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anundyingfidelity · 2 months

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I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part V)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.4k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: some misogyny and shit (you know who), psychiatry stuff, canon gore, blood, heads exploding, and violence?.

Notes: so I'm sorry for any mistakes during the psychyatric process, I go to therapy and take medication myself so that's all I know plus google research. And be aware of the gore descriptions, I tried to do my best I guess lol. Thanks for reading as always!

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

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get yourself in the taglist!

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part V: Blow Your Mind

With a deep breath, you reviewed the symptoms Soldier Boy barely 'gave' during your session. The list was kind of long on the pages and it read:

Always being on guard for any danger, self-destructive behavior, irritability, angry outbursts, panic attacks, feeling emotionally numb, not trusting anyone, not feeling safe, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, fatigue, muscle tension, headaches, back pain...

There was a weird silence surrounding both of you, mostly because of his mood and his change in demeanor from a somewhat friendly asshole to an irritated, unbearable jerk. Once you had started with the uncomfortably stupid questions, he felt threatened. Soldier Boy wasn't actually open to talk about his past and the traumatic experiences he had, and that meant it was difficult to get to know how his body and mind were reacting to all the stress and madness he went through in decades, adding those weeks after Billy Butcher had released him from his nightmare.

He was opposed to speaking directly about how he was feeling, but you knew better that Ben speaking out on his symptoms was not going to happen. So you had to ask each one of them and review some his most harsh experiences directly, in order to receive monotonous responses, limited to: 'yes', 'no', 'I don't know,' and finally 'what the fuck is that?' You took them all as an absolute yes.

He was being defensive and you knew better than to miss anything after he almost burned the whole damn building. And with the small but confident experience you had with psychiatry, you concluded that he needed medication and therapy. As soon as fucking possible.

"Yeah, you have PTSD," you said after a moment and your eyes found his unreadable gaze.

He raised his eyebrows with false surprise. He already heard that shit from Hughie before. "And where's the fucking drugs?"

"For that to happen, you have to stop the weed first."

"I've survived bricks of coke mixed with shit you probably don't know about and you want to take the only thing that's keeping me sane? Fan-fucking-tastic!" he fumed, but you didn't flinch. Not a bit.

"Look, my goal is keeping you safe and making you sane because you definitely are not. Not right now. And since I took you out, you'll follow my process, so stop whining."

He chuckled softly with a bitter grimace on his lips as he shook his head softly. "No, that's not gonna happen."

"I don't care if you agree with that, it's settled," you continued, a triumphant smile plastered on your face.

It was true, you didn't give a single shit. He had to be clean and quit any type of drugs to start the medication but most importantly, to use his blood. Eventually. You were more than aware that he wouldn't die easily, that was proved. And it was just a matter of time to get him to your lab to take samples of his blood and run the necessary research on them while you and your team still continued the studies with the Anti-V prototype. You were only hoping that day would arrive soon enough. Two months sober, that was all you needed from him. And the best part? Soldier Boy didn't have to really know the whole details.

Ben, on the other hand, clenched his jaw so tight and closed his eyes for a moment after hearing your statement. You really were a fucking bitch, letting him fall into the abyss of misery and torture that was his own wrecked mind. He considered your intentions internally, once again for the millionth time. You showed up there all dressed up, playing a rich doctor when in reality you were just a fucking slutty brat, just to tell him he had to stop his usual pot, which you also brought happily when he asked you to. And now, you were taking away the only thing that stopped him from ripping your head off. What a great move.

"That's not smart," he insisted.

"Why not? I have you under my own terms."

Ben tilted his head, studying you carefully. "You can't stop me, doll. None of you can. I'm only here because I find it suitable instead of storming out and catching unnecessary attention."

Ben saw you swallow down, he immediately knew it was because you were angry, not scared. You never really seemed scared of him. And you tried to restrain yourself from slapping him right away. "Are you blackmailing me again, Soldier Boy?"

"Is just a warning," he said, nonchalantly. "Wouldn't want to harm such a pretty thing like you, now wouldn't we."

"Oh well, just a reminder I can also turn on the damn gas if needed," you snapped. The arrogant smirk on his lips fell off and it was your turn to smile back. "We all have hidden cards, right?"

Such an arrogant bitch, he thought.

"So, what's your plan?" you switched the subject to avoid going further into what was troubling him.

"What do you mean?"

"Homelander. You want him dead, don't you? You must be getting ready to fight again..."

His body seemed tense once you pushed him to talk, looking away from you to calm a bit. "Isn't that what all of you want?"

"Any sane person would love that, trust me."

Soldier Boy narrowed his eyes. "Well, I can do it. If I wasn't here... You've seen what he's capable of. Jesus, I've seen it," he bitterly chuckled. "And the kid? He's a fucking menace."

"You've been watching the news, I take that—"

"The fuck I do! Wasn't gonna wait for you to keep me up to date of what the fuck is going on!" Ben shouted, his loud voice roaring in your ears despite the distance.

"I don't want you to stress out more than you do," you said, vacillating. "A lot of things take time, such as you adapting to the twenty-first century."

"I'd love to know when that'll happen," Ben insisted. "Or else, I might just break out."

With a tentative smile, you started to write down the report. "I'm so glad you're talking more during our sessions."

You barely said goodbye to Soldier Boy once you finished your daily session. Your head was aching as you walked down the aisle, barely leaving the empty wing of the building behind. Certainly he was hard to handle and was behaving defensively. Before you left he began asking, or better said, bossing you to get him whatever the kid Hughie told him he needed to learn how to use. Shit like the internet and GPS, he said. You told him he was not ready for it yet.

But you'd give him a golden star for trying and insisting so badly, even if he was against eighty percent of your methods. He was up to something, there was no question for that. He was a soldier, more or less like his given supe name. People like him always had a plan, and underneath his facade, there were more plans backed up with words of honor that you had to track sooner or later.

As you made your way to your office, greeting your lab employees and guards, a disturbing sensation grew up inside. Before crossing the doorframe you subtly looked around, focusing for some reason in the security camera, more time than you'd like to admit. You turned again to finally get inside, facing the entry of your office when hurried steps and a voice stopped you from doing so.

"Doctor!"

Once again you turned on your heels to see your assistant, tablet in hand. Those had to be the results.

"Hey," you began. "You have everything?"

Bianca nodded with a straight face and handed you the tablet. You noticed her tight grip and her somehow trembling fingers when you took the device from her hands. You eyed her a little, she remained with her hands intertwined in front of her, her attention seemed lost. With caution, you continued to check the file.

"Is the patient alright?" you asked, reading the profile of the supe who had the not so good luck of being tested previously.

Solaris was his supe name. And he had the ability to manipulate light and matter with his mind. He had taken part in the program for a month now and this was his first test. As always, each supe you had into the program was low-profile. You were thankful of your team keeping these supes under their gaze to offer them some sort of solution, even after all the deaths you tracked from time to time when a test of the Anti-V was run. More than a solution for them, it was a partial contribution to find it.

You quickly scanned the updated file that Bianca completed for you. He was doing better than projected, his powers were still gone with a forecast of probably coming back within a couple of hours. A deep breath left your lips. Now that was an improvement. It was the first time anything like that happened on any tests. The supe survived, he was weak but the powers were off for a bit. It was a small step closer to your goal. Just a little bit more maybe and it could be done, finally...

"He's resting right now," Bianca interrupted your thoughts. Your eyes were back on her face.

"This is great news, thank you. I trust he's doing okay."

She nodded. "He is."

"Great, I guess I'll see him in a couple of hours," you said about entering your office.

"Wait!" Bianca suddenly closed the little space between both of you. She breathed heavily before stuttering words out. "I, I have- I'm sorry..."

"Are you okay?" you inquired, knowing her behavior was unusual. She swallowed down, turning her gaze away, her hands shaking. Was she sick? "Bianca, what's wrong?"

You tried to reach her cheek with your hand, but she stepped back abruptly, looking at you like if you were a ghost with her eyes red and wet, and a fine layer of sweat adorning her skin.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

You walked towards her, worried about what was going on but every step you took, she also gave it back.

"Bianca, what's happening?"

Her back bumped the wall of your office, and finally, she started to cry. "I'm sorry. You have to go, please..."

Your heart started pounding heavily on your chest. "What—"

"Go now! Please... Please don't hurt me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bianca," you whispered, trying to comfort her.

But she continued crying and mumbled incoherent words with eyes shut, while hot tears streamed down her face. She choked on her sobs as she pleaded for her life. But you didn't understand why. You tried to soothe her, reaching her shoulder with your free hand.

And when you placed your palm on her, everything became red. It all happened in seconds. Ropes of warm blood covered your face in an instant. A loud gasp fell from your throat. You felt every drop mixed with brains on the skin of your face, on your neck, and sliding down the skin under your blouse. It was shocking and equally disgusting. And your eyes remained shut, not brave enough to move or see the horrid picture in front of you.

Your palm was still on her shoulder when the remains of her body fell to the ground with a thud. Your trembling hand wiped some blood from your face to open your eyes anew. The wall was painted with her, as much as you were, and it left a trail of blood from where her corpse slid to the floor. Her head long fucking gone.

"Shit."

Shit. Fucking shit. Was it him? It had to be him. There was no reason to doubt it. It was him. And he complied with his promise. Had Homelander been controlling Bianca? Was she the only one? No. There had to be something more. Homelander wasn't easy and he wasn't merciful with anyone. You had to stop him and get Soldier Boy out of the building. Now.

You tried to control yourself as best as you could, walking away to reach anyone, crossing a corner on the hallway, where a guard was casually passing by.

He stopped on his tracks at your sight, covered in blood and meat. "Doctor?"

"I need your help," you whispered.

He nodded quickly and you began explaining with a low, shaky voice.

"I don't know what happened, my assistant was right there with me when— Fuck!"

You walked some inches away when his head exploded, just like Bianca's did. Luckily, or not, this time was inside his helmet. All the red brains and blood were catched by it. Still, you wanted to throw up right fucking there. The remains of his body fell to the floor with a loud sound.

With a deep breath you continued your way, finding guards, lab assistants and agents. If they were alive, their heads popped into your sight. And if it was your somehow lucky moment of the day, you just found their headless corpses lying on the ground, creating a pool of blood you tried to avoid.

The only thing on your mind was taking Ben out of the building. The alarm had been turned on and the annoying sound of it was driving you crazy. Your head ached more than ever as you made your way to Soldier Boy for the second fucking time during the day.

Since there was no time to open the heavy door properly, you used a force field around the metal, moving the door until it slipped enough to let you in. You found him standing in the middle of the room. Eyes dark and alert, with fists and frame ready to fight. He wrinkled his nose once you entered the place.

"What the fuck's going on?" Ben growled, observing your blood covered face.

"We need to go, now. Take your clothes off."

He blinked, taken aback. Before he answered you continued with an explanation.

"I'll turn you invisible, but can't turn your clothes," you ordered, looking in the closet for a sports bag you knew was inside and picking a couple of shirts, pants and boxers as quickly as time allowed you to. Once finished, you turned to Ben again.

"Mind to fucking clarify?" he insisted. You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Look, I'll tell you everything once we're out," you turned one of your hands invisible for him to see.

Ben snorted with laughter. How ironic, he thought.

"No fucking way."

"Strip. We're leaving."

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy imagine #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon fanfiction #the boys series #the boys tv #the boys amazon prime #jensen ackles fanfiction #soldier boy/ben

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dduane · 1 year

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I've been following the fanfic & author discussion and I definitely see the issue with fanfic based on your own work. However, I'm curious how that doesn't extend to, well, everything else. If an author reads a coffeeshop AU based on their works and then writes something similar into a book, how is that different from reading a coffeeshop AU from a completely different media and then writing something similar with the names changed to their characters?

At the fanfic level, for me, it does extend to everything else. Let me tease this out a bit for you.

All writers distill their output at least partly from huge amounts of data, fed into their storymaking systems over (routinely) decades of time. When that input comes along in the form of traditionally "published" material—books or films or comics or whatever—I’d expect there to be an inherent understanding that what one publishes or films may (if you're lucky) wind up in the public consciousness. And thereafter—assimilated and, ideally, much changed and individualized—it may also end up in the work of people who create in the same general way you do.

Where traditionally published materials that I've internalized are involved, I've paid for them (or libraries or similar institutions have paid for them for me). Money''s changed hands, confirming (as it were) the contract between the creators and me. After that, what I make of Paradise Lost or Perelandra is my business.

And my business, both generally and specifically, is subversion. It's a rare work in any genre that doesn't afterwards leave me wondering "But how about if this was done completely differently...?" I.e., "What if a prince rescued a prince?" "What if you don't need a school to learn magic, because the universe teaches you?" And so on. ...The only hard and fast rule I have about this process is one that Heinlein handed me: "Sure, file the serial numbers off that idea and make something else of it. But you have to leave it different, and ideally better, than when you found it. If you're going to be the magpie who makes off with a pretty shiny thing, you must bring back something bigger and shinier in return."

So that's how that operation goes, when I'm dealing with what we might consider mainstream/tradpub works.

But fanfic operates under different rules. No money changes hands (because no money may). Fic writing is founded in a gift economy. And for me, to steal a gift or steal from a gift-giver is vile.

So, per the original question: For me, the primary difference between the two kinds of fics you're positing above is that in the first case, the fic's author and I are (creatively speaking) in a relationship... even if (strictly speaking) it's a nonconsensual one. I therefore feel a responsibility to protect their work from me by not allowing myself into situations where I might, however accidentally, borrow from it. And I also feel a responsibility to protect myself from possible adverse consequences of having seen their work. Safest way to ensure that protection on both sides? Not to see their work.

In the second case, let's say we've got a coffeeshop AU where, oh, I don't know, Bert is a barista and Ernie is a regular customer. (And Big Bird is the manager, and Cookie Monster is—no no, let's STOP this now...) Here it's safe to say that my relationship with either the IP owner* or the fic writer is likely to be nil. The writer doesn't know about me, or (I'm sure) care. They've put their stuff out there on AO3 or wherever for their own reasons, and at least theoretically for others' entertainment. So I'm at liberty to take it as such.

Which is all very well on the face of it. But if I caught myself inserting business from that Bert/Ernie AU fic into something of mine, what I'd consider the right thing for me to do would be to discard that whole line of thought and start over... because this is material sourced in a gift economy, and to me it feels wrong to use a gift this way.

And stressing this point: I'd do that once I'd caught myself. Because as I mentioned at the start of this, all writers pick up and digest concepts and situations that then go "into the pot", as Tolkien said, and get lost over time in the general melange of flavor. If I don't catch myself, and then the flavor of the original gets submerged in the overall taste of the soup to the point where I can't ID it... that could get troublesome. And if I later realize what's happened, it'll pain me no end.

This is why I do not want to see Young Wizards fanfic at all. The chance always exists that if I do look at any of it, I might accidentally internalize it and pop it out, however changed, years later... and would thereby have abused my relationship with the fic writer. (And yes, ever though they would by definition be in that relationship with me nonconsensually, that would not make it right, or all right, for me to do the same thing back to them.) In this regard, I'd sooner be safe than sorry... because being sorry about something you've written is a very sad, bitter place to be.

...Maybe all the above will strike some people as unusually rigorous. (shrug) That doesn't bother me; not least because they don't have to live inside my head, and I do. My creative life doesn't have a billion rules, but this is one that seems obvious to me, and which I do my best not to violate. It's not all about legal exposure. It's about trying to do right.

HTH.

*It's surprising how many potential scenarios I had to throw out just now because I am in relationships with the IP owners, or have been. Pity. The Cap/Bucky one would have been fun...) :)

#fanfic #and #ethics

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petrichor-idyllic · 1 year

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2. Reader and Minho liked each other but noone had time to explore the feelings. But when Minho gets back from that night with Thomas in the maze the reader is so happy hes still alive and there is some tension building up...later on the keepers meeting (book scene) where Minho is a total hottie and says the most iconic stuff as usual reader cant help herself and once the meeting is over she suddenly kisses him.

This is a request from an anonymous user that asked for two in one, so I've had to separate them, and I'm bad at tumblr, but I'll post them at the same time to make them easier to find.

I actually whipped my copy of the book out to pull direct quotes from it. This was effort. Also, yes I know Chuck isn't there because he's the one that tells them about Alby, but this isn't here for accuracy points (I may or may not have also written the whole thing before noticing this myself but shhhh)

BEYOND THE OTHER SIDE

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Book based fic. Fem!Reader.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, some suggestive themes but under spice because of one slightly heated make out session.

"You're still here?" You don't even bother looking up to see that it's Newt. You're sat in front of the Doors with your legs crossed, Chuck using your thigh as a pillow as you told the boy to get some sleep, even if he refused to leave your side.

"What does it look like?" The British boy sighs, rubbing your shoulder.

"You know they're not coming back, right?"

You shoot him a glare, "Don't say that- if anyone can survive out there, it's Minho."

The last twenty-four hours have been a blur. First, Minho found a 'dead' Griever, resulting in a expedition for him and Alby to go check it out.

As far as you can tell, that thing definitely wasn't dead. That much was obvious when Minho came around the corner carrying an unconscious Alby.

Every part of your body was screaming to go in there and save them- help them- anything you could think of.

But Thomas beat you to it.

It had been a weird enough week as it was with another girl showing up a day after Thomas and the Box refusing to go back down, but this was definitely the hardest blow.

Now three of them, two of the most important people in the Glade, were stuck out there.

You would be lying if you weren't playing favourites.

You and Minho have an interesting relationship, to say the least. He helped you out when you first showed up in the Box. He taught you how to defend yourself and did a good job at keeping the other boys away from you. He's surprisingly emotionally intelligent and offers an understanding to your feelings of isolation that the other Gladers can't seem to grasp. It doesn't help that he's gorgeous and kind of funny.

All of this resulting in you crushing on him. Hard.

And the feeling is mutual.

And you both know it.

After a drunken confession (and make-out session) during one of the Bonfire nights, you both decided to just be friends. After all, maintaining a relationship in the Glade isn't an easy task, and it's key for Minho to focus on his work above everything.

So, you've both been pushing your feelings for each other down in favour of the greater good.

The sexual tension has been killing you, and him, especially when you've had a bit too much to drink and he keeps looking at you like that.

But this is painful. He's gone. He could be dead and you'd never see him again. Never having fulfilled your promises of a relationship once you both escape.

You've been sitting there all night. Both you and Chuck. Chuck for Thomas, you for Minho. Some early risers sent you both sympathetic glances but it just made you angrier.

You don't need their pity. They're going to be okay. They have to be okay- he has to be.

The rumbling of the Doors startles you, even though you've been expecting it since you sat down.

"Chuck," you lightly shake the boy, causing him to stir from his slumber, "Chuck, wake up. The Doors are opening."

He's groggy, but still eagerly awakes, pulling himself off of you and allowing you to stand up.

Gladers start to gather around as the giant stone entrance prepares itself to settle for the day. You, Chuck and Newt stand at the front of the crowd, Newt's hand still lingering on your shoulder in preparation to comfort you. The blond is far more realistic than you, but he still doesn't want to watch you crumble when the hope fades.

He knows your and Minho's relationship better than anyone else. He hears about it from both sides pretty much daily.

The Doors open painfully slow, almost like they're mocking you.

It reveals an empty corridor. Your jaw tenses, and you ball your fists, trying not to let your emotions take over as you look at the floor. Newt rubs your shoulder, and you can see Chuck anxiously looking at you from the corner of your eye.

It's like all the Gladers hold their breath, waiting to see your response.

But you don't get the chance to.

"No shuckin' way," your eyes flicker up to Newt, who is staring straight ahead. You follow his gaze, watching as Minho and Thomas stumble down the stretch of concrete.

"Minho!" Your voice is scratchy and you lose all care for the rules. Rushing forward, the Runner seems to be in far better condition than the Greenie, who looks like he's seen the Devil himself.

Your feet move beneath you, diving into Minho's arms. "Woah, easy, girly," he scoffs, but his muscular arms come around you. The hug is tight and full of enough emotion to show you how terrified he was.

He's alive. Oh my God, he's alive.

"Uh, this is sweet and all, but we need to get Alby down," Thomas interrupts. You pull away from Minho.

"He's still alive?"

"He better shuckin' be," Minho sounds like he's had quite the night. "Where even is he?"

"Come on- help us!" Thimas rushes to the wall by the Doors. To your surprise, Alby is strung several feet above the air, tangled to the wall with Ivy.

"How the..." You meet Newt's equal look of disbelief, but you all get to work helping your Leader down.

Thomas and Minho basically pass out the second they get to the Med-jack's hut. You let them. The next day is about to be interesting and they both need to rest.

The Gladers are already thinking about what this all means and with the revelation that Thomas had somehow killed THREE Grievers, the Glade is in some kind of uproar.

Some people are worshipping the ground that he walks on, and others want him burned at the stake. Gally is the chancellor of the latter crowd.

Alby's got the serum, so there's a ray of hope yet. But Thomas broke the rules.

Obviously, you're of the belief that Thomas has done a good thing. Alby and Minho might not have survived if it weren't for him- how could he possibly be punished for all of this?

Thankfully, that seems to be the majority opinion. But with Newt in charge and a hatred of the poor constructed democracy of the Glade, it's hard to say what will happen.

Which is why when it came to the Gathering regarding Thomas's existence in the Glade, you're stood right outside with Chuck, not so subtly eavesdropping in.

Nearly all of the Keepers came up in a group together- "veterans" as they call themselves. So, there's not much chance of you becoming a Keeper. But now you wish you were.

"What do you think they're-?"

"Shh, Chuck," you snap at the boy, hushing him as you try to make out something audible enough to gain information from.

The general chattering seems to be pretty pointless. It's just people saying the same shit everyone's been saying since the trio returned.

It doesn't take long for silence to settle, and for Newt to give the introductory speech that he is no doubt rolling his eyes about. The Keepers each take it in turn to state their opinions, thankfully most of them siding with Thomas.

Gally then has about a forty page essay on how Thomas is the spawn of Satan until Newt finally speaks again, "With no more words from Gally- go ahead, last but not least."

Minho's distinct voice fills the room. "I was out there; I saw what this guy did- he stayed strong while I turned into a panty-wearin' chicken. No blabbin' on and on like Gally. I want to say my recommendation and be done with it."

"Good that," Newt almost seems relived. "Tell us then."

"I nominate this shank to replace me as Keeper of the Runners."

You and Chuck look at each other as silence consumes the inside of the room. Both of you wear expressions of disbelief, looking at one another to assure that you actually heard that correctly.

Unsurprisingly, Gally spoke first, screaming about how Minho should lose his spot on the Council for even suggesting such a thing.

Then chaos erupts as Newt desperately tries to calm down the boys.

"Shuck it," you really do pity Newt. He somehow got swept into everyone's bullshit and the man just wants to grow his plants. "I've never seen so many shanks acting like tit-suckin' babies. We may not look it, but around these parts we're adults. Act like it or we'll disband this bloody Council and start from scratch." A beat skips as Newt seems to compose himself, "Are we clear?"

The quiet from beyond the door tells you that they've all gotten the hint.

"Good that." Newt continues, before he seems to address Minho. "That's some pretty serious klunk, brother. Sorry, but you need to talk it up to move it forward."

You and Chuck exchange another round of stunned glances. Newt's actually considering this?

There's no way. This isn't adding up. Minho would never give up his job- he's too good at it. And you've seen him injured and on prescribed rest. He hates it. The boy can't sit still for two seconds, even when he is in the Glade. If he were to just become a normal Runner, Minho would still be far too overqualified for the gig.

"It's easy for you shanks to sit here and talk about something you're stupid on. I'm the only Runner in this group and the only other one here who's even been out in the Maze is Newt." Minho sounds frustrated and still tired.

A bad mix, to be sure.

So, of course, Gally has to open his mouth. "Not if you count the time I-"

"I don't!" Minho shouts suddenly, making Chuck jump away from the door, but you don't move. Minho's playing a game here- you just know he is.

"And believe me, you or nobody else has the slightest clue what it's like to be out there. The only reason you were stung is because you broke the same rule you're blaming Thomas for. That's called hypocrisy, you shuck-faced piece of-"

"Enough," you're actually kind of disappointed Newt shut him down. It's about time someone shouted at Gally and just hearing Minho do it is making you feel some kind of way. "Defend your proposal and be done with it."

Minho takes a second before picking up again.

"Anyway, listen to me. I've never seen anything like it. He didn't panic. He didn't whine and cry, never seemed scared. Dude, he'd been here for just a few days. Think about what we were all like in the beginning. Huddling in corners, disoriented, crying every hour, not trusting anybody, refusing to do anything. We were all like that, for weeks or months, 'till we had no choice but to shuck it up and live. Just a few days after this guy shows up, he steps out in the Maze to save two shanks he hardly knows. All this klunk about him breaking a rule is just beyond stupid. He didn't get the rules yet. But plenty of people had told him what it's like in the Maze, especially at night. And he still stepped out there, just as the Door was closing, only caring that two people needed help."

You don't think you've ever heard Minho be this passionate about anything. It's definitely only adding to your liking of him, and hearing him agree with you with such determination is making your heart rate increase.

"But that was just the beginning. After that, he saw me give up on Alby, leave him for dead. And I was the veteran- the one with all the experience and knowledge. So when Thomas saw me give up, he shouldn't have questioned it. But he did. Think about the willpower and strength it took to push Alby up that wall, centimetre by centimetre. It's psycho. It's freaking crazy."

He seems to take a breath before continuing even further.

"But that wasn't it. Then came the Grievers. I told Thomas we had to split up and I started the practised evasive manoeuvers, running in the patterns. Thomas, when he should've been wettin' his pants, took control, defied all laws of physics and gravity to get Alby up onto that wall, diverted the Grievers away from him, beat one off, found-"

"We get the point," Gally stops, halting Minho's actually quite enthralling retelling of the events. "Tommy here is a lucky shank."

"No," Minho sounds completely furious, "you worthless shuck, you don't get it! I've been here two years, and I've never seen anything like it. For you to say anything..." He trails off, followed by a loud groan of frustration.

You feel angry for him. He's right, you don't get it- you've never had to experience the horrors of the Maze and Minho does it literally every single day. How can Gally even think he has a leg to stand on?

"Gally," he's suddenly scarily calm, "you're nothing but a sissy who has never, not once, asked to be a Runner or tried out for it. You don't have the right to talk about things you don't understand. So shut your mouth."

"Say one more thing like that," you can imagine spit flying from Gally's mouth as he throws the words at your future boyfriend, "and I'll break your neck, right here in front of everyone."

"Great," Chuck mumbles, "we're already at death threats." You shush him again.

Minho laughs.

A sound that sends shivers down your spine. Probably because you can tell what's about to happen.

There's a loud slapping sound. It's followed by the noises of chairs crashing and breaking and several loud, incoherent shouts.

"I swear, Gally," Minho's voice rings above the commotion, "don't ever threaten me again. Don't ever speak to me again. Ever. If you do, I'll break your shuck neck, right after I'm done with your arms and legs."

Damn.

That was hot.

Should that be hot? Do you have some interesting problems?

Probably, yes, but that can he dealt with at a later date.

"Holy shit," you murmur, Chuck humming in shocked agreement.

There's a lot more shuffling and arguing, but unfortunately, Gally decides to talk even more.

"Things are different now. You shouldn't have done that, Minho. You should not have done that. I know you hate me, that you've always hated me. You should be Banished for your embarrassing inability to lead this group." You're assuming that this is directed at Newt. "You're shameful, and any one of you who stays here is no better. Things are going to change. This I promise."

Well, that's... ominous.

"And you, the Greenbean who thinks he's friggin' God. Don't forget I've seen you before- I've been through the Changing. What these guys decide doesn't mean jack. Whatever you came for- I swear on my life I'm gonna stop it. Kill you if I have to."

You're quick to grab Chuck, yanking him towards you and out of the way of the door which flies open. Gally looks shook up, clearly Minho did more than just shout at him from his dishevelled clothing and red face. He doesn't even glance at you as he slams the door behind him.

He storms off, leaving you and Chuck to, once again, exchange glances before shrugging it off and returning to your original positions.

The discourse continues, mainly about Gally and the Changing and what it all means, with Frypan pointing out that the guy has obviously lost his mind.

The structure falls apart pretty quick. Newt giving up completely as he makes Thomas speak his piece.

Newt finally makes his judgement.

"Here's my recommendation. You broke our bloody Number One Rule, so you get one day in the Slammer. That's your punishment. I also elect you as a Runner, effective the second this meeting's over. You've proven more in one night than most trainees do in weeks. As for you being the buggin' Keeper, forget it. Gally was right on that count- stupid idea."

You know Minho's playing a game when he argues this. "Why? He's the best we have- I swear it. The best should be the Keeper."

"Fine," Newt just wants to leave at this point, "if that's true, we'll make the change later. Give it a month and see if he proves himself."

"Good that." Minho sounds completely unfazed, almost expectant of this outcome.

The vote commences with everyone agreeing to Newt's terms; even with some queries from Winston. Newt agrees to the proposal of another Gathering if shit hits the fan.

You pull Chuck out of the way again as the door flies open, most of the Keepers in a hurry to leave. Both of you flash them some slightly suspicious, sheepish smiles because you couldn't get away quick enough to play it off.

Thomas and Minho head out, leaving Newt in the Gathering room but they continue talking in the doorway.

"Keeper?" Thomas questions, yet to notice you. "You want me to be a Keeper? You're nuttier than Gally by a long shot."

Minho fakes an evil grin. "Worked didn't it? Aim high, hit low." He playfully nudges Thomas, "Thank me later."

Thomas notices Chuck, looking between you and the boy, who speaks. "That sounded like a real klunk show."

Thomas scoffs, playfully shoving the younger kid.

Jeff suddenly comes running over, stuttering over something about Alby wanting to talk to Thomas, which peaks Newt's attention, and he shoots out of the room, grabbing Thomas and dragging them in the direction of Alby. Chuck follows, probably to take part in some more eavesdropping.

You're definitely not the best influence.

"That was quite the trick, Keeper," you exaggerate the 'Keeper', causing Minho to grin at you as you casually lean against the wall, finally gaining his attention.

"You're one to talk- you could get time in the Slammer for listening in on private affairs."

"You knew I was here?"

"'Course I did- I always know where you are. Can't afford not to." You roll your eyes. Of course, he noticed you were there- he's too perceptive not to.

You take a moment to admire him. Despite getting in a fight and shouting his lungs out, Minho looks as perfect as always. And the things he said and how he acted so in control and determined makes you pull your bottom lip between your teeth.

"What?" His voice becomes considerably lower. "You know you can't look at me like-"

In an instant, you stand up straight, grabbing his shirt with some force and yanking him towards you. He makes no effort to protest as you press your lips against his.

It's just a peck, but you're now very aware that this breaks the set of boundaries you'd both set.

"Shit," you whisper, "fuck, I forgot."

He lets out a low chuckle that almost has you squeezing your legs together. "You know, when I was out in the Maze, all I could think about was you."

Your heart skips a beat, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I just- I have everything I want right in front of me, and I didn't wanna shuck it up. But it took me nearly dying to realise I don't care anymore. This is dumb. I want you- and I can have you. Why wait?"

Your foreheads touch as his words bring tou closer together, noses touching, his eyes fixed on your lips.

"Why are you still waiting then?" That's all the confirmation he needs to ignite the kiss again. He pushes against you, your hands diving into his hair and humming into his mouth as you hit the wall behind you.

He effortlessly holds you in place, pushing his knee between your legs, hands holding your waist. Your lips dance against each other, tongues brushing just in the slightest, showing one another your wants but without taking things too far in such an open place.

"(Y/N)?" He breaks the kiss, panting more than he does after working all day.

"Yeah?"

"Do you, uh, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

You scoff, taking him by surprise before pecking his lips once again.

"Yes, shucking obviously- I thought you'd never ask."

Wooo, finally finished this piece. It took me a hot minute but here it is. Sorry for any errors or anything, I've not reread it because it is very late but I just had to get this out.

Hope you guys enjoy :)

#🌿 petri writes #🍃 petri tmr #🌿 petri writes tmr #🌿 petri tmr minho #tmr fanfiction #tmr minho #minho the maze runner #minho tmr #minho tmr x reader #tmr imagines #minho maze runner

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steddieunderdogfics · 13 days

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This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Capriciously_Terminal! @capriciouslyterminal has 106 fics on ao3 in the Stranger Things fandom and 105 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@mustardyellowlilac recommends the following works by Capriciously_Terminal:

Where the Sun Can't Reach

Spit Me out, You Don't Know Where I've Been

It's the Ritual of the Thing

Baby I'm Your Man (Don't Fear the Reaper)

It's as if she writes memories, rather than stories, and that makes them tangible and devastating -- @mustardyellowlilac

Below the cut, @capriciouslyterminal answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I started writing Steddie because the characters of Steve and Eddie have such specific and human voices that I literally couldn’t get them out of my head after watching the first drop of S4. (Also I’d just gotten a new puppy who didn’t love sleeping through the night so I had plenty of time to think). The more I wrote for them the deeper I found myself in their voices and thinking about what they could do and I had to keep going until I ran out of steam.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good “Steddie interwoven into previous seasons’ canon events” story. Especially if an author makes it SO specific. I want Steve and Eddie in Starcourt. I want Eddie Munson popping up at the pumpkin patch. I want Eddie Munson in the background at Starcourt drooling. I want him to spend this whole time watching Steve’s character growth and finding it impossibly hot before getting twisted up in the horror.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I definitely love adding Eddie Munson to canon (thinking about him and life-guard Steve Harrington is where this all began, afterall). However I think that I, as a person, am just as obsessed with The Horrors. As such adding monstrosity/new flavors of spooky to this show was my favorite thing to do.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I can narrow it down to two! My favorite piece of Steddie fic that changed my brain chemistry has got to be fastcardotmp3’s “that’s just wasteland, baby!” (https://archiveofourown.org/works/42351597) because the scene in the lake? The genuine wonderful take on in media res apocalypse living? Dot’s talent for characterization/love? I’ll never live it down. Actually, go read everything by fastcardotmp3. Do yourself a favor. The other has to be “every mistake was made purposefully” by birthdaycandles (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41795838/chapters/104862381). It turns out I’m a sucker for excellent narration and watching Steddie/plot shenanigans from Tommy Hagan’s prickly point of view. It gave me everything I’ve ever wanted.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I always wanted to write a When Harry Met Sally AU about Steve and Eddie meeting throughout their lives/development. I don’t know if I’ll ever pick it up again but it’s still there knocking at the back of my mind. I’ve also got like fifteen of the drabbles in i love you you dope with bits of continuation in my head too.

What is your writing process like?

In general, my writing is a very all or nothing process. It’s either going to go all day, through meals, and not stop until the idea is finished OR I’m going to be stalled completely. Generally, though, if I’m in my crazy inspired phase I’ll have an idea (specifically the beginning of something) and if that idea sticks in my head for more than a single day then I probably can’t leave it until it’s done. However, this did change with my writing i love you you dope. I decided to answer p0ck3tf0x's "100 Ways to Say I Love You" list one prompt at a time. Once a day. RIP. This led to a writing process which was more of a sit down after work and immediately write the first thing you could think of until it’s done kind of affair. I can’t recommend that style lol. It led to some pretty intense burnout by the end but I am proud of how many ideas came because of it. It showed that, through tenacity, most ideas could be something worth pursuing.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I can’t help but put first and second person pronouns in descriptions as if speaking to the reader and I’m a frequent and blatant tense shifter. It’s all over the place at times lol. I also LOVE a good stream of consciousness description, flitting from one image to another, which probably lead to these grammatical quirks and a shit ton of run-on sentences.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Before I started writing i love you you dope I very much preferred finishing my writing before I posted it. It took ages but nothing felt worse than having to leave something unfinished because I’d lost the plot (which has happened several times). However, part of the draw of i love you you dope was that (as a challenge) I had to write and post daily. While I learned I can write on such a grueling schedule, I can safely say after finishing it that I prefer having the time to ensure something’s to my standards. Or, at least, until I’m tired of looking at it and just want other people to see it.

Which fic are you most proud of?

If we branch outside of my Steddie work it’s a fic for a little show called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency that I think I’ll never top. A Road Song in Quartet that Smells like a Trio is basically my novel/brain-child about my favorite rowdy vampire boys and I have to shout it out everywhere I go. However, to stick to the Steddie, I had such a great time with characterization in writing It’s the Ritual of the Thing. Some of those descriptions are still some of my best work. Or, I’d have to say, Can We Both Be Lonely If We’re Both Looking at Each Other? It’s an AU modeled after the world of The Magnus Archives Podcast and not only was I proud of the way I was able to layer monstrosity on both Eddie and Steve but I just loved the world. I actually planned out a whole main plot for the world that never saw the light of day.

How did you get the idea for Baby I'm Your Man (Don't Fear the Reaper)?

I can’t remember which came first, the title or the idea of Eddie meeting Death as played by Steve Harrington, but the song title by Blue Öyster Cult had definitely been sitting in my head for a while. The idea initially started as a Seventh Seal reference with Eddie having to challenge Death with Steve Harrington’s face to a game of basketball but that scene wasn’t working so instead we got a trip through various S4 locales and a fun Death with good hair.

When writing Spit Me out, You Don't Know Where I've Been, what was something you didn’t expect?

I honestly didn’t know if anyone would vibe with the language/story. For a fic that focused a lot on unease, offal, and how hard it would be to picture a future in a small town I was waiting for people to not touch this one with a ten foot pole. So to hear that it actually channeled people’s feelings or that it was something that people enjoyed (as opposed to just me shouting stressful things at the sky) was a big expectation dodge.

What inspired It's the Ritual of the Thing?

When I was in high school I had a friend who asked me out once, the first person to ever do so, and my first instinctual response was to genuinely ask him why he was really calling me after school. He insisted that he really did want to ask me out and for some reason that made my blood run cold. The date did not go well, obviously, but I remembered the gut punch to think someone wouldn’t want you/the desire to say no just because it frightened you for years afterwards. It felt like such an Eddie thing to feel, especially if Steve Harrington was the one to ask him out. Honestly…I poured a lot of my own worldview into Eddie Munson as I wrote him and that’s where a lot of this came from.

What was your favorite part to write from Ritual of the Thing?

I’d have to say it’s a toss up between two parts. Firstly, I’ll never get over the descriptive imagery in the beginning (I’ll never forget lines like “Suddenly it’s like he’s a Jack-O-Lantern with his mouth carved open. A candle sits on his tongue and its light is shining out of his eyes”). It was the kind of sentence I was thrilled to read after I wrote it. Secondly, I was really proud of Eddie and Robin’s conversation after Steve told her about his asking Eddie out. I loved both of their voices in that moment and the thought of Robin trying to explain how much Steve could love you even after you’d had to let him down…and her little fake nightmare discussion.

How do/did you feel writing Where the Sun Can't Reach?

On one hand it felt like I was exorcizing something because I show my class The Sandlot once a year and that means for one day I watch the scene where the kid fakes drowning to make-out with the lifeguard four times. That’s too many times. I had to process that. But I do remember that feeling of loneliness that could come with summer. That could come with wishing for a room somewhere with someone you loved when it felt impossible. I remember when the smallest of things could mean the world when you had nothing else…so in a way maybe I was exorcizing that too.

What was the most difficult part of writing Where the Sun Can't Reach?

Besides the jokey answer of reliving the aforementioned scene from The Sandlot on purpose, I’d have to say trying to accurately consider the physics/feelings of Eddie’s trip into the water. The feelings/actual consequences of hitting his head. I’m not too sure I got the details right but I remember working on it so many times that I eventually threw in the towel and went with what I had.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I think…it’s gotta go to my lone vampire Steddie fic I Go Hungry Every Night. The whole thing’s one big treatise to Upside Down skinned vampires and food/service as a love language? And also the fact that I love vampires/monstrosity. I just went way too hard with the line: “If you asked Steve what the opposite of tracing constellations in someone’s freckles in the afterglow would be he’d say this, making shapes in the pieces of the wound they’ve given you. The one that weeps red slowly.”

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

While I wish I did, and I’m always thinking about various unfinished fics in the strangest moments of my life, I think I’m pretty knocked from my Steddie writing mojo. I love you you dope was an incredible process and I am so proud of it…but I think it cauterized my writing brain for Steddie. I’d love for people to poke around the fics I wrote and I will say that other people’s intrigue sometimes pulls my attention back to old ideas…but I do believe I’m a bit out to pasture here lol.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Writing Steddie was something that kept me sane during a really stressful transition from college to adulthood. These characters and all the people I got to meet/talk with in this fandom have been one of the greatest joys in my life. I’m so honored, like honestly floored, that anyone would nominate me for something like this. The thing about writing fic is that oftentimes when you start it can feel like you can’t possibly amount to what other people do. Like you’re just a little voice that doesn’t have anything special about it even when you tried so hard. But I stand as someone who felt that way and still found that people did enjoy what I wrote and if I can do it, honestly, anyone can. <3

Thank you to our author, @capriciouslyterminal, and our nominator, @mustardyellowlilac! See more of Capriciously_Terminal's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#writer's wednesday #writer's spotlight #steddie #steddie fic recs #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #ao3 writer #steddie writers

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lifesteal-headcanons · 2 months

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I'm gonna put the glitch in glitch duo right now and rant about them and how their glitches work because I am so normal about them (lie)

Okay, so I barely got into Lifesteal like. Late last year because of Squiddo joining and I lowkey got really hyped for it and seeing Ash and Squiddo together I was like.. Woah.. New fav duo alert.. And then found that there was no fancontent and had to make it myself so.

Anywho! Ashswag, as we already know, has that lil.. Thing over his left eye (?) That a lot of us (me) has interpreted as like. Glitching. So to start us off, I believe that glitching can stem from messing with your own player code/others player code/server codes/using mods with like. Virus' or something idk im not that smart. And from the Ashswag videos I've watched we can kind of tell where Ash fits in there by like. Fucking with how servers work and therefore fucking up his own code.

Squiddo's code is glitched because.. Have you watched Squiddo's videos? Naw but fr, she's constantly putting the most cancer inducing mods on her game, playing mods that can definitely fry their pc, playing minecraft on a USB DRIVE?? Which would DELETE chunks to MAKE MORE OF ITSELF so like. You can see where I'm going with this. So obviously, their code gets fucked up and the more they do these mods and plug ins and - whatever the hell, the more their code because intangible and unable to be fixed.

So, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and explain how I think their glitching works and how it affects their body/like.. Everything else.

Ashswag's glitches, as we can see, are more visible to the eye. Literally over his damn eye. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that gives him some partial blindness in his left eye. Also, from some fics that ive read ive seen people give him like, back problems and chronic pain that he probably had before but the glitches DEFINITELY don't help at all and instead make the pain way worse than it already is so. Yay!

While Ash's are more physical, I feel like Squiddo's are more like. Mental? If you catch my drift? While Ash is stumbling down into a heap of pain on the floor because his back is killing him, Squiddo is standing in the hallway staring at him wondering why the guy from the one house smp is crumbling on the floor in front of them on a server they swore they were not on a few weeks ago.

So yeah. Memory loss Squiddo. Also inspired from a fic that I do know! I'll link the fics I got inspired from at the end because they are genuinely such good reads and great ideas.

But I decided that memory loss best fit Squiddo, because tbh they are pretty forgetful. And I take their goofy hijinks and shenanigans as just. Squiddo having to recollection of anything and just trying to do something (which she's probably done before) to job their memory but oh well. I feel as if the memory loss is more of a living in the farlands thing rather than glitched out fucked-up code inducing thing, but whatever. The only time we see glitched out Squiddo is on thumbnails! So I feel like whenever Squiddo joins a server or world that's previously glitched or like. They're already pretty glitched, it really takes its toll and fucks up the whole thing and makes it a memory loss disaster for Squiddo.

And because of Squiddo's horrible memory, they can never recollect and find out what the hell happened to the world to make it this glitched out when in reality she's the reason the world is so glitched.

Except when joining servers! Surprisingly, they don't experience those things when joining servers while when joining worlds the world would become discombobulated and delete itself just after a few hours. Funsies! Which they realize when they join the one house smp just to explore it and then they find ASHSWAG!! And then realizes that HE'S GLITCHED TOO!! YAYY!!! And then they absolutely BOMBARDDDD him with questioned like "why do my worlds always delete themselves?", "what causes someone to have a glitched code?" And "how are servers able to not glitch out?" Etc etc which Ashswag answers and then BOOM! FRIENDSHIP!!!

Basically the only reason servers are able to work for them is because theres like.. This other thing cody whatever that prevents it to idk im not smart. This is not compliant with my past fics written about this stuff but oh wellsies.

Another thing I have made up is 'glitch fever' where basically they just get sick because of their fucked up code and glitches. Yeah. Also based off a fic I read where being around Ashswag too much can make you sick and stuff. I feel like their are certain people who are immune to it like Reddoons (purely because of Swagdoons and nothing else) and Squiddo (because they also glitch tf out and Swagsquid/silly).

Another thing I've like. Headcanoned (because this is all just me reading too much into things and making too many headcanons about) is that their glitches also like.. Made their body tempature irregular. This is so random but it was just something I thought of and then I wrote a fic about it. Like, Ash is constantly fucking cold and on a hot ass texas summer day he'll feel a little warm. Same for Squiddo just vice versa. I love them. The sillies. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them.

That's.. All I have I'm pretty sure. Hello I am Swagsquid the #1 Glitch Duo Writer/Enthusiast and the #1 Swagsquid Shipper (the ONLY Swagsquid shipper..) and thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Fics I took inspiration from:

"Dear Diary: Today, I killed someone" by Fey_wilde on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/52170592)

"I Feel Too Weak to Stand" by Eternal_Era on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48067240)

"fault lines" by garlic_sauc3 on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41924196)

Fics I've written based on this idea:

"Glitch fever" by (ME!!) Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53400835)

"The warmth of another's embrace" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53449573/chapters/135284551)

"Forgotten hot chocolate" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54350146)

(Please read the tags and ratings before reading some of the fics!)

#ask #headcanon #lifesteal smp #ashswag #squiddo #long post

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hepbaestus · 4 days

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Just some thoughts about the past year for me :)

This may get a lil deep, I'm writing this at 11pm while procrastinating revision, so it's going under a read more.

If you had told me that over a year ago I would've joined a fandom that absolutely changed my life during one of the worst periods of my life, I would have laughed. I wouldn't have believed you at all.

These past 14 months have been the greatest time of my life when it comes to being part of a fandom; I'd never really properly interacted with many people in the fandoms I was in so it always seemed quite isolating. I think of it like when you're in a car and it's late at night, you're passing lots of bright adverts that you can't fully engage with as you're passing by so quickly and it's so late that you're very sleepy.

It was just me in my little corner of the internet (i know, such a commonly used phrase) enjoying myself.

And then the qsmp started, literally a day after my life went to shit and I found solace and comfort in the early days of the server depsite not engaging much because of travelling and shitty hotel wifi, when the eggs were brand new. I was a Phil main so I'd been a crow for a while and I wanted to branch out, to spread my wings if you'd allow me a singular bird pun. So who did I branch out to?

Another white man in his 30s /aff.

Now I don't remember much of my first few months in Fit's chat, I could probably look back at the vods and see that I was likely a chronic lurker, rarely chatting. But once I'd gotten comfortable and subbed, his chat became like another little comfort nook on the internet for me.

Seeing Fit and Ramón, and how they treated each other was something very healing for me, not to be too parasocial but it definitely mended some of the father issues I had. It's such a joy, to this day, to be in his chat and chill and I'm very glad that I joined at the time that I did and then, as time went on, I genuinely found comfort in just chilling in Fit's chat no matter what the content.

The people I've met, like Shen, Lills and Pen just to name a few, are some of the greatest people that I have the honour of talking to and it's because of the server that I get to do that. I've genuinely made friends in a fandom like I had never before and they're all so cool and talented and I feel like I'm just little old me, you know?

I was introduced to streamers that I'd never heard of, languages that I wouldn't hear in my day to day life outside of the streams and it was so special. I'll never forget the nights I stayed up extra late watching Cellbit play Hollow Knight or live blogging through the Fitpac date. They're all such treasured memories that I hope I'll hold for the rest of my life.

Now because of this server, I have what is probably (outside of my irl friendships) the longest relationship I've ever had. Admittedly that's with the Portuguese Duolingo Owl but eh, 486 days of learning Portuguese after wanting to all my life after not being taught it my own Portuguese dad, is something that I'm proud of. (This is me trying to inject some humour into this slightly sad piece of writing. Is it working?).

This isn't me saying goodbye to the qsmp fandom, I'm still gonna be here being silly and posting angsty posts and fics. It is, afterall, what got me out of a major writing slump. This is more of a see you later to the server (and whatever '2' may mean), I think. There may not be something like what the server was meant to be for a while after everything that happened so I feel like I should give it a little send off, you know?

I didn't really have an idea of where this was meant to go, I was kind of just writing whatever came to mind and how I felt but I'm glad my life is what it is, despite everything that I've gone through. And that couldn't be without the people I've interacted with, talked to and shared thoughts with.

So thank you <3

#just a lil appreciation post for all of my moots and followers <3 #hepbaestus thoguhts #qsmp thoughts #i realise that I've just written more than I have for some of my uni essays and that concerns me a lil bit but eh

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puropoly · 8 months

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Hi!!!

I love your DN art so much, it gives me will to live, it gets me through the day.

I wanna draw like you oh my god you have this storyboard artist kind of style. Effortlessly expressive and dynamic.

Can I worship you? Jk jk (or am I?)

Your A is the best interpretation of this character I have ever seen. I love her.

I have some questions if you have a minute or two 🥺

Can you give me 3 favourite DN fics?

Do you have musical associations for characters (especially B)?

How do you personally feel about L and about Mikami?

What is your favourite food and day of the week?

Please never stop clowning ! 🤡❤️

This is extremely nice of you, thank you !! it's been ages since I've drawn canon DN stuff...

Thank you for the sweet message, I know I still have a long path ahead in terms of improvement as an artist but I value your words immensely as they motivate me to go on now, THE QUESTIONSSss...

Fics I remember killed me on sight

This is how I disappear. (gen) 10/10, work of art, made me sit at the edge of my seat. I recommend everything from this author, definitely DO MIND the tags though! it's dark

If you're into AUs and Lawlight, here's one where Light runs for presidency (Those who stand for nothing fall for anything) and one where he's a cryptid investigator (The forest holds strange creatures), they're both awesome in unique ways. Both are explicit, take that into account

If you're interested in reading different interactions and a very unique twist to the canon events where Naomi is the protagonist, Silent Partner, Unifinished Business is amazing and very suspensey

This one is long, immense, ultra suspensey, with a lot of different characters interacting in interesting ways I never thought before, very lawlight and very explicit, (but I read it all in like 3 days because it caught me BAD and was foaming at the mouth during the entire course of it), also was the founding inspiration to my BB brainrot and design-> Nights

I also made a masterpost of all my favourite meronia (melloxnear) fics back when I was balls deep into it

Finally, my AWESOME friends have made abbie x my BB fics for me back in the days which I treasure with my heart, I feel a bit schoopid sharing them because they're basically my OCs and their story remains a secret but they're beautifully written and. I die. I die everytime I remember they did these for me -> First Christmas (explicit), Stand under my Umbrella (short n funny), Just Another Day (sad and short, based on a comic I did years ago)

ANd also, same author as Silent Partner, wrote Dead Letter Office as a gift to me once, and it melted me into a sugary puddle in the ground

Characters and music

Like every other BB kinnie / stan I have my fair share of associated songs, mostly by style and delusion and very few by actual fitting lyrics lol. But here's what I consider his theme song - and also, I headcanon HARD that he has Danny Elfman's voice

How I feel about L and Mikami

L is special to all of us, love the guy, haven't met a single DN fan who doesn't like L. He's just fun and unapologetic which is what I like about him the most.

Mikami I have a hard time caring about, he's just not my usual type of character at all. He's too rigid for me, although he has his unintentional funny side. I also felt he had no chemistry with any other characters, so that made him less interesting for me

Favourite day and week day

I've been very obsessed with cremonas lately : o]

And my favourite day is saturday now, cause I finally get to have some time for myself to exist!!!!!!!!!!!!! and not work!!!!!!!

#anonymous #AO3 is glitching severely for me and didn't let me see the abbiexBB fics that were made for ME but i guess #its because it's been long since I logged in #anyway thanks for the ask !!!!!!! it's been ages since I interacted with anonymous and have been feeling kinda crappy abt my art #so this was v welcome #have a good sunday #or a happy sunday like we say in my country #death note #fic recs #l lawliet

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allmoshnobrain · 9 months

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 18 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3287 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

His words hit me like a punch in the stomach. I knew Dave wouldn't like the idea of me reconnecting with Cliff, James, and Lars. But I didn't expect him to be so shaken by it. Dave, who had always been kind to me, who had protected me from everything and everyone, was now staring at me like I'd double-crossed him. Actually, it was worse – like he was straight-up disgusted by me.

✦ summary: Amid the hustle and bustle of life in Los Angeles, Nore finds herself torn between her loyalty and love for Dave and the longing she feels for her old life in San Francisco and her friends.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, romance, fluff, angst

✦ a/n: Hello! It took me a while to post this new chapter, I haven't been able to keep a consistent posting schedule lately because I've been real busy but here it is! Apparently Ao3 is down again, so I haven't posted this one there yet, but I will upload the fic there as soon as it's back! A lot happens in this part so I hope you guys like it, feedbacks are always welcome ❤

Life with Dave had settled into a comfortable rhythm, even amidst the constant energy of our bohemian neighborhood. It was eye-opening how my interactions with the boys, particularly Dave, had shaped me since the start of the year. I was taken aback by the reflection in the mirror, where a more mature version of myself stared back; I had chopped off my hair after my birthday, trading long locks for a shoulder-length cut.

The shyness that had accompanied my arrival in San Francisco had been replaced by a quiet resolve. The parties in Los Angeles were far more chaotic than what I was used to, and I quickly needed to adjust myself to the new scene. Despite my denial, I found myself drinking more than ever before and soon started carrying a pocketknife with me wherever I went. Not that I needed to use it, anyway; everyone knew that Dave would be more than ready to pick a fight with anyone who dared to bother me.

Dave's whole idea of jumpstarting a new band wasn't exactly going according to plan. He'd rounded up some friends to jam with since he got back to California, but things hadn't really moved past that point. Plus, they were still on the hunt for a bassist. But all of this was about to change.

I woke up one Monday to this crazy loud music blasting. I squinted, puzzled, as I glanced around and realized I was alone in bed. I scrunched up my face, feeling a throbbing headache creep in — Dave and I had knocked back way more drinks than we should've the day before, so I could tell a killer hangover was looming.

"What. The. FUCK!" I heard Dave's voice shout from the living room. Scrunching up my brows, I dragged myself up to see what the commotion was all about. And then it hit me: the racket I was hearing was some bass guitar being played at full blast. It took me a sec, but I finally caught on to the tune — it was the bassline from "Running With the Devil" by Van Halen.

"Dave, what's the deal?" I managed to say, my voice thick with sleepiness. I noticed him standing by the living room window, his face all riled up. He turned my way, the annoyance softening as his eyes met mine.

"And now the asshole woke up my girl too," he muttered, disgruntled, making his way over to me. He pulled me into a hug, planting kisses on my cheeks and then on my lips, prompting a small chuckle from me. "Hey. Sorry about that. Our new neighbor is a real jerk."

"They're definitely making a statement with that volume," I mumbled, still half in dreamland, my headache not improving with the noise. "Ever thought about just closing the window?"

"I've got a different plan," he said, dropping his voice a notch, easing his grip before stepping back. He picked up an empty beer bottle from the table, and I raised an eyebrow as he leaned against the windowsill, giving the bottle a solid toss towards the window below. "Shut the hell up, already!"

Miraculously, this time, the noise actually stopped. Dave looked at me, letting out a sheepish laugh. I bit my lip, trying to stifle my laughter.

"Damn, Dave. I hope they don't come up here to beat you up."

"They can try," he answered, his laughter low and warm, his arm finding its way around my waist as he planted a kiss on my cheek. "Let's just get back to sleeping."

I didn't bother when he guided me to bed, and we laid down; it was still pretty early. I was almost drifting off to sleep again when a knock on the door disrupted the calm. I opened my eyes, giving a frustrated groan, and Dave mumbled as he got up to answer.

"Hey, know where we can grab smokes?" a guy's voice came from outside.

"There's a store on the corner," Dave replied shortly before closing the door with a thud. He returned to bed soon after, pulling me close in a tight embrace, his face nuzzling my neck.

He had barely settled when there was another knock on the door.

"Fuck off!" he muttered, annoyed, yanking a pillow to cover his head. I got up to answer the door, my headache intensifying, my patience wearing thin.

“Oh, hey,” I was met with a grin from a tall boy, around my age. He had brown hair and was rocking a Kiss t-shirt under a worn leather jacket. His buddy, dressed in a similar style, watched with interest. “Can I talk with your... uh, boyfriend?”

“Uh, he's…” I was gonna say that Dave was sleeping, but he beat me to it. He swung the door open and glared at the two guys, not hiding his annoyance.

“What do you jerks need?”

“Hey,” the guy greeted, not seeming bothered by Dave's standoffish vibe. “So, you old enough to score us some beer?”

I glanced at Dave and caught a hint of a smirk on his face. He still looked annoyed, but the boy's persistence seemed to impress him a bit.

“Well,” Dave said. “You're growing on me, kid. Gimme a sec.”

He snagged his leather jacket, wallet, and keys, giving me a quick goodbye before heading out with the guys. I sighed, pretty sure sleep wasn't coming back to me, and decided to get changed and freshen up.

They rolled back in a while later, arms loaded with crates of beer. Turned out the boy's name was also David — Ellefson — and his friend went by Greg. David was a bit younger than me, and he was the one who had been playing bass at full volume in the morning. Funny thing, Dave seemed to have dropped his earlier annoyance. Actually, as they got talking, it was clear they were getting along really well.

I split for work a few hours later, leaving them chatting and drinking. When I got back home that night, I found Dave more pumped than I'd seen him in ages. He hadn't paid much attention to Greg, but I could tell he had really clicked with David.

"Thinking of roping him into the band," he told me, grin wide. "He's cool, and damn good on that bass. I think this might be it."

I grinned back and agreed. Back then, I had no clue about what lay ahead. No idea this was the inception of Megadeth, the big project that'd define Dave's future. I was just happy to finally see things going well for him. And to finally see him making some new friends — that's exactly what he needed right then.

A few days later, I was fixing up something for lunch before heading to work when my phone rang.

"Hey there, Nore," Cliff's voice chimed in when I picked up, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise. We hadn't talked since my birthday, even though I'd catch up with what they were doing through Leanne once in a blue moon.

"Hey, Cliff. What's up? Why the sudden call?"

"Oh, thanks for the warm welcome," he retorted with a hint of sarcasm. "Can't a cousin catch up anymore?"

A faint blush spread across my cheeks.

"My bad. Of course, you can," I said, secretly relieved that Dave wasn't around. He hadn't exactly been very happy lately when Lars, Cliff, and James were brought up.

“Relax,” he answered, in his usual laid back way. “Actually, I've got an invite for you. We're on tour, and we're swinging back to San Francisco…”

“Hold up a sec, what?” I cut in. “You're on tour? What about the album?”

“Album's out already.”

“And no one bothered to clue me in.”

“Figured you already got the memo.”

“How would I, if you didn't bother giving me one?” I frowned, a bit ticked off. Cliff let out a sigh.

“Fine, my bad. Look, money's been a bit tight, so I couldn't exactly ring you up all the time. But we've got a gig in San Francisco next Saturday. Wanted to see if you'd wanna come.”

I chewed on my lip, pausing for a moment. Of course, I totally wanted to go. Despite the whole mess with the guys after Dave got kicked out, I couldn't deny they were still my friends. More than that – Cliff was family, and it'd been weeks since we saw each other. LA was a whirlwind, but it sure got lonesome at times. But I didn't want to upset Dave about this. Something told me he wouldn't exactly cheer if I said I wanted to hit up a Metallica gig right now.

“Cliff, I'm not sure,” I said. “It's just… Dave…”

“Screw Dave, Nore. You worry too much about him,” he shot back, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "And seriously, everyone's been missing you. Please?”

I sighed. I knew I might get into trouble for this, but how bad could it be? It was just a concert, after all.

"Okay, fine, I'm in. But only 'cause I've been missing you guys," I caved. "So where's this gig gonna happen?"

"At The Stone. Lea's gonna be there too, you can crash at her place if you need."

"I'll hit her up later. Catch you at the gig then?"

"Count on it."

“Missed you,” I mumbled before he hung up, and he chuckled.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Geez, Nore! You look like hell.”

I squinted at Pat, trying to stifle a yawn as I met her blue gaze. Patricia, my co-worker, was the spawn of Roger Anderson, the boss at my new job in a downtown LA record store. She was a bit younger than me, and we clicked fast after realizing we were both crazy about pretty much the same bands. Thanks to work, we'd become good friends over the past two months.

“Hey there, Pat,” I dumped my bag behind the counter. It was early afternoon and I'd just walked in for my shift, but I couldn't wait to get back home; that night had been a difficult one. “Mornin' to you too.”

“Good morning,” Pat greeted, giving me a curious look. “Rough night?”

“Yeah, kinda... a lot on my mind,” I mumbled, seizing the quiet moment with no customers to leaf through a Kerrang! magazine lying on the counter.

“Is this about your boyfriend again? You're always worried about him,” she quipped, heading to the small kitchen in the back. I let out a soft chuckle. “Here you go,” she plunked a coffee mug down in front of me. I closed my eyes for a second, inhaling the rich scent rising from the freshly brewed drink. “To help you wake up.”

“Thanks,” I yawned, taking a sip. She grinned, snagging a chair beside me behind the counter, flipping open the magazine as well.

"He's like, so handsome," Pat swooned, her tone dreamy. I peered above my coffee mug at the magazine she was flipping through; her attention was glued to photos of the Thin Lizzy guitarist. "Think I stand a chance?"

"To find out, you'd need to actually meet the guy," I chuckled. She grumbled, faceplanting onto her crossed arms, then shot me a look with her bright blue eyes.

"So, what's with the insomnia?" she asked. I let out a sigh.

"It's just... You remember Dave was in the same band as my cousin, right?"

"Yeah, and then they booted him out and you got super pissed," she pointed out. I gave a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, that. But now they're coming back to California, and my cousin invited me to catch their next gig. I wanna go, but..."

"You haven't dropped the news on Dave yet?"

I shook my head, thoughtful, draining the last of my coffee.

"He took everything really hard," I mumbled, my voice low. "I'm not even sure if he'll be cool with me wanting to go."

"But you do wanna go, right?" she questioned, stretching her arms before picking up my now-empty mug. "I mean, from what you've shared, you and your cousin are super tight. You shouldn't ditch seeing him just because of your boyfriend. You gotta talk it out with Dave, he'll get it."

I absentmindedly nodded, letting out a sigh. Pat was hitting the nail on the head with that one: I did wanna go. I missed Cliff big time, but it wasn't just that. I missed San Francisco and my friends too. Life with Dave was great, and Los Angeles was a whole new chaotic, bustling universe, but sometimes I also felt kind of lonely.

I just hoped Dave could understand that.

Later, when I finally got back home, I was welcomed by the sound of Dave's guitar as he played. I closed the door, tossed my bag on the couch, and headed into the bedroom. There he was, sitting on the bed, his guitar in his lap, and a half-finished joint chilling in the ashtray on the bedside table.

"Hey there," I greeted, and my smile matched his as he glanced up, his grin growing even bigger at the sight of me. He got up, setting the guitar down, and came my way.

"Hey," he said. I chuckled softly as he wrapped an arm around my waist, planting kisses on my lips and then my neck. "How was your day?"

"Same as usual," I answered, letting out a little giggle as he nuzzled into my neck, pulling me close. "And yours?"

"Same as usual," he pulled away, looking at me with a smile, his eyes flickering to my lips in a way that made my heart race. "Thinking about hitting the shower. You're welcome to join if you're up for it…"

“Oh, um, Dave…” I started, my voice kind of shaky with nerves. If possible, I'd rather handle the whole concert talk with him later. But after Pat's pep talk, I knew if I didn't tackle it now, I'd never get around to it. Dave looked at me, curious. “There's something I wanted to talk about…”

“Huh? Did I mess up or something?” he asked, a smile on his face, though I could sense the worry behind it due to my uncertain tone.

“No, not at all,” I muttered, then took a deep breath. “It's just that... Cliff called a few days ago,” I paused as his brow creased, but there was no going back now. “They're playing a gig in San Francisco. I thought about going…”

Dave's brows knit together, his expression shifting as he sort of pulled away, his gaze fixing on me with a weighty silence. I met his eyes, my heart doing a somersault in my chest. I figured he wouldn't take the news super well, but that wasn't exactly the reception I was hoping for.

“You want to go see Metallica,” he finally spoke up, his voice low and devoid of emotion.

“I want to see Cliff…”

“Oh, not James and Lars?” he quipped, a touch of bitter sarcasm lacing his words.

“Dave…”

“Nore, remember they showed me the exit door? No warning. No second chances. And now you wanna kick it with 'em?” he seemed more incredulous than anything, incredulous and hurt, which only made the situation worse. He shook his head, like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, running a hand through his hair and looking at me, torn between disappointment and anger. “Damn it, Nore. I can't tell if you're being dumb or if you just don't love me anymore.”

I couldn't react, I just stood there in silence as tears welled up in my eyes. This wasn't fair. I had chosen him. I had distanced myself from my cousin and my friends for him. I had stood by him from the beginning. Somehow, I had expected him to be angry, but not like this. Cliff and I would butt heads all the time, sure, but me and Dave? This stung way more than I'd ever figured it could.

“Dave, seriously... This isn't playing fair,” I managed to get out, my voice breaking as a sob hitched a ride on the tears that were falling. I could see it all hit him, the weight of what he'd just said settling in his eyes, a mix of horror and regret. But the moment had passed, the words hung in the air, and now there was no going back. I shook my head as I turned around to leave the apartment.

“Nore. Wait up, Nore!” Dave's voice hurried after me, his grip on my arm pulling me to a halt just before I could duck out completely. I tried to rein in the tears that were breaking through, causing me to sob and tremble. “Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I really didn't…”

“I'm right here with you!” I shot back, my voice shaking like crazy, not as strong as I'd like, but definitely loud enough to make a point. “Fuck, Dave. You think I'm some kinda idiot for wanting to see my friends? I've got no one else – my parents practically booted me, my old Long Beach friends act like I've got the plague.” I edged away, the words tumbling out in a jumble, trying to stem the flood of tears. I looked into his brown eyes and saw them gazing at me, filled with pain. “Metallica was all I fucking had too! Do you want to snatch that away from me? You think I'd be standing here if I didn't love you?”

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice sounding more fragile than I'd ever heard, as he pulled me into a tight embrace. "I'm a fucking idiot. I'm really sorry."

"You're everything I've got too," I murmured, my sobs gradually calming down as I buried my face into his chest. "Just... Please don't make me choose, Dave. I can't, I really can't."

"It's okay. I'm sorry," he soothed, his fingers softly running through my hair, his voice quivering as he held me close against him. "I love you. So damn much. Please, don't leave me. Stay here with me."

"I'm not leaving you," I sniffled, finally managing to get a grip on my tears. He rested his forehead against mine, his pained eyes locking onto mine. "I'm here because I love you. But you've got to trust me, Dave."

"I do trust you, Nore. For real. I'm sorry," he whispered, seeming relieved now that I was starting to calm down. "Of course you can go. You don't need my permission. It's just... I can't face them anymore. I need to be something, Nore. If I fail, if I'm just a loser…”

“Dave, you're not a loser. You're an amazing guitarist, remember? Didn't I tell you that when we first got together?" I cut in, and he let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, and you also mentioned I was really handsome," he quipped, and I laughed, a shaky laugh that still carried the traces of tears. He looked at me for a moment before adding: "I don't think you're dumb, by the way. You're the smartest girl I've ever met."

“You haven’t met many girls, have you?” I mumbled, and he rolled his eyes.

"Hush, Burton," he grumbled before leaning in to kiss me.

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mrsnancywheeler · 1 month

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hiii omg so sorry i haven't been in your inbox! finals have been sweeping me away, but i've been lurking 👁️👁️ ok so i was listening to my playlists and had some #thoughts, so I shall share them to make up for the time i was gone 🤝😎 ----- I Want to Write You a Song - One Direction

I want to lend you my coat One that's as soft as your cheek So when the world is cold You'll have a hiding place you can go I want to lend you my coat Everything I need I get from you Givin' back is all I wanna do (…) I want to write you a song One to make your heart remember me So any time I'm gone You can listen to my voice and sing along I'm such 1D trash 😭😭 But this was on my yearning playlist (lmao) and I was thinking about how Finnick would 1000% write this song for his sweet girl. Like this is such a simp song (respectfully) and we all know Finnick is so in love with her its SICK ----- In Agreement - Lizzy McAlpine I talk to my friends about you Pretty sure they're tired of hearin' it I say "I met a guy, and he treats me real nice" Which is good for a change I talk to my friends about you And I think they agree my exes weren't always great And I don't really buy into fate But you tell me I'm pretty And you don't ask for too much 'Cause you know and I know That promises sometimes can hurt When it's barely begun And I don't want this to fall through Collapsing is what I'm used to But we're all in agreement This is something I should hold onto (another song on my yearning playlist LMAO) but this is very much sweet girl coded #idk bc this is definitely her inner monologue when she first meets Finnick and they start dating 😭😭😭 AND WITH THAT IN MIND, IT MAKES THE LYRIC "'Cause you know and I know that promises sometimes can hurt when it's barely begun, and I don't want this to fall through. Collapsing is what I'm used to" HURTTTT ----- girl i've always been - Olivia Rodrigo *just the entire song*

No like, walk with me here 🚶‍♀️ because this is definitey something that could've been written by Billy's muse HOWEVER, it can be either about Billy OR, OR!! Eddie. Do we see the vision👁️👁️. For Billy, it's written from the pov of a reader who has a lil kick to her, who's done being the doormat and rips into him after he disrespects her and he's all like "???" For Eddie, it's more from the perspective of a reader who is always gonna pick Billy over Eddie. And she told him this many times. Yet, he still pursues her. And yet, he still get's upset that she always picks Billy. His intentions aren't coming from a good place. Like that one blurb you did about Eddie not being a fully good guy, y'know? I'm not good at explaining things so I hope I'm making sense LMAO ----- BACK TO FINNICK AND HIS SWEET GIRL! Block Me Out - Gracie Abrams

Now I only let me down When there's no one else around I've been thinkin' way too loud I wish that I could block me out I wish that I could block me out, out I think I'm burnin' alive, but nobody sees the fire 'Cause when I open my mouth, I seem to be stuck in silence And I thought of leaving tonight, but I couldn't drive this tired Plus, after all of this time, I should be a pretty crier (😭!!) Wish I were heavier now, I'm floating outside my body It's not their fault, but I've found that none of my friends will call me Until I'm left to myself, it's honestly kind of funny How every voice in my head is trying its best to haunt me This is another sweet girl coded song. This could deffo be applied to her after her games and after she's rescued from the Capitol :(((( ----- Finishing off with a bit of Miss Swift, this one part of Delicate reminds me of Finnick's sweet girl in the last couple of chapters: This ain't for the best My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me Where she's finally letting Finn back in and allowing herself to be comfortable with him :') Also, some its and bits of Marjorie also remind me of this fic when I think about it from two perspectives:

The autumn chill that wakes me up You loved the amber skies so much Long limbs and frozen swims You'd always go past where our feet could touch And I complained the whole way there The car ride back and up the stairs I should've asked you questions I should've asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should've kept every grocery store receipt

If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around I know better But I still feel you all around I know better But you're still around

One being Finnick when he's missing the reader while he's in 13 and she's at the Capitol :( (Sometime I remember that part in Chapter 1 of The River where he smells peaches in his oatmeal and starts breaking breaking down, and I cry 🥲) But the other one being the reader thinking about Conway. Even though he tried to kill her, she still reminisces about the best parts of her friendship and can't help but feel the guilt and regret whenever she does. ------ OK HEHE THOSE ARE MY #THOUGHTS 💆‍♀️ I didn't realize how long it's been since i've been in your inbox and it's been WAY TOO LONG! never again 🫡 I love yapping about these things and I love hearing your thoughts about it!! Also, apologies in advance for when Tortured Poets Department comes out bc it'll be the biggest yap session ever once I make a connection between Finnick/Billy and any of the songs -🦅

AAAAAAA POOKIE I CALLED AND YOU CAME ILY 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺💋💋💋💋

(sorry this took so long to get to I get so easily distracted and there's an to get through)

you're all good pookie, I hope finals are going good and that you're taking care of yourself babes 💕

finnick odair the type of man to make you a mixtape that's kinda messy and done wrong but you don't care because he's so sweet and you can hear him talking and all the songs that make him think of you, he's such a simp, and so adorable

justice for finnick's sweet girl. she really had so much hope, felt so loved, so in love and had it all torn away from her. she's so giddy to be perceived by someone especially finnick odair and just addicted to him

billy's muse getting annoyed with eddie and giving daisy some lyrics about eddie instead this time bc she's so done with the way he's always being so sweet and comforting and lovey dovey and then trying to convince her to leave billy for him even though she's told him from the start she wouldn't, and he makes her feel so selfish, and cold for it. but "now you're on my case, how could I go? you never dreamed I'd be so cold and, then with venom on your tounge you ask me who I have become" honestly in this case I think billy would love the song because it validates that she'll always pick him, that eddie, although he's a nusciance, isn't a real threat and never had been.

and eddie gets annoyed for a good while and is pissy about it, which is painful for muse because she feels like she's got no one when her and billy argue. but eddie comes crawling back trying to win her over again regardless of how clear she's made it that he never stood a fighting chance.

SIDE NOTE: this song also makes me think of conway and sweet girl especially in that moment during their games when he's realizing everything and says she's changed which she denies. "so don't say that I've been acting different, I'm nothing if I'm not consistent" "I got wrapped up in the game again and you woke up in an empty bed, and I can't say I'm a perfect ten, but I am the girl I've always been"

aaaaa finnick's sweet girl, my poor tortured baby. the crying, the destructing when left with her thoughts, the death wishes, the silent cries for help that really aren't that silent, I want to hold her so bad

and for delicate, finnick's anxiety about not knowing what's not enough and too much for his sweet girl, where is the line? "is it cool that I said all that? is it chill that you're in my head? cause I know that it's delicate."

finnick thinking about how he should've done more, should have paid more attention even though he has her memorized, that somehow he should have savored every moment with her because he can't bear being without her. and the guilt because he wishes he'd supported her more, helped her heal more, he lies awake thinking about how he should've convinced her that life was worth living, that she was worth it because he has no idea what's happening to her now.

AND her thinking about conway, how she should've really paid attention to each tiny detail of their life before the games, each smile, joke, laugh, every damn moment before she destroyed it all. before snow destroyed it all. and she does see him everywhere and try not to break down, the beach they used to play on, the alleys they used to hide in to chat endlessly, their favorite field, favorite swimming hole, everything and it just makes her grieve.

I LOVE YOU POOKIE AND MISSED YOU 😭😭❤️❤️

SO REAL AND PLEASE SO I'M SO SO EXCITED FOR THE ALBUM AND I'M ALREADY SEARCHING FOR CONNECTIONS (billy and his muse as my boy only breaks his favorite toys, but daddy I love him, I can fix him (no really I can) I can do it with a broken heart)

#wanda 💋#finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair x you #the lakes #finnick odair angst #finnick odair x reader fluff #the river #billy dunne #billy dunne x reader #djats x reader #eddie roundtree #🦅 anon

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calunalilly · 2 months

Text

Questions for Writers

Haven't done one of these ever so... here we go :D Thanks for the tag @riversofmars

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

128

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,815,281

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Last Tango in Halifax

Doctor Who

Happy Valley

Collateral

As long as we have Nicola Walker and/or Sarah Lancashire I'm there!

Some of the others include:

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

These Are The Days Of Our Lives - a series of Last Tango in Halifax fics based on prompts from Tumblr, these were meant to be one shots but found myself weaving it all together int oa bigger story!

The Story - my canon companion to Last Tango - weaving things around the canon with no divergence to make it a love story - this was bloody hard!!!

More Time, More Life, More Feeling - another Last Tango, and probably one of my favourites - I still read this fairly often like a little comfort blanket haha.

The Big L. - my very first outing with Last Tango. I still love this story even though I look back at it and cringe a little giving it was the first thing I ever wrote, but it means a lot to me.

Fall On Me - a collab that I did with @question-of-perception that explores things from a different perspective for Last Tango!

I've actually written far more for DW than LTIH but you wouldn't know it!

5. Do you respond to comments?

Of course! Each and every one, it's so lovely when I get them and I get so excited!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm definitely a happy endings girl and I can't stand it when things don't work out, so this is hard... Maybe

Between the Eyes because it wasn't an immediate resolution?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hahah all of them have happy endings! I would probably have to say

New Day Coming for DW, perhaps, although love the one for What Christmas Means To Me as well. In terms of Last Tango in Halifax, probably The Big L. because I was so determined to give them their happy ending, its fluffy mcfluff.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no, I would definitely cry hahah.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Um. Yes. Probably too much, but its a public service, right? RIGHT?!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes, all the time! My maddest one is probably Call It Dreaming which is a crossover between DW/Last Tango/Happy Valley/Collateral and also has some Stranger Things elements... That was madness, haha.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! Hope it stays that way...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I feel like I'm some kind of co-writing slut, hahaha. Yes. With @riversofmars, @question-of-perception, @mrskeeleyhawes, @meluisart, @pocketofpencils and also with some of the folks over at the Hebden Bridge Discord Server. I really enjoy it!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

It's a close toss up between Caroline Mckenzie Dawson/Gillian Greenwood and Liv Chenka/Helen Sinclair <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmm... I've got a lot of ideas for different things that I make notes on and a few WIPS, but I'm sure I will come back to them eventually!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Maybe dialogue? To be honest I don't really know, I just go for it and hope for the best hahaha.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel that sometimes I fall back on the same language/phrasing for things and I annoy myself, and always think it's super noticeable in my writing!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I have the odd bit where there is a point but otherwise CBA. I don't speak any other languages haha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Last Tango in Halifax.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Whyyyyy do I have to choose just one?! I love More Time, More Life, More Feeling for Last Tango, Interstellar for DW (the middle section is probably, in my head, one of the better bits of writing I've done), Danger Zone because Top Gun AU makes me die, and also Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost with @riversofmars because Lord of the Rings was the first fic that I ever read way back when I was an angsty teen fangirl. Hah.

Tagging some people I think might be interested but anyone who sees this and fancies it, please fell free! @katiedingo @meluisart @ultramassivecollectorcupcakeblr @pocketofpencils @darkbloomiana

#questions #fic writers #fic writing

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doubledyke · 5 months

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hey, i’ve read some of your writing and i really like it. do you have any tips?

aw dude that's really sweet. i'm really self conscious about everything i write so i appreciate hearing that. i'm still learning myself, so my advice is probably gonna be kind of obvious yet nebulous (much like my writing). oh and im not great at following my own advice, but we can ignore that.

first and foremost i'd say try to have fun. get weird with it. don't stress too much about it. it's supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, so write what YOU like, how you like. the "rules" of grammar and composition are helpful, but you're allowed to be a lot more lax with creative writing. i know i am 👀

in my humble opinion, you can never have too many details, even- or especially- oddly specific ones. personal experiences are a great way to inject some minutiae, and i enjoy the insight they provide into the author's perspective, background, thought process, etc.. there are infinite other tools at your disposal too. like the number of times i've found myself browsing ancient, niche forums just to confirm one insignificant bit of information is ridiculous.

don't be afraid to take your story as seriously or unseriously as you want. sometimes i'll be snapped out of focus with the thought of "am i really writing this rn" 😂 but i just try to remind myself that i'm (usually) having fun, i'm not hurting anyone and someone might even enjoy the final product.

for eene, try to listen to the voice acting as much as you watch the animation. and don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone when writing a character. i'm neither comfortable, nor very good at writing for ed, but i nutted up and gave it a shot recently and yeah it's nuclear level cringe but i suppose it can't get any worse, right? RIGHT???.... i love learning new words, so when i'm writing for edd (and in general) you know i keep that thesaurus tab open. with eddy, there's always room for more irreverence. i'm also one of those people that cannot help but drop almost every g when i write eddy. and it's just as important to get their idiolects down, which can be tricky. BUT that's mostly if your goal is to stay close to the source material, which is definitely not necessary. i'm just not a very creative person 😂

if you're in a rut, skip to another section, or hell even another chapter. the fic i'm working on rn was hatched from a simple premise several months ago, so i started at the end and have been building on that. an unconventional starting point can be really helpful when you're struggling to start at all. because i'm me, it's turned into a nightmare beast that i can't seem to contain, but i still have a general idea of where we're going and we'll get there eventually lmfao. to that point, outlines, bullet points, notes, etc. are all very useful.

take breaks, let her sit for a while. i'll write a whole bunch, leave, come back to review and be like girl what the hell is this. fresh eyes make a big difference! however, don't be like me and get too caught up in the weeds. i make compulsive little tweaks of my shit up to the point and even after i hit post. more often than not, it's more stress than it's worth. i just can't help it 🥴

and then of course, read other people's stuff. i'm not much of a fiction reader but i make exceptions for the sake of my hyper-fixation. it truly does help to see different perspectives and styles of writing. everyone has a unique voice that really comes through in creative writing, which i love. i've gleaned a lot from reading other people's work as well. i frequently come across new and creative ideas for changing up sentence structure, dialogue tags and narration by reading stuff from fellow fans.

aaaaaand yeah idk what else really. like i said, i'm not the best at writing but i think as long as you're getting your ideas across in the way that you want to, you're golden. anyone who makes shitty remarks about someone else's writing can sit and spin honestly.

#thank you again for the kind words #i have not even the slightest clue what i'm doing but we're rolling with it ✌️

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halfagone · 7 months

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DID YOU SAY THAT YOU READ WEBTOONS? What uh.... What are your favorites? 👉👈 I'm still trying to wean off reading manga, and the only webtoons I've read are Queen Cecia Wears Knickerbockers and Wayne Family Adventures 😂

Yes, I have read quite a few Webtoons in my day (Why do I sound so old right now?) I have not heard about the Queen Cecia Webtoon, but Wayne Family Adventures is a very good choice, in my totally unbiased opinion. 🤣

If you want more DC Webtoons, then there is Red Hood: Outlaws and there is Zatanna & The Ripper. I haven't caught up with either of them, but if you do love those characters or want to see more from them, I definitely commend checking those out. There was also the Vixen: NYC Webtoon, but unfortunately that one seems to be cancelled now. 🥺

If you're interested in completed Webtoons, then I have a few offerings. I love Siren's Lament, it's a wonderfully complicated Webtoon even if it does hurt my heart sometimes. Gourmet Hound is more of a slice of life with some drama for added effect, but I really did adore that Webtoon that the art was just so cute!! Flow has some incredible worldbuilding mechanics and it's just so tasty. If you want more hero Webtoons, then there's I Don't Want This Kind of Hero, although that one does contain some distressing themes at times so like... beware. And then there is one of my ultimate favorites, which is called Gepetto, which is inspired and based on the Pinocchio tale but more futuristic and dystopian, if that's your fancy.

As for ongoing Webtoons, there's Marry My Husband, which is one of those time travel Webtoons where the MC dies and comes back to life sometime in the past and tries to fix their future. The main story is done, but they do have side stories which have been super cute to read.

There's the ever famous The Remarried Empress, and you'll probably see a lot of references to characters from this Webtoon if you read other Webtoons with a similar premise of- arranged marriage, terrible consort, attractive male lead that is decidedly not the husband, but don't worry he will be.

There is a newer Webtoon called I am the Villain, which is part of the Isekai genre, I would say. It's a beautiful Webtoon, the art is just stunning, and I have no idea what's going on but I'm having a great time.

For more action-based Webtoons, there is Eleceed and if anything happened to my boy Jiwoo I will kill everyone in this room and then myself. And apparently I've done a poor job of that promise because this boy has gone through it, but he still a sweetheart and I love him for that.

There's also the Omniscient Reader, which was actually originally a webnovel called Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, but has since been turned into a manhwa and it's so long but it's so good. I love my sunfish man and ugly squid king (bonus points to anyone who knows that reference).

Here is a Webtoon I have complicated feelings about: Tower of God. This was actually the first ever piece of media I published fanfiction for. It's this really incredible, complex, mind-bending fantasy Webtoon. It is very long, it currently stands at 581 chapters and counting. Unfortunately, the fandom ruined the experience for me, and I pretty much quit all of my fics and that's how I found myself here in the DPxDC fandom! There is an anime for it, currently just Season 1 is out but fingers crossed on Season 2! 🤞But definitely read it first before you watch because the pacing is a little fast for the anime and you don't get that same sweet, sweet tension. I am lucky enough that I do still have one beloved friend that I can talk about Tower of God with, or else I think I probably wouldn't have put it on this list at all.

Eleceed, Omniscient Reader, and Tower of God are all manhwas, which are Korean manga for a shorthand explanation. So if you want to wean yourself off those forms of fiction then... maybe stay away from these because they can suck you in.

Speaking of beloved friend, @midnightenigma recommended to me the Like Wind on a Dry Branch Webtoon, and I am still so upset about it because I will never be the same. 😭 The worldbuilding for this Webtoon is amazing and I adore the slow building romance and plot, and the exploration of grief and just- I am not okay.

I have more things I could recommend but that's... probably as much as I should offer now. lol I hope you find a treat to read from the bunch, though!

#halfagone replies #webtoon recs #never thought i'd get to do this

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truly-hopeless · 6 months

Text

Honest Question About A Fic

So not too long ago, while at work, I was thinking about a story of mine that I haven't updated in almost two years. The story is titled "I Move the Stars For No One," which is a retelling of Rumpelstiltskin with L/Light Yagami as the main ship that I started writing after reading other LawLight fairy tale rewrites, namely eleonoraw's Merman and Totoroto's Snow Moon. It was my first story published to AO3 near the beginning of the pandemic and was my first LawLight fic. It currently sits unfinished at seven chapters (there was an eighth, a scrapped prologue, but I moved it to "The Dead Darling Graveyard" since it had little to do with the story) and was last updated December 2021. While I like parts of the current version (such integrating other fairy tales into the story since I'm a sucker for that kind of thing), I feel dissatisfied with the story for several reasons:

It's taking too long to get to the main conflict of the story (Beyond disrupting Light and L's arrangement and the two needing to find a way to stop that from happening) even without the long hiatuses and that smaller conflicts (L hiding he's a goblin from Light, Light feeling conflicted about what to do now that he's not going to be executed, and Misa's jealousy) are getting resolved too easily.

The story barely resembles Rumplestiltskin at all. Sure, it was always going to be a different story from the original fairy tale since the protagonists' identities and circumstances that make them desperate enough to ask a magical stranger for help and who they fall in love with are not the same (while the miller's daughter can definitely do better than the greedy king demanding she spin straw into gold on pain of death, never in a million years is she going to consider the man who demands she hand over her baby [presumably to eat it] in exchange for his help marriage material unless there is serious tweaking done to his character), it still feels off.

The main characters feel out of character. Light and L became too familiar too fast (even for a ship fic) and there's no real tension after L's deception is revealed and Light forgives him (too easily, I feel). And while I don't necessarily want to vilify Misa to add conflict (especially since I just complained about how awful the king in the original fairy tale was), she should be a little more unwilling to share Light with L (even if she is the one that gets to marry him) and push back more.

I just hate the title. It was taken from lyrics of a song from Labyrinth, but outside of L being the King of Goblins in this story and the memory-wiping peaches there's nothing in common with Labyrinth either; it could have been, if I wasn't afraid of adding more conflict and making L more dark grey when it comes to morality, but that wasn't what I wrote.

So I'm thinking about rewriting the story, to make it more in line with both the original fairy tale and in the spirit of LawLight. But that comes with it's own problems:

If you've been following me for any amount of time, you'll know that I'm not the most consistent when it comes to updating my stories; it could be anywhere between a week to four months to a whole year before I update something due to a combination of burnout, stress when I think about how I'm almost thirty and nothing in my life is coming together, and being distracted by other story ideas. Speaking of...

I have too much shit going on as is when it comes to writing. I was tagged for that WIP ask game a few weeks ago, where I had to list out all the stuff I've been working on. The list has 31 drafts and I found out today that I still forgot to list a couple (not going back to change it now) and then there are ideas that play out in my head during work or when I'm trying to sleep that I haven't brought myself to write down because I am trying to keep the new WIPs to a minimum.

I have yet to finish a long story (I have the same problem as the protagonist from Dave Made a Maze: I start all these projects, but never finish them) and will feel slightly guilty for abandoning yet another one, even if it's for the sake of a rewrite instead of abandoning it altogether and trying to forget they exist like the stories on my FFN account.

So what should I do?

#fanfiction #lawlight #fairy tale retelling #rumplestiltskin #tumblr polls #writing #death note #fantasy

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theladyofbloodshed · 6 months

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Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

#anon asks #a long ramble as always

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phantomtwitch · 8 months

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Congrats on finishing Echoes!!!!!!!

Do you have tips on writing such a long fic? How much planning did you do ?

Ahhh, thank you!!!!

For finishing such a long fic, I have some suggestions, but I think like a lot of writing advice it's a very "your mileage will vary" depending on your own processes. Long and honestly kind of rambling answer (and some mild spoilers for Echoes) below the cut:

So in terms of planning, I'm not really much of a planner to be honest. I know plenty of authors that will do detailed outlines, map out scenes, and then proceed to write each scene or chapter in a very structured way. It works for them, and it's worth a try if you haven't done it before, but I've found it just doesn't suit my general style.

My outline was a lot vaguer. I had basic concepts ideas I wanted to explore - No One Knows AU, Hazmat AU, Danny being friends with the ghosts as Fenton despite being hated as Phantom, and an identity reveal. My basic structure at the start was split into four parts, with each part highlighting a different reveal with different people in his life, but after finishing the first one with Valerie, I found that while it worked okay as a standalone, as a long fic it just . . . didn't. When I started doing the next part, it felt too repetitive and too much like the exact same thing with just the person swapped out, so even though I liked that first bit overall, I scrapped it in favor of trying to do something else because I still wanted to get to that end point where his family and friends all knew the truth.

So instead I tried to think about what could bring some of these people together to kind of discover some things in tandem instead of separately (hence the possession bit I came up with, which wasn't part of my original concept), and then from there the second part felt really natural as I realized I had to deal with the fallout from what happened there and it allowed me to bring the Fenton parents in more, too. I knew the last part was always going to end with my interpretation of Reign Storm, so it mostly became a question of how to get there in the context of the themes that started to develop as I wrote (namely around forgiveness, trust, hope, etc).

Dividing it into three parts with a different focus that still supported the overall story and character arcs helped a ton. Not getting too fixated on editing as I went along was also a big, important piece, since that's something I've struggled with intensely in the past. I want things to be perfect, and part of finishing this meant accepting that it wouldn't be and that it was okay and that, in all honesty, some of the things that make it imperfect are part of what makes it so near and dear to my heart.

(I will say, though, that I definitely indulged that impulse to go back and edit occasionally, since it helped refresh my memory as I wrote and scratch that itch. It was just important not to fall into a trap of only doing that instead of writing, too).

I tried to do a few scenes out of order, but found that never worked for me, I think in part because I was figuring out a lot of things as I went along. I'll still, occasionally, write out the bit in a fic that I really, really want on the page if I feel like I can't continue writing without getting it out first, but that version of it virtually never ends up in the final piece.

Other things that were important for me . . .

Finishing the fic before I posted it. Other folks can write and post as they go. I can't. I don't usually figure out everything until I'm basically done, and at that point I need to go back and rewrite and add bits to make the whole thing work. I think some of the chapters I didn't have in the first solid draft of my finished fic would surprise people. The unfinished fics on my old FFN profile are a testament to this - there's more than one I stopped there because I wrote myself into a corner I couldn't figure out how to get out of, or took on something that was way too ambitious or went in a direction I found I ultimately didn't want to go.

It also helped me avoid feeling that intense pressure of not wanting to disappoint people that were reading. Like, that was still there, but because the fic was functionally done, it didn't impact my ability to finish writing it, if that makes sense, and instead really impacted how I approached editing it instead.

But posting with space between the chapters mattered, too, since it allowed me to read people's comments which sometimes brought up things I hadn't considered and that I occasionally (but not always) worked into the fic later. One of the comments from dp-marvel 94, I think, had a huge impact on me when it came to how I approached the epilogue. While some parts of the epilogue didn't change much from my initial draft, a not so small part did, and I am much, much happier for the change since it really helped to tie up Danny's character growth and some of the themes I'd written into the fic.

(I suspect a beta-reader could have helped with that, but I was too anxious/terrified to ask anyone to be honest even as I knew it would probably make the fic better).

I also let my fic sit for like a month after I finished it without touching it, and then I went back and reread the entire thing, which helped me realize what I was missing, things I should added, deleted bits that I should also put back in (I never, ever permanently delete anything I write. I have a ton of documents that are an absolutely bonkers amount of pages full of stuff I deleted, if only because sometimes I realize that there are bits of those things that can be salvaged or worked in later).

And honestly? I just type fast. That's not terribly helpful advice and I know it, but it means I can indulge a lot of the vague ideas/thoughts I have without feeling like it's setting me back much since I can easily write a few thousand words in an hour.

Really, though, it's thinking about what you want to do with the fic and pushing through the anxiety/fear/perfectionism or whatever other thing is stopping you from finishing, and picking an idea that you love enough that you want to see it through to the end despite the blood, sweat, and tears you'll be pouring into it.

#my writing #fanfic #danny phantom #asks #i'm not sure this answer was helpful lol #maybe????#but it's the best i got with my mind half-functioning while still feeling pretty cruddy #physically cruddy not like emotionally

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