#emotional songs to tell me im not the first person to go through whatever i'm experiencing

[leeknown]

getting hit with the whystraykids feels :”

#untagged #they are so so so professional #watching that mv making thing.. this is really a JOB #where u gotta practice facial expressions and dance and everything else and adapting to wtv the directors want at that moment #despite feeling cold or if the outfits are uncomfy etc #amazing. #also listening to the album again; always an emotional support. hype songs to boost the energy and mellow songs for nights #emotional songs to tell me im not the first person to go through whatever i'm experiencing #every comeback i feel like my feelings are more complex; probably bc we are all ageing together so my capacity to comprehend stuff deepends #deepens* #they are really just 8 individuals who grew up training together and forming their personalities and living together adapting to each other #stay passionate stay tight-knit #i hope their brotherhood will be like btob #gems

[microcosmicheart]

Your Eyes Tell

When your person looks into your eyes, what do they see and what do they feel?

1 2 3 4

Pile 1

This pile’s person is giving “You two against the world” vibe.

What do they see?

They might have chased after you for a bit before the two of you got together.

They like you ALOT.

I see images flashing through their head of all the times you two have laughed together. They really treasure you and your connection because they understand that your nature is more social so you’ve had plenty of opportunities in the past to have partnered or stayed with someone else.

What do they feel?

They feel that with you, their life is full of adventure but in a way that's due to your mysterious(?) nature. 

Like they have no idea what’s going on in your head sometimes but it doesn't scare them at all. They’re ready to do whatever, whenever.

They’re in love with you fr fr. It took a minute to get the cards cuz they kept sneaking extra ones in. They have so much to say about you <3

Have a lovely day <3

Pile 2

This pile’s vibe is kinda dark but not like evil or scary. More like adrenaline pumping at night, for whatever reason.

What do they see?

Cards flipped right out awww

They see their fate. The KNOW yall are soulmates fr.

The two of you might have had to overcome or fight through a few obstacles to be together.

They feel very deeply about you. Giving partner in crime.

Also getting that whatever you are/do (career) or have gone through, they respect you. Period.

I’m hearing  “I don't care. I don't care.” from them while someone else tries to twist your loves’ view of you.

What do they feel?

They can not fail when they’re with you.

Side note, you may be a bit ‘backwards’ to the people around you. Your person loves you all the same.

(They lowkey are tryna write you a letter)

They feel your reasons for the way you are, and they’re careful to have me not use ‘understand’.

They themselves feel their emotions veerrryy deeply, so when they watch you in all your ‘backward’ glory with context to your situation and time to truly sit with what you've shared with them, it's like to them you're normal.

I see people gawking at you, maybe because of something you’ve said, but there stands your person, simply waiting for you to continue <3

Have a lovely day <3

Pile 3

This feels like a young/childhood love. Like yall have been around each other for a minute.

What do they see?

Getting goosebumps. This is a ‘rush’ or ‘whirlwind’ of love

I think they've seen you go and grow through a terrible relationship.

When they look into your eyes they see someone who at one point beat themselves down with a proverbial hammer, and with that same hammer built the badass that they know today.

What do they feel?

Ya’ll may be older now or when you get together cuz the vibe just switched.

Like I said, they may have seen you at your best, worst, your most mid; cuz while I was pulling they would pick a card but throw three or four others out at the last minute. They've seen all of you, so naturally it would be hard to sum it up all in one card.

What’s interesting is this person isn't very good with words and yet…

“I've seen you while you were in the wrong, positive you were right. I've seen you confused and unsure of your stance on things concerning your self and well being. I've seen you bloom. Wilt. Sprout. Grow. I was by your side through it all and that's where I'll stay.”

Have a lovely day <3

Pile 4

Goofy ahhh couple!

Yall definitely singing at the top of your lungs together (and one or both of you be on that hoe fr)

What do they see?

First of all, you came out of nowhere. “Like a bolt of lightning.”

This group also might have some age on them cuz the songs and the way I'm dancing to them have 90s bounce to it.

They may have been manifesting you but not like “This is what im manifesting”. More in a way where you're just everything they could ever want in a partner “PEAK partner”

What do they feel?

I felt an immensely grateful energy before I even pulled.

You may have unknowingly freed them from a lot of their fears or maybe helped embrace a part of themselves the world hasn't been very kind to.

They feel free, loved, happy. <3

Have a lovely day <3

#pick an image #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #oracle reading #pac reading #pac #general reading

[callisteios]

I ended up with "god of longing for connection", which is funny given my current situation (housing/attempting to get comics into animation etc) and I'm noticing that some others are getting deep sea god (when they're actually studying the deep ocean as their major) etc... so my q is, are you somehow an ancient greek oracle pointing things out using modern technology to see what the mortals do with this knowledge? (Also thanks for a fun quiz)

you're going to get a long answer for no other reason than I'm at work and I hate my job. sorry

like way to long. i am so sorry.

So.

personality stuff

I'm going to say that first and foremost I am a massive skeptic when it comes to stuff like personality types, astrology etc. I think a lot of these things are people making very broad statements which many people identify with and become more convinced of their reality. a messy rabbit hole. I'm hardly the first to say this so lets move on

I also am a massive fan of personality quizzes (done well) and things like tarot ( i literally love doing tarot readings does anyone want a tarot reading). so not super well meshing opinions you may say?

yes.

however. i make them fit like this. I don't think all people can be split into 12 or 16 or whatever number of groups. I do think there are many shared human experiences and emotions. I know that most people taking my quiz are of a smiliar age and mostly western. This means we have even more shared experiences in this very global world.

I also know that from a lifetime of studying people and trying to understand their motivations (thank you autism (in case you couldn't tell)) I have got reasonably good at understanding various types of feelings and states people experience. and yes i suppose 'types' of people.

From this observation I have understood that (on top of us living in a very similar/global environment) we all (not all but basically all) go through the same emotions at some point during our lives.

From this experience and my understanding of our shared reality and feelings it is not exceptionally hard for me to then craft a quiz and retroactively apply the answers.

Example:

I'm going to give an example here because I feel my explanation has got incredibly rambly. Uh spoilers for my god quiz

Let's look at this result: the sky and the earth (because it's one of my favourites)

the first thing i'd say about this is that it's literally based on one of my favourite songs of all time. written while the author was in a mental instition no less (stream dory previn). so i am hardly the first to identify this 'type'.

When i look at this result and am assigning answers for it, several things about it stick out to me. Its main focus is the in between feeling, the longing for more spirtuality but also a desire for the physical and real. while at the same time feeling as if those are very confliced desires. there's obviously more to it but i can only hold so much info in my brain.

i think this is a state many in modern society will experience as we live in such a new and confusing and separate world. i am exposed to more of the world every day, and yet i feel as if i understand it less. the opportunities for me to truly experience the natrual are few and far between. i want to crawl around upon the earth. i want to see the stars and be enlightened.

knowing this i will say

does someone who is sky and earth want to be a god?

(this was the hardest question for literally every type btw.) here i'd say yes. because only something divine can be two opposing concepts surely. surely to know the sky and earth is an impossible goal for a mortal.

ok moving on (im not doing this for every quesion, don't worry, just a couple more to hammer home the point)

this one was harder. i was torn between fruit, dedicated to one issue, and drowning. I think all fit but went for dedicated in the end

for this one i knew i was using a picture of an iguana and i thought iguanas come from deserts so i chose desert. they're not all hits

this one was so easy. to me the confluence of rivers, bringing together something that's normally apart. that felt like the duality of sky and earth to me.

basically the exact same thing as above with mutilation.

i chose the painting of the building surrounded by people. i felt like this building crushed between the sky and the earth, looked upon by passers by, felt like a monument to the dichotomy. when i am feeling sky and earth i feel like the building, i cannot move or touch or really experience. i am just stationary watching it all move around me

So you see. I have identified here an emotion which i felt, which i have witnessed others feeling. i have identified the likely responses i believe a person in this state would give and i hope for the best.

Tarot

OKay you definitely get the point bt now. but i am nowhere near done, i mentioned tarot earlier. there was a reason for this beyond me wanting to do more tarot readings.

I think even though im good, i am really not that good. one thing i have noted over doing many tarot readings is that often the subject needs incredibly little input from the reader. oh, they may need your help guiding them towards the symbolism on the card, but once they've got that they launch into an explanation of how this answers their question.

Because I Always make sure they ask a clear question. this to me is the most important part of any kind of reading or quiz. you want the person to think about this themselves and then perhaps help them to the conclusion. once they're at the results screen/have a card they already have some idea in mind. it doesn't matter if they were expecting something a bit different, this is just a vehicle for their own self truth anyway.

ok im done.

i am a god

woah woah woah. im not done though. you're talking to a classicist so ive GOT to address the oracle comment. my favourite oracle of delphi theory is that the oracle's chamber sat above some kind of natural gas deposit, this gas was possibly hallucinatory. The oracles would get high and then deliver prophesies. I believe that if you combined my observation with powerful drugs I could come up with prophesies like "if your empire goes to war with another empire a great empire will fall ;)". Therefore, yes i am. and i'm taking requests ;)

tldr? uh. i take very universal feelings, use some skill to present those to people most likely to identify with them, they do a bunch of the work

/tldr i am a divine prophet and would like my place at a nice temple and access to good drugs asap

#you can take brackets out of my cold dead hands #i have many asides and i find them the neatest way to do this #please do not kill me and take my brackets #this is not to say i dont believe in the more mystical aspects of tarot and other forms of divination. #i do not think self relflection and divine providence are incompatable #i feel like i similtaneously called myself a fraud and way overstated my abilities #so hopefully we land on a nice centrist everyone hates me #using the tags as footnotes her #important to note: i think you will see far more people saying my quiz was good than saying it was bad and they didn't relate because most #who don't simply won't interact #ok #done #ask #ninjakittycomics #wait not done #i need to say sorry again #to you and my followers #i need to stop writing horrifically long rambles to every question #well i say need. ill never stop. but ill never stop being sorry #sorry if you read all this #to my point about people not agreeing with results #see everyone reacting to getting tech company campuses/made up finance things. my 'meaner' answers #they definitely don't agree (mostly) though i would say in some cases that's because people don't like reading bad things about themselves

[acesofspadess]

Endless Love 3

a/n: make sure to go read the other parts first(they'll all be on my master list)

summary: Being on The Voice had become a quick dream of yours, and now that you were finally here... lets just say you were in for a crazy ride.

The Knockouts

You and Niall had somehow gotten closer. You would always share your joy on his upcoming album or text him your feelings on a single he just dropped. You talked all day one time about home and each other. You feel like it broke down an invisible barrier. 

You were going in today for ‘Knockouts’ rehearsals and you hadn’t seen Niall in person since battles. You were excited to see him. For knockouts you were going against EJ. He had a super strong voice and he was like an older brother to you. 

When you heard Nialls cue to come out you fixed your glasses and walked around the corner to see the beautiful boy in mention and Reba Macintire. You squished your face in your hands as always when you saw her.  “This is deadly, what?” your Irish accent thick. Niall laughed as he came up to hug you. “Look at you, aren't you gorgeous?” Reba said and EJ caught you as you pretended to faint. “Thank you so much.” You looked at Niall over Rebas shoulder with wide eyes and he smiled with an emotion you couldn't determine.

You walked over to your mic stand as Niall walked back to his chair. “Look at what you're doing to these people Reba.” he laughed. “I'm shakin like a leaf here beside ya.” Reba laughed and you spoke up through your mic. 

“You can't be nervous too.” They both laughed as you adjusted. “So the song that I'm doing is by Lewis Capaldi ‘Someone You Loved’.  I tend to go for belty and raspy songs or at least some i can modify to that and this is a song that is important to me because i went through something like this when i first moved to the states and im very happy now but id like to leave this song with a happy feeling.” you chuckled at the end feeling Nialls eyes on you.

“Excellent. That's not what i expected you to say honestly” you heard from Reba with a laugh.

You heard Niall under the beginning of the song tell Reba ‘watch this.’

~~~

When you were done Niall was clapping loudly and Reba had a look of shock over her face. “Super impressive. You sounded so good. And I know that was like 95% of what I know  you can do. I cannot wait to see your full 100%.”

“There is truly not much for me to say. You did amazing. The only thing I might suggest is cutting your last ‘loved’ instead of holdin on to it. Make it like a statement. Other than that you are amazing.” you tried the line out and agreed you liked it much better. 

When you left Niall called you back. “You did great today. Don't sike yourself out with the last line. You'll do whatever needs to be done when you get out there. Now go.” he ended with a laugh and he wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. You waved one last time to both of them and walked out.

“She's sweet.” Reba told Niall with a knowing wink.

“She's something else.”

—---------------------

“Lets go Bleu!” you heard Riley scream from his box as you walked on stage from your seat, previously watching EJ. You blew him a kiss and looked back to the judges to see Niall with a full teeth smile. You took in a deep breath from behind the mic stand as the beginning notes played.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

I need somebody to heal

Somebody to know

You started to really feel the song and move your hands from the mic to emphasise your words.

Somebody to have

Somebody to hold

It's easy to say

But it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

You let yourself go and played Nialls words in your head. 

Now the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

You took the mic off the stand as you held your last note.

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes

You saw the judges reactions to your note change and it egged you on

I fall into your arms

You saw Niall close his eye in disbelief

I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

As you held onto the last note you heard cheers 

But now the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

You waited for only the piano to play to finish your last  few lines

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

You cut off your last ‘loved’ just like Reba had told you to and when you opened your eyes you saw all four judges standing up and clapping. You covered your face in your hands as EJ came behind you and shook you in amazement. You heard Chance speak up first.

“EJ you had an energy that felt personal. I do think that because you were so into there were moments where the pitch wasnt all the way right, but you enjoying it so much gave us the feeling we were looking for. Bleu, let me tell you something,” he chuckled. “I have never seen someone deliver such an award worthy performance like you just did.” The audience cheered loudly and you saw the judges around Chance clap for you. “Thank you so much, Chance. That means a lot.” you thanked him generously. “I would lean towards my girl Bleu.” you thanked him again as the audience clapped before Kelly spoke up.

“Bleu, I think this is a really great avenue for you. I would love to hear a record with songs like this and the one from your blind audition on it. And you're like this girl sitting next to me in school, and then all the sudden I find out that you're like this incredible singer but you never talked to me the whole time.” you heard Nialls laugh above the rest which made you smile. “You're just a really quiet and subdued girl and then you have this powerhouse voice. That alone is captivating.” you bowed to her in thanks as she moved onto EJ. “EJ i have never heard of that song, but i will be covering it shortly on a talk show near you. That song is so cool. Like the whole vibe of it. It was such a smart decision for you as a performer, and it also separates you from other people in the competition.” 

EJ thanked Kelly as you both shifted your focus to Blake. “What's up EJ?” you chuckled softly knowing the history. “Anything i didn't see in the blind auditions with your performance i got to see an entire thing without making you do a battle you know. It's huge and that was a huge performance, so good job.” EJ thanked him and he moved onto you. “Bleu, the only thing I could focus on was how exactly in the pocket it felt like you were. I thought you were really solid all the way through and because of that consistency I'd probably go with Bleu.”

You thanked him as Carson came up on stage. “Alright Niall before your tough decision give us some thoughts.”

Niall took in a deep breath before talking. “When you think of what EJs done in this competition, Adele, Smokey Robinson, to a UK indie rock band; that shows the diversity he's capable of. Everything he puts his hand to seems to turn to gold.”

EJ thanked him as he turned to you. “Bleu, the last few weeks you've just really shown what you're capable of and Lewis will be absolutely over the moon with that version of it.” you shook your head at him in disbelief. 

“Niall, it's a tough one.” Carson stated, “but the time has come. Who is the winner of this knockout?”

He took a deep exhale and you knew how hard this must be for someone who was in this position before. “I just have to go with what I see in the future and in my gut… for the coming rounds and the bulletproof-ness of  it,” he took a pause looking up. “The winner of this knockout is Bleu.” you threw your head back in shock and disbelief and hugged EJ tightly before walking down to meet Niall. He hugged you tight, “you looked amazing up there.” You smiled brightly thanking him too many times and walked off stage waving to some audience members who cheered for you. 

bleuwilson

bleuwilson H sent me money to get ice cream for winning knockout #stillcannotbelieveimhere

User5 when niall pulled her back to comfort her>>>>>>

harrystyles I didn't even get a thank you

bleuwilson should've been there 🤷🏾‍♀️

harrystyles im on the tour you told me to go on

——

tags: @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @justmeinatree

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653

#nialler #cute niall #niall horan x reader #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan #niall horan smut #niall fanfic #niall one shot #one direction #solo niall #niall 1d #niall james horan #niall horan fic #niall the show #niall horan x y/n #niall imagine #niall horan x you #the show 2024 #endless love

[marshmallowprotection]

i notice in saeran's route is how he and saeyoung always gets compared constantly (by the rfa and maybe other ppl as well)and its understandable since their difference is largely different despite them having almost the same appearance

but how would these choi twins feel about an mc with a fraternal twin? like we're kind of similar (hair/eye color wise)? in appearance except that he's a guy? though i always get compared by him- he's more responsible, caring, and smart so when people know that we're twins they always gets this kind of expectation that i should be some way similar to him which I'm not, i think im self-focused and impulsive. idk how it'd end up this way, maybe because my mom liked to matched us with everything when were young? (i didn't really liked it when she does that i wanna be my own person but i didn't want to ruin my mom having fun) so im like tired of being thrown in the shadow, and recently i just got scolded for being selfish and not being as successful as he is because unlike me im not really good at practical stuff i dread living a boring life routinely and im not really obedient to my parents i like living my own life. but i don't dislike my brother he got issues too lol he's such a people pleaser which i dont understand why he takes effort in pleasing others when other people probably will never be satisfied whatever you do..!

I think GE saeran and SE saeran are the ones most connected to saeyoung how would they feel about this??

GE Saeran has had to walk a long road when it comes to his relationship with his brother. He adored him, he hated him, he was indifferent to him, he wanted him gone, he wanted him back, and every other emotion in the book. He was the younger twin that could never match up. His mother made him feel like a waste of space. 

She only kept him so that she could control Saeyoung and make him stay and do whatever she wanted. He was always wrong... never good enough. So, he knows what it feels like to mean nothing to your parents. Siblings have a rocky relationship in most families, but especially ones where nobody is treated as they should be. He knows your grief like the back of his hand. 

However, he also understands that people will use your relationship with your family against you. Rika manipulated him over his brother. She made him think that Saeyoung abandoned him forever and ran away. He is aware that parents are able to tell you lies and make it seem like something is what it isn’t. He will be the first one to tell you to sit down with your brother and understand his side of things. You may not have the full picture. There are golden children and a lot of scapegoats out there. You never know what’s really going on until you talk. He learned that. 

SE Saeran has been through this song and dance twice. He had his birth mother treat him like a waste of space that was only good for ensuring that she got any money for alcohol, and then his second mother treated him like a tool that had to constantly prove himself to be anything in her eyes. 

He grew to resent his twin for what happened to him, regardless of how it ended up and why, and to this day, he’s on the cusp of struggling with what it means to care about your family, if you even should. So, he knows exactly what you mean when you say that you feel like nobody thinks you’re as good as your brother. He hates that feeling so damn much. He would never want you to compare yourself to someone else like that. It’s just... exhausting. 

However, it’s important to note that he understands at a base level that he was manipulated by the adults in his life. Even if he knows the situation is never quite as it seems... he’s not going to suggest talking to your sibling about that, he is a far more likely candidate to suggest that you look harder at how your family does you and your sibling, as well as looking to see if your sibling goes along with the hurtful attitude. There’s a difference and considering he was too blinded by trust to see his problem, he’d want to guide you into giving yourself a chance. Not the people around you. Yourself. You’re the only one who matters when it comes to a view of yourself.

#anon #ask #mod kait #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #mystic messenger #saeran choi #choi saeran #saeray #saeran #ge saeran #se saeran #saeran mm #saeran mystic messenger #saeran mysme #mm saeran #mysme saeran #mystic messenger saeran

[actuallysaiyan]

My Personal Love Story: Jiraiya

Request: "She/ her. I'm an ISTP, born on the Pisces-Aries cusp, my venus sign is Taurus. I'm also an obsessive overthinker and very uncomfortable in my own skin. For my love language I like giving gifts and providing acts of service but in return, I secretly enjoy receiving affection through physical touch, which may be weird since i'm really private and reserved and too shy to initiate anything. I love travelling experiencing other cultures an trying new food. I need to go somewhere new a few times a year, it's one of the joys of my life because it is in my travels that I get to let go for a bit and just enjoy the moment and maybe consider doing something stupid because you can get away with it in a place you may not return to for a while (not too crazy though im a responsible adult haha). For a date, I'd prefer it to be really casual and relaxed coz it can be really uncomfortable for me to be meeting new people. You know, anxiety. lol idk if it helps but I have a dark sense of humor. For the character I'd like it to be a younger Jiraiya (so we'd be closer in age) because having a sense of humor is very important to me. He's just seems friendly and easy going i feel like he'd make me feel at ease. It can have a bit of smut 😅"

Your Song: I Melt With You- Modern English Headcanons:

Jiraiya was so taken aback by you at first. You met when you were both still teenagers, and you thought he was a little too inappropriate and rude. He grew on you over time as he matured(mostly...hahah) and he became a man. The next time you saw him was after the war, and you were the one to be taken aback.

It was a slow romance, Jiraiya wanted to make sure you felt comfortable. He was still recovering from some of his own problems and he had his own hopes and dreams, but he never forgot about you.

One night, he invited you out for dinner. You were surprised at how nervous you were about going on a date with Jiraiya. The whole night, Jiraiya had you laughing and smiling. You were so amazed at how much he had changed. You were starting to develop a crush on him.

Then as you continued to see one another, Jiraiya just made it official with you. He didn’t want to be with anyone else and he was ready to end his bachelor life if it meant he got to spend the rest of his life with you.

You and Jiraiya travel together as he tries to complete his quest. You’re always so blown away at the beauty of all the different cultures in this beautiful world. Jiraiya always picks out one souvenir from each place you go to so that you can bring it home.

When you’re both in Konoha, you live in a small house together. You have some wonderful memories in that house and you and Jiraiya love to make the most of it. He often will spend time writing his books as you relax and edit some of his manuscripts. This is a hobby you both enjoy while you’re both home.

Your sex life has never been better. Jiraiya knows exactly what he’s doing to you and he is very skilled at pleasing you. He is a very attentive lover and he knows all the special spots on your body to caress or bite. He always praises you so much and he very much enjoys making you feel good.

Lots of cuddles. Jiraiya loves having you fall asleep on his chest while you’re both taking a nap. He wraps himself around you, holding you close. He’ll place soft kisses to your forehead as he thanks whatever higher power is out there that let him have you in the first place.

Jiraiya is so proud of you. Anything you do, you know you will have your own personal cheerleader. Jiraiya will do anything to make you so happy, so he is very supportive of all your hobbies. He loves seeing you succeed as he recognizes how talented and wonderful you are.

Jiraiya also loves publicly showing you off. He thinks he’s so lucky to have you as his partner, and you are the sexiest person in his eyes. In public, he’s going to parade you around a little, but just know that it comes from a place of true love. He’s crazy about you.

Your First Kiss/First Time:

He unlocks the door to his apartment and lets you in. You are a little surprised that it’s this clean. You were expecting it to be a bit more like a guy’s place, but Jiraiya is someone who does enjoy having a clean space to be able to live comfortably.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight. I’m really enjoying our time together.” He says as he shuts the door behind him.

“I’m enjoying our time together too, Jiraiya.” You reply as he walks over to you. He slowly guides you towards the wall and you have your back pressed up against it.

His fingers tilt your head forward, as he looks deeply into your eyes. You can see so much emotion from this one look, and you swear you see a look of love and admiration in his eyes. Jiraiya leans in and captures your lips in a very sweet but passionate kiss.

You moan softly as you realize what’s happening. You lean in to kiss him back, your tongue teasings his lips. Jiraiya’s hands run from your shoulders down to your hips. You pull away to breathe, but it doesn’t take long for Jiraiya to kiss you once more.

His hands cup your ass as you feel him pull you up. Your legs wrap around him instinctively, as you feel yourself grow aroused. Your tongues fight for dominance as Jiraiya begins squeezing your ass.

“Jiraiya,” You whine breathlessly. Jiraiya smirks as he studies your plump red lips. You can feel his erection grinding up against you.

“I need you,” His voice is gruff and low as he confesses how he feels. You swallow hard, your heart beating so fast in your chest right now.

“I need you too,” you tell him. He just groans as he realizes what you’ve just said. He pulls you from the wall and carries you to the bedroom. When your back hits the mattress, you squeal in surprise. Jiraiya eyes you up and down.

“I love seeing you on my bed like this, you look so damn amazing.” He’s so aroused right now, he can’t think straight.

“Why don’t you join me?” You ask him in a teasing tone. His eyes light up at this and within seconds he’s next to you on the bed.

His lips connect to your neck, sucking and nipping while his hands make busy work with your shirt. You groan his name as he sucks on your sweet spot, making your pussy clench around nothing.

“You smell so fucking good, baby. I can’t wait to taste you.” Jiraiya says as he tosses your shirt to the ground. When he sees your breasts in that sexy bra of yours, Jiraiya goes absolutely feral.

You were in for a good night.

#actuallysaiyan's 1k followers event #bacon's 1k followers event #1k followers event #jiraiya #jiraiya x you #jiraiya x reader #jiraiya x y/n #jiraiya smut #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto smut

[rreeaahh]

Arms Tonite | draco malfoy

Arms Tonite - for @vogueweasley​ ‘s writing challenge (inspired by the song)

pairing: draco malfoy x fem!reader (ravenclaw)

words count: 10k - lyrics in italic

summary; your relationship with draco went from strangers, to lovers, to strangers again - but it broke the barrier between life and death.

warnings: the word “mudblood”; swearing; death eaters; voldemort; death of a character; some fluff; angst; kinda sad; slow burn; blood mention; (that’s all i could think of, please let me know if there are more!)

a/n: im so so so sorry if thats too long, my loves! i got carried away by this idea - i had it in my mind for so so long i used @vogueweasley 's writing challenge as motivation. again, congratulations mere! You're one of the first writers ive followed here, and I'm happy to see your blog growing❤️

 “Can I sit there?” you asked softly, embracing the pile of books to your chest. They were all for your Potions’ essay, where you really wanted to excel, only to prove Professor Snape what you were capable of.

Since the first year, Snape turned out to be a walking nightmare for all the students in the entire castle, especially for the ones who hadn’t a green tie around their neck. Being a Ravenclaw, the desire to know more was a normal thing for you: always asking questions and making assumptions only to gain more information made Snape grow a feeling of hatred towards you. He’d externalize that hate by giving you extra work, asking you questions you had no idea to answer, criticizing your skills in front of the class – basically, everything he could do to embarrass yourself and to show your classmates that you weren’t as smart as you wanted to introduce yourself.

“What?” the boy asked in confusion, his fingers squeezing the silver quill he was using to take notes from a booked that seemed to be about Transfiguration – a subject where you were at the top of the class, as Professor McGonagall told you proudly.

“I asked if I could stay here,” you repeated in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb the rest of the people who were struggling with their work. “All the tables are taken and that’s my spot, usually,” you added when he frowned his brows, scanning the room.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said careless, going back to his piece of parchment. “That’s my spot usually, too, but I haven’t seen you here,” he whispered as you sat down, in front of him.

“I don’t think we share classes, so I think we don’t go to the library at the same time. But maybe it could be our spot from now on.” Your explanation made the blonde boy look away, his cheeks running paler while the skin of his neck, revealed by the crack of his unbottoned shirt, seemed to burn.

The silence fell on you two, the room being filled only with whispers and quills running their ink on the papers. You really had to impress Snape with that essay, you had enough of his comments and ugly looks – he was a great teacher, a very skilled person, but he had a horrible way to be human – that if he could be considered a human being. Deep down you feared Snape – his cold eyes, his fluttering cloak and his loud steps: all of that gave you goosebumps all over your body. Thinking of those you felt your breath tangling up in your throat, and the letters started to dance in front of your eyes. At first, you looked around the room, searching for the Weasley twins, but it wasn’t a prank: it was the stress which took control over your mind, playing tricks and messing with you. Your throat was dry, and every time you tried to swallow your saliva it felt like you had sand in your mouth. Your tablemate seemed to notice your discomfort, because he looked at you under his eyelashes, his right brow raising in confusion or annoyance.

“What are you doing?” he asked, now looking at you without any reservation.

“Hm?” you buzzed, making eye contact with him. You couldn’t figure out if he was surprised by your daring glare, or intimidated or amused – he only kept on looking into your eyes, not revealing any true emotion.

“You keep on swallowing and it looks like you’re drowning or something.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled politely, which made him go back to his work. But when you kept on acting like you couldn’t breathe, he dropped his quill on the table and look like you with frustration. “What?”

“You’re distracting me, obviously,” he rolled his eyes. “Some of us are trying to focus, so keep quiet or leave.”

It was very rude of him – in your opinion – to talk to you, a complete stranger, like he could give you orders; especially when you did nothing wrong.

“Me too,” you sighed, “It’s only that…” But you stopped in the middle of the sentence, reminding that you didn’t know who you were talking to, and he probably didn’t care.

“Only what?” he asked, making you look at him again. His face was blank – relaxed, like he was an emotionless metal can.

“I’m not that good with Potions, so I’m struggling a little bit,” you smiled with shame, not knowing exactly why you felt that way admitting you weren’t good at something.

“We all are struggling,” he said like it wasn’t a big deal, pointing to his Transfiguration book. “Some of us on simple things, I see,” he commented after he took a sight at the books you chose and the big title you wrote on the parchment.

“Then maybe we could help each other,” you proposed, smiling at him in a friendly nature. He didn’t seem to understand your idea, given the frowned brows and half eyes that were starring at you. “I’m good at Transfiguration, the best if we’re to follow McGonagall’s words, so I could help you if you help me with my Potions essay.”

He took a moment to think, looking back and forward to your books and his, to your parchments and his – yours were filled with paragraphs and his were decorated with meaningless drawings. “I only need some notes, it’s not fair to do your whole essay in exchange of some stupid phrases,” he said like you were trying to fool him.

You chuckled and leaned back on your chair. “Yeah, nothing’s free,” you smiled, “Ok, then I’ll write your notes and you’ll write me the main ideas – after that I’ll write it on my own.” He stayed thoughtful and quiet, looking at your face; you tried hard not to run your fingers to your cheek, searching for dirt or anything that had him starring. “Deal?” you asked.

He held out his hand in your direction. “Deal,” was his only response, waiting for you to conclude the pact. And you did – you gently shook his hand, the skin of his palm feeling smooth against your own, like he was using lots of lotion every night before going to bed. But it was a nice feeling, which led a wave of warmth all over your body along with a good premonition about how he’d do your homework and him, in general.

The two of you switched your belongings, the only item that wasn’t switch being the quills – he was holding his like it was the biggest treasure he ever had; and maybe it was, you thought. Maybe it had an emotional story and he wanted to keep the quill only because of the memories it hold, but maybe he was only careful with what belonged to him. You never really had anyone to help you with your work – when you were a child your parents encouraged you to keep on trying by yourself in order to succeed, and you grew up avoiding other’s help, only to prove them that you could do it alone. After a while, in your third year of Hogwarts, you wanted to be helped, but it seemed like your older housemates were too busy and the ones your age were looking for you to help them. So, to be in the library on a Friday afternoon, helped by a boy you never crossed paths with before seemed like a new – and somehow exciting – experience. It was nice to write on the parchments which had their edges and corners filled with something that seemed to be flowers or some kind of plant with curled leaves. You often asked him questions about what you should or shouldn’t write, and depending on his answer you’d write down more explicit notes, as he kept on commenting how many useless things you’ve wrote in your essay by far – but he was funny, telling you that you should give Snape the essay the way it is so maybe you all could be lucky and get rid of the sulky teacher sooner than expected.

After some time, they boy looked at the silver watch on his left wrist and put down the quill. “My study time’s over,” he announced and you also put down the writing instrument, handing him the papers you tried to write as eligible as you could. “That’s all?” he asked and scoffed.

“Actually, I have more things to add, but…” You tried to say, but he already began to gather his things, closing the Transfiguration book and folding the parchments. “We could meet tomorrow, or Sunday,” you proposed and also got up when he did. You tried to make eye contact with him one more time, not paying that much attention to the height difference between you two.

“Again?” he spoke, fulfilling your wish. His eyes were mesmerizing – such a light blue, reminding you of a sunny sky.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want – it would be beneficial for both of us to finish what we started.”

And he thought that way too, because the next day he was already in the same spot of the library, all by himself, trying to decipher the entangled letter you wrote the other day. “Maybe Snape doesn’t like you because of your handwriting,” he said when you sat down, making you smile and chuckle – an action that caused him to have a little smile in the corner of his lips, too. And those smiles continued to grow on your faces, because besides the theoretical information you two changed, there were also a little funny comment slipped through the conversation.

“See you tomorrow?” you asked while gathering your things, because that time you were the one who needed to leave earlier.

“I can’t,” he simply said. “I have to study.”

“Isn’t that the reason we met here today?” you laughed, “To study together?”

“No, we met today to finish our deal – which is pretty much done,” he explained in a plain voice, pointing to the pages in your hand. The structure of the essay was done; you only needed to put it all together and his Transfiguration notes were enough for him to understand better the subject.

“Oh,” you said in a whisper. “Yeah, right, thank you…” you smiled to him, whishing that he’d realize that you two never introduced each other properly, but he only returned the smile in a polite way.

“You’re welcome,” was all he said and went back to his book, trying to put head to head the theory you made and the information from the book.

That Saturday you left the library with a strange feeling of loneliness – he was a stranger, but he helped you concentrate and also helped you with something that – maybe – was the most important opportunity for you to shut Snape’s mouth. That day flew by without you even realizing, but at night you found yourself thinking about the boy who tapped his fingers on the wooden surface anytime he’d search for the right words but couldn’t stand a strange breathing near him, and a pair of iced eyes was present in your dreams, doing nothing more than watching you with all the possible emotions mirroring in them.

“How was your weekend by far, Hermione?” you asked the girl only to break the strange silence between you two. She was looking for a specific book, and it happened to bump into her when you came to the library to continue your work.

It was a few hours after lunch, on a sunny Sunday when most of the students preferred to study or to simply hang out in the courtyards, lying on the grass. It wasn’t very weird that you had to deal with all those stares when you went to the library on such a beautiful day. You weren’t a bookworm or a nerd, but it was a special thing and you really wanted to have it all done by the end of Monday at least, so you wouldn’t be loaded with other things.

“It was… acceptable,” she responded and shrugged, going back to look for that book on the selves. “As acceptable as it could be a weekend spend in the company of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley,” she continued and you laughed. She was the brain of that trio, and it might be stressful to be their friend – but you were pretty sure it wasn’t that horrible since she stayed by their side for so long. “What about you?” she returned the question, giving up on her searching as she couldn’t find the right book.

Hermione followed you to your usual table, situated in a corner of the room, where the rays of sun came through the wide window and lighted all the pages. You sat down, leaving aside the parchments for some moments of chatting with your friend. “It was… fun,” you smiled, “I was here two days in a row doing homework.”

Hermione laughed while flipping the pages gently. “And Ronald says I’m the one who needs to sort out her priorities.”

“No,” you rolled your eyes, “It was fun because I had a study buddy. It was really nice,” the explanation made the girl leave her book and watch you with sudden interest. You knew Hermione wasn’t the type who gossip, so her attention was pure curiosity.

“Who?”

“I don’t really know,” you sighed, a little disappointment in your voice as you looked at your fingers, which were unconsciously tapping on the table. “We never made a proper introduction.”

The Gryffindor girl played with the zipper of her hoodie, looking like he was trying to remember all the persons who ever entered that room. “How was he looking?”

Handsome was the first word you wanted to say, as a joke, but a discarded book landed on your table, right on top of your papers and made you looks at the person whose shadow was covering your face.

“What is she doing at our spot?”

“Malfoy,” Hermione growled with hatred, “I don’t think your father bought the tables in the entire library, too,” she said and made the boy look at her with as much venom as a snake could carry.

So he was Malfoy – the mean boy Hermione would mention from time to time, the one who’d always have a harsh word to tell Ron and the one who despised The Chosen One so much. Your timetable never interfered with their, and you’d usually spend your weekends and breaks with some classmates you were friends with, so you never really crossed path with that Malfoy boy. You knew about him, but you didn’t know him – not until then.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Mudblood; learn to speak only when spoken to,” he said in a mockery tone, his eyes going back to you.

You looked at him, and then at Hermione, who seemed to search in you something you couldn’t actually find. “Well?” he repeated, but there was no response from you.

“What does he mean, Y/N? Your spot?” she asked, her voice cracking at the end.

“He’s… my study buddy,” you spoke and Malfoy raised his brow at the appellative, while Hermione froze.

“I’ll leave you with your study buddy, then,” she whispered to you and left, not before taking the book that was thrown on the table by the Slytherin boy.

Your hand was shaking when you grabbed the quill, going back to finish the essay that you started to properly write last night in your dormitory. “Yeah, take my scrap, you filthy Mudblood,” he commented and watched Hermione leave. He then sat down, in front of you, slightly pushing away from him the chair were your friend sat some seconds ago. “Don’t tell me she’s following you around like a little puppy,” he laughed and you looked at him in confusion.

“She’s my friend,” you simply said.

The confusion was now on Malfoy’s face. “Friend?” he scoffed.

“Don’t you have friends?”

“Plenty,” he responded quickly. “But my friends have my back when I’m in an argument.”

You shrugged and looked down again to your essay. “I’m a neutral person, I’m not picking sides,” you explained. He watched you write without any other interruption, but you were feeling weird to be aware of his presence in your perimeter and being as talkative as a fish. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you wrote your name at the bottom of the last paper. He quickly grabbed them all, smiling at your expression.

“I made some free time to come and read our final product.” He went back to be silent, his blue eyes running from left to right in order to read all the things you wrote more calligraphic, only thinking about his comment and about the nice letters he used to make the summary yesterday. “It’s good,” he said proudly, like it was his own.

“Really?” you asked shyly, not ready to have a criticism on that yet.

“Yes, I see you kept some of my phraseology,” he smiled in a kind way, returning the parchments to you.

“It was really well structured,” you laughed and ran a hand through your hair, blushing when you saw him starring intensely at your face – you really wanted to ask him if there was something on your face.

“It’s perfect, Y/N,” he repeated, “Snape can’t say otherwise. It’s nearly as good as mine are,” he assured you. His response made you laugh loudly, gaining some hissing from Madam Pince; your hands went to your mouth, covering it, and the boy looked at you with amusement.

“Thank you, Malfoy,” you whispered, scared to talk even in a quiet way. You knew how much the librarian hated the loud students, and you really didn’t want to be one of them. To be on her blacklist was something no one really wanted.

“Call me Draco,” he asked and got up. “I have to go, but I’m sure your work will be appreciated tomorrow.”

“It’s for Friday, actually.”

“So you had a week to do it, but you did it right away?” he laughed this time, but he seemed careless at Madam’s Pince hiss.

“What?” you pouted, already annoyed by his laugh. You knew what he was going to say, and it made you somehow ashamed.

“Nothing,” he said to your surprise, “It’s just that… I’ve never seen somebody to be that ambitious when it comes about school.”

“So you don’t make fun of me,” you thought out loud, making him chuckle again.

“Why would I make fun of you for being a determined person?” he asked and you returned his smile, more shyly, and waved him goodbye as you saw him walking away.

It was the last moment when you saw Draco Malfoy – Monday morning you looked for him in the Great Hall at breakfast, lunch, dinner and even after classes – but due to the large amount of students, he was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t put a foot in the library, because you stayed there awhile, doing your homework or reading – more like pretending to do any of those – but he never came. It was like he was swallowed by a big black hole and forgotten by all the people in Hogwarts. Nobody near you mentioned his name, and you didn’t dare to ask Hermione about him after the ‘study buddy’ situation. She said it was all fine between you two, because she knew about your neutral personality. It was simple: you never got into fights yourself or got involved when other people would argue – it was simple that way. You asked her if she was alright after Draco said all those things to her, of course, but when she told you it was alright you didn’t insisted more.

Friday came faster than you had thought and you were quite nervous to hand Snape your essay. All your classmates wished you good luck, even if they were in the exact same situation as you were – not quite the same, actually, because you were the only one asked to stay over class so the Potions Master could have a word with you.

“You wanted to talk to me, Professor?” you asked when the rest of the students left you all alone with Snape, who sat in the front of the class, hands crossed over his chest and a frowned look on his face.

“Obvious,” he spoke in his monotone voice, coming closer to your desk. “What is this, Miss L/N?” he asked, throwing in front of you the essay, all the pages spreading on the table.

“My essay, Sir,” you told him confident, already preparing your speech about how hard you worked on it and how he couldn’t say it was a piece of trash.

“Your essay?” he asked serious, and then he faked a laugh. “I think you mean Mister’s Malfoy essay,” he then handed you another parchment, with Draco’s name on it, neatly written.

You read a few phrases from his work, but there was nothing alike between them aside some expressions – the ones Draco observed you kept from his notes. “I didn’t steal his work, Sir,” you said in a quiet voice, not daring to look him in the eyes. You didn’t need to do that to know how mad he was.

“You didn’t steal it, you copied it.”

“No, I…” but he already made up his mind. He asked you to leave, informing you that you’d get more work to do, along with a week of detention.

Your blood was boiling and you only wanted to scream how much you hated everything: how much you hated Snape, for being a prick, how much you hated yourself, for not being able to do your own homework alone and how much you hated Draco, for ‘helping’ you and then disappearing – but he didn’t disappear, because he was in the end of the corridor, all by himself, his hands on his trousers’ pockets, standing in an elegant posture leaning on the wall. The dark always present on the Dungeons made him look paler that he seemed in the library’s sunrays, but the blue of his eyes was still remembering you of the clear sky in the moment he heard your steps.

“Y/N,” he greeted you from afar, a little smile growing on the corner of his lips. “How was…” but you didn’t give him the occasion to finish his sentence, leaving the dark corridor in a hurry.

It was odd that after a week of thinking only about him, about the blue of his eyes, about the way his voice would seem lighter when he was holding back his laugh, about the cute way he’d smile only a half of joy, you ran away from his presence like he was your worst nightmare when, in fact, he was present in your sweetest dreams.

It was your desire to be alone the one which made you isolate yourself in your room for some good hours, crying and hitting the pillows, throwing them in the walls and then gathering them, only to throw them again. You felt the way Snape’d describe your skills, work or everything you did: trash – you felt like trash. You thought about going to dinner with your housemates when you heard them leaving the Common Room, but you realized that Snape’s face, eating at the teachers’ table would’ve turned your stomach upside down. So you stayed there for another hour, thinking about everything and nothing in particular; you just knew that you were sick of it, sick of everything and you just needed a break.

And that’s what you did: you took a break. You left the dormitory only undressing yourself from the blue robes and went running on the empty corridors. When you left, you weren’t sure where you’d go – but you found yourself in the Astronomy Tower, watching the entire yard and the environs of the castle. The sky was painted in pastel colors, the sun bathing in the red color of the lake. It was beautiful and you wanted nothing than to be the same with all of it.

“I hate it all!” you screamed looking up to the sky, closing your eyes. “I hate Severus Snape!” you screamed again, opening your eyes and looking down. It was a long, long way to the bottom, where the cobbled paths would wait. “I hate that he managed to make me feel so useless,” now you whispered, tightening the metal balustrade between your palm until they became white. You shook the metal as hard as you could, but it stood still; the effort left you breathless, but you still managed to scream from the bottom of your lungs: “I hate myself!”

You had no idea where that came from – it was the first time you thought that way about you, but it felt very honest. You hated how much pressure you’ve put on your shoulders and now that you were too weak to carry it all, you felt worthless. The only thing you knew was that you were crying, so hard that your sobs didn’t let you hear the steps approaching you in such a hurry. The force of the hand that grabbed your elbow was unexpected, making you stumble on your own legs. The warm feeling immediately invaded your whole body as soon as you fell in a pair of arms, which were holding you hard enough not to fall to the ground.

“What the hell were you doing, Y/N?!” he screamed, the image of his face being blurred because of the tears in your eyes. You blinked a few times and there he was: Draco Malfoy, with a worried look on his face but with the same beautiful blue eyes.

“Draco…” you whispered and grabbed the material of his white shirt, “What are you doing here?” you managed to ask without your voice cracking.

“You didn’t come to dinner, and after the way you walk away from earlier…” he said and became paler, “But what were you doing? Don’t tell me you tried to…”

But you shook your head in negation faster than the words he said. “No, of course not,” you said trying to convince yourself more than him. “I was just… having a moment,” you explained and withdrew from his arms, hugging yourself to calm down.

“What happened, Y/N?” he asked again and touched your shoulders, his hands burning the skin under your uniform shirt.

“Snape said I copied your essay,” you succeed to whisper after a long silence, the tears coming back into your eyes.

His brows went lower, his mouth in a line. “Have you told him that I helped you?”

“No,” you said, now crying again. He wiped away a tear that rolled on your cheek. “He told me to leave before I could say anything, and now I have detention a whole week.”

“Sh, sh, sh,” he hummed as he pulled you back into his arms, one of his hands laying on your back as the other one was caressing your hair. “You don’t need to cry,” he spoke gently and his movements became clumsy as you cried even harder. “I’ll take care of it, Y/N,” he assured you and suddenly, your tears dried up.

“What?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“I… I’ll talk to Snape about it,” he repeated, “It’s not fair to act that way towards you when your essay was so good.”

All the parts of your body were screaming to kiss him only because he was that near to you. But you were too puzzled up to even hear those screams in your head. “You’ll get in trouble too, Draco.”

“No,” he smiled. “Let’s say that Snape owns my father one,” he smiled devilish, and contrary his expectations you smiled like you haven’t been crying until then.

“But why are you doing that?” you laughed and tried not to freak out because he was still holding you.

“So you could own me one later,” he continued to smile even after you hit them slightly in chest. “What? Nothing’s free, remember?”

You bit your cheek, trying to hold back a smile. “Yeah, sure.”

“So we have a deal?”

“No,” you said and raised a brow. “We have a deal only if you don’t get yourself in trouble by talking to Snape or, even worst, getting me into a bigger mess. You need to succeed in order to have a deal.”

“That sounds like a deal to me,” he smirked and ran a hand through his blonde hair, which seemed more like gray in the light given by the moon.

“We have a deal, then,” you laughed and tighten up a bit the grip on his shirt.

“Don’t ever stay that close to the edge again,” he asked you and you could see the same feeling of anxiety on his face. You nodded your head in agreement and he hugged you again. “You scared the shit out of me,” he confessed.

It was the first time in your life when you felt that somebody was truly worried about you. Your parents would’ve just watch you break down and then get up and try again, telling you that it’s the normal way to educate yourself. But that night, in his arms, you felt that you weren’t the same lonely child. It was a warm feeling, a feeling of a new burning in your heart. And it was a nice feeling.

  I fell in your arms tonight / I fell hard in your arms tonight / It was nice

 You agreed to meet Draco the next day in the Astronomy Tower half an hour before the dinner would finish and you were surprised to see him already there, welcoming you with the same somehow evil smirk he had the other day.

“You own me one,” he said without even waiting for you to say something. “Snape told me he’ll forget about the detention, but you need to make some rephrasing on your essay.” He was proud of his manipulative skills and you could see it in his eyes – there was a little sparkle as you approached him.

“Good job, Draco,” you said smiling from an ear to the other. “I guess I own you one.”

“Yes, yes you do.”

You look over the skyline and went closer to the balustrade, Draco following you closely even after you sat down on the stone floor, your legs hanging on the outside. You seemed to be secure enough, so Draco sat down and looked at the sunset as well.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did,” he puffed and you punched his shoulder, smiling.

“You’re an idiot, you know what I mean.”

“Why am I an idiot?” he asked and turned to face you with an ugly look.

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” you told him quickly. “I call my friends that way when they say something dumb but they’re funny at the same time,” you explained, ashamed that you offended him.

He was silent for a moment and looked at the lake again. “My father uses that term to talk about incompetent people,” he said and you looked away from his face.

“I guess it’s a way to use it, too,” you spoke shy.

“Why do you want to ask me?” he changed the subject, removing the awkward tension between you two.

“Why did you called Hermione Granger that word?” you asked cautious not to upset him with your curiosity.

“That’s what she is,” he said nonchalantly, “She’s a Mudblood, and she is inferior to us.”

“Only because of her blood?” you laughed. “And how do you know I’m not inferior to you too?”

“I made my research on you before talking to you again,” he shrugged.

“She’s superior to both of us in many ways, Draco,” you told him and looked at him in the moment he did the same. “She lives in another world at the same time she lives in this one,” you explained, “We were born surrounded by magic and that’s our only way of living.”

He lour. “Why do you say that?”

“I take the Muggle Studies class,” you smiled proudly.

“Why would you do that?” he scoffed. If you ignored his mentality on that subject, you could say he was really cute.

“It’s interesting,” you started. “They have many objects we have no idea about and they have fairy tales about anything – they’re kind of superstitious.”

“Superstitious?” he asked like he was curious and not like he wanted to mock you.

“Yeah,” you said and got up. “Maybe I’ll tell you about some superstitions one day.”

“Tomorrow night,” he asked you and got up as well.

“You want to know more about Muggles?” you laughed.

He shrugged. “It’s your chance to prove me they’re not inferior to us.”

“Ok,” you smiled and took the challenge.

You left the Tower walking by his side, and your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he walked you to your Common Room door, wishing you a goodnight. The next day Professor Snape wanted to talk to you again after class, this time apologizing for the way he managed the situation, but you could tell he wasn’t very pleased with what he was saying. When the dinner was nearly finished, you could see Draco leaving the Great Hall without looking in your direction and you knew it was the signal to get up and do the same thing after some minutes. You thought it’d be better if nobody would know where you were going and with who.

“Ready to learn about Muggles?” you asked him with joy as soon as you got in the highest place in Hogwarts.

“Whatever,” he laughed and rolled his eyes.

You brought a book you got last year on your birthday from Hermione, a book about a lot of things the Muggles believe in. You read out loud some pages and Draco only sat next to you, listening. It was somehow therapeutic to read in front of him because he didn’t disturb you, he even looked like he was enjoying it.

“So they even have a specific flower for when somebody dies?” he asked out of a sudden. He was really paying attention.

“Yeah, in some countries,” you smiled. “In Italy, France or Belgium – where it’s made the best chocolate – the white chrysanthemum is well known to be brought at somebody’s funeral. But they also represent loyalty and devoted love, so I think it makes it even more beautiful. They’re my favorites,” you smiled.

“A flower that represents the death is your favorite?” he laughed, making you roll your eyes. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ve never seen a chrysanthemum, and that’s something, considering the fact that my mother has a gigantic garden.”

He was often talking about his mother and you deducted that he’s a mummy boy – it was cute to know that he loved his mother dearly.

“I would love to see it,” you smiled politely.

“Maybe you will,” he said and caught you by surprise. “I mean, maybe you’ll see a garden as big as my mother’s,” he clarified when he observed those big eyes of yours.

“Yeah,” you said in a quiet voice, looking back into your book.

“What?” he asked and you didn’t respond him.

You were… sad? Disappointed? It was a strange and groundless feeling given by the idea that you’ll never see the garden of his house, and that also meant that you’ll never meet his mother, who was already painted in your mind like an elegant and kind woman.

“Are you upset?” he asked again and grabbed your jaw carefully, making you form eye contact.

“No,” you said simply, and the honesty in your voice surprised you. It was like all the hard feelings were erased by his eyes, by their calming color.

“Good,” he smiled, “Because you shouldn’t be upset.”

“Why?” you asked.

“I’ll bring you all the flowers from my mother’s garden if you’re not upset,” he traced his fingers up to your cheek, placing a strand of hair behind your red ear – all your emotions ran to your head, making the skin he touched burn.

“Why?” you asked again like a curious kid.

He rolled his eyes in a playful way, trying to pretend he was tired of your whys. “Because a pretty face like yours shouldn’t frown. You’ll get wrinkles,” he laughed and pinched your nose.

“Auch,” you hissed, massaging the end of your nose. “You say I’m pretty?”

“I say it’s time to get you back to your Common Room,” he nodded his head and got up, offering you his hand to help you get up.

The walk to the Ravenclaw’s door was silent, and when you got there it was an even more annoying silence. He only watched you like he was waiting for your next move.

“Uh, I can’t come tomorrow night,” you informed him. “I have to help my roommate study for Transfiguration.”

“So she’s stealing my study buddy,” he joked.

“I’ll see you around, though?”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiled and you just wanted to kiss that little dimple of his.

So you did – you got up to your toes and kissed his cheek. “Good night, Draco,” you smiled and entered the empty room, all your housemates already being off to their dormitories, probably. Your heart was pouting hard, like it was trying to escape the little cage of your ribs, but your soul was feeling warm and sweet, like honey.

The next day you tried to focus in all your classes, you tried to pay attention to your friends but all you could think of was Draco Malfoy, with his blue eyes and sweet dimple. It was a boring night the one you spent in your room, listening and explaining to your roommate simple things about your Transfiguration class, the same ones that Draco found difficult – even that made you think about him. It was a great relief to walk again on the stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, the excitement making your heart jump with joy. It dropped to the bottom of your soul when you didn’t find him there, and it broke when he didn’t come at all.

Maybe you scared him – maybe he didn’t want you to kiss his cheek, maybe he didn’t want you so close to him. Maybe you screwed it up. And you really believed that when he didn’t come two nights in a row, making you to skip dinner on the third night. You didn’t have the power to cry again, but you really wanted to – you nearly managed to get a tear out of you if it wouldn’t be eagle owl which entered your room through the open window.

“What’s up with you, stupid bird?” you asked in anger, making the owl give you a response in the same tonality. “Easy,” you spoke as you took the little parchment from its claw.

‘You didn’t come to dinner, are you sick? If you are, take a good sleep and get better. — D.M'

You crumbled the little letter and thrown it away telling the bird to leave you alone. You walked from left to right, biting your nails out of anxiety and anger – who was he to ignore you three days and then ask to meet you? You grabbed the letter from the floor and read it again, and the curiosity won against your anger. You grabbed a blue sweater and ran to the Astronomy Tower, but walked the steps so he wouldn’t know the speed with which you came. You were furious at him – you couldn’t wait to scream at him and tell him to fuck off with his unhealthy behaviors, but when you saw him leaning on the stone wall in front of you with a bouquet of white flowers in his hand and a small box on the other one, you just froze on the last step.

“Hello, Y/N,” he greeted you with a smile on the corner of his lips. You approached him slowly; your eyes going from his face go his hands and back to his hands. “I see you’re not sick,” he said when you were in front of him. “Why haven’t you come to dinner?”

“Why didn’t you give me a sign of living?” you asked straight, searching for his eyes.

“I was… busy,” he said and cleared his throat. “But I asked my mother to get me those,” he smiled and handed you the bouquet of chrysanthemums and the little box. “Open it,” he asked impatient.

You undone the little bow and opened it with one hand, the other holding carefully the flowers. Your hands were shaking. “Chocolate,” you laughed nervous.

“From Belgium, just like the flowers,” he said proud, smiling. “Don’t you like them?” he asked a little panicked when you didn’t say a thing, only watching the flowers in such an examining way.

“I love them!” you said, “I love them, Draco,” you assured them, holding them to your chest like you were scared he’d get them back.

“Good, I hoped you’d say that.”

You smelt them, and your whole soul was dancing – the sweet smell reminded you of the late autumn’s rains, of the lazy sunrays and all the nice skies in the world.

“I love them Draco, but what’s the occasion?”

He massaged the back of his head, avoiding your eyes. “You don’t need a reason to get flowers, Y/N. You deserve them anytime,” he said and your heart exploded at his cuteness. “My mother told me it’d be nice if I would give them to you before anything else,” he said and bite his lower lip immediately after, like he said something he didn’t mean to.

“Before what, Draco?” you asked curious. He was so good at making you all set on fire, unfocused and yet so, so concentrated on him.

“You’re a nice girl, Y/N, really nice,” he said in a quiet voice. His tonality made you thought about a break-up – like he wanted to break the bond that began to form between you two.

“What are you trying to tell me, Draco?” you asked in a harsh tone. “Just say it, ok? You don’t need to bring me flowers and chocolate if you want to say goodbye, it’s not like I’m dying,” you said pointing to the chrysanthemums.

“No, no, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “The white chrysanthemums represent loyalty and devoted love,” he whispered.

“Oh,” was all you could say. “Oh,” you repeated when you figured out what he really meant.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, and you laughed along with him. The sound of his laugh made your heart put itself back together. “So…” he started and came closer to you.

“So?” you said, biting your lips and blinking slowly.

“So may I kiss you, Y/N?” he asked in such a kind voice, all your body going soft at his words. His mother must’ve taught him how to talk to a girl – and she did such a good job.

You nodded shyly and let yourself carried by his hands, which dragged your body closer to his. He gently pressed his lips on your, letting them stay together for a couple of seconds and then retiring. His blue eyes were looking into yours, burning with desire and impatience. Your hands tightened the flowers and the little box harder, and you put them around his neck, getting him even closer to you and smashing your lips back together. His hands were on your waist, grabbing the material of your sweater between his fingers. Your eyes were closed and your body was filled with warmth – you saw nothing and yet, somehow, you were aware of everything in the Universe through a white light.

 White light in your arms tonight / I lost sight in your arms tonight / It was nice

 The next months were full of love and laughs for you – Draco was the most careful boy you’ve ever been with. He still wanted you two to have secret little dates in the Astronomy Tower, where you’d read to him about Muggles and poetry written by them.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute that I listen to you reading about that non-sense?” he asked once.

“It’s poetry, Draco,” you scoffed, “It’s about love!”

Besides the secret dates, he really wanted to go public. He was the type to show you off in front of everyone, only to make sure that every other boys knew that you were off their league but in a kind way – he’d kiss your forehead on the hallways, walk you to classes even if that meant he’d be late to his and gave you endless gifts. You received a lot of chrysanthemums, love letters and sweets anytime his mother would send him a package. Your roommates were jealous of you even if they told you directly that they didn’t like Draco and there was nothing to do about it. Hermione wasn’t so happy either and somehow distanced herself from you when she found out about your relationship, but Draco made you to forget all those things – he was the bad guy in everyone’s story, and even if some time ago he wasn’t even a side-character in yours, he became the climax of your story. You didn’t love Draco for his gift, you loved him truly – you loved him for the kind words, the warm glares, the sweet kisses and the tight hugs. And you knew he loved you too, because he made you feel safe in the whole madness with the Dark Lord and the war everyone was talking about.

“Do you think there’ll be a war, Draco?” you asked one night when you two where curled up into each other’s arms.

“I don’t know, Y/N,” he said absent.

“I heard that Harry’s forming an army,” you said and looked up to him, only to see him rolling his eyes.

“Potter isn’t capable to tie his own laces, my love, and you think he’s able to lead an army?” he laughed and that made you roll your eyes. “You’re funny.”

“But you’re the only one taking it as a joke, you’re the one who’s laughing,” you said and he frowned.

“Then I think I have to change that,” he said and his fingers came to your ribs, tickling you.

You started to laugh hard, to fight so you could escape his torture, begging him to stop. “Draco, that’s enough!” you screamed as you felt tears in your eyes, so you grabbed his arm and tried to scratch him playfully to make him stop.

Hissing, he let you go and pulled away from you, his hand over the left arm.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you asked worried that you hurt him.

“Nothing,” he said in an annoyed voice, getting up on his feet and looking down to you. “I’m fine,” he said and something in your mind clicked. For more than two weeks he’d say that stupid phrase whenever you asked him what happened – he seemed tired and anxious, but whenever you’d ask about him he’d become fine.

“Don’t try to fool me, Draco,” you said annoyed as well and, already on your feet, you’d try to grab his hand and reveal the possible wound.

“I said I’m fine, Y/N,” he repeated and avoided your hands like they’d burn him.

“And I said to stop fooling me!” you shouted and sneaked close enough to him to get his hand away from his arm, but he pushed you harder than he thought – you fell on the ground, a piece of material in your hand; his sleeve – ripped, revealing red lines, scratches – who were older, but reopened by your nails – which were covering the worst thing you could think of: the Dark Mark. The air left your lungs and your head started to spin, the vision becoming blurred.

“Y/N…” he tried to say, coming closer to you but you crawled away.

“What the fuck, Draco?!” you screamed and got up by yourself. “Stay away!” you said when he tried to approach you.

“I can explain, Y/N,” he said, his voice shaking.

“How on earth you could explain the Dark Mark on your arm?” you shouted again, your hands running in your hair and pulling it.

“Sh,” he said loud, asking you to be quiet. “It’s not what it looks like, my love, I swear.”

You laughed – loud, nervous. “Then what it is?”

“They made me do it, Y/N!”

“They made you get the Dark Mark, become a fucking Death Eater and join Voldemort?” you screamed again and step back when he tried to come closer.

“My father, he… I didn’t want to, Y/N,” he said quietly, his eyes starting to get wet.

“You lied to me, Draco,” you whispered. “You said everything will be fine, you said you’ll protect me!”

“And I will!” he also screamed. “I will,” he repeated breathing heavily.

“How? Making me join the Death Eaters so they wouldn’t kill me later?” you mocked him, and you could say it hurt him to see you that way – but you didn’t care.

“Nobody will kill you, Y/N,” he said, trying to calm you. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”

“A war is coming, Draco,” you said harshly, “The Dark Lord is alive and back and anyone who’s against him is in danger.”

“You’re not in danger, Y/N,” he repeated. “We’re in this together, please, love,” he begged you, tears running down his face.

“We’re not on the same side, Draco,” you whispered.

“I thought you didn’t like to pick sides,” he said like he was trying to make you change your mind.

“We’re talking about a war, Draco, not a fucking fight in the courtyard,” you said and shook your head. “Just… leave me alone, please,” you asked him and started to walk away.

“Y/N, please!” he grabbed your wrist but you pulled away immediately.

“Don’t touch me ever again, Draco Malfoy,” you said in hatred, giving him a disgusted look before leaving him alone in the Astronomy Tower – alone, hurt and crying. He saw the disgust in your eyes, the hate and the fear.

Hard times came for you – you decided to act like nothing was happening, like you had no idea what Draco was and a part of you felt miserable for doing so, but other part was believing him, the other part was still loving him and it was hurting to see him and not run in his arms. You decided to let the time pass and decide what would happen with everything – but the time was cruel, because nothing good happened since that night. Dumbledore’s death, the Death Eaters, the continuing agony. You became scared to stay alone, thinking that a Death Eater or even Voldemort would show up and kill you – and Draco wouldn’t be there to protect you.

But when the real battle began, you felt all the adrenaline rushing through your body – Professor McGonagall seemed worried but she gave you the power to fight back, to fight for Hogwarts, for your friends, for Harry, for life. You never tried to spell hexes because it wasn’t necessary, but in the battles you had with some Death Eaters you remembered them all – and you casted them loud, pointing your wand in their direction with hatred. You were running on the same old stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, a loud and crazy laugh following you along with a curly hair and dark, mad eyes, thirsty for blood.

“Stop running, little doll!” she screamed when you got up, waiting for her with your wand ready, something that made her laugh. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” she asked and walked closer to you with tangled steps.

“Crazy one, aren’t you?” you managed to gather your nerve to ask her. She didn’t seem too happy with your comment, because she lifted her wand – before she’d say anything, you screamed the Disarming Charm as loud as you could, making her wand fly from her hand and fall to the ground.

“Well, well,” she laughed, running her tongue over her bloody lips. “You won, now kill me!” she laughed, the sound driving you crazy.

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

“Kill me!”

“Crucio!” you screamed and the green light flashed from the tip of your wand, hitting Bellatrix Lestrange in the middle of her chest. She fell to the ground, laughing – it was hurting, but Bellatrix have been insane for a long, long time.

“Y/N!”

“Draco?” you said to yourself, watching the boy you loved running to you. He grabbed your shoulders, looking at you from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you alright? Did she hurt you?”

You looked at Bellatrix who was still to the ground, and you tighten your fingers around the wand.

“No,” you said and looked back to Draco. He seemed fine and a part of you wanted to scream that he was fine because he was one of them, they wouldn’t hurt him like that crazy woman tried to do to you, but the other part won that battle. You hugged him tight, wanting to make all the things disappear and be just you and him. “I’m scared, Draco,” you whispered.

“You’ll be fine, love,” he said and kissed your temple.

“So she’s the little doll that got you all soft, Draco?”

The fear ran through your body again and you pulled away from Draco, still holding his hands.

“Please,” he said and looked at the crazy woman who got her wand back. He let go of your hand and grabbed his wand, pointing it to her.

“Aw, Draco darling,” she laughed, “Does Cissy know that you’re pointing your want to your family?”Family?

“Aunt Bella, please, don’t hurt her,” Draco breathed heavily, not taking his eyes off of her.

“But she hurt me, Draco,” Bellatrix laughed, got her wand in your direction and casted an unspoken spell, only saying your name.

Draco tried to protect you, getting in front of you, but the purple light went through him and entered your body. The pain was indescribable, like all your internal organs were stabbed with hundred of knives. “No!” he screamed at his aunt, who only laughed louder and waved him goodbye before disappearing into a black cloud of smoke.

You’d feel your members go numb, dropping your wand and falling to the ground, making Draco to scream again like he could physically feel your agony. “Y/N!” he screamed.

Some balls of light were thrown in the tower’s direction, by the people outside, and they made the windows in the roof break, falling upon you along with pieces of tiles. Your sight went blurry, seeing Draco through red spots. “What’s happening, Draco?” you managed to ask him.

“You’re fine, my love,” he cried, tightening your shoulders, trying to hug you without hurting you.

“I can’t see you, hear you,” you cried and coughed; he started to sob even harder, watching the blood drop from your eyes and mouth as you tried to breathe. “I don’t feel very good,” you told him as it weren’t obvious.

“You’ll be alright, my love, stay with me,” he begged you.

His tears were falling on your face, mixing with the blood that was leaving your body – Bellatrix Lestrange chose a curse that gave you a slow and painful death.

“Hey, you,” you said, trying to make him pay attention to you. You looked him in the eyes, trying hard to see them clear. “Don’t you think it’s kinda cute?”

“What?” he whispered.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute,” you repeated, “That I died right inside your arms tonight?”

“No! No! No!” he said, his voice shaking. “Don’t you dare to do this to me, Y/N! Do you hear me? Stay with me!”

But you were gone – you left that world with a little smile on your lips, with bloody tears on your face and with the memory of his eyes watching you, of his arms holding you. And that made death a less painful thing for you.

 That I'm fine even after I have died / Because it was in your arms I died

 “No, Y/N!” he screamed, realizing you were gone. “Come back! Come back, Y/N, you own me one!”

“I’m sorry, Draco,” you whispered while watching him from behind – you could also see your lifeless body, laying on the ground with glass pieces, rocks and blood all over it and it made  you cry. You floated over your body and tried the stupidest thing you could think of: going back inside. But it was impossible – it felt like it was locked. Bloody tears were falling from your eyes, and you damned Bellatrix Lestrange for giving you such an ugly death: you’ll cry blood for eternity on the Hogwarts’ halls as a ghost. “I want to come back, Draco!” you screamed at the same time when he asked you to come back.

 I cry in the afterlife / I cry hard because I have died / And you're alive / I try to escape the afterlife / I try hard to get back inside / Your arms tonight

 The battle was over: Lord Voldemort was now dead, Bellatrix Lestrange was dead along with other Death Eaters, but so were a lot of innocent people: now, some students would stay forever in the castle because they chose to remain behind; they, just like you, were too scared of death and chose an imitation of life. As a ghost, you didn’t really felt like showing to everyone; it hurt you enough to know they missed you, and to see their broken souls when they’d realize you’re trapped in this world as a ghost would be more painful than your death. You knew nothing about Draco for a long time – you stayed in the tower all the time, and you already knew that after some years, when the school would be rebuilt, the little kids would call you the ghost of the Astronomy Tower – that thought made you smile; maybe they’d call you Bloody Y/N, or Bloody Crybaby Y/N, or… whatever name would fit a blood-crying ghost. That’s how you spent many months – thinking, crying, whishing you’d have chose the death.

A loud cry woke you up one day – you looked over to the balustrade, where a tall figure was shaking while looking down, down all the way to the ground. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said and you recognized him easily. “I’m so fucking sorry, my love,” he cried again and you approached him. On the ground, at his feet, was a bouquet of white chrysanthemums – they made your eyes tear up immediately.

“I promised you I’d protect you and I failed,” he whispered. “I hate myself since that day, my love,” he confessed.

To let him know about your presence was a bad idea – he’d be devastated to see you that way.

“I’ll see you soon, love,” he spoke to himself, or so he thought because he jumped in surprise when you screamed.

“Wait!”

“Y/N…” he cried, now facing you and crying harder. “You’re… alive?”

“Draco…” you sighed, “What are you doing here?”

He came closer and tried to hug you, but his arms went through you with ease. “You’re… a ghost.”

“Please don’t jump,” you said crying harder than him. It was a horrible image, indeed, to see a blood-crying ghost – but he was in love with you.

“I miss you, Y/N, I want to be with you,” he told you like he asked for permission.

But you shook your head in disapproval. “You won’t like it here, darling,” you smiled. “Please, stay – be happy and live.”

“I love you, Y/N, how could I live without you?” he cried like a little child, helpless.

You pointed to the flowers. “If your love is devoted, you’d spend the rest of your life fulfilling my wish, Draco.”

“Y/N…”

“Stay alive, Draco. I’ll be here, always,” you promised and cried.

He ran his hands through his hair, his blue eyes crying you a river. When he calmed down, he bent over and grabbed the flowers, handing them to you. You cried in pain, but still tried to get them – and you where surprised when you could.

“Come back to me, Y/N,” he said and you tried your best to make his wish come true. You tried to hug him, to kiss his forehead – he could swear he felt your cold skin on his.

“I wish I could, my love,” you said and stayed in front of him, with the sign of his devoted love in your hand.

 And hey (hey), you (you), don't you think it's kinda cute / That I (I) try (try) to escape the afterlife / That I (I) try (try) to get back in your arms alive / That I died in your arms

#vogueweasley3k #draco malfoy x reader #ravenclaw reader #draco x y/n #slowburn #angst #arms tonite #draco x you #hogwarts #astronomy tower #tw death #tw blood #tw mature languge

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think. Current Chapter: This one is loooong. Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. In this chapter we have our couple coming closer together - talking about some issues they've both had in their lives. Also this is the chapter where you'll get to know one of my favourite Namjoon songs and like why the OC is named what she's named. Also just a reminder because im a bit paranoid - Rim Jhim (referred to as Rim) is our OC Brishti. Its a pet name that's introduced in this chapter. And Namjoon being the wordsmith that he is makes it shorter, with the korean meaning of the word.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish Chapter 1

Chapter 2

And so it went for the next few days, the two of them quietly discovering each other. They were finding out the normal, casual, small things - how he didn’t like mint chocolate, how she loved bitter black coffee. Since both of them worked, they decided to split the chores at home. It worked out great because Namjoon liked to sweep & Brishti loved to do the dishes. They both struggled to cook but they decided to learn how to cook each other’s cuisines. So she was learning how to make kimchi (the green onion one) & he was learning how to prepare daal (the yellow one). They split the rent & decided to create a separate bank account for their savings. Talking about money increased warmth because they discovered that neither valued it excessively.

Slowly, they began talking about things a little more intimate. Meanings of names were revealed. She was impressed that his name meant genius. And he loved that hers meant rain. Pet names were introduced. He called her Rim - an even shorter version of her daak naam Rim Jhim. He told her to call him Joon. She looked away, smiling, then - silently telling him they’re not there yet. What he didn’t tell her was that he was already making up a fairytale about Joon, the genius & Rim, the brilliant jade that makes him so.

They spoke about books the most. Between them, they had half the globe's literature covered. She had read Indian authors & Russian & Spanish ones. He loved Korean authors, Japanese literature & all the Greek Classics. He geeked out about philosophy & poetry while she nerded over nature writing & music. They spoke about how they might take a look at other European writers & musicians together. To that end, Namjoon brought home a book of love poems by Rilke.

He hadn’t told her that he wrote poetry too. He hadn’t mentioned anything because it seemed like an indulgence of the past, poetry. But that night everything changed. After a late dinner, Brishti had asked to read aloud from the book he’d brought. As she read ‘To Music’, Namjoon saw tears float in her eyes. Secretly, something inside him had wept too. And just like that, he knew he would begin writing soon.

Each week the two watched late shows of classic hollywood musicals in a nearby theatre because they’d decided against a tv in their home - opting, instead, for a record player. Meeting for a movie each of the two Fridays they’d spent together so far was an experience both looked forward to - not only for the movie. In the darkness of the movie theatre, they experienced the first glimpses of intimacy. Soft smiles, whispering, silent glances, hands caressing each other. He loved how she laughed with abandon. She loved that he would tear up during the emotional scenes.

Her smile was getting wider, warmer toward him, Namjoon noted everyday. He’d been sleeping separately since their wedding night because he wanted her to feel safe. He was mostly okay with that except if he thought about it… If he thought about a time when he would get to touch her - Namjoon almost felt dizzy with feelings.

This happened the most when he saw her read by the window, he ached to touch her. That was her - Brishti - that was who she was at her core. Reading, running her fingers through her short hair, staring out the window, thinking, looking at clouds & then going back to reading. She was still quiet, but less so. She spoke about the rain and the trees and when she was happiest, he learned, when she really trusted that no one was going to judge her, she spoke about the moon. It had happened twice in the last few days.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. As though that needed reasoning, he thought about it at the office too. It wasn’t the only answer he could come up with but Namjoon had never seen a body like hers. She didn’t seem brittle or delicate, the way most women looked - or were “supposed to look”. She didn’t care what a body is supposed to look like, at least, it seemed that way to him. Brishti’s curves were not subtle. She was short and while almost everyone was shorter than him, Brishti was just… sexily so. She’d do these things… seemingly normal, everyday things but they would quickly, embarrassingly, inspire an arousal in him. Like, that thing she did, when she stretched after waking up or even if she stretched her arms or her neck… for some reason that turned him on so much, he’d have to hide… or excuse himself. His breath hitched, everytime he thought about how he hadn’t still actually seen her body.

Brishti, too, enjoyed looking at him from afar. Sharing, creating a living space with a man was never something she thought she would enjoy. They had exchanged the basic stories of how they had reached each other.

Namjoon had said, “I’d met a couple of women… girls… but they just seemed either plastic or porcelain… you know? I mean, not all of them could have been that but that's how they… presented themselves? You… I saw your photos in a pile that the matchmaker labelled ‘rubbish’”

“What?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry but it’s actually a compliment to be labelled ‘bad’ by a matchmaker. That’s why I was looking in that pile in the first place… when I heard you wanted to keep working… Honestly I was so relieved...”

She smiled, “At least you got a look at me… I didn’t even know what you looked like till we met. I had no choice at all. A boy had agreed to marry me - despite… me… so that was the end of it. That was the bargain with my brother… otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to work either.”

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Rim. That’s really… really unfair.”

“Hmm yeah… I just figured if I can keep earning & the man turns out to be wrong, at least I can leave.”

“That’s… thanks for not leaving...”

Brishti smiled, “I got lucky...”

Namjoon understood, then, that Brishti might be an introvert but that did not mean she was shy. She made him blush & laugh. She made him speak without inhibition. The more time he spent with her, his feelings poured out.

“Thanks… It’s been really nice to share this home with you. Just to have you to talk to… My life was not going that great...” he said.

Brishti nodded, even though she already knew this. Whatever he said, strangely, she could see a deeper melancholy behind it. They spoke about being strangers in a strange country. She told him how she had to fight at the library for Tagore to be considered classic literature. How she was slowly but surely, being accepted in the oddball group that ran the library. She was not the only non-english person there, so things were easier for her. Besides, true readers had always been more accepting of the different.

Something made her regret sharing her happiness about this because his struggle in this foreign land was far more intense… she could sense pain behind the words he used. Namjoon did not enjoy his job the way she did. He worked overtime most days and came home bone-tired. Kim Namjoon was in many ratraces at the same time - races Brishti felt he didn’t want to participate at all. Being a lawyer, being an asian - the ‘model minority’, being a slightly well-off Korean in a sea of white men, in a sea of less fortunate asians who were being treated much worse than him. Trying to create a name, an identity of his own was wearing him out... chipping away at his soul.

Brishti sometimes saw him and saw a great banyan cutting itself down, trying to be a shrub just to fit in. When she asked him how his day was, he always smiled. It was real, the smile and yet it couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. Something that was beginning to bother Brishti more and more, these days. He... had begun to matter more and more these days.

Now, about two weeks into their marriage, she was experiencing butterflies about the smallest things; Things like watching him sleep on the fold out, bringing him coffee in the morning. She felt a pull deep inside her take over when he would come out of the shower in the bathrobe, skin glistening from the shower & musky man-scents launching her body in a fantastical arousal & her mind in overdrive. Somedays, Brishti even went for a shower after he’d been, just so she could soak in his essence & bathe in a trance she had never felt before.

On their third weekend together, Namjoon didn’t have to go to work the whole weekend. He’d spoken to his superior at the firm to let him have weekends free - after all, he was married now. Post lunch that Saturday, Brishti and he kept unpacking, organising while talking (well, later on, it was just coffee & talking) into the early hours of Sunday. They spoke about things they loved, people they had loved. About fictional crushes and real ones. Both of them spoke about their past relationships. Something Brishti was delighted about - especially since Namjoon told her he was not the type to hold someone’s past against them.

Brishti couldn’t believe it when Namjoon had correctly guessed, “It was the photographer, right?”

“What-?! How- Where- How did you…?” Brishti couldn’t even form a question.

“Your photos, at the matchmakers… something was different. All the other pictures women give out for arranged matches seem... fake. Yours were… real… private. You looked comfortable… looked like you were being teased...” What he didn’t say was how much it seemed in those pictures like she was with someone she truly liked… maybe even loved.

Sat on the ground opposite Namjoon, Brishti kept her gaze on him. It unnerved Namjoon that she could really see him. She unnerved him further when she said, “You should say what you aren’t saying… or… asking?”

“Did you love him?”

“Not really… it was just... a different kind of friendship… ended almost as soon as it began. But I- I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the kind of love-” she trailed off. She looked away, smiling but trying to hide it. The same way she had in the photograph.

He pressed further just to tease her “Kind of love...?” Namjoon was intrigued because she was blushing now & he wanted to plant a thousand pecks on her. Instead he said, “So you can just… stop what you were saying? Mmm. Okay. I see.”

She looked at him then, “I’m feeling… a lot… of… different things these days. Especially because of a couple of dimples...”

Just like that, she turned the tables & his dimples appeared. He blushed, “Yeah… same. I mean… you don’t have dimples but I’ve-”

She nodded to let him know she understood. And then asked, “Uhm... Have you… had sex?”

Namjoon bit his lip, “Yeah… yes. I... had a girlfriend in law school. It… uh… wasn’t serious… for her.”

Brishti looked away nodding, as if stopping herself from saying something.

He looked at her… knowing what she probably wanted to say. He wanted to hug her but he only said, “It doesn’t matter, does it? For me it doesn’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex too… I know how people can be about virginity… I- honestly… it's just another way to control people.”

She looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She took a minute to compose herself & then said, “I’ve never met a man like you… and it's a little confusing and annoying… Not that you are annoying… not at all. It’s just the world is annoying because this is how low the standard is for a man. A man accepting that the woman has a past makes him… forward…? But of course the woman has to… because, well, he’s a man and he has needs. We’re all told that… Shirley... who works with me… she knows it too. Women just aren’t supposed to talk about their pasts. All women.”

She paused & got flustered further because of how dedicatedly Namjoon had been listening. It really seemed as if he was taking notes. The serious expression on his face, it made Brishti's ears feel hot. Almost as a distraction, she went on -

“It's crazy but that seems to be the only thing THE WHOLE WORLD has agreed on - they can’t agree on one way to make bread but they all agreed that women are inferior. It’s such a basic thing to just let me work… because I want to… but it's annoying that it makes me feel lucky. My best friend had to go through hell because she thought she could trust her husband with the truth about her past… so it makes me feel lucky that… you won’t…”

Namjoon could see the pain in her words. Maybe that’s how she could always sense the pain in his words, he thought.

After a calming silence passed over them, he spoke - “I won’t. I don’t really know what it’s like for a woman. And… maybe you won’t like to hear this, but… I was the same, Rim... I was the man my society had trained me to be. Everything changed when I came here. When, for the first time in my life, I understood what it’s like to be treated inferior. Since then, I just… I cannot be the cause of a feeling like that within anyone... So… you’re right. I’m not doing anything everyone shouldn’t already do. All of this should be normal. Expected. Hopefully the world learns a bit faster…”

Brishti smiled at Namjoon. She chuckled when tears pooled up in her eyes. He instinctively reached out for her & placed a hand on her leg, just below her knee. A jolt went through Brishti and she looked surprised. He did too. Namjoon retracted his hand immediately & looked away, blushing. That’s when Brishti laughed out loud. She stood up. And asked him to stand up, silently.

He did. It always made Brishti’s heart flutter just how gorgeous and tall he was. Someday, she would tell him. Someday, she would show him. For now, she couldn’t help feeling bashful as she asked, “Can I get a hug, Joon?”

This was the first time she’d used the pet name that he’d asked her to call him by. This was what his family called him. And her using this name assured Namjoon of just that - she was becoming family. Her question had made his heart flip. He moved without really thinking, because this is what his body had wanted since the day he saw her. He pulled her up in his arms. He felt like he was melting. She was soft. Warm. Beautiful. And in his arms.

Brishti gasped a little when Namjoon had scooped her up in his arms. She was on her toes, literally & figuratively. She held onto him, less as a hug & more as support… at first. Then, she felt his arms… the strong arms that she had been ogling at, around her. It was as if a knot came undone, within her, suddenly. And in its place, the softest silk suddenly flowed through her body.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. The same essence that she’d been soaking in after he had showered, that she had been breathing in whenever he would pass by or reach past her. The essence that she had now become so hungry for that she had been secretly sleeping with the shirt he’d worn from the laundry basket. That essence was now all over her. Her chin turned up, resting on his shoulders, her cheeks touching his, her hands - on their own - reached the nape of his neck and began to play with his hair.

When she did that, Namjoon held her tighter, pressed her on to him. He felt her body react to his. One hand reaching her shoulder around her back, he moved the other closer to her waist, so his hands could fold over her curves. He could feel her breath hitch when he did that.

Brishti was revelling in the feeling of his hands, his fingers, feeling his fingertips press into her - that was a feeling she could never have imagined making her so... so... drunk. She was drunk. She ran her hands up and down his vast back, all the way up to his hair. All of a sudden she could feel herself overcome with emotion. Tears began pooling in her eyes again. And she said, before it was too late, she said, “Thank you, Joon, for everything… thank you.”

When he heard the tremble in her voice, Namjoon pulled away, just so he could see her. Brishti quickly retracted too - to wipe off her tears, trying to laugh off the silliness, apologising. Namjoon replied, “It’s okay… I understand… I… Thank you, Rim. I hope you… you know what I mean...” What he wanted to say, what he hoped she understood was that she was what was helping him come alive. But being unable to, Namjoon knew someday he would. Someday soon.

Brishti nodded to say she understood. Namjoon tried to lighten the atmosphere, saying, “You’re not… just anyone, you know? So… maybe you should tell me something I could do which is… not just basic decency, but something that can be considered truly feminist, you know. I’d love to do that for you.”

Brishti smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt tired & almost of its own accord, her body stretched into a yawn. She said, “I’ll think of something. We- I should go now… Do you want- anything?...” Brishti was delighted about how drunk she had gotten from one hug. It was exciting that she knew she’d be sleeping with the sweater he had tossed in the laundry basket tonight. She decided to take a bit more time to enjoy being intoxicated without a substance, together and alone.

Later that night, as Namjoon laid on his fold out sofa, alone, he thought of how great it had felt to have Brishti in his arms. To have someone who wanted to know about his day. To feel her heartbeat, like raindrops, knocking on his chest like it was a window pane, almost as if asking to be let in…

Thoughts like these, they made Namjoon reach for the notepad & pen that he always kept close by. He wrote. He wrote of being world weary and suddenly having a friend. Suddenly feeling like the world wasn't rushing him, that he didn’t need to run, that he could take time, be slow, be a poet. His heart tugged at his pen as it wrote lines about what it felt like to have someone cry for him. To have someone be full of feelings for him, to have someone to embrace his weary body. He wrote about how he missed that embrace and yet it was okay… as long as she was still here, maybe not just next to him, yet. Maybe someday. It was okay because she asked how he was every day and Brishti was here, forever. Namjoon felt tears run down his own face, as he titled the first poem he’d written in almost five years - Forever Rain.

---------------------------------------------------

Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

#bts kim namjoon #fanfic #namjoon fluff #namjoon arranged marriage #namjoon x oc #arranged marriage #slow burn #slow burn fic #fluff fic #bts fanfic #bts #indian oc #red thread fics #forever rain #brishti

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration 🦊

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

#i dont fucking know how to tumblr y'all #there ya go #slasher #slashers #slasher fluff #slasher headcanons #rz michael myers #michael myers #freddy krüger #freddy krueger #bubba sawyer #the texas chainsaw massacre #tcm #thomas hewitt #leatherface #tcm 2006 #tcm 2003 #tcm 1974 #brahms heelshire #brahms the boy #the boy #Halloween #vincent sinclair #bo sinclair #house of wax #house of wax 2005

[quirkdotcom]

Sing me a Song? || Jirou Kyoka x Reader

Summary: Quarantine has been making you feel not only lonely but bored. Your roommate, Jirou, and long time crush decides to help you get out of the funk by showing you her talent of singing

Author’s Note: This is my part for Sofia’s server collab! The idea was to write some fluff since we all are alone at home, which can be and has been hard for many people! I wanted to write for a character I don’t normally write for, and one who’s a little underrated, so here’s my first Jirou piece! I really hope you guys enjoy it! Also thank you to my friend in the server for the cute nickname that the reader uses for Jirou ( You know who you are, and no...I did not use “Earlobes”)

Sunlight was the first thing you woke up to, which was a little upsetting given that normally your alarm woke you up while it was still dark. 

Clumsily, you bolted up and out of bed, moving to your dresser and hastily pulling out a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt, tossing them onto your bed. 

"Ugh, I'm going to be so late for-"

"Class? The class that got canceled?" From behind you, came the voice of your roommate, and currently, the girl you've had a crush on since you met her in high school. 

Jirou was still in an oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair a little messy, but regardless of how she looked, your cheeks grew warm, both in how you were falling hopelessly for her and for embarrassment as you had forgotten about quarantine.

"Uh. Yeah. That class!" You gave a sheepish smile, and let out a small breath of relief, “I always complain that this quarantine feels like it has been going on for ages, and yet I keep forgetting about my canceled classes,” 

Jirou gives you a small smile, “Cmon, I made some breakfast, it should be at least a little warm by now.”

You nodded and followed suit.  The day went by quietly, as most of the other days this week had. Jirou worked at the local grocery store and was considered essential. Which would leave you alone. 

So what to do with your day? By now it was two PM and despite the amount of homework growing, and the laundry pile sitting by the legs of your desk, you didn't move from your position on the couch. 

Instead, you leaned over to the end table to your right and pulled the Nintendo switch from its charging port, hitting the power button and then pressing A three times so that it loaded up Animal Crossing.

Your little villager was so cute, and they sure did a good job of being the representative, you were two stars away from seeing K.K Slider, but you still need to keep up on the daily maintenance, this was serious stuff after all.

As you began to pick up weeds and sticks, talk to your islanders, and sell random items for bells, soon a few hours had passed,  you only really noticed because, in the game, the sun was setting on your island, bathing it in yellows, oranges, and pinks, a sight you missed going out to see in person. 

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you set the switch back in its charger, knowing full and well you would probably pick it back up later tonight. 

You moved into the kitchen, pulling out a cup and grabbing the container of water from the fridge, pouring it into the glass, drinking about half of it, and pouring some more. 

Taking it into the little living room area of your apartment, you sat on the couch, thinking to yourself, trying to figure out what to do besides just play Animal Crossing or sleep. Maybe you could try drawing or- 

Before you could finish that train of thought, the door swung open, and through it stepped Jirou, who had headphones on, and was singing along to whatever music she had playing. 

She didn’t seem to notice you staring, as she shut the door, singing a little louder. And while it was something you sort of expected from a music major, you never quite thought that she would be *this* amazing at singing. 

Her voice was perfect, it was smooth, soft and you could feel the emotion just pouring from her words, and was that a love song? You felt like an anime character when their hair fluffed up and cheeks heating up with a blush, god you were falling so hard for her. 

Although, by now she had noticed your staring and stopped, pulling out an earbud, “(Y/n)! I figured you’d be in your room! Ah im sorry, was I being loud?” She kicked her shoes off, setting her bag down, a faint blush spreading across her own cheeks as she realized she had been overheard. 

“No! Uh actually...I was thinking about..uhm.. You’re really good! Really great!” You scrambled to your feet, embarrassed to have been caught staring. 

It was quiet for a moment or two, both you and her processing. 

Jirou was the first to break the silence, “You think my singing is great?”

You nodded eagerly, “Yes! I can’t believe you don’t sing more! You’re really amazing,” You grinned, making this the first full smile Jirou had seen from you since quarantine had started. 

You pulled your phone from your pocket, a cute nickname mixed with a pun crossing your mind, “In fact…..” you quickly typed in the name and showed it to her proudly. 

“Decibelle…” she paused then laughed, “Oh! I get it...like a decibel...but belle…” 

She moved to the couch and sat down, stretching a little, “Well..maybe I can sing for you more? Only if you want! But...this is the first time that you’ve really smiled in a few months…”

You paused, thinking it over. In all honesty, she was right. Lately, it’s been hard for you to really want to do anything, especially any of your homework. You hummed lightly for a moment, holding up a finger and walking to your room, grabbing your Bluetooth speaker, and walking back out.

“I’ve got an idea...while I’m not much of a singer, I know that some in-home karaoke might be fun?”

With that, you pressed the power button, waiting for the little sound that meant it was connected and hit play on your favorite playlist.

Soon enough, you both were singing along, nodding your heads to the beat in unison. For the moment, nothing else mattered. All you needed was this music, and Jirou’s voice mixing with yours. 

You almost didn’t notice her standing up, the light above her head creating a cute halo as she outstretched her hand and lifted you off the couch with her, letting Jirou lead a dance, it was fast-paced and enlightening, behind you two, through the window, the sun was setting. 

When the song changed to a slower one, you found yourself wrapping your arms around her neck, hers around your waist, both faces flushed and warm, hearts beating quickly, though you couldn’t tell if it was from the dancing, or from how close you were to her.

And you weren’t really sure how it happened, but the next thing you knew, she was kissing you, and you were kissing her. The world must have stopped because when you pulled away, the song had changed and the sun had fully set, leaving the night sky to witness what had happened.

Neither of you two said anything at first, as once again, you were processing everything.

This time, you were the first to speak, and you said, all while smiling stupidly, “Hey..would you sing me a song?”

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #my hero academia jirou #mha jirou #jirou kyoka x reader #mha #bnha #mha x reader #server collab

[uwuch9n]

hey person !! today i'll be writing some 2AM sugawara fluff because i'm bored and not tired :D hope u enjoy reading !

characters: sugawara & nb y/n (self insert or oc)

warnings or possible triggers: hands are touched, making out, neck being grabbed (not aggressively!!,) suga and y/n both tear up, goosebumps, a confession, & hugging ! please do not continue reading if any of these things could trigger any unwanted reactions ! maybe the next time i write some fluff or sfw fanfics you’ll be able to read ‘em !

picnic date after practice.

you watch sugawara, asahi, and daichi all laughing and messing around after practice, while kageyama and hinata do their gay little thing. you've been watching them play for the longest time, cheering them on in the crowd, and now that you're in the official karasuno volleyball team, you can't even believe how pretty sugawara actually is up close. or how good they cooperate in the team, that too. sugawara caught your attention the most though, and you knew exactly what it was. his beautiful smile and his soothing voice. though he's never actually talked to you as anything more than a teammate, you felt as though he was just.. special.

of all the boys in the volleyball team, or even in the entirety of karasuno, sugawara was the one you really would like to know the most.

that's when you finally snap out of your little fantasy world and realize that THE sugawara is walking up to you with the biggest smile. you start to tense up, obviously. you've been crushing on him since when..? ever since you saw him? yeah.

"hey there y/n ! i got a question for you, if you don't mind taking a few minutes to talk!" he says enthusiastically. woah. sugawara knows your name and wants to talk to you. SUGAWARA. WANTS. TO. TALK. TO. YOU. and he knows your name.

"wh- yeah sure i've got all day! what's up?" you say acting like this was totally cool with you and you totally weren't just thinking about him. his smile doesn't leave his face, in fact it only grows bigger. he seemed glad that you were free all day. you just didn't know why he was so happy about it.

"awesome ! well i was trying to reach you yesterday but i guess you aren't the type to pick up random numbers are you," he giggled, "i should've messaged you instead... but anyway! i wanted to talk to you about your blocking.. it's really impressive. and i just wanted to say that for a new addition to our team, you really are very skilled. and im so proud of you for that y/n! but im getting off track here aren't i.." he rambled on and on about how impressed he was by you and how he wanted to get to know you better. you sat there flustered and shocked, but still willing to listen to every compliment he threw at you.

his rambling continued and you are able to understand all of it, but then you hear him ask you... a very WATTPAD-ESQUE question.

"i was wondering if maybe you wanted to go on a little picnic date with me so that we could talk about the team.. or if you'd like, talk about each other! whatever you want, i'll make sure to make it happen and-" you cut him off. "MHM! let's totally do it!! i'm so down !! SO PUMPED !! woohOOO! i would love that !!" you blabber out excitedly.

"awe great! when would you like to go? like in a few minutes?? maybe tomorrow? i mean we could go get dressed at home and then bring all the supplies and stuff and meet up at a park if you're fine with it! i'll send you the address of my favorite park.. here lemme just..."he proposed while reaching for his phone. you nod in agreement and both of you exchange numbers, giving each other nicknames in the contact list.

fast forward; you two are already at the park, setting up the picnic spot. (i know im lazy im sorryy)

"alright doll, would you mind bringing over the food basket i set up for us? it's right- yeah right there!" he giggled as you quickly pointed at where it was while he was mid-sentence. he brushed off any unnecessary leaves and dirt on the picnic blanket, and sat down, moving around the food items and snacks to make the setup look cuter and more enjoyable. you finally finish bringing over all the snacks you brought from home and set them down, organizing them alongside suga.

"is that a separate bowl of konpeitō??!" you ask shocked. it was your personal favorite candy and you were curious to know how HE knew that. "yeah it is! i love konpeitō a lot so i brought some for us to share, it's my favorite candy." he replied while scratching his head. "no way! it's my favorite candy too! that's cool!!" you say very hyped. you both giggle and talk about how you two were feeling. things like "how was your week?" and "did you enjoy practice?" were probably the first few questions of the bunch.

of course, the conversation didn't stay dry, and you two talk about lots of things, ranging from why your favorite song was actually a meme song to why sugawara doesn't like to share his snacks with daichi because he eats them all.

you both enjoyed the delicious konpeitō, nommed on some homemade suga-sandwiches, and sipped on fruit punch flavored juice happily while talking about how cute the ducks at the park were.

then sugawara's curiosity kicked in.

"hey doll, i think you already know what i saved you as in my phone, but i never found out what you saved me as.. is it alright if you tell me?" he asked suddenly. he was itching to know what you decided to call him. this was very important to sugawara and you could tell, so you quickly followed up. "i got you saved as suga-bear with a white heart next to it!" you said, smiling gently. he blushed a bit from how calm you said it. your smile made his mind go blank.

"that's.. adorable y/n.. that's so cute..." he lets out after finally finding out how to breathe again. you look away, clearly blushing because of how cute he looked while saying that. he finally mustered up the courage to caress your soft tender hand, squeezing it, not too tightly, and then slowly redirecting his hand to your warm, rosy cheek.

"y/n, honestly.. if i didn't ask you on this date would i have even known how incredibly cute you actually were?" he said as he looked deeply into your eyes, getting lost in them by each passing second. your thoughts raced as his warm hand rested against your left cheek and the wind slowly hit your back. you could hear your heart beating much faster than before. it was a very tense yet relaxing moment.

before you could even respond to his rhetorical question, he leaned in and slowly kissed your lips, his tongue accidentally slipping in. neither of you regretted it though. you kissed back; and for a short moment, your mind went blank. you could feel both his hands moving towards your neck and shoulders. he grabbed your neck gently and only fell into a deeper kiss than when his lips first met yours. his fingers wrapped around your neck and even just the feeling of it gave you goosebumps.

"i don't know if it's too soon to even say this but it's just... it feels right to." he says as he pulled away from the kiss. "doll..." he sighed. "i love you.. and im not holding back from saying that because i know that if we spend even just one more minute together i'll already want to give you the world and all of the universes on a silver platter." he confessed.

you couldn't even believe what was happening. i mean, the kiss alone was enough to make you pass out and yet here you were listening to your crush of 3 years confess his love to you at a cute picnic date.

"i... i love you a lot. im not just saying that because we're here on a little picnic date and i'm not saying it with hopes to make you feel better or give you false hope. i truly feel like you just.. make me feel even more comfortable being myself. even if it was just a short picnic date, even if we played together once or twice during practice, even if this is our first time actually having a full-on conversation. i really do love you... so so much.." you could see a tear rolling down his cheek as he mouthed "thank you" and kissed your cheek.

he went in for a hug and moved his hands and arms up and down against your back. he laughed off his tears while still rubbing your back, and pulled away to wipe his tears. you could tell he wasn't joking about it and that made you get a little emotional too. he grabbed your face and kissed your forehead, then your nose, and lastly, a small peck on the lips.

"suga... i didn't know you felt the same way i did.." you said, reassuring him that you loved him just as much. he laughed through his tears and then sniffed. you could see how he was quickly getting much more comfortable with you.

"i always have... it's just now i'm able to actually tell you about it.. yknow?" he laughed. he intertwined his fingers with yours and tightly held your hands, putting them both close to his face and gently planting kisses on them. both of you looked into each other's eyes and leaned in for a final kiss while the sun was setting.

from the second you saw him, to the moment you two kissed, you knew suga was the one.

that’s all ! i hope you enjoyed this self insert x suga fluff fanfic ! i can't even tell if this one's good or not, but that's because i wrote this at like 2AM and i'm just posting it now because of the lil mistakes lmao. i dont rlly expect this to do any good, just a random fluff i wrote :,)

#hq fluff #fluff #haikyuu fluff #fluff fanfic #sfw fanfic #sugawara x y/n #hq sugawara #haikyuu sugawara #sugawara koushi #koushihaikyuu #koushi sugawara x reader #sugawara fluff #koushi fluff #sfw writing #sfw #writing #fanfic

[between-two-fandoms]

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy  let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas​. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to  party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so,  and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been.  Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

#trevor wilson #raybse #ray/rose/bobby #ray molina #rose molina #fanfiction #headcanons #whump #angst #18+ jatp discord #we do be whumping today #sev and i are clowns and had too much freetime today #i hope you all liked this slice of whump #bobby whump #ren write's #sev's writing #this is so chaotic #i love it #sev i love you #i broke your rule #oh well #julie molina #carrie wilson #ren rambles #look #i'm so bored right now #i needed to do this #ren has no regrets #neither does sev #we do be going after alex tomorrow

[juminhandfs]

Hantober Day 10

Choir Practice: Favorite song that reminds you of Jumin.

I made a playlist actually 👀

I went overboard and tried to include songs fitting of every significant moment of his life in chronological order, including the bad endings and even when he crashed Seven's car... ending with the Good Ending.

If you are going to listen to this I have to warn you, it has 2 songs that touch on the bad ending 2 and can be triggering for some people: Lullaby from The Cure which is more metaphorical and Prison Sex by Tool whose lyrics are very graphic. Listen at your own risk and take care.

But here I want to talk about the first song on the playlist that sorts of encapsulates Jumin's life and what meeting MC means to him.

The song I'm talking about is Lateralus, also from Tool, which has the particularity of relying heavily on the Fibonacci sequence both in the metric of the syllables and in the meaning of the song. This is a song about grow.

If you have never heard about the Fibonacci sequence, also known as The Golden Ratio, I recommend to you to watch all these videos on YouTube talking about it because is something super interesting!

Basically The Fibonacci sequence is the mathematic that you can find in the nature, which goes like this:

0+1 =

1+1= 2

2+1= 3

3+2= 5

5+3= 8

8+5= 13 and so on...

Theses numbers when put on a graphic look like this: a spiral

A grad student made a video about the Fibonacci in Lateralus for a project and there it's infinitely better explained of what can I do here, but sadly the video was taken down, what I could find is this same video from someone who reposted it.

I want to encourage you to watch it so you can understand better how the lyrics match with Jumin's life:

Black/ 0+ 1 =

then /+1 =

white are/ 2 + 1 =

all I see/ 3 +  2 =

in my infancy/ 5 + 3 = 8

This is like a perfect description of Jumin's life growing up and raised like a businessman, with no place to emotions and creativity

Red and yellow then came to be/ 8 - 3=

reaching out to me/ 5  - 2 =

Lets me see/ 3

Red and yellow could stand for V and Rika. They showed him another way for things to be: these are the colors more vibrant in the rainbow. Trough them Jumin got to experience friendship and love. And they "came came to him, reaching out to him" he didn't went looking out for them.

As below, so above and beyond, I imagine/ 13 - 5 =

Drawn beyond the lines of reason/ 8 - 3=

Push the envelope/ 5 -2 = 

Watch it bend 3

Below, above, beyond: the lyrics are describing the dimensions of a box, that's the envelope to push made by "the lines of reason". Also note how the number of syllables were in crescendo, but now they are descending, why? What is stopping the spiral from growing? What is stopping Jumin? The answer is in the following chorus: 

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind

Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must

Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

Then we have the repetition of the same verses and the chorus + the following verses

There is (2)

so (1)

much (1)

more and (2)

beckons me (3)

to look through to these (5)

infinite possibilities (8)

The next verse marks the moment the song changes, it stops counting syllables and with it both the song and the lyrics go in an endless crescendo...

Feed my will to feel this moment 

Urging me to cross the line

Reaching out to embrace the random

Reaching out to embrace whatever may come

A thing I haven't noticed, but I do now as I'm writing this is that the voice and the style of the singing also changes here. Up to this point was kinda robotic but here is really soft, in awe, you can feel the sincerity of the singer in his voice. If I had to parallel this moment in the song to one in Jumin's route it definitely would be when he tells you about his threads at 2 am. It's my favourite moment in the whole song, as I imagine Jumin saying those words:

I embrace my desire to

I embrace my desire to

Feel the rhythm, to feel connected

Enough to step aside and weep like a widow

To feel inspired

To fathom the power

To witness the beauty

To bathe in the fountain

To swing on the spiral

Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity 

And still be a human

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself

Between the sounds and open wide to suck it in

(He complained about the noise, remember the standing alone in an empty field? The noise is no longer noise, is "sounds" , "words have a meaning once they reach you"

I feel it move across my skin

(He didn't liked to be touched)

I'm reaching up and reaching out

(He is out of the box, or the cage?)

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me

What ever will bewilder me

And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been

We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been

Spiral out, keep going

Translation of all of this? Why I put it at the beginning of the playlist?

Well...

Because of the heavy trauma he received in his early years, Jumin had to rely on rationality and logic to conduct his life (V called him "scientist" and Rika said she wanted for him to find the perfect balance between emotions and logic). Thus ignoring emotions but also his inner intuition, his gut feeling. (Update after the dlc: Now we know the big part his mother also played in this)

Because Jumin's trauma is in direct relation to his body, Jumin tried to distance as far as he could from it and treating it as a machine ("separating the body from the mind"). He mentions how loose clothes make him uncomfortable "because he needs a constant restraint all the time" (if corsets for men were an item you can bet Jumin would wear one)   which leads to his body speaking to him in the way of symptoms: this symptoms are the headaches, the numbness he says he feels in the dlc, the feeling of drowning, etc...

Basically, his body (wether by his emotions, gut feelings or directly through his headaches and mild-amnesia) is desperately trying to talk to him and Jumin is doing everything he can to not listen to it, because he isn't ready for it yet, because these are years and years of unspoken trauma trying to hit him  at once (this is why therapy is important! Guys!) .

So Jumin rationalizes things: he must be having headaches because he ate something bad, or the temperature in the room is below 2 grades, and V must be distant because he is still grieving, not because he is hiding something, not for what Yoosung is telling everyone. And Yoosung is also grieving, so that's why he's acting like this.

And Rika was V's fiance, so he couldn't have feelings for her

All of this changes when he meets MC: first she doesn't treat him as a robot like everybody else, but as person with feelings and with a right to feel and express those feelings, and second and (maybe) more importantly: she doesn't allow him to project his own emotions onto her (as he did with Elizabeth) thus Jumin doesn't have any other option that confront his own emotions, to recognize those feelings as his own… and this scares him to death, but he has to do it if he wants to be with her.

And this, that this battle is for her and for a future with her, is what gives him strength.

Now, onto the song again, Jumin has to listen to his body to do this, he has to decipher what is trying to tell him "Why im feeling like this?" "Why I acted this way". There's another song, also from Tool ("Forty Six & 2") that goes deeper in this process Jumin has to do "I want to know what I've been hiding in my shadow (...) Listen to my muscle memory"

It can't be only raw emotion because that's the bad ending 2 (or he stealing Seven's car), both mind and body had to work together (or to say it in the words of the song, the body can't be keep separated from the mind) for the well being of the person. And if it's in the natural design of things to tend to expansion and growth, why we'll be different? This is to live riding the spiral: self awareness.

"Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity 

And still be a human"

And the best part of all of these? Once this big rock is out the way? 

Now he can allow himself to feel everything! Both the good and the bad, his love for MC, his friendship for the RFA, and by him now being better, he can also be a better, more honest friend to those he loves. And by being more honest, he can now help them to get on their feet again just as MC helped him, and accept help from them . Without fear.

"We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been"

And that's why I love this song and Jumin Han.

.

.

.

.

Note: So this didn't came out as I wanted :/ (that's why I couldn't post it like 1 month ago), but that's kinda of the point of the song I guess? 😅 Certain things can not be explained, only experienced and when you try to dissect them (overanalyzing) they lost something very important in the process. Even the same phenomenon doesn't guarantee the same experience for different individuals... But that's the good thing in the end 😅

How boring life would be if we all experienced the world in the same way...

#literally forcing myself to post this... why I'm so bad with words?? #I hope the general idea is somehow clear?? anyway the beast... is done... Hantober is over! 😵 #I did it!! #for you Juju!! 😭 #mystic messenger #mysme #jumin han #mysme jumin #Hantober #hantober2020 #hantoberd10 #31daysjujuchallenge #jumin #my mysme analysis

[heiayen]

💌If you've received this, that means you're awesome! Keep the cha- hah you thought!! Here's an actual lil message from your bestest supporter coming in to remind you that you are awesome, loved and special to my heart! And to top it all off, here's a special hotline for your lovely needs: Press 1 for when you want to feel loved; 2 for when you want to hear nice words in these trying times; and 3 for reminders of taking care of yourself!

Dialed 1 for compliments...! You're already assured a cool and good person if you received this! Your writings, your works, and the kindness you bring along with you to others are some of the things you should be proud of. An awesome friend that makes me happy, someone that brightens my day everytime you appear in my dashboard. Keep being the sweet and cute you, because your brightness rivals the sun in this world <3

Dialed 2 for assurance...! Remember that all things are not permanent, and the same thing goes for the tough time you're going through! Not all the times we go through stuff goes by easily and that's okay, because we're humans and we're not perfect, so don't beat yourself up for making a mistake or not being enough. All efforts you do will always be enough even if you think it isn't; your contributions and emotions are always valid and I hope you remember that. Because out there are people who care and love you, who will always tell you that you should prioritize yourself over everything else. One day you'll come back to this day and realize that you've conquered it, that you're proud of yourself for overcoming it when you thought you wouldn't. And just know that I'm proud of you too.

Dialed 3 for self-care...! Make sure that you get enough water and food today! Did you listen to a nice song today, maybe one of your favorites that you can bop to while you do stuff? Make sure that you take a break, find comfort even for a lil bit and enjoy the time that ticks by. Have a laugh, watch some videos or even look at beautiful images that makes you happy - like a mirror! Stick your head out of the window or door to get some fresh air and sunlight too, just remember to bring a mask if needed. Really, do whatever makes you happy, because at a desperate time like now, our best treasure is our happiness. And there's nothing that gives me more relief than knowing that you're safe, well and smiling. <3

Love and always caring,

Exiled

BITCHHH WHO ALLOWED YOU TO BE SO NICE. explain RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW 

ok first of all why i checked my mailbox so late. why. second of all if you wonder my actual first reaction at this was “oh wow is this a request after years- nope- ohh i got this cute message wow wait this is very long oH MY GODS!?@>??” im lucky that i was home alone . 

third of all THIS IS SODJFHFDKS?@>? exiled. you goddamn. amazing person who wrote this all how i’m supposed to react. what i’m supposed to say because i dont think i will ever find words, sentences that would be even a bit close to how heartwarmin’ and lovely this message (a whole ass letter, i would even say) is. i am simply at lack of words and this all made my evening way better. 

holy fuck i’m literally a writer THAT’S AT LACK OF WORDS WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE BEIN’ NICE Goodbye. but ily a lot THIS WAS SERIOUSLY SO COOL TO READ COME ONNNN ily. yeah. uno reverse card.

#heia's ramble #bestie.......... #im in TEARS. #=exiled

[deniigi]

Hello! Just about to sit down and read your newest fic, so excited about it! I had a question for you (you very well may have answered this already, so sorry in advance!), but do you have advice for writing? Advice in terms of getting start, plotting out stories, helping get the creative juices flowing? I have all these ideas but seem to lack the drive to get things written out. I know the best advice is to just write, but I'm having a horrible time starting. What do you do in those moments?

Hello my dear!

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. The lord has blessed me with a head cold and ruined all my plans of productivity for the day, so I can finally answer this ask! I’ll talk a little bit about both how to get started with a story and then some little things that help me motivate myself.

I have started a tag for writing advice here: http://deniigi.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice

This is going to be a long post, sorry mobile users.

I am going to preface all of this with the understanding that I am technically a professional writer in terms of like, a handful of ways, but I have absolutely zero training in creative writing, so take everything I say with a grain of salt!

So, I personally find that, on the whole, that psychological hurdle of getting started comes a lot from the anticipation of the kind of response a story will get (how many hits, how many comments, how many kudos) in addition to a bit of anxiety or fear over  theloss of sustained interest in that story (by yourself and/or by your audience). I find that this can be alleviated by really, truly internalizing the understanding that you are allowed to write your work however you damn please, for whoever you damn please.

There will be work you write for others, and there will be work you write for yourself. Not all work needs to be published; sometimes, it is really nice to just write shit for yourself; it is a plus for humanity if you decide to share it with others, but you do not have to do that.

Furthermore, I would like to present you with this:

This is what my current folder for under fire looks like. And you might notice that there are almost always multiple drafts per chapter. Yes, I did in fact rewrite chapter four 5 fucking times, you bet your ass I did. And I’m not ashamed of it. I think the story is better for it. And that’s the important thing here: you do not need to produce a perfect draft the first time around. You will not produce that perfect draft. Accept this. Embrace this. Embrace it and your cat at the same time to really ingrain it as a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Liberate yourself from the pressure of needing to produce the perfect, most right draft and you may find starting the piece overall to be a much easier, more pleasant experience.

And along with this beautiful, uplifting spiritual advice, I also bring a practical thought: when it comes to getting started, a lot of times, people feel like they need to set the stage, yadda yadda yadda. Ha. No. Fuck that.

That’s a surefire way to bore the shit out of yourself. Start right in the middle of a scene that captivates you if that’s what you want to write. It’s a free platform. No one’s gonna arrest you if you stick Spiderman upside down in trash first thing. They might even applaud you actually, because you didn’t make them slog through some of that ‘It was the evening of the 25th and it was cold out in the streets” bullshit we all learned from Dickens.

Alright. Now let’s talk about actually getting started making words appear on paper.

So, from my knowledge there are generally two ways that folks write creatively. You have what I’m going to call the planners and then you what I’m going to call the monsters (I call them this entirely affectionately, I’m sure there’s a better word for these folks, but I don’t have it atm, all I have is a headcold). Planners are folks who sit down and work out their major plot points, who write outlines, and who create the scaffolding of their work before they set out on their magical journey. I think of these folks as architects.

And then you have the monsters and these are those fuckers who just sit down and write stream of consciously like the heathens all our high school teachers tried to teach us not to be.

I am both a planner and a monster. And a lot of that depends on the length of work I’m going for. I have never in my life planned a one-shot, for example. I just attack that as it is. I follow my heart, if you will. But when it comes to longer chaptered fics, I really do think that some outlining is super helpful.

You might find it useful for one-shots, though, I dunno. Maybe give it a try and see what happens?

The two main fics I’ve done proper outlines for are Inimitable and under fire and I actually find outlining to be immensely helpful in psyching me up to write the story (I go through and re-read my outlines when I start to lose interest or diverge too much from the plot outlined there in the actual writing. 9 times out of 10, re-reading gets me stupid excited to write all over again) and it also helps me keep momentum going throughout the plot.

Here’s a pic of some pages of under fire’s outline.

Physically writing the work is really important for me because it forces me to only put down key points/feelings/ideas I want to include, whereas typing gives me far too much room to get lost/distracted by extraneous detail. And since my handwriting is a teacher’s worst nightmare and I cross out shit and write huge with emotion, I’ll give you a little bit of what the middle page here says:

Miles-

there’s something thrumming

vibrating in his ears wherever he goes

-closes his eyes and somehow enters blackness- emptyness (Stranger Things style)

beat

beat

beat

“help.”

–BACK - everything is gone

closing his eyes doesn’t bring the space back

–it makes him panic. He doesn’t know why. His heart is pounding. He’s sweating He has a horrible feeling of doom.

beat

beat

beat

its gone.

he goes home anxiously. Pretends everything is normal.

his neck crawls

So basically it’s less of a formal outline and more of a collection of stream of consciousness feelings and screenplay directions which I’ll flesh out in the actual story.

Personally, I love writing these kinds of things because they get me pumped for the story I’m about to tell. I get to write out the key scenes and work through all the hard parts first, and then, while I’m writing, I work through the little fun details and banter and I have to write to figure out how we get from one scene to the next and I love the challenge of having to fit those pieces together. I very rarely stick strictly to my outline, (as anyone who is currently reading under fire can tell you right now), but I do try to stick to the main plot points in it and my writing is certainly better for it.

So yes. Outlining is very good, but it is even better when you do it to some kind of music. I listened to What’s Up Danger from the Into the Spiderverse soundtrack on repeat while I wrote this outline to kind of transfer some of the relentless pace conveyed in that song to the piece’s plot.

I highly recommend using music to set the mood of your piece while/before you write a piece of any length. It helps get you in the right headspace (excited or somber or angry) to write. You need emotion to write creatively. You can’t just make that happen sometimes; you need a little help.

A couple other things which might help:

1. Leave your house or the space you’re normally in. Go to a cafe and find a nice corner and have a think and a try in there. Sometimes moving to a different space helps you escape cyclical thinking patterns.

2. Write what you want to read. Don’t bother writing for other peoples’ interests; that’ll just bore the shit out of you all over again.

3. Find an atmospheric mood sound to listen to on Youtube or smth (I personally like Rain on a Car Windshield for slightly somber fics, but you might be into ocean storms or dripping caves or whatever).

4. Heat your feet. I don’t know why but I am entirely unproductive when my feet are cold. Maybe this one is me-specific, but whatevs. Heat the feets!

5. If you’re still having trouble just sitting down and pounding the story out, that’s okay! Maybe it’s not ready to be written yet. Maybe you’re not in the right headspace yet. Sometimes that’s just how it is. One story makes its way out in like, a hour, and the next one takes like, months to finally be written. We all work at different paces. We all write for different reasons.

It might help to figure out why you want to write a story before you write it. Like, if its for attention, it’s gonna be hard as hell. But if there’s an idea that you feel like is important or if there’s a mood you’re trying to work yourself into or out of, then that might be a little easier. For example, I wrote a piece called make it work which is about Fogs finding his motivation to be a lawyer and fight for justice when Kavanaugh was confirmed and I felt super helpless in the face of our present justice system. That story kind of wrote itself and it needed to be written, I feel, not just for me, but for others who were feeling just as helpless.

Writing is catharsis in that way. Maybe you just need to find out what you need to wring out of your soul.

Sorry that got very metaphysical. But I do want to stress that getting started and ending a story are the hardest parts of writing them, so you are definitely not alone if you feel like you’re ramming your head into a wall here.

I hope something here helps you, my dear!

#fic #writing advice #fanfiction #managingmischiefsince1988

[cancerbiophd]

hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)

(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?

Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 

Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?

Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 

If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 

And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 

I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:

Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 

Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 

Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!

Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 

Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 

Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 

Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 

Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)

I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 

I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better

#skinny-little-nobody #life advice