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older-brother-kit · 3 years

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The Sibling Matchmakers Club ch. 5

It’s been quite a while (sorry about that, there were things irl that were happening) but I’m back with chapter 5! Here’s the link for the chapter on ao3, and the link for chapter 1 on both tumblr and on ao3. Please let me know what you think on a reblog or a comment!! <3

Chapter 5: Together Once Again

Tessa Gray couldn’t stop smiling. James was finally coming back after what felt like forever, even though in reality it had been around a month. Tessa was sitting at the gate James would soon be walking out of, and she couldn’t keep her eyes off the doors. She’d never gone so long without seeing her son before.

James wasn’t the only one she’d gone a long time without seeing. Tessa used to try not to think about it because she’d tear up every time, but James actually wasn’t her only child. A long time ago, there had been three: James, Lucie, and Mina. When James and Lucie were 3 and Mina was almost 2, Tessa had gotten divorced and the children had all been split up. They had agreed not to tell the kids about each other and just raise them separately, thinking it was the best option.

Tessa regretted it immediately after signing the paperwork.

She thought about Lucie and Mina all the time. Her daughters, her precious daughters. What were they like now? Lucie used to be such a curious baby, always pointing out new things and trying to fit everything she could into her mouth. Mina used to constantly smile and giggle, and she loved grabbing her older siblings’ fingers. Every time they called her Mommy or Mama, Tessa’s heart would burst with happiness.

She would never get to hear them call her Mom again. It was a rough thing to remember, and Tessa’s smile slowly faded. She wouldn’t even know how to contact their fathers now, after the messy break up they’d had. If she could go back in time and change it she would, but it was far too late. I hope they’re happy and healthy, wherever they are. It wasn’t her first time wishing for such a thing.

Her train of thought was put on hold when people started to walk out of the door after getting off the plane, and Tessa shot up from her seat. She carefully looked through the growing crowd, searching for a young boy with curly hair. “James,” she called out when she couldn’t find him. “Jamie?”

“Mom?” a voice said, and Tessa turned around.

She felt her heart stop in her chest. There was a young girl who looked to be the same age as James, with wavy brown hair and light blue eyes. Blue eyes, Tessa thought. Will’s eyes. A girl with Will’s blue eyes and Tessa’s own brown hair just called her Mom.

“Mom?” the girl said again, looking up at her with a tight grip on her suitcase. “I’m-”

“Lucie?” Tessa whispered. There was only one person it could possibly be. “Is that you?”

The girl’s eyes widened. “Yes,” she breathed. “I’m Lucie, Lucie Herondale.” She raised a shaky hand towards Tessa. “Can I-”

Tessa moved quicker than she ever had before, wrapping her daughter up in a tight hug. “Lucie, I’ve missed you,” Tessa said, unable to stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she was holding the daughter she hadn’t seen in nine years. “It’s been so long. I’m sorry, we never should’ve been separated.”

“Mom,” Lucie cried, and Tessa could feel the girl’s tears on her shirt. “I’ve always wanted to meet you.”

“I thought about you all the time,” Tessa admitted softly. “You and… Hold on.” She paused and carefully stepped away from Lucie, confused. “How did this happen? Where’s James? How much do you know?”

Lucie wiped at her eyes and smiled. “James and I met at camp. Mina, too.”

“Mina?” Tessa gasped, feeling the tears coming back. “My Mina? Is she alright?”

“She is.” Lucie said, nodding enthusiastically. “She’s really nice and I’m happy we found out we’re sisters. James is really cool too, even if we didn’t get along at first. I can’t believe I have a twin!”

“I’m glad,” Tessa said, before hugging her daughter once more. “I’m so glad you’re all healthy and happy. I have no idea how you three ended up at the same camp and figured this out. I especially have no idea how you managed to switch flights,” Lucie gulped at that, “but I love you and I’m so happy to see you again.”

Lucie nodded into Tessa’s shirt. “Papa is great, but I’m happy that I have a mom and another dad. I’ve always wondered about you.”

Tessa clung to her daughter tighter. “I think about you all the time. I’ve always hoped you and Will were doing okay.”

She couldn’t believe this was happening. Tessa had been thinking about her other two children earlier, but she never would have guessed that one of them would show up. She missed James, and she desperately wanted to see Mina again now too. If she could see all of them in a room together, laughing and smiling, Tessa would be the happiest mother in the entire world.

She was looking forward to it.

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Will Herondale couldn’t sit still, so he was standing. Not that he could stand still either.

He was so excited to see Lucie that he couldn’t stop bouncing on the balls of his feet. Before, he’d been pacing around the gate entrance and checking his phone for the time every five minutes. The passengers were all coming out now, and Will was scanning the crowd to look for his daughter.

“Lucie!” Will yelled out, smiling at the thought of seeing his daughter again.

“Hello,” a soft voice said from behind him, and Will turned around to see a young girl who must’ve been a little younger than Lucie. She had black hair put up in two pigtails, and dark brown eyes. “Are you Will Herondale?”

“Yes,” Will answered slowly. “Who-” Will stopped after getting another good look at her face. No… There was no way it could be her. Yet at the same time, the girl looked an awful lot like Jem Carstairs and Tessa Gray.

“I don’t know if you remember me or not,” the girl started shyly, “But I’m Mina, Mina Carstairs.”

Will couldn’t look away. “Mina,” he whispered. “How could I ever forget you?” He quickly bent down and wrapped his daughter up in a bone-crushing hug. “Mina,” he said again into her hair. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

Mina hugged back just as tight. “Is it okay if I call you Papa like Lucie does?” she asked softly.

Will laughed, and took that moment to rub the tears from his eyes. He would admit to crying --he’d missed Mina dearly. “Of course you can,” he said. “That’s what you did when you were a baby. We’re not biologically related, but you’re still my daughter too. That’s how we always planned on raising you and the others.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence where neither of them let go of each other, but eventually Mina separated them. “James is with Dad,” she told him, smiling. “And Lucie is with Mom.”

“I wondered,” Will said, and laughed again. “I have no idea how all this happened, but if anyone could pull this off it would be you three. I’m guessing you met at camp?”

Mina nodded. “Lucie was my roommate,” she stated, then paused. “James and I met in the cafeteria on the first day, but, well.” Mina smiled, a hint of mischief in her eyes. She had Jem’s eyes but Tessa’s smile, and it made Will’s heart ache. “We sort of got into a prank war. I may or may not have started it.”

“Oh?” Will asked, delighted. “Truly a girl after my own heart. You must take after me; I was undefeated at prank wars, back in the day.”

Mina took his hand, and he grabbed her suitcase with the hand not occupied. Together, they started walking out of the gate area. “My brother taught me a lot of pranks, you’d love him.” Mina said, swinging their hands slightly.

Will snapped his head to her direction. “James?” he beamed. “How is he, is he doing well?” He had raised Lucie and reunited with Mina, but Will hadn’t seen James in a very long time. Will had often thought about James and Mina and wondered how they were doing. He’d missed them both very much, and couldn’t believe he was seeing Lucie again after so long. It was a huge relief that his other children seemed to be doing well.

Mina’s eyes widened. “Oh. I guess you wouldn’t know.”

After hearing her words, Will felt like someone had doused him in ice cold water. His heart beat faster as he imagined a thousand different things that could have possibly happened to his son, all bad. “Is he okay?” he asked, trying to keep calm.

“No, not like that!” Mina waved her arm frantically, as if to wipe away the scared look that must��ve shown on Will’s face. “It’s just that, James isn’t my only brother. I was actually talking about my older brother, Kit.”

Will frowned. “Older brother?” he asked. It would’ve made sense if Mina had said younger brother, since Jem could have always gotten together with someone else after the divorce and had another child. Will ignored the pain his heart felt when imagining Jem with someone else. A child older than Mina wouldn’t make sense however, since Jem hadn’t been with anyone before Will and Tessa. They had been Jem’s first relationship. First and only, Will’s mind reminded him. It was supposed to be first and only. It was supposed to be forever.

“Kit is adopted,” Mina clarified, and Will let out a sigh of relief. Not that he was relieved Jem hadn’t married and had a child with someone else or anything. If Jem married someone else, it wouldn’t be any of my business, Will told himself. “Dad knew Kit’s mom a long time ago, and when Kit’s parents died Dad took him in even though he had never even met Kit before.”

“That makes sense,” Will murmured, smiling. “Jem would do that. He’s always been the kindest person I’ve ever known.”

“He always wants to help people,” Mina agreed, giving him a quick look that he couldn’t interpret.

The two of them eventually made their way out of the airport, but Will couldn’t stop thinking of his past loves and their children. Lucie was with her mother and James was with his other father, but the three of them would have to be switched back. Will would finally see his family all in one room and complete again, after all those years. Thinking about it made him anxious and excited at the same time.

He couldn’t wait.

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Jem Carstairs held back a laugh, knowing that if he did laugh then Kit would be offended. They were currently waiting in the airport for Mina to get off her flight, and Kit wouldn’t stop tapping his feet or messing with his hands. Jem himself wasn’t as fidgety, but he did miss his daughter and couldn’t wait to see her. He knew Kit would be too embarrassed to directly tell Mina that he missed her, but his nervous ticks while waiting for her gave him away. It always amused Jem, when Kit tried to hide the feelings that were so obviously exposed by his actions.

“Oh, they’re coming!” Kit exclaimed, pointing to the now open doors where people were rushing into the airport after getting off the plane. Both Jem and Kit quickly stood up and started looking for Mina.

A lot had happened since Mina had left for camp. One of Jem’s coworkers retired, and Jem had to pick up a lot more patients than usual when the hospital had trouble replacing him. He’d been busy throughout the time Mina had been gone, as they’d only found a good replacement a few days back. So Jem had spent more time at the hospital, though of course he went home and spent almost all of the time he wasn’t working with Kit.

There had also been a new, unexpected development: Jem now had a girlfriend, Zara Dearborn. Zara was hired as a nurse a couple months ago, and they’d often work together. She was a smart woman with great wit, and she was always so kind to her patients and to him. When Zara asked him out, he couldn’t say no. He had finally felt comfortable introducing her to Kit and having her over at the house in the past few weeks, and Kit seemed to have a neutral opinion on her. Jem had hoped for a more positive reaction, but he knew that if Zara and Kit just spent more time together, they’d grow to like each other.

Jem hadn’t told Mina about Zara yet. He figured that it would be best to talk to his daughter about his girlfriend in person, rather than over the phone. Today was a family day that Jem wanted to spend with his children only, but he would introduce them soon. He hoped that Mina and Zara would get along. As much as he liked Zara --and he did, so much that recently he was considering getting an engagement ring-- his children would always matter more to him, and that was final.

“Excuse me,” a voice said, and a young boy walked up to them. He had curly black hair, gray eyes that looked almost gold in the light, and looked to be a little older than Mina. “Are you the Carstairs family?”

Jem recognized him instantly.

“Yeah,” Kit answered, raising an eyebrow. “Do you know us?”

“James,” Jem breathed out, barely believing what was right in front of his eyes. “Jamie. Is that you?”

Kit looked between them, alarmed. “Uh, I’m not sure what I’m missing here and why both of you suddenly look like you're going to cry, but an explanation would be nice.”

“Dad,” James called with a shaky voice, and he stepped forward. Jem stepped closer as well, and in no time at all he was holding the son he hadn’t seen in so long. He could barely believe this was happening.

It had been many years since Jem had last seen his other son, and James had grown up to look a lot like Will Herondale with Tessa Gray’s eyes. Jem couldn’t help but love him more than ever before. He had no idea how James was here instead of Mina or how they’d figured out the truth in the first place, but Jem wasn’t complaining. He missed Mina, but it felt like a lifetime since he’d last seen James. Jem thought of Lucie, and if she was also involved in this somehow. He hadn’t seen Lucie in just as long, and he missed his other daughter.

James slowly let go of him, bringing his head up from where it had been buried in his dad’s shirt. His hands were trembling. “I didn’t know if you remembered me or not,” he whispered, wiping at his eyes.

Jem crouched down so that they were eye level, resting a hand on his son’s shoulder. “I would never forget you,” he told him honestly, his eyes tearing up. After all these years, he still thought of James and Lucie often. It wasn’t possible for him to forget and stop missing his own children. “And I never stopped loving you, either.”

James looked like he was going to cry again, but instead pulled Jem in for another hug. Looking over his shoulder, Jem locked eyes with Kit, who was looking back at him with wide eyes.

“Dad,” Kit said, the bewilderment clear in his voice. “Did you have a secret kid or something? Though if he’s named after you it couldn’t have been secret.” He paused, thinking out loud at this point. “I mean I guess James is a common enough name, it could be coincidence. He is your son, right? I’m assuming because he called you dad which didn’t seem to surprise you, and you seem to know him, but if this is just some huge misunderstanding-”

“Kit,” Jem interrupted, amused. He and James let go of each other, and Jem stood up straight. “He’s my son. Mina’s other parents and I, we had two other children aside from Mina.”

“The three of us met at camp,” James explained, looking happy to clear things up. “We figured out we were all siblings and switched flights. Lucie is with Mom in New York, and Mina is with Papa in London.”

“Switched flights?” Jem asked, surprised. “How did you manage that?”

“You’re better off not knowing.” James said after a slight pause, and avoided eye contact. Jem raised an eyebrow but didn’t ask any other questions on the topic.

“Huh,” Kit said.

“Lucie,” Jem said. “It’s been so long. How is she, is she doing okay? Are you doing okay?” Jem was desperate to know that his other children were alright, that they grew up happy and healthy.

“I’m good! And Lucie, she’s good too. She’s very…” James hesitated, likely searching for a good descriptor. “Excitable.” He said the word slowly, as if it was a word from a book that he’d read but never actually said out loud before.

Jem laughed. “She sounds like Will at that age.”

Kit blinked. “Will?”

“Will Herondale and Tessa Gray, Mina’s other parents,” Jem replied, answering the unasked question. “They’re also the other parents of James here, and Lucie who you’ve yet to meet.”

“What happens now?” Kit asked. “We have to get everyone back together eventually, right?”

Jem wondered how that meeting would go. He hadn’t seen Will and Tessa in so long, but he had never forgotten them. There were many years when Jem thought that he’d never be able to fall in love with anyone else. Zara wasn’t the first person to ask him out, but Jem had always said no before. No relationship could ever compare to what he’d once had, and it took a while for Jem to realize that that was okay. When Zara had asked him out on a date, Jem decided to say yes, and he didn’t regret it. He really did love Zara, and they were happy, but he couldn’t help but wonder if old feelings would resurface if he saw Will and Tessa again. He decided to save those thoughts for later.

There were James, Mina, and Lucie to think about. They would all have to meet up to switch back eventually, but Jem liked to focus on the part where he’d be able to see all of his children, including Kit, together. He’d missed James so much, he wanted to see Mina after being separated, and he ached to see Lucie again. The idea of all three of his younger children interacting with Kit also made him happy.

Jem preferred to focus on the positive side of things, and he couldn’t wait to see all of his children happy and together.

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It’s been so long that this tag list might not be accurate and people probably changed their usernames, so let me know if you’re name isn’t here and you wanted to be added to the list!

Tag List: @julieandthefandoms @zfoxdraws @thomaslightwood @thechangeling @livia-dovehallow @themostawesomehuman @hands-dripping-ink @panicatwallmaria @immortal-enemies @bookishgeekygirl @lightlady599 @biablackthorn @haleylightwood @celias @honorablescythecurie

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luminary-lady · 4 years

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A Note on Female-Led, Male-Centered Fandoms

Why your negative emotions about your fave and their potential love interest aren’t as unique as you think

I’m what might be considered an “old person” in fandom circles. Granted, I don’t think I’m that old, but I’m old enough to have been in many different fandoms for years at a time. I’ve learned a lot of lessons through my participation in these spaces, and one thing always strikes me about female-led fandoms that center around male public figures: No matter how different their subjects of affection are, they fall into the same patterns. One of the most consistent patterns is how they react when their “fave” is romantically connected to a woman.

Recently, I read some Tumblr blogs focused on a famous man who was linked with a woman who most would consider less famous. They may or may not be dating in some capacity, but there are a lot of different people in fandom invested in finding out. Because celebrities don’t put every moment of their lives online, fans conduct research into their preferred hypothesis by analyzing social media likes, follows, and comments. They study the backgrounds of pictures to determine the subjects’ whereabouts. The more zealous members of fandom try to solicit details from people in the subjects’ vicinity, including their friends, family, and coworkers.

In the midst of all this research, the fandom divides itself into camps. One camp is metaphorical Switzerland, at least publicly: “Let’s just focus on his work, guys. Respect his privacy.” A second camp hopes that their fave is dating the woman in question, and they hunt for clues that corroborate their shipping desires. Yet another camp does not want their fave to be dating this woman. They consistently remind themselves and other fans of all the clues that point toward the “not dating” hypothesis, and when clues arise that could be interpreted as disrupting this theory, they go on the offense.

They start with the woman first. The Instagram story she posted of an everyday object could be traced back to him in some way, so of course she is baiting the fandom and looking for attention. So thirsty. She liked one of his posts. God, how pathetic. She said or did something wrong or shady in the past and did not address it or apologize. It’s not just her actions that get the side-eye; as a person she is irredeemably problematic.

Unfortunately for them, the all-important clues are not one-sided. Sometimes he interacts with her. To the final camp of the fandom, this means he must be dissected as well. This presents a dilemma, however. They can’t label him thirsty. No, no. That would mean admitting that he wants to be tied to this awful woman, that he is a willing and equal participant in their interactions. If they go down that road, they’d be forced to face an even worse possibility: what if he likes her? What if he would consider dating her or *gulp* already is?

So, it’s time to dust off their degree in Diagnosing Strangers’ True Desires and Psychological State via the Internet. He is a playboy who will never actually get married, and probably is just using her (and a bunch of other woman) for gratification. He is a feckless, manipulatable fool who likes to act smart and intellectual, but is actually too dumb to see how she is using him. He is a bottomless pit of ego who gets off on women publicizing themselves through him.

In short, he is the absolute worst, and must be protected at all costs. Or, if they’re feeling too angry to be protective, he must be “called out” and “held accountable for his actions.” These actions may include, but are not limited to: remaining silent about the woman’s problematic nature, liking her posts, being seen or photographed with her, interacting online with any other attractive women, and pursuing other women IRL (ok, so, he might not have actually done that, but Enty/Deuxmoi/a random anonymous Instagram said he did). Anyone who disagrees with their conclusions is a delusional stan.

I’m talking about the Chris Evans fandom, right? No, wait, the Sebastian Stan fandom. No, hold on, the Tom Hiddleston fandom. Or another fandom, or another one.

The (overwhelmingly) female participants of each of these fandoms will swear up and down that they are not part of this larger pattern. Yes, they acknowledge, there can be misogyny in certain fandom spaces - the way Reddit treats Brie Larson is just awful! But their motivations are different. This woman actually is problematic. She is thirsty. She is cringeworthy. That’s just reality. Therefore, their vitriol is justified. Besides, they been fangirling their fave a long time. They’ve seen his tendencies over the years. They know who he really is based on the information they meticulously collected. 2 + 2 = 4, they say. Can’t you see it?!

Yes, I can see it. And by “it” I mean the utterly predictable, utterly boring conversations that will play out across fandoms, blogs, and anonymous asks until Tumblr finally tumbles into the ocean. I’m not delusional enough to think that this rant will open anyone’s eyes, or change their behavior. I’m just exhausted, and tired of the repetitive drama. So I’m calling all of you out.

Ideally, you would self-reflect. Dedicate time to other, more productive pursuits. Though if past experience is any indication, you will either jump ship entirely, or continue to obsessively blog about your no-longer fave while periodically venting your simmering disappointment and resentment. To each their own. Just please don’t ever think your “insights” are unique or based on reason. They were said before you, and they will be said after you. When it comes to fandom misogyny, the men are inconsequential, the women interchangeable. Insecure fangirls always follow the same playbook.

#tom hiddleston #chris evans #sebastian stan #fandom #marvel

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bills-pokedex · 3 years

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Worldbuilding Month: Day 3

{According to my outline, today was supposed to be “explain to the audience that culture is not erased but rather embraced; it just happens to coexist alongside Common and other international efforts for unity and peace,” but because yesterday’s post was so in-depth, fuck it, we’re talking about gay stuff.

Putting this behind a cut because the intro is long and the meat of the post is longer, and also, I’m one of those people who say the word “queer” a lot and would prefer to have this up as a warning so I don’t have to explain to folks why it’s okay and why the “queer is a slur” thing is TERF rhetoric.

Because Pokémon is a children’s franchise from a country that’s somehow more conservative about LGBT+ issues than the United States, it should come as no surprise that there’s very little explicit queer rep in canon, and anything that could conceivably connected to the LGBT community is either: A) actually fanon, or B) treated as a joke. (See any time crossdressing is brought up for the latter.)

It should also come as no surprise that I like to ignore this. Or, rather, I like to briefly touch on it now and then because I like the idea of using media to discuss topics of real-world importance, so the short answer about whether or not homophobia/transphobia/etc is dead is “legally, yes; culturally ... eeeeeeeeeeh.” As in, no one’s outlawed being queer. Gay marriage is legal everywhere. No government, national or otherwise, cares that you’re gay. Resources are not that difficult to find if you’re new to this and trying to figure things out, and the trainer community is very, very queer and very, very prone to having older trainers mentor younger ones so they can figure things out for themselves. (For the latter, the entire point of training according to trainers themselves is to go out, find themselves, and change their lives out there, so even if the rest of the world was just like it is IRL, honestly, training would probably be a lot like Tumblr, only with fewer TERFs and a lot more walking.)

On the other hand, there’s still a lot of tension. The entire idea of world unity and openness is still a pretty new thing, so older generations aren’t as accepting of queer people as the younger generations and various governments themselves are. There’s not really any violence, exactly, but it’s not exactly unusual for someone to have a parent who believes their lesbian daughters just need to meet the right person or a grandparent who’s just casually transphobic. The point is Bill’s world is definitely a utopia compared to ours, but it’s not perfect. Yet.

When it comes to culture beyond the old-fashioned folks out there, queer people are pretty well-accepted. There’s no push for having queer people in certain roles because on a greater scale, discrimination doesn’t exist. To that end, a lot of the characters you’re familiar with may be queerer than you think.

Which means I’m about to get into a List, but first, a couple of side notes:

1. The canon pokémon professors are largely ace, straight, or lowkey bi. Professor Juniper is definitely a lesbian, and Sycamore is pan, but the majority of the others are currently cis dudes in marriages with cis women, cis dudes who were once married to cis women, or Professor Magnolia (who’s aro). The point here is that most of the canon pokémon professors are at least attracted to a gender other than their own.

2. Giovanni is a painfully straight dilf, but the other evil team leaders are some form of queer. For example, Maxie is gay af, Archie is pan and in a poly relationship with his own executives, Cyrus is aroace, Ghetsis is sexually attracted to taking over the world (and himself), Lysandre is very gay and lowkey pining for Sycamore, Guzma is bi, Lusamine is also painfully straight, and Rose is pan but pretends to not be interested for the sake of the media.

3. All of the pokémon storage system administrators are queer with the exception of Amanita, who’s eight years old and therefore we are not going to fucking talk about what she wants right now. Granted, this is largely due to Bill’s habit of adopting every underdog he can find and turning them into administrators, and it just so happens that society’s most offbeat characters might be a little bit queer, generally speaking. I’ve gotten into which flavors of queer in previous posts, but I might bring it up again in a resource post of its own this month if people are interested.

4. Ash Ketchum is perpetually ten, so like Amanita, we’re not gonna talk about what he wants. He is, however, absolutely questioning his gender. (Red, who’s a separate character from Ash, will be mentioned below. Likewise for Blue, who’s separate from Gary. Alls I can say is Professor Oak had really bad luck with children and just so happens to have three orphaned grandchildren.)

That leaves the gym leaders, trial captains, kahunas, Frontier brains, and the Elite Four gauntlets/Champions, which are as follows:

KANTO

Brock is bi but doesn’t realize it.

Misty is painfully straight.

Lt. Surge is painfully straight.

Erika is trans and a lesbian. She may or may not be pining for Sabrina. (Related note: She’s the daughter of one of the kimono girls from the same troupe as Bill’s mother. I bring this up because of the whole technically canon point that only girls can learn the dances to summon Ho-oh and Lugia, which means Erika was taught these once she came out.)

Koga is ace but heteromantic.

Janine is a lesbian though. Koga doesn’t know, and Janine, knowing her father is super-traditional, has no intention of telling him, so she’s 100% in the closet.

Sabrina is ace but questioning her romantic orientation, and probably the only thing that gets her really flustered is the entire concept of romance (which is to say, Erika).

Blaine is gay.

Blue is very gay.

Lorelei is aroace.

Bruno is straight.

Agatha is straight and also salty over a failed relationship with Professor Oak. (Blue’s father is her son, by the way, but not Gary’s.)

Lance is gay af.

Red is pan and perpetually confused by Blue.

Trace does not exist idek what you’re talking about.

JOHTO

Falkner is bi.

Bugsy is aroace.

Whitney is a lesbian who likes to pretend she’s bi so no one questions why her gym is full of pretty girls only.

Morty is gay and publicly in a relationship with Eusine. (Or, at least, people know he’s in a relationship, but the media just refers to Eusine as “a local pokémon collector” and nothing more.)

Chuck is bi and happily married to his wife, thanks very much.

Jasmine is trans and aroace. (I like to pretend Special didn’t happen.)

Pryce is aroace.

Clair is probably the gayest gym leader you’ll come across. Yes, I’m including Kalos here.

Will is gay.

Karen is not only gay but also has been elevated to gay icon by the media. She is the sort of gay baby gays look up to and hope to be one day.

HOENN

Roxanne is trans but straight.

Brawly is bi.

Wattson is shockingly (no pun intended) straight and happily married.

Flannery is gay. She’s not as gay as Clair, but she comes very, very close. She’s also post-op trans.

Norman is aroace, and we won’t get into what that means for his marriage.

Winona doesn’t care for labels. (She’s nonbinary but goes by she/her and she’s pansexual.)

Liza and Tate are, like, eight, so we’re not getting into this either.

I take my comments about Clair back. She’s the most lesbian gym leader. The gayest gym leader, hands down, is Wallace. As an unrelated side point, he's not in a relationship with Steven Stone, contrary to popular belief.

Juan is Wallace’s gay mentor, but because he came from an older generation, his queerness is kinda toned down by comparison.

The entire Hoenn Elite Four is aroace. All of them. Glacia is trans.

Steven Stone is also ace, but he’s panromantic. He’s currently in a relationship with adventure.

SINNOH

Roark is gay.

Gardenia is gay. And trans.

Maylene is bi.

Crasher Wake? Gay.

Fantina? Gay.

Byron? Bi and married to a cis woman.

Candice? Gay.

Volkner? Very gay. Not dating Flint, weirdly enough. Yet.

Sinnoh is famous for having an extremely gay lineup, in other words. It’s a meme among the pokémon training queer community that one day, everyone will just move to Sinnoh and be ridiculously gay in the snow.

The Elite Four, however, is three-out-of-four gay, with Aaron, Flint, and Lucian being the gay ones here. Bertha is not gay but rather aroace and also trans.

Cynthia isn’t gay, contrary to popular belief, but she is in a wlw relationship. She’s actually pan, and her partner is Diantha.

UNOVA

Cilan is straight. Chili is ace. Cress is gay.

Lenora is bi and extremely happily married.

Burgh is aroace and nonbinary. (Pronouns are they/them or he/him.)

Elesa is ace but doesn’t quite know where she is romantically speaking.

Clay is extremely straight and furthermore one of those old-fashioned people I was talking about earlier.

Skyla is a very proud lesbian.

Brycen is gay and in the closet because he’s afraid Unovan tabloids would have a field day with that.

Drayden is gay, but Iris is pan.

Cheren is gay but too uptight to admit it.

Roxie is bi and also poly, incidentally.

Marlon is bi.

Shauntal is gay. She has a crush on Caitlin.

Marshal is gay.

No one really knows which way Grimsley goes, and he seems to delight in not telling anyone. (He’s bi.)

Caitlin is a very tired trans woman who’s also bi.

KALOS

You would think Kalos would be gayer than Sinnoh, but actually no. A lot of them are actually straight, bi, or simply ace.

Viola, Ramos, and Wulfric are all the “we’re just cis and straight” crowd.

Grant, Korrina, Clemont, and Valerie are all ace.

Valerie is homoromantic, though.

Olympia is bi and also post-op trans.

Malva is straight and once had an unfortunate thing for Lysandre.

Wikstrom is straight.

Siebold is shockingly straight, to the surprise of literally everyone before he’d clarified this point.

Drasna is gay ... which is also to the surprise of literally everyone, who all thought she was straight.

Diantha is openly gay, but her relationship with Cynthia isn’t public knowledge. She leans into the gay identity to be a lesbian icon for younger queer kids, but she’ll still accept roles for straight characters (even ones in romance movies) because she wants to also show off her range as an actress.

ALOLA

Ilima is gay and trans.

Lana is eight and what is this.

Kiawe is bi.

Mallow is also gay and trans.

Sophocles is aroace.

Acerola is surprisingly not ace but rather just simply straight. I have this headcanon because I refuse to make a pun out of her name.

Mina is pan af.

Hala is straight.

Olivia is very, very straight.

Nanu is too tired to care. (At one point, he was bi, though.)

Hapu is a baby gay.

Kahili is an awkward af gay.

Molayne is not only gay, but he’s also the storage system admins’ wise gay uncle, who possesses the only brain cell among the storage system admins’ gay community. He’s also nonbinary (they/them or he/him), but he’s honestly extremely chill about pronouns.

GALAR

Galar is basically the Sinnoh for bi people, ngl.

Milo is bi.

Nessa is bi.

Kabu is bi.

Bea is bi.

Allister is eight years old and what is this. (Probably ace, though.)

Opal is actually pretty straight. She was once in a relationship with Mustard.

By contrast, Bede is very gay. And also trans.

Gordie? Bi.

Melony? Bi.

Piers? Very bi.

Marnie is bi but kinda denies it.

Raihan is extremely gay and for some reason thinks the other Galarian gym leaders are gay too.

Klara is bi.

Avery is bi.

Leon is bi.

Mustard is straight and once had a relationship with Opal but is currently happily married to someone else.

Peony is basically like Clair and Wallace for straight people. Like ... he’s the straightest person you will ever meet. Take all the stereotypes about straight people, remove the toxic masculinity, and distill the results down, and you will have Peony. Peony is so straight you can use him to hang pictures perfectly. He’s so straight that if you’re ever insecure about whether or not you’re gay enough, you need just to stand next to Peony for five minutes. Peony is basically why almost everyone else is a little bit bi—because Arceus or Mew or whoever put all the straightness in the world into Peony and went, “Wow, I think I went a little too far.” Peony is that straight.

ORANGE ISLANDS

Most people probably don’t care about this region because it’s an anime only, but I care.

They’re all gay. Luana’s daughter exists because of a sperm donor, but Luana herself isn’t married and is very much a lesbian.

Furthermore, Rudy is trans because Electric Tales of Pikachu once made a trans joke about him, and you know what? I’m going to fix that so it’s something that actually respects trans people.

The Orange Islands are basically the other location gay trainers say they’ll turn into a queer commune, only it’s for gay people who judge the snow-loving gays hardcore. (To be fair ... they have a valid point. Listen. Listen, my fellow queer people. Why would you want snow when you could have sunny beaches and no frostbite?)

BATTLE FRONTIER

Anyway, Noland is aroace.

Greta is ace but biromantic.

Tucker is nonbinary (they/them or he/him) and also aroace.

Lucy is straight, shockingly enough.

Spenser is aroace.

Brandon is aroace.

Anabel is bi.

Palmer is straight.

Thorton is aroace.

Dahlia is homoromantic but ace.

Darach is 100% straight.

Argenta is aroace.

The Battle Frontier is, in other words, the closest thing to a Sinnoh or Galar for ace people. }

#worldbuilding month #resources #pokemon headcanon #pokemon lore #long post

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catgirl-catboy · 3 years

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Alrighty then, strap in lol /j

Before we start this is all just out of pure curiosity and I mean no harm by it. If I ask a question that you don’t want to answer or anything of that nature do not feel obligated to answer it. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable when the situation of an anti and a proshipper talkings is already a bit awkward in itself lol

I’m gonna start by just… stating my views on everything? You could respond by correcting me based on what you believe is true or just state your opinions as well. Or just go off on a tangent that’s cool too it’s up to you haha

I firmly believe that nobody should be sent shit like death threats over fiction because at the end of the day they are just concepts, BUT I don’t believe “problematic shipping” should be encouraged. I could care less if someone shipped a ‘toxic’ relationship, if it’s two consenting adults then it really doesn’t matter. However, I do believe a line is crossed once things like pedophilia and incest get involved. Children should never be viewed in a sexual light, fictional or not, and I believe that one’s opinion on this topic says a ton about them. Things like lolisho are illegal in certain parts of the world, and debatable in others which, to me, makes sense. It’s still CP, even if it doesn’t involve actual children, and I believe creators and consumers of such content should face some form of punishment. Considering that, on paper, it doesn’t hurt anyone, it should probably be a fine or something. That part isn’t important, I’m just trying to make the point that I do not believe that kodocons are as vile as pedophiles, but theyre both equally as creepy. Viewing children in a sexual light, like I said, should not be tolerated under any circumstances; no ‘if,’ ‘ands,’ or ‘buts’ about it.

And when it comes to the other topic, IRL incest can never be consensual and is always abusive whether someone wants to admit it or not, so somebody having a fixation on incestuous relationships in their fantasies is something that should be criticized lol.

I am open to discussion. I know sites like twitter and such discourage nuance but uh… fuck twitter lol I’m doing this anyway

ooooh! Honestly, I'm so hyped for this discussion. :). Heres a read-more since it got kinda long. (Seriously, go finish the thing you are procrastinating on before reading lol)

Allow me to first state my definition on common terms, since I know people disagree about definitions. Heres what I'm working under.

Anti- A person would like platforms like tumblr and ao3 to ban content. Some antis take matters into their own hands by making blocklists and taking other measures. This content is often problematic but doesn't have to be.

Proshipper- A person who thinks that such content shouldn't be moderated. They can despise the content as much as an anti would, the defining factor is that they don't trust the platform or the platform's users to moderate it.

To be clear, neither of those refer to actual child pornography or "content" like revenge porn. I don't want to talk to people that think it does.

A second counterpoint, assholery has nothing to do with these definitions. There are dicks in both groups, so we can't use them to define either group.

In my definition, RPF is a bit murkier because there's an expectation that people are going to ship and write fiction for a celebrity. They knew this going in. It's totally valid to not want to be shipped, but they are maybe in the wrong career field. However, writing NSFW of actual minors (I believe) falls into CSEM, and I'm morally against it. For an IRL example, picture a musician who doesn't want any covers of their songs, and stuff like that.

Before I get into expanding on your points, I'd like to share exactly what I ship. Have all cards on the table, you know?

- I mostly ship toxic/abusive ships, but not in aus that completely change the dynamic. Its like studying a nature documentary to me, but I'd never want to be in the position of either of the characters.

- I also tend to ignore fanon sexualities, which gets me some hate. I ship whatever makes a good story.

- I have two incest ships. One wasn't revealed to be related until the end, by which I already shipped it and chose not to stop. The other one has the same complicated dynamic at my toxic ships, so I'd like it exactly the same if the two weren't related.

- I have one minor/adult ship. Mostly because the series was really unclear with its ages, so I thought it was 18 x 23ish when in actuality... it wasn't.

- I don't consume loli/shota content, but I'm okay with interacting with fans of it.

- I have zero RPF ships. Not my thing.

- I don't selfship, or ship my OCs with canon.

To preface my rebuttal (pfft butt), I would like to know your thoughts on what exactly constitutes a minor by your terms. My main problem your lolicon argument is that I've seen a million different definitions of 'minor' from antis. How could such a law be enforced if everyone had a slightly different definition?

Pedophilia is illegal and morally disgusting because children can't consent. They simply don't know enough about the world. Meanwhile, both the reader and writer consent in loli. As long as its tagged correctly, nobody gets exposed to it when they are not looking for it. If a proshipper doesn't tag their shit right, they need to fix it. If they don't they are a dick. If we are using the layman's (not the government's) definition of CP, I agree with you that it is CP. I personally don't wanna go anywhere near it. But no minors are being exploited in the making of this material, so legally...

In addition to it being near impossible to enforce due to no solid definition, I highly doubt a rule like that would be enforced in the way you are thinking. I've never seen someone argue Tumblr staff is competent. I doubt doing it by site would be practical, so it would probably have to be at an international level. The government isn't cracking down on CSEM hard enough. That has to be the first priority.

I don't really want to get this blog involved in the IRL incest debate. Its fucked up, but harassing people over it is also fucked up. When a serious problem comes up, you should call the police and let them handle that.

#polite debate tag #honestly grinning while writing this god I miss debating people #proshippers please interact #pro fiction #pro ship #pro shippers #pro ship safe #tagging this as anti anti seems rude #anyone can interact or ask!

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amphtaminedreams · 4 years

Text

Film Tier Ranking 2019: A Bad Year for Bird Films

Hi to anyone reading,

I’ve finally put it together: my 2019 film tier ranking! I know tier rankings are a bit 6 months ago but seeing British crisps sorted into god, good, mid and shit tier all over Twitter, the format really resonated with me and I was like I MUST USE THIS AT SOME POINT! And I guess since there probably isn’t much of an audience for crisp tier rankings on Tumblr, it makes more sense for me to do it with films instead, especially as doing a 2019 year in film review was something I previously claimed I would do; here’s to 2020 and following through on my proposals.

I think 2019 in general was an okay year for film, with the end of the year definitely outselling the beginning. One thing to bear in mind is that a lot of films that I would’ve been able to see in 2019, I.E Little Women and Parasite, didn’t come out until 2020 in the UK so they won’t make it onto this year’s list. It’s not a snub by any means. I more fall in line with the Elsie Fisher Film Awards school of thought than the Oscars, which have yet again disregarded several incredible performances this year: Florence Pugh in Midsommar, Taron Egerton in Rocketman, Lupita Nyongo in Us, and of course, Greta Gerwig’s direction of Little Women. I’m sure there are many more but those are the first few that come to mind. Oh to be in 2017 when nominations made fractionally more sense.

This list also includes films that weren’t necessarily released this year, but that I just got around to watching; there were a couple of disappointments but also a lot of films I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch and have definitely made their way into my favourites. My goal for this year is to get through even more of the films on my verrrry long Letterboxd watchlist, and more specifically, watch said films without going on my phone, which is a really bad habit of mine. I find it hard to sit still! Let me live!

I also want to try and put aside my prejudices about visual quality and watch more pre-2000s movies this year; it’s really bad but I never managed to get more than half an hour into Psycho, of all films, solely because I couldn’t deal with the black and white. In 2020, I am going to stop being a whiney Gen Z/cusp millenial-er and give older films the chance they deserve.

So, without further ado, here is my film tier ranking of everything I watched in 2019! If you make it til the end and have any thoughts or disagreements, let me know. I love to hear other’s opinions and get new perspectives on things and am totally open to any criticism. Happy reading:-)

God Tier

Knives Out (Rian Johnson, 2019)

Knives Out. What a film.

I feel like I waited forever to see this at the cinema. They must have started showing trailers for it in, like, August, and I had to wait til mid-November to see it. How are you gonna just dangle a film with Toni Colette and Lakeith Stanfield in my face and then make me wait 3 months? Totally unethical.

But that being said, when it finally came around and I did see it, as much as I love Toni and Lakeith, there was one stand out and it wasn’t either of them: ANA DE ARMAS. I have to admit I’d never heard of her before but she acted the shit out of a role I feel I’d ordinarily find irritating and gimmicky. Daniel Craig, whose character seemed annoying as fuck in the trailer, was actually surprisingly funny.

Stylistically, it was a very cool film and I liked the subtle commentary on class that was running throughout. Also, I thought the ending was very clever. My issue with a lot of whodunnits is that they just pick someone who doesn’t make sense for shock factor *cough, Bobby Beale in Eastenders, cough* but the shocks here were more in the details.

Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria, 2019)

There wasn’t one single moment of Hustlers I didn’t enjoy and it’s quite amazing that there wasn’t one single point in this film about strippers that I felt gratuitously sexualised women. THAT is why you fund female directors. It made the whole thing look like a calculated art form, which I think the unsexy amongst us can all agree that it is. Constance Wu was a fantastic lead, J-Lo was kind of robbed for a supporting actress nom, and Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart were hilarious too.

Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019)

Midsommar was such an experience that it took me a good few days afterwards to decide whether I actually liked it. I saw it the day it came out because I loved Hereditary so much and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I kind of had an idea of the way it was going to go, we could all kind of guess evil cult was the route that was being taken from the trailer, but I just didn’t realise quite how weird it’d get.

The gore was great, the visuals were stunning and the character arcs were surprising and for that reason, I think this is another game changer for horror from Ari Aster. I didn’t love it like I loved Hereditary but it continues to play on my mind and 7 months later I still can’t resist a good “Things you Missed in Hereditary” or “Hereditary Themes Explained” Youtube video essay. That’s how you know a film fucked with you and that’s the ultimate goal of going into a horror for me. Put that on my headstone after I inevitably get myself into some mortally dangerous conflict because I want to “get fucked with” a little bit.

Booksmart (Olivia Wilde, 2019)

So here’s the thing with Booksmart: I was getting progressively more and more drunk throughout it so I might be a little biased when I say I loved it. That being said, worth revere seems to be a commonly held opinion so I’ll stick to my guns. Plus, movies like this, which just focus on girls living their lives, are few and far between. Why have we had to wait THIS long for the female Superbad?

IDK. But Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein and Billie Lourd proved it’s definitely a genre worth investing in so hopefully we see more lighthearted female-led coming of age comedies. One Ladybird per year isn’t enough for me.

The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos, 2018)

I included The Favourite in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch that I made earlier this year so I don’t have all that much to say about it that I haven’t said already. To summarise, it’s an instant classic: the cinematography, the cast, the lines, it’s all perfection.

Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, 2018)

I also included Suspiria in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch list so sorry if I’m repeating myself, but I adored everything about it. If I had to sum it up in one sentence I’d say divine feminine energy, but inverted. Plus ballet. That dancing scene in the mirrored room will probably never leave my mind (if you’ve watched it, trust me, you’ll know the one I'm talking about), and if there were awards given out for creepy montages in horror, this would win all of them. It still blows my mind that Tilda Swinton played 3 characters in this film; 2 of them are so distinctly different, if anyone put two and two together without prior knowledge of this fact then I’ll blow my own head up too. This is why I got so mad when there was all that discussion around her being the new female Doctor Who and there were people asking who she was. How can you not know who Tilda fucking Swinton is!? She’s a legend!

Sorry, is the wannabe film snob in me showing?

Annihilation (Alex Garland, 2018)

Though I initially watched it because it’s branded as a horror, Annihilation ended up being a surprisingly introspective take on human nature and our self-destructive tendencies. Nothing really went the way I expected it to, even though I was constantly trying to guess that trajectory from beginning to end.

Visually, Annihilation is magnificent. Like, it’s tense, and where exactly the plot is going is shrouded in mystery, but most importantly, it’s super fucking pretty. Sure, the only thing that was mildly horrifying was the *SPOILER* end result of that bear scene but I didn’t mind too much because there was always that edge-of-your-seat possibility something like that would happen again.

Also I realised that Gina Roduriguez is really hot in this! I would just say in general but that video of her saying the n-word kind of took away shot at real world magnetism. WHY SUCH A SHITTY APOLOGY VIDEO!? WHY?!

Assassination Nation (Sam Levinson, 2018)

So I didn’t clock until I was looking up directors that Sam Levinson, Euphoria director, also directed this, and suddenly everything makes sense in the world. They both have that dreamlike, exaggerated feel that perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager, only in Assassination Nation obviously the threats are a bit more...tangible. As in its actually other people trying to kill our protagonists this time round, not just angst.

Not gonna lie, it’s not a patch on Euphoria because that show is probably the best thing I watched all year, but I did thoroughly enjoy it, even if I did feel the social commentary, despite how in your face it was, got a bit lost in translation at times. I think it’s the kind of film that, once again, would’ve felt more genuine coming from a female director, however that’s not to take away from how witty, modern, and completely relevant it still is as we move into 2020.

Sorry To Bother You (Boots Riley, 2018)

Right. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Why don’t more people talk about this film? Like it has Tessa Thompson and the world’s best earrings! Lakeith Stanfield getting more than 10 cumulative minutes of screen time! Armie Hammer being that bitch we all knew he was irl (probably)! Scathing critiques of late stage capitalism! It’s insane, in the absolute best way.

SPOILERS AHEAD: I had a mini paragraph written about the last hour of the film and the descent into pure unadulterated chaos, and how it’s like, the internet’s best kept secret, because ordinarily you lot can’t keep your mouths shut about a film or TV’s shows most crucial reveals for more than 5 minutes and THEN...My FBI agent must be feeling real cheeky because THIS tweet pops up on my Twitter timeline.

Fuck this shit, I’m out. Onto the next film. MI5 stop peeping my drafts.

Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham, 2018)

I don’t want to repeat what I said about Eighth Grade in my 50 Films you Should Watch list but Elsie Fisher’s performance in this is why I wish the Oscars also had some kind of rising star award category à la the BAFTAs. Honestly, every 13/14 year old should watch this; it’s a reminder that although feeling like an outsider is by its nature quite isolating, it’s prolific enough that a 29 year old man, 10 years out of “high school”, gets it.

American Animals (Bart Layton, 2018)

My sister and I absolutely loved this film so you can image our disappointment when we turned round to our parents at the end and our enthusiasm wasn’t matched...as in, I’m pretty sure they were both asleep for a lot of it. WHICH I DON’T GET. Because to me, there wasn’t a dull moment. American Animals is what happens when a group of university age boys with the finesse of the American Vandal Turd Burglar try and apply that to an Evil Genius stye heist, part Netflix, talking head abundant documentary, part live-action film. Splicing a stylistic reenactment with interview footage of the men who really attempted to commit the crime elevated what I probably would have put in the Good Tier™ to the God Tier™; seeing the guy Evan Peters is playing alongside Evan Peters playing him, now only the remnants of the arrogance we see in the reenactment left behind, sharply reminds you of the fall from grace these boys deservedly went through. Plus Barry Keoghan from The Killing of a Sacred Deer is in it, proving that unsettlingly stiff is NOT in fact his natural state.

Gerald’s Game (Mike Flanagan, 2017)

I wish there was a shorthand way to say I wrote about this in my 50 Films You Should Watch list so I’m gonna keep it short but here we are! This was great! If The Haunting of Hill House isn’t proof enough, Gerald’s Game (not to take away any credit from Stephen King) is a reminder that Mike Flanagan is the king of subtle, niggling sensation in your stomach that something is about to go very wrong horror. I hear he and Ari Aster have a timeshare situation going on with the crown.

The Ritual (David Bruckner, 2017)

Okay, so this is the film that made me realise we should all be very scared of forests. Nope, all the documentaries into the Aokigahara Forest weren’t enough, apparently. I subjected myself to this too, as if my unfit, cold-blooded, bug-fearing, scared of the dark ass doesn’t already have enough concerns about my survival odds in the great outdoors.

Really though, setting aside, this film maintains the sense of dread throughout and keeps you guessing what’s going on until the very end. Much like The Descent, the group dynamic and characters are realistic enough that it adds to the believability of a scenario I, in principle, know would never happen to the extent that I might keep away from vast, wooded spaces for a while just in case.

Dumbo (Tim Burton, 2019)

If film Twitter came across this post and saw I’d placed Dumbo in a higher tier than If Beale Street Could Talk I can only imagine the outrage. And sure, the latter is probably a much higher quality film. But sometimes a movie, for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on, gets you right in the sweet spot, and Dumbo did that for me. Maybe it was that the CGI elephant reminded me of my cat (I know, leave me alone), maybe I was emotional that day, I don’t know, all I know is that I cried like 5 times and was smiling for the rest of it-to be fair, the exploitation of animals for our entertainment is something that is still very much going on and that was something that was playing on my mind a lot whilst I was watching it. IRL Dumbos should be free too. Dumbo rights.

The VVitch (Robert Eggers, 2016)

This film taught me that there’s nothing wrong with joining a coven of young witches and getting naked and levitating around a fire. And that’s an important life lesson. Plus it gave us the quote “wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”, which is not only so perfectly creepy and simultaneously empowering that I had to get it tattooed but also, created ASMR. I just made that last bit up obviously but Black Philip getting his own ASMR Youtube channel?

The Descent (Neil Marshall, 2006)

For me, much like The Ritual, The Descent is a perfect horror film: it’s got the ghouls but the situation the characters find themselves in is also terrifying by its own merit. The reason The Descent made it onto my 50 Films list and the Ritual didn’t is because, let’s be honest, it’s 2020 and you can get mobile signal in most places. You could probably at least make a 999 call if you got lost in a forest. If you DID get stuck in an underground cave and it collapsed in on itself, you’d be pretty fucked; the idea of it makes me shudder and I will never set foot in an underground tunnel at any point in my life for any amount of money EVER after seeing this. Also, the women in this are great and the creatures in this are genuinely quite terrifying, especially the first time you see them.

Chicago (Rob Marshall, 2003)

Ah, Chicago, the last film on the God Tier™, proving that this list is in no particular order. Because WHAT A FIM. WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE?! Like don’t get me wrong, I know it deservedly won Best Picture in 2003 but I’m talking about right now! I mean, fucking Titanic is still out here getting referenced left, right and centre and yet Chicago gets paid dust! Can you tell I’m mad and that I think Titanic is hugely overrated?! Is that maybe coming across?!

ALL the songs are bops, Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot (I saw someone on Letterboxd say that Catherine Zeta-Jones in this film was their bisexual awakening and honestly, if I hadn’t already known I was a raging bisexual, same, because I FELT things in that All That Jazz opening) and Cell Block Tango is the revenge fantasy anthem I never knew I needed. Smart, tongue in cheek, beautifully shot and makes men look like little bitches which is probably why my dad hated it but what did I expect.

Good Tier

Zombieland: Double Tap (Ruben Fleischer, 2019)

Onto the first film of the good tier, Zombieland: Double Tap definitely exceeded my expectations. I was super worried about the prospect of a sequel as I love the first one so much and assumed it would be crap. Obviously, it doesn’t match up to the original because the original WAS so original, but it was still a fun, easy, witty ride. And I was SO glad they didn’t *SPOILERS AHEAD* kill off Tallahassee at the end because I really thought that was coming and it seemed so predictable and unnecessary. Highlight was the introduction of the lookalikes at Graceland.

Judy (Rupert Goold, 2019)

So, this is the first of two consecutive rants I’m about to go on about Oscar nominations and people’s reactions online. Prepare yourself.

I’ll start with the underlying message: just because you think something else deserves the praise more, doesn’t mean the film/album/*insert whatever artistic medium you wish here* that IS getting the praise is shit.

Like people are angry that Lupita Nyongo wasn’t nominated for best actress for her performance in Us which is COMPLETELY valid as she carried that film on her back. In the same vein, people are also angry that more women of colour haven’t been nominated for best actress. Also valid; I’ve yet to see The Farewell but I’ve heard great things about Akwafina’s performance and I love her so even though I haven’t seen it, I’m gonna take the general consensus that she should’ve been nominated too. The Oscars definitely has a problem with recognising the work of POC. BUT, because of this, people are angry that Renee Zellweger has been nominated for her performance in Judy, saying that it’s typical “Oscar bait”. I agree, it is typical Oscar bait. However, a lot of the people saying this will in the same breath say (or tweet rather) that they haven’t actually SEEN Judy.

How can you possibly say that Renee Zellweger doesn’t deserve any of the praise she’s getting when you haven’t even seen the film? Don’t get me wrong, the film itself is good but not outstanding (hence its place in this tier), but you can see Renee genuinely put her heart and soul into this film; it was powerful, and it was sympathetic but it was also nuanced and subtle where they could’ve just capitalised on all the sensationalised stories of the actions of a woman clearly deeply suffering in her final years and had it be full of shouting and screaming. The Wizard of Oz has always kind of felt like home to me because of the childhood nostalgia factor and so I’ve always been interested in Judy and I think Renee captured her heart and her spirit in a way she would be deeply honoured by. Maybe the film itself doesn’t deserve the acclaim it’s getting but I think Zellweger definitely deserves the nom and I think most people who’ve actually seen it wouldn’t contest that.

Joker (Todd Philipps, 2019)

Okay so second rant. I’m sorry. I have a lot of feelings. Most of them aimed at the annoying tendency of internet users, Film Twitter™ and Letterboxd users I’m looking at you in particular, to be wildly exaggerative.

There just seems to be no nuance online. It’s not just yeah, I didn’t like the film personally and the message could be perceived in a certain way by certain individuals, it’s I HATE THIS FILM AND IT’S DANGEROUS AND THE DIRECTOR FUCKING SUCKS. I noticed this trend when La La Land came out (which if I had watched last year would certainly be in God tier for me). It’s like, if a film initially receives a lot of praise and buzz, there’s almost this wave of compensatory vehement criticism in response that’s usually disproportionate to how controversial the film actually is. People didn’t like that Joker was popular because they didn’t like Joker so suddenly it’s the worst film ever and the possibility of it getting any critical acclaim is wrong. I even saw people berating Todd Philipps for channelling Martin Scorsese as he’s the only person to ever be influenced and take direction from one of the most dominant figures in film of the 20th and 21st century. I mean, what’s wrong with that?! If it was any other director, it’d be called homage. But because everything has to be seen through this malicious lens, its copying.

I think one of the few very valid criticisms about Joker was that it further perpetuates the idea that psychotic people are dangerous, and I can totally see where they’re coming from. At the same time, we have to accept that whilst the majority of people who are psychotic aren’t a danger to anyone apart from themselves, most “dangerous” people don’t just become dangerous because they thought, fuck it, why not? A lot of people in the prison system ARE suffering with some kind of mental illness. The character’s psychosis doesn’t make him dangerous, it’s his underlying resentment and sense of entitlement that grows throughout the film that makes him dangerous, and I think a lot of people seem to miss this point. They say that the way the film ends implies Philipps is justifying the actions of the films protagonist. However, we KNOW the Joker is an unreliable narrator, he’s one of pop culture’s most infamous villains and that being said, both in film and in the real world, few villains see themselves as the villain. Joker is about why HE thinks he’s justified in doing what he does, not why he IS justified in doing what he does because he’s not, and that’s pretty clear from the moment he shoots someone in the head on live TV. Honestly, I think there’s a bit of wilful misinterpretation going on because people don’t like that film

I liked Joker. It was gritty, it was interesting, and sufficiently dark. I didn’t think it was the best film of the year but I understand why it got the praise it did. Obviously, it’s okay that people disagree and DON’T like it. But can we please get a bit more well-acquainted with the middle ground?

It: Chapter Two (Andres Muschietti, 2019)

Okay, essays over. Back to regular scheduled programming of less impassioned reviews. Though I will say I deserved better than my Letterboxd comment of “so you can just fucking roast Pennwyise to death?” getting absolutely 0 traction. One day my grand total of 5 followers, one of which is my sister, will recognise my brilliance (lol).

It’s hard to say how much I really liked this as I think my perspective of how much I did enjoy it is warped by how much I disliked the first one. Child actors really aren’t my thing and the only cast members I warmed to in the first one were Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer whereas the cast here were a lot more likeable, imo. Bill Hader, Jessica Chastain and James Ransone were all great, with the only let down being James Mcavoy; I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I just think he was really miscast in this role.

Another thing I enjoyed a lot more about this instalment was that due to the more episodic/anthology-like/Creepshow-esque structure with each character conquering different monsters from their past individually, the narrative felt like it had a lot more direction, and it didn’t drag as much despite it having a significantly longer runtime. I haven’t read the Stephen King novels and I don’t know much of the pacing issues are down to them so this is me coming at it from a screenwriting angle but it felt as if the climax of the first film just kept going on and on. Every time I thought it had finished there’d be another confrontation between the kids and Pennywise whereas Chapter 2 seemed to have a more definitive third act and I appreciated that.

Rocketman (Dexter Fletcher, 2019)

So, here’s one where I WILL agree with the general online consensus: if Rami Malek got nominated for playing Freddie Mercury last year and Renee got nominated for playing Judy Garland, why the fuck didn’t Taron Egerton get one for playing Elton John? Why didn’t Rocketman itself get a nomination when Judy did? Though I personally preferred Judy because I’m more interested in her story, technically and narratively Rocketman is the better film in my opinion. This was so cleverly edited and sequenced and told with such a brutal honesty on Elton John’s part (it was co-produced by his husband David Furnish and he was heavily involved in everything from the set to the script), that I can only come to the conclusion that the obligatory biopic nomination only comes when the focus of said biopic is no longer with us as a kind of honorary thing. Whilst something like Bohemian Rhapsody was much more of an easy watch (which just goes to show how glossed over Freddie Mercury’s life was in the film), the way the story was told, by the time we got to I’m Still Standing that happy ending felt so earned.

Aladdin (Guy Ritchie, 2019)

You can hate all you want, Prince Ali and Never Had a Friend Like Me are fucking bops and somehow they were even better in this incarnation of the film. I was initially hesitant about Will Smith being cast but rather than trying to impersonate Robin Williams he went his own route and it really worked. He was the highlight of the film. It was undeniably visually stunning too. Madonna’s ex did good.

Us (Jordan Peele, 2019)

Ah, I feel so conflicted when it comes to Us. Like, there were some really strong points and it’s definitely a good standalone horror movie. It’s just you can’t help but compare it to Get Out, and with that unsatisfactory exposition dump ending, I left feeling so disappointed. It seemed to me that Jordan Peele got in a bit over his head here with trying to tie such a vague social metaphor and the actual in-universe plot together, and so ended up leaving both a bit half-baked. He tried to OutPeele himself and for me, it didn’t work.

The doppelgängers were so scary as this ambiguous, vaguely threatening presence that if you are gonna give us a full blown, sit down explanation of why they exist it needs to be really bloody good. And this explanation didn’t make much sense. For example, *SPOILERS AHEAD* I imagine that the tethered just not being able to walk up the escalator into the “real world” was supposed to be some kind of metaphor for social mobility but it’s not fleshed out enough to work. In our world, there are REASONS why the idea of social mobility is flawed. In the film, it’s just like gee, if they chose to just walk up the escalator and go on this murderous rampage now, why couldn't they have decided to do it years ago back before they all lost their fucking minds? Why were they just copying the originals for all those years? HOW did they know what they were doing? See, the metaphor as I understand it is supposed to be that we depend on the oppression of others like us in order to maintain our social status, but not only is this kind of too general a statement to try and use a feature length film to make, I don’t really understand how this dynamic works within the narrative of the film. Technically, there's nothing to stop the tethered and the originals co-existing apart from the tethered deciding not to walk up the fucking escalator. We’re not talking a bourgeoisie-proletariat relationship here. The explanation of it all just being a “government project gone wrong” was too vague seeing as the plot working seemed prior to this to hinge onto something vaguely supernatural and the eventual plan of the doppelgängers seemingly had no purpose or application to the real world like the climax of Get Out did. It just left me feeling kind of like...why? Why did this all happen? When the ending and the twist was that predictable (the old Pretty Little Liars finale style twin switcheroo was blatantly obvious from the mother’s “it’s like she’s a different person” line near the beginning, let’s be real), I was expecting some final revelation that flipped my expectation on its head or at least felt helped things click into place. Instead, it seemed a bit hamfisted and like I was supposed to feel things were deeper and more significant than they actually were.

All that being said, I appreciate that if anyone other than the writer of Get Out had come out with this movie, I probably wouldn’t have these issues. Us was funny, it was fresh, and the concept of doppelgängers is something I’m so glad to see brought back into our modern pop culture database. The people are right, Lupita was incredible in this and it is a travesty that she didn’t get nominated. My sister, who was so creeped out by her vocal performance that she had her fingers in her ears every time Red spoke, still won’t let me attempt an impression of it. And that Fuck the Police sequence? Iconic.

On the Basis of Sex (Mimi Leder, 2019)

I apologise in advance for the shittiest “review” I’ll ever write, but honestly I can’t remember all too much about this film other than it being good. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’m sorry. You’re a cool lady.

If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins, 2019)

EURGH, THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FIM. The score, the shots, the rawness. I imagine it’s devastatingly real. Like, *SPOILERS AHEAD* you think there’s going to be a happy ending but there’s not. It should be disappointing but it’s an honest choice. And side note: fuck those annoying middle aged white ladies in the seats behind me and my friend who lost their shit and started giggling every time the N-word was used, JFC. I hate living in a Tory stronghold.

Cam (Daniel Goldhaber, 2018)

So, as I said, I’m a fan of the whole doppelgänger thing. It freaks me out. The point in this film where the protagonist is approaching her bedroom door whilst she watches HERSELF livestreaming from inside that same bedroom had my heart in my mouth wondering what she was going to encounter on the other side. And you see, the ending of this was a lot more ambiguous than the ending of Us, so I should’ve had less questions. Whilst I’ve seen other people saying it WAS unsatisfactory and that they felt like we were owed more of an explanation, I liked the simplicity of the answer we got and the wiggle room it leaves for our own interpretation. The way I see it, given that we were told by the fan the protagonist meets with in the motel room that *SPOILERS AHEAD* it was a case of some kind of software copying these women’s likenesses to steal their viewers and thus their profits, is that Cam is a kind of a commentary on the capitalist exploitation of women’s bodies and the demand for (and desensitisation towards) sexually violent content; we don't necessarily need to know who is behind the virtual cloning, which is terrifyingly believable given how realistic some of the deepfakes I’ve seen are, because it doesn’t matter. We're basically told money is the motive and we know the kind of lengths some people will go, and someone DID go to in Cam, to in order to make a shitload of money and that’s as true in real life as it is scary. On the other hand, if you want to believe there’s a more supernatural presence behind the events of the film, there’s enough left to the imagination that you can go down that route too. Some films are better left un-exposition dumped and this is the proof. My one criticism, is that, like many films, it would be even better if directed by a woman; I’ve seen people say that its portrayal of online sex work isn’t entirely accurate and though I can’t say with certainty that women working in this industry weren’t consulted in the first place, I imagine a female director would not only be more likely to listen to their concerns but could translate the confusion and fear that comes with being expected to makes oneself sexually desirable to get ahead in the world but then shamed and used for doing so even more viscerally. A few tweaks and it’d be God Tier.

Colette (Wash Westmoreland, 2019)

The costumes, sets, and Keira were so, so stunning. Also it was just an inspiring, beautiful story. The navigation of womanhood, so called “deviant” sexuality and self-expression against the backdrop of early 20th century Paris with a load of Edwardian era tailoring thrown in, it’s everything I could possibly want and more; 10/10 moodboard content.

The Boy (William Brent Bell, 2016)

I can’t believe this film was made in 2016, and it almost makes me move it down to mid tier based on the fact that a lot of the allowances I made for cheese factor I made on the assumption it came out earlier in the decade. BUT, that being said, I was creeped out for a good portion of this film. Most horrors I watch and I’m probably a bit too chilled (a head comes off or some witchy ass ghost screams into the camera and my only thought is some kind of judgement of the SFX), and yet I felt like watching this behind my hands. I don’t know what it is about dolls and puppets, Chucky was my childhood fear even though I never actually watched the film, but something about the uncanny valley of it all makes me just spend the whole time they’re on screen silently praying they don’t start moving or talking. So in a way, given the resolution of the film *SPOILERS AHEAD*, the premise of The Boy was actually a lot scarier to me than the reveal of what was really going on. Someone hiding in my walls? NBD. That demons are real and that they live inside creepy old dolls? Terrifying. Why does everybody I debate this with disagree!? You can't call the police on a demon! At least with a human being you can stick them with the pointy ending of something! Regardless, I enjoyed the journey and trying to work out how things would end and if there IS anybody secretly living inside my house right now, even if you are a supposedly dead murderous family member (last time I checked I didn’t have any of those so I should be all good), kindly vacate. Thanks.

Oprhan (Jaume Collet-Serra, 2009)

So the fact that this film is based on a real life case makes this all the more terrifying. It was a bit campy and tacky at times but the shot of *SPOILERS AHEAD* Esther taking off her makeup in the mirror and revealing her true age will always be iconic. Plus I love Vera Farmiga, even though I did struggle to see her as anyone other than Norma Bates.

First Reformed (Paul Schrader, 2018)

A hauntingly beautiful film with a lot of room for interpretation. There were so many gorgeous shots and so much subtext, this is proper 10/10 media studies essay material.

The Invitation (Karyn Kusama, 2015)

I would say the concept and implications of this film, which don’t fully hit you til the final shots, are a lot better than the film itself. It feels very realistic though and is definitely tense.

As Above, So Below (John Erick Dowdle, 2014)

I was so stoned when I watched this that a lot of the allegory and Dante’s inferno references went straight over my head, and it just seemed absolutely balls to the wall wild. I couldn’t buy that the characters would just KEEP GOING either when things began to get terrifying, like people in horror films really out here making the most nonsensical decisions and it drives me mad. But anyway, it was definitely entertaining and there’s a lot more to it in terms of plot and mythology than most similar quality horrors and I appreciate that

Climax (Gaspar Noe, 2018)

Climax is an interesting one that I think I’ll have to watch again to judge how much I truly like it. As with Us, I know it’s a good film, but I think my expectations of what it was going to be left me slightly disappointed. See, when I read about the premise I assumed that the horror was going to come from seeing the perspective of the characters on said acid trip and that leaves so much room for any kind of terrifying visuals you want whether that be something based in realism or fucked up creatures of the imagination. Buuuuut, it wasn’t that at all; at no point does Climax take place from the first person perspective of any of the characters. Similar to Darren Aronofsky’s Mother, the horror comes from not being able to do anything but watch as everyone starts losing their minds and the situation gets increasingly more dire. It’s pure stress; the acting is so unnervingly good that you really do feel like you’re watching some unintentionally horrific incident take place. That’s not a bad thing-I like it when films make me feel something intense, whether that emotion be positive or negative. It was just a different viewing experience to the one I had precipitated.

Mid Tier

Nativity (Debbie Isitt, 2009)

I find Mr.Poppy hilarious. Does that make me a child? Probably. I’m not really one for Christmas movies but this one’s alright.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (André Øvredal, 2019)

I get that it’s based off a book so it’s not exactly like the “monsters” were a secret in the first place, but for those of us who didn’t read the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books as a kid, my main beef with this film was that they basically revealed all of said monsters in the trailer. Like how It: Chapter 2 spoiled the scene with Beverly in the old lady’s apartment but with EVERY. SINGLE. CREATURE. The only one that wasn’t was the “jangly man” and the only takeaway I have from him is the “jangly in the streets, but is he jangly in the sheets?” Letterboxd comment I read afterwards. Like the creature designs are the selling point of this film and by showing us them all before we’ve even seen it, any anticipation that would’ve built up from their reveal was kind of gone. Plus, it definitely felt like the writers were trying to ride on the hype train of “It” when they wrote this-only they made it even more childish. I mean, I know it was classed as PG-13 in the US which is maybe part of the reason it was so tame but the Woman in Black was a 12 when it was released here and it could be the bias of my 13 year old brain but I remember that being terrifying to watch in the cinema.

Also, I found it weird how *SPOILERS AHEAD* a couple of the main characters died and there didn’t really seem to be any consequences? Idk, maybe that’s because I found them all a bit one dimensional but I’ve seen others make the same criticism so I don’t think so.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a BAD film. It just wasn’t super good.

Charlie’s Angels (Elizabeth Banks, 2019)

I’ve never seen the 2000s Charlie’s Angels so I really don’t have anything to compare to, but I don’t think this was THAT bad. I was fairly entertained throughout and I enjoyed Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart’s characters. My main issue was the unnecessary inclusion of Noah Centineo, and that weird ass montage at the beginning of stock video shots of girls just...doing miscellaneous things. Why, Elizabeth Banks, why!?

Toy Story 4 (Josh Cooley, 2019)

In some ways, I see why Toy Story 4 was narratively necessary: co-dependency had been a running theme throughout and we needed to see Woody (I feel stupid saying this considering he’s a fucking toy but allow it) realise that he can exist independently of Andy, and that there’s more to life than pleasing somebody else. The way Toy Story 4 ended felt like a satisfying conclusion to his character arc, and as well as the animation being top tier, Forky was a hilarious addition to the cast. However, I don’t think it carried the emotional weight of the 3rd Toy Story, which I think people had accepted as the last instalment and had used to say goodbye to the franchise, and therefore the sceptic in me thinks that the obvious purpose of this addition was a cash grab. I don’t doubt that a lot of people worked incredibly hard on it-I’m just saying that the propelling force behind the film probably wasn’t “the people need to see Woody’s character growth” and that was quite apparent throughout.

Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

There were some really beautiful scenes in Doctor Sleep; the astral projection sequences in particular were magnificent and I loved Rebecca Ferguson as the villain. Stylistically, though I didn’t find out he was the director until I was writing this up, you can definitely tell it’s Mike Flanagan, and like I’ve said, he does horror very tastefully. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t all that interested in the premise and I wasn’t hugely invested in grown up Danny Torrance either. The execution was great and the return to the Overlook was brilliant, of course, but the story just wasn’t for me and nothing much sticks out as being a particularly intriguing plot point.

Mary Queen of Scots (Josie Rourke, 2019)

What to say about Mary Queen of Scots other than...yeah, it was alright. I mean, I really should’ve liked it more than I did, because these specific events were part of the Edexcel A-Level history curriculum (Can I get some Rebellion and Disorder Under the Tudors students representation up in here!?) and I usually love seeing history translated onto screen, plus it centred around Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan. It was just very...meh. I feel like there’s so much more complex a story here than was told. Both women were undoubtedly a lot more complicated than this film made them out to be and I think to reduce Mary Queen of Scots to a Mary Sue-ish heroine was a disappointing choice. Plus, if we’re gonna talk historical accuracy (which all the racists came out of their caves to discuss at the time), Mary and Elizabeth never actually met; I’m sure there was a more creative way to explore their dynamic than by forcing an interaction that never actually happened.

Apostle (Gareth Evans, 2018)

There were elements of this film I really liked; the mythology behind the cult, I.E what the townsfolk actually worshipped when you stripped away all the secrecy was pretty interesting. However, I felt it depended too much on atmosphere and not enough on plot, and I didn’t warm to any of the characters.

Searching (Aneesh Chaganty, 2018)

It’s difficult because technically, Searching is obviously an ingenious film. My issue is the way it ended, which was imo, super anti-climatic, and honestly pretty predictable in that it seemed like the writers just went out of their way *SPOILERS AHEAD* to make the culprit the person viewers would’ve ruled out by default for shock value, and then work out WHY that person was the culprit from there. I was expecting something a lot darker to be behind the protagonist’s daughter’s disappearance-irl, these situations usually are-and so maybe it’s just me being a bit of a sadist but I was disappointed by how things resolved themselves.

Deliver Us from Evil (Scott Derrickson, 2014)

So, this isn’t boring. It’s interesting to have a horror navigated through the lens of something as procedural as a police investigation. But ultimately, the acting isn’t great, there’s very few scary moments, and it’s a little cheesy. As horrors go, it’s pretty shallow-it is what it says on the tin.

Dumplin’ (Anne Fletcher, 2018)

I watched this right at the beginning of the year and I can’t remember all too much about it, but I remember not hating it? See, looking at the cast, Odeya Rush and Dove Cameron are both in it which would suggest I’d come away hating MYSELF instead but yeah...I got nothing.

Lights Out (David F.Sandberg, 2016)

The concept is very scary, the execution not so much, and the actual storyline is a little cheesy. I found myself just being like OH MY GOD, IT’S BELLA’S DAD FROM TWILIGHT! And then *SPOILERS AHEAD* getting mad that they did Charlie Swan dirty like that by killing him off in the first 10/15 minutes.

The Goldfinch (John Crowley, 2019)

So I LOVED the book of The Goldfinch. I read it after the Secret History and even though most people seem to prefer the latter, the former hit me right in the sweet spot. The length was almost one of my favourite things about it; I felt by the end that I came to know the character so well he felt like someone I knew in real life. When I heard Ansel Elgort was cast as Theo, I was really happy; I’m not necessarily a huge fan of him as an actor, I've only ever seen him in shitty teen-y dramas which I forced myself to like at the time E.G. The Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, but he looks kind of exactly how I pictured Theo looking. Almost like an Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood situation. And then honestly, the actual film came around, and I found myself much preferring the young Theo sections. I get that Theo is quite a muted character and I hate to properly slate anyone’s performance, but Ansel as him felt a bit flat. The casting in general was pretty whack; I love Nicole Kidman but she didn’t feel right as Mrs.Barbour and it seemed that they added a lot to her character to the detriment of Hobie’s character who was a much bigger part of Theo’s life in the book. Also, can we talk about Finn Wolfhard as Boris? I’m sorry, but that accent was godawful. Really bad. Boris’ accent was always supposed to be kind of ambiguous but this was just butchered Russian. Another gripe that my friend and I, who also read the book, had with the Vegas section of the film (which was otherwise probably the best part) was that they never properly explored the complexity of Boris and Theo’s relationship. Obviously I’m not saying that I want 2 minors to shoot a sex scene but it could have been referenced when they reunite as adults because the kiss on the head when they part in Vegas seemed misleadingly platonic. It was heavily implied in the book that there was some kind of love that went beyond friendship between the two and I didn’t get that in the film at all.

Ultimately, when you try and adapt a book as long as the Goldfinch, you’re always going to have some pacing issues and people complaining that things were left out or that X or Y character didn’t have enough screen time. But in ways, I think the fault here was trying to stay TOO faithful in the limited time available. They definitely could have focussed less on certain relationships and more on others, and when it comes down to it, I think we lost a lot of the grittiness of the original book for the sake of pretty visuals.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

Don’t get me wrong, this would 100% be in shit tier if it wasn’t for the last hour or so of the film and all the Manson lore which is so disappointing because I love Tarantino films and I love that era. As for the first couple of hours, I loved the vibe and I love Margot Robbie, and I think it was very respectful towards the Tate family (if anything radiated through the screen more than anything else it was Sharon Tate’s sweetness), but I just wasn’t that invested in Leo or Brad’s characters-it all just felt a bit pointless. I really like Brad Pitt and even that couldn’t really save it for me. Maybe if you took away the remaining 2 hours and 20 minutes of Leo DiCaprio making vague allusions to his own career to a girl only slightly younger than the combined age of all girlfriends past I’d enjoy it more but then I don’t think there’d be much footage left. I guess we should just be grateful that Tarantino managed to refrain from unnecessarily sprinkling the N-word into every other line of his script this time, right?

Also.

SO. MANY. FEET.

But then again, this did result in Brad publicly mocking Tarantino’s foot fetish during his speech at the SAG awards so...I’ll allow it. Sometimes kink shaming is okay. Especially when it’s this guy:

Isn’t it Romantic (Todd Strauss-Schulson, 2019)

I guess as romantic comedies go it wasn’t AWFUL because it was self-aware but still just not my cup of tea and it didn’t really make me laugh. Plus, I feel like it did just follow the plot of a conventional rom-com in the end so...what was it all for, you know?

Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier, 2016)

I think my disappointment with this film was a case of too high expectations. It wasn’t as gory as I hoped, in fact, there was very little on screen gore at all. I was just expecting something very messed up and I didn’t get that. But then again we did get Maeby from Arrested Development singing a fuck Nazis song so I guess that was a nice surprise?

Shit Tier

Birdbox (Susanne Bier, 2018)

First the disappointment of the Goldfinch, and now Birdbox (although they were chronologically the other way round but for the sake of this review, let’s just ignore that). It really is a bad year for bird films.

It’s weird because when this first came out I remember everyone hyping it up and making memes about it and stuff and then I actually watched it and dear god, it was boring. Honestly, who paid you lot to pretend you cared enough about it enough to make content? And where can I get in on this action?

I mean it didn’t start off terribly but then they killed off SARAH FUCKING PAULSON and somehow managed to make SANDRA FUCKING BULLOCK unlikeable. How does one do that? The mind baffles.

Pet Sematary (Kevin Kolsch & Dennis Widmyer, 2019)

The kid acting was bad, the leads were meh and there wasn’t one creepy moment. This should be SO MUCH MORE hard hitting than it actually was given the subject matter and it just fell completely flat. I will say, though, *SPOILERS AHEAD* that the ending was appropriately doom and gloom and even though I’ve seen lots of others say they hate it it was probably the only thing I actually liked.

The Lion King (Jon Favreau, 2019)

Seth Rogen and Billie Eichner were the only good things about this which is sad because I fucking love Donald Glover and I was so excited when he was cast as Simba. Like, it was pretty but empty and unnecessary and I’m not one of these people who think CGI remakes always have to be this way-I loved Dumbo and I liked the live-action Jungle Book too! I just think the people who made this cared too much about good CGI and realism and less about heart. There was no personality whatsoever and it’s such a waste when you think about the fact that they had Donald and Beyonce on board.

Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence, 2018)

Eurgh, I hated this. I think Jennifer Lawrence is stunning and I usually love her films but every shot of her in this felt so male-gaze oriented, even the ones which were sexually violent, which I found to be completely unnecessary in the first place. At times it felt almost torture-porn-y which was not what I expected at all seeing as the marketing made it seem like some kind of female empowerment movie.

It Comes at Night (Trey Edward Shults, 2017)

I literally can’t remember fucking anything from this film. Clearly there is a very, very fine line between atmospheric and boring.

Warm Bodies (Jonathan Levine, 2013)

Maybe it’s because I watched this about 6 years too late and the whole human-girl-falls-in-love-with-supernatural-creature hype train has long since left the station but I couldn’t even finish it. Cutesy necrophilia ain’t for me, sorry Nicholas Hoult. Still love ya. You’ll always be Tony Stonem to me xoxo

Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood, 2005)

I’m pretty sure this movie won a lot of awards so I’m sure this is a very unpopular opinion but the way this film ended was so...depressing. SO depressing. Did it have to be THAT depressing? The Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode outsold.

This is the range Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank wishes she had.

Would You Rather (David Guy Levy, 2013)

Started off well but became cheesy and predictable as it went on. The acting wasn’t great either plus there was another unnecessary attempted rape scene here too.

Christmas with the Kranks (Joe Roth, 2004)

So I watched this movie in the run up to Christmas because my best friend and her mum were referencing it like it was this cult classic (which I guess for some reason it is?) and I’m sorry to her and her mum but what the hell is this shit?! It’s not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad.

The plot, the characters, EVERYTHING, it’s ridiculous on every level. I wasn’t into it enough to suspend my disbelief that anyone’s neighbours would actually care THAT much that they weren’t celebrating Christmas. Go on your damn cruise, take me with you whilst you're at it, ease my seasonal depression! I wouldn’t mind so much if it was funny or if the protagonists were likeable but it wasn’t and they’re not. Nobody’s actions made any sense. It didn’t put me in the Christmas spirit at all it just made me angry that Jamie Lee Curtis’ agent made her do this shit. She’s a scream queen goddess and she deserves better.

ANYWAY.

I’m now realising that I should have started on shit tier and worked my way up to god tier because now this post has ended on the rather sour note of me getting worked up over Christmas with the Kranks, lol. As always, these are just my opinions and I love to hear other people’s; when it comes to something like this, it’s all a matter of preference and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer, so I’m open to discussion!

With the Oscars less than a week away now I rushed a little to get this out on time, so apologies in advance if anything doesn’t make any sense or there’s any typos, I will look back over it at some point over the next couple of days to check.

But if you read to the end thank you! And stay tuned for my overview of Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 if that’s something you’re interested in as that will most likely be next post!

Lauren x

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shinneth · 4 years

Text

subject to future deletion

Normally I wouldn’t resort to that and I might end up being too lazy to do it anyway, but between getting sick again, dealing with some very intense verbal abuse every day irl, and the monthly burdens of the gender, I’m really not in a good place right now and I need to vent something.

It’s officially gotten bad enough to interfere with my ability to write, even though I’m at a point in my current story that I’ve been very eager to reach... and every step of the way I’m struggling to write it and I hate what I currently have and it’s taking everything in my current power to not just scrap it entirely.

Basically, I think I’m failing as a writer.

The irl stuff is actually not what I’m gonna get into because it’s really nothing new and it’ll probably resolve itself, but the side-effect of suffering that kind of negativity is that it enhances lingering negative feelings you’ve had about other things.

Namely, things you do to get away from the pains of the real world. The things you do to have fun and get some enjoyment out of life, no matter how challenging it is to be in this thing because it’s so wrongfully derided and demonized by the majority of your peers.

I try to keep telling myself it’s just because I’m still relatively very new to the fandom compared to my contemporaries, but as I’m typing this right now and listening to my favorite wrestler Shelton Benjamin in an interview, immediately I see the pit I’m starting to fall into.

Like, it’s uncanny. This is what he said as I started on the above paragraph:

“If I sit and constantly compare myself to other people’s successes, you would drive yourself crazy. Because no matter what, there’s always someone who’s gonna be more successful.”

“I need to remember where I come from; how far I’ve came.”

Basically, in the very small world of Stevidot (and to a lesser extent, SU’s fandom as a whole), despite my efforts, I feel very much like the Shelton Benjamin in a small, dedicated group of talented Stevidot content creators.

Which is to say, I’m basically a midcarder in the mix with a bunch of top-tier legends. Shelton graduated from the same group as some modern very well-known mainstream stars that I can easily associate with a very well-known and accomplished Stevidot contributor.

Shelton graduated with the likes of John Cena, Brock Lesnar, Dave Batista, and Randy Orton. At least half of those names should be at least vaguely familiar for my followers as most of them have had such great success that they’re known in avenues beyond wrestling (save for Randy Orton, but he’s well past outshined his father as a legendary wrestler who’ll never be forgotten).

I could easily say Watcher is the John Cena of Stevidot, while Platon’s probably the Brock Lesnar... sinderella0069′s the Batista. But I honestly don’t feel like I’ve done enough (or stood out enough) to even be a Randy Orton for this pairing. I’d at least give that honor to Ig just for being so active with it on Tumblr despite the wave of hatred thrown her way (even though she’s shifted focus onto Stevinel now).

Again, I keep trying to tell myself that it’s because I’m not even remotely as tenured in the fandom as any of them are.

Then I see this said in a review on a very recently-made Stevidot story...

And said reviewer has not once ever left a review on any Stevidot story of mine. Not even a follow or a favorite or a goddamned kudos. Considering I currently have an actively-updated Stevidot story going on (and a two-shot that I just did last month), I highly doubt my stuff was just overlooked.

Now, is it true that Stevidot is hard to come by? Of course it is. But this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a fellow Stevidot fan lament about the lack of Stevidot content while completely disregarding anything I contribute.

I know there’s one that outright doesn’t like my content based on personal taste (nothing to do with Stevidot itself, just how I execute it). There’s another big-name who shows no interest whatsoever in reading what I have to offer - and at this point I feel that’s for the best, because I have a feeling they’d hate my execution as well.

While I’ve always primarily written for myself, I also felt a great fulfillment for providing content for a niche crowd that really deserves more than what they have. I think Stevidot’s a fantastic pairing with tons of unexplored potential and should be much more readily available than it actually is. Even if I tend to not get many reviews, I keep track of the site traffic every day on my stories and I know for sure that there are people reading my stuff. Since I’m really bad at leaving reviews myself, I go out of my way not to whine about not having very many overall for my series since I’d be a huge-ass hypocrite to do so.

However.

Statements like the the aforementioned review and statements I’ve seen elsewhere by those who I know are at least aware of me are like stakes through the heart.

Because it can only mean one thing: my content doesn’t count.

I’m honestly not sure which is worse for me; being critically panned for the stuff I’ve put my all into over the past year, or being treated like my stuff doesn’t even exist.

I prided myself on contributing as much as I did for Stevidot over this past year. Quantity doesn’t = automatic quality, but I’ve got 20+ years of writing experience in, so even someone with a shit self-esteem like myself can’t just say I’m an objectively bad writer, because I’m not.

But apparently it doesn’t matter that I put in over half a million worlds in the name of Stevidot to a good chunk of the very tiny Stevidot fanbase; according to them, my contributions are irrelevant.

Is it my fault?

One thing I will admit is a detriment to my particular brand of Stevidot is that, save for one story (which happens to be by far my most successful Stevidot story in terms of recognition numbers), the rest of my series follows a continuous narrative that greatly deviates from canon as of Change Your Mind. I’m also notoriously a very verbose kind of writer - I have the tl;dr curse something fierce.

So all stories I’ve written since my main 3-act series (which ended up being nearly 200k in length on its own) have been direct sequels to that. Because of the heavy deviation from CYM, the environment of the following stories is very different and easy to get lost in if you skipped GA entirely.

Because there are so many dangling threads and new opportunities to be had after GA ended, I basically committed myself to my AU.

It’s not like anyone else is going to explore these possibilities.

Beyond that, honestly, I just don’t want to rewire my brain back to the canon status quo - not after the shitloads of character development I’ve not only given Steven and Peridot, but nearly everyone at this point has had a moment or two of really intense character growth.

I like having Peridot co-star with Steven. I like having her become a more competent and active teammate than she’s portrayed in canon (while still giving her comic relief moments). I like that I didn’t redeem the Diamonds and instead had them killed off to force our protagonists to deal with the fallout of the collapse of a mighty empire on a much grander scale than what’s going on in the actual show.

In a way, this AU of mine has helped me cope with the shortcomings of the show itself. I already went on a stupid tirade once about how the sadistic nature of my writing has basically made me no-sell whatever trauma Rebecca Sugar’s throwing on Steven and upsetting everyone else. I’m still fairly certain I’m still outdoing her in that department.

And because 100% of my passion for creating Stevidot is through this narrative I weaved, I have no desire to leave it.

So I’ll admit my stories aren’t exactly the most accessible to the average reader who hasn’t been following my work since Day 1.

Then again... I first got into Sinderella’s series completely ass-backwards at first. I eventually read it in the proper order, and like many of the great Stevidot epics, it’s canon divergent from a much earlier point in the series, so it was very easy to get confused about why certain things happened differently at first... but ultimately, I wasn’t that bothered by it because I just wanted some good Stevidot. I’d figure out the finer details later.

I really do owe this author more props than I’ve actually given - she’s one out of two readers I know for a fact have been following my series since the beginning without missing a beat. I’ll probably review her newest story sooner or later now that it’s complete.

Not gonna lie, though... when I saw our numbers side-by-side like this:

Considering they’re very similar stories (Stevidot smuts that were originally meant to be one-shots), mine is over a month old and hers is only a few days old and there’s already that big of a gap in our numbers?

It’s hard not to feel like a failure; like I did something horribly wrong to suck this bad by comparison.

I really should stress that I bear no ill will against Sinderella or any Stevidot author; this isn’t a competition, so this isn’t a matter of popularity. I knew coming into this that I wouldn’t get popular overnight; especially not with such an unpopular ship being the focus of my story.

But when other Stevidot stories get frequent reviewers that I’ve never seen once acknowledge my stories even passively, I can’t help but feel like I’ve massively fucked up somewhere. That despite all my efforts, I might as well be invisible. When they say “Oh, good thing your story is here! It’s been such a Stevidot drought around here until you came along!” to other authors after I’ve written half a million fucking words in under a year for this ship...

You know, is it unreasonable to feel that I utterly fucking failed in several ways?

I guess it’s no wonder why I’m struggling to keep writing. I still want to - like I said, I’m at a part I’ve been eager to write for a while now - but ever since I started it, I’ve just hated almost all of what I have so far (almost 8k words). And I’m really having trouble trying to salvage it.

I’m honestly not the type who’d scrap all my progress and start from scratch once I’ve gotten this far in. But maybe I’ll have to make an exception this time, because I think I finally made the mistake of trying to write while being mentally and emotionally distraught.

I thought I’d calm down once I wrote all this out, but honestly, I’m not really feeling it. Now I’m wondering if I should have just reached out to someone instead of making this, because now I’ll come off as a whiner with my pansy-ass first-world problems.

But then again, I’d be an asshole to subject anyone to my idiotic woes.

Maybe this’ll pass. I’m hoping it’ll pass. I really, really really really don’t want to lose my drive to write again. I was used to it coming and going in short and random spurts for almost all my life - then it finally came to me and stayed with me just a little under a year ago, and I’ve been desperate not to let it go because I’ve been more productive now than I’ve ever been in my 20+ tenure as a writer.

I don’t want this to go away. There’s still so much more I want to tell.

But then my logic goes... if you tell the story and no one’s there to hear it, is it ever really told?

#irl shit #stevidot #fanfiction #writing #self-esteem issues #self-worth issues #a cry for help #or therapy #or something #I probably shouldn't have made this #where did i go wrong

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sceptilemasterr · 5 years

Text

Catalysts Play Open Heart: Chapter 8

Summary: The Vaanti have an unusual way of opening doors, Michelle gets trolled with a Tumblr meme IRL, and Michelle and Quinn continue to fail at hiding their increasingly-obvious relationship. Not to mention the usual hilarity and chaos, as always!

Previous Chapter: Link

Note: The things in bold are scenes from the actual Choices chapter. Ian (x Estela) and Alyssa (x Jake) are my twin Endless Summer MCs.

Warnings: Alcohol use, swearing, marijuana references.

“Seraxa!” exclaimed Varyyn in surprise, as the front doors of The Celestial slid open to reveal the Vaanti war leader and a troop of other warriors, all of whom were holding up a large log. “What has happened? Is something wrong?”

“Also, y’know, you don’t have to bash the door open,” Jake commented, joining Varyyn a moment later. “Doorbells do exist.” He emphasized this statement by jerking his thumb obviously in the direction of said doorbell.

“Was the door not intentionally locked as a test of our courage and conviction?” asked Seraxa, tilting her head quizzically.

“...What.”

“Don’t mind him, Seraxa,” said Diego a moment later, joining them at the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

“Varyyn,” Seraxa said, standing at attention. “We were able to locate the Guardian called Furball, as you had requested of us. However, the creature panicked and ran away when we approached, disappearing into the jungle.”

“That’s great!” exclaimed Diego. “Er, I mean… great that you found Furball. Not great that he ran away again. I… you know what I meant.”

“Indeed,” agreed Varyyn with a nod and a smile to reassure his husband. “Seraxa, where did you last encounter Furball?”

“In the western jungles, not far from the village,” Seraxa informed them. “Should we continue the search?”

Varyyn nodded. “Tomorrow morning, myself and the Catalysts shall join you in your efforts. Return to the village until then; it is too dark to locate Furball in the jungle with any accuracy. Thank you for informing us.”

“Yes, my elyyshar.” With that, Seraxa and the other warriors left as suddenly as they had appeared, taking their large battering ram log with them.

Varyyn, Diego, and Jake looked at one another awkwardly. “Well, that was a thing,” said Jake. “We’d better catch Fantastic Mr. Fox this time…”

“Let’s hope so!” agreed Diego. “Varyyn’s right though, it’s too dark to do much right now. We’ll start first thing in the morning.”

“For now, let us rejoin the others,” suggested Varyyn. “So that we may continue the story. With luck, we shall be able to complete at least one additional chapter before we must sleep.”

Jake shook his head, amused, as the three of them headed back toward the main lobby where the projector was set up. “Who would’ve thought everyone would get so into this?” he asked nobody in particular. “Even Varyyn, here.”

“Wait, Jake, you just called him by his actual name!” Diego pointed out excitedly. “Wow!”

“What? No I didn’t,” Jake insisted.

“Indeed you did,” said Varyyn. “You referred to me as ‘Varyyn.’ It is quite the departure from your usual method.”

“No I didn’t, Legolas,” Jake insisted again.

Diego said nothing, but smiled knowingly as they approached the ring of couches around Zahra’s projector setup. Raj was still there, asleep in his chair exactly where they had left him. Aleister and Sean were engaged in a conversation about math, of all things, from what Diego could tell, while Grace was showing Alyssa something in of one of her many textbooks. Much to Diego’s surprise, Alyssa actually seemed genuinely interested in whatever it was. “What was that noise all about?” asked Sean, looking up from his discussion with Aleister when he noticed Diego, Jake, and Varyyn approaching. “Everything’s okay, I’m guessing?”

“We bring good news,” Varyyn informed Sean and the others. “Seraxa has located Furball in the western jungles. I informed her that we will join them in their continued search in the morning, as it is too dark to effectively search for him at this time.”

“That’s great! Sounds like a plan, Varyyn,” said Sean.

“Not t’mention… we’re all too drunk to, uh, ‘effectively search at this time,’” said Jake, flopping onto the couch, right next to his wife.

“Except Estela,” said Alyssa, frowning in the general direction of the dining area. “She hasn’t had a drop to drink since we got here! Talk about a party pooper; she must’ve been spending too much time with my brother lately. Or her brother. Somebody’s brother, anyway.”

“Excuse me, but just what, precisely, are you implying?” asked Aleister defensively. “I do imbibe, you know. Moderately. On occasion.”

“The hell are you complainin’ about, Princess?” Jake asked. “All that means is there’s more of the good stuff left for us!”

At that moment, the door to the wine cellar swung open, and Zahra entered, followed by Craig, who was laden down with a large number of bottles. “Speakin’ of which, I brought a lot of the good stuff,” Zahra said as she and Craig approached the group.

“You mean I brought it,” complained Craig from behind her, setting down the bottles on the table in the center. “And now my hands hurt. Ow.”

“Oh, quit whining and start drinking,” said Zahra. Craig’s expression immediately switched to one of happiness as he opened the nearest wine bottle by hand and poured a gigantic glass for himself.

Zahra raised her eyebrows at the sight. “Wow. You’re actually maturing! This time last year, you would’ve still been drinking from the bottle.”

“What? Oh, thanks for reminding me, I forgot! I can go back to doin’ that if you want-”

“NO!” shouted Zahra and Alyssa simultaneously. Craig’s eyes went wide and he immediately resumed pouring his glass.

Just then, the doors to the kitchen swung open, and the smell of freshly-baked cupcakes wafted into the lobby, followed closely by Quinn and Michelle, each bearing a tray of said cupcakes. “Guess who made cupcakes for everyone?” said Quinn excitedly, a huge smile on her face as she set her tray down on a set of coasters that Grace had strategically arranged.

“Oh, oh, I guess: Quinn!” said Craig, as Michelle set her own tray down.

“No shit, genius,” snarked Zahra.

“That does smell quite enticing,” Varyyn said to the two newcomers. “May I?”

Quinn nodded, picking up a cupcake and passing it to the Vaanti leader. “Of course! We made plenty for everyone!”

“Cooking with love, am I right?” said Raj, who had woken up in response to the smell of cupcakes. As Michelle and Quinn started blushing and stammering furiously, he looked around the room at everyone who had arrived. “Hey, are we all here? Should we start the chapter?”

Alyssa smirked. “Sure, let’s go!” she said.

Michelle looked around the room, then frowned. “Aren’t you forgetting someone? Specifically, Ian and Estela?”

“Technically, that would be two someones,” Aleister corrected.

“...‘Sometwos?’” suggested Diego.

“What? No! That is most certainly not a word in the English language, and to be quite honest, such a word would be essentially a violation of…”

“I mean, at this point, those two might as well be one person,” said Raj, as Aleister continued to blabber on about linguistics. “‘IaStela?’ ‘EstIan?’ I dunno, what would we call them?”

“I think ‘Dragon Hero’ beats either of those,” said Jake.

“You’re just saying that because you came up with it,” Alyssa snarked.

“Princess, that… I… what… okay, you got me,” admitted Jake with a sigh. “But you gotta admit, it does sound pretty cool on its own.”

“Whatever. Let’s just start without them. They’ll figure it out next chapter.”

“Somehow, I get the feeling you would be pretty upset if Ian wanted to start without you,” said Grace. “Wouldn’t you?”

“That wouldn’t ever happen. He’s too nice to do that… ohhhhh,” said Alyssa, as realization dawned on her. “I hate to admit it, Grace, but you’ve got a point. Alright, fine, we’ll wait for them.”

Grace smiled. “I knew you’d do the right thing, Alyssa!”

“I mean, it’s impossible to stay mad at Grace for long,” Sean observed. “Right, Alyssa?”

Before Alyssa could reply, the doors to the restaurant slid open, and the two remaining Catalysts entered the lobby. “Wow. Everyone else is back already?” asked Ian.

“Good timing,” said Jake. “Princess here was about to start without you two.”

Alyssa slapped her husband in the shoulder. “You traitor…”

“Oh my god. Quinn, you are incredible,” said Estela upon spotting the cupcakes, racing over and grabbing one from the tray. “These look amazing.”

“Aww, thanks!” said Quinn. “Michelle helped too!”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short, Quinn, these were all you,” said Michelle. “I just followed your lead, really.”

“No, Michelle, you did great! Such an amazing job-”

“Just kiss already,” said Alyssa, a bit louder than she meant to, sending Michelle and Quinn into another fit of blushing. “Oh my god, you two are worse than my brother and Estela were, and I didn’t think that was physically possible,” she muttered under her breath.

“Uh… okay, then, how about we start the next chapter? Everyone okay with that?” asked Michelle, desperate to change the subject. Before anyone could actually respond, she grabbed Quinn’s time-shifted phone and opened the Choices app once again. “Well, too bad, because here we go anyway.”

“Wait, were we voting?” asked Craig randomly, as Michelle began the next chapter of Open Heart.

Open Heart: Chapter 8

Make-Believe

“Oh, no,” said Diego as the title screen appeared. “That music does not sound good.” “Not to mention, it’s really hard to dance to,” said Raj. “I liked that upbeat music from the other chapter.”

“Ha, that’s true,” observed Quinn. “The other music was definitely better for dancing!”

You glance through the window blinds, into the room where Dr. Banerji rests…

Dr. Banerji: …

“Aww, he looks so sad,” said Grace. “It must be hard, being a doctor and having a terminal disease like that.”

“I’d feel so helpless,” said Michelle, shaking her head in sympathy. “I can’t even imagine going through that, even without being a doctor.”

“Well, this is a rather somber way to begin this chapter,” Aleister observed. “With luck, perhaps our character will be able to find a cure for Dr. Banerji’s condition.”

“That would be nice,” said Raj. “Wonder what he has? Maybe our Michelle can help somehow!” He looked at the real Michelle with a big smile on his face. “‘Sides, we all know she can do anything…”

Dr. Ramsey: I’ve been trying to figure that out for the last month.

MC!Michelle: Dr. Ramsey…

“Okay, if anyone doesn’t pick ‘how can I help…’” warned Estela the moment the choices appeared.

“It would be irresponsible of us to say otherwise,” agreed Varyyn.

“Well, duh!” said Alyssa. “We shouldn’t just do nothing, if we have the choice to do something!”

“Huh?” asked a very confused Craig.

Zahra sighed in exasperation. “How the hell are you confused by that? She made perfect sense.”

“Certainly, the wording may have been grammatically incorrect, but the message was clear,” said Aleister. “If we are capable of assisting with this situation, the best course of action would be to do so.”

“My grammar was perfect!” Alyssa protested.

“Well, I agree with everyone,” said Sean. “If we can help, why wouldn’t we?”

“Oh, for sure,” agreed Michelle. “Alright, who all votes for offering to help?” The vote was decisively unanimous. “Wow. Guess we have a clear winner.”

“A unanimous vote. That’s a rare sight,” said Diego as Michelle selected the choice in question.

Ethan’s pager beeps. He checks it with a grimace.

“Pager?” asked Zahra, surprised. “When the hell does this take place, the ‘90s?”

“Believe it or not, we actually still use pagers quite a lot in the hospital,” Michelle informed her. “I know, it seems behind the times, but it works well enough.”

“Huh. I would’ve thought hospitals would have, like, some kinda super-high-tech somethin’ or other,” said Jake. “The more ya know.”

“Additionally, I am quite certain that the mention of pagers has occurred previously in this story at some point,” Aleister said. “Is that correct, Michelle?”

Michelle frowned. “I… I mean, it has to have been mentioned, right? I honestly wasn’t paying that much attention to the pagers.”

“Well. Michelle doesn’t even know. My point stands,” said Zahra. “Who the hell still uses pagers?”

“Like I said. Hospitals do.”

“Why?!”

“I don’t know… because reasons?”

Craig nodded sagely. “Wow. I never thought about that before. Makes sense.”

“I… HOW in the hell did that make any sense at all?!” demanded Zahra.

“I concur with Zahra,” said Aleister.

“Hey, ‘because reasons’ is a good enough answer for me,” said Raj. “Besides, does this really matter that much?”

“Yes,” Zahra said without hesitation.

Michelle sighed. “Why does this always happen? Can we just play through the story for once without getting sidetracked?”

“Aww, but that’s no fun,” said Craig.

“Besides, I want to know why the hell hospitals still use pagers,” Zahra reminded everyone.

“WE KNOW,” said Jake.

Quinn reached over and grabbed a cupcake from the tray on the table, offering one to Zahra. “Here, want one of my cupcakes? They’re really good…”

“Huh? Uh, sure, why not.”

As Zahra started eating the cupcake, Quinn nudged Michelle. “Go ahead. While she’s distracted,” she whispered, winking at her. Michelle smiled gratefully and continued the story, while Zahra’s mouth was too full for her to protest.

MC!Michelle: Dr. Ramsey! You can’t just tell me one of the greatest doctors this country’s ever seen is dying and then… walk away. You want me to keep this a secret, but you won’t even tell me what ‘this’ is.

He rubs his stubbled chin and sighs.

Dr. Ramsey: Come by my house after work tonight. I’ll explain everything, I promise.

Meet Ethan at his place?

“You know what, guys?” asked Michelle, turning back toward the group with an excited look on her face. “I think it’s time we actually picked a Dr. Ramsey diamond choice.”

“Seconded. We have to find out about Dr. Banerji!” said Estela. “We all agree, right?”

Quinn frowned. “I get it, Michelle, but… as usual, we still don’t know what the other diamond choices will be…” she reminded them.

“Yo, Aleister! What are the other diamond choices?” asked Craig.

Aleister looked over at Craig with a perplexed expression on his face. “What? Me? Why on Earth would you think I would have any possible way of knowing what the other diamond choices are?”

“Uh, ‘cause you can tell the future, duh,” Craig stated, as though this were the most obvious answer in the world. “Who else would I ask?”

There was a long silence as everyone (except Craig) looked at each other in complete and utter confusion. “Grace,” said Aleister finally, “do you have the faintest idea what he could be referring to? I most certainly do not have prescient abilities of any kind; one would think such a fact would have been made apparent well before now.”

Grace shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine,” she admitted.

“Hold up, didn’t he say something about you seeing the future during the last chapter?” Raj asked. “You guessed what he was gonna vote ahead of time, or something. Pretty sure that’s what it was.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Sean. “Raj, I think you’re on to something. I remember a conversation like that too, actually.”

“See? I’m right, Aleister can tell the future!”

“What? No, he can’t tell the goddamn future,” said Zahra with an exasperated sigh, once she had finished the cupcake from earlier. “That settles it, I need a freakin’ drink.” She picked up her glass and took a long sip.

“Hey, you cheated!” Alyssa protested. “Diamond choices aren’t drinks!”

“I propose we just make ‘Craig says something stupid’ a new drink rule,” suggested Zahra.

“Sure, if you all want to die of alcohol poisoning by the end of the night,” Michelle snarked.

Everyone laughed at this comment. Including Craig.

“Actually, now that you mention it,” Raj said, “we should be drinking now. It shouldn’t cost money just to meet Dr. Ramsey for dinner, so this counts as an unnecessary diamond choice, right?”

“Oh yeah!” said Jake. “Wow. I’d definitely forgotten all about that rule. Well, you know what that means… drink, y’all!”

Most of the group took a sip of their respective drinks. “Heh. Saved by the Jake,” said Zahra. “And Raj, too.”

“You’re welcome,” Jake said in response. “And are we gonna be votin’, or what?”

“I’ve got it this time,” said Alyssa before Aleister or anyone else could beat her to it. “Though we all know what’s gonna win… we can’t miss this chance!”

“You are behaving far from impartially…” Aleister said.

“I know, and I don’t care,” said Alyssa. “Who votes for the best option, a.k.a. ‘Let’s talk tonight?’” She raised her hand immediately, followed a moment later by Michelle, Zahra, Diego, Estela, Ian, Aleister, Grace, Sean, and Varyyn. “Alright, we win. Michelle?”

“Wait, we didn’t do the other choice yet!” argued Craig.

“You’re right, but… there aren’t enough people left to win the vote,” Quinn said. “Ten of them already voted. They win no matter what.”

“I know, I don’t care about that,” said Craig. “I just wanted to raise my hand.”

“Uh, Craigslist, you can just do that anyway, y’know,” said Jake. “You don’t need a vote to raise your hand.”

“Wait, really?” asked Craig, before randomly raising his hand. “Whoa!”

“Alright, we’ve got our vote, let’s keep going,” said Michelle, ignoring Craig’s strange astonishment at being able to raise his hand without a reason.

“The mystery deepens! This is going to be so exciting!” said Diego with a huge smile, as Michelle purchased the diamond option.

“Aww, he smiled when we picked it! That’s adorable,” commented Quinn when the purchase happened.

Dr. Ramsey: And I mean it, Michelle. Not a word of this to anyone.

He touches your arm, staring at you gravely.

Dr. Ramsey: Not even Harper Emery. Promise me.

You swallow, realizing the magnitude of what’s happening.

MC!Michelle: …

“You weren’t kiddin’ when you said ‘the mystery deepens,’ Underdog,” Jake said to Diego. “Shit’s gettin’ real.”

“Wait, can Diego tell the future too?!” asked Craig, who was still waving his hand in the air randomly. “How crazy is that?”

“Listen, nobody here can freakin’ tell the future!” shouted Zahra.

“Uh, technically, they kinda can,” Raj reminded her, pointing at the twins.

Alyssa blushed, shrugging her shoulders. “We can’t actually ‘tell the future,’ just send things forward and backward in time,” she corrected.

“Besides… always in motion is the future,” added Ian, quoting Yoda. Diego air-fived him at the reference.

Craig suddenly gazed at the twins, inspiration dawning on his face. “Hold on a sec. Dudes… if you can send Quinn’s phone into the future… what if we looked up sports scores on it, and bet tons of money on the games? WE COULD ALL BE GAZILLIONAIRES!”

“Excuse you, but ‘gazillion’ is most certainly not an actual number,” Aleister said.

“Ah, who cares, you get what I meant,” Craig grumbled.

“And we are not using our powers like that,” Ian insisted. “We’ve been over this. Like, at least 25 times by now.”

“Where’s your sense of fun?” asked Alyssa. “Did you leave it next to your sense of humor, or something?”

“Besides,” said Grace as Ian rolled his eyes at his sister’s comment, “that wouldn’t be fair to whoever we bet against! They don’t have magic time powers on their side.”

“Thank you, Grace!” said Ian. “See? At least someone’s sensible around here.”

“As tempting as it is, Grace has a point,” admitted Michelle. “We can’t keep relying on the twins for stupid things.”

“How is ONE GAZILLION DOLLARS stupid?!” demanded Craig.

“And I repeat, ‘one gazillion’ is not an actual number!” argued Aleister once again.

“You know what? I think this story is really ramping up the mystery,” Sean said loudly, completely out of nowhere. “I vote ‘I promise.’ Who else agrees?”

There was a momentary awkward silence as everyone suddenly remembered the choice they were supposed to be discussing. “Hey, time twins, which choice wins-” Craig started to ask, before Zahra smacked him over the head with the rolled-up newspaper from before.

“I mean, the choice here is obvious,” said Michelle. “Who would ever pick anything besides ‘I promise?’”

“Same here,” said Quinn.

“I honestly kinda like ‘I’ll see you tonight,’ both for the flirtiness and because it’s a total troll move,” admitted Jake.

“Too late, already picked,” said Michelle as she selected the ‘I promise’ option.

“I VOTE FOR SOMETHING!” shouted Craig, launching his hand into the air again.

“Michelle! You cannot simply override the principle of democracy whenever you feel-” Aleister started to protest, before Grace placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a knowing look. He immediately calmed down.

You emerge from the under-construction corridor to find Zaid bearing down on you.

Zaid: Unless you decided to quit medicine to become a foreman, I’m not sure what you could possibly be doing in there!

MC!Michelle: Oh, um, I was…

“You know, I’m low-key disappointed that ‘yes, I actually became a foreman’ isn’t one of the options,” said Zahra when the choices appeared.

“That would definitely be a great response,” agreed Sean. “Seeing what we’ve got, though… I say ‘lost.’”

“Well, ‘lost’ would be way funnier, so…’” said Raj.

“Not that either of these options are convincing excuses for being in a restricted area,” Michelle said. “That said, I’d also go with ‘lost.’”

“Oh, definitely, same here,” agreed Estela.

“But wouldn’t ‘looking for a quiet place to study’ make at least a little more sense?” asked Grace. “Those are hard to find, after all. Once at Hartfeld I somehow ended up in a maintenance hallway during finals week, looking for a study spot!”

“Why am I not surprised?” said Ian. “Actually, you know what, I’m voting for that one too.”

“She’s got a point,” admitted Alyssa. “‘Quiet place to study’ gets my vote.”

“I trust Maybelline’s judgement on this one,” said Jake. “I’m goin’ with ‘lost.’”

“What?!” said Alyssa. “Did you even hear what Grace said?”

Jake sighed. “Yep, I heard her, but she ain’t the one who’s been in an actual hospital,” he said.

“That is not a reason to vote,” argued Alyssa. “Besides, looking for a place to study is at least some kind of excuse.”

“But d’you really think Zaid would believe that?” said Jake. “I mean, really?”

“He’d believe it more than ‘I’m lost,’” said Alyssa.

“What? But how-”

“Alright, enough. That’s one vote for ‘lost,’ one point for ‘looking for somewhere to study,’” interrupted Michelle. “Who else?”

“Those two argue like a married couple,” Craig ‘whispered’ (extremely loudly) to Zahra.

“Almost like they’re actually married or something, dumbass,” Zahra snarked back. “By the way, you still need to vote.”

“Wait, we’re voting? No fair!” said Craig. “Uh, I vote the study thing!”

“I, for one, concur with Grace,” put in Aleister. “Any reasonable response would certainly be preferable to claiming to be ‘lost,’ after all.”

“Agreed,” said Varyyn. “After all, any answer is better than no answer at all, as claiming ‘lost’ would be.”

“But ‘Lost’ is a pretty good show… at least until the end,” said Diego.

“What?”

Diego sighed. “Never mind,” he said. Then he thought for a moment. “You know what? I’m going with ‘quiet place to study,’ actually,” he decided. “...Was that everyone?”

“Not quite,” said Grace. “Zahra and Quinn still haven’t voted!”

“Props to you for keepin’ track, because I sure as hell wasn’t,” said Jake. “Little Mermaid? Skrillex? You gonna vote, or what?”

“Cool it, Jack, I’ll vote when I vote,” said Zahra, with an added death glare for good measure.

Jake turned to the others in confusion. “...Did she just call me ‘Jack?’”

“I… guess I’ll vote for ‘lost,’” said Quinn. “Like you said, Jake, I trust Michelle’s judgement.”

Zahra sighed and leaned back in her chair as everyone looked expectantly at her. After several long moments of not saying anything, she laughed. “Oh, man. Your faces! That never gets old.” Then she shrugged. “And I vote looking for a study space or whatever. There.”

“Okay, now everyone’s voted,” said Grace.

“That has got to be the most chaotic vote we’ve ever done,” Sean remarked. “Which choice won?”

Grace thought for a moment, counting up the votes mentally. “8-6, ‘quiet place to study’ wins,” she announced.

“Well, that took unnecessarily forever,” said Michelle as she selected the ‘Looking for a quiet place to study!’ option.

Zaid: You really expect me to believe that? Do you think I’m a complete idiot?

“I told you so,” Michelle said.

You hurry off toward the elevator. But as you go, you can’t help but look back at the blocked-off corridor and think of Dr. Banerji all alone…

“Phew, dodged a bullet there, for sure,” said Jake.

“Talk about sad, though,” said Quinn. “Dr. Banerji in that room, all by himself…”

“All by him-seeeeeeeeeeelf,” Craig started singing, VERY badly.

Thankfully for the other Catalysts’ ears, Zahra picked up a cupcake and jammed it into Craig’s mouth. “Thank heavens,” Aleister said.

Zahra smirked. “Thank Quinn over here. She’s the one who gave me the idea…”

Quinn looked away, embarrassed. “Sorry, Zahra. I was just-”

“Hey, it wasn’t all bad. It was a small price to pay for a new way of shutting Craig up.”

“You’re not… mad at me?”

“Heh. Do I look mad?”

“Besides, nobody could stay mad at your adorable face for long, Quinn,” Michelle added, causing Quinn’s face to turn almost as red as her hair.

Craig finally swallowed the cupcake in his mouth, and immediately reached for another one. “Whoa! These are awesome, thanks, Z!” he said, stuffing the next one into his mouth as well.

Zahra whistled in appreciation. “And it’s a long-lasting method of shutting him up, too,” she observed. “Alright, let’s get on with the story!”

You step off the subway and rub your arms as the cool night air hits you. You pull out your phone, following the directions on your map app to the address Ethan sent you.

“I have to say… ‘map app’ is really awkward to say out loud,” Michelle said. “I feel like a Dr. Seuss character.”

“Or the Aflac duck,” suggested Craig helpfully, after swallowing the second cupcake. “You know: MAP APP!” He said the words in an imitation of said Aflac duck.

“What the hell is your brain, Craig?” asked Zahra.

“Awesome, duh,” he replied, without missing a beat.

He shrugs as he closes the door, glancing at the stunning views as if he’d forgotten they existed.

Dr. Ramsey: I’m barely ever here. Wine?

He pads into the kitchen. There’s a bottle of wine on the counter, already more than half-empty. Two glasses sit beside it, one already full.

MC!Michelle: …

“Yes, please!” blurted Zahra, taking a gulp from her own wine glass shortly after.

“Seconded,” said Raj.

“Hell yeah,” agreed Alyssa and Craig simultaneously.

Jake held up a hand. “Alright, new rule: if ‘Yes, please’ wins, then we all get to drink.”

Zahra shrugged guiltily. “Whoops. Too late.”

“And you all get mad at me for drinkin’ at the wrong time…” Craig muttered.

“This is absolutely underhanded! This is bribery of the highest order!” protested Aleister.

Jake smirked. “All’s fair in love, war, and voting on app games, Draco.”

“Besides, what if not everyone wants to drink?” asked Ian, despite he himself holding a half-empty wine glass in his hand.

“I mean, no one’s forcing you to be a stick in the mud,” teased Alyssa. “You do what you want.”

Michelle smiled, shaking her head in amusement. “Alright, well, I think we all know what’s going to win,” she said. “Do we still want to vote, or should I get on with it?”

“Get on with it!” everyone (except Aleister) said.

“Yes, get on with it!” quoted Diego in a British accent.

“Are you honestly suggesting we override democracy for such an inane reason? I can hardly fathom such a…” protested Aleister.

As he continued rambling in the background, Michelle selected the ‘Yes, please’ choice. “I mean, everyone except Aleister voted to just pick the choice,” she pointed out. “13 to 1, ‘vote’ lost fair and square.”

“Did we just vote on whether or not we should vote?” asked Diego. “Whoa, plot twist!”

“Vote-ception!” said Raj. “Awesome!”

Before Michelle could start reading the next line of the story, Jake lifted his glass above his head. “Hold up, Maybelline,” he said. “First, we gotta drink, y’a--”

“Y’ALL!” shouted Craig before Jake could finish. Immediately after, he took a huge gulp of wine.

“We just had this discussion last chapter,” groaned Zahra. “Stop saying ‘y’all!’”

“Too late,” said Craig with a huge grin on his face.

Dr. Ramsey: To the unknown.

[WINE: Clink Ethan’s glass.]

“Wow, talk about a very fitting ‘drink, y’all,’” said Jake as he and the others laughed at the timing of the one-option choice.

“Well, I’m not complaining,” said Zahra, leaning forward to refill her glass. She glanced over to her left at Estela, who was eating one of Quinn’s cupcakes. “Want some?” she asked, holding out a fresh wine glass to her.

Estela shook her head, looking away. “Thanks, but no,” she said.

“I’ll take hers!” shouted Craig.

“You already have some, moron,” Zahra snarked. Then she turned back to Estela. “Hey, uh… I know I’m total shit at this kinda stuff, but… you okay? This isn’t really like you.”

Estela smiled and waved off Zahra’s concerns. “Thanks, Zahra. I’m okay though, really.”

Zahra shrugged. “Whatever, then. Still… y’know if something’s wrong, you can talk to any of us, right? We’ve all got your back.”

“I know. But there’s nothing wrong with me. Promise.”

“Cool. Just checking.” Then Zahra leaned around Estela, looking over at Ian, who was currently chatting with Diego about Star Wars. “Yo, time boy,” she said, and he turned at the sound of her voice. “You’d better be takin’ good care of Estela, understand?”

Zahra followed this with a death glare in his direction, but Ian just smiled reassuringly. “Always,” he said, as he and Estela exchanged a loving glance.

“Alright, alright, just makin’ sure. Not that I care that much,” Zahra added unconvincingly, turning back to where Craig was now debating with Raj over whether cheese tastes more ‘yellow’ or ‘green.’ Upon realizing what their argument was about, she facepalmed. “Why…?” she asked nobody in particular.

* * *

“So! We gonna keep goin’ or what, Little MerMaybelline?” asked Jake a short while later, glancing pointedly at the armchair that Quinn and Michelle were now sharing.

The two of them were sitting so close they were practically in each other’s laps, chatting animatedly about something or other. At Jake’s comment, they leapt apart so fast that Michelle dropped Quinn’s phone. “I… uh… what? Yeah, of course we’ll keep going,” stammered Michelle as she bent down both to retrieve the phone and to hide her blushing face while she recovered herself.

“Seriously. Just kiss already,” muttered Alyssa much quieter than before, having learned her lesson. Jake laughed and gave his wife a long kiss. “…Not exactly what I meant.”

“Oh? You didn’t want me to kiss you, Princess? Is that what you ‘meant?’”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and smiled. “You know full well what I meant. But your kiss was nice, too.”

“Alright, alright, let’s go,” said Michelle, still blushing heavily. Quinn, for her part, had picked up one of the cupcake trays and was rearranging the cupcakes, probably more to have something to do than because the cupcakes actually needed rearranging. “And Zahra? I’m sure Estela’s fine, I wouldn’t worry about her. Everybody ready?”

Everyone went quiet… well, almost everyone. “But if bleu cheese tastes ‘blue,’ then does that mean mixing it with regular cheese would make it taste ‘green-’” Craig was saying. He instantly shut up when he noticed everyone staring at him. “Right, okay, back to the story.”

MC!Michelle: Dr. Ramsey… what’s going on? What’s Dr. Banerji’s diagnosis?

Dr. Ramsey: I don’t know.

MC!Michelle: But you’re the best diagnostician in the country!

“OH MY GOD, DR. BANERJI’S PREGNANT?!” shouted Craig.

Everyone stared at him. All Michelle could possibly say in response to this was simply: “What.”

“Dia-go-stritian,” said Craig, attempting to pronounce ‘diagnostician.’ “Isn’t that the doctor that treats pregnant people? Is that what Dr. Ramsey is?”

“Diag-nos-tician,” enunciated Michelle. “And you’re thinking of obstetrician. A ‘diagnostician’ is-”

“A ‘diagnostician’ is when a line is on an angle, but not horizontal or vertical,” said Raj with a big grin on his face.

Michelle sighed. “No, Raj, that’s… that’s ‘diagonal,’” she corrected. “A ‘diagnostician’ is-”

“A type of huge reptile that lived in the Mesozoic Era,” said Diego, catching on.

Michelle rolled her eyes. “Diego, that’s… that’s a dinosaur,” she said, completely serious. “A ‘diagnostician’ is-”

“That place in Harry Potter where they do their shopping,” said Jake.

“Whoa, I didn’t know you were a Harry Potter fan,” said Craig.

Jake gave him an incredulous look. “You kiddin’? I call him ‘Malfoy’ and ‘Slytherin’ all the damn time,” he said, pointing to Aleister.

“Oh yeah,” said Craig.

“Anyway,” put in Michelle, “you are thinking of DIAGON ALLEY, you idiot. A ‘diagnostician’ is-”

“Those little black rectangles with white dots on them that you can set up to knock over in creative ways,” said Sean.

Michelle massaged her temples in frustration. “I… what… no. Those are dominoes. A ‘diagnostician’ is-”

“My favorite animal!” chirped Quinn excitedly. “The one that lives in the ocean and does flips!”

“You too?!” demanded a flabbergasted Michelle. “How did you get ‘diagnostician’ and ‘dolphin’ mixed up…” Her voice trailed off as she realized everyone (save a bewildered Aleister) were struggling to contain their laughter. “Oh. Come on. What do you think this is, a Tumblr post or something?”

Unnoticed by anyone, a certain crabby crustacean popped its head up outside the window for a moment.

“Took you long enough,” said Raj over the din of everyone’s laughter. “But man, that was great! You should’ve seen your face!”

Michelle tried and failed to suppress a smile. “Alright, I admit, that was pretty good,” she said, laughing along with the others. “But getting back to the original topic,” she stated, once her laughter had died down a bit, “no, Dr. Ramsey is not an obstetrician. And most certainly, Dr. Banerji isn’t pregnant, and neither is anyone else, so can we please change the subject?”

“Seriously,” agreed Ian quickly, “let’s just keep going.”

Craig’s face fell. “Aww…” he said. “I thought I was on to something.”

Dr. Ramsey: I told him I was going to tell Dr. Emery. He chased me down and begged me to keep it to myself. I’d never seen him beg before. The idea of anyone knowing he was sick… almost seemed to break him.

MC!Michelle: But…

“Wow…” said Quinn softly. “This just got deep.”

“Least that explains why he told us to keep it a secret,” said Jake. “Man, what would it be like to be a doctor, and be sick? It’s gotta be like bein’ a pilot riding a crashing plane….”

“That you probably crashed,” snarked Alyssa. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Then she went back to serious. “Realistically, though, I get it. Sort of like we were talking about with Remy before; sometimes it might be harder knowing exactly what’s happening, but not being able to fix it.”

“Knowledge is sometimes a double-edged sword,” agreed Grace. “Which, come to think of it, is kind of the other side of ‘ignorance is bliss,’ you could say!”

“Hmm,” said Aleister thoughtfully. “While I do concede you have a valid point, I must maintain that it is at least better to be informed than not, even in such a difficult situation. The outcome will be the same regardless, no?”

“Everyone has their own way of looking at these kind of things,” observed Michelle. “Me, personally, though, I would want to know. Even if it’s something there’s no cure for… well, who knows? We of all people know better than anyone what kind of miracles are possible.” She gazed lovingly at Quinn, who smiled back, knowing full well which specific miracle Michelle was referring to.

“Well said, Michelle. Well said,” agreed Aleister.

Raj stretched and let out a huge, loud yawn, startling everyone. “Uh… sorry?” he said as everyone stared at him. “When you gotta yawn, you gotta yawn,” he added with an apologetic shrug.

Sean pulled out his phone to check the time. “Whoa!” he exclaimed. “It’s already way past midnight. Raj, if you’re tired--”

“Nah, I’m fine!” Raj said, waving away Sean’s concerns. “Besides, we can’t just stop mid-chapter!”

“Yeah, that’s illegal! ...Or something,” said Craig.

“We could just power through this chapter, and then go to bed,” suggested Grace. “I’m feeling pretty tired too, now that we mention it.”

“Same,” admitted Diego. “But first things first…” he said with a grin, “…who votes ‘Why would he feel that way?’”

“Wow. Diego of all people bein’ sneaky with the votes? That’s a first,” said Zahra.

Diego blushed as the others laughed good-naturedly. “You’ll find I’m full of surprises,” he quoted in a remarkable imitation of Luke Skywalker.

“Now that is definitely not a first,” said Jake. “Oh, also, I vote ‘Why would he feel that way’ too.”

“Oh, right!” said Craig. “We’re voting! Uh… wait, no, I vote the one about Dr. Emery.”

Michelle sighed. “Look, just raise your hands if you like the one Diego asked about!”

“That would be ‘Why would he feel that way?’” clarified Diego, who raised his hand, as did Jake, Zahra, Aleister, Estela, and Varyyn. “Okay, and ‘Dr. Emery deserves to know?’” The rest of the group raised their hands: Sean, Craig, Michelle, Quinn, Grace, Raj, and the twins. Diego mentally counted up the votes. “Aww, my choice lost. Well, guess we’re going with the second one!”

“Wait no, sorry, Diego!” said Craig. “I change my mind then!”

“Craig, you can’t just change your mind because Diego’s sad,” said Zahra.

“Yes you can!”

Zahra sighed, putting her head in her hands. “...Why do I bother?” she asked aloud.

Diego laughed and shook his head. “I appreciate it, Craig, but my choice wouldn’t win either way, so it’s fine! Michelle, would you do the honors?”

“Thanks, Diego,” said Michelle, selecting the winning choice.

Dr. Ramsey: Perhaps the old her would have taken my side. But today, she’s the administration. Her duty is to the board of directors now. But it must be done. When there isn’t a path, you make your own.

MC!Michelle: Alright, but…

“First of all, can I just say,” said Michelle the moment the choice appeared, “hospital administration sucks.”

“I can believe it,” agreed Ian. “I definitely understand where he’s coming from here.”

“You’d think the people in charge of a hospital would care more about their patients… and their employees, too,” said Quinn, “but in my experience… yeah, no.”

“Sad but true,” said Michelle, shaking her head, “sad but true.”

“I do like Dr. Ramsey’s line at the end there,” put in Estela. “‘When there isn’t a path, you make your own.’”

Ian smiled warmly. “That’s Estela, all right,” he said, pulling her into an embrace. Everyone smiled at the two of them (except Alyssa, who mimed vomiting instead).

“I want that on a t-shirt,” said Diego. “Talk about inspirational!”

“You do not need a t-shirt, as I have said before,” Varyyn said to his husband. “You look much better without one.”

“Varyyn!” said Diego suddenly, his face turning bright red. “Don’t say that in front of everyone!”

“What?” asked the elyyshar innocently.

Aleister cleared his throat. “If we are quite finished, I would just like to say-”

“VOTE TIEM NOW,” declared Zahra in a sarcastic ‘caveman’ voice. “Yeah, we know.”

“Before we actually vote,” said Michelle, “let me just say that finding out what the tests show is way more important than anything else. That should be our choice, here; who else agrees?”

“Pardon me,” said Aleister, “but you cannot simply-”

“Have you been in medical school for the past two years?” asked Michelle. At Aleister’s stunned silence, she continued, “Didn’t think so. So anyway, who votes ‘what did the tests show?’” Michelle, Quinn, Jake, Raj, Sean, both twins, Estela, Grace, Diego, and Zahra raised their hands (while Aleister made some weird noises of protest in the background.) “Yep, that’s what I thought.”

Dr. Ramsey: It was like a game I’d mastered. A… a competition against death I was winning handily. And now… I lost Dolores, and I’m going to lose Naveen. The two people on Earth I gave a damn about are the two people I couldn’t save.

MC!Michelle: …

“So many choices, so little time,” remarked Diego as yet another choice appeared. “Well, actually, they aren’t timed choices, so we’ve got all the time in the world, but still, generally, they’ve been coming faster than normal, so you could still say ‘so little time’ to mean…” His voice trailed off as he noticed everyone looking at him quizzically. “You know what? I’ll stop now.”

Varyyn rested a hand on his shoulder. “It is all right, Diego,” he said. Then he turned to the group. “‘A competition against death…’ such a thing can never truly be won, can it?” he mused. “A hard lesson to learn. ‘Some choices must last.’”

Everyone took a moment to bow their heads in memory of Ximaedra. “He’s right,” said Michelle finally. “In medical school they gave us a talk about that. How our job is to keep people happy and alive, but no human on Earth can live forever. We’ll all fail at some point.”

“Must be rough for someone like Dr. Ramsey,” said Raj. “He’s so good at what he does… failing like this must be even harder than usual to deal with.”

“I feel like Dr. Banerji isn’t the only one who ‘doesn’t want to be saved,’” Quinn observed. “Dr. Ramsey also feels like he’s given up. I… I can understand why.”

“It’s such a sad situation,” commented Grace. “Both doctors must feel so helpless.”

“Yeah…” muttered Zahra. “This sucks.”

“So, shall we take an actual, unbiased vote this time?” asked Aleister, looking pointedly at Michelle. “Since there was clear interference in the previous one.”

“Excuse you, Aleister, but advice is not ‘interference,’” Michelle argued. “Just because I had a suggestion on the best choice to pick doesn’t make the vote any less fair!”

“How absurd. Do you have any concept of what you are-”

“Alright, enough,” said Sean, gently but firmly. “Aleister, shouldn’t you take the vote?”

Aleister looked up in surprise. “Hmm? Er, yes, my apologies. You are quite correct. All in favor of the first selection?” For ‘Dr. Banerji means a lot to you,’ Estela, Ian, Varyyn, Raj, Zahra, and Aleister himself raised their hands. “And for the second choice?” Alyssa, Jake, Diego, Michelle, Quinn, Sean, Craig, and Grace all raised their hands for ‘It seems like Dr. Banerji doesn’t want to be saved.’ Aleister quickly counted up the totals. “It would appear the second selection has won the vote,” he declared. “Shall we?”

Dr. Ramsey: He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s given his life to his work. He never married, he never had children. And now he’s alone, facing an illness he can’t even put a name to. Wouldn’t you be terrified? Wouldn’t you think it was easier to run from the problem?

“This chapter is just… all the feels,” commented Diego.

Michelle nodded. “No kidding. I feel so bad for Dr. Banerji….”

“I just have to say, right now,” declared Alyssa, looking pointedly at her brother, “thank God for Diego and Estela… and me of course. Otherwise you would’ve ended up just like this, Ian.”

Ian promptly turned a bright shade of red. “‘Lyss!” he shouted indignantly. “I wasn’t that bad! Come on.”

“I may not have known my own sibling for as long as you have known yours, Alyssa,” said Aleister, “but I must concur. It is quite fortunate that the two of them have found each other, or she may have shared a similar fate.”

Now it was Estela’s turn to blush. Followed shortly by a death glare toward Aleister, naturally.

Alyssa shrugged mock-innocently. “What? It’s the truth… you definitely had less friends than me in grade school. ...And middle school. ...And high school. ...And college-”

“It’s not a competition,” groaned Ian.

As they all continued to banter, Raj leaned over to Craig. “Man, I love this show,” he joked, pulling out another random bucket of popcorn. Craig eagerly grabbed a whole fistful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth.

“If we’re done,” said Michelle sternly, and the arguing siblings (and siblings-in-law) stopped talking abruptly. “Can we please continue?”

“Aww,” groaned Raj and Craig simultaneously. Zahra slapped Craig in response.

He hunches forward, bowing his head. You watch his shoulders rise and fall as he steadies his breathing.

MC!Michelle: (What do I do?)

“Shameless flirting, drink, y’all!” declared Jake triumphantly, raising his glass.

“Oh man, I’d completely forgotten about that rule,” admitted Raj.

“Dude, you came up with these rules in the first place!” Zahra reminded him.

“Oh yeah,” Raj said sheepishly.

“Well, I think it only counts if we actually take the flirting option, right?” said Quinn.

Sean laughed. “True, otherwise we’d all probably have died of alcohol poisoning by now.” He looked around at the group. “So, what do we choose?”

Michelle sighed. “Given that one of these options counts as a drink, I think we all know what’s going to win,” she admitted. “But anyway, who votes ‘Promise to help him?’” She raised her hand, and was joined by Ian, Estela, Aleister, Sean, and Grace. “And the shameless flirting option?’” This time, Jake, Alyssa, Raj, Zahra, Varyyn, Craig, Diego, and Sean. “Whoa. Closer than I expected,” she said as she tallied up the votes. “But still, the predictable outcome.”

“Alright, drink, y’all! For real this time!” proclaimed Jake excitedly. Most of the Catalysts took a sip of their drink of choice as Michelle selected the chosen option.

The next morning, you’re heading to meet your new patient. You notice a small crowd of surgical interns gathered in the hallway. Bryce stands at the center, grinning.

“Wait, what?” asked Raj. “That was… abrupt.”

“Awkward transition is awkward,” commented Diego. “But I wonder what Bryce is so happy about? Either way, I’m just happy to see Bryce again!”

“Amen,” said Alyssa.

MC!Michelle: What happened?

Bryce: There was a complication, and the general surgeon was taking too long to arrive. So I stepped up and asked Dr. Tanaka to tell me what to do. I saved the patient and scored a solo surgery. Win, win.

MC!Michelle: That sounds like you’re making…

“Whoa,” said Sean. “Bryce’s pretty impressive.”

“Hot, too,” added Quinn with a giggle.

“Well, I think we all know what Sean’s voting,” snarked Zahra. “It’s pretty much exactly one of the options.”

Sean glanced up at the screen. “Ha. True,” he laughed. “Nice one, Zahra! Alright, who else agrees with ‘A good impression?’”

“What, we’re voting already?” asked Craig. “Uh… I vote that one!”

“That was quick,” Alyssa observed.

In addition to Craig and Sean, Quinn, Ian, Diego, and Grace all raised their hands to vote. “And that makes six votes,” said Sean after a quick count. “Alright, and the other choice?”

“Bryce is impressive, I admit,” said Michelle, “but from what I hear about surgery, it’s pretty cutthroat. Bryce should be careful.” She raised her hand for the ‘Some enemies’ option.

“Agreed. You can never be too cautious,” said Estela, raising her hand as well.

“That’s our Estela for you,” said Diego with a smile.

Estela shrugged. “What? It’s true.”

“She’s got a point,” agreed Jake. “I’m votin’ for that one too.”

“Indeed, it is quite prudent to remain vigilant, especially in a hyper-competitive environment such as surgery,” agreed Aleister.

As Alyssa, Varyyn, Raj, and Zahra added their own votes to the group, Sean counted up the remaining votes. “Well, looks like ‘some enemies’ wins,” he declared.

Craig cheered. “Yes!” he exclaimed.

“Craig… you voted for the other one,” Zahra pointed out.

“Wait, really? Aww...”

Bryce: So, are you coming to Boston Common tonight?

MC!Michelle: That big park? What for?

Bryce: They do this thing called Classics on the Common once a month where they play an old movie on a big outdoor screen.

“Why is it blue?” Craig asked, referring to the words ‘Classics on the Common.’

Raj shrugged. “Why not?”

“Whoa. That’s deep, man,” Craig said, nodding sagely. Zahra gave him a confused look.

“This ‘Classics on the Common’ thing�� I gotta say already, I am so down!” exclaimed Diego. “If there’s a choice, I’m definitely voting yes.”

“Sadly, I’m suspecting a diamond choice,” said Michelle. “And we’ve already spent our diamond choice this chapter. Though it was definitely worth it.”

Diego frowned at the realization. “Aww… I hope you’re wrong, Michelle.”

“You know, I have offered repeatedly to purchase as many diamonds as you might req-”

“WE KNOW,” everyone except Aleister and Grace said simultaneously.

Bryce: I already told your roommates, so… maybe I’ll see you there?

MC!Michelle: …

“Boom! YES!” shouted Diego excitedly. “It’s not a diamond choice!”

Michelle smiled mischievously. “I’ve never been so wrong in all my life,” she said in a British accent, a big smile on her face.

Diego lit up instantly. “Michelle… was that a movie reference?!”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

Quinn smiled. “Either way,” she said, “I’m also glad we don’t have to miss out on a scene with Bryce. So that makes two of us!” She air-fived Diego.

“Be that as it may,” said Aleister, significantly louder than was necessary, “we do still need to take an actual vote on this choice.”

Jake sighed. “Y’know, Slytherin, this would all go a lot faster if you’d quit insistin’ on random votes,” he said.

“They are not ‘random’ votes,” Aleister insisted with a huff. “They are vital to the continuation of democracy-”

“In a phone game? Come on,” groaned Alyssa. “Let’s just get on with it!”

“If that is how you feel, then you should cease your constant interruptions and permit me to continue with the vote!”

Alyssa and Jake looked at one another awkwardly. “Huh. He’s got a point,” Jake admitted finally. “Alright, let’s just do this.”

“Well. That was unnecessary, wasn’t it? All in favor of ‘save me a seat near you’?” Quinn and Diego’s hands shot up instantly, followed shortly by Estela, Ian, Raj, Alyssa, Grace, Michelle, Sean, Craig, and Varyyn. “Very well, and all in favor of ‘I’ll check my schedule’?” Aleister himself, along with Jake and Zahra, raised their hands.

“I think it’s pretty obvious who won,” Raj commented.

Michelle nodded. “Yep. And I can’t say I’m complaining.” Smiling, she selected the ‘save me a seat near you’ choice.

Bryce: Great. Fair warning, I talk during movies. A lot.

“Just like you, Varyyn,” Diego commented, glancing sideways at his husband.

“Why?” asked Varyyn. “Is it unusual to speak during a film?”

“Well, usually people are quiet when they’re watching movies,” Diego explained. “But I don’t mind it when you ask me questions! It’s kinda fun to explain movies to you, actually. It’s like I’m watching my favorites for the first time, all over again!”

Varyyn smiled. “I… I thank you, Diego,” he said, unsure of how else to respond to that.

“People also sometimes talk durin’ movies that they’re makin’ fun of,” Jake added. “Like the ‘so bad it’s good’ types.”

Diego laughed. “True! Good point, Jake.”

“You mean like we are doing right now with this story?” asked Varyyn.

Jake and Diego glanced at each other, then shrugged. “Sorta,” admitted Jake finally. “Close enough, anyway.”

“Ah. I see.”

The nurses direct you to a young woman waiting in the E.R. A guy the same age sits beside her. He reaches out to shake your hand, pumping it enthusiastically.

Rowan: Doctor! Hi!

MC!Michelle: Wow, hi. And hello…

You check the chart.

MC!Michelle: Willow?

Willow: That’s me. And this is my twin brother, Rowan.

MC!Michelle: Willow and Rowan? Those are both…

“Pokemon professors!” Diego blurted out.

Ian laughed. “You’re not wrong,” he said. “But somehow, I don’t think that’s what they were going for.”

“...Weird names?” guessed Craig.

“Also true,” Raj agreed.

Quinn raised her hand excitedly. “Ooh! They’re trees, right?”

Michelle struggled to contain her laughter as she nodded. “Quinn, you don’t have to raise your hand, you know!” she said. “But you’re right, and that’s definitely more likely than the other two guesses.” Diego and Craig frowned, and Quinn broke into an excited grin.

Willow: They’re hippies.

Rowan: Total hippies.

MC!Michelle: Really?

“That explains a lot,” Zahra stated.

“Gotta say, I love that ‘what kinda hippies’ is an option,” laughed Raj. “I know where my vote’s going!”

“Same here, man,” agreed Craig. “Who else?”

Stunned at Craig actually taking a vote normally, there was a momentary delay before Alyssa, Jake, Raj, Diego, Varyyn, Quinn, Michelle, Sean, Ian, and Estela raised their hands. “Whoa,” said Zahra. “Did that just happen?”

“Did what just happen?” asked Craig.

Zahra sighed. “Never mind,” she said. “Guess we know which choice won.”

Michelle nodded. “Yep. Nice job, Craig!” she said.

“Nice job on what?”

Willow: They met at a Willie Nelson concert.

Rowan: I have a baby photo of us wearing matching ‘Legalize Weed’ onesies.

“Dude! I like this family already,” said Raj.

“Of course you do,” snarked Zahra.

Jake laughed. “Seriously, though, that’s awesome and hilarious. Awesomely hilarious?”

“Or ‘hilariously awesome,” suggested Craig. Jake high-fived him.

“Wonder what these two are in the E.R. for?” asked Grace curiously as Jake, Raj, and Craig continued their random discussion in the background. “They didn’t say…”

Michelle shrugged. “Only one way to find out,” she said as she proceeded to click ahead in the story.

Willow laughs, nervously itching her skin.

MC!Michelle: How long have you been feeling itchy, Willow?

Willow: Hm? I, uh… I’m not sure.

Rowan: She’s had it for a few weeks now.

You step closer and notice the spider angiomas darkening under her skin.

“Eww!” shouted Alyssa. “She has spiders under her skin?! That is disgusting!”

Michelle shook her head. “It’s not actual spiders. A ‘spider angioma’ is just the term for an area with blood vessels under the skin, that spread out like spiderwebs. Combined with the itching, this could be a liver problem.”

“Why do medical conditions have such weird names?” Alyssa asked nobody in particular.

“Plus those two things were written in green! They must be important,” Quinn pointed out.

“Good thinking!” said Michelle. “I bet there’s gonna be a choice about their diagnosis coming up.”

MC!Michelle: Push your hands down on your sides just like this. That’s right. Now I’m going to give you a little tap.

You lightly strike one side of Willow’s abdomen, resting your hand on the other side.

“The hell is that test for?” asked a confused Jake.

“It’s called a fluid wave,” explained Michelle, instantly recognizing the test being performed in the story. “If she… er, me… er, ‘we’... are doing that, they’re probably suspecting liver disease too.”

“I’m confused,” said Craig.

“That’s our Michelle for you,” said Quinn with a smile. “She knows her stuff!” Michelle’s face immediately turned a deep shade of red.

Aleister sighed. “I… suppose we can once again waive democracy for the inevitable medical choice ahead,” he said. “I trust your judgement, Michelle.”

“Er, right. Thanks, Aleister,” said Michelle.

“Hang on, Aleister, wasn’t that already a rule for medical questions?” asked Alyssa.

“Erm… hmm… I am… not certain what you might be talking about,” Aleister stammered unconvincingly.

Rowan: Yeah. He was kind of sketchy.

Willow: Totally sketchy. Just because my chest hurts doesn’t mean you have to conduct the entire consultation with my boobs, right?

You look between them, suspicious.

MC!Michelle: …

“Alright, who was this guy?!” demanded Jake. “Even I know he should be fired, like, yesterday.”

“Amen to that,” said Estela. “Let’s get his name.”

The other Catalysts all nodded their assent to that simultaneously. Sean glanced around at the group, then shrugged. “Well,” he stated. “That was an easy vote. Let’s find out who the hell this creep was.”

“On it,” said Michelle as she chose the ‘What was his name’ choice.

MC!Michelle: What was his name?

Willow: Doctor… Smith.

Rowan: John Smith.

Willow: Maybe Jonathan.

“Well, that really narrows it down,” said Zahra sarcastically.

“If that’s even really his name,” said Estela. “Something smells fishy here.”

“Oh,” said Raj sheepishly. “That might be me.” He held out a plate of fish sticks he had been eating. “D’you want any?”

Estela waved the plate away as everyone laughed. “No thanks.”

Raj shrugged. “Suit yourself. More for me, I guess!” He emphasized this statement by popping two fish sticks into his mouth.

Michelle frowned. “You’ve got a point, though, Estela. I wonder if they even saw a doctor at all. They’re acting kinda evasive.”

“Sure is mysterious,” agreed Sean. “I bet they’re hiding something, but what?”

“Maybe they already got a diagnosis, but didn’t like what it was?” suggested Grace. “They could be looking for a second opinion.”

“That’s a good point,” said Alyssa. “Hmm…”

“Well… shall we proceed, then?” asked Aleister. “Certainly our questions will be answered as the story progresses.”

“I sure hope so,” said Diego. “Unless they pull another ‘Patient X’ and make us wait a bunch of chapters to find out the answer.”

“I hope not!” said Quinn. “But at least we can keep going through all the chapters right away…”

“Yeah, imagine having to wait an entire week between chapters!” said Diego. “So glad we don’t have that problem.”

“You’re welcome,” said Alyssa smugly. Everyone laughed as Michelle started continuing the story once again.

MC!Michelle: Willow, I’m afraid it’s not the flu. It’s likely you have hepatitis C.

“Aww… I was hoping they’d let us guess the diagnosis,” Michelle complained. “We haven’t had a question like that in a while now!”

“You would’ve gotten it right anyway,” Quinn reassured her with a smile, taking Michelle’s hand in her own. “Hopefully there will be other chances!”

“I hope you’re right. Thanks, Quinn.”

“Hey, what if the reason they’re being so evasive is because they’re not vaccinated?” suggested Sean. “There’s a vaccine for hepatitis, isn’t there?”

“Yes and no,” answered Michelle. “There’s vaccines for hepatitis A and B, but hep C doesn’t have a vaccine yet. Good guess, though.”

“Huh,” said Sean. “Well, then I’ve got nothing.”

MC!Michelle: You don’t have insurance, do you?

The twins look at each other again, helpless.

Rowan: ...No. We don’t.

Willow: Usually when I’m sick, I just hope for the best and wait for whatever it is to go away. But my symptoms just kept getting worse.

Rowan: Mass Kenmore wouldn’t even look at Willow without insurance.

Willow: And we definitely can’t afford twenty-eight grand a month!

MC!Michelle: Yeah, it’s…

“So glad there’s an option for ‘Total bull,’ ‘cause that’s what I was gonna say,” said Zahra once the choices appeared.

“For sure,” said Craig. “That sucks! What are they gonna do? ...Also, does that count as a drink?”

Everyone looked at Jake expectantly, as Zahra shoved Craig in the shoulder in response. Jake shrugged. “Sure, why not,” he said. “Drink, y’all!”

“Maybe there’s something the ER doctor can do,” suggested Michelle, as she took a sip of her drink. “One of the doctors who came in for a guest lecture last year talked to us about alternatives for patients without insurance.” She shrugged, glancing back at the screen. “One way or another, guess we’ll find out.”

“Hold up,” said Alyssa, holding up a hand to get everyone quiet. “Alright, so, for this choice… everybody better vote ‘Total bull,’ understand?”

There were some murmurs of assent from the majority of the group, and some noises of protest about democracy from Aleister.

“That’s what I thought,” said Alyssa. “Alright, Michelle, we’re picking ‘Total bull.’”

“To be fair,” admitted Aleister, “I would have chosen the selection in question to begin with. I simply protest the principle of the thing, nothing more—”

“WE KNOW,” everyone except Grace and Aleister himself said simultaneously.

Michelle spared an apologetic glance at Aleister before selecting the choice in question.

MC!Michelle: Wait. Don’t leave yet. I’ll… I’ll see what I can do.

Rowan: You’ll help us?

MC!Michelle: I can’t promise anything. But I’ll try.

Willow: Thank you, Dr. Nguyen.

MC!Michelle: First things first. We can’t give you your treatment until we know what genotype of hep C you have. I’ll need to draw blood…

“Hey, that word ‘jean-o-type’ is in green! That must be important!” shouted Craig when the line appeared.

Michelle’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wow. That was honestly a great observation, Craig!

“Seriously? Thanks!” said Craig with a huge grin on his face. “So, what does it mean? I didn’t know whether or not your name was ‘Gene’ affected your health…”

Michelle and Zahra exchanged a meaningful glance. Zahra facepalmed. “And we’re back to normal Craig,” she snarked. “Should’ve figured.”

“Genotype,” not “‘Gene-o-type,’” clarified Michelle. “You know, ‘genes.’ Genetics. That kind of thing.”

“Ohhhhh,” said Craig, clearly still not understanding at all. “That makes perfect sense.”

“Sure it does,” said Michelle sarcastically, as she clicked forward in the story.

You spot Ines walking toward you.

Ines: Hi, Michelle! All done in the E.R.?

MC!Michelle: Yeah, I was actually just looking for you!

Ines: At your service! What do you need?

(What do you do?)

“Whoa, Ines gets a whole-body picture?” asked Quinn. “That’s surprising.”

“Doubt it has much to do with this scene, though, since it’s not a diamond choice,” Sean pointed out.”

Quinn’s face fell. “Right. Yeah, true,” she admitted.

“Everyone? Trust me. Never lie to a resident or attending,” said Michelle. “We should absolutely tell the truth here.”

Jake shrugged. “Fair enough,” he said. “I don’t see why not.”

“It’s like they say: honesty is the best policy,” said Grace. “I agree.”

“Very well, shall we vote normally, then?” asked Aleister. “All in favor of Michelle’s suggestion?” The vote was unanimous. As Michelle selected the choice, Aleister huffed and crossed his arms. “There, you see? Was that so difficult?”

“Yes,” said Jake, smirking. Aleister scowled at him.

Ines: One of the hardest things to learn is that you can’t treat everyone, MC. As a doctor, your responsibility is to find a way to help the people you can help.

She puts a comforting hand on your arm and walks away. You lean against the wall, a wave of disappointment crashing over you.

MC!Michelle: (What am I supposed to do now?)

“What, seriously? You can’t do anything?” shouted a very frustrated-sounding Estela. “That’s bullshit.”

“Right?” agreed Zahra, frowning. “Ugh.”

Michelle shrugged apologetically. “Sad but true, that really is the way medicine goes,” she explained. “Ines makes a good point here. It’s true that we can’t treat everyone. It’s a rough lesson to learn, but an important one.”

“And what, you just accept that?” asked Alyssa. “That can’t be right! C’mon, Top Gun, you agree, right?”

Jake shrugged helplessly. “I ain’t in med school, Princess,” he admitted. “Maybelline knows what’s up.”

Alyssa frowned. “Ugh. So unfair.”

“That’s life,” said Michelle.

“Guess life isn’t always fair, either,” said Sean. “Besides, looks like your character has enough on her plate right now. What with Dr. Banerji and all.”

“True,” admitted Michelle. “Wonder what’s next?”

Sienna: Well? How do I look?

MC: Like you walked out of a time machine! You’re dressing up for the movie?

Sienna: I hear it’s a fun thing some people like to do at Classics on the Common, and I wanted to give it a shot!

She gives a little twirl.

Sienna: I actually thought you might want to dress up too. Look what I picked up for you…

Classic Hollywood: Turn back the clock.

“‘Turn back the clock?’ Sounds like your specialty, Wonder Twins,” Craig joked.

Ian rolled his eyes. “For the millionth time, we can’t actually go back in time,” he said.

“Anyway, can we talk about how awesome Sienna looks? And Michelle’s character, for that matter?” put in Quinn. “Check out those outfits!”

“Too bad we spent our diamonds for this chapter already,” Diego reminded everyone. “Because otherwise, I think we should definitely dress up if we could!”

“Right?” agreed Raj. “I bet the others are all gonna be dressed up, too… can’t wait to see their looks!”

“Well, unfortunately, Diego’s right,” Michelle said. “One diamond choice per chapter, remember.” She declined the outfit as Aleister reminded everyone yet again that he was willing to purchase more diamonds.

You take in the impressive selection of sweet and savory treats in the center of the blanket.

[PICNIC BASKET: Don’t mind if I do!]

“Another one! Drink, y’all!” proclaimed Jake.

“This scene is remindin’ me of Raj’s picnics,” said Craig. “In all the best ways!”

Varyyn nodded. “Indeed. Raj’s cooking is always impressive. As this week has shown us once again.”

Raj grinned broadly. “Thanks, dudes!”

“Speaking of which, we should have another picnic sometime while we’re here!” suggested Quinn, grabbing Michelle’s hand excitedly. “How about at the beach near the airstrip, where we went on our first day here, remember?”

“Uh, actually, that was me an’ Raj with you, I think,” Craig pointed out. “Meech wasn’t there.”

Flustered, Quinn withdrew her hand and blushed. “What? Who said anything about Michelle? I was just, erm, talking about us in general, you know, like-”

“Aw, c’mon, even I can see it,” teased Jake. “’Little MerMaybelline’ is definitely a thing.”

“What are you even embarrassed about? It’s us,” said Ian. “I mean, it’s kinda silly that you’re hiding anything at this point.”

“What’s there to be afraid of?” added Estela.

Michelle frowned. “That’s something, coming from you two,” she said.

“Wait, what?” asked Raj, as it suddenly became Estela and Ian’s turn to get flustered. “Am I missing something?”

“No,” said Estela, Ian, and Michelle simultaneously.

Raj shrugged. “Huh. Okay then.”

“How about we get on with this?” suggested Estela abruptly, as Michelle went ahead and continued without waiting for a response.

Landry: Wait… did you ask out the girl from next door?

Elijah: No! I just… told her we were coming and that she should come, too.

Bryce: Dude, that’s totally a date.

Elijah: No way… It’s just me being a… friendly neighbor.

MC!Michelle: I think you should…

“AWW~! THAT IS SO ADORABLE!!!!” squealed Quinn in an incredibly high-pitched voice. Zahra and Jake covered their ears in response.

“Quinn used Screech! It’s super effective!” said Craig in the Pokemon announcer voice.

“Also, speaking of couples who are in furious denial…” said Diego, glancing pointedly at Michelle and Quinn.

“Uh-oh… Diego said it, it must be true!” said Alyssa with a grin. “It’s meant to be!” Michelle and Quinn blushed even deeper at this comment.

Diego shrugged sheepishly. “Hey, it worked for these two couples, what can I say?” he said, gesturing toward the twins and their respective spouses.

“...Well?” asked Zahra, looking at Michelle and Quinn expectantly along with the rest of the group. “If you’re gonna date or whatever, just say it. Don’t sit around stammerin’ like Time Boy over here.”

“That was years ago, come on,” said Ian, rolling his eyes as Estela stifled a laugh.

“Well, I mean, I… we… er…” said Quinn.

“I’m not really--” Michelle started to say.

Thankfully for Michelle and Quinn, they were interrupted by Aleister suddenly getting to his feet and clearing his throat loudly. “Er-hem! Have we all forgotten entirely about the choice at hand?” he asked, gesturing to the screen.

Michelle let out an involuntary sigh of relief. “Phew. Saved by the Aleister,” she muttered to Quinn, who giggled.

“Very well,” continued Aleister. “All in favor of the first selection, raise your hands.”

“Yeah, me!” said Craig. “I say go for it, Michelle and Quinn!” There was a brief silence as he looked up at the screen. “...Oh. Um, I meant Elijah. Yeah. Definitely meant to say Elijah.”

“Hey, we were all thinkin’ it,” said Jake. “And I say ‘go for it’ too. Who else?”

As the vast majority of the Catalysts raised their hands for the ‘go for it, Elijah’ choice, no one was quite sure whether everyone was voting about Elijah’s situation in the story, or Michelle and Quinn’s situation in real life. Regardless of which scenario was on everyone’s minds, the vote was the same: 13-1 in favor of ‘go for it, Elijah.’ “I see we have our answer, then,” proclaimed Aleister (his being the 1 vote against). “Michelle, would you do the honors?”

“If it’ll get us off of this topic, sure,” she said, as she selected the choice.

Elijah blushes, but shakes his head.

Elijah: Nah… she knows it’s just a friend thing.

“And in related news, Elijah continues to be you, Ian,” said Diego in a stereotypical newscaster voice. Ian shrugged sheepishly as Diego continued, “Now on to the weather. How’s the weather today, Varyyn?”

The elyyshar stared blankly at his husband, clearly confused. “Hmm? The weather is quite pleasant this evening. As it often is on La Huerta, ever since Vaanu’s departure. Why do you ask?”

Diego sighed. “We’ll work on that routine later,” he said, as Varyyn continued to look confused. “Don’t worry about it!”

Jackie arrives as the lead actor appears on the screen.

Elijah: Jackie! I thought you said you were studying at the library.

Jackie: I needed a break.

MC!Michelle: (What do I do?)

“There she is,” said Zahra excitedly. “About time she showed up in this chapter.”

“Whoa. You’re excited,” Craig pointed out.

“No I’m not.”

“Uh-huh. Sure you’re not. Anyway, let’s tell her to sit by us!”

“Let’s not do that,” argued Zahra.

“Well, I’m with Craig here,” said Raj. “The more, the merrier! Who else?” Besides himself and Craig, Raj saw Estela, Alyssa, Jake, Diego, Quinn, Michelle, and Sean raise their hands. “And looks like we’ve got a winner, 9 to 5!”

“Workin’ 9 to 5…” sang Diego randomly.

“...And Diego’s singing. It’s definitely getting late,” Zahra muttered. “Alright, Michelle, let’s just get on with this.”

“Karaoke night tomorrow?” suggested Craig. Zahra wordlessly stared at him. “Okay, okay, just a suggestion…”

Jackie: So… Wayne’s a no-show again, Sienna?

Sienna: He’s working tonight, if that’s what you mean.

Jackie: Seriously, Sienna. When are you going to wake up and dump that asshole? You deserve so much better.

Sienna looks like she’s been slapped. She looks to you for help.

MC!Michelle: Whoa…

“That’s my girl, Jackie,” said Zahra. “Tellin’ it like it is.”

“She could’ve said it a little nicer, though,” Quinn protested. “Sienna’s gotta be feeling awful!”

Zahra shrugged. “Doesn’t change the facts.”

“True,” Estela agreed. “We all know Wayne’s an ass. Maybe this is what Sienna needed to realize it, too. I say ‘harsh but fair.’”

“Definitely,” said Zahra.

“Hey, since Jackie’s actin’ like Zahra again, does that count as a drink?” asked Craig. “Also, I vote ‘harsh but fair’ too.”

Jake nodded. “Oh, definitely: drink, y’all!”

Alyssa shook her head, setting her glass down. “I’m getting too tired to drink any more,” she admitted. “Rain check, guys.”

Zahra shrugged. “Fair enough,” she said. “Alright, who else agrees with us on the choice?”

When the votes had been tallied up, the final result was a close one. 8-6 in favor of ‘harsh but fair,’ with Zahra, Estela, Craig, Jake, Alyssa, Aleister, Michelle, and Varyyn all voting in favor.

Elijah: Oh, Michelle, did you ever find out more about Patient X?

All eyes turn on you, intrigued. You freeze up and stammer.

“Well, this suddenly got awkward,” Michelle observed. “I mean, we can’t say anything to them, so…”

“We should make something up!” suggested Ian. “Say it was a mutant! Or a zombie! Or a mutated zombie!”

“...Or a zombified mutant?” Diego added.

Ian grinned. “Love the way you think!”

“Somehow, I don’t think they’d believe that,” deadpanned Alyssa.

Elijah: Is it the President? You have to tell us now!

MC!Michelle: …

“Oh, man, I forgot about that!” said Raj. “The President who’s also secretly a vampire!”

“PLOT TWIST: DR. BANERJI IS SECRETLY THE PRESIDENT,” said Craig.

“Best. Excuse. Ever,” said Ian. “That should definitely be one of the options…”

Aleister huffed. “Why you all continuously insist on acting absurd, I haven’t the slightest idea,” he said.

“Aw, c’mon, lighten up,” said Craig, tossing a pillow at Aleister.

As neither Aleister nor Grace had Estela-level reflexes, the pillow smacked him right in the face, leaving him to stammer indignantly as the rest of the group laughed. “I… how… heavens! You absolute buffoon, Craig!”

“Hey, it’s your fault for being so serious all the time,” said Craig.

“Just for that, I am rescinding your voting privileges for this round of voting,” declared Aleister.

“Wait, he can do that?”

“Technically, no, but who’s gonna stop him?” said Raj. “‘Sides, it’s just one vote. What were you gonna pick, anyway?”

“The first one!” exclaimed Craig excitedly. “Just tell ‘em who it is!”

Zahra rolled her eyes. “Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t get to vote,” she said. “That is the absolute worst choice imaginable.”

“Says you.”

“Says common goddamn sense.”

As the two continued to argue, Aleister stood up to take the vote. “All in favor of what is, quite frankly, a terrible choice?” he asked, referring to the ‘It’s Dr. Banerji’ option. Aside from Craig, who went ignored, no one raised their hands. “Hmph. At least the rest of you have some sense. Now, all in favor of feigning ignorance?” This time, he was referring to the ‘I don’t know anything’ option, for which Alyssa, Jake, Quinn, Raj, and Diego all raised their hands. “And finally, the clearly superior choice?” he asked for the ‘I really can’t tell you’ option: he himself and Grace raised their hands, accompanied by Estela, Ian, Sean, Michelle, Varyyn. (Zahra, busy arguing with Craig, didn’t vote at all.)

“Huh. Aleister, since when do you have such strong opinions on the different choices?” asked Michelle.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“I don’t know, usually you just read out the choices. That time you were pretty opinionated.”

“Might have something to do with Craigslist chuckin’ a pillow at him,” suggested Jake.

“Whoa, that really threw off his groove, then,” Diego said.

“Wait, so does that mean someone else got Aleister’s personality?” asked Alyssa. “Are we gonna have some Freaky Friday shenanigans now?”

“I hope not,” frowned Sean. “Once was enough.”

“I assure you all, I am Aleister,” Aleister assured them all.

“Either way, looks like we’ve got a winner,” Michelle interjected before the conversation could get any more out of hand. “Let’s keep going. I’m starting to get tired…”

Diego nodded. “Yeah, same here,” he admitted. Michelle chose the ‘I really can’t tell you’ choice, as Zahra and Craig continued to argue in the background.

Landry: Does it have anything to do with the diagnostics position?

“Wait, there’s a position for that squid monster from Star Wars?” asked Raj.

Ian laughed. “No, you’re thinking of ‘dianoga.’ ‘Diagnostics’ refers to a large-”

“Funny, but no, we are not doing this again,” interrupted Michelle before they could restart the same joke from earlier. “Can we stay on topic for once?”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist,” admitted Raj. “‘Sides, it’s us. When do we ever stay on topic?”

“He ain’t wrong, y’know,” said Jake.

Michelle sighed. “Good point.”

Elijah: It hits close to home. I was born with chronic spinal cord damage. It was potentially fatal, but my parents chose to pay for an experimental surgery. Insurance wouldn’t cover it. The procedure saved my life, but it bankrupted them.

MC!Michelle: Oh, Elijah.

Elijah: They never talk about it, but part of me has always felt guilty. Like it’s my fault. They gave everything to save me.

MC!Michelle: Listen…

“This story…” muttered Quinn.

Michelle looked over at her, noticing the look in her eyes. She wrapped an arm around Quinn. “Hey. Speaking of things hitting close to home…” Michelle said softly.

Quinn looked up at her. “I know it’s not exactly the same situation, but… I relate a lot to Elijah,” she said. “Especially the part about feeling guilty. You know my parents tried everything to find a cure for me, and I absolutely did feel guilty.” She forced a laugh. “Even now. I know it’s dumb, but even though it’s been years since I was cured… I still sometimes feel guilty about the whole thing.”

“Quinn…” said Michelle, pulling her into a tight hug. “It’s not dumb. Hell, just because you’re cured now doesn’t mean it all never happened in the first place; all those years still happened.”

Quinn nodded, pulling back and smiling at Michelle. “Sorry. I’m just… tired and tipsy, I guess,” she said, holding up her glass for emphasis.

“No need to worry. I’m here for you. Honest.”

As the two of them gazed into each other’s eyes, Jake suddenly coughed, interrupting the moment. “Hey, in case ya forgot, we’re all still here,” he reminded them.

“Jake!” admonished Alyssa. “Let them have their moment!”

Michelle and Quinn looked over to see that not only Jake and Alyssa, but the entire rest of the group (save for Craig and Zahra, who were still arguing) were all watching them. “Oh,” said Michelle. “Um. Right, so… uh… who votes what?”

Grace smiled. “Take all the time you need, you two. We’re sorry for interrupting,” she said sincerely.

“Yes, Jake’s very sorry,” said Alyssa with a pointed look at her husband. “Isn’t he?”

“Yeah, all right, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m also drunk, in my defense.”

“I highly doubt ‘intoxication’ would be a permissible defense in any court of law--” Aleister started to say.

“No one cares, Malfoy.”

Sean stood up, slightly unsteadily. “How about I take the vote this time?” he suggested. When no one objected, he continued, “Who likes ‘It wasn’t your fault?’” Quinn smiled and raised her hand, followed a second later by Michelle. In addition to the two of them, Sean, Raj, Ian, Estela, and Grace all voted as well. “Okay, and how about the second choice?” This time, Aleister, Jake, Alyssa, Diego, and Varyyn raised their hands. Sean nodded. “Perfect. Looks like we’ve got our answer.”

Michelle held the phone out to Quinn. “Want to do the honors?” she offered.

“I’d be flattered,” said Quinn, taking the phone and picking the choice in question, as well as taking up Michelle’s role in reading the lines.

Elijah: But it’s why I became a doctor. That doctor, the one who saved my life by inventing a brand new procedure? That’s what I want to be. Pushing the boundaries. Paying it forward. And one day, I’ll save lives that people thought were hopeless before.

“Wow, it’s just like how you founded your charity, Quinn!” Grace pointed out. “Didn’t you say something like that? About ‘paying it forward?’”

Quinn smiled. “I did! It’s crazy how Elijah and I are so much alike, huh?”

“And before anyone asks, no, that doesn’t count as a drink,” said Jake. “We’re drunk enough as it is.”

“Whoa, Jake being all responsible? Must be the apocalypse,” snarked Michelle.

“Must be!” giggled Quinn. “Alright, let’s keep going!”

Bryce: Come on, let’s get outta here.

MC!Michelle: And do what?

Bryce: Literally anything. Let’s go have an adventure.

What do you do?

“Ugh, I knew it,” groaned Diego melodramatically. “Of course there’s a Bryce scene when we already spent the diamonds earlier. Should’ve figured.”

“To be fair, we’ve seen a lot of Bryce scenes already,” Raj reminded him. “There’s got to be more coming later on, too!”

Diego shrugged. “True,” he admitted. “Ah well.”

“No vote, then… sadly,” sighed Quinn, as she reluctantly chose ‘Stay here.’

You step cautiously into the operating room. You find Harper alone, gazing thoughtfully at the equipment tray. Her hands hover over each scalpel, as if greeting old friends.

MC!Michelle: (What is she doing in here?)

MC!Michelle: (What do I do?)

“Oh, I bet we’re gonna ask her if there’s a hepatitis C trial Willow can enroll in!” guessed Diego. “Elijah said the trials will cover the cost for free, right?”

“Yep,” said Michelle. “Still, it would be pretty convenient for there to be a trial for her exact condition right at that moment.”

“Ah, the magic of fiction,” said Raj. “So… choice time. Meech, what d’you think?”

“Probably best to wait and let her notice us,” Michelle suggested. “Sounds like she’s preoccupied with… whatever it is she’s doing.”

“Well, that’s good enough for me! I’m voting with you,” Raj said. “Who else?” Quinn raised her hand, followed by Ian, Diego, Grace, Sean, and Varyyn. “And the ‘get her attention’ choice?” Estela, Aleister, Jake, and Alyssa raised their hands.

“Thanks, Raj!” said Quinn. “Looks like we’ve got our answer!” She proceeded to choose the ‘Wait for her to notice me’ choice.

MC!Michelle: There’s a study. Human trials for new medications. They’re looking for fraternal twins to test on. If Edenbrook agreed to host test subjects, the government would subsidize any care they happen to require.

Harper reads over the documents in a flash.

Dr. Emery: You want to deliberately manipulate a government subsidy to provide care for an unrelated case?

MC!Michelle: Yes, but…

“Fraternal twins? Hey, maybe you two should join this study,” joked Raj. “Free healthcare!”

Ian laughed. “Somehow, I think having magic time siblings involved might mess up the results,” he said.

“Ha. Good point!”

Meanwhile, Michelle frowned as she looked over the options. “Props to our main character for going to an authority, but… I have to say, this is a pretty bizarre situation,” she said. “I mean, I don’t think it’s technically illegal or anything, but…”

“Sounds like a classic legal loophole to me,” said Jake.

“Look, when the rules keep you from doing what’s right, you say ‘screw the rules,’” said Estela. “I think we all have experience with that by now.”

There was a momentary silence as everyone processed Estela’s statement. Finally, Michelle nodded. “Well said, Estela,” she acknowledged. “Besides, if I had to pick one of these choices to say in real life, I’d probably go with ‘it’s the right thing to do’ too.”

“Same here,” said Sean. “Wouldn’t we all?”

“Well, I for one would select ‘obey the regulations put in place as they are clearly there for a reason,’ but seeing as that is not an available selection… hmm. I suppose I must concur with your statement, Estela.”

“Same,” said Jake.

“Oh, definitely, me too!” said Grace.

Gradually, the other Catalysts voiced their assent for Michelle’s choice. “Hey, are we gonna get another unanimous vote?” asked Diego. “Twice in one chapter!”

“Wait, does it count as unanimous if those two still ain’t voting?” asked Jake, pointing to the other side of the lobby, where Zahra and Craig were still arguing.

“Good question. Let’s ask the Keeper of Democracy!” said Diego, as he and Jake glanced over at Aleister.

“And here I thought that ridiculous nickname was gone for good,” said Aleister with a sigh. “At any rate, if all of the available voters are voting for a given selection, then it can be considered unanimous. You are correct, Diego.”

“Awesome!”

“Then we know what choice we’re making,” said Estela.

“Sounds like a plan,” said Michelle. “Take it away, Quinn!”

Dr. Ramsey: And thank you, for not telling anyone about… my patient. I didn’t think I could trust anyone enough to share the load, but… you’ve proven me wrong.

MC!Michelle: I’m really glad I could help.

He squeezes your arm softly in thanks before letting his hand fall to his side. You turn away and freeze. Harper Emery stands further up the corridor, watching the two of you thoughtfully…

Dr. Emery: Hm…

Ethan’s let you in on his darkest secret. But is there any hope for Dr. Banerji? Keep playing to find out!

“And that’s the end!” said Quinn.

“I’m just happy we didn’t end on a cliffhanger for once,” Jake said. “I hate it when that happens.”

“Well, it was kind of a cliffhanger,” Diego pointed out. “Wonder what’s up with Dr. Emery at the end there? Not to mention how she was hanging around that empty operating room. Maybe Dr. Ramsey’s not the only one with a secret patient?”

“Two ‘secret patients’ at the same time? Geez,” said Michelle. “What was that you said before, Raj?”

“You mean ‘Oh my God, I always knew the President was a vampire?’” Raj asked.

Everyone laughed. “No, I meant tonight,” said Michelle. “When we were talking about convenient coincidences.”

“Oh, that line. ‘The magic of fiction!’”

“Bingo, that’s the one.”

Grace stifled a yawn. “Well, at any rate, I think it’s time we all got some sleep,” she suggested. “Especially if we’re going to be out looking for Furball in the morning.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” said Jake. “Damn. I’m gonna need a hell of a lot of coffee in the mornin’.”

“For sure,” agreed Alyssa, yawning. “Night, everyone.” With that, she and Jake headed to the elevators.

“Sounds good to me,” said Quinn, setting her phone down. “Zahra, do you mind unhooking my phone for me? ...Zahra?”

“Hey! Zahra!” shouted Michelle.

Everyone turned to stare at Zahra and Craig, who were somehow still arguing. For the first time, everyone could hear clearly what they were saying. “...You don’t get it! Why would you have a screen door on an airplane?!” shouted Zahra.

“In case it gets hot or stinky in the plane, duh!” Craig argued back. “Since you can’t open the windows, just use a screen door instead! I’m a genius!”

“You are a dumbass! Air pressure doesn’t work that way, everything would just depressurize!”

“Then use a tire pump to add more pressure?”

“Do you have any idea what the difference is between a plane and a freakin’ tire?”

“The plane can fly?”

“I… I mean, technically you’re not wrong, but… THERE ARE A LOT MORE DIFFERENCES THAN THAT!”

“Oh! I just got an even better idea! Make a whole plane out of tires, so if it crashes, it’ll just bounce!” said Craig with a huge grin. “I’m gonna make a fortune with these ideas! How the hell has no one thought of this before?”

“Because no one else has the IQ of a rock?”

“You’re just jealous-”

“What. No! How in the hell do you think I’d ever be jealous of your stupid-ass ‘ideas’ in a million years…”

Sean sighed. “Guess some people never change.”

* * *

Next Chapter: Coming soon!

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