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meyeselph · 3 years

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Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

#gwenpool #fanfic #deconstruction #outofloveiswear #fortheoriginalwritersnotmarvelordisney #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of drug abuse #tw violence #tw gun violence

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tuanhood · 4 years

Text

lambda

pairing: frat!mark tuan x reader

genre: angst, enemies to lovers (kinda), smut, fluff

warnings: 18+, language, cringey frat stuff, dirty talk, oral sex (male receiving), explicit sex.

word count: 11,400+

summary: your last choice was renting a room at a frat house over the summer, especially after you told yourself you were done with anything frat related, but when your ex ditches you last minute its your only option. now... if only you could stop dreaming about the president of lambda chi.

a/n: surprise again! mark won the poll!! but like I said i think i’m going to continue doing a frat one shot for each member. so it’ll be like a little anthology series!! but i have no clue when i will write the other once so please bare with me :) Also if there’s some frat stuff in here that doesn’t make sense just let me know in my ask or if you have any questions i’ll be happy to answer!

“Who do you know here?” you found yourself being asked before even fully stepping onto the property.

The douchey guy with his backwards baseball cap and muscle tee – sporting his letters of course – looked you up and down as if trying to place you.

“No one actually.”

He looked confused, “wait seriously? You’re just going to admit that right off the bat? Usually people try to make something up.”

“See I’m not here to play games… Kyle? I’m guessing your name is Kyle. I have the unfortunate pleasure of living here over the summer, because this was the cheapest and most last-minute housing I could find. Now I’m just going to go up to my room and mind my own business while you and your brothers throw this stupid party that better be over before midnight.”

“You could have just said you live here…” the boy mumbled mostly to himself, “well welcome home and congrats on moving in! I’m Bambam by the way.”

He thrusted his hand forward to you, almost forgetting about the mob of people behind you waiting to get in and see if they pass the “vibe” check to get past the front door. You were sure in any other circumstance you would not be passing the vibe check.

“Wow Bambam…” you said to yourself considering the name. He looked delighted as if you were so enthralled by the unique quality of it. You were however, thinking about how Bambam was even worse than “Kyle.”

“And you are?” he asked.

“Dude can you stop flirting and keep the line moving! I’m trying to get wasted before 11!” someone yells from deep in the line behind you.

“Hey! I’m the one who says how fast or slow this line moves! Fuck off man or you can go find your own kick back,” Kyl- Bambam yelled.

Snorting, you rolled your eyes, “you call this a kick back?” You gestured to the full house behind him, deciding to leave out those who were sitting on the roof.

“If the normal school year isn’t in session and the house isn’t over 50% occupied with members, then it’s a kick back. Chapter rules.”

“Would love to see that rulebook, if you have it handy,” you laughed, joking. Somehow, Bambam didn’t get it and cocked his head to the side absorbing your comment, “you really want to see the rules? I mean I could bring it to you later if you-”

“That’s fine Kyl-Bambam, I’m good. I’m just going to go inside now.”

“Bet, see you later.”

The way he said it makes you think that he means he’ll see you later at the party. That would however be completely wrong, because there was no way you were going to hang out with these disgusting egocentric heathens that just want to fuck and get drunk.

Fraternity housing hadn’t been you first choice for this summer. In fact, it probably hadn’t been your last choice either, but this is what you were stuck with. Staying at school over the summer had been a very last-minute choice – for reasons you weren’t ready to discuss – and by the time you were searching for housing, everything that was cheap and decent had been taken. Instead you were left with cheap and… chaotic.

“Whoa watch out!” You heard being yelled by some douche in a bucket hat as soon as you stepped into your new home.

It had been a week since you moved in, but you hadn’t made any effort to get to know any of the other people staying over the summer. Regardless of whether they were in the same predicament as you or if they were actually members of the org, you weren’t particularly interested in face to face time. After the Spring Quarter you had, you needed alone time and this summer you didn’t plan on making friends with your housemates… Especially if they were in a frat.

Your first week had actually, however, gone somewhat okay. No one had tried to interact with you – in fact you had barely seen anyone else in the house – and there had been no disturbing sounds or noises… It almost didn’t feel like you were living in a frat house, besides the urinals in the bathroom and the boxes of energy drinks that lined a few of the hallways. You were pleased to say the least, until you turned onto Greek row and heard all of the noise from the corner.

Please don’t be Lambda. Please don’t be Lambda. Please don’t be Lambda. Please don’t be Lamb-

The silent prayer in your head clearly hadn’t been heard as you had grown closer and closer to the house you were staying in. Lo and behold you had been met with a very large line of people waiting to get in, loud music and trash all over the lawn. What had you been expecting by choosing to live in a frat?

The bucket hat guy’s warning didn’t faze you. As soon as you process his words you placed your hand up to smack the Styrofoam football he had thrown to the ground. You weren’t in the mood for an obstacle course, you just wanted to get to your room and put in earplugs so you could rest before work tomorrow morning.

“Whoa you got mad fast reflexes. Do you play?” he asked grabbing the object off of the sticky floor.

You couldn’t tell if he was genuinely curious or not. But judging on the way he eyed you up and down, there were other things that were actually on his mind.

Side eyeing him, you snorted, “yeah… I’m not doing this,” you motioned your hand at him in circles and turned to head towards the main stairs. His words stopped you, “wow are we heading there already? Just give me a minute to tell my brothers I can’t watch drinks table anymore.”

Instinctively you cracked your knuckles, bucket hat guy found himself clearing his throat noticing the small detail that showcased your frustration. Turning around, it takes everything in you not to slap him, but more likely than not, this guy probably lived with you as well. Although you didn’t care for being friends with your housemates, it probably wouldn’t be a good look to be the housemate who slapped the people she shared a home with. So instead of a physical reaction, you simply clenched your jaw and went with the most basic response.

“I live here. I’m going to my room.”

Instead of showing any kind of shame or embarrassment for his very wrong estimate about where the situation was going, bucket hat clicks his tongue – almost in a disapproving way.

“Just watch out… we’re using the rooms on the second floor for hookup space. Or wait was it the third?”

As if you couldn’t have been more annoyed.

“What the fuck? How can you guys use the rooms up there when people are renting them out? How can you even use them when they’re locked?”

Bucket hat started to blink too much as if considering your very real query, “The President has a master key to all the rooms. What do you expect deciding to live in Greek housing for the summer?”

If you had known how much this frat didn’t care about personal space or just basic human rights, you would have never chosen to stay at Lambda Chi. In fact, you would have never chosen a fraternity at all – cheap price or not.

“Is it the second or third floor?”

“Don’t remember,” he hummed, no longer paying you any mind but twirling the football in his hand and eyeing a group of girls who had walked by.

Groaning, you snapped your fingers to regain his attention, “It makes a difference so remember.”

He shrugged and looked at you with an annoyed look on his face, “listen you’re kind of bringing my mood down… And I think I hear someone calling me from the kitchen so…” he pointed his thumb somewhere behind him, “I’m just gonna do that instead.”

Bucket hat guy leaves you standing in the main foyer, squished amongst other people, without another word. Although, you swear you heard him mutter something about you “not passing the vibe check.”

Left without a clue of what to do, you figured that the only viable option you had was to go find the President. Luckily bucket hat gave you one sliver of useful information.

Whipping around, you go to ask Bambam where exactly you could find the President, but he’s too enthralled in a conversation with one of the girl’s waiting in line to get in. It probably would do you more harm than good to get involved in that.

Searching around the space in the front of the house, you look for another brother who could perhaps help you with your task.

Right… Shouldn’t be too hard. Just look for someone who’s confident enough to think they’d be able to get out of a DUI.

A loud laugh caught your attention, it comes from a guy holding a Grey Goose bottle and letting random girls take pulls out of it.

Perfect.

You approached him, placing a gentle hand on his arm that holds the bottle to get his attention. He took notice of you immediately, giving you the same exact look bucket hat had given you earlier. What was up with these guys? They weren’t even trying to be subtle.

“You want a pull?” He asked with a smirk, shaking the bottle in his hand at you.

Shaking your head, you cleared your throat, “I’m looking for the President… Where would I find him?”

Grey Goose bottle guy wiggled his eyebrows at you. Gross. “Ah I see… you want Mr. President. I think he’s in his room.” You wanted to be cordial, but these people just weren’t making it easy.

“What room is his again?” You asked, batting your eyelashes in the most normal way possible – as if that was normal for you.

Grey Goose placed his hand under his chin and tapped it as if deep in thought. He paused and smiled, “I’ll tell you if you take a pull.”

Where were you right now? In what dimension was this actually happening to you? If you told your friends back home about having to take a pull from a bottle of Grey Goose in order to find the President of a fraternity to get him to stop maybe letting people hook up in the room you’re paying for, they wouldn’t believe you. You didn’t believe it.

Sighing you brought your hand up, in a “give it to me” motion. Grey Goose smiled proudly and brings the bottle up, tipping it into your mouth once you have your head leaned back and lips parted. It felt like forever by the time he finally brings the bottle up from your mouth. The burning sensation in your throat makes you want to throw up, and for a moment you think you are, but somehow you manage to take a deep breath and control yourself.

“That was awesome! I think you took like a shot and a half.” I know, you wanted to yell at him, but you bit your tongue. Usually pull meant a swig, not 66 milliliters of vodka.

Wiping your lips with the back of your hand, already feeling lightheaded, you repeated your earlier question, “what room is his?”

Grey Goose nodded, “he’s on the third floor. There’s a huge sign on the door that says President with the chapter’s crest, you can’t miss it.” If it truly was that easy, maybe you should have just gone looking yourself instead of being blackmailed into consuming alcohol the night before you had to work.

“Thanks,” you muttered to him, not bothering to wait and hear a response. You found yourself back at the main stairs, taking two steps at a time until you reached the third floor. It wasn’t long before you realized Grey Goose was right, his room wasn’t hard to miss.

Usually you were a rational thinker. You liked thinking out your thoughts before you turned them into actions, but in this case, you couldn’t stop yourself from knocking on the door as soon as you’re in front of it.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

There’s no answer. Was it possible he wasn’t in his room anymore? You tried again.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

This time your ears catch noise behind the door. There was someone inside, but they were just choosing to ignore you.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

This time the noise was clearer and you can make out specific words being said.

“Maybe they’ll just go away.”

Before you could stop your usual logical mind, you’re reaching for the doorknob – annoyed by this “President” who was trying to make you leave. To your surprise, the handle turns and you swung the door open slowly, being met with a mostly dark room aside from one bedside lamp being on.

“What the fuck?” The deep voice startled you as if you had been expecting no one to actually be on the other side of the door. What the hell were you doing?

Your eyes landed on the large bed in the middle of the room and you really wished you hadn’t. The two half naked figures on top of one another looked at you with wide eyes, the girl immediately grabbing the comforter to cover herself pushing the guy, causing him to fall off the bed.

“Are you for real right now?” the guy asked you from the floor, “get the fuck out!”

You felt frozen in your spot, your hand still on the door knob and unable to break your gaze from the boy on the floor. It was like you were a virgin again based on the way you were staring at his toned chest and muscular arms. You were certain if he hadn’t been sitting and crouched on the floor, you would be eyeing the black boxer briefs that rest on his hips.

“What’s wrong with you? I said get out!”

It’s almost as though his second demand for you to leave is what woke you up, suddenly mumbling a “sorry,” and shutting the door closed.

Opening the door to someone’s room without approval wasn’t something you typically did – you had simply done it as a reaction to the stressful situation you were in. Openly staring at a frat boy definitely wasn’t something you typically did either. It was like your brain had shut off and you weren’t going to let it happen again.

You continued standing in front of the door, unsure of what to do. Should you wait for him to… finish? Was that even the President? Maybe this was your sign that the third floor was the hook up floor. If so, then you were in the clear to go back to your room… so why didn’t your feet want to move?

“Mina come on! Don’t leave! We can keep going!” This time the voice behind the door is much louder and clear.

“You were dumb enough to leave it unlocked! I shouldn’t even be doing this anyways… my loyalty lies with Sigma Chi.”

“What? Just because they’re Phi Mu’s affiliate frat? That’s bullshit!”

“My sisters will kill me if they find out I was with a Lambda,” you heard her say, her voice becoming louder signaling she was approaching the door.

“I don’t understand why that has to stop us from fucking though!”

The door swung open and you find yourself taking a step back, looking away to pretend like you weren’t eavesdropping. The girl glanced at you and rolled her eyes before ignoring the boy behind and heading down the hallway to go downstairs.

While pretending to be fixated on the wall’s chipped paint, you glanced out of the corner of your eye to see the guy in his doorway, clearly annoyed at the situation. He ran his hand through his hair out of frustration and you can’t ignore how fluffy it looked. You watched him run it through three times, before you make yourself look away.

“You,” he grumbled pointing at you, “Here. Now.” He quickly turned, going back into his room, leaving the door open for you to follow. You think that maybe you shouldn’t follow him, but judging on the way he looked back at you with an intimidating stare, it was probably the right choice.

You awkwardly stood next to his desk and watched him reach into his closet to grab a robe to throw over his naked torso, shielding his body from you. As he tied it and sat down on the bed, leaning forward, you’re able to see a sliver of his chest and collarbone where the robe hangs down. It confused you as to why he wouldn’t just put his regular clothes back on, but you found yourself not being annoyed in the slightest at the display of skin.

His eyes bore into you, and it’s almost as though he’s waiting for you to speak first – to say something to make up for your invasion of his privacy.

“Are you the President?”

He looked at you as if you were insane, “what the hell does it say on the door?”

All of the annoyance and frustration that had fueled your fire downstairs, making you a woman on a rampage had dissipated. For some reason standing in front of this guy, you felt like a small child being talked down to. In any other situation you would fight back and show him you weren’t going to take his tone, but for some reason you couldn’t find it in you.

“I was just making sure… okay?”

Mr. President cracked his knuckles, “Why the hell did you barge into my room?” You don’t answer him. You were trying to think of what you would normally say or do to a guy like this, but your mind went blank once again. “You just cost me a hook up tonight, so speak.” His tone is a mixture of aggravated and bored – if that was something that was even possible.

“I mean you’re the one who left the door unlocked…” you mumbled to yourself, but the anger on his face signals that he heard. He threw up his hands, “That still doesn’t give you the right to just walk into a room that’s not yours.”

That really got you. You felt the flame within you being lit once again. “Look who’s talking.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re the one who’s letting people’s rooms be used for sex without their permission. Invading their privacy!” you growled.

Mr. President blinked at you blankly and judging on his reaction, it almost seemed like he didn’t know what you were talking about. Oh… he’s good.

“Excuse me? What kind of place do you think this is? This isn’t an authoritarian regime.”

You took a step forward to where he sat on the bed, waving your finger, “then explain to me why one of your little minions downstairs told me that.”

“I have no clue who would tell you that… or why.”

“Bucket hat… football,” those are the only two words you can think of to describe him, but you hoped that would be enough. Almost instantly he nodded, “Ah Jaebeom… Yeah he was definitely just fucking with you.”

You took a step back out of shock. This was all a joke? These idiot Lambda Chi boys had been playing you? “So, I took a pull from Grey Goose guy’s bottle for nothing? I came up here for nothing? I walked in on you and Ms. Phi Mu for nothing?”

He ignored your comment about the girl’s sorority, a clear admission that you had been listening through the door, “Grey Goose? Do you mean Youngjae?”

The last fifteen minutes had filled you with enough inconveniences, stress, annoyance and embarrassment to feel like a lifetime… and this was only after one week of living in this house. How were you going to last the entire summer? Deal with all of the parties… the douchey boys objectifying you and treating everything like it was a funny joke. Not to mention their chapter’s President who seemed bitter and rude. Surprisingly attractive… but bitter and rude.

Instead of confirming Mr. President’s suspicions that Grey Goose guy was indeed this Youngjae person, you nodded solemnly towards the direction of his door, “I’m going to my room.”

“Wait… you’re living here over the summer?”

When he asked the question, you begin to feel the alcohol you had consumed earlier. Instead of feeling drunk it made you feel dizzy, tired and heavy. It made you feel even more defeated than you already felt from your sudden reality that this was your life for the next three months.

You threw up an unenthusiastic thumbs up and slowly made your way to the door. He looked at you stunned for your sudden disengagement in the conversation you were having. Although to you it didn’t feel like a conversation. Conversations were meant to be constructive, collaborative… Whatever this was, wasn’t that.

You’re in the doorway when he speaks again, “It’s Mark by the way… for when you dream about me later.”

Clenching your fists, you don’t give him the satisfaction of looking back no matter how much you weirdly want to. To see his fluffy hair, bounce as he shakes his head from side to side, that golden tanned skin, his huge-

That’s enough.

That night it takes you nearly two hours to fall asleep. You spend the first hour with a pillow over your head, trying to drown out the party downstairs. The second however, is spent thinking about one… Mr. President. It makes you feel nauseated and when you finally wake up for work the next the morning, all you can remember is the fluffy hair in your dream.

Four days had passed since the party and you hadn’t run into any of the brothers since then. No Kyle, no bucket hat, no Grey Goose. Or Bambam, Jaebom and Youngjae… or whatever. And no Mark. Not that you had been thinking about seeing him again.

Those four days felt peaceful – normal almost, that was until now. Those calming four days came to an end when you came home from your afternoon shift at work, the guys all sitting on the front porch with beers in their hands.

You were quite aware of “porch” culture amongst the fraternities at your school. The members would drag ratty old indoor furniture such as loveseats and armchairs onto the porch near the front door and sit there for hours. They’d drink their beers, play their loud music and shout things at people walking by. Yes, you knew porch culture very well… It was how you had met your ex-boyfriend.

“Well look who we have here!” Jaebeom – sans bucket hat – shouted as you began walking up the path to the porch, “haven’t seen you since the party sweetheart.”

“Shut up man you can’t say that stuff anymore. Feminism and all that,” Bambam said hitting Jaebeom’s shoulder. If you were held at gunpoint and forced to pick a favorite out of them – it would probably be Bambam. He had done the least to annoy you thus far, but you weren’t holding your breath.

“I’m going inside,” you hoped your emotionless tone is enough to get them to leave you be and just get into the house. You’d rather not spend any more time than you have to with the guys – especially during porch time.

“Heard you got history on the row Y/n,” Youngjae’s words made you stop in your tracks. This was the last thing you wanted to talk about, especially with them. You gave Youngjae a death glare, trying to communicate with him to keep his Grey Goose filled mouth shut.

The way Mark looked up at you behind his IPA doesn’t go unnoticed by you. In his mind he was trying to be discrete. He tried to present a look that was a mixture of intrigue but also indifference, even though in reality he was eager to hear his friend’s story about you.

“Some Sigma Chi history to be more specific,” Youngjae wiggled his eyebrows and you have to stop yourself from slapping the smile off of his face.

If there was anything you truly knew about frat guys, it was that every action they did or thing they said was all meant to get a reaction out whatever person they’re torturing. Acting like you didn’t care was going to bring the stakes down for Youngjae and he would ditch the story altogether. Clearing your throat, you shrugged your shoulders, “yeah so what. It’s history and history is in the past so… that’s all that needs to be said.”

He looked at you with the same stupid smile and it doesn’t falter at all. You must have shown too big of a reaction in your response.

“You dated Ryan for almost a year – I’d say that’s a record for someone at Sigma Chi,” him and the boys laughed – all of them except Mark who’s still looking at you, but pretending not to.

You tell yourself not to get upset, not to get angry or cry – because that’s what they wanted from you. Here they were treating the “relationship” you were in like a joke and you had to remain a stone wall, unaffected. Well fuck that.

“Yeah it was a record for me falling for the stupid and douchery of the typical frat guy who was actually fucking other girls the entire time unbeknownst to me because in actuality he never considered us together. But hey what can you do when you’re dealing with guys who have big egos and small dicks?”

The boys stared at you with blank faces, you swear you see Mark smile behind his bottle.

“Is she talking about us too?” Jaebeom whispered to Bambam, “Dude… I think maybe.” Without another word, you pushed open the front door aggressively, making sure it closes behind you loudly.

You don’t know why you thought your “relationship” with your ex-boyfriend was going to work out. The two of you had met because you had been passing by his house during porch time and he cat called you. What the fuck were you thinking? Even at that point you had thought guys in fraternities were terrible, but for some reason that day you just went along with one of them objectifying you… And you fucking made him into your “boyfriend.” That day you had been feeling insecure and low – that was the only explanation you had for your out of character actions.

Being with Ryan only continued your influx of out of character actions. You spent all you free time with him when you weren’t in school or working. Apparently however, all of his free time hadn’t been spent with you. The truth came out after you had planned on staying with him over the summer at his family’s lake house. It had been something you two had talked about for months and when you were only a month away, he had hit you with a bomb.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this live together thing over the summer. Samantha might get mad.”

To which you had asked, “who’s Samantha?” Then the guy who you had thought was your boyfriend went on to explain how the other girl he was seeing – Samantha – would get jealous if he brought you to the lake house instead of her. The next thing to come out of your mouth was a big “fuck you” and “I never want to see you again.” Hence why your decision to stay at school over the summer was so last minute and you were forced to stay in a fraternity house which was so much like the one your heart had been broken in only a month earlier.

You should have known Ryan wasn’t serious about you – no frat guy at your school would ever be serious with an unaffiliated girl like you. The sex should have told you how serious he was. It would always be the fast, rough kind of fucking where he mostly had you in doggy position or with your mouth around his dick. There was none of the lazy, slow passionate sex that came when you were actually serious or mesmerized by someone.

“What the hell is up with Sigma Chi getting all the hot girls?” you heard Jaebeom ask from the porch. The idiots had left the front window open so anyone could hear what they were talking about – but there weren’t really any boundaries when it came to brotherhood. Instead of leaving and going upstairs, you remained frozen in your spot with an ear positioned to the window. For some reason it seemed like living in this house was turning you into an eavesdropper.

“Guys don’t talk about her like that.” The chiming in from Mark surprised you, he had been so silent outside when you had been present that you didn’t really expect him to defend you.

“Oh really, why?”

“She’s not just a hot girl…” Mark paused for dramatic effect and you can practically hear all the guys on the edge of their seats, “she’s a super-hot girl.” You rolled your eyes as he finished his thought about you, the guys all giving him high fives and verbal agreement.

“So, what do you say Mr. President? Gonna try to hit that?”

Mark didn’t answer the second question, “Mr. President?”

Bambam laughed, “Oh yeah I overheard her on the phone the other night and that’s what she called you.” Okay maybe Bambam was no longer your favorite, “Mr. President and his fluffy hair.” You aren’t sure if you should be embarrassed because of him exposing you or offended because of the voice he uses to mimic your own. You did not sound like that.

Once again, all the guys laugh, but this time you can’t hear Mark’s own stand out giggling in the mix. For some reason you wished you could see his face right now. That’s when you decide it’s probably best to go upstairs.

“Take it, take it all,” Mark growled into your ear as he thrusted into you at a brutal pace. You couldn’t respond to him; your mind was too hazed over with pleasure.

“Wow my cock’s that good that you forgot how to speak? I know you think you’re smarter than me, but it looks like you’re wrong. All it takes is for me to be inside of you for one fucking minute for you to act like you don’t even know your own name.”

He’s right. He’s so right and all you can do is agree with him.

He brings his hand down between the two of you to rest on your clit, tapping his finger at the same pace he pumps into you at. “I know you think I’m a dumb frat boy who’s only good at drinking and partying, but how about now, hmm? Don’t you think I’m good at fucking this tight pussy?”

You awake with a gasp. You’re covered in sweat and your hand has somehow found its way underneath your shorts and underwear. Why the fuck were you having a sex dream about Mark? It felt like your entire body was on fire, even your fan being on the high setting wasn’t going to help you in cooling down.

Getting out of bed, you decided to head downstairs to the kitchen. What you needed was a popsicle and a bag of ice. The ice was to help how hot you felt, the popsicle was a distraction from thinking about whatever the fuck your subconscious had just come up with.

“Hello?” The voice coming out of nowhere causes you to jump as you swing one of the freezers in the large kitchen open. You attempted to squint your eyes in the darkness to make out who the voice belongs too, but it’s too difficult to see.

“If you keep your eyes like that, you’re going to ruin your vision,” the lowness of the voice takes you back to only moments ago in your room when you had been hot and absolutely bothered. It was the same voice from your dream.

“What are you doing down here?” you asked, moving your head around the space, still unable to properly see him.

Suddenly, Mark’s face comes into view as he stepped closer to you so he could be seen in the light of the freezer, he’s so close, you hold your breath, “what? No hello?”

You scoffed, “I usually don’t when people are just down here sitting in the dark.” Mark doesn’t respond to your comment about him lurking and positioned his glance to where your hand was placed in the freezer, “feeling hot?” Your eyes went wide, “w-what?”

He pointed to you hand resting on the box of popsicles, “the popsicles…” Laughing awkwardly you pulled one out from the package and go to reach for an ice pack, “oh… yeah.”

Mark nodded his head, “it’s pretty hot tonight… That’s why I came down here. You know heat rises and all that stuff… I’m on the third floor so…” he drifted off and his tone sounds off, unlike when you had first met him. He almost sounded nervous?

“Listen… I want to apologize for the guys on the porch the other day. They brought up all that stuff about you and your Sigma Chi dude… and it wasn’t cool.” You don’t think about the fact that he called you super-hot and laughed with all the guys, but instead you focus on how surprisingly genuine Mark sounded.

“I’m sorry too about coming into your room and ruining your night.”

“Nah you didn’t ruin my life,” there’s a weird pause and it makes you look away from him, but he’s quick to continue, “I mean that girl was just some stupid Phi Mu bimbo.” Without thinking about it, you hit his arm and he flinched at the pain, “ow!”

“You can’t call a woman stupid or a bimbo just because she wouldn’t sleep with you!” He placed his hands up in surrender, “Sorry, sorry! I’m still learning.”

Mark reached behind you into the freezer and grabbed a popsicle himself. When his arm brushes your shoulder and he gets close enough that you can feel his breath on your face you feel the same pulsing in your core from your dream.

“You should probably eat that… It’ll melt,” he motioned to the popsicle in your hand once he’s back in his original spot, “and close the freezer.”

“Right…” you nodded. It felt like you suddenly lost all intellect when you were around this guy, what was happening to you? It had happened with Ryan… but not on this scale at all.

Shutting the freezer, you’re both met with the darkness of the kitchen. This time you’re able to focus in on Mark’s face despite it being pitch black, both of you opening the wrappers of your icy dessert.

“Besides…” Mark began, going back to the previous topic, “from what I’ve learned… sorority girls are trouble. Not really what I’m looking for. I’d much rather be with someone unaffiliated.” His words caused you to choke on your popsicle, coughing until you feel like there’s no breath in you. Mark’s thankful for the darkness, otherwise you’d see his smile at you being so caught off guard.

“Are you okay?” He asked patting your back, just as you’re at the end of your coughing fit.

You nodded your head, but then realize he probably couldn’t see your gesture at being fine, “yeah I’m okay… just… went down the wrong pipe, ya know?”

“Oh, I know.” The way he said it almost suggests something, but you try not to think about it. Otherwise your panties were going to get more damp than they already were from earlier.

Mark takes a deep breath in and sighs after a moment, “I know you think I’m a dumb frat boy who’s only good at drinking and partying-” he began, but you cut him off immediately when you recognize his choice of words.

No fucking way.

They were the words from your dream. You felt your heart beat out of your chest and you became worried. You really didn’t want to hear what he was going to say next.

“I’m going to bed!”

“What?” Mark feels confused at your sudden announcement and the way you quickly rush out of the kitchen, the sound of your feet running up the stairs the only reply to his question.

You were strange… that was for sure. But he kinda liked it.

Smiling to himself, Mark finished up his popsicle in the darkness and headed upstairs to go to sleep.

“Mark fuck… please fuck me.”

“Oh, is that all you want from me? Is that all I’m good for?”

You aren’t sure what to say, what you need to do to convince him. “N-no.”

“Then tell me… what do you want from me... Really?”

The quick racing of your heart awoke you from your dream. Fuck… not another one.

Should you go see a therapist? Why was this happening to you? It was the third night in a row you had woken up to a Mark Tuan sex dream. This one however, felt different. Unlike the two before it where he was rough with you – this one it seemed like dream you wanted more. Of course, dream you wanted to still be fucked senseless by him – aka the frat boy way – but she was also holding back. She wanted more. She wanted something else. But what?

Climbing out of your bed, you trail down the hallway to the bathroom.

During normal term time all of the bathrooms were for the guys living in the house, but luckily for you they made a few of the bathrooms in the house “ladies only” for the few girls living in the house over the summer. You pushed the door of the bathroom open, being met with the now familiar poorly drawn and weirdly sexual woman stick figure picture taped over original sign.

Expecting to see an empty bedroom, you felt your jaw drop to the floor at Mark’s naked figure in the shower. He hadn’t even bothered closing the curtain.

You felt like you couldn’t move, you felt like you couldn’t think. With his eyes closed under the stream of water, your eyes trailed down his muscular shoulders to his toned abdomen, slowly going down to his length. The same one you had been dreaming about for the last three nights and your fantasies certainly didn’t do it justice.

Before you could truly comprehend the creepiness level of what you were doing, you heard Mark yelp in shock.

“What are you doing!” he yelled, grabbing the curtain from the side and moving it over the lower half of his body.

Your mouth went dry, “I-I-” You attempted to say something, but you felt your eyes watch the droplets of water that cascade down his skin.

“Y/n!” His words snapped you back into motion and you look up at him. It was difficult to say whether the redness on his cheeks were coming from the heat of the water or from his embarrassment of the situation. Mark himself wasn’t sure.

“I- this is the girl’s bathroom. Why are you in here?”

“This bathroom has the best water pressure in the house… I thought since it was so late no one would come in,” he stuttered.

Even though you’re supposed to be having a conversation with him, you find yourself still thinking about how he looked when you first walked in. How long and thick his cock was.

Still recovering from your dream and the peep show you had just been exposed to, you find yourself moving closer to the shower, “you didn’t even close the curtain… It’s almost like you wanted someone to come in here and find you.” He doesn’t say anything, but you make no mistake of noticing the way he grips the curtain harder against his body and the way his breathing gets heavier.

“Did you want someone to find you?” You’re so close to him now that you can feel the steam from the shower opening your pores.

Mark licked his lips, “maybe I wanted you to come find me.”

“Maybe or you did?”

“You know… you do kind of owe me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. What was he talking about? Weren’t you guys being all sexy? Weren’t you about to do something?

At your nonresponse he smirked and dropped the curtain, revealing all of himself to you once again, “you cockblocked me, so now it’s time for you to make up for it.”

Just like that with your core beginning to throb almost painfully at how much it wants to be touched, you’re set into motion. You join him in the shower, not even caring about getting your pajamas wet. It’s almost as if no logic matters in this moment to you, instead it’s all about you and Mark and your desires for one another.

He pulled you into a heated kiss, pulling you flush against his soaking wet body. You feel his length pressed up against you and you moaned instinctively at the feeling. Your hands roam up and down his body, feeling those muscles you had been obsessing over since your first encounter, stopping when your hand reaches his hardened member.

Instantly Mark groaned out at the feeling of your hand slowly stroking him. He had already felt sensitive and worked up as he had already been thinking about having you under him before you had entered the bathroom.

Mark’s noises send you into another moment of not caring about reality as you kneeled down before him. In any other situation you would be disgusted at the fact that you were willingly on your knees on the floor of a frat’s shower, but this wasn’t any other situation.

You plunge yourself onto him, mouth wide and your tongue lapping at his head. The sudden and almost vicious sucking nearly caused Mark to lose his balance and slip. You pay no mind to the water cascading down your back and beginning to weigh down your hair as you feel yourself be spurred on by the grunts and moans leaving Mark’s mouth.

As you moved more him into your mouth getting a mixture of pre-cum and water dripping from the corners of your lips, you felt Mark buck his hips into you further. The sudden fullness in your mouth until his head was at the back of your throat made you choke around him, Mark bringing his hand to the top of your head to stroke your hair.

“I know how good you are at choking. I know how much you love it, keep fucking going.”

The vibrations from you moaning at his words caused Mark to throw his head back, “show me how much you want my cum. Moan for me, show me.”

Bobbing your head up and down his length, you make no mistake as you continue your noises around him – not for his benefit, but you genuinely felt turned on at just giving him head.

“Fuck, I’m gonna-” before he finished his thought, you felt his warm release in your mouth and you make sure to swallow it instantly.

The sounds of the shower running and Mark’s heavy breathing, coming down from his climax fill the bathroom. It feels like you could just stay here on your knees forever listening to the sounds and you would be fine.

Once Mark catches his breath, he leant down to grab your hand and lifted you up off the wet – and probably filthy – ground. He pulls you into his arms and placed a kiss on your forehead, “damn what the hell am I going to do with you?”

It’s like his words mean more than what he’s going to do with you in the bedroom and somehow that is the thing that finally snapped you into reality. It’s not seeing him naked; it’s not kissing him; it’s not getting down on your knees and suck him dry and it certainly isn’t swallowing his cum. What the hell am I going to do with you?

What the hell was he going to do with you? And what the hell were you going to do with him? The two of you didn’t make sense and you had to remind yourself that you were in a frat house… doing things of a sexual nature with a frat bro. You were not going to find yourself trapped like you were with Ryan. You had sworn off the kind of guy Mark is. You needed to leave it here… no matter how wet and turned on you were right now.

You took a step back, away from Mark and out of his arms, “I- um I should get dry.”

Mark took a step forward and you took another back. He cocked his head to the side, “well… let me help you.” His seductive gaze doesn’t go unnoticed to you, but you have to think with your head for a second. You had already gone against your own “no more frat boys, they can’t commit” beliefs once, you couldn’t do it a second time. You had to quit while you were ahead.

“I’m going to head to bed,” you stepped down from the shower and onto the bathroom tile. Mark lost for words at your sudden distance, “what? Why? Let me take care of you… You haven’t-” Waving your hands, you cut him off not wanting to hear it, “Mark… Don’t. Let’s just leave this at this. Me blowing you because I owed you one…” when it comes out of your mouth, you realize just how ridiculous it all sounded.

Mark took a step toward you, also coming out of the shower and reached to grab his towel, wrapping it around his waist. “Leave it at this? Y/n… I don’t think you understand, I-”

“Mark, I know the kind of guy you are. It’s who your friends are, it’s who all the guys living in this house are, it’s who my fucking ex-boyfriend was. I really can’t do another guy who’s just going to fuck me like I’m an object and be under his charming douchey spell, thinking that he’s all mine. I already did it once and if I did it twice, I think it would kill me. I’m sorry if I led you on or whatever by sucking your dick and making you think that we were going to fuck… and as much as my body wants to, I know it would be smart for me.”

Despite the seriousness of your words and confession, Mark found himself chuckling at the end of your monologue. He’s laughing at your word choice of “sorry if I led you on or whatever by sucking your dick,” but you don’t think about it that way. You think he’s laughing at all of it.

Typical frat guy, you think.

When he noticed the way, your mouth turned into a frown, he feels his heart leap out of his chest. He didn’t want to see you upset… ever. If he could just take some time to talk out how he was feeling to you, then maybe you’d understand how he was – “Goodnight Mark. I’d ask you not to tell you friends about this, but I know you will.”

And just like that you’re gone.

Two weeks and there had been no words exchanged between you and Mark. He had tried countless times to get your attention and talk to you, but you acted as if he didn’t exist. It didn’t go unnoticed by the other people in the house. Bambam prided himself on picking up on sexual tension and when he saw the way you and Mark acted around each other on that day on the porch, he felt it. Sure, the two of you hadn’t said anything, but Bambam could feel the pull between the two of you.

Although previously you didn’t talk to Mark that often in general, Bambam could sense something had happened – something wasn’t right between the two of you. It made him upset to see his brother so down, so… emotional.

“Guys… We have to do something about this Mark and Y/n situation,” Bambam said as he watched Jaebeom and Youngjae practice their beer pong aim in the backyard.

Youngjae looked at him confused, “what do you mean Mark and Y/n situation? There’s something going on there?”

Bambam felt like he wanted to hit him. How Youngjae could be so clueless? He wasn’t sure. “Do you not understand basic human emotions?” The older boy blinked at him mindlessly, before going back to throw the ball at the cups on the other side of the table.

“So anyways… I was thinking we could-”

“That was two! That was two! It totally hit the side of the other cup before it went in!” Youngjae yelled, interrupting Bambam’s big idea.

“Are you kidding? No way. Just take the one or I won’t even give you that,” Jaebeom rolled his eyes, he had enough of Youngjae’s cheating.

“What do you mean you won’t even give me that one? It went in!”

“Guys!” Bambam yelled, interrupting their bickering over the trivial game. They both looked at him with wide eyes, “Can you listen to me? I have a plan.”

Yawning, you decided it was probably time to head in for the night. It had been another long week of trying not to think about Mark.

You barely knew anything about the guy… but for some reason you had this weird pull to him. Deep inside your stomach you had this feeling telling you that this was the guy for you, he could be the one. You pushed it all down, your mind was just playing tricks on you – you were delusional thinking he could be the one.

Heading down the hallway to the bathroom – yes, the same bathroom – to brush your teeth you spot Youngjae coming down the corner. You tried your best to avoid his gaze, it was better safe than sorry to just proceed by ignoring Mark’s friends too.

Out of the corner of your eye as you pass one another, you notice the strange way he stares at you. It’s almost in a diabolical way… but that wouldn’t make sense, right?

Weird.

You’re probably on your sixth yawn when you finally head back to your room, reaching the door and going to turn the handle. Except… the handle won’t turn and your door won’t open.

No, this can’t be happening right now…

Trying again a few more times, you realize it had somehow locked on you. And you… like the idiot you are, left the key inside when you went to the bathroom. Was God playing some kind of sick joke on you? How were you supposed to go to sleep tonight?

That’s when it dawned on you that there was only one option.

The President has a master key to all the rooms

Jaebeom’s words flashed in your head over and over again. You tried to think of something else that could get you back in your room and under your warm covers tonight, but you come up short. You had to go up to Mark’s room.

Slowly going up the stairs to the third floor, you find yourself on the borderline of passing out at how completely nauseous and lightheaded you feel. The only way you could truly make this out alive was if you just pretended to be confident.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The door swung open immediately after the third knock, Mark looking surprised to see you at his door.

He felt his hands grow clammy, “Uh… What’s up?”

“I-I locked myself out of my room… And I heard the President as the master key so… here I am.” Mark felt his heart fall at the reason for your visit. Some stupid part of him had thought that maybe you were here for him and not a key to your room, “yeah… just give me a minute.”

Mark stepped inside and you reluctantly follow him, letting the door shut behind you with a bang. Both of you jump at the noise and softly laugh when you notice.

“I get scared easily,” you mumbled.

Mark snorted, “I can tell.”

Crossing your arms, you moved towards him, “What’s that supposed to me?”

“What do you think? That you’re too scared to explore anything you have with someone, because you got hurt once. Tough, Y/n but getting hurt and let down is a part of life,” he looked at you once as he fumbled through his drawer, looking for the key.

“It’s not just that I’ve been hurt. You’re a-” He cut you off, rolling his eyes done with your overdone argument, “I’m a frat guy, I get it. We’re all the same, blah blah blah. Save it for your dissertation on how I’m scum for your Psych class or whatever.”

“I don’t think you’re scum,” you said softly.

Mark shut the drawer, unable to locate the key in this part of his desk and turned to you, “then why do you hate me so much?”

You shuffled in place, unsure of what do with all of these pent-up feelings that not even you were sure how to describe – and you were the one feeling them. “I don’t hate you. In fact, that’s the problem… I like you so much, I’m so attracted to you and I barely know you! I’ve had so many dreams about you that it’s made it all even worse.”

Before you could stop him, you felt Mark’s lips on yours and you find yourself being suffocated again – sidetracked from your original intentions of forgetting him. However, the way his mouth moved against yours and the way his tongue slipped past the crease of your lips made you not care. But of course, he was a good kisser, he probably did this all the time to all the girls.

You felt his fingers grip the hem of your top. He bunched the material just below your breasts as his hands splayed across your ribcage. He allowed you to pull away, your chest heaving and your eyes closed, before he tugged the material of your top up and over your head. The two of you looked at each other, as if absorbing what the two of you were doing.

When he dropped the fabric onto the floor, he moved his mouth to your neck. He can’t help himself as he marked your collarbones with his teeth, every inch of you is practically covered with marks when he’s done. While your mind is caught up in the feeling of his lips on your neck, his hands moved to cup your breasts.

He made you feel so damn good, you didn’t care anymore.

“Mark,” you breathed as you shifted your head to give him better access, “d-do whatever you want. Fuck me however you want. Just do something.”

You could feel the vibrations of Mark’s laughter against your neck as he reached around your back to unsnap your bra before he pulled away to watch the material fall to the floor. His eyes glued to your chest for a moment, his pupils darkening with lust, before he returned his lips to yours in a heated kiss.

Your hands dipped beneath the fabric of his t-shirt. You allowed your hands a moment to roam, before you break the kiss and tugged the material of his shirt up and over his head. Once again you feel hypnotized by his chest, just as you had been the first night you met him. You wanted to trace your finger over every muscle, every vain and every inch of skin. Mark helped you out of your pajama pants and returned his lips to your neck.

“As much as I would love to do fuck you until you feel me in every single part of your body, I want to take my time. To show you just how beautiful you are, just how much I want you.”

In your sex induced brain you have a moment of clarity to consider his words. Take his time? Weren’t frat boys supposed to be rushed, quick and just be rough with you? You had not a doubt in your mind that Mark would be able to deliver on that, based on how he had first acted around you… but slow? Sensual? Was he even capable of that? You weren’t expecting him to be so… soft and delicate. It wasn’t a part of his brand.

This time when Mark brings his lips back to you, they’re much softer – he kissed you at an unhurried pace as if he had all the time in the world with you. He gently nudged you to lay on your back, your fingers going to tangle themselves in his fluffy hair. He brings his fingers to curl at the waistband of your panties, “is this okay?” he breathed against your lips. You feel yourself begin to grow more wet at his ask for consent.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, your eyes closed and your hands tugging at his hair, “more than okay.”

With your permission, Mark slipped his hand into your panties. Brushing your folds lazily, his fingers gentle and unhurried as he allowed you to pull away and catch your breath. When he brushes your clit and felt yourself jolt in surprise beneath him. He attached his lips to your neck and began pressing kisses along the column of your throat.

No words are spoken as you moved one hand from his hair and gently squeezed his hardening cock over his sweats. Mark moaned against your skin and moved his fingers a little quicker but not changing his lazy pace as he worked to rile you up. It doesn’t take long as he slipped a finger into your heat and hears you release a content sigh at the feeling.

“You’re so gorgeous usually,” he whispered against the column of your throat as one of his hands go up to pay attention to your breasts, kneading them gently. “But, fuck, you’re even better naked.”

At that you laughed, “You’re not so bad yourself Mr. President, you know for a frat guy and all.” He smiled at you, capturing your lips in another kiss, nudging his sweatpants and briefs down.

The continual strokes of his fingers, working you open along with his hand on your breast makes you feel dizzy. You attempt to focus your attention elsewhere, pressing kisses to his heated skin as he rubbed your clit with his thumb.

You could feel Mark shifting above you, reaching for the stash of condoms next to his bed, before he ripped open the foil packet and pulled away to roll the latex onto his length. His slowness practically drove you to insanity, you just wanted him inside of you now.

“Mark please, I want it.”

Smiling at you, he leaned forward to press a kiss on your forehead, “princess you’re going to get it all.”

Mark returned his lips to yours as he sank into you. His pace is slow, lazy and soft, as he began fucking into you. You had always thought that slow and sensual sex was the best kind of sex, but maybe you were wrong. With Mark it felt like your whole body was on fire – it was pure torture. The way he jutted his hips into you at a rhythm had your core aching for more. It was like all of your senses were heightened, everything felt so much more pleasureful with the way your body was hanging on every thrust.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck and groaned as he felt you tug at his hair again. You felt like you were going to go insane and you needed something to grab onto. For you, Mark was willing to do or be whatever you wanted – something he had never remotely thought of doing for anyone ever, including the guys in the fraternity. He was ready to be at your beck and call, to take you like this – making you feel every single stroke, every single time pump into you.

Mark brings his hand between the two of you back to your core and circled your clit once again, allowing you to fall over the edge. “I know you’re going to look so pretty when you cum, please cum for me. I’ve been thinking about it since that night in the shower.”

His mention of the shower brings you back to thinking about how good it felt to have him in your mouth, how good he tasted when he came on your tongue, how much you’d like to be on your knees for him again. These final thoughts have you clenching around Mark, his groaning getting more consistent telling you that he’s close. He nipped at your skin and sucked the spot under your jaw at the same time he thrusted himself at a semi-faster pace, hitting your g-spot. That finally makes every part of your body go numb, and you feel your hips buck forward involuntarily, everything in you spasming.

As he watched your strong release and felt your walls throb around him, Mark began falling over the edge himself. You felt his hips stutter, his breathing shallow, and his hand clenched your hip firmly as he spilled into the condom and you found yourself wanting the moment to last forever as he remained on top of you. You feel him everywhere, warm and solid and entirely him. He pressed a kiss to your lips, another lazy peck, before he pulled away to tie the condom, tossing it somewhere on the ground of his messy room.

“Are you really just going to throw that on the ground?” you laughed. Mark shrugged, “what if you forget about it later?”

He smiled, wrapping his arms around your naked body and brings you as close to him as he can, “nah there’s no way I would forget this.”

Two Months Later

It was hard to believe that summer was finally ending and the new school year was right around the corner. No longer would be stuck in what you once considered was your own personal Hell – the Lambda Chi Alpha house.

The personal Hell had somehow shaped itself into one of the biggest blessings of your life. It had given you Mark Tuan.

“Finally, you’re home!” Mark smiled, patting the open spot next to him on the love seat at your return from work.

As soon as you plopped down, Mark pulled you close to him, resting one arm around your shoulder and the other on your thigh, “want the aux cord?” he mumbled into your shoulder, nuzzling the side of his head against it.

“No! She always gets aux cord when she’s porchin’ it up with us! It’s not fair! She plays that weird K-pop stuff and makes us the laughing stock of the whole street!” Jaebeom whined.

You laughed, “Don’t knock it until you try it!”

“I have tried it and I hate it,” Jaebeom quipped back, crossing his arms to show his firm disagreement on the matter.

“Fine let’s do One Direction this time.”

“Like that’s any better!”

“Can you guys shut up I’m trying to think of something to say to that girl,” Youngjae grumbled in annoyance at your bickering with Jaebeom.

You looked to see a girl walking by the house. Judging on her large backpack, casual clothes and tired face she had been at the library. You doubt she would be up for any unwarranted cat calling. “Don’t say anything!”

Youngjae looked at you confused, “what… I’m trying to shoot my shot.”

“As a girl, please trust me when I say don’t.” Youngjae pursed his lips in thought, “not even if I just tell her she has a nice smile?” You look at the girl frowning, “she’s not smiling and no not even that.”

“Get a load of this guy,” Bambam said as a guy in Phi Kappa Tau letters walks by – most likely to his house. Judging on all of the times you’ve spent on the porch with the boys now, you knew what was coming. Standing up, he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “PHI KAPPA TAU SUCKS.” The guy turned to the porch, eyeing Bambam and flipped him off.

Sitting down, Bambam shakes his head, “it’s because he knows it’s true.”

“Will you ever listen to me and realize that it’s stupid to shout at another frat?” you asked.

Bambam shook his head firmly, “you can’t just get rid of tradition Y/n.”

Mark firmly nuzzled his head into your shoulder again, kissing the side of your neck, “pay attention to me.” A clingy boyfriend might be annoying to some people and at one point in time you also thought that way, but with Mark you couldn’t get enough of it. The way that he was so dominant and attentive in the bedroom, but then so needy and clingy when it came to being in public. Especially when you were with the other guys.

“Anything for my number one frat star,” you cooed, pinching his cheek.

“You know I hate it when you call me that!” Mark whined, “you pay more attention to the guys then you do to me.” As he pouted you leaned in to give him a peck, but instead he brings the hand resting on your thigh up to cup your cheek, deepening the kiss. Youngjae, Jaebeom and Bambam all groan.

“Y/n?” Your name being called breaks you out your bubble with Mark. The bubble that made you feel like you two were the only people in the world that existed. Pulling apart from his lips, you both turned to see who the culprit is that ruined your moment.

“What the hell are you doing at Lambda?” Ryan asked. It doesn’t hurt to see him again; it was just annoying.

“Back from your lake house I take it Sigma Chi?” Mark asked. You had told Mark everything about what went down with you and Ryan – and if looks could kill… Ryan would already be in his grave.

“I’m not talking to you,” Ryan rolled his eyes, “what the hell are you doing at Lambda?” He asked again.

Without thinking about it, you find yourself standing up and cupping your hands around your mouth just as Bambam had done earlier, “SIGMA CHI SUCKS!”

Ryan couldn’t believe his eyes, he stood there blankly on the sidewalk in front of the house, “what? Very funny Y/n… I know you don’t mean-”

You do it again, “SIGMA CHI SUCKS!” The boys on the porch with you begin to laugh.

Ryan pointed a finger towards you, waving it in the air, “now just wait a minute-”

“SIGMA CHI SUCKS!”

Your ex-boyfriend clenched his jaw, “You weren’t even a good fuck anyways!” The words should hurt you, but they don’t because you know it’s not true.

“Uh… Yeah she fucking is,” Mark retorted, standing up next to you, “why don’t you go home Sigma Chi?” And just like that, you and the guys on the porch have your second middle finger of the day – this time from your ex-boyfriend.

As he walked off in the direction of the Sigma Chi house you all laughed at how blatantly offended, he was at just the fact that you had said his frat sucked. It was middle school taunting, but of course it would work on someone like Ryan. Ryan was a special breed of asshole and it makes you feel stupid to think that you had once grouped Mark with him. All of the Lambda boys.

Mark kisses your shoulder, “what are you thinking about?” His smile melted you – it always does. He was one you had been waiting for and somehow your body and subconscious knew it before you did.

“Just how happy I am to have you by my side Mr. President.”

“I’m happy to have you by my side too,” Mark hummed, but soon he pauses, “unless it’s during beer pong… because you really suck.”

“Mark!”

#got7 fanfic #got7 smut #mark tuan fanfic #mark tuan #got7 #mark tuan smut #got7 drabble #got7 one shot #got7 fic #got7 blurb

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

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lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf.

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you.

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity.

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it.

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion.

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard.

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others.

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary.

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :)

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important.

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems.

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things.

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.)

or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me.

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model.

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well.

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3

#LION SECONDARY #badger secondary model #bird secondary model #lion primary #sortme #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #submission

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warship005 · 4 years

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Why people prefer the relationship between Geralt and Jaskier more than the one between him and Yennefer

DISCLAIMER: This is all based on my opinion. Also, this is not an anti-Yennefer post. I just wanted to post my thoughts on why we weren’t as drawn to the ship as the showrunners thought we will be.

WARNING: This could’ve been better structured but I needed to get the idea out of my head before I forgot it, so sorry if it’s a bit messy.

Well, let’s get to business then! Here’s why we instinctively decided to NOT ship Yennefer x Geralt as much as Jaskier x Geralt, and it all boils down to one episode.

Episode 5 was meant to be the moment when two of the main timelines of the show finally clash and we see two of our protagonists finally meet. How does that go?

...

Look, I’ll be honest here...Episode 5 did a bad job at making the viewers root for the relationship between Geralt and Yen. Why? Well...

1) Um...do we have time for that? Geralt, Jaskier is dying--GERALT! STOP LOOKING AT BOOBS WHILE YOUR BARD IS GROWING ONE ON HIS NECK!

I could’ve focused on the relationship between Geralt and Yen and actually root for it if the timing wasn’t so terrible. The only reason why Geralt meets Yen in the first place is because of Jaskier (who ends up becoming a motif throughout all the scenes Geralt and Yen share together in this episode).

And it’s not even a good reason. Geralt states it again and again that he was there because Jaskier was hurt and needed help.

Also, when Yennefer asks about his insomnia during the bathtub scene, he states that impending death (Jaskier) was a bit more important than his own problems.

So yeah, even Geralt of Rivia, the “I have no feelings nor friends” White Wolf acknowledges what is more important at the moment, AKA making sure Jaskier doesn’t die.

That’s why having to watch both of them give bedroom eyes to each other felt very awkward and out of place and no amount of background orgy could change that.

The orgy is also the only reason the flirting doesn’t seem out of place to us. Think about it.

2) The infamous bathtub scenes (this is a long one boys)

What’s funny about this one is that both Jaskier and Yennefer had a bathtub scene with Geralt, and where one failed, the other succeed to make fans root for the ship like no tomorrow.

The first bathtub scene we see is the one from episode 4 with Jaskier.

Then the one from episode 5 with Yennefer.

Let’s compare them a bit, shall we?

JASKIER BATHTUB SCENE:

When Jaskier gives Geralt a bath, it’s because he pretty much needs it. He’s covered head to toe in monster guts and needs to be clean for the party Jaskier asked him to attend to as his bodyguard.

During this scene, Jaskier actually washes Geralt, which is the main point of a bath to be honest. Along with that, we get some funny interactions between the two, which do a good job at helping us understand the relationship between these characters:

Jaskier being too slutty for his own good. Geralt being too edgy for his own good. Both being able to see through each other’s bullshit (”How many of these lords wanna kill you?” and “So you just let strangers rub chamomile on your lovely bottom?”).

We also get to see Jaskier being very comfortable with doing things around Geralt that would probably get many fools killed in the process, such as taking away his drink because “he should stay sobber” or being very casual around Geralt, whose facial expression screams bloody murder.

And how can I talk about this scene without bringing up the icing on the cake

Geralt: I don’t need anyone. And the last thing I want is someone needing me.

Jaskier: And yet, here we are...

So yeah, what makes the scene with Jaskier great is the fact that it advanced the plot and did a good job of presenting the characters and their personalities.

YENNEFER BATHTUB SCENE

Let’s look at the scene where Geralt takes a bath with Yennefer. Some of yall gonna be real mad at me, but I have to say it: This scene did not need to happen like that.

No amount of naked Henry Cavill is gonna fix it. They needed an excuse to show both of them naked next to each other otherwise we wouldn’t find their talk romantic or something.

I rewatched both bathtub scenes, and during the one with Yennefer, Geralt doesn’t wash at all. The only reason why that scene even happens is because, according to Yennefer, Geralt smelled so bad you could guess his horse breed.

Does he do anything to fix that? Nope. He just stands there naked and brooding while Yennefer joins him for some reason, despite that water probably being gross as fuck if what she said about his smell was true.

And she’s the only one who washes between the two... if you can call that a wash. She just grabs a sponge and rubs it a bit around her neck and that’s all.

The dialogue was cute, and it showcased their personalities a bit, but as I’ve mentioned, it didn’t need to happen in a bathtub.

Here’s how I’d fix the scene:

They’re both in the same room and Yennefer needs to change from her black dress into that more comfortable white one. She tells Geralt to turn around while she does, and their conversation goes as it happened in the bathtub. After she’s done, she hands him his new clothes and tells him that she’ll accept their conversation as payment enough...but only if he takes a bath (aka what happened BEFORE the bathtub scene). Then it cuts to him, fully changed and clean, walking into the room where Jaskier is asleep and the episode resumes as usual.

3) Wow, she really did that...

I’ll bring up something that kinda makes many people not that fond of the ship, AKA Yennefer kinda mind-controlling Geralt and sending him to attack the people who wanted Yennefer out of the town.

In her way of getting revenge from them, she made Geralt get the death penalty tho.

We’ve seen Geralt fight before and win, but this situation seemed kinda lost until he found out he was the one with the wishes. His wish to make the guard’s head blow up was probably the only reason he got out of there alive.

4) ”She saved your life”

They really could’ve convinced us to ship Geralt and Yennefer during the last few mins of the episode, but they just decided to replace “relationship development” with “sex scene” because, hey, we didn’t know by now that Geralt was a slut.

What happened before that was way worse for their development tho.

So, Jaskier leaves the building, bumps into Geralt and they begin to walk away until Geralt realizes Yennefer is about to die inside. He then decides to go there and save her despite almost getting him killed.

If Geralt had a greater sense of self-worth, he probably would’ve walked away, but he still decided to go save her because she’s the love interest after all, right?

The thing is... When Jaskier stops him, Geral doesn’t mention anything about how great Yennefer is, or how nobody deserves to die or how she doesn’t deserve such a fate.

No no. His only argument is that she saved Jaskier. So yeah, even in a moment meant to build up their relationship, Geralt mentions doing something because of Jaskier.

Somehow, everything between those two in this episode had a little bit of Jaskier in it. Even during the sex scene, we see Jaskier for a few seconds.

5) “Just a friend, I hope?”

This one is more for the shits and giggles, but the fact that Yennefer has to ask twice in the episode if Jaskier was “just a friend” is a bit...like, even she was uncertain whether to hit on him or not.

In conclusion.

Episode 5 really did a poor job at making the viewers root for the relationship between Geralt and Yennefer. The good scenes they had were outshined by the bad scenes and this gets worse with episode 6.

We had 4 episodes to get used to Geralt and Jaskier together. But Yennefer and Geralt? We had episode 5, which was a mess, and episode 6, which was a time skip.

You see, because it’s a time skip instead of seeing their relationship develop better after they’ve met, we’re just told that Geralt kept Yennefer as his booty call over the years and that they PROBABLY had some sweet moments together.

The only good scene these two had was the tent scene from episode 6, but that’s forgotten immediately because of the argument they have on top of the mountain.

And you can see how much the fans cared about Geralt and Yennefer together because at the end of the episode most of them were weeping from what Geralt said to Jaskier than from the argument he had with Yennefer.

So yeah, blame it on the poorly structured episode 5.

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #geralt of rivia #geralt #Yennefer of Vengerberg #yennefer #jaskier #meta #is this a meta post?#i dunno #i'm just rambling #i can't do deep character analysis in school to save my life #but ask me about the gayness in show #and i end up writing long posts like this #lol #anyway #carry on with your day

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v3nusaphr0d1t3 · 3 years

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i’m so tasty and the price is right (shigadabi)

crossposted on ao3: <3 rating: explicit content warning: shameless porn, name-calling, both feminine & masculine terms used for ftm genitals, uhhhh i think thats it, hit me if i’m wrong tomura has an onlyfans and dabi helps him out for the viewers

tomura shigaraki, the anxiety-riddled, anger-filled, screaming child prodigy turned drop-out streamer that dabi was currently rooming with, had an onlyfans. dabi had only found this out through coincidence one night when he, for the first time, actually grabbed the mail on his way up. tomura had a bunch of perverted letters sent in from fans, all knowing him by his streamer name ‘decay’. they called him by his given name in the letters, something that shocked dabi and made it even funnier to read through.

his first instinct was to charge into tomura’s room to question him on it. and dabi wasn’t really a thinking man, so that’s what he did. he charged in with the letters in his hand, interrupting tomura’s stream as he scrambled to mute himself.

“what the fuck do you want, dabi?” his raspy voice stuck in a permanent whine. it was honestly kinda cute sometimes. it was very easy to antagonize the poor boy, so dabi did it as often as he could get away with before tomura started threatening him. and not that dabi was scared of tomura— he could easily beat his ass at this point in time, all made up of scrawny limbs and long-term malnourishment. the only times he ate a real actual meal were when dabi reminded him and/or provided him with food. it put another pang of worry in dabi’s chest that he chose, again, to ignore.

tomura’s eyes scanned dabi, falling onto the papers in his hands with a confused expression.

“what?” tomura repeated, “what’s that shit?”

dabi’s grin was maniacal.

“nothing, nothing,” dabi moved them behind his back, “only your creepy fan letters. from your fans.” there was a beat of silence before tomura’s face heated up and he stomped over, trying his hardest to grab at the letters dabi held.

“dude, why didn’t you tell me you were a pornstar? that’s like—” his laughing was cut off with a cough as he held the papers above their heads, shaking them to taunt tomura even more. tomura eventually jumped and snatched them out of dabi’s hands, shoving them in his trash can and going to sit back in his chair. he paused his stream as dabi caught his breath.

tomura took a deep (slightly crackly) breath, and started a practiced monologue, “i’m not a pornstar, i just hold… extra liveshows later on for more cash because streaming doesn’t exactly pay the best and for certain legal reasons i can’t really get a good job. so i basically just…” he sighed and winced a bit, “i record myself jacking off?” his sentence ended in more of an uncertain question than a statement, almost as if he was scared. “i don’t do it when you’re home, or at least i try not to, and i don’t bug you with it, so i don’t see why it would matter—”

his rambling was cut off as tomura looked up to see dabi suddenly being a lot closer than he remembered.

“that’s fuckin’ hot, no apologies needed.” dabi’s voice was lower than usual, setting tomura’s face even further on fire, lighting up red as he covered his face.

“what the hell, freakshow, you can’t just say shit like that—” tomura said, muffled through his hands.

“but i can, and i will. you know i’m a pretty honest man, creep.” dabi chuckled. “now are you gonna let me fuck you up on your little stream or what?” he leaned down to be level with tomura who was still sat in his chair.

there was only silence from tomura’s end.

“c’mon, won’t another dude be good for business? i promise i’ll take good care of you.” dabi got even closer with these words, trapping tomura in with his hands on the elbow rests, mouthing filthy promises in his ear.

“okay. we can take turns blowin’ each other.” tomura grumbled, pushing at dabi’s shoulders to move him from his position over him. “but i gotta finish off this stream first, i’ll come get you when it’s time. get cleaned up and shit, i won’t suck you off if you’re gross.” tomura didn’t look him in the eyes, putting his headphones back on and officially ending the conversation as he got back to whatever murder game he was playing with an apology for being gone.

dabi stalked off to the bathroom, burying his intense excitement and arousal deep in his gut and turning on the shower. he got pretty much everything, cleaner than he had been in weeks as a gross dude with an illegal gig barely classified as a job. he always did wonder how tomura was able to pay so much of the bills, but he didn’t want to bring it up and sound bitchy. he was half hard just from the thought, tomura always being the grumpy catch he was always afraid to go for, for fear that he would get kicked out of the apartment the morning after or something along those lines.

the stunt he had just pulled was exhilarating. he thought about the flush he had seen on tomura’s face as he stepped out of the shower. he was still at half mast as he brushed his teeth and put on deodorant (stealing tomuras’), towel wrapped around his waist. dabi had always thought himself to be a kind of a catch, positively covered in tattoos and piercings and even some cosmetic staples. his brother said he was addicted to body mods, bu he chose to ignore those words in favor of finding something else to do to or with his body.

he wondered what he should wear. he didn’t want to struggle with it too much, just going for what he had on before the shower. he shook his hair out like a dog, water slightly darkened from the hair dye (he had just redyed it a couple days ago and he never truly had the care to wash it all the way out).

and when he was done with all that, he went into his room and collapsed on his bed facedown. there he stayed for a few moments as he tried to calm himself down, before just turned to his bong on the side table for some manual chill. he lit up a few times, only enough to make his head swim the tiniest bit, and went to play a few shitty games on his phone.

apparently he had been playing a little longer than he thought, already gone through a cigarette and another couple rips before tomura knocked on his door.

“ready to start up the live stream, get your ass in here if you still want in on it.” he heard through the door, followed by tomura’s footsteps leading off into his bedroom.

dabi, of course, immediately followed, hopping up and throwing his door open, excitedly shimmying his way up to tomura’s doorway.

man

he was. he was wearing black thigh-highs, held up by a garter that he could barely see the beginnings of over a sweatshirt that was giant on his small, skinny frame. dabi’s sweatshirt.

“did—” dabi was damn near short of breath at the sigh ton display in front of him, “did you get that from my room?”

“no, i got it from the living room. now let me get the camera on and the stream rolling before you fuck me up.” tomura chuckled softly, something that he didn’t do often. dab’s heart skipped a beat, and he pointedly chose to ignore it.

“you look fuckin’ hot, baby.” he murmured, eyes glued to the sligh bit of thigh on display over the top of the sock and before the sweatshirt.

“baby? what happened to creep?” tomura pressed record, laptop set up next to the camera so that they could see themselves and the chat, not giving dabi a chance to respond. tomura waited a few moments, before addressing the current pileup.

“hey everyone. i have a guest tonight, my roommate and the dude who eats all my damn cereal—” tomura paused and turned back to look at dabi who was still out of camera, “do you want your identity to be anonymous? ‘n’ do you wanna show your face?”

dabi had a moment of pause, before shrugging. “nah, i don’t really have any shame, you’re not really anything to hide.” dabi once again shamelessly looked tomura up and down, earning an eyeroll and the beginnings of… was that a smile?

tomura turned back to the camera. “this is dabi, my roommate, and the dude who’s gonna eat me out on stream.” tomura said with no pause, and no stutter or hesitation. this was a performance, surely. it was so different from the blushing and hiding man who was avoiding his eyes a couple hours ago. tomura cupped his hand around the side of his mouth, mimicking a stage whisper. “this’ll be the first time with him, so you get our genuine reactions for free.” tomura chucked gently, watching the chat blow up at the premise of some genuine roommate porn.

tomura turned back to dabi, moving to pull him into frame and pushing him to sit on tomura’s bed.

“well, here goes nothing,” tomura murmured to himself, climbing into dabi’s lap and pulling him into a kiss. he immediately heard the dinging of tip notifications off to his side, and he knew his chat was probably going wild. dabi’s hands wandered, up tomura’s thighs that were positioned over his hips, and over the other mans own hips, back down to his thigh-highs. he pulled at them, snapping it against tomura’s thigh, earning a gasp that allotted enough room for dabi to stick his tongue in the others mouth. tomura’s own arms were slung over dabi’s shoulders coming up to run his hands through dabi’s undercut. tomura ground down against dabi’s half-hard cock, trying to work him up further.

eventually their kiss broke for air and dabi stared into the camera with a knowing grin as he ground his hips upwards. tomura gasped loudly, sensitivity intensified by the hormones he had been taking for a while now. dabi moved to kiss down the white-haired boy’s throat, leaving little nips that had tomura giving breathy whines. he could tell some were played up for the camera, but he didn’t mind at all. he was rock hard in his jeans now, and he could feel the slickness that tomura had built up— soaking through his panties. which, by the way— now that dabi could see them, he was obsessed. they were bright blue and lacey, gorgeous against the pale flush of tomura’s scarred thighs. they hugged his hips nicely and made dabi want to rip them apart.

tomura gently pushed him away from his neck, rolling his hips against dabi as he leaned back slightly to look at the camera. “chat, who should go first? who do you wanna see cum first?” his words were syrupy and seductive as their hips worked in tandem. someone donated with a fairly large amount, spouting something about wanting to see the pretty boy choke on cock.

and who were they to deny the nice donator?

tomura turned back to dabi, running a hand down the man’s chest, grabbing at the end of his shirt. dabi got the hint and removed his shirt, hearing the chat pop off for a moment. “your lucky day, freakshow. fuck me up.” tomura whispered and he hopped off dabi’s lap, spreading dabi’s legs manually and making himself comfortable between them.

“feel free to grab the camera to get that angle, yknow?” tomura looked up at him as he laid his cheek on dabi’s thigh, uncomfortable close to the bulge in dabi’s pants.

dabi leaned back on his hands, letting tomura unbutton his pants and shimmy his boxers down enough to pull his cock out. tomura had a moment of shock at the sight of it, long and thick with about 5 pieces of fuckin’ metal stuck into it.

when his shock wore off, he decided a quip would be appropriate. “y’know i always did wonder if it continued on down—” tomura gestured to all of his various facial and body piercings, finally licking a stripe up his length and taking dabi by surprise, making him gasp. tomura was surprisingly good at this, dabi had thought him a lame little virgin before he found out about the whole onlyfans thing. but no, tomura had apparently had quite a bit of practice, shown off by the rapid rate at which he was able to adjust to the intrusion of dabi’s cock, sinking down and feeling the metal rods on the underside grind one by one against his tongue. it was heaven, and dabi reached one hand into tomura’s hair for support.

this led tomura to pull off, only to say the words, “pull on it,” before sinking his hot mouth back down onto dabi’s dick. and so dabi did what he was told, taking the hair in his hands and pulling, earning a genuine moan from tomura that reverberated its way down his cock. the hottest thing was that tomura was making him feel this good with only his mouth. his hands were currently on dabi’s thighs, moving up to his hips as if to insinuate something. dabi pulled him back by his hair. tomura whined, which was the hottest thing ever and looked up at dabi with a wanting— no, expecting stare.

“use your words, babydoll.” he muttered to tomura, watching his face heat up, much more like his bashful self before the camera turned on. the audience was eating it up, so used to his unphased confidence and sheer no-fucks-given attitude, that seeing this form of subby shigaraki was like dessert for them.

“use me, dabi,” tomura muttered, eyes focused on the ground as he shuffled on his knees.

“what was that? i couldn’t hear you, speak up.” dabi teased and used his hand that was in tomura’s hair to slip down and hook his finger under his chin, forcing him to look up at dabi.

tomura’s eyes glazed over for a second at the stern look that dabi was giving him, before blinking harshly and shaking his head a bit, as if to clear his mind.

“fuck my throat, dabi. use me.” his voice was clear and without any shyness now, an almost grin spreading across his cheeks. though his inner submission didn’t go unseen, as the look in his eye and the redness of his face and the way he arched his back even now, was more honest than any words he could say.

“if you say so, baby. tap me if you want off.” dabi moved his hand back to tomura’s hair, gripping it tight and using it to line himself up with tomura’s lips.

“open up. you’re gonna be so good at this, i can just tell.” dabi growled out. tomura followed directions, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out to show up, dabi sliding his cock to the back of the other man’s throat. he stopped for a moment to let tomura adjust, but tomura took that to his advantage, meeting dabi’s eyes and sucking hard.

“jesus fuck, baby—” dabi panted, starting up a smooth rhythm with his hips, both hands now in tomura’s hair to practically use him like a toy. a human fleshlight.

“god, tomura, you whore— how’dya get so good at this? d’ya— d’ya practice?” dabi’s hips sped up as tomura moaned deep in his throat, vibrating against his cock. the words were turning tomura’s poor brain into jello. the chat was going wild, donations at an all time high as they watched their favorite creator get used like a toy.

dabi felt the tension building up in his gut. a few more moments of this and he would be done for. he reached down with one of the hands to wrap around tomura’s throat, so that he couldn’t even semi-breathe through his nose. he felt tomura gag, throat clamping down on his cock. tomura had yet to tap him, so he continued with his wild ministrations, letting go of tomura and pulling his dick out until just the tip rested on tomura’s tongue as he worked himself off the final edge and came, coating tomura’s lips and tongue.

“don’t swallow yet.” dabi’s tone was winded yet still authoritative. “show your audience baby, you did amazing. show them how good of a slut you are.” dabi grabbed tomura’s chin and manually turned the boy’s head to the camera, watching with hungry eyes as he showed off the spend on his tongue.

“okay, now swallow.” dabi ordered, watching as tomura did it easily. dabi knew at that instant that he had sent tomura into a momentary headspace of sorts. he wanted to treat the boy after using him so roughly, so he helped him up and out of the sweatshirt, splayed out on the bed, hair spread out around his head like a halo. he looked like a proper angel as the blurriness finally worked its way out of those eyes and the real tomura came back on line.

“jesus christ, dabi.” tomura grumbled. his pale face was on fire. dabi thought that was the hottest thing he had ever experienced.

dabi was lowering himself onto his knees, pulling tomura’s hips to hang off the bed, spreading them so that he could lay lovebites along his inner thighs. it was almost agonizing with how long he carried it out, working numerous dark purple hickeys onto his thighs, as if to claim, and to show off. he knew that if tomura did a show in the next few days, they would be visible, and that made him hot under the collar.

“god, freakshow, get on with it!” tomura whined, trying to arch up onto something, but failing as a result of dabi’s iron grip on his thighs.

“ah, ah ah— what do we say when we want something, babydoll?” dabi’s low voice made goosebumps rise up on tomura’s skin, and the poor boy nearly gave in and started begging right there. dabi stopped pressing kisses to tomura’s thighs, sitting back holding tomura’s legs apart, waiting on his reply.

“i need an answer, creep.” the familiar nickname from the man between his legs made it more… intimate. tomura swallowed his pride.

“please— please dabi, please suck me off, i need it—” he was rewarded with dabi ripping his panties off, exposing his nether regions to the open air. tomura whined at the cold, feeling it against his wet cunt. but soon the feeling of cold air was replaced with a soft, excellent warm suction on his dick, one of dabi’s hands reaching up to run two fingers along his slit.

it made tomura nearly scream, instead moving one of his hands to cover his mouth. dabi instantly let up on the attention, reaching up to move tomura’s hand. “you gotta put on a show tomura, remember that.” dabi chuckled before he went back to work, moving his lips down to run his tongue against tomura’s hole. tomura was arching his back and more or less grinding against dabi’s face as he moaned loudly. dabi knew his way around eating out, so it wouldn’t be long for the other man, who had already been so wound up for so long. dabi went back to sucking on his clit and he moved his two fingers to enter, making an awful noise when they did. tomura’s wetness rolled down dabi’s wrist and before long, tomura’s legs were shaking as dabi brought him to the edge.

now, dabi was a little shit by nature. so he doubled, even tripled his efforts in speed and pressure, rocketing tomura over the edge and working his fingers in and out at such a speed that had tomura writhing against the sheets in oversensitivity.

and dabi kept going. he was on a mission, and soon enough, his efforts were rewarded when tomura soaked the sheets and dabi’s arm and lower face. dabi worked him through it, milking him of every drop, before he finally let up. tomura lay there practically braindead for a bit, dabi even going so far as to wave at the camera as he stroked tomura’s thighs, waiting for him to be coherent enough for dabi to leave for a second to get a towel.

once he had come back to the land of the living, tomura ended the stream with a quick thank you to the donators and visitors, while dabi was up getting a towel, and tomura had caught his breath by the time dabi was back with towels and water. dabi wiped his face, arms and upper torso off, and tomura wiped his junk down, throwing the towel somewhere on the floor.

“my junk hurts, you asshole. god— why are you so good at that?” were the first words out fo tomura’s mouth, eliciting a loud laugh from dabi as he opened the window and pulled out a cigarette.

“get me one too, freakshow. i need it after that. my dono’s are through the fuckin’ roof though, so thanks for our rent.” he spoke quietly against the sounds of the city as dabi lit his cigarette and tossed one and his lighter to tomura.

dabi only gave him a devilish smirk.

“you gonna let me do that again?”

#shigadabi #dabi x shigaraki

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teenwolffanclub-me · 4 years

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Season 1, Episode 7: Night School (Part One)

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader (eventually)

Notes: Okay, so. I’m updating two nights in a row because I couldn’t help but write this. Buckle up. This one’s a lot. It’s probably my favorite episode from the whole season and was super fun to write!

P.S. There’s a kiss. There’s a kiss. Guys, THERES FINALLY A REAL KISS! I hope you’re as excited as I am, otherwise this is kinda awkward...

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I pulled the sides of Stiles’ jacket tighter around myself, trying to warm up. He’d practically shoved the thing into my hands when he noticed that I was shivering in just my t-shirt and shorts. The school was kept absolutely freezing at night, apparently.

After locking the door with plyers and deciding that it definitely wouldn’t hold a damn thing back, we ran into the nearest classroom. That’s where we all stood now, Scott and Stiles trying to move a huge desk in front of the door.

They only managed to move it about an inch before it squealed against the tiles. I cringed at the loud noise, my heart falling into my stomach as a feeling of dread washed over me.

“Wait. Stop, stop.” Stiles whispered. “The door’s not gonna keep it out.”

“I know—” Scott started, but Stiles quickly interrupted him, twitching with anxiety.

“It’s your boss.”

“What?” Scott sounded utterly offended by that theory.

“Deaton? The alpha? Your boss.” Stiles pointed an accusatory finger at Scott from across the desk.

“No.” Scott insisted with a shake of his head.

“Yes. A murdering psycho werewolf!” His voice grew harsh at the end, as if it was Scott’s fault. If it were even true.

I’d never met his boss, so I had no idea why Stiles would suspect him of being the alpha. To be honest, I was still ridiculously confused about what was going on at all.

“Why would it be him?” I prodded, crossing my arms in an attempt at containing some of my body heat.

They both sent a quick glance my way, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge my existence. My jaw clenched involuntarily as my chest tightened with frustration. I was so beyond over their stupid looks and stupid secrets.

“It can’t be.” Scott insisted again.

“Oh, come on. He disappears and ten seconds later that thing shows up to toss Derek twenty feet through the air? That’s not convenient timing?” Stiles threw his hands up in disbelief.

I mean, he had a point.

“It’s. Not. Him.” Scott said slowly, agitated that Stiles wouldn’t relent.

“He killed Derek.”

“Guys.” I interrupted, but they continued as if I hadn’t spoken.

“Derek’s not dead...” Scott began hyperventilating at the thought. “He-he can’t be dead.”

“Blood spurted out of his mouth, okay? That doesn’t exactly qualify as a minor injury. He’s dead. And we’re next.” Stiles rubbed at his forehead, pacing back and forth with worry.

“Guys.” I tried again, my hands tightening into fists at my sides as a surge of anger moved through me.

“Okay! Just. What do we do?”

“Get to my Jeep. We get out of here. You seriously think about quitting your job. Alright? Good?”

“Guys!” Both of their heads whipped in my direction at my outburst, as if just then hearing me for the first time. “One of you tell me what the hell is going on. Right now.”

Stiles scoffed and wagged an angry finger at me. “You shouldn’t be making any demands right now. You are not supposed to be here. I mean, how insane can you be, hanging around the school at night? What the hell were you thinking?”

I just stared at him with a quirked eyebrow, waiting for him to process what he’d said. When he realized a moment later, he dropped his hand back to his side with a grimace.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s here now.” Scott shook his head, looking defeated. “Let’s just focus on getting out of here.”

“Or let’s focus on answering my questions.” I snapped, not ready to change the subject. “Because, right now, it’s not looking too hot for you guys. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you kidnapped—then lost—Scott’s boss. Had a secret meeting with Derek and summoned the alpha for some god forsaken reason!”

“That’s exactly what we did.” Stiles snarked with a swivel of his head.

I stared at him in stunned silence, my mouth hanging open. They must’ve lost their fucking minds if they thought any of that was a good idea. This is why they needed to keep me in the loop, so I could stop them from doing dumb shit like this.

Suddenly, frantic rattling sounded from behind me. I turned to see Scott trying to pry open one of the windows and rushed to his side. Stiles and I had been too busy fighting to notice him walk over there.

I put a hand on his, stopping him. “They don’t open. The school’s climate controlled.”

“Then we break it.” He chest was heaving up and down quickly as he struggled to get his breathing under control.

“That’ll make too much noise.” Stiles declared, joining us at my other side.

“We’ll run fast. Really fast.” His wide eyes moved from the two of us to the parking lot outside, and he stiffened. “Stiles, what’s wrong with the hood of your Jeep?”

“What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong.” He leaned closer to get a better look despite his dismissive tone.

“It’s bent.” Scott huffed, still staring out the window.

“What? You mean, like, dented?” Stiles jerked forward, pressing his chest into my back harshly.

I stumbled from the force of it, but caught myself on the windowsill before I could actually fall down. As we stood there, way too close together, I tried to ignore how good his body heat felt against me.

“No! I-I mean bent.”

“Well, what the hell happen—”

The window just above our heads shattered without warning, the sound deafeningly loud.

A pair of arms instantly wrapped around my waist and dragged me to the floor. I fell down between Stiles’ legs and felt one of his arms move up to shield our heads from the thousands of tiny glass shards that came twinkling to the tiles around us.

Something boxy and heavy clunked to the floor before sliding a few feet away. One of Stiles’ hands left me to pick up the flashlight he’d dropped. He shakily illuminated whatever had come through the window, breathing erratically against me. My chest swelled with warmth at the way he’d instinctively protected me from the impact, but I didn't have much time to dwell on it.

“That’s my battery.” He fumbled around behind me, trying to get to his feet.

I rose onto my knees, mostly wanting to get out of his way, but part of me found our close proximity a little jarring and needed to create some space between us.

Scott slapped a hand on his shoulder before pulling him back down. “Don’t!”

“We have to move.” He snapped, shaking his arm free.

“He could be right outside.” Scott whispered harshly.

“Uh, I think he is right outside.” I huffed. There was no way that thing flew in here by itself, which meant whoever—or whatever—threw it couldn’t be far.

“Just let me take a look.” He tentatively moved into a crouch and just barely lifted his head high enough to see past the windowsill.

“Nothing?” Stiles asked, his voice light with hope.

Scott shook his head and Stiles immediately sprang to his feet. We quickly followed suit, walking briskly out of the classroom. The guys came up with the bright idea to get Derek’s keys off of his body—which was beyond gross—and take his car. We knew our best bet was to go through the boys locker room, because it has the least amount of windows in the building.

Once there, I quickly realized we’d walked ourselves into one of the furthest locations from an exit. If the alpha was in the school with us, we were pretty much trapped.

I really needed to stop letting them make the plans.

Just before I reached for the doorknob that would take us into the next hall, Scott grabbed my elbow. “Wait. I hear something.”

My breath stilled and I froze. That wasn’t a good sign. There shouldn’t be anyone here this late, including us. We stood there for a few seconds while he tried to figure it out, before his eyes widened and he moved a step away.

“Hide.” His voice quivered with fear as he continued walking backwards.

I turned on my heel, trying to find the closest place to conceal myself. Stiles almost immediately stepped into my path as he did the same and I huffed in annoyance. He was a few inches taller than me and completely blocked my view. We didn’t have time to fumble around, so I gripped his broad shoulders and shoved him into one of the lockers beside me.

Without thinking, I stepped in after him.

I only realized what I’d done once the door closed with a snap. His wide caramel eyes found mine in the low lighting, several intense emotions swirling inside them. My hands slid away from his shoulders until they rested on his heaving chest. It was a tight fit, so there were only about two inches of space between us.

My bottom lip rolled between my teeth as my face exploded with heat. We hadn’t been this close since the almost kiss that I will never be speaking of out loud. His gaze moved down to my mouth and I swallowed, my heart jumping into my throat.

Fear shot down my spine at the sound of slow footsteps outside the locker, all flustered Stiles-related thoughts leaving my mind instantly.

We both held our breath as whoever it was walked right past us. One of his arms snaked around my back before pulling me against him gently. My eyes flickered up to his in question, but his attention was firmly planted on the room outside the locker. I realized with a flutter deep in my stomach that the protective motion had been mostly absentminded.

When the room fell silent I relaxed slightly, thinking we were in the clear, until our locker door was ripped open harshly. I stumbled out a step at the sudden loss of support at my back, Stiles tripping out after me. Scott bolted from his own locker, eyes wide with fear.

After a few seconds of unintelligible yelling, we realized it was just the overnight janitor. I let out a shaky sigh of relief and put a hand on my chest to calm my racing heart. That was so close.

“Wait, wait.” Stiles folded over and rested his hands on his knees as he tried to steady his breathing. “Be quiet!”

“Quiet my ass! What the hell are you trying to do, kill me?” The janitor yelled, clearly angry at our unauthorized presence. “All of you, get the hell out.”

He fisted both Stiles and Scott’s shirts and began pulling them toward the exit.

“Just listen for half a second, okay?” Stiles tried to reason with him, but he was pretty shaken up.

“Not okay! Get the hell out of here right now.” I followed close behind as he shoved them back out into the hallway, chewing on my lip nervously.

This was so not good. Now we’d all end up with detention for the rest of the year, or worse, if we didn’t die first.

“Just give us one second to explain—”

“Shut up and go!” He’d barely finished barking the order before he was violently yanked backwards.

I gasped in shock and took a huge step back, pulling the boys with me. The locker room door slammed shut, and the janitor was thrown against it, blood splattering against the small window all around him. He let out a pained scream and fought against whatever was attacking him.

Scott ran to the door and tried opening it, only to find that it was somehow locked. The janitor continued struggling for a few seconds before being pulled away again, a low growl sounding from the room. Stiles jerked forward and forced Scott away from the door before grabbing me with his free hand and bolting down the hall.

We didn’t stop running until we reached the closest exit, but quickly realized that one of the huge dumpsters outside had been pushed against it. So not only was the alpha a bloodthirsty monster, but it was smart enough to trap us. Awesome.

“I’m not dying here.” Stiles said shakily as we started walking down the hall to find another exit. “I’m not dying at school.”

“We’re not going to die.” Scott tried to reasure, not sounding all that confident himself.

“God, what is it doing? What does it want?” Stiles threw his hands up in exasperation, momentarily blinding me with his flashlight.

“Me! Derek said it’s stronger with a pack.”

“Great.” I scoffed, wrapping my arms tighter around myself as I walked between them. “A psychotic werewolf that’s into teamwork. That’s just beautiful.”

Scott suddenly stopped and looked out one of the windows beside us. His head tilted as he squinted into the night. He took a tentative step forward, as if trying to get a better view, but almost immediately jumped backward.

“What? What is it?” I breathed, a jolt of fear shooting through me at his reaction.

My eyes practically bulged out of my head as I caught sight of the alpha on the roof. It started barreling our way and we took off down the hall, the wall of windows shattering behind us. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest as I ran as fast as humanly possible. The sounds of the monster’s grunting and growling behind us made my stomach churn painfully.

We made our way down a flight of stairs, which took us into the boiler room. I put a hand over my mouth to silence my ragged breathing as we stood with our backs pressed tightly against a wall of lockers. I could still hear the alpha growling from around the corner and pinched my eyes shut tightly.

There was no way we weren’t about to die.

Scott silently gestured for us to move, so we quickly bolted around the corner toward an open area in the room.

“Alright, we have to do something.” Stiles jerked the flashlight in the direction of the growling.

“Like what?” I asked incredulously. What could any of us do? Even Scott, who has werewolf abilities, would be no match for this thing.

“I don’t know. Kill it? Hurt it? Inflict mental anguish on it? Something.” A sound from the other side of the room had Stiles twitching in fear, but he sighed and rubbed a hand down his face when he realized it was only the furnace kicking on.

We all tiptoed back past the lockers, terrified that the alpha could be anywhere. Stiles shined his flashlight across the room, and my anxiety skyrocketed as I realized that the exit was a good fifteen feet away. To make matters worse, another growl echoed through the space, and it sounded close.

Stiles suddenly walked around to my other side and dug one of his hands into the pocket of his jacket that I was still wearing. My eyes followed his movements as he fished out his car keys and held them up, looking determined. He and Scott shared a quick glance before he chucked the keys through a nearby doorway.

Instantly, the alpha charged forward from the shadows, going straight into the closet. The guys rushed toward the door before slamming it shut and dragging a random desk in front of it. I ended up standing on one side of the desk, with Scott and Stiles on the other. It slammed against the discarded cabinets on the other side of the narrow hall when the alpha tried getting out.

Okay, that worked a little too well.

It slammed once, twice, three more times.

Then, nothing.

We all looked at each other in amazed silence. There was no way it was actually stuck. We’d done it? Just like that?

Stiles started leaning over the desk, toward the small window in the closet door, until Scott roughly slapped his shoulder. “What are you doing?!”

“I just want to get a look at it.” He put his hands up defensively.

“Are you crazy?” I whispered, shocked that his first instinct wasn't to run far away. But Stiles was nothing if not curious.

His eyes met mine over the desk. “Look, it’s trapped. Okay? It’s not gonna get out.”

While his confidence was slightly reassuring, I knew in my gut that it was too good to be true. There was no way catching this thing would be that easy. Stiles jumped up onto the desk, landing on his knees easily. He leaned forward, his tongue sweeping across his bottom lip in concentration.

“Yeah, that's right.” He muttered, shining the flashlight into the makeshift cage.

“Dude. Shut up!” Scott hissed desperately, still freaking out.

“I’m not scared of this thing.” Stiles insisted with a glare, but frantically scrambled to the floor when a clawed hand slammed against the window.

Yeah. Liar.

“Y/N, get across.” He breathed hastily. “Come on!”

I was about to do just that, one leg already propped up on the desk, when a few ceiling tiles in the closet came tumbling down. I froze, fear licking up my spine, and turned my head slowly to peer inside the small room. The tiles above me started denting, one by one, with every heave of my chest.

It was in the ceiling.

The alpha was in the ceiling.

“Y/N.” Scott pleaded, one hand outstretched toward me. His head was tilted up as he watched the alpha’s path.

Metal and wood groaned above me from it’s added weight as it continued moving at an agonizingly slow pace. I held my breath in anticipation, my body beginning to tremble with terror.

Then, it broke through. I let out a startled scream at the sight of the alpha only a few feet away. It was on my side of the desk, staring right at me. I looked into its glowing red eyes and felt nothing but complete and utter dread.

I was going to die.

My mind could find no other alternative as the beast huffed and growled in place.

“Y/N.” Stiles’ voice quivered from behind me. “You need to get over here. Right now.”

“I don't really think that's an option.” I muttered through clenched teeth, trying to be as still and quiet as possible.

The alpha suddenly sprang forward, a hand clamping down on my shoulder at the same moment. I was pulled across the desk harshly, my feet barely landing on the floor before I was being yanked away. The three of us sprinted down the hall before ducking into a nearby classroom. Scott slammed the door behind us and I tried desperately to catch my breath.

“Oh, thank God.” Stiles huffed from beside me, his tone seeping with relief.

Before I knew what was happening, his hands were cradling either side of my face. He jerked me toward him gently and crashed his lips against mine. I stiffened in shock at the unexpected move and he took a step forward, causing my back to slam into the wall behind me. My eyes fluttered shut when his chest pressed against mine firmly as he closed every possible distance between us.

My body responded with a mind of its own, my lips moving fluidly with his. My fingers came up to wrap around his wrists as his hands slid down to the sides of my neck.

Then, just as quickly as it appeared, his skin was gone from mine. I leaned forward, not fully processing that he wasn't kissing me anymore. My eyes popped open and they locked onto his, which were wide with realization.

Holy shit.

Did that just happen?

Heat crawled up my neck. Stiles stammered silently, his eyes twitching. He suddenly walked to Scott’s side who, to be fair, looked equally as speechless about what he had just witnessed. Stiles put a hand around Scott’s head and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

“Th-thank God you’re okay. Both of you. Yeah. Just. Doing the totally normal thing where you kiss your friends after they almost die. Yep.”

“Totally.” Scott quipped, a smirk pulling at the side of his lips.

Before I could even begin to fathom an appropriate response, my phone started ringing loudly in my pocket. I hastily yanked it free and answered it without even looking at the caller I.D. I just needed the noise to stop.

“Y/N, are you busy?” Any other time I would’ve been relieved to hear Allison’s voice, but not right now, while the alpha could be outside waiting to kill us.

“Uh.” I tried to steady my breathing so she wouldn't become suspicious. “Kinda.”

“What are you doing?” She sounded slightly scared herself, and I wondered the same thing.

“Just...what’s up?” Scott and Stiles both glared at me and I put a hand up dismissively.

“Um. Well. You know how I was supposed to see Scott tonight? He never showed. Then I got this strange text from him and now I’m at the school and—”

“You’re at the school?” I tried to keep the panic from my voice, but it was still easily detectable even to my own ears.

“I know, I know. But Lydia and Jackson insisted—”

“They’re here too?” I practically shrieked. This could not be happening.

I knew Scott was listening to the whole thing, because his eyes were growing wider and wider with each of Allison’s responses.

“Wait. Did you say here? Are you at the school too?”

I just shook my head, needing this conversation to speed up exponentially. “Where are you right now?”

“On the first floor.” She said slowly, catching on that something was wrong.

“Where? Where exactly?” I pressed, my voice growing urgent.

“The swimming pools...?” She trailed off, clearly curious about my sudden pushiness.

That wasn't far from here. We could probably make it to her quickly if we all met up somewhere in the middle.

“Get to the lobby. You have to go now.” I tried to keep my voice down, still very aware that the alpha could be right outside the classroom door.

She hesitated for a moment, and I worried she would ask more questions. We did not have time for that. “Okay, okay. I’m coming.”

We hung up and I let my arm fall down to my side slowly, my attention moving to the crestfallen expression on Scott’s face. I was pretty sure we were all thinking the same thing.

This just got so, so much worse.

Episode 6 Episode 7, Part Two

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letitrainasunnyday · 4 years

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Hi! I want to know your thoughts about that scene in Kyoto episode where Ran was holding too tightly on Shinichi’s arm that she didn’t notice she’s pressing her chest to him? Or maybe (and I think) she did it on purpose because you can see her blushing 😉. I’m sure Shinichi also felt it because the poor guy is blushing too 😂.

Y’all know me too well I am always 100% A SLUT for the Kyoto Arc and 99% of the times you ask me to talk about it I MOST DEFINITELY WILL big time.

That scene is so fucking precious because not only does it neatly wrap up a fucking BEAUTIFUL montage --both in the manga and in the anime-- of Shinichi and his friends being teenagers and having fun and exploring a city without a care in the world --my heart’s truest desire--, but it’s also significant because you see that the core of the ShinRan relationship is still friendship and trust.

Why? Glad you asked.

Because, how does that Kyoto Arc start? With Ran and Shinichi being kinda awkward around each other and Ran being kinda embarrassed because they’re both still reeling from London. Shinichi is kinda okay with it, cause my man’s playing with an advantage, he knows Ran loves him back and is basically just waiting for her to actually tell him --the real him, not Conan. But Ran’s like !!!!!!!! Did not see this shit coming!!!! Did not expect him to actually show up here!!!!! What the fuck am I gonna say!!!! How do I react!!!! He told me he loved me and probably thinks I don’t feel the same way because I never actually said anything!!!! HELP!!!!!

And I’m like, Ran, honey, JUST DO IT.

Then later she does and I’ve never been prouder of her.

I’m derailing. Sorry. Kyoto does this to me.

But back to the point, the point being that Ran is actually much more awkward and embarrassed about Shinichi being back than Shinichi is during those first few scenes. So when we get to the bloodied ceiling scene, it’s so wonderful because even though she’s nervous and doesn’t know how to act when Shinichi’s around, she trusts him and relies on him so much that when she feels scared or grossed out, her instinct is to hold on to him. Immediately she forgets that she was supposed to feel awkward around him because her heart tells her that if she’s not okay, she can always count on Shinichi to hold her and make her feel better. Which he does, by the way. Like, that very second. So she holds onto his arm almost without realizing it, because underneath it all they’re best friends who can always count on each other.

DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS!! DO YOU SEE!!!

Also I LOVE that scene because Ran’s practically just assuming that they’re dating, because the way she interacts with him from that montage on is like they’re practically a couple. Which was already the case before, even before Shinichi shrank --and I have the Episode ONE remake to prove it-- but here they’re so close, and it’s like Ran almost forgets that she technically hasn’t told Shinichi how she feels because she feels so reassured by the fact that he does love her that she’s like okay, I kinda have the right do this and this and that now. Which is also why I think she’s almost surprised at Shinichi’s reaction when he confronts her and asks her about Okita and reminds her about London.

I’m not sure I’d go to the extent of saying that she hugs his arm on purpose, because she does seem genuinely grossed out by the bloody ceiling. But I think the fact that, to her, leaning on Shinichi like that --with that kind of physical touch-- is natural means so much more.

#detective conan #shinran #conan ask #shinran ask #Anonymous

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Stitch Us Back Together (Kamasia) - Crazy4Kameron

A/N:This fic has truly been a labour of love. I’m so happy to finally be able to release the first part, even though this thing was meant to be a short little one shot. It managed to grow and somehow get away from me and now here we are. I really hope that you all love this story as much as I do. Please leave a kudo or a message and let me know what you think. I really do love to know if I need to improve on anything and what is working! xoxoxo A huge thank you to @mistressaq and @opalescent-cheetah for beta-ing and brainstorming with me, and always being my cheerleaders.

summary:Kameron would do anything to make Asia happy, and that includes going to a sewing class that is being taught by one of her idols. But when she finds out that Asia’s design school is holding a contest that allows the winner to have their designs showcased by Asia’s idol she will do whatever it takes to get her to enter. Even if it means going behind Asia’s back and praying that their relationship can handle it.

It was like any other day for Asia, sitting behind the reception desk at the St.Charles Complex. She was flipping through the pages of the catalogue of upcoming classes when she noticed it. She couldn’t believe her eyes at first, but knew that if this was true that she had to tell Kameron. Immediately. Asia knew she wasn’t supposed to leave the desk unattended but it had been dead almost all day and this was an emergency - at least in her mind it was. Asia put up a small Sorry be back shortly sign and took off running towards the gym. She knew at this time of day Kameron would be in the middle of a training session, but she needed her, she was freaking out and there was no one else she wanted to tell more than her girlfriend.

Asia whipped open the door to the gym and saw Kameron thankfully standing near the front desk chatting with a few of her colleagues.

“Kameron. Bianca. Sewing. Here.” Was all Asia could manage while trying to catch her breath. Kameron and everyone else just stared at her with a mixture of confusion and concern. Kameron’s face was dripping in terror that something terrible had happened.

Kameron’s mind reeled. Oh my god! Something must be seriously wrong for Asia to leave the desk, she never leaves the desk. What if something happened to one of her little sisters? Or maybe something happened to Blair? Oh GOD I really hope Blair is okay. Please let Blair be okay. Wait did she just say Bianca? WHO IS BIANCA? She doesn’t know anyone named Bianca that I know of.

“Bitch, did you just run here?” Vanjie asked.

“I didn’t even know she knew how to run.” Scarlet chimed in.

Kameron whipped her head around to give them a pointed look. Scarlet raised her hands in mock surrender.

“Oh my god babe, what’s wrong?” Kameron put her hand on Asia’s back, trying to calm not only Asia but herself. “Just breathe baby.” Kameron gently rubbed her hand in circles on Asia’s back the same way Asia had done for her so many times before. This was mostly to calm herself and help her from letting her thoughts carry her away on a terrible spiral. Kameron reached over the desk and grabbed her water bottle, offering it to Asia, who waved her hand to say no thanks.

Asia took a few deep breaths then excitedly started waving around the catalogue in her hand.

“Bianca Del Rio is going to be teaching a sewing class HERE!!” she screeched out the last syllable, unable to hold back her excitement anymore.

Kameron had to take a step back as Asia began to bounce excitedly on the spot. “You’re telling me you ran all the way here, just to tell me that?” There was a distinctly unimpressed look on Kameron’s face. “I thought there was an actual emergency Asia! You scared the shit out of me running in here like that.”

Asia’s excitement quickly died when she saw how upset her girlfriend was, and she realized that Kameron’s anxiety must be going through the roof right now. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Asia reached up to push a piece of hair behind Kameron’s ear, running her thumb along Kam’s jaw. This always seemed to instantly calm Kam down and earn Asia a few points back after saying or doing the wrong thing. Asia knew it had worked when Kameron’s eyes shut and she instinctively melted into her touch.

“Gross, get a room you two. No one wants to see your lovey-dovey honeymoon phase.” Plastique gagged, pretending to throw up.

“You just pressed cause no one wants you,“ Vanjie pointed out.

“And you only find it cute cause you’re lucky enough to have Brooke,” Plastique quipped.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m good enough for Brooke? Vanjie’s tone had begun to rise. Her infamously short fuse had been lit and it was only a matter of time before she went off.

“I don’t think anyone is trying to say that you’re not good enough for me, babe.” Brooke tried to discreetly hold Vanjie back.

“NO, she better apologize now!!” Vanjie’s voice grew more high pitched by the second.

Plastique, not about to be wrongly accused of something, fired back, “For what?! I literally didn’t even say anything mean or rude about you or your girlfriend!”

“Why can’t we all just bottle our feelings like normal people?” Brooke pleaded, trying to bring the argument to an end.

Asia gave Kameron a look of are you going to stop this?, shifting her eyes between Kameron and the fight that was about to break out. Kameron knew that she needed to put an end to this before it got out of hand, she just needed to find the confidence to do it.

“Hey, guys.” Kameron tried, but she was barely heard over all the yelling.

“Hey, guys.” She tried again this time a little louder but to no avail. So she took a deep breath to center herself and gave it everything that she had. “WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS SHUT UP!!!”

Everyone fell silent and just stared at Kameron, surprised that she had been the one to yell.

“Thank you. Now that I have your attention, can you all please take your little argument out of the gym, so I can talk to my girlfriend before she gets fired for abandoning the reception desk. And so our clients don’t think that a bunch of children work here.” Kameron put her hands on her hips to show that she wasn’t playing around. The girls, knowing not to get on Kameron’s bad side, cleared out of the gym or else went about work they were supposed to have been doing anyway.

“Wow, that was seriously impressive and kinda hot, I’m not gonna lie.” Asia gave Kameron a sly smile and a wink that turned Kameron three shades of pink, before wrapping her arms around Kameron’s waist.

She play-smacked Asia’s arm. “Would you be serious please, and tell me what got you so excited you had to run here in the middle of your shift?”

“Oh, I almost forgot! I was flipping through next month’s catalogue and The Bianca Del Rio is teaching a sewing class here!” Asia squealed with excitement, picking up the aforementioned catalogue from the desk. She held it out in both hands towards Kameron, with the biggest smile on her face.

Kameron took the book and quickly flipped through to see when this class was, "Okay, I don’t know who that is, but clearly you are very excited about it.” Kameron looked at the date the class was scheduled and did a quick mental check of her and Asia’s schedule to see if they were available.

“I’m pretty sure that we’re both free on this day. Do you want to go to the class?” Kameron asked, already knowing the answer.

“Are you serious? Of course I want to go!!” Asia was elated. Kameron had never seen Asia so happy before. She knew that she made Asia happy, but not like this. She had never seen Asia glow with such pure joy and excitement before, and it was at that moment, Kameron knew that she would do anything to make Asia that happy.

“Okay well you should really get back to desk babe, before there is a real emergency and you get fired.” Kameron leaned over to give Asia a kiss, which she quickly followed with a second.

“I’ll see you tonight then?” Asia asked heading towards the door.

“Of course, I’ll be counting the minutes.” Kameron winked, making Asia blush.

——————————

As the day grew nearer, Asia’s excitement seemed to be dying down. Over the past week or so, whenever Kameron would mention the class, Asia would smile and say she was excited, but her eyes didn’t shine quite as bright and she always seemed to try and change the topic. She seemed to be in her head a lot more, and it appeared like there was always something that she wanted to tell Kameron, but never did.

They were out for lunch on their shared day off, at a local pizza place when Kameron finally brought it up.

“So I’ve been meaning to ask you something lately, just never got the chance.” Kameron tried to sound casual, but she was scared shitless on the inside.

“What’s that babe?” Asia asked over a bite of her pizza.

“Is everything alright? You just seem a little out of it and distant lately, and it’s starting to scare me a little. I’m starting to think that maybe I did something or said something to upset you.” Kameron couldn’t hide her nerves any longer and began to bite her lip and stare down at the table.

Asia’s heart almost broke. She knew that she had been a little more in her head and stressed about things lately, but she never realized that Kameron would have thought that it was her fault. Asia did her best to hide all of her stress and self-doubt from Kameron. “Oh no baby, it has nothing to do with you.” Asia reached across the table to take Kameron’s hand. ”I promise you I’m just stressed about school and midterms is all, there’s nothing to worry about.” Asia smiled at the beautiful woman across from her. “You know I have that design project due next week.”

“Are you sure?” Kameron asked, wiping at the tears on her cheeks with the back of her free hand.

“Of course babe, I promise that you haven’t done anything to upset me.” Still smiling at her girlfriend, Asia gently put her hand under Kameorn’s chin so she could look her in the eye. “Whatever is going on with me has nothing to do with you. Understand?”

Kameron only nodded and gave a gentle smile.

—————–

Kameron felt a little better after the talk she had had with Asia, but something was still bugging her about the situation. So on her break a few days later, she decided to talk to someone who knew Asia even better than she did.

Kameron was apprehensive at first, but still she knocked on the doorframe. “Hey Monét, do you have a minute?”

“Yeah sure girl, what’s up?” Monét had just finished her rounds and was now sitting behind her desk watching the security cameras.

“Well, it’s just that, lately, I don’t know, Asia’s been acting kinda weird and like I’m not entirely sure why. I asked her about it the other night and she said it was cause of school stuff stressing her out, but it just seems like there is something else going on and I thought you might know.” Kameron managed to get the words out, with some difficulty, eyes shifting and heart pounding so loud she was sure that Monét could hear it from where she was sitting.

“First of all, you need to calm down baby, everything will be alright. You’re not the only one that’s noticed. And I can’t believe that she told you it was just school stuff,” Monét said in disbelief, she was stunned that Asia would lie to Kameron like that.

“Wait, so it isn’t midterms stressing her out? Asia lied to me?” Kameron couldn’t believe her ears. She could actually feel her heart breaking. The burning tears started to prickle at the corners of her eyes, and her voice cracked when she spoke. “Why would she lie to me? I thought she trusted me?”

Monét could see the panic that suddenly washed over Kameron’s face and knew she needed to right the situation quickly. “Kam baby, Asia really cares about you, and I’m sure she just didn’t want you to freak out and worry about all her personal stuff. That’s all.” She also knew that Kameron deserved to know the truth. “Look, if you really want to know what’s going on with Asia, I’ll tell you.”

Kameron figured the answer was already written on her face, barely able to hold the tears back. “Yes please.”

“One of Asia’s classmates gave her a flyer about a competition that they think she should enter. Something about the winner having their design used by Bianca in her next show. I guess they’ve been hounding her about it for a while now, and Asia is just really on the fence about the whole thing.” Monét finished waving her hands about.

“Well I mean that totally makes sense now, why she’s been so stressed, but I still don’t understand why she never told me about this.”

Monét held out her palms in a shrug. “That’s something you’d have to ask her, baby girl.”

“Oh, I intend to.” Kameron’s hands were curling into fists. She wanted answers.

“The only reason I found out is that I saw her going through some of her design sketches and muttering about how none of them are good enough,” Monét remarked. “Like seriously, all of her designs are amazing and everyone can see that but her.”

Kameron took a steady breath in. “Well my break is just about over, but thanks for telling me all that. I have a lot to think about now, before I talk to Asia later.”

“Good luck girl” Monét yelled as Kameron waved goodbye and went back to the gym. It was a slow day which would have normally bothered her, but today it gave her the time she needed to figure out what she was going to say to Asia.

————–

At the end of the work day, Kameron was finally on her way to talk to Asia about the information she had found out earlier.

"Hey babe! Did you have a good day?” Asia couldn’t help but beam as she saw Kameron. As Kameron got closer though, Asia could see that she wasn’t smiling. She was biting her lip, and appeared to be in deep thought about something, which fired off a spark of worry in Asia.

“Hey,” was all Kameron could muster as she approached the desk, putting her bag on the counter.

Asia couldn’t hide the concern in her voice. “What’s wrong? Did something happen at work?”

“You could say that.” Kameron tried to hold back her anger. “I went to talk to Monét today on my break.” Kameron watched confusion cross Asia’s face. She continued, ”I was curious to see if ‘school stuff’ was really the only thing bothering you lately— not that I don’t trust you,” Kameron almost sneered. “But it turns out that I do have a reason not to trust you. I found out that you lied to me!” By this point Kameron couldn’t hold back the anger and betrayal that she felt. “You lied to me Asia! WHY!?” Kameron knew that she already had tears spilling from her eyes and could see the mixture of hurt and anger that was plastered all over Asia’s face.

“Okay hold on a minute. If you thought that I was still hiding something, then why didn’t you just come to me?” Not that it isn’t obvious why she hadn’t come to me. Why did I ever think that I could hide this from her?

“Because I knew that you wouldn’t tell me the truth even if I asked you about it. And I had to be sure, so I went to Monét, I figured if anyone would know it would be her.” Kameron let out a frustrated sigh. “I was worried about you, Asia. I can’t believe you’d lie to me over something so stupid. Why didn’t you just tell me about the competition?” Kameron’s shoulders shook as tears continued to stream down her cheeks, her whole body stiff with tension.

Asia looked down at the desk, guilt washing over her. “I’m sorry,” she could only whisper. “It was stupid of me but.. .it felt so trivial. I didn’t want you worrying about my personal shit.”

“I’m your girlfriend, Asia! I’m here to worry about your personal shit. I know your life isn’t rainbows and unicorns all the fucking time, life gets messy, but I want to help you with stuff. Even if it’s just something as small as a design competition. I want to be there for you.” Kameron reached over to grab Asia’s hands and squeeze them tight. “So please… don’t push me away like that again.”

Asia had also started to cry, but didn’t know when. ”Okay, I promise I won’t push you away anymore.” She was so touched by how much Kameron cared about her, and had also thought that she just needed to be there to protect her from the world. In the process, she’d forgotten that sometimes it’s okay to lean on someone else.

Kam reached up to wipe away the tears falling down Asia’s soft cheeks. “You’re always there for me whenever I’m having a bad day and have always been so good about accommodating my anxiety. Sometimes I just feel so useless, you don’t always have to be the one helping me. I want to be able to help you, too. I’m not some fragile little girl that’s going to break if you need to vent to me about things.”

“I know you’re not fragile and that I can talk to you, I just worry about your anxiety and overwhelming you. But I promise that I will start telling you about things that are weighing on my mind more often.” Asia leaned over the desk to give Kameron a quick kiss, before promising her that she would try harder to open up. She had to stop thinking that she needed to take on the world alone.

“Now can I see some of those sketches you’re so worried about?” Kameron suggested. “I’m sure that one of them is more than good enough to enter.”

“Well, I don’t know. I mean I guess you can look through my sketchbook, but it’s back at my place.” Asia was always unsure about letting people see her work, but she did just promise to let Kameron in more.

“So am I driving or are you? You know I could always stay the night… if you want.” Kameron gave Asia a wink, wiggling her eyebrows.

Asia came around the desk and wrapped Kameron in a tight hug. When they pulled away Asia kept her hand on the redhead’s waist, pulling her close. “You know that sounds good right about now. And maybe I can show you how sorry I am for keeping this from you.” To accentuate her meaning Asia slowly slid her hands down Kameron’s toned ass and gave a quick squeeze. Kam’s eyes went wide as she sucked in a sudden shocked breath, a playful smile forming on her full lips.

“Well I was really hurt when I found out you lied to me, so you might need to work really hard to make it up to me.” Kameron gently breathed out, before kissing Asia’s pouty lips.

“Well let’s get out of here then. It sounds like this is going to take a while."

————–

That night they were curled up in Asia’s bed, Kameron tucked up under Asia’s arm, looking at the designs that Asia had considered entering into the competition. Asia just wasn’t happy with anything that she had drawn and in her mind nothing she did would ever stand up to Bianca’s quality of work. Kameron knew that this was wrong and that anyone of those designs would win the competition for sure. Knew that all of Asia’s perfectionist and professional ways, made all of her designs beyond magnificent, and that no matter what Asia said she needed to enter that competition. Kam had a plan and she hoped that Asia would forgive her for it, in the end.

——————–

Kameron suspected that Asia wouldn’t be in any condition to drive that night, she had been sending her nervous texts all day, and was afraid that if Asia drove she might chicken out at the last minute. So Kameron told her that she would drive. Kameron picked her up at around 5 pm and spent most of the car ride listening to Asia’s excited chatter. Asia had no idea her sketches were in Kameron’s bag, neatly tucked away in a plastic folder (she seriously needed to thank Monét for that one).

When they finally got to the class, Kameron’s nerves were only eased by the pure excitement Asia had as she gushed over the sewing machines and picking the perfect table. Now, all Kameron had to do was find a moment alone with Bianca. When Bianca finally appeared Kameron thought that Asia was going to have a stroke. Just breathe baby, everything’s going to be alright. Bianca will love you and you are going to do amazing in this class, Kameron whispered into Asia’s ear, squeezing her hand tight. She could feel her skin prickling with nerves and anticipation; would Asia be mad? Or would she be grateful? What would Bianca think? Kameron had already anxiously run through all the ways this could possibly go wrong in her head, but despite all that, she still had chosen to go through with it.

They were about half way through the class when Kameron saw her perfect opportunity. Knowing she may not get another chance, after making sure Asia was fully immersed in her project, Kameron walked to the front where Bianca was sitting at a table, watching everyone work.

“Uuummm, excuse me?” Kameron was so nervous she could barely get out more than a whisper.

“Did you just say something?” Bianca looked up at her, a twinge of annoyance in her voice.

Kameron cleared her throat and took a deep breath before trying again. “Ah, yeah sorry. I don’t mean to bother you, but my girlfriend is a huge fan of yours, and I was wondering if you could look at some of her designs. One of her classmates told her that she should enter the contest you’re holding, but she doesn’t think any of her designs are good enough, so I was hoping that maybe if you look at them and see how good they are you could tell her yourself. I know that would mean so much to her.”

“Okay first take a breath before you pass out on me, because I really don’t feel like having to explain why a fully muscled and tattooed lesbian, was taking my sewing class instead of building a shed."

Kam did take a breath, not quite knowing if she should be offended.

"Second, does your girlfriend know that you have these sketches of hers? Because you know I don’t mind looking at them but I really don’t feel like getting in the middle of a lovers quarrel.”

“Uumm, well no she doesn’t exactly know that I took them, but like I said before–"

"Look, you seem like a nice girl and you clearly have good intentions, so why don’t we go tell your girlfriend about your little plan, and then I’ll look at those sketches.” Bianca made a gesture, like she was waiting for Kameron to walk back to her table.

Kameron had planned for this, had done her best to mentally prepare for this moment. Either Asia was going to be super pissed and pull her out into the hallway to scream at her, or she was just going to kill her and leave her for dead on the side of the road.

Asia was still completely immersed in her project when Kameron sat back down next to her, Bianca following close behind.

“Hey babe, that looks so amazing,” Kameron stammered. Asia still didn’t stop what she was doing, or look up. Kameron’s palms were sweating, and her breathing was beginning to get faster. She was really praying that this didn’t completely blow up in her face. ”So I have a surprise for you.”

Stopping what she was doing to finally look, Asia realized that Bianca was standing only a few steps behind Kameron’s chair. A surprised look crossed Asia’s face, before she realized that Kameron looked like she was about to pass out.

“OH MY GOD BABE!! Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Is your anxiety getting to you? Oh shit and here I am so caught up in my work that I didn’t even notice.”

Before Kameron could answer, the woman who had been patiently waiting behind her spoke up. “I do believe your girlfriend is just shitting her pants, because she came up with, in my personal opinion, a horrible plan to try and convince you to enter my contest.”

“What is she talking about Kameron?” Asia was now looking confusedly between her girlfriend and her idol.

“Well, you know how much I care about you, and that I would do anything to see you happy. And I just really wanted to do something that would show you how much I care. So I may have convinced Monét to steal some of your sketches, so I could give them to Bianca in person and have her tell you herself how amazing your work is.”

Asia’s eyebrows shot up and Kameron’s heart thudded faster. Oh no. Oh no she’s pissed, I need to explain myself more. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK! But people are starting to stare. God why do people have to stare?

“Because it really is amazing and you always seem to think that it’s not, and I just really wanted you to have as much confidence in yourself as I have in you. Kinda like the way that you’re always pushing me to have confidence in myself.”

Tears were streaming down Kameron’s cheeks at this point, she didn’t know when they had started, only that she wanted to crawl under the table and die. She couldn’t stand the way that Asia was looking at her and she thought that maybe if she kept trying to explain herself that eventually Asia would understand. Before Kameron could open her mouth to continue though, she felt a hand come from behind her to grab her shoulder, and watched as Asia got up from the table and stormed out the door, most of the class trying not to look up from their projects.

“Okay sweetheart, remember what I already told you about breathing. Just keep breathing. She needs a few minutes to process what you just told her. The rest of you please just go back to your own work. The poor girl doesn’t need your snoopy asses watching her.” Bianca’s voice cut through the clouds of Kameron’s anxiety, but still sounded like it was far away.

——————–

Asia was fuming, she didn’t know what to think. She was both hurt and touched at the same time by Kameron’s actions. She felt like she was being ripped apart inside.

How dare Kameron do something like this behind my back! What did she think she was playing at? I told her numerous times that I didn’t want to enter that contest, and she got my roommate involved? When would Monét have even given Kameron the sketches? But then again she put so much thought into trying to make me happy. And it took a lot of nerve to do what she did, and God I love that girl. Asia leaned against the wall and slowly slid down as the anger that she was feeling started to dissipate. Remembering the look in Kameron’s eyes as she tried to explain everything, the way she could see her anxiety taking over. Part of her wanted to run back in there and wrap her arms around Kameron, tell her that it was okay and that she didn’t need to worry. Another part of her knew that she needed to put herself first sometimes, and that she had a right to be angry with Kameron right now. She had violated her trust and gone behind her back.

Asia didn’t know how long she had been sitting on the floor in the hallway, but suddenly there was the shadow of someone standing over her. As she looked up, she quickly realized that Kameron was standing there silently wiping tears from her eyes. Asia said nothing, unsure if she was ready to talk to Kameron yet.

“I–I’m sorry.” Kameron’s voice was barely more than a whisper. Kameron took a deep breath, like the ones Blair had taught her to take. Kameron’s anxiety must have been high, but she clearly needed to speak her feelings, so Asia silently patted the floor next to her. As Kameron sat down Asia reached out to grab her hand, hoping this would help ease some of the anxiety the other girl felt.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, almost waiting to see who would speak first. Kameron decided that she should seize the chance to say something. “I know that you’re mad at me, and I can understand why. I just thought that no matter how much I begged you and told you how good your work was, you’d still never enter that contest.”

“You’re damn right I’m mad at you! I told you that I didn’t want to enter that contest!” Asia snapped. “But you went behind my back and did it anyway.”

“I know.” Kameron turned to face Asia. ”And I should have just listened to you. I wish I would have listened to you. I–I just thought–that maybe you didn’t want to enter—because you didn’t have enough confidence in your work.”

“Whether I had confidence in my work or not isn’t the point right now Kameron. You betrayed my trust– you AND Monét. You dragged my roommate into this, when you both knew my wishes and still you went against me. I thought of all people, I could trust you, but I guess I was wrong.” The fire in Asia was going out, now she only felt disappointed and heartbroken.

“You can trust me! I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never do anything like this again, I’ll never go against your wishes.” The desperation in her voice was so thick, she could feel it in her tears as they rolled down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to hear it right now Kam. I’m calling a Lyft and going home.” Asia got up off the cold hard floor.

“No– you paid for your seat in that class, at least stay to the end. You were so excited, remember? I’ll leave and call you a ride for when the class gets out.” Kameron gave a sad smile, getting up from her place on the floor. “The Asia I know is no quitter.” Kameron said over her shoulder, walking back towards the classroom to gather her things, leaving Asia to cry alone on the floor.

As Kameron walked back into the classroom, Bianca looked up from where she was helping someone out, to see Kameron grabbing her things, a defeated expression painted on her face. She excused herself, so that she could have a word with the girl, before she left.

“I know I said that I don’t want to get in the middle of a lovers’ quarrel, but if those sketches meant enough to you to completely ruin your relationship, they must be good. Mind if I see them?”

Kameron nodded and pulled the folder from her bag, handing it to Bianca with a sad attempt at a smile. It took Bianca less than a minute to realize the sketches were amazing, and thought that if Asia would have entered them, they would have been a shoe-in to place high, possibly even to win.

Not wanting to give Kameron any false hopes, she only nodded and asked if she could borrow them, saying that she would give them back to their rightful owner, when she returned to class. Kameron agreed and left, looking broken-hearted.

———-

Asia had made sure that Kameron was gone before returning to class and sitting down in front of her almost finished project. Still overwhelmed by all that had just happened, all she could do was sit there staring at the machine, almost like she couldn’t remember how it worked.

Her thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat, next to her work station.

“I know that it’s none of my business, but why exactly did you decide not to enter the competition?” Bianca asked.

Asia realized she was holding the folder with her sketches. The sight of it made her grit her teeth.

”Because I have to tell you,” Bianca continued. “That these are really very good. And before you say anything, I asked your girlfriend for them before she left. I was curious to see if your talents were really as good as she seemed to think.” The woman eyed her up very seriously. “I don’t compliment people often. So you know that I’m not bullshitting you.”

Asia relaxed a little, knowing all too well that getting a compliment from The Bianca del Rio was something to celebrate. “Thank you.” Asia blushed, and filed this moment away in her memory to tell Kameron, once things were hopefully resolved. ”The reason I didn’t want to enter the contest is because, well, because the first time that people see my work…” Asia looked down at the sewing project she had been working on, and unconsciously began playing with the edges. ”I want it to be in my own show.”

Bianca nodded. “I can understand that. I was the same way when I was young, but everyone has to start somewhere. Not even I, the great Bianca del Rio, saw my own clothing in a showcase all my own right out of the gate.” This made Asia giggle a little and a small smile spread across her lips. “I know that it might be hard to believe, but I was an apprentice at one point in my career and my mentor is the one who finally gave me my big break. So just work hard and before you know it, you’ll be showing off your very own clothing line soon enough.” Bianca playfully bumped Asia’s shoulder. “Also, this may just be my unasked for opinion, but you should forgive your girlfriend.” Bianca placed the folder on the table next to Asia. “I put my card in there, you know just in case you change your mind about entering the contest. Or if you ever need anything.”

“Thank you so much!“ Asia perked up, eyes lighting up with admiration for the woman standing in front of her. She knew that she had a lot to think about tonight.

With that, Asia placed the folder with Bianca’s card in her bag and went outside to call a Lyft. True to her word, Kameron had already called her one and it was waiting for her when she got out of class. Sitting in the back of her Lyft, phone still in her hand, she looked back at their most recent text conversation. Just a few hours ago, everything had been normal. Kameron was asking if Asia wanted her to pick up fries on her way over. Asia took a deep breath and closed out of their chat. She knew that she wanted to talk things out with Kameron, but she knew it would be best if she waited until the morning.

#rpdr fanfiction #asia o'hara #kameron michaels #asia x kameron #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #scarlet envy #plastique tiara #monet x change #bianca del rio #lesbian au #fluff #angst #some humor #fic challenge #black girl magic fic #crazy4kameron #diversity fic #stitch us back together

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paperclipninja · 5 years

Text

NCIS post-ep ramble 17x01

I know it’s been days since the season 17 premiere and I had every intention of writing something earlier but just didn’t have time (plus I have been so caught up in reading everyone’s thoughts and reblogging all these posts and general flailing that honestly, who has the time for anything??) but I most certainly do have a few thoughts and feelings about the ep I’d like to get down.

For those who don’t know me that well, hi :) and also, I’ve always been rather partial to a post-ep ramble (which is basically me trying to process everything by dumping many words here) so I thought I’d throw a few words down because let’s be real, ‘Out of the Darkness’ was A LOT.

Ok, so can we talk about the opening scene, because it seemed like a classic NCIS ‘guys doing a dodgy deal but wait, the team needs the vehicle’ kinda moment but then FINGERS. Actual freaking fingers on that car dash and I should mention I was live streaming this episode on the train on my way to work and I was NOT chill at this point because it was brutal.

I was having so many feelings right from the get go, I mean Ziva is back and even through we’ve had months to process this it still felt so surreal yet like she’d not really been gone for that long, except that from the very first interaction with Gibbs in the basement, you could just see that she’s different. It’s subtle but it’s there. I love that the moment Gibbs’ basement starts getting shot up and both he and Ziva are out of ammo, they immediately default to working together to create the makeshift explosive thing, no words, just right into the groove of knowing what needs to happen without treading on one another’s toes.

Meanwhile Nick, McGee and Ellie are obliviously having a drink (lol @ McGee lasting less than two seconds not talking about work), for anyone into the Nick/Ellie ship there was a nice little moment and the three of them hot foot it to Gibbs’ place after after McGee gets the call to say there’s been a shoot out (seriously, can you imagine being Gibbs’ neighbours? The weird-ass stuff that has gone down there over the years, that’d be one house you’d tell the kids to skip for trick or treating). I am so into the follow through from the Ziva set up last season, Ellie feeling like the fabric was familiar was a nice way to bring it all together.

It’s funny, after so many years of watching this show then stepping away for a little while, I’m really not sure what I expected when I heard that Ziva was going to return. My shipper heart is really just locked on to Ziva and Tony finally getting some kind of happiness, but I was unsure what it would be like seeing this character on screen after so long, especially considering the way she was written out initially. Can I just say that the way Ziva has returned to our screen exceeded any expectations I did or did not have. I never in a million years expected this show to not just consider, but actively highlight the toll of all the years of trauma and struggle of Ziva David. A credit to the direction in this scene, but as Ziva began having the anxiety attack in the sewer pipe and we gained our first glimpse of her battle with this demon, it was unnerving to see this character who had always remained so seemingly in control, so vulnerable. But it was also wonderful (and heart-wrenching and sad). I am so grateful to Gina Lucita Monreal (who I Stan v. hard btw) for showing this side to this character because to me, it demonstrates not only the character’s journey, but NCIS’s growth.

Gibbs knowing that Ziva needed space and giving it to her but then finding her in a state that clearly caught him off guard was once again something I was not expecting and I was floored, yet again, when the pills Ziva stuffed back into her pocket were actually addressed and spoken about on the bus (I realise it sounds like I’m just constantly surprised but in the past, it’s the kind of thing that may get followed up about six episodes down the track, though I’m aware there isn’t the luxury of drawn out breadcrumbs with this arc and honestly, I’m grateful).

The scene between Ziva and Gibbs on the bus is quite possibly my favourite interaction between these two characters ever. And yes, I mean in the entire series. Hearing Ziva talk about Tali, explain the significance of the necklace and then put it to Gibbs that wouldn’t he do anything if it meant he could hold his daughter one more time, ugh my heart. The ONLY thing I disliked about this episode was later when Ziva said she wasn’t talking about Kelly. I understand the sentiment and I am here for her calling Gibbs out on giving up on her every day of the week, but in that moment on the bus, it absolutely was and should have been Kelly she was referring to because it was in that moment that she and Gibbs connected on an entirely different level - as parents. And more than that, as parents who know what it’s like to risk everything because of the love they hold for a child. So while I do love that Ziva put it to Gibbs that he abandoned her, I do feel it could have been brought up in a way that didn’t diminish the power of that conversation on the bus. Because when Gibbs reached out and touched that scar on her wrist, it may have been a small gesture but the meaning was huge and yes I did start crying and no, I did not care that I was on a train.

Of course we must talk about Odette. Sweet, old, possibly an assassin or some other kind of highly trained deadly human Odette. When Bishop asked her, ‘who are you, really?’, all I could think was, same girl, same. I am so into this character and I really hope she sticks around because her turning up later in the ep with a car load of weapons and then wanting to join in just upped my curiosity even more.

I really am such a fan of Ellie, I have been since the beginning, and I did feel for her trying to balance the wishes of Ziva and her loyalty to her team. McGee’s reaction to finding out that Ziva was alive and that Ellie knew about it was definitely warranted and my Tiva loving heart is trying very hard not to read too much into everyone’s avoidance of answering whether Tony knows (read: I am 150% reading too much into it and of course he knows because Ziva has obviously been leaving clues the entire time that she’s ok and it’s fine, it’s all fine, I’M FINEEE*)

*I am not fine

Nick is immediately suspicious after the awkward af conversation in Vance’s office where every time he mentions something from the crime scene at Gibbs’, Ellie and McGee very obviously downplay or dismiss it. Plus Ellie’s sweaty neck is apparently a dead giveaway and I love that Kaisie also mentions it because when this show does funny, it does it damn well. Aside from the bus scene, my other favourite scene of this episode was in autopsy when Nick ‘I don’t even know this ninja but this is like the biggest news of my life’ Torres has just learned about Ziva and Jimmy ’you said the thing about Ziva and my ears heard it and now I think I need to sit down’ Palmer also gets clued in and honestly, this entire sequence is absolute gold. I heart Kasie so hard and her discomfort with the ‘weird air’ just lent itself to making the whole thing wonderfully hilarious and the dynamic between all the characters was so on point. Nick and Kaisie really are stellar additions to the show, it just works.

Ziva’s determination to go it alone definitely wavers momentarily after Gibbs has spoken to McGee and asked him to decode the encrypted SD card (so many lols at Gibbs asking Ziva if she wants to talk to McGee then telling him she says hi. Again, the writing in this ep is just brilliant, being able to slot in genuinely light and funny moments between the dark and serious), there’s the ever-so-brief expression before Ziva gets into the car, as though she remembers what it’s like to have a team, her team, working with her.

What is on the card of course leads Gibbs and Ziva to be standing in the man who uses phrases like ‘dope’ in front of his machete wall’s office and I have to say, his ‘what are these two homeless people doing in my office’ was accurate. The show then stabbed me in the heart with the necklace situation - either her heart or her albatross- and of course it all connects back to Ari (the parallel to Saleem ripping off her necklace was noted). We also get our answer as to why Ziva had those severed fingers in the opening scene which is still gross and brutal but also understandable and much better knowing that the dude was dead when it happened. But still gross.

One thing that really struck me was when McGee, Ellie and Nick see Gibbs and Ziva making their getaway and McGee and Ziva share their moment of locking eyes and her indicating for the team to stay put, it is Ellie who points out that, ‘she knows what she needs better than anyone else’. It was just really interesting to me that McGee’s initial instinct was to go after Ziva and Gibbs, despite Ziva clearly not wanting him to, and it is the woman on the team who points out that he needs to respect Ziva’s wishes and trust her. I have no idea if this was making some kind of larger statement but it felt significant to me for some reason. Plus I just love the respect Ellie has for this woman she has never met and I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for her to see Ziva in the flesh for the first time after harbouring her secret for so long.

We all knew Vance would find out eventually and omg Nick just cracked me up, ‘I’m the least guilty one in here, Bishop is the worst...’, he is just such a great character (in case I haven’t mentioned that enough times). I don’t know enough about Sloane at this stage and I’m a little confused about her role or position so I will catch myself up on that (or feel free to fill me in) but she also seems pretty cool. I think back to early days McGee, the nervous probie who was so unsure and then think of him in this episode, standing in Vance’s office defying orders and all I can hear is Tony’s voice saying, ‘I’m proud of you Tim’. I love that he’s backing Ellie and that he’s standing up for and trusting her and knowing Vance’s history with Ziva, it’s just all such a wonderful coming together of NCIS history and the present.

The final scene of course left us in a TBC moment as Gibbs’ attempt to arrest Sahar (or at least a woman I assume is Sahar but then it’s NCIS so who knows?) is railroaded by Ziva’s adamance that unless she is dead, Sahar will always be a threat. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds, I’m just loving the speculations and excitement and most importantly, consideration with which the show seems to be bringing back these storylines and characters and really, I do believe we are in for quite a ride and if this episode is anything to go by, one heck of a payoff.

#NCIS #ziva david #leroy jethro gibbs #ellie bishop #tim mcgee #nick torres #leon vance #tiva #ramble #thoughts #feelings #so many words

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forestwater87 · 5 years

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Would you want Gwen and David to become a couple at the end of CampCamp? And adopt Max as well? Cuz' I do...

Gwenvid becoming canon is one of those things I simultaneously love and feel is unnecessary. The show will never let it be as pure and fluffy (or emo) as the fans will make it, anyway, and there is no force on earth that will stop me from shipping this ship with every ounce of my shriveled little heart, so I’m kinda ambivalent on the whole thing. (Besides, I know at least one of the showrunners is not at all into it, so I don’t see it happening no matter how much we may want it to. As long as they keep giving us little ship nuggets we can read way too much into, I’ll be good.)

Also I’m not convinced CC is the kind of show that needs an end, so “at the end” is one of those things that … eh, whatever. It’s an endless summer existing outside of time. Does it ever have to end, as long as they keep having new ideas?

As for the other part of this question … oh, boy. Anon, you did not ask me to go the fuck off on this question, but I gotta because I’ve been holding all this inside for literal years, and I don’t even care that this will make me hemorrhage followers because I’ve been very good and very quiet about it for a long-ass time and I just gotta –

I fucking hate Dad//vid.

And you know? I didn’t used to. My feelings, much like those regarding Cute Waitress, went from “how cute!” to “eh, not my thing but whatever,” and now we’ve circled all the way around to my entire soul lighting on rage-fire every time it’s mentioned, and just … I hate it so much … it’s just …

I feel like this deserves an explanation. And I think the people who’ve already blocked me or whatever aren’t going to read it, so let’s put it under a cut just for the sake of scrolling. But here’s the cliffs notes version:

1. It’s #NotAllDad//vid. There are some iterations of it I don’t hate, and even quite like.

2. David adopting Max, as a general concept, blows. There are exceptions – see #1 – but 99 times out of 100 I hate it with all of my hate. (The short reasons why: David is baby and Forest has Issues, it’s kiiiiinda racist?, and it’s lazy, boring, and way overdone.)

3. The fandom will not fucking chill about it – at the expense of all other explorations of David and Max’s relationship. And that makes me highkey annoyed.

That being said, anyone who’s worried my blog will become a cesspool of dad//vid hate, please don’t be concerned. This is like lancing a boil of something (I’m bad at metaphors). All the garbage pours out in one massive textblock, and then I go back to being more or less chill about the whole thing. We’re dealing with years of repression here. Shit’s gonna be a lot more intense than it needs to be, and then we’ll settle back down to our regularly-scheduled CC fluff times.

I’m hoping this doesn’t make the fandom hate me forever … but given #3 up there, I’m pretty dang scared it will.

(And hey, I don’t want Cute Waitress to explode in a pit of fire and snakes anymore, so maybe my opinion on dad//vid will change eventually too. Always hold out hope, right?)

1. #NotAllDad//vid

Like I said, I didn’t used to totally despise the whole Dad//vid thing. Like, I love the idea of David having been a counselor for so long that he just has ingrained Dad Instincts (see S4E14 for the most recent example of this). David as the Dad Friend? Good shit. David as the mother/father hen of his little cabal of campers? Very good shit. Nonliteral interpretations of dad//vid are usually really cute and fun and have some solid basis in canon, and I’m all about it.

Even some of the more literal David-adopts-Max AUs aren’t … the worst. Some of my friends have written versions of it that are original or at least were at the time and really compelling, and usually they found a way of skirting past the majority of the issues in #2. It can be done well.

It just … usually … isn’t.

And for that we gotta see #2.

2. David-Adopts-Max Sucks as a Concept

There is nothing good about the idea of David adopting Max, at least based on what we’ve currently seen in canon.

(Yes, I am aware that I should couch statements like that with “in my opinion” and “with exceptions” and the like, but that’s a lot of work for this and a bunch of the stuff I’m gonna say in a second, so please just assume for the purposes of everything I put on this blog that it’s in my opinion. I’m not out here dropping Cold Hard Facts about Camp Camp of all things; I’m just spewing my feelings.

I have lots of feelings.)

I don’t really have a cute little opening segment for this, so let’s skip the hors d’oeuvres and hop right into the meat of it:

David is Way Too Young to be a Father (According to Forest, Who Has Massive Emotional Baggage About These Things)

David is 24 goddamn years old. You know who shouldn’t be put in constant legal charge of a 10-year-old? Someone who is only 14 years older than him. If he’d had Max the old-fashioned way he would be too young to go on 16 and Pregnant.

That is too fucking young.

I know that some people become parents that young, and even younger. I’m not saying your experiences are bad or invalid. I’m just saying, from the standpoint of being 26, that if one of my two-years-younger friends told me they were adopting a kid they knew from work, I would tell them they were fucking bonkers and to hand that child over to a grown-up immediately. This is especially true of David, who has remarkable emotional maturity but is also mentally about 8 years old. Gwen is the adult at that camp, and David is such a baby.

Please don’t give the baby a baby.

Also, I’m terrified of having children. I never plan to, I’ve only recently accepted the fact that I don’t have to (grew up religious; it was kinda a whole thing), and get knee-jerk defensive over the idea of anyone my age or younger having children. It freaks me out, and that’s not a good or right emotional reaction to have but it’s mine, and I lowkey panic every time I think of David having children because if he should have a child at 24 then I’m already late.

Yes, I get the feeling that I’m running behind. For something I don’t actually want, ever. In comparison to a fictional character. Whose fatherhood decisions are not even remotely canon.

TL;DR I have issues and my other arguments are decidedly more valid than this one

So How About That Racism, Huh?

I know this has been a matter of some debate in the CC fandom for a while now … but you know what? It’s not nearly enough of a debate. People should absolutely be talking more about the potential problematique aspects of having a way too young white kid take a child from his immigrant parents on some pretty shoddy evidence (which I’ll address in the next section). There’s some White Savior stuff going on there, some negatively-stereotyping-poc-and-immigrant parents going on there … I’m not saying these should completely disqualify any dad//vid AUs or speculation or anything, but it should absolutely be much more of a conversation than it currently is.

(This is why one of the few David-adopts-Max concepts I like is one in which his parents have died. Not only is it more interesting – again, see the next bit – but it neatly sidesteps some potential gross stereotyping, and that’s just always rad.)

I feel like the common counterargument to this is that there are not-great parents of color and not-great immigrant parents IRL, so wouldn’t it be dishonest not to portray that in fiction as well?

I mean … I dunno.

I’m not here to tell anyone how to write the One Pure Dad//vid AU or anything. But I will say that I don’t think most people in love with this concept have done anything resembling due diligence in considering how best to sensitively portray the complicated familial, racial, and other implications of this particular AU or concept.

Besides, it’s not real life. It’s fiction, which means any decisions are being made deliberately. It’s a choice to depict Max’s parents as abusive and neglectful monsters who immigrated to America to give their son a better life but that’s for the next section, and it’s not inherently a bad choice, but it’s one that should be made thoughtfully, with an eye to the history of negative stereotypes that already run rampant in fiction. That’s just part of the writing process, and not one that should be shunted aside because it’s more work and less dramatic than creating the biggest of big bads for David to make grand speeches at and/or punch in the face.

Just Not Very Interesting (And Done to Death)

Regarding the overdone thing: Reading a David-adopts-Max AU most of the time is just like reading every other David-adopts-Max AU; I’m pretty sure I could put all these fics on transparencies, overlay them on top of one another, and still have a legible story because they differ so little.

Now to be clear: This – along with the rest of my points in this section – are about personal taste. Some people love reading the same story over and over again, and it brings immense comfort to them. That’s okay, and you shouldn’t feel bad about reading (or writing) these stories and not wanting to break your back trying to find a new angle for it. Cringe culture is canceled, and my personal tastes should not dictate the fandom. You do you.

That being said, I’m also allowed to be so bored by almost all of these fics that I nearly fall asleep scrolling the AO3 feed.

And the frustrating thing is, it would take so little to make it different. All it would take is asking: what if it wasn’t that simple? What if his parents aren’t all bad? What if they’re trying their best, but aren’t able for whatever reason to care for Max the way he needs to be? (I’m thinking Deja’s mom from This Is Us, for a cool example.) What if they later come to regret whatever behavior is making them so sucky, and reconcile in some fashion with their son? What if David and/or Max have fundamentally misread the situation, due to being on the outside and a kid, respectively, and it turns out his parents are actually making the best decisions they can in this situation and David doesn’t need to literally become Max’s dad, but integrates into the family in another way? (Seriously, even “what if they’re dead instead of evil?” would blow my mind in terms of originality. It’s been done, but not nearly enough.)

So that’s the overdone thing out of the way. What about lazy and boring?

It just seems to me that, based on the evidence we’ve been given in the show, there are infinitely more nuanced and creative alternatives to “Max’s parents are canonically abusive and neglectful and deserve to have their child ripped away from them by the guy who sees him at his job like 2-3 months out of the year.” I, in fact, refuse to believe Max’s parents are bad people based on the current evidence, and won’t do so unless canon forces me to see no other option.

Because as of right now, I just don’t buy it.

Didn’t show up to Parents’ Day: Well, we know they immigrated from India to escape “menial labor” (S1E4), and we know capitalism stomps all over the kind of people stuck doing menial labor, so what if they were unable to get away from work or they’d be fired? Hell, what if they couldn’t afford it for whatever reason – car broke down, they don’t have a phone or were out of data, they got hurt or sick or something came up that was interpreted by a small child as a lack of interest because he’s been shown that he doesn’t fully understand either adults’ motivations (all of S1) or the complexities of living in adult society, though he thinks he does (S1E4)?

Didn’t give him an activity: What if their grasp of English isn’t great? It’s a damn hard language to learn, and I sure as hell couldn’t pick up a second language if I was working to the bone to support my family. I’m exhausted trying to get through my 5 minutes of French on Duolingo, and I have a relatively cushy job and the benefit of an owl harassing me every few hours. Maybe they looked at the absurd camp activities and assumed they were misreading something, so they handed it over to their son (who is clearly fluent) to pick something he likes. Maybe they wanted to give him some responsibility and a sense of autonomy in deciding what he wanted to do for the summer, and he was so annoyed at being sent off to camp that he refused to do it and interpreted their hands-off nature as not caring. Maybe they were tired and just told him to pick something and it’s as simple as that, because parents are allowed to be exhausted sometimes. Just strikes me as pretty bizarre that they’d bother sending their son to a summer camp (and those things aren’t cheap, even one as not-awesome as Camp Campbell) but not be invested enough to give him the activity. Saving all year to scrape together enough money for a summer camp, sure, but filling out one line on a piece of paper? Pfft, who has time for that bullshit?

(I recognize that assuming they’re poor based on a single line about “menial labor” might seem like a bit of a stretch to some people. But honestly, to me it’s no more of a stretch than assuming that they hate or don’t care about their son, or any of the other wild theories thrown around about Max’s parents all the dang time. At least this one is relatively new.)

Sent him a sweatshirt and a short note: Again, maybe their written English isn’t great. Some people are better at a spoken language than a written one. Or maybe they didn’t have enough time to write a long note, or they knew Max wouldn’t read it (he doesn’t seem like the type to be all that into long emotional letters). Regardless, they knew to send him something he’d like that would likely be worn down by constant wear at camp. And sweatshirts aren’t cheap. Neither is mailing a package. Just seems like a surprising amount of effort to go to if they don’t care about or love him.

Sent him to Camp Campbell for the summer: Let’s say they’re poor, based on the evidence we have. It makes sense to assume that they work relatively “unskilled” jobs, or are in school, or both. Because those jobs don’t offer benefits or a lot of money, we can also reasonably assume that they either work multiple jobs, long hours, or both. They probably don’t have family in the area or even the country, and it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect neighbors or friends to take their son in all day, every day, all summer so he’s not home alone while they’re at work (especially considering he’s not all that easy to get along with). He’s familiar with the city (S3E11), so we can assume he’s grown up in an urban environment, which means he’s probably to some extent a latchkey kid. Sending him to a summer camp would get him out of the city, around people his own age, where he’d be supervised and kept busy while his parents are at work until school starts. Camps are expensive, but I imagine Camp Campbell might be the best they can afford, and they’d assume it’s better than him sitting in an empty apartment all day.

Max’s insistence they don’t care: He’s … ten years old. Not only has he made it clear that he assumes the worst of most people, including adults, but it’s also relatively common for kids whose parents worked a lot while they were growing up to interpret that busyness as a lack of interest in them. It’s hard to understand things like expenses or financial security as a kid and view it as “my parents are never around and so they don’t love me.” Hopefully when he’s older he’d appreciate everything they’ve sacrificed for him, but at 10 years old it’s expected he’d feel neglected.

I’m just saying, maybe a borderline emotionally unstable child isn’t the most reliable source, is all.

This isn’t rock solid, I realize; I’ve made a lot of leaps of logic and assumptions extrapolating from what we’ve been given. But I don’t see it as any less plausible than his parents hating him or whatever the prevailing fan theories are, and more importantly: it’s a fuck of a lot more interesting (yes, yes, in my opinion). I think adding nuance and sympathy to Max’s parents will always end up more interesting than “good David vs evil parents.”

Of course, we’re in a bit of a limbo since we don’t know necessarily where RT is going to take this. There is every chance they’re going to drop the bomb that Max’s parents are literally as bad as everyone has made them out to be – and worse. Maybe they’re actually Xemug. Fuck if I know. And if that happens, I’m gonna call it out for being the cheapest and least-interesting of the possible options. Bad, lazy writing that pits pure good against pure evil is always gonna suck, even if it comes from the writers of one of my favorite shows.

I really, really hope they don’t go with that (to finally, I guess, answer Anon’s question fully). And I’m pretty forgiving when it comes to things people hate CC for: Dolph doesn’t bother me, most of the problematic episodes don’t bother me (that pee one is still pretty rough though), but if they go the “Max’s parents are the devil and that is why Max is the way he is” route, I’m gonna … well, just be so profoundly disappointed that the showrunners could’ve done something interesting and decided instead to go for the lowest-hanging fruit, that’s all.

FINALLY:

3. This Fucking Fandom

So here’s the thing. Dad//vid is unique among the “ships” in the fandom in that it is deliberately placed as “the anti-Max//vid.” And I understand why that was done, and I appreciate it holding up that particular vanguard; max//vid has no place in dad//vid, and vice versa.

But the problem with dad//vid being set up as the not-max//vid is that everything that isn’t dad//vid is suddenly viewed as “max//vid-lite.” Even when that makes literally zero sense.

See, even when I was briefly into dad//vid in its very literal “David adopts Max from Max’s evil parents” form, what I was really drawn to was the idea of David being Max’s older brother. Back when the fandom was like 100 fics on AO3, I had started planning out this long plot involving David taking on a brotherly role to this kid I thought really needed one. Admittedly I’m just a sucker for sibling relationships, but from the beginning I’ve been all about this brotherly bond, and so when a popular artist came up with the term “bro//vid” and it started gaining traction, I was all over that noise. There was finally a version of this relationship that wasn’t either “Max and David fucking” or “David literally adopts Max and becomes his literal father,” and I couldn’t be more excited.

And then … I found out that apparently “bro//vid” was becoming synonymous with “max//vid but secretly.” And … man, it really sucked to suddenly be treated like I was supporting pedophilia because I didn’t like the idea of David-adopts-Max as much as the whole big brother thing. I can’t even imagine how much it must suck if your favorite iteration of Max and David is something along the lines of mentor/friendship, without some sort of buffer of “well they’re basically (or literally) related.” Because if “these two as brothers” is max//vid-lite, then I can’t fucking imagine what that would be called.

And even when it’s not specifically about max//vid, it just keeps cropping up. I posted about the Season 4 premiere and expressed how much I saw a cute, brotherly relationship between David and Max, and someone immediately replied saying that they thought it was more like father-son. Which … yeah, fine, I don’t care if you see it like father-son, go nuts, but I am getting really sick of the fact that father-son is the only acceptable “ship” and everything must lean in that direction, no exceptions. (I know, it’s not a ship technically, but I don’t know what else to call it. Don’t read anything weird into me calling it that.)

I don’t think “please just let me enjoy these two and their relationship dynamic without making it pedophilia or insisting David adopt Max from his terrible evil parents” is that tough an ask.

Or at least, it really shouldn’t be. But somehow it … kind of is.

And that sucks.

(Also, I hate the whole “Max is David’s favorite camper” thing. It’s not technically tied to dad//vid, but it does often come hand-in-hand with that and it just irks me to no end. If David has such blatant favorites, he is terrible at his job and kind of a douchebag. I think he gravitates towards the camper(s) who need attention the most, because he likes feeling like he’s made a difference, but I don’t think David would just straight-up pick a favorite like that, not when he has a full camp of kids who need him. Just saying.)

#in which i rant a lot #campcamp #Anonymous #i am very sorry anon #and others #if you read all of this i will give you a cookie #if it made you think i will give you a hug

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dykecadence · 5 years

Text

A Dissertation to Prove that Alice Quinn from The Magicians is a Lesbian Experiencing Comp-Het

some of my twitter friends requested i post this on here so @alicequinnlove i hope this is good! (keep in mind this was written before the second half of season 4 so some things are out of date)

1. Her attraction to Quentin as compulsive heterosexuality

Alice only expresses attraction to Q once he has expressed attraction to her

Jumping into a relationship with the first guy to show interest in her despite knowing they don’t necessarily work (and that she is better than him)

Never feels sexual fulfillment in their relationship (until that one ep) but not saying anything about it

Rebounding quickly with another guy after Q cheats as if she is trying to prove something to herself/him

Every time she talks about sexual encounters before Q she says they were all uncomfortable and very impersonal

Look, as someone who struggled with comp-het for a LONG time and has dated guys because of it… Q is exactly the type of soft, nerd boy that is perfect for closeted lesbians to try and date as a means of making themselves seem straight. He’s non-threatening and when you don’t want to confront your sexuality it can be easy to trick yourself into getting crushes or turning friendships into something more.

Not entirely supporting my point because I do think opposite sex friendships are very important but; the fact that Alice was far more upset about her trust being broken and losing one of her best friends than the relationship ending

2. Her inherent unease around other women

Alice is uncomfortable around other women but not because she feels threatened by them. In fact, we don’t really know why she’s so uncomfortable with them at first.

Alice has no close female friends thus the way she views her interactions with women is skewed through Hetero Goggles

She would have no frame of reference for determining if there is a difference in her feelings toward women/patricular women

With Margo in particular, Alice is uneasy which I would chalk up to:

Margo compliments Alice/her body often

Margo being so comfortable with herself

Margo blatantly flirting with her at times

They have tension

I mean…… Margo/Alice Rights!

3. Magic often functions as an allegory for The Gay

Alice has always felt out of place

She fears her own “magic”

Her family didn’t teach her any magic she had to find it on her own

Magical found family narratives are for the gays only

Unaware of her own potential, still hasn’t unlocked it

She holds herself back in her magic, just as she does in every other aspect of life

4. Sex in this show is barely ever just sex

Basically everyone in this show uses sex as a coping mechanism

Especially Alice

Alice sleeps with Q because she’s stressed and worked up in Brakebills South

People had also been telling them to sleep together or speculating the would for months

She may have felt like it was what she was supposed to do

Her immediate distrust of the truth of her feelings once they get back is not something you would expect from someone who is getting what they want

She often says, “I love you” to Q but never says that she is “in love” with him. An important distinction as this show displays many different forms of love.

Alice sleeps with Penny when Q cheats. Why does she do this? To get back at him presumably but I don’t think she’s that petty. I think it was insecurity. Her trying to prove herself to herself.

Alice kisses Q/has sex with Q post-break up only in emotionally intense scenarios where she is overwhelmed by grief, power, or both.

Kissing him at the tree

Having sex with him when she gets back from being a Niffin

Carriage ride to the fight with the Beast

5. Alice has never really had friends

Her experience with comp-het and her inexperience with friendship would very likely lead her to misattribute close feelings of friendship with attraction.

I have personal experience with this so I feel this assumption is justified

Since she knows so few people and Q is the only one she has a close/friendly relationship with she clearly feels the strongest connection to him

She instinctively distrusts everyone and doesn’t let people in easily so it would be hard to know her true feelings

If we could see her in a close female friendship in this show I think she would bond quickly and strongly (as she did with Sheila)

It’s not that she doesn’t want friends, it’s that she has a hard time letting her walls down which ~gay~

It would be invaluable to see her have a close female friendship as we could compare that to her season 1 interactions with Quentin and decipher her behavior

Her few friendly interactions with Margo had a lot of tension before she and Q got together

6. Alice has not expressed attraction to anyone since her last encounter with Q in (I think) late season 2.

This encounter was an instance of sex not just being sex. It was her being overwhelmed after coming back from being a Niffin and seeking comfort/distraction in something familiar i.e. Quentin

Since then she has:

Not expressed in interest in getting back with Q

Not had sex with anyone

Not mentioned an attraction to anyone

Made no insinuation of lingering romantic feelings for anyone she has previously been involved with (with the exception of Timeline23!Alice but as she is not Our Alice she is not relevant)

Her attraction to and intimate interactions with Q have been nothing more than physical since season 1

They have slept together again multiple times but it was always because of some bigger emotional turmoil and not love

She said she didn’t want to get back together with him after the threesome and I think (in terms of a real relationship) she means that

But she used sex as a coping mechanism since Q was familiar/her closest friend and it made her feel like herself

I don’t think either of them have had genuine romantic feelings for each other for a while but U believe Alice’s went away faster (because she never really had them due to comp-het)

7. Gay Coding

A lot of aspects of this show are unambiguously queer-coded

There is no such thing as gay panic in this show so there is no need to be weirded out over gay stuff and if you are you are portrayed as the weird one (ex. Hymen)

Alice’s cold intelligence and manner is pretty lesbian coded

Her style is high femme and I will not be told otherwise

8. This doesn’t fit into a particular spot but…

When Q mentions the dream that Penny walked in to involving her and Julia kissing, her problem was not with herself kissing another girl or even that it was a kinda gross fantasy for Q but rather that Q was thinking about his former crush alongside her.

She doesn’t dwell on the gay of it all just the fact that Q is subconsciously thinking of his old crush

9. I would argue that Alice’s inability to find sexual pleasure with Q (until that one ep) is a ~problem~ on both of their parts.

Partially due to Quentin having no clue what to do

But I think mostly due to the fact that she doesn’t really feel sexually attracted to him

The one time it is “fulfilling” to them it is because they are trying to get Penny back

Alice is determined to get shit done so I’m sure she is capable of…. Fulfilling her part in getting Penny back even if she didn’t really feel as much as she should

As I’ve said, they never really have sex just because, there’s always an external factor (as far as we the viewer are aware)

10. She had more chemistry with Penny than with Q despite “loving” him

11. Her previous experiences

She was standing up and at a party for all of them according to her

These interactions are:

Impersonal

Likely the result of alcohol

Clearly not fond memories

12. Niffin!Alice and Dark!Willow are Very Similar in quite a few ways, enough said

13. Her feelings for Quentin feel like the “I’ve decided to have a crush now”

As I said, she only expresses interest in him once he has expressed interest in her

Crush comes out of nowhere

She seemed very professional with Q at first

She skips friendship and goes straight for crush

But the crush was really friendship

Her romantic feelings for him are contingent on how emotional she is

14. Alice awkwardly avoiding talking about the Incubus’ penis

She doesn’t wanna say penis lmao

15. New Addition: “But she and Q got back together!”

I felt the need to address this additional point and why it doesn’t effect my theory.

Once Alice left The Library she was a prop for the rest of the season.

Logically they have no reason to get back together as they’ve both been growing far more on their own than they did together.

I think her going back to him only serves to prove she is only with him because she desperately wants to feel loved even if she doesn’t quite understand her own feelings

Alice is reaching out to reconnect with Q in an attempt to gain some of her old self back

She knows she cares for him and that he cares for her and she automatically assumes that romance is the logical answer for those feelings

It’s comp-het babey

Them getting back together was a cheap ploy to add more emotional weight to Q’s death

If anything I feel it supports this theory

In conclusion, Alice Quinn is a lesbian. Send tweet

#this is a mess hopefully it's okay lol #watch me get hate on this even though i haven't actively done anything tm related since like april w egg nation #ill die on the lesbian alice hill #alice quinn #the magicians #tm #the formatting on this is so ugly on mobile I'm so sorry

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akinnie75 · 6 years

Text

I Can Be Beautiful

Pairing: Jin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Slight Angst, Slow Burn

Word Count: 22.6k

Summary: Jin is called ugly by everyone, so he wants to prove that he can become beautiful.

“Ewwww! What the fuck?? Get away from me!” A female classmate roars, breaking the silence in the classroom.

Interrupted by the sudden scream from their fellow classmate, everyone has their heads turned around to see what that was about. In the corner of the classroom is the female classmate who shouted. Her hands are raised up as if she had touched something gross, and her forehead is creased in frustration and annoyance. Luckily for her, the teacher is out of the room so that her scream didn’t result into her getting in trouble, but the reasoning for her repulse is the student sitting in front of her, Jin.

“He touched my fucking pencil!!” The female classmate sways her hair to the side after calming down a bit, then she leans forward to her seat. “Ugh, whatever. I didn’t like that pencil anyways.”

Once the class understands what was going on, they all turn around and snicker, only showing their backs to the scene, no longer their eyes. The female classmate had dropped her pencil while she was erasing her mistakes on her assignment. The pencil had rolled and gently tapped on the side of Jin’s sneakers, alerting him. He felt the slight tap of the pencil, picks it up to return it to his classmate, then followed by the scream.

“Your...pencil.” Jin timidly lets out his soft voice—a voice that has yet to hit puberty.

The classmate gives Jin another death glare, then lowers her head to the assignment resting on her desk. “No, keep it.” She answers rather quickly, sweeping her hand, motioning him to look away from her. Not once does she make eye contact with him again after he picked up her pencil. She then turns to her classmate sitting next to her and gives her a smile that should’ve been given to Jin. “Can I borrow a pencil?”

Her classmate giggles. “Why don’t you take your pencil back? Doesn’t it still work?”

“Are you kidding me? I might get the ugliness disease like doofus here if I touch that pencil again. Now hurry up and give me a pencil before Mr. Shithead returns from next door.”

The class burst into a fit of laughter hearing her snarky remark. Hearing the booming response of the class, the female student clearly tries to hide the prideful smile from her face. Jin, being the butt of the joke, can feel his insecurity and low self-esteem surfacing. Wanting to hide from his class, but knowing that he can’t, he does the best he can do and turns back to his desk, trying to return to work without having his eyes well up with humiliation.

While everyone either continues with their worksheet or laughing at the funny comments made to Jin, you, on the other hand, stare at Jin, not with the feeling of superiority, but with sympathy. You and Jin have been attending the same school ever since kindergarten, but just recently been put in the same class this year. You know that in elementary school, Jin was just another student, making friends like any other kid, but he was just unfortunate enough to be targeted.

But once the horrors A.K.A. middle school began, image became everything. Not following the status quo meant that you became a target for those who crave self-confidence. Your disability becomes someone’s advantage, and that’s the cruel system of school. This is not an official rule of the school, but instead was formed de facto. It all started with a simple ‘you’re weird’ to Jin that began this trickling effect of bullying and teasing.

You, having your own insecurities, know how it feels like to be judged because a portion of your body doesn’t fit normalcy. There are times when the insult doesn’t hurt as much, and there are other times when you can’t help but just cry alone after hearing rude remarks. Everyone has their insecurities, but choose not to show it. Instead, they release it on people like Jin, who’s insecurities they can’t hide.

You have always wanted to talk to Jin, moving your position from bystander to friend, but your spineless back is constantly looking out for yourself, as you do not want to be under the same umbrella as Jin. You hate yourself for that. You know Jin is going through worst, but it becomes human instinct to stay away from danger. However, to what extent will you hide in order to protect yourself rather than to save someone?

------

With this being the end of the first semester of your last year of middle school, your year is allowed to go to a field trip that every student agreed upon, with of course some limitations, such as location and budget. After much debate among the student council, the students all agreed to go to the aquarium for the field trip. You didn’t really care whether the class went to the aquarium or some other place. You just know that middle school is ending and that you just want to hurry up and jump on ahead to the next phase of your life. Your middle school phase wasn’t the best, nor was it the worst. You just hated how this school works, with lack of adult advisory and students dominating the control of the school.

In the school bus, you sit with your friend, and the loud chants and shouts of the students fill the air. You have gotten used to this loudness coming from your class, so you ignore it by listening to music through your earphones. Your friend has been chatting for quite some time, but you choose not to listen. Instead, your gaze is focused on Jin, who is sitting with the teacher in the front because no one else wanted to sit with him.

Jin is staring out the window, and you can see that there is a clear distance between him and the teacher. You thought about how it would feel like to sit next to him—thinking about the conversations the two of you would have and how you would be able to make Jin smile. You replay the scene over and over again, being the hero Jin needed. You become so lost in your imaginations of talking to Jin that you forget that your friend was even talking in the first place.

Irritated by your lack of attention on her, your friend pulls one side of your earphone off. “Hellooo? Have you been listening to me?”

“Huh? Did you say something?” You grudgingly turn your attention to your friend, interrupting your thoughts about Jin.

“Geez, you weren’t listening to me at all, were you?? What did I expect? You had your earphones in anyways, and you weren’t even looking at me!” Your friend rolls her eyes. “Anyways, listen to me about Jorge! He never pays attention to me! Kinda like what you’re doing to me right now!! Gosh, how come no one ever listens to me?? This is why I fucking hate my life.” You can hear your friend’s voice crack, as her eyes start to well up with tears of self-pity.

You never liked your friend anyway. All she ever did was complain about boys. Every time you tried to talk about something other than boys, she would somehow bring it back to that topic. You thought that since your last year of middle school is coming to an end and your friend going to a different high school, you should break ties with her. She does nothing helpful for you anyway. You were only her friend because she leeched off of your work, and you needed someone to make you look like you have at least one friend.

Since your friend loves the topic of guys, you decide to bring up a topic that you’ve been meaning to talk about with your friend. “Hey, what do you think about Seokjin?”

“‘Seokjin’? Who the fuck…?”

You lower your eyebrows out of irritation. “Seokjin Kim? Jin?”

It doesn’t ring a bell with her.

You sigh, and you point at Jin.

“Ohhhhhhhh!!! That weirdo! Geez, I kind of forgot what his real name was for a second.”

It wasn’t that you ‘kind of’ forgot. You completely forgot.

“Anyway, I think that Jim or whatever his name is is fucking ugly. Heard that he’s got some virus that makes him ugly, and if you touch him, you’ll become grotesques like him.”

You’re not surprised that your friend thinks similarly to everyone else. There was no point in asking when she blindlessly follows what the majority says. You’d just wish that there’d be one person who thinks differently of Jin.

“Why bring him up? Did you, like, touch him or something? You scared you gonna become deformed like him?”

“No! That isn’t even…” You sigh. “Never mind. I was just curious.”

But your friend pays no attention to you, as Jorge gets up from his seat and runs across the walkway of the bus. Your friend catches notice of this, and she slaps you on the shoulder.

“Oh my god, oh my god. Jorge is walking this way.” She panics.

She looks opposite from Jorge, brushing her bangs behind her ear as Jorge walks passed by her. Jorge pays no attention to her whatsoever, running to his friend from the back.

“Was he checking me out?”

Internally, you roll your eyes, but you know that if you tell her that he didn’t, she would go on for another hour about how much she hates Jorge, only for her to crave for him again. “Yes, definitely.”

She smiles, but this dreamy moment is ruined when the teacher spots Jorge running around on the bus. “HEY! Jorge!! Get back in your seat right now!”

All of the students sitting in the front hears the teacher’s shouting, and they all turn their heads to see what’s going on, including Jin. But as he turns around, he catches you staring at him. You immediately hide your head, gasping slightly. Your face turns red while you bump your head repeatedly on the seat in front of you. You must’ve looked like a weirdo for staring at him! You pray that he doesn’t think too much about it.

------

Since the your year has a large number of students, your teachers required that you all split into groups of six or seven. You and your friend get into your group, but you keep an eye on Jin, to which not surprisingly, his group purposely leaves him out. There’s a large gap between him and his groups, circling around each other while Jin is excluded.

The students are free to do what they want as long as they stay in the aquarium, so once the teachers give the okay, they all disperse into various directions. Your group wants to see the jellyfish exhibition, so you and your group are heading in the opposite direction of Jin’s group. You watch as Jin is walking behind his group, the tips of his fingers holding onto the bottom of his red, oversized sweater.

------

Though you were supposed to stick with your friend, your friend ended up gluing to Jorge, who visibly seems uncomfortable with her clinging onto his arm but tries to play it off normal. You pretty much end up being the outcast of your group, but it’s not a problem. You don’t feel like conversing with anyone anyway. You rather enjoy the different sights of animals.

While following your group to a different section of the aquarium, you notice from afar another group, and it’s Jin’s group to be exact. Everyone is there except for Jin himself. Where did he go? Or did his group lose track of him?

You know that you’re supposed to be with your group at all times, and separating with your group means that they can get in trouble. You look back at your group, and you debate whether or not you should risk leaving your group to search for him. But then the thought of Jin getting in trouble by the teacher because his group left him makes you second guess your doubts. Since it’s not like your group cares if you’re with them, you slowly back away from them, then you walk off in search of Jin.

------

Every time you see one of the teachers or another group of students from your school, you would hide from them by sneaking behind poles or people. You don’t want to get caught being alone, otherwise you and your group could get into trouble.

You’re walking in one of the wide corridors, walls decorated with imprints of seashells and bubbles. You look around, and the halls aren’t as busy, most likely because the majority of people are still at work or school. Your school went in the morning so it won’t be a while until you start seeing more people. At most, you see toddlers with their parent or parents, running around and pointing at every sea creature that catches their eye.

“Honey, why don’t we go to the petting area? You get to touch the fishies in there!” You hear a mother exclaim excitedly in an over-exaggerated manner to her daughter.

The young girl’s mother points to an open entrance, and above it is a sign that says ‘petting exhibition’. The girl seems excited at the thought of touching animals, so she jumps up and down while clapping her hands. The mother carries her toddler in her arms then enters the petting exhibition. They go to the closest shallow pool, where the mother sets her daughter down to let her play with the various fish in the pool. You can’t help but smile. It’s nice to see a little girl getting excited to touch an animal, especially since you’re so used to seeing girls get more excited about their romantic interest paying attention to them.

At first, you didn’t notice that there’s another person on the other side of the pool. The red color of the sweater catches your attention first, but when the face of the person looks familiar, you knew that person to be Jin. Your heart nearly skips a beat, as you weren’t expecting Jin to be here. His sleeves are rolled up, and he’s crouched over, hands dipped in the pool to touch the creatures in there.

You start to feel nervous, doubting whether or not you should approach Jin. Perhaps he wants to be alone, but then again, you risked leaving your group and getting in trouble to look for him. Since you’re at your end goal, you might as well commit all the way to the finish line.

You take in a deep breath, then you walk to him. He doesn’t notice you walking towards him, which makes it feel a little better for you knowing that you’re not being watched by him. You crouch down next to him, and you watch him mindfully sway his hands back and forth in the water, still doesn’t feel your existence right next to him.

“Hi, Jin.”

Hearing his name, Jin jumps in fright and quickly turns his head to you. He looks very surprised to see you, but at the same time confused as to why you’re here and talking to him. Jin doesn’t know whether or not he should reply back to you since you might be saying hello to someone with the same name as him. Since it seems like he isn’t going to say anything to you, you try to think of other subjects to talk about.

“Sorry, it’s just that saying ‘Jin’ is easier than ‘Seokjin’, so I said it without thinking. Would it be better if I called you by your full name instead?”

“N-no...it’s okay.”

It’s been so long since someone at school has called him by his real name that for a moment, he actually forgot his name. Jin doesn’t say anything, and he continues to play with the water. The atmosphere between you two starts to feel heavy, and you search for anything to talk about.

“Do the fish in here feel weird?”

“Kinda.”

“How do they feel like?”

“Some of them feel bumpy, and some others feel smooth.”

“I’m always kind of scared to touch them because I think they’re going to jump on me or bite me.”

“Yea.”

It hasn’t even been a minute, and the conversation is already at its end. What else can you say to him? It’s as if he’s answering simple questions because he wants you to leave. Are you perhaps annoying him with questions?

“Uhm, if I’m making you feel awkward, then I can leave.”

“No…! I-it’s okay!”

“Okay.”

You didn’t want to leave him alone, but then the conversation is getting so frigid that you don’t even know what to say. You finally have the opportunity to talk to Jin, and you’ve pictured yourself talking to Jin numerous times. But now that it’s become a reality, your mind is drawing to a blank. You don’t even know Jin at all other than that he’s your classmate, so you’re not sure what to ask him.

“Is your group with you?”

You weren’t expecting Jin to initiate a conversation, but it’s a relief that he does intend to talk to you. For the least, he doesn’t look like he wants you to go away, so you feel a bit better about yourself.

“No, I uh...got lost,” You look away from him, feeling terrible for lying, but it’s embarrassing if he finds out that you purposely left your group to find him. “I was looking for anyone I recognize, then I found you.”

Jin nods his head slightly, hands still swaying around in the water. You start to notice that this entire time, Jin hasn’t glanced at you yet, nor has he taken his hands out of the water. You really start to wonder if you’re bothering him, but he’s just too courteous not to tell you.

Jin doesn’t say anything else and continues to pet the animals in the pool. Since it seems like he isn’t going to speak again, you finally put your hand in the water. Your hand hits the cold water, and you freeze up a bit. You’ve never touched a sea creature before, but the thought about touching one creeps you out. You can feel your hand twitching a bit, not wanting to touch them, but you’re curious to know how their texture feels.

Your hand explores all depths of the water, touching every corner. Since you get squirmish, you turn your head away from the pool and let your hand do the touching and your head do the imagining. You do touch something that doesn’t feel like a rock or sand, but something smooth and soft. It almost feels too smooth to be a sea creature. You look down to see what it is, and you’re touching Jin’s hand.

You both look at each other, and for the first time, you make intentional eye contact with Jin. But once he realizes that you’re touching his hand, he is reminded of all the horrible rumors, about how he has some contagious virus. He swipes his hand away from you, reality reminding him that he is the outcast, fearful that you might think that his hand is disgusting, just like what everybody else says.

Based on his reaction, you knew within seconds why he pulled his hand away. You don’t want him to put you in the same group as those bullies; you want him to know that you don’t think he has a disease. Without thinking, you reach your hand out to Jin’s hand, grasping it as tightly as you can to make sure that he can’t let go a second time.

But once you realize that what you’ve done is completely stupid and impulsive, your face turns red. You release Jin’s hand, trying very hard not to look at him. If you thought everything you’ve done prior to this is embarrassing, all those times are nothing compared to this moment. You put down one of your hands in the water, wishing that you can splash water in your face to cool it down.

“I’m...uh...sorry.” Why can’t you just drown yourself right now?

“It’s okay…”

You take one quick glimpse at Jin, and you can see that his ears are red. Is he blushing…? You don’t know how to feel about this. Is he embarrassed because you grabbed his hand? He could also be upset that you touched him without permission. You slump your head, as if your day can’t get any worse.

“I uhm...I…” Jin stutters with his words. “Can I say thank you...for keeping me company…?”

You look up as a glimmer of hope glitters across your eyes. Even after that uncomfortable situation you put both him and yourself in, he still wants to thank you?

“I-I mean! I shouldn’t have to ask...what I mean is...is...uhm…” Jin is stuttering more with his words as his face turns redder by the second. “Thank you.”

You’re relief that even after your first awkward conversation with Jin, he isn’t bothered by you. You can’t help but smile, making all of your teeth visible to him. You cannot express the amount of happiness he’s just given to you.

“Thank you!”

Seeing you smile for the first time, Jin can’t help but stare. This is the first time a person smiled directly at him without any malicious intention behind it. He’s never seen anyone look so happy like you, and honestly, he can’t bring himself to look away from you.

Realizing that you’ve just thank him for thanking you, you’ve just put yourself in another sticky situation. “Wait, no...I should say ‘you’re welcome’...what am I saying? No wait, uhm…”

Ugh. Since when have you been this amateur in conversing with someone? Why are you feeling so nervous? It’s just Jin.

Though you’re now in the same position Jin was earlier, you’re stuttering and trying to think of what to say to him. Instead, Jin gives you a gentle smile to calm you down. “It’s okay.”

------

You and Jin are in the gift shop, and you’re looking at all of the sea turtle and otter plush. Jin is close by, looking at all of the souvenir keychains that have the most generic names printed on them. He searches for a keychain with his name on it but isn’t surprised when he can’t find his name. There’s the option to have an employee carve your name, but they charge you extra.

You’ve given up on returning back to your group and decided that it’s better to stay with Jin. You know that Jin’s group won’t bother looking for him, and it wouldn’t be fair if he were to get in trouble for being on his own. After the petting zone, you and Jin decided to go to the gift shop. Because this is your first time talking to Jin, you don’t really say much to him, but once you got over the awkward situation, it became normal.

You look at the shelves filled with various kinds of keychains. Some of them are designed in cartoonish fashions, where a dolphin is standing vertically and smiling, or a shark wearing sunglasses and holding a cup of red juice. They’re all cheaply-made keychains sold more than the cost to make it.

You look around, and you see something that catches your attention. It’s an acrylic keychain of a sea otter wearing glasses and holding a star to its chest. You chuckle to yourself, since it kind of reminds you of Jin. It gives you to urge to buy it, so you go to the cashier and pay for the sea otter keychain.

After buying the keychain, you reunite with Jin, who’s looking at the different types of sweaters they have. Jin notices that you’re holding a small bag and a receipt. “Did you buy something?”

You nod.

Jin is in the border of wanting to ask what you bought and refraining from asking. You think it’s a bit embarrassing that you bought something because it reminds you of Jin, so you’d prefer it if Jin doesn’t ask. Lucky for you, Jin doesn't ask, and the two of you go to different sections of the aquarium.

------

You and Jin spent the rest of your time looking at the fishes, learning about the basic facts of each fish and admiring their vibrant colors. You two don’t say much to each other, but it’s not an unwanted lack of conversation. You start to learn that Jin isn’t much of a talker, and it’s fine either way.

You end the day with you two at the roof of the building, sitting together on a bench, gazing far into the sunset as it bleeds into the horizon. Though there wasn’t much interactions between you and Jin, the day with him is far better than being with your group.

“Hey...thanks again...f-for hanging out with me…” Jin timidly breaks the silence.

You turn to him and grin. “No need for thanks! It was really fun hanging out with you.”

Jin blushes slightly. “R-really? But...I didn’t talk much...a-and…”

“I rather have it quiet than hearing something dumb come out of a person’s mouth.”

“Oh…”

“W-wait! But I don’t mind if you talk! I-it’s just...I don’t know...I’m always hearing someone making a dick joke or talking about boys, and it gets really annoying and…”

You cover your mouth, realizing that you said an inappropriate word in front of someone innocent-looking. Great, you probably sound like a hypocrite, saying you hate something, but still say the word anyways.

“Sorry…”

For a second, Jin didn’t understand why you’re apologizing, but then he realized that it must be because you said ‘dick’. He chuckles, lips slightly curling upwards, finding it funny that you think he’s pure that he’s never heard anyone say that before. Seeing him laugh, you can feel the temperature of your cheeks rising. You’ve always pictured what Jin’s smile would look like, but you’d never expected it to look this cute. No, you tell yourself. I should just be his friends.

Unfortunately, your short time with him has ended, when you two see a group from your school, mocking and gasping when they see you talking to him. This is the first group you’ve seen after spending the day with Jin, and they make their presence notable by constantly pointing and laughing at you.

“Oooooo!! (Y/N) and Jin are going on a date?! That’s kinda fucking gross.” One of the students say aloud purposely so that you two can hear.

“Maybe she got forced to stay with him. Who knows, the teachers don’t know that Jin’s sick. She might have to wear a quarantine suit to get near him.” Another states.

And the insults keep coming. Hearing all of these malicious words thrown at Jin hurts, reminding him that everyone in his school hates him for how he looks. But what makes him feel worse is having you dragged into this. Now, you’ll have a share of Jin’s pain, and everyone will definitely start talking about this the next day. You’ll become the next bully victim, and Jin absolutely doesn’t want that happen to you.

You, on the other hand, are tired of this. You’re tired of people picking on Jin because of his looks, but you know that you can’t go against a group of students. It’s better if you and Jin just move to a different location.

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

You stand up, and Jin is confused. But you simply smile, reaching your hand out.

“People are being disruptive here.”

Jin looks down timidly. He gets up, but he doesn’t take your hand. Instead, he hides his hand under his long, red sleeves, and he keeps his head down to make sure that no one else sees him with you. You’re a bit offended that Jin didn’t want to take your hand, but you know that it’s because of that group that’s making him feel insecure again.

------

“What do you want to do? We have an hour left until we have to get back together with the entire class.”

Because of the group, you and Jin left the rooftop and headed into the hallways. You try to make conversations with Jin, but he isn’t answering. What the students said about him and you still lingers with him.

“Jin?”

“...Don’t you think you should get back with your group? I don’t want to get you in trouble or anything.”

Jin keeps his head down, thumbs twiddling. He looks so hurt by what they said, and you hate to see him like this. You two were having fun until then, why did they have to ruin it?

“I won’t get in trouble as long as I’m with another person. I don’t necessarily have to stay with my group.”

“I-it’s not about that...I...I...you know what I am...to other people. They hate me...and I don’t want them to hate you too.”

He admits what he’s worried about, and it only hurts you more that he truly believes what others say about him. Jin has been beaten down so many times by the words of others that he’s practically living what they say he is, but you want him to confirm that he isn’t what they say.

“It doesn’t matter. They can say what they want to say about me because in the end, they’re just cowards. People have their imperfections, including you and me, but that’s what makes people special.”

Hearing you say that, Jin starts to admire you. Why can’t he be confident just like you? You say it so boldly, and he wishes he can just fight off the words just like you.

“So even if people call me or you names, I’m still going to talk to you the next day.” You smile.

Jin is happy to hear that from you...but at the same time, he isn’t. He’s been hiding this from everyone.

“...I’m...not going to be here next year.”

“What?”

“I’m moving…”

Jin is moving?! But you just swore today that from now on, you’d be his friend!

“I didn’t think anyone would care if I moved...so I didn’t say anything. But...I still appreciate it hearing you say that you’d still like to talk to me.”

You don’t want him to go. You still have so much more to say to him and learn from him. Why did it take too long for you to become his friend, especially since you knew about him since elementary school? Why couldn’t you have more confidence and talk to him? You don’t know what to say other than to be angry at yourself. You spoke to him too late.

But when you think about it, is staying here the best for him? His bullying will just continue if he stays, and he’ll remain who he is now. Maybe moving out might be a good opportunity for him to have a fresh start—at a place where no one would judge him. If he’s leaving, then you want to do one last thing before he goes. You rummage through your gift bag, revealing the sea otter keychain. Jin stares at it curiously.

You blush, thinking about what your going to do is embarrassing because you’ve never given a boy anything. “...It is...okay for me to give this to you?”

Jin’s face and ears turn red, as he’s never received a present from someone before, nonetheless from a girl. He takes it diligently, hands still hiding under his sleeves.

“...I wish we can talk to each other more, but it looks like we can’t really. If I can’t go with you to your new school...then I’ll give this to you as a reminder of today. Think of it as a good luck charm for your next school!”

Suddenly, Jin bursts into tears, which scares you. Thinking you might’ve done something to him, you panic, trying to think of ways to cheer him up.

“Oh no...uh...Did I say something to make it worse??”

Jin shakes his head. No matter how many times he tries to wipe away his tears, he can’t stop crying. “(Y/N), thank you...Thank you for making this a fun day…”

Though he said that...he wanted to include one more thing. He wanted to thank you for giving him hope—hope that he still has a chance of making friends. He’s so happy that he can’t stop weeping.

------

You wake up to the sound of the alarm clock from your phone. You grudgingly open your eyes and turn off the alarm clock. It’s seven in the morning, and your first morning class is about to start in two hours. You sit up, moaning as you scratch the back of your messy hair, tangled from the constant tossing and turning.

You’ve been having a lot of dreams about Jin lately, especially about the time when you two hung out at the aquarium. You can never forget that image of Jin crying when you gave him that keychain. You’ve never seen someone cry that much before over a small gift. It just shows how much hate Jin went through that even the littlest things is enough to make him happy.

The reason why you’ve been dreaming about Jin is because a few weeks ago, he contacted you via social media. He found your name and recognized your profile picture, so he sent you a private message. It’s the usual questions, asking how you’ve been and what you’re doing now. You tell him that you’re doing well, and you’ve been studying marine life after graduating high school. You learn that Jin has become interested in acting and is majoring in theater, which you find to be astonishing, especially for someone as shy as Jin.

You look at his feed on his account just to see how much he’s changed, but he doesn’t post a single picture of himself. His profile picture isn’t even a picture of himself. It’s a picture of a camera. For a second, you thought that this person might be impersonating Jin, but with the way your conversation went, there’s no doubt that this is Jin.

Jin tells you that he’s transferring to your university, which explains why he contacted you. He’s nervous about starting a new semester at a new school, so having you with him would make him feel less nervous. You remember how shocked you were when you first heard that Jin is going to the same school as you again, so with each day getting closer to when he’s supposed to transfer, the more nervous you get. Every day, all you can do is think about him. You wonder if Jin has changed, but judging on your conversation with him through text, he seems to be a bit more extroverted now. It seems like he can make a conversation flow now, which is nice.

You groan to yourself, seemingly unable to get rid of the butterflies in your stomach. Today is the day where you and Jin are supposed to meet up and give him a quick tour of the campus. You don’t know whether or not you should dress up to show off that you’ve become an adult. Most of the time, you go to class in a thick sweater and sweatpants, so definitely, you should just try a little harder, but at the same time, not try too hard to look overly fashionable.

------

You leave class after it ended, and you keep checking the time on your phone as it moves closer to the meetup time. You’re feeling nervous, not knowing how to behave around him or what to say. You want to know how much has changed with him, wondering if he’s become more confident in himself.

You’re at the meeting place, which is by the side of the campus cafe. You just texted Jin that you’re here, but he hasn’t replied yet, so you assume that he’s not here yet. You keep looking at the faces of the many students who walk past by you in hopes that one of them is Jin. You only remember bits and pieces of his face because it’s been so long since you last saw him, but you know that you’ll surely recognize him once you meet him.

But...Jin chose a bad spot to meet with you. Just now, a group of obnoxious girls just found a spot right beside you, all surrounding a tall, male figure. You find large groups like these really annoying, as you find them distracting. You’ve never really been a big fan of getting into large groups like this because all they do is disrupt others around them. Since they’re really annoying you, you’re thinking about texting Jin and telling him to change the meeting spot.

Right when you were about to leave the spot, you hear someone calling your name. “(Y/N)!”

You search around for the person who called your name, but you don’t see anyone you recognize. You’re about to leave your spot when you hear your name being called again. You keep looking around, but you don’t see anyone.

That’s when you turn to the small group of girls, and the man in the center is waving at you. You squint your eyes, not recognizing him at first. But when you see that all too familiar smile —the one you never forgot even when you were in middle school—you knew him to be Jin, but at the same time, you’re extremely shocked that the one grabbing the attention of girls is Jin.

Jin wiggles his way out of the crowd, approaching you. You tilt your head, observing as this strange yet familiar man getting close to you. He gives you a gentle smile, his cheeks and ears turning slightly red as he timidly looks down.

“H-hi...it’s...uhm...been a while.”

Despite his voice getting deeper, the way he talks is definitely reminiscent of Jin back in middle school. He’s more fashionable than he was back then too, wearing a dark blue jean jacket, blue jeans, and a black shirt under. He has one strap of his backpack over his shoulder, and his black hair is combed neatly to the side, barely showing his forehead. Also, his skin looks pigmented—as if it got paler. He no longer wears glasses, and his skin is absent of any acne or beauty marks whatsoever. He is the definition of an ideal man.

And yet, he’s so similar to the Jin back in middle school. The way his long sleeves cover his fingers, his shoulders raised up and head slouching forward, that constant habit of looking down and speaking in a quiet tone. This is all without a doubt Jin.

“Oh uh...hi Jin. It really has been a long time.” You debate whether or not you should mention that he looks different, but you decide to keep it to yourself.

You can feel the eyes of the other girls glaring at you, wondering what your relationship is with Jin. You wish you can blurt out that you’re Jin’s former classmate, but you don’t know if that might offend Jin.

“It’s pretty hot...so I was wondering if we can...uhm...go get a drink in the cafe before we take a look at the campus. I-is that okay?” Jin says as he scratches the back of his ear and pointing with his other hand.

“O-oh yea, sure.”

------

It feels like a million eyes are on Jin. You understand why though, because Jin is so handsome. Even you can’t help but stare at him sometimes. You can’t believe that this is the same kid from middle school who got bullied. If only his bullies can see him now.

You and Jin are sitting across from each other. Jin is looking at the reflection of his hand mirror, trying to fix his hair, and you’re sipping your tea, waiting for him to finish. You notice that every so often, a girl will stare at Jin, then look away timidly, but then stare at him again, which you find unusual.

“How was high school? Were you able to settle in fine?”

“Huh? Oh, yea I was. Everyone was nice to me.” Jin puts his hand mirror back into his bag.

“That’s great. I was worried about you not settling in. N-not that I mean that it’s impossible for you! It’s just…”

Jin smiles, as he knows exactly what you’re talking about. “It’s okay, I understand what you mean. Everyone was very kind.”

You sigh in relief. Middle school was a bitch, and it’s no wonder that you’d thought high school would be the same for him too. You’re just glad that you’re out of that hellhole and in college now, sitting across from Jin.

“I’m glad that high school was good for you.”

“How about you? How was high school for you?”

Jin switched the subject to you very quickly, which you found odd, but you didn’t really mind. “Oh, it was whatever. Kinda like every other high school story you’ll ever hear.”

“Like what?”

“You know, meet new people, go to dances, forget to do homework, studying really hard to get into a decent college. I didn’t do anything too memorable.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

You wonder if Jin made a lot of friends. Seeing how those girls were really comfortable with him, he must’ve been popular, and not to forget his looks too. His face would have attracted a million people. You’re even becoming curious about his love life—did he ever date anyone in high school? You’d love to ask, but you feel like it’ll pry in to too much of his personal life.

It’s nice that you and Jin have a natural-flowing conversation. You were worried that things would become awkward, but you two are carrying yourselves pretty well. You soon forget that Jin has become this super handsome fellow, since it feels more like you’re talking to the same Jin from middle school.

While you two are having a nice chat, you forgot about the attention that Jin is attracting. There has been this one particular girl who’s been staring for a long period from a corner table. She’s wearing an oversized gray sweater and has long, black nappy hair. She definitely looks like she’s had a rough morning.

Out of the blue, she stands up, gets close enough to you and Jin. She shoves her phone right in front of Jin’s face, taking a quick shot of his face, and hurriedly walks out of the cafe. Jin jumps from the suddenness of the camera appearing in his face. She rushed out of the cafe even before Jin got a glimpse of her, but he plays it off like nothing happened. It doesn't seem to bother Jin as much, but for you, you can’t tolerate this.

You stand up from your seat and chase after the girl who took the picture. Once you get close enough to her, you grab her by the shoulder and turn her around.. She looks at you, pretending to be surprised that you chased after her.

“Who are you?”

“Yea hi. Can you please delete that photo you just took of my friend? That was really rude of you to do that.”

She pretends to act dumb, one eyebrow raised as if you’re talking nonsense. “What are you talking about? I didn’t take a photo of anyone.”

What the hell is she talking about? Is she expecting you to act as if none of that ever happened?? You’re not having any of this today, so you keep on pressing for her to delete the photo.

“I’m asking kindly for you to delete the photo. I won’t report you or anything, all I want is for you to have some respect and get rid of the photo. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like it if someone took a photo of you really up close like that.”

“Can you just stop spewing bullshit and leave me alone? You have no proof that I took the damn photo, so go away.”

Is she fucking serious?? She literally took a photo of him right in front of you, and she’s asking you for proof? You feel like punching her, but you try to keep your composure before you attract any attention.

“...Everyone saw you take the photo, so it’s just safer to just delete it, please.”

“Fuck you. It’s a free country.” And she walks off as if none of this ever happened.

All that rage you kept settled down inside is about to burst. You just want to march right up to her and sock her in the face until her nose breaks. You would’ve been able to do that too, if it weren’t for Jin running out of the cafe and stopping you from beating that girl to a pulp. Right when she turned the corner, Jin ran out of the cafe to stop you from going after her.

“(Y/N), it’s okay, really!”

“No it’s not okay. I’m ‘bout to beat the shit out of that bitch. Let her know that walking with that fucking bad attitude can get her to deep trouble.”

You try to walk around Jin to go after the girl, but he keeps getting in the way, which is attracting eyes—the opposite of what you wanted to do initially. Since Jin is getting involved with this, you don’t want him to get into any trouble, so you let this slide once.

“How can you be fine with that? It annoyed me just seeing that happened.”

“...No one got hurt, so it’s okay if she did that.”

You can’t believe he would be okay with that. You would be enraged if someone did that to you, so Jin should be too. It almost sounds like...he’s used to it.

“Well, okay...if you’re fine with it.”

------

You’re in the lecture hall, ten minutes before lecture begins, sitting alone as people are flooding in. You play a few games on your phone to kill time, as times like this is usually agonizing and boring. Excluding Jin, you don’t really have any friends after high school, so majority of your college life has been going to class and going back home to study.

During the middle of your game, a girl takes the seat next to you. At first, you didn’t mind, but then she keeps staring at you, which starts to bother you.

“Is this seat taken?”

“No. Go ahead and take it.”

“Okay cool! By the way, my name’s Margaret.” She sticks her hand out for a handshake.

You don’t know why she’s introducing herself, but you don’t want to play it off as rude. You turn off your phone and reach your hand to shake hers.

“(Y/N).”

“I’m a theatre major, and I’m just taking this course to get rid of my general credits. What about you?”

“This is a lower division for me. I’m majoring in marine biology.”

“Ohhh, makes sense, since this college is predominantly consisting of that major. Well, it’s good to have someone in this class who’s majoring in it! I don’t understand any of this at all.” She snorts while taking out her notebook.

When she mentioned that she’s majoring in theater, it makes you wonder if she knows anything about Jin, since he’s a theater major too. But you don’t want to ask in case she doesn’t know him and you just ended up embarrassing yourself.

“You know, you look kind of familiar. Are you...by any chance, Seokjin’s friend?”

You thought that was kind of strange to bring it up. “Yea? I am.”

“Ohhh okay, because the other day I saw you talking to him, so I assumed that you two are friends.”

So that’s the reason why Margaret started talking to you—you know Jin, and she most likely needs you to do her a favor.

“You see, we have a gathering coming up pretty soon with the neighboring college, and we would like to have Seokjin to come with us buuuut...he keeps refusing. Soooo...I know this is a lot to ask, especially since we’ve just met, like, right now but likeee…” she keeps dragging out her sentences because she dreads having to ask something from you. “Can you...convince him to come to the gathering?”

You squint your eyes, in disbelief that this is the reason why she was trying to be comfortable with you.

“Look, I might come off as needy, but like Seokjin doesn’t look like he’s close to anyone but you. If anything, other than rehearsals, he’s a closed book.”

“Why do you need him to come?”

She stares at you blankly, as if she’s trying to come up with an excuse from the top of her head. “Oh you know, since he’s a transfer student and all..we just want to be close with him, that’s all.”

There’s no way you can believe that. It’s blatantly obvious what her intentions are: Jin is handsome, so either she wants to hook up with him or impress the other people by having someone as good-looking as Jin. It’s only been a few days since Jin transferred here, and you’ve already spotted the way people treat Jin—he’s nothing more than a spectacle to be stared at.

“I’m in no position to convince him whether he should go or not. If he doesn’t want to go, then that’s his choice.”

Margaret does not look amused by your answer. She was hoping that you’d be an easygoing person and do whatever she asks, especially since she was using her pleading voice too. Besides, there’s nothing you’ll benefit by being the one asking Jin.

Margaret tries to play it off cool, brushing her hair to the side and showing off her million dollar smile. “Oh, okay. I was just, uhm, wondering, you know? Because it seems like he’s really close with you, and we just want to help him be more comfortable with other people. I don’t know if you know this but in theater, you gotta let loose with your personality, ya know? And we want him to, like, do that.”

You can tell by her repetitive use of certain words that she’s trying so desperately to think of ways to convince you to make Jin go. No matter how hard she tries to convince you, it won’t change your decision.

“I’m not as close to Jin like you think I am, so if Jin doesn’t want to go, then I shouldn’t push him to go.”

“...Okay, fine.” Margaret takes her bag and walks off.

You didn’t expect her to walk away like that. Just a moment ago, she was trying to be friendly with you, and the next thing you know, she walked off. You sigh, but you resume your game again. It’s frustrating having people approach you for their own selfish reasons. You dislike how people look at Jin, but you especially don’t like how Jin is okay with it.

------

“She said that?”

You and Jin are walking together across the long outdoor corridor to your next classes. Jin is trying to fix his hair by looking in the hand mirror, whipping his bangs to the side and making sure a single strand doesn’t stick out. You felt like complaining to Jin about what happened today in class, so you explained everything to him. He looks guilty, as if it’s his fault that this happened to you.

“I’m...sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get dragged into this too.”

“Oh, no! It’s not your fault but...I just thought that if you didn’t want to go, then no one should force you to go to some gathering. Because if it’s like that, then you won’t have fun.”

Jin doesn’t say a word for a while. “...I do want to go...but...I’m kind of scared of going alone.”

“What? But you’d be with everyone from your major.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he doubts himself by keeping quiet. “Uh...Can you...never mind.”

“What is it?”

“...I was just wondering if you could...go with me,” he says it, but then he looks like he automatically regrets asking for that favor.

You’re surprised that he would even ask of that from you, and it makes you blush a little. Though you didn’t know him that well in middle school, you knew enough that Jin doesn’t like going to events that involves a lot of people. It is a shock that he even wants to go, and he’s making the effort of wanting to go. If it makes him feel more comfortable making more friends, then you wouldn't mind going. Besides, you’re not really busy anyway.

“Yea, sure! I’d love to come.”

“Really? Thank you!” Jin smiles shyly while looking down.

You blush a little. That smile of his is so rare, but it’s your weak point when it comes to Jin. With that smile, you’d do anything for him, which you think is not safe whatsoever.

------

Maybe you should’ve said no about going with him. You forgot that you hate going to gatherings, which probably explains why you have no friends and is in no clubs. In a Korean barbecue restaurant, it’s filled with no one else other than theater students from both your school and the neighboring school. Everyone looks unfamiliar to you, and you don’t want to try making new friends either.

The moment you and Jin entered the KBBQ restaurant, Margaret snatched Jin away from you, greeting both you and him but taking him away. Turns out that Margaret really did want him to come so that she can flirt with him. Not wanting to be rude, Jin allowed her to take him away, but he was also making sure that his hair doesn’t get into a mess. You’re left to wander the restaurant on your own.

You sit by yourself at a table, and you order a bunch of meat. Jin did tell you that the one in charge of this gathering is going to pay for everyone’s meal, so you take advantage of that and bought every single meat. You wonder how rich a person is to be able to pay a huge group of students’ checks, but you’re still going to eat regardless. Meanwhile, Jin is sitting a few tables from you while Margaret tries to make small talk with him.

Jin keeps staring at you, pleading for your help, but you can’t do anything either. You’d love to help him, but you know you might start a fight with Margaret. She’ll assume that you’re trying to ‘steal’ Jin away from her. Plus, you kind of want to see how Jin is with other people, since Margaret did mention that he isn’t close with anyone but you.

During the midst of Margaret’s non-stop chattering, a male figure, most likely an upperclassman, sits next to Jin, wrapping his arm around his neck. Jin looks clearly uncomfortable, but he forces a smile as if he’s having fun as well. The upperclassman is talking to Jin about something you can’t hear with dozens of students talking all at once, but you can tell that Jin wants to get out of this situation. Suddenly, the upperclassman wipes kimchi on Jin’s cheek. He laughs playfully, but Jin looks clearly upset. He gets up from his seat and rushes to the bathroom. You get up from your seat as well, but then you’re immediately stopped by two girls who take your spot.

“Hi! We noticed you were alone, and we just thought that you’d like some company.”

“Oh, no it’s oka-”

“My name’s Miranda! We’re from the other school in case you don’t recognize us.”

“Uhm, I really have to go-”

You try to get up, but then the two girls pull you down so they can continue their chat with you. Why does everyone like to talk so much?!

------

In the restroom, Jin keeps looking in the mirror to fix his hair and is frantically trying to get the kimchi off his face. Even though all of it is off, he can still feel the sensation of the kimchi crawling under his skin, making him feel conscious that a rash will appear if he doesn’t scrub it off completely.

Why did that upperclassman have to do that? Because of that, Jin is now worried about his skin, and his hair is also a mess. It’s already a problem going to a KBBQ restaurant and smelling like grilled meat, but to get food on his face too, it’s another hassle that he has to deal with.

Jin rummages through his backpack, and he takes out the sea otter keychain that you gave to him years ago. He doesn’t particularly like this keychain as it is a reminder that he was a loser in middle school, but he can’t bring himself to throw it away because it would remind him of you. He didn’t even want to go to this gathering at all but...he just wanted to show you that he changed, that he’s no longer that wimpy kid from middle school, but it obviously didn’t turn out so well.

Jin exits the bathroom, when he nearly bumps into another person who was standing right by the door. “Oh...I’m sorry.”

The person he nearly bumped into is Margaret. After he had left to use the restroom, she followed him to make sure that what the upperclassman did didn’t offend him too much.

“Hey, sorry. That guy can be such a jerk sometimes.”

“It’s okay…”

Jin is not in the mood to be talking to people right now, but Margaret doesn’t seem to be getting the memo. She slides closer to Jin, looking down as if pretending to play it shy as she tries to reach over to his hand. Jin reacts to that quickly, pulling his hands away from her.

“Oops, sorry. I didn’t mean to...but it’s just that I kinda like you, and I wanna get to know you better.” Margaret confesses.

No you don’t. You don’t like me. Not me. Instead of looking ecstatic about the confession, he looks disgusted. “I’m sorry, but I don’t like you...not in that way.”

“Why not?? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No, it’s not that…”

“Is there someone that you like?”

Jin freezes, not saying a word.

“...Is it that girl that you brought here?”

Again, Jin doesn’t say anything.

“You know, from what it seems like, (Y/N) doesn’t seem interested in you in the same way you are with her. It looks more like she sees you as a little kid to be watched over.”

...She says it to discourage him from pursuing you, but he’s well aware of that. He knows that you see him nothing more than that bully victim from years ago, so that’s why he’s making an effort to show to you that he’s changed, even if you will never recognize it.

“...I know...but I think I’ve put this off for so long that it doesn’t hurt to try.”

This is not the kind of reaction Margaret did expected. She wanted to discourage him enough to where he thinks about giving up on you, but from his tone, it seems like he already came to terms with that. More so, it seems more like a miracle if you even like him romantically.

She tries to think of other ways to impress him. There is one strategy she knows that usually works on men she’s hooked up with before, so makes an attempt at it. She pushes Jin to the wall, tiptoes forward to forcefully press her lips against Jin’s. Jin is in a state of shock, comprehending what is going on, but when it clicks that Margaret is kissing him, he tries to fight her off. Her tongue tries to invite itself into his mouth, but he refuses to open his lips.

Instinctively, Jin pushes her off, falling to the ground as he gasps for air. Usually, Margaret would have seduced men like Jin because it gives them a feeling of being desired, but after being pushed, Margaret realized that Jin doesn’t want that; he doesn’t want to be noticed in the way that Margaret does it.

To prevent from getting into trouble, as well as feeling even more humiliated, Margaret marches off. Meanwhile, you were finally able to get the girls to stop talking, so you rushed to the restroom to see if Jin is okay. You bump shoulders with Margaret, and she clearly looks pissed, but you don’t know why. You watch as she aggressively grabs her purse resting on a chair and grunts as she storms out the door.

You have no idea what just happened, but you know that it probably isn’t good for Jin. You rush to the restroom halls, and you find Jin just staring blankly at the wall in front of him, as if he can’t understand what just happened.

“Jin! Are you okay?!”

You approach him, putting your hand on his sleeve, but he jerks his arm away from you. When he realized that it’s you that tried to touch him, Jin looks apologetic. “I’m sorry…(Y/N)...I didn’t know it was you.”

“It’s fine but...did something happen?”

Jin shakes his head, pretending like what happened earlier didn’t exist. “No, everything’s okay. But, I am getting tired, so can we go now?”

You think that it’s very sudden of him wanting to go home so quickly. Maybe a gathering is too much for an introvert like Jin. Or perhaps whatever Margaret did to him bothered him to the point that he wants to go home. You don’t want to push him further, so you agree in going home with him.

He picks up his bag that he left hanging on the chair, and the two of you exit through the entrance. You look at his expression, he looks disturbed. He told you that he’s fine, but the look on his face says otherwise.

------

Margaret is so upset about what happened at the restroom that she calls her roommate to complain about everything. She still can’t believe Jin had to be an asshole and pushed a gentle lady like her away.

“Yea, can you believe that?? I welcomed Seokjin to our class with open arms, and he fucking started touching me. Like, all I literally did at the bathroom was wait for him and ask if he was alright, but he had to do that. Like what did I even do?! Ugh, I’m so pissed off. Let’s go to the club and grab a drink or something. I’m in the mood to get wasted tonight. Call you later, bye.”

Margaret is walking alone at night in an isolated part of the city. There are no cars, no people, no one. Though she is scared about walking alone at night, she shouldn’t have hung up the phone with her roommate, in case something might happen to her.

Without her roommate to distract her, her paranoia increases, and she raises her shoulders up as a sign of defense. The wind whistles and paper drifting across the street, scaring her even more. To keep herself busy, she goes on her phone again, looking at the latest tweets from the celebrities that she follows.

She hears footsteps approaching her, so she turns her head around to see who is it. But even before she can react, Margaret gets hit on the head, and she falls to the ground, unconscious. The person behind her steps over her body, rotates her head to reveal Margaret’s bloody face. The person is a young woman roughly the same age as Margaret, but her long black hair being nappy and wearing only a large, gray sweater.

The woman crouches in front of Margaret and takes out her phone from her pocket. She goes through her photo album app, which has hundreds of pictures of Jin, unaware of being recorded by her. In one of her latest photos, it’s a picture of Jin’s face up close—the same one she took when you and Jin first met in the cafe, and when you tried to pick a fight with her. There’s another photo of you and Jin walking together across the outdoor corridors, and she zooms into your face.

She compares your face with Margaret, but she clicks the roof of her tongue as she pieces it together that she accidentally got the wrong woman. However, Margaret did something impure to Jin, so it’s not like she did this without a purpose. From behind, you and Margaret look the same, but in all honesty, all girls look the same in her eyes. The only person who looks different is Jin, and he is her one and only special person. She wants to be special to him too, but then you’re in the way.

For now, the young woman grabs Margaret by the leg and drags her to the alleyway, plotting her next plan to get you next.

------

You and Jin are at the campus cafe, and you’re on your phone, and Jin is trying to fix his hair, whipping his bangs to the side as he stares into his hand mirror. You notice that whenever you and Jin aren’t talking, he’s always checking himself in the mirror that he carries. You don’t recall Jin being this conscious about his looks back then, but then again, it makes sense since he has to keep himself in check since people look at him for his looks. You don’t like this necessary, but if Jin wants to do this, then so be it.

You haven’t brought up what happened back at the restaurant. You’re scared that it might trigger Jin, so you don’t want to upset him. Jin also acts as if what happened back there never happened, pressing on with his day like it’s nothing.

Jin finishes fixing his hair, and he puts his hand mirror away. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t want to say it. You turn off your phone, waiting for him to say whatever he has to say.

“Uhm...so the play is coming up soon…”

Oh, that’s right. You always get weekly events about what’s going on in your school sent to your e-mail, but you always delete them because you know that you’re not going. However, you do remember that Jin is participating in the play that is happening this weekend.

Jin keeps scratching the back of his neck, looking away from you. “A-are...you free that Saturday?”

“Yea, I am.”

“...I-I was wondering if...you can come.”

“Sure! Of course!”

Jin is surprised that you even agreed to going. His face lights up like a child receiving candy, but he quickly calms down, as he tries hide how happy he is for you to going.

“It’s exciting. I’ve never gone to a play, and I’ve never seen you act before, so it’ll be my first time for both.” You smile.

Jin nods, but he looks like he’s thinking about something else. His ears are turning red, meaning that he wants to ask you something, but he’s too embarrassed to say it.

“Also after the play, I have something important to tell you.”

What does he have to tell you that he can’t tell you here? Why does it have to be specifically after the play? Perhaps it might be something that’s too personal that he can’t tell you here. Maybe it has to do something about Margaret.

Your conversation abruptly ends when an unfamiliar woman approaches you and Jin. She puts her hand to her hip, and she glares at Jin, which is unusual. Usually, you’d be the one receiving the glares, not Jin.

“Are you Seokjin?” The woman asks.

“Y-yes…? Do you need anything?”

“Good, because I want to ask you what the hell you did to Margaret. Did you play around with her?”

“Excuse me…?”

You stand up to get in between her and Jin. “Hey, before you start excusing people, who are you?”

“I’m Margaret’s roommate. She didn’t return home after that bastard got up all her.” Margaret’s roommate points to Jin.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you don’t know? Well during that theatre gathering, Seokjin here fucking molested my friend!”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s a strong accusation to say so suddenly, especially since she blurted it out in the middle of a busy cafe. The moment the word ‘molest’ came out of her mouth, everyone turns to your direction. Jin is quick to stand up, horrified to hear that accusation.

“I didn’t!”

“Shut the fuck up! You fucking seduce people with your face, isn’t that right?! Then you fucking play it off sweet. Margaret told me about how you’re a fucking fake. Because of you, she’s probably humiliated and hasn’t returned home since!”

Wait, Margaret hasn’t returned home ever since that night? Just what is she doing that takes days for her not to return home? And where is her roommate getting all of this information?

You finally put it together about what might’ve happened. Margaret might’ve forced herself on Jin, and Jin must’ve pushed her away to make her that upset. Then she might’ve concoct a lie to tell her roommate, but then...you don’t know what happened to her afterwards.

“Jin wouldn’t do something like that. Maybe if you listen from Jin’s story then-”

“Why the fuck would I listen to a man?! I know he’ll make up some lie and say that he’s innocent. Men always think that they can get away with shit like this, and this time, I’m not going to let him off. He fucking did something to Margaret!”

“Don’t be so biased, please. I hope you know that women can molest people too, so don’t bring gender politics into this conversation.”

“How can you side with a man like that?! Shouldn’t you be on Margaret’s side?! What the fuck did she do to you to make you agree with that pig??”

She points to Jin again, and you turn to look at him. He looks terrified, but he doesn’t know when to stand up. You’re concerned for him because so far it seems like all of the blame is on him, but you know that Jin wouldn’t do something like that. He’s too gentle to do something as horrible as that.

Because the three of you are causing a disruption in the cafe, an employee blissfully interrupts your argument. “Excuse me, you three are causing too much trouble here, so I’m going to have to ask you all to leave.”

Margaret’s roommate looks offended, as if she doesn’t believe that she’s a part of the trouble. “Me?? Are you kicking me out too?!”

“Yes.”

“...Let’s just go, Jin.” You groan in frustration.

“Okay.”

“You cannot kick me out! Do you know that this is a public space, so I have the right to stay here as long as I like?!”

“...And I have the right to kick you out if you’re causing a disruption.”

While Margaret’s roommate continues to argue with the employee, demanding to see the manager, you and Jin sneak out of the cafe as quick as you can.

You and Jin are out of the cafe, but he still looks bothered by her accusations. You pat him on the shoulder to calm him down. “Hey, don’t worry about what she said. You know the truth, and she can’t take that away from you.”

Hearing you say that, it soothes his anxiety slightly, and sighs in relief. “You’re right...I think I’m worrying for nothing.”

“That’s the spirit!” You smile, showing all of your teeth.

Jin knows that he shouldn’t be worried about things like this, but he can’t help but be worried that you might believe Margaret’s roommate. There’s still that cloud of uncertainty hovering over his head, and he can’t get rid of it.

------

You walk over to the theater hall. Around this time, Jin and his class should be rehearsing for the play. You’re doing a surprise visit since you have some free time, so you haven’t told Jin that you’re coming. You already know that he’s going to freak out, but you think it’d be cute to see his reaction.

In the theater, you see people running around, one person directing others to certain areas, and other people are carrying props around the entire room. They look very busy, but it does make sense if they’re because the play is coming up.

You approach the guy who’s giving directions. “Excuse me? Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Jin?”

“Who?”

“Seokjin? Kim Seokjin?”

“Oh, him. He’s in one of the back rooms to the left.”

“Thanks.”

You didn’t expect it to be so easy. Normally, you’d think that when it comes closer to the date of the play, they wouldn’t allow people in during rehearsals because they’ll be a distraction, but it looks like it doesn’t seem like that. Regardless, you head to the direction that the person pointed you to.

You find the room that you assume that the man is talking about. The room is very dark with the exception of one light source coming from a lamp in the corner of the room. It’s mainly filled with boxes, props, and a rack filled with costumes. In the corner right next to the lamp is Jin, standing in front of a body mirror. While you did hear his voice from the halls, you couldn’t hear him properly initially.

“During the time when I was gone, I kept thinking about what it would’ve been like if I had stayed. Would I have changed like I did now? Or would I remain the same? But after thinking about it for a while...I soon realized that it was better that I…” Jin groans. “No...it sounds too cheesy.”

Jin sighs, messing with his hair, but then is quick to fit it. He clears his throat, getting ready to rehearse the same line again.

“After I left, I thought about changing how I look...you were a stepping stone for me to accept myself and let others accept me. I really appreciated what you did for me, but after we reunited, I think all these feelings resurfaced. I remember that day we spent, and even though it wasn’t even a full day, that was enough for me to determine that I…”

Jin groans again, not satisfied with what he’s saying. He puts his hands to his hips, pacing back and forth. It’s nice looking at Jin working really hard for the play. It’s like a side of him you’ve never seen before.

“Hey Jin.”

Jin jumps, frightened that he didn’t know that you were here. He let out a small yelp, and when he saw look, the colors drain out of his eyes. You’d expect his reaction to be exactly like this, but then he looks like he did not want to see you right now.

His cheeks turn red, feeling so embarrassed that you had to see him. “(Y/N)! H-h-how long were you there??”

“Just got here.”

“D-di...did you hear what I was saying…?”

“Oh, yea I did.”

Jin feels his heart sinking. This is exactly what he didn’t want you to hear, and he has no idea what kind of excuse to make up for this.

“You looked really cool rehearsing your lines, but you looked kind of frustrated while saying them out loud. I think they were fine, but then again, I have zero experience in acting.”

Jin sighs in relief. “O-oh, yea…”

“Are you having trouble memorizing it?”

“No...I’m improvising.”

“Oh! Improvising!” It’s one of the few acting terms that you’re familiar with, so you’re a bit excited to know what it means. “That’s when you come up with lines from the top of your head to follow the theme of the scene, right?”

“Yea.”

“I have time, so I can help you with it.”

“No! Don’t help me!” He raises his voice.

You’re taken aback by his sudden change of tone. Realizing that he scared you with his sudden rejection, he pulls back, crossing his arms and looking away from you.

“I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay...I’m sorry I’m interrupting your practice time.”

Jin feels guilty for raising his voice, so he wants to convince you to stay. “No! Actually, you can help me...but if you do, please don’t misunderstand anything I’m about to say. They’re really embarrassing…”

You’re elated that you can be of help for Jin. “No sweat! But uh...what can I do to help you?”

You have no experience in acting whatsoever, so it might end up being pointless that you’re helping Jin.

“Just you being here is already good enough. You can stand there, and I can rehearse what I want to say,” Jin blushes slightly. “But uhm...please don’t give me feedback. At least, not yet.”

Sounds easy enough for you. Jin stands in front of you, eyes closed. He clears his throat and takes deep breaths, calming his nerves. He levels his head to your eye level, eyes open and focused on what he wants to say.

“I think...out of the billions of things that I can be afraid of, I’m scared of what people will think of me. Something as detailed as a fingertip can really change a person’s perspective of you. Being rejected is the worst feeling possible, and I’ve experienced that so many times. It becomes this consistent predictability that it made me fearful of opening up to other people. But I think...y-you...I mean…”

Jin stumbles with his words, his face turning red. You want to tell him that it’s alright, but you don’t want to break his immersion into his improv.

“‘S-she’...is the first person to ever break that pattern for me. She was unpredictable, and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She truly was different from the others. So...during that period when I was separated from her, I started to admire her. I wanted to be confident like her one day and then show her that I can change. But then...but then...but then…” Jin pauses. “Ah...I can’t do this anymore.”

He’s no longer focused on his improv, and he’s being distracted with whatever is bothering him in his mind. He covers his face, trying to hide his flustered look from you, but that doesn’t do much because you can see his red ears. He isn’t the only one who’s blushing though. Your cheeks are just as red as his. It’s only improv...but it felt so real, as if he’s telling you this with all authenticity.

Assuming that he has to say this to whoever he’s rehearsing his scene with, you feel a little jealous. His partner for this scene is really lucky to be told this, even though it’s only just a play. It might just be you being jealous, but you’re used to Jin behaving so distant from girls and treating you special that it makes you feel envious if there were other girls in his life. You try not to think about it too much, as you convince yourself that you should be a supportive friend for Jin; dating him is out of the picture. He’s too pure to date.

“You were doing great! It almost felt too real, so that means you’re a pretty good actor!”

“Thanks…”

“Uhm...is it okay to ask what this is for?”

“...It’s for one of the biggest challenges I’ll ever face. Even if I rehearse this a dozen times, I don’t know if the end result will be good…”

“What?? Who in the right mind would turn down this?? I think this is amazing!”

Though you try to encourage him, he still looks unsure of himself. Whatever this task is for, it definitely looks like something Jin is really scared about, but he still going to push through with this.

“...We’ll see about it when the time comes.”

“Hey Seokjin, we need you out there in a few minutes.” A man peeks his head into the room.

“Oh okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, (Y/N).”

“Yea, see you.”

Jin waves goodbye to you, and he follows the man to the stage. With nothing else to do, you leave the auditorium for the day.

------

You can’t stop thinking about the lines that Jin said earlier. He said it with so much ease before he stopped—the way his eyes locked onto you, eyebrows creased as if to express how serious he is. Just thinking about what happened is making you blush again. It felt like he was telling you all of that. He said some of the cheesiest lines, but why are you’re okay with that?!

As much as you think about his lines, you can’t forget about the lucky girl he’s going to share those lines with. Jin is handsome, so any girl would fall for him, and whoever Jin likes is super lucky. You can’t help but feel your heart sink just by the thought of that one lucky person. You’re already bothered by the huge number of girls he attracts, hoping that none of him would catch his eye. It’s not like he’s really going to say those lines in real life, but it still hurts knowing that it’s not going to be for you.

While still mesmerized by Jin, you get a text message. Thinking that it might be from Jin, you pick it up hastily, but you’re disappointed to find that it’s from an unknown number. However, that disappoint turns into concern when you read the text message, reading:

Stay away from Kim Seokjin or I’ll come find you.

You’ve dealt with a lot of jealous girls who earn for Jin’s love and attention, but this one is absolutely horrifying. You’ve never received a threat this extreme, and it honestly scares you. But being the naive person you are, you think that you can handle this situation on your own. There’s no reason for you to drag Jin and the police into this.

You reply to the text message by saying, ‘I don’t know who you are, but don’t text me ever again or I’ll call the police’. Of course, you don’t get an immediate reply, but you prefer it that way. Since the other end hasn’t replied, it might’ve just been someone trying to scare you, or even prank you just to get a scare off of you. But...you do wonder how this person got your phone number. You think nothing of it, as you can block this number in the meantime.

On the day of the play, you’re in line to buy tickets to see it. There isn’t a lot of people in line, but there is a handful. The auditorium is hidden in the corner of the campus, so it doesn’t catch the eyes of outsiders. Plus nowadays, people aren’t that interested in plays anymore unless it was made into a feature film or it’s an iconic story.

After buying your ticket and receiving a pamphlet, you enter, finding the place already filled with a few people in the audience. Most of them are parents and students, supporting their friends/family. Though there are some empty spaces, the place isn’t completely drained of life.

You find a seat third row from the front, and you sit down. There aren’t that many people in the front as most of them are hiding in the back seats. The play is about to start in a few minutes, and you keep checking the time. It feels like it’ll take forever for the play to start, but maybe it’s because you’re really anticipating Jin’s role.

You read over the pamphlet, and it’s an original play written by a graduate student who goes here. It gives a little bit of information about the graduate student, explaining that he is pursuing on becoming a screenwriter one day, so he’s practicing through theater. Looking at his picture, he turns out to be the man who was giving you directions to where Jin was at. Who knew that some people you would meet coincidentally would end up doing something as phenomenal as writing an original play.

Jin never told you what the play is about, so reading over a brief summary of it, it’s a story about a lover whose girlfriend has been murdered, so he seeks revenge to find the ones associated with her death. A classic tale. That plot has been rewritten so many times before that you can already guess what kind of ending it’ll have. You roll your eyes at the plot of the play.

You flip through the pages to see if it tells you what Jin’s role in the play is. In the back of the pamphlet, it has a long list of what each student’s role is, and Jin’s role is the dead girlfriend’s little brother. It intrigues you a bit, feeling excited for what Jin has to show for this play.

One little note that you take notice of however, is that Margaret’s name is written on the pamphlet. She was supposed to be playing as the main female lead, but it reads that her ‘understudy’ (you are unfamiliar with that term) is taking over her role. You can’t believe that Jin’s rejection hit her so hard that she even quit her main role as the leading actress. You pay no attention to it though, since the show is about to begin.

------

You stand corrected. You thought this would another one of those boring plays that has been told over and over, but this play is making you sit by the edge of your seat. The playwright paid attention to details that you’ve never thought about yourself. People who looked like background characters later become more prominent and important to move the plot forward, the acting is phenomenal, as if you can’t tell that they’re acting, and the soundtrack works well with the play.

Turns out that there’s more to the story than what the playwright shared in the plot summary. It’s revealed that the boyfriend of the dead girlfriend is a psychotic monster who abuses his girlfriend every day. She finds out that she is pregnant with his child, and with the help of her father, she fakes her death in order to be freed from his chains and raise the child on her own. But with her boyfriend being the psychopath that he is, assumes that someone must’ve murdered her, thus going on a pursuit take revenge on those would ‘aided’ her.

You think it’s interesting how this tale is taken in the eyes of an antagonist’s eyes and interpreted in a way where you think you understand where he’s coming from. If the antagonist is the protagonist, then does that make him the ‘hero’ of the play? But then if that’s so, then what does it mean to be a ‘hero’ if he is the one that enacts on malicious duties? Is he a hero in his own right? You have no idea, but all you want to know is if she’ll survive in the end.

During the scenes when Jin would appear, you would get really excited. You want to cheer for him every time he goes on stage, but you don’t want to come off as rude and ruin the tension on stage. In the last couple scenes, Jin (as the little, overprotective brother of the girlfriend), is having a final showdown with the boyfriend, specifically with swords. You know it’s fake, but you can’t help but cheer for Jin.

“Get out of my way, you pest!” The boyfriend shouts menacingly to Jin.

“You’ve harmed my sister enough, and I can no long stand for it. As her younger brother, and as a man, I will defend her until death.” Jin angles the sword to have it pointed to him, his other hand behind his back.

The boyfriend grunts, running to Jin with the sword pointing at his throat. The sound of the plastic swords clash, making loud impacts with each collision. Dramatic drums and fast-paced violin is in the background to dramatize the scene even more. Your hands are covering your mouth, sitting by the edge of your seat. You want Jin to win—he has to win.

With each swing, you gasp silently, hoping that Jin wouldn’t get injured. Jin dodges each swing swiftly, and so does the boyfriend. Unfortunately in the end, the boyfriend spots an opening, stabbing Jin right in the chest. Jin, looking shocked by the stab, has his eyes wide open, breathing unstable as he realized that he failed to take down that monster. Under your breath, you whisper ‘no’. He can’t die!

Jin falls to the ground, seemingly dead after losing so much (fake) blood. The boyfriend stands over him, takes out the sword from his chest, and cleans it with a nearby cloth. That can’t be it for Jin. Jin’s character deeply cares for his sister, he can’t die that easily. You don’t want him to win, you want Jin to win.

You stand up from your seat. “WAKE UP JIN!!!”

Instead of cheers, you’re immediately told to sit down and shush. Embarrassed by your impulsive behavior, you sit down, face as red as a tomato. You can’t believe you just did that without thinking. You must look like an idiot in front of Jin.

However, your shout doesn’t deter any of the actors on stage. Jin, who is still lying on the floor, struggles to get himself up. A ray of hope shines as the audience sees Jin gets back on his own two feet, picking up his sword. With an angry expression that you’ve never seen on him before, Jin runs to the boyfriend and stabs him in the side by the waist.

Unfortunately, Jin used all of his energy to make that final blow that he finally dies, but he made sure that he died with dignity. He was able to injure the boyfriend, having him fall to the ground as the stab did not hit any fatal organs, but still enough to bring damage.

Though Jin still died in the end, you feel more satisfied with this ending for him. After watching all of his scenes that he was in, you soon realize something about Jin that you’ve never thought about before. You realize that there’s a portion of your life that you have yet to see of Jin. You only remember him to be that middle school boy who everyone made fun of, and you stayed with that memory of him. You forgot that he moved forward with his life and became another person. This is the Jin that has blossomed, and you’re just witnessing it now.

You can feel your tears well up for Jin’s character. His performance was spotless. You felt the passion and love he had for his sister, his determination to protect her from her horrid boyfriend. You can’t stop yourself from crying. Everything his character did ended up with him dead, his last duty trying to defend his sibling.

While you do cry for that, you’re also crying because of this newfound feeling inside of you. It’s overwhelming, and you feel dumb for never noticing it in the first place. You’ve always thought of Jin as this adorable person whom you met in middle school, but now, your perspective of him has definitely changed.

------

In the end, the father and the boyfriend went against each other. Jin was not the boyfriend’s final boss, but actually the father. The final fight wasn’t as impactful as Jin’s, but it may be because you’re being biased. The fight was bloody and emotional, and it ended with the father dying first. The boyfriend received fatal wounds as well, but still has the energy to approach his girlfriend, whom he fought long and hard for.

The girlfriend, whom the audience is seeing for the first time on stage, is terrified to see her boyfriend. Seeing the man who’s she falsely fell in love with kill all of her loved ones, she takes out a dagger from behind her and stabs him right in the chest. The boyfriend dies, and the girlfriend is left all alone, a single spotlight shining on her as she cries, everyone she loved dead. Yet, there is still a chance at life for her, and that is her baby, who rests in her stomach. Not all is lost.

That was a surprisingly depressing play, but still great nevertheless. You’re waiting outside of the auditorium for Jin and the rest of the actors to come out. When they finally do, the audience that has been waiting for them applauds them, and they look so happy to see the applause.

You move through the crowd of people to get to Jin. In the center of the crowd is Jin and the rest of the actors. Jin is still in his costume, and he looks like a prince. His hair is combed up, revealing his entire forehead, and his white suit that resembles the clothes that the wealthy wore in the 17th century. You’re blushing just by seeing him dressed like a real prince, and now you’re starting to feel timid approaching him.

Luckily, Jin did a favor and noticed you first. He runs to you, looking so giddy and dying to know what you thought about the play. “How did you like the play?”

“You bastard!”

Jin freezes, worried that he might’ve done something to upset you.

“How come you never told me you were this good of an actor?! You had me crying during your death!”

“Really? I got really into my role too much that it’s a bit embarrassing.”

“No, you did great! I was really immersed into the story.”

“Thanks,” He smiles timidly. “I heard you cheer for me too.”

Your cheeks turn red. You forgot that you did that, and now you’re feeling embarrassed.

“It was really encouraging...although I wasn’t allowed to break out of character, I was really happy to hear you cheer for me.”

His smile always got you, but now it just makes you too ashamed to even look at him. Why are you feeling this way now? Is it because you’re finally aware of your feelings for him?

“It’s getting late, so I can walk you home.”

“Wait, no! You don’t have to. I can take the bus home and-”

“Let me change out of my clothes. Can you wait for me here?”

And before you can give him an answer, he darts back into the auditorium, presumably to change out of his clothes. You sigh, as you think this is strange of Jin. Normally, he’d let you finish your sentences, but for some reason, he looks like he’s in a rush. Then again, Jin did mention that he had something important to tell you after the play.

While you wait for Jin to finish changing, you see the graduate student who wrote the play. You see him talking to a middle-aged couple who also watched the play. Since you have some time to kill, you might as well give credit to where it’s due.

You approach the graduate student just as the middle-aged couple is leaving. He sees you getting close to him, so he gives you a polite smile. “Good evening!”

“Hi, I watched the play, and I just wanted to say that that was an amazing show. I can’t remember the last time I was so engrossed into a story. I still can’t believe that this is your original work too.”

He chuckles. “Thanks, it’s always been my dream to become a storyteller, so it’s really touching to hear compliments from others. Say...you look familiar. Have we met somewhere?”

You’re surprised that he even recognized you, because you never didn’t anything that memorable. “Oh, I came a couple days ago, asking for Jin.”

“Oh, that’s right! You’re Seokjin’s friend! It was so rare to have someone know him because he’s so quiet. Honestly, if he never auditioned for his role, then I would’ve thought he would go nowhere with how shy he is,” the grad student covers his mouth, as he might’ve insulted Jin. “Oops, please don’t tell him that I said that about him.”

You chuckle. “It’s okay. I won’t tell him.”

“What did you think of his performance?”

“It’s was so cool! I’ve never seen Jin act, so it felt like I was watching Jin seeing him for the first time, like he was a completely different person.”

“He really is, isn’t he? I didn’t think he was all that great in acting, but when he auditioned for the role, he really sets forth his emotions. I knew I had to cast him.”

It’s nice to hear that there are a few people out there who consider Jin not for his looks, but for his skills, too. The graduate student must’ve seen potential in Jin, which is why he let him star as one of the main roles.

That’s when you suddenly remember about Margaret and how she was supposed to be the main female lead. “Oh yea, do you know anything about Margaret Robinson, the person who was supposed to be playing the main female role?”

“Hm? Oh, Margaret? I don’t know, it was really strange. After the gathering, she didn’t show up to rehearsals for a couple of days, then all of a sudden, the school got notified that she’s planning to drop out. I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about it.”

“It’s okay. I was just wondering.”

You’re starting to find it strange. There is no way that Jin’s rejection hurt her to the extent that she drops out of school. What exactly happened to make Margaret leave school all of a sudden? There might’ve been problems she’s been dealing with from behind the scenes, so you don’t know exactly.

After a short conversation with the grad student, Jin runs out the door and towards you. “(Y/N)! I’m finished.”

“Hey, Seokjin. You’re not coming to the after party?”

Jin shakes his head. “No, it’s really late, so I’m going to walk (Y/N) home.”

The grad student looks at you, then at Jin, then back at you again. His finger keeps pointing back and forth between you and Jin as he pieces together everything. However, after contemplating, he finally gets what’s going on.

“Ohhhh, I get it. Well, have fun, Seokjin.” He winks before returning to the auditorium.

Although you don’t exactly know what that wink is supposed to mean, Jin looks embarrassed by it. “What did you two talk about?”

You do want to tell him that you were both talking about him, but you promised him that you would keep it a secret. “Oh, we were just talking about the play. I wanted to tell him that his play was freakin’ amazing.”

You really need to start finding synonyms for ‘amazing’, but with your lack of knowledge in the English language, that’s all you can really describe the play. Jin smiles, looking a bit relieved that you weren’t considering the grad student as ‘something else’.

“Again, you really don’t have to walk back to my apartment with me. I’m a lot tougher than you think.”

“I know, but it’s not right for me to let you walk alone.”

It looks like Jin is sticking with his plan no matter what you say. Besides, he did mention that he had something to tell you, so you really are curious with what he has to say.

------

You two made it to your apartment complex with no trouble. During your walk to your apartment, there weren’t that many people out late at night, only an occasional car driving past you two. There was hardly a word exchanged, but it felt very reminiscent of that field trip when you first approached Jin. It felt like it was just yesterday when you first spoke to Jin, despite it being five years since that time. During that gap, Jin has definitely changed, but there is no problem learning about the Jin who is walking next to you right now.

You stop at the entrance of your apartment complex. “Well...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yea.”

You don’t want Jin to leave because the night felt so short. You wish you two went out to do something afterwards, but it’s late, and you both have class tomorrow. Though Jin told you that he had something to tell you, he has yet to even bring it up.

“Hey Jin…”

“Yes?”

“Didn’t you say that you had something important to tell me?”

“...I did.”

If he has something to tell you, then why isn’t he saying it?

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m ready to tell you yet. I guess even after preparing for it, I still can’t do it.” Jin stares blankly, thinking about what he wants to tell you, but he gives you a defeated smile.

“Oh…” It’s sad to hear that because you really did want to hear what Jin has to say. “Okay then...good night. You were really great during your performance.”

“Thanks.”

Jin gives one last smile, then he turns around, walking away with his back turned to you. You wait there, hoping that he’d say something, but he’s not turning around. You keep waiting, but he just keeps getting further and further away from you.

However, Jin stops walking, turning his head to look at you. He watches as you get closer to the entrance of your complex. Seeing your back, he’s reminded of his last farewell to you after the trip to the aquarium. He remembers that smile you had on your face while you waved your hand goodbye. He remembers the time when you gave him that sea otter keychain, and he cried. There was still that one last message he wanted to tell you—the one he was too scared to tell you.

He turns the direction of his feet to you, running back to finish where he left off. You hear his fast footsteps approaching you. He stops right in front of you, breathing really heavily.

“Jin?? Are you okay, did you forget something??”

Jin lifts his upper body, having it positioned straight. Even though it’s dark, the light coming from the apartment complex’s lobby through the glass doors help you visualize Jin’s extremely red face.

“Thank you, (Y/N)!”

“Wh-what?”

“I was always scared about what people thought of me, so it made it hard for me to come out of my shell. When you approached me back in middle school, the day before I had to move away, you gave me hope that I can become more confident in myself—that there are people who can come to like me regardless of how I look.”

You’re happy and all that Jin is telling you this, but he’s speaking too fast for you to understand he’s talking about. “Wa-wait!”

“That’s why in high school, I started pursuing acting, so that I can become more relaxed about myself. But...I still can’t seem to find that confidence in myself just yet…” He pauses briefly. “But I feel like I should say this as the first right step to start.”

Jin takes in a deep breath, then exhales loudly.

“I really, really like you.”

...What? Did you hear that correctly? Did he just...tell you...that he likes you? You’re trying to process this through your brain, but even your brain is malfunctioning after hearing what Jin just said. You crouch over, hiding your face as best you can from him.

You don’t even dare to look at Jin’s face. You’re just too rattled by his sudden confession. Thinking that Jin might’ve made you feel uncomfortable, he retracts from what he said, regretting every single word that came out of his mouth.

“Oh no...I’m really sorry...I wasn’t thinking.”

“I-i-it’s okay. I just...wasn’t ready for that.” You can hear your own voice trembling, which doesn’t make the situation any better.

Jin leans down to get a good look of your face, but you keep trying to avoid eye contact. You don’t want him to see how bashful you are right now.

“(Y/N), can you look at me?”

“No! I look really ugly…”

Jin keeps trying to get a good look of your face. He slowly cups your cheek with the palm of his hand, not quite yet comfortable enough to touch you. He raises your face, and he sees how flustered you look. You can’t keep eye contact with him long enough, since you feel really pathetic. But to him, he’s gazing at the most beautiful girl in the world.

“There’s nothing ugly about your face,” Jin lightens the mood by letting out a soft chuckle, making you feel a little bit more at ease.

Jin was scared that you would reject him, but he was more scared about the fact that he may not get another chance to confess. Besides, with the look on your face and how you weren’t quick to rejecting him, Jin sees a glimmer of hope that maybe—just maybe—he and you can be together.

“I’m not asking for you to give me a reply immediately, I just wanted to tell you how I really feel.”

With his hand still cupped to your cheek, he leans down to your face. Preparing for an embrace, you squeeze your eyes shut and hold in your breath. He gives you a gentle peck on the cheek, then pulls himself back. You open your eyes, surprised that he did that. Instead of looking as embarrassed as you, Jin looks so sure of himself, as if nothing in this world scares him anymore.

“Even if you don’t feel the same as I do, I’ll still be there for you,” Jin’s lips perks up. “See you tomorrow.”

He pulls his hand away from your cheek, then finally walks off. You keep staring at Jin, who doesn’t look back, until he’s completely gone. Once he’s out of your sight, You crouch down to a fetal position, covering your face. You’ve never felt so humiliated in your entire life. While he was saying all of that, your mind was like TV static. You couldn’t think straight. The words weren’t coming out right, and you look just looked like a completely idiot.

You do like Jin, but his confession was just so sudden that you weren’t even thinking about reciprocating his feelings. You could always text or call him about your response, but you prefer telling him in person. Besides, you don’t want to be too hasty and confess to him all of a sudden; you want to give it time to compose yourself and tell him everything from the beginning.

For now, you think that it’s better if you go to bed and think about it more tomorrow. It’s getting late and you’re blocking the front entrance, so you don’t want people to think that you’re weird just crouching in front of the door. While you enter your complex, a figure hides behind a tree, stalking you late in the night.

------

You can’t sleep at all. You keep tossing and turning, thinking about what Jin said to you. His confession keeps repeating in your head over and over again. You try to brush it off by counting sheep, but somehow, Jin’s confession keeps coming back. You cover both of your ears with the ends of your pillow, trying to shut out Jin’s voice. Your chest keeps thumping, and it has no plans of calming down.

Your brain isn’t letting you go to sleep, so you sit up, giving up on sleeping. You mess with your hair, groaning to yourself frustratingly for not being able to sleep. You have an early morning class tomorrow, and you know that if you don’t go to sleep, you’re going to be tired the next morning. You decide that for now, you’ll go on your phone and kill some time until you get tired.

Just as you turn on your phone, you hear something rustle in your living room. It sounded like something bumped into a table or the wall. You’re alerted by this immediately, but you reassure yourself that it might be the neighbors making a ruckus. But since you’re still feeling paranoid, you pull your blanket up, covering your entire body except for your head for air circulation.

However, the noises don’t stop there. You can hear the sound of your pots and pans clattering, hitting against each other. It has to be the wind...right? You keep telling yourself that it’s just your head that’s playing tricks with you, but at the same time, what if there’s a ghost in your apartment? You shake your head, trying to get that thought out of your head as you hide your head under your blanket. You tell yourself that you’re just dreaming and that all of this is happening in your head.

You can hear footsteps in the hallway. With each slow, menacing step, you hear your wooden floorboards creak. You cover your ears, absolutely terrified with what you’re hearing. You don’t know whether or not this is real at this point anymore, but all you know is that you want this to end. You don’t know whether you should call the police or not, but all you know is that you’re frozen with fear.

Suddenly, through your thin layer of blanket, you see your hallway light turn on, and your heart drops when it’s followed by a shadow blocking your door. Though you’re petrified, you gather whatever courage you have left to peek at what’s by your door. You see a silhouette of a woman, standing by the door. When you trace her figure from head to toe, you notice the shape of a knife in her hand. Alarmed by this, you sit straight up.

“I told you to stay away from Jin.”

Without warning, the woman lunges towards you, the tip of the blade pointing right at your face. While getting onto your bed, her foot presses down on your ankle, pushing down all of her weight onto your foot. You cringe in pain, letting out a quick yelp when you hear the sound of your ankle popping.

Despite the injury to your foot, you’re able to remain focused enough to prevent the blade from stabbing you right in the throat by grabbing her by the wrist and holding down her other wrist. She puts as much strength as she can on the arm with the knife, and you try to fight back, pushing the knife away from your chest. The weight of her body still sits on your ankle, and you bite your bottom lip, trying your best to contain the pain.

You find an opening in her abdomen, so you lift your working leg up to kick her right in the stomach, causing her to fall off your bed. While writhing on the floor and vomiting saliva, you jump off of your bed and head straight out of your room to call for help. But then when you put pressure on your injured ankle, you nearly lose balance, so you put your hand to the wall to help stand.

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!” You scream at the top of your lungs.

But even before you can get out of your bedroom, the woman grabs you by the ankle, causing you to trip face first. You look behind, and you get a glance of the woman’s face. She stares directly at you with dead eyes, and from those eyes, you can tell that she does not intend on leaving until you’re dead.

From that brief eye contact, you recognize her. She’s the same woman from the cafe that day, when you and Jin met for the first time in years. She is the same woman who got close to Jin and took that photo of him. You remember getting into an argument with her afterwards, but that was it.

Instinctively, you kick her in the face, whimpering as you continue to scream for help. You get back on your feet, making sure that this time, you don’t apply too much pressure onto your injured ankle. You limb to the front door, seeing as it is unlocked, most likely from the woman who broke into your home.

Unfortunately, the woman catches up to you, grabs you by the ends of your hair, then kicks you on the back of your knees to make you fall down. You land on your back, and the woman tugs on your hair as she drags you across the living room. You continue to scream, kicking your legs everywhere for a chance at freedom. Your hands are scratching the woman’s wrist that pulls on your hair, but she seems unphased by it, even to the point where her wrists are bleeding from all the scratching.

“I don’t understand what Jin sees in you. I love him so much, but he doesn’t love me back. Instead, he goes for someone who doesn’t care about him,” she mutters to herself. “You were never there for him, but I was, and yet he chose you. I made sure that he would have a life with no worries and just be with me, but you’re ruining it.”

As you continue to flail and scream for help, the woman continues to drag you to the kitchen, her eyes locked onto the knife block. She reaches over to get the largest knife you have, and when you see your own reflection on the blade of the knife, you scream in horror as you knew that you were going to die. You pull on your hair as much as you can, not caring if locks of hair gets ripped off of your scalp. All you care about right now is surviving.

Luckily, your cries are heard, and your neighbor enters through your front door. Seeing you on the floor and the woman with the knife in hand, he tackles her down. The woman tries to fight him off, but he’s too big for her to push off. Letting go of your hair, you crawl away from her, sobbing uncontrollably, since for a brief moment, you thought you were going to die. Another woman appears from the side of the entrance door, shocked to see the scene.

The woman sees you on the floor, so she runs to you with a look of concern. “Oh my goodness, are you okay??”

“Call the police!” The man shouts at the woman next to you, presumably his wife.

The woman nods, so she helps you up on one leg, but even with your working leg, you’re shaking violently, still shaken by what just happened. She supports you by putting your arm around the back of her neck, taking you out of your apartment while she calls the police.

------

After the incident, you are taken to the hospital. Your ankle has become disjointed, so the doctor had to put a cast on it. Your parents were notified of this immediately, and they came to stay with you in the hospital.

Since the incident was so traumatic for you, you’ve been having nightmares, dreaming about the woman appearing and slitting your throat. You would wake up during the middle of the night, screaming in a cold sweat as your parents try to calm you down. This goes on continuously for days and nights, a never ending cycle of you scared to fall asleep because she might appear in your dreams again.

You heard from the news that the woman is also responsible for the kidnapping of Margaret Robinson. She was kidnapped on the night during the theatre gathering after she left on her own. Thankfully, she is still alive, but she was locked in the woman’s basement for the entire time she’s been missing. As of right now, Margaret’s current state is unknown, as that information is confidential, and her parents refuse to go on television.

After a long period of time, your mental state has exponentially improved—enough that the investigators can finally interview you about the night. They visit you in the hospital, where you give them all the details about what happened.

In exchange, they give you some information about the woman. Her name is Sophia Thy, and she was a former classmate of Jin back in high school. She was always excluded by her peers, always called a creeper, and Jin, feeling bad for her and was a new student at the time, became her friend. However, Sophia’s feelings developed for him in a toxic manner to where she became obsessed with him. She started stalking him, and it got so bad that during college, Jin had to transfer to a new university, henceforth, why he transferred to your school. Somehow, she got ahold of his information and followed him here.

After a couple of hours of talking, the investigators close their notebooks, clicking the end of their pen. “Okay, thank you very much, Miss (Y/N) for telling us what you know.” The chief detective tells you while standing up from his chair.

“Wait…”

“Yes? Is there something you would like to tell us?”

“...The woman, when she broke into my apartment, she...she mentioned something about Jin. Is he alright? He’s not hurt, is he?”

“Ma’am, I can assure you that Mr. Kim is alright too. Right now, you shouldn’t be worrying about others and make sure that you get better. Have a good evening.”

The two detectives leave your hospital room, and your parents run back inside. Your mother holds your hand, worried sick about you.

“Are you okay? Did they make you remember anything you didn’t want to remember? They weren’t too rough on you, right?”

“Mom, they were really nice. I’m okay, don’t worry,” You smile reassuringly. “Stop worrying. If you keep making that face, you’ll get more wrinkles you know.”

They’re glad that you’re back to joking around with them again, but they still can’t bring themselves to know that you’re 100% okay.

You haven’t seen Jin ever since that night. He hasn’t contacted you either, not through texting or in person. You’re very worried for him, as you learn that the woman is obsessed with him. He hasn’t even visited you once since you’ve been admitted to the hospital. As sad as you are that he hasn’t visited you, you still try to push on, hoping that the next day, he would come to see you.

------

But those days turned into weeks, and those weeks turned into a month, and not a single sign of Jin. You start to wonder if Jin will ever come to see you, and your hopes of seeing him starts to dwindle. You text him, asking if he’s alright, but he never replies. Some nights, you cry to yourself because you fear that Jin has abandoned you—that he is once again gone from you.

The doctor has finally discharged you, saying that you’re mental health is back to normal, but you have to wear the cast for a couple more weeks to ensure that your ankle will heal properly. In that whole month while in the hospital, Jin has not once dropped by. By this point, you have no idea where Jin is and what he’s doing, but you try not to worry about it too much.

Although you are okay now, the doctor recommends that you still take a few more days off from school and temporarily stay away from your apartment. Staying there might cause you to remember the events that took place, thus returning you to a unstabilized mental state. They recommend that you stay with your parents for the time being, maybe for a couple of weeks. Even though Jin hasn’t been in contact with you, you decide to text him anyway that you plan on returning back to your hometown with your parents for a while.

------

You’re sitting in the back of your father’s car, parked in front of your apartment as your parents pack a few of your things. Next to you are your crutches, and you keep staring out through the front of the car window. You feel so lifeless, leaning your head against the window and having your parents doing all the packing. Even though you texted Jin a few days ago, he still hasn’t replied. You lost hope in that Jin will text you.

But that hope resurfaces when you hear your text tone ring. You look down and is surprised to see that Jin has sent a text to you. He sent you two text messages, one saying ‘come meet me here’, followed by a location. You look around to see if your parents are outside, and when the coast is clear, you sneak out of your father’s car and follow the location Jin sent to you.

------

The meeting location is at a long, arched bridge, and under it is a shallow river. Right at the peak of the concrete bridge is Jin who is leaning on the rails looking like he’s lost in his thoughts. You make your way to him slowly because of your cast and the crutches slowing you down.

When you get close enough to Jin, he doesn’t dare look at you, but he knows that you’re here. “It’s...been a while.”

You don’t say anything. You don’t even know what to say to him.

“I hope...your leg is getting better.”

“Yea, the doctor said that I have a few more weeks until I can finally take off the cast.”

“I see…”

During that midst of silence, neither of you say a single word. You continue to stare at Jin, who’s still avoiding eye contact.

“I think the detectives already told you, but...the hearing is going to happen in a month. I heard that you’re going to testify on the first day.”

“I am.”

Your lawyer told you that Jin will be testifying during the second hearing, so you don’t bother asking.

“...Also, I read your text. You’ll be returning home af-”

“Why didn’t you visit me in the hospital?” You cut the conversation abruptly, dying to hear Jin’s answer.

Jin doesn’t answer immediately , and he still refuses to look at you.

“That month was fucking horrible. I was so scared that she would escape from jail and come after me. I had a policeman by my door just in case, but I was still fucking scared. I couldn’t even sleep. I made it a living hell for my parents, too. All I did was cry and scream, and...do you know how many times I cried for you?”

You weren’t intending to get upset at him. You know that Jin is going through his own struggles, but you just couldn’t hold it in anymore. You kept your anger in all this time, and you’re releasing all of it on Jin. You’re not directly mad at him, but you’re just mad at this whole entire situation you’ve been put in.

“If you had just visited me once—just once—then I think I would’ve been fine! But you never did. You left me alone in that room. I thought you wanted to forget about me, like you wanted to have nothing to do with me. You left me to make my own conclusions. And moments before I’m about to leave, you finally decide to show yourself in front of me??”

With each word coming out of your mouth, your emotions only becomes stronger. You don’t mean let go of all of your anger on him, but you can’t stop. And it only gets worst because Jin isn’t even answering you.

“Why aren’t you talking?! Talk to me! Isn’t that why you made me trench all the fucking way here?? WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER VISIT ME IN THE HOSPITAL?!”

“Do you really think I haven’t thought about seeing you?!” Jin finally lashes out.

His sudden uproar throws you back. You’ve never heard Jin get angry before, and now you’re quiet.

“I came to see you every chance I got...but I never had the courage to walk through that door. When I first saw you lying in your bed with that cast on, looking so, so miserable, it just made me hate myself. I felt so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t protect you, so I had no rights to see you. Every time I saw you through the window, I always tell myself, ‘I could’ve protected her’, ‘I shouldn’t have invited her that night’, ‘I could’ve stayed behind’.”

You listen to him, no longer angry at him after hearing his side. “Jin...I-”

“I was scared that in my new school, everyone would treat me like how they did in middle school, so I changed my looks. I did everything in the books to make myself look decent. After I changed, everyone started talking to me, pretending to like me because I look handsome—not like the monster I did in middle school. But, I hated the way they looked at me. It was so easy to cake my face for people to approach me. I wanted to throw up. So...when I heard about Sophia and how everyone pushed her away because of stupid rumors, I saw myself in her. I wanted to be like you...like that day when you approached me.”

Jin looks like he wants to cry, and you do as well. It hurts to know that all Jin wanted to do was be a nice human being, only for it to turn back on him.

“But...I should’ve listened to the rumors. I felt so dumb getting stuck in that situation that I didn’t tell anyone about it. I’m a man, right? Shouldn’t I have the power to stop a small woman like Sophia? I didn’t, because I’m a spineless wimp.”

So Jin was inspired by you so that no one else would have to go through the same thing he went through. He had all the good intentions in his soul, but when it went too far, he didn’t know what to do. He felt like he had no one else to rely on.

“So, when I transferred here, I thought I’d forget about what happened in the past and start over. I wanted to show you how much I changed...because I knew that you still saw me as this bullied victim who can’t do anything.”

That pierced you right in the heart. It hurts, because it’s true.

“I wanted you to see how ‘courageous’ I am on stage—how I can also be that confident man that every girl dreams of having. But looking back now, I’m so embarrassed I even did that. The person you saw on stage wasn’t me...it was a figment of my imagination. I can never become that knight in shining armor. In the end, that was only a play, and this is the real world,” Jin sighs, and you can hear that slight shakiness in his voice. “You wanted to know why I made you come here, right? I just wanted to tell you that...I’m sorry. I’m sorry that someone as pathetic as me fell in love with you.”

Suddenly, a gust of wind blows, causing Jin’s hair to become a mess. He grunts in frustration, since he spent hours to make every strand of hair perfect. He takes out his hand mirror from his pocket and tries to fix every lock of hair. You glare at his hand mirror, the source of all his troubles. You limp towards him and take the hand mirror right out of his hand, throwing him off-guard.

“What are you…?”

You fling the mirror into the river. He looks mortified, unable to believe that you just did that. He panics, feeling that desperate need to fix his hair. He’s scared that if he doesn’t keep himself in check, then it’ll be just like middle school again. People will call him ugly again, exclude him, demasculinize him, everything all over again.

His eyes don’t leave the mirror that’s in the river, so he is about to run after it. However, you grab him by the hand, stopping him for getting his mirror. He tries to pull you off of him, but you won’t let go.

“What are you doing?!”

“Stopping you!”

“Let me go! You don’t understand, I need it. If I don’t, then...people will think I’m ugly again.”

I’m ugly. I’m hideous. My face is so ugly that it makes people want to look the opposite direction. I’m so ugly that people are scared to touch me because they’re scared they’ll become ugly too. I told myself that I can be beautiful, hide all of this ugliness within me.

But can I truly?

Jin is pulling harder, and with your cast, it makes it difficult more you to grasp onto him. You use your other arm to hold onto the railing of the bridge. Seeing him desperate to get his mirror, you can’t help but tear up. Jin lied to you. High school wasn’t great. People weren’t treating him nicer. He struggled as much as he did in middle school. There is no difference between avoiding him because he’s ugly and approaching him because he’s handsome; that still meant that they judged him by his face.

“I like you, Jin!” You exclaim.

Hearing those words come out of your mouth, Jin stops struggling. You start to sob, but you still try to remain strong.

“Yes, it is true that I first started talking to you because I pitied you. But I don’t regret it. Because if I hadn’t, then I would’ve never come to know you. I wouldn’t have met you in college again, and I would’ve never liked you.”

With Jin no longer pulling his arm from you, you wrap your arms around his sleeve as you continue to cry.

“Jin...I never once thought that you were pathetic. Forget everyone who once called you ugly, judged you for looking handsome, or even told you that you have to be strong just because you’re a ‘man’. You don’t have to become a perfect person to make everyone happy, but just be yourself to make those who really do care about you happy.”

“What? But I...can’t…”

“The person I saw on stage that night is you, Jin. That actor I saw on stage, protecting his sister from danger is you, and don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t. To me, you’re already strong.”

You continue to sob on his sleeve, guilty that all these years, Jin was hurting, but he tried his best to remain strong to make sure that you were happy. He didn’t want to bother you with his troubles, which is why he kept so quiet about it. Jin never truly healed from the bullying; he just merely hid it from the public.

Jin also starts to cry, unable to keep it in himself anymore. “...It’s not possible. There’s no way you really like me because I’m nothing but trouble…”

“Even if you don’t believe me now, then I’ll make you believe me. I don’t care if it takes years for you to believe me, but I will make sure that in the end, you will.”

“You’re still willing to like me? Even though I’m a pathetic human?”

You can’t help but chuckle, but at the same time, still cry. “What is it about you that’s pathetic? In my eyes, I don’t see a pathetic person, but a flawed, yet beautiful person.”

------

Epilogue

You’re waiting for Jin outside of his rehearsal room. It’s been a few minutes since you got here, and there’s no sign of his class being released. You keep checking the time on your phone, and it feels like time is moving really slow.

Finally, the professor lets them out, and a whole crowd of students walk out. You tiptoe, looking over everyone’s heads to look for Jin. Jin is one of the last few people coming out of the room, and you’re delighted to see him. You walk to him, and when he notices you, his face lights up.

“Oh hey, (Y/N)!”

“How was rehearsals today?”

“Tiring...I’ve been practicing to get the main role, but I don’t think I’ll get it.”

“Hey, have some confidence in yourself! Who knows, maybe you will get it.”

“You’re just saying that because you haven’t seen me rehearse the scene.”

“Then show me, and I’ll judge you. You know, I’m starting to learn more about acting because I keep spending too much time with you, so now I’m a reliable source to get advice from.” You say cheekily.

Jin laughs. “How have you been since moving back to your apartment? You haven’t been getting nightmares, have you?”

You shake your head. “I think I’m finally getting used to it again. All I have to do is think about you, and then I feel better!”

The two of you giggle, though you both found that phrase cheesy.

Jin suddenly remembers something after your brief talk with him. He rummages through his backpack, looking for something.

“I almost forgot.”

“Forgot about what?”

“Today is the anniversary of our first date in the aquarium, back in middle school.”

You blush slightly. “Now you’re calling it a date? We didn’t know each other before! And why do you even remember the specific date?”

“To me it was considered a date. Anyways, I have something to return to you.”

Jin takes out something you haven’t seen in years. It’s the sea otter keychain that you gave to him. You even almost forgot that you gave that to him. It’s a bit old, and the colors are fading, but it still looks like it’s in good condition.

“Wait, why are you giving this back to me? Didn’t I give it to you in the first place?”

“Remember what you told me when you gave this to me?”

“No, what did I say?”

“You gave this to me as a good luck charm when I transfer to my new school.”

“Geez, I said that? Talk about being so overly dramatic…”

Although you’re not fond of those words, to Jin, it held a special place in his heart. “I kept it with me all these years because it reminded me of you and that the time we spent together wasn’t a dream—that you weren’t a dream. But I don’t need it anymore.”

Jin puts it in the palm of your hands, leaning forward and giving you a long, sentimental kiss, not caring if others saw you two together. When he pulls back, your cheeks are blushing, but he looks genuinely happy to have kissed you. He kept it because it was the only thing he had of you after he moved, but he doesn’t need it anymore. He has everything he’s ever wanted of you right in front of him.

The End

A/N: Thank you for reading this till the very end! This one was very difficult for me to write, so I hope I really conveyed the message well enough for the readers. If you have anything to tell me, negative or positive, come and message me!

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