#cas i could never forgive you for what you did to jimmy

[virtu4l-di4ry]

i think a lot about claire. i imagine she’s gone out to eat with cas and the guys. she almost called out dad when she spots cas in the diner. or she glance over at him too quickly and sees a glimpse of her dad. or she’ll notice the way cas pours the milk in his coffee in a spiral motion like her dad used to as he’s talking to her.

she probably gets stuck in the motion while everyone else continues catching up. a ghost of jimmy lives inside of cas and claire is the only one to mourn him.

#cas i could never forgive you for what you did to jimmy #claire novak #jimmy novak #castiel #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #me yapping #god i love angst

[thebloggerbloggerfun]

@jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time @katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

LINK

Thanks for letting me write this, guys!!

AO3  (2.1k)

The thing about Heaven was that it was whatever you wanted it to be, and most of its residents wanted it to be familiar.

Technically, Dean didn’t need to fill his car up on gas anymore, but there was still a gas station just down the street from where his new home was placed. He didn’t need to sleep, but he still had a large king-sized bed he made sure to make use of at least once a day. He didn’t need to eat, but there was a thriving supermarket that catered to whatever he was feeling like eating and always boasted the freshest ingredients for when he wanted to get a little fancy with his cooking.

Like today, for example.

Bobby had said he doubted Dean could make a proper souffle, so obviously Dean had to make the old man eat his words - and a souffle.

Dean stared at all of the different options of eggs, trying to decide if “free-range” vs. “organic” actually meant anything in Heaven, or if it was just meant to give him some sort of familiarity.

He grabbed the “free-range” option and moved on to the dairy.

There was movement out of the corner of his eye in the meat section across the way, and the way his heart stopped in his chest when he turned to look would have killed him if he wasn’t already dead.

It was Cas.

Cas, who Dean had spent every day thinking about since he’d left. Cas, who Dean had been trying to find ever since Bobby told him he was still around. Cas, who Dean still had unfinished business with.

He’d spend hours in bed, staring at the ceiling of his room and rehearsing just what he’d say when he saw him again, but in those scenarios Cas had shown up on his doorstep or in the passenger seat of his car where they could have a moment to just be .

He’d never been buying hamburger meat.

Dean rushed forward, cart forgotten, and skidded to a halt in front of Cas, just as he looked up in surprise.

“I love you -” Dean said in a rush, heart pounding, head reeling, “Of course I love you. You’re - fuck - you’re everything I could ever want and I’m - I’m so damn sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t have me, too.”

Cas blinked at him, and it was in that moment Dean realized something was wrong.

His expression, his hair, the way he moved, the way he was dressed - all of it was wrong.

None of it was Cas, he’d just been too overwhelmed to see it.

“Oh, uh... hey Dean,” Not-Cas said, and finished putting his selected meat in his basket, “I didn’t didn’t know that you died. Um, if you’re looking for Castiel -“

Dean turned and ran out of the store.

*

What were the fucking chances that in all of Heaven, he and Cas’s old vessel were neighbors?

Dean gunned the gas pedal on his car as he drove endlessly, trying to walk himself through what exactly had happened the day before.

Jimmy Novak was here.

Jimmy Novak who - last Dean checked - hated him.

Dean had just spewed his feelings all over him without even thinking about the possibility that he wasn’t Cas. He’d been wearing a sweater vest for crying out loud - but he was willing to forgive himself for that one because he didn’t really know how Cas would dress if he had the choice.

His hopes had soared so high when he’d seen the familiar figure, only to be dashed the moment Jimmy had opened his mouth. They sounded absolutely nothing alike - and Dean yearned for the deep gravel of Castiel’s greeting.

Dean’s grip on the wheel tightened.

Where was Cas?

Didn’t he know that there was nothing keeping them apart now?

In what could only be an act of fate smiling down on him, Dean zoomed around a corner near the Heavenly library, and instantly had to stomp on the brakes of the Impala as a trenchcoat-clad figure stepped into the previously empty crosswalk.

Old habits die hard - Dean was still going to brake for Heavenly pedestrians, especially ones that looked like Cas.

Cas turned to look at him, eyes wide, and Dean shoved the driver’s side door open in a panic. The trench coat was unmistakable this time.

“Cas! Cas - don’t go okay? I gotta -“

Cas shook his head sharply and let out a breath.

“No - Jesus Christ - it’s still me, you idiot.”

Dean gaped at him as his brain tried to catch up with the conflicting bits of information it was processing.

“...what?” He heard himself saying.

Had he just wanted it to be Cas so bad that he’d ignored all the signs?

Jimmy gestured at himself like it was enough of an explanation.

“Uh. Yeah.”

“But - but you’re wearing his trenchcoat! ” Dean said, waved at it like maybe Jimmy hadn’t realized he was walking around as the mockery of the angel who’d once shared a living space with him.

Jimmy placed an affronted hand on his own chest.

“It was my trenchcoat!”

Frustration boiled inside of him and Dean quickly slid back into the car and slammed the door shut behind him.

He sped off, once again running from what could have been.

*

Dean was sulking under a pile of blankets in his bed when there was a knock at his door.

He ignored it.

After a few moments of silence, the knocking came again, louder and more insistent this time.

Grumbling to himself, Dean threw the blankets off and trudged down the stairs, flinging open the door with a scowl.

A person with nearly combed hair was standing on the doorstep holding a six-pack of beer in one hand and had a sticker on his shirt that said, ‘Hello, my name is Jimmy’.

“Very funny.” Dean said flatly.

“It’s not funny. It’s just in case you try to kiss me or something.” Jimmy held up the six-pack expectantly. “Can I come in?”

Dean didn’t appreciate the ribbing, but he didn’t mind the beer.

And after accosting him twice he might as well let the guy do what he wanted.

“Yeah, whatever.” Dean grumbled and left the door open as he walked back inside and flopped onto his couch. “Why are you here? Don’t you hate me?”

Jimmy hummed as he set the beer down on the coffee table and took a seat opposite Dean.

“I don’t not hate you.” He said with a shrug. “But last time we talked you were trying to convince me to chain myself to a comet again and I can’t say I appreciated it.”

Dean grunted in acknowledgment.

“I’ve been in heaven for a while now. It’s nice here. I take a yoga class with my wife.” Jimmy smiled at him. “I think I’m in a much better mental space now to consider liking you, especially if we’re going to be neighbors.”

Dean winced.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to like Jimmy, it was just… that was Cas’s face. It wasn’t , but it was. Was he really going to have to be constantly taunted with it?

“Look man - I’m sorry about - you know. That.” Dean waved a hand in the air generally. “But you don’t have to do all this. I’ll stop harassing you.”

“That would be nice,” Jimmy said, opening one of the cans and taking a swig, “So, considering the things you’ve said to me, I take it he finally told you he loved you?”

Dean paused, still raw every time he thought about it.

“You knew?”

Jimmy smirked.

“That angel’s love for you permeated both of our beings so potently I’m amazed I don’t love you.” Jimmy said, like it was the kind of fact you could drop casually. “Though even I will admit, as a happily married heterosexual man, that having a man as handsome as you proclaim your love to me in the middle of a grocery store was very exciting.”

Dean dropped his head into his hands and groaned loudly.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Jimmy said, “That first one was pretty good. I’m sure he’s going to love it.”

“He’s never gonna hear it.” Dean muttered.

“Sure he will. You’ve already practiced it twice.”

“I can’t find him!” Dean said, and looked back up, “He’s here somewhere, and I can’t find him. It’s killing me.”

Jimmy held out a beer can.

“Good thing you’re already dead.”

Begrudgingly, Dean accepted the beer and opened it.

“I just. . . I just wanna see him again.” Dean took a long drink. “I want to talk to him. Tell him everything. Share everything. If he wants that.”

Dean let out a long breath, expecting Jimmy to interject with a quip.

He looked over at him when nothing happened, and Jimmy was smiling at him in a way that Dean could only describe as ‘fond’.

“What?” Dean said, indignantly.

“Nothing.” Jimmy said innocently. “You’re just not what I expected.”

Dean looked away.

“Anyway, you asked why I’m here,” Jimmy took another drink, “I’ve seen Castiel.”

“What?” Dean jumped to his feet, beer can dropped to the floor and forgotten about. “Why didn’t you lead with that?”

“I’m an enigma,” Jimmy shrugged a shoulder and leaned back against the plush chair, “Anyway, I wanted to let you know as someone who has literally been in Castiel’s head - I'm pretty sure I know the reason he’s not showing himself to you.”

“Well, fucking spill.”

Jimmy paused.

“Why do you love him?”

Of all the things Dean had been expecting Jimmy to say - this wasn’t it.

Dean sat back down.

“Why?” He asked, a little breathless. “Why does it matter?”

Jimmy shrugged again.

“I guess -” Dean said, trying to unspool his emotions from the knot they’d made in his heart, “He’s - he’s Cas. He cares . . . so much about everyone and - and he’s selfless and kind and he fucking saved me in more ways than just one. He’s always been there for me and Sam and he’s just… he’s just. He’s just good . I’ll never deserve him, but I want to try.”

Dean sucked in a deep breath.

“He pulls me away from the edge, man. I just love him.”

Jimmy nodded once, set down his beer can, and in a bizarre turn of events, began yelling at Dean’s ceiling.

“Did you hear that, Castiel? Not one goddamn thing about how you look! Nothing about me or my vessel!”

Dean stared, dumbfounded.

“Wh-”

“He doesn’t care what you look like! Can you please just come talk to him so I can stop playing marriage counselor for you two?”

Care how he - what?  

What was happening?

Before Dean could fully compile all of the new information, there was a hesitant knock at the front door.

Dean whipped his head towards Jimmy, who was smiling in satisfaction.

Nearly tripping over himself, Dean rushed to the door faster than he’d rushed towards anything in his life, and swung it open.

In front of him was the wavelength of celestial intent that Dean had always known existed inside of the vessel of Jimmy Novak - the glint of angelic creation he’d caught glimpses of in the glow of his eyes and in his healing touch. The being was massive and stretched high into the sky with what was (maybe three? four??) pairs of wings scraping the clouds even further above everything. He was flaming rings and rotating divine faces that Dean could barely comprehend - he was raw power and all-knowing eyes.

On the front of his form was a sticker that read, ‘Hello, my name is Castiel’.  

“. . . Hello Dean.” The voice rumbled through the air like thunder.

“Cas?” Dean said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I - yes. I’m sorry. I lost my vessel to the Empty - this was the only way -”

“I love you, too.”

The rotating faces on the form towering above him froze in place.

“I do! I love you, Cas. Okay? You didn’t let me say it back before - and if I’ve ever made you feel like I couldn’t love you back, I’m so fucking sorry. You deserve better.”

“. . . you love me?”

Dean nodded, his heart clenching at the disbelief he could hear in Cas’s voice.

“ Even as this?”

“You’ve always been this.” Dean swallowed. “I fell in love with the angel, not the vessel.”

“Dean. . .”

Dean smiled up at him in understanding.

“Just a shame that we’ll have to get a bigger house.”

“Oh I can -”

And as Dean looked on, Castiel began to shrink. The form didn’t change - he was still as striking as he’d been the first time with his wings and halos and faces still firmly in place - but he was now maybe one foot taller than Dean instead of one hundred.

“- make myself more manageable.”

Dean grinned and took a step forward, giddy and thrilled that this was finally, actually happening

He reached up, resting a hand on one of the divine faces.

“Bite-sized.” He murmured fondly.

Jimmy’s voice cut through the moment from somewhere behind them.

“Just so you two know - I. Am. Moving!”

#spn #destiel #destiel ficlet #spn coda #jimmy novak #akasdflks I barely know what this is guys I'm sorry #sometimes I write

[therealvinelle]

Thoughts on destiel?

Oh boy.

I have thoughts on this, a multi-part fuck-off sized meta level thoughts on this, but as it happens my past self has done me a huge favor on this one.

Devoted followers of this blog will remember the Muffin and I made our own TV tropes. This is not a tropes dictionary we'll ever publish in full, so don't ask, but every so often an ask hits just right (like when we have to justify "Aro is Charlie Kelly") and there's nothing to it but to publish an entry.

And it so happens that I made a Destiel entry some time ago. Note before you read this, the structure of these tropes is that we include definitions of what the trope is (sometimes there are several meanings, hence the enumeration), as well as an explanation of what the trope even is.

Keep in mind that this was never meant to be published, it was meant for our eyes only. But hey, you asked and this saves me time.

Also, yes I know all of this is fucking weird.

Edit: another important note, I stopped watching in early season 9 and really only consider the first five seasons canon. This is in large parts because the show just failed to do anything at all that I enjoyed after that, and several things the show did, like “oh season 4 wasn’t anything special for Cas, he actually rebels all the time lol. CRACK IN HIS CHASSIS”, made it impossible for me to enjoy the show. It’s just easier to make the cutoff at the Kripke era while things still pretend to mean anything.

Destiel

/dəstɪel/;

1

Noun

A nonexistent ship. A Destiel ship is when the fandom ships Character A with Sexy Lamp B. The Destiel ship is past incompatible, because you could still get relationship angst and in turn a ship out of incompatibility. The Destiel ship is nonexistent because one half of the ship is of a nature that means he cannot meaningfully be in a romantic relationship with anybody, regardless of how much character development he goes through or even how much love there may be between him and character A. Originating from Supernatural, a TV series whose fans came to passionately ship one of the show’s main characters, Dean Winchester, with the angel Castiel. Dean Winchester is a womanizing redneck dudebro with daddy issues. Castiel is a multi-dimensional celestial entity created to fulfill God’s Will. Castiel is not boyfriend material. Not to be confused with Anna/Elsa or Christine/Erik.

Lily/Rabbit is a Destiel ship.

Steven Universe is full of Destiel ships.

2

Destiel, the abbreviation of Dean Winchester/Castiel, is the insanely popular slash ship that rose up in the Supernatural fandom in the show’s fourth season, when the character Castiel was introduced. Originally a Honey Maren ship, the ship has since grown to quite possibly have the most notable fandom on the internet. Notable is really the only word for it, these people invented ABO, ruled supreme on social media for years, and in many ways made Supernatural’s reputation what it is today. Their impact on fanfiction and slash culture is immense. Unfortunately, the ship is the worst. On a very fundamental level, Dean does not understand what Castiel is, and he never truly forgives him for being a supernatural creature. When he tries to bond with him, it’s over human things Castiel has no understanding of, which in turn only serves to highlight how lonely Dean is, that the closest thing he has to a friend is a celestial entity he doesn’t begin to understand. Castiel, on his end, loves Dean, but in the way of angels. He loves all of God’s creations, some more than others but still not in a carnal way. He’s a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, he feels no hunger, thirst, pain, or pleasure (or if he does then it’s usually a sign something is extremely wrong and he’ll spend the episode whining about it). The one time he does experience temptation, he’s not actually experiencing his own temptation, it’s Jimmy Novak’s consciousness giving him trouble. Angels don’t feel emotions the way humans do, what they have seems to be a different concept altogether. There’s also the fact that Castiel can’t walk the Earth in his true form, so he must possess the form of Jimmy Novak if he wants screentime. Jimmy Novak is not happy about this, he at first didn’t understand what he was saying yes to then was later coerced with the threat of certain death and his daughter’s endless torment if he didn’t let Castiel possess him. If Dean and Castiel are somehow having sex, they’re raping Jimmy Novak. Lastly, the relationship is quite toxic, as Dean is a toxic person, and his relationship with Castiel is no exception. In short, Destiel is a horrifying, impossible ship that hinges on Castiel looking upon his Father’s creation and saying “I want to stick Jimmy Novak’s dick in that.”, Dean raping a vessel after spending his life freeing people like Jimmy, and sexual love between a human and a divine entity being feasible.

#supernatural #castiel/dean winchester #anti castiel/dean winchester #supernatural meta #anti supernatural #supernatural angels #castiel #dean winchester

[deans-haunted-baby]

I know this might be unpopular but...

*WARNING: Don’t read if you love the Winchesters to a fault* I’m hardcore protective of Dadstiel and I need to vent about this.

I’ll never get over the fact that Castiel, for THREE SEASONS, had to stand by idlily and watch his two best friends steal his son’s affections. That he actually had to compete for Jack’s love and respect. That he had to listen to Jack put Sam and Dean on a pedestal, idolize them and take their last name when Castiel sacrificed so much to protect Jack. That his son verbally expressed fear of losing just Sam and Dean when Castiel had made a deal with the Empty which would tear him away from Jack forever. That he was mentioned as the “THIRD DAD” every single time when Jack had chosen HIM to be his father. 

That the Winchesters got to be there for Castiel’s son first because Lucifer had killed him. And that they got to celebrate Jack’s 3rd birthday and other holidays but not Castiel. That Sam got the “father” and “I love you” from Jack but Castiel never did when Sam admitted that he wanted Jack dead. That behind Castiel’s back Dean, after three years, still didn’t consider Jack “family” which didn’t stop his son from loving him; and he has no idea of all the other times Dean was awful to his kid because Sam (who’d witnessed most of it) never said a word. The Winchesters tricked and locked his 2-year-old son in a fucking coffin in 14x19 and tried to kill him in 14x20 which Castiel was extremely upset about; then his anger towards them suddenly vanishes in season 15? When the Hell did he forgive them for any of this?

And lastly I’ll never forget how Jack became so suicidal over what he’d done to Mary, that he was willing to die for the Winchesters to prove something to them; and Castiel wasn’t even allowed to be upset about it. Sam didn’t even comfort Jack after he’d got his soul back and both him and Dean just left him to his depression in his room. I’m even pissed off that this show used characters like Gabriel, Donatello and Rowena to give all the “good parenting” credit of Jack to the Winchesters solely; yah that still has me fuming. Castiel had to play third wheel to the My Three Dads venture. Absent out of episodes for zero reason and kept apart from Jack for long periods of time only for all of this to end with him dying before getting to say “goodbye” to his son and Jack walking away from Sam and Dean forever so he could take over as God.

Listen I love TFW 2.0 I always will but Castiel suffered so much because of that storyline. I have no doubt he appreciated all the good things Sam and Dean have done for Jack in his absence and then some; he loves them both. BUT re-watching these last three seasons (namely seasons 13&14) its hard not to notice how much pain this caused Castiel. The angel who finally found his propose through loving the Devil’s spawn just to play second fiddle to his human companions unknowingly overstepping their bounds. 

Misha conveys Castiel’s sadness so subtly well in these final three seasons that it really bothered me to tears. Just watch 14x02 and really listen to his conversations with Jack and Nick in that episode. First there’s the bittersweet heart-to-heart between Jack and Castiel in the Study where he talks about losing part of himself after the Great Fall and referring to Sam and Dean as a crutch for getting through his depression (which was a lie btw) along with himself. Then there’s the scene where Nick accuses Castiel of being a cold-blooded body-snatcher which Castiel responds with Jimmy Novak being his greatest regret. This character had so much low-self esteem and it wasn’t ever dealt with.

Yah I’m getting emo over this angel right now can’t help it. Anyway my point is it was a mistake of the writers to make Castiel seem less important to Jack compared to Sam and Dean. There is no comparison. Castiel has, does and will always love Jack unconditionally. He will always choose him first over anyone else because that is his son period. 

Edit: I want to add that NOBODY even asks Cas how he’s doing BOTH TIMES that he’s grieving Jack’s death (nor do they mourn that kid in season 15). Sam and Dean do not give a shit, it never comes up. There’s actually a scene in 14x07 where Cas pauses. before leaving to see Sergei, thinking Sam was going to offer him the same amount of comfort that he’d shown him and Dean. But it doesn’t happen. Instead Sam’s more concerned if Cas should see this Russian dude alone *DERP*. They were shitty friends. 

#castiel #Jack Kline #dadstiel #supernatural #SPN #spn critical #anti winchesters #castiel x jack #jack x castiel #sorry but i'll never be over this #yah i'm very salty today now that everything about this show is over #spn rant #castiel deserves better #dadstiel deserves better #castiel defense squad #and yes i know the winchesters on the main characters

[apatheticanvas67482]

Even When You Hide

Happy @starrynightdeancas​ celebration day to @firefly124​! I got really busy over the last couple of weeks, so its not as good as I wanted it to be for you, but I hope you like it anyways. (also I had to abandon my sketches and normal art style today due to technical difficulties, so the art is a bit rubbish, sorry, if i get round to finishing the other one in my normal style when i get home to my computers, I will send it your way) BUT ANYWAYS I hope you love it (the fic not the art, hides) and I think Sophie is the dopest for putting this whole thing together.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Castiel

Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss

Based: Somewhere after 10.03, when Crowley give Cas grace and Dean is cured of Demon-ness, and 10.18, when Cas gets his grace back. I did not mention the Mark of Cain though. 

Song: I See You - Missio

Word count: 2.2K

I see you when you're down And depressed, just a mess I see you when you cry When you're shy When you want to die I see you when you smile It takes a while At least you're here I see you

It had been 25 minutes since Dean had sent Cas to pick out the paint for his room. He put down all the sheets and lined the sockets and skirting boards with tape and was now sitting at the foot of the bed, tapping his foot to a silent beat.

Dean hadn’t known what to get the angel from the store so there were currently 12 pots of paint, all different colours, sitting on shelves in the garage. He chewed on the inside of his cheek absentmindedly, picturing the scrunch of Cas’ eyebrows and the tilt of Cas’ head as he scowled at the cans.

‘Dean. What does it matter if the room is winter blue or baby blue?’ Dean could almost hear him ask it - the gravel of Cas’ voice rumbled in the back of his mind. Dean shook his head, smiling, and headed to see what the hold-up was.

What he found was a mess.

“Fuck. Shit!” Pots of paint were scattered across the room. Most were broken open, stripes of paint led away from a large metal cabinet that had toppled over onto the Impala and cast the tins in all directions.

“Cas!”

Dean ran forward, holding his breath. The cabinet had smashed right through Baby’s windshield, fracture lines spanned what was left leaving chunks of glass suspended in the laminated frame. The bonnet had been completely crushed, practically folded in half, and the corners had torn into the paintwork. Dean would be seething except he couldn’t breathe. He threw his weight behind his shoulder, forcing it under the shelves and straining until black dots danced in his vision.

“Cas!” Dean collapsed, his efforts futile. “Cas! Where the hell are you?!”

And then he heard it – the quick and broken, but quiet sobs of an angel. Dean whirled around o fast his neck cracked and then he crawled, actually crawled on his hands and knees, towards the sound.

Behind the impala, Cas was perched on the balls of his feet with his trench coat pooling around him. Dean had never seen him cry before, not like this. There was a streak of paint that ran from just under his left eye to the corner of his mouth. Where his tear tracks converged with it, the drops turned blue and fell to the ground like grace. Dean watched, transfixed for a moment, before scrambling closer.

“Cas.” Dean’s voice louder than he meant it, startled Cas out of his fugue state. His hands, which had been moving, stilled instantly as he looked back at Dean with wide shiny eyes.

“I don’t want to go, Dean.” The cracks in Cas’ voice tugged at Dean’s soul. He didn’t understand.

Dean shook his head. “What?”

Cas’s eyes only grew larger as the hunter reached out, “Dean, please don’t make me go.” His arm hung in the air, terrified of doing the wrong thing. He knew Cas couldn’t fly anymore but it had never stopped feeling as though their conversations were timed, except Dean couldn’t see the numbers on the clock. He was always waiting for Cas to vanish. “I want to stay.”

Bile rose in the back of Dean’s throat and his hand dropped like dead weight between them as he realised what Cas was saying, what he was thinking. He thought back to months before. ‘You can’t stay.’ He’d said, the same bile rising in his throat as now. He looked at Cas in his human clothes, that goddamn hoodie., and watched as Cas’ heart broke. Watched as the hurt played openly on his features, defences down. And then, he’d looked away. Dean remembers looking anywhere but into his best friend’s eyes, knowing that if he did his resolve would surely crumble. Now, all he wanted was for Cas to look at him, but the angel had gone from a deer in the headlights to refusing to lift his head higher than his shoulders.

“I can fix it, I promise.” Cas’s hands started moving again. His fingers shook as he tried to slot several pieces of broken glass back together. Small cuts littered his palms, bleeding freely as Cas worked.

“Cas. Cas, why-” Dean swallowed around the lump of panic still tuck in his throat, “Why aren’t you healing? Is it the grace? Is it failing?” His hands had found there way between them again. They hovered uselessly over Cas’ own. Cas was shaking his head, but Dean wasn’t sure if it was in answer to his question.

“Cas?” Dean didn’t know what to do, until he did. Taking a shaky breath, he allowed his panic to consume him for one second more before he tabled it.

“Cas,” His voice was gentle but solid, “Cas, stop it. Please,” - Dean stilled Cas’ hands with his own. He turned them palm up and, careful not to catch any of the cuts, unfurled the angel’s trembling fingers with is thumb – “Just stop.”

Cas was still refusing to meet his eyes, but he’d stopped shaking his head. He stared down at the pieces of glass and Dean followed his gaze. He recognised them as the broken remains of a small glass statue of an angel. Sammy had presented the thing to a few years ago after he’d nabbed it from some rogue crossroad demon’s second-hand shop to bully Dean with. ‘A guardian angel to save me from your moping when Cas is away,’ Sam had said, and Dean had shoved it deep down inside Baby’s trunk. That was until they moved into the bunker and Dean had felt some strange compulsion to place the glass angel atop the recently toppled shelves. Cas had been there, tilting his head at him. ‘Present from Sam,’ He’d practically growled before running away.

“Hey,” One of Dean’s hands left Cas’ in favour of poking him gently in the cheek. Cas jerked backwards slightly, finally meeting Dean’s eyes. He was still crying but less so. Dean nodded, “I need you to listen to me. You. Are. Not. Going. Anywhere. Ever. Again.” He waved his free hand at the mess around him. “All this, none of it matters,” Dean moved his other thumb in circles, steeling himself. This moment is what all his years watching chick flicks in secrecy had been preparing him for. “You, Cas, are what matters. To me.”

Dean held his breath for one, two, three seconds. Cas hiccoughed, blinking one, two, three times as the last of his tears fell from his cheeks.

“Why aren’t you healing?” Dean whispered into the space between them, a little afraid of anything louder.

“I didn’t want to waste m…” Cas looked lost, “It.” Dean waited.

“When Metatron took my grace from me, he left me human. Except I’m not human. Jimmy though, Jimmy was human, fragile. Without my powers, I’m,” Cas struggled with his words, he looked away. “I’m a baby in a trench coat.” Fuck. “I am nothing. And I can’t go back to that. I can’t keep steeling my kin’s grace from them, reducing them as I have been reduced. I can’t.” He dropped his head to his chest once more. “But I also don’t want to die.

“Castiel.” Dean swerved back into Cas’ eyeline as he spoke, “You are not nothing,” Cas stared at him, not believing.

“You are not human. You’re not Jimmy. But you’re not your grace either.” Dean was going to make him understand how wrong he’d been sitting in Eve’s diner. “You’re not your vessel and you’re not your powers. When I look at you-” The hunter swallowed, “When I look at you, I just see… you. I see you, Cas.”

He looked down at their hands, feeling dizzy. He couldn’t believe how mushy he was being or how much he didn’t mind. He felt like Colin Firth. “As for the rest of it, we’ll figure it out. We always do. The grace situation… Well,” Dean smiled, small. “We’ll make it up as we go.” Dean lifted Cas’s hands to his lips and pressed a kiss into a single cut. After a moment, grace began to shine beneath the skin and the wounds pulled themselves closed.  Beaming now, he leant back and ran his thumb over the soft new skin, turning their hands so their finger interlocked.

“Dean, I-”

“I made a mistake,” Dean interrupted, “I have made so many mistakes. But, kicking you out like has to be one of the worst. No explanation, no assistance, no nothing. It’s the wrongest I’ve ever been in my life. Gadreel gave me an ultimatum but that’s not an excuse. Doesn’t even come close to justifying what I did. I should’ve told you what was going on. Maybe if I had tried, for even a second, to communicate, we could have avoided a lot of pain. I should’ve – I should’ve done a lot. But I didn’t, and that wasn’t good enough.’

“Dean, it’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not.” Dean broke eye contact then.

“Okay, well” Cas squeezed his hands, “I forgive you then. How’s that?”

Dean huffed out half a laugh. His next words caught in throat as he looked back at Cas. He was so close to him. Dean supposed he always was. Dean’s eyes caught on Cas’ mouth where he had worried at his bottom lip. It was red and sore and wasn’t healing. Before Dean knew what he was doing, he was tipping forward, eye slipping shut. When they met in the middle, he barely felt it. He touched his lips to Cas’ like he had to his hands, his heart pounding against the inside of his ribcage. Dean didn’t realise he hadn’t been breathing until Cas’s lips moved against his own and he gasped for air. He leant against Cas’s forehead breathing far too heavily for such a chaste moment. They sat there just breathing in each other’s air for one, two, three seconds. Then Dean surged forwards, pushing of his feet so he was kneeling up over Cas. He dropped the angel’s hands in favour of holding his head in his own, pressing desperate kiss after desperate kiss to Cas’s mouth. Cas leant backwards under him as they kissed, moulding to fit the curve of his body. His dropped hands had twisted their way into Dean’s flannel, pulling him closer.

As Dean’s lungs screamed for breath, he pulled slowly away. Cas’ head dropped to rest against his sternum and Dean allowed himself to bury his face in his hair. His hands had settled at the base of Cas’ neck and began tracing nonsensical patterns into the skin there.

“C’mon,” He leant back and pulled Cas with him. Leading him by hand past the impala and a few scattered paint cans. He stopped by one - one of the only ones not broken open - and leant down to pick it up. ‘Dusty Cyan’. Perfect. He tucked it under his arm, and flashed Cas a smile.

I'm alone with you You're alone with me What a mess you've made of everything

I'm alone with you You're alone with me And I'm hoping that you will see yourself Like I see you

The next day found them huddled close together leaning over Baby as Dean taught Castiel how to hammer dents out metal without causing more damage and replace a windshield.

“D’you want to know something?” Dean cracked open his beer. Cas hummed from where he was bent over working a dent out of the open bonnet. He was wearing one of Dean’s ratty old Bon Jovi shirts, damp with sweat and motor oil and chewing on his lip distractedly – and distractingly. “Sammy got me that angel to tease me about you.”

Cas looked up then, “About me?”

“Yeah.” The hunter coughed, wondering what had possessed him to open his mouth and start yet another chick flick. Maybe he should be worried about how much of a sap he was becoming. It was Cas’ fault, obviously. “Cuz I always complain when you’re gone.”

Cas turned around and leant back on Baby, his shoulder brushed Dean’s. “You may want to begin coming up with some alternate topics of conversation.”

Dean laughed, “You think so?”

“I have been reliably informed that I’m not going anywhere.” Cas looked at him. “Ever. Again.”

Dean shoved his shoulder, smiling wide when Cas shoved back pressing him back into the Impala’s frame and leaning into his space.

“It’s why I put it up there in the first place instead of shoving in the back of some cupboard.” He poked Cas in the ribs. “Because it reminded me of you.”

“Me.” Cas echoed.

“You,” Dean smirked, “Dumbass.”

Cas growled and silenced him with a kiss for the ages. Dean let himself be taken over by the angel, surrendering the kiss to him and just basking in the feeling of Cas pressed up against him. He didn’t need some glass statue, he already had his guardian angel exactly where he wanted him, and he had proved to be far from fragile.

I see you in the dark At the dawn of something new I see you

#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #hurt/comfort #cas is hurting #dean is there #i hope this wasn't too angsty and had enough comfort in there for you #fanfic #kat scribbles #literally in this case #userstarry #writing challenge #mentions of death #feelings of worthlessness #baby is also there haha #fuck #not literally in this case #first kiss #starrynightdeancas gift exchange

[fandomstuff67]

Words of the Heart

I was just thinking about this idea and I wanted to write it. This fic takes place in a canondivergent world where Cas was rescued from the empty and Dean never died. This is the first time I’ve written from Claire’s perspective so I hope it turns out okay.

Word Count: 1.8k

As usual, read on Ao3 or below

Claire didn’t know why she was so nervous. This wasn’t as big a deal as she was making it out to be; everyone knew already. Jody, Donna, Kaia (obviously Kaia), Hell the whole town probably knew. So why she was pacing her room, scuffing the floor, and worrying her hands into knots, was beyond her. 

“Babe, it’s gonna be fine,” Kaia said from where she was sitting on Claire’s bed, watching her girlfriend wear a hole in the floor. 

“I know, I know,” Claire replied. And she did know, but still her heart was playing a staccato in her chest and sweat still laced her brow. She started biting at her lip, digging her teeth into the skin there until she tasted blood. 

Kaia sighed and stood up, taking Claire’s hands in her own and forcing their eyes to meet. “Alright, that’s it. You need to do something to take your mind off this.” 

Claire shook her head. “They’ll be here any minute.”

“You don’t have to tell you them, you know,” Kaia reminded her gently, giving her hands a squeeze.

“I want to,” Claire replied sternly. 

Kaia nodded and her hand moved to cup Claire’s cheek, she leaned into the touch. Kaia kissed her softly and then smiled. “It’ll be okay.” 

Claire hoped so. 

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. The sound reverberated through Claire’s body, pounding into her bones, shaking her to her core; she felt her heartbeat increase and she grasped at Kaia’s hand for one last bit of comfort.

 She took a deep breath, steeled herself, and then headed out to greet Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack. 

“Hey,” she said nonchalantly as she entered the room with Kaia trailing behind her. 

“Hey Claire,” Dean replied, a soft smile on his lips. 

“Hello,” Cas greeted her. 

“Hello,” Jack echoed Cas.

“Good to see you,” Sam said. “You too Kaia.” 

Kaia smiled tersely. Claire knew she still wasn’t entirely over what the Winchester’s had put her through. 

“Beers all around!” Jody’s voice came from the kitchen seconds before she entered the room, holding two beers in each hand. “Hey girls,” she said when she noticed Claire and Kaia. 

This was it; now or never. 

She let her eyes fall on Cas and he looked back at her with his sharp gaze, the gaze that was so unlike how her father’s used to be, yet somehow had become just as familiar, just as welcoming and loving and warm. 

“Uh, Cas,” Claire began, awkwardly. Cas blinked at her, telling her to continue. “Can I, uh, can I talk to you?” 

Cas smiled, it was a small thing, a light upturn of the corners of his mouth. “Of course.” 

“Cool, uh... cool,” she spun on her heel and headed back down the hall to her room. Kaia gave her a reassuring smile as she passed. 

Once Cas had entered her room, she shut the door and turned to face him, hardly even able to meet his eyes. 

“Is something wrong?” 

Of course that was Castiel’s first assumption and of course he couldn’t be more wrong. 

“No,” Claire replied, almost a little too quickly. “No,” she repeated, this time a little more controlled. “I just wanted to tell you something.” 

“Oh,” Cas said, his eyes lost some of their worry and Claire brushed past him to stand by her desk and fiddle with the edge of a notebook. 

“God this shouldn’t be as hard as it is,” she muttered in annoyance at the notebook.

She took in a sharp breath and then spun back to face Cas. He was staring at her in confusion and concern and Claire knew she had to just lay it out in the open. 

“Okay, so, uh. Well. I know you’re not my Dad,” she began. Cas shifted uncomfortably where he stood and Claire instantly regretted her word choice. “But, you... were a part of him, I guess, in a way, and since I can’t tell him, I thought... well, I just thought you were the next best option, and you did kind of become like a father to me, and I know you care so-” 

“Claire,” Cas interrupted, taking a step towards her. She looked up at him, swallowing nervously as his steady blue eyes met hers. “What’s this about?” 

Claire wanted to look away, but Castiel’s gaze had her glued to the spot. “Okay, well, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just gonna say it.” 

Cas nodded kindly. “Alright.” 

“I like girls.”

She’d said it. Just like that. It was out in the open. There was no taking it back. 

Cas’ eyes softened and a smile spread across his face. Without preamble, he pulled her into a hug and Claire stiffened before letting herself fall into his embrace. 

“I know,” Cas said into her hair. 

“What?” Claire asked in surprise. 

“I suspected, with Kaia and everything...” 

“She’s kind of my girlfriend,” Claire said proudly. 

Cas pulled away and the look he fixed her with so vividly reminded her of her father. “I’m proud of you.” 

Claire didn’t expect to cry. But those four words, coming out of Castiel’s mouth, the mouth her father had used to say grace and to kiss her goodnight and tell stories, they hit her too deeply that she couldn’t stop the tears. 

“Thank you,” she replied, voice wobbly. 

“Jimmy, your father,” Cas said, “he would be proud of you too.” 

“How do you know?” Claire asked. Her father had never really spoken about his thoughts on being queer, he’d taken his religion seriously, so seriously that he let an angel possess him. 

“When I...” Cas trailed off. 

“Possessed him,” Claire finished for him.

Cas nodded. “Yes. Like you said, I was a part of him. I could see his into his mind, see what he thought and what he believed, and he would have loved you, he did love you, just the way you are.” 

Claire sniffed, her eyes welling with so many tears she was forced to blink to clear them away. She found herself pushing her way back into Cas’ arms. 

“You know you can tell me anything,” Cas said. 

Claire nodded. She had known that. Cas had made it very clear when he’d found her again, tried to be a part of her life, and tried to earn her forgiveness for ruining her family. But she hadn’t truly believed it, until now. 

“I know.” 

“Can I tell you something?” Cas asked once they’d separated from their hug.

“Anything,” Claire replied. 

The most far away look came over Cas’ eyes, the faintest of smiles graced his lips, and when he looked at Claire there was something so earnest in the depths of his blue irises. 

“I’m in love with Dean.” 

Claire’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t say she was particularly surprised, every time she’d been around the two of them they seemed to never be able to take their eyes off each other. Really, she should have suspected. 

“That’s- wow.” 

“We’ve been together for a while now,” Cas said, and there was the flicker of a flame in his words, lit with love. 

“That’s awesome,” Claire replied, beaming at him. 

“It is,” Cas agreed. After a moment he looked at her and said, “you were really scared to tell me, why?” 

Claire looked at the ground, the laces of her shoes were suddenly very interesting. “You were an angel, I dunno, the Bible and stuff says what I’m feeling is wrong and I just thought - worried- that you’d... reject me.” 

Cas’ warm hands took ahold of Claire’s shoulders and she was forced to look up at him. “The Bible is wrong. People misinterpret many things, and a flaw in translation played a big part in the thought process that was invoked upon the world that being queer is wrong. Chuck -God- himself, was bisexual, did you know that?” 

Claire’s eyes widened in shock. “No.” 

Cas smiled. “Well, now you do. Nothing you’re feeling is wrong, Claire. It’s good, and being with Kaia clearly makes you happy, right?” 

“It does,” Claire agreed.

“Then it is anything but wrong.” Cas regarded her for a second before asking, “do you want me to tell Dean, or would you like to do that yourself?”

“You can tell him,” Claire replied. “You were the one that I really wanted to tell in person.”

“I’m happy that you told me.” Cas gave her shoulders a squeeze and then tilted his head towards the door. “Should we return to the others?” 

Claire nodded. “Yeah.” 

Cas led the way and Claire followed him back into the living room where Cas instantly sat down beside Dean and placed a kiss on his mouth. Dean grinned at him and slung his arm around Cas’ shoulders.  

Kaia stepped up beside her and let their hands meet. “It went well?” 

“Better than I could have imagined,” Claire replied. 

Later that night, after dinner, while Claire was helping Dean clean up, he leaned over to her as he handed her a dripping wet plate. 

“So, you and Kaia,” he said, eyebrows raised and a smirk on his lips. 

Claire blushed and shot back, “so, you and Cas.” 

Dean chuckled softly but nodded. “Yeah. I never thought we could- but yeah. Me and Cas.” 

“You look happy,” Claire commented. 

“We are,” Dean replied, a smile touching his eyes. 

“Me and Kaia are too.” 

“I’m proud of you for that, you know,” Dean said. 

Claire’s heart soared to hear those words coming from Dean. “Thanks.” 

“No, really. I know I haven’t always been the greatest towards you. A lot of that had to do with when I had the mark, but a lot of it was also just me. But I wanted you to know, that you’re killing it out there, kid. Doing better than I was at your age, anyway.” 

Claire glanced over at where Jack and Cas were talking on the couch in the next room and then back at Dean, who had followed her gaze. “I think you’re doing pretty well, now.” 

Dean grinned and Claire couldn’t help with smile with him. “Yeah, I am.” 

Claire paused in her drying to pull Dean into a hug. “Thanks, for everything.” 

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” Dean said as he hugged Claire back. 

Claire reached behind Dean to scoop a handful of soap suds from the sink which she promptly flicked in Dean’s face when they pulled apart. 

“Hey!” Dean shouted indignantly. 

“It was getting too mushy in here,” Claire replied with a smirk. 

Dean rolled his eyes and flicked his own handful of soap suds at Claire which she tried to dodge, unsuccessfully. “Yeah, well, love does that to you.” 

Claire nodded mindlessly as she spared a look over at Kaia, who was laughing at something Jack had said. Her heart fluttered in her chest and when she picked up a cup to dry it off, she found that she knew exactly what Dean meant. 

Tag list (ask to be added or removed)

@anotherdowneyfan1 @tearsofgrace @quxxnxfhxll @rebelangel67 @professorerudite @adsdragonlover @wantstoflyafraidtofall @goblinwritergay @cassgetoutofmyass0907​ @nguyenxtrang @destielskygalaxypalace @im-your-huckle-berry

#supernatural #spn #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #destiel #dreamhunter #claire novak #kaia nieves #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #jody mills #jack kline #coming out #family #my writing #soft moments

[ambiguousdisorderken]

If you could introduce cas at any one time between s1-s3 where would you do it and why?

as much as i ADORE the dynamic between s1dean and cas, i’ll go with something different, and perhaps a bit sadder, but in my opinion all the more poignant and impactful for it: dean meets cas at the end of s2, see all hell breaks loose pt. ii, cemetery battle against azazel.

as designed by chuck, dean was supposed to be michael’s vessel once armageddon was set afoot, but the whole divine plan was jeopardized when sam died. neither faction (chuck’s machinations aside) expected dean to make a deal to bring his brother back to life, but he did. so we have hell rejoicing and we have heaven somewhat placated because their holy father’s scriptures remain true and the order has been restored, at least for the time being.

whatever happens from here until the first seal breaks is not heaven’s business, they’re above petty humanity, and after all, the winchesters are mere instruments to be used once the apocalypse comes.

castiel though, he’s got a crack on his chassis. he’s curious. there’s celebration in heaven but he wants to know the real cause for celebration, he wants to meet this human who saved god’s plan with an act his siblings deem stupid, but he considers rather noble. so he goes to earth, for the first time in many years. his vessel, jimmy novak, a devoted man whose faith came to him as naturally as breathing, accepted castiel willingly and without much questioning.

it’s cas who helps dean defeat azazel instead of john. after all, john is only a human soul, a very tortured one in hell, if alastair’s words from 4.16 can be taken as truthful. he would be in no shape to climb all the way out of hell, not that fast, and especially, he wouldn’t be able to restrain azazel or force him out of his vessel the way he did. also, i just dislike the idea of john “redeeming” himself, it was executed poorly and it is a bit too easy and convenient for him to show up and save the day. [¡¡¡also fuck john winchester!!!.]

so yes, it’s cas who, in his haste to meet thee dean winchester stumbles into the battle and overpowers azazel, giving dean the perfect opportunity to shoot the demon and killing him for good. 

of course dean would be apprehensive of cas, but literally all hell had just broke loose, and if there was a point in time angels -should they exist- would appear on earth, surely that would be one of them, right?

it takes him some time, all of them, to trust cas, who appears every other day, sometimes just once a week, sometimes he stays two whole days. he’s a low profile seraph these days and he’s always diligent. besides, he’s not the most social of angels, so if anybody notices his absence, they’re angelic enough about it not to care. as long as heaven runs smooth, all is well. chuck is entertained and much too comfortable lying low to bother about a rogue angel.

cas tells dean he’s been charged with helping them out, seeing as they helped shut the gates of hell, or any other excuse. he’s not very good lying, but dean buys it. he’s still hopeful , a stranger to the rack and the sulphur of the pit.

inevitably, dean falls in love with cas. it’s quick and unexpected, as if someone hit the back of his head with the full force of it, of cas. it’s also the easiest thing he’s ever done. castiel, this angel... cas... he’s everything dean knows he can’t have, he is all the good dean could never be, he’s touched by god while dean is tainted by the filth of demons, literally. 

he’s never regretted making that deal to save sammy, but he wishes the demon had given him more than a year. most people get 10. a lot could be done in ten years, and maybe cas, maybe he’d still be around. maybe dean would be able to call him his friend, maybe he’d be able to know cas better (because he doesn’t really say much about himself, and always seems so interested in learning more about dean, what he likes, how he feels, why he acts in certain ways, why he likes making cas laugh so much, why he blushes at odd times and why his smile falls when he seems the happiest). or maybe 10 years wouldn’t be enough to make an angel of the lord care about a poor sod like him anyway.

it’s a relationship filled with what ifs and insecurity and fear and passion, because dean is running out of time and he wants to make the most of it, but he’s only a sad excuse of a hunter, and he has to be a good brother and he’s got bobby whom he’s also made miserable with his decision. but there’s also cas... and that... he never, not in a million years, expected cas to appear into his life. he just wants a little more time with him, a little less guilt for wanting this, wanting what...it?, no, him. he’s living on borrowed time so labels, he doesn’t give a shit about. so he goes for it. he kisses cas, and cas kisses him back. and it comes to them just as natural and easy, and it pains dean even more knowing that he could have this, if only his ass wasn’t expected in hell in a few days time. 

but hell doesn’t forgive, and it comes to collect alright. 

cas knows he can’t intervene, he’s still a soldier, with a human weakness, yes. but a soldier nonetheless. still, when the hellhounds  come after dean he tries to save him, only to be stopped by other angels sent to maintain the order. he’s sent to prison during the same 40 years dean is sent to hell, but in heaven time moves even slower, so he ends up waiting longer than that, all the while tortured by his own inability to protect the one thing he cares about, to save dean from the worst of fates. needless to say he feels guity and conflicted.

it comes to him as a surprise when he’s called upon the ranks of the army who’ll retrieve the righteous man from hell. apparently previous campaigns have failed to even locate the asset, so castiel, rebellious as he’s proven to be in the past, is tasked with leading as commander. he knows dean’s soul thoroughly, if anyone can decipher the twists and folds of hell (more intricate version than og) it’s castiel. 

and that he does.

cas is the one to free dean from his agony, the one who throws away the bloody whip dean was flogging another poor soul with, the one who sees dean so broken and mangled, stripped from his kindness, forced into sin and depravity. he hold dean in his arms while the man thrashes, crying and screaming, so unlike himself and yet becoming dean. 

for the first time since he was created, castiel cries. he also kisses dean and the taste is salty, but it feels like paradise despite the brimstone and the howls of anguish that echo in their ears.

cas’ hold is so strong and dean is so raw, naked soul burning up, that the touch leaves a mark that later will show as his handprint seared on dean’s shoulder.

#dressesandcarresses #i promise this is hc and not just fanfic :( it was easier to describe this way #son thoughts #destiel #but also sorta ficlet i guess #destiel fanfic #now did i put brain power into this? yes but also there might be blatant plot holes im not seeing..but that's just every spn writer too soo

[bimbonaparte]

so as i am avoiding work and wandering around random spn sideblogs i stumble on one that criticizes my beloved “cas is claire’s yellow-eyed demon” hot take.... and while i do not want to call anyone out i do want to spend some more time playing with the arguments & implications here, because overthinking things is fun for me:

so let’s start with the idea that jimmy consented to cas possessing him. Jimmy may have truly said yes the first time around, but it is CRYSTAL CLEAR in 4x20 that a) he regrets it, didn’t understand what he was saying ‘yes’ to, and would have taken it back if he could, and b) when he says yes the second time, it is the last thing he wants and he’s only doing it to save his ten-year-old daughter from what he sees as a terrible fate. that is not consent, by any definition of the word. that is coercion.

mary and jimmy were ultimately given the same choice: say yes to something you do not want, or sacrifice a loved one. Mary knows that making a deal with azazel is going to have horrifying consequences, but she does it to save john. jimmy knows that saying yes to castiel means he’ll never see his family again, but he does it to save claire. Both Cas and Azazel created situations where these were the only options. (cas didn’t do it on purpose, but like... if you are a child and watch this go down in front of you that distinction really does not matter)

the analogy gets a little fuzzier when we get to john and amelia, because ultimately john stuck around to emotionally warp sam & dean and amelia abandoned claire and took off. at the end of the day, though, all three kids effectively lost BOTH parents in one fell swoop, and all three of their childhoods were stolen by a crusade against the supernatural, so like. strong parallels there.

the idea that claire shouldn’t blame cas for how her life turned out post-4x20 is crazy to me, though. he ran off with her dad’s body!!!! even if amelia had chosen to stick around after that & nothing else had gone wrong, taking a ten-year-old girl’s dad away from her is grounds for her to hate you for life!!! (i’m not even touching on the implications of cas possessing her (!!!) and then essentially using her as leverage to convince her dad to sacrifice himself, we know he was freshly brainwashed from some heaven torture but claire and amelia do not)

castiel is not responsible for amelia’s decision to abandon claire, just like azazel is not responsible for john’s decision to turn his kids into child soldiers. both amelia and john could have done something else with their grief. BUT. cas and azazel ARE responsible for causing that grief in the first place! they are directly to blame for the loss of mary/jimmy; from a bereaved child’s perspective, they are also to blame for everything that came after (not least because it’s hard to fully recognize the faults of your one surviving parent after a trauma like that; see dean/john’s entire relationship for reference. also it’s hard to get mad at mary/jimmy for saying ‘yes’ because they are dead. so all that rage and pain has to go somewhere else).

here is a question that i bet claire has: what if jimmy hadn’t died in 4x22? would it ever have occurred to castiel to leave his vessel and give her back her father? given that he didn’t think to check in on the novaks for 6+ years, signs kinda point to ‘no’

one more wager: we know sam & dean fantasize about what their lives would have looked like with no yellow-eyed demon, in a world where they get to grow up “normal”; i bet claire does the same thing with castiel

Basically my thesis is that from ages 10-17, Castiel lives in Claire’s mind -- like Azazel does in Sam & Dean’s -- as the monster that burned her picture-perfect life to the ground. But she doesn’t get the chance to funnel her anger & need for revenge into saving people, hunting things, or family, so instead she just grows up furious and alone. Can you imagine the incredible amount of rage she must feel when they swan back in after all these years to tell her they’re sorry??

(Actually, I don’t know if Sam & Dean ever do say sorry to her, which is kind of worse in its way -- Cas has the excuse of not being human, but they are both well aware of what losing a parent does to a kid and it also doesn’t occur to them to think about the novaks after 4x20. what the heck, guys.)

All this to say: I love Claire! I love the complicated mess of feelings she has for Castiel & Sam & Dean! I love that her journey parallels Sam & Dean’s so closely but ends in forgiveness instead of revenge!!! i love the idea of deconstructing the boogeyman of your childhood and relearning him as a person you can love!!! I love found family!! Jody “i will mom you whether you like it or not” Mills 4 lyfe!!  but to me, there’s just so much trauma and anger and pain and lost time between claire & cas... i just don’t think the show did her character any favors when it glossed over all of that and had her forgive him for everything so incredibly quickly. i can accept that claire grows to have affection for him, and that she gradually categorizes him & sam & dean as her weird uncles. but after everything???? that late in the game???? “dad” is not on the table.

#obviously your mileage may vary here #but to me it is legitimately MORE FUN to work through claire and castiel's relationship through the lens of how bad he fucked up her life #and really dig into how that trauma shaped her (plus the parallels with sam & dean!) #than it is to put a rubber stamp labeled 'DAD' on their relationship #this is supernatural after all #it is alllllllll about the angst lol #castiel is claire's yellow-eyed demon #and i will die on this hill... apparently #final thought is that i think all of this could have gone differently if cas had shown up a year later instead of 7 years later #also if you are the person whose blog post i am responding to SORRY #i do not want to put you on blast but i just started thinking about things and then ended up writing them all down #is this vagueblogging? i think this might be vagueblogging #spn #meta #spn meta #i can't believe it is the year of our lord 2021 and i just wrote a fucking spn meta post #who am i what is happening #castiel #claire #claire novak #jimmy novak

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.13: “Destiny’s Child”

THEN: The pizza man! Megstiel! Oh, lord, I love these two. Ruby 2.0. Lots of pizza for some reason. Jack is soulless. Chuck is destroying his worlds.

NOW: Bunker. The guys are doing research in the library when they hear a weird loud noise. They rush into a room I don’t recognize and find a cute little seafoam green Fiat. With Kansas plates. {Sidebar: I’m thrilled to see Kansas plates. I wish Baby would get replated before the end.} As Savage Garden sings about ch-ch-cherry cola feelings at the base of your spine, two feet (but only one sock) emerge from the Fiat, and those feet are connected to… Sam and Dean! Well, AU versions of them, anyway. As real Sam and Dean watch in horrified confusion, we get glimpses of AU Sam and Dean – an expensive watch, non-flannel clothes, AU Sam’s hair half up. An open rift glows behind them. “Well,” says AU Sam, “we did it.” The AU brothers fistbump (which is smart; you don’t want to shake hands with coronavirus and all) and we see AU Sam is wearing an Apple watch. Which I think the OG Winchesters should wear, considering how often they seem to miss important texts.

All four make eye contact.

Dean? Sam? Sam? Dean? What the hell? What the heck?

The rift flares brighter, AU Dean says “Aw, nuts,” and the AU brothers and their cute little car are sucked back out of our world.

Title card!

Time jump. OG Sam and Dean are telling Cas about their doppelgangers. Dean is particularly disturbed by their car (as am I, because there’s no way those two big guys would be running around in a tiny little Fiat, no matter how fucking cute it is). And all three are just completely confused. Which is odd, considering that they know 1) there are AU versions of themselves in AU worlds, and B) people can move between those worlds. I don’t know why they can’t wrap their heads around AU Winchesters showing up in the bunker.

“How did they get here?” Dean asks. The answer comes from Billie. “They were running. Because God was destroying their reality. He’s almost done wrapping up those other worlds.” And when he finishes his other worlds, he’s coming after the Winchesters. It’s time move on to the next step in Billie’s plan for Jack. Our boy enters on cue, eating a sandwich and announcing he’s ready. Billie explains that the first step (eating angel hearts, ew) was to prepare his body, and the next step is “more spiritual in nature.” He has to find something called the Occultum.

The Occultum? That’s Latin for “hidden.” Where do we find it? I don’t KNOW. It’s HIDDEN.

Hee!

Smart Sam, slightly embarrassed chastised Sam. Love ‘em both.

They don’t really even know what it is, let alone where it is. Or maybe Billie knows what it is, and just isn’t talking. She stresses that since everything will go tits up if God finds out what they’re doing, they need to be ready, and vigilant. “And not stupid.”

Oh, Billie. It’s too late for that.

Research time. Sam’s frustrated, Dean’s distracted. Because he remembered Amara, and he thinks maybe Jack is supposed to kill Amara too. Sam scoffs at that, but Dean reminds us him that the world will be out of balance if Chuck is gone but Amara remains. Sam asks “But then who takes over? Jack?” Jack wanders in, blowing a bubblegum bubble, and proudly announces that he just learned how to do it. “Probably not,” Dean says. Heh. The guys question Jack about how, exactly, he’s going to strike God down, and either he doesn’t know or, again, he’s not talking.

{Sidebar: Neither of them thought anyone needed to take over as God if Chuck was gone. They were, in fact, looking forward to a Godless world. Why, now, does Sam suddenly think someone needs to take over if both Chuck and Amara are gone? Yeah, I know the answer. Bad writing. Thanks, Buckleming!}

They must have brought the Amara situation up for a reason. It’s the kind of monkey wrench that the writers usually ignore if they don’t have a way to address it. What’s going to happen? Here are the possibilities I came up with:

Both Chuck and Amara are killed.

Jack replaces Chuck as God, which means Amara can go on playing keno.

Either Sam or Dean replaces Chuck as God, and Jack or Cas becomes the Darkness. (Neither Sam nor Dean can receive the Mark of Cain again, right? Isn’t that canon? Or is it fanon? And did Sam’s very brief experience with the Mark actually count?)

Jack replaces Chuck as God, and Cas becomes the Darkness. Or vice versa.

Billie pulls a deus ex machina and the whole Chuck/Amara balance thing becomes moot.

The whole Amara situation will never be mentioned again.

Cas wanders in, gathering information from Sergei. Sergei? Again? Will we never be shed of him? Dean agrees with me. “Him? Are we that desperate?” Apparently so. Sergei says the Occultum was housed in a temple until it wasn’t and Dean starts throwing out movie plots to hypothesize what might have happened to it. I’m sure that was amusing to some of you. Anyway, it ended up in the hands of a faith healer with glowy hands. Oh, who could that be? Well, if you didn’t cover the guest star credits, you didn’t see Danneel Ackles. And even if you did, I’m sure you’ve guessed that the faith healer is Sister Jo, who everyone calls Jo rather than using her angel name. Even Cas. I think we should start calling him Jimmy.

Sister Jo’s. She’s wearing some weird combo of satin slipdress/turtleneck/pink blazer. Any one of these items is fine. Together they’re awful. Sam and Dean show up, asking where the Occultum is, and threatening her with angel blades when she refuses to spill the beans. Which doesn’t seem very threatening to me. As an angel, she’s still so much more powerful than they are. (Whatever.)

She says “I gave it to an old friend of yours – Ruby.” And Sam’s first response is “why would you give it to her” instead of “wait, we killed her years before you fell to earth and became a faith healer.” {waves to Buckleming} We get some ridiculous backstory (and again I don’t understand why an angel cares so much about couture brands) about how she was working with Ruby and oh, look, it’s Ruby 2.0! {Sidebar: I covered the credits, as I said, so I didn’t notice that Genevieve Padalecki was not in them. I love the way Show tries to set up a surprise and then their PR department completely spoils it. Because yes, of course I knew Genevieve was coming back. Even the Unsullied couldn’t avoid that spoiler, especially because some people on Tumblr do not use spoiler tags!!! However, I was under the impression she’d be in the final episode, so it was a huge relief to see her in this one. Let’s waste all the nonsense on a Buckleming episode!}

Anyway. According to Jo, Ruby claimed she had a buyer for the Occultum. Jo gave it to her, and then the boys killed her so the deal did not go down. {Sidebar: Once again, Show, flashbacks to older, better episodes are not doing you any favors.} The Occultum is still where Ruby stashed it – in Hell. Dean rolls his eyes, because that’s all Hell is now. It doesn’t inspire terror, just an eyeroll. Hell is basically Walmart. And Dean’s eyeroll is tantamount to me saying “Shit, the only place I can get toilet paper is Walmart? Ugh.” And I hate that, friends. I really, really hate the way Hell has become no more than an unpleasant inconvenience.

Here. Have a palate cleanser.

Bunker. Jack is eating… everything. He and Cas talk about how he’s really into food now, but he doesn’t feel things like he did before he lost his soul. He makes another guilt-free reference about “what happened to Mary,” like he did right before they put him in the box, and wonders if Dean will ever forgive him. {Sidebar: He doesn’t care if Sam forgives him, or he knows Sam has/will? Discuss.} Cas says “You know, Dean, he feels things more acutely than any human I’ve ever known.” Because yes, Dean has to be the absolute bestest at everything, doesn’t he? {Sidebar: How long has it been since someone told Dean he was pretty? What if he forgets???} Anyway, Cas thinks maybe someday Dean will explode and release his Most Acutest Ever feelings and then Jack will be forgiven. (Foreshadowing!)

The guys enter the bunker, discussing Rowena’s spell to get into Hell, and Dean calls Sam “Samwitch.” \o/ Because, as we know, someone over there reads my LJ and/or Tumblr. Um. Does this mean it’s the Buckleming? If so, I’m going to need some time. Cas shows up and looks constipated and says “come with me” and it’s an odd transition because it seemed like they interrupted his talk with Jack, but actually it must be some time later.

Cas takes them back to the mystery room, which I guess was identified as the armory but it looks more like another library to me, and shows them a ghostly AU Sam and Dean. They’re trapped between worlds, apparently. Dean doesn’t care. When Cas assures him they don’t seem to be in pain, he’s ready to move on. I wonder how acutely he feels that.

Sam tells Cas that Ruby stashed the Occultum in Hell and Cas says “Ruby. The demon you were sexually intimate with.” Sam’s all, really, Cas, you’re going there? and it’s another episode of ha ha, funny Cas doesn’t understand human interactions, and then Dean goes all squinty eyed and says ”sexually intimate?” as if this is NEWS TO HIM and WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT, SHOW. This is not news to Dean. Sam told him ALL ABOUT IT in “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Dean even told him it was “too much information.” Sam told him EVERYTHING. And now we’re supposed to think he didn’t know Sam was banging a demon?

FUCKLEMING!!!!

Anyway. Cas thinks they should get some confirmation from Ruby before going to Hell, but she is inconveniently dead. And also, why would she tell them the truth, considering they’re the reason she’s inconveniently dead. The guys don’t want to wait. They tell Cas to stay in the car right outside the door to Walmart and keep the engine running keep the spell to open Hell going.

Hell. Ugh So cheesy; so much hate. The guys come across a minion who says Rowena is hosting a reception, and he’ll take them to her. But Ruth wasn’t in the credits (for those of you who saw the credits) so obviously this is a trap. Fighty fighty, blah blah blah. Turns out they were set up by Jo. We do get a bit of a post-exertion huff from Sam, so it’s not a total waste.

While this is happening, Cas decides to go to the Empty to question Ruby, because he’s pretty sure Jo isn’t telling the truth. He needs Jack to kill him to the point that he’s only mostly dead. And we’re reminded about his deal with the Empty, so I guess that’s still a thing. Cas gives Jack a flask to hold his life force, and tells him that if this goes badly, Cas will be lost forever. And if Jack doesn’t keep the spell burning, the Winchesters will be stuck in Hell and will be lost forever. Wow, a lot of things could go wrong here. Jack puts a hand on Cas’s forehead and we see Cas’s grace drain into the flask.

Sister Jo’s place. She’s packing up and fleeing.

The Empty. Cas calls for Ruby. “Hello, Clarence,” says a familiar voice. It’s Meg! \o/ Oh, no. It’s just the Empty Guy in Meg form. Dammit. Meg’s got to be in here somewhere, and I’d love to see some Megstiel action one more time before I die. But it is very nice to see Rachel Miner. Empty!Meg calls Ruby out from the darkness. Ruby fondly remembers Sam as “the big lug” and tells Cas a completely different story about her relationship with Jo. {Sidebar: I hate to say this, but Gen doesn’t look so good in this episode, and I also remember her as a better actor.} Ruby tells Cas the Occultum is “a place, a thing, whatever you want to call it.” She’ll tell him where it is if he gets her out of the Empty. He promises to try, and she whispers in his ear.

Back at the bunker, the guys have returned and are horrified to find that Cas is hopefully in the Empty, hopefully finding Ruby, hopefully finding the location of the Occultum, and Sam says “that’s way too many hopefullys!” Hee. They demand that Jack bring him back. In the Empty, Empty!Meg tortures Cas and says Billie promised she could go back to sleep as soon as this is all over, while in the bunker, Jack feeds him his life force.

Resurrected from the nearly-dead, Cas gets called an idiot, because neither of these guys have ever risked their lives to get information (ha ha, sure Dean). He tells the guys he knows where the Occultum is, and they’re ready to go. However, Jack points out that if Chuck notices they’re gone and figures out what they’re doing, it’s game over. True. But that was also true when they went to Hell, and it didn’t seem to be a problem. Anyway, Dean has an idea. He thinks they need a visible presence in the bunker, because this is where Chuck will look.

We don’t know that. We don’t NOT know that.

Hee! Down in the armory, the AU Winchesters are still stuck between worlds. Dean thinks they can open the rift and yank the guys back into this world. Conveniently, since they’re stuck adjacent to this world, Cas’s grace should be plenty. The AU brothers are playing rock-paper-scissors and maybe I’m missing something, but it sure looks like Dean throws scissors and Sam throws rock, which means Sam wins, but Dean acts like he won. Maybe it’s different in AU World. Maybe AU World rocks are very soft.

Sam does the spell, because the one good thing I still get to have is that Sam is in charge of the spellwork. The next thing we see is the OG brothers and the AU brothers at the map table, drinking beer. I’m pretty sure Jared is going to take AU Sam’s purple suit home after they shoot the last episode. The AU brothers are awfully prissy and don’t drink much beer – “Dad won’t keep it in the house. He only likes his private label Scotch. He spoils us.” Damn. They really are prissy. And John is alive, and went through the rift with them, but they don’t know where he is now. Nor do they seem concerned at all, even though they toast him as the “best guy ever.” The AU Winchesters hunt worldwide, and get paid, and have their own plane. The originals explain to the AUs why they need them to act as decoys. OG Sam tells AU Sam that he’ll have to “lose the manbun” and AU Sam recoils in horror and this is NOT WORKING FOR ME. (Also, it’s not technically a manbun, it’s just half up.) I guess some of you loved them, and I’m sure J2 had fun playing them, but I’m just. Bleh. Rich hunters wouldn’t be fussy little twits. Maybe if they were MoL; I can see that. But hunters with money would, IMHO, be like those Duck Dynasty idiots. They’d still be wearing flannel, they’d just drive huge expensive SUVs.

Sam, who are these douches and why are they in our house?

{Sidebar: Why are all the AU Winchesters the same age as our Winchesters? If the other worlds were copies of ours, shouldn’t the AU brothers be younger? Shouldn’t we have Dylan Everett or Colin Ford here?}

Carrying on. The Impala pulls up to a church, and even Jack thinks this is too easy. But then it’s not, because we hear the distinctive growl of hellhounds. Dean gets the door unlocked just in time, and they all rush inside. Sam holds the doors closed as the other three casually wander around the church trying to find the Occultum. Sam is clearly having trouble, but no one comes to his aid. The sky conveniently clears, revealing a moonlit cross on the floor that marks the spot. Dean pulls up a floorboard and reveals a small blue velvet bag {Sidebar: Anyone else have a very similar Crown Royal bag full of cassette tapes in their car back in the 70s/80s? Or was that just me and my lowlife friends?} Inside the bag is an orb inscribed in Enochian: In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you. Sam continues struggling with the door, and the others are all, you held the doors open against Lucifer himself, I’m sure you can handle a couple of silly hellhounds, which is true but still.

Bunker. AU Sam and Dean are cosplaying as our Sam and Dean, but not well. “They said lose the manbun, Samuel,” says AU Dean. “Look, hillbilly clothes are bad enough. I had to draw the line somewhere, and my hair is sacred.” Sam drinks beer with his pinkie extended, and hates it, and I’m sorry. I can’t stand this.

Scenes from the Writers’ Room

You know, last year, Jared got to play a couple of fun AU versions of Sam. I missed out on that.

Okay, but we’ve got you singing this year. And dancing.

Yeah, I know, but I really want to play a different version of Dean, too. I’m gonna be looking for jobs. I need to showcase all my talents.

All right, we can do that.

Also, make sure someone tells Dean he’s pretty.

Anyway. AU Dean is growing to enjoy beer, and he finds porn on Dean’s laptop (leave it to the Buckleming to bring back Busty Asian Beauties, ugh), and he thinks the OG life – nothing but beer, monsters, and porn – might not be so bad after all. AU Sam decides he agrees.

Back at the church, Sam is still the only thing between the rest of TFW 2.0 and grim death. As Cas and Dean squabble over what to do next, Jack figures out the obvious and swallows the Occultum. He collapses and glows and is transported to… Eden! Which has astroturf! And a weird girl who says Eden will change him “if you’re the one meant to find it.” She disappears and a snake appears in the tree. (Hello, Crawly!) “Who are you really?” it hisses. “Who are you meant to be?” Jack has some flashbacks to his best times and worst times and falls to the ground, crying. Then he appears back in the church as a glowing orb which immediately heads straight toward Sam, if you didn’t notice. But I did. Then it floats back to Cas and Dean. Sam collapses and the door opens, but the ball of light disperses the hellhounds and leaves Jack on the floor.

Aftermath! Bunker. Dean is dismissing the AU Winchesters. AU Dean suggests they all live there together, and OG Dean turns them down. He thinks they need to go to Brazil, and refuses their request to keep the flannel shirts. AU Dean tells him they saw the car – and drove it. I wonder when they did that, since the OG Winchesters drove it to the church. Huh. But that’s not what bugs me most about this. What bugs me most is that there’s NO WAY IN HELL (not even new, wimpy Walmart Hell) that Sam and Dean would have let those guys go. Would have turned them loose without any support. No fucking way.

Dean joins Sam, who is standing sadly in the hallway outside Jack’s door. Cas comes out of his room and says Jack is okay, but something is different. They go inside and oh, it’s not Jack’s room, it’s the kitchen. Jack is sitting at the table, crying. He apologizes for not understanding that killing Mary was his fault and begs for forgiveness. Looks like someone has been resouled. And – scene!

So. I didn’t really care for this one. In fact, it kind of made me lose hope for the rest of the season. And maybe the will to live. But I’m not going to dwell on that. I’m going to dwell on this: We don’t need any more side characters, even if they’re Sam and Dean.

Scenes From the Writers’ Room

Okay, who else can we bring back?

What about Ruby? I know a lot of fans would like to see some closure for her story.

I thought she had closure? When they killed her?

{laughter}

Good one. Yeah, let’s bring her back and wrap her story up. And we’ll give Cas and Jack some time too.

But we’ve gotta use the guys at some point. People are gonna complain.

I’ve got an idea – what if we have Jared and Jensen play two different people, rather than Sam and Dean?

You, my friend, are a fucking genius!

But if we had to get two AU Winchesters, couldn’t it have been the ones from Sam’s nightmares? Wouldn’t Boy!King Sam or MoC Dean have been awesome? And what if, after the AU Winchesters tumbled into the bunker, AU Sam quietly pulled OG Sam aside.

I need to talk to you. Alone. What is it? Do you have a secure room? Someplace we can ward? Why? Um… I’m not sure how to explain… Do you have Cain and Abel in your world? {Sam visibly blanches} We’ve got a dungeon. Come help me set it up. Now.

Wouldn’t that have been better than this crap? Or what about Samifer? Wouldn’t Sam and Dean’s reactions to Samifer have been magnificent? (Yeah, I know. We didn’t need a whole Plot. We just needed a small Device.)

And it turns out they’re not airing any more new episodes until… who knows when. Which means we’re stuck with this one. If I die and the last new episode of Supernatural I ever get to see is a fucking Buckleming episode, I’m going to be so pissed. I will come back and I will be haunting some asses. Enough whining. What did you think? And please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!

#spn #15.13 #recap #tv recaps #spoilers #fuckleming

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 14: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 14 Summary Analysis

Cas is in a tailspin after losing Dean to Michael’s possession, and he resorts to seeking help from a demon. Cas is determined to find a way to stop Michael without killing Dean. After Dean becomes himself again, he and Cas resume their affectionate domestic behavior toward one another, along with their co-parenthood of Jack. Cas and Dean comfort each other when Jack dies, and they work together (with Sam) to bring him back. When Michael possesses Dean a second time, Cas and Sam do whatever they can to save Dean, and Cas continues to worry about Dean while Michael is trapped inside his mind. Dean becomes resigned and self-destructive after Billie (aka Death) talks to him about his fate, and he pushes Cas and Sam away. After Jack kills Mary, Dean cannot forgive Cas for hiding Jack’s mental state from him. Dean is determined to stop soulless Jack by any means necessary, but Cas still wants to save Jack, and this conflict drives a rift between the two of them. In the end, Dean can’t bring himself to kill Jack because he still considers him to be family.

My interpretation: When Dean decides to lock himself inside the Ma’lak box, Cas gets angry at him for giving up and for not talking it through with him. Cas canot bear to think of Dean trapped in an eternal torment with Michael, and he’s hurt that Dean is willing to put himself in that situation without even saying goodbye. After Jack dies and is resurrected, Castiel’s top priority shifts from Dean’s safety to Jack‘s, partly because he knows that he will most likely outlive Dean, whereas Jack could live much longer and have a more lasting impact on the world. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas continues to be protective of Jack, and it wounds him to see Dean so fervently vengeful toward their fostered son. Sam recognizes the rift that has appeared between Cas and Dean, and he stops Cas from moving to comfort Dean at Mary’s funeral because he knows it would cause a fight. Cas has difficulty reconciling his love for Dean with Dean’s violent attitude toward Jack. Cas feels like he has to choose between Dean and Jack, and he ultimately chooses Jack. Dean’s repeated traumatic experiences with mind control harden him and make him emotionally distant from everyone, and this is only made worse when Mary is killed. Dean sees soulless Jack as a monster, and he takes it as a personal insult that Cas would defend Jack. Dean blames Cas for Jack’s actions because he’s desperate to find a scapegoat for his pent-up frustrations and repressed trauma.

14.01 Stranger in a Strange Land

Cas is so desperate to find Dean that he seeks information from a demon named Kipling.

Kipling makes a joke about Castiel’s relationship with Dean: “I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because one, that’s interesting, and two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.”

Sam and Jack both express doubt that they’ll be able to save Dean, but Cas remains steadfast and faithful: “We are going to find Dean, and we are going to beat Michael, and we’re going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.”

14.02 Gods and Monsters

Cas references a phrase that Dean has used with him in the past: “I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh... as Dean would say, ‘without all the bells and whistles.’”

Cas demonstrates his wholistic understanding of the human perspective when talking about Jimmy Novak: “You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family, it’s my greatest regret.”

When Jack inquires about killing Michael, Cas insists on the importance of saving Dean: “Did they find Michael?” “Yeah, they think so.” “So they’re gonna try and kill him?” “Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spell work. They have to get Michael out of Dean.” “And if he doesn’t leave?” “Then they’ll try to drive him out.” “And if that doesn’t work?” “Jack...” “Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” “I know, and he WILL be, after Dean is...” “No, Dean doesn’t matter. You’re all so focused on trying to saving Dean. And I get it, I understand, but if he can’t be saved, if it comes down to him or Michael, Michael has to be stopped—caged or killed.” “And if that means that Dean dies, too?!” “Then Dean dies. I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Dean has to die, then... Do you think he’d want it any other way?”

14.03 The Scar

Cas is so damn happy to see that Dean is back safe (the music swells when they first see each other): “Sorry, I wanted to be there, but we figured that Michael would sense my presence, so...” “Sam told me. Ain’t no thing.”

Cas continues to worry about Dean and asks Sam how he really is: “Dean... how is he really?” “I don’t know.” “Why would Michael just give up his vessel like that?” “I don’t know.”

Dean exhibits the high level of trust he has in Cas to be willing to let him inside his head: “So, Cas, I’m gonna need you to, uh, get in my head. You know, do the whole Vulcan mind meld thing. ‘Cause if I can’t remember what happened, I need you to drag it out of me, okay?”

When Dean hurts Jack’s feelings (“You’re barely 100 pounds soaking wet”), Cas gives him a scolding look, which clues Dean in on his transgression.

When a girl asks Jack if Cas is is his dad he says, “One of them, yes.”

14.07 Unhuman Nature

While talking with Sam, Cas acknowledges that they’re all co-fathers to Jack: “You know, he’s [Dean] lost people, we’ve all lost people, but, um...” “This feels different. Losing, um... a son, feels different.”

14.08 Byzantium

Dean leaves the room while Jack is dying and Cas goes after him to remind him that Jack needs him there: “What? It’s not fair? I know that. But he needs you.”

After Jack dies, the boys hang out and get drunk together. Cas stays up with Dean longer than Sam.

When Dean wakes up with a hangover and is tactlessly blunt to Lily, Cas is visibly amused.

Cas asks Jack not to tell Sam and Dean about his deal with The Empty because he doesn’t “want them to worry.”

14.09 The Spear

Cas explains to Jack that they should have plenty of time together before The Empty takes him: “You know, The Empty said that it wouldn’t come for me until I had finally given myself permission to be happy, but with everything we have going on, with Michael still out there, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. This life may be a lot of things, but it’s rarely happy.”

Cas points out Dean’s good mood, noticing his behavior is out of the ordinary: “You seem good lately. Happy, even. We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.” “You know, I guess I’m just fired up. I mean look, we got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?” Cas is visibly uneasy about keeping his deal with The Empty from Dean, but he doesn’t want to dash Dean’s high spirits.

14.10 Nihilism

While talking to Michael, Cas demonstrates his understanding of the value of vulnerability: “You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.”

Cas shows concern for Dean while he and Sam are in Dean’s mind: “So much trauma in Dean’s mind. So many scars.”

Sam and Cas use their knowledge of Dean to know that that they need to look for him in his good memories: “If Michael wanted to keep Dean placated...” “Dean thrives on trauma. I mean, he’s had to his whole life, right? It keeps him alert, keeps him ready, but if I wanted to distract Dean, I’d give him something he’s never had before.” “Contentment.” “Exactly.”

Michael mocks Dean’s relationship with Cas to throw him off: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition,’ or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.”

14.12 Prophet and Loss

After failing to talk Dean out of shutting himself in the Ma’lak box, Sam calls Cas for help. Cas is doing everything he can to figure out a way to save Dean, and even offers to try talking to Dean himself: “Sam, maybe if I spoke with Dean...” “It wouldn’t matter, believe me. I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. He just... no. If we don’t find some way, Dean’s gone.”

Cas is excited to hear Dean’s voice when Dean calls him, and he tries to convince Dean not to go through with his plan: “Dean! It’s so good to hear from you.” “Okay. Well, good. Uh, listen, Cas, uh, Sam and I are workin’ this case...” “You’re working a case. That is so good to hear. So I assume that means you’re not going through with it, because I have to say, Dean, this plan of yours, it was born of desperation, not reason.” “My plan.” “I know that I’m not supposed to know what I know, but...” “Look, I’m fine with my plan, okay? We can talk about my plan later.” “Dean, you are making a terrible mistake. ... We need to have a conversation.” “Look, I really gotta handle this right now, okay? So thank you, and uh, it’s good to hear your voice.”

Cas calls Dean out for being dismissive and self-destructive: “What happened to him [Donatello], that was my fault. It was necessary, but doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.” “I know the feeling.” “Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop!” “Okay. Alright, why don’t we talk about that later?” “Because according to your plan, there won’t be a later.” “Cas, if you were a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this, and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.” “So then, this is goodbye?”

Cas is frustrated that Dean has given up: “Dean, if there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. YOU taught me that.”

14.14 Ouroboros

Cas recognizes Dean’s struggle and genuinely wants to know how he is doing. Dean opens up about his experience: “Hey, Dean?” “I’m fine.” “What you’re doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can’t imagine the willpower it’s taking to keep Michael imprisoned. Are you really fine?” “I don’t know, Cas. But that’s what I’m supposed to say, right? ‘I’m fine,’ keep on movin’? It’s what we all say.” “No, Dean.” “Okay. There’s this pounding in my head. It never stops. Michael’s in there, and he is fighting hard to get out. And I can’t let my guard down, not for a second. I’m barely even sleeping.” “Well, that’s not sustainable.” “No, no. It’s probably not, but no point in complainin’ about it. It’s on me.” “No, it’s on US. We are here to help you.” “I know. I know that, and I appreciate that, I do. Look, before the kid gets back... I know I agreed to give you guys time.” “Hey, Dean, and we will find a solution.” “Okay, but if... if you don’t, we still have plan B.” “Dean, come on.” “Coffin. Ocean. Done.”

Cas gives Dean a scolding look when Dean blows off his concern.

When Jack asks what A.V. Club means, Dean teases Cas about being an A.V. Club member.

Dean makes a joke about Castiel’s sex appeal: “Somehow he knows you, but you’re not standing alone. Why doesn’t he mention me?” “Maybe you’re not his type.”

While talking with Jack, Cas exhibits the deep respect and affection he has for Dean and Sam, and for humanity: “You know, Sam and Dean, they’re human, and they’re very extraordinary, brave, special humans, but they’re still humans. And humans burn bright, but for a very brief time, compared to, you know, things like us. And eventually, they’re gone, even the very best ones, and we have to carry on. It’s just... it’s part of growing up.” “Losing people?” “Yes.” “What’s the point?” “The point?” “What’s the point of being a cosmic being if everyone I care about is just gonna leave?” “The point is that they were here at all, and you got to know them, you... when they’re gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” “That sounds awful.” “It is, but it’s also living. So when Dean wakes up—and he will wake up—we just have to remember to appreciate the time that we all have together now.”

To prevent Jack from burning off more of his soul, Cas convinces Jack not to use his powers to heal Dean.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Case and Dean bicker in the kitchen about their son, like an old married couple: “You were right. Jack is struggling. And I’ve tried, but...” “Why do you think he’ll talk to me?” “Well, because he looks up to you. And his soul... I mean, you’ve seen this before.” “No, no. No, see, I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...” “But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone, at least I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left.” “Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?” “I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up. And then, sleep until the cows come home.”

14.18 Absence

In a flashback, Cas demonstrates his concern for Dean and Sam while talking with Mary, and she recognizes his protective presence: “I know you know this, Mary, but, um, Sam and Dean, they’re glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they’re happy. Finally they don’t have to be so, um... so alone.” “Castiel, they were never alone.”

Dean is angry at Cas for not telling him and Sam about Jack: “We don’t know what happened, but I swear, if he did something to her, if she is... then you’re dead to me.” “Dean.” “No, he knew. He knew something was wrong with the kid. He knew it! And he didn’t tell us! He didn’t even tell us!”

Cas is ashamed of his lack of foresight, and Dean is not willing to forgive him this time: “I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I... I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world, and he was good for US. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn’t malice, it wasn’t evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. What he did wasn’t bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn’t want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own, felt like it was my responsibility. So I left, and I didn’t tell you. If I could go back and just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can’t, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed...” “No, no. Don’t even say it. Don’t even say her name.”

At Mary’s funeral pyre, Cas moves toward Dean to comfort him, but Sam stops him and shakes his head. Cas stays where he is, looking forlorn.

14.19 Jack in the Box

After Mary’s funeral, Dean goes off on his own to cry in the woods.

When Dumah threatens to end the happiness of Mary and John Winchester in Heaven, Cas doesn’t hesitate to kill her immediately.

When Cas finds out Dean and Sam locked Jack in the Ma’lak box, he gets angry and refuses to go along with it. He argues about it with Dean: “Even after hearing what I said, you wanna keep Jack sealed in a living death?” “He agreed to it. Because deep down I think he knows it’s best.” “No. You’re doing what Dumah... you are manipulating him. What? You just wanna forget about him?” “I wish I could forget about him! After what he did? And you know what he can do. This is our only play.”

14.20 Moriah

After Jack escapes the Ma’lak box, Cas is still angry about the Winchesters’ manipulation, and he and Dean continue fighting about Jack: “You should never have tried to lock him away.” “You know what? You’re right. I never wanted to put him in that damn box. I wanted him dead.” “Dean!” “He’s dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You’ve known it for a long time! But that’s okay. You know why? Because me and Sam, we’ve killed just about everything there is. And this, Jack, oh we’ll find a way, because he’s just another monster.” “You don’t mean that.” “The hell I don’t.” Cas walks away furious.

While talking with Chuck, Cas remains determined to save Jack, and Dean continues to push back against Castiel’s optimism: “Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way.” “And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael, was to lock YOU in a box. There has to be another way.” “Well, there’s not. Now, I know you don’t like it, and I don’t really care. ‘Cause you just heard it from God himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board or walk away.” Cas walks away.

Dean approaches Jack to kill him, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger.

Cas is distraught after Chuck kills Jack, but he is able to compose himself in order to fight the monster horde with Dean and Sam.

#destiel #dean x castiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spn #deancas

[firefly124-writing]

Something Bright to Dispel the Gloom

Title: Something Bright to Dispel the Gloom Fandom: Supernatural Pairing/Characters: Dean/Cas Rating/Warnings: T, spoilers through SPN 15x07 Prompt: <a href=https://imgur.com/OWsPHZj>poinsettia</a> Summary: A road trip to Salina had sounded like a good idea when Dean had suggested it.  Cas hadn’t been back for long, though, and this was shaping up to be the world’s most awkward road trip ever. A/N: Written for the AdventDrabbles community on Dreamwidth to the prompt poinsettia.

AO3 Link or

The drive to Salina had been mostly just Zeppelin at full volume.  A road trip to Salina had sounded like a good idea when Dean had suggested it.  Cas hadn’t been back for long, though, and this was shaping up to be the world’s most awkward road trip ever.  Dean wasn’t sure what he’d say if he and Cas tried to have a conversation now.  The list was just too long and too impossible.

“Dean,” Cas cut into his thoughts, “can we stop here.”

Dean slowed and pulled into the thrift store parking lot.  When he cut the engine, he almost turned the key back to be able to keep the music going, but then decided maybe he should go in.  Christmas was coming, after all, so maybe he should be thinking about gifts sometime before Christmas Eve.  So instead, he locked up the Impala and followed Cas inside.

To his surprise, Cas grabbed a shopping cart and simply began piling coats and sweaters into it.

“Cas?” Dean asked.

“It occurred to me that it would be potentially divisive to bring one sweater to a group of homeless men,” Cas said.  “I do not think there will be enough for all, but perhaps at least for all who do not have sufficiently warm clothing.”

“Dude, how are you gonna pay…?”

Cas held up a credit card Dean had never seen before.  Had he picked up the skill to create his own now?

“Charlie,” Cas said.  “Apocalypse-world Charlie helped me with this.  I believe this purchase will remain within the parameters she cautioned me to observe.”

Dean wondered about that, but he knew better than to pit his own computer against any version of Charlie. 

All thoughts of Christmas shopping long gone, Dean followed Cas to the cash register.  The clerk dutifully rang everything up and was telling Cas to swipe his card, when Cas reached to the side and grabbed a plant.  A poinsettia.  Dean wasn’t entirely sure it was real.

As they loaded up the car, Dean questioned the add-on.

“The shelter is very drab inside,” Cas said.  “At least, I presume it still is.  A bit of seasonal color may help those who are suffering from depression. Something bright to dispel the gloom.”

Dean winced.  He should’ve known when Cas had a particular shelter in mind that it was one he’d personally been to.  Stayed at.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered as Cas slid into the passenger seat next to him.

“Sorry for what, Dean?” Cas asked.  “Throwing me out of the bunker to protect Sam?  We’ve been over that.  Or is there something more recent you’d like to discuss?”

Dean pressed his lips together and turned on the engine.

Once they’d dropped off the donations and said goodbye to the cheerful fellow who ran the place (and apparently knew Cas and had way too much to say to him out of Dean’s earshot), it was time to head back.  Dean was getting hungry, but that was the last thing he was going to bring up right now.  He could last till they got back, or maybe he could grab something when they stopped for gas.  Again.

About a mile out of town, he finally cracked.

“All of it,” he said.  “I’m sorry for all of it.  For blaming you for Mom.  For Rowena.  I was pissed at the world, but none of that was on you.  I had doubts about Jack too.  And I should never have trusted Belphagor.”

“I still do not understand how the fact he wore Jack’s face inspired trust in you,” Cas said.  “I realize you could not see his demonic visage as I could, but you did not trust Jack. Why in the world would you trust a demon wearing his corpse?”

“I didn’t.”  Dean shrugged.  “Just… it’s all too big.  Too much. So tackling one problem at a time, first the ghosts and then the demon, that was the only way I could think to do it.”

Silence fell for the next couple of miles.

“I forgive you, Dean,” Cas said.  “I have and will always forgive you.”

“Thanks, man.”  Dean ran his fingers through his hair, not taking his eyes off the road.  “Are we good?”

“I don’t know.”  Cas sighed. Dean wondered about that sometimes. Was that just a habit of his vessel left over from Jimmy?  Cas didn’t need to breathe, much less sigh, and yet he did.  “I would like for us to be ‘good,’ and yet it seems every time we begin to work well together, something goes wrong, and you hold me responsible.”

Yeah, Dean could see that.

“Mary told me, once, that she was glad I had come into your and Sam’s lives. That she had always told you when she put you to bed that angels were watching over you, and now she knew it was true, even if she didn’t trust most of them anymore.”

Dean felt like he’d been poked in the gut with a salted knife.

“I didn’t tell her this.  Perhaps I should have.  But now I need to tell you, Dean.  You know full well that I am not perfect.  I am at least as fallible as you are.”  Cas paused as if considering his words carefully.  “Just because you were told as a child that angels would protect you, something we have all failed repeatedly to do, that does not mean I deserve to be treated as though everything wrong in the world, everything that goes wrong in your life, is my fault.”

Dean swallowed a couple of times before he could speak.  “Is that what I do?”

“Your mother gave me great insight into your early life, which I think has shaped you in ways you do not recall or realize.  Yes, I believe that is exactly what you do.”

Dean chewed that over for the next dozen miles or so.

“I know I can be a dick to you,” he said finally.  “I’m not sure if that’s why, but it kind of makes sense.”

Cas didn’t say anything.  When Dean stole a glance at him, the angel was looking straight ahead.

“I can’t promise I’ll never fuck up again.  But I can promise to try not to take shit out on you.”

“Then I think,” Cas said, “we can, perhaps, be ‘good.’”

It was less than Dean had hoped for, but more than he probably deserved.

When they had to stop for gas, Cas volunteered to man the pump so Dean could take a leak and pick up something to eat.  When he went to check out, Dean saw a display by the register that had little poinsettias like the one Cas had bought earlier.  By the time he got outside, Cas had finished filling Baby’s tank and was back in the car.  When Dean handed him the fake flower, he looked surprised.

“What is this for?”

“I know Sam and Eileen kind of did up the library,” Dean said, “but last time I checked, your room is still kind of ‘drab.’  Thought you might like some seasonal color to brighten it up.”

The smile Cas gave him in reply was all the brightness Dean could ask for.

#spn spoilers #spn 15x07 #destiel #adventdrabbles #profoundnet

[mittensmorgul]

Has Chuck ever talked about why he brought Cas back? I'm watching The Man Who Would Be King and it's a massive point of contingency. Cas is clearly important to God, has that ever been brought back up?

Hi there... I don’t really get what the second message has to do with the first, but I’m gonna try to reply to both of these things, because these are two fundamentally unrelated issues. At least, I believe this is also a message from you, but please correct me if I’m wrong. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if two messages are supposed to go together in the inbox when they’re both from anons:

In that same season Let It Bleed shows Dean asking Cas to erase the memories of Lisa and Ben and that's like Cas' ultimate skill as an angel Stripping Memory and he did for Dean Just Like That. My Chuck has anything been addressed for Cas since season 6?

I think this is the only thing that Chuck has canonically said about the fact he kept bringing Cas back, and it was uttered during one of his lil tantrums in 11.20, while Metatron was prodding him into Doing The Right Thing for all of creation:

Chuck: You know I love those guys, but the world would still be spinning with demon Dean in it. But Sam couldn't have that, though, could he? And so how is Amara being out on me?Metatron: It's not. But you helped the Winchesters before.Chuck: Helped them? I've saved them! I've rebuilt Castiel more times than I can remember. Look where that got me.Metatron: So you're just gonna let Amara win?Chuck: Eh, it's her time to shine.

Chuck was still actively deflecting any responsibility for the Darkness. As if this ENTIRE problem didn’t directly spring from his initial act of locking her away in the first place. Granted, we wouldn’t have had Creation at all if he hadn’t, but he’d been willing to just sequester himself off in his little private bar at the end of all things while the rest of the universe crumbled around him rather than confront any of that. It was easier for him to just blame everyone else for... everything else... as if the problem hadn’t been his own refusal to deal with the fact that he was only one side of this Creation Coin, you know? It took the catalyst of Dean Winchester to bring those two sides together eventually in 11.23.

But getting back to your point... No, Chuck has never said directly, “I specifically and factually continued to resurrect Cas for these explicit purposes,” and then given us a bullet-pointed list.

Because your second question (and I think it’s yours, again) refers to something in 6.21 as being in “the same season” that Chuck resurrected Cas... but he first resurrected Cas in 5.01, after Raphael had exploded him in 4.22 (which happened offscreen, but we were TOLD it happened, by Chuck in 5.01.

Given what we know about the Empty, and the fact it’s where angels go when they die, and the fact that we know now that Jimmy died in 4.22 and went to Heaven and has been there ever since despite Cas having been resurrected in a replacement Jimmy Suit in 5.01... I think it’s safe to assume that Chuck (since he’d been literally standing RIGHT THERE when Cas went kablooie) held Cas in some sort of stasis, waiting to see what happened next. Remember, they’d been making it up as they went. NONE of what happened at the end of 4.22 and after that had been part of Chuck’s Grand Plan. It wasn’t in the script. It was something he hadn’t expected, and yet... it happened.

I don’t think he initially had a definite plan to resurrect Cas, but it had been one of the options he’d held open for himself. Cas had done something INTERESTING to him. He was an angel who demonstrated an act of rebellion and free will-- not the way Lucifer had by wanting to destroy and corrupt humanity, but out of love for Humanity and creation itself. Cas wanted to save the world from Chuck’s destined apocalypse. And Chuck being a shrewd creator, he plucked Cas out of the air before he could be zapped off to the Empty, knowing that such an Angel was an anomaly, and that he might just have a bigger part to play in the salvation of Creation.

In 6.20, I believe the scene you’re referring to is this one:

CASTIEL I was...done. I was over. And then the most extraordinary thing happened. I was put back. (Castiel stands behind Dean, beaten bloody by Lucifer) And we had won. We stopped Armageddon. (Castiel heals Dean) But at a terrible cost. (Castiel heals Bobby)(flashback to very end of 'Swan Song')EXT. OUTSIDE OF LISA BRAEDEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT(Sam stands under the streetlight, which flickers and dies, watching Dean inside Lisa's house. Castiel watches Sam.)CASTIEL And so I knew what I had to do next. Once again, I went to Harrow Hell, to free Sam from Lucifer's cage. It was nearly impossible, but I was so full of confidence, of mission. I see now that was arrogance...Hubris...Because, of course, I hadn't truly raised Sam -- not all of him.(flashback to 'Unforgiven': Sam is beating a cop unconscious; flashback to 'Live Free or Twi-Hard': Sam watches Dean being turned; flashback to 'Appointment in Samarra': Sam raises his dagger to stab Bobby) Sometimes we're lucky enough to be given a warning. (back in front of Lisa's house, Sam turns and walks away- directly past Castiel) This should have been mine.

But this was actually his SECOND resurrection. He was also speaking from a place of desperation, at his lowest point to date, knowing he was about to make A Huge Choice and desperately looking for ANY sort of guidance. It’s like he KNEW he’d already made a mistake, and couldn’t see any way out of this dire, horrific circumstance other than to just... keep pushing through and hope everything worked out in the end. He was trying to save the universe, again, single-handedly. And EVERYTHING was failing. He’d failed to protect Dean, he’d failed to resurrect Sam properly, he’d failed and failed and failed.

Like he said in 12.19, he NEEDED a win, he needed to return to Dean already having secured a win, to prove his own worth. He’s been dealing with this issue, this personal struggle, since he first discovered those Doorways To Doubt way back in s4.

In 7.23, also at a place of Lowest Depression, he had this to say about his continued resurrections:

CASTIEL: If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct?DEAN: I don't know. I guess.CASTIEL: And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or... I don't die – I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time.DEAN: I'm sorry. Uh, we're talking about God crap, right?CASTIEL: I'm not good luck, Dean.DEAN: Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you? [CASTIEL stares at DEAN.] What?CASTIEL: Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.DEAN: Yeah, well, I'm probably gonna die tomorrow, so...CASTIEL: Well, I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.

He was in such a low place that he sincerely believed he’d been repeatedly resurrected as a “punishment,” because he couldn’t see past his own guilt and trauma. But again, Dean held out a hand and offered him a different viewpoint. It was the first step toward Cas being able to forgive himself and move forward. He could finally begin “redeeming himself” in Dean’s eyes, which he’d promised back in 7.01. And that’s sort of the journey he’s been on ever since.

He’s been through a number of rough patches along the way, leading him to say Yes to Lucifer in 11.10, leading him to try to spare Sam and Dean from having to kill Kelly in 12.15-12.19, ultimately leading to his death (again! but the first death that Chuck hadn’t been standing by to catch him from and stop him from ever reaching the Empty) in 12.23.

For the first time, it was Cas HIMSELF that fought for his own resurrection, in which his own agency is what brought him back. He fought for HIMSELF.

*scrolls back up because I can’t even remember the question at this point...*

Aah, right... “Has anything been addressed for Cas since s6?” Um.. yes? Loads and loads? Which is why I have no idea how the second half of your question relates to the first...

I’ve barely scraped the tip of the iceberg here on that ONE issue, so short of writing a thesis on the narrative evolution of Castiel as a character that could probably span at least a trilogy of scholarly tomes, I don’t really know what else to say here... I’m honestly baffled that anyone could suggest that they’ve just not addressed Cas’s issues since s6, and wondering if we’re watching the same show.

#spn 6.20 #spn 4.22 #spn 5.01 #spn 6.21 #spn 7.01 #spn 7.23 #spn 11.20 #spn 11.10 #spn 12.15 #spn 12.19 #spn 12.23 #spn 13.04 #spn 13.06 #and i didn't even go into the s14 stuff that has Cas becoming the master via his education of jack i mean... #you learned it from the goats #castiel winchester #i am an honestly baffled mitten #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #Anonymous

[charlie-minion]

i liked seeing AU!Cas but i dont think it was plausible that he was in Jimmy's body. cas's whole reason to be on earth was to save dean from hell, if dean didn't exist wouldn't he have been just another random angel then? also flashback cas when he was in the woman seemed to have some slight "something" (when she flinched at the child being killed) & season 4 cas was very cold/stern at first but not cruel b4 befriending dean, what do you think made him that way in the AU world?

Hey, dear! I have no idea why Castiel is the only angel that has the same vessel in this universe (poor Jimmy never stood a chance), but I can try to provide a reasonable explanation. I mean, we can talk about themes and how important it was that our Cas could literally see himself when he stabbed his au version, but nothing in-show explains why Jimmy and why the accent. 

Both Castiels would have recognized each other even if AU!Cas had been in a different vessel, the same way Lucifer and Michael recognized each other, but having AU!Cas played by Misha was more for Castiel’s benefit (and therefore, the audience) than anything else. WE and Castiel needed to see AU!Cas wearing the same face our Cas does but being utterly broken. 

In-show, we can explain it with the “butterfly effect” and nothing else. According to Wikipedia, Novak is a Slavic surname, so we have to think that in this universe, for whatever reason, Jimmy’s ancestors didn’t go to America and that’s why he has the non-American accent.

“Cas’s whole reason to be on earth was to save dean from hell, if dean didn’t exist wouldn’t he have been just another random angel then?”

Castiel was just another random angel following Heaven’s orders. Angels wanted the Apocalypse to happen, and we have to believe that Castiel was sent on whatever mission that required a vessel, precisely in a territory where his true non-American vessel was. 

We don’t really know everything that happened in the AU and that gives the writers enough freedom to play with vessels. Fanfic writers could come up with very nice ways to fill-in the blanks, I’m sure. 

The thing is that having AU!Cas look exactly like our Cas was important to the story, because it was the final moment Cas needed. He started the season facing himself (the Empty) and ended the season facing another version of himself. He was the winner both times. He overcame his depression arc and realized that he made all the right choices in our world when he chose Dean humanity over Heaven (just as Mary did the same, via learning her au version didn’t save John). 

That was the end of the guilt-ridden arc for Castiel. And I’m so happy about it that I can forgive the canon acrobatics to make the thing about the vessel work. 

also flashback cas when he was in the woman seemed to have some slight “something” (when she flinched at the child being killed) & season 4 cas was very cold/stern at first but not cruel b4 befriending dean, what do you think made him that way in the AU world?

I need the conversation between Cas and Naomi in 8x21 to answer this: 

CASTIEL: We were supposed to be their shepherds, not their murderers.

NAOMI: Not always, angel. There was that day, back in Egypt, not so long ago, where we slew every first-born infant whose door wasn’t splashed with lamb’s blood. And that was just PR.

CASTIEL: Well, I wasn’t there.

NAOMI: Oh, you were there. You just don’t remember it.

CASTIEL: How— how many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?

NAOMI: Frankly? Too damn many. You’re the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely.

What was the first confession Cas made to Dean in 4x08?

“Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? I’m not a… hammer as you say. I have questions, I have doubts. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore.” 

Castiel might have become Dean’s faith, but Dean was an important catalyst for Cas, too. It was precisely Dean’s faith and seeing that Heaven was corrupted (thanks to Uriel) that made Castiel help Dean in 4x18. What was the result of that? Cas was taken to “Bible camp” in 4x20 and was reprogrammed again. Who broke through that? DEAN. Who broke through Naomi’s programming once more in 8x17? DEAN! 

In a world where Dean was never born, Castiel was still a spanner in the works, but he was probably reprogrammed again and again until they broke him. 

Because, as AU!Cas himself said, we need to remember…

Too much heart has always been Castiel’s problem in our world and in any other. The thing is that in our world, Dean helped Cas break free from Heaven’s influence. Cas already had doubts, but he was still serving Heaven and the moment he showed hesitation, he was reprogrammed… until Dean. 

In the AU world, Castiel was reprogrammed again and again and there was no one who could break through that. The only one who broke was Castiel himself. 

#anon asks #supernatural #13x22 #spn spoilers #au!cas #castiel #castiel meta

[jemariel]

Baby’s First Fic Rec List

Well Hello There! Somehow I made it to 366 followers!! I intended to do this celebration for 350 but, y’know, life, holidays.... So here it is now!

I haven’t been around this fandom very long, but I have never felt so at home and welcomed by a fandom. I’ve also spent the last year or so reading Destiel fic like it was my calling, my passion, my civic duty. Fun fact: when you dive into a fandom with 12 years of accumulated fanfic, there’s a deep deep well to draw from.....

And so, in honor of 350(ish) followers and my first year(ish) with this fandom, I present to you this list of recommendations! Just some faves and things I enjoyed reading . All are Destiel. Most are smutty. Mix of canonverse and AU, fluff and grit, plot and silliness. Some preference given to fics with fewer hits/kudos/comments than I think they deserve.

Happy reading!

....The Non-Smut....

mistletoe & peppermint cocoa by navylights Rated T 5.5k Summary: Cas and Dean are on a mission: to pick up the perfect Christmas tree for their first Christmas with everyone alive and well.And while Cas and Dean are out shopping, and buying cocoa on a snowy afternoon, a certain meddling younger brother is putting up mistletoe in the bunker.(Or, the absurdly fluffy Christmas carols/cocoa/mistletoe/tree decorating/Christmas lights fic of your dreams)

Dean Winchester’s Secret (Angel) Boyfriend by reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Rated T 11.2k Summary: Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas... (Reccer’s note: It’s kind of rare to see really excellent extended-cast ensemble work in fanfic. But this? This is that.)

Raisin D’etre by starsinursa Rated G 1.1k Summary:  Apparently, Castiel hates raisins. (Reccer’s note: THIS IS THE CUTEST THING ON TWO LEGS.)

....Absolute Faves.....

Our Bodies, Possessed By Light by obstinatrix Rated E 40k Summary: Purged of all his souls, Castiel is a changed being, stronger than an angel and too powerful for Jimmy's body to contain. Happily, there's an archangel's vessel on hand, and he could use fixing, too. Dean isn't too happy about the idea of his brother acting as a vessel for Castiel, and Sam can guess why, but it isn't until Castiel gets inside his head and they learn to share the vessel -- and their thoughts -- that Sam realises Cas is as in love with Dean as Dean is with him. It's unfortunate that there's nothing much to be done about it now, but Castiel will get another vessel soon. The Winchesters will make damn sure of that. In the meantime, it's up to the three of them to establish their own strange accord, and Dean realises more fully than ever that it's Castiel, and not his vessel, that he loves. (Reccer’s note: Don’t let the premise squick you. This is very CLEARLY a Destiel story, in spite of Sam’s front row seat. I love all the relationships in this fic, Sam and Dean’s brotherly antagonizing/affection, Sam and Cas’s growing friendship, Cas and Dean’s straining, passionate adoration. All three of them are superbly written, but Cas especially. This also has some of the most scorchingly hot not-quite-sex ever written. Seriously. How can something be so fucking hot when everyone’s wearing two layers of clothing? Beats me.)

Rock ‘n’ Roll Queer Bar (series) by ChasingRabbits Rated E 126.7k Summary: Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without. (Reccer’s note: The description doesn’t really do this series justice. This is the most realistic and beautifully and believably written long-term relationship I have ever read. They go through so much together, and they do it all TOGETHER. It’s beautiful. I devoured this in a day and a half, then went right back to the beginning and read it all over again. It’s Just. That. Good.)

Lots more under the cut!

....Shorts....

Angel-Mine by reluctant Rated E 4.3k Summary: Cas exhaled. "When an angel's wings are injured," he said to his feet, "the healing process can be augmented by… grooming, I suppose, would be the most accurate word. Removal of the maimed feathers to allow growth of healthy ones. Otherwise, they're left to fall out alone." He tilted his head towards the nightstand. "As you see." Dean stared at him. "So… that's why I can't help?" he said slowly. "'Cause I can't, y'know… see 'em? Or touch 'em?" "Yes," Cas said, slightly too quickly, and Dean snorted. "You're still a shitty liar, Cas," he informed him. "What ain't you tellin' me?"

Casturbatus Interruptus by smallhorizons Rated E 6.1k Summary: post-9.01, in a slight AU wherein Cas comes to live with the Winchesters at the Bunker. Written before 9.03. Crossposting from Tumblr. Written for a prompt from hightopsandsharpies: "Okay, so Cas is a virgin, and has no idea what pleasure is and Dean decides to show him and Cas gets all cuddly and needy afterwards." Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control. 

Angelus Domini by xylodemon Rated E 3.2k Summary:  "You're a fucking dick," Dean says, right to God's face. (Reccer’s note: In which Dean and Sam gain some heavenly grace and Dean and Cas don’t waste any time at all.)

we can watch the white doves go by xylodemon Rated E 2.7k Summary: "Wait," Dean says, just as the door snicks closed. It comes out as barely whisper; he clears his throat and tries again, a little louder this time. "Cas, I -- wait."

Oh! Darling! by castielsdemons Rated M 6.6k Summary:  Now that Castiel has fallen, Dean wants to let him know how much he cares about him. And if it takes two or three (or eight) tries to get it right, then so be it. Or, the seven times Dean tried to tell Cas he loves him and the one time he actually got it right. 

....Mid-length....

The Curious Case of Dean’s Missing Libido by thejabberwock Rated E 7k Summary: It’s been weeks since Castiel told Dean he loves him. Weeks since Dean answered him with a kiss. It’s been weeks, and they haven’t had sex.

Pronoun yourself out of this one, Dean by zation Rated E 11k Summary: When Dean gets hit by a gender-swapping witch spell it not so fun for anyone, until it’s kinda fun. Or, The one where Dean gets to discover a whole lot of new things. Like what nice hands Cas has, for instance.

Freckles by 2spooky4u Rated E 7k Summary: "I had to draw all them perfectly," Cas insists, and Dean suddenly can't get rid of the image of Cas, clutching on to a Crayola washable marker, jamming it into his skin forcefully like a little kid mashes his markers on the paper in a vehement attempt to make the color deeper. "And now you're insulted 'cause I don't appreciate 'em?" Dean asks, bewildered. "No," Cas lies petulantly. "Huh." The stubborn child version of Cas Dean has painted in his mind is now clutching his paper possessively, shielding it from scrutiny.They drive in silence for a while. "Thank you for making my freckles," Dean grouses finally, knowing that it's the only way Cas will forgive him. ((((OR, IN WHICH CAS LIKES DEAN AND HIS FRECKLES, AND DEAN IS STUBBORNLY HETEROSEXUAL))))

Sam Accidentally Sees the Whole Picture by almaasi Rated E 10.4k Summary: Sam's been through a lot lately, what with tonight's hunt rendering his skin an aching shade of purple and all. He can deal with Dean being overly concerned about Cas' broken finger, and - God help him - he puts up with the sound of their preposterously soppy love confessions and first kisses on the adjacent bed. But he cannot be expected to remain silent and feign sleep throughout the entire duration of their first-ever lovemaking session. He just can't. Especially not, because it seems apparent that Cas is more intent on deflowering himself than letting Dean do it.

The Things We Did (But Never Spoke Of) (series) by BadassCompany Rated E 17.9k Summary:  Now and then, when there is quiet from the bloodshed and chaos of the world, I think of Dean Winchester. About the things we did; beautiful, glorious, rough skin and wet lips; but never spoke of. He didn't want to talk, only to feel, and I didn't know what to say. ~A partially complete series of canon compliant smutty oneshots.~

worthy by jad Rated E 14.8k Summary: "... you wanna what, now?" Dean asks, because he definitely didn't hear that right.Castiel tilts his head, a leftover tick from his angel days that Dean would be lying if he claimed to find anything but idiotically endearing. He knows this is his own fault, owing to that rather memorable moment a week ago when Cas wandered into this very same kitchen with a (fairly) legitimate question and Dean just didn't know when to shut up.

The Adventures of Real Anal Sex (Starring Dean and Castiel) by tiptoe39 Rated E 9.7k Summary: This is how it really happened. Because this is how it really happens. Thanks for the tweet, Astroglide -- product placement is now yours! (Reccer’s note: Adding some of the relevant tags: Awkward Sexual Situations, yes people go to the bathroom in this fic. Butt stuff ain’t always Harlequin Romance perfect, but honestly? It’s better that way.)

Go with the Flow by starsinursa Rated E 7.6k Summary: The smug bastard obviously think he’s won this argument, because there’s no way Dean is following him into a yoga class. The day Dean starts saluting the sun and humming ‘om’ under his breath like he’s part of some creepy hive mind like the Borg Collective, well, he might as well just start making his own potpourri and frequenting vegan bakeries, too. Not gonna happen.So yeah, Cas is right, damn him. There’s no way in hell Dean is following him into a yoga class. There’s no way. There’s no way –- ahhh, fuck. Fuck it all.

....Novellas/Novels....

Oxymora by thejabberwock Rated E 27.6k Summary: Good things don’t happen to Dean, so he’s not even surprised when Cas tells him he misunderstood the I love you. (Reccer’s note: This hurts so good. The payoff is worth the pain. Warning for Dean/others.)

riptides by sharkfish (waitforspring) Rated E 39.9k, WIP Summary: “I’m going to kiss you now.” Cas pauses, giving Dean a chance to back out, but Dean just licks his lips and waits. Cas’s mouth is up against Dean’s for a couple seconds before Dean responds, and then it’s Cas that’s being kissed senseless, because kissing is definitely not something Dean does tentatively. Dean reaches up to cup Cas’s jaw in his hand, tilting his head for a better angle, mouth plush, tasting like whiskey. Cas tries to remember what it was like the first time he kissed a man. All-encompassing, the world jerking off its axis, the feel of stubble under his fingers intense in a way it never really is with women, as much as he loves them.

Cabin Fever by Dangerousnotbroken Rated E 35k Summary: Due to a romantic-comedy level booking blunder, grumpy stress-case Dean and reclusive writer Castiel end up shuttled off to the same remote cabin for two weeks, and nobody seems to care that neither of them wants to be there. But since they’re stuck in the same cabin for the duration of their vacation, they might as well play nice and make the best of it right? Wrong. Dean’s so stressed out he can’t sit still, Cas can’t boil water without setting the place on fire, and they’re so on each other’s nerves it’ll be a miracle if either of them survives until their rides home arrive. At least the tension is just social, and not sexual, right? Right?

traveling light by sharkfish (waitforspring) Rated E 42.8k Summary: Cas is, impossibly, far more gorgeous in person, and he’s taller than Dean expected, and he moves with this casual grace that makes Dean’s brain short circuit.So Dean thinks he probably looks a little like a deer in the headlights when Cas catches his eyes from the door of the restaurant. He breaks out into a smile, the full, wide one that never came out in his pictures, and Dean actually goes weak in the knees. “Cas,” Dean says.“Hello, Dean,” Cas says. (Reccer’s note: Cas is FtM trans in this story and it gives me... so many feels.)

What Once Was Sacred by saltandbyrne Rated E 55.8k Summary: Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by beenghosting Rated E 22.4k Summary: This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. (Reccer’s note: Warning for angst.)

PWP: Pie Without Plot by MajorEnglishEsquire, orange_crushed Rated M 82.5k Summary: he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything (Reccer’s note: Warning for fluff.)

Strangers on a Bus by Terene Rated E 59.7k Summary: Castiel is flummoxed. This is a social situation he is not equipped to handle. What is the protocol when the stranger sitting next to you on a bus, whom you incidentally find very attractive, falls asleep with his head on your shoulder?

And now, a Shameless Self Endorsement.  Hope you stop by. ^__^

I’ve tagged a few authors here whose tumblrs I’m familiar with so @starsinursa @thejabberwock @xylodemon​ @reallyelegantsharkfish​ you’re in there! Many hearts to you, thanks for sharing your talents.

Others who might appreciate: @magnificent-winged-beast @daughter-of-the-rain-and-snow @saawek @sactownbrowns3 @rosemoonweaver @woahthisguy @suckerfordeansfreckles @rosemoonweaver @cas-essence @yourspecialeyes @yeneffersalamander @naruhearts @bae-in-a-trenchcoat @bend-me-shape-me @babyinthetrench @gneisscastiel @deaneatscake @silvie111 @jhoomwrites @tankewinchester @paperwhitenarcissus @thedogsled @helianthus21 @weathergirl83​ @ltleflrt​ 

#fic recs #destiel fanfic #fanfiction #destiel fic rec #other people's fanfiction #to read #want to read #follower celebration #fanfic rec list #destiel fanfiction #destiel fic

[malmuses]

A Very Human Risk - Part 3 - Castiel

Author’s Notes:

Welcome back! Or hello, if you’re here for the first time. (In which case, you may want to start here.)

Our first peek at Cas’s perspective is a little shorter, but somewhat heavier, than our forays with the Winchesters. It’s a little more ‘wall of text’ but somehow that felt better for the character than the first draft did, so I hope you’ll forgive me for that.

Please do slide me a quick message or comment to say hi if you enjoy the fic, I’d love to get people’s feedback on how it’s going.

Above all, enjoy!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

A Very Human Risk

Part 3 – Castiel

“Hmm.”

Castiel made a small noise of contemplation as he worked loose his tie, dropping it onto the small wooden bench next to the motel shower. What did I do wrong? He contemplated stoically, running back over Dean’s expressions and sounds during their discussion as he shed his white shirt. Dean seemed flustered and embarrassed, judging from his pupil dilation and raised pulse… but why would he be so from that topic? I brought it up, not him…false modesty?

Shoes, belt and pants folded neatly onto the bench.

Humans can still be so confusing sometimes. Even being one only helped so much. Understanding their emotions…. and my emotions now, I suppose… seems a never ending task. Shaking his head a fraction he neatly folded his underwear on top of his dress pants before he stepped into the plastic stall, following Dean’s instructions to get washed up.

Cas didn’t need to take showers, but he did like them. Most of his memories of being human were fuzzy, unpleasant and overwhelming. So much….feeling. Pain was bright, commanding. Loneliness was quieter, yet harder to ignore. Heartbreak, he’d discovered, was a physical heaviness in the chest like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Like when Dean had sent him away. You can’t stay. Few pleasant things about being human remained clear in his memory, washed out by the all-encompassing feeling of just…feeling. Showers were definitely one of the most pleasing. The warmth trickling over his human body, the feeling of heat and liquid movement… it had reminded him, at the time, of wrapping his wings in tight about himself so that he could rocket up to the sky and beyond. Now, even as an angel, that feeling was lost to him. He wanted to fly, but he couldn’t. His tattered wings served only as another reminder of all he had lost. The showers though, remained.

He turned the heat up far higher than would have been comfortable as a human, trying to burn out the fleeting memory of all those negative emotions. But he knew there was a reason he couldn’t forget that feeling… that moment where he’d have sworn the world had dropped from under his chair as Dean dismissed him from the bunker. From his only home and only family. He knew why, now. He understood and it didn’t even occur to him to be mad that Sam would always come first. That protecting Sam would always be more important than protecting him. Dean and Sam were brothers, tighter than Cas had ever seen human families. He wasn’t mad. So why couldn’t he forget? Because that moment where I thought Dean didn’t want me to stay….. was the first time I was able to understand that I wanted to stay. More than anything. I wanted to stay with Dean. It had always been there, it wasn’t new – that electric connection between he and Dean. But until he was human, he’d never truly been able to understand the depth of what it was.

He reached for the tiny bar of soap the motel had provided; Dean had already used it thoroughly and the extra soap and bubbles had glooped and stuck to the little plastic shelf. He reached out to work it easily free and paused, looking at his fingers and remembering Sam’s hand an hour or so ago, resting on his knee. It had been a simple, comforting connection. Very human. Castiel felt a rush of affection and appreciation for Sam, this giant of a man who had always been his friend. A human brother who forgave easily and always tried to understand him, even though he knew as an angel he was incomprehensible to most humans. It was very like Sam to want to reassure Cas that he felt no ill or judgement towards him, for what he now realized must have been an increasingly obvious crush on his older brother. 

Cas was used to being judged. It was part of his makeup. He had been judged and controlled before he fell, and long after. Loving Sam was easy… he was smart for a human, curious and simple to get along with. Thinking briefly to his celestial brothers, Cas momentarily considered that Sam would have been an excellent angel. A proper one, as he believed they had been intended to be. He loved Sam as a true brother. But loving Dean… loving Dean was pain. It was the opposite of simple. They fought, Cas because he could never say what he truly wanted to say and Dean because he didn’t understand Cas’s erratic actions. By never speaking of the truth of their situation, Cas had been able to continue to love Dean as a brother and friend, fighting by his side and doing what he could to share his burdens. The idea of jeopardizing that relationship, of risking feeling that heartbreak again by expressing those thoughts he had hinted at in the car…. Sam had been right. That is a very human risk.

Soaping down his body with the tiny white bar, Cas leaned his forehead against the wall of the shower and sighed softly. Be brave, brother… The voice floated unbidden through his mind on a wave of memory, a voice he hadn’t heard for several years. Gabriel. The most human of his haughty archangel brothers, it was Gabe to whom Cas had been closest in the recent millennia. Maybe Michael, once… but that was long ago. Before Lucifer. It seemed only Gabriel saw and understood the things that Cas did about this world. Ha, be brave. Cas thought sourly. His trickster brother would have had no problems there – if he’d have wanted Dean, he’d have flirted and smiled and whisked him off into bed the second he met him, whether Dean was straight or gay or anything in between. It wouldn’t have mattered; it was Gabriel. Castiel wasn’t like that. He’d never been confident in himself in that way, like many of his brothers were. He’d never had the cause or the time to worry about it. There were things about himself he was sure of; that he was one of Heaven's best warriors, that he was a superior tactician and that his aerial skills drew the eyes of many an angel. Hannah had noted once that as an angel, he was attractive and popular… before his fall. He’d been respected. Now, he was an outcast…and he was fairly sure if Dean saw his true face, he’d feel nothing but fear. They were too different. He looked down at his vessel, the water cascading across his smoothly muscled stomach and compact runner’s thighs. Now…. I am this. Jimmy gave me his everything and yet there is a part of me that wishes…. Another vessel would have been easier, perhaps. Maybe Dean would have liked me if I was different. The realization came cascading over him with full force once he let it in, and he raised a hand to the wall next to his forehead, supporting himself as he slumped slightly. This is what I am now. Not quite angel, not quite man. My heart won’t be returned to me because Dean will never see past this vessel. I’m nothing, and I am alone.

His shoulders shook as he felt the full humanity of his heart.

Thanks for reading! If you want to dive back inside Dean’s head and see where we go, check back tomorrow!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

#destiel #deancas #s13 #supernatural #spn #allthefeels #fluff #impala #shippersam #samshipsit #dean winchester #sam winchester #cas #castiel #castiel winchester #post-empty #dean grief #first time #fanfic #fanfiction #canon divergent #karolina dean #sam #misha collins #dean cas #confessions #first kiss #optional smut #supernatural s13 #team free will

[supernaturalfuckers]

Wayward Siblings Chapter Four- Warning Nephilim Driving (Part One)

Link to Chapter One

Link to Chapter Two 

Link to Chapter Three

“Jack, Jack wake up” Claire says shaking my shoulder, I open my eyes and look up at her.

“I was already awake” I say sitting up.

“Then why were you laying down?” she says sarcastically.

“I will wake Sam and Dean” I say standing up.

“No don't wake them. I told them I would teach you how to drive before we go after the trickster this afternoon” she says, picking up the keys and beckoning me out the door quietly. I blink at the brightness of the morning sun and join her by the Impala.

“Don't you have your own car?” I ask as she leans against the Impala swiping her hand across the hood lovingly.

“Yes, but this car is ten times better than my old junker” she answers getting in the driver's seat. I slip into the front seat next to her.

“Why are you so nice to me?” I ask looking at her, she had multiple little jewels on her ear and they fascinated me.

“Because I don't know why Dean hates you. It wouldn't be right for me to make opinions about you before I know who you are” she says as the car backs up out of the parking spot.

“First thing you need to know, never press the brake and the gas down at the same time” Claire says from the passenger seat. I gently place my hands on the wheel and press down gently on the gas. A weird screeching sound comes from the car and I pull my foot off quickly.

“You need to disengage the parking brake Jack” Claire says laughing.

“Oh” I say smiling at her laughter. I grab the gear shift and switch it out of park and into drive.

“So, son of Satan huh?” Claire says as I gently inch along trying to get a feel for the car.

“Lucifer is my biological father yes, but Castiel is my father” I say pressing down on the brake.

“Don’t press down so suddenly on the brake, Cas is your father?” Claire says cocking her head sideways.

“Yes. He helped my mom, took care of her, protected her. He died protecting us. I heard Sam and Dean talking to you about Castiel. What is he to you?” I ask and Claire looks at me surprised. “Castiel is my father also. Well, in a way. His vessel, Jimmy Novak, is my father, Castiel tries to make up for having taken my father's form on occasion but I…” she sighs shaking her head. “I forgave him a long time ago” she continues. I nod before her words dawn on me.

“Does that mean we are siblings?” I say as I inch the car forward barely using the gas.

“Sure. If you want to think of us that way.” Claire says as she shows me how to turn the wheel for a right turn. I smile widely looking at her and I press my foot down on the brake.

Suddenly, the Impala lurches forward and runs straight into a light post. I hear a loud crashing sound and the sound of metal being bent.

“Wrong pedal!” I yell quickly moving my foot to the actual brake.

“Holy crap! Jack!” Claire screams from beside me as her head slams into the dashboard. I see blood trickle down her face as I put the car in park. “Oh no! Jack! Dean is going to murder me!” Claire says as she gets out of the car, I get out with her as she examines the damage. “Oh shit….” she says touching her hand to her head her fingers covered in blood, she stumbles and I grab her elbows to support her. “Here” I say pressing my fingers against her forehead instinctively and using my powers to heal her.

“Thank you. How did you do that?” she asks regaining her balance.

“I am part angel” I say and she gives me a look I had gotten accustomed to seeing. The look that says ‘very helpful’ but isn't actually helpful. She places her hands on the crumpled hood of the car and sighs.

“Dean is never going to forgive me for stealing his baby. Especially after I crashed it” she says rubbing her head with her hands.

“But you didn't crash it…” I say confused.

“No. I did. According to Dean, I did. He's already mean enough to you. No need to add you crashing his car to it” she says, sitting down in the only smooth part left of the hood. “Too bad you can't use your ‘part angel mojo’ stuff to fix the car.” she says a wry smile on her face. For someone who was potentially facing Dean Winchester's wrath she was oddly calm about it. I frown, knowing she wouldn't allow me to take the blame, I could sense that about her. I didn't want her to get into trouble because of me.

As Claire went to the passenger seat and got out her phone I placed my hands on the hood and concentrated, healing Claire had come naturally to me, now why couldn't I fix the car. I narrowed my eyes and focused on what I wanted to do trying to tap into my powers. I felt my powers flare within me and the sound of metal scraping and bending slowly as the car reversed back as the hood and all the parts of the engine restored back to normal. I smile at my handiwork, glad I had been able to control my powers. “How the hell?” Claire says her phone slipping out of her hand in shock. She looks at me and then back at the car which looked as good as new. “How did you do that?” she says taking a step backwards.

“I am a nephilim” I say looking down in shame. I had only meant to help her, not make her afraid of me and my powers.

“Wow, okay I know that, but you are way more powerful than any nephilim I have read about. I suppose being the son of an archangel is why”  she says picking up her phone and putting it in her back pocket.

I sat back on the newly fixed hood of the Impala.

“What's wrong?” she says sitting down next to me.

“Dean says my powers are dangerous and that when he figures out how to do it he is going to kill me. And I really don't blame him, what if he is right to be scared of my powers? I am scared of them. They are wild, and unpredictable and they hurt people, even when I don't want them too.” I say flatly. I look up at her slowly, “Am I evil?”

“No, Jack, no. Having powers isn't something to be afraid of, especially if you were born with them. Dean is just a drama queen. I know Sam wont let him hurt you.” she says looking down at her phone which had pinged with a notification from Dean asking where we were “Speak of the devil” she says under her breath. I looked at her ears again as she replied. Why would someone put jewels in their ears? It befuddled me. “You’re not responsible for Castiel's death. Even if it was your father that killed him. You can't choose your parents. Dean is just projecting his grief upon you” she says putting her phone in her back pocket. She shivers slightly and I removed my jacket. “Here” I say holding it out to her. She smiles and accepts it nodding, “See Jack. If you were so evil, why was your first instinct to give me your coat. That's not the act of an evil person” she says leaning against me goodnaturedly. “Come on Jack, we need to teach you how to drive without crashing before Dean decides to murder me for stealing his car” she says sitting up. I stand up beside her and walk arounds to the driver's seat determined not to crash again.

Tag list!!!!! Message @yo-high-functioning-sociopath to be added to the tag list!)

@somekindofsaviour @canyouactuallybelievesomeone @mastermisha-inthetardis-221b @dragonsareattackinghogwarts @psychocrazii @katrina-keesee @hpafterlife @dean-is-bi-till-the-day-i-die @charliethechocolateeater @animegeneral17 @nikoletta128 @tinyvelociraptor2319 @undertalistuck @tgpanther @alphaaroace @sailormew4 @lunawolfspirit-amefrost @super-who-lock-ian666 @dis-weird-girl-over-here @lookingglassfx @mattory-reylo-shipper-offical @itsreallyjustashley @simsguruforever2580 @killerunicorn3 @sobbing-mangos2 @thecrazzypeoplex

#supernatural #supernatural dean #supernatural jensen ackles #supernatural cast #supernatural gag reel #Jack winchester #Jack Kelly #Jack Kline #supernatural jack #Claire Novak #claire #update #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fandom #supernatural family #spnfandom #fanfiction #spn spoilers #SPNFamily #SPN #SPN RP #spnedit #Carry On My Wayward Son #Wayward Sisters #wayward sons #wayward daughters #Carry On Wayward Son #sam and dean #impala #car crash