Head Above Water
Inspired by “Head Above Water” by Olive James and “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings.
“Something’s wrong,” Kara said, sitting upright.
Alex checked her phone, her eyebrows furrowed, and said, “J’onn didn’t text me. Did you hear a car crash or something?” Kara shook her head. She didn’t know how to explain the panic she felt or where it came from. “Hey,” Alex said, reaching over to touch her sister’s arm. “You’re probably just a little shaken from seeing Lex last week. Nothing’s wrong. Let’s just watch the movie.” Kara closed her eyes. That wasn’t it, and she knew it. Alex slid a little closer to on the couch and put her arm around Kara. “Talk to me,” she said, her voice soft and tender.
“I don’t know what it is,” said Kara. “But something’s wrong. I have to go.”
“Kara,” said Alex as Kara stood and pulled her glasses off her face. “Kara,” she said again, a little louder, but Supergirl was already gone.
In the air, Kara scanned the city, flying between skyscrapers. She strained her ears, hoping for something to do to keep her mind off of Lena. It had been months since Lena had severed their friendship. Months since Kara had even seen her. Kara knew how badly her betrayal had hurt Lena, but she hoped beyond hope that Lena would still forgive her. As more time passed, that hope grew further away. A feeling bubbled up inside her--something like grief, something like heartbreak, something like darkness. The feeling was always there, though she did her best to suppress it by focusing on work and catching bad guys. Aside from the weekly Danvers sisters movie night, Kara never gave herself a break, never let the silence win. In the silence, the pain from losing Lena hit her like a knife, over and over and over.
Kara hadn’t let herself cry over Lena, not since a few times at the beginning. She could feel it coming now, though, same as the feeling that rose inside her and pressed on her heart. She flew blindly through her tears, on autopilot toward Lena’s penthouse, then paused in the shadow of a building a few blocks away. Just the distant sight of the familiar balcony brought a wave of anguish, stronger than ever. It didn’t matter how much she worked or how many people she put behind bars. She was drowning, and it was getting harder and harder to keep her head above water.
Kara flew a little closer to Lena’s building and realized that Lena was standing outside. The sight of her brought fresh tears. Even from a distance, Kara was struck by how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. She closed her eyes and hovered for a moment, allowing herself to imagine that they were still friends, best friends, and that in just a second, she would land on the balcony and Lena would embrace her, then they would go inside together and talk like they used to.
With a sigh, Kara opened her eyes and brushed the tears from her face. She couldn’t get much closer without risking being seen, and she didn’t want Lena to think she watched her on a regular basis--this was the first time. She had kept her promise. No contact.
Kara squinted. Something was wrong. She had been too distracted and her eyes had been too clouded with tears to notice before, but with rising panic, she realized Lena wasn’t just standing on her balcony, looking out over the city lights. Lena was balanced on the inch-thick edge just past the railing, her arms stretched to her side, gripping the railing tightly. A flutter of the wind, a relaxing of her grip, and Lena would fall.
“Lena!” Kara screamed and flew forward as fast as she could, not caring about her promise, not caring that Lena hated her. Lena could hate her tomorrow. Lena could hate her for the rest of her life, as long as Lena lived.
The brunette opened her eyes, startled to hear someone call her name. When she realized it was Kara, her eyes narrowed.
“What are you doing here?” Lena said spitefully. “I thought I told you to leave me alone.”
“I know I did,” said Kara. “And I promise I’ll go right back to doing that, but Lena, what are you doing standing on the edge? Please, let me help you back over.” Kara flew closer, about five feet from Lena. “Please, Lena,” she whispered. “Please, don’t jump.”
“Why do you even care?” said Lena with a sneer. “You made it very clear how little you actually care for me and how little stock you actually put in our friendship. Just leave me alone.” Her voice broke on the last word and she closed her eyes briefly, taking a shaky breath.
“Lena, you know I can’t do that,” said Kara, her voice gaining strength. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t,” said Lena, looking down toward the dark street, her grip slackening a little.
“Then pretend I’m someone else, anyone else,” said Kara, trying not to panic while inching closer and eyeing Lena’s hands. “Just tell me what’s going on.” She added, barely audibly, “Please.”
Lena hesitated, then said, “It won’t change anything between us.”
“I understand,” said Kara.
Lena took another shaky breath. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said. “I thought that without any friends, I would be better off. I could focus and not be distracted and I couldn’t get hurt again. But... But I’m not better off.”
A spark of hope blossomed in Kara’s chest. “Lena, I--”
“Just stop,” Lena said. “You never cared about me the way I cared about you. Never.”
“Lena, that’s not true. If you’d just let me--”
“No!” Lena screamed, tears blurring her vision. “You don’t get to just make it all okay by showing up here to save me and saying a few nice words. I’m not going to put myself in that position again just to end up being the one who gets burned, again.” She sobbed and swayed slightly as she let go of the railing with one hand to wipe her face. Instinctively, Kara flew forward, ready to catch her, then stopped as Lena grabbed the railing again.
For a minute, neither of them spoke. Then Lena said, “If you cared about me, you would have told me who you really were. You would have trusted me. But you didn’t trust me. Which means you never really cared.” Kara didn’t dare say anything to further upset her, but her heart ached to tell her that of course she cared. More than cared.
Lena continued, “Why don’t you just fly on home to that sister of yours and have a good laugh about pathetic Lena Luthor, the girl who was never good enough for anyone?”
“We don’t think that about you,” Kara said, interrupting her.
“Just leave,” Lena said.
“I can’t,” Kara said.
“This is what you wanted, right?” Lena said. “For me to be out of your life? You never really cared anyway.”
“Is that really what you think?” Kara said, still very aware of Lena’s precarious foothold.
Lena’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t know anymore. At least that’s what I thought.” She inhaled deeply and looked Kara in the eye, then broke the contact. “I’m so tired,” she said finally. “I’m just so tired.”
“I know,” said Kara. “I am too. The truth is, I feel like I’m drowning without you.”
Lena looked up, surprised.
In the other woman’s silence, Kara continued, “I have never felt a deeper pain than the pain I feel without you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, because I understand that I hurt you. I understand that I broke you, and I wish with everything in me that I hadn’t. But I need you to know that I am lost without you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely breathe.” Lena opened her mouth as if to speak, but Kara pressed on, “I don’t know how to say sorry in any new ways. So I can only say that I miss you. Lena, I...” Kara took a breath. “I love you.”
Several heavy seconds passed that held the whole world inside them. Kara didn’t breathe. She hadn’t told Lena how she truly felt when they were friends, but that was when she was afraid she would lose the friendship. Now she had nothing left to lose.
“You love me?” Lena finally asked, her voice betraying her hope and uncertainty.
“I have loved you since I have known you,” Kara said. With a wry smile, she added, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner too.”
Lena’s hard eyes softened as she stared at Supergirl. She could feel her walls lowering, a little. In a quiet voice, she said, “Help me back over the edge?”
Kara nodded. Lena put her arms around Supergirl’s neck and allowed her to lift her from the ledge in a tight embrace. Kara could feel Lena crying, sobbing into her shoulder as they hovered high above the ground. For the first time in months, Kara felt the tight iron fist that had clutched her heart begin to loosen. They would talk later. They would work through the hurt later. For now, she just held her.
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Lena’s working at one of the tables spread throughout the warehouse Kara and her superhero friends have decided to use as a base when she see’s it. A couple yards away, Kata Kane, aka Batwoman, is whispering to Kara and Kara ducks her head, grinning. Even from her position, Lena can hear Kara’s embarrassed laughter, seeming to fill the whole room. Oh, what Lena would give to have super-hearing at that moment. If she didn’t know any better, she would say the two were flirting, but that couldn’t be right, could it? Suddenly, Kate notices her staring and, after excusing herself, makes her way over.
“She’s pretty easy to fluster, isn’t she?” Kate ask’s grinning. The device Lena was working on slips out of her grasp and onto the table with a dull clatter. She hadn’t expected the woman to be quite so blunt.
“She has super-hearing you know.” Lena says, raising an eyebrow.
Laughing, Kate replies, “Oh, I know. But look, she’s already gone over to talk to Barry. She’s distracted, and even if she wasn’t, she’s not the type to abuse her powers. Well, not usually.” Kate amends with a smirk, recalling the tattoo incident from their first meeting.
Deciding she doesn’t want to unpack whatever that last statement meant, Lena says, “She’s not into girls you know. In case that’s what you were hoping for.”
“Are you sure about that?” Kate asks, before glancing at Kara on the other side of the room. At that exact moment, Kara glances over, and Kate winks. Kara smiles, but seems just as flustered as before. “Have you ever asked her?”
“Well, no, but in all the time I’ve known her she’s never had a girlfriend.” Lena says, ignoring the stab of jealously she felt at the superheroines’ exchange.
“I know one way we can both find out for sure.” Kate says, and oh, why does that make Lena feel so much trepidation?
“Hey Kara?” Kate shouts, startling Lena. That isn’t quite what she thought she meant, but it seems just as bad at the moment.
“Yeah?” Kara shouts, before seeming to think better about yelling across the room and speeding towards them.
“Are you bisexual?” Kate asks.
Blinking, Kara takes a moment to respond. Eyebrows furrowing, she goes “..No?”
Before Lena can shoot Kate an I told you so look, Kara continues. “We didn’t really have sexualities on Krypton. Everyone just loved who they loved and gender was never an issue. I guess I’m like that. Was there a reason for this question?”
“Just curious” Kate said with a very pleased look on her face.
“Ah, well, okay then?” Kara replies a little uncertainly. Glancing between the two of them, she says, “I’m just going to go talk to Barry now, we were strategizing.” At that, she sped away, not giving either of them time to respond.
“You’re welcome.” Kate said, turning towards Lena.
“Wha-what’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, I know you have a big crush on your best friend and I’m helping you realize a relationship isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility for you two. You’re really pretty, and if I thought I had a chance, I’d probably flirt with you too. And I think Kara has noticed too.”
“Does that mean you’re going to stop flirting with Kara?” Lena asks suspiciously, not quite willing to open up to this woman she’s just met.
“Oh, not at all. She’s hot and she can lift a truck, you’re on your own.” Kate says, before smirking and leaving Lena behind, speechless.
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Later that night:
“Hope, I thought maybe the superheroes from other Earths would be different, but Kate Kane has proven that they, too, are not to be trusted.”
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Did I write this entire scene just for the joke at the end? Yes. Yes I did. Sorry the quality is a little meh, I wasn’t planning to write anything tonight but this thought just sprung into my head.
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The SuperCorp Fanfic That Saved My Life! Pure Gold!
Wait For Me To Come Home, By: lostariels. (Aka: a freaking genius)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/9982031/chapters/22296386
Completed SuperCorp Fan Fiction.
Military AU, Kara is a BAMF and so is basically every other female in this fic. A Side Sanvers and full dose of SUPERCORP.
The most devastatingly beautiful fanfic I've ever read for SuperCorp. The "Twist and Shout" of the SuperCorp fandom. A rollercoaster of joy and anguish. Complete with an adorable and fluffy happy ending to cushion the previous pain. 1000% vouch for this story. I refuse to live in a world where it is not the most renowned fic for these beautiful lesbians! They just want love but The CW insists on the infliction of compulsory heternormity.
LenaXjames blows chunks!!!!!!!!!!
SUPERCORP FOREVER!
Summary:
By a chance encounter, Lena meets Kara, a soldier home on leave as she waits for her next deployment, at a local coffee shop one afternoon.
As they start talking, Lena feels drawn to Kara; there's something about her warmth and openness that fills the gap left by Lena's troubled childhood.
They grow close over the next few months, falling for each other as they spend more time together.
But Kara's deployment is inevitable, and with promises that she'll come home, Lena waits for her.
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