#if people like these I might do a social media series? Where you can see the comments on a post?

[hysteria-things]

TWO

ʚ♡ɞ 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 | 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 ʚ♡ɞ

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: chris x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: apologies are getting thrown at you left and right, but will you accept them?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: swearing, a little angst

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 583

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: the support for the first part was CRAZY i didn’t expect it to have that much hype! thank you guys🫶

forgot to mention this series will have social media and all that as well :)

the party went on without any trouble, but you were also purposely attached to nate’s hip so you didn’t have to have another intervention with the triplets.

you woke up the next morning to numerous instagram notifications. squinting your eyes, you open the messages. you’re still not fully awake to comprehend who sent them.

the two of you exchanged a few more words to discuss a time for them to come over, and at this moment, it is that time.

you take a deep breath before opening the door, the three of them staring at you with the same sad expression. your parents are at work, so you guys have the house to yourselves.

they walk in in silence that’s a bit awkward. it feels like you guys are strangers, and it fucking hurts.

you’ve thought a few times about how this grudge against them is so silly, but then you think back at the memories and realize that you’re allowed to be angry. you never believed the saying “LA CHANGES PEOPLE”, but turns out that might be true.

matt clears his throat. “thank you for letting us speak with you.”

“sure.”

glances are exchanged before nick starts speaking. “we’ll say we’re sorry a million times if we have to. you have every right to be mad at us. we let the fame get to our heads too much, and it’s selfish what we did to you. you don’t have to accept our apologies now, but we want you back in our lives, y/n.”

you nod at his words. they seem genuine, but deep down you still can’t forgive them fully. “i’m going to have to give it time.”

now it’s their turn to return the nod. “totally understandable.” chris says.

“but… i do miss you guys. maybe we can… start hanging out again?” you hesitate, taking your hand and rubbing it on the back of your neck.

the smallest hint of happiness spread across their faces. “done. we don’t go back to LA for a few weeks, but that doesn’t matter.” nick says with a smile.

“can i give you a hu—” you cut matt off by squeezing him tight. god, you missed them so much.

you give the same embrace to nick, but pause at chris.

you sigh. “you guys should head back home and hang out with your family.”

now it’s chris’s turn to think it. ouch.

they wave you goodbye and thank you again before walking off of your porch. you head up to your room, your back facing the door until you hear a voice.

“i want to see the note.”

you jump and turn around, seeing chris standing in the doorway. “go, chris. they’re waiting for you.”

“let them wait.” he says, stepping into the room. “i want to see the note.”

because you don’t have the energy to argue, you go over to where your wallet is and take the small piece of paper out. you hand it to chris.

he reads over it at least five times, getting more sad each time he does. how can he forget this?

“why’d you keep it? after all this time?”

you fight the tears burning up in your eyes, your throat feeling tight. “you asked me if i promised to keep it forever. i said i do.”

you huffed out a laugh, continuing. “at least one of us kept our promise.”

he frowns. “what was mine?”

“that you’d always be there for me.” you shrug. “no matter what.”

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @txssvx @sttzee @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @matthewsspecial @idkhowtosleep @sturniolho @suga-daddy-69 @tworosesblackthorn @luckistar-posts

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fluff #[ ✿ ] promise?

[star-anise]

So I've been watching this series of videos where a research-focused psychologist goes through Jordan Peterson's work to see which of his ideas and arguments are based on solid empirical evidence. I love it, even though she does mistakenly say his background is in counselling psychology (my field) when he's actually a clinical psychologist.

Anyway, that's got me thinking about Jordan Peterson, and how his response to criticism is, "People have been after me for a long time because I’ve been speaking to disaffected young men — what a terrible thing to do, that is. [...] I thought the marginalized were supposed to have a voice.”

So, here's my theory: Young men of the 21st century have grown up in a culture that is specifically hostile and punitive towards them. However, I think that while girls and women can participate in this culture, it is as much or more the work of boys and men. And I think that the problem with Peterson is that he's not particularly good at helping his audience escape the maze they are trapped in--and he's absolutely opposed to any attempt to dismantle a maze that is actually of fairly recent manufacture.

Case in point: The metrosexual.

The word "metrosexual" was coined in 1994 by Mark Simpson, a gay writer whose settings seem to be perpetually fixed at "critique the shit out of it".

"Metrosexual" describes heterosexual men who might be mistaken as gay, because they are interested in things very common among gay men, including: Caring about whether they're attractive; caring about how their hair is cut and what products they use in it; caring about what clothes they wear; working out to make their bodies look better; frequenting nightclubs. To be "metrosexual" was, in some people's opinions, to be a "man-boy" searching for his "inner girl".

To be metrosexual was, in some ways, to be called someone who looked gay.

The term didn't really catch on until the early 2000s, when media became briefly obsessed with talking about which celebrities were "metrosexual" or not. In that era of hotly divided opinions over the acceptability of homosexuality and queerness, it was implicitly asking, "Who looks gay? Is he gay? Tell me, fellow broadcaster: How gay does this guy look to you?"

(They got to have their cake and eat it too. A liberal audience, desperate to gather as many LGBTQ+ people and allies as possible in their race for 50% acceptance of gay marriage, cherished any signs that people with social clout might be on their side. And a conservative one, watching the same discussion, would heartily enjoy seeing a rogues' gallery of degenerate Hollywood types paraded before them, their every effeminacy pointed out in loving detail.)

Which of course got us: The Retrosexual!

When everybody's helpfully compiling lists of all the things a man can do that look gay or unmanly, dudes who don't want to get the shit kicked out of them by homophobes know all the things not to do!

Therefore, being "manly" became strictly defined by what was off-limits. To be a Real Man meant you shouldn't care about whether you're attractive, or what soap you use, or how your hair is styled. You shouldn't enjoy dancing or get too enthusiastic about music. A Real Man cares about sports and beer and being on top! Dominant!! A WINNER!!!

And, so like, here's a secret: In Anglophone culture, we are very affected by the Puritan legacy that says pleasure is inherently sinful. Vanity and pride--caring about how you look and whether you're attractive--are literal gateways to the Devil. Gluttony, and therefore seeking pleasure at all, is another such. And in Puritan religious theology, women are inherently more sinful. Yes, it goes back to Adam and Eve, and how Eve was tempted into sin first. Long story short, things associated with women became associated with sinfulness, and sinfulness became associated with effeminacy. And for centuries, you haven't even needed to be religious to drink these attitudes from the groundwater.

Okay, that's not the secret, this is the secret: Pleasure is not inherently sinful.

And liking how you look and feeling attractive and paying attention to your sensuality and your emotional life and connecting with art in a real and vulnerable way can feel really good, if you're able to handle it well.

Being raised to be a Real Man in a world where masculinity is perceived to be actively under threat is so uniquely painful, I believe, because every attempt to define yourself as "not gay" means denying yourself one of life's pleasures, and telling yourself you never even wanted it in the first place.

And then those desperate to be Real Men found a way to take some of those things back in what is surely the most painful context possible: They are allowed strictly as tools of your heterosexuality and masculine need for dominance. You are allowed to care about grooming and dancing, etc, purely as a strategy in playing a game called "Getting Girls", where you either score or you don't, where not scoring means you're worthless and unlovable, and scoring is often... strangely unfulfilling and certainly not enough to fill the aching void inside of you.

The mistake both Peterson and his fanbase make is that they get to this point, and then think: The reason I feel so empty inside is... I just haven't gotten enough girls!

Maybe some guys get out of the maze by finding a woman who is allowed to care about things like affection and love and dancing and looking nice, and their connection with her lets them express all the other parts of their souls that didn't fit in the Real Man box, but can come out in roles like Boyfriend or Father.

But humans aren't telepathic, so relationships can only "fix" you so much as you're willing to do the work of nurturing your own soul in a safe environment, so for a lot of men the maze never ends, and sometimes they don't even get the fleeting joys of relationships or sex, since they're so fucked up about them!

At this point, I as a queer woman am like, "Solution's obvious! Dismantle the maze."

And Peterson, who has worked his whole life to achieve the status of Best Maze-Runner in All of Christendom, is clinging to it like, "NO! DOWN, YOU DARK CHAOTIC MOTHER! THIS MAZE GIVES MY LIFE MEANING! THIS MAZE CONNECTS ME TO MY FOREFATHERS! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THIS MAZE!"

At which point, like... what can you do but just leave him there?

At least he's not in my area of specialization. The world would be too unkind if I had to deal with him in any professional capacity. I wish Clinical Psychology all their continued joy of him.

#feminist discourse #masculinity #jordan peterson tw #to be honest #the moment I learned he was from Fairview and went to the UofA I was like 'OH IT ALL MAKES SENSE' #it's not that all of Fairview is one way because Rachel Notley and other very fine people come from Fairview #but there is a specific breed of Guys Who Come From Fairview #Who Study Psychology At the UofA #Who Like To Monologue About Conservative Politics #I can't explain it #it's a type #iykyk i guess

[ridreamir]

If you're still taking requests, could I ask for some general HCs for Kieran and maybe Drayton that take place at bb academy? If not feel free to ignore this :)

A/N: Hey! Yeah of course! I'm struggling to write the Kieran fic because I think I'm way in over my head (I'm freezin' up lol the pressure to figure it out is getting to me) so I guess I can take a break and write some headcanons instead!

I'll write for 'em both, but it's post-DLC, I hope you don't mind! Potential spoilers ahead!

These ones are a little silly in retrospect! I did em fast too, so I hope they're not too bad :p

Kieran's secretly your top fan. Not that you notice because there's no way he'd let you catch him, but he's literally dropped what he was doing to run to the entrance of the academy because your name was announced over the intercom. If you're having a match he'll actually full speed sprint to through the school just to be there, but any time you look over he instinctively hides, flush with embarrassment. You don't come and visit him in his dorm room often since you're on such different schedules, but he's had to flip over his pinboard and hide his piles of notes because they're all about you and trying to understand your strategies and, well, other things... His sister won't stop bugging him about it 'bein' weird', but she knows he's flat obsessed with trying to figure you out! The league club has a social media that posts all of your recent matches, and he's had to beg Carmine to show him how to use the phone app because he's new to having a smart phone and Arceus does he have to watch every single one. He didn't even want a phone until now, but he can't believe he's been missing out all this time. No wonder everyone has one of these things! She was reluctant, but it's Kiki after all... It should be fine, right? Well... that was before all the pinboards and sticky note nonsense that looks straight out of a detective movie or something. He's the type to not like posts because he's scared of what you might think, but accidentally hit the heart button on a match from like a month ago. He definitely drops his phone on his face and panics, trying to undo it as fast as he can. Little does he realize that it's actually Lacey who's in charge of the social media account and not you, and also that she can see who's the most active on the page.

She thinks it's cute, and since she loves cute things, she's letting it be for now. She's always giggling and hiding her smile when he pops into the clubroom to check and see if you're there. Most of the time though he ends up running off before he can say hi because he doesn't want to talk to Drayton.

Since he's gotten the phone he hasn't stopped checking it and he smiles like an idiot any time he thinks he's alone. (News flash, he's really bad at hiding what he's doing. Like he could be in the middle of the cafeteria where everyone sees him watching your battles back to back like they're a tv series.) The only reason nobody really thinks much of it is because you're practically a celebrity and not even just in the Academy but, like, big time. And Kieran is probably one of the only people to not know because he's been so chronically offline. You act so low-key, talking to someone like him like he's just, just another person that it's shocking news to find out that the whole world has probably heard your name by now! As in, his (best?) friend!! (Friend??) It gets kind of annoying now how people follow you around asking to take photos with you like you're some kind of, of tourist attraction and not a person! But there's only one thing that's worse, and it's-

"Hey bud, ready to battle?" Drayton! Kieran's... Kieran's... worst nightmare!! Drayton's gotten really buddy-buddy with you over the time that Kieran and Carmine were on break, and he's not happy about it. Unfortunately for him, Drayton's all too aware of Kieran's contempt and loves to push his buttons. As if calling him "Ex-Champ" all the time wasn't enough, you've been helping him with his homework and sparring together every day! What he wouldn't do for you to spend that much time with him...

And it grinds his gears how often Drayton nudges you or ruffles your hair like you're some sort of pet, though you never see the way their pupils shrink at the sight of each other. Kieran here, hiding behind whatever he can to stay out of sight and Drayton who knows that he's there and makes direct eye contact with him. It's infuriating the way his smile quirks just a little when he catches Kieran spying.

As if he's saying look all you want, look at what you can't have.

And Kieran takes that as a challenge.

#x reader #pokemon #pokemon x reader #drayton x reader #kieran x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #imagines #headcanons #pokemon universe #scarlet and violet #pokemon scarlet and violet #possessive behavior #blueberry academy #school crush #slight yandere

[gurugirl]

A Balancing Act | Ch. 4*

Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and he’s been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. He’s determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.

Chapter Summary: Harry brings Y/n with him on his European tour but when Y/n decides she needs a break to figure things out Harry is beside himself. He's sure she's going to break up with him but she's sure he doesn't want the same things she does. When they finally talk will they both be on the same page?

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut, dom/sub dynamic, angst, DDlg kink,

Word Count: 12.5k

Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)

A Balancing Act Masterlist

A balancing act requires soft poise and harmonious alignment. The joining of differing needs and wants to acquiesce for a perfect, or nearly perfect outcome. One can’t have more than the other. All sides must be used to make a point. The leveling of opinion and decision coupled with the desire to satisfy the ideal effect.

“Put that down. It doesn’t do any good.”

Y/n looked up at Harry who’d placed his palm over her phone to cover her screen. She was trying not to obsess about the pictures of herself. There were so many. And now that she’d been seeing Harry for a few months and was on tour with him in Europe, the gossip abounded. It was wild how quickly everyone learned her name, her age, the fact that she had been married, where her art pieces were showing, and even what kind of car she drove. It was… a lot.

“I know but they’ve caught me in the worst outfit and angle and these comments-“

“Please don’t do that,” Harry spoke as he sat down next to her and slid the phone from her hands, “You’re a knockout. I’ve never once looked at you and thought otherwise. None of that matters. Okay? It’s us. You and me.”

She nodded as he pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head, “I know. But still. I’m just not used to any attention. Not like this.”

“The best thing you can do is to ignore it and don’t look at the articles.”

But of course, that was easier said than done. Going to Europe with him had been a whirlwind. So many fans and friends and his family, day trips, flights, drivers, shopping, studio sessions, meetings, rushing, concerts, flowers, kissing, late-night talking, falling deeper for the man, and sex. There was a lot of sex.

It was stressful. It was fun, though, too. And she enjoyed spending time with Harry in his world but there was very little time for herself in her own world. She didn’t put paint, or ink on canvas the entire time she was with Harry in Europe. She never found the time, even though she had downtime, her inspiration waned. When Harry was in the studio writing, jamming, and making music she didn’t normally go. In fact, after going with him only twice she realized how awkward it was for her to be there. He was working with his band and his team. She was of no use there with him. She felt like she was just in the way. And she didn’t want to be the kind of girlfriend that followed him around like a puppy everywhere.

So she stayed in the hotel or in the villa or wherever they were staying depending on the leg of the trip. She’d venture out to go to cafes by herself, do some shopping, or just to walk around but it became a game of dodging people on the street who started to recognize her. Pictures and videos were taken without her consent. Later she’d see some of the photos in gossip articles and comments saying how she called the paps on herself because why on earth would anyone want a photo of her?

The hate came quickly. The vitriol for a woman that no one knew. Her social media accounts were stalked, screenshots taken and posted on other social media accounts about her and her art and what kind of person she might be based on old posts she’d long forgotten.

One old post on Instagram was of her out on her bachelorette party before she was married. It was a series of six photos. She was wearing something a little bit skimpy, but nothing too crazy. Most of the pictures showed her with a drink in hand, one of her dancing with some man she didn’t know, and the last one was of her the next morning with mangled hair and smeared makeup, a mimosa raised upward, and the words printed over the photo ‘hair of the dog’.

That one got a lot of attention. She was an alcoholic party girl, too fat to be wearing something so revealing, ugly, a slut (for dancing with a man), and the worst insult was “no wonder her ex divorced her”.

Yes, Harry’s fans learned that she had been married. Some knew that her husband had died (she wasn’t sure how they knew). But most assumed she was divorced because she didn’t post publicly about the tragic loss she endured. It was no one’s business, but for people who didn’t know her to make wild assumptions about what had occurred in her marriage was the most hurtful.

But on the other side of that were the fans that simply refused to believe he could be dating Y/n. Many were convinced Harry was either already in a relationship with an ex-band member from his boyband days or it was all for public relations. That her “team” and his “team” were in on something together for publicity. Because that would be the only explanation. Harry would never stoop so low as to date someone like Y/n. Someone who looked like Y/n. Couldn’t be. The Harry “they knew” would never.

Then of course there were those that thought she was simply using Harry’s fame to boost her own popularity in the art world. She was a leech, a sneak, conniving… It all hurt. She wasn’t sure she could stomach much more. And yes, it was true that interest in her art was boosted. Which she really didn’t like because it was more to the fact that “this is a piece of art painted by Harry Style’s girlfriend” rather than a painting that was pleasing to the eye and worth the price tag.

And Harry’s late nights at the studio and after a concert were tiresome. She had been catapulted into this strange reality with a famous man that she felt herself falling for. But how did she fit in with it all? She couldn’t see herself finding her place with him. It all felt very temporary. And the fact that she’d lost the inspiration to create herself was troublesome. The plan was that she could still paint and travel with him and they’d get to be together. She didn’t have to stay home to paint. It was supposed to be easy. But it wasn’t.

But as awful as all that was, she and Harry got closer. He’d arrive late to their bed, crawling over her and wrapping her up in his arms. Normally she’d wake up and nuzzle into him and sigh as they both fell asleep. Sometimes Harry wasn’t ready to go to sleep and he was very persuasive. If he wanted her, well, he had her. She looked forward to, with impatience, having sex with Harry.

Harry had changed her entire view on sex. It was nothing like she’d ever experienced before. Prior to Harry, sex was just sex. It was usually good. Sometimes she’d orgasm. But with Harry, it wasn’t just sex. It was the joining of two separate beings in an act that was vulnerable, exciting, novel, and made Y/n’s heart thrash about in her chest from nerves and thrill. She hadn’t realized how addicted she’d become to what he did. How he handled her body and her mind.

Usually, though, she and Harry had sex during the day. With the sun in the sky, curtains open, and people milling about. She had always been used to nighttime, lights out, on her marital bed sex. Harry liked to have sex anywhere. And he liked to see it all. All of her bits. He’d kiss and praise and then spank her if she tried to hide herself. They had fun together. Sex hadn’t ever been so fun. And she slowly started to see her body in a different light.

After his last show in Paris, she went to his dressing room, like she always did after a show, and he scooped her into his arms and kissed her broadly on the lips in front of everyone. He was hard.

A small gasp fell from her lips as she craned her neck back to look up at him in surprise. He only winked down at her, swiftly turned her around, and placed his hands on her shoulders. He was literally using her body to block his erection from view of his bandmates and the event staff.

When Mitch and Sarah finally made their way to their shared dressing room Harry told his assistant he didn’t need help and dragged her to his big couch after locking the door.

“Need you to take your panties off right now,” Harry spoke as he unbuttoned his pants and kept his eyes on her.

Y/n was wearing a cute maxi dress that was comfy and easy to dance in. She learned that she needed to wear clothes that were comfortable at Harry’s concerts because there was lots of dancing. But she also wanted to look cute because there was never a shortage of photos of her, no matter how much she hated that part. And if she wasn’t dancing she was a fake, a bad girlfriend, a fat blob. Oh, but of course, even if she did dance then that meant she was trying too hard, making herself look ridiculous, and then there was the odd comment about how she was too large to be attempting to dance at all.

She pushed those thoughts down as she lifted the bottom of her dress upward and slid her panties down her legs as Harry pulled a small belt with a ball at the center out of his bag. His pants were undone but his underwear was bulging at the crotch, his cock pressing outward with strain. He stood over her where she was sat on the couch and took her panties from her hands and then motioned for her to turn around, “Face the wall, get on your knees.”

“Harry what are you-“ her words turned into a yelp as he smacked her bottom.

“Do you fucking never learn?” He leaned in and spoke quietly, his voice deep and dark, “You’ll be getting paddled tonight for that mistake. Address me properly.”

Cursing under her breath she squeezed her eyes closed. She didn’t know what it was that didn’t allow her to so easily fall into just calling him Daddy like he wanted. She needed lots of reminders and her bruised bottom was proof of all of her forgetful little moments.

Part of her secretly loved it. Enjoyed the thrill of needing to be corrected and not simply giving in to him all the time.

“Sorry. Daddy. What are you doing?” Her tone clearly sardonic. 

Harry raised his brows and shook his head, ignoring her mouthiness, “I’m going to fuck you against the couch and gag you so no one hears you. Now, turn around pretty girl.”

She pulled herself to her knees and turned so her palms were clutching the leather at the top of the couch and immediately felt Harry’s hands pulling her dress up so her bum was fully exposed and issued another sharp swat to her left side. She jolted in shock before turning to watch Harry behind her.

Harry brought his hands up, her panties in hand, and swiftly pulled the material over her eyes, tying the sides to the back of her head to keep it in place.

“Uh, those are expensive! You’ll stretch them!” She countered as the material hung over her sight.

Harry chuckled darkly and she felt his lips at her ear, “Who bought them for you, baby? I’ll buy you more. Don’t worry about it. Now, keep that mouth open.”

She opened her mouth quickly and felt the silicon ball take its place in her mouth, as he adjusted the buckle to the back of her head. She was unable to see or speak as she was pushed forward, her chest being pressed into the couch. Her bottom was still uncovered and she felt the cool air of the dressing room on her skin as Harry gently caressed her flesh down to where her legs were bent at her knees and over the backs of her calves and ankles before spreading her legs further apart.

“Keep your hands on the wall behind the couch, like this,” Harry moved his palms over her arms until he reached her wrists and pulled her arms out so she kept her hands flat on the wall, causing her back to arch the slightest.

“Good girl. So hot. Unbelievable baby. Daddy’s gonna have a taste now.”

She couldn’t see much or speak at all but she could certainly hear and feel. And the moment Harry’s tongue licked up through her crease her mind shifted into another gear. Harry had eaten her out in this position before. Behind her, his nose at her bum. At first, it gave her a lot of hesitancy, worried she smelled or tasted odd. But he always insisted she was delicious and he could eat her for dinner every night for the rest of his life. His reassurances had her at ease, but it still always gave her pause.

Harry moaned into her pussy as he licked and kissed. His hands were on her ass, spreading her apart as he softly licked, licked, licked… wet and hot from clit to ass, from clit to ass, clit to ass… He spat over her and stuffed two fingers into her cunt and she squealed into the gag, the sound hardly heard in the room. Harry chuffed a laugh at her muffled noises.

Soon she was soppy and achy. Harry noticed how she was pushing herself back into him. That’s where he liked to get her. To the point she was seeking her own pleasure. Where she was so worked up she wanted more.

Harry sat back and stood from the couch and pulled his cock out from his underwear. He pressed his hips into her bottom and brushed his hands over her waist, pushing her dress higher, “Daddy needs his cock milked now. So fucking horny for you, sweet girl.”

She grunted in relief when he pushed into her. It was always a welcome moment. To have his dick inside of her, parting her insides and nudging into her cervix. He was curved in such a way that his wide cock pushed into her front wall on each stroke anytime she was in this position while he was fucking into her.

She kept her hands on the wall as he pounded into her and she steadied herself the best she could but Harry was strong and he always went in with such force that it caused her a good jolt forward on each snap of his hips. Delicious.

When his long fingers wrapped around the front of her neck he squeezed the sides and slowed his plunges, “Wish everyone could hear us. Could hear how filthy your pussy gets when I fuck it. How creamy you are. Wish they could hear how it sounds to have my cock slipping deep into your wet hole.”

Y/n felt her cheeks burn and her head get foggy under the pressure of his fingers on her throat. His thrusts increased again and the couch rocked under them into the paper-thin wall Y/n used to keep herself held up.

A knock at the door and a muffled voice from behind had Harry slowing down but never stopping, “M’busy! Be out in a bit!”

She couldn’t hear whatever was said from behind the door because her ears were ringing. Harry’s cock inside of her gave her tunnel vision. She almost didn’t care if anyone heard at that point. Her body felt so good, her pussy being worked open and split down the middle, her guts rearranged, her ass smacked, throat choked.

“Fans want me out there, but I needed you first didn’t I baby?” Harry’s thrusts were sloppy and harsh as he panted his words, “Daddy wants to fuck his come into you so you’ll be out there with everyone while my sperm drips out of your pussy and down your legs. My dirty little come hole. But that’s what Daddy’s little girl likes, isn’t it? Fuck…” Harry looked down at where he was being gripped by Y/n. Her tight little pussy working its magic on him.

Y/n’s telltale signs were beginning to show. Her thighs were shaking and her back was arching and she was grinding herself onto him each time he’d pull back. She was going to come.

Harry choked out a loud groan into the room, “Fuck! I’m gonna come!”

He reached down to rub her clit just as he began to pour into her pussy. He clenched his teeth and moaned into her ear. With the angle he needed to reach her clit his chest was pressed into her back, his stiff and sharp movements were forceful into her and she felt her own orgasm follow moments later. Thanks to his long fingers that knew just what to do and where to press to get her off.

Drool slid down her chin and to her clavicle as she came. The noise of the couch still creaking under her knees as Harry continued pushing into her increased in sound.

Harry hissed and moaned and kissed the back of her neck as he kept himself stuffed inside of her as she spasmed around him, squeezing his cock of all he had and letting it drain into her. A beautiful symphony of sex in the dressing room.

Harry laughed as he removed the gag and the panties from her face. She had small marks that dug into her skin from the fabric of the panties and the leather of the belt.

“God you’re gorgeous. Gonna go out there with me to meet the fans with my come slipping out of your cunt all night? Hmm?” Harry teased as she straightened her dress out and caught her breath.

And of course, that’s exactly what happened. She walked around and met some fans. Most didn’t know who she was. Some knew her as the girl that had been spending time with Harry. Others joked that she was following him around and that he didn’t want her there.

One pretty young thing, probably still in college, went from having her picture taken with Harry to making a snide remark to Y/n, “I love how you don’t care how you look when you dance.”

To which Y/n replied, “I’m just having fun out there like everyone else,” as she shook her hand (which she hadn’t yet washed after being fucked into oblivion) and felt Harry’s orgasm dripping down her thigh.

There was something so poetic about that moment. The secret that she and Harry shared. The reason why he was 20 minutes late to greeting his fans backstage. And Y/n was the bearer of said secret. Literally, since his come was still inside of her.

And that was just one of many times Harry fucked her in his dressing room. It became a regular thing. He’d gag her to keep her quiet but anyone who stood close enough to the door could hear him moaning and the sounds of skin smacking together and couches rocking. But no one ever said anything. It was Harry’s show after all.

There was one time when they went to an event. The lovely space was packed with people and the table they sat at was mostly Harry’s crew. Jeff and Tom were there and some others. All were people Y/n had gotten to know on some level.

And as per usual, Harry was horny. Y/n had gotten used to his extremely high libido and surprised herself even when she matched him in it. She hadn’t realized she was this way until Harry came along.

She was wearing a custom dress. Nothing like she’d ever had the chance to wear before. She’d worn lovely dresses and her wedding dress, she thought, would have been the nicest article of clothing she’d ever wear. But this dress… this dress was absolutely superior to anything she’d ever laid on her body. She loved it. It fit her so well and flattered her curves and made her feel pretty.

“Want to bend you over this table and spank you so hard right now. Tear this dress off you and make you ride my cock right here at the table,” Harry spoke into her ear as their plates of food were being placed in front of them.

Y/n just smiled and nodded as she listened to him tell her what he wanted to do. That was something she also had started to get used to. He’d do things like this in public and it startled her at first, but after some time she started to enjoy it.

When everyone began eating Harry lowered his hand to her thigh and pulled her dress up. No one could see what he was doing from under the table but Y/n felt it. The material of the dress was slowly lifted until he’d pushed the fabric up enough that he could smooth his palm up between her plush thighs and tickle her pussy with the tips of his fingers.

Y/n let out a gasped laugh and leaned forward before turning to look at Harry in surprise. He only smirked back at her and lifted his brows, “You okay, my dear?”

And Harry usually got his way. If he wanted something he could pretty much always get it. Just like how he wanted her to spread her legs wider so he could have access, she gave it to him. Just like how he wanted to slide two fingers into her cunt, she let him.

To everyone at the table, Harry was holding her thigh. Nothing more. He continued to chat and make jokes as he softly fucked his fingers into Y/n’s pussy.

And the thing about this was that he couldn’t apply much pressure, if any, to her clit, so he fingered her for nearly the entire duration of their dinner. His hand was wet between her legs as he continued slow, meaningful thrusts of his fingers into her.

She was on edge. So absolutely wrecked and worked up that Sarah interrupted the conversation at the table, “Y/n. Are you okay?”

Her chest was rising and falling fast. Harry paused his movements and looked over at his lover and realized, she was indeed a mess. Had barely touched her food when everyone else had just about finished and was panting and sweating. He smiled.

“Oh! Yeah. I… probably should,” she paused to hold back her gasp as Harry pushed his thumb over her clit, “go to the bathroom. Real quick! I’ll be right back!”

Harry was forced to remove his hand from between her thighs and she pushed her skirt down and quickly walked to the hallway where she knew the restrooms were.

Harry excused himself from the table with the excuse to check on her.

Y/n was already rubbing at her clit to make herself come in the stall when Harry barged into the bathroom, “Y/n. Come out, baby. Let me take care of you.”

Her eyes widened and she was quick to walk out of the stall. She needed him badly, “Please, your cock, Daddy,” she said as she lifted her dress and Harry pushed her to lean over the sink and pulled his cock out on her request. He was already hard. Fingering her and feeling her clench around him as she grew wetter and wetter each minute had done him in.

Her panties were ruined. He pushed the drenched material to the side and plunged into her softly as they both moaned, “Rub that pretty little clit for Daddy, baby. Get yourself off.”

It was probably the quickest fuck they’d ever had. Four minutes tops. Y/n was already on fire as her orgasm burst from her core and Harry held her cheeks apart so he could watch his cock, covered in her arousal, slip in and out, in and out until she was coming and shaking and gasping.

White gobs of her come stuck at his base as he continued fucking into her deep and he finally came, filling her to the brim with his come. He pulled out to watch himself drip from her pussy and then pushed himself back in to keep his sperm inside of her where it belonged, “Holy fuck, baby. Your pussy is incredible. Just taking my come like it’s nourishment. Fucking Jesus Christ.”

It felt so good to have Harry inside of her after nearly a half hour of slow, sensual torture with his fingers.

And as they both enjoyed, Y/n dripped of him when they went back to the table to join their friends. No one knew but Harry and Y/n and that was half the fun.

So, yeah, sex with Harry was incredible. Exciting. He never let her feel like she was lacking. He loved using tools on her. Tying her up, clamping her tits and her skin, toys, spanking, spreader bars, cuffs… She’d gotten a taste of what he liked and she loved it all.

And she was pretty sure she loved Harry too. He was the sweetest man. Very attentive and gentle, thoughtful, funny, and honest. But of course, when they were in bed he was dominant and loved to put her in her place but that only added to how much she really liked him. The duality of his nature was exciting to her. And she began to feel more comfortable with her body around him. He never once made her feel bad about her size. He clearly loved every bit of her chub.

So after their whirlwind European trip she was back in Illinois at home and trying to paint while Harry was in LA in the studio working on music and other business endeavors he’d started. They talked every night. She thought the distance would be good for her to focus on her work again but it was like she was blank. Her thoughts were only filled with Harry and what he was doing and the articles with her pictures and comments…

One evening, though, she did have a spark of inspiration. She began sketching out her canvas and mixing colors and finally, after nearly a two-month dry spell, put her brush against the canvas and began to paint. It felt good. She was suddenly struck with the need to create. Hours of building a piece with color and space and lines felt like things had felt before she met Harry.

Her fingers were green and her overalls were splattered and soiled from linseed oil and various hues she’d used on her work when her phone rang. Looking up at the clock she realized it was already 9 pm. Which was the time Harry normally called her every night before he went to the studio (it was 7 pm in LA).

She wiped her hands down her clothes and cursed as she rushed to grab the phone before the call went to voicemail.

It was a Facetime call because of course it was.

“Hello?” She rang out and adjusted the screen so she could see Harry and he could see her. She tried smoothing out her hair and wiping the smudges from her face but there was little she could do to repair her current appearance.

“Hi, baby. I miss you! How are you today?” Harry spoke, his face very close to the phone, and then as he stilled himself and the screen became clear she realized he wasn’t at home. A club perhaps. Maybe someone’s house. Definitely not the studio.

“I’m good. Was just painting a bit. Finally got a spark of creativity tonight. How are you? What are you up to right now?”

Harry sighed and grinned widely, she could tell he seemed a tiny bit tipsy, “I’m at a party and I’ve been telling everyone about you. Wish you were here so you could meet everyone. We’re just chilling, had a couple drinks, then I’m going into the studio in about an hour. Gonna be an all-nighter.”

Y/n nodded and smiled. She wasn’t surprised by any of this. He normally got into the studio late and stayed until 3 or 4 am. He was most creative at that time he told her once.

“Sounds fun. Wish I was there too.”

Just then a young woman nudged into Harry’s shoulder and came in to view on the screen, “Y/n!! It’s you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

She was clearly also tipsy. And just as she was about to respond to the mystery woman she watched as the girl threw her arm over Harry’s shoulder and licked her pink tongue up his neck before kissing it. And it wasn’t just a peck of a kiss. It was quite sensual in fact. As if she were trying to give him a hickey.

Harry laughed and pushed at the girl, prying her arm from him and the girl waved her hand at the video just before moving elsewhere.

“Sorry, Jess is clingy tonight,” Harry smiled and licked his lips.

“Oh is she? Has she been trying to give you a hickey all night then?” Y/n couldn’t help the bit of jealousy that coursed through her. She figured at that point she could trust him. He was a big flirt and she knew this about him. He gave off the wrong impression to people all the time. She’d seen women trying to shoot their shot and he would eventually have them back off but many of them never assumed he was in a relationship. She’d even overhead some women (when she was backstage after concerts) bragging about how they kissed Harry or how they thought they had a shot because he'd been staring at them, which turned out to not be true of course. But it didn’t make the sting feel better.

“No. No, of course not, baby. I wouldn’t let her do that. Only you’re allowed to mark me up.”

“But she’s allowed to lick you and kiss you?”

Harry paused and suddenly the screen was blurry as he appeared to moving through the space to somewhere different.

“Wait, hold on, Y/n.” The screen went dark but she could hear shuffling and some voices until the video showed his handsome face again but now he was outside.

“Please, baby. That was not… she’s been flirting with me a little but it’s all in fun. She’s just a friend. I would never do anything to ruin what you and I have. You know that. God, I wish you were closer so I could tell you in person and see you after the studio. Wake up to you, make love to you…” he trailed off as he spoke but kept his eyes on the screen, his face set in defeat.

“I know how you are, Harry. So I get it. But doing that right in front of me? Kind of tacky. Was she trying to make me jealous? If so, I’d say she’s not a friend.”

Harry groaned and leaned his back to a bench and nodded, “I’ll stay away from Jess. She’s just been finding me all night. I mean, I’ve known her for years so… but you’re right. Sorry.”

Y/n nodded and flattened her lips together. She really hated this. Hated feeling jealous when she figured it wasn’t necessary, hated not being with him, hated how famous he was and how everyone wanted him…

After his call with Y/n, he was careful to dodge Jess. And he hadn’t really been paying much mind to her to be quite honest. Yes, she’d been kind of all over him but he was used to that. Except now he needed to think about his girlfriend and what she might think and how it could be perceived in public. Not that any of the photos from this particular party would come out to the public – it was exclusive and contracts were signed promising privacy and respect of others.

Jess was a friend of Tommy’s and she was often invited to the parties like this and so Harry had gotten to know her over the years. She was always flirty but the question that Y/n brought up was valid. Was Jess trying to make Y/n jealous? It was inappropriate for her to kiss his neck like that when he thought about it with a clear head. Even if he wasn’t on the phone with his girlfriend, that was too intimate of a gesture to be innocent. He couldn’t allow things like that anymore. Not if he wanted to keep Y/n happy. And he didn’t want those kinds of intimate touches from anyone else these days. He missed his girlfriend.

His studio session was productive. He got a lot of writing done and set some vocals down for recording too. But he was still thinking about Y/n. Thinking about how they got off the phone and he’d apologized and she said she was fine but he knew she might not really be. They were too far apart and the distance was a problem. Harry was used to some distance in relationships. It was part of the package that he came with. But he hated it with Y/n more than ever.

He was in love with her. Deeply and madly. In fact many of the songs he started to write after meeting her had something to do with her in one way or another. He couldn’t get her off his mind. He’d dated around and had a couple of serious relationships in the past, but no one left a mark on his heart like Y/n had.

.           .           .

“I’m feeling like I need her with me all the time. But when I offered to fly her out and have her stay here with me in LA she said she thought the distance would be good. I’m going crazy, Pat. I don’t know if she is starting to think about breaking up with me or what. I don’t want her to leave me. But she’s been so aloof lately.”

Pat shifted her leg to cross over her opposite and listened. The man wouldn’t stop talking about Y/n. Every one of their sessions had been dominated by discussions about his new relationship. Harry was sensitive deep down. He had his shit together and he was many times nonchalant about dating and matters of the heart in public, but Pat knew the truth. He was sweet and his heart was delicate.

“Just let her sus everything, Harry. You can’t push her and you know that. She’s probably going through some growing pains with you. You’re uber-famous and everyone loves you and to her, it probably feels like she’s just your girlfriend who gets a lot of mean things printed about her. It’s very likely overwhelming. Maybe she’s trying to get her head on straight and figure out what’s best for her.”

“But what if she learns that she’s better off without me?”

Pat chuckled, “What if she does? Would you still want to force her to be with you?”

Harry sighed deeply and frowned, “I guess I wouldn’t want to make her do anything she didn’t like. But that’s the thing. I know she and I have something special. When we’re together it’s like everything just makes sense. I don’t want her to let all the awful things people make up about her be how she makes her decision. Because what she and I have is incredible.”

“But you’re seeing this from your point of view. Not hers. Give her space if she needs it. Keep open communication but let her decide what she can handle.”

He didn’t like the idea that Y/n would decide he wasn’t worth it. He’d finally found the one he thought was his soulmate. The one he loved and wanted to be with for the rest of time, but now she was stepping back. Putting more space between them than he liked.

And when he offered to come to her she declined that suggestion as well. Stating it would be better to be apart for a bit. Which indicated to Harry she was done or at least considering that idea. But he couldn’t understand it! How could she be done with him? He was so far from done with her. He’d never want to be “done” with her. He wanted to marry her, have babies with her, take her with him everywhere, curl into her body, and let his skin sink into hers for all eternity.

He partly blamed the night he talked to her when Jess made her unfortunate appearance and partly the fans. Harry loved his fans. He enjoyed interacting with them most of the time. He loved the attention and the enthusiasm they gave him. He loved creating for them. But they were the ultimate cock block if there ever was one. Every relationship he’d tried to maintain while being famous had, in the end, been affected deeply by his fans. Social media was brutal as it was, but when fans got ahold of the articles and posted pictures and got “involved” it only led to awful things. Many times social media stirred the pot but the fans kept the lies and the assumptions (conspiracy theories even) flying and going on for longer than it was necessary. But it’s not like he could just drop his fans. They were what his empire was built on. He wouldn’t be doing what he was doing without them. It was all a balancing act.

“I think I’m gonna go see her. Just to talk face-to-face. I can’t go on not knowing what’s really happening and doing it over the phone is not giving me the whole picture.”

“Harry… I think it would be wise to keep her wishes in mind. You are a convincing and charismatic man and so for you to go to her in person could interrupt her rational critique. You could just be doing more harm to the relationship this way. It would be a hindrance more than anything. You might just be prolonging the inevitable and don’t you think it’s better to let things take their course naturally? You don’t always have to make all the moves and sway the outcome. This isn’t a business. This is love and relationship stuff. It doesn’t follow the same rules.”

.           .           .

Y/n had been feeling pretty good. Her mind was clear and her inspiration was at an all-time high. It had been a month since she’d seen Harry in person but they still spoke almost every night. She still loved him. She missed him, but the time apart felt necessary. Felt like she could grasp reality again.

But one thing was certain with the distance. It was that she couldn’t take not seeing him and touching him. She was thriving, but she was beginning to miss him more than she thought she would. Instead of getting easier, it got harder. Her nights would be spent thinking of him, what it would be like living with him, kissing him, marriage, babies… But she wasn’t sure if he was feeling like they were headed in that direction. Because if he didn’t feel like any of that was in their future then the relationship should be stopped. It couldn’t continue to jog along on the same path that it had been. They needed to progress and she needed to know he was committed to her and that he felt the same way. But as it was, their relationship was very good, it just wasn’t the kind of relationship that felt like it could move beyond what it was. She needed to tell him and be honest about what she wanted. Marriage, babies, 100% commitment… But what would happen once she told him all of this? Would he run for the hills? It could very well be the end of them.

.           .           .

She had insisted that he not come to the gallery where her work was displayed. It was in New York City and he begged to come. He told her he would take some time off before the next leg of his tour began. Told her that he had a beautiful spot he always stayed at and she could be with him and he’d take her out to his favorite restaurant in the city… but she said no. And Pat told him to listen to her.

Which was hard for him. Harry didn’t like being told no, and normally, no didn’t matter much (of course depending on the situation). Normally, he’d just go anyway and surprise her and dote on her, and in his mind, she’d be so happy and they’d have amazing sex and things would go back to how they were before she pushed for distance. But that’s not how it went.

Instead, she had a weekend in New York City without him. They spoke every night and she told him everything and he pleaded with her some more to let him come to her but she still said no.

On Sunday when they got off the phone Harry was beside himself. She had been too busy to really talk. She was getting on a flight to go back home so he understood why but that didn’t mean he was okay. He cried. He felt his heart drop and felt her slip away. She didn’t want to see him, she didn’t want his support, and she wouldn’t go to see him either… so what was left?

He’d been good and paying attention to, heeding Pat’s advice. He knew she was right. He knew he couldn’t force her hand in this. But God did it hurt. If only she’d let him visit her she’d see how good they were together. Nothing else mattered.

But he needed to know what she wanted. Because it didn’t feel like she wanted the same thing. They needed to talk, face-to-face, and he needed her to be direct. To rip off the band-aid once and for all. Then he could begin to heal and try to get over her.

When she called him the following day it was unexpected because it was much earlier than they usually had their calls and it was just a call, not a Facetime chat.

“Hi. How are you?”

Harry had had a lump in his throat for the last few days with his thoughts about her. About how she was going to end it. About how she didn’t really want to put in the effort to be with him. That he wasn’t worth it. That his fame and his fans were too much.

“I’m good. You’re calling a bit early. What’s going on?”

“I just had some really good news! A curator bought ten of my paintings and will be hosting an exhibit at David Kordansky and I’ve been invited to go as a guest of honor of sorts, amongst the other artists! It’s going to be all these big names. Oh my god, I’m so excited!”

Harry smiled widely, “Baby, I’m so proud of you. When is the exhibit?”

“It’s next weekend! And you know David Kordansky, right?”

“Uh… no. Sorry. Should I?”

Y/n giggled into the phone, “Oh… it’s just one of the biggest and most popular galleries in Los Angeles.”

Harry’s eyes went wide, “Here? You’re coming here?”

“Yes! God, I’m so excited! You’re the first person I’ve told and I just got the news right before calling you. So, I’m still processing it all. But yeah! And a bonus is that maybe you can come! If you want. If you can!”

“Absolutely. I’ll tell everyone I’m booked next weekend. Spending it with my girl.”

She sighed into the receiver with a big grin on her face, “I can’t wait to see you, Harry.”

.           .           .

Y/n was properly nervous. She had been trying to keep her distance from Harry but it had sort of backfired. She wanted to feel out the situation without his influencing nature and his hot body, and those pink lips pecking at her, his deep voice luring her to see it his way. The longer she was away the more she realized that she could barely breathe without him. She was so far gone for the guy that the distance only made her ache. Yes, she got a bit of her creative spark back, but she felt like that was more of an internal issue than it was to do with Harry.

But her nerves weren’t because she was going to see him after over a month. The nerves were because she needed to confront him with her real feelings and find out if he was on the same page. She had to know once and for all what he wanted. And if any of her ideas of where the relationship should head weren’t on Harry’s radar, well, it had to be over. They couldn’t continue like they were. It was perpetual limbo. Purgatory. She loved him and if she were younger with more time to spare she’d enjoy traveling with Harry and just having fun without expectation of where their final destination would land them. But as it was, she wanted to start having babies in the next few years. And if Harry didn’t then she’d need to start over and begin dating around. And that takes time. So she needed to get a move on. Find someone that wanted the same things she did. If that wasn’t Harry.

She had planned for the worst. All the scenarios in her mind led to them breaking up. She couldn’t imagine that Harry would be willing to settle down with her. He had the whole world at his fingertips. And she was just a girl from the Midwest. She really didn’t imagine that they had much more left to pick at. The pages stopped turning. The well had run dry. It was fun while it lasted.

Harry had his driver take him to the airport to pick her up. She told Harry she could just take a taxi but he didn’t want to miss a single moment with her. Wanted to see her the second she arrived in LA. And he was there. Waiting for her just as he said he would.

He scooped her into his arms and felt tears prick at his eyes, “Oh my god. Y/n… I missed you so much.”

She felt her heart swell and lurch with his arms around her and his lips on her forehead. Right in front of everyone in the airport. Photos were snapped and Harry didn’t care. He looked down at her and she noticed his eyes were glossy, “Harry…” she thumbed at his cheek, “Are you okay?”

Harry sniffed and the tip of his nose was red as he nodded, “I am now.”

She’d been to his house before they went away to Europe. They spent two days having sex and just staying in enjoying one another. Those two days were her favorite memories with Harry. Not that she hadn’t absolutely enjoyed everything else they’d done together and where they spent their time but there was something really special about being in his lovely home doing nothing with him and eating some of the best food she’d ever had (a combination of Harry’s cooking, delivery from some of the best restaurants in LA, and leftovers from a fancy catered party that Harry skipped but had requested two large bags full of yummies dropped off for them).

And the moment Harry had her in his house this time around, they were tearing clothes off and making love on his big bed. Harry didn’t bother with the clamps or ties or the belt this time. He just wanted her. Wanted to show her himself and how much he loved her. In fact, he planned on telling her he loved her soon. He needed her to know how he felt.

And the irony of it all was that Y/n was thinking the same thing. She wanted to tell him how she felt. He needed to know the truth and she needed to know where he stood. But they were both hesitating and it didn’t come out quite the way they intended.

“I think we should talk a little, Harry. I’ve had something on my mind for a bit. It’s… kind of important.”

They were both still naked lying on his bed when she blurted it out. Harry felt his stomach drop. He’d been constantly on edge that she was going to break up with him and he didn’t know if his heart could handle it.

So instead of talking he sat up quickly and got off the bed, “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s talk. Um, I need to take a shower first… and then uh… we can talk. Yeah.”

Harry cried in the shower. Preparing himself for the worst. Trying to get his emotions out and let his body soak in the warm water and calming scent of his shampoo. He was a mess. And he assumed it was over.

And to Y/n, him hopping out of bed like that and running off when she said they should talk, that move was his answer. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to hear her truth. He had no intention of being committed or serious with her. He only wanted sex and fun. And that was great, but she was closing in on 30 and it was time to settle down and find love. And it was clear to her now, that Harry didn’t want that. Or at least not in the way she did.

She paced in his bedroom for a bit after dressing herself but when he was still showering, twenty minutes later she went downstairs and paced in his living room. She saw a bouquet of flowers near the front door at the table with a card in it and she automatically plucked the card out to read. It hadn’t occurred to her that she would be reading anything that could upset her. But she was caught off guard by the message.

“Let’s get dinner tonight, H. I miss you endlessly. Love – O”

She flipped the card over and there was nothing on the back except the name of the florist. No date anywhere. She didn’t know when these were delivered or if he’d had dinner with his ex. Her heart sank and her stomach felt heavy.

She slowly made her way back up the stairs and realized the shower was off. Harry was done. She found him standing on his balcony looking out over his garden. He hadn’t even bothered to find her. To see what she wanted to talk about that she said was important. He clearly didn’t care.

He took a 35-minute shower and then went out to chill on his balcony.

She considered just leaving without a word. Just calling an Uber and leaving for good. Getting a hotel room and forgetting about it all.

But now she was pissed.

She opened the balcony door and Harry was startled when he heard her approaching.

She laughed as she shook her head, “Forget I was even here huh?”

Harry scrunched his brows and shook his head but before he could respond she continued, “That’s okay. I get it. You and I aren’t on the same page. You’re having fun and you’re free and getting invited out to dinner with your ex, and-“

“Wait! What? I don’t-“

Y/n put her hand up, “You heard me. It’s okay. We never made any sort of promises or real commitments. Never said we’d wind up married or together in the end. You’re at your best and you deserve fame and fun and freedom. I’m only holding you back.”

Harry put his hands on her shoulders and shook his head, “No. Y/n… this was what I was worried about that you were-”

“That I want a real relationship? I’m almost 30. I can’t be playing around and traveling the world when I don’t know what you even want. And you just made it clear how disinterested in my concerns you really are-“

“Y/n. Please. What are you-“

“Stop. All you do is tell me what I should think and what I should do. You’re too… you pressure me to see things your way and you never listen. So now you listen to me.” She swallowed to gain her composure and looked up at him squarely so he understood how serious she was, “I can see now clearly, you have no interest in making a family with me. In being with me. You’re just having some fun. And that’s okay. But our fun has come to an end. I can’t go on like this anymore. I need to find someone who wants what I want. Someone who isn’t stuck on their ex and someone who will tell the whole world about me and not pretend that I’m just someone you hang out with.”

Harry shifted on his feet. He hadn’t expected this. In all the scenarios he ran in his mind she was breaking up with him and she didn’t want to be with him and he wasn’t worth it. But she was saying she wanted commitment. He smiled and opened his mouth but Y/n scoffed.

“See? You’re not even taking this seriously! Here I am telling you I’m breaking up with you and you’re smiling! You couldn’t give a shit!”

Harry’s smile fell from his face, “No I was… You’re breaking up with me? Y/n please-“

She pushed him off of her and backed away, “Go and enjoy dinner with Olivia or whoever. I’m out of here.”

Harry ran after her, “No! You can’t leave me! Please that’s not what happened. I didn’t even see her. And if you’d just listen-“

Y/n stomped her foot and turned to face the tall man. She pointed her finger at this chest, “I’m done listening. We’re done. You broke my heart.”

Harry shook his head and followed behind Y/n the whole way to the front door, pleading with her to stop so they could talk but she continued to cut him off.

“Stop! You don’t get to push me into making a decision anymore. It’s over.”

She gathered up her bags and shakily pulled her phone out to bring up her Uber app to call for a car. She was thankful all of her bags were still near the front door.

She rushed out of the house and Harry felt like he was going mad. She wouldn’t let him talk and explain and tell her that he wanted what she wanted. Every time his mouth opened she yelled for him to stop. Screamed even. Had he been so insufferable that this was how she reacted to him?

So he watched with tears in his eyes and his heart in his hands as she loaded her things into the Uber and left him standing at his gate.

He didn’t know what he would do. What could he do? He needed to let her cool off and then he’d go to her and have a conversation. He’d make her see that they’d been on the same page all along.

He called Mitch to get advice.

Mitch asked him why he hadn’t called Pat instead but Harry insisted his best friend would give him the best and most brutal advice, while also supporting him and wishing him luck. Which is actually what happened.

“Go and surprise her at the gallery. Do something ridiculously dramatic and then declare your love for her to everyone in the room. Something like that. I don’t know man. I think you two will work it out. You’re so good together. I think she just needed some time, ya know.”

Harry sighed, “Pat’s going to hate that. But I’ve got to do it, though, right? Do something absolutely nuts to get her to listen to me.”

.           .           .

Y/n had the worst, absolutely the most horrible, awful evening. She bawled her eyes out and barely slept. Harry hadn’t even tried reaching out to her. Not that she really wanted that. She half expected it. But it only solidified everything to her. She imagined he probably slept like a baby.

The following day was the exhibit. She was not prepared. Not mentally anyway. Her tears had barely dried by the time she was entering the gallery. She put on a happy face and forced herself to talk and smile. But she only felt the dread of what had happened the day before.

The curator greeted her, bringing a glass of champagne for her to sip, “I’m amazed by your work. I think your collection fits in so nicely here. But you know I’m holding on to all your pieces until one day someone offers me a million each for them,” he laughed and Y/n smiled. She doubted that would ever happen.

The evening should have been amazing. She was meant to have Harry with her and it was supposed to be a big night for her. Something that could potentially change the trajectory of her career. But Y/n wasn’t happy. Her exciting moment was clouded by thoughts of Harry and how she loved him but now it was over.

Through the doorway opposite the entrance was a small bar area. Guests could go get their drinks and then head back into the gallery. But there were a few bar tables and some stools. Y/n had been eyeing it all night. A moment to get away and sit by herself for a while.

The room was darker and quieter, even though it was open to the main gallery. The small high-top tables had four tall, cushioned stools around each. The only person in the bar was the bartender.

“Hi. Can I have a glass of chardonnay?” Y/n leaned into the bar and her eyes settled over the array of colorful bottles lined up behind the young lady who stood at the bar.

The young woman smiled, “Sure. Anything in particular? Would you like to see what I’ve got?”

“Not really. This is going to sound so bad, but just the cheapest one.”

Y/n dug into her small clutch to pull out her phone card and then waited as the young lady poured a glass of Y/n’s cheap glass of wine.

“Your art is excellent. I’m a big fan.” The woman looked over her shoulder as she plumbed the top of the bottle with the cork and placed it back into the small fridge below the counter.

“You know my work?” It was not expected. She didn’t think the bartender would know the artists by their faces alone.

“Yes! Of course. I usually get to know who the artists are that have their pieces here. Yours is outstanding.”

She felt her face get warm from the odd feeling she always got when someone loved her work and recognized her. She still hadn’t gotten used to that feeling yet but she enjoyed it nonetheless.

When she took the glass she thanked the lady for the wine, “And, thank you for the kind words too. That means a lot to me.”

She took a deep breath and sipped her wine in the empty space as she attempted to let her bad mood dissolve. She knew it was impossible to let it go completely. Her wound was so fresh. She’d just gotten her heart broken and that would take some time to grapple with. But she knew she could be okay because she’d dealt with and come through the worst kind of tragic loss anyone can imagine. Losing Robert devastated her. For a very long time. She’d only gotten to a place where she felt she was ready to find love again. And her short time with Harry was nothing in comparison to what she’d suffered. So yeah, she’d been through far worse. She’d be okay.

The music that played in the small space was slow and the tune sounded a lot like an old Foo Fighters song. But it was all instrumental and she couldn’t be sure. She pulled out her cell phone and decided to text her sister. Catch up a bit. Feel something sweet and nostalgic to get her mind off of her sorrows.

She smiled when her sister texted back with a picture of the kids.

She looked up and paused to listen closely to the music playing again. Yeah. It was an instrumental version - definitely Foo Fighters. Everlong. That was the song! She snapped her fingers and smiled again as he looked back at the picture of her nieces.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Y/n. This is for you.” The bartender laid an envelope down on the table. It had her name written on it.

This felt very reminiscent of-

She looked around the room and out into the gallery, where people fitted in lovely outfits and amazing hairstyles milled about, in search of the one person that might have had something to do with this.

She looked back down at the envelope and toward the young lady who had already gone back behind the bar, “Who gave this to you?” She was hesitant to open it.

“Ms. Adams. The gallery’s director. She said it was from a very special guest.”

A very special guest.

She wasted no more time in ripping the top of the envelope open knowing already who it was from.

She braced herself for what she might read on the folded paper inside. Her heart walloped in her chest and she felt her throat go dry as she carefully pulled the paper out and unfolded it.

I’m sorry for the way things happened yesterday. I wanted to tell you so much more. I need you in my life, Y/n. Take a drink in the director’s office with me? Please? - H

She swallowed thickly and placed the paper down on the lacquered wood. The words stared up at her. Very reminiscent of that night. Their first night together.

She decided to take a moment. Finish her glass of wine and find her resolve. She’d see him. Because of course, she would. She’d fallen for the guy and perhaps closure would be good. For both of them. She tried not to get her hopes up.

But even with the idea that she wouldn’t get her hopes up, from the very base of her spine, small bursts of hope began spreading over her back, warming her up and causing the edge of her lip to flick upward the tiniest bit.

She had to stop. She couldn’t allow the butterflies and the warmth to cover her chest. This wasn’t an olive branch. This wasn’t hope. But that was what her body was feeling, the way it reacted after reading his words.

Stop.

She read the note again and the right side of her mouth quirked but she stifled the smile that tried breaking out over her features.

“Uh, hi!” She scooted off her stool and waved at the bartender, “Do you know where the director’s office is by chance?” The young woman smiled, “Follow me, Ms. Y/n.”

Y/n followed behind the young woman to a doorway at the far end of the room and into a hallway. Framed prints were hung along the wall and the floor was dark wood while the walls were a light cream. A few doors were passed, the bathrooms, a numbered room, until finally, they reached the director’s office.

The woman knocked before turning the knob to open the door and stood back, “Here you are.” She gestured at the open door.

“Thank you.” Y/n wavered in her movements wondering if this was the right thing. Should she entertain this idea? Of course, she was going to entertain this idea, but part of her wanted to keep her tough exterior and remain firm in her decision.

Slowly pushing the door further open, she stepped into the threshold and was met with a quaint office-sized room. The same dark wood floors sprawled below her feet, but the very first thing her eyes landed on was that of Harry holding a bouquet of flowers and wearing a soft smile.  

She closed the door behind her and stepped in a couple of feet. He was in a well-fitted navy suit and he looked tired. But he was handsome.

The thought quickly hit her. How did he get in here? Who let him use the director’s office? But then, as he ran his ringed fingers through his hair and she saw remnants of chipped nail polish she was reminded of who he was. Not just her lover or her ex. But he was Harry. Everyone knew him or knew of him. Of course, he was allowed in the director’s office.

“Hi, Y/n,” Harry spoke reticently as he held out the bouquet to her.

He wasn’t sure she’d come to him or that she’d want to even talk to him. And he thought about making a grand gesture. Take over the audio system and declare his love publicly before everyone as he walked out into the crowd toward her. Make a scene. Make her listen. Have everyone rooting for them. Rooting for him.

But that wasn’t right. That would have been too pushy. Not fair. This night was about her. If he’d gone about it the way he wanted it would have had all eyes on him.

He knew, though, that he needed to be here with her. To tell her how he really felt and what he wanted and then if she still wanted that with him, still wanted to be with him, they could end the night the way it was meant to be ended. Together.

“Hi, Harry,” Y/n spoke softly, keeping her eyes on his eyes as she took the lovely bouquet full of pink peonies and soft cream roses.

Harry gestured toward the brown Midcentury style couch, “Will you sit with me? I won’t take up much of your time if you don’t want. I just wanted to say some things.”

The couch was large enough for just two people. Harry was glad she had to sit so close to him. He wanted to eat her up she looked so pretty and so sweet. And just the fact that she’d come to him to entertain a conversation had him soaring.

Placing the bouquet down on the glass coffee table, Y/n noticed the bottle of wine and two glasses as he pointed, “Would you like a glass?”

Nodding her head, Harry pulled the cork out and poured her a bit of the red wine. She felt like she should say no just for the fact that she’d only just finished a glass of white wine and surely it would make the red wine taste odd. But ultimately she figured she could use another glass of wine.

“Yesterday I was working up the courage to tell you how I want to be with you for good,” Harry said as he leaned his back into the cushion behind him with his own glass of wine, “Wanted to tell you how serious I am about you. But I thought you were planning on breaking up with me so I needed a minute to figure out how I was going to convince you to stay.”

Y/n’s eyes bounced over his features as she cinched her brows inward. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had he wanted the same thing she did the whole time?

“And I’m so sorry that it seemed to you like I was putting off a serious conversation with you. That’s my fault. I should have stayed there with you in bed and listened to you right off. Even if it meant potentially having you break up with me,” he licked his lips and sighed, “Instead, I did what I normally do and tried and figure out a way to make something work in my favor. So I paused that moment hoping you’d change your mind, or that I could come up with something. Prolonging it for the sake of just holding on to you a little longer.

“It’s because I’m selfish and I like to control the narrative. But that’s never been fair to you. So, I understand if my apology is no good anymore. I just felt like maybe I can tell you what was really happening in my head yesterday. Because that part, you did have wrong.”

Y/n blinked her eyes and nodded, “Well, then… I guess I’m sorry too. Because it sounds like I might have jumped to conclusions. I just didn’t think you’d want something serious. Long term. But there’s more to it than just that you know?”

Harry frowned and shook his head, “What do you mean?”

Y/n could see how timid Harry had been since the moment she walked into the room with him. She felt the need to help assuage him so she turned her body toward his and pulled his hands into hers before speaking, “I mean that I’m getting older and I think it’s time for me to really settle down. For good. I mean…” she breathed out a nervous laugh, “like, babies, marriage… death. All that. That’s what I mean.”

Harry nodded and raised his brows, “Yeah?”

Y/n grinned as Harry’s thumbs ran along the sides of her hands. The corner of his mouth pulled upward. She could see his swagger return in almost an instant. His eye contact was solid and his dimples carved into his cheeks.

“Well, yeah,” she started to feel flustered by his proximity, the way she could see his pupils roaming over her face and watching her mouth, “I’m not saying we need to get married but like,” she swallowed, “I’d like for us to be serious enough to know that we’d be headed that direction if things are good. And I know you’re super famous and that’s why yesterday I just…”

“I want to be with you. I want it all with you.” Harry bowed his head, finally breaking eye contact and his hands tightened around hers, “I thought you were done with me. I thought you were going to break up with me and that I wasn’t going to be worth all the trouble for you. Because I know this is a lot.”

“No. I just thought you wouldn’t want what I wanted and the way you reacted to me telling you I wanted to talk and how you didn’t come to find me after you were done showering… I felt like you were trying to figure out the best way to break it to me- either that or you were trying to avoid me. I just… Thought the worst.”

She couldn’t have described the way her insides were pulsing and expanding and churning. She’d spent the better half of the day reeling over losing him. Over knowing she might not get to look into his eyes in this way again. Might not see the small freckles on his face again and the way he blushed despite being so sure of himself. But here she was sitting with Harry and in under three minutes everything had changed. If she had just listened yesterday. If he had just listened.

“But so did I. That’s why we’re in this mess. I thought you were breaking up with me and so my behavior made you think the worst.”

Y/n smiled and allowed herself to indulge in his eyes and in the grin he was holding back and the way his fingers felt on hers… Was she just dreaming? Was she just about to wake up and realize it had all been a dream?

“Is it okay if I… ?” He pulled at her gently and slowly wrapped his arms around her and she smelled his familiar cologne. She loved how this felt. Hugging him. Feeling his solid body against hers. She eased into his hold and wrapped her own arms around him.

Harry whispered into her ear, “I should have told you everything yesterday. Let you talk and then we wouldn’t have gotten in this mess. It’s me and you, Y/n. Okay? Me and you. That’s what I want.”

Tears of relief and elated joy broke from her waterline and Harry pulled her in tighter, kissing her temple, “I thought you were done with me. I thought you wanted to break up with me,” the anguish in his voice was not missed. He’d been hurting too.

Harry brushed his palm up and down on her back slowly and pressed his lips to the top of her head, “God I was so worried this was it for us. Fuck. I’m not letting you leave me again like you did. I can’t be away from you like that, Y/n.”

Pulling her head back to look up at him she did see the glisten in his eyes from the start of tears. She knew hers matched. It all felt like a dream. But just in case it was real she needed to speak the words. Sliding her hands upward and cupping his face she was nearly trembling from relief and excitement, “I love you, Harry.”

Harry closed his eyes and pressed his forehead into hers, clutching her lovely dress tightly, “God, I love you, Y/n.”

.           .           .

Stepping into the gallery with all the other people in the room and having Harry by her side felt surreal. Everyone was watching them. She was okay to share this night with him. There was no way around it that people wouldn’t be interested in her because of her boyfriend. She figured that would be something she’d just have to get used to.

Harry squeezed her hand tight and she looked up at him. He looked proud. So important with a big, pleased smile on his lips as he looked down at her.

“You realize you’re coming back home with me after this. Right? And I’m never letting you leave me again.”

Harry had grown a lot as an individual. He still had moments where he could be pushy and use his charm to get the things he wanted, but he figured some things just couldn’t be totally trained out of him. He allowed Y/n to make her own choices. He gave her space when she needed but she came back to him in the end. He wanted her to be his and everything they’d done that had gotten them to where they were currently had worked out. So Harry had no regrets about coming to her on this night.

“Of course, I’m coming home with you. I’d be offended if you assumed otherwise,” she smirked happily. “And I wouldn’t dream of leaving you again.”

Harry couldn’t wait to get her home and make love to her. Seal it all together in finality. He knew that tonight was just the beginning for them.

And as if they could both read one another’s minds they smiled and paused together in time. Everything had finally come together for them. At last.

A/N: This is the last part of this series! Would love your feedback!

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[rainbowsky]

Hi rainbowsky! I'm a new-ish (autumn 2023) Yizhan fan - it's been so much fun to explore and read everything available, your blog included! I really enjoy your opinions and insights. I have a question and a request. Question: When CQL first started airing, what were people saying about the relationship between WWX and LZ in the show, and about the actors playing them? Did the CP start right away? Request: Then later on, when the BTS started appearing (when was that - after the show finished airing, right?), what were people saying about the real interactions between the two actors? Were people shocked? Amazed? Even more curious? I can imagine social media was on fire! But I'd like to hear from someone who "lived" through it in real time. Please give me a description of what it was like - especially what your thoughts and feeling were as you saw it happening. I wish I could have been there! Thank you!

Hi Blbrave! Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!

This is all a very, very long time ago, but I'll do my best to share what I can remember.

Actually, the CP started before the show began airing. The supertopics were opened during filming in 2018. I think this was inevitable, given that the series is based on a BL story. Of course fans of the novel will go into all of this with an eye toward the two characters and, by extension, GG and DD.

Similarly, as the show was airing of course there were a large number of viewers who knew it was a BL and viewed it as a BL at that time, even though it was being billed as a martial brotherhood series. There was a lot of analysis from fans trying to spot various ways that the production team managed to get around censorship and signal the queer romance between WWX and LWJ.

Others have done far better, more comprehensive analysis of all that than I could ever do, but it's so long ago I don't know where those posts might have gone. Some of this was discussed in my post about queerbaiting, so you can look there for more info.

As I said in that post, one of their smartest ways of highlighting the queer relationship was to downplay romance between the straight characters. We never see a straight couple doing something that we don’t also see LWJ and WWX doing. The wedding happens off camera, yet we see LWJ and WWX do their bows on camera. There’s never a kiss or any kind of PDA between straight characters, yet we see LWJ and WWX in each other’s arms throughout the series.

We got a gay kiss:

We got gay sex:

There was also the headband repeatedly being described as the domain of only family and spouses, and the various ways they connected it with WWX. WWX grabbing it when he was possessing the paperman, and also at one point being tied to LWJ by the wrist with the headband - all of this signalling that WWX was a spousal figure for LWJ.

There was the drunk scene with LWJ giving WWX chickens (a wedding tradition in China).

And many more examples I won't get into.

There were many of those types of things in the series, and they were discussed enthusiastically at the time. However, I don't think there were many bystanders who made those connections. It was primarily fans of the books/show (i.e. those who appreciated it as a BL story and not as a bromance/friendship story) who saw and discussed those hints.

I know the idea that anyone could be so oblivious to the gay subtext throughout the story that they miss the queerness entirely is hard to get one's head around, but straight viewers usually just see WWX and LWJ as best friends and sworn martial brothers. The show could never have been made or aired if that wasn't the case.

In fact, newer fans might not be aware that there was a lot of controversy during filming because of leaked early attempts to create a straight romance between Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing. Some relationship-building scenes between them were filmed, and at one point in the BTS GG is heard complaining about the straight romance and saying that all those scenes should be deleted.

In the production team's defense, there was doubt at the time about whether the show could air given its source material as a BL novel. They likely had investors and backers pressuring them to make sure that the story was unambiguously straight.

Fans of the novel made a massive uproar about it, threatening to boycott the series. The backlash was so extreme that it became a bigger threat to the success of the show, and the straight romance was killed. We all owe a lot to those agitators! 😅

The BTS

The BTS clips were first discussed in an Untamed press conference (that section of the interview starts at around 36:30). The producer said that in the future some of the behind-the-scenes moments would be shared. GG and DD exchanged a glance and looked extremely uncomfortable with it.

A lot of turtles find that clip funny, and laugh about what GG and DD might 'have to hide', but I have never understood how fans can find GG and DD's discomfort funny.

It might surprise some newer turtles to hear that there were moments where GG and DD appeared to be uncomfortable with the BTS, but there were.

Another moment happened in an interview where GG and DD were asked to explain a BTS scene of the two of them in the boat, where GG is lying in DD's lap. DD turns to the interviewer with a shocked and displeased look on his face and says, "They released this?"

There were other moments as well, but I haven't kept a comprehensive record of all that. This happened long before I clued in on how quickly clips can disappear in this fandom.

I believe that it is totally normal to have mixed feelings about the BTS, and I believe GG and DD are no exception to that. No doubt they enjoy some of the clips and feel uncomfortable about some of them, just like many turtles (myself included).

There were official BTS clips released during promo, but the unofficial BTS clips didn't come until later. I talked in more detail about the unofficial BTS and how they came to be released here.

The unofficial clips began being released by fansites in the fall of 2020. It would be hard to overstate how different the atmosphere around them was to what it is now. Now it's quite common to find BTS clips all over the place, both in C-social media and on international sites like YouTube and Instagram.

However, back in 2020 they were extremely hard to get ahold of, and sharing them outside of where they were initially released was strictly forbidden and frowned upon by fans. In fact, if you dig back through my 2020 posts I'm sure you'll find many posts where I admonish people not to share the BTS clips, and where I bitch about people sharing them without authorization. I also answered a lot of asks about these issues at the time (just one example).

Times have changed a lot, and now everyone is sharing them all very freely without any concerns.

The situation was a lot different back then:

GG and DD had gained a tremendous amount of popularity from the show, but their reputations and careers were not yet fully established and secure.

227 was still an active concern that was still making news and still impacting GG's life directly. He had not yet recovered from any of it and was still mostly lying low. He was constantly being attacked and antis were constantly out to get him.

The Untamed was still fresh and current, and being discussed regularly in the media. Because filming was still fairly recent, what happened during filming would still run the risk of impacting GG and DD's lives and careers.

Fans were coming under very close scrutiny because of 227 and other fandom-related scandals. The government was starting to crack down heavily on fandom culture.

This was all uncharted territory. No one knew how the BTS might be received, or how it might impact GG and DD. Fans were very freaked out about the possibility of anything compromising getting leaked and harming the boys.

No doubt fansites were also worried about how fans might respond to some of the releases, and wanted to ensure they didn't upset or anger fans, or stir up more excitement than could be safely contained within the fandom.

All of this contributed to a climate of extreme caution and secrecy around the release of BTS clips.

We never knew when one might be released, and when they were released they were typically only put online for a few minutes, then deleted. This was all done in an effort to limit the exposure of these clips primarily to turtles who have GGDD's best interests in mind.

The clips were heavily watermarked and overlaid with visual and audio curses that 'reuploaders must die!' ('banyun biss', which I'm sure most of you have encountered in some of the clips you've seen).

Early clips were heavily watermarked.

Those who missed out were out of luck. It was extremely socially unacceptable to re-share clips once they'd been deleted. Those who missed out would have to rely on recaps and transcripts from those who had seen the clips. Fans took to staying up all hours watching and waiting for a release.

Back in those days people tried to save every clip they could, hoarding them greedily. Turtles' phones were filling up with large video files. It's funny to think about now, because the clips are everywhere and so easy to find these days, but back then it was a whole Thing.

The initial releases were sporadic and quite tame as fansites dipped their toes in the water of how all this would be received. Gradually over time clips became more frequent and stayed up longer, and some of the more salacious stuff began being released. Those clips were often accompanied by hilarious intro images.

(For those who don't get it, it's the PornHub logo).

Of course all of the clips were heavily discussed as they came out, and a clearer picture of GG and DD's relationship and of their experience of filming began to take shape over time. Some of the fake rumors (such as the 49 fake candies and the CPN that GG designed a racing suit for DD) were gradually proved to be true as these clips were released. However, that was mostly confined to fandom circles.

There were occasionally times when these clips or their content would cross over into the mainstream and start trending on Weibo. In many of those cases, the hotsearches would be bought and pushed by antis of GG and DD who want to see them cancelled. At those times turtles would jump into action to wash those topics and replace them with mundane, unrelated content.

There were fan theories and fake rumors about GG and DD's reaction to the clips. Sometimes when new clips were released GG and DD would be seen online and turtles assumed they were watching them. Of course, considering the clips featured them, it's highly likely that they did eagerly await releases just like the rest of us.

A large percentage of BXG light banners and slogans came directly out of the BTS, some of which you can see GG and DD discussing in LRLG rumors.

I suspect that it was likely a mixed bag for them. Some clips might have really stressed them out either upon initial release or after reactions began to emerge, while others likely made them laugh and feel nostalgic about filming.

Dumplings, rice noodles, 3+2 biscuits (cr @knivescharade in this post), discussed in this LRLG rumor.

There were definitely a few scandals and close calls that came out of the unofficial BTS, and solos and antis frequently tried to use them against GG and DD and tried to spin negative narratives about their relationship based using disingenuous takes and edits of them (they still do to this day).

For example, the clip where GG tells DD that he prefers a natural look to idol makeup was used against GG at the time, and antis tried to make it seem like GG was homophobic and that GG was against men wearing makeup. Some of the clips where they were playfighting or bickering were used to try to create a narrative that they hated each other. That kind of thing.

BTS and fan service

One of the most common questions I've gotten about the BTS - and I still often get this question - is, "Aren't the BTS just acted out/scripted as fan service to promote the show?"

There are a few reasons people have this question in their minds.

Solos #1 narrative about GGDD is that their CP was just for the show and the BTS was all fan service, and nothing about their relationship is real. They push this claim very aggressively on social media anytime GGDD or The Untamed is discussed, and new fans will almost always encounter those claims in this way.

CP fan service is a normal part of how dramas are promoted, so people familiar with Asian dramas will often immediately jump to that assumption about GG and DD and about the BTS.

Heteronormativity leads many people to immediately dismiss the possibility of a gay relationship, which leads them to try to come up with other explanations for those clips.

People naturally have a hard time believing what they're seeing with some of those clips. Some of it is pretty jaw-dropping and it's understandable that some people will be skeptical.

However, there are a lot of really good reasons why these clips are obviously not fan service.

For one thing, the show was billed as a martial brotherhood, not as a romance. Some of the official BTS clearly did try to appeal to CP and MDZS fans and could be counted as fan service, but those weren't even the ones BXG are most excited about. (There is a playlist of some of the official BTS clips here).

The most exciting stuff was never released during promo, and almost none of it is overtly romantic. A lot of it is really crude and totally unreleasable as promo. GG and DD are lewd, crude and often rude in ways that only two people who are really close could ever get away with. In many cases it's the casual way GG and DD constantly cross polite social boundaries with each other that shows their intimacy, rather than anything overtly sweet or romantic.

A lot of it is also totally incomprehensible to regular audiences. You have to be a turtle digging deeply into GGDD to understand the significance of most of it. For example the way GG took care of DD on his birthday, or the way DD constantly bargained and haggled with GG to get him to eat more.

Most importantly, if it was all fan service then why did GG and DD never do any joint CP endorsements? The entire point of doing that type of fan service is to make a buck. Other drama CP - including BL - do this all the time.

And it doesn't make sense that a production that was as low budget as The Untamed could afford to have the two lead actors learn a whole second set of lines and do a whole second performance that never ended up getting released.

And of course, none of that explains why the bulk of the BTS clips ended up in the hands of fans and released years after the show finished airing. A lot of it still has never been released to this day.

I've often joked that if the BTS were scripted they were far more complex, more melodramatic and better written than the drama itself. You just can't come up with this stuff in a writer's room. 😅

Anyway, this post got a bit long but hopefully it gives you a bit more of a picture of what it was all like at the time. Sorry, I guess I didn't talk much about my own feelings/reactions, but hopefully you can get somewhat of a sense.

Overall it was exciting, but I also had some deep reservations about it all (and got a lot of hate mail for voicing those feelings, too). Keep in mind this wasn't long after 227, so I think it's understandable that I was feeling very wary about everything.

But that's all water under the bridge now. It's been many years, and if the BTS were going to harm GGDD it would have already happened. I think it's all pretty safe territory now.

Edit: some more of my thoughts and feelings at the time:

One of the most exciting things for me about the BTS clips was seeing so many of the fake rumors being proved true. There were a lot of rumors (including the 49 fake candies) that I totally scoffed at when I first heard about them, only to later find via the BTS clips that I had been totally wrong about them and that these things had actually happened, and even crazier things were gradually revealed.

Things were changing pretty rapidly for a while there now that I think about it.

Learning more about their relationship and seeing just how much they looked out for each other was another big one for me. Also the timeline. The BTS really reinforced my belief in The Devil's Timeline (the belief that they got together prior to filming).

But overall that was a very different time in the fandom as well. There were always so many candies coming out, not just BTS clips but things that came out of GG and DD's activities and social media posts. It was a really really busy time in the fandom.

Since then there has been a government crackdown on fandom culture, on the entertainment industry, on LGBTQ etc. in China, plus DD's split with Nike and him having to delete a lot of his GG candy posts from his Weibo account.

Things are so different now, and unfortunately a lot of it for the worse. Being a turtle is not always easy, and I'm sure being GG and DD can't always be easy either. We make it work, but I do sometimes look back wistfully on the freer, more exciting times in the fandom.

More such times could come in the future. We just have to keep moving forward and hope for the best.

Somewhat related: I did a semi-comprehensive post about GG and DD's reaction to turtles here.

#bjyx #yizhan #untamed bts #the mysteries of yizhan #thanks so much #ask

[mbappebby]

Little Leclerc || Five

Ollie Bearman x Madelyn Leclerc (OC)

Summary: Even if it’s not the full picture, people can work out anything online..

Requested: Yes, by anonymous: Hii! Can I request something for the Little Leclerc series where Madelyn posts for their 1 year anniversary and it might not be the whole picture but the fans can figure out that it is Ollie? That leads to their relationship being basically leaked to the media and Charles and Arthur find out and are not happy. Thank youuu xx

Words: 1.2K +

Series

Taglist: @christianpulisic10 @callsignwidow @honethatty12 @sebscore @lorarri @shamelesspotatos @formulas-bitch

(let me know if you want to be added)

Madelyn and Ollie were in London, they both had a week break before the next race and decided to spend a few days in London for their anniversary.

“Can you believe it’s been a year?” Madelyn asked. “Time flies by, that’s all I got to say” Ollie replied. “It really does, we were in F3 and F2 and now I’m in F1 and your in F2” Madelyn added.

“Your 18 and in F1! That’s a better achievement than me!” Ollie replied. “Hey! It won’t be long before you get up here too!” Madelyn said.

“It’s the dream to” Ollie mumbled. “And you will achieve that dream” Maddie said with a smile. “I love you” Ollie replied.

“I love you too” Madelyn said as they kissed. The couple spend the whole day together to celebrate their 1 year.

“What picture do you want me to post?” Maddie asked. “What about the one when we hiked up that mountain and took a timed photo in front of some flowers?” Ollie suggested.

“Ooo! I love that one! You can’t see your face in it, but fans will probably catch on. That’s basically announcing our relationship, you okay with that?” Maddie said.

“I am, but what about Charles and Arthur? They don’t know” Ollie told her. “Oh, it’s fine I’ll deal with them” Madelyn replied as she posted the photo.

~~

madelynleclerc

Liked by olliebearman, charles_leclerc and 2,447,992 others

madelynleclerc: 1 year, je t’aime🐻❤️

view all 43,738 comments

username Has to be Ollie!! Look at the emoji!!

username Awhhh, Mads and Ollie🥹

username 1 year?!?!

charles_leclerc MADELYN JULES LECLERC!! Qui est-ce ?! (who is this)

arthur_leclerc Répondez à nos textes! (Answer our texts)

username Oh no, Mads is trouble👀

username I mean I think Charles and Arthur were the only ones who couldn’t see it..

username Overprotective brothers incoming…

username Awh, you guys are so cute!!!🥰

olliebearman 🤍🫶🏼

arthur_leclerc My sister mate, really?!

username Uh no..Arthur ain’t happy..

username You guys are cute!!

username Still can’t believe Maddie don’t tell Charles or Arthur..

username A year already?!?

~~

“I don’t think that was a good idea to post that..” Madelyn mumbled. “I mean, at least it’s out now? I mean your brothers will be annoyed..” Ollie added.

“I know, they are just so overprotective that’s why I never told them. I didn’t even tell Enzo or maman either they just figured it out..” Madelyn replied.

“I mean nearly everyone could see something was going on in the end, except for Charles and Arthur. I don’t wanna go back into the F2 paddock as I know they will be there waiting for me..” Ollie said.

“Well, lucky you don’t have a race while I will have to end up going over to Monaco just to get yelled at by them” Madelyn told him.

“Are they that overprotective of you?” Ollie asked. “Yeah, ever since papa died. Enzo ain’t even that bad bad he is the oldest! Even maman has told them to try and calm down but they don’t..” Madelyn replied.

Ollie was just about to say something when his girlfriend’s phone started the blow up with messages from two certain brothers..

~~

Charlie🫶🏼

MADELYN!

We find out your dating via social media?!

Why didn’t you ever tell us?!

Your dating a driver!!

A whole year you hid it from us?!

You better be in Monaco tomorrow.

ThurThur🫶🏼

Really Madelyn?!

My old teammate Mads?!

To make it worse you were dating him when we were teammates!

A whole year you hid it from us!!

I bet Enzo and Maman know as well!

Better be in Monaco tomorrow.

~~

“That’s just great..” Madelyn mumbled as Ollie wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry, I was the one that wanted you to post that photo..” Ollie said.

“Baby, don’t blame yourself. Please, but I really do need to get to Monaco..” Madelyn replied. “If you want to come back, you know where I am” Ollie added.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely be back. I’ll probably walk in there have an argument with them and walk straight back out” Madelyn replied.

Madelyn started to pack a little bag, they made their way to the airport. “Let me know how it goes okay? You can easily come back here whenever” Ollie said.

Madelyn nodded as they hugged tightly and kissed. “I love you, I’ll be back soon” Maddie told him. “I’ll be here waiting for you” Ollie said.

Madelyn broke away from the hug and she made her way to her gate, soon enough she got on the plane and was on the way to Monaco.

#f1 #f1 imagines #formula 1 #ollie bearman imagines #ollie bearman x reader #ollie bearman #ollie bearman x leclerc!sister #charles leclerc x sister #arthur leclerc x sister

[storiesofsvu]

Holiday Bingo 2023

That's right besties! It's that time of year again! And in an attempt to keep y'all entertained with your favourite blorbos, I'm hosting this bingo so we can all share our creations and you have something to fixate on while I'm busy as hell at work!

As per usual:

Submissions can be anything! A mood board, a ficlet, headcanons, drabble, gif sets, one shots, social media au's, make it a mini series following the holiday journey of the same two characters! literally whatever you want!

Prompts are all winter/holiday themed. If it specifically says "Christmas" it does not need to be Christmas, it can be whatever holiday this time of year that you want!

Read the rest of the rules under the cut!

Prompts can be made into any genre, make it super spicy, make it tooth rottingly sweet, make it angsty as all hell and break our hearts, make it a wild AU, do whatever you want with them as long as they are what inspired your story. (aka "first snowfall" could be the first time character a is seeing snow, it could be the first snow of the year, it could be the characters baby's/dog's first time seeing snow. It can be cute, catching snow flakes on tongues or sad, bringing back memories with a friend who has passed. Literally whatever you want.) Just make sure to include any and all appropriate warnings/tags at the TOP of the post and I don't want to see any TikTok censoring of words!

Fics can be a ship, a reader insert, an OC, or any kind of crossover! Mix and match, stick with one, try out a new character or fandom!

Accepted Fandoms:

Literally everything and everyone. This is wide open to any and every fandom/show/movie that you want, it's free game besties! It doesn't matter if I write/read that fandom, do what you would like!

Some Inspiration:

-Law and Order (OG, OC, SVU)

-Criminal Minds

-Marvel

-NCIS

-One Chicago

-Abbott Elementary

-Mayans

-Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice

-911/Lonestar

-OUAT

-The L Word

-Wednesday

Rules:

You MUST tag me @storiesofsvu and use the hashtag #storiesofsvuholidaybingo2023 on each creation and I'll put together the masterlist.

Bingo begins on November 25th and will run all the way to January 20th.

You may only post/submit ONE creation per day!

Only one bingo square per creation

No underage characters involved in relations.

Tag all and every warning appropriately at the top of the fic

Anything over 1000 words must be under a readmore!

Everyone is welcomed and encouraged to participate! You do not need to be following me, we don't need to be mutuals, if you see this post and want to play, let's go!

If anyone has questions, feel free to comment or send me a message/ask!

Some playlists to get us in the mood:

________________

tagging some people who might be interested? (if you got tagged and have no idea who i am/where this came from it is likely that i have read your stuff and loved it/have some bookmarked on my to bed read lol. feel free to ignore.)

@prentiss-theorem @swimmingstudentchaos891 @rustyzebra @plaidbooks @thatesqcrush @adarafaelbarba @detective-giggles @mickey-gomez @alexusonfire @bumblebear30 @tropes-and-tales @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix @beccabarba @prurientpuddlejumper @fighterkimburgess @baubeautyandthegeek @melk917 @blackbird-brewster @virescent-v @leftoverenvy @iamnotoriginalphil @happenstnces @daddy-heather-dunbar @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @five-bi-five-main @thehauntingofbasingse @supercriminalbean @h0tch-r0cket @bullet-prooflove @boldlyvoid @astrophileous @slutforsilverfoxes @cissyenthusiast010155 @hotchs-bitch @honeypiehotchner @whiteberryx @v3nusxsky

#law and order svu #criminal minds #ncis #marvel #mcu #abbott elementary #wednesday #wednesday netflix #grey's anatomy #writing bingo #law and order #one chicago #911 #911 lonestar #mayans mc #stranger things #wanda maximoff #olivia benson #larissa weems #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #melissa schemmenti #Spotify #storiesofsvuholidaybingo2023

[lord-squiggletits]

Thinking about IDW Optimus again and the fandom's aversion to even acknowledging he exists bc he's a cop or whatever and like. Most of the time people literally just replace him in fic with some white bread knockoff archivist/librarian, not even bothering to keep in IDW OP's personality (which just bolsters my theory that the problem isn't him being a cop the problem is that he's too multifaceted but I digress).

And it's annoying because you could totally write IDW Optimus as not a cop while still keeping his canon personality. You just have to realize that the reason IDW OP became a cop in the first place is because his formative experiences when he was young shaped him to basically have two priorities: 1. To help people and 2. To do it by being on the ground actively doing something about the bad things happening to people.

IDW OP would not be a fucking librarian or archivist because even though those are noble pursuits that can help people and change the world, and Optimus is educated/smart enough for the profession, he wouldn't be satisfied just teaching people or spreading information about activism or social-historical studies or whatever. He's a mech of action: he needs to be doing things right now, in front of him, to people he sees/interacts with in his own eyes, improving society with concrete actions rather than indirect action or abstract inspiration.

So basically the alternate job ideas I can think of for IDW Optimus are something like being a firefighter (or any first responder really) or even whatever the equivalent would be to international charity organizations, those ones that send volunteers across the world to do stuff like build housing/infrastructure or distribute food or whatnot. I mean I can't imagine that the equivalents to these things would be exactly the same in IDW Cybertron, so you'd have to get a little creative with it, but these are just some ideas of jobs that would fit IDW Optimus' personality while still filling the niche of "not a cop" for people who are just that opposed to it.

Though I think the revulsion against coptimus is annoying in general tbh because IDW is already a continuity that rejects the idea of easily defined good/evil people or groups. It feels like people really want Optimus to be a good person in a very sanitized and academically approved way, so he has to be nice and squeaky clean but also like, a perfect leftist who knows theory and holds the most progressive opinions on every single issue....

There is no room for the idea that good people join bad institutions, there's no room for the idea that the reason people think cops are good guys who help people is bc of the government propaganda everything is saturated with. Hell there's even later issues of the Optimus Prime series by John Barber where Optimus like, MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES, is shown in flashbacks grappling with the fact that he as a cop/Zeta's regime that he works for might not actually be improving society like they say they are, and dealing with the fact that he feels more like a lesser evil compared to the Decepticons (perhaps not "lesser" at all).

It's like there's this idea in fandom of like, fictional media and opinions on media having to strictly adhere to progressive ideals at all times. So people just go "cops bad, this character is a cop, therefore they suck" without being willing to engage with the idea of like. IDW OP is born wanting to fight injustice and protect people -> a good way to protect people is to fight the people who are hurting them and committing crimes -> surely following the law is a reliable moral code to guide him in this -> becomes a cop because he's been indoctrinated into a society (much like our own) where he was told that the state/the law exist to protect the people and being a cop means you get to fight bad guys that hurt people. There's really so many interesting concepts there that could be (and CANONICALLY IS) explored about how good, well-intentioned people can be led to harmful actions simply because they have been fed the idea that the things they're doing are good/helpful/noble. Which is especially important for a character like Optimus, I think, who has a cultural icon status as The Irrefutable and Perfect Good, so it's really important actually to use IDW Optimus as an example of how even the most noble people you know have held problematic beliefs or done bad things at some point in their life. You know, because no one is born perfect and ideologically pure, and in fact society is constructed in exactly a manner to make people drink the kool-aid and believe that the systems designed to hurt them/others are just a normal, if flawed, society.

I mean the writing in IDW literally has Optimus deal directly and indirectly with the harm he's done as a cop and how people don't/didn't trust him because of that. I don't know what the fuck else this fandom wants if the source material literally saying "OP realizes that cops suck and he hurt people and earned their disdain by doing the things he did" doesn't stop them from going EW cop bastard sucks and is the worst Optimus. Like the narrative barely stops short of outright saying ACAB and Optimus himself would agree with this sentiment.

At that point, the collective fandom beef with IDW OP isn't because he's a cop and the narrative didn't do enough to condemn that. The problem is literally just that people don't read and don't care

TLDR: Consider the fact that good people can do bad things sometimes especially when living from birth in a corrupt society that thoroughly disguises its vices/oppressive structures as completely normal parts of existence

#squiggposting #idw op love #like honestly just admit that you havent actually read his parts of the story #or that in a continuity of moral grayness you insist OP must be the one person who's perfectly good #bc idk Optimus is supposed to be good and perfect bc nostalgia/marketing/mythology says he should be #also i feel like theres evidence here of a very juvenile mindset of like #to be good a person has to have all the right beliefs and say it in all the right ways #which is the mindset only extremely insular or inexperienced ppl could possibly have lmao #heartbreaking i know but IRL there are very few people who are and always have been progressive and perfect #there are ppl within progressive mvmts that have unaddressed harmful beliefs outside of their Chosen Issue #there are people who wouldnt ID as progressive at all but are still good ppl who act well towards others #like if youve actually interacted with ppl IRL you understand that if you reject everyone who isnt Perfectly Progressive #youll have few if any allies and possibly alienate ppl who would help/ARE HELPING #like idk do you know how many ppl i personally know who i think have some bigoted/problematic beliefs #but im still friends or collaborators w them bc i understand that theyre still good ppl learning and growing #like. learn to understand that 'goodness' doesnt always look like a walking leftist textbook please i'm begging #and in fact sometimes stories. esp adult and mature ones. will present you w problematic ppl #and you have to like. grapple with their flaws and explore the tension between intention and consequences #a bit of a philosophy tangent rather than anything TF related which is why i kept it to the tags

[natlacentral]

Forget The Haters, Avatar Live-Action Star Elizabeth Yu Is Our Princess Azula

When Netflix’s Avatar: The Last Airbenderannounced that newcomer Elizabeth Yu was cast as Princess Azula, some fans of the original Nickelodeon cartoon immediately took to social media to complain. Some thought she looked too innocent to play the Fire Nation princess, an antagonist in the Nickelodeon series that takes place in an imagined world with people who can master and manipulate the different elemental energies of Fire, Water, Earth, and Air. Others lamented that her face wasn’t angular like Azula’s is in the cartoon, or that she looked too young for the part. (An especially odd critique considering, though never specified, Azula’s age is believed to be 14. Yu herself is now 21; she was 19 during filming.) But when it comes to the fan reaction, the young actor is completely unphased. “I’m a hit with the kids,” she jokes to Refinery29, adding that she doesn’t take it personally. “I think anybody playing this part would’ve gotten some kind of backlash.”

Yu is confident that when the show premieres February 22, fans will see the live-action show is doing more than recreating the cartoon. In the original, Princess Azula, the ambitious daughter of the Fire Lord Ozai (Daniel Dae Kim), doesn’t appear until Season 2 when she emerges as a new threat to the Avatar, the boy with the power to control all four elements and unite the nations against Ozai’s dictatorial rule. In this iteration, Azula is a recurring character, allowing fans to see her in a brand new light. “It’s an origin story for her,” Yu says. “It’s this foundation being laid out for a lot of things to make sense when we eventually pick up where we first met her in the original series.” So if you were worried Yu’s Azula had lost her villainous edge, don’t be. Yu describes her as “a girl boss,” but “evil.” Still, she says, “Azula is my baby girl, she’s my boo thing. I love her.”

Not only is she unbothered by the early reactions, she’s not at all nervous when thinking about how the show might be received by hardcore fans. Instead, the actor is more concerned with what her two younger sisters will think. The actor has seen Asian American representation grow from Disney Channel’s The Suite Life of Zack and Cody — “All I had growing up was London Tipton,” she says, giving a shoutout to star Brenda Song — to recent Oscar-nominated films, like her 2023 favorite Past Lives starring Greta Lee. As half-Korean, Yu is proud to be a part of this current shift. “The idea that my little sisters are going to be able to watch TV and movies, and the likelihood of them getting to see someone that looks like them is so much higher, is such a win. It’s so healing to know that we’re creating an industry where little girls — little anyones — can feel like that.” 

The fact that Avatar: The Last Airbender stars Asian actors is arguably the new show’s biggest break from the original series. When the cartoon first premiered in 2005, it only featured a few Asian and Asian American voice actors, despite the fact that it took place in a world inhabited by mostly Asian and Indigenous peoples. When the beloved series was adapted into a widely panned live-action film, The Last Airbender (2010), the cast also remained mostly whitewashed, save for members of the Fire Nation, who were depicted as South Asian. Now, two decades after the original’s debut, Asians are finally getting a seat at the table. “It’s monumental,” Yu says.. “It’s so important to be able to see yourself in stories. That’s what storytelling is about.” 

Yu’s confidence is impressive, especially considering Avatar: The Last Airbender is only her third credit on IMDB. She gives off the air of an old pro. And in some ways, she is. Born and raised in New Jersey, she’s been auditioning for acting roles since she was 16. She’s also been dating Stranger Things star Gaten Matarazzo since they were 15. They currently live together in New York City with their three cats, and she’s had a front row seat to his rise to global celebrity. Though she insists she has always tried to keep their careers separate from their relationship, she admits, “Getting to see someone with such a huge heart navigate this industry is the best advice that I could be given.” She adds, “We’re both still trying to figure it out, and it’s really cool to be able to do it together.” 

She continued to audition throughout her last years of high school, though “it was a struggle,” she says. During her senior year, she debated whether or not to go to college or commit to acting full time. In the end, she stuck with her passion. Then, in December 2021, just months after her high school graduation, she booked Avatar. “‘Oh, thank God,’” she recalls thinking. “I’m doing what I should be doing.” She has since gone on to appear in the Oscar-nominated May December, opposite Julianne Moore, Natalie Portman, and Charles Melton.

It wasn’t until her fourth and final audition came around that Yu finally learned what role she was fighting for. “It was insane. I cried on the phone with my mom.” Months later, she was standing on the Fire Nation set next to the legendary Daniel Dae Kim in full armor and regalia, acting between bursts of flames. (“Before they’d call action, they’d be like, ‘Pyro!’ and the flames would ignite from these sconces on the walls. It was insane.”) And though she admits acting opposite Kim was intimidating at first, it was also pretty damn cool. “Who wouldn’t feel like the baddest bitch in the room sitting next to Daniel Dae Kim as Ozai?” 

It sounds lucky, but her road to Azula had more than a few bumps. First, there was the fact that she didn’t know what project she was actually auditioning for. “They sent this completely fake, made-up storyline for this fake TV show. I was auditioning for a character named April,” she explains. After getting a callback, she hit the internet to do some sleuthing. “I became an FBI agent trying to figure out what I was actually auditioning for, because I was like, ‘Something about this does not feel real,’” she says. When she realized that it might be an adaptation of Avatar, a show she watched growing up, she couldn’t believe it. (“I was like, ‘No way. That is definitely not what I’m auditioning for.’”) Then there was the “minor car accident” that she got into right before her first callback. (She made it safe and sound and “did the damn thing!”). 

As for what big names she hopes to work with next, Yu is open for whatever comes her way. For now, she’s got her eyes set on a not-yet-confirmed Season 2 of Avatar, which she hopes will include Azula’s time on Ember Island with her brother Prince Zuko (Dallas Liu) as well as some of her character’s famous lines. “I’m really excited to go into a second season and finally do these iconic line reads that Azula has,” she teases, adding, “I quote them all the time to myself. There’s this one scene in the original where she says, ‘Do the tides command this ship?’ And she’s basically threatening this soldier that she’ll throw him overboard if he doesn’t do what she says. It’s just so badass.”

Live action or not, Princess Azula will always be badass.

#natla #atla #elizabeth yu #azula #article #refinery29

[peachymilkandcream]

Fraud | Part 10 | Yandere All Might x Hero!Reader

(A/N: We're already at ten parts, if things keep this way we might have a series that rivals Break Me Slowly. If this series gets past 40 chapters then we'll know which one I've been enjoying writing more. XD Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, power imbalance, age difference, cheating, forced orgasm, suicide, etc.

================================================

When All Might was finished with Shade he left her there shaking and drained. His superior strength meant she didn't stand a chance against his advances, he would always take what he wanted. Her tears and pleas fell on deaf ears when he finally found his release.

He adjusted his clothes and started his daily routine, as if the night prior he hadn't kidnapped an innocent woman and had his way with her. Business as usual.

Part of this routine was keeping up to date with the world outside, ensuring that his daily activities weren't found out and that he could continue to hide in the shadows.

Unfortunately the media was biting him in the ass.

News of Shade's disappearance had begun to spread like wildfire. Apparently the fool had made several social media posts about her involvement with All Might, as well as that nosy pro who had invited her over wondered what happened to her.

He had been a fool.

So far what the police had told the public is that she had been seen leaving her apartment, there were no signs of a struggle and yet she was gone. Probably taken from a back alley. They were searching them now for any clues as to who this mysterious attacker could be.

Hopefully this would all blow over, it always did. He was even more popular than before now, there was no reason his connections would fail him now. No matter what they found, it would never come back to him, right?

His phone rang.

"All Might." His voice was more stern than he would have liked.

"All Might, this is the chief of police, we'd like you to come in for questioning."

Beads of sweat dripped down his neck. "I'm on my way."

===============================================

Shade felt numb all over, but her insides were burning with pain. Images of the man she looked up to most in life violating her over and over. Her body was filled with his cum, leaking out and making her feel disgusted.

With broken bones and the fear of the fastest hero alive in the next room all she could do was stay still. Hopefully he would come to reason and let her go, if he promised to stay far away from her for the rest of her life she probably wouldn't even press charges. She could live with him roaming free if it meant she'd be safe. But the chances of that she knew were slim.

However in the next room as she waited for his inevitable return Shade could hear the television going. A spark of hope shot through her, they were looking for her. People wanted her to be found and already knew she was missing. If All Might had been careless and left any evidence at the scene where he took her, maybe this whole ordeal would be over sooner than she thought.

She could go home.

Just then the door opens and the man of the hour enters, his face dark and grim. She tries to hide it but the faintest of grins comes to her face, he should be sweating bullets right now, knowing all of this would be brought to justice.

"I'm going out. I'll be back shortly. Don't try anything and I'll see about letting you up to clean yourself."

"Okay, I won't- I'll wait right here- but uhm, where are you going can I ask?"

He doesn't look at her as he responds, resolve and determination etched into his features.

"The Symbol of Peace is needed."

#fraud #yandere all might #all might x you #all might x reader #all might mha #all might bnha #yandere all might x reader #all might #all might x oc #mha #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha toshinori #bnha toshinori #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #toshinori x reader #toshinori yagi x you #toshinori yagi x reader #yagi toshinori #my hero academia toshinori #toshinori yagi #yagi toshinori x reader

[mejigay]

MEJIBRAY MiA is chewing on his ribcage bone

Keeping up with MEJIBRAY: The Series

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Hello to my favorite bitches, long time no see! Ready for a classic mejigay gossip sesh?

If you were anything like me, you started a Tumblr blog about visual kei very young (I've posted about vk on this blog since I was 16) and now you're an adult. MEJIBRAY broke up around 6 years ago now I think right? I am now 24, have a masters degree and planning on moving to Japan in spring. Crazy how time flies right.

Let's refresh our minds a little bit okay? Now I'm assuming you remember everything from those 6-ish years ago. The MEJIBRAY label/contract issue with Tsuzuku and Koichi, Tsuzuku's borderline disorder, the refusal to do encores during the last tour, the charcoal face paint and the result of it all which was 8p-sb. If you want a recap on that specific semi-disbandment drama there's plenty of posts that I made about it while it was happening so feel free to check it out! (keep in mind I was like 18 and very dramatic writing those posts lol) There's also this great summary from a redditor in the comment section here

The same redditor even filled me in on stuff I felt out of the loop about in their reply to the OP. I know 8p-sb is gone and Koichi does Trembling Bambi solo stuff while Genki (Tsuzuku) is a vocal coach, is in the band 30 seconds certain victory, and revives VanessA occasionally. But this has also happened:

Yeah what the fuck Koichi? Now, I do remember starting that yakuza theory here on Tumblr back in the MEJIBRAY semi-disbanding days. I read it on tanuki and told y'all about it and got soooo much shit for it at the time lol. Looks like Koichi kind of confirmed the theory! (take that rude anons in my asks back then lmao). However, Koichi staying in the same industry he claims is rotten and run by the yakuza is definitely weird. Why talk all high and mighty while benefitting from it one may ask. Either way, for those wondering what Koichi is up to, there's your answer and an explanation to why he got backlash. About the VanessA stuff, one can conclude that our favorite duo, Genki and Koichi, doesn't seem to be that involved with each other anymore.

I would also like to take time to talk about Genki's well being, as some of you might know he has a youtube channel in Japanese. From my so-so Japanese skills I can still keep up with a lot of what he's saying. Good news, he's doing better now than the MEJIBRAY days from the looks of it. In this video he talked about how the photo from the MEJIBRAY days was him being unwell and the picture to the right is him feeling much better!

(TW for this paragraph: self harm) In another video he talked about various topics/gave advice such as about self harm/cutting and how it annoys him when people say he shouldn't hurt the body his parents gave to him. He thinks that's an incorrect way to tell someone to stop cutting and seems in general to be very open to talk about this topic while smiling and not getting angered. So he seemed very stable, mature and content to me.

What about Meto/Yutaro? Well, he seems to be a happy chef! As for MiA... I've seen him hang out with hosts like Roland and in general seems to live that bougie life. Roland is a top host who aims for the prince vibe just like MiA, and is open about his plastic surgeries just like MiA. Now let's get into a really recent topic about Mia!

Just like me, you might still follow our MEJIBRAY boys on various social medias. And just like me, you might have seen MiA's picture where he chews a bone. "Huh, weird" you might have thought as you scrolled past it. Well here I am, resurrecting this blog once again, just to tell you that the bone is MiA's fucking ribcage bone. I ain't posting that picture, find it yourself cause it's gross.

As MiA poses in the same costumes from his MEJIBRAY days and posts them on Instagram, you'd think his life and social media posts were a bit mundane. Then, a fucking picture of him chewing a thick ass bone pops up. The bone in question was taken out during a ribcage surgery, that MiA claims was done in order for him to create a custom guitar with his BONE INFUSED into it. Yeah I know. What???

In general you could either see it as him being a massive attention hungry person, or as unhinged and putting his life in danger. Bone surgeries are very harmful and anyone with two working eyes can see his shaved jawline bone already. So adding a removed ribcage bone to that... It's dangerous.

That's it for the gossip sesh! I'm thinking of making this "Keeping up with MEJIBRAY: The series" a thing whenever I think there needs to be a big gossip update like this.

To anyone still here in the MEJIBRAY Tumblr tags and to anyone following this blog, thanks for reading all of this and I hope we can laugh at this absurdity together! <3

xoxo mejigay

(feel free to read that sign off in the gossip girl voice lmao)

#mejibray #8psb #trembling bambi #koichi #koichi niiyama #genki #genki takebuchi #tsuzuku #ex-mejibray #meto #30 seconds certain victory #VanessA #yuutaro #yutaro #mejigay #mejibray gossip

[cyberbun]

An anon asked me what my top 10 favorite anime are and I agonized over this question for months but I think I have an answer. Then I accidentally published this without finishing it so I have to write it again

In no particular order:

Gatchaman Crowds (2013) and it's second season Insight (2015):

Hands down, my favorite anime of all time. As a fan of the superhero genre this has to be the best deconstruction/reconstruction of it I've seen in terms of how it reevaluates the concept of heroism in a digital society and how well it handles its themes of futurism along with personal identity and construction of the self in virtual environments. It is a series with a central thesis about the inherent goodness of humanity expressed through the language of superheroes and social media, and it's one of those stories that really gets the way people engage with the internet in a way that other similar sci-fi stories about fully online societies fail to do even to this day.

The first season's almost naive optimism is then thoroughly torn apart by the second's darker, more introspective tone, which makes the entire show play out like a series of political essays arguing back and forth with the backdrop of colorful superhero action. What makes it particularly good, though, is how it handles this darkening of the narrative, as it asks tough, incisive questions of its own story and still comes out parading genuine optimism about the future of its world and ours.

Because, at its core, it's a superhero story about how everyone has the capacity to be a hero and better themselves and each other. It's a truly transformative experience and, while a lot of its themes can seem... tragically over-optimistic, its datedness almost makes it feel like a time capsule of a time where we were at the cusp of using mass internet penetration to better ourselves as a society, and perhaps remains a reminder of how these technologies may still have the potential to make us all into heroes. Also Rui is a hot gender black hole and I want to be them so badly.

Samurai Flamenco (2014)

In a lot of ways, Samurai Flamenco is sort of the anti-Gatchaman Crowds; it's a straight deconstruction of the tokusatsu genre that's less interested in analyzing the role of superheroes in a society and more about using its own genre to examine the ways fiction allows us to project ourselves as something greater than what we are, while also commenting on said genre's iterations over its history; so ultimately it comes across as both a tribute to it and a deep examination of what exactly makes its fans tick.It is also bat fuck insane and I can't tell you a single thing that happens in it because it goes places. Watching this as it aired was an incredible experience.

Slam Dunk (1993-1994)

The best sports anime ever made. Dead serious. Not only is this a love letter to the game of basketball as a whole that manages to capture the intensity and adrenaline of every single thought that goes through the head of a player in the final minutes of a game, it is also a touching love story with one of the most compelling central casts of characters I've ever seen.

The anime was largely inferior to the manga for a long time on account of it being left unfinished, while the manga remains largely remembered for having one of the most bittersweet endings ever put to page; an equal parts tragic and triumphant culmination of the main character's journey from delinquent layabout to passionate athletic prodigy. Then, last year, we finally got one of the best looking anime films I've seen in my life adapting the final volume of the manga while also expanding the backstory of one of the secondary protagonists of the series.

Part of my love for this series is highly personal. I grew up watching this on TV back in the old country, and seeing it finally be finished after 20 odd years brought me to tears. A lot of it might be outdated by now, but there is yet to be a single anime I am so comfortable watching over and over and over again. I will go to the grave singing its praises.

Soul Eater (2008)

It's Soul Eater, you know Soul Eater. Probably the single most stylish show I've ever seen, visually; and to me still at the peak of the shonen genre as a whole. It's got both some of the best action ever put to animation and some of the most engaging core casts of characters I've seen despite how small its ensemble is. If it seems like I have less to say about it than others in the list it's mainly because it's already popular enough I don't feel like I can contribute much to the conversation; everyone likes Soul Eater. You like Soul Eater. Explaining why Soul Eater is good is like explaining why it is good to eat. Every time I watch Crona's episodes I cry a lot.

RahXephon (2002)

Talking about RahXephon is difficult because conversations surrounding it are usually centered around its relationship to Evangelion; and this is partially because it is, in many ways, a response to it and a reformulation of a lot of the questions that it asked about its story. This is not wholly unfounded, as director Yutaka Izubuchi is a longtime friend and collaborator of Anno's who did do some work in Evangelion prior to this, so the influence is definitely there. For a lot of people, this was rebuild before rebuild. I personally prefer the adage "Evangelion on antidepressants".

I do, however, overall feel this is unfortunate, because taken outside that context, RahXephon is one of the most complex and deeply layered reconstructions of the mecha genre I've ever experienced, with a beautiful score and haunting visual design propping up a story that's equal parts impenetrable as it is deeply layered; made up of so many small character arcs woven into each other completely seamlessly that you always feel like you're watching but a tiny fragment of a large tapestry of stories coming together into a single complete whole. It makes the world of the anime feel simultaneously small and huge, which fits the melancholic post-post-apocalypse visual aesthetic of the narrative It's one of my favorites not because of what happens in it, but because it is one of the most enriching experiences I've had with an anime or any other form of visual storytelling; I always feel like rewatching it makes me take something new away from it that I didn't notice before.

Ergo Proxy (2006)

Part of me has to admit I like Ergo Proxy less as a story and more as an aesthetic. If I had to put a name on how it feels to watch this show it'd definitely be "contemplative"; it's a slow going, compounded puzzle of a narrative which at times borders on self-indulgence with how many layers of things happening at once you're keeping up with. To give you an idea; the seemingly random text crawls during the opening of the show are key pieces of understanding what exactly the plot is by the end of the story. Peel away those layers, and you get a much simpler narrative than it might first appear, with one of my favorite one-sentence summaries: "what if three different Ends of the World crashed into each other at once".

While that seems reductive, one of the things that makes Ergo Proxy feel rewarding to watch, then rewatch to fully understand, is how it does ultimately completely nail the landing with the story it's trying to tell, despite having a complete non-ending that somehow manages to feel satisfying all the same. It's a story that explores themes of identity and human nature through the genre of ecological horror with one of the most stylish depictions of a bleak, dead world I've ever seen put in any narrative. So long as you're okay with a story that doesn't give you a full sense of narrative closure and one where a single watching won't give you all the pieces of the story, it is one of the most rewarding experiences to go back and pick apart, in my opinion. Like a puzzle, you will be left wanting to put all the pieces together by the end.

Ouran High School Host Club (2006)

Don't fucking look at me like that. I watched Ouran at an impressionable age and now I'm bigender. It has a place in my bunny heart. It is foundational to the person I grew up to become.

Cardcaptor Sakura

I watched this dubbed into Spanish back when I was young, and admittedly I don't remember 60% of it, but that doesn't mean I don't think fondly back on it moreso than any other show I ever saw back when I was a child, and one that I've had a lot of joy in going back to it as I've grown older.

I don't have as much to say about it as I do some other shows, and like with Soul Eater, it feels like everything there is to be said about it has already been said elsewhere and better; it is one of the foundational texts for the modern magical girl genre, it is one of the most beautifully animated and designed shows I've ever seen, and the best at keeping the distinct house styles CLAMP is recognizeable for intact in animation as far as I'm concerned. It's my personal choice for what other people would call a "comfort" show; but I do not wish to diminish the story or reduce it to an aesthetic the way a lot of people do for shows like this, considering just how strong the character dynamics and their progression throughout the story are, and the wealth of emotional depth that can be found in just about everyone's arcs.

While the overarching plot and the world of the story aren't as interesting as some other shows of its type, its strengths lies in how it uses that as a solid foundation through which to explore a distinct aspect of the human condition through each of its characters - love, grief, loneliness, devotion to another and many others.

Kekkai Sensen (2015)

This is one of those cases where I feel like I'm going to repeat myself. Take everything I said about Soul Eater, put it here. It is stylish, it's got a strong central cast of characters that are all equally fun and contribute the same amount to the narrative. It's got some of the most intense, lovingly rendered large-scale action scenes I've seen, along with some of my favorite small, touching narratives; thanks to one of the best urban fantasy settings ever put together.

The first season's storyline is a blend of manga chapters with an anime-original plot, while the second season mostly adapts the manga much more closely so it doesn't come together as tightly as the first does, but it is more of the best show of its type of the past decade as far as I'm concerned; and nothing takes away just how incredibly tight that first season feels, even if the final episode was months late and had to go double length while the animation melted a little. And yet, it all comes together beautifully in the end.

Angel Beats

What a surprise this show was. I'll always feel a little bittersweet about it, due to the circumstances that led me to see it, but I'm forever grateful I did. Angel Beats' greatest strength is the way that it disarms the viewer by presenting a fun, albeit somewhat dark supernatural comedy about kids in the afterlife, letting one get comfortable with the silliness of the world before really taking the "children in the afterlife" premise to its logical conclusion: This is a story about death, trauma, tragedy, and moving on- Quite literally, in this case- from the things that weigh us down.

I make no hyperbole when I say that this show has the single strongest emotional climax I've ever experienced, and every time I watch it again I am moved to tears, sometimes more than last. I can't say much, since a lot of what makes this show fun is experiencing it, and realizing the depth of the world along with our point of view character; but the biggest endorsement of it I can give is how gracefully and tactfully it deals with complicated subjects such as abuse, disability and addiction in stories where you know how they all end, and yet give you a satisfying emotional conclusion while also keeping the mood balanced between cheerful when it has to be and heartbreaking, with the latter becoming more and more common by the end of the story.

It's a story about growing up, as much as it is a story about dying. It knows the tragedy of its premise and it chooses to ask the viewer to find joy in the time they have with its cast - a beautiful metaphor for life itself woven deeply into the narrative and never once stated out loud. We know where this story is going, but we're here now, so we might as well have a little fun along the way. That is ultimately what youth is about.

#ask #anon #technically #i lost the original ask

[earthstellar]

Image Comics has dropped their solicits for December 2023, and it looks like Duke #1 is where the Transformers/GI Joe crossover is gonna start really kicking off for the Energon Universe.

I know the general reception to the crossover at the end of ROTB was pretty rough, so it's interesting that they're getting the ball rolling in a GI Joe mini-series.

Personally, my dad was drafted into two wars against his will and suffered greatly for it, so I never had any interest in GI Joe because my dad vehemently hated that shit, as he felt it glorified war to children and that this is morally unacceptable. (He preferred the depiction of Army life of that era in MASH, which he said was at least more honest and aimed at adults.)

I also had classmates who ended up joining the military who had been big fans of GI Joe, two of whom were killed in Afghanistan. I know GI Joe wasn't the only factor involved in their decisions, but it certainly does not make me inclined to like the franchise.

My mother lost her first husband in Vietnam. He had also been drafted against his will. (I strongly dislike the GI Joe Vietnam era material in particular, for perhaps obvious reasons.)

So, I admit my general dislike of the concept of GI Joe as a franchise is at least partly based in my own trauma (and that of my family) relating to the US Army.

I've never been a GI Joe person and never will be (on moral and trauma based grounds), so I fully admit I am not well versed on the lore of that universe, and as such, it's hard for me to make any guesses at what Duke #1 might bring.

But what interests me is that on certain forums and other social media, I've seen very limited audience hype about this crossover in general, especially from the Transformers crowd.

After the extremely progressive writing and fresh visual style and designs of the IDW Transformers storylines which appealed to a lot of people across several age ranges and generations of fans, it feels weird (to me at least) to suddenly have a more old school style crossover with what is essentially a US military propaganda franchise-- At a time when the sociopolitical zeitgeist is that "going traditional" is often associated with "going backwards".

All art is political, and so on.

But I do wonder if what seems to be a lack of audience hype is partially due to the fact that not a lot of Transformers fans (at least, not many under the age of 40 based on what I'm seeing around the internet at the moment) seem to be all that into GI Joe.

A lot of young people are not exactly in love with US military fantasies, and the last Transformers comic series with IDW was a big hit with younger/teen readers-- A lot of that audience might be lost, here.

(And vice-versa from what I can tell, although I'm not in any GI Joe fan spaces so I'm not sure what the mood might be in that community in regards to the Transformers element of this crossover.)

All that having been said, the Energon Universe is only just getting started, and who knows what the comics will actually contain!

I do like G1, so I like the designs for the Transformers as drawn in this run this far.

And who knows, maybe they'll do something new with GI Joe for this. I'm aware that in at least one of the cartoons, they were essentially on the run from the military instead of working for it, which is an interesting twist. Perhaps something similar might happen here, with some Joes siding with the Autobots instead?

It's not fair to judge before a comic is even released, so I'm just thinking out loud here in regards to the crossover concept in general.

I'd be interested to hear what anyone else thinks:

Will you be checking out Duke #1 as a Transformers fan interested in the crossover?

Have any of you been interested in GI Joe previously?

If you're an IDW Transformers fan, are you interested in the Energon Universe?

Any other thoughts on the crossover, any conjecture or hopes for the direction of this run?

I want to give the Energon Universe a chance, but as I mentioned, I do have some difficulty attempting to get into GI Joe in general.

That having been said, I guess we'll have to wait and see what they do with this crossover.

#just thinkin #tw military #transformers #energon universe #transformers comics #long post #idw transformers #idw 1 #maccadam #maccadams

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

how long can you stand the heat || ot7

Warnings: Uhhh, none I think? Non-graphical smut and slight angst, but that's pretty much it for now since I'm still crafting the next part, and some curse words lmao.

I won't control you, but MDNI. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader, Jackson Wang/(F) Reader

Plot: The one where your soulmates don't want you in their life, so you give them what they want and stay out of their way.

Genre: not really unrequited love (but they're all idiots), mutual pining, angst, denial of feelings, poly ot7

How do you think I'm going to get along

Without you when you're gone?

You took me for everything that I had

And kicked me out on my own.

Are you happy? Are you satisfied?

How long can you stand the heat?

Out of the doorway the bullets rip

To the sound of the beat.

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

I originally posted this on ao3 last April but I've just recently thought, "why not post this on tumblr now that i'm using it again after a few years?"

this fic is v self-serving, and was brought to you by my ✨maladaptive daydreams✨

first fic i posted here. idek what im doing but lezzgawwww

Title obviously came from AOBTD. Thank you, Sir John Deacon. You are heaven-sent for making this iconic and legendary bop.

This will be a part of a multi-fic series and i've already crafted 80/90-ish% of the next part im so sorry my mind isn't cooperating rn

✨️

God must be testing your patience.

I mean sure, you might not also be sure that there is indeed a god out there somewhere. However, you must have pissed off some deity or you had pissed on some old man of the mound. Either way, you don't care. You're pissed off now, too.

You see when they rejected you and asked (read: avoided you like the plague until Sejin spoke with you) not to speak or interact with them, you respected their wishes. It stung, but it's not really surprising.

It's not a secret that the seven of them are soulmates, polyamorous soulbonds not even a rarity in and out of the industry. However, it's also not a secret that they're very exclusive and don't let too many (if any) other people in their circle because of the things they had to endure as a group. It makes sense that they wouldn't want a new person intruding and messing with their dynamics, soulmate or not.

(deep down you want to say it doesn't make sense. you're their soulmate, why can't they accept you like that? but there's still nothing you can do, isn't there?)

And so, you delegated all your tasks related to their group to your most trusted employees completely and avoided them at all costs. And by 'at all costs', you mean everything. You even deleted all their songs on your playlists and blocked them on social media (even on Spotify). You can co-exist with them without interacting, although it makes your chest ache through the bond because of the soul rejection like a 24/7 acid relapse.

It's fine. You can ignore all that. You can handle rejection. You've been used to this since you were a kid; adult you can handle this.

Soul rejection side effects? Nothing meds and doctors can't fix. Technology has never been more advanced and all that jazz.

You're a mature person, and you pride yourself on that. You don't like confrontations that much and would rather step back as much as you can to disengage. If your soulmates don't want anything to do with you, then you'll back off.

But you sometimes wonder if they can feel it too, the soul strings fraying and slowly decaying. After shit went down, it's bouts of nausea and dizziness, and constant chest aches for you. That's not even half of it. It'll take a whole day for you to list all your symptoms.

If they do feel it, does it add to their list of reasons why they hate your existence? You mean, they had been borderline antagonistic since your first meeting, cold but civil at best.

It was a contrast to the way the tiny soul marks on each of your fingers glowed on your first meeting even until after Taehyung and Yoongi fled in what you can guess is disbelief and refusal, the others following suit. The warmth in your hands felt scorching, and you had never wanted to scrub them with water in your life then more than you ever did, your chest beating hard and painfully. You remember feeling like someone slashed your insides with a hot knife, and it has never stopped being in pain ever since.

What else were you supposed to think other than they hate you?

Not wanting to risk another embarrassing conversation with Sejin (bless his heart), you decided to book an appointment and signed up for the relatively new soul-scraping therapy. It's still in its human trial stages and is slowly being recognized as a way of severing soul ties, albeit not approved and sanctioned by the government. Anything to give and honor their wishes. They're your soulmates, and it's innate in you to give people what they want.

(or was it really just that?)

All of that and everything else, you can take. You live and abide by your life motto to stay out of drama, so you take all of it in stride and with dignity because it's all you have left at this point when it comes to them.

This is where you got pissed off, though. This day takes the cake, this sodding party.

Attending the party was certainly not your idea. You're tired from the long-ass meetings you had today—JYP's team asked for a meeting for your agreement with Day6 since Sungjin got discharged a few months ago with Younghyun following suit in a few days. A party is definitely not on your to-do list. If it's up to you, you'll be going home to your phone and fics.

(and if they're bangtan fics, nobody has to know. this, you can let yourself have—you were advised against going cold turkey from them by the doctors handling the soul-scraping therapy, after all. if you can't have them, maybe you can at least indulge in fictional them.)

You have been minding your own business since you arrived at the bar. It's laughable how socially inept you are despite handling your business and meeting the entertainment industry's biggest names and leaders regularly. When being put in parties and other gigs that force you to socialize just for the sake of socializing, you're back to being the fat loser kid that avoided making new friends because the ones you previously had in childhood (if you can really call them that) can't understand how your brain and mouth work. Frankly, you don't, too, so you just preferred to stay in one corner until it's socially acceptable to go home.

"Hey." Jackson squeezes your hand in his and smiles worriedly at you. "You doing okay?"

Jackson had been a long-time friend and is someone you trust your whole life with. Jackson had seen you through your bests and worsts, but had never once turned his back on you or betrayed you as many people did.

Yeah, you would trust him with your whole life. Your panties too, but don't tell him that.

(there's no need to because he knows; he did lots of times before, with his face between your thighs and your undies in his pocket.)

"I'm good." You don't even bother smiling, knowing it won't convince him too much. He knows your stand on parties; you're his polar opposite, after all. "I just really wanna go home."

"Can I come with?" he asks with a salacious smile.

You roll your eyes.

"Stop being horny for five minutes, please."

"You shouldn't have worn that dress, then." He rakes you with an assessing look. "On second thought, that's the best decision you did tonight so far. If you're not going home with anyone tonight, my room's open."

"You up to be my wingman?" you ask.

"Sure. I'll sit with you all night so we can look like a swinger couple scouting for a third we can take home." He waggles his eyebrows.

You snort at that with an amused chuckle, oblivious to the glare(s) directed your way by—who else?—your soulmates.

They (Taehyung) heard from Manager Sejin and Noona Ae-cha that you're not sure if you can come. They didn't know why the two were talking about you, but Taehyung tried to act immersed in his phone while eavesdropping.

Apparently, you had been stuck in the boardroom almost all day with the back-to-back meetings, and you even had to cancel your doctor's appointment. For what the appointment is for, he didn't know. It explains your absence that day, and he files the information away at the back of his head. He can't for the life of him understand why he can't stop trying to spot crumbs about you.

(he does know, but he's in denial about why—and he'll deny both.)

He then told his hyungs and Jungkook, which they just nodded at, seemingly uninterested. But if Namjoon's faraway serious look at times is anything to go by or the way Jimin picks at the skin on his lips as he's lost in thought, he's pretty sure they are also subtly trying to figure out if you're coming.

(but they'll all deny that if asked.)

They haven't seen you that much since they started actively avoiding you months ago and shut down whatever soul link you have with them, and you are damn good at trying to stay out of their way.

It surprised them, they're not gonna lie. They expected you to put up a fight, but all Manager Sejin told them was that you agreed. You never interacted with them ever since unless it was really needed, and you were always wearing your rings and not making unnecessary eye contact even once.

(and that somehow pisses them off and itches under their skin because how dare you not be interested?)

And now you've been here for the past hour or so, Jackson Wang in tow. Or rather, Jackson has his arms alternately snaked around yours or slung around your shoulders. It makes Jackson look like a frat douchebag.

(and it makes taehyung look jealous and interested in you which he is so not, no.)

Hoseok was the first one to spot you arriving, Another One Bites The Dust thumping through the dancefloor that was bathed in red lights. He nudges Namjoon from his seat in their secluded and swanky VIP room that was separated one floor above the bar proper.

"There she is", he says then, gesturing towards you as all seven pairs of eyes land on you as you enter with Jackson. "She's with Wang."

With varying levels of internal turmoil, they all watch as Jackson led you through the throngs of people, presumably to another room like theirs. They see you shake your head and point to the bar, and Jackson's face light up with a wide smile before redirecting your steps.

Yoongi asks himself why you have to wear that dress or why Jackson has to clutch at your hands like a little kid, the others having a similar train of thought. Does Jackson think he's going to be lost in this bar? Is he that plain stupid to be lost in this bar, really?

And why are you letting him?

Jimin tries not to let his eyes wander on your legs, tries not to let his mind wander back to the thought of being choked by your thick supple legs and ripping that off-shoulder dress off you and—

Oh. Woah, there.

Stop it! he thinks to himself and shakes his head.

(this is not the first time he's thought of this, darling. when he first saw those smooth and lovely-looking plump thighs, he knows he was fucked.)

Jin is no better, but he hides it better than the others. After all, it was not his idea to shut you out like that. He was opposed to it and tried to talk some sense into the others, but they didn't listen. He thought back then that Namjoon would at least be reasonable and give you a shot but nooo, the kid was stupid enough to listen to others.

Let them have what they want, then.

(he can feel the pit and longing in his chest some nights and thinks that maybe he can let the others do what they want but still do what he wants too. but he takes a look at the six men who had been there for him through thick and thin, and he can't lose them. he sends you an apology mentally, hoping you can at least feel it through the bond.)

"Calm down," Jin tells them levelly, trying to pry the glass off Namjoon's hand, lest he crushes it and injures himself. "You're crushing the poor thing, Joonie. Don't wanna end up in the ER, do you?"

Jackson's the one to end up in the ER if he doesn't unwrap his arms from your shoulders, that's who, Namjoon thinks to himself bitterly before he can stop himself.

Jin leans back on his seat and watches as you laugh with Jackson, arms slung around your shoulders as the latter listens to you talk. They all wouldn't have to seethe in barely contained anger if they just listened to him though, so who's at fault here?

Aish, these brats.

"I'm going to get more drinks," Jungkook suddenly says, disentangling himself from Taehyung fluidly.

"You can just ask them," Namjoon says, pointing towards the glass doors where their security detail is posed out of the room. "There's no need to go out."

"I'm going to get more drinks," Jungkook repeats firmly, ignoring him. Namjoon's jaw clenches. "Come help me, Jin-hyung?"

Ah, this conniving brat. Jin wants to kiss his pouty lips for this.

"Sure," Jin says easily, much to Namjoon's annoyance. He pats Namjoon's cheeks gently. "No breaking the glass, Joon-ah. We have a photoshoot tomorrow."

He pulls Jungkook out of the room before any of them can disagree further. He loops his arm around Jungkook's petite waist, nodding once to the man stationed at the door.

"You're not just getting drinks at you, aren't you?" Jin asks as they descend the steps.

"I don't know what you're talking about, hyung." Jungkook's smile is sharp. "I just don't wanna get roofied and end up on the tabloids tomorrow, is all."

"You don't have to lie to me," Jin says, kissing his hair. "I wanna see her, too."

Jungkook's smile turns sad at that.

"I just don't understand. [Name]-noona seems like a nice person. They're all being stupid."

Jin has to agree. "But you know why we have to, right? I don't like it, too, but we have no choice."

"But we do!" Jungkook insists. "We can be friends, even."

"Friends don't fuck friends." Jungkook snorts at that. "There's nothing 'friends' about wanting her with us, Jungkook."

"Friends don't fuck friends, my ass," Jungkook mumble mockingly. "That didn't stop Jackson-hyung at all."

Jin stops momentarily, pulling Jungkook to a stop. "Excuse me?"

"They were having sex last week, hyung. When Jackson-hyung came over last Wednesday."

"Was that why...?"

"Yeah." Jungkook takes his hand as they walk again. "I felt it through the strings, too."

Jungkook is suspiciously not meeting his eyes.

"Jungkook-ah."

"What?" he asks innocently. Jin's lips pull into a smirk.

"You naughty cat!"

"I—what? No!" but Jungkook is still not meeting his eyes. "I didn't watch them."

Jin gasps delightedly.

"This is so much better. I didn't even say anything yet!"

Ah, fuck.

In Jungkook's defense, he hadn't meant to listen in. But he had been on his way back to the practice room from relieving his screaming bladder when he heard it. The warmth and arousal that was definitely not his he had been ignoring since that lunchtime was not helping his curiosity.

"Ah!" And oh shit, it's someone moaning and it's you.

That explains the arousal he's been feeling. Oh, and the jealousy now (his), too.

"Yeah?" A deeper voice asked breathlessly. Another punched-out moan from you, and the arousal flares in his chest.

Yup. It's definitely his this time.

"Jackson, please," your equally breathless voice pleaded, and the sound shot to his cock. Jungkook had to stop his hand from going south inside his pants and boxers.

A delighted shriek and breathless laugh, followed by a staccato of 'ah ah ah's and hips slapping against each other punctuated the otherwise silent afternoon he was having.

And what would a self-respecting man do?

Stay and listen to you get railed six ways to Sunday, was what he did.

(jungkook didn't say he's a self-respecting man.)

Jungkook slipped his hand inside his pants and boxers and wrapped his hand around his aching cock. He almost moaned at how your moans quickly reached a whole other level of desperation. He wondered and tried to imagine how you would feel around him if he fucked you harder and deeper than Jackson possibly can.

He knows he can.

"Hands, Jackson." There was a chuckle, then your whine was heard. "Baobei, please."

Jungkook heard Jackson's sharp intake of breath, and he had to internally agree. Even speaking Mandarin, you sound so hot.

He heard you mewl with a choked giggle as the sounds of hips to hips got faster.

"You really like my hands, huh?" Jackson asked.

"Mhm. Want them wrapped around my—ah!—neck all the time."

Fuck.

Jungkook had to bite onto his hands as he came, so as not to give his position away, cock spurting on his hands,. Seconds later and he heard you cry out and Jackson grunt to completion.

So, no. He definitely didn't watch.

"You nasty, nasty boy!" Jin cackles at him and he wants to pout. "You listened in to them having sex?!"

"Hyung!" Jungkook hisses. "Not too loud."

Jin snickers at him, mouth pulled in a tempting smirk he wants to kiss. "Was it good?"

"Hyung," he whines. At Jin's unfaltering smirk, he sighs. "It was. She sounds so good, hyung. I can't take it off my mind."

"Maybe later, we can do something about that." Jin says with a low hum.

He peers at Jin's eyes and almost shudders at the dark and hungry look in them. Jin squeezes his waist, and it takes Jungkook's breath away.

In his silence, Jin nods with a hum.

"Hm, definitely later."

He won't say no to that. If they can't have you, Jungkook's gonna take what he can get, even if it means settling on replaying your moans in his head.

When they reach the bar, you are still sitting at the other end with Jackson. They are careful not to be seen by you or you'll probably leave like you always do when they get within your 10-foot vicinity.

Then Jackson puts his hand on your slightly exposed leg. He feels the others' jealousy through the bond first before he feels his own, and he sees you stiffen in your seat.

Hyungs!

Jungkook quickly looks away, but not before Jackson catches his gaze. He completely misses the way Jackson's mouth pulls into a quick smirk as their drinks are thankfully served at that exact moment.

"Wanna head back to your place?"

You're unexpectedly suddenly close, and it's like Jackson wants him and Jin to hear to rile them up. It works, and he can barely tamp down the urge to pour the drinks over Jackson's big head, being older be damned.

"Sure. I'll just swing by the restroom." You say as you walk away. Jin and Jungkook take that as their cue to go back to their ritzy room.

"That was short," Jin says tightly as they go back. "Was it you?"

Jungkook shakes his head.

Jin's lips quirk into an amused smile.

"Ah, jealous bastards."

"Weren't you too, though?" Jungkook asks with a slightly amused smile of his own. "That was... that was intense."

"That serves them," Jin says as they near the room. "If they weren't just pigheaded, it's my shoulders her legs are gonna be hanging from later."

"Jin-hyung!" Jungkoo huffs, but then deflates. "Yeah."

"Don't worry, we still have later," Jin says with a lascivious smirk.

And he can't complain about that, can he?

"Where's Tae-hyung?" he asks when they enter the room, Taehyung nowhere in sight.

"Went out. Didn't say where." Hoseok says as he accepts their drinks and puts the tray on the table. It takes a few seconds for him to piece it all together, and he mentally facepalms.

"Whatever happened to 'not giving a fuck' about [Name]?" he mumbles.

"Jungkook," Namjoon warns.

It sets him off.

"What? Are you all really going to keep on pretending? You do realize I felt that back there too, right?" he shoots back.

"So the drinks were just a ruse?" Namjoon's face is stormy.

Jungkook holds his gaze steady. "And what if it was? You all know what I felt about this since day one."

"Kook-ah." It's Jimin this time. "Not now, please."

"And when, hyung? When we go back to just pretending an eighth of our soul doesn't exist out there?"

"Jungkook."

He glares at Yoongi. "No, hyung. If you all want to be stupid, I don't! [Name]-noona is going through therapy because of this, don't you know?"

Yoongi scoffs. "She's a big girl, she can handle herself."

"Not soul-scraping therapy, she won't."

They all stop at that. Even Jungkook stops and internally curses.

Fuck, he wasn't supposed to say that.

"What did you say?" Namjoon's voice takes on a dangerous tone.

He huffs but stays silent, not really wanting to dig a deeper hole for himself.

"Jungkook."

"I talked to Jiho-hyung, okay? I bumped into him five months ago when he visited her."

Silence.

"Im Jiho?" At Jungkook's nod, Namjoon's frown deepened. "I didn't know he practices soul-scraping."

"He's co-authoring the soul-scraping study with Doctor Seong."

At the mention of one of their previous soul health doctors, Yoongi raises his eyebrows.

"Our Doctor Seong?"

Jungkook nods with a sigh, plopping down beside Hoseok. "Apparently, it's why he stopped private practice—to focus on the studies. They're also lobbying for fully legalizing soul-scraping in the Assembly. I ran into him, and he mentioned that he was there for noona's side effects from the therapy."

Side effects?

Shit.

"W-wait. Five months, you said?" Jin says with a tremble in his voice. "Is that why I can barely feel her anymore?"

Jungkook's sigh is pained, forlorn. "Apparently, yeah."

They all lapse in complete silence after that, the thumping of the beat on the dancefloor faint through the walls.

"Fuck."

Indeed.

It is then that Taehyung comes back. He takes one look at their varying degrees of solemn and stunned expressions and tilts his head.

"What? What happened?" he asks.

"[Name]..."

Taehyung's eyes widen before his expression smooths into indifference.

"I told you, I'm no—"

"That's not it," Jimin says softly. "She's in soul-scraping therapy, Taehyung-ah."

...

"What?"

(oh, lord. you don't know the turmoil you caused all these pining idiots, darling.)

---

And what about you?

As we said in the beginning, god must be testing your patience.

"Hey," Jackson says softly. He lifts your chin with a gentle smile long after Taehyung fucked off to god knows where. "You good, baobei?"

You didn't even know they were here. You were vaguely aware that yeah, they might be, but it totally slipped your mind. Meetings really did drain your brain.

When you stood up and went to the restroom while Jackson called for the driver, you didn't know that Taehyung was watching you from their room and completely high-tailed it from there just to intercept you when he saw you stand up from the corner of the bar. You didn't know why, but his stupid drunken ass just decided it wanted and it was a good idea to rile you up.

To piss you off is why, you think.

When you exited the ladies' room, Taehyung was standing there by the wall looking lethal. The ache in your chest flared up for two different reasons, but you ignored it. You ignored him and started walking away, pretending you didn't see him.

"So you're really here."

Seriously?

You continued ignoring him and walked on, but he didn't let you get far.

He grabs your wrist. "I said, you're really here."

The spot where he held you burned and you hissed, cursing the therapy's side effects. You were warned that coming in contact skin-to-skin with your soulmates while undergoing the therapy would feel painful (literally), but you didn't heed it then. You had no reason to touch them after all when they didn't even want to see you.

But it is painful, and it burns.

You yanked your wrist away, hiding your wrist behind your back. There's no need for that, though. Taehyung was looking at your face intently.

"Yes, and I was just leaving. See you around, T—"

"With Jackson?"

What's it with this guy?

You looked back at him and squared your shoulders up. "That's really none of your business, Taehyung."

He laughed with a sneer, shaking his head.

"What would people say if they knew you're off gallivanting with men who aren't your soulmate?"

Wow.

The nerve of this asshole.

You can't let him see it affect you though, so you tilt your head with an innocent smile.

"I'm just a nobody. Why would they talk about me? " You smirked in amusement. "I don't think it'll be me they will talk about since I wasn't the one who rejected my soulmate, was I?"

And oh, shit. Where did that come from, [Name]? Feisty.

"And I'm not doing anything illegal. Why should I be scared?" You slightly lean back and tilt your chin up. "I'm not the one between us with a reputation to uphold, a name I should protect."

You paused, a serene smile on your face.

"I'm not a coward. I'm not you, Taehyung"

The smirk on his lips was replaced with a sharp look of disdain, almost like he wants to slap the smile off your face.

(he wants to, darling. trust me. just not in the way you think.)

You knew you hit a nerve and it feels petty and mean, but it's nothing compared to the loneliness and pain they gave you these past few months. It felt satisfying, even if for just a bit.

"You really think you're all that, don't you?" He smiled almost mockingly. "Tell me, how does it feel to be rejected?"

That really stung and angered you, but you've spent all your life hiding your emotions when needed to. Your expression didn't falter.

"It feels good—"

"—because she dodged a bullet."

You internally sighed in relief as Jackson's voice float behind you. You'll forever be thankful for this man's existence, gods or not.

You melt in his arms when he wrapped them around your waist. You chanced a look at Jackson, not seeing the twitch on Taehyung's brows at your body language.

"You really think you're all that, don't you?" Jackson mocked back at him. "Imagine thinking it's the end of the world for your soulmate just because you shut down their bond." Jackson chuckled ruthlessly.

"You're pathetic, Taehyung-ssi."

The two were locked in a glowering match before Taehyung straightened up and spun on his heel without a word.

Jackson let you get your bearings by the wall of the hallway to the ladies' room in silence. But he didn't let you stew in your thoughts for long.

So now here you are, looking at his gentle eyes.

"You good, baobei?"

You don't know how to answer that really, so you pull him by the collar into a searing kiss.

He puts his hand on your waist, the other on the wall by your face, and you tighten your hold on his collar.

You pull away to gasp for air.

"Take me home," you exhale heavily as you lean your head on his shoulder. "Take me home and fuck me 'til I forget, or I might do something stupid."

Jackson's sharp intake of air is your answer before he pulls you away to your awaiting car outside the club.

---

feedback (constructive, please don't be too rude bc i'll cry) and kudos very much appreciated!

#bts soulmate au #polyamorous bts #soul bonds #kim taehyung u lil shit #soulmate rejection #idek what i'm doing okay i'm so sorry #they're idiots your honor #bts x reader #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

[neon-lights-and-glitter]

Fight The Feeling Prologue- Part 10 Mistakes.

Summary- After your over one year relationship, Jack ends up cheating on you with his co-star.

A/N- Alexa Demie plays Tatiana in this series. No, I do not think anything like this happened in real life, everything is fictional.

Jack sighed, him and Urban were sitting in his dressing room, it had been about a month since you and Jack had been staying in California while he was filming White Men Can’t Jump. Jack still hadn’t proposed to you, though he thought about it almost every day. 

“I don’t know, nothing feels right. We’re both super busy the next couple months, so it’s not like I can take her on a trip or anything. I think proposing in the Bahamas would be special since that’s where we went for our first date, our anniversary, I feel like it would make sense. We just don’t have time, I don’t want it to be a quick weekend trip if I’m proposing.” Jack told Urban. 

“After tour?” Urban suggested.

“I don’t want to wait that long, but I might have to unless I can figure something out.” Jack sighed again. “I just hate waiting, you know, like we’ve talked about our futures before, but I won’t be one hundred precent certain she’s going to say yes until I ask. It’s fucking stressful.” Jack said, laughing softly. 

“It sounds stressful.” Urban said, laughing as he stood up. “I’ll be right back.” Urban told Jack. 

Urban walked out of Jack’s trailer, seeing Alexa Demie, who was playing Jack’s love interest, standing by the door, clearly listening in on their conversation. Urban didn’t say anything to her as he walked out. 

Alexa waited a moment before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” Jack called out, looking over to the door, seeing Alexa walking in.  “Oh hey.” Jack smiled at her.

“Hi.” Alexa smiled, sitting down in a free chair. “What were you guys talking about?” She asked.

 “Oh, nothing, it’s not a big deal.” Jack said.

“I thought I heard something about proposing when I walked by, maybe I could help?” She suggested. “I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend.”

Ever since they started filming together, Alexa thought Jack was flirting with her. Overtime this led to her developing a crush on him so finding out that he not only had a girlfriend, he had a girlfriend that he was considering proposing to, hurt her. All this time she thought she had a chance to be with Jack, and she was determined to still make it happen, even if it wasn’t an ideal situation.

“It’s something not many people do know.” Jack laughed softly. 

“Who is it? Tell me everything.” Alexa smiled at him.

“Oh, we’re not really telling people.” Jack told her.

“C’mon, I won’t tell anyone. I promise.” Alexa told Jack, leaning towards him a little bit.

“Fine, only because I trust you.” Jack said. “I’m dating Y/N.” 

“Wait. You’re dating Y/N? You know that everyone thinks she’s dating that male model she did that photoshoot with right?” Alexa asked. You had recently done a photoshoot with a male model that was a little more scandalous than anything you had done before. Since you have previously hinted that you had a boyfriend on social media, everyone assumed it was him.

“Yeah, I know. Why does it matter?” Jack asked and Alexa shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just couldn’t deal with people thinking that my partner is dating someone else.”

“I mean, she told me she was doing the photoshoot, she told me who it was with, she even showed me the photos before they got released. It’s not really something I’ve worried about.” Jack told Alexa.

“You must really trust her. I can’t imagine keeping my relationship so secret. There’s really only one reason I’ve heard of people keeping their partner such a secret.”

“We both trust each other. We just both enjoy the privacy.” Jack said.

“I guess that’s also a reason.” Alexa had a plan, she just had to hope it worked.

“What’s the other reason?” Jack asked.

“You don’t know? People keep their relationship a secret so they can cheat. Either of you could do it so easily. Keeping your relationship so private, always being away from each other. You don’t think it’s ever crossed her mind to cheat on you when she’s away? Or even that you’re cheating on her? Think about it, for all she knows you’re not even on set, you could be out fucking another girl behind her back.” Alexa said.

“I mean, I’ve never thought about it. I don’t think she’s out there cheating on me. I’ve also never thought about cheating on her.” Jack told Alexa.

“Not even once?” She asked. “When you’re on different sides of the country, you could have sex with whoever you wanted, and she’d never find out. Fuck, you could have multiple girlfriends and she’d never know because no one knows about you two.” 

“I’ve just never had a reason. I mean, why would I cheat on the girl I love?” Jack asked and Alexa shrugged.

“People do it all the time. Especially celebrities. I could name five rappers right now who’ve cheated on their partners without a second thought.”

“I’ll admit it gets hard sometimes being apart and so private, but it’s not like I’d change anything. I’d take the challenges we have now over the public interfering with our relationship.” Jack told her.

“What are the challenges that you have with your relationship?” Alexa asked Jack.

“I guess it’s just tough not being able to go everywhere she goes or bring her everywhere with me. I would love to walk a red carpet with her or attend an event together. Or even have her here with me instead of doing her own thing because there’s people here who don’t know we are together.” Jack said and Alexa nodded.

“Do you want to propose to her before your relationship is public?”

“Why not? We’ve managed to keep everything private; I don’t see what the big deal is with keeping the engagement private too.”

“If you really love each other, why do you feel the need to keep things private? If you love each other why does it matter what other people think?” Alexa asked Jack.

“It’s complicated. It’s not a normal situation and I know that, but it’s what works for us.”

“How were you planning on proposing to Y/N?” 

Jack and Alexa talked about Jack’s plans to propose to you for about twenty minutes before she had to leave to go film a scene. Alexa’s plan didn’t work out exactly the way she would have liked it to. Her goal was to get Jack to admit he had thought about cheating on you, or even admit that he’s thought you’ve cheated on him. But he didn’t. She at least got the idea into his head, while also looking like that wasn’t her goal by ending the conversation talking about your engagement.

A few days later, Jack was in his trailer alone again when Alexa knocked on the door, Jack telling her to come in. 

“Hey, do you have a few minutes?” Alexa asked Jack. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“I was just wondering if we could go over some scenes.” Alexa suggested and Jack nodded.

“Sure, which ones?” Jack asked, and Alexa sat down next to Jack, Alexa suggested a scene that they would be filming later that day. They ran their lines a couple times before Alexa ended up moving closer to Jack. Letting her fingers trace shapes on his arm, Jack looked at her hand but didn’t stop her.

“Did you see the rumors about Y/N?” Alexa asked Jack, and Jack looked at her confused.

“No? What are they?” Jack asked her.

“Apparently she was seen having lunch with some guy the other day.” Alexa said.

“Really? With who?” Jack asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t look at the pictures and it didn’t say who it was.” Alexa lied. She did look at the pictures, and she knew very well that the guy in the pictures was Urban. You and Urban had went to lunch one day while Jack was busy on set and Urban got bored of waiting around. Sure, it sparked a couple of rumors that you and Urban were dating, but Jack knew you two went to lunch together, hell, he’s even the one who suggested it since he was tired of Urban complaining that he was bored and he knew you had no plans for lunch, but in the moment, he forgot about it.

Due to the conversation he and Alexa had previously, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts linger on the rumors. Alexa couldn’t help but notice that Jack was deep in thought, so she sighed softly.

“Hey.” She said as she moved to straddle Jack’s waist. “That just means what we did the other day isn’t so bad after all.” Alexa told Jack as his hands rested on her hips.

“I just feel bad, you know? Cheating on the girl that I’ve loved for the past year. I still love her, I feel like that makes it worse.” Jack admitted.

“Yes, but if she’s cheating on you, then there isn’t a reason to feel bad. It’s better to cheat then be cheated on.”

“Is it really though, because cheating certainly feels worse than being cheated on.”

“At least if you find out she is cheating on you, it’s not like you are fully committed to her anymore.” Alexa said.

“But I should be. I was. I never thought about cheating until it happened.” Jack admitted. The first time Jack and Alexa had sex, Jack wasn’t thinking, it was an in the moment thing where one thing led to another, and it happened. You and Jack had gotten into a fight the night before, essentially your first serious fight, and Alexa said just the right thing the next day.

“Right now, let’s just forget about her.” Alexa said, reaching down into his pocket, pulling out the engagement ring box Jack had been bringing with him to set so you didn’t find the ring when he wasn’t home, and placed it on a nearby table. Alexa leaned forward slightly, resting her hands on his chest as she pressed her lips to his. “We got 45 minutes until we need to be on set, and I can think of a lot better ways to spend that time then talking about Y/N.” 

Alexa attached her lips to Jack’s jaw, slowly pressing kisses down his neck, finding his sensitive spot before pulling away.

“But, if you want to stop, all you have to do is tell me to and I will.” Alexa said, looking into Jack’s eyes. Jack hesitated for just a second before he shook his head. “Want me to keep going?” She asked and Jack nodded.

“Yes.” Jack said before sliding his hands from her waist to her back so he could pull her forward to kiss her again.

Both you and Urban could tell something was off about the way Jack had been acting the past couple days, but you both just assumed he was tired from spending long days on set and preparing for his tour at the same time.

Jack and Urban were sitting in his trailer in silence which was unusual for the two.

“Everything good?” Urban asked Jack, and he didn’t respond for a moment.

“I fucked up.” Jack told Urban. “Like, I fucked up bad.”

“What? How?” Urban asked.

“I cheated on Y/N with Alexa.” Jack admitted, leaning back on the couch, his hands covering his face as he sighed.

“What the fuck, when?” 

“Uh, like 3 days ago, and again today.”

“I have to be honest with you, that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” Urban told him.

“You don’t think I fucking know that?” Jack said.

“Are you going to tell Y/N?” Urban asked.

“I don’t know. I should but if I tell her she’s going to leave me.”

“You should have thought about that before you stuck your dick in another girl.” Urban muttered underneath his breath, Jack glared at him. 

“If you’re just going to make stupid snarky comments, you can get out.” Jack told Urban.

“I’m just telling you the truth.” Urban told him.

“Do you think Y/N’s cheating on me?” Jack asked Urban.

“Why do you think she’s cheating when you’re the one who’s cheating?”

“Alexa told me that she is. Or I guess she didn’t really tell me, but we talked, and I guess it just made me question everything.” Jack admitted. 

“We both know Y/N would never cheat on you.”

“She just knew exactly what, how, and when to say everything. Then Y/N and I got in that big stupid fight, and I don’t want to say Alexa was there when Y/N wasn’t, because Y/N has always been there for me. I don’t know how to explain why I did it and I don’t think I ever will.” 

“Are you going to continue having sex with Alexa behind Y/N’s back?” Urban asked and Jack’s hesitation was the only answer Urban needed.

Jack felt horrible about what he had done, and as much as he regretted it, he didn’t think you would forgive him for what he had done. He was afraid that if he cut Alexa off, she would retaliate and tell you what he had done, so ironically, he thought his best option to keep you from finding out, was to continue to cheat on you. So, he did. 

Jack continued to cheat on you for almost a month before you found out. 

You were laying on the bed, Jack just got out of the shower, still wrapped in a towel. You had both just picked a restaurant to order dinner from.

“Here.” Jack said, handing you, his phone. “You can put in whatever you want, I’m going to go get dressed.” He leaned down to kiss the top of your head before walking to grab his clothes. 

“Okay.” You said as he walked away. You scrolled on his phone for a few minutes, trying to decide what you wanted before you saw a text pop up.

“Meet me in my trailer during your break tomorrow.” Alexa had texted Jack. You looked at the text, confused for a moment. You didn’t think anything of it at first, the text wasn’t suspicious, but something told you to pull up the text thread, so you did. You saw several different texts that made it obvious Jack was cheating on you, more from Alexa’s side then Jack’s, but some of Jack’s responses made it obvious as well.

You were shocked to say the least. The guy you loved, and thought would never hurt you, was cheating on you. You had no idea how to react. So, you didn’t. You wanted to confront Jack, but you had no idea what to say or how to do it. 

“Are you okay?” Jack asked, walking back into the bedroom. Jack was able to tell you were distracted by something, but he didn’t know what. You quickly closed the texts and opened where you were ordering food from. As Jack laid down next to you.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” You lied and Jack nodded softly, pulling you into his side.

Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader

[darklight572]

"Catradora is Toxic"

Is a claim i've seen spread...heavily here, now, obviously this is disproportionate compared to the actual number of SPoP fans. This is, even if its Tumblr, social media.

Despite that, I think even folks who don't buy this interesting take could use a reminder- why exactly is Catradora not toxic?

Before we do that, we should look into: what makes a relationship toxic, how that can change, and how exactly abuse factors into all of this. Let's be clear, toxic and abusive aren't the same thing, they mean different things.

Usually "toxic" in regards to a relationships is talking about unhealthy and, sometimes, dangerous actions between folks in an relationship. For example, repeated mischaracterization. [1]

"Abuse" then speaks about when unhealthy behaviors occurs repeatedly, usually with an intent to harm the other person, and is much more actively dangerous. [1]

TOXICITY (EARLY) So then, do Catra and Adora have a toxic, or even abusive, relationship in She-Ra Princess of Power? Yes! Just not in all the instances people like to claim they do. They begin with a toxic relationship, and would delve into an abusive one toward the end of season 1 (Promise imo), then their relationship dissolves from Adora's perspective.

It starts as toxic for a number of reasons, but being brief, Adora does not fully see Catra as a person with her own autunomy but as something to protect and derive her value from. This is very much not intentional on Adora's end, but imo, Adora starts the series with a mindset with the belief that she must do acts of service to derive any value. A lot of this is expressed in her actions in the first couple of interactions she has with Catra and Shadow Weaver.

For example, choosing to leave Catra behind to find the sword even as Catra asks her to bring her. She is either: not taking Catra's abuse seriously enough, or being naive in regards to the chance of Shadow Weaver harming her for something not her fault.

Catra shows fewer troubling behaviors at this early in the case, but there are a couple- for example- when Adora asks her to come back Catra seems to disproportionately blame Adora for the violence inflicted on her. Adora is responsible for her own actions, not for Shadow Weaver's she is still a child. I want to be clear, Catra is not inherently in the wrong for being mad at Adora for not realizing Shadow Weaver was a piece of abusive shit, but shifting the blame of the abuse itself is.

If you wanna learn more about that early dynamic, I recomend Five by Five's [2] "Trilogy", "Why Adora Matters", and "Why Catra Matters". Some of my points and ideas are informed by those videos.

ABUSE (STILL EARLY) So, when and how does this become abusive? A lot of people might point out that Catra harms Adora physically pretty early in the series- I would like to point some mitigating factors in this. Catra is a CHILD, 18 at oldest, who is being repeatedly physically and mentally abused and probably violated (See: Shadow Weaver's ability to mind wipe people). It is impossible to say that Catra's seeming agreement in bringing Adora back is uncoerced.

Especially since she showed signs of leaving the Horde until she recieved seemingly safety from Shadow Weaver in some small part by becoming a Force Captain. So, in my mind, a lot of Early Catra is easily explained. We see this most clearly, imo, in No Princess Left Behind. Not only does Catra give Adora her sword back when she could: have attacked the weakened princess, pulled more alarms, etc- and it would have- at least in her mind- given her validation from Shadow Weaver.

Yet she doesn't, because while their relationship is toxic, it is not abusive at this point in time.

I think the tipping point of abuse (as mentioned previously) is Promise. This is where we see, again imo, undisputable evidence of Catra intentionally harming Adora with no seeming coercion. Letting go of her at the crevisse. Maybe she thought Adora would be fine with She-Ra, but that absolutely doesn't excuse her here. Then, the physical harm she continually perpetuates against Adora is at least- in part- uncoerced, as we see here.

MIDPOINT (ALL THE OTHER SHIT) We have to look further into Catra's abuse against Adora- and to what extent it is Catra. I think a point that too many people miss is that throughout the majority of the series Catra is in a system which repeatedly abuses her specifically, she is not just a child soldier who grew into a commander, she is one targeted uniquely by multiple of the higher ups. This does not excuse Catra's behavior, but it makes it A) more understandable, and B) less reprehensible.

So, what does she do? Mostly attacking Catra and mentally manipulating her while in battle- some of this is her trying to survive against She-Ra's enormous physical stature- but she seems to gain some amount of satisfaction from it all. Despite this, even though she has multiple opportunities to have killed Adora, she never does. This is, to be clear, a very low bar- but it does demonstrate that some claims of Catra "leaving Adora to die" are extremely overexaggerated. Adora doesn't fight particularly well in a lot of scenes, and Catra could have very easily chosen to slash her throat instead of kicking her. Catra does not want Adora to die.

One of her greatest harms is when she pulled the lever for the portal. Although, there are several mitigating factors which makes it not quite comparable to Glimmer's actions a season later. First of all, after Shadow Weaver's escape, Catra assumes Shadow Weaver's place- and Shadow Weaver is replaced by Hordak as an abuser. Second, Catra is not working on perfect knowledge, she is told it could destroy everything- by who exactly? Adora. Who she has seen consistently not recognize threats properly in the past, and has been able to outwit consistently. What she actually knows is that pulling this will hurt Adora because she didn't listen to her, to me, its unclear how much of the situation actually dawned on her.

This, again, does not excuse the situation- but it explains it. While Catra shows self-harming behavior, I don't think its at all consistent with her character to want to destroy everything- we see her contradict that with her literal every action. No, this action is much better explained as a judgement call of Adora. One of the worst actions she actually does is send Entrapta to Beast Island. While Entrapta percieves this as a "positive" later on, to Catra, Beast island is a death trap and that is her intent when she does this. This action is mitigated at least slightly by the fact that Entrapta was directly standing in her way of doing what Hordak wants. Catra knows how that ends, pain or death (through suffocation or beast island itself).

While its more than possible Entrapta could have convinced Hordak not to pull the lever (this is contentious), Catra is very clearly not thinking here. Some like to use Catra's manipulation of Hordak later on as proof she has some massive plan but uh- her plan was to nearly destroy the world then lose to Adora, and then manipulate Hordak? No- clearly she wasn't thinking, and was trying to justify herself to someone that could harm her, keeping her security. Does that make any of this right? No. But again, it provides context.

ANALYSIS (WHEN IS IT OKAY TO FORGIVE?) So, looking at ALL of this, how could there be any doubt? Catradora is toxic and abusive, the claim is correct, no? No.

Because while toxic, and further abusive, describes Catra throughout most of the series, it does not describe her throughout the ENTIRE series. And, her acts of abuse have consistently been muddled with manipulation. Earlier, I left out a small detail, even during Promise- Catra was being actively manipulated by Light Hope. Her memories were being changed, Catra is being violated. That changes a lot doesn't it? Throughout the series Catra's safety is conflated with an end-goal. Taking over the Horde with Adora, retrieving Adora for Shadow Weaver, being a Commander for Hordak.

This does not change the fact that she was abusive, but it puts Catra into a context as someone who is not necessarily doing so of her own will. Of course she grows more and more angry at Adora, in her mind, Adora is actively refusing Catra's safety. This is still a very toxic mindset, but it is a deeply understandable one considering Catra's childhood. This changes the entire dynamic Adora and Catra have. We see everything from Adora's perspective, we understand thats not her intent, and not even what she's doing. But Catra doesn't. The abuse, fundamentally, comes from a lack of perspective. [2]

So, Season 5, the biggie in the room. This is what most critics of Catradora seem to either ignore entirely or dismiss without thorough examination. Well, they also ignore all of the context of seasons 1 through 4 but i've already discussed that. Its notable that here, for the first time in a long time, Catra's power is something she knows not does not protect her. It allows her to consider her own perspective as unbiased as she has ever been able to. She is isolated from most anyone she could abuse, and the one chance she does have she chooses not to.

Here, she finally recognizes that her own perspective is rooted in a flawed understanding of their childhood. Not just from Shadow Weaver, or even from Light Hope- but from herself. This is extremely important, Catra- in realizing this- is not just taking accountability for her actions but the mindset that lead to it- and immediately takes action to correct herself. She rescues Glimmer, and in the process is violated again, this time even more severely- and is mind controlled by Prime. Adora saves her anyway. Because even abusive as Catra was, Adora understands the context that Catra was abusive in, and through her action to save Glimmer, see's the goodness in her return. As Catra couldn't kill Adora, Adora can't let Catra die.

So, Adora rescues her, Catra reacts negatively at first- but of course she does- her mind was just taken from her without her consent. But even then, Catra wants distance, asks Adora to drop her off- to isolate her. Adora refuses. This is important, too often people outside of a situation or even the perpetuator try to claim ownership of how to help the people they harmed- thats not up to them- its up to the person harmed. Adora doesn't want Catra gone, because she see's the context which shackled Catra has been- literally- eradicated. Catra proves to us that Adora isn't just being optimistic here.

As they move around, Catra ceases her violent actions against her, she barely even bickers- when she raises her voice she immediately apologizes and displays accountability for her anger. She helps save the world from Horde Prime. I think looking at Shadow Weaver's behavior creates a nice dichotomy between what someone actually changing looks like versus someone who wants to appear as changed. Shadow Weaver is still manipulative, still actively trying to get Adora to do everything she wants- and Catra- doesn't take her shit. She calls Shadow Weaver out, repeatedly sticks her own neck out against her former abuser in order to save Adora.

Catra does eventually get emotional with Adora, but there is not manipulation happening in "Heart Part 1", Catra is correct- Adora will die if she does this herself- Catra doesn't want Adora to die. Is this the most healthy way of doing this? Absolutely not, but again, they are fighting an evil space empreror. When she realizes Adora is going to die, she immediately course corrects and goes to find her, attempting to and successfully rescuing Adora from herself and Prime.

Does this make what happened before, okay? No. It doesn't. None of what I've explained here should make you dismiss what Catra did, Catra certainly doesn't, but I want you all to think about what creates the abuse and toxicity in the first place. Is Catra actually the origin? Or is she a tool for a system of perpetual power to inflict violence through. She isn't completely cleared of her part in her actions, she has choices, but in such a system your choices are limited and often coerced. Catra was actively coerced at literally every step, and had her options limited from day one. She was different, and Shadow Weaver didn't like the, even toxic, relationship she had with Adora.

Highlighting that a lot of the initial toxcitiy is from Adora helps illustrate my point more clearly, it is not Adora being a "bad person" it is the oppression of the Horde using Adora as a tool. Adora has the privilege (through the Sword and her lack of physical danger) to escape it, Catra- at least, in a safe way, didn't. Catra didn't have the power to fight off the Horde when they came looking for her, at least, she didn't think she did. What we see throughout the series is Catra trying in vein to reclaim some small amount of safety she had when she was with Adora and failing because she was playing the system's game.

Adora knows this, of course she does, thats why she's so quick to go back after Catra once she see's the glimmer of goodness in her (heh). What makes Catradora so good in my opinion, is that it doesn't just show how people who were abused can move on, but it shows how systemic oppression differs from individual abuse. Is their relationship going to be perfect at the end of the series? Absolutely not. Will it abusive? No. Not from the context we see in Season 5. Is it okay for Adora to forgive Catra? That depends on the person. Fundamentally, Catra's situation is extremely complicated, with no real analog to our real world in its entirity. We have to understand that metaphors can only go so far, I've tried to explain as much as I can, but there's absolutely nuance missing here because Etheria isn't Earth, and the Horde isn't like any massive corporation or even military on Earth.

I think, given all the context, and Catra's later repeated displays of growth and goodness- that Adora can forgive Catra. I feel, for a lot of reasons, a lot of relation to Adora. I can say, at least from my current understanding, that I would forgive Catra.

That doesnt mean my take is automatically correct, but, the continued insistence that Catradora is toxic has largely ignored a massive portion of context and development on Catra's side and seemingly completely missed the fact that some of the toxicity came from Adora before it came from Catra, and therefore missed the system ultimately responsible.

[1] "What is a Toxic Relationship." Elizabeth Scott, 2023 https://www.verywellmind.com/toxic-relationships-4174665

[2] "Five by Five Takes" Youtube Channel, Sar (Specifically Trilogy, Why Catra Mattesrs, and Why Adora Matters)

One Little last note: I have absolutely missed a LOT of things, Glimmer's actions in comparisons, some of the specifics, Catra's toxic (platonic) relationship with Scorpia- but - most of that isn't necessarily relevant to this anaylsis. What happens with Scorpia is much more complicated than Catra just abusing Scorpia, but I think the situation with Entrapta is much more poignant and relevant for what we're discussing here.

#catradora #spop catra #she ra spop #toxic catradora?