#forgive the tags

[wiw3]

Finally Getting Something Out

Hey all; that's okay, right?

I've been trying to think of something, virtually anything, viscerally everything that I could with which to come back, but, I can't. I have a plan tomorrow to run once more headlong into the breach, old friends, that's okay to say, right?

I'm rocking back and forth as I write this, I kind-of fidget when I author anymore, it seems. In any case, let this be a testament to the fact that I'm going through a period of being scared to upload to this little pocketbook on the internet.

It's no worse than a dream journal, I don't actually believe most of these things. A lot of it is satire and drafts meant for writing practice, but in a sensually-candid moment, I need to speak truth to the fact that I feel like I've abandoned those few who've chosen to spend time with me, watching me on this platform.

I think it's simply because I don't see nearly enough people like me, maybe I'm on the wrong platform, maybe I use the wrong tags, who knows? I guess I don't really care, I think I would like to write until I find an audience, as much of a cliché as it is, I think there's a fair place for cliché in society nowadays, and so-far-out irony that it leaves mothers quietly scratching their heads saying "Um, Brittany? What've you been getting into? Who's this Doc person you've been reading so much on?" And you're forced to have the awkward conversation explaining that I'm just some loser on the same wavelength as you and reading my stuff makes you feel better.

The point is that if you just kind-of surf in the murk here, I'd appreciate a tender little like every once in a while, a follow if you really like what I do. You don't know how much it means and how much it would motivate me to keep hitting this wall with more creative ideas. I think that's okay to say. I've kind-of been falling apart lately as I've struggled to wonder what's okay to put into written form, just trying to follow every rule, not hurt anyone's feelings, but lately it seems impossible, I'm just glad to have written something, at long last. That's okay to talk about, right?

Anyhoot, I'm going to be heading my large personage to bed, on this weekend night in Southwest Florida where the snow never comes, but the feels always do. I think we can talk about that.

I've been Doc, sorry for the long, overly-formal verbal signoff, Merry Happy, this year. I'm tired and blackout, and I love you all. I think that should be okay.

And it's okay for you to be here, too.

#writing #be gone #sorry #i'll disappear for a while after this #forgive the tags #sounds like there are monsters outside #christmas #hannukah #whatever you say #love to all #and to all a merry happy #so tired #eyes glazed over #sorry for the rant #i think that's okay #all good #my bad #healthy #coping #finally writing #finally writing again

[canonkiller]

but you can't keep holding on like this.

#you can put a disability metaphor in any legfndary draconic entity. many people dont know this #my art #comic #ouroboros #for tag filtering: #blood #its a blurry day forgive typos

[cwispihae]

Some long overdue sillyness ~

#sanji #op sanji #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #sanuso #usosan #bon clay #mr2 #mr 2 bon clay #usopp #I'm tagging him because it's ABOUT him -w- <3 #cwispihae #Forgive any mistakes with Bon Clay I'm lazy #one piece

[foxdoodles]

the lives of victors

#my art #fanart #the hunger games #hunger games #thg #thg fanart #the hunger games fanart #hunger games fanart #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #everlark #everlark fanart #forgot to tag buttercup everyone please forgive me #buttercup

[cryptcatz]

question: do ppl ACTUALLY say things they don’t mean when they’re angry? or is that just an excuse after letting something true slip? i wouldn’t ever say something i don’t mean in anger, so the concept confuses me.

but something was said to me that is bothering me, though apparently was said in an argument and wasn’t meant. but i don’t rlly believe it wasn’t like, deep down true thoughts/feelings??? anyone have any insight? anyone say things they don’t mean in anger?

EDIT: this was a hastily worded post that i didn’t expect to get notes. this is a genuine question asked in good faith that i got a lot of amazing answers to!

also re: the many ppl saying “OP is lying about not saying things they don’t mean in anger because everyone does it”— i genuinely have never done that. if i say something mean while angry, i meant it. that’s literally why i asked this question and why the concept confuses me, because i wouldn’t do something like that so i wanted perspective from people who do it. idk why y’all can’t believe that lmao not everyone is as prone to anger and outbursts

#i know im asking The Autism Website but lol will tag autism stuff cuz i think my confusion is related. idk #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #autistic community #autistic problems #autistic life #autism problems #neurodivergence #neurodiversesquad #personal #btw i do wanna note that this post is abt an abusive person tho #not everyone who does this is abusive! but in my specific case yes #just a warning cuz some stuff being said to me can be a lil uncomfy when saying i should forgive them #i HAVE. MANY times. too many #the anger post #< if you wanna hear more of my thoughts on this #and others thoughts

[writeouswriter]

Broke: Acknowledging that a character who is an objectively terrible person is also a complex and intentionally well thought out individual with different levels of nuance you can empathize with in some ways while not in others is immediately “woobifying” or “poor little meow meowifying” them.

Woke: “This character is a bad person” and “this character is still a person” are two statements that can, should and do coexist and admitting that they exhibit nuance and depth and are more than just their bad actions doesn’t immediately excuse or condone their bad actions or mean that you’re ignoring or trying to soften the canonical version of the character.

Bespoke: That’s the whole point, that’s always been the point, to be made to empathize with horrible people so you can understand that they can be anyone, that bad people can be likeable, can be interesting, can be human, are human, and it’s scary to think about all the ways they’re just like you and all the ways they’re just like everything you hate, forcing the use of critical skills in media analysis, forcing a confrontation of the duality of man.

Whatever Level is Above Bespoke: But sometimes, yeah, sure, maybe they are a poor little meow meow, what are you gonna do, get a lawyer

#oh you would absolutely hate who sparked this post would absolutely hate it #and i am absolutely never going to tag who it is #writing #writeblr #books #media #movies #tv shows #poor little meow meow #media analysis #character analysis #literature #oh my god oh my god i shan't say it but i looked at the urban dictionary for something and oh my god #listen I’m not forgiving them I’m just observing the writers purposefully wrote more to them like they are the worst but hey #lying in wait like a spider to see if anyone tags this as the character that initially sparked this no one has yet #Upon last check 12400 notes someone has mentioned will not say when or who 👍

[statementlives]

chester and norris potentially communicating through case files will be the death of me i fear.

#it's one thing for them to send warnings to oiar staff #but apologising to and forgiving each other hits different #head empty only them #jonmartin #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #chester #norris #ep 1 first shift #ep 14 pet project #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #that's too many tags sorry #ps. cough cough eyepocalypse #mine

[tea-kettle-tea-kettle]

Has this been done already

#burrows end #burrow's end #d20 #dimension 20 #brennan lee mulligan #bleem #lou wilson #siobhan thompson #aabria iyengar #game changer #dimension 20 meme #d20 meme #dropout #tula #jaysohn #stoats #forgive my preponderance of tags i just think i am funny and would like to share this

[blood-loving-leech]

episode 1 here

episode 2 here

episode 3 here

episode 4 here

links for the first four hazbin hotel episodes for everyone who doesn’t want/can’t afford amazon prime, enjoy and share!!

#forgive me for the spam tagging i just wanna get this to people who wanna see the show <3 #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin vaggie #hazbin husk #hazbin vox #huskerdust #hazbin hotel season 1 #hazbin hotel episode 1 #hazbin hotel episode 2 #hazbin hotel episode 3 #hazbin hotel episode 4

[saint-nevermore]

PHEN-228 taking a fat bong rip at a frat party

#fraizer draws #art #horror #horror cw #analog horror #doctor nowhere #phen 228 #the boiled one phenomenon #jumpscare cw #scary face cw #Im so sleepy rn i cant remember any more tags forgive me. i hope he does not scare anyone #oh i forgor ummm #drug use cw #edit btw this has been the first horror face to scare me in a while #he is so unsettling in the video. props to silas theyre incredible

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[originalartblog]

A quick-ish 3D render inspired by Dazai's bolo tie because I don't use my skills for fun enough ✨

#''quick-ish'' because i had to figure out how to render gems and that was a whole thing #also this renderer hates metals. that gold looks too muddy but oh well :/ #i also went a little crazy with the post-effects forgive me #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #nawy's 3d #<- you all forgot i had this tag because i never use it and never finished the project it was created for #i live in shame

[lotus-pear]

the fine people of bsd tumblr have asked for fem skk and i shall give it to them

#bsd one of the realest animes out there for having unisex outifits i didn't have to change anything (yes this probably defeats the point) #i normally hate feminized male characters bc nine times out of ten they become hypersexualized and/or lose their og outfit #bc ladies can't wear pants?? god forbid. no. give them a miniskirt or ridiculously skintight see through leggings/stockings #i was extremely normal drawing this tbh. i totally wasn't falling in love w my own sketch. god i love women <33 #also if any one of you points out that chuuya looks the same but w longer lashes i will cry😭 #i couldn't give him long hair he looked too different pls hear me out ik i robbed you guys but pls forgive me #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #fem soukoku #fem skk #(<- is that a tag???) #bsd #lotus draws

[ohposhers]

i dont even fucking remember why i drew this im sorry gang

#it jumpscared me when i was looking through my art folder and i realized i never posted it #lord forgive me #drawing troll shitposts instead of paying my bills #trolls #trolls band together #madoka magica #trolldoka band togethica au #that tag is gonna get me shot #i spelt togethica wrong on the drawing ik #john dory trolls #floyd trolls #velvet trolls #creek trolls #my art #ending it all

[jerich0two]

Same voice actor

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #dr facilier #hazbin art #fanart #im sorry if the transparency sucks #i just realized i fucked his wings up #forgive me #the reference i used had a solid black background #jeri's art tag for convenience purposes

[vorestarr]

ascended astarion and vampire spouses

so I've been reading the dnd 2e manual "Van Richten's Guide to Vampires" for fic/game inspiration, and there's this really interesting chapter on vampire brides and grooms. after reading it, it's very clear to me that Astarion didn't turn Tav into a typical spawn, but into a vampire spouse, which are two very different rituals with very different outcomes.

the typical vampire spawn creation process is exactly what Astarion describes happening to him: a painful death, a painful rebirth into undeath, fighting his way out of his own coffin, and Cazador's complete control over him. this is described pretty clearly in the guide to vampires:

According to most related tales, a vampire can create another simply by killing a mortal either with its life-energy draining power (draining all the character's experience leveIs) or by exhausting the mortal of his or her blood supply. If the victim's body is not properly destroyed, it arises as a vampire, under the control of the creature who killed it, on the second night following the burial. [...] Most vampires remember the instant of their death and the nature of their killer, and understand immediately their new nature. Certainly their new hunger gives them a good idea of what they have become. They must immediately free themselves from their grave. either by breaking it open from within or by assuming gaseous form and diffusing out.

so that's definitely what happened to Astarion, but that's not what happens to Tav. after ascended Astarion turns Tav into a vampire, they can ask him what happened, and he describes the following:

Astarion: You are so beautiful... And you will be beautiful forever. Thank you for trusting me. Player: What exactly happened? Astarion: You were drained dry, and at the height of your delirium, I granted you one drop of my own blood. Things will be a touch different for you than they were for me when I was a spawn. I'm imbibed with unfathomable new talents. I am fairly certain I can extend Mephistopheles' blessings unto you. Player: Does that mean I need not fear the sun? Astarion: You need not fear anything. You will be stronger, swifter, sharper, but you won't be different. You were already perfect before. It's hard to improve.

for reference, this is how the guide to vampires describes the ritual for vampire spouses:

To actually create the bride, the vampire bestows what is known as the "Dark Kiss". lt samples the blood of its mortal paramour—once, twice, thrice—draining her almost to the point of death. This process causes the subject no pain; in fact, it has been described as the most euphoric, ecstatic experience, in comparison to which all ether pleasures fade into insignificance. Just as the subject is about to slip into the terminal coma from which there is no awakening, the vampire opens a gash in its own flesh—often in its throat—and holds the subject's mouth to the wound, As the burning draught that is the vampire’s blood gushes into the subject's mouth, the primitive feeding instinct is triggered, and she sucks hungrily at the wound, enraptured. With the first taste of the blood, the subject is possessed of great and frenzied strength (Str 18, if the character’s Str isn't already higher), and will use it to prevent the vampire from separating her from the fountain of wonder that is its bleeding wound. lt is at this point that the creator-vampire's strength is most sorely tested. He is weakened by his own blood loss, and also by his own rapture as the "victim" of a dark kiss. Overcoming the sudden loss of strength and the inclinations of lust, the vampire must pull her away from its own throat, hopefully without harming her, before she has overfed. Should the subject be allowed to feed for too long (more than 2 rounds), she is driven totally and incurably insane, and will die in agony within 24 hours. Once the subject has stopped feeding, she falls into a coma that lasts minutes or hours (2dl2 turns), at the end of which time she dies. Several (1 d3) hours later, she arises as a Fledgling vampire—and her creator's bride.

this to me sounds like what Astarion describes. he drains Tav almost dry, and at the very last moment, gives them a single drop of his blood. (also interesting reading this guide, the single drop avoids the problem of the vampire spouse being driven ravenous with hunger for the vampire creator's blood and attacking them. did Astarion know this and give them one drop on purpose to avoid that and Tav potentially being driven mad by it? or was he being selfish and this is just a nice but unanticipated outcome?)

i kept reading and there's a lot more interesting information about vampire spouses, but the most interesting thing I found related to the game was this:

Although there are some folk tales that describe the bride of a vampire as its slave, in much the same way that offspring are slaves, a bride is free-willed from the moment of her creation. The creator vampire does have great influence over the bride. however although this control is totally nonmagical. When a vampire is created in the traditional manner—that is, when a victim's life energy is completely drained away—the new fledgling instinctively understands much about the vampiric way of unlife, and about its own strengths, weaknesses* and needs. Not so the bride.

so basically, the vampire spouse is not tied to the vampire creator in the same way as a spawn (i.e., not able to be fully controlled) but is still extremely reliant on the vampire creator to teach them how to live as a vampire. the guide goes on to describe that some vampire creators may lie to their vampire spouse about the control or powers they have, in order to exert more control over them.

interestingly, if you ask Astarion if he can compel you the way Cazador compelled him, he doesn't give a straight answer, he just says this:

Player: Cazador could compel you - can you compel me? Astarion: Why would I need to? You're going to be wonderfully obedient.

to me, all of this says that Astarion was telling the truth when he told Tav that they would be different from him as a spawn, and also in emphasizing that they are not a spawn but a consort. he didn't create a spawn, he created a vampire spouse. he married Tav, and because of this Tav also retains their free will.

of course, Astarion doesn't say this. if he knows, he withholds this information in much the way that this guide describes, as a way for the creator to maintain more control over their spouse. but still, extremely interesting implications for the ascended Astarion romance, imo.

other interesting facts about vampire spouses from the guide to vampires:

the married couple has telepathic communication that can span miles -- so Tav and Astarion can potentially have a telepathic bond even after the tadpoles are gone. (another note, this communication has to be consensual both ways for it to work, so you can't just dig around someone's mind if they don't want it.)

the vampire creator is extremely jealous and possessive. (yeah lol)

their life forces are linked, so one suffering a great deal is felt by the other.

the bond can be broken, but the ritual to do so has to be initiated by the creator. to break it, they both spill their blood on the ground and allow it to mix. this dissolves all aspects of the bond (i.e., telepathy and linked life forces), but the spouse stays a vampire.

#forgive me if this is already posted somewhere #i went looking for a post like this but tumblr's search system is so abysmal i couldn't find anything #so i'm just posting for my own reference and then tagging it for others in case :) #astarion #ascended astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion romance #for reference #meta #baldur's gate 3