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leahsgf · 2 months

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why can’t i say that i’m in love

katie mccabe x fem!reader

vaguely inspired by secret love song by little mix! i can’t find the request to link it but anon you are a true soldier for waiting for this for how long you have so thank you for your patience!

underneath the fluorescent glow of the lights beaming across the emirates stadium, you stood on the sidelines, your usual spot - as you watched your girlfriend shine and showcase her talent on the pitch. the chants of her name echoed around you when she won the ball through one of her famous tackles, and you couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride in your chest, knowing that you were surrounded by thousands of people equally as captivated by the irish woman as you were.

well, maybe not in the exact same way that you were, but they didn’t know that. nobody did. here, you were merely an addition to the blur of red and white shirts and scarves in the stands.

just another voice, merging with all of the others belting the chorus of ‘the angel’.

nothing special.

and with that thought, the cheers and applause surrounding you quickly became almost taunting, leaving a sense of unease lingering in the depths of your soul. behind the facade of her fame and success, and you being simply a fan, another face in the crowd making up a sold out stadium, lay a hidden truth. a truth that threatened to tear apart the already incredibly fragile fabric of your relationship.

you and katie had fallen in love against all odds and expectations, drawn together by what you would call fate - and a passion that transcended all possible boundaries. however, in a world, her world, where public image and professionalism was everything, especially with the way social media was changing - the revealing of your love would jeopardise not only katie’s career and standing within the football community, but your life too.

especially as you weren’t used to the madness of being a public figure.

katie had been in very public relationships in the past, and was determined this time to not give strangers, or to even her own ex a reason to merely look in your direction or attempt to ruin what the two of you had. you deserved more than being reduced to a gossip topic or stupid joke on a so called ‘podcast’ and your girlfriend insisted on not allowing this to happen to you. every move she made was plastered online and analysed to no end, and with that came walls and boundaries that she put up - and an even fiercer protectiveness over her loved ones. you particularly.

you had known this from the get go, and you knew more than anything that she loved you. but there were moments where your resolve cracked, and insecurities slipped through your one innocent, almost naive bubble of love.

as the final whistle blew, signifying a well earned arsenal win, you hung back - allowing the crowds around you to eventually disperse, with their signs begging for katie’s attention trailing by their feet, before finding your way to her, a well practiced routine that now didn’t even need to be said.

you hated that you felt envious of the fans around you, able to literally plaster their love for the girl, your girl, for everyone to see, without even an ounce of hesitation.

your usual car ride was oddly quiet on the way home, with you lost in your own thoughts and your girlfriend still winding down from the adrenaline rush of the game, and quickly sensing that something was up with you.

she knew that you had been struggling more and more with being almost like her little secret as time went on, and it killed her to watch you fade away before her eyes. but her desire to protect you was stronger than her ability to see just how much the tiniest action would affect you.

you knew it was playing on her mind too as she slipped her hand into yours when you were walking from the car up to her house. a short lived moment of happiness and almost relief, that you cut short when you noticed her head constantly turning - making sure nobody was watching, even in the darkness of the night enveloping you.

tears formed in your eyes at a speed in any other moment you would find embarrassing, as you dropped her hand and rushed ahead, ignoring her calls of your name trailing behind you.

and in an instant, her house, your usual refuge from the prying eyes of the outside world, turned from an escape to the place you were trying to hide from as you entered it, with katie not even a step behind you.

“baby please. talk to me.” her voice made you shiver, her being much closer to you than you had realised, and the scratch of her accent almost made you crumble entirely. it didn’t - but it did force your sudden guard down slightly, and allowed her to guide you towards the sofa with a hand on your back.

you sank into the plush of the cushions pathetically, a perfect match to the way you threw your head in your hands a second later. your thoughts were racing around your mind, and not showing signs of letting up for even a second. you’d gone from having one moment of vulnerability at a game to being convinced that your world was ending.

that you weren’t worth it, you never had been - and that she was going to leave you.

“sweetheart, look at me.” katie almost begged, now on her knees crouched on the floor in front of you, looking the most concerned you’d ever seen her, which made you feel beyond stupid.

you knew she loved you. any idiot could look at her now, notice the look in her eyes as she took in you and know that she loved you more than anything. so why was it so hard for you to see that?

why could you not just appreciate what you had and be happy?

any one of those fans sat around you tonight would kill to be you if they knew. and yet you’re near crying and refusing to look at her.

“it’s silly, i’m sorry, you had such a good game i shouldn’t be ruining it.” your words were no more than a mumble, spoken into the palms of your hands.

“no it’s not. nothing you feel is ever silly, i promise. talk to me.” she clasped your hands in hers, causing the now slowing tears to kick start again.

“i just- i’m just so tired of not being able to show the world how much i love you. i don’t want to be a secret anymore, all of the hiding is suffocating me and i don’t want that. i don’t want us to deny ourselves the chance to be truly happy. so many couples are out freely, why can’t we be like that? am i not enough? or do you not want to be with me? i- i just can’t do it anymore. i’m so sorry, katie.”

you closed your eyes when your ramblings trailed off into sniffles, not wanting to witness her reaction. she wanted this to be a secret - she was dead set on it. you weren’t prepared for this life. you didn’t know what it was like. all you thought would come from this conversation was her leaving you.

that surely was the only outcome here.

she didn’t reply for a few seconds. seconds that felt like hours as an unnerving, almost cold silence fell between the short distance between you.

“look at me.”

and for the first time since your emotions had taken over you - you made eye contact with her, staring into her eyes that you were convinced contained some kind of magic, holding the ability to completely bring down your walls just from a glance, every time.

“okay.” she spoke, so softly that you were almost convinced you’d misheard.

“okay what?” you looked at her, confusion visibly plastered all her your face - that in any other circumstance would’ve had her laughing and teasing you.

“we can do this.” her voice was so soft, so vulnerable that it made guilt seep into your veins.

“really, i don’t want you to feel forced i understand you don’t want-”

“baby. no. i want more than anything to show the world how much i love you. i just want to protect you from all of the negativity out there, but the last thing i wanted to do was push you away. if you’re ready, then so am i, kay?” she cut you off before you’d even had a chance to let your insecurities consume any more of you.

“and you are my absolute world. i’m sorry i let you doubt that for even a second. i love you so much it physically hurts - everything i do is for you, and i’m so beyond lucky to have you.”

and with her words, your tears returned once more - but instead for a completely different cause.

her lips were on yours in an instant, joining in a kiss that whilst mixed with salty tears - said everything that months worth of words could never.

you settled instantly in her arms, letting her hold you and literally kiss all of your troubles away.

“i’m gonna have to start training more then i guess!” she broke the first peaceful, happy silence of the evening abruptly, and confusing you even more than she had before at the randomness of her words.

“wait what? why?”

“because you are all mine. and look at ye! i’m going to have to fight off my competition now they’re going to know who you are!”

“there’s no competition, never has been.”

this is not proof read and is most likely the worst thing i’ve ever written but i was determined to actually get it out of my drafts

#katie mccabe #katie mccabe x reader #katie mccabe imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso #secret love song #literally my worst work yet #but it’s gay so it’s okay

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unadulteratedsoulsweets · 4 months

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A DC X DP IDEA #26

History hates Lovers

Imagine dis…

When Batman got lost in time it was said that he made some signs or even some symbols that send a message in the future. For example, a portrait that looked exactly like him or even a cave painting of a bat that looked too modernized to be from the early cavemen.

But it seems that we have forgotten that every change that he made whether it was just standing in a portrait as a background has a severe consequence in the time stream. The butterfly effect rests on the notion that the world is deeply interconnected, such that one small occurrence can influence a much larger complex system. The effect is named after an allegory for chaos theory; it evokes the idea that a small butterfly flapping its wings could, hypothetically, cause a typhoon.

Small changes could result in another and entirely new timeline, whether the changes were small enough that people don’t notice or large enough that people merely conceived it as normal.

But at the end of the day it still changes, so how did the timeline remain stable as it is?

(I am no expert in time travel so don’t get your hopes up, I do enjoy a good time travel or time travel -fix it fic in A03)

…

Bruce didn’t know where and when he is right now. Still weak and disoriented from the consent way he fell from each timeline. One moment he could be in the middle of a group of cavemen and then he was at the edge of a town in the Middle Ages.

He kept sending messages subtle as they may be, as long as they survived the passage of time and arrived to his future. He just hopes that his teammates can see his messages, especially with the flash in their midst who had both knowledge and experience in time travel.

He tried to fit in every time he tried to send a message as the last thing, he needed was to change the time.

…

But little did Bruce know the little messages he kept making and sending, despite their subtleness still created a butterfly effect. It makes some of the people in the period who were supposed to be in time to some event pause and take a look at the mysterious symbols and signs that Bruce made. Thus, making them late or even have some delay, thus creating a large domino effect that started small. From insignificant people, people who are just literally background characters who just have a very short greeting or meeting with someone in the event made the entire timeline crack.

Clockwork was looking at the time stream due to the fragile situation at hand. CW knew that this event was crucial for the Red Robin’s growth as a detective and vigilante. But the small cracks are turning into something unchangeable, CW knew that this was the only communication that the Dark Knight could send as well it was his way to get back to his own time.

Yet CW can see the cracks getting larger and larger, with each move that the Dark Knight made creating more holes in his known future. Usually, such events as the Dark Knight's faces don’t create any consequences or even affect the time stream of the said dimension as it was meant to be. An event unavertable in the end is more justifiable than the means.

But due to the Flash family going back in time as well the countless time traveler visitors made the time stream in that dimension week and prone to break in any given time. It was just a surprise to CW that it lasted so long.

CW found a solution in the form of his apprentice/ grandson, Phantom. Despite the young ghost being an Ancient of Space as well as the King of Infinite Realms he still needs a mentor to not only guide him to his new duties as an Ancient but also his responsibilities as the future High King.

Space and Time are two sides of the same coin thus CW ended up being the mentor of the young Phantom.

Clockwork sent Danny to not only seal in the cracks in the flow of time but also want some great-grandchildren, if you heard the last part then you heard nothing from me.

…

Danny didn’t know he was getting in when Clockwork sent him out to another errand at another time. He should have gotten used to CW’s vague and cryptic errands through time when he was a teen, but as he was sealing another crack from time, he saw something that shouldn’t be in the period. A man clearly from out of time trying and failing to fit in, though he may have fooled the locals but he had been traveling and fixing time since he was in high school.

At first, he looked perplexed but if CW didn’t mention anything then he won’t do anything.

But slowly Danny realized that whichever period the guy was in, it was where the next set of cracks would be, so Danny decided to follow the guy.

…

Bruce may still be weary and tired from the constant falling through time but even in his tired state can see that there is someone following him.

Every era there that man was, seemingly walking around aimlessly but then he noticed that he kept a good distance away from him.

Eventually, it led to and confrontation between the two males.

…

Danny who explained that despite having the power to travel through time cannot help Bruce as his little messages are creating small cracks in the time stream and are merely there to seal up the cracks, but offers news that he will get back to his own time.

Bruce who is just wishing for human contact that relates to him as well in the verge of going off to the Flash to stop going back in time for another chance to eat a breakfast that tasted better than before.

…

The two began conversing with one another and slowly fell in love.

…

Bruce is the first one to fall hard, Danny whose light-heartedness brought Bruce out of his shell. It had only taken a few conversations with each other to lose his shield around his heart. Danny both accepted both Bruce and Batman within him. Danny’s smile lights up Bruce’s world, at first Bruce tries to hide his feelings to Danny so as not to lose his only companion throughout the ordeal.

…

The two began dancing around their feelings and Bruce in an out of character of him sent a love letter and a poem to Danny when the ghost was needed somewhere else to seal the crack.

As old as I am, I have had the most dreadful experiences in love. I have a very dark past and I'm a damaged soul. My past experiences have groomed me into believing that there's no such thing as true love, but with you, I feel different. You make me fall in love with myself too. You always make me smile, and I'm scared. I'm scared to fall in love and get broken again, I'm scared to give my all, only to be used again, to get shamed and embarrassed. I've seen how careful and caring you are around me, but sometimes you give me a cold shoulder, and it's small things like these that break me. Please bear with me and be fragile. I come from a very painful past where I had to be a woman and have no say. All this love and affection is a little scary to me because I'm not used to it. I'm falling for you and I'm falling hard. I hope our love story has a happy ending. Know that I will always love and cherish you.

(Mmakoma Kamogelo. "My Confession." Family Friend Poems, September 6, 2016. https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-confession-2)

Danny who received the letter burned red from reading the poem to the point his freckles were the only thing prominent on his red face, Danny knew that this man was from the future and couldn't help but feel a little bit insecure. That man, the Batman is someone out of his league but sends out a letter and a poem of his own.

Published by Family Friend Poems September 2016 with permission of the Author.

My love for you is uncontrollable.

My feelings for you are unstoppable.

Can't go a day without thinking about you.

Without you, I'm not complete.

With you, my heart finds its beat.

My heart is filled with joy because of your love.

You are my strength, and without you I'm weak.

Before you came into my life, I was

Hopeless, lonely, sad.

When you showed up, I knew that you were sent to me. (Namely CW, Danny just knew that old Ancient did something)

You are always here to support me.

Your smile makes me shy,

And sometimes I wonder where you have been all this while,

But I'm just glad that I managed to get you in my life...

YOU FILL MY HEART WITH JOY!

(Mmakoma Kamogelo. "My Confession." Family Friend Poems, September 6, 2016. https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-confession-2)

…

When the two realized both were pinning to one another began sending each other little love notes, in the form of short poems to full-blown letters.

Both males whenever received a letter when one was apart, collected and hid it in a box to reread each stroke of the letter from the other, and whenever they were together, they just spent the entire day basking in each other’s presence.

Their little note exchange didn’t stop whenever Bruce fell to another period, Danny just followed him and started a new exchange mail of letters.

Of course, both used pseudonyms in their letters ranging from initials to fake names using only the letters from their names.

…

When Bruce was saved by Red Robin, he felt relieved as he could now stop falling into another period but another shock as he didn’t get to say goodbye to Danny.

Bruce knew that someday it come, but he was going to offer Danny the future with him. He is going to offer Danny the world, but it seems that it was never meant to be.

Maybe that’s why his past self never met Danny, too disappointed, too dejected to meet him once again.

…

It has been a few months since he came back to his future, it was another family outing organized by Dick.

It was a museum featuring the latest found by archeologists, as Bruce was surveying case to another case, he fell upon a worn-out parchment with his handwriting.

Wide-eyed, Bruce looked closely at the exhibit and found that the description said the letter was about a man named “Brooks” confessing his love in the form of a short poem to a woman named “Daniella” who had the same feelings as him but had other responsibilities to fully go where he is.

Bruce began looking at the other exhibits and there along rows and rows of his letter exchange with Danny from different periods.

Jason and Tim who were a few cases away from him began having a heated discussion with a stranger about the supposed woman in the letters being a man the entire exchange is between a pair of male couple, and the so-called Historians are hiding the fact that it was between men.

Bruce was about to interfere with the upcoming verbal fight when a stranger beside him commented that “Daniella” probably missed “Brooks” as the last letter and poem to the exchange when “Daniella” noticed that “Brooks” is no longer responding is…

(By E.E. Cummings)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)I am never without it(anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

(E.E. Cummings. "[i Carry Your Heart With Me(i Carry It In]." Family Friend Poems, https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/i-carry-your-heart-with-me-by-ee-cummings)

Bruce is startled as he doesn’t even notice Danny’s last letter to him when he takes a good look at the stranger…

…

There he is, Danny in his early 30’s looking at him with softness and deep love in his eyes and a gentle smile. As if he hadn’t waited centuries for Bruce to appear once again, and what looked like willing to wait once again for him.

…

PS: If someone out there wanted to continue or make a fic about this you are free to do so, don’t forget to tag me though.

PPS: As you can see, I have never fallen in love and please mind my poor and lack of love life in my life to relate to my work.

PPPS: I decided to post a bit early, I've got something going on to the actual February 14.

#dc x dp #dc x dp prompt #danny phantom #dp #danny fenton #ghost king danny

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cripplecharacters · 1 year

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Writing Intellectually Disabled Characters

[large text: writing intellectually disabled characters]

Something that very rarely comes up in disability media representation are intellectually disabled characters. There is very little positive representation in media in general (and basically none in media meant specifically for adults or in YA). I hope this post can maybe help someone interested in writing disabled characters understand the topic better and create something nice. This is just a collection of thoughts of only one person with mild ID (me) and I don't claim to speak for the whole community as its just my view. This post is meant to explain how some parts of ID work and make people aware of what ID is.

This post is absolutely not meant for self diagnosis (I promise you would realize before seeing a Tumblr post about it. it's a major disorder that gets most people thrown into special education).

Before: What is (and isn't) intellectual disability?

ID is a single, life-long neurodevelopment condition that affects IQ and causes problems with reasoning, problem‑solving, remembering and planning things, abstract thinking and learning. There is often delay or absence of development milestones like walking (and other kinds of movement), language and self care skills (eating, going to the bathroom, washing, getting dressed etc). Different people will struggle with different things to different degrees. I am, for example, still fully unable to do certain movements and had a lot of delay in self-care, but I had significantly less language-related delay than most of people with ID I know. Usually the more severe a person's ID is the more delay they will have.

Intellectual disability is one single condition and it doesn't make sense to call it "intellectual disabilities" (plural) or "an intellectual disability". It would be like saying "they have a Down Syndrome" or "he has autisms". The correct way would be "she has intellectual disability" or "ze is intellectually disabled".

Around 1-3% of people in the world have intellectual disability and most have mild ID (as opposed to moderate, severe, or profound). It can exist on its own without any identifiable condition or it can be a part of syndrome. There is over a thousand (ranging from very common to extremely rare) conditions that can cause ID but some of the most common are;

Down Syndrome,

Fragile X Syndrome,

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome,

Autism,

Edwards Syndrome,

DiGeorge Syndrome,

Microcephaly.

Not every condition always causes ID and you can have one of the above conditions without having ID as long as it's not necessary diagnostic criteria to be met. For example around 30% of autistic people have ID, meaning that the rest 70% doesn't. It just means that it's comorbid often enough to be counted as a major cause but still, autistic ≠ intellectually disabled most of the time.

A lot of things that cause intellectual disability also come with facial differences, epilepsy, mobility-related disabilities, sensory disabilities, and limb differences. A lot, but not all, intellectually disabled people go to special education schools.

Intellectual disability isn't the same as brain damage. Brain damage can occur at any point of a person's life while ID always starts in or before childhood.

"Can My Character Be [Blank]?"

[large text: "Can my character be [blank]?"]

The difficulty with writing characters with intellectual disability is that unlike some other things you can give your character, ID will very directly impacts how your character thinks and behaves - you can't make the whole character and then just slap the ID label on them.

Intellectually disabled people are extremely diverse in terms of personality, ability, verbality, mobility... And you need to consider those things early because deciding that your character is nonverbal and unable to use AAC might be an issue if you're already in the middle of writing a dialogue scene.

For broader context, a person with ID might be fully verbal - though they would still probably struggle with grammar, what some words mean, or with general understanding of spoken/written language to some degree. Or they could also be non-verbal. While some non-verbal ID people use AAC, it's not something that works for everyone and some people rely on completely language-less communication only. There is also the middle ground of people who are able to speak, but only in short sentences, or in a way that's not fully understandable to people who don't know them. Some might speak in second or third person.

Depending on the severity of your character's disability they will need help with different tasks. For example, I'm mildly affected and only need help with "complex" tasks like shopping or taxes or appointments, but someone who is profoundly affected will probably need 24/7 care. It's not infantilization to have your character receive the help that they need. Disabled people who get help with bathing or eating aren't "being treated like children", they just have higher support needs than me or you. In the same vein, your character isn't "mentally two years old" or "essentially a toddler", they are a twenty-, or sixteen-, or fourty five-year old who has intellectual disability. Mental age isn't real. Intellectually disabled people can drink, have sex, smoke, swear, and a bunch of other things. A thirty year old disabled person is an adult, not a child!

An important thing is that a person with ID has generally bad understanding of cause-and-effect and might not make connections between things that people without ID just instinctively understand. For example, someone could see that their coat is in a different place than they left it, but wouldn't be able to deduce that then it means that someone else moved it or it wouldn’t even occur to them as a thing that was caused by something. I think every (or at least most) ID person struggles with this to some extent. The more severe someone's disability is the less they will be able to connect usually (for example someone with profound ID might not be able to understand the connection between the light switch and the light turning off and on).

People with mild intellectual disability have the least severe problems in functioning and some are able to live independently, have a job, have kids, stuff like that.

What Tropes Should You Avoid?

[large text: what tropes should you avoid?]

The comic relief/punching bag;

The predator/stalker;

The "you could change this character into a sick dog and there wouldn't be much difference";

...and a lot more but these are the most prevalent in my experience.

Most ID characters are either grossly villainized (more often if they have also physical disabilities or facial differences) or extremely dehumanized or ridiculed, or all of the above. It's rarely actually *mentioned* for a character to be intellectually disabled, but negative "representation" usually is very clear that this who they're attempting to portray. The portrayal of a whole group of people as primarily either violent predators, pitiful tragedies or nothing more than a joke is damaging and you probably shouldn't do that. It's been done too many times already.

When those tropes aren't used the ID character is still usually at the very most a side character to the main (usually abled) character. They don't have hobbies, favorite foods, movies or music they like, love interests, friends or pets of their own and are very lucky if the author bothered to give them a last name. Of course it's not a requirement to have all of these but when there is *no* characterization in majority of disabled characters, it shows. They also usually die in some tragic way, often sacrificing themselves for the main character or just disappear in some off-the-screen circumstances. Either way, they aren't really characters, they're more like cardboard cutouts of what a character should be - the audience has no way to care for them because the author has put no care into making the character interesting or likable at all. Usually their whole and only personality and character trait is that they have intellectual disability and it's often based on what the author thinks ID is without actually doing any research.

What Terms to Use and Not Use

[large text: What Terms to Use and Not Use]

Words like: "intellectually disabled" or "with/have intellectual disability" are terms used by people with ID and generally OK to use from how much I know. I believe more people use the latter (person first language) for themselves but i know people who use both. I use the first more often but I don't mind the second. Some people have strong preference with one over the other and that needs to be respected.

Terms like:

"cursed with intellectual disability"

"mentally [R-slur]"

"moron"

"idiot"

"feeble-minded"

"imbecile"

is considered at least derogatory by most people and I don't recommend using it in your writing. The last 5 terms directly come from outdated medical terminology specifically regarding ID and aren't just "rude", they're ableist and historically connected to eugenics in the most direct way they could be. To me personally they're highly offensive and I wouldn't want to read something that referred to its character with ID with those terms.

(Note: there are, in real life, people with ID that refer to themselves with the above... but this is still just a writing guide. Unless you belong to the group i just mentioned I would advise against writing that, especially if this post is your entire research so far.)

Things I Want to See More of in Characters with Intellectual Disability

[large text: Things I Want to See More of in Characters with Intellectual Disability]

[format borrowed from WWC]

I want to see more characters with intellectual disability that...

aren’t only white boys.

are LGBT+.

are adults.

are allowed to be angry without being demonized, and sad without being infantilized.

are not described as "mentally X years old".

are respected by others.

aren't "secretly smart" or “emotionally smart”.

are able to live independently with some help.

aren't able to live independently at all and aren't mocked for that.

are in romantic relationships or have crushes (interabled... or not!).

are non-verbal or semi-verbal.

use mobility aids and/or AAC.

have hobbies they enjoy.

have caregivers.

have disabilities related to their ID.

have disabilities completely unrelated to their ID.

have friends and family who like and support them.

go on cool adventures.

are in different genres: fantasy, romComs, action, slice of life... all of them.

have their own storylines.

aren't treated as disposable.

don't die or disappear at the first possible opportunity.

...and I want to see stories that have multiple intellectually disabled characters.

I hope that this list will give someone inspiration to go and make their first OC with intellectual disability ! This is just a basic overview to motivate writers to do their own research rather than a “all-knowing post explaining everything regarding ID”. I definitely don't know everything especially about the parts of ID that I just don't experience (or not as much as others). This is only meant to be an introduction for people who don't really know what ID is or where to even start.

Talk to people with intellectual disability (you can send ask here but there are also a lot of other people on Tumblr who have ID and I know at least some have previously answered asks as well if you want someone else's opinion!), watch/read interviews with people who have ID (to start - link1, link2, both have captions) and try to rethink what you think about intellectual disability. Because it's really not that rare like a lot of people seem to think. Please listen to us when we speak.

Good luck writing and thank you for reading :-) (smile emoji)

mod Sasza

#mod sasza #writing intellectually disabled characters #neurodivergency #terminology #long post #writing advice #writing disabled characters #writeblr #writing reference #writing disability #writing tips #writing resources #writing help #intellectual disability representation

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violentdelightsandviolentends · 7 months

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I Know Places.

Synopsis - Jake always joked that he'd kill for you. One fateful day, he does just that.

Pairing - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Female Reader (Callsign - Ivy) - Bonnie&Clyde inspired au

Warnings - cursing. very near SA. mentions of abuse/assault. mentions of blood, gunshots and violence. mentions of suicide. please, do not read if any of these warnings will affect you.

Age Rating - 18+

Word Count - 3.1k

Author's Note - i'm not sure what happened, because this was really fluffy in my head. it ended up kind of dark, but i'm rolling with it. i like writing a different side of jake. just in time for halloween too. this was written for @laracrofted 1989TGM celebration!! <3

as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3

Masterlist. Inbox.

You stand with your hand on my waistline

It's a scene, and we're out here in plain sight

I can hear them whisper as we pass by

It's a bad sign, bad sign

Jake's always had impeccable timing.

He'd tell you, later, that he sensed it. Just knew. Felt it in his gut, some sort of warning from the universe. He had to get to you.

The Admiral has you half bent over the desk in his office, fingers twisted into your underwear. He's trying to pull them down your legs when the door swings open.

You're paralysed, frozen with fear. The look on your face must tell Jake enough. He gets the message, understands your silent communication.

The Admiral stops. Backs away. As if putting distance between you will erase what he's been caught doing. Trying to do.

You expect Jake to yell, fight, throw The Admiral across the room by his collar. You expect blood, bruises, broken skin and bared teeth.

All you're met with is silence.

Jake strides across the room towards you. Fixes your clothes, smooths down your hair. Wipes the tears from your cheeks. He snakes a hand around your waist and guides you out of the door. Not a word said.

Something happens when everybody finds out

See the vultures circling, dark clouds

Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out

It could burn out

"He'll ruin my career."

You're tucked into Jake's lap, legs slung over his hips as he holds you close. His rough fingertips run themselves up and down your spine, comforting and gentle. You inhale his musk, letting the familiarity fill your lungs.

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby."

"That won't matter."

The two of you are whispering, hushed voices bouncing off the furniture. You're alone together in Jake's living room. There's no one else around. You think he's scared he'll spook you. You're right.

"I worked so hard for this, Jake. I sacrificed everything to get into Top Gun."

"I know, baby."

"I can't lose it all."

He presses a tender kiss to your forehead, brushing your hair back from your eyes.

"What do you want to do? Report him?"

"Jake, you're not listening to me. He'll ruin my career."

"But he's the guilty one. Not you."

"Yeah, well. This is the way it works. Men can assault you and still play the victim."

You're frustrated, now. There's something bubbling, running through your veins. You can't put your finger on it. It feels like more than rage. Whatever it is, it's lethal.

You climb off Jake's lap and stand, pacing across the carpet.

"What am I supposed to do?" you murmur, tears threatening to spill.

Jake can't stand the wobble in your voice. It tightens something in his chest, pulls at his heartstrings. He was furious, before. He's just sad now.

"I'll do anything you ask," he tells you, standing up to cradle your face in his hands. "Anything in the world."

"I know."

And you do. That's what it's like, being with Jake. He loves so entirely, with his whole being. Every fibre of his heart belongs to you. It beats to the rhythm of your name.

"Just tell me what you wanna do, baby. I'm on your side. No matter what."

You lean up to kiss him, his lips soft and careful against yours.

"I'm not sure, yet. When I know, you'll know."

Jake sits back down on the couch, pulling you with him. You tuck yourself into his side, fitting there perfectly. He slings an arm around your waist and keeps you close, holding you a little tighter than usual.

Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes

And guns

They are the hunters, we are the foxes

And we run

"We should kill him."

You're strewn across Jake's chest, tangled in the sheets. Your limbs and hearts are intertwined, bodies drenched in sweat and lungs heaving.

"What?"

You sit up, pulling the comforter up and over your body slightly to combat the chill of the ocean breeze that's filtering through the open window.

"Let's kill him."

You look over to your boyfriend, waiting for the punchline. It never comes.

"Jake."

He turns to you, the most serious you've ever seen him. There's a look in his eye you've never seen before. It's dark. You're vaguely aware you should probably feel fear - but all you feel is anticipation.

"How many girls do you think he's done this to before you? How many will come after?"

You swallow, biting at your lips.

"He needs to be stopped, baby. You and I both know they won't fire him. He needs to be taken out of the equation altogether."

You realise, suddenly, that the thing you're worried about isn't the morality of the situation. It's the logistics. You don't want to get caught.

"Do you think we're smart enough to get away with murder?"

"Baby," he drawls, brushing his knuckles over your cheekbone. "We're a hell of a lot smarter than people give us credit for."

You know he's right. People underestimate both you and Jake. Everyone assumes he's nothing but a pretty face and toned muscles. That you're just his pilot girlfriend, seduced by his Southern charm and the fact that he's good in bed.

It seems like a challenge, now. You want to do this. You want to see if you can get away with it. You're already on the precipice of losing everything - why not go out with a bang?

"How would we do it?" you ask, leaning in closer to the blonde man next to you.

He thinks for a moment, running his fingers up and down your bare thighs.

"I say we make it look like a suicide. Shoot him in the head and frame it so it looks self inflicted."

You nod, processing.

"I think we should hold him at gunpoint first. Get him to write a confession, some sort of letter. That way, there's no confusion as to what happened."

"You're a genius," Jake grins, dipping down to kiss you.

He slips his tongue into your mouth effortlessly, sighing when he tastes himself from earlier. You straddle his waist and tangle your fingers into his hair, desperate to be close to him.

Both of you are high on adrenaline, buzzed on the anticipation of what's to come.

Baby, I know places we won't be found and

They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down

'Cause I, I know places we can hide

I know places

Murder isn't as hard as you thought it'd be.

Careful planning. Airtight alibis. Reassurance and recon.

You and Jake have created the perfect crime.

The two of you show up to The Admiral's office on an evening you know he'll be working late. He's doing paperwork when you arrive.

You walk in first. Jake follows, and locks the door behind him.

The Admiral goes to speak, but you silence him with a handgun pointed at his chest.

"Speak, and you die."

He doesn't say another word.

Jake takes the gun from your hand and walks around the desk, pressing it into his superiors temple.

"We need a couple of things from you," he begins. "Just a favour or two."

The Admiral is sweating, pale and rigid. He looks scared. It sends a rush of adrenaline through you. You're enjoying this. Jake is too, judging by the beaming grin on his face.

"Grab a pen, and some paper. We're about to do some creative writing."

Jake orchestrates the letter. Gets him to write exactly what you need. Notes down the brutality, the arrogance, the abuse of power. He makes him recount every incident, not just yours. You're there for what feels like hours, as his shaky hands move the pen across the paper.

Finally, he finishes. Dots the I's and crosses the T's. Jake chuckles.

"Wonderful. And for the last part of this joyous evening were having together, my girlfriend is gonna shoot you."

The Admiral chokes on his breath. Looks to you with fear in his eyes. Finally, you think. He understands how it felt.

He goes to open his mouth, but you stop him.

"Don't beg. Don't plead. It's pathetic."

"We made up our mind weeks ago," Jake adds. "You're not going to deter us now."

You smile at your boyfriend, giddy over the way he's protecting you, saving you, loving you.

"I'm going to enjoy this," you whisper.

You take the gun from Jake and press it to The Admiral's temple. You know the silencer will muffle the noise - you really have thought of everything.

You click off the safety, and lean down so your mouth is next to his ear.

"This is for all of the women you hurt."

You pull the trigger.

He dies instantly.

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it

Loose lips sink ships all the damn time

Not this time

In another life, you and Jake could have been actors.

You're all called into the briefing room the next day, gathered together in confusion.

Admiral Simpson stands in front of your class - pale as a sheet, dark circles bruised under his eyes.

"There's been a situation, and we want you to hear it from us," he begins. "I ask that you all keep this to yourselves, where possible. Don't talk to any media, don't gossip, don't spread rumours. Understood?"

When you all nod, he continues.

"The Admiral is dead."

The room goes silent. Jake's hand finds yours under the table. To anyone on the outside, it looks like a boyfriend supporting his girlfriend. To you, it's something different.

It feels like time stands still. The world stops turning, suspending you in the present moment. Eventually, Rooster speaks.

"What happened?"

Beau clears his throat, swiping his hand over his face.

"He took his own life."

There are whispers now, hushed and clipped. Everyone is in a state of shock and confusion. Everyone, except for you and the blonde man next to you. He squeezes your hand tightly, refusing to let go.

"Of course, there will be an investigation. But, it seems pretty obvious to us what happened. If anyone in this room has been effected by the actions of The Admiral that have come to light... please, speak to me, or any other of your superiors. Thank you. "

He exits the room, leaving all of you in palpable silence.

"What the fuck?" Payback mutters. "What did he mean, 'actions that have come to light?'"

"There's rumours," Phoenix begins. "He had a... soft spot, for young female pilots. People have been whispering about it for months."

Suddenly, all eyes are on you. You're the only other woman in the room besides Natasha, and she clearly wasn't involved.

"Did he ever... try anything with you, Ivy?"

"No," you're quick to answer. "No. Thank God."

The room breathes a collective sigh of relief.

If only they knew.

they take their shots, but we're bulletproof I know places

and you know for me, it's always you I know places

in the dead of night, your eyes so green I know places

and I know for you, it's always me I know places

A month later, you snap.

Jake comes home to find you frantically shoving clothes into a duffel bag, sweat dripping down your back.

"Baby," he tries, cautious, like he's approaching a spooked animal. "Baby."

You turn to face him with wild eyes, fear radiating off you.

"What's wrong, angel?"

You look at him incredulously.

"What's wrong? What's fucking wrong? We killed someone, Jake! That's what's wrong!"

"He wasn't a good guy."

"That doesn't matter. That doesn't make it right."

He cradles your face in his hands, eyes never leaving yours.

"Talk to me. What's going on? You've been okay. We've been okay. I thought we were processing, moving forward."

"I was. And then today, I just... can't. It was murder, Jake. Premeditated murder."

"Listen to me," he demands, tilting your chin up so your eyes are level. "He was an awful, awful man. The world is a better place without him. We saved so many women from a horrible fate, baby. We did a good thing."

You inhale carefully, and exhale a shaky breath, leaning up to press a kiss to his bitten lips.

"Yeah?" you ask, unsure. "We did save people, didn't we?"

"We wouldn't have done it without just reason, baby. We're good people, you and I. We both know we are."

You nod, looking for any signs of insecurity in his eyes. You don't find a single speck.

"You're right. Fuck, you're right. Sorry if I scared you, Jake."

"You scared me because I thought you were leaving me," he chuckles. "Wondered what I did wrong."

"Nothing," you're quick to reassure, tangling tracing your fingertips over the features of his face in a featherlight touch. "My God, Jake. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You're it for me. You're my forever."

Jake leans down, pressing his lips to yours firmly and surely. It's as if he's telling you everything he feels without using any words. He pulls you into him, winding his arms around your back and tugging you closer.

"I've got you, baby. No matter what happens. It's me and you, always. I love you."

"I love you too, Seresin. Always."

They are the hunters, we are the foxes

And we run

Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it

My love

"Let's run away."

You're taking off your shoes by the door when Jake comes bounding down the stairs, buzzing with energy.

"Hmm?"

"Let's run away, baby. You and me. The open road. We can go anywhere we want."

"Jake," you laugh. "Are you drunk? What's happening?"

"Not drunk. My head's clearer than it has ever been. I've been thinking, while you were gone."

"Thinking about...?" you ask, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning up to kiss his rosy lips.

"Getting out of here. This place is full of bad memories and old ghosts. We can start afresh somewhere new."

"Like where?"

"Anywhere. Literally anywhere. We don't even have to stay in America. We could go to Europe, Australia, Canada? The possibilities are actually endless."

"What's triggered this?" you murmur. "You okay?"

"I'm always okay when I'm with you," he smiles. "But.... I can just feel it, you know? I can feel everything piling up. There's a weight on my shoulders, and on yours too. We can let that go. I know we can."

"You're right, about the weight. I haven't relaxed in months."

Jake slides his hands under your shirt, tracing his fingers up and down the bare skin of your back.

"I know," he murmurs against your lips. "I think there's something better out there for us."

"Where would we go? Like, serious talk, what are our options?"

"I know places," he winks.

"What places, Jake?" you try to chide, but you're smiling.

"We can go to my mom's, first, in Texas. Just to touch base. From there, I mean it when I say literally anywhere, baby. Wherever you wanna go, we can go. You've always wanted to go to Italy, right? We could go there. Or I have a high school friend in Perth - we could go there."

"I wanna go somewhere with good food. Kind people. Beautiful views. A little sunshine wouldn't hurt either."

He's grinning at you, white and blinding. His excitement is contagious, settling into your bones.

"Imagine it, baby. Me and you, on the beach all day. We could surf, swim, go grab some lunch, then surf and swim some more. Go home, make dinner, sit out in the yard and listen to the ocean waves. Do it all again the next day."

You can't wipe the smile off your face, practically bouncing on the soles of your feet.

"Okay."

Jake stops in his tracks, still and rigid.

"Really?"

"Really. We can go right now, Jake. I don't wanna be here any longer."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Fuck, I love you. Let's pack our shit and go, baby."

Jake kisses you with fervour, dipping you backwards like you're in a movie. You squeal, gripping the nape of his neck for balance. He picks you up and spins you around, twirling you like a fairytale.

"What about everyone here?" you ask, forehead pressed to Jake's.

"We'll miss them, and they'll miss us, but we'll all be okay."

He's right. These people are your family, but they'll understand. You have to do what's best for you.

"Do you really wanna go as soon as we can?"

"Yeah, Jake. I meant it. We can start packing right now."

He wraps his arms around your middle and carries you upstairs, throwing the closet doors open while you grab your suitcase.

Baby, I know places we won't be found and

They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down

'Cause I, I know places we can hide

I know places

The sun beats down on your skin, warming you up from the outside in. There's a breeze whipping through your hair, carrying salt from the ocean into the car. The sunroof is down, allowing you to breathe in the fresh air.

Jake's hand slides across the centre console and onto your thigh, thumb rubbing circles into your bare skin.

"You okay?"

He's looking over at you, taking his eyes off the road for a split second.

"I'm good, baby."

He smiles, the grin reaching every feature of his face, lighting him up.

You've been on the road for months, stopping and starting however and whenever you please. A motel here, a beach apartment there. You've lost count of how many states you've travelled through, collecting postcards in each one.

You'll settle down, eventually. You've been making a list of your favourite places you've visited, ranking them as you go. You'll most likely buy a place in your top choice. But not yet.

For now, you're content with the open road. The convertible car, all your belongings in a suitcase in the trunk, roof down at every opportunity. You like not staying in one place for too long. It weirdly suits you.

Jake's never looked happier. He glows, smile lines creasing the corner of his eyes. He laughs so often, and you never get tired of the sound.

You glance down to the golden band on your left hand, smiling softly.

"What are you thinking about?" your husband asks, squeezing your thigh.

"Vegas," you beam. "Never did I think I'd be married by an Elvis impersonator in a bright blue chapel."

"I'm the epitome of class, baby. You know this."

Both of you are grinning, chuckling gently.

"We did the right thing. Leaving."

"Yeah, we did. I'm glad I believed what you said."

"What did I say?"

"That you knew places."

He traces a love heart on your skin with his thumb, over and over again.

"Told you, baby. I know places."

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azuremist · 3 months

Text

Haruka isn’t autistic-coded – he has an intellectual disability (and why that matters)

(AO3 Mirror)

A lot of people in the MILGRAM fandom (especially English-speaking MILGRAM fandom) state that Haruka is autistic-coded, as if it’s fact. Most recognize that Haruka is coded as disabled. (If you didn’t recognize that, I hope this post will help to explain why.) However, to state that he is coded as autistic specifically is incorrect. Haruka is coded as intellectually disabled.

Now, there are likely two things that contribute to this issue. One is the invisibility of intellectual disability as a whole, and another is the fact that a lot of this has to do with things that only someone who speaks Japanese would understand (such as complex vs non-complex words in Japanese).

In this post, I plan to lay out what an intellectual disability is and how it differs from neurodivergencies such as autism or ADHD. After that, I want to discuss the way Haruka speaks and uses words, the symbolism in his MVs, and how this lends to him being coded as intellectually disabled. Finally, I want to discuss why this even matters at all. Because, in truth, viewing Haruka as autistic instead of intellectually disabled leaves the viewer misunderstanding his story in a huge way that seems far too common in English-speaking MILGRAM fandom. So, I hope you listen to what I have to say.

What does it mean to be intellectually disabled?

Confusing autism and intellectual disability (henceforth referred to as ID) is not an issue unique to the MILGRAM fandom. They are quite commonly mistaken for each other, in the same way that autism and ADHD are both commonly mistaken for each other. And for the same reason, too – autism and ID are comorbid. This means that, if someone is autistic, they are more likely to have an ID. For this reason, it makes perfect sense to headcanon Haruka as autistic. I headcanon him as autistic, myself, actually. But, in this post, I’m going to be strictly talking about his coding, not headcanons, and he is very specifically coded with an ID.

So, what’s the difference? In the words of the National Institutes of Health, “Whereas ID is associated with general deficits across developmental domains, ASD is in fact defined by the observation that social communication deficits are particularly impairing.” (Source)

To say this in layman’s terms, autism is primarily characterized by difficulties in social communications. Cognitive abilities in autistic individuals vary, just like with allistic individuals, but the defining features are issues with social interaction and nonverbal communication. Autism by itself effects how effectively one communicates, but not intelligence. On the other hand, ID is a limitation on intellectual functioning, just like the name implies. This causes issues in areas like learning, problem-solving, and abstract reasoning.

A lot of people think ID is a synonym for ‘learning disability’. ‘Learning disability’ is an umbrella term that covers things such as dyslexia and dysgraphia. This isn’t the case. For one thing, ID can be a diagnosis on its own. ID is subdivided into syndromic ID, where intellectual deficits are present with other signs and symptoms, and nonsyndromic ID, where ID is, itself, the diagnosis. Examples of syndromic IDs include fragile X syndrome, and Down syndrome. For another, those with learning disabilities tend to have average to above-average intellectual abilities. Their disorder affects their ability to acquire and process information, but they are still able to learn. In contrast, ID affects the ability to learn at all, as well as affecting development and general function.

ID is a debilitating disorder. Many people with an ID cannot live independently, require help with self-care activities, and have limited communicative abilities. Understanding this – particularly, how ID is often a disability that requires a caregiver – is a key point to understanding Haruka as a character. But that’s to be covered later.

Words

The reason why this is a problem in the English fandom specifically is because the main thing tipping off the viewer to Haruka’s ID is the way that he speaks.

‘Weakness’, Haruka’s first-trial song, is written entirely in INCREDIBLY basic, elementary-level kanji – mostly hiragana and katakana. In fact, his first-trial song is misspelled in a lot of official releases of the song (‘Weekness’), which is a good way to get the same effect across. This is not the case across all platforms, though, for whatever reason. He also writes, in his trial 1 interrogation, with only that elementary-level kanji; often only one-word answers. The only complicated characters he knows are usually ones that mean something along the lines of, “I’m a stupid, idiot child,” which can be assumed to be because that’s what he has heard his whole life.

While I’m unsure if it is ENTIRELY in this basic kanji, his second trial song and interrogation is at least mostly written like this, as well. At this point, Muu is teaching him how to read and write (or, that’s what’s implied), but, even with that one-on-one attention, he is still speaking like a child most of the time to the Japanese ear.

When he’s forced to use or listen to words outside of this elementary-level kanji, he gets audibly confused, as well. In the AVIOT earbud collab, he has the voiceline, “Pairing seems to be in progress,” but, if you listen, he says “pairing” like it’s a question. (“Pair-ing?”) He doesn’t know the word is an English loanword that isn’t often used in everyday conversation, so he’s struggling to say it.

He also struggles when speaking to Es in his interrogations. He tries to say, “I will acknowledge any falsehood or silence,” but the words used are very advanced in Japanese. As such, he struggles with it, repeating, “False-hood? Si-lence?” Multiple similar exchanges happen in his interrogations, with Haruka misunderstanding words Es uses, and stuttering over unfamiliar words. The implication is that Haruka struggles with higher vocabulary or unfamiliar words, and with speaking and communication in general. He apologizes multiple times to Es for struggling, saying that he is not intelligent as an explanation multiple times. Additionally, in his second trial investigation, he talks about how he could never do the same things as everyone around him. When Es calls him stupid, he agrees. Es even states, “You really have no learning ability whatsoever.” When, mind you, having delayed or slowed learning is, like, the symptom of intellectual disability. It’s quite blatant. (Why is this not fandom consensus yet, again?)

Moving on from the point of how Haruka uses words, we can talk about other forms of word-based MILGRAM media. For example: when introducing himself, he says he thinks he’s 17, which implies that he isn’t actually sure. Additionally, there is lots of evidence for his intellectual disability in his interrogation questions:

He considers it impossible to learn another language

His dream is to ‘live normally’

He states he disappointed his father (not inherently an ID-related thing, but also, makes sense with his coding in mind)

Many answers imply that he’s been unable to live his own life, and he doesn’t really have any aspirations outside of being given attention

Finally, we have the lyrics to his songs. Again, on top of being written in very basic kanji, we have lines like the following, which include repeated themes of needing a caregiver (being ‘hopeless’ by himself), not being able to do what others can do, hating how he was born, and struggling to function. (I have bolded examples that I think are especially apt.)

“Why was I born like this? Why does it hurt so much?” / “Why was I born to be me? Why does it hurt so much?”

“Instead you kept calling me “hopeless” / You never called me by my name / You were always comparing me to someone else”

“If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless”” / “When I tried to understand it, you’ll make that disappointed face again”

“I just wanted to be your good boy” (what did the MILGRAM team want us to think when they included this line? likely that he’s childish or ‘hasn’t grown up’, right?)

“Mommy, look / I’ve done great” (calling her ‘mommy’ instead of ‘mom’ – again, ask what the MILGRAM team wants us to think when they included this)

“If only I could do what anyone else could do”

“It’s enough, I am a “disappointment””

“My life started in a wrong spot”

With regards to his relationship with Muu, he doesn’t understand why Muu using him would be a bad thing, or how she is manipulating him. People with ID tend to have poor judgment, and Haruka not being able to tell the difference and not caring about the difference between negative and positive attention shows this (although his trauma definitely also plays a role).

Finally, we have the trial song titles.

We’ve already discussed how “Weakness” is sometimes alternatively misspelled as “Weekness”, and that is because the title in Japanese is, arguably, misspelled, too. The Japanese title is a play on the phrase jakuniku kyoushoku, which is equivalent to the English phrase, “Survival of the fittest.” More directly, it translates to, “The weak are meat, the strong do eat.” The character for “strong” (kyou) is replaced by “together” (also kyou) – with the implication being that Haruka forgot which version of the word was correct for this situation. This also works to create a pun, of sorts, as this makes the title more like, “The weak are meat, communal eating”, creating an emphasis on the fact that there are more people eating than there are ‘weak people’. There are differing ways to interpret this pun, but one way is to view it as a statement on Haruka’s status as a minority, oppressed (‘eaten’) by the majority.

On the other hand, we have All-Knowing and All-Agony. In Japanese, this song title is Zenchi Zennou, which can be translated as “Omniscient and Omnipotent”, used to describe the Christian God. Once again, we have what we can assume is Haruka misspelling the title, creating a pun. One that is much more on the nose, as the character for “ability” (nou) is replaced with the character for “worry, distress, pain” (also nou).

It seems that the reason why Haruka uses new complicated words (aside from the words meaning “idiot” and the like) in All-Knowing and All-Agony is because Muu is teaching him. It features the more complicated “食” (shoku; food), when we know from Haruka’s 2023 birthday portal that Muu is bringing him meals. It also prominently features Muu’s name, 夢 (yume; dream), which is more complicated, as well.

Imagery

Now, we get on to the non-verbal, more visually-based evidence for Haruka’s ID. Be prepared for a lot more images!

Going back to Muu teaching Haruka how to write: it’s not just clear in his usage of kanji, but also how he writes. Comparing his handwriting, it becomes much easier to read after Trial 2’s start, and his writing is soft and bubbly; much like a teen girl’s writing might be.

All of these improvements are able to be linked back to Muu (both his style of writing and in the more complicated words that he knows), who we know is looking after him. Considering this, it’s pretty clear why he sees her like a maternal figure.

One of the Minigram comics shows the prisoners eating curry udon together. Of the four shown (Amane, Haruka, Shidou and Mahiru), Amane and Haruka are the only two who make messes out of their clothes. Since the other two characters in the comic have active roles, and Haruka has the most passive one, Haruka’s inclusion can be assumed to be because he is the only prisoner aside from the child, Amane, who would make a mess while eating.

Childish themes and imagery are seen scattered throughout his MV, as well, especially his first one. He draws with the skill level of a child, which is a very prevalent motif, and he is shown to sleep with a plushie.

Additionally, he seems to have trouble putting on his clothes. He wears two entirely different socks – not just different colors, but also two different lengths. His pant legs are also two different lengths when he tries to roll them up in his Trial 2 art, and he seems to exclusively wear slip-on shoes up until he befriends Muu (where we can presume that she begins helping him, and even then, they're not done properly).

There are various visual parallels drawn between himself as a child and himself as he is now (for example, the way that his clothes are a mix of his current shirt and the vest he wore as a child in All-Knowing and All-Agony), and he often compares himself to a child wanting praise.

Even the violent acts that Haruka is shown committing are also a sign of an ID. People with IDs tend to have meltdowns, and devolve into fits of violence. The reasons for these meltdowns vary depending on the person, but reasons can include anger / frustration (especially in reaction to not being able to communicate well), sensory overload, and confusion.

You may note that Haruka’s mother reacts the exact wrong way for dealing with these meltdowns. When trying to help someone experiencing a meltdown, especially a violent meltdown, the last thing you want to do is appear frightened. The number one piece of advice everyone gives for helping someone experiencing a meltdown is to remain calm. It’s also not advised to leave the person alone, either, because that sends the message, “I want to avoid you when you feel this way.” (Which I suppose, for a neglectful mother like Haruka’s, would be technically accurate, but still not at all helpful.)

It only makes sense that Haruka’s tantrums continue to get worse and worse.

But after the meltdowns fade, he seems to not understand what he’s done. He’s shown experiencing fear and confusion after he hurts something, even shown as his child self at one point. A major part of IDs is being unable to connect actions to consequences.

Finally, we go onto his body language. Frankly, I considered putting, “Imagine this as a real person doing these things and not an anime boy, and you’ll see my point.” Which is true. But I decided to go a little more in depth.

Swaying is heavily associated with people with IDs. This is, in part, because people with IDs have reduced postural balance, and general body balance. Because of that lack of postural balance, people with IDs tend to slump quite heavily, as well. Both of these traits are shown very obviously with Haruka, in All-Knowing and All-Agony.

In the same MV, he’s also shown biting his nails. Like autistic people, people with IDs stim, and this could also be a version of hand mouthing (repetitive contact between the hands and the mouth / tongue), which is also heavily associated with / often seen in intellectually disabled people. He's also shown doing this in promo art.

So, why does this matter?

Haruka being intellectually disabled is a huge part of his story, and, when taking it into consideration, it changes how one views his story a lot.

Haruka being treated better as a child makes more sense with this framework. He wants to return to when he was a child because his level of intellect then was seen as more ‘normal’. There wasn’t as much obviously ‘wrong’ with him yet. Children are expected to be a little slow, but it’s when they remain that way that many parents begin to become concerned. He yearns for when his mother didn’t know he was disabled, and when she treated him better for that reason.

Haruka being severely neglected / abused by his mother would be awful, no matter what, but him being intellectually disabled makes it so much worse. He needs attention and care from his caregivers even more so than the average child does, because he has trouble even functioning on the day-to-day without help. This is why he thrives under Muu’s care; she is meeting his support needs. Likely not perfectly (she’s just a teenage girl, and she is almost certainly not trained or educated in this regard), but even with the amount of support that she is able to give, Haruka is thriving. He’s more confident, he’s learning how to write, and he’s eating more consistently.

Without that care, he struggles so severely that he melts down regularly, going into fits of violence over the fact that his support needs aren’t being met (on top of all of the other emotional baggage that comes with any child being neglected by their parent). Haruka’s mother continued to ignore these cries for attention, for help, for care… Until it went too far.

The way that Haruka’s story is viewed changes drastically with this information. If Haruka was autistic, it would affect very few of the things that I listed. So much of Haruka's story hinges on specifically his intelligence level, not how he socializes. And do you have any idea how many people I’ve seen say, “He’s a neurodivergent with a shitty mom, but so am I, and I didn’t kill anyone about it”? No. If you are not intellectually disabled, you do not get to compare your experiences as if they are equal. If you don’t have an ID, your experiences cannot be compared in this way.

Haruka has a debilitating disability that requires support which he was not getting. He was experiencing ableist abuse at the hands of his mother, and he didn’t know how to handle it. All of his violence happened during his meltdowns, and his disability makes it harder for him to connect his actions to the consequences, or find alternate ways to solve his problems – this is all extremely important information and context when you’re discussing whether or not his crime is forgivable.

If you still don’t forgive him, that’s alright. But to neglect this aspect of his character is, to be frank, baffling, if you’re trying to participate in the spirit of the series and understand everyone’s crime to the fullest extent. And to make jokes, comparing your own experiences to Haruka’s, since you assume him to be neurodivergent and nothing else, does a huge disservice to his story! And, when it’s done to demean him? It honestly comes off a slight bit ableist.

So, I’d like everyone to keep this information in mind moving forward. Don’t infantilize Haruka for his disability. But do consider this information in your analysis posts, your discussions, and so on. I’d like to see this become common knowledge in the MILGRAM fandom, especially since the idea of him being specifically autistic-coded is so widespread by this point.

Thank you!

#haruka sakurai #milgram #the milgram project #milgram meta #milgram analysis #intellectual disability #haruka #sakurai haruka #azure does a thing

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greenandsorrow · 1 month

Text

~Her man child~

Headcanons 📺

Vox is the definition of a manchild and I think it's kinda obvious.

He's the mean kind, acting with so much spite, sometimes without it being necessary or justified.

He NEEDS to be taken seriously. He tries so hard, blurring the lines between respect, fear and tolerance.

But when you two are alone... the telly-head man is a whiny boy.

He complains like it's a form of art. You can't help but roll your eyes playfully when he lets out a too loud sigh, but after doing so you're always ready to give him all the reassurance and attention he desperately craves.

Your man prefers being the little spoon. He's like a lap cat.

If anyone finds out about his cuddly nature, he's gonna die a second time...

Vox feels the need to constantly prove himself to Velvette and Valentino, but with you he feels safe. He can be overly emotional. And weak. And needy.

Very needy.

If you're not somewhere behind the camera admiring him and boosting his confidence, his day is ruined.

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy.

In the mornings he doesn't even turn on his screen... settling for the protection setting instead.

You have to be patient with him.

Bring him a steaming cup of coffee and hug him from behind and he might as well start giggling like a schoolgirl.

He's too sensitive for harsh jokes. Being in Hell means ONLY dark and cruel humour, but Vox can't take it sometimes.

His ego is fragile.

In order to feel loved, Vox has to be showered in extravagant compliments on a daily basis. Whether it's about his appearance, his job, his amazing and very interesting personality... He needs them.

When you tell him he's better than the radio demon.... he literally gets rock hard.

Vox is in a constant dilemma between showing you off for all Pentagram City to know you're his, or keeping you secret.

It's the same as a boy with his favourite toy. If other kids see his toy, he's gonna have to share.

What if someone steals his favourite toy?! Or even worse... BREAK IT?!

That being said, he doesn't objectify you, but he's terrible at showing affection or appreciation.

He's gonna be there for you, help you with anything you need, laugh with you, spend quality time with you. Still, deep communication is a difficult subject for him.

Thank god you're observant enough to catch all the messages he tries to pass to you.

Such an attention seeker though.

Have you ever seen a six year old trying to impress his crush?

Just look at Vox trying to woo you. It's the same thing.

But he's not that bad... His self-esteem is an obstacle alright, but he becomes a rug for you to step on and use as you wish most of the time.

Vox would definitely go out of his way if you asked something from him. You're his rock. It's the least he can do.

The guy even whimpers in his sleep.

Vox loves to fill his hands with your thighs when it's bed time. They're warm and soothing to him, like stress toys. Being a walking television has its disadvantages temperature wise.

He would bend you over and take you in front of a mirror so he could see himself while at it, but he hasn't done so yet. He wants to ask you beforehand and make sure it won't make you feel weird.

Vox is easy to rile up. A breathy compliment and a squeeze of his thigh and he's more than ready to go.

He doesn't actually feel dominant, but he tries to act like it. This Vee member has the stereotype man = dominance engraved in his subconsciousness and so he fights to live up to it.

But between you and me... Treat him like an inexperienced and innocent boy and he'll be crying out in pleasure.

Aka... be a femdom. Even a soft one. You won't even have to try that much.

Another thing. Vox is loud. (Like his name implies 🫣)

He also pants a lot. Almost like he's hyperventilating.

Unlike Alastor, this man is very insecure about both his performance and... size.

I'm not saying he's lacking in either though. It's just how his mind works. Always comparing himself to his opponents and in this case, his opponents are other men that could perhaps satisfy you more thoroughly than him.

Allow me to say that he fucks in an anxious way. Hands shaking and his mantra "Does that feel good to you darling?"

You just need to praise him a little. (A lot)

He doesn't last that long but he'll be sure to rub your clit so you don't either.

When it gets too real, he tears up at the end, like a baby that's holding back from crying. But you're there to hold him until he calms down.

He's usually too tired (and still nervous) afterwards for proper aftercare. Vox likes to be babied though. It's more personal attention after all.

Oh to be cleaned up and tucked to bed! Only then will he feel comfortable enough to run his fingers through your hair and mumble a faint thank you.

Vox's head has a bit of an awkward shape for cunnilingus. However, he has a surprisingly long tongue that can reach more than enough to have you moaning out how good of a boy he's being.

He usually cums in his pants while eating you out.

And when you return the favour it's usually to relieve his stress at work. He feels like a teenager when you do it. It's an act of service, really.

He low-key fucks your face, not enough to choke you but you do gag around him. It makes him feel in control. It makes him feel like a man.

To sum up, Vox is a bit dependent on you and on your validation, but he would never hurt you or become too overbearing.

He's needy, but not stupid.

He is the definition of a manchild and I think I proved my point.

But he's your manchild sis!

Support a struggling university student! Thank you so so much🫶 CLICK HERE (PayPal link)

~~~

my masterlist || Hazbin Hotel masterlist 🦷

Vox divider by @rubra-wav

Support divider by @cafekitsune

The explicit content one... I don't remember :(

~~~

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ldrfanatic · 1 month

Text

Slytherin Boys as 1989 Songs

+ bonus! the slytherin boys as romance tropes

I decided to shake this one up a bit and do all happy love songs

here's 1989 (tv ofc); which taylor swift album should i do next?

(mattheo riddle, draco malfoy, theo nott, lorenzo berkshire)

slytherin boys masterlist nav

mattheo riddle as I Know Places

best lyric(s) - "let them say what they want we won't here it" + "love's a fragile little flame it could burn out" + "just grab my hand and don't ever drop it"

trope - enemies to lovers :)

mattheo w a crush - in love, mattheo is somewhere in the middle between being sappy and just straight up insulting you. not like calling you ugly or anything but like "damn i didn't know it was possible to mess up such an easy spell" like kind of teasing. he's one of those guys that will be mean at first and then be like playfully mean and then finally, will start being nice to you but only sometimes. he just thinks you're adorable when you're angry.

mattheo as a boyfriend - now as a boyfriend, mattheo still teases the hell out of you but god forbid literally anyone else does bc he'll kill them. like actually. also the pair of you go through a little bit of a rough patch during the war and he keeps telling you that you have to stay way from him but secretly, he's really happy that you never actually listen to him because he doesn't know what he would do without you. he just kind of ignores all the whispers and hogwarts becomes your guys' like safe little happy love bubble.

draco malfoy as Out of the Woods

best lyric(s) - "the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color" + "when you started crying baby i did too, when the sun came up i was looking at you" + "I walked out I said 'i'm setting you free' but the monsters turned out to be just trees"

trope - everyone can see it except for you

draco w a crush - I think draco would be the kind of guy that actively avoided his crush. like if you were sitting in the very front of transfigurations, he was sitting in the absolute furthers corner in the back. If you were going on the hogsmeade trip, he was begging his friends would leave him to simmer in his affections for you. he's just so nervous and so certain you'll dislike him that he'd rather not talk to you at all. when he finally does work up the courage, he's extremely happy and like eternally grateful that you'd give him a chance.

draco as a boyfriend - i do think though that draco is not always the best at communicating just because he always wants everything to be so perfect and he doesn't want there to be anything that he says that could make you resent him so he'd rather not say anything at all. obv, this doesn't work out well for him cause like... communicating w you is so essential. y'all get into arguments fairly regularly but you always end up making up because he's always just creating those demons in his head and it's almost never that serious.

theodore nott as Suburban Legends

best lyric(s) - "you were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious" + "when you hold me, it holds me together and you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" + "you'd be more than a chapter in my old diaries with the pages ripped out"

trope - hopeless romantic

theo w a crush - I think with a crush theo would be the kind of guy that just simps like a mf. like you need someone to carry your books, he's there, why would you even try to carry them yourself? just let him take care of it. or like, when you're not feeling well and you might need to spend a few days in the hospital wing, while you're sleeping theo sneaks in and leaves the notes for the classes you missed as well as your favorite sweets and flowers. (one time when michael corner made you cry, he beat the snot out of him and then the next day left this huge teddy bear outside your door with the note "y/n, that douchebag sucks. -tn")

theo as a boyfriend - theo's simp nature carries over when he's a bf so he's super freaking caring. he does literally everything for you. he'll brush your hair when you get out of the shower if you ask. or if you're like me and you have like thicker ethnic hair, he'll ask you to show him how to do your hair so that he can do it for you. he's also one of those guys that's like casually dominant. like hand on your lower back in a crowd, opening your doors, reaching up and grabbing things from the top shelf for you. naturally protective in the sense of like he always wants to sleep closest to the door in case something happens and like is also always making sure you eat and get enough water.

lorenzo berkshire as "Slut!"

lyric(s) - "and if i'm gonna be drunk, i might as well be drunk in love" + "and i break down then he's pulling me in. in a world of boys he's a gentleman" + "got love struck went straight to my head"

trope - friends to lovers

enzo w a crush - enzo is the kind of guy who's not afraid to be in love. he actually loves it. he loves having someone to compliment and shower in gifts and win over. where mattheo would tease you, draco would avoid you, and theo would lose himself in you, enzo is the guy who would bring you inexplicable joy and make sure you knew that it was him that was bringing you joy. not to say that he wouldn't do sweet gestures and such but he's the sort of guy that will make you his best friend and then make you fall in love with him.

enzo as a boyfriend - because of this, you and enzo are like those like childhood friends turned lovers type of thing. he just knows you so well and the love between you two comes so easily. he makes it his personal mission to make you smile at least once a day. as your boyfriend, he's just really playful. things like pillow fights and tickle fights. he's also that boyfriend that will do all those little stupid tiktok trends with you but like really energetically and not just like half-assed bc if it's gonna make you smile, he's going all in.

---

4.25.24

wc 1k

taglist @moonlightreader649 @svt-dk97 @thatdammchickennugget @helendeath @fandom-life-12 @bouquetolegoflowers @maryvibess

#slytherin boys #slytherin #theodore nott #theo nott #theo nott x reader #theodore nott x reader #slytherin boys x reader #draco malfoy #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire #enzo berkshire x reader #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #draco malfoy x reader #lorenzo berkshire x reader

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randxmthxughts · 1 year

Text

Unrequited - Chapter 5 / finale - Tsu'tey x Omatikaya!Reader

chapter 3 | chapter 4

wc: 8k

a/n: can't believe this is the eeeend!!! i'm so excited to finally post this and see what you think. it's been a journey and i hope you enjoyed it just as much as i did! replies and asks are greatly appreciated

unrequited masterlist | general masterlist

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsu’tey thought he made the right decision to let you go, after all, he knew from the very beginning that it wouldn’t work out. As the Olo’eyktan, his responsibility was to prioritize his people, so it was only fair that he stopped getting distracted by his desires and focused on his duty. Yet, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he made a mistake. That maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance to start over and he had turned it down.

He didn't realize the toll that your last conversation had taken on you, leaving you completely shattered. He had disappeared for weeks on end, leading a search party to investigate the outskirts of the forest after the battle with sky people. It was a long time coming, but it still seemed too well planned to you.

Tsu’tey also didn’t know about the number of nights you spent crying in your bed, or the way your soulless eyes were searching for him in every person during communal gatherings, despite knowing that you wouldn’t find him there. He didn’t know that Takuk, who had stayed back at the Home Tree, attempted to court you in a rather awkward manner, which was obvious to everyone. With Tsu’tey’s absence, and Takuk’s clear interest in you, people had begun to whisper and speculate that it was never serious between you and the chief. Takuk was an honest man, and Tsu’tey was too good to be true anyway, they’d say.

And it hurt. It hurt too much because there was a shift in the air. You didn’t push Takuk away, having no energy to fight back the swirling rumors. You stopped showing up to your lessons with Mo’at, despite following through with the ultimatum she gave you that night. Technically, Tsu'tey had broken things off, and you were a free woman once again, so you could resume your lessons, but what was the point? Becoming a tsakarem to lead alongside a man who didn’t want you?

You drew another long sigh, as you sat weaving a basket. Not that you needed one but the loss of appetite and the absence of healing lessons left you with little to do, and so you occupied your hands with a mindless task. Takuk sat beside you, absentmindedly polishing his weapons, his voice a constant chatter that barely registered in your mind. Most of your time with him was spent like this, with you barely reciprocating his advances, hoping that Takuk would eventually grow bored of you and stop his affection. And if he didn’t, maybe you’d finally break down and accept the idea of being loved by somebody else.

“May I speak with you?” Neytiri casted a shadow over you, blocking the sunlight.

You paused for a moment to nod to Takuk, silently asking for privacy. Neytiri’s gaze bore into you, searching for a hint of your state. As soon as Takuk left, she sat in front of you, taking the unfinished basket out of your hands and putting it aside. You shivered, the absence of distraction made the thoughts come rushing back.

“Why do you torture yourself like this?” Neytiri’s voice was firm, almost like she was angry with you, “You look drained.”

You couldn't help but feel resentment at her words. Of course, you weren't like your usual self. You had lost sleep over the only person you loved, and it was unrequited.

"I'm fine," you replied curtly, avoiding her eyes. It wasn’t like you didn’t hear those words from her before.

“I am not blind. You need to snap out of it and let your mind rest,” she stated, taking in your appearance once again. You felt exposed under her gaze, seeing right through your fragile facade.

“I’m doing my best,” you shook your head, a painful lump growing in your throat, “Doing what everyone thinks is right.”

“I want you to do what you think is right,” she pointed at your heart.

You shook your head, wishing for her to stop. Neytiri sighed with disappointment at your stubbornness. She has been pushing you around for weeks now, trying to get you back to your lessons. She was convinced that Mo’at was right and that you were a good fit for becoming a tsakarem, so abandoning that opportunity and letting Takuk linger around you seemed like a waste of time to her. Whether you would end up with Tsu’tey or not, Neytiri believed you deserved to be recognized for your efforts and talent.

“The Great Mother blessed you with a gift, how can you refuse it?” she spoke softer this time, trying another approach.

You winced at her words, standing up quickly to gather your things. There was some commotion in the distance, and you spotted a group of warriors returning to the clan, just in time for the communal dinner. Neytiri noticed where your gaze had landed and gasped when she spotted Tsu'tey. But before she could react, you had already stormed off.

Tears were now threatening to spill out, as you realized he returned. The prospect of seeing him was on your mind every day since he left, yet you were too afraid to face him.

“Y/N, wait,” Neytiri yelled, chasing after you, “We’re not finished.”

You ran into your hut, not even bothering to check if she was still following you. The items in your hands slipped out and fell to the ground as you pathetically tried to wipe away the tears that were streaming uncontrollably down your cheeks.

“Eywa will guide you two to each other,” Neytiri’s voice cut like a knife through your chest, causing you to let out a painful whimper at her words.

“It’s out of her power to make him love me.”

Neytiri stood by the entrance, feeling a little guilty for pushing you. If she had known that Tsu’tey would be back by now, she wouldn't have tested you today. The call for the communal dinner rang loudly through the Home Tree, alongside cheerful whistling, indicating that the search party would be celebrated that evening.

“He is just scared to admit it,” she added, her voice low.

"I can't keep holding on to something that's not there.”

You shrugged, feeling frustrated with her persistence. You were unaware of the talk Neytiri had with Tsu’tey and how heavily it weighed on her mind. She was the only one who understood how deeply he was wounded by the pain of losing Silwanin. How he couldn’t bring himself to open up to you because he was afraid of losing another person he loved, and that the responsibility of being a chief was clouding his judgment. Neytiri was convinced that you’d be able to heal his wounds, but she struggled to show it to you.

“Alright,” she sighed, defeated, “Let’s go and eat.”

“You go, I have lost my appetite.”

Neytiri hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, before nodding and leaving your hut. It was pointless to argue, so she made a mental note to bring you food afterwards. Her face scrunched up in irritation when she saw Tsu’tey standing outside, wearing a regretful expression that suggested he had heard your conversation, or at least the last part of it.

“Well?” she quirked her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to go and talk to you.

But as she stared at him in anticipation, Tsu’tey seemed to change his mind. He shook his head and walked away, leaving Neytiri disappointed. It was clear that he was torn between his feelings, and she didn't know what to do to help him.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The physical distance Tsu’tey had to put between you two during the past weeks caused him a constant headache. It felt like Eywa was playing a cruel game on him, as night after night, you appeared in his dreams. He would awaken in a cold sweat, the memory of you convincing him to beg you to return to him, once he was back at the village. But then the next night, as soon as he was determined to win you back, the image of Silwanin would infiltrate his dreams, and guilt would consume him.

Y/N. Silwanin. He hadn't visited Silwanin for a long time, fearful that seeing her would awaken the longing he had buried deep inside and revive all the pain. But as he pondered on his dreams, Tsu’tey realized that Eywa was sending him a sign - a solution.

When Tsu’tey brought out his kuru to the glowing Mother Tree, for the first time in years, he felt like he was on the right path. He knew that Silwanin would be waiting for him, but he was still scared to face her. He had so much to say, so much to ask, but he didn't know how to start.

Closing his eyes, Tsu'tey focused on his connection with Eywa and felt a gentle breeze surround him, wrapping him in a familiar warmth. A pair of hands, soft and comforting, encircled him in a loving embrace.

"Tsu'tey, my love, I've missed you," a voice whispered into his ear.

As he opened his eyes, Tsu'tey found Silwanin standing before him, smiling brightly. She was just as beautiful as he remembered, and for a moment, he forgot that she was gone. He held her tightly.

“I missed you too, yawne,” he whispered back, his voice choked with grief. When her fingertips traced his face, he had to close his eyes to stop the tears from flowing.

“I’ve been waiting for you to visit me for a long time now. I thought you forgot about me,” she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," he said with disappointment, shaking his head. "I was too scared to come."

“Why were you scared?” she questioned, with an unknowing look, but Tsu’tey hesitated to respond, “Is it about me?”

“You’re not… not here,” he revealed.

“I am not?”

Tsu'tey felt a lump form in his throat as he recounted the painful events that led to her passing. Silwanin listened patiently with a peaceful expression, as if everything started to finally make sense to her.

“I see,” she whispered, reaching up to wipe away his tears. “I wish you didn’t have to go through that alone, my love.”

Tsu'tey shook his head, unable to speak, overwhelmed by the emotions that flooded his heart. He was pulled him into a tender embrace, which made him weep like a child. For the first time in forever, it seemed like a weight was being lifted off Tsu’tey’s chest.

“Tell me about your life now,” Silwanin placed a hand on his cheek, eager to learn, “You’re the Olo’eyktan. Neytiri is a good mate to you, yes?”

“Neytiri is a good mate to Toruk Makto.”

“The Toruk Makto?” Silwanin widened her eyes. From Tsu’tey’s brief story, she recognized the dreamwalker, “But what about you?”

“I’m not mated with anyone.”

Silwanin pressed her lips together, seeming displeased with his answer. It hurt her to know that Tsu’tey wasn't moving on with his life and was torturing himself. He watched her expression change, and gulped down nervously, before confessing.

“There is someone… but I don’t know if I can be with her. Ever be with anyone.”

“Is she good to you?” Silwanin’s ears perked up in curiosity,

“She is,” he nodded with a sigh, “But I cannot make her happy..”

“Tsu’tey, of course you can,” she argued, “You are only torturing yourself if you’re pushing her away.”

“But what about you?”

“Stop worrying about me. I only wish for you to be happy, and if she can ease your worries and make you feel at peace, then who am I to stop you?”

Tsu’tey’s lip trembled at her words. Just like he remembered, Silwanin was understanding and kind, always looking out for him. And as always, she knew better than him what was right. He nodded slowly.

“It’s time to move on, Tsu’tey,” she smiled softly, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“You’re right,” he whispered, “I will always love you.”

“I know.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsu’tey returned back to the Home Tree, eager to find you and tell you he was a fool. His heart raced when he spotted your silhouette disappear into the thick greenery of the forest, but before he could follow after you, a pair of hands pressed against his chest, stopping him in his tracks. Tsu’tey let out a low growl of annoyance upon realizing that it was Jake standing in his way.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry, brother? Haven’t seen you in weeks, and you’re already disappearing somewhere,” Jake teased, enjoying the sight of the Olo’eyktan becoming increasingly irritated.

“I have to find someone,” he mumbled, trying to walk away, but Jake was quick to block his path.

“Is that someone Y/N?”

“It is none of your business,” Tsu’tey spat out.

Jake stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied Tsu’tey with an observant gaze. Tsu’tey felt his patience ran out, eager to end the conversation and follow after you, before you’d disappear. Then he realized.

“Why did you say Y/N?”

“Because Neytiri told me,” Jake responded, his tone suddenly turning more protective, “I didn’t believe it at first, but if it is true, you should be more considerate of Y/N’s feelings.”

Who was Jake Sully to get protective over you? To add on, who was he to protect you from Tsu’tey? As if he could ever hurt you. Tsu’tey stiffened at the thought.

“Neytiri shouldn’t have told you, it is none of your concern.”

“I think I get a little say in this, since Neytiri told you she was pregnant before she told me,” Jake answered. He waited for Tsu’tey to protest, but it seemed like the point was strong enough to keep him quiet, “Anyway, like I said, if you’re going to keep playing with Y/N, you should stop now.”

“Who said I was playing with her?” the Olo’eyktan suddenly felt defensive. Was it truly the way he was seen? Inconsiderate?

“It seems like it, she is a mess,” Jake continued, “Look, I don’t know her well, and I have no idea what went on between you two but it clearly affected her. Y/N is not well, Tsu’tey… Neytiri has been watching her every day since you left because she is concerned for her. So you either fix it, or you let Y/N move on, alright?”

“No, I will fix it,” Tsu’tey nodded with determination.

“Okay,” Jake stepped out of his path, “Okay, go fix it.”

Tsu’tey nodded again, his mind already focused on finding you, his feet carrying him through the bushes where he saw you disappear. He felt agonized, knowing that he hurt you so much it was obvious even to a skxawng like Jake. Tsu’tey didn’t even feel angry for getting scolded by him, because he had no one else to blame but himself.

His senses sharpened as he scanned the area for any sign of you. It didn't take him long to pick up your scent and follow your trail. As he walked, he felt a growing urgency to apologize to you, to tell you that he regretted his words. He didn't know if he could make things right, but he needed to try.

It felt like hours had passed when Tsu'tey finally caught sight of you up ahead, sitting on a fallen log and watching the river. You often came to this spot to wash off after meeting up with him, and as you sat there, your mind couldn't help but wander back to him. With your back turned, you didn't notice Tsu'tey lingering in the back, though you felt a presence nearby. It felt like your mind was playing tricks on you, but before you could turn to look, Takuk caught your attention.

Tsu’tey watched his trainee make his way over to you with a snarl. He felt a surge of jealousy and frustration at Takuk giving you a flower and you accepting it. He had been gone only for a few weeks, and Takuk already made a move? Were you only polite to accept the flower, or was it something more? Remaining hidden, Tsu’tey watched as you and Takuk talked. He could see Takuk's longing gaze but couldn't see your reaction, making him uneasy as he stared at your back.

Shifting on his feet, Tsu’tey was caught off guard when Takuk suddenly turned his face and spotted him. The Olo’eyktan cleared his throat, now forced to step into the open. His heart clenched when you turned around to face him, your eyes tracing his features.

The formalities were exchanged quickly, though Tsu’tey couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He hadn’t seen you in so long, it seemed like there was something different about you. His eyes roamed over your face again and again, and he felt like he was deprived of you, wanting to memorize every small line and engrave it into his mind. Tsu’tey wasn’t sure what exactly changed but he noticed the shift in your gaze - your usual adoration was no longer evident in your eyes, making room for anger? You seemed almost irritated to be in his presence.

“Takuk, may I ask you for a favor?” Tsu’tey spoke, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from you and focus on his trainee.

“Sure, what is it, chief?” Takuk responded eagerly, completely oblivious to the way you watched the Olo’eyktan.

“I want you to gather a meeting with the search party and the rest of the warriors. Make sure everyone is updated on what happened in the last weeks, so everyone’s informed. I will join you a little later and tell you of our next plans,” Tsu’tey ordered. Takuk nodded in confirmation.

Sending Takuk away meant that Tsu’tey would be alone with you, and that scared you. You didn't want to fall apart in front of him once more, not after finally coming to terms with the fact that it was over.

As his past trainee and a trusted warrior, Takuk often received small and big orders from the Olo’eyktan. And Tsu’tey did not lie; he was indeed planning on a meeting with the rest of his warriors to begin the work. But once again, it was clear to you that Tsu’tey's timing and orders were as intentional as a trained hunter hitting a bullseye.

“Y/N,” he spoke softly, your ears lowering instantly at the tone, though your mind was telling you to be angry, “I missed you.”

“No,” you shook your head firmly, “You don’t get to say that if you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it,” Tsu’tey insisted, taking a step towards you, but you backed away from him, your heart hardened, “I’m sorry for the way I left things off.”

Unbelievable. After everything he had put you through, he had the audacity to show up like this and tell you he missed you? It was too late. The damage was done.

"You're sorry?" you scoffed, "Is that all?”

"No, I regret my words,” his eyes searched yours for a sign of forgiveness, “But I’ve changed. I am not that man anymore who couldn’t give you what you deserved. I’m not scared anymore.”

"It's too late for that, Tsu'tey," your voice was shaky, "I don’t want somebody who doesn’t want me… not anymore. I’ve learned my lesson. I moved on.”

Tsu'tey took another step towards you, but you held up a hand to stop him.

"Please, just go.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsu’tey never knew the true weight of jealousy until you. It was always easier with Silwanin. He was intimidating to begin with and the whole clan knew about his love for her, so nobody dared to even think about courting the chief’s oldest daughter. But having given Takuk a permission to court you himself and seeing you continue to spend time with that man, while ignoring Tsu’tey’s every attempt to talk to you, made him furious. As the Olo’eyktan, Tsu’tey felt corrupted to use his position to get back at Takuk. He became ruthless during the training at the camp, pointing out Takuk's mistakes in front of his own students. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help his anger.

Tsu’tey was also so desperate for your attention that he even forced himself to ask Neytiri for help. She scoffed at his request to seat you with him during the communal dinner but agreed to help anyway. Though, as she led you by the hand and you neared the circle, it was clear what she was trying to do. You pulled out of her grasp and sat down on the other side to avoid being near him. Reluctantly, Neytiri had to follow and sit down next to you, shooting an apologetic look to Tsu’tey. His heart sank once more at the failed attempt, and Jake had to reassure him with a nudge.

“Why won’t you speak with him?” Neytiri whispered, as you blatantly ignored Tsu’tey’s eyes piercing through you.

“I don’t want to have to do anything with him,” you replied harshly, occupying yourself with your food.

“He is truly sorry for the way he behaved,” she continued, trying to get it through you but you were too stubborn to listen.

The pain of being left by Tsu’tey was incomparable to anything you had ever experienced before. It cut so deep into your soul that you hardly recognized yourself anymore. You lost your appetite, with it, some weight, and the usual spark in your eyes. Mentally, you closed off and fortified your walls, to stop letting yourself hope. You refused to put yourself in a position where you were chasing after someone who didn't want you again. If Tsu’tey regretted his harshness towards you, then so be it. Your desire was to hold onto what little dignity remained, and if you let him close, it would have been completely gone.

“You’re wasting time,” Neytiri continued, “I have never seen him so desperate for anyone’s attention before.”

A big lump started to form in your throat: Neytiri always knew how to push your buttons. Your heart still swelled with the love for Tsu’tey but your mind was telling you to stay angry, not let him in. For once, you were listening to your mind instead of blindly following your heart. Not everything you love is good for you.

“Try some of this,” Tsu’tey’s voice rang loudly in your ears, your eyes quickly following his movements.

He crouched down in front of you, offering you a meat wrap in his open palm. All eyes seemed to be drawn to the chief kneeling in front of a regular clan member and sharing his food. It was a highly respected but rare gesture, usually perceived as a big compliment, or as a sign of courting? Your eyes darted between his hand stretched out towards you and his face wearing an expression of anticipation. You were acutely aware of the attention you were getting, and the more you stared at him, the more embarrassed you felt.

What was he trying to gain from you with a public gesture? Make you comply because of his title and give in? Did he think it would change things in private? You felt anger boiling up inside of you, as you announced as loud as you could.

“I am grateful for the gesture, Olo’eyktan Tsu’tey, but I feel ill, so I must refuse it. Now if you’ll excuse me,” you stood up, not giving him a chance to respond.

Tsu’tey, like the rest of the clan, stared after you, as you walked away, clutching at your stomach as if you were in pain. He had to swallow his pride once more and return to his spot. Tsu’tey listened quietly to everything that Jake was then telling him, about the ways humans courted each other, how he shouldn’t have put you into such a position, and it made him lose his appetite. Was the thought of him so disgusting to you?

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You continued to turn a cold shoulder on Tsu’tey, whether he showed up at your home to talk and you would walk out on him, or he approached you when you were with others, occupied with anything else but him. Days and nights passed, but you just didn't understand what he wanted from you.

So you found yourself wandering deeper and deeper into the rainforest regularly, trying to lose yourself in the lush greenery. Your thoughts were consumed with the mistakes you had made, and you tried to convince yourself that Tsu’tey's intentions to apologize no longer mattered. You were fed up with feeling sad over him, and anger had taken its place, though you still yearned for his touch each night before you slept.

You were completely lost in your thoughts, when a low growl shattered through the quiet of the forest. A palulukan sprang in front of you, hissing furiously. Panic surged through you as you forced yourself to back away as slow as you could, though it was pointless. You were defenseless; running from a hungry palulukan was like playing into the dangerous game of a trapped helpless prey.

Just as you thought it was the end of your life, the palulukan slowly lowered its head to your height. A glimmer of recognition flickered in your mind as you took a deep breath. Was it possible that it recognized you? The palulukan cautiously took a few steps towards you, its growls softening as if it decided against attacking you.

“Y/N, stay back!” Tsu’tey yelled, leaping between you and the animal, arrow already aimed.

"No, don't shoot!" you cried out desperately, "It's her! The one we saved."

The animal jumped back with a low hiss, sniffing around Tsu’tey as it began to recognize the man who saved her. Tsu’tey glanced back at you, and as you nodded to confirm your words, he slowly lowered his weapon. But he remained in front of you protectively anyway.

“She grew twice her size,” he commented with an observing eye, a hint of pride evident in his voice.

The palulukan caught and recognized your scent, seeming to relax and slowly retreating, flicking its powerful tail in a sign of trust. You marveled at the sight, watching the animal leave and disappear into the dense flora. A breathy chuckle escaped from your mouth, and you stepped out from behind Tsu’tey to bid a farewell to the palulukan. Like a sign from Eywa… you could feel her presence. It wasn't a coincidence.

“What are you doing here? This is not a safe place to be,” Tsu’tey quickly snapped back to reality, addressing you harsher than he usually would.

“I can be wherever I want to be,” you put a distance between you.

"I don't want any member of my clan wandering this far alone and unarmed. Especially not you," he gestured to the empty space where your bow and arrow should have been. You fought the embarrassed blush - it was your slip up.

“I don’t need a babysitter. So stop following me around.”

“Not unless you talk to me,” he persisted.

You were growing irritated once again, crossing your arms on your chest. Arguing was wearing you down, sucking out all of the remaining energy.

“Then you talk, I have nothing to say to you.”

“I’m sorry,” he began, and you couldn’t help but scoff at the words, “I truly am. I was a fool to hurt you, to push you away. I was scared because I thought I couldn’t give you what you deserved.”

“I don’t know what you want for me, Tsu’tey. Forgiveness? Do you want me to take the apology and move on?” you questioned with a harsh tone, “Because I am trying to do what you wanted me to. I don’t protest Takuk’s courting, I stay away from you and I’m trying to move on no matter how much -”

“I see you,” he interrupted, stepping closer to you.

“You see me,” you repeated confusedly, but your tail wagged aimlessly, betraying the small pang of excitement. Did he really mean it?

“I do, I see you,” he nodded, lowering himself to the ground in front of you, “Please, give me a chance.”

Your eyes widened at the sight of Tsu’tey kneeling, his hands wrapped gently around your ankles. You stared down at him, observing the way his face etched with true regret and something else? Like there was an admiration for you.

“What are you doing, Tsu’tey?” you swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything," he spoke desperately, his grip tightened as he looked up at you with pleading eyes, "I tried to push my feelings for you away, but they were too strong to fight. I can't bear the thought of you being with anyone else but me… I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

"Love?" Your eyes darted back and forth between his, trying to find any hint of lying, but all you saw was sincerity.

“Yes, I have fallen for you completely. My mind and body belong to you… my heart belongs to you now,” he whispered, as his hands reached for yours.

Tsu’tey, the man who had once claimed he could never love you, was now on his knees pleading with you to give him a chance. His eyes were glistening with tears, and you unintentionally mirrored him, feeling your own starting to roll down your cheeks.

All this time, you had thought he wanted your forgiveness for his harshness, but what he really wanted was to be with you. His heart belonged to you? You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping to wake up from what felt like another one of your nightly dreams. But it was real. Tsu’tey had confessed his love for you, and it was entirely real.

“Can you find it in your heart to take pity on a foolish, cowardly man like me? Do you think you could ever love me back?” he looked up at you with so much hope. Tsu’tey refused to back down now, when he had it all out in the open.

“Tsu’tey,” you let out, freeing your hand from his grasp. He would have died on the spot sensing rejection if you hadn’t brought your hand to cup his cheek tenderly. “I have loved you since we were kids, you know that, don’t you?”

“Truly?” he whispered, leaning his face into your touch, “Even after everything I did?”

“Always, no matter what happens, I could never stop loving you,” you confessed, lowering yourself to kneel in front of him.

Tsu’tey searched your eyes for any sign of doubt, his mind struggling to keep up with your words. But the way you looked at him was unmistakable; he had seen that loving, eager gaze before. He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours, tasting his own tears mixed with yours. You shivered at the feeling that was so different, yet so pleasant. He loved you. Tsu’tey loved you!

Infectious warmth was spreading through you, and it felt like you were dreaming. You placed your hand on his chest, feeling the racing of his heart beneath your palm. Tsu’tey took your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

“Tsaheylu,” he whispered, his eyes locking onto yours.

You’d be his, he’d be yours. He was scared that you’d push him away, but as you reached out to bring out your kuru, an abiding affection filled him from head to toe. He rushed to bring out his forward too, and as you were close to connecting, you couldn’t help but whisper.

“I see you,” you said, meeting Tsu’tey’s gaze.

“I see you,” he replied, a smile spreading across his face.

Your kurus connected, forming a tsaheylu, and you leaned forward and kissed him again, feeling the power of it coursing through your body. It was like the two halves were becoming one, and you could feel everything Tsu’tey felt. All of the doubts and fears were slipping away now that you had proof he was telling the truth, he loved you, and his mind and body were consumed by the thoughts of you. Tsu’tey felt your love too, everything you ever told him and did for him was with the intention of loving him… being hopelessly devoted to him. He could sense the way your heart raced and synced with the beat of his own.

As Tsu’tey continued to kiss you with an almost feverish intensity, it caused a rush of warmth to spread through your body. His kisses were gentle yet urgent, as if he was afraid you would disappear if he didn't show you enough affection. You couldn't help but hold him tight, wanting to feel his warmth and closeness after being apart for so long.

You ran your fingers through his braided hair, marveling at how much you missed the feeling. The way his lips moved across your cheek, your forehead, your jawline - leaving hot traces on your skin. His fingers tracing the curves of your body. Him exploring you like he was discovering you for the first time.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsu’tey was desperate to show you his regret, how he truly felt miserable for hurting you. He was forgetting that you could feel it too, as he committed to absorbing every little sound you made, his lips moving over your folds, long digits stretching you out simultaneously. He was overwhelming, and you couldn’t help but squeeze him with your thighs, letting out a loud whimper when he sucked on your clit.

“Tsu’tey, please,” you whispered, your limbs starting to tremble at the tension in your core, “I need to feel you.”

He hummed against you, sending pleasant vibrations to your sensitive button. It was difficult to hold himself back but Tsu’tey wanted to pour out all of his love to you in the moment, to show how much he prioritized your happiness. You, you, you. It’s all you could hear in his thoughts, how he ignored the painful tension in his own body before sending a wave of pleasure through yours. You throbbed around his digits, fingers falling to his hair as you pulled his mouth away from you. He gazed into your half-lidded eyes, pupils dilating at the sight of you melting underneath him. At the feeling of your pleasure spreading through you and flowing with a taintest wave back to his own head.

He then rocked into you gently, slowly, savoring the moment. And you didn’t mind. You missed having him nestled in between your hips, angling himself in a way to pleasure you, to reach that spot inside you that made your eyes roll to the back of your head. He groaned, the tsaheylu intensifying every feeling in every nerve of his body. You kissed him again and again, becoming one with Tsu’tey, letting all of the pain slip away and make place for love.

The idea of his pleasure only heightened yours, and you could feel the knot tightening within you as the pressure built up. Tsu’tey picked up his pace, whispering your name and confessing his love, but you couldn’t hear him. As your bodies intertwined, the thoughts seemed to vanish into thin air. You came, squeezing him so desperately, he was forced to follow right after you. Your moans vanished and disappeared into the back of his throat.

He had been so lost before, so broken and shattered, but with you by his side, everything seemed to fall into place. Your touch was like a balm to his wounded soul, healing the scars of the past. And the way you looked at him - with such tenderness - made him feel like he was the only person in the world.

Tsu’tey pulled away slightly, hovering over you with an observant gaze. You couldn’t help but smile hazily at the feeling of him still inside you, reaching to cup his cheek. He knew it. You were completely his for the rest of your life. How could he ever think you were a distraction when you were his cure all along? All of the self-loathing and hatred he felt seemed so unimportant when he had someone like you love him.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You couldn’t get enough of each other, and it’s been weeks since Tsu’tey and you became mates. Yet, no matter how much time you spent together, you always rushed to him at the end of your day. It was mostly with you in his arms, spending restless nights of passion, and conversations about the future, as you went to sleep. It was one of those nights when you laid on his chest, in a peaceful quiet, when Tsu’tey broke it.

"I've been thinking about something," he said softly, tracing circles on your back.

"Mhm, what is it?" you asked, looking up at him with a curious smile.

Oh, how he loved your smile! It was all he yearned for now that he got a taste of seeing you so happy. With him! Tsu’tey still couldn’t believe that he could make you smile and laugh so much, your cheeks hurt. All it took him was to admit his love, and your heart was healing alongside his, quickly, beating loyally for the other’s. He leaned in to kiss you softly, something he did often mid-conversations because he couldn’t keep it in anymore. Now that it was out in the open and you were mated, Tsu’tey quickly learned to stop worrying about everybody else but you. So if he wanted to hold you during communal dinners, he’d do just that, completely oblivious to your ashamed flushed face.

“I had this dream last night… And many nights before that too.”

"What was it about?" you raised an eyebrow in surprise. He rarely shared his dreams with you, because he found it to be pointless.

"It was about us," a smile spread across his face, quickly mirroring on your own, "I saw a big family. I also felt Eywa’s presence in it."

You felt your heart skip a beat at the mention of having a family, the idea of one with a man of your dreams was unsettling, overflowing. You have been in love with him for so long, it was still hard to believe he was yours sometimes. So having Tsu’tey dream about having a family with you made you emotional. Noticing your intense thinking, Tsu’tey wrapped his arms around you, and pulled you close. He had learnt his lesson, there would be nothing more unspoken left in between you. He did not wish to hurt you again.

"I love you, Y/N. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and raise a family.”

"I would love that," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. He grinned.

"Then it's settled," he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You snuggled closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. As you drifted off to sleep, you felt grateful to Eywa for the man lying next to you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

THE END

But wait, I have a bonus thingy (I didn’t know where to include it so):

Despite you slowly getting used to the idea of being the Olo’eyktan’s mate and getting more involved in his duties, you cannot seem to get back to yours. It is difficult to face Mo’at again, to take up healing, which you were so sure was your calling. Did you truly deserve to be a Tsahik? What if you were not talented enough? This killed Tsu’tey, as he would have preferred nobody else but you to become the clan’s healer.

He spent days trying to talk to you about it, having already announced his news of finding a mate to Mo’at. She wasn’t surprised to hear it, knowing that her hunch was always right, but you refusing to follow your tsakarem path upset her. Tsu’tey was determined to change that. When he saw his words were typically swayed by you into a different topic, he would send people to talk to you. It began with Jake and Neytiri, some of your healer friends, eventually he even asked Mo’at to scold you for your stubbornness, so you avoided her the best you could.

His plan outgrew itself when random clan members would come into your hut injured and ask for help, but sensing that it was his orders, you would send them away to seek help from Tsahik.

To say that getting injured was unintentional would be a lie; the idea of rushing to you for help seemed like a solution to Tsu’tey. After all, you would treat your mate if he was hurt, right? It was a stupid plan and you’d probably get mad at him for being careless, maybe not talk to him for a day, but if it could spark that interest again, why not take the risk? He learned from Jake Sully that all is fair in love and war.

When Tsu’tey stumbled into your hut with a loud groan, your eyes immediately spotted traces of red all over his thigh. You rushed to him to help him sit, scanning for other injuries, your heart racing with worry.

“Tsu’tey, what happened?” you questioned him.

“Jumped into the bushes from my ikran and scraped my leg, but I’m alright,” he groaned.

“You have blood,” you pointed out, “I’ll get Tsahik.”

“No, yawne,” he put his hand over your thigh to stop you from getting up, “I want you to help me.”

“It's better for Tsahik to do it. I don’t know how,” you shook your head, the two of you knowing well it was a lie. You were perfectly capable of cleaning him up in a matter of minutes.

“Y/N,” he said softer this time, hand coming up to cup your cheek, “Please would you help your mate?”

You stopped the protest, the red painted on his thigh seeming to reason with you. Then nodded with a small sigh before getting up to gather some supplies from your stash. Tsu’tey couldn’t help a satisfied smile that creeped onto his lips, as he watched you work. His wound wasn’t as bad as it looked, he cut skin which caused the bleeding, but it wasn’t deep enough to bother him.

You worked quickly, feeling the way his eyes lingered on you, reminding you of the time when he first came in with a broken arm into the Tsahik’s hut. You looked up at Tsu’tey to find a glimmer in his eyes with a wicked smirk he was desperately trying to hide.

“This looked worse than it actually is,” you noted, finishing up, “Why are you smiling?”

“No reason,” Tsu’tey shrugged, “Just happy to see you back in your element.”

“I am not back in my element,” you huffed, putting the supplies aside and shifting in your seat to face him, “Why would you even jump off your ikran without landing first?”

“I don’t know, just wanted to jump,” Tsu’tey said but his growing smirk was raising your suspicions.

“Do you think that I’d believe an Olo’eyktan would go off jumping his ikran mid-flying, as if he was a fresh warrior?” you questioned with an angry flare in your voice, “I can see right through you, Tsu’tey. This was careless… stupid of you.”

“But yawne, admit it, it felt good to treat me, right?” Tsu’tey ignored your scolding, hand reaching out to pull you to his chest.

You were genuinely upset with him for going the extra mile for you, but you couldn’t help it when he was so sweet. His arms wrapped around your middle, burying his face in the back of your head with a satisfied hum.

“Tsu’tey, it is not funny,” you tried to continue with anger, but it came out too low, “You shouldn’t injure yourself like that for me.”

“I just want to see you do what you like to do. Is it so bad to wish you used your talents?”

“I don’t have talent for healing -”

“I don’t like it when you lie to me,” he interrupted.

You fell quiet. He was being sweet the past week, trying everything to get you back into healing.

“Fine, I’ll give it another chance…” you trailed off, and it took a moment for him to turn you around with a joyous laughter and kiss you with all the gratitude he felt.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Oh, and bonus canons to resolve some of the plots:

Takuk found out about you being mated with Tsu’tey soon after, being one of the first.

he came to ask you to spend time with him when saw Tsu’tey come out of your hut

later that day he felt the change not only in your mood but also in your scent, and it all clicked in his head

being respectful of his Olo’eyktan and having doubts from the beginning that there was some truth to the rumors, Takuk didn’t take it to his heart

his whole life he looked up to Tsu’tey and he was happy to see the man beaming with love

you and Tsu’tey both felt bad for leaving things unanswered but eventually it passed

there was no more tension Tsu’tey felt between himself and Takuk

Neytiri threw the fact that you’re together into Jake’s face almost every day

every time they saw you two, Jake got ready to receive that satisfied smirk from Neytiri

of course, it was her who found out about you mating with Tsu’tey

the second they saw each other on the next day after your mating, they exchanged a knowing look

he thought it’d be fair to tell Neytiri first for everything she did for him

you quickly slipped into your usual self, even happier than you were before Tsu’tey and it didn’t go unnoticed

while it was a bit sudden to them, the clan mostly reacted well when they saw Tsu’tey hold your hand

eventually everyone realized that happy Tsu’tey = happy clan, so no one dared to even think anything negative

you and Tsu’tey began to make your own place, in the meantime, he would come and spend time at your hut

he’d sometimes finish up his chores for the day earlier to come and fetch you from Mo’at

she was not eager to let you go but she couldn’t say no when she saw your smile whenever Tsu’tey walked in

and though you had your doubts at first, after the tsaheylu, trusting Tsu’tey was the easiest thing you had to do

after feeling what he felt for you and hearing him reassure you every night, you felt like the most important person to him

which you are

Tsu’tey was grateful for finding you, after losing everything else

as lessons went by, it was only logical that Mo’at announced you to be the new tsakarem

connecting with Eywa became one of your favorite things, as you were not ashamed of what you had or didn’t have anymore

your connection grew stronger and often you got signs from her, one of the perks of being the future Tsahik

the love between you and Tsu'tey also grew stronger with each passing day, and you felt like you've finally found your purpose

Jake always said something about you falling for Tsu’tey first, but him falling for you harder

you’re not sure what it really meant but he assured you it was a good thing back on earth, !!!romantic!!!

of course, Tsu’tey and you started discussing having kids (like a few weeks in) but decided to hold on to it for a little bit longer, so that you could focus on each other and your new duties

but it didn’t take too long until you gave in…

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

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