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rei-caldombra · 4 months

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Yubisaki to Renren - Anime First Impressions Review

This review is based off the first 3 episodes of the anime and does contain spoilers. Please be aware that I have not read the manga and am not spoiled.

It's been a while since I've watched a proper Shoujo romance anime. It's not the most common anime/manga demographic for me to check out but I have watched or read quite a few of them over the years and have loved most of them. Some of my favorites are Ore Monogotari!!, Kimi ni Todoke, and Ouran High School Host Club. As of now Yubisaki to Renren absolutely has the potential to be one of my favorites. I'm loving this show!

I really enjoy learning about the experiences of different people and am not super knowledgeable in the life experiences of deaf people. I am glad we are seeing more anime like this and Ranking of Kings that help enrich people's perspectives on disabilities. To me this show is incredibly engrossing and informative towards the deaf experience. In the first 3 episodes we have already gotten so much rich characterization and details into Yuki and her experience as a deaf and mute person. It brings up a lot of detail surrounding basic interaction as a deaf person. Such as how things that could are normal and inoffensive between friends like going up to someone from behind could have a different impact on someone deaf like Yuki. Her having that feeling that people are talking about her, even if she is not reading lips or was communicated.

I have to imagine this is a relatable feeling. Most people seem to be able to pick up on that type of thing to an extent, but I imagine people with disabilities like deafness are more receptive to it. Likely out of getting more attention towards them for being different and feeling excluded. Her wondering how Rin asked for his number and having trouble doing it is very sad, because she is unable to approach it in the same manner. It's great seeing how she goes about tackling problems differently. I appreciate them bringing up how she has hearing aids but still can’t hear. I was wondering about that as I figured you would not bother to wear them if they weren’t working, but I can see how there is still value in it even if Yuki only hears noises she cannot properly understand. I imagine there could be emotional reasons for wanting to wear them as well as well. I also did not know there were separate schools dedicated to teaching the deaf and hard of hearing. I had really only thought of individual tutoring, but it makes sense proper institutions dedicated to it exist. These would provide much higher quality of education to those hard of hearing, but it’s also understandable that it would make someone feel like they are in a protective bubble. Which is how Yuki felt. Another informative detail I like is how one girl in the deaf school called to Yuki verbally, reminding the viewers that there are varieties of deafness. Some have the capacity to speak clearly, some do to the best of their ability, and some like Yuki cannot or choose not to speak at all. It’s easy for people to stick to a simple idea of disabled people, so it’s great that this show is addressing the complexities of the condition. It’s especially great that it accomplishes this by showing rather than telling. I also like when Yuki brings up how the way people sign conveys emotion outside of the words being signed. It’s very cool to learn about how body language also comes through with signing. I had not properly thought about how signing would show bodily expressions the same as any other bodily movement until I saw it here. Such as how Oushi’s signing is aggressive while Itsuomi’s is soft. Yuki can read into someone’s personality based on how they sign. Just within these first few episodes this anime is filled with rich detail that get help you understand Yuki's experiences and empathize with her. It strongly succeeds in engrossing you in Yuki's world. All of these glimpses into how deaf people communicate and intake information is very informative and interesting. This on top of the sweet nature of the show makes it a lot denser than a traditional romance. I'm greatly looking forward to learning more about the life experiences of deaf people through this show.

I also think a strength here is that it takes the experiences of deafness with great care while also using it for jokes. I like the simple miscommunication humor of her not reading lips perfectly leading to her taking something the wrong way. This fits very well and is great for adding comedy in between the dialogue.

The romance side of things is also starting off strong. Itsuomi has me swooning over here with his smooth moves.

I can see the chemistry between these characters already. Both of them are people who desire to gain new experiences. Expanding your world seems like it is a central theme of the show. I really enjoy these early interactions. They feel fairly natural, being awkward in a way that doesn't feel forced or strange. It is natural for him to not know exactly how he should act around her, where it doesn't come across as negative when he acts how he normally does. I like seeing characters' dynamics and feelings toward each other grow. They are still feeling each other out and going with the flow. This really encapsulates the early stages of falling for someone. And these interactions are just so sweet. I love Itsuomi's personality of being very curious. Just within the first few episodes I can tell he has a lot to him and really like him. The fact that he head pets her too makes this feel even more like it was made for me. Watching these episodes really warmed my heart. I'm very interested in seeing the overarching theme of expanding your world be explored as the story continues.

I also really like the other two main characters so far, Oushi and Rin. Oushi seems like he will be the rough person who acts out of strong care. I like his interactions with Yuki, their catty rapport being funny while laying the groundwork of his overprotective behavior having the effect of being demeaning. I like this set up so far, feeling positive that there will be good execution for this issue. Rin feels like a good supportive friend. Her also having a crush at the same time as Yuki adds a lot to their interactions and gives her more to do than just be a wingwoman. I look forward to seeing how her relationships develop and if each of their crushes will cause any conflicts with each other in the future.

From my perspective the anime production seems to be very respectful and taking great care to portray the manga as great as possible. This is primarily shown through the animation quality for the signing. It comes across very smooth and has the finer movements portrayed well. Stiff animation would greatly harm the signing coming across properly in animation. I cannot speak for any removed or added detail compared to the manga, but I feel that the production truly believes in the importance of the visuals. And this elevates the show greatly.

I hope this show continues to be a sweet romance while getting into the serious issues it is setting up. I hope we get a lot of great growth for these characters and for the character interactions to continue feeling natural, rather than leading to forced melodrama. At the very least if it continues to be rich and enlightening, I will continue to love this show. Thanks for reading! I hope I talked about this topic well, please let me know if I came across negatively at all.

#anime #review #winter 2024 anime #blog #yubisaki to renren #a sign of affection

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sshbpodcast · 5 months

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Character Spotlight: Deanna Troi

By Ames

I’m sensing excitement for our new character spotlight blogpost. That can only mean one thing: the Enterprise’s resident Betazoid is here to do her empath thing, and frequently not much else. We’re big defenders of Marina Sirtis here on A Star to Steer Her By, though we don’t always feel the same way about how the writers developed her character – or more frequently, how they failed to do so at any given opportunity.

When you give Deanna Troi something to do, she super nails it, and we’ve got the examples to prove it! On the flip side, we’ve also got plenty of times she missed the mark by a few lightyears. It’s like people in the 90s had no idea how to write about mental health. Or write for women in something other than some kind of sexual peril. Or sometimes just write for women at all. So plop down on the counselor’s couch as you read our best and worst Troi moments below and sense our emotions about them over on this week’s podcast episode (discussion starts at 1:09:34). Tell us how that makes you feel…

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

You can’t hide the emptiness from me Let’s start things off with Troi actually doing her job as a counselor as she occasionally does throughout the series, and she even uses some of her Betazoid empathy when she psychoanalyzes Armus in “Skin of Evil.” It’s compelling to watch her deduce his whole deal, and use her skills to find a way to distract him with his own rage and allow for her escape.

What’s under the words is what’s important We also remember shipping her and Riva from “Loud as a Whisper” like whoa. The two had natural chemistry and he kicked off a whole string of random mediators whom Troi got down with. But Riva definitely proved to be the best as he and Troi showed us that finding ways to communicate form the basis of any kind of relationship – personal, cultural, or otherwise.

Can I borrow a feeling? Here’s one more great example of Troi actually using her empathy to some purpose. Now don’t get me wrong, “Shades of Grey” is a pretty pointless and boring episode for the most part, but even I have to admit that watching Troi sensing Riker’s emotions was a good touch for her character, and her connection with her imzadi was pretty palpable in this sloggy clipshow.

Eyes in the dark Oh boy, another pretty terrible episode that actually has some quality Troi moments. It’s no wonder her character doesn’t usually get the credit she deserves: whenever she’s actually doing something noteworthy it’s in the lousy episodes that people just want to forget. But in “Night Terrors” she saves the day by figuring out the nightmare puzzle and getting a much deserved nap.

Why do you have to be so nice? Upsettingly, in the same style as the sexy characters like Seven of Nine and T’Pol, Deanna seems to mostly get used on the show to get mindraped a lot or otherwise treated as a plaything for men (and that includes men in the audience for whom her terrible jumpsuit was definitely crafted). So it makes me shout for joy when she beats the hell out of Jev in “Violations” because both he and the writers deserved that.

You will take orders from me and no one else The tippy top of anyone’s Troi list should be her amazing performance in “Face of the Enemy.” This was one of our highlights of all of TNG since everyone and their second foremother has been underestimating Troi this whole dang time. So to watch her infiltrate a Romulan ship, pass herself off as a Tal Shiar operative, and save the defectors without blowing her cover was as surprising as it was engrossing. It makes you wish they had written her like this all along.

Bad thoughts, they hurt her We’ll talk more fully about Lwaxana another day (definitely make sure you’re following this page for that!), but Deanna’s relationship with her mother is still one of love and admiration despite how much their personalities clash. Which is why it’s so lovely in “Dark Page” for us to see Deanna go into her mother’s mind to help her through reliving the trauma of losing her first child, Kestra Troi.

I’d read two chapters Another good gal relationship we don’t see nearly enough of in the show is the Troi-Crusher friendship. It’s always nice to see the two lady characters of the show interacting and [sometimes] passing the Bechdel test, but specifically we actually have to shout out to the progressive moments of “Sub Rosa” that actually discuss female pleasure in a positive way. Get it, girls!

Everyone orders Geordi to his death eventually A couple more from season seven, when Troi finally seems to have hit some kind of stride and developed as a character, even going so far as to take the command test! It’s in “Thine Own Self” that she proves she has what it takes to officially be put into the command rotation when she orders a simulation of Geordi to his death. After our La Forge spotlight, we all kinda wanted it.

I’m sensing horniness Caitlin also wanted to make sure to appease the Troi-Worf shippers out there. There may not be many of you, but you’ve got some solid foundation after we saw this unusual couple give it the old college try starting in “Eye of the Beholder.” We’ve got to admit: it was an interesting pairing of the Klingon who had a lot of emotions and the Betazoid who could sense them.

I’m a leaf on the wind Many people would put crashing the Enterprise in Generations on their Worst Moments list, but not us! Frankly, that thing was going down no matter who was in charge, and we’ve got to give Troi a lot of credit that she landed that saucer as safely as anyone could. Normally, splatting into a planet surface would yield no survivors, but pretty much everyone walked away thanks to her!

Have you tried plexing? We see Troi do the impossible and actually help Barclay through therapy in episodes like “Hollow Pursuits” and “Realm of Fear” even though she has every right to not work with someone who was diddling her likeness in the holodeck. But she stuck with it, even into Voyager episodes like “Pathfinder” and “Inside Man.” Give it up for the Goddess of Empathy.

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Worst moments

Wouldn’t you rather be alone with me? With me in your mind? Another week, another “The Naked Now” reference. We’ve said it before: it’s so disgusting for all the female characters to just get horny while they’re spacedrunk, while all the male characters have a variety of drunken behaviors. Sadly, Troi is relegated to swooning all over Riker while she’s infected with the polywater virus, and we’re pretty done with it.

When I snap my fingers, you will bark like an Antican So frequently I can’t tell if Troi is practicing legitimate psychiatry, some made-up future psychiatry, or just what writers from the 90s thought psychiatry entailed. But episodes like “Lonely Among Us” give me the impression it’s the latter when suddenly Troi is doing some kind of hypnosis thing on Worf and Crusher after they’d been possessed by some random entity. Cluck cluck cluck.

Turn off your beam into my soul A small factor that I have to give Troi a little bit of guff about is when she tries to force counseling onto Stubbs in “Evolution.” An allegedly trained counselor should know that it can be harmful and even dangerous to therapize someone who does not consent to it, and it actually made me a little uncomfortable to watch. Leave this man to his mental baseball games, lady.

You’re unusually limber this morning In a reminder that the writers of this show have no idea how to write for women, we get this utterly embarrassing aerobics scene from “The Price.” Sure, the ladies can talk about boys if they want to if that’s what they’re into, but it’s so obvious that they’re in these skimpy leotards just to appeal to the adolescent boys in the audience and for absolutely no other reason. Gross.

It’s more than just letting them cry on your shoulder Troi spends most of “The Loss” literally going through the stages of grief over her empath powers, and I guess her favorite stage was pissiness since she just camped out there and bitched at everyone she interacted with. And then Guinan so smoothly schools her on counseling that Troi hits rock bottom hard enough to come around the other side again somehow.

The chain of command is the chain I go get and beat you with... “Disaster” could have gone on both lists because Troi does end up being right in the end, but it’s going here partly to make room for other examples above and partly because Troi was so out of her depth trying to lead during a crisis. In reality, her move was the wrong move, as she learns later in the afore-mentioned “Thine Own Self” which teaches her the correct move was to kill Geordi!

I never met a chocolate I didn’t like For some strange reason, the writers decided that one of very few character traits that define Deanna Troi other than being an empath (in case you forgot) is that she’s obsessed with chocolate. And in “The Game” we practically get to watch her orgasm over a chocolate sundae in a fully out-of-place scene that just reminds us that the writers rarely knew what to do with her.

If it looks like an android and quacks like an android… The writers also frequently had no idea how to write for Troi when she was supposed to be doing her counselor job too! In fact, in “Hero Worship” she pawns off a kid clearly suffering from post-traumatic stress on an entirely unqualified and ill-suited Data, whose ability to relate to people is questionable at best. There’s a reason we never hear from Timothy again…

Sign here, here, and here More terrible counseling comes in “Cost of Living.” I have to give Worf credit for going to Troi for help with his brat son, but the advice Troi gives them to write up a parent-child contract is perplexing! Alexander is a child, somewhere between two and twelve years old (who can tell with Klingons?). Treating him like a contractor is so impersonal that it surprised me coming out of her.

But forward we look and forward we go The will-they-won’t-they thing between Troi and Riker was always frustrating, since they need to both remain single so they can woohoo random aliens. So it actually seems like the perfect answer to Troiker shippers (is that the right portmanteau?) when Tom Riker shows up in “Second Chances” and Troi blows it. How she said no to that man I’ll never understand.

And have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up As we’ve said a bunch of times now in these character spotlight posts, the attempts at comedy in Insurrection very rarely land. And one of the most groan-inducing moments is when Troi remarks on her newly perky tits because of the effects of the Ba’ku planet, which just goes to remind us that she was first and foremost meant to be a sexual object for the fans to ogle.

I never kissed you with a beard before On the subject of dumb jokes from Insurrection, we have to complain again, even though we already covered it in the Riker spotlight, about Troi shaving off his beard because they were suddenly acting like horny teenagers again. And shame on her for acting like kissing a man with a beard is yucky! I can tell you from experience it’s the way to go.

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Our therapy session is now over, so make sure you’re keeping up with our weekly appointments as we have more TNG crewmembers to analyze next time! We hope you’re also slogging through Enterprise with us over on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast, telling us how you feel over on Facebook and Twitter, and doing your plexing exercises whenever you’re stressed out.

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iamacolor · 2 years

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i am once again very annoyed they cut youngwoo's scenes. she opened up to junho after the miscommunication and then... they cut it to give us more non communication!? like you expect me to think after she told him that, he left and nothing got resolved that night? PLEASE. next day shes looking at him through her window and they obviously didnt get anywhere like what? i was like "finally he went straight to the point" when they finally got a chance to talk and NOTHING ADVANCED. im very annoyed. they're 2521 this. they're making such a mess. i know theres a second season but if you cant finish the first one on a decent note then?? all the characters have weird ass stories. suyeon trying to get with minwoo after he was doing something to impress her for 5 secs? where was your fierce stand before? u had standards like junho but go for minwoo? girl pls. i miss attorney jung. he was the highlight of this ep tbh ;-; him and youngwoo together > then adding more shit to the sumi line with her son being the hacker?? like i thought i was gonna breathe at least for the season finale (before we knew there was a second season) imagine going into tmrw thinking the series was gonna end there i would go crazy but i already am. the show went from a super high to somehow being very inconsistent in the last eps... like at this rate they'll beat 2521 for sloppy writing :/

I share that sentiment anon ! I was so annoyed when they cut that scene because it's just nonsensical to cut a conversation there??? and it means it doesn't really serve a purpose because yes junho knows why she doesn't want to keep going with him but he didn't even get to respond to it and her to him? what's the point if she keeps on thinking she's incapable of making someone happy??? and no one has this kind of conversation and then just walks away from each other djflsgdkq honestly this scene didn't make feel like we, the viewers, were really taken seriously because it's such a cheap trick to keep on dragging a plot tjat I can't take it as the characters' behaviour when they still haven't resolved their issues because it's so obviously not based on how their actually function

as for sooyeon... what are they trying to achieve with her? @kdramedies has written several good points about how sooyeon behaves with youngwoo and how the show didn't actually make her go that far in her evolution regarding her ableism so now we get her falling for minwoo and her agreeing with him over youngwoo's "privilege" and it's like oh ok so who's actually on youngwoo's side ? and at this point it seems like it's only attorney jung whose relationship with youngwoo is a delight to watch and definitely the most well developed one in the show lol

the fact that they added the brother at the last minute omg I still don't really know if they wrote this season knowing there would be a second season or not (and i guess I'll find out based on how ep16 ends lol) , if they did know about it I guess it makes sense to add him even towards the end but they're still not fully sure they'll be able to make a second season happen with everyone it seems so why not try to wrap season 1 properly without adding too much first... no matter what it's going to make this finale so rushed and full of so many plot points I'm dizzy thinking about everything lol inconsistent is a good word for this show

also personally I didn't find 2521 that sloppy in its writing? aside from how the juxtaposition of the past and the present were kind of weird and how the pacing between heedo's high-school days and her days as an athlete was unbalanced so the heedo-yi rim romance was rushed but tbh I don't remember much because I wasn't that engrossed by it so I can't really compare both shows, they just seem too different to me

#extraordinary attorney woo #anonymous #I've got mail

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dark-muse-iris · 1 year

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Also, the dreaded "There's still time!" When it comes to children 😒 There's also plenty of time for these people to mind their fuckin business but they can't do that when it comes to AFAB's bodies. I can personally thank you for me even having the idea that one can be childfree and happy, because beforehand not having kids wasn't even a thought, it was just a "it'll happen when it'll happen" and now I never ever want it to happen 😂 mainly the only reason I use FB anymore is for memes, my kinky bdsm groups, weed groups and childfree groups which is so much better than dealing with my family and high school level drama of old friends. So while I do believe there are internet communities that do nuture interests and are healthy, they are indeed far and few inbetween.

Here's to hoping that your new team is the sort of people that listen and appreciate you and your input/what you offer to your field.

Are there any newer groups or solo artists that have caught your attention recently? I mostly cycle through the playlists that Spotify recommends, which does offer some variety and lately I am seeing more Dreamcatcher on there (finally some more recognition for those beautiful and talented ladies) but I always love seeing what other people are listening to right now.

FB has been deactivated for me for a long while. I got tired of people back home shouting Bible verses online like the rest of us weren’t obeying hard enough. There’s a lot I could say about those communities and their bullshit of late, but I’ll spare the blog. In any case, I’ve had to take some very extreme countermeasures to protect myself and my friends/family thanks to churchgoers in my area not minding their business. And that’s taken a lot of my free time I otherwise would have spent writing stories.

My online community time has mostly be scattered among different interests on Twitter where there was more interaction until recently. I’m in a handful of Discord communities too, but only on a part-time basis because they’re very much like group chats where drama can escalate quickly. I’d like to be more active here but so many people have left, I’m not sure which direction to go. “If I posted writings again, would anyone give a shit?” is a question I’ve grappled with a lot. Writing can be fun and easy, but sharing that writing involves more upkeep and steps and I’m not sure the trade-off would be worth it, if that makes sense.

I miss having people to talk to about k-pop. Most of my k-pop friends are only talking about their personal crises now, or other interests/milestones I may not share, so I shifted my focus with most of them and stayed thankful I still have most of my friends to begin with. I haven’t been super engrossed in 4th gen music lately because I’ve been listening to a lot of old rock from my goth teen years to get through work lollll BUT I really like NewJeans! I’ve played a lot of their songs on repeat because they had sounds that I remember (and sorely missed) from late 90s/early 2000s R&B in the U.S. That’s a really specific reason to enjoy a group, but I told every k-pop stan I knew over age 30 about Attention when it first came out.

Other than that, I’m planning a year-end stages binge alone on my couch soon. I’ll probably be drunk for that and missing my old friends who won’t be there to wheeze with me in person. With any luck, I’ll get a few notes for some stories or forget the year I’ve had for a few hours of bliss.

Nice hearing from you again! I hope you have a wonderful new year!

#iris answers

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sky-berrie · 3 years

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Goodnight - Damian

Summary: Damian pays you a visit at night ft. the one bed trope.

It was a typical eerie night in Gotham and as usual, you spent it alone in your room. You were completely engrossed in the murder documentary streaming on your laptop, the game of Tetris on your cell phone, and the barbeque potato chips you were shoving into your mouth. You were so unaware of your surroundings that you jumped right out of your seat and yelped when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Relax, Y/N,” said Damian, casually. “It is only me.” He was dressed in his Robin uniform. It was clean which meant that he was probably unharmed.

You scowled at him as your felt your heart beat wildly against your ribcage. Your eyes traveled to the open window. You were certain that you had secured the latch, added the anti-lift bar and activated the alarm not twenty minutes ago. Your newfound interest in murder mysteries kept you awake a night, so you amped up your security to give yourself some peace of mind. It should have been impossible for anyone to break in, but here Damian was, standing inside your apartment bedroom.

“Stop abusing your power like that,” you scolded.

“Stop leaving yourself vulnerable,” he countered, without missing a beat.

“I didn’t! Did you not see the steel bar and alarm?” you said with indignation. You had to wonder how he managed to slip in. In another life, he could be a magician, you thought.

“Indeed, I did notice,” he said. “It is quite the cute little system you have.” His smirk was as condescending as ever.

You rolled your eyes and huffed. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of getting a big reaction out of you.

Damian’s expression softened. “I am glad that you installed that, though. Now I do not have to worry so much about you when I am away.”

You had no idea how to formulate a response to a comment that was not an insult or sarcasm. You awkwardly changed the subject instead, “So… you need something or…?”

Damian looked at you expectantly as if he was waiting for you to continue. “Do not end your sentence with a conjunction,” he chastised you. “Proper grammar is imperative for effective communication.” You rolled your eyes again. Sometimes he was insufferable.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said. And sometimes he was almost sweet.

His gloved finger gently tipped your face upwards so he could inspect it thoroughly. You found his concern rather considerate until he opened his mouth again. Damian’s face contorted into an expression of disgust before he said, “You are beginning to look like Drake.” Although Tim was very attractive, you knew how Damian felt about his adoptive brother. His statement was not to be mistaken as a compliment.

You pulled away and rolled your eyes again. “Got it. You came here to annoy me. Mission accomplished. You ready to leave now?” You pointed to the window.

“I am being serious, Y/N, you look unwell…” He looked around your desk space with a horrified expression. “And I can see why. When was the last time you slept?”

“Uh,” you blew a raspberry as you thought about it. “Yester…today?” you said, but it came out as a question. Damian looked unimpressed. “No, today. Definitely today,” you stated with more confidence.

You could tell Damian didn’t buy it. “What day is it today?” he challenged.

Your eyes roamed around the room in search of clues. The date and time weren’t visible on your electronics. You took a stab in the dark. “Saturday.”

Damian crossed his arms over his chest. “It is Sunday night.”

“Oh…” you pursed your lips sheepishly. Sometimes the days blurred together.

“That is it,” he said with finality. He closed your laptop. “You are banned from watching murder mysteries videos at night.” He went for your phone next. He raised it up for you to see your game of Tetris disappearing as he powered it off. “I am confiscating your phone every evening from now on.”

“What?” you whined, lunging out for your phone. Damian tucked it away and out of reach in the inner pocket of his uniform.

“You are getting time limits. Blue light disrupts your circadian rhythm - no laptop or phone after 10 pm.” He grabbed the crinkly chip bag. “And these, well, you really should not eat these ever. Do you know how much sodium is in this bag? Your arteries will know.” He tossed the half-empty bag into the trash can beside your desk.

“No!” You protested. He had no right to order you around.

“Yes,” he asserted. You watched him fluff up your pillows, tuck the sheets firmly under the mattress, and smooth out the bed spread. “You are going to bed now. Get in.” He lifted the covers for you.

“Yeah, no thanks,” you chuckled humourlessly. You just wanted to finish watching the unsolved mystery of the Gruesome Gotham Murders of 1902 and be so terrified that you can’t sleep for the next three days.

“Y/N,” he said sternly, indicating that he wasn’t in the mood for an argument.

“Fine,” you grumbled. You knew Damian was stubborn and wouldn’t take no for an answer. You figured that you would get in bed to appease him and get rid of him, then you could resume watching your video.

You stomped extra loudly across your room to make a point. You huffed loudly as you crawled into bed. He pulled the covers up to your chin and tucked you in as if you were a little kid.

“Good night,” said Damian.

“Yeah, bye,” you replied impatiently.

Your eyes following Damian as he flicked off your lamp. Once your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you realized that Damian was taking off his Robin uniform. He stripped down to his undershirt and hung the tunic over the back of your chair before sitting down. “What are you doing?” you asked, raising yourself up on your forearms.

“I am going to stay,” he said, like it was the most normal sentence in the entire world.

“Um, come again?”

“I know you are afraid to go to sleep, so I will stay and make sure you feel safe… even though it is self inflicted fear and I ought to leave you so you learn your lesson. I do not know why you insist on watching murder mysteries knowing that you are going to be frightened.”

“While that’s a very nice offer, it’s also super unnecessary. I’m okay,” you lied. You couldn’t let him stay overnight in your chair just because you had an overactive imagination.

Damian raised a hand to silence your argument. “It is not up for debate. I will stay right here and you will get some sleep.”

“But you need to sleep, too,” you reasoned.

Damian shrugged. “I will make do here.”

Your throat was suddenly dry as you prepared to make a compromise. “You could… sleep… here… in my bed?” You prayed that he wasn’t repulsed by your invitation to share your bed. You and Damian were just friends but somewhere along the way your feelings changed. You caught yourself noticing things about him that you found attractive… like the way his eyes were so expressive and always told you what he was thinking… or how he carried himself with strength and confidence, even if it could be annoying sometimes.

You held your breath in anticipation. The last thing you wanted was to scare him off. “Okay,” he casually accepted. While you were relieved that he wasn’t mortified by the thought of sharing your bed, you were a nervous wreck now.

You shuffled over to the very edge of your twin sized bed to make room for Damian. As he lay down, the side of his warm arm brushed against yours. You skittishly scooted away but tumbled out of bed.

Damian peered over the edge of the bed and his brows knit together in confusion. “What on earth are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing,” you said, too quickly to sound normal. You tittered nervously as you climbed back under the covers. This time you lay on your side and faced away from him to put some distance between you two and to hide your embarrassment.

“Come closer, Y/N. I do not want you to fall off again.”

You shifted infinitesimally closer.

“Closer,” instructed Damian.

You inched towards him but left a good distance separating you two.

“There’s plenty of space here,” he encouraged.

You quickly came up with an excuse. “I toss and turn in my sleep. I don’t want to hurt you by accident.”

Damian let out a hearty laugh.

“What?” you asked with indignance. You rolled over onto your back so you could see him.

“Nothing,” he denied, stifling his mirth.

“Tell me,” you demanded.

“The thought of you, in your footie pajamas, thinking that you could injure a highly skilled assassin, is quite comical. Don’t flatter yourself. Now, come here and go to sleep.” Damian patted the empty space beside him.

This time you listened and moved towards the centre of the bed. You were so close to Damian that you could feel the heat radiating off his skin. The warmth was drawing you even closer to him but you reprimanded yourself and forced yourself to remain eerily still to avoid another accidental contact. Damian turned his head and you felt his eyes on you. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” you squeaked. You bit you lip anxiously. Your hand played with a loose thread on the blanket.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes,” you said, this time more confidently although you weren’t fooling him.

“You need not be afraid of the dark, Y/N, especially when I am here.”

You knew that already. You always felt safe when you were with Damian, even before you knew he was Robin. There was something comforting about his self-assurance that made situations less scary. But that’s not what was making you jittery.

“Why do you bother watching murder mysteries? They always overlook clues and never investigate thoroughly. Besides, you have a real detective right here,” Damian said, with a tone of umbrage.

You shrugged and tilted your head. “They’re fun,” was your simple answer.

Damian cocked an eyebrow. “Being so petrified that you cannot sleep alone is fun?”

“I don’t know. I guess I admire you for being Robin.” You don’t know why you said that. You really shouldn’t be feeding his ego. It’s big enough as it is. You kept talking, against your better judgement. “Watching you solve mysteries and fight for justice got me interested in true crime.”

Damian only hummed in response. He was quiet for a while and you thought that maybe he had drifted to off to sleep. Finally, he said, “Would you like to know who committed the Gruesome Gotham Murders of 1902?”

You gasped and turned on your side to face him. You were only a few inches away from him now, but you didn’t even register his proximity. Your anxiety was long forgotten and replaced by curiosity. “You know who did it?”

“Of course,” he confirmed.

“How?” you breathed with skepticism. The case had been undertaken by several of the most high-profile detectives and private investigators over the decades and none were able to solve it. In fact, no new leads had been uncovered in the last eighty years.

Damian rolled his eyes. “Batman and Robin are, without a doubt, the best detective duo in history. Not to mention, that case was child’s play.”

You scoffed. “I don’t believe you. Show me some proof,” you said, calling his bluff.

“Very well, then. I will show you the file the next time you visit the manor.”

“If you’ve solved it, why don’t you tell the authorities then?”

“We have. It is connected to several active cases so the GCPD is not able to release any information to the public yet.”

You scrutinized his face, looking for any signs of a fib. He didn’t waver under your intense stare, but then again, he was accustomed to the batglare so your measly glare was probably ineffective. You decided to trust him. “Who did it?”

Damian turned on his side as well and propped up his head with his arm so that he could look down at you. He pretended to think about it, building up the suspense. “If you go to sleep now, I’ll tell you tomorrow morning,” he said, almost playfully.

“What?” you exclaimed.

“Better get to sleep right away,” he warned.

You couldn’t believe he would tease you like this. There was no way you’d be able to sleep knowing that the answer to the city’s most enigmatic mystery was lying right beside you. You huffed angrily and flopped back down onto your mattress.

Damian let out a deep laugh in response. You grabbed a spare pillow and tried to whack him, but he anticipated your attack and caught it. “Damian Wayne, you are the absolute worst.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

#damian wayne #damian wayne imagine #batboys imagine #batboys #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x y/n #batfam #batfam imagine #batfam x reader #batfam x y/n #robinchicklets

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whitexwingedxdoves · 3 years

Text

Scream part 3

Part Three: Host Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Platonic Peter Parker x Reader Pronouns: She/Her Warning: Swearing, fighting. Summary: With the fear that Scream is still inside you, you confine in Bucky. A/N: Im so glad people are enjoying this as much as I am. Let me know if you would like to be tagged when Part 4 is out. Master list of chapters

You tried to brush it off climbed into the bed and under the sheets, attempting to get lost in the feeling of the silk on your skin and just when you thought you were drifting off. You cant get rid of me that easy.

The next morning you found yourself in the kitchen sat at a rather large table, poking at the bowl of chopped fruit in front of you. You thoughts were else where and despite the growl of your stomach you couldn’t stop thinking about her voice. All night you felt like you were talking to yourself trying to get her to speak again, so you knew you weren’t going crazy but she never responded. You couldn’t shake the fear that she might still be inside you some how. Laying down your spoon you ran your fingers through your hair attempting to come back to reality. That’s when Peter walked into the room, you sent him a small warm smile and sat back in your chair watching him for a moment. He sent you a smile back but he seemed a little scared of you, his reaction caused you to sigh and look away from the boy. That look alone made you feel like a monster.

“I never got the chance to say thank you for saving my life” attempting to break the tension, the froze for a moment holding an apple in his hand. He just nodded, thinking about his next move. He eventually decided to sit beside you at the table, nervously playing with the fruit he held. “What’s on your mind kid?” you questioned, carefully watching his actions. “She... Scream – she said that we were the same...” his words barely surpassing a whisper, he hung his head down a little trying to make sense of the words. “I mean, she could shoot webs...” he added clearly lost in thought. “Don’t let her do that to you, don’t let her get in your head, Peter.” Resting your hand on his arm to reassure him, you gave him another warm smile. “Trust me, you’re nothing like her. Regardless of what she can and cant do.” He responded with a nod, his smile seemed genuine but not convinced. Pulling your hand away from him to pick up your fork again, you started stabbing at the fruits in the bowl. You heard Peter push away from the table and walk towards the door. You assume he had left but you could sense someone. You looked up at the doorway for a moment at first no one appeared, so you shoved the fork full of fruits finally into your mouth keeping your eyes on the doorway. It wasn’t long until Bucky strolled into the kitchen.

He didn’t say anything at first, he just made his way to the cabinet and pulled out a glass before turning to the skin to get a glass of water. You swallowed your mouthful, your hand covering your mouth attempting to be lady like. Once he had finished gulping down the water, he nodded your way “Hey” he spoke simply yet it still managed to send butterflies into your stomach. “Hey” you smiled back at the man, your eyes wandered away like you were thinking of something. Bucky noticed your expression to soften almost instantly, which only caused his brow to cock. “What’s up” he asked leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. You just looked up at him and scrunched your face a little, deciding if he was trust worthy enough to tell about last nights episode. “Erm – Last night when I was falling asleep” You started, taking a few moments you chewed on your thumb before you continued. “I could have sworn she spoke to me again” you admitted, fear striking your face as the words left you mouth. He just shook his head before making his way over to you, taking the spot that Peter previously sat in. “No, no! You just had a long day. Pretty traumatic day actually. I’m sure it was just your mind playing tricks on you” As he attempted to reassure you, you mimicked Peter’s unsure nod as you looked up into his eyes. “Hey, I have nothing planned for today. I’ll stay close by, just incase” he added, giving you his best reassuring smile. “Thank you” you whispered back at him, almost feeling guilty for making him babysit you for the day but the guilt wasn’t anywhere as heavy as the fear.

As the sun started to disappear behind the hills, you found yourself in the communal area, tucked into a blanket reading one of your favourite books that you managed to find in the 1000’s of bookshelves jotted around the place. You snuggled into the corner of the sofa, engrossed in the words on the pages. Bucky had kept to his promise, he barley left your side all day, in fact the only time you were ever alone was when you went to the bathroom. He sat close by to you but not too close, he thought you looked far too comfy and didn’t want to ruin it. Peering down at the pages you were reading, keen to know what had you so engrossed. You looked up at him, though now his eyes were glued to the page, it made you laugh slightly which broke his attention. “You like Fight Club?” you asked, a smirk still plastered across your lips. “Never heard of it.” The words made your jaw drop, How had he never heard of Fight Club, hell everyone had seen the movie right? “What?” he added, noting your expression. “How... It’s Fight Club, I get not reading the book but the movie?” he just shook his head at your words as he laid back into the sofa a little more, his arms resting on the head rest. “You mean to tell me you’ve never had to question your sexuality watching Brad Pitt wear crop tops?” He just laughed in your direction, the comment clearly tickled him a little more than he had planned. “Oh we are so watching Fight Club, what the hell!” clearly excited by the idea, you shut your book and placed it down next to you.

As you and Bucky shared a laugh at your over enthusiasm over Brad Pitt’s navel, the voice came back. Oh how cute, like young love. Instantly you stopped laughing replacing your smile with confusion. Oh just stop teasing yourself, just kiss him already. The voice laughed. Bucky picked up on the quick mood change and sat up in his chair, his hands reaching to hold your arm to calm you but you turned your head towards the doorway suspecting someone was coming and like clock work, Steve turned the corner. It was starting to creep you out now but you chose not to mention it. He looked like he had some news to share which meant the voice in your head would have to wait. “I hope I’m not interrupting something” Steve teased, cocking his eyebrow up at Bucky who responded with a sarcastic smile before his eyes wandered back to you, scanning you to make sure you was okay. “So just as we were about to leave, for Carlton Drake. The news informed us that one of his rockets blew up as it was taking off – When we looked deeper at the footage... It looked like he was on there” he paused, insinuating that he had met his end... but in a freak accident, it didn’t seem likely. “We did more digging, turns out Scream wasn’t the only Klyntar he was holding onto. We don’t know how many but...” Venom. You looked around confused for a moment, you could feel rage bubble up inside you but it wasn’t yours. The pain and confusion seemed far too much for you as your eyes welled up slightly. Every other time she made an appearance you could feel how infectious her confidence was but not this time, this time she felt completely different... she felt scared.

You looked up at Steve as he seemed to still be talking “Venom” you’re words interrupting his. The men looked at you confused for a moment before you looked back at Bucky. “She’s still there.” You whispered, despite knowing full well Steve could hear you. “I don’t know what it means but, she seems scared... maybe that’s one of them.” You shook your head slightly, attempting to help the situation as much as you could. “Captain, James... Mr Stark needs your assistance in the lobby, he says its of the urgent kind” FRIDAY broke up the awkward silence in the room and just like that all three of you made your way towards the lobby as fast as your legs could possibly take you.

As you bust through the door to the lobby with the two super soldiers you saw Nat, Tony, Sam and Wanda all facing a rather large being. He looked exactly like Scream only he was practically monochrome. You froze in fear as the other two raced in front of you, you wanted to move but you just couldn’t. No! She screamed, causing you to grip each side of your head and wince in pain. “He’s after Scream” Tony shouted towards the men, attempting to fill them in as quickly as possible before things turned sour. “He doesn’t believe that we got rid of her”

The large figure laughed at the billionaires words. “You think it’s that easy?” He mocked, slowly inching closer. “You think your tiny human brains can comprehend the science behind extracting a Klyntar from their host?” He pushed past Tony with ease as he made his way over to you. Your body felt like ice, your eyes welling up. Suddenly your back bent as you screamed out in pain, to everyone else you looked almost possessed. Your body slowly shifting, revealing the very thing that he had come for. Scream panted for a while but every breath sounded like a growl. “There she is” he laughed his rather large hands wrapping around her wrist. “No!” she screamed using all the energy she had to pull away from him. “You left me” her voice though already distorted started to crack. “You left me, alone. YOU LEFT ME WITH HIM” she screamed in his face, his only reaction was to laugh. “You’ve always been one for the dramatics haven’t you” he mocked pulling on her wrist. She fought as hard as she could but she was weak, she had yet to master her full hold on you but you had a feeling her weakness wasn’t the lack of bonding, no it was him. It was Venom. You need to stop him. You cried out to her, attempting to relate to her in some way.

That’s when she whipped her hair into action, wrapping around his neck she kept squeezing but it wasn’t enough, a talon formed from his body and struck her across the face. The avengers stood and watched, not know exactly who to help in this situation or if to help at all but Bucky grew more and more worried as he watched that large dark figure overpower Scream. “We have to help her” He whispered to Steve, Steve peered over his shoulder at his friend with a look of regret. “It’s not our fight, Buck” he replied simply but Bucky didn’t take no for an answer. “How is it not our fight, Y/N is there... not just Scream. If Scream dies who’s to say she doesn’t die too!” his words were fumbling over each other but Steve nodded, finally defeated with the truth of the situation.

Though it wasn’t your physical being that was beaten, you felt every punch. You could feel her getting weaker and weaker but she still stood her ground, fighting back with everything she could... well until she couldn’t. As Venom’s fist came hammering down towards her face, she allowed herself to take the back seat, giving you the control again but before you couldn’t even understand what was happening, your face met with black, completely knocking you unconscious.

When you finally woke up, you found yourself in what you could only presume was a cell. Though it wasn’t bars and a metal bed, no. It looked comfortable and the walls almost seemed invisible if it wasn’t for the blue hue. What the hell happened.

#marvel fanfic series #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #platonic peter parker x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #marvel symbiotes

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riacte · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday to HC7!

Wow man, I can’t believe it’s an actual year... so I’mma go off the tangent for a bit.

I’ve been following HC since May 2019, but I only watched Grian (and eventually Ren) in HC6, so when HC7 started, I was excited to branch out. Unfortunately I couldn’t watch as many episodes as I like but still, I feel like I’ve known a lot more about the hermits and their projects this season!

The beginnings of HC7 always gives me good vibes. It’s just so... humble. Magical. Exciting. The hermits are stripped off their elytras and rockets and gear and shulker boxes and they have to start from the beginning, in the old-school way. And you get to see them do all their crazy grinds and builds from the very start, when they had nothing but determination and motivation.

I was also really proud of how the hermits grew MASSIVELY in the beginnings of HC7, especially Scar and Iskall. I was ecstatic to see more hermits reach 1mil subscribers, because they deserve that and so much more. HC fandom was also growing exponentially, with many fancontent made of wizard Scar and Pesky Bird and Bumbo Baggins and the infamous Doc-Bdubs divide (I mean, they’re the popular creators, but it still makes me super happy and gives out the GoodVibes). I remember staying up till 3am, totally engrossed in HC fanfic.

I know for y’all in the Western world, HC7 starts with quarantine and Covid, but since I’m in Asia, Covid has already been going on for like two months when HC7 began. The hermits provided a lot of comfort for me when I was sad or just bored. Like... the world is changing, but Hermitcraft is still there, as cheesy as it sounds.

I remember the night the HC7 E1 episodes were uploaded, I was vibrating with excitement. I was telling my friends to watch them. I had no idea who to watch first but I remember I clicked Impulse. I stayed up past 12am and I think I watched most of Doc’s episode and wondered why tf did I stick to Grian when there’s so much more out there.

Gradually more episodes came out, including those of my faves Grian, Scar, and Ren. And I was super mega happy to see Grian and Scar be neighbours because that’s all I wanted in S6, actually. A proper collab between those two crazy builders and cat lovers with chest monsters. And I was beyond excited to see that practically everyone I watched at that time (Grian, Mumbo, Scar, Stress, Iskall) lived in the same jungle. (Ren was the exception but he later moved in and I kinda lost it).

Early HC7 Jungle Gang and their builds have a very special place in my heart just because it’s so hopeful and funny and full of possibilities. I loved watching Grian annoy Mumbo, I loved every bit of Scar’s magical village, I loved Iskall bringing a brown panda to Stress’ place as a gift. Bdubs VS Doc was also extremely entertaining, and I still laugh over how cute BeeDoubleO is. And Ren! Ren’s Loser Island was so quaint and charming and cute and I’m so sad he blew it up lol. Something about his starter base just gets me. I even modified my survival starter base after his.

And the streams! The stream weekends! I was never into watching streams but HC7 convinced me. The hermits saw that we liked them, and kept on making them. I don’t remember a lot about the streams, but I do remember popping into Ren’s late at night, and he talked about living alone and the pandemic and how this Minecraft stream united people from all over the world, and he started listing out the countries people wrote down in chat, and I just started crying. It sounds stupid and parasocial, but fuck man, I really love the hermits.

I remember when there was a time Ren uploaded at 12am Saturday for me, so when I had a rough week, I would tuck myself into bed and refresh my feed until I saw Ren’s new weekly episode. (Ren’s my comfort YouTuber.) It was like... a habit of me, like when I felt bad I would be like “at least there’s gonna be a new Rendog episode by the end of this horrible week :D”. And that made me happy.

And then it sort of became a habit... I watched different hermits according to my moods. Whenever I felt more attentive, I watched Grian. Tired and bored? Stress. Wanted to calm down? Xisuma. Wanted to laugh? Bdubs. And when I just wanted some comfort? Ren.

Hermitcraft and its community has given me a lot of joy. I would go longer about how I met friends etc etc but I started being active because of Blue Bats lmao, and that’s a different story.

Just wanna send the hermits and the community some love <33 sorry this got so long lol, I really am very nostalgic haha.

To me, there really is something magical about Hermitcraft, and I don’t fully understand it, but maybe that’s the beauty of it.

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #ria.txt #I am Emotional #I miss early HC7 so much #the vibes.... immaculate #kudos to you if you read the whole thing lol #you can clearly see my bias for Ren shine thru #personal

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amaya-chwan · 3 years

Text

Takeaways from Therapy Game: Restart Chapter 11

Oh gosh, hello everyone! Thank you for being so patient with this chapter’s takeaways! I was really busy at work since I took on a new position, and then I was so engrossed in reading a super long novel (read: TGCF and that amazingness that is HuaLian) that it just took up a lot of my time the past couple of weeks! 😭❤️💛

I hope you are all well! This chapter was actually a nice little break from the drama themes we’d been used to reading, so let’s get to it!

Our takeaways for this chapter include:

Late night date at the communal bathhouse!! ✅😏😍

Honestly, Shizuma and Minato’s communication with each other is really goals! Such a healthy relationship! 🥰

Minato has really grown more and more over the course of TGR so far, I am living for it! Proud of you, bb! 😭❤️💛

Almost NFSW scene 🔞 at the bathhouse has got me CACKLING! 🤣 Ngl, I love the tender moments they have before the NSFW begins, and this, my dear readers, is a lot of tender, wholesome, loving moments!

Ngl, Shizuma with slicked back hair is divine! 😍

GOOD GAWD THEIR REACTION when ^*^ 🤣

The ending of this chapter just 👀

I SWEAR, EVERY DANG TIME, THESE DORKS ARE TOO ADORABLE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD! 🤣😍🥰❤️💛

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter--and if you want to know what the ^*^ is--please continue after the cut! As always, I promise there are a few surprises in this summary! 😉✨

The cover page for this chapter has Minato crouching down with an umbrella in hand, with the caption: You came to see me. Just that act alone, warms me up from the heart (outwards).

The opening panel brings us to a public bathhouse, where some elderly gentlemen are blushingly staring at Minato who is currently rinsing himself off before he heads to the communal bath and says “This feels great...”

The gentlemen make commentary in the background, saying “It’s rare to see the youth here~”, “Does that youth have white* hair? (*in this case, probably platinum blond)”, “It’s bleached, BLEACHED!”, “My grandchild bleaches their hair too!”

Shizuma can obviously hear them, and he awkwardly thinks to himself that he and MInato are being stared at. Shizuma then thinks that Minato doesn’t really have an impression of what being at a public bathhouse is like since he is really carefree while rinsing. Minato takes a peek at Shizuma, and Shizuma smirks back. Minato grabs the back of this neck in an almost “I’m feeling a little awkward/shy” fashion.

Flashback: We return on the scene from last chapter (so probably timeline-wise, less than an hour or two beforehand), where Minato and Shizuma are together under the umbrella in the rain. Minato sneezes and is starting to feel the coldness in the air. Shizuma worriedly asks if he is okay and suggests taking Minato home first. Looking slightly dejected, Minato asks if they’re really going home now, to which Shizuma responds by saying “Of course we are. Your clothes are drenched. If you stay like this any longer, you really will catch a cold.”

Minato has a lightbulb moment and suggests going to the public bathhouse. The condition of entry for the bath house is that those who have a tattoo might be asked to present some form of ID and that the bathhouse owners have the right to refuse entry. Minato asks the elderly reception lady if she needs to see his ID, showing her his snake tattoo on his ankle. She laughs, saying that there’s nothing to worry about if his tattoo is just that “earthworm” (she doesn’t see it as a snake). She’s more concerned that he is drenched and tells him to take his wet clothes off and use the dryer, and to warm himself up in the bath by submerging his whole body up to his shoulders! Shizuma looks on lovingly on the side.

Back to the present time. Minato sits down next to Shizuma in the bath, getting used to the temperature of the water and starts to relax. Shizuma looks over and seems to think Minato won’t catch that cold anymore. He recalls what Minato said to him and how he wasn’t able to hear it due to the rain, and wonders what Minato could be hiding from him. Minato picks up on Shizuma’s staring and proceeds to tell him that he’d also feel uncomfortable with being constantly stared at by Shizuma. Shizuma then apologises to him, thinking that they haven’t been able to look at each other face-on since arriving at the bathhouse. He deduces that it’s because he failed to make it for their house tour appointment, so of course Minato should be angry.

Minato, without knowing what’s going on in Shizuma’s mind, blurts aloud that his body has grown stiff from sitting around all day and didn’t know whether to go home or not due to Shizuma’s lack of messages. Looking upset, Shizuma tells Minato that there was an emergency situation that occured right before he was leaving, and while he was able to help with the situation, he could not make the time to message Minato. He apologises again since Minato was looking forward to it.

Minato says it’s fine already, that Shizuma has been doing nothing but apologise lately. Shizuma agrees, saying that that’s all he’s being doing lately and he’s no good as a boyfriend. Minato, crouching over the side of the bath railing, says to Shizuma that that’s not what he wanted him to say, and that Shizuma hasn’t done anything wrong at all.

Flashback again: Minato is hastily walking towards Shizuma’s car, angry that Shizuma hasn’t messaged him at all and that since that dream he had at the cafe, he hasn’t been able to stop worrying about him. When he sees Shizuma’s car, he realises he must still be at the hospital and thinks he might be doing random odd-jobs again, or worse, he might be getting all friendly with the nurses. And if so, Minato won’t speak to him for a couple of days.

Minato then notices the two women walking out of the clinic in tears so he hides behind the car. While they talk about Hana-chan and how professional and personable Shizuma is as a resident vet, Minato eavesdrops and blames them for Shizuma staying back late. But the more he listens to the women being thankful everything went okay and Shizuma assuaged their fears, he is reminded how great of a vet Shizuma is.

Back to the present. Minato tells Shizuma he saw the two women and understands why he missed the appointment. He once told Shizuma to be a great vet (re: see side story in TG) while he himself realised he wasn’t ready for what that meant for Shizuma’s personal life. Minato then tells Shizuma that he’s helping all these people without him (Minato) knowing about it, that he’s falling in love with Shizuma all over again even though he’s been stood up on a date, and that he is (jokingly, I assume) annoyed by this feeling. Blushing, Minato looks over at a stunned Shizuma.

Having said all that, Minato pats Shizuma on the head, telling him he’s done well! Shizuma is still silent and stunned, and Minato gets a little flustered with the lack of response, almost as if Shizuma was coaxing those words from Minato. Shizuma says that while he’s happy that the puppies are okay and he was able to reassure the owners, Minato’s words just then made him feel the happiest all day, and flashes a really darling smile! Shizuma thanks him.

The elderly gentlemen begin to walk out, noticing Shizuma is grinning from ear to ear. They make small talk, and the gentlemen tell Shizuma to warm up!

Minato is also taken aback with the happiness overflowing from Shizuma’s expression. Shizuma notices Minato in a little bit of a daze and comes up close to him. When asked if he is having a hot flash, Minato pushes Shizuma away, saying he’s too close. Seeing the lack of people, Shizuma says they’re the only ones in the baths right now. Blushing again, Minato asks Shizuma if he’d like to be rewarded for working hard, to which Shizuma happily responds with “I wanna do it!” Minato agrees, reminding Shizuma to mind his manners since it’s a communal bath.

Things get a bit steamy between Shizuma and Minato, with Minato thinking he’s seen more of the adorable side of Shizuma today. They exchange words of arousal while Shizuma kisses and touches Minato all over.

Minato then teases Shizuma by calling him a “bad” vet. Just as they get more and more into it, one more guy comes out of the bath next to them, rinses his body and leaves, just like that. Both stunned at the thought that someone was there, they laugh! (^*^ moment)

Shizuma and Minato are now walking along the street, looking at the star-filled night sky. Shizuma says he was really looking forward to the house tour, but Minato says it’s okay since their house tour date became a bathhouse date. Being all pouty and cute, Minato asks Shizuma: “Well, either one of these dates would’ve been fine as long as we’re together, right?”

Shizuma grabs his heart, asking what’s up with Minato for him to be so adorable today. Minato says he’s assumed the role of an adorable person so that they can have a heated and passionate round of lovemaking when they get home, which Shizuma finds quite sly.

Shizuma once again asks Minato about what he said in the car park, reminding him that he doesn’t have to talk about it if he doesn’t want to. Minato says it’s nothing for Shizuma to worry about, that he’s not enduring it out of pride or anything. Remembering Shizuma’s joyful face when he told him those words of encouragement, Minato says: “(Inner monologue) Putting my feelings into words, those nightmares that I’ve grown tired of, and my anxieties, (aloud) with just your stupidly adorable smiling face, you blow away all the unpleasantness and dislikes I have. So Shizuma-kun, smile.” Shizuma shoots him a smile and understands what he’s saying, and Minato responds with “Hn, good boy.”

Still walking to Shizuma’s car, Minato reminds Shizuma not to show his adorable smiling face to anyone else. Shizuma awkwardly smiles and says he doesn’t, wondering where Minato got this idea from. They continue to talk about the bathhouse and how nice it was that the receptionist let Minato use the dryer. Shizuma then remembers he left his boxers to dry in the staff room at the hospital!

He stops by the hospital with Minato, who has no idea why he’s had to go back to the hospital right now. He assures Minato that it isn’t anything big, but is actually freaking out on the inside, afraid another staff member might see it (and yes, Onodera did see it in a previous panel). He leaves Minato in the car and runs over to collect his boxers. Minato smirks while seeing Shizuma knocking on the door to gain entry, but is slightly taken aback when he sees that the person who opens the door is Shizuma’s director, a woman.

And that’s it for this chapter! Everything was going so smoothly in this chapter, with all the tender moments, then BAM! Hinohara-sensei just had to end the chapter like that! Stay strong, Minato! It isn’t what you might think it is! 😭

Also, I shall check for typos and grammar tomorrow since Tumblr has failed me more than half a dozen times and I lost my post each time. RIP to me and my sleeping pattern haha! 😭

Again, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

The next chapter will be in the next issue of Dear+ that will be coming out on the 13th of February (later this week)! Hopefully I’ll be back to regular scheduling and post at a reasonable time (and fix my editing skills LMFAO)! Thank you again for being so patient! Ngl, I am still drowning in all my TGCF feels, so I highly recommend this novel. It’s a long read, but well worth it! ❤️ HuaLian 4 life, period.

So yeah, I’ll see you guys again for our next set of takeaways! 😍

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜

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megumisbimbo · 3 years

Note

hello :)! I was hoping you could right a fluffy scenario where Megumi and Gojo reunite with reader who left Japan at like 7 years old and when she comes back shes sitting down and when she sees them she stands up and is like,, super tall, like taller than Gojo😟 . But she also has a personality very similar to Gojos and Megumi is just 'theres two of them now 😐.' Also her meeting Yuji and they become close friends too ^^! thanks sm keep up your great work ♡☺!

HAHAKDJA THIS IS SO FUNNY BYE-

As someone who is literally a whole 4’11” I am sorry if I did not do the tall community proud 😫✋🏾 lmao anyways enjoy whatever this is

(ily anon)

Gojo 2.0

- You were a fairly quiet child, a little shorter than Megumi and you two got on quite well.

- Alright that was an understatement, you two were inseparable.

- Being Gojo’s only known family, and favorite niece, you spent a lot of time with Megumi.

- Gojo practically raised Megumi as a son, so your days were full of training alongside the two.

- You possess the limitless power Gojo possesses, but you lack the six eyes.

- Gojo carefully trained you until you were 7. Once you hit that age, your mother told you that you had to move to the States to finish your schooling.

- Megumi’s little heart broke at the thought of you leaving, but you promised you would be back.

- So you left.

- Now you’re older, and things have....changed.

You bring your suitcase up the stairs of the infamous Jujutsu Tech, your old stomping grounds. You stand in front of the office of Principal Yaga, awaiting the test you must take to enroll in the school. You left Tokyo so many years ago to pursue a career, but quickly realized that being a sorcerer is what you wanted to do, much to your mother’s dismay.

“(y/n), you may come in now.”

You carefully step into the office and are hit with a wave of nostalgia.

“I see you still make your cursed puppets Principal Yaga! They’re cute!” You say to the man, who is engrossed in your documents and application.

He looks up from the paperwork with a smile, but is met with...your stomach? His eyes widen as he continues to follow your form all the way up to your eyes. A big smile is plastered across your face as you greet the man you used to see almost daily all those years ago.

“...(y/n)....it’s been so long you’ve....changed...”

“Awww I haven’t changed that much have I?”

His eyebrows furrow in disbelief.

“Anyways...let me go find Satoru, I’m sure he’ll want to watch your exam. Go ahead and take a seat over there.”

You walk over to the small couch located on the side of Yaga’s office, and patiently wait for him to return with your beloved uncle. About ten minutes later, they both arrive along with Megumi who insisted on seeing you.

“(y/n)! My little one! How have you been!”

“Ojisan!”

You shot your from your seat and jumped into your uncle’s arms, almost tackling him to the ground.

“(y/n)...you’ve...grown...a lot.” Gojo says, basically looking up at you.

It’s true, you have grown...a lot.

Gojo stood at around 190 centimeters, or 6’3”. You’ve grown to be about 198 centimeters, or 6’5”.

You look past Gojo’s head and spot a very shocked Megumi.

“MEGUMI!” You say letting go of Gojo to engulf your now short friend, his head resting uncomfortably against your chest.

“(y/n)...you’re so tall.” The raven haired boy says, his face squished against you slightly muffling his voice.

“ah yeah I grew a bit while I was away haha.”

“a bit?” They all say in unison.

Yaga ushers you and Gojo into the exam room and you pass with flying colors, to absolutely no one’s surprise. You were very powerful, almost as powerful as Satoru himself. Your limitless was practically untouched while you were in the States though, so you would need to train extra hard to reach your full potential.

You followed Gojo to the dorms on campus and he took you to the room where you were to stay for the rest of your schooling. It was conveniently placed one door down from Megumi’s. Now I can bother him whenever I want.

You start unpacking your belongings and setting up your dorm. Taking a quick moment to lie down on your bed, you make sure your legs don’t dangle over the edge, and to your relief they don’t.

A knocking on your door disturbs you. It was Megumi...and someone else.

“(y/n), this is Itadori. He’s new here and-“

Yuuji cuts him off swiftly.

“Hi (y/n)!! I’m your new neighbor!! My name’s Itadori Yuuji! You can call me Yuuji! Wow you’re really tall! Are you taller than Gojo-sensei??” Yuuji says, talking faster than a bullet train.

“Hi Yuuji! It’s nice to meet you!! Yeah, I think I am taller than Ojisan now!”

Megumi stares at you, head bent back as he looks up at your face at an uncomfortable angle, shocked at your response. The younger you would have crawled in a corner the moment they met someone new, but the new you is...a lot like Gojo. What should he expect...you were his niece.

a/n: oh my gosh this was so funny to write! My short self had no idea how to act like a tall person so it was rough. Thank you for requesting this anon!!

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #fushiguro megumi #megumifushiguro #gojo sensei #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #crack fic #jujutsu sorcerer

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poptimus-prime · 4 years

Text

Here is what the kids call my highly disorganized, half-baked list of stuff that could have been done with Jack to make him a better character.

@yeetmetothehell I am sorry if you are disappointed by my ideas.

“Optimus was more like...Jack.” OK…so show us that.

In my opinion...Jack seems like he was intended to be written to be almost a parallel to Orion’s journey to becoming Optimus Prime, at least how he is used in the plot. Jack is described as “smart and responsible”, which can also be read as “hardworking and responsible” and really this can be achieved in narratively using a few points, IMO:

Long hours in his room/the library studying outside of work and school.

Filling out the background of the garage more with sketches/print outs of motorcycle blueprints (to keep the idea that Jack really wants a motorcycle and show hints of extreme dedication, but they’re kept in the garage rather than his room to metaphorically show that distance he’s put between himself and what he wants)

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too fast” (This will be discussed more later but TL;DR “I’ll handle the electric bill this month, Mom”)

Somewhat fragile work/school/life balance that Jack somehow perfectly maintained before meeting the team

Orion was very physically passive. Jack seems to be intended to be written as passive but it comes off as an apathetic reluctance that Orion doesn’t possess (Orion may not believe in violence but he clearly wasn’t unwilling to communicate his thoughts; it’s how he got the title of Prime in the first place.) However, Orion had to learn to become more outspoken over time probably, so we can keep him as being aloof/reluctant at the start of the series.

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too Fast”

It’s no secret Jack came from a nonconventional home; June is very explicitly portrayed as a single mother with a dad nowhere in the picture. However the situation surrounding Mr. Darby is unknown. The way June talks about it makes me personally feel like Jack’s dad either ran out or divorced June and doesn’t bother with his kid. Dysfunction in the family really just goddamn changes you TBH. (can confirm bc hi, I come from a dysfunctional home) Sometimes you just grow up super fast. Jack probably spent his childhood missing his mom as she worked shifts at the hospital and seeing how lonely and hurt she was. He maybe went out and got a job the first day he could and helps with smaller bills (“I’ll handle the electric bill this month.”), or maybe other expenses like groceries and his own phone bill. June probably makes enough to comfortably support her and her son, especially given her job and the cost of living in rural ass desert Nevada. But Jack still does this anyways--it’s how he copes with his issues after what happened with his dad. Doubling down and trying to be what he thinks is the bigger man because his dad couldn’t be fucked.

This would make the disruption him letting the bots into his life creates more staggering; June doesn’t expect her son to pay bills, but the sudden change in behavior (skipping out on work) would be a cause for concern because sudden shifts like that are Usually Signs that Something is Very Wrong. Especially because Jack is usually responsible and open with his mom; he would have told her if he was gonna cut hours at work, theoretically.

Jack feels like he has to constantly put his own wants aside to contribute to his household. Even if June doesn’t force this expectation upon him, it’s a feeling that he will have, especially if he watched his dad just abandon him and June. Maybe he has resentment towards his dad for this and that is causing some anger he’s keeping tightly under wraps? And maybe the bots give him an excuse to do something he actually wants to do for once or some excitement in his life and that’s why he goes along with it? Lots of options, people!

Clothing Choices: The Hoodie™

You are going to have to deal with me being a whore for costuming choices and what they can mean. The show has a problem with the humans wearing the same shit every time they’re on screen and I’d love to rant about all of them (yeah yeah I get it saving money) but I’m focusing on Jack right now. Give Jack a hoodie 2020. A grey one or some other dull and drab color. And make him actually always wear the hood (except like in scenes where he is working bc workplace dress codes obviously) As time progresses, the drab hoodie is changed to a more vibrant color, but he still always has the hood over his head. And then, at a pivotal moment, the boy takes the hood off. (You could even throw in Miko cracking a joke about Jack actually having hair if you really wanted TBH.) Why this? The narrative is that Jack is constantly holding himself under wraps because of his self-imposed responsibilities. As he starts to become more into his own, he decides to express himself more with brighter colors, but still has some reservations. When he takes the hoodie off, that’s when he’s fully realized himself in this process and thus completes the parallel.

Actually make him interact with Optimus in a meaningful manner.

Arcee can still be his guardian in the field and I think working on strengthening their relationship is vital. But also, if you’re gonna make Jack the confidante holding the key to Vector Sigma, there actually has to be...meaningful interaction. Optimus asking Jack what he’s so engrossed in reading and Jack explaining the book he’s got with passion before shutting himself up and saying “it’s kinda dumb though” or something. And Optimus just responds “I don’t think it’s dumb, tell me more.” Coaxing him towards more self-discovery and expression. Optimus maybe sees more of his old self in Jack and starts attempting to be a quasi-paternal figure without really thinking about it because he is, after all, Dadimus. Jack maybe lashes out about how he doesn’t need Optimus to be his dad and that makes the space between them tense for a while. Eventually Jack comes to apologize and maybe there’s an important Talk.. Just a few ideas I will expand on later. I feel like forgiveness and lack thereof is a good theme--I know I was held back for a long time because of how convoluted the concept of forgiveness is with family.

The Character Arc

So, what would Jack’s character development throughout the events of season 1 be? My basic idea for a Jack arc that mirrors Orion’s self-realization and coming into Prime-hood without being a carbon copy is essentially:

Jack is portrayed as a responsible, hardworking, studious teenager who constantly turns down chances for fun and excitement to handle his responsibilities. Has clear dreams for after high school and for his own personal life; but he’s constantly contemplating and changing his mind about whether he will or not because he’s extremely dedicated to helping his mom and all that. However, he still gets super curious about Arcee and gets swept up by her in the Vehicon chase, and he still has whispers of courage and protects Raf during the altercation. He first tries to ditch Team Prime because he’s concerned about his responsibilities, but eventually returns because he’s drawn to the opportunity to finally go buck wild for once in his life (even if he spends his time being hesitant about everything.) His hesitancy and dedication to severe self-imposed responsibility is a result of his inability to move on from what his dad did to him and his mom; he’s under the impression that he 1) Has to forgive someone to move on, and thus 2) He cannot move on because his dad isn’t there to bother to say sorry and take on his position as Dad. In essence, he becomes less the character telling Miko to stop and more the character being pushed by Miko to be more adventurous. In lulls in action, Optimus starts to take interest in him when he notices his constant hesitance to express himself and is just being dragged along rather than going willingly. Has a conversation with him about a book Jack’s reading, which Jack attempts to shut down because it’s “dumb and childish,” but Optimus urges him to continue. The idea that June knows about Arcee as a bike and Jack explaining that he bought a motorcycle as a fixer-upper for dirt cheap can stay. (He probably still is saving up for his motorcycle.)

The longest portion, after Optimus starts interacting with Jack on a level of bonding and gently coaxing him to be himself— Jack becomes more outspoken and he’s shown as curious, analytical, quick witted, and has a deep sense of justice. Being young and craving a childhood lost to his trauma and self-imposed obligations to help his mom with running the household, he suddenly starts spending more time at the base pursuing hobbies and going on missions rather than studying and work, which concerns June. She tries to press Jack, and is met with what can be described as typical teenage headbutting that gets progressively worse. She grounds Jack after the fight, MECH takes her, the rescue happens. (That makes sense to stay in this narrative IMO.) Around this time, Optimus has effectively started becoming Jack’s own Alpha Trion—teaching him things that he’s picked up that he may feel apply to Jack. Jack interprets one of these lessons as Optimus trying to be “dad” and he’s not having it. Makes it VERY clear that he does not need a dad (“didn’t need one before and sure as fuck don’t need one now”) and definitely snaps at Optimus, which then pushes his progress in the arc closer to the end. He eventually comes back to apologize, and Optimus forgives him. He and Optimus have a heart-to-heart about one of the hardest lessons Optimus has had to learn—how to let go of the past without forgiving those who have hurt you and refuse to make amends, so that you may determine your own future. It’s very clear he’s talking about Megatron, even though he never says his name. Jack takes this lesson to heart.

His final bit of development before the hood removal thing probably happens during the events of “Rock Bottom” and reinforces that hard lesson, right when he’s faced with the option to off Megatron. Maybe there’s some taunting about how Optimus preaches softness and forgiveness too much when Jack refuses to kill him. Jack gets angry, and he’s about to fucking do it. But then he stops, takes a breath, and says “Optimus doesn’t preach forgiveness, he preaches moving on from those who refuse to move on themselves. He will never forgive you, but he’s learned to live on despite what you’ve done.” Soon after this, when Megatron comes to the base, Jack takes off his hood, stares Megatron right in the face, and says “This is not forgiveness, Megatron. Don’t you forget that.” Later, when Optimus gives him the key, he tells him something along the lines of “you have grown since we’ve met, Jack, and even though there is still a long way for you to go...” he hands Jack the key. “...Remember that even I am a work in progress.”

Anyways this is again, half-baked. And needs lots of polishing. But it’s something.

#luna.docx #No I will not be tagging this outside the blog #I am self conscious about it

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lia-jones · 4 years

Text

Growing Stronger - Chapter Thirty-Four - Leave Me As Usual

Author’s Note: Hello beautiful people! Thanks to @muart0113, our super talented artist, you are in for a treat! This chapter has some exquisite art, made by our sweet Mu! Thank you, gorgeous Mu, for your immense support and love for the Growing Universe. People like you fuel my inspiration, and are the ones that keep me going when things get a little bit harder!

Victor let out a deep breath, watching it turn into condensation in the frosty morning air. Not even the cold weather would make him give up on his morning run. It was his alone time, when he dealt with all the feelings he had to put aside in his daily life. And that morning, he definitely needed to clear his head.

He took the first step with conviction, and soon he was increasing the pace, making his heart race as much as his head. She had said she wanted to be done with the wedding, that she felt like she didn’t fit in his life. Even if Andrea didn’t know it yet, he did; she was giving up. She was slowly retreating from his life. And he had no idea what to do.

What could he do? The uncertainty of the future was driving him insane. He set his personal feelings aside for a moment, building a scenario analysis in his mind. Base case scenario, he would get married, there would still be issues, but those could be dealt with in the long run. He would support her every step of the way and shower her with love, and eventually, she would understand he could and would make her happy. Best case scenario, they would solve said issues before the wedding. Some miraculous event would make her less busy, she would engage happily and effortlessly in all wedding-related activities, and she would be happy, knowing he would make her happy.

Worst case scenario... Victor sighed, he never liked this part. But one must be prepared for all situations, no matter how painful said situation is. Worst case scenario, she would leave him. She would conclude she didn’t want the life he had to offer, that Levi or any other guy was a better match, and she would leave him. He would be alone.

The next part of the scenario analysis entailed the steps for recuperation, should the worst case scenario occur.

Step number one, he would have to communicate the end of the engagement to all of his guests. Approximately three hundred and seventy out of four hundred. He would make a bland speech about incompatibility and different life goals, trying to protect Andrea’s image at all costs. He wouldn’t let people think poorly of her. If anything, they should think poorly of him. He was the one that failed miserably

Step number two, he would have to cancel all the services for the wedding. Florist, band, wedding planner. He would have to cancel the construction of the large structure he was building in his aunt’s land. He would have Goldman do all that.

Step number three, he would have to control the media. He would assign that task to Mia, with the crystal clear instruction to leave Andrea out of the confusion as much as possible. After that poor excuse of a boyfriend, and seeing her name slandered on the media because of her abuse, he wouldn’t allow her to be unwillingly involved. Andrea should be able to continue her life as if nothing happened. Everything should fall on him.

Step number four, he had to prepare for his father’s lecture. Victor wasn’t expecting any support from him, already guessing the main topics of his speech: he was a fool in love, how could he so easily let these filthy people into his life, his mother would be ashamed of him. Victor would listen to it all and wonder if, this time, his father was right. He could already feel the shame.

Step number five, and this was one Victor was certain of: he would close his heart forever. He would never love ever again. He had found the love of his life, only to see her walk away and break his heart. And he would not allow it to happen ever again.

Victor stopped dead on his tracks, realizing he had gone much further than his usual route. Sighing heavily, he returned home. He now had a backup plan, but he wished he didn’t have to use it. He was prepared for the circumstances, but no plan could prepare him for the heartache.

He entered the apartment, a delicious smell coming from the kitchen grabbing his attention. Andrea was cooking breakfast.

“Victor!” Out of the blue, she jumped into his arms and kissed him, almost toppling them to the ground. The weight he felt in his heart was immediately lifted with her affection.

“I’m covered in sweat.” He warned softly, as she broke the kiss, stroking his cheek. ”What happened?”

“It’s done!” She beamed at him. “I finally finished it! I’m publishing the first half of the study tomorrow morning.”

“It’s done?” Victor could barely believe it. The miraculous event had taken place after all. With the study out of her mind, she could finally focus on them, and the wedding.

“Finally!” Her eyes sparkled with joy, it had been months since Victor had seen that light in her eyes. “I feel like I could cry! I can finally breathe, I can finally relax. No more calls, no more late-night hours working, I can finally have a life!”

Victor squeezed her soft body against his chest. He felt like he could cry as well. However, he had something else in mind.

“That’s definitely worth celebrating.” His voice was low and sensual, as his lips touched her neck. “Let’s go get ourselves clean.” He carried her towards the bathroom, her legs still tightly wrapped around his waist.

“While getting ourselves dirty?” She asked in a sultry voice, hot and moist against his ear.

“Something along those lines.” He smirked, looking forward to the intimacy.

It had been a long time since they last had sex. He loved her intensely, made her lose her mind countless times, allowing himself to get lost in her, as the fog and warm water enveloped them, intensifying their senses. He tasted, kissed, caressed every inch of her skin, until his lustful hunger was completely satiated and she was pliant in his arms, her body soft with pleasure and exhaustion. He didn’t care if they would be late. She was his top priority.

“Now that the study is done, I assume you’re less busy today?” He asked while he ate the delicious frittata she had prepared for breakfast.

“Yes, I’m waiting for a printed version of the study to review. After that, I’m free.” She happily sipped her coffee. Andrea always looked beautiful after sex, her cheeks a beautiful pink, her complexion glowing. “What do you have in mind?”

“We could visit my aunt’s ranch this afternoon and see how the construction is going. Maybe stay for dinner. Mina would love to see you again.”

“Sounds wonderful.” The doorbell rang. Andrea got up to get it.

She returned with a wide smile on her face, holding a folder.

“And here it is, the fruit of my labor.” She opened the folder as she finished her coffee. “Oh no, that can’t be right.” She frowned, as she read some documents. “Hand me that pen, will you?”

And just like that, she was gone, totally engrossed in the folder in front of her, frowning and shaking her head as she read.

“Did I lose you already?” Victor asked softly.

“Sure. Just text me in case I forget.” She answered, absentmindedly, eyes fixed on paper.

Victor held her face gently, kissing her temple.

“I’ll call you later. You’re not listening anyway.”

She seemed to realize she had been distracted, glancing at him with worried eyes.

“I’m sorry, got lost a bit here.” She grimaced, and he chuckled. “Can I call you after I sort this out? It’s really urgent.”

“I’ll be waiting.” He gave her a warm smile. “Enjoy your day.”

He walked in LFG in a much better mood. What was he thinking, considering a breakup? In retrospect, it almost sounded silly.

An hour later, he got a text from her.

I’m sorry, I can’t make it today. Something came up, I need to solve it as soon as possible. Can we reschedule for tomorrow? Love you.

Probably something to do with the mistakes she saw that morning. If the study was to be published the following day, it was only natural that she would need to fix it promptly. He replied with a smile.

It can be rescheduled. In the meantime, I will prepare a list of things you should do as compensation. Be prepared. I love you.

Probably for the best, he thought. He had no shortage of things that were demanding his immediate attention, and maybe the next day they could take the day off, maybe have another picnic. He should call Mina to make arrangements.

It was later afternoon when he called Goldman, looking for his assistant’s wife. One of her clients had an accident that resulted in millions worth of damage, and Victor needed to know how much the insurance would cover, and how much that would cost LFG.

“Diane took the afternoon off, she’s out with Andrea somewhere. But she told me she emailed you the last report.”

Diane’s report was the furthest thing from Victor’s mind.

“You said Diane is with Andrea? Right this moment?” He felt an icy sensation in the pit of his stomach.

“Shouldn’t she be? She… She left after lunch.” Goldman looked confused. “Is everything ok? You look pale.”

“Everything is fine.” Victor cleared his throat, closing the laptop and getting up from his chair. “I’m done for today. My phone will be off, call me at home in case of emergency only.”

“Are you sure you are ok to drive, you don’t seem-” Goldman fussed.

“Mind your own business, you have work to do. Like I said, I am fine.” And with that, Victor stormed off. He couldn’t bear talking to anyone at that moment, let alone someone that could read him so well.

Andrea had lied. Andrea never lied, something was seriously wrong. The ice in Victor’s stomach soon grew into a frigid wall. He was nursing a glass of brandy, hoping the frost in his heart would cool the fire in his blood, when Andrea came home.

“How was work?” He couldn’t avoid the irritation creeping into his voice.

“It was fine.” She didn’t look him in the eyes, taking her jacket off and leaving to hang it in the closet. “How was your day?”

Victor was done with idle conversation. He followed Andrea to the hall, ready for confrontation.

“Now you lie to me?”

Andrea’s shoulders tensed, her back turned to him.

“Victor…” She turned to him with a worried expression.

“Do you even want to get married?” Victor threw at her.

He turned to the living room, not wanting to explode right there in the hallway. Part of him wanted to confront her, wanted to demand justice for being wronged and deceived, to make her see how much she hurt him, how a simple lie left his heart torn and aching. Another part of him knew that this would lead to nothing pleasant, and it would just be the beginning of the end. The final confrontation. Although he understood that some things can’t be helped or avoided, that one should just face it and move past them, Victor also wanted to hold on to those last minutes with her, and pretend for a while things could still be saved.

“Victor, listen…” She followed him to the living room.

“I have been more than patient, Andrea.” Victor tried to hide the hurt and fury in his voice, but found he couldn’t. “I know the University has been putting a great amount of pressure on you, and I have given you time, and space. I have respected that. But you have been using it as an excuse to avoid me. You lied to me, Andrea.” Victor looked her straight in the eyes. No matter how painful it would be, she would tell him the truth. “Just admit it, this is over for you, isn’t it? You don’t want to get married.”

“Wait, that’s not fair!” Andrea raised her voice, although the hurt was more visible than the rage. “You know how hard I worked for this, you know I can’t just let it go down the drain! This is my career, I fought very hard for it!”

“What about ME? Why won’t you fight for me? Am I that forgettable?!” His voice came like a roar, echoing in the apartment, surprising him with its force.

The pain inside him was suddenly so unbearable he felt weak in the knees, having to sit on the leather sofa to steady himself, a tear escaping his eyes. Her silence, on the other hand, was deafening, making his ears ring. She said nothing, tears rolling down her face, as she turned her back on him and left, returning a moment after, her eyes full of rage.

“I am doing the very best I can. I’m sorry that’s not good enough for you.” She threw a piece of paper at him, walking away again.

Victor picked up the paper from the floor. It was stamped with that day’s date, from one of the designers he picked for Andrea. It was a receipt for a dress fitting.

The dagger in his heart dug so deep he let out a silent sob. That’s why Diane was with her, that’s why she didn’t say anything about it. She went to the designer to try on her wedding dress. Their relationship was already so fragile, and he managed to completely destroy it with a single blow.

He wanted to get up and follow her into the bedroom, apologize, admit what a big idiot he was, but he couldn’t. The ice around his heart had spread to his veins and froze his muscles in place, restraining his movements. Besides, he knew what she was doing in their bedroom. She was packing. She was getting ready to leave. At that moment, Victor was nothing more than a helpless spectator, watching his dream crumble to the ground, unable to act, unable to stop it. The only thing he could do was pick up the pieces.

He sighed, resigned, as he heard her come into the room again.

“I’m sorry-” She started. He already knew what was coming. He couldn’t bear to hear it.

“I’ll inform the guests that the wedding is canceled. You talk to your family. You don’t need to mind any expenses that were already made, all of those are on me.” His voice was monotonous and detached, hiding the fact that his heart was beating wildly inside his chest.

“Victor…”

“No!” He closed his eyes, another tear escaping them, betraying him. Before she could say anything else, he continued. “Take your time getting your things out of the house, I will stay in a hotel and go on some business trips I have been postponing. I will also withdraw my funding from your study, so you won’t have to see me again.” His voice started shaking, he wanted to cry so much, but he refused. “You have plenty of people that believe in your work. You don’t need me.”

Victor remembered his childhood, and how quickly he was dismissed by his own parents. They loved the idea of having a son, an heir, but they didn’t love him , not truly. All his life, he had been alone, so alone it was hard to picture himself any other way. He was a powerful man in his professional life, but at the same time, in his private one, he was invisible, insignificant. Everybody always wondered why he didn’t have any friends, or close relatives, or a wife, thinking that it was his fault, for keeping people at bay. But the truth was, no matter how hard he tried, no one cared enough to stay. And eventually, he stopped trying.

“In the end, it’s always the same.” He spoke, more to himself than to her. “I was a fool to believe this would be any different. Everybody leaves, every single time. And I’m left alone.”

Andrea suddenly kneeled before him, taking his hands. He was so numb he could barely feel her touch. He kept his head down, afraid to face her.

“You are not alone.” She held his hands tighter. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Victor. I will never leave you.”

“Forget it. “He shook his head. “Maybe you’re right.” His voice was so strained he could barely speak. “Maybe when things are too hard, it just means they are supposed to end.”

“Fuck that.” There was a strong determination in her voice and her touch, as she lifted his head to make him face her. “Look, I know right now you are building a wall between us, I can feel it. But if you ever loved me, if the love you said you felt for me was ever true, you’ll bring it down for a minute and listen.”

He watched her closely and skeptically as she spoke.

“I was wrong when I said that. Things that matter sometimes are hard, but we don’t give up on them, because they are precious to us. They are worth every fight, they are worth every struggle, and sometimes we will stumble and do the wrong thing, but we keep going, you know why? Because they are so rare, so unique that we refuse to give up.”

Victor shook his head in disbelief. Yes, that could be true for most people, but not for them.

“Just give up, Andrea, just leave. It wasn’t hard for you before, I’m certain you can do it again. You have proven to be capable of leading a happy life without me, go and find your happiness. There is no point in wasting time with foolish delusions. You were right to leave me the first time.”

Andrea looked at him with a scary determination in her eyes.

“No, I won’t. Not until you look me in the eye and tell me you want me out of your life.”

He felt his bad blood rising again. He did not like being defied like that.

“Fine.” He scoffed. “I’ll go.”

He should’ve known. He should’ve guessed that Andrea would never relent when she set her mind on something. Before he could reach the door she was already there, leaning against it, blocking it.

“No.” She spoke like it was obvious she wouldn’t let him leave. “Not until we figure this out.”

Victor’s mind was reeling, he couldn’t understand why she was doing this. Wasn’t she the one that said she did not fit in his life? Wasn’t she the one that kept avoiding him, neglecting him? Wasn’t she the one that was supposed to be upset? He had been an idiot, accusing her of lying to him when actually all she wanted was to surprise him? Why was she pushing him around, wanting to make things better again, when she was the one that showed intentions of leaving in the first place?

Why? Why was she fighting if the obvious choice would be to leave, like everybody did?

“Why are you doing this?” Despite his best efforts, tears filled his eyes, revealing how hurt he was.

“Because this happened before, and I left. And there is not a day that I don’t regret it. You think I was happy? I was trying to survive.” She moved to be in front of him, leaving the door clear, a sad look in her eyes. “Do as you must, I don’t want to force you into doing anything. But know this: I won’t be happy. I will never find bliss. And I won’t find anyone else, because nobody else is you.”

The wisest action would be to leave. It had been established that this wouldn’t work, not because he didn’t love her, but because he obviously couldn’t make her happy. An honorable man would probably leave, do the painful thing, sacrifice his happiness for hers. But Victor was weak, selfish. He wanted to stay, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, love her, end the fight. Try again, even if just for the sake of another moment with her. Victor couldn’t move.

She pulled him down and leaned her forehead against his, making his heart beat harder. “You are the love of my life, you always will be. Yes, I could leave, but where would I go? You are my life. Why is it so hard for you to believe that?”

The moment her lips touched his, Victor lost it. He kissed her back with passion, but more than that, with hunger, as he was craving the love she was giving him to soothe his aching heart. He took her in his arms and lifted her up, sitting her on the end table of the hallway, his body pinning her against the wall, his arms trapping her. And she was holding him back, caressing him, nurturing him, giving him the affection he had always dreamed of. When they broke the kiss, he held her tight. The fear of losing her was stronger than ever.

“I don’t want to let you go.” He confessed, nuzzling her neck.

“Then don’t.” She tightened the embrace, and he noticed she was shaking slightly. Guilt weighed in his heart for scaring her like that.

Slowly, he slackened the embrace to look her in the eyes, his nose touching hers, his ragged breath mixing with hers.

“I’m sorry.” They said in unison. Andrea pecked his nose, smiling at him lovingly.

“No, I’m sorry, Victor, this is mostly my fault. I know I have been a mess, and yes, you have been very patient with me. I have been feeling such pressure from so many people I unwillingly disregarded the only one that was actually trying to give me some relief. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t care. I want this to work. Can we work this out?”

“Yes.” His voice was shaky, but his heart felt warmer.

“I love you, Victor.” She smiled at him. “Will you marry me, and build a life with me?”

He wanted nothing more in this world. To have the woman he loved in his arms, to create a life for himself that would be completely different from the one he had before, one where he wouldn’t be alone and invisible. Her words made the warmth spread in him, like light flooding a dark room.

“Yes.” He smiled, his lips touching hers, asking for a kiss.

#mlqc fanfic #mlqc li zeyan #mister love queens choice #love and producer #victor x oc #Growing Pains - Series #growingstronger #victor angst

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butterflyinthewell · 5 years

Text

Disabled abusers

Yes, I’m going there, because it’s what my dad does. He has advanced Parkinson’s and is not independent anymore.

This post is not attacking all disabled people who are dependent on caregivers. This is not attacking disabled people with memory, mental or mobility issues who have no choice but to need caregivers to survive.

It’s a very specific group where the disabled person is an abuser and the abused person is their caregiver. This is based on stuff my dad does, knowingly and intentionally, to suck the life out of me and by proxy my mom. We can’t afford outside help and insurance won’t cover out of home care either, so we are trapped.

My dad doesn’t have dementia. He has a lot of mobility issues, but is capable of doing some things himself without help.

And here is the stuff he does:

Waiting until me or mom are trying to accomplish a task and asking for something that is complex and time consuming— like needing to go to the bathroom or wanting us to put in a dvd. This can include knowingly interrupting complicated tasks like cooking, counting money, balancing a checkbook, trying to deal with a massively important phone call or right before we go out the door for appointments, church, etc..

Doing the above, and moving to get up if we don’t respond that very second. He’s a fall risk when he’s getting up and knows this, so he forces us to run over and stabilize him.

Doing the above, but giving deliberately unclear instructions so it takes even longer and leads to everybody pissed off at everybody else.

Doing the above several times in a row when me or mom are trying to watch something on tv, trying to accomplish a personal task or read something, and this is after we have asked him to please give us a break for awhile.

When my mom was in the hospital having her gallbladder taken out(she’s fine now), I was trying to run the house and do a lot of things I didn’t know how to do and had to learn on the fly. Dad made no effort to instruct me or help me, he just demanded, demanded, demanded attention nonstop. When I melted down (I’m autistic), he yelled at me for not sitting with him and basically said how dare I make him feel bad.

We will get all the things we know he needs all set up for him, walk away and as soon as he sees us get engrossed in something he asks for something that’s not his usual, like he wants his slipper socks when the weather is hot, or he wants to see the first 10 dvds in his movie cupboard so he can decide which to watch, or he will knock his drink over and make a huge mess.

Being reckless and careless, which leads to items being damaged or broken, and getting all upset at me or mom when we get upset that we lost something we use. (Could be a lamp gets broken by a fall, or papers with phone numbers and addresses gets Gatorade spilled on it, or a drawer gets knocked off its track and broken; basically the items damaged are never his own and not being able to use them makes life harder for mom and me.)

Getting up in the middle of the night (huge fall risk) which forces me or mom (usually mom) to stay up with him. He’s usually stoned up on massive amounts of sleep meds and still he wakes up. He ignores requests to please go lay in bed so everybody else can sleep. My mom is very sleep deprived. I think she finally took my advice and just goes to bed; if dad wants to knowingly put himself at risk of a fall then it’s not her fault if he falls.

Putting on an “I’m so helpless” act whenever he knows he pissed me or mom off with all of the above. Especially when we’re out in public (on those rare occasions) so we can’t show any frustration or tiredness without us, the caregivers, looking like terrible people. (Yes, it is clearly an act, not a fluctuation in ability. His fluctuation of ability leads to a different pattern of legit needs than when he’s acting.)

Using his dependence on me and mom as a way to keep us from having any real freedom to just go have a girls day out at a movie or something, so outings are super rare. He will say things that make my mom feel super guilty for wanting to go out or whatever. I don’t go out much, except to choir stuff, so I just go “okay bye” and head out if I have a ride to the event, but my mom falls into the guilt real easy and tends to just stay home with him.

If me or mom try to set up anything to allow him to do something more independently, he will find a way to mess it up so bad that we have to go back to doing it for him. For example, we arranged his meds in cups in ways that are clearly labeled and separate so he can’t possibly mistake one pill for another. He stuck a bunch of pills into one cup and said it’s too hard without even trying the new way. So we have to dole out certain meds to him to make sure he takes them correctly. (This is not confusion on his part, it’s deliberate.)

He won’t use the desk bell we put out in his reach to get our attention and will instead shout. His voice is not strong, so he may shout two or three times before me or mom hear his voice and go see what’s going on. He will then accost us with claims that he was yelling for ages and ages and how dare we ignore him. (Gaslighting basically.)

Telling me I shouldn’t run my air conditioner or fan when it’s hot “so I can hear him if he needs me” when the desk bell is guaranteed to get my attention. I told him I’m not going to swelter in my room on the chance he might need me and to use the bell.

The house looks like a dump most of the time because dad’s legit needs on top of his manufactured controlling ones take up so much time in the day that mom and me are just too tired to tackle it. And then dad will invite one of his friends over with short notice, so mom and me scramble to vacuum and dust so there’s at least an illusion of clean. This has forced us to cancel plans last minute before.

And the most insidious part of it all is knowing my dad has so many legit needs means me and my mom both feel like terrible, neglectful people when we’re tired or frustrated with his unnecessary demands.

It would be a totally different picture if dad wasn’t aware of how he was acting, but he totally is aware, is totally in control of his behavior and he totally doesn’t care how stressed out everyone else is. His needs take all precedence and everybody else is just window dressing.

I was raised to never behave the way my dad is behaving, and now he makes me feel like the bad guy when I display anger and frustration. I feel like my childhood was a gaslight. My dad always punished me for doing things he turned around and did himself, and I feel like this situation he has me trapped in is his worst way of doing it yet.

I am in professional counseling because the anger issues I have are getting ugly and out of control. I’m stuck in a state of burnout. I am no longer able to muster compassion towards my dad, but I still feel it very strongly for any other person in a difficult or painful situation. But if I look at my dad, I’m just numb.

There needs to be awareness of disabled abusers who knowingly use their needs to trap and demean caregivers. It happens. There are icky people in every community and enabling or covering them up is extremely damaging.

In a world where we call for equality, we have to call out all abusers, even marginalized ones.

Abuse is never okay.

#disability #abusers #emotional abuse #emotional manipulation #long post #tw abuse #tw emotionsl abuse

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i-am-parsec · 4 years

Text

11/02/2020

Hey, so...I had a bit of a crisis a couple days ago and now I’m here, writing again. I think I can still picture your smug look whenever I’d admit I was “wrong”, even if my memory is very unreliable these days, I can still see it and I know for a fact that’s the look you’re giving me right now. You little shit.

Um, they are probably not gonna like reading that. They don’t like it when I “pretend I can actually communicate with my missing, most likely already dead ex husband”. Weird, right? Like I don’t see how that would disturb them, ha.

I suppose I now should explain to you who “they” are. I’m talking about my doctors, Dr. Richard Willson and Dr. Alexandra Freias, who, little fun fact, my sister hired solely on the basis of her being 1. A woman and 2. Latina. I guess she thought I’d “bond” better with someone who looked more like, but the funny bit is that Dr. Freias’ mother is Russian and she looks like a photocopy of her mother. What I’m trying is that, not only was my sister’s idea dumb, she also did a terrible job at executing it because my doctor looks white as hell. She is nice, though, and I’m grateful about that. And no, Dr. Freias, I am not writing that just so you’ll forgive me for destroying your brand new phone yesterday but yes, I am very sorry about that, or at least as sorry as I can be these days and I promise my dumb sister will replace it as soon as possible.

I’m gonna have to get used to the idea of these letters having a bigger audience than before. In the sake of my little agreement with my lovely health professionals, I’ll be open and honest and admit...I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable to share this, my only safe space, with people who are basically strangers to me, but I am aware this decision was taken for the sake of everyone's peace of mind. When I’m writing, I’m focused, more relaxed, less prone to spiral down after Dr. Willson gives me a mocking look and sighs at the mention of your name, Chase, so this is a good thing: I get to talk to you and my doctors get a bit of insight on what’s going on inside my mind without me losing my shit and breaking everything around me, something they claim to desperately need.

I am a woman of my word, so I will continue this little daily exercise if that is what everyone thinks is best for me, even if I can’t help but laugh at the idea that this might give them any kind of extra data about me or you or anything related to this mess our lives have been for the past couple of years. I’ve already told them everything, from the very beginning. They refuse to listen, I refuse to give in and spew the nonsense they are trying to feed me instead of the truth I already know, then we all get frustrated and eventually...we start the cycle again. Circles, we are just going on and on in these fucking circles and it does annoy me, but I guess I have accepted it to a certain degree - I’m stuck. This is my life now, an eternal retelling of the hell I’m trapped into, while being trapped within said hell.

I am lost here, Chase, lost and blind. But I keep moving, even if I know how it is all going to end, I still walk. I walk towards you, mi amor. You are my North, my compass in a world without poles, paths or direction. Ever since we were kids I’ve been doing that. You gave me purpose in a pointless world, a home in a deserted land, a glimmer of Hope among absolute darkness...so I’ll do my part, I’ll take my medicine, I’ll go to my appointments, I’ll write my letters. I’ll be good, I swear, for you, for the kids, for my sister - who bends over and backwards for me, even if I can’t seem to forgive her-, hell, even for my doctors, who refuse to actually listen to me but also refuse to give up.

Oh, before I go, in case you were wondering why I had the mental breakdown: I was telling the doctors about our wedding and it hit me that it was the 31st. I got quiet for a second, a bit teary and informed them that that day would have been our ten year anniversary. I laughed when Dr. Freias pointed out that we got married on Halloween and told her it was on purpose, that you love this holiday so much that you begged me for months to let you proclaim your undying love for me in front of our few friends, both of us being in full costume in our tiny backyard.

That’s when it all went sideways. “Undying love”. Dr. Willson just had to remind me with a smirk that we are divorced. I would like to explain in more detail what happened after that but truth be told, I don’t know. Last thing I remember was staring at him, my whole body shaking and then, dropping under water. It's a familiar sensation by now, but it never gets less disturbing or less violating. When I was back in control of my body, the room was a mess, I had three men holding me down and Dr. Willson’s forehead was bleeding.

I do not forgive him for the unnecessary remark about my civil status but I do regret, greatly, ever hurting him and I appreciate him not quitting. I don’t know why he wouldn't, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with a new smug asshole who thinks they have the right pill and therapy combination to fix my unfixable brain. At this point in my life, I will always rather stick with the devil I know than the devil I don’t, and besides, Richard is no devil. I should know.

It’s late now, almost 8, so I’ll send this to Dr. Freias and be on my way to bed. See you there, my love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link to all the chapters in chronological order, here. Link to the last chapter, if you can even call it that, here.

Well. Here’s the thing. I am too broke for therapy and too uninspired to write anything original that could probably be more nurturing to my soul than a fanfic that I started 2 years ago...so I’m here, back to my bullshit. And also, Sean is finally dropping some new crispy fresh ego content so I guess...I’m doing this. I’ll be posting daily, the quality will be shit, there might be no actual progress to the plot and it is going to be mainly me just using Stacy to vent. I have little to nothing going on in my life right now, and I vaguely remember I used to get joy from writing so in order to get even the slightest bit of serotonin, I set myself the goal of writing everyday, no word minimum or special prompt in mind, I’m just going to write, and if it’s good, great and if nobody reads, fine. I’m just trying to get back whatever pieces of myself I can find, which I think is a feeling this character can very much relate to. That might be why I’m returning to her.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I was very invested in her before I fell in love and then I was so engrossed in my relationship that I completely forgot about her and then I had my heart broken in a million tiny pieces, losing any kind of sense of self or purpose in life and now, almost six months after my first real breakup, I’m trying to rebuild myself and I secretly hope that going back to Stacy, a character that was very dear to me, I can find whatever it is that I’m looking for. Maybe, but who’s to say?

Anyway, if you read all of that bullshit (and I mean the whole post, not just my after-chapter ranting), I feel like I owe you some kind of reimbursement for emotional damages. Sadly, I’m poor, so all I can offer you are memes. You can slide on my DMs for your payment of memes. Do not feel the need to ask me how I’m doing, I am doing Fine...in the sense of I will not be yeeting myself from a rooftop any time soon, no matter how sad I might sound, I’m just a whiny bitch using writing as a coping mechanism. I’m okay, like not really, super mega hyper ok but I’m ok. If you’re concerned, I appreciate you but don’t be. I’m writing to deal with my feelings, that’s like, healthy, right? So yeah, we good.

see u tomorrow

❤️Tag list❤️: @amyxmiaplay @beckofthewoods @closedworldofmathiel @darktrash-drash @fanfictionrecommendations-com @flyingfishflopsthings @fruitycasket @hiimizzyxoxo @hishex @scarlet-mangata @mcomegalletas @mijako98 @mysterious-cupcake-ninja @mysticalanimallover @novasingalaxies @plutoandpolaris @probablyghosting @randomartdudette @saltyweirdbi @scarlet--raven @septicuniverse @skyewardlight @thevampireauthoress @youllnevertaketheskyfromme @rats-this-username-is-taken

#Stacy Brody #Chase Brody #Jacksepticeye #Antisepticeye #Unaddressed Letters

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countingwithturkeys · 4 years

Text

Blurb: Tiny Whispers

Because I promised you all something fluffy after last night!

Whenever anyone, be they civilian or royal, friend or stranger, mortal or Cosmic Entity, discovers that Bonnibel Bubblegum is the love of my eternal life, that I willingly chose to forsake any and all others in favor of her, the response is always the same: Why? This is always asked with disbelief, bafflement comically apparent as they look from me to her, as they realize the depths of my devotion. Exactly how far I’m willing to go not just to keep her safe, but to make her happy.

Look, I get it. I really do. If you don’t think about it I can see how it doesn’t really make any sense. She’s the brainiest of the brainlords, a woman who considers morality to be an interesting theory but not a guiding principle in life. Even if the rest of Ooo isn’t exactly privy to how Bonnie is behind the scenes - which is probably a good thing, given how hard I had to convince her that mind controlling her citizens and fellow royalty just isn’t cool - everyone knows she’s done messed up junk. I’ve heard what they call her, what you all call her. Cold. Heartless. Sociopathic. Okay, that last one might be true, but she’s not cold or heartless.

They might not know the half of what she’s done in her almost nine centuries of life, but they do know about Goliad. And her freak-out when the King of Ooo took her throne. They watched her disregard emotions as trivial when she tried to separate Phoebe and Finn, and don’t even get me started on how willing she was to use the guy’s crush on her to her favor. She might have made memory-tampering illegal after what Ash did to me, but that didn’t really stop her from messing with Lemongrab’s mindmeats, and I’m quoting her here, ‘for his own good.’

Then they look at me. Yeah, I know, walking super weapon, heir to the Nightosphere, last of the vampires, blah blah blah. They see all that, yeah, but they also know I’ve dedicated concerts to Bonnie, that I’ve stuck by her and been sticking by her longer than anyone else has even been alive like twenty times over. A handful of peeps even know I was right there, helping her build the Candy Kingdom in the good ol’ days. They see how we are together, and when we’re not fighting I’ve heard them snicker at how wrapped around her finger I am. It’s fine. I know it, too.

But here’s the thing: life happens when you aren’t looking. The thing is that everyone’s different. Some people, like me, we shout our love from mountaintops as loudly as we can. I’ll write her songs and keep her paranoia in check and make sure everyone knows that if they have a problem with Bonnie, they have a problem with me. Trust me on this, you do not want to have a problem with me, okay? I drink blood and eat souls. Think about it.

Anyway, like I was saying, some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and aren’t shy about showing affection, and I may not show it to a lot of peeps but I’m happy to show it to her. Don’t care who sees. All that matters is that I can make her laugh and help her feel safe, because what none of you tranches know is that she had a messed up childhood and has had to be responsible since like the literal minute she was born. She’s never had the freedom to express emotions, to just chill. It was never okay for her to trust and show what everyone always considers ‘normal’ gestures of affection, like hugging. She still has trouble saying ‘I love you’.

But that’s the point, you know? Some people can show all of that loud and proud. But other people? They show their love very quietly, so you have to stop and listen. Sometimes the language they speak isn’t your native one, so you gotta learn to translate, because here’s the thing about language and take it from a musician: you can’t feel or express stuff you don’t have the words for. Language is weird like that. If something doesn’t exist in how you learned to communicate and express yourself you have to substitute it.

And that’s what Bon does, but none of you get it. You don’t see how she patiently listens to every single stupid annoying story her citizens tell her, nodding patiently and asking follow up questions even though with her brainy-ness it’s gotta be so stupid it physically hurts her. You don’t see how when someone she cares about has a problem she might not want to hear about it, but that’s just ‘cause she’s too busy looking for a solution. You aren’t there when I have a nightmare and you don’t know about how she’ll cancel a meeting so she can hold me through the day until I can get back to sleep, then just pretend her schedule just happened to be clear all coincidentally. You don’t know about the earbud things she made me when she realized I freak out when it’s too silent, so that I never have to be alone with my thoughts.

Bon might not be the sappy romance movie type, or the kind of person who can just accept a bouquet of flowers without scrutinizing what kind they are in weird science language. She might forget important dates because she’s too engrossed in some experiment. But you know what? I trust her more than anyone. She’s always there when I need her. She’s never judged me. She never abandoned me. When I’m scared she doesn’t say nice words, she finds the threat and she takes it out for me. When I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do she won’t mark the trail for me, but she’ll hold my hand so I don’t get lost on the path. She’s never tried to hurt me, and when you all thought I went feral she was the only person to look at me without any fear in her eyes. Just trust.

You’re all too busy looking at Bon and trying to understand her using your language, but take it from someone who speaks both: some people might love loudly and freely, but others, like her, love so quietly that you have to stop and listen. And when you do, there are mountains built of those tiny whispers.

#bubbline #fan fiction #adventure time

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monicalorandavis · 4 years

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Let’s all quit fucking around and give Renee her Oscar for ‘Judy’ now

I am several months late to the ‘Judy’ party. But due to a trip getting cancelled last minute I’m having a staycation instead of a vacation. (Tomato, tomahto!) Needless to say, I’ve got time on my side and I’m watching movies, baby. Time for Judy Garland, baby. Because that’s showbiz, baby!!!

I regret even joking about the razzle dazzle of show business because for Judy Garland show business, the very business she adored, also destroyed her. And that whole journey through the dark, twisted roller coaster of entertainment is sort of the thesis statement of this whole thing.

“The biz” was a cruel bitch to the greatest entertainer of all time. Her nic-name was Miss Show Business for crying out loud and yet when we meet Zellweger, playing the title character in ‘Judy’, she’s in the final year of her life, struggling to keep a roof over her children’s heads. She’s gaunt, exhausted, addicted to pills, alcohol and can’t manage to meet a decent man to save her life.

And instead of nitpicking every wrong choice that led her there, director Rupert Goold allows us into the plodding sojourn that was Judy Garland’s final tour in England. She’d lost custody of her children to ex-husband no. 3 and finally went across the pond where her fans were still willing to pay top dollar for the Hollywood legend.

But when she gets to England we peer into the sheer loneliness that encompasses the lives of the super famous. No friends to share dinner with, kids thousands of miles away, and vulturous men always lurking on the sidelines. It’s grim and bleak and you can’t imagine things ever getting so bad. And yet they were. But, again, and I have to stress this because some power of Judy Garland compels me to underline this as a fellow woman in the arts, this is not the story of how Judy Garland ended up broke. It’s the story of how she tried her damnedest to make enough money to get her kids back because we actors are tryers.

She was a relentless performer who tried. Over and over again. She tried and tried and tried. She tried to put on a good show every night and we watch Zellweger lose the battle to those cloying pills and that seductive martini until she quite literally falls on her face. No, she doesn’t pretend like it didn’t happen. She gets up and is booed off stage and she barks back. And then she gets fired and gets word that her children want to stay with their father in Los Angeles. The final twist of the knife. Zellweger delivers that final conversation to her youngest daughter with aplomb and grace. The Judy Garland we wanted to know - Judy Garland, the mother. Tortured, flawed, generous and loving. A sensitive, soulful singer who had to fight for every scrap of dignity she ever got.

And I kept finding myself wanting to change how things turned out. She was so, so good. So talented. So kind. So willing to give herself to the audience, to new friends. She deserved more.

In one scene, that gives me chills to even think about, she asks two male fans to dinner and they can’t believe their luck. Only after dragging Judy Garland around the streets of London all night in hopes of a meal do they agree to host her at their home just blocks away. She obliges graciously and, of course because a living legend is in your home, they totally ruin the meal. And she couldn’t be a more gracious guest. She eats the terrible, soggy eggs, then, sings while her new friend plays the piano and, then, comforts him when he crumples into a ball of tears, overcome by this grand situation he finds himself in. She knows, and we know, that these two men are gay and the point is not belabored or sentimentalized. Instead, Goold treats us, the audience, like grown-ups with enough context to understand how important Judy Garland was to the gay community. She was their patron saint. Be it all the struggle, the pain under the surface and the resolve to put one foot in front of the other and sing her heart out in spite of it all. A metaphor for being gay, perhaps. Her life and legacy meant something to the community and still does. (The Stonewall Riots occurred on the day Judy Garland died and I think it played no small part in pushing things over the edge that fateful day.)

What a fight it was to be Judy Garland. A star who’d been spit out by Hollywood. Any actress over 40 will tell you their version of the story. And maybe no one understands that today quite like the star of ‘Judy’, Miss Zellweger.

I don’t think Renee Zellweger’s ever been better. She fucking soars. She sings her ass off (and I didn’t know the bitch could sing, not like this). In some instances, the resemblance is so striking between Zellweger and Garland it baffles the mind to reconcile that you are not looking at the original Judy, herself. Somehow, Zellweger completely transforms even the expression in her eyes as if the thought process, or the experience, or perhaps even the torment, is the same between both starlets. How else can an actor arrive at the exact same place as the person they are imitating? How do you achieve not just a version of a person, but the person, themselves?

I do not know what spiritual voodoo Zellweger achieved (move over, Christian Bale!). But this performance is an achievement of the highest order. I imagine Garland herself, at times her toughest critic, would be thrilled to watch the film even in its hardest moments.

Because Judy, and I suspect Renee, are consummate performers. Completely engrossed. Not engrossed. Obsessed. No, not obsessed. Addicted...

Judy Garland was completely addicted to the stage. Yes, Lady Gaga coined “I live for the the applause” but that’s only because she did her homework. Any diva in training gives their respect to the o.g. Judy Garland devoted her entire heart and soul to her performances. Often to her detriment, and to the detriment of those around her.

To be so completely talented, I imagine, is a curse to the performer. And when you’re a mother, a curse to your children. The performer’s gift has the power to kill them. It can drive them to the brink of self-destruction. The pressure and the anxiety of not performing at the same level again and again, night after night, drove Judy to the brink. The pills and the booze became absolutely necessary.

Years ago, I recall news stories about Renee Zellweger suggesting addiction and anorexia. She had wasted away, rumors swirling of drug abuse chased her - she’d been branded with a scarlet letter.

And then, I saw her in person, in Santa Monica. I was inside a Barnes and Noble bookstore (a rare occurrence nowadays in the era of dwindling brick and mortar). She was skin and bones. I barely recognized her. She looked...deranged. Her eyes were bulging nearly as much as the veins in her neck. I didn’t know why she was so distraught but my eyes fixed on her like a cheetah staring down a gazelle. She was just on the other side of the glass, and then she locked in on me. Suddenly, she was the cheetah. She stared at me, then a sour look fell upon her and she dashed away. I was shaken. I had never felt so judged by a famous person before. I had never shared such a fraught moment with a star of her caliber. But then, I wondered, maybe she hadn’t been looking at me at all. What if the glass was opaque and she wasn’t staring at me at all? What if she was looking at her own reflection that whole time? Could it be that she stared at herself that way, with that loathsome look in her eyes?

And now my heart breaks because I do believe she saw herself. She saw something in herself that she couldn’t stand and she fled from the reflection. Just like Judy would’ve ran. Just like Judy.

I’ve asked so many questions and I apologize but I must ask a few more:

What if Renee Zellweger doesn’t win an Oscar for ‘Judy’? Oof. Yes, I remember that she won for ‘Cold Mountain’ in 2004 but it was sort of payback because she’d been nominated for ‘Chicago’ in 2003 and was a shoe-in (but lost) and even that had been a sort of a gimme nom since she’d been nominated in ‘02 for ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’ and lost even after she stole the entire world’s heart.

In a parallel way, Garland was famously snubbed for a ‘Star is Born’ in 1955 when she gave the performance of her life and lost to the quintessential Hollywood beauty, Grace Kelly. After a lifetime of comparisons and cruel remarks about her looks, it had to feel like a stab to the heart to lose to the pretty girl, the princess. Poor Judy. She just wanted to be beautiful and thin. But instead she was talented and charming. And that’s not to say she wasn’t beautiful and thin, she just didn’t fit the stupid, totally arbitrary model of beauty. And she eventually wasted away to a skeleton. Why did we do that to her? Why do we do that still?

I don’t know. But I do know that Renee Zellweger should win this god damn Oscar.

#judy #judy garland #wizard of oz #renee zellweger #oscars #oscars 2020 #grace kelly

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