#gonna try to push on the depression a bit and at least make something part of his daily routine now that I'm getting more daily energy back

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

Randomly got surged with love for my dog, hug your dogs everyone <3

#I wish we had more money #he desperately needs a groomer #but he's scared of the showerhead and he doesn't like his paws touched #I'm working on that second one #but it's slooow because energy among other things sucks #gonna try to push on the depression a bit and at least make something part of his daily routine now that I'm getting more daily energy back #fighting depression is so fucking exhausting #but we're getting there #ups and downs everyone ups and downs #I would not have expected to get here so quickly so that's #something #oop I'm rambling in tags again lol #I was gonna sleep and then I got distracted by dog training videos #I finally figured out how to make the autism ADHD overwhelmed by big tasks and overwhelmed by step by step work for me #isolate the step. block your mind of what to do next. #then you're doing one thing #and then you're doing one thing again #boom stuff and things #sorta #we're trying alright lol #we're getting. somewhere. eventually.

[miguel-ohara-lover]

Kinktober day 10 - Ghost!Miguel

Prompt list

CW: nsfw, ghost, ftm!reader, kinda creepy, “pussy”/“cunt” used, squirting, eating out

Note: Tonight is gonna be a bit short because uh yeah depression fucking sucks ass… anyway- I like ghosts :] (🎶if you have ghoosssttt you have everythiiing-🎶)

Ps don’t question it it’s fictiooooonnnn…

Creepy stuff never bothered you before, and hey creepy generally meant cheaper. So when you heard of this really nice house that was half price do you a murder that took place, fuck yeah you wanna buy that shit. A little murder didn’t hurt especially when it meant you get cheap shit and it’s not like you committed the crime sooo…

The random noises and random moving objects was all easy to explain away. You probably forgot you moved it or it was probably the wind. Easy shit to explain. Though… seeing a figure of a man in the hallway was weird… You thought someone had broken in but as you got closer he disappeared.

This started happening more often, you’d see him, try to approach, and he’d vanish. He didn’t run and hide, he just went poof. Eventually you learned to not approach him, and instead would wave. After a few times he waved back, and that surprised you. Before it didn’t seem like he knew you were there, and know he’s acknowledged your existence.

He started sticking around more, started to acknowledge your presence more. He was very handsome for whatever the fuck he was. You figured he was a ghost, a spirit trapped in the mortal realm after his untimely death.

You noticed he would hang around more often, watching what you did or what you had on the tv. It didn’t bother you, and it was kind of nice knowing you had friendly eyes on you. At least you thought he was friendly, considering he hasn’t tried to possess and or murder you by now.

Some quick research told you what you were curious about. His name was Miguel O’Hara, his murder was unsolved. Perhaps that’s why he hung around, unfinished business and all. You tried to get him to open up to you, but he never spoke a word to you. He would just watch you and vanish before any progress is made.

One day, you were getting dressed in the morning when you noticed out of the corner of your eye he was standing in the doorway. He was watching you, but you didn’t feel unsafe.

“You have scars. Did someone hurt you?” He spoke for the first time since you met him. His voice surprised you. It sounded soft and distant, almost an echo to it.

It took you a moment to realize what he was referring to. “Oh.” You looked down at yourself, then back at him. “No, they’re just from surgery.”

“Ah. Okay then.” He nods and looks around your room.

“Do you have to stand there while I get dressed?” You chuckled a little. You didn’t entirely mind, what could he do he’s dead. He didn’t respond, and instead stood there like he had been.

You shrugged and continued changing, removing your pants and underwear. You bent over looking at your dresser for some panties. He looked over and would have blushed if he had blood. Your pussy looked so perfect to him, so wet and just asking for his attention.

“I can feel you staring.” You spoke up, still bend over. Suddenly, cold hands grabs your bare hips. You let out a small gasp as the freezing touch. He moves a hand from your hip to your pussy, dragging a cold finger through your slick folds and sending shivers through your body.

He stayed silent as a finger slipped inside you, making you shudder and moan. Part of you wondered how this was possible, how was he able to touch you if he’s dead. You weren’t complaining, but the wonder was still there. The thoughts were immediately forgotten, however, when you felt another finger circle your clit, drawing louder moans from you.

Miguel seemed pleased with, and pulled his hand away. It was silent and still for a moment, and you started to wonder if he had walked away. That was until you felt something else against your cunt, something hard.

You bit your lip as you felt his cock push into you, stretching your already tight pussy. Fuck he was big. How could anyone wanna murder a guy with THAT in his pants. He held onto your hips, guiding you down his shaft until your pelvis was against his. Miguel’s hands moved upward, under your shirt as he felt your body, his fingers eventually finding your scars and touching the flesh.

He turned his attention to your nipples, lightly tugging and teasing, earning little grunts of pleasure from you. He enjoyed that sound, it made his dick twitch. Your pussy contracted around him and he groaned slightly, starting to thrust his hips slow at first.

Miguel steadily picked up the pace until he was slamming into you at an inhuman speed. You cried out and moaned into the palm of your hand as this spirit ravaged your cunt. You were dripping wet just from the initial touches to your pussy. A hand went back down and played with your clit, gently tugging and rubbing circles as you whined.

It was so overstimulating, everything was pulling you closer and closer to the edge. The warm knot in your gut formed quickly, with all this pleasure it wasn’t hard. He was eager and ready to please, ready to pleasure you in any way he could, you were gorgeous to him.

You let out a loud moan as you came from his fingers and cock. His pelvis and lower torso were drenched from you squirting on him. The sight made him unravel immediately. He groaned and grunted as he spilled inside you, ice cold cum filling your pussy as his fingers moved faster, drawing more squirt juices from you and making you cry out.

He pulled out and released your clit from the torment. You panted and leaned against your dresser to stay upright, clit twitching from so much stimulation. He couldn’t help but admire you even more, so soaking wet from cumming, it drove him made

Miguel moved onto his knees and licked your pussy, making you moan and whimper slightly. He loved those sounds so much. His mouth wrapped around your clit and he sucked gently, making you cry out once more. He was so eager, happily pleasuring your clit all over again. He pushed his cold fingers into your pussy and finger fucked you roughly as he licked and sucked your clit, hoping for another shower.

You whined and rocked your hips a little, rubbing your pussy on his face as the pleasure overtook you. You saw stars in the air as reality melted away, and all you could think of was Miguel’s mouth, pleasing your cunt so perfectly. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, holding you against his face, eating you out as if it were his last meal.

His grip tightened and you could feel another orgasm building up inside you. It wasn’t long before you came a second time, squirting once more and giving Miguel that shower he wanted. He didn’t stop going to town on your cunt, however. He just couldn’t get enough, holding your trembling legs as he feasted.

Eventually he did stop, after making you cum a third… fourth… and fifth time. By then you were gone, thoughts incoherent and words just a mumbling mess, unable to keep yourself up anymore. He helped you into bed, wiping up any mess left on you and tucking you in.

“That was fun.” He spoke up. In your sleepy mindless state all you could manage was “mhm”. He didn’t mind, smiling down at you as you drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

He’d watch over you of course. Always.

———

Tag list(feel free to ask to be on it):

@6thhokageswife @zaunsin @famouscattale @m4dyy @thedevax @migueloharastruelove @queerponcho @lynnxnnyl

#miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #atsv #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara smut #miguel o’hara kinktober

[circusinthewalls]

Semi-NSFW Ghost Ramblings - MDNI, AGELESS BLOGS DNI

(CW: Discussions of deep depression.) [Masterlist]

Depression's a bitch. Always finding a way to halt you in your tracks, bringing you to an abrupt, crumbling stop. Simon can tell it's starting up again. You manage to perform most of your daily necessities, but he doesn't miss the way you practically drag through them.

You eat slower, eat less. Your showers have been taking longer. Laundry doesn't get put in the wash til you're struggling to find clean clothes, fatigue pants mismatched with an undershirt, or something of the sort.

He can't place the root cause of it, but he's smart enough to not let you continue sinking deeper into it. At least if he can, that is. Stubborn thing you are.

You're a little caught off guard when he comes knocking on the door to your room one night, and even more so when he pushes past you, letting himself in. Before you can even open your mouth to question him, you've been thrown over his shoulder. He turns back the way he came, ignoring your questions and muttered pleas to be put down.

"Settin' you straight," he says when you eventually give up.

That's the only explanation you get until you've entered the showers. You recognize the room by the tile and lift your head a bit. Odd. What're the lights already on for? Should be off long by now at this hour.

Just as you begin to get a feel for your surroundings, you're lifted off Simon's shoulder and set down on what you can only assume is the edge of the sinks. You're a little too disoriented by the sudden movement to tell straight away.

"You gonna be good for me, yeah?" he queries, and you can feel his hands slide up your thighs as he moves to stand between them.

Confusion knits your brows.

"Didn't do anything," you object.

His fingers twitch, grip tightening by a fraction. You try to ignore the way it makes your cheeks heat up.

"Not what I asked."

His tone brooks no argument. Clearly, whatever it is he wants, he'll be having none of your little complaints tonight. You concede and give a tentative nod. Judging by the look in his eye, you can only assume he's pleased with the change of attitude.

He reaches behind you, retrieving.. a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. Both are new. Not particularly extraordinary, flimsy things that come standard issued in this line of work, but he doesn't know where you keep your toiletries and frankly couldn't be bothered to look. Grabbing these from the locker room storage closet was easier.

You glance over your shoulder to watch him wet the toothbrush, then glob the paste on it's multicolored bristles. When he brings it around infront of you his other hand is already reaching up to grip your jaw, though it stops short.

"Open your mouth."

You hesitate, glancing between him and the toothbrush. Hell, if he wanted you to brush your teeth you didn't understand why he couldn't let you do it yourself. He fixes you with a look, and you slowly do as you're told. He wrenches a thumb gently into your mouth, cocking it up to get you to open wider.

Your cheeks flush brighter, the faintest whine escaping once he starts brushing your teeth.

"Shh, there ya go," he soothes. "Just be good for me. You're doin' so well already."

Once it comes to brushing your tongue he has the tip pinched between his fingers. The whole thing feels strangely intimate, especially when he accidentally dips the toothbrush back too far and makes you gag. He curses under his breath, muttering a hushed 'sorry' as he finishes up.

He continues on with his little whispers of how good you're being, reassuring you every chance he gets. Unfortunately, it's getting you more and more worked up by the second.

When all is said and done your breath is coming out in soft pants, your face and gut burning with feelings you didn't expect to arise from such an exchange. Shit.

---------------------------------------------------

Part two, perhaps? Maybe as a little treat. Keep an eye out for it. Feel free to ask to be tagged if you're interested. <3

Edit: Part two is [here]!

Copyright © circusinthewalls on Tumblr. 2024. All Rights Reserved. Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or to use with AI technologies.

#simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #no y/n #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost smut #soft ghost #ghost cod #cod ghost #writers on tumblr #ao3 writer #gender neutral reader #afab reader #amab reader #nonbinary reader #call of duty #fanfiction #rambles #drabble #fanfic #smut #18+ mdni #proship dni #anti proship

[brick-a-doodle-do]

i know myself so well DVFEWJRS

HERE IT IS!! LAST CHAPTER IN MAIN SERIES! i started this doc on halloween and finished it around fourth of july! good god!

also i forgot to add bht thank you to xyz for help with this chapter !! part of the last scene was completely their idea :D

the egg scene will forever haunt me. i was stuck on that for at least three months.

not quite ready (iii; final)

(i, ii)

words: 4515 (😱😱😱)

cw: vore mention, dehumanization, mentions of depression, descriptions of questioning reality ? idk the word for that :I

—–—

The following morning, Wilbur sits with himself in silence. The apartment was quiet, broken only by the quiet whooshes of cars rushing in the busy streets down below and the occasional hum from the air conditioner. 

By the time the bedroom door that had sat undisturbed for hours creaked open with practiced silence, he didn't know how much time had passed. 

That feeling was familiar. 

He hates to circle back to the very thing he’s so luckily escaped from, but every little thing he did would remind him of it. Wilbur doesn’t know Tommy very well yet, and he can’t say he’s drawn to doing so, but it’s nice to be able to gaze at the chocolate bag without looking at the walls he only saw as one great big endless void.

He can hear Tommy’s weight shift onto the floorboards softly as he makes his way through the apartment. Wilbur tossed to his side, eyes staring at the cloth of the couch. Familiarity washes over him and drowns him. He had spent too long staring at a dark, blank slate. Why does his freedom entail the very same thing?

Wilbur frowns, shifting back up to the ceiling, where Tommy just barely looms over the edge of the couch. A shiver runs through his body at the startle, but ultimately it’s nice to see him, because it was grounding to see another living and breathing something. 

“Oh, fuck, sorry—” Tommy murmurs, his hands resting on the back of the couch and pushing the cushion down just slightly to see the tiny better. Wilbur shrugs, looking deeply into the eyes that blink without a rhythm. Tommy is alive. 

Wilbur is too. 

Tommy’s chest rises and falls and his hair shifts as his head moves just barely so their eye-contact could disperse. Wilbur’s chest rises and falls too, and he can hear his heartbeat that thumps softly against his ears as they sit in utter silence.

“Well, um, I’m gonna go, yeah? You alright here?”

He considered it, and he should’ve said he was. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he’d apparently lost control of his response and blurted out an extremely abrupt: “No, please stay with me. I–I can’t sleep and I really can’t have it be quiet any longer.” 

“Oh,” Tommy murmurs, “okay. Yeah, I can do that for sure. Do you want me to sit down?” he asks, already making his way over to the tiny. 

The borrower nods, trying not to listen to the voice in his head. Tommy obliges and walks around the edge of the couch, a certain slowness to his movements, and sits down just inches away from the pillow he was on. 

Wilbur sits up, sinking slightly in the middle of the feathers, but his next-to-nothing weight, for the most part, keeps him still. Tommy keeps his hands in his lap, nails picking softly at his skin. It’s quiet for a moment, but Tommy speaks up with the inevitable question, “Did you sleep last night?”

Wilbur shakes his head, “No, I couldn’t. Did you?”

“A little bit,” Tommy replies, and Wilbur notices how the hem of the human’s shirt has been caught between his fingers. “Hey, um, Wilbur?” Tommy asks. Wilbur looks up. “Are you feeling alright after that whole, uh…thing?”

Wilbur shrugs, the phantom feeling of being in the bag already fading from his memory, but in the same way never uprooting. He swallows. “I can't say I feel the best, but I'm getting better. Thank you for what you've done, I don't know where I'd be right now.”

“Oh, nah man, you didn't deserve to be there in the first place! Just helpin’ a guy out, y’know?” Tommy flashes him a fond smile, and the human’s humor wafts into his face, the sweet scent of underlying pity burning his throat. He laughs dryly, unsure of where to lead the conversation so that the suffering sound of nothing can’t bother him any longer, because so many of his days had been spent with little but the occasional muffled chime from the store’s door or the hushed chatter from city-goers as they pass in and out. 

Tommy looks like he wants to say something, his lips parting with every passing second Wilbur sits with the reminisce of the past. He considers pointing the fact out, but instead he lets them sit in the shared silence before the teenager’s inevitable saving grace would show. 

Half a minute has passed and they haven't broken eye-contact. 

The gesture might’ve scared past-Wilbur, though post-incident-Wilbur has never felt more thrilled at the contact of another being. And when his eyes drift down to the fingers that still fidget with the cloth anxiously, he can't help but imagine how grounding it would feel for fingers to close over him. 

He shudders at the thought, however, because it’s an entirely other scenario to be trapped by a human. It’s a conflicting battle that leaves him absentmindedly shifting closer.

Tommy is quiet.

Wilbur is quiet.

A car honks down on the streets below, startling Wilbur.

Tommy, awkwardly, clears his throat. “I’m going back to London in a few weeks, can’t be long now, uhm, do you want to come with me? I don’t want to force you, but you don’t seem like the typa’ fella to just pick life back up, respectfully ‘n all.” Wilbur considers it, and the silence draws taut. 

“That’s a bit last-minute, don’t you agree?” he asks.

“Right, like I said you’re not, like, fuckin’ obligated to or whatever. Just thought it might be nice, givin’ you a heads up ‘n all,” Tommy reassures him. It’s not exactly convincing; Wilbur finds himself wondering how much of Tommy is really okay with him staying here.

Wilbur swallows, running his fingers through the flap of his hair. “I don’t know, and don’t expect an answer. Not anytime soon.” 

“Right, yeah, don’t decide right now,” Tommy chirps, leaning against the couch and sighing. “Are you hungry? I could fuckin’ eat right now,” he adds.

Wilbur stares right at him. 

Tommy sits, oblivious with his leg bouncing as he awaits Wilbur’s response. Eventually, his eyes shifted in realization when the silence had drawn on too long. “Oh, oh fuck—I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t want anything like that—” Tommy rushes, the words coming out a warp. Wilbur shakes his head, the beginning of laughter escaping him, though drying up at the edge of his throat. 

“You’re fine, king, you’re all good. Just a bit jumpy after everything, you get it,” he replies simply.

“I actually don’t really get it,” Tommy argues. There’s another beat of silence, Wilbur staring at Tommy’s hands. “Well, uh, seriously then, do you want food?”

Wilbur nods eagerly. 

Food, real food sounded extravagant; his teeth had rotten away over all the times he’d filled up on chocolate. 

The taste of something savory over the weeks had often been his imagination while he bit into the bud of candy, pretending easily that it was something different, like, a rather pleasant portion of fruit he’d scored while a human was away or something he managed to buy in his short time of freedom. 

Tommy nods, shuffling up off of the couch and leaving him in the lonely living room again, back to sitting with his own thoughts, only this time with a newfound light after the human had flicked it on.

Suddenly, Tommy comes back into view as he gently leans over the back of the couch. So close. Like how he had been when he’d peered into the candy bag— 

“Wilbur,” Tommy urges. When Wilbur seems to have blinked out of his memory, the human continues. “What do you want? You allergic to anything?”

He blinks. Alurgic? 

“Uh….I don’t think I know what that means,” Wilbur admits.

“Oh, uh, I’ll take that as a no. I don’t have it in me to explain,” Tommy says, smiling at him like Wilbur is supposed to know what that means. 

When Tommy takes his expression that grows even more confused by the following silence as a response, he tries to shake it off with a swift: “Can I take you over to the kitchen, then? Or do you think you still could fall asleep?”

“I can’t fall asleep,” Wilbur responds quickly.

Tommy nods. “I’m gonna put my hand down on the pillow,” the human announces. He does—though irritatingly slow. He was unsure about humans, and it seemed both of them recognized that, but Wilbur wasn’t glass. 

When Tommy had stopped moving and instead kept his eyes glued to the borrower, he moved with his shoulders slicked back to hide the anxiety of being watched so intensely. 

Tommy’s skin was rough under his own as he got situated on his palm. 

Memories of being held by other (more resentful) humans fought their way through his archives, but he felt oddly soothed for how loud his head was.

Almost immediately after he had settled in the center of Tommy’s hand, gravity shifted and he watched as the world grew further from him. He wasn’t startled (Prime knows he’s been through worse) as his world shifted with each of Tommy’s movements, in fact he was still as at ease as he could be.

The rest of the apartment wasn’t anything special.

 Ahead of them was a kitchen, to the right was the front door, and to the left there were two other closed doors. He couldn’t take the house for anything personalized, so he probably hadn’t been here for longer than a few months. Still, it wasn’t the cleanest thing ever, but he couldn’t expect anything different from a kid Tommy’s age. 

(He’s seen it first-hand from the walls)

(*)

Tommy’s muscle memory kept him from wandering into the kitchen counter as his eyes kept a strong stare onto Wilbur. 

It wasn't anything particularly different than the other times he had talked or even seen a tiny, but even despite how little they've known each other it still felt more personal. Wilbur had been through a lot and Tommy was getting to help him. 

And he’s already cracked the ice, he noted as Wilbur barely reacts when he gently tilts him off of his hand and onto the kitchen island. 

He turns his back to him to search the fridge. 

There was barely anything there, just a cool-lighted wasteland with a few leftovers that he can't remember packaging in the first place.

An egg carton was nestled between two takeout boxes (had he tried organizing?) and it caught his gaze the second look around the fridge. 

“Uhh, we have eggs,” Tommy suggests. 

There's silence for a moment, then, barely distinguished from behind him, “That sounds fine.”

Wilbur sounded distracted, if somehow that was possible.

“Great, because I don’t actually think I can make anything except that,” Tommy deadpans, chuckling to himself at his own joke. He watches Wilbur crack a smile and a quiet laugh on his way to the stove with the egg carton in hand.

He flicks on the dial against the back of the stove, turning it to a medium heat before opening a cabinet to pull out a bowl. 

Tommy follows the routine of whisking the eggs then pouring them in and waiting. For a minute, Tommy’s attention lingers on what’s stood behind him, but he doesn’t voice his curiosity, nor his concern or sociable desires.

He just stands over the stove, watching the eggs, prodding at them with a spatula as they form into something edible. When they’re decidedly done, he sprinkles salt over them and calls it quits. He figures Wilbur won’t be particular about his culinary abilities when his past appetite consisted of chocolate.

The idea makes his head hurt, thinking about how someone so human, even despite their sharp, obvious difference, could be locked away like how Wilbur had been.

Tommy could only imagine how dark it could’ve been—completely isolated from any kind of outside contact and intended to be thrown away, eaten like a piece of candy.

Must have been difficult.

“Pardon?” a small voice from behind him asks, and Tommy tenses. Had he said that out loud? 

Tommy blinks, and suddenly his hand is moving on its own and folding the eggs into themselves to finish the dish.

Prime, he was tired as shit.

He moves to turn the stove off and sets the pan aside on another burner, then opens a cabinet and pulls a plate off of the lower shelf, the ceramic noises like nails on a chalkboard to him. The plate clinks as it’s set down, then Tommy retrieves the pan of eggs and stares at them, long and hard. Not his best work.

Discouragement aside, he pulls a fork out of a drawer and spoons on the helping of eggs onto the plate. Good enough for government work, huh? Wilbur won’t care, anyway.

He takes a fork from a nearby drawer, then spins around, (blinking away the throb in his eyes when the lights hit his face), and sets the plate down on the kitchen island, just a few respectable inches from Wilbur, who stood with his hand on his arm, standing noticeably awkward.

(*)

Food. Actual, real food. Albeit made in no time at all and served by a teenager in a New York apartment, but still something that was an honest, feasible replacement from his past diet.

He stares at it. Tommy’s attention turns away from him, and he still stares at the plate of eggs. 

As Tommy was still distracted pulling up a chair from the other side of the counter, Wilbur steps forward cautiously and crouches down, peeling a small portion off of the eggs and stuffing it in his mouth. He swears to Prime that if Tommy were not nearly staring directly at him, Wilbur very well might have considered melting.

The eggs were not seasoned and they were not slow-cooked, but they were heaven. Were he a functioning member of society, (And assuming he was still very much mentally troubled after certain events), and Tommy was his waiter, he would give it a five out of five. 

Carefully, Wilbur takes another piece off of the egg and gnaws at it, savoring the unadorned flavor with every aspect of his senses. The feeling of rubber, (Almost), which clashes with his usual expectation of soft-then-syrupy, the bland flavor that was absolutely new to him, and the bright yellow color that contrasted with the black that he always just imagined as color. His void always had been a playground for imagination.

“Thank you,” Wilbur says through a mouthful, to which Tommy smiles weakly and sits down—after much delay, as if Tommy could’ve felt as awkward as Wilbur did right now.

Tommy grabs a fork and grabs a tentative bite, then through a mouthful, mumbles: “No problem, mate.” Through the corner of his eye, Wilbur watches Tommy and tries not to snicker at the forced face the blond makes to push through his disapproval of the meal.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, this shit takes like heaven,” he says, smally but still loud enough for Tommy to hear. 

“I think I’ll throw up if I have one more bite of this, It’s completely yours, then,” Tommy says, pushing the plate a little closer to Wilbur for emphasis. Wilbur shifts back on instinct, looking up anxiously at Tommy before calming down. Sorry,” Tommy adds quickly. Wilbur waves him off and takes a smaller piece of egg to chew on absentmindedly.

“The fucking chocolate has been making my teeth rot,” Wilbur says, huffing a bit like it’s a joke. Like one of those things to look back on and laugh at.

Tommy doesn’t seem amused, though. “That sounds awful, man,” he adds. 

“It’s not anymore, ‘cause now someone’s gone and saved me,” Wilbur reassures, gesturing mildly to Tommy.

“You’re welcome!” Tommy says, smiling like a child who’s helped with a chore unprompted. His mood changes are unmatched, Wilbur notes duly.

After that, time passed slowly, and for once, there wasn’t dread that followed. Tommy had cleaned breakfast up, and Wilbur kept the silence away while talking about this and that, until Tommy announced he needed to get groceries for his last couple of weeks in New York. Tommy’s plan was to have Wilbur stay back, but he declined, and instead asked to tag along.

For that reason, he rested carefully on Tommy’s shoulder, back resting against Tommy’s neck, completely vulnerable.The thought of that concerned him; to think about how any one of these people could work for that god-awful facility he was sent to, or any one of them could be holding a borrower captive, or how any of these people could absolutely hate his kind, and here he was, out in the open for any of those people to see. It was worrisome, and that had him tightening the grip of the hem of his sweater. 

Tommy was pleasingly quiet, though, and it was just the two of them listening to music. (Or as much music as he could hear from sitting under the human’s earbud.) 

He would’ve thought it to be harder to stay on someone’s shoulder, but even from the start he was persistent on that spot, only because it would’ve been incredibly difficult for Tommy to reach him without Wilbur noticing first—although he had gotten a little bit on edge when Tommy reached up to fix his hair or adjust his earbud. Sure, the human made him food and had gotten him out of that wretched bag, and had seemed pretty genuine about not eating him, he still wasn’t ready to be hand-held or in his pocket where he couldn't see everything.

Also, it was warmer here. Tommy and his need to linger around chilled foods.

Wilbur looks around, through Tommy’s curls, staring at the variety of foods. They were too far for him to recognize, (Not that he would know any of them by heart, considering he grew up on things he could score on the counter), but it was still so refreshing to see something real.

Suddenly, as his eyes graze over something on a high shelf, someone walks past and locks eyes with him. Wilbur tenses. The lady tenses, stopping abruptly. Unfortunately for him, Tommy also stops to look at something.

The lady gives a curious, almost disgusted look, and Wilbur, not knowing what to do, proceeds to flip her off.

It was not until that motion Wilbur realized he was just caught doing something to absolutely draw attention to himself until he was much too late.

“You!” the lady says, rather loudly—definitely enough for Tommy to turn his attention to her. “Control that thing,” she finishes, a certain type of offensive dripping from her tongue that makes even Tommy tense. Wilbur flinches at her voice, somehow moving closer to Tommy despite being right up against his neck. He crosses his arms, some kind of half-frustrated-half-ready-to-cry feeling washing over him which leaves him stone-faced and unmoving.

Thing. A single word and suddenly he’s back at the factory, being manhandled and thrown into a container with other borrowers, some panicked, some angry, and some oddly accepting. Wilbur was angry, pissed. He had been granted freedom from being cooped up in the walls with nothing to do except get food whenever he ran out. And he finally got a chance to see the world, to walk on pavement made for people his size and be social. And he had, for a week, and then he had made a lucky call when trusting someone and gotten thrown into a bag not a day later, sealed in darkness.

When Tommy had found him, however-long later, he couldn’t say he saw someone with the intent to capture him again. He saw a savior, and maybe that’s why he was so relaxed. Reality felt there again. He felt like he existed, and he didn’t pinch himself every five minutes to check he was really there. His limbs weren’t numb, and he could hum to himself without it feeling like the only thing to do.

Back at the supermarket, blinking his way out of memories, he realizes Tommy hasn’t said anything back, he just scoffs and mutter’s a whispered ‘fucking bitch’, and walks off, right past the woman who murmurs something incoherent to Wilbur. (He still knows it was about him.)

At the very least, Wilbur has walked away from that situation now knowing words can’t hurt anymore in comparison to his situation just barely a few days ago.

“People are awful,” Tommy whispers under his breath.

Wilbur just pats Tommy’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you fucking revenge-seeking or some shit?”

“No. I’m not a child,” Wilbur explains, and Tommy hides his laughter at a low snicker.

“You’re a bitch,” Tommy whispers, turning away immediately at the look he got from a stranger in the aisle. Wilbur laughs whole-heartedly, the sound escaping despite how hard he tried not.

(*)

His head hurts, with thoughts going a mile a fucking minute. The scent of chocolate undoubtedly drifting from Wilbur on his shoulder was making a repetitive thought resurface no matter how much he wanted to shut it up. 

Wilbur smelled appetizing. He knew he would taste even better. 

But he knows he can’t act on his urges because even if swallowing a borrower was safe, he couldn’t. Not for Wilbur, because he just got off a near-death experience, and he can’t fuck up freedom even more for Wilbur by giving him essentially the exact same experience, no matter how reassuring he thought he could be. 

So, instead, he chose comedy over a very real and threatening problem.

(*)

“You reek of chocolate,” Tommy murmurs, opening the door to the apartment and letting it shut loudly behind him. Wilbur flinches, but calms down just as quickly.

“I don’t remember seeing a mini-flat in the, uh, bag,” Wilbur retaliates.

Tommy, playfully, scoffs. “Well, like I think I could fill up a sink or something and you could get the grime off of you,” the blond offers.

Wilbur pauses for a moment. “I guess ..?” he says, slow and uncertain.The idea was more than pleasing, but at the same time, it felt like an awful offer to take up. He would be vulnerable in water, arguably something that he rarely had experience with outside of an unfortunately occasional shower whenever he could score it.

At his approval, Tommy guided the two of them to a bathroom, and carefully drew his hand up to where Wilbur was, not grabbing at him, but letting Wilbur carefully pad is way off of Tommy’s shoulder and onto his laid-out hand, where Wilbur got himself comfortable—while at the same time leaving time to sprint off if he needed to—and waited for Tommy to set him down onto the bathroom counter. 

Shifting over to be in front of the sink, Tommy then pushes something inside the sink down, then pulls both handles to the sink forward, and leaves the flowing water gushing for a few seconds before shutting it off and stepping aside. 

“That water will either be fucking freezing or room-temperature but I can’t exactly change that, so, uhm, just sit through it, I guess,” Tommy says. Wilbur can’t exactly tell if he was apologizing or not, but he appreciated the warning.

“Don’t have much of a choice,” Wilbur shrugs. 

“That’s the spirit!” Tommy laughs, then grabs something off of a shelf, folding it over the counter but letting a corner of it fall into the sink, which Wilbur considers relieving; the sink seemed too deep for his liking.

But, even with the advantage of the towel, he still wasn’t convinced this was something he was looking forward to. From afar, he can feel Tommy’s stare on him. He turns his head that way, and catches Tommy’s strong gaze. Snapping out of some kind of pseudo-trance, Tommy moves closer to him and sets something in the sink.

“I can’t really portion out soap yet, but here’s a spare bar I haven’t opened yet. Should help; you smell so sweet I swear to fuck if you don’t take a bath I’m going swallow you on accident,” Tommy says, yawning. He fucking yawns, meanwhile Wilbur’s whole world halts. He stares up at Tommy, who he had just an hour ago been raving about his trust with.

He had heard Tommy right, no doubt.

“What?” Wilbur asks through his shock. 

Tommy wrinkles his brows, then unwrinkles them as they raise high and his face goes more shocked than Wilbur’s. 

“Oh—nononononono, Wilbur, fuck. Wil, I’m so tired, I fucking—I didn’t mean to say that,” Tommy backtracks immediately. Wilbur can’t say he buys it. “I didn’t fucking— I wasn’t thinking, fuck, I swear to Prime I don’t want to do that, I’d never—” Tommy makes a choked noise and cuts himself off.

Wilbur swallows, unsure of how to respond. Clearly, he has some kind of high-ground here despite being…well, him.

“I–uh,” Wilbur’s voice runs almost dry. “There’s no reason to lie,” Wilbur says. 

Tommy’s face falls. “I’m not lying, I—I didn’t think about what I was saying, I’m a fucking idiot, I am not a..a thinker or whatever the fuck it’s called,” Tommy tries. Still. Persistent motherfucker.

“You’re thinking about that,though,  aren’t you?”

“Uhh….well,” Tommy pauses. “As a joke..obv—obviously, you actually think I’d…want to hurt you like that?”

“Swallowing me isn’t going to hurt me.”

Tommy seemed a little taken-aback by that. “Mentally. It will mentally.” Wilbur shrugs at that, staring into the pool of water that’s gotten a little foamy the longer the soap bar floats around in it. “I, uh, think I’ll go. Put away groceries and shit.”

Wilbur watches intently Tommy pick his pace up and walk past him, (Where Wilbur’s attention was nowhere but Tommy’s hands, which remained eerily still), then out of the bathroom with a solemn click of the door.

And now, Wilbur has been left alone, after a particularly jarring comment that leaves him wondering just how much longer Tommy will go playing the good guy. He did have to be thinking about swallowing him to have said it, accidentally or not. It was an intentional thought. He wasn’t that stupid.

Trying to drive his attention away from his inevitable fate, he turns his attention to the sink. The water’s temperature has probably dropped already, so with slight hesitation, he undresses and finds a way into the sink, (Which in the end was trying-to-inch-his-way-down-then-falling-in), then rests with the feeling of water against him. It was an alien feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. He waved his hand around the soapy water and heard it whoosh around him. That was real. The sink bowl that towered above him was real, and as he touched it, it felt cold and slippery against his touch. 

Wilbur looks up, and the light fixture above him burns into his eyes. That was real. 

He pinches himself. That was real, and he was still alive, through the world of darkness for only a lonely period of his life that’s over now.

—–—

#mw #brickfic #wilbur chocolate au #cw vore mention #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #dsmp g/t #dsmp gt #dream smp g/t #dream smp gt #t!wilbur #tiny!wilbur #g!tommy #giant!tommy #WOOHOOoo!!!!! eight months later ^_^ #thanks for breaking 100 notes on the other 2 chapters btw !! i am so hype about that :D

[vexic929]

For the headcanons for an AU, one where Zoom breaking Barry's back has some more lasting consequences?

oooooh absolutely!!!

first of all it takes way more than a pep talk and a couple days to get Barry back on his feet, I know he has super healing but we're talking a potential spinal cord injury here which is significantly worse than a broken bone, so Barry's in EoWells' wheelchair for an extended period of time which has to have it's own trauma since it's something of a representation of EoWells

getting into the science part of it, on a normal human a spinal cord injury can range from taking ~3 months to heal to being completely irreparable depending on the severity and how it's treated, usually with PT, OT, and/or orthotic intervention - judging by Barry's original recovery time I'd guess he probably had a less severe injury but that's no fun so for more lasting consequences I'm gonna say his injury in this AU is probably irreparable on a normal human

stem cell therapy and electrical stimulation are newer options for spinal cord recovery but I'm also going to say, due to his specific metahuman biology, stem cell therapy isn't going to be particularly effective, I definitely think Caitlin would try this though (and then Barry just gets more frustrated when it doesn't work)

meanwhile Harry and Cisco still manage to rescue Caitlin and get Grodd through a breach so at the very least they've got that bit handled

so now we have Barry several weeks in absolutely vibrating with frustration and nervous energy and probably horrifically depressed because Central City NEEDS The Flash and it feels like Zoom has actually broken him for good (and also Patty has to find out he's paralyzed at some point which DEFINITELY proves to her that he's The Flash because EVERYBODY saw Zoom take him down)

Barry makes progress ｓｌｏｗｌｙ but the moment he can KIND OF run he decides that's all he needs to start heroing again, this turns out to be a bad call and he probably ends up hurting himself further much to both his and Caitlin's irritation - he still manages to stop Turtle tho and Harry still kills Turtle but now Harry has a problem because Barry hurt himself again and can't run so his plan to steal some of Barry's speed and get Jesse back is in jeopardy

Caitlin and Cisco design an orthotic brace that Barry can wear in his Flash suit if he's gonna keep being stupid about it and Barry runs enough to get Harry the bit of speed he needs, Barry is too slow to save Iris from being stabbed by that rogue flying car part but he FULLY blames himself for pushing himself too hard and doesn't suspect Harry's involvement at all

I'm actually unsure if he'd go to Earth-2 without Caitlin, I think Caitlin would insist on him either staying or her coming with them as his doctor to make sure he doesn't completely ruin all of their progress in this case

#I got a bit carried away lol #vexic no you do not need to write this as a full fic stop- #fezwearingjellybananas #vexic answers #vexic lives

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

#switching #fronting #frontstuck #leaving the front #specutien

[warrior-cats-rewritten]

Oooooh could you tell us more about Moth/Leaf/Crow in your rewrite

Mothwing/Leafpool/Crowfeather

This trio! The world's most inconvenient polycule!

Leafpool is given the go-ahead by Bramblestar after Crowfeather shows himself at the border. He figures that Leafpool has done so much for the Clans, she deserves this. Crowfeather wants to be a part of Thunderclan, and after losing a large chunk of cats to The Great Battle and The Great Storm... They let him join.

Besides, is Starclan REALLY gonna try to punish Leafpool? The cat who discovered the Moonpool?

Yes, actually. They did. Moon Flight was FURIOUS.

But that's a story for another day.

Mothwing is having a pretty rotten time in Riverclan. She loves fish (and girl can make a MEAN Salmon Bun) and she loves her family, but Riverclan's general lifestyle (and political atmosphere) do not suit her. Where Hawkfrost is focused on staying out of the spotlight and under radars, and Tadpole is actively working to push things in a different direction, Mothwing's philosophy is "if it sucks, HIT DA BRICKZ"

Which she finally does, during TBC. Mistystar doesn't get the satisfaction of exiling her, Mothwing leaves before she can officially say it.

Thunderclan's atmosphere however, is even worse. Crowfeather got himself Dishonor Titled for simply talking about his dead mother to help another cat suffering with grief. Bramblestar having renamed him Lostfeather. A missing feather that doesn't seem to know its place. A drifting feather that will guide youth (his apprentice) astray.

Yeah... No thanks. Leafpool is wonderful, and their adventure together during Squirrelflight's Freedom was downright magical... But that is not worth it. Skyclan is staying neutral and rabbit makes Mothwing feel gross... Shadowclan ain't so bad, right?

Her strong bond with Leafpool stays strong throughout the books, the two openly affectionate with one another. She loves how quietly strong Leafpool is, how selfless she has been, and just how protective Leafpool is of her loved ones.

On Crowfeather's side of things, he leaves Windclan after The Last Hope, as a storm gathers on the horizon, he finally departs from the Clan he didn't want to stay in and joins Thunderclan, becoming Leafpool's mate and doing his best to bond with his children to varying degrees of success.

Lionblaze was a wee bit too busy at first, with Cinderheart going into a false labour making him the world's Most Anxious Man. Doesn't help that Crowf just... Cannot do labor. He is the man who faints moments after telling you to take deep breaths.

Jayfeather was in a depressive spell and didn't want to speak with anyone, especially after the death of Whitewing. He... really beat himself up about it.

Well... At least Hollyleaf made a joke about them being good night hunters thanks to their dark coats.

He is trying his best, and they do come around. He reassures Lionblaze that he'll be a great dad, helps Jay with his depression management and PTSD, and supports all of Hollyleaf's ambitions. (He also makes an effort to be good with Breezey-P.)

He isn't in love with Mothwing, and Mothwing isn't in love with him, they both love Leafpool, and they are good friends. He continuously works hard to be the best mate he can be to Leafpool, with gifts, assistance whenever it can be given, as well as lots of nice massages after a long day of medical work.

Now, on for the third member of our trio:

Leafpool! Now SAVED from a pathetic death and getting to stay alive during the chaotic events of TBC. She is also Dishonor Titled, given the name Mothpuddle. It's a strange name, one that sends a very clear message to her that "Bramblestar" knows something he shouldn't.

More on that later. She and Mothwing were also strongly bonding during The Great Journey, and she debated asking Mothwing to run away with her, only deciding against it because Riverclan didn't have another Medicine Cat, and it wouldn't have been fair to make Moth decides between her beloved career and a life out in the sticks.

She loves Crowfeather for his passion, his wit, and his soft side that emerged while they traveled together through the mountains. She loves Mothwing for her ingenuity, her grace, and her ability to take charge when needs be.

It helps that they love her kids. Mothwing gets along beautifully with The Three, especially Jayfeather.

They finally get together during Dark Times/ASC's ending, when Mothwing leaves Riverclan once and for all to enjoy a peaceful life in Thunderclan. The Clans are about to enter a very tumultuous time, with Skyclan being leaderless, Thunderclan and Windclan's new leaders not having their 9 lives, while Riverclan and Shadowclan's new leaders having been given a dark blessing off of gray wings.

#mothwing #leafpool #crowfeather #crowfeather x leafpool x mothwing #warrior cats #warrior cats rewrite #wcr #warriors #asks #relationship page

[trashyswitch]

Crudity At Its Finest

Mario is famous for making dark jokes and dirty jokes in front of Luigi. And while Luigi enjoys them once in a while, he is nervous that Mario's gonna make crude mistakes he can't take back. One day...Mario says a dirty joke to the most innocent person they know...And Luigi is horrified.

⚠️Trigger Warning: Some crude humor is used in this fanfic.⚠️

And if the Nintendo characters seem very out-of-character in this one, then I apologize. This fanfic was just a funny idea I've had in my head for some time. Despite that, I hope you enjoy!

Ever since the boys were little, Mario and Luigi were somewhat opposites in many ways. Luigi was more like his mother, while Mario was more like his father. Luigi was more timid and shy, while Mario was outspoken and assertive. Luigi was more careful, while Mario was more reckless. Mario fit in with the rest of the boys, while Luigi seemed to prefer being part of the girls group. The list really goes on with these two. 

Another rather lesser-known example of these contrasting differences? Their maturity. Mario was more playful and immature, while Luigi was a bit more mature in his thinking. Or…at least when it comes to dirty jokes or dark jokes. 

It usually went like this: Mario tells a dirty/dark joke, Luigi usually gives him a warning while trying not to laugh at the joke himself. Mario catches him laughing and teases him about it, Luigi rolls his eyes and they continue on with life. Though Luigi does enjoy the occasional dark or dirty joke, there had to be a limit and unfortunately, Mario was the master of pushing Luigi past his limit. 

Luigi could remember a time when Mario had made several dark jokes in front of him while they were just casually hanging out at the house. Luigi was sitting in the room, watching TV while Mario was looking at something on his phone. Luigi didn’t really know what Mario had been looking up. So when Mario had turned his head towards him, he expected Mario to say something casual or ask a question. 

“Hey Luigi.” Mario said. 

“Yeah, Mario?” Luigi replied. 

“What did Kermit say at Jim Henson’s funeral?” Mario asked. 

Luigi looked down slightly, trying to think. “I don’t know. Probably something heartfelt.” Luigi replied. 

Mario smirked. “Actually…” Mario sighed. “Kermit said nothing…” Mario replied, keeping the smirk on his face as he waited for Luigi to understand the joke. 

Luigi looked at Mario, confused. “Why wouldn’t he say anything at the-” Luigi widened his eyes and gasped as he covered his mouth. “OH NOOO!” Luigi shouted, visibly horrified. 

Mario wheezed and laughed. Luigi’s reaction alone was enough to make a person die laughing. “Thahat took a bit! I’m surprised!” Mario reacted. 

Luigi looked down, embarrassed. “That one’s depressing, Mario.” Luigi admitted. 

“Okay, okay.” Mario cleared his throat. “My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.” Mario told him. 

Luigi looked at him. “...Well, he’s not wrong.” Luigi admitted. 

Mario chuckled. “I called him a hypocrite and uhunplugged his lihihiFE SUPPOHOHORT!” Mario bursted out laughing mid-sentence, slapping the side of the bed as he cackled. 

Luigi dropped his jaw and stared at him, dumbfounded. “I-I- NO!” Luigi shouted. “JUST NO!” 

Mario shook his head and put his index finger up to get Luigi to give him a minute. “IHIHI’M SOHOHORRY! IHIHI’M SOHORRY, Hohold on…” Mario let out a few breaths as he calmed himself down rather quickly. “Here’s a more light-hearted one for you.” Mario cleared his throat. “Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face.” Mario said. 

“Oh gosh, I know where this is going.” Luigi replied as a little smile grew onto his face.  

“For instance, when you push them down the stairs!” Mario declared. 

Luigi hung his head and laughed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Gohohod dahahammit.” Luigi laughed a bit louder, tipping his head back. “Yohohou’re not wrohong.” Luigi admitted. 

Mario smirked and highlighted another dark joke on his phone. “You know the phrase ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’?” Mario asked with a smirk. 

“Uh huh…I do.” Luigi said with a small smile. 

“Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted!” Mario declared. 

Luigi gasped and covered his mouth so he could stop the stupid, inappropriate smile that was growing on his lips. “NOOO! Dude, that’s horrible!” Luigi reacted. 

“Don’t be acting like I didn’t see that smile. You liked it.” Mario teased. 

“N-No I didn’t!” Luigi argued very unconvincingly. 

“Come on…” Mario poked his side as a smirk quickly grew on his face. “Dirty jokes are like a kid with CANCER! THEHEHEHEHEY NEHEVER GET OHOHOLD!” Mario declared, cackling almost like a madman by this point. 

Luigi eyebrows made the man look visibly worried…but don’t let that convince you he was truly so offended by his brother’s jokes. Because the smile that grew on his face told Mario everything he needed to know…Because no matter how dark the jokes are, and no matter how much Luigi wants to deny it, a few of those jokes had successfully made him laugh. 

Though dark jokes were wonderfully hilarious, Mario was best known for his inappropriate timing on dirty jokes. Back in high school, Mario said the words ‘That’s what she said’ more often than he said the word ‘The’. It both horrified, and amused Luigi all at once. 

But there was one specific time Luigi could easily recall, when Mario had watched a dirty joke on a video on his phone screen. Thankfully, it was just the two of them in the house…cause if Mama Mario had heard such things on Mario’s phone while in her house, she would’ve definitely used the pasta server on him. 

Mario had been going through youtube videos, and happened to come across this specific video. It was of a girl with brown hair, wearing a darker outfit while talking to the viewer. Luigi happened to look over just in time to see the video pop up to play. She said the following: 

“If you can’t beat your trauma, you should fetishize it instead. For example, I almost drowned when I was a kid, and now I can only c*m when I am being waterboarded.” 

Luigi dropped his jaw and stared at Mario’s phone. But he quickly looked at Mario the moment he heard a little titter coming from his mouth. 

“Don’t…” Luigi warned. 

Mario was holding his breath, trying to not laugh. He seemed to take on Luigi’s order like a challenge. “Pfft…” Mario accidentally let out, covering his mouth. 

“MARIO, NO.” Luigi warned again. 

Mario kept staring at Luigi with chipmunk cheeks and the most mischievous look in his eyes you could ever see. 

“Mario.” Luigi warned again. 

“Pffft-” 

“MARIO.” 

“Pffftahahaha-” Mario threw his head back. “HAHAHAHAHA!” Mario cackled, flopping his back onto the bed. 

Luigi sighed and covered his face, both annoyed and disappointed by his brother’s inappropriate humor. “You are awful at hiding your amusement.” Luigi muttered. Mario had started snorting by this point. “Ihihi *snort* Ihihihi knohohow.” Mario admitted. 

Luigi shook his head before smiling and chuckling a bit himself. The truth was, he didn’t mind dirty jokes either. Some of them were funny. So technically, it wasn’t just Mario that had this humor. Luigi, and the person on the video, all had the same humor as Mario. 

But the first time Peach would hear one of Mario’s dirty jokes…was a time Luigi will never forget. 

Mario and Luigi had been hanging out with Peach on the porch of her castle, just chatting. 

“What’s your favorite drink?” Mario asked Peach. 

Peach smiled. “Homemade pineapple juice.” she replied. 

Luigi nodded his head. “I can just imagine how cool and savory a homemade pineapple juice would be.” Luigi admitted. “Not a lot of juices in Brooklyn are really made from true fruits.” Luigi explained. 

Mario shrugged his shoulders. “Well, they are. But they’re filled with endless amounts of sugar.” Mario added. 

Peach huffed. “But that ruins the true taste!” Peach reacted. “So you’ve never tried a true, savory pineapple juice?!” Peach asked. 

Mario and Luigi shook their heads. “Nope.” They both replied at the same time…ya know, like twins do. 

Peach sighed. “You’re not leaving this castle until you’ve tried some.” Peach told them. 

Mario shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.” 

Luigi smiled and took a sip of his own drink. “I like orange soda.” Luigi admitted. 

Mario rolled his eyes. “Too much. The dude could drink a full case of orange soda if he was alone.” Mario added. 

Peach looked at Luigi. “What is orange soda?” Peach asked. 

“It’s like a Chuckola soda, but orange-flavored.” Luigi told him. 

Peach chuckled. “Do you have to make the oranges laugh to get the sparkly bubbles?” Peach asked with a giggle. 

Luigi blinked, showing a confused look on his face. He tilted his head, still staring at Peach. “Wha-” 

Mario looked at Peach. “What are you talking about?” He asked. 

Peach widened her eyes. “Oh! You don’t know how Chuckola Cola is made?” She asked. 

“Th-” Luigi lowered his head, dumbfounded. “They make the fruits laugh…in order to get sparkling bubbles?” Luigi asked. 

Peach nodded. “Yeah.” She replied. “I know it probably sounds confusing because…you don’t have anything like that in Brooklyn.” She replied. 

“Does it involve using grabon?” Mario asked, sounding super casual about it. 

Luigi tilted his head and looked at Mario, before widening his eyes and rubbing his forehead. Oh no…This is another one of his stupid dirty jokes…and he was seriously going to use the trick on Peach. 

Peach looked at Mario and tilted her own head, confused. “G-Grabon?” She asked. 

Mario smirked brightly and pointed at Peach. “GRAB ON THESE NUTS, GIRL!” Mario shouted, cackling loudly. 

Luigi sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Mario…” Luigi mumbled. 

Peach just stared at Mario…purely dumbfounded by Mario’s statement. “...N-Nuts?” Peach asked. 

Mario’s laughter lessened super dramatically…before looking at Peach with shock. “W-Wait…You don’t…” Mario paused his words. 

Peach raised an eyebrow. “I…Which nuts are you talking about?” Peach asked. “And who in the right mind adds nuts to their chuckola cola?!” Peach asked, sounding almost offended.  

Mario tittered and covered his mouth. “Yohohou seheriously have no idea what I’m talking about…” Mario clarified. 

Peach blinked. “...Am I supposed to?” Peach asked him. 

Mario wheezed and doubled over, laughing even more when he saw Peach’s stupefied face. “OHOHOHO MYHYHY GOHOHOD!” Mario shouted. 

Peach frowned and narrowed her eyes at Mario. “I don’t like being kept in the dark.” Peach told Mario. 

Luigi bit his lip and scratched the back of his head. “I…I can explain it to you if you want…” Luigi offered. 

Mario snapped his neck moving it to see Luigi. “AHARE YOU-” Mario cleared his throat and smirked. “I wanna see this. I wanna see you give Peach ‘the talk’.” Mario teased. 

“Well…for one, it was a dirty joke. You see…” the man started. 

Luigi took a bit of time to explain what the penis was, and what the scrotum, the testicles, and the rest of the male reproductive anatomy was supposed to be called. He did his best considering he lacked a chart..but thankfully, it seemed like Peach was understanding it. Actually…she weirdly seemed invested in the conversation. And…seeing Peach able to handle such subjects, actually helped Luigi in explaining the explicit subject. 

���So…Another phrase guys like to use to represent the scrotum and the testacles themselves, is…‘nuts’.” Luigi said. 

Peach nodded her head. “Wait…So…” Peach pointed to Mario. “You said…Grab on these-” Peach gasped and covered her mouth. “I GET IT!” Peach reacted, clapping her hands like a child. “I get it! I understand my first dirty joke!” Peach reacted. “And as much as I would love to…” She looked at her nails. "I can't. But thanks for the offer~" Peach teased rather inappropriately, looking towards Mario out of the corner of her eye with a proud smirk on her face. 

Mario choked on his drink and wiped his face with his sleeve. WHAT?! DID SHE JUST SAY THAT?! 

Luigi couldn’t help the laugh that left his own mouth as he heard Peach. “Wohohow! I’m surprised at you, Princess!” Luigi reacted as he glanced over at Mario. “Not such an innocent princess now, huh-” Luigi teased, pausing his words part way to titter and giggle at Mario’s face. 

Mario was looking down, using his hat bill to cover up his bright red face! Mario looked like he was ready to burst from embarrassment! “I’m…I’m sorry.” Mario muttered. “That’s not…” 

Peach smirked. “What’s wrong, Mario? Didn’t expect such an answer from a SwEeT, iNnOcEnT Princess?” She teased before lifting up his hat slightly to properly see his face. Mario awkwardly looked up at Peach, looking like a super flustered, awkward guy whose joke had severely backfired. 

Which…That IS what happened. His joke backfired, and now THEE Princess Peach, was making dirty jokes back at him! And IT WAS WORKING!

Luigi was laughing his head off, loving every moment of this. “This is the best revenge I could ever ask for.” Luigi admitted. 

Peach looked at Luigi. “What do you mean?” She asked. 

Luigi laughed. “He’s been making dirty jokes and dark jokes ever since we were able to understand them.” Luigi told her. “So much so that it’s beginning to drive me a little insane.” Luigi admitted. 

Peach giggled and looked at Mario. “Since he’s now bashful and embarrassed…” Peach flicked the brim of Mario’s hat up and out of the way of Mr. Shy’s face before looking at Luigi. “Would I be allowed to put him in his place?” Peach asked the green man. 

Luigi chuckled. “Yeah, go ahead! You don’t have to ask me.” Luigi told her. “If you wanna tease him or put him in his place, go ahead and do it.” Luigi told her. 

Peach nodded and started tickling his sides and belly, before moving up to his ribs. “I think some tickles are in order.” Peach declared. 

Mario squeaked and started wiggling around, giggling and laughing underneath her. “WAHAHAhahahaha! EEEHEHEEEK! PEHEHeheheach!” Mario laughed. 

“Yeeeess, potty mouth?” Peach teased. 

“Hehehehehe- NAHAHA!” Mario threw his head back as his armpits were attacked next. “HAHAHAHA- STAHAHAHAP!” Mario laughed, squeezing his arms shut. 

Peach giggled. “And why would I stop tickling you, when you couldn’t even stop yourself from making those jokes?” Peach teased. 

“BUHUHUT THEYHYHY’RE FUNNYHYHYHYHY!” Mario argued. “I don’t know…I’d argue that tickling people is more funny than dirty jokes.” Peach teased. 

Mario shook his head. “NOHOHO IHIHIT’S NOHOT! NOHOHOT FOHOHOR MEHEHE!” Mario argued. 

“Oh really~?” Peach asked. She looked over at Luigi. “Luigi, what’s more funny to you?” Peach started. “Dirty jokes? Or your brother getting tickled?” She asked next.

Luigi giggled. “Honestly, you tickling my brother is a lot more funny than any of his dirty jokes.” Luigi admitted. 

Peach smirked and looked down at Mario. “Well, would you listen to that? Luigi thinks I’m more funny than you.” Peach teased, poking up and down his ribs. 

“LUIHIHIGIHIHI!” Mario cackled, before attempting to push Peach away. “HEHEHELP MEHEHEHE!” Mario begged. 

Luigi smirked. “Oh? You want me…to help you?” Luigi asked. 

“YEHES PLEHEHEASE! HEHEHELP MEHEHE PLEHEHEASE!” Mario pleaded. 

Luigi chuckled and took off his gloves, placing them onto the chair. “Okay…” Luigi picked up Mario’s hands and lifted them above his head. “You asked for it!” Luigi declared. 

“Oh, how wonderful! Thank you, Luigi!” Peach reacted, before taking Mario’s hat and placing it on her own head. “There. Now I dawn the hat of heroes!” She declared. 

Mario was breathing somewhat heavily and trying —but failing— to cover up his flustered face. “Ihi’m…I’m sorry…I didn’t knohow thahat yohohou…” Mario admitted. 

Luigi shook his head. “Just because I said tickling you is more fun, doesn’t mean I want you to stop making those jokes.” Luigi told him. 

Peach booped his belly. “You laugh funny.” Peach admitted. 

Mario snorted and grew a wobbly smile. “Staaahahap.” Mario mumbled. 

Luigi chuckled. “Just wait till he snorts. Now THAT’S funny.” Luigi told her. 

Peach gasped and put her hands together. “He SNORTS?!” Peach reacted. 

Luigi laughed. “You bet!” Luigi replied. 

“LUIGI!” Mario whined, frowning as he pulled on his arms and attempted to cover up his face. 

“A lot? Or a little?” Peach asked next. 

Luigi smirked as he saw Mario’s glare. “Don’t.” Mario warned, narrowing his eyes at him. “A lot.” Luigi replied proudly. “LUIGIBASTARDO-” 

Luigi yelped and started tickling his neck. “Watch your mouth, fratello!” Luigi warned. 

Mario’s words paused rather abruptly. “eeeEEK- NOhohohoho! *snort* EEheeheeheheee!” Mario reacted, letting out high-pitched giggles. 

Peach gasped and quickly started tickling Mario’s armpits again. “AGAIN! AGAIN!” Peach declared. 

“WAAAHAHAHAHAHA! *snort* NAHAHA- *snort* HAHAHAHAHA-!” Mario cackled loudly, shaking his head left and right and throwing it back occasionally to laugh even more. 

“Now hohold on, Peach.” Luigi let go of Mario’s hand to lift up Peach’s right hand. 

While Mario took advantage and desperately covered up both his armpits with the one arm, Luigi managed to successfully stop Peach from killing his brother. “You don’t have to tickle him so much.” Luigi let her know. “Who taught you how to tickle?” Luigi asked. 

Peach bit her lip. “I’m sorry.” Peach admitted.

Luigi smiled a bit. “It’s okay. But for the future…” Luigi placed Peach’s hand onto Mario’s belly very softly. “You just have to tickle him softly.” Luigi told her. “Watch me.” 

Luigi took his time teaching Peach how to gently tickle Mario using very strategic, slow finger-wiggles. He did this by showing Peach his own wiggling fingers against Mario’s neck. Peach could immediately notice how it didn’t take much for Mario’s snorts to come out, despite being tickled a lot softer than before. 

When Peach understood what to do, she began to mimic Luigi’s finger wiggles almost perfectly, making Mario giggle and snort a little more in the process. “Yeah! Yeah, there you go!” Luigi reacted, stopping his own fingers as he watched her. “See?” Luigi shrugged his shoulders. “Tickling is more fun when you’re softer with your touches.” Luigi told her. 

It was almost like Peach had been opened up to a whole new side of tickling. She smiled rather eagerly as she kept going, making sure not to overdo it or underdo it. It was amazing! And she loved hearing his snorts! But…one thing Peach couldn’t help but notice…was how happy and comfortable Mario seemed to be, compared to before. While seeing Mario hysterical was okay too, seeing Mario all giggly from a few finger flicks, was even better! 

It was almost…cute. N-Not that Mario was cute or anything…Well, he is…but…

Peach had to push her confusing thoughts down to properly focus on what she was doing. Because trying to tickle the way Luigi had taught her, was still abnormal and new to her. She’ll need lots more practice in order for her to multitask. 

But there was one thing she knew for sure: If someone says stop 3 times or taps out, then it’s time to stop and give them a break. That was ingrained into her brain her whole life. And frankly…it was good advice…especially given her track record of giving people rough tickles. 

Here is the video I was referencing for the middle story.

#dirty jokes #dark comedy #funny #brotherly love #brotherly affection #dick jokes #joke backfired #ticklefic #ler!peach #ler!luigi #lee!mario #fluff #shitpost

[dirty-bear-rick-sanchez]

Fractal Dust

Time for more porn! Rickcest this time. I’ve been sitting on this one for a while trying to work up the courage to post it (it was actually the first RnM fic I wrote but I didn’t want to jump straight into posting my fic with smut lmao). I’m planning for it to be a part of a series of Rickcest oneshots (currently I also have a C-137/Doofus Rick fic I need to iron out, as well as another one that… didn’t end up having any actual sex in it so might end up not being part of this series lol).

Summary: Rick goes to the newly-built Citadel, where he meets another Rick in a bar and they hook up. ~2k words. As always with my explicit fic, minors please DNI! Warnings for drug/alcohol use and sex to cope with negative thoughts (i.e. Prime and what he did).

Details: fairly vanilla, just a blowjob. There are elements of things like hair-pulling, praise kink, sexual shaming, but they’re all very light. However, there is a little bit of hesitancy and brief discussion about whether or not Rickcest/selfcest is incest (it’s not), so if that squicks you out too much I would avoid this, but it is very brief and not heavy.

Rick walks through the newly-built Citadel, tuning out the ramblings of the Rick who has been assigned to be his guide. Rick doesn’t particularly care what the other Rick has to say, since he’s confident that the systems he designed and helped put into place will detect the guy he’s looking for if he ever comes near this place, which is the only thing he cares about. Despite all this, Rick knows this is an impossible task, that no one will be able to find this guy. Still, at least this way he has others looking as well, and his agreement to stop killing other Ricks means that other Ricks will no longer be trying to kill him. 

This train of thought depresses Rick, and he reaches for his flask to block it out, only to find barely a trickle of liquid left inside.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s great. Listen, is there anywhere a guy can get a drink ‘round here?” he interrupts the other Rick, expecting an equally surly response. Instead, the other Rick laughs.

“Dude, this is the Citadel of Ricks. You think there’s gonna be a shortage of bars?”

“Fine, let’s go.”

The other Rick makes some sort of snarky reply that Rick ignores, choosing instead to follow his guide to, presumably, a bar.

They arrive at an establishment advertising itself as ‘Rick’s Cafe’, which Rick’s brain vaguely registers as some sort of exceptionally uncreative movie reference, but this thought is pushed aside in favour of the much more important recognition that this ‘cafe’ serves alcohol. Rick orders and downs a whiskey, and is halfway through his second one before he hears a voice - not from the guide on his left, but from a stranger on his right.

“Rough day, huh?”

Rick keeps drinking, flicking his eyes to the side to see another Rick - obviously - albeit one slightly more muscular than average, wearing an oil-stained boiler suit. Rick pointedly ignores him and goes to order another drink before being interrupted.

“Hey, it’s on me.” the other Rick offers.

Rick shrugs. “Be my guest.”

He’s numb enough that he doesn’t realise what the other Rick ordered until it’s placed in front of him, a huge and sweet-smelling explosion of colour with what appears to be half a fruit salad as a garnish. He’s mildly surprised, but alcohol is alcohol.

“Uh, thanks, man.” he says awkwardly, finding the straw amongst the mass of fruit as quickly as he can.

“You look like you need it. And hey, consider it thanks for not trying to kill me.”

Panicked thoughts shoot through Rick’s mind before he realises that this Rick is just referring to the truce he’d made with the Council. He shrugs again.

“As long as you’re not the Rick who killed my family, you’re off the hook.”

Suddenly, he feels the touch of a hand on his and just barely manages to stop himself flinching. He turns to see the other Rick staring at him with something genuine in his eyes.

“I hope you find him.”

“Y-yeah, uh,” Rick pulls his hand back. “Me too.”

Rick continues drinking, pausing occasionally to stir the cocktail with his straw and watch the colours swirl and mix. As he’s staring, a hand comes across and steals a strawberry from the top of the glass. He follows the motion with his eyes to see the other Rick smirking.

“I paid for it, didn’t I?” the other Rick speaks teasingly, edging his tongue out slowly and much further than necessary to eat the fruit. Rick feels a strange but familiar glow in his stomach, and he can’t decide if it’s good or bad. The other Rick leans in closer and whispers.

“Hey, I’ve got a room upstairs and I just got some fractal dust if you wanna come with.” he leans back and drains his glass before walking off, pausing to glance back at Rick before he rounds the corner.

“Eh, fuck it.” Rick finishes his drink and follows. He knows the other Rick is flirting, but he could really do with something stronger to take his mind off things. Besides, this isn’t the worst thing he’s done for a high. 

The other Rick is waiting at the end of the hallway by a lift. The doors open, revealing it to be empty, and he pulls Rick inside by the front of his lab coat. As the doors slide shut, the other Rick presses his mouth to Rick’s, his tongue pressing against his lips, trying to find its way in. Rick guesses he’s committed now and opens his mouth, tasting the strawberry his other self had eaten a moment earlier, its sweetness quickly overpowered by the much stronger taste of alcohol. The other Rick’s mouth is warm and soft, and Rick finds it easy to look past the fact that this is another version of himself. 

The spell is broken by the ding indicating they’ve arrived at the correct floor, and Rick allows himself to be led to room 420.

“Heh, nice.” he mutters, just a beat off from the other Rick, and they both snicker.

The other Rick opens the door and Rick follows behind him.

“Make yourself comfortable.” 

Rick obeys, sinking down onto the bed as the other Rick rummages through drawers, before turning around with the promised drug in the crook of his hand. Rick takes the offered hand and snorts the fractal dust, feeling his mind finally start to cloud satisfactorily. The negative thoughts are vaguely present, but any complicated thought is difficult to access without concerted effort, so Rick is content to leave it alone. The other Rick snorts his own portion, and Rick sees his face relax into what must be the same expression as his own. He wonders whether he should carry on with the hook-up or not, but he’s cut off by the feeling of lips pressed against his. Any thoughts of hesitancy are quickly washed away by the wave of pleasure brought on by the combination of the kiss and the high.

As the other Rick pulls back, Rick feels a hot rush of blood to his crotch and is reminded of another pleasurable effect of fractal dust. The other Rick is practically sitting on his lap, so he notices too, and makes no attempt at hiding it, looking down at Rick’s groin and then back up to his face with a devilish grin.

“You want to do this, then?”

“Well, y-yeah, but is this… incest?” 

Even through the haze of the drug, Rick feels embarrassed to be asking this question, but he’s still conflicted on how he feels about fucking himself. The other Rick glances away and exhales a laugh. 

“Oh, wow, you really haven’t done this before, have you?”

“Well, I spent the past couple decades killing every Rick I saw, so what do you think?” Rick snaps defensively.

The other Rick raises his hands in surrender and gives another half-laugh, half-exhale. 

“Whoa, whoa, hey, it’s OK.” He leans forward, placing one hand on Rick’s thigh and resting the other on his cheek. “Just means I’ll be extra-gentle.”

He strokes his thumb over Rick’s face and tenderly, almost chastely, kisses his lips.

“And to answer your question, no. Just think of it like masturbating, with extra steps.”

He presses his lips to Rick’s again, harder this time, and runs a hand through his hair, tugging it ever so slightly in the way that Rick likes. He shifts position and Rick can feel that he’s hard too, his erection pressing into Rick’s thigh.

The other Rick pulls Rick’s hair again, harder this time, and Rick moans softly. Barely pulling back from the kiss, the other Rick mutters.

“Do you want me to go down on you?”

Rick nods in reply, and the other Rick smirks.

“What was that?”

“Yes.” Rick almost whimpers.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. Please.” Rick begs, ashamed and horny and desperate.

“Good boy.” the other Rick whispers into his ear, then moves to kiss his neck as his hands work to undo Rick’s trousers. Rick moans again, louder this time, realising the benefits of fucking someone who knows from firsthand experience exactly what turns you on.

The other Rick moves his head down between Rick’s thighs and, for a moment, Rick is struck by the novelty of seeing his own head from an angle he’d never seen it from before. He thinks of prior encounters with Diane, Unity, Mr Nimbus, and many others, and realises that they’d seen him in this exact position before. He only has a split second to process how hot he finds this before the other Rick kisses and then gently bites his inner thigh, just hard enough to be felt, but nowhere near enough to hurt. An involuntary gasp tears itself from Rick’s throat and the other Rick looks up at him and grins.

“Jesus, Rick, I haven’t even touched your dick yet and you’re ready to blow.”

“Sh-shut up.”

“All this time, the Council have been desperate to stop C-137, but all they needed was to pull your hair and suck your dick and you’d have done whatever they wanted, wouldn’t you? You little slut.”

Rick knows he’s blushing furiously but all he can think about is how turned on he is and how badly he needs a release and his hand moves towards his dick without him even realising.

The other Rick grabs his hand away and guides it to his own hair.

“Hey, if I’m doing this for you, you could at least do something for me.” 

Rick’s fingers tangle into his other self’s hair obligingly, and he hears the strange sound of his own moan of pleasure coming from someone else’s throat. Before he has a chance to decide if it makes him feel turned on or self-conscious or both, the other Rick places his lips on the end of his dick and just holds them there, no sucking, no tongue. Even this sensation is almost enough to make him cum, and he blushes harder as he remembers the other Rick’s teasing from a minute ago. After what feels like eternity, he can’t take it anymore.

“Please.” he whines, barely able to speak.

“Please what?” taunts the other Rick, not moving his mouth from its current position, and the breathy vibrations against the head of his penis make Rick feel like he’s about to pass out with the need for more.

“Please… please suck my dick.” Rick manages, the words dragging themselves out of his lips through ragged breaths.

“Well, since you asked so nicely~” the other Rick simpers, Rick once again crying out pathetically from the feeling of his breath. His whimper turns into a yell he couldn’t stop if he wanted to once the other Rick actually follows through and starts sucking. 

In one moment, Rick is hyper-aware of every little sensation: the air on his skin, the soft cotton bedsheets on his bare ass, the tickle of the other Rick’s hair on his thighs; in the next, all he can feel is the hot pleasure pulsing through his dick, the other Rick’s mouth sucking and tongue swiping, and he forgets that there’s anything else in the whole universe other than the waves of pleasure coursing through him. 

All too soon, Rick loses control, feeling as if he might black out from the intensity of the orgasm surging through his entire body. He falls back onto the bed like a puppet whose strings have been cut, panting and gasping. The other Rick stands up, Rick’s cum dribbling from his mouth. He goes in for a final kiss, making Rick taste and swallow some of his own semen. The other Rick pulls back slightly but remains just a few inches away from Rick’s face, both of them still breathing heavily.

“Thank you.” Rick pants, and a small part of him cringes, but it’s quickly blocked by the drugs and the post-orgasmic bliss. Thankfully, the other Rick doesn’t seem to mind, simply chuckling and pressing a kiss to Rick’s head.

“Good boy.” he mumbles into Rick’s hair.

Rick knows he should reciprocate, but the heavy weight of the fractal dust and the deepest relaxation he’s felt in days drags him down into irresistible sleep. 

#rick and morty #rnm #rick sanchez #rickcest #selfcest #rick and morty fanfic #rnm fanfic #my fic #my writing

[garoumylove]

Golden Hour Part 14

It’s here! The very very steamy and very very 🔞smutty🔞 part of my domestic fluff ♥️GarouxReader♥️! Finally! Here is the sweet sweet love making! You can also read it on AO3 here :)

We sit in the holding cell. Well, I’m fucking sittin’ and that fucking moron is still trying to tear the bars down, shaking the railings, yapping on about how they got the wrong fucking people.

I’m just trying to get some sleep, as best as I can against the cold brick wall, painted white and covered with the most fucking creative graffiti I’ve ever seen. Looks like they gave up trying to paint over it at some point.

Almost makes me wish I had somethin’ to write with so I could leave my mark here. Ah, another life milestone reached. Well done me.

“Oi, asshole,” I say, opening my eyes for a moment. “Shut the fuck up.”

“This is all your fuckin’ doing!” He turns on me.

“No one asked you to intervene, dumbass,” I say, closing my eyes again. “Stop fuckin’ runnin’ into things that ain’t your fucking business.”

“If I didn’t save your sorry ass, you’d be in a fucking puddle on the ground back there right now,” he smirks.

I try to stay calm. I really fuckin’ do. But there’s a line. There’s a fucking line. And he crosses that fuckin’ line and he knows it.

“The fuck did you say?” I’m on my feet before I know it.

“You heard me, son of a bitch,” he spits. “Ain’t no way you could’ve taken them all. Just say thank you and sit the fuck down.”

And just when I thought I’d settled my temper, I find myself swinging again, teeth clenched, all the fury of everything that’s happened rushing right back at me. This blind rage taking over again.

He ducks and goes for his own hit which is so fucking obvious I can see it from a fucking mile away.

“What?” I step back, mocking, urging him to try and land one. “Can’t do nothing without your fuckin’ stick?”

“You fuckin’ wish,” he yells and charges right at me, and I just help him on his way, stepping away and pushing him into the wall with his own momentum. It’s brutal but I don’t give a flying fuck.

He stands up, fresh blood pouring from his nose, looking like he wants to fucking murder me. I feel like I want to fuckin’ kill him myself and this cell can’t contain my fucking madness anymore.

He wipes at his nose.

“Got a pretty thick skull, don’t ya?” I say, this reckless malice taking over my senses.

He stands there and laughs, blood pouring down his face.

“You think that’s gonna stop me?” And he looks even more worked up than before.

I pull back my fist, the muscle tight, aching to feel that power again. He looks like he’s doing the same. I-

“What the fucking hell?” We stop in our tracks as Mr. Nice Policeman bangs on the bars. “What the fuck you two doing? Settle the fuck down or I’ll taser the both of ya,” and walks away.

It’s just enough to break the murderous moment.

Something lifts and it looks like he just remembered somethin’ important.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, so hopeless and depressed. “I gotta talk to Zenko. Fuck.”

He looks genuinely worried, leans against the bars as if defeated, completely forgetting my presence. Defeated not by me but by something between his sister and him.

So I decide to fuckin’ forget him too. Fuck ‘im.

I sit back down and close my eyes again. We’ve been here for hours and I’m fucking bored out of my skull. I’m trying hard to not think of anything. To keep it all blank.

Eventually, I try to just drift off, to sleep at least a bit since I barely shut my eyes last night but when I let myself relax the memories keep coming. The memories of the last twenty four hours. How one evening went so fucking wrong. Like watching a fucking car crash. My mind just doesn’t want to look away no matter how much fucking pain it causes.

Part of me still feels justified, unable to take being treated like a fucking child, but another part just says ‘Fucking. Moron.’ She was right. I can’t control it. I just feel and then I do. No fucking impulse control here.

I think about her words about the fantasy of everyone being against me. It doesn’t sit right with me. Because everyone is against me.

Even Tareo? This little voice in my head says.

Well, ok, fuck, obviously not Tareo.

And her?

I don’t know. I thought she was on my side but looks like I’m nothing but a stupid kid.

That’s not what she said.

Yeah but…

And her brother, did he have anything against you?

No, but it ain’t like he fucking knows me.

And old man boss?

He doesn’t count.

Why not?

Just…because. Shut the fuck up.

And Bang?

Don’t get me started on that fuckin’ fool.

So who is against you?

I just fuckin’ said-

“Right,” that fucking smug police voice approaches us again, “you to punks are fucking lucky today. Get your shit and get outta here. And don’t let me see your fucking faces here again.”

And with that, the gates open and we’re free to go.

You know how I said the kid was the MVP of this whole thing? This was mostly his doing. Well, no one else will give him the credit but I reckon he’s a champ.

Turns out after they took us away and the old man, the only ‘reliable’ witness, had made a fuckin’ run for it (interesting, considering his back had given out…) didn’t even care about his beloved truck. Just got the hell outta dodge. After that, they didn’t want to listen to these grade schoolers so the kid took it upon himself. Went to get her first. Told her everythin’ that happened. Then she went down to the dojo, got the fuckin’ old bastard involved. He got down to the station with her and Tareo and Zenko in tow and set them straight and told them what’s what. Made them listen to them and made them get off their fuckin’ asses and track down the boss. He has that effect on people. Anyway, once they found and got him in he confirmed. It wasn’t me that started it.

Once they patched up the bastard with the ponytail and he was coherent again he swore up and down I’d got the jump on them, lying though his fucking teeth but apparently his story didn’t add up and he’s the one with the record now. Fucking pathetic dumbass.

To be honest. I wouldn’t have minded the record. What’s it to me? But the injustice was fucking burnin’ me up inside just a little bit.

It was a fuckin’ mess but it sorted itself out in the end because the kid used that head of his.

I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t know at the time how or even if he was involved in my early release. But I said it.

My fucked up cell mate rushes out, bolts down the corridor yellin’ “Zenko!!” and I just stroll out. Not particularly in any rush. It ain’t like I got anything to look forward to.

I head up the corridor and I see them all there. Her, Tareo, the old man with this serious expression under his mustache I’d never seen before and this hint of relief.

Fuck. I wasn’t expecting that. I wonder why the fuck they’re all here. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want their pity staring down at me. But there’s nowhere else to go. This is the only way out.

And her, she looks happy and distraught and tired and just…beautiful as always.

And never to be mine.

I gotta fuckin’ accept that and move on.

I just straighten up and walk past them without saying anything.

What is there to say anymore? I feel like we said everything last night. I don’t think I can undo all that. I’m not fucking good at repairing things, only tearing them down.

“Uncle!” I hear Tareo just behind me, running up after me. “Uncle! Are you ok?”

I stop but I don’t turn around.

“Yeah,” I say and then keep walking. “Thanks kid.”

I can feel her concerned eyes on me as I leave. I try to enjoy that feeling one last time.

I get home. It’s late. Delilah meows anxiously as I open the door.

“You’re hungry, eh?” I say, going straight to the kitchen. I give her her food but she doesn’t seem interested, just keeps meowing and butting me with her head.

“What?” I say. “Eat. What’s the problem?”

Meow, she says, half-upset and half-scared.

“I ain’t dead,” I say, picking her up for a moment. “See. I ain’t dead. Now eat,” I set her back down on the floor and she reluctantly leaves my side and traipses over to her bowl.

I go upstairs and take these fucking clothes off. I’ve been in them for far too long, sweat and blood soaked. Fuck this job, I think. I ain’t goin’ back. I’m sure I’m fired but even if I ain’t, no fucking chance in hell I’m going back. Fuck this job. And fuck everything.

And I feel this violence inside, like I’ve been holding something in since last night. Not that kind of violence. Not the desire to beat the fuck out of someone but this thing I can’t explain. This intractable fucking bitterness, this rage, at everything. At nothing. At myself. I want to fucking punch holes in this fucking wall. Fuck this house.

Fuck this fucking house.

Fuck school.

Fuck all the lies.

Fuck the beatings I got.

This thing inside me. It’s not anger, it’s not rage. It’s so fucking overpowering I don’t even understand it. It’s nothin’ like I’ve felt before. It’s driving me fucking mad, tearing me into too many directions at once. And I don’t know what to fucking do with it. I am ready to burn this fucking house down, tear it down with my own two hands. I feel this roar in my chest, building, and I can’t stop it, about to really unleash it on the fucking wall in the cold darkness here when the cat slips through the gap in the door, meowing softly, looking up at me as if happy to see me.

Meow she says, and rubs herself against my leg.

Everyone is against me, I think, my heart still beating rough and hard.

But not Delilah.

The wall stays whole.

I get the heat going and get in the shower, finally eat something, turning back into a semblance of a human being.

It’s late. Just after midnight. I try to just keep my mind steady. Not pay anything too much attention. But I can’t help noticing her lights still on across the street. That doesn’t happen often. I try not to give it any thought. It’s none of my business anymore. I decide to switch that part of me off.

Despite not sleeping very fucking much at all recently I find I have no desire to go to bed. This feeling like I don’t fucking know what to do with myself.

I switch on the TV and Delilah curls up next to me. I notice her lights are off now. But instantly remind myself to forget it.

I flip through the channels but as usual there’s only shit I have no interest in watching. I don’t even know why I turned it on. I don’t know how long I sit there, staring mindlessly. Twenty minutes? Before I’ve had enough.

I get up and Delilah lifts her head, questioning.

“Going to bed,” I say. I don’t feel like it but there ain’t anything else to do.

She jumps off the couch and follows me.

I watch her get into her box and she’s out like a light. I’m about to get undressed when I hear the knock, quiet, unsure.

I know who it is. And I stand there, not moving. There is no point, I tell myself.

I wait, listening to the silence of the night.

And there it is again, same cautious knock.

No. I can’t. There’s no fucking point. I-

I remember thinking, enough. Enough of the fucking doubts and the fucking guilt and the goddamn dancing around all of this, trying to please who fucking knows but never ourselves. Fucking enough. It ain't gonna be the world that dictates what we could and couldn't do. Enough.

By the time I open the door she’s already half way back across the street. She turns around, the porch light automatically switching on.

She stands there, in the middle of the road under the night sky, looking at me. Unsure whether to go back home or return to me.

I wait, keeping all my feelings, all my thoughts in check.

She looks at the black asphalt for a moment and then turns and walks back up the path, back up the steps towards me.

We stand there in the first uncomfortable silence we’ve ever experienced.

She doesn’t ask to come in.

Right now we are in two different worlds, separated by the doorway.

“I don’t feel like gettin’ a lecture,” I finally say.

“I’m not here to give you one,” she says, this fragile smile on her lips which disappears as soon as it appears.

I close everything off inside, in my head, in my chest. I can’t fuckin’ do this anymore. Whatever she’s going to tell me, it ain’t good and I don’t want to fucking take it anymore. She’s probably going to tell me to not come around ever again, or that we should just ignore each other from now on or whatever. And I already knew all that so-

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Eh? Not what I was expecting.

“I’m sorry for what I said last night.”

I’m fucking sorry too but I can’t bring myself to say it. I don’t apologise. I don’t fucking know how.

“Why?” I say, still somewhat wary.

“You’re not a kid,” she says, tucking her hands under her arms, into her sweater, feeling the cool of the night. “And I shouldn’t keep treating you like one. I shouldn’t tell you what to do with your life.”

I thought I’d just succeeded in shutting everything down but then she goes and says that and everything I’ve boxed away and chained down is starting to get restless inside.

“You don’t,” I say. She was right. She never forced me to do anything. All those choices were my own. All my own fucking doing.

I begin to feel it all trying to escape, all these things I thought I’d nailed down. Who the fuck was I kidding? As if I could switch it off just like that. It’s like a fucking flood building behind the most fucking flimsy dam. I try to hold it back, even a minute more because I still don’t know exactly where this is going. She still won’t look at me and it feels fucking painful.

“I know you don’t want me to, but I worry about you,” she says, still looking at the ground, as if it’s so fascinating.

“Don’t,” I say. “I don’t need you to worry about me.”

“I know,” she says. “You can take care of yourself. I know,” she smiles, still at the ground.

“What do I need to do?” I ask. The question that I wanted to ask last night but was too fucked up to do it. The real question. This question that scares the fuck out of me. This question that makes everything hang on the line. Because what if the answer is that there’s nothing I can do? “What do I need to do for you to take me seriously?”

“You don’t need to do anything,” she says, finally looking up at me, as if surprised by my words, searching my face before giving her real answer. “I love you just how you are. I really shouldn’t, but I do. It scares me. But I do. I love you just how you are. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because I’m not supposed to love you. But I do.”

Love me? Shouldn’t? It ain’t me? I’m not the problem? I’m not the fucking problem in this equation here? All this time…All this fucking time.

I remember every time she stroked my hair, touched my face, every hug, every contact. Thinking it was pity, thinking it was mindless affection, as if for a stray animal. And now she tells me…All this fucking time. This understanding blooms in my mind. So late. So fucking late.

And for the first time in as long as I can remember I manage to get the words out. Force them out. Because I remember how she looked. I remember the sadness and the alarm in her eyes. And I fucking am.

“I’m sorry.”

She looks at me wide-eyed, then reaches out and carefully, tentatively, strokes my cheek, as if thinking I might not want her touch.

“You don’t need to-” she starts.

But I can’t hold it fucking back anymore. Any of it. I can pretend to not care all I fucking want but inside all I want is her. I can lie to myself about fucking anything, but not this.

I pull her inside, slamming the door shut behind, trapping her against it. Not meaning to but I ain't letting go now. We’re in the same world now. Our own and the world outside can fucking burn. I don't fucking care. This is between me and her.

'I love you…just how you are.'

‘I love you…’

There’s this exhilaration in the air, this hot exhilaration in the dark. This thing between us. This forbidden thing pulling us in and we know there’s no return now. There is no escape.

‘I love you…’

I can’t hold anything back any fucking longer, grabbing her face and finally. Finally kiss her.

Finally.

Everything falls into place, falls apart, as she grabs me right back. The silence of the night recedes, instinct taking over, her mouth hard against mine, quiet gasps, grasping at clothes here, there and then we take a breath, a wanting pause. I stare at her, so many fucking questions but I don’t need any of them answered and then right back in, more heated than before, tasting her tongue, hands on her hips pressing her close, her hands around my neck, on my shoulders. I slip my hands down and she follows, jumping on me, legs around me as I pick her up. There’s only one place to go.

She never lets go of my face, kiss after kiss, as if this is the last time we’ll see each other as I head to my room, too impatient, too hot, not watching where the fuck I’m going but I don’t care, as long as I get to hold her like this, as long as she never takes her mouth off mine. Our secret safe tonight.

I finally get through my door, as she holds my head in her soft hands, kisses all over my face.

I don’t want to let to go but this needs to happen. Now.

She slips out of my arms, urgent, knowing and we start stripping off, never fast enough. She pulls my shirt over my head, hands running all over my chest and I try to keep kissing her as I lift the edge of her jumper. This hot mess, trying to do everything at once. Her t-shirt is on the floor and then she’s unbuttoning her jeans and I’m right there with her. I watch her reach quickly behind, undo her bra, go to help, pulling the straps down her shoulders before she throws it to the side, before finishing getting naked myself as she slips her hands into her underwear, hurriedly bends down, slipping it off her ankles. Everything is just one fucking beautiful blur that we almost don’t realise that we’re standing completely naked in front of each other, her chest already rising and falling, breathing fast. I’m sure I’m the fucking same. I have no time to think about that because all I can concentrate on is her.

And now, take it back…everything slows down.

This is real. Standing there in the shadows, in the silver light. Not far from the same time as when I first saw her. Way past midnight, we come together again in the dark.

Took so fucking long to get here that it’s almost unbelievable.

She looks over me. Her eyes travel over my chest covered in bruises again, but not so bad as last time. She says nothing about it. Just taking it in. What's done is done. I will try my best from now. I know I won't always succeed but I'll fucking try. Try because there’s a part of me that never thought she’d be here. That I’d be here.

And yet here it is. And it’s better than any memory, any fantasy. I’ve seen her. I’ve seen her across the street from here but now she’s in my room, naked for me, even more beautiful than I remembered, standing there surrounded by our discarded clothes. Nothing between us anymore. Stripped of all excuses and reasons.

My hand reaches out, carefully on her face, touching her cheek, her lips, as if checking it’s really happening.

She closes her eyes, puts her hands over mine, nestles her cheek into it and I don’t move. And then she opens her eyes again slowly and looks at me like she knows exactly what she’s doing, letting my hand go.

And I thought I was strong…but her eyes. I thought I was fucking strong. And here it is. And I gotta laugh inside. I am no match for her. There was three inches between us and she closes it. Finally. The distance disappears. Gone for fucking good.

‘I love you…’

I feel her body, her skin, against me. Her breasts pressing softly against me, the warmth of her thighs. And she knows what I need better than I do.

I expect her kiss again, wild and urgent, her lips against mine but she just presses herself closer against my bruised chest, taking her hands behind me, slowly, gently tracing her fingers down my back, just that. I feel their caress over every muscle, every inch of skin.

And I realise there’s more, more to this desire than what I thought. Because this touch destroys me bit by bit, and I am completely powerless in her hands as they move slowly over me, now tracing tenderly over my chest as she kisses my cheek, my jaw softly, my neck.

Ain’t no one ever touched me like that. Never knew what I was missing. She pulls me slowly back to bed, pushes me down and gets half on me, caressing my face, whispering things in my ear, pressed against my side, her thigh across me.

This is going to kill me, I remember thinking. This is going to fucking kill me and I’m ready for it. All my power is useless here.

I remember when we were in my bed before. When I was burning up delirious. Feeling her protection. And here I feel it again, this quiet care, never letting me go as her lips travel down my neck, down, down my chest, as she kisses all these bruises, runs her fingers affectionately over them. And this hot exhilaration still hangs, grows, in the air, in this room.

I think about my fist, the strength I kept training, blood, sweat and tears, the strength and power to take down anyone and anything that stands in my way. The tension, the burning power in my hand. Always needing more. And yet here she is, with the barest of touches in her fingertips completely undoing everything inside me as she runs them down my chest, down, lingering around my hip.

She could do just that and I’d think all this was worth it. The frustration, the mess, the anger, the fear. Just touch me like this and don’t stop.

And just when I think I’ve finally got some composure back I feel her lips on the edge of my ear and her hand slips quickly further down, same soft, barely there touch running over my cock.

Fuck.

I can feel myself breathing heavy as her fingers play with me, light and slow, as if wondering whether to continue.

I can’t fucking help this anymore. Grab her hand and make it clear she can do as much as she wants because I fuckin’ want it. I feel her hand now around me, stroking, as her lips wander over my face again, her hair falling over me, my hands go to her waist. Her hand closer, tighter around my cock, a little faster as she climbs further onto me, her kiss on my mouth now, serious, no hiding desire, everything out in the open, this groan caught in my throat as her stroke intensifies. Her hand on me, her body against me, the tip of her tongue playfully in my mouth, her breathless sigh…My fingers dig into her hips, feeling too much. A torture I hope never ends.

I realise my imagination had its limits. So many fucking limits. The heat of her skin, the feel of her body in my hands, pressing into me, her words breathed in my ear, her desire, all tangible and real here almost pushing me out of my goddamn mind into something intense and intoxicating…And I’m so fucking hard, not much more of this and it’s going to be over because holding on is a big fucking ask right now with her on top of me like this.

No. Not yet.

Not yet. I’ve got more for you.

Takes all my will power to push her carefully over onto her back. She’s not the only one that can’t get enough.

Before I know it, I’m pinning her down, my mouth on her neck, feeling myself on top of her. I run my tongue up her throat, hear this little sweet sigh, eyes closed, hands curling into soft fists as I hold down her wrists.

The heat is on and with what’s happening between us, it’s like that fever takes over again as I kiss down her neck, her shoulder, across her collarbone. Not wanting to miss an inch of her, hear her happy murmurs, feel her breasts, hard pretty nipples against me just there.

I let go of her arms, my hands needing to be elsewhere. Her eyes open, watching me as I run my hand down her face, down her body until it reaches her breast and I see this excitement in her eyes grow.

Slowly, I run my thumb over her nipple, once, twice, harder on the third time, watching her as she bites her lip and the next time I do it, wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my head down, into this kiss, close, intense and I never let go, hand still on her breast, keep doing that, realising how sensitive she is there as I taste her quiet gasps. And I want more. I can do more.

I slip out of her embrace, give her more. That slow rhythm that she’s so good at, that kept me there…I ain’t the same. I kiss down her body, everything getting more urgent. Look at her, naked on my covers, revealing all her secrets to me. If that’s what she wants, I think. If just that simple touch gets her like that…I can’t hold it back. Getting wilder on her body. Couldn’t stop if I wanted to.

I've got handfuls of her breasts, my mouth all over them. Her fingers twist through my hair impatiently as I play with her nipples, biting softly, licking. Kissing this one then the other, my tongue on the side of her breast, following the soft curve, sucking on that hard little nipple when I get back there. And her heartbeat. I can feel it, harder, faster.

Do you like this? Do I make you feel good, my love?

I feel like she’s holding back. Throwing her hand over her mouth. I don’t know why.

I don’t push for answers. Her body says it all, hand gripping my shoulder, her own shoulders pressing hard into the mattress, her chest lifting to me.

I saw her. Saw her half naked in the window. Her body on display just for me. And now, it’s all mine. I get to touch, taste, feel everything I saw. Explore its softness, its warmth, all the things that please her.

I want to know all the things that please her. Find out for myself. Not just please her but that make her writhe and cry out and push her over the edge. I want to know.

And so I move down her body, taking my time. Kissing as much of her as I can as I go, over her ribs, her stomach, past her bellybutton, my hands following, her hips.

She watches me, curious how far I’ll go. And I have no intention of stopping and every intention of exceeding expectations. My hand back at her breast, teasing, squeezing her nipple as she reaches her hand into my hair, a sharp intake of her breath. I kiss a line across her body from one gorgeous hip to the other, and then down the front of her soft thigh and her curiosity grows.

I’ve thought of this how many fucking times? Imagined this over and over…Doing exactly this. Being right here, her body so close, mine to please and explore in the night, in the heat.

I spread her legs and she lets me, fingers softly in my hair as she watches me. I feel her breath catch. She almost doesn't expect me to. But look at her…Fuck. Look at her. Naked, in my bed, already so wet. She can't hide how much she wants it, and neither can I, how much I fucking want her.

I get closer between her thighs. I look over her, her pretty pussy so close. I feel how fucking hard it makes me. I thought I’d buy myself more time like this, being the one to please her but fuck. It ain’t any easier. All my concentration on her. Slowly, I trace my fingers down her slit, slick with her desire. I feel a shiver run through her, a little tremble in her thighs. I press them closer to me, turn and kiss one of them, nipping at her skin, my fingers still stroking her pussy as I see her grip the sheet in one hand. Her other hand reaches down, edges of her fingers brush soft against my cheek. She doesn't think I’m going to-

But this is the most intimate part of her. Where she feels so good. Where I can make her feel so good. And I've waited so fucking long and how many times have I thought of this? Wanted this? Too many. And now I finally get to taste her, to give her this pleasure.

Her gasp fills the night inside this room and my head fills with her scent, erotic and close. I taste her with this slow hunger, her hot skin, her wetness.

I want to keep going slow, exploring her, teasing, but she wants it so fucking much and knowing it was all me that gets her so hot and bothered. Knowing it was all fucking me, I can’t do that. That slow plan completely out the fucking window.

And now her back arches, my hands under her ass, fingers pressing into her. I can't get enough of her, running my tongue over her clit again and again. Wanting her to feel so good, so fucking good.

She can’t restrain it any longer and I hear these desperate sighs above me, growing louder, sweeter.

Yes darlin'. Just like that. Sigh for me just like that.

I feel my fingers dig into her harder, pulling her pussy closer to my mouth, finding this rhythm that she loves, makes her get wilder, sighs turning effortlessly into these indescribable moans, hands in my hair, pulling, curling around her fingers.

After everything. After goddamn everything, she is here, with me, leaving traces of her erotic scent all over my sheets as I pleasure her with my mouth, my tongue quick and hard on her clit, as she gets wetter and wetter.

I slide my hand up her body, to her breast until it finds her nipple and suddenly she lets out the most obscene beautiful helpless sound I've ever heard.

“Don’t stop,” she can barely get the words out between her moans. “Don’t stop, Garou…ohhh…!”

I feel her thighs squeeze around my head, her bare legs thrown over my shoulders.

I have no intention of stopping, love. But you’re driving me fucking insane. Just me and you and the heat of the night, the heat of your body, the smell of your pleasure, the taste of your desire…

“Don’t…stop…” she begs, pulling my head in ever closer as I keep my tongue tracing these patterns she loves over clit, her pussy aching for more.

I can feel her thighs start to tremble, softly at first and then harder, this soft tremor in her body. It feels intense. Too intense. Her moans so loud, so restless. And even with all that I want to push it further, squeeze her nipple harder. Her hips begin to sway against my face, her back arching hard and for a moment she is silent. Silent before it all breaks loose, all her doubts and all her self-restraint, and she cums.

And I never stop.

To be with her in that moment, when she's crying out over and over, her body hot and full of pleasure, taking over her. There is no describing this moment. This feeling.

It's only me and her and the pleasure I can give her

Right now only I get to see her, feel her like this. She is all mine.

Her body gives in completely, so willing, so wanting, to me.

She cums, hot tension and breathlessness, she cums for me.

I want to be there, not let go until the end, feel, taste her orgasm from beginning to end but suddenly her words.

"Come here," she beckons, her words lovely and impatient, her body still quivering, "come here. I want you."

I let go, I let go my hands around her hips and get back up to her, between her legs.

"I want you," she says again, closing her eyes pulling me against her.

And I give her what she wants. What I want. Always wanted.

I feel myself inside her. This feeling…this fucking feeling that makes me lose my head, makes me groan. So fucking close. She's so fucking close and I'm finally inside her, her legs hurrying to wrap themselves around my waist, her breasts against my chest as I kiss her neck over and over.

"You're so wet," I hear myself, the words barely, hoarsely out, her hands all over my back. I can't help it. I know she's so fucking wet, I was just there, but I can't help it. This is so fucking excruciating. So fucking good.

"Only for you," she breathes, urgent and sweet.

Only for me…Those words sit tight and hot in my chest. Turn everything fucking upside down. The things she does to me. Did she think about me on those lonely winter nights like I did about her? Did the thought of me keep her company as she pleasured herself? I can't help but wonder…

"Only for you, Wolf," she repeats, grabbing tighter on to me, wanting me.

I find I’ve graduated from cub to wolf and that’s fucking music to my ears.

I’m finally there where I want to be. Not just physically, here with her. But in her esteem. I’m not that kid. I’m not that stray anymore.

And she wants me to fuck her. And I do.

I’d always said, I’d give you everything. I’m all yours. Here to fulfill your every desire. You want to fuck and so we fuck.

I feel myself pull out and thrust into her, again and again, unable to resist going harder each time. Because she wants to fuck. And I give her what she wants.

How…? How the fuck does it feel so good? Her pussy, warm, soaking around me. Takes everything to not lose my head. How the fuck does she feel so good? Fuck…This is nothing like the fantasy.

She does this little rock of her hips to match me, to get more of me and I fucking can't. Feel my hand slam against the wall just above, bracing against it because this is-

"You feel so good," her words, a stormy passionate whisper by my ear, exactly what I’m thinkin’ about her, a moan. "You feel…so…good…ah!!"

The heat between us never fucking stops, presses us closer together. I can see this delicate drop of sweat snaking down her neck as I get another taste of her mouth, drowning us both as her hands rake through the back of my hair, pulling me eagerly closer as we fuck, nothing but heat and animal sounds of pleasure. This raw sort of desire between her body and mine, soft and savage.

I don’t know how much fucking longer I can go. Every time I feel my cock inside her again, thrust into her again, it gets so much fucking harder to control it. To not cum, to keep making her moan. I can barely keep my eyes open, both of us panting. I-

Suddenly, she pushes me hurriedly off her and climbs on top, not letting me inside her just yet. Just sitting on me, catching her breath in the moonlight, hands on my chest, her hair wild over her shoulder, knowing I need to slow down.

She lets out these beautiful exhales, one breath, two, showing me the state I reduce her to, knowing she does the same to me. And then, lifts herself a bit and lets her pussy slide against me, softly back and forth, swaying her hips slow and seductive against my cock. It ain’t much of a break but it gives me a chance to have some sort of lucid thought as I watch her.

And then lets me inside her again, now the one in control. She sits there on top of me, my cock inside her, just watching me with this intense gaze, her eyes shining, sensual. And then little by little she starts to move, riding me, hands hard against my chest, holding herself up. Just these subtle movements at first, barely lifting her pretty ass, making me start from the beginning.

And this view from below…Fuck. Her movements intensify, her body rocks more and more, her breasts beginning to bounce softly as she keeps riding me. This fucking gorgeous view…These hips. My hands reach out for her hips again. I want you harder, faster. I want you to torment me more. Fucking more.

She lets me guide her body with my hands, going deeper, harder for me, taking her hands off my chest now that I’ve got her, arching her back again, hands behind her head as the breath she just caught runs away on her again, mine already long gone. I don’t think I ever seen anything so fucking beautiful. Just there, on top of me. My fucking everything.

And then there’s this pure overwhelming fucking need. This need twisting its way inside me. I sit up and grab her, my arms around her. Remember how much she loves to be held. I remember everything, from that first moment. And all the moments after that. Like an uphill trail leading up to this one. Everythin’ that happened. Without all that we wouldn’t be here. All those days, weeks, months of tortured waiting, tormented by doubts and unfulfilled desire, so much tension that it couldn’t possibly not fucking snap.

And now here.

Now I’ve got her. I’ve got her. Everything leading up to this moment. Now I’ve got her I think, my arms tight around her, her lips all over my face as she rides me, fucks me with her beautiful little body as if making up for all that lost time.

And it becomes more than about this, the sex, the hopeless lust. There’s something more that I can’t quite put into words. This pure overwhellming fucking need. Not just to fuck and feel her body against me, not just to please and hear her breathless moans but something else…Intense and overpowering.

The need for her.

I give in to it. Let myself feel every fucking drop of it. The need for this other person.

I’m pressing her so close it must hurt but she just whimpers and moans, never letting me go, never letting her hips stop. The night is running away on us but there’s no fucks to give.

Didn’t think it was possible to feel something like this. So fucking intense that it feels it will either kill you or make you invincible, and you don’t care either way.

I can’t fucking hold it back anymore, my hand in her hair, bringing her closer, pressing her mouth against mine, drowning out her moans, my own snarling groans.

This is too fucking intense.

Strands of her hair stick to her face, I can feel the sweat, mine and hers. Just one more moment. One more moment darlin’. Give me one more.

I can feel her body start to tense up again as I keep her mouth pressed against mine, her sweet gasping moans trapped. And then she manages to break free just long enough to say:

“Cum!” And plunge right back into kissing me and that’s the fucking undoing of me.

I don’t fucking care how loud we are now. I feel my whole body on edge like I ain’t ever felt before. Like something sinking its teeth into me, and it feels so fucking good. Something beyond my control. I feel her shudder against me, a trail of moans as if pain mixed with pleasure, all the hope and despair of the last months, moans one after another and my body follows hers, at once powerless and feeling a strength I ain’t ever felt before, nothing like this. This thing completely overtaking all my senses and yet leaving me in complete control. I feel myself cum hard into her wet, awaiting pussy, her wanting, warm pussy, her body entwined around mine.

She keeps going a little while longer, this soft, tender rock against me as I grip her close panting hard, knowing it’s making me feel good, riding out her own orgasm.

What the fuck just happened?

Neither of us can find the words. Dazed. I don’t think either of us expected it to be that fucking…intense. Shame on us. How else would it have been? Knowing all the feelings we’d been hiding, fighting against. Should’ve known.

I lean my forehead against her shoulder for a few moments, close my eyes, taking all this in, breathing in her warm scent.

When I open them again the cat is there, sitting at the door, staring at me, completely unimpressed. I didn’t even notice her leave her box before. Too fucking busy fucking the love of my life.

I stare at her right back.

“None of your business,” I mutter, getting my breathing under control. But she just keeps staring.

“What?” She whips around, surprised by my voice in the silence, seeing the cat. “Oh, we must have woken her up,” she says softly, still caressing my forehead.

Delilah gives us another glance then turns her nose up and exits.

“Bloody cats,” I say, scowling after her.

She looks at me. And then she laughs. And then I laugh. And then she kisses me and falls back into my bed with me.

I know you love to be held.

We lie there, facing each other for a while. I have no idea what time it is anymore. I have a feeling we’re not that far from sunrise.

I feel like I want to say somethin’ but the right words just don’t come. She doesn’t seem to mind, gently runs the tip of her finger down my nose, down my face.

“You’re very handsome,” she says, smile in the moonlight.

“What? No,” I joke, dismissing the idea. “You sure? Nah…”

“Take the compliment,” her smile grows bigger.

“Make me,” I grin back.

“Don’t you start,” she waves her finger, a dangerous seductive warning.

“Or else what?” I say.

She rolls her eyes, exasperated and turns away laughing for a moment before coming back to me, eyes more excited, brighter than I’ve ever seen them. And then turns serious.

“I’m sorry I said those-” she starts but I don’t want to hear any of that, my hand over her pretty mouth.

“Don’t,” I say as she tries to keep talking.

She pulls my hand away.

“I didn’t-”

“Oi,” I say and take her chin. If my hand doesn’t work then this might. I kiss her, until she stops resisting. I don’t want to hear it because I was a fucking idiot. And if we start, we’ll be apologising until fucking Christmas.

It starts off playful and she’s still trying to disentangle herself, say what she wanted to say but I press on and soon it’s silent and deep and no room to breathe, my hand on the small of her back, pressing her close again.

When I’m done, seems she’s long forgotten what she was going to say.

Good.

Stare at each other again. I can’t take my fucking eyes off this woman. If I don’t do something, we’re headed for round two any minute.

“Hey,” I say, doing my best impression of my agitated, defensive high-school self, “you wanna be my girlfriend?”

She bursts out laughing. I’m glad.

“O…M…G…” she says, “I thought you would like…totally…never ask.”

“Is that a yes?” I say in the same brusque manner.

Her laughter quietens down for a moment.

“Is that what you really want?” She says, nothing but kindness, not expecting anything in particular.

“Yeah,” I say, dropping the act.

“Are you sure?” She says.

“Don’t you start,” I warn her.

“Or else what?” She teases. “You going to spank me?”

“Hey, whatever your kink is, I’m down,” I say my hand slipping down her body, back around, giving my favourite ass a good squeeze.

“Harder,” she moans dramatically, and I oblige, the pleasure all mine, until she’s laughing again, eyes closed, enjoying herself. All the heaviness hanging over us from the previous night gone.

Then suddenly opens them again.

“What are people going to say?” She asks. “I’m dating an eighteen year old.”

“Ah, well, here’s the best part,” I inform her, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re not.”

“What? What do you mean? Wait…no! When?” She slaps my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?! When?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I try to wave it away but she won’t have it.

“When?” She says and I know I gotta answer or else.

“Yesterday,” I say honestly.

“Garou…” she says, her voice suddenly quiet and tender.

“Oi, don’t feel fuckin’ sorry for me,” I say. “It’s just a fuckin’ birthday. It ain’t like they don’t happen every year. If it makes you feel any better, no one knew last year, or the year before that, or the one before.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel any better,” she says. “Honestly…" she pauses, propping herself up on her elbow. "We're going to celebrate tomorrow.” And that’s final, according to her.

She lies back down, facing me.

“So young,” she grins. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” I feel the back of her fingers lightly down my cheek.

“So do you,” I say.

So young…I think of the words. She wasn’t teasing or anything but I get this worry inside.

“Do you regret it?” I say. Everything we just did. Do you regret it?

She pauses her hand, looking at me carefully.

“No,” she says quietly, assured of her answer. “But I was thinking you might,” she whispers.

I can’t keep convincing her with words. I fucking can’t.

I pull her in closer, hand under her thigh, pulling it up onto me, hitching up around my waist. Hand on the small of her back and give it to her again watching her eyes light up, hands grab onto me.

And we fuck again, slow, hard. She pulls me in, kissing me over and over, the tip of her tongue tracing across mine as I thrust into her again and again, hear her whimper again for me, tremble again for me, and the world recedes one more time and there’s only her and me in the hot, in the dark, face to face.

“Never…” I manage to start between her kisses, voice hoarse from everything she does to me, “...say that…again.”

All I hear is “Mmmhhh…oh!”

“Ever,” I repeat as I feel her against me, losing herself more and more with every stroke of my cock in her already wet, soaking hot little pussy and then so do I. Lose myself, let myself stop thinking and just feel this.

Feel it between us, all the taboos fallen away, nothing holding it back anymore.

It had started with that one moment at the window. This time months ago. Sown itself between us, pulling us both in, and all the while we were tryin’ to be polite. Tryin’ to ignore it, ignore the fact that we were both in too fuckin’ deep. As if ignoring it meant it didn’t exist.

It was never going to work like that.

It was too fucking powerful, more powerful than either of us.

It was always going to end up like this. We were going to get here or die trying.

I feel her body so close, quiver against me again, her mouth soft against mine as I get her close, closer, feeling almost there myself as she rubs against me.

There is no fucking distance anymore. Not a fucking inch.

I make sure of that.

“Garou…” I hear this bare, sweet moan.

I know. I know you’re about to cum darlin’. You’re making me lose my fucking head again, my fucking mind, with your sighs and your moans, and your desperate little body rocking against me.

I feel her hand on my chest, pressing against me, as if feeling my heartbeat, lost in her own pleasure. I feel her hand there. It’s still beatin’. You see what you do?

I know you love to be held.

I wrap my arm around her.

“Garou…! Garou…” her voice, her words hot against my mouth, fingers digging into me and then she presses her hips hard against mine and there’s this soft shudder, over and over as she sighs and gasps into me. Urges me to cum with the sway of her hips.

Fuck. Fuck…I push into her again, one more time before she takes me completely over the fucking edge with her as she encourages my groans, but I feel like I’m fucking growling, turning into an animal.

“Wolf,” she breathes, biting her lip, squeezing her eyes shut, the orgasm tensing her body against me harder than she expected.

Yes, I’ll be your fucking wolf, your fucking anything, I think as I cum inside her again as she buries her face in my neck, as she loves every moment of it, running her warm hand over my face and I’m breathing fucking hard.

Waited. Waited so fucking long, her and I, I think as I pull her impossibly closer, wanting to feel every part of her against me. Never getting enough.

I’d been waiting, dreaming, fucking hoping about this for so fucking long, I think as I feel her relax again, safe against me. Everything fucking behind us now. And we forget the outside world exists. It doesn’t fucking matter anymore. It’s just you and me. Not a single fucking regret.

I ain’t ever letting go. My love.

#garou #garou fanfiction #garouxreader #garou x reader #reader insert #garou x y/n #opm fanfiction #one punch man fanfiction

[transwitchsammy]

Slight Rambles #1 (11/08/22)

Thought I'd kinda ramble a bit cause I forgot just how much I love posting here and I want to make a better habit of just posting. The love of experiencing what it feels like to like to have a blog again. A little space to just like write or post or whatever. A space that I remember having within the walls of this site years and years ago.

This might come off slightly manic or weird and all over the place, I'm running on not a lot of sleep cause my sleep has been bad and I've got important shit to work on today at least. So if some of this is a little incoherent I'm fine just a tiny bit out of it. But just really wanting to write and post it cause I'm a little bit of an attention whore but honestly especially at this point in my transition I'm proud of that shit. I feel like I was afraid to take any pride in myself because of different aspects of my environment but now I just don't care and the older I get the less I'm caring and just doing my best to vibe. I'm living my life the best way I feel I can.

Obviously I wanna change things. Financially, things with myself and aspects of my body. I wanna be cuter and cooler. More of that ideal goth I'd always idealized and envied as a kid. I'm getting there more and more. Looking at old videos and photographs I don't even recognize that person. I pulled up old shitty videos from years ago, eons and lifetimes ago at this point, and that person was so sad and angry. I just didn't recognize them but I felt for them and where they were.

I feel like at some points in my life I lost myself. As a child, as a teenager, college, after I dropped out, a little bit of the past year (2021 too tbh) sort of until like this summer. Just dissociation after dissociation. Loss of the self. Constant rediscovery. Sometimes I think I'm just gonna loop that lost feeling forever cause my brain chemistry is kinda fucked no matter how I look at it. But I just remember that life ain't really cut and dry like that. We all kinda wander and stumble and fumble and wonder if life is really just constantly that and so far it has been. But the more it happens the more I've been excited to learn and grow and change from it. I feel like old me, sad me, angry me would've just stewed and not tried to push forward in some way. The internal void would've probably just eaten away again and again in a constant loop. But today, nah. I spiral a bit sure. I'm not perfect, I got shit and things I need to constantly work at. But I don't feel hopeless anymore.

Finding yourself lost again and again, finally regaining that confidence and love of the self too is vitally important. But every time it feels like it has the potential to slip from me again and something about that sometimes crushes me in ways. Like I should be able to feel stronger within myself as a person. But I feel like I just give it all away so easily sometimes. Not even in a conscious effort to undermine my core self but more-so to feel like I'm connecting with others in a way that I don't fully know if it is real.

I'd always felt this weird disconnect from others. Like part of that as a kid was the dysphoria and the constant depression and anger and shittiness that my trauma manifested within me.

Part of it too was a deep fear of people stemmed from a magnitude of shit and life experiences that I won't go into in this post. As I got better at masking, pretending and socializing, the better I got at trying to appeal to people's tastes. But part of me felt like I was just a poser. Constant imposter syndrome that ate at me internally, made me feel like a liar when I just liked the same things as well. But I constantly would second guess myself. So part of me questioned if that was even real? Or if there was just an emptiness, a boring husk where an interesting person should be. Left by the expectations of so many and none of the me I feel that I am now.

There's ideas of who I am. People tell me who I am, but sometimes it feels like an aspect of me wants to crawl out, a multiple selves sort of. I think that's the part of myself I was embarrassed of embracing for so long. This earnest self I felt I had to subdue just to survive and feel like I was surviving in the world that I didn't choose to exist in by the standards of others that I just didn't understand why I had to care about. But I didn't want to be alone. I was terrified of that.

Maybe something snapped. I still don't wanna be alone. But I feel like I've settled into accepting my introversion and tendencies I used to hate, especially as my transition has progressed and I've just gained a different understanding and context for my body and emotional health. My quietness, my hunger for the creative and the critique without trying to uphold myself to the standards of those who do nothing for me or the things I want to make. I can communicate through my art, through my writing, through my critiques. The genuine heart talks through what it creates, who and what it gravitates towards and what it fixates towards.

I didn't realize how much I missed Tumblr honestly.

Honestly, this site might be the key to regaining my love for my stream of consciousness writing. I grew to hate it over the course of the past years for a lot of personal self loathing emotional roller coaster reasons and outside of critiques I just haven't written like this at all and it's fucking invigorating. It makes me feel capable and feeling like I can just do it if I set my mind to expressing like this again. The written word means so much to me and I didn't realize how much I was suppressing that underneath the weight of tweets.

How miserable birdsite made me was unhealthy and I really should have stopped using it earlier on but I wanted to be more plugged in. I wanted to be in the social square, I still want to promote my work, in a way I can't fully disconnect.

I feel like this whole year, things that happened in the real especially, showed me how much I just needed to stop caring about a lot of dumb shit, give people who I feel like deserve my time and attention and fuckin ENERGY cause I deserve that shit. I love the people I talk to and hang with rn. If you're reading this you probably know who you are. I deserve that happiness. I deserve that respect and I wanna do my best to pay kindness like that back in spades. Communicating, shooting the shit, writing, talking art, creation, critique, art. Let's fucking go.

I'm over the stage of looking up to people who don't feed the energy back that I give them. Tired of the days of looking for role models and inspirations outside of the art and the vibes themselves. I will become better at this. I will surround myself with art, artists and lovers of art and creating and discussing. I need that for what I consider to be myself.

This is catharsis. If ya read all of this. Thank you. I'm gonna do this more every now and again. I'm gonna make every year that I can do the best I can by driving myself forward in my passions no matter what. No matter how. I'm me, I'm here, I'm real and I'm gonna fucking live.

#trans #vent #sammy writing #writing #slight rambles #slight rambles 1 #trans rambling #bi rambling noises #trans writing #personal writing #trauma #trauma writing #vent art #happy to be back here #love you tumblr #sleep deprived lmfao #anxiety #anxiety writing #depression #depression writing #self love #self love writing #catharsis #catharsis writing

[angiekurosaki]

It has been a while since my last vent post, so here I go again 🙃.

Currently, I don't have much energy to post here or to reblog things 😕 my pile of 'likes' to which I keep saying myself I will eventually get back to read better just keeps increasing and increasing (so, if I liked your fanfiction and I didn't reblog it, it was because I was gonna get back to it but I haven't!)

Anyway. I've been trying to deal with my anxiety and depression as always. Last year, I saw a psychiatrist from another city via online, but in the end it didn't seem to help a lot or feel it was actually working. My last appointment with him was in January, since then, I just continued taking the last antidepressant he prescribed me, it didn't help me radically but made possible for me to get through the next day.

Of course, I was worried I was taking meds without supervision so, last month I went to a new doctor that just arrived to the city.

No need to say that I just kept rearranging and delaying the appointment until last minute because honestly, going through the process of seeing a new doctor and explaining things is fucking exhausting. Most of times, it feels pointless too, and, of course, one single appointment is super expensive.

Nevertheless, I went. At the beginning, I felt quite relaxed, the new doctor asked me lots of questions, which was good! I guess The previous doctors didn't pay a lot of attention to that. I tried to answer in the best way possible, but sometimes he just kept pushing me to give a straight answer but that's not always possible for me! I think doctors need to understand that 'I don't know' is a valid response because it's the true way you feel.

When he asked me what my goals in life are or any kind of thing I want to accomplish I said that idk. And that's true, because honestly, I have no ambitions in the sense of 'wow i wanna become a manager'... but he seemed super surprised (in a bad way) that at my age I haven't figured that... so yeah, I'm kind of ashamed for that. But how could you make a plan to achieve something in your life when you have barely survived the whole time? Anyway, you know, most of the stuff you talk with a psychiatrist is shameful.

Even if I liked the beginning of the appointment, in the end, I kind of felt like he didn't take into account the whole context I'm in (financial problems, existencial crisis, capitalism, the fact that we are witnessing how resources are running out and how this fucking island which I live in is watching its sea levels increasing, inflation, prices going up, temperatures increasing too, etc).

I was a little bit disappointed and surprised because he didn't order any blood test or something like that. I told him that my last tests were years ago and I was expecting to know if I have anemia but I guess that for him, my problems were definitely mental and not physical?

I also mentioned that I'd like to know if I'm in the autism spectre, or it's just that some symptoms overlap with anxiety/depression. This is a genuine thought I've had for some time and I think that I would benefit to know if I'm in the spectre or not. It could explain many things in my behaviour...

After softly laughing (not sure how I shoud have understood that), he replied 'yeah, sure it's better to be tested' but he didn't gave me straightforward answer to that ????.

In the end, he mostly focused on my ocd and I feel like he diminished my depression. Even when I explained that my former diagnosis was dysthymia and that at least that part felt accurate. I was like, dude idk it seems like my depression is a great thing to take into account.

He prescribed Luvox (fluvoxamine) which is a med used especially for ocd, along alprazolam for my anxiety, but given that I was still taking escitalopram, he advised me to take just half of that pill in order to allow my body to stop being used to the previous pill. Honestly, idk if he just gave me Luvox because he had some free samples laying over there in his office 😒 (btw they expired in upcoming 2 days but according to him it doesn't matter and they were safe to consume). Yeah, he gave me about to expired free samples (?). [Context: sometimes you are gifted free samples of a med]

Other details of that appointment: he told me there IS difference between buying a generic pill vs a brand med in case of antidepressants and that I should have been taking the brand ones all this time... But those are super expensive!!! For instance, Luvox costs around 1,000 mexican pesos!

Given the reason that he said I DO have a lot issues (thanks, I guess), but everything sums up as generalized anxiety disorder, he recommended cbt therapy which is obvious a good option. Unfortunately, and as you know, therapy is super expensive and not affordable for every person, and we (family&me) are basically living day by day; so, as you can understand I can't just pay~ for therapy. Also, thinking about doing any kind of exposure therapy for my phobias scares me.

The (first) previous month with that doctor went with the hope of getting better.

You know, I think it's fair to say that since the beginning of the pandemic everything went downhill for me and my family. And it hurts you know? It hurts so much. It's painful to see how we struggle.

So, I went last week for a second appointment with that psychiatrist, and idk, I felt 'bruh'. He told me that it's surprising that the new med hadn't already worked and if that's the case, I should start new meds the next time. And I'm not gonna do that. I'm tired of switching meds, can't afford it either... I once again asked about the possibility of getting tested for autism but he said that '#1 getting diagnosed for autism as an adult is super difficult and #2 that I shouldn't 'look' for more issues in myself'... Does that imply that I'm making up all of this? If so, that's not a sign of anxiety? Hypervigilence or something like that? According to him, the fact that I do have the desire to have friends and socialize even if I can't now due to my anxiety, it's a sign of not having autism. Wanting to have friends is exclusive of neurotypicals??

At this point idk if I'm super defensive with doctors in general, but hold on, how I'm not supposed to feel that way if they are used to ignore illnesses and have zero empathy? (talking in general)

He also told me that maybe my problems and isssues were emotional and psychological (what a surprise🙄) and that I shouldn't expect for the pills to fix me. But dudeeee the only thing I'm expecting is to be a somewhat functional human being. Maybe I'm craving that 'high happiness' that I got the very first time I tried meds years ago that allowed me to see hope, clarity and happiness around me, that allowed me to believe people loved me and give me the energy to dance a funky song. But of course, I can't say that because the doctor would think I'm just wanna be drugged... Not sure if I explained that well...

I don't know if I just need to have more appointments with that psychiatrist to trust him or maybe because he's very young he is somewhat inexperienced in some mental illnesss. Idk what i'm talking about anymore.

In conclusion, idk friend... Idk... I just know that life hasn't been treating us fair to me and my family. Being poor difficults life so much *sigh*. And you would say 'why don't just get a job?' I wish it were that easy.

For real, I feel unable to hold a job, idk why. Please, believe me when I say it's not because I'm lazy. I swear it. Physically, the mental pressure I feel about the thought of working for 8 hours approx, for six days a week in my context (my city/country basically normalizes bad work conditions and work abuse) seems overwhelming. For example, this year I only worked for 1 month approx (which is super embarrasing) as a teacher at an elementary school but the conditions were terrible!!! I didn't even have social security neither I was legally working. They didn't formally hire me in order to evade taxes 😒. One colleage there got covid while working and was sent home without sick leave, this means she didn't get paid those days. In summary, I didn't have worker rights established by law. Did I mention that I was paid LESS that others that began working the same day as me (I was earning minimun wage!!! But I was 'hired' as a bilingual teacher! Can you believe it? Not to mention that I was expected to be speaking in English 100% of time for the children because yeah it was a private school with a mentality of 'parents pay, parents are entitled to order). Lots of problems there, so I quit, but seeing how all my ex classmates are working and overall doing great just makes me feel miserable.

Btw, I just formally received my degree!! Which should be super importand, I should feel proud because I know how much I struggled to get it and how hard I studied, but at the same time I don't feel motivated to celebrate it. My sister and my mom said we should at least go to eat outside but I refused because I know how much we struggle to make ends meet.

Also, I feel super dumb because my abilities at speaking English had become rusty and it's super embarrasing for me, who once were a top student. I don't believe I can do well at English anymore. Actually, writing this post (in a language I'm not native in) is not easy right know.

*Sigh*

Reading fanfiction used to make me happy, maybe my unhealthy coping mechanism, but honestly, I don't feel that much excited anymore about anything. I mean, yeah sometimes I read ff but it doesn't hit the same anymore. Maybe I'm just numb. Or maybe it is just that I can't seem to focus properly to read or even watch a damn movie.

I keep saying 'when I get better I will watch this show and this movie, etc' but it just doesn't happen. And at this point I don't know at what extent it's mental/emotional illness/distress or what is just a product of measuring people's worth based on productivity due to capitalism™...

Anyway. I'm trying myself really hard to just grow up and get a job and accept that we live in a society™~.

Heavens, just let me have a job I don't mind doing that helps me get some money.

The fact that many of our problems would solve if we were rich enough to treat our health speaks volumes about the current society 😢

#everyone deserves to have access to excellent medical services!! #also i'm getting treatment for a rhinitis i'm suffering since the past year #the fact that i suffered MONTHS just because i don't have enough money... because my allergies are getting better with some treatment. #it turns out money CAN buy Health 😒 #personal #a journey

[kingcervix]

On um. dying. and the act of not doing it

aka Tumblr is my personal diary. This is just a ramble (A LONG RAMBLE. this post is massive) about my mental health and stuff. U can read or u can not read it idc, but reblogs r off. I'm writing this here just for me to have it somewhere since I've done posts like these before and since things have changed I'm making an update

Okay welcome to the land beyond the readmore. We're deep into July, so it's been, roughly seven to eight ish months that I've been on a full streak of attempting to "get better" from being suicidal. I tried getting better last summer but I reached a very extreme low point in the following fall and well. Things were really fucking bad, to say the least. So in January I knew I had to change my shit entirely, no half assing it like I've been doing. No pain no fucking gain etc etc.

So where am I now. Well, I'm better. I am and I can say that with complete fucking confidence. I'm not perfect, obviously, and there's always gonna be shit to work on but my progress with this has been really really good. It's been slow going, and my progress feels like it's moving at an imperceptible pace with how I don't really notice it. But every so often I will look back, and I'm always much farther along then I was before, which is amazing.

I don't want to die anymore. And that's where I started, because obviously it was the most prevalent issue. And now I can say that I wholeheartedly do not wish to die in any way, which is. something that was unimaginable to me last year. For the last few years actually. For the last four years, to be wildly specific.

And with all that time in mind, you may be a little confused. "Four years of suicidal ideation and with just a few little months suddenly you're all better?" Not really. If I hadn't made an effort last summer, I'd be way worse off. I was building a foundation to get better before, and yeah a lot of it broke into nothingness but not all of it. And every time I felt like life was maybe just a little bit worth living, it was pushing me through to the other side.

Anyways. so I don't want to die. That was my start. Just the start. After reaching a relatively neutral place with myself (not wanting to kill or hurt myself, and recognizing that I am alive and will continue to be alive), I had to fix my fucking life so my budding progress wouldn't all just instantly go down the drain the next time I had a bad day

So. I went outside a bit more, opened the windows a bit more. I acknowledged my bad habits that fed into my depression and tried to work against them. I let myself just be for a bit, to recover and take time to just fucking stop working. Passively allowing myself the space to heal further, which by god I fucking needed.

I worked through some stuff, got better coping mechanisms, tried to lay a stronger foundation for continuing to be okay. It didn't all stick, and I wasn't suddenly magically cured, and I'm still not, but it was something tangible. It was me making an effort to do things that weren't just in the interest of hurting myself or perpetuating the depressive spirals. Working on better responses to shit like stress. The works.

I did all that, and hell I'm still doing that because it's not some one and done shit, it's stuff I gotta be aware of every time I have a bad day/week, stuff that's just part of life now. Beyond that, I tried to take up some hobbies, I tried to go outside a little bit. Some of it worked, lots of it I still struggle with keeping up on it, but it is something.

After a bit of starting to do better, I went through something that really tested the strengths of my work, and I had a moment of realization during all that bullshit that suicide wouldn't solve shit, nor did I even want to do it. At the time I was dealing with too much to really acknowledge that, but looking back, that was a massive step, the first big struggle I had faced since trying to get better and I hadn't even seen suicide as an option.

Once everyone had taken time to recover from that nightmare, I kept working on getting better. I definitely fell into a bit of a depressive state for about a week at some point, but that's all it ended up being, just some time feeling out of sorts. I didn't once want to hurt or kill myself during that time, and I felt like myself again afterwards.

Anyways, I think the biggest litmus test of how well I have been doing is the fact that I actually envision a future for myself. Even though I had been suicidal and depressed, I hadn't stopped working on and towards things, so it's not like I had nothing to my name, but I hadn't realized it when I was trapped in my own head. At my lowest points, I promised myself that I would never live past a certain age. Now, I can genuinely see myself living on, actually growing old someday. Realizing that I have a future was actually the shock that sent me to make this post. For four years I hadn't been able to see beyond the days I had been stuck in. Now I see that there is so much more out there, and I have so much more life left to live.

For the first time in far too long, I have genuine hope and faith in the world around me.

And now we're at the end of the post. It took me an hour to write all this down, but while writing this I remembered how my old blog is still up somewhere, with my old vents about my suffocating despair, and thinking about it, I want to tell my past self that there is a future out there for us. That for all the seemingly never ending pain, there is love and life out there.

This fall will be another test of strength, and truthfully everyday is a test, and I have so much more work to do just in this realm of conscientiously choosing to make my life better (and I have so much more work to do in other areas) but for now. I have my progress, and I can appreciate it.

#queerhottopic.txt

[dbnightingale24]

Stand By Me

Ransom One Shot

~~

Part 1, Part 2

Alright, this is the final installment to ‘A Disaster From The Start’. This story was only ever supposed to be a one shot, and now y’all have a whole damn novel. I’m so sorry I’m like this 😭.  Now, I already know some of you all will be pissed and some of you will be happy, but I would just like to say that I shed A LOT of tears writing this, so be nice to me lol. I of course meant to make this the shortest one, and it of course became the longest one, sooooo there that. Anyway, without further ado, here y’all go!

Thank you to @pagesoflauren​ for making this amazing mood board. I love you so much 🥺.

Word Count: 44,242 (I’m truly so sorry that I am like this!!)

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS BE GONE), swearing, arguing, crying, emotional cheating, angst, heartbreak, public sex, unprotected sex, heartbreak, drinking, depression, anxiety, smoking, desperation, longing, and I’m sure I missed something. It’s just A LOT.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

I just decided to make y’all a playlist; ‘Stand By Me’

Summary: Deciding that it’s way past time for you to take your life into your own hands, you decide that starting over is the best move for you. However, what happens when there are certain parts that you can’t let go of and move on from?

I do not consent to have any of my works/stories posted elsewhere.

~~

You try and hang on to the little bit of sleep that’s slowly leaving you as you yawn and roll over. You blink up at the ceiling a few times before turning over slightly and looking at the time.

2pm.

You laugh softly to yourself before you gently face palmed yourself. You would sleep in after a huge day. You take a deep breath as you take in the silence of the room. A calmness washes over you. Your eyes water slightly; a small smile comes to your face as you think of everything you went through to get to this point.

Everything you went through to finally find peace and happiness. 

You were alone for all of 1 minute, pacing around in the bridal suite, before Ransom barged in. “Y/N, I’m sorry but I couldn’t-”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” Ryan roared as he stormed in, interrupting,“What the fuck was that little stunt?!”

“You’re real fucking stupid if you didn’t think I’d try to stop this horseshit!”

“Guys please,” you begged softly, your voice weak and small in a room full of teeming anger.

“I’ll deal with you in a minute you little slut!” Ryan snarled at you.

“Fucking watch it,” Ransom warned, his hands already resembling hammer heads.

“Don’t. He has every right-” you say as your voice gets louder and gains strength.

“No he doesn’t! Not when he’s been cheating on you-”

“That doesn’t justify what we did. What I did. I should’ve just-”

“I never cheated on you!” Ryan interjected, and any sense of guilt and remorse you had quickly evaporated.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” you snapped. “At least I didn’t fucking lie! I owned up to my shit and now everyone knows what I did! It’s just the three of us and you’re still going to stand there and fucking lie!?”

“I didn’t do anything that would-”

“Yes you fucking did! Jesus, why did I push for this?! I know I’m a fucking coward, but at least I’m fucking honest! I may not deserve much but I deserve a hell of a lot better than this shit! I’m fucking done. I’m over all of it,” you huffed as you pushed away a few stubborn, rolling tears from your cheeks.

“I get humiliated on our wedding day because you’re a whore, and you’re done?! How does that fucking-”

“Call her a whore one more goddamn time and we’re gonna have a real fucking problem. I’m warning you,” Ransom growled through gritted teeth.

“What the fuck are you gonna do, Hugh? Huh? Throw your money in my face? Say something mean? You’re not gonna fucking do sh-”

Ryan was cut off as Ransom’s fist collided with his face.

“Ransom stop!” you yelled as you ran over to him, trying to pull him away.

“You don’t get to treat her like shit and then speak to her that way!” Ransom yelled, connecting another right cross across his face.

“Hey! That’s enough!” your brother John yelled as he ran in to break it up. “Cut it the fuck out! Hasn’t enough happened already today?!”

“He fucking started it!” Ransom spat as he tried to get out of John’s hold. Sam’s husband, Shawn, ran over to help restrain Ransom.

“You fucking hit me!” Ryan hollered, trying to balance himself as he wiped blood off his chin.

“Cause you called her a fucking whore!”

“That’s enough!” your father yelled as he ran into the fray.

Everything was happening too fast and all at once. You wanted to disappear.

“I can’t...I can’t be here right now. I have to go,” you said so softly that you didn’t think anyone heard you.

“No, we can still go out there and go through with this!” Ryan husked, making his way over to you the best that he could. Everyone stepped between yourself and him to block his path to you.

“What? No! Ryan, I don’t want to marry you. I want nothing to do with you!”

“We can get past this! I know it’s messy right now and we’ve both said some things, but there’s nothing-”

“How much will it fucking take, huh?” Ransom asked as he broke out of Shawn’s grip. “How much will it take for you to leave her alone?”

“This isn’t about money-”

“How much?!” Ransom yelled, his patience emptied.

Ryan was silent as he looked around the room before his gaze landed on you. “$20,000.”

“Fine,” Ransom huffed, before taking out his wallet and throwing a wad of cash at him. “I’ll send the rest to your office. From here on out, you stay the fuck away from her. Understand?”

“Yeah fine,” Ryan muttered, bending down to grab the 20’s and 100’s around him.

“I’m only worth $20,000?” you scoffed in disbelief as you tried to fight back the tears that fell freely. “Between the sex, the loyalty up until the end, and patience I had...I definitely thought I’d be worth more,” you laughed humorlessly. “But I guess $20,000 isn’t bad, either.”

“For the way you’d beg me when you were drunk and desperate, I upped the price from-”

This time, Ryan was cut off by your hand slapping hard across the face. “I feel so sorry for you because you’ll never know true love. Money and greed will always only be a dead end, and that’s tragic,” you weakly smiled.

“I did love-”

“No you didn’t. You loved my money. Money that wasn’t even mine. That’s all it ever was. Fuck off and go to hell,” you sobbed before storming out.

You needed to get out of there.

“I need to...I... I need to get out of here,” you sobbed, grabbing your dress and hiking it up just a little before starting on your way out.

“Where do you wanna go?” Ransom asked, coming up beside you.

“Home, Ransom. I wanna go home,” you begged, finally meeting his gaze.

All Ransom did was nod before taking your hand as he lead you out of the venue that had become your own personal hell.

The entire car ride to the Hamptons you cried. Whenever Ransom asked you if you wanted to talk about it, all you could do was shake your head no. When he stopped to get you water and tissues, you only drank after he pleaded multiple times. By the time you two got home your dress felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds, your feet were sore from your heels, and you had a headache from crying so much.

The minute you got in the house, you went straight up the stairs and went to one of the many guest rooms. Ransom left you alone. You barely waited to get into the room before you started to get undressed. The minute you were completely bare you escaped under the covers. You pulled them as close to you as possible before you cried yourself to sleep.

At some point, while you were sleeping, Ransom brought you some of his clothes. When you woke up there were a pair of boxers and one of his tank tops beside you on the bed. You quietly slipped into them but never actually got out of bed. You could faintly hear Ransom going off on someone from the master bedroom. You knew he was on the phone since you didn’t hear anyone yelling back.

“Wasn’t that the deal, you piece of shit? I paid you the money and you’d leave her alone?...It’ll be there soon enough, so stop fucking calling and texting her...she doesn’t want you, Ryan. It’s over. Someone will be by on Monday to pack up and take her things. Leave her the fuck alone, I’m not gonna warn you again....You think I give a shit about you pressing charges? You got off easy earlier. Hurt or bother her again and you’ll fucking regret it,” he warned harshly before ending the call.

You wanted to get up and kiss him. You wanted to thank him for saving you. You wanted to tell him that you love him, and that he’s the only one for you. You wanted him.

However, no matter how much you tried to put it out of your mind, you just couldn’t forget what he did; how you two had come to be in the position that you were currently in. Yeah, you cheated on Ryan with him, but it wasn’t the same. At the end of the day, you’d cheated on Ryan because you’d never truly loved him and your heart had always belonged to Ransom. Ransom cheated on you because he was childish and needed your attention 24/7.

Ransom cheated because he was an asshole trying to prove a point.

You stayed in bed and kept your feelings to yourself. The only time you got up was to go to the bathroom, but even that was connected to the bedroom, so you really never needed to leave.

Ransom dropped off food and water, but it didn’t matter. You didn’t eat and only took little sips. When he tried to get you out of bed, you just turned away and curled into yourself more. There was no way you could explain how you felt and sleeping with him wasn’t going to help anything. Even though all you wanted was his comfort, you decided it would be best to keep to yourself.

By day 2, Ransom was concerned and a little fed up.

“Listen, I know you wanna be alone, but if you don’t eat something soon, I’m gonna tell Sam and your mother where you are,” Ransom sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not hungry,” you mumbled, rolling over and looking out the window.

“I know you aren’t, Princess, but you can’t keep this up. You need to shower and eat. You need to get out of bed-”

“I fucked up, Ransom. I fucked up so bad,” you sobbed into your pillow.

“You fucked up because I fucked up,” he sighed as he got in next to you, and pulled you close.

“You can’t pin this on you, Ransom. I’m an adult and I make my own choices-”

“I cheated on you, twice. I told you to trust me and then made it so you couldn’t. You didn’t leave because you wanted to, you left because I hurt you and staying was too painful. You got with Ryan in an attempt to get over me. You cheated because I kissed you-”

“I could’ve said no.”

“No, you couldn’t have,” he chuckled softly. “You’re as addicted to me as I am to you. The only way we can keep ourselves at bay is if we’re not alone in the same room, and I don’t just mean sexually.”

“Ransom-”

“You don’t have to argue with me about everything, Princess. This isn’t a play to get you back. I just want you safe and okay,” he smiled weakly as you finally turned and met his gaze.

“I heard you tell Ryan that someone is gonna pack up my stuff. Where is it going?” you sniffled out, drying your eyes to the best of your ability.

“Here, until you find someplace. I mean, this is our home, so I want you to stay here, but I know that isn’t gonna happen. At least, not the way I want it to.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Give him all that money, stop the wedding. Bring me here?”

“Because I love you, Y/N,” he said as if it were most obvious thing in the world. “I would do anything for you and I know...I know it took me too long to figure that out, but I would. To keep you happy, out of harms way, safe...I’d do any and every thing for you.”

Before you could stop yourself, your lips were on his as you gripped him tight.

“Y/N,” he breathed as you two broke apart, “maybe this isn’t the best time for this.”

“For you or for me?”

“The both of us.”

“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop, but don’t stop on my account.”

“Princess, you’re just upset-”

“So make me feel better,” you pleaded softly.

Ransom was just as defenseless against you as you were with him.

“I love you so much,” he moaned as his hands greedily traveled down to the hem of the boxers you were wearing.

“I love you...thank you,” you moaned as lips seared kisses into your neck. “Thank you for saving me.”

“I’ll always do my best for you,” he promised with a soft husk as he undid his own pants. “I’ll always love you. I’m so fucking sorry-”

“Don’t, please. Not right now,” you whined as you felt the tip of him at your entrance. “I just want us to be together right now.”

“Anything you want, baby,” he grunted as he thrust himself inside of you.

“Fuck yes,” you moaned with a silent gasp.

It hadn’t left your mind that, at the moment, you were being the toxic one. You just needed Ransom. You didn’t want words, and him holding you wasn’t enough. So much happened and you just needed to feel Ransom. You needed to feel complete.

“Fuck!” you moaned as he started biting and sucking on your sweet spot as your fingers ran through his hair: “Just like that!”

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he groaned against your ear, picking up his pace. The strained, pleasured look on his face told you he was trying to hold off his own release. “Seeing you in that dress...”

“Ransom! Please, I’m so fucking close!” you whimpered, feeling the knot in your core tighten, as he hit that spot deep within you that always turned you into a puddle for him.

“God, you don’t know how badly I wanted to make love to you in that fucking dress,” he husked as you gripped him tight.

“Ransom!” you cried, feeling your release wash over you.

In one swift move, Ransom was on his back and you were looking down at him, trying to catch your breath as you tried to come down from your high. “I just wanna make you feel good, Princess. Use me until you’re satisfied,” he demanded breathlessly.

You placed your hands on his chest and started to ride him slowly, ignoring the part of you that ached to always have him like this.

To have him forever.

“I love watching you,” he moaned, his hands traveling up your body. “I love when you’re in control.”

“God, you feel so fucking good! You make me feel so fucking good!”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do,” he groaned as his hands cupped your breasts and started to massage them.

“Fuck!”

“Too fucking good for me, babygirl!”

“I need to hear it, Ransom! I need to hear you fucking say it!”

“I love you, Y/N. I always fucking have and I always fucking will!”

“Yes!” you whimpered, coming apart for him again, but doing your best to ride it out. “I love you!”

“Then make me feel that fucking love!” he grunted as he forced himself upright, his hands now exploring your back. “I want you to bring us both off, baby.”

You dipped down and kissed him deeply, letting yourself get lost in him completely. Nothing else in the world mattered besides you and Ransom, and for the time being, you didn’t want anything to come between either of you. Not the pain you two caused each other, not the arguments. Not the fact that being away from him hurt just as much as being with him. Not the fact that reality was awaiting the both of you, and not the fact that you knew it wouldn’t last.

In that moment, all that mattered to you was Ransom.

“You are everything to me,” you breathed against his lips as you two broke apart, both of you keeping a steady pace. “You’ll always be everything...”

“There’s only ever gonna be you for me, no matter what,” he responded with a tremble as one of his hands made their way between your legs. “No matter what.”

“Fuck! I’m so close! So fucking close!” you cried, tears welled in your eyes as you felt your orgasm building and the reality of everything hitting you at once.

“Just let go, baby. Let go for me.”

“Fuck!” you screamed, your nails digging into his back.

“Y/N!” Ransom exclaimed so faintly it was as if you heard the ghosts of his words as he spilled his release into you.

You both stayed that way for a moment, staying lost in each other’s embrace, listening to each other’s labored breaths and feeling each other’s heartbeat. It was almost like heaven.

“Can we just stay here for a few weeks?” you asked, pulling away and looking down at him.

“We can do whatever you want, baby. This is our home and I just want you to be happy.”

“I love you,” you sniffled out, reality slapping you way too hard again.

“I love you,” he smiled weakly, “lets get you cleaned up and then eat something, okay?”

All you could do was nod meekly.

For the next few weeks, you and Ransom played house. About three days after everything happened, you finally answered your boss when they called. You told them you quit. Your boss offered to fire Ryan on the spot, but you told them that it truly had nothing to do with them. You were unhappy and just didn’t want to do it anymore. The phone call took longer than you would have liked, but in the end, they wished you all the best and let you know that you’d have a place there if you ever decided to return.

You didn’t eat a lot for the first few days, but you ate enough for Ransom to not bug you about it. He made all of your favorite meals and they all tasted amazing; you just didn’t have much of an appetite. You drank and slept the days away to the point that he started hiding the alcohol from you.

“Don’t start this argument, Y/N,” Ransom huffed as you followed him into the kitchen.

“I don’t understand why you’re giving me such a hard time!” you snapped, crossing your arms and furrowing your eyebrows. “I’m a fucking adult!”

“You’re drinking too fucking much and it’s gonna become a problem! I’m not telling you to fucking quit, I’m saying to take it easy for a few days!”

“Ransom-”

“No Y/N, you need to take a fucking break!”

“You used to drink yourself stupid and get as high as a fucking kite! Now you’re telling me-”

“You’re not me, Y/N!” Ransom growled at you.

You knew he was right and that he only had your best interest at heart, but you just wanted to wallow. He was getting in the way of that. You screamed in frustration before bursting into the backyard. You were out there for all of 5 minutes before you felt like a complete pile of shit.

Ransom was taking time away from his business(s) to be there for you. He never pushed or asked too much. He gave you all the space you needed. When you wanted to be left alone, he slept in another room. When you wanted affection, he held you until you fell asleep in his arms and was there when you woke up in the morning. When you wanted him, he let you use him up until you were completely satisfied. Ransom had gone above and beyond for you in ways that you would’ve never imagined, and you were being a complete cunt to him because he was worried about you developing a drinking problem. You went from staying outside because you were furious to staying outside because you were ashamed of yourself.

After 4 hours, Ransom came outside and sat next to you by the pool.

“You need to come inside and eat something,” he mumbled as he kissed your shoulder.

“Stop it, Ransom. Stop being so nice to me, I don’t deserve it,” you muttered, not even bothering to look his way.

“Princess, I’m not gonna be mad at you for going through a tough time, so just let that go.”

“Stop pretending that I’m not being a complete bitch!”

“When did I ever say that you weren’t?” he scoffed. “You’ve been a pain in the ass for the last two weeks, but I get it and I’m not gonna get mad at you. Anyone else I’d tell to go and eat shit, but you’re not just anyone else, you know that. I have more patience with you, and it’s not lost on me that a lot of this is my fault. It started with me years ago and this is where it’s ended up. I do have blame in this and I’m not just gonna get frustrated and leave because you’re going through the ringer.”

“Why do you always have to make getting over you so hard?”

“Because I don’t want you to get over me,” he smiled gently.

“I have to find a place,” you sniffled as you wiped your eyes.

“Or you can just stay here. We can stay here.”

“Ransom...don’t. You know I can’t stay here.”

“Why? This was always supposed to be where we-”

“No it wasn’t. You bought this place as an attempt to get me back that ultimately didn’t work.”

“Y/N, I had planned to buy this place the minute we left. I know the way I told you was fucked up and not ideal, but this was always meant to be our home,” he finished sincerely.

“I can’t give you what you want and I hate that, because it means I can’t have what I truly want, but I’m not going to give you false hope. ‘Cause I don’t know what the future holds for us,” you said softly, doing your best to sound as confident as possible. “I can’t just keep jumping into relationships, and I can’t just get back with you because we love one another. I need to be alone for a while. I need to start doing what makes me happy, doing what I love....I need to figure out what I love.”

Ransom sighed and was thoughtful for a moment. “I want you to be happy and I’m not gonna push, but I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. I’m still going to love you and I’ll wait for you. Maybe I’ll be waiting in vain, but I’m not ready to give up hope. Not yet,” he confessed as he cupped your face.

God, why can’t you just let go of the past?

“Help me look for a place?” you questioned, fighting off even more tears.

“I’d love to,” he smiled before kissing you deeply.

In that days that followed, Ransom talked you into moving back to Marlborough, noting that it would be good for you to be by your mother and Sam while you took your time working through everything. He was honest about wanting you to be selfishly closer to him, but he helped you settle on an apartment that was a good distance from him. He had someone pick up your things and get them settled for you, so by the time you got there, you wouldn’t have to do a thing.

“You have to get back, Ransom. You have work-”

“Work is fine. I’ve been checking in and keeping up to date. I’m well aware of what’s going on. I’m ready to leave whenever you are,” he interrupted gently, pulling you close as both laid in bed.

“I’ll never be ready to leave, but this is something I have to do. I’m definitely not ready to sleep alone.”

“You know my bed is always open to you,” he smirked as one of his hands traveled between your legs.

“Ransom,” you moaned “we have to stop.”

“We are stopping, aren’t we?” he husked as he slid two fingers into your aching core. “If everything changes when we get back, shouldn’t we get as much of each other as we can?”

“Baby,” you moaned, your toes curling.

“Just wanna please you one more time. I wanna explore and get lost in you one last time,” he moaned, pressing himself against you so you could feel just how deeply he desired you.

“I’m all yours to explore,” you moaned as you came all over his fingers.

Ransom took his time taking you out of his clothes, kissing every inch of your body that he could get his lips on. When you felt his tongue on your clit, you let out a soft moan as your fingers ran through his hair, loving the way he was taking you apart bit by bit. He was a torment between your legs and by the way he was gripping you, you could tell that he was relishing the response he was pulling from you.

“Need you, baby,” you whimpered after he brought you off for the third time. “Need all of you, please!”

“Just one more time for me, please?” he pleaded breathlessly, looking up at you with your juices glistening on his beard.

All you could do was nod as you softly stroked his face. Ransom quickly dipped back down and dove in, sucking and licking on your clit with so much ferocity while fucking you with his fingers, you came almost instantly. When you did cum, his name escaped your lips like a silent prayer.

“I just wanna commit every part of you to my memory,” he husked after he kissed his way up your body. “Your scent, your smell, the feel of you...I wanna remember all of it,” he moaned as he thrust himself inside of you.

“Fuck! Take what you need from me! I wanna give you everything...all of me,” you cried, as you clenched around him, wanting to stay tangled up in the sheets with him forever

“You’re so fucking perfect, did you know that? Everything about you...fuck,” he groaned, looking down at you, a beautiful mess beneath him. “So fucking gorgeous! God, I love you so much!”

You pulled him close and kissed him deeply as your back arched, trying to get as close, and as much of him, as possible.

“I swear God made you just for me,” he husked against your lips as his movements started to become erratic.

“I need it, Ransom! Need to feel you deep inside of me, please!” you cried, the knot in your core tightening to it’s breaking point.

“Need to hear you say it, baby. Always need to hear you say it,” he begged breathlessly.

“I love you, Ransom. I’ll always love you!” you confessed with a sob as you came apart for him.

“Shit!” he groaned, spilling his seed into you as he did his best to ride out both of your highs.

Ransom had you two more times that night before you both succumbed to sleep, but that didn’t last long because he woke you up a few hours later with his head between your legs. The next morning, you both stayed in bed for hours, just holding one another and trying to avoid the inevitable. If you were being honest with yourself, Ransom being so supportive was making everything that much harder.

You knew how much he wanted you to choose him and to just go back with him, but he knew it was something you needed to do. He knew that you wouldn’t truly be happy until you got back to your old self. Ransom truly had done his best to be better for you, and it made you fall even harder for him, and you didn’t think that was even possible.

However, the past still stung.

The entire drive to Marlborough was silent. You two held hands but couldn’t stand to look at one another. How was it possible to love someone so much, and still not be able to be able to trust them? Why couldn’t your heart just let go of him or the past?

He pulled up to the registration office and waited for you while you went inside to sign a few papers and pick up your keys. You’d settled for a two bedroom apartment at Talia (Ransom insisted that if you were determined to have an apartment, it should be a luxury one), just in case your niece or Sam ever wanted to sleepover, they’d have their own space. Ransom drove you to your side of the complex and you both just sat in silence.

“Do you want me to go up with you?” he asked so softly you barely heard him.

“No, because then I’ll never be able to let you leave, and that defeats the whole purpose of this,” you sniffled out, looking up to the third floor.

“What does this mean for us, Princess?”

“I wish I could tell, Ransom. I really do, because then I’d know for myself,” you chuckled humorlessly as your tears continued to flow freely. “I wanna pay you back, Ransom. The money-”

“No, you don’t owe me for that. You don’t owe me for anything.”

“Ransom please. I just...I need to, okay? You and everyone tried to talk me out of that stupid wedding, but I was just so afraid...just let me do it, please?”

His heavy sigh let you know that he’d let you pay it back.

“I should get up there and start unpacking and everything, and you need to get back to running your restaurants,” you smiled weakly.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“And I love you,” sniffled before kissing him deeply then getting out of his car.

You grabbed your bag from his backseat and made your way inside. Ignoring the mind numbing pain that always showed itself when you left Ransom.

The first two months were brutal. Sam spent two weeks at your place, just holding you at night while you cried. You told her that she didn’t need to stay, but she was worried. Your mother came by a lot to help you decorate and made you food, while you just sulked and kept an eye on your phone.

Always waiting to hear from him.

However, Ransom was good and respectful. He only text to check in and make sure you were okay. You could always tell when he was drunk because he’d always text you how much he loved and missed you, and you never responded to those texts because you knew you’d cave. He’d always apologize the next day though and promise to never do it again.

Your brother and father would stop by and keep your mind occupied with talks of sports and politics, which you secretly appreciated because it really did take your focus off of everything, but when they left everything was silent and painful again.

By the third month, you decided that it was really time for you to get a job.

You told yourself that you were done with the corporate world and you just wanted something more suited to your personality. You’d considered becoming a dog groomer, but the thought of potentially hurting a dog sent your anxiety through the roof. You’d always loved writing, and were sure that Harlan would help you if you needed it, but you didn’t see yourself becoming all that successful with it. Art was the one thing you’d always been passionate about, but that felt way too personal. That was just for you.

At the end of the day, you’d decided that becoming a florist was the way to go. No, it wasn’t a high paying job like your family wanted, but financially, you were more than fine. You’d always loved plants and they always calmed you. So, you applied at a few local shops and worked on a few paintings while you waited to find to find out.

The minute you found out you were hired, you sent the text without even thinking.

Y/N: I GOT THE JOB!!

Only One: What job? Lol

Y/N: I applied to work at local flower shop and I got it! Well...I applied at a few, but I got the one I really wanted!!

Only One: Lol that’s great, Princess. Come over to the restaurant tonight and we’ll celebrate.

Y/N: Yeah?

Only One: Why not? This is something worth celebrating! I’m proud of you, babe. I promise to be on my best behavior.

You were thoughtful before you responded. You knew that saying no would be in your best interest, but you missed him so much. Plus, you two would be at the restaurant. It would be full of people.

Y/N: What time and which restaurant?

Only One: Sunshine and let’s say...7?

Y/N: I’ll see you then :)

You were more excited than you should have been about seeing him, but you were confident that you’d be on your best behavior. You tried not to over think your outfit, but you couldn’t stop it.

No matter what, you always wanted to look good for him.

When you walked inside, you saw him sitting at the bar, looking just as nervous as you felt. You couldn’t stop the smile that came to your face even if you had wanted to. As you started on your short trip to where he was, he looked over and flashed you the biggest smile.

God, you’d missed him so much.

“Congrats Princess!” he beamed, engulfing you in a tight that you happily returned as you took in his scent.

He smelled so fucking good. You hadn’t realized how much you could miss a scent until you left Ransom the first time.

“Thanks! I’m oddly excited about it,” you chuckled as you two broke away from each other and you took a seat on the stool next to him. Ransom was about to say something, but stopped short as he looked you over and chuckled. “What?” you smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” he smirked, shaking his head.

“Now you have to tell me!” you laughed.

“I thought I lost that shirt,” he motioned towards the AC/DC shirt you were wearing.

“You never wore it!”

“I was gonna!”

“Ransom, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never worn this shirt!”

“I was going to at some point! Maybe I would’ve been wearing it if I could’ve found it. You’ve been running around in it in Massachusetts, raising hell. I’m missing a black Henley sweater too. That your doing as well?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

When a coy smile came to your face, he scoffed.

“You’re such a fucking thief!”

“It’s so comfortable!” you groaned as he started laughing. “I couldn’t help myself!”

“You stole it that Christmas you stayed at my house, didn’t you?”

“You’re the one who let me sleep in it!”

“Wow, the criminal blaming the victim? That’s a low blow, even for you, Y/N,” Ransom sighed, feigning hurt feeling.

“Fuck off Drysdale,” you giggled.

“I’m putting my wallet in my other pocket. Who knows what else you’re capable of stealing.”

“I’m gonna hit you in a minute,” you laughed.

“Abusive too?! Jesus!” he gasped before letting a coy smirk play on his lips. “Usual, Princess?”

“Yes please,” you smiled at him.

From that moment on, the conversation flowed effortlessly, and nothing felt out of place at all. It felt as if you were catching up with your best friend after months apart, because in all honesty, you were.

Time flew by and before either of you had realized, it was time to go.

“You’d think that because I own the place I’d be able to keep it open as long as I want,” he muttered as the bar tender dropped off the bill.

“People have lives,” you chuckled as you pulled out your wallet. “If you wanna stay here so bad, you make the drinks.”

“What? No? That’s fucking annoying,” he mumbled, taking out his own wallet.

“Such a spoiled little shit,” you mused as the bar tender came back and you attempted to give him your card.

“Yeah, don’t take that card, she’s a crazy person,” Ransom teased, swatting your hand away. “Everything on this card,” he nodded before tossing the guy his card.

“Ransom! I can pay for myself-”

“I know I know, but I was recently given $50,000. I think I can handle this,” he smirked.

“I’m a working woman now, I can-”

“It’s a gift, Princess. I wanted to celebrate your success, so it’s only right that I pay for it,” he smiled softly.

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach and shoved your wallet back into your jean pocket. “Next hangout is on me.”

“It’s a deal.”

You both took your time getting your things together and getting to your car, as always, trying to prolong the inevitable. By the time you both got your car, both you were trying to prolong the conversation about your love of plants.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around sometime, Princess,” Ransom smiled as you two stood by your car. “Are you okay to get home?”

“I only had 4 drinks.”

“4 Jack and Coke doubles.”

“4 drinks.”

“Jesus, what am I gonna do with you?”

“That’s something you’ve never been able to figure out, isn’t it?” you smirked.

“I’m not taking that bait,” he laughed. “Just let me know-”

“Come over,” you interjected before you could stop yourself.

“What?”

“You haven’t actually seen the new place and, after 4 remodels by yours truly, it’s finally in its final form.”

“Princess...are you sure?”

“We’re both adults, right? Just because you’re coming over doesn’t mean anything has to happen,” you sighed. “I’m just not ready to say goodnight yet..are you?”

“I’m never ready to leave you, Princess,” he confessed softly.

You both wordlessly agreed to go back to your place; him following you even though you knew he remembered the way back to your place.

There was an awkward silence as you both rode the elevator to the third floor, both of you shifting weight from foot to foot as both did your best to avoid eye contact.

When it finally landed on your floor, you both let out a silent sigh of relief as you quickly made your way out.

Why was this so awkward? Why couldn’t anything ever just be simple?

“Welcome to Casa De Y/N,” you laughed nervously as opened your door and let you both in.

“Huh,” Ransom scoffed as he looked around.

“What?” you questioned as you toed off your shoes.

“Nothing, it’s just...this feels like you. It’s nice to see how you like things.”

“You were in my dorm room all the time.”

“Yeah, but that was how long ago now? You’re different now, so your style’s changed, which is why I’m guessing don’t see any terrible band posters hanging up,” he smirked as he kicked off his own shoes.

“The Arctic Monkeys are a great band! You’re just jealous.”

“Just another generic British band,” he shrugged as he made his way around your apartment.

“A true hater,” you mumbled as you grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Princess,” Ransom laughed awkwardly from what you assumed was your bedroom.

“It doesn’t have to be alcohol, Ransom,” you sighed, slowly making your way to your room. “I don’t want this to be awkward, Ransom. Why is this awkward?”

“You know why it’s awkward, Princess.”

“I just want to see you...I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, baby. Which is why this is so fucking hard. I can contain myself in public, that’s one thing. However, when we’re alone...like this,” he continued lowly, slowly making his way over to you “all I can do is think about what I wanna do to you. How much I love you and how badly I wanna make you feel that love,” he all but growled as he pinned you against the wall.

“Ransom,” you moaned softly, the feel of his breath on your neck driving you wild.

“I was so happy when you text me and so fucking proud you,” he groaned and you could tell that he was trying restrain himself. “I thought I could just take you out and that would be that, but when I saw you...you’re mine Y/N,” he growled.

“Fuck Ransom,” you whimpered, arching your back so that your chest was pressed up against his, desperate to feel any part of him.

“So, in order for me not fuck up any progress that’s been made, I should leave right now, because I know that tight little cunt is dripping for me and I need a taste so fucking bad,” he husked.

All you could do was nod.

Ransom lingered for a moment, fighting the urge to do what he really wanted, before he forced himself away from you and rushed out of your room and out of your apartment. You took a few deep breaths before unzipping your jeans and sliding your hand down your panties, desperate to relieve the pressure from your aching core.

Ransom’s name left your lips like a silent prayer as you got closer to your climax, like it did every other night. You were just about to be sent over the edge when you heard a pounding on your door.

Desperately hoping for your night to take a turn for the better, you rushed to open it, only to find yourself slight disappointed to see Sam standing there with two bottles of wine, one bottle of tequila, and a plastic bag full of something.

She looked you over and raised an eyebrow. “I just saw a very flustered Ransom-”

“Nothing happened,” you sighed, stepping aside to let her in before closing the door. “Do you think I’d look so depressed if it had?”

“Fair point, babe,” she laughed as you made way over to your kitchen sink and washed your hands.

You definitely were getting off that night.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint.”

“It’s better this way, honestly. I was moments away from grabbing my phone and begging him to come back.”

“Have you tried fucking anyone other than Ransom since you decided to take time off from dating?”

“I wasn’t even trying to fuck him, Sam. It’s just different with him. I love him, we all know this, and it’s just never gonna change.”

“It’s been how many years now?” she asked as she opened the tequila.

“A long time. What’s going on?” you asked grabbing two glasses.

“No, we’re talking about you right now.”

“Sam, you’re here unannounced, a lot of alcohol, and a bag full of...”

“Hair dye, I figured we’d dye each other’s hair, theeennnn tomorrow, we can get tattoos!” she beamed as she took a glass from you.

“Sam, this is freshman year of college all over again...and freshman year of high school. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know how much longer Shawn and I are going to be together,” she sighed as she poured you both a tall glass of tequila.

“What?! Why?!” you questioned, quickly sitting by her on the sofa.

“I just feel things changing between us. No, I don’t think he’s cheating, but I definitely don’t keep his attention like I used to. He used to love just hanging out at home, watching movies together, going on trips together, and hiking...now, it just feels like he would rather be anywhere else,” she sobbed.

“Have you tried talking to him-”

“Multiple times, but he just says it’s all my imagination and I have nothing to worry about. He swears he’s just as in love with me as he was the first time we met.”

“Hun, maybe he has something special planned for you two?”

“No, because you can just tell. You can tell when things change. You felt it with Ryan.”

“That was a different,” you quickly interjected. “I stayed for all the wrong reasons. I stayed to avoid...that doesn’t matter right now,” you smiled weakly as you cleared your throat. “So, you think the solution is dying your hair?”

“That and tattoos, because it’ll make me feel young, and that’s something I’ll need since I’ll be back on the market.”

“I really don’t think he’s gonna leave you, babe,” you sighed mournfully. “However, if this is what you wanna do, it’s what we’re gonna do,” you smiled at her.

“I love you,” she sobbed as she engulfed you in the tightest hug she could garner at that point.

“I love you too, babe. Forever and always.”

You two stayed up singing 90’s pop hits and 80’s metal loud and off key, ordering way too much pizza, dying each other’s hair, going through the tequila she bought, and ended up watching black and white movies until 4am.

“Did it hurt this much?” Sam drunkenly asked as you both laid in your bed, drunk as hell and fighting sleep.

“Hmm? Did what hurt this much?” you asked groggily.

“Saying goodbye to Ransom? Each time...tonight.”

“I don’t think there’s any pain in the world that can compare to that, honestly. We almost had everything and then...then we didn’t,” you sighed, fighting back tears.

“I still don’t think he’s worthy of you, but I hate that I think that. I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you, and I really do wish he was it, because you both love each other so much. Ya know, I saw you two out one night, after you told me you’d been sleeping with him regularly...the way he held and looked at you, the way he made sure that you were never too far from him...I don’t think I’ve ever had that with Shawn. Don’t get me wrong, I know Shawn loves...loved me, but it was never as deep as you and Ransom’s love, which always made me kind of jealous, and I guess, angry with Ransom. I guess I can’t blame him though,” Sam sighed as she rolled over and wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close to her.

“Oh, why is that?” you chuckled, still fighting sleep as you settled yourself so she could lay her head on your chest.

“Ransom’s never really had anyone to love or care for. It’s always ever been him for himself. He didn’t have siblings, his family sucked, his parents are the worst, and he was just kind of left to his own devices to figure it all out. When all you have are shitty examples to follow...it just makes sense,” she sighed as she started to drift in and out of consciousness.

“He had his grandparents,” you countered with a scoff.

“Which, according to you, he wasn’t around a lot.”

“Sam-”

“I’m not trying to push you towards him, Y/N. I’m honestly not, I’m just saying that the love you two have for one another is like something out of a fairy tale, and I’d give anything for that...especially if it could save my marriage,” she sobbed quietly.

You hugged Sam tight as she cried, kissing the top of her head softly, and just stroked her arm softly before she finally fell asleep.

You were ready for bed yourself, before you decided it would be best to text Ransom and apologize for the way the night ended. You were genuinely surprised when you grabbed your phone and saw a text from him from hours ago.

Only One: I’m sorry, Princess. Honestly. Having you that close to me and alone...it’s been a while babe, and I love you so much. I’ve missed you so much and I promise it won’t happen again...not unless you want it to. I’m completely at your mercy at this point. I always have been and always will be. Please rest, okay? I love you and I’ll talk to you...whenever you want to talk to me.

You wiped away your tears and set your phone aside before deciding that you’d had enough and were ready for bed.

When Sam woke you up a few hours later, you could’ve strangled her.

You knew she was going through a hard time, but the both of you were almost 40. All night benders weren’t as nice to you the next day as they were when you were 24.

“Tattoos! We have to get tattoos!” she whined as she pulled you up.

“You were serious about that?” you asked groggily as you focused on keeping your eyes open.

“I was serious about it in high school and college, why wouldn’t I be serious about it now?”

“Because we’re almost 40,” you groaned before laying back down and pulling the cover over your head.

“Y/N!” Sam snapped, pulling the cover off your head and glaring at you.

“Okay okay, can we at least get breakfast?” you groaned, finally opening your eyes completely.

“If you get the fuck up,” she snapped with a scowl.

“Sam, it’s 11:30am. What the fuck?”

“We’re walk-ins! The earlier we get in, the better!” she whined, getting off the bed and scrambling to get her shoes on. “We should get it over with now!”

“Oh, that’s real romantic,” you scoffed, sitting up and giving yourself a moment to get yourself together.

“You know you’re my only true love,” she giggled, poking her head back into your room before tossing your shoes in.

“Sam, at least let me shower first!”

“No time! Get up!” she yelled from your kitchen.

You groaned, but grabbed your phone before forcing yourself out of bed. The first, second, and technically third time you left Ransom, you weren’t much better. The last time you forced yourself away from Ransom , Sam stayed with you for 2 weeks and never complained.

However, you really didn’t believe that Shawn was going to leave her.

Maybe she didn’t believe like she and Shawn had the same connection you and Ransom had, but the way Shawn spoke to you about her had you believing there was more to the story. So, against your better judgment, you text Ransom and asked him to meet you for lunch. You didn’t wanna think about the night before and hopefully he wouldn’t bring it up.

In the meantime, Sam talked you into two tattoos instead of one.

“Honestly, we should just spend the rest of the day getting tattoos,” Sam laughed as you two left the parlor.

“Missy, you need to get home. Shawn has sent me multiple texts asking if you’re with me and if you’re okay.”

“It’s only because I’ve been ignoring his calls,” she shrugged as she took out a cigarette and lit it.

“Sam!”

“What? I’m just not ready for him to ask me for a divorce.

“Sam, he’s concerned! He’s not going anywhere!”

“You can care about someone and still not feel right being with them.”

“Don’t I know it?” you scoffed, taking out your own cigarette.

“Y/N, you know I didn’t-”

“I know and it’s fine,” you smiled after exhaling a cloud of smoke. “You should go home to him though. He misses you, Sam. He misses you and genuinely loves you. Everything will make sense sooner or later, I’m sure of it,” you smiled at her.

“You really think so?”

“He’s been obsessed with you since he was a shitty drummer in a shitty band,” you smiled at her.

“College feels like forever ago,” she chuckled. “We were so young and stupid then.”

“We’re still stupid, just older now,” you laughed.

“Ya know, I make it a point to not keep people around, but I’ve known you since I was...7? I’m really happy you stuck around. I’m really happy to have you by my side through everything,” she smiled with misty eyes.

“I’m here always and forever, you know that,” you promised, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Fuck, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she humorlessly chuckled as she hugged you back just as tight, allowing a few tears to fall.

“I’ve done nothing, and if you get home and everything seems or feels terrible, you come back to my place. Okay?”

“I don’t wanna bother-”

“You come to my place if it’s too much. I mean it.”

“Thank you,” she smiled as she wiped away a few lone tears. “You know that I didn’t mean anything-”

“I do and you don’t need to worry about it. Ransom and I...we’re as complicated as they come,” you scoffed.

“Do you need to talk about it? Do you want to?”

“We spend too much time worrying about me,” you laughed. “I’m truly okay.”

“If you need me...”

“I know,” you smiled. “You’re always there, babe. Just get home and be with him. I know it’s gonna work itself out,” you smiled at her.

“Okay,” she said firmly before clearing her throat. “I’m gonna buy some jewelry from this place before going home and you...?”

“I’ll be fine. Honestly, please don’t worry about me. If I need you, I’ll call you,” you promised.

Sam just gave you a small nod before heading inside the tattoo parlor. You watched her for a few moments before getting into car and driving off. For once, you didn’t feel too bad about going to see Ransom. You weren’t acting upon your own selfish desires, you genuinely were concerned for Sam, and Ransom was the only way that you could connect the dots.

You text him and let him know that you would be a little late, but let him know you’d be there soon.

Sam just gave you a small nod before heading inside the tattoo parlor. You watched her for a few moments before getting into car and driving off. For once, you didn’t feel too bad about going to see Ransom. You weren’t acting upon your own selfish desires, you genuinely were concerned for Sam, and Ransom was the only way that you could connect the dots.

You text him and let him know that you would be a little late, but let him know you’d be there soon.

When you finally arrived at the coffee shop, he was sitting there, sipping what you were assuming was an espresso (his favorite), and looking better than he had any right to.

‘Annoying piece of shit,’ you thought to yourself as you made your way over to him.

“Hey,” he smiled at you as you took a seat.

“Hey,” you responded barely making eye contact with him as you took a seat. “I’m sorry to ask to meet-”

“You dyed your hair?” Ransom questioned, taking note of the blue streaks in your hair.

“Yeah, well, Sam came over and did it while we drank and talked.”

“Oh,” he laughed “she’s in one of those moods, huh?”

“Well, that’s why I asked you to meet me,” you started nervously. “I know you’re friends with Shawn and I was wondering if...what?” you questioned when he scoffed.

“Nothing Princess. What were you wondering?”

“No, tell me because you’re very clearly annoyed by something,” you snapped crossing your arms. Now it was your turn to be annoyed.

“Everything that happened last night and you wanna talk about Sam and Shawn?”

“Ransom-”

“Why can’t you just move past it?!” he quipped as he slammed his hand down on the table, gaining a few stares.

Your blood started to boil and you snapped.

“You don’t think I’ve tried? You don’t think I want to?! Every time I think I’ve gotten past it and can try again with you, I fucking remember! It’s not enough that I know you cheated twice, I fucking caught you in the act the second time!” you yelled.

“Y/N-”

“You think this is fun for me?” you continued, your eyes starting to water. “You think its fun for me to be painfully in love with you and also terrified that you’ll hurt me again? You don’t think I wanna just pick an emotion and fucking stick with it?! Being with you hurts just as much as not being with you, and my head and my heart can’t come to an agreement! So no, as much as I want and have tried to move past it, I fucking can’t!” you huffed, your whole body humming with anger and pain.

“I’m sorry, Princess. I don’t know why-”

“Ya know what? Fuck this, I don’t know why I...ugh!” you grunted as you pushed your chair out and furiously wiped your eyes.  “I’ll just talk to Shawn myself!”

“Y/N, please don’t go,” Ransom pleaded, following you after he threw some money down on the table.

“You didn’t wanna fuck me last night because you didn’t wanna ruin any potential progress that had been made, well what the fuck do you think you just did?!” you questioned as you continued your angry walk to your car.

“Princess, I’m sorry. I’m just...I know I won’t fuck up like that ever again and if you could just-”

“I did, Ransom! I did and you turned around and did the same thing!” you cried, finally turning to face him when you reached your car. “You think I don’t want to just be with you? That I’m not frustrated with myself? God, you are everything to me and all I want is to just...move on! I want to be with you so bad, but I look at you and I remember. I look at you and feel everything, because, fuck! You are everything!” you sobbed.

Before you could register what was happening, Ransom’s arms were around your waist and he pulled in for a kiss that was so deep and passionate, your legs almost gave out.

“I know I have no right to want or ask anything of you,” he stated breathlessly once you two broke apart “but please just try again. Believe in us now like you did before.”

His eyes held so much promise, love, regret, fear, and desperation. The hope that had been there years ago was almost completely gone.

It truly broke your heart.

“I can’t do this with you, Ransom,” you responded, looking away from him as you tried to keep your composure. “It all just hurts too much.”

“And I know that. I know this all my damn fault, but if you could just-”

“I want to. I want to so fucking bad, but fuck, if you could just hear and see everything that’s going on inside my heart and my brain...”

“Y/N, what if we just-”

“I keep telling you not to wait for me for a reason. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for this again. For us,” you cried softly.

“For me, there’s only you. There’s only ever going to be you,” he promised softly, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’ve tried to drown myself in pussy, pills, and booze, in an attempt to move on from you, but I just can’t. I don’t want to hurt or stress you. I don’t want to turn your life upside down and I don’t want to complicate things for you. The only thing I want is to love and be with you forever. I wanna get married and have kids with you. I want to grow old with you and die in your arms. I wanna keep laughing at the same stupid jokes we’ve been laughing about for years. I wanna see your face light up when you watch ‘Roman Holiday’. I want everything and then some with you, if you could just give me another chance,” he begged desperately.

“Why couldn’t you figure this out before?! Why did you have to lose me in order for you to figure all of this out?!”

“Because I’m a fool, Y/N. I was a little fool who thought he was invincible. I never thought I’d fall in love and then you came along. You came along and changed everything for me, and I tried my hardest to pretend it wasn’t happening, but you took over my heart and soul. The last time you left...I finally figured it out. I knew that if you ever took me back, I’d never do another thing to hurt or make you sad. I’d never take you or your love for granted again,” he sobbed.

“Ransom...I just don’t know. I don’t know if I can ever move past what went wrong, which is why you should take the opportunity to move on if it ever comes along.”

“That’s what you’re not getting,” he chuckled humorlessly. “I’ve tried to move on. Fuck, I want to move on because it’ll be best for and help you, but I can’t. I have tried so many times...your face is all I see. No matter how much pussy I bury myself in, no matter how many times I get off, no matter how fucked up I get, and no matter how much I try and let myself move on...everything comes back to you.”

“Ransom-”

“I can’t move on from you and I don’t want to. I don’t want you to move on from me, because I am so fucking selfishly in love with you. If I had known then what I know now, things would have gone so differently. I would’ve gotten it right the first time.”

“But you didn’t ,” you responded softly, wiping away your tears.

“I can get it right this time though, I promise. I can be the man you need me to be,” he pleaded desperately.

“I can’t be here right now, I have to go ,” you sniffled, drying your eyes.

“Princess-”

“Ransom, I have to go. I can’t be around you right now. Not like this,” you sobbed, wiping away your tears before turning and opening your car door.

“I’m begging-”

“I know and I wish I could...I wish I was strong enough,” you confessed in almost a whisper. “I’ll be seeing you,” you smiled weakly.

The tears that welled in Ransom’s eyes let you know that he remembered and understood the reference, which just made your heart hurt even more.

It didn’t help that when you got into your car and started it, Billie Holiday’s version of ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ started playing.

You wanted to go home, but you knew that being alone wasn’t in your best interest.

So, in a matter of 15 minutes, you found yourself at what was now your mother’s place.

“Well, this is a welcomed surprised,” she beamed as she stepped aside to let you in.

“I half expected for you and Dad to greet me,” you chuckled, trying to mask your own heartbreak.

“I guess that was pretty obvious, huh?” she laughed. “It’s over now though, just like I thought it would be, but it was nice. For a moment, we almost had it all,” she smirked at you before grabbing a glass and starting to make drinks for the both of you.

“What made you leave?”

“I always knew I would,” she sighed, sitting next to you on the sofa and handing you your drink, “but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. I just wanted to pretend that things were the way they were when we were kids for a while.”

“What do you mean you knew you’d always leave?”

“During the divorce...I just knew. I let myself believe that he really had nothing before, when in reality, he had everything. He had me, your brother, and you. That was enough for him until it wasn’t, and I tell myself that I put up with so much so that you would know what you shouldn’t deal with. In return, you showed me that I deserve better. I’ll always love your father and I miss him, but I should have let go and moved on a long time ago,” she sighed before taking a sip of her drink. “Love is the most addictive drug of all time,” she chuckled.

“That’s what I keep telling myself with Ransom,” you sighed, taking a sip of your own drink.

“Oh, you and Ransom are complete opposites from your father and I,” she scoffed. “I’ve spoken to him multiple times at length. He got it right where your father got it wrong. Of course, it took him too long to figure it out, but he knows that he has everything with you. You are his beginning and end.”

“I don’t know how it’s so easy for you to take his side when-”

“I never wanted to like Ransom. Especially for you. It’s extremely easy for me to hate him, but at the end of the day, your father chose all of that shit over his family long before Ransom came along. I thought Ransom was a piece of shit, honestly, but then I saw how he looked at you. Mainly, how he looked at you when you weren’t paying attention. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that you two were sleeping together. Hell, your father probably would’ve figured it out if he weren’t so fucking busy...anyway, after I put two and two together, I paid closer attention to him. At some point in June, he got rid of that hideous pinky ring, and then you randomly went away for a week at the same time he was,” she scoffed before taking a sip of her drink.

“You noticed all of this and said nothing?”

“You were an adult, Y/N. You had to make your own choice and, I’d like to think, with you seeing me be unable to pull myself away from your father, it showed you how to be stronger for yourself. In return, seeing you be so strong gave me the strength I needed to leave your father.”

“Yet you’re still team Ransom?”

“I’m team whatever makes you happy, but I know you inside and out. You love hard, and for you to still love him this much and be conflicted, that’s something worth exploring,” she smiled softly.

“I caught him, Ma. With my own eyes and I just...I wanna either decide to make it work with him or just move on, but the thought of moving on feels wrong and like a betrayal, but every time I think I’m strong enough to give it another try, I remember. I remember walking in on them and him shattering my heart for the second time. Fuck, why couldn’t he just get it right the first time?” you cried as your mother put her drink down and wrapped in a tight hug. “ I just want to take him back and I can’t, and it hurts so fucking much,” you sobbed into her shoulder.

“I know, babygirl. I know,” she sighed, stroking your back softly, sniffling a  little herself.

You cried to your mother for what felt like forever, before you got yourself together and made the both of you dinner. She told you about business ventures that she was thinking of pursing and you told her that you’d start your new job at the ‘The Floral Gallery’ on Friday.

“A florist, huh?” she smirked as you two did dishes. “It’s very fitting.”

“Trust me, I made a chart and crossed off so many things,” you scoffed as she laughed. “Ransom took me out last night to celebrate.”

“How’d that go?”

“It was fine until the end, which was really my fault. I’m the one who invited him over.”

“Why would you-”

“I just wasn’t ready to say goodnight. I wasn’t ready to be without him. Dinner went so well and we had so much fun...I laughed so hard. It was perfect. So, I invited him over with the innocent intention of just talking and maybe watching a movie, but we were alone and that made all the difference. He left before anything happened and as he was leaving, Sam came over-”

“Which is why I’m guessing you have blue streaks in your hair,” your mother chuckled.

“It wasn’t even my idea this time!” you defended as she laughed. “She’s going through something with Shawn and wanted have a girl’s night. We drank, ordered shit, dyed each other’s hair, and passed out. We went for tattoo’s today.”

“Why do you keep getting those damn things?” she groaned as you laughed.

“I’ve only ever gotten tattooed with Sam and I only have 4. You’ll be fine,” you chuckled. “Anyway, since Shawn and Ransom are friends, I figured I’d ask him what’s going on with him.Which resulted in me showing up here and crying,” you chuckled humorlessly.

“What’s going on with Sam and Shawn?!”

“She’s convinced that he’s gonna leave her and I just don’t see it. He’s so in love and obsessed with her...”

“No, she’s definitely over thinking that. He worships her.”

“I’m just gonna ask him directly. Probably what I should’ve done in the first place,” you sighed as you put the last dish away.

“Y/N, you will come to a decision at some point, and whatever you choose will be the right thing because you chose it,” your mother smiled reassuringly.

“Yeah, cause I’ve been making such good choices lately,” you laughed as you shook your head.

“Y/N, you have been making good choices and no matter what, I am so proud of you. You’ve been so strong and have showed so much strength in these last few months. Give yourself some credit and hold your head high. It’s all gonna workout as it should,” she smiled sincerely.

“On that note,” you smiled with misty eyes “I should get home.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.”

“Y/N-”

“Mom, I promise I’ll be okay. If I need you, I’ll call you,” you smiled.

You gave her one last hug before making your way out and heading home. The minute you got inside your apartment, you grabbed a bottle of wine, sat down on the sofa, and turned on ‘The Notebook’, letting yourself wallow in the last time you saw it.

“I’m not watching the fucking Notebook,” Ransom scoffed as he pulled you close to him in your bed.

Your parents had to decided to go on a little weekend summer trip, and there was no way you were spending time alone now that you and Ransom had finally told each other how you two truly felt about each other.

“It’s either this or Roman Holiday,” you laughed.

“Y/N!” Ransom groaned only causing you to laugh harder.

“Watch this with me and we can play with the new toy you got me,” you smirked.

“How long is this dumb movie?” he questioned, grabbing the remote as fell into a fit of laughter.

As the movie went on, you felt Ransom lightly tracing over thighs with his fingertips, and you giggled while swatting his hand away and telling him to be patient.

“That’s gonna be us one day,” you slightly moaned as Ransom planted soft but feverish kisses along the column of your neck, trying to keep your eyes focused on the screen in front of you.

“Hmmm?” Ransom questioned, stopping and following your gaze. “What? Old in a nursing home?”

“No,” you chuckled softly. “We’re gonna be Noah and Ally. Old, happy, in love, and devoted to each other even though one of us will have dementia. Dancing to our favorite song.”

“You want that with me?” he questioned, and the tone of surprise made your heart hurt just a little.

“If this works out like we’re both hoping...there’s no one else I see a future with. No one else I want a future with. I want everything with you,” you smiled sincerely at him.

Almost instantly, all traces of lust left Ransom’s eyes and were replaced by love, happiness, and hope. He cupped your face in his hands kissed you deeply and you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him as close to you as possible.

“Let me see where I hid that toy,” chuckled breathlessly as you two broke apart.

“We can do that later,” he smirked at you. “I like this for now...what’s the song they’re dancing to?”

“‘I’ll Be Seeing You’.”

“It’s fitting...I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, whenever I have to say bye to you for a while, I’ll think of this moment and this song. It’s not forever, just for a little while, and that’s something I can deal with,” he whispered softly into your hair before pressing a kiss to it.

You shed a single tear at the memory as the credits started to roll on your screen. You’d decided that you’d done enough for the day and it was time to call it a day, telling yourself you’d just talk to Shawn on your own at some point. You really just needed a break from every thing and everyone.

That included Ransom.

You tried to force yourself to sleep, but nothing seemed to help. By the time 7am rolled around, you were more than ready to go to Shawn’s and figure out what the hell was going on between him and Sam.

Well, that you were determined to focus on anything and anyone other than Ransom.

“Ya know, most people make an appointment to see. They don’t just barge into my office,” Shawn smirked as he made his way in, a few folders in hand.

“Lucky for you, I’m not most people,” you smiled back as you swiveled around in his chair. “Nice view, bud.”

“Of course you’re sitting at my desk,” he scoffed, taking a seat on the opposite side. “What’s goin’ on, Sweetheart?”

“What’s going on with you and Sam?”

“That’s definitely not the question I thought you were gonna ask me,” he muttered before clearing his throat. “Nothing’s going on, Y/N.”

“Then why is she under the impression that you don’t love her anymore?”

“That I don’t...what? There’s nothing farther from the truth! She’s my entire universe! You know that, she should know that-”

“Then what’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you right now, well, I don’t want to tell you right now. I don’t wanna jinx anything, but I promise it’s not anything bad. I think it’ll make her really happy, it’s just taking a lot of time, effort, and energy. I guess I have been slacking, I’m just fucking burnt out. Everything is just a lot right now and this has to be perfect. I’ll tell you more in a few months, but for now, please just be patient with me. I’ll talk to Sam tonight. Last night makes much more sense now though,” he scoffed as he looked at your hair. “What tattoos did you get?”

“We got a Lilo and Stitch tattoo, she has Lilo and I have Stitch. Then she got a tattoo of stars and I got one of a crescent moon.”

“Of course you two did. Thank you for looking out for her, it means more than you know.”

“She’s my sister, Shawn. I will always lookout for and protect her.”

“I promise, you have nothing to worry about on my end.” he promised sincerely.

“I’m trusting you, Shawn. You hurt her and I’ll hurt you,” you warned.

“Oh, believe me, I’m well aware,” he scoffed as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Since you’re here, it’s my turn to question you. What happened between you and Ransom?”

“Nothing,” you scowled, turning your gaze towards his door.

“Y/N-”

“Honestly, nothing happened. We went to ‘Sunshine’ to celebrate me getting the job, he came back to my place, he left before anything had a chance to happen, Sam came over and cried to me about you, she slept over, I figured I’d try to talk to him, he wanted to talk about me and him, we got into another heartbreaking argument, and now I’m here. Nothing happened,” you finished with a sigh.

“You two...I swear to God,” he groaned as he buried his face in his hands.

“Why do you even know about it?”

“Who do you think he calls when things are going well between you two? Who do you think he calls when things are going bad between you two?”

“I somehow always manage to forget that you two are besties,” you muttered, rolling your eyes.

“You two need to come a decision because it’s really starting to take a toll on the both of you.”

“It’s not him, it’s honestly all me. I keep telling him to stop waiting for me but-”

“For him, there’s only you, Y/N,” Shawn started to explain. “Listen, I didn’t know him the same way you and Sam did, and to be quite honest, I don’t fucking want to. Yeah, he’s a dick now but he was clearly worse then. I know what he did in the past was fucked, truly, but the way he talks about you, looks at you...you’re his whole world. He can’t stop himself from waiting for you. When you reach a decision, a real decision, that’s when he’ll reach his.”

“Shawn, I just don’t know that I ever will. It’s not fair to him, but I’m being honest. I just don’t know,” you sighed as you fought back tears.

“Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. At some point, you’ll decide on something. Ransom is a big boy, he’s making the decision to wait on his own, and you can’t add that pressure to yourself. If you want to focus on what makes you happy and what you want, what you really want, you can’t let the pressure of what he’s feeling and doing get to you. Keep focusing on you,” Shawn finished softly.

“Please don’t tell Sam we talked about this,” you smiled weakly as you  wiped away your tears. “She’s already worried about me. Don’t even let her know that Ransom called you, because she’ll automatically become more worried.”

“Y/N-”

“Shawn, she has enough on her mind already. She doesn’t need this bullshit to wear her down either. Just don’t say anything, please?”

“Fine,” he begrudgingly agreed. “I mean it though, Y/N. Focus on you.”

“I’m doing my best,” you groaned, offering a weak smile as you got up. “Tell me your plans for Sam as soon as they’re finalized.”

“I promise I will. You take care of yourself, Sweetheart,” Shawn called after you softly as you left his office.

From that day on, you did your best to keep yourself and your mind busy, but there really wasn’t anything to do until you started your job. So, you decided to just keep to yourself until you couldn’t.

You thought you’d feel better once you started working, but that proved to have its own amount of setbacks.

Your first day at the flower shop was a bit overwhelming, but nothing you couldn’t handle. Besides the general rules that come with having any job, they went over the temperatures for certain parts of the store, the different diets and caring styles for some of the flowers, how to deal with big orders, and the cleaning procedures for the store.

By the time you got home, your head felt as if it was going to burst. Not to mention, everyone kept texting and calling, asking you how you first day went. While you were happy to receive so much love and support, you were mentally exhausted. No, it wasn’t the most exhausting job you’d ever had, but it was still a lot to take in for your first day.

You were also bummed that you’d heard from everyone except Ransom.

By the time you ate dinner and hopped into bed, you were more than ready to space out for a few hours before finally going to sleep. You were just about to start re-watching ‘Alias’ from season 1, when you heard your phone buzz on your nightstand. You scowled in annoyance, but grabbed it anyway, ready to text whoever it was that you were tired and would talk to them tomorrow. However, a small smile came to your when you saw who it was and your heart felt as if it may burst out of your chest.

Only One: How was your first day, Princess?

Y/N: A little overwhelming, but it was good!

Only One: Yeah? You think you wanna stick with it?

Y/N: So far, so good. I just don’t wanna fuck up anything and kill all the flowers or anything.

Only One: Lol, I’m more than positive you won’t, Princess. You’re gonna be amazing at this, just like you are at everything else.

Y/N: Thank you, Ransom.

Only One: Are you settled in for the night?

Y/N: Yeah. I know I’m not working long hours or anything, but still. Just wanna relax for the rest of the night.

Only One: That makes sense.

You were about to put your phone down when it started buzzing non-stop. You looked down and started to laugh hard.

“Why did you ask me if I’m settled in if you were just gonna FaceTime me?” you laughed, getting settled under the covers.

“I didn’t know if you were out with Sam or not, and I didn’t want to be a bother,” he chuckled himself, sitting up against his headboard, shirtless, with a drink in his hand. “Sorry I didn’t text you until late, I wasn’t sure what time you got done. I know the place isn’t open late, but still.”

“I was out by 6, done with grocery and liquor shopping by 7, and in bed by 9:30,” you mumbled, taking a sip of wine.

“Ahh, so what are we watching to unwind?”

“Season 1 of Alias.”

“Are you ever capable of watching something you haven’t seen a million times before?”

“Leave me alone!” you laughed, getting comfortable before pressing play. “It’s my comfort activity.”

“Yeah yeah, I know,” he smirked with a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing at all,” he chuckled as he poured himself another drink. “Face me towards the screen so we can watch it together.”

“Ransom, tell me what’s going on.”

“I’ve had a few drinks and you’re ready for bed in my AC/DC shirt. I know that you’re wearing absolutely nothing underneath and you bring up comfort activities,” he smirked as he shook his head. “The only thing that’s wrong is that I should’ve started drinking later,” he scoffed.

“We don’t have-”

“I want to, Princess, I really do. I miss spending time with you like this...I just don’t know how long it’ll be until we can do it again in person,” he chuckled as you let out a soft giggle.

“Thank you, Ransom.”

“Anything for you, Princess. Now turn the camera the other way, or I’ll turn my camera the other way,” he warned with a devilish grin.

You bit your bottom lip to suppress a giggle before flipping your camera to face the TV. You both sat through two episodes of Alias before you told him you needed him to go to bed. You both dragged out the conversation for as long as possible, before you told him you really needed to go to bed.

“Can we do this again?” he asked in a almost a whisper.

“Saturdays? The shop is closed on Sunday, so I can actually hangout and I won’t yawn every five seconds,” you laughed.

“Saturday sounds good to me. Sleep tight, Princess.”

“Goodnight, Ransom,” you smiled before hanging up.

So, from that night on, you and Ransom talked almost daily and watched shows and movies via FaceTime on Saturdays. As far as you were concerned, you were making progress because you hadn’t given in to your desires. You hadn’t slept with him, you hadn’t gone to see him, and you’d made sure to set boundaries. You let him know that certain topics weren’t to be discussed, and when he got flirty after a few drinks, you told him to get it together or you’d hangup (even though it secretly got you excited).

No, it wasn’t ideal by any means.

During every call, you wanted to tell him to come over, you wanted him to hold you, you wanted him to make love to you, tell you that everything was going to be okay. You wanted him with you.

But you had to try.

So, when guys made advances towards you, you tried your best to not turn them away automatically. When you went on dates, you did your best to be engaged and be present, but it never seemed to do any good. Your thoughts always found their way back to Ransom. It’s not like you were going on dates with terrible, but they just weren’t who you wanted.

By the time Valentine’s Day came around, you were spent and just wanted to be alone.

Only One: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Y/N: Lol working. It’s one of our busiest days.

Only One: After that?

Y/N: Going home and eating lol. Probably gonna watch Corpse Bride or Roman Holiday. Both are fitting for me.

Only One: Always the romantic one. Come out to dinner with me.

Y/N: Ransom.

Only One: What? We’re both single and we’re friends, right? There’s no reason why two single friends can’t have dinner together. Besides, we’ll be around other people. I don’t see why there should be an issue.

Y/N: Us spending Valentine’s Day together doesn’t seem to be the best idea, if I’m honest.

Only One: We’ll be at Sunshine. We’ll be fine.

You thought it fitting that the next song to play on your playlist was ‘Oh My God’ by Adele as you made your decision.

Y/N: What time?

Only One: 8:30? You’ll have enough time to relax and change. It’s really just dinner, Princess.

You forced yourself to ignore all of the voices telling you that it was a bad idea and to run in the opposite direction, because none of it mattered. You told yourself that the both of you were strong enough to handle being together in public. You two had dinner a million times together, why should this make any difference?

The entire time you were at work, you couldn’t stop smiling. The butterflies in your stomach were going crazy and you just couldn’t wait to see Ransom.

“You’re in a really good mood today,” one of your customers smiled as you finished putting together his bouquet.

“Yeah, I’m seeing a really good friend after work and it’s been a really long time,” you beamed as you wrung him up.

“Well, I hope you both have a great time. I come in here often and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this much,” he laughed taking out his debit card.

“Really? Don’t tell my boss that,” you chuckled. “You do come here a lot, whoever is getting all of these flowers is extremely lucky,” you praised handing him back his card before handing him the gorgeous bouquet.

“Well, this particular one is for my mother and the one last week was for my grandmother.”

“Did she like them?”

“Well, she’s dead. So she doesn’t really have a choice except to like them,” he smirked and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you quickly covered your mouth, trying to control your laughter.

“It’s completely fine,” he chuckled. “She passed away some time ago. I try to bring her flowers on her birthday and holidays.”

“Well, you’re a very good grandson.”

“I try,” he smiled at you. “My name is Logan by the way,” he offered, extending his free hand.

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Logan. My name is Y/N,” you replied shaking his hand.

“Y/N...it suites you very well. You and your friend have fun tonight. I’ll see you next time.”

“Enjoy your night as well, I hope your mother likes her flowers,” you responded softly as he made his way to the door.

“You did a wonderful job. I’m sure she’ll love them,” he grinned before walking out.

The rest of your day went by in almost a flash and for as happy as you were about that, it also caused you some stress.

No, it wasn’t a date, but you were going to be alone with Ransom and its not like being alone ever went well for you two, but still. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You’d missed him so much, and besides, it’s not like you expected anything to happen. He’d been showing restraint keeping a distance since everything had happened before, so why should that night be any different?

Since it wasn’t a date, you decided to dress in a simple black dress with your wrap around\ black strap heels to match. The decision to give yourself loose curls came easy because you truly didn’t want to put too much effort into anything. You looked yourself over in your full-length vanity mirror and took a deep breath as you smoothed your hands over your dress, before putting on your black peat coat.

Everything was going to be fine.

However, when you got outside (car keys in hand), and saw his personal driver waiting for you, you knew that the night would go much differently than you planned.

“Funny how they’re no other cars in the lot,” you scoffed as the driver pulled up to the restaurant.

“Yeah, real funny,” the driver laughed as he slowly came to a stop. “You two enjoy.”

“Thanks,” you laughed dryly.

Before you could even get your hand on the doorknob, Ransom pulled it open, a slick grin on his face.

“Drysdale-”

“I can’t help it if no one wants to eat here, Princess.”

“And your other two restaurants?”

“Surprisingly, they’re fully booked.”

“Such a smart ass,” you snorted as you made your way inside.

“You look amazing,” he praised softly, pressing a soft kiss into your hair as he took off your coat.

“You look good yourself,” you smirked, looking him over.

He had his dark brown framed glasses on, an un-tucked jean blue button down shirt, a pair of black jeans, and black shoes to match. His beard was neatly trimmed, and his hair was long and a little unkempt.

You were already ready to jump his bones and you hadn’t even been around him for 5 minutes.

“I guess you’re keeping the long hair?” you questioned, trying to rid your mind of all its indecent thoughts.

“Well, you like it and it seems to keep women attracted, so I guess I’ll keep it for a while.”

“Trust me, you don’t need the hair to keep women around,” you scoffed before you could stop yourself.

Ransom didn’t say a word, he just flashed you a mischievous grin at you before leading you into the dining room. Oh, you were definitely in for a long and wild night.

“Ransom...this is gorgeous,” you gasped as you looked around the dimly lit area.

There was a vase of peonies centered at a table in the center of the room, a few lit candles, and pink rose petals on the floor around the table as well as on the table.

“Yeah? I did good?” he asked as he pulled out your chair for you.

“You did amazing,” you beamed as you took a seat.

“Good, I want this night to be perfect for you,” he grinned as he poured you both a glass of wine, before taking a seat.

From that moment on, the conversation flowed effortlessly. He asked about your job, the apartment, and you told him that you were contemplating getting a puppy.

“Don’t get a fucking dog,” Ransom scoffed as he took a sip of his drink, which he had changed to scotch at some point.

“Why not?”

“Because they’re too fucking much, they shed, they bark, they always want your fucking attention-”

“Someone is crabby,” you laughed as you poured yourself another glass of wine as your empty plates were taken away.

“I’m not crabby, I just don’t like dogs,” he muttered.

“Well, I don’t and I want one. Maybe a Husky or a German Shepherd...ooo! Maybe a Whippet! I-”

“I’m basically gonna have to put up with a child,” Ransom muttered as he finished off his drink before pouring himself another.

“Oh? You’d put up with a dog?”

“I’d put up with anything for you,” he smirked.

You cleared your throat and looked down at your glass. What was he doing to you? “Why did you do all of this, Ransom? What was the point?”

“I wanted to be alone with you.”

“You’re alone with me almost every night-”

“I wanted to be alone with you, in person,” he corrected softly.

“Ransom, I still don’t know-”

“I know that, Princess. I know and I know that I have no right to push or ask, but...fuck, I miss you. I miss you. Seeing you in person, touching you, hearing your voice...we’ve had one Valentine’s Day together and it wasn’t even all that great, because you were still rightfully angry with me. I just wanted to...I love you, Princess. I love you and wanted to do something nice for you.”

“And what happens tomorrow? When everything-”

“Who cares? I don’t want to think about that right now. We’re having fun and it’s been a good night-”

“And what about when it’s time to leave?”

“It’s up to you,” he smirked coyly. “Whatever happens tonight is up to you. It’s always up to you,” he stated firmly as the waiter made his way over to the table. “Leave the bottles and everyone else can go home,” Ransom stated sharply, never breaking eye contact with you. “And make sure you all actually clean. If I have to hear anymore shit from the opening crew about how shit the closing crew did, I’m making some fucking changes,” he warned as the waiter practically ran off.

“Always the charmer,” you scoffed as you took a sip of wine.

“You try running a restaurant and tell me how easy it is,” he humorlessly chuckled as he looked you over. “You look amazing in that dress, Princess,” he praised softly.

“We should go,” you sighed, trying to ignore all of the feelings you were feeling.

Between the wine, shots, and love you’d always had for Ransom; you were sure you’d never lose an ounce of the desire you always felt towards him.

The love you always felt for him.

“What do you wanna-”

“Mr. Drysdale, every thing is set up perfectly for tomorrow,” one of the waiters called from the entry way. “We’ll see you in a few days.”

“Sounds good to me,” Ransom called back, a devilish smirk playing on his lips, as you both heard the front door close.

And lock.

“Ransom, we should-”

“I’ll ask again. What do you want to do?”

“You know what I wanna do,” you sighed, standing up and grabbing your clutch. “So it’s best-”

“What’s so wrong with giving in?”

“Ransom...don’t. Just don’t. We both know what happens if we go down that road.”

“Princess, the only one really risking anything is me, and I’m fine with that. Even if we don’t do anything else tonight, this was more than enough. Seeing you, talking to you, hearing you laugh, seeing you smile...I’m happy just to be in front of you,” he smiled softly.

You let out a deep sigh as you wiped away a lone tear. “I’m trying, Ransom. I’m really trying. I go on dates but none of it feels right, and I tell myself that it feels wrong because it is. I should be with you. I’m supposed to be with you. I tell myself that I’m strong enough, but then I go to call or text you and I remember. I remember and it hurts all over again. I wish I could just...”

“I know, baby. You have no idea how much I regret it, because it took me losing you to realize that I truly had everything. I wish I hadn’t been so selfish, stupid, and needy. You deserved so much better and I promised you, twice, that I could be that guy. I wanted to be that guy for you, Y/N,” he sighed. “I still want to be that guy, but I get it. If this is all I can have, then I’ll take it. It’s more than I fucking deserve,” he chuckled humorlessly.

“Ransom...” you trailed off as your tears started to fall.

“Please don’t cry, Princess. I don’t want you to-”

“I know you don’t, but I still do. I feel so fucking bad because I want it so much. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to just pretend it never happened. I want to forget all about it, but if I take you back, who’s to say you won’t do it again? You? You said it last time and then I caught you. I just...I really want to try again, I just can’t right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to,” you cried, looking away from him as you wiped your tears away.

“And I have no one to blame but myself for that,” he sighed mournfully as he cleared his throat.

“I’ll be right back,” you sobbed before practically running off towards the bathroom.

The minute you got inside, you leaned against the door and took a deep breath. Why did you agree to see him even though you knew the night would take a turn? Why can’t you just make a fucking choice? All of these thoughts and more ran through your head as you walked over to the sink and looked yourself over in the mirror. Everything had been perfect. It was almost a dream and you decided that you wanted that. You wanted to pretend that that talk hadn’t just taken place. No, you couldn’t get over the fact that Ransom had broken your heart, but you also couldn’t get over Ransom.

No matter how hard you tried.

No, you couldn’t have the fairy tale, but you could have Ransom. And something was better than nothing.

“C’mon Princess, I should get you home,” Ransom sighed as you made your way back to the table. “The car will be here-”

He was cut off by you crashing your lips into his. You didn’t want to think anymore. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was feeling complete.

The only person who mattered was Ransom.

“Stop,” Ransom demanded breathlessly, forcibly grabbing your wrists as he pulled himself away. “I can’t....Princess, be sure that you want this because if we start, I won’t be able to stop,” he finished, his gaze deep and intense on you.

“I just want to feel you, Ransom. I always need you.”

“Princess-”

“Ransom, I want this. I want you, right here, and right now. If you don’t want to-”

This time it was Ransom’s turn to cut you off. He kissed you hard and deep as he got up and pinned you against the table.

“Don’t want you?” he rasped breathlessly as he hiked up your dress before hooking his fingers onto your panties and pulling them down. “Princess, you’re all I ever want. All I ever think about,” he moaned as he easily slid two fingers inside you.

“Fuck!” you moaned, relishing in the feeling that only he could give you.

“God, I can’t wait to watch the security cameras later,” he husked with a deep chuckle before kissing and sucking on your neck, as he fucked into you faster with his fingers.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you whimpered as your excitement built. “Only you...only you make me feel this good.”

“Yeah baby? Then show me by cumming on my fingers right now,” Ransom demanded biting the shell of your ear.

“Shit!” you cried, having no choice but to do as you were told as you gripped his shoulders tight.

“Fuck, you’re such a good fucking girl for me,” he praised, forcing you to lick and suck your essence off of his fingers. “I wanna fuck you senseless tonight, will you let me do that?”

All you could do was nod.

“Good girl, come with me,” he commanded before removing his fingers from your mouth and  pulling you with him as he made his way towards his office.

The moment he slammed the door shut, he was all over you. His lips burned a trail from your lips to your chest he pulled down the short sleeves of your dress.

“Baby please,” you begged softly once you felt his tongue on one of your nipples, teasingly caressing it. “You don’t know how much I need you!”

“Trust me, I promise I do because I need you just as much!” he groaned before kissing his way back up to your lips. “You’re all I need. You’re all I’ll ever need,” he panted, his gaze locking on yours.

“I love you, Ransom,” you breathed as you undid his pants, pulling them down with his boxers. “I love you so much and I wanna feel you. I wanna feel how much you love me,” you cooed as you started to stroke him.

“Jesus,” he groaned before hoisting you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. “I’ll do anything you want, Princess,” he promised as he thrust himself into you.

“Shit!” you cried out, gripping his hair as you arched your back. “It’s been so fucking long, baby! You feel so good!”

“I’ve dreamt of having you like this for so long,” he grunted as he continued to fuck into you. “Your pussy is the best I’ve ever been in,” he praised with a low growl as he continued to fuck into you relentlessly. “Do you know how fucking perfect you are? How perfect you are for me? Fuck, I love everything about you, Princess!”

“You’re home to me, baby!” you cried out as leaned your head back against the wall. “I only ever want you! All of you!”

“I’ll never get tired of you, Sweetheart,” he husked before tightening his hold on and carrying over to his desk. “You’re the only person I want, Y/N. The only person I’ll ever love,” he confessed softly.

“You’re everything to me,” you confessed breathlessly, your toes starting to curl as you felt yourself reaching your peak as he continued to hit that spot deep within you. “I hate being without you,” you moaned, fighting off your release. You weren’t ready for any of it to end yet.

“I need to hear you say it, Princess! I always need to hear you say it!”

“I fucking love you, Ransom!” you mewled as you came hard, unable to fight any longer. “I love you so much!”

“Fuck!” he grunted, spilling into you as he tried to ride out both your highs.

You both just stayed that way for a moment, the only sound being your labored breaths. You didn’t want to leave him. You wanted to stay with him forever, but you knew better. Staying with him would only make everything that much harder.

“I should get home,” you sighed after a beat, slowly unwrapping yourself from him.

“Stay with me tonight,” Ransom begged softly, meeting your gaze.

“I think we’ve done more than enough,” you smirked, shaking your head no.

“You said you’d let me fuck you senseless tonight, didn’t you?”

“Ransom, we both know-”

“You want Daddy to beg, is that it?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow as he got down on his knees. “I can beg all night, baby,” he rasped licking your clit softly.

“Holy shit!” you gasped softly, gripping something tight in your right hand.

“Say you’ll stay with me tonight or I’ll just fuck you into oblivion in this office,” he warned before giving your pussy another kitten lick.

“Ransom,” you moaned, gripping whatever you were holding onto tighter. You looked to your right to see that you were gripping a picture frame that held a picture of the two of you from the first time you both went to the Hamptons together. “Fuck!”

“Come home with me,” he growled again, sliding two fingers into your soaked channel. “I told you, once we start, I won’t be able to stop. You’re off tomorrow, which means I can fuck you right into sunrise, which is what I know you really want. So, come home with me,” he demanded before diving between your legs and sucking licking on your clit.

“Fuck! Ransom!” you cried, gripping his hair, while your other hand gripped the frame tighter.

The only acknowledgment Ransom gave you was fucking you faster with his fingers, while his other hand gripped your thigh tighter.

“Jesus fuck!” you screamed as you came apart for him, your legs instinctively wrapping around him as you arched your back and lulled your head back.

Ransom took his time cleaning up the mess between your legs, filthy grunts of approval leaving his mouth like a song, before he kissed his way back up your body.

“Come home with me,” he demanded hotly.

Once again, all you could do was nod as you tried to get yourself together.

The minute you two got into the backseat of his driver’s car, Ransom was all over you. You couldn’t help but feel bad at the lewd sounds you two were making, like a couple of crazy high school kids, but you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. You wanted to make good use of each minute you had with Ransom.

You were so wrapped up in your filthy make-out session with him, that you didn’t hear or notice that he’d undone his pants.

“Myles, how much longer till we’re at my place?” Ransom asked breathlessly as he broke away from a very desperate and needy you.

“10 minutes,” the man responded with a small chuckle.

In one swift move, you were upright and on Ransom’s lap as he thrust himself deep inside you. “Fuck Ransom!” you hissed as quietly as you could, both mortified and completely aroused by his actions.

“I want you to get both you and me off before we reach my place,” he whispered hotly into your neck, before biting sucking on it.

“Ransom,” you moaned softly, your nails digging into his shoulders as you started to pick up your pace; grinding your hips against his.

“You looked so beautiful spread out on my desk for me like that, I could’ve kept you there like that all night,” he groaned, gripping your ass tight, giving you the pleasurable sting you always loved.

“Missed having you deep inside me like this,” you moaned with a faint whisper. “I missed you loving me so rough and so tender at the same time,” you damn near cried.

“Fuck, I’m right where you want me, Princess. Ready to give you everything!” he grunted softly.

“Oh..oh God! Ransom!” you cried into his neck as you came hard.

“Fuck yes, Princess!” Ransom mewled quietly against your chest, spilling himself into you.

You both stayed lost in each other’s embrace until the car came to a complete stop.

“Home sweet home,” Myles smirked he looked up into the rear view mirror.

“Thank you,” Ransom breathed softly, slowly removing himself from you. “Take the next 2 weeks off,” he added nonchalantly.

“Thank you, Mr. Drysdale.”

“Lets get you inside and in my bed,” Ransom smirked against your skin, adjusting the sleeves on your dress.

You quickly but timidly got yourself off of Ransom and together the best you could, before scrambling out of the car. You watched Ransom pass the poor man what you could only assume to be a tip, before he made his way out of the car and and gripped your wrist tightly, pulling you along behind him.

The second the door closed, Ransom was ripping your clothes off as you quickly lifted your legs a little to untie your shoes.

“I’ve waited too fucking long to have you like this,” he growled, nipping your ear before throwing you over his shoulder as you giggled in response.

When he got you on his bed, you instantly started getting to work on undoing his pants, before an idea popped into your head.

“I wanna watch you take off your clothes,” you breathed out, pushing yourself back against his pillows as one of your hands slid between your legs.

“Fuck,” Ransom husked, watching you get yourself off as he speedily tried to get out of his clothes.

“No no, baby. Take your time,” you moaned, kneading your clit between your forefinger and thumb.

“You’re so fucking sexy when you’re in control like this,” he smirked, slowly unbuttoning his cuffs before his shirt. “You’re always so fucking perfect.”

“So are you, baby,” you moaned as you felt yourself getting more and more excited. “Perfect for me,” you sighed as he unbuckled his slacks and pushed both them and his boxers down, taking himself in his hand and stroking him. “I want you to love until you’re satisfied tonight, Ransom. Don’t stop until there’s nothing left.”

“I can do that,” Ransom husked before getting on the bed and crawling over top of you.

He kissed you deeply and you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to you, as he took one of your legs into his hands and hiked it over his waist. You let out a silent gasp as he pushed himself into you, relishing the way he pulled you apart so easily. No words were spoken as he broke the kiss and pushed him self up to look at you. The only sounds were his skin and yours connecting and the both of you breathing heavy.

No words needed to be said. Ransom’s eyes told you everything you needed to hear, and you hoped that your eyes did the same.

Yes, there was was lust in his eyes, but there was also a softness. So much longing, hope, and regret. There was desire, passion, and greed. Greed to just keep you to himself and never lose you again. There was also love. So much love that you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You let out a choked sob as you felt the knot in core begin to tighten as he hit that spot deep within you that always had blossoming like a flower for him.

You closed your eyes and lulled your head back and that had Ransom breaking his silence.

“Eyes on me, Princess. Please, I need to see you come apart for me,” he husked with a desperate plea as he picked up his pace.

“Shit!” you cried softly, arching your back to get yourself as close to him as possible as you came apart for him. “Fuck, I didn’t want to...”

“We’ve got all night, Princess,” Ransom smirked before dipping down kissing you hard.

That night, Ransom loved you repeatedly and in every position you loved. He only took it easy on when you both were nearing your end; loving how you were desperate and needy for him, but understanding that you’d truly given him all that you had to give. When all was said and done, Ransom held you close and kissed you all over as if he were afraid to lose you again.

“Your driver is gonna think I’m such a whore,” you groaned with a small chuckle.

“No he won’t,” Ransom smirked before kissing your bare shoulder.

“There’s no way he didn’t know what we were doing in the backseat.”

“Myles used to drive for Harlan. Once Harlan truly believed that I would kill myself by drinking and driving, and God knows what else, he assigned Myles to me. In that time, he has seen a lot of women do things to me, but never me do anything to them. You’re different. So very different. Why do you think I had him take you and Ryan home that night? You’re the love of my life, Y/N. I want everyone to see that. I want everyone to know that. For as complicated and fucked up as things are between us, that will never change,” he promised in a hushed tone.

“I don’t wanna go to sleep. Going to sleep means waking up and having to face tomorrow, which means I have to leave you,” you mumbled as your eyes started to water.

“It doesn’t have to,” Ransom sighed.

“I can’t stay here and pretend, baby.”

“Do you think you’ll ever know for sure?”

“I honestly don’t. All I know is that I love you, and I really wish love would find a way. However, until it does...”

“I understand, Princess. Let’s just get some sleep, okay?” Ransom sniffled out as he cleared his throat.

“Sleep would be nice,” you humorlessly chucked as you wiped your own eyes.

Sleep came for both of you effortlessly, but that didn’t stop Ransom from waking you with his hand between your legs while he whispered sweet nothing in your ear.

“I’m so sorry, I just can’t get enough of you,” he groaned before sliding himself into you, which you happily accepted.

“I’m yours to use however you want,” you whimpered, running your hands through hair as he worked on licking and sucking on one of your nipples.

Ransom didn’t let up until he had you two more times, once again pulling you close before you both succumbed to sleep.

When you woke up the next day, Ransom was looking over you with the most loving gaze.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been watching me sleep,” you chuckled with a yawn.

“Only for about 5 minutes,” he smirked “I was gonna get up and make breakfast, but you looked so peaceful and I just wanted...in case this is the last time...” he smiled mournfully.

“Why do you keep holding onto me, Ransom?”

“You are...” he started before clearing his throat. “You are the only thing I’ve ever gotten right. When I see you I see honesty, I feel love, and I know peace. I hold on because I have to keep hoping that there’s a possible chance for us. I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know our chances are slim to none, and I know why it’s that way, but with the way you look at me and the way we make each other feel...how can you expect me to just quit?”

“Ransom-”

“I’m ready now. Honestly, I’m truly ready now. I know I said it before and it all went to shit, but back then....I was scared and stupid. No matter how much I tried to talk myself into being ready, I was just terrified. Love didn’t exist in my world. The only time I ever saw it was between Harlan and my grandmother, and even that was tainted because of the relationship I had with him. I never wanted to love you, Y/N. Hell, I still don’t want to just because I know it would be better for you if I didn’t, but no matter how much I tried to stop and pull myself away I couldn’t because I couldn’t get you out of my head. I couldn’t get you out of my heart, and at some point, I didn’t want to.”

“Then why? After all this time, I still don’t understand why?” you cried softly.

“I was terrified that you’d hurt me. Anyone I’ve ever bothered to give a fuck about has hurt me, so of course I tried to push away the one person who genuinely cared for me, because how could you? How could you see me for who I truly was, and still want me? How could you see and know all of my faults, and still think I was worth your time and your love? So, when you didn’t answer me instantly and when I didn’t have your full attention, the part of me that was terrified of you leaving and hurting me became the loudest and I hurt you before you could hurt me. I made sure to let you know that I was still in control, even though you were the one running the show the whole time. When you left, really left, that’s when it finally stuck. You’re the only one for me. The only one who will ever truly matter, but it was too late because I had fucked up beyond belief. So, when you came back with Ryan, and you looked at me with both anger and love, how was I supposed to give up on us? How was I supposed to pretend that I’d ever gotten over you? Y/N, I hold on because the small part of me that still believes that we can still make this work, is the only part of me that still cares about anything. The only part of me that believes that things can work out for the better and that people have genuine feelings is hanging on by a thread.

No, that’s not fair to you, but it’s the honest truth. Anything good and genuine I’ve ever felt, only happened when you came into my life. That doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be together, but I really fucking hope it does, because there will never be anyone else on this planet that I love as much or as deeply as I love you,” he finished with a sob as he wiped away your tears.

“Ransom, why couldn’t you just wait until you were sure?” you sobbed into his chest.

“Because I’m a selfish fuck. I didn’t want you to fall for anyone else, I didn’t want to risk you realizing that you didn’t want me, and I didn’t want you deciding that I wasn’t enough. At the end of the day, I just fucked up,” he sighed as he pressed another soft kiss into your hair. “I know I need to stay away and that I have no right to ask anything of you, and I’ve been trying my best, Princess. I just missed you so fucking much,” he sighed.

“You don’t make getting over you easy do you?”

“Not in the slightest,” he smirked and you couldn’t but let out a small laugh as you wiped your eyes.

“I should get home.”

“5 more minutes?”

“5 more minutes,” you agreed softly, your face still nestled against his chest.

So, for the next 5 minutes, you two did what you were best at and pretended. You both pretended that things had been settled and done away with, pretended that when you left later you’d come back at the end of the day, pretended that things could be just as they were before, and pretended that neither one of your hearts were breaking at the thought of you leaving again.

When the 5 minutes were up, you pulled one of the blankets around you and slowly made your way downstairs, Ransom following right behind after he put his boxers on. He helped you dress yourself, while refusing to give you back your panties, and you wrapped the thick laces of your heels back up.

“I can get my own ride home,” you sighed with a soft smile as you looked out the window to his doorway, waiting for his other driver to pick you up.

It felt like the first time leaving him after you professed your love to him all over again. The thought of how much things had changed and how different the circumstances were, pained you.

“I know you can but I want to do this,” he responded softly as he put your coat on you. “Thank you,” he all but whispered as he pressed a soft kiss into your hair.

The strain in his voice let you know that letting you go was just as hard for him as leaving you was for him.

“Thank you,” you responded with a sigh as you leaned into him and let him hold you.

God, you just wanted to stay in his embrace forever.

“Let me know when you’re home safe,” Ransom sighed as the car pulled up, instinctively pulling you closer.

“I will,” you promised, wanting nothing more than for him to keep you there. For him to force you to stay like he did when you two had sex for the first time.

“I love you, Princess.”

“I love you too, Ransom,” you sobbed softly, trying to break free of him, but his hold was strong. “Ransom-”

“I know, I know,” he responded weakly, kissing your cheek softly before letting go of you.

You turned to face him, giving him a quick and sad soft smile, before turning and leaving.

That night, after you cried alone in your apartment for what felt like the millionth time, you made yourself a promise. You told yourself that if, by the end of the week, you hadn’t found anyone who could truly keep your attention and interest, you’d try again with Ransom. It made sense, because if you still weren’t able to quit him after all these years, maybe there was something still worth fighting for.

Maybe he was still worth fighting for.

So, as the week went by and no one really seemed to be worthy of your time, your heart grew hopeful that maybe you’d get the happily ever after that you’d wanted since you told Ransom how you truly felt about him all those years ago.

Too bad that your wants don’t ever align with what the universe has in store.

“Ah, Logan, it’s nice to see you again,” you smiled at the kind man who was constantly purchasing flowers for members of his family. “How did your mother like her flowers?”

“She thought they were gorgeous. Picked on my dad about how he was outshined for the second year in a row,” he laughed as he shifted nervously from foot to foot.

“Well, who are you getting flowers for today?”

“That’s the thing. I’ve run out of people to buy flowers for, so I really have no choice but man up and ask you.”

“Ask me...?”

“Are you...do you...”

“...Logan?”

“You’re so beautiful and I’ve been trying to find the courage to ask you out, but instead, I’ve just been asking you to make bouquets as a way to talk to you, but now it seems like...I really have to find the courage to do this. Fuck, what are you doing tonight?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Going to bed early so I can be here on time tomorrow,” you smiled softly with the faintest bit of sympathy in your eyes.

‘You have to at least try,’ you mentally chided yourself.

“But,” you followed with a deep breath “I’m usually up to hang out on Saturday nights since we’re closed on Sundays.”

“Yeah? Think you’d be up for dinner?”

“Dinner sounds nice.”

“I know a great spot. Sunshine, it’s on-”

“Not Sunshine,” you quickly interjected a little too harshly. “I just uh..I’ve had a few bad dates there,” you chuckled sheepishly.

“Well, what kind of food do you like?”

“Just surprise me,” you laughed softly. “When it comes to food, I’m not entirely too picky.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Pick you up tomorrow after your shift?”

“Sounds good.”

“See you then,” he smiled bashfully before making his way out.

“Jesus, took him much longer than I thought it would. He’s been obsessed with you since he laid eyes on you,” your boss giggled as you both watched him walk away.

You just rolled your eyes and shook your head before getting back to the order you were working on.

When you got home that night, you didn’t even think about the date because you were sure nothing would come from it. No other cute guy had been able to keep your attention, so why should Logan be any different? In fact, you were so in different to it, that you didn’t even bother to tell Ransom that night when you two FaceTimed. He was already in a bad mood because of something having to do with a table he needed being on back order, but you also didn’t see the need in upsetting him when you were so close to telling him that you were ready to try again.

The only problem? Logan wasn’t like every other guy you’d been on dates with.

He picked you up from work the next day and you spent the entire drive from your job to the diner he took you to, laughing. The conversation was almost effortless, and you neither of you realized how late it was until you received a text from Ransom asking what movie you two would be watching that night via FaceTime. When Logan asked you on a second date, you said yes before you could even fully process the question.

Still, you said nothing about it to Ransom, because what were the chances that you would have two great dates back to back?

However, that’s exactly what happened.

Two dates turned into four and four dates turned into eight.

“Can I come up tonight?” Logan asked breathlessly as you two broke apart.

“I don’t...it’s been a while since I’ve...”

“There’s no pressure, Y/N,” he chuckled softly. “I’m only asking because this is our third time ending up like this in the front seat of my car, and I feel like we both want-”

“Yes. Yes, come up,” you interrupted, as every thought in your head was telling you it was time to not only call it a night, but to also call it quits.

“Y/N, are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” you tried to assure both yourself and him, as you gave him the most confident smile you could muster.

That night, you and Logan had sex until he was spent. That’s really the only way you could describe it. It wasn’t love making, because you didn’t love him, but it also wasn’t just fucking. It was just sex. Sure, Logan had done his best to make you feel something, and you felt cared for, but you didn’t feel loved. You didn’t feel like you were home.

However, for all the things you didn’t feel, it wasn’t enough for you to stop seeing him.

Before you knew it, you found yourself coming to terms with a reality you didn’t want. Your feelings for Logan weren’t anywhere near what you felt for Ransom, but they were strong enough that you wanted to explore them.

Only One: Hey, I know you’re extremely busy with work lately, but I think we’re overdue for a movie night.

Y/N: I can’t.

Only One: Well, when do you think you can?

Y/N: Ransom...I can’t.

Only One: Oh. Okay then. I get it

Only One: Is it serious?

Only One: I guess it is if you’re not seeing me anymore.

Only One: It’s fine. I’m happy for you. This was always the plan, right?

Only One: I guess...I’ll talk to you at some point. I’ll see you around. I love you.

Y/N: Ransom, please don’t be angry with me.

Only One: Princess, I’m never angry with you, but this is a conversation I can’t have right now. At least not sensibly. I love you but I can’t talk about this right now. I can’t talk to you right now.

Y/N: I love you.

Only One: Don’t, because I can’t hear it right now. I just fucking can’t.

You cried for hours that night. Every time you thought you got it out of your system, your tears just kept coming back. By the time 10pm came around, you text your boss and told her you’d need to call out because you weren’t feeling all that great, and you were calling Sam by 10:01.

“Hey, I was honestly just about to call you! What do you-”

“Please come over,” you sobbed hysterically.

“I’ll be there in 20,” she stated simply before hanging up.

Sam was at your place in 12 minutes.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked as soon as you opened the door before engulfing you in a hug.

“I told him about Logan and I hurt him so bad. Sam, I fucking...I hurt him so fucking...” you sobbed into her shoulder.

“Baby it’s okay,” she cooed, gently stroking your back.

“How can it be okay if he isn’t okay? How can I be happy if he isn’t? What the fuck did I just do?”

“It’s going to be okay,” Sam tried to reassure you, holding back her own tears.

She stayed up with you the whole night, trying to convince you that you made the right choice, but your head and your heart just couldn’t fall in line with each other. Against your better judgment (and Sam’s advice,) you text Ransom. When he didn’t respond in 20 minutes, you text him again. You text him 6 times before Sam finally took your phone from you. You knew that she was right in doing so, but that didn’t stop you from being upset with yourself and the situation at hand.

“You need to move on from him, Y/N. You need to move on and Logan is good for you,” Sam stated softly as she held you close that night.

“You just don’t like Ransom,” you scowled like a child as you wiped away more tears.

“Stop it. I love you and I just want the best for you. I know you love Ransom and I know he loves you, but there’s just too much there. If you date Logan and it all goes to shit, that’s one thing. Maybe, at that point, I’ll finally encourage you to be with Ransom. However, you really need to try with Logan.”

“Sam, if I love Ransom this much, shouldn’t I just be with him?”

“No, because you haven’t tried to actually move on from him since Ryan, and while I love him for stopping you from making a horrible mistake, it’s not enough. Ransom still isn’t enough.”

“I just don’t know anymore,” you sobbed. “I just want Ransom,” you sobbed.

“I know you do, Sweetheart. I know you do,” Sam sighed, clearing her own throat as she tried to be strong enough for the both of you.

In the weeks that followed, you found yourself searching for any possible approval from Ransom, while also trying your best not to distance yourself from Logan. You also found yourself comparing him to Ransom, no matter how many times you tried to stop yourself.

It’s not like Logan had done anything wrong. He wasn’t another Ryan, but he also wasn’t enough. When it came to gifts and surprises, he was always asking Sam and your mother what you’d like. He never trusted his own instincts and that drove you insane. Ransom always got you things that he thought you’d like, and if he felt you didn’t, he’d just try again. Logan was the type of man who needed to get everything right the first time. He was also a man of order, which you also weren’t a fan of. You understood that with his mother being a teacher and his father being a military man, he didn’t have much of a choice.

But still.

“Logan! How many times have I told you to stay out of my art room?!” you roared at him as searched for your ‘Rose Red’ acrylic paint.

“I know and I’m sorry, but it’s just so-”

“I know it’s messy! I like it that way!”

“You can’t find anything in there!”

“No, you can’t find anything in here! I could everything just fine until you decided to clean it!”

“Baby, you’ll thank you me in the long run-”

“You say that every time and every time I’m angry about it! Just stay out of this room!”

“What do you plan on doing when we start living together?”

“Hide in the fucking attic,” you muttered to yourself as you continued to search for your favorite color.

It’s not like Ransom had been a fan of your messy habits, but he understood that you needed your own place and space. He understood that you need a little bit of chaos to function and he never got on your case too much about it. As long as your clothes were clean and whatever area you were occupying didn’t look too out of funk, he didn’t give you a hard time. Plus, whenever he did think your mess was getting too out of hand, he spoke to you about it before doing anything. Ransom knew better than to just take initiative and start moving things around.

When it came to sex, Logan was much more tame. In fact, so tame that you felt uncomfortable asking for what you really wanted. Yes, you wanted slow and passionate sex from time to time, but there were days when you needed it rough. You needed to be put in your place. He wasn’t the biggest fan of going down on you, he didn’t call you degrading names, he didn’t pull your hair, and he wasn’t a fan of anal. Sometimes you got him to fuck you from behind, but he loved missionary because he loved watching you.

He was also a fan of you being on top.

It’s not like you were proud of yourself, but when you got yourself off, you often thought of Ransom and all the times you two had been intimate together. Whether it was in public, or in the privacy of either one of your places, Ransom always made you feel every thing at once. He always left you spent, full, happy, satisfied, and loved. So fucking love.

It’s not like Logan didn’t try, but Logan’s style just wasn’t enough to fulfill what you truly wanted.

What you truly needed.

Still, with all things said and done, Logan wasn’t a terrible companion. In all honesty, the only fault that you could find with him was that he wasn’t Ransom, and you really did your best to come to terms with that.

You kept telling yourself that it took Ransom a while to get to know you too, but if you really took the time to think about it, Ransom knew you before you two were ever introduced. Whether it was sex or just making you smile, Ransom always knew without you having to say or do much. You hated whenever he said that he knew you from the moment he laid eyes on you, but on some level, you knew.

You’d always known.

“Why are you still up? Don’t you have work in a bit?” Logan yawned as he sat next to you on the sofa, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close to him.

“Yeah, I just can’t sleep, so I figured I’d watch some TV. I didn’t wanna wake you up,” you shrugged as you forced yourself to be comfortable in his hold.

It was Ransom’s birthday and you couldn’t stand not knowing what he was doing. Since you’d told Ransom about him, Ransom had only spoken to you once and it was only to tell you that he’ll talk to you when he’s ready. He wanted to be happy for you, but he needed time.

That was 2 months ago.

All your mind kept thinking about was him. What was he doing? Who was he with? Was he happy? Was he okay? Had he moved on?

So many questions kept running through your brain, but you had no right to want answers. You knew that Sam knew exactly how he was doing, but it wouldn’t be fair for you to put her in that position. You vented to her enough about everything anyway.

“Baby, is everything okay with us?” Logan asked, looking you over.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You just...these last few weeks, you’ve seemed more distant than usual. I know that I kinda caught you off guard when I told you I love you,”

“Hun, I just-”

“I know you’re not ready and that’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. I’m just...do you want to be with me?” he questioned softly, his eyes filled with genuine concern and anxiety.

You let out a deep sigh before looking away from him. “I’m just in a weird space. I keep thinking I’m ready, and I want to be ready, I’m just scared Logan. A lot has happened and I’m finally in an okay place. The thought of being all in is just a lot for me, but I’m trying my best. I really am. I want this to work,” you smiled weakly.

Logan was thoughtful before he spoke. “Is there someone else?”

You weren’t ready for that talk yet. “It’s not that there’s someone else, babe. I just have to get over all my fears and self doubt. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s everything that’s wrong with me.”

“Don’t. Everyone goes through shit, but I’m happy you want to try, because I really want this to work,” he smiled sincerely before kissing you on your forehead. “Lets get some sleep, okay? We both have a big day ahead of us.”

“Yeah,” you simply nodded before turning off the TV and getting up, heading to bed with Logan on your heels.

Against your better judgment, later that day, you text Ransom a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ text. Maybe your gift to him should’ve been to leave him the hell alone, but you just couldn’t.

Just like always.

After you sent it, you quickly put your phone away and got back to working on the arrangements you needed to have done in the next few hours. When you felt your phone buzz, you pulled it out thinking that it was Sam making sure you two were still on for dinner. Though, when you saw who it was, you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face.

Only One: Thanks Princess. Hope everything is going good for you.

You had to force yourself not squeal in pure delight. You thought it was crazy how a simple response could make you feel more alive than you’d felt in months.

Y/N: I’m pretty okay. I hope you’re doing well...I hope you’re happy and hope you have the best birthday.

Only One: What are you doing tonight?

Y/N: Um, dinner date with Sam. You?

Only One: Not a single thing, Princess. Your man gonna be around?

Y/N: No, he usually spends Friday night at his house with his friends.

Only One: Up for a movie via FaceTime? No funny business, I promise.

Y/N: It’s your birthday, go out and do something fun.

Only One: This will be something fun and it’s the closest I’ll get to doing what I really want.

Y/N: Ransom.

Only One: I don’t mean that, even though that would be a perfect way to end the day. I want to be with you. Spend time with you. I want you in my arms, but we both know that isn’t happening. A movie night over the phone is the closest I’ll get to that, so that’s what I’d like to do, if you’re up for it.

You felt your heart breaking all over again, but did your best to ignore it. As well as the voices in your head that were telling you to say ‘no’.

Y/N: What movie do you wanna watch?

Only One: 13 Going on 30.

Y/N: What?? You HATE that movie.

Only One: Yeah, cause it fucking sucks, but it makes you smile and laugh, and I miss hearing you laugh, so that’s what I wanna watch.

Y/N: I promise not to be annoying about it.

Only One: Lol, you’re gonna be so fucking annoying and I can’t wait.

Y/N: Fuck off lol. 8?

Only One: 8 it is, Princess.

You tucked your phone away once again and were practically floating on air as you went back to on the arrangements. You were so lost in thought, you hadn’t noticed that Shawn and your boss had come into the back office.

“Either you and Logan finally found a place, or you’re really in love with your job,” Shawn chuckled, causing you to jump so hard you almost dropped the bouquet you’d just finished.

“Jesus, wear a fucking bell!” you snapped as both Shawn and your boss laughed.

“Come on, I’m taking you to lunch,” he smirked.

“As lovely as that sounds, I have-”

“I’ll finish up here,” your boss smiled. “Though it doesn’t look like there’s much left to do. I definitely didn’t think you’d get so much done so fast. Great job,” she beamed towards you. “I’ll see you back here in an hour.”

“Will do,” you smiled with a small nod before practically running out of the room.

You never did well with compliments and attention.

“So, what was that all about?” Shawn asked as he started to driving you both to lunch.

“Nothing, I’m just having an oddly good day,” you smiled to yourself.

“Uh huh...would this have anything to do with Ransom?”

“Shawn, don’t make me have to tell you about something you’ll have to lie to Sam about later.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Y/N!”

“It’s nothing! I just wished him a happy birthday and he responded. It’s been so long and I just...I miss him and I’m happy that he responded. Lets me know that he doesn’t hate me as much as he did.”

What? It’s not like you were lying.

“As if that man could ever hate you,” Shawn scoffed, running an exasperated hand through his hair. “You two...I swear to God. Aren’t things going well with Logan?”

“Don’t Shawn. Just...don’t,” you sighed, looking out the window.

“Fine, but both of you need piss or get off the pot. You’re gonna be 40 next year and he turns 42 today. You two gonna keep this shit up till you’re both in your 80’s?”

“It’s not as easy as everyone wants it to be,” you scowled. “Listen, today is the first time I’ve spoken to him since I got serious with Logan. I haven’t seen him since Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah, I know all about it. It’s all I’ve heard about for the past couple months.”

“He still talks about me?”

“Still? Y/N, he never shuts the fuck up about you. It’s like a never-ending episode of the fucking Young and the Restless. I know it’s not in my best interest to tell you, and you better not say a damn thing to Sam cause she’ll kill me, but Ransom...he’s doing his best, okay? He really thought, for just a moment, that you two had a real chance. Then, when you found Logan, he knew he needed to take a step back. All he wants is for you to be happy, even if that means not being with him. So, after keeping me up for 4 hours to talk about it, he decided that it was best for him to just stay away from you all together. He knows, just like the rest of us, that the best shot you have at really making an attempt to move on is if he stays away all together. It’s been killing him, but he’s doing what he thinks is best. Your dad told him how happy you are with Logan, Sam makes it a point to let him know that Logan is good for you and you’re in a much better place, I’m honest with him about Logan being a really good guy, and everyone says that you seem to genuinely smile a lot more. It breaks his heart, but he just wants what’s best for you,” Shawn finished with a heavy sigh.

Your tears were falling freely and you didn’t care to stop them. A part of you was angry with Sam for not telling you, but a bigger part of you knew and understood why.

“Y/N, just tell me the truth. I swear it’ll stay between us; do you still want to be with Ransom?”

“Of course I do,” you sobbed. “He’s my entire universe. My whole thought process revolves around him, but it’s just...it’s too much, Shawn. It’s not like Logan is a bad guy, and I do care for him-”

“But you don’t love him.”

“I can...I will. I want to try and it’s still early. We’re in a good place.”

“Y/N, you’re only staying away from Ransom because it’s what everyone else wants. What do you want?”

“Shawn, not to be a bitch, but why do you even care?”

“1. Because you’re my friend and I care about you and 2. you’re fucking miserable. Sam knows it and so do I. It would be one thing if it were only Ransom. I love the kid but I can deal with him being miserable, because not for nothing, he kind of deserves it, but you...you don’t have that sparkle anymore. You don’t glow anymore. Nothing really seems to excite you anymore. We were all hoping it would change when you got away from Ryan, but it very obviously didn’t. Sam is holding on to you getting over Ransom because of how badly he hurt you, and I don’t blame her, but it’s starting to feel like you two apart is doing more harm than good.”

“This isn’t why you picked me and I only have an hour, and we’ve almost used it all up and you’re very clearly still on your way to somewhere,” you sobbed, wiping your eyes.

“You have the rest of the day, don’t worry. I’m gonna need you to help set up.”

“Set up? Set up what? Does my boss know-”

“Stop with all the questions,” Shawn chuckled turning into the parking lot of Lombardo’s. “Yes, your boss knows and she’s perfectly fine with it. Sam doesn’t know though, so we’re gonna have to be quick about this.”

“Quick about what? Shawn-”

“My job offered me a chance to relocate for a year and I took it. Sam doesn’t know though, because I want to surprise her. We haven’t traveled in forever and with me relocating, I’ll work during the week and be able to explore with her on the weekends. That’s why I was so busy and seemed so distant, because I was trying to fill out all the paperwork and figure out all the work that would need to be done without telling her,” he smiled hopeful, but you knew he could sense the dread in you.

First Ransom and now your absolute best friend? Getting older was really starting to fucking suck.

“Hey, it’s only for a year, and you know she’s gonna talk to you every single day-”

“No, this is good. She’ll be so happy and it’ll mean the world to her, because she really is scared that you’re sick of her,” you scoffed.

“Y/N, I know this isn’t easy, which is why I didn’t wanna say anything until everything was finalized. I understand if you’re pissed with me-”

“I’m really not, Shawn. It’s just a lot to process, but I really am excited for you two.”

“Just a terrible fuckin’ liar,” he smirked and you let a small chuckle escape your lips.

“What do you need my help with?”

“Well, you spent all day working on the flower arrangements, thanks for that by the way-”

“Are you fucking serious?!”

“What?! I figured I’d get the hardest part out of the way!” he laughed as you playfully hit him. “So now, I need to figure out the best fucking way to decorate the damn place, and before you ask; yes, I did consider hiring someone to help with all of this, but no one knows her as well as you do.”

“I take it you know who is coming?”

“Everyone who matters to her as already RSVP’d, her parents are flying tonight-”

“You want her mom and dad in the same room? Are you insane? Did you forget your wedding?”

“This will be nothing like that,” Shawn quickly corrected. “I spoke to the both of them and made it painfully clear that if they can’t be civilized, then they shouldn’t bother to show up.”

“Do you want me to have another talk with them?”

“Please?” Shawn questioned sheepishly, gaining a small laugh and nod from you. “See? Everything is gonna be great, we just have to get the place set up.”

“When is it?”

“Saturday.”

“For fucks sake! Way to not give a warning!”

“Just remember that your best friend is head over heels for me!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have a talk with her about that later,” you scowled before getting out of the car.

As you both took your time setting up the place, you both continued to talk about the idea of you and Ransom ever giving it another go.

“Logan isn’t a bad guy,” you sighed as you both exited Lombardo’s and got back into Shawn’s car.

“I never said he was, Y/N. I really like the kid, and if the situation were different, I’d tell you to stay with him. However, at the end of the day, it isn’t. You’re still madly in love with Ransom, and he’s madly in love and heartbroken over you. He’s even toying with the idea of selling that house and boat in the Hamptons,” Shawn muttered, starting his car.

“WHAT?!”

“Oh for fucks sake,” he groaned, realizing what he’d just done. “Hes only brought it up a few times, Y/N. Nothing is set-”

“He can’t sell that fucking house, Shawn. It’s our house!”

“Hun, his name is on the papers. He can do whatever he wants,” Shawn responded weakly.

“No, he wouldn’t do that. Not without talking to me about it first,” you shook your head in disbelief.

“Like I said, nothing’s set in stone, but I do know one thing.”

“And what is that?”

“The way you just responded? You’re nowhere near ready to move on with Logan.”

The rest of the ride was filled with you and Shawn going back and forth about the future of you and Logan, basically creating a pros and cons list in real time. By the time you two were back at the flower shop, there were more pros for you to get back with Ransom than there were cons.

“Logan deserves better,” you sighed as you ran a hand through your hair.

“That’s honestly just another reason for you to leave him,” Shawn shrugged, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

“He told me he loves me, Shawn. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? How can I just break it off when he loves me?”

“I never said any of it would be easy, and I honestly hate that because you deserve a win. You deserve a breakup that isn’t messy or painful, but staying with him out of fear of breaking his heart? Staying with him because you don’t wanna hurt the nice guy with a heart of gold? Y/N, you know better than that,” he scowled.

“Maybe after the party,” you mumbled, pulling out your own cigarette and stealing Shawn’s lighter to light it. “I do care about him, Shawn. I want to to love him and I think in time I can.”

“I know you do, Sweetheart, but you and I both know it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough. Even if you do let yourself love him, it’ll never be enough or the same, and you’ll never be truly happy or satisfied.”

“Why do you want me with Ransom so bad?”

“It’s not that I do or don’t want you with Ransom,” he chuckled before taking a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling “I just want you to be happy. Yeah, it’ll make Sam happy and that makes me happy, but I’ve known you for a long time now. I see how hard and how much you love. I’ve seen how much pain you’ve gone through, how you’re always there for others, and how genuine you are. Of course I want you to be in love with someone other than Ransom because he hurt you, but at the end of the day, you don’t. You’re just as in love with him as he is with you. The man has done everything in his power to change for you, and you can’t move on no matter how hard you try, and you’ve tried hard. Just be with him. Be happy and have the life you want. He isn’t gonna fuck up again, so have the life you truly deserve,” he smiled softly.

“Sam is gonna kill me,” you chuckled, wiping your eyes before taking a drag from your cigarette.

“You said you’d do it after the party, right? Don’t worry about Sam. I’ll deal with her. I love dealing with her,” he smirked.

“And on that note,” you started as Shawn burst out laughing “I’ll see you two idiots tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait,” he smiled before wrapping you in a tight hug. “It’s only gonna be for a year, Y/N. I promise to bring her right back.”

“You keep her wherever she wants to be for as long as she wants. She deserves all the happiness in the world and that’s all I want,” you smiled, breaking away from him. “I know she thinks she needs to worry about me...she doesn’t. You two go off and be happy.”

“You know Sam. She can never be away from you for too long. She’ll text every day, call every other...you’ll see.”

“You better get going before she sees you,” you smiled as you dried your eyes.

You quickly get out of the car, cigarette between your lips, waving goodbye as he pulled off quickly, before turning and smiling at Sam almost a full 3 minutes later as she pulled up to the flower shop.

“I thought you were cutting back!” she snapped as soon as she saw the cigarette in your mouth.

“Its been a hell of a day,” you scoffed before throwing it down and stomping it out.

You felt bad because you knew Sam was leaving you soon, but all your mind could focus on was Ransom selling the house.

The home you two built together little by little. Yes, it was his home to sell, but at the same time...it wasn’t.

“You are a million miles away, what’s going on with you?” Sam chuckled as the waiter brought another round of drinks.

“Nothing...it’s just been a long day. It’s Ransom’s birthday today and I just...it doesn’t matter,” you smiled softly. “Tell me about-”

“Babygirl, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“Sam, please don’t. I’m trying okay? Really trying. Logan is wonderful, he just isn’t wonderful for me. I’m doing my best to make it work.”

“What’s the problem with him?”

“He’s just not for me, and maybe that says more about me than him, but we just don’t fit. He told me he loves me and I just looked at him like he had 10 heads.”

“Okay so talk to me, what’s the problem?”

“He always goes to you or my mother about getting gifts for me, he never trusts his own instincts. He’s always rearranging my art room even though I’ve told him multiple times to leave it alone. Sexually...”

“Is he bad in bed?”

“Not particularly...it’s just not there. That spark. He’s so old fashion and not spontaneous at all. I don’t need him to want rough sex all the time, but sometimes would be nice. I don’t come alive for him like I did for Ransom. Granted, it’s much better than it was with Ryan, but it’s still...it’s lacking. I keep telling myself that as I get older, I don’t need to fucked like a slut, but even with taking that out of the equation, there’s still no passion. At least on my end. I feel awful because he deserves someone better and I want to be that person, but I’m not. I’m just not,” you finished with a heavy sigh before taking a sip of your mai tai.

“Maybe it just doesn’t feel right because you keep comparing him to Ransom.”

“Sam, I’m doing my best to not. I’m doing my best to love and want him in the somewhat remotely close way I do Ransom. You think this is infuriating for you? Imagine how I feel about this shit. I don’t know, I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. It always leaves me feeling spent and exhausted. How are things between you and Shawn?”

“Y/N-”

“Sam please, I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. How are you and Shawn?”

“Things seem to be better,” she responded with a sad smile. “He seems to be more excited these days, but I have no idea why. I don’t know, my whole mood has changed about everything I was feeling before. I feel like something’s about to happen, but I don’t know what or when, but I just feel it. I know I sound crazy but-”

“You’re making perfect sense,” you smirked before finishing your drink. “What are you getting into tonight?”

“I honestly don’t know, Shawn’s been in movie mode lately and the theme seems to be about adventures and travel. Last night’s movie was the ‘African Queen’, and the night before was ‘Goonies’. Monday, he was obsessed with ‘Robin Hood’.”

“Which one?”

“The old one, with Errol Flynn.”

“Always a classy man that Shawn. What’s the plan for tonight?”

“I’m getting ‘Roman Holiday’ vibes from him.”

“Ya know, I’m so happy you married him,” you smiled and Sam fell into a fit of laughter.

“What about you?” she breathed when she finally calmed down.

“A long night of thinking, I’ve got some choices to make,” you partially lied as a sad smile played on your lips.

There was no need to tell her about your plans with Ransom and get her all worked up.

“Y/N, I know I give you a hard time about Ransom, but I don’t mean to. I just...I see the bad more than I see the good. I always have and you know this, but I can see what all of this is doing to you. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but if you really believe that Ransom is the one for you, just try again. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think, and if you do choose him, I’ll support it. I won’t like it at all for a while, but I’ll get over it and support it,” she smiled sweetly at you.

In that moment, it hit you that Sam was going to gone for a year, and she was your main support system. If you decided to start over again with Ransom, you’d have no safety net, no one to call over if you and him got into an argument or didn’t work out for the third time in a row, and no one to celebrate with if things did, in fact, work out for the best.

Yes, you’d taken giant steps in being on your own and making your own choices, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you’d always known that she was your safety net. She had always been only a phone call or text away, and in about a week, she’d be a whole continent away. The longest you two had ever gone without hanging out was a month. Maybe a month and a half. What the fuck were you supposed to do for a year?

You were truly going to be on your own.

‘Maybe you should stay with Logan,’ you thought to yourself before shaking head. “Let’s get you home, that man of yours is waiting for you,” you smiled, clearing your throat slightly.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah no, I really am. It’s just been a long day and I’m just a little tired. Between Ransom and work, I’m just kinda burned out.”

Sam gave you a look like she didn’t believe but nodded anyway. “I think some rest will do you good.”

The drive back to your place was filled with horrible 90’s sing-a-longs, reminiscing over the stupid things you two did as children, and talks of the future. Halfway to your apartment, you text Logan to tell him about the party and apologized for the late notice, completely understanding if he wouldn’t be able to make it.

You couldn’t help but be disappointed with yourself when you scowled at his almost immediate response saying that he can’t wait to pick you up tomorrow.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay, babygirl?” Sam asked she pulled up to your apartment.

“I will be. Growing up is just a bit tough at times.”

“You’ll call me if you need me, right?”

“I promise,” you smiled softly. “Get home and have some fun!”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

You watched her drive off before taking a deep breath and heading inside. When you got inside your apartment, you checked the time and saw that you had 10 minutes till movie night with Ransom. You quickly changed into his AC/DC shirt and gray pair of sweatpants, grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine, before making yourself comfy on the bed.

You’d just made yourself comfortable on the bed when your phone started to go off, and you laughed softly, finding humor in how punctual he was being.

“Happy birthday to you!” you started singing loud and off key while Ransom started laughing. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Ransom! Happy birthday to you! How old are you now? How old-”

“Stop!” he laughed “we don’t need to talk about the numbers anymore.”

“Making it to 42 is a very big deal, especially for you. I’m very proud of how far you’ve come and all you’ve done for yourself, Ransom.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you, Princess,” he smiled at you and you felt those butterflies come alive in your stomach like they always did for him. “I see you’re wearing my shirt for this.”

“It felt like the right thing to do,” you giggled. “Why didn’t you wanna go out tonight?”

“I did for a bit. Holly insisted on spending some time together and going out with-”

“Holly?”

“Oh...yeah, she’s just someone I’m seeing. Someone to take up my time,” he all muttered before taking a rather large sip of his scotch.

“Oh...” was all you could really say. You did your best to ignore the mind numbing pain in your chest and looked away from the screen. You weren’t going to allow yourself to cry in front of him. Not on his birthday and especially not when you were the one who kept telling him to move on. “Well, she must be something more than someone to just take up your time. It’s not like you just started seeing her today-”

“It’s only been a few months,” Ransom sighed, irritated with himself.

“So, there’s something bigger there. I know you and you wouldn’t spend a few months with someone if you didn’t feel something for them,” you pressed on, even though it was breaking your heart in a brand new way.

Why couldn’t you just drop it?

“Jesus, it’s not like I’m going to marry her, Princess.”

“Then what am I not seeing? Why be with her if you don’t see it going anywhere?”

“Because even monsters get lonely, Princess.”

“You’re not a monster, babe,” you sighed, shaking your head before finishing your glass of wine and pouring yourself another.

“What about you and Logan? Logan...?”

“Hitchens.”

“Logan Hi...why do I know that....oh, now that’s just too fucking funny,” he scoffed, downing the rest of his drink and pouring himself another.

“What is?”

“Nothing Princess. The universe is just full of fucking jokes at my expense. Anyway, he treating you well? He’s in the construction field, right? He makes enough to take care of you?”

“It’s not about the money-”

“I know it isn’t, but I don’t want you being with some fucking loser who can’t provide for you.”

“Things are fine, I guess. I don’t know, I try not to think about it,” you shrugged.

How had the night taken a bad turn so fast? Weren’t you two supposed to be watching a fucking movie?

“Try not to think about it? What does that even mean?”

“It’s just...there’s just a lot of pressure from everyone and I just...I wanna take every thing step by step,” you smiled weakly. There was no way in hell you were going to tell him that you were gonna break up with Logan tomorrow, not when he had someone who could finally be good for him. Not when he finally had a shot at moving on from you. “This isn’t what you wanted to do though. You wanted a much needed movie night,” you smiled before clearing your throat.

“Princess-”

“I’m fine, Ransom. I mean it. I wanna celebrate your special day with you,” you lied.

Yes, you wanted to spend time with Ransom on his birthday, and seeing him happy is all that mattered to you, but you weren’t fine at all. You were so far from fine.

For the most part, you two genuinely enjoyed the movie (mainly Ransom laughing at you for quoting it almost line for line), Ransom let you sing ‘Love Is A Battlefield’ with almost no judgment, and he attempted to appreciate the movie.

Everything was fine until the scene where Jenna was on the train home and ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel started playing. It was hitting a little too close to home about a few things in your own life, and you couldn’t stop yourself from shedding a few tears.

“Hey, why are you crying?” Ransom questioned, alarm in his tone as soon as he heard you sniffle.

“It’s nothing, it’s just...ya know what? It’s so dumb, it doesn’t even matter,” you scoffed humorlessly, as you wiped your eyes. “It’s been a very long and emotional day and I forgot that this song was in the movie,”

“What does this song have to do with anything?”

“One of the first big fights my parents ever got into...Sam snuck over and sat in the bathtub with me in my attempt to try to hide from it. It was really bad. They were both screaming, things were thrown, my mother destroyed half the kitchen, the cops were eventually called...it was terrible and it was the first of many. Anyway, the night she came over and hid out with me in my bath tub, she brought over this record and she brought it and the record player in the bathroom with us, and when this song came on, I just started bawling. I just couldn’t stop and she didn’t say a word. She just took my hand and squeezed it, letting me know that she’d always be there, no matter what. We were 10 when that happened, and shes been by my side ever since, no matter what. Shawn told me today about the party tomorrow and him taking her away for a year and I’m happy for her. If there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s her. However, hearing that song makes me think back to that day and all the things we’ve been through since then, and the harsh reality is that I’m gonna be alone, and that’s never been the case. She’s always been able to come over whenever and vice versa. I don’t know, today has just been a lot of adulting at once,” you smiled weakly.

“Princess, you’re not alone. You’ll have your parents, your brother, your niece, Logan-”

“It’s not the same,” you sighed, ignoring the fact that he said you’d have Logan. “My parents and my brother have all abandoned and let me down at one point. My niece? What is she gonna do? She’s just a child,” you laughed. “Sam’s always been by my side and been there for me. Calling me on my shit and keeping me honest, as well as been patient with me while I try to figure out the hard shit,” you smirked. “It’s fine though. I have to be my own support system. I have to start doing things that I know are in my best interest and stop waiting for her to give me the ‘okay’ or her disapproval. I’m capable of making my own choices, but it’s just easier to do with her here, because I know I’ll always have her at the end of the day. It’s gonna be fine though, All of it will be fine,” you sniffled out with a soft smile.

“Do you want me to come over, Princess? I don’t like the thought of you being alone like this.”

You had to think about it for a minute, because all you wanted was Ransom. He was all you ever wanted. It had nothing to do with sex, you just needed him to hold you and to to tell you that everything was going to be okay. You needed him to tell you that everything was going to work out. That you and him were going to work out.

However, things weren’t what they were before. He had someone and so did you, and even as innocent as your movie night for his birthday was, it was still something neither of you would tell your significant others about because it was too personal, and meant so much more.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to,” you said after a beat “you just shouldn’t.”

“Y/N, I’m not gonna try anything, especially when you’re like this!”

“No, i know that. I do and that’s what makes this all that much harder. I can’t...it’s not right, Ransom. It’s not right and it’s not fair to you. You don’t have to be my knight and shinning armor.”

“I want to be though.”

“Ransom...I should go. We both need some rest because tomorrow is going to be long and busy.”

“What about the movie?”

“The movie has been over for about 15 minutes now,” you laughed.

“I don’t wanna leave you like this, Princess.”

“I promise you, I’m gonna be okay.”

“I love you.”

That somehow made all the pain your chest much more terrible. “I love you, Ransom,” you responded with all the positivity you could muster before disconnecting the call.

The minute the screen went black, you burst out into tears. You almost started to call Sam, but then the painful reminder that she’d be gone in a week’s time hit you like a ton of bricks. So, you just sat in your bed and cried, because what the hell else was there to do? The crying never stopped, but you did tire yourself out after about an hour or so, enough for you to finally want sleep. That night, you hugged your pillow as tight as you could, falling asleep to the thought of Ransom holding you close and kissing your head, telling you that everything was going to work out as it should.

When you woke up the next morning, the sky was gray and you couldn’t help but think find it fitting. You had a mini-panic attack, thinking you’d overslept for work, before remembering that Shawn told you that he got you Saturday off. You rolled over to check your phone and saw that you had a handful of missed calls and texts, and that it was 7am.

‘You would wake up at 7am on your fucking day off,’ you scowled at yourself mentally.

You scrolled through your lock screen to see who you missed out on talking to, and you didn’t feel the need to hurry and respond to anyone. Not even Logan.

Logan.

‘How the hell were you gonna break up with him? What were you gonna say? Why were waiting until after the party? Wouldn’t it be best to do it beforehand?’

All of these thoughts and more ran through your head, and all they were doing was stressing you the fuck out. You laid back down and decided to start going through the news, but all that did was depress you more. You were ready to put your phone down and try to go back to sleep when you received a text from Ransom.

Only One: Hey, I don’t know if you’re asleep or not, and I’m sorry if this wakes you, but I just wanted to check on you. No matter what happens, you’re always going to be the most important person in my life and all I want is for you to be okay. If I upset you by telling you about Holly hurt you...it wasn’t my intention in the slightest. If you need anyone, you know I’m always here. You’re never alone. I love you so fucking much and I’ll see you later.

Cue the tears.

You really wanted to stop, but you just couldn’t. You wanted to put on your big girl pants and get it together, but it just felt impossible. Fixing everything that had gone wrong, while also trying to believe in a happy future for yourself where you could just stand on your own two feet felt impossible. So, like any other capable adult, you decided to lay down and decided that everything could wait for the next couple of hours.

You told yourself that you’d breakup with Logan before the party, you’d tell Ransom that you wanted to buy the house off of him, and you told yourself that you’d be happy with the outcome of everything, no matter what. However, you kept finding yourself too tired and wanting more rest, which really didn’t surprise you all that much. Between work, crying, trying to figure out your feelings, and just trying to become your own person; you were fucking spent.

By the time you finally mustered the energy to do what you said you were going to do, it was time for you to get ready to go.

‘Well, I guess this party is one final ‘hoorah’ for both your relationship and your friendship with Sam. Who knew you’d be so good at killing two birds with one stone?’ you thought to yourself as you got ready.

You took your time getting ready, in no particular rush to go through the motions and pretend that you were okay, and especially in no rush to see Ransom with his new girlfriend, who you were sure was going to be stunning. You told yourself you’d be happy for him though, and that you’d be nothing but nice to his date. You spent forever trying to get him to move on.

Telling him to move on.

If he finally had, it was for the best and what he deserved. Happiness with someone who was good for him.

When you heard Logan knock on the door and tell you that he’s ready when you are, you took a deep breath and smoothed your hands over your dress. 

“You look gorgeous,” Logan beamed as you opened the door. He looked you over and the most loving look came over him. “I mean, I know I tell you this all the time, but you really are breathtaking.”

“You don’t clean up so bad yourself, Mr. Higgins,” you smiled softly, ignoring all of the guilt you felt knowing you’d be breaking his heart in a few hours.

The car ride felt like an eternity and you knew it was only because you knew you were dreading everything that was about to take place. Logan droned on about work and two of the projects he had coming up.

“The guy is a fucking hard ass, but it’s really nothing compared to working for Drysdale,” he scoffed as he pulled into the parking lot.

That had your attention.

“Wait, what?”

“We’ll talk about it later, babe. We’re here and I don’t wanna dampen your mood,” he smiled at you before giving you a quick peck on the cheek.

How could he not see how unhappy you were?

Nonetheless, you made your way out and followed him inside, quickly scanning the building for anyone you were remotely comfortable with. As you made your way inside the giant hall, your eyes landed on your mother but she was with her latest boyfriend, so you opted out of joining them. You soon found your father, but he was with his newest young bride, and since you’d decided not to go to the wedding, you thought it best to stay to yourself. You were about to give up and sulk in the corner while Logan played the usual roll of ‘Mr. Personality’ until your eyes finally found your brother, his wife, and your niece.

“You guys came!” you squealed, running over to them and picking up your niece, Sydney, who in return gave you the biggest hug she could muster.

“Thought you could use some support today,” he smiled softly.

“Daddy, she’s not crying! You said she’d be crying?” Sydney questioned looking from you to her father, as you burst out laughing.

“Little snitch, I said she might be crying and told you not to say anything about it,” he scowled playfully as Sydney just giggled.

“How have you been?” Ashley questioned with a soft smile, shaking her head at both her husband and child.

“Um, up and down. It’s good for her, I’m happy for her, and I know she’s gonna love every minute of it. It’s only a year,” you smiled the best you could.

“But...” Ashley egged on.

“She’s been the only constant in my life and I’m just so use to having her around all the time. I know I can call or text her, and she’ll get back to me whenever, but it’s just not the same. I could always go to her when things went wrong, but now...I’m on my own,” you sighed.

“You’ve got us,” your niece reminded you with a bright smile.

“You know what? You’re completely right, I do have you guys,” you smiled at her before kissing her cheek. “Who knows, maybe you can come over and hangout in a few days, I’ll have more than enough free time.”

“What about you and Logan?” John asked absent minded.

“We’ll talk about that later,” you sighed as the man in question made his way over.

“Hey! I should’ve known the whole family would be here,” Logan laughed, giving your brother a firm handshake.

“Yeah, I’m not really sure how my dad scored an invite, but yeah, the gang’s all here,” you scoffed.

As everyone started on with their little conversations, you felt a pair of eyes on you and you instantly knew who they belonged to. You were at war with yourself on whether or not you wanted to meet his gaze, but in the end you gave in just like you always did.

Ransom looked gorgeous and so did his date. Seeing the blonde bombshell with her arms draped around him made your heart shatter instantly, but you forced yourself to get it together.

Tonight wasn’t about you and you were determined to be happy for him.

You gave him a small smile and nod, before turning back to your family and your boyfriend, but you felt his eyes lingering on you, and it was making it hard for you to breathe.

“They’re here!” Sam’s mother called out, a giant smile on her face.

In fact, both of her parents looked happy and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen them happy in the same room.

Logan quickly rushed to grab a drink off of one of the server’s trays and quickly brought it over to, placing it in your hand and placing a quick kiss on your cheek.

Why couldn’t you love him and move on from Ransom?

You didn’t have time to think on it as you heard Sam’s voice, asking Shawn a million and one questions as they made their way closer.

“Shawn, for the millionth fucking time, I don’t understand why you won’t take this fucking blindfold-”

“SURPISE!” everyone screamed once Shawn removed the satin silk from her eyes.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed, her hand clutching her chest as everyone broke out into a fit of laughter. “What the hell is this all about?!”

“Baby,” Shawn laughed, taking her hand in his and turning to face her completely “I know you’ve been worried these last few months, for whatever reason, that I’m going to leave you but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I got assigned pretty fucking far for my next assignment, and I said yes almost instantly. I knew from the moment they told me about it that it was something you’d love, soooo uhhhh, I kinda just started uprooting our lives,” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Shawn...what?” she laughed incredulously before looking around the room, only relaxing when she saw you looking back at her with a small smile on your face.

“Next week, literally a week from today...we’ll be in Brazil...for a year.”

“W..w-we’ll what?”

“We can go on adventures and hiking, you can start on those projects you’ve been wanting to work on for years, we can-”

“Stop, stop, stop...you basically uprooted our lives, without telling me, to Brazil?!” she snapped, more in disbelief than anger or irritation.

“...yes? This is basically our....well, mainly your going away party,” he smiled sheepishly.

“ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS AMAZING!” Sam screamed, jumping up and wrapping her arms around him as the room erupted into laughter and applause.

“You had me worried for a moment,” Shawn laughed before kissing her forehead.

“Imagine how I’ve been feeling for the past few fucking months!” Sam laughed, wiping away her own tears.

From that moment on, the night seemed to flow with ease. You stayed glued to Logan’s hip, mainly in hopes to avoid Ransom and Holly, and did your best to mask your feelings.

“How long have you known?!” Sam beamed with a slight slur as she finally got to you, wrapping you in a tight hug.

“He literally just told me yesterday, after I put a majority of the flower arrangements together,” you laughed, a small hiccup escaping your lips.

“You put the flowers together?! Babe, they’re amazing!”

“I’m happy you approve,” you giggled.

“How are you with all of this? Are you okay? We can take you with us!”

“I’m fine,” you laughed “it’s just gonna take some getting used to.”

“You won’t have to get used to it if you come with us!”

“Sam, this is an adventure for you and Shawn alone.”

“I know, it’s just gonna be weird not having you by my side, ya know?”

“Trust me, I know,” you mumbled before taking a sip of your drink.

“Sam! I’m so excited for you!” Holly squealed, making her way over to Sam and wrapping her in a big hug, as Ransom slowly and awkwardly followed behind. “See?! I’m good at keeping a secret!” she laughed.

“Yeah no, it’s truly something,” Sam scoffed awkwardly, giving her a half hug. “I don’t think you’ve met my best friend, Y/N,” she smiled towards you as you tried to convey with your eyes, to Sam, that you were going to stab her later.

“No, but I’ve heard a lot about you,” the blonde smiled, but you could tell she wanted to wring your neck.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you smiled the best you could before looking away. “Sydney looks like she’s one accidental insult away from making that woman cry, so if you all will excuse me,” you chuckled, before ducking out and running over to your niece, who was in fact, accidentally insulting an older woman.

You quickly got your niece away from the poor woman and back to her parents, and you felt Ransom’s gaze on you the entire time until you were out of sight. You were doing all you could to keep it together. Why was he always determined to make it harder than it had it to be?

‘Because he has no real intention of ever letting you go,’ you remind yourself mentally.

As the night went on, you kept checking your phone, trying to decide if you’d endured the suffering long enough before it was time for you to go home and endure another kind of suffering.

“Babe, are you okay?” Logan asked, coming up behind you. “You’ve seemed kind of far away all night,” he questioned, a worried expression etched into his face.

“Everything is great,” you smiled sarcastically as you downed another glass of champagne before trading flutes for a full one with a server that was passing by.

“Y/N, if you wanna go home, we can leave-”

“No, not yet. I’m here for Sam and she’s very much not ready to wrap the party up.”

“Babe, please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong-”

“I just need a minute with my thoughts,” you smiled weakly before getting up and making your way to the bathroom.

The moment you got inside, you locked yourself in a stall and let out a deep breath before letting a few tears fall. In all honesty, you were ashamed with yourself because you were starting to feel more upset about seeing Ransom with someone new than you were about Sam leaving, though both were really starting to take its toll. Maybe it would be best to leave before you didn’t have the energy to break up with Logan. It’s not like you were necessarily in a rush to break up with him, but you didn’t want to string him along anymore. If anything was made clear as the night went on; you’d never be able to love Logan the way he deserved and you weren’t about to drag out another relationship that had no business starting in the first place.

You cleared your throat and took a deep breath before getting out of the stall, looking yourself over in the mirror and giving yourself a small nod, before making your way back out. You made it two inches before colliding into someone.

“I’m so sorry, I...Ransom,” you stopped as you looked up at your innocent victim.

“No, it’s okay, I was just waiting for you to get out...I wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay. You looked like you were about to cry.”

“You shouldn’t pay so much attention to me, I’m sure Holly isn’t happy about it,” you chuckled awkwardly, shifting your weight from one foot to another.

“She’ll be fine as long as people keep paying her compliments and the booze don’t run out,” Ransom scoffed. “Are you okay?”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I always worry about you, how have you not realized that by now?”

“Ransom-”

“I’ve been contemplating getting you alone all night and talking to you. Making love to you. Making love to you and hearing you tell me that you love and need me just as much as I love and need you, because it’s all I’ve been thinking about for months. I know how to get you to be mine, at least for a while, and it’s been so hard not to act on that. However, what does that change? What does it show? I keep pulling us into this heartbreaking cycle because, for me, it’s better than nothing, but each goodbye hurts more than the last. Sex isn’t enough to keep you here and I get it, okay? I truly do because I’ve been watching you two all night and while I see some of the cracks, I can see that he’s good for you. I finally get what everyone’s been saying, and you’re happiness and well being are all I want. I just want...I need for you to be happy...even if it’s not with me,”

“Ransom, please don’t-”

“I can’t have everything I want...I’m not supposed to. Not even if it’s something that I think is for the best.”

“Ransom wait. Please just-”

“Is everything okay here?” Logan asked, approaching you two with an almost genuine smile.

“Logan, right? Nice to see you again,” Ransom faux smiled as he extended his hand to shake Logan’s.

“Good to see you again, Hugh-”

“Please call me Ransom,” he smiled at him before giving you a quick and sad smile then returning his gaze to Logan.

“Everything holding up alright at ‘Sunshine’?”

“Yeah,” Ransom scoffed “looks like the building is holding up pretty damn well.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Logan laughed before turning to you. “Babe, Sam is asking for you, she’s at the head table.”

“Oh...oh okay, I guess...I guess I’ll go see about that,” you mumbled before walking away and trying to process everything that had just taken place.

“There you are! Where-what’s wrong?” Sam questioned as soon as she saw the exasperated expression on your face.

“Nothing, what’s up babe?”

“Don’t lie to me. Not at my going away party.”

“Sam, it’s really nothing-”

“Y/N, in a week, I’m not gonna be here and we won’t have a chance to have talks like these. What’s wrong?”

“I just...Sam, don’t worry about it. I promise, I’m gonna work it all out and it’ll be fine,” you smiled before taking a seat and wrapping her in a tight hug. “Now, please stop reminding me that you’re leaving me soon,” you laughed.

“I’m trying to come to terms with it myself,” she laughed softly and you could tell she was doing her best to hold it together.

You both stayed by each other’s side until it was time to say goodnight, making plans about what the two of you would do when she got back, and talking about your ‘final hoorah’ before she left.

“Did you have a good time tonight, Sunshine?” your father asked, coming up behind you and Logan as you all made your way out.

“Yeah, I suppose,” you chuckled humorlessly as Logan scoffed and shook his head. What was that about? “How did you even manage an invite?”

“Shawn thought it would be best to have everyone whose seen her at every stage of her life here. She hugged me tight and thanked me for coming, so I think we’re okay,” your father smiled softly. “You wanna do lunch next Sunday?”

“Lunch sounds good,” you smiled brightly before giving him a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too, babygirl.”

The car ride back to your apartment was silent and you could feel the tension in the air. You knew why you were stressed, but Logan? You had no clue what was going on with him. Halfway through the ride, he placed his hand on your thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, but didn’t think it would be right, seeing as you’d only be adding to his misery in a few short moments.

“Do you want anything to drink?” you asked as soon as you two set foot inside your apartment,with you making your way to the kitchen while he sat at your kitchen table.

“No, I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he sighed.

“Logan-”

“You love him, don’t you?” he asked in a way that had you knowing he already knew the answer.

“Who?”

“Y/N, it’s been a long night. Please don’t beat around the bush. You know who. Ransom.”

“Logan-”

“What makes it worse is how hard you’re trying. How hard you’re trying to love me instead of him, because I can’t even be mad at you. I can’t be mad at either of you, because...what is there to be mad at?”

“Please just-”

“The way you looked at him, the way you didn’t look at him...how hard you avoided him...he named a restaurant after you. A restaurant that I built, and I didn’t even catch on until tonight after your dad called you ‘Sunshine’ as we were leaving. What kind of fool does that make me? Then when I found you two standing outside the bathroom-”

“Nothing happened,” you quickly defended as your tears started to fall freely.

“I know, baby,” he smiled weakly. “That’s what makes it worse. I want to be mad at you. I want to yell at you, but there’s nothing to yell about. You did your best. So did I, but sometimes-” he stopped short, clearing his throat, “sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

“I tried so hard, Logan,” you sobbed. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t want...I tried.”

“Oh, no tears. No tears, honey,” he softly cooed, walking over to you and wrapping you in a tight hug as a few tears of his own fell. “Lets just call it a wrap, okay?”

“I can send you your things if you don’t want to-”

“I think that would be best,” he chuckled, interrupting softly before kissing your forehead. “I know you can’t love me back, but I do love you. I hope...I hope no matter what, you end up happy.”

“Same to you,” you smiled weakly as you two pull away from each other once and for all.

That night, after he left, you sat out on your balcony and listened to ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel on repeat, while drinking wine straight from the bottle. You cried until you were empty and ignored your phone until it went off for what had to be the 13th time. You knew it was Sam in the same way that you knew she was moments away from just showing up at your place.

“I’m fine,” you slurred with a sigh, finally taking her call.

“Then why have you been sending me to voicemail?!”

“Logan and I broke up. Well, he dumped me.”

“Oh babygirl...I’m so-”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s what I deserve. He saw Ransom and I talking and put two and two together. He deserves better. I want him to have better. He’s the best guy, but he’s just not the best guy for me.”

Sam was thoughtful before she spoke. “What are you gonna do now?”

“I have no fucking clue.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Sam, I’m really gonna be okay when you leave. You don’t have to squeeze in all of my breakdowns this week because you’re leaving.”

“I know I don’t, but I just...I want to leave knowing you’re okay.”

“In time, I will be,” you promised.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? I love you.”

“And I love you.”

You stayed out on your balcony until 2am. You still planned on confronting Ransom about buying the house from him, but that’s really as far as you had planned. Ransom had made it painfully clear that he’d given up on the idea of you and him being together; Logan had dumped you, and you were more than positive that buying the house in the Hamptons was going to put a dent in your savings. It was all you had, which you found pitiful. A house that you hadn’t even purchased was your only chance at of comfort; it all stung of a quiet desperation that you knew you were better than.

You did your best to sleep, but the butterflies you developed in your stomach at thought of confronting Ransom about the house wouldn’t let you rest. By the time 10am came, you were more than ready to get the whole thing over with. You took your time showering and even bothered to eat breakfast (if only to procrastinate), before getting into your car and heading to the restaurant that always seemed to have some major impact on your life.

“Mr. Drysdale isn’t here yet, but he will be shortly,” Diana smiled frantically as you made your way to his office.

You honestly did feel bad for the poor girl. This was her second encounter with you, and once again it was stressful. “Just let him know that he’ll have a client waiting for him in his office,” you smiled as you picked the lock with your hairpin.

“Ms-”

“Please, call me Y/N.”

“Y/N, he won’t be happy about you breaking into his office, let alone-”

“Diana, when is he ever happy? Honestly?” you sighed, turning to face her as you opened his office door. You could tell she was really trying to think of a time and you couldn’t help but chuckle. “He’s not gonna fire you, hun. I promise. Take a deep breath, I know it’s way too early for all of this. Just let him know that he has a client waiting for him. Okay?”

“Okay Y/N,” she smiled timidly before turning and making her way back to the front of the restaurant.

You sat in Ransom’s office chair behind his desk and looked over the room. He didn’t have much hanging up. A few photos of him and Harlan, one of him, Harlan, and his grandmother. A photo of him with his parents, and a few of you and him in the Hamptons. You wanted to see what he saw every day. You were tempted to take a look at the picture frame on his desk, to see if it still held the photo of the both of you, but you heard the doorknob turn and got up.

“What the fuck is the point of you if you can’t even stop people from breaking into my fucking office?!” Ransom all but shouted as he stepped foot into his office, his angry gaze still on Diana.

“You really need to start being nicer to her, and pay her more. This is the second shes had to put up with our bullshit and it really isn’t fair,” you offered sympathetically, giving Diana a small and sympathetic smile.

“Prin-Y/N, what are you doing here?” he asked incredulously, waving Diana off.

“Be nicer to her, Ransom. I like her and I can tell she works her ass off. Both times I’ve seen you address her, you’ve been rude as hell.”

“Well, both times, you’ve been the one stressing me the fuck out,” he muttered as he took a seat behind his desk. “What’s wrong?”

“Why does something have to be wrong?”

“Because you’re here, of all places. Something’s the matter.”

“That doesn’t mean that-”

“Princess, it’s early as shit and I’m tired as all hell. What’s going on?” Ransom sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I heard you’re thinking of putting our house up for sale and I wanna buy it from you before it goes on the market,” you shrugged, taking a seat in front of him.

“Excuse me?”

“Where did I stutter?”

“Princess, while I’m happy that you have Logan, I’m still a piece of shit and I’ll be dammed if you two are living happily in our-”

“Logan dumped me last night, Ransom,” you sighed, turning your attention to the bird that kept taping on his office window. “He saw how I looked at you and...anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m buying the house because I don’t want anyone else living in our home. It’s ours and I love you. I don’t want anyone else-”

“Say it again,” Ransom begged softly.

“What part?”

“You love me.”

“I love you, Ransom. I always have and I always will. I’m done trying to fight it, and if this house is all we have, then so be it,” you sighed, meeting his gaze with watery eyes.

Before you could blink, Ransom was up and rounding the desk before kissing you deeply.

“Stop it,” you sighed once you two broke apart. “You have Holly-”

“Holly broke up with me last night and I couldn’t be happier about it. She said that I don’t seem to care about anything as much as I care about you and she couldn’t be more right,” he husked against your lips.

“Wait....so does this mean...?”

“It’s just you and me, Princess. We’re back in this roadside show,” he chuckled and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a soft laugh. “You are everything in the world me and I swear to God-”

“Don’t. Just don’t Ransom. I’m not strong enough to deal with-”

“I swear, I’ll never hurt you like that again. I’ll never lie, cheat, or make you wonder if I’m all in or not. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. I just want...Princess, you’re all I need and that’s never gonna change,” he promised breathlessly.

This time, you were the one pulling him close and kissing him deeply. He had his hands around your waist almost instantly and pulled you up and close to him. You gasped as you felt just how happy and excited he was on your inner thigh, knowing what was about to happen.

It wasn’t lost on you that the door to his office was open, and that neither of you were quiet, but you didn’t care. Nothing mattered as long as Ransom was back in your world and you two were together.

“Fuck,” you moaned softly as he slid his hand down your jean shorts, finding the part of you that always craved attention.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life proving to and showing you just how much I mean that,” he groaned, picking up his pace.

“Ransom please,” you softly begged, undoing his pants and pulling them down the best you could, before undoing your own shorts and trying to get them off.

“Gonna take my time, baby. I’ve missed having you like this for so long,” he moaned as he kissed his way down your body, taking special care of each of your breasts before finally reaching your aching core. “This fucking cunt,” he grunted before sucking on your clit through your panties.

“Ransom!” you cried out, your hands gripping his hair tight. “I need to feel you, so make love to me or kick me out!” you whimpered pathetically.

“Oh, someone’s impatient,” he snickered as he slowly pulled your panties down. “You made me wait, so I’m gonna make you fucking wait,” he all but warned before starting to lick and suck on your clit.

“Oh fuck!”

Ransom was tender and fierce at the same time, as if he was trying to make you remember but not forget. He wanted you to remember how good it felt for him to do anything to you, but he also wanted you to remember that no one would ever make you feel so good.

That no one could ever make you feel so good.

“I’m so fucking close, baby,” you sobbed, hiking one of your legs up on his shoulder. The only kindness he showed you was adding three fingers and fucking into you relentlessly as he sucked on your clit with more vigor than he ever had before.

“FUCK!” you shouted, unable to control yourself, as you came hard all over his fingers and tongue. “Ransom please,” you panted “I need you...take me home,” you begged.

Ransom took his time cleaning you up before deciding to respond. “Home? You think I’m waiting? Oh Princess, you should know me better by now,” he chuckled darkly as he slowly made his way up, kissing your stomach, wrists, and breasts on his path, before finally placing a desperate and dirty kiss on your lips. “I’m gonna have you right now.”

“People will hear-”

“Good, I want everyone to fucking hear us,” he husked as he forced you to around and bend over, so your hands were placed firmly on his desk. “I want everyone to hear that you’re mine and you’ll always be mine,” he grunted as he thrust himself into you.

“Ransom!” you cried with a silent sob, gripping his desk tight.

“I love you so fucking much and I’m so fucking happy,” he moaned as he loved you from behind. “So happy that I’ll never have to be without you again.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you confessed with a sob, trying to hold off your release. “I love you, Ransom. I’m never gonna stop...there’s only you for me,” you mewled as you you lulled your head back, relishing the feel of him stretching you.

“You’re the only...fuck, you’re the only thing in my life that makes any sense and feels right! I’m never gonna take that for granted again,” he groaned as his grip tightened on your hips.

“Only want you, baby. I only need you!”

“Gonna need this perfect little cunt to cum for me,” he demanded hotly against your ear.

“Then claim me,” you mewled, not caring about the fact that you were scratching up his desk. “Make me yours again, Ransom! I need to feel your love deep inside of me!!”

“I need to hear you say it again,” he sobbed into your neck. “I always need to hear it!”

“I love you! I love you so much, Ransom!” you cried out, determined to have him finish first.

“Shit!” he softly cried out, spilling his seed inside of you.

“Yes!” you cried, your arms giving out as you finally gave him what he’d been craving.

You both stayed that way for a moment, his arms wrapped around you as you both tried to come down from your highs. Lost in one another as you both reached the realization that you were both finally home.

“I’m never going to do anything to make you question my love or loyalty again, I swear,” Ransom panted.

“We have a lot to work on-”

“And we’ll get there, I just need you to believe that. I need you to believe we’ll make it this time.”

“I need you to be faithful this time.”

“Princess, I swear I’ll never cheat again,” Ransom repeated, his hold on you getting tighter.

“Lets go back to my place, we have a lot to talk about,” you chuckled.

Both you and Ransom quickly made your way out of the restaurant. All eyes were on you both since they all heard what you had done, but you couldn’t help but smile. None of it mattered, because you finally had him back.

You drove together back to your place. For the first few hours, nothing was resolved because Ransom couldn’t keep his hands off you, and you didn’t want him to.

By the third hour, you told him that things needed to be discussed and you weren’t making things official until they were.

That’s when the arguments started.

“I’m not living in that fucking house, Ransom,” you laughed humorlessly as you both paced around in your kitchen.

“Ya know, this discussion has been a lot about what you’re not willing to do. When will we get around to what I wanna do?”

“Ransom, all you want is to get married and you��re bat shit crazy if you think I’m accepting that proposal right now.”

“Why not?!”

“What do you mean,’why not’?! Ransom, this has never been a healthy relationship! It was based off sex, and now-”

“Now it’s obviously more than that! You can’t tell me that we’re both not ready for marriage!”

“Yes I can!”

“Maybe you’re not, but I most definitely am!”

“Ransom...no you aren’t. You pushing yourself towards something you aren’t really ready for is what fucked us over the first time. Please don’t make the same mistake again,” you pleaded softly.

You both spent the rest of the night going back and forth about the relationship you two had, as well as what the future you two could have together. When it was time for you to leave for work the next day that became an argument as well.

“You don’t have to work,” Ransom muttered, still half asleep.

“We’ve had this talk. I want to work, I’m not about to sit around the house and wait for you-”

“What’s so wrong with just letting me take care of you?”

“That’s not the kind of woman I am and you know that. You’ve always known that. We’ll talk about it some more after I-”

“I’ll take you to work, we’re not done talking about this,” he sighed before getting up and getting dressed.

That made your heart swell, because it showed you just how much he truly did care and wanted to make things work. It wasn’t all just words with him; you were everything to him and he was determined to prove that to you.

“You’re honestly one of the most ridiculous people I know,” he huffed as he pulled up to your job. “What time are you getting off?

“5.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then. I love you,” he muttered before leaning across the console and kissing you deeply. “Will you at least think about what I said? And my proposal?” he asked once you two broke apart.

“It’s all I’m going to be thinking about,” you laughed softly.

From that moment on, you really tried to see things from Ransom’s point of view because he was making good points while you two argued. You needed to get over your reservations and fears about trusting him, or else your relationship would be doomed. You’ve learned firsthand how a lack of trust poisons love inch by inch; you’ve lived that life with Ransom before and are willing to see from his viewpoint if that’s what it takes to be happy.

As the week went on, you two went back and forth between making love and arguing, compromising and negotiating. By the time Saturday got there, you were happy to be going out with Sam because you needed a mental break. It wasn’t Ransom’s fault; it wasn’t your fault, but there was just so much that needed to be handled and discussed. The entirety of it all was starting to take it’s toll on you.

“Princess, I’m fucking trying here, but you’re not giving me-”

“Ransom, you don’t think I’m trying too?! I’m so selfishly in love with you and want nothing more than to be with you but this is hard! So fucking hard and I know I’m being difficult, but put yourself in my shoes!”

“I’m trying to and I know I fucked up, but you said you want to give us another shot! How the fuck are you giving us another shot if you refuse to meet me halfway on anything?! You say I’m not ready for marriage, but I am! I want everything with you and I’m more sure than ever about that, that will never change! I need you to just give me an ounce of trust-”

“What do you think this is?! What do you think I’m doing?! Me being with you, arguing, wanting to try and get this right?! This is me giving you an ounce of trust!”

“No, this is you-”

“Hey, stop arguing for 5 minutes and let me in!” Sam yelled from the other side of your apartment door, banging on it.

“Sam, now isn’t-”

“Ransom, I brought Shawn over with me so you can whine to him. Now open up because I need my best friend!” she sassed, hitting the door harder.

Ransom cocked an eyebrow and you just shrugged. You down at your watch and saw that you weren’t late for dinner.

“Y/N!” she yelled.

“Calm down, I’m coming!” you snapped,quickly making your way to the door.

You opened the door to see a very panicked Sam and a very stressed Shawn. “We need to talk,” was all she said before grabbing your wrist and pulling you into your bathroom with her.

“Sam, what the hell is going on?” you asked as you closed the door.

“I don’t wanna go,” she almost cried as she got in your bath tub and opened one of the wine bottles you’d just noticed she brought with her.

“Don’t wanna go where? To Brazil? Why not?”

“I just don’t want to,” she sighed before taking a drink from the bottle.

You took a deep breath before making your way over and getting in beside her in the tub. “Since when are you afraid of an adventure?”

“I just...what if I don’t have fun? What if I watch him fall in love with someone else? What if-”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” you scoffed, taking the bottle from her and taking a drink from it yourself.

“And you. You’re not going to be with me. You’re not gonna be within distance for me to just see you when I need or want to. We’ve never been too far from each other and now-”

“Yeah, I’m not too thrilled about that part either, but it’s only a year and I know you’re gonna love it and have fun. Shawn is insanely in love with you and he would never fall for anyone else. There’s no one else as crazy as you,” you chuckled while she laughed. “Plus, if you really think about it, a year really does fly by. It’s almost been a year since my botched wedding.”

“It is? Oh shit! It is!” she gasped as you gave her a small nod and smile. “You always know how to calm me down. You sure you don’t wanna come with us?”

“You’ll be fine,” you laughed, taking another sip. “What triggered this little panic attack?”

“Our house is all but empty. No food, majority of our clothes are already in Brazil, pictures, shoes...I don’t know, it just finally set in. Shawn thinks I’m mad at him but I swear I’m not, I just don’t think I was ready for a surprise of this magnitude.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell him to give both of us a heads up next time,” you chuckled as you passed her the bottle.

“So, you and Ransom? I take it you two are back on.”

“What gave it away?” you huffed, grabbing the other bottle of wine while she took a long sip from the one you two had been sharing.

“From what I heard, Ransom has a point,” she sighed and you could tell that she hated that she was taking his side.

“I know, okay? I just...I didn’t expect this. After what he said at your party, I thought that he was truly ready to move on and then he kissed me, and now...”

“Babe, do you wanna be with him?”

“More than anything.”

“Then you’re gonna have to be all in. I know you’re scared and it’s terrifying, but you made the choice to take him back. You can’t just take him back half way.”

“I know, I know,” you groaned, sinking deeper into the tub. “I’m just so fucking scared.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I really don’t think he’ll ever cheat on you again. It doesn’t sound like this is the first argument between you two and he’s still here, trying to work all of this out. He’s all in, you just have to be too,” she smiled at you reassuringly.

“Ugh, you better not get a new best fucking friend while you’re away,” you sulked, laying your head on her arm as she burst out laughing.

“You have nothing to worry about, I’m fairly positive that no one else will be able to handle me.”

“You know what we should listen to?”

“I’m one step ahead of you,” she smirked before pulling out her phone and playing ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel.

That night you both stayed in that tub for an hour, listening to the same song and comforting one another. Ransom decided it was best for him to make dinner for everyone. He and Shawn watched TV in the other room while you and Sam watched Disney movies in the main room. At some point you both fell asleep, holding each other tight.

“Gotta get up, baby,” Shawn called softly, gently shaking both you and Sam. “We gotta catch our flight.”

“Already?” she asked groggily.

“You can sleep some more on the plane,” he chuckled softly.

Ransom told you that he’d be driving them to the airport and you insisted on going, sitting in the back with Sam and holding her hand. The car ride was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence.

“You’re gonna have so much fun,” you promised Sam as you both got out and you hugged her tight.

“I know. Everything is going to be fine, I just need to get out of my head. You and Ransom are gonna be just fine too.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” she smiled at you before pulling you in for another tight hug. “I love you so much,” she whispered in your ear.

“I love you to the stars and back,” you responded, letting go of her and wiping away a few tears.

“It’s gonna fly by,” she promised, wiping away her own tears.

“You’ll be back in a blink,” you nodded.

She gave you one final hug before walking off with Shawn, and you stood there and watched until they were out of site.

“I’ll cut back on my hours at work,” you sighed once you got back inside Ransom’s car. “I’m not living in your house, but I will go house hunting with you for a place of our own. As for marriage...I’m not there yet. I know you are, but I just need more time,” you finished, turning your attention to him.

“I can work with that,” he beamed, before leaning over the console and kissing you deeply.

From that moment on, you did your best to trust Ransom. You two settled on a house not too far from where you worked, and instead of working every day, you worked 3 days a week. You didn’t press him when he came home late and took him at his word when he said it was work related. When he went out with the few friends he had, you did your best to not stay up and worry. However, Ransom easily put your mind at ease when he would come home and be all over you, never stopping until he was sure you were truly satisfied, holding you close.

In it’s own way, everything was ideal and you were happy. You were happy and you felt at ease. However, you were still denying Ransom the one thing he really longed for.

“We’ve been back together for almost a year! How much more time do you need?!”

“Ransom, that’s just it! It’s only been a year! That’s not enough-”

“Don’t. Fucking don’t. We’re not like other couples. You and I have been meant for each other since we first started this! We’ve been together long enough! All of the pain, bullshit, tears...what else do you need from me?! Why won’t you just say yes?!”

“I’m just not there yet, Ransom! I’m sorry! I want to be but-”

“But what?! Y/N, what else do you need me to do cause I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it is you want!”

“Ransom-”

“I don’t know what else to do, Princess. I just...I need some time,” he sighed, walking over to the coat rack and grabbing his jacket and car keys.

“Don’t go out right now, please. It’s pouring! You can barely see-”

“I’ll be fine, Princess. I just can’t be here right now,” he said before opening the door and making his way to the car.

“Ransom please!” you called after him from the doorway.

“Get inside, I’ll see you in a little bit,” he called back before getting into his infamous Beamer and starting it up.

You kept begging for him to come back inside, but he just pulled out of the driveway and drove off. You weren’t unfamiliar with him taking drives when you two got into an argument, but he’d always been smart enough to not leave in the middle of a fucking storm.

After a few hours went by and he still wasn’t back, you decided to call him. However, to your dismay, when you heard his phone going off in the kitchen, you quickly realized that it was no use. You poured yourself a glass of wine to try and calm your nerves, but it did nothing to help. You text Sam and told her everything that happened, and when she responded 40 minutes later it helped none.

Other Half: Why don’t you just marry him?

Y/N: Because I’m not fucking ready!

Other Half: Well, what the hell else does the man need to do? Jesus, I don’t even like him and I feel bad for him. Just say yes!

Y/N: What happens if it all goes to shit?

Other Half: Then it all goes to shit. Listen babygirl, I love you and I want the best for you, but this back and forth shit isn’t fair to you or him. If you weren’t ready to deal with all of this, you shouldn’t have taken him back. In the time you two have been together, he’s done nothing but make sure he gets everything right. What else do you need from him?

Y/N: You just don’t get it.

Other Half: No Y/N, you need to commit or not. You need to be with him or cut him loose. He’s not asking for anything outrageous, he’s literally just asking you to marry him, which is what you were all too excited to do not too long ago. Either piss or get off the pot, babe.

Y/N: You’re supposed to be on my side, Sam.

Other Half: Me not babying you doesn’t mean I’m not on your side, Y/N. You know that. I’m being harsh because you can’t keep doing this. Either you’re all in or you’re not. It’s really that simple. You can be mad at me if you want, but I’ll be home in less than a week’s time and I will have expected you to make a decision by then. If not, we’re gonna exchange some words.

Y/N: Yeah, I guess. It’s almost 2am and he still isn’t home. I’m gonna call around.

Other Half: Let your heart guide you, babe. If you’re this worried, it’s a sign. Take the plunge and say yes. Just let yourself be happy. Let yourself love him completely without reservations. You’ll feel so much lighter and be so much happier. Just trust me.

Y/N: We’ll see.

You were about to call one of his favorite bars when you saw headlights in the driveway. You were about to run to the door when you saw the headlights backing out drive away, leaving you completely confused. However, all confusion was erased when Ransom came walking in with cuts and bruises all over his face.

“What happened?!”

“Fucking Beamer spun out,” he muttered, throwing his coat on the rack. “I got taken the fucking hospital over nothing and the Beamer is totaled, but I’m-”

“You could’ve died!” you yelled, running over to him and wrapping your arms around him.

“Hey, I’m okay, Princess,” he chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around you. “I just got you back, where the hell do you think I’m going?”

“You can’t leave me, Ransom. Not like that.”

“Baby, I’m fine. I promise. It’s just a few cuts and bruises-”

“Yes,” you breathed before you could stop yourself.

“Yes? To what?”

“I’ll marry you. I’ll be your wife. Yes, I want everything with you. No fear, no reservations...I just want you. Yes.”

“Princess-”

“I thought I lost you, Ransom. I was so scared and I thought...I don’t want to live in a world where you aren’t by my side. You are my world and I love you. I want this. I want you,” you promised, looking up at him with watery eyes.

“I hear the weather is wonderful this time in Paris,” he smiled down at you.

You and Ransom made love until sunrise the next morning. He made you a million and one promises and you believed every single one of them. You felt ashamed that it took you almost losing him to realize just how much you needed him. How much you loved him. The next afternoon, Ransom was buying plane tickets and booking a hotel for you two for next week, telling you that he didn’t wanna waste anymore time.

Trying to explain to your boss why you’d need a week off on such short notice, without letting her know that you were getting married was a hard task, but after a bit of back and forth, she approved it.

The entire flight to Paris, you had butterflies in your stomach, still trying to believe that everything that was taking place was real.

“Hey,” Ransom called to you softly, pulling you out of your chaotic thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“This is gonna work. We’re in this forever,” he smiled at you. “I love you, Princess.”

“I love you, Ransom,” you sighed, a giant smile spreading across your face.

In that moment, all of your worries and stress finally melted away. You believed him with every thing you had in you. He’d never give you a reason to worry again, and you’d never shut him out and push him away again.

“Looks like someone’s finally up,” Ransom smiles as he makes his way back into the bedroom, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“I’m your wife,” you smile, holding up your ring finger as he gets in next to you.

“Mhm, you’re stuck with me now,” he smirks, cuddling up next to you and pulling you close. “How do you feel about that?”

“How do you feel about that? I’m the one that’s the hot mess,” you laugh as he trails kisses up and down your neck. “Don’t start that, we have to get ready to meet everyone at the Bar of the Eiffel Tower! Your family, mine, Sam and Shawn...no one has a clue what we did,” you giggle.

“Sam wouldn’t let me go to her wedding, so it’s only fair that she didn’t get to come to ours,” Ransom scoffed as you playfully pushed him. “Besides, we can have a quickie,” he chuckles as you laugh out loud. “We’re so close to the Eiffel Tower, we’ll be on time no matter what.”

“Says the marathon man,” you smirk before a gasp escapes your lips at the feel of his hand between your legs, his finger tips lightly teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Ransom!” you moaned.

“Just want a taste, Mrs. Drysdale,” he smirks before bringing his fingers up to your lips. “I have time to taste you, don’t I?”

“Please baby,” you whimper before licking your essence off his fingers.

“Such a good girl,” he chuckles before disappearing under the covers and spreading your legs, giving him easy access to what he desired.

You moan in delight as Ransom is a menace between your legs; your mind wander to the previous day.

Somehow Ransom, in all his glory, managed to to get you both a suite at the Hotel San Regis for a week, and git a priest for you two so you and him would be able to elope in front of the Eiffel Tower. You kept your dress simple, but elegant, and made sure your bouquet was full of peonies and peonies only. While a part of you felt a little upset about not having your families there, you preferred it that way. There was no stress, no unwanted opinions, no bickering about flowers and centerpieces, and no one to question whether or not you were making the right choice or not.

It was just you and Ransom, and that’s all that mattered. Meeting him in front of the Eiffel Tower made your heart swell. He looked perfect and, in that moment, you knew that things worked out just as they were supposed to. All of the good, and the bad, had led you two to that moment and it was all worth it.

The ceremony was quick and simple, just as you’d always wanted, he hired a photographer to take a few pictures of you both before and after the ceremony, as well as the cute little French restaurant where you both had your first dance to ‘Stand by Me’; Bar of the Eiffel Tower. Everything you had ever wanted or needed had finally come together, and you had to pinch yourself a few times to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

“Fuck!” you cry out as you come undone for Ransom, just like you always do.

Like you always will.

“Are you sure we need to leave right now?” he chuckles after kissing his way back up your body.

“They can wait,” you smirk, wrapping your arms around him. “I just wanna focus on you right now. I just need you.”

“I’m yours for forever,” he husks softly as he slowly pushes his way inside of you, loving the sounds that escape your lips as he slowly pulls you apart. “I’m yours until you tell me otherwise.”

As you and Ransom make love, your mind can’t help but think forward and wonder what your life holds. All anxiousness and worry fall away as your mind sees Ransom by your side in every version you imagine for yourself.

Everything was going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine as long as you have Ransom to stand by you.

The lyrics of the song to your first dance start to echo in your head as Ransom takes his time showing you just how much he truly loves and adores you.

‘I won’t cry, I won’t cry,

No, I won’t shed a tear

Just as long, as you stand,

Stand by me’

~~

taglist: @fuckingbye​, @maroonsunrise83​, @whxre4cevans​, @sweetflowerdreams​

#Ransom #ransom thrombey #ransom drysdale #Hugh Drysdale #hugh ransom thrombey #hugh thrombey #ransom hugh drysdale #hugh ransom drysdale #Knives Out #knives out fanfic #knives out smut #knives out fanfiction #Ransom Thrombrey #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom x reader #ransom x you #ransom drydale x you #ransom x y/n #ransom smut #hugh ransom drysdale smut #Hugh Ransom Drysdale Fluff #hugh ransom drysdale x reader #ransom thrombey fluff #ransom drysdale fluff #Fluff #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale fanfic #Ransom Drysdale Smut #fanfiction #fan fiction

[opalsdarkreadings]

✰𝙅𝙪𝙟𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙪 𝙆𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙎/𝙊. 𝘽𝙤𝙣𝙪𝙨: 𝙎𝙪𝙠𝙪𝙣𝙖 𝙍𝙮𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣✰

Pairing: Gojo, Yuji, Fushiguro, Nobara, Sukuna x gender neutral reader

Warning: angst, depression themes, mentions of blood

Notes: I love the smell of saddens and crying in the morining, great starter of the days. lol I hope you all enjoy, there’ll be some grammical errors so please just ignore and I’ll try to fix them when I spot them. And I’m addicted to this series and characters so I’ll be releasing a bunch of others stuff regarding this show soon.

✵𝗴𝗼𝗷𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘂✵

You were going to get up, you always did. The two inseparable prankster would be back at it agian like always. Like old times. You....you were fine

But the pit of his stomach twist and churn, his heart aching with a new found sense of despair. He knew, so why didn’t he just accepted it.

NO! You were going to get up, you just liked to joke around that’s all. So why did he feel a surge of rage so deep, so painful that ach his very core. Even destroying the special grade left nothing but dissatisfaction.

For the first time in his life he felt... hesitant.

Your body unmoving from the blow dealt by the curse demon. The curse being dealt with in seconds afterwards. The stillness felt eery, his heart pounding against his chest as he makes his way to you unmoving body

He crouch and pulled the slik blind off his face, beautiful bright blue eyes scanning over you body. Sadness being reflected in them but he kept that signiature smile of his

“S/o...can you still move?” He asked hoping, silently praying you could at least answer him.

...nothing.

“Cutie-chan~ quit playing around...get up so we can go home....” the weak laugh that left his lips felt more like whimper, as you continue to not answer him.

He doesn’t even know why he’s trying, he should be use to it. He’s lost thousands of friends in battle, time and time agian. One of his students wouldn’t come back, a coworker that didn’t make it, a close friends that died tragically. He’s heard it all.

So why did it hurt so much?...

Droplets fell over you color ridden cheek, you body being lifted into a broad chest. As Satoru buried his face into the crook of your neck, that awful perfume he hate infiltrating his nose, a choked laught left him.

“God I hate that perfum..”

That smile of yours as bright as the evening star, flooded his mind, your words ringing out as he cradled your dead body.

“I know you do, but you still love me~.”

✵𝘆𝘂𝗷𝗶 𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗶✵

That face, you always made that face whenever you did something stupid. Honestly, he couldn’t talk much, seeing on half the crap he’s done was on impulse, however...god you were an idiot.

You Could’ve lived, left him there on the cool slab of the concrete, the beast that was too far over their heads coming his way. He could’ve handled it, Sukuna was a stubborn bastard, but wouldn’t let him die.

You were and utter fool and he cursed about it to this day.

But it all felt like slow motion, the pounding of your footsteps hitting against the ground, his weak shouts trying to get you to go back. The drop in his stomach as that sickening crack echoed out the domain.

There was so much blood, the walls were splattered with it, the floor painted a sea of red, your body nothing more than crushed remembrance of what it used to be.

He’s never felt such a feeling of rage so strong before. All his actions a blur until late on. When he’s bound by a cursed rope and set aside near the school where the cursed demon was located.

A stretcher hauling, what’s once was your body. Your hand peeking out from under the blood covers. That’s all it took for him to lose it.

The rope keeping his struggling body from moving as he sobbed hysterically.

“S/O! S/O! Answer me please..please! Why would you do that?! You’re such an idiot damnit, don’t you dare leave me...you promised.” He fell over the harsh ground, tears cascading down from his cheek to the floor.

Fushiguro and Nobara gazes lowered to the ground. Effectively trying to hold back their friend as your body was carried off.

His sobs turning into quiet whimpers. It dawned on him, he’s was official alone now. You and his Grampa being taken from him unfairly. He had no one, you would never smiles at him agian

Slap his head whenever he got a little to handsy or tease Him relentless when he slipped up and blurtted out random things

Your sweet laugh would be distance memory of the past, something that made his heart squeeze with hurt.

“That’s no fair...it’s not fair.” He mumbles soflty to himself

Sukuna for once, was eerily silent.

✵𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗼 𝗠𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗶✵

He still couldn’t believe it. It all happened so quickly. One minute you two were sharing a passionate night, basking under the moonlight as you kiss and bodies dance together.

And the next, he’s cradling your bleeding body, words stuck in his throat and horror swirling on his eyes. Trembling hands trying to stop the blood from gushing out from your neck.

The bastard had got away but he could care less. “S-s/o..just...just stay awake for me okay...c-can you do that for me?” His words trembled off his lips, your eyes shifting over to his. The dullness setting in.

Weakly, your fingers brush over his cheek, his hands reaching up and taking hold of them as he kiss over the knuckle. “You’re....you’re gonna be okay! I promise the others are coming.” He hadn’t realized it but tears had already started falling from his eyes.

He was lying out his ass, the culprit behind this, another cursed user, has been terrorizing this part of town for months now. They weren’t letting him getaway, so you’re mostly his responsibility till the aftermath. He knew you didn’t have that long.

He went to move you but you grunt in pain, more blood pooling out from the wound. He cursed and held you on the bloodstained ground.

“I’m sorry...I-I’m so sorry..” he mumbles into your neck, uncaring if his face was stained with blood as his quiet sobs racked his body.

With as much strength you could muster, you raised your hand to be lazily placed over his head and stroked it over it like you always did.

“I...I l-love you..” you whispered to him, your body becoming slack and your hand falling to your side.

He didn’t need to check, he didn’t need to see whatever expression your face was making to know that you were gone. His grip over your lifeless body tightens, his cries reaching into screams.

This felt all too familiar to him.

He wanted to blame you for breaking his defense, to inching so close to his heart. For making him so happy and attached, but he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy the moments that came with it.

The memories that’ll forever stay replaying like a broken record in his mind. This is why he didn’t try to make friends, he didn’t try to get close, he hated that he loved you so much.

✵𝗡𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗮 𝗞𝘂𝗴𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗸𝗶✵

Maybe she was too mean to you, not caring enough, She mishandled you to many times, to many fights and arguments over tedious things that should have been left as it was.

Was this her punishment? She allowed for such actions to boil and fester, and now what? A dumb argument over a stupid past that no longer connected to you and the exchange was your life. 

Even though you said you sorry’s, I love you’s, there was still tension before you both part. Nobara saving to say all those mushy things she felt for when you were back in her arms

Oh, the deep regret she felt.

The way her teammates came back quieter than usual and more seemly more sluggish then earlier

“What are you idiots standing like that for, that cursed demon shake you that bad. Hmph, simple enough what would you guys be with me?” She teased her sly smile spreading over her lips before it falter

They didn’t even try to agrue much less protest, they just seem distraught, stunned even. Then I dawned on her, they were missing someone...they were missing you.

“Where’s...where’s s/o?” She asked them soflty. A look of guilt overcame Yuji's features as he fished for something out of his pocket.

Confusion ran across Nobara face before it morphed into horror. A single scrap of a school uniform being held out in his hand.

“We...we couldn’t get their body..” Megumi finished his gaze meeting her’s before falling back to his feet. Fist clenched tightly to his side.

She barely heard anything after that, her eyes fixated on the single scrap of clothing. She inched to Yuji taking it and stroking her thumb over the material.

She bites her bottom lip, this was fates cruels joke. She didn’t deserve you from the beginning, it seems like everywhere she went someone had to leave her.

But why did it have to be violent? Why you out of all people. Maybe she should have told her how much you meant to her.

How much of a rock and pillars you were in this crazy life of hers. A beam of reassurance and love that she could always depend on whenever she needed you.

How does she continue now, that beams were gone, taken from her so harshly. The only things she could cling so desperately to have been the last thing she saw you in.

What a cruel world she lived in.

✵𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚✵

There was always some form of a catch when it came to huamsn. No relationship or friendship was formed without a common goal or another interest being taken into play.

The sweet smiles, honey-coated words, and gentle touches were always a facade...wasn’t it?

He could care less about what happened to you, what became of you. After all humans are dirty devilish creatures so even more so then cursed beast.

But he didn’t understand... he didn’t understand why he felt such strong stings of anger, sadness, and a bit of shock bubble in him as you push him out the way.

Did you place some sort of technique over him, that made the king of curses catch such disease as emotions? Laced your words and touches with magic that only you could see and undo....no that’s not it.

Possible it was this damn vessel's fault. Always hanging off your words and embraces like a lovesick fool. Opting to distract himself with your praise and love then rather focus on what’s important at hand.

though denying that he didn't enjoy your persevere, from time to time would make the ping of guilt worsen.

Your body hit the floor with a loud thud, the gaping hole through your chest made the anger and feelings of anguish flow in him.

He didn’t even notice when he had taken over Yuji's body, destroying the very thing that took you away from him. The slaughter more animalistic and erratic as his state of sanity seems to be blown out the window.

He cares not for the look of horror and fear that clouded Yuji's teammate's face. Not concerning much of his attention to them, he came over, plucked your dead body from the ground, and disappear.

Appearing back to that place you talked with Yuji so dearly about..what was it again. He couldn’t recall the name, only knowing about the large wisteria trees that guard the scenery. 

“Dumb human...surely foolish beings you are.” He mumbles you head was press into his chest as he looked out from the Cliffs view.

“Look what you have done, making me feeling things for you..” his voice soft as he pushed back small strands from your face. Yuji memories of this morning playing back

“You two better make it out of here alive or I’m kicking both of your butts.” You proclaimed earning a whine from Yuji and scoff from Sukuna as he appeared on the other’s cheek. “Dare I ask how you’ll be able to deafest me, don’t bite more than what you can chew.” He threatens but only succeeded in making you laugh, “Mhm..yeah you’re right I’m just worried about my two favorite boys.” You had told them, leaning in and kissing a flustered Yuji, “I love you both so be safe.” Okay and no stupid actions.” You scolded Yuji plucking the boy's head.

A weak laugh fell off from his lips, “Looks who’s talking, you’re the one that’s gone and died on us..” he spoke aloud. Moving to crouch by the tree and sit your body against the bark.

He let one finger trail over your lips and down your features letting them be engraved in his memory as he gazes down at you.

That disease having still affecting him, even as you lay dead in front of him. These feeling of sadness and heart ach and most of all loneliness suffocating and clawing at his throat

He dare not shed a tear, Yuji would do enough of that for the both of them. Instead, he let his hand gently cup over your cold and colorless cheek. The warmth he remembers oh so clearly, know felt like something that occurs ages ago.

He leans his forehead against yours and shutting his eyes, and allowing Yuji to take control.

You’d never heard him say, though he wished you are hear so he could that dazzling smile as he did

“I love you... S/o.”

#jujutsu kaisen #gojo saturo x reader #jjk fushiguro #jjk yuji #jjk nobara #jjk gojo #jjk sukuna #yuji itadori x reader #fushiguro x reader #nobara x reader #jjk headcanons #jjk angst #sukuna x reader

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Hey there Savi.. could i request a kou,mitsuba and tsukasa x reader where their s/o gets bullied alot?? I've been struggling with it recently and now that school is going to start again im dreading it .. thank you in advance <3

kou minamoto x gn!reader, mitsuba sousuke x gn!reader, tsukasa yugi x gn!reader

a/n: of course!! I’m really sorry that you’ve had experiences like that, but I also genuinely hope that this year will be better! You’ve got this-!! And don’t be afraid to ask for help <3 you’re so so welcome, tho I’m sure schools probably started by now, therefore I’m super sorry for the time this took- and thank you so much for requesting <3

Waaaaaah i’m also sorry if it’s OOC, cos I know Tsukasa’s at least is;;; writer’s block is aaaaaaah-;; I’ve genuinely been writing this since September 19th,,,,

warnings: bullying

word count: 2,044

kou minamoto <3

You glanced at your phone screen, the date flashing up at you. It was depressing. Thoughts of previous years danced in your head, as you shut your phone back off. You currently stood outside of your school, “open house” finally over. School was starting back in just a few days. Your days of freedom could be counted on one hand… this was, by far, one of your least favorite times of the year.

“(Y/N)! Do you still want to walk to the park?” Kou questioned, running up beside you. You nodded, hoping that spending time with your boyfriend would get your mind off of school, and memories related to such. As the two of you began to walk, you could practically feel the question on the tip of Kou’s tongue. He always made himself rather obvious- his hands fidgeted a bit, his gaze lowering to the ground.

“Say, (Y/N)... you seem sad. Is it because school’s starting back?”

You thought for a moment, unsure of how to put it. He certainly wasn’t wrong…

“Yeah, that’s basically it… last year was just… not a good year, haha.”

“Oh? Well, I’m sure this one will be better!! If you want, we can make a list or something? All the bad things about last year can be something we change this year-!”

Despite bitterly knowing that it wasn’t exactly something within your realm of control, you laughed a bit. “That’s… insanely corny, Kou. I didn’t say a terrible idea- just… corny.”

When you glanced up at him, you noticed his red face, as he blurted out an excuse. A moment of fumbling over his words passed, before he gave up, glancing off to the side once more.

“Wh-whatever- I mean, just… like, tell me what’s wrong, if you want to. And I’ll try to help. Alright?”

“It’s really not something either of us can help, Kou.”

“So? I’m your boyfriend,” He seemed a bit embarrassed to say, most likely not used to pulling that sort of card, “If you don’t want to tell me, I can’t make you. But, if you’re alright with telling me, I want to know. Either way, I’m here for you...”

“Ah… I know it, Kou. Honestly, I just… dealt with some bullying last year, so I’m really not looking forward to this year. No matter how much I hear ‘oh, the bully does it to feel better about themself’, it’s just emotionally… hm, awful, you know?”

“Oh… I understand, (Y/N). I do remember some people picking on me, since I have a big brother like Teru- it’s not fun at all. Here!! I’ll stay with you, 24/7! Sit with me during classes, and I’ll hang out with you during free time!” “Thanks, Kou- but we probably won’t have every class together.”

“Then- just tell me if something happens during the class,” He spoke, crossing his arms rather seriously. “I’ll talk with the teacher! Easy peasy!!”

A moment passed, before Kou took your hand, looking at the ground, then back up with you. His eyebrows were furrowed just slightly, his eyes not as wide as they usually were. Kou was being serious- as serious as his sweet mind could let him be. He almost seemed to resemble his big brother even more- when the two were serious.

“If something happens, tell me, okay? I mean it. I don’t want this year to be bad for you- as your friend and boyfriend! Let me do what I can to help, alright?”

You blinked a bit. Kou’s words were so sincere, you felt your heart beat a bit quicker. “A-alright. Thank you, Kou. I really mean it.” You spoke, bringing the boy into a hug to hide whatever sort of expression you were making.

“Of course! You don’t need to thank me, (Y/N). I’m happy to try and help-!”

mitsuba sousuke <3

“(Y/N), if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’ll give you something to complain about.”

Ah, Mitsuba… he spoke, his arms crossed as he sat next to you, silently noticing your slightly disheveled clothes. Judging by the slightly down look you wore, too many things were now adding up. Something was bothering you, and he was bound and determined to find out what it was.

“Mitsuba, it’s okay, really. Here! Let’s eat, I’m starving!” You opened up your bento box, sliding one his way, and sticking the chopsticks into your mouth. Though you hummed happily, Mitsuba was… in Detective Mode, to put it lightheartedly. Your every move was being analyzed, as he tried his best to figure out what was wrong. Your eyebrows furrowed, as you swallowed a bit harder than usual.

“What’s the point of lying to me, dummy? If you aren’t hungry, it’s probably because whatever is bothering you is ruining your appetite. Talk to me. I’m serious.”

You sighed, feeling as if the food was stuck in your throat. Or maybe your throat simply felt as though it had a lump in it…? Either way, you were painfully aware of the unpleasant feeling. Along with the creeping suspicion that Mitsuba wasn’t going to leave this alone. Was he good at reading people?? Were you just easy to read…? Or maybe, he was just far too accustomed to the way you reacted to things. Able to focus in on the little things, especially when he wanted to. Perhaps it was the talent of a photographer? Being able to read the entire picture??

Perhaps you were thinking too much into it, desperate for a way to get your mind off of the things going on around you.

“I’m just… dealing with some stuff.”

“Well, duh. What kind of stuff?”

You kept your gaze glued to the floor, fiddling absentmindedly with the chopsticks. You knew you could confide in Mitsuba… yet, something about it felt practically impossible. What would happen if you told him? Could he do anything? He was merely a ghost…

“Oi, I asked a question. Listen, and listen well, you idiot- I know I can’t solve all your problems, but I can at least listen- which is what you’d better be doing right now. You listen to me, though who wouldn’t want to is beyond me, so I can at least do the same. I’m not your therapist, but I am your boyfriend.”

Those words danced around in your mind for a bit, as you considered how to put it. For a moment, you simply nodded, letting Mitsuba know you heard- and were acknowledging- what he said. A few more moments passed before you began to speak.

“Lately, there have been some students… picking on me, I guess. It’s… discouraging, and makes school feel like a living nightmare. You’re the only good thing in my day at this hellhole.”

“Oh.”

You tightened your grip on the chopsticks, trying to read Mitsuba’s tone. Suddenly, it clicked- remembering Mitsuba mentioning being bullied for being “feminine” and “foul-mouthed”. He truly, genuinely, understood where you were coming from.

“I see, then… I’ll tell you what to do, (Y/N). Tell an adult, lame-o. I don’t give a flying flip about ‘oh, they won’t believe me’ or ‘what if the bullies blah blah.’ At least try it- it’s hard, but I don’t care about that either. Also, freaking ignore them. Obviously, you don’t want to pay them attention, so don’t.”

“Mitsuba, it’s not that easy-”

“I know. (Y/N), I’ve been in your shoes. Maybe it’s different- I dunno what kind of bullying they’re doing. Still, if you’re good enough for my standards, you know you’re at least worth something. So don’t let those low-lives get you down. I promise you, if I could, I’d give them a piece of my mind. But, since I can’t, just… do it yourself, or something. Don’t endure it, you rat.”

(“Mitsuba, all your insults lowkey feel like bullying-”

“Shut up, stupid-face, you can’t tell a teacher on a ghost. What’re you gonna say?? Waaaah, sensei, school mystery number 3 is calling me names!! Hah.”

“Tsuchigomori-sensei can see you, you know. And he teaches both Minamoto boys!”

“Lalalaaaa, I can’t hear you-”)

tsukasa yugi <3

Tsukasa… knows.

There was no other way to put it. You knew he knew, and you knew he was just waiting. A part of him wanted you to ask him for help- to confide in him, even if it took some pushing. He was… a bit different in that sense- I mean, how was he to know you didn’t enjoy being bullied? Was it the same way he felt when Amane looked at him with such hatred?

“(Y/N)!! What’s with such a sad look?? Did you get a bad test grade?” Tsukasa questioned, floating alongside you as you entered the broadcasting room. You simply shook your head, placing your bookbag on the floor, then standing back up.

“It’s just been a day, Tsu,” You added, taking a seat near Sakura. As you did, she pushed a cup of tea your way, her gaze as it usually was. She looked right through you, as if you were nothing but a ghost. Still, it was a much better look than the ones given by the bullies. Muttering a ‘thank you’, you lifted the cup, fiddling with it slightly.

“If there’s something bothering you, feel free to share it,” Sakura spoke, her gaze staying on you, then finally closing as she sipped from her cup.

“If there’s something bothering you, share it.” Tsukasa added, placing his head on your shoulder and staring at your eyes. His gaze drifted to your hands when you brought the cup to your lips, then over to your throat as you struggled to swallow.

“Runt, if you don’t back away from them, you’ll the the one bothering them,” Natsuhiko spoke, raising his eyebrows at Tsukasa, then offering you a slightly concerned look. His expression was enough for you to know he wanted to know if you were alright- to which you shrugged, reaching up and patting the side of Tsukasa’s face.

“Don’t worry, guys. I’ll be fine, really.”

Sakura pondered for a moment, before standing. “Mitsuba, would you like to walk with me? I should go grab something.”

Mitsuba, who had been sitting off to the side- glanced up, his usual puppy-like expression on his face. “Sure,” He replied, standing up, practically in sync with Natsuhiko.

“I’ll go as well, my lady!”

Oh. She’s doing that on purpose.

Your eyes followed the trio as they left the room, and you could feel Tsukasa’s eyes still stuck on you. The moment the door shut, he spoke. “(Y/N), tell me what’s wrong. You don’t seem to enjoy being miserable!”

“Am I supposed to?” “You’re miserable then? What’s wrong, c’mon!!”

“I didn’t say I was- just that I don’t think many people like it,” You spoke, taking another sip from the tea. The warmth of it made your throat feel hot, but it didn’t help the lump stuck in it.

“(Y/N). Just admit to me what’s wrong, and I’ll do what I can!”

You sighed, not wanting to grow frustrated. Tsukasa was… trying. He just didn’t understand everything- the boy who enjoyed seeing people wear normally unpleasant expressions, of course he wouldn’t personally understand. He wanted to help you, but how could a ghost help? Much less, the ghost of a boy such as him?

“(Y/N)-” “I’m just dealing with some bullies. It’s fine, Tsukasa- I’ll figure something out.”

“I’ll kill them <3”

“Tsu-”

Tsukasa stepped away from you, crossing his arms. “So, (Y/N), you don’t like it when people bully you? I’ll take care of it! Promise!” “Stop it right there, Mr. Only-grants-wishes-for-the-dead. Don’t ‘take care of them.’ I just need to get enough confidence to tell a teacher or something…”

Tsukasa paused, pouting his lips slightly, before nodding. Quickly, he floated back over to you, and trapped you in a hug. His arms wrapped around you securely, making you feel rather safe for being in the arms of such a destructive boy. “Fine. I’ll go with you, then, (Y/N)! I’ll even hold your hand!! And I definitely won’t let those bullies bother you any more~.”

“Tsukasa, please, don’t do anything drastic-” “Whatever you say, (Y/N). You know I can’t go against the wishes of my cute partner~!”

#anon #gn!reader #x gn!reader #oneshot #tbhk #jshk #kou minamoto #mitsuba sousuke #tsukasa yugi #tbhk x reader #jshk x reader #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun x reader #kou minamoto x reader #mitsuba sousuke x reader #tsukasa yugi x reader