#if this is your way of saying j2 isn’t real you can fuck right off

[walkingtalkinggone]

Jared once was even spotted in Colorado approximately 600miles from Jensen and not brother to see him or even be at same ski place they did not even brother to see each other in Austin and they need to show it because of PR so they will meet each other in New Mexico and even used this for PR? they not even went together to Dallas con while being both in Austin so they will flight together New Mexico ?

… what?

#what does this even mean #if this is your way of saying j2 isn’t real you can fuck right off #j2 are soulmates cry about it #ask

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

#ficforthought speaks #sorry not sorry #i spent way too long on this #purging the poison

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD 

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling. 

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really). 

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old. 

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest.  the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too. 

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far 

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

#liz answers #cockles ask #mini analysis #spec #mine

[thewincestgospel]

Do you have any gender-bent fics, either wincest, J2, or gen??? Thanks!! (This blog is awesome, it's super helpful, so thank you so much for it!)

But of course! There are so many though that I might have to do a part 2

Female Dean    

Another Way to Get to Know You  by IndridGrey   New city, new apartment, new job, new gender presentation.Dee Smith leaves the menswear at home, starts her new job at Sandover Iron & Bridge in a skirt and kitten heels, and finally, fucking finally gets called the right things.  Things are going great for a few weeks and even with the fear of being outed she's the happiest she's ever been.And then someone decides to pop their own kernel in an office microwave.(This covers the three weeks that the Winchesters are brainwashed into Smith and Wesson up to the end of It's a Terrible Life)             

 Dress to Impress  by  KillerOfHope Deanna and Sam are undercover as a married couple in a gated community where several strange murders have taken place while undercover, the two have a little roleplay in the bedroom as 'husband and wife' with Sam as the dom Hubby and Deanna being the ever submissive wife, taking every order he gives, referring to Sam at some point as 'sir'.                

Judgment That Will Never Come  by  xHelenxOfxSlash   “Yeah, I mind. Dee, you want me. We need to-” Sam started in his “caring and sharing voice.”

“We don’t need to do anything. Besides, who says I want you, huh?” Before She knew what was happening Deanna was flipped over onto her back again, Sam’s hands slipping under the waistband of her shorts and cupping the wetness there. She let out an embarrassing mewl, face coloring with shame and arousal     

Let's Get this Party Started  by   firesign10   16-year-old Sam gets invited to his first party and is totally awkward and feels uncool. Girl!Dean shows up and pretends to be his cool, older girlfriend in college and lets him feel her up in front of his envious peers.          

 A Most Unusual Realisation  by BronteLover       He took in the sight of Dean’s new mouth-wateringly luscious body, only dressed in white, lace underwear. The smooth, soft curve of her breasts were accentuated by the line of the bra, and her flat stomach led down into lace panties that left little to the imagination. He imagined ripping them off and plunging his cock inside the tight, wet heat they hid.                  

Orlando by ellerkay   While working a case in a small town in Massachusetts, Dean ends up with a very different body than the one he’s used to. He thinks it’s the most fun thing ever. Sam, on the other hand, is barely holding it together. He can’t stop thinking about Dean’s new shape, and it’s making it much harder than usual to keep his desire for Dean at bay. 

Sweet Sister  by  Anonymous   Sam has pined after Deanna for years.  Finally, they can't resist each other anymore.            

there's an opera out on the turnpike by cherryvanilla She's tried to fill the hole Sam’s left behind with saving other people. Tried to fill it with rock salt and matches and grave digging and shotguns. Tried to fill it with whiskey and beer and fucking and sucking. (Or, five times Deanna Winchester hooks up with someone who reminds her of her brother plus one time she sleeps with the real thing.)

 Thicker Than Water by Edwardina  Dean's got cramps, and Sam knows just what to do for him.  

Until it All Falls Down  by  Callisto   Jess burned, Dad died, Mom never really was, and Samuel never mattered. She figures if surviving all that doesn’t entitle Sam and her to each other for ever and ever, then Castiel in his heaven can sit on her middle finger and rotate.She once said that aloud, expecting a little shock and derision from the brother who’d prayed every day once upon a time. But all he said was ‘amen’ before he crowded her against a wall and kissed her.(Pre-series to season 6)     

 You're The One That I Still Miss by tebtosca     A curse sends Dean running to Stanford to hide out, but an unexpected life with Sam keeps him there.            

Female Sam

All Right, Mr. De Mille  by britomart_is  Sam's thighs are controversial. They're a matter of public debate.    

Beggars Would Ride  by   victoria_p (musesfool) He tells himself that the line he's crossing can be redrawn, slightly over the edge into fucked up, and isn't that where they've been living anyway since Mom died?                       

Bewitched Again by DickBaggins  Someone didn't read the fine print on the curse, and a month after Bewitched, Sam transforms into a super hot lady yet again. This time, Dean thinks he's better prepared. Thinks. 

Blues Won't Haunt You  by darkdecay   When John gets Dean severely injured on a hunt, Sam decides she's had enough. She gets Dean in the impala while their dad is out, grabs what she can, and gets herself and Dean as far away from John—and the life he wanted them to lead—as she can.                            

Dean's Bad Girl by Annabeth_Crestfallen_LeMorte  Not a lot of plot...basically some gender-swapped Wincest-y goodness.  SHAMELESS SMUT!  You've been warned.              

Don't Be Such a Girl, Sammy by  LoveThemWinchesters   Okay, yeah. Dean makes mistakes sometimes…some are worse than others. But maybe the end result isn’t so bad this time. 

Exit Sign in the Mirror by  keysmash   Sam lets things go pretty far before she bothers to tell him.              

Heaven is High and the Earth is Wide  by  lexicale  As wide open as the untamed west is, the Winchesters are always trapped between a rock and a hard place. Sam can't escape the trappings of her gender, and Dean is irrevocably in love with his sister.A western!AU with always-a-girl!Sam.            

The Hunt Gone Girl-Shaped  by Viridescence   Your typical monster-turns-Sam-into-a-girl fic. Or, how Dean DIDN'T get to play with Sam and his shiny new vibrator.      

I Am Sam By: Sorrel   It's hell being the girl. But Sam makes her own way, come hell or high water, and there's plenty of the former when she reunites with big brother Dean, and remembers all of the things she'd thought long forgotten.

The Old College Try by Anonymous   Sam's getting ready to graduate from high school and Dean's worried about Sam up and leaving him. So he starts plotting to get Sam pregnant.

Only Love Can Make A Home  by  KassandraScarlett   Soulless Sam seduces Dean and they begin sleeping together, and Dean does his best to hide the fact that he's in love with her. But then Sam gets her soul back and has no memories of what she did while soulless, until her wall breaks and her hallucinations remind her.                  

Samantha & Dean  by  Destiel_Cockles   AU where Sam is a girl and she wants nothing more than to be with Dean. She comes up with a plan to seduce him because she knows he wants her just as bad. 

A Supremely Black Tai Affair by setissma  The year she turns sixteen, Sam's Christmas list to her father has exactly three things on it: a house, a real Christmas tree, and the OED.

 The Thrift Store Tragedies by Blue_Jay  For hunters, being a woman is seen as a weakness. Samantha figures out quickly how to make it a weapon instead.                          

Underground Wires by eggnogged It’s hard enough being a teenage girl even without all the extra crap: they move around all the time, her family is as far removed from normal as it’s possible to get, and she’s in love with her older brother. Sam has no control on any of it, she’s just trying to stay afloat.

Both Dean and Sam are females

Bleeds for a Week and Doesn't Die by Nutkin   John Winchester has two daughters named Sam and Dean.

The Cursed Beaver by  Mayalaen   Sam and Dean find a cursed object that allows them to switch genders whenever they want.  

The Female Advantage by   DckBaggins   Dean's still feeling the full effects of a nasty little sex spell courtesy of a banging succubus, but she decides to lie about it to Sam; of course, her soulless sister sees right through her.  

For My Prayer Has Always Been Love by  The_Circadian  Back on the road after tragedy finds them again, Sam and Dean find themselves seemingly cursed by an unknown source. With little to go on, their previous plans to find their father are put on hold while they try to fix whatever has changed them into female versions of themselves.Despite the curse and his grief over the loss of Jess, the situation does nothing good for Sam's long running, hidden feelings for his brother. If anything it's harder and harder to deny how he feels.Takes place soon after the Season 1 Pilot.              

We Still Have Tonight   by ds9trekkie   Sam and Dean experience lovin' from a very different perspective. Witches, lesbian sex, and all the feels.          

#wincest #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean/sam #spn fic #supernatural #genderswap #genderbend #girl!dean #girl!sam #cursed!dean #cursed!sam #witches #john winchester #Soulless!Sam #case fic #It's A Terrible Life #season 1 #season 4 #Jessica Moore #sam/jessica #5 times fic #fan fiction #fic list #preseries #AO3 fic #livejournal fic #fanfiction.net

[touchstarvedsam]

Sorry if my English is not very good, it’s not my first language. Ok so I’m writing to you because I love your blog and I love how you think about Jensen and Jared's wives. I’m young but I know that no marriage is perfect and whoever thinks that they are then I am sorry but they are delusional. What I’m trying to say is...I've been seeing negative reactions to the new photos Jared posted and they piss me off you know? I mean, I know it's their opinion, but should they really say that everything is forced or things like that? I swear Jared and Jensen can't get a shred of peace from the fandom and it's sad. Also saying things like Gen can't act and I'm like, really? Idk, I just wanted to vent a little, I hope you don't mind.

(this wasn’t supposed to be so long xd)

You never have to apologize for your English, darling. You’re wonderful. :)

I agree with everything you’ve said here. There has been way too much hate circulating about the wives and it’s just so gross and negative and for what? I saw someone say that Gen isn’t a good mom, and called her a bitch, and said that Jared and Jensen are raising their kids? Where? Gen and Danneel have always been the ones taking care of the kids -- yes, they have/had nannies (I’m not sure of the situation now being that there’s a global pandemic) and whatnot, but you can’t fault people for that -- and sometimes they even took care of the kids together!

So these absolute nobodies on the Internet have no right to say they think Gen and Danneel aren’t good moms. No right at all. Because first of all, all we see is what’s on Instagram and Twitter. You cannot base someone’s parenting on social media! Gen has a private Instagram also. These people can’t even begin to understand what’s going on behind the scenes. These “fans” of J2 don’t know anything besides the fact that they think J2 are actually a couple and their wives are beards. Like, okay, yeah, that’s their opinion, like you said, but you’re right, they shouldn’t say the things they’re saying. I don’t care what these people think, J2 love their wives. Whether it’s romantic (look at the way they share looks with their wives???), or platonic and J2 are a thing, either way, they do love them.

Jared recently said that he feels like a stranger to his kids because he’s never around, which is one of the reasons why he wanted to stop acting: for more family time. But since Walker is so close to his home, he gets to see his family a lot more often. So that shot down their “Jared and Jensen raise the kids” idea. These people are just as delusional as the hellers, if not worse considering they’re doing it with real people. But like, J2 can’t stand the fact that people hate their wives. There is no reason for it. If you hate them, quietly hate them, don’t name-call, don’t be rude. Gen and Danneel are good people, good moms, and good wives. No one should be speculating what they think is going on based on a few videos that Danneel photobombed (videobombed?), or hating that Jared posted a happy birthday thing for Gen and shared (VERY CUTE) pictures of them kissing. Leave them the fuck alone.

And Gen can act. She was the main character for the entire four seasons of Wildfire. And she did a fantastic job as Ruby 2.0. I loved her as Ruby. And I love Gen as a person. Her and Jared really complement each other really well. I’m sick of the hate. These people need to keep it to themselves. I see them reblog posts by popular blogs and add their hate into the comments and it makes me sick. So, yeah, I wholeheartedly agree with you, nonne. Thank you. You can vent to me anytime. <3

#tinhellers #anti tinhats that don't know how not to be assholes #you can be a tinhat and NOT be misogynistic towards the wives :) #wank for ts #anon #kiri answers asks #an Angel

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Breathless (Everything ficlet)

J2 x Reader

Word Count: 936

Warnings: Discussion of breathplay/choking. No actual smut, just... pre-smut?

A/N: A quick lil Everything coda set not too long after the main fic. 

“What did you do?” Sam asked, low and dangerous, and I stepped back, feeling my pulse race with adrenaline. He looked furious, furious and fucking dangerous.

“I thought - ” I managed, the words dying in my throat as he came closer. My back hit the wall and I cringed, overwhelmed by the way he was looming over me with wild rage in his eyes.

He moved fast. His hand was on my neck before I could even think about ducking out of the way, his long fingers wrapped carefully around my throat, barely pressing, but I knew he had complete control. It would only take a squeeze…

I whimpered.

“Cut!” Jensen barked, and I winced at the hint of frustration in his voice. My cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“You okay?” Jared asked, stepping back immediately.

I forced a smile and managed a squeaky, “Fine!”

“‘I did what I had to do’ is the line,” Jensen said patiently as he strode over to us. He waved at the rest of the crew and shouted, “Break time. I’m gonna take ten with these two.”

Shit.

This was the first episode he’d directed since we got together; it had only been a week and a half, and I just wasn’t used to the new dynamic yet, and it was affecting my nerves so much more than I’d anticipated. We hadn’t told anybody yet, and it was stressful, trying to act normally, even when he wasn’t directing the scene.

On top of that, it was the first fucking scene we were shooting, and of course it was the scene that was proving utterly impossible for me to get right. Every time Jared’s hand landed on my neck, heat squirmed through my core, and I had to fight the urge to lean into it until those gorgeous fingers were cutting off my air supply for real. I couldn’t think about anything but how badly I wanted him to pick me up and fuck me through the wall.

“Are you okay?” Jensen asked, when we were alone on the set, and I slouched back against the wall, crossing my arms and scowling at the floor.

“Shit, is it like a trigger thing for you?” Jared asked. He sounded so concerned that I felt painfully guilty.

“No,” I snapped, and I fidgeted, trying to think of an excuse.

“Oh,” Jensen said suddenly. “That’s not the problem, is it?”

I looked up, surprised, to see him smirking at me. Jared still looked puzzled.

“You like it,” Jensen said, in that low, velvety voice, the one that always turned me to useless dripping-wet goo. I flushed, hiding my face behind my hands with an indistinct noise of protest.

“Huh,” Jared said, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jensen asked. He grabbed my wrists gently and tugged my hands down, and I made a face at him.

“Pretty sure it’s normal not to, like, blurt out a list of all your kinks a week into a relationship,” I grumbled. “Figured I’d wait on that one until you’re sure you want to keep me.”

Jared giggled, but Jensen was still holding my wrists, looking at me with a mix of exasperation and fondness.

“Pretty sure nothing about us is normal,” he reminded me. I rolled my eyes and shrugged sheepishly.

“And we’re fully fucking sure about keeping you,” Jared added, giving me a sweet dimpled smile that made my heart feel all fluttery.

“How about this?” Jensen asked. He dropped my wrists but didn’t move away, crowding in close and speaking softly. “We’re going to focus on this scene, we’re going to fucking nail it, and then, at lunch, we’re going to take you back to your trailer. He’s going to get his fingers around your neck and choke you while I make you come so hard you can’t see straight. Whatever filthy fantasy is getting you so hot and bothered right now, whatever you want... as long as you can get through this scene. Okay?”

I was so riveted by his eyes that I didn’t notice Jared reaching over until his fingers grazed my collarbone. His palm was warm on the delicate skin of my neck as he ran his fingers up, curling his entire hand around the column of my throat.

“It’s not the same, anyway. You think that’s what you want, but it isn’t,” Jensen said casually.

Jared squeezed ever so slightly, and this time I didn’t try to hide the way I was pressing my thighs together, whining at the throb of heat. Then the pressure was gone, and Jared moved his hand up, deliberate and careful, his thumb on one side and the very tips of his fingers on the other, nudging up into a soft spot just under my jaw.

“Like this,” Jared whispered. He pressed, and I was dizzy immediately, dizzy and wheezing and so goddamn turned on my knees almost buckled.

Jared let go. I bit back a moan.

“If that’s what you want, princess, we’re gonna give it to you,” Jensen smirked. He stepped back suddenly, dropping back into his efficient, authoritative director persona. He spun on his heel, clapping his hands and calling everybody back in.

“I want to hear more about this list,” Jared murmured, low enough that nobody else could hear. “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”

My cheeks were still burning, and I had no idea what to say to that.

“Motherfucker,” I muttered instead, to nobody in particular.

Jared winked, and then he was walking to his mark, slipping instantly back into character.

.

.

.

More in this world HERE. 

#j2 #j2 fic #j2 x reader #supernatural fic

[reddieandwaiting87]

For the salty ask game 1,5, 10, 14, 17 and 19.

Oh thank you sweet heart ❤ ♥ 💓 💗 💖

1.) What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get.

Destiel - even their friendship feels forced and most of the time Dean looks like he doesn't even want Asstiel around. When you have to use wallpaper, food and steal from actual canon ships. To give your fanon ship moments thats a clue right there. Also who wants to see a ten like Dean with a four at best Asstiel?

Samifer - this is actual nearly worse the Destiel cause at least Dean and Asstiel no matter how forced now. Are friends and have had some nice scenes together. Destiel is only the worst because the Destiehellers are such cunts. Thankful Samifer fans at least know how to tag. Anyway not ONE of Sam or Lucifer scenes can be seen as romantic. Rapey? Abusive? Unpleasant? Sure but romantic?!?! WTF.

Sabriel - Again just like with Sam and Lucifer but with even less screen time. Was it the 6 months that Gabriel tortured Sam people thought was romantic? Or Gabriel and Sam at best having 20 minutes of screen time together? Another thing that puts me off this ship is that Destiehellers only push it because they want *Sam to have a angel too.* 🤢🤮 ie get Sam out of the way so Destiel will totes happen.

5.) Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Just look at the above hon. Though I never shipped or liked any of these ships. Destiel for me is the worst ship ever because of the shippers. If they just shipped their fanon ship, I wouldn't mind. But they are so entitled and nasty. Spamming tags, sending people hate, calling people homophobic. Lying about what the show is actual Sam and Dean. And saying it's really about Asstiel and Dean being together. Fuck off.

10.) Most disliked arc? Why?

The Mark of lame S10. Why? Lol where to start it went on for way too long. They made Dean the biggest fucking dickhead (and you thought S8 Dean was a prick?) To ever dickhead. Every scene he was nearly unwatchable. Sam get's to do fuck all apart from being Dean's punching bag. Sam is now the bad guy for wanting to save Dean from HIS mistake. If Dean isn't being a cunt, he is giving up every 5 minutes. Zzzzzz Also Dean's idea to fix the problem is to be sent into space......wow. Jensen's acting is also meh. Mark of lame Dean is as deep as a puddle.

14.) Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Its too obsessed with every extra and bringing them back.

17.) Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

No angels ever, the writers strike didn't happen and powers Sam saves Dean.

19.) What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Destiehellers for the above reasons. The fans who are obsessed with J2s real lifes and their kids like WTF. How they let these nobodies like Hillywood or whatever they are called make money off the show and fandon.

Thank you hon that was fun!!!!

#ask games

[riddlesandqueries]

Somebody Sure As Hell Messed Up (Part 4)

(In which Music Meister, nee Dennis Prowell, and The Toyman, rarely known as Winslow Schott, have a revealing conversation over board games.)

"I like to know as much information as I can. It helps things run smoothly." said the Toyman.

Dennis took a deep breath in, then out. No theatrics this time. "Fine. You want the real story. Here it is.”

“...This was a team effort: I was showing her a night on the town. After that whole 2000 scare I just thought a day to celebrate the New Year was what she needed. What I said about breaking in was true. We were stealing ... miscellaneous goods when your bowl arrived. It wasn't until the building started to crumble apart when she pushed me into the hand though. So there it is. Are you happy?"

"Really? She actually pushed you? That's something I'd expect her to do to me, not you. You two were supposedly pretty chummy." Winslow leaned in.  "Goes to show you, she's a dangerous one."

"Well I would've expected Lyle to be more of the type to do such a thing. But I softened him up. I suppose I just didn't have enough time to get close to Darci. At least not to the point of being as chummy as you'd think." Dennis made a meek attempt to whistle to fill in the silence, but the mic on him kept making the pitch off key and weird. Definitely something he stopped a few seconds in. "I doubt she'll come over for some tea. You got no use keeping me around if that's the case."

"Oh she'll come. I've got my best man on it right now. And you'll be staying for a while. I can't help but be a little suspicious, you know? And we can keep each other company until our little reunion!" said Winslow, failing to hide the excitement in his voice.

"Suspicious? Me? Perish the thought."  Shit. You blew it, Prowell. Dennis bared a smile that was more than a little ingenuine. "So. We're going to 'keep each other company?'"

"Naturally! I haven't had a guest over in a very long time. Tell me, do you like board games?"

A very long time, huh? "Board games are fun." Dennis tried to match Winslow's energy. In truth, Dennis was much more fond of scrapbooking news articles about crime than he had been about board games when he was a child. The only board game he's truly interested in is D&D, but that was neither here nor there.

"I have quite a few, but be warned! I've had a lot of time to practice." One of the doors to the room slid open to reveal a tall shelf full of colorful boxes.

"Ah, well! It looks like you've got a lot of things to keep us occupied. Ha." God. I wish Hartley were here...

"How about Battleship? Or Chutes and Ladders?" Winslow hopped down off of his chair and went to the shelf to peruse the collection. "Or maybe Connect Four?"

Yeah... Hart's just the person I'd want to see right about now. "Now, Battleship's something I know haha!"

"Oh boy! Sounds good to me!" He grabbed the box from the shelf and took his seat again,  pulling the screens out of the box and sliding one down to Dennis. Winslow began setting up his side.

Dennis followed suit. "So you haven't had a friend over in a long time?"

"No, not since Peter. And I can't even remember the time before that. Mostly, it's just me and the friends I make myself. Uh, just say when you are ready."

He gave a thumbs-up in response. "G7. Merkel? Oh! He's been over at Sel's a couple of times. Very fond of Twister I've heard." Dennis then stopped for a moment. "Wait, then how did you meet Darci? Was it a henchgirl for hire gig gone to pot?"

"M-miss; J4" Toyman’s voice stammered as he placed a piece in his water. "You... you don't know do you? That's... kinda funny actually. You haven't noticed anything, well, peculiar about her, have you?"

"Hit. B2. No, nothing that would warrant suspicion. But that's coming from a Gotham resident. Maybe that sort of stuff flies past me." He stopped, just for a moment. "Then she's got something wrong with her, huh?"

"Oh no, she's perfect." He paused.  "Well, correction: she was a little bit more rebellious than I expected. Hit! J5."

"Miss. B3" Rebellious, he says. Rebellious. Sure you can call a student or criminal rebellious. But a lover? Not unless you got something wrong with your own methods... "Is that so?"

"Hmmm, Hit. You sunk my destroyer! J3?" said Toyman, considering his move. "You think you've got someone figured out, and they go and manage to turn your life topsy-turvy. I just don't know how she did it, but oh boy, did she."

"Hit. A1. You could say that about anybody though. Everybody's kinda got layers to them you know. Like tree rings. Or cake."

"Miss. J2. I suppose that's true, but she really isn't just anybody."

"Hit. A5. Then who is she?"

"She is mine." said Toyman, pointedly, before clearing his throat. “Ahem. Miss. H3."

... Noted. "I'll rephrase the question. What was she like to you? Miss. F6."

"At the start, she was my perfect doll. Then a switch was flipped, and she fled. Eventually, that Big Blue Bully got jealous when I tried to get her back, but we fled together. I thought it would be different, or rather back to the way things were, but she was just as manipulative as she was when she left. Hit. J1."

"Hit. The ship has sunk. F5." ... This bitch is lonely. If I connect the pieces together, then he's probably been wallowing in his misery ever since. "That sure sounds rough. I totally get it. Is there anything you've done for yourself since she left?"

"Oh, you know. Just a lot of work around here. Trying to stay busy. I started my blog, but that didn't really pan out...Miss. E7?"

"Hit. C9." Bingo. "Maybe you could benefit from getting out more. I mean more than just a blog. Get some friends with different perspectives. Live a little. You discover more about yourself that way."

"I don't know where to begin with something like that.” replied Toyman plainly. “It's not like someone like me can just go out and try to chat with random people. People would take one look at me and want to run. It might be different over in Gotham, but over here, they would never. Miss. F6."

"You started off with your blog. And that got Peter to talk to you. That was a good starting point.

 Maybe you could do the same thing. But you know. Without any alias or villain names. Then you wouldn't limit the people who share your niche interests to just rogues. Hit. C4"

"Miss, G7, And I don't think I can. I'm not much else but "The Toyman" anymore. I've devoted my entire life to get revenge on one man, and some alien takes him out before I got to try again. I'm not sure I am who I was anymore because I've been me for so very long."

"Hit. You sunk my ship. G1." Maybe that's why Darci ran off. Tch. "Then... Let's start off even smaller. Yeah. Bake the layers of your cake before you make the frosting! We'll just have to find some hobbies that click. Then we can go from there."

"Well, obviously I like toys. Uhhh, mechanical engineering? And movies.” He seemed curious, despite the mask. “Miss. C3"

"I'm sure there's plenty of other people out there who like movies and engineering too. Ever thought about joining a STEM group? Miss. F7."

"Hit. C9? There probably are, but what if they don't like me, or they find out who I am?"

"Hit. F8. If they're really your friends they wouldn't care, would they?" replied Dennis easily, although as his words settled in, he couldn’t help but wonder… I'm sure there's going to be someone to get me out of here. Hopefully not Darci… What if they've already forgotten about me? Or that they wanted me gone this whole time and they're celebrating my death as the minutes pass by? ...But that couldn't be the case. Almost everybody loves me!...Right?

"Hit. C10...I'm... not sure I want to talk about this anymore." murmured Toyman, presumably glancing away. "Do... do you like any movies?"

"Hit. F9." It's your funeral. "Oh, sure I like movies." Dennis smiled.

"Hehehe! Miss! C8? Do you have a favorite movie? O-or maybe a favorite genre?"

"Hit. E9, and… I only ever liked Quentin Tarantino flicks." he replied, with a blissful smile to accompany his lie. "I've always been enamored by the harsh reality of crime. It's just so intoxicating. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Miss. C7? Really? That's quite an interesting revelation about you, Mr. Prowell. I would have pegged you as just a musical fan, but that's what I get for assuming. I must admit it might not completely be my cup of tea, but I did enjoy Pulp Fiction."

"Hit. G9. Oh yeah! Crime's always been a big part of my life. My folks have always been a big inspiration for me when it comes to that."

"Miss. C6. Really? Your parents were criminals, then?"

"Hit. E5. Of course. Fine upstanding people they are. Looong before Big Blue came to town. Their old names were Songbird and Fireball. That ring any bells?"

"Miss. C6. They sound familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"You already played C6. Tch...They were part of an underground gang way back when. But they quit that sort of work before I came along. Never told me why though. Which is strange..."

"Oh, silly me. I meant to say C5. Hmmm... Where were they out of?"

"Hit. You sunk my ship. A8, and...The Intergang, I think. That place used to be big on recruiting metas back in the day. I know that for sure."

"They were INTERGANG? I don't blame them for leaving. Miss. D10."

"Yeah it had something to do with a mix up that led to members getting killed. Least that's what my Pop told me. But my kidnapping was when my folks were especially put off by the business. The first one. Miss. D1"

"'Mix-up?' I wouldn't be surprised if that's just what Mannheim said to cover his tuchus. I still wish I could have been the one to finally stop that bully. Miss. B10"

"Wait, you were after Manheim? Which one?"

"Bruno. That awful devil sent my father to prison and ruined my entire life."

"I was fucked over by Moxie Manheim! Damn old coot must be in his grave by now... Anyways! You know how there's an initiation to join?"

"Ha! Well, it's a small world after all! I think I heard something about it somewhere. Why?"

"Yeah, well... Moxie didn't really enjoy that Songbird and Fireball ditched the Intergang to start a family, so he decided to keep tabs on them. Their weaknesses and all that. Now, Moxie also had some new recruits lined up waiting to be official members." Dennis leaned in, conspiratorial.."He's got a big criminal brain as you know, so he thought it'd be real wise to make me a part of the initiation. Killing two birds with one stone, as they say."

"D-did they do it?" asked Toyman, on the edge of his seat.

"Of course they did it! Stole me away while my folks were vulnerable! Nothing much I could've done, figuring this was back in 1977." Dennis collected himself. "But they weren't having it! This was the last straw, Winslow!" He held up his index finger rather righteously. "And you know what happened?"

Winslow leaned closer in anticipation. "What?"

"They snuck in there and took me back! But not without a musical number first!" said Dennis proudly. Plain as day, he looked up to his parents: it showed in the glow of his smile.

"That must have been an absolute delight to see. So, you inherited your powers from a parent? Songbird, I presume? What could Fireball do?"

"She shoots a flare gun." he grinned. 

"Truly fascinating! Um, also, it's still your turn. B10. Was that the last they heard from Mannheim and company?"

"Miss. B10. Oh no. not at all. A bunch of failed attempts were made afterwards. And well, since Moxie's departure, Bruno was the guy looking out to see if they were any trouble. But now that Bruno's dead and Vito doesn't really care. There's some peace." Something, just then, just clicked into Dennis' mind. And oh how ironic it was. "Until now."

"Miss. B5.” sighed Toyman. "If you are referring to me, please don't be so dramatic. I mean you no harm, unless you mean it to me. I only want a little incentive for Darci to come here. And if she pushed you into my robot's clutches like you said, perhaps her final capture will be something you can relish as well."

"Miss, B5...Hmmmm.” thought Dennis, smiling a bit. "Well... I just find it hilarious that out of all the villains who I fall into the clutches of, it had to be the one that happens to despise the Manheims the most." He started fidgeting with a red piece in his hand. "Call it a hunch, but this seems a lot like destiny."

"It was quite the coincidence! As I said earlier, it's a small world. I might not say destiny, but who knows? Miss, D5?"

"Miss. E2. Well, nothing's impossible, kid."

"Miss. I8...Perhaps." Winslow fell silent, awkward.

"Miss. H1...For someone called the Toyman, you're not much of an optimist are you?"

"Miss. H8. For someone named Music Meister, you're not much of a musical film fan."

"It's not my fault that musicals are better on the stage." He smirked. “Miss. J6. Much more of an experience, you know? To go out and see something like that live and in the present."

"Miss. I9. I... see your point. But you're right, optimism isn't my strong suit anymore..."

"Anymore? Then that means there was a point in time where you were an optimist!" There's still hope!

"When I was a kid, sure. But after my father was sent away, well, it hasn't been very easy."

"Have you been to therapy for that?"

"No, my foster families never wanted to pay for something like that."

"But your foster families don't control you anymore, you're a free man! If you're able to afford it, at least give it a try."

Winslow buries his masked head into his hands. "But can a wanted man like myself just waltz into some therapist's office without a dozen people calling the police on him?"

"People wouldn't recognize you without...the mask, would they?" asked Dennis, curious.

He looks up with a shrug. "I'm 4' 10", and have a rather distinct voice. They might not know my face, but they still might know me. If I'm lucky, then everything would be fine, but if I'm not, then I might be in a lot of trouble.”

"Jeez, Metropolis has got some shit health care, doesn't it? If that's what's keeping you from healing... Hmm." Dennis tried to come up with an appropriate counter argument.

“I9. Being a supervillain isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"...But being an actor is! I've got it! And it's brilliant! Maybe we can't do much about your height, but you can do something about your voice and movement!...Oh. Sorry. Miss. H3."

"C-come again?" Toyman was genuinely surprised. "I don't... I'm not really... um...Miss. G2."

"Yeah, okay. You'd have to practice speaking from your diaphragm, but that's gonna be a sinch cause you got a performer around!" Dennis pondered. "Maybe change the names a bit for this new persona... That'd work so you wouldn't have to lie in therapy per se. We all know that goes nowhere."

Dennis made a square with his index fingers and thumbs to frame Winslow.

"I can totally see your persona now Winn! Hit! I10!"

"I'm not... sure... what you're talking about? I.....?" flustered the Toyman before sighing. "Miss. F2."

"You seem so deadset on people hating you, right?  And the inability to socialize and get proper therapy is what's holding you back from being a healthy and paranoid free individual, right? 

So, we just need to make you a persona so people won't know you're the Toyman! So people won't ‘hate’ you! It's a genius plan! I swear!" smiles Dennis, putting heavy finger quotes on the word hate, as  he genuinely didn't believe that everyone everyone hates him. “Oh! Hit! F10."

"I don't think... Let me just say: I don't want to be anyone else. I am me, no matter how awful my life has been, I can't really change it. If I try to make a new me, that can only take me so far before I just go back to being me. I can't make people stop disliking or fearing me. But I have been trying to change the way I go about what I do. I wanted to stop Mannheim from ruining any more families' lives, and I want to help make sure no more families are robbed of their lives because of some self-centered sneak!" Winslow’s voice slowly rose to a shriek, before he finally settles back down into his chair with another sigh. "Miss. H2."

After a brief pause, Dennis gently pat Winslow in the shoulder. "You're gonna lose your voice if you keep yelling like that." sighed Dennis kindly. "I get that you're trying to be noble and save families and whatnot, but if you keep going about this like a self-deprecating martyr, then soon there won't be much left of you to save any families. Hit. I4."

He shrinks away from the first pat, but eases on the following. "...Yeah, I suppose. But at least I did help, right? Miss. I2."

"Yeah. Yeah you did. Hit. H2."

There was a pause as Winslow looked down at the table. Without looking up, he muttered “Hit. E2...and...thanks."

There's the ticket. Actually, this time… "No! Noo! It's just what friends do." A warm, glowing smile swept across Dennis’ face. "If you really think people won't like you, then I won't push it anymore. But I like you. I like your motives too. So don't stress about it that much."

"Y-you like me? I'm your friend?"  said Winslow, genuinely taken aback.

"Of course!" Dennis said, minimizing the situation.

"I... I've always wanted a... a real friend..."

"If you wanted a friend, then why didn't you just ask?" Dennis gave Winslow that same warm glowing smile as he stood up.

Winslow sat still for a couple seconds before his emotions did finally catch up to him. He sobbed slightly but collected himself quickly. "Thank you so much!" he said, much happier than he'd sounded before. "So...E2?"

#music meister #toyman #dcau askblog #btas askblog #darci mason #darcimasonusb #askthetoyman #musicmeisterandtheinbox #event post #off camera

[spnreactionblogging]

CARRY ON

spoilers below but I’m very late to the game

here we go!!! there's Some Woman in the thumbnail for this episode and I'm like oh boy did you fuckers turn castiel into a girl to make it Not Gay, I will riot. we're off to a dread-inducing start I'm honestly not even sure I want to watch this? I have not heard anything good but since my options are either keep SPN blacklisted forever but ultimately get spoiled anyway, or use my dwindling remaining time to see it for myself without being told what happens, may as well be on my own terms I am hearing that misha and possibly j2 were not happy with this, whatever this is (?????) yikes I don't understand how you even have another episode after the last one. that seems like a traditional ending. you either beat a dead horse or go ultra meta and it sounds like they dropped the ball, big time but let's see jack's sweet and deserved better. there's a clock but it's NOT heat of the moment playing, damn oh the dog. we love you miracle dog sam's still jogging where's eileen!!!! I like seeing sam cooking I actually enjoy watching them do domestic stuff dean sneaking food to the dog 😭 can this be the whole episode, just them doing chores I meant to catch which book sam was reading I can't tell but it looks like it's old this is extra bonus sad for knowing that they couldn't even like, have a wrap party or anything. extra isolated. :( SPECIAL GUEST STAR JIM BEAVER!!! "Are you sure you're ready for this?" "Oh, I don't have a choice." dean hasn't been this relatable to me in years, this is how I feel watching this lmao akron pie fest dean dies of complications from diabetes god I miss bakeries or restaurants or anything I do love Sad Sam Face "I"'m thinking about Cas, you know? Jack. If they could be here." thank you Sam that pain isn't going away for me either "stop being an eeyore" Sam's the Eeyore of the series, Dean, okay, and same lmao jared fucking slammed that pie into jensen's face and they just filmed it. you can see the actual glee on his face brady??? like sam's old classmate? wasn't that his name? or no some kid. is this just a regular-ass monster of the week. do sam and dean just get killed by like. regular people? are there no monsters anymore. I would actually love that. humanity is truly the worst monster of all. didn't we learn that in season 1 :') in "the benders" are these guys sam and dean? are they just murdering monster families like they did in the holiday episode? what is happening. are those dean's shoes. I could probably recognize how they walk if I really paid attention i guess not. probably. "singer and kripke, FBI" ha fucking clowns lmao poor sam they still have dad's journal, huh. THE LORE evil mimes. vamp-mimes. I guess they kill these dudes? we gonna unmask them or what there we go this guy looks like joseph gordon-levitt oh we love torture on this show this is definitely "dean who's NOT the ultimate killer" amirite "if those kids are dead he's gonna use a spoon" how very walter sullivan of you also I feel like sam would not do this anymore but hey who am I, someone who likes consistent characterization? lol we're back to creepy barns instead of wet pipe factories dean has a fucking shuriken lmao I honestly for real need a machete for the overgrown weeds I don't hate this so far? I'm tired of the constant torture but I guess this feels like early seasons, kind of. idk. lmao sam with the concussions. classic tie them to a chair. it's what we do. i will be disappointed if they are not tied to a chair jenny? cue studio killers. I do not remember whatever episiode this is but it looks very early based on sam's hair oh thanks sam. couldn't get out of this episode without beheading a woman too one of the suggestions for me typing "woman" was a high-heeled shoe emoji. thanks, predictive text...?????? true feminist oh damn he could very well get tetanus from that. that's how trinity dies, man. should've gotten your booster shot, dean. vaccines save lives this is like the plot of signs why don't you guys wear bulletproof shit. your plot armor was holding you together until now. GUYS THIS IS HOW HUNTERS GO OKAY don't ever un-impale someone, guys like "dean we are in a major city, there are ambulances" call fucking 911, someone could be there already "I've always looked up to you" because you're taller than me lmaoooo idefk what to say about this like. we all know this is how hunters die. you fucking leered at jessica is what you did, dean if sam makes it out of this I'll accept it. if sam lives I can be okay. if this is the only way sam gets free of this, I'm okay. CALL 911 AND CALL JACK "always keep fighting" aw :( they're both very good at crying, I will give them that we never think it's gonna be the day. at least you got pie. OH THE WINCHESTER FAMILY MUSIC don't do this to me dean got a way better death than castiel. this actually reminds me a liiiiittle bit of the end of season 2? with how dean holds sam's body. the writing here is overwrought though. jared and jensen do the best they can with the script they're given but like you guys just FOUGHT GOD. they're a bit too up their own ass with this. you can tell that dabb thinks he's very clever. sam... gets a dog again? at least. i guess. the pacing is bad. I don't hate this on principle but it is not executed well. I am having like no emotional response to this except maybe relief for sam in a horrid way. like, you're free! at what cost. it's like the opposite of season 5? sam survives instead of dean. and... sam marries a dog. where do they get all this fucking lumber!!! did sam chop that all himself dude if he woke up to "heat of the moment" i'd lose my shit in the best way. gabriel wins. "gotta keep you on your toes." what had to change in this because of the pandemic? at least sam has a dog to be in scenes with him. the two guns as big and little brothers is an interesting choice of a shot. god the fucking phones. "DHS" "CIA" "dean's 'other other' phone" "state patrol" what's the paperwork on his desk? (512) is an Austin area code I have this on amazon prime and the saddest thing thus far is X-Ray: Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester, with no other actors at all. meta ways, pandemic related. "this is agent bon jovi" donna's alive??? sam just quit, babe. just quit. or take a day off at least, jesus. didn't you just drive back from ohio are you even gonna go back to the bunker DEAN IN HEAVEN!!! how'd you get here. "well at least I made it to heaven" lmao he said the same thing oh hey bobby!! I love jack god i've missed jim beaver you guys moved on to dream bubbles!!!!! RUFUS how very homestuck + narnia of you, starring sam winchester as susan pevensie so jack just like melded all of these metaphysical spaces, I'm cool with that "so the question is what are you gonna do now, dean?" get a better beer so I can drink and drive with my car that's in heaven, I'm already dead so who cares what I hit TELL ME WHERE IS BALTHAZAR FOR I MUCH DESIRE TO SPEAK WITH HIM break everyone out of the empty I do get the impression this was supposed to be a big cast reunion and the pandemic clobbered that :( oh it's the original license plate on the impala sure do love that cas and jack "helped" to give dean everything he's ever wanted. the only time "carry on my wayward son" has been diegetic I guess sam and the dog had a child I like jared in glasses are we doing a bunch of elderly makeup yeah there he is did they just spray grey temp dye on his hair or what is sam gonna drive into toluca lake!!! buddy please don't just run the engine in a garage, he took off his glasses and that makes me nervous jake gyllenhaal looking dude which cover is this must be nice to have healthcare I so appreciate that sam's wife has zero personality and is merely in the background, of no importance whatsoever compared to his kid named dean are the two impalas gonna meet in heaven????? vancouver is beautiful, or wherever this is at jared looks so cozy in that coat you can tell j2 really do love each other for real the majesty of that forest/that river got me choked up a bit, it's such a lonely thing. like. I can see what they were going for? like dean just... getting sick, falling off a ladder, getting in a car accident, etc etc would've been more potent, I think. the execution was not good. I'm not that unhappy though. it's all right. eh. it's fine. the heartfelt message from the cast (what's left of them....) and the crew was sweet. I want to know what they were intending to do? I feel like you can definitely feel the weight of COVID fucking this up which is genuinely upsetting. sam gets like 50 years of being free of dean I GUESS???? perhaps the only way to break the cycle.

at least there was no sexual assault in this episode. i have definitely watched way worse episodes of this show. it's like. twee. but I can't be mad at these guys especially with how much I know jared in particular has been struggling with the state of the world this year but jensen talked about it with rosenbaum on his show too. 2020 has been rough. like. at least they filmed it. whatever. I feel like I get what they were trying to do even if circumstances meant it wasn't really pulled off. it seems like they were supposed to have a big cast reunion and the pandemic took the wind completely out of their sails. this feels incredibly tacked on. 15x19 would've been a much better place to stop. I feel like I just read andrew dabb's notes. I get what they were trying to go for but they didn't pull it off. I thought it was gonna be a lot worse tbh in summary: EHHHHHHHHH

#s15e20

[spnfanficpond]

January 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - Writing RPF

We had a great time chatting with Taylor,  @impalaimagining​! Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your thoughts and experience!

Our topic this month was Writing RPF, and we talked about the legal, moral, and emotional aspects of writing about real people.  A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut!

We started off the chat with the legal side of things, most of which was covered back when we talked about Monetizing Fan Works back in May. Here are the related links that were brought up:

Wikipedia: Legal issues with fan fiction (The section dealing with RPF is near the bottom under Right of Publicity.) Boiled down, RPF has to deal with a celebrity's Right of Publicity. Famous people have the right to control the commercial use of their name, image, and likeness, sometimes even their broader identity or persona. Most states’ laws on this only apply to uses for commercial gain. So, don't try to get paid directly for RPF, and you're safe.

From NPR: We Stan: Real Person Fan Fiction Comes To Life. This is a fascinating discussion about RPF, the legalities, and how it’s been changing in recent years. This argues that basically since “fiction” is right there in the name, RPF is inherently more legal than regular fan fiction based off of characters. No one is trying to say that the real people involved are actually doing these things, it’s just fiction.

Goodreads Genre: Fan Fiction - Real Person Fiction. When I was researching, this link came up, and I clicked it, not knowing what to expect. Finding that Fan fiction, much less RPF is on Goodreads was surprising to me. (I thought Goodreads was only about books that could be purchased and didn’t touch “unpublished” works, but I guess not?) What I found most interesting was exactly how many of the titles listed on that page are J2-related. There are more J2-related titles than all of the others COMBINED. As a fandom, we rock!

The discussion started with most folks saying they hadn’t considered the legalities of fan fiction, or RPF in particular, when they began writing. Their first concern was just getting the story out of their head and onto the paper. Also, since no one was getting paid for it and it’s so popular, no one questioned the legalities. Also, since it’s fiction, there’s no defamation of character.

@mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle): Most people know that I generally don’t read RPF, unless it’s an AU. Way way way back, when I first started reading fan fiction, I used to read the occasional RPF. Honestly, before SPN, I never really liked an actor enough to want to know more about them. (I've been burned by some jerk actors in the past.) One of the first RPFs I ever read was from Jared's POV, and it contained a scene where he was on stage at a con, and detailed his thoughts. I forget what the inciting incident was, but suddenly he was thinking, "Great, now they're all thinking about how big my dick is," and it made him spiral. Something about that stuck with me, to the point that I cringe every time I see Jared on stage and anything remotely sexual comes up. That's pretty much what stopped me from reading RPF. I have no problem thinking about how big Sam's dick is, but I can't ponder too much about Jared's dick, or I can't look him in the eye when I see him at cons!!!

Taylor: I definitely think there is a very fine line to be walked when you write RPF, and I generally don't cross into the area of writing from an actor's POV.

Q: Is that how you keep it separate so you don’t stare into their faces at a con during a photo op and think about the smut you wrote about them?

Taylor: It can be hard to keep it separate sometimes but it's actually very easy in the moment of a split second photo op. They move so quickly, I don't genuinely think I have ever had the time to consider the things I've written about them while I was talking to and hugging them!

Q: Anyone else who doesn’t read/write RPF, do you think that the whole not being able to look them in the eye is an internal thing for anyone in your life, or just celebs? 

@manawhaat​ (Mana): For example, I have A. FUCKING. LOT. of sex dreams. With tons of people, celebs and people I know in my real life... and I don't want to say that it's jaded me as far as thinking sexual thoughts about people, but in a way it kind of has. I don't have that moral dilemma of not being able to look Jared in the eye after thinking about his dick.  Taylor: I completely agree. I think writing it has made me kind of impervious to it bleeding into my daily life. I see Jared and my heart goes ohmygodwelovehim first and in person, then later when he's not around is when the wowowowbutwhatabouthisdick comes in. Michelle: I don’t think I could write about anyone in a smutty way. Just characters.

Q: I wanted to talk about 'characterization' of rpf. Do other rpf writers out there think of the people as characters and treat them that way, or do you humanize them? Idk if that question makes sense but it's along the same lines of keeping them separate. 

@fogsrollingin​ (Alex): I cast them in other stories when it's rpf. I always write rpf AUs with only a couple exceptions. We know their onscreen mannerisms, so making them astronauts terraforming a new planet with evil aliens on it is like "oh easy". Taylor: Characterization is huge for me. If someone writes an actor outside of the way they portray themselves, it's impossible for me to read. While we don't know these people personally, we know how they act outwardly and in the public eye, and that's enough to get a good idea of the kind of person they would be.  Michelle: I have no trouble reading AUs, because it's just another character who happens to look like and have the name of one of my favorite actors. In AUs, they're characters. If they are actors on a show called Supernatural, then it's too humanizing for me. Taylor: See, Michelle, my mind can't separate it to that degree. If I'm reading about someone named Jared who looks like our Jared? It's Jared. AUs give me a lot of trouble, to be honest.  Both writing and reading. Alex: I feel like it's no different than if Jared did a scifi movie during his summer break from spn & it's so low budget they just kept his real name for his character name.

Q: Do you feel differently reading ship RPF than reader insert RPF?

Michelle: Most of the RPF stories I read are ships, but I do read some reader inserts, too. It’s not an intentional choice either way. Alex: I don't feel differently about it, rly. I know I prefer reading ships over reader insert but that's just my personal jam. Mana: I have a hard time reading ship rpf mainly because I like the versions of my ships that I've built in my head, so when someone deviates from that it is a little turn off for me. Like, your version of Cockles is not the same as my version, which is totally fine, you do you, but it isn't gonna tickle me the same way ya know. so when I get into like non-mainstream ships it's extra difficult to find writers who represent them in the 'right' ways. Taylor: I feel that way about pretty much everything I read, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole characterization piece of it. I know that my idea of and the way I portray Jared or Jensen is probably a million times different than the way other people, including my readers, think of them. I try really hard to make sure the way the actors come across is "right". Mana: I think the one big piece of characterization is kind of using the way they have presented themselves as a moral compass. Obviously they don't present their whole selves so there's always wiggle room and areas where you are free to project your ideas of them into the fic, but that's also the trickiest area and where so many people drop the ball.  Taylor: YES. So, so many people take that wiggle room and take it leaps and bounds beyond what is public (fandom) knowledge. 

Q: How do you feel about RPFs that support certain theories about the wives being beards and such?

Mana: I try to not write anything that would feel as if I'm slandering anyone, etc. I wouldn't want to write a Jensen x reader fic where Danneel cheats on him and that's how they get together. If I mention it at all I just say that they've peacefully and amicably parted ways. If I don't mention it then they simply don't exist in the timeline. But never anything negative about anyone, especially the wives.  @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​ (Kaisha): I don't write smut (only read) so I have a very different interpretation on a lot of the things being discussed. I tend to stick with non-AU, sister/daughter!reader insert RPF fics because I don't feel creative enough branch out beyond that. I feel the same as Mana, and I actually won't read fics that are based on the premise that someone cheated for the storyline to work. Alex: I'm okay if ppl deviate far into fantasy realms tho. As long as it's not too support a real life conspiracy theory about the actors, if ppl wanna write it & others like it, all the more power to them. I mean as long as you're like "I killed the wives during the zombie apocalypse in my fic but I love them in real life please don't kill me" I'm like "cool". Taylor: I avoid bashing fics or beard fics. Admittedly I have one where Jensen and Danneel never got married, but they still had a daughter together and Danneel hid the kid from him until her 5th birthday. That doesn't feel like a bash/slander fic to me because I'm not painting anyone as a bad person - things just played out differently. 

Q: The person who suggested this topic mentioned “how to write your first RPF.” Any suggestions?

Michelle: Have Mana finish it for you! (The only one I’ve ever written, she had to finish for me!) Alex: My first rpf was a ballerina!Jared & yogi!Misha romcom. It was so goofy! Taylor: I don't know if I can even answer that question. It literally just poured out of me when I started. I took the tiny little idea I had in my head (my daydream, as it was previously and so aptly named), and put it into words and it ended up being a 10 part series. Mana: How to write your first rpf: READ RPF FROM A LOT OF DIFFERENT WRITERS. find what works for you and for the people you're writing about. do a couple of trial runs with shorter fics. you have room to play, but try not to stray too far from what they've presented themselves as in real life. Kaisha: For me, when I wrote my first RPF (which was also my first fic), I was in a mental place where I was watching a lot of con videos and reading a lot of sister/daughter fics. It was more "I need an outlet for how I am feeling right now and I don't have anyone to talk to"...so I talked to the image of the boys I had made in my head from what I saw of them online.

Q: Does character shipping affect the RPFs you read? Like, if your OTP is Destiel, do you mainly only read Cockles?

Kaisha: I will read almost anything that's related to one of the Js, either RPF or SPN. But I don't have strong ship feels one way or another that changes what I read/write for RPF. Taylor: I don't know if character ships have any kind of effect on RPF ships. Because there are a lot more people involved in cons than we see on the show, and cons are my primary source of RPF inspiration. Like, we see Henry, what, twice in the show? But Gil McKinney is a whole other story. He's all over the convention circuit (or at least he used to be) and also all over fandom twitter. It just feels easier for me to write RPF because I see these actors in my real life, interacting with other real people. I have interacted with them, which makes things feel a lot more real than writing about two hot fictional dudes from my TV screen. Alex: I'm definitely up for Sam/Dean as much as I'm up for J2. Oddly tho it's Mishalecki at real life con panels that's gotten me totally happy to write/read Mishalecki.

Q: (From Taylor) The piece of RPF I struggle with the most is bringing events from the actors' real lives into my stories. Writing about Jensen and the brewery, about their kids and stories they tell about them at cons, that's where my already grey area turns even more grey. 

Kaisha: I am right there with you Taylor! My fic started as mostly the reader and JJ interacting and then I remember the twins existed, too. And with my new fic I am trying to figure out if the San Jac and FBBC will work in or not. Mana: I'm interested in this, because I don't seem to have that issue or gray area. It just doesn't exist for me and I'd like to hear more about it from you guys. Taylor: It's so hard haha. I have something coming up that deals with Jared being arrested and of course I didn't post it before that whole event went down so now it looks like I'm taking that part of his life and twisting it for my personal fiction needs. Which feels kinda (adult word for "not good").  Kaisha: For me the gray area thing is because I want to write a believable story. A believable story has realistic details and if I am ignoring or overlooking things that my audience knows to be true, I feel it takes them out of the story. Mana: So it's a case of omit it entirely or commit to it entirely? I ask in regards to like FBBC and the kids. Do you feel differently about incorporating those aspects into your fics? would you be more comfortable writing about fbbc than you would the kids? Or does that gray area cover the same on both? Kaisha: The same thing goes for when I beta read something. A detail that I don't remember or agree with will take me out of the story and send me on a research rabbit trail to know if the author is correct with what they said. I want to stay in the story as much as possible and I want that for my readers too. That's probably a good way to differentiate it. If I state in the A/N that J1 only has 1 kid, then I don't have to consider what year the story is occurring in. But if I tell you it's non-AU, well then everything that is happening in our universe should be happening in my story (otherwise, it would be AU, even to the slightest degree). The kids vs. FBBC thing I think could be very personal on which someone feels more comfortable with. I say that because I know ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING about alcohol. Kids on the other hand I get. Taylor: For me it's the same. Just, actual concrete aspects of Jensen's life are harder for me to write about. Because then - again, just for me - that feels like writing from their point of view, which is something I try to avoid.

Q: Do any of you read/write RPF outside of SPN?

Taylor: SPN is my only fandom. Michelle: I tried to read fics from other fandoms, and just couldn’t get into it. I might be getting sucked into The Witcher fandom, though. Haven’t found any Geralt fics that really align with my image of him, though. Alex: There are CW network RPF AUs I read. Taylor: I feel like, as SPN fans, we have a wonderful privilege and incredible pool of writers to choose from when we want to read. I don't know, because like I said SPN is my only fandom, if any other fandom has this level of talent or dedication.

Q: Have you ever read an RPF fic that changed the way you viewed an actor? Or given you a sense of gained insight into their lives?

Michelle: That's actually why I don't read “canon-compliant” RPF, actually. Because then I might think that idea is real, and won't see that it's not, even when proven wrong. Like, maybe Jared actually loves it when we think about how big his dick is? But I can't stop thinking that it embarrasses him and makes him uncomfortable because I read it in that one fic. Kaisha: @crashdevlin​  has a Jensen x reader series that also heavily features Tom Hiddleston. My view of Tom has forever been changed because of her story!  Michelle: My brain is very malleable. Sometimes, I'm so open-minded, my brain falls right out. I have to be careful what I let influence me. Kaisha: It wasn't something that I intended to happen. Crash just wrote a very compelling character and I think my opinion would have been altered no matter who it was that she used as the face. Taylor: I've never read anything that has changed the way I view the actors. I've certainly read things that have given me new ideas about the things they enjoy (bitey and/or rough smut), but nothing that's changed the way they appear in my mind. I think the biggest part of all of this is just remembering that all of this is 100% FICTION and should never be taken as reality in any way, shape, or form.

To close out the chat, Mana requested fic recs! Here are the recs that were mentioned:

Michelle: If you're into serial killer AUs, There's a J2 AU in my AO3 bookmarks that's genius. Adoration. The other RPF bookmark I have is called Beholder. Jared runs an animal shelter, and Jensen is a homeless man with a TBI who gets dumped at the shelter one night.

Alex: My favorite rpf fic is Tails by keep_waking_up. Werefox!Jared & kitsune!Jensen law enforcement murder mystery AU.

Taylor: One of my favorites to read is by @thecleverdame​: Modern Technology. (Jared x reader) This is unfinished but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite Jensen-things I've ever written, AND IT'S AN AU!!! Rockabye. Also, there’s You Saved Me (Jared x Reader). And have a J2 x Reader for funsies! Something is Happening

Kaisha: This is my favorite RPF. Underneath verse (series) - J2 -  Jensen is the undercover FBI agent sent to take out Jared, the boss of Chicago. #Self-promo, but I am pretty proud of this one, too: Nanny, Sister, Daughter...Family (Jenneel with sorta daughter!reader)

Mana: Here’s the Cockles x Reader fic that Michelle and I wrote: Rumor Has It And, of course, (Jenneel x Reader) Fools In Love.

Feel free to reblog with your favorite RPF fics!!

Also, the February LiveChat info is still TBD. Feel free to send in your topic ideas and suggest guest speakers!!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever! Next up is organizing the tagging system on the blog to make it easier for readers to find the stories they’re interesting in and for writers to find the help they’re looking for!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to December’s New Members and January’s New Members! (If we missed someone, let us know!)

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We’re getting lots of requests for more Big Fish, lately, but so far, only one applicant! If you know someone you think would be a good Big Fish, tell them to apply!!

#chat recap #spnfanficpond livechat #michelle answers #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #sn fan fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #spn fic rec #supernatural fic rec #chat room #let's chat #THE CHAT ROOM #pond chat #RPF #spn rpf #supernatural rpf

[dimples-of-discontent]

Thoughts on “Destiel is Real.”

So, I’ve been relatively scarce of late (except for when I went bonkers with reblogging deadly Cockles content...which I think I blacked out from b/c it was like being waaayyyy too high and it’s all their fault) because, if y’all don’t know, I have stage 4 breast cancer and am in chemo. I’m tolerating it really well but it takes a surprising amount of time, actually, especially since I’m still working 80% time and also living alone so doing house stuff etc. 

This is all to say that I’m weighing in on things belatedly a lot. Like, I do still want to analyze the Cockles JIB panel as a whole b/c, oh my, was there a lot there. But today I will settle for this piece of it. I apologize if this is reduplicating what smart folks said elsewhere right when it happened. I was also off Twitter to avoid having it bring me down so I might just be really unaware. But as soon as this moment happened I was like, “oh man we’re gonna argue about this for like 84 years.” So here’s my small contribution on what this reminded me of.

To me, listening to Jensen and watching him engage the crowd, inspired a lot of anxiety b/c it did definitely seem like he was pissed off. I just couldn’t tell with what or who, especially given firsthand context from some folks in the room like @bluestar86​ who wrote this account: https://twitter.com/bluestar861/status/1130255687290937344?s=21 about the general positivity Jensen and Misha had shown earlier (which is why Misha mentioned the shirt) and how the energy in the room was almost entirely positive. I totally believe that. But it didn’t reconcile easily with what I felt I saw from Jensen.

Until I remembered SDCC 2011. The one where Misha had been fired and all of them knew but none of the fans do. I wrote a long meta on that panel that I’m actually super happy with so maybe check it out? Anyway, this is how I described some of the dynamics:

The way everyone is sitting at this table isolates Sera and the body language from Jared and Jensen is openly hostile. Jensen especially pushes himself as far away as possible, defensively crosses his arms, leans away, doesn’t make any eye contact. Jared is also pissed and is functionally shielding Misha with his body while he does the first Cas question. Both of them are very protective and Jensen is more than a little hostile. They also both keep egging the audience on in their love for Cas/Misha, as when Jensen shouts “YEAH!” in affirmation of audience shrieks about the character. They want to show Sera what a piss poor decision it was to take Misha away from the fans…and from them. Whatever else you see happening these are some amazing friends.  

So, we had a remarkably angry Jensen at this panel and he was angry specifically because the network had made what he considered--both professionally and personally--to be a fucking terrible decision. But he couldn’t say that. He’s got NDAs and stuff to worry about. So instead he settled, among other things, from egging the audience on to show how much they loved and wanted more Castiel. 

Now I’m not saying the correlation is 1-1 with Destiel. But I am suggesting a thought experiment where something similar could be going on. And by “something similar” I mean “Jensen has inside knowledge about a thing the network has decided that he thinks is fucking stupid and that will hurt the fandom.” Like, oh for example, they’re not moving Destiel out of the subtext.

Additional fuel for this fire. Many have speculated that it’s network president Mark Pedowitz who’s the blocker. Jensen, earlier in the panel, asks the audience to applaud Pedowitz. That’s weird and he’s never done it before. True, Jared was talking about how Pedowitz says that they set examples for other shows and that Pedowitz is complimenting them on it so it was at least that in part. But Jensen is MASTERFUL at throwing shade while appearing to be doing the correct, professional thing. Witness his comments about Bob Singer and last year’s S13 finale. He’s done it with Eugenie and Sera too and probably others I don’t know about. Having the audience applaud Pedowitz if he knows something negative about Pedowitz--something the audience won’t like and that will actively hurt many of them--has a major bite of irony that I feel Jensen is perfectly capable of trying to engineer. (Or maybe there hasn’t been a final decision but he knows it doesn’t look good and why. Don’t lose hope! This is just speculation and a thought experiment.)

I’m going to put the JIB analysis under a cut, since it’s long and has lots of images. It ends with “The most similar behavior I saw was Jensen angrily getting the audience to cheer for something, even doing the same hand-raising gesture. In 2011 it was Castiel (”Go on! Show Sera how much you love the character she killled!”) and this time it was Destiel (”Go on! Show the network how much you love the ship they won’t textualize!”). That’s what made me think, initially, that he may know something about plans for Destiel that a) makes him mad, b) that he considers a bad decision by the network, c) that he thinks that audience will be hurt by.”

Anyway,

If you watch the JIB panel (starting about 12 mins in) you see, first, that Jensen wants Misha not to bring it up. He raises his hand at Misha which I first thought was him being like “shhhhhh don’t bring that up!” but which on repeat viewing I think was him actually just trying to get Misha to shut up so he could literally try to understand what she was saying. Once the audience reacts to Misha’s comment these are their faces:

Jared is absolutely looking at Misha like, “dude, why did you have to go and do that? You just threw a live grenade onstage.” Jensen is hamming it up gesturing at the audience to scream louder. 

Jared changes his face to “well, when you’re right, you’re right! What are you gonna do.”

Here’s Jensen. He’s looking grumpy. Now, is it fake grumpy, a recognized and favored persona that he has. Or is it actually grumpy? Or is it both”

I think it’s both. But I also think he looks sad. And concerned. Like, on behalf of the audience not for him. Now you can say I’m projecting if you want--this is all total rampant speculation--but look at his eyes. I think he’s upset that he has to talk about this at all (since he knows a little about the fandom conflict it sets off) but there’s something else. 

He pauses for a good, long time looking at the audience responding. And according to Saz and others the response was HUGELY POSITIVE! So why does he then announce into the mic with a grumpy fake laugh and what I honestly have to call sarcasm, “Destiel is real!” 

Note that Misha is not worried by this. If Jensen were actually legitimately furious I think Misha would look a little worried. But instead he looks amused and curious about where this is going.

This is Jensen asking “Is it?” for the first time. He looks intentionally confused - that’s the bit he’s doing. 

Here’s Jensen after the audience starts to audibly yell “Nooooo!!” His face says “WHAAAAAAT!?”

People then yell “yes” to drown them out and he asks, “Where?”

Second “where?”. Maybe he’s trying to get them to say “subtext” - a word the cast has great familiarity with and which was used in “Fan Fiction” and which they can joke around a lot about. That’s my guess. Maybe he has a subtext joke set up he wants to do with Misha. (Remember his tweet to Misha during “Fan Fiction: “you keep your subtext to yourself. I’m not that kind of girl. Wait...”)

They don’t - at least not clearly. Someone in the front row says, “Nowhere.” Misha says, “Help” (after mouthing something at someone in the audience that is probably “I’m sorry about this.” Jensen checks on Misha BUT disregards the fact that he’s looking over at the question-asker (who didn’t even ASK a Destiel question, just wear a shirt she liked) and asks “Where?” AGAIN.

Misha then takes things in hand and reaches out to tell Jensen, “don’t get into a fight with these people.” Jared is making a “Yikes!” face at the person in the first row who is continually yelling “Nowhere!”. 

Jensen does sit down, but he’s mad. He’s really tense and it takes him a while to shake it off. 

Who’s he tense with? The most obvious answer is the audience but let’s consider a couple things. 1) The audience was giving a mixed answer, including and sometimes more loudly the “Nowhere!” that you would think Jensen would want to hear IF he were angry/tense about the “Destiel is real” shirt or the audience’s support of it. 2) He was demanding consensus and an answer to where it was real EITHER to have them say “nowhere”--which they did so why not just stop?--OR to get them to say something like “subtext” to lead them into either a question or a bit about it.

So why keep pushing? Hoping to change the answer? Hoping to find consensus? Or maybe just hoping to get them to make a lot of noise about it for a long time (at which he succeeded). Now, Jensen is famously inconsistent about Destiel and also famously different onstage, especially for J2 audiences...though this, the most Holy Gay panel of all the panels, isn’t a place he’d shy away from, e.g. “What would Dean and Cas do on a trip to Rome? Everything I think of right now is inappropriate.” 

Which brings us back to “who’s he tense with”? Could it be only part of the audience? Which part? The part yelling “nowhere” or the part yelling whatever positive things they were yelling? I’m going to hypothesize, based on a LOT of other stuff that I’ve written about, that he’s annoyed with the negative folks spoiling it for everyone with their “nowheres” and is trying to get the positive folks to drown them out and give him a good answer he can run with. 

The fact that nothing coherent emerges is actually what gets him annoyed. And, by extension, the volume and persistence of that small part of the audience, which lets people like Pedowitz shoot down the idea of textual Destiel as something the viewers “don’t want,” annoys the living shit out of him because he sees the viewers all the time and knows that a majority of them either are ok with or actively want textual Destiel.  I imagine him thinking something along the lines of, “Why can’t these nice people just have what they want? It’s b/c of assholes like you.”

He definitely lets his emotions get the better of him. He was already not in the best place, thanks to circumstances I hope to write about later but which boil down to having his special panel with Misha (that he was visibly psyched for from the moment he got onstage, “I always have so much fun with you!”) taken away because he got some awkward wood from being choked and straddled. So with that grumpiness he was primed not to make the best decisions. He gets aggressive and confrontational when he’s pissed, which is a thing I don’t love about him, even though it’s very easy to see why, and maybe this was just his battleground of choice. 

To get back to the thought experiment about whether this is like SDCC 2011, though, I think it could be. I think it’s far more complex, given all the discourse surrounding Destiel and Jensen’s own sexuality. (Here’s a post I wrote in response to a question about Jensen and Destiel and bi!Dean that asked whether I thought he experienced them as about himself and Misha.) It’s tough, b/c each piece of evidence could go both ways (ha). Either mentioning Pedowitz for applause is excellent shade or total sincerity. Either Jensen is mad at the pro-Destiel audience and trying to get them to admit that they’re wrong, or he’s mad at the antis and trying to get them drowned out. 

The most similar behavior I saw was Jensen angrily getting the audience to cheer for something, even doing the same hand-raising gesture. In 2011 it was Castiel (”Go on! Show Sera how much you love the character she killled!”) and this time it was Destiel (”Go on! Show the network how much you love the ship they won’t textualize!”). That’s what made me think, initially, that he may know something about plans for Destiel that a) makes him mad, b) that he considers a bad decision by the network, c) that he thinks that audience will be hurt by.

Given his shift in attitude overall and the mood of the room as described by attendees, it seems plausible to me that his engagement was a performance, using the audience, of what it is the viewers ACTUALLY want. But it could also just have been a grouchy Jensen taking it out on an old, familiar punching bag - the topic he never wants to discuss onstage - Destiel.

#jensen about destiel #jensen feels #jensen meta #panel meta #jibcon 2019 #jib 10 #wank adjacent #negativity for ts #wank for ts #just in case #sdcc 2011 #text vs subtext #network things #mark pedowitz #actor opinions #sexuality speculation #only in a link though #I honestly hope you know the question wasn't about the ship #misha brought it up #then regretted it #j2m #lots of face journeys here #my meta #and actually there is no cockles here which seems crazy #except of course it's everywhere #in misha's gentle little touch to stop jensen #the way jensen will sit down when he does that #what a complex guy he is #it's why I'm never over him #anyway

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (3/?)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2

Part 3

Kurt has the art of avoiding someone he’s sharing a confined space with down to an art. Blaine stays in the bedroom most of the time and the morning stiffness in Kurt’s joints from sleeping on the couch is well worth not having to interact with his roomie. He spends the first few days decompressing from the stressload of his schoolwork, social media, extra pampering, the usual.

This is enough to keep him entertained for a few days, but the first few hours of day four drag on like molasses. 

Kurt lies on the couch, flippantly scrolling and cycling through the same social media apps over and over again until he’s seen every tweet, every snapchat story, and every. Single. Facebook. Post.

This routine is fine when he has a full and busy life, but it can’t be all he does. He’s going stir crazy.

It’s this boredom, he tells himself, that motivates him to knock on the bedroom door. Because he’s a generally social person, and he’s certain that even the likes of Blaine Anderson could offer him some temporary entertainment.

“The living room TV doesn’t come with Netflix,” he explains when a confused Blaine opens the door. “And my social media feed is dry, so you can either let me in on whatever you’re watching, or you can deal with the consequences of not doing that. I should let you know, I have a brother, and I can be very annoying.”

Blaine hums, looking Kurt up and down. “I also have a brother who can be ridiculously annoying, so I suppose I can’t risk it.” He speaks carefully, but Kurt has a sneaking suspicion that Blaine’s just as out of his mind bored as he is and would appreciate the company. 

He opens the door wider to allow Kurt passage in the room. 

Blaine moves towards the bed, where he’s clearly made some sort of quarantine nest for himself—the blanket is puddled near the head of the bed where Blaine was lying, a few books scattered by where his feet would have been, a bowl of half eaten ramen abandoned on the nightstand. 

Kurt… doesn’t quite know what to do. He starts for the computer chair by the desk, but Blaine waves him away. “You can just sit next to me,” he says dismissively. “That’s Sam’s gaming chair, and it is just absolutely hell on your lower back. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

He raises an eyebrow, crosses his arms. “Is that what I am to you?”

Blaine looks at him like he’s genuinely surprised by the remark. “What? I… No. Not at all.”

“Really?”

“Look, Kurt, I know we have a weird history and we don’t particularly get along, but I don’t hate you.”

Kurt eyes Blaine up and down for a second, assessing him for any signs of deceit. He finds none, pulls the cover back and slides underneath it. “What are you watching?”

“Let It Snow. It’s a Netflix Original. It just started, do you want me to rewind it?”

Kurt waves a hand. “No, that’s fine.”

On screen, two teens are trudging through the snow towards a building with AFFLE TOWN on top of it. 

“If the train made you feel real, Waffle Town is gonna blow your mind.”

In the movie, the cheerleader character kisses the other main red-headed girl in the bathroom, but acts like nothing happened when the rest of the squad comes in. 

“Oh, she’s totally not out of the closet yet.” Blaine murmurs. 

“What? But she said she was, at the beginning.”

“I mean, yeah, but there has to be some sort of twist.”

“Hm. Seems like you have this movie all figured out.”

“I mean, movies like this are supposed to be predictable on some level. Let’s be real, we watch these movies because no matter what happens, no matter what misunderstanding there is, you know everything’s going to be okay.” He looks at Kurt, and Kurt’s heart does not skip a beat. But objectively speaking, Blaine is ridiculously adorable, and maybe he has a teeny tiny reaction when Blaine says, “You know that the right people will end up with each other.”

About twenty more minutes in, all the different storylines have been introduced and Kurt realizes why this movie seems so familiar. “Oh my god,” he says. “This is totally just a teen version of Love, Actually.”

Blaine chuckles. “Oh my gosh, you’re right!”

They both laugh out loud at the end, when the crappy best friend realizes she’s been crappy and gives the red-head a little speech. 

“If you and Beyonce were trapped in a house that was on fire and I could only save one of you... I would let Beyonce die.”

The movie draws to a close and Blaine leans back against the pillows, obviously satisfied with the ending. “See? Happy endings rule. They’re a little cheesy, a little predictable, but that’s what I like about them.”

Kurt smiles and looks over at Blaine. “Yeah, me, too.”

*

When the movie ends, Blaine excuses himself for a moment to go grab a drink from the kitchen.

When he finishes his glass of water, Blaine heads to the hall closet, clamoring around for that stash of board games Sam keeps for game nights. He finally finds it and grins a bit, pulling out Battleship. This should keep them entertained for a while.

He stops dead in his tracks, just outside the room, when he hears Kurt in a heated conversation on the phone. “No, Adam. I meant it, this time. We’re over… I know there’s a national crisis right now, that’s why I’m at—don’t… stop… will you let me—! You always do this! Stop talking over me! Oh my god, if you’re not going to listen, then this conversation is over.”

Blaine silently backtracks a few steps when he hears Kurt sniff, then after a minute or two, starts walking again, making sure to slap his bare feet against the hardwood floor so that Kurt hears him coming and can take a second to compose himself. He rattles the battleship game for extra measure and says loudly down the hallway, “So I found this battleship game in the closet, thought it might be a good way to pass the time.”

Kurt still looks a little lost in thought by the time Blaine is back in the bedroom. “Uh, sure, yeah. Why not,” he mindlessly agrees.

It takes them a few minutes to set everything up and figure out logistics. As a gesture of goodwill, Blaine insists that they both sit on the bed for this activity. He still feels a little bad for… whatever Kurt is going through right now. 

They’re well into the game when Blaine decides to tug a little more on the thread that will unravel Kurt Hummel.

“J1,” Kurt grumbles.

“Miss,” Blaine responds. “So… I thought I might’ve heard you on the phone earlier,” he says, and Kurt’s hard gaze pierces through him. “Everything okay?”

“Why do you care?” Kurt snaps.

Blaine felt his own defenses rising up. “We are going to be stuck with each other for days on end, so excuse me for trying to be a decent person.”

Kurt de-bristles himself. “Sorry,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “Sorry… I um… my ex is trying to get me to go stay with him. But I know he’s just going to rope me into getting back together again and I just… I’m done. Sorry,” he repeats, lifting his knees and wrapping his arms around them. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine says, mouth twitching. “We’ll chalk it up to social distancing. Speaking of, I know why I’m self-quarantined, why are you? If you don’t mind me asking. Why not go home like everyone else? B4.”

Kurt sighs. “Hit. My dad had a heart attack back in high school. Left him in a coma for a while. Then he had a cancer scare last year, so his immune system isn’t the strongest. I can’t risk taking anything back to him. J2.”

“I’m sorry to hear that… Hit.”

“Thanks. What about you?”

“C4. Kind of the same thing. My aunt has lived with us pretty much my entire life. She's pretty much my second mom. She’s diabetic, and a year ago she needed a kidney transplant. If she even gets so much as a cold, it could mess with her anti-rejection meds.”

He doesn’t get a response for a while and Blaine looks up to find Kurt staring at him. The other boy blinks, like he himself has just noticed his fixed gaze. 

“Um, hit…” he says, looking back down at his board. Blaine thinks he might see a hint of a blush crawling up Kurt’s neck. “J3.”

“Miss.”

“Miss? That’s impossible. J1 and I2 were misses.” Kurt snaps his head up, narrowing his eyes at Blaine, but there’s a playful light that wasn’t there earlier. “Are you cheating?”

“Maybe,” he teases, evading the question because it actually is a hit. In fact, it’s the winning move. “Maybe I just don’t want this game to be over so soon.”

For a moment, Blaine wonders if his comment was too close to flirtatious territory. But then he thinks, so what if it is? There was a reason he agreed to be set up with Kurt freshman year, and after half a conversation with him, Blaine is definitely intrigued, to say the least.

Kurt’s lips curl up into a smile. “Alright… I don’t want to go back to being bored either, so how about this? We each move one of the small pieces and the first one to get a hit wins.”

Blaine agrees, taking one of his small pieces off and moving it.

“I’ll start us off,” Kurt says. “You mentioned you had a brother. What about the rest of your family? A6.”

“Miss. I’ve only got the one, thank god, because he is a handful. My mom is a total goofball, gives the best advice. I love her to death. My dad is the essence of I hate everything except my family. He can be a total grump sometimes, but I know he’d do anything for us. G7. You?”

“Miss. I mentioned my dad. My mom passed away when I was eight.” Blaine’s eyes glaze over with sympathy. “She was… she was really something. I miss her everyday, but I’m also really grateful that my dad found someone as wonderful as my step-mom. They got married my Junior year of high school, and I got a brother out of it. He drives me up the wall sometimes, but I love the big lug.”

Kurt tells Blaine all about the ridiculousness of his high school show choir, his relationship with his dad, and the bullying he endured in high school. In turn, Blaine confesses some insecurities he has about being a musical theatre major, about how he absolutely adores his kooky aunt, and his love for harry potter.

The game takes longer to finish than it should since occasionally they get so deep into conversation that they forget about playing the game. Eventually, it’s nearly two am, and Kurt decides to call it quits.

“Alright,” he says. “I’m calling it. I’m never gonna fund that darn ship of yours.”

“You’re right about that,” Blaine agrees. Kurt had actually hit his piece about three turns in, but again… Blaine wasn’t ready to say goodnight yet.

Kurt snorts out a laugh and rises from the he’d, stretching his arms high over his head. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he groans.

Blaine has no idea what compels him to say this, but he does. “You don’t have to sleep in the living room.”

Kurt freezes and gives Blaine a look. 

“I just mean…” he swallows. “I’ve had the bed enough nights. Time to pay my dues. I can take the couch tonight.”

He hops off the bed before Kurt even has the chance to protest. 

“I… um, thanks,” he gives Blaine a shy smile. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, Kurt.” He returns the smile—more than just a nicety at this point—and turns around to head to the living room.

He can’t keep the dazed grin off his face when he pulls out his phone to text Sam.

Part 4

#klaine #glee #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #wow look at me im writing! #i honestly hate the format of tumblr but its too late at this point lmaoooo

[sammyhale]

J2 JIBCon 2018 Saturday Panel

Jared says he isn’t feeling so hot. Jensen: I think you look amazing.  

Jared on episode 22: We saw it in the wild! Jensen: You can just say everyday life lol. 

Jared: Believe in your fucking self - I love that shirt! 

Jared can’t stop looking at the monitor with his face on it lol. Jensen: Ignore it! You make a living with a camera pointed at your face! Jared: I can’t ignore it, I’m totally famous right now! :P Jensen put Jared’s jacket over it. 

Jensen: I think Dean always envisioned a warm and loving/caring and nurturing mother, so it was jarring to him seeing Mary in a different light when she came back. Sam was more accepting of Mary being a hunter. 

Jensen about Jared: You’ll have to excuse my friend. 

Fan: You’re beautiful. Jared: We are not. Jensen: Speak for yourself. 

Jared just took a fan and put it on his lower abs. 

If J2 were on Magic Mike, this fan wants them both to die- “I mean dance!” J2 crack up at her slip and Jared comes off stage to high five the fan. 

Jared: If there was a Magic Mike Changing Channels, I would get my dance on!

Fan asks J2 to tell each other what they find beautiful about one another. Jared: He has a wonderful tuft of hair and I can see it because I’m 6′4 and he’s a mere 6′1 lol. 

Jared: Jensen will as a friend, very uniquely, be able to tell Jared “dude, you’re better than this.” Basically, he likes that Jensen can tell him to up his game. Jensen holds Jared to a higher standard. He loves Jensen’s ability to remain who he is, that he can be real with him and call him out on his shit. Jared has very few friends that can do that.  

Jared: You know him as Jensen Ackles and Dean Winchester, I know him as Uncle Ackles, like my kids call him. 

Jensen: I wanted to say his chest but that sounds inadequate now lol. 

Jensen’s serious answer about what is beautiful about Jared: Says he has many qualities, but one is Jared’s “ability to liven and lighten and make a room better just by walking into it.” 

J2 keep bumping each other on the thigh for support. 

Jared: It’s so pretty - touches Jensen’s face. 

Fan: Which animals would you be? Jensen: I was told recently a wolf. Jensen says that Jared would be a bull. 

Jared and Gen set a trap to stop things eating their chickens and they caught a possum! Called him Mr. Possum. When Shep catches lizards they are always called Lizzie. 

Jared thinks he’d be an opossum. Jensen: Opossums play dead when in fear... That doesn’t apply and they also have a long tail, I don’t think so... Jared: Phhhh... 

Jensen keeps roaring and Jared just did it, too

Fan: I think you would be a bear, Jensen. Jensen: *growls like a bear* Jared: *growls like a tiger*

Jensen: I don’t think you’re rat-like. Jared: My tail is. Second wave of laughter over what might have a double meaning here lol. 

Jensen: How about a giraffe? Jared: I’m going with moose, man!

Fan chose lion for Jared to be. Jared: I love it. I’ll have news for you in a couple of days. 

Jensen: I had a fundamental issue with the fact that Dean left Sam when he died in 13x21. But it was too late to change the script. He thought it was doing a disservice to the character. He wasn’t quiet about it. 

Jared: I knew that Dean was gonna go back for his brother. 

Jared: I have an interesting perspective as the dead brother. I never doubted that Dean would go back, and he thought it was heartbreaking seeing Dean have no choice but to leave Sam behind even though he didn’t want to. 

Jared thinks Jensen did an awesome job showing Dean’s emotional state. Jared says it’s easier to play the bravado of wanting to go in guns blazing and Jensen was amazing in bringing Dean’s heartbreak in not being able to go back for Sam, in playing “I don’t wanna be anywhere but dead with my brother in that cave.” 

Silent conversations between J2. 

Jared: On the way in today we watched the gag reel, it was really good! Jared wants to show it but Jensen says no lol. 

Habits they’ve adopted from each other? Jensen about him and Jared: “We have adopted a short-hand language with each other.” They can read each other so well. In gag reels, you see it a lot. Derail with each other when it’s fun/prank time. 

Jensen: When he derails and starts pranking, I derail with him. And when I derail, he, instead of pulling me back on the rails, he just pushes me further and jumps off with me and we go off the tracks together! Jared: Wheee! 

They can read each other so well they don’t have to discuss things like improvising a scene. 

Jared: I Dean it up once in a while (when there’s a crowd of people and he’s trying to get through) and does a Dean face lol. Says Dean’s posture “toughens himself up” lol. 

Misha arrives for the brief J2M panel. He livestreams on the monitor: Sorry, I didn’t think you could see me! Jensen: We always see you, Misha, you livestream your entire life. 

Misha: Jared and Jensen were plucked off of playgrounds and told, you’re a star! Jensen: No, that’s not true at all. 

Jensen: Everything in life is a gamble but if you’re passionate about it, it’s worth it. Says there was a lot of rejection early in their careers as actors, but their passion for it made them push through. 

Jared: Do something that brings you joy every day. Says this industry can be very judgmental. Don’t listen to them, but make sure you do what makes you happy. “I’ve been in the business 18 years and sometimes I feel judged or less than. But just do what makes you happy and kick ass, and to hell with everybody else.” 

Misha read a book called Freakonomics that said you have the same amount of likelihood as being a successful drug dealer as you do being a successful actor. 

The hug from the last ep was changed a bit by J2. It was written as too light/happy/reunion-y, but J2 felt it needed to be more heavy because of what happened and the Lucifer problem. They felt the reunion would be unsatisfactory and fleeting because they still had work to do. “The satisfaction of it being over wasn’t there.” The hug was written for Jared and Jensen to add their interpretations, the writers usually don’t write those moments and trust them to find those moments. 

Jensen says Dean had mixed feelings about Sam’s return from the dead because his happiness was undercut by the fact that it was Lucifer who had brought Sam back. They never get the chance to just be happy in these moments because there’s always something ominous going on. 

Jensen: We aim to satisfy!

Fan: How does it feel to play another character other than Dean? Jensen: I haven’t really had the chance to play this character just yet, but I will. Says “ohhh it’s good!” 

J2 leave as Misha’s solo panel begins. 

Photo Credit: eeecat 

Info via: Maisie, Kelly, Ross, Fandomnatural, Sil’s livetweet list

#j2 #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #jibcon #jib9 #panel sum #long post #shpost

[incarnateirony]

Daaaaaaaamn, the antis are getting exponentially saltier aren't they? I guess it's frustrating to have your favorite TV show not progressing the you wanted it to, but the that dosen't justify that kind of behavior. It's just nasty and uncalled for.

It’s nasty, I guess, if you don’t learn to laugh at it. I only don’t laugh when they turn it against TPTB, like when the cereal boxtop club started bitchmoaning about Jensen, or when they hate tagged the baker and the PR girls to rant on about it. Only then does it become un-funny, but if nothing else I silver lining it with them not realizing how much they’re making a bad name to themselves to TPTB without any conscious reckoning of it.

It’s not even saltier, I think it’s genuinely mentally unhealthy at this point. And yes, I suppose it’s crude to laugh about that, but seeing as we can’t get them treated, medicated or removed from the sites until they threaten some kind of self-harm, it’s honestly just basic self care to laugh off how ridiculous it is rather than stress about it 24-7.

I mean, think about how much of it is even propelled by the J2 Hat lane. Most of their realities have closed in – in many ways, beyond the level even they know, but luckily for them they’ll probably never find out the specifics there; but they do see J2 growing “distant” (they’re still good friends, just on divergent paths and – gasp – individualizing while the show is – horror – diversifying); they recognize a lot of that narrative is crashing in, and realize that 10 years of their entire understanding of a show they dedicated themselves to (and argued against people about, with the others appearing more-right daily) is folding in.

(By process, as many of those people were also Destiel fans, rather than just TFW fans, they’re addressing their hostility in a blanket.)

Similarly their adjacent and overlapping lanes that have been pushed forward by their craziness without realizing it because they thought they were brother/J2 repping are watching this idea they collectively attached to with fervent dedication – that everybody has been telling them wasn’t the way of it anymore for YEARS – be painted out very vividly as Not All It’s About Anymore. Like, they’ve been told for years, but resisted it.

So now it’s turning into crazy amounts of lashing out in ways that look outright.. frothing. Like it’s not even just about Destiel. It’s about Misha, it’s about Alex, it’s about extended ensemble. Misha’s just the central target of that because he’s the longest lived and isn’t going anywhere soon, aside from more thickly into our content. Like yeah, J2 are the founding pillars of the show but that doesn’t mean it’s Only About Them and every single press gathering makes that more and more obvious as the message but they highlight the J2 line, plug their ears and scream LALALALA I AM NOT LISTENING and try to pretend the same articles aren’t talking about Three Leads or A Few Of Us At The Top Of The Call Sheet That All Keep Each Other In Check. They don’t even have avenues available lately to cherrypick media sources “safely” for their preferences, because the show really has no interest in giving it anymore or pandering to what’s ultimately a small subset. They can yell “pandering” about Misha all they want because they don’t want to accept that people who enjoy him are the majority and can’t fathom being in the minority or shallow end of the pool, but it’s not gonna change things.

Some have noticed that. Some have noticed a lot of this. The show isn’t slowing down in this direction and absolutely won’t. Hell, even if shit went to pot and fucking BuckLeming promoted to showrunner next, Eugenie’s fascinated by writing Lucifer and still enjoys poking at Cas, Buckner talks about the import in how deeply Misha’s integrated and our extended crews, they fridge characters but they also write a billion of them. And Eugenie’s the #1 “we can just bring them back” hoss. There’s no escaping this anywhere in the horizon.

Both Misha and the various EP words talked about the change from repetitive procedural structure to more vast expanses that diversified this show. It’s not changing. The smarter ones realize that and are just throwing things and shouting, and the uh, less smart ones are just picking up on their mass hysteria and joining in lashing out, like dogs that start barking because other dogs are barking.

But when we come down to my MHI issue on it, if they’ve aggressively built a more and more divergently out of date premise by which to view the show, many through tinhat lenses they transmit into real life – it’s forcing a fork in the road to get OTT in the “good” of real people they have wildly misled themselves into believing they’re fighting for, or cracking and addressing that they’ve literally been fanning wrong for a decade and they’ve reached a point where the version of the show they’ve negotiated through its entire course isn’t the intent of it at all. And if psychologically they aren’t willing or even able to reassess that, their options are go rabid or detach from it entirely, and many seem literally incapable of detaching. I mean, if they’ve been acting like asshole fools for years, were wrong, and turned their venom on real people and they have to address that and recognize that? Hoo boy.

God bless the internet that they can sit on the other side of a screen in a controlled echo chamber, I guess, and not have to be sat down and brought to terms with the ramifications of their own actions that long ago disenfranchised the better part of TPTB to them and a few quietly played nice toesies with to keep calm. But even that’s thinning out, no matter how many cupcake parties they throw them.

And someone will say you can’t Be A Fan wrong, but once you start not only tinhatting but turning guns on friends, family, and coworkers, only to be proven wrong time and again and again, you kind of can. Especially once you realize that world view is crumbling, and no matter how much you try to spackle it together it’s the entire foundation coming apart like the hard edge of a cliff about to break away with your property on top of it. “Caulk the cracks” isn’t going to work anymore. Sure, it might not fall today, it might not fall tomorrow, but every day we hear the groaning and the shifting and a few more pieces of earth go dropping off. That’s about where it’s at, and it’s a matter of how long until the duct tape snaps.

And that’s honestly kind of terrifying in reality, because that does seem like a pending inevitability. That all of this thrashing and barking they’re doing – while seeming to be more and more aware that TPTB has the majority of them muted or just deadass ignores them while engaging everybody else – all this rabble rousing to piss in fandom bins because they’re not being heard anywhere else – is just the groaning, not the actual fallout when it breaks.

#ask me anything #anti antis #fandom #wank for ts

[silver9mm]

I was tagged (months ago?) by my best bat-friend @exaggeratedspecificity to name 15 songs that I love, and I was really inspired by her emotional stories behind her choices so I thought I’d put a little effort into mine, too. 

But the thing is, when I start thinking back to songs that mean something to me, like super personally...well, sometimes I just don’t want to remember things. I got really sick when I was 11 and now it’s systemic and chronic, and it turned me schizophrenic starting about age 16 and that lasted for another 15 years. Music, literally, kept me alive. It was my best friend, the one thing I could trust. It was how I found validation for the fucked up things I was seeing and the way I felt. It’s how I spoke to the outside world---anyone who knew me then got at least one mix-tape from me, sometimes dozens. I would take lyrics and write stories about my friends with them. I had to go home and get lyrics down on paper instead of going to parties. When I rode the train cross-country, I lugged my 300 disc CD book the whole way, clutched to my chest. I kind of want to be buried with my headphones in but I’m a little worried I’ll wake up from being dead when the battery runs out.

Anyway, in the last few years...basically since I discovered Supernatural, music has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Life in general has changed. It’s better. It’s more fun, more interesting. I’ve found a creative outlet, and especially concerning music, I’m not slathering my experiences, my insanity, my feelings of loss and isolation and paranoia and confusion all over it. I’ve learned how to step outside my little fear-bubble and enjoy music from a whole new angle. So I thought, instead of going through my 130 gigs of music and forcing myself to think about those songs that I love for personal reasons and thus scratching at emotional scars and scabs of my real life, I’d do something more fun for me and pick my 15 favourite songs that exemplify my 15 long Supernatural fics, because since I’ve been writing, my life has improved by leaps and bounds and there’s not a single traumatic memory attached to the experience.

That was really long-winded.

With You by Matt Simons: This is from the soundtrack to Sense Of Life, which is my first published fic. I’m so glad I wasn’t really ‘in the fandom’ when I wrote this, because I never would have had the guts to write it if I’d known how much most shippers don’t like OFC. I would have worried too much about Mary-Sue’ing or whatever whatever. What I wanted to write about was giving the boys something to love, and then taking it away from them, because if they aren’t hurting, what’s the point? So I gave Sam a separated-at-six-months twin sister, and Dean a sick angel, then I gave them reasons to all get naked in a room together, because little did I know, Plot Productive Porn™ would be my go-to writing device. Anyway, looming over the whole fiasco is John Winchester’s A+ parenting, which sets this story up in the first place, and I was so gleefully fulfilled when I randomly heard this song somewhere while writing the fic. I was like, yesperfect.

My job to control you, darling, though I barely know you, hoping you grow tired and start giving in. Spout of holy water pour it on my only daughter maybe there's a shot she'll begin again. So wrong

Lucky With Disease by Elbow: I think this would be Crowley’s favourite band. That said, this is one of my most favourite wincestiel songs and is perfect for Wash It Away---the first fic I wrote, and it shows. A few OOC things, but I just went with what I picked up from the light smattering of gifs that had crossed my dash---I hadn’t even seen a single episode of the show yet. My least favourite fic, but still...it’s not terrible, and I love the dynamic of hurt-angry!Dean and fixer!Sam and Cas falling somewhere in between, willing to do whatever it takes to help. I definitely stuck to the first two characterisations for the rest of my writing. 

Fell like a crippled crow Spinning through and breaking branches I'm in a bad way Call my friends, they'll know what to do

Not as handsome as my brother But I've been lucky with disease

And yes, I'm a better friend Than I've ever been a lover And that's not saying much But I'm not saying much today

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless: In some different timeline, all I’m doing is writing Megstiel. But Never The Same is all I’ve managed and it’s typical---crazy!Cas and caretaker!Meg, bees, honey. Okay, honey as lube and bees around quivering nethers, but that ‘oh what the fuck okay fine’ sentiment is there that I always loved so much about Meg. 

I had everything Opportunities for eternity And I could belong to the night Then your eyes Your eyes I can see in your eyes Your eyes You make me wanna die I'll never be good enough You make me wanna die

Adolescence by Brown Bird: Rise Above It is my goriest fic to-date, and the sort of weird, sinister nature of this song seems perfect for it. Another wincestiel fic in the same vein of WIA but I think I got the characters down a little better. Dean can’t stand himself and thinks he hates Castiel for caring about him, and Cas, par for the course, makes things worse trying to make it better, but Sam knows just where to dig into the bloody mess to get it all right again. 

So long adolescence of the frightened soul You're entering the ritual Lay down your every fear upon the altar child Prepare to play the man's role

Stay strong the sound of screaming's just the sacred rite Of death begetting new life

We are here but for the grace of everything divine It's the providence that we must find

If (don’t ever blame yourself) by Last Days of April: People who can write early-season wincest are my heroes, okay. Dean’s a different animal now, isn’t he? I’m not even remotely suggesting he’s better one way or the other, just that he’s harder for me to grasp in the first couple of seasons. Harder for me to find his voice, and I can’t even say I really ‘got it’ with The Dawn Breaks...because I don’t fucking remember writing this fic at all. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s dark and dirty and Sam is toeing the line of making himself into the same monster that hurt Dean in the first place, but in the end, he pulls it off.

If it is hard to bear I'll hold the weight If there are things you ain't I'll compensate But you should never blame yourself Put the blame on everybody else 'cause they don't see what I see If no one understands I'll understand

Lovers’ Eyes by Mumford and Sons: ngl, the entire soundtrack for Becoming Less Defined is my favourite song. I fucking nailed it with these songs: perfect combo, perfect order, perfect atmosphere, but this song in particular showcases my particular obsessive trope here. I’m so fucking proud of this ’verse, and I’m climbing the walls to get back to it and finish it. I can’t leave omega-tainted!Dean and Wall-crumbled!Sam and sweet, insane omega!Jensen in limbo. I mean, there’s actual Purgatory to get to, after all. 

Were we too young, our heads too strong To bear the weight of these lovers’ eyes I feel numb beneath your tongue Beneath the curse of these lovers’ eyes But do not ask the price I pay I must live with my quiet rage Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead

Complicated Shadows by Elvis Costello: It’s hard to get Dean alone sometimes, but this song really conjures up that early-season hero that I was talking about before, and writing Turn In Early was supposed to be just a little jerk-off fic, some imaginative Deancest, but because I’m the worst, it’s all slathered in gentle pain. 

Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done You should've never have been playing with a gun In those complicated shadows Well there's a line that you must toe And it'll soon be time to go But it's darker than you know in those complicated shadows

John’s Star by The National: A reminisce fic, Dean’s B.S., 2001 is a rare moment of self-reflection for Dean, but he’ll only go so far back. I love the idea of Stanford-era!Dean, sidelined, a captive audience, listening to music he probably would never on his own terms, and hearing lyrics that just fucking hit home. There’s nothing explicit about this fic, no overt wincest, but it’s there, especially with songs like this.

I don't ever want you to come home again I don't want to hear your call, your voice in my room I am divine, my arms are stronger than rivers And when you feel that way, you want to feel that way again Forever

Once ruined, baby you stay ruined

Evidence by Faith No More: The sleaze that undercurrents all of Mike Patton’s music is perfect for Dress Me Down, a jealous!Jensen J2/Genevieve blackmail fic, because you can just hear Jensen lying to himself through the music. 

If you want to open the hole Just put your head down and go Step beside the piece of the circumstance You got to wash away the taste of evidence Wash it away Evidence, evidence, evidence Got to taste evidence I didn't feel a thing It didn't mean a thing Look in the eye and testify I didn't feel a thing Anything you say, you know you're guilty Hands above your head and you won't even feel me You won't feel me

Sedated by Hozier: I would normally pick Great Expectations by Elbow for this, but the dangerous, powerful carelessness of this song fits Something To Share just as well. Schizophrenic, self-destructive and self-harming!Sam and totally out of his depth!Dean make deals and promises to each other and I just really, really love this fic okay leave me alone I’m fine. 

You and I nursing on a poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it Somewhere for this, death and guns We are deaf, we are numb Free and young and we can feel none of it Something isn't right, babe I keep catching little words but the meaning's thin I'm somewhere outside my life, babe I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in So we're slaves to any semblance of touch Lord we should quit but we love it too much

Knock Me Out by Linda Perry: Back to my a/b/o ’verse with Between Two Minds, and we find poor Dean, omega-tainted and feeling like he can’t be loved, finally, finally starting to trust his little brother again.

You knocked me out You bit my lip You held me down and kept me sober Through all this time With no regret I guess that's just the way I liked it Maybe, when I'm free I'll realize all he really wanted To share all the peace Something I never wanted So wait, don't go Seems as though it's getting scary So please, don't you go

Feels Like by Buck 65: A song no one will listen to for a fic that no one reads. Dreamy, plinking piano for a fic that started out as a dream. My favourite artist with my favourite ending I’ve ever written. Give Buck and A Steep Fall a chance.

She found the lost boy, eyes that are crying closes Glad to be unhappy, boy gives her dying roses Ecstatic agony and nights of arousing glories Hungry hearts and hands that tell ten thousand stories Open wounds and the one word that filed under Her endless eyes have known hardship and wild wonder Kisses that cure and moments that cured the kiss Under a spell and maybe there's no words for this

I Drove All Night by Roy Orbison: The Mixtape Thing wasn’t supposed to be a fic, but I had to talk about why the songs were picked for the prompt ‘date night at the MoL Bunker’, and suddenly there was a sweet little wincest fic. Yeah, ‘sweet’. My fans were very surprised too. 

What in this world Keeps us from falling apart No matter where I go I hear The beating of our one heart I think about you When the night is cold and dark No one can move me The way that you do Nothing erases this feeling between me and you

Tell Me by Moby ft. Cold Specks: An alternative ending to BLD, But Then Again is the best thing I’ve written so far. J2/wincest/abo and so fucking full of angst and longing and good goddamn is it dirty. I’m so proud of it and myself for pulling it off, and even if I lose two more friends over it (i’m not bitter i’m very bitter), it’s still wonderful in my mind. 

Didn't have the heat I gave you memories Come deeper please I got nowhere to stay tonight Won't you make me stay? Keep your clear eyes on the prize And as I'm there Bring me to your knees

Baby Blue by Wolf Parade: Kill The Lights is the one unfinished fic on this list but I’m so close it counts. Fifty-nine songs to choose from. Five playlists. Over 100,000 words, and choosing one song to represent this brutal MCD fic is easy. Since it’s written from Sam’s POV, some of my favourite songs are the ones I imagine from Dean’s, and this is perfect. 

You're like a fool on fire To the water so blue I will come undone And I will run to you Sometimes we are an open flower Sometimes we are an open wound Sometimes we are a kind of echo chamber, wherein You're all fire and brimstone And I'm all that, too Burning blue for you

LISTEN

tagging @zmediaoutlet @omgbubblesomg @theboringprincess @chiisana-sukima @hazeldomain @indigoneutrino @dreamsfromthebunker  @bruisedmickey and anyone else who wants to do this (and if you’ve already done it, no worries ;) 

#ao3 #silver9mm #this is really long #but i really love music #and fic writing #so

[tinkdw]

so i ship destiel with all my heart. and i can't help but notice you're known for your positivity and how you think destiel is endgame which is absolutely refreshing. as a bisexual myself, jensen ackles in general towards the whole bi!dean and canon destiel makes me super upset. i understand the actors are entitled to their personal interpretations, but how do you still have hope after jensen literally saying to a fan that "destiel doesn't exist"?

So by now all conversations about destiel that i’ve seen from the cast/crew are either jokes or denial and after seeing Jensen once again denied it recently, my hope for endgame destiel just dwindled and i’m starting to think this is truly just queerbaiting. I need prescription please. Anything to get my hopes up :((

Hi, I’ve had a few asks about this so…I’m on mobile so this post will look a bit weird but here’s a link to a post more about the story side and why I think it’s endgame (I wrote this before 12x19 if I wrote it now I’d just be YELLING LOOK AT FREAKING 12x19!):

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/159858939602/you-are-one-of-the-only-people-i-could-find-that

But also re just the specific Jensen had a bad day moment:

1. these panels are mainly attended by BIBROS and j2 know that. they play to this audience. When you see him at Jibcon with Misha (and Jared too) he is way more open, comfortable, having fun than at a lot of creation panels I see - he is only HUMAN and is quite private from what I can tell, doesn’t particularly like engaging with the rabid fans and is just looking for an easy way out of the attention a lot of the time.

2. Jensen looks pretty bored and disengaged during this panel, he probably had a bad day, he is not in a happy place. I think someone pushed his buttons wrongly and he flipped out.

3. Jensen often seems to think that Destiel means that Dean and Cas are secretly screwing, that there is a hidden relationship. he doesn’t see it as we do, that it is a fledging love that hasn’t happened yet. He sometimes thinks the fan art and stuff is cute and/or funny, sometimes he reacts badly and is anti shippy- he is human and sometimes he has bad days and for some “reason” he is touchy on this subject… hmm I wonder why! (Hint: destiel exists because of cockles). This is my opinion but i think most people seem to think he thinks that way from what he has said over the years so in that sense he is RIGHT to say Destiel doesn’t exist, because it isn’t an on screen canon romantic relationship yet with love declarations and kissing. Especially when he’s in a BAD MOOD!

4. if destiel was a thing that was going to be canon and in the script NONE of the actors or anyone on the show could tell us as it would be a huge plot point and probably is written in their contracts that they CANNOT say it is happening.

5. jensen is an actor. he ultimately does as he is told e.g. Being forced to do the scene about Dean liking taylor swift in season 10 when he said no - when it is CORE to the script and show, yes he sometimes makes small changes, but when push comes to shove and it is a big plot point, he has to do it and has done. He also sometimes seemed to not get performing/real dean which is hilarious - but I think someone’s sat him down since as he acts it pretty bang on these days.

6. jensen and misha have chemistry. regardless if you ship cockles or not destiel exists because of their chemistry and the fact that AFTER that was noticed it was written into the script. so jensen maybe sees destiel as an attack on his personal sexuality. he is EXTREMELY private so people questioning this in public makes him angry. when he is angry he lashes out and says stupid shit. not only about destiel but other stuff too.

7 Everyone KNOWS it exists in the show. They play the characters doing the stupid shit they do. they know. Jensen miming blow jobs, falling off his chair when a fan says Misha always has to play it so straight, ‘fake’ making out with him on stage at cons etc. if anything it just proves to me even more that it is real and endgame and they know it when jensen says stupid stuff like this because it is clearly NOT true. So its deflection and he’s just playing to the audience, he’s had a shitty day, he can’t talk about it and …. he’s just generally pretty crap at PR! He probably got in trouble for the whole “eye opener” thing, Mishas gotten in trouble for publicly shipping Destiel in the past and now is pretty silent on the matter - it’s no surprise Jensen reacts badly sometimes he’s human.

i mean I always caveat that I am endgame destiel positive and all of season 12 makes me think that they are aiming for this and God WHAT EVEN IS 12x19 IF IT DOESNT EXIST?!

The writing is the key thing for me - NOT what the actors say. You know if they keep this up and destiel is written as endgame and Jensen and misha keep eye fucking each other etc but Jensen somehow manages to put his foot down (which I doubt he would be able to anyway or want to - it would be professional suicide just before finishing this show and wanting to go do something else!) - and he refused to kiss him or whatever, they just end with an arm round the shoulder and a clearly written “this is them together” - that’s fine because it’s still canon! but I highly doubt he would do that.

SO unprofessional and stupid after all this!

I don’t think it is 100% FOR SURE that it will happen, there is still the possibility that a production thing or whatever could stop it.

But it IS written into the script, so I doubt it, as we are getting close to endgame, and more and more now, it feels to me since Dabb took over he decided hey we are doing this. Every episode pretty much since mid s11 has had more Destiel fodder and now it feels like it’s basically just a matter of time. Jensen and Misha DO play it that way and some stuff is just….so romantic they MUST freaking know now but they just can’t come out and tell people. ITS A MAJOR SPOILER!!!

so.. that is why I’m tentatively positive.

#asks #endgame destiel #destiel #pr is not showrunning #destiel negativity