Don't try to understand, To seek the end, Just be by my side, Take my hand, this is a wild ride, Into the neverland... Love is a journey or Welcome Alice .:. . O
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Grace.
Firstly I would like to begin this note with a wave of gratitude for the expansion of my intelligence, that is allowing me to understand how to use awareness to be a better person.
I am living timelessly, immersing in the natural beauty and kindness of this magical island Bali.Yes every now and then, I am mellowed by loneliness, but within my awareness I realize that that feeling is temporary and kindly I remind myself that I need to be here by myself, in order to understand myself better.
The presence of the simple magical coincidences assures me that I am at the right place at the right time. That this is where I need to be right this very moment, I have never felt so right and grounded than right now.
It has been a long held dream of mine, to check myself into yoga and mediation. I have ached to understand and receive genuine teachings of yoga. Back on the island where I was born, I did attempt several classes of yoga. I would surrender myself with a lot of humbled discipline to allow myself to feel good, to understand my body better, I would surrender in order to make peace with the constant chatter of the mind that I observed. I would attend daily, and punctually without fail, but then the yogis, forgive me for saying this rather the instructors at home, they do it solely for commercial purposes, and rather than feeling happy with my body I step out of the mat feeling rather demotivated, and under performed, as to those teachers it was only about being able to perform those poses no matter what cost or time. Little did they know that every individual, takes their own time, and yoga is more than an exercise. It is a process , a practice, a journey into yourself is the least I understood of it.
Whenever I have turned to yoga it was for peace. Whenever my life turned upside down, that is when I have returned back to the mat, however insincere a teacher at hand was at that time. I was grateful to feel better each time.
My yearning to deepen my understanding for yoga and guided meditation increased, and I searched for retreats and ashrams to surrender myself into. Every vacation I collected during the time I worked I have always opted to check into an ashram. But pre planing sometimes has its own way of going south. Sometimes there are few stops and turns you need to make in order to get back on that track you have manifested for yourself.
Finally I have arrived at the source, where I am at peace, where I am receiving the guidance my soul ever cried for. Here my practices of yoga begins and ends with gratitude. Here I can be happy in any pose, stretching at any length without outside pressure, and only my breath being the complete guidance to move freely in any asana. This is where I am allowing myself to grow, and heal gradually. Thank you, for creatively placing me in this present moment.
Why did I chose to give thanks to the expansion of my intelligence at the beginning of this note?
Because within my awareness I perceived the behavior of my mind. Its unkind voices, the self absorption that whispered “I don’t like your color, I don’t like your nose, how does my eyes look?” The constant fretting about my appearance, was restraining me from the totality of embracing myself, it was getting in the way of my being to completely indulge in enjoying the present moment. The unkind self absorption was interfering with my acceptance of my spirit.
Now that I was aware of this pattern, I had two choices. Do I continue to listen to them and feel misery and ignore the bliss that surrounds me or rather do I choose to rise above them thoughts?
There it was in my awareness I felt : Rise above the thoughts.
The simple coincidences which I believe are cosmic unfolding were larger than life for me to remain a prisoner of my own self destructive thoughts. The empty spaces that I feel the vibrations of love, has chosen to heal me.
Thus, I began speaking to myself. Firstly I began by forgiving those thoughts. Consciously I replaced ‘you’ with ‘I’. I allowed myself to let go of the unkind thoughts and encourage healthy and beautiful thoughts. I allowed myself to accept and feel the beauty of my natural being, I expressed my gratitude to the creator for letting me have all my senses working healthily, I gave thanks for the softness of my skin and the color. I allowed myself to see my own beauty without comparison to another. I allowed my spirit to dance freely in the temple,my body. I began to welcome kind thoughts, thoughts of acceptance and letting go. Almost immediately I began to feel the healing. The pressure in my head lightened, the need to constantly look good, the insecurities began to fade replaced by the feeling of acceptance cascading into my true being, as how I am.
Note to the self. As good as I am feeling right now. I must understand that everything is a practice. Therefore the same manner I give my grace in the morning and night. Understand that cultivating healthy self talk is also a practice that needs to be entertained daily.
I am grateful to be here, I am grateful to receive abundance of guidance. I am grateful to be surrounded by your kindness. I am grateful to be healthy and brave to live the life I have dreamt for myself.
Thank You
Me.
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