hear me out fuck the jedi code, if anakin skywalker had just been allowed to manwhore and malewife his way through the galaxy then palpatine's entire plot would've imploded like give anakin a bajillion attachments and he would've been too busy getting railed and pampered to resort to manslaughter not to mention at least one of his fifty lovers would've legally/illegally freed shmi so the whole tusken massacre could've been avoided
sheev would be like oh anakin dear boy i wanted to talk to you- oh i'm sorry chancellor i'm taking tea with the organas today (sheev under his breath: i thought he was with amidala?) well we can always reschedule to next week- actually i'm doing something with the clones (what? which clones? which clones) what about- really chancellor my deepest apologies but i think i'm simply unavailable for the foreseeble future. like palpatine can't even kill them all bc it'd get too suspicious too fast
the funny thing is that while sheev's too busy figuring out which of anakin's paramours he's with that week, they're all distracting dearest ani and comparing notes out of earshot about the creepy fucking chancellor and what do you mean he's been allowed unsupervised time with anakin since he was nine obi-wan wtf
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Cody : *Waking up at 3am because a comlink rings* ... Yes?
Anakin :... Cody?
Cody: General Skywalker? Is there a problem?
Anakin: No...
Cody: You need me for something?
Anakin : No...
Cody: So why did you call me at 3am?
Anakin: I didn't. Why did you respond to Obi-Wan's comlink?
Cody : What...?
Anakin :... Is Obi-Wan with you? At 3am? What does that mean?!
Cody : That's not what you think, sir! We were... He was...
Anakin : Obi-Wan, you're just a stupid hypocrite!
Obi-Wan: *wakes up because of the noise * What?
Cody : We can explain!
Anakin: Obi-Wan! The last time I asked Rex to work at this time to help me with the paperwork, you berated me for hours! But you're doing the same thing with Cody!
Obi-Wan : *always half asleep* Paperwork? Where?
Cody : Paperwork! We are guilty! We were working. Nothing else. You are absolutely right! *laughs nervously*
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Padme: did you know Obi wan gives Cody flowers every single morning?
Anakin:…yes?
Padme: why don’t you do that :(
Anakin:..
Anakin: d-do you want me too?
Padme: YES Ani!
-the next day-
Cody, staring at the flowers is Anakin offering him: why the hell are you doing this?
Anakin: I don’t get it either just take them-
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cody, padmé, and rex: *discussing something that's probably important*
cody, padmé, and rex: *hears distant screaming and the sound of a lightsaber igniting*
cody: is that my jedi or your jedi?
*cue amused and slightly terrifying laughter*
padmé and rex, sighing: my jedi
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obi-wan, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose: in your opinion, dear, what's the height of stupidity?
cody, turning to anakin: how tall are you?
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I'm just gonna leave this here 🤗
"Do you think it hurt?" The question had been eating Wolffe alive, ever since he had deserted the Empire and realised what he did.
Rex turned to him, "Did what hurt, Wolffe?"
"The general..." Wolffe couldn't bring himself to say anymore, as he felt the bitter bile stir in his stomach.
"No," Rex tried to sound reassuring, tried to sound like everything will be alright when it ultimately won't and will never be, "I think it was quick, painless."
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STAR WARS
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
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