#i‘m unlovable

[liesmultixxx]

quick update on the crush situation in case anyone cares:

i‘m 99% sure that he doesn’t give a shit about me 😀 (like always)

but honestly what did i expect, i'm not lovable and therefore i'll be alone for the rest of my life and i have to learn how to be okay with that

#personal #daily life #personal vent #personal rant #vent post #venting #rant #sorry for ranting #unrequited feelings #unrequited crush #unrequited love #unrequited romance #uni #university #uni blogging #uni crush #nobody cares about me #forever alone #i‘m unlovable #i’m not good enough #fuck my life #mental illness #inferiority complex

[art-by-secret]

It‘s (nearly) Valentine’s Day, I‘m aro-ace and this is a mini zine about non-romantic gestures of love I have experienced <3

Maybe some of these things seem completely natural to you, but every one of them made me feel loved :)

(And of course, just because these things are not strictly romantic in nature, they can be a part of romantic love just as much as they can be platonic. Love comes in many shapes and forms :)

Being single is not the same thing as being unloved, and not wanting romantic love is not the same thing as being heartless!

#valentines day #ace #aro #aroace #asexual #aromantic #art #my art #artists of tumblr #artists on tumblr #art by secret #zine #zine about love #love #i love you #platonic love

[multifandomsw]

Apologies

Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: angst, fluff, loneliness, depression?, mental health, anxiety

summary: After an encounter with your old best friend, she gave you her number to catch up. When you decide to send her a message, someone else replies. Was it destiny?

author‘s note: I hope this is not too cringey, I‘m trying my best! If you want to be added to the taglist, just comment :) Btw, I’d love to hear your opinions!!

Part 2

Apologies masterlist

OH AND BTW I NEED SOME HARRY FRIENDS SO PLEASEEE MESSAGE ME SO WE CAN TALK!

You: Sooo

H: So?

You: What if you’re lying?

H: Lying about… what?

You: Oh my god. You use dots. You‘re definitely an old man!!

H: We‘ve been over this.

You: Yes, but I need proof

H: Fine. You can ask me anything you want

You: What do you do for a living?

H: I‘m working in the music industry

You: Woah. Okay. That‘s not what an old man would come up with I guess.

You: Unless you USED to work in the music industry.

H: It‘s very hard to gain your trust

You: Good observation

You: Where are you from?

H: How does that have anything to do with my age?

You: Just answer it!

H: England and you?

You: Hey, I‘m asking the questions!

You: Who is Taylor Swift?

H: She’s an American singer. She’s actually on tour right now. It’s called the Eras Tour

You: I’m convinced

H: What? Really? That easily?

You: I have enough proof

You: Unless you want me to doubt you again

H: NO!

H: Now it’s my turn to ask the questions :)

—

You tried your best to keep your eyes from moving to the couple in front of you, you really did.

However, every time you saw love surrounding you in any way, you couldn’t stop looking, even staring.

Most of the times your heart swelled with love at just the sight. A happy feeling would shoot through your whole body, a smile instantly grazing your lips.

It didn’t work this time.

There were no empty seats left, so the woman was sitting on the man’s lap. He had his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, propping his chin on her shoulder while she was giggling at something he said, lightly slapping his arm.

You were mainly focused on the way the man was looking at her. His eyes were filled with so much love, so much adoration. His face softened when she giggled and you could almost see his dilated pupils.

He was in love.

And at that moment, you wished you were in love, too. So badly that your heart ached at even the thought of being in love and being loved in return.

You shook your head at your own stupidity, no one would ever love you. In fact, you came to the conclusion that you were unlovable. You thought you didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve to be someone’s first choice.

You never were and would most certainly never be.

Still, it hurt. Hurt watching everyone around you be so entranced by love. You lost your closest friends because of it, because they prioritized their relationships and slowly came to forget you.

You would have never done that to them, you were certain of it, but you wondered if you would see it another way if you yourself had a partner.

Did love really do that to people? Make them forget about everyone and everything else? You were practically non existent to your friends, you could not even remember the last time you spoke to them.

If love could truly make you forget about everything, you wanted to experience it.

You wanted to forget about your loneliness, your depression, your mental health and put your focus on one person.

You scoffed at your train of thoughts, no one would ever want to be with you that way. You had accepted it a long time ago, but the thought of it alone managed to make your eyes water.

It was hard. Very hard.

You quickly wiped the tears away from your cheeks and took in a deep breath before you pulled your phone out of your pocket.

You: Do you ever feel lonely?

H: Hey, are you alright?

You: Just answer it. I don’t want to be the only person to feel that way

H: I do. Very often. And so do other people. You’re far from being the only one that feels that way, trust me. You’re not alone.

You: When do you feel lonely?

H: Most of the time, actually. I love my job, I really do, but working as a musician also means traveling a lot. I never stay at one place for a long time. It’s very hard sometimes.

You: Oh, I’m really sorry. Are you a songwriter? Or a guitarist? Or a signer?

H: I’m all three?? Kind of?

You: I’m so jealous. I can’t even play an instrument.

H: I’ll teach you- hey wait! You’re trying to distract me. Tell me what’s wrong.

You: I saw a couple on my way home. It just made me feel lonely. Knowing I’ll never have that.

H: What do you mean you’ll never have that? Who said that?

You: I don’t think anyone will ever love me that way

H: Bullshit.

You: Sorry?

H: I don’t know why you think that, but it’s utter bullshit. Everyone will experience love at some point. And so will you.

You: Do you think so?

H: I know it. I’m sure you’re a very sweet and loving person. You seem like one.

You: Thank you, H.

H: Anytime, Cherry

You: Are you in a relationship?

H: Oh. No I’m not. It never works out. My schedule is too tight for love, I barely have any time

You: I’m sorry

H: It’s okay. I can talk to you now :)

—

You: THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING HAPPENED TO ME TODAY!!

You: I’m dying of embarrassment.

You: H!!!!

H: WHAT HAPPENED?

You: Okay so I went to H&M and bought some thongs

H: Why would you buy thongs? You said you hated them

You: And then I bumped into an old classmate and I dropped them all! He knelt down and helped me pick them up. I saw that he was kind of uncomfortable and his whole face was turning red! So I said the first thing that came to my mind

H: Oh no, what did you say?

You: That they are for my grandma! I mean who says that?

H: Oh. Hahahha

You: Don’t you dare laugh!

H: I’m not laughing! What did he answer?

You: He muttered something but I didn’t hear it. Then he left the store very quickly

H: Back to my question, why were you buying thongs?

You: Just to feel good about myself. I wanted to try out something new

H: Soo you’re not going on a date?

You: I wish

—

Harry nervously fiddled with his fingers as he watched the opening act, Wet leg, play for his show.

He needed to calm down, he was never so nervous, never filled with so much anxiety.

It felt like he couldn’t breathe, like all air was being sucked out of his lungs. His breaths were short and uneven.

He swallowed hard, gulping down the tears that were building in his eyes. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t act as if everything was fine.

He shouldn’t have opened Twitter, he shouldn’t have read the tweets about his latest show, but he couldn’t help himself, it was addictive.

Everyone was criticizing him, pointing out that he wasn’t so cheery and happy anymore, that his shows were boring and that his interactions with his fans decreased.

Lately, Harry has been feeling very homesick and lonely. Whenever he went on stage, he would already be looking forward to finally finishing his shows. He wanted to stay in his hotel rooms all day. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his family again, see his friends again.

It was all just too much.

The only thing he was looking forward these days was writing you-

Wait.

H: Hi, are you there?

Cherry: Yes! What’s up?

H: I have five minutes. I need to calm down.

Cherry: H, tell me what is bothering you

H: I’m feeling really homesick. I don’t enjoy going on stage anymore. I’m feeling really anxious to go. I just want to go home. I want to see my parents, my siblings, my friends.

Cherry: When will you see them again?

H: In a few weeks.

Cherry: Okay, here’s what you will do. You’ll go on that stage and think of them, how proud they are of you. They’re looking forward to seeing you. That should be your motivation. Seeing them soon.

H: Okay. That’s what I will do

Cherry: Good luck, H!

H: Thank you, Cherry

Harry put his phone away, realizing that he didn’t even have to put on a brave smile because he was already grinning like an idiot. Only because of you.

And when he sang, he didn’t only think of his family and his friends, he also thought of you.

—

Cherry: Are you a famous singer?

H: What?

Cherry: Because you always talk about your shows

Harry wanted, desperately wanted to tell you the truth, who he really was, but he couldn’t.

You were the first person he could truly be himself with, he could tell you everything without being afraid that you only listened to him and talked to him because he was Harry Styles.

You were just talking to H. He was not a one of the most famous singers when he was writing with you, he was just himself. He didn’t have to hold up to any expectations, didn’t have to be afraid to say the wrong things.

He didn’t want to lose that privilege, even if it meant lying to you.

H: Oh, I’m only the guitarist of a small band. I’m not famous yet

Cherry: That’s good, I was afraid you’d be famous

H: Oh. Would that be so bad?

Cherry: No, of course not! But most famous singers tend to be a little self absorbed. I don’t really like rich people

H: I get that, but not everyone’s like that

Cherry: That’s why I said MOST.

H: Who are your favorite singers?

Cherry: I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK ME THAT! Okay so I’ll tell you my top three.

H: I have high expectations

Cherry: Taylor Swift

H: Great choice, but I already knew that.

Cherry: Hm. I love Artic Monkeys.

H: Oh, I love them, too!

Cherry: And my favorite singer is Harry Styles!!

Harry’s heartbeat increased by just looking at the message. He felt his anxiety returning. You were a fan of his? He hoped, with all his heart, that you wouldn’t be one of his toxic fans, that you didn’t sexualize him. Deep down, he knew you weren’t, bur he couldn’t shake off the fear.

H: Why do you like him?

Cherry: I love his music and he appears to be one of the kindest and sweetest people ever. At least in interviews and during his shows.

H: That’s it?

Cherry: Yes! I hate toxic fans that only sexualize him. At the end of the day, he’s one of us. He has feelings. Do you like him, too?

H: Yeah, I guess he’s okay

Cherry: You guess he’s okay? What kind of answer is that? He’s great.

H: Okay, okay, he’s great.

Harry widely smiled at the screen, biting his lip in excitement. You thought he was kind, you thought he was sweet.

You.

He felt ridiculous, for being so excited over it, but he couldn’t help it. He loved writing with you, he loved that he could talk to you all day, he loved that you listened to his problems and that you trusted him with yours.

You seemed like such a lovely person and he hated that others and you yourself didn’t see it that way. He hated that you thought that you were not enough when you already meant so much to him.

“What are you smiling at?”, Jeff chirped in. “You need to get ready.”, he smiled at Harry, but let his eyes wander to Harry’s phone.

Lately, Harry had been constantly writing with someone. He was always on his phone, smiling like an idiot. Jeff thought it were just some friends in the beginning, but the way Harry smiled from ear to ear was not the way he smiled at his friends. This was someone else.

Harry raised his head, a small blush creeping on his cheeks. “I’m not smiling.”

“You are.”, Jeff pointed out, sitting down on the couch next to him. “Who is it? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you so happy.”

Harry put his phone away, looking at his painted fingernails and deciding whether he should tell Jeff.

This whole thing was crazy. Would Jeff think so, too?

“It’s-“, Harry began, coughing before he continued. “It’s this girl I’ve been writing with. She’s really lovely.”

Jeff grinned at Harry, slapping him on his back. “It’s time for you to find love, too. Where’s she from? Maybe she can attend one of your shows.”

Harry bit his lip, sighing loudly. He didn’t want to say it, and yet he had to.

“She doesn’t know who I am. I don’t know who she is. We’re just writing. An old friend gave her the wrong number and-“

“What?”, Jeff questioned in disbelief. “I know.”, Harry whispered back. “But I can just be myself when we message each other, I don’t have to put up a facade.”

“Will you tell her who you are?”, Jeff wanted to know. “I- I don’t want to. But I know I’ll have to at some point. I just want it to stay like this, but I also want to know who she really is. What she looks like. I want to get to know her.”

Jeff bit his lip, not even knowing how to answer. It was stupid, writing with someone without even knowing who the person is. But Harry seemed to happy, so entranced by you. “You should eventually tell her. It’s going to mess everything up if you’re not honest.”, Jeff explained. “Now come on, let’s get you ready for the show.”

Before he stood up, he checked his phone one last time, seeing a message that sucked all the air out of his lungs.

You: He is great! I have two tickets for one of his shows. I really want to go, but I don’t have anyone to go with.

taglist: @st-ev-ie

#angst #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles

[tsumtsumrry]

(based on an ask i got on my old acc)

warnings: mentions of cheating, language, angst (obviously)

AN: i can’t decide if this is too long or too short just please enjoy lol (i‘m a slut for feedback and reblogs btw)

“Ha-harry. Need to you pick me up.” Your voice was choppy, with the sobs you’re trying your best to suppress.

“Love? Wha’s happened?” his voice slurs a bit, and it sounds gravely from misuse, letting you know you woke him from his sleep. You feel a pang of guilt hit you and you just feel so miserable, like everything is your fault. You were hoping Harry could make it better, but being a burden to him just makes you feel worse.

“Just, just need you to pick me up. I swear I’ll explain e-everything, just please.” A sob finally breaks its way through and you hear rustling on the other line.

Harry’s heart is breaking listening to yours break like this, he asks for directions, speeding his way to you, breaking way too many traffic laws in the process. He just needs you to be okay, always needs you to be okay.

As soon as you see his car pull up and him running out of it you practically sprint him, collapsing into his arms.

“Precious, what’s—“ he’s distraught, panicked because what could have you acting like this. Sobbing in him arms on an abandoned street at nearly three A.M. in the morning.

“Please, please just take me home. Please, Harry.” you croak, your throat stinging with every word you have to force out.

For the most of the car ride you were in shock, not saying anything until you got to Harry’s house. You’re glad he took the hint that by home you meant home.

He his your home. Your best friend of at least ten years. You don’t remember a time where he wasn’t a constant. He’s everything to you.

It’s takes you a couple days of staying at Harry’s house in comfortable/uncomfortable silence for you to break down and tell him everything.

The look on his face, when he figured it out, before you even said anything, you’d never seen such pain, anguish, and fury. And the fact that you were causing all of it only made you feel worse.

Your fiancé of two years, with another woman. You’ve never been so fucking crushed. You felt like you were worth nothing, what had you done wrong? How could you be so unlovable?

He knew you like the back his hand though, and he could tell exactly the dark places your mind was going.

“Precious, none of this is your fault, I need you to look me in my eyes and tell me you believe that.”

You just blinked at him, with your lower lip wobbling and eyebrows crinkling in pain.

He never fucking liked him, knew he was a piece of shit. He wants to put him fucking six feet under for what he did to you, but right now, you’re the priority.

“Precious…” he breathes out and his voice sounds so full of pain and heartbreak, he pulls you into his arms and holds you until you fall asleep, kissing your head and rocking you back and forth softly.

“Didn’t deserve this. Didn’t fuckin’ deserve this.” he whispers under his breath once he knows you’re asleep.

It took you a while to heal, but you’re still taking one day at a time. Harry has helped you through it, letting you cry with him, always coming to you the second you needed it. And with all this growth, you felt you were ready, ready to get back out there. Start dating again. You’ve decided you can’t let what he did to you ruin your self esteem for the rest of your life.

“So what do you think?” you ask Harry, holding your chopsticks in your hand. He’s typing on his computer, barely paying attention to you.

“Harry.”

“Hmm, precious?”

“What do you think about Shawn?” you say for the second (or maybe third) time today.

All at once the annoying clicking sound of the keyboard stops and Harry’s intense jade eyes are boring into yours, “Shawn? Shawn Rivers?”

“Yeah.” you smile, getting a little bashful, “met him at that coffee shop we always go too. He’s cute and he asked me out so I think I’m gonna go…what do you think?” you say that last part cautiously, your eyes assessing his reaction as best as you can while most of his face is hidden behind a large computer.

He’s gotten a little more protective of you since last year, which is understandable, but if you can move on you figure he can too. Right?

The typing starts back up, only slower and you frown.

“Harry?”

“Hmm.”

“What do you think?” You swear if you have the repeat that sentence again you’re gonna explode.

He just shrugs, his typing becoming faster and more forceful, your eyes flick down to how his arms and from what you can see, there’s a faint vein.

“Harry c’mon I really need your opinion on this.” You whine, truly not understanding why he’s being this way.

“Don’t think you want my opinion, love.” his tone has a bite to it that you aren’t fond of, your frown deepens.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you say cautiously, you’re choosing your words carefully. You’ve never been a big fan of confrontation, especially with those that you care so deeply about.

“I know Shawn, he used to work with me, just don’t think he’s right for you.” he says with a tone of finality.

Your face wears bewilderment, and you look up to see his face, still hard and still concentrated on the computer. He looks absolutely emotionless.

“Not right for me?” you scoff, “and how exactly would you know?”

He looks up from his computer screen, pausing his typing, “I know you and I know him. Simple.”

To you Harry looks emotionless, but under all that he’s seething, but not with anger, with panic and heartache. He had just figured out that he loved you, literally just yesterday. He was working up to courage to say something and then you come in here and tell him you’re ready to start dating other people? No way.

“Well maybe you’re wrong about him.” you say defensively, though your defense is hardly strong with the way your voice wavers.

“Well fuck, I was right about the last one wasn’t I?”

You freeze. What?

Harry’s heart drops as soon as the words leave his lips and as soon as he sees the look on your face.

The shock, the pain, he never wanted to be the one to make you feel this way, never wanted to be on the list of people who’s hurt you.

“Precious…precious I didn’t mean—“

“Leave.” you croak out. Your heart is shattered. Never in your life could you ever think that Harry would say anything like this to you.

“No please, let me—“

“I want you to leave Harry. Please.” your lifeline. The one person you depended on, and you can’t even look him in the eye.

He knows how much what happened affected you, and just to throw back in your face like that? For what?

He takes a step towards you, extending his arm but his heart breaks when you take a step back. You hate that you know him so well, that you can read his eyes, because you can see when the pain flashes in them.

“Precious, please we can sit and talk, you know I would neve—I-I didn’t mean it.”

“Leave, leave, leave.” you mutter, losing your patience.

“Okay, okay. I’m gonna leave, alright? But I’m gonna call you. Is that okay?” you just stare blankly at the floor. “Precious?”

You wish he’d stop calling you that.

When he realizes you’re not gonna give him an answer he slowly picks up his stuff, you here a sniffle but don’t dare to look up, not wanting to see the tears in his eyes.

“I love you, alright? Love you so much. Please, please answer my call.” and with that he leaves.

You immediately burst into tears, your hands shaking and your breath shortening.

How could he say that to you?

Harry calls you a total of eight times before he finally gets the hint that you aren’t gonna answer. You sat by your phone and watched every time his face popped up on your screen with tears streaming down your face.

Maybe you’re overreacting? Surely he didn’t mean it.

H : Precious, you have no idea how sorry I am. You know I would never purposely use your pain against you. Please answer. H

You note that there’s no “xx” after the message.

“Preci-“ He cuts himself and yells your name. You chose the perfect day to go to your favorite coffee shop, there he was, in all his glory.

“Hi.” you mumble, looking shaken.

“Hey.” he breathes out, just in awe that you’re actually in front of him. His pretty girl, god he missed you so much.

“Can we…um talk?” you surprise him by asking. You can see the relief in his eyes, the way they practically well up with tears.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d…like that. Thank you.”

“Why’d you say it?” you immediately blurt out the second you guys are sat down not-so-comfortable on your couch.

How does he even begin to explain that to you?

“I d-dunno to be honest. I was obviously being a dick. I didn’t know what I was saying, a-and that’s not an excuse but I—“

“Did you mean it?”

“No—No of course not. Could never mean—“

“Okay.”

“Okay?

“Okay. I um—just need some time. Sorry.” you mumble.

“Don’ have to apologize fo’ that, love.” his accent is so thick with all the emotion in his voice and it brings on a new wave of tears to your eyes.

“Can I hug you?” he croaks out, “I know I don’ deserve it but I missed you so much and—and I didn’ know if you were okay. Was worried sick I just—I”

You cut him off by pulling him into your arms. Feeling him try to hold back his sobs against your chest your heart breaks, you just wanna keep him in your arms forever but you can’t deny that what he said really hurt you.

“Sorry” he wipes his nose and detaches from you “I’ll see you. I love you.” he rushes out his words, sounding like he’s about to break down and before you can even blink he’s out of the house.

The pain in his voice wrecks you, and you’d honestly do anything to make it go away, but you need to work through your pain first.

It’s a week before you call him. You wanted to do it earlier, but you had your phone in your hand hovering over his contact, chickening out every time you got close.

You processed your emotions, talked it out with him, and you think you actually got somewhere.

Harry told you why he said what he said, and that conversation ending in tears. You not believing he was actually in love with you and him not believing he actually got it off his chest.

What he said still hurt you, but you understand how his pain turned into irrationality.

You can’t believe it but it feels like everything’s fallen into place.

“Hi, Precious.” he smiles softly at you, reaching over to hold your hand across the table, “missed you.”

#harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry writing #old

[bravo4iscool]

sister

there‘s too little trent in this world, so take this🕺

i hope you like this lol.

reader is clay‘s little sister and her nickname is „missy“, it‘s no indication of her name tho :)

word count: 5k

not proof-read :)

(masterlist)

REQUESTS/ASKS OPEN!!!

You happily smile and run into your brother's arms as soon as you see him. „I missed you big man,“ you laugh.

„Missed you too, Missy,“ Clay whispers into your hair, holding you close for another minute. „Thank you for inviting us,“ he then tells you, breaking the hug with a big smile on his face.

You grin and lightly shove his shoulder. „Of course I‘d invite you. It’s not often you have free time, you know. Besides, I don‘t want to spend Thanksgiving alone.“

When you look behind your older brother you see his team members finally approaching. They were waiting at the beginning of your driveway. They weren‘t all here today though. The team leader, Jason Hayes was with his family, as well as Ray Perry, but the others were invited to your Thanksgiving dinner.

„Hello, welcome,“ you enthusiastically greet them, waving. „Nice to finally meet you all. Clay told me much about you guys!“ You smile at them, shaking hand after hand.

They all smile at you and then one of them starts speaking. „Thanks for the invite. I‘m Sonny. I‘m surprised Blondie never told us about you,“ he tells you and you side-eye Clay before you start laughing.

„I think I need to have a talk with him regarding that matter,“ you tease. „But, let’s not talk about that! Please, come inside.“ You motion them to follow you and walk into your house. It was a little small but perfect for you. You couldn‘t imagine living somewhere else.

They follow you like a bunch of lost puppies and it‘s more than funny to you. You show them your living room and tell them to sit down. You would bring the food shortly, you say.

Clay follows you into the kitchen where you run around humming to yourself. „Are you trying to feed a whole bataillon?“ he laughs and you shriek.

„Jesus Christ!“ You place your hand over your heart. „Don‘t scare me like that!“ you scold him, jabbing your finger at him.

„I’m sorry,“ he laughs, pressing a kiss to your head. „Won‘t do it again. I just wanted to help you,“ he explains, starting to stir the gravy. „Been with these guys for too long.“

„Well, you chose to, didn‘t you?“ you ask putting the pie in the oven. „By the way,“ you look at him. „Who‘s the one with the beard?“

„We all have a beard Missy,“ Clay snorts and you roll your eyes.

„The one who didn‘t talk,“ you explain, tilting your head at your brother. „He only looked at me a bit strangely.“ You place the baking gloves on the counter and wipe a couple hair strands out of your face.

„Could be Brock or Trent. Why you wanna know?“

„He’s cute,“ you say with a shrug and Clay stops stirring. He turns around, eyes wide.

“No. No, no, no! You won’t make a move on one of my teammates!” he almost screams and you only laugh.

“Why not?”

“Because, firstly, I would work with the man fucking my sister, which is already weird enough and, secondly, you know our job,” his voice turns serious. “I don’t want you to…get your heart broken.” Clay averts his gaze, memories of his own breakup with Stella surfacing. She wasn’t able to live with the fear of losing him…

You already had him to worry about but dating another SEAL? He didn’t know if you could take that much stress and uncertainty. He wanted only the best for you.

You sign and walk towards him. “I know your job,” you confirm, gently placing your hand on his upper arm. “But does a dangerous job mean you guys are unlovable or don’t deserve it?”

You look up at him and he wants to cry. You were right but still, he didn’t want you to love one of them. Without saying anything he pulls you into his arms and keeps you close.

“Don’t…do anything you’ll regret,” he whispers and you tighten your arms around him. You never wanted to let him go. You’ve missed him too much…

“I promise,” you whisper back, a little tear escaping your eye. “Besides, I just said he’s cute. Never said I’ll make a move,” you then immediately joke, breaking the hug with a sniff.

Clay only rolls his eyes, trying to hide his smirk. “Maybe you did but I know you better.”

-

Trent sits on your couch, involved in a heavy discussion about football with Sonny. The Texan couldn’t accept the fact that he was the only hardcore football fan.

“We can watch soccer instead,” Brock retorts with a snort and immediately gains a death glare from Sonny.

„We‘re in America and in America you watch football!“ Sonny proudly exclaims, straightening his back and popping out his chest. „Besides, it‘s a long Thanksgiving tradition!“

Trent just rolls his eyes and pushes himself off the couch. He would look and ask if he could help anywhere. He’s not used to doing nothing. His hands are itching to do something.

When he‘s about to enter your kitchen he sees you and Clay breaking a hug. He decides to wait outside. You haven’t seen your brother in a long time and he wanted to give the two of you some privacy. When he‘s sure he can enter he slightly clears his throat.

You look to the door and smile when you see one of Clay‘s teammates. „Hey,“ you greet him, walking over to shake his hand. „Can I help you with anything?“, you want to know and he shakes his head.

„No, thanks. I actually wanted to ask if I can help you,“ he answers, trying his best to not look too intimidating. His height didn‘t help with that. „I‘m Trent, by the way,“ he’s careful not to stumble over his words.

He was nervous. Why was he nervous? You only were Clay’s sister. He didn’t know you. You didn‘t know him. So, why the hell was he nervous about talking to you?

„Uhm,“ you look around and totally miss the way Clay eyes his friend with a stern gaze (You didn‘t miss it). „I actually do need help, yes. These-“ you point at a couple of pots and the turkey. „-need to be set on the table.“

“Okay,” Trent slightly smiles before he looks at Clay. “You wanna help?” The younger SEAL stares at his friend for a couple seconds before he nods.

“Yea, I’ll tell you where to put it.”

“Great,” Trent mumbles as he picks up the turkey and leaves the kitchen, Clay following him with one of the pots. You look after them with a smile, then a laugh when you hear how your brother instructs his friend.

You decide to head to your living room to call the other guys. „Food‘s ready,“ you smile at them, peaking your head through the door. Sonny immediately stands up and claps his hands.

„That‘s my call!“ the Texan says and Brock snorts. Then he also stands up and walks towards you.

„I hope this isn‘t too much to ask but the dog‘s still in the car and I wanted to know if I‘d be allowed to get him out?“ He lightly tilts his head and you nod, an excited grin on your face.

„Sure! You can go and get him. Clay told me much about Cerberus!“ Relief washes over Brock and he excuses himself to get Cerberus. Normally he always took him with him but he didn‘t know how you‘d react to the shepherd dog.

„I‘m surprised that he didn‘t go crazy already,“ Clay retorts, suddenly by your side. „That dog‘s his life…“

„Well, at least he‘s got someone, no? Dog or not.“ You smile at your brother before you leave him alone to sit down in your dining room. „Are you coming?“ you turn around and he nods before following you.

-

„Missy, it‘s me!“ Your head shoots up when you hear Sonny‘s voice. What was the Texan doing in your house? Not that you didn‘t want him here, you‘ve become amazing friends with Bravo Team since your Thanksgiving dinner but it was 12am, so why was Sonny here?

Your head pops out of the kitchen and you eye Sonny. „What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at work.“

„Trent said I need to step back for a day or two. That fucker got me the wrong way during sparring,“ he explains while he stretches himself on your couch. „You have no problem with me being here, do you? I can also leave if you want me to.“ He looks up at you with a raised eyebrow.

„Oh,“ you smile. „No, you can stay. I have no problem with that.“ You turn to leave to the kitchen again then you turn around once more. „I hope you‘re fine lasagne? Clay asked me to cook it since he‘ll be around for lunch today.“

Sonny starts to grin and stand up immediately. „Did you say lasagne? Count me in Ms.Spenser!“ He follows you to the kitchen like a lost puppy and you laugh at that.

„You really want to compete with Cerberus, do you?“ Sonny only snorts at your question and sits down on one of your kitchen chairs. You laugh and shake your head. „Normally he‘s the one following me to the kitchen like he‘s a saint.“

„He ain‘t a saint,“ Sonny retorts and you grin.

„No, he‘s not. But you are?“ You turn to look at him, just fast enough to see him smirk.

„Never said I was one,“ he answers with a shrug, a full grin now working its way onto his face. „No one‘s a saint,“ he continues, stretching out his legs. „Except for you maybe. You come quite close to one.“

„Why‘s that?“ you ask, sprinkling cheese over the lasagna. You glance at him over your shoulder. He has his hands crossed in his lap and his head laid back, eyes closed. You smile at that sight. If you learned one thing about Sonny it was that he always acted all tough and untouchable but deep down he just wanted peace and calm…

„You‘re nice, you care for us, Trent has a crush on you,“ Sonny starts listing, not paying attention to the fact that he‘d just exposed his brother and you freeze. Trent had what? Surely you must‘ve misheard it. „Jason likes your muffins, Clay isn‘t bitching around that much when he was with you before.“ Sonny opens his eyes and looks at you. „You want me to continue?“

You shake your head and walk over to the oven. „No…“ you sound a bit confused, almost irritated by Sonny‘s words. „You don‘t need to praise me to the heavens, Sonny.“ you force a smile at him. „I‘m just…a normal person. Nothing special.“ You push the lasagna inside and turn the oven on.

Sonny tilts his head at you. Something he said caught you off guard, he can feel it. „Is it because I told you Jace likes your muffins? I was not supposed to tell you but-“

You turn around. „It‘s not the muffins Sonny.“

„Mhh…“ Sonny recalls everything he told you and then his eyes widen. „Oh shit! It‘s what I said about Trent, right? Oh fuck!“ He stands up. „Look, just- I don‘t know… Just because I said it doesn‘t mean it needs to be true!“

You shut him up with your gaze and for a second he just stands in your kitchen staring at you. Then realization hits him. „Oh… You want it to be true, don‘t you?“ You feel blood rush into your cheeks and avert your eyes. Sonny wouldn‘t let you hear the end of it now…

You expect the Texan to crack jokes and maybe laugh but he just looks at you. „You like him“, he then slowly puts the pieces together further and you simply nod along. „Now I own Ray 50$, damn.“

Your eyes widen and you open your mouth. „You had bets on me?“ He can‘t be serious, can he?

„Of course,“ Sonny seems so casual about it. „Ever since you brought Trent soup when he had a cold. You didn‘t even do it for Clay when he was bedridden.“ You don‘t know how to respond to that. If the team knew… did Trent know it too? Your palms start to sweat.

„Does…does he know?“ you carefully ask Sonny and he snorts. Was that a good sign now or a bad one?

„That fucker is as oblivious as Cerb when Brock tells him they‘re going swimming but instead he drags him to the vet.“ You blink at Sonny, not sure what to do with that answer. Sonny sighs. „Long story short, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t even think there's a possibility of you liking him back. That man is so head over heels over you that he tries to find even the slightest excuse to show up at your front door.“

„He…does?“ you’re still surprised by the fact that Trent apparently also likes you. You didn‘t know how to process all this.

„Of course,“ Sonny laughs. „Matter of fact, I‘m 100% sure he’s trying to convince Clay right now to let him come with him. Man‘s desperate to see you.“

You want to answer but then you think for a second. Why was Sonny telling you all this? Why was he breaking Trent‘s trust like that? This wasn‘t normal for Sonny…

„Why are you doing this Sonny?“ You then decide to ask. „Why are you telling me all this? Aren‘t you…betraying Trent right now?“

-

It‘s 11, maybe 11:30pm when you leave work and the cold wind collides with your face. You shiver and pull your jacket faster around you. You should‘ve taken your fucking car instead of walking to work this afternoon. You curse yourself as you quicken your steps and look around almost paranoid.

With Clay being your brother you always were very aware of what was happening around you. Clay made sure to teach you what he thought was necessary for you to know, that included the observation of everything around you and you’ve never been more thankful for it. It made you feel a tad more safe, especially now that you were walking around alone at night.

When you hear footsteps getting close to you you fish for your phone, never being more happy to have Clay on speed dial. You press your phone to your ear, your eyes glancing behind your shoulder. There was someone…

You decide to walk another way back home. One where you walk through the more populated areas of the town. While you try to keep an eye on your surroundings you wait for Clay to pick up. When he doesn‘t you suppress a curse and dial the next number. Sonny.

He would pick up, no? He is always on his phone anyway. But Sonny doesn’t pick up. You try to reach Clay again, then Sonny. They don’t answer.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, glancing behind you again. Whoever was walking behind you was surely following you. You’ve been taking other turns for the third time in a row now and they were still behind you.

You squint at your phone and take a deep breath. Without thinking twice about it you dial Trent’s number. You’re afraid you’ll break your phone with the grip you’re having on it but you try to keep calm. Clay prepared you for situations like this. Kinda.

“Trent? It’s me. Am I interrupting something?” you let out a relieved breath when he answers. “Could you do me a favor?” you’re even more relieved when he immediately answers with a yes. “I’m on my way back home from work and there’s someone follow-“ you can’t even finish your sentence before you hear him get up and grab his keys.

He asks you where you are and you quickly send him your live location. He promises you he’ll be there as fast as he can and your legs nearly give out from the sudden reassurance. You thank him over and over, quickening your steps once again.

“I’ll be there in 15,” you hear Trent say and you visibly relax. “Stay where you are, try to find a crowd or something close to that. I’m gonna stay in the line,” he explains and you nod, telling him you’ll do the best you can.

Your eyes scan the buildings surrounding you and then fall onto a small 24/7 shop. There surely was someone who could keep you company while Trent arrives, right?

“There’s a uh store,” you carefully say, your feet walking yourself over there almost by themselves. As expected Trent tells you to enter and look out for someone.

A small ‘ding’ signals you entering the store and you immediately start to hide between the shelves. And you were right to do so because only seconds later the bell rings again. You take a deep breath and grab one of the baking mixtures to look busy.

Then you call Trent’s name again. “I’m pretty sure they followed me into the store,” you quietly say, trying to glance around as unsuspiciously as possible. You pause for a second, the grip around the baking mix tightening. “Please tell me you’re here soon…”

“5 minutes,” he tells you, flooring the throttle of his truck. “5 minutes, then I’m there.” His grip on the steering wheel turns his knuckles white and he needs to keep himself calm more than ever.

On the battlefield he never was that nervous. His brothers could take care of themselves but you… You couldn’t.

Yes, Clay probably taught you basic self defense, he thinks but still. He could protect you better than you ever could…

When he arrives at your location he doesn’t bother properly parking his truck. He jumps out and tries to calmly walk towards the store but it‘s like his feet are itching.

He raises his phone, looking at the still ongoing call. „I‘m here,“ he tells you and then he opens the door. You‘re in his arms before he can even blink.

He stumbles two steps backwards before he can wrap his arms around you. „It‘s okay, it‘s okay,“ he says, his hand finding its way to the back of your head, keeping you close to him. „You’re not alone anymore.“

„God, that man was creepy,“ you breathlessly laugh, breaking the hug. You immediately miss the warmth Trent generated and heavily blush. „I‘m sorry for calling you so out of the blue-“ you want to apologize but he’s raising his hand to stop you.

„No, none of that. You can call me whenever you need. I‘m always there for you,“ he explains, looking you deep in the eyes. „Now, did you see the man? Do you know who he is?“

Trent‘s eyes narrow and the sparkling got replaced by a dangerous look. You shiver and swallow. You turn so you stand beside Trent and then you nod into the direction of a man. „That‘s him,“ you say. „He‘s been following me for at least three blocks.“

Trent looks at the man, then at you. „My truck‘s outside. Gimme three minutes and I‘ll join you there. I don‘t want you to witness this.“ He looks at you again and you nod.

„Okay. I‘ll go and wait…outside.“ You turn your back to Trent and leave, adrenaline pumping through your veins. You knew what he was gonna do. He‘ll nicely confront the man and probably calmly tell him to fuck off.

You stand beside his truck, already climbing in since it‘s still running and you can already see yourself patching up his bloody knuckles later. You sigh when you think about that. Sometimes you thought that he was just chasing trouble…

-

„Why are you looking at me like that?“ you mumble into your pillow, your eyes heavy with sleep.

„You’re pretty,“ Trent says and you can hear the smile in his voice. You quietly laugh and rub your eyes. Then you sit up in your bed and look at him. He sits on the floor, his back popped up against a wall.

„How long‘ve you been watching me?“ you want to know, smiling at him. He accompanied you home after the incident the night before and he refused to leave…

You offered him your couch, your bed even but he declined. So, he probably was awake the whole night, making sure you’re safe.

“I woke up about two hours ago,” he lies, placing his arms on his bent legs. “I made breakfast,” he then tells you, standing up with a low grunt. “Get ready, then we can eat.” He smiles before he leaves your room.

You quickly stand up and throw on some clothes before you rush to the bathroom to get ready. On the other side of your flat stood Trent in your kitchen, asking himself if he was going crazy.

He couldn’t think straight whenever he was with you and damn, it was showing. Telling you you look pretty while you just woke up? Watching you sleep in the first place? What the hell was he going through?

He wasn’t unfamiliar with being in love, that’s what brought him his two ex wives… So, he really wasn’t new to it but why was he acting so weird with you now? It shouldn’t be weird, no?

“You made all this?” your voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he looks at you. Fuck, you were even more beautiful now… How was he supposed to look past that and just…be normal?

„I did, yeah,“ he smiles, hiding his fidgeting hands behind his back. You grin up at him, the crinkles around your eyes showing and he just feels like he’s falling in love with you all over again.

„You didn‘t have to,“ you laugh, crossing your arms in front of your body. „This is- You didn‘t need to-“ you want to finish your sentence but Trent interrupts you. He gently leads you towards your table and pulls back a chair for you.

„I wanted to,“ he simply says. „Besides I already got the call that I need to leave soon, so I just wanted to make you happy before I and the team vanish for god knows how long again.“ He sits down opposite to you and fills your and his glass with orange juice.

„Will Clay pick you up?“ you ask, taking a sip of your orange juice. Trent shakes his head saying something about Clay not being allowed to know he was here and that Sonny wouldn‘t let him hear the end of it if he found out that he spent the night at yours.

You only laugh at that and continue to eat your breakfast. „I can drive you?“ you then suggest but he kindly denies.

„I can drive on my own Missy, don‘t worry. Besides, don’t you have to work today?“ Trent chews on his bread roll, curiously eying you but you just shake your head. You wouldn‘t need to work the next three days.

-

Your lungs sting as you run into the ER. You look around, panic in your eyes, your body shaking.

“Ma’am? Can we help you?” a young nurse asks, clearly worried. “Is everything okay?” She gently places a hand on your arm and your head snaps towards her.

“Clay Spenser. Where is he?” you rasp out, eyes teary. “I’ve been told he’s here.” Your voice breaks and the first tears run down your cheeks.

The nurse nods along and carefully leads you down a hallway. “I’m afraid we can’t help you but my colleague can surely tell you which room he is.” She smiles at you and you want to smile back but you just…can’t.

After half an hour of asking around you’re finally led to your brother’s room, your throat dry. You didn‘t know anything about his condition. Everything they told you was that he was being treated in the hospital.

„One of his friends is also in there,“ you’re informed as you come to a hold in front of the room. „We can ask him to leave at any moment though since he does not count as family.“

You only smile at the nurse. „No need for that. I…know him.“ You didn‘t know who of Bravo was with your brother right now but nevertheless you knew him. And besides, this team was family. They maybe didn‘t share the same DNA but the same blood was adorning their hands.

When the nurse was sure you were fine on your own she left you at the door, a comforting hand on your shoulder before she walked away. You stare at the door, taking a deep breath and opening it with trembling hands.

You pushed it open, your breath hitching when you notice all the monitors scattered around the room and the endless beeping of said machines.

You can see someone move and walk towards you in the corner of your eye. You know who it is when he lays his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace.

Trent doesn’t say a word while you cry, only holding you close and keeping a hand comfortingly on your back. He felt a bit helpless right now, not really knowing what to do but all you needed was just him holding you…

„Thank you for staying with him,“ you whisper after a couple moments, sniffing and breaking the hug. You want to wipe away your tears, feeling embarrassed for losing control like that but he gently wraps his hands around your wrists, pulling them away from your face.

You’re confused for a moment but then he pulls out a tissue and carefully starts to wipe away your tears. You feel like you could start to cry all over again.

„Thank you,“ you sniff again but he just shakes his head.

„You don‘t need to thank me.“ Then he pulls you into his arms again, planting a kiss on your head. „You both are family.“ Trent breaks the hug and cups your face with gentle hands.

„I know you’re scared for him right now,“ Trent glances into the direction of the bed where Clay was laying. „But he’s stable. He‘s pulling through. He’s a strong one.“

Your hand reaches out to place it over his, pulling them from your face and holding them in yours. You say nothing, only holding his hands and working up the courage to finally look at your brother.

„How did it happen?“ you ask, your voice almost being stuck in your throat.

„That’s…classified. I‘m sorry,“ Trent says in a quiet voice. „But, he’s got a couple of broken ribs, his lungs have seen better days and the fingers of his right hand are broken.“

Fresh tears gather in your eyes as you listen to Trent, letting go of him with trembling hands and walking towards Clay. „I told him that his job would demand its tribute sooner or later. He didn‘t listen…“ You sniff, carefully sitting down at the edge of the bed. „He never listens to me…“

-

“I thought you’d kill me as soon as I wake up,” Clay breathlessly laughs while you take a look at his bandages. He was currently laying on your couch, letting himself be treated by you.

“I would’ve,” you mumble. “If it weren’t for Trent.” You reach for the bandage tape and rip off a piece to place it over his arm brace so the bandage would stay in place.

Clay looks at you, tilting his head. “You like him, don’t you?” he then carefully asks and you halt for a second.

“What if I do?” you return the question, avoiding his gaze and fumbling with the tape in your hands.

You can feel your brother looking at you anyway, his eyes burning into your head. “I’d probably try and beat him up.”

“You would fail.”

“I know.” His hand reaches for yours and you finally look up. “I know what I told you when you first met them and…I still mean it but I can’t control who you love.” Clay pauses for a second, his gaze softening. “If you love him then so it be… Besides, he also has a thing for you but I think you know that already.” Clay starts to chuckle at the end of his sentence, his thumb carefully stroking the back of your hand.

“Guard your heart Missy. Don’t give it to the next best asshole.”

“Are you saying your friend is an asshole?” Your eyes widen with surprise.

“That’s not what I said!” Clay immediately shakes his head. “He’s a good guy—I know that for sure—but there are dudes who aren’t as amazing as lovely Trent. I’m asking you to be careful about them.”

You slightly smile before you sigh and stand up. “I don’t think you have to worry about me Clay. I’ll be fine as long as you don’t decide to run into a grenade anytime soon again.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes in a joking manner. “Sonny said the path was clear.”

-

“You think he’s okay with this?” Trent carefully asks as he intertwines his fingers with yours.

“I don’t care what he thinks,” you reply, leaning against him, looking down at your hands. “I’m a grown up. I can do what I want.”

Trent chuckles, glancing at you with a gentle smile. “Do I need to expect the big-brother-talk?” He then wants to know. He needed to know what he needed to prepare for when he saw Clay again.

“More of a big-brother-beating,” you snort with a laugh. “I told him he’d lose and he knows it too but he wants to try anyway.”

“I promise I won’t be too hard on him,” Trent laughs, pressing a kiss to your head. “He’s still not cleared to operate so I need to look after him anyway.”

You don’t reply to that, only enjoying the moment, finally in Trent’s arms, without having to worry about anything in the world. You knew that sooner or later you’d be confronted by his job and its bad sides but right now you didn’t care about that.

You were with him and that was wall what you needed right now.

#writing #ao3 #fanfiction #archive of our own #story writing #seal team #seal team paramount #trent sawyer #brock reynolds #jason hayes #clay spenser #sonny quinn #scott carter #trent sawyer x reader #trent sawyer seal team #brock reynolds seal team #jason hayes seal team #clay spenser seal team #sonny quinn seal team

[grodprinsen]

Walter: hey. you‘re single, i‘m single. you know what that means right?

Henry: that we‘re both unlovable?

Walter: exac- no wait

#👀 #did i just sneak in some walty content on here? #well well #henry young royals #walter young royals #young royals #walty #can‘t get over their ship name #walty 😭😭😭 #its too pure #incorrect young royals #young royals incorrect quotes #incorrect young royals quotes #yr #i ship it #credits to whoever came up with it first

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Hikari: Hey. you‘re single, I‘m single. You know what that means right? Liam: That we‘re both unlovable? Hikari: Exac- No wait

#teen wolf #hikari zhang #amy lin workman #liam dunbar #dylan sprayberry #source: unknown

[regulus-needs-swimminglessons]

Alrighty kids, dad has some thoughts to share.

I‘m talking about Helluva Boss episode 6 „Truth Seeker“… uhm obviously spoilers yk

Just to remind y‘all in this episode ma bois Blitz and Moxxie were kidnapped by some shady government people. They were eventually drugged resulting in one funky ass trip. What I wanna talk about is this scene:

(Pic is a direkt screenshot from the episode on YouTube)

In his drug out state Blitz finds himself crawling up these stairs with Stolas sitting at the top, taunting him the entire time. But lets take a look at the colour scheme. Because obviously I‘m not the first to notice what this looks like, especially considering the white feathers falling down and everything.

(Got the pic from the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Wiki)

Folks, lemme introduce you to Blitz personal stairway to heaven.

Now Heaven has always been a sort of scary concept to me (religious trauma says hi) the pure desperation I have seen in some members of my old church. It honestly terrified me more than their accusations and shouts of me being sent to hell to burn in eternal damnation. I see this desperation in Blitz here.

Imps are ranked lowest in hell‘s hierarchy yet Blitz managed to build an independent business and make a name for himself, he has a family as fucked up as they might be, but he needs the book (can’t spell the proper word, to lazy too look it up). He can‘t call off the deal without loosing everything he‘s worked so hard to gain.

But them something unexpected happened to him. Blitz found his heaven with Stolas. Going back to the first pic we can see that he in not only putting Stolas in a clear position of power here, he is going as far as putting him in the position of God. A crule unloving god, a paradise he can never reach without giving himself up completely. Their deal binds him, he is stuck watching, reaching out but never quite grasping. And to him Stolas is the puppeteer behind all this pulling on his strings making him do as he pleases but still Blitz can not help but want him. For more than the book, for more than just sex. Blitz wants Stolas.

Golden binds appear on his limps and yet he still continues his way up. At first of his own accord but when he shows a moment of hesitation Stolas is there with a chain around his neck to pull him up the rest of the way (not unlike the chains we see between overlords and the souls they own is Hazbin Hotel)

This is how he sees his relationship with Stolas. Blitz gives all the power over to him and he hates it. But quite like the souls in Hazbin he can‘t leave.

Lastly I wanna address the figures standing beside Stolas with the big fan things, because they too look like Blitz. He is serving Stolas constantly even when he hasn‘t even made it halfway up the stairs and not getting any acknowledgment for it. (this is of course what Blitz perceives / belives, because obviously Stolas wants nothin‘ more than to love this little guy)

I don‘t think Blitz is even consciously aware of all this shit. He just knows that there is a power imbalance (which is very real btw. no matter how much Stolas wants to ignore it) and he doesn‘t like it.

Welp I hope this made sense, was just something that was brewing in my head for a while so I thought might as well put it out there, offering my mind to the people’s judgement.

Have a nice day everyone!

#helluva boss #blizø #stolas #character study #blitzo x stolas

[franzkafkagf]

So I just recently discovered you and this blog is a fucking 7 course meal knife and fork with prosecco sbagliato and negroni fr. Michelin star mind blowing.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write an aegon x niece!reader fic where the Dance still happens and everyone's death still happens but they get married to end the war and it fucking spirals down the codependency abyss and there isn't a trace of normalcy in sight like they hate each other but they've got 5 five kids and each other's presence means everything they lost during the war but everything they gained and saved at the same time and just a bunch of codependency.

Now as the CEO of eggon II I feel obliged to ask you what I've got to know before I write shit like this. LOVE YOU BBY ❤️❤️

firstly THANK YOU!!! omg so sweet. if this is my brand I‘ll gladly take it omg😭🩷🗣️

and now to your story idea— IT‘S SERIOUSLY SO GOOD! I‘m a sucker for aegon post-dance fics so please write it it sounds right up my alley! it goes hard- its so hand in unloveable hand coded omg 🙏😭

please DO share your work when you‘ve posted it🗣️‼️🤚

ILY TOO. giving you a forehead kiss btw, metaphorically.

#ales.txt #asks #hotd #aegon ii targaryen

[tys-kitty]

It was quite a lot of my mother's side of the family, my grandma (81, absolutely bonkers) and my aunt are going to Poland to visit my cousins (my aunt's eldest child, his wife and their daughter, Angel) for a week, so we gathered to say goodbye and give them any presents we had for Angel (she's had a birthday since the last of us went to Poland). It was less of a dinner and more of a "bring a plate of finger food" but I don't see them often because I work nights so catching up was nice.

I watched the new PJO last night actually! I waited until it was all released before I watched any of it (anxiety and cliffhangers don't mix well (I knew what would happen but anxiety doesn't care)) Oh my stars, those kids all did so well!!! It was a joy to watch from start to finish!! (for me at least, I know fan opinion is split)

Oh you ask the hard questions, don't you? My favourite TSC characters (I'm gonna cheat and say 2) I would have to say is Ty and Alec. I relate to both of them a lot. Ty was the first character like me (autistic) I ever saw in the media and there just aren't words for how much that meant to me. Alec I related to a lot as well because all he wants is his family safe and happy, even if he has to change the world to do it.

What about you? Who's your favourite of the TMI gang?

-☀️

Oh that sounds so wholesome! Is is okay if I ask from which country you‘re from (you don‘t have to answer)? Omg you work nights?! I could never do that! I‘m a day person through and through and have to be at bed by 10 pm like a grandma haha.

That‘s actually so smart (even though I would have been way too impatient to wait that long to watch it haha). I loved the show so much, but I still understand certain critique points like the pacing. As you said the actors did absolutely amazing (The angst in episode five?!? They are the perfect Percabeth). I literally screamed and needed to pause the episode for 5 minutes when the first „Seaweed Brain“ dropped. And the last episode was just crazy good! What was your favorite episode or scene?

They‘re two of my favs as well! And it‘s so amazing that you saw yourself representing through Ty! (I think that also shows how important it is to write characters that people can relate to).

So I actually have quite a lot of characters I love but my absolute favourite has to be Kit. I was simply so moved by his story and that even though he had a tough and unloving childhood, he‘s a such a gentle and kindhearted person and never truly loses hope.

My favourite TSC gang would either be the TLH or the TMI gang. I can‘t even really explain why but I just love them so much.

What about you? And here‘s another tough question: Which is your favourite TSC book?

Happy Valentine’s Day btw! I really love chatting with you!

Love you lots! 💕

#asks #☀️ <3

[blueberrykooo]

“Like any unloved thing, I don’t know if I‘m real when I‘m not being touched.”

-Natalie Wee, Our Bodies and Other Fine Machines

#poetry #natalie wee #our bodies and other fine machines #unloved

[vvhatifhumanshadtails]

the childish urge to say nobody likes me and i‘m unlovable

[nalyra-dreaming]

I've seen folks really mad about the show's depiction of Claudia & Lestat's relationship, how he's unloving towards her etc. I know the abuse was heightened, but book!Louis depicts them as spiteful & bitter w/ each other too & any affection seems quite shallow (until she dies anyway, and Lestat shows grief & shame). Only in Lestat's POV do we learn he actually loved her, but he admits he wronged her & deserved to die at her hand. Are people rose-tinting this dynamic or am I missing something?

Hey nonny!

I think there’s some of that, yes, but there’s also the aspect of Claudia manipulating Louis to kill Lestat, which we know of later on.

Louis hadn’t known of that when he told his story to Daniel, and the whole of IWTV is colored by his severe grief. About both.

Now, I‘m not judging here whether her actions were justified, or not.

I have no doubt Leatat loved her, even in the show. We must not forget that we are fed a tale… however, I‘m sure Lestat also deserved it, as he says so himself. There are parts of the book where he and Louis fight over her, similar to the (start! of the) fight in episode 5.

The show heightened all aspects, almost unbearably at times. As I keep saying, they put their fingers into the wounds. But it doesn’t mean that the other parts weren’t there either, imho.

#asks #interview with the vampire #iwtv #claudia de lioncourt #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #ask nalyra

[hmmihaventdecidedyet]

I posted 20,656 times in 2022

That's 915 more posts than 2021!

26 posts created (0%)

20,630 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chantylay

@limetimo

@stargazing-enby

@iamnmbr3

@fag-the-wholewideworld

I tagged 733 of my posts in 2022

#unreality - 13 posts

#yes - 12 posts

#yeah - 9 posts

#yep - 8 posts

#what - 7 posts

#oooooh - 7 posts

#it’s true - 7 posts

#ooooh - 6 posts

#so good - 6 posts

#absolutely - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#even if you can put aroaces into another box marked “none dating (as allos know it aka with sex and romance)” along with your “boy dating”

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Rereading In Other Lands and seeing this line is so sad why 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Elliot my sad unloved baby I love you so much

7 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#4

New rule: whenever you write a Soulmate AU, it’s a requirement to make at least one main character aromantic as penance

13 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#3

I was tagged by @drarrily-we-row-along, thank you so much!

Three pairings I ship: Drarry (of course), Sunbrat, from In Other Lands (absolutely amazing book, everyone should read it), and Cecilos

My first ship: Honestly, I don’t remember, but it was probably either something from Percy Jackson, or Drarry. It’s been a while, though, so who knows?

My favourite colour: Purple! All shades, all types, although my absolute favourite is probably lavender.

The last song I listened to: Mantras by Ellen Winter. It’s been getting stuck in my head for weeks now

The last series I read/watched: I don’t know if it counts, but I just finished the sequel to The Last 8, called The First 7. They’re both amazing, they’re about an alien invasion of Earth, and all of the people die, except for a select few teenagers. Any more than that would be spoiling, but they’re very good books.

What I’m currently reading/watching: I‘m reading Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor, who wrote the podcast together. It‘s about Josh Crayton and his mom, Diane Crayton, Jackie Fierro, who owns the pawn shop and is eternally nineteen, and King City, although I haven’t read far enough to see exactly how King City is related. It’s very chaotic, but in a nice way.

Last film: I watched Uncharted last week with a friend, it was very good. Kind of unmemorable though

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Sweet, 100%

What I’m currently working on: I’m betaing a crossover between Percy Jackson and Harry Potter, with an Aphrodite-kid!Draco, for a friend who I don’t think has Tumblr.

Tagging @limetimo @wynnesbullshit @romeoandmesittinginatree @otpdrarry-drarry4ever @dewitty1 @secretartlair @phoebe-delia @vukovich and anyone else who wants to join!

16 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#2

Okay, with Dr. Lubell and the University of What It Is going around explaining everything (RIP Sarah Sultan), what’s going to happen to my favourite character Josh Crayton??? Janet L had better stay away from my favourite shapeshifter

18 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A drabble for @drarrymicrofic’s prompt Euphoria:

Her father’d guided her to the altars of Power, Hatred, and Masculinity, once. Now, though, Cassie finally shed the last, finally being—

“Cassie! We’ll be late for the surgery!” Harry’s voice, bright and clear.

Shaking off her heavy thoughts, Cassopeia Andromeda Malfoy stepped into the car with her boyfriend, euphoric.

20 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[darkwritingz]

i‘m so tired.

i‘m so tired of feeling that i’ll be never good enough.

i‘m so tired that i’m always too much or too less.

i‘m tired of feeling dumb and unlovable.

i‘m tired of myself that i can’t get my shit right and together.

and i know it’s not my fault but it feels like it all the time.

like why can’t i get shit done like others do.

i always fail or passing barely.

they talk about me and definitely not in a jealous way.

i‘m so tired of this, i can’t even move.

i hate myself for not contacting the friends i need.

i hate that i start to loose them cause my mind keeps telling me shit.

i hate myself.

#thoughts #feelings #down #hard times #overthinking

[justanotherwastedthought]

It‘s been a while since i wrote how I genuinely fell, but it’s time to get it off my mind.

I‘m always trying so hard to don‘t let the those feelings win, i try and i try and i try day on and off, but the truth is, i‘m loosing.

I‘m simply just not good enough, i‘m a terrible human being. I just wanted to feel loved, feel seen, feel understood.

„You have to learn to be alone.“

But i have been alone all my life.

I‘ve grown up alone, without a dad, with a mother that never cared for me.

I learned how to shave, how to stand up for myself, how to fight, how to live, all by myself.

When people ask me, if i hate him, i don‘t, i‘m just deeply hurt.

He didn‘t want me, he left me alone.

He never tried.

Sometimes for my birthday he would call or massage me, that he would come visit, just to leave me waiting.

I never celebrated a birthday of mine, cause i was never important, not even to myself.

So how much of learning to be alone, does it take to feel alright?

I really wish there was more to this life.

I wish it was better, but that‘s reality.

I will always feel this agonising loneliness inside my chest, until it crushes my heart.

All i‘ve been doing my life is wishing that things would be different, better.

It‘s been like this for years and i don‘t see it changing, i don‘t see a way out.

I try to surround myself with people, but those are the moments i feel the loneliest.

Just feels like, i haven‘t been alive for the past few years.

I feel like nobody is there, despite being so close to my favorite Person.

I really could use a hug, feeling someone warmth, when they hold me.

Why am i not good enough for someone’s love?

I just wanna end it all, i’m just so tired of feeling that way.

People are so important to me, but i’m not to them, it hurts.

I hate people in love, why do they get to be happy and not me?

Did i do anything wrong to deserve this?

Am i really so unlovable and replaceable?

I really struggle to believe in myself, will i always sit in the dark alone, will there ever be light?

Am i gonna keep beating myself up over things, things that are far into the past?

I can’t make people like me, i wish i could, but i can’t and it hurts.

I want someone to be obsessed the way i am over them, feel loved to the fullest.

I hope my favorite person knows how much i care about her, I care about her beyond all rationality and want her to have everything she wants no matter how much it destroys me.

They say, you gotta live your life, but i never wanted to begin with.

I thought i’m gonna kill myself, before turning 18, but i failed, but i hope that soon, i can put an end to this miserable life.

If i were to disappear, nobody would care and that sucks to realise.

#justanotherwastedthought