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traxxmatic · 2 years

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live a little

@dulceamar new year fic collab

(that is unfinished, not proof read, and 9 months late)

taehyun x hueningkai x reader

smut | warnings: UNFINISHED (summary for ending at the end), gn!reader, sub!kai, tyun and reader are both doms?, oral (male receiving), alcohol consumption, tyun watches | word count: 3668 (give or take)

this wasn’t what you had hoped for. this was, actually, the worst possible outcome. remember when people told you to “hope for the best” and “not focus on the bad possibilities?” yeah, well that was total bull shit.

it’s stupid, really; how you stopped being friends with taehyun and hueningkai. you’ve known them since middle school. they were always the ones you gravitated towards. while all the other kids drew penises on the gym walls, you three actually… weren’t menaces to society? sure, you and kai weren’t the perfect students (while taehyun was getting straight A’s), but none of you did shit to get on your teachers nerves. you payed attention in class, did the homework, and didn’t skip class. yeah, you were pretty average students, but compared to the other immature kids around you, kai and hyun were your saving grace. they really… got you? you were all a bit more mature compared to other kids your age. they stuck with you to high school. again, some pretty immature idiots surrounded you three, which made your bond even stronger. when you think about it really, each of you individually excelled where the other two lacked. taehyun always tried to help you and kai get better grades.

“thanks, but no thanks. im just gonna do the homework and hope for the best on the final,” you said packing your things to head home for the day.

“same. maybe if inspiration strikes i might study a little bit, but let’s be honest, that’s not gonna happen,” kai said as he followed your actions.

“whatever. when you both get C’s on your finals don’t come crying to me,” taehyun said walking away from your desks.

you would always try to get taehyun to be more daring; ya know, be a teenager.

“come on, hyun. seriously, what could possibly go wrong,” you tugged on taehyuns sleeve.

“what could possibly go wrong?!” taehyun stared at you and kai with wide eyes. “kai you’re going with them? you’re asking me to go to an abandoned water park. you know what could go wrong? let’s see… there could be dangerous animals and bugs that could kill us. there could be infectious materials that could send us to the hospital. there could be… NO! there WILL be lots of bacteria that could possibly give us diseases-“

“whatever! kai and i will go by ourselves then,” you cut taehyun off, tired of hearing his logical excuses.

“fine. i’ll go with you.”

“i thought you just said you wouldn’t go?!” you yelled as you hit taehyuns arm.

“well i don’t want to feel left out. but if you and kai end up doing some stupid shit while we’re there i swear to god-.”

kai was in touch with his soft side, and was always there for you and taehyun whenever you needed help emotionally.

“kai…” you sniffled watching kai put his earbuds in so he could hear you better.

“y/n… it’s three in the morning? what’s wrong bub?” you could see you woke kai up with your facetime call, which made you begin to cry again.

“i’m sorry for waking you… i can talk about this when you wake up later if you want...”

“no, no. it’s okay, trust me. i don’t know what’s going on. you can tell me everything, or nothing if you want. just know that im here whenever.”

overall, you three were the perfect matches. how could you ever be separated? how could you stop being friends with each other?

well, to put in simply, once you all made it to college you sorta just… fell apart? your schedules never matched up with all of you having jobs and different class schedules. little by little, each of you started to gain new friends.

new friends who’s schedules matched with yours.

new friends who didn’t click as well as taehyun and kai did.

new friends who you weren’t undeniably in love with.

you don’t know when it started. from what you can remember, you came to terms with your crushes on both taehyun and kai around 11th grade. you weren’t sure whether you liked them separately… or together. does that even make sense? your feelings are… weird. you weren’t sure if you would be satisfied with dating just one of them. you wanted both, but not in a cheating sort of way? as an 11th grader, you had no clue what your feelings were. you had no idea if they were normal, if they had a name; all you knew was you wanted to date both of your best friends. now, as a sophomore in college, you understood your feelings. you came to terms with your feelings. you just realized too late. you were polyamorous, yes, but you had lost the boys you were in love with.

——————

you didn’t want to go to a new years party. at least, that’s what you told yourself. your ‘friends’ forced you to go though, telling you “it will be fun,” and “it will be good for you to go out and live a little.”

‘live a little.’ reminds you of your days forcing taehyun to be a bit more risky in life.

“fine. i’ll go.”

you hated how the conversation reminded you so much of kai and taehyun. you hated how much you sounded like taehyun right now. weren’t you the one who used to beg others to go do things? what happened?

——————

just like you imaged, this party wasn’t all very ‘fun.’ your ‘friends’ are all drunk and are no where to be found.

‘they’re all probably sleeping with people by now.’ it was only 10, but you wouldn’t be surprised. the party is, huge to say the least. it’s being held at the biggest frat house you have ever seen, and you’ve seen quite a few movies with college parties. a three story house with a huge pool in the back, base-boosted music played both inside and outside. yup, it’s just like the movies.

you sat on the stairs connecting the second and third floors, red solo cup in hand. hey, might as well enjoy the free drinks while you’re here. with no one to talk to, you scrolled on your phone, trying to ignore the couple making out just a few feet in front of you. best part about this frat house: the amount of bedrooms. the couple would likely be occupying one in no time.

“the music they play here is awful,” you mutter to yourself unconsciously.

“i know right.”

well you definitely weren’t expecting a reply. you look up quickly in shock to see taehyun. your eyes widen, not expecting to see him at all, let alone at a party.

“i didn’t think you would be one for parties mr. kang.” you try not to let your nervousness show. you didn’t want to make things awkward between you two. sure, it’s only been a few months since you last talked, but it’s felt like forever. plus, your feelings are still very strong for both kai and taehyun. just seeing him makes your heart rate speed up.

“oh trust me, im not. but someone i used to know used to tell me to ‘live a little’ all the time. i figured i would give it a try.” his shoulder was resting against the wall, and he, too, had a red solo cup in his hand. “do you mind if i have a seat?”

you shook your head and put your phone away. taehyun sat an awkwardly far distance away, but you don’t blame him. at this point, you wouldn’t be surprised if taehyun is a whole different person from when you last spoke. college can really do that to you; give you a reality check. who you truly are, who you want to hang around, what your intentions in life are. it all happens so fast once you enter college.

“have you spoken to kai recently?” you’re genuinely curious about kai. you miss him like hell. you’ve felt very… down lately, to say the least. you don’t feel like yourself around the people you now call your ‘friends,’ and you miss being able to rant to kai. you really wish he was still in your life.

“actually, i have. he’s here, at the party. when did you last speak to him?” taehyun took a sip from his cup, looking into your eyes. you unconsciously began to stare back. his eyes are so beautiful and captivating. it felt like once you began staring you could never look away. something about his eyes tonight… they were different. they were, darker?

“is this a bad time to interrupt?” you quickly looked away from taehyuns eyes at the sound of another voice speaking to you. you look over to see the the man of the conversation, hueningkai.

‘jesus fucking christ the universe must really hate me right now,’ you thought to yourself. as if it couldn’t get any faster, your heart starts to feel as if it will beat out of your chest at any moment.

“nope, we were just talking about you,” taehyun replies.

“ah i see. i hope it was all good things. mind if i join you two?”

you didn’t notice that you were staring until kai turned his gaze away from taehyun and towards you. you quickly begin shaking your head.

“please, go ahead.” you can definitely hear your nervousness in your voice now.

kai sits down two stairs in front of you and taehyun, moving his body so his legs rest on the same step to make looking at you two easier. an awkward silence rises between you three. just as you were about to try and break it, kai beats you to it.

“i miss you guys. like, a lot. the people i hang out with now just aren’t the same as you guys. i really wanna try to hang out together again.”

it was shockingly straight forward, but you felt the same way.

“same.” you look over at taehyun who’s eyes are glued to kai. it seems like kai was under the same sort of spell you were, because they both stared into each other’s eyes until you spoke.

“yeah. i didn’t want to make it all awkward but i fucking miss you guys.” kai and taehyun snap out of their dazes and look at you. you aren’t sure who to look at, so your eyes switch from between the two. like taehyun, kai’s eyes where different than usual. they gave off the same aura that taehyuns did. dark, sultry, and somewhat full of lust. you’re unsure as to whether it was your feelings, your arousal, or your 4th drink telling you their eyes were different, but god did they both look good. you could tell taehyun had worked out a lot more lately, his biceps bigger than from when you last saw him. kai had bleached his hair, and honestly, it looked really good on him. you tried to push down your feelings while in the conversation, but when they both looked so good, it was impossible.

——————

you’re unsure how you got here, but after a few more drinks, you, taehyun, and kai were playing a game of truth or dare. it was to ‘catch up’ as you had put it, or, as the 7th cup of whatever alcohol you had put it. you hoped it would go as planned. everyone says that a game of truth or dare starts off boring, but as time goes on it gets spicer. god, did you hope that applied here.

you spun the empty bottle on the step no one sat on. taehyun.

“truth or dare?” you asked looking from the bottle to taehyun.

“truth. let’s test the waters before we go picking dare,” he said leaning his back against the railing and crossing his arms.

“alright but i warned you, i’m not asking any wimpy questions,” you also leaned back into the wall, giving him a small smirk. “have you slept with anyone in the last few months?”

you could hear kai lightly choke on his drink, clearly surprised by your question. your eyes never left taehyun though. you watched as his eyebrows initially raised at the question, but he quickly put a smirk on his lips.

“i have.”

you’re unsure what you were hoping to hear, but you’re sure it wasn’t that. your heart slightly broke hearing his words, but another sip of your drink and that feeling went away. you played off your feelings with a laugh.

“damn. cocky now, are we?” the sly grin returning to your face. all taehyun did was chuckle before reaching down to spin the bottle. kai.

you both look down at kai to see him blushing like crazy. like yours earlier, kai’s eyes switched between you and taehyun. he looked very… small.

“alright, kai. truth or dare?” taehyun’s tone was slightly seductive in a way. his head rose slightly as if to intimidate kai.

“u-uhm… truth.” you could hear the nervousness in kai’s voice, now.

“are you still a virgin?” taehyun moved his upper body to come closer to kai’s face, kai’s cheeks becoming even redder.

“y-yah! what kind of question is that… yes.” the last word came out like a whisper, but it was audible. kai couldn’t look at taehyun in the eyes anymore, his face moving down, eyes suddenly finding his drink very interesting.

you watched the entire scene play out, unsure whether to be jealous, joyous, or extremely turned on.

“my turn,” kai suddenly bursted out.

he quickly spun the bottle. y/n. how perfect, everyone gets a turn.

“truth or dare?”

you looked both boys in the eyes; “dare.”

taehyun whistles, breaking eye contact with you. “you always have to be the dare devil, don’t you?”

you smile at what you took as a compliment.

“uhm, i don’t know… i dare you to… kiss taehyun?”

both you and taehyun look at kai with wide eyes.

“w-what. was that a bad dare?” kai’s eyes also widened, the blush that had left his cheeks returning.

“no, it wasn’t,” you hear taehyun say. you look to see him smirking at you again. “let’s see if the dare devil is up for the challenge.”

oh this boy. you mirrored his smirk and leaned your head forward, raising your eyebrows to challenge him. taehyun followed in moving his head forward, your faces now inches apart. before you knew it, you crashed your lips onto taehyun’s. your lips moved rhythmically against his, his soft lips feeling so good against yours. you placed down your drink and moved your arms to wrap around his neck, moving your body closer to his to get into a more comfortable position. his tongue swept your bottom lip, and you granted him access to explore your mouth. your tongues danced around one another, your lips still moving perfectly against one another. you both ran out of breath too soon for your liking, breaking the kiss with a string of saliva attaching your lips. panting, you look into taehyun’s eyes as they seemed to be even darker than before. you look over to see kai, mouth parted slightly, eyes seemingly in a daze. you cleared your throat to catch his attention. he slightly shook his head at the sound, eyes snapping between you and taehyun.

“did that satisfy you, kai?” you asked half innocently and half teasingly.

more blush came onto kai’s cheeks as he nodded, eyes again finding his drink more interesting than anything else in the world.

“good.” you smirked as you grabbed the bottle and spun it again. kai.

“kai,” you started, his eyes looking up into yours. “truth or dare?” now your voice was seductive. you’re unsure where the night was taking you, but damn you weren’t regretting your actions one bit.

“truth,” he quickly spat out.

“oh come on, kai. remember what i told you about living a little. why don’t you pick dare?”

“fine… dare then, i guess…” you could hear the uneasiness in kai’s voice as he obliged.

“relax, kai. you know i won’t make you do anything crazy. how about you return the favor, hm? let me watch you kiss taehyun.” you need to take some of this alcohol home, because god was it making you feel extremely confident right now.

you could see kai swallow as his eyes widened again. you looked over at taehyun to see him staring at you, the smirk seemingly never leaving his lips. he looked over at kai who was now looking at him.

“you heard them,” taehyun raised his eyebrows as he spoke. “come here baby.” taehyun lowered himself onto the step kai was sitting on. he began to lean in as he watched kai’s eyes flutter shut. taehyun brought his free hand around the back of kai’s head, pushing kai forward for their lips to meet. kai’s eyes flew open at the action, but quickly closed them again when the kiss found a rhythm. was it normal to get this turned on watching two men make out, or is it just because the two men were also your crushes? taehyuns fingers grasped kai’s hair, the action making kai whimper quietly. the kiss was over too soon again, taehyun and kai breaking the kiss to catch their breaths. taehyun’s arm fell from kai’s hair to rest of his shoulder, the two smiling as kai quickly looked away.

“such a nice show you put on for me,” you said, sounding more seductive than ever. taehyun moved his body back to his original spot on the stairs.

“let me go.” taehyun moved his hand to spin the bottle. y/n.

“the dare devil again. are you willing to live up to your name?”

“of course. dare.” you weren’t sure what battle was going on between you and taehyun, but you sure weren’t going to lose it.

“well since everyone except for me got a show, i think it’s time i get one. i dare you to give kai head.”

this was going way better than expected. both you and kai were shocked at taehyun’s words, but kai was definitely more embarrassed about the dare.

“yah! w-when did i ever agree to this dare,” kai tries to retaliate.

“please kai, your boner isn’t doing a very good job at hiding itself. don’t you want a bit of help from our friend y/n. or do you not want their pretty lips wrapped around you?”

taehyun’s dirty words made kai shiver. sweat could visibly be seen on kai’s forehead. he quickly tried to cover his bulge with his hands, the bulky solo cup coming to his advantage.

“w-where would they even be able to do that? there’s no way we’re doing that on the stairs.”

now you lowered yourself onto the same step as kai. you wrap your arms around his neck, the same way you did to taehyun.

“baby boy, there’s a reason this house is so popular for parties. there’s so many bed rooms.” you slowly brought your face closer to kai’s until your noses were touching. he let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes, expecting you to kiss him. instead, you grabbed his hand and quickly pulled him up, guiding him up the stairs. you found the nearest bedroom with an open door, pushing kai inside and stepping in, yourself. you waited for taehyun to enter the room before you closed the door and locked it. you slowly walked over to kai, placing your hands on his chest and moving them up behind his head. you pressed your lips against his. his lips were different than taehyun’s. kai’s lips were plumper, making sucking on them so addicting. his kiss was different too. kai submitted so easily. his tongue didn’t fight for dominance like taehyun’s. he let you take control. you walked forward, pushing kai until he stopped. knowing he met the mattress frame, you softly pushed him, but enough to make him fall back onto the mattress. you got on your knees and slowly began taking off kai’s belt. you could feel him grow more impatient by the second. after you removed his belt, you slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. with every extra second you took, you could feel kai grow needier. you removed his jeans, keeping his boxers on as an excuse to tease longer. you softly palmed kai’s member through the fabric, a long moan escaping his lips.

“p-please.” kais eyes looked into yours helplessly.

“you’re so needy baby. don’t worry, you’ll get what you want eventually, as long as you’re a good boy. will you be a good boy for me?”

the boy nodded quickly. ‘how cute,’ you thought. you removed kais boxers to reveal his long dick. the tip was red and angry, clearly in need of some attention.

“who knew the innocent, sweet kai would have such a big dick? you probably don’t even know what to do with this thing.” you quickly took the tip into your mouth, earning a mix of a moan and whine from kai. you kitten-licked his slit, causing more incoherent sounds to leave kais lips. soon, you began bobbing your head slowly, fitting as much of his dick as you could into your mouth. kai grew louder from this, not seeming to care if someone walked by and heard. not like they could if they tried; the loud, terrible music had one good quality: it was loud.

taehyun was sitting on the desk chair watching the whole scene play out. his legs were spread open as he palmed his dick through his pants. he loved the sounds kai was making. he loved how dominant you were. he loved the faces kai made when you did something he liked. he loved how you teased and toyed with kai. taehyun loved this scenario. he loved watching the two people he was in love with be so dirty for his enjoyment.

“y/n… please- i need more-“ kai could barely get any words out.

——————

i never finished this im so sorry.

the original plan was to make this a SUPER SLOW BURN but as i kept writing that plan changed to make it so it was quick and simple. i was going to end this where they all wake up the next morning and confess to each other and become a throuple!!

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 3 years

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bakugou thoughts pt 2001847471 :)))

- if u go to the park, and somebody is like, walking their dog n the animal barks at y’all??? bakugou is barking back. mans full on squares up, n barks at the dog until it backs off

- he rarely gets into shows/series, but when he finds one he likes, he’ll only watch the first few episodes and then make u watch the rest with him. he’ll always say sum “if i dont watch with you, then i gotta make extra time for your needy ass. ‘m prioritizing my fuckin’ time. it doesn’t mean anything, shut up.” ...... he’s lying. it does mean something. it means he wants to share the things he likes with u

- pls he’s so smart, and generally pretty aware, but sometimes he’ll just do something so duMb. like, u kno that thing that happens sometimes with hair?? like, when it sticks to ur fingers and no matter what u do, u can’t get it off?? bakugou is literally breaking his wrist a foot away from u, shaking his hand back and forth and cursing soooo loudly. u just gotta go up to him and gently remove the hair from him like “oh honey- no.”

- peanut gallery comments. lots of them. mans will sit fully dead silent, not talking for the whOle day, but the second u do something embarrassing?? like trip??? suddenly he has a LOT to say ..... smh men

- animals just always like him. its absolutely unexplainable bc he’s so loud n moves super suddenly,,, but the amount of street animals that follow him home is ridiculous. srsly. sometkmes he even has other people’s pets trying to follow him home

- respects absolutely no one n that somehow strangely makes him the most respectful u’ve ever seen??? like- he hates everyone the exact same so u won’t ever catch bakugou in an act of discrimmination

- he can’t draw at all but if u asked him to draw something, it’ll be the same skull every single time. it’s a good skull, but it’s soooo obvious he learned how to draw it from a tutorial in the midst of his emo phase

- will fully make fun of others for baby-talking around their s/o, n then just fully go home n look at you like “tired.” “hungry.” “kiss.”...... like okay baby man, maybe try putting a full sentence together before u start trying to run your mouth. hypocrite.

- probably sleeps like the dead. contrary to popular belief, i absolutely do not believe he’s up at every single noise. man’s could sleep thru an explosion, im sure of it. that being said tho, it’s probably actually hard for him to turn his brain off n fall asleep. he prob goes to bed so “early” bc he has to wind down for a good hr or two until he’s ready to actually sleep

- he’s got a vendetta against salespeople. like, if his phone rings with some bullshit about a product? if somebody, god forbid, tries to walk up to your door? fully frothing at the mouth annoyed. will chew out any employee who’s too underpaid not to listen to him

- eats like an absolute animal. no rlly, its bad. holds his spoon with a fist and digs at his meal like its the gold rush. the worst table manners you’ve ever seen rlly

- he gets sorts antsy if he sits for too long, so he’s always off doing random shit. like, u’ll look out the window n he’s just like, raking the .3 leaves from ur driveway, probably trying to guess where the wind will be so they wont blow back

- ik this with my heart and soul okay,,, bakugou has never had a conversation with u that wasnt from exactly .2 meters away. like,, if he’s comfortable, then he’s just close all the time. like he’s waving his hands around and yelling and you just have to take his face in ur hands and go “im literally right here. ily but pls tone it down for the sake of my hearing.”

- very much guard dog behavior when y’all go out. absolutely will not leave ur side for even a second, like, at a bar or during a concert. even if u go to the bathroom he’s like, leaning against the wall and waiting right outside the door

- gets absolutely bitchy about your phone blowing up while you’re hanging out. its not that he’s suspicious that ur, like, cheating on him, it’s just that he doesnt understand why u’d even leave ur phone on in the first place since he always has his turned off when ur around. if he gets annoyed enough he’ll fully take the phone out of ur hands, say sum “yeah, you don’t fuckin’ need this anymore. you’re done with this.” n toss it across the room while he kisses u senseless

- tbh his ultimate love language is 100% playfighting. v much would go heart eyes if u even seemed like u might try n wrestle him. obvi u dont win, but his favorite is how u laugh while he pins ur hands above ur head

- he sneers at other angry people. will fully, fully sit there like “jesus christ, they need to calm the hell down. annoying as shit- fuckin’ loud too.” ....... -i. who’s gonna tell him

- silent conversations with ur eyes. no rlly. if y’all are with friends and somebody says something questionable, bakugou is immeadiately turning to u, eyes hardly even shifting but u just know he’s hurling insults in his head

- he doesnt realize his own strength sometimes. like- he knows he’s strong, but if u ever open a door n ur like “woah, careful, this is heavier than it looks” bakugou is .2 steps behind u practically ripping the damn thing off it’s hinges. he’ll look at it, huffing like he doesn’f even understand the issue

- he rlly likes when u call him by his name. pet names are fine, but he srsly is super soft for the simple stuff. like when u look over at him, all excited, smile wide like “hey katsuki, u gotta see this! c’mere!”

- his road rage is severe. no rlly. bakugou drives like every day is a race n he’s one win away from going formula one. you’re pretty sure that the only reason he passed his license test is bc the instuctor was too terrified to tell him no

- bakugou probably does that thing where if you’re sitting on the counter top, watching him cook, he’ll stand between ur legs. hands on ur thighs or resting on ur hips while you tell him about your day

- can’t explain this one, but he doesnt kill spiders. he takes them outside. says sum “they eat ticks, idiot. what- you actually want a fuckin’ blood disease? Hah? ‘m not gonna kill it. motherfucker’s gotta earn his keep before dyin’ just like the rest of us.” while he v gently picks the spider up into his hand and walks it outside

- ik that his one cheat food is sugary cereal. like, he’s a health freak, but the one thing he can’t help but make a concession for is sugary cereal on the weekends

- he’ll sometimes get in this over-stimulated mood where everything pisses him off, n the only thing u can do is leave him alone. u learn this quick bc his anger doesn’t discrimminate and if u push him even after he tells u what’s up?? pls bakugou will lash tf out. at u. like, ik y’all like to write it but that whole “it’s okay- it’s just me. just look at me.” thing does not work with him,,, u literally gonna get merc’d if u try

- he’s probably a guy who’s gonna be super big on passing touches. like he drops his hand on ur head when he passes, or bumps his shoulder into urs when he laughs. no footsies tho. too sappy even for him- pls if u tried to initate that he’d crush ur toes under the table aHAHAHA

- feeds every street cat he comes across. is probably super fond of the ones with a bunch of scratches/scars on them. he’d die if u knew, but one time u caught him feeding a scratched up calico n going “bet u beat his stupid ass, right? that’s my girl. we always win, huh?”

—/—

surprise suprise,, my brain rlly never shuts the hell up about this man

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha fic #mha bakugou #bakugou headcannon #bakugou hcs #mha headcannons #mha hcs

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stormcrawler75 · 4 years

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if it hasn't been done yet (re the bad things happenbingo) could I ask for either amputation or damaged wing(s) with Remus please? I love what you've done with the prompts so far

Warnings: Amputation, hospitals, diseases, talk of surgery.

Characters: Remus, Patton, mentions of Roman, Logan, Virgil, and Janus.

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Hospitals smelt like absolute, sterilized shit.

Remus couldn’t fucking stand hospitals. Just the smell alone made Remus want to stay far away from hospitals for his entire life. Like, Remus got it. The people who worked there saved lives and the world would probably die without them. But Remus really hated hospitals. Maybe the problem was that they didn’t get enough money? Or that usually only shitty things happened at hospitals? Or maybe because of how many times Remus had been in one recently and he had only gotten shitty fucking news?

Whatever. No matter the reason, hospitals were still at the top of Remus’ shit list at the moment.

Plus, the gowns were itchy. Though, that might just be Remus’ opinion. He currently had one tied around in and was lying in a bed, waiting impatiently for the stupid kiddie clock - which was actually pretty cool because it was shaped like an octopus - hung on the opposite wall to hit three o’clock. Remus was so ready for this to be over with so he could go back home. Roman had promised to make whatever he wanted for dinner when Remus came back and Remus was so craving pancakes with cheese sauce.

Remus sighed and glanced over at his Dad, who was sitting next to him and reading a battered old Highlights magazine. “How much longer,” he whined, giving Patton his best pout. “We’ve been waiting here forever!”

“We’ve been waiting here for two hours, Sweetie,” Patton said gently, putting the magazine down on his knee. He glanced at the clock hanging opposite from them. “Well, it looks like you only got about twenty more minutes to go, Hon. Are you nervous?”

The question had been asked so many times by so many people lately that Remus could barely manage a scoff. “Me? Nervous? Nah, not at all! Hey, it’ll be pretty cool, if you think about it!” He forced a gasp and grabbed Patton’s wrist. “Do you think they’ll film it? Could I watch it later!?”

Patton laughed and shook his head fondly. “I don’t think so, Kiddo. But I’ll ask your doctor, okay? But if we do get it then no showing your siblings, okay? Especially don’t let Virgil catch you watching it, he would have nightmares for weeks. He’s already so worried about today.”

Remus’ jaw clenched at the memory of his two-year-old brother sobbing just a few hours ago and trying to cling to Remus’ hand. Virgil hated hospitals just as much as Remus and, unlike Remus, he didn’t have the maturity and wisdom that Remus had to understand why he hated them or remember just how long he had spent there as a baby. “He doesn’t have any reason to worry,” Remus spat, hating the pit of fear that was growing in his gut. “The doctors said that this is the best option for me and even if I’ll have to do therapy and stuff, I should be just fine.”

“Oh, Honey, he’s only a toddler, he doesn’t understand what’s happening,” Patton said gently, taking Remus’ hand and squeezing it. “All he understands is that his big brother is in pain and is going away to a scary place and is going to come back without one of his legs. He’s much too young to know what osteomyelitis is.”

“I’m fourteen and I don’t even fully understand what this stupid disease is,” Remus muttered, crossing his arms. So many people had tried explaining it to him and all Remus fully understood was that some stupid fungi had injected his right leg bone and they had caught it so late that amputation was the only option. “But I know that he shouldn’t be worried. It’ll be fine and he didn’t need to be crying so much. Logan and Roman weren’t crying.”

And, no, Remus wasn’t disappointed that Logan and Roman - old enough to understand what was happening - didn’t cry like Virgil had or looked worried. Not that there was any reason to be worried but it would’ve been nice for them to pretend to be worried!

Patton squeezed his hand again, looking down at him sympathetically. “Trust me, kiddo, they were crying plenty last night. Logan’s been looking up the operation ever since he learnt what you have and Roman is so scared about his twin. They were trying to be strong for you, that’s-”

“But there’s no reason to be worried,” Remus cried, throwing out his arms in frustration. “There isn’t, I’m going to be fine and there’s no reason for anyone to worry!” His eyes were filling with sudden tears and his jaw trembled with the force of keeping them back. “I-I’m gonna come home and annoy everyone a-and t-they don’t need to worry ‘bout me cause I am gonna be f-fine!” He sobbed and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, images of all the things that could go wrong flashing through his mind.

Arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him forward until he was leaning against his dad’s chest. “Shhh, shhhh, you’re okay, you’re going to be okay,” Patton cooed, rubbing a hand up and down Remus’ back. “You’re gonna be fine, kiddo.”

“They’re gonna take my leg,” Remus sobbed, gripping Patton’s shirt so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. “D-don’t let them take my leg, don’t let them, Papa!”

“Oh, Kiddo,” Patton sighed, resting his cheek on the top of Remus’ head and holding him close. “Sweetheart, I wish I could stop them from taking your leg. If I could, I’d take this infection and put it in my own leg so you wouldn’t have to lose yours. But I can’t, Sweetie, and I’m so sorry. And I know this is very scary but I’ll be right outside the room the entire time. And I’m going to buy you the best prosthetic that money can buy, I promise.”

Remus sniffled and he rubbed at his eyes, looking up at Patton sadly. “O-one with some design?”

Patton gave him a wobbly smile and nodded, kissing Remus’ forehead. “I’ll buy you two. A plain one and one with any design that you want on it. We’ll do it together, okay baby?”

“Okay,” Remus sniffled, leaning back against Patton and closing his eyes. “...How long now?”

“...Two minutes.”

Remus’ breath hitched and he fought back the urge to vomit. It’d be hilarious but then they’d have to wait even longer for this surgery to take place. “I’m scared,” he admitted softly. “I’m so scared, Papa.”

“I’ll be right outside the surgery room and I’ll be right there when you wake up,” Patton promised softly, sounding like he was holding back tears. It made Remus want to dig a hole in the ground and cry. He was making his Papa cry. “And as soon as the Doctors say you’re ready, we’ll go home and see your brothers and Uncle Janus, okay?”

Remus sniffled and nodded, wiping away the tears trailing down his cheeks.”Okay,” he whispered. He let out a shaky breath and forced a smile. “It’ll be okay.”

“Remus?” The two of them turned to see a Doctor and a Nurse waiting for them. “We’re ready for you.”

Remus glanced at Patton nervously and got a confident smile in return. “You’ll be okay,” Patton said, looking so sure that he might as well had been saying that the sky was blue. “I’ll be right next to you when you wake up, okay?”

“Okay,” Remus said softly, turning to the Doctor and Nurse. “I’m ready.”

General Taglist

@mooniecoockie

@all-eyes-on-you-forever

@engineering-a-better-world

@hermitcreature

@punsterterry

@iris-sanders-athena

@heck-im-lost

@the-v-gees

@tiredfluid

@sevenatee

@i-really-dig-the-purple

@detroit-become-pan

@trust-me-i-just-get-weirder

@radioactivehelena

@max-is-tired

@unikornavenger

@amazonprimebox

@emmydragon

@thegaypasta

@lunareclipse-524

@thepotatoking1010

@bleepblopbloop56

@world-class-izzy

@violetsandpride

@smolautumnchild

@sanderssmosh-n-musicals

@cookiethedevil

@satanblessi

@figurative-falsehood

@crookedlyoptimisticdestiny

@ao-koshka

@onenightjoanly

@alsoyouremischievous

@figurative-falsehood

@mrtacothethird

@analogical-mess

@combine-the-kitchens

@knight-shives

@the-office-cat

@dark-kestrel

@lizziepopanime

@razberrypuck

@kastrefeila

@lilcutekittykat

@ladyonce

@penguinpatty1502

@analogical-mess

@incorrectqueereye

@liz-a-belle

@imjustawibba

@remy-alagaesias-dragon-queen

@fandoms-winkitywonk

@therubyjailcell

@angels-and-dreams

@europa-bear

@pumpkinminette

@viva-la-pluto-dam-you

@ravens-rambling

@felicianoromano

@czcernys

@phander-trash

@felicianoromano

@maehemscorpyus

@the-anti-virgil

@georganabanana

@kaileah-kat

@omg-rainbowgalxy-things

@chemically-imbalanced-romance

@just-another-rainbowblog

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@imtooaromaticforthis

@ambersky0319

@th3okamid3mon

@atomicljamm92

@lovebug5151

@shadowsfromthesun

@justpicturesofsam

@fuck-perfection-be-a-mess

@dragonsworn05

@entitydark

@sparkedawg

@luckybanana948

@holliberries

@hell-or-high-waters

@paint-in-flames

@purplepatton

@opaque-puppet

@pearl-topaz

@that-smol-tired-gay

@tired-fanboy

@rachel-eve-puppet

@the-psycho-pie

@the-warfstache-of-wall-street

@pastel-puns

@shadowjag

@saphirestrike

@theatresweetheart

@gatlily

@pastelpatton

@agoddamnrayofsunshine

@ps-reblogs

@tacohippy56900

@anxious-fander-bean

@winterknight1087

@moonfang03

@that-random-fandom-girl

@cricks-loves-you

@teacupfulofstarshine

@hetaisawesome

@lilylunalovegood2002

@silverviolin069

@bubbliee0

@demigodnamedathena

@donalev

@flix-net

@sos-fandoms

@writingfeedsthedarkestones

@leesacrakon

@clone-number-1

@ninja-wizard101

@never-end1ng-suffering

@all-bridges-will-burn

@theresneverenoughfandoms

#Storm writes #tw Amputation #tw hospitals #tw diseases #tw talk of surgery #Remus Sanders #Patton Sanders #Roman Sanders #Logan Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Janus Sanders #Bad Things Happen Bingo #Anonymous

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starfleetakaashi · 4 years

Note

I love your works!! Can I request tsukki, akaashi, suga and kenma with s/o who has an autoimmune disease, feeling down bcoz s/o thinks they're troublesome? I constantly think that because I have to avoid certain activities like going out in the sun and I need reassurance smh- thank you if you do take the request :)

hi thank you so much!! im so glad u like my works! _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): i hope u like this baby! mwah mwah MWAH

disclaimer: im not very educated on the autoimmune disease, and i’ve researched it to get a better understanding, but pls forgive me if i ever get anything wrong!

tsukki, akaashi, suga, and kenma w an s/o who has autoimmune disease:

— 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝗺𝐚;

he’s not a very talkative person but he’s very perceptive, so even if you try to keep anything in, he will notice

whenever he’d notice that you’re down and he suggests to go out, you’d turn him down thinking he’s just taking pity on you

“let’s go to some café, yeah?”

you shake your head, utterly confusing him

“i’m not feeling well, kei, but thank you.”

he is sick of it (only bc he really wants to spend time with you but he cant when you keep declining him (◞‸◟) )

“i dont care, we’re going out.”

mf DRAGS u out and ur like WAIT A MIN!!!!!!

after ur little hangout tsukki pulls you to his side as the two of u walk home, and ur a lil shocked bc hes not one to be very touchy in public

“are u ok, kei?”

he’d ignore you but not before taking ur hands in his. you look at your intertwined hands to his face back and forth as u two continued walking

“you’re not troublesome.” he’d say and you were so touched that you bursted out in tears, shocking him a bit.

“oi, quit crying!!”

“WAAHHHH I CANT HELP IT YOU’RE BEING SO NICE WAAHHHH!!”

evidently, he’d shut you up by kissing u :P

— 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢;

akaashi knows about your autoimmune disease and he tries his hardest with assuring you everyday that you are not a bother at all

but sometimes you can’t help but think so whenever bokuto would harmlessly point out how you’re always with him

and u realize, oh shit! u are always with him, and maybe he’s getting annoyed but wont say anything?

so u distance urself a bit from him and he notices

he ponders to himself, wondering why you started ignoring him

this baby thinks he did something wrong omg

he approaches you one day and is like, “[name], did i do something wrong?” YOU CAN LITERALLY TELL HE’S POUTING YOU FEEL SO BAD NOW

ur frantically shaking your head and waving ur arms, denying him and he’s like eh?

“no, keiji! i just don’t wanna cling onto you so often and be troublesome..” you say sheepishly, and keiji is so speechless like...

“what are u talking about?” his blunt self would say and ur like 👁👄👁 and hes like 👁👁

“well, bo-chan pointed out how i was always with you and—”

UR CUT OFF WHEN HE KISSES YOU!!!!!!!!

when he lets go you stare at him while feeling yourself get flustered and now ur all shy bc he just kissed u so good out of nowhere

“you’re not troublesome, darling.” he’d say in the sweetest voice ever UGHHH. “i love having you stick to me, so don’t stop, ‘kay?”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sniffles

— 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐚;

he doesn’t necessarily know about ur autoimmune disease but at the same time he does you know????

if anything he’s the clingy one LOL

and even if he’s more clingy and stuck to ur side than you are with him, ur pretty little head loves to mess with u

so now u start thinking that ur troublesome and annoying

unlike with the other three, instead of distancing urself you actually confront him about it

“hey, babe, if i’m ever too troublesome or anything, cause i know i can be,” you’d trail off and this precious baby is already on the verge of tears and u have to stop talking to comfort him

HIS MIND STARTS RACING AND HE’S RANTING NOW

“why would u think that?”

“did i say something?”

“OH MY GOD BABE IS IT BECAUSE I DIDNT KISS YOU THIS MORNING??????”

please shut him up before he gets a heart attack oh my god 😭😭😭😭

“no, koushi, i just think that—”

“BABY YOU WILL NEVER BE ANNOYING TO ME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???”

you gave up bc he’s entirely too emotional right now

but when he does calm down and u two are cuddling on the bed, he kisses ur forehead and whispers sweet things into ur ear

“you’re not troublesome, [name].” he kisses ur temple. “and you will never be,” he kisses your cheek before snuggling to your side, soft snores leaving his mouth a few seconds later

— 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝗺𝐚;

kenma isn’t very good at being talkative so u often think that ur annoying him bc he doesnt rlly express himself

and usually when people are annoyed they tend to give whoever they’re annoyed at the cold shoulder

like you know how kenma is, so ur mostly used to his quietness, but sometimes ur head gets to you and u start to overthink

is he actually annoyed with you?

is he tired of you always talking and talking and talking?

so, you decided to cut down on the talking, and kenma’s all like (｀_´)ゞ bc he hasnt heard ur voice in a while and he loves hearing u talk

“hey, why aren’t you talking to me?” LOL he will treat this as u basically ignoring him when in the end u do talk to him ur just not talking as much

“i—” ur speechless. “what do u mean?”

he puts down his controller, fully turning his body to face you. “like, you haven’t been talking to me as much recently. did i annoy you?” he’d ask with a slight pout and ur like omfg ur so cute c’mere

u sit on his lap and he wraps his arms around ur waist and looks up at you with the sweetest look on his face and UGHHHHHHHH

“i just don’t wanna be annoying and troublesome babe,” you’d whisper against his lips as you occasionally give him pecks on the lips

he’s all confused now as he continues kissing you. “what? ur confusing babe, don’t say stuff like that.” he says, turning his small pecks into a full blown make out

thus teaching u a lesson of never thinking that you’re troublesome to him ever again

AKAASHI TAGLIST: @anngelllla

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fairycosmos · 4 years

Note

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably worsened and it's an absolute tragedy, it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything. and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary. especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness. but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate. at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally, there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second. not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through. a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened.

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb. it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position.

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement. idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination. they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference.

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are.

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond death. i can still talk to her, reminisce with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence either. anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

#anon #tw suicide #long post #sorry i dont shut up💖 this 1 hurt

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theunlimitedskye · 4 years

Text

Tumblr Truths That Are Hard To Swallow But Need to Be Said (a.k.a Unpopular Opinions That Tumblr Will Probably Eviscerate Me For Having)

Hi. Me again. With more of the truth that this garbagefire of a platform needs to hear. I'm basing my words on things that I've seen a lot of on Tumblr as well as other platforms that need to be addressed for what they are. I'm not going to go into detail here. If you're a smart, sensible person, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say it. I don't mean to offend anyone, but merely to attempt (and who am I kidding, probably fail because this "community" is so far gone) to educate the bottom of the Tumblr barrel here. Call me a hater or an anti. I don't give a fuck. If you're offended then you're too sensitive and need to rethink your morals.

•Contrary to popular belief, being fat is NOT OKAY. You're putting yourself at risk of diabetes, heart disease and other equally as horrible disadvantages to your health. Body positivity is fine and dandy, but when you weigh 400 pounds and keep shoveling food on top of it because you're beautiful no matter what ANYONE says, there's a problem. There's a difference between being curvy and "thicc", and being morbidly and disgustingly obese. You're not beautiful. You're not perfect. You NEED to get in shape and lose the weight. The messages of "body positivity" are all wrong. Encouraging this type of behavior is entirely fucked up and the complete wrong way to handle it. You shouldn't be discriminated against just because you're a bit plump. When you're a gigantic blob, well, that's obviously different. And, no, being told you're dangerously obese and need to get healthy is not discrimination. It's literally what a doctor would tell you, and if you're getting offended then you REALLY need to rethink yourself. Lose the weight before you lose your feet.

•Also, here's something a lot of Tumblrians won't like. AGE GAPS, TO A CERTAIN DEGREE, ARE OKAY. You will not BELIEVE how many times I've seen people try to say that when there's an age gap between two LEGAL and CONSENTING ADULTS that it's pedophilia. Excuse me, Karen, but how in the FUCK is it considered pedophilia??? When you have a minor and an adult, that's pedophilia. That shit isn't okay. But when you have two adults, then that's perfectly fine. It's pedophilia if it's a 14 year old and a 20 year old. NOT when it's a 20 year old and a 23 year old. Basically, if there's ANY age gap between two LEGAL people, then it's perfectly fucking acceptable. My mom's 40 and my dad is 42. Tell me, Tumblr, is that a pedophilic relationship? Or does something like this only apply to, say, when you don't get your way in a ship you like? I've even heard people say that it's pedophilia if one of them even remotely LOOKS like a minor. If she's legal and likes bright colors and wears pigtails then fuck off. She's also an anime character and you're getting way too invested in your so-called "waifu". Age gaps between adults are fine, and if you think otherwise then you need to get your head out of your ass you uneducated fuckfaced shitgoblin.

•Here's another one I see predominantly and almost exclusively in artwork. RACEBENDING IS NOT FUCKING OKAY. For those of you who have been blessed with the ignorance of not knowing what racebending is, it's when a bunch of minging SJWs get ahold of a character that they think would look better or somehow be a better character if their skin tone and/or ethnicity was changed. Essentially, take a character with canonically light skin. Now make their skin darker or brown. That's racebending, and it's not fucking okay in the fucking slightest. Who the fuck gave you the right to do something like that? To just DECIDE a character is better YOUR way and not on the way that the CREATOR was happy with? It's a real infuriating double standard, too. For some reason if you take that canonically skinny white blond girl and make her a thicc black woman, that's fine. But if you took a dark-skinned character and made them even SLIGHTLY lighter than their skin in canon, then you're a horrible, disgusting racist whitewasher who deserves to be doxxed and have death threats sent to you. Racebending is not okay. Changing a character's skin or ethnicity just for the sake of art is not okay. It's extremely fucking offensive and the fact that it's praised more often than abhorred is very, VERY worrisome, and rage-inducing on top of that.

•You don't get to inconvenience people just because you don't like something. The term "trigger" is thrown around so often for the stupidest fucking shit that it makes it incredibly hard for me to actually take people's "triggers" seriously anymore, and I always have to take it with an entire gallon of salt. Are they legitimately uncomfortable with this topic, or are they just using the term "trigger" as a way to get people to not talk about something they don't like? If you dislike something then that's fucking fine. But there's a difference between disliking something and being triggered by it. I'm not trying to make you feel insignificant for having trauma or difficulty with shit, and I'm not going to get into what is and isn't a legitimate trigger because that's a whole other can of worms that I'm not getting into right now. But let me tell you something. If you use the term "trigger" to describe something you're mildly discontented with or simply dislike, then you're a fucking piece of shit because you're making it way harder for everyone else to distinguish what other people's REAL triggers are when you throw it around so fucking loosely like that. I'm sorry you dislike a show or fandom and think you're entitled to bitch about it, but other people have far more important problems than you do. We're not going to trigger-warning every single fucking thing we do JUST for you. With this logic, EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE is a trigger for SOMEONE and we all may as well never say or post ANYTHING because SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE will get a tummyache over it. Fuck off. I'm going to post what I like and if you're "triggered" then don't fucking look.

I don't know im tired and angry I'll add more as i think of shit people need to hear.

#Skyes tumblr truths #this site is a joke #its so fucking unhealthy #you people need to fucking learn #jesus christ

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spootiliousrps · 4 years

Text

Wolfstar Charms

You both like sirius/remus.

Stranger: [6th year, Remus hasn't told his friends about the werewolf gig yet.] Hey, so. I heard you talking to McKinnon after Magical Creatures today. Is that how you really feel about werewolves and vampires? Marlene was saying some pretty hard shit.-R

You: Well, I don't know what was said, but yeah. I mean, they attack anyone that gets close enough and spread their condition like a disease. They're better off where they can be kept an eye on that let loose in the world. -S

Stranger: But like. Every werewolf? -R

Stranger: And they only turn one night every month -R

You: But how can you be sure? I mean maybe not constantly but at least as their cycle gets closer. You heard what the professor said, they're practically monsters. I would feel safer if something was done about them. I'm not saying to kill them but something should be done. Even if its requiring them to be locked up during that time. -S

You: Why are you so curious about this anyways? -S

Stranger: I don't know. I just think it's wrong to prosecute an entire race of people, some of which may have done nothing wrong. -R

Stranger: There's bad ones, sure, but like. Thats not everyone. Just like not every pure blood is evil. -R

Stranger: Should we round up all of you lot and lock you up? -R

Stranger: I--fuck, I'm usually more eloquent about this, I'm just tired. -R

You: Whoa! Hey! That is not the same thing! I'm not saying to enslave them or anything like that! Locking them up during a transformation is humane! It would be for the protection of both them and the people around them. I know its not their fault. I'm not an idiot. -S

Stranger: It's inhumane to lock anyone up. -R

You: [Delay] Yeah... you usually are lol. I'm not use to seeing you so riled up. Whats got you so tired. -S

Stranger: Like -- would you want to lock me up for the week before the full moon if I was a werewolf or something? -R

Stranger: You said they're basically monsters -R

Stranger: Nothing, it's nothing. I just didn't sleep well, okay? -R

You: They are. Basically monsters I mean... but that doesn't make the people they infect monsters. I mean... the beast that comes out at night is not the person they are the rest of the time yeah?-S I mean, I never really considered it but... Would you have a better idea? Look at it from the person's point of view. You heard about the wizard that woke up after a cycle to find he had slaughtered his whole family? Sure, it sounds cruel when you explain it like that but they guy ended up offing himself cuz he couldn't live with what he had done. If I were a werewolf I'd want to be locked up during my cycle to protect you guys. I mean, I wouldn't know what I'd do if I hurt one of you. -S Maybe you should talk to one of the Ravenclaws, they might be able to slip you something to help sleep a bit better. A charm or something? -S

Stranger: I'm sure the werewolves that actually care take proper precautions. -R

Stranger: There was that one, sure, but. -R

Stranger: All the wolves in the media are all those nasty ones, that just was to cause mayhem. They should be punished for their crimes sure, but you can't control an entire race, that's not right

Stranger: I know plenty of charms. -R

You: Listen, Remus. I'm not going to pretend like I know why you have such a hard on for werewolves' rights suddenly and I'm also not going to pretend like I know everything. You asked and I told you. If you have a better idea for dealing with them then great. As far as I'm concerned it doesn't really involve me and its not like I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to the Minister to try and convince him of anything. Regardless of how either of us feels if a werewolf attacks us in the middle of the night I'm not going to be too torn up for defending myself. -S

Stranger: ..right. Sure. -R

Stranger: I'm going to go nap in Pomfrey's office. -R

You: Probably for the best. Want me to come fetch you for lunch? -S You're even worse when you don't eat. -S

Stranger: Um -R

Stranger: Maybe, I don't know. -R

Stranger: I can ask Peter to bring me something -R

You: [Delayed] If you're sure. Let me know if you change your mind. I promised James I'd meet him on the pitch before third so I won't be doing much. -S

Stranger: you'll be late for transfig -R

You: Wouldn't be the first time. -S

Stranger: Gonny's gonna murder you -R

You: I'd like to see them try. Besides, Lily is suppose to be there too. No one ever gets on to her. -S

Stranger: well.. I hope you guys have a nice time. -R

You: It'd be nicer if you would join us. -S

Stranger: um -R

Stranger: I can see if I can grab some coffee. -R

You: Awesome! I'll swing by the kitchens and bribe one of the house elves for those sweets you like so much. -S

Stranger: sure, yeah. -R

Stranger: I'll see you on the pitch then. -R

You: [[Switch to para?]]

Stranger: [[sure!!]

Stranger: [[I can start]]

You: [[Sounds good]]

Stranger: Every bone in his body hurt before the full moon. Every movement was filled with pain, and the entire week of the moon he felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. And he would've, if it meant that it'd stop. Remus dragged a hand through his hair as he made the hike down the hill from the castle to the quidditch pitch, slipping onto the field without being seen. James and Lily were already there, talking quit close together over on the edge of the field. He raised a hand to offer a hello, a grimace on his face with each movement.

You: "Remus!" Sirius called from Remus' right. He was still a few yards away an bulging cloth tucked under his right arm, a few pastries peaking out from beneath it. His left was tugging on a Peter's elbow as the other boy seemed to shift his gaze this way and that as if worried they'd be caught and taken to the dungeon's at any moment. "There you are! I was worried I might have to go to Pomfry's office after al-" he cut himself off as he drew up close enough to make out the boy's expression. "Christ, you look like shite. You weren't kidding earlier were you?"

Stranger: It wasn't fun, being woken up in the middle of the night with agonizing pain. He glanced over to Sirius as he came over to him, and he offered a small smile. "Yeah, I uh, rallied. I have my coffee in my bag so, hopefully that'll get me through potions later." Hey sighed. He nodded to Peter, and glanced back over at Lily and James. "It's fine though. Like I said, I just. Didn't really sleep." he had bags under his eyes, his face a little sunken in. "Whatcha got there?"

You: Sirius glanced down at the bundle as if he had forgotten about it entirely. "Oh, right!"

You: [sorry wasn't done]

Stranger: [nw]

You: Sirius glanced down at the bundle as if he had forgotten about it entirely. "Oh, right! I told you I was gonna swing by the kitchens. Swung by the potion's classroom too," he added with a wink and a grin. "Got a surprise for ya." "I-I had n-nothing to do with it," Peter rushed as if that would save him any grief should they be caught. Sirius just rolled his eyes and pulled him onward as he headed for James and Lily, obviously expecting Remus to follow. "Snatched a few Wideeye potions from the stores while Slughorn was distracted," Sirius admitted, still grinning proudly.

Stranger: Remus laughed softly, shaking his head as he followed them over towards James and Lily. "You're gonna get caught one day, you know?" he said teasingly. "I'd be nervous if Slughorn's rage came down on me, man. He's old but I can tell he's gotta temper." He stifled a yawn into his arm, and let out a puff of air. "I have so much course work to get done tonight." He frowned.

Stranger: [hey im jumping in the shower rq I'll be like. less than ten minutes]

You: "Well my luck hasn't run out yet," Sirius teased lightly. "Oi! James! Stop making pillow eyes at Lilly and get a move on!" Sirius called out to his friend with a laugh before focusing back on Remus. "Luckily for you, of course. Otherwise who would be here to pick you up when you need it ah? Peter?" he teased, elbowing the chubby boy in the ribs. "I-I... T-thats not..." "Relax Peter. I'm only teasing, lighten up."

You: [[Take your time. If we get disconnected I'll be under the tag spootilious]]

Stranger: [back! just gotta get like dried off[

You: [[wb]]

Stranger: Remus watched Sirius for a moment, shaking his head. "Maybe James?" he offered, snorting softly. As they approached, James flipped Sirius off, focusing back on Lily for a moment. "--Did we skip Transfigurations just to watch you talk to some lass?"

You: "No offense, Lilly," Sirius added as if as an after thought. He was a brave and reckless boy sure but he knew better than to piss off a woman, especially on that was such a talented witch. "You could do better than this sod," he teased lightly practically jumping into James' lap and ruffling his hair.

Stranger: "Yes, absolutely no offense," Remus agreed, nodding. Lily just let out a soft laugh. "Of course. Why'd we all come out here, James, did you want to go show off on that broom of yours?" she prodded at his side. Remus sat down heavily, a small grunt escaping him with the hard movement.

You: Sirius's gaze followed Remus' movements and despite his outward jovial appearance, worry lined his eyes. Typically he would have wrestled with James a bit, mock flirting with him, but as it was he allowed the other boy to shove him from his lap, depositing him next to Remus with a grunt of his own. "Rude," Sirius mock pouted but shifted back a bit to give himself room. He laid out the cloth, sweets still piled in the middle. Without hesitation he took two from the top and offered one out to Remus before shoving the other in his mouth.

Stranger: He didn't even want to know how completely like shit he must look like. And tomorrow, he would be concealing his bruised and battered body just like he did every day after a full moon. He glanced over at Sirius as he laid out the pile of sweets and pastries. He smiled, softly, and took the offered treat. "Thanks," he said softly, taking a bite. He let out a long sigh, and leaned his head on the man's shoulder, puffing out a breath.

You: Sirius tried to be as still as possible for the other man, only moving to reach into his robes and produce the small vile of wideeye potion he promised. Peter sank down next to the two reaching for a few sweets of his own. He may have refused to admit his part in the thievery, but he had no quarrel about partaking in the spoils. Sirius wouldn't admit it but his anxiety regarding Remus odd behavior had skyrocketed upon the sight of him and wasn't getting any better.

Stranger: Remus offered a small smile, and took the vial from the man. He twirled it in between his fingers, he uncorked it, and grimaced for a moment before he took it like a firewhiskey shot, closing his eyes tight and shuddering. "Oh, that's so gross."

Stranger: [brb!]

You: Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at the words. "I've caught you snogging Prevel Martin. I'm sure it can't be worse than that!" he countered making the group laugh, though his own didn't quite reach his eyes. They were still pinned to Remus, dark and calculating, as he tried to piece together the puzzle before him.

Stranger: "That was a dare!" he cried, elbowing him in the side. He could feel the effects of the potion almost instantly, though he was still full of his aches. He could feel how tired his eyes were, but the potion buzzed away inside of him and kept the open. His eyes flickered over and met Sirius's gaze, and he let out a puff of breath. "What, were you just upset it wasn't you?"

You: Sirius tensed in surprise at the sudden retort, forcing his grin wider to try and hide the blush. "Oh, yeah. I've always dreamed of snogging that ugly mug of yours," he teased. "Sounds more like a nightmare," Peter added around a mouth full of food. Sirius just laughed harder.

Stranger: Remus snorted softly and grabbed another pastry, kicking his boot out towards Peter playfully. "Aye, just you wait, bastards. Give me a year or two and I'll be taller than James."

You: "Pfft, not likely," Sirius scoffed playfully before turning towards James. "I'm suppose to be in transfiguration right now. Whats up? Or did you just want to bore us again with another one of your rants about Muggle studies again?"

Stranger: Remus scrunched his nose up and rolled his eyes, before he snuck another treat, eyes turning to James. "Yeah, what is it?" James looked affronted and scoffed. "What, a guy can't just ask his mates and-- his uh. non-mate." a glance to Lily. "To come and hang out and skip class?"

You: Sirius snorted at that. "Sure you can, but I think I rather be learning how to turn into a dragon than to have to stare at your ugly mug," he replied, sticking out his tongue. "You can't transfigure into a dragon," Peter commented absently reaching for another treat. "Says you! I bet I could turn into Norwegian Ridgeback by the end of the year if I wasn't skipping class!" he grinned, pointedly looking at James and knowing full well it wasn't the truth.

Stranger: Remus quirked a brow at him. "Actually, not possible. Not a dragon, at least," he nodded. He glanced towards James. "What was that thing we were reading last week? Animagus?" he questioned. "You can turn into an animal, but like. I think it has to be within a certain size."

You: "A baby dragon then," Sirius shrugged before James could answer. "Enough to breath fire and do some damage at least." "Yeah and probably shit everywhere," James laughed. "Good, another job for Finch and his cat," Sirius laughed.

You: *Filch

Stranger: Remus laughed, but it sounded distant even to himself. James looked over at the other lads and quirked a brow. "Shit aren't they covering Wolves and shit in Creatures today? What if you could turn into one of them?"

You: Sirius' smile faded a bit at the question. What was with all this talk about wolves? "I dunno, wolves are just vicious dogs right? I think I would rather be a regular one. Lounge about all day, get fat on treats, swarmed by women all the time." "Sniffing butts," James added with an arched brow. "Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it," Sirius countered.

Stranger: James laughed loudly. "But no, like, hear me out. You could scare the fuck out of any of your friends, if you like. Showed up at their house as a massive fucking wolf. Like would you shit yourself right there?"

You: "I dunno," Sirius continued. "I still think a dragon would be better. What do you think Remus?" he asked turning towards his best friend.

Stranger: Remus blinked a couple of times, and forced another laugh from himself. "Uh. Maybe a rabbit," he said lamely, clearing his throat. He ran a hand through his hair, and he suddenly did not feel very great at all, his stomach churning uneasily.

You: Sirius hesitated as he watched the color begin to drain from his friend's skin. "Don't rabbits mate like crazy?" he asked trying to hide his concern. "I always knew you had a promiscuous side," he teased. "Either way, it won't matter what we want to turn into if we don't learn how," he pointed out, pushing to his feet.

Stranger: The man cleared his throat, letting out a long breathe and tried to stop the queasy feeling. Almost as bad as the bone and joint aches, he hates the nausea that comes along with it, as the full moon ticked closer and closer. "James could probably find the book with the animagus spell in it." he murmured. "I uh. I have a ton of homework to do, and I have a feeling I'll...be falling asleep early tonight. I should get it done."

You: Sirius offered out a hand to help the other up. "Nah, I bet he's too distracted making eyes at Lily," Sirius teased, fluttering his lashes at the girl playfully. "Right, Lily?"

Stranger: Lily snapped out of her little world with James, a blush coming across her cheeks. "What? Oh, um--" she glanced over at James. "Nobody is making eyes at anyone."

You: "Ha! Right! Whatever you say, Lily," Sirius chuckled before making a kissing face towards them both. "You guys don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teased with a wink, "I think I'm gonna walk Remus to his next class before he collapses on himself."

Stranger: Lily rolled her eyes and flipped him off as well, something she had picked up from James no doubt. Remus glanced up as he was mentioned, and frowned. "I'm not gonna collapse. Wide awake, see?"

You: Sirius paid Remus no mind as he pulled him a long, calling over his shoulder. "James you're a bad influence on her!" he laughed just as they turned the corned and were suddenly on their own. Sirius let his smile fade now that they didn't have an audience though he didn't speak, unsure of what to say.

Stranger: Remus grumbled but sighed, following Sirius. He let him get pulled along, his bag swinging over his shoulder. When they were out of sight, the man glanced over his shoulder. "They're insane ,the lot of them.."

You: "Might as well include us in that lot as well, Remus," Sirius pointed out before shooting the man a side glance. "You're hiding something, aren't you?" he asked deciding that a blunt approach would be best.

Stranger: "I'm hardly insane." he puffed a breath out. "I'm the sanest one around." At the accusation, Remus stopped in his steps, and he frowned. "What would I be hiding."

You: Sirius turned to him, studying the bags under his eyes and his exhausted features. "That's what I would like to know," he countered, "You obvious haven't slept, you're moody, and you know enough about charms that if it were something as simple as a bad dream you would have taken care of it by now," Sirius pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest, "Exams aren't for a few months and-" he paused, realization striking, a devilish smile spreading across his lips. "You've been sneaking out, haven't you?! Who is she? Couldn't be a Gryffindor or you wouldn't be up all night... Is it that Hufflepuff girl I always see trailing after you? What was her name? Levy? Levi? Lindsye?" he pretended to stumbled over the girl in question, knowing full well her name was Lauraine, not wanting Remus to think that he pays far too much attention to him.

Stranger: Remus felt like he was going to throw up for real now. He sucked in a breath and rolled his eyes, pushing a hand through his hair. "Fuck man, maybe I just had a bad night sleep, okay?" he frowned. "I get -- insomnia sometimes. I don't like to take potions all the time because I don't think it's good for you ." he felt his face heat up at the insinuation that he was hooking up with a Hufflepuff, and he groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Sirius, shut the hell up. Please." he shook his head. "I'm not--I'm not sneaking out with some girl."

You: "Some guy then?" Sirius shrugged, his grin broadening to hide his sudden wave of jealousy. "Hey, I'm not one to judge, we're mates regardless of who you decide to shack up with." He moved to loop his arm around Remus' and start walking again. "No reason to get cranky about it."

Stranger: Remus let out a shaky breath. "I'm not shaking up with some guy, either," he groaned. "I'm--" he paused for a long moment, trying to come up with something on the spot. "I'm taking extra lessons with Gonny. At night, when everyone's asleep. Not a lot, just like. Every couple weeks. She's.. helping me learn some higher level charms and stuff."

You: "Oh," Sirius mumbled a bit put out, but far more relieved than anything. "Wait... why do you need to know higher charms? I mean, I get that you're talented and all, but that's a bit excessive and why would you keep that a secret?" he asked absently, brows furrowing as he attempted to work it all out.

Stranger: He shrugged. "She didn't want the other students getting jealous." He explained, frowning. "I just. Was curious, and thought about maybe going into a job with the Ministry with it, so." he cleared his throat. "And she likes that I'm a hard worker, so she was willing to teach me. If you want to join you can go ask her, but--"

You: "Brilliant! I could use some extra studies in Charms. If I'm gonna become an Aura I have to get Outstanding on the OWLS and I only got Exceeds, but I was talking to Peter earlier and they're letting him retake his. Maybe they'll let me retake mine!" Sirius chimed, beaming with excitement as he pulled away from his mate. "I'm going to see if I can speak to the Headmaster about the exams. Meet you in the common room after supper?" He called already hurrying down the corridor.

Stranger: Remus opened his mouth in surprise at Sirius's willingness to take up extra charms and transfiguration lessons, and he looked surprised. But before he could even make a rebuttal, Sirius was off. "Fuck," he groaned, and shook his head, trying to race to Minerva's office to go and tell him what he had done. Besides Dumbledore, she was the only person that knew what he was. He best go ask her if they could start up some random charms practice now and then.

You: [[Quick questions (srry just want to make sure I don't overstep): Do you have a preference on how you want this to go or do you just want to wing it? Are you wanting to do the scene with Minerva or Dumbledore or skip to that even? I figured with Sirius it could go two ways either they tell him yes but he didn't talk to the charms prof so he shows up just all like 'hi! ready to go to charms, mate?!' or he figures out somethings off and there is no extra charms and he confronts Remus about lying to him. ]]

Stranger: [[ooh lets maybe do the lying ]

Stranger: [and uh. lets skip the scenes with Dumbledore and minerva]

You: [[Ooo ^.^ yay I was hoping you'd go with the lying >:3 ]]

Stranger: <3]

You: Sirius managed to attend the rest of his classes though he seemed a bit stand offish whenever he caught sight of Remus or James and Peter for that matter. He didn't bother showing up for dinner either. In fact, it wasn't until they were to meet in the Gryffindor common room that he showed his face. His usual smile was absent, replaces by pursed lips as he studied Remus silently for a moment. It seemed as if the dark haired man wasn't going to speak at first, but eventually he let out a heavy sigh. "Charms, huh?" he asked evenly, a brow arching as he pinned Remus with a dark stare, waiting for his next excuse.

Stranger: brb!!]

Stranger: Remus wasn't able to find Mcgonogall all afternoon. In her study, in class -- He finally had to give up to try and find her. He needed to get some homework done. He finished out his classes and was immediately kept up in the common room the rest of the night, hurriedly scrawling away, watching the clock tick away. The moon would be at it's highest point by 9pm, which meant he needed to leave by 8pm to get himself hidden in the shrieking shack. He glanced up as he felt the gaze of someone on him, and he parted his lips. "I--um. What?" he asked weakly. He only had twenty minutes before he had to leave.

You: "Don't play dumb Remus, its not a good look on you," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms. "You lied to me! We're suppose to be best mates! Best mates don't lie to one another!" he snapped, losing a bit of his temper.

Stranger: Remus snapped his mouth close and let out a shaky breath. "I--" he stammered, and made another glance at the clock. "You're right." he nodded quickly. "I'm. seeing that Hufflepuff girl. Lauraine." he said quickly. "I didn't want to get the same shit that James gets for Lily because she's.. shy."

You: "Bullshit," Sirius snapped without hesitation. "You know the only reason I give James hell about Lily is because Lily is just as much a mate as he is. You are also a horrible liar..." he hesitated, something similar to pain crossing his features. "or at least I thought you were. Whatever you're hiding Remus... I hope its worth it," he spat, his anger returning full force as he gave the other boy a shove.

Stranger: Remus really didn't have the energy in him so close to the moon. When Sirius shoved him, he knocked back hard into the corner of the table, letting out a little yelp. "Maybe just mind your own business," he huffed out through a grimace. "If I wanted you to know, then I'd tell you."

You: "Last I checked, you are my business!" Sirius growled, kicking the chair between them out of the way. "At least, if we're best mates, it is... but then again, apparently... we're not," he added his voice lowering once more. "My mistake."

You: [[brb]]

Stranger: [nw]

Stranger: Remus backed away from the man, moving to start shoving his papers and books back into his bag. "I don't have to tell you everything about me, Sirius. Just. Drop it, okay?" he huffed out a long breath, swinging his bag over his shoulder. "I have to go."

Stranger: brb]

You: "No, of course, not! Why would you?!" Sirius snapped at him. "Go then! I'm not stopping you! It's not like I could even if I tried, obviously! Just don't expect me to come looking for you when you're late for class in the morning... or when you need another potion! I would hate to assume you needed me for anything."

Stranger: Remus felt a hard shudder run through his body, and he doubled over briefly. He glanced at the clock and puffed a breath. Why was he-- the moon didn't finish for another hour, at least. It dawned on him, there, that he forgot to account for the time change. He made a noise in his throat, hands shaking. "I'm--I'm sorry, I have to go." he said, and bolted from the common room.

You: Sirius' hesitated as he watched Remus falter, his anger and hurt forgotten. "Remus!" he jerked forward, intent on giving the man a hand but he was already bolting down the corridor leading towards the stairs. "Remus!" Sirius called after him, a spike of worry joining the concoction of emotions swirling inside him. He paused for a breath... another... before he realized what he was doing he was half way down the stairs, barely managing to keep the other boy in his sights.

Stranger: Remus was shaking, feeling his breath coming out hard, his bones aching inside of his skin. He had to pause, once, as another hard shudder rippled through him, before he was staggering towards the hidden passage behind the statue. He heard Sirius calling behind him, and just hoped he could keep out of his eye sight. Sirius couldn't be there for him, it was too dangerous.

You: "Remus wait!" Sirius called again, the words coming out breathless as he hurried down the stairs, catching a glimpse of the other boy just as he ducked behind one of the statues. Sirius didn't hesitate to follow, blindly following at this point. Whatever Remus was hiding was more than just some silly secret between friends that much was obvious now. But whatever it /was/, judging by the shaking and cries coming from the other boy was painful and possibly dangerous. Sirius had heard of some slytherins selling gillyweed and waking death to other students for kicks but... he had never pinned Remus as one to partake in something so dangerous. Now, however, he couldn't be so sure.

Stranger: Remus could feel the blood rushing in his ears, drowning out all other sounds. He made it to the statue, ducking behind it and entering the hidden passage. It was mostly dirt, dug through what had to be centuries ago, making his way under Hogwarts and towards the shrieking shack. He just needed to get there, then he could -- he could let the shift finish. A strained whimper came from his throat, seeing the door in sight. He reached to yank it open, clambering out. He fell to his hands and knees onto the old, rotting, wooden floor of the shack, gasping for air. He could feel the howl starting to catch in his throat.

You: Sirius slid to a stop in front of the small tunnel, heart sinking. He hated tight spaces... They were worse than boggarts... He shifted from one foot to another before he managed enough courage to dive in, doing his best to focus on the way Lupin had sounded, the way he had shivered. His friend needed him whether he knew it or not and Sirius was sure as hell going to- A howl broke through the sound of his trembling breaths making him pause, glancing up at the small bit of moonlight at the end of the tunnel. Remus wasn't alone! Something was there! He had to get to him! "Remus!!!!" He called desperately, doubling his efforts as he crawled through the tight space. "Remus! I'm coming!"

Stranger: [agsjldf sorry im helping boyfriend w/ dinner so lots of back and forth. we can always move to email or discord if its easier. brb]

You: [[No worries! I gotta get my son to bed anyways. Discord is still working for me but I would love to continue via email when we have to cut off if that's cool. I would hate to lose ya. Good Rp partners are so hard to come by.]]

Stranger has disconnected.

#wolfstar #omegle rp #remus/sirius #sirius/remus #lupin/black #black/lupin #roleplay

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flowers-by-the-bed · 4 years

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Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

_____

I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream. It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.

#personal #eupd #bpd #mental health #illness #venting

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anarchistsuggestion · 5 years

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hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

#vaccinate your kids #vaccines #anti vax memes #anti vaxxers #measles #this is almost 2000 words long jfhf #im exhausted #how did it come to this

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sunagakubae · 5 years

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noah fence but why cant sasuke stans joke on their man. like. im a itachi stan but i can joke on him all the time hes an idiot and i respect his big dumb disease but like i admit hes flawed. but u joke on sasuke and his stans materialize in ur living room and yell "nu shut up uwu thats my bby boy who did nothing wrong leave my emo son alone!!1!!!1!!!! he deserved better espcially more than sakura-" like theres rly no winning asdhjkfs

AOKJSDHGIS im really starting to think i time traveled and sent this ask to myself without knowing because wow this ask…. my type of energy

but yeah i completely agree with you and i myself have always wondered the exact same thing for years. like.. this is the series where a man who can’t write for shit and has been sinking down his own series for years with plot holes and inconsistencies you really think there’s gonna be a perfect character in it??? lmao. i can’t speak for all sasuke fans since i know very few who are actually v chill people but a huge amount of them here are so uptight like damn nobody said anything about your real lives fhfhdfj. like for example i like itachi but his actions were literally so dumb and he did very much traumatize sasuke :/ kakashi is a fav but he really could’ve doneway better as a teacher because honestly he SUCKED as one. and obito…. oh my god…….. i love obito but he really was the dumbest most biggest Bitch alive and also he’s objectively invalid and i roast him 24/7 ndddbdglg. it really is possible to joke about ur faves huh… who knew…..

like we’re all out here making jokes on every single character yet the only ones who take things personal and get angry / offended about it are sasuke stans and that just…. Yikes™… take a chill pill or smth. and like i get that they may get tired of some people constantly bashing on their fav but most of the time it’s really just someone else expressing their opposing opinion or make a joke about himand they blow up over it and things get out of hand and it’s just hmhmhmfnm it gets Messy. whenever i see his stans be all like “hedid nothing wrong uwu sasuke was right” which is just…. okayyyyy. i don’t actually have a problem with any of that if they didn’t try to turn their opinion into some sort of universal truth, claim everyone else is Wrong and then get mad whenever someone disagrees by simply saying “i don’t like sasuke” ddjdjjcfjfcjvgf

i have literally never seen a fictional character be so woobified to disproportionate degrees by their fans so what i just do now is put up a sort of barrier where i only really talk to a very specific group people who just casually like sasuke because tumblr sasuke stans are a Mess their behavior is downrightconcerning like nope. and even just posting this i’m sure somehow a sauce stan will see it and get mad so adjhvhfvdf there really is no getting thru saying what u really think without running the risk of getting stoned by them so if any of them just wants to start shit im blocking byeeee af.

#im just so tired... of seeing the same thing.....#maybe i SHOULD just blacklist his tag huh #asks #anonymous #sasuke shade #not really but just in case because we KNOW how this site be like fjfjgfjfj #anyway hopefully sauske stans decide to ignore & use the block feature rather than make a scene #but we know they gonna djfjfgjfjfjf

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kendrixtermina · 5 years

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Disclaimer For Potential Partners (f/m/x)

Writing this down as much to gather my thoughts and go into this with clear priorities as for possible future reference.

My mother always told me that if you wanted everyone to like you, you’d have to be a 50 dollar bill. I have come to accept that I’m more like licorice. Some people aren’t gonna like me but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others who would appreciate me.

I’d rather you run away screaming NOW than in three years when we’re both invested so Let’s get all this out of the way:

I’m bisexual. Yes, I’ve dated dudes in the past. I’ve had a brief online flirt with an agender person and do think androgynous ppl are hot which I suppose would make me pan in some ppl’s books, at this point the choice in label is purely aesthetic. I’m looking for a female partner right now because I’ve always had a slight preference for girls anyways but a sufficiently compatible non-female would not be refused.

Because ppl have gotten this wrong in the past: Preference is about how likely you are to notice that someone is hot in the first place like in the early stages. It doesn’t mean my attachment to those dudes was any less “real” (or the other way around!) I just flat out don’t care whats in your pants there are other things to be picky about

From since I was young, the message I got from music, books etc is that it’s pretty bad to say “I love you” unless you truly mean it. So I don’t say “I love you” until I’m 100% sure I can do that it good conscience. It seems that it takes me a bit longer to be sure than most people, but it’s not like I’ve conducted statistics on this

I’m not vegan/vegetarian and I’m never going to be vegan/vegetarian

I’m not a pet person

I’m not a sporty person and I’m never going to be a sporty person

Go through my stuff, spy on me in any way or ask me to tell you where I am at all times and its over

I’m an antiprohibitionist and don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with taking recreational substances. Conversely, I’m not interested in that sort of thing as a full-on lifestyle either.

I try to keep an open mind and try everything once but im probably not gonna reorganize my life around new age woo-woo.

So far my folks have liked most my partners, but if our social circles don’t get along I’m comfortable with leaving them separate.

I believe in judging people as individuals first. I don’t wanna hear no paranoid shit about “the muslims” or other stereotypical carricatures but if you’re gonna be “europeans that europeans this” as if im not in the room its not gonna work.

Don’t be fooled by the foreign-sounding surname im a potato through and through. No exotic fanservice to be had here.

Barring unforseen dictatorships, I don’t want to move out of Europe. I like it here. Its full of frustrating dumbasses but so is the rest of the world. Yay for cheese and consumer protection laws! I would consider moving closer to the shore though.

It’s fine if you don’t speak German but you should not hate or dislike it. English is a plus because me, my friends and my family are into internet culture

I haven’t spoken to my father in five years. No, you’re not going to patch this up. You don’t have to ignore him too if you’re not comfortable but you’ll have to respect my choice instead of playing family therapist or throwing platitudes about forgiveness at me.

Im not counting and it depends on your definition but Ive fucked at least 15-20 people, which according to statistics is above average? Always used rubber unless it was long-term and exclusive tho. That might bother some ppl.

That said it has been my conclusion that fucking does nothing that a beer can’t do and that the real quality stuff is what you could already do as a grade schooler when you still thought of all the grownup stuff as mystical. Having ice cream together, exploring new places, having contemplative conversations in the rain, telling each other your fantasies? That’s The Stuff.

Hence while I wouldn’t turn down some fuckage along the way what im looking for at this point is someone to share life and grow old with, like there doesn’t need to be the expectation of further strings but the end goal RN is to find One That Sparks Joy(TM) that will get precedence

I’m not big on material gifts or the ritual part of dating if thats important to you I might not be the ideal candidate, but if its not thats probably good for your wallet

I’m a strong introvert. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to anyone other than my boss or maybe texting my relatives. If you’re very introverted or work alot this might be an advantage. Of course if I love you I will try my best to match up to your attention needs but if you need your partner to text you 15 times every day to feel good I might just not be your cup of tea

That doesn’t mean im not interested in going on or doing new experiences. I very much hope to do that together with you just not 5 days a week - if you can’t give new things wholehearted tries things might get uncomfortable

I like spicy food and all sort of asian cousine, but if you can’t stand the sight of cheese, asparagus and sausage it’s not gonna work either. I can obviously put less chili in your portion.

I tend to talk fast and I find it hard to stop it even if I try, if that bothers you look elsewhere

I cannot stand forced optimism OR over-the top misanthropy or snobbishness. I will gush about things, but I like my dark edgy content and I stand by it. It is an advantage if you like talking about art. If you don’t like morbid humor that might be a problem

No diet talk

No perfectionism

No passive aggressive ppl or ppl that are uncomfortable with direct confrontation. That won’t work, we’d just set each other off even without meaning to and it would just be sad. If Im doing something wrong don’t expect me to notice by magic, tell me to my face so I can fix it. Don’t be hostile out of nowhere and don’t beat around the bush.

im not religious or spiritual. I don’t mind if you are but if you want to have kids and bring them up strongly-immersed in some Abrahamic faith im not sure if this is the right adress

No anti-intellectualism (no snobbery, elitism or smartassery either - as a wise pig once said, “Knowledge is a horizon to strive for, not a prize to hold in your hand” It begins with realizing what you don’t know)

Indifferent about monogamy, but I wouldn’t say that I’m the sort of person who needs non-monogamy either. If you want to we can do it (write me out some list of where you draw the lines so there’s no misunderstandings) but if you don’t it’s no biggie. I don’t care if you fuck 10 other people - for me, respect, honor and loyalty are to do with other things, like, don’t make fun of me and don’t expect me to change because one (1) person said I’m weird or whatever.

Don’t give me diseases tho. I’ll take precautions to extend the same courtesy to you.

Potential character flaws: I can be a tad sensitive, disorganized and defensive sometimes, not gonna sugarcoat it. I have no filter and curse like a sailor. Also I have zero social skills and sometimes I come across as either angry or unemotional when its really the opposite. I find that just as confusing and contradictory as that sounds, I have like zero sense of how I come off. I try to be aware of all of these and do right to everyone to the best of my ability but if you’re sensitive about any of these point someone else might be a better fit

2 kids max. I’m not sure I’ll have ANY at this point, and most certainly not in the next 5 years. IF we decide to have some later I volunteer to carry them though, I probably have good genes, my mom popped out 4 babies in 6 years with nary a complication. Besides I’d rather it was me dealing with the gross pregnancy stuff than someone I love

My favorite bedroom stuff is fingers-in-front-cavity and butt stuff. Mild sleepsex fetish but nothing super pronounced. What I don’t like or just am not very good at is top/bottom play.

So far most my partners have had somewhat stronger sex drive than me but Id argue that I very much have one and ive never refused unless I was in physical pain, severely sleep-deprived or working on some important work-related thing that was due the next day.

It’s important - and science backs me up on this - that you can freely talk to each other in n open, natural and relaxed manner

If you think im weird just do us both the favor and stay away don’t come at me with the attitude that you’re gonna mold me to your desires - even just writing this comes off kinda touchy but im saying this because some people out there really don’t get it. Like my natural tendency is to be open, courious and realistic, but some people see that as free real estate and then it falls to me to be the reasonable one and End The Madness and im tired of that.

Like I want to be able to give love and pour out all my inner romantic shit without having to be afraid of being fucked over I want to be able to trust you with my inner harley quinn as well as my inner phantom of the opera

UGH that sounded a bit tryhard didn’t it? But its the best description i could come up with

Must remember to translate this into mordor speak later

#feelings #love #datefriend acquisition project

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dreammutual-remade · 6 years

Text

high school!mark

request: highschool!mark if u love me plspls

word count: 5.5k

a/n: lucky that I love u anon hehehehe !!!!! also wOW I didnt mean to make this so god damn long itS REALLY JUST THESE GOD DAMN HIGH SCHOOL AUS IM WEAK FOR THEM OKAY. look at this cutie hOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESIST

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

warnings: the usual intermittent cussing and probably an inappropriate joke or two

this au is my Ultimate Weakness it makes me soft as hell alright

………………….

LETS DIVE IN

okay so your mom has a job that forces your family to move around….. A LOT

and while you’ve gotten used to it for the most part it still sucks having to leave people behind and make completely new friends once every couple of years

this time you’re moving to a new school for your SENIOR YEAR and you’re livid

bc like ??? it’s senior year and you have exactly zero (0) friends since you’re new,,, yet again

you Threw A Fit when you found out but your mom was like shut up you ingrate soon you’ll be in college and won’t even have to worry about it

so you, an ingrate, shut up :/

you move in a month before school starts and the house is nice and your room is cute so that’s a plus !!!!!

you hang up some pictures and organize all your cute little trinkets you’ve collected over the years aw

you’ve even got a lil succulent garden growing on your windowsill

ITS CUTE AS HELL OKAY

alright so you’re gonna go explore around town because you , don’t know where anything is and you wanna find some good spots to hang

you take the bus into the middle of town because who tf is tryna drive themselves amirite ladies

support ur local bus driver

anywhom this isn’t a HUGE town but it’s one of those cute towns where you can pretty much walk anywhere you need to go

(god i wish that were me)

so you spend all day just, walkin

you find a library and pick up some books …….

both for decoration and reading okay

and you find a couple of restaurants and write them down to try later along with some coffee shops and whatnot

eventually you’re tired and prolly a lil sweaty bc it’s summer and you’re outside and ugh

so you find a nice big park and a tree and sit down at the base of it to read and mindlessly sketch things in the margins of your book

whEN OUT OF NOWHERE

someone shouts

“HEY WATCH OUT”

and you look up just in time to dodge a sOCCER BALL HURTLING TOWARDS YOUR FACE

it bounces off the tree and rolls a couple feet away

“uhhhh holy shit” - you

you just kind of sit there astonished for 5 seconds before you get up to get the ball and look around for who saved your LIFE

and there’s boy jogging toward you looking extremely embarrassed

you meet him halfway to hand him the ball and he’s like

“oh mY GOD i’m so sorry i told them to settle down but they never listen to me and jisung just ??? doesn’t know how to not take everything seriously and he lost and got pissed and kicked it and we didn’t even kNOW you were over here and also i’m so sorry”

you smile and tell him it’s fine and hand him the ball

you go to get back to your tree and he’s like hey uh you there uh wait up

god he’s awkward

and you turn around to face him with an expectant look

“so um, what’s your name? i haven’t seen you around here before and like in case i ever gotta make this up to you you know ??”

cute

you tell him your name and stick out your hand to shake and he grabs it very hesitantly and tells you his name is mark

he has , very warm hands and they’re only slightly bigger than yours but that’s still cUTE

MARK HAS BABY HANDS I DARE U TO SAY HE DOESNT

he says he hopes you enjoy your book and he’ll make sure the boys don’t disturb you anymore than they already have

you wave as he goes and he gives you a smile over his shoulder and his cheeks are tinged pink and wOw this boy is a cutie patootie

you go back to your reading but now instead of doodling you’re just writing his name or drawing his big doe eyes or his smooth hands

(((((let’s pretend we’re all good at drawing okay god knows i can’t do much more than a stick figure)))))

the boys leave after an hour or two and you leave pretty soon after then because the sun is setting and you gotta be home for dinner

basically your mom wants to make sure you aren’t kidnapped and/or lost in a new town

which, to be fair, is not that unlikely

you have your headphones in and you’re leaned against the bus window half asleep as you go

bitch wake up youRE GONNA MISS YOUR STOP

it’s the same bus driver who saw you get on and honestly there aren’t a lot of people on the bus so he makes sure you get off

“hey you, girl back there, hEY! this is your stop girly”

you thank him profusely and tip him because uhhhh u gotta get home and like Not Lost

you skip home with your bag of books and miscellaneous items you found at the thrift store!!!

you bought a little figurine of a dragon and she’s beautiful her name is saraphina because why not

that’s completely irrelevant i’m so sorry

i have ADHD

anywhom

you walk in and you’re all like hey momma !!! how goes it !!:3

and your mom is Sus™️ because why are you in such a good mood

and you’re like !!! cause i had a good day okay love u bye i’m going to my rOOM

don’t let her question anymore or else she’ll dig out that you met a Cute Boy

you go to your room and get out all your purchases and organize them while you still have the motivation to do so

and yeah

you use one of the blank notes to start like a lil drawing diary of sorts ???? like just to draw stuff in whenever you’re inspired or you see something pretty

and you definitely saw smth pretty today ;))))))))

hint: ITS MARK

you try to draw him from memory but it doesn’t look quite right and like :(((((( how sad is that what if you don’t even see him again

the rest of the month passes pretty quickly in the same fashion

by now you’ve befriended the bus driver and he tells you all the cool secret nooks and crannies of town for you to go find

he’s also your bff pretty much he always tells you about his daughter and all the cute things she does and you just talk about your life in general and he gives you advice

congrats you’ve unlocked Wise Uncle

he gives you directions to this teeny TINY flower shop where you befriend the old lady who works there by bringing a muffin everytime you go by

she trades you for a seasonal flower and makes a big deal out of tucking it behind your ear herself

basically you find all the cute old people in town and make them your friend because.

THATS CUTE

ADDED BONUS OF LIKE 17 PARENT FIGURES TO GIVE YOU ADVICE

this is accidentally straying into art hoe territory i hope y’all are okay w/ that

school is starting really soon and you’re nervous but also used to this so it doesn’t affect you as bad as normally

also you did meet some people so you aren’t going in with no friends but like, pretty close to no friends

on the first day of school you ride the bus and you see ???? mark ????? on your bus ????????

so you get on and do your daily greeting of the bus driver

his daughter lost her first tooth AW

you fake cry and he says “mood” and you lose it because you’re pushing internet culture onto this unsuspecting middle aged man skdkdkkd

you pat him on the shoulder as you walk back to find a seat but there are none because for some reason the bus is busy this early in the morning ????

you wouldn’t know lmao summer sleep schedule had you up at 10 at the earliest

so you go to stand and hold onto one of the poles in the center

(nearby our boy mark LEE)

mark looks up from his phone

these god damn millennials always on that damn phone

and he sees you and he’s like wHOA what’s up uhhh Soccer Ball Girl

and nice you remembered his name bUT HE DIDNT REMEMBER YOURS

but then he’s like nahhhh just kidding i remember ur name hey y/n !!!

you talk otw to school and find out you’re both seniors at the same school and how you’re excited for sports games and like, GRADUATING

mark keeps trying to offer you his seat but you refuse and he pouts everytime you say no :((((

good god just take the seat look at the sad baby boy :((((((((((((

there is an, occurrence

at one point the bus goes over a bump and you stumble a little and mark reaches up to catch you before you literally fall on him

his hands fly out and grab you by the hips to steady you since he’s sitting and you’re standing and he can’t exactly reach your shoulders sO YEA

or at least that’s his explanation in his head huehuehuehe

his hands linger for MAYBE 10 seconds before he whips them back into his pockets and blushes while you thank him

you: are also blushing

the bus driver: completely did that on purpose

when you get off the bus your Second Dad tells you good luck and pats you on the head and mark is like ???? do you know him

and you’re like yeah that’s my man maurice we’re buds

and he’s like ???? i’ve rode that bus all my life to school and i’m not buds with him wtf :/

“srry you’re not as lovable as me!! jealousy is a disease <3”

and he laughs his dorky laugh

you highkey are smiling so big because this boy is so cute and he’s walking close enough that your shoulders brush every once in a while and he has a silly laugh and AW

as you walk into the school marks group of Boys starts waving him over excitedly and he turns in their direction but then stops when he sees you aren’t following

“hey whatcha doin???”

“well uhhh those are Your Boys you know and i’m, i don’t, really, uh they don’t know me”

“aw cmon they’ll love you!!! look ill just introduce you and if they’re terrible and annoying you can leave”

“........ i gue-“

but he’s already grabbed your hand and is pulling you over to them

“sup fellas this is y/n and she just moved here this year so don’t be too overwhelming.”

the smaller one with the highish voice chimes in

“aww but overwhelming is my only setting”

“then just don’t be yourself, chenle”

“heYYY it’s that girl i almost killed in the park !!! so sorry about that by the way”

he introduces them to you one by one and they all shake your hand

jisung is the one with the big ass yaoi hands and also the one who almost ended your young life

jaemin is the one with pretty smile

jeno is the one with the squishy eyes

renjun is the Art Hoe of the group you can just tell

he’s wearing some got damn overalls you gotta befriend him immediately

donghyuck is the one with beautiful skin and a v high voice you’re highkey like hey but can you dROP THE SKINCARE ROUTINE and he’s like “i just wash my face every day xoxo :*”

you quickly learn who is a piece of shit and who isn’t

you figure out who has classes with you and then set off for the day !!

mark has gym and economics with you but those are after lunch :(((

he squeezes your shoulder before he leaves and says good luck though so you’ll survive

you have art with renjun first and this boy is your bestie already

he’s such a sarcastic shit and he too likes drawing random things and vandalizing school textbooks with artistically correct memes

he also has the AUDACITY

“so, you and mark already ;););)(;);)))”

“i uh don’t know what you mean by that”

“you SO do!!!!! you guys walked into school together everyone probably already thinks you’re a thing”

“oh shit really??? ah i feel so bad”

“is that a bad thing???”

“i mean yeah i’m not tryna Tarnish mark’s reputation”

“that is some self hatred bs he would be lucky to have you !!!!”

“renjun you don’t even know me that well yet”

“i know enOUGH”

you just uhh change the subject which renjun def notices but like

who cares

renjun apparently also goes to the same flower shop as you !!!

you find out because you see him drawing the front of it and you’re like heY i’ve been there my girl edna works there !!!!! she insist i call her grandma tho

and he’s all oh sHIT that’s my girl too !!!!!!

long story short edna is now your shared grandmother

now THAT is some uwu shit

you go about your day and it’s lunchtime and yOU uh don’t know where to sit :(

you see a girl that you met who works at the little coffee shop you like so you set off in her direction and you’re almost there when jeno and jaemin walk up and sling an arm around your shoulder from either side

“hEY BUDDY” -jeno

“SUP SQUIRT” -jaemin

and they start steering you in another direction towards their own table

“god of all nicknames you had to give me sQUIRT”

“yes it’s because you’re cute and small like squirtle”

“that’s a god damn reach if i’ve ever seen one but okay”

you get there and they practically TOSS you into the seat next to mark

he winces and gives you and apologetic pat on the back before starting the conversation

“alright so who actually did the summer reading”

as the table bursts into Absolute Ruckus you just kind of sit back and watch

mark notices you being quiet and while renjun and chenle are arm wrestling he leans over to quietly be like

“hey you doin okay over there? are they too much”

“oh not at all i’m just takin it in lmao”

“yeah that’s understandable. they’re easily the most entertaining group of people you’ll ever meet but also i’ve wanted to strangle every single one of them at least once”

“what are you 30??? you talk about them like you’re their mom”

“i mean someone’s gotta do it”

you and mark talk all throughout lunch and head to gym together since that’s next

exercising right after eating ??? sounds like a GREAT plan thanks so much public school system !!!!

you go to pull out your bag of gym clothes but ??? all you’ve got is shorts ?????

S H I T

you start whining because you’re like aWW i’m gonna get in trouble :(((((

and he’s like here i have like 12 shirts in here because i always bring too many and then leave some when i got soccer practice i gotchu

(he gives you the clean shirt that hasn’t been sitting in his locker <3333 what a guy)

you thank him proFUSELY and then go to the girls locker room to change

the shirt is too big and you don’t wanna look like a Bag so you tie a lil knot in it in the front

you don’t look like a thot tho you just look Cute As Fuck

some girl in the locker room lets you borrow a hair tie and off we go !!!

it’s the first day so everyone literally just stretches and sits around talking

you’ve hashtag LOST mark and you don’t have any friends yet so you’re just chillin talking to the girl who gave you a hair tie because she seems nice and you got nothin better to do

you’re explaining to her how to take care of a succulent /properly/ when mark catches a basketball that was headed right for you yelling a watch it !!!! over his shoulder

he turns to you and giggles a little, nudging your foot with his

“you’re just a danger magnet aren’t you”

“i mean danger is my middle name so”

“uGH get your ass over here away from all those freshman hoodlums who think they can play”

you wave bye to your friend because there’s literal fear in her eyes at the sight of mark ??

you ask her what’s wrong later and she’s like oh it’s not him i just have a crippling fear of boys

(that’s a mood)

you and mark pass a volleyball back and forth and fuck around pretty much all period

this is actually the one (1) sport he isn’t good at thank GOD you were worried he had no flaws

at the end of the class you ask him if he wants his shirt back and he says, and i quote,

“nah you and your thot knot can keep it, looks cuter on you anyways”

you smack his arm for calling you a thot but then thank him anyways for the shirt and for calling you cute :))))))))

econ passes the same way except normal clothing and no sports

although mark does throw a wadded up piece of paper on you that says u want 2 hang w the boys n me after school ? if yes then breathe if no do a backflip

this headass boy

you throw it back so it bounces off his forehead and then nod to confirm you will

you don’t have any of the boys in your last class and you don’t where to meet up so you just kind of loiter by your locker since jeno’s is pretty close to yours and maybe they’ll meet here ????

luckily jisung spots you and is like hey what r u doin here aren’t u hanging with us after school??? cmon

you follow him out to the parking lot where they’re all gathered around jeno and jaemins vehicles because apparently they’re the only ones with actual cars

rip

they start waving too excitedly when they see you and mark smiles all big

wooOOO baby boy already has a crush on you :3

they’ve apparently already decided to go to chenles house because apparently he’s fuckin loaded

you don’t believe that for a sECOND because he’s wearing crocs and an old ass polo shirt but

we’ll see

you mark and renjun ride with jaemin while the Babies ride with jeno since he is able to ignore them being crackheads in the backseat and drive his vehicle without crashing

apparently they’ve cause multiple vehicular accidents ??? possibly the reason renjun doesn’t have a car ???????

who knows

y’all have a blast in jaemins car tho playing tokyo drift from the third fast and furious movie if u haven’t heard that shit plEASE GO LISTEN WHAT A SONG HEHEHHEHHEHE

you pull into this BIG ASS house and you’re like no fucking way dude

and everyone else in the car simultaneously says

“i know right ???”

y’all pull in and go inside and it’s real nice holy SHIT

chenle comes in cackling followed closely be jisung and more sedately by jeno who looks ready to fckin die

you pat him on the shoulder and go you did well, soldier

he salutes solemnly before breaking out into the smile

y’all know the one

you UWU right there on the spot but hold yourself back from poking his cheek and cooing

chenle then SCREECHES and yells

“WHO IS TRYNA PLAY JUST DANCE”

and everyone crowds into his living room

somehow the couch is big enough to fit all of you comfortably that’s fckin impressive

you play just dance for 3 whole ass hours and now you’re Tired and Ready To Go Home

there’s a bus stop nearby and you insist upon walking since jaemin already have you a ride here and you didn’t even have gas money to give him :(((

mark goes to since you have to catch the same bus

you hum as you skip around the sidewalk and he walks behind you smiling fondly while you twirl around

he recognizes the song and whistles along and wow !!!!

Harmony™️

when you get to the stop you’re like 5 mins early

so to entertain yourselves you play rock paper scissors and each time the winner gets to flick the loser on the forehead

mark is a sweet boy so he flicks softly but you go all out

wouldn’t be surprised if he had a bruise tmrw girly u need to chill

you sit on the bus together when it arrives since there’s actually room now and he slumps down low until his head is pretty much rested on your shoulder

(our man maurice sees and is like GET IT GIRL but only so you notice and you make threatening hand motions at him)

you’re not sure if he’s asleep so you stay extra still just in case

and no one needs to know you rested your cheek on top of his head

but when it gets to your stop you’re like mark? mark lee??? mork ???? wake up ??? and you nudge him a little with your shoulder and he sits up and rubs his eyes aW

he slow blinks at you and goes

“hm?”

and you’re like i uh gotta go now

and he’s like :/// okay i’ll see you tomorrow and stands up and gives you a half hug before you go

maurice is DYING in the front you’re going to kill him

you walk home with a smile on your face and again your mom is suspicious of your good mood but you’re like aw it’s nothin just had a good day at school made lots of friends !!!!!!

as summer turns into fall you make more friends but you mostly hang out with the boys because they’re funny and nice to you and also Mark is there and we love our boy

you guys all attend football games together and go absolutely ALL OUT for whatever the theme is

for example: the theme was halloween and you all dressed as god damn SMURFS

it was legendary there was not one bit of you all that wasn’t covered in blue paint

jisung almost fought some girl who thought he was from the movie Avatar until everyone was like jisung cHILL OUT ITS NOT HER FAULT YOURE VERY TALL AND COMPLETELY BLUE

and well

can’t argue with that

it gets chillier though so you all bring blankets and cuddle most of the games

all of the boys suspiciously aren’t cold at first until you and mark share a blanket

they’re so obvious GOD

with each time y’all share you get more relaxed around each other until eventually mark has one arm slung around you and your legs are hooked over one of his thighs while y’all Snuggle

renjun waggles his eyebrows at you every five minutes and you discreetly give him the finger every time

little ASSHOLE

college applications are due like. right now

you all apply to a nice university close by as a backup/safe place and then apply to more brazy places just to see if you can get in

everyone’s been real stressed lately so you’re like !!!!! hey imma throw a friendsgiving party !!! yeehaw !!!!!!!!!

and you invite all of them over

“everyone bring smth and i’ll bake a ham or smth,,, i swear to GOD if all of you show up with store-bought pumpkin pie. i will kill you and then myself”

“what’s with you and pumpkin pie?”

“jUST. don’t”

((((srry i’m projecting my hatred of pumpkin pie onto u reader heheehehheh))))

everyone comes over and it’s really chilly so you have a fire in the fireplace and you have a couple of your gal pals over too

your mom is nice enough to leave y’all alone for the night and she’s not hurt since it’s not real thanksgiving

we stan moms

you bring out the ham and someone has brought green beans and mark ,,,, tHAT ANGEL he brought cornbread stuffing do y’all know what i’m talking abt

OOO THAT STUFF IS GOOD

and there’s sweet potatoes and apple pie and all the Thanksgiving Essentials

jisung wanted to be a dick so he brought cranberry jelly

“why don’t you have some:) cranberry preserves:) , jisung” -you, every 30 seconds

everyone sits down to eat and it’s LOUD so you’re like shut UP !!!!!!!!!!

“every1 say smth ur thankful for :3333”

“my family !!!!”

“you guys <3”

“awW BOOO” - everyone, while throwing things at jaemin

“my life !!”

“that i’m happy”

“gay” -chenle

“minecraft”

anyways no one took it seriously until it got to mark

“i’m grateful y/n moved here :))))))”

everyone goes KSKDDIDI and you blush and you’re like okay ily mark JSKKD

everyone EATS A LOT and then you go sit in a pile in the living room

you go to make hot chocolate for everyone and when you come back it’s , interesting how there’s only room for you next to mark . hm

you pass out the hot chocolate and everyone reaches Maximum Sleepytime

at this point you’re too tired to give a fuck and you just flop onto the couch next to mark and curl up into his side

he puts his arm around you to pull you close and this mf presses a tiny barely there kiss to your temple

you look up and like talk with your eyes

did u just

i did

yeah

and then you just settle back down

it’s too crowded in here for any Moves to be Made

bUT YALL BEST BELIEVE WHEN ALL THESE YOUNGINS GET OUT UR HOUSE

you’ve got the karate kid on bc ??? who doesn’t love the karate kid and all of your cutie friends are asleep in various places

but once it gets super late you start waking people up and going hey i love you but your mom called mine like 8 times you gotta gO

you make sure everyone is awake fully if they’re driving and to text you when they got home safe

at long last

you’re alone

in your house

with mark

actually where is mark

mark has disappeared ?????

you start looking around for him and find him in your room ???

“you snoopin thru my things ??!?!??”

he jumps and is like uHH but you’re like nah you’re fine idc

so he continues and he was really just lookin at what kind of books you have and the little drawings and paintings and knick knacks everywhere

you just sit on your bed and observe him

let’s be real he’s nice to look at and you’d be perfectly fine doing this for uhhh the rest of your life

he pulls a book off your shelf and starts flipping through it until he pauses at a page

and his face blooms into this big smile and he looks hella giddy

and you’re like uhh hey whatcha lookin at there bud

and he just keep smiling and it’s a little smug now wtf

“when were you reading this?”

“oh uh i don’t know i got it this summer at that cute little bookshop”

“was it, by chance, the day we met?”

“i mean maybe??? why ????”

and he shows you the page and it’s tHAT oNE WHERE YOU WERE DOODLING BITS OF HIM AND WRITING HIS NAME ALL OVER IT

FUCK !!!!!!!

you immediately turn tomato red and snatch the book in to hold it tightly to your chest

“uhhh i do that with uhhhh eVerYONE I MEET”

“aw i thought i was special:((((”

he’s creeping closer to you this whole time until he’s INCHES AWAY

he gently pulls the book out of your hands and places it aside before grabbing your wrists and uncrossing your arms

“personally, i think it’s really cute”

you blush even more this man knows what he’s doing

you mumble a thanks with your eyes trained on his fuzzy socks what a dork

he releases one of your wrists to push your chin up so he can look you in the eyes

“do you really do that with everyone you meet?”

“,,,,,,, no it’s just you”

“alright cool”

and then he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you close til you’re pressed together chest to chest AW

he nudges his nose against yours and you close your eyes because your god daMN HEART IS POUNDING AND YOU CANT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THOSE BIG PUPPY EYES

he presses the sweetest and gentlest of kisses to each cheek and then to the top of your nose

he presses one last lingering kiss on your forehead before he tilts his chin down to press your lips together

it’s so soft and innocent wow i’m going to SHED TEARS WRITING THIS

and he pulls away and you press your face into his neck in embarrassment

he chuckles a lil and rubs your back, leaning his cheek against your head

“hey, you down there”

you say “yeah?” but your voice is muffled by his neck and it’s more like eh ???

“my girlfriend y/n will you be ???”

what the fuck

you pull your head back so you can look at his face which is turning steadily redder

“uh what”

“shIT uh i meant will you uh bemygirlfriend”

your confused expression turns into a shit eating grin and you’re like

“what was that :)))) i didn’t hear you :)))))”

he groans and rests his forehead on your shoulder and pitifully whines out

“please be my girlfriend :(((((“

you pick his face up and hold it between your palms and he pouts playfully

“well how could i say no to that face”

and you smooch him right on those lil pouted lips

“yes i’ll be your girlfriend”

he smiles real big and smooshes you against him aw

wow so now you’re mark lee’s gf

LUCKY BITCH

lowkey you get a few threats but as soon as mark catches wind of that he stands on the statue in front of the school and announces that if anyone has a problem with you they’ve got a problem with him !!!!

and he looks like: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

you drag him down while apologizing to everyone in the general vicinity

mark is. veRY CLINGY NOW

i mean no complaints here it’s just

wow

you’ll be standing at your locker when BAM mark is wrapped around you from behind and you get a hey baby how’s ur day right in your ear

in gym class he restrains himself since the coaches are always like LEE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

but he always whines after and is like

:((((( but you look so cute in my shirt i wanna squish you

whenever mark comes over you force him to let you draw him at least once

each time it gets easier since you’ve started to memorize the details of his face and the knuckles of his hands and the shape of his shoulders

a lot of times he just comes over to watch movies and talk

he’s not an eloquent guy

(“you all look like pretty grass :)))” - mark lee)

but he gets what he needs to say out and he enjoys listening to you talk about whatever’s on your mind

you’ve started a glow in the dark star sticker collection to put on your ceiling and each time he comes over you put a constellation up there

so you’ll lay in bed and turn off the lights and just stare at the ceiling and try to name them all

soon you’ll just get sleepy though and press your face into his chest

he uwu’s every time :((((

after he’s done being astonished by his Baby™️ he’ll wrap his arms around you and stroke a hand up and down your spine wow

Real Relaxation Hours

your mom will come home and find y’all asleep and then SHE uwu’s and it’s just one big cute MESS

he loves to kiss you right as he’s leaving like he’ll lay one on you then RUN to the bus stop

p.s. maurice is on y’all every day saying he called it AY

his other favorite kisses are when he catches you off guard and just turns you around and kisses you and you’re like

I’m Confused But I Like This

lots of sweet pecks throughout the day and then longer slower stuff when you’re home and alone and relaxing

leaves hickeys on your neck literally just to be annoying

it’s oKAY THO DONT TELL HIM YOU LIKE IT

months pass and youve said your first “i love you’s” to each other and renjun is always like so when y’all gettin married huh

you both SMACK him simultaneously

but lowkey you would marry mark he’s the best and you love him so wHY NOT

but it’s early and you know that and you’re happy with what you have now :))))))

pls love and support our hardworking baby mark lee he is doing his best and i love him goodnight

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animentality · 6 years

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Controversial opinion.

Gun rights advocates aren't worth talking to at this point.

I mean come on, guys, you say the same things to them.

They say the same thing back.

You say, "guns are dangerous!"

They say "people are dangerous."

You say "kids are dying."

They say "So? Everyone dies."

You say "we need to protect them."

They say "no we don't, they need to protect themselves. By arming themselves. And learning that the only solution to shootings are more guns."

And it's pointless.

I’ve seen it, every goddamn time.

Since Sandy Hook. Since Pulse.

Like Christ, guns rights activists and pro gun control advocates on this site in particular, for the love of fucking god.

SAME. SHIT. EVERY. TIME. It’s a GODDAMN SCRIPT.

I have a SCRIPT for the two of you, it’s a political comedy, it’s called, “The Wheel of Inactivity.”

The idea is that two people spin an endless wheel of intellectual elitism as blood rains from the ceiling.

Sometimes one person drags the wheel slower, but it’s always spinning. Always going.

Blood keeps it flowing even when the two people stop.

The two people can leave the room, get a hot dog, laugh with their friends, watch their favorite tv show, but the blood is always there, turning that motherfucking wheel.

Someone on this site once said, if Americans weren't willing to change their gun laws after Sandy Hook, the literal slaughter of elementary school children, then they won't change them for anything.

Well you're right.

You will never convince people that their opinions are bullshit, and their parents and entire culture of warhawking gun waving political circle jerking is detrimental to this species as a whole.

I'm sorry, I know you're going to take this as me being awful.

in fact, im willing to bet you’re already in the replies.

“So you think we should just do NOTHING?”

“Don’t you care?!”

And if you’re pro gun, you’ve probably already got the word “stupid faggot liberal lol, as if i’d listen to his opinion.”

or if you consider yourself an intellectual or an enlightened fuckboy- i mean political activist, then you’ll have typed out some nonsensical rambling word salad that basically boils down to: “OP is dumb, because I think my opinion is valid.”

You’ll drag out a thesaurus and some statistics, or you’ll resort to intellectual and political name calling.

you’ll say, “OP is literally just saying our opinions don’t matter, lol, what an ad hominem argument.”

Well.

Stop right there, both of you. I don’t care.

The latter I don’t care about, because I’m used to people spouting nonsense so bizarre that it’s not even possible to argue against since it’s literally founded on no discernible human logic on this site, and i’m immune to it now.

The former because...and this is more complicated.....

Because this site is "dedicated" to social change or whatever, and feels that I should be passionate and "determined" to always keep fighting.

And all of you, people who know me and people who don’t, will be upset, and say, “So what, you don’t CARE? you don’t want to CHANGE THE WORLD FOR THE BETTER? if you don’t TRY to care then things will never CHANGE.”

But I'm sorry.

I'm fucking tired. I'm sorry. I'm tired of being angry.

Being angry hasn’t helped anyone. Not myself. not others.

you can advocate all you want, but you’ve never really addressed the real problems at the root of all human ills, of the diseased American mentality, specifically.

You're all just saying the same thing you've always said.

Surface level political mottos.

slogans, that only make people who agree with you...continue agreeing with you.

You're not contributing anything to the discourse. No one is.

We’ve all spouted statistics at one another.

We’ve all thrown real life examples around like knives.

We’ve used ethos, pathos, logos, used memes, onion articles, called each other nasty names, and rallied our supporters to back us up.

Never changes.

It’s a war of ideology, with real life suffering and pain attached to it.

It’s a lived reality of warring ideologies, and it’s really just a cover for bigger problems.

For problems we refuse to look at.

Problems that are much harder to stomach than “more/ less gun regulations!”

Problems that question what we are, who we are, as human beings in a universe filled to the brim with things we don’t deserve to discover.

Problems that shape not just lives, but the fate of the entire species itself.

But no, no, those are problems no one wants to think about, or is capable of thinking about.

They’re problems tumblr has discussed before. Come near. Brushed the surface of.

But it could never truly discuss these cultural, ingrained problems, because it would mean admitting that there are problems in its OWN mob mentality, mob justice, and desire to ensure conformity of opinions.

So what are we left with?

Surface level arguments.

Class-based. Regional. Moral.

Every fucking argument has been said on this fucking site, and it’s been said by slime ball politicians to one another for the past thirty years.

Never changes, the argument.

And you're not changing each other either.

It’s not like anyone on this site is even trying to do that either.

You can’t tell me, looking at pro gun advocates, that they’re really trying to change people. They’re just trying to protect their own opinions.

It bothers them, you know, when you call them pro-murder.

Same as it bothers you when they call you pro murder when it comes to abortion.

It doesn’t even matter if they call themselves liberals or anarchists or whatever, if they say they believe in this or that.

All that matters is this ONE fucking opinion.

And why?

I don't know a single pro gun rights activist who's ever changed their mind, just like I don't know a single pro gun control advocate who's changed their mind.

And that’s important.

Because we aren't living in an atmosphere of respectful opinions.

We live in perpetual ideological war.

There’s no goddamn room for leeway.

People live political ideologies like lifestyles now.

Either people don’t give a single shit about politics until they affect them, or they care so much they’ll start sending death threats and rioting.

There’s no in between.

There’s no political engagement without people losing their fucking minds, and you know what?

It’s not even Trump’s fault, this shit has just always existed.

This dichotomy, between people aware of their surroundings, and people who aren’t. people who are privileged, and are aware of politics, people who aren’t privileged and only care about politics as far as they directly affect how they get food to the table.

or the opposite, people who are privileged, and can ignore politics, and people who’re so lacking in privilege that they need to be aware of them.

It’s always existed.

I think the human brain is just stupid and one-track-minded that way.

So politics, affecting people outside of yourself, is very much some shit you can ignore when it’s not bothering you.

They’ve just been exacerbated and deeply personalized by what Trump’s brash ass-braying brings out of people.

Suddenly we have a president who regurgitates whatever fecal urgency builds up in his bowels out his mouth.

And now we have people who were previously keeping their dumbass opinions to themselves feeling brave.

and you know what, that’s not so bad, because people who’d oppose them are coming out to do it too.

It’s good to have an honest discussion. bring the filth into the light. no more hiding, no more pretending america is progressive. no more pretending america isn’t racist, isn’t disgusting.

bring out the worst you’ve got, so we can make ourselves better.

but it also sucks because the thin veneer of civilization was stripped back.

now it’s a war, not a discussion. it’s a battle, not a debate.

it’s personal. it’s a meme. it’s a life or death situation. it’s “meaningful” philosophically. it’s economically significant.

we attribute so much meaning to these things, and they do have meaning, but what is meaning?

well.

we have this horrible evolutionary mechanism we’ve developed to survive.

it’s called culture.

but we also have this thing called maladaptive cultural adaptation.

you know what that means???

it means humans are so intelligent that we’ve become confident in our survival abilities and refuse to adapt or push our past moral boundaries because we think we’re somehow better than every other species on this planet, evolving to survive.

and thus we keep cultural adaptations that fucking suck just because it’s comfortable, and normal.

this means that we’re probably going to drive ourselves into extinction.

North vs. south. West vs. east. Regional elitism. Intellectual elitism. Class war.

Let’s all complicate survival, let’s value groups over others.

Let’s use our amazing ability to organize, to cooperate, and control one another to kill specific groups of ourselves.

let’s use our intelligence and ability to recognize value in the most warped, twisted, and self-destructive way possible!

Ready? Execution by firing squad!

All hail human logic.

We’ve come so far, from shoving arrows up each others’ assholes. now we have nuclear arsenals, perfect for destroying buildings, the environment, and huge segments of the human population on earth!

space is fucking infinite, and there’s water on europa, but hey, we’re human! we’re so important, we could never drive ourselves into extinction.

sure.

ok.

So GREAT.

Argue all you want, friends and enemies alike, we’ll just all sit here and talk and do nothing until the planet melts around our ears.

Perpetual ideological warfare is now moral warfare too. Tumblr liberalism deems the enemy amoral in every way possible, complete garbage, monsters, despicable, don’t treat these nutjobs like people.

White supremacist, gun toting, counter culture, middle class to working class emotionally unbalanced warhawks see enemies everywhere, and a race war coming.

SURE, guys, THE MOST INTELLIGENT SPECIES.

Kills its own members for sport, loves the tools it has to wipe out its own miserable species with the touch of a button, worships the toys we use to disfigure and dismember our own people, but heyyyy, culture am i right.

that biophysical behavioral adaptation that was supposed to keep us alive, but is actually just driving us all to the brink of madness, then death.

So my question to you.

Confused follower, or random dude who happened upon my post in the politics or gun control or whatever tag.

How can you all stand it? Are you young? Passionate? Still believe things can change?

Are you old/older? Believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong?

On both sides, are you people genuinely trying to make the world better?

Or are you just convinced you must prove you’re right, to someone else?

Does anyone care, about the children who died?

If you do, regardless of which side you’re on, can you tell me why you’re in the tag, saying the same things you always say?

"this is horrible...ban all guns now!"

"America cares about murder when it's abortion but doesn't care about the murder of literal children."

"this is all trump had to say!"

vs.

“guns will still be bought illegally!”

“oh what’s next, liberals, you want to ban cars? they’re just as deadly!”

“statistically, this country/ state with lots of guns has LESS Violence than anywhere else on the planet, and here’s why this last shooting really doesn’t matter-”

you can argue all you want on the internet.

They call you a liberal retard and a communist, you play intellectual and moral progressive elitist, they inevitably snap back at you for being "dumberer" than them.

Am I the only one who's passed the point of being argumentative?

There's so much to be angry about nowadays, I just can't do it anymore.

Being angry is a damn chore and I just don't know what either of you can do, especially on this fucking site.

I just want some goddamn peace of mind before the flood God will inevitably send us for disappointing him comes.

Lmao.

God.

God, please, if you’re out there.

Just wipe us out.

Bring back dinosaurs.

They’ll create a better world.

And as some insurance, because I know this post will outrage people on both sides of the Argument, the one I could sing in my sleep, I’ll just end with this:

Anything you could ever say to me has cultural contexts, nuances, meanings, significance. And yet, nothing you ever said to me would matter one bit, if I didn’t speak your language, if I was born somewhere else, raised completely differently, and desired nothing to do with you.

The only thing that could bridge this nigh impossible gap would be the fact that we are both human. that we share dna, biology, an ancestral history.

but it doesn’t matter.

because we, the wisest of them all, have decided that it is not humanity that makes us special, or makes our lives mean anything.

it is not what we are.

it is not our ability to understand one another. to speak, to express complex thoughts or emotions, to have emotions so deeply meaningful to our kind, and in a way no other species could feel, understand, or appreciate.

it is not our ability to feel love, grief, joy, rage, fear, hope, nor is it blood, bone, skin, brain cells, the mundane and miraculous concoction of the human biological make up that makes us so perfectly suited for cooperation with one another and nature without self immolation.

it is culture.

something we made up, to survive.

something that is nice, that is lovely, that keeps us alive, still, but is also the single most defining and dividing biological adaptation of all of earth time.

something which we could remember is made up, malleable, subject to change, but we don’t, because we desire security more than we need freedom.

that’s what we now use.

to decide who deserves to be alive, and who deserves to die.

what part of the species is “how all humans should be” and what part isn’t.

what a species.

the most intelligent one on earth, huh?

earth really was dealt a bad fucking hand by the cosmic forces that be.

#people are going to be so mad at me for this but i dont care #how can you stand it #how can you argue with each other #how can you keep saying the same goddamn thing over and over again like a horrible broken record #both of you #gun nuts and anti guns #theres so much more here than a simple policy issue theres the entire state of the human race #of the american culture #and of culture itself #im sickened #im sorry #the shooting was horrible #and im not and will never disparage or say that the lives lost dont matter #but god look at the bigger picture #look at this enormous universe we live in #our species is small pathetic and violent #we have nothing but dreams #and these dreams are becoming nightmares #our aspirations mean nothing anymore when they're backed by culture #culture is the bane of the human existence #it binds us when it shouldnt #it hurts us when it was originally supposed to help us survive #we are not a species long for this world if we cant realize this #so many fucking detrimental cultural adaptations that keep us from saving ourselves #im sorry i wish i could just write an anti nra post #but ive reached acceptance #im sorry for texas i really am #but how can any of you stand this anymore #doesnt it make you feel more than frustrated #how can you still argue when the human soul is tearing itself into pieces agonizing over right and wrong

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fortunately-bi · 6 years

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The Folly of Alchemists part 1

A/N:The Folly of Alchemists is an idea I’ve been sitting on for a while now, the setting is a steampunk victorian era, machines and science are just started to become a normal part of every day life, but theres still some traditional victorian factors. think if bioshock and bloodborne had a baby. the story jumps from character to character, the main three being Moira, Angela and Gabriel. more will be explained in part 2, i just wanted to throw an intro out there.

Moira O’Deorain

I’ve always been a woman of the sciences. I’ve prided myself in my accomplishments, particularly in the medical field, but I could hardly wrap my head around the machines that have so quickly become a part of day to day life. But Angela, sweet Angela, with her honey blonde hair, she knew such things better than I. She's created magnificent tools to heal people, written medical texts used by almost every scientist in modern day. She was going to save the world, I just knew it. And I’ve vowed to myself that I will help her. Though my sciences mostly involved poking around corpses, researching disease, and studying the way the human body functions and evolves, I would give all I could to help Angela.

“Moira!” The sweetness of her voice caught me completely off guard, especially while she was so high in my thoughts. I tried to hold back the rising blush in my ears, I felt embarrassed, like she could read my mind. Like she could tell how I was thinking of her.

“Ah, Angela! What brings you here? My office isn't exactly the coziest of places for conversation.” I say, gesturing to the body on the table. A murder victim, he was thirty five years of age. Something had drove his wife mad and she turned a knife on him. I was struggling to figure out just how many times she had stabbed him, his stomach was nothing more than mangled gore. The woman was now under Angelas care, the woman was showing symptoms unlike anything we've ever seen, she had also said something about wanting to try to fix her mental state. Yet another field she was good at, getting into the heads of others.

My thoughts had wondered again until Angela snapped me back to focus with a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright, dear?” she asked pressing the back of her hand to my head. She had to stand on her toes to get a better look at my face. How cute. “I’m fine,” I hushed her, taking her hand in mine “My head is just in the clouds today.” I smile. I felt her hands on my chest and she leaned up closer to my face, pinning me between her and the table. “And where in those clouds might that brilliant mind be drifting to?” the softness of her voice matched her perfume, and I felt the tips of my ears begin to heat. “Darling, we are being watched.” I broke the mood, again gesturing to the body on the table that I hadn't had the second to cover since Angela stepped in. She was one for teasing me, but she was never so bold. She stared at the corpse for what felt like moments too long, before stepping away from me with a shaky laugh. Her face twisted in discomfort as I pulled the sheet over the body. I knew she was thinking of the man's wife. I knew she wasn't getting any better. And I knew how much that ate her up.

“How is-?” I began before she shook her head. “She’s dead.” she said with a heavy breath. I could feel my anxieties stir, this was going to eat at her for a long time. I put my arms on her shoulders and she leaned into my chest, I could feel her fighting back a sob. This also explained the rather bold move of pinning me between her and the table. She wanted to take her mind off of it. “Can we go home now? It's nearly midnight.” she choked, voice muffled against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. “Goodness, so late? You must be spent.” She gripped onto my shirt till I pulled away to fetch my coat.

“No cane today?” She asked, softly taking my hand after sliding my gloves on. “Not today, I feel well enough to walk on my own.” I said.

While locking up my office, Angela walked over to my horse Shadow, speaking softly to him, scratching his nose. She was always so gentle with living things, animals seemed to flock to her.

I knew she wasn't particularly fond of my form of transportation, minus Shadow. Having a carriage used to carry the dead to and from my office made for an uncomfortable, grim ride, but the fatigue weighed heavy enough in her eyes that she seemed unbothered.

The ride was very quiet, and I knew better then to push her to speak about whatever events were eating at her. At her own pace she would eventually talk about it, and that was fine with me. As we came to the turn towards her home, she clung to me. “Can I stay with you tonight?” she mumbled. I sighed, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’ve no clothes with you for tomorrow, and you’re helpers will surely worry for you.” I wanted to give her more reasons but I could think of none, and her grumbling against my arm made it clear she was glued to the seat if it meant going anywhere without me. Not that I minded her staying with me, not that she hasn't before, but it always manages to catch me off guard when she does thing like this. Shadow grew restless, and so I jerked the reigns towards my home. I could feel her jerk awake every now and then for the rest of the ride.

It was a pleasant surprise to see Gabriel when I walked in carrying Angela. From the open cabinet and redness in his cheeks, I could tell he had been drinking. It didn't surprise me any, but I had not seen him in months after he vanished without a word. As soon as he noticed Angela, half asleep in my arms he took a step back and gave me space while I brought her to the guest room. Or so I thought till I felt the tug on my sleeve and a heard a muffled grumble. “Do you want to join us for a drink first?” I asked as she peeked one eye open at me. She shook her head and pointed at my room. “Your bed is more comfortable.” she mumbled. I don't know what I expected, trying to bring her to the guest room. “... And I don't want to sleep alone tonight.” that caught me off guard. Something worse than she was letting on has happened. I won't push her, I shouldn't. It would only make her upset.

I helped her get comfortable on my bed and tucked her in with that fur blanket she loved. My little black cat, Brimm, wedged himself under her arms purring. Before I left the room the broach on her shirt caught my eye, the silver trim and mysterious blue stone reflecting the candle light. I thought of the day her mother died. Angela was so young, so undeserving of death. I will make sure that day never happens again.

I managed to pull away from Angela to join Gabe for a quick drink. Or what is to hopefully be only one drink. It's been almost a month since I have seen my best friend, especially in such high spirits. The stress had carved permanent wrinkles on his face last I saw him. I know Morrison was hard on him about their military ways, ways I wanted no part of and had no interest in. I knew Gabe was looking to get away from it all, find a girl or guy and travel. We were close like that at one point, but there were things we never quite saw eye to eye on, things too big to ignore. He seems happier being a free spirit, traveling as much as he can, seeing the world from a view other then down the barrel of a gun or dripping with blood. Im perfectly fine being stationary, focused on my work.

His pat on my back just about knocked the wind out of me. He smiled ear to ear, his scars and wrinkles cracking his handsome face. “So, should I assume any creaking I hear tonight is a ghost causing a ruckus in your room?” he slurred. I choked on my wine and he laughed continuing to poke at me for the way I fancied Angela. I tried to convince myself the heat in my cheeks was just the wine, but after I finished the glass I could kid myself no longer. “Enough Reyes! Now tell me, where have you been off to? What happened to that bright eyed lass who was always at your hip?” I took my turn to tease him, and at least try to find out where he's been. He left without any warning, if it weren't that it was normal for him to do so I’d be much more relieved to see him. He grunted and slurred something to himself, for a second I thought I heard him mention Morrison. “The draft caught her. She was an excellent navigator and sailor, so they asked her to join one of the navy ships.” he grunted bringing his glass to his lips. His face held something like regret across it. “If it weren't that she needed some kind of money…” I shifted. This was a very sensitive topic, Gabriel was not a rich man, he came here with nothing. He tried to flee from the war only to get pulled back into it, just on a different side. A side he very much did not have positive feelings towards. I was the one who kept them from throwing him in a cell after they found him a stowaway on a supply ship. I let him stay at my small place, only asking that he kept it clean and watched my cat while I was gone. As we became closer friends I cared less and less about how he spent his own time.

But I know he still had little money. The military pays like shit, but you can only do odd jobs here and there with the time you get away. Part of why he's stuck here is because Morrison is intent on that. My mind drifted once again, darker thoughts then the ones Angela brings. I want the war to end as badly as I want to help Angela, because ending the war means I can help Gabe. What if both sides never stop fighting? Whose blood will it take for the fighting to stop?

Gabe whistled, catching on to my head being elsewhere. He looked concerned before smiling. “It's late and you look exhausted. Your soul practically leaves your body at times when you're this tired. Go sleep, keep Angela warm.” he said with a wink as he got up and walked towards his own room. I stretched out, took one last big sip of wine before putting out the candles and the fireplace, then trudged off to my room.

I was taken aback walking into my room to see Angela standing there, seemingly wide awake. She stroked the strange blue gem on her broach, before her attention shifted to me. She looked startled to see me and I rubbed my eyes. “Oh, Angela, I thought you would still be-” she collapsed without a word, fast asleep again. Now I’m the one standing here, trying to figure out what just happened. Angela has stayed with me before, and she was no sleep walker.

I was much too intoxicated to try to figure this out right now. I lifted her back into bed, after cursing myself for being a lightweight, and struggling to get ready for bed I crawled in with her. A few minutes later I felt her wrap her arms around me, scooting closer to me. Her skin felt awfully warm, maybe she had a fever? I was too tired to check, and despite my efforts, exhaustion over took me and I fell asleep.

Angela Ziegler

She thinks I can't read her mind. And she's partially right. I can't read her mind, but i can tell when she's thinking of me. It’s like a strange pull in her direction, followed by a sudden emotion. Anywhere from a flutter in my chest, to something that, admittedly, leaves me squeezing my legs together. I’m doing my best to ignore it, such a thing reeks too much of witchcraft and brings back bad memories. Frankly I’ve had enough of both for a while.

But as I stirred awake before Moira, I couldn't escape the feeling that she was dreaming of me. I didnt know about what specifically, I could just tell she was. I crawled out of bed, grumbling at the bruises on my legs. I was getting them even here. Every morning I wake up I have more purple spots along my legs. And although I got better sleep here then I have anywhere else in a long while, I still feel as though I’ve been up all night. My legs ached.

I trudged into the kitchen and found Gabriel slumped against the counter preparing coffee, grumbling about having a headache. “Would you like me to help you with that, Gabe?” I nudged him. His face lit up and his warm laugh was comforting to hear after so many weeks. “No thank you Angela, just had too many glasses of wine with Moira last night. But it's good to know I have my own little doctor looking out for me.” he said. We talked over tea before I heard a knock at the door. Gabe motioned for me to go answer it, gripping his head and groaning at the fast paced knocks ringing through the house. When I opened the door a familiar fast paced scout was smiling brightly before me.

“Oh, Lena, what brings you here today?” I asked her before hearing a window slide open. “Hey you little prick, what did I tell you about you bringing your dashy arse up to my doorstep!” Moira shouted from a window, her accent suddenly thick. I groaned, the two were about to go at each other again.

“Oh, come now Moira, why do you always have to be like this?” Lena beamed, her smile stretching ear to ear. “Is there any reason in particular you even dislike me?” she rocked on her heels. A groan for Moira.

“Oh you fucking Brits thinking you can just go wherever you please without asking-” Moira started before Lena cut her off. “Morrison sent me.” Moira grew quiet, and even Lenas smile faded a little. “He wants to speak with you all,” she stuck her head in the doorway past me and I heard Moira run down the hall ready to chop her head off for daring. “That means you too, Reyes!” Lena shouted in the kitchen. Gabe leaned around the corner giving Lena a playful, grumpy look. “How did he even know I was here?” he groaned. Lena stuck her tongue out at him. “The Amari’s are in town, Ana saw you skulking around the shadows.” she said, pulling her head back just in time to miss a cane swinging at her head. “Moira, please, I am not at work if you crack open her skull I cannot do anything.” I said trying to keep her from escalating things, while also trying to keep my own head on my shoulders. I barely had three sips of my coffee before this all started, it was much too early for me to deal with a cracked skull. I looked at Lena who was making faces at Moira. After a disapproving grumble she stopped. “I'm assuming Morrison is wanting us to see him as soon as possible?” I asked, pushing Moira away from the door. Lena nodded, giving us a few brief details before taking off.

I watched Moira walk back to her room grunting, a limp in her step more visible today. “Moira, I know you don’t like Morrison to see it, but please use your cane today.” after a loud groan and some poking from Gabe, she agreed. I grabbed my coffee from the kitchen and joined Moira in her room. I think I’ve calmed down enough to share with her what happened yesterday. I was so tired from it all I wasn’t able to stay awake long enough to talk to her about it.

I probably should have knocked. No, I definitely should have knocked. Moira wasn’t terribly muscular, but she was lean enough from moving bodies around all day the her abs showed when she flexed. I could hardly move from the doorway at the sight of her top half bare and out while she had her boot up on the bed attempting to tie it. “Uh- I’m sorry!” I backed up only to bump into Gabe. “Am I interrupting something?” he teased, wiggling his eyebrows. “If I recall, Morrison wants to see us immediately.” Despite the pain in her legs, Moira had her finger in his face in a near instant. “Gabe, you better watch yourself or you’ll be the next person I’m carving up in my office.” she said, before she wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into the room. Gabe gave her a shrug before she slammed the door.

“Busy morning, is it not?” I stuttered out, trying to keep my eyes from drifting in her direction. She grumbled, still trying to tie her boots. Her head was in the clouds again, she seemed distant and focused on something other then her surroundings. I could see the pain it was causing her trying to bend down to tie her laces. “Here, let me help you.” I bent down and tied her laces but when I looked up, her face looked like it was about to crack from worry. She and I are scientists, we’ve both contributed a lot to the world in our own ways. For Morrison, a man of war, to ask to speak to us directly? The intentions can’t possibly be the best. There's also Gabe and what they might do with him now that he’s back. Her pains in her legs can’t be helping her deal with this either.

I could tell I was in her thoughts again, too. I looked up, her mismatched eyes meeting my own. I felt an incredible flutter in my chest, one that made me gasp lightly. “Are you ok?” Moira asked holding my chin up. She looked like she was about to cry, maybe this wasn’t the best time to talk about what happened yesterday. I’ll tell her later. The events of the past few hours have clearly pushed her past her limits, she had a lot on her mind, things she had no control over. I know she hated it.

It was easy to misread my intentions, me knelt down on the floor between her legs while she sat on the bed. I only wanted to comfort her, I traced circles and lines on her stomach, feeling her relax beneath me. She took a deep breath. “Okay. I’m okay.” she got up and we finished getting dressed.

#overwatch #angela ziegler #moira odeorain #moicy #the folly of alchemists #you can tell i reached a point where i was just dead tired #angela is hard to write #moira is so natural for me idk why #gabe and moira are next

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