#my life is fucked up

[unhealthytgcfobsession]

it’s not that obvious at first but there comes a point after so many people push you around in the halls, after so many people fucking step on you on purpose when you sit on the ground, after so many people yell at you to get out of the way when you’re not even in the way, that you realize everyone actually hates you.

Yeah. I’m “you” in this scenario.

And at this point I am more than aware that almost everyone at my school and almost everyone on my winter guard team would rather me be dead than be near them. I know I’m the worst. I’m autistic, I’m queer, I’m not conventionally attractive. All things they hate. And they make it very known that they hate people like me. They treat me like a disease to be eradicated or to not go near, they treat me like a pest that must be killed.

They hate me. And I hate them too, if I’m being honest. I hate everyone who has ever wronged me. That includes my entire family. Everyone at school every day who tries to harm me. My dad, who used to hit me and had made it so now I get scared whenever someone makes sudden movements around me. My mom, who tried to abandon me just because I was being “annoying” (I was having a meltdown). My sister, who hits me, throws things at me, and yells at me when my parents aren’t around. I hate all of them. Fuck whoever said hating people is wrong because I have a reason to hate these people. I can only just barely manage to pretend to like them.

Well, less about my feelings. It’s horrible at school. I’ll go into detail for this. I looked at someone and told him to shut up (they said a slur he was definitely not allowed to reclaim) and he laughed at me and asked why I was looking at him weird and made everyone laugh at me for trying to speak out. When I first came out as trans a group of girls would beat me against the fence when we were outside and shout political slogans and bible verses at me. One time a girl screamed the f slur into my ears so loud I couldn’t hear for a whole minute. Recently, they’ve started stepping on me, shoving me around everywhere, and challenging everything I say. They always either say I’m acting like a baby, that I am too sensitive, or that I should kill myself.

That last one hurts a lot, as someone who attempted suicide once.

When I do so much as walk they push me around, step on my feet, and try to trip me. One time a group of people shoved me against a table when I was walking in the cafeteria and then yelled at me for being in their way. I wasn’t.

A group of girls who I didn’t know confronted me in the bathroom and tried to tease me for being ugly. And probably for something else, too. Word travels fast around my school. There’s a whole drama TikTok account for my school and I am 100% sure that there is something about me on there. Because it’s not just people who know me who hate me. It’s everyone who sees me.

At some point I gave up fighting all this. I’m a freak or something. That’s what one of the girls who beat me against the fence said. Who knows if it’s true? The only thing I’ve gotten out of this is to trust no one and be as dramatic as possible. If I show my emotions so wildly they don’t approach me. I scream. I sob. I laugh like I’ve just heard the most funny joke in the world. I do that even if that’s not showing my actual emotions. It creates distance when it does work. Some people dislike me even more for it. Who cares? They already hate me.

Every friend I’ve ever had has left me because I’m just a magnet to hate and bullying and pain. I don’t care. Just don’t understand why they would become friends with me if they don’t like me.

I don’t care about anything about this anymore. Especially not everyone hating me.

#vent #tw suicide attempt mention #tw bullying #trauma #long post #physical abuse mention #there’s more but my fingers got tired #my life is fucked up #help me

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

#normally I don't chronicle my dreams here but fucking hell that one was funny #I think this would genuinely make tumblr better tbh #@ staff do this cowards #spy has thoughts #my life is a sitcom and i am my own laugh track #functional website #spy's smash hits #Glock function #edit for everyone in the notes saying 'everyone clapped' #I know I can't prove to you that it happened for real you're just gonna have to trust me on this #but I swear on my goddamn life I'm not making this up #I make so many conscious puns that sometimes my subconscious cooks up a real good one

[mumblesplash]

i say if you’re gonna have the mysterious entities speak in rhyme you might as well commit (EDIT: part 2!)

(posting an unprecedented Part 1 of At Least 3 bc i actually have the entire script and most of the storyboarding for this done already)

#yknow. got an idea. had a breakdown. bon appetit #this was the creative impulse i was referring to on sunday #my art #secret life #secret life spoilers #slsmp #grian #geminitay #briefly #trafficblr #also #mostly bc i am proud of it and partly bc i want people to know it’s on purpose: #grian is not trying to rhyme at all in this part. he is being deliberately unhelpful #he lowkey tries to fuck it up on purpose in that second to last panel but the secret keepers just switch rhyme schemes #the one time he completes an end rhyme is because he lost his temper #anyway yeah this was motivated mostly by me wanting to see if i could do it

[aahsokaatano]

people love extolling the virtues of ball-and-socket joints and how it makes us more advanced and all that but I don't see any fucking octopuses in slings now do I. Bones are overrated and I want a refund.

#max is talking #rolled over in bed and experienced Immediate and Intense Regret #i still dont know what i actually fucking did to my shoulder i uust woke up and it had decided 'fuck your entire life'

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[ruporas]

kiss of the divine

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #ruporas art #i will always love u vol 8… Obviously i was a vw lover even thru stampede alone but i think this chapter #really set it in stone for me 😭 aughhh wolfwood pleading to god and vash answers - that allll transpiring after wolfwood risked his life #to go Save vash in the first place - he fears death twice as much as anyone else. he is all the reason i need to fight #LIKEEEEE 🥲🥲🥲🥲 I drew this because i wanted them to kiss in my fucked up idealized world but truly canon did crazy work #in establishing their undeniable mutual trust and love already

[tagerrkix]

Eden was their ✨disney princess era✨

#it's canon #source: it was revealed to me in a dream #aziraphale being good with reptiles was all part of the ineffable plan #crowley is having the time of his life here #my only regret is that I forgot to include a baby aardvark #but I put ducklings there instead #aardvarks will have to wait #btw the snake aziraphale is holding is my pet snake that died in 2020 #my poor precious baby she was such a sweetheart #she liked to knock the thermometer off the glass and hide it #I was supposed to draw like an ordinary garter snake there buuut #it's MY silly doodle and I get to do what the heck I want with it 👁️👁️ #lmao crowley's brain is really malfunctioning here #guys he's a demon the creature of darkness foul fiend devil serpent #guys he can't get up the lamb is sleeping #somebody save him #there are vicious animals #and she's exp- #*JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW AND FLIES AWAY* #hey where the fuck is the gecko going #aziraphale #good omens fanart #crowley #aziracrow #good omens #ineffable husbands

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

[allsystemsblue]

Yasmine Wüster

#Yasmine Wüster #rhymes.y #wolves #sheep #black sheep #wolf in sheep's clothing #the odd one #keep fighting my little babies because life is going to absolutely fuck you up but you can’t let it keep you down #for every bad day there will good days and you take good days and you squeeze them hella tight #art #feel good #fighter #iluustration #digital drawing #digital art #soul #from the heart #heart #heart and soul #heartbreaker

[isjasz]

[Day 113]

🌱🌅❤️

manifesting mumbo in the life series 2 days left manifesting this photo is real i took it its them teasing the life series manifesting

#dddaily4sherin #mumbo jumbo #grian #goodtimeswithscar #the buttercups #my art #hermitblr #hermitcraft #ig this is where this is set in JAKSJAJR #/platonic btw but anyone can interpret it how they want i just wanted to do the hearts for life series LMAOOOAO #MANIFESTINGGGGG #I MESSED UP THE EMOJI FOR WEB FUCK NOOOOOOOO FIXED NOW HEAD IN HANDS

[putridcowboy]

the most important step in the hero’s journey is the gay sex

#mine #i was. higher than i thought i was last night #nooo post dont go out of my immediate circle u r so sexy #someone just tagged this as naruto wrote this. no he didnt i did #update now sherlock rp blogs are commenting on this. girl it is 2022 what are you doing #leave im going to attack you with wasps #fr if another person comments on this post itself again and it isnt funny im sending the bees after u #never in my life have i felt that one post that is like some of yall are so annoying god bless #more than i do now #this isnt about anything but if it was it would just be about gilgamesh #the more yall add to this post the more obvious it is that some of yall straight up dont know what the heroes journey is #yall need to stop assuming the hero is the protagonist of the stories yall read/watch/consume or whatever the fuck

[clouvu]

Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine

#genshin impact #arlecchino #peruere #clervie #ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short #ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half #i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved #like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can #but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay #and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up #and maybe no one else ever will #DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak #but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[whollyjoly]

i want the whole SEASON of bucktommy

i want buck being wooed - flowers and being taken out and a little protective hand on the small of his back

i want to hear all the soft ways tommy can say evan and the look on buck's face when he does

i want to see them at tommy's karaoke trivia place because holy shit buck would love it (and didnt oliver say that we're getting buck singing this season cause uhhhhh)

i love that this is such a fling, such a happy thing for buck - he is finally feeling that puzzle piece click into place and it is freeing

and i cant wait to see all the small ways we see that play out!!!

let buck be happy challenge 2k24!!!!

#i'll never shut up about this i fear #i am just SO happy to see a happy bi!buck exploring what his feelings mean!! #just getting to be!! and grow!! and flirt and have FUN!!! #god that euphoria when you realize that its okay that you dont have to choose you can just *be* #its so fucking real and i cant believe i get to see it through the eyes of my favorite character #is this?? real life?? #fuck me up man #otp: better ways to get your attention #bucktommy #kinkley #tuck #? #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 on abc #im just so fucking shook i cant believe it #its REAL #em speaks #mine

[ccorinthian]

fuck you ageism fuck you life ending at 30 fuck you makeup industry forcing us to feel bad about a natural process fuck you hustle culture fuck you instagram fuck you youtube fuck you glorification and deification of youth fuck you who make people feel bad for not having "achieved anything" in their 20s fuck you people who peaked in high school and try to drag everybody down by insisting it's all downhill after 19

#im not dedicating hours and days and weeks of my 20s of hard work on my mental health to cope w shit i went through #for some bitches on websites to tell me ill shrivel up and die when i hit 30 unless my life is perfect by then #youre not dragging me down to that mindset and i wont let your doom and gloom about turning older make me feel like shit !! #some of us have to rebuild ourselves from ground up and that shit takes time and thats FINE and if you think otherwise fuck off honestly #ageism is such a disgustingly overlooked aspect thats so ingrained in our culture and you need to recognise it #or you'll just feel worse and worse about yourself with every passing day bc guess what baby you cant go back!! #SICK of the negativity surrounding age on this website get yourself the fuck together honestly