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#mj being the girl who's easy-going and treats life like a party
sciderman · 3 months
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amazing spider-man (1963) #69
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raineydays411 · 3 years
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The best of friends
Peter Parker x Stark! reader
A/n: Hello! So this time the reader is going to be black! If y’all wanna like...request for a reader to be an ethnicity or race you can, I’ll do my best to write for it 💕
Summary: Peter Parker is your best friend. In fact he’s one of your only friends. So it’s needless to say things get a little complicated when you fall in love with him and he’s in love with another girl. 
Warning ⚠️: Oblivious Peter, sad reader, love triangles
This fic was inspired by @cherrytholland and their silence series, YALL need to check it out!
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You never had many friends. It’s alway been that way, ever since you remembered. 
Being a Stark meant that you were constantly in danger, especially after your dad became Iron Man. So you were homeschooled. It was pretty easy, ever since the Avengers moved in, Bruce and Tony took turns teaching you everything you needed to know. So there was no need for you to go to school.
But you were lonely. Yes, you were surrounded by the team, but they were all so much older than you. Wanda and Pietro were the only ones closest to your age not only were they still way older than you, they hated your dad for a long time so there was a small tension there. 
You spent time with your dad, hell he was your best friend, but a girl can only spend so much time with her father. Bruce was too scared to hang out with you. Steve treated you like a toddler. Sam and Bucky were fun to be with but then Steve will join and then they all act as if you’re a baby. Natasha is great to go to for advice but she rarely had time to talk with you, Clint was a whole father. And Thor, he was hardly on earth. 
That's when Peter Parker came into your life. He was the first person on the team who was your age. You and he quickly became friends, bonding over your shared interests in Star Wars and being the youngest in the Avengers HQ. 
When you first met him, you were really shy. As said before, you rarely had the chance to talk to anyone your age. If you did, it was most likely the child of another business owner at some fancy party. So becoming friends with Peter was definitely an experience. You remember the day you two became friends.
**Flashback**
You really weren’t expecting to meet Peter. Hell, you didn’t even know that he was supposed to be coming over. So,when you walked into the common room, wearing someone else’s tee shirt and a bonnet, you were shocked to see a boy next to your dad staring at you.
“Oh, Y/n! I may have forgotten to mention I was showing Peter around...” Tony said as he noticed you were sort of unprepared for a visitor.
“ yeah that would have been good to know” you say glaring at your father.
“Well then, Peter this is my daughter Y/n, Y/n this is Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man”
“H-hi! It’s nice to meet you!” Peter stuttered as he put out his hand. You smiled shyly as you took it
“It’s nice to meet you too” you said quietly, taking your hand back and looking at the floor. An awkward silence fell upon you three. Then Tony cleared his throat
“I’m gonna ignore that little awkward thing. Y/n!” He looks at you with a gleam in his eye, “Maybe you can show the kid around, it would be nice if you knew someone your age.”
“DAD!” You shout, embarrassed he basically set you up on a play date, “ I talk people my own age!”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “ Talking to those Gothamites during galas doesn’t count.”
“We follow each other on Instagram!”
“Wow, that’s the pinnacle of friendship.” Tony replied sarcastically, “ show the kid around.” 
You sigh as you turn to Peter, who was standing a few feet away awkwardly listening to you and your dad squabble.
“ Alright web head, let’s go”
He looks at Tony, slightly fearful. But Tony only smiles and says, “ Aw a nickname, see Peter she does like you.” Then walks away, leaving you two alone.
Flashback ends ****
Who knew that from that awkward interaction, a beautiful friendship would blossom??
From then on, you and Peter were practically attached by the hip. Every day after patrol, Peter would come over and hang out with you. Whether you’re watching movies, playing video games, or cranking the other Avengers, you and Peter could always be found together. He truly became your one best friend.
Until it became more.
The light hugs he’d give you when he first saw you started to linger, you both sat closer when you were watching movies (practically cuddling), he’d fall asleep on you lap when you stroked his hair.
All this but you both still held on to the notion that you just friends. Well, Peter did.
You were really unexperienced when it came to stuff like this.  This was the first time you ever had a friend, let alone have a crush. It was easier for you to ignore these intimate moments and cling onto the idea that it was just platonic. And you did, up until your dad had the wonderful idea to invite Peters class on a tour of the Tower.
At first you really didn’t have an opinion.
If anything, you were indifferent to the idea of your home being swarmed by teenagers. It didn’t help that Steve convinced your dad that you should be present during the tour. Claiming that “ it’d be good for her to meet more kids her age instead of just Peter.”
Honestly, you had other friends! They just lived in a different city and you rarely talked.
But there you were, standing beside Bucky as your dad went on about the compound and all the nerdy science stuff. You weren’t really paying attention, you had some AirPods in. It wasn’t until Bucky nudged you when you realized that your dad was calling you.
“ Come on up kiddo” he said giving you that Dad™️ stare.
You grin at him, then glare at Bucky as he snickers into his shoulder. You make your way up to where your dad is in the front of the crowd.
“ What am I supposed to be doing” you whisper to your dad. He rolls his eyes and whispers back “ Introduction and answer some questions”
You gulp, you were always good at public speaking . You were a Stark, of course you were. But introducing yourself to your fathers business partners and introducing yourself to your peers was two different things. You eyed the crowd trying to find Peter, you found him next to a chubby boy with an awestruck look on his face and a rather pretty girl who looked like she’d rather be anywhere but here. When you made eye contact with him, he smiled and threw you a thumbs up.
That simple gesture give you all the confidence you needed to introduce yourself
“ Hi, I’m Y/n Stark. I’m seventeen years old and I live here with my dad and the team. Obviously” you say, a slight smile on your face. “ I guess I have to answer questions. But I’m not sure cause I wasn’t paying attention”
The group laughs and a few hands raise, the questions are basic “ what’s it like living with avengers?” “ Where do you go to school?” “Are you single?” Etc etc. After answering, the rest of the team introduced themselves and then split the kids into groups for the tour. You looked for the group Peter was in, finally finding him in Sam and Bucky group. You sneak away from your fathers side and skip up behind the duo. You watch them bicker over where to take their group.
“ What about the gym ?” You say, startling the two men.
“Jesus!!” “Shit!!”
You laugh, watching them dramatically clench their chest. “You’d think as highly trained soldiers you’d be more aware of your surroundings.”
“ haha.” Sam says, “ just for that you’re not allowed to be part of our group”
“ I’ll just find a way to sneak in.” You say with a grin. They roll their eyes and lead the group to the gym. You stay in place as you wait for Peter to walk by. As he does you saddle up next to him.
“Hey web slinger” you whisper in his ear. He jumps at your voice.
“Y/n??!” His voice cracks, “ don’t do that!!”
“Aw come on Pete!” You laugh, “ don’t be such a wuss!”
Then the boy next to him turns, The awestruck look back on his face
“ Your..your Y/n Stark ” he says wide eyed. You smile shyly as you turn to him, remembering where you were.
“ hi, you must be Ned. Peters told me a lot about you” you say in a low voice.
“ Peter talks to you about me” he says in a surprised voice.
“Yeah! It’s really awesome to finally meet you.” 
“ Are you two coming?” Another voice chimes in. You turn to see the pretty girl with a bored expression.
“ Oh, hey” she says noticing you, “ I’m Michelle Jones, but just call me MJ”
“Y/n Stark” you say with a smile. She nods at you and then turns to Peter and Ned.
“ Come on you two, Liz is asking where you are”
“ Liz is asking about me??” Peter says, his face turning red, “ what did she say? Did she mention my name?!”
You watch him in confusion. He never acted like this except when Natasha called him handsome that one time. Then again, if Natasha called you pretty you’d freak out as well.
MJ rolls her eyes and ignored his questions, “ So you live here?” She asks you. Her question startled you as you weren’t expecting to be talked to.
“ Ye-yeah. I’ve been with my dad since I was about two.” You stuttered.
“That’s cool!! What about your mom?” Ned asks.
You smile sadly, “ I don’t know, she’s not around much.” Sensing your sadness, Peter wrapped in arm around you.
“ Cone on guys, quit it with the questions.”
Ned looks at you apologetic and Mj looks away. Then a pretty girl walks up to your group.
“ There you are. Come on you guys, you’re not supposed to split from the group.”
Peter pulls his arm back immediately at her presence. His eyes glaze over as he looks at her with a gaze you can only describe as dreamy.
“He-hey!! Sorry Liz, guess we lost track of time..heh” He rubs the back of his neck as his face turns red. His body tensed up in anxiety but at the same time is slouched. He has a goofy grin that you’ve never ever seen before.
Seeing Peter act so differently around this girl made you feel weird. Your hands were sweaty and your chest filled with anxiety. You felt cold and hit at the same time. There was a sick feeling in your stomach.
“Are you okay?” Mj asked looking at you in concerned.
You were frowning. Ned looked at you with wide eyes “ I’m sorry about mentioning your mom! I really didn’t mean to upset you.” 
You turn to him and smile at his concern for you. “ Don’t worry about it, you didn’t know” you frown again looking at Peter walking with Liz, “ Soo, who’s that?”
“ Oh that’s Liz Allen. Peters been in love with her since like freshman year”
Your heart drops and that sick feelings return. “ Oh really?”
“Yeah, I am surprised you don’t know who that is Peter hasn’t stopped yapping about hersince freshman year.” MJ says rolling her eyes.
“ Peters never mentioned her. Just Ned and you.” You say. MJ hums at that.
“ Thats funny, Peter doesn’t talk about his internship too much. we didn’t even know you two were friends until today.”
Well, if you weren’t hurt before, now you were in absolute pain.
“Oh..really?” You ask, “ it’s probably because I hardly leave the HQ. Peter is the first friend I have here in the city.” You tried to reason, but you didn’t even convince yourself.
Ned and MJ look at you in shock, but before they can say anything Peter comes back to the group.
“ Hey guys! Liz just agreed to hangout with us this weekend!” He says to Ned and MJ, his back turned to you. You’re shocked because you were supposed to go shopping with Peter this weekend.
“ Since when were we hanging out this weekend??”  Mj asks confused with the sudden plans.
“ well...Liz was supposed to go shopping with her friends but they have plans this weekend, and she was really bummed out about it so I said she can hang out with us...” he says quickly.
“ but I thought we were going shopping..” you finally say. Peter jumps and looks at you as if he’s realizing you were there.
“ Oh crap! Y/n I’m so sorry! I completely got caught up with everything!” He apologizes, “ Hey! Why don’t you come with us! You can get to know Ned and MJ some more, and Mr. Stark and Cap will get off your back about talking to people your age”
“ That sound fun!” Ned exclaimed
“ I guess I have nothing better to do” Mj says
You want to decline at first, upset that he forgot about the plans he made with you and you didn’t really want to see him flirt with Liz. But he was looking at you with those brown eyes you love, so you couldn’t say no.
“ sure, I can’t wait..”
You smile weakly. Already dreading the upcoming weekend.
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buckysrighthanddoll · 4 years
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Gluttony
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader (college AU)
Warnings: drinking, fluff, a teensy bit of angst (y’all know it’s me lol), swearing
A.N.: This is part two of my Seven Deadly Sins series!!! Read part one here called “Envy” with Bucky Barnes :)
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You were never the drinking type. Throughout high school, you maybe had three drinks. It wasn’t that you were consumed with your bookwork or couldn’t sneak out to parties. You had plenty of opportunities.
It was now the third year of college. You were well on your way to your degree, you had an established friend group, and you had a decent enough social life. But when MJ invited you to a party this Friday, you found yourself feeling nervous.
There were a few parties in college that you attended. Every time you got uncomfortable and left early. Every time you stood in the corner with one or two of your friends from class. Every time you were home by midnight.
This time was different.
“MJ, you know--”
“That you’re a lame-ass who won’t hang out with some friends?” MJ interjected. “Come on, (Y/N), it’s just us. Even Ned is gonna be there.” Before you could even respond, she spoke again. “Peter said he’d be there.”
That caught your attention. You contemplated the decision in your head--the party was this Friday, which gave you today to prepare; however, you had a test at 10:00 am on Saturday.
“Fine. You said it was at your apartment, right?”
“Yes. Be there at 10 to help me set up,” MJ smiled, pivoting on her feet and heading to her next class. You sighed and gave a half-smile at her.
MJ knew damn well that you had a thing for Peter. And, beyond that, she insisted that he liked you, too. It was a load of bullshit, but she wouldn’t change her mind.
Finishing your classes for the day was easy. Today was Thursday, which meant you had Art appreciation, Spanish 312, and organic chemistry. That night, you set up your studying supplies and got to work.
Within an hour, you lost focus. You kept worrying about that damn party, but you logically knew that you didn’t need to. It was a few friends. Peter, Ned, MJ, and her boyfriend Mark were the only people that were supposed to be there. They were all people that you knew and trusted. As long as you didn’t drink, you’d be fine.
“Hey (Y/N/N),” Peter said, making you jump. He laughs, which immediately eases your anxieties. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I left my door unlocked again, didn’t I?” You asked, standing from your desk. He nods his head and sits on the chair by the kitchen counter. “You want something to drink?”
“Water, please,” He responds. He was always so polite, even though you’d known him since sophomore year of high school. The two of you knew everything about each other. He knew about your past traumas and experiences; you knew that he was Spider-Man.
Ya know, the usual.
You got the glass of water and threw a couple of personal pan pizzas in the oven. “I thought you were gonna study for the test on Saturday.”
“I got bored,” Peter shrugs. You sit next to him and rest your arm on the counter. “Figured I’d come to see my favorite girl,” He smiles. He gives one of those small smirks that he (recently) found to drive girls mad, but you simply raise your eyebrow.
“She’s probably in my room.”
At the perfect moment, a fuzzy black cat prances into the kitchen. Her name was Razzle, Razz for short, and she was the cutest damn cat to grace your existence. Peter adored her. There were times when you’d come home from class and see him playing with her on the floor. There were times when Peter would stay the night, and you’d wake up to see a fuzzy black ball on his chest. The scene was so cute that you took a picture (which may or may not be your lock screen, shh).
Razz jumps into Peter’s lap and immediately starts purring. His smile gets even bigger, and he scratches under the cat’s chin (the sight alone makes your heart soar).
“You wanna watch a movie?” Peter asks.
The oven dings, making you stand up to get the pizza. “As long as we can go over the vocab for the test afterward.” Peter groans, but you know that it’s sarcastic. “Deal.”
Peter goes to the living room area and turns on a random movie. You place the pizzas on paper plates and carry them out to where he’s sitting on the couch, his feet propped up onto the table. At least he had his socks on.
Thirty minutes into the movie, you weren’t paying attention anymore. All you could focus on was the way the screen lit Peter’s face; the way his eyes followed every action; the way his body jerked during a fight scene; the way his lips looked so soft and kissable and--
“Is there something on my face?” Peter asked. You snapped your gaze to the empty plate ahead of you. That’s one thing that you loved about Peter--besides his improved spidey-senses, he (sort of) grew out of his awkwardness.
“No, uh, I got lost in thought,” You lied. You grabbed his empty plate and took it to the kitchen to throw in the garbage. Taking a second to collect yourself, you went back to the couch. You scoffed at Peter, who was under a blanket and taking all three spots. “You’re such a dipshit.”
“But I’m your dipshit,” Peter retorted. You rolled your eyes as he sat up, allowing you to sit where his head just was. You plopped yourself down, and Peter rested his head on your lap, lying on his side to still face the TV.
Peter fell asleep twenty minutes later. Your hand was in his hair, softly playing with his curls, and soon enough, the soft snores ensued.
You stayed there for several moments after the movie ended. It was easy to bypass the credits rolling on the screen, especially when Peter was right there. Head in your lap. An arm draped across your thighs. You could see yourself doing this every weekend with him--waking him up, getting to the bedroom, holding each other until the early morning.
It was stupid how much you loved him. He was your best friend throughout high school and college. He was with you through every smile and tear. It was just impossible for you not to harbor anything more than a friendship.
Once the title screen popped back on, you shook Peter awake. He hums groggily and opens his eyes. As he realizes that he fell asleep on your lap, he goes red in the face and sits up.
“I didn’t realize I was even tired,” He says, letting out a breathy laugh. “I’m sorry. I, uh, I gotta get home, though. We have an 8 am tomorrow.” Peter gets up from the couch and makes his way toward the door.
“Yeah, yeah,” You said, standing up and following him. “Goodnight. Be safe, love you,” You added, hugging him.
“‘Night (Y/N/N), love you, too,” Peter responded. He left, and you took that as your cue to get to sleep.
Your classes breezed by the next day. You and Peter’s 8 am class was spent reviewing material for tomorrow’s test, and your ten am consisted of you being a TA for your Spanish professor. She just had you look through papers while she taught about the subjunctive tense.
At your apartment, you texted MJ to ask what you should wear. She arrived twenty minutes later and immediately began searching through your closet. She explained that it was still casual since it was just a few friends, but your usual plain t-shirts and jeans weren’t going to cut it.
MJ picked a tight-fitting shirt with a v-neck. She said that it made you look insanely attractive, especially when paired with the (extremely short) denim shorts that you hardly ever wore.
You decided just to straighten your hair and do basic makeup. It consisted of only eyebrows, eyeliner, and mascara; it was a bit more than your daily makeup, but if you were going to a party, you didn’t want to mess it up.
After getting dinner, you and MJ went to her apartment and began setting up. There was a beer pong table, food set out on another table, and all of the alcohol she could afford on a third table. You put a playlist on her TV screen and then put the remote behind it. It was all said and done within an hour.
You turned on the strip lights right as Mark got there. He greeted his girlfriend with a short kiss, and then he came and hugged you. Mark was a sweet guy; he treated MJ right, and he was great at communication, plus he made an effort to be friends with her friends.
Ned showed up half an hour later, and Peter was right behind him. You already had three shots, but they hadn’t kicked in yet; it was probably for the best because all you could think when you saw him was damn.
He wore a dark grey v-neck shirt and dark denim jeans. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower shortly before leaving, as his hair was still slightly damp. MJ had to hip check you to pull your attention back to the conversation.
“You need to tell him eventually,” She starts. “I mean, he totally has it bad for you, too.”
“Bullshit,” You sang. “He’s my best friend, besides you. That’s it.” You looked at the table and picked up the peppermint schnapps. “Another shot?”
“Using liquor as a negative coping mechanism. Same,” MJ nodded, smiling as she grabbed the shot glasses. “Competitive?”
“Bet,” You answered, pulling out a five from your pocket. She threw down an additional five and called Mark over to call it so that it wasn’t biased.
You both set the shot glasses on the counter and got ready. Mark slapped the table, and you and MJ threw the glasses back and slammed them back down. You won by a fraction of a second, making you throw your arms up.
“Didn’t think you were a drinker, (Y/L/N),” MJ laughed.
“I’m not,” You smirked. You grabbed the money and put it in your pocket, lining up another shot and downing that one too. “But distractions are distractions.”
“You really need a therapist,” Ned laughed.
Within an hour, you were blasted. Although you’d been slightly tipsy before, you’d never been full-on drunk before. MJ was right there with you, Mark was somewhat behind, and Ned was tipsy. Peter, who had slowly been sipping on his drink, was hardly beyond sober.
The five of you were playing Cards Against Humanity in the living room. MJ had the lead, but that didn’t shock anybody; she was declared the friend group’s funniest. You were near behind, though, which was shocking only because you’d thought Ned should be in your position.
It wasn’t like it mattered to you. All that mattered was that you and Peter sat next to each other, thighs pressed to one another, and his arm was resting on the couch cushions behind your head. If you thought that dealing with your emotions was hard when you were sober, then you were in a world of trouble when it came to you being drunk (and him being this close).
Gluttony was not your usual sin. Indulging in vices like drinking wasn’t typical of you. On any other day, you’d throw yourself into your studies, or maybe you’d be planning your study abroad that was coming up. But drinking? That was out of the ordinary.
Tonight was different. You wanted to let loose--to forget about your emotions. But that wasn’t happening, now was it?
After your game was up, you partied some more. You expected to forget about your emotions; instead, you found yourself forgetting how to care about preserving them. A few shots here, some dancing there, and you were more carefree than you had been in years.
Around three in the morning, you were tired. More than that, you had to be up at eight to get ready for your test at ten. You found yourself stumbling to get your things together so you could walk home, but Mark was trying to stop you.
“(Y/N), it’s past midnight in a college city, and you’re as drunk as a skunk. Just stay here,” Mark tried. MJ was right behind him and insisting that you at least call a taxi or an Uber.
“I’ll be fine,” You assured, nearly falling over as you slipped your shoes on. Peter, thankfully, catches and steadies you. He keeps an arm around your waist, which makes your already reddened face burn even hotter.
“I’ll take her home. I’m sober,” Peter says, looking at MJ. “Besides, we both have a test in seven hours--I need the sleep.”
“Drive safe, man,” Mark says, pulling Peter in for a hug. Peter gives MJ and Ned a hug, and then he’s by your side, leading you to his car.
It was a short and silent drive. Thank gods. You weren’t in any state to be talking to someone who you’ve harbored romantic feelings for.
Peter took you inside your apartment. The moment the door shut behind him, he locked it and got to your bedroom. He picked out some sleep shorts and an old shirt for you to sleep in, and he left you to change while he grabbed some water for you.
You sat in bed as he walked back into the room, setting the glass on your nightstand.
“You’re too nice,” You whined. “Aren’t guys supposed to be assholes or something?”
“I’m the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man--I’m not quite like most guys.” Peter smiles and lifts the covers, letting you get under them. Once you’re laid back, you take a sip of your water, and he closes the windows and curtains. He comes back to pull the blankets over your chest. Then, he starts to leave.
“Peter, can you stay the night here?” You asked. He turns to you and gives one of the softest smiles you’d ever seen (maybe it was just the rose-tinted glasses, or perhaps it was the staggering amount of alcohol in your blood). Nodding his head, he gets in on the other side of the bed.
Peter had stayed the night here plenty of times, but he always slept on the pull-out couch in the living room. He never once stayed in your bed with you also in it. You figured it was either out of concern for boundaries or respect.
The truth was, Peter was also head-over-heels for you. He’d told MJ, not that he needed to--MJ was good at reading people, and he certainly wasn’t subtle about his attraction for you.
You were the first person he came to when he became Spider-Man. You were his reason to fight after he got dusted (along with you). You were his favorite person to see after a mission--you’d been at the tower anytime Tony Stark told you that Peter was coming home. You were always there for him. You were it. You were the one that Peter wanted to be with, even if it didn’t work out in the long run.
Once Peter settled into the sheets, you rolled over and cuddled into him. Your head rested on his chest, an arm around his torso, and a leg tangled with his own. Both of you heaved a sigh of relief; this felt good. This felt right.
“Peter?” You asked.
“Yeah?” He responded.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“No, like, I love you,” You confessed, looking up at him through heavy eyelids. “Like, I wanna kiss you and cuddle you like this and hold your hand. I wanna tell people that I’m your girlfriend, and you’re my boyfriend.”
“Baby, you’re drunk.”
“I’ve been hiding this for years, Peter,” You insisted. “It isn’t because I’m drunk. The only thing this liquor is doing is helping me say what I want to say without worrying.”
“If I’m honest, (Y/N), I love you, too. In that same way. But you’re not even going to remember this in the morning.”
“Will you remind me?”
“Yes.”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Not when you’re drunk.”
“Damn,” You sighed. “Did you set an alarm for the morning?”
“I already have one set,” Peter assured you. “Let’s get to sleep.”
“And Peter?” You called. “Thank you for taking care of me.” He hummed in response.
The next morning, you were shocked that you only had a small headache. You were even more surprised that you woke up next to Peter.
Last night was fuzzy for you. Bits and pieces were clear as day, like winning thirty bucks from MJ. But what happened? Was Peter as drunk as you were? Did you say something stupid? Why was he in your bed right now?
No matter the reason, you found yourself not wanting to leave this spot. You were the closest you’d been to Peter.
The alarm on Peter’s phone rang, making you jump. Then, you grabbed your aching head. Peter awoke with a start before looking down at you. He shut the ringtone off, and then he wrapped his arms tighter around you. His hand ran up and down your arm, which made you feel happy and warm, but why the hell was he holding you like this?
“Good morning,” Peter said groggily. His morning voice was hands-down, the most beautiful thing ever.
“‘Morning,” You responded.
“Want me to put some coffee on for that hangover?” He asked.
“I’m not that hungover, actually,” You answered. “I can go make some.”
Peter nodded his head, so you got up. Three scoops into the filter, some hot water, and a few minutes later, you both had cups of bitter coffee to wake you up. You both started to get ready for the day by brushing your teeth and putting on some new clothes (Peter had to find some clothes that he’d left here last month).
It was going to be a casual and laid-back day; that much was certain. Your body was aching, and your head only started to worsen even after taking some ibuprofen. There were still thirty minutes before you needed to leave for the campus, so you and Peter sat on the couch.
“Did I say anything stupid last night?” You asked, holding onto your mug.
“Only that you loved me and wanted to kiss me,” He smirked.
You groaned and threw your head back. “I’m sorry,” You started, looking him in the eye. “I shouldn’t have said that while I was drunk.”
“Did you not mean it?”
“Of course I meant it,” You said, laughing drily. “Peter, in the seven years we’ve known each other, I’ve felt like this for six of them. I just shouldn’t have told you while I was drunk.”
“Last night, I said that I loved you, too,” Peter said. “And then you asked if you could kiss me, but I wasn’t going to let you do anything in that state.”
“Oh,” You muttered, looking down in embarrassment and setting down your coffee. Peter’s lifted your chin and then cupped your face before leaning in and kissing you. The initial shock wore off quickly, and then you were kissing him back. It was soft and sweet--precisely what you’d have expected your first kiss with him to be like.
When Peter pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. “You wanted me to remind you when you were sober. Was that okay?”
“More than,” You smiled. You closed the distance again, tangling your hands in his hair. Peter smiles against you.
After the test, Peter took you on your first official date as a couple. He held your hand and bought you a coffee, and you carried a conversation like everything was natural. Like everything was right.
(And, for the record, you passed that exam despite the light hangover).
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Note
If you're still taking prompts maybe college Peter who has a newborn (up to you how that happened) no one but his close friends know about and one day he has to take him to class for some reason and the baby won't stop crying and Flash is being a dick and people are getting annoyed but professor Tony just asks if he can hold him for him and does so for the rest of the lecture and the baby chills out (an extra if you're into more peter whump maybe he's very much struggling to deal on his own?)
do the thing - send in all the prompts. 
I really liked this one - I saw the original video of this idea and it was real heart warming. 
warnings: underage drinking, minor character death
word count: ~3k
Peter never imagined a singular night of stupidity would change his life forever. Right before winter break of his senior year, Peter had the sudden epiphany that girls were not for him. He and Ned were looking at a The Rise of Skywalker magazine – a typical Saturday night for the two of them. Ned went on and on about how hot Daisy Ridley was, how her badass temperament made her even sexier – but Peter couldn’t take his eyes off the shots of Ben Skywalker. It wasn’t until Ned shoved his shoulder into his side that Peter noticed his own radio silence.
Though he pretended to shake it off for Ned’s sake, his mind kept playing on that fact over and over again. A part of him always wondered why he never got that excited about the dirty magazines the guys would pass around the locker room – or why dates with girls never ended up working out quite right. Some of his best friends were girls that he thought might make the perfect girlfriend, when in fact, they were the perfect friend, instead. It didn’t bother him so much as surprise him – the thought never crossed his mind before, but now – it was the only thing he could think about.
When Ned brought up a party MJ mentioned at lunch earlier, Peter jumped on the chance – it seemed like the perfect place to test out his new theory. Maybe if he just gave himself a chance to like a girl – it would all work out. 
That was his first mistake. 
The next occurred when he let Ned put cup after cup of whatever he found on the drink table in his hand. The last time Peter attempted to drink, he passed out with his pants down in the middle of MJ’s bathroom – upon reflection, he hoped that would have kept him from repeating the same disastrous action.
It seemed he had not had enough punishment for his stupidity – only this time, the result was not incriminating pictures and laughed away stories.
Waking up the next morning, Peter groaned as the world spun around him when he sat up. Blurry eyes took in the room around him and immediately felt panic. The soft violet on the walls was not the normal drab white of Ned’s bedroom, and the comforter pulled over his hips was certainly not the Batman one that his best friend kept spread across his bed. And the person next to him most certain was not Ned. In fact, he couldn’t even remember who the hell it actually was.
He slipped out of bed as quietly as he could, his head still spinning slightly. His naked body clued him in on what exactly went down last night, though no memories of it were able to surface. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the whirlwind of clothes on the floor and the odd soreness in the small of his back to understand what took place. Stepping into his clothes, Peter pulled out the little notebook he kept in his jeans pocket and tore out a page – his half-drunk brain barely able to translate a legible note.
In leaving his number, he never assumed the girl would actually get back to him. He couldn’t even remember her name – he still didn’t recall what happened that night. That’s why it was a total shock when she called, her voice a little shaky as she read his own note to him – each word one he remembered putting down on the paper. He clenched his jaw a little and stayed on the phone, the girl he now knew as Stacy had something to tell him. And man did he regret not hanging up the damn phone.
All of his plans to leave and head to MIT were put on hold the second he found out he was going to be a father. He felt May’s heart break across the room later that night when he told her the news. She wanted him to get out of here and do bigger and better things just as much as Peter did – probably even more so, if he thought a little bit about it. 
The hug she gave him felt a little bittersweet. They cried together and then stood back up and made a plan. There were a lot of things that needed to happen before a new little person could take up residence in their small apartment.
It turned out that Stacy was a couple of years older than him and trying to navigate her way through NYU classes. She was a nice person and wouldn’t be too bad of a person to raise a child with. Peter told her up front that their time together was a mistake – that even after finding out about their soon-to-be son, he still didn’t think there’d be a chance for them. 
It felt good to jump that hurdle before things got too complicated when the kid did actually come around. She seemed perfectly happy to share the parenting duties – it didn’t hurt that she fit in pretty nicely with May, either; the girls were always whispering about this thing or that whenever he and Stacy got together to go to appointments.
Seeing his baby’s face on the monitor every time they went in for a check up kept things in perspective for him. When May had to check him out of classes to make appointments, his stomach rolled a little – there were so many opportunities he was missing, and the kid wasn’t even there yet. 
The heartbeat and promise of little hands that would wrap around his made it all worth it, though. He never thought about being a dad, there wasn’t time in a 17-year-old’s life for that. With it now on his doorstep, Peter’s brain wouldn’t shut down and think about anything else.
There was so much anxiety built up around whether he could be a good dad with very little resources and a singular aunt that would support him through anything, but had a life of her own to live, too. His deferment of his MIT acceptance chipped at the resolve he tried to build each day the arrival of his son got more and more near. Peter let himself be happy with the fact that he could still go to college at all. NYU was better than nothing.
When Atlas came around, it was with a mixture of joy and sadness. Right after holding him for the first time, Stacy simply dropped back against the hospital bed, her eyes shutting uselessly. Peter looked around with the newborn baby still in his arms, the beeping of machines and rush of people in the room making the boy wail – the stimulus almost too much for Peter himself. It never occurred to him that one moment would be the last time he or Atlas saw her. In one fell swoop, Peter became a father and sole provider to the tiniest human he’d ever seen.
The transition wasn’t very easy, either. There weren’t romantic feelings between him and Stacy, but she was the mother to his child, the person he’d come to know pretty well over the past 9 months. An aneurism seemed silly in a 19-year-old girl – yet, it took her all the same. One of Atlas’s first days outside of the hospital was spent in the small cemetery her estranged uncle picked to bury her in. He declined Peter’s invitation to hold Atlas and got in his car the second the ceremony was over.
Just like that, Peter had a three-day-old and the impending start of college classes. He assumed sometime in the near future he needed to get a job, too – but he could only handle a couple of big things at a time. Getting the baby settled and into a routine seemed like the most important thing, so he focused on that. May helped the first couple of days – her chill nature a little frayed now that a screaming child kept them both awake at night.
Atlas was just shy of a week old when Peter started classes at NYU. 3 of the 4 he signed up to take were cookie cutter prerequisites and general education classes. The pick of the loot as a freshman was not very rich. He did manage to snag a Biophysics class, though – his AP credit getting him something a least.
The professor was a gorgeous man with a neat goatee and the softest eyes. He spoke with authority and the distinctness that came from being extremely knowledgeable about the thing he talked about frequently. Peter spent a lot of his time in Professor Tony’s class alternating between drooling over how stunning he was and daydreaming about how much fun they could have together – if the older man would appreciate being called daddy the same way Peter wanted so much to say it.
The most standout piece of Mr. Stark came from the kindness he treated all of his students with. Peter absentmindedly forgot to turn in the week’s homework and wrote an embarrassingly long and blathering message about this and that as an excuse – and if he could please, for the love of god, turn the damn thing in. Tony’s response was swift and gentle, the man allowing him a couple more days to get it in without deducting any points. When it happened again the second week, he pushed the deadline back for Peter and the rest of the class. In all the unluckiness, Peter was surprised to find such a caring person in the most unlikely of places.
The next week, Peter was shaken awake by May, a distraught look on her face. “I know that you have class today, but I can’t keep the baby. I got called into work. I’m sorry, Pete,” May said softly, her eyes trying to stay soft, to stay under control the same way she’d always been. Blinking, Peter sat up a little – the sleep clung to him tightly, the crustiness in the corner of his eye making it hard to keep his eyes open. Atlas still wasn’t sleeping very well and there’d been many hours of rocking the night before.
“Okay. I got him. Thanks, May,” Peter replied blearily, his hand moving up to brush at his eyes. It took another minute or two to come around, then Peter was out of bed and moving into the kitchen – his body putting together a bottle and some things into a bag on autopilot. 
He could probably change the baby’s diaper with his eyes closed now, too. Taking care of Atlas was all he’d done for weeks now, his classes the only thing that gave him sanctuary. Now, he didn’t even get to have that. Blowing out a breath, Peter got into the shower and got clean before Atlas was up and crankily crying out for him.
The idea of staying home didn’t hit him until about ten minutes into class when Atlas would not stop crying. The decision to take him came when he noticed that they were just a couple class periods away from the exam – he wasn’t sure how Tony tested and didn’t want to miss anything. 
Atlas didn’t make a peep their entire walk over and when he sat down, he figured that trend would continue. After twenty minutes of it and Flash Thompson turning around three times to tell him to shut his kid up, Peter started to get out of his seat. It’d been a stupid idea in the first place.
All of the sudden, Professor Stark was in his row, his hands out in front of him. “I’ll take him. Do you have a bottle? I can feed him and talk at the same time,” Tony said, his face split with a soft grin. The man stepped a little closer and crouched down, his fingers wiggling in front of Atlas’s face. “What’s his name, Pete?”
Not knowing what else to do and suddenly so very grateful for the man, Peter turned the boy’s carrier and happily handed Tony his son – the older man cradled him carefully and stood up. He looked good with a baby in his arms. Peter reached out to give him a bottle and their fingers touched – a delicate zing that Peter couldn’t ever remember feeling before shot up his arm and settled in his chest. “Come talk to me later.” He flashed Peter a smile and started back down the stairs to the front of the lecture hall.
He tried to pay attention, he really did – but it was hard to focus when Tony was holding Atlas so delicately and swaying back and forth to mock a rocking motion. True to his word, the man continued to lecture – the normal talking with his hands transferred to his face, instead. His eyebrows hiked up his forehead and quirked to run a severe line between them while he spoke – the entire experience of it a little bit overwhelming. 
Atlas finished the bottle a little bit into the more intense parts of the lecture – Tony simply put him against his chest and started to burp him while he described the math problem they were currently looking at on the projector.
The whole thing was too much and not nearly enough all at one time. It felt like a tease, seeing just how good the gorgeous man could be with someone so precious to him. The part of Peter that yearned for help like that made him want to cry – his eyes watering a few times throughout the rest of the lecture. 
Flash looked back once when Peter was wiping at his eye and called him a pussy – the word not having nearly as much bite as it would have before Atlas came around. He was a father with a lot of shit on his plate – and far from the type of person that would run away from his problems.
For the rest of the lecture, Peter kept his eyes on the sleeping baby in Tony’s arms – of course he would be quiet for a complete stranger. Though, Peter understood the ability to be comfortable in the older man’s presence, he felt that way himself. Getting up when Tony dismissed everyone, Peter climbed down the stairs and put the carrier by his feet, a hesitant smile on his face. “Professor Stark, you have no idea how sorry I am,” Peter started, his words immediately cut off by Tony’s hand raising.
“Don’t apologize. You needed some help, so I gave it to you. Besides, Atlas and I are pals. He didn’t throw up on me,” Tony remarked, his eyes pinching at the corners as a stunning smile slipped across his face. “He can’t be too old. How are you coping with classes and a newborn?”
Without really knowing what was happening, Peter started to cry – the question making all of the thoughts he’d been holding back crash down over his head. He wasn’t coping – he did his best to survive and that was it. 
Peter loved the hell out of Atlas, but parenting was not for young people. There was a deeply engrained need to make sure other people did not make the same mistake he did – having a child was absolutely no fucking joke.
Peter felt an arm wrap around him, the smell of cedar wood and something he couldn’t quite place invading his senses. Atlas was still fast asleep in Tony’s arms – the baby’s feet pressing into him a little when the other pulled him close. There wasn’t enough energy in him to feel embarrassed – it felt good to be held, so he leaned into the comfort of Tony’s arms.
“It’s alright, Pete. Let me help you.” Tony muttered the words softly, his tone of voice just as much for Peter as it was for the small baby in his arms. “I can take care of the both of you.”
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fandorkofeverything · 5 years
Text
The Peter Parker Project: A Million Dreams Chapter Two
And, this will now be a series! There will be two more installments, and MAYBE a fourth, depending on how this goes.
/Peter's P.O.V/
"Wait…. You got kicked out of school?" Pietro asked as Jade was setting up a movie.
"And you didn't get in trouble?" Brooklyn added, sitting next to me on the couch.
"Teach me your ways, I could've gotten away with a whole lot more at your age." Megan joked, bringing over the popcorn.
"You're only a year older than me." I stated, facing her and she laughed.
"Yeah, 365 days' worth of insanity!" Megan threw popcorn in my hair and I shook my head.
"Hey! Watch the curls! I love the curls." Brooklyn got the greasy popcorn out of my hair and I blushed slightly. It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything. Nope. Not at all. Not one bit. Noooo. Never.
"Not important, back to the subject on hand," Jade smiled, sitting on the end seat of the couch. "You got kicked out, Parker. And for what?" I sighed and shoo my head.
"I corrected a teacher."
"Oooh, do spill!" Maddison exclaimed; her thick English accent clear as always.
"She had Einstein's Theory of General Relativity problem wrong. I simply corrected her, and she kicked me out of the classroom and the principle sent me home. End of story." I shrugged at that and Jade scoffed.
"There's got to be more than that, Parker." Jade glared and I rolled my eyes.
"My name's Peter." I mumbled, annoyed. Jade and I have never got along. I just don't like how she treats other people. But she doesn't have anyone else, so I tolerate her.
"Hey, how about we start the movie, hmm?" Megan questioned, shaking the remote in her hand. Jade sighed and relaxed on the couch arm.
"Fine."
"Great! Let's get this party started!" Kayleigh stood on the couch, jumped and then plopped down, earning a laugh out of me and Maddie.
Megan started the movie, and we were about halfway through the movie when Kayleigh started to get tired.
"Doesn't Sherlock look like your Dad, Brooklyn?" Megan stated, not taking her eyes off the TV.
"No shit." Brooklyn teased, with a wink.
Nobody really talked until the movie was over, and Kayleigh had fallen asleep.
"She's awful sweet for an eighty-something kid." Jade teased and I rolled my eyes, that joke obviously overused. "I'll take her to bed." Jade picked her up and carried the youngest of our group to her room.
"All of us should go to bed. We have school tomorrow." Wanda stated, taking her brother by the hand.
"Yeah. Great." I rolled my eyes, not wanting to go to the disgrace of a high school.
"Hey, soon you'll be at Seaside! No need to worry!" Megan hugged me, trying to be positive.
Except they don't know about Flash Thompson.
I've always had trouble falling asleep, but it was never like this. It was like I could hear everything in the whole world. I tried covering my ears, but it wasn't helpful. My eleven was now a fifteen. Maybe even a seventeen.
I tried to go to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. my alarm then went off and I groaned, rolling off of my bed and onto the floor.
"Karen, would Mr. Stark be mad at me if I just slept on the floor instead of going to school?"
"I would assume so, Peter. Mr. Stark knows that your schoolwork is very important for your—"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it."
It was like everybody was screaming. I could hear Brooklyn and Mr. Stark from the kitchen.
"But I want tacos!"
"You can't have tacos for breakfast!"
"Well, why not?!"
"Because I said so!"
I could hear Maddie on the phone with her father.
"No, I don't have a boyfriend."
"You know what to say if someone asks you out?"
"My Daddy's a doctor and will fuck you up?"
"Maddison!"
"Sorry Daddy."
I could hear Pietro singing the sonic theme song on the treadmill. Loudly.
"Gotta go fast, gotta go fast! Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, faster! Moving at speed of sound! Make tracks! Quickest hedgehog around! Got ourselves a situation! Stuck in a new location! Without any explanation! No time for relaxation!"
"SHUT UP PIETRO! IT'S TIME FOR BREAKFEST!"
Wanda's scream made me flinch, as her screaming on top of my elevated senses made it worse.
I know that most of the people were just having a discussion, but it came on like a heard of wildebeests. Accepting my fate, I got dressed and went to the kitchen for breakfast. Oatmeal sounds pretty good right about now.
"Wow. You look like shit." The raven-haired girl pointed out and I rolled my eyes.
"Thanks, Jade. I thought I'd cosplay as you today." I smirked at her facial expression after I said that. just because my senses are elevated doesn't mean I can't be cocky towards her.
"Good one, Pete." Kayleigh put out her hand for a fist-bump and I did so. I have no idea how the blonde can tell where I am without her ability to see, but that will always be a mystery to most.
"Oatmeal Tuesday, right Pete?" Steve asked me and I nodded, my head still pounding like three thousand phrases were placed into my head at the same time.
"I'll be taking you to school today, kid." Natasha told me, giving me my oatmeal and I hummed in response with a nod, letting her know I heard her. I ate my oatmeal quickly and we left.
About ten minutes into the drive, Natasha seemed to finally speak up about my silence.
"You okay, kid?"
"Yeah, just tired." I lied through my teeth and Natasha shook her head.
"No, I know what tired looks like. It's more than that."
"I'm fine. I'll be a whole lot better after I transfer to Seaside."
"Yes, The School Of The Arts. The brats- I mean kids, love it there. Any thoughts on classes?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Depends on how hard their AP classes are. Most of STEM subjects are too easy for me."
"Kid, you have the IQ of 230, just 20 points off of Stark, of course they're too easy for you." I smiled at that. There's not many things I'm good at, but school is one of them.
"Alright, kiddo. Have a good day." Natasha smiled as she dropped me off and I closed the door.
She didn't scream 'have a good day' like Uncle Bucky did, and I'm kind of grateful. I don't think my brain could handle it at this point.
"Have you got the notes for science class?"
"Did Black Widow really drop Peter Parker off at school?"
"Did you study for that chemistry exam?"
"Do you have anything toe eat? I ran late this morning."
"Did you see the new Voltron season yet?"
"I'm going to Germany for spring break and the 'rents said I could bring a friend. Wanna come?"
"Did you hear their making a live-action Lion King movie?"
"Ugh, I'm so sick of school. Correction, I'm sick of waking up in the morning."
"Did you eat last night or this morning?"
"Dude, my moms been on my case all week. If I don't get my grade up, she's gonna hire a tutor."
Every single one of my school's voices came all at once. And all extremely loud. Airplane loud. Breaking news loud. Screaming loud. I placed my hands over my ears, but again, it was useless.
"Yo, Penis Parker!" Flash's voice came in like a freight train and I flinched slightly. "What's your problem? Did I scare you?" He taunted and laid his hand on my back, which I shoved away. "C'mon! I thought you liked touch." He did the same and I backed up and screamed.
"STOP TOUCHING ME!" I lowered to the ground, hands over my ears, closing my eyes tightly and shaking, not caring who saw what. The world became quiet, and I felt eyes on me.
"Hey! Leave him alone!" I recognized MJ's voice as I heard her shoes squeak against the high school flooring, clearly newly bought.
I suddenly found myself shortness of breath and struggled to breathe. MJ noticed this and sat next to me on the ground, but didn't touch me, which I appreciated.
"What's wrong with him?"
"What a loser!"
"Wow, that's a new low, Penis Parker!" I felt my side and face experience pain and then a sound of someone punching another person and a girlish scream.
"DON'T YOU EVER LAY A HAND ON HIM EVER AGAIN, FLASH THOMPSON!" MJ's scream caused me to sink back into the lockers even further, if that was even possible. I heard the running of shoes, and then a new person sitting beside me.
"Okay everyone, get to class! This isn't a talent show!" I recognized Mr. Dell's voice and the sound of people scattering. I liked Mr. Dell. He treated me like a person and not a little kid, like most teachers in this crack house. "Peter. Are you alright?" I shook my head, unable to bring words to life. "Would you like me to call someone? Your Aunt?" I shook my head, she's still out of town.
"Maybe try Mr. Stark." Ned's voice then became known, now knowing who sat beside me.
"Do you have his number?" MJ asked, I felt my phone leave my pocket and I heard the ring.
"Pete, shouldn't you be in school?
"Mr. Stark, this is Julius Dell at Midtown High, I'm here with Peter, Michelle and Ned, and Peter has seemed to have had some sort of a panic attack."
"What happened?"
"I cannot tell you what happened directly, but he seems to be really shaken and won't let anyone touch him."
"I'll be there soon. Tell the kid to hold on."
"Of course, Mr. Stark."
I heard the phone hang up and I begun to shake a bit more violently, I grabbed at my hair and clawed it.
"Pete, let's not do that, okay?" Mr. Dell removed my hands from my head, and I fell to the ground, wrapping my arms around my legs.
"Pete?" MJ's worried voice asked, still sitting beside me.
I held my hands tighter onto my ears, and I then heard the run of footsteps.
"Geez, kid…." Mr. Stark's voice calmed me slightly but didn't stop my attack. "I'll be taking him home."
"I think that's very advisable. I'll let the rest of his teachers know."
"You're not like the other ones are you?" Mr. Stark paused for a moment. "You care for him. I can tell most of the other teachers don't. Not really."
"I care for my students like their human beings. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Everyone should." I felt my body leave the ground, and I assumed that Mr. Stark picked me up.
"Come on, I'll walk you two to your classes." I heard the three leave and Mr. Stark carried me out, and I was strapped in.
"What happened to the kid?" I recognized the voice as Happy's.
"Panic attack, I assume. I'll find out later."
I leaned my head against the window and fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was in my room at Avengers Tower. The lights were dimmed down for my senses, and I found I was wearing soundproof headphones. I looked at my phone and saw that I had thirty messages.
Ten from Ned, three from MJ, five from Brooklyn, from from Pietro, and three from Megan. All of them expressed their worry about me. I looked at the time; 4:45…... On a Thursday….. Did I really sleep for 56 hours? I sighed, got out of my bed and walked out to the main room.
Uncle Bucky was reading a book on the couch, Mr. Stark was looking at something on his database, and Brooklyn was watching a TV show.
"Well, look who's joined the land of the living." Bucky joked and I smiled, giving a small wave. Brooklyn ran up to me and hugged me.
"We. Were. So. Worried. About. You!" She shook me side-to-side during the hug and I just dealt with it.
"Brooklyn, ease off of him, dear." Mr. Star told her, and she released me from her prison- I mean hug. "So, what was that that happened on Tuesday?"
"You know how I told you that my senses are usually an eleven?" I asked and he nodded. "Well….. They were a seventeen on Thursday."
"A seventeen? Why?" Uncle Bucky asked and I shrugged, sitting next to him.
"It happens sometimes. But it's never been this bad. I think that was an anxiety attack, a panic attack and a sensory overload all rolled into one. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe….. I was scared." I confessed, and I noticed Bucky motion for the Mr. Stark and Brooklyn to leave. Mr. Stark wasn't happy about it, but he did so anyways.
"Do you know what caused this? What caused you to finally snap?" Uncle Bucky asked and I shook my head.
"Peter. I know when you're lying." I froze at that. Of course. I can't lie to Bucky Barnes. "Come on, tell your favorite Uncle what's bothering you so I can fix it."
"You can't fix this…." I mumbled and walked out of the room and back into my bedroom. There's a lot of things that Bucky can fix. My mental state. Homework. School. And dealing with my parents and Uncle's death…
But he can't fix this.
What Peter experienced is called a Sensory Overload. I've experienced these so many times, and let me tell you, it hurts. It hurts like hell. Luckily Peter has so many people that care about him to help him out though!
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marosaurr · 7 years
Text
Mj ;
I have to start out slow with you. Because it's been about a month and my thoughts of you still can't get into a flow. I'm gonna start with the first day I met you, five years ago I think. You didn't even phase me, my sister made some dumb comment about us together, and I'll always remember she said "why not, he'll treat you like a princess." I didn't even think twice, you were invisible to me. Then we went to Lake Cushman all together and you got super drunk and we all spent the day together. And as you keep telling me "passed out with your arm around me" on the car ride home, before you threw up. Yup, still invisible to me. After that I just forgot about you.
Then after awhile you were always here and there with your super unattractive long hair... it was just like, you were always there but your presence never effected me. Not like it does now. This last year we all grew really close doing stuff together, we all became one big family. We were friends. We spent most of our time on the field playing ball together. I got close to you and we spend some time just us together, slurpee dates, car rides, parties at my dads. Your presence was starting to effect me. You were never my type, you're not very tall, you don't really wear shoes that I find attractive on guys (except when you were your vans.) You don't even like pictures and you're kinda weird. Whiny as fuck, but you're always dancing, and singing, always good vibes with you. You rub off on people, you make the people around you feel good. It can be hard for me because you are so damn good at treating everyone equally that I never felt special, I just felt like I was the same to you as everyone else is.
Now, it took about one month for me to fall of the mountain for you. It was when you went out of your way for me to get me that supernatural pop. I've had puppy eyes since then. That's when this mess began. It was me and you for such a short time, we weren't even anything really, we were scared of each other. Scared to feel and scared to take chances. But i held your hand anyway, I let you in anyway. And I can't stop thinking about the smell of your car, sitting in your front seat on top of your pile of clothes, smoking blunts, playing card games, then you got me again when you did this cute laugh, the first time I got you with the circle game, you did your laugh and I thought about it every day since. Now I see you do it all the time, it's so beautiful, you are so beautiful to me. I can't even look at you anymore, I'm literally and weak in my chest and knees for you.
This isn't flowing anymore and this is why i had to take it slow. But my thoughts for you are too fast and too much. The other night I told you that I would take you in any way that I could have you. And we went for a walk through the woods and I held your hand. Then later when we were sleeping on the couch together, we were face to face for almost an hour before i finally swallowed my fear and I kissed you.
And now, I'm waking up at home just to remember that you are gone for now, and I am literally dying. I shouldn't of done this to myself, I need you to be invisible to me again, I can't feel this way, these things aren't real, people don't do relations and do life together anymore, not in this century, I should of known better. I've always been anti - feels and all of a sudden I have so much weight on my chest with how I feel about you that I am sick, so sick to my stomach.
I didn't wanna talk about all this crap. I really just wanted to talk about you, who you are and what you do. I don't wanna talk about my dumb feelings, I wanna talk about how lucky I am to have had you for the second that I did. Mj, everything about you is surreal to me. Opening every god damn door for me when we are shopping, bickering over who gets the check, buying each other pops, watching your friendship grow with my girl, you are so good. So so good. I hate when you get down on yourself and I hate hate when other people make you feel like shit for just being you. But they don't see you the way I do. You are so so delicate, so fragile. I honestly think you are an angel. Seriously you might be whiny as fuck, hella crybaby status but it's only because you care so much about everyone, you are so genuine, your heart is the biggest heart I've ever seen. You deserve whatever is left in this world handed to you, I wish I could of done that for you, I want to give you everything you could possibly want out of this life.
I am not good at this anymore. Writing used to be so easy, it used to come naturally. I could write metaphors about things for days, haiku's, similes, all that shit, but I can't anymore. I was always easily inspired to write things about people who effected my life, but now my mind is twisted up so bad about you, Michael. This is the worst I've felt about someone in a long time. I feel like I'm 16 again, literally in a crisis, I'm a mess about this. I hope you come back to me, I'm praying. I would do this all again for you, a thousand times. Just to have you I would give everything, I don't know how or why it had to be you, but it is. Maybe it's just temporary, things obviously change so quickly, but for now this is it, this is how I feel about you, actually this is probably half of how I feel about you, since my writing is so dead I haven't even fit half of what you mean to me in this crap of a story, but it's ok. Sometimes the craziness of the mind can explain what people are going through, maybe this will reflect how I really feel, I'm all wonky I can't think straight, and I can't even write it clear enough. I don't even know if anyone will understand. I don't even know how to finish this. I guess I'll stop all this now, go clean up my bloody knees, one day at a time, and start living without you now.
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