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linkspooky · 9 months

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Alright so I sent this a few days ago but since tumblr ate it here it is again: Do you think Megumi has ever lived for himself? Personally I'm in the camp that he hasn't. If you think about it he's always lived for someone else (Tsumiki) or told what to do all his life (Gojo). I am a corrupt!Megumi truther and I was wondering what your take was on this since I think if the corrupt allegations are true, Megumi's gonna go fucking ape shit with all of that in mind personally.

I love reading your analysis so i'm really curious to see your take on this!

Hello to a fellow corruption megumi truther!

The short answer for this is: No, he hasn't.

I assume you want the long answer though, which will take awhile to answer. To begin with though let's define what "living for yourself" is. There's two two possible definitions I can come up with off hand.

Number One: Living for yourself is having agency. Basically it means having the power over your life to make your own decisions. Is Megumi in control of his life? Does what he wants matter?

Number Two: Living for yourself means being selfish. In this context it would mean is Megumi truly entirely selfless in his devotion to both Tsumiki and Yuji or is there an element to selfishness as well?

I'll answer both of these underneath the cut.

EGO

Megumi's stated motivation is to selfishly save others. On further elaboration in the Origin of Obeidence arc what he means is that he became a sorcerer to protect a few loved ones like Yuji and Tsumiki because he does not want to see good people suffer.

Even in the end of the Hidden Inventory flashback, it's shown to us that Megumi made the decision as a child to go with Gojo rather than the Zen'in Clan on the basis that Tsumiki would be miserable in the Zen'in. He made that life altering decision for Tsumiki's sake rather than his own.

He even says in his flashback dedicated to Tsumiki that he finds the idea of saving people as a Jujutsu Sorcerer stupid. In an interesting inversion to Geto in Hidden Inventory, Megumi doesn't really feel obligated to protect weaker people out of some higher minded ideals. He doesn't believe it's his duty to help everyone, he'll even argue against going out of their way to save strangers if they're pressed on time.

Which is why he's chosen to elevate Tsumiki and Yuji over everyone else and dedicate himself to saving them instead. That is Megumi's motivation, his choice, he's choosing to save the few out of the many. His reason for being a Jujutsu Sorcerer ties to this as well, because he's not motivated by getting stronger like Gojo, he's not out to save as many people as possible like Yuji. Being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is just something that will give him the ability to protect his loved ones.

I bring up Megumi's motivation to emphasize that Megumi is making choices. Agency is the ability to make your own choices and take control in your life. Even if I'm not going to elaborate on how Megumi is someone who's basically been handed off to different people and has had little say in what he wants to do his whole life, he's still capable of making some choices of his own.

When he requests for Gojo to save Yuji, Gojo interrogates him about if that's what he personally wants and Megumi confirms it. He's going against what Jujutsu Society considers right and instead making his own selfish choice in the matter.

He says the same to Noritoshi more or less, that he's trying to follow his internal conscience rather than what other people think is right. THis is to contrast him to Noritoshi who's specifically trying to be the ideal heir for the Kamo Clan elders, so he can inherit the clan and then make it a place where his mother can belong.

Megumi is capable of making his own choices and deciding for himself, however the vast majority of time he does not do that. The panel ahead is another example of that, when the more complex politics of the Jujutsu World is brought up Megumi mentions he doesn't care.

He's capable of being decisive, but tends to be indecisive and flippant about a lot of things. One of the exmaples I bring up is how much he dismisses the possibility that Sukuna might be after him, because he cares more about Yuji's life than his own. Therefore when Yuji insists it's dangerous for Megumi to stay near him, Megumi ignores it.

Megumi is someone who has had a lot of decisions made for him in his life. He didn't choose to be a sorcerer. Gojo offered him a choice that wasn't a choice. Either he goes to the Zen'in and be a sorcerer but they'll treat Tsumiki horribly, or he goes with Gojo but Tsumiki might have a chance at a normal life.

His decision isn't made on the basis of his well being but his sister's. Gojo also walked up to a five year old child and had them make a choice that would affect the rest of their life. Not only that he exorted labor out of that child as collateral for uh.... giving that child money so he doesn't starve to death.

Megumi wasn't raised as a child, he was raised as a sorcerer. He was raised with the implicit idea that he owed Gojo and that he'd be a future return on Gojo's investment in him. Neither of these things make Megumi inclined to make decisions about his own life... because when have his opinions mattered? When has he ever been in control of anything?

He's essentially a foster child passed between different homes that has no permanent place of belonging or family. Toji not only left him alone so often he can't even remember his father's face, but then he remarried Tsumiki's mom and abandoned both children permanently. Afterwards he finds out his father sold him, and the person who apparently "rescued" him from the Zen'in only did so to come into his life to take advantage of him.

Megumi had little control over any of that. Which is why late into his teenage years he still doesn't try to make decisions for himself or assert himself because he's had so many choices of his taken away before this. He's not allowed to do what he wants he has the massive responsibility of being a sorcerer thrust on his head because he owes Gojo for not letting him starve to death.

This results in Megumi putting little to no value in himself, and even being shown as suicidal at several points going out of his way to try sacrificing his own life. Gojo comments on his tendency to sacrifice bunt rather than swing for the fences but he doesn't properly diagnose the reason why.

Megumi tries to match the others around him and downplays his own strength, because that's what he's been doing his own life. He doesn't live according to his own wants, but what other people (Gojo) want for him and how they cane use him.

IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH

On the flip side despite the fact that Megumi lives primarily for other people, he can actually be quite the selfish character. His habit of pedestalizing both Tsumiki and Yuji isn't as good or noble as it seems. In fact Megumi romanticizes his own devotion to Tsumiki in particular into a sort of sleeping beauty and her knight protecting her fantasy. You could even say he's white knighting her...

Even in the story itself we never learn who the real Tsumiki is. We don't know what her thoughts or opinions are. We only ever see her through Megumi's eyes, we only know what Megumi feels about her. Megumi has obviously made her out to be some sort of perfectly innocent suffering victim.

She is sleeping beauty on her bed. The thing about sleeping beauty is she has no agency. She can't argue with you. She can't say cruel things to you. She can't ever leave her bed. She's just the perfect princess always asleep and in need of someone to rescue and take care of her.

I don't think Megumi wants Tsumiki to stay asleep forever in bed though, part of his motivation is saving her from whatever curse she's affected by. However, by making Tsumiki the princess to his knight he's actively taking away a lot of her agency. He's not taking her opinions or what she wants into consideration. When you decide to put someone on a pedestal like that, the one-sided nature of that viewpoint robs the pedestaled of any agency in the relationship.

I do think Gege is deliberately paralleling their story with sleeping beauty, almost every time she's mentioned she's shown as either asleep or associated with flowers that are symbols of innocence and purity. She's cited as his model idea of a good person. He has her up on that pedestal. The one time that we see Megumi interacting with Tsumiki after she wakes up (though it's actually Yorozu) he tells her to go back to sleep.

It's like Megumi wants to wrap Tsumiki in bubble wrap and put her somewhere where she's safe, so he can continue to live out his fantasy of protecting her. While I don't doubt Megumi loves his sister considering he basically sold himself to Jujutsu High for her sake there's a twisted element to this as well.

I'm going to reference Tokyo Ghoul here. There's a scene where Eto outlines that Kanae a character who's been desperately trying to get their cousin / love interest (I know, gross) Tsukiyama to recover from their sickness and leave there bed that all along they didn't really want Tsukiyama to recover. As long as Tsukiyama stayed in his bed then Kanae would have total control over him and he'd never be able to leave her, or love someone else.

That Kanae's feelings towards Tsukiyama aren't pure love and devotion, but rather a possessiveness that arises from her fear of being alone. Which is likely the same for Megumi, if he loses Tsumiki he has no one therefore he lives his entire life for protecting her.

Megumi is deeply motivated by his own abandonment issues and his fear of being alone, which is why to him his own life matters absolutely nothing in comparison to losing either Yuji or Tsumiki permanently. At the same time his protectiveness of Tsumiki can cross over into possessiveness considering his unhealthy viewpoint of her and his habit of putting her on a pedestal, making his feelings more one sided. Tsumiki being in that bed gives him a person save, a reason to live, someone to fight for.

On top of that Megumi pretty regularly disregards Tsumiki's feelings. The one thing we ever se of her in his flashback is how much she hates the fact that Megumi's constantly getting into fights.

Megumi not only completely ignores that, but he also starts using Tsumiki as an excuse to be violent. In the culling games he commitss unnecessary violence in her name.

When he enters the culling games he says (i'm paraphasing here because it's funny) "I don't know about Yuji but I'm TOTALLY WILLING to kill people." Then he goes on to show that it's true.

Megumi hears the announcement that Yuji has completed his side of the mission and that he can transfer points between players, meaning it's no longer necessary to kill people. Immediately after that he goes out of his way to finish off a man who's already on the ground and prone in the most brutal manner possible. He doesn't need to kill that guy, Megumi just does, and then he justifies it as saying it's a part of helping Tsumiki break free from the culling games.

His brutal takedown of that man is a pretty clear parallel to the way that Toji took out Gojo at the end of their first fight. If you're being paralleled to Toji then that's definitely a bad sign.

Megumi is someone who's had little control over his own life, and one way he exerts that control is through violence. The flip side of picking and choosing who to save, is picking and choosing who lives and who dies. Megumi's shown he's perfectly willing to make judgements on who's worthy of salvation and who's trash that needs to be thrown out.

He almost violently attacks this girl later on and the only thing that stops him is the idea that Tsumiki might disappear. Megumi lashes out in violence on a pretty regular basis, but it's understandable because the only thing he's been taught his whole life is that he needs to get stronger. That's what he's been raised for, his potential to become someone on Gojo's level because of the cursed technique. THat's what he's been told his whole life is the solution to every problem, get stronger, get stronger, get stronger.

THe Zen'in only cared about strength and so abused Toji all of his life until the only thing that mattered to him in life was proving that he was stronger than the sorcery world that rejected him. Which turned Toji into an incredibly violent person who kills others with little remorse.

Megumi similiarly had his whole childhood taken from him, because someone wanted to raise him as a weapon against the elders due to the cursed technique he was born with. Megumi's only value as a person is his strength, so he falls back on violence. In order to try to exert control over his life he lashes out in violence and desperately tries to get stronger.

Which is why the Megumi corruption arc conspiracy theories exist. Megumi hasn't broken away from this violent cycle at all. He's gotten stronger and more confident in using his abilities, but in every other way he's just growing more violent over time and more willing to kill others to get what he wants. He is a character that's selfless in his motivation and at the same time blind to his own selfishness. Because he is unaware of it he can't really do anything to fix or improve upon it which is why we see him steadily getting worse.

So if Megumi's violent behavior is a negative reaction to the trauma of his life then you can just imagine how he's going to react when he finally regains his body and has to live in a world where Tsumiki is dead. I doubt it's going to be pretty.

#jjk meta #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #tsumiki fushiguro #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen analysis #metasks

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melanieph321 · 9 months

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Ruben Dias - Lost in Sardinia Part 3/8

Summary - Ruben is on a getaway in Sardinia. There he meets a girl named Fiorella. She starts to wonder why Ruben won't tell her what exactly he is getting away from, or even what his real name is.

Enjoy!

Fiorella had always lived in Sardinia, surrounded by the breathtaking beauty of the island she called home. The crystal-clear waters, lush greenery, and majestic landscapes were a part of her everyday life. It had never occurred to her to go on hike and discover it all.

"You good to go?"

Fiorella told Ruben to meet here at dawn, at the base of the mountain trail. He arrived dressed for the occasion, wearing a loosely fitted t-shirt, a pair of shorts and proper running shoes. Fiorella on the other hand, woke up and did what she always did, dressed according to weather. She wore a hat for the sun and sandals to go with her ripped jeans and white tank top.

"You should know," Fiorella confessed, "I've never been on a hike before. The last time I was at the waterfalls my family and I went by car."

"Are you having second thoughts?" There was a fraction of concern in Ruben's voice.

Fiorella shook her head. "You wish."

He smiled warmly. "Good, let's not waste anymore daylight then."

With excitement and a hint of nervousness, Fiorella and Ruben began their trek into the untouched wilderness of Sardinia. The air was alive with the scent of wildflowers and the chorus of birdsong, as the two explorers carefully navigated the uneven terrain.

As they journeyed deeper, Fiorella marveled at Ruben's endurance and genuine appreciation for nature. His captivating stories of travels around the world fascinated her, desperately fueling her attraction to this curious stranger.

"What's the reason for your travels?" Fiorella asked, trying to mask the fact that she was out of breath from walking.

"Mostly to clear my mind."

Ruben walked with rapid steps, a pace Fiorella praised herself for keeping up with. On the other hand, Ruben didn't walk with hunched back like she did. His braud shoulders were brought back with his perfect posture and as a pool's of sweat damped the back of his shirt, Fiorella couldn't help but to let her imagination run free.

"Clear your mind of what?" She asked. "What is it full of?"

"I just have some decisions to make back home."

"Decisions about what?"

Ruben glanced over his shoulder, meeting her eye. "You know, there is usually not this much talking during a hike."

"Then I guess were not on hike then. I guess we just love walking to the throbbing sensation of our feet and the painful pounding of our hearts. May I ad that mine is working overtime right now."

Ruben chuckled.

Fiorella took pride in the fact that she made him crack a smile. It felt like they were experiencing the hike very differently. Ruben went on with a twisted expression on his face, like his life depended on reaching the top of the mountain. Fiorella took several pauses during the hike, mostly to snap photos of strange looking rocks and the poop of unknown animals. At times she wished that she had brought Pluto with them. He would have appreciated the journey, at least more than Ruben did.

"My job." He said, regaining Fiorella's attention. "I have decisions to make about my job."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an athlete."

"Like, professional?"

"Yes, it's my main income." Ruben picked up the pace.

"Is this the sport, hiking?" Fiorella was struggling to keep up, almost jogging beside Ruben, who didn't seem to care that she had short legs. She almost tripped herself when he altered his steps very abruptly.

"Is that it?" He asked, head raised to the sky. He was looking at the top of the mountain. It's where the waterfall would be.

Fiorella nodded. "It's about a 20 minute walk."

And leave her behind? Was he crazy?

Ruben turned to her, his expression unreadable. "Do you mind if run the last part?"

"Um...sure. I'll meet you there."

"Alright, see you at the top."

Fiorella watched Ruben pick up the pace and sprint away from her. Had she said something to upset him?

After what felt like hours of hiking, she finally reached their destination - the magnificent waterfall. Its cascading waters sparkled in the sunlight, creating a mesmerizing spectacle against the backdrop of majestic cliffs and vibrant foliage.

"You made it!"

A voice called her from a distance. It was Ruben, already splashing away in the fresh-water pool.

Memroies of her childhood came flooding back. Without hesitation, Fiorella stripped off her shoes, feeling the rush of excitement building within her. She waded into the icy-cold water, feeling its rejuvenating touch on her sore skin. Laughter echoed through the valley as she and Ruben playfully splashed and embraced the exhilarating experience, forgetting about their troubles beyond their realm.

Vading back to land, they lay down on a large rock, drying themselves in the blissful sun. When it was time to go back Fiorella simply dreaded the thought of hiking back down the mountain, leaving the peaceful waterfall behind her.

"Ugh " Fiorella groaned, sitting down, support herself on a rock.

"You okay?"

"My feet."

"Do they hurt?"

"Yes. I don't think I can make it down the mountain by myself."

Ruben crouched down in front of her, inspecting her blisters.

"I picked the wrong shoes didn't I?"

Ruben didn't answer, he was to busy caring for her wounds.

"I should probably call my dad...or my uncle. They know this trail, they can come and pick me up."

"Or you can get on my back."

"Huh?"

Ruben lifted his gaze, looking deep into her eyes. "You can get on my back. I'll carry you down the mountain."

#fanfiction #football imagine #man city #manchester city #ruben dias #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #football angst

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the-scandalorian · 3 years

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Tempered Glass: Chapter 3

Pairing: Din Djarin x Female Reader Rating: M (will become explicit) Word Count: 6.3k Warnings: slow burn, canon rewrite, canon-typical violence, cursing Summary: You and Mando choose Sorgan as your place to lay low, only to get wrangled into a risky job. Notes: In my head, Cara Dune is Katy O’Brian.. Yes, I’m ignoring the fact that she plays one of Moff Gideon’s officers lol Taglist: @bbdoyouloveme @beskarhearts @dincrypt @honey-hi @just-me-and-my-obsessions00 @red-leaders @zoemariefit

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Image from The Art of Star Wars: The Mandalorian

The three of you sat in the cockpit—Mando piloting the ship, you in the copilot seat behind him, and the kid perched on the console. He had slipped out of his own seat, waddled to the front of the cockpit, and managed to grasp the edge of the console with his tiny hands and scrabble his legs against the front of it to shimmy all the way up there. Honestly, it was an impressive feat for such a small being. Mando pretended not to notice, keeping his visor trained on the viewport.

You’d been sitting in silence for a while, watching the stars streak by. It was a fairly comfortable silence, considering you were complete strangers and still trying to feel out the limits of your tenuous alliance.

Looking at the back of Mando’s helmet, the surface of which reflected the bands of hyperspace that surged around the Crest, you thought again about how challenging it was to read him: there was so little to go on. No facial expressions, no significant looks, and very few gestures—even the cadence of his breathing was largely disguised by the helmet and modulator.

That was definitely part of his appeal: the mystery. He was an almost blank canvass where others were open books. Because your survival had hinged on your ability to read people, you had gotten so good at it that the task lost its fun rather quickly. Mando was an interesting new game.

In some ways, the armor forced the Mandalorian to be much more straightforward. Because it obscured his features, he had to ask for what he wanted outright—unless it was from a bounty. He could easily communicate threat with just his stance. Anything else, though, he had to verbalize. You were interested to see how this would play out in his interactions with you. You weren’t a job or his enemy, and you were really hoping that meant he’d eventually be slightly less withholding with you.

The baby, looking around, cooed quietly and reached over to flick a random switch on the panel to his right. Mando disregarded the action, pressing a few buttons in front of him. You stifled a chuckle.

The kid, clearly testing his boundaries, leaned over to flick another switch. It turned green when he activated it, and the sound of a machine whirring kicked in.

“Stop touching things,” snapped Mando, frustrated, turning to look at him. You couldn’t help the grin that spread across your face, grateful that Mando couldn’t see you.

The child lowered his ears and trilled sadly in response to the admonishment but recovered quickly: his ears pricked back up, and keeping his eyes trained on Mando in what seemed like a purposeful act of open rebellion, he leaned over slowly to flick yet another switch. This one turned red, and the ship rattled in response. You let out a sharp bark of laughter, slapping a hand over your mouth to smother the rest of your reaction.

This time, Mando pushed one large gloved hand past the baby to deactivate the switch and picked him up to set him on his lap. You smiled again, knowing this was likely what the kid was trying to achieve anyways. He wanted attention.

“Do you know his name?” you asked. You assumed he didn’t because he always called him “the kid”...but it also wouldn’t be a surprise if Mando did know his name and just chose to call him that instead.

“No,” he replied. “You ready to pick a planet?” Mando changed the subject abruptly as he reclined to look at you over his shoulder.

“Sure,” you agreed, standing to lean over the back of his chair so you could see the screen in front of him.

After some discussion and research, toggling through the nearby planets on the nav, you decided on Sorgan as your place to lay low. It was a rural planet, sparsely inhabited and undeveloped. Mando described it as “a real backwater skughole.” But there were some small settlements, so there would be food and fuel.

Your stomach gurgled loudly.

“I’m going to go eat,” you said, standing to leave the cockpit.

Mando, still holding the baby, stood to follow.

You moved toward the door just as Mando did the same, both attempting to walk through it together. He paused and stepped back, pressing himself against the wall as far as he could to let you by, gesturing you forward with his free hand.

Without thinking, you touched his arm lightly as you slipped past him in the tight doorway, and he flinched away, wrenching his arm back. You withdrew your hand quickly and looked up at him.

“Sorry,” he explained gruffly, visor tilted down at you. “Reflex.”

“I get it.”

He twitched his hand forward like he was considering reaching for you then decided against it, clenching it into a fist by his side.

You stood in the confined space for a moment, pinned by the mesmerizing void of his visor. Inches from your chest, he was so tall and imposing, somehow equally menacing and alluring as he towered over you. It was hard to ignore his intoxicating magnetism when you were this close to him.

He cocked his head the tiniest bit, and you realized, with a rush of embarrassment, that he was waiting for you to move.

Flustered, you turned and climbed down the ladder to find your pack. Mando followed and sat across the hull from you, after settling the kid into a makeshift crib—a storage box lined with blankets—on the floor beside his feet. He busied himself adjusting something on the complicated armor that covered his forearm, as you ate one of your ration packs.

You studied him as he worked. As far as you could tell—with the glaring exception of the presence of the child—Mando was the definition of a bounty hunter. He worked alone, and all he did was work.

He was clearly not used to casual, nonthreatening human contact, aside from that of the child.

You felt a deep, cutting sadness when you really pondered the solitude of his existence. The bulk of his interactions were violent confrontations. He had the child, but for how long? He seemed a recent acquisition. Did Mando have friends? When was the last time he felt at ease around another adult person?

When was the last time someone touched him, other than a bounty during a fight?

You’d been on the run for years and, at times, it had almost killed you—not the running itself, but the loneliness. No matter how much time you had to adjust, it remained a draining existence. You maintained only loose contacts and casual, fleeting relationships. How long had his life been exactly the same? Decades? Had he ever known anything different?

You looked down at the baby. The presence of the child spoke to the possibility that he at least wanted something different for himself.

The kid seemed to feel your gaze and turned his head to train his huge eyes on you. You smiled at him. He grabbed the edge of the box with his tiny three-fingered hands to haul himself over the side and toddled his way over to where you sat. He hugged your calf, looking up at you expectantly.

Mando was busy fiddling with the controls on his vambrace and didn’t notice.

“Can I?” You gestured down at the kid. Mando’s head flicked up.

“I guess,” he acquiesced hesitantly. He watched as you reached down to pick up the kid.

The baby settled happily into your lap, looking up to reach a hand toward your face. You met his hand with your own, and he was content to latch his little fingers around your much larger one and sit back. He babbled and wiggled the tiny green toes that poked out of the bottom of his outfit, which appeared to be made out of the altered sleeve of an old beige flight jacket.

Despite the fact that the child was more than happy cuddled in your arms, Mando was visibly uncomfortable. Abandoning his task completely, he sat forward with his elbows propped on his knees and watched you tensely.

He didn’t relax until you set the baby back down, turning him toward Mando, and he toddled his way back across the floor. Mando took the kid with him into his bunk when he disappeared to eat.

***

From the ship, Sorgan looked inviting: lush greens and blues, the landscape broken up by winding rivers. Clouds swirled across the atmosphere. Mando touched the Razor Crest down in a clearing of a pristine forest.

Mando wasn’t about to leave you behind with the kid—or with the ship, for that matter—so he informed you that the two of you would set out to the nearest village to find lodging, and he would leave the child behind. You understood that he didn’t have a lot of options, but leaving a toddler alone on a ship seemed like a terrible idea. You decided not to question it for the moment.

It was abundantly clear that Mando was accustomed to running the show and operating alone. He was used to making unilateral decisions...and that was going to have to change if the two of you were ever going to get to a place of easy coexistence. As someone who was also used to making unilateral decisions, you didn’t take well to being told what to do without even being consulted. You figured you’d give him some time to adjust to your presence before bringing this to his attention. You reminded yourself that this was a temporary arrangement.

Before leaving, Mando gave the baby a very serious, very stern talking-to about not touching anything and staying put. This was another instance that made it clear that he hadn’t been in charge of this kid (or any kid) for very long. You tried your best to conceal your amusement while Mando lectured the child. When he started to wag his finger dramatically to punctuate his points, you coughed to cover a laugh that escaped your lips.

As you both gathered what you needed in the hull, you asked, “How effective are your lectures usually?”

He let out a tired sigh, shoulders dropping slightly: “Not very.”

You laughed.

Sure enough, the baby shuffled up behind the two of you as the ramp of the ship lowered.

Mando looked down and sighed heavily.

“Oh, what the hell? Come on.” He strode forward decisively without a backwards glance.

You bent down to scoop up the child, not sure how Mando expected this tiny creature to keep up with his long strides, and followed Mando into the verdant forest.

***

The village was made up of a collection of circular wooden structures with pointed roofs. You ducked after Mando into the public house, the largest building in the small cluster. Good-natured conversation and the smell of something delicious permeated the air. You set the baby down on the floor to walk beside you.

A lothcat curled underneath a table hissed loudly at him as he waddled by, and he cowered in fear. You scowled at Mando, who didn’t react besides tilting his helmet down, and picked the child back up, patting him lightly.

“It’s okay, buddy,” you murmured reassuringly. Mando paused to watch you comfort the kid. You waited for him to pull the baby from your arms or say something to discourage you, but he didn’t. When you looked up at him, he continued forward to find an empty table.

Mando scanned the room carefully as he strode between the tables. You noticed an intimidating woman surveying him as he passed. You seated yourselves, and a woman in an apron approached with a friendly smile on her face.

“Welcome, travelers. Can I interest you in anything?”

“Bone broth for the little one,” requested Mando. Then he turned to look at you.

“One for me too, please.”

“Very well,” replied the woman.

Jerking his head towards the intimidating woman, Mando asked, “That one, over there—when did she arrive?”

The woman hesitated, and then said, “Uh, I’ve seen her here for the last week or so.”

“What’s her business here?”

You studied the woman in question, noting her piecemeal armor and tattoos. She looked like a war-hardened soldier.

“Oh, well there’s not much business in Sorgan, so I can’t say,” the server responded noncommittally. “She doesn’t strike me as a log runner.”

Mando reached into his belt and threw some credits toward her on the table. She brightened.

“Well, thank you, sir. I will get those broths to you as soon as possible, and I will throw in a flagon of spotchka for good measure. I will be right back with that.”

The server left, and the unobstructed view revealed that the woman he’d been asking about had disappeared.

Mando stood quickly.

“Stay with the kid?” he asked, looking down at you.

You hummed your assent, but he watched you for a long moment, as if assessing whether or not this was a safe idea. He was weighing the risk of leaving the kid with you against the risk of not neutralizing the possible threat of this stranger.

“I’m not going anywhere. We agreed to stick together for the time being, remember? Relax,” you assured him. It wasn’t much of a commitment, but what else could you say?

He nodded decisively and turned on his heel.

You and the kid watched him leave. The baby made a small whimpering sound as Mando disappeared through the curtain that hung over the exit.

You considered the baby as you waited for your food. He looked around, curiously taking in his surroundings.

What species is he? You’d never encountered anyone like him. Despite the fact that he was clearly a toddler, he looked a bit like an old man. And a tortoise? And maybe a frog? Whatever he looked like, he was really damn cute. Those big eyes and huge, expressive ears were undeniably adorable. You’d never felt a maternal instinct in your life, but in that moment, you wanted to pick him up and snuggle him again. You resisted the urge.

The server returned with two steaming bowls of broth and a flagon of electric blue liquor. The child immediately reached out for the broth, letting out a string of gibberish.

“It’s too hot. Let’s let it cool.”

He narrowed his eyes at you and let out a disapproving huff.

Despite his protests, you waited until the broth cooled a bit before setting it in front of him. He picked up the bowl and slurped happily.

You didn’t start to worry about Mando until you’d finished your own broth and the drink—you’d figured Mando wasn’t about to drink spotchka—and he still hadn’t come back. You scooped up the kid, who was still holding his little wooden bowl of soup, and slipped out the exit to look for Mando.

The loud sounds of a brawl made it easy to locate him.

He was locked in an intense hand-to-hand fight with the woman. They were both on the ground, Mando on top of her briefly until she used her strong legs to launch him over her body onto his back. He landed with a thud.

Ouch.

You set the baby down on the ground, but neither Mando nor the woman noticed. The two of them seemed fairly equally matched. To be safe, though, you eased your blaster out of its holster and held it loosely by your side.

Before you’d decided whether or not to intervene, the fight ended in a stalemate, both of them flat on their backs, having drawn their blasters simultaneously.

They panted on the ground, until Mando lolled his head to the side and saw you and the kid watching them, the baby slurping his broth loudly.

“You want some soup?” Mando deadpanned, looking up at the woman. You let out a sharp laugh at the unexpected question.

The tension dissolved, and they both brought their blasters back down to their sides.

You sheathed your blaster and offered Mando a hand, and—to your surprise—he took it without hesitation.

“Thanks for jumping in to help,” Mando grunted as he got to his feet slowly and dropped your hand to dust himself off.

“Hey, I was ready to step in,” you held out your blaster pointedly. “I probably wouldn’t have let her kill you.”

The woman chuckled as she straightened up then turned to walk back to the public house.

“Good to know,” retorted Mando, fixing you with an exasperated head tilt.

***

The four of you sat down together and talked for a while, sipping broth. Mando introduced himself to the woman, ignoring you and the kid. His manners seemed to come and go.

The woman shared that her name was Cara Dune.

“And who is this?” Cara inquired, eyebrows raised, looking from you and the baby to Mando.

Interested to hear how he’d explain your presence, you waited to see what Mando would say before answering.

“Long story,” replied Mando. Yep, that seems about right.

You introduced yourself, offering a fake name and sticking out a hand to shake Cara’s hand.

Mando’s head snapped to you: “You didn’t tell me your name.”

“You never asked,” you shrugged.

If Cara was confused that Mando didn’t know your name, she didn’t say anything about it. She shared that she had been a shock trooper in the Alliance, but she was trying to make a new life for herself, away from all that.

When she inquired, you shared a carefully curated set of details about yourself: born on Naboo, studied on Coruscant, now a freelance programmer with a diverse set of clientele and therefore stayed off the grid as a rule, with Mando at the moment to get from one place to the next and find more work—Sorgan was a temporary stopover.

You figured Mando didn’t love the idea of being described as a glorified taxi service, but it was better than disclosing the truth.

Mando leaned forward slightly and fixed you with his unwavering gaze while you spoke but questioned nothing. You knew he likely recognized the gaping holes in your story, considering he’d witnessed firsthand how well you could hold your own in a fight.

He shared little about himself, aside from the fact that he was in the Guild but not currently in pursuit of a bounty. Cara explained that she’d thought Mando was hunting her and that was why she reacted so defensively.

Understandable. That’s a much more reasonable reaction to his attention than flirting with him from afar liked I’d done in Nevarro. Whoops.

Finally, Cara stood: “Well, this has been a real treat, but unless you want to go another round, Mando, either you or I are gonna have to move on, and I was here first.” She turned to you and added: “You, on the other hand, are welcome to stay.” She winked at you and sauntered away.

You let out a surprised laugh, and Mando swiveled his head from Cara to you so fast, he probably tweaked his neck.

You couldn’t decide if it was hilarious or frustrating (probably both) that Cara had warmed to you over the course of a twenty-minute conversation while Mando remained aloof after more than twenty-four hours together.

Mando shook his head like he was willing away an unwelcome thought and leaned an elbow on the table: “Well, looks like this planet is taken.”

“Technically, that only applies to you.”

“You want to stay here?” There was a hint of unease in his otherwise even voice.

“No, Mando. You’re stuck with me for now, remember?”

“Right.”

You leaned forward and placed both your palms on the table: “But before we leave, I would like it on the record that I watched the kid for a full ten minutes without running away or harming a single hair on his wrinkly head.” You reached over to rub one of the child’s ears briefly, and he cooed up at you. “And I am electing not to ditch you and stay here with Cara even though she seems much more fun than you.”

A sound that might have been a laugh crackled through the modulator.

“So maybe you don’t have to breathe down my neck every second when we’re on the Crest?”

“You did almost let Cara kill me.”

You leaned back and laughed. “So, you admit it—you needed help.”

“No—I...That’s not the point.” You enjoyed how easy it was to agitate Mando.

“You’re right, it’s not. The point is that if I’m going to stick around for a while, you’re going to have to give me the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, this doesn’t make sense.”

He hummed noncommittally and rested a hand on the tabletop, gloved fingers tapping out an erratic rhythm.

“I could have abducted the kid and stolen the Crest while Cara took her time kicking your ass, but I didn’t.”

“It sounds like you considered it.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Mando.”

You fixed him with an impatient stare, and he met your look with his impassive visor.

You huffed, and letting the levity fall away, so he knew you meant it, you asked, “Maybe it would just be easier for me to find some other way out of here?”

His fingers stilled. “No.”

“Okay... so, you’ll lighten up?”

In a well-timed interruption, the kid quirked his head at Mando and let out a string of nonsense that had the upward cadence of a question.

“He’s wondering the same thing.”

The child stretched his arms out toward Mando and wiggled his fingers. “He just wants to be picked up.” Mando scooped him up and tucked him under his arm. “But, point taken. Let’s get out of here,” he said, lifting his hand to flag down the server.

Mando seemed surprised when you reached into your bag and pulled out a small pouch of credits to pay for the food. In reality, it was one of three that you had on you at the moment.

You were a professional at disappearing. You always had a blaster at your back, a knife on your belt, another knife strapped to your ankle, and plenty of credits on your person. Plus, the roughly hewn necklace tucked under your shirt looked unassuming but was worth a small fortune—though, you’d have to be in a really tough spot to ever consider selling it. You were used to leaving places at a moment’s notice. Being prepared for anything was your default state.

Mando should understand that better than anyone.

***

When you returned to the Crest, Mando mumbled something about routine maintenance and disappeared outside with a heavy metal toolbox in hand. The kid was asleep in Mando’s bunk, and you were sitting in the hull, reading about potential planets on your datapad, when you heard strange voices approaching.

Setting down your datapad, you stood and walked down the slope of the ramp at the back of the ship quietly. You peeked your head around the side, staying out of sight, and watched two men speaking to Mando’s back as he continued working at an open panel on the side of the Crest.

The men didn’t look threatening, and Mando was clearly unconcerned. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

“Our whole village chipped in,” explained one of the men, a touch of desperation in his voice. The other man, who had longer hair, held up a pouch of credits.

Mando turned to face them. “It’s not enough,” he answered simply.

“Are you sure? You don’t even know what the job is?” the man with short, curly hair continued.

“I know it’s not enough. Good luck.”

Rude.

The men were insistent, pleading. Mando’s harsh rebuff surprised you. He seemed to flip flop between being decidedly cold and cautiously warm with strangers, and right now he was the former. You weren’t fooled though. With a little more prodding, you were sure they’d convince him—well, you hoped they’d convince him to take the job and stay.

“This is everything we have. We’ll give you more after the next harvest,” promised the second man.

The side door of the Crest hissed loudly as it opened, and the two men jumped back in surprise. They looked at each other, resigned, when Mando walked up the ramp, ignoring them.

“Come on, let’s head back.”

No, don’t give up yet. He’s secretly soft. He adopts stray babies, protects complete strangers, and offers soup to people who have just thrown him on his ass!

They turned to leave, mumbling sadly to each other. You hurried back up the ramp to meet Mando in the hull. You stopped, settling your hands on your hips.

“What?”

“I mean... we were looking for a reason to stay, and they just gave us one. We were looking for a place to stay middle of nowhere... they just happen to live in the middle of nowhere...”

“Cara—,” he started.

“She seems like a reasonable enough person.”

He let out a long, dramatic sigh then turned to lean out the open side of the ship. “Where do you live?” Mando called after the retreating men.

One of them called, “On a farm. Weren’t you listening? We’re farmers.”

“You have lodging?” Mando clarified.

“Yeah, absolutely!”

“Come up and help,” he said to the men.

The two men paused when they saw you.

“Hi,” you greeted, turning to pull on your boots and grab your bag.

“Hello,” they both replied tentatively.

“She comes too,” Mando stated, jerking his head in your direction, as he began to pack up a chest of weaponry.

“Sure, that’s fine,” one of the men responded.

“And we have to make a stop.”

***

You waited with the two men—they introduced themselves as Caben and Stoke—at their speeder while Mando took the kid and tracked down Cara. They shared that they were krill farmers and needed help because Klatooinian raiders had been terrorizing their settlement.

Mando located Cara quickly, and they met you at the speeder, the back of which was full of weapons. You scooted over to make space for them as the speeder stuttered to life. It was cramped and when everyone was seated, your side was pressed into Mando, the kid settled on his lap.

Mando and Cara talked quietly while you laid your head back to watch the stars. You looked down when you felt something gently press on your thigh. The kid had climbed off of Mando’s lap and was looking up expectantly at you, as if asking permission to crawl into your lap.

You smiled at him and looked up at Mando, posing a silent question.

He nodded once, and you pulled the kid onto your lap. The baby cooed happily, wiggled around to get comfortable, and closed his eyes. You rested your head back again and let the movement of the speeder lull you into a light sleep.

Before you were totally out, you felt Mando adjust beside you, leaning back and stretching an arm over your head. Instinctively, you lifted your head so he could settle his arm down behind you, and you relaxed back so your cheek rested on his cold shoulder.

In a sleepy haze, you decided to capitalize on this opening and let your hand rest on the beskar plate covering his thigh.

***

You woke up when the speeder stuttered to a stop and opened your eyes, rubbing them in the brightness of the morning. You sat up and Mando did the same beside you, moving his arm from where it had been supporting your back. He hadn’t moved all night.

The scene before you was nothing if not idyllic: green and peaceful. Wind whispered through the tall grasses that lined the village, forming a natural buffer between the settlement and the forest. Circular wooden structures, the same pointed shape as the public house, were clustered at the middle of the clearing. Villagers, catching flopping blue krill in flat baskets, waded through square ponds that encircled the small community. Children giggled and called out, running toward the speeder.

“Well, looks like they’re happy to see us,” observed Mando.

“Looks like,” agreed Cara.

The children flocked toward you to see the baby in your arms, and you hopped down to greet them.

***

You spent the morning meeting people, learning the layout of the tiny village. The children took to the kid immediately, following you wherever you carried him. Apparently, Mando had accepted the fact that the child was safe with you because he didn’t object.

The gaggle of children showed you around excitedly, even demonstrating how to expertly sift krill from the ponds. They brought you to the long hall where food—stew and spotchka—was served. You sat on the ground outside, eating and enjoying the sun, with the children and the kid. They watched in enthusiastic disgust as the child caught and ate a live frog.

That afternoon, you and Mando followed the woman who introduced herself as Omera to your lodging. Though there did not seem to be an official leader of the small community, Omera clearly garnered respect. You watched as she gave easy instruction to those around her, and they complied reflexively.

She led you to one of the wooden buildings on the edges of the settlement. You noticed the way Mando stopped in the doorway to admire Omera as she raised a window covering and the afternoon light illuminated her beautiful face.

“Please, come in,” Omera invited warmly.

You set the baby on the ground, and he waddled a few steps before plopping down to lean against a crate, his eyelids heavy after a full morning of play.

“I hope this is comfortable for the three of you,” Omera continued. “Sorry that all we have is the barn. There is a spare crib for the child.” She gestured at a well-made looking crib. You wondered when the last time the child had slept in a proper bed was.

You picked him up from where he sat dozing on the floor and settled him into the crib.

You looked around the open space of the barn. It was clearly used for storage: it was lined with baskets, furniture, crates, fishing equipment, and more, but a large space in the center of the room was clear. You hadn’t considered until this moment that you might be sharing one room with Mando. Neither of you would be comfortable in these close quarters.

“Oh, we’re not—,” you started.

“This will do fine,” confirmed Mando, cutting you off mid-sentence. You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, surprised that he seemed okay with this sleeping arrangement.

“I stacked some blankets over here,” Omera pointed to a stack of quilts in the corner.

“Thank you. That’s very kind,” replied Mando as he turned to unstrap his rifle from his back.

A little girl crept up to the open doorway, looking down at her feet with her hands clasped behind her back. You recognized her from the gaggle of children. She was one of the quieter, shyer kids.

Mando, who was facing the back of the room, whipped around defensively at her movement. His hand hovered threateningly over his blaster.

The little girl gasped and jumped back, disappearing from view. Omera turned to follow her out the door.

You stepped toward Mando and put a steadying hand on his elbow in the space between his armor, drawing his arm away from his weapon. He looked down at where your hand gripped his arm.

“Are you okay?” you asked, under your breath.

He gave you a curt nod and exhaled loudly through the modulator.

You dropped your hand to your side when Omera returned, the little girl hugged tightly to her.

“This is my daughter, Winta,” she explained in her dulcet voice. “We don’t get a lot of visitors around here. She’s not used to strangers.”

Neither is Mando.

Mando stood awkwardly and said nothing.

“It’s nice to meet you, Winta,” you greeted gently. She smiled timidly against her mother’s stomach.

“These people are going to help protect us from the bad ones,” Omera said.

“Thank you,” replied Winta quietly.

“Come on, Winta. Let’s give our guests some room.” Omera took Winta’s hand and lead her away.

As soon as the two of you and the baby were alone, you turned to Mando. “How are we both going to sleep in here? You can’t sleep in your helmet.”

Mando stood frozen, staring at the doorway. He seemed not to have registered that you said anything.

“Mando?”

He turned to you. “I—uh, it’s fine. I didn’t want to inconvenience them any more.”

“But how is this going to work?”

“I can sleep in my helmet.”

“No way, that’s ridiculous. I’ll ask if I can stay with Cara.” You took a step toward the door.

He looked down at the floor. “I’d rather you stay here.”

“Ah...okay. I thought we were past the stage where you felt the need to babysit me,” you joked, hoping that wasn’t the reason for this.

“No. That’s not...” he started to explain but trailed off.

He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, and, despite the prickle of irritation you felt at the confirmation of his mistrust, you felt compelled to fill the uneasy silence that followed.

Avoiding his gaze, you looked over to where the kid was snoozing in the crib. “It’s fine. I’m going to go out for a bit if you want to take it off now. I’ll let you know before I come back in.”

“Thank you.”

You dropped your bag onto a crate and slipped out of the room and into the soft sunlight that shone through the sparse clouds.

Unwittingly, Mando seemed to know how to give you just enough reassurance to keep you around and just enough doubt to keep you guessing about why you were here with him. He was holding you at arm’s length, but not letting you go.

The potential between you was as enticing as it was confusing.

The more time you spent with Mando, the more of a paradox he seemed to be. He was constantly torn between a need to be hard and his instinct to be soft. You had an inkling that at heart, he was soft through and through. How else could you explain the presence of the baby?

His literal and metaphorical armor were clearly worn out of necessity—for several reasons, you guessed: to be successful in a brutal profession, probably as a result of past trauma, and simply because life is just fucking hard. You barely knew him, but you couldn’t help but want to be someone with whom he felt comfortable letting his guard down.

You pushed these thoughts from your mind as you stepped into the dappled light that filtered through the canopy of the forest. You were happy to explore the woods on your own, enjoying the serene atmosphere and natural beauty. It had been a while since you’d been on such a lovely planet. It reminded you of home.

***

When you returned a few hours later, all the villagers were gathering around the barn where Mando and Cara stood on the porch. You walked up to join the crowd and Mando’s visor followed your movement. You smiled at him, and he looked away abruptly, turning to Cara. They exchanged a few words then Mando stepped forward to address everyone.

“Bad news. You can’t live here anymore,” Mando announced. He declared this in an infuriatingly neutral, straightforward way, the same way you’d tell someone there was going to be rain.

They must have seen the same tracks in the forest that I saw.

The villagers broke out in surprised chatter: “What?” “Why?”

Cara and Mando muttered to each other. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you hoped Cara was explaining how callous he’d sounded.

Cara started forward, “I know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but there are no other options.”

Despite her slightly better manner, the villagers broke out in angry protests again.

“You took the job!” Caben cried.

“That was before we knew about the AT-ST!” exclaimed Cara.

Your stomach dropped. You had hoped you were somehow wrong about what those tracks belonged to. It would take serious preparation to successfully take on a band of raiders and an Imperial walker.

“What is that?” asked Caben.

“The armored walker with two enormous guns that you knew about and didn’t mention,” said Cara indignantly.

That is a pretty important piece of information they had chosen to leave out.

More protests erupted. The villagers shouted pleas over one another. Mando was surveying the desperate villagers, saying nothing. You had a feeling that despite his initial refusal and these adverse circumstances, he would elect to help them anyways. Eventually one of the many heartfelt appeals was likely to sway him—listening to their pleading voices, you knew you would find it hard to refuse them.

Omera’s plaintive voice broke over the crowd, and you suspected she’d be the one to convince him.

“We have nowhere to go,” she entreated.

Mando met your gaze, where you stood silently at the back of the crowd. He cocked his head, and you knew what he was asking. You gave him an understanding smile, nodding your agreement. He bowed his head slightly in response.

You turned and walked away, not needing to hear the rest of the conversation to know that Mando had already decided to stay.

***

Chapter 4

#Tempered Glass #my writing #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin reader insert #the mandalorian reader insert #din djarin x female reader #the mandalorian x female reader #din djarin x f!reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian x f!reader #din djarin fanfiction

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

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After spending over 30 years in the world of makeup design for film and television, Douglas Noe landed in the time-defying, creative playground of Marvel Studios' Loki. Serving as the Disney+ show's makeup department head, Noe not only designed the characters' individual looks, but continued to be Tom Hiddleston's makeup artist. Noe has worked on Hiddleston's Loki since 2012's The Avengers, carefully evolving the God of Mischief's look over time.

Loki isn't the first time Noe has spearheaded a makeup department for a Marvel Cinematic Universe production. Previously, Noe served as the makeup department head for Thor: The Dark World's additional photography -- making up approximately 20% of the film's final looks. He's also no stranger to the magic of prosthetic work and the intricate details needed for Marvel's epic adventures, having a creative hand in bringing both Captain Marvel's Skrulls and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Kree to life on-screen. In the industry, Noe is also known for specializing in palettes for actors of color and has worked on stars like Jackie Chan.

In an exclusive interview with CBR, Noe discussed what it was like bringing The Avengers-era God of Mischief into Loki and his approach to doing makeup on a production stuffed with special effects. He also shared which MCU stars have graced his chair and his advice for makeup departments looking for practical ways to de-center whiteness.

Loki's Makeup Evolution

CBR: One thing that I noticed -- which I'm excited to pick your brain about -- when we first see Loki, he has a really pale complexion. His hair is greasy. As he evolves, his skin gets a warmer look. Was that an intentional progression from when we first see him as a villain-ish and how he grows within the MCU?

Douglas Noe: Yes, that's a very astute observation. Of course, at the beginning of The Avengers, he's kind of a wreck, isn't he? And as he settles and normalizes, his pallor then indeed calms down. It was very nuanced. It was only a matter of maybe one or two shades difference, but you definitely caught something most people have not.

That was 10 years ago, but it was a very minor detail we decided would be important as the narrative and the dialogue and the intellect of that character evolved into the storyline. It became important to kind of mainstream and refine his appearance.

Since Loki kicks off from that earlier version of Loki, did you think about bringing any more of that paleness to his look? How did you decide on how you wanted to show him from Loki's time period/first episode?

Oh, that's a good question. The truth is, from the end of The Avengers also shot again in Avengers: Endgame, we change nothing.

We did exactly what we did on Endgame that we did for The Avengers. And in turn, that's how we started the Loki series. It was that that look from Endgame, which, of course, is the look from The Avengers. No alterations were made, other than -- and I can already tell we're not getting anything past you -- we did warm him up. We did bring some more flesh into him... The truth is, that was Tom's idea. I get it because it was an unspoken understanding between us that there's greater accessibility to Loki if he looks more like most people. Now, those are my words. Not his. But, he definitely wanted us to warm it up just a skosh.

How Loki's SFX Affected Its Makeup Design

With Loki, there's a ton of visual effects. With makeup, it's so dependent on lighting -- it can change everything. What was the biggest challenge about working on a show like this that has so many special effects being added in post?

What you just said, it's working on a show like this. Marvel gets it and they do it right. There's almost an aspect where we lean into these kinds of things. And we change nothing to take into account the constantly evolving and changing lighting effects. The approach was to keep everybody natural, or naturally beautiful. Whatever happened happened. [We] knew Marvel is going to give it the once over once it's all done. And if there was anything to address that did happen because of lighting, it would have happened in post.

But, to my knowledge, nothing was addressed. We just accepted that. At certain times, people would be pink because of the light. They would be blue because of the light or purple and we accepted that and didn't try to make any attempts to balance it or right it in any way. We leaned into it and accepted it made it part of the story. It was its own character, if you will.

Sylvie's Makeup Was Always Meant To Be "Natural"

Building off what you said about a natural look for Loki's actors, did you always know you wanted Sylvie's makeup to have a natural look?

Absolutely, absolutely. The approach there was less is more. We didn't want to bury her in beauty makeup. It would have been very easy to do, because Sophia Di Martino is gorgeous, of course. But, the idea was let's do just enough to keep her naturally beautiful.

Practical Ways To De-Center Whiteness In Makeup Rooms

You designed Hunter B-15's look, and you're well known in the industry for specializing in makeup palettes for people of color. Since you've been in the industry for so long, what are some practical things that people within the makeup department, or its heads, can do to make it less white-centered?

That's a great question. Get out of the way. You have room for everybody, especially with today's explosion of content. But I would say to those who are going to hold tightly that they may as well just squeeze it out of their hands, "Just understand color theory." And, have it in your head that if somebody wants someone to do their makeup that closer represents how they look, get out of the way. It really is that simple. As you said, I've made it a specialty, a rite of passage to learn the ins and outs of all color tones. For me, I bring that to the table, so I don't have to get out of the way; but I know enough to know when it is time.

I have an anecdote that relates. I just did the Netflix series [True Story] with Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes for eight episodes. And Tawny Newsome [who portrays Billie in the upcoming series] was our leading lady, a beautiful African American woman. I could have done a bang-up job, but that wasn't the right decision to make. She needed a female makeup artist because it was a modern beauty glam look we were going to do on her. Now I do get modern beauty glam very well, but I wanted somebody that would do it great. So I got out of the way.

What's one, nitty-gritty thing that helped in expanding your understanding of color theory? Any books or makeup brands?

Oh, well, I could talk about makeup brands all day long. But, again, go back to the color theory. Get a color wheel from an art store. If you don't know how to mix colors, how to make primary and secondary colors to get tertiary colors, get a color wheel and be a sponge. I'm, what, 36 years in this career? 31 in film. I've never stopped learning. I'm never closed off to garnering new info. And when I don't, again, I get out of my way. I'm not up to snuff on this contemporary modern book with the square eyebrows, so I hired somebody that was.

But, getting back to your point, there are so many books. I have countless books on this very topic. I would say, "Be patient, learn color theory. And accept that, especially now, we're in an era where you may just have to get out of the way. And let it be what the person in the chair wants it to be." Because, ultimately, that's who we're there for, the actors.

You've been working in Marvel's world for a long time. What's one Marvel character that you would love to do their makeup or prosthetics?

I've never thought about it because, to be honest with you, I feel like I won the lottery. When we started with doing Loki on The Avengers, we didn't know what was gonna happen. I'm trying to think, hmm. On Captain Marvel, I was doing Skrulls -- that was fun. I did some work on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. when they had a couple of episodes with Kree.

They were so cool.

Right? I'm trying to think -- I did mention to somebody before that on The Avengers I was given the choice: [Jeremy] Renner or [Mark] Ruffalo or this new guy called Tom Hiddleston. The makeup was described to me and I was told that Hulk was going to beat him up a little bit and we were going to do a little something-something and they asked, "What do you want to do?" And I said, "I want to do a little something-something." So, I landed with Tom.

I'd have to really think, "Who would I like?" I've done Lizzie Olsen's makeup for the Tom Hiddleston film I Saw the Light. I've done Idris Elba's makeup a couple of times for a couple of Marvel films, but also for a movie called Takers. And I worked with him on a movie called The Reaping. He's a gem, of course... I'm really happy with who sits in my chair at the beginning of every day on these things. I've never thought past that. I garner so much pleasure and we have so much joy together. I'm happy where I'm at... I'm happy with Loki. I love Loki.

Well, Loki is coming back for Season 2, so you never know who will pop in the chair.

I've heard we're coming back, but that's all I've heard. That's all I know. And that's truly wonderful for me because ignorance is bliss. Whatever they dream up, I'm always eager to jump in and be a part of it.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer's "Hush" Monsters Were Hand-Painted

Digging way back into your history, you were once a makeup designer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is one of my favorite shows! What's one thing about that era of monster-makeup that you don't think gets enough credit for doing?

I always refer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Buffy the Weekend Slayer because we would get off on Saturday morning as the sun was coming up and have to be back to work a couple of hours before the sun came up on Monday... What you see is what you get. You had to be on your game. We were real craftspeople back then and there was no margin for error. The words that go with CGI simply didn't exist in 1999. You really had to be on point with makeup.

I would say what's lost now is the notion that makeup always has to be perfect. We know now it doesn't have to be perfect because we can fix it in post. I think a lot of people would say that helps us, but I think it handicaps those of us that are able to deliver the product without a computer's touch.

I remember I did one of the gentlemen on Buffy's episode, "Hush." My boss, Todd McIntosh, was saying, "You got to do the back of the neck... You never know what's gonna happen. You have to make sure that the back of the neck has makeup on." And, sure enough, the camera goes by and they were supposed to leave the frame, but the camera follows them. We just had to be on point and I think now many artists who came into the business with CGI, don't understand what it's like to be grinding your teeth and clenching your fists on set, hoping it looks okay because there's nothing left to fix it for you.

#Douglas Noe #makeup #Loki #Tom Hiddleston

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years

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Replying to @kine-iende [hope this works and you see it, still trying to get the hang of how tags work] who said:

Thank you, author-person, for this incredible detailed answer. (Also i don't mind being tagged - or not) With Tony being so aware of the dynamic between those rivals, Justin ending as a villian is less going a betrayal from almost-family and more of a 'natural phenomen' he should have seen coming. Because as always:rivals ^^

To be completely honest, if this AU were a tv show the ‘Justin Hammer accidentally founded Cabal’ reveal would’ve been the huge plot twist revealed at the end of either Season 2 or 3, and it’d be a major shocker for the Avengers...but not Tony.

also just realized I somehow made an AU where the protagonist basically becomes a villain out of Spite™ and I’m not sure if that’s the weakest origin story ever, or what

After all, if this were a tv show, it’d be centered around the Avengers, and the main season one conflict would be in seeing how Tony fits in the team— which would get resolved eventually, but not before the audience gets a good look at their dynamics. Like, the chemistry between Iron Man and Captain America, how easily and seamlessly they work together without needing more than a word or two because they’re on the same page, or Tony’s cordial yet distant academic respect for Bruce [which gets contrasted with Iron Man’s uncharacteristic instant bromance with the Hulk], or... well, the list goes on.

Not to mention that having a common enemy alters their dynamic as time goes on, because while if this’d been a one-off things would’ve still been rocky between Tony and the team, whereas having to constantly coordinate because new intel indicates that their last enemy was actually connected to something bigger and that means even more teamwork...

So by this point they’ve got a good idea of their characters, how they roll, how they react under pressure and during downtime and throughout all this, Justin Hammer would make cameos because he’s SHIELD’s main weapons supplier [...among other groups, which in and of itself foreshadows some of his shadier connections later on] and between him and Tony, they’ve basically cornered the market on experts in that field— which comes in handy when we’re talking about alien tech.

Justin wouldn’t get much screentime compared to the others, but enough for the Avengers [and the audience] to see he makes for a very good foil for Tony, with their differences being highlighted all the more due to the similarities. After all, both come across as good people: Tony’s very friendly to anyone who isn’t on his shit list, and Justin acts very polite and gentlemanly to strangers [and is 100% a mom friend to anyone he cares about]. Tony’s a hero, though, while Justin’s long since made it clear he was a businessman first and foremost.

Through all this, Justin and Tony’s dynamic is intentionally kept vague— one moment they’re perfectly friendly, the next they'll be at each others’ throats and, again, sometimes can get misinterpreted as something else.

Then the Reveal happens, and suddenly all those past encounters and hints come up and it’s so obvious in retrospect but—

Who would’ve expected it?

Tony.

Tony’s the only one who’s not surprised by what the latest intel’s hinting at, obtained from an intel broker who turned up dead not long after [...because said broker’d also been messing with HYDRA, but that’s the plot twist that comes up in the next season]: nothing specific, nothing concrete, but something that ties a good chunk of the previous Villains Of The Week together to reveal a far, far greater threat.

The Cabal, and while some of its members have long since become familiar names— e.g. the Fantastic Four normally are the ones who have to deal with Victor Von Doom, but not always— its founder had been a mystery for the longest time. A mystery that has just been ended, except nobody could have expected to see the name on the file.

Everyone else’s caught flat-footed and going through several permutations of ‘oh shit’, meanwhile Tony just leans back, scrubs a hand down his face, and looks out the window with a low whistle.

“Well played, Justin. Well played.”

Which is when the audience learns more about their very strange dynamic, which gets revealed to have started out a rivalry during their childhood [and has now basically escalated to the most high-stakes game of chicken there ever was, but shh].

Here’s the thing: if Tony were to call their rivalry off, Justin would stop.

But...

Tony can count on one hand how many positive constants he’s had in his life: Jarvis’ [and, after his heart attack, JARVIS’] presence, and his rivalry. Those are the two things that’ve been there for him through thick and thin, the only two safe places where he knows where they stand, knows they won’t try and tear him down and that means something.

JARVIS will never leave him [not this Jarvis, at least], but... this rivalry’s been a thing since before he met Rhodey, since before his parents died and Tony’s not entirely certain just how much it’s shaped him, but he can count on one hand how many people give a damn about him and want to see him succeed and—

Tony’s not sure he has it in him to call it off. Not at this point.

Not when part of him knows why he did it, because— well, every superhero needs an adversary, don’t they? For a moment, he’d been surprised Justin had the guts to do this, but it makes complete sense the more he thinks about it and Tony knows just how little respect Justin has for the others, of course he’d be the type of guy who’d go “ugh, fine, if you want something done right, gotta do it yourself”.

also, before this all seems very one-sided, I think I forgot to mention that Justin’s really benefiting from this rivalry too— not as obvious early on, but it gives him something to focus on and work towards.

Something that kept him from depression when he thought too much about his past life and discovered just how much he’d forgotten, was still forgetting, something to keep him from being bored when he looked up one day and realized— he didn’t actually have any goals in this life, did he?

Not when his life thus far had been dictated by his parents, and he’d been okay with following along to their script for him because if it wasn’t him, it’d be his sister or an innocent child who’d be forced to live up to their impossibly high expectations as the heir to Hammer Industries... but it was something he was resigned to at this point, not something he was particularly happy about.

This time, he... didn’t know what he wanted in life. Nor did he remember what he’d wanted last time— had they wanted to be a doctor? Teacher? Writer? They didn’t remember anymore— and it’s startling to realize that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled if he wasn’t talking to his little sister.

Justin’s never been one to seek out the approval of the adults in his life— the fact that he was surrounded by Parents of the Year [note the sarcasm] probably had something to do with that— and remembering a past life means he sees everyone his physical age and lower as kids, so he doesn’t see many people as equals.

...and then Tony decided he’d like having a rival.

At first, yeah, it was confusing; even as an adult, Justin didn’t entirely get why, but it was. Something.

Something good, and gets even better because this is something they both decided, that had nothing to do with the meticulously-annotated plan his parents had for his life, and while at first it was weird, Justin found he was actually enjoying himself [for once].

To the point where he found himself actually getting honestly, genuinely invested in said rivalry, and if he sometimes found himself trying to drill self-care into Tony sometimes, well, those bags under his eyes made them look bad, okay? It was self-interest, nothing more, really!

Really.

So when Tony went and became a superhero, Justin found himself taking a step back for a moment as he paused to consider his actions.

Paused before taking the plunge, because this was it, was serious, was pushing the limit and going past the point of no return. Was he really willing to do this?

A moment to consider things, deliberate on the possible consequences and what could happen— then he gave a sharp, decisive nod.

“Yes, we’re doing this.”

#No Hero [Downward Descending]#replies #Naught replies #character study of sorts #My writing

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me1ancho1y-b1iss · 3 years

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Her Robin and His Little Ladybug Ch. 6

As soon as Jason’s exclamation was let out. Tikki zipped out of Marinette’s bag and flew up to Damian. “Hello Tikki” Damian nodded

“Hello little Cat!” Tikki said “what’s your name this time around?”

“Damian.”

“Ok, ok, ok. We get it. Big ‘ol happy family reunion. Big whoop. Can someone tell us what just happened!” Jason yelled exasperated

“Jason!” Dick exclaimed hitting Jason on the back of the head

Tikki floated up in front of the Batfamily saying, “Hi! I’m Tikki, kwamii of Creation.” Tikki turned back around to face Marinette and Damian. “I’m going to go get Plagg, he should be able to help explain what's happening.” Tikki soon left with Kalkii through a portal

“Ok. what the fuck. Demon spawn you got some explaining to do.” Jason said

“Tt. Just wait until Plagg and Tikki get back.” Damian said leveling his family with a glare that silenced all of them.

After a few minutes a baby blue portal opened and Tikki, Plagg and Kalkii all popped out.

When Damian saw Plagg he got tears in his eyes for the second time that day.

“Plagg!” He yelled

“KIT!” Plagg yelled back and rushed to Damians cheek to hug him. Damian responded positively and hugged the little Kwamii back.

After the happy reunion all the people present in the back batcave were ushered to the table. Everyone was seated with the three Kwamiis hovering above it.

Bruce, still dressed as Batman spoke first addressing the Kwamii and the two youngest, “Let’s start at the beginning.”

“Well father, this is Tikki and Plagg, the God and Goddess of creation and destruction, essentially” Damian stated

Bruce hummed, he’d seen wieder things but his youngest hugging a stranger was definitely among weirdest and he needed to know the reason behind it.

“In the very beginning just me and Plagg were created, out of what we don't know,” Tikki started. “We created the heavens and eventually other kwamis were created, at the time the kwamis didn’t have a physical shape. All the kwamis represent a concept, for example me and Plagg represent Creation, order and good luck and destruction, chaos and bad luck, respectively. There are other Kwamis that represent other concepts such as protection and transformation, to name a few. Over time my creation powers overflowed and created a multitude of universes, to counteract this Plagg’s power created what you humans have named as black holes, they are just essentially just small pockets of Plagg’s power. Plagg also destroyed planets and stars and whole galaxies. All of this was done for balance, everything requires balance, without creation you have destruction and without destruction, creation runs rampant.”

“When Earth was created, along with the humans, all the Kwamis were interested. It wasn't till a human mage reached us that we were able to interact with humans. The original 19 kwami decided to go down to earth and interact with more humans thus the miraculous were born.” Tikki continued. “Plagg and I created two souls that are 100% in tune with us. While any person could wield the ladybug and cat miraculous, Damian’s and Marinette’s souls will be more in tune. Some people who have wielded my miraculous and was still a good fit are a few people you might recognize such as Fa Mulan, Hippolyta and Joan of Arc.”

“Each soul is reborn when the universe is in a great time of need and they are never reborn without each other.” Tikki said

The room was quiet for a moment then absolute chaos.

When the brothers finally realized that their questions, ahem demands, weren’t being answered they started to quiet down, though they were still somewhat tense. Hey, it wasn’t everyday that one discovered that their hellspawn of a little brother had a magical girlfriend that he apparently had throughout time. Yeah, maybe that was still processing a little.

“Quiet, you imbeciles. If you want your questions answered I suggest that you be silent.” Damian said a little exasperated. “I apologise for my idotic brothers, priya. They are still learning their manners and have yet to know how to behave in front of a guest.” Damian continued, glaring at the annoyances of his life that he sometimes considers his brothers to drive his point home. They just shrugged in response.

Marinette beckoned Tikki over while Damian was staring down his siblings into silence. “Hey Tikki,” she whispered. “Is there any way to get rid of the Lazarus Pits effects? I noticed hood had some remnants on him? And I want to help, Damian has definitely been dipped into the pit, but we both know that the pits don’t affect him much.” Marinette finished. She really hoped that they could red hood could be helped in some way.

“Oh Marinette,” Tikki sighed sadly. Her bug was always trying to help people. “I think I might be able to cut back on some of the effects, but we both know that he will never be truly healed.” Marinette only nodded sadly.

At that point Damian looked back over at Marinette and decided to broach the topic of what was bothering her, none of the conversation topics had been too heavy, so Damian had no clue on what could've been bothering her. “What is it?” he asked

“I think I might be able to help your brother out.” Marinette responded

Damian raised an eyebrow at this, his brothers needed a lot of help. “With what exactly?” Damian questioned.

Marinette took a deep breath before looking up straight at Red Hood saying,

“The Lazarus Pits”

At her words Damians eyes went comically wide as he was hit with a load of repressed memories. Jason promptly started choking while the rest of the family was looking at Marinette with a new found wariness.

“W-what?” Jason choked out.

Marinette sighed looking at Damian for a confirmation. Once he nodded she continued. “The reason Hawkmoth is even active is because when you combine the miraculous of the ladybug and the miraculous of the black cat the wielder is able to make a wish. The wish is able to bend reality, it’s life altering. Hawkmoth wants the miraculi to fulfill his wish, however no matter the wish, it would cause severe unbalance. As Tikki stated earlier everything requires balance, for example if he wished to bring someone back to life, someone else would have to die in their place.”

All the bats took this in becoming very aware of what could possibly happen if Hawkmoth were to win.

Damian sighed heavily before continuing where Marinette left off. “During one of our former lives, we were in an intense battle. At the end I noticed E- well now Marinette lying unconscious. I ran to her hoping she would heal herself, but I was there too late.” Damian let out a shuddering breath. “She was gone and I was desperate to get her back. I knew I would eventually see her again, but the fact that she was gone was still fresh in my mind. So I combined the ladybug miraculous and the black cat miraculous. I knew the consequences, but at the moment I just needed her back in my arms. Alive. So I made a wish. The wish formed what are now known as The Lazarus Pits. However, as life requires balance, the pit would cause madness for anyone who descends into its waters while still giving a person new life. There were no such consequences on Marinette due to the fact that she wielded the ladybug miraculous, but I know it was still the wrong decision to make.” As Damian finished speaking, Marinette gently squeezed his hand offering her silent support, while Damian’s father and brothers stared at him; they’ve never seen him express so much emotion before.

“I was asking Tikki if there was a way to somewhat reverse the effects of the pits.” Marinette spoke staring directly at Red Hood for a second time that day. “It won't reverse everything but it will hopefully take the edge off so to speak, if it does work.”

“So what do you say, Red Hood?” Marinette smirked

A/N: I finally posted chapter 6. we also finally get more background. Hopefully my explanations make sense, every fic I’ve read where they explain the miraculous origin is different so I hope mine is understandable. There will definitely be more past life stories in later chapters but the lazarus story leads us into the next chapter and I couldn’t get the idea that damian saved marinette by combining the miraculous out of my head so... you have this

Taglist: @bumblebeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee @toodaloo-kangaroo @aespades @mochegato @daminette5074 @yannowhatigiveup @sekhmet5 @alyssadeliv @kking13 @callmewhatyouwant00 @henie04 @buginetye (if you to want be added, ask and I’ll add you)

#maribat #maridami #daminette #damian x marinette #mlb x dc #mlb crossover #dc crossover #soulmate au #but not really

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asphyxiateher · 3 years

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Only Monsters Come Out at Night *Chapter Update*

Chapter 7: The Devil Within Summary: Desdemona has been neglecting her health ever since she murdered her best friend but when the three women she's been bonded to come for a visit, she finds out all sorts of vital information that strengthens the bond she shares with them. Bela has a plan that may or may not piss off her mother but she swears it's for the good of their family. A/N: Thank you all so much for your patience and overwhelming support! I originally intended to end this book with this chapter but with all the comments I've been receiving, I've enjoyed fleshing out my characters even more and adding more to the story than I intended and I love how its turning out so much! I should have more time to work on this story next week since I requested some much needed time off from work. Anyway, please enjoy and thank you all again!

Desdemona doesn’t know how long it’s been since the incident with Veronica occurred. Ever since it happened, she had been plagued with guilt that eats away at the core of her soul and it seemed impossible to want to do or think about anything else. All she wanted to do these days was linger in the shadows and let the darkness consume her. Her mind is slipping away into nothing, her body slowly deteriorating because she refused to eat, and all she had left was the promise of death as she barely held onto life by a breath. Veronica’s lifeless eyes still haunted Desdemona every time she tried to close her eyes and it made her feel sick to her stomach all over again when she replayed the events of that fateful night. She tossed and turned as the images of Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela feasting upon her best friend’s corpse played in her mind, praising her for the kill as they did so, and the guilt churned within her even more. She wanted to be punished for killing her best friend, she deserved to die and so she lay in the room Alcina transferred her to and decided to rot alone where nobody could see her. Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters assumed that a change of environment would alter Desdemona’s self-destructive behavior, so they moved her to the room next to Bela’s since it was spacious enough to enjoy her other hobbies. Alcina and her daughters soon realized that their human plaything still refused to take care of herself properly and Alcina warned her daughters that if they did not do anything about it soon, Mother Miranda would have another vessel for her ungodly experimentations. This would explain the frequent visitation from all three girls, but today’s visit somehow felt different to Desdemona when she felt their presence outside of her door.

Desdemona sighs when she hears the familiar knocking on the door, a surprise to her at first since Alcina’s daughters didn’t embody politeness. The door swings open and Bela is the first face she sees as always, her sisters following her the moment she steps in and drops off a tray of food. Daniela used to tease her about the untouched trays of food they would walk into but now it was a little worrying. The last thing any of them wanted to do was to put down their favorite human plaything. Cassandra’s eyes linger on the untouched trays of food building up in the corner and rolls her eyes but refused to make a comment in case she offended her pet.

“Tsk, tsk, Desdemona, what shall we ever do with you? We are attempting to accommodate your needs yet you spit in our faces when we demonstrate kindness. That’s quite unfair.” Bela says with a frown as she gives Desdemona a once over, her brows furrowing when she realized the human’s condition was starting to worsen a little.

Desdemona exhales and closes her eyes for a moment before she slowly turns to face all three women. She wants to be furious. She wants to scream at them, throw something in their faces and make them feel small and insignificant but nothing can drown out the sorrow that has swallowed her whole. She opens her mouth to speak but the extreme thirst she feels burning in the back of her throat causes her voice to crack and it seemed nearly impossible to form words because of it.

Cassandra notices how dry her lips are, so she picks up the goblet of water from the tray and walks over to Desdemona’s prone form on the floor. She had been annoyed with the mild inconveniences her pet’s behavior had created but now she was legitimately concerned for her well-being, a concept that had seemed foreign to her. Cassandra loved and cared for her sisters but to care for mortals and the other people Alcina preferred the company of outside of family was beyond her. Still, she felt the need to show Desdemona tough love because she cared.

She kneels on the floor beside the smaller girl and roughly yanks her by the collar so she could force the human to sit upright. Desdemona doesn’t fight it, but she isn’t happy about being touched when she just wants to lay in this room to die. She wonders why they don’t just move on to the next best thing when she is just a passing interest anyway. Her mind is quieted when Cassandra tilts her head and gently compels Desdemona to sip the water continuously. “This is an improvement, Desdemona. As much as I would personally enjoy forcing this water down your gullet, you are in a fragile state and I would hate to break you, pretty thing. Why do you humans neglect self-care so much? I will never understand how you mortals function like this.” Cassandra tells the smaller girl, an arm now wrapping around her waist possessively as she pulls her tighter against her chest. Bela looks mildly annoyed by the action but doesn’t say anything.

“You will never understand, I’m sorry to say. If you’ve never experienced grief so great that it feels like a tidal wave of pure misery coming down on you, and you suddenly feel yourself being pulled to the bottomless depths of despair that it becomes difficult for you to try and come up for air, so rather than fight the inevitable you let yourself sink because it’s easier to accept your fate, then you will never fully comprehend what I’m going through.” Desdemona replies quietly, taking a few moments in between sips to speak.

Daniela eyes her curiously after she says this and then her eyes flick over to her eldest sister, who seems to have pulled out Desdemona’s phone before she decides to kneel beside Desdemona as well. The rambunctious sibling didn’t want to feel left out so she decides to sit herself on the floor next to her pet, her head resting on Desdemona’s shoulder as one of her hands gripped the younger girl’s thigh. Desdemona was too weak to fight her off but the dark whispers in her mind were soothing her, reminding her that Daniela’s touch was supposed to be comforting. It didn’t matter how depressed she was over the fact that she killed her best friend in order to save Daniela’s life; the bond she shared with all of them made her feel at ease at the same time and this stirred conflicting emotions within her.

“Help us understand you, Desdemona. Why can’t you seem to move on from this moral dilemma of yours?” Bela asked, showing the other girl her phone and on the screen were all the photos she had taken with friends, family, and strangers she had met at bars and work. The one picture Desdemona couldn’t take her eyes off of was the picture she and Veronica had taken when they were in middle school. Veronica had just gotten her braces and Desdemona was going through her awkward Hot Topic phase and once again, tears began to well up at the fond memories she had with the girl she had betrayed and murdered in cold blood. Veronica Joss was the best friend she had ever had in her life and Desdemona killed her. How could she ever move on from that?

“You don’t get it and you never will. V was my ride or die, and I betrayed her to save your sister’s life. I haven’t known any of you for more than three weeks and the girl whose corpse you desecrated was somebody I had known since I was a little girl. We fought with each other, we loved each other, and we made each other stronger through the years. She was there for me when I came out to my parents as a lesbian, which apparently isn’t a big deal over here, but it was huge for me where I come from and where I come from, stupid people protest bakeries that sell gay pride cookies but defend a cake decorator’s decision to deny gay people service just because of who they love! Veronica kicked a girl’s ass for me when she tried to touch me when I wasn’t ready to be touched. I destroyed a guy’s car with spray paint, my keys, and glitter when he cheated on her with someone she thought was her friend. Veronica put her life on hold when I became depressed our senior year of high school and helped me overcome one of the worst phases of my life. I graduated because of her and you know what I did to repay her for her years of friendship and unwavering loyalty? I fucking killed her and for WHAT!?” Desdemona yells out, angry tears now spilling out uncontrollably. She has the urge to shove Daniela off of her because her presence was now overwhelming, her presence a reminder that Veronica was dead and there was nothing she could do to bring her back. She glances over at Daniela and her heart stops at the sight of Alcina’s youngest looking down at her with a sad smile on her face, almost as if she looked…remorseful. She feels their connection vibrate with an emotion she can’t seem to place, and it makes her uncomfortable because she knows she has every right to be enraged but looking into Daniela’s glowing yellow eyes, guilt quickly takes over.

Bela doesn’t look bored but the neutral expression on her face bothered Desdemona a bit. Cassandra had the decency to look away for a moment although she was certain it was because Cassandra still didn’t fathom why she felt so strongly about the way things went down recently.

“You are the first human to ever share their experiences with us, you know. When we first met, you were driving me and my sisters wild with a lust we had never known before. We intended to kill you at some point but when we tasted you and you shared with us gifts that no one had ever given to us before, you unknowingly created a bond I know that you can feel. We feel what you feel and it is foreign to us, and I’m sure you can say the same about what you’re feeling whenever you’re near us. I…would, however, like to know more about you, I find myself completely enthralled by your history. The bond between us is growing stronger and I must confess, I’m enjoying the slow development of our relationship immensely.” Bela admits hesitantly as she points to pictures on the phone that she finds interesting.

Desdemona blinks at the revelation. They were all homicidal maniacs that reveled in the misery of others. They killed people for either fun or sustenance and here they were telling her how fond they were of her! The absolute nerve of them all! She should tell them off, attempt to run away and get maimed by Lady Alcina Dimitrescu or something! She shouldn’t put up with any of this, not after she killed Veronica in favor of Daniela. Why can’t she summon the willpower to do the things she wanted to do instead of listening to the stupid dark whispers that have completely numbed out whatever rational thoughts she had left?

“Why do you care? I have nothing to live for anymore; I lost the only people that ever mattered to me, and I just don’t have the strength to carry on anymore. I should bore you, waste your time, and possibly piss you off until you finally snap and kill me like you wanted to. Why jump through all these hoops just because you’re lonely and you don’t understand how friendships or romantic relationships work? Why don’t you kill me already?” Desdemona presses. She’s disappointed that this doesn’t elicit a reaction out of Bela but both Daniela and Cassandra are now paying close attention to how they’re interacting with one another.

Bela smiles at that so she puts down the phone to pull out a journal from her satchel that she brought with her. She carefully hands it over to Desdemona and Desdemona raises her eyebrow at the fact that the journal clearly belongs to her mother.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“I want to tell you a story but it involves my mother and how we were created. You may think that we don’t know what love is but we do. We come from drastically different backgrounds, we’re not even the same species, but we have something in common, Desdemona Hawthorne. I want you to listen and pay close attention because we don’t get attached to mortals or form deep bonds with just anyone; you are special to us, Little One and by me sharing our history, we will strengthen our bond and we will have a better understanding of each other. Our love will truly stand the test of time of that I can assure you.” Bela replies before launching into the tale of the four lords of the region, Alcina’s origins, and Mother Miranda’s history and why she continued to experiment on unwilling specimens in the region. Cassandra pitched in when she could. Daniela surprisingly contributed to the conversation more with her knowledge of the Four Lords; she wholeheartedly spoke about Donna Beneviento while she spoke about the other two lords of the region with great distaste. As Desdemona listened to their tales, she found herself eager to learn more, especially when Bela spoke about Miranda with a bitter tone to her voice. There was clearly a rift between her mother and this Miranda figure and Bela made it clear that Alcina looked up to the other woman. There was something to the way Alcina’s daughters frowned whenever Miranda’s name was mentioned and Desdemona herself felt the bond between all of them quiver with fear when they explained the nature of Miranda’s experimentations.

This woman was going to great lengths just to revive her dead daughter, and it did not matter how often she failed, she kept going. Even with Alcina aiding Mother Miranda, Bela suspected that Miranda would throw them all under the metaphorical bus just to cover her tracks.

“You don’t trust Mother Miranda, do you? When she released the lycans on the villagers, it sounds like you think she’s ready to sacrifice the only capable people that have been useful to her if it meant saving her own ass. Why do you feel that way?” Desdemona finally asked when the oppressive silence that followed her tales became too much to endure.

This information she learned…it was tremendous. Just one look at Lady Dimitrescu, and Desdemona wouldn’t have pegged her for a jazz musician or a winemaker, but she was all of that and more. Despite Alcina’s wicked nature and the cruel way she treated her servants, it astounded Desdemona that none of the girls were biologically hers yet she adopted all three of them when she formed a bond with them. If Desdemona were to be perfectly honest, she didn’t think Alcina was capable of love but…her overprotective nature of the girls made sense. While none of the murders or horrifying way they process their wine using maiden blood were in any way justifiable, they were apex predators at the top of the food chain doing what they must in order to maintain survival. They were no ordinary family, but the dynamics were the same and Desdemona can see by the way Bela holds her mother in high regard that they clearly know what love is.

“No, I do not trust Mother Miranda and I fear for my mother’s safety. When your group stumbled upon the village while we were out scouting for leftovers, we were ready to kill you all and have our way with you thinking you had been sent by Miranda to dispatch my mother. It turned out you were foreigners from another land, complete strangers to us and the other lords and the relief I felt knowing that you never even met the revered cult leader of the village was immeasurable. She’s incredibly dangerous, Desdemona, and no matter how often I tell my mother that we ought to cut our ties with her, she will not heed my warnings. While my mother is powerful, she cannot take Miranda on alone and the only other lord we can possibly convince to side with us is Donna Beneviento.” Bela finishes, feeding a spoonful of soup into Desdemona’s mouth. Desdemona didn’t realize how long she’d been distracted but her stomach felt full and looking down, Bela had been feeding her the entire time they had been talking. She was flabbergasted at how they were able to coax her into eating again after starving herself for a few days and she didn’t even notice that it had been happening the entire time. The dark whispers in her mind are telling her to calm herself, that her mistresses were taking care of her in her time of need and that she needed to be grateful. Desdemona obliged, surprisingly, and willfully took another sip of her water that Cassandra had at the ready for her.

When Desdemona slowly breathes in and out, there’s a renewed energy she hadn’t felt in days and the other women must have felt that sudden spark as well through their shared bond when they all turned to look at her.

“Well done, sister, look who’s back. There’s that familiar glow of yours that I’ve grown to love so much.” Cassandra says chuckling. She pushes aside Desdemona’s hair to reveal her collarbone and plants a gentle kiss on the exposed skin.

Daniela excitedly cups Desdemona’s chin and forcefully turns her head to the side so she could kiss her. It was sloppy and a little wet but Desdemona found herself kissing the other woman back just as enthusiastically. Daniela pulls away giggling but pouts when Bela stands up, pulling Desdemona to her feet as well. Bela delicately plays with Desdemona’s fingers for a moment before she raises a hand to cup Desdemona’s cheek. Once again, Desdemona’s inner turmoil from before has vanished and she leans into the touch, causing Bela to smirk. The blonde woman pulls Desdemona closer to her and presses a kiss to her lips, a kiss that leaves Desdemona wanting more. She had wanted nothing to do with them after recent events but here she was letting them touch and kiss her like they didn’t tear Veronica’s corpse apart after she had killed her.

Thinking back on her best friend’s death, Desdemona attempts to step away from Bela but the eldest sister kept her in place and hugged her closely. Because of the height difference, Desdemona’s head fell just a bit under Bela’s breasts and this made it easier for Bela to stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings to her as if her pretty words could erase her horrendous actions. Maybe it was due to the fact that their bond was strengthening but Desdemona was starting to feel more at ease as her mind once again begins to slip away into nothing.

No longer could she resist the call of Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters whenever they were near her and the inner voice in her head that protested their actions was silenced, dulled, and ignored. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to please them and to do whatever was asked of her. The traumatizing memory of Veronica’s death was starting to fade away as happiness begins to seep in the longer she remained in Bela’s arms. Desdemona was losing herself, no longer willing to fight the women she was now bonded to and there was nothing she could do about it. She wanted nothing more than to be embraced and loved by Alcina and her daughters as the feeling of being needed and wanted by these exquisite creatures overpowered everything else in her life. They chose her, she was their chosen one, and nothing could top that.

When Desdemona sighs and slightly pulls away from Bela, she looks up at Bela adoringly, a stark contrast to how she’d been behaving and treating them from earlier before, and Bela looks relieved. She leans down and kisses Desdemona, her arm encircling her waist as she dips her to kiss her even more deeply. When they break apart, Bela smiles at Desdemona and notices the glazed look in her eyes.

“You’re changing, Little One. Until the time comes for your final transformation, we’ll need to keep our wits about us. Either we’ll assist Mother Miranda in finding another vessel to revive her daughter or we’ll be taking her on with hopefully one of the other Lords on mother’s side. Daniela, I need you to write a letter to Donna Beneviento and invite her over for a wine tasting, I’m sure that woman could use company right now. Cassandra, take our dear little Desdemona and clean her up in the bath. We need her presentable as we propose our ideas to our dear friend Donna. We cannot risk Mother overhearing our plans.” Bela says as she passes a dazed and confused Desdemona over to Cassandra. “Do you truly think Donna will be able to help us in any shape or form? I think going behind mother’s back is truly a disastrous idea.” Cassandra tells Bela as she carefully lifts Desdemona and carries her bridal style.

“We cannot risk Miranda betraying our mother first. She’s become reckless as of late and there’s no telling what that woman is capable of. She destroyed the village using the lycans, who’s to say she isn’t planning on sacrificing us all for her own benefit? Either we find a successful vessel or we prepare ourselves to fight; Desdemona’s transformation is nearly complete and we’re going to need her if we plan on luring more people out here.” “What are you going to be doing while we make preparations, Bela?”

“I’m going to make a few inquisitive phone calls to the innkeeper that led our beloved Desdemona over to us. As much as I would love to see Mother put down Miranda once and for all, it would be easier to lure in more victims with great potential. I do not want to see our family fall, not after all we’ve been through and not after we’ve found a loving companion to keep with us. I…love Desdemona, I would like to continue exploring these new feelings with her but not with Miranda behaving the way she has been as of late. You may not see the danger behind her actions, but I do and I will not stand for it.” Bela says determinedly, as she runs her fingers through Desdemona’s thick tresses. Desdemona had fallen asleep in Cassandra’s arms, an effect of the drug she had slipped into her food. They needed to make their case presentable, and Donna’s input would be invaluable, even if she disagreed with their actions. There’s no way Miranda’s actions weren’t suspicious to anybody else so she had to see for herself if the other lords were continuing to follow Miranda’s orders blindly. She loathed to think so little of her own mother, but Alcina’s been trying to prove herself to the other woman for so long that Bela thinks the the effort just wasn’t worth it anymore. They were going to present another vessel to Miranda and if the ritual failed, then they would plan their attack. However, if this next vessel somehow succeeded in reviving Miranda’s daughter, then they could finally cut their ties with the woman and live on peacefully in their castle away from all the bullshit politics. Bela just wanted her family to remain safe, and with Desdemona now bonded to them as their fledgling, Bela had a lot to lose should their plan fail but she was now more determined than ever to make sure their plan worked. She’d never known love outside of family before but this connection with Desdemona opened her up to a whole new world of feelings waiting to be explored and she wasn’t going to lose that. Not now, not ever.

#resident evil village #resident evil 8 #RE8 Village #RE8 #mine #only monsters come out at night #chapter update #chapter 7 #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #Alcina Dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu x ofc #daniela dimitrescu x ofc #cassandra dimitrescu x ofc #Lady Dimitrescu's daughters

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exhaustedfander · 4 years

Text

Goddamn These Bite Marks, Deep in My Arteries

word count: 2,828

a03 link

Vampire!Logan in Analogical is something I’m so weak for, thusly, this oneshot exists.

Virgil paces the floor, anxiety clouding every jumbled thought. He’s been working himself up for weeks now, trying to find the best moment to brooch the subject. There were so many moments where things almost felt perfect, but then his nerves would kick in, or Logan would say something to completely change the subject.

Eventually, Virgil comes to the uncomfortable conclusion that no matter how much he wishes it worked otherwise they’ll never be a perfect time to say it. He’s just going to have to bite the bullet and spit it out. He can do that. Of course, he can do that…, right?

He has to do this, regardless of how terrified he is. And good lord, is he terrified.

It’s not as though Virgil thought this subject would never need to come up but dating a vampire doesn’t exactly come with an instruction pamphlet. He had no idea that he was going to meet Logan, like him more than he’s ever liked another person, and eventually fall so deeply in love that he can’t imagine himself with anyone else.

He’d gone into their relationship five years ago with very few expectations. Logan was cute, and he understood him, and they’d already been friends for some time and… and he was a vampire. Virgil supposes that would’ve been a deal-breaker for most people. Maybe it should’ve been for him too. Maybe it was the most logical way of thinking. But he couldn’t help it; he fell for Logan almost from the start, and he couldn’t stop if he tried.

Virgil’s learned a lot about vampirism in the last five years. For one thing, movies are usually a bunch of bullshit (Sexy, fun bullshit. But bullshit, nonetheless). Vampires don’t always have to drink human blood, though it is preferable, and they can eat some other foods, though it offers far less nutritional value than it would for humans. They aren’t strictly nocturnal, and the sunlight will not turn them to a pile of ashes the moment it makes contact with their skin (although Logan does get a wicked sunburn if he’s out too long without proper covering). Garlic does very little to ward off vampires, but garlic-breath does, unfortunately, ward off kisses.

Having one’s blood sucked isn’t nearly as painful as it’s often portrayed, nor as orgasmic. It’s just kind of… nice. Virgil’s always thought of it as a feeling of weightlessness, a kind of peace that’s hard to name, and even harder to find anyplace else. Honestly, he’s going to miss the feeling, if Logan agrees, that is.

Logan isn’t home yet, but it isn’t uncommon for him to stay late at the lab. Virgil’s glad that Logan’s been able to find a profession that he’s happy in. He knows that Logan would be far more known in his field, were it not for the fact that he cannot stay forever. Vampires do not live forever, contrary to popular belief, but they do live for a very long time, and it looks quite suspicious if one works a job for decades and never really seems to age. Logan’s only been alive for about twenty more years than Virgil has, but he’s had several other jobs under other last names in the past, and this is by far the one he’s enjoyed the most.

His boyfriend is such a smart, competent scientist and he’s sure he’d be world-famous by now if he didn’t hold himself back at times in fear of his name and face becoming known. That would make running away and changing one’s identity all the more difficult.

Virgil knows this conversation won’t be an easy one. Logan has pointedly avoided the topic for some time. It’s not as though Virgil doesn’t know that this is a life-altering decision; or more of a life-ending decision, depending on how you look at it. He’s weighed the pros and cons time and time again, but in the end, he always comes to the same conclusion: Virgil wants this.

His determination doesn’t make him any less nervous when he hears the door to their apartment open as Logan unlocks it, his heart leaping in his chest.

“Hey. Sorry, I know I stayed late,” Logan says as he slips off his shoes and jacket, his voice thick with exhaustion, “It’s been a hell of a day.”

“It’s okay. Sorry you had a shitty day,” Virgil says, walking to the doorway and pulling him in for a kiss, but pulling away after a lack of response, “Hey, are you good?”

Logan doesn’t look good. His skin is always quite pale (a stereotype that holds up, but he also works in a lab most of the day), but it’s even more so now. The always-present bags under his eyes are far more severe than usual, rivaling the eye-shadow Virgil wears. Logan looks dead-tired, and god, that won’t do, will it?

“I’m…” Logan sways slightly where he stands, up-righted by Virgil, “…fine.”

“Bullshit,” Virgil says, eyeing him carefully, “When was the last time you had something to eat?”

“I’m – it hasn’t been too long,” Logan says, lying rather poorly, “Really, I’m okay. Just tired.”

“Alright. C’mere, you,” Virgil says assertively, grabbing Logan by the wrist and bringing him to the couch.

“Virgil, darling, this isn’t necessary. Besides, I’ve got a bit of research to do for…” Logan trails off, seeing the look of agitation on his boyfriend’s face.

“Nope. Absolutely not. You’re not bringing work home, and, you’re not skipping another meal. God, I haven’t even been paying attention lately; you’ve just been so busy lately. When was the last time you ate?”

“I…”

“Babe. This is serious. You need to tell me when you need something. And right now, you need to eat,” Virgil said, slipping off his hoodie and pulling at the collar of his T-shirt. “You look like you’re starving, L.”

“Virgil. We don’t need to do this right now. I just came home, I’m perfectly content with simply spending the evening with you. I promise I’ll be fine. There’s no need to fuss.”

“There’s a perfectly good reason to fuss,” Virgil huffs out, “You’re being so fucking stubborn for no reason. Besides, there’s... well, there’s kind of something I want to talk to you about.” Logan raises a quizzical eyebrow.

“Is anything the matter?” Logan asks, trying, and failing, to mask the quickly formed concern.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Virgil swears, “Now, c’mon, the quicker you sink your fangs in, the quicker I can satiate your curiosity.”

Logan sighs, defeated, but tired and very hungry.

“Fine.”

He gets up from the couch, going into the bathroom, and coming out with a first aid kit. Virgil’s always insisted that it’s okay and that he doesn’t need to go to all the trouble. For the most part, the bites stop bleeding almost immediately after he’s done feeding, but Logan has none of it.

“You’re the one who’s taking care of me. Please. Let me take care of you, too.”

It’s little rituals like this, pressing a bandage and a kiss to the wound when he’s finished that keeps Logan from feeling like a monster. That’s what he confessed to Virgil one night, years ago. That he felt like a monster sometimes.

Virgil’s always been clear to dispute this. Logan’s never killed, anyone. He’s never been unnecessarily cruel to anyone, and he’s always, always been so good to Virgil. His need to feed is not that of a monster, and Virgil’s assured him as much anytime he felt otherwise.

But that can’t stop doubt from creeping in, and Virgil understands that. So he lets Logan do things at his pace for the most part, and he lets him take care of him to his heart’s content (Virgil truly isn’t complaining about that. It’s nice, how eager Logan is to care for him).

“Are you alright? Are you comfortable?” Logan asks, just as he always does.

“Yeah, I’m all good,” Virgil assures. Logan nods, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. He’s starving, Virgil knows he is. “Go on, baby. It’s okay.”

Logan nods, first kissing Virgil vehemently.

“I love you,” Logan whispers reverently against Virgil’s lips, his fangs brushing just so.

“I love you too.”

Logan pulls away, his eyes meeting Virgil’s, and ah, there it is. His boyfriend’s eyes turn from their usual-blue to a striking crimson, the change in color happening in a manner of seconds, like watching a drop of blood cloud a glass of water. It isn’t hypnotism, per se. Virgil isn’t under Logan’s ever-command, but his gaze certainly sends a sense of calm washing over him. Logan cups Virgil’s face for a moment, still looking at him intensely and lovingly all at once before he presses his lips to Virgil’s neck and sinks his fangs in.

The initial pinprick of pain has always made Virgil shudder a little, even now, but he’s far more prepared for it than he had been in the past. Quickly, though, the pain subsides to something stranger, more far-off. His back presses into the couch as Logan has a hand on either side of his neck, sucking and lapping the blood, Virgil lingering in the bliss.

When he’s finished, Logan removes his fangs, mouth only slightly bloodied.

“Thank you,” he says, whipping his lip and quickly reaching for the first aid kit on the coffee table.

“You’re welcome, Lo,” Virgil says, still a little lost in the feeling. He smiles faintly as a bandage is pressed to his neck. “Feeling better?”

“Much,” Logan says, his exhaustion seeming to have faded significantly. “I dare say you were right, I needed that more than I was aware. How about you? Are you alright, my love?” Virgil can’t help but smile dopily at that.

“I’m fine. Great. I love it when you call me that, you know that?” Logan chuckles, his eyes back to their normal blue, and fangs having receded.

“I do. Now, let me go get you something to eat.”

“You don’t have to,” Virgil says, only slightly light-headed, “I already had dinner.” Logan’s already on his feet.

“Now, I’ll have none of that,” he tuts, sounding as insistent as Virgil had moments prior, “You just gave blood – so to speak. It’s important to rehydrate and eat something rich in sugar to replenish your red blood cells.” Logan’s rummaging in the cupboard, looking for a snack.

It’s now or never, Virgil thinks to himself suddenly, realizing that if he doesn’t say something right this minute, he’s going to chicken out for the night and have to work himself up again later.

“Hey L?”

“Yes?”

“I…” God, this is harder than it should be! “I want…”

"What would you like? We have crackers, cookies –.”

“I want you to turn to me!” Virgil shudders at the sound of something clattering the floor in the kitchen. He turns around on the sofa, seeing the look of terror in his lover’s eyes.

“Dear Lord, did I take too much blood? Virgil, do you feel faint?” Logan asks, suddenly hovering over him, his eyes scanning over him.

“What? No – no, I’m fine. My head’s super clear. I’m being serious: I want you to turn me.”

“You… you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course I do!” Virgil says, zealousness bubbling with each word. He looks into Logan’s eyes, searching desperately for something, anything, that will further his argument. “Logan. Babe. I love you so, so much. I’m crazy about you, and I can’t see myself stopping anytime soon.” Logan swallows, the sound scared and tight.

“I- I love you, too. Virgil you know I love you, but –.”

“But what? You mean absolutely everything to me, and – and I can’t lose you. I want to keep being with you. Don’t you want to keep being with me?”

Virgil hates how desperate he sounds. A fear suddenly creeps into his mind, one he hadn’t yet considered: what if Logan doesn’t want this. He loves him now, but will he ten years from now? Twenty? A hundred? What if he hasn’t imagined a life with Virgil at all? What if he’s nothing more than a momentary distraction? What if –

A cold hand settles on top of his, their fingers lacing together.

“Yes,” says Logan, his voice tight and quiet, “I want to keep being with you. I adore being with you, dear. And I intend to do so for as long as I’m able.”

“But how long is that?” Virgil asks, the fear holding him in a death-grip, “How long until you need to leave this town and change your name?”

“I –.”

“I want to come with you when you go.”

“Virgil, you know how I feel about this subject.”

“No, I fucking don’t!” Virgil says, voice gaining in volume, hand still intertwined with Logan’s, grip tightening, “Because you never want to talk about it! Any time I’ve brought it up in the past you’ve just brushed it aside. Well, guess what? I’m not letting you do that right now. Why can’t you talk about it? What’re you so scared of?” Logan lets out a sigh, long and filled with frustration.

“Virgil… do you realize what you’re asking of me?” Virgil huffs out a breath, nodding.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Do you really? Do you understand how much you’d be asking me to take from you? You’re asking me to take your life away.”

“I want you, Logan. That’s all I want.”

“You’d need to go with me when I left town. We’d both need to change our identities often, to change occupations. We couldn’t let people grow suspicious.”

“I know.”

“And we’d both need to,” Logan squeezes his eyes shut, cringing at the word, “…hunt. Be it human or animal, I could not rely on you anymore, and you could not rely on me.”

“I know that too. I’ve already thought this all through, Logan. I mean it.”

“You could live such a different life, Virgil. There are so many possibilities that would disappear the moment I… if you were to regret this, there would be no going back. No reversing it.”

“What’ve you been planning for the future then, Logan. Were you just going to disappear one day?”

“I – well. This was your apartment before it was ours. I was considering –.”

“Leaving me,” Virgil finishes, and goddamn it, there are tears in his eyes.

“Sparing you,” Logan counters, “Of a very long existence with me.”

“Don’t you get it, Lo?” Virgil asks, letting go of Logan’s hand, his eyes landing on the floor. “I’ve thought through all of these variables a hundred times. You’re the best part of my life. Most of your friends are my friends too. And, newsflash, they’re vampires, too. I know that it’s a huge decision, a-and that it’s scary. I know it’s a lot. B-but I’ve never been as sure of something as I am about this. Never.”

Logan frowns, his thumb swiping over Virgil’s falling tears.

“You’re… you’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” It hurts Virgil, how unworthy of this Logan clearly feels. He'll have a lifetime of proving him otherwise, and a long one at that.

“Of course I am,” Virgil sniffles. “I’ve been thinking about it forever I just – I didn’t know how to say it.”

“The thought of having to leave you has haunted me so much these last few years,” Logan admits after a moment of tense quiet, “I didn’t know how I was going to bring myself to do it. And, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t ask you to do this. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Well, you don’t have to,” Virgil says firmly, hope flickering in his chest, “Because I’m asking you.”

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” Logan takes a shuddery breath, “You’re… you’re sure I’m what you want?”

“More than anything,” Virgil promises, grabbing hold of both of Logan’s hands.

“Okay,” Logan says after a long, agonizing moment. “I’ll give you a few days, to get anything in order that you feel you need to. And it’ll be just a little more time to back out if you so choose to.” Virgil nods quickly.

“I won’t need it, but okay. But, Logan, baby, do you really mean it?”

“If this is what you’re comfortable with, and it’s what you want then… yes. Yes, I want this too.”

Logan suddenly finds himself with a lapful of Virgil, a pair of lips enthusiastically pressed to his.

“I love you, Logan. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you, too, darling,” Logan says, a weight he wasn’t even aware of suddenly lifted from his shoulders.

The couple basks in the feeling, their shared enthusiasm and fulfilled desires, thinking of a long future together. Logan’s still scared and can’t be sure when or if those fears will ever entirely subside. But he didn’t need to ask this of Virgil; Virgil asked him. They know they can be together, and tonight, that’s more than enough.

=+=

General Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions

@justmeandmygayships

@arodynamic-enby

#analogical #romantic analogical #sanders sides #ts #human au #vampire!Logan #angst/fluff #fluff #angst #slight mention of blood sucking #it's quite brief tho #happy ending #Logan sanders #virgil sanders #exhaustedfander writes #exhaustedfander #the title is a reference to a mountain goats song

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letterboxd · 3 years

Photo

We Bought a Cryptozoo.

As their kaleidoscopic new film Cryptozoo lands in theaters, filmmakers Dash Shaw and Jane Samborski talk to Jack Moulton about misguided compassion, the beholder’s share, Akira, Watership Down and life imitating art.

“Occasionally we watch a horror movie together, but I like to do things while I watch and Dash wants the lights down. We spend so much time together working so when it comes time to relax, I want to be as far away from him as possible.” —Jane Samborski

“Jurassic Park on acid.” This is the mystical world of Cryptozoo, the new film from personal and professional couple Jane Samborski and Dash Shaw. Cryptozoo takes place in a 1960s hippie society where mythological beings—griffins, krakens, unicorns, gorgons and the like, collectively known as cryptids—live among humans, though unhappily, since people have a habit of hunting them down.

We meet Lauren (voiced by Lake Bell), a protector of cryptids, on a mission to rescue a baku—a Japanese supernatural creature that devours dreams—from the military, who plan to weaponize its powers. However, in collecting all the cryptids into a sanctuary that feels more like a mall (echoes of Disney’s Epcot are plainly hinted at), the cryptozookeepers begin to realize that those they’re trying to safeguard are likely better off without their assistance.

Loaded with clear allegories for xenophobia and colonialism, Cryptozoo has proven both a hit and a miss among Letterboxd members with the nature of its metaphors, even if we can all agree it absolutely skewers white-people-savior complexes. Shaw and Samborski placed careful focus on the casting, for example, enlisting Greek actress Angeliki Papoulia to portray Phoebe, a Medusa-esque character from Greek mythology, who assists Lauren in her journey to locate the baku, and provides an essential perspective and critique on Lauren’s overzealous activism.

Steeped in detailed and surreal world-building, the kaleidoscopic, hand-drawn approach can become pure sensory overload. More than a few of our members felt compelled to light up first and check it out again if it ever hits Adult Swim. But among those happy to be overwhelmed, Andrew found himself “captivated by its tactile imagery; its texture and sketch and color, the full-body chills and immense sense of self—it is beautiful and passionate.”

Cryptozoo premiered earlier this year at Sundance, where it picked up the NEXT Innovator Award for its makers. (Although only Shaw is credited as director, Cryptozoo uses an ‘A Film By’ credit to emphasize Samborski’s visionary contribution as animation director.) The couple had previously collaborated on Shaw’s debut feature, My Entire High School Sinking into the Sea, which is much more of a roughly sketched-out daydream, whereas Cryptozoo represents a more serious shift, and a step up in ambition and craft.

Making films is far from Shaw’s only enterprise. After graduating from the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan, he has written comic books, graphic novels, lyrics and plays. Meanwhile, Samborski has appeared in several films as an actress, and lent her animation skills to productions including Netflix’s Thirteen Reasons Why. Among their animation influences, the pair have mentioned the films of Ralph Bakshi, Suzan Pitt’s Asparagus, René Laloux’s Fantastic Planet, Takeshi Tamiya’s Astroboy and the century-old films of Winsor McCay and Lotte Reiniger (especially The Adventures of Prince Achmed).

Shaw and Samborski sat down with Jack Moulton for a chat about expanding the scale of their work, life imitating art, the “heft and violence of Watership Down” and the best comic-book film ever made.

‘Cryptozoo’ director Dash Shaw and animation director Jane Samborski.

What stuck out to me when I finished the film was your ‘A Film By’ credit; it wasn’t just Dash, it had Jane’s name as well. How were the directing responsibilities divided in order to explain that credit? Dash Shaw: It just felt like the most accurate way to describe the movie.

Jane Samborski: I make a lot of the decisions about character acting and I’m taking the voices and using them to inform my understanding about the characters. In some cases, I was able to use video reference of the actors, but most of their physical mannerisms are coming from my brain, so in that way I’m taking a directorial role. While there’s a huge amount of the aesthetic direction that’s coming from me, Dash is definitely the one steering the overall ship. There were a few instances in the film where I got a little off-message and he pulled me back.

DS: Maybe it’s even more confusing with animated movies because people are doing a lot of different things, so when it comes to crediting we talk about what we think makes the most sense. We could have written our names on the backgrounds to try and figure out who drew what, but it just seemed like a film by the both of us.

JS: Everything is by us, except this thing, and this thing, and this thing…

What I found really interesting about the film is the way that all the characters are so fallible. It demonstrates how an egocentric allyship can do more harm than good. Why was it important for you to explore that idea of misguided compassion? DS: I think that that happened while trying to do something else. I had seen this Winsor McCay short, The Centaurs, and I wanted to write something Jane would enjoy painting. My first idea was about mythological beings, and then the next idea was that they were from actual mythologies in our culture and instead of being a fantasy world, they’re in our world.

That is when my mind went to these things that you talked about, like museums attempting to take imaginations from all over different cultures and introduce them to the public, and how that often damages the power of those artworks. There’s definitely a Cryptozoo movie that could’ve been made by a different person that didn’t get into any of this stuff, but because of my personality, those things ended up being embedded in the script.

You embraced the opportunity to utilize thin lines in Cryptozoo, as opposed to the thicker lines of My Entire High School Sinking into the Sea, which opens up what you can achieve cinematically. Can you talk about expanding that scale and how that may have approached your limitations? JS: It definitely was one of the first aesthetic decisions that was made in the film. There’s a broad simplicity to High School Sinking, so we wanted to zero in on fewer but more specific drawings. I was doing quite a bit of minor puppet work, especially in the latter parts of High School Sinking. I really love working in that way, so this was a match that played to an aesthetic that I responded to for a long time. It was logistically a lot more difficult as it’s very hard to turn in space with a puppet, so there were definitely times where we would run up against a problem and then throw out our rulebook and do cell animation. But I think that is the joy of setting up your own rules—you keep them as long as they’re useful to you.

Your film acknowledges very early on that “utopias never work out”. On the other hand, perhaps utopias never work out in movies because they’re just not dramatically interesting to explore when they succeed. What are your thoughts on sculpting a utopia in commercialized fiction? DS: You kind of know that it’s going to fail as soon as the movie starts. It’s a good fall. I find utopian art very inspiring and beautiful and that’s what I like about a lot of the art of the 1960s. I would not put this movie up against that imagery.

JS: Yeah, a utopia is certainly something we all want to experience but not necessarily something we want to hear a story about.

DS: That’s something that’s famously said about what’s really powerful about early seasons of Star Trek, and seeing all of these different people working together.

I imagine it was strange to be working on Cryptozoo for so many years, and then you have a storming-the-capital scene in your film, which premiered at Sundance only a couple of weeks after it happened in the real world (for very different reasons). How did that make you feel regarding the film’s timing? JS: It was a bit of a freak out!

DS: It was strange, even if we didn’t have that line in our movie, just to see that going on. It made me think of this art school thing, the “beholder’s share”, where the artists make 80 percent of the work in their time and place, and then the last twenty percent is completed in the viewer’s mind, in their own time and their place. You have to love that hand-off.

JS: The world changed so much over the course of making the film. Dash wrote the film before Trump was elected President. We started out with a script that we thought was talking about really interesting things that felt a little bit further away. As we worked on the project, it got closer and more real, so we just hoped that we were able to talk about it with honesty. The project feels like something larger than us and that’s really exciting.

When you look at some of the reactions, you can see how it’s really easy for audiences to dismiss the movie as too weird, but I do feel there are many accessible and mainstream elements to the plot. What are your instincts for playing in and out of the comfort zone? DS: One of my first ideas for wanting to make animated movies is that they would have a pop-art quality. They would be blockbuster movies that have been defamiliarized—they’ve been messed up, disorientated, changed, altered in some way. High School Sinking is like Titanic, and Cryptozoo is like Jurassic Park. There’s a blockbuster movie inside of them, but we keep veering away or disrupting it in some way that might make it seem stranger. It was right there as one of the first missions of making these films.

JS: I feel very differently. I love the experimental stuff, but if there wasn’t a clear story through-line, I would get bored. It’s the perennial music-video problem—it’s all gloss and no heft. So we have that clear action-adventure storyline to pull you through this crazy ride. We feel differently about what it’s doing for the audience, but it seems to be working, whichever one of us is right!

Are there any hidden or background details in the animation that you’re concerned people will miss? JS: For me, if somebody felt that there was so much going on that they wanted to watch it two or three times and they found something new each time, that would be the best thing ever. The idea that I would be able to make something that is worth multiple viewings far outstrips worrying that somebody is going to miss something I did.

What was the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? DS: I wonder if Jane is going to say Watership Down…

JS: I am! That was my favorite movie as a child. I liked to torture my friends with it. It’s particularly that segment right at the beginning when they tell the myth of El-Ahrairah—it’s so expressive and less representational, but it also has this heft and violence. It was definitely the first adult animated film that I saw. My parents wouldn’t buy it for me because it was at the local library, so we’d rent it again and again and I’d watch that beginning segment over and over and it would get scratchier and scratchier, so eventually the VHS just snapped from me watching it so many times.

DS: I would have to really dive deep to come up with a really good answer to that but for some reason the one that pops into my head right now is Todd Haynes’ Poison. I saw it at the School of Visual Arts. Poison felt like a collage movie with three different parts that kept pulling a special combination of ingredients. It felt like an art film and it also had very overt genre elements that were being used in an unusual way. It was one of the key movies to me that had a great independent spirit.

El-Ahrairah faces a challenge in the prologue to ‘Watership Down’ (1978).

What animated films have you seen recently that blew you away? DS: I want to plug an incredible movie we just saw at the Annecy International Animation Film Festival, Bubble Bath, which is a restored Hungarian film from 1980. I hope it will get a US release.

JS: We were also lucky enough to see an exhibit [at Annecy] for Michel Ocelot. I had seen the Kirikou films, which are phenomenal. I really like his work.

Do you have any movies that you often watch together? DS: We really don’t watch movies together. I wish she would watch movies with me!

JS: Occasionally we watch a horror movie together, but I like to do things while I watch and Dash wants the lights down. We spend so much time together working so when it comes time to relax, I want to be as far away from him as possible.

DS: I’m really glad we saw Bubble Bath together.

JS: That one was just amazing.

You’re a comic book writer, Dash. What’s the greatest comic-book movie ever? DS: Akira.

JS: Yeah, hands down.

Related content

Our animation correspondents Kambole Campell and Alicia Haddick in conversation about the 2021 Annecy International Animation Film Festival

Letterboxd’s Top 100 Animated Feature Films, a list by Rahat Ahmed

Vulture’s The 100 Sequences that Shaped Animation list on Letterboxd

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

‘Cryptozoo’ is currently screening in select US theaters.

#cryptozoo #animation #animated film #dash shaw #jane samborski #ralph bakshi #psychedelic animation #2d animation #hand-drawn #hand-drawn animation #letterboxd

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valkyrisffvii · 3 years

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60 Questions about Mithra

Some background information about Mithra Valkyris

1: What’s your OCs favorite color?

Mithra’s favorite color is most definitely red, specifically dark crimson, the same color as blood. Her 2nd Class SOLDIER uniform sports this color, as do several other outfits that she wears.

2: Where does your OC work?

Mithra used to plunder people’s homes for clients as a part of a thieving ring. She was rewarded for her skills with food, clothing, and a place to stay. Unfortunately, the job ran out of use for her when she reached her late teens. In order to avoid having to sell her body to ensure a stable life, Mithra ran away from that particular part of Midgar and joined SOLDIER, the elite military group. They were reluctant to accept her at first due to the fact that she was female, but her skills in stealth ended up proving quite valuable to Shinra.

3: What’s your OCs favorite food?

Mithra is fond of anything that’s spicy. She can tolerate spicy food better than most of her friends. Mithra also has a very strong sweet tooth, preferring her coffee sweet and having a fondness for anything with chocolate.

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic?

Gil does not come in card form nor paper form, so Mithra carries her gil in a pouch that attaches to her belt, much like others who don’t carry bags.

5: How old is your OC?

Mithra is around 14 when she first finds herself in lower Midgar. She joins SOLDIER at the age of 17 and is promoted to 2nd class at age 19. She is 22 when she gets into her first relationship with Sephiroth.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?

Like other members of SOLDIER, Mithra receives Mako injections which give her enhanced speed, jump height, strength, and other powers. She learns several ice and electric spells to use in combat as a contrast to Genesis’ skills with fire.

7: Is your OC in a relationship?

Before she joins SOLDIER, Mithra does try to get the attention of several girls her age, with no luck. She believes that she only holds feelings for females until she meets and falls in love with Sephiroth, whom she is afraid to confess her feelings to. Luckily, a slip of Zack’s tongue allows the two of them to confess their feelings to each other. They maintain a loving relationship for many years, and their commitment to each other pushes them to fight against those who threaten them.

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?

Having faced great adversity at a young age, Mithra is no stranger to conflict, and she has no problem with standing up for herself. She’s also very crafty with her words and actions, and she can manipulate anyone into giving in to her wishes, though she’d rather not do this unless she’s dealing with an enemy. Mithra’s stealth skills have made her a valuable asset to SOLDIER; she is a skilled lockpicker and pickpocket, and she can move silently and hide easily due to her short stature and small frame. She’s a patient teacher as well, taking some time out of her days to help infantryman Cloud train so that he can become a SOLDIER.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses?

Having little to no memory of her childhood, Mithra struggles with understanding her identity. During her teenage years, she feels that she’s different from other girls because she does not hold romantic feelings towards men. Luckily, she comes to accept herself fully once she finds her place as a member of SOLDIER, and she comes out as bisexual. Mithra is also somewhat of a hothead, albeit less than that of someone like Genesis. She can get overwhelmed easily and this can result in impulsive decisions, some of which don’t end that well.

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?

Once she hits the age of 18 and comes out, Mithra feels much more confident in her clothing choices. Like many other young women in Midgar, she likes wearing crop tops, even going so far as to alter her SOLDIER uniforms to fit her style. She hates anything that is tight around the neck, so she removed the turtleneck on the uniform as well. When she’s not in uniform, Mithra normally wears cropped tanks, as she hates sleeves. She also prefers going barefoot over constantly wearing boots.

11: What animal does your OC relate to?

Mithra probably relates most to a fox. She’s sneaky, both in physical prowess and her speech. She’s also quite solitary before she befriends the other SOLDIERS.

12: Is your OC sexually active?

Mithra has little to no interest in a sexual relationship at first due to some bad experiences with older men on the streets. Even after she gets into a relationship, sex is not high on her list of desires, as she prefers to go on adventures with her S/O rather than have intimate moments. That being said, she does make perverted jokes occasionally…

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?

Mithra’s earliest memory is waking up on the ground in an alleyway in Midgar. She can recall faint snapshots of her supposed childhood, but there’s nothing solid enough for her to remember vividly. She did remember her age and birthday, as well as how to fight.

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?

Mithra has a touch screen smartphone like everyone else who works for Shinra. She is in several group chats including one for the six main SOLDIER members as well as SOLDIER Director Lazard, one with herself, Zack, and Cloud Strife, and one with her female friends Tifa Lockhart and Aerith Gainsborough. She often sends her friends “memes”.

15.What makes your OC angry?

Anyone who says that women are weak immediately get disapproval from Mithra, as does anyone who hates members of the LGBTQ+ community. She is also angered by those who threaten or make fun of her friends, especially anyone who antagonizes Sephiroth. The thing that she absolutely cannot stand, however, is being told to “know her place”.

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?

Mithra loves the summer because she and the others usually get longer vacations. They often go to Costa Del Sol or another exotic location and just enjoy their time together. She is also fond of the winter cold and snow that sometimes falls in Midgar, and she can spend hours sitting at the window watching the snowflakes fall.

17: How long can your OC hold their breath?

Mithra’s SOLDIER abilities include the ability to hold her breath longer than the average person. However, she does have her limits, as seen when she dives into a reservoir lake to search for a piece of materia and gets attacked by mutated Shinra creations, which results in Sephiroth having to save her.

18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?

Cotton. She thinks lace and silk are stupid, not to mention the mess they’d become during one’s menstrual cycle.

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?

Mithra isn’t particularly fond of either.

20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza?

Either Margherita or barbecue chicken. She will judge anyone who thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

21: Who is your OCs best friend?

When she first joined SOLDIER, Mithra felt out of place because she was the only woman. However, Zack Fair, who was on the brink of making 2nd Class at the time, was quick to introduce himself to her and make her feel welcome. She and Zack quickly became close friends, both of them having a sense of humor and outgoing personalities. Through Zack, Mithra met and befriended the elite 1st Class members Genesis Rhapsodos, Angeal Hewley, and Sephiroth. Mithra became close friends with Cloud Strife after she helped him make SOLDIER. Mithra also became close friends with Aerith after helping Zack get closer to her, and Cloud introduced her to his childhood friend Tifa.

22: Has your OC ever killed someone?

Before joining SOLDIER, Mithra had actually never killed anyone. She had to knock a few people out using her rock sling in order to escape a few fights, but she never murdered anyone in cold blood. After she became a SOLDIER, she’d do regular jobs that sometimes involved killing people, but only because it was her job and not due to personal grudges.

23: What's your OCs biggest secret?

Mithra was groped several times in her teen years by older drunk men, which fueled her dislike of alcohol. She also has a prominent scar behind her right ear that spans vertically from the top of her ear to the upper part of her neck. This scar was given to her by a drunk man who smashed a beer bottle into her head after she refused to sleep with him when she was sixteen. Had she not jerked her head away, the broken bottle would have disfigured her face, maybe even rendered her blind in her right eye.

24: What does your OC smell like?

Mithra doesn’t like perfume, so unlike Sephiroth, she simply smells like powder-fresh deodorant. Her hair can smell badly if she doesn’t wash it daily.

25: What time of year does your OC prefer?

(Same as 16)

26: Is your OC a human or an animal?

Mithra is very much human, albeit somewhat of a superhuman due to Mako injections.

27: What languages does your OC speak?

Mithra only knows the common language spoken by most people on Gaia. She also doesn’t have an apparent accent.

28: Does your OC like anime?

She’s not really into it itself, but she does like the art style and tries to replicate it in her spare time.

29: Can your OC swim?

Mithra is a surprisingly strong swimmer. Her small frame allows her to move in the water swiftly, and she has strong arms and legs thanks to SOLDIER training. She enjoys swimming whenever she gets the chance, especially during the hot summer months.

30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?

She shaves, but she would never let anyone wax her down there.

31: Does your OC believe in fairies?

Mithra isn’t overly superstitious, but she believes in ghosts.

32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?

Anything Mithra learned was either a result of an experience (bad or good) or from being in SOLDIER. She did know how to read and write when she woke up, though. Zack introduced Mithra to Angeal, who took her under his wing alongside Zack. Angeal taught her most of the skills she needed in SOLDIER, and Mithra caught on pretty quickly.

33: Are your OCs parents dead?

Mithra does not know who her parents are or if they abandoned her in that alleyway. She has faint visions of people whom she thinks are her parents, but she isn’t sure if they’re still alive or not. Seeing as no one came looking for her, it’s most likely that she was left to die by her parents, or her parents had died and whoever was caring for her got rid of her.

34: Is your OC religious?

Mithra does sometimes mention Shiva when she’s surprised, but for the most part she is agnostic.

35: How flexible is your OC?

Mithra is much more flexible than any of the other SOLDIERs. She is great at climbing and has great balance. One of her pastimes is doing parkour in the simulation room with the scene set to rooftops in Midgar. Her past life as a thief gave her the ability to jump fences and squeeze into tight spaces. She also has great grip strength and can hang on for long periods of time without letting go.

36: What turns your OC on?

Mithra loves people who are confident and assertive. She believes that the most “masculine” thing that a man could do is not care about what others think. She likes girls who also don’t care about outside opinions and stand up for themselves. The most attractive trait that a person could have, in her opinion, is undying loyalty.

37: What was your OCs first word?

As for the first word she uttered as an infant, Mithra has no idea what it was. However, the first thing she said when she woke up was “Huh?”

38: Does your OC have any pets?

While she’s living in the Shinra building in Midgar, Mithra does not have any pets. However, she dreams of getting a dog someday, particularly a husky or a corgi.

39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?

At first, Mithra’s enemies are the criminals she works with as they try to force her into submission. When she escapes the criminal underworld and joins SOLDIER, her greatest enemy is Professor Hojo. She harbors a strong dislike towards him from the very beginning due to his obsession with using live subjects, and the hatred only grows when she finds out the truth about Sephiroth’s origins. Hojo’s feelings towards her are mutual, and he even goes so far as to torture her for meddling in his work.

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?

The craziest thing Mithra’s done is probably dating the famous, elite Silver General despite his hoards of fangirls, directly contributing to thousands of jealous women all over the Planet. She does not fear them one bit even though they are notorious for fanatically snooping and gossiping about Sephiroth. Then again, the Silver Elite are also terrified of her.

41: What is your OCs motto about life?

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea?

Mithra is partial to both, but she prefers green tea and likes her coffee sweet with plenty of cream. She hates iced tea but she loves iced coffee with sweetened condensed milk.

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?

Probably the three Firsts. Between Genesis’ dramatic personality, Angeal’s devotion to honor, and Sephiroth’s inner warmth, she deeply admires all three of them. However, unlike their fan clubs, who love them for their deeds, appearances, and heroics, she appreciates their personalities and her friendships with them.

44: What color eyes does your OC have?

Unlike most other SOLDIERs, Mithra does not have the signature “Mako eyes” despite receiving Mako. This makes it easy for her to hide the fact that she’s in SOLDIER. Her eyes remain their natural warm brown, and they appear to have golden reflects in direct sunlight.

45: Does your OC like reading?

Mithra absolutely hates reading. Part of it is from constantly listening to Genesis recite LOVELESS, and most of it is because she prefers actually doing things rather than reading about other people’s experiences. She has stolen LOVELESS from Genesis multiple times, much to his annoyance (don’t worry, they’re still best friends).

46: Is your OC loyal?

Having been betrayed before, Mithra vows to never betray her friends. She is an incredibly loyal friend and girlfriend. She would never cheat on Sephiroth with anyone, nor would she sell anyone out for her own gain. If she ever accidentally betrays someone, she will do anything to gain forgiveness.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence?

Unfortunately, Mithra has to tolerate some violence as a member of Shinra’s elite military. She is not overly fond of violence in situations where it’s unnecessary. However, she is more than willing to kill people who have hurt her or her close friends.

48: What social class is your OC from?

Mithra started out as a thief, a class that no average person would want any association with. She jumped dramatically in social hierarchy when she joined SOLDIER, becoming a high-ranking member of society. When she enlisted, Director Lazard was quick to remind the other members that she deserved respect as the only female. She was even given her own private suite with a full kitchen, bathroom, living room, and bedroom in order to ensure her privacy among all the men in SOLDIER.

49: What country was your OC born in?

Somewhere on the planet of Gaia. It’s not exactly known where Mithra was born, as she was already a teenager when she found herself in Midgar. Her family could have very well either been from Midgar originally or they may have moved from another town.

50: Does your OC cry easily?

Mithra has taught herself to be strong and stoic in times of hardship and show little emotion. She does not cry easily, but she prefers to work off her anger and sadness by doing target practice. When she meets her friends and eventually gets into a relationship, however, Mithra becomes more open with her feelings and is willing to let her emotions out rather than bearing her burdens. She feels that her friends accept her fully and will be there for her even when she seems weak.

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?

Mithra loves instrumental music that she can play while doing things such as cleaning, cooking, or drawing. She also loves songs that she can sing or dance to. She would often sing to herself when she was alone in order to keep herself occupied.

52: How does your OC feel about insects?

Despite her adventurous personality, Mithra is terrified of cockroaches, slugs, and moths. She likes flies and mosquitoes and the like as much as the next person, and she thinks that bees are cute at a distance. She is extra happy when Sephiroth moves in with her because it means that she doesn’t have to kill any roaches that wander into her apartment.

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?

At first, Mithra believes that she is a lesbian, as she only feels attraction to women during her time as a thief. However, everything changes when she joins SOLDIER and she’s exposed to charismatic men such as Zack, Genesis, Angeal, and Sephiroth. She comes out as bisexual at the age of 18, which makes her the only member of SOLDIER to be an open member of the LGBTQ+ community at the time.

54: Does your OC smoke?

Similarly to her feelings towards alcohol, Mithra loathes tobacco. She was forced to smell it when wandering around the criminal underworld and never got used to it. She also knows that smoking can ruin one’s body and does not want to destroy herself at such a young age.

55: What gender is your OC?

Mithra identifies as a cisgender female. She is mostly feminine, but she enjoys crossdressing in men’s clothes. A particularly amusing instance of this is when she tries on Sephiroth’s coat, which drags behind her like a cape, and the sleeves are several inches too long. Sephiroth does get a good laugh out of this, though.

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?

Mithra’s wardrobe consists of crop tops and comfortable pants such as sweatpants or leggings. She hates long sleeves and therefore wears tanks most of the time. When she’s not wearing her SOLDIER combat boots, Mithra is normally either barefoot or sporting sandals. She’s also quite fond of two-pieced dresses, as seen with her choice of fashion for Shinra’s annual banquet.

57: Would you call your OC adventurous?

Mithra lives for adventure. During her time as a thief, she would wander around the slums of Midgar with constant interest in the different people living in the city. Her job as a SOLDIER only gave her new opportunities for adventures around Gaia. She has traveled to Costa Del Sol, Banora, and several other small towns. She also travels to several remote areas.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?

Despite seeming more introverted at first due to her solidarity, Mithra is actually very extroverted and loves being around people. Befriending Zack and then the others turned out to be one of the best things that happened to her, as it allowed her to relate to other people and feel a sense of belonging.

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?

Mithra is very short, standing at 5’3”. She looks even shorter when she’s with her fellow SOLDIERs. The only one close to her height is Cloud Strife, and even he is four inches taller than her. She also does not sport blue eyes like other members of SOLDIER, but instead retains her natural brown eyes.

60: Does your OC enjoy nature?

Even though she’s mostly a city girl, Mithra does enjoy the great outdoors. She goes camping with Zack and Cloud several times and fully enjoys it (partially because she can scare Zack). She does drag her boyfriend with her a few times, much to his displeasure.

#mithra valkyris #background #world building #questions #ffvii #final fantasy vii #zack fair #cloud strife #sephiroth #angeal hewley #genesis rhapsodos #aerith gainsborough #tifa lockhart #midgar #oc

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allthewayforbgs · 4 years

Text

All Grown Up

Word Count: 7,400

Genre: Coming of Age, Fluff, Angst

Summary: Distance and time weren’t enough to keep Chris from finding his way back into your life. Sometimes, there are some things you just can’t outgrow.

Author’s Note: This was written with a black MC in mind. Does that mean others can’t read it? Of course not, I’m super proud of this story. Just know that all physical descriptions will be of a black girl.

2002

The first time you met Chris Bang, you made him cry. He was the round-faced kid from the class next door that you only saw during lunch and recess. You knew he was loud and missing one of his front teeth, but that was it. The two of you never played together. Not because you didn’t like him—well, you didn’t that first day—but because you just had different friends. Besides, you were 5 and, as far as you were concerned, every boy that wasn’t your dad had cooties. There was no way you were catching those.

It was Friday which meant arts and crafts and an early recess. High off the gold star you had received from your teacher for your marvelous finger painting, you were in a great mood. Recess came, and you were all set to be the first one on the swings, bouncing on the soles of your scuffed black flats as you waited for the teacher to open the door that led to the playground. You were a good runner, so you knew you would make it up the hill before any of the other kids.

The doors opened and, almost immediately, the race began, everyone taking off as fast as they could to be the first one on the slide or get the swing that went the highest. You were almost to the top when someone ran into your back, knocking you into the ground. You shoved them off you and jumped up to your feet. Your left knee stung, tears in your stockings already showing hints of blood. You weren’t worried about that, though. You weren’t even worried about the fact that Taylor Atkins had managed to steal your swing, at least not entirely. You were worried about the mud that had managed to splash across the front of your favorite dress. It was your favorite color and your mom had let you pick it out yourself, your first “growed up” decision.

Chris had stumbled to his feet, almost tripping again from the mud and his untied shoelaces. Tears in your eyes, you pushed him back down almost as soon as he had made it onto his feet. Chris plopped back down into the mud and stared up at you in disbelief. He had been about to apologize, but before he even got the chance he was back on the ground.

“This is all your fault, you…you…” you searched your head for the worst thing you could call him. “Poopy head!”

The two of you ended up having to sit in the teacher’s lounge for the rest of recess while Chris’ teacher got your parents on the phone and your teacher tried to salvage your dress. Chris had stopped crying and you were slightly less angry, but still not calm enough to apologize to him. When your parents got there, Chris’ mom coddled him, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at how big of a baby he was being. You hadn’t even pushed him that hard…

Your mom, on the other hand…

“(Y/N), do you have anything you want to say to Christopher?” Your teacher asked softly. Arms crossed over your chest, you shook your head no.

“Apologize to him!” Your mom chided.

Still the smallest of frowns on your face, you softly said, “Sorry.”

“Sorry for what? And I know you can talk louder than that.”

With your mom coaching you through it, you were able to force out a “Sorry for pushing you down…and calling you a poopy head…and for calling you a baby.”

“You didn’t call me a baby?” You could hear the slight whistle of air through the gap of his teeth.

“Not out loud…”

Skipping over that, your teacher went on to say that she thought the problem was just that the two of you didn’t really know each, that if you two could become friends it would be like none of this had ever happened. You started to protest and say that there was no way you could be friends with a cootie-having crybaby like him. But both your and Chris’ mom were saying what a great idea that was.

And so, you had to eat lunch with Chris every day for the rest of that month. And you kept having lunch with him every day after that because, even if he did have cooties, he actually wasn’t half bad…

2007

You were no stranger to Korean culture. While there were things you definitely still didn’t understand, Chris was nice enough to teach you basic words and explain some things to you. And, after lots of asking, he talked you into joining his family for the lunar new year. You had tried to tell him that he should just be with his family, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“You said you wanted to know more about Korea, Seollal is the perfect place to start.” He had said with the biggest of smiles. And so, you ended up in his parents’ bedroom with his mom getting you into a hanbok. It was very intricate, and you appreciated the help because you probably wouldn’t have been able to get into it on your own. It was a beautiful pink and orange floral design, the colors flattering against your dark skin. As Mrs. Bang took a step back to make sure it was on properly, you saw the smile that spread across her face.

“You two really are growing up so fast.”

As much as you had hated her coddling Chris the first day you two met, you couldn’t say you weren’t grateful for her extending the same kindness towards you. You turned to look at yourself in the mirror. The hour of your mom trying to detangle and style your thick curls had been worth it. You looked-

“Beautiful.” Mrs. Bang finished the thought for you, and you returned the compliment. You had honestly been shocked when she opened the door for you, out of her usual mom attire and into something out of a movie.

“Come on,” she said. “I think the boys are almost done setting up the altar.”

Out in the living room, the furniture had been moved aside to make room for the ancestral alter. You bowed respectfully to Chris’ aunts and grandparents just as he had shown you then made your way over to Chris. He was dressed in his own traditional clothing, the colors similar to what his mom had prepared for you. You thought his pants were funny but interesting, though you still preferred your own outfit. Chris was staring at you, though.

“What?” You laughed awkwardly. “Do I look stupid?”

Chris cleared his throat and shook his head. “Uh, no. No more than usual at least.” You restrained yourself from punching him in the arm because you were surrounded by his family and didn’t want to make a bad impression. “Do you remember how to say have a happy new year?”

Chris had coached you for like 20 minutes on how you were supposed to wish elders a happy new year. Your pronunciation was less than perfect, but he was patient. You practiced a little more before his parents gathered everyone in the living room. You mostly watched, amazed by the traditions but also not wanting to impose. Chris gave you a thumbs up when you were able to answer a basic question his grandmother asked you, the older woman giving you a kind smile at your somewhat childish but decent Korean pronunciation.

Slowly, as the night went on and everyone had eaten more than their fair share of rice cake soup, people began to leave. You changed out of your hanbok, thanking Mrs. Bang again for lending it to you, and then helped Chris and his dad start cleaning up. Chris was already talking about all the things he wanted to do tomorrow when the two of you woke up. Leaving the furniture pushed aside, you both got to work setting up a fort to sleep in. It was only after a few Pokémon battles on your DSs that you were finally tired.

“Hey, (Y/N), you asleep yet?” Chris whispered in the dark. You turned on your side so that you were facing him and shook your head. “Thanks. For coming today.”

Laughing, you said, “Well, you didn’t give me much choice, but I had a really good time.”

Even if he didn’t say it, you knew how much this meant to Chris. He loved his family and his culture. He had gotten into more than one argument with kids at school who tried to tell him his kimchi fried rice stank or would make fun of him when he would speak Korean. As one of the few black kids in your class, you understood him and how hard it was being isolated sometimes. If stumbling through formal Korean expressions and failing at rolling your own kimbap would make Chris happy, you were willing to do that for him. He was your best friend after all.

2011

“We can do this, right?” Chris asked. You weren’t entirely sure if he was speaking to you or to himself, but you nodded anyway.

“We can do this.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah. It’ll definitely be fine.”

“You go first.”

“What? No way!”

From the front seat, your mom sighed and turned to look at you and Chris. “You know you’re going to have to get out of the car eventually, right? Preferably before the crossing guard snaps at me for holding up her line.”

You looked out the window, still a bit hesitant. When you were in 8th grade, you felt like you could do anything. Even go to high school. But, now that you were here, it seemed just a tad bit scarier. You could see members of the football team passing the ball around on the front lawn, kids running up to their friends they hadn’t seen over the summer break, and under a tree you could just spot a couple going at it hot and heavy. Seeing the hesitation on your face, your mom smiled a little.

“Baby, you’ll be fine,” she said gently. “No one’s as tough as you. Besides, you’ll have Chris. Its your first day and you already have a friend.”

Looking over at Chris, you smiled. She was right. He’s been your best friend forever. If you had him, everything else would be a piece of cake. Your right hand on the door handle, you took Chris’ hand in your left and gave him an affirming smile, which he returned.

“We can do this.”

2014

It was the last weekend of summer vacation, and your friend Brianna had decided to throw a party. Or, as you had very adamantly told your parents, “a casual get together”. Nothing crazy or out of hand, just a few friends getting together to celebrate Brianna’s birthday and hang out before school, homework, and clubs took over the free time they had enjoyed over break.

She had decorated her backyard with paper lanterns, a table spread out on the patio covered in snacks, now half empty boxes of pizza and liters of soda. Music was blasting, some top 40s song that you all were only half listening to. Brianna had opened most of her gifts, and you and most of the girls were teasing her about the very thoughtful present she had gotten from Adam. They had been crushing on each other since sophomore year, but neither of them would admit it.

“I have an idea!” Tiffany, a girl you vaguely knew from your art class last year, said as she poured herself the last of the Sprite. Her loud voice rang through the backyard, drawing all eyes to her. “Let’s play spin the bottle.”

There were a lot of mixed reactions. Some were excited while others, namely Brianna, were nervous. Laughing, Adam asked, “What is this, a teen movie?” Taylor shot a glare in his direction before saying, “Come on, it’ll be fun. Everyone get in a circle!”

A little prodding and some more teasing later, Tiffany had managed to get all of you into a circle in the middle of the backyard. Chris sat down beside you and shot you a goofy smile. “You nervous?” He asked.

“Pfft. Why would I be?”

Honestly, though, you were. Partially because you were praying you got literally anyone but Adam, who you desperately wanted to admit he liked Brianna. Partially because, while you didn’t really mind playing, you hadn’t imagined your first kiss being in front of all your friends in a dumb party game. You managed to go several rounds without the bottle landing on you, but eventually it was your turn. Your chest was tight, and you felt like you were holding your breath the entire time the bottle was spinning. You watched intently as it slowed down, eyes widening when it came to a stop in front of Chris. Throughout the circle, there was a collective “oooh” as the two of you looked at each other.

Looking at your best friend, you could see it in his eyes. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” they said, filled with his usual care and kindness. But outside of that, you could see him. You had known Chris forever it felt like, but you had never really looked at him, at least not since puberty. He was…handsome. When did that happen? When did he stop being the round-faced boy from the class next door?

“(Y/N)?” Chris called your name, pulling you out of your head and back into the moment. Everyone was watching you. Just low enough for only you to hear, his hand resting on top of yours, Chris said what his eyes had tried to convey. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

You leaned in. Your lips just barely brushed over his, the taste of cherry coke lingering. Maybe it was you, maybe it was him. You weren’t really sure, but someone leaned in more and deepened the kiss. It became less of a peck, more real. In some other place, back in the circle, you could hear cheering, cooing, silly high school boys glad their friend was kissing a girl who he had, for some time, really liked. You didn’t know that then. All you knew was that Chris was a surprisingly good kisser and that he smelled good.

When you pulled away from each other, under his brown curls you could just barely see that the tops of his ears were red. You looked at him before clearing your throat and turning your attention back to the circle.

“So, who wants to watch a movie?”

*****

More pizza and a couple movies later, it was time for everyone to head home. While you hadn’t talked much after the kiss and had made a bit of a show of sitting on the other side of the room from him, Chris offered to drive you home.

“It’s on the way,” he said. But you knew Chris. Even though you were trying to run away from the conversation, he was ready to dive right into it. You wouldn’t talk about it at the party and, if it didn’t happen before school started, you wouldn’t talk about it all. You knew this, but you got in the car anyway.

You tried to distract him with music and idle conversation about this new series you found on Netflix. But, halfway through the ride, he turned down the radio.

“It’s a really good show. It’s got the one actor from-“

“(Y/N).” Chris’ voice was calm, even. You stopped talking. “We can’t not talk about it.”

“It was just a game…”

“Maybe…but that wasn’t just a kiss.” When you didn’t say anything, Chris said, “Come on, (Y/N). I know you felt that, too.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe it had felt right, perfect even. But, so what? It was just a game…

The car was quiet for a while and finally you were pulling to a stop in front of your house. You wondered how long you could sit there before it was stifling, before one of you finally cracked. Turns out it didn’t take very long.

“I like you.”

When he said it, you had been staring at the clock on the dashboard, watching the minutes tick by. But as the words left his mouth, your head shot up and you turned to look at him.

“What?”

“I really like you. I’m not really sure why-“

Rolling your eyes, you said, “Gee, thanks.”

“That’s not what I mean. I just…We’ve been friends since we were five, and I always thought that was going to be it. We were going to be best friends forever. But sometime last year, I realized that I didn’t want to just be your friend.”

You tried to think of what happened last year that could’ve changed things for him, but there wasn’t anything. But you kind of understood what he meant. You hadn’t seen him as anything other than your best friend until maybe 2 hours ago. Sometimes things just…changed. And that’s what you were afraid of.

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make it weird. But you kissed me.” He said it like he still couldn’t believe it. You realized then that it didn’t matter who had leaned in just a little more. What did matter was that you had leaned in at all. You weren’t one to give into peer pressure and he had given you a way out, but you still leaned in.

Turning so that he was facing you more, Chris smiled. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that. So just…tell me if I have a chance. If you say no, once you get out of the car, we can pretend it never happened.”

Your head had been spinning ever since the kiss. You hadn’t even been able to really focus on the movie that you all had watched, and the distance between the two of you in the front seat of his car felt too close but too far at the same time. You were afraid. Afraid that it would be weird, afraid that you would break up and could never be friends again. But Chris’ smile was comforting. He didn’t look afraid at all. There was no one on the earth aside from your mom that you trusted more than you trusted Chris Bang. So, if he wasn’t afraid, maybe you shouldn’t be either.

2018

“I don’t…think this is going to work.”

You said what you both had been thinking for a while but had been too afraid to admit. There was nothing wrong with your relationship. It was fine and you loved him. You had loved him for the past two years, and that hadn’t changed. What had changed was time. With both of you having gone away for university, there was no time to be together. Chris had been sweet and had tried to talk you into going to school together, but with both of you choosing different degree programs and receiving more scholarships for some schools rather than others, going to the same school wasn’t possible. And while you had tried to make time, get together on the weekends, call and text every day, it just wasn’t working.

You had waited until you were both home because this wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have over the phone. That didn’t feel fair. If it had been someone else, then maybe. But you couldn’t do that to Chris.

He stared at you, eyes tired and a bit sad. He wasn’t going to argue with you about this. Chris knew like you did that, while breaks were nice and comforting, breaks only came every so often. And, while he loved you, it was unfair for you to have to wait for just that when he wanted to give you so much more.

“Yeah…maybe you’re right.”

The two of you sat on his bed for a while, you unsure of what to say and him wanting to hold you but knowing he shouldn’t. You tried to tell him that the two of you could still be friends, but that felt disrespectful for some reason. You both knew it was true, you would still try to be friends, but saying it after a breakup felt like you didn’t mean it. So, you left it alone and sat through a semi awkward dinner with his family, before heading home.

This was exactly what you had been afraid of, and the only person you would’ve wanted to talk to had barely looked at you as you left his house.

November 2019

“And if you could take these down to planning, that’d be great, thanks!” Your boss was out of the office before you could even answer her, dropping a stack of color-coded folders into the small tray on your desk marked “incoming” before booking it towards the door. She did this every Friday. While you were left to finish her assignments, she hit the town with her boyfriend. Jealous didn’t even begin to describe how you felt.

Sighing, you started to organize the folders, making any necessary phone calls or sending out arguably long overdue emails. When you had landed an internship at the local newspaper, you hadn’t expected it to be as taxing as it was. But, honestly, you were grateful for the opportunity. It was a competitive spot and getting it had been even harder than the annoying errands your boss had you run.

Looking at the time, you paused to call your friend Hyunjin. He was also a communications major, and you were supposed to be meeting him and a few other friends for dinner but, given that an hour later you were only halfway through your work, you would have to reschedule.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Hyunjin answered the phone excitedly. In the background you could hear cars passing and the whipping of the wind. You hadn’t managed to catch him before he left home. “Are you on your way?”

“Not exactly,” you said, shifting the phone to rest between your ear and shoulder as you filed away various forms. “I won’t be getting out of here for another hour at least. Tell everyone I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.”

“Do you want me to bring you something? Or you could meet up with us after dinner at karaoke? I would hate for you to miss everything.”

That did sound very tempting. You looked back at the incoming tray. Aside from dropping the folders off at planning, there wasn’t much that couldn’t wait till Monday…

“Actually, yeah, that sounds good. I’ll call you when I leave here.”

As you were hanging up, Hyunjin reminded you to make sure to grab something to eat, and you couldn’t help but laugh. Sometimes it was hard to believe that he was younger than you.

You had met Hyunjin at a department lunch and bonded over the fact that the two of you had somehow managed to wear the same pullover. You had become practically inseparable ever since, even when you had a habit of forgetting about friends during exam season. You appreciated Hyunjin because he was comfortable with just being around you, not necessarily having to go out all the time. Plus, when you got stressed, he was usually the first person to remind you that being a person was also important.

After finishing a few of the more urgent things, you packed up your stuff and started to leave the office, dialing Hyunjin as you waited for the elevator.

“You on your way?”

“Yeah, you said meet at the karaoke, right?”

“Yep! We’ll wait for you outside. Oh! I hope it’s okay that we invited some more people along.”

You told him it was fine, assuming that “more people” meant his roommates Felix and Seungmin. Later you would wish it had just been Felix and Seungmin.

When you got to the karaoke, you were greeted warmly, Hyunjin wrapping you in a hug.

“You made it! We’re just waiting for one more person” he said. Looking down the street, Felix smiled. “Here he comes.”

You had been facing the building, talking to a girl, Maya, about how her semester had been going. Your attention turned at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

“Sorry I’m late!”

Your heart stopped when you saw Chris. It had been years. Strained phone calls and awkward family dinners. Trying to go back to a time before the “I love you”s and make out sessions on the bench in his backyard. Going home for break with mentions of catching up and hanging out without ever following through until finally you just stopped mentioning it, you just stopped calling. He was a little taller, his hair longer and dyed a soft shade of brown but still just as curly as ever.

His jog came to a halt at the sight of you. In the distance, in some space that the two of you weren’t quite a part of, the others were talking about how long they wanted to stay, what songs they were going to sing. Felix saying your name pulled you and Chris back into the space with everyone else.

“That’s right, I don’t think (Y/N) got to meet Chris last time because she was working.”

You wondered how Felix knew Chris. You wondered how the universe had aligned in such a way that you ended up once again in the same friend group. You wondered if you should say something, mention that you already knew each other very well, or at least had at one point. That, at one point, he had meant the world and more to you. Even if you wanted to bring it up, you didn’t get the chance.

Chris smiled at you. “Hey. It’s nice to meet you.”

It felt as if he had reached into your chest and pulled your heart out. You blinked in disbelief but nodded and forced yourself to return his smile. “Uh, yeah…You too.”

With his arm still around your shoulder, Hyunjin began to lead you inside, telling you all about the crazy day he had had. You were listening or, at least, trying to, but you found your eyes wandering towards Chris who was walking in the back of the group with Felix. Your eyes met for a second, his unreadable, before you broke contact. You all were led into one of the larger karaoke rooms, and you allowed yourself to plop onto the couch as people started ordering drinks and snacks. Everyone seemed to be moving so quickly around you, but you were still frozen out on the street, your mind struggling to join your body in the room with everyone else.

“Hey. It’s nice to meet you.”

What had you been expecting? A breakup and over a year of not talking didn’t exactly deserve a warm welcome, but still.

Without waiting for the snacks to arrive, Felix, Seungmin and Hyunjin all jumped into a very enthusiastic rendition of Twice’s Dance the Night Away, dance moves and all. You couldn’t help but laugh as you watched them, Maya sitting beside you playing the tambourine and cheering, you clapping. On the couch opposite of you, Chris was watching you, his eyes shifting from you to Hyunjin and then back.

He wondered if the two of you were dating and, if so, for how long? He wondered if it had been easy for you to get over him, or if your drifting had hurt you nearly as much as it had hurt him? He wondered if there would ever be a right time to explain to your new friends your history, if he would even begin to be able to explain why he had acted like he didn’t know you. He could still see you on the street, wrapped tightly in Hyunjin’s arms, leaning into him and smiling. A smile that faded the second you had seen him.

A few drinks and several songs later, Felix was pushing the mic towards Chris, urging him to sing.

“You’ve been really quiet tonight,” the younger boy commented. “Come on, it’s your turn.”

On the opposite couch, you were jokingly arguing with Hyunjn about who the better singer was, your smile so bright it was practically blinding. The strobe lights that were going around the room were casting a nice hue over your dark skin, making you glow. Had you always been this beautiful? Chris took the mic from Felix and went over to the control panel, scrolling through the songs until he found the one he was looking for.

The room was instantly filled with the calming bass of Frank Ocean’s Thinkin Bout You. Those who didn’t know Chris were left listening in awe as he sang, flowing nicely between the rap parts and falsetto notes. Those who didn’t know about your relationship with Chris didn’t understand why the song, his voice, the look in his eyes all made you have to leave. By the end of the second chorus, you were excusing yourself, rushing out of the room and back outside.

Chris watched as you left, thought about going after you, but Hyunjin beat him to it.

“I’m gonna go check on (Y/N)…” he announced once the song was over and you still hadn’t come back.

“You’re a really good singer,” Maya said. Chris barely noticed that she had slid closer to him on the couch and was leaning into him.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, “Hey, are they dating?”

“Hm?” She followed his eyes towards the door. “(Y/N) and Hyunjin?”

Outside, you were sitting on the pavement, one elbow resting on your knee as you scrolled through twitter. Hyunjin sat down on the ground beside you, handing you a water bottle.

“What’s up with you?” he asked. You took a drink from the bottle, a much-needed switch up from the alcohol you had been drinking inside. You needed to clear you head, and you had hoped that the air would have been enough. But you just couldn’t stop thinking about the way Chris had looked at you. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he could just show up here like this. “By now you’d have gone through half the girl group songs available, but you’ve been really spacey tonight.”

“It’s nothing. I just needed some air…” you lied, careful not to look at him. You couldn’t lie to Hyunjin.

“If this is your anxiety, I’m sorry. I should’ve mentioned that there would be new people. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Hyunjin was sweet, and you really did appreciate him. “It’s…it’s not that. It’s not my anxiety.”

“Then…is it just Chris?” Hyunjin turned his head to try and make eye contact with you. “He’s really not a bad guy. A little cheesy sometimes, but he’s nice. I’m sure if you get to know him-“

“That’s honestly the last thing I want to do.” Hyunjin seemed surprised by your response. You let out a deep breath. “I’m fine, Hyunjin. Let’s just go back inside. It’s been a long week and I just wanna get drunk and have a good time with my friends.”

You stood up and started to head inside, freezing when you noticed Chris standing in the entrance. Hyunjin followed your gaze before looking back at you, his eyes a silent question. Do you want me to stay? You shook your head and pushed him gently back inside, waiting on the curb for whatever it is Chris was going to say.

“You feeling okay?”

Hands in your coat pockets, you couldn’t help but shake your head in disbelief. “You sure seem concerned about someone you met 30 minutes ago.” Your words cut into him and Chris let out a deep breath.

“I deserved that. I just didn’t want to make things awkward for you in front of your boyfriend.”

“My what now?” It took you a minute to realize that he was talking about Hyunjin, the laugh that escaped you catching Chris off guard. “Hyunjin isn’t my boyfriend. He may as well be my little brother.”

“Oh...I…I just thought.”

“That since I was hugging a handsome boy we just had to be dating?” Chris nodded and you sighed. “Listen, I can’t do this right now. I’ve had a terrible week at work and running into my first love wasn’t exactly on my weekend to do list.”

Trying to suppress the smile that was spreading across his face, Chris asked, “I was your first love?”

“If you want to get technical, you were my only love, but I don’t exactly go shouting that from the rooftops.”

“I couldn’t really tell considering how easily you gave up.”

Your grip around your water bottle tightened at his words. “Don’t talk like you know anything about how I feel…felt.” You forced yourself to use the past tense. You weren’t sure what it was that you were feeling, aside from being annoyed that he was doing this on the one day that you were supposed to be relaxing. “I tried. I wanted to make it work more than anything, but it just didn’t. And you’re no less to blame than I am.”

Chris looked offended, like he couldn’t believe that you would try to blame your failed relationship on him.

“When I said we should break up, you didn’t even try to change my mind. You stopped calling just like I stopped calling. This is a two-way street. You can’t just show up and blame me for everything because, at some point, you gave up, too.”

The two of you stood there on the sidewalk in a silence that felt suffocating until finally you started to head back inside.

“Look. I don’t wanna fight with you or drag up old memories.” You were forcing him to look you in the eye. “But we’re gonna have to get along. If not for our own sakes then for Felix, Seungmin, and Hyunjin.”

Chris’ eyes moved across your face, taking you in. You were the same, but you felt so different. If this had been two years ago, he would’ve reached for you. He wanted so badly to hug you, a closeness that he had missed even if he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. But this was now and, not even an hour ago, he had pretended he didn’t know who you were so he could only imagine how long it would be before you could reach that closeness again.

“Yeah…you’re right…”

It would still be a few weeks before you told Hyunjin about Chris. He bugged you about it every now and then after that night, curious about why you didn’t want to hang out with Chris and started asking now more than ever who would be joining for dinner before giving your answer. At first, you brushed it off with a change of topic or a quick distraction, but Hyunjin was relentless and eventually you gave in.

The two of you were sitting in your living room, the TV paused on some drama Maya talked you into watching. Hyunjin just stared at you in shock.

“So, you and Chris grew up together?” You nodded. “And you dated for 4 years?” Another quick nod. “And I’m the only one that knows you two aren’t actually strangers?” One more nod and Hyunjin shifts to stare at the TV, letting out a long “wow”.

“He said he didn’t want to make it weird for everyone, so a fresh start was better than bringing up the past.” You were purposefully leaving out the part where he had thought Hyunjin was your boyfriend. That was not something you wanted to throw out there.

“I mean, I guess it get that. But, what now? Felix and Seungmin have been asking why you never want to hang out anymore, and you can only blame work so much.”

“I know,” you sighed. “I miss them, too. I just need to be ready to see Chris again. I mean, even if you didn’t know what was going on, you felt how tense things were with us that night. There’s a lot we haven’t dealt with.”

Hyunjin moved so that he was directly facing you, looking you in the eyes in a way that made you feel see through. “Do you think you’re ever going to be ready?”

New Year’s Eve 2020

You hadn’t known until Hyunjin gave your hand a reassuring squeeze that you were holding your breath. The two of you were in the elevator, on your way up to the party that Maya was throwing for the new year. As long as you had known her, she was the type to go all out when she planned things, so you weren’t really surprised when she’d dropped off a masquerade mask for you at work earlier in the week.

“What’s this for?” You held the mask gently in your hands, admiring the intricate black and gold lace detailing. Maya smiled at you, her excitement practically spilling out of her.

“For my party! I was looking for decorations and, when I saw it, I just knew I had to get it for you. Now, all you need it a dress and a date!”

You sighed, placing the mask in your lap. “I can get a dress. A date is a lot less likely. You know I’ve been too busy to date.”

Maya groaned. The two of you had already had this conversation a few times, so you were only half listening as she told you how smart and pretty and nice you were and she didn’t understand why you wouldn’t at least try to date.

“Why don’t you just come with Hyunjin? I mean, you two are always together anyway.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘always’…”

“Right. Well, I know a few other people are bringing dates, and I’m bringing Chris, so I just—”

You cut her off. “Wait, you’re bringing who?” You had to be hearing things. She couldn’t mean your Chris. Although, he wasn’t really yours, was he?

“You remember Chris! God, (Y/N), I know you never hang out with us anymore, but you can’t not remember.” Maya started gushing about how cute she thought he was, and you couldn’t breathe. While it didn’t sound as if they were dating, she was definitely interested in Chris. You wondered if you should say something. You wondered if Chris was interested in her, if he would date her without telling her the truth about your past relationship.

“(Y/N), are you listening to me?”

You blinked, pulling yourself out of your thoughts and turned your attention back to your friend. Maya was beautiful with soft features and kind eyes. You smiled at her, willing yourself to think about her happiness and not your…jealousy?

“Yeah, sorry, I just remembered I forgot to prep some things for tomorrow’s meeting.” It wasn’t a complete lie. You still had some paperwork to proofread and copy. “Thanks for the mask, but I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you at the party?”

You started to gather up your bag, the mask, and the last of your lunch so you could head back to your desk. Maya stared after you as you left.

“Yeah…yeah, I’ll see you at the party.”

As the doors to the elevator opened, you were immediately swept up in the atmosphere. Maya had rented a penthouse suite which was jampacked with people. You turned to look at Hyunjin who gave you a small smile before leading you into the mess and towards the bar. Despite the masks, you still found yourself scanning the room for Maya or Chris.

Handing you your drink, Hyunjin nudged you gently. “You okay?”

You held your glass tightly and gave a tightlipped smile. “Mhm. I just, uh, wanna tell Maya how great this party is.” Still only a half lie. Maya was a design major, and it certainly showed. From the decorations, food spread, and music, it was hard to believe she had put this together in such a short amount of time.

“Right…well, do you want to dance until we can find Maya?” He nudged you again, this time playfully, a small gleam in his eyes behind his dark feathered mask. You couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Sure.”

Hyunjin led you out onto the floor and you couldn’t help but laugh at him. The song playing was a slower one, and Hyunjin wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. They skirted over your hips up towards your waist and resting for a very awkward moment on your forearms. You took his hands and moved them back to your waist before resting your arms on his shoulders.

“Don’t be such a dork. You can touch me. I’m not gonna bite you.”

“Sorry,” Hyunjin laughed. “We’ve just never done this before.”

“True, but just relax. Fancy dress aside, I’m still just me.”

“Mind if I cut in?” Dressed in a crisp suit with a deep blue mask, Chris stood behind Hyunjin, who gave you a questioning glance. You nodded and Hyunjin excused himself back to the bar. Chris hesitated for a moment before closing the distance between the two of you, his hands gently resting on hips and the two of you swaying in time to the music.

“Where’s your date?” You asked. It came out more harshly than you intended which instantly made you bite your tongue.

“I told Maya about us.”

“What?”

“She tried to kiss me, and I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Are you and Hyunjin together?”

“I already told you we’re not dating.”

“But would you?”

Your eyes moved from Chris to the bar where you could see Hyunjin obviously try to look like he wasn’t looking at the two of you. Turning back to Chris you said, “No. He’s sweet, and I’m so so glad to know him, but Hyunjin is like a younger brother.”

Chris was silent for moment before saying, “You’ve been avoiding everyone because of me.” You started to deny it, but he didn’t give you a chance to. “(Y/N), we both know it’s true. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to suddenly push everyone out of your life because you don’t want to see me, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking anything from you.”

Part of you was annoyed that he so accurately pieced together everything you had been feeling since that night at karaoke. The rest of you was relieved that you weren’t the one who had to say it.

“We just have to figure out a way to actually be friends,” you mused.

“It shouldn’t be this hard, though, (Y/N).”

You two had managed to dance through two songs, the third bringing in a tempo switch that didn’t exactly allow for a slow dance. Without saying anything, Chris grabbed your hand and led you away from the dance floor, past the bar and to a small corner table. The two of you plopped down, Chris sliding in close, using the loud music as an excuse to be near you.

“Do you really think it would be hard to be friends with me?” You found the question leaving your lips before you could stop it.

“Yes.” He said it with no hesitation, definitely hurting your feelings a bit. “It’s not because there’s anything wrong with you. I just…”

“You just can’t be friends with someone that you’re still in love with.”

The two of you stared at each other for a while, both at a loss for words. Until you leaned in. Your lips just barely brushed over his. Maybe it was you, maybe it was him. You weren’t really sure, but someone leaned in more and deepened the kiss. It became less of a peck, more real, and you were thrown back into that damp summer heat, that cherry flavored first kiss. When you pulled away, your foreheads were pressed together and there had been a shift, something you hadn’t felt since high school.

“What now?” You asked.

Somewhere in the suite, someone started the midnight countdown. As the room erupted in cheers, Chris pulled you in for another kiss.

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids #chris bang #bang chan #bang chan scenarios #kpop imagines #black kpop fans

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beloved-31-proverbs-women · 3 years

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Repost of a really good Teaching 80 Prayer Scripture. 🙏🏼❤️☝🏼

Every child of God is constantly under the attack of the devil and his agents. As believers we cannot afford to be ignorant of the devices of the devil against our lives. Life is a battle ground and only the spiritually weak, ends up as a scape goat. Today we shall be engaging in 80 deliverance prayer from family bondage. This deliverance prayer is a prayer for family. That is we are standing in the gap for our loved ones as we engage this deliverance prayers for their release from bondage. To be in bondage is to held captive by satanic forces. A lot of families today under the captivity of the devil. The devil has held them bound with all manner of evil traps. This deliverance prayer will empower you to break to pieces every evil chains that the devil has used to tie down your family in Jesus name.

Types Of Bondages

Their are different types of bondages, in fact time and space will not permit us to mention all of them. The list is endless, however we are going to be looking at some of the types of spiritual bondages that the devil uses to hold down families captives. Below are types of bondages:

A). Bondage Of Poverty: This is a state where in a family no one succeeds, no matter how hard the trying one makes it to the top in the family. Many families are under this bondage of poverty, the devil has block their progress, such that whatsoever they lay their hands on do not prosper. But today, as you engage this deliverance prayers from family bondage, your family will be delivered in Jesus name.

😎. Bondage Of Unfruitfulness: This is when a family have been plagued with barrenness. This is not the will of God for any family. There are many families today, that are struggling to have children because of the evil works of the devil in their lives. Barrenness is not of God and as you pray this prayer for family today, your family shall be delivered in Jesus name.

C). Bondage Of Sin: This is when sin has taken over your family. There are many families today where you cannot find one saved soul in it. Everyone is just living a sinful life. The devil has blocked their ears and their hearts that they cannot hear the gospel that can save them. Such a family is heading for destruction unless serious deliverance prayers is made on there behalf.

D). Bondage Of Stagnation: This is when the progress of a family comes to a full stop. When all doors becomes closed and no one is making progress anymore. This is another sign that the family needs serious deliverance prayers.

E). Bondage Of Evil Pattern: An evil pattern is a recurrence of evil in a family from generation to generation. That is to say, what your great grand father, suffered, your grand father suffered it, your father suffered it and now you are already seeing the same signs in your life. You must reject it in prayers.

F). Bondage Of Ancestral Curses: These is when the sins of your ancestors brings a curse upon your family. This can be very frustrating because a lot of families are suffering from what they know nothing about. That is why you need to ask questions, find out about your background and no why you are going through what you are going through. Only deliverance prayers an break family curses.

G). Bondage Of Addiction: This is when a family has a history of addiction, either addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or other harmful substances. Thank God for therapies and rehabilitation centers but a deliverance prayer for such a family will destroy that addiction from the roots.

H). Bondage Of Failure: This is when a family is used to failure and always being behind in everything. This is not the will of God, God promised us in Deuteronomy 28:13, that we shall be on top only and never at the bottom.

I). Bondage Of Disappointments: This is when a family is suffering from the affliction of disappointments. Broken promises, broken friendships, and broken relationships. This affliction is also the cause of what is popularly called ” near success syndrome”. Which is failure almost at the edge of success. You must pray yourself and your entire family out of this bondage

J). Bondage Of Slavery: This is when the devil has reduced your entire family members to servants. When you and your family are seen as the least in all things. When people treat you like rags in the society. You must rise up and reject that status. You are not meant to be a slave, but a king. God has ordained you to reign in life and not beg to survive. You must stand in the gap and pray yourself and your entire family out of this evil status. These prayer for family shall bring you lasting deliverance as you engage them in Jesus name.

All these forms of bondages are used by the devil to hold families bound perpetually. But today you are going to take your deliverance by force. You are going to engage this deliverance prayer with every passion and holy anger you have in you. Its time to tell the Devi, ” enough is enough” your family must be set free today. Until you resist the devil, he will never flee away from your family. This deliverance prayer will make your life and entire family too hot for the devil to handle. I recommend that you gather as many of your family members that are available to you and all of you should join together and pray this deliverance prayers.

Remember it is a prayer for family. As you come together and pray this deliverance prayer in agreement, I see God destroying every yoke of bondage in your family in Jesus name. Pray this prayer today with faith, and your Faith shall make you free.

PRAYERS

1. Thou power of God, penetrate my spirit, soul and body, in the name of Jesus.

2. Association of demons, gathered against my progress, roast by the thunder fire of God, in the name of Jesus.

3. Blood of Jesus, redeem me, in the name of Jesus.

4. Every satanic decision, taken against my progress, be nullified, in the name of Jesus.

5. Every evil deposit in my spirit, soul and body, be flushed out by the blood of Jesus, in the name of Jesus.

6. Oh Lord my God, promote me in the spiritual and in the physical, in the name of Jesus.

7. Every stranger in my body (ministry, life and calling), jump out, in the name of Jesus.

8. Any satanic arrow, fired at me, go back, locate and destroy your sender, in the name of Jesus.

9. Holy Ghost, arise and destroy the habitation and works of the wicked in my life (home, finances, ministry), in the name of Jesus.

10. Every serpentine spirit, spitting on my breakthrough, roast, in the name of Jesus.

11. Every enemy of the perfect will of God for my life, die, in the name of Jesus.

12. The anointing of joy and peace, replace heaviness and sorrow in my life, in the name of Jesus.

13. O Lord, let abundance replace lack and insufficiency in my life, in the name of Jesus.

14. Every Pharaoh in my life, destroy yourself, in the name of Jesus.

15. Garment of Pharaoh that is upon my life, be removed by fire, in the name of Jesus.

16. Thou power of impossibility in my destiny, die, in the name of Jesus.

17. Every task master, assigned against me, somersault and die, in the name of Jesus.

18. I refuse to continue eating the crumbs from the task master’s table, in the name of Jesus.

19. Any man or woman, who wouldn’t let me prosper, oh Lord, write his/her obituary, in the name of Jesus.

20. Oh Lord, give me a new inner man, if I have been altered, in the name of Jesus.

21. Oh Lord, activate Your high call on my life, in the name of Jesus.

22. Oh Lord, anoint me to recover the wasted years in every area of my life, in the name of Jesus.

23. Oh Lord, if I have fallen behind in many areas of my life, empower me to recover all lost opportunities and wasted years, in the name of Jesus.

24. Any power, that says I will not go forward, be arrested, in the name of Jesus.

25. Any power, that wants to keep me in want in the midst of plenty, die, in the name of Jesus.

26. Any power, that wants to draw me away from the presence of the Lord to destroy me, die, in the name of Jesus.

27. I will get to my promised inheritance, in the name of Jesus.

28. Any power, that wants me to fulfil my destiny only partially, die, in the name of Jesus.

29. Oh Lord, anoint me with power to destroy all foundational covenants, in the name of Jesus.

30. Oh Lord, use my substance for the furtherance of the gospel, in the name of Jesus.

31. Oh Lord, arise and bless my inheritance, in the name of Jesus.

32. All my stolen virtues, be returned to me, in the name of Jesus.

33. O Lord, let my release bring revival, in the name of Jesus.

34. Oh Lord, reveal all ignorant ways in me by Your Holy Spirit, in the name of Jesus.

35. Today, you my spirit man, you will not bewitch me, in the name of Jesus.

36. Power in the blood of Jesus, redeem my destiny, in the name of Jesus.

37. Every satanic weapon, formed against my destiny, backfire, in the name of Jesus.

38. Arrows of deliverance, locate my destiny, in the name of Jesus

39. Every spiritual cobweb on my destiny, burn, in the name of Jesus.

40. Every serpent in my foundation, swallowing my destiny, die, in the name of Jesus.

41. Every red candle, burning against my destiny, catch fire, in the name of Jesus.

42. Song: “God of deliverance, send down fire . . .” (sing for about 15 minutes clapping your hands).

43. Every lid the enemy has put on my destiny, jump up, die, in the name of Jesus.

44. Every serpent in my blood, die, in the name of Jesus.

45. Every serpent, caging my destiny, die, in the name of Jesus.

46. Every power of darkness, following me about, die, in the name of Jesus.

47. Evil cord of wickedness, sin or iniquity, blocking my communication with heaven and God, be cut off, in the name of Jesus.

48. Every power, spirit or personality, listening to my prayers in order to report them to the demonic world, Father, scatter them, in the name of Jesus.

49. Every authority of darkness upon which wealth and blessings are based, crumble suddenly in one day, in the name of Jesus.

50. Father, expose and destroy the workers of iniquity in Jesus’ name.

51. Father, let the mystery and secret of my fulfilment be revealed, in the name of Jesus.

52. O Lord, let the heaven open, let the anointing speak, let my hidden blessings be revealed and released, in Jesus’ name.

53. Oh Lord, forgive me, where I have judged others out of ignorance and pride, in the name of Jesus.

54. Oh Lord, remove the penalty of judgment upon my life and calling, in the name of Jesus.

55. Oh heavens, fight for me today, in Jesus’ name.

56. Oh Lord, increase me so that Your name may be glorified, in the name of Jesus.

57. Any power, diverting the will of God out of my life, somersault and die, in Jesus’ name.

58. Oh Lord, arise and let every poison in my life be arrested, in Jesus’ name.

59. I declare the obituary of all the opposition powers, attacking my glory and calling, in Jesus’ name.

60. Holy Spirit, activate the will bf God in my life and calling, in the name of Jesus.

61. I decree the will of my enemies against me to backfire, in the name of Jesus.

62. Every plot of the enemy against me, be reversed, in Jesus’ name.

63. I command the confidence of my enemies to be dashed to pieces, in Jesus’ name.

64. Every spiritual manipulation, against my glory and calling, fail, in Jesus’ name.

65. Oh Lord, destroy the personalities of all those who live to destroy my personality, in Jesus’ name.

66. Oh Lord, vindicate my position in this city (company, country, nation, etc.), in Jesus’ name.

67. Oh Lord, reveal to me what You have called me to be in life (in this city, country, company), in Jesus’ name.

68. Every strange god, assigned to attack my destiny, personality, glory or calling, attack your sender, in Jesus’ name.

69. Ark of God, pursue every dragon assigned against me, in Jesus’ name.

70. You hosts of heaven, pursue those who are raging against me, in Jesus’ name.

71. Ark of God, come into my house today to locate and fight the power of the opposition against me, in the name of Jesus.

72. Ark of God, wherever I have been accepted in the past and they are now rejecting me, arise and fight for me, in Jesus’ name.

73. Lion of Judah, devour every opposition, raging against me now, in Jesus’ name.

74. Wherever they have rejected me, let my spirit man be accepted now, in Jesus’ name.

75. I resist and refuse the sale of my glory and calling for a pair of shoes or for silver, in the name of Jesus.

76. Wine of condemnation, drunk against me, become poison for my enemies, in Jesus’ name.

77. Oh Lord, let the mighty among my enemies flee from me naked, in Jesus’ name.

78. Every power of darkness, that has arrested my ministry and calling, release me now, in the name of Jesus.

79. I am coming out of captivity, in the name of the Lord Jesus.

80. Holy Ghost, arise and promote me, in the name of Jesus.

Thank You father for answering my prayers.

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mountphoenixrp · 3 years

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We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

Charlotte Choi, who is known by no other name, a 23 year old daughter of Hecate. She is the singer for HEXED and a clerk at The Lion’s Den.

FC NAME/GROUP: Choi Yuna (Yuju) CHARACTER NAME: Charlotte Choi AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 24, October 31, 1996 PLACE OF BIRTH: Seoul, South Korea OCCUPATION: Singer for Hexed, part-time clerk at The Lion’s Den HEIGHT: 5’7” WEIGHT: 105 lbs DEFINING FEATURES: Spiral burn on her left palm.

PERSONALITY: Charlotte has a very nurturing and maternal personality, brimming with compassion. Growing up taking care of five younger siblings made her very responsible and patient, so she is usually able to keep a clear head even in a crisis. This has also made her very skilled at conflict resolution and negotiation, at least when it comes to children, anyway.

She is the opposite of an impulsive person. She thinks before she acts, she thinks before she speaks. It usually takes her a while to make decisions because she needs to weight all her options. And while she is not necessarily an introvert, she does tend to be rather quiet because she is often distracted with her thoughts- be they about the situation at hand or something more fanciful like an idea for a song.

HISTORY: [TW: abuse, neglect]

Charlotte was born the youngest of a set of fraternal triplets in Seoul, South Korea. Fearing the power of three demigod children of Hecate, their father only kept the oldest daughter, sending Charlotte and Cassandra away shortly after their birth. Charlotte was sent to New York to be adopted under the table by a wealthy couple there. After a few odd incidents, however, the couple decided that they did not want her anymore and discretely passed her on to another family.

From there, the baby was renamed Nina, and she eventually became the eldest in a house of six children adopted by Mary and Samuel Collins. She knew from the moment that she could understand it that she was adopted, that she had been given up at birth- and her adopted parents did not let her forget it, always stressing that she owed them a debt for taking her in when her birth parents hadn’t wanted her.

By the time she entered grade school, the Collins had taken in five other toddlers and infants, which meant that a lot of Nina’s free time was spent doing what she could to help care for her little siblings; waddling around to get the older ones snacks, helping them get dressed, teaching them how to brush their teeth and hair. She did not mind it, though. It was a lot like playing house with dolls, she imagined, and she did not have any dolls. Even at that young age, she had quite the maternal instinct.

As she got older, her responsibility grew, the Collins essentially ignoring their adopted children as much as they could. In between school and various part-time jobs, as well as singing on street corners for tips, she cooked and cleaned and helped her siblings with their homework and sang them lullabies to chase away the monsters in the night.

The only time the Collins seemed to pay her any mind was when something strange happened in the house -a vase shattering without cause, the lock on the fridge opening on its own, the bathtub overflowing even though no one had turned on the water- and Nina was always blamed. Usually, she got away with a hard slap or a shove from Samuel, although some incidents were severe enough to warrant being locked in the hall closet for long stretches of time or properly beat. Even if she did not understand why these strange occurrences were her fault, she took the punishments in stride. At least it was her and not one of the younger children.

At eighteen, she told the Collins that she wanted to leave. It was a hard decision, given that she loved her younger siblings, but she had spent her whole life selflessly caring for them and she felt like she needed to start thinking about her future. She had been busking on the city’s streets and making fairly good money (when she was allowed to keep it), so she figured she could make it on her own. Maybe not in New York, but somewhere. Maybe even in Korea, as an idol. She wanted to be a singer more than anything.

Samuel laughed in her face and hit her so hard that she had a bruise on her cheek for a week.

Later that night, Mary gave her an envelope that had apparently come from her birth parents, on the condition that she stayed to help support the family. Hungry for any knowledge of who she was and where she had come from, Nina agreed. Inside the envelope was just a small bundle of tattered papers that looked like they had been ripped from a book. At first, she was immeasurably disappointed and angry. She did not understand why this was the only thing that her birth parents had decided she would need, and it almost seemed like maybe the Collins were playing a cruel joke on her.

However, the book pages were strange, and they soon drew her curiosity. They were in a language she did not recognize, and yet when she tried to read it the words flowed off her tongue effortlessly. And then all of the faucets in the house suddenly began gushing hot water.

The next day, she murmured some of the words when Samuel yelled at her about the dishes not yet being done, and to her shock a plate flew through the air and narrowly avoided his head. The man immediately flew into a rage, yanking Nina from her chair and taking her over to the stove. He lit one burner, dragging her hand over to it. The second her skin touched the red-hot burner, she released an ear-splitting scream that seemed to daze Samuel for a moment. She took that moment to grab her backpack and run out the door, willing herself to not look back.

And so, she was alone. All she had to her name was her wallet, those book pages, and a copy of Macbeth. So, she decided to give herself a clean slate. She renamed herself Charlotte Choi and used the money she had hidden in the lining of her backpack to buy herself a plane ticket to Berlin. She did not know why she had decided to go there until she arrived and a stranger suddenly approached her on the street. It was her sister. She just knew it as soon as she saw her.

She was surprised to see that her sister, Cassandra, had the same spiral burn on her hand as she did. One that had just appeared the same day that Samuel had burned her. But maybe she shouldn't have been surprised, considering the strange things that had been happening around her lately. Not to mention the strange feeling that had drawn her to Berlin in the first place. It was almost unbelievable, to just find a long-lost sister like this, but it felt like a piece she had been missing for her entire life had clicked into place.

And yet, she still did not feel whole. Something was still missing. Cassie felt it too.

Then, a few weeks later, they just suddenly looked up at each other and both said a single word: Seoul. Whatever they were missing, it was in Seoul. But they wanted to know what they were getting into before they flew across the world, so Charlotte flipped through her spell book pages and said an incantation, gripping Cassie's hand. The spell triggered a vision in both of them, showing them another girl who appeared to be in danger, locked in a basement and injured. 

They were triplets, they realized. And their last sister needed their help.  Going to Seoul and tracking down their long-lost third sibling was surprisingly easy, as was blowing their father's door off its hinges, now that their powers were growing. It took all of Charlotte's strength to keep a clear head and stop Cassandra from killing their father for what he had done to Claire. She was just as angry about the situation, but she knew that more violence would solve nothing. So, instead, they took Claire away to safety. For a while, the triplets were rather nomadic, bouncing between various dwellings as they tried to figure out what they were going to do.

Once the dust had settled, there was only one thing they could think to do… They started a rock band. Hexed, the group was called, and they quickly developed a loyal following in Seoul’s underground rock scene. Over the next few years, they made something of a name for themselves, their music videos getting a fair amount of views and their concerts in clubs often being packed. They even did a few shows in Japan.

However, after finally completing their spell book, they found a message within it about a mysterious island called Mount Phoenix. Charlotte still had an inkling of fear about their father possibly trying to find them again, so she was relieved to have a safe place for her and her sisters to live.

PANTHEON: Greek CHILD OF: Hecate POWERS: Charlotte has the ability to cast a wide variety of spells, using either her personal pocket-sized spell book or the large one that she and her sisters share. Her specialty is psychic spells; as ones that alter a person’s perception of reality, influence someone’s mind, or make objects move on their own. She can also create small amounts of fire, but she mostly uses this ability for stage tricks at concerts.

STRENGTHS:

thinks before she acts

can keep a cool head in a crisis

compassionate

creative

keeps herself very physically fit

WEAKNESSES:

suffers from insomnia

often overthinks things

puts others (especially her sisters) before herself

has trouble saying no and standing up for herself

can stretch herself a little too thin

#kpop rp #krp #gfriend #choi yuna #yuju #mp; welcome

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teacherintransition · 3 years

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The Delicate Balance...

... if all one wants is to retire and be alone, what happens after attainment?

This week, through an intriguing book, I was challenged by what keeps a spirit alive and vibrant... the “mystery of the planned” and the danger of no plan being the end of the story.

I don’t know everything; I know very little; I know nothing... these declarative statements seem to denote three separate conditions of being that are “either, or.” However one sees these statements as separate or statements saying the same thing they must be a call to action for the individual making them. Attainment of these realizations with no further building upon them to follow this self awareness is an ending. A dismal contentment of a state of being with nothing beyond is finality. Is that acquiescence? Certainly, we must acquiesce this truth, but if we do no more than simply realize ... then there is no more; but to acquiesce and to desire more is the quest to know more thus be more and then to live ... vibrantly!

Much of this journey into the changing of my life from what was to what is dare not become a final marking. For the story to go forward, we must be consumed, driven to plan and move forward to what will be. No one way of living exists for all to follow, all of our paths are as unique as stars in the heavens; but putting all your eggs in the basket of “I got it,” is a precarious venture. Throughout this more than year long self discovery of a teacher embarking upon retirement, I’ve made the point numerous times that balance, like in all things, is the key to making this transition work. We have earned rest, respite, freedom from daily occupational stresses; but that cannot be all there is... there must be more to make these years an adventure.

Since, the Covid shutdown of schools in March of 2020, through the retirement decision of August 2020, to the now of April 26th, 2021... I’ve been on a book reading binge to go along with my painting, illustration, hiking, binges. Since March of 2020, I suppose I’ve read 35+ books, a little more than one every two weeks. Some of them are “stinkers,” others exciting and a few, personally challenging. During my weekly Amazon book shopping time, I came across a book that seemed would satiate my European wanderlust at present. An Amazon recommendation came across the homepage of a book written by Hisham Matar titled, A Month in Siena. Matar’s story of his obsession with the Sienese School of Painting from the high Middle Ages and his first visit to the ancient city in the region of Tuscany. His perspective on goals, desires, time has been a “viola” moment for me and hits the nail on the head of what I’ve been trying to write over this year. Matar has misgivings that the realization of this visit could be the end of a passion that has been an unrealized mystery for him. He carries this concern to many levels and different parts of his life where similarities are drawn to this lifelong desire to visit Siena and study paintings. Matar writes:

The historian’s temptation is to capture the uncertain past, to contain and divide it into chapters ... tell the story coherently...of it’s motives and outcomes. And we are, of course, ... the historians of our own lives. The future, on the other hand, provides endless opportunities for our predictions and fantasies. With it, we can indulge our optimism by planning the years ahead, as though time were a carpet one could roll out into the unknown. The past and the future stimulate our imagination [if we aren’t careful] the present overwhelms it.*

This quote at first glance seems to tell us that true exploration takes places everywhere but the now... this immediate moment. Oddly, Matar even remarks the fact that “living in the moment” is part and parcel of our modern language.**

But the present offers no options; it insists on our attention. ...the most casual turn, an innocent encounter—with a person, a book, a painting, a piece of (unexpected) news—or a mere thought passing through one’s head can leave one ever so slightly altered... By comparison, the past is more easily located... and the future...always seems distant. It is the guest who is forever not quite here yet.***

His observation seems to imply that we are perpetually at the mercy of the present... which is truth no doubt. The danger is to not have anything sought for beyond the attainment of now. I’ve retired, I checked off the “bucket list” [I cringe when I hear that term], I went to that ONE place... so that’s it! No, no, no.... that is the coffin closing shut, if there is no desire ... no gleeful apprehension of the mystery to come, then living in the moment is a torturous waiting for the light to fade.

This isn’t a state of mind to be feared only for the person retiring, but for anyone at any stage of life. Shakespeare from his play, “King John” presents a gloomy picture of a life with no passions to pursue, “Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.” Matar’s words are the keys to unlocking a passionate, heady transition to the years of retirement or any stage of life . Even though we know what happens to the best laid plans of mice and men, to cease having a plan .. a dream is far worse. Basically, there must be something... many somethings to live for, if not excitement, vibrancy and even breathing may cease.

Matar elaborates further than that, beyond having a goal that perpetuates the thrill of life that we normally associate with youth and being young:

Desire ...dies the moment it achieves it’s end. What keeps our passion for anyone or anything alive is the promise of attainment. ...there is a contradiction between what desire wants-complete conquest and what it needs in order to continue to exist-mystery the unknowable. In evolutionary terms, failure is the prerequisite, frustration it’s generator.****

We must not limit ourselves at anytime in our lives; to do so puts us at risk at the condition Henry David Thoreau observes, “ The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Thoreau, Matar and other writers and philosophers go even further than just the need to keep numerous fires burning inside; but to have others bear witness to this process. We are social creatures with an innate desire to share, to validate what we hold dear. Matar describes a scene where he and his wife are lying down in a field of grass just outside Rome with her resting her head on his chest. He acknowledges they are looking in the same direction but may never see the same thing. This creates a connection to the world of souls that pass our way and adds to our need to seek out goals that a community of others struggle with in much the same way, but never the same. What we achieve, what we love is validated when shared.

Whatever it is that creates this elusive bond between strangers taking account of one another in a public space was present and, so although we had entered recess, a sort of giant pit like a lit up stage to be suspended to cross it is to take part in the centuries old choreography, one meant to remind all solitary beings that it was neither good nor possible to exist alone*****

The key that I drew forth for me through all of this is that we exist with elation as long as we seek and challenge ourselves and learn when young or retired. The effort is to be made but the forms it takes are infinite ... “Cogito, ergo sum” as Rene Descartes wrote. The seeking and the challenges are made more enriching when shared in the world of souls, who like us, need encouragement and validation. This piece is somewhat different than my other sage fragments of wisdom; but often we can obtain “eureka” for our seeking of purpose by coming into the realization that we all share that personal need and a communal need to bond.

Matar, Hisham; A Month in Siena; Random House/ Penguin Random House Publishing; UK London; 2019

*pg. 40

**IBID.

***IBID. pg. 41

****IBID. pg. 27

*****IBID. pg. 14

http://labibliotecacoffee.com/

https://www.instagram.com/avenue_speak/?hl=en

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gaiapaia · 3 years

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Kermit and Friends: Regulus

This week’s special guest was Aaron Ozee, author of the very popular children’s book Regulus. The book was such a hit that it was made into an animated film, also titled Regulus. You can purchase the book here and rent or buy a digital version of the film here.

Regulus is about a ‘Rat King’ who refuses to share his cheese with the mice he considers beneath him. Unfortunately for the Rat King, he loses his King status and the bully then becomes the bullied.

The book has a very strong anti-bullying message, and Elisa’s first question to Aaron Ozee was about that. Aaron would explain how he was bullied growing up and how it deeply affected him in a bad way, only then to use it as motivation in an effort to help others going through the same kind of bullying he suffered as a kid.

Bullying would be a strong theme throughout the rest of the show. Elisa got bullied for the shirt she wore, she was verbally abused by her fiancé, accused of exploitation by a moron, dogged by multiple KAF Wrap-Up show hosts... I mean, Elisa was catching flack from all angles this week for little to no reason. It was unbelievable and a bit disheartening if you’re like myself and care about Elisa.

Andy Dick is simply out of control. After trying to con Elisa out of $650 earlier in the week, he called her a “Fat whore” among other horrible names at The Grove in front of strangers and children on Saturday. He even got his ‘boyfriend’ Lucas to join in on the harassment. Just an awful situation that no one deserves, especially Elisa who has treated Andy like absolute gold these last couple of months.

Elisa finally seemed fed up with Andy’s abuse, but it wouldn’t last long. After claiming she was done with him, Andy actually appeared on the show just as Elisa was getting ready to end it. He was being nice and I could tell right away that Elisa would let him back in her good graces.

Andy would give a half-assed apology for his actions from the previous day, only then to call Elisa crazy and psychotic, only again to apologize after that. Elisa not only accepted his apologies but then offered to take him out to eat after the show. It seemed like she wanted to shift all the blame on to that Lucas guy, letting Andy completely off the hook.

People who don’t like Elisa will look at this behavior and call her weak, or they will say she’s hanging on to Andy no matter what he does just because he’s famous. The idiots who say that would be very wrong.

Elisa doesn’t have an angle. She’s been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I’m afraid Elisa doesn’t love herself so she’s more attracted to people that treat her like crap. Elisa will turn 33 in June so she’s old enough where this isn’t some wild young woman phase. My theory is subconsciously Elisa believes she deserves the abuse. It could possibly stem from her parents shipping her off to a demonic boarding school where it stuck with Elisa that sort of treatment is what she deserves in this life. She doesn’t deserve it, though. Not at all.

Elisa may not agree with me but I feel I’m right about this because I’m speaking from personal experience. I deal with the same self-loathing issues I believe Elisa has, but it’s easy for me to sit here and say Elisa should start loving herself more than to look in the mirror and tell myself the same. One of the many reasons why I will never look at Elisa in a bad light is because I can relate to the inner-struggle she’s been going through all these years. I just wish there was a way Elisa could see herself in the same spectacular light I see her in.

Elisa talked about these grandiose visions she had of herself and Andy, being featured on the cover of Forbes magazine, creating hit music, starring in movies... the works.

Just think about this... if you’re reading this blog, you already know how talented Elisa is, even if you don’t like her. You know she’s already achieved a level of success that not 1% of the population will achieve in the entertainment industry. So why does she need someone like Andy freakin’ Dick in order to vision herself on the cover of Forbes magazine? Imagine if Elisa set the goal without a man or anyone else’s help by her side... could she do it? I 100% believe she could if she gave it her all. I understand success isn’t anywhere near as fulfilling when you don’t have anyone to share it with, but you should at least strive to share your success with someone who treats you well.

Anyways, I apologize for jumping out of the review to share my personal feelings. I’m not happy with Andy, I’m not happy with that relationship. I want Elisa to have fun and create a show she can be proud of. It’s easier to accomplish that with a wacky outgoing famous guy like Andy Dick, I get that... but at this point, in my opinion, it’s not worth it if this is how Andy is going to treat Elisa.

Elisa is a grown woman though capable of making her own decisions. I will always love Elisa and wish the best for her because I know she has a beautiful heart/soul and her intentions are always good. There’s more I want to say about the situation but I’ll move on.

Back to Aaron Ozee... he gave a fantastic interview. He’s a very positive guy with big goals but also humble and polite. T-Bob tried to ruffle Aaron’s feathers with a couple of asinine questions about Black Lives Matter, and Aaron couldn’t have handled it more eloquently, even winning Trumpster Bob over (no easy feat). I was extremely impressed. On top of that, Aaron was respectful and non-judgmental to every KAF regular he talked to. Just a truly swell guy and I hope to see him more often on the show.

Kermit made a couple of new friends this week. One was Johnny B’s alter ego, Joannie B. Think Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire and that’s Joannie B. Very humorous stuff. A guy in some kind of Star Wars helmet named White Kanye also made his debut on Kermit and Friends. Apparently he’s been in some escapades with Andy Dick and told some stories. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell if he was being truthful.

Chris Christine blessed the show with her presence again. She opened up about the 20 years she spent in the American military and how it led to some traumatic mental anguish. Chris credited an Andy Dick Cameo she received as to why she didn’t commit suicide a couple of years ago. She was incredibly sweet and even offered to pay Andy that $650 I mentioned above. Chris also said a lovely prayer for Elisa and Andy. What a sweet soul Chris is all around, she’s easily one of my new favorites.

Sharmin and Dr. Roy joined us in Miami. They’ve been having a vacation together and they helped Elisa sort through her feelings regarding Andy. It was awesome to see them having fun and looking so happy.

Eric Riggs had another sex video presented on the show, this time involving a pen and his rear end. Eric called in and made Elisa shut off the video before the conclusion. He was fine with last week’s sex tape but I guess this week he felt embarrassed. Eric would later read a poem about some woman named Mindy that owes him money, which also somehow involved Elisa’s vagina and horseradish. One of the weirdest poems I’ve ever heard but hey... that’s Kermit and Friends.

Barry “Boss” Mezey called into the show to accuse Elisa of exploiting Kermit’s friends. Barry fails to realize that Elisa gives a platform to literally anyone who wants to make use of it, and the people who garner the most interest from the audience are the people Elisa will feature the most, just like every other reality show in human existence. Barry’s phone calls could not have been more wrong, shame on him.

Lastly, Elisa sort of snapped this week on a chatter by the name of Nikki. Nikki criticized Elisa’s shirt and then said she could have a more popular show than Kermit and Friends if she tried. I think Elisa had some pent up frustration regarding Andy and sort of it took it out on Nikki, which by my estimation Nikki honestly deserved anyway. I just wish Elisa had that same fire not to put up with Andy’s BS. But Nikki has said some very mean things about Elisa in the past, both on Discord and on other Kermitarian related streams, so it’s not like Elisa attacked some innocent princess who made one bad comment. Nikki can be funny but she’s not a nice person at all, so while I commend Elisa for apologizing and feeling guilty over her words to Nikki... sometimes the bully gets bullied just like in Regulus.

The show ended with Elisa playing yet another tremendously creative music video from her talented co-host, Sugar. Overall it was a good show. The interview with Aaron was very professional and well done, and the Andy stuff I’m certain was entertaining for most people. KAF continues to deliver every week, just as I’m sure it will next week. 'Til then, I sincerely thank everyone for reading and I hope you all have a superb week... well, unless your name is Andy Dick, in which case you deserve a very bad week with another bite to the face from my main man Fozzie.

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