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#camp doesnt look like a real word anymore
syinqbudz · 1 year
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surprise! its not moral orel.
anyways i am very hyped for the new episode. shoutout to camp camp for being my longest lasting hyperfixation
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suffarustuffaru · 6 months
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why the emilia camp thinks otto is their most threatening member 👍
i see some people being confused on why the emilia camp collectively seems to agree that otto is the biggest threat there for some reason and like. yeah. i get it.
but let me explain real quick why i think it makes sense for the emilia camp to think that :O !!
otto though is disarming because. well okay look at him he doesnt look threatening at all. he has the looks and personality of a wet cat. hes whiny. hes cringe fail. he gets stressed out with paperwork. he looks like you could just smack him around like a bug. he HAS been smacked around like a bug. but that makes him unpredictable because apart from roswaal, he is the Most Amoral one there. you can expect roswaal to be trying some shit, but youd never know when to expect otto is planning something. his moral compass is just “does this benefit me or my loved ones in some way? if not, then its gonna be gone 🥺”.
sure, he does nice things sometimes out of the goodness of his heart. he genuinely means well a lot of the time.
but also then you read the shit hes thinking in his internal dialogue and its like.
“should i go save some girl i dont even know from bandits??? hmm lemme think for a couple minutes. im the only one that can help rn… some guy claiming to be her dad is begging me to help his daughter, but also hes kind of annoying… but i dont even live in this city so why should i help… or Care. actually. but i feel kinda bad about this girl… but also this is gonna put me and my profits in danger… but if i reject helping then im forever gonna be known as the guy who abandoned them and then i wont be able to make any sales in this city anymore :<<<< ……anyway im gonna help them then lol im so smart.” and then he gets captured by the exact same bandits anyway so hes like “well okay now me and this girl might be sold into slavery so i might as well save both of us or ill feel bad ☝️☝️”
(yes. yes this is genuinely ottos thought process if you read through the Otto's Bittersweet Peddling Log side story.)
except all the back and forth Calculation he does in his head Stays In His Head and doesnt match up with his outward appearance most of the time. which means that sometimes his words dont match up with his actions. “dont be surprised if i leave at the first sign of danger,” he says, right after risking his life and writing a suicide note over a dude hes known for like four days. “ahah thanks for giving me a vacation to see my family…” he says, damn well knowing he cant go back home yet otherwise he’ll get sniped by assassins. “im gonna give you some of my own money bounty money to help you BUT BUT BUT DONT THINK THAT IM NICE OR ANYTHING I NEED MOST OF THE MONEY FOR REPAIRS OK YOU CAN ONLY HAVE A BIT :<<<“
this also means that whenever otto says or does something Particularly Questionable, all his friends are still kinda blindsided by it because otherwise otto seems Mostly Fine in comparison to whatever the hell everyone else has going on. hes just a wet pathetic cat of a guy ahah. theres nothing more going on with h—
“if everyone in vollachia dies but rem and natsuki-san live, then we’ve won. if everyone in vollachia lives but rem and natsuki-san die, then we’ve lost.”
um otto can you repeat that. what the fuck did you just say.
otto looks Mostly Normal, Just Stressed Out or Somewhat Chilling the vast majority of the time, and then he whacks you over the head with a steel chair. like can you imagine being garfiel and learning that this pathetic rag of a man is actually pretty brave when it counts. youre like “oh cool lol we kinda beat each others asses and i was Annoyed but now that thats all over i got some newfound respect for you!!” and then you read through his diary and hes got a suicide note in there, which is like. okay fine whatever hes kind of a clown just like my New Captain lol but hes dedicated to his friends, ill give him that. and then a year later you find your now brother figure (whos also lowkey highkey an alcoholic) with a broken hand after punching a wall because he couldnt do his Lets Abandon 50 Million People Plan and youre just sitting there going
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and okay dont get me wrong—subaru is Batshit Crazy. in Multiple Incomprehensible Ways. if the emilia camp (or Anyone. At All.) knew about all the shit hes done and been through with rbd, subaru would INSTANTLY be skyrocketing up the Most Threatening People list. but at the same time subarus less threatening than otto in the sense that subarus Always going to want to do good. hes Always going to want to save everyone. hes Extremely forgiving, on top of that. he goes along picking up friends everywhere he goes in his own Incomprehensible Unhinged Way and hes fond of All of them.
otto? yeah his opinion of you could shift on a dime and you could end up in his personal shit list unless youre one of the *checks list* *clears throat* maybe like ten people he cares about. and even if youre on the I Care About You! :) list, he could still get pissed enough at you to, i dont know, punch a wall over you? and spiral into obsession? and even if hes not upset at you hes still gonna mansplain manipulate malewife his way to his goals <33
and yeah of course subaru is also Mansplain Manipulate and Gaslight Gatekeep but at least he has way more good intentions AND his attitude about it is gonna be like "sorry :<<< i just gotta do this for your sake :<<<<<< :((( haha dont worry about it". subaru would never ever want to do anything big to hurt his loved ones (except for rbd). while otto doesnt even bat an eye. everyone can be manipulated if he has to. he goes down his list of Things I Need To Do and goes "yeah that had to be done. oh well. anyway i got more shit to do (like maybe kill a toddler lol)"
also lets talk about roswaal's perspective really quick. post-arc 4 hes like "well subaru-kun is always gonna want to save everyone and hes doing a pretty good job of things in general so whatever lol. i can still keep him in check by killing everyone if even one of his friends dies :)". so its like. YEAH subarus an Unhinged Wildcard. roswaal knows that. but right now subaru is more predictable and also again, roswaal knows he can keep subaru in check by making subaru have to reset if roswaal really needs to.
but otto? yeah ottos second in line for being an Unhinged Wildcard. but whats even worse is that otto is Basically Subaru but More Calculating and with a moral backbone thats Near Nonexistent. roswaal was genuinely concerned for otto in arc 8 for once and there was still Literally No Stopping Otto from being a stubborn little shit whos hell bent on all the maladjusted insane mentalities hes got floating around in his head, half of which he doesnt even say out loud, and all of which he thinks is Completely Right and that theres Nothing Wrong with what hes doing.
and also otto being underestimated and Not In The Tome was a big help as to how subaru got the win over roswaal in arc 4 👍and then otto Continues to try keeping an eye on roswaal after arc 4, to the point of getting roswaal's tome and actively trying to investigate roswaal's actions, so roswaal is Very Aware that otto is. a bit of a threat. roswaal of course is smarter and more powerful than otto though, but that still doesnt change the fact that otto is still capable of being a threat if roswaal doesnt Also kind of keep an eye on otto back. because roswaal kind of lost to otto already in arc 4!!
but okay, on top of all of this, no one knows the full extent of whats going on with otto, not even roswaal (though he has his Suspicions), and most definitely not subaru yet (whos Still a bit of an otto apologist anyway), and otto is already a bit menacing even without knowing All of that. and the rest of the emilia camp are already a bit more lenient with roswaal (as hes seemingly chilled out after arc 4 + they all need him still). that, and you can easily Expect roswaal post-arc 4 to be suspicious and Probably up to something. you wont know what it is, but you wont Exactly be surprised when it happens.
and also roswaal isnt publicly batshit crazy like otto is. otto of course isnt as Openly Weird as subaru, but otto is still Openly Unhinged and Pathetic. just look at him declaring julius and anastasia, HIS CAMP'S ALLIES, as enemies right to their faces alsdfjlsdjfl.
and with subaru, there is Zero doubt in the emilia camp's minds that subaru wants the best for them and everyone around them.
otto though? yeah he also wants whats best for the camp. he Cares about them, he really does. but hes so obviously Questionable by the time you get to arc 8 to the point where the entire rest of the camp starts eyeing him like this:
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theres also the fact that ottos dp allows him to have eyes and ears Everywhere so long as he doesnt overuse it. that paired with his Intelligence, Stubbornness, and Lack of Morals or self-awareness/sometimes guilt/regret over his actions is dangerous. theres a reason why gluttony if subaru decided to flood The Entire Surrounding Area Around Otto. the flood took away the potential army otto couldve made out of the animals and allies otto had in the city, and once you do that, whats otto going to do against someone like shaula? all of ottos power regarding his People Skills and Animal DP was stripped away.
but if that Isnt stripped away... well honestly otto can do whatever the hell he wants the moment he figures out a solid plan to try and get what he wants. his biggest ability at the core of what makes him dangerous is his ability to quite Literally be in the background. so long as hes underestimated, so long as he still has secrets, no ones gonna know the full extent of his bullshit!! you cant stop him if you dont even realize what hes going to do, and hes Good at doing that!!
and if gluttonybaru hadnt taken out otto, subaru would be skyrocketing right to the top of ottos shit list after subaru literally just killed All of ottos (and previously subarus.) loved ones. otto wouldnt stop until he figured out how to destroy subaru. its to the point where im pretty sure if otto had to choose between destroying half the world vs kill gluttonybaru once and for all, otto would certainly choose one of those options in a Heartbeat.
anyway. if youre an emilia camp member, and you see the dude whos in charge of the Vast Majority of the factions political affairs, the guy who you Know is very intelligent and competent and determined when it counts, say shit like "if everyone dies in this entire country i wouldnt even give a single flying fuck as long as our friends get back safe and sound :) it would be such a loss if the entire country lived but our friends didnt :<<<" OF COURSE I WOULD BE LIKE YEAH THAT GUY IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ONE HERE. HE HAS THE SKILLS AND THE MOTIVATION TO BACK UP THAT STATEMENT AND I WONT EVEN KNOW WHEN ITD HAPPEN. he also has the Mental Instability to back that up too, given the amount of times he spends drinking and Raging and Being Terribly Anxious over Every Little Thing.
youll be sweating buckets being wary of otto while ottos casually standing there with his wet cat looks and a knife in your back.
and otto has, for the most part, some of the most normal trauma compared to a bunch of people in this cast (not to discount ottos trauma and pain or anything but its true lajdsfls sorry otto. but also im not sorry because arc 5 was partially on you T^T). he doesnt have rbd, he doesnt have some weird family drama bullshit going on like the astreas or emilias family or the segmunts, he hasnt been erased by gluttony, etc etc. but hes still like this. if you put him in subarus position and gave him rbd, he would get even worse than he already is.
yeah so anyway thats my quick rambley psa about why i think it makes sense that the emilia camp's voted otto as the most threatening one there 👍
but the fact that we (the audience) (or at least some of us!!) keep questioning why the hell the emilia camp thinks otto is the biggest threat there is means that otto's funny silly guy image is. Kind of Working??? just a little bit.
because. granted. of course i think subaru is easily the most threatening person there with both His Flavor of Insanity and rbd. subaru is an eldritch horror in every single way. but at the same time - hes an eldritch horror who thinks friendship is the best magic of all T^TT !!! he FORGIVES PEOPLE WHO'VE KILLED AND TORTURED HIM. hes not threatening in this sense - the fact that hes kind of just way too nice in this sense!!! granted yes, he IS abusing rbd and Terrifying and Threatening in a multitude of ways, but i'd rather take my chances with mainbaru over main otto right now HAH T^TT at least subaru will apologize and start bawling his eyes out if he stabs some random innocent civilian and stranger in the gut for Some Necessary Reason!! otto would feel a bit bad and then completely Eradicate that feeling of guilt with "i had to do it. it was them or me so no regrets <3".
because otto..................... yeah otto is the Worlds Most Pathetic Yandere to his whole camp.
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maddiescinema · 4 months
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first, your services are very much appreciated and i hope you have a wonderful day
second, here's what i remember about the fic i'm looking for (and if it's not real wow my brain is so good at coming up with stories)
lando norris x reader
pretty sure reader is female
its (freelance?) photographer reader and i think also best friend reader
reader was hired by mclaren to do photography stuff for f1 and of the drivers, thats where lando and reader first met and became friends
im pretty sure its part of a (ongoing?) series
part smau part written
financial issues & mclaren not being able to hire reader all the time or smth like that (maybe) lead reader to accept a contract or whatever its called to photograph a football team
its one of england's/uk's football teams (im not well versed in football so bear with me) i think
i think the team may have been manchester city? and i think i remember a jack grealish or someone like that
anyways
reader goes there and does readers job and becomes accquianted with the team members
there's this one member who has a fuckboy/playboy reputation, and keeps bothering reader to go for dinner and eventually reader says yes bc he promises its just between friends
dinner goes fine until the end where he confides in reader that the team is going to let him go if he doesnt get his act together or so he believes
then he asks reader to pretend to be his girlfriend so that doesnt happen, reader says no, he threatens reader and her career, so she gives in and he says lets kiss in front of the paps so word gets out and they do bc theyre outside having this convo and there are paps around and an article is posted and it goes to social media
anyways that dude is an asshole
reader just ignores him and tries not to be with him and interact with him going back to work, and reader is feeling really alone bc lando isnt answering her calls and she deosnt really have anyone at the moment to vent and talk about this situation to, also the internet gets to her a bit i think
reader is camping out in an empty conference room getting stuff done when she goes to get a snack and maybe the bathroom to cry & try to call lando again?
when she comes back theres someone there and its jack grealish(?) (not the relationship forcing asshole) and shes like oh im sorry i must have forgot our meeting
hes like we had no meeting i just wanted to check up on you, bc ive noticed you been down lately and the whole dating thing
readers opens up and vents about being forced into the relationship
he shares that the team is either waiting or looking for a reason to let the asshole go bc his behaviour is bad and the players dont like him and dont get along with him
and he promises reader that if she ever needs anything that hes there for her and that she can go him
and she feels safe and happy and not alone anymore
and thats all i remember, and since im 94% sure that this is a series or at least part of a series, i might be mixing up parts
if you can find it thank you! if not thanks for trying!
p.s. why is it so hard to find things on tumblr??? ive tried to look for this but im also weak and give up to easily
first of all, thank uu 🫶🏻 i’m happy to help!!
second of all, I SWEAT I’VE READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, like i’m so sure but going back to find it is actually impossible 😭 i’ll try again tomorrow cause i know i’ve read this one BUT if anyone knows where to find it PLEASE let us know in the comments, my inbox or my dms!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
UPDATE:
“A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words” by @f1byjessie
(thank you SO much to the comment and the anons who helped find this fic!! all the love to you guys!!)
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shamelessler · 1 year
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Spongebob Headcanons
Spongebob
- Spongebobs parents were rich and didnt have a lot of time for him
- He has adhd, his parents were very upsetted by the news because it messed up their plans for him to be a 'perfect child'
- Spongebob is a nickname, his real name is Robert
- He was born an only child
- Knows how to speak French because it's his mothers native language
- Strangely good at twerking??🤨
- Sings "livin la vida loca" and "living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight" when drunk
- On the aro/ace spectrum
- Doesn't like people prying on his love life
- Learned ukulele as a kid and wrote songs
- Spongebob owns no pictures of him from his childhood, because he was very uncomfy with how his parents made him dress
- He's pretty masc presenting but he's not opposed to wearing a dress if its his style
- He refuses to curse around children and berrades people for doing so by saying "language"
- Spongebob just started college to become a biologist and works at the Krusty Krab part time but also does random things like garage sales and stuff to get more money
- He's very independant and refuses to use any of his parents money, even if they really want to use the money to get closer to Spongebob (which never worked)
- His parents send him presents and stuff for every occasion but Spongebob always ends up giving it to Patrick or Squidward for free, he'd rather his parents spend quality time with him instead of on money
- Favorite childhood movie will always be Lilo and Stitch💓
- Speaking of, his love language is 100% quality time. he doesnt care what he's doing as long as he gets to spend time with the people he loves while doing it. he also doesnt mind hugs<3
- Refuses to have anyone fix his tooth gap, he's very attached to it
- 27 years old
- Favorite songs are ocean man, la vie en rose, and beautiful boy. <3
- Went to camp with Patrick, Sandy, and Squidward as a kid:)
Squidward
- He used to date Squilliam, but he broke up with him years ago
- Has a twin sister, but they dont talk anymore
- His guilty pleasure show is Dance Moms
- Got made fun of for taking ballet as a kid
- Interested in feminine things but loves when people validate his masculinity
- That one guy everyone just assumes is gay without any explanation needed
- He's had the same clarinet since he was 10 years old and its very much a comfort object for him
- Says hes too mature for cursing, but he swears under his breath all the time
- Has an unlikely bond with Sandy once he starts getting closer to Spongebob, Sandy was the first one to help Squidward talk about how Spongebob makes him feel
- Spongebob goes to every concert of Squidwards that he can and it secretly makes Squidward v happy
- In my world, Squidward basically just started adulting cuz hes in his 20's and he hates it. He's like a kind of edgy teen thats already over the world.
- Works the Krusty Krab part time and does art commisions when he's at home
- His love language is words of affirmation
- He babysat Pearl a lot when he was a teenager to make money and sometimes Spongebob joined in with the babysitting
- A theater kid at heart
- Favorite songs consist of songs from musicals, The Girl From Ipanema, and anything by Billie Eilish cause he's a sensitive soul😭
- 29 years old and he already thinks hes an old man who's wasting away🙄
- Favorite childhood movie was The emperor's new groove cause he had a crush on Pacha lol
Plankton
- That one gay uncle that brings alcohol to a kids birthday party
- Karen and Plankton are gay best friends that look like a straight couple
- Karen is always trying to convince Plankton that he has a crush on Krabs
- Spent his childhood with Krabs
- Definitely has a hyperfixation on Mr. Krabs but he doesn't realize
- Weird sense of humor
- Curses constantly
- Planktons love language is acts of service
- Only opened the Chum Bucket to be closer to Krabs
- 67 years old and he's a fucking dilf😩
- He doesn't really listen to music, but when he does its mostly angsty
- His favorite childhood movie was Peter Pan
Mr. Krabs
- Cursing comes natrually to Mr. Krabs, Spongebob doesnt even try to stop him anymore
- He and Plankton are like the cool cousins at the christmas party smoking pot in the closet
- Mr. Krabs' love language is gifts, or just saving him money😭
- He secretly sees Spongebob and Squidward as the sons he never had, considering the two boys had been doing silly money making schemes with Mr Krabs for as long as they could remember
- Gets worried about Plankton all the time and gets anxious about if he pushed him too hard
- Him and Plankton have a sort of silent agreement to keep up the act of cat and mouse, since neither of them want to admit they truely just miss each other
- He was in the navy as soon as he could be enrolled and dislikes the 4th of July because it gives him flashbacks
- Sees his old navy friends as family
- As a human he 100% has a beer belly😭
- His favorite songs consist of sea shanties and funnily enough, The Electric Skates. Pearl got him into it but he refuses to admit it
- 69 years old and constantly jokes about the certain number🚶‍♀️
- Refuses to admit it, but his favorite childhood movie was Cinderella because he dreamt about his own fairy god mother coming to bless him and his poor family with riches
Patrick
- in my secret dating au, Patrick gets tired of pretending like he doesnt know that Squidward and Spongebob like each other so he says, "Once you both marry, can I be Squidwards best friend in law?"
- Patricks love language is definitely physical touch and receiving gifts
- He met Spongebob when the 5 year olds saw each other outside and the two would make silly gestures at each other from across the street
- He's on tiktok a lot so he listens to songs he found on tiktok lol. so he likes tyler the creator and stuff
- 27 years old
- Has matching pfps with Spongebob on every social media platform
- Became an influencer on accident
- That one kid that vaped in the middle school bathroom
- He went through an emo phase
- Got in a lot of fights as a kid on behalf of Spongebob
- His mom is extremely reminent of Eric Cartman's mom😭 "okey, dear."
- Loved to watch Lilo and Stitch with Spongebob as kids
- Cringe and proud
- Loves buddy movies
- Thinks Teen Titans, Go! is funny af (it is guys i promise it is)
Sandy
- Only curses if she has a really good reason and doesn't use them on others
- Her love language is acts of service:)
- Met Spongebob in camp when she was 11
- Vegan
- Has a gay twin brother named Randy that shes very close to
- Her favorite kinds of songs are folk, country, also she enjoys the music artists bôa, lady lamb, and taylor swift
- She is an activist
- Had a lisp as a kid
- 28 years old
- Favorite childhood movie was Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs since she related to him so much as a kid and still does
_______________
A/N: ok im done with general hcs, agere is next:)
id like to thank my bf for helping me brainstorm a lot of these hcs with me, ty lux for giggling abt spongebob with me.
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i need a plot for this
yall so ive been trying really hard to get back into writing and i went to a writing camp this summer. im going to post a poem that i wrote there later bc im super proud of it but right now i have something else i need help with. SO basically there was a prompt about someone finding a letter or a note. that’s the prompt. so i wrote something, really liked it BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO TAKE IT FROM HERE. my basic ideas involve the two characters meeting each other again to do SOMETHING WHICH I DONT KNOW and slowly arcane (youll see when you read the story below) thaws and falls in love with kalon and kalon has always been in love with her and its like best friends to enemies to friends to lovers ya know? ANYWAY if you dont hate me for being inactive and needy, please read this and help me. 
Dear Arcane,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? 10 years. Wow. I don’t even know if you’ll ever get this, you could’ve moved. You could be dead. Oh god, that’s dark. You’re not dead, someone would’ve told me, I’m sure. So that must mean that there’s a good chance you have this, but I’m not even sure if you’ll read it.
He was right, as he most often was. Arcane had not planned to read the letter from the moment she read her name on the envelope, written in a neat sort of messy handwriting that could only come from one person. The letter had been sitting at her desk for a week before memories began to drown her and she knew she had to open it.
That’s not the point though, I’m sure you’ll read this. You’ve always been a sucker for the intimacy of written letters. Maybe that’s why I wrote to you instead of calling.
Arcane closed her eyes, the pounding of the memories at the door slowly consuming her. She took a deep breath and let them in. The whispers started to fill the room, every word echoing off the walls, like her past had become a living, breathing thing in her room. How could he write her now? After all these years. Anger reared it's small head in the back of her mind. How could he be so casual as if he wasn't the boy who ripped her heart out and tore it to pieces. 
Maybe it’s because I did read all the letters you wrote to me. Even after the voicemails stopped filling my phone and the emails ran dry, your letters kept coming.
She remembers writing those letters, the pen shaking in her hand as it hit the paper. She remembers wondering what you said to someone like him, a friend who left you behind. The squeeze in her chest that tightened each time he didn’t reply. The break in her heart when the last letter she ever wrote was returned to her doorstep.
If you’ve read this far without tearing my letter to pieces, then I would say this is a good start to our reunion. I’ve missed you. Your stubborn ways, always trying to keep me safe. But you always came with me wherever I went anyway. I miss your secret smile, the one you saved just for me. The treehouse we built in your yard. Do you miss that? I wonder if you wonder about me. I wonder if I can even ask that of you.
She did miss them. But, those things that she missed were long gone. The treehouse was overgrown with vines, Arcane was sure you couldn’t even get into it anymore. She went with him on his stupid adventures because what would she do if he left and met new people? He would leave her and she would be alone. So she desperately followed him blindly, hoping it would keep him close. Arcane missed her secret smile, the genuine one she had always saved for him. He missed it. How could he miss something that he destroyed. With his one and only letter to her, he demolished any leftover love for him that hid in her heart. He couldn’t ask if Arcane wondered about him. That wasn’t fair. That night, ten years ago, was still a raw wound in her soul that she was pretty sure would never heal.
~
The rain was relentless that night, banging against every edge of the house, but a little girl was waiting by the door, not even flinching as the lightning and thunder clapped furiously. Arcane peeked her head above the window frame to find the mailman running through the storm, his frantic steps pounding through the floor of the house. Her eyes lit up with a hope that was slowly fading with each mail drop. She opened the door and hid the small smile that started to spread up her face with a cough.
“Hi, Dan!” Arcane’s voice gave away the excitement that was flooding her system.
“Hey, Arcane.” Dan couldn’t help the pitiful grin that he gave her. She waited by the door for him every day and each day there was no letter for her. It must be soul-crushing, he thought, waiting for a letter that never comes.
“Is there…?” Arcane was practically on her tiptoes at this point. Dan rifled through the letters, dread settling as her name wasn’t there. Again. And then there was a squeal. “Oh, Dan! I found it! I knew- I knew it- I told them!” Her sentences didn’t even come out fully as she beamed, her smile brighter than any ray of the sun.
Arcane had run into the house, a breeze following in her wake. Plopping down into the soft plush couch, she ripped open the envelope, not caring about the paper that flew everywhere in the room. A paper fluttered out, floating toward the ground. Arcane grabbed it, hands shaking, she could practically feel the sweat dripping down her face. Words were the easiest way to break someone. The letter only contained eleven words, yet they would stick with her for the rest of her life.
Stop writing me. None of it was real. You were nothing.
Eleven words. And they shattered her. Crumbling, shattering, a million pieces breaking. Sobs racked through her whole body, her chest shaking and trembling with each broken breath. She caught her face in the mirror hanging off the pale wall and didn’t recognize the girl that stared back. You were nothing. A scream tore through her, the ache of her heart so raw that even the sun seemed to cry, rain dripping onto the panes of the windows. And slowly, so very slowly, Arcane buried the ache and gathered the shattered pieces of her heart and encased them in an impenetrable cage, never to opened again.
~
The ache was still present now, ten years after the letter had arrived. The dullness of her buried hurt made her clench her fists around the letter that sat in her hand now, the same lopsided handwriting adorning it.
But, that’s not why I’m writing this letter. I’m writing this with an actual purpose, if you can imagine that. I didn't just write to rehash our friendship. 
Arcane could feel her eyes narrowing, fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the inanimate piece of paper. An actual purpose? To break her heart all over again? This time she did roll her eyes, even though no one was there to see it. But, it wasn’t the fact that he wrote her after all these years or that his tone was friendly throughout that made her body freeze. It was the last line that had the hairs on the back of her neck standing to attention.
In all the years that Arcane had known him, he'd never been very dependent. He often just struggled in silence and figured them out on his own. Not once, not ever, had has asked for help. But, there the sentence was inked in his slanted, loopy writing. 
I need your help.
Love,
Kalon
  ~~everything below here is stuff that doesnt have to be a part of the story but i still liked it and where it was going (idk please give me ideas)~~
The quiet, shock of the room seemed to weigh on Arcane. She flopped back onto her bed, the soft pillows cushioning her landing. I need your help. Those few, simple words, tugged at the strings that bound her heart. He needed her. The thought was fleeting as just as quickly as it came, it left. In its spot was anger. Now he needed her? After all those years when she needed him? What did he do then? Nothing. And that’s what she was going to do now. She huffed in satisfaction, tossing the envelope to the side. Her fingers reached into her hair, massaging her head. There were too many things to think about right now. Arcane squeezed her eyes shut as memories stung her eyes in the form of tears. 
~
“Please, don’t leave me.” Arcane had whispered, her small breaths filling the one room of the treehouse. 
“I don’t have a choice. You know I don’t want to go.” Kalon’s voice broke and he looked away so Arcane couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. It was silent. 
“We’ll still be best friends right?” 
“Yeah.” Kalon’s reply didn’t hold much conviction, causing Arcane to look over at him, confused, glossy eyes narrowing. 
“To the moon and back, Kal, remember?” She said, her tone desperate. It was a promise they made one night as they were watching some cheesy movie on the old television set. The boy had told the girl that he loved her too ‘the moon and back’. Kalon had then explained that the two characters said that so that they would never be apart. They could meet at the same moon, always and then they could go back. And then, they would never be fully apart. Arcane had liked that. So naturally,  she had grabbed Kal’s face and made him promise that they would go ‘to the moon and back’ if they were ever apart. It became a goodbye for them, a way of saying ‘I’ll see you soon’. 
“Yeah,” Kal had replied, a smile barely curling through his lips, “I’ll race ya there.”
~
She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, letting her memories flow down her cheeks and into the bedsheets, but eventually she had to get up. She pulled herself up and off the bed, limbs protesting at the use. She just needed a few days is all, then she wouldn’t even remember what she was crying for.  Kalon didn’t mean anything to her anymore.
thank you for reading this far, i love all of you. just throw out ideas please. or give me some advice, i would love that. whether its about my writing or the plot i would love to have tips and constructive criticism on how to get better! tagging some moots who i hope dont hate me after this below the cut:
@natashxromanovf @pad-foots @griffxnnage @voidmalfoy @flxss-bxbblxs @alwaysreading @herondalesunsetcurve THANKS YALL I LOVE YOU MORE THEN I EXPRESS AND I DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT DESERVE ALL OF YOU AND YOUR LOVE
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tvmblrdothailey · 4 years
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Bnha x trans woman reader
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A/N: I decided to write an x reader where the reader is a trans woman. To any trans woman reading this I just want you to know thAT I FŪCKING LOVE YOU💙💖🤍💖💙🥰😘🥰😘🥰😘 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL LITERALLY FIGHT ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU.
Warning: Cursing, Transphobia, mentions of Sex Reassignment Surgery, Gender Dysphoria. Karen
(Y/N): Your name
(D/N): Your dead name
Summary: It took a while for your parents to accept you for who you are, you just hoped your classmates and teachers would accept you as well.
- Before the first day, you had recieved your school uniform, but it turned out to be a mens uniform. To which you had to “politely” ask them to send you the correct uniform.
- Once you made it to class you were immediently introduced to a green haired male who you’d later find out was named Izuku. Then you met Uraraka, Iida, Asui, etc.
- Eveything was going well until your teacher showed up and immediently had you all sent to change into P.E uniforms.
- It wasn’t the uniform that was the problem, it was the fact that none of them knew you were trans and had to share a changing room with other woman. And even though they seemed friendly at first, you still were unsure how’d they react.
- In the past you had to learn the hard way that a smile can really hide someones true colors and that not all people are willing to accept you for who you are and not what you are.
- It’s worth noting that you havent had Sex Reassignment Surgery yet, because you couldnt afford it. (You did take medication though)
- And even though you were generally confident about your Gender, you still had your moments where you started to doubt yourself abd even questioned if you were a real woman (WHICH YOU FRICKING ARE OKAY!!! 😤💙🤍💖)
- Once you were in the womans lockerroom, you tried your best to find a place where you could change without any of them seeing you. So far it was going good until Uraraka came looking for you. She blushed and in a panic you told her you were a trans woman.
- You froze for a few seconds before hearing Uraraka’s voice “Oh...okay, well just so you know, I think you’re a very beautiful woman!” My god you had to hold back from giving Uraraka a hug right then and there.
- Later down the line you had come out to the rest of the girls as a Trans woman, to which they all responded with hugs and affection.
- “We don’t care if you’re trans, you’re still the same (Y/N) we know and love.” -Hagakure
- “It doesnt matter whats in your pants, if you identify as a woman, then you’re a woman.” - Jirou
- “I am literally pink, and you think I’d judge you because of your gender? Hell nah, get over here and let me love you!” - Mina
- “If anyone tells you otherwise you come to me and I will have a “friendly” chat with them.” -Momo
- “Ribbit, You’ll always be our friend (Y/N), no matter what.” -Tsu
- They would die for you
- With the help of the other girls, you eventually came out to Aizawa, and he promised that you would be treated the same just as any other student. And if anyone gives you any problems you bring it to him for him to deal with. (Protective dad tm)
- Eventually the entire class knew and you felt the biggest weight fall of your shoulders.
- “It does’nt matter, you’re still (L/N) (Y/N). And we all care about you. 💚” -Izuku
- “I don’t give a damn about your gender! So stop it with that self-concious shit.” -Bakugo. Although his words may seem harsh, he really cares about you and is willing to blow up any wall, building or mountain to chase away any Dysphoria you may have.
- You had to exaplain it a couple of times for Todoroki since he was never educated about that kind of stuff, but once he got it he immediently replied “I didn’t know people could do that. Thank you for telling me, and I’ll do everything I can to support you.” 🤍❤️
- Of cource there were going to be some students who felt the need to belittle you...
- One time in the Caffiteria, Monoma had walked up to your table and desided that today would be the day he would be the biggest dick in the world
- “It’s shocking how people say Class 1A is one of the hardest courses to get into, yet they let someone like you in.” He said
- You looked at him “Excuse me?”
- “I’m just saying when you think about it scientifically, you’re still a man no m- “ Monoma didn’t get to finish his sentence before Kendo slapped him, knocking him out cold.
- “Hey, sorry about him (Y/N). I knew he was low but I didn’t think he was that low.” She then smiled at you “Don’t listen to him, he’s just desperate to finding ways to make his class seem better because of some imaginary rivalry that’s only exist in his head. Anyway, I need to take him to Recovery girl to get his brains checked, but I’ll see you later!”
- Kendo was the best, and she made sure that Monoma got a stern lecture from Vlad later that day.
- Then there was the Mall incident, when the class was going on a trip to the mall to buy supplies for Summer training camp, but then you ran into an Ex friend.
- Emphasis on the word EX
- “(D/N)?” They said. To which you froze, you recgonized that voice anywhere and you could already tell that this conversation wasn’t going to be friendly.
- You slowly turned around “Hey Karen...” She didnt look that diffrent, fake nails, fake jewlery, fake personality...what?
- “Why are you dressed like a woman?” She said.
- You groaned before responding “Because I am a woman, Karen.” You tried to walk away from her in order to avoid confrontation, the last thing you needed were hundreds of eyes on you. You made a note to yourself to come back tommorow when you would’nt have to deal with her. But you’re taken out of your thoughts as you feel someone grab your shoulder and spin you around.
- “Do you think it’s funny? To make fun of mental illness?” She said.
- There was a point in time when Karens words didnt offend you anymore, they just frustrated you because of how dumb and ignorant she sounded.
- “Karen, I have told you multiple times that I am a woman, I am not mentally ill, I am human. I get that it might be confusing for you but it’s not for me. I am happy the way I am okay?”
- “You’re the one that’s confused. You think you’re a girl but you’re a boy no matter what? That’s just how the human body works.” She shot back. At this point multiple eyes were already on you two. Some looked uncomftorable, others look confused and then there were a few that looked disgusted. Just a few people had the power to send Dysphoria crawling back into your mind.
- You started to hear fast footsteps before hearing “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YOU BOOTLEG BARBIE BITCH?!”
- Oh hey bakugo (we’re gonna pretend him, Kiri and Shoto came along aight)
- “Bakugo, It is unacceptable to call a woman by such a deragatory term! Even though she was being rude to (Y/N) there are better ways to-“ Iida was cut off by Bakugo
- “SHUT THE HELL UP FOUR EYES!” Kiri then had to hold bakugo back while Todoroki and Uraraka steped in between you and Karen.
- “Don’t ever talk to our friend like that, she is more of a woman than you’ll ever be. I’d suggest that you walk away right now, our friend can only hold back Bakugo for so long.” Todoroki said
- Uraraka helped calm your nerves and whispered to you “Don’t listen to her, she’s just jealous because you can wear a dress better than her.”
- AIGHT, now the training camp.
- During the training camp, Tiger had not only helped you get stronger, but also helped scare away any Gender Dysphoria that remained inside your head.
- “Don’t ever let peoples harsh words get to you! You are doing this for yourself and that’s what matters!” He said
- When it was time to take a bath, you didn’t hesitate to get into the hot springs. The encouraging words Tiger gave you along with the constant support of your friends had made you feel safe and happy. You could’nt ask for better friends.
Bonus:
* IF YOU DO NOT PLAN ON HAVING SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY THEN YOU CAN IGNORE THIS PART
- One moment that stuck out was when momo dropped the question “Hey (Y/N), you dont have to awnser this but I was wondering, why have’nt you gone through Sex Reassignment Surgery? Are you not comftorble with it or...?”
- “Oh, I just dont have the money for it.” You responded
-Way way later on.
- your birthday was finally around the corner
- On the big day you woke up to your friends Uraraka and Midoriya at your door and they dragged you to the main room where the rest of the class along with Mr. Aizawa were.
- You noticed a large envelope on the coffe table and they looked at you before Hagakure urged you to open it.
- When you did you found two gifts, one was a shirt
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- And the other was a smaller envelope with the words Class 1A written on the back. You opened the envelope and pulled out a card and opened it to which a small keychain fell out that said “trans woman are real woman” and if that wasn’t wholesome enough...
- You looked inside the card but before you could begin reading Aizawa interupted and asked you to read it outloud.
- “Dear (Y/N), words can not describe how wonderful you are, how brave, how strong, or how amazing of a person and classmate you are. We all love you! When you came out to us as a transwoman, we all immediently wanted to make sure you knew you were valid and loved. It’s come to our attention that you haven’t had sex reassignment surgery because you are unable to afford it. So we banded together and decided we would help pay for your surgery-“ you couldn’t finish as you were allready in tears and you looked at Aizawa and the rest of the class to confirm that they were not messing with you.
- “I’ve already talked with your parents all you have to do is set up an appointment and all that fun stuff.” Aizawa said.
- Your tears turned into water falls and your classmates all went to give you hugs and affection. You thanked each of them through your tears of joy and hiccups.
- Definitely a Birthday that would be remembered.
TUMBLR DESITED TO DELETE 65% OF THIS POST THAT I POURED MY HEART AND SOUL INTO 😭
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getallemeralds · 3 years
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Explorers of Arvus: uhhhh / 3.23.21
today's notes are different from usual bc. well. you'll see
LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS i broke my sleep schedule and am barely existing so this is fine. we went back to camp vengeance an uhhhhhhhhhhhh we are now going to fuck off into the forest to die or prove a very important point
oh god we forgot to level up
[mgd voice] BOOSTING NYX TO MAXIMUM LEVEL
im so fuckin tired. what on earth am i doing. how do i level again
k is not here this time but instead we've got mae+nii bonking their heads together to simulate 2 braincells and so far it is not working. i might just have to like fuckin, drop out n zzz partway thru or somethin. would be fun to see how chaotic michael makes charlie in my absensce
oh wait i can do d&dbeyond i think. how do i work this again. will i ever remember i have shield
what level am i. level 6? pog. oh shit i think i have a new thing
. new spell
. 3 total 3rd level spell slots
. bend luck! i can now screw people over on purpose (and will probably use my sorcery points FINALLY)
michael is leveling charlie up bc my brain is apple sos
ASDXFKLJFH I FEEL CALLED OUT zec rb'd my most recent art of MaX with "all i know about xem is that leo likes xem a lot that's the extent of my knowledge" THANK U FOR SUPPORTIN ME ANYWAY
there will be less blaseball distractions than last time bc blaseball is now on siesta. however i will still have MaX brainrot in the background bc i was drawing xem
wyatt mason my beloved
OKAY I GOTTA MUTE THE TACO STAND FOR THE ENTIRETY OF D&D i cannot and will not get distracted. we can do this. we
nintendo wii
we havent even started yet and im already incoherent
ok i have made a decision and that decision is that i do not have the brainpower to play. however i do have the brianpower to take notes hopefully! so ill just like. vibe. this will be a first
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oh man im gonan pick up Blink. charlie is gonna be a fucking menace to herself and others
oh my god its not concentration so charlie may continue teleporting while unconscious. thorne is going to hate this
[charlie gets her soul eaten by a ring] [charlie singing dragonston din tei at halvkWAIT JORB HAS A PRIZE
jorb got a thing! an evil genius thing! figure man. fugrine. figuring. help
GREEN HAS DIAGNOSED ME AS TIGREX MONSTERHUNTER i love this
my notes are a disaster. this is so sucks
serotonin is stored in the wiggly zoomy jorb camera
jorb: his pinky is the size of the rest of his fingers
leo: he has a disease
jorb: he has a disease.
jorb: that disease is male pattern baldness
leo: [reduced to tearful giggling for mysterious reasons]
LAST TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we've returned to camp vengeance! taure is still unconscious, which is not very great. camp vengeance is doin better tho!
michael, as part of the recap: ingrid is getting railed by her new girlfriend,
first dice roll of the day is michael rolled a 1. good start
OH THORNE IS AN ARTIFICER NOW thorne took a level in artificer!
"...it's like figuring out the right mathematical equation to summon a gun."
group is gonna go check out the statue that we passed by now that we're not WHAT DO YOU MEAN PONK AND GEORGE CANONICALLY HAVE IBS thats it im not looking at 772 anymore
im doing a bad job of paying attention but at least im Present
SIERON LEARNED FLY AND USED IT ON CHARLIE
michael: what do you want to do with your new flying powers?
leo: how many problems can i cause in 10 minutes
guard 1: ...why is the halfling flying?
guard 2: [rolls a 3 on intelligence] i think they can just do that
groundhogs, the real scourge of the campaign
silje and sieron are gonna hunt a big elk. they got distracted and sieron is putting grass on silje's head. i think
WAIT WE'RE ON WATCH NOW FUCK
we have discovered kali's tragic backstory whoops
update i am. too sleepy for this. good nigh everyone
[ and then leo went and somewhat took a nap! solar, normally playing thorne, started playing charlie in my stead. @jorbs-palace, local hero, started taking shitpost notes in my stead. ]
jorb's ghostwritten notes for leo:
help solar is immediately doing a cursed voice for charlie. charlie can do so many crimes
congratulations, charlie is now temporarily immortal!
dwarves can hit things with their beard
kali wants to know if she's legally allowed to bail
she'd feel really bad if she had to loot our corpses for payment if we died.
we have entered the Tree Zone
one of the corpses is now a flamingo (has one leg)
silje has decided to stab the ground. take that, dirt
kali was large size for a second there but then she remembered to not be a giant
"you accidentally deleted my cat?!"
silje has learned naruto cloning jutsu
be gone, thot
oh boy, making an int check to look at a statue! 11! silje is dumb apparently.
hmm. the statue has divination magic. it's also affecting silje.
SILJE LEARNED A 6TH LEVEL SPELL? its only single use but still
you solved my statue riddllllleeeee
thorne forgot to have eyes
its a shame mac and cheese doesnt exist in the d&d universe
wizards are just math criminals (the criminal part is setting people on fire)
sieron crit fails a check but it was still a 9 because of having +8
thorne is looking for what's weird!
uh oh music got scary, never a good sign
hmm. those leaves over there weren't dead a moment ago.
UNDEAD TROLL TIME! rolling initiative
"it's ok, im a wizard, it's my duty to be correct." "wow! waow!"
woooah here he comes
IT JUST DID HALF SIERON'S HEALTH AS A PASSIVE END OF TURN EFFECT?
thorne backed up and cast eldri- oh, ray of enfeeblement. character development continues
charlie is going to just blink out of existence for a minute.
big chungus has grabbed silje and sieron. BIG CHUNGUS HAS THROWN SILJE AND SIERON.
sieron is using hit and run tactics! isn't good at his extra attack yet though
silje is activating bid bid blood blood blood
thorne uses beam of skipping your leg day. troll's legs are now skipped.
michael is trying to determine what a 'clavicle' is
"does that mean the star trek kind, or the bdsm kind?"
charlie wants to cast magic missile.
charlie has vanished back into the ethereal plane mid-taunt
silje has decided to not get bitten today
silje may or may not have stats.
oh, right, trolls are weak to fire! and also we forgot to upgrade sieron's firebolt. so it actually hurts now!
silje is full of knives and blades and does 31 damage in one turn!
charlie shouts words of encouragement from the ethereal plane. a nearby ghost vibes with this.
🎉 eldritch blast 🎉
kali remembered she hates the sun
silje is enthuasiatic about charlie saying "get him cat boy!"
charlie contemplating using fireball to nuke the troll and also the entire stonehenge
charlie has decided to use magic missile instead, probably for the best
the troll bit at charlie SO POORLY it broke some of its teeth on the ground
charlie is too small to hit
accidentally rolled advantage on a firebolt, so got to learn it WOULD have done 29 damage with a crit but instead it missed because it was not actually with advantage
silje has just sliced open its entire back and made a spray of frozen blood! radical. big boy is down!
we have burned the body because we are not stupid. well, we ARE stupid, but not stupid in the way of leaving a body full of necrotic magic around
[dr coomer voice] i think it's good that he died!
we're also doing a funeral pyre for the other corpses that were around. just to be sure.
our loot is: the satisfaction of a job well done
thorne is cosplaying as charlie
charlie has located the direction troll came from! she found the 'the way to sweet loot' sign
thorne is apparently better at survival checks than our hired guide? wack
we found a viking house! it has: mead, a shield, gravestones,
found a gold coin in the mead! maybe it was thirsty
oh theres a LOT Of coins in there actually. 60 gold and 120 silver!
have successfully pointed out a hole in the DM's logic :)
there was a raven! it cawed and left. ok bye buddy
and that's where we leave it! heading back to camp vengeance next time.
someone rated this session a 7.2 out of 10, which is very specific
good night mr coconut
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kidgrimm · 4 years
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apprentice april asks #1 by @starblazerm31
1. The Basics.  What is your character’s name?  How old are they? How tall are they?  Skin color?  Eye color?  Hair color?  Gender identification?
alice - 31 - 5′2 - tan - blk - blk and white - fem
2.  Love Interest.  Who does your character love?  What attracted them to that particular LI?
julian
hes tall smart and caring but hes a huge doof and theatrical
3. Familiar.  Does your character have a familiar?  How did they meet?
dinah ,she doggo. I made a small comic.she just walks into the shop one day as a puppy and tells alice she lives there now.
4. Hobbies.  What kinds of things does your character like to do for fun?
crafting making silly things out of magic
5. Hidden talents.  Is there something neat that your character can do?  Tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue?  Say any word backwards perfectly?
she can parkour and is skilled at knife fighting because shes a paranoid scared cat.
6. Magical talents.  Is there a specific type of magic that your character excels at?  Any magic they aren’t so great at?  Or do they actually shy away from magic altogether?
her magic looks like sparkly glitter and can change color due to mood. If she gets a trigger about her past (she has ptsd) her glitter based magic dissipates into a suffocating fog.
she mostly makes odjects and silly things with her magic because shes a clown. but behind it all shes actually quiet serious about it as its another way to protect herself.
7. Interaction.  How does your character typically interact with people?
she very sweet unless you treat her like trash then she will spit your spite back at you. which can surprise people. Shes already been treated like trash in the past and she wont allow that anymore.
8. Romance.  What is something that your character and their LI love to do together?  How do they show affection?
lots of giggling and laughing about dumb crap
alice doesnt show it,but shes very touch starved. but doesnt do much pdoa. she smothers julian with kisses and presents and food and lovey words.the whole nine yards.
9. Travel.  Does your character like to travel outside of Vesuvia?  How often?  For how long?  What kinds of things do they do away from home?
not particularly but she wouldnt mind if julian or asra would want to take her out of town. she will be more on edge though and you can clearly see her paranoia creep out. shes usually good at hiding it.
10. WTF.  Has anything just…weird ever happened to your character?  Something that made them stop and go “What just happened?!”
falling in love with asra when she first  moved to vesuvia and making friends.very weird but good experiance
11. Crime.  Has your character ever been arrested?  If so, what did they do?  Have they ever helped stop a crime?
no, if she stabs someone they were doing something they shouldnt have.
12. Secrets.  What is a secret that your character has?  Are they in line for the throne in a far off land?  Was there this one time at band camp…?  Are they secretly involved in an assassin’s guild?
her real name is Amoramayu. But she changed it once she ran away from her abusive family and isolated existance.
13. Overcompensation.  Is there something that your character just HAS to do better than anyone else?  Or are they just that dang good without trying?  If they see someone else showing off, what is their kneejerk reaction?
nahhhh
alice isnt perfect and she knows it
shes not super smart but she is crafty.
14. Fight Club.  Is your character a good fighter?  What kind of skills do they have?
she can fight, but she isnt THE GREATEST. She would be if she could control her emotions. She gets into that ptsd zone when she is going to fight so she turns into a scared cat hissing and clawing and basically goes feral.
15. The Arts.  Is your character a creative type?  What kinds of things can they create?  Can they act?  Street perform?
shes great at making people laugh. hell,all she has to do is laugh and people lose it.
she crafts with muriel alot, carvings paitings toy like items ect.which she likes to trade for at the market.
she also keeps a book of magic spells. silly and serious kinds of magic
16. Goofy.  Is your character a clown?  Do they like to make people laugh?
yes.
17. Language.  Is your character multilingual?  How many languages do they speak?  Do they have an accent?  Is it sexy?  Is it silly?  Do they have a multilingual lisp?
spanish was her first language.her accent only comes out when she gets attitude.
18. Embarrassment.  What is something really embarrassing that your character has done/said?
oh, OHH so this is a bit NSFW but it cracks me up
alice knows what men look like since she comes from a small tropical island where essentially everyones nakie
but when asra and her first got intimate she didnt understand what an erection was and she though asras -uh, thing was sick. So he had to explain to her essentially what horney does to your body /wheeze/
its a cute story
19. Memory.  Has your character gotten any of their memory back?  If so, what?  Did it change them?
yes,her memories of her family are strong because they are connected to strong negative emotions.so theyd come back to her in what seemed like shards of glass stabbing at her brain.
she always felt paranoid she just never knew why. until she remembered
20. Family.  Talk about your character’s family.  Who were they?
she had a mother father and brothers who were all pieces of shit and constantly abused her. she eventually ran away and never looked back but she suffered from ptsd and a nightmare disorder because of it. shes always paranoid that they would find her which is why she learned how to fight and parkour. She cannot be in situations that confine her as she will have a panic attack.
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bma-2020 · 5 years
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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.
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svnnysidevp · 4 years
Note
ship meme for All hehe
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗲  /  * accepting  !
are u ready 4 this . zimzalabim
𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆 & 𝒔𝒚𝒅  !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  syd solely because lane is a little bitch n refuses to cook whenever he sees so much as a spiderweb in the kitchen
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  uhhh kinda wanna say lane once he gets over all his issues w commitment :) it’ll take a while but he’ll get there n it’ll be a nice cute quiet romantic dinner !
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  lane no question abt it that is a period full stop
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  lane on the sexual front syd on the romantic side ? but lane can be romantic too if / when he feels like it !
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  lane . he alrdy did it once so i mean :) but after the whole fake dating thing he wouldn’t find a reason to leave anymore :)
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  syd mayb just bc of the way lane is NJKSDNFDS
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  LANE
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  lane mostly sends cooking recipes and syd sends lil writer’s blurbs abt characters / plots he might forget in the morning so like both ig
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  LANE
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  mmm syd !
𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏 & 𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒚  !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  aspen sets it free somewhere on the back porch she cant kill spiders : (
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  aspen !
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  nelly mayb ! during one of their nice nights together just hangin out n getting high she jus leans in n aspen has lowkey been waiting for this for a while :’)
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  aspen !
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  nelly since thats the plot NSJKDNFS she was less committed than aspen was and when they both realized that it was a sobfest ha ha
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  aspen at first but then nelly later on when aspen finally finds someone else and she realizes what she’s been missing this whole time
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  close compet but im gna say nelly , simply because she’s the one who invites aspen over to take naps all the time
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  nelly ! aspen always quick to reply tho :/
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  nelly 
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  aspen no doubt !
𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒐 & 𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒌𝒂  !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  milo ! but he doesnt kill the spider either just lets it out the window .
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  milo is the more romantic one so it would be him !
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  evika . milo gets hard almost immediately its so embarrasing . NJKSNDJFS 
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  evika !
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  evika , maybe ! she doesnt want to ruin him but honestly milo’s felt more alive than he ever has with her around
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  evika , especially when milo gets a gf while theyre still makin sex tapes 
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  evika !
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  well theyre like . roomies so they dont rly send texts NJKSDNF but mayb evika ?
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  LOL evika no contest
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  milo bc he cant help the sap :/
𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒋𝒖 & 𝒍𝒚𝒍𝒆  !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  lyle hehe
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  if we’re talking abt proposing their whole cheatin situation it was probably definitely heeju who was like “ what she doesnt know wont hurt her :) “
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  heeju ( see above )
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  heeju !
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  mmm heeju , mayb ? it cld be either of them ngl LOL
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  heeju is awfully possessive over her sister’s boyfriend :) likes to remind him who she does belong to when shes giving him head in the family bathroom
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  heeju who will do anything to not get a real job LOL
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  lyle sends her cute lil sketches that hes worked on . heeju saves them all even if she doesnt reply to any of them to avoid looking like she’s been waiting for his texts :/
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  heeju ! shes a good camgirl for a reason
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  heeju ! or maybe they said it at the same time tbh who knows they just rly like the sex NJSKDNFS
𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔 & 𝒌𝒊𝒚𝒂 !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  kiya ! moses is big baby scared of spiders : (
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  LMAO moses probably ! he does it when theyre both drunk and after their fifth round of sex for the night and hes high on life and love and is like fuck it lets do it baby i know the law
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  moses !
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  MOSES !
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  MOSES do u see the pattern here NKJSDNFS
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  kiya doesn’t get jealous much bc she believes that whatever she and moses has is real and he only loves her : ( moses only gets jealous when hes around and can see her hanging w someone else and takes it upon himself to fuck her into remembering who she belongs to ! 
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  moses :)
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  moses but theyre mostly just booty calls and sexts and half hearted “miss u”s
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  moses !
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  moses ! because hes a fool . and kiya’s a fool for saying it right back . :)
𝒍𝒆𝒙 & 𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏 !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  lex !
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  aH probably lex because he’s a lil meticulous like that and would have everything planned down to a T !
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  arian ! lex did a lot of planning for this fake dating but was always scared to initiate anything physical so arian had to do it for him :)
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  LEX ! again , if it isnt anything physical hehe when it comes to like dates or w/E
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  arian’s ex would probably come back to him first bc lex is a big dick LOL but honestly at that point lex would feel more for arian than his own ex-boyfriend so he’d be the one left behind rip
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  lex !
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  arian ! lex does a lot all the time he is a walking bullet journal .
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  arian ! 
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  arian !
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  lex ! it freaks him out a bit bc falling in love was not part of the plan but once he did fall he couldnt stop it so here he is … just a guy standing in front of a guy .. asking him to leave his bf and choose him instead !
𝒄𝒆𝒍 & 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒐𝒙 !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  cel !
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  maddox ! cel would be surprised but it wld also warm her emotionally stunted heart : (
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  cel ! it was by their favorite tree and after they’d had yet another argument . it escalated v quickly after that .
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  both of them ! they fuck like bunnies . anywhere n everywhere . its so embarrassing like pls there r children here … NJSKDFNSJDF
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  cel would b the first to distance herself if she felt like they were getting too close again ? she doesnt think she deserves anything happy . tragic !
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  both of them ! they’re both equally possessive over someone they claim isn’t theirs !
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  maddox !
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  maddox ! cel replies to none of them but thinks abt them the rest of the day .
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  cel !
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  cel . they were drunk n she was affectionate n she missed him : (
𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 & 𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓 !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  no one ! peter is fond of spiders he keeps them in a jar or lets them out the window as per mason’s request
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  peter ! he’d stumbled over his words the whole time but he powered thru bc his love for mason outweighed everything else :(
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  mason ! after his theatre showcase at the camp . peter turned pink from head to toe .
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  mason ! peter is a big baby when it comes to relationship tingz seeing as he’s never been in one so mason would have to take the lead and be patient with him re: everything :(
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  mason would be more likely to but tbh neither of them bc theyre the best boys and love each other too much to do that the end .
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  peter ! cue that whole summer of him giving mason crush advice for SOMEONE ELSE like a fool !
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  mason ! he’s influenced peter and now there r days they both stay in bed cuddling until noon .
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  mason ! peter replies to all of them tho dont worry :(
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  mason !
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  peter . he backtracked over his words and frantically reminded mason that if he didnt feel the same way it was fine and there was no rush ( internally he was like haha please dont break my heart :( .. ) but the sigh of relief he felt when mason said he loved him too ? BREATHTAKIN !
𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒏 & 𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒊 , og legends !
𝐰𝐡𝐨   .  .  .  .
001. .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 ?  levi .
002. .   .   .   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ?  levi . it was a shotgun wedding . only one other of brooke’s sisters , half stoned , turned up as witness .
003.  .   .   .   𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  levi ! it was bound to happen though , after all the incessant flirting and back and forths . inevitable .
004.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ?  both of them ! 
005.  .   .   .   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ?  both , too . theyre both equally bad for each other it’s . heartwarming :)
006.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ?  arden , initially . then when she and xun started hangin out more levi turned into that :eyes: emoji so fast
007.  .   .   .   𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐫 ?  levi ! 
008.  .   .   .   𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐀𝐌 ?  levi ! it’s mostly just him telling arden he misses her . or the bed emoji . either way arden comes for him anyway .
009.   .   .   .  𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 ?  both !
010.   .   .   .  𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 ?  arden . the first time she says it to levi is when they’re on the rooftop of her sorority house havin sex . the night sky is pretty and the music is muffled from beneath them and levi sounds so nice moaning as she ride him prompts it to slip from her lips ! her heart stops a bit but then levi says he loves her too and it’s okay again , they’re okay again ( more than okay as he continues to help her chase her own orgasm on his dick ! ).
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hey-hamlet · 5 years
Text
BNHA AU Ideas : Happy Famlies
Also on AO3!
TL;DR: This AU is exactly what is sounds like. Everyone gets a happy family. 
Feat. Dadmight, and his sons Izuku and Tenko, Big Bro Dabi with his little bro, Shinson and his Dadzawa.
allmight n inko end up dating and tenko n izu are brothers
dabi and tenko are third year ua herocourse students when izu and the others join
tenko is a soft sunshine boy cause izu rubbed off on him a lot
dabi wants to be an underground hero so he'll never be like his father
todoroki takes the entrance exam so inasa and hitoshi are recommendation students
izuku kills the exam because he starts ua being able to use full cowl 5%, breaking allmights record with a whopping 130 points
because consider dabi, shouto, izu, tenko and hitoshi all singing karaoke together, dabi has a tambourine and tenko is violently shaking maracas
izuku and inko dont know toshi is allmight, but tenko and toshi are terrible liars
the first time toshi meets izuku its just tenko presenting him saying "you gotta give it to him dad"
izu is only 5 n still broken up about having no quirk, toshi says he might just be a late bloomer while tenko nods
toshi sneaks izuku his quirk when he turns 7, izuku wakes up n accidentally punches a hole in the ceiling, he n katsuki make up cause izuku has a bomb ass quirk even if it does break his bones
he and inko just think he was a late bloomer cause his quirk was so strong. tenko and toshi highfive
seven year old izuku walking back into his house like mom i broke both my arms again :(((
katsuki actually helps him work out the flick thing
"it breaks my arms!" "then use less you dumb fuck!" "oh yeah actually thank you"
they’re so used to shouting criticisms while sparring that they still do it after they enter ua
when they spar at the sports festival mic can’t get a word of commentary in bc it’s just a constant slew of
“kACCHAN I TOLD U TO STOP LEADING WITH UR RIGHT”
“SHIITY DEKU IF U LAND LIKE THAT UR GONNA BREAK UR LEGS”
dabi n tenko the third years can hear them in their own stadium. tenko is cheering softly, dabi has a heart attack when he sees the walls of ice
izu has a massive handshapped scar on his wrist from when tenko saved him by pulling him out of the way of a car
he doesnt mind it but it makes tenko sad so he wears a lil cuff over it
tenko snuck in to watch the entrance exam he n toshinori are cheering quietly, the other teachers just sigh
izuku broke allmights record for points scored in the entrance exam but hes still scared he failed
tenko wants to s c r e a m
USJ ANGST TIME
starts as normal students enter, villains arrive kurogiri has an ear piece and is talking with afo directly, some of the 8 prefects goons are there too
hitoshi used his quirk on kurogiri to find out who they are, but is targeted after that and the villains know not to respond
the students are scattered, its izu/tsuyu and hitoshi. they do the whirlpool thing w/o the sitcking, hitoshi instructs them to tread water and not to move
hitoshi is nearing quirk overuse, tsuyu is shaken, izu is pretty much ok
aizawa is fighting the villains as normal, the nomu arrives
hitoshi tries to mind control the nomu, kurogiri attempts to direct one of the nomus punches to hitoshi, aizawa cancels the portal, severing one of the nomus arms. its grows back, aizawa is beaten
izuku charges forward, fighting the nomu with a higher percentage of full cowl than he can safely use but they are evenly matched
todoroki shows up, cant help because the two are moving so fast he cant aim his quirk and not hit mido
he and hitoshi keep kurogiri busy
before allmight arrives, dabi and tenko do, after seeing tenya running towards the school
izuku can barely move, over using his quirk to the point that he has countless micro fractures and the nomu has landed a few punches, and he took others to protect aizawa
tenko yells at dabi to grab izuku, kurogiri mentions that his master killed tenkos family and hes pissed
he cant stand up to the nomu but shouto makes an opening and he and dabi try to damage it as best they can, shouto has to hold izuku down to stop him from joining the fight again
allmight arrives, quickly dispatches the nomu, turns on Kurogiri
so tenko, allmight and a shaky izu are all facing down kurogiri while afo is trying to convince him to keep fighting
reinforcements arrive and kuro nopes out
as soon as the portal closes, izuku collapses and tenko n allmight rush over, shouto is grabbing onto dabi and hitoshi is trying to get aizawa to respond
hitoshi, crying, has to ask dabi to pick up his dad because his arms are shaking to bad hes scared he might drop him
tenko has no gloves anymore and he cant touch izuku and hes just lost, shouto wraps an arm around him and hitoshi n they cry as dabi takes aizawa and allmight takes izuku to recovery girl
aizawa n izu in the same hospital, hitoshi tells him what izuku did n aizawa fucking, breaks out of bed like a jackass to call him a problem child then fucking limps back
less depressingly, happy families dabi and tenko do "get help" from Thor Ragnarok
"gET heLP hEs BUrnINg UP"
aizawa : "kids that movie is like 240 years old"
izuku : "so... you know it then?"
aizawa: "fuck"
nighteye and gran torino are izuku and tenko's terrible uncles
he stars school at 5%, internships is 10%, camp gets him up to 15% so hes around 25% at the eri rescue
ochako being a terrible influence on kirishima
“uraraka i like katsuki. what do”
“push it down”
“what”
“pUSH UR FEELINGS Down”
also happy families shouto actually interns w nighteye n izu because dabi said he was an ass so no death thanks
one person asks izuku what his quirk is
he pauses
"aaaaaaaaaa"
"hm"
"my mum has minor levitation and my dad is quirkless"
izuku pauses again.
"wait"
"wait im not toshis biologically"
"waiT Who WAs My FirST Dad?"
shouto thinks inko has an affair w allmight then married his secretary but izuku met toshinori through tenko so he just lays down on the floor and screams
shouto’s brain is going to explode one day
consider tenko and izuku looking soft and pure but you turn around and suddenly you dont have a wallet and your food is gone
happy family izuku and kastuki were eachothers first kiss but in a dumb ass way
izuku was like "i need to ruin my frist kiss so the next one will be better"
"wow me too, you seem like the worlds worst option!"
"cool!"
they both almost gagged afterwards
tenko walked in on them violently scrubbing their lips
“wow katsuki who was ur first kiss”
bakugou stares off fondly into the distance
“deku :))”
"it was fucking terrible" wistful sigh
izuku, blushing happily: “id never do it again”
izuku: "yeah i scrubbed my face until it bleed so none of my skin would be tainted"
first week of 1a, someone asking izuku if he and katsuki are/were dating so izuku asks ochako to launch him into the sun
no matter how many people they date everyone always insists that katsuki and izuku are dating each other
izuku is actually dating shouto but no one believes him for some reason
dabi and hitoshi find it so funny
please consider dabi being the frontrunner of these rumours, like these random first years will come up to izuku while he’s eating lunch with shouto and they’ll be in t e a r s
“wHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON BAKUGOU SENPAI?”
izuku starts crying
shouto, totally deadpan: "i thought our love was real, izu-chan"
izuku wheezes
they have a katsudeku fan club and shouto’s the mascot
dabi is in it. hes a full hero at this point but nezu gave him a pass so he could attend
they have weekly meetings
it’s dabi, shouto, kirishima and like twenty first year girls from every class
shouto, in a deadpan voice: “good morning girls today i saw katsuki and izuku sharing bread. discuss”
kirishima is one of the most popular fanartists
tenko loves the meme but looking at his brother and bakugo “dating” makes him deeply upset so he breaks in to decay all the art on the walls once a week
he crowds shouto in tears one day
“how are you okay with your boyfriend and your classmate being the subjects of such horrid art”
shouto, deadpan: “it’s just a prank bro”
izuku falls asleep in the common room and toshi carries him back to his room and has to call tenko to unlock the door for him. tenko was in his own dorm on the other side of school.
he sprinted
iida the good boy finishes his essays the week before and hands them in a day early
izuku, the hot mess, procrastinates by training until he cant feel his arms and doing any other subject work than the stuff due, stays up till 4am to finish his essay and doesnt go back to sleep cause its time for his morning run
they get the same grades
no one knows izuku is a hot mess
Dabi is like izuku but he doesnt study hes just depressed
Tenko finishes his the day before but he gets izuku to read it over
shouto does his essays in class
aizawa wants to be mad but he remembers him mic n tensei distracting the teachers for as long as they can to violently finish their essays
“katsuki why didn’t you finish your essay”
“i was making oreos from scratch sensei”
"fair, give me some and you can hand in it wednesday"
he bribes every single teacher into giving him extensions and no one can refuse him bc his extra spicy curry is to die for. he maybe sometimes he helps deku get an extension too but if he does that’s no one else’s business but his
izuku acts so soft w the others "oh isnt kacchans food so good? "
but he climbs into through katsukis window
"bitch whats the recipe"
izuku banging on katsuki s window at five in the morning: “kacchan give me ur fucking curry recipe you promised it to me three years ago”
bakugos hands shake as he tries to call aizawa
“i see u calling sensei kacchan, put the phone down and no one gets hurt”
he has one of katsukis limited editing all might figurines in his hand
“give me the recipe and all might lives katsuki. it doesn’t have to end this way”
shouji, stressed and sleep deprived walks into bakugou’s room just to see izuku menacingly trying to force his way in while bakugou is crying
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sundiefundie · 5 years
Text
After hearing about the Plath family, and seeing as Hulu is recommending it on my screen I've decided to give it a go. Lucky you get to come along on this ride with me.
Episode One- Meet the Plaths
The house looks less Duggar-ish on the outside than I expected.
Soooo many blondes!!
PANTS on FEMALES!!
No technology. I get it. Kids don't need it every moment of the day. However it is essential for future employment.
No shoes?????
Tom Brady is eh anyways.
Kids don't know who Justin Beiber is but mom does???
They must not attend a Baptist church because the kids would be drowning coke and sweet tea.
Dog is named Dolly....Dolly Parton perhaps? Nah, I didn't think so either
Lydia is Jana Duggar the Georgia edition
What do you like to do for fun? She isn't sure???
Moriah is her own self and obviously the family doesnt like it. But to not be able to think of positive thing right away about your child?
Moriah is "wired differently" ??? She is your flesh and blood. You are responsible for that wiring. Take credit.
Hosanna is the perfect child.
She needs college to GET A JOB WITH BENEFITS AND TO CLIMB THE ECONMIC LADDER. College lets her find herself.
Ethan got married at his childhood home as a way to say goodbye? Did Olivia have input? A church? A park? Court house?
This chick better not make me dislike her because Olivia is what I am naming my first daughter.
Guys at work cuss and you want your mommy? Get. Off. The. Tit.
This is why you can't shelter your children so much! You are NOT preparing them fie the real world. Your bubble isn't the real world.
Olivia took his virginity in all areas of life. Like he is from a 3rd world country.
Ethan likes Friends. Wow.
Olivia likes to drink. Go Olivia.
Plath's have an issue with Ethan trying Coca Cola and ice cream???? I don't like these people.
Barry just poured himself coffee. Coffee has caffeine and you can't tell me it is decaf!
I get wanting simplicity for your children. I want simplicity but you can't hide from the world.
I was homeschooled. I enjoyed it because of the issues I faced in my specific public school. However it was a choice I got to make. My parents gave that option to me in 6th grade.
I now teach in a public Montessori school. I love the mixed age groups and learning levels in one area. I get that part of why Kim wants to homeschool.
They haven't had any major issues yet they cut to Moriah...hmmm...
Nice to see the girls dress how they want. Shorts, tank tops, sleeveless dresses.
Lydia is sweet.
Poker wine. Port wine.
For Ethan and Olivia to have alcohol that is a sad bottle opener.
He didn't have an Over Hang after those 12 drinks.
I like Olivia
Isaac built a cabin! Impressive!
Barry is hands on with his children and I love that! You rarely see that anymore.
Ethan couldn't stay in the rain a few seconds more to open the car door for his wife? Chivalry is offically dead in Fundie land.
I'm getting gay vibes with Ethan. Either he is and doesn't realize it (although you can tell he adores Olivia) or he was just so sheltered and brain washed I to a Keep Sweet mentality that all he knows is to smile 24/7 and speak in that tone and mannerism.
Moriah looks cute in the "60's" dress!!
Oh. My. Word. Ethan found "delicate stuff"
"I didn't know they had any sticky ones!" I can't!! I want to go shopping with Ethan!
Kim wears the pants in the house, not Barry (sorry, Barry!).
How was this family found and chosen for a show in the first place?
Kim may have had an alcoholic mom but that doesn't mean you shun it. That makes them want it all the more and there is where an issue could arise. Educate them. Moderation.
Kim is living her perfect childhood through her children. No different than a pageant mom who never won a trophy.
Olivia is saving Moriah and I love this.
Will she do the same for Lydia? Would Lydia even accept her help?
I'm nervous for Moriah. However the girl had a camera crew with her, how can Kim say no on camera?
San Francisco. Home of the Gays. As a lesbian, I guarantee that she won't catch it. It's not contagious.
She is worried about alcoholism. Georgia is one of the lands of moonshine isn't it?
Education is important. 1 point and only 1 point for Kim. But still, let her go to California.
This has turned into a family meeting.
San Francisco is 1996. On the fringe? Hmmm
Hom...less issues. He freaking paused.
Now the ball is in Moriah's court. I like that. She has to prove herself responsible. Better than the Duggars who would have said no right off and send the kid off to a "camp".
I hate to say this, but now I need to watch episode 2.
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Text
Arthur Morgan x Sadie Adler slow burn hc
It takes a while for Sadie to open up to Arthur truly
He was her knight in shining armor in a way, not that she needs anymore saving
She loved her husband and it takes her a while to deal with the loss
But when she finally opens up her heart, the only person who feels like they can make her whole again is Arthur
Hes charming, not as much as Dutch but charming more or less
She likes his scowl, mostly because she thinks it's cute (although she would never say it outloud) but tells him how silly it looks
She cant help but admire his raw strength that is coupled by a staggering softness
He truly is one of the kindest men shes ever known, despite all his faults
He is one of the few people in camp who knows her and realizes who she really is
She is not a damsel in need of distress
The other men tease her for being too masculine, for not wanting to work like the other women
She doesnt fit in there; it's not her place
And arthur is the only one who understands that
She could never say the words out loud
They sounded foreign and fake on her lips when she practiced (and yes she stood in her tent and practiced)
But Arthur was sick
The gang was hanging on by a thread
He had to know
She approached him in Beaver Hollow, fidgeting with her hands, something she never did
"Arthur, will you ride with me?"
He looked at her, brow furrowed
His face was sunken in and he looked exhausted. He looked like a shade of what hed been when he found her in those mountains
Despite how tired he looked, he nodded. "Sure."
They rode out into the forest a ways, far enough so that Javier, who was one watch, wouldn't hear anything she confessed
She stopped her horse in the middle of the path and turned to him
"Look, arthur, i... I got some things to say"
He sighed "Mrs. Adler, you dont need to--"
"Please, Arthur."
He waited patiently as she mulled over the words in her brain before trying to articulate them
"Arthur, you came into my life at... well, the lowest point. And you're the only one who didnt coddle me or treat me like I was some... breakable piece of china. You treated me like a real person. And... while the past few months have been hard, I just wanted to say that..."
"Sadie."
It was one of the few times he did not address her by her dead husband's name
His face was grim and his eyes downcast
"I'm dyin'."
She grimaced at those words. "I know that."
An uncomfortable sadness descended between them, pushing them apart almost
She felt sick
And then he spoke
"You are a remarkable woman, Sadie Adler. And I would be... well, I'd be honored to spend whatever time I got left with you"
A smile crept onto her lips
Tears brimmed in her eyes, but she struggled to blink them back
"I'd like that, Arthur Morgan."
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Content and trigger warnings for:
- eating disorder[s] (eds), i.e anorexia, bulimia
- me talking about my suicidal thoughts and venting (I'm ok i just need to like... "word vomit" i guess)
- abandonment by friends
- feeling repression
~~~\\
So i doubt most people on here who follow me know that I suffer from mental illness but I do and have for a very long time. All of the symptoms and effects really came out after my grandfather/best friend passed away when I was 11, 12 years ago. I fell into a hole of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. From the time I was 11 until I was around 14 I had a very hard time with food. I was suffering from bulimia and I would do the routine binges and purges I had set for myself through the day. I'm surprised my teeth survived all of the stomich acid assaults on them honestly.
I was lonely. I felt so fucking alone in the world. I didn't have many friends. The friends I had were pretty fairweather at the time, as we were kids. They'd hop to the coolest person in their opinions on sight and leave me in the dust, and then come back when they were done, or something happened, whatever. It wasn't stable, and I was always afraid of just being deserted again. My friend who stuck with me, my grandfather, was gone. My grandmother was so in shambles that she doesnt even remember the year after he died at all. My mother is chronically ill, and even though she is and will always be there for me as long as is possible I just couldn't tell her how bad I was feeling. Maybe it was guilt because she has problems that I felt far outweighed mine (haha oh god there's the tears that actually stings).
And my dad is... well.. a dad. Sometimes dads just don't understand things like mental illness, or being an unwell person. My dad loves me. I know that, and I love him a lot too. But he can't understand how these things affect me as he's basically neurotypical in every way. He tries. But I can't find empathy there, and a lot of the time there's misunderstanding when we talk about mental illness. So I didn't tell him anything then either.
I would stay in my room a lot, or be out in the woods a lot. I would scratch up my arms with my nails until they would bleed and I would cry. I felt like I didn't care if I died at that time. My parents raised me religiously in the church and I tried very hard to have a relationship with their concept of a god. But I couldn't because to me in was just emptiness. For me, in that sense, there is nothing there. So my loneliness was running even deeper than just the physical. It was spiritual as well. And idk if anyone reading this has experienced spiritual emptiness, or even is a spiritual person, but please believe me when I say it's Hell.
When I was 14 I rode my bicycle out to a bridge near my home out in the back woods type country. The old train bridge kind with the big cement blocks at the bottom of the pillars holding them up. I remember sitting on the very edge of it just looking down at the cement. I really wanted to jump. Honestly the only reason I didn't was because of my mom. She's the reason I stepped back, got on my bicycle and rode home. Albeit I was crying the whole way home, stayed out in the garden to finish crying, washed my face in the creek and went inside and straight upstairs to my bed and I slept until the next day.
When I was around the end of being 14 I tried repression. I started trying eating normally (which has wrecked me internally, I have major digestive problems as I've always refused to go to a rehab centre, which in itself is not good for me). I started pretending to have a relationship with "God". I tried the whole "cool hip Christian kid" spin from when I was that age until 17 or so. I pushed back my depression, my fears and anxieties and eds to see if I could be happy. And I pretended to be happy for a while. And I fooled a lot of people.
Things weren't by any means okay though. My school work was suffering as it always had, but since the work was harder it was also suffering harder. I picked up smoking cigarettes. I also picked up alcohol more and more. I dated a 21 year old and lost my virginity to him at 16, after much coaxing from him. That was an extremely bad 8 months.
My saving grace and my recharge at the time was a Bible camp I'd attend in the summers. I went for 12 years. Now that I think about it.. that camp was my only constant thing for a very long time. It was always there. And even when it wasn't camp time, the place was so close I could just go talk to the live in managers when I had questions. While my relationship with a god I don't believe in was strained and a facade, the people I met are amazing and have helped me a lot.
In fact, at that camp I spilled a lot of my struggles to my group of close friends. We were just a few girls, only 17 or so. But they had all been through things just as bad as me. Some so close it scared me. I felt accepted by those girls who are now beautiful strong women. So I opened the flood gates of what I had been through. All of my dark times and feelings, thoughts of dying and plans to do it, the bulimia and how it hurt my body, my 21 year old ex and what had happened to me, my struggles in school, my guilt towards my mother as her pregnancy with me put her in her wheelchair, my panic attacks and the anxiety that I'd felt for so long, my loneliness and my desperate want to not be alive. Basically just like, ALL of it. I don't really think that was a gate I could've closed even if I tried at that point. It was just a lot.
It took a while to talk about everything, and by the time I'd covered everything even more young folks like us had come over to sit. I was sobbing. My friends weren't very far behind either. Someone was rubbing my back and another person brought me tissues. I finished and everyone was kinda quiet and sad. One of my friends said "Hey can we all just kinda sit together and pray?" and I said that I thought that was a good idea. So we sat. And we just prayed. Even if they were words floating up to an empty space where I see no god, the solidarity that I felt with my friends and those around showing that they cared about me was overwhelming. I wasn't alone. I had friends. REAL friends who weren't looking for the next best thing. And I didn't feel as empty anymore. Knowing that I had people who genuinely cared for me and everything I'd been through and everything I was made me feel so much more worthy of living, it showed me I wasn't nothing.
A lot has happened since those dark times. I've had other dark times. Anorexia claimed me at 18 as a sufferer, and I still struggle with it to this day. I had a physically and emotionally abusive sociopathic partner in the Autumn of my 21st year. I had a whole 2 year ordeal with someone that I'm not even going to talk about, as this person and I have BOTH put it behind us and forgiven each other and are now friends. I alsp dropped out of high school in grade 11.
But I've had a LOT of light times. I started actively loving my body at 21, which was the first new constant in my life. I took action and got a breast reduction from G to C cup for my health at 18. I left the church and started understanding science better. The spiritualist in me called for more, so I delved into research on Paganism and Wicca. What I found was what I needed. It was the second new constant I needed. So now instead of 1, I had 2.
I live with my fiance now. He's someone who I was schoolmates with in highschool. After a few years of not keeping in touch, we hung out. We got close again. And after a few years we started dating. We've had bumpy patches. 1 break up due to his mental illness (again, it rears its ugly head). But that was short lived. And we are actively improving ourselves while being there for one another. Last March I asked him to marry me to which he said "Well, I was gonna ask you when we got our own place, so obviously yes." (I've dated a lot of people, so I am so happy that it was him I'm going to be with, no offense to any of the guys, girls and other folks I've been with and am friends with). He's my third constant.
I have so much more now than I ever dreamed I could in those dark times, friends.
Moral of the story is:
Friends come and go. But you'll find someone, or multiple people who will care about you enough to stick with you as much as you wanna stick with them.
Don't give up on yourself. You're gonna have a lot of bad times. Life happens and we can't do shit about it. But life also has a lot of really good times worth looking forward to and holding close to heart. You can love yourself no matter who you are or what you look like because you're more than a name or a number on a scale. You're a complex person with real feelings who is worthy of self love. And love from others too.
Pain sucks. Life can suck a whole fucking lot. So much you want it to end. But through all the struggle, the hurt and the mental illness, you still very much deserve a good life. If not more, because you're actively trying to enjoy being alive in a very hard time.
So yeah. Thanks for reading this. I just needed to talk. I felt like I was going to explode and my Instagram isn't really the place to put this.
Take care of yourselfs. Cherish yourself and your time here. Make the best of your situations as much as you can. Hold your loved ones close in mind and heart. And don't be afraid to talk.
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since nano is over
i have decided to celebrate by showing you all the Highlights of my 6k word sprint yesterday! it got... really hilariously bad. i hope it makes you laugh!
AND AFTER THAT THEY HAD A CONVERSATION THAT EXPLAINED EVERYTHING
they can carry cellar thing around on an adventure because they are withces
Eventually, when they had verything they thought they would need, they left! They Finally Left! IT HAS BEEN EIGHTEEN THOUSAND AND TWO HUNDRED AND THRITY WORDS OR SOMETHING AND THEY HAVE ONLY JUST NOW FINALLY LEFT! THAY HABE LEFT THE HOUSE! THEY ARE GONE! THY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE GOING AND NEITHER DO I BUT THAT DOESNT MATER ANYWAY THEY LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFT!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m actually sobbing.
they still hadn’t gotten to whatever town it was by the ime the sky started to get lighter, because I an going to draaaaaaag everythiiiiiiiiiing ouuuuuuuuut. They did see a very spectacurla sunrise though. Caroline appreciated it. Abigail was tired and just wanted to GET THERE ALREADY. I am also Abigail. Like, I want to drag this out for words but I also want things to HAPPEN.
So — summary time. Basically what this means is that things will happen much faster and also in PRESENT TENSE.
So because I and they are done with having to figure out something else to do, I say they meet this random withc.
And I feel like hitchhiking and stagecoaches and wandering around in the wilderness waiting for whatever luck decides to come your way is more of the Witch Aesthetic anyway.
All the witches are obsessed with telling rollicking tales anyway, it is a Witch Thing.
I am retconning away Abigail telling Caroline about her needlework project or whatever it is, because then you can have her having secretly brought all this embroidery stuff along and having to keep it hidden because she still wants this cool thing to be a SURPRISE and yes it will be cool it will be very cool it will be the coolest (it won’t it will probably just end up being “i really like you!” in flashing colors with some rainbbowy stars which is still more than I would know how to do so I don’t think Abigail really needs to worry Caroline will probably think it’s cute but this would be at like the VERY END of the story after all of the WOES).
~introspecton in the woods~
Like, its like when you and your friend say goodbye, but it turns out you are both walking home in the same direction an its super awkward? It’s like that with caroline and abigail. Because they are kind of both fooffling different paths but they are still both going to the same place eentually. So there are times when they end up staying at the same place for the night and they have both pitched their tenst or made their lean tos or whatever like ten feet apart from each other and they are both like glancing distraughtly over to the other person’s camp when they think the other person isnt looking and if they get cought they both just kind of glare at each other for a while. The antagonist is like who are you people.
So then they ALL GET TO THE HAMMER PLACE. THE PLACE WHERE THE HAMMER IS. THE PLACE OF THE HAMMER.
The antaginist is still following then and is still stuck having to listen to all of their teenage drama. They are like, just find the dang hammer already!!! I guess I just like to make my ntagonists suffer.
So they get into the cavern where the hammer SHOULD be if all of their assumtions are correct, and they should really know by now that like NONE of theri assumtions are correct, but like, they missed that particular thought bus. What did I even just say.
and that is when the ansagonists revel themslves!!! And they capture abgail and caroline anf thye like say antagonist things, or I don’t know maybe only one of them does if I am going off of the assumption thhat what we have ehere is an old amatuer witch humter who never got off the superstition train and then a witch who he has kidnapped to help him find witchs and get the hammer, but I should know by not that none of my assumptions ar correct wither. I was not on that thought bus either I guess. What is a thought bus anyway? What is  a superstition train? Things this world has I gguess.
Maybe there’s a note? Maybe there is a fake hammer? Yeah, that might be it. There might eb a totally norman hammer in therw. And everyone is like is that the legendary hammer of the witch? It looks so notman. And then the old dude witch hunter goes and tries to pick it up, and he can and he is like what the heck this is jut a norman halleer.
Good things come in threes. Symbolic and important fantasy things come in threes. Of course there is s third story obviously.
I am tampted to just have they walking hoyse reappear (well, appear, it was only in a side dtoy before) because lets be honest These People Need A Break. But I don’t know that seens like the kind of thing that would be chamed later. MUCH LIKE THIS ENTIRE PLOT.
So they get back to the boston before the antagoinst in thess assumption.
I shouls really stop calling him the antagonist he is the old witch hunter dude, anyway that guy is maybe heading for them because he might have lso figures it out too, that is that they tell hem.
they go ino the basement eell actually its a cellar, they go in there and they solve the clue and get the hammer yay! I mean, when it is an actual scene it is all dramatic and everything but that is not within my capabitities riht now. AS YOU CAN SEE.
Because the old witch hunting dud is already there when they get there. His prisoners are gicing him some trouble because they aer all punk witches. So then abigai does tha hammer thing anf they all go free and hel in ht efight because I guess there is a fight imea n what else a, I  going to do at thins pimt. There is like a HUGE FIGHT and abigail probably couses a problem with the hammer and something else probably burs down but somehow. SOMEHOW. The antagonist cant fight anymore and so is defeated and they decide what to do with him. Actually they can probabl yfind something illegal to get him arrested for. The problem with having humans s your antagonists is if your characters are normal people and this I ssupposed to be a fun adventur story you cant just KILL THEM you have to get creative. That is probaby why that whole thing is going to change later because the situation just doesnt fit woth the problem. Or sthe problem doesnt fit with the tools that characters have to solve it. SOMETHING DOESNT FIT. A problem like this is not a problem you can solve with an overpowered magic hammer an I guess I was already making that the moral of the story but IT DOENT WORK DAMMIR. Whatever. That is how it goes in this version of the stoy. Arggghhhh could I just get to twenty two kay plase.
I am going to say that that is what happened but for the sake of word count let us examine ome other possigigities.
I dont like that I dont knoeien that I what happed. Wow.
actually I like that ending better scratch that other one that I said I liked the best his one os the real ending noe.
the people keeoing it know where it is and they can protet it. Sure.
AND THEN AT SOME INDETERMINATE POINT AFTER THE STORY NOOOOOOOO NO WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE THE BIT WITH THE EMBROIDERY HAPPENS NOW OR MAY BE IT HAPPENS WHEN THEY ARE GOING BACK TO BOSTON. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT WAIT REALLT AFTER WHOEVERS DAUTHR IS FINISHED TALKING SO MAY BE THAT IS WHEN ABIGAIL FINISHES HER EBEOIDERY PROJECT. I MEAN THIS WOUD BE AFTER THEY HAVE TALKED AS MUCH AS THEY NEED TO BECAUSE WOULD IT EVEB MEAN ANYTHIN OTHER WISE NO BUT AFTER THAT ABIGAIL IS LIKE OKAY TO HELL WITH THIS PRETENTIOS HAMMER STUFF WE ATEE BOTH DONE WITH THAT I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT I COULDNT HAVRE DONE THAT ANYWAY BUT I CAN DI THIS and she does th bit with the rainbowy words and stars and caroline is like awwwww!
So them I would need a different endingy endng for th story but you knwo what this is all going to change anyway I dont caaaaaaaaaaare.
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Tell us about your warden? I live and breathe wardens
this is a lil bit old!!! sorry about that but yes lemme tell you about my trash sons
and yes i do say sons because my warden??? is actually 2 wardens. i have duel wardens. i dual wield wardens. i may or may not explain below. altho if imma be real with you anon i have... a warden of literally every single origin. i kid you not. i even have multiple of one origin just because i can. im only gonna answer this for my main two but if you wanna know about the rest lemme know lmfao
so. maeron mahariel ey. thats me boy. my garbage trash boy. i love him so much hes such a terrible garbage boy. 
hes obviously a dalish elf because thats my favorite origin out of any of them tbh its just... the best in my opinion. hes like... really sarcastic and doesnt take anyones shit? hes also apparently extremely charismatic because literally every romance option in the game fell in love with him (even alistair!!!! my game fuckin glitched and he kept calling maeron his love!!!! what the fuck!!!! this guy sucks how do they all love him!!!!) 
he likes to joke around and just wreck shit up, but hes honestly a good person deep down. hes just got a kinda prickly exterior a tiny bit like fenris does? not too similar tho. he has a lot of snark and a lot of sass up his sleeve and will not take any shit from any shem and will take literally every single possible opprotunity to piss off the chantry to piss off the chantry. hence why he poisons the ashes of andraste. he literally chose the party that would be the most “i dont care about andraste” to andrastes ashes so that no one would be overly disapproving or shocked when he poisoned the ashes. like he literally heard the option and went “oh shit wait i can do that??? fuck. damn. oh thatll piss em off. thatll show em. fuck yall. aight hold on lets reevaluate who im bringing with me lets swing back to camp---”
maeron is just... hes all over the place. he loves his two boyfriends ok he loves both zevran and my other warden, bandon surana, who is the second warden i know imma talk about. like i said i dual wield wardens. anyway hes a really considerate lover, although he does love to tease. hes a hopeless romantic in his own very passive way, and hes very loyal. in fact hes loyal to his friends too. hes just loyal in general. even the wardens, however much he despised them at first for forcing him among their ranks when he was honestly begging to stay with his clan whether he would die in their care or not. 
speaking of that he put up. such a fuckin fight with duncan from the moment he truly met that man. he was ready to literally fight duncan for telling him tamlen was dead, he refused to believe it, and he was so fuckin angry at him for telling him its useless to look for him anymore. and THEN this VERY SAME SHEM tell hims that hes gonna be forced to be a part of some order he barely remembers shit about, which he is 1000% sure is gonna be mostly human, and he is pissed as hell. his life is his clan, his home is with his clan, hed be leaving everything he ever knew and he wanted nothing to do with that. he yelled so many curses at duncan, he insulted him so much, and yet duncan liked his fire. liked his determination and his spirit and his resilience and put the right of conscription on him. he didnt forgive duncan until right after the battle at ostagar. he was so cold and hostile towards duncan, he barely ever spoke a word of common to him. it was all elven. he spoke common when necessary, like when he first met alistair, or when he insulted the chantry woman who tried to give him an andrastian blessing. he never let people forget he was dalish. he proudly wore his vallaslin around and made sure no one forgot that a dalish was among their ranks, and that he was an elf that was to be respected, not looked down upon unless you were ready to face the consequences of that. 
he immediately took a liking to alistair because of how he sassed the circle mage. he likes that. he liked the sass. he is also a sassy boy so he was like “yes. mutual sass.” and just really likes the guy. they hit it off really well really quick. alistair noticed his vallaslin and mentioned another warden from his joining had vallaslin as well, but didnt say much other than that. that kinda haunted maeron for a bit like holy shit another dalish what but he didnt really show it. cause at the time they were heading back to duncan and then they were gonna go into the wilds and blah blah blah and then like
my other boy comes in cause like bear with me here theres a reason my other boy is in the same canon here
bandon surana was assigned to go with alistair as well, because while he wasnt the junior recruit, hes a spirit healer (as well as a dreamer, but thats not as important) and a very strong one at that. he was originally from maerons clan, the first of it in fact. he was very happy and proud of being first. not only was he first, tho, but he was maeron and tamlens best friend as well. like they were an unstoppable trio, even if bandon was super busy with studies a lot. they always kept him company and found some way to let him have fun and have a laugh. but drunk templars stumbled upon their camp one night and attacked them. they were easily overwhelmed by the clan, but not before they got young bandon and took him away to kinloch hold. in my restructuring of the timeline cause fuck you bioware it doesnt make sense for so much of this weird shit to happen at the same time spread it out a bit if you dont pick the certain origin, bandon escaped from the circle alongside jowan like a year and a half prior to the events of da:o. i imagine bandon and jowan kept pretty close for a while until bandon split upon hearing words of a dalish clan nearby and wanting to go back to something familiar that he missed a lot. he actually stumbled upon the dalish clan zathrian was in charge of, and zathrian took him in. zathrian really really liked bandon, said he reminded him of his son. bandon was quite close to zathrian because of this. he also got his vallaslin from this clan, which made him quite happy despite it not being his original clan. when the werewolves attacked, however, and the curse started to spread, bandon became curious and tried to question zathrian and get to the root of the problem, but zathrian would not give him the details he needed. 
so bandon, determined to find some way to help, decided to take off from the clan and try and get outsiders to assist. he ran into duncan, who was bringing alistair back from the monastery. he approached them very cautiously and introduced himself, and he struck up idle conversation with them for a minute to try and ease into his point, but he was cut off when they were ambushed. it was in that fight that bandon proved himself a strong fighter, healer, and a very smart and strategic mage. he very easily slid from using magic to using his staff for up close attack, not being put off guard by anything, and duncan was really impressed. he let bandon come along with them to talk to him more, get to know the man he was. after talking with him, it was set in stone for duncan that, yea, this boy was definitely also grey warden material and he should be recruited. so bandon was in the same joining as alistair, and bandon never REALLY forgot the danger his new clan was in, but he knew that it wouldnt matter anymore if the blight got them. 
so when duncan brings back maeron, who is still tainted and risks getting weak and sick out in the wilds, he sends bandon out with them, as not only is he a very very very powerful mage and healer, but hes also dalish and never stopped studying the old ways, not matter where he was taken, and he knows the magic the keeper used to stabalize maeron back at their clan. so he sent out the traditional junior warden aka alistair but also an extra warden whose only REAL job was to make sure maeron didnt die from the blight instead of in battle. 
maeron was literally... so overjoyed to see him. he never thought hed see bandon again and bandon was shocked to see maeron. bandon literally just dropped his staff and had to do a double take and maeron fuckin sprinted over to him and hugged him really tightly, picking him up off the ground and spinning him around and bandon just laughed and was the happiest guy on earth cause holy shit his best friend what are the fuckin odds!!! it was great they were both so happy and duncan was happy to finally see maeron happy about something here. 
so yea i have 2 wardens here. and its important really to mention that cause like the reason i put them together is because of how i wanted my end to go??? like tbh i have ALL my wardens in the same worldstate, because thats how i roll, but when its just the two of them like... yea. 
maeron is my big guy throughout the whole thing. bandon lived through it because he wasnt too far on the front lines since he was a mage and he managed to get out of ostagar with a bunch of other people retreating. they pick him up where you pick up the dog. you get both a dog and a boy in this situation. so hes more of a companion than anything. him and maeron get together first, and then they both fall for zevran and zevran falls for the both of them, and they get in a polyamory. its wonderful and great and they love each other a lot. but then the final battle happens 
maeron decides hes gonna be the one to kill the archdemon, since he put alistair as the sole ruler of the throne and no one wants the king to die, so he was like ill die its fine. and that was the plan. everyone said their goodbyes to maeron like maeron was going to go... except for bandon. bandon seemed pretty confident it would all be ok. it made maeron worried, but he put it aside because he was trying to accept the fact he was going to be dying soon. 
so they fight the archdemon. maeron brings alistair, zevran, morrigan, and bandon. theyre all fighting its going great, and maeron sees the opening to kill the archdemon and is like “im gonna go in!!! time to end this!!!”
and then bandon just grabs his wrist and yanks him into a kiss, and takes his face in his hands and tells him that hes got so much to live for so much left to do and so many people left to sass and that it wouldnt be fair if bandon let him make the sacrifice. he told him he loved him in elven of course, then let him go and ran to zevran, kissing him as well and telling him a goodbye and that he loved him, then ran to the archdemon to kill it. maeron and zevran went fuckin ballistic, trying to go after him and grab him because this wasnt the plan this wasnt what was supposed to happen this wasnt right this was all wrong but bandon made the ultimate sacrifice in the end, and literally everyone was shocked. no one could really believe that just fuckin happened, even though they had all noticed bandons hesitance at accepting the plan, and they had all noticed how overly chill he was when saying goodbye to maeron. they all felt like they should have expected it, but it hit them like a ton of bricks. 
in my canon with ALL of my wardens tho, basically the same thing happens, except one of my 3 cousland siblings did the ritual with morrigan behind everyones back, because he was romantically involved with her and she asked him to do it and he was like yea i dont want anyone to die lmao. so the exact same shit happens except bandon fuckin lives and everyone is like whAT THE FUCK 1) HOW IS HE ALIVE AND 2) BANDON WHAT THE HELL WHY DID YOU DO THAT
and then everette (my cousland) was like “oh who o ps i.... i forgot to mention the ritual i did with morrigan huh oopsie” and then that just... goes down as the biggest scare in literally all of their lives everyone who was up there fighting aside from morrigan and everette were like thanks for scarring us for life i love it we though we lost the person we werent supposed to lose and you hid the very important detail that he would live from us so yikes my man
but yea i think.... ive rambled enough... about my wardens for now i love them a lot and im very willing to talk about them more if you have any specific questions or wanna hear about any others but for now i think i need to stop ive written so fuckin much holy shit im so sorry
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