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punksocks · 7 months

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To Tame The Untamable: Lilith & Obsession Pt.2- The Placements

*Just based on my experiences, please only take what resonates

Ok my whole preamble can be found here. That’s all my philosophical reasoning, and my breakdown of the why of what makes people obsessed with Lilith energy. now here’s the placements.

-Natal Placements that can make others obsessed with you:

-Lilith in 1st/conjunct Asc: you’re divisive by accident. People always love you or hate you, but everyone has an opinion on you whether they actually know you or not. You embody Lilith’s dark, rebellious, and sensual femininity without even trying. You probably have a figure that turns heads as well. You come off as fiery and intimidating. Others get enamored and fixated on you. The tricky part can come with invoking such strong reactions in others, a fan can easily turn into an enemy. This can happen just as easily in reverse as well.

-Lilith in 10th/conjunct MC: You come off as controversial as you are powerful. You walk into a room and everyone feels the weight of your presence before you even say a word. Truly the embodiment of boss b*tch energy and you don’t have to try. Your presence demands respect and can easily intimidate others, even potential suitors. Even when you’re at your least confident you’re formidable, at your most confident you’re untouchable.

-Lilith in 7th: You’re a charmer by nature. You may find yourself at the center of controversial attention and scandal in relationships. It’s easy for you to persuade others into doing what you want them to. People may always want to be the one to tame you and to get you to settle down with them but you’re hard to get a hold of.

-Lilith in 4th: You grew up with adults viewing you as competition (which was like super inappropriate for them to do). You may have learned about using your looks/energy as a weapon for survival from an early age. A lot of people are fascinated with the way you handle your home life. You probably give a lot of people fantasies about settling down with you, but they get afraid/intimidated by what that could mean and how that could impact their families (the ones they already have and the ones they hope to have in the future)

-Lilith in 8th: Scorponic themes here. Lilith triggers obsession easily in this house, for both the native and others. Here deep aspects of taboo/shadow desires can be revealed by Lilith’s exposing energy. I feel like this is one of those house placements for Lilith that makes the native have a lot of scandalous experiences in their connections. This is the energy that draws people into you and compels them to do whatever they can to stay with you.

-Lilith in 12th: This points to being on a lot of people’s subconscious minds. Fulfilling a lot of fantasies with the neptunean themes of the house combined with Lilith’s ability to draw out the shadow side of people’s desires. This is also a house that keeps a lot of its energy hidden and tends to hide a lot of people’s reactions to the native, so this is a strong indicator of having secret admirers. Being the girl of their dreams but being relegated to their fantasies.

-Lilith opposition/square Asc: The tension here between the native’s ascendant and Lilith placement creates this energy that’s impactful, too hot to handle even. Many feel intimidated and exposed by your presence alone. You come off as someone that can’t control their own s*x appeal. Untamable in the truest sense, because you can’t even control the energy. When you try to downplay it, it leaks out and makes people suspicious, they assume you must be hiding something and they’re compelled to find out. When you embrace it, you become a force of nature. Like combustion sustained. Many want to compete with you and be the ones to subdue your energy. To be the ones to best you. But they can’t. Not even you can. And it can quickly drive others over the edge. (Sidenote: I feel like this is also the hardest Lilith energy to romanticize, with this placement self awareness becomes one of your most pertinent tools. If you are unaware of yourself this energy can set you in fire, make you outcast yourself or turn manipulative to others due to what you’ve gone through. If you are unaware of others, this can put you in danger because they react in the strongest of ways- instinctively they feel disgust or obsession towards you. It’s a harrowing energy to carry)

-Lilith in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius): This is just a theory of mine, but I’ve noticed that for fixed Lilith signs they often have to find balance to avoid getting obsessed with expressing or repressing their fixed Lilith energy. When others come into play, I feel as though they too get fixated. Fixated with how you present yourself when they know you, fixated on how your energy effects them, stuck on you/how they perceive you in general. This is strongest/most obsessive with Lilith in Scorpio imo.

-Lilith in water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces): I’ve come to interpret Lilith in water signs as having this emotional/subconscious effect. It’s not as explosive as other elements, but it ends up being more permeating. Still waters run deep. The type of connection that leaves you either so emotionally affected or emotionally devastated that you feel it forever. This one never leaves you.

-Lilith in fire signs (aries, leo, sagittarius): Nearly the opposite as above, Lilith in fire signs is the effect of that spark- pure heat- and it rarely lasts, that’s the maddening part. If water signs impress upon your subconscious because they’re so emotionally permeating, then fire signs hit you with a huge burst of energy then you’re left chasing that high for ages. It’s the sultry woman you never see again, or the adventurer who ran off before you could tether yourself to them. It’s a burst of that heat and then it’s gone. Or you’re afraid it’ll leave you. The idea is devastating and then you’re even more hooked than you were before.

-Synastry that can kick off obsession:

-Lilith conjunct their sun/moon/asc: The feeling of meeting someone that illuminates this hidden side of you. Freeing but terrifying. Knowing someone that holds all of this power to draw out the unseen. And how this will play out tends to depend on the maturity of both parties. For Ascendant when it’s positive, the ascendant person feel empowered by the Lilith person to act and react from a place they were too afraid to before, like they could pursue what they desire without shame through this connection. The Lilith person will feel like they have room to take up space and express parts of their expression they couldn't before, they’ll feel more seen and understood. When it’s negative, the ascendant person will resent how the Lilith person expresses themselves, the Asc person will feel envious of the Lilith person’s up front nature and/or the Lilith person will embody traits they deeply resent but are attracted to. The ascendant person can become obsessed with traits the Lilith person has that repels and attracts them. For Sun, when it’s positive the Lilith person will illuminate the Sun person’s hidden drive, the things that motivate them to express their personality in a way that we’re afraid to before, and the Lilith person will feel lighter and brighter in the sun person’s presence and may become more forgiving/less ashamed of their own shadow side. When it’s negative, the sun person will resent the Lilith person’s drive and personality and the sun person will feel the need to compete with and shame the Lilith person. The Lilith person may feel exposed and will become resentful and belittling to the sun person. The sun person can become obsessed with outdoing the Lilith person and attracting more praise/attention than they do. For moon, when it’s positive the moon person can feel like an emotional freedom with the Lilith person, even if there’s an intensity there the moon person can reveal a side of their deepest selves that only really makes sense between them and the Lilith person. The Lilith person can feel nurtured and the rare chance to feel safe while being vulnerable, they’ll feel deeply emotionally at home with moon person. When it’s negative, the moon person can grow codependent and use the Lilith person as an emotional crutch for their shadow side/insecurities, they can feel like the Lilith person expressing themselves is a personal/emotional attack on the moon person and their vulnerabilities. The Lilith person can feel trapped, emotionally appeasing the moon person. The Lilith person can become manipulative and play on this hidden side of the moon person as well. Maybe the most unhealthy out of all of these when it’s an underdeveloped connection. The moon person can become controlling and obsessive over the emotional solace they feel for the Lilith person and they can easily become possessive.

-Lilith harsh aspects (square/opposition/conjunct) to their Venus: The Venus person never imagined they would fall for the Lilith person, the Lilith person is everything they’re ashamed to be romantically attracted to (some sort of taboo like race, age, social class, etc). The Lilith person has embodied temptation for the Venus person and now the Venus person is hooked, not that they’d ever admit it. The whole connection can have this taboo/forbidden feeling to it whether it’s scandalous or not. The Venus person often has some sort of conflict with who they pictured settling down with and who the Lilith person actually is. The Venus person tends to get obsessed when they can’t find that Lilith person in any other romantic options. They still may resist settling down but they’ll keep coming back. (Pro tip: don’t let them use you- but that’s just an -opinion-)

-Lilith harsh aspects to their Mars: Very similar to above but it’s more likely that the connection is more motivated by s*xual chemistry. The mars person clicks on a level of intimacy that they are unable to with almost anyone else with the Lilith person. The Lilith person can feel deeply desired by the mars person, in turn. The mars person will feel exposed by the darker sides of what they crave intimately being brought to light in their connection to the Lilith person. The mars person may feel especially challenged by the Lilith person, in terms of dominance/power/control. No matter the actual dynamics at hand, the mars person may never feel like they have enough control over the connection and this may make them more agitated/competitive with the Lilith person. The mars person can become obsessive over the strength of the connection and feeling powerless over it.

-Lilith harsh aspects to the Moon: Similar to the Venus and Mars aspects, this would have the most emotional motivation out of all of the connections. The Moon person would have an emotional side of themselves exposed by the Lilith person. If they’re the type to never get emotionally attached then suddenly they’re in their feelings about the Lilith person. If they’re trying not to do anything long term, then they’re considering a life with the Lilith person (the inverse could occur too, with Lilith’s tendency to attract scandal). The Lilith person would find their emotions and vulnerability challenged but may express some unseen side of themselves with the moon person. Could lead to a manipulative and codependent connection if both parties are underdeveloped. The moon person may become obsessive over how much depth they had in their connection with the Lilith person, especially if they can’t get that feeling again.

-Lilith squaring/opposing the angles (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th): The Lilith person will challenge the ways the house person lives and perceives the world/operates throughout their lives. Like how they interpret their experiences and perceive things (1st). How they consider their family and their home, and what feels like home (4th). Their attitudes and actions in relationships and partnerships (7th). How their public image is and what their reputation is, and their career and what it means to them (10th). The obsession usually comes from the “you can never go back to how things used to be” feeling that the Lilith person leaves the house person with. Could be expressed as resentment or being bewildered by this new way of seeing/experiencing things.

-Lilith conjunct their 8th house: The Lilith person can quite easily make the house person feel exposed. They can learn what digs deep at the house person and what triggers them. What darkness they’re hiding. What the house person is obsessed with. Easy aspect for a relationship/connection with a lot of power plays.

#astro observations #astro notes #astroblr #astro community #astrology #lilith astrology #lilith #synastry

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hoverboards-and-dragons · 2 months

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you unlock a new level of interpretation for Lucilith once you start understanding it as the monsterfucker/lover relationship it is, the human-nonhuman dynamics

Angels have worship built into their bones, cannot prioritize themselves for the life of them, they are not functional if they cannot devote themselves mind and being to another, (reciting prayers is a stim)

Sera and Emily do not seem to enjoy being in charge at all and will invoke some idea of a higher power whenever they have to make a decision, people pleasers first both of them

Just, like, Look at him gesturing Lucifer's everything

I'm using Vaggie and Lute as further evidence, even if we arent sure if exorcists are heavenborn or not

I don't think Lilith could handle an equal relationship with another human soul after her experience with Adam, she'd be so hyper avoidant of ever being taken advantage of or side lined but she wouldn't want a partner complicit but resentful or broken into submission

But a creature made for Servitude before anything else, is most fulfilled when submitting to the will of another, just straight up biologically incapable of having underlying personal motivations, now thats something she can trust to share her life and kingdom with, her own personal little angel

he needed a God and She could use a message bearer

The point is Lucifer's head is only clear and quiet when Lilith has him on his knees thanks for coming to my ted talk

#they're perfect #healthy? who the fuck cares about healthy they're perfect #I do have ideas for how Eve interacts with this dynamic but that another post #when i have the words #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hellaverse #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin hotel headcanons #hazbin hotel eve #forbidden fruits #lilith x lucifer #hazbin hotel Lucilith #Lucilith #hover thinks thoughts

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ilovehowyoufeel · 3 months

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The fallen angel became a malignant devil. Heaven forbade him prophethood. When invoked, even god was favorable and granted him Lilith in his desolation… Only i remain alone.

#art #old art #lovers #dark thoughts #dark aesthetic #darkness #lilith #quotes #relationship #dark art #painting

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becoming-persephone · 1 month

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Lilith, a figure steeped in myth and legend, embodies the essence of feminine power in its most primal and unbridled form. Often depicted as a seductress, a demoness, or even a dark goddess, Lilith's story traverses the annals of ancient mythology, weaving together threads of rebellion, independence, and untamed sexuality.

In Jewish folklore, Lilith is believed to be Adam's first wife, created from the same earth as him, and thus demanding equality. Refusing to submit to Adam's authority, Lilith fled the Garden of Eden, embracing her freedom and autonomy. This act of defiance casts her as a symbol of feminine liberation, challenging traditional patriarchal norms and reclaiming her sovereignty.

Throughout history, Lilith has been both revered and feared, her power emanating from her refusal to conform to societal expectations. She represents the untamed aspects of femininity—the wild, the sensual, and the mysterious. As the embodiment of the dark feminine, Lilith embodies the raw primal energy that exists within all women, urging them to embrace their desires and unleash their true potential.

Lilith's power lies not only in her defiance of male authority but also in her role as a protector of women and children. In some traditions, she is invoked as a guardian spirit, offering solace to those who have been marginalized or oppressed. Her presence serves as a reminder that true power stems from within, and that by embracing our own darkness, we can tap into the limitless reservoir of strength that lies dormant within us.

In modern times, Lilith has emerged as a symbol of feminist empowerment, inspiring women to reclaim their voices and assert their autonomy in a world that seeks to silence them. Her story serves as a powerful reminder that true liberation comes from embracing all aspects of ourselves, even the parts that society deems taboo or undesirable.

Ultimately, Lilith's power lies in her refusal to be bound by convention, her willingness to embrace her own darkness, and her unwavering commitment to living life on her own terms. She serves as a beacon of hope for all those who dare to defy expectations and forge their own path in a world that seeks to constrain them.

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inuhalfdemon · 7 days

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No One Can Know... (12/?)

Word Count: 1,816 Words

Rating: Mature (Sexual Themes + Language)

Chapter 12

"Hear me out, I'm sorry but I'm a little less than sold

I've been around, heard all the stories you said you never told

You're used to speaking in tongues to feel like you're in control

Now you've got nowhere to run, now you've got nowhere to go."

- BAD OMENS

Alastor had already known what the results to Charlie’s meeting with Heaven would be, but it was vitally important that he be present when everyone in the hotel gathered together to hear the re-telling of the events from Vaggie. He had guessed right in that Vaggie’s being-an-angel was what had rocked her and Charlie’s little love boat and he could only imagine how brilliantly that must have come to light for everyone – including the Princess of Hell - amid the meeting. He listened – rather boredly – to the group as they questioned Vaggie, until someone pointed out Charlie’s obvious absence and Vaggie explained that she was currently upstairs, in their room…alone.

Alastor’s ears perked up at this.

Lilith had instructed him to withhold any information pertaining to a possible defense against Heaven from Charlie until after the meeting. His next move now was: revealing what he knew and helping Charlie formulate a plan in defending the hotel. But, perhaps…there was an opportunity here he hadn’t previously considered.

Shifting to shadow; Alastor silently slipped away from the group – meaning to catch Charlie in her most vulnerable of states.

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Later that night, Alastor was in his main room within the hotel. He had just hung up his jacket and was setting aside his bowtie when a golden-glowing portal formed beside his door, Lucifer stepping out.

Lucifer cleared his throat; his portal snapping closed behind him.

“Hey, Al…sorry for stopping by unannounced.” He paused. “Are those wards of yours still up and working?”

“Yes.” Alastor turned, glaring at him.

“Oh, good.”

“Wh-?”

Lucifer exploded into his winged-devil form; hurling himself at Alastor and painfully pinning him to the wall. Photo frames and a variety of décor fell and crashed to the floor.

“YOU FUCKING MADE A DEAL WITH CHARLIE!?” He roared into Alastor’s face.

“Wait! Just wait! Lucifer, let me explain!” Alastor struggled. Despite his height; Lucifer had leveraged himself at the end of a sofa that Alastor kept against that particular wall and he was finding it hard to find his footing with how high Lucifer had pinned him. His ears laid flat and his eyes were wide.

He hadn’t anticipated Lucifer finding out about his deal with Charlie so quickly nor had he properly considered the King’s response.

“EXPLAIN IT THEN!” Lucifer shoved against him and Alastor thought his chest might just cave in.

Air rushed from Alastor’s lungs and he wheezed; trying to gulp more in.

“I did it- I did it for the power!”

“HOW DOES THAT ANSWER MAKE THIS SITUATION ANY BETTER FOR YOU!?”

Lucifer’s grip on him sharply tightened; his eyes glowing and burning hotter.

“Careful, Luci….please…I’m not Lilith…you could actually kill me!”

“I JUST MIGHT…” Lucifer hissed; spitting into his face. “YOU THINK THAT I’D RAISE A HAND TO LILITH!? YOU THINK THAT SHE’D INVOKE MY WRATH TO SUCH AN EXTENT!?”

“No, no, no –“ Alastor was shaking now. “That’s not why I said it- I-“

“YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING LITTLE COCK-“

“HEY!” Alastor shouted back at him then in deeply offended resentment.

“-ROACH” Lucifer finished.

“Oh, yeah….okay.”

Lucifer seethed at him and Alastor took a risk at furthering his explanation.

“Look, it was a very simple deal that I made with Charlie. A deal of favors. I made it because I had something to offer and the added power I get from making a deal like that – with someone like Charlie – it’s significant. It could prove to be beneficial to us when it comes time to defend the hotel.” Alastor reasoned. He withheld the points that: he did it as a small backhand at Lucifer - banking on that his continuing deal with Lilith protected him from any real consequential harm; and that it might be a very valuable get-out-jail-free card he could use in breaking one - or even two - of his chains at some point.

“VOID. IT.” Lucifer growled at him, deep and menacingly, emphasizing both words with precision.

“I can’t…you know I can’t!” Alastor told him, honestly. “My part of the deal is complete.”

“THEN ASK HER TO MAKE YOU A FUCKING SANDWICH.”

“A: That would be rather rude. B: It’s not quite that simple. It has to be a favor that only Charlie could provide for me; something only within her possession, power or ability that I can request from her and her only. She likely doesn’t even have anything like that yet!”

One favor at the time of my choosing where she harms no one…but, Alastor didn’t bother delving into those little details.

“WHAT A FUCKING-“ Lucifer shoved him again and then pushed away; letting him go.

Alastor slid to the floor; his feet catching him but his legs wobbled and buckled and he just went to the ground.

“Ugh! Do you have to have such a hard on right now!?” Lucifer yelled at him, turning away. He was shifting back into his normal form.

He hadn’t noticed it before but Lucifer was right…he was hard.

“The fuck!?” Alastor leaned against the wall and shakily stood up. He tried to re-adjust himself but there was really nothing for it – his man was standing at full-attention.

“God, who knew you were such a fucking submissive.” Lucifer sneered; his back still to Alastor.

“I-I’m not sure that I know what that means.” Alastor was saying, awkwardly moving to reach for his jacket. Sliding it from the hook; he draped it around himself – feeling humiliated.

“You fucking wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t really clear things up for me, but thank you.”

“God, Al…this... This is such a fucking mess.”

Alastor moved himself to the sofa; angling himself against the armrest so that he was less visible now.

“Your fault, really.” Alastor said lowly, looking away.

“My fault!?” Lucifer turned on him and it was made apparent to Alastor that he wasn’t the only one who was getting excited about things. “How is all of this my fault!? You were the fucking one who decided to use me! Who decided to play with my feelings!? You wanna fuck around – even if you’re not in rut!? Well, let’s do it! Let’s fuck around! I’m all for it! I love a good fuck! But, you don’t get to do what you did last night and plan to make for a power grab like that when all I ever did was fucking respect you.”

“IT WASN’T A FUCKING POWER GRAB!!!” Alastor yelled.

“YOU SAID-“

“That the: Thought. Crossed. My. Mind.” Alastor told him darkly, emphasizing each word with coldness. “Ever hear of an intrusive thought, Lucifer? Ever think of something – consider something – so sinisterly tempting and yet, you never act on it? Hm?”

Lucifer stared at him – eyes widening when he realized.

“But, you didn’t say-“

“YOU DIDN’T FUCKING ASK.” Alastor yelled back at him again; standing up now – letting his jacket slide off and no longer caring. “What you did…was force.”

Lucifer didn’t move.

“I asked you to remove the chain and that fucking shackle.” Alastor told him, his voice low and shaking. “Not because I wanted to lie to you…but, because I wanted you to trust me enough to know that I would have told you the fucking truth.”

Lucifer’s eyes dropped from him in shame.

“I don’t want your power.” Alastor told him. “I never fucking did. Lilith knows that.”

Lucifer’s head jerked up at this.

“So, why didn’t you?”

“Al…I’m-I’m sorry.” Lucifer told him. “I didn’t mean-“

Alastor snorted. “No…you didn’t, did you.” His ears laid flat. “Maybe because the ugly truth of all of this is; last night did mean something to me. But, did it mean anything for you?”

“Yes, Al.” Lucifer was moving toward him now. “Of course, it did.”

“Then, why are you still here?” Alastor asked him. “I already told you, I won’t be the one, the thing that comes between you and Lilith.”

He’s still so worried about that, even now…

“It’s not going to happen, Al. I’ve already told you…” Lucifer paused; reaching out carefully – tentatively - to touch his face.

“That sex means different things to different people.” Alastor surprised him, his face leaning into the King’s touch rather than pulling away from it.

“Yes, but that’s not what I meant.” Lucifer explained. “What I meant was, there is nothing that can come between me and Lilith – not even you.”But, Alastor didn’t want to hear that either – he started to pull away and Lucifer stopped him, pulling him back. “Listen to what I’m trying to tell you, please.”

Alastor waited; listening.

“You can’t come between us. What Lilith and I have…it’s not the same. It’s…beautiful and amazing, it’s undying, it’s unbreakable and it’s….unconventional. I can’t…explain it without it sounding non-committal or cringey, but I can have Lilith and I can have you.”

“So I’m just your side chic, then?”

“No, you’re –“ Lucifer saw the small smirk. “Oh, I see, you’re trying to be Mr. Funny now, is that it?” Then, “Well, I mean if you wanted to be.” Lucifer told him, shrugging.

Alastor made a disgusted sound at that.

“Look, can we-“ Lucifer took his face into both hands and Alastor leant further into the touch “Can we just…be for now? No labels. No overthinking it. We don’t even know where this is going or where it will take us… Lilith knows, she has no problems with it –“

“Does Lilith know?” Alastor asked him suddenly. “She knew about you helping with my rut…but, does she know about…the other stuff?” Alastor suddenly looked like he might have a panic attack.

“Lilith knows.” Lucifer told him.

“I haven’t told her.” Alastor realized, alarmed. “And, you can’t contact her so how does she –“

“Alastor, breathe.” Lucifer pulled him down – pressing his forehead to his. “She knows. I can’t contact her but she’s contacted me.”

“You told her!?” Alastor pulled his head back, somehow, he was even more alarmed now.

Lucifer’s mouth twitched; he was trying not to smile or laugh at Alastor’s complete and utter distress.

“Yes, Al. I told her.” Lucifer assured him. “She knows. She doesn’t mind. If anything, she’s glad that I’ve got you to keep me busy and distracted – I’m less likely to make a mistake with everything she’s got planned, and I’m less lonely. Really, Al, it’s okay.” Lucifer told him; pulling Alastor close, reaching up and sliding a hand into his hair.

“I still can’t say that I’m very happy about the deal you made with Charlie, but…I’m sorry that I let things get so out of hand this morning and I’m sorry that I put you in such an impossible and unfair position. Are we good now?” Lucifer asked him. “If you’d rather I just leave and we talk about this more later, I’ll understand.” Lucifer went to step back; his hand sliding away from Alastor’s hair.

Alastor caught his hand; pulling it back and holding it pressed against his face.

“We’re good.”

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Chapter 13

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myun-saidthoughts · 10 months

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4th House Synastry

In the realm of 4H synastry, activating this aspect invokes a sense of comfort, ease, and relaxation. It creates an environment where worries fade away, and it allows you to express your inner thoughts freely, you just feel secure. The energy exudes a sense of reliability and trustworthiness.

For reference I'll use this boy and I's synastry aspects:

His Sun, Mercury & Venus are in my 4H.

(Below are his planets in my 4H making into my chart)

His Sun conjuncts my Jupiter, His Sun opposes my Moon (6 degree orb), his Sun trines my Mercury, Lilith and ascendant, his Sun sextiles my Mars, his Mercury conjuncts my IC, his Mercury sextiles my Uranus, his Mercury trines my Chiron, his Venus squares my ascendant and my Mercury, his Venus sextiles my Neptune, his Venus trines my Venus and North Node,

My Venus is in his 4H (My Venus Conjuncts his IC)

His South Node conjuncts my Sun

His Vertex conjuncts my South Node and Neptune

His Moon conjuncts my South Node (5 degree orb)

(Also: his Moon is in my 1H, my Moon is in his 3H, my Sun, Mercury, Rising are in his 5H, and my Venus is in his 4H)

Now I made a post about him a few months ago, and I noticed It felt bit lack luster with him. Although there was an instant comfort that I hardly feel with everyone else, I wasn't completely enticed, compared to what I'm used to (with 8th house synastry). I was intrigued a bit because objectively he is beautiful, and for someone who struggles with emotional intimacy, vulnerability, I self sabotage as if it's my second nature, so with it came times where when I was with him I didn't allow myself to feel deeply or to feel something for him (as much as I am a able too) so with that brought in feelings where I told myself I didn't like him or that he didn't ignite enough passion in me.

I saw him in May which was a few months ago and I was with him for the weekend and everything felt easy, but I wasn't incredibly enthralled, and with him and without him I felt whole and there wasn't any voids that he healed. (but that's because I subconsciously blocked myself from allowing him too)

After hanging out with one another, sharing dating behavior attitudes, hand holding etc, he just disappeared out of thin air, and I didn't think twice of it. And honestly because of our synastry I already knew I was going to run into him some way or another.

Anyway, a few days ago the same hour Venus goes into retrograde (he has a natal Venus retrograde) he called me and we made plans to hangout the following day. Prior to this I was nervous and scared because I don't normally see or hangout with anyone, but we met up at a party and we were casually just hanging out, he brought his friends and I was with mine. The conversations weren't forced and the second I saw him the fear I had left, I wasn't nervous or worried and I easily kept conversation. It was like I suddenly became this open, carefree individual that knew how to make conversation with anyone who was around because he was standing next to me.

Anyway as the night progressed he visibly looked so cute, and because I was drinking I became more inclined to letting him "in," in some way or another. We talked and talked and i'm not even sure about what, but there was no awkward silences and I just felt so at ease and was always laughing. I didn't get this high like I did with 8th house synastry, but I just felt comfortable in my own skin and because of that, I liked being next to him.

At the party we were away from each other for maybe 3 minutes and as a stranger was talking to me, I thought to myself I want to stand next to him. And prior to this I was scared that he was going to only hangout with me, (because I'm terrified of actually liking someone) and it turns out I was the one who chose to go back to him at the party. (He was literally the cutest boy there lmao)

We kissed that night and from the following day (today) I don't feel sick, I don't feel worried, I don't feel scared that I allowed myself to kiss him. That alone is triggering me to feel worried. Now since I still have curiosity towards him and since he feels like a comfort blanket; I'm now realizing what his presence elicits in me. He somehow didn't trigger my disorganized attachment style and I genuinely think it's because for (now) I allowed myself to feel, without getting scared or even repulsed by him.

I thought I wasn't affected by him, I thought I wasn't going to need him in any shape or form.

But in this moment I feel like i'm wrong.

Right now the feelings that I have are confusing me because I don't feel low without him, but I do feel this co-dependent underlying want for him.

Feeling comfortable in my own skin, with no worry is something I am not used too, so for him to create that in me is what's getting me.

A part of me knows I knew him from a previous life, and because of my broken attachment style, having this comfort with another person isn't something I normally get to hold onto.

Since I am still learning to let myself feel, these emotions that persevere comes in waves. I thought to myself that I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but that's the part of me that craves for peace and serenity talking, and now writing this post, the other part of me that hides and suppress any unsolicited needs for another is creating myself to feel nothing towards him.

(It's been another day since writing this and I no longer have that dire need for him because my brain is telling myself it's safer for me to not truly care yet and whether I want too or not, my brain just does this. I can still turn these feelings off in some shape or form and I still feel fear with going on a date or seeing him again but I also know, that once i'm next to him i'll just feel this ease I wish I was able to hold onto on my own.

Moving on, for a more descriptive and better understanding this is how the house person might feel:

What 4th House Synastry Feels Like

Everything feels so easy, with them you'll feel somehow secure, somehow safe. You naturally know how to respond to them, a look from them makes you feel comfort, you two share the same humor (with other soft mercury-moon/sun aspects), everything feels like it's already happened before, and with that feeling they unlock a part of you that you're afraid to show others.

When you're next to them, you're no longer worried about how others perceive you, nor are you overthinking the conversations between the two of you. It's different with 8th house synastry because although with the 8th house their touch unlocks that dire need of being emotionally vulnerable towards another, the 4th house unlocks a part of your character that you naturally hide or the part of you that you overthink when you're with strangers.

When they're next to you, nothing can feel bad, you don't fixate on any issues, you can just allow yourself to feel safe, and at ease. They bring you a sense of security you didn't know was possible, you want to hold onto them, be next to them, and you can't help but smile, can't help but be open, optimistic, and can't help but be unafraid to take on any task you can ever think of (especially if there are more Jupiter synastry aspects between you two).

Any anxiety somehow vanishes, you're not worried, you can't feel worry, you're not second guessing anything, and you don't have these wavering thoughts, and there's no what ifs, you're in the moment, you feel present, and nothing else matters. You allow yourself to feel at home within because they bring you this sense of comfortability that you've never felt before.

They become this key with unlocking the side of your personality that you hide towards anyone else that you don't share a close connection too.

And for someone with a Scorpio Moon/active 12th House, this feels new for me. Comfortability and serene feelings are both things I search for. I genuinely don't show anyone my true feelings or thoughts, I always wear a mask with everyone I meet. So with that, I want to feel calm, and safe, so because of that I believe that what's this synastry is hitting in me, but if you don't have a disorganized attachment style (or maybe even Scorpio placements) like me, the feelings within might be different.

#astrology #astro #astrology notes #4th house #4th house synastry #4thhouseoverlays #ic #ic synastry #venus in partners 4th house #sun in partners 4th house #venus conjunct ic #mercury conjunct ic #synastry #astro observations #4h synastry #moon conjunct neptune #sun conjunct jupiter #ic 4th house #astrology synastry

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portaltothevoid · 3 months

Text

you're losing me part xii

ao3 link

warnings: blood, ceremonial palm slicing, summoning ritual based off a real invoking ritual, google translated latin, secondo being a softie, angst

word count: 5.2k

The feeling of your shoulder being gently shook pulled you from a restful sleep that was cut too soon, making you groan as you rolled over onto your stomach.

“You can’t keep hiding from everyone forever, amore,” Copia’s soft-spoken voice sounded.

“I'm not hiding. I'm sleeping,” you mumbled into your pillow.

You felt the covers be pulled off of you, which elicited another groan of discontent from you. “We need to make an appearance at breakfast, you especially.”

“Says who?”

“Sister Imperator…” there was a slight hesitation in his voice when he said her name. You rolled your eyes, which were thankfully obscured by the pillow. “But I say you need to eat. You need your energy for the summoning ritual.”

“Aren’t you supposed to fast before?” You turned your head to face him, raising an eyebrow.

“Eh, well, usually, but it’s not a requirement. I think given your, um, status with The Infernals you’ll be able to cut some corners.”

“You know what also gives you energy? Sleep,” you stressed as you took the pillow out from under you and put it over your head.

After an exasperated huff, the bed dipped beside you and you felt the feather light touch of fingers tracing patterns on your bare back. “This will be over soon… but you’re going to step into a very prominent role. It’s best to start now, dispel the rumors…” his voice trailed off as he started to trace your birthmark resembling Lilith’s sigil.

“Fine. Alright,” you said begrudgingly as you tossed the pillow aside and rolled out of bed. This movement disguised the zap you felt when he touched the mark with his bare fingertips, which made you flinch away from him.

Copia was visiting with Cannoli when you finally emerged fully clad in your habit and veil. It didn’t go unnoticed the way he looked you up and down, biting his bottom lip just enough for it to be apparent. “Come on, don’t want to be any later than we already are,” you said almost patronizingly as you glided towards the door. He shook his head as he closed the cage and followed.

Swiss was beaming at you as soon as you opened the door. He bowed theatrically, holding out his arm for you to lead the way. You giggled quietly as you passed and, of course, you couldn’t help patting him on the head as you did so. Is a formal escort really necessary? It’s just breakfast… you thought to him.

Formality per request of Lady Lilith, he responded with a shrug.

“Of course it is,” you grumbled audibly. Copia gave you a look like he missed something and you just shook your head, making off like it was nothing. Instinct made you feel a need to keep your cards close.

As you rounded the corner of the hall leading to the cafeteria, he took your hand in his. It did provide you with some sense of comfort, but your stomach dropped the moment you were in front of the door, frozen in place.

Giving your hand a squeeze, he reassured you with “It’s going to be okay, cara. The only ones you have to deal with will be the ones at our table, hm?”

You could feel your shoulders tense as you quickly shook your head. “No, I can’t… I can’t deal with everyone’s eyes on me right now. I just…”

His shoulders slumped from the weight of his sympathy towards your stress. He moved to stand in front of you, his hand titled your head down as he kissed you softly on the top of it. “Amore mio, I’m afraid this is something you’re going to have to get used to. After the ascension, everyone will hold you in high regard. All eyes will be on you, eh, so what?” He waved his hand dismissively at that thought. “It’s not like you haven’t been through this before. You go in there–”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you cut him off, your voice sharp.

“You’ve gone in there before with your head held high when everyone was whispering about what Terzo was doing behind your back. Really, this is no different.”

Never mind being anxious, now you were pissed. You didn’t even have to close your eyes to adjust them; your anger alone darkened your eyes blacker than his leather gloves. Before Copia could back away from you, you swatted his arm so he was no longer touching you. The instant you stepped away from him, Swiss was holding the door open. Your head was held high as you strode into the dining hall. As you passed through the threshold, you made sure your eyes returned to normal.

Swiss, could you please get me a plate of… whatever? You asked the ghoul following confidently behind you. Just make sure there’s those tater tots, I don’t care what else.

Comin’ right up, Your Eminence, he nodded before darting over to the food.

Every single eye was on you as you made your way to the head clergy table. A hush fell over everyone when you didn’t even hesitate to sit in what was still Terzo’s seat at the center of the table.

Sister Imperator cleared her throat as she leaned over, speaking in a hushed tone, “You should sit in your usual seat. Copia will take that one in Terzo’s absence.”

Slowly, you turned your head towards her. Since it was now becoming second nature to you with every time you revealed the Infernal part of you, with a rapid blink, your eyes went dark as you regarded her with a curt smile. “No, Sister, I think I will stay right here.” Your eyebrows raised, asking her to challenge you in this state. She knew better. With human-looking eyes, you turned to see Copia almost at the table. It wasn’t lost on you that him and his… mother… exchanged a cautious look with each other.

As Copia sat down in the seat next to you, your former usual seat, Swiss returned, gently placing your food in front of you. “Thank you, Swiss,” you said to him so that everyone could hear.

“Of course, Your Eminence,” he responded. Heads within earshot turned, some having never heard a ghoul speak before or knew that they even could.

“Eh, Ghoul, would you mind–” Copia started to ask before you interrupted him again.

“Ah, ah, ah,” you tutted. “You do not get to command my Ghouls. Swiss, would you be so kind as to get the Cardinal a plate as well?” You smiled at Swiss, but it faded as you turned your attention back to Copia. “And given your impending status update, you might do well to also learn their nicknames.”

The ghoul nodded and set off as Copia turned to you, “What’s gotten into you? My intention was not to upset you!” he hissed.

“Oh, really? Then, what, pray tell, was your intention? That was a low fucking blow and you know it,” you berated. “Besides, you said it yourself. I better get used to all eyes on me, might as well give them all something to look at.”

“It’s not time yet… you aren’t—”

“I don’t give a fuck about timing. The first ritual is happening later today. The others soon to follow. They don’t know exactly what’s going on. This will just keep their minds occupied for the time being. Let them talk about me instead of whose bed I’m in for once.” Copia’s comment just before you entered the dining hall set off something inside you. It transmuted your anxiety to a defensive determination. He was right in the sense of all eyes being on you. While the last time you held up a confident façade due to a sense of duty, this time it was you who held the power – whether everyone knew it or not. This wasn’t about saving face for the sake of the papacy.

The relationship Copia had with Sister Imperator was clear to you now. A rift was forming right before your eyes. The more you felt backed into a corner, the more you bared your teeth.

“No one can know about Terzo yet,” he responded, his jaw clenched.

“And they don’t. He’s away, doing the last Meliora shows. That’s all they know. They know something is up with me. With how my relationship with him was… it makes sense. They don’t know the details. It’s fine.” You rolled your eyes with a dismissive wave of your own.

After that, Copia let it go. Swiss returned with his food soon thereafter. After a mumbled thanks, the ghoul stood at the end of the table. Just as you were finishing your food, popping one last tater tot in your mouth, Secondo passed behind you.

“I’d like to see you in my office –no rush– when you’re done. We can go over the ritual and get you up to speed.”

“I’m done,” you said, quickly blotting your mouth with a napkin.

As you stood, Secondo helped pull your chair out for you. “Perfetto,” he nodded with a slight hint of a tight-lipped smile on his face. His eyes darted between you and Copia, who wouldn’t look up from his plate. The tension at the table was palpable. “Andiamo.” Secondo motioned you forward and you left without a single glance back.

Sister Imperator pursed her lips as she watched you leave with Secondo. “You told her, didn’t you?” She said bluntly, only turning to glare at Copia when the door to the cafeteria shut.

“She made it clear they ended things. I didn’t want to keep her in the dark like he did,” Copia mumbled. His shoulders slumped. He was acting like a guilty dog with its tail between its legs.

“Oh, C, come on. You know full well that can’t just end overnight. She is going to choose you, right?”

“Sì.”

“Then for the love of all things unholy, stop sulking and start acting victorious. Thanks to the help of this little prophecy we have all the pieces falling neatly into place now.”

Your one on one interactions with Secondo had always been brief; however, despite their brevity, you always saw a softness in his eyes when it came to you. As your role with the Emeritus brothers became more and more prominent overtime, he regarded you with respect being the one who was almost able to tame Terzo. As that relationship went on, he made sure to extend his sympathy towards your situation. He often would make it known to you whenever you needed advice or to talk, he was always willing to lend an ear. You never could figure out why he always presented himself to be so gruff and closed off, when to you he always felt like the older brother you never knew you needed.

Secondo shuffled papers on his desk, getting things ready. Your shoulders finally returned to a more comfortable posture as they dropped away from your ears. You allowed yourself to relax just a little now that you were away from Copia and Imperator. “Have you ever seen an invoking ritual, cara?”

“No,” you shook your head. “But I’ve heard stories from Terzo.”

“Hm. Well, I know you haven’t fasted, but have you been celibate in at least the last twenty-four hours?”

“Um… no…”

He let out a chuckle, warmth of the tone strong enough to heat the cool bite of his office. “Honestly, I don’t think that will be a problem for you. The purpose of that is to keep the mind clear for the Magus. This, however, isn’t our typical Ghoul summoning…”

“Because it’s for me?”

He nodded, humming in agreement. “Primo and I will be doing the grunt-work of the ritual. He’ll be the one reciting the incantations and wearing the necessary tools and I will work on opening the doorway between realms.” His eyes scanned over what appeared to be notes. The more he divulged about the first ritual, the more you felt a calming comfort settle over you with the knowledge that Primo and Secondo were spearheading this. “Essentially you’ll be in a trance-like state, calling out to your Ghoul, as you lay within the magic circle. When you see them and they speak to you and you both agree to bond, that is when they will materialize in the triangle.” He set the papers down and looked directly at you now. The importance of the tasks at hand hardening his features to emphasize the seriousness of it all. “From there, you will ceremoniously form a blood bond with your Ghoul and the first ritual of ascension will be completed.”

You nodded. “They make it sound so… taxing.”

“It can be, depending on the person. I doubt it will be for you.”

You tried to bite back a huge smile. Currently, all the Ghouls respected you, looked up to you, and were connected to you, but to have a Ghoul of your very own, one that was bound to you… You could feel the excitement starting to bubble up inside you. “So, when do we do this?”

“We begin at dusk, but you have some preparations that have to be done beforehand.”

“Such as?”

“Such as cleansing with asafoetida oil. Lighting a candle, nothing fancy. A chime candle will work as an offering to ask Lilith to send you a protector, one who will watch over you, and become attuned to you.” Again, you nod, but your eyes are staring off into nothing. Regardless of your excitement, there was nothing you could do to keep your thoughts from drifting back to Terzo. “You seemed worried, cara. I can assure you, I’ve heard of your natural magical abilities, this will be a walk in the–”

You cut him off. “It’s not about the ritual. Do you know about Terzo? What’s going to happen?”

Usually he kept a mask of indifference on. You knew full well it was a mask, but you noted how his eyes shimmered with a flash of worry, in spite of the way he rolled his eyes with a huff. “Sister has been on a strict need-to-know-basis policy lately and has deemed that I do not need to know.”

“They’re revoking his title and they’re doing it publicly,” you blurted out. “After his final show, we’ll be without a Papa.”

His face dropped. He’d rarely admit it, but he did care deeply about his brothers. “That’s going to destroy him…” He sighed, running a hand over his head. “I knew his time as Papa was coming to an end soon. I was able to pass down the torch to him, but this time… is there even anyone lined up to be the next Papa?”

“Not officially, but Sister has her eyes on who it will be. They’re going to ‘elect’ someone to fill in. I think she just needs Nihil’s approval. I’m guessing the change will be to get the people used to him, see how he does. Then they can make it a grandiose spectacle for when he ‘ascends.’” You pursed your lips.

“And you aren’t happy about this… Why is that?”

“Have you ever had to make a choice that was the exact opposite of what you want, but you know what you want doesn’t matter in the slightest towards the big picture?” His eyes closed for a moment, before he looked at you. In the few years you’ve known him, you couldn’t ever recall seeing him look sad. As you inhaled a shuddering breath, you looked away from him. All you wanted was for someone to empathize with you, to just acknowledge everything you were going through right now was, for lack of a better term, hell.

“Satanas doesn’t give–”

“Please, don’t say He gives the toughest battles to his bravest soliders.”

“But He does, cara. You are being put to the test. This task, this… burden… It takes immense strength to carry its weight and they deemed you worthy of it.”

“Well, they’re wrong, because I’m not.” Crossing your arms over your chest, you shifted uncomfortably, avoiding having to look at the former Papa in front of you.

“Now you sound like il mio fratellino,” he laughed softly. “I know you are. Copia, no matter how unhappy you might be with him right now, he knows you are. He’s always known. And Terzo. He’d be the first in line to tell the world how you were not only born for this, but why you deserve this.”

“But why do I have to sacrifice everything? Why can’t I just be… happy? Is that too much to ask?”

“Tours last a long time, as you know, cara mia,” he winked, which you couldn’t help but chuckle at. “Believe it or not, there are ways to keep things in these halls a secret if both parties are willing.”

Although it was rare, the times you seeked counsel from Secondo, it was always just what you needed to hear. It took a while for him to warm up to you, but when he did, he treated you as he would his own: with a kind and caring heart. It was there, just buried under layers of dirt that his emotionally stunted father and the politics of the Ministry piled on top of it. When you finally looked up at him and saw the smirk that lifted his once stoic features. “Prophecies don’t come with fine print, only blanket statements. There’s nothing that says you can’t have it all. You just have to be very clever and cunning about it. Besides, what’s the point of praising and practicing carnal desire if we don’t acknowledge its importance and act on it every now and again?” He smirked knowingly at you, before adding in a playful, but stern tone, “And, so we’re clear, as far as I’m concerned, the only thing we’ve discussed here is tonight’s ritual.”

Ghouls stood guard outside the doors of the church. As they opened the doors for you, you could feel their infectious excitement radiating off them.

As you confidently made your way to the pulpit, Secondo was rolling out a carpet in its center. Primo had just finished lighting the plethora of black candles that lit up the whole church.

“Ah, the woman of the hour has arrived!” Primo greeted with a giant smile.

You flashed him a smile of your own as you walked over to inspect the carpet Secondo was now placing candelabras on in specially marked spots. “Magic circle?” you inquired.

“Sì. Its proper name is The Magical Circle of King Solomon,” he nodded. You walked around it, admiring the intricate writings and arcane symbols inside the circle.

Primo moved to the massive cedar chest that was always tucked against the wall. You’d noticed it before, but never thought much of it. Now you understood its importance was for rituals such as these. Out of it, he grabbed two white robes, handing one to Secondo. After they each put it on over their suits, Primo put on a sort of leather apron with an ornate six pointed star on it.

“What’s that?” you whispered to Secondo.

“The Hexagram of Solomon. If something goes wrong and an unruly spirit is conjured instead, it helps make it more obedient. Next will be the hazel wand and the sword,” he informed you with a hushed tone. “The metal disc he has in his hand, the lamens of the spirits, has the sigil we created for the Ghouls on one side and the pentagram of Solomon on the back.”

The doors opened, you turned to see Copia walking down the aisle with a brass box and Sister Imperator at his side. Like a lifeline, you focused on the excitement you could still sense from the Ghouls. Nothing was going to distract you. “Copia is bringing us the brass vessel. Inside is a special incense we made, used only for Ghoul summoning. He’s going to put in on the triangle that I placed at the top of the circle. This is where your Ghoul will materialize,” he informed as he put a hand on the small of your back to guide you to the top of the circle, near the triangle. “Come now, since this is going to be your Ghoul, you must seal the vessel and consecrate the incense.”

Primo was busy wrapping what looked like the skin of a cat around his waist, almost like a belt. He looked in time to see your curious and skeptical look. “This represents the lion skin. It enhances our magic. It’s not an actual lion, of course,” he chuckled. “A sibling found a cat who had been hit by a car. She tried to save it, bringing it to the infirmary, but it didn’t make it. It might have met an untimely end, but we made use of it so its death was not in vain.”

You nodded, turning your attention to Secondo and Copia in front of you. Copia held out a small ceremonial dagger. For a beat or two, your eyes looked between Copia’s and the dagger in his hand. “Oh. Of course. Sealing and consecrating with blood,” you said nervously as you took the dagger.

“Just puncture the tip of your finger. Let the drops fall onto the incense,” Copia instructed as he opened the brass vessel. You knew by the gentleness of his voice, he was treading with the utmost caution around you.

You did as he said, letting drops of your blood fall into the vessel. “Perfetto,” he complimented as he lit the incense and put the lid back on. “Now, draw the elements of the Ghouls on the lid.”

Giving your finger a squeeze to draw out more blood, you bent down and drew each symbol that represented the types of powers and abilities each Ghoul possessed: earth, water, fire, air, and quintessence.

Secondo held his hand out, indicating you move to the table in front of the triangle. “Now, the offerings to the elements. All you have to do is say ‘I present [whatever the offering is] to the element of…’ while raising the object above your head. The water has been blessed for this.”

“I present soil to the element of Earth,” you said in a commanding tone as you held a bowl of soil up. “I present this blessed unholy water to the element of Water. I present this flame to the element of Fire,” you said as you set fire to twigs and leaves in a small cauldron. Carefully, you rose it above you before gently setting it back down. Next, you grabbed incense, lit it and let the smoke billow above you for a brief moment. “I present this smoke to the element of Air.” With the final offering, you took a deep breath to keep your serious demeanor. “I present this cannabis bud to the element of Quintessence.” You bowed at the altar of elements before you returned to stand near the magic circle.

Secondo was holding a small water basin. Even though he was retired, it was his duty as a former Papa to rub the unholy water onto your temples while saying a prayer of protection to Lilith and Lucifer. Next, he anointed you with oil by drawing the grucifix on your forehead. The scent of the oil with its blend of earthy, sweet, and spicy notes, reminiscent of dragon’s blood, provided you with a familiar comfort

In the meantime, Primo had placed a black box near the triangle as well as two jars, one filled with sulfur and one of asafoetida, he later informed you. They were mainly precautionary measures should things go awry for whatever reason. He opened a necklace box and held it out to Secondo who took the necklace out. It was gold and had an intricate ring on it.

After saying a prayer with it clasped between his hands, he placed it around your neck. “This will protect you. Are you ready?” Secondo asked softly. When you nodded, he directed you to sit in the center of the circle. Copia bowed his head and gave you a nod as he passed by to sit next to Sister Imperator in the first pew behind you.

For the first time, Sister Imperator spoke up. “And now it’s time. The sun has set. I’m happy it’s you three that are here to perform and oversee this summoning. With Terzo away, things will go smoothly, I’m sure.”

That bitch. You started to turn your head to glare at her, but quickly snapped your head forward when you decided against it. You had to let it go. You knew where she stood and there was nothing you could do to change it. After a deep breath, your attention returned to the ritual.

“Cominciamo (let’s begin),” Secondo said after clearing his throat. Him and Primo moved to stand either side of you just outside the circle. This was the part where you would enter the trance-like state. To do this, you focused on the smell of the incense wafting towards you and the incantations Primo and Secondo were reciting. You had already prayed to Lilith to bestow you with a Ghoul that would know your needs, be attuned to your emotions, understand you, fight for you, protect you… You repeated the mantra you created over and over in your head until the sounds of your world faded away.

Opening your eyes, you saw a black mist hovering over the triangle. Slowly it morphed into an outline of a humanoid shape. You could see its talon-like nails, the horns protruding out of its head, and its tail swishing. The tension started to leave your body the more the Ghoul materialized.

A smile of pure happiness broke out on your face. “Hello, my Ghoul.” You got up to stand in front of it. Actually, stand in front of him. He was becoming less of an apparition and you could clearly see his features.

When you held out your hand, the Ghoul cocked his head to the side curiously. “Your hand,” you said. With a nod, he took your hand in his. In that instant, you felt his whole essence. It was as if he had been with you your entire life and perhaps he had always been watching over you. You could sense his abilities and the energy that swirled around you. “You’re a quintessence Ghoul, aren’t you?” you realized happily. He nodded.

The Ghoul, still holding your hand, bent down on one knee and bowed his head. “Lady Lilith has sent me to serve you, Your Eminence. Our souls have always been tethered. Should you choose to bond to me, they will become tethered on the mortal plane.” For the first time, he looked up at you and into your pitch black eyes.

“Yes. I will be bound to you.”

With that, your whole body jolted as you returned to it. You were still in a sitting position. Secondo and Primo’s voices faded in until they stopped as a flash of light lit up the whole church.

Immediately, you ran to the Ghoul that was curled in the fetal position around the brass vessel. You moved it out of the way and cradled his head, taking it in your lap as you soothingly rubbed his arm. “Does anyone have anything to cover him up?” you asked.

Secondo rushed to get a robe that was hanging in a closet near the pulpit. Primo was then standing over you with the dagger in his hand. “You must complete the bond. Blood is binding on this plane.”

You nodded as you took the knife. “In a moment, he needs to adjust.” Primo eyed you curiously as you said that. This truly was unlike any Ghoul summoning he had ever experienced. Never had one been completed so quickly.

When Secondo returned, you took the black robe and helped put it on your Ghoul. Once he wrapped himself in it, he sat up.

“Ready?” you asked. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this happy, this complete.

He nodded, slowly standing up with your gentle assistance. Naturally, you led him over the Elemental Altar. Of course you would know exactly where to go to do the blood binding, yet everyone still watched with their mouths slightly agape.

You guided your Ghoul to one end of the small table. Stand there, you instructed. Quickly you glided to your side of the table. You’re going to copy me, okay? You told him as you sliced your palm with the dagger. Palm down, you held your hand out over the table, passing him the dagger. He repeated your actions, slicing the opposite hand you did and set down the knife when he was done. Holding out his hand, with his palm down, you both then circled your hand over the offerings, letting your blood drip over them.

Do you wish to bond with me? You asked him formally.

I do. He responded. You noticed him trying to fight the smile that wanted to tug at the corners of his mouth. Do you wish to bond with me? He asked you.

I do. Once you smiled, so did he. With that your hands joined together.

Secondo had walked over with a black and red braided satin tie. “Did you ask…” he started to ask you very quietly. You nodded. “Right. Va bene. The Ministry of Satan hereby acknowledges this woman and Ghoul to be bonded until her soul no longer resides on this mortal plane,” he said as he tied the tie over your joined hands. When he was finished, he raised both of your now tied hands to the sky. “Ita sit, ita est (so be it, so it is)!” he exclaimed.

Once you were untied, you ran over to your Ghoul and embraced him in a strong hug, which he returned. Both of your bodies swayed together for a few moments. “Come on, let’s go get your outfit fitted and you can meet the other Ghouls,” you said as you started to lead him by the hand out of the church. “Don’t wait up for me,” you called to Copia over your shoulder.

The doors to the church opened and the Ghouls that were on guard duty tackled their newest addition. “Brother!!” Swiss cried out as he saw your Ghoul and crushed him in a giant hug. Clearly they had a bond of their own. You were glowing, beaming with happiness. Together, you were brought to the Ghoul’s quarters, which was commonly referred to as the Ghoul Den.

Swiss led you both to the fitting room for new Ghouls. Once he was dressed in his black pants and black button down shirt and handed his silver mask, you went back to their common area where all the Ghouls were crowded in.

“Everyone,” you addressed all the Ghouls, “my apologies for this being my first visit to see you all, but I would love it, for those of you that haven’t yet, if you could give our newest Ghoul a warm welcome. I present to you, Phantom.”

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part xi | part xiii

#the band ghost #you’re losing me #cardinal copia #cardinal copia x reader #cardinal copia x female reader #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iii x reader #the band ghost fic #copia x reader #copia x female reader #ghost the band #ghost bc #the band ghost fanfiction

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