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masterangst · 7 months

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Don't Worry, I Got You

Summary: Astarion is taken over by an unfamiliar sickness, which leads him to a doctor who wants to see him get better. So they say.

Warnings: Mentions of Astarion's past, blood, hurt/comfort, angst

Word count: 3.3K

Notes: There is my Tav at the end and mentioned. This is also for Whumptobers thermometer/ delerium / "They dont care about you" prompt. And set after the events of the game and Astarion is not ascended.

For someone who hasn't written a lot since till recently. I feel like Astarion is a good character to start with since he's so complex.

The night started off strange..well, stranger than normal. For once, after his meditation, Astarion felt. To him, he's not sure how he would describe it. Woozy? Heated? His skin felt hot, and his head felt off.

Gale made a joke, when he saw the sweat beading down Astarions face, that he looked pale. A hilarious joke. Though Astarion couldn't help but wonder if he did look more pale than normal. Something felt off.

Of course, Astarion assured himself he was completely fine. Perhaps something he ate had lingering effects.

He joked with Shadowheart. A thin veil to hide his worries and curiosity. Lead her to the edge to see if she jumped off. It came to no surprise when she took the bait.

"Sounds like a fever. I didn't know vampires were capable of experiencing that. No matter. Keep your distance if that's the case." Used her spells to help relieve himself, after some painful persuading. When Astarion got back to his bed, the symptoms returned.

His lover, Axel, was out tracking down some beast with Haslin, Jaheira, and Minsc. Some creature that is tied to druids. Hence the company he brought along.

That also meant one less person Astarion could confide in. Even worse, Axel is the only one Astarion can truly be himself with. No hidden meanings or parading.

Sickening when he lets himself think about it. How pathetic has he become to rely so heavily on another. Astarion has never needed anyone. The company he has gained was by choice.

Whatever this is, Astarion can handle it on his own.

After a couple days, his body started to feel worse and worse. The hunger that he learned to control and cage inside him was slipping through the cracks like the very blood it wished to consume. It grew and grew each minute it was ignored. Astarion would look at his companions and only imagined sinking his teeth in them. Could feel the way their body stilled and grew cold as he consumed the last drop of their essence. It felt like he was getting lost in a mirage within a drugged mind.

Astarion needed blood.

He slipped out, once everyone retreated to their beds, and pulled a hood over his head. He normally didn't cover his face, but with the way his face felt he didn't want anyone to see it. The carefully curated illusion was falling apart. His sense of control even on his own body was slipping. What was happening to him? Was he finally going mad?

Astarion shook his head and refocused his attention on a wild boar on the outskirts of the city. It was easy prey. But it wasn't enough.

Astarion walked back to the city, with his nails digging into his palms. The monster wasn't sedated. It needed more. More. More.

The yelp and scream of a young woman perked his elvish ears. Normally he would pass by and ignore it, but this time he let himself be moved by the sound. By the music of the drums in their veins.

A larger man, larger than Haslin, had his hand raised after he had used it to smack a young lady to the ground. She held her lip with tears brimming her frightened eyes as they looked up at her attacker. The man's rage was pungent even from the alleyway, from where Astarion watched.

It happened before Astarion realized. The man was no longer looming over the woman, now instead he was being cradled by Astarion in the shadows. His blood coated Astarions insides. Made the poisonous creature inside Astarion crackle. It drank and drank until there was nothing left.

Astarion bit and bit, searching desperately for more, but there was nothing left but putrid flesh.

The high was exhilarating. After two days of shit, Astarion felt alive again (or as close to it as he could). He no longer felt weak and for a moment he basked in the glory of it. Smiled up at the starless sky and sighed.

Then a sharp pain ripped through him. His insides felt hot and the blood turned rancid. Turned to poison.

A scream bubbled up his throat, but it was cut off by the vomit pouring out of him. Every last drop of what he had just consumed had now painted the man and himself in a revolting shade of red. The smell was overbearing. Astarion needed to crawl away, but the smell was on him. In him. The horrible thing inside him still laughed and mocked and every memory of Cazador flooded back to him.

The tears felt unbearably hot against his cheeks. Was this more torture? Had he not escaped that fate? Whatever was happening to him also kept him from retreating into that safe space in his mind. To forget himself. It had saved him so many times before but that power was gone now. Just like everything else leaving him.

"Are you alright?" A voice broke through the haze. In the fog of tears, Astarion could make out a small shape. A woman.

"Leave me be!" He pulled his cowl taut so she could not see the horror.

"I can help you. Here." Astarion did not dare look. Help me! You can not. The last time he accepted someone's help in an alleyway, he spent 200 years as a slave.

"Someone else may find you, and they won't be as kind." She's right, but why would she be so kind?

When he looks up, peeking over his cowl, he realizes it's the girl. The one the man had attacked from before. She looked a lot different when she wasn't frightened and groveling. Though, she has every reason to be afraid. She should be afraid. Astarion opens his mouth to spit the words out, but the dizziness fogs his brain.

She scoffs and forces him to his feet. His body is too weak to protest. He has no choice but to allow her to lead him away. She could be leading him to his death, but what could he do to stop it?

After a blur, she gently cradles him down onto a bed and starts taking his clothes off. Astarion isn't surprised. He should have seen it coming. A part of him thought maybe all the blood would dissuade someone from being lecherous, but he should have known better. He simply closes his eyes and waits for it to be over.

But it doesn't come.

She just starts to sponge the blood off and then covers him with a blanket. She presses a cool rag on his head and offers water to his lips. Water is not what he needs, but his throat feels raw like it was shredded apart like butcher meat. He accepts the offer, because if nothing else it'll help his throat not be so dry too.

"My name is Cita. Thank you for helping me, before." She said as she stirred the coal in the fireplace. The shadows bounce around the room like dancing devils. Astarion fears one will awaken and reach out to him with slashing claws. It's too hard to look at them for too long, lest his mind starts to become too active for his own good.

Instead he focuses his strength on his words. "I'm," he swallows down the dryness and grimaces, "My name is As-astarion."

She stands and folds her hands shyly in front of her. "Do you need anything else?"

Astarion just needs to rest. To get back to the group and his own bed. He wishes for Axel to hold him and nurse him back to health, but another side of him wishes to never be seen until he is better. He wants everything and nothing at the same time. Is that among this girl's capabilities? If so, then her company is more dangerous than he thought.

Astarion settles with a head shake and closes his eyes. If it were up to him, he'd also roll over and away from her peering eyes, but he doesn't get a choice here. His body is in control, not his mind, and it's too weak to even move a muscle.

He hears her shuffle the distance between them, then flinches when he feels her cold hand on his cheek. "You are burning up. I'll need to find some herbs to help regulate your temperature before you burst into flames."

Astarion swallows against knives. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm a doctor." Astarion opens his eyes in disbelief. She chuckles and shakes her head. "I mean. I want to be. I've been studying and practicing. After the attack on the city, there were a lot of folks who needed help and couldn't afford it. I try to help where I can."

How noble, his brain spits. Another hero to save the day. How lucky he was to have been picked up by a novice. Makes him so happy he could cry.

With a huff, Astarion turns his head. He just needs to meditate and gain enough strength to move around again. If she wishes to help him, then he'll accept it. He'll be another test subject for her studies if that's what it'll take for him to be rid of this affliction. It doesn't matter. All that matters is getting back.

….

Mediation doesn't come easy. His mind is too alert like a caged animal. He closes his eyes and wills his body to relax, the sweet embrace of relaxation teases him and then he's awake again.

"Astarion." Astarion could have sworn that it was Gale's voice.

Astarion opens his eyes to see Gale's face hovering over him. A part of him is relieved to see a friendly face, another makes him say. "Your face is quite a horror in the morning, darling." Though the impact feels less satisfying when his voice sounds as raw as his throat feels.

"Even sick, you're still attempting eloquence. I applaud you for never losing sight of who you are, even in moments such as this."

"How," he swallows, "did you find me?" Astarion must keep his eyes closed unless the world starts spinning, but when he does he becomes more painfully aware of the amount of heat and sweat his body is producing.

"The girl, Cita, found us. Brought me here. I didn't believe her at first when she said you were sick, but you are indeed sick. How strange. I didn't believe it was possible for vampires to get fevers. Perhaps that means we are all doomed then." Gale chuckles.

Astarion rolls his eyes. "Take me back."

Gale clicks his tongue and the look on his face makes Astarion's stomach twist; and not because of his sickness.

Gale drops to one knee and the look in his eye seems foreign on the soft wizard. It's steel and even amusement lingering there. Gales fingers move away hair glued to Astarions skin with sweat and then pierces Astarions heart with a cold gaze. "No. No, I don't think I will."

A wave of dizziness washes over him, but he bites down and focuses. "This-this isn't funny Gale."

"I agree. Which is why I mean it. I believe it's fair to say everyone's grown tired of you. Of your quips and groans. Of your evil stench. I know I have." Gale stands up just to drive the stake further into Astarion's chest. "Which is why I'm going to leave you here. I wanted to see your face as I said goodbye. It really is such a sweet look. Don't worry though! I'll be sure to tell Axel you died. He'll be distraught, but he's strong. He'll pull himself back together."

"You," something bubbles up Astarion's throat and spills over the edges. It tastes like rot and iron. Blood. He's spitting up blood.

"Goodbye Astarion." Astarion can't even protest, his chest heaves and he coughs and coughs, but his eyes watch as Gale leaves.

He wants to tear him apart. Tear himself apart. Wants to burn the world and watch it crumble to ash. Astarion thrashes in his new bed in anger and heartache. He swears he can physically feel the remainers of whatever was left of it tearing apart.

After everything he did. Everything he survived and suffered. After all the bullshit and the fighting and trying to set things right, this is how he'll face his end? Sick and weak, tied down by his own body in a foreign bed! He'd weep with rage if he had the energy for it, but his mind finally collapses and forces him into a dreadful sleep.

…

This time when Astarion comes to, opening his eyes feels like getting drunk on a pirate ship during a storm.

He can barely keep his eyes open long enough to make out anything but the shadows of the fire.

The cold hand on his cheek shocks him, but she seems weirdly distant. The world is distorted like a strange new nebula of reality.

"I'm so sorry you were abandoned. I can't imagine how hard that is." Her face morphs from a young pretty girl to a monstrous hag and then back again. Is it just his eyes playing tricks on him? Nothing looks right to him, so maybe it is. Thoughts don't come easily to him. They whisper and then fade away too quickly for him to be lured.

"Don't worry though. I'll make you better. Drink." Astarion weakly shakes his head, but the girl shoves the cup between his lips and downs the water into his throat. Astarion chokes, but she covers his mouth to force him to keep it all in. He has no choice but to swallow now.

She smiles, but in his distortion, it's unsettling instead of comforting. "Good boy." Her fingers pet his head. "They don't care about you." Maybe they don't. Maybe no one does. How can he blame them?

"I do." She continues. "You are my pretty little thing. You take the medicine so well. It makes you better." Or it makes him worse, he thinks. His mind tells him to run, but he can't. Astarion has been trapped and brought back to a new master. How long will this service last, he wonders. Another 200 years?

"Don't worry though. I will take good care of you. I am a doctor after all." Everything that comes next is a blur. She sponges him down, takes his temperature, changes his blankets, and spoons blood into his mouth like hot soup after giving him "his medicine". Astarion isn't sure how many times it happens. Has no idea if this all occurs in one night or if a year has passed.

At least he has the sweet memories of his mad love. His Axel. Perhaps Gale did Axel a favor in setting him free from Astarion. Perhaps the woman was right when she said they don't care about him. Did Axel ever really care about him?

It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters.

The routine goes on and on and on. She speaks to him like he's her journal and he sits in the shadows in his mind, waiting for it to end. His body has given up on trying to even move. What's the point? Everything seems useless now.

Once he tried to sit up without her permission and she waterboarded him with her "medicine" and strapped him down. The leather bruised his skin and he learned his new master's lesson to not move.

"Time for your medicine." Astarion squeezed his eyes shut and waited for it to be over. Instead, there was a loud crash and then a cut off yelp, and then a new pair of hands were on him.

Calloused fingers pet his head this time and then Astarion was being carried away. His body didn't let him be awake for much longer to see what new horrors await him.

…

Astarion woke up this time with a sense of clarity he hasn't felt in who knows how long. The roof he gazed up at was different and recognizable. The same beams he has seen countless times.

To his side, Axel is hunched over asleep in a chair by Astarions bed. How did Astarion get here? How did Axel find him?

Astarion groans when he tries to sit up, more than fed up with laying down, Axel springs awake. The half elf's silver eyes swell up with worry. "Astarion. Oh, Astarion. " Axel cups Astarion's cheek. "I was so worried. When they told me you disappeared and they couldn't find you. I tracked you down and found that hag. Did she do anything to you? If so, I'll raise her from her grave and kill her all over again."

Astarion finds himself laughing. He holds his hand over his lovers, clinging desperately to that familiar warmth. "Only drugged me. Kept me sick. You should ask Gale where I was at." Astarion curls his lip up. He'll never forget, or forgive, the way that wizard looked at him.

Axel has a sweet look of confusion on his face. "Gale? Gale's been with me the whole time?"

Astarion scoffs and pushes the heat away. "Clearly, not the whole time."

"I don't understand."

Astarions chest twists when he thinks back on the wizard's words. "He left me there. Found me and handed me over to that witch." He spat out.

Axel shifts and sits beside Astarion. He wraps his arms around Astarion's shoulders and pulls him in for a hug. "I don't know what happened." He said. "But I do know that Gale has been with me the entire time. He hasn't gone anywhere. In fact, Gale is the one who sensed the witch's magic. I wouldn't have been able to find you without him."

Was it all a mirage? An illusion by that hag to break down his walls. It doesn't surprise him. Thinking back on it, Astarion doesn't think Gale is capable of being so cold. That man is kind even when he's angry. A feat Astarion will never understand.

"Well, how kind of him." Astarion said weakly. The anger he felt is hard to let go, even if he knows it's not right.

Axel shifts once more so he can look into Astarion's eyes. "Are you alright, my love? I'm so sorry this all happened."

Astarion still feels weak, and his opinion about himself isn't any better either, but he can't say he isn't relieved. His inn bed has never felt so good. Knowing that there are people who will look for him; save him. Reminds him of how much he's gained.

"I'm fine, my love. Nothing I couldn't handle." Astarion smirks.

Axel smiles softly. "I'm sure that's true. I'm just glad we were able to find you after three days. Three days too late though. Forgive me." Axel cups Astarion's hands between his own and kisses Astarion's knuckles.

"You are exceptionally foolish." Astarion scolds. Then he can't help but smile, "But perhaps I should be thankful for that."

Axel kisses Astarion's wrists. "What can I do for you? Do you need anything? Do you wish to sleep?"

Ah, the freedom to choose. He'll never let anyone take it from him again.

"Will you just lay here with me?" Axel is quick to nod and spoons Astarion's body against his own. Astarion is still too exhausted to freely move around, but being held feels nice. Hearing the steady drum of Axel's heart is soothing. It grounds him, reminds him that this is his reality. Being around friends and being held by a lover who sees him as an equal. He may not be a god, and though a part of him wishes he was so he could have the power to avoid that again. To have the power to protect himself and his friends. But Astarion has enough power as it is. He will do better in the future, that much he promises himself. For now, he's just glad to be free. Everything else can come second.