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grippingbeskar · 2 years

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salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter eighteen - your fathers eyes

frank castle x fem!reader

word count: 5.9k

warnings: canon typical violence, punisher shit, mentions of blood, death, gross stuff u know the drill by now. also we decapitate someone. ya.

a/n: i’m not even an older sibling but why does this make me so emo???? idk. also yes i named the brother bc i’m watching supernatural again. i’m soft okay don’t look at me. how is there 18 chapters of my shit up in this bitch wow okay enjoy!!

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It had been an hour since the call from Agent Madani, and you were still in some sort of shock.

They’re going to kill him.

“Where’d you see ‘em last?” Frank had asked, getting in the drivers side of the car while you loaded the boot as fast as you could.

“He’s heading back to base, but it’s a mess. The ‘New America’ men stationed there have gone full riot— they saw the news, thought it was time to take a stand or some shit. Dead bodies everywhere. I have a link through their network— he’s given the order to move the kid, but the rest of them want him dead.”

“Why move him?” You felt sick as Frank pulled off the curb, but it was a fair question. Bobby wanted to hurt you— break the last piece of yourself you still had. Why not just kill him now? You were still six hours away, although with the way Frank was driving, it would be less.

“He said he wanted to finish the job— that he was taking him somewhere he could do that.” A part of you lit up— a part that you had tried to swallow down the past few weeks, something that had been far too easy to do.

“My old house.” You say, and Frank looks at you only for a second before repeating it into the phone. “It’s only an hour away from their base. We still have five between us.”

“They haven’t been able to get him out yet. Too many people.” You’d bought yourself time— maybe a few precious hours, but it would be enough. It had to be. “I’m heading out there now, you go straight to the kid. I’ll tell the rest of the squad to meet you there.”

Frank throws the phone behind him, and you see the red bar of the accelerator hit a new height. The highway stretched so far in front of you that you couldn’t see any end— it was like it went on forever, continuously throwing miles and miles between you and one of the only things you cared about.

“We’re gonna get there.” Frank says, sending your anxiety and you tuck your legs up under your chin. “There’s too many of the Colonels guys out there to make a quick exit.”

“Bobby’s men will shred them.”

“Good. That was always the plan. It’ll take ‘em time, time we need.” Swallowing hard, the seatbelt around your neck feels like it’s suffocating you. “We’re gonna get there.”

“How do you know?” The voice that comes out of you isn’t one you felt related to anymore— that low, commanding tone that sent shivers down your spine. Frank isn’t phased, his hand dropping from the wheel and planting firmly over yours.

“You trust me?” It was simple now— you trusted him with your life, like he did with his. Once a far away idea, now a real, tangled thread tying you to him. You nod once, and you swear he smiles slightly. “I’ll get you there.”

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Frank drove the next few hours, and you slept where you could. Once you got into the drivers seat, Frank passed out almost immediately. He’d told you to wake him up in an hour, but he needed to conserve his energy, so you let him sleep.

Weaving through traffic, you knew what you were driving into. It was going to be your last few moments of freedom— but nothing would stop you. Not when you were this close. You’d come to terms with the fact he might not know who you are, and as much as that broke your heart, nothing mattered more than his safety. He was your brother. The one you had let your house burn for, the one you’d killed for a thousand times. You owed him this much. It was your fault he was there, your fault he was used as leverage.

Everything you had done was leading to this moment, and when the sign to your town flashed over your head, you took the exit and woke Frank up, trying to swallow down the sickness in your chest.

“Hey, we’re nearly there.” He shot up, moving a lot easier than just a few hours before. The other wounds would hold well enough, but that one on his side was still raw. Madani had said they were taking a few men with your brother, and they’d only gotten him out about half an hour ago. You’d beat them here— giving you an advantage. You’d need all the help you could get right now.

“They already there?” Frank leans into the back seat, pulling out a long gun and loading it up.

“No. We should have… twenty minutes.” You pull onto your street. God— it was your street, your home after so long. The neighbouring houses were exactly how you remembered them— white picket fences, golden retrievers barking at mail men, the smell of someone barbecuing something. It was all so… familiar. “It’s this one.”

Pulling over, you hadn’t allowed yourself to look just yet. There’s been something built over the top of the ruins. A giant yellow ‘for sale’ sign is sticking up in the lawn, and then you see the one thing about this street that you don’t recognise. The house— entirely rebuilt as if you were never there. In some ways, you guessed you weren’t.

“Hey.” Is all Frank says, but it’s all he needs to. He says everything in that one look— that you needed to be good right now, needed to be strong just for a little longer, and you’d have everything you worked for. You both get out of the car, and look up.

“You should get up high. Pick them off.” Watching Frank wince as he bends out of the car, it’s clear he’s not 100%.

“Just like before. Once you see him, go. Madani’ll be there somewhere.” He says, but not with the relief that you feel. Your brother was going to be safe; that was a good thing. “Once your brothers safe…”

“I do what she wants me to do.” A metallic taste in your mouth forms at the words, knowing you wouldn’t see him again. Was that it? “That’s the deal.”

Frank meant… something to you now. What that was, you hadn’t had time to figure out, but it was big enough to distract you from your work, and certainly big enough to risk your life for. You’d brought each other back from the edge time and time again, and even though it had only been a few months since you met him, you don’t remember feeling anything like you do now for anyone you’ve met.

The way he always looked at you like you were something special— the first real person to treat you with some kind of dignity, kindness, compassion. He saved your life, knowing what you were and what you’d done, and you had done the same for him. He stepped forward, hand reaching for yours as he pulled you toward the empty house.

“Once he’s safe, come back to me.” You blink a few times. Once your brother was out, Madani would need to take you in. None of this made sense if you weren’t the link—if you weren’t her informant, she would never get the location to be here today. You had to— “You come back.”

“I can’t. Agent Madani—“

“Screw that.” He busted the lock to the door, and instantly you were looking around, finding possible vantage points of the new layout all the while trying to process what Frank was saying.

“I- I have to make sure he’s okay.” That was all it was. There was only, truely, one person that would override whatever it was holding you to him. One person that didn’t even know who you were. You heard the screech of tires outside, and knew that you didn’t have time. You never seemed to have the time you wanted with him, no matter how long you were given.

“He will be.” The guns strapped to him bulk him up too much, and you can’t get closer, but you heart was beating so fast like he was on top of you. You already know what he’s trying to say before he says it.

“I can’t ask you to do that. He’s… he needs to be away from all this shit. Away from me—“

“That’s bullshit. Kid would be lucky to have someone like you.” You try to blink it away, but a tear drops down your cheek anyway. “It’s not just for him. Come back to me.”

“I will. You know I will.” He doesn’t look so sure. You knew you needed to go with Agent Madani— give her what she wants, hold up your end of the deal. You couldn’t start your life running from another person. But after all that, you’d come back to him. You always would. “You remember that day that I left the hotel, after you stitched my leg up?”

“I remember that night.” You suck in a slow breath, trying not to think about how his hands held your skin, how you knew how they felt everywhere now.

“I left in the morning, and you told me you would leave if I didn’t come back.” He nods, eyes looking over your shoulder and out the window again, checking you were still alone, then locking back on you. “I knew I was coming back. Always. No matter what happens, I’ll come back.”

“You were late.” He looks down at you, hand tangled in your hair. “I told you thirty minutes in that hotel and I’d leave. Waited 45.”

“God, you really have gotten soft.” A grin splits his face, and his thumb traced over that tiny little scar on your head, the one he made with his gun the first time you fought. “Go.”

You shove him towards the stairs, knowing he needs time to set himself up, but he just looks at you.

“Go, Frank.” He looks like he’s in pain, and you can’t tell if it’s his side or you telling him to move, but either way it hurts him. You turn around, hearing Franks’ loud footsteps stomping up to the window of the attic you had spotted, and try to focus. Nothing was laid out the same, but you didn’t need it to be. You could asses— you could find the best spot, and then you would do what you always did. Find a way.

Frank was shooting as soon as the engine to the now pulled up car outside cut out. You shrunk back, covering yourself from the door by the corner of the wall, peeking up to look over out the window and firing a few shots. Two guys were splayed out on the driveway, blood splattered on the white fencing around the front lawn.

“Kill him now! Just fucking end it already!” One of the men was shouting and you couldn’t hold your spot any longer. You know you should, but you couldn’t stand there and wait. You had waited too long already— it was here and now, and a glimpse of brown hair, curly, like your dads, cracked out of the boot of the car, and you ran.

Adrenaline like you’d never felt it spurred every move. Three car loads of people were in front of you and you tore through them without blinking. You swung an open hand across the first man’s face, and felt the flesh split part underneath the sharp end of your fingers. Blood splattered and he fell, so you moved on to the next. Shots were firing around you, but you didn’t flinch for a second, trusting Franks’ eye to keep you safe. Trusting him to keep you safe.

You could see a part of your brothers face now. He was curled up in a corner of the boot of the car, hands over his head. You were distracted, and one of the men clocked you over the head but you recovered quickly, feeling his weight drop away when a sniper bullet tore through his head. There was another man, his focus on the car, shoving other people out of his path. He was the leader of some sort, ordering people in the chaos of bodies, and the shout of his voice was one you recognised.

You ran across the yard, dodging bullets and cracking bone wherever you could. You got your hands around the cuff of his shirt and yanked him back, only a few meters from where the gun in his hand would of been firing at your brother. He struggles, calling to someone, but your fingers are already linked around his neck. The flesh under his jaw gives way, and a familiar crack sounds as his body drops lifelessly to the pavement.

You hold his fractured head in your hands just for a second too long, before dropping it, a loud thud ringing over the shouts of men around you. The numbers had thinned, and you hadn’t realised Frank had dropped out of the second story window, hearing him groaning in pain as he laid into the man underneath him. Two more punches confirmed the man’s fate, and Frank staggered upright before turning around and starting over on the next.

You sprinted downhill, finishing off whoever you could, and your breath caught in your throat when you finally rounded the car.

You saw him.

Terrified, curled up, but unharmed. Your brother— after twelve years, he was here, and real, and right in front of you.

“Please, don’t hurt me.” His voice cries out, and footsteps behind you snap you away from the moment. You take care of your next victim swiftly, using the gun Frank gave you to put a bullet through his eyes, but not before you dragged him out of your brothers eyesight. He didn’t need to see anymore of it.

“Sammy?” You kept your distance, seeing how much the kid was shaking, but when you called his name, he looked up slowly. “Is that you?”

“How—how do you know my name?” He says, arms still wrapped over his head. You could feel how much blood you were covered in; feel it dripping off onto your shoes.

“I…” You lose the words. God— he looked just like your dad. That same curly hair, bright eyes… he even sounded like him. You heard more shots fired, and Frank was okay— you knew it, because the footsteps could be no one but him. “You won’t remember me, but I promise I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I haven’t seen you before?” He asks, the high pitch voice only reminded you how young he is. Your heart broke a little more when he shuffled back, seeing Frank appear behind you.

“It’s okay. You… I have met you before, but you were very young.” You were blinking back tears, and he squinted— curious. “Are you hurt?”

“I don’t think so.” His clothes were dirty, and there was a small cut on his cheek, probably from where they had knocked him out before chucking him in. “They— please, don’t make me go back with them. They’ll hurt me, they said—“

“No, I promise… God, I swear I will never let them take you again. Okay?” His eyes brimmed with tears, but he nodded, inching forward just a little. “First, we have to get you out of here. There’s some people coming, they are going to make sure you are safe.”

“People?” You nod, and he shakes his head. “No, no I can’t go with anyone. I don’t want to go with them again.”

“I promise you— they will keep you safe.” He was still shaking his head a little, bundled up in a corner, looking over your shoulder. You’d nearly forgotten Frank was there. “He’s a friend. It’s alright.”

“Why are you helping me?” He asks, eyes still squinted. Maybe you had mistaken his curiosity for suspicion, and it killed you that he had to be.

“I… I knew your parents. They would want me to make sure you are safe. I’ve been looking for you ever since they took you.” He shoots straight up, with more energy than you would of assumed he had with the dark rings under his eyes.

“My parents? You knew them?” You nod, going to open your mouth but he was was already talking. “What about my sister? Do you know her?”

“Your sister?” You felt something inside you thaw out— he knew he had a sister.

“They didn’t want me to know about her, but I remembered. They have her somewhere, she’ll be looking for me, too. I don’t want to go with someone else— you have to help me. I want to find her. I have to tell her I’m okay!” He was frantic, standing on his knees in the back of the van, his hands stained with how he grabbed your blood covered shoulders. “They said she was coming— that they’d kill me before she could find me. You have to let me go, I need to find—“

“Easy, kid.” Frank knelt down beside you, his hand easing Sammy down to sit. He was breathing rapidly, and looked pale. “Just… take a second. You’re okay. Just breathe.”

It’s you now that might start crying. It felt like the wind was knocked out of you— watching your brother, alive and real in front of you was one thing, but seeing Frank— Frank, who apparently never misses a fucking thing, talk him through it, counting the seconds for him slow and clear.

In for seven.

Out for eleven.

You knew exactly what you wanted now. God, it was so clear, now it was in front of you.

“I need to…” Sammy started saying again now his breathing was slower, less panicked. “I have to find my…” He stopped talking, looking up at you, eyes locked onto yours. “I do know you.”

“Yeah, you do.” You say, voice choked up. You knew what he was looking at. Where he had your fathers eyes, you were the spitting image of your mother. You saw the recognition, how his face drops when he puts it together. “I’m so sorry, Sammy. I tried to—“

He cut you off, slamming his entire body into yours so hard you nearly toppled over. His arms locked around your neck, so tight it crushed you a little but you couldn’t care less, grabbing him just as tight. He was smiling, maybe even laughing, and for some strange reason he laughed the same as he did when he was just a little baby, all high pitched and squeaky.

The sound makes you breathe again, holding him as close as possible. Your family, your fucking brother was here, in your arms, and it felt like somehow all this had been worth it. If you had to go through everything over again, for this moment, you would. Even with your brother in your arms, though, you knew it wasn’t the only thing you’d go through hell to fight for again.

Frank had a hand on your lower back, keeping you from dropping backwards even further as Sam eventually stopped clinging to you.

“How did you find me?!” He shouted, a giant grin spread across his little face. You never thought you had a motherly bone in your body, but seeing him just made you want to grab him and never let him out of your sight again.

“I never stopped looking for you. They never let me see you, I thought you might of been…”

“I knew they had you! I nearly found you, too! But they told me you were coming, just a few months ago and I thought it wasn’t real, but it was!” A car pulls onto the street, and you grab him, putting yourself in front of Frank and Sam. Franks hand falls on your shoulder.

“It’s Madani.” You knew she would come. Knew that this wouldn’t last, but he was safe. She would make sure of it. You turned back around, linking your hand with Frank’s, who had inched closer to you.

“I never stopped looking for you.” You put your hand on his head, and he smiles again, but it doesn’t last long when he sees Agent Madani walking up to you on the street, two other agents with pale faces taking in the scene. “Don’t worry. She’s a friend, too.”

“You must be Samuel.” She bends down, nodding at you and Frank, and smiling. “It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Dinah.”

He looks back to you, unsure, and the gesture is so small but it means so much to you. To have him look to you. You nod back, trying to look as encouraging as possible while still covered in blood.

“It’s okay. You know how I said before, there’s people that can make sure you never end up here again.” You stood up, and he did the same, following you close behind.

You lead him away from the scene, but he doesn’t seem phased, which only makes the pit in your stomach a little bigger. He must be used to it— to seeing things like this. It made this decision a little easier. If he was with you, this is all he would see, and even if the prospect of leaving him moments after you got him felt like a piece of yourself was being torn out, you knew you couldn’t stay with him.

“I’ll let you guys have a second. Then we have to get moving.” She looks at you, sympathy painted on her face as she heads back onto the front lawn, trying to shoo away the gathered neighbours. Stopping at the car, you bend down again, noticing Frank has given you your space, talking with Madani.

“You sure you aren’t hurt?” He shakes his head again, eyebrows nearly crossed.

“Don’t make me go with them. I…”

“You have no idea how much I want you to stay with me. I’ve been trying to get to you for 12 years— and I’ll visit as much as they let me.” You try to swallow the lump in your throat.

“As much as they let you? Where are you going?” He looks over your shoulder again, constantly analysing where he is, who’s around him.

“I’ve done… I’ve done some really bad things to find you, Sammy. I don’t regret it, not one second; but I have to own up to it now you’re safe.” You can feel the moment closing in on you, Frank and Agent Madani coming up behind you. “You’re gonna be okay, and I’ll be around, I just… god, you look just like him, you know.”

“Like who?” His voice was so small.

“Just like Dad.” He hugs you again, clinging onto your bloodied clothes. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“I don’t want you to go away again.” He cries into your shirt, and you do your best not to cry with him.

You needed him to go. You needed him to be safe, and to know he wasn’t in danger anymore— Bobby was still out there, and you couldn’t give him the security you know he needed. Whether you were locked up by the FBI or hunting down the rest of the gang on your own terms, you needed to know he was safe. And happy— seeing that kid smile made the last twelve years worth it. Agent Madani calls your name, and you look at her, still clinging to your brother.

“We need to get going. The rest of the Bureau is on its way, and they won’t wait before…” She looks down at Sam, and smiles kindly, choosing not to finish her sentence in front of him.

“Madani.” Frank says, his voice low.

“Castle.” He says something to her you can’t hear, and Sam finally lets you go.

“Alright. I have to go, now. You’re gonna go with some really nice people, and they’ll make sure you’re—“

“I don’t want to.” He says, a little more defiant. He wasn’t a baby anymore, and he sure as hell had good reason not to want to go with anyone, even you.

“I don’t want you to go either, but I have to sort this shit out and then I promise I’ll come see you.”

“Why? You haven’t done anything!” He turns to Agent Madani, having to look up pretty high to see her. “She was just trying to help me! It’s my fault— I promise she was just… they would have killed me. You want them to kill a kid? Huh?!” Christ, even though you haven’t seen him since he was a baby, he sounded more like you that you thought possible.

“We just need to talk to her for a while. Make sure everything is sorted out.” Madani says, trying to reason.

“Everything is fine. I’m fine right here.” He says, and you may have your mothers face, but he has every bit of her attitude. He moves away from her, holding you by one arm, and to your surprise, grabs Frank as well, who looks down at Sammy like he’s seen a ghost.

“We need to go. Now.” She says, losing her patience as she looks down at her phone.

“Okay.” You take Sams face in your hands, seeing his cheeks already smeared with blood. “Okay, I need you to do this for me. Just go with her, and I swear to God I will come back for you, but it isn’t safe for me either. We still have to find—“

“Bobby. I know. He told me he was coming for you.” Sam says. “You promise I’ll see you soon?”

“Promise.” You hug him, and he stands to the side, Frank looking down at you.

“You promise you’ll see me real soon?” He says, and you smile, laugh, then grab him and kiss him as hard as you can. You don’t care everyone’s watching, that everyone can see— you’ve spent too much time without the people you love, and you aren’t wasting a second of it now. And you do, love him, even though it makes you feel sick and scared and all too consumed— you love the shit out of him, and he kisses you right back. You let yourself think he’s telling you the same.

“I’m coming back for you. I promise.” You whisper, and Frank leans into you, his forehead pressing to yours. “Just like you said. I just need to know he’s okay.”

“He will be. I’ll—“

“Frank, he’s not your responsibility. I’d… I’d never ask you to do that.” Your eyes flutter open, watching as he looked at you with some kind of intensity you felt nearly naked under.

“I know.” You can’t help it, leaning in to kiss him again. “You say the word, and I’ll get you out of here right now.”

“It won’t be long. I…” You weren’t going to make a promise you couldn’t keep. In truth, you have no idea how long it would be. It could be hours, years… she could be planning to take you to Rikers and lock you away for good. Whatever happened, though, you’d come back. You knew that. “I’ll come.”

“You better, or I’ll have to come find you.” He says into your hair.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Shaking his head, he links his arms around your back and crushes you to him, all but devouring every one of your senses.

“I have to go.” The sirens of cop cars sound around the corner, and you pull away at the sound but he just pulls you back. “I have to.”

“I know.” You pull him back this time, allowing for one, two, three more seconds of pure, pure happiness.

“I have to go.” You open the care door, mouth still on his. Everything is coming to a point— things feel sharp and raw and you have a name for that thing your feeling right now, the thing that’s been eating at you for a longer time that it should of. You know what it is, and that it’s not the right time or place but he kisses you again and you can’t help it. “I have to go,I—I love you. I have to go.”

You drop into the seat of the cop car behind you and the door is closed by more agents who appear out of nowhere. Through the tinted window you can only just make out his face, how his mouth is open and he hasn’t moved an inch from where you left him, and you can’t see anything more as you are sped out of your childhood street, and straight to the headquarters of Homeland Security.

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“You should go, too.” Madani says, and Frank is still glued to the sidewalk like an idiot, watching you get hauled away in handcuffs. Like they’d do anything to hold you. “They might not kill you, but they’ll try.”

“What are you gonna do with him?” Frank nods over to where the kid— your brother, was sitting in the back of an ambulance. Madani blew out a breath.

“Social services, probably. He’s going to need a lot of help, and who knows what kind of shit he went through in there.”

“So you just ship him off?”

“Why are you trying to make me the bad guy here?” She turns to him, and Frank can’t take his eyes off the end of the road where you disappeared.

He thinks he could of blinked and missed it, that fucking word you said. He can’t even hear the sirens anymore, you were that far away. And he didn’t say it back. Said nothing at all— just fucking stood there and watched you go, staring down the street.

“If we don’t do this now, everything I’ve built— everything you’ve done for the past year goes to shit. If they find out I was working behind their backs and never brought her in, I get fired and the Gnucci’s lawyers get the case thrown out. Him and the rest of his family walk free. Are you willing to risk that? Especially now, with him out there?” She nods at the kid, but he’s still staring down the road. Madani looks too, and clearly puts it together. It probably didn’t help that he’d kissed you before you left. But what else was he gonna do? “I saw that, before. Since when were you and her…”

“You really goin’ there with me right now?” She put her hands up.

“Okay. I won’t ask.” He shakes his head, turning to face her. “He’s not going far. For now, we put him with a foster home. Keep him close as we can. I don’t want to seperate them.”

“Be a lot easier for them to be together if you let her go.” Madani sighs again, ignoring the buzzing of her phone.

“I told you both, I would do everything I can, but I’m not a miracle worker.” She goes to answer her phone and walk away, and something overtakes him. He can see the kid sitting there, alone, staring down the road like he was just seconds ago. “Some things need time. I need to put this all together, legally, or we’re all back where we started. The Gnucci’s have money— which means they have good lawyers. One slip up, and we lose everything, and I can’t control the fall out of that.” He knew what that meant— that you’d be the CIA’s next target, like you are now, and all this shit would of been for nothing. But he’d wait, if that’s what he had to do.

That little boy was gonna be waiting for you, too. The only family that kid had ever known just walked in and out in less than ten seconds. His face, all sad and tired, was tugging at strings Frank didn’t know he had left, and something about him, seeing a little bit of you in those big eyes… something in him just switches, and he’s grabbing Madani on the arm and saying something he’s probably going to regret.

“Let me take him.” Her face drops, and he thinks she laughs for a second before she realises he’s serious. He should laugh too. It was fucking ridiculous— a kid, a twelve year old, tagging along with him. Now, of all times.

“You?” Him. “You want me to hand over a vulnerable child to a known felon? A man who just racked up a higher body count that most of my agents have in years on the force, in less than twenty minutes?” He looks out at the yard, the bodies being carried away, then sees the kid out the corner of his eye, watching too, not flinching or even reacting. He felt…bad for him.

“Or take your chance in the foster system. You and I both know how well that can work out.” Madani looks at him then, the inference clearly enough to make her think for a second. “Come on. At least you’ll know I’ll be close to the city. You know I won’t be far.”

“Because you’re waiting for her.” She looks at him a final time, assessing him like she did when she first met him, interrogated him. He nodded once, and watched as she went over to Sam. His head snapped up when she started talking, and he looked him in the eyes, and it was then that Frank realised what he’d done.

His vision and his brain was foggy with the memory and though of you, and now this kid was looking at him and he was fucking terrified. He didn’t know why, really. Maybe it was the part of him that was still so attached to kids. Your brother wasn’t that much older than Frankie Jr. would of been by now. Probably would look a lot like him too. Head of hair that messy, it was making Franks stomach churn just to think about it.

He didn’t know why he’d said what he did to Madani, but he did know you, and maybe that was why he’d done it. He knew you’d feel safer if your brother was with him, the only person you trusted since getting out. He knew a lot of things about you, now he thought about it, and yeah— that was exactly why he’d said he’d look after him. He was important to you. And you... you were everything to him.

Sam hopped off the back of the ambulance, walking over to Frank slowly, his head tilted a little to the side, and Frank thinks he might be in over his head again.

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@castlesnchurches

@superbreadsoul

@lemon-world1

@officalpetergriffin

@batcreep

@quackson03

@violetsandroses8

@turningtoclown

@yourfriendhenrywinter

@peaky-shelby

@hollandorks

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cherienymphe · 9 months

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Long anecdote warning (sorry)

Girl I had my first fucking kiss last night (I’m 20 & still a virgin never had anyone interested in me before) and I’m fucking terrible at it. But holy fuck the things I felt but I’m a bit conflicted on the way it went down. I’m usually quite conserved about myself. I’m always nice to people, I don’t get majorly drunk when I’m with friends as I end up being the mom figure and looking after everyone else. Had never done drugs even though my friends constantly do it, and if it’s offered I’d say no.

So I went to a houseparty for my friend’s b-day and there was lots of guys there like 3-4 years older than me. I got there late and started drinking to catch up. There was one guy who my friend kept saying was nice. After a while, I got a bit in a state where I’m just observing everything. That guy asked me if I wanted a drink and he made me a Fireball & coke. I watched him make it and he put a shit ton of fireball in it - nothing else. Later on I downed 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey and I ended up a bit too drunk. I tried to sober myself up, so I went outside and I was out there on my own for a while. Then, he came out and sat down next to me asking if I’m okay and shit. We were talking and looking at the stars and then he asked me if I wanted a bump.

This is where I was so fucking stupid and immediately said okay. He told me that it was only a little bit and wouldn’t do much but it’d help to sober me up. I did it, it was a small amount and I didn’t even know if I actually did it or if he took the key away before I done it. Anyways after a bit he said “hey” and I looked at him and he was leaning in and I fucking kissed him and it was the most weird thing in my life. Idk if I was just terrible at it or if he was bad but it’s nothing like when I used to practice on my hand at all LMAO. I couldn’t tell if I was supposed to use my tongue and I kept feeling my own teeth on his lips. I started laughing and he was like “what?” and I kept saying sorry about how shit I am at it and about how I’m too “teethy”. He stopped and after a while he was like “wanna try again” so I went in, and it was still shit but omg. He put his hand on my thigh and his other hand was like caressing the side of my face and after being touch starved all of my life - it felt so so good. I ended up stopping again because I thought I was really shit at it (Idk why I stopped tbh) and we ended up going inside and he added me on social media but I haven’t accepted his friend request yet.

Now I’m kind of regretting it but literally I could not sleep last night because I kept thinking about his hand on my thigh and him rubbing my back and shit. I’m in two minds about it because 1. i really liked being touched and i’m glad i got my first kiss out of the way, but 2. he’s not that good looking, and in all honesty, the way he was offering bumps when he was told by my friend that I don’t do drugs, and filled my glass up with a lot of whiskey when I was already clearly drunk. But I can’t blame him as he was drunk too yk, at least I think so, and that’s what he kept telling himself. So yeah. I keep getting flashbacks and part of me is like “wow” and the other part is like “I hate myself so much, you slag, why’d you do that that’s weird” even though it literally is not. But the concept is so foreign to me because I’ve never had anyone interested in me before. So yeah.

Shame you thought he was ugly 😭 at least he was nice about it and understanding when you said you felt like you were bad at it. As for the other stuff, from my perspective, I don't think he was being sleazy or at least not intentionally. I've had men just flat out try to hand me drinks and whatnot without even asking. He asked if you wanted one and like you said, he was drunk too. As for the coke thing, prepare yourself but he was probably trying to sober you up. I don't do drugs but I've had plenty of people tell me coke is good for a hangover or if you need to sober up quick 😭

I'm sorry it was weird for you! I feel like it would've been better for you if a) you were 100% sober and b) you were genuinely into the guy. Worst case scenario you can pretend that one doesn't count and get a do over

#asks

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sneverussape · 1 year

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all right, i'll bite :) for the 4am asks: 12, 14, 39, 87, 100. <3

answering this while a storm rages outside and i’ve yet to have my morning coffee — so this will be…idk unflinchingly honest prob.

12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

when i was growing up, my parents always reminded us that, had they done something different during their past (dated another person, went to another university, etc), they would not have married each other and we would not have been born. hearing that so constantly as a kid made me have an awareness of What Could Have Been, even though what my parents were aiming for was prob a weird sense of “wow thank god you guys got married” which my brothers and i never gave them lol. i always imagine the scenarios of my parents never getting married to each other and living different lives, but also what would have happened had other decisions been made.

that sense of loss is constant when i think about these things too much - what if we had stayed in x country, what if i had gone to x school for university, what if i had said yes to this certain offer, etc. all of them would have led to a very different life than what i have now. for one thing i’d probably not have the job i have now (a field and institution i never in a million years would have thought i’d be in as a kid), and i’d probably be living elsewhere (likely the US). even staying together with a former partner would have led to a different outcome - i’d probably have kids, live in california, and have a different career/life trajectory. i’m not unhappy with the state of my life rn though, and i think this is the scenario i’d have chosen anyway had i been given the option. the grief maybe comes from the loss of deeper relationships i could have had. i miss the people i’ve had to say goodbye to and are no longer in touch with for one reason or another. i like to imagine that in other universes these other scenarios exist and we’re still having the time of our lives.

14. Would you want to be reincarnated?

no. :)) i want the end to be the end, yknow? whether there’s Beyond or Nothing i want it to be that already. no more repeats, i’m tiredt.

39. Do you know what you want out of life?

whenever people ask me this question, it always reminds me of that scene in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape when gilbert gets asked what he wants for himself, and gilbert says “i want to be a good person”. i watched this as a kid and it really stuck with me. it seems like such a simple thing to be but it’s not. i can’t control most things; i can only really control myself. what i want out of life is just me putting some good out to the world as much as possible, and making conscious decisions that would help rather than harm, even if it’s just for a single person. yesterday my friend was having a hard time but couldn’t leave the house because she had to meet a deadline. i bought her a boba tea and had it delivered to her house as a snack. it was expensive and honestly something she could have done herself but i figured it’d be a nice gesture and one thing to make her day less shitty. i want a kinder world. i try to put out what i want the universe to give back in spades to others. idk that’s all anyone probably really wants at the core of it all, right?

87. Do you anger easily?

yes. my mom has really bad anger issues (likely due to her own childhood as a military brat and being 7 out of 9 kids) and it’s a response i learned to emulate from a fairly young age. i learned to get better control of it as i went through school, copying how my peers and older mentors acted. i think i was always very self-aware, although i don’t know how i was trained to be that way, and i knew anger wasn’t the right response. i’d be seething internally but act controlled on the outside, because i knew that was how to get what i wanted/needed. i’ve mastered it at this point except when it comes to certain people who really trigger a specific response, like my brothers. mannn, the fights we get into. 🙃 i’m slow to outward anger (inside, im always angry with one thing or another lol) with colleagues and friends but when it gets to boiling point, i can be pretty vicious with words. this is also why i prefer keeping it under control because i don’t like the feeling of regret that comes when you say something you didn’t really mean, or something you did mean but know you shouldn’t have said out loud. this is also the reason my sister said she could never be friends with me if we weren’t siblings since i’m far more ruthless than what she can stand. i know that! i accept it. 🥲 i’m working on it.

100. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

hmm. idk really. even my belief of god gets challenged from time to time. probably the one thing i strive to keep believing in despite parts of me also accepting its impossibility, is how people aren’t really gone after death and there’s still a chance to see each other again someday. it’s a necessary coping mechanism for me, and though i equally accept that it can be untrue, i’d rather believe it is. i’d miss people too much if i didn’t, and i don’t think i can bear losing them so permanently. the heartache is too much.

anyway thank you @greens-your-color for the asks! sorry if it got morose. it’s the lack of coffee. 😪

have a good weekend!

#ask game

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alex-rambles · 10 months

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Possible tw.

Honestly I think they use that tag to convince themselves that they aren’t supporting unhealthy and wrong things and yet their posts prove otherwise. It reminds me of ppl who are like “I’m not racist. Buuuuut..”

Also ik I’ve never seen you before but I can assure you that there’s nothing wrong with your body. Yea social media and other people might try to convince you that there is but honestly more than likely they’re just doing that because they’re insecure with their own bodies. And besides, no one is perfect. Even the most beautiful person is insecure of certain parts of their body too. Even William lololol. And since you’re young, its normal to feel this way but trust me, whenever you get older and you look back at pictures when you were the age you are now you’re going to be like “wtf?? What was I so insecure about? I literally don’t look as bad as I thought.” And I know its difficult with your dysphoria and other people but you‘ll get through this. And all the fighting and efforts will all be worth it in the end. You just need to know that you’re worthy of love regardless of how you view your body and that you do matter along with your wants and needs. And idk if you’re planning to have gender reassignment surgery in the future but if you are, ik you'll get there even if your family and others aren’t supportive of it. It’s your life afterall. You get to decide what to do with it and if that makes others unhappy, so be it. Alr I kinda sound like a boomer but yea you’ll get through this even if you don’t think you have it in you to continue. Just believe in yourself and know that you do matter regardless of what others may say.

Wow. Thank you for this post, seriously. I am really hoping that this is just a sleep deprivation thing because I've been sleeping worse and the bad thoughts tend to get worse when I don't sleep. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like it this time, as usually those just involve me looking at m3ansp0 boredly.

I actually needed this a lot, and you mentioning my beloved PIECE OF SHIT made me appreciate it more. I'll read this when I get a good night's sleep (hopefully tonight) and use it as my little positivity reminder.

Seriously you are a blessing anon I love you.

#tw anorexia #tw ana #tw ed

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waglifeornolife · 3 months

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Jess omg I was chilling reading a book innit and I wasn’t really processing it was more of just looking at the words and I was just remembering primary school life (time ago innit) and I remembered this one friend I had called Fatma and honestly she was so so wise. Here are some examples that I remember off the top of my head:

1) one time I was complaining about getting up for fajr(morning prayer in islam) and I was like going going on about how tired I was every mornings because of it and she turned around and told me “you would get up if there was a real fire in your house even if you were exhausted right? So why does it bother you to wake up in the morning so you escape hell fire?” And honestly that has stuck with me like how was she so good with words at 10 years of age?

2) one time our friend Connor saw something really bad and like they enjoyed watching it(maybe it was like corn or something idk) and she turned to him and went “Connor no stop that because my mummy always tells me watch what you watch because that can change how you think, when you change how you think you’ll change how you speak, change how you speak and you’ll start acting how you speak, you act like that all the time and it will become a habit, habits become your norm and lifestyle and your lifestyle is usually what people judge you on. So it’s good to change for the better not the worse”

3)we were at the beach on a residential in year 6 in Marseille and her older brother got stabbed like 3months and died during his recovery prior and she was somehow still like okay but I wasn’t really sure if she was so I was asking her if she was alright and she just replied “no I’m okay I do miss him all the time and I wish he was still here but the only thing guaranteed in life is death and he was a good person so I’m sure he’s in paradise and if I’m even half as good as he was I’ll get to see him again whenever I die. Death isn’t negative because we won’t always want to live. I hope we do live lives full of purpose even if they’re short because living life without doing anything is just for waiting for death”

We don’t really talk much now because we ended up going to different secondary schools and also have different interests and hobbies but she’s still a really nice person and we wish eachother happy birthday and she also got accepted into the brits school stage technician and design (I’m so proud of her omg) and I can’t wait to see how that turns out for honestly she always been into stuff like she’d always be the person to take charge during school plays even though the school would already be doing most of the stuff and she’s been through it honestly all with a smile plastered on her face I wish nothing but the best for.

But it still baffs me how smart she was at 8-11 honestly. I mean she’s smart now as well but wow shes just amazing :)

wow that was a lot of information 😂😂

the thing you said about death really struck me in the heart because it’s so true. it is genuinely the only thing that is guaranteed in life 🥲

also, congratulations to the girl, the Brit School is great from what i’ve heard. i’ve had a few friends who went there back when we were in secondary school, i also did a production for a theatre company there so i already know that she’s going to love it! 🫶🏼

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rainbowskittle · 4 months

Text

Tw homophobia but not really just some hate.. she does accept and love lgbtq+.. she just older so still figuring out how top surgery is.

Just ignore sorry this me rambling to myself .. like tumblr is always a journal.

Sigh my mom said maybe just get a sports bra you like. Not all insurance will cover the surgery. And here in California it’ll be higher price cuz more people want it here. But since I don’t drive I’ll need a driver (and haven’t made friends here and it’s been year. Made few but they way older and idk it’s hard making friends.) She said too look at all the old lesbian they kept theirs and just wore sport bras. Like sure some did and then I added in my groups I’ve seen older people do the surgey and she said maybe so.

Like before she said chest or no chest she will love me but this talk today hurt. Just sucks I know it’s crazy expensive.. finding doctor .. finding way how I want them gone (and still have the nip.. don’t want to say it if tumblr takes this down.) .. just don’t know how to start .. especially cuz I don’t drive and she’s busy with her two jobs and I can’t even get one. Okay I pet sit but it’s not enough to cover it. Even her 2 jobs don’t cover our rent and I need job to help with that. + this surgery I want (top surgery).. and want to travel. But life sucks. It’s so expensive and won’t stop. Can’t even afford like Betterhelp so again here I ramble on tumblr sorry.

Andd on top of that watching the old YouTubers I use to watch (transgender guys) making me think all over again am I them? Cuz everything they say I relate . But I still think I am nonbinary too I think cuz I don’t want to be a guy but maybe I do cuz idk life is confusing.

And don’t get me started on being single. I know I know! The quotes are ‘wait and they will come when you least expect it.’ ‘You aren’t behind you are at the right time.’ ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ .. etc I know I’ve heard them all. But I just hate it. I just want the one person to travel with, share music with, love them, and do stuff with. The built in best friend / lover combo you know? But more and more I feel like it won’t happen for me. I’ve been around the sun 25 times .. 26 when June rolls around this year.. but just feels like it won’t happen. I suck at talking to new people.. and then on apps I try but then just get ghost. I know I’m still young I’ve heard that too. But it just feels like life is a loop ooh groundhog day is better term.. and nothing changes. I try I do but nothing happens.

Anyway sorry again for ramble this is just

post.. so if you wanted fandoms, music, books, quotes, or pretty sky photos (and other stuff I find to reblog) this is what I usually post. On occasion rambles/rants so sorry. Ignore and if you read this far .. wow I’m super sorry! It’s not exciting. Here have some …. 👇👇👇

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pazzarovisky · 8 months

Text

Hey, everyone… Wow, it’s been ages since the last time I actually posted something on here. I’m feeling nostalgic and happy tbh.

The only purpose of this post is to say: thank you!

And to also say that I won’t be writing anymore or continue any of my past works (I think it was kinda obvious ahhaha)

I’ve never meant to leave people waiting and waiting for updates on my stories, but it was inevitable…

I lot have happened to me during this absence, some amazing things and some really soul breaking things

Friends, Lovers or Nothing wasn’t my first work, before that I used to write one story called: Dreams Come True with a totally different plot.

Tbh not even FLN was going to have that plot, I had nothing planned when I was writing it. Things simply came to me. That’s how I understood how writers feel when they say: idk what’s going to happen with the characters. IT IS SO REAL! You know you came up with there back stories, their personality, their friends and everything, but never their future because even if you have it planned, it could change. Isn’t that crazy?

I used to love writing, not that I don’t like it anymore, it’s just that when you get older and writing is not your main career, things just fades, sadly. Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot about this I used to love, and sometimes I want to stop and write. But if one day I will do it, it will not be with these stories you read.

When I was writing FLN I was really immature in so many parts of my life, I didn’t understand a lot of things when it comes to TOXIC ahahh! But after going through some dark shit in life, I got it. Not that I’m not proud of that work, I can assure you, Thay from those years is full of joy how her work got people moved. But 28yrs Thay, she’s not happy, well I’M not happy. If I would rewrite of that story, it would be with a different plot, with different view and not so suffocating and miss communications. But things happens in the way they suppose to.

Same goes to all of my works that I wrote previously today!

But I’d like to say that I was SO DAMN HAPPY to reread all of you comments and love and support. It made me cry, it made me miss how naive I was! But I cured myself, I evolved, I matured, I aged… it’s so weird to say those things.

That’s why I’m deleting all of my works, but saving all of it in my heart (and in my cloud hahah). I didn’t reread it, you know?! Cause I don’t want the magic to end, I don’t want to miss this proud.

With no more further due… thank you once more. Now I’m starting i new fase in my life where I’ll be more exposed to the world. Definitely you guys will hear about me, even though not knowing me.

Love you and see you around 🧡

#bts #bts reactions #bts fanfic #lovers #love yourself her #love yourself

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 9 months

Note

hey!! this might be really long and if so i'm sorry for that, just trying to figure some stuff out.

okay basically, i'm a cis female and idk what my sexuality is. i've never been in a relationship, never had strong feelings for anyone, i've kissed three boys all in club settings, and i am so confused.

i think women are pretty?? and i love looking at them in a respectful, 'you're so gorgeous way', and men are good looking in a very different way to me but i still think i'm attracted to them

i'd like to kiss a girl but i can't ever see myself being in a relationship with one. and i don't know if that is some sort of internalised homophobia that i need to address or if it's just lack of experience, bc i don't think i can see myself with a guy. or maybe a can because it's what i see all around me???

and then the idea of being approached by a women in a sexual/romantic way scares me. is that just lack of experience??

and then i've had multiple people say to me 'are you sure you aren't gay?' and other things along those lines in a non-serious way, and if i am queer, i feel like i'm proving them right, and how did i not see or realise this sooner?? like i should've known right?? if everyone else did??

and a lot of my friends are queer and i feel really safe and accepted with them, so i don't know if i just want to be apart of that and am simply creating issues that aren't even there to begin with??

but then i've dreamt about being with women and straight women don't have them?? right?

then i tell myself i don't have to know right now, but it seems like everyone else but me knows. i'm 20 yrs old and i have NO idea about anything, and maybe that's okay? plus sexuality is fluid? and always changing so maybe i'll never know?

this was very messy and i'm sorry for that, but if you have any advice or thoughts, i'd be so grateful, i'm so overwhelmed right now. - a <3

Hi hi hi A!! Don’t worry about it long rambly asks are totally fine I’m here for u homie

Wow bro ur getting some action 😭 😭 can we switch places lmao

Oh wow you’re 20?? Okay disclaimer, I am a teenager haha so take everything I say with a pinch of salt bc I explored this whole sexuality thing when I was like 13, so we’ve had v different experiences but I’ll try my best to help u out bro I gotchu

What do you mean by “in a different way?” That can mean two things. Do you find women pretty objectively and men like ATTRACTIVE, or are you attracted to both men and women in different ways?

The whole being scared thing is, as my generation would say, a Big Mood. It could be either internalised homophobia or lack of experience or maybe you just don’t like women at all.

In terms of dreaming about being with women, that could mean anything or nothing. Dreams are just your subconscious putting everything in a blender and pouring the smoothie of hell into your sleep brain. It could mean you want to be with women or it could mean that shit in ur skull is just fucking around.

Honey you do NOT have to know right know. You’re twenty. That’s like. You’ve lived like 25% of your life, approximately. That’s jack shit. That’s not even the pass mark on most tests. You have got SO MUCH of your life left to live, you’ve got like decades and shit man, you don’t gotta have everything down right now. Talk to like ur parents or older friends and see *how much* life you have ahead of you.

It’s possible that this may also be contributing to that whole young adult early 20s “oh my god everyone else knows everything and i’m floundering” but honey trust me EVERYONE is floundering. Everyone is fucked. People seem put together but trust me dude we are all goddamn messes. You’re not alone. So many people are trying to figure themselves out, just like you.

Imma be fr thinking about this shit? Overrated. You’ll just think urself into another spiral and it’ll be the mental equivalent of doing like 19 buzzfeed quizzes titled “Am I Gay?” at 3:41am and wondering where ur life is going.

Just. Stop thinking. I know it’s hard trust me I have shitass anxiety and it’s so so hard to stop thinking but stop. Tell ur brain to stfu

And then just think of one thing. what makes you HAPPY?

Because that’s all that matters in the long run, doesn’t it?

Kiss a girl and see if it makes you happy. Kiss a guy and ask yourself the same thing.

If I were you, what I would personally do is just uhhh fuck around and find out? Go to a bunch of clubs and just be really slutty til things eventually make sense lmaoo

But once again that’s not for everyone so maybe just try and think about it. Does the idea of being with a girl make you happy? With a guy? Being single?

Also one idea might be for you to explore the aromantic label—you said you’ve never had strong feelings for anyone and it sounds like you might be aro. Look under my #aro questioning tag and check out these posts:

Remember, A, there’s no time limits on these things. There’s no deadlines. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, so take it slow and just be HAPPY and be true to yourself. Bend society to fit you—don’t bend yourself to fit labels, yknow what Im saying? Labels aren’t all that important at the end of the day. Just. Just *be.*

I hope I could help you out A!! Sending so so much love <3333 If you ever wanna talk again feel free to drop me an ask!! Have an awesome day <33

#ask #a #helping out a questioning person

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punkscowardschampions · 10 months

Text

Marly & Ronali & Cali

Moses: [Private at Carly, some time on this weekend after the party, not too important when]

Moses: Where is everyone???

Carly: ro’s here idk where the rest of yous r

Moses: Is he now

Moses: Ali not with yous?

Carly: no shes busy

Moses: You’re after leaving her out, is it

Carly: boy can u not read?

Moses: Do you not think you’re blatant, girl

Moses: If that’s not the point then Jesus, like

Carly: shes things of her own to be doing

Carly: keeping herself from how blatant you are included like

Moses: Right

Moses: I don’t know how you aren’t embarrassed, fair cop to you

Carly: what for now?

Moses: Keeping Ro warm for her, right after me, again

Carly: u know ive no shame said it enough times yourself

Moses: It was cute for about a week, sure

Carly: sure theres my record

Moses: Don’t go crying now

Moses: you knew what you were getting yourself in for

Carly: im not crying now

Carly: hes cheered me up

Moses: He would, eejit that he is

Moses: tell him he’s to come on a job now, [one of your older brothers/cousins, whatever,] needs help shifting some things

Carly: k

Moses: he’s not a little boy now, he hasn’t the time to be messing about with you or my other leftovers

Carly: he says he’ll be there when hes done w his plate 💙

Moses: He’ll come now unless he wants dragging out

Carly: good as how fast that lad eats don’t worry yourself

Moses: Don’t try telling me how to feel about my family

Carly: youre to try treating him as a proper brother today, is it?

Moses: You have no family, never mind a respectable one… what would you know, darling

Carly: I know I’m not your darling

Carly: & how you behave to peoples not respectable

Moses: Oh, and how you behave is, that’s rich

Carly: not me telling nobody it is, only u playing the big family man

Moses: Sure that makes how much of a little bitch you are alright then

Carly: its w me & w ro yea

Carly: what uve got to thinking dont matter none

Moses: Because you’ve not seen him fall in line when he’s told

Moses: be the only reason he fucked you in the first place, ‘cos I told him to

Carly: I was there I don’t need no telling why

Moses: You need telling, who the fuck do you think you are to talk to me like this?

Carly: what are you to do about it then?

Moses: I wouldn’t push me, girl

Carly: go on & threaten me when ive said ali’s not about

Carly: but she’ll never go near u if you hurt me so think on what youre after more

Moses: I don’t need to hurt you to make your life hell

Moses: and I know you like it too much to bother touching you

Carly: 🎃👻👿💀’s over & done w

Moses: Ah, babe, let’s not act like you’re funny

Carly: why not when wes to act like youre scary

Carly: you had your chance to b ⚓🧭🏴‍☠️🦜🌴🥥☠️

Moses: I’m not after protecting you from none of it no more, be ready

Carly: you never protected me in the 1st place

Moses: Shows how thick you are

Carly: if u say so

Moses: Leper suits

Carly: 😅 this your way of saying im to get myself tested for something youve given me?

Moses: your dirt, your problem

Carly: wow

Moses: You should invest in a share in durex, if this is what you wanna live like

Carly: I could give it out the same back to you but hey its your life

Moses: Why would I get myself sorted for any girl like you

Carly: for yourself not for me

Carly: youre so 😤😠😡🤬 do you no wanna be happy?

Moses: Do you reckon you made me happy?

Moses: I am, as it goes

Carly: I know I never

Moses: I knew you’d turn into a nightmare

Carly: u called me 1 from the off

Moses: ‘cos girls like you who pretend they’re not are always the worst

Carly: Im sorry you reckon I pretended something

Moses: You’ll be sorrier, no skin off my nose

Moses: Ro will probably resent you though

Carly: me & ro is me & ro, nothing to do w u

Moses: n’awh, you wish

Carly: yea course I wish youd quit acting up how you are 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠

Moses: Who’s acting?

Carly: I just mean stop, can’t you?

Moses: For what, what have you done for me lately?

Carly: I’m doing no more for u

Moses: Then nah, I’m just getting started

Carly: why?

Moses: fun, of course

Carly: have your fun idc

Moses: sure you don’t, Carly

Carly: I dont long as you leave the others out of it

Moses: Ha

Carly: whats gas about that?

Moses: That you think you can have a say

Carly: youre only 😤😠😡🤬 @ me nobody else

Moses: I’m not mad at anyone? You’re just a waste of time

Carly: well then im the only 1 you 💭’s a waste of time

Moses: You can’t tell me what to do, they’re my family

Carly: ah sure fucking behave like they are

Carly: u dont care for nobody but yourself

Moses: 😤😠😡🤬 psycho, you

Carly: am I now?

Moses: There are people that will give you a slap for how you’re carrying on

Carly: how am I carrying on? we’re talking w out me going on to put your dick in my gob, yea? is that how u mean?

Moses: so here’s the hysterics 🙄

Carly: nah, im asking serious, what am i here up to thats wrong of me?

Moses: You’re calling me a bad brother, like you have a clue how to be there for anyone, like you didn’t fuck your supposed friend over on his birthday, then offer me up your other one so I didn’t hurt you?

Moses: Get a grip

Carly: you are a bad brother, you gave me to him & made him feel like a massive eejit on his bday cos u had to tell everyone all his business & put it about

Carly: youre trying now to get him & your cousins onto making life hell for me, whatever thats to involve

Moses: You’re not meant to be a thing that can be passed around but you are so what did I do wrong, exactly?

Carly: we couldve kept it between us & not made him feel shite about anything

Moses: He feels shite because you were a disappointment, sorry, girl

Carly: maybe i was but thats not all of it

Moses: It were his first time and he wishes he’d waited, that’s the truth of it

Moses: but blame me, yeah

Carly: I know what the truth of it is, hes my friend

Carly: whenve u last talked to him?

Moses: Some friend you are, love

Moses: You knew he didn’t want to

Carly: I didnt force him to but you forced him to yours by keeping on @ him in the group chat for the rest to see, theres the difference

Moses: Sure you didn’t

Moses: ‘cept by that logic your step comes after mine so you’re not exactly innocent, he’d already been forced

Carly: we couldve sat there for however long & he couldve said whatever he wanted happened, he knows that

Moses: He knows what he’s to do, what’s expected of him

Carly: I dont expect nothing, you do, how are you gonna keep up your blaming of me?

Moses: If you weren’t there making yourself available for everyone’s use, he’d have had no one to do it with

Moses: or did I force you to be that much of a whore?

Carly: hes not once called me 1 ever

Moses: to your face

Moses: that’s what you are to us, girls like you, though, don’t bother believing you’re friends, it’s not the truth

Carly: in truth hes not a lad like you & thats got u bothered

Moses: I know my brother

Carly: me too i know yous all

Moses: Christ alive, it’s like talking to a plank of wood

Carly: 😅 we can stop, how am I forcing u either?

Moses: I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as thick as you

Moses: you’ll actually benefit from all that extra schooling

Carly: gorja girl perks

Moses: Yeah, you’re very lucky

Carly: 🍀🐇🌠🎲

Ali: [Alright, so it is Monday and instead of school, cali have been catching up on all their boy drama/going up the mountains/getting high/just generally vibing all day, so clearly it’s around the time y’all are off of work to be here when we’re getting on our bike to go]

Ronan: [gonna say he waves when he sees her leaving Carly’s because they are neighbours, like his caravan is nearest her mum’s, but then like she has a tiny bike drama she could so easily fix herself like a twisted chain or something idk it doesn’t really matter, the point is he bimbles over to help and that gets them in close proximity]

Ali: [starting to do the I’ve got this/you don’t have to sounds, waving him off but he’s there by the time you’ve had chance to start so converting it into a ‘thanks’ with an awkward smile that we’ll pretend is just oh what am I like at this irrelevant bike drama]

Ronan: [a shrug as he’s taking over and fixing something she could easily do, me like if Johnny sees this he’s gonna be fuming lol, but anyway then doing the thing of like I need a drink after all that, join me, all non verbally in gestures and looks and vibes because he thinks Carly will have told her what’s happened and she’ll feel some type of way about it and they already left things awkwardly so]

Ali: [can also start the jali with you seeing this girl here tryna leave like excuse me lmao but right now we’re smirking and shaking our head at this boy’s amdram here ‘anyone would think you’d never done a day’s work’ like lol okay princess, but of course, we’re following you and accepting because clearly, this latest development did not come up between cali]

Ronan: [when Carly didn’t say a word however high she got to protect you sir and you’re about to out yourself, oops ‘what it is, is, I just have’ with that same kinda awkward oh what am I like smile as he wipes his sweaty brow OTT dramatically like lol and leads her to sit outside his caravan or wherever and gets them both a drink whether that’s alcoholic or non]

Ali: [doing a laugh ‘me and my bike are honoured’ like thank you so much for doing the extra shift just for me ‘some of us have to’ as we’re getting comfortable sat down here because the energy is I have not been working at all, obviously, sipping this drink in an OTT smug way about it]

Ronan: [‘as you should be’ joining in with her laugh and sitting down next to her though he doesn’t look comfortable he looks like he needs to have a chat and is feeling v awkward, taking the kind of swig of his drink that reflects that, after an agonising beat ‘she’ll have told you…’ no hun she did not]

Ali: [about to say something along the lines of can we just drop this, in the nicest way though, because we think this is just about the awkwardness over text and we don’t think we need to do all this about that but then he throws that out so you literally blink like what? ‘She’ll have told me what?’]

Ronan: [doing the kind of noise you do when you think somebody knows already but they’re just trying to make you say it, taking another drink as he scratches the back of his neck how boys do when they feel awks and wanna die ‘about what happened’ again, no she did not, shhhh]

Ali: [‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ making it as clear as you can, like trust me, I’m not lying here, raising your hands with that energy ‘are YOU gonna tell me or…?’ shrugging like fine, NO ONE tell me, kind of annoyed]

Ronan: [‘Right no, I should’ve reckoned on her not saying’ lowkey talking to himself, either peeling the label of this bottle or pulling the ring pull off the can and messing with it, whichever kind of vessel we’re drinking from ‘ah well, I don’t wanna now’ as if we can now backtrack and downplay this and make it jokey again but you simply can’t when you came in serious]

Ali: [just staring at him for a hot sec like really, is this what we’re doing? ‘By all means, have your little secrets’ putting your drink down like if that’s all, I’m leaving because why the fuck did you stop me just to let me know that Carly didn’t tell me something that’s clearly important]

Ronan: [‘Ali, come on’ in that you don’t have to go kind of tone and manner when I’m on her side here that she very much is within her rights to, boy, you’re handling this shockingly]

Ali: [raising your brows and looking at him like what, what do you want? ‘What do you want to say, Ronan?’ because truly, now we’re just mad and we were fine before]

Ronan: [‘If she’s not brought it up to you, I’m not here looking to make it into something, I only thought, had she, I needed to check again we’re alright for it’ way to say a whole load of absolutely nothing there, wow]

Ali: [folding your arms whilst he’s talking like let me get comfortable but show you how unimpressed I am by everything you’re not saying right now ‘She doesn’t tell me anything, clearly, makes two of you’]

Ronan: [‘maybe she thought she was not to, same as before’ with a shrug not like this is casual but like him and Carly haven’t talked about it cos they clearly have not whenever it occurred, not like he dramatically ran away after or anything but I imagine he/they fell asleep and then the next day carried on hanging out like nothing had happened/had a full irish with her mum etc etc and then he left kind of vibes ‘not that it were… same as before, I mean’ oh the awks]

Ali: [‘are you telling me you’re with Carly now?’ blinking at him again because the way this information is coming to you feels so random when you’ve just spent all day with her and now this boy is here barely saying anything, clearly for some kind of reason]

Ronan: [dramatically choking on the mouthful of drink he had just taken because horrified at the implication him and Carly are more than friends/fwb clearly, soz girl, all these boys are so shady to you ‘god, no’ when he can speak ‘I’m not saying that, like’]

Ali: [stepping back like you’re about to get sprayed in this liquid but as it is more of a side step, still thumping him on the back like get it all out ‘but you got with her again’ because at this point, that much is apparent]

Ronan: [‘it never went as far, but yeah, we… things happened’ going SO red and not because he just nearly choked to death, just pure embarrassed to be talking about this even in the vaguest of details]

Ali: [nodding like okay, I understand, trying to put him out of his misery about it like you don’t also feel awkward yourself ‘what happened to just being mates?’ as a genuine question]

Ronan: [chancing taking another drink in the cautious way you gotta after choking cos you don’t wanna again or cough but your throat hurts so you feel like you need to ‘we are just mates’ scratching his head like how to verbalise this ‘only, she was being such a good mate to me, one thing lead to another’]

Ali: [picking up your drink again so when you roll your eyes you’re at least half facing away from him so it’s not a full-on attack lol, taking your own swig so you don’t say anything really rude either ‘good for you, like?’ leaning like what do you expect me to say to this, boy]

Ronan: [‘we’re mates, yeah? And we…’ trailing off cos there’s no need to elaborate on what happened that day in her attic when she was there ‘you know, there don’t need to be no aggro, or whatever the word is, about it’ I love that we’re making this comparison when you aren’t just friends with Alison sir, at least you don’t want to be]

Ali: [‘I have a boyfriend, so you and Carly can do what you like, doesn’t affect me’ bold move but we’re not happy you just told us not to get aggy basically, like me, I do not care AT ALL, mhmm]

Ronan: [‘You what?’ no notes, just PURE shock, shooketh to his core in fact, and that’s evident on his face and how he said that]

Ali: [Ahh the insta-regret when you say something you know is gonna pack a punch just because you’re feeling hurt, you can’t take it back now though ‘I mean, I can’t join in being special friends now so it’s totally fine that you left me out anyway’]

Ronan: [the way he completely and utterly sweeps everything she said then aside in his absolute shock and hurt ‘From when?’ because you can’t fathom her having a boyfriend and you not knowing ‘You’ve had a boyfriend from when?’]

Ali: [‘when I left here, the other night’ because as far as you’re concerned that’s not a lie, it’s more of a lie to use the b-word when I don’t think y’all ever have but you know, it’s exclusive ‘I haven’t had time to say anything before you came over and ambushed me with… this’ gesturing like WTF is this]

Ronan: [‘We talked when you’d left’ because y’all did and as far as he is concerned you could’ve told him then, again no notes, absolutely shocked and devastated here like wtf himself]

Ali: [‘I wasn’t after changing my Facebook and making an announcement’ rubbing your temples because now we’re both going through it and this was not the way to handle this ‘I’m sorry, I could’ve said then’ conceding the point, in a quieter voice]

Ronan: [a nod because he was gonna do the whole you could’ve told ME but then she said it herself, finishing the rest of his drink dramatically because can’t be overstated how shook and gutted this boy is on this day ‘does Carls know?’ said like you feel like you already know the answer that yes she do and he’s just wondering if she knew when they were getting up to their antics]

Ali: [doing your own massive swallow but without any drink, probably having dropped yours on the ground by now, just nodding because yeah, she does, we’re not lying about that of all things at this point ‘do you still want to be friends?’ taking a slightly defensive edge in an otherwise apologetic tone because you still stayed friends with them after this debacle]

Ronan: [when she confirms that Carly does indeed know ‘fuck’s sake’ and throwing his empty bottle or can into the grass ‘who needs friends like either of yous?’ rude but you’re hurt, we get it, literally doing a diva strop inside and away from her]

Ali: [‘all good when you’re getting what you want though’ as he’s huffing off, so you aren’t fully yelling it across this site but loud enough that he’s hearing despite going in the caravan, pushing your bike into the grass even though that’s illogical and storming off yourself without it]

Ronan: [that went well lol, if you wanna cali at me btw in regards to that bombshell feel free]

Ali: [oh lord, alright, just carry on the peak drama of it all]

Ali: [private at Carly then because we don’t need to bring in anyone else lol]

Ali: You had all day to warn me, to not let that happen, thanks a lot

Carly: I’m sorry?

Carly: whats happened?

Ali: You and Ronan happened, again, or had you forgotten?

Carly: oh that

Carly: he never said nothing to me about it I didnt think he would to you

Ali: Well, he did

Ali: he assumed you’d tell me, as we’re meant to be friends

Carly: why are u 😤😠 @ me?

Carly: i didnt tell you about me & him before cos its how he was after me behaving, I reckoned on this being the same

Ali: No, it’s not the same because everyone knew that happened, you had nothing you could hide

Carly: yea cos of moses & it hurt ro

Ali: We’re not talking about Moses

Carly: idk maybe I shouldve said but we’d not even talked about it I had no clue what I was allowed to say

Ali: For God’s sake

Ali: well I’ve just had to discuss it

Carly: I’m sorry if id reckoned hed do that I’d have told u 1st

Ali: it’s too late now, so forget it

Carly: no please

Carly: I’m sorry

Ali: I had to tell him I have a boyfriend

Carly: well fuck

Carly: k I’m really really really really really sorry

Ali: Why would you not tell me? As if I would tell anyone

Carly: I didn’t know what to do

Carly: we was friends again & the whole time I had how that other dope boy said friends don’t fuck in my head

Carly: I could see how i might be ruining it again but i didnt quit acting up, I couldn’t

Ali: Maybe he’s got a point

Carly: & Moses does

Carly: theres something wrong w me

Ali: I can’t do this with you right now, I can’t

Carly: k

Ali: [Private at Ronan, either later that evening or the next AM, given some time, is the point, but haven’t left it either]

Ali: If you actually want to talk about any of it, might be easier on here

Ronan: I don’t know what’s to be said

Ronan: do you want to talk?

Ali: I just thought, that conversation probably didn’t go how either of us intended, so

Ali: if you want, yeah

Ronan: It didn’t go grand, no

Ronan: not my best craic chucking things ‘round the place

Ali: Not as if you aimed for me or anything

Ronan: Still

Ronan: By god, I just can’t believe you’re with someone and you didn’t tell me

Ali: You should get it, how dramatic it feels to tell someone something like that

Ali: as well as awkward

Ronan: Yeah, but that don’t mean you have your own little secrets, like

Ali: It has been days, it’s not like, you know

Ali: and we haven’t repeated anything since summer

Ronan: You invited me back over your house at the weekend

Ali: It was just for the bonfire, genuinely

Ali: but I see why you’d think otherwise

Ali: it’s not that I didn’t like it, or I don’t like you no more, I just can’t right now

Ronan: Is he coming, your boyfriend?

Ali: nah

Ronan: So you was going to let me keep on thinking I were invited there different to how I am?

Ali: I didn’t know you thought that so how could I?

Ronan: It don’t matter now, I’ve been told how it is

Ali: Were we not friends then, like at all?

Ronan: You can’t be doing that like I’m in the wrong here

Ali: How am I any more than you

Ali: How many people have you slept with since kissing me, Ronan, come on

Ronan: 1 person, same as you

Ali: There you go then

Ali: I never stopped being mates with you

Ronan: I’ve not stopped, yesterday put the wind up me

Ali: yeah

Ali: I wouldn’t have told you like that, shouldn’t but I felt like you’d ambushed us

Ronan: I had thought you and Carls would’ve talked all day about me, I was only after getting my side in

Ali: Sorry to disappoint, like

Ali: I don’t know, she thought she wasn’t ought to, something like that

Ronan: Might be she reckons we ought not done it, that I shouldn’t’ve started it, I don’t know

Ali: I’m sure she wanted to

Ronan: But I fucked up

Ronan: going there to cheer her up and she ended up doing it for me instead, playing my fave songs, putting on a film I like, all this I had no clue she had the knowing of

Ali: There you go then

Ali: was hardly your idea, was it

Ronan: She was being a good mate, I wasn’t

Ali: Whatever, I don’t want to hear about it

Ali: You’re both single, it isn’t a crime

Ronan: My own brother has only just got done himself using her, it feels like if it’s not it needs be

Ali: If you actually believed that then you wouldn’t have done it

Ronan: I don’t like her that way, I don’t know why I done it

Ali: Really

Ronan: She’s there, it’s easy

Ali: and you want me to be happy for the pair of you?

Ali: or believe I’m any different to you, was

Ronan: You weren’t happy hearing it when you know you’re different to me and we would’ve been happy ourselves

Ali: Things happen, outside our control

Ali: if you don’t want to use Carly, then you should stop, I’m not going to pretend it’s great when you’re telling me otherwise

Ronan: Yeah

Ali: I didn’t mean to meet anyone else but I did and I’m sorry

Ronan: And I didn’t mean for this with Carly

Ali: I know

Ali: it’s just going to be different, there’s no avoiding it

Ronan: Long as you don’t avoid me from here on

Ali: I can’t stand being third wheel, makes me wanna puke

Ronan: I’m not with her, you won’t be

Ali: Mm, you say that now but I still feel like you’ve got a secret I’m not in on

Ali: I know it’s stupid

Ronan: You’ll see at your party, all of us how we was before, just friends

Ronan: no more messing

Ali: It might be a piss poor idea letting every dickhead know where the Brit family lives, like

Ronan: I’m not that put out you’ve got yourself a fella I’d not protect you and your family

Ali: Thanks, Ro

Ali: you can tell them I’m not even one, see if they believe you

Ronan: Your accent is all over the place, could say there’s something wrong with you, you’ve a disability or whatever

Ali: Charming

Ali: no, I don’t think I shall be faking that for sympathy, slippery slope to breaking my own kneecaps

Ronan: How you talk’s charming, in fairness

Ali: You been up Derry way before?

Ronan: [tell her when you have if you have or where near there if not, idk how much you’ve travelled around lads]

Ali: Ah, I’m going to go there myself one day soon

Ali: ‘course my daddy would never step foot back so it isn’t a family holiday idea, like

Ronan: You don’t have need of him to take you, I would

Ali: Really?

Ali: could make it a roadtrip

Ronan: Sure, I keep telling you I’m your mate still

Ali: I’d miss you if you weren’t, so I’m sure glad of it

Ronan: I’d miss you more if I weren’t

Ali: Don’t make it a competition now, boy

Ronan: Ah now, is and I’ve won it

Ali: Oh and I suppose I’m to let you have that?

Ronan: You off school again?

Ali: It’s always a possibility

Ronan: I’m wondering how else it is you mean to stop me having it, why I ask

Ali: Ahh, I see

Ali: arguably you can’t have it no more for being at work, that logic

Ronan: We’re driving to a job down [somewhere far enough away they’re in the car for a while] or you’d get nothing out of me and reckon I’m sulking

Ali: You, sulk? 😱 No… never…

Ronan: Ha

Ali: Okay, too soon

Ali: who are you in the car with today?

Ronan: [tell her, could be hilariously awkward depending who lol]

Ali: Never going to be a quiet journey then, don’t feel too bad for keeping you from having a kip

Ronan: Slept like a log last night as it goes, you’re not that much of a nightmare, don’t worry yourself

Ali: 👶👶

Ronan: How are you calling me a baby, schoolgirl? With your uniform on and everything, probably

Ali: Not all of us have supportive parents, tah very much

Ali: or jobs to hop on, feel sorry for me, like 🥺

Ronan: Nah, don’t wanna, too soon for emojis such as them

Ali: I didn’t know there was a list of pre-approved friend emojis, my bad

Ronan: I might write you 1 up

Ali: You should

Ali: and you shouldn’t bring up my uniform again, perv

Ronan: Here’s the slagging you’ve been waiting to give ‘til you weren’t on your good behaviour, I see

Ali: When am I ever on my good behaviour?

Ronan: True enough

Ali: Actual scandalous accusation, there

Ronan: Proper good word for you, there

Ronan: thanks a million

Ali: Now he tells me to stay in school

Ronan: When do you ever do as you're told by me?

Ali: Might not know loads but I know that’s not how friendships meant to work

Ronan: Is it not? What if we call it advice?

Ali: Bit pass ag but yeah, more legit

Ronan: Getting somewhere, so off to school with you

Ali: Okay, ma

Ali: Nothing better to do ‘less I fancy sulking myself

Ronan: Carls would say that’s - craic, too soon to quote her but I have

Ali: I’ve not spoken to her yet so you’re alright

Ronan: I’ll cross myself she says it herself too, be sick of hearing it

Ali: Wouldn’t hold your breath though, like

Ronan: I’m not the best at doing

Ali: I’ll teach you

Ronan: How are we going about that?

Ali: 🌊🌊🌊

Ronan: You’re after drowning me, is it?

Ronan: knew your costume were too good

Ali: Your memory is too good

Ali: I’ll have to lure you in the old-fashioned way

Ronan: Give it a lash, girl

Ali: You’ve heard us sing, haven’t you?

Ronan: No, I’d remember if I had

Ali: Oh, that’s weird

Ali: suppose you haven’t

Ronan: You’ll have to have your party now, I’m missing out

Ali: It is a good reason to

Ronan: And I’ve sourced loads of fireworks already

Ali: Couldn’t possibly let them go to waste

Ronan: That’d be the day

Ali: Is it going to be awkward though?

Ronan: No

Ali: Not between us but what about Carly

Ali: and Bart, for that matter

Ronan: We’ll both of us talk to Carly

Ronan: and he’ll not, which is best

Ali: Alright

Ronan: It’ll be, swear

Ali: I trust you

Ronan: I’ll keep him busy blowing things up, he’ll take no notice of her

Ali: Sounds about right for yous

Ronan: There then, it’s no trouble

Ali: and no need for costumes, this time

Ronan: I’ve a fancy for it from the other night, maybe I’ll wear 1 even so

Ali: You fancy showing off in a ripped shirt again, s’what you’re meaning

Ronan: Who to? Your ma?

Ali: 🙄 everyone knows I have a fit sister, come on now

Ronan: I don’t know what you’re meaning, never heard nothing myself

Ali: Pisstake 😏

Ronan: I’ve work to do, leave your insults next to my list of mate emojis for later

Ali: 💪💪🧡👷‍♂️🥾⚠️💙

Ali: [Private at Carly, after the above convo]

Ali: Hey

Carly: [When I just know she’s been getting messy with Drew and Caleb because nowhere else to go and nobody else to hang out with, so obvs she is not at school and this reply is not immediate, but it is as soon as in the sense of she would the second she’s physically able to because she loves Ali with her whole heart]

Carly: Hey

Carly: I’m sorry

Ali: Me too, I just needed time to cool off before I could deal

Carly: yea, I get it & its k 💛

Ali: I’ve talked to him and he’s going to talk to you too so it can all be sorted, okay

Carly: ill keep an eye out for texts from him

Ali: It just made me feel like I’ve been telling you everything about Johnny and you were keeping that from me

Carly: i just couldnt have u think about me how everyone else does, I can’t

Ali: I wouldn’t, I don’t

Carly: theres no getting it out my head, what moses said, Ive tried I keep trying fucking everything 🍭🍬🚬🌿🌼🍄🍆🍺🍷🥃🍸🎱🔮🎈

Ali: He just wants to infect your head because it keeps him in control

Carly: but hes right, he is

Carly: thats why theres no way to be rid of it

Ali: He can’t be, he’s too far up his own hole to see anything

Carly: you felt it about me

Carly: & I cant blame u I dont

Ali: I was more hurt that it felt like a secret, not that it happened

Carly: idk how to do this hes right there too

Carly: im only bad @ it

Ali: Shh, no you’re not, it can all be fixed

Carly: [writing sorry out x 13 which I’m not gonna do cos I can’t count and will lose said count, but it’s Ali’s lucky number and she knows that so]

Ali: It’s all okay, he’s wrong about you, he doesn’t know anything

Ali: I’m not mad at you

Carly: I feel like im going mad here ❤️🐇🐛☕️🌹

Ali: Where are you? ⚫️

Carly: [send that location wherever you are with these trash lads]

Ali: Oh no, not them

Carly: dont be 😤😠 @ me when you said u wasnt ⬆️

Ali: I’m not, they suck

Carly: i needed 🍭🍬🚬🌿🌼🍄🍆🍺🍷🥃🍸🎱🔮🎈

Ali: Yeah, I know

Ali: You could leave now though, right?

Carly: w a 🦽💜 sure

Ali: I’ll see what I can do

Carly: ive missed u so [x 13 again] much

Ali: a wheelbarrow is more likely… not seeing an emoji for that though

Ali: I know you were only trying to be nice

Carly: cute 🐌🍂🐛🌼🍁🌻🐞🌱🍄 sorry i dont fit in your 🚲 basket 💐🍏🍓🍊

Carly: he 😍💋🥰💋😘💋 me I wouldn’t of 1st

Ali: He told me, yeah

Ali: You can 💋 whoever you want to

Carly: no I cant

Carly: never if it hurts you

Ali: I don’t know, I just don’t want to be left out

Carly: I love u more than anybody I’ve ever 💋

Ali: You’re so high 🍭🍬🚬🌿🌼🍄🍆🍺🍷🥃🍸🎱🔮🎈

Carly: yea which is how you know its true ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Ali: Is that the rule?

Carly: too high to tell a lie, i dont reckon i made it up myself im not smart enough to have

Ali: You’re plenty

Ali: I’ve seen the quotes about sober hearts and vodka being truth serum, etc etc, so, you must be on to something

Carly: where r you? school?

Ali: Does sound like the sort of wisdom they’re throwing around

Ali: I was back home after hiding from the ‘rents, planning a day in bed but I’m coming to find you now

Carly: no 🥺 stay in bed baby dont be getting yourself out for me ☁️💫✨

Ali: If you wanna stay with them, that’s okay

Ali: I can’t be hanging with them rn though, ick

Carly: i only dont want u 👀 me when im covered in them & youre not to do no rescue with your 💙💎☄️🧿🌌🌊 eyes closed

Ali: I don’t blame you

Ali: dunno what to do with myself now

Carly: sorry we cant see each other i 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠 we could

Ali: We still have the party this weekend, and to go shopping for it

Carly: yea 🔥🦋👠🍄🦔💃🥁🧨🪓🍁👢🍎🧚🍂🦊🪐🔥

Ali: It’ll be like before any of this bad shit happened, promise

Carly: if you say so, you’re magic

Ali: He’s promised too

Ali: they’ll be all busy with their 🔥🎆🎇🧨 no drama

Carly: ❤️🧡💛

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feuqueerfire · 2 years

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Minato’s Laundromat Live Blogging

I’ve heard good things and I realized a few years ago that high school senior/way older is fun to read about (the peter/stiles fics on ao3 where i knew nothing about teen wolf and so though stiles was in college till i realized that no lol), so maybe it’ll be fun to watch too

Episode 1 (Oct 10)

Shin is very beautiful

I thought it’d only be in the younger character Shin’s POV but for now it’s in Akira’s

we got to the sponge bath very quickly

okay I guess Shin’s reaction to finding out Akira’s gay is bc now he’s like ‘omg i have a chance’ and doesn’t know how to deal with that while from the outside it def looks like he just ran away in a homophobic manner

girl all this talk about desires lmao

i wish they’d say the words for bro and old guy here so that i could try to hear it

Shin is freaking bold

Episode 2 (Oct 10)

had to read up on japanese suffixes and honorifics because they say a lot here. also think i’m gonna follow along with absolutebl’s watch-along bc i’ll def miss things otherwise bc i’m always lost with these japenese honorifics rip one day i’ll get em!

Shin put Minato as “Akira” on his phone... first name basis in secret lol while Minato just calls him Shin (nickname of firstname)

not only did Minato misunderstand Shin with a girl... he also acted as if he had something to be jealous about alksdjf so embarrassing

lmfao i’m flabbergasted at minato’s audacity and forwardness about liking Minato to his sister

shin intense as hell and a little scary “say ‘i like you, shin’” while holding minato like that

omg minato refuted him by saying “shin-chan” which i have now learned means that minato is emphasizing/teasing about shin being young and ‘lowering his status’

oh, is this the “teacher storyline” everyone’s meh about?

Episode 3 (Oct 11)

Shin’s “we’ll be dating soon” when asked if they’re dating by the classmate reminds me of this week’s The Eclipse ep 9 Ayan

Shin was saved by Minato from drowning as a child?

I think I’ve seen this clip of Shin jealous of his classmate who calls minato Akira-san being close to Minato

we got the talk to minato telling shin no and to stay away but shin really is very forceful and knows what he wants, doesn’t he?

Episode 4 (Oct 11)

I love Shin and his classmate Asuka’s conversations lol

dang Shin strong as hell

the teacher storyline is starting i guess

Episode 5 (Oct 12)

lol this is the bedsheet scene people were mentioning

tbh i don’t have much to say about this show like it’s fine, it’s handling the age gap interestingly, it’s very slice of life, Shin is very beautiful, I’m a little bored. This has been true for all 5 episodes so far

Episode 6 (Oct 12)

i forgot to mention this before but wow this really is so Food As Love Language

please Shin being so intense to the ex-gf like “What did you to do make Minato-san fall for you” because he wants it as future reference

we’re unravelling the ‘we met as children’ plot except only Shin was the child at 7 and Minato was 17 lol

Episode 7 (Oct 13)

i laughed out loud like twice

i enjoyed this ep a fair bit, i think more than the last few but idk what the difference is or what made me like it more

on the reddit on-air threads i’ve seen multiple people say they want to save shin from minato and i kinda don’t get it. it’s not like minato is purposefully cruel to shin and do they want him to just get with a high schooler without consideration? they’re both flawed characters and shin shouldn’t get to date minato just because he wants to? i don’t get it.

Episode 8 (Oct 14)

“The summer I spent with you, it will stay as my precious treasure” awww

oof yeah this is the T.T hurty ep. if i was more invested in the characters (esp shin) i would’ve been devastated but now i can just be like yeah, this was well written and well acted in an objective way but i don’t have much of an emotional connection or reaction to it. also irl minato should’ve let shin down like this monthssss ago

Episode 9 (Oct 14)

Shin’s tryna get Minato and Sakuma-sensei together now? lmfao

i love Asuka and Sakurako’s friendship and conversations lol Asuka tryna give details that’ll make Sakurako give up on Shuu-sensei but her just liking him more instead

Episode 10 (Oct 14)

the end of the teacher subplot

Episode 11 (Oct 17)

went away for the weekend + am now sick, so here’s to finishing this today finally

Shin is just so unbelievably beautiful

lmfao this whole ep is just Shin having the audacity and it making Minato lose his whole mind

Episode 12 (Oct 17)

Asuka and Shuu-kun’s (interesting particle? maybe?) story feels like the same as Minato and Shin’s so ehh idc

If Shin doesn’t go to the university they toured in Tokyo, this show is getting a 5.5

well lol 5.5 it is

cute ending ig but i wasn’t that invested rip

I am who I am meaning my fave character is Sakurako, Shin’s younger sister, who is soo cute, a little doll. Also, Shin’s actor has suchhhh a beautiful face :0

I wish I felt more for this but I don’t. My comment from ep 5 is still true at the end “tbh i don’t have much to say about this show like it’s fine, it’s handling the age gap interestingly, it’s very slice of life, Shin is very beautiful, I’m a little bored.” I’m not even invested enough to feel anything about the characters’ actions even though I feel like I should have loads of thoughts. I think I get bored with longer Japanese shows, the next few will be movies, so maybe I’ll like them more?

Rating: 5.5/10

Tiktoks

Shin asking asuka about his relationship with Minato

Minato’s ex (+ Shin’s interactions w her)

bold Asuka

“I can’t date you”

Ep 12 beach scene

#ep by ep commentary

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kenmaskitten10 · 3 years

Text

Dilf Deku Headcanons

Midoriya Izuku x GN!Reader

warnings: swearing, NSFW themes (nothing graphic just briefly mentioned),brief mention of bullying/scars, idk this is pretty tame nothing is really described... if u don't like dilfs then don't read this :)

a/n: okay! this is my first time writing/publishing anything on Tumblr so please go easy on me haha... I've had ridiculous Deku brain rot lately and I decided I had to jot a few thoughts down. I'm playing with the idea of turning this into a writing blog, but I am undecided! If anyone wants to thirst for one Izuku Midoriya please come talk to me please anyway without further ado here are some Dilf!Deku hcs.... I'm playing around with doing a NSFW version after this so if you would like to see that let me know!

w/c: 1,498

Okay everyone today I want to talk about Dilf!Izuku

This may be controversial but I personally believe that he has the most Dilf potential out of any of the class 1A boys and no I will not be taking criticism at this time

Sorry but even when he’s younger he has Dilf energy - he’s caring, considerate, takes your feelings into account like a dad he just wants to take care of his baby

oh fuck this man no no no

And listen, here me out on this one….. he has more dilf potential than Bakugo and allow me to tell you why

We can all agree that Bakugo has been confident his entire life, so of course he’s going to be confident when he’s older?? duh

But IZUKU is a different story altogether, he’s never felt confident in his life

His whole childhood he was looked down on for being quirkless, and bullied by someone he thought was his friend kachaan

THEN he got a quirk but oh every time he uses it it breaks all his fucking bones and leaves him with all these scars, and he appreciates them because of what they represent but also he’s young when he gets them, he’s already prone to insecurity and when he’s younger ESPECIALLY i think they just remind him of previous failures

He only started to gain a little bit of confidence in his UA days, but it takes time to rebuild yourself after you’ve been torn down for so long, so I honestly imagine he doesn’t even feel an inkling of confidence until his third year or later and even then, it’s new, it’s unfamiliar, he doesn’t totally know how to act

Because yes, by his third year, he’s starting to realize, oh wow okay, I have an incredible quirk and all these new abilities that I can control better, and wow people are paying attention for good reasons , because he’s tall and attractive, probably cuts his hair undercut Izuku supremacy and he’s made some solid friends who help boost his confidence too

But despite all this, deep down he still feels like that quirkless little kid who has to work three times as hard as anyone else and still doesn’t get the recognition he deserves

But OH BOY

DILF IZUKU??? This man is dripping with confidence

he’s older now. he’s overcome a lot. he’s gone to therapy, and worked his way through the pro hero ranks until he earned his number one spot fair and square, that’s something no one can take away from him

He’s loaded now (see below because I go on a whole tangent), he has nice tasteful style that can only come with age and experience

He knows he’s hot now, because its simply no longer something that can be denied, anyone with eyes can see how attractive he is

If he catches you staring at him, he doesn’t shy away. His cheeks might tint slightly, but he stares right back with the biggest smirk on his face. “See something you like, angel?”

Probably finds reasons to show off slightly but he’s Dilf!Izuku so it’s subtle, it’s meant just for you and god does it drive you crazy

The way he’ll reach for and grab at things when he’s around you because he knows you like his hands (he wants to hold your bags and please let him he just wants to feel needed)

They way he stands behind you while you cook, or work, or read…. He sees you sitting or standing so peacefully and he’ll come up behind you to check out what it is you’re doing. He’ll lean down slowly, quietly, stopping when his breath is on your neck and your nose is filled with his scent, and take a quick peek at whatever it is you’re working on. It takes you a moment to turn around, your heart starting to beat faster in your chest due to his looming presence behind you (I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS IS HOT TO ME IT JUST IS OKAY). When you finally turn to face him, his face breaks into a small smile of victory as his strong hand catches your jaw in a gentle grip and he places an achingly soft kiss to your lips before saying “You look so cute when you’re concentrating,”. As you’re about to go in for another, he lets you go and stands up again, his eyes twinkling. “No no, you’re working so hard baby, don’t let me distract you,” WHEN ALL HE WANTED WAS TO DISTRACT YOU and he succeeded and now you’re all hot and bothered, with no hope of resuming what you were doing

Dilf Deku is a tease I know he is but it’s okay he’ll make it up to you later ;)

He’s got shorter, slightly more cropped hair with grey mixed in with the green, his face more lean and angular… not to mention years of pro hero work have toned his body into an absolute work of art I’m gonna pass out just thinking about it

Freckles splashed across his skin like hundreds of little constellations, accented by scars and marks from old wounds (which he’s come to appreciate - they show how hard he’s worked, how much he’s sacrificed to get to where he is now) he’s muscular but I don’t think he’s quite as big as All Might (his fighting style is a lot different so of course he would build muscle in different places) so this means LEGS LEGS LEGS

LEG MUSCLES FOR DAYS

THICK FUCKING THIGHS oh my god

And holy shit his back muscles too WHEW sometimes in the morning when he gets up before you, you watch him sit on the edge of the bed and flex his shoulders and arms to stretch out in the hazy morning light and Jesus Christ

Dilf Deku is older now, he’s spent his entire life working himself too hard and he missed out on a lot of the fun, impulsive, chaotic things young people do, so I think he wants to let loose a little in his older age, have some fun for once

And what’s more perfect than sweet, youthful, tantalizing little you to indulge in ?

He’s so doting, just wants to make you feel special and cared for

And on that note, if you will indulge me for a moment

he’s fucking RICH like

He’s the number one pro hero, he has brand deals on brand deals on brand deals

And I don’t mean to slander All Might and Endeavor, but in terms of a hot, fuckable number one pro hero, Deku has them beat by a landslide so I imagine he has a wider range of brand deals too, because he can sell the sex appeal angle

I mean can you imagine him in interviews? Interacting with fans? Confident yes, but still soft spoken and kind, almost gentle but anyone can tell he’s completely in control, of himself, of the interview, of the audience, this man has the entire country world wrapped around his little finger

All this to say he’s DRIPPING WITH MONEY

he’s like the guy that overtips an OBSCENE amount like if the waiter is really nice he’ll tip like $300 dollars and won’t even blink (I know they don’t tip at restaurants in Japan but this is more for vibes yk)

sugar daddy deku isn’t a stretch it’s a REALITY

Y’all can be officially together or not, either way Deku loves to spoil his precious little y/n

All you have to do is smile sweetly and ask, and he’s absolute putty in your hands

Complies with even the most egregious of your demands, because hey, he has the money to spare, and how could he say no when you look so cute asking so politely?

GOOD TASTE too like he has a lot of money but he knows how to spend it 😏

Additionally he’s, ya know, him, so he’s insanely charitable and donates to charities, go fund me, personal Venmo accounts of fans that need it

if a fan has like a go fund me for some reason that catches his eye, he’s going to donate and he’s going to donate a lot (A LOT)

he doesn’t even do it for the press, he does it bc he’s a good person but my GOD the press eats it up and so do the fans

These hc’s are so self indulgent but all this to say

Dilf!Deku gets what he wants when he wants it and no one is standing in his way

So when he decides it’s you he wants? Well then it’s you he’s going to get!

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha headcanons #bnha x y/n #mha hcs #mha x reader #dilf izuku #izuku midoriya headcanons #deku #dilf deku #deku x reader #deku x y/n #mha #mha x y/n #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x y/n #izuku

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cocobeanncteez · 3 years

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ATEEZ Jongho Imagine: When he's still in contact with his ex-mistress. (Mafia au)

Anonymous said: hii idk if u take reqs but i really enjoy ur storyies n wanted to req smth angsty......mafia jongho who still is in touch w his exmistress n his wife does not like it.... ending can be anyth thx

A/N: Thank you for requesting! My requests are actually closed right now, but I loved this idea so I decided to write it! I hope you like it!

Genre: Angst, mafia au.

Pairing: Mafia!Jongho / Husband!Jongho x reader (fem)

Warnings: profanities, mentions of abuse, alcohol, cheating, and guns.

Tears streamed down your face while your back was pressed against the wall, watching your husband, Jongho, get changed to go who knows where.

The two of you had gotten into the worst argument you've ever had. Jongho's toxic ex-mistress was trying to fuck up your relationship yet again, but your husband just couldn't see that. She was his mistress for five years and older than him by seven years; she was the reason why Jongho got into the mafia world. He did love her a lot, but she used him only for her pleasure and abused him on countless occasions. One day, she decided to leave him and he was completely shattered. You entered his life a few months later, and it took you nearly a year to pick up every piece and put him back together. When she suddenly came back into his life, Jongho didn't tell you about it. They chose to speak once in a while... until she found out about you and decided to cause a lot of drama. You were beyond uncomfortable with that fact that your husband kept in touch with her; even after you expressed how you felt about it, your words went into his ears and left just as fast. You wondered how much longer you could tolerate this, cause honestly, you were so close to your limit.

The sound of a gun cocking brought you out of your thoughts. You glanced at Jongho who was thoroughly checking his handgun before he placed it inside his leather jacket.

"Where are you going?" you asked in concern, hoping it wasn't a mission, although he could handle it if it was one. The worst part about being in the mafia was never knowing whether your loved ones would come back alive once they walk out the door.

"That's none of your business," he replied, making your heart ache.

"I'm your wife, Jongho, it is my business," you said in a soft tone. "Are you going on a mission or—" He left before you could finish talking, slamming the door harshly behind him.

You slid down against the wall, putting your head in your hands while you started crying again. Why couldn't he see how much he was hurting you?

"Y/N! Y/N, wake up!" you felt someone shaking your body. You accidentally fell asleep on the floor while crying last night.

"How the fuck is she sleeping in that position? Her neck is gonna hurt badly."

You slowly opened your eyes, immediately meeting San's dark brown ones. Mingi was next to him, looking at you like as if you were an alien.

"No offense, but you look like shit," Mingi commented, making you snort.

You got up from the floor, groaning in pain due to the pain you felt all over your body, especially in your neck.

"Told you she's gonna be in pain," San murmured to Mingi.

The two of them left you to shower while they made some breakfast. You checked your reflection in the mirror, not surprised to see the puffy bags under your swollen eyes.

You were sure Jongho didn't come back last night, and you really wanted to know where he was.

After taking a shower and having breakfast with San and Mingi, you decided to ask them about Jongho's whereabouts.

"Guys, do you know where Jongho is?"

"Nope," Mingi said. On the other hand, San noticeably tensed up.

"You were with him, weren't you?" you questioned San.

"Not really, but we were at the same club," he said, avoiding eye contact. San has been your bestfriend ever since you were kids, so you could easily tell that there was something else he wasn't telling you about.

"Sannie, I know you're hiding something from me," you crossed your arms over your chest. "You're my bestfriend, not Jongho's, so you better tell me now."

He took a deep breath. "You're not going to be happy about it."

Your eyes widened, immediately realizing what he meant. "He was with that stupid bitch?!"

You lit a scented candle and stripped your clothes off before sitting in the whirlpool tub in your bathroom. You felt like shit the entire day and you really just needed to relax.

After a few minutes, you heard your bathroom door open and Jongho walked in, eyes immediately settling on you. You were surprised he came home so fast after being with his ex-mistress.

"I'm sorry," your husband said, sitting at the edge of the tub. You ignored him, closing your eyes, trying to focus on the warm water instead. "So you're just going to ignore me now?" You didn't say anything while you got out of the tub, wrapping your wet body with a towel.

"Y/N, talk to me," Jongho mumbled, following you to the closet. You wore your panties and a white tank top before moisturizing your legs. "Fuck, Y/N. Talk to me!" Jongho's voice raised a little. "Say something for fucks sake!"

You turned to look at him. "Why don't you go talk to your ex-mistress instead?"

"She means nothing to me!"

You took a deep breath. "Did you sleep with her?" you questioned your husband, staring right into his eyes.

Jongho's jaw dropped a little in shock. "I would never ever be unfaithful to you. How could you even think that I—"

"You were drunk and you spent the night at your ex-mistress' place, Jongho!" you yelled, cutting him off. "You spent the night at that fucking bitch's place after all the shit she did to you! What do you expect me to think?!"

"I wouldn't have been there if I wasn't drunk," he stated, taking your hands in his. "But believe me, nothing happened between us last night. I passed out on her couch."

You chucked bitterly. "You expect me to believe that? You really think I'd believe that after what happened a few months ago?" you asked, referring to the time when he kissed her while being extremely drunk.

"I told you I would never look at another woman as long as I wear this," he held his hand up, pointing to his wedding ring.

"Wow, that makes this situation a whole lot better!" you said sarcastically. Jongho's lips pulled into a thin line. He really didn't know what to do; all he knew was he fucked up big time.

Jongho sighed deeply. "Okay, I know I fucked up and I'm sorry," he said after a few seconds of silence.

You scoffed, tears brimming your eyes. "I've been telling you for months now that I-I," you choked out a sob while the tears began to roll down your face. "That I'm uncomfortable with you having any sort of contact with her, but you don't give a fuck. I wouldn't have any issues with you talking to her if she wasn't constantly trying to screw things up between us. Why can't you see that she's messing things up between us? Why do you always fucking defend her when everyone else can see what she's doing?"

Jongho kept quiet, listening to every word you said, thinking about all the fights you two had because of her. "I can't tolerate this anymore. I'm literally done, Jongho," you continued. "I really can't handle it anymore. I tried my best to tolerate everything, but I'm fucking exhausted now. What's the point of being married to someone who clearly prefers the company of his ex-mistress?" Jongho's eyes widened at your words, wondering if what he was thinking was right or wrong.

His thoughts were confirmed once you were about to take your wedding ring off; he immediately put his hand over yours, stopping you from doing so.

"Don't," he whispered, pain and fear clear in his beautiful eyes. "Please don't. I love you, Y/N." He leaned his forehead against yours. "I swear she means nothing to me. I'll stop talking to her. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Please don't leave me." You felt a wet drop fall onto your cheek, making you look up at your husband. This was the first time you saw Jongho crying and the sight of it broke your heart. You cupped his cheeks, wiping his tears away.

"Don't leave," he murmured, more tears rolling down his perfect face.

"I won't," you sighed. You could never leave him; you loved him way too much. "But you have to promise me that you'll cut her out of your life completely, Jongho. It's damaging our relationship."

"I promise I will," he vowed, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist, scared that you might disappear. You slightly smiled, giving him a soft kiss that instantly made him feel relaxed. You could only hope he would listen to you this time.

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liesoverthec · 3 years

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the post hasn't surfaced yet so please use this ask to talk abt the objectification of the 911 men!!

Ahh May you’re too nice but also thank you, I’m gonna 😂💛

This got. CRAZY long bc I just had a million thoughts so I’m gonna stick it under a cut.

To be honest, I think the reason they do *any* sort of objectification at all is that middle aged and older viewers are used to being able to objectify actors to a certain extent. Lord knows it happens on literally every other single piece of media, and this is a mainstream broadcast show, not an indie series or the likes, so I think they have to cater to those people as well as us, and the WAY they do it is so interesting to me bc even when they’re doing it, they use it as a way to drive home other, deeper messages.

For starters, I feel like the show OG was trying to be in the pilot and the first few episodes would have objectified the men WAY more than we see now if there hadn’t been that shift in tone - the sex addict plot could have been SO much more extended and given us a lot more opportunities to see Buck shirtless and to objectify him and his body. So I find it SO interesting that around the same time as Bobby opening up about his family and his past, we also stop w/ Buck being blatantly shirtless all the time. Narratively, it signals to me the point where the writers moved away from the the typical tv show that will treat their actors like meat, and moved more into a “female gaze” show. And then what’s really interesting to me, is that for Buck, after that, when he has sex w Taylor Kelly in s2, both times we NEVER see him undressed. The second time they don’t get very far, but he’s wearing a buttonable shirt. He absolutely could have been wearing that shirt closed, and she could have opened it, and he could have been wearing nothing underneath it, and we would have seen his chest again in a sexy scenario - but they didn’t. In fact they made the DELIBERATE choice to give him an undershirt. And of course with the first time they cut away and just left us w the understanding that sex was happening, yet again taking away an opportunity to show O.S. at least partially undressed. Which is SO different from how s1 goes about it, where we actually see Buck w his shirt open and his underwear exposed MULTIPLE times. So it’s so incredibly interesting to me that while none of the (main/regular) women’s stories are ever about sex like Buck’s is, I also think it’s REALLY interesting that the objectification of the men was, and could have been, much worse and that they didn’t have to move away from that, but they did.

But then secondly! The very last time we get into a plot that revolves around the men’s bodies specifically is in 2x01, which is SUCH an interesting plot. Surface level - it’s just about the men competing about who’s more attractive, and we get lots of muscle flexing and hot manliness to go along with it. And it is, at a surface level, incredibly shallow. But simultaneously they use it to 1. Introduce the idea that Buck wasn’t a sex addict bc he was “dealing w the stress of the job” like s1 mostly implied. It was bc he’s desperate to feel useful and wanted by someone, and at that point he really wanted that acceptance within the firehouse, rather than from other people. (Bc lbr, Abby didn’t do shit for Buck. It was Bobby, opening up and accepting the family, and specifically Buck, that gave him the connection he’d been seeking through sex.) And then 2. They also use it as an opportunity to SPECIFICALLY, IN CANON, say that it’s what you do that makes you attractive, and that makes you a hero, not how you look. Which is just!!! A crazy message!!! Especially considering they follow through on it, particularly in the areas where the women are concerned!

And in regards to 2x01, it’s soooooo fucking interesting to me that the ONLY time we really truly see Eddie shirtless, he’s actually putting clothes ON. They literally do the opposite trope of 'giving the hot male an excuse to take his shirt off'. And sure, they make it a sexy moment, but there's absolutely interesting commentary there about him actively covering himself up at the moment he is most sexualized, and it being taken as a sexy thing. Something about how you don't have to be naked to be attractive, it's about your intent in your actions, rather than your physical body. (Probably me reading too far into it, but again, they COULD have had him striping off his regular shirt, a good few seconds of him shirtless digging through a bag, and THEN the sexy slow mo pulling shirt on. At the very least, when they objectify him there, they make it MUCH shorter than they could have, which is SO DAMN INTERESTING to me).

But then finally, we still do have shirtless scenes! But the fact that it’s Chim who’s shirtless is just SO FASCINATING. Bc THE WAY THEY DO IT - they're never dunking Chim in a lake, or having something spilled on him, like other shows would do, to get his shirt clinging to him and him to whip it off in a spray of water or whatever. It's in scenes where it makes sense for him to be shirtless, and its NEVER treated like a big deal. It's just Chim, in his body, comfortably living his life. So I think the way they do it gives him more respect than other shows give their male characters, let alone their female characters 💀

And it's SO interesting to me that they use Chim (I mean, besides the fact that K.C. clearly has muscles for days and wow of course you'd use Chim). But I just think - on any other show, it would absolutely be Buck who we see casually shirtless. And that WAS almost this show, which is why we saw him shirtless at all. But failing that, it should have been Eddie. And then of course, after Eddie, it should be Bobby. I mean, plenty of other shows go for the 'sexy middle-aged white man' (cough cough LS) so Bobby would be the next logical step in the "who are we gonna make our hot man?" ladder, also - P.K. has BICEPS THAT COULD CRUSH ME so I would not blame them for making him the hot one.

But - like I said in my tags on my original post - I'm always thinking about Chim's story in 2x01 with the calendar, and feeling like he never gets to be the hero (WHICH I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW BEING THE HERO IS EQUATED THERE TO BEING THE HOT ONE, SO LIKE, CHIM BEING SHIRTLESS, SUBTLE REINFORCEMENT OF HIM BEING A HERO!) I love that for him, being the truly hot one on the team. And then you throw in his story from 2x04, and feeling like his life wasn't going anywhere and seeing him now, comfortable in his body and his life and being happy??

I wish no one had to be objectified and shirtless but I know this is broadcast tv, and honestly, the choice for it to be Chim, with his story and his background, in itself is I think a choice that makes me happy.

Of course, the show is nowhere near perfect, and I’d argue that it’s one of the areas they fall shortest in. Buck sleeping w his therapist would never have happened for a woman on this show, and it CERTAINLY wouldn’t have been brushed off again as a joke like it was in s3. And it really bothered me in 4x07 when the lady slapped Eddie’s ass, esp since he was clearly uncomfortable with it. I’d actually really enjoy seeing them write a plot for one of the men that addresses them feeling oversexualized as firefighters, and how people seem to think they have permission since the men are all public employees, bc I think the show could do it really well, and I think it’s an area that hasn’t been addressed on other shows recently (plus lbr I know I’m biased but I think OG would do it better if it has been done…)

So idk. I don’t know if I have a solid conclusion here. The show does SUCH a good job with the women, and a solidly less good job with the men - but I also see some really interesting choices at work that I really respect.

Thanks for the opportunity May, sorry if there was no coherent thread to this. 😂🤷‍♀️

#911 fox #asked and answered #evan buckley #eddie diaz #chimney han #the one area re:the men I think they do super super well in #is the fact that none of them experience or act w any sort of toxic masculinity #we’ve seen all of them cry MULTIPLE times #and they’re comfortable being vulnerable w both men and women #and none of their personalities are built are ‘hello I am a MAN’#which I really really like and enjoy

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