#bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen???

[an-assortment-of-forks]

there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.

#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what! #wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do #is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better #to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off #tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer #disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!! #but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything #and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me #and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me #so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again #I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again #I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly #what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do?? #just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky? #bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen??? #ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it #etc etc #I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted. #and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part #these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer. #but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.

[shinynewboots]

Listen to your Heart: Adam x pregnant!reader

AN: Lol I enjoyed writing this wonderful prompt for @madmiriam! I wasn't sure exactly what direction I wanted to take with this but fluff felt the most appropriate (lol all it takes is one comment though for me to write a pt 2 with smut bc I lowkey can see the vision now). I hope y'all enjoy! The prompt kept getting away from me so I tried to reel it in as much as I could so please bear with me lol

Warnings/tags: Pregnancy, reader's death/graphic details (backstory), cursing, guilt, sickeningly sweet fluff, slice of life, no beta we die like Adam

Note: S1 and S2 refer to the heart sounds heard in a normal cardiac cycle (think lub, dub).

You had never given much thought to how your second "life" would turn out. Avoiding exorcists on extermination day? Sure, that was to be expected. Working the same job you had worked when you were alive? Eh, that made sense, the hospital you worked at when you were alive was basically hell on earth most days.

Falling pregnant with a fallen angel's baby? Absolutely not.

You had freaked out a bit at first when you found out. You had been a doctor for fuck's sake. You should have been smarter. Except for the whole "being dead thing", which you assumed meant reproduction was off the table. Which it was, in most cases. Except for—

"Angelic Sperm," Adam said when you told him you were pregnant.

"What?" Of all the things you had expected him to say, this was not it. You had expected him to grow angry or childish, as you had known him prone to doing.

"Angelic Sperm." He repeated again, giving you a curious look.

"Adam you can repeat that all you want but that doesn't mean I know what you're talking about."

"Angelic Sperm. I think that's the only way for a sinner to get pregnant in hell. I mean, think about it, Princess of Hell is technically half-angel, half-sinner. And you've got sinners fucking all the time without getting knocked up. Come on, Y/N, weren't you a doctor?"

Adam scratched his head in contemplation, taking in this new information. You looked over at him in anger.

"I tell you I'm pregnant and all you can talk about is sperm?"

Adam looks over at you, a calm look on his face. He takes you into his arms, more gently than he ever had, and pulled you close to him. He kissed the top of your heard, his lips lingering far longer than they normally would.

"I'm so fucking excited, Y/N."

And so now you found yourself 5 months pregnant in Hell. You had begun to wear baggy clothes to not show your swollen stomach. You couldn't imagine what some sinners or overlords would do if they found out there was actually a way to get pregnant in an otherwise barren wasteland.

Adam had been very attentive to you in your pregnant state. You still had to work at the local hospital, trying to get in as many shifts as possible before the birth. When you'd gotten of work, Adam would always have some kind of food craving awaiting you, and together you would rot on the couch until it was time for bed and the day to start all over again.

There was one such time of rotting that you had found yourself lying on the couch beside Adam, on of his hands dropped across your waist and a hand lightly holding your baby. Baby, which Adam had begun to affectionately call "Little Hellion", was kicking happily in against your bladder.

You grimaced at the sensation, your body tensing against Adam. Sensing your discomfort, he kissed your forehead and pulled you tight. "Living up to your name, Hellion."

"They get it from their dad," You replied, your breath becoming more even as Hellion decided to turn their kicking attention elsewhere. Adam rubbed circles around your stomach, which seemed to appease Hellion.

"What are we going to do about after? I can't even imagine trying to raise a child in Hell, constantly on edge even more than usual." You finally asked, a question burning in the pit of your stomach for months. Hell was no place for a child. Would the baby even age? Sinners stopped aging from the moment they died. The Princess of Hell aged, though slower than a human would, but you didn't know what that meant for your baby. And other sinners would notice if they aged. Questions would be asked...questions that would be dangerous to answer.

Adam sighed and ran a hand through his soft, brown hair. "I've been thinking about that too. I think we need to go to the hotel."

You turned to look at him, your brow furrowed. "The Hazbin Hotel? Where you got fucking murdered?"

Adam laughed without humor. "Fucking insane right? And it's such a lame-ass place. But, I have to think about my family. You and Hellion are my family now, Y/N."

Warmth spread throughout your chest, Adam's confession taking you by surprise. He was rarely so vulnerable with you, mostly choosing to hide behind his mask of bravado and masculinity. You smiled at him. Hellion seemed to approve of his words as well because you received a sharp kick in your side.

"I think we should try and see if Hell Princess' redemption plans are even worth a shit. And even if they aren't, she, or Hell forbid fucking Lucifer, might have a better shot at getting in contact with Heaven than I do."

"Heaven? You want us to try and get into Heaven?" You shivered at the thought. You felt...dirty. Unclean. Unworthy of redemption. You had been sent to Hell for a reason and felt you would always serve your sentence.

"We have to try everything, Y/N. I...I have to try everything." Adam looked desperate, his golden eyes shimmering in a way you had never seen.

Adam kissed your forehead and continued rubbing circles around your stomach. He began to softly sing a Rolling Stones song you couldn't remember the name of.

And that was how you found yourself at the front door of the Hazbin Hotel, face-to-face with Lucifer of all people.

"Ooh, not sure if there are any rooms left in the inn. Might have you stay in the stables. I'm sure we have a manger or two for your convenience."

"I'm sorry, are you seriously making a Jesus joke right now?" You deadpanned as you stared at the King of Hell with an unamused expression. You had a hand on your stomach and you could feel Adam tense beside you.

"Get the fuck out of our way, Morningstar, your kid told us she would meet us here."

"Daddd!" Charlie yelled, running closer to the group at the front door. "I told you to let me answer the door!"

Lucifer at least had the grace to look sheepish. He moved behind Charlie, who happily welcomed you and Adam inside.

She grinned at you as she led you both to your room. "Congratulations by the way! So sorry about my dad, he always likes to try and push Adam's buttons."

"Fucking pussy," Adam muttered. You shot him a glare. "Stay away from him as much as you can."

"And ugh, Congratulations by the way! Adam told me all about it when he came to meet with me about you both joining the hotel! This is so exciting! And we have so many crafts and exercises and —"

"Hey, one fucking step at at time, Princess." Adam interrupted, sensing you tense at Charlie's words.

Charlie nodded and looked at you apologetically. "Sorry, I just get a little over-excited! We are so happy to have you here."

You smiled up at her softly. "We really appreciate you for letting us come to the hotel."

*

That night, you both lay in bed in your new home as you began your paths of redemption. Your head was on Adam's chest and you listened to the constant beat of his heart. Listening to the beat of the heart or pulse had always had a calming effect on you, even when alive. S1, S2, S1, S2, S1, S2

"Adam what if you get redeemed, and I—I don't. And I ruin everything. I don't deserve to be in Heaven."

"Why would fucking think that, Y/N. You deserve it more than anyone I know." He asked, his voice full of surprise.

"Because I killed someone!" You exclaimed, tears rolling down your eyes. "I was stupid and I killed someone and now I am meant to rot in Hell for all eternity. And I've damned our kid to this."

Adam wiped one of the tears that had begun to roll down your cheek. "And you don't think I have? Do you know how many sinners I've killed? Happily?"

"Adam, it's different."

"Try me."

You swallowed hard. "I was coming off of a 24-hour shift at the hospital. I was so tired. So fucking tired. And I knew better than to drive home. But my apartment was just 20 minutes away. And I thought it would be okay. I could have slept for an hour or two in the on-call room but I was so ready to get home."

Tears began streaming down your face at full force. Adam pulled you closer, surprisingly silent. "And then I fell asleep behind the wheel. I was only a mile from my house. I crashed into another car that had a mom and her kid in it. They died on impact. I was still alive, just barely, and bled out in my car before EMS could arrive."

"Y/N, you made a mistake. Fuck, I've made even more than that, definitely worse too."

"I just don't think I'm worthy of heaven."

Adam kissed your forehead and continued to hold you close. "Most of those fuckers who make it to Heaven aren't worth even half of you. You deserve Heaven. Shit, you owe it to yourself and Hellion to try."

"I'm just so scared Adam."

"I know. But we will take this one step at a time. Trust me, babe." He put a hand on your stomach. That had been one of his favorite things to do since the early days of your pregnancy. And Hellion seemed to know when their father was near, as you would get what you assumed were happy kicks in the direction of Adam's hand.

You nodded, cuddling in closer to him. One of his wings furled around you, creating a blanket for you and Hellion. You felt safe; warm. More so than you could remember feeling in a long time.

Everything would work itself out. And you and Adam would be redeemed just in time for Hellion to be born inside the pearly gates.

You found yourself focusing on Adam's heart once more.

S1, S2, S1, S2, S1, S2

Everything would be okay. It had to be.

#hazbin hotel reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel fandom #habzin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel adam x reader #hazbin hotel adam x pregnant reader #pregnant #fanfiction #hazbin adam x reader #adam x reader

[itsloverrrboy]

──HAIKYUU with a metalhead s/o

i. haikyuu

ii. kageyama, tsukishima, tanaka, nishinoya x m.reader

iii. language/cussing, fluff

iiii. part one

iiiii. a/n: decided to make this for my metalheads out there, also I had a lot of fun making this lol, enjoy shitheads

p.s: sorry if it's long, I might've accidently over done it a bit

-t. KAGEYAMA:

-So the first time Kageyama meeting you...

-He didn't even blink💀

-Honestly, I think it was love at first sight (kinda like with Hinata but we ain't gonna talk about Haikyuu ships rn-)

-Going into the gym to talk with coach Ukai, bro was too scared to talk to you.

-MANY MONTHS LATER he'd only see you in the hallways....

-He was being so obvious stalking you, you'll see him around the corners glaring at you😭

-He looked so scary and tried to "smile" at you.

-It felt like he was trying to beat you up-

-He really went: "😠"

-Tanaka tried to push him to go talk to you but the plan failed.

-Kageyama just stood there and 10 sec later his face turned into a tomato.

-One day. You just spawned in out of nowhere, asking Kageyama about the volleyball club schedule.

-He panicked-

-Didn't get to practice his "conversations" in the mirror.

-But with your fucking beauty right in front of him...he just-🤷

-He's gonna die of a stupid death but maybe a reasonable one.

-"Tobio Kageyama, died from simping"

-That being on his grave, it was...self-explanatory👍

-"No. I can't die now-I still want to play volleyball and marry (Name)"

-Is what he thought when he was just having a nosebleed-

-Stuttered so hard💀

-"Uh, you ok man?"

-"y-ye-I m-mean, yes-fuck...I m-mean-"

-Que Hinata in the back watching the whole time

-"HE'S NERVOUS BC HE LIKES YOU-"

-Get ready for Hinata to go to the doctor.

-Like bro...we get it, you don't want anyone taking your little honey boo boo bear away😥

-After that...the memory was stuck in his head now.

-So you know when you just tryna sleep and then you remember your most embarrassing memories?

-Just like that

-It'll haunt him forever🕺

-Gay panicked into fucking oblivion when you said hi to him

-Soon...you guys become friends (surprisingly) but my boy Kageyama is still tense as a plastic board when he's 10 feet away from you😟

-You finally knew his crush on you btw-

-And he took MONTHS just to try and confess, so you just ✨improved✨ a lil

-"I like you"

-"Ok."

-"......"

-"Wait-W H A T! ?"

-So romantic.

-Anyone want to just bluntly tell your crush that you like them with no hesitation?

-Yeah, me too (actually I don't have a crush💀)

-Some metalheads have long hair👀

-If your one of them then he'll always want to play with it or touch it

-But this boy is too tense to do anything.

-Play any type of instruments like the drums or guitar?

-He watches you like a hawk and act like you just did rocket science😀

-FREE TICKETS!! And only for him if you're in a band.

-Almost died the 2nd time when he saw you headbanging on stage.

-💥💥💳💳

-Making a song about him or for him?

-Lord half mercy...you're gonna kill him with your love and affection.

-Will wear your clothes BC they look cool and wants to secretly show off he has a badass boyfriend👀

-Tries to listen to the music you like, either metal or some other genre.

-Just #couplegoals💘

-k. TSUKISHIMA:

-I tried with this guy-

-I headcanon him listening to any music.

-Bet he'll listen to classic metal.

-(Yessss go king😔)

-So, you two meet at a...

-Drumrolls please?

-✨Record Store✨

-Not too flashy but it's something.

-We all know Tsukishima enjoys music-

-Especially with those dusty headphones around his neck👹

-Looking at a record label in the metal section, ofc he meets you grabbing the same one.

-You two didn't do anything for 5 min.

-Stand there looking at each other like:

-"🕴" "🕴"

-*Awkward silence*

-You just grabbed it and zoom out like sonic💀

-But for the rest of the day, manz fell HARD, and couldn't stop thinking about you.

-Tsukishima's famous last words:

-"LoVE aT FIRst siGHT is StUPId"

-Here comes Kageyama and Hinata in the chat (I'm srry, I'll shut up)

-He wanted to go in the store to find you again by "accident"

-Kageyama 2.0 with his stalker behavior shi💀

-He didn't really care how "scary" you looked or the way you dressed, have you SEEN MY MANS??

-Bros 10 feet tall😭

-I know he scares people on PURPOSE-

-2nd time meeting, you just said sorry for running off.

-Friendship being magic, you two became best buddies. (Sorry Yamaguchi)

-Speaking of him

-He had his Tsuki senses tingling that Tsukishima was acting off and told him he had to do something "important"

-And sooner found out the "important" was you.

-He actually made a friend for once👁

-You two scare the shit out of people without trying🤝

-Meeting the Karasuno's team...you didn't know if it was the biggest mistake or best choice of your life💀

-A metalhead and a smartass.

-......

-You two fit perfectly with each other.

-Confessing to you was...interesting.

-"Hey, uhm...I realized I like you in a romantic way, it's fine if you don't accept"

-"Oh...that's cool man, I like you too"

-Smh, Tsukishima didn't even bought you flowers or nothing😒

-But it's fine since he bought you your favorite snack :)

-Boom!

-Boyfriends

-If you know how to play a keyboard or you're a DJ (like Sid from Slipknot) please teach him😫

-Will show love for you by sharing his earbud and listening to metal together.

-Overall...He's glad he met you in a record store :)

r. TANAKA:

-Okay-

-I'll be honest.

-Tanaka didn't like you (AT FIRST)

-Enemies to lovers??

-It's not even bc of you're style, tbh he thought you looked STUNNING but didn't wanna admit it💁

-That's a lil fruity🍎🍊🍓🍉🍇

-You grabbed the attention of most the girls at school.

-You had so many fans bc of your band too.

-Oikawa could never☝

-Soon, his feelings started to change.

-(Omg, no way)

-Hint the sarcasm^

-When he ACTUALLY talked to you, you were a cool hot dude and not a total jerk.

-Being friends

-This was the end🤗

-(Whoa, that rhymed)

-But this story is not over yet gentlemen's👌

-He then realized you were good looking AND had talent-

-All in one pack.

-Crushing on you when you showed him how to play (whatever choice of instrument you want) and the way you correctly fixed his position-

-BRO😍

-Teaching him that day might've caused his bi awaking btw.

-Like Kiyoko WHO!?

-Nah-he only knows his god, (Name).

-He was used to getting butterflies in his stomach everytime he sees Kiyoko.

-But now this time It's you.

-"Wtf are these bugs in my stomach"

-"They're called Butterflies Tanaka-"

-So after knowing...

-Suga telling him he had a crush on you

-He immediately confessed like a week later.

-"(NAME) (LAST NAME), I LIKE YOU AND CONFESS MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU!!"

-"I know."

-This was the start of his villain origin story

-You knew all this time?🙂

-Poor boy was like a tomato after that but you gave him a lil kithy kith to make him feel better.

-Wrong idea-

-He had to miss practice because he lost too much blood.

-You killed him.

-But he came back from the dead so he's fine👍

-After that, now you both can be scary boyfriends together<33

-Suga didn't expect this at all but hey...Noya can have Kiyoko all to himself.

-So basically a win win.

-Will beat the shit out of anyone with no hesitation if they make fun of you by the way you look or say dumb shit like "metal is satanic"😤

-I mean do people still say that?💀

-IF you have a guitar-

-He'll carry your guitar pics with him in case you need or forget them.

-Playing the drums?

-You better keep an eye on this fucker bc he WILL hide your drum sticks to see you struggle.

-Keyboard?

-Play random ass notes.

-One time he did, the neighbors called the cops bc of the noises he was making😭

-A vocalist?

-The notes or lyrics you write down, he'll draw doodles on it.

-"Tanaka...what is this?"

-"It's you pooping"

-He put his whole heart into it so don't erase it😔

-Dancing, kissing, cuddling to music at 3am??

-✨Immaculate✨

-Who knows? Might become a metalhead himself ;)

y. NISHINOYA:

-Let's just say you two met at a skating park.

-Noya noticed you first and tried to impress you.

-But this dumbass fell on his ass, it didn't impress you but he did caught your attention.

-It's a win ig🤷

-So you gave him some tips and helped him out.

-Yk usual skater boy thingz-

-But my manz was too memorize by your gorgeousness and wasn't paying attention💀

-Noya: 'why he kinda...'

-You two talk for a while-

-It scared the shit of the rest of the team, ESPECIALLY his bff Tanaka bc Noya wasn't all over Kiyoko.

-Meanwhile Asahi knowing about you-

-This short mf didn't realize he had a crush on you until Jesus pointed it out.

-(I'm srry, I'll stop-I know that joke is way too old😭)

-You Invited him to your concert.

-DUH, he said yes.

-Seeing you up on that stage and going shit crazy-

-PLEASE GIVE HIM A CHANCEEE💍💕

-Randomly just confronted you about how amazing you were, he suddenly kissed you and asked you out right then and there.

-It was a bit awkward though😬

-Some of the Karasuno team thought who in their right mind will date that THING💀

-Thing=Noya

-Top ten mysteries.

-If anyone decides to say anything bad about your style, like Tanaka. He would try to defend you but wouldn't be imitating enough.

-Now if this was the opposite-

-The person making fun of Noya will get one of your glares

-If they didn't leave or stop after that, don't say that they didn't get a punch to the face.

-"(Name!) Did you see my rolling thunder!?"

-"Mhm, so cool"

-You two would be a 10/10 couple.

#anime #fanfic #fiction #male reader #reader insert #fluff #headcanons #scenarios #haikyuu!! #hq hcs #haikyuu x male reader #male reader blog #kageyama x male reader #tsukishima x male reader #tanaka ryuunosuke #haikyuu fluff #metalhead #male reader insert #nishinoya yuu #hq noya #nishinoya x you #tsukishima x you #kageyama x you

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

just little solangelo thoughts

im just chilling going through the solangelo tag so heres some lil thoughts that have been provoked from such activities

-parallel between percy and annabeth standing/sitting back to back in tartarus when they finally can rest bc they have each others backs to nico and will in tsats fighting back to back bc they've both been stabbed in the back enough already

-nico is a literal fucking sewer rat kind of (in the most loving way ofc) but also hes not he literally glows with alt and gothic beauty and has a beautiful accent and an amazing smile and smooth, milky skin and will (who is kind of a beautifully groomed golden retriever) is actually a fucking dumpster dog who jumped out at him when nico was hiding in the alley and hasnt left his side since

-will watched nico let an anemic fucking loser launch himself into the atmosphere and immediately and immensely fell in love and nico took one look at the hand that still has amniotic sac fluid on it holding his and thought 'holy shit i wanna kiss him'

-apollo literally saying 'i dont care if my son has a boyfriend. i've had a lot. and compared to some of mine, holy SHIT could will be doing worse' and i think thats great

-nico and will are not achilles and patroclus they are apollo and hycanth and apollo literally mentioned the similarities he saw in the relationships and im POSITIVE hades sees it too and is so so scared for his son because he saw what losing someone he loved that much did to apollo

-even tho they're not quite achilles and patroclus their love and wrath for the otehrs death would still be enough to shake the gods and im fully convinced zues sat hades down one day and was like 'listen dude you gotta protect the little blonde kid. i dont wanna go through that again' and hades was like 'lol pussy. gotchu tho'

-william andrew solace who is the LITERAL son of sunshine and has magic glow powers and is the best medic the camp has had in years would and probably has poke an infected creature of unidentified species and decide that it’s probably maybe not poisonous and bring it to his bf because why not

-also he definitely has/will have full sleeves of tattoos on both arms and a bunch on his legs and back and they will have absolutely no specific meaning or reason or order (other than the star on his shoulderblade for his first and only love and the sun on his chest for himself)

-nico would get a lot of tattoos but they’d all mean something to him (things bianca used to like, the groups initials, etc)

-william andrew solace was born and raised in fuckin texas with his single rocker mama (who was ALSO born and raised in texas) and is an overworked med student and has gone through all that shit he’s been through by 15. that bitch is a fucking DICK. he will cut you for touching his stuff and if you’re a dick he will absolutely NOT treat you (‘i havent sworn under oath yet as a doctor, chiron’) and he has absolutely pulled a gun on someone back home for the dumbest shit

-nico is a fucking softie don’t lie. he spends one third of his time crying, the other third waxing poetic about his boyfriend will doing normal day shit, and the last third convincing his dickhead sunshine boyfriend to treat the guy with poison ivy because ‘he called me weird, will, that’s not even that insulting’

-kayla and austin have definitely thrown them in the lake. multiple times. it’s a past time at this point. leo has helped on a few occasions and lester did once only to be fucking decked by his son in law for messing up the snack he made for will while will lost his shit laughing in the back

#will solace #nico di angelo #the sun and the star #pjo hoo toa tsats #tsats #hoo #rick riordan

[minimoefoe]

Thirteen Era Rewatch: The Timeless Children

I'm re-watching Thirteen's era in lead up to the Centenary and since this is likely going to be my last full re-watch for a while I thought I'd do a post on each ep where I just go over all the things I love, hate or just have some general thoughts on.

I’m actually unwell

The entire first scene on Gallifrey is unmatched I’m obsessed with it

The plan to pretend to be cybermen is kinda cool imo

Both these things are what we call growth, the second one is also just cute like idk good for him.

I looove when the Doctor and Master talk about their time growing up, especially when they talk about it together

Love that the Master calls the Cybermen ‘cybes’

Yaz and Graham’s chat is very sweet

So obvious to me that Dhawan started out close to being like Missy but then the TC set him back a shit ton and made him ‘go back to his old ways’. I don’t get why ppl can’t grasp or don’t think it’s clear.

I could low-key listen to Dhawan talk forever. For ppl who aren’t into him or Spydoc in general I can se why this ep might not be a fave but I’m obsessed

We all knew the second they said it, didn’t we. Like who among us was shocked when this was revealed lmao

Dhawan literally wants to DIE and yet ppl are out here like ‘yeah he’s just plain evil for no reason and there’s nothing to it’. Can’t even tell you how ridiculous you sound when you say that

The weird Cyberium flirting is great why is he like this

The way she says these two lines gets me every single time, she’s so fucked up

This whole two parter is Yaz being determined as fuck to get back to 13, ofc she’d be the first in

The theme playing actually makes me insane like shoutout to whoever decided to do that bc omg

Her smile?? The way she says ‘my fam’? I actually can’t cope

Idk if I’ve always had a crazy reaction to this scene but this time round I fully coulda cried at the whole thing

13’s face in this moment, she’s literally about to sob (and so am I)

He’s just so !!!

The fact some ppl think she’s being serious when she's acting all confident rather than clearly playing it up bc she doesn’t wanna seem weak in front of the Master

I was gonna say ‘me when I lie’ but she actually does seem sure of herself in this moment. I feel like the Master going on about becoming him and all the lives she doesn’t know is part of why she ends up not being able to do it

The Master is great in this scene as well, how desperate he is for her to become like him and kill him is so interesting to me

I really don’t have a problem with Ko Sharmus sacrificing himself. I do think there’s maybe something to be said about it being a bit of an easy way out of the situation, especially since it happens again in LotSD, but character-wise, I don’t think it’s OOC for him or 13

This ep is a solid finale idec. 10/10 Doctor Master dyamnic, I could watch a whole series of just Spydoc being the way they are

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #ryan sinclair #dw meta #nataliechats

[emiliosandozsequence]

I decided to introduce myself a little more by telling you some fun facts about myself:

tagged by my bro ​😎 @naysaltysalmon

emilio| they/them | lesbian | nonbinary | pisces (☀️) taurus (🌙) pisces (🌅)

~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~

🌌 i'm puerto rican and irish mostly and that's definitely what shows in my appearance and personality i think too (lol)

🌌 i finished writing 7 book before the age of 21, but i haven't finished a thing since bc of a variety of factors; i am finally working on a novel again though woohoo!!

🌌 i'm a fictive in a traumagenic system caused by a really shitty upbringing (no, fictive is not the same thing as kin); for comparison: to those of you that have read the sparrow, my childhood was rakhat without all the happy parts.

🌌 i'm also chronically ill and disabled, but lol for the love of g-d i don't know what with because doctors are horrifyingly ableist

🌌 i can play the violin and piano and read music, but i have done none of those things in a good long while and i'm actually much better at learning things by ear; i also have perfect pitch, and i think i'm a much better singer than i am violin or piano player.

🌌 i can fence and irish dance; i taught myself how to irish dance by obsessively watching riverdance growing up, but i quit when i started middle school because a) the teacher was a fucking cunt and b) that's when i started really first feeling the effects of having a body that Doesn't Work Right

🌌 i had thyroid cancer in 2016 and so i don't have a thyroid anymore lol, which means i have a really hard time regulating my temperature. i also don't have a gall bladder, which means i have a really hard time eating fatty foods without...revisiting those meals.

🌌 emilio sandoz is me in ways i cannot even begin to describe. like i said that when i finished the book the first time around, but hot fucking damn; i'm rereading during my annotating and posting of quotes on the account i made on twitter and i'm just rerealizing this all over again and it's fucking insane. maybe someday i'll write that dissertation and it'll just be a self-centered, self-indulgent essay about why emilio sandoz and i are the same person; also likely an essay about how fucking amazing mary doria russell illustrates the effects of that level of trauma (coming from someone who has experienced it).

🌌 this really isn't news to anyone who follows me (or read the last point lol) but the sparrow series by mary doria russell is my all time favorite book sequence. i really really REALLY want to be able to talk to mary doria russell one on one about it and fantasize about doing so daily, but the closest i've gotten to that was her approving of my fancast that i posted on twitter.

🌌 i love animals and particularly cats <3 i have two cats that are very definitely mine, but my fiancee's family also has three other cats that cling to me in various ways too. i love them all dearly and love being the resident cat mom; i literally am being followed by at least one of them at all times.

🌌 i love score music. all time favorite genre of music hands down holy fuck. i listen to....usually the score or playlist score i've created of whatever i'm hyperfixating on at the moment; you can see all of those playlists on my spotify. also, according to my spotify, the only lyrical artist i enjoy regularly outside of my score music genre is ethel cain <3

🌌 my favorite genre of media is philosophical sci-fi (examples: foundation, halo, the sparrow, the fountain, annihilation, arrival, sunshine, i origins, the matrix, interstellar, etc.). idek why tbh. i do love space and science a whole lot, but i just came to the realization that this is my genre of choice rather recently when my fiancee pointed it out.

🌌 my biggest special interests are space (and literally everything to do with it; in particular string theory, theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, etc), linguistics, volcanology, religion, and really anything to do with STEM.

~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~

I hope you’ll reblog and give a few fun facts about yourself so we can get to know each other a little better~! Open to all!

Tagging: @creaturecomplex @chateauofmymind @sarayashikis @thinking-in-broken-scenes @good-as-dead @dykeromanroy @smallredb0y @redwindflower

#eyyy #this was fun #emilio.txt

[mementofloreo-archived]

@tomestobetold- four relationship headcanons for 3H AU Alfyn/Primrose!

ok ive been foaming at the mouth thinking abt these which is in part why the response is so late(ive also been playing the fuck outta three hopes, and sleeping a lot,)BUT. BARKING AND HOWLING AND CLAWING AT THE BARS OF MY CAGE. YES. YES. YESSSS. I will do some for both 3H aus though(houses and hopes)

...So in this AU Primrose is a sex worker who ends up with an unplanned pregnancy. Alfyn is a doctor working out of Abyss having lived there for several years under the care and tutelage of Graham Crossford. Prior to that, however, he was raised by his mother, who was a sex worker. Which is just v basic bg stuff but. anyway. moving on.

-One of the first things that gets Alfyn realizing he's developing serious feelings for Primrose is, shockingly, anger.

He gets angry, of course. He hates seeing people suffering and so he hates prejudices and bigotries that contribute to that. He'll read people the riot act without hesitation.

But by this point he hasn't snapped and thrown a punch since he was in his early teens. He's fought plenty of times, but never once was he the first one to start swinging and he certainly was never so angry that he had to be dragged off of someone. But he gets that angry when it comes to Primrose and it's after such a moment, as he's taping together the fingers he broke punching someone, that he starts to think 'hm, perhaps my feelings are not strictly platonic.'

-In houses verse, as the war breaks out, Alfyn is just kind of shattered by it all, emotionally and mentally. He comes face to face with the towering realization that he really has changed his entire life all so he can keep Primrose in it. Left Abyss, changed jobs, thing after thing after thing all because he would miss her if he couldn't see her anymore.

So when he runs miles at full tilt to find the town near the Monastery already in flames, most of the fighting done, all the civilians evacuated- and he can't find hide or hair or whisper of Primrose or baby Yusef- he straight up goes into shock for a while. He's all of a sudden hit with the harrowing thought that he may never see her again- that she may not even be alive. It just fucks him up to high hell emotionally so much that even after they reunite it's years before he's able to stop just checking, every so often, that she's really there or that he's awake, etc.

-That said, after the 5y skip in houses verse, they have a different dynamic than in hopes where they don't end up separated for years. Alfyn's been running himself ragged for five years and he's garnered a lot of general life experience, he's got a tiredness he didn't before, and also an easy confidence he didn't have before. He doesn't think more of himself, really- he's simply grown into himself a little more, gotten more comfortable with himself, and so Primrose teasing him or flirting with him doesn't elicit nearly as strong a flustered response as it once did, and he actually starts teasing and flirting right back at her before long. I think they probably get to have such a quality of banter that they have a reputation around the camp for it tbh.

-In HOPES verse, Primrose and Yusef probably just straight up live with him out on the farmland where he works for a while after she decides to leave her previous line of work, and so he's there for Yusef starting to walk and starting to talk-

And Yusef blindsides him very quickly, because one of his first words is Papa, and guess who he says it to. It's a short circuit moment for poor Alfyn bc he does internally think of Yusef as his son, in no small part bc he's completely in love with Yusef's mom. Poor lad has a real time of it shoving his heart back down out of his throat and scrubbing the tiny little daydreams popping into his head(all of them very domestic-married-with-kids in nature)

-Regardless of verse, once they are finally in more of an actual relationship, sharing a bed etc, Alfyn often stays awake well after they've retired for the night, just holding her. He listens to her breathing, her heartbeat, soaks up every little thing from sound to touch to smell. He's the dopey kind of guy who, regardless of the universe or the partner, never stops being awestruck at having romantic feelings reciprocated. He's just a doof like that. It can't be helped.

But it's also helpful for grounding him and helping him relax. His job can be hectic and exhausting, and he spends so much time reading and thinking and talking and doing this, that, over here and over there- those quiet parts at the end of the day where he can just curl around her and cuddle while they both drift off, they're THE best medicine as far as he's concerned. He'll do it with Yusef too, and it's extra great when it's just the whole family all cuddlepiled up together(he sometimes gets so overwhelmed with fondness that he tears up a little). Like at that point he's just so HAPPY with where his life is. He feels whole, he feels at home, something that he hadn't had in a long, long time.

OKAY THESE ENDED UP ALL BEING SOFT AND EMO but like is them being extra horny even News at this point? It just is like that in every universe, once they fuck it's just a str8 tumble down flight after flight of stairs lmfao

#tomestobetold #「We fell sick for one another‚ may we never find the cure」[Alfyn🎔Primrose;tomestobetold] #WHEEZING AUGHGHGSDDHGSHFSFH I LOVE THEM HELP

[brekkerism]

BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

 I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.  

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

 And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

 “So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

 “I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

 “O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

 “You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

 “No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

 “Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

 And I didn’t really want to.

 ****

 A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

 *****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

 And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my  mouth.

 Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x oc #smut #smut fic #smut fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid self insert #dr spencer reid #basic instinct

[moldisgoodforyou]

okay one, not one hundred, just like one little jj charlie chapter i’ll pay you in flowers

here’s my down payment: 🌺🌺🌷🌷🌸🌸

okay anon bc you gave me the down payment ❤️❤️ here is a draft that def needs to be touched up and is also unfinished rip but i will give it to you anyways

_____

On the day Caroline June Maybank came into the world, everything that could go wrong that day, did.

"Charlie? What's up?" JJ answered, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he juggled coffee to bring back to his office.

One of her coworkers was on the other end of the line. "JJ? It's Kaitlyn, we've met a few times before - anyway, you need to meet us at the hospital. She's pretty sure she's having the baby."

He let the phone clatter to the sidewalk, quickly setting the coffees aside on a nearby bench. "Fucking hell -" He cursed, grabbing it quickly. "Like, actually sure? Can I talk to her?"

Her coworker handed the phone to Charlie. "JJ."

"Yeah, sweetheart? You doing alright?"

"If you don't get your ass to the hospital in twenty minutes, I'm not letting you in the delivery room."

He had the audacity to laugh for a moment, still a little in shock. "Are you sure those aren't those fake contractions again? I don't have the bag packed, we were supposed to do that next week -"

His voice started taking on a panicked edge and Charlie snapped at him, impatient. "Maybank. Call my mom and dad, tell them to bring it, and get to the hospital. I'm having this baby."

He took a shaky breath. "I'll be there."

She hung up on him and he glanced at the phone, still confused, until it finally all hit him and he started sprinting so he could make back to his office and to the hospital before she got there. He didn't even bother telling anyone at work, just ran straight to his car in the parking lot and sped out of there, then called up Charlie's parents right away. He had just picked them up from the airport the day before, anticipating another week before the scheduled c-section - they were supposed to help with everything, packing the bag, taking care of their dog, all the little things that the two would surely forget.

"Hi JJ!" Charlie's mom answered the phone cheerfully.

"Suzie? Mike? Um, can you guys do me a huge favor?" He asked, growing more nervous by the minute.

"What's wrong, honey?" Her mom picked up on his anxiety right away, able to read him better than both his own parents ever could.

"I'm going to meet Charlie at the hospital, right now, and I don't have anything. At all. I forgot about the bag we didn’t pack yet, and I forgot about the change of clothes she wanted, I don't have anything -"

"JJ. Kid, listen." Her dad interrupted, a reassuring voice of reason. “You get to the hospital, we’ll be right behind you with everything. Don’t worry anything but Charlie, okay?”

“Shit, okay. I mean - shit -” JJ fumbled over his words, having tried so hard to not curse as much while Charlie was pregnant, and especially around her parents.

“You’ll be okay. I’m hanging up, because I want you to concentrate on the road. She’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“Okay.” JJ nodded, breathing out to try and calm himself. “Okay. She’ll be okay.”

“Good. Keep telling yourself that, son.” Her dad assured him, then hung up.

He made it to the hospital just in time, right before Charlie arrived in her coworker’s car, and was able to secure a wheelchair for her to help her in. When she pulled up, she got out on her own and rolled her eyes at the wheelchair, hand resting on her stomach. “Glad you could make it.”

JJ couldn’t help but laugh, ushering her into the wheelchair and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “So you’re feeling okay, then?”

“I don’t want any attitude from you today - oh, fucking hell -” She muttered out, grabbing his hand and nearly crushing it when the contraction came over her.

He winced but didn’t say a word, just held her hand through it. Everything moved so quickly after that - getting her into the hospital room, her parents arriving, meeting a new doctor and getting mentally prepared for the birth. When it came time for Charlie to start pushing, JJ stood right by her side, brushing her sweaty hair off her forehead and murmuring words of encouragement all the way.

“I need you to push just a little more, mama.” The nurse instructed and JJ peered down toward Charlie’s legs, seeing a tiny head crowning. His grip on her hand weakened and he nearly stumbled, grabbing onto the bed for stability - the nurse just cast a knowing glance to her dad, who subtly positioned himself close enough to catch JJ if needed.

After another frustrated cry, Charlie glanced up toward JJ, noticing his sudden pale skin and the way he was swaying on his feet. “JJ Maybank.”

“Yes? You’re doing great, sweetheart.”

“If you make me do this alone, I will never let you forget it.” She threatened. “Do not pass out.”

He knelt down so he was fully facing her, gripping her hand a little tighter and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Always worry.” She mumbled back, shaking her head with a wry smile.

“You’re having our literal child right now, Charlie, I don’t want you to be worried about a thing.” He grinned at her, making her grin back, and only a few moments later their baby was born. After she was cleaned off a little, the nurse carefully rested the baby on Charlie’s chest before giving them some space.

“She’s perfect.” JJ breathed out in awe, carefully offering his finger to the baby - their baby. She wrapped her tiny fingers around JJ’s one finger right away, cooing a little. He teared up, whispering, “Oh my god, Charlie, look.”

It was JJ’s kid through and through, looking almost exactly like him, but with Charlie’s sloped nose and her smile. With the way she entered the world, their baby was sure to be a perfect storm of the two of them.

“She’s kind of weird looking.” Charlie murmured, stroking her hand over their baby’s feathery blonde hair. JJ looked affronted and gently pressed his hands on both sides of her head. “Shh, that’s so mean! She’s not even an hour old and you’re already bullying our baby.”

Charlie grinned up at him, a mix of love and exhaustion evident on her face. “Say that again.”

“Hm?” He bent down, placing a kiss on Charlie’s temple.

“Our baby.” She beamed.

“Yeah.” JJ murmured, still in awe. “Can you believe we made this?”

“She’s so little.”

"Sweet Caroline." He whispered, carefully kissing their baby's head, so gentle as if he was afraid she might break.

Charlie looked up, a small smile on her face. They hadn't completely decided on a name, but that was one in the running on their much-deliberated-over list. "Caroline June?"

"Caroline June Maybank." JJ echoed softly, stroking his thumb over his baby's cheek. "Welcome to the world, little girl."

#mine #jj x charlie

[honeybvnnyy]

stray kids when their s/o is pregnant with multiples—

written by: 🐝

genre: fluff

warnings: pregnancy, swearing

thank you to @mrsunshine999 for requesting this!!

+++

bang chan ♡

• chan’s so prepared to be a father!!

• he’s terrified, as most first time parents usually are, but he’s so so so SO excited to be having kids with you

• he’s even happier when he finds out you’re having twins

• “i want more 🥺🥺”

• “they haven’t even cOME OUT YET-“

• “could u squeeze out more babies please 🥺🥺🥺”

• chan is sosososo protective of you

• it’s really sweet actually

• he’s always touching you in some way, just wanting to make sure you and the babies nearby

• chan likes to touch ur bump

• like,, A LOT,,,

• if he could choose, he’d never let go ☺️☺️

• chan definitely spends a lot of his spare time thinking of names for ur kids

• unfortunately, neither of you can seem to agree on anything

• you both decide to wait until after the babies are born to come up with something

minho ♡

• okay so y’all are having triplets

• he’s thrilled

• get used to ridiculous name ideas tho,,

• “babe...”

• “yes, minnie?”

• “could we pleeeeaaase call the babies soonie, doongie and dori??”

• you: 😐😐😐

• minho: 👁👄👁

• “absolutely not”

• “bABE PLEASE-“

• much like chan, he’s fiercely protective of u

• if anyone so much as looks at u the wrong way, they’re getting a shoe thrown at their head

• and when ur babies are finally born he’s the same

• one of his cousins said the babies weren’t even that cute and i’m pretty sure he burst a blood vessel trying to suppress the urge to throw a table or smth 👀👀

changbin ♡

• not to roast him or anything but when the sonographer said y’all were having quadruplets he passed out,, in the middle of the sonography room,,,

• “can you check again??”

• “sir i’ve checked 1000 times, i’m certain-“

• “just chECK AGAIN-“

• once changbin got over the initial anxiety, he was over the moon about it

• “damn, is my sperm on steroids or smth??”

• “changbin pls 😭😭”

• he’s seriously caring tho

• he always makes sure you’re on time to your prenatal classes and doctors appointments

• and he’s all read up on the latest child rearing tips and tricks 😌😌😌

• but absolutely expect changbin to pop ur pregnancy ball from bouncing on it too hard

• (we all know changbin has a phat ass)

hyunjin ♡

• you were both really nervous about having triplets, but hyunjin more so than you

• mostly bc he felt so powerless

• you were carrying T H R E E babies when most people only have O N E

• so he promised himself that he’d be there for every moment of your pregnancy, holding your hand every step of the way just to make sure you never felt intimidated or alone

• 😭😭😭 don’t mind me 😭😭😭😭 just sobbing over hyunjin 😭😭😭😭😭

• he buys designer baby clothes all 👏the 👏time👏

• u try and tell him to slow down but he doesn’t listen

• “c’moooon, we’re having triplets! we’re gonna need lots of baby clothes!”

• “not designer baby clothes! they’re just gonna poop and puke all over them!”

• “idc, no child of mine will be dressing like some n00b”

jisung ♡

• ur pregnancy was quite a tough one

• you both knew it was likely gonna be that way, but that didn’t stop it from being any less difficult

• “these kids kick too damn much”

• “c’mon, it’s a good thing they’re kicking. it means they’re healthy and active.”

• “that’s not the issue, it’s that they’re kicking each other and i’m getting caught in the crossfire”

• “do you need me to have a word with them?”

• “sure?” 🤨🤨

• “hey, you two. quit fighting”

• *the babies continue to beat the crap out of each other, elliciting a groan from you”

• “don’t make me come in there! i’m your father and you will listen to me.”

• it didn’t help much but it’s the thought that counts

• (dad!jisung has me so soft 🐝)

• on a similar note, jisung ALWAYS knows how to lift ur mood when ur feeling particularly hormonal or sensitive

• whether it’s giving you a back massage and cuddles

• or just listening to you vent

• jisung tries his hardest to be a supportive presence bc having twins is a big deal and not everyone knows what ur going through

felix ♡

• being pregnant with triplets was an experience to say the absolute least

• ur pregnancy was so w e i r d

• strong!! pregnancy!!! cravings!!!!

• onion rings with strawberry jam 🤢🤢

• pickle juice and vanilla icecream 🤢🤢🤢

• apple slices and mustard 🤢🤢🤢🤢

• felix insists on cooking for u

• he’s so disgusted by ur food cravings, but pretends not to be bc ur so sensitive that any sort of criticism will have you bawling ur eyes out

• and if you start crying, so does felix

• and then everyone starts crying

• felix is sosososoSO gentle with u

• he’s very careful not to wake you in the night

• and he’ll help you put ur shoes on and get dressed when u get too big to do it on ur own

• which he loves 💕❤️

• looking after you is a big thing for felix, especially with three babies on the way

seungmin ♡

• he had this weird premonition/feeling/dream that y’all were gonna have a lot of kids

• but seungmin could NOT have comprehended that y’all were having quadruplets,,,

• he’s similar to changbin in that he was in a state of shock and disbelief when he found out (unsurprisingly) but it didn’t take long for him to get used to the idea of it

• bc quadruplet pregnancies tend to be shorter, he wanted to get all the important stuff out of the way first

• like putting together the nursery

• he enlisted the help of his group members bc there was just so much stuff to put together

• chan, hyunjin, minho and changbin got the most stuff done, whilst jisung, jeongin and felix sorta just fucked shit up

• you and seungmin sorta just watched from the sidelines like: 🤭😮

• making sure that you felt confident in yourself as a parent was really important to him

• which brings me to this cute fact: seungmin compliments and praises you ALL👏THE👏TIME👏

• “you’re so good at this!”

• “your bump looks so cute, i’m gonna rlly miss it”

• “our kids are rlly lucky to have u as their parent”

jeongin ♡

• jeongin couldn’t make it to the first scan because the weather was so awful and no bus would take him, so you went on your own and called him after to tell him the good news

• “we’re having TWO babies??? in one go???”

• “yes, innie, we’re having twins!!”

• “but I’M a baby!! can u really handle two more???”

• as much as you two both like to joke, ur pregnancy really matured him as a person

• jeongin was determined to be the best possible father for his children, no questions asked 😌😌

• so he read all the books.....

• and went to all the prenatal yoga classes.......

• and did all the things you’re supposed to do.......

• but, for jeongin, that didn’t quite feel like enough

• he only felt ready to be a parent when he spoke with his dad and grandpa, who both confided in him that they felt just as unprepared and inadequate as he did and that’s sorta just a part of being a parent

• fortunately, that gave him a lot more confidence

• and when your due date came, he handled everything so calm and confidently

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids blurbs #stray kids drabbles #stray kids headcanons #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #skz chan x reader #lee know x reader #skz minho x reader #changbin x reader #skz changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #skz hyunjin x reader #han x reader #skz jisung x reader #felix x reader #skz felix x reader #seungmin x reader #jeongin x reader #bang chan fluff #lee know fluff #changbin fluff #hyunjin fluff #han fluff #felix fluff #seungmin fluff #jeongin fluff #kpop headcanons

[rahleeyah]

After rewatching the Christmas episode one thing I noticed is that in that scene where El and Liv are talking to the doctor and Elliot begins to panick and being defensive and she says his name and that grounds him immediately and then he listens to what the doctor is saying, this scene just puts much more meaning to the statement " If I heard your voice I wouldn't have been able to leave", because just the sound of her voice was enough for him to stop his mental breakdown, when he said it in the hospital scene on ROTPS it was almost poetic but this showed that he indeed at least felt incapable of hearing her or looking at her when he decided to retire because he would have been powerless if she had asked him to stay. And that brings me back to wonder what exactly was he expecting when he atended her ceremony? Now we have more context, we know Kathy wanted them to go and for him to give her a letter that would give them closure and probably would put a definitive distance between them but was he really unbothered about just how much effect would seeing and hearing Liv again would have on him? If all had happened according to plan he probably would still have returned to Rome but I don't think he would have felt any closure, I wish this would have been adressed on the show it still intrigues me from his POV. It's a shame that all went downhill with Isabel Gillies because not that I think it would have happened but it would've been very interesting for them to shoot a flashback scene where we saw El's motivation to seek Fin and finally decide to see Liv again and of course that damn letter and more context of the Puglia job that put him on odds with Wheatley and his father.

ok there's a lot going on here and i may miss something so i apologize in advance but some Thoughts:

1. liv's voice is the only one he'll hear. it's always been the only one he'll hear. one word from her and he pulls himself in. and it's not that she controls him - how does she make you do anything? - it's that he controls himself, for her sake. for her, he wants to be better. and he knows, he knows, that voice would have called him home. just the sound of it would have moved him, not because she makes him do anything but bc his love of her means that he'll do anything for her. it's so fucking good i wanna scream

2. oh holy shit yeah elliot what the fuck was your plan? it almost comes off like the writers didn't have a plan, as regarded elliot's actual reason for ducking into and out of liv's life, and they hadn't written the letter at that point, but if i may meta a little now - it's been ten years. elliot's life is in rome. he knows liv is a captain now, that she's moved on, built a good life for herself. finally, after all this time, he has a chance to see her. a chance when he won't be risking his whole life for her; he knows, now, after a fucking decade, that he has no claim on her. maybe there is a part of him that thinks it's almost safe, now. that he can catch one last glimpse of her. kathy suggests the letter as a way of bringing them closure and if indeed he only saw her that one night and pressed the letter into her hands and disappeared, it would have, i think, been closure. but knowing that this is his last - his only - chance to tell her how he feels, elliot can't help but add it will always be you and I. elliot has to call out to her, one last time. to let her know that he knows he has no chance of having her in this life - bc again at that point kathy is alive and their family is living on the other side of the world - but he wanted the chance, just the same. that he hopes in some other life, they would have got it right. holy shit that's so much.

3. i kinda want a fic like that tbh. a like prelude to rotps. elliot calling fin, promising he'll call liv. getting her number from fin, even, and staring at it, unable to dial the numbers. kathy feeling el pull away as the moment when he's gonna see liv approaches, and her taking charge of him. trying to help him, and trying to keep her family whole in the process. just. what that all would have looked like this is a fascinating Concept

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

[souryogurt64]

I’ve been looking but I can’t find much about Patrick talking about this except for when he released Soul Punk and said his mom told him it finally sounded like him 🥺

But idk do you think Patrick had kind of like impostor syndrome at least when the band first started out? Like I’m sure he had girls throw themselves at him thinking that Bc he was the lead singer those were his words and they… weren’t, like they were Pete’s and idk if he felt like he was voicing someone else’s image like Pete was using him to speak in a lot of ways - like I know Pete did most of the promo bc patrick was shy but like idk. I feel like casual listeners (unless they were super into tabloids) would just assume and think he was this sexy depressed emo boy who wrote about lying in the dark on top of girls and telling girls to keep quiet because nothing comes as easy as them snd.. Patrick was not like that as evidenced by Soul Punk.

Idk it’s like he’s very different from Pete so I feel like that would result in some cognitive dissonance at least at first esp when all these people sssume he wrote the words. And I’m not saying he didn’t contribute at all like obviously he’s the reason most of the music sounds the way it does bc he is an amazing composer but like the words aren’t his and that’s a huge part of FOB too and like no girl is gonna come up to him and be like “omg I love the way you decided to use this chord progression here” (I mean maybe there would be but it’s less likely than “omg I love how you understand me, like yes put the doctor on the phone cause I’m not making any sense” and he’s not the one responsible for that). Idk. I mean I get why he wouldn’t talk about that like that’s uncomfy bc pete would’ve been right there and like I’m sure Pete didn’t love being overshadowed just bc he didn’t sing the words. I mean Pete did his best to make sure he wasn’t overshadowed lmao, if anything Joe and Andy are the underrated members of the band but I’ve been thinking about this whole Patrick/Pete recognition thing a lot lately. I think now they’re cool I mean if this was an issue they wouldn’t still be making music together but I feel like it would’ve had to have been an issue at some point during the first few album cycles

Also I think this is why Patrick is very upset over Soul Punk’s reception and it makes me sad :/

oh absolutely i agree with everything you said re:words v music. pete doesnt even believe girls actually want to fuck him let alone patrick. like obviously theyre celebrities so nobody really knows them but i mean purely physically, like i think its clear patrick doesnt think girls want to screw him purely based off of looks and pete doesnt think that either even though he was a sex symbol because hes like 5’5” and has huge teeth and chubby cheeks

i also think that patrick and joe have literally no concept of a normal life because pete just kind of swooped in and took them on tour when they were 16 and they were barely ever home, and pete who was 21 engineered this whole thing and then by the time folie failed and the band broke up patrick was literally only like 25 and he had been in this band for almost a decade and went from being a kid from the suburbs to super famous to this washed up celebrity. could not imagine. like what would you even do. how would you even live. the you liked me better fat essay is so desperate

same with panic at the disco honestly, ryan was only 24 and the same thing had happened and in the only TYV interview hes wearing a suit and talking with this pretentious wannabe british affectation and trying to look so suave and like he has his shit together but he cant stop fidgeting and theyre asking him about tanking record sales etc and hes clearly freaking out, tyv also kind of failed and then he ended up hooked on coke. its so sad honestly

[katahnisharma]

gone (4) | t.h.

Summary: tom is back from shooting cherry, but he’s not okay.

Warnings: this started as my entry to the lovely b’s writing challenge @worldoftom, but you guys were so amazing and wanted a second part. this is a very emotional chapter and there are mentions of anxiety, depression, and overall intense emotions so please be careful loveys ♡

A/N: hey guys it’s been a while but life has been really really difficult so i'm sorry for the wait! i'm not entirely sure if anyone still cares about this series so here’s hoping :) for this chapter i listened to light of love by florence + the machine and all good things come to an end by the og queen nelly furtado lol. also Tumblr apparently won’t let me link certain things so if you’re looking for my masterlist or playlist it’s in my bio ♡

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

gif by @hllands

“Hey, did I leave my notebook in the living room?” You asked, letting your tea bag soak in the mug Tom always saved for you. It was an unspoken rule, that dark blue cup with the constellations on it from his mother was yours only. You mentioned how beautiful it was once, and Tom remembered.

It went on the list with the others.

“You mean the one with the polaroid on the cover? No, it’s not in here.” Tom called back, scrolling through Netflix to find a movie for the both of you. He’d just come back from the junket for Spies in Disguise, and he immediately called his best friend over to spend the day with him.

Well, it was supposed to be more than just another day.

Because today he was going to tell you he loved you.

“Hmm, maybe I left it in my bag upstairs. I’ll get it when I’m done with the tea.” You said, setting your mug down on the counter. It looked like it needed sugar, so you rootled around for the little jar Tom kept in one of his cabinets.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go get it!” Tom said from the couch, his nerves beginning to make him jittery. He thought that while you were in the kitchen, picking a movie would help him calm down. But he couldn’t focus on any of the descriptions, and Tom could feel his heart beat faster and faster.

He needed to get up for a few minutes.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to pick the movie then?” You teased, knowing very well Tom hadn’t found a movie yet. It was a bit of a running gag, him never being able to pick a movie. You would bite your lip to stop from laughing when he eventually got frustrated and handed you the remote.

And even in his nervous state, Tom still grinned because of you.

“Yeah, yeah, like you’re any better. We’ve seen The Avengers twice!” He shot back, a smirk on his lips when he heard you scoff in the kitchen. Apart from your smile, making you jokingly annoyed was Tom’s favorite thing. He liked how cute you were when he teased you.

“Shut up and get my notebook, Tommy!” You laughed, and Tom felt his cheeks warm at the sound.

God you were so fucking perfect.

When Harrison woke up, he almost forgot where he was. But then his vision cleared and there you were, lying in the hospital bed. Harrison’s heart clenched at the sight, remembering the events of last night that landed you here with an IV in your arm. He sat up and stretched, the old wooden chair squeaking against the floor.

The sound was what made you stir, your mind waking up from the dream.

“Harrison?” You whispered, your eyes adjusting to the dim lights in the room. The hospital bed you’d fallen asleep in the night before seemed to glow next to you, but you realized it was just an IV hooked up in your arm. Harrison smiled softly, getting up and coming to stand by your side.

“Hey, you were out like a light.” He said, handing you the glass of water a nurse had brought. You gratefully brought it to your lips, feeling a little dehydrated from whatever fluids were in the IV bag. Harrison gave your free hand a squeeze before crossing to the windows, playing with the blinds to let some sun in.

“How long have you been here?” You asked, playing with the sheets mindlessly. Harrison thought about lying, telling you he’d only arrived a few minutes ago. Because he knew you’d feel bad about it, but you could always tell when he lied.

“Since last night. I stayed here, didn’t want you to be alone.” Harrison replied, and you frowned almost immediately. You felt bad enough that he’d driven you to the hospital on his day off, but knowing that he’d also spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable, crappy chair didn’t help with the guilt.

“And before you say ‘you shouldn’t have’, just remember you would have done the same for me. So stop beating yourself up about it.” He said, going back to his chair. You winced when it made the same creaking sound, like it was about to break. Harrison noticed, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“But this chair was really unbearable.” He chuckled, and you finally smiled again.

“Shut up, you idiot.” You giggled, chucking a pillow at Harrison right as the nurse peeked in. You felt your face burn as she smiled at the two of you, Harrison picking up the pillow sheepishly and biting back a laugh.

“Glad to see the patient is feeling better. Can I get you anything, love?” She asked kindly, picking up the now empty class beside you. You smiled at her, shaking your head. You really just wanted to be discharged so you could leave, hospitals always made you nervous. The smell of disinfectant and the general sense of uncertainty were not your favorite sense overloads.

“No, but thank you for everything. Do you know if I’ll be able to leave today?” You asked, and the nurse nodded her head.

“You should be all set to be discharged in an hour. The doctor will check in on you in thirty minutes and then you’re all free to go.” She said, taking the pillow from an embarassed Harrison. You giggled a little when she fluffed the pillow, and returned it to your bed.

“Great, thank you again!” She gave you one last smile before leaving the room, and Harrison breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I’m really hungry.”

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For Harry, last night would probably be one of the worst and strangest of his life.

After Tom broke down and sobbed into his shirt for two hours straight, he became so frenetic that Harry was afraid he would end up accidentally hurting himself. Tom tried to pack a suitcase to go after you, but he almost slipped in the shower and was so disoriented that he ran into the bedroom wall. Then he tried to cook something on the stove for Harry, but left the fire on while he got distracted trying to find your favorite cereal. Tom wasn’t completely all there, and it was pretty obvious to Harry that he was having some sort of episode.

So once Tom was focused enough to eat the banana his brother opened for him, Harry called his mother.

“Mom, I need you to tell me the name of that anxiety medicine. The one that sometimes works as a sedative.” Harry cast a glance at Tom on the couch, watching him slowly chew the banana with glossy eyes. He had been silently crying at odd times this morning, and it was definitely making Harry nervous.

“Why? Harry, what’s happened?” Nikki immediately sounded worried, running over to the medicine cabinet. She kept the anxiety medicine mainly for Harry, who used to have pretty severe bouts himself. The episodes became few and far between, until they stopped altogether.

But now Nicki was concerned Harry was having them again.

“It’s not for me, Mum. It’s for Tom. I think he’s having some sort of breakdown, and I’m afraid he might accidentally do something stupid and hurt himself.” Harry said, looking over his shoulder to see Tom staring at the banana, almost lifelessly.

“For Tom? Harry, please tell me what’s going on.” Nikki said, clutching the bottle in her hand nervously.  

“I think Tom and Y/N might be over.” Harry said, and the words had more weight than he thought they would. Like it was finally a possible reality, one where you and Tom weren’t together anymore.

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

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“Can you get in the car alright? Need any help?” Harrison asked, hovering over you as the two of you walked to the hospital parking lot. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his protective behavior. He’d been like this during your dischargement too, and it was sweet but definitely unnecessary.

“Haz, I told you. I’m perfectly fine, I swear. It really doesn’t hurt that much, and I can absolutely get into the car on my own.” You said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. Harrison sighed, biting his lip a little worriedly.

“Okay, okay, just making sure. I just don’t want you to aggravate the injury or anything. At least not until we get you home and set up.” He replied, and you couldn’t help it. You leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, watching Harrison’s mouth immediately drop open in shock.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“To thank you for being the world’s greatest div. I love you, idiot.” You said, laughing when Harrison slung an arm around your shoulder. He rolled his eyes at you, smiling playfully.

“You know I love you too, but you really didn’t need to give me that weirdass kiss.” Harrison chuckled, immediately ducking into the car before you decided to throw your purse at him. Scoffing, you got into the passenger seat and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! That hurt!”

“I’ll have you know my kisses are wonderful!” You giggled, clapping a hand over your mouth when Harrison started to fake cry and clutch his arm.

“If I agree, will you leave me alone?” Harrison laughed, starting the car and reversing out of the parking lot. You smiled wickedly, reaching up to ruffle his precious hair. Harrison recoiled instantly, whining at your little stunt.

“I take it back, I actually hate you.”

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“Where is he?” Nikki asked, rushing into the living room. Harry jumped up and led her to the bedroom, where Tom was curled up in a ball. Under the covers, he was crying softly and clutching what looked like a sweater. It seemed too small to be his, and Harry immediately realized it was your favorite sweater. The one Tom loved on you because it was what you were wearing when both of you met for the first time.

“Tom? Love, look at me please.” Nikki whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked over at Harry and mimed a glass of water, which he left to get from the kitchen. Once they were alone, Nikki gently pulled the covers back. Tom lay there, tears streaming down his face and the front of your sweater soaked.

“She’s gone...” Tom whimpered, trying to pull the covers back over his head. He was completely spent, the possibility that you were really gone hitting him like a train. Tom had pictured the rest of his life with you, and now nothing seemed worthwhile anymore if you weren’t there beside him.

“Y/N? Tell me what happened, Tom.” Nikki said, running a gentle hand through his hair. Tom relaxed under her touch, reminded of all the times in his childhood that he lay in bed upset. Breakups, rejections, failures, his mother had seen them all. And she'd always been there for him.

“We got into a fight...a big fight….and I threw my phone….”

“At her? Tom, how could you do that?” Nikki gasped softly, and Tom’s eyes widened. He found the strength to sit up, looking his mother right in the eyes.

“No...no! I would never hurt her! I threw it at the wall and I locked myself in the bathroom. But….when I came out….she was gone and there was b-blood on the f-floor and...I think-I think I-” Tom couldn’t get the rest of his words out, and Nikki knew enough to envelop her son in a hug.

“It’s okay...it’s okay, Tom.” She sighed, holding her eldest son close. The whole thing was confusing, but if Nikki knew anything about your relationship with Tom it was that it had been the best one he’d ever had. You were kind, intelligent, and strong, exactly what she had always wanted Tom to have in a partner. But hearing Tom cry and work himself up meant she knew what she needed to say. Tom had to stop living in his head.

“Tom? I want you to listen to me, it’ll be okay.”

“But….she’s gone and I hurt her….I can’t ever forgive myself…” Tom sobbed, but Nikki was adamant she would speak and get through to him.

“Look, the past is the past, it’s not in our hands.  You have the chance to ask for her forgiveness, and explain what you’re feeling right now. Don’t let your past actions dictate the future, love. That would be a mistake, because I know Y/N. She loves you and she wants to be there for you. She’ll understand what you’re going through because she cares, that’s what a real partner does. They want the best for you because it’s you. You need to forgive yourself so that she can help you heal.”

“But what if she doesn’t w-want me anymore? I know I scared her….I never wanted to do that b-but she’s been hurt and left because of me….I’m afraid Y/N won’t love me anymore!” Tom cried, his body shaking a little. Nikki rubbed his back and took the water glass from Harry, who’d reappeared in the room.

“Darling, you have to try. You have to fight for the love you want. You don’t think your father and I have gotten angry with each other? We fight and that’s normal, but at the end of it all we come back to each other. I put my feelings aside and listen to him, and he does the same. That’s how it works, we love each other so much that I’ll forgive him and he’ll forgive me.”

Nikki took Harry’s hand and held it, and Tom was finally still. There was no more crying, no more shaking. It was just a moment frozen in time, the three of them together in a little room. Harry hugged Tom and Nikki kissed his forehead, and for the first time in 36 hours Tom wasn’t afraid anymore. The fight wasn’t plaguing him anymore, and neither was the aftertaste of filming that had been slowly poisoning his mind. All he could see was you, like a vision before him wiping his tears away. With that same smile that he had fallen in love with so easily, because it was purely yours.

And that was enough for Tom to be at peace with himself.

“Thank you.” Tom whispered, and Nikki was able to smile again. Harry ruffled his hair, making Tom punch him softly in the arm. He reached for the water glass and the pills in Nikki’s hand, knowing that he needed to take them.

“Take these two and it’ll help a little with the anxiety. It’ll also make you a little drowsy, but it might be good to sleep it all off properly. I’ll stay here with Harry until you wake up, okay?” Nikki said, and Tom let him expend enough energy to nod and smile.

“Just...just please make sure Y/N is okay? Make sure that nothing’s wrong?” Tom said, and Nikki squeezed his right hand. Harry had his left.

“Always. Now get some real sleep, you’re going to need it...”

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“Can we please listen to something other than your terrible daily mix?” You laughed, Harrison clutching his chest to feign offence. He reluctantly handed you the aux cord and you smiled, knowing exactly what you wanted to play. Taking a couple seconds to sift through your own playlists, you found the song you were looking for and pressed play. Harrison smirked at your choice, rolling his eyes at the songs you played over and over again. He attempted to steal the aux back from you, but you dodged him quickly.

“Hey, focus mister! I’m not about to get into an accident right out of the hospital!” You said, giggling as he started to belt out the lyrics and dance. He laughed, rolling his eyes as he focused on the road again.

“I’m a great driver! I’m just trying to save myself from your shit music taste.” He said with a smirk and now it was your turn to roll your eyes. Harrison wasn’t a bad driver, but he definitely wasn’t a great one. The first time you had gotten into the car with him had been to get groceries and it was a disaster. He forgot to turn around before reversing and nearly hit a little old lady with her cart, and almost got hit merging onto the highway. After that, you were careful to look out for him even if it meant you became a backseat driver.

“Sure, Haz. Whatever you want to believe. Just please get us home in one piece!” You laughed, leaning your head back and letting the sunlight warm your face. If not for the events of the previous day, you would have basked in the glory of such a beautiful day.

But your mind turned to Tom, as it always seemed to.

“Hey, is my bag in the back?” You asked, suddenly desperate to check its contents. Harrison turned down the music, furrowing his eyebrows at your change in mood. You turned to look at him, a slight fear in your eyes. Harrison nodded, gesturing to the backseat.

“Yeah, it’s there. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I just...I just need to make sure something is in there…” You trailed off, swiveling in your seat to grab at your handbag. Harrison watched from the corner of his eye as you set it on your lap, rootling through it quickly.

“Whoa, whoa. What are you looking for?” Harrison asked, a little concerned by how frantic you seemed to be. With a sigh of relief, you feel your hands grasp what you’re looking for and you pull it out slowly. Harrison’s eyes automatically soften, seeing your eyes water with your most prized possession in your hand.

“Is that the notebook Tom bought you? The one he bought you when he found out you wanted to be a writer?”

“Y-yeah...it is. I just wanted to make sure it was still there, you know? That’s dumb, isn’t it? I mean...he probably doesn’t even want to be with me a-anymore. So...so why am I….why am I holding on like this?” You felt the dam break finally, the tears streaming down your face. Harrison bit his lip, pulling the car over and unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Hey...hey...look at me.” Your tears were staining the cover, the little drops of water creating little streams on the surface. It felt like someone had pulled the rug from underneath you, and that you’d discovered there was no floor. What would you do without Tom? You loved him more than anything, but you were no fool. His anger couldn’t have come from out of the blue, it was something repressed that Tom had been feeling for a long time. Without warning, your insecurities began to mount.

Maybe he was bored of you.

Maybe you annoyed him.

Maybe he’d found someone else.

Maybe you weren’t good enough and he’d realized it.

And then the worst of them all.

Maybe the rest of the world was right.

“I’m losing him.” You whispered, and Harrison’s heart clenched at your words. He knew you were always insecure about dating Tom, but you’d never vocalized anything like this before.

“No, no you’re…”

“I’m not an idiot, Haz! I’ve seen the signs! H-he’s done with me….I’m just d-delaying the inevitable. I should have….I should have known I wasn’t good enough for him. He’s him and I’m j-just me, who the hell was I fooling? E-even the fans knew it!”

“Y/N...come on...that’s not-”

“He hasn’t wanted to spend any real time with me since he came back from Cherry. It’s like I don’t even exist to him, I’m invisible until he has to talk to me. I’ve tried five times to get him to have dinner with me and he rejected me every time, Haz. All I’ve heard for two months is ‘I’m going out with the boys, sorry’ or ‘Just going to sleep, don’t feel like eating’. And I tried to understand, I really did. It must have been so hard shooting a movie like that, it would be emotionally draining for anyone. Hell, even the book is emotionally draining-”

“I don’t think...”

“Let me finish, please? Haz, I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired, I’m so tired. I can’t fight for this relationship anymore when I’m not even sure if he wants it. He pushes me away all the time and it hurts me to see him like that. Tom isn’t happy, and I think it’s because of me. So I won’t hold him back anymore, I’ll just quietly disappear. No drama, no fighting, nothing. I can’t bear knowing I’m the reason he’s unhappy, it would kill me to think that.”

You broke again, the tears burning your eyes as you clutched the notebook tighter to your chest. It brought you a little comfort, knowing what you would have to do next. You needed to leave Tom, to let him live his life and be happy. You clearly couldn’t make him happy anymore and though that was something you’d struggled to accept in the last few hours, it was the right thing to do. You had no delusions about the way you looked, you always felt rather plain and boring compared to the beautiful women Tom was used to being around. He would be better off with someone else, someone as amazing as him.

Someone who isn’t you.

Harrison’s throat went dry as you slowly raised a hand to wipe at your tears, your eyes glossing over as you stared lifelessly out the window. He had a horrible feeling that you were serious about what you had just said, and he wasn’t sure how all this had happened. How could he have let you feel like this?

How could they not have noticed?

“Please, please don’t say-”

“Harrison, I have to. I can’t do this anymore.” You whispered, and Harrison stopped mid sentence. You never called him by his full name, it was always just Haz. He squeezed your hand as you cried, sobs wracking your body that made him cry too. You barely got the words out, but Harrison knew them before you said it.

“I have to leave because I love him.”

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[spencerspecifics]

What about a moried fluffy fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

You have no clue how much I absolutely love this song prompt thank u anon moreid is my shit here we go. (It is fluffy but it’s angsty in the beginning so yeah stay for the fluff thanks.) And I’m so sorry this took so long to get up! I took some time off from writing bc of lots of factors.

Lowkey TW?? Slight homophobia Bc Derek’s gf thinks he’s “too gay” even tho he’s just bi Also, song lyrics are in bold lettering. They’re going to be part the story here and there to help plot and whatnot so yeah!

———————————————————————

You Belong With Me

———————————————————————

Spencer had a problem. Namely a person problem. A Derek Morgan problem. Spencer didn’t hate Derek, quite the opposite, actually. Spencer was crushing hard on the man. And he couldn’t do anything. Spencer would rather lose his right hand then tell Derek how he felt about him, he couldn’t risk their friendship over his stupid little crush.

But just because he hid his feelings, ignored them through hell and high water- it didn’t mean they weren’t real, or weren’t there. They were both very real and apparent. Every time Derek called him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘genius’ or ‘handsome’, every time Derek wrapped his arm around him casually or did small things to showed him he cared, caused Spencer to blush and go speechless. Spencer was smart, but how to react to someone you’re infatuated with giving you attention, he’d never be able to solve that.

Time and time again, though, he found himself in situations where it was just him and Derek- and everything in his brain and body would scream at him to tell him how much he liked him, tell him how they should be together. It just made sense, after all.

Long paragraph short, here are the four times Spencer felt like they belonged together, and the one time Derek realized they do belong together.

~

“...You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s goin’ off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do...”

~

Spencer hung out with Derek a lot, it was just by default. He wasn’t a social individual, but he pack bonded with the team. Spencer saw everyone there as his friends, so yeah, he hung out with Derek. They would go do things together, grab lunch, get coffee, meet up to go shopping. Painfully mundane tasks that were so domestic it could cause spencer another migraine if he thought about it for long enough.

It was on one of these mundane days when problems slowly arose. They were in the mall, sat in the food court. Spencer was looking over a new book he had just bought, it was a thick book on physics, it would probably take him a day or two at most to read it, his tray of food in front of him was still mostly untouched.

Unlike Spencer, Derek was eating. Though it was greasy mall pizza, it was still food. Derek decided he’d run a few extra miles to work it off as some sort of consequence for his action.

They sat in silence, Spencer already flipping through pages quickly, mouthing the words he was reading over to himself; and Derek chewing silently as he watched the genius in front of him.

That was, until, Derek’s phone rang. Breaking the ambiance that had surrounded the two. Spencer didn’t look up, he was too invested in the book in front of him. Derek reacted, though, wiping his hands off on a napkin before grabbing his cell phone out of his back pocket. He looked over the caller ID, it was Melissa.

Melissa was his newest fling, Spencer had heard bits and pieces of Garcia and Derek’s conversation surrounding the topic, but he knew the bare minimum- deciding best to not involve himself with how his crushes romantic life was soaring- meanwhile his was crashing.

Spencer didn’t know it was Melissa though, not until Derek pulled the phone up to his ear and said; “Hey, Melissa!”

If anyone on their team was with them and watching Spencer, they would have noticed the way his eyes looked off the book for a moment, up at Derek, before immediately turning back down; to reread the same page he didn’t need to reread because he could just go back into his memory to figure out what the words on the paper meant to say. But he had to reread the page. The strongest memory in the whole universe couldn’t tell him what was on the page in front of him, he was distracted.

Melissa on the other line started speaking. Derek listened before responding; “Oh, not much, Y’know- just at the mall with the doc.”

Spencer kept himself staring down at the book in front of him, even though he could feel the blush rising up to his ears. It was stupid that made him blush like a schoolgirl. But he couldn’t help it. So instead, he hid in the pages about quantum mechanics. Something real, something not confusing. Something that was pure and basic and understanding.

“No-“ Derek chuckled, “No, pretty boy ain’t that type of doctor,” god, this was going to be the death of Spencer. Pretty boy always was something that made him melt. He couldn’t help it, god knows he tried. He did all the distraction techniques he could find. None of them really worked.

Spencer opted to hide in his book more, act like he wasn’t listening to Derek. Even though he was. He was always hooked on every last word the man spoke, it always mattered. This was just a hopeless effort, Spencer realized, as he sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“Now, what on earth are you- hey, baby- beautiful, what are you-“ Derek started, sounding concerned.

Spencer couldn’t help it at this point, he looked up over the top of the book. Derek was looking at his phone in bewilderment. It was no longer up to his ear.

“...Everything okay?” Spencer asked curiously after a moment. Derek just sighed setting his phone down on the table next to his food tray. “I don’t even know, man. I called you pretty boy and that made Melissa flip- she was all like ‘who’s pretty boy? We discussed you being bisexual already, you better not be changing up on me’. Then she hung up.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Spencer replied, book still up between him and Morgan. “Yeah, I’m confused. It was a joke.” Derek explained to Reid, as if Spencer was ever owed an explanation regarding this.

“She must be insecure.” Spencer theorized plain and simple. Derek watched him curiously instead of asking anything to lead him on, “If she gets the idea that we’re a thing- just based on a nickname, then she’s gonna hate you and Garcia. You don’t need someone like that.”

Derek sighed, “You’re right. But I really thought she was great.” “Maybe she is,” Spencer shrugged, “I don’t know her. You do. All I’m saying is, she won’t like you and Garcia if she didn’t like my nickname.”

That elicited a chuckle from Derek, a sound Spencer always cherished in hearing. “Yeah, I can’t have someone hating my favorite boy wonder,” once again, Spencer could feel the blush coming onto his face. He was just hoping the lighting inside the mall food court didn’t make it all too obvious. “I’ll talk to her about it.” Derek decided. Spencer just nodded, not entirely wanting to talk right now.

“Yeah.. um, do what’s best.” Spencer agreed blandly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. And wasn’t this just laughable? Giving his crush dating advice? Spencer wasn’t stupid, but he was in this scenario.

“Yeah, I will. Anyways,” Derek continued the conversation casually, reaching out covering Spencer’s book with his hand. “What are you-“ Spencer started, confused. “Taking away your book. Eat before your food gets cold.” Derek spoke plainly, as if this was so obvious. He pulled Spencer’s book out of his grasp, setting it down next to himself; before pushing Spencer’s untouched tray of food in front of him.

“I’m not very-“ Spencer started, already trying to reach back for his book. Derek just shook his head, pulling the book closer to him. “Nuh-uh, not today. Not today. You’re eating. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Spencer sunk down in his seat a little as he finally caved, agreeing and eating the mall food. Granted, it wasn’t great, but it was food, and he did need to eat. Last thing he had eaten that day was a granola bar for breakfast, and Derek knew that he forgot to eat.

He ate in silence as Derek watched him, before moving his gaze to casually watch the other mall patrons. It was so entirely stupid and domestic of them. It was nothing special, it wasn’t even that good of a memory. But for some reason, Spencer knew that was the first time he felt something new towards Derek. More new than just his crush. It was a new, overwhelming feeling of “I wouldn’t treat you that way” “I wouldn’t care if you called someone babygirl” “I would be better for you” before finally, his mind landed on, “you belong with someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone like me. You belong with me.”

That’s when Spencer knew he was fucked, more so than before.

~

“...I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the type of music she doesn’t like. And she’ll never know your story like I do...”

~

The second time was at Spencer’s apartment. He had complained about his bookshelf not being stable enough to hold all his books, and Derek had practically invited himself over; “C’mon, Reid. It’ll be good. Get some quality time without the ladies, we can order Chinese, plus I can show you how to fix your shelf so you don’t have to ask for help next time.”

So yeah, now they had gone directly from work to Spencer’s apartment- the only pit stop being to Derek’s house to pick up his toolbox, as Spencer didn’t have one.

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pushover, because damnit, now he was gonna be in his apartment with Derek. That didn’t seem like a problem to anyone else, obviously- because they weren’t crushing hard on the guy. So Spencer just had to stand there and hide how much he liked Derek, and how at home Derek made his apartment feel- because it felt better with him there. He belonged there.

Spencer ignored his thoughts as they got into his apartment, he led Derek over to the problematic bookshelf in question. Some of the books had toppled off the shelves, and were on the ground below. “Damn, Reid, you don’t mess around with all these books.” Derek joked lightly as he looked over the immense amount of books Spencer had shoved onto the shelf; Derek squatted down, lowering the tool kit next to him as he started taking books off the shelves one by one so he could further inspect what was wrong with it.

Spencer protested, not understanding Derek was joking, “It’s not my fault- the bookshelf is supposed to hold books, if it can’t do what’s promised then that’s on the manufacturers error.”

Derek just chuckled slowly in response before replying, still pulling books off the shelves “Don’t worry, pretty boy, we’ll get this sorted out for you, alright? Just get some music on so we got something to hang to.” Derek wasn’t looking at Spencer, thank god- or he’d see how the genius got so flustered so quickly, how quickly a blush spread across his face, and how he immediately looked away from him, to the walls, the floor. To look at anything but Derek.

“Yes- right. Music.” Spencer changed his focus, he couldn’t think about how good it felt to be called a pet name by Derek. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or else he’d never stop. So he busied himself with getting some music to play through the quiet apartment, he turned over to his old radio that was sat on his study desk, it was a loud radio, that’s why he got it. It was compact, but if he put it in the bathroom he could hear it from the kitchen. It was the perfect device for him.

Spencer turned the radio on, the channel he always listened to was already tuned in, so he left it that way. Soft instrumental music started flowing out of the speakers, Derek stopped his motion of putting books down to turn and look at Spencer semi-curiously; “What’s this music?” “Classical.” Spencer replied easily, looking down at the radio as he messed with the volume dial that always seemed to be loose. “It’s on 88.1, they play strictly instrumental and classical pieces. It’s nice.”

Derek didn’t respond, Spencer didn’t need him to respond. It was an inconsequential conversation about music. If Derek didn’t like the station, he was more than welcome to change it to another. But he didn’t, it was Spencer’s apartment, and the soft classical music playing just seemed fitting to play there. Plus Derek just wanted the music as a background sound to help him focus, it wasn’t really important what it was- just that there was music playing.

Spencer went off to the kitchen to find the menu he had saved from the local Chinese restaurant that does deliveries, meanwhile Derek continued pulling books off the shelves. Melissa would hate him for being here, ever since the call at the mall, she was convinced Derek was going to leave her for him- or for another guy. She thought he was “too gay” to stay with her, obviously that’s not how him or his bisexuality works. But Melissa didn’t see it that way.

God, everything Derek saw, Melissa saw differently, it was ironic he was even with her. He saw Penelope Garcia as his best female friend, his babygirl. Melissa saw her as a threat, they had a whole argument about it. Melissa had finally stopped seeing Garcia as a threat when he told her that Garcia was wrapped up in Kevin drama. He wanted to tell Garcia about all of this, but he knew that if he did she would immediately tell him to dump her. Anyone that came between their friendship wasn’t allowed, and that wasn’t a rule Garcia had made up, it was more of an understanding they had come to about their dynamic as friends.

Derek just hadn’t dumped her yet out of fear. This was his first significant other in so long, it felt like a failure to start something and end it. He wanted to fix it. Though he knew it was unlikely he could, he still wanted to try.

Derek kept thinking as he finished pulling the books off until there were none left, he then pulled on the board of the shelf to see how unstable it was, all while continuing to think. He thought about Melissa, but none of it was really positive. It was all what she would hate about him being here, other than the obvious of being with Spencer (which she already disliked. She hated the genius and she hadn’t ever spoken to him, which Derek didn’t think was rational at all.) She would hate how Spencer’s apartment was, the green walls and shelves of books, the lack of a television, the soft glow from the lamps. Derek found every single last one of these qualities endearing, it helped show who Spencer was as a whole. Melissa would see it as a problem.

She’d say green was a gross color, that Spencer needed to be aware of pop culture and get a television, she’d say that Spencer didn’t get out enough and he lived like a hermit; she’d say the lighting was weird and dark, instead of soft and calming.

Derek let out a sigh, deciding to abandon his thoughts as a whole, because they were just starting to irritate him. Spencer was great the way he was, Melissa was being problematic; and him and her really needed couples counseling or something. That was the decision he landed on as he gave his full attention to the wiggly boards in Spencer’s bookshelf.

Derek pulled on the shelf again to test it’s strength. It was loose, pretty close to just falling down altogether. It was good he was here to fix it, Derek concluded, as he reached for the screwdriver in his toolkit.

~

The night continued on, Derek went through part by part, working on fixing Spencer’s bookshelf; meanwhile Spencer had ordered them dinner from the local Chinese place. Reid had thought about setting up the dinner at his kitchen table, before immediately regretting that idea. This was casual, it wasn’t some type of sit down dinner with Derek. That’s the last thing he needed, Spencer decided, as he walked over to Derek and handed him the carton of beef broccoli and a pair of chopsticks to go with.

Derek took them and put them down next to himself quickly, before pivoting into a sitting position on the floor and turning himself away from the bookshelf, facing exactly to the dinner table- which is where Spencer had opted to sit at, alone.

“What’re you doing all the way over there?” Derek’s spoke out to him. Spencer tried to be casual, “All my stuff’s over here, and it’s not that far from you,” he shrugged, hoping Derek wouldn’t go any deeper. But of course, he did. “And I’m over here, so bring your stuff my way- you’re gonna make your repairman eat sitting on the floor alone? That’s cold, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes as he picked up his carton of orange chicken and rice, “Okay, I’m here.” He tried to sound like he was annoyed, instead of stupidly simultaneously happy and unhappy with derek’s request (happy because his stupid crush on Derek, unhappy because of the same, unfortunate reason).

He made his way over to Morgan, sitting down across from him and using the back of his couch as a makeshift chair prop to lean against. He opened up his food, as Derek was now satisfied with this series of events and had gone back to paying attention to his beef broccoli. Spencer picked up his fork, ready to eat and just ignore how he was feeling, when Derek spoke up again; “Seriously- you still don’t know how to use chopsticks?”

Suddenly, Spencer was giving Derek a glare that had no malice, while Derek just chuckled at Spencer’s fury. “I’m tellin’ you. You need to learn how to use chopsticks.” “It’s fine.” Spencer argued weakly, “No way, if suddenly all the forks, knives, and spoons vanished, you’d have to eat with chopsticks.”

“Not true if sporks are still a thing.” Spencer pointed out, “I’m gonna smack you.” Derek replied, now it was Spencer’s turn to laugh.

~

“...But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time...”

~

The third time was when Spencer had resigned, accepting his feelings for what they were. He was now simply playing the waiting game, of waiting his crush out- because god knows he can’t go on like this forever. He hated how things have changed from a small crush into a serious never ending stream of thoughts he had whenever he was with Derek, but that’s how it was for him now.

He had ways to keep himself in check, though. As he always did. One was re-reading long old stories to himself from memory. It usually worked pretty well, and it was a good way to just pass the time in general.

Except for one, especially horrid time, when the FBI baseball team had a game against the CIA’s.

Spencer wasn’t playing, thank god for that. He wasn’t good at sports, though that one time he played baseball with Derek earlier in the season was a great memory he loved to go back to and remember. But that was a fluke, and he knew if he played again it wouldn’t go nearly as well.

Since he wasn’t playing, him and the rest of the team had come along to bring Morgan moral support from the sidelines of the bleachers. What Spencer hadn’t expected was Melissa showing up, too.

~

She showed up at the same time the team did to the field, they set up on the bleachers with some blankets and a basket full of snacks (courtesy of one Penelope Garcia.) and then she was suddenly walking over, surprising the team.

“Hi- um, are you Garcia? Is this the area for the BAU?” She asked, she had shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a flowy pink and yellow sundress. She was pretty, borderline beautiful, there was no denying that.

Spencer decided to start re-reading the books in his head by that point. He could already guess it was Melissa, as Rossi wouldn’t have invited a woman to this event until at least the ninth or eighth date (though with Rossi, Spencer never really knew how he operated in terms of dating, and he had no desire to know). Spencer also knew she wasn’t Hotch’s, as Hotch was too focused on Jack and the team to even consider dating.

Emily was single, and definitely would not invite a guy (or girl) to this either. J.J. was happy with Will, and Penelope had the on and off thing with Kevin. So yeah, Spencer deduced easily that this beautiful mysterious woman was Melissa.

The fact Derek invited Melissa rubbed Spencer the wrong way. But it wasn’t his business, he reminded himself, as he did his best to start focusing in on pride and prejudice in his mind.

Garcia began welcoming Melissa, even though it wasn’t necessary; “It is! And I am! Hi! Are you Melissa? Derek told me you were coming!”

Spencer did his best to not focus on Melissa, skipping forward a few chapters into pride of prejudice in his mind, to keep himself focused. He got pulled from his book though, as Melissa introduced herself and Garcia started introducing the team back;

“Well, grandpa over there is David Rossi,” “Easy, or else you won’t get those extra vacation days I offered you.” Rossi replied simply as hell, reaching for a bag of chips from the basket. “Fine- that esteemed gentleman right there is David Rossi.” “Better.” Rossi responded, a small grin showing across his face. Melissa laughed softly with Garcia and Rossi for a moment before Penelope continued on;

“That’s Aaron Hotchner, and his son Jack.” Garcia pointed them out, Jack was playing on his Nintendo DS, only looking up to wave briefly as Hotch reached over to shake Melissa’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” She smiled at him.

“Those two lovely ladies are Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss, plus Jennifer’s hubby Will and their adorable son Henry,” they all shook hands with Melissa, and J.J. briefly told her that it wasn’t necessary to call her “Jennifer” but instead “J.J.” as that was the name she was most used to.

“Then, we got Doctor beautiful brain, Spencer Reid.” Spencer looked up, giving Melissa a small wave, finally looking her head on. He had seen her, sure, but he hadn’t made eye contact with her until right now. And damn, she looked wild behind the eyes. And not in a good way. She was perky, seemingly almost as positive as Penelope. But that positivity didn’t reach her eyes. She looked Spencer up and down, and there was something deep in her gaze that made him want to get up and walk to the CIA side of the bleachers. It was clear he was going to have to walk on eggshells around her, and he wished he knew why.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Spencer offered up as a greeting, “You too,” Melissa replied, smiling as she turned on her polite charm again. It was only in her eyes he could see her distaste towards him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

~

Melissa settled down, sitting next to the rest of the team as they waited for the game to start. She was thankfully seated near Emily, J.J., and Garcia. So Spencer and her’s conversation was limited.

That was until, he was brought up in conversation; “Oh geez- one of the funniest things was when Spence and Morgan got stuck in that elevator together,” J.J. recounted, causing all four of them to laugh; meanwhile Spencer didn’t react. He was still deep in his mind reading, and though he heard his name called, it didn’t cause him to want to stop.

“Yeah- I heard about that from Derek, he said Spencer spouted off some fact about people and elevator deaths because he was scared.” Melissa turned to Spencer as she spoke, giving him an in to speak. Spencer didn’t realize she had even turned to him, as he was fully focusing his brain power on the pages of the book he had read over before.

“Uh.. what’s he doing?” Melissa asked in a hushed voice to J.J., “Oh- he’s just reading. Spencer, hey.” J.J. said, leaning over and tapping his shoulder, finally catching his attention; causing him to open his eyes.

“Sorry- what?” Spencer finally spoke, as he was fully there and listening to them now, instead of somewhat ignoring them and focusing on a memory of a book.

“..J.J. said you were reading?” Melissa asked curiously, obviously confused. Spencer nodded, “Yes. I was. I have an eidetic memory so I can look back at anything I’ve ever read. So sometimes I go back and read books I’ve read before.” Spencer explained awkwardly, “I do it to, uh, pass the time.”

“Hm.. that’s.. that’s cool. Derek mentioned you were smart, recounting lots of facts.” Melissa said slowly, it seemed like she was trying to gain some sort of edge in the conversation, but thankfully Emily butted in casually- not realizing the odd atmosphere that was slowly building.

“Oh yeah- Reid’s always doing that. Talk to him on Halloween and all he talks about is how paganism played a major role in the now very American, very non-pagan holiday.” The girls laughed on innocently as Melissa gained a serious look in her eye again.

“You know everything?” She asked him, “No.” he replied, he was self assured in this field, he knew how to handle himself when people were doubting his intelligence level. “I just know a lot.” He clarified.

Melissa looked like she was ready to speak, say something to him- he had no clue if it would be good or bad. But everyone’s attention got redirected on the whooping sounds both teams made as they entered the field. The game was starting.

~

Spencer had stayed focused on the game, even running statistics and probabilities in his head on who would come out victorious. Rossi made a joke they should bet on the game like people do on horses, and he’d just cheat and use Reid to make sure he won.

The rest of the team didn’t go for that, as they would employ the same strategy as Rossi, and Spencer was smart enough to give them all the wrong answers so he would actually win.

It was now the third inning, J.J. had gone with Hotchner and Will to take a short walk with the kids, as they were getting bored in their seats. Rossi went off to flirt it up with the older woman who was running the concessions stand, and Emily and Garcia had gone off to the bathroom together.

Now it was just Melissa and Reid alone, and Reid didn’t like her company. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but also maybe he did- for his very stupid and very personal reason that she was actively dating his crush. But besides that reason, she seemed off, and on a team of behavioral analysts, he couldn’t be the only one who noticed.

There was something wrong with her, but Spencer couldn’t place his finger on what. That was, until, she sat down next to him on the bleachers. “So,” she started casually, “what’re you reading up there?” “Pride and Prejudice.. have you read it?” Spencer replied, doing his best to make polite conversation.

Melissa shook her head, “No, way too long of a book for me.” Spencer just nodded, an “Ah” sound escaping his lips before their conversation entirely diminished as they sat in silence, watching the CIA’s team line up for batting.

Derek was on second base, and while he waited for the CIA team to finish lining up, he turned to the only two people still on the bleachers and waved. Melissa waved in response excitedly, “Go Derek!” She shouted for good measure, Reid on the other hand just gave a small wave to him.

Their personalities were very different, Spencer gathered.

“Derek helped you with a bookshelf the other week, right?” Melissa asked after silence had settled over them, and Reid had almost returned to his brain book. Her question stopped him from reading, though.

Spencer nodded, “Uh, yeah. He helped fix my bookshelf, the boards were all wobbly and books couldn’t stay on.” Melissa hummed in response for a moment, before looking back out to the field. Derek was now busy talking to a teammate, a guy Spencer recognized from the terrorist division.

“Look, Spencer,” Melissa finally spoke again, letting out a sigh before she continued on; “We both know Derek is an attractive man, a great man. But he’s my man. I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides- believe me, I want to think that you two are just the best of friends and that’s it. But I don’t believe it, not for a second, especially not after hearing how he talks about you, and finally meeting you.”

Spencer stayed quiet, not looking at Melissa, instead opting to stare at his hands, that were now firmly clasped together as he took in what she was saying. “We are just friends, though..” Spencer finally spoke up in a weak defense for himself. Melissa just chuckled, their pleasant conversation had somehow turned to her speaking to him in a sickly sweet malicious tone.

“I don’t think you are. I think there’s something more, and I don’t want things to go any further- with either of you.”

Spencer stayed quiet again, seriously considering exiting the bleachers and getting a cab (as the team had carpooled over to this event together.) and just leaving, going back to his apartment and faking the stomach flu for a day and a half. It seemed so appealing to just disappear right now.

Melissa continued on after she realized Spencer wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, Spencer. You seem very kind, and smart. You told me earlier you don’t know everything, but you know a lot,”

Spencer nodded, that was true, he had said that, she kept going; “I hope you now know where your place is. Away from Derek. And I hope you know you aren’t alone with me talking to you, I would be telling Penelope Garcia the same exact thing, except she has a boyfriend, Kevin. Derek told me. So you’re the only single one who poses a problem. I hope we can be friends- but you need to back up.”

And that was all, she got up and moved away, and just in time as Emily and Garcia made their reappearance from the bathroom and onto the bleachers.

Spencer stayed frozen, however. Not really sure what he could say or do. All he knew now is that he had a very good reason to dislike Melissa. And he did, as much as he hated to admit it. He disliked Melissa, he wanted her gone. He didn’t want her and Derek together.

He was now only more sure that he would treat Derek better, he wouldn’t go around threatening his friends- he couldn’t even imagine that as something he would ever want to do.

Spencer stayed, shrunken on the bleachers as he watched the team play, staying quiet and reserved while Melissa and the rest of the team cheered.

Spencer just hoped Derek figured out that Melissa wasn’t good for him sooner than later, or else he’d never get out of the relationship scratch-free.

~

��Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn out jeans. I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughin’ on the park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’. And you got a smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better than that. Hey, whatcha doing with a girl like that?”

~

Since Spencer’s unfortunate encounter with Melissa, he had done his best to steer clear of Derek. Only being with him when necessary (and they were only really together for work, though for the few latest times that Derek’s invited him out to get food or see a movie, Spencer’s declined).

Derek had subtly caught notice, wondering why Reid had been declining his invitations. At first he thought it was because Reid was busy, he was somehow also getting a bachelors degree in philosophy at the moment, it made since if he had limited free time.

But then he did more thinking, and even if reid was busy- he always made time for Derek. Morgan knew that for a fact, because every time he needed help (work related or not) Spencer was there, and ready to assist. Even if Reid was studying, the kid read so fast he only needed to read something once to remember everything. So it didn’t make sense. Not at all. Spencer was avoiding him.

So why? Derek now had to get alone with Reid, he needed to see what this was about.

~

And Derek got his chance, after solving a case in the sleepy city within Maine, called Rangeley. The teams plane was having a malfunction issue with a part of the engine, so they were stuck there for an extra day. Unfortunate for everyone else, but a blessing in disguise for Derek. It was the perfect time for the team to hang together, maybe get some meals or see a movie. But Derek set up a plan.

~

Morgan knocked on Spencer’s door the morning they had nothing to do, with his plan already getting set in motion. This was step one, of many.

Reid responded in his own special fashion, opening the door a crack to look out at Derek and into the hall, his hair looked messy, he was still slightly bleary eyed- and he was still in his pajamas and mismatched socks. He had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Derek asked, he didn’t want to start this morning off on Reid being rudely awoken. Reid nodded as he opened the door more, stepping forward the slightest bit. “Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s going on?” Reid was already aware of the plane situation, the whole team had been told last night, which forced Derek into making this last minute plan.

“Nothing- the team doesn’t have anything to do. Wanna go get breakfast?” Derek asked, trying to phrase his words and himself casually. He didn’t want Reid to get suspicious and back out. He just wanted answers from his best friend, that’s all.

Spencer rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before responding. “Okay, yeah. Let me go get changed.”

~

They arrived at an Ihop. It wasn’t anything special, but it was the nearest breakfast place to the hotel, so it worked for them. They were greeted by a hostess who showed them to a booth.

Spencer didn’t know why he agreed this this, he shouldn’t have. But in his half-awake and still somehow sleep deprived mind, breakfast seemed like a good idea. A great idea, in fact. But he now was anxious again. He didn’t want to deal with Melissa, call him scared, nonconfrontational, weak- whatever. He just didn’t want to have to deal with her. He enjoyed hanging out with Derek, but he knew if he did then it would be inevitable that he would end up facing her wrath again.

Almost immediately after the hostess showed them to their booth, their waiter appeared to take their orders. “Goodmorning, what can I get started for you two?” The older gentleman, whose name tag simply read “John” asked them.

“Just some coffee, please.” Derek ordered for the both of them. He knew what Spencer would want to order, and he also knew how bad Spencer was at conversing with people he wasn’t familiar enough with. John just nodded, saying a quick; “Comin’ right up!” Before walking off to leave them alone.

“Is the rest of the team coming?” Spencer asked as he stifled a yawn with his hand. Derek shook his head, “No, they all wanted to sleep in. Lucky I dragged you out of bed, though.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. Spencer just smiled sheepishly for a moment before looking back down at the table.

They stayed quiet, which wasn’t unusual for the two, especially considering they were both still tired. But Derek didn’t want there to be silence, he wanted to talk about what was going on. “Reid-“ he started, but before he could continue his sentence, John was standing by the table with a pot of coffee. Derek and Spencer both wordlessly pushed their mugs over towards John, watching him fill them up with coffee in silence.

John finished pouring and stepped back, “I’ll give you folks some more time before ordering.” Derek just nodded at him, “That would be great, thank you.” And with that, their waiter was gone.

Reid was now focused on his mug of coffee, grabbing some sugar packets from the container on the table and ripping one open after another, before finally pouring it into his coffee. “How many sugars you plan on putting in there?” “Two.” “You’re already ripping open a third packet, Reid.”

“Oh.” Was all he said in response, Derek sighed, Spencer wasn’t acting right; he hadn’t for a while but this morning was peak Reid-being-weird, so Derek needed to take a stronger approach; “Reid. What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said all too quickly to be believable. Derek rolled his eyes, watching the tired genius grab a spoon and stir his coffee with an intensity he never normally used. “That doesn’t work on me, man. We’re all profilers. I know when something’s up.” Spencer stayed quiet, still stirring his coffee with the spoon.

Reid didn’t want to be in this situation. He knew he should’ve hidden himself better, said and acted in different ways. Derek knew something was up, and Spencer couldn’t hide it forever. Especially not from him. He hated lying to Morgan.

“So..” Spencer spoke quietly, “What do you think is up?” Derek rolled his eyes at Spencer again, “Don’t talk to me like an unsub trying to stall. Somethings wrong. Did I do something- was it something I did or said?” Spencer put his spoon down as he watched Derek.

“I gotta be honest, Reid. I don’t know what’s going on here. We used to hangout so much, and suddenly you’re giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was because of your studies- but you’ve done written whole thesesis while we’ve hungout. So it’s not you being busy with school. You make time. Why isn’t there any time now?” Derek kept going, voice raising in intensity as he got to the end.

Spencer wanted to say something, he wanted to say something so bad. But he didn’t know what. So instead he took a sip of his not-sweet-enough coffee. Derek watched him as he did so, intensity not wavering.

Spencer put the mug back down onto the table before he finally found his words, “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.” “So what is it?” Morgan asked him almost instantly. Spencer sighed, he didn’t want to say it was Melissa. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to make Derek feel bad, he thought Derek was happy with her. He didn’t want to ruin that, even if Melissa was terrible. Derek was seemingly glad, and Spencer didn’t want him changing from positive to anything else (except somehow maybe more positive.)

“It’s nothing.” “It’s definitely not nothing, Reid. Please tell me.” Derek pried more. He couldn’t let this go. Spencer sighed, a weak sign of defeat. “Okay- but. I’m sorry. This involves Melissa.” He admitted, looking up to see Derek had a confused expression on his face. “What about her?” “When we went to the baseball game a few weeks ago and met her. She was really pleasant at first, but as soon as we were alone on the bleachers together she told me that I needed to stop being so close with you. And it really freaked me out, she saw me as a threat.”

Derek leaned back in the booth bench, unsure of what to do. “What did she say?” Derek finally asked after a moment, deciding he wanted to know what Melissa said to Spencer in full to make him act like this. Spencer didn’t deserve to be treated this way, he just didn’t. “I’m not going to-“ Spencer started, Derek just cut him off, “Yes you will. I know you remember what she said. So tell me. Please.”

Spencer fidgeted with the handle of the mug, “Okay, okay.. she said that you were her man and then she said, ‘I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides’...” Spencer spoke once more after that, before he could forget, “She also, um.. she said she would tell Garcia the same thing, except she didn’t because she knew she was with kevin.”

Derek stayed quiet, looking at Spencer before looking back down at his mug of coffee. Spencer stayed quiet, he didn’t know what he could say or do right now to make this better.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer finally decided to speak after it had been silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t want to tell you because you-“

Derek held his hand up as a simple gesture, indicating Spencer should be quiet. Spencer hushed up quickly, watching Morgan, who was sitting silently still, staring down with an intensity that could burn stronger than the sun. He stood up after a moment, pulling out his wallet and putting two twenty dollar bills down on the table, in front of Spencer. “For the coffee. Get some breakfast, too. I need to go.” “Derek, I-“ Spencer started, standing up, he wasn’t gonna leave Derek alone, especially to process this large amount of information. but he had started walking away, back turned to reid- leaving him alone at the booth. He wasn’t going to come back, and as much as Spencer wanted to follow him and never leave his side- he could tell he should leave him alone, at least for now.

~

After that whole experience, Spencer didn’t stay to get breakfast. He finished his coffee, paid, and left quickly. Deciding Derek needed space, and he wasn’t sure what else he could do, so he tucked tail back to the hotel. He lied to himself, saying maybe he could nap or watch T.V and ignore his imploding thoughts.

He couldn’t ignore his imploding thoughts, if that wasn’t painstakingly obvious. Spencer’s mind reeled from every aspect of their breakfast, to how he was curt and almost rude to Derek- he now wished he hadn’t been, but how else could he have acted? He didn’t know. He hated how things had went. He should’ve lied and told Derek he didn’t have the time for breakfast.

So, when Spencer finally got the hotel, he sat and thought and waited, waited for any sounds outside of his hotel door. Derek’s room was directly across the hall from his. So he waited for the sounds of the door opening, the beeping of the keycard, the sound of footsteps that were muffled by the soft carpet. Anything that would show Derek was back, back close to him, close enough to him for a conversation again. Because he knew that they needed to talk.

~

Spencer was counting. One hour and eighteen minutes passed before he heard any sounds of life that would match what he was waiting for. Namely, he heard the footsteps approach by his door, and then the beep of the keycard. And finally, the door opening and shutting quickly. Derek was there, he was back, Spencer got off his perch on the bed in record speed, exiting out to the hall and crossing quickly.

He was about to knock on the door, hand raised in the air, before he slowed himself down. Was this too much? What if Morgan didn’t want to talk to right now? What if Derek thought he was lying and was mad? Oh god, that terrified Spencer. He hoped Derek knew he wasn’t lying, he could run any behavior test he wanted to, but he wouldn’t lie to Derek. Not now, not ever.

Spencer still had his hand raised in the air, standing directly in front of the door. If Derek thought he was lying, he would prove he wasn’t. Nothing mattered right now, Spencer decided as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Spencer heard movement from inside the room, before Derek opened the door. He looked stressed, the lines in his face were hard set, this was how he looked when he dealt with an unsub. This isn’t how he should be looking on a day off. Derek said nothing as he looked at Spencer, “Can we talk?” Spencer asked him after it was clear Derek wasn’t going to start talking.

Derek nodded. Wordlessly opening the door more, and stepping back to allow Reid inside. He stepped in, Derek’s room was a mirror copy of Spencer’s, simple and small. He had his duffel sat on the floor by the small twin bed provided by the hotel.

Reid stood in the room, Derek moved past him to sit down on the edge of the bed as Spencer messed with some loose thread on his jacket, “I, um... I got your change..” Spencer started, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the wad of cash and coins. He wasn’t sure what to say now that he was inside Derek’s room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare. Derek wasn’t acting like himself, so he didn’t know what would work.

Spencer went to hand it back to him, “Reid, no.” Derek started, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks, holding the money in silence.

“You didn’t come here for that.” Derek motioned to the money with his hand. “No. I didn’t.” Spencer mumbled awkwardly, shoving it back into his jacket pocket, the coins clinking together all too loudly for his liking.

“I’m sorry.” Derek sighed after a moment, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. It’s just- I couldn’t believe what you were saying.” Spencer nodded, he wanted to say so much to Derek. He wanted to say, “I swear on my mother I am not lying”, he wanted to say “I’m sorry, I should have stayed quiet” he wanted to say “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you walk away, I don’t want to lose you”. But Spencer couldn’t talk, he wasn’t sure what would come out if he spoke.

“I, uh, I called Melissa.” Derek told him, “After I left. I called her, I asked her if she said that to you, and she said she didn’t say it like that,” He took a breath before continuing on, “I asked her what she meant, because she wasn’t denying what she said. She just was saying the wording was off.”

Spencer found his small, awkward voice, deciding to look down at the floor instead of Derek. He was scared of what he would see. “What did she say the wording was?” He asked Derek, “She said she was harsher than that, told you to back off. Then she tried to explain herself, as if any of what she did was acceptable and could be fine under the disguise of caring for your significant other.”

“Reid, look at me. Please.” Derek sighed, not continuing whatever else he was going to say. Spencer finally looked up to meet his eyes. Derek just looked tired, leaning awkwardly on the couch, as he kept his gaze on Spencer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Spencer apologized, he had no clue if he needed to. But it felt like what he had to do.

“No, don’t.” Derek shook his head, as if to knock the apology out of his brain. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you. The red flags were there, Reid. And there were so many. I was just ignoring them.”

Spencer stayed quiet, watching Derek as he admitted this out loud; “I just- I wanted to make it work. But the fact she said that to you, and was gonna tell garcia, I just-“ Derek shook his head again, a mixture of defeat and anger simultaneously now instead of a signal for reid to stop.

“It upset me. I couldn’t believe it. So I called her and that happened and... and...” Derek trailed off, sighing simply as if that was the end of the sentence.

“...You broke up?” Spencer asked carefully, not wanting to misjudge. Derek nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. He was stressed. Spencer could tell.

“We did. It’s for the best. I can’t be dating someone who is like that. Especially not to you, or Garcia. That’s the biggest deal breaker out there.” Derek spoke, he was still serious but he was also sort of joking in a way to help calm the atmosphere down.

Spencer didn’t respond right away, instead moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from Morgan to give him plenty space. Derek didn’t like that, pulling on Spencer’s hand and motioning him to sit directly by his side.

Spencer complied, but cursed his face for causing a blush to form. This wasn’t the time to savor the feeling of Derek’s strong grip on his hand. It wasn’t.

Spencer was now sat down next to Derek, he wasn’t sure what else to say, so he stayed quiet. But he knew he didn’t want to leave Derek’s side now. He needed to be here. It couldn’t be easy for Derek.

“I’m sorry I left you at the restaurant.” Derek spoke after a while of them sitting side by side. “It’s okay,” Spencer told him, Derek gave him a sideways glance that proved he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“I didn’t end up having breakfast, though. I was worried.” Spencer admitted. Derek let out a low chuckle, and god, Spencer loved that sound. When was the last time he heard it? It used to be as common as hearing traffic in downtown Quantico, but as of lately; he hadn’t heard it often. Spencer knew in the back of his head, it was probably Melissa. Small things had changed with Derek during their time of dating.

First, it was calling Spencer “pretty boy”, and Garcia “baby girl”. Derek stopped saying it, and as much as garcia was worried about him, Derek had assured her he was okay. (Spencer didn’t mind the nickname stopping, as he finally didn’t have to come up with an excuse every time he blushed in front of the team when Derek would call him that.)

But then, Derek showed up to work looking tired, and sure- the job took long hours and restless nights and way too many coffee breaks. But he looked like he was losing that energy in his eyes. The excitement that made him join the team. He had told Spencer it was originally he missed Melissa. But now, Spencer was second guessing that.

Things had slowly changed with Derek, so small that Spencer didn’t even notice fully. But if you looked at all the reasons why he changed, it could be tied back to Melissa.

Good riddance. Spencer thought to himself. In ordinary situations, he would hate to think that, but today he didn’t; as he heard Derek’s soft, low chuckle. He didn’t want to ever stop see Derek being himself. He wouldn’t stop him from anything, he knew he wouldn’t. All he would want to do is care about him, kiss him, fall asleep in his arms, have a nice dinner with him- things a real boyfriend would do.

He would let Derek be himself, he wouldn’t stop him from working, he wouldn’t want to fight, he wouldn’t want to play games, and god knows he wouldn’t stop Derek and Garcia flirting. That’s what kept them happy, together, and secure.

“I’m sorry you guys broke up, but if it’s any consolation. You belong with someone better.” Spencer admitted, not adding on the last part he always wanted to say. If he could say it, lord knows he would. But he couldn’t tell Derek they belonged together. He sounded insane.

Derek softy bumped shoulders with him in an act of thanks, “Thank you. Now c’mon, let’s go get you some real breakfast, pretty boy.” He said as he stood up, the blush immediately rushed back into Spencer’s face. God, that name would be the death of him. He was seriously going to die like this.

“You still got my change? ‘Cause you’re paying.” Derek joked with him as he turned to pull on his coat, “It’s your money, why don’t I give it back to you?” Spencer asked him, the conversation now changing to a much lighter tone. Derek shrugged, “You paying a cashier will help your people skills. Now c’mon, I saw a good restaurant with outdoor seating that’s by a garden. You can give me plant facts while we eat.”

~

“...Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry. And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me...”

~

Derek’s growing love for Spencer Reid was so slow he didn’t realize it until it was bursting out of his chest. It wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t, at least not to Derek. But suddenly it was everything Spencer did, it had his attention and captivated his thoughts. If Spencer was rambling about something, Derek would listen. Even if he didn’t care, even if he was tired, or hungry, or even mad.

To put it simply, it was every single thing that Spencer had ever done for him, suddenly making Derek feel something. It was every little funny thing Spencer did, it was every factoid he spat out to the team at the round table, it was how he was there for everyone in less than a second if needed, it was how Spencer complained about modern television, it was how Spencer grumbled in his sleep when they had to wake him up to get off the team’s jet after a long case. It was everything.

Every one of those instances just made something inside Derek squirm. Before, when Derek was dating Melissa- he was able to hold that feeling at bay. But it had now been months since his and Melissa’s breakup, and he had nothing to stop his mind from thinking about Reid, so the feelings and thoughts about the genius only grew stronger.

He thought about him nonstop. About how Reid was precious, amazing, handsome, smart, and god- he was borderline perfect. And what had originally started as a small inkling feeling inside of him was growing, growing into something almost unmanageable. It took everything in Derek not to just lean over and grab the genius’ hand as he was waving it around when speaking about something he was passionate about, and holding it tightly.

It was getting worse, day by day it was hell at work. But it was the best suffering in the world. Seeing Spencer sat at his desk, deep in thought as he typed reports out, along with emailing scientists and doctors on the side. God, Reid was an absolute genius. Morgan wasn’t sure if he could easily get over that fact anymore as he used to. Now Spencer’s smarts had more meaning, and he wasn’t sure why.

Spencer’s smarts always mattered, and definitely came in handy for the team, saving their asses more than once. But now, his IQ level was something Derek caught himself almost worrying about.

Spencer wouldn’t ever say it, but what if he thought Derek was stupid? The brawn to his brain. Nothing more than a dude to tackle the bad guys and handcuff them down. What if Spencer thought he wasn’t a good person, a good friend?

Now, along with the growing admiration, he also had growing fear. Derek was now going back and forth between doubting himself and wanting nothing more than pulling Spencer into a janitors closet and kissing him until they needed air.

Yeah, Derek was screwed. Work was painful. But he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to, he kept going along, because every day he saw Reid that feeling inside him only grew, and he didn’t have the willpower to stop it, and even if he did- he probably couldn’t. This was the strongest he had ever felt in a long time. It would take an army to stop how he felt (and even then, he might still beat the army).

~

The night it all went down wasn’t what derek intended it to be, he was pretty much planning on hiding his crush on reid to the grave, not admitting it to anyone ever about how he felt. Because as Derek saw it, Spencer was too smart for him. Definitely out of his league.

Because in Morgan’s mind, how dumb could he be? He had been slowly falling in love with his best friend, all while not even realizing it- and dating someone who was absolutely horrid during that entire process. It was enough to make him smack his head against his wall.

~

Derek was working late the night it happened, going over this same dilemma in his head as he finished up the last of his reports to turn over to Hotch.

Nothing was happening in the bullpen, and for the first time in forever, Spencer had left before the work day ended. He had been complaining of a stomachache, and Rossi had smartly deduced he was sick, and even though Reid didn’t want to leave- the team all but kicked him out the door, telling him he wasn’t any good working when feeling like vomiting.

Derek had missed him since he left, he felt stupid admitting that, but it was the plain and simple truth. His days were just better with Reid, and there was no other explanation than that. As stupid as it was, Derek had come to agree with that fact a while ago, and now it was just normal, him missing Reid. But thankfully Reid didn’t leave often enough for it to be bad.

That being said, Derek still worried. Deciding to call Reid, it was only 7 p.m., after all. Surely Reid was still awake.

His cell phone ringed as Derek held it up to his ear, twirling his pen absentmindedly between his index and pointer finger as he waited for Spencer to answer.

And he did, he sounded groggy, but he answered; “Hello?” “Hey, Reid.” Derek spoke, a small stupid smile creeping its way into his face. “How are you feeling?” He asked, he heard Spencer shuffling on the other end of the line, then the faucet running.

“I’m okay... just really dizzy now, so I got myself some water.” “Did you eat enough today?” Derek asked him, changing tones from a concerned friend to something more.

“Yes, I did. You don’t need to worry about my eating.” Reid said simply, he wasn’t the type of guy who liked being watched over. Derek understood why, but this was still necessary.

“Reid, c’mon now. When was the last time you ate?”

“11:23 a.m., Garcia gave me a muffin.” Spencer admitted after a beat of silence, “Reid, you’ve been not eating for almost eight hours- no wonder you felt so sick, man!” Derek said into the phone as he stood up, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders, deciding to leave now. The reports were almost done, anyway.

“Well, I’m not hungry so it’s fine..” Reid argued weakly in response, “Oh no, no. Don’t even, Spencer. I’m getting you food and taking it to your place. Now go lay down and take some tylenol, drink that water you got.”

Spencer huffed weakly, but made no move to argue or protest Morgan inviting himself over. “Fine. Please get me chicken noodle soup.”

~

As agreed, Derek got Spencer some chicken noodle soup from a great nearby deli Spencer had told him about a while ago. Derek was proud of himself for this choice in food, even if Spencer had requested soup, he hadn’t requested where. And Derek felt smart for remembering one of Spencer’s favorite places.

Derek arrived to Spencer’s apartment, the door was left unlocked so he came in, carrying the container of soup in both of his hands, so he pushed the front door shut gently with his foot.

“Hey, Reid. I’m here,” he called out into the apartment, as he made his way to the bedroom, finding a sleeping Spencer on the bed, covered in a few miscellaneous blankets to keep him warm.

Derek sat the container of soup onto the nearby bedside table, next to spencer’s near empty water glass, before looking down at reid.

Spencer was perfect, regardless if he was awake or asleep. But asleep he was so peaceful, so calm. Derek could so easily keep Spencer safe from everything in his sleep, hold him in his arms and help ground him. He knew Spencer got nightmares, everyone on the team did. But he knew if he was there, he could help, he could make it better.

Spencer was breathing softly, his face looked slightly flushed, and his hair was all over the place, some strands had fallen onto his face directly, which Derek gently pushed out of the way to get a better look at Spencer.

“Mmm..” Spencer mumbled in his sleep, a response to Derek touching him, Derek took a sharp breath in. God, he wanted to just tell Spencer right now he felt, he so badly did. And Spencer was asleep, what was stopping him? He could say it and Spencer wouldn’t remember. Because unlike conscious Spencer, unconscious Spencer didn’t remember things.

So before his brain could catch up to his body, he did. “I love you.” He told Spencer softly, it was barely above a whisper. It was so quiet he was sure Spencer didn’t hear it at all, but it was just Derek’s unfortunate luck that Spencer started to stir.

“Hm?” He asked, sitting up slowly, Derek pulled his hand away from where he had tucked the strand of hair away.

“I said, I brought you soup.” Derek lied easily, hoping that “I love you” and “I brought you soup” were interchangeable sounding sentences. Spencer just nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes slowly as he turned to look at the container on his bedside table

He didn’t suspect anything, Derek let a breath of relief out internally as Spencer reached for the container. “It didn’t come with a spoon, so I’ll go get you one.” Derek told him, getting up to go back into Spencer’s kitchen and grab a spoon from the silverware drawer.

When Derek came back, Spencer was more awake, holding the container of soup in his hands expectantly as he waited. Derek handed him the spoon wordlessly, before sitting down on the bed next to Spencer. “How are you feeling?” Derek asked him, as Spencer hadn’t tried out the soup yet (he was waiting for it to cool a bit more.) “Tired- sorry I left, by the way.” Reid responded slowly, he still felt the tiniest bit groggy.

Derek shook his head, “No Reid, don’t apologize. Are you feeling any better?” Spencer nodded slowly in response, starting to stir the soup to help it cool down. Derek watched him, the soft light from the only lamp on in the room casted off shadows throughout the walls and onto Spencer. He looked beautiful, even if he was wearing pajamas and his hair was messy and he was stirring his soup while half awake.

To Derek, he looked perfect. And once again, Derek’s body moved too fast for his brain to catch up with. He was suddenly talking; “Reid, can I tell you something?” He asked the tired genius, who just nodded and gave an “Mhm” sound in return as he continued to stir his soup.

Derek breathed in, he couldn’t go back. It was now or never. He turned to face Spencer, and if he hated him after this, so be it.

“I was an idiot, Spencer. When I was with Melissa, searching for a good moment to stay happy about was rare. But the entire time I’ve known you, everything’s been a good moment. Every opportunity I’ve had with you has let me grow and become smarter, and a better person..” he took a second to look back at Spencer, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“But I’ve still been stupid. Because the entire time I was with her, I only looked forward to being with you. I missed the best thing right in front of me, and I hope you know that I am not normally this dense... but..” this was the hardest part of his whole speech, how the fuck was he supposed to admit something like this?

“But,” he started again, “I like you, Reid. I really like you. This entire time I was chasing the wrong person and following dead leads, like a rookie on a new case. But I realize the only person that makes me feel anything is you- and... I think, I- no. I am. I am falling for you. And I don’t even know if you like guys but-“ It was by this point Spencer put his soup down back on his bedside table, the soft sound shut Derek up easily.

“You’re falling for me?” Spencer asked, just simply clarifying what he had said. Morgan nodded, standing by it. “Yes. I am.”

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief, something Derek hadn’t expected him to do. “You aren’t stupid... I- um. I’ve been falling for you too.”

That made Derek light up instantly, “You have?” Spencer nodded sheepishly, staring down at his fingernails instead of Derek. “I wasn’t expecting you to...” Spencer mumbled, as if that was a sufficient enough explanation on his part on why he was relieved and surprised.

“It just snuck up on me. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re all I want.” Derek admitted, more brashly than he would’ve liked to phrased things. But that didn’t seem to bother Spencer at all, as he started to lean forward slowly, Derek leaned forward too, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Spencer’s face to help him stay steady. Their lips were inches apart, but Spencer spoke. “Derek, I want to kiss you so bad. But if I’m sick I don’t want to risk infecting you-“

“Pretty boy, I’m breathing your air already. And I don’t think you have the flu, just low blood sugar.” Derek told him, which quickly shushed Reid up. They leaned forward more, and all the feelings of angst and dread that had built up between the two disintegrated as their lips touched slowly.

It was a soft kiss, a chaste one. But there definitely was passion behind it. Morgan stayed close to Spencer, resting his forehead against his.

“I belong with you...” Derek mumbled, he didn’t care if Spencer heard it anymore. He should hear it, he deserved to hear it. He deserved to know he was the only one Derek wanted.

Spencer pulled back, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. “I can’t believe it...” he mumbled to Derek after a moment. “You should. You said it yourself, I belong with someone better. And it’s you. I just hope you agree.” Derek told him honestly, not leaving anything he said to chance. Spencer nodded, “Yes- you belong with me. Absolutely, yes. I agree.”

Derek smiled, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind spencer’s ear, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. “You eat that soup, I’ll go get you some more water.”

———————————————————————

#criminal minds #cm #BAU #bau #FBI #fbi #dr Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid #Reid #Derek Morgan #moreid #gay #Penelope garcia #jennifer jj jareau #jennifer jareau #Aaron Hotchner #Hotch #Hotchner #Dave rossi #David rossi #emily Prentiss #Tara Lewis #luke alvez #fic #angsty #but cute #og shit #Spencer Specific Fics #fanfic #oneshot

[ahsbitch]

A Walk In The Woods

Word Count: 5762

Summary: You find a wild Michael Langdon in the woods, and after deciding that he definitely needs some help, you invite him back home with you. 

Warnings:  Smut, 69ing, so obviously oral happens, Male and Female Receiving, A Bit Of Praise Kink, unprotected sex, Vaginal Intercourse, Sad Boi Michael, some cockwarming at the end (obviously I’m v into cockwarming, don’t @ me) Shitty Writing, lots of cursing, that’s all I can think of

A/N: I’m sure this is awful but idk I put effort into it so I’m posting it. Also I should totally wait to post til tomorrow bc it’s like midnight but?? I really wanted to post it today so I’m just going for it. Hope y’all enjoy, comments are Always appreciated, much love! ♥️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking barefoot in the woods was probably your most ridiculous hobby, but it was probably your favorite as well. 

There was always something to discover in the woods.

You tried to take a forest walk at least once a week, on Sundays. You would be gone for hours, wandering, feeling the ups and downs of the universe all around you.

There was always something to discover in the woods, and it was always something different.

Often you would stop in sunny patches and meditated. Sometimes you could feel the musings of something greater than you, running through you. 

Occasionally, you would find a wounded animal, typically just small things like squirrels or sparrows, although sometimes bigger creatures, a deer, an owl, a fox, things along those lines. You felt a responsibility to them, to help them, to clean them up and help them heal and get them better enough to go off on their journeys in life. 

On this particular walk, you found a type of wounded animal you’d never dealt with before. 

Michael Langdon. 

You found him wandering the woods, bleary eyed, coated in scratches and sunburns. 

“Are you alright, sir?” You moved slowly closer to him, not worried for yourself but afraid to startle him. 

The man was beautiful, you could tell he was beneath the dirt that covered him. 

You had startled him, it seemed, as he looked up at you with wild, piercing eyes, raising a hand and sending you flying back against a tree, pinning you there by the throat. 

Well, fuck. 

Your hands clawed at your neck in spite of yourself, trying to pull at something that wasn’t there. You wouldn’t have tried at all, if you were capable of rational thought, would have let it happen as you had great faith that the mystery man was going to let you go, but of course when one loses the ability to breathe, one’s body tends to panic in spite of what the mind may wish for. 

After a few seconds, you dropped to the ground, gasping for air.

Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out...Breath in..

“I’m sorry,” You stood up, keeping your gaze on the ground but taking a step towards him.

Although you still didn’t look him in the face, you could tell just from his voice that the man was confused, wandering closer to you, “Why are you sorry?”

Shrugging, you lifted your head from the ground, although you still kept it below eye level, “I frightened you. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“I,” He frowned, and you focused your eyes on his mouth, “I attacked you.”

“Because I frightened you. I was trying not to, but I did, and I’m very sorry for it.”

“Is that why you won’t look me in the eye?” He sounded curious, and his mouth curved into a funny little smile, “Because you’re sorry?” 

“Because direct eye contact can be intimidating,” You explained, “I don’t want to upset you again.” 

Biting his lower lip, the man extended his hand, “It’s okay. I’m... my name is Michael. I’m sorry for...what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You took his hand, feeling a zip of electricity shoot through you, and finally looked into his eyes, “It’s okay. I’ve been hurt worse. Wasn’t a big deal. I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Michael.”

Brows scrunched together over his crystalline blue eyes, Michael cleared his throat, “It’s nice to meet you too, Y/N. I’m sorry for bothering you, I- I should let you go.”

You weren’t quite sure whether he meant that literally or figuratively, as he was still clutching at your hand like a lifeline. 

“Hang on,” Drawing him closer, you reached a careful hand up to his face, hesitating at the way he flinched, then stilled, his eyes flickering to the side anxiously, but allowing you to cup his cheek and examine him, “How long have you been out here?” 

Michael looked unsure of himself, leaning into your hand ever so slightly and seemingly not even conscious of it, “A few days, I think. I was doing a, well, I was doing something, but it didn’t work, and then I tried to make my way back to the city, but I kinda got lost.” 

“You must be starving,” You pulled away from him, straightening up, “I can take you back to the city, and you can come to my place for a little bit.”

You were already walking, and after a moment you heard Michael hurry to follow you, “What do you mean?”

“You said you were lost. I don’t think you just mean physically. Besides, you must be hungry, and no offense, but you’re kind of a mess right now,” You glanced back at him, giving a small smile when you saw his shocked expression, “You need help. I’m happy to give it.” 

“Why?” Michael moved to your side, walking in step with you, “Why would you help me? What if I’m a murderer?” 

“Even if you are, I don’t think you’ll murder me. If you do, I’d ask that you do it quickly, that’s just a little personal preference of mine, although of course if you’re some truly evil serial killer then I doubt you’d care much about my preferences,” Shrugging, you grasped his hand in yours and pulled him behind you, feeling another volt of electricity crackle through your veins as you led him back to the city. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have a nice place,” Michael told you hesitantly as you made your way up the front steps of your apartment building. 

You almost laughed at that, but when you glanced back at him he looked so genuine in the compliment that you paused, pulling him inside, “You... you know this whole place isn’t mine, right? It’s an apartment building. My place is pretty not nice, actually. I mean, I like it, but it’s small and not very fancy, y’know?”

“Oh,” He looked a little embarrassed, and you could tell that he had thought the whole building belonged to you. He looked like someone who was used to money and big houses, or at least he looked like he would look like that if he didn’t currently look like he’d been attacked by some sort of weather monster and was now on the verge of passing out. 

“Sit,” You said simply, gesturing to the couch, and you hurried to get a glass of water, handing it to him, “Drink.” 

Bustling your way back to the kitchen, you looked back to see him staring at the cup, and you repeated, “Michael. Drink the water. Come on,” You turned to the plants on your windowsill, grabbing your kitchen shears, “Do you mind?”

“Do I mind drinking water?” Michael asked, confusion evident. 

“Not you,” You turned to him with a smile, nodding, “You don’t have a choice there. Drink the water. I was talking to Tennyson.”

“Who’s Tennyson?”

He had finished the cup of water, and you took it and refilled it before gesturing to the aloe vera plant that you had just trimmed a stalk off of, returning the cup to him, “The plant. The full name is Aloe, Lord Tennyson.”

“You name your plants?” Clearing his throat, Michael took a sip of the new cup of water, “You... talk to your plants?” 

Shrugging, you split the long leaf in half, scooping some of the gel inside onto your fingers, “Yes, and yes. Now this may hurt a bit, just a warning.”

You pressed against his forehead as gently as you could, where a large pinkish red sunburn rested, and Michael let out a hiss and suddenly you were flying across the room, hitting the wall. He didn’t hold you in place or choke you this time, at least, and in a moment he had leapt from the couch and hurried over to you, “I’m so sorry. It hurt and I wasn’t expecting it, I-”

“It’s okay,” You let Michael pull you to your feet, holding onto his hand ever more tightly as you looked at his ashen face and downtrodden expression, “I should’ve given you better warning. Listen, I’ll doctor you up later. Let’s get you in a bath, first, okay? You can bathe and I’ll make some food and then, after, we can take care of your sunburns and scrapes.”

“I keep hurting you,” Michael pulled his hand away, looking at it as though your touch had burned him, “And you keep being nice to me.” 

“If you were doing it on purpose, I’d be less nice. But you’re not, I can tell. Now, follow,” You led the way to your small bathroom, starting to fill the tub with water. 

Michael sat on the edge of the tub, watching you adjust the temperature and light the candles that lay at the corners and pour in some bubble bath. He stared as you moved, humming to yourself, and when you stood and started to step away, “I have some old clothes that I think will fit you. They’re not particularly fancy, like what you’re wearing now, but they’re clean. I’ll drop them off once I get some dinner started, okay?” 

Nodding, Michael began to undo the buttons of his shirt, and you hurried out of the room. 

He was still lost, even though he wasn’t in the woods anymore. And you were determined to help him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N?” Michael called, cracking the bathroom door open, “I’m dressed and everything.”

“Great! Hop up on the counter for me, okay? Just hang tight,” You grabbed the bowl of aloe gel that you had scraped from the plant and a box of band aids and hurried back to the bathroom.

He was perched next to your sink, and you tapped at his knees. Michael frowned but opened his legs so you could stand in between them, “Why am I on your counter, exactly?”

“Because it’s time for me to play doctor. I’m going to touch your face, okay?” You cupped his cheek in your hand and tugged him down, beginning to dab gel onto his sunburns and clean the long scratches that streaked across his features, “Are you comfortable? Do the sweatpants fit okay and everything?” 

“They’re fine,” Michael mumbled, flinching when you pressed a band aid to one of the deeper cuts on his forehead, his hand curling into a fist. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting his other hand rest gently on your shoulder, “I appreciate you letting me borrow them. And letting me use your bathtub, and well, and everything else.” 

You nodded, taking in a deep breath and finally moving your attention to notice that he was staring at you, smiling at him, “You used my shampoo.”

“Oh, yeah,” He turned pink, “Yeah, is that okay? It smelled like strawberries and it was right there so I just...”

“Of course! Not a problem at all. You smell nice,” You were looking straight at him now, and he continued to stare, and just when you’d tilted your head to the side, trying to discern what exactly Michael was thinking, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. 

The hand that had rested on your shoulder came up to stroke your face, and then as quickly as it had started, it was done, and he had pulled away from you, turning his head sheepishly to the side. 

Clearing your throat nervously, you stepped back, “Do you like tomato soup?” 

“Yes,” Michael hopped off the counter, following you to the kitchen, although he stayed about four steps behind you. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while, looking at each other over bowls of soup and large dinner rolls. 

Your lips still buzzed from the memory of him against you, but you tried to ignore that. Michael scarfed food down for a while, and you simply kept refilling his bowl until he finally started to slow down, and then you asked carefully, “So, Michael. What’s gotten you lost like this. Tell me where you came from. Tell me about your parents.”  

“There isn’t much to tell about them,” Michael turned red, and he steadfastly refused to make eye contact with you, “My father abandoned me, and my mother tried to kill me. There’s only one person who’s ever really cared, who hasn’t abandoned me, and she’s gone now.”

“I’m sorry,” You said earnestly, letting your hand reach out just far enough to brush against his, “Humanity is unkind, often especially so to those who need kindness the most.” 

Michael had a curious way of frowning, his confusion always quite evident. His eyes would widen and his brows would move, displaying everything he was feeling. It was cute, honestly. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” He said finally bluntly, having been staring at you in silence, “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re just...I mean... I was gonna try to just not mention it, but you’re so nice and I feel bad.”

“You should’ve asked first,” Drawing your hand away, you tried to make eye contact with him, but now he was avoiding your gaze, “For a lot of reasons. But I’m not mad at you.” 

“You’re not? I know I should’ve asked, I’m just... I’m not used to having to ask for things. I know that’s not a good excuse, but I don’t really know what to say. I’m just sorry,” Michael was frowning even deeper than before. 

Shrugging, you reached back across the table, this time allowing your fingers to stroke along his jaw, “The fact that you’re sorry is enough. Just... don’t go around kissing strangers with no warning, okay?”

“Okay,” He smiled, leaning into your hand, a strange rumbling noise emanating from deep in his chest, almost like a purr.

Suddenly, you felt a bolt of desire shoot through you, seemingly out of nowhere, and you shifted a little in your seat, “Are you done eating?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. Thank you for the food. I can find somewhere to go, I’m sure,” Pulling away from you, Michael started to stand, and you rushed to stand too.

“What do you mean? Why would you go anywhere?” You grabbed his arm, trying to hold him in place even as he brushed you away. 

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

A burden? 

“If you were going to be a burden, I wouldn’t have brought you here at all. Spend the night,” Squeezing at his wrist gently, you moved to stand in front of him.

Michael looked utterly taken aback by this, “Really? Are you sure?” 

You tugged him along behind you, to your bedroom, bringing him to sit on your bed and collapsing down next to him. 

“I’m sure,” Turning towards him, you tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear and leaned forward, looking deeply into his eyes, “You’re the opposite of a burden, and I can prove it.” 

Michael’s breathing hitched, and he moved closer to you, closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath, “I really wanna kiss you again.” 

“You can,” You said simply, wanting to kiss him very badly, but having decided that he needed to be the one to initiate it.

“But you said-”

“I said you should ask first,” You placed a hand on his cheek, feeling something crackling in the air, his skin soft against your own.

“Y/N,” Michael leaned into you, and another rumble rolled from his chest, “May I please kiss you?”

“You can do a lot more than that. I want to show you that you’re not a burden. You deserve to feel good,” And then his mouth was on yours, and something deeper than electricity was running through you. 

He kissed you like a teenager, not pulling you closer to him but pushing his upper body forward, and you let out a giggle in spite of yourself.

Pulling back suddenly, Michael frowned, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. Did I... did I do something wrong?”

“No, don’t be sorry!” You rolled your shoulders back, wishing that you two were still touching, a wave of regret hitting you when you saw the wounded look in his eyes, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, Michael, I just... I feel a lot of things right now, y’know? But they’re all good things! I’m just, well, shit, I’m rambling. I’m going to stop talking now and, uh, and take off my shirt. Take your shirt off? Please?” 

Michael’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak but closed it immediately when he saw you slip off your shirt, fumbling with the fabric of his own, letting out a shout as it got stuck over his head. 

“Fuck!” The fabric had bunched around his face, his voice slightly muffled, “Dammit, fucking, Y/N, help me!” 

Choking back a laugh, you climbed into his lap and assisted him in wrestling off the shirt, letting another giggle slip out at his look of relief once it was free, which instantly transformed into one of shock as he looked at you, and you could feel yourself starting to blush in spite of your best attempts not to, “Okay, you good?”

He let out a slow breath, eyes trained on securely on your breasts, covered in a lacy white bra, “I’m much more than good. I’m fantastic. Can I... I mean... can I kiss you again? Can I maybe touch you?” 

“I want you to feel good, Michael. Yes,” You gave him a quick kiss on the tip of the nose, smiling at the way he scrunched it up in response. 

Then Michael was kissing you again, and fuck it felt good, his skin ever so slightly prickling against you, and then he raised a tentative hand to your chest, swiping across your left nipple briefly. 

You let out a moan that you hadn’t expected, and he froze for a moment, beginning to slowly swirl his thumb around the covered bud. Suddenly his lips were gone from yours and wrapped around your right nipple, flicking his tongue against it experimentally, and he pulled back with a grin as you let out another breathy moan.

You sounded like a fucking porn star, what the fuck?

“Wow, you’re sensitive,” Michael teased, bringing his other hand up to replace his mouth, “Can I take your bra off?”

“I’ll get it. And I’m not this sensitive, not normally,” You panted, grinding down against him without thinking about it, reaching behind your back to unclasp, and letting out a high pitched whine when his hands were finally on your bare skin, “I mean, not like this. This is... this is you, I think.” 

You could already feel him hard underneath you, but at your words his erection became even more prominent, pressed firmly against your inner thigh.

The rumbling noise came from deep in Michael’s chest once again, and you decided that it was in fact a purr, or something damn close to one. He was beaming now, and there was something almost childlike about him when he looked so joyful, and there was an obvious note of pride in his voice, “Really? Me? Do you think I could make you cum doing this?” 

He pinched lightly and you gasped, head rolling back, “Probably, but not right now, okay? I wanna-fuck-I wanna-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, couldn’t think of what was supposed to come next, and carefully you gripped Michael’s wrists, pulling his hands away from you and sliding off of his lap. 

With a pout, Michael watched you move between his legs, an eyebrow raised, “Was it really that intense?” 

“It was,” You glanced up at him from where you now lay, pressing a soft kiss to his cock through his sweatpants, your mind still strangely fogged, “It was... weird. Good weird, but weird. Are you secretly magical or something?” 

He barked a short laugh just a little too quickly for it to sound natural, but you figured that was maybe because you were mouthing along the outline of his dick, his hips bucking up every so slightly, and he was perhaps a bit too distracted to act like your terrible joke was funny. 

Just as you were sliding the sweatpants down his hips, Michael threaded his hands in your hair, tugging gently so that you’d look up at him, a blissful smile on his face as he watched you, “You’re so pretty, do you know that? You’re beautiful.” 

His dick had sprung out of his pants then, bouncing up to his stomach, and you weren’t able to respond at first because fucking hell, it was the most perfect dick you’d ever seen. Thick, veiny, a nice shade of pink although the tip had turned an angry red, and fuck it was big, probably too big, but you weren’t planning to complain about that. Finally, you snapped yourself out of your daze, looking back up at him with a laugh, “You’re just saying that because I’m about to suck your cock.” 

“No!” Michael looked shocked by the very thought, his hips bucking again, ever so slightly, at the feeling of your breath on his skin, “No, I’m serious. You’re so gorgeous, I-fuck-” You licked a line up the length of his cock, and he grabbed desperately at your shoulders, making you pause, “Dammit, I really want you to sit on my face.” 

Your thighs clenched, and you looked up at him, shaking your head to clear your thoughts, “I, I mean, no. I told you, I want to make you feel good. Not-”

“But it will!” Michael tugged at you, bringing you up until he could press a fervent kiss to your lips, “I want to. So bad. Please, Y/N, please do it. Please let me. Please.” 

Fucking hell, was he trying to kill you? 

“But I... I wanted you to feel good. Don’t you want me to...” You trailed off, trying to think as Michael kissed your neck. 

“I do, believe, me, I really do, but I also want this.”

“I’ve never done that before,” You admitted, feeling your face get hot with embarrassment, “Honestly, I’m afraid I’d end up accidentally smothering whoever I was with.” 

“That wouldn’t happen,” Michael assured, kicking his sweatpants the rest of the way off, and you find yourself peeling your own leggings off even though you still weren’t sure of what you were doing, and he hooked his fingers into your panties, a smirk on his face, “And even if it did, I can guarantee you that there would be no better way to die.” 

“Okay,” You let out a deep breath, letting out a contented hiss as he brushed his long fingers over your clit, “But I still want to give you a blowjob, okay?” 

“You can. Just face that way,” Michael grinned, ripping your panties off with one sharp tug. 

You were about to scold him, but then his fingers were pressing into your folds, and you gave a quiet gasp, “Michael, fuck.”

He laid down, hands tapping away at his stomach as he waited for you. Hesitantly, you crawled up the bed, turning so that you could look down the length of his body, and knelt over his face. 

You bent down, lifting his cock up and running your fingers along the underside of it, kissing the tip, and you felt him let out a shaky breath beneath you. 

“Fucking hell, you taste amazing,” Michael whispered, wrapping his hands around your thighs and pulling you down against him completely. 

He made the purring noise once more, sucking fervently at your clit, and you let out a shriek at the feeling of it rumbling through you. Pulling your legs even further apart, he buried his tongue into your folds, and finally, you opened your mouth as wide as you could and sunk down over his cock until his tip brushed the back of your throat. 

When he moved back to your clit, giving it careful kitten licks, you buried your finger nails into his thighs. At this, he groaned, thrusting up into your mouth, and you gagged. 

This was... what? The third time today he’d accidentally choked you? You hadn’t been angry during any of the other times, but this was the time that probably bothered you the least. 

“Sorry, babe, I’m sorry,” He rasped, and although you could hardly hear him, between the feeling of his words vibrating against you and the intense presence of Michael Langdon that filled the air around you, you knew exactly what he was saying. 

Babe.

It was such a gentle word from him, the way it rolled off his tongue so naturally making butterflies start fluttering in your stomach. 

Well, that, and the fact that the feeling of Michael against you was extraordinary, and you were feeling the tight, delightful bubble that signaled your impending orgasm beginning to form. 

You sucked harder. 

It took only a few minutes of this, of you licking and sucking, running your teeth over the pulsing vein that streaked along the side, before you felt him flex his thigh muscles beneath your hands, his salty cum splashing into your mouth. 

It was sweet alongside the salty, a strange mixture of the two, not unlike a chocolate covered pretzel, and you swallowed every drop you could before licking frantically along to make sure you didn’t miss anything. 

“Fuck,” He growled, something authoritative, almost dangerous, flooding through the air. 

Michael lifted you off of him as though you weighed nothing more than a ragdoll and tossed you down onto the mattress on your back, his lips suctioning around your clit once again, two fingers buried deep inside of you. 

You held onto his shoulders as his fingers scissored inside you, squeezing your legs tight around his head unintentionally. You felt him chuckle into your folds at that, and he removed his fingers from you momentarily to pull your legs over his shoulders. 

“Michael!” You mewled, your hips straining to jolt upward, and then he was moving faster, faster, adding a third finger that brushed a spot deeper inside you than anything else had ever reached. Your entire body clenched, and then suddenly you felt the waves of your climax wash over you. 

When your head was fully back, Michael had straightened up, examining his fingers, which were coated in your juices. 

“Fucking hell, Michael, I didn’t need to finish just then. You could’ve waited until you were fucking me for real,” You sat up on your forearms, laughing as you looked down at him. 

“Sorry,” Frowning, Michael pulled away, “Was that too much?” 

Why was he so goddamn sweet?

Moving to your knees, you pulled his face up to yours and kissed him, the taste of yourself that lingered on his tongue mixing with the salty remains of Michael on your own tongue, and you let out a low groan, pulling back to give him a smile, “No. It was wonderful.” 

“Okay. Can we... I mean,” He turned red, looking away from you, “Would you possibly consider riding me? Or do you want to stop now?” 

You rolled to the side, gesturing for Michael to move up the bed, and after a moment he did, sitting up against the headboard. Climbing into his lap in one swift movement, you let out a quiet moan at the feeling of him against your folds, his tip pressed against your interest. He swiped his hand between the two of you, gathering the fluids that had spilled from you and rubbing it onto his cock, lubing himself up with the remnants of your last orgasm. 

“Do you mind going slow?” You asked meekly, burying your face against his chest as you rocked against him, “I’m sorry, just, you’re really big.”

“Of course,” He cooed, running his hands through your hair, and finally you began sliding down the length of his cock. Burying your teeth into his neck, you tried to concentrate on how good this would feel once you got used to the stretch, the burn, and he whispered in your ear, “You’re doing so good. You-shit-you take my cock wonderfully, do you know that? It’s okay, I know it hurts, but you’re doing great.” 

When you had reached the end, and you were filled to the hilt, you gave a careful roll of your hips, testing the waters. You were feeling better now, running your tongue over the spot on his neck you had bitten, before beginning to suck another hickey into his soft skin. At this, Michael bucked into you, his cock hitting all the way up against your cervix, and you let out a shriek. 

You almost laughed at yourself. You had thought his fingers were impressive, but they were nothing compared to the sheer, masterful feeling of Michael inside you, his hands splayed against the small of your back, holding you in place as you leaned into him, taking one of your nipples into his mouth once again. 

“You feel so good, Michael,” You cried out, and Michael made that damn rumbling noise again, “Fuck, do you know that you purr? I love it.”

Although he continued to hold you, he seemed to be trying to hold back from fucking you too harshly, instead occasionally letting himself thrust into you, his eyes rolling back in his head at the way you moaned each time. He paused, looking up at you with a frown, “I don’t purr.” 

You giggled, although it quickly turned into a whimper as he began sucking hickeys into your breasts, and you squeezed his shoulders tightly to concentrate, “You do. You make lots of pretty noises. It makes sense, too. You’ve got such a pretty mouth, such a pretty face, such a pretty cock. You’re so pretty, it’s infected everything you do. And-fucking hell, that feels good-you move so well. Fill me up so well.” 

Michel lolled his head back against the headboard, the purring noise coming out again as you began to grind down harder. You kissed him quickly, watching as his eyes opened suddenly, drinking you in. 

“You’re perfect, Y/N, do you know that? You bounce so well on my cock, and your tits are so fucking perfect,” He paused, clearing his throat, “Was that the right thing to say? I don’t want to be disrespectful. I respect you, too, and all that. You’re just, fuck, you’re so fucking gorgeous and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last.” 

“It’s okay,” You reassured him, looking at his face to see that it was glistening, and it took you a moment to realize that there were tears running down his face. Kissing each one away, licking up the salty trail they had left, you resolved not to mention it or ask why, exactly, he was crying, “I’m not gonna last much longer either. I want you to cum for me, okay? Please, Michael.”

“Should I... should I pull out?” He panted, helping you roll your hips. 

“You don’t have to,” Gasping, desperately, you buried your nails into his shoulders, trying to contain the climax that was beginning to boil through you, “Just, fuck, please finish soon, Michael. I’m going to-”

Nodding, Michael’s thrusting increased. Although he was still cautious, his hands coming up to cup your breasts, you could tell that he was close to his end, as well. 

And he was, and he did, his cum flooding you once more just as you felt yourself boil over, heading hanging back. You couldn’t keep it up anymore, couldn’t concentrate on controlling your body and finishing, and you felt your breath catch in your throat, stars dancing through the air just in front of you. 

Michael held your hips tightly as you came down from your high, and then you had buried your face against his chest once more, arms wrapped around his neck. 

Christ, that took a lot out of you.

You leaned back to see that his eyes had drifted shut, and you leaned forward to press soft kisses against the lids. 

When Michael blinked them back open, his mouth had curved into a sleepy smile, another purr rumbling up from his throat, “That was... wonderful.”

“I agree,” You smiled too, tilting your head to the side as he peppered gentle kisses along your throat, “Now, you’re tired. Do you want me to leave, so that you can get some sleep?”

Michael tensed, clutching at your hips desperately, “Please don’t leave. I mean, I do want to sleep. But please, stay.” 

“Okay,” Mumbling softly, you leaned closer to his ear, “And by the way, I know a place you might wanna check out tomorrow.”

Looking curious at this, Michael brought his nose to your jaw, brushing along it softly, “Where?” 

“Church of Satan. It’s a few blocks away.”

“What?” This snapped him to attention, and he stared at you as though you’d grown a second head, “You’re... are you a Satanist?”

“No. Not a fan of organized religions. I believe in nature, and kindness. In caring for the ones around you who need it. But,” You folded his ear forward, kissing the three small scars behind it as delicately as you could, “I think that it would be beneficial for you to go.” 

“How did you know?” He shifted back so that he could sit more upright against the headboard, and you felt your sore walls pulse around his cock, still buried deep inside you, as you moved. 

You shrugged, “Lucky guess. Now, that’s all. No more talk. You need some sleep.”

Michael looked like he was about to argue with you, but then you pressed your head into his chest once more, and he rested his chin contentedly on top of your shoulder. 

You were almost asleep when he finally spoke up, hands rubbing gently along your spine, his voice hoarse, “Y/N? I just... I wanted to say thank you. I don’t normally say that, but you’re, well, I haven’t been treated with this much kindness, this much care, in a long time. Don’t say anything, I don’t want you to say anything, I just needed to tell you. Thank you.” 

And within moments his breathing had shifted, and he snored quietly, softly, and the snores sounded an awful lot like purrs, and the two of you were as close to each other as was physically possible, his dick softened inside you and his arms wrapped around you, and then you were asleep too, the two of you floating to a dream land that you couldn’t quite name. 

#I’m sorry In advance #Michael Langdon #sojourn!michael Langdon #sojourn!michael Langdon x reader #sojourn!michael Langdon smut #Michael Langdon x reader #Michael Langdon smut #Michael Langdon x reader smut #sojourn!michael Langdon x reader smut #ahs #ahs apocalypse #sojourn!michael #ahs fic #ahs writing #ahs smut #my writing #mine #original writing #I hope y’all like it #if you do please let me know #if you don’t please don’t let me know #much love

[konaizumi]

A Tale of Thousand Stars ep 9 thoughts/reaction

so gmmtv really decided to play with us this morning with those subs huh

au where torfun lives and finds a girlfriend who gives her all the love she deserves

they really give us this cute scene with torfun and phupha then come at me with “when i come back from bangkok” and remind me that torfun never comes back

the chaos of the scene where they bring phupha in

poor tian just hovering, wanting to do something, but unable to do anything to help

the tenderness of tian at his bedside and falling asleep next to him

thank you to dr nam for admitting his mistakes and apologizing

“i’m scared of losing everything i have right now” how did phupha hear this and still think tian would be happier elsewhere

tian’s dad keeps trying to use the mom as an excuse and it pisses me off bc like, they can visit?? she can see him whenever she wants, and tian would’ve moved out eventually or did she think tian would live with them forever? and i get that the mom would be concerned about tian living in a remote village but like she could adapt once she saw that tian was happy

like just say you don’t approve of your son being a poor volunteer teacher and go

“if you didn’t have fun, why would you run away from home?” the real answer that tian doesn’t want to say out loud is because he wasn’t happy at home

and tian’s dad just...doesn’t get it, doesn’t get why tian is happier here than he was at home, still thinks this is some kind of rebellion and it’s so frustrating for both of them

tian keeps talking about how he knows he eventually has to go home and i wonder if it’s ever occurred to him that he doesn’t actually have to, that he can choose the village, that he’s an adult and he can choose what to do with the rest of his life

i’m sorry but the matching slings were so distracting for me in this scene

the theme of self forgiveness in this ep is so good bc tian feels so guilty and he feels like he needs to make it up to torfun but it’s not torfun’s forgiveness that he needs it’s his own

especially bc torfun would be happy that at least her heart allowed someone else to live

god this whole scene is just so beautiful, with the sun shining behind them

when phupha said that he was also thinking about tian when he almost died and then cradled tian’s hand

so my predictions last week that the dad was involved in illegal stuff were way off, i genuinely so surprised that it was phupha who had been reporting to him (though in hindsight it does make more sense) but i slapped the table so hard when that happened

but oof, the angst is so real here and i love it

tian feels like his entire life has been lead and shaped by his family’s wealth and privilege and the village is the one thing he was able to do on his own and his relationship with phupha was genuine, then he finds out that this too was bc of his family’s wealth

and at this point i think even tian knows that phupha didn’t do all of that for wealth so he tries to get phupha to just say it, say that he genuinely cares for tian but phupha won’t say it and even confirms it and even if tian doesn’t fully believe him, phupha’s still being mean and saying that on purpose to hurt him and it does hurt

so tian accuses phupha of caring for tian for his own gain and even though that’s what phupha wants him to think it still hurts phupha to know that tian would believe everything he did was fake

and they just lash out at each other out of their own hurt

then phupha accuses tian of just having fun even though they both know that’s not true and it makes tian feel like the one person who understood him doesn’t actually see him

also i think it’s funny that phupha tried to be all mean for the express purpose of scaring tian off so he’d go home but tian, being the little shit he is, just digs his heels in harder

also i truly can not express enough how much i love and appreciate khama, like no wonder longtae is such a good boi when he was raised by khama

ugh, i can see the struggle in phupha’s eyes where he wants to drop the act and comfort tian so badly

poor longtae is so sad to lose his friend

tian is such a good teacher and it makes him so happy, how can anybody think he’d be better off doing something else

dr “despite all evidence to the contrary, i’m a doctor, not a therapist” nam

fuck, these scenes are supposed to be serious but i could not stop laughing every time I saw phupha with that fucking beard

the father’s like “i know my son well” like bitch, no you don’t, otherwise you would realize that tian is happier than he’s been in a long time and he’s not staying in the village as some way to spite you, it’s just that you and your lifestyle don’t make him happy

im sorry i still cant get over the beard

“im okay” that’s not what your hobo beard says

everybody keeps saying tian wouldn’t have listened if phupha asked nicely but did y’all really think asking meanly would work on this boy who stayed in the beginning out of spite toward phupha

they’re finally admitting their feelings so why does it have to be so heartbreaking?

tian wants to stay so badly and he wants phupha to ask him to stay so badly

phupha says tian doesn’t understand (why they can’t be together and why tian has to leave) but it’s really phupha who doesn’t understand

he genuinely thinks that tian was happy in his old life (and honestly why wouldn’t he?) and that tian is only staying in the village to assuage his guilt over torfun before leaving again to resume his old happy life, and that asking tian to stay would be depriving him of that happiness

but the village, teaching, phupha are all his happiness, he’s not giving anything up by staying but he’s giving everything up by leaving

and i think tian doesn’t fully understand that this is how phupha thinks so he doesn’t know how to explain to phupha what it would actually mean to him to stay

i also love how this show isn’t downplaying the other bonds tian has made, he wouldn’t just be staying for phupha, he would be staying for the kids, for the other rangers, for longate and dr nam--the whole village has become his family

tian looked really cute the way he bounced over to khama

god i can’t wait for next ep when tian decided to stay in the village forever and the angst is over and he and the kids get to celebrate and the kids don’t have to deal with the constant cycle of new teachers

longtae is baby and he just wants to keep his friend

tian not being able to count the stars because he can’t stop crying :(

we’re gonna find out what torfun’s wish was next ep and it’ll be something like the kids or the village or phupha being happy and it’ll be sweet as we and the characters realize that tian already carried out her wish without even knowing, no magic necessary

also i love that they used the version of the ost sung by aye (torfun) bc it really set the mood and also her voice is beautiful, i might like it better than the original

“you should do everything for yourself and not for someone else” it’s painful bc if tian really wanted to live his life for himself that would mean staying but phupha only thinks he’s staying bc of torfun

i need fanart of torfun’s ghost hugging tian and saying thank you

but your story doesn’t have to end!!!

we finally get to learn about the ring and it’s literally phupha’s heart and he gives it to tian and still sends tian away?!?

im not crying, you’re crying

tian is doing the lord’s work shaving off that ugly beard

the way his thumb brushes his lip

so, great ep as always, very angsty, both more and in different ways than i expected

can’t wait for next week when everyone finally gets to be happy, i will totally cry when tian tries to leave the village and is saying goodbye to everyone

#atots #1000 stars #a tale of a thousand stars #atots spoilers #1000 stars spoilers #atots ep9 #konaizumi reactions