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zontiky · 3 years

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okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

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divine-draws · 4 years

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okay i had a whole google doc that i wrote a buncha shit but imma try to CONDENSE it and make my ideas more clear bc there was some wishy washy in there. BUT dabihawks ice skating au bc im gay for that shit. all of it under the cut bc this shit is gunna get LONG. buckle in fuckers. ALSO FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT this i will be happy to answer shit :3c

SO fair warning before we begin. i know shit about ice sports. im like 1) not THAT educated nor have i legit participated though ive always wanted to and 2) this is just self indulgent so like if i dont get shit right or whatever dont come at me bro. im here to have FUN and live a bit vicariously. also as for location of all this shit i dont know and dont care and am american so my perspective on things are skewed. anyway cw: abuse mention

so dabi (touya) is a previous figure skater

he’s a figure skating prodigy

enji was a pro hockey player (id say figure skating but this man was BUILT like a brick shithouse idk man) has a lot of championships under his belt but doesnt even begin to touch the legacy of his one sided rival yagi toshinori

him and rei meet and marry at a young age. she like.. actually liked him then?? shit was kinda okay but things kinda.... got bad quick. the abuse etc was ... yeah. she ends up having dabi and fuyumi (they’re twins babeyy) at a young age too and kinda doesnt feel like she can get out of her horrible marriage

we wont dwell too much on the bad part of all of this though. anyway rei was a figure skater

p well known and known for her fucking GRACE god she moved so well on the ice.

she was so beautiful and spoke through her movements and enji loved that... and so as a hockey player and with a (now previous) figure skater wife he was like aight my kids WILL take up an ice sport and be the FUCKING BEST

dabi isnt made for hockey. enji tries to get him into it but it’s... nah... fuyumi isnt the best with figure skating. she’s good!! and her and dabi do some pair skating when they’re younger but it’s.. hm. dabi is the one with the clear talent here. (fuyumi is a beast on the ice when it comes to hockey though. will dominate. but she kinda... didnt really continue with it)

enji isnt PLEASED that his son isnt gunna be a hockey player but he still values figure skating and will fucking make sure he’s the BEST at it. and so the brutal training starts. he gets some good coaches and also takes up the coaching mantle

the thing is.. rei was amazing as a skater but her body just... wasnt really made for all of that??? and dabi unfortunately kinda inherited that. his body hates the impacts and such. he’s amazing at figure skating. he has a grace similar to his mothers but there’s something more fierce to him.

and honestly !!! he gets far!!

also natsuo comes around. he’s a bit too clumsy for either sport and resents the fact that him and fuyumi are neglected by their father. he also loves touya and gets so pissed seeing his brother so hurt

and shouto is born and this kid was made to be on the ice. he’s skating from the moment he can fucking stand on his own.

obvs enji’s attention is split but it’s mainly on touya who is winning championships and GOING places but it’s still not good enough

anyway idk how far he goes?? but it’s the biggest competition yet and on ice mid routine he lands wrong

one thing leads to the next and he’s pretty much medically retired from a young age. he can skate. he can still kinda preform but he cant do what he used to at ALL and he cant keep up with the brutal pace enji sets. there’s a lot of trying to push him still and it’s just.. not happening

for all it’s worth dabi is kinda glad he isnt doing it anymore. but he fears for his babies brother. shouto is a natural and while yes being a professional athlete of any sort is brutal on your body, his body is a lot more capable

but like touya before, shouto is pushed to his absolute limits. bleeding and injuries and puking his guts out from being pushed too far

there’s a lotta resentment but he still pushes through w skating.

(side note but there DEF is some todomido/tododeku w hockey player izuku who ends up being coached by THE yagi toshinori and who helps shouto out w making shit his own)

anyway so in the end dabi ends up working at a rink tho lol

it’s p much owned by shigarai and run by the lov (who in this au end up making their own little ragtag unofficial local hockey team p much and play games against other teams like them)

despite his father’s whole career, dabi does enjoy playing hockey with these dipshits

but yeah he enjoys his time working at the rink, fucking around and sleeping in random places and sometimes running the zamboni

he’s also best frenemies with shigaraki. they get along and both deal with a shitty upbringing and despite some slight animosity they both would kill if someone fucked w the other

(also at some point dabi DEF teaches some little kid classes lol)

also dabi does sometimes skate his own routines from time to time. only when he’s alone really. though fuyumi has a pass to be there though he will gripe still

SO HAWKS AM I RIGHT??

now there is a couple ways to go with this and somewhere in me there is an au with hockey player hawks who takes skating lessons from figure skater dabi BUT

i think for this au we’ll just say he was a figure skater from the get go

i think he WANTED to do hockey as a kid. like shouto he’s also a fucking natural and was skating as soon as he could fucking stand and walk. and he looked up to enji and kinda wanted to take up hockey but

listen,,, trans hawks. who wanted to be like todoroki enji and be a pro hockey player. shit just.. didnt work like that though and besides he’s a tiny dude and god he’d be fucking obliterated

he kinda is self taught and the ice is his escape from his shitty home life

idk how this works but listen gotta tie in the commission somehow???

he’s scouted or whatever for figure skating at a very young age and his mom is happy to take the heavy scholarships and happy to sign him over to skate for these ppl and have them push him to be The Best

and this kid is FAST. he’s fast and is insane with his jumps and stg it almost looks like he’s FLYING (which gets him the nickname hawks)

the coaches are brutal and shit sucks and a lot of the time it kinda sucks the life out of the sport but he still enjoys it

he has a love for outfits that legit have flare to them (also im thinking of johnny weir’s one outfit w the feathers but yknow instead of white they are RED) and while he does do routines to boring ass music he mainly likes doing shit different (also dabi was p much forced the whole time to do shit to that boring ass music but on his own he’d use his own music taste to skate to)

and he’s good!! he GOES places. he’s like makes it to the olympics at a young age and is one of THE youngest gold medalists for figure skating

im sure somewhere along the line him and dabi DID meet. it was at some competition and hawks was VIBRATING bc there’s ENJI and he wants and autograph and oH GOD IS THAT HIS SON??? he’s HOT. (and at this time dabi still had his red hair and like no piercings and what little ones he had they were out but this dumbass will not recognize him later on)

but god he needs to chill TF out or he will fuck up in the competition

he hears about dabi’s whole accident and like feels for him but again it’s not like they were friends. there was more of a slight rivalry and they barely spoke if they did

but so idk like.. between seasons hawks finds himself going like nearly every day to this rink.. aka shigaraki’s rink (also sidenote but lbr it’s really run by shirakumo who kinda has to fucking herd the cats w this group)

as frenemies dabi and shigaraki share their distaste for some of these pro athletes (tho some get a pass) and kinda complain about hawks a bit tho like..... shigaraki cant complain TOO much bc of the money from hawks renting out the rink for a few hours almost every day

dabi is too gay for this shit when he actually sees hawks in action. rip him

tbh they dont really interact tho (besides dabi telling him to gtfo the rink or he’ll run him over with the zamboni) until one day that hawks catches dabi skating

he was done and should have been gone but he forgot something on the bleachers and then he sees dabi and.. oh boy he’s GAY AF

and also dabi is RLLY GOOD???

and so hawks makes a FOOL of himself and startles the poor guy and p much presses all the wrong buttons w asking why he doesnt compete or something

and i mean im sure they had some SLIGHT progress w talking before. nothing significant but god the walls go RIGHT THE FUCK UP and dabi is pissed

tbh dabi was gunna get to the point where he LEGIT talked to him and maybe lowkey asked him out (he says this but shigaraki calls his bluff) and now there is no way. he storms off and tries to avoid him so hard

and hawks tries to corner him a bit but after some time he does manage to corner him and be like pls just let me take you out to dinner to make up for that shit????

aaand dabi accepts bc listen okay he cant say no to free food ??? like he’s kinda pissy w this guy but also.. listen he has EYES

anywayyy p much this just leads to them dating

hawks DEF looks him up and watches all the vids of him and like the idiot he is realizes that he met him before ( “oh my GOD i know you” “uh… we’re dating i hope u know me?????” “nO I MEAN WE MET AT (insert comp)”)

but before that dabi did like tell him some shit. mainly about like how he used to skate blah blah and the whole thing that ended all of that

he doesnt really delve too deep into like his shitty childhood until well later

idk what leads to it but the convo finally comes up and it’s so draining for dabi and hawks is horrified and ready to fight his dad (“listen i just sharpened my skates i’ll just-”)

anyway some side things bc this is long and i will answer questions on this tho

rumi is a women’s pro hockey player and fuyumi who actually follows hockey and shit has the BIGGEST crush on her (they end up together)

also natsuo comes to see one of the leagues games (he hasnt really seen them play tbh?? he hears about it from dabi but he lives like at least a few hours away on campus and is going for med school so rip him) and like he meets shigaraki and anyway dabi is losing his FUCKING MIND bc his best frenemy/boss and his younger brother are FLIRTING. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM???

dabi and hawks are really gay together and have skated together by this point and made out on ice a few times and shigaraki was miserable and is like “NOW U KNOW!!” and dabi is pissed bc “yEAH BUT THAT”S MY LITTLE BROTHER??? IT”S NOt thE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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woahhiperson · 4 years

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Making a new au so here we go:

The ‘idk wot to call it yet au’

So Naga and Grima both have religions connected to them, but what if the Cult of Grima disbanded after Grimas defeat by the first exalt? So people stopped believing in Grima. Grima became another myth, another scary story to tell in the woods to unnerve people.

So Robin is born, but he has the same parents as canon. So he ends up with the right lineage and genes to be

The vessel for Grima!

But no one knows that.

Robin grows up as a tiny bean (his mom IS around and validar isnt a meanie because haha no grima to make all those issues and because i need robin to be happy this au might end up really angsty) and then he turns five or somethin and Robin begins to hear a voice in his head. At this age it is very faint, much like a whisper, and he tells someone, but they just tell him ‘thats your thinking voice’. Robin goes with that for quite awhile until he line 9 or 10 and he’s like ‘this aint my thinking voice’, cause 1: he has a thinking voice and this one is very different, and 2: this one doesnt even have his personality. So Robin once again tries to tell everyone and they deny it again (possibly trying to pass it off as an imaginary friend??).

Robin is frusterated but goes along with it. Time passes, and Robin is now a teenager. the voice gets louder and meaner and he still has no idea what it is. Then he turns eighteen. The voice is pretty much equal in volume to his own thinking voice, and its finally able to tell him “I am the Fell Dragon, Grima.” Now of course Robin is just like ‘what???’ So Robin tries to do some research. Robin is able to find one source, in a very old book. Robin reads of how Grima was ‘the god of destruction’ and how ‘he killed many people’. Robin is well, disturbed, and tries to ask the voice if it really is Grima. The voice tells him one thing: “I am the Wings of Despair, I am the Breath of Ruin, I am the Fell Dragon, Grima.” Robin is like: ok this thing might actually be in my head for some reason?? But he is also internally laughing because wile the voice was threatening, it was still quite funny to hear it almost repeat itself. Robin reads the rest of the small amount of information on Grima, and finds out Plegians used to worship him. Robin gets v e r y nervous. He IS plegian afterall. So Robin puts the book away and sits with this information for a while.

Grima continues to say the same thing, it seems only capable of saying that for now even though it used to berate Robin at almost every turn. Robin gets more nervous and tries to tell someone. Whoever it is, they laugh. They tell Robin that Grima is just a myth. ‘Its just a voice in your head. Don’t even worry about it.’ Robin is well, frusterated. He’s even a little bit scared. ‘The voice only keeps getting louder. What if it can take control?’ Robin begins to get paranoid. He tries talking to other people but they all don’t believe him, saying similar lines of ‘its a myth’. Robin feels a need to get to the bottom of this, and he is technically an adult now, so he ventures off with a small amount of gold to go find more information on The Fell Dragon.

He ventures around Plegia, but is unable to find much more information in the places accessible to him. And he even snuck in some places. He finds some buildings with Grima-like markings but they all seem run down and the few markings left were practically unreadable. All the places seemed destroyed on purpose, but destroyed long ago. (They were destroyed by the cult of grima for one reason or another, but robin dont know that) So since Plegia was lacking info, Robin decides to venture to Ylisse, because it seemed that Grima and Naga were connected somehow.

Robin is sttill unable to really find anything, and the people of Ylisse also denied Grima’s existence. Robin thinks there must be information somewhere, so he settles down in a tiny three room shack (he aint got that much money and hes currently more worried about Grima) with a kitchen, bathroom, and empty room. Robin sets up a bedroom in one half of the empty room, and uses the other half for research. He is able to get his hands on quitw a few books and tries to connect the information together. It takes a long time, and he gets little information from it. Robin starts to think that he’s going to need the more valuable history books and scripts for this.

So one day he is on his way the capitol, and is walking through a field. He is almost to the town when he stumbles and falls into the dirt. People find him and one person (yall all know where this is going) offers a hand. Robin takes it and is introduced to Chrom, Lissa, and Frederick. He learns that they are out all patrol and that Chrom and Lissa are royalty. Now this sparks a plan in Robin. He could try to see if they’d let him into the rarest history documents. So he asks and is shot down by Frederick, who is suspicious of someone just wanting access to such important documents. Chrom is like ‘Robin asked nicely so we should let him’ Frederick scolds Chrom for being too trusting. (honestly robin is kinda suspicious rn..) So they part ways.

Robin continues his search, and every once in a while, he’d find another small snippet of information. He begins to gain a reputation of ‘The guy with a weird obsession with Grima who believes the Fell Dragon lives in his mind’ and so people are a l i t t l e reluctant to give information. Robin is able to still get money through small jobs and stuff. Robin gets a little more disheveled as time goes by and Grima only gets louder. He meets Chrom on multiple occasions, and they eventually bechrom friends. Robin gets a ton of information written down and connected. But it still isnt enough.

Chrom can see how Robin is getting more frantic, and begins to worry. Robin brushes him off as he bechroms more secluded. Grima gets louder and is able to once again berate Robin. Grima begins telling Robin how no one will ever believe him and help him, how he’ll never be able to figure it out.

And so Robin goes to Chrom. The thing is, Robin liked having Chrom as a friend, so he never told Chrom about any of it. Chrom only knew he was researching something. So Robin sits him down for a chat. He starts off simple “I think the Fell Dragon, Grima, lives in my mind. Of course, Chrom laughs about it, but he stops upon seeing Robins face fall. Robin tries to tell him about it all, but unfortunately, like everybody else, Chrom was raised to believe Grima was a myth. Chrom is worried, thinking maybe Robin had been alone for too long. Chrom still wants to help, but he doesn’t believe Grima is the issue. Robin gets frusterated and attempts to politely leave, but is a little rude.

Chrom is very worried, and tells Lissa and Frederick. They also worry. Chrom wants to be a helpful bean but this information begins to spread like wildfire. If Robin wasn’t known before, he was now. This ain’t a good thing either. People make fun of Robin, and Robin begins to get more bitter and cold due to bearing constant mockery from Grima and others. Grima is at a shouting volume in Robin’s head, and is able to give Robin a headache everytime he speaks. Things are not going well, but Robin is still too paranoid to go back home.

Then Robin is sitting alone one night, looking over his information. There’s a knock on the door. He gets up to see who it is. Then he collapses. In his head is a low rumble, one that slowly rises in volume until Robin wants to shout at it to go away. His vision blurs, gaining a red tint. In the panic and pain Robin remembers something. It’s his twentieth birthday. He was born some time in the early night. The rumble stops. There’s a dead silence. Then a cold laughter begins to ring in his ears. It morphs into a sentence,”My patience has been tested.. And I won.” Robin is confused as the pain stops, and his eyes focus again. Then its as if a force slams down on him, shoving him down into his own body. His vision blurs again and he goes numb. He tries to turn his head, only to see black. He turns around in every direction. Its all a pitch black void. Everywhere but where his eyes last looked. Then the view changes, as if he’s stood up. A voice comes, slightly muffled,”Robin are you okay in there?!” It was Chrom. The laugh starts again. Its not in his head. Robins hand is brought to his face, sparking with electricity, before being moved away. He ‘walks’ and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Robin reels back as he now has six glowing red eyes, six black wings, and horns on his head. The Robin in the mirror smiles before going to open the door. Robin realizes what has happened. Grima took over. Was there a way to take control again!? Robin is quite frantic, but the void is, well, a void. No end, the only thing in there was the vision. The door is opened and Chrom is obviously taken aback, asking what had happened. Grima laughs and his hand begins to fizzle again. Luckily Chrom notices and backs away before being stabbed with a spear of electricity. Grima begins launching an attack on ‘that wretched Naga spawn’. Robin could now hear Grima’s thoughts. They really had switched places. Robin could only watch as Chrom drew his sword and the two began to fight. Both are hurt, but Robin does live in a town, and people begin to notice. Robin hears multiple gasps of ‘is that really grima??’ And similar lines. Some try to help, but they are kind of useless.

The fight chromtinues. Then Grima charges another spear, and drives it through his stomach. Robin screams. Grima laughs about that. Chrom falls unconscious, but still breathing. Grima rises into the air on his wings and continues to laugh. “You all didn’t believe the vessel, but now you can see, I have returned after so long. I am not a myth, but I am the Fell Dragon, Grima!” And Grima begins to attack the town. After a while he stops and thinks ‘can a revert to my dragon form?’ He tries, only for it to fail. Grima is furious and goes back to end Chrom for good out of rage, only to find the prince gone. Robin by now has found out that Grima cannot hear him unless he actually speaks, so he is able to internally sigh with relief as Chrom might be okay. Grima goes on a rampage and guards try to stop him, only to fail. Grima is not back to full power, but he is still extremely dangerous.

So he goes and begins to try and take over Plegia, and remake his cult. He attacks and stuff and finds Robin’s parents. They are of course freaked out and pained to know that Robin was telling the truth. Grima is able to take about half of Plegia for himself. Soon the Shepherds return and want to defeat Grima. (Haha soon... this is probably like three or four years later) Chrom is luckily alive and is quite angy about Grima taking his ‘friend’. They fight and have to retreat. They join with the Plegians that have been trapped in Grima’s controlled land and use the next 1-2 years to form a full rebellion. Grima has made the dragon’s table his home. He is finally able to conjure his dragon form, but only can keep it for about a day before needing another day’s rest. But his human form is powerful enough gor him to not need the dragon form very often. The rebellion makes its way to the Dragon’s Table, a force of about 2,000 people. Grima has countless Risen guarding and controlling his land, but the rebellion is able to get to Grima.

Grima transforms into his dragon form to end the rebellion for good, but Chrom and a few others are able to make it to him and end up on his back once transformed. They fight the summoned risen and make it to the human form. Chrom once again fights Grima. Robin, still stuck inside his own mind, feels hope. A feeling he truely hadn’t felt in years, but the only way he could think of that would get rid of Grima, was his own death. And he accepted it. Chrom and Grima both were able to go unharmed for quite a long time. Risen kept the others from helping. Then there was a loud hiss from Falchion as it sliced through the palm of his hand. It burned unlike any injury had before. Even the other cuts from Falchion on their first fight hadn’t felt like this. Grima’s vision blurred as he was partially shoved back into Robin’s mind. The dragon almost fell, quickly stabling itself. Robin stood, speechless, as he had regained partial control of his own body. He was distracted, and Falchion was able to leave a deep gash in Robin’s arm as he began to flee. Grima shouts and takes back control. But Robin isn’t completely locked away again. Where he has been cut, his hand and forearm, he could feel a small amount of control. Grima kept trying to fire magic at Chrom, but if it was cast by the right arm, Robin could mess up his aim. Grima figured this out and Robin was rendered almost useless. Robin tried to still help as both Grima and Chrom began to sustain more injuries. Robin was able to mess up Grima’s attacks and dodging. Every wound gave him more control. Soon Grima was barely able to fight, as Robin forced him to be hurt. But Chrom was also starting to struggle, as he has been sustaining multiple injuries as well. Chrom wasn’t aware of Robin’s help. He thought Robin was gone. So he went to try and slash Grima’s neck, convinced that his ‘friend’ was gone forever. Robin had gotten Grima to fall. But Robin couldn’t help but flinch, holding his right hand over his neck. The blade connected and sliced through the glowing mark that stained the hand. A great tremor shook through the dragon. Grima screamed in utter fury and agony as Robin could feel his presence fade away. The numbness turned into a sensation of wind and scales. Grima’s roar died down, his gritty voice gone. Robin felt something he had almost never felt. Emptyness. But.. It was good! Grima was.. completely gone. He couldn’t feel the god’s presence at all. His eyes began to burn. But then he saw a wrathful blade swing at him, and he had to dodge. Finally meeting eyes with Chrom after all these years. Chrom kept trying to attack him but Robin shouted,”It’s me! Grima’s gone!” Chrom only got angrier, believing Grima was just taunting him. Robin kept trying to convince him that Grima was truely gone. Then he decided to tell him,”No one ever believed me before. Please, believe me just this one time..” Chrom stopped and stared at Robin. Stumbling to Robin with wide eyes and dropping Falchion, he focused on his face. Noticing they were brown after being red for so many years. “..Robin...” Robin could only give a smile, as the now dead dragon began to drop from the sky. All the people on the back rushed to the pegasi and flew down. Once making it down to the ground safely, a cloud of dust forming and dieing down from the dragon’s impact, the Risen all fell, dead once more. The rebellion tried to attack Robin, but understood that Grima had no control over him anymore. Chrom once again turned to Robin and enveloped him in a hug as both began to shed tears, but for different reasons. Robin was still in disbelief that he was alive and free from Grima’s grasp, and Chrom could only choke out one whisper into Robin’s ear,”I love you..” Robin froze but nodded, agreeing. “I thought I lost you.” “Me too.”

(Woah that made a big space) And so they go back to Ylisse and make a cross-country announcement about Grima’s defeat and Robin’s return. They get married. But Grima did start another cult. Not everyone who was in Grima’s controlled land was in the rebellion. And upon learning of Grima’s defeat, they wanted him back. So.. is it truely over?

#fire emblem #fire emblem awakening #robin #chrom #grima talky in head au #idk ill find a better name and tag it xD #lissa #frederick #validar #grima #robins mom

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sailorshadzter · 5 years

Text

lets pretend this isnt riddled with mistakes (i REALLY forgot that the mountain was raised back from the dead??? can he still talk??? idk. he does here lmao and then never comes back because yeah, zombie guy stuff came up)

basically this is a oneshot full of things i think will happen in season 8. i think a kidnapping plot is very plausible and i think the best time it will happen would be when the north sets out to fight against the night king. but, as you read, you’ll see how i think cersei’s fate will play out by the end of the series.

im not convinced daenerys would stand by and let jon live, considering his birthright, but i didnt want this story to be even longer by including a fight between them for the iron throne. i read a theory about her dying in the fight against the night king & honestly that sounds right to me- but id already written the first half of this and was not about to go back and rewrite lmao. eventually i AM going to write that out though so be on the look out for that!

anyways hi

here it is

im sorry if it sucks lol

You have to stay here.

He'd said those words over and over to her as he nearly dragged her down to the crypts beneath Winterfell, Ghost trotting after them, you'll be safest down here, he'd gone on, his dark eyes never leaving hers. Promise me you'll come back, she'd gripped the front of his cloak, unable to stop herself from pleading with him. Promise me, Jon. He'd taken her into his arms then, crushing her against him and Sansa could do nothing but commit to memory the way it felt to have him hold her. He'd kissed her forehead and smiled, but he made no promises. How could he, after all?

And then she watched him go, a cold sense of dread settled into the pit of her stomach.

By now, hours had passed, or so she supposed they had; she'd lost track of the time down there, surrounded by ghosts. She had passed the time praying to the Old Gods and the New, though she'd once sworn off praying, for what God had listened to her before? She had asked for guidance from her mother, her father, and even from her Aunt Lyanna. Sansa could only hope someone out there heard her. Reaching out a hand, she ran it along Ghost's back, watching with curiosity as the wolf suddenly sat upright. "What is it?" She spoke, her voice soft, her eyes following the wolf's line of sight. He'd settled his red-eyed gaze upon the door down the hall, the one which Jon had disappeared through some hours ago.

That was when she noticed it, the movement of the door as someone began to push it open. Her heart lept into her throat, her stomach churning as she rose up from where she sat on the ground. At her feet, Ghost had risen up as well, a low growl escaping his jaws as he took a few steps forward. Had they won already? Was the battle with the Night King truly over? Was this Jon returning to her? Or worse... Was it someone else come to fetch her, to take her to Jon's mangled body brought back to Winterfell? The door swung open then and Sansa felt her breath catch in her throat as a mountain of a man appeared in the doorway. "No..." She whispered as the man stepped into the corridor, his face hidden by a helmet, his white cloak a sign of who had sent him. Ghost was openly growling now, snapping his jaws in a warning to the man coming towards them. "Down, Ghost." Sansa spoke quietly, reaching down to tenderly rub the wolf's head, calming him. She'd never forgive herself if the Mountain killed Ghost and so she stepped in front of the wolf, holding her head high as the man approached her, no ounce of fear in her piercing blue eyes. "She's sent you then?"

Gregor Clegane did not recognize this young woman, this Lady of Winterfell. She was quite unlike the little girl that had once lived in King's Landing so long ago. But those eyes of hers... Those he remembered. Those he would never forget. "Aye," he replied in his gruff voice, reaching for her, her arm so small beneath his grip surely he would break her. Little bird, was that not what his brother had called her? The wolf at her feet snapped his jaws but she hushed him and the wolf sat back, though it continued to growl. Surprisingly, she did not fight against him as he drug her back towards the door, perhaps because she felt the strength of his grip on her arm and knew she was no match. Perhaps she valued her life more than she had back in King's Landing. And so he took her back up into Winterfell, down the main corridor and out the double doors into the courtyard where a huge, black stallion waited for its master.

Things were beginning to make sense now. Sansa could see no trace of servants or the guards left behind by Jon for her own protection. Either they were dead or frightened into hiding. It was snowing like mad and she had no cloak, but the Mountain didn't seem to care if she froze to death before they reached King's Landing. "Up you go," he lifted her onto the horse, the tight grip of his hands on her waist surely bruising her soft skin beneath her layers of clothes. Climbing up onto the horse himself, he snapped the horse into a trot and then they were gone, out the open gates of Winterfell and down the long road towards King's Landing. Looking back over her shoulder, Sansa felt a chill race down her spine that wasn't from the cold. It was Jon she thought of then, of his deep set, dark brown eyes, wishing with all of her might that he was there then. Please Jon, she thought as she was swiftly taken from her home, please be safe.

If nothing else, even if she got to King's Landing and Cersei took her head, she just wanted him to be alive.

[ x x x ]

All he could think of was her.

He rushed from the battlefield back towards Winterfell, back to where she was. Jon still could barely believe they'd won- he hadn't anticipated it, truthfully- but they had and now he had to see her. He had to hold her. He had to tell her just how he felt. But as he and a few of the survivors approached the gates, he felt it... A cold sense of dread that filled him whole, nearly snatching the breath from his lungs. "Jon?" It was Arya coming up beside him, her dark eyes meeting his, her features taut with worry. Could she feel it too? "Where are the guards?" Jon snapped his gaze from her face to the guard towers on either side of the open gate, realizing only then that there was no one within them. Sansa! He broke off at a run then, leaving Arya and the others behind, uncaring of the pain his battered body felt with every step that he took.

Down to the crypts he rushed, his mind whirling with hundreds of thoughts, but every one of them had to do with her. "Sansa!" He shouted as he nearly broke down the door to get into the passage, stumbling over the crumbling rock that once were a solid set of stairs. To his horror, she did not reply, but rather he heard the soft whining of Ghost. His wolf was pacing back and forth before the statue of Ned Stark, as if this was where Sansa has once been standing. "Sansa..." He came to stand before Ghost, who as soon as he'd noticed him, rushed towards Jon's side, his whining increasing. "It's okay boy," he murmured as he knelt down to put a hand to his ears, rubbing the soft head. "Where is she, Ghost? Where's Sansa?"

"Jon?"

He turned to look over his shoulder at the sound of Arya's voice, noticing only then that her face was bruised and pale. "There's a note." He stood up, his head swimming, and he reached out a hand to touch the wall, steadying himself. Arya approached, her worry evident as she extended out a rolled up parchment, already unsealed. He didn't have to ask her who it was from, for something told Jon he already knew. Unrolling it, Jon felt his heart skip a beat, felt his stomach sink as the unfamiliar handwriting began to blur. Damn her, he thought as he began to fall, damn that Cersei Lannister.

And then... Everything went black.

[ x x x ]

As the peaks of King's Landing came into view, Sansa knew she was in trouble.

Though she knew Cersei would not kill her outright, how could she after all? But coming back to this place... Here in King's Landing she had suffered so very much. Cersei would not make it easy on her. It would not be as it had once been. And worse yet, for all she knew Cersei would still yet blame her for the death of Joffrey, that alone could be her undoing. Sansa felt a chill race down her spine and she shivered from it, though the Mountain must have thought it was from the cold for he reminded her that they were almost there. Sansa could not help but to laugh-the cold had not bothered her for a long time now. She wished she could still yet feel the biting cold sting against her flesh, but that feeling had disappeared a long time ago.

Riding down the main road towards the Red Keep, Sansa noticed the city was quiet. It was early morning, so very early the sun had not yet even begun to rise. "Cover yourself girl," the Mountain suddenly spoke, draping what must have been his cloak over her hair, hiding her identity from prying eyes. No one could know Ned Stark's daughter, the now Lady of Winterfell, no, the Queen in the North, had been brought back to King's Landing. Drawing the cloak closer to herself, Sansa kept her eyes ahead, knowing everything was about to change.

Again, Jon came to her thoughts and so fiercely did she miss him that it brought tears to her eyes. Was he alright? What of Arya, of Brienne? Even Ser Davos whom she'd begun to establish a close relationship with. Those left in this world that she loved... Were they safe? Had the battle yet been won? And even Daenerys, what of her and her precious dragons? Had they made it through the battle unscathed? Or had they all fallen beneath the Night King's sword... Would there be no one to come and save her? No, she reminded herself, she would have to get herself out of this mess. Somehow.

It was then that they rode through the main gate and as the Mountain came to a stop, it was then that Sansa saw her standing there. Her blonde hair was cropped short, but her gown was as fashionable as ever, with long sleeves and a overlay of silk that draped across her front. Sansa felt her breath catch, but she made no movement even as the man behind her dismounted from his horse. "Get moving girl," the tight grip of his hands on her waist brought her back to the present, and Sansa staggered as her feet hit the ground for the first time in hours. He pushed her towards where Cersei stood in the doorway, paying no mind to how she stumbled over her own feet, clearly exhausted from the hours upon hours of riding. "My queen," he greeted as they approached, tugging the cloak he'd given her away, revealing her face to the woman. "I've brought you Sansa Stark."

Cersei's rosy lips curled with a haunted smile before she tilted her head, inspecting the young, beautiful woman before her. Even after hours of riding, of no sleep and no food, she was lovely. She had grown from a frightened young girl into a beautiful woman. Cersei could not stop the twinge of jealousy, could not help but to recall the old woman's prophecy of the younger, more beautiful queen who would take her place. She had once thought it would be this Daernerys Targaryen who had sailed across the Narrow Sea to reach Westeros, but now... Could it be the girl standing before her? "Hello, little dove." The use of her old pet name did not offer Sansa any comfort, but rather a cold dread settled into the pit of her stomach. But she held her head high and returned the smile that was offered to her.

She had survived Cersei Lannister and King's Landing once before and so she would do it again.

[ x x x ]

When he woke, his first thought was of her.

Forcing himself up from the bed, Jon grimaced, his wounds from the battle painful as they began to heal. "Jon." It was Daenerys seated beside his bed, to his shock, and he could not help but to feel disappointed. It should have been her... It should have been Sansa. "You shouldn't move yet." She went on, reaching out with her soft, gentle hands to push him back onto his pillow. "You'll only do more harm to yourself." He shrugged off her hands then, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, rising up without a single word. Daenerys sat back in the chair, looking at him with those violet eyes of hers, not a single strand of silver hair out of place on her head. "Jon..." She watched him as he pulled on the nearest shirt, one that Sansa herself had sewn for him before his departure for Dragonstone. Seeing her precise little stitches nearly broke him and he sank back onto his bed, hands covering his face as he fought to regain himself.

"I have to go to King's Landing." He finally said without preamble, lowering his hands to look across at Daenerys. For a moment her typically passive face faltered, disappointment skirting across her features. But then she regained herself, simply nodding as she watched him get back onto his feet. "How long have I been out?" He asked as he reached for the rest of his clothing, the fur trimmed cloak Sansa had made for him now draped over his arm. Daenerys had stood up as well, her violet eyes dark as they met his. Two days, her words haunted him as he shook his head, tugging his cloak on and making to push past her. "Move, your grace," he spoke with a venom he'd not felt before, his only thoughts of the girl he'd let down. Once again, Sansa was in the hands of the enemy, once again he'd failed to protect her.

Daenerys could not stop the jealousy that lept into her thoughts, darkening her heart. She had thought Jon was her's... Had thought that after all they'd been through already, he would stand beside her no matter what. It was true, his father had been her own brother, but did that truly matter in the end? "You intend to go after her? Cersei Lannister will have you murdered before you can reach her. You would give your life for her so easily?" Jon's face twisted with anger and at once she regretted her words, but there was no taking them back now. Jon stepped close to her then, his brown eyes never once straying from hers, a look in them she had never seen before.

"I would give my life for hers without hesitation." His hands curled into fists at his sides before he shook his head, the anger fleeing, knowing this woman could never understand how he felt about Sansa. No one could. "You want the Iron Throne, it is yours. I have no mind to take it." He finally said the words he'd been meaning to say since the day of his true heritage had been revealed. "I just want her." And then, without waiting for dismissal from the dragon queen, he was gone, nearly sprinting from the room in his haste to gather all he would need to get to King's Landing.

He would save Sansa if it was the last thing he did.

[ x x x ]

It was not the dungeons for her, as she'd expected.

In truth, the rooms Cersei had housed her in were rooms far beyond her station. Sansa noted the silk sheets and chiffon canopy, the gilded furnitature, and the spacious chambers. These had once been Myrcella's chambers. It was as if Cersei had refused to make a single change to the rooms her daughter had once occupied. Sansa had heard the news of her death, brought along to the North by word of mouth and she had felt remorse for the princess. Had they not once been something like friends? In truth, Sansa felt remorse for any innocent life claimed in this game, in this war for the Iron Throne. She wondered if Cersei thought it worth it... The life of her children for this clunky, ugly chair.

A knock on the door and then it opened, a handmaiden coming in with a fresh gown, another following after with water for her to wash. It was her second morning in King's Landing and she'd still yet to see Cersei and that... That was troublesome. But by the looks of the gown brought to her, the queen intended to take an audience with her this very day. And so Sansa allowed herself to be dressed by the maidens, though she did not wash with the water given to her- she would not risk it being tainted with poison.

It was a little later that the summons came- she was seated in the window, looking out across the courtyard of the Red Keep when there came another knock upon her chamber door. It was two of the queen's guard there at her door, their white cloaks a stark contrast to the dark looks upon their faces. "The queen wishes to speak to you, my lady." One guard spoke and Sansa could not help but to smirk; this was not a request, it was a command. But she rose to her feet all the same, allowing the two guards to lead her down the still familiar corridors, not to the Great Hall but to Cersei's own chambers.

She found her seated behind her desk as always, her eyes finding her own the moment she entered the room. "Sit, little dove," Cersei spoke, gesturing for Sansa to take the seat before the desk. "It has been a long time." Sansa did not reply as she took to the seat, her blue eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she took in the sight of the woman before her. Was that... The curve of a belly she saw? Sansa knew it was true then, the rumors she had heard, that Cersei carried yet another child by her own twin. It won't live, the thought crossed her mind without warning, like a premonition of what was to come. Blinking, she forced a smile and held Cersei's gaze, though she still did not speak. Cersei leaned forward over the desk, hands spread across its surface, those green eyes of hers unwavering in their stare. "I should have had you murdered for what you did to my son." Her voice was dangerous and Sansa felt her stomach drop, her own hands clenching into fists on her lap. "But..." She trailed off then, leaning back in her chair, hands now pressed against the swell of her stomach. Within her she carried the solution to all of her problems- within her, she carried the heir that would follow her. There would be no Targaryen to rule after her. The child would be a girl, she was certain, the woman of prophecy that would take her place on the throne. It would not be Daenerys Targaryen nor would it be this Sansa Stark before her. "Perhaps an exchange of life can be arranged. Yours for the Targaryen queen's."

Sansa did not believe her, not for an instant. There would be no exchanging her life for the dragon queen's that much Sansa was certain of. If Cersei still yet blamed her for Joffrey's death, then she would die before anyone would come for her- if they even did. She still knew not the fate of the beloved family against the army of the dead. And she knew that if Jon and the others were dead... Then what was the use in life? Without Jon, without Arya... It just would never be the same. Jon... She thought of him as she always did, of his smile, of the gentle touch of his hand against hers... Just please be alright. "Perhaps, your grace," Sansa finally spoke, her smile slight as she tilted her head, red hair a waterfall. It made no sense to argue her case over Joffrey's death, she would never believe her. "Unless of course Daenerys Targaryen comes for you first." Without waiting for a response, without being bid to rise, Sansa got to her feet and turned her back to this queen, knowing she would never again pretend to serve her. Gone was the young girl this queen had commanded with fright and manipulation and in her place was this new woman, Sansa Stark of Winterfell. The likes of Cersei Lannister could not frighten her anymore.

[ x x x ]

He had been riding for hours.

Hours and hours and yet he felt as if he were no closer to Sansa than when he'd first set out. His body ached and his wounds were bleeding, but he could not yet stop. How could he stop when Sansa was within the enemy's hands? The others tried to get him to stop, Arya and Brienne, Davos and even Tormund, but stopping was not an option. Jon thought of nothing but her... It fueled him to keep on riding, to never stop pushing forward.

"Jon... Look." It was Arya's voice, pulling him from the depth of his own mind, and he glanced beside him to where she rode, hand extended out. Following her pointed finger, he swiveled his gaze and that was when he caught sight of it... The first glimpse of King's Landing. They were still yet far, but that single sight of the tallest peak was enough to give him the energy he needed to continue. "We'll get there in time, Jon." Arya spoke again, once again claiming his attention. Jon stiffened but then nodded, a small smile twitching on his lips. She was right, they would get there in plenty of time to save Sansa.

"It can't be more than a day of riding away," Brienne spoke up, her pale features marred by cuts and a deep set bruise to her left temple. She still yet could not forgive herself for straying from Sansa's side. Yet again, her lady was trapped with the enemy, perhaps suffering in ways she did not deserve. In Cersei's clutches... No, Brienne would not think of such a thing. They would get to her and save her without any harm coming to her. That was all she had to keep her going and so she would believe it until the very end.

"Aye." Jon spoke, glancing to his left at Tormund, who gave a single nod. "Let's make it less than that." He kicked his horse into a gallop and took off, the others taking off after him. Wait for me, Sansa... Jon thought of her smile then, the sweet way it tugged at her rosy lips when she probably didn't even realize it. He would never allow anyone to take that smile away from her, not when she only so recently gained it back. Jon had fought with everything in him to protect her and take back Winterfell, he had sold himself out to the dragon queen and lost the respect of nearly every Northern lord... But he would not lose Sansa.

[ x x x ]

Something was not right.

Sansa could feel it in her bones, that cold sense of dread that only came to her when something truly awful was about to happen. She recalled the first time she had felt it... When Lady had been sentenced to die. And then the next... When her father had so unjustly lost his head. The ripple of anxiety sent chills down her spine, goosebumps rising across the backs of her arms. It had been hours since she had walked free from Cersei's chamber and she was quite surprised that the queen had not sent for her once again. In fact, no one had come to her in quite some time.

Rising up from where she sat at the table, she tiptoed across the room to open her chamber door, even more surprised to find the guards once posted there were gone. Sticking her head out into the hall, she caught sight of a maid rushing by, looking worred. "What's happening?" Sansa spoke loudly, catching the girl's attention. The maid slowed to a stop, glancing left and then right as if she knew she wasn't supposed to be speaking to her. But Sansa stepped fully out of the room then, allowing the chamber door to close behind her. "Tell me what's happening!" If the guards had left their posts outside her door, then that meant something truly awful must have been going on somewhere else in the castle. "Are we under attack?"

The maid again glanced left and then right, swallowing against whatever fears were deep within her. And then... She spoke. "The queen is in labor, my lady." She spoke quietly, the words ones Sansa had not at all anticipated on hearing. "It is much before her time and she is struggling. Many of the guards and staff... They've abandoned their posts. Those who are loyal... They are doing what they can for her grace." And then the maid was gone, racing off towards where she had been heading all along: the main set of doors that would lead her out of the Red Keep and into the streets.

For a moment she could not breathe but then she steadied herself, knowing this could be her one and only chance at escaping. And yet... It was not towards those same doors that her feet carried her, but down the halls towards the queen's chambers. They were a buzz of activity, with maids going in and out, two unfamiliar men pacing outside the chamber door. Sansa went past them without effort, she supposed they had not even noticed her slip on by. Into the antechamber first, she became aware of how dire the situation had to be within the queen's bed chamber. Maids were on their knees, praying to the Old or New Gods, some to save their queen... Others... Perhaps not. For a moment, she thought she might back out, that she would leave without taking another step inside that room. No, she told herself, you must see this for yourself. She swept by them, pushing open the door to Cersei's chamber. No one noticed her entry, the two maester's at the foot of the bed conversed in soft, somber tones, their expressions dark. Maids gathered around the bed on either side, their clothing stained with blood, their faces tracked with tears. And then, there she was, the once golden queen laying there in her grand bed, face pale as death itself.

Sansa quietly approached the side of the bed, only then drawing notice from anyone in the room. Cersei's green eyes opened as her head swiveled to face her, lips moving in a silent plea, words that Sansa could not hear. The swollen bump of her abdomen was hidden beneath the draping silk, but even those were stained with blood. It was as she'd thought only a day earlier, the child would not live. And now it was clear to her, neither would the mother. Then she spotted it, a cot on the far side of the bed, where a small bundle was neatly wrapped. Surely within a child lay, a child that never even drew a single breath, a child born far too soon. She made to step back from the bed but she felt a touch to her hand; looking down, it was Cersei grasping for her, lips again moving with words that she could not hear. Leaning down, Sansa placed her ear as close as she dared to the dying woman, to hear what very well could be her final words. Me? She's going to speak to me? Sansa thought, but pushed the thoughts away as she listened to what it was Cersei was trying to say. "A... Girl... Was it... A girl?" Cersei's words cut her like a knife and Sansa drew back, looking up towards the maester's that had heard their queen's whisper. One of them shook his head and then Sansa turned back to look into those fading green eyes. No, Sansa heard herself say, drawing back up to her full height as Cersei smiled, a laugh dying on her dry, chapped lips. And so I was wrong... So very wrong. Cersei closed her eyes then and drew a final breath, every ounce of fight leaving her body in that very moment.

And that was when Sansa left.

She backed away from the room as the maids began to cry in earnest, more than one falling to her knees at the queen's bloody bedside. The moment she was in the corridor, Sansa began to run, faster than she had ever run in all of her life. Down the halls and towards the main double doors, uncertain where she would go, but knowing anywhere would be better than here. Pushing past the doors, she stumbled out into the afternoon sunshine, the warmth of it unable to bring her any sense of comfort at all. She slowed to a walk and to a hault as she came upon the five men, all with their stark white cloaks, all with swords strapped to their hips. It was the men that remained of the queen's guard, men that would harm her without a second thought. Breath catching in her throat, Sansa took a step back, wondering if perhaps she'd been safer inside the Red Keep... But now it was too late.

The first man was approaching her, a hungry look in his eyes that Sansa had seen hundred's of times in a man. Fear clutched at her and she turned to make a run for it, but he grabbed hold of her arm before she could go, pulling her hard towards him. A fist connected with her abdomen seconds later and the very breath was knocked from her lungs as she collapsed upon the dirt. She had been here before, hadn't she? Too many times to count. Another hit came, this one in her side, sending her sprawling across the ground. "The queen bid us not to harm you, but now there's no queen." It was a second man that spoke, this one coming closer to reach out and take hold of a fistful of her hair, yanking her back up onto her feet. "But rumor is that you're as good as the Queen in the North... I ain't never been with a queen before, have you men?" The three other men laughed as they all crept closer, agreeing that no, they had never before. Sansa felt her heart skip a beat. This couldn't happen to her.. Not again... Not again! She fought back against the man holding her, his grip now on her arm, but no matter how hard she pulled she could not get free. A second man approached and his hand gripped the shoulder of her gown, tearing it away from her body. The third man was there too, closing in on her as Sansa began to shout, kicking and flailing with all of her might, blue eyes a frenzy as the last of the men circled her. A fist caught her in the mouth, another in the side, all the while the other two tore at her borrowed gown, making every attempt to tear it from her very body.

And then, they all heard it. The sound of galloping horses, the sound of someone come to save her.

Jon could see her up ahead, there in the courtyard of the Red Keep with five men around her. She was struggling against the one holding her and Jon could see her gown was torn, a sign that one of them had put his hands upon her in such a way that enraged him more than he thought possible. With the others thundering along beside him, they swept across the courtyard, breaking apart the five men that had suddenly abandoned Sansa, leaving her there to tumble into the dirt. Leaping from his horse, Jon unsheathed his sword and at once lunged at the nearest of men, the one that had been holding fast to her when they'd rode up. And just like that, a battle had erupted in the courtyard, for even Davos had taken up his sword against a man in honor to fight for the girl that was hunched over on the ground, doing her best to catch her breath and calm her racing heart.

It took him only three more slices before the man was cut down, slumping onto the ground as he gagged on his own blood, clutching at his wounded throat. Jon turned then, his eyes finding Sansa's as she looked out at him from where she sat, the gown she wore in pieces. "Sansa," he whispered her name before he began to run, racing towards her and throwing himself down before her. "Sansa!" He felt her a moment later, his arms winding around her as she threw herself into them, her body quivering as she buried her face into his shoulder. He held onto her as tightly as he dared, breathing in her sweet, familiar scent, the sounds of steel against steel the only other noise in the background as one by one, the queen's guards fell beneath his comrades blades. And then... It went silent.

Only then did he pull back from her, holding her at arm's length; he could already see the bruise upon her face, the blood on her lip. "I can't believe you're here," she whispered, her blue eyes shining as they filled with tears. Jon reached out a hand, thumb catching a tear as it slipped free, his lips curving with the smallest of smiles. How was it that he was always there when she needed him most? And not just Jon, she could see all of the others too, the ones that had come to save her from King's Landing. Arya stood just a short distance away, a strange look on her face, but Davos was smiling faintly, as if he'd always known the truth.

"I made you a promise, didn't I?" Jon's voice brought her back and Sansa looked back to him, only to see he was still yet smiling. "I will always protect you, Sansa." He had meant it back then, that vow of protection he'd offered her. Not just against Ramsay, but against anyone who might do her harm. At his words, Sansa was smiling too, before she plunged back into his arms, burying herself as close to him as she possibly could. It was only a few minutes later that he bid her to rise, drawing her up with him. Ser Davos was there then, draping her in his own cloak before offering her his arm, slowly taking her towards Jon's own horse that stood several yards away. Brienne and Arya met them there, Sansa embracing first her younger sister, holding onto the smaller girl for a long moment. And then she was forcing Brienne back onto her feet, for the tall swordswoman had knelt onto the ground at her feet, clearly shamed by Sansa's kidnapping.

Jon watched as she walked away from him, as she met with the others that she loved, knowing he had done as he'd promised. But it wasn't over yet. This was his life. She was his life. He followed the path he'd been born for- no, that he'd been reborn for, and it all led right back to her. And so he walked towards her again, to where Ser Davos was helping her up onto the horse's back and he climbed up behind her. "Lean on me," he whispered against the shell of her ear and he felt her body a moment later, her back against his chest as she settled into place against him. "Let's go home." He said to the others, all of whom had climbed back onto their own horses, all ready to make the journey back home.

Back to Winterfell.

[ x x x ]

It was days later and Jon found himself to finally feel like normal again. After fighting the army of the dead, traveling to and from King's Landing, as well as fighting again, he had found himself to be beyond exhausted. The only thing that had kept him going on the return to Winterfell was Sansa, who rode without complaint even as the bruises began to darken, even when she could not sleep from the nightmares that plagued her yet again.

The moment they had rode through the gates of Winterfell, it was to cheers and joy. The Northern lords and peasants alike had gathered within the gates, cheering the arrival of their Lady of Winterfell and all the others they owed their lives to. Jon had caught sight of Daenerys even, high in the tower that overlooked it all, her pale face peering down from a single window. But even that was days ago and he'd not yet even seen the Dragon queen, he could not even say if she still yet remained in Winterfell. It was as he had told her- he cared not who sat upon the Iron Throne.

Rising from his bed for the first time, Jon dressed in the clean clothes that had been laid out for him and left his chamber, his feet taking him the familiar path to Sansa's. But, it took only a quick glance inside to see that she was not there and at once his heart was fluttering fast. He made his way down the halls but still could not find her. At least... Not at first.

He found her on the upper walkway with Ghost, looking out over all of Winterfell. She was dressed warmly, her fur cloak draped across her shoulders, the gown beneath it a deep and somber shade of blue he'd never before seen her wear, but recalled it being a color Catelyn Stark had often worn. She looked so beautiful standing there he could not help but to stand and stare a moment longer than he meant to. "Sansa," finally he spoke her name as he approached, the sound of his voice catching her attention. Her smile was radiant as she reached out a gloved hand to touch Ghost's head a moment before the direwolf came towards him, rubbing his head against Jon's knees. He ran his own hand along the wolf's neck and spine, thankful he still yet had his companion, though he'd seen little of the direwolf since his return. Ghost had committed himself to Sansa in the same sort of way Jon had it seemed. "How are you?"

Sansa regarded him for a moment longer before she turned back to face the vast expanse of space that was Winterfell, her gloved hands falling into place upon the stone before her. "I'm home," she said simply, her lips curving with a smile. "We're home." She clarified then, turning back to face him, the wind catching her long red hair. Jon could not help himself from reaching out, tucking a strand behind her ear, his fingertips trailing the length of her jaw as he drew his hand back. She caught his hand then, giving it the softest of squeezes as she stepped a little closer, the gap between them minimal at best. She heard him say her name, so softly that she thought she might have imagined it, but he was smiling as she leaned in, almost hesitantly, catching his mouth with her own.

Jon took her into his arms the moment he felt her lips find his and suddenly there was no gap between them at all. He returned her kiss with every ounce of passion he could muster, wondering just how long he'd truly been waiting to do this. As he drew back a few moments later, it was to cup her cheek with his palm, her blue eyes finding his as her hand slid into place over his. And then he said the only words that seemed to make sense.

"We're home."

And now, all would be well.

#jonsa #jon snow #sansa stark #game of thrones #jonsa fic #my writing #i wrote this #got fanfic #cersei lannister

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clarespace · 6 years

Text

oh god, i just saw the official mv and my heart is screaming. it’s also 2am and im gonna gush about pete and ae with quick and dirty gifs, so watch out:

ugh, i love these scenes so much. wait, i love every scene, but these first ones are so important. ae is presented as the typical confused guy but get this, he’s so soft and expressive with his feelings, and he’s. not. ashamed. of. it. quite a contrast with pete, whose been internalising his shame. the wonderful thing with ae is that he’s so honest and direct. he says what he feels and thinks. more importantly, his actions coincide with what he says. often, that just doesnt happen in bl stories. the guy feels something for another guy? he goes out with girls and avoids the guy, etc. not ae. the boy just dives right in after a few moments of self-reflection. what an awesome dude.

and pete. our sweet, shy pete is saying, while looking into ae’s eyes, that he’s liked ae from the beginning. how cute is that? but more than cute, there’s the impression that he’s reached the point where he feels really safe and secure with ae that he can openly say this. wasnt it only a few episodes ago where he was still worried about bothering ae, and ae has done so many things to affirm pete’s trust in him that they’ve reached this point. which episode this will be, who knows, but they get here, hopefully with as little fuss as possible.

look. at. THAT. that’s one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen and it just screams ‘couple in love’. i gotta say, the body direction in this drama has been SPOT ON by the director and the actors. they’re horribly in love and it should SHOW. they should have their own couple language, their sweet gestures. see how tender ae is, and how content pete looks, especially with the way he closes his eyes when he finally rests his head on ae’s shoulder. just...the way their bodies are positioned is so so so good. boys sit like that! and the way they are subtly turned towards each other shows openness and interest...hear me heave my biggest, happiest sigh.

idk what happens in this moment except i want more of it. study date? sleep over? moving in together?? okay, the last one is too soon but i have a weakness when my otp spend time sleeping with each other and doing their nightly routines and just living life in love. also, ae, dont be extra. pete is really cute when he’s asleep but that’s no reason to look at him as if he’s literally doing cartwheels and you’re so proud of him...ugh, fine, i take it back. look at him with love ALL THE TIME.

ok it’s so hilarious to me that pete was smiling his dumb ‘ai ae’ smile and then the next frame he’s all serious as ae pushes him down slowly on the bed. also. fooling around in broad daylight? i approve because it’s so ridiculous when dramas only seem to portray that sex happens at night, in the dark. definitely not. also, they could just be cuddling here and i wont object to that either. ae just really dives into this whole thing, huh?

once again, no context except that ae is so happy and pleased to see pete. get you a man who looks at pete the way ae does. look at the fondness in those eyes. he’s so expressive, i love it. kudos to the actor for his portrayal! also, pete looks...hesitant? surprised? that ae is waving at him? and like he’s leaving in a hurry? hmmmm also i love a guy in a football kit so much

wow guys, just show off your love, huh? like i said, one of my favourite things is watching a couple actually be a couple. what they do, how they act, their own gestures, their rituals and it looks like ae and pete are the kind of ridiculously soft, touchy feely, sweet af couple who love to spend as much time as possible...and that happens to be my all time weakness, my ultimate goal. it’s like, pete is either making a joke or telling him something funny and ae gives that little huff and everything is smothering me with joy.

i am surprised, though, by the implication that they spend a lot of nights sleeping together. it’s something i dont come across often in asian dramas. western, yes, when they’re dating and spend days and nights in their own world, and this is what i see happening with ae and pete. it’s modern and new and accurate. or am i just surprised because in kdramas they dont even hold hands and they flinch whenever they look each other in the eye? maybe.

they’re so freaking DOMESTIC and i am so here for that shit. who sleeps on what side of the bed? who wakes up first? do they sleep all cuddled up?(remembering ae sleeping on top of pete, that’s a big YES) who makes breakfast? who fixes the bed? I NEED TO KNOW

hands down my favourite moment. not only is it a great shot, it’s just so...normal. they’re just ordinary boys with an extraordinary love that they’re not afraid to show. look at that body language. the familiarity, the softness, the smoothness of the action. is this the end where they’ve fully accepted each other? told each other all of their stories? cleared away the misunderstandings and are now just basking in the joy of being together?

also, it’s quite telling that ae is being presented as the top. now, i do have my own preferences for top and bottom but i dont really care who does it, tbh, and it doesnt matter. you could have your own headcanons about it and that’s fine as long as you’re not being toxic. i’ve seen so many people refuse to read/watch something if this or that person is placed in a specific role. on that note, i like how they’re showing that the one who’s physically larger isn’t the top, as is the case most of the time. they’re going there.

there are a few more moments but now it’s 3:30am as i type this, my eyelids are getting heavy (even though my heart is still going kyaa kyaa) and im gonna end this with the two biggest things that the drama is going right with pete and ae:

1. you dont have to be a jerk and use tricks to make someone fall in love/pay attention to you.

2. being soft and in love is nothing to be ashamed of.

i hope that there wont be the usual misunderstandings with the girl, or unnecessary, or break ups. i’ve noticed some people say that pete and ae dont have a complex story and therefore their love isnt complex or strong, and i’d just like to correct that assumption. just because a love story isnt full of angst and bloodshed doesnt make it a lesser love, just like a love story full of hardship and pain makes it somehow more worthy. there is nothing romantic about pain or break ups or messy love triangles. yes, these things happen because the characters are idiots and make such choices that lead to these things, but ae and pete seem to make choices that are good and healthy for them and there is nothing wrong with that. there is nothing wrong with falling in love, getting that person, and living a happy life. it’s so rare to get this sweet, soft gem of a love story between two sweet, soft boys. let’s enjoy it and not wish them to break up or go through silly misunderstandings. if that happens, then it happens logically and not just to throw unnecessary angst in there.

happiness is not boring. we’ve (or at least, i have) been waiting for so long for a main couple who gets that smooth-sailing love while the secondary ones go through all the mess and have that role model of good, healthy relationships as the focus. again, not saying they should be in a perfect, conflict free relationship but the meddling third parties? the miscommunication? nothing in their personalities makes those things possible long-term, tbh. ae would just be blunt about it and tell the truth. pete would probably agonise a little bit and then ask. if you find dark, angsty love stories as your thing, good for you, but dont wish for that to happen just for the sake of it.

please let them be happy. look at these adorable children! they should only know happiness and cuddles and sweet kisses.

come talk to me about ae and pete! i am so down with talking about them!

(seeing as there are several volumes of the novel, it would seem that pete and ae do go through some stuff but they remain steadfast and true, as much as i can gather. just no avoidable bullshit, please.)

(also 4am. if you read all of this word regurgitation, thank you and im sorry lmao)

#love by chance the series #love by chance #ae/pete #pete/ae #they are the cutest #sweetness #most adorable couple #PLEASE PROTECT THEM #they are too precious for this world #dont fuck them up dont fuck them up

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joshpup · 7 years

Text

Svt on the 4th of July

Okay

Lets just say svt is in the grand old USA

*que shua saying the pledge of allegiance with and eagle screeching in the background*

But wait

There’s more

its…THE 4TH OF JULY

Idk how it is over in the west coast

But here in the east coast

The 4th is wild

Trying to figure out if what you are hearing is gunshots or fireworks at night

Which mind you

In my state

Both are illegal

MERICAAAAAAAAA

Back to svt

Our boy shua takes the lead

Like the few times vernon did experience it

He was probably to little to remember

So in this case

Shua takes the lead

So let the fun begin

Im sure every member has hear a bit about the events that occur during the 4th

But now that they are going to get the full experience

Buckle up your seat belts because this is gonna be a wild ride

Also im going to be basing this entirely off what ive experienced

So probably not what shua actually experienced

But either way its america and the 4th

Its bound to be wild no mater what

They wake up early in the morning

No time to sleep on a holiday as important as this one

Catch shua decked out in as much red, white and blue, stars and stripes he can get on his body

Also hot as heck because it is July

But patriotism above comfort am i right no

Anyways

Catch shua making sure every member has some type of stars in stripes on

Remember those little tattoos that you get wet and then put on

Idk if they have a name tbh

Anyways

Every member has a 4th of july one on

Like most of them were smart about where they stuck on the lil tattoo

But yall

Hoshi and dk

Stuck the sparkly red, white and blue firework tattoo right on their face

Like catch these attractive grown men walking around with these tattoos on their cheeks

I love it tbh

So all the members are ready

Vernon found a flag banda and is now wearing it

Shua has that dumb bucket hat on

I guarantee you someone is just straight up wrapped in a flag

Probably mingyu

Okay okay so now everyone is ready for the day

Time to stake out seats for the parade

Or at least thats the plan

They get there and immediately get distracted

This is where my weird state comes into play srry

Okay but so all these little pop up stores showed up

From weird stores that just have like old knick knacks and such to like little pet booths where you can get your dog the new latest and greatest outfit with a matching collar and leash

Mingyu and wonwoo were the first to get lost at the pet accessory stole

After that seungkwan, vernon and chan where left behind at the food stole

Who is going to pass up funnel cake and like snow cones

Not them

When shua realized they were missing

He left coups and the rest at the turtle derby

Yah you read that right

The best race ever

So while the other svt members got way to into watching a bunch of turtles with numbers taped to the shell try and walk out of a circle first

Good stuff

Anyways so eventually shua rounds them up

Just in time to arrive for the great watermelon eating contest

Watching people inhale watermelon at an alarming rate and worrying for their safety only makes the 4th that much more exciting

So after watching that mess of an event

And coups surprisingly getting really really into it

The 13 of them make there way to the roadside

Blankets in hand

Finally found a big enough for all of them

Bonus its also partly in the shade

So they lay down the blankets and get all settled in

The best

And most terrifying part

Of the entire day

The parade

Everything admirable about the town shows up

So basically

Some school marching bands

Every firetruck and police car you can fit into one space

A lot of random floats for things you’ve literally never heard of

Some random prom queen idk

But svt would be like

OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE ALL THOSE INSTRUMENTS!!!!

!!!! there !!! is !! a !!! dog !!!! in !!! that !!!! one !!!! float !!!!

Actually go deaf from the fire truck sirens

But whatever

Half of them scream with joy when some of the floats throw candy into the crowd

Except its more like they pelt the candy at you but whatever m8

Shua is have a grand old time reliving the joys of the 4th

Vernon is probably like oh god they weren’t joking when they said all this stuff about it

And the rest of them are like america omg wild i love it

Except wonwoo he might get a little overwhelmed

And like i can kinda see seungkwan being a little sassy about all the cheesy floats

Me too boo me too

So after a while the parade ends

Everyone is hyped

No matter how crappy the parade is or how good it is

Everyone is hyped

Because you know whats next

The most memorable part of the whole holiday

The fireworks

But its like lunch time right now

Its a while before its dark

So svt goes for lunch

Since its such a large group of people it was decided hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill is the best choice

So off everyone goes

And now begins the food preparation

Doesn’t actually take too long

Thankfully

Because hungry boys doesn’t make for a good situation

So they all get there food and eat to their hearts content

Because eating and full svt is the best svt you can fight me on this

So because its so hot

Water usually gets involved

And im just gonna say three words

Water Balloon fight

Can you see it

The split up into their units

Fill up water balloons as fast as possible

Set up bases

Create a battle strategy

Because this is an intense fight do you hear

Life or death

And so beings the adult water balloon fight

Best and biggest water balloon fight in history lemme tell you

So soooooo much fun

A memory all of them would have for the rest of their lives

They’d all be laughing so hard there stomachs would hurt

Even if a random stranger walked past the battle

Im sure they would just stop and watch and smile

Because hearing such sweet laughter like that

And watching 13 people just have straight up fun

And just enjoy life would bring a smile to anyone’s face

So now they are soaked

Worth it tho

By the time they collect themselves and dry off and like get all their energy back

Its probably close to dusk

So they gather up blankets and chairs

Shua hunts down sparklers and what are they called pop its ???

Omg hold on imagine svt with those pop its

Im crying just thinking about it

The best part of the 4th is chucking those little tnt poppers at your friends and watching them run away in terror as they explode

Just imagine svt with that im yelling

Tbh at first they would have fun just throwing them down on the ground and watching them explode and hearing the lil snap

And then shua comes in

And just chucks it at jeonghan

Jeonghan screams

Throws one back

Hits coups instead

Coups throws one

Hits seungkwan

Now you’ve got vernon and seungkwan joining in

Somehow wonwoo gets hit

Wonwoo isnt going to miss this chance

Pelts one at mingyu

Somehow woozi gets hit

Everyone freezes and watches him slowly pull one out of the saw dust or whatever

And then

All hell breaks loose

That lasts until they run out

Which doesn’t take to long honestly

Those boxes are tiny the run out so quick and ruin all the fun

Anyways so now the sun is like almost setting

So they all pile into some cars

And begin the adventure for open space to watch the firework show

Shua probably knows a good place

Like an open field

Or the top of a parking garage

So they go there

Set up camp round two

Then they wait

Light some sparklers

Mingyu almost burns himself

Tbh probably almost cries

Minghao and jun roast people

Someone probably flipped out and dropped a sparkler and almost caught another person on fire

Its svt literally anything could happen with them

Someone breaks out the glowsticks

Cause it aint the 4th until there are glowsticks

I guarantee you someone broke a glowstick

Tbh i bet it was coups

Someone would be struggling

And he would be like i got this im the dad i got this

*snaps it in half and all the liquid goes flying*

Glowing the rest of the night lmao

Finally the show starts

Everyone is dead silent at first

Totally into it

110% absorbed in the pretty lights

Then they start to oh and aw

Then they are clapping

Literally shook from the finale

Like wth thats a lot of fireworks all at once how did no one die

After thats over they beg shua to bring them back every 4th

Literally haven’t had so much fun in a loooooong time

Finally head back home

Ears still ringing a bit from the loud bangs of the fireworks

Fireworks going off in the distance probably fireworks lol

All together a highlight in sv bonding and memories and just so much fun plus cultural experiences good stuff

Ah man just imagine all of that my heart

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flowersandstems · 7 years

Text

I had at least two interesting dreams…

One I was back in high school. There was this girl who looked like Claire? From the Breakfast Club (ive never seen this whole movie so I had to look up her name) except her hair was cut/shaved down close. Who I guess I was supposed to assassinate. I follow her into this bathroom near the cafeteria/stair case, right before you get to the bulk of the class rooms while I talk to this guy. When I go in we start talking and instead of killing her we make friends.

She ends up telling me how much she likes my hair (I have my head shaved on one side) and and she ends up shaving the other side and under and then dying it for me right in the bathroom. I see it in the mirror finished and I boast about how much I love it. She ends up leaving as do I. It was a purple fade, but I remember it being teal at some point.

When I do leave I end up in a different place. It’s dark except for a minimal light source. I’m layig in my bed not moving.

There’s a guy here… I can remember if there we’re more and then left… (Though I know Asmodai* ends up showing up later). As I’m laying there I look over to try and see who this is. I see a chalkboard with names. I move through them and I either can’t read them at all or they disappear if they aren’t this guys name. In finally get to the last name which I could barely see past the mattress and had to lift my head. There was a number or something and it said “Azazel”.

This guy kind of looked like a pirate dad? Idk… He wore a hat, but didn’t get a good look. His face had ash on it, making it look grey. Though his kind was very dark creating a contrast. He was kind of big and reminded me of that pirate “dad” from treasure planet somehow.

(Note: I 100% know the guy from treasure planet isnt really a pirate dad but he’s practically a dad figure… So he’s pirate dad for now.)

Anyway, so he talking to me and begins explaining something about energy ovig through my feet, my head and the sides of my body all at what I mentally saw as bright balls of light/energy vortexes. There was something important about how they draw in energy to me. The ones on the side where specifically connected to my body rather than my arms.

He then asks if I can get up. I try saying “i think so, yeah) but I’m stuck where I am via my chest.

I lay back down saying telling him no/never mind giving up.

He says hes okay with that and begins to explain something to me. He starts the explainantion with "remember…” or “always remember…”… But the rest of the information though he said it, I really only understood it in energy… Recalling it, it felt like an explanation of how and maybe even why the vortexes bring in energy. Currently I see this as energy being sucked in in the form of a swiriling whirlpool of light/energy.

I think the reasoning behind why this is important had to do with what I thought about when he explained it. (Somewhere in this explanation Asmodai* shows up).

In a little bit we part ways. While I’m kind of in an in between world. I hear him say something along the lines of “I want to be friends”. But it reminds me of that “you know what, I think we’re gonna be friends” kid in the way he said it.

Two My second dream I was with this family… First I was in the car with my mom… She was taking me to Walmart. But I was being forced to pay for my food, etc (because I’m an adult). At some point there was this old woman and man who we’re trying to take me at Walmart. We drove away and got to the bottom of the hill it was on. As we tried to get away, things began to feel like gravity falls and I was trying to escape with Dipper and Gruncle Stan.

We move through a cave and find this family in a different hill. I guess these people are meant to adopt me and keep me safe from the old woman and man trying to trick me/take me away. We go inside and stan is gone by now and the feeling of the dream became more real.

In the house and get acquainted with the mom. She and the home seem very “wholesome” somehow… She’s also wearig a dress that looks like it’s come from the 50s or something. I remember it being around dinner and she asks me to go in the basement to get two cups like the ones one the shelves for me (and who is now my sister rather than Dipper) to drink from.

All the cups were plastic and has cute animals one them, some we’re sippy cups. I guessed the mom just like stuff with cute animals (some “thing” explained it to me).

I didn’t get to it because I got distracted. However I remember at some point still being in the kitchen and asking if I had siblings and how many. The mom seemed kind of “of course, didn’t you see that kid right there”. One of them a young boy around 10 was sitting at the table eating cereal. I play it cool and say “other than him”. I remember seeing the basement door at some point and see if the dad come up stairs. He’s wearing a plaid collar shirt and he shakes my hand lightly as we introduce ourselves.

She replies conforming I do and I remember the conclusion of there being MANY… Around 18 or more.

When she says this two of the vrothersyand I think a young girl around 6 or so come in the room. One was an emo kid, the other was dressed in a light colored collar shirt, I didn’t get a good look at the girl, but I think she was wearing a dress.

Someone gives emo bro a canvas basket/bag (which was really stiff and more basket like than bag like) and my sister one so they could gonotside and pick berries nearby. I was expected to stay inside and do something else. But I try to go with them. (I end up not making it past the door. I turned around because the mom and dad had stuff they needed me to do).

Another scene I remember was I was in one of the bed rooms. I had a laptop hooked up to a monitor. My irl mom shows up, but she was just a visitor. She’s asking about my computer/etc… The set up was cool though because there was a dock the held the cord (this cord was like my surface pro cord but as if it was a grey Macbook cord) so you could see the light indicator.

#flowers dreams #flowers long posts #sorry its so long and probably full of typos because i suck

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unicornninjabitch · 7 years

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Me to my therapist: No I’ve been doing really well :)

Me to strangers on the internet who dont give a fuck: Yo guess who’s having a depressive episode?! It’s me bitches

Here’s a secret, I’m a shitty person. I’ve hurt people that no amount of apologies could help. I wish I could’ve ended somethings on better terms than I did and I wish I could erase myself from some people’s lives cause all I did was fuck them over. I know this and I like to think if given the opportunity I could give them the apology they deserve cause, believe it or not, I’m a fucking disaster. I don’t want to sound like an Edgelord™, but I really am a fucking mess. I could blame the childhood I had or my own issues and you know those might be part of it, but I also know I’m basically always smashing my self-destruct button. I know I run from good things cause for so long my life motto was “Leave before you’re left” cause everyone left. My dad, uncles, aunts, cousins, best friends, my mom, exes, everyone left me behind at some point. For years I refused to call anyone my best friend because they all disappeared. Hell one of them left cause I didn’t have feelings for him and I blamed my fucking self. I told myself for months “If you just pretended you could’ve liked him” like that would be fair to either of us. For fucks sake even my middle school relationships I ended when they were good because I was terrified I’d get hurt. The only relationship I didn’t fucking run from was the one where I got cheated on like 3 times cause I was a dumbass freshman who thought some boy really changed for me. For gods sake I still get put on edge when people say nice things about me cause for so long nice things always came with a but or some kinda favor that needed to get done. I don't even ask my family to help me with a bunch of things cause that meant I owed them and owing people was a place I didn’t ever want to be (especially financially)

I think what it comes down to might be I’m scared to let myself be happy cause being happy was always followed by something terrible following it like if I stay alone and depressed then I can’t ever be let down. I know that’s a terrible way to approach life and it’s not healthy and I wish I could say I’m working on it, but I don’t know how to take that out of me. I think I’ve always been that way though, well at least a good portion of my life. I thought being abandoned was normal, but then I had friends and they would talk about their families. Their families were fucking great, they had their parents and the biggest complaint was their curfew or how they always had to sit down together to eat and a HUGE part of me kinda hated them. They had no idea what I would have gave for that, for a happy family, a normal family that were there for each other and consistent, for parents who didn’t start screaming the second they made eye contact. Here they were with the nerve to complain and I know I didn’t know everything about their home lives but it didn’t stop me from being angry or sad or deflecting every question about my family. And this shit all went down before my depression really started up can you believe that?! Like at least 2 years before and it just got fucking worse. I got sadder and angrier as the years went on cause my parents fought more (and i swore a divorce wouldve helped this but nope) and they still complained about curfews and sleepovers and dinners and what was baby Alex up to? Baby Alex was trying to keep a broken house from completely shattering and working and playing the messenger and being the middle man and parenting and being too grown up for a fucking 12 year old, so I stayed away from everyone and I delt with everything by taking it on myself. It wasn’t good, I’d hit myself and skip meals thinking if I got skinny I’d be pretty and refusing to sleep and cutting up my wrist and I probably did other dumb shit too.

Man and 8th grade was just the start of my eating issues, actually maybe it was 4th, but whatever. Okay so the 4th grade parts more one kid called me fat so I swore off breakfast and to this day I can’t eat till I’ve been awake for at least 2 hours. Then 8th grade there were days I’d only eat chips for lunch, but 9th grade was by far the worst. Okay 9th grade picture this you’ve been called fat since basically 4th grade and a lot of your 8th grade year your dad keeps saying “Oh you should eat better. You need to be more active” shit like that and you keep going on “family diets” plus the everyday self hate of being a teenager and society's beauty standards you cant meet. One day in the beginning of 9th grade I was really hating my body so I decided I’d go on a diet, so of course I downloaded an app and stared at pictures of skinny people with hip bones poking out and thigh gaps. However this app wasn’t worried about exercise or healthy food, but instead just calorie intake (see the problem already?) I thought if I keep the calorie intake below what the app says I lose more weight and faster. My daily eating schedule was a 90 calorie gatorade, half of a pb&j, half a carton of chocolate milk, and the smallest portion of dinner I could get (sometime with lunch I’d eat exctly 6 fries), but I mostly drank diet green tea and ice water. Each week I gave myself one “cheat day” where I ate whatever the fuck I wanted, but even then I tried to limit myself. I got called anorexic a lot at lunch because of how carefully I cut my food and pushed the remainder away from me. It was mostly kids joking and I mostly laughed it off or flipped them off cause I didn’t care they were joking. Until one day a friend offered me half his gatorade, so I took it drank some and put into the app how much I drank to which he said “Holy shit you really count your calories?” so I shrugged him off just like so what it’s not like I’m doing anything dangerous. Now mind you somedays my calorie intake was down to like 500 and the average for me at that time was like 1000 maybe (i dont remember its been a long time but it wasnt healthy). What stopped this you ask? Well I was talking to my mom one day and I was proud cause I lost like 15 pounds and a friends mom noticed (she asked if I was sick) and I noticed and I was just really proud, but my mom just said I was like obsessed, which looking back I was but at that time I was so pissed cause I didnt think I was. Then I stopped for a little, but it started up once I noticed I was gaining weight back. Then my mom had a miscarriage and got really depressed so she stayed with her boyfriend at the time who lived like 6 hours away. Food became like a huge thing, I ate a lot of junk food everyday cause I felt guilty. At that time me and my mom were butting heads a lot for whatever reasons and I was in the room with her when she learned the baby’s heartbeat stopped. I of course told her I was okay and didnt cry cause I wanted to be strong for her since she wa a mess, but I was like totally numb inside and totally blamed myself. (Now I logically know it wasnt my fault but I still feel like it was somehow if that makes sense?) Now my moms gone for the first time in my life, I’m with my dad who at this point I still can’t stand, my brothers are fighting a lot, I’m still distancing myself from friends, I’m dating a total douchebag, and it was just a lot for me, so I just constantly comfort ate cause I didn’t know how to talk about these issues to anyone.

Now back track to me saying I’m s hitty person, I was dating this guy and I loved him, I really dd, but I was scared. My last relationship was awful and bad and no one deserves that kind of relationship, but nonetheless I start dating this guy and it wasn’t healthy, I dont think. We were on and off for a while,I picked fights cause I was always told fightings normal in relationships, but we didn’t ever fight and I thought relationship fights were screaming and crying and slamming doors and shit like that cause that’s all I knew. Eventually we were together straight for about 6 months (I think all together it was about 9 months) and they were good for the most part, we may have moved too fast and planned forever too soon, but we were happy and didn’t care cause we loved each other. Then we broke up for good and I regretted it for a long time and we still talked convinced we could be friends after swearing we’d get married and other shit, but it didn’t work that way, so after about a year of us talking to each other scared to let go and move on and shit we finally said what we’re doing isnt good and we have to go separate ways. I was still miserable for awhile cause a part of me still loved him and maybe a part of me always will, but we unfollowed each other on everything and I think for myself I blocked him to make sure I didn’t do anything dumb.

After I like healed or whatever I dated this girl, she was fucking awesome, cute as hell, funny, just great and we were together not long but I had strong feelngs for her, but the Gender Crisis™ came and I didn’t know how to tell her what was going on so I told her I had some shit to figure out and we broke up and I immediately blocked her everywhere cause I didn’t want to hurt her like I did with that guy,and maybe it was dumb to do it that way, but I didn’t know how else to do it.

The moral of this is I’m awful, I do this shit at least once every summer, and idk how to talk about my issues in any other way than to word vomit to strangers on the internet.

#personal #tw self hate #tw self harm #tw eating disorder #(not really but to be safe)#i talk about my issues with relationships #to both humans and food #someday youll know my whole backstory

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