#pda problems

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

#pathological demand avoidance #demand avoidance #pda autistic #pda autism #pda profile #adhd autistic #audhd #neurodiversity #late diagnosed autistic #autistic stuff #autistic experiences #pda things #pda problems #autistic thoughts #autistic things #neurogender #gender identity #cptsd recovery #complex trauma #autistic trauma

[autball]

A child is having outbursts at school, or at home, or wherever else, on a pretty regular basis. And at some point, someone suggests that they need to learn better coping skills.

They suggest therapy, or maybe there’s even a special program at school. Because yes, better coping skills/self-regulation skills/frustration tolerance really would solve everything, wouldn’t it?

Well those are fine skills to have, to be sure, but more often than not, it’s not what that child (or adult) needs most. What they really need is someone to figure out what’s stressing them out so much and then do something about THAT.

Because it’s not actually weird to be distressed over distressing things. Maybe *you* don’t understand what’s so distressing about school or the grocery store or that new person in the house, but that doesn’t mean *their* distress isn’t legit.

People reeaalllly like to suggest better coping skills for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise ND folks. (Since we already have a diagnosis, it’s that much easier to locate the problem in US.) And what they’re really saying with this an awful lot of the time is, “Can you please stop being so distressed by distressing things because it’s making a lot of work for us and we’re not about to change anything for you.”

So before you put someone in some sort of therapy that will teach them that they’re wrong to be upset about the things that upset them and how to get better at pretending to be okay, maybe consider that you might be expecting them to “cope” with more than they can reasonably be expected to.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autistic problems #autistic experiences #adhd #audhd #pda autism #pathological demand avoidance #neurodivergence #coping skills

[e114-6i11]

Too relatable.

#actually mentally ill #crazy #crazy? i was crazy once #mental health #mental illness #mentally unhinged #ptsd #cptsd vent #autistic experiences #adhd #adhd brain #adhd problems #anxeity #pda autism

[audhdnight]

Got muted in three of my Facebook groups this week alone for pointing out ableism because they call it “armchair diagnosis”.

Like bro I didn’t say “this person definitely has pda profile autism” I said “it’s ableist to moan incessantly about how gross it is when people don’t brush their teeth and how disgusting people who struggle with hygiene are, whether this person has a causal condition or not”.

I have since left all three groups because FUCK THAT but also one woman responded to my comment simply saying “yeah as someone who struggles with hygiene I probably shouldn’t have read these comments” and THAT is exactly who I’m speaking up for. I am so sick of getting silenced for defending my own fucking community.

For context: the group I’m specifically referencing in the above example is dedicated to making fun of the trash men who send unsolicited pics and get really really upset when you aren’t impressed. Someone shared a post in that group where a woman told a man she would expect him to brush his teeth multiple times a day, and his response was, verbatim: “That doesn’t work for me. I suggest you find someone you think is better than me. Good luck.”

Like… that’s not even what this group is for??? He said they didn’t click, respectfully cut contact, and wished her well?? He wasn’t even rude! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM WITH ANY OF WHAT HE SAID??????

And everyone was in the comments with puke emojis and saying things like “no one should have to ask for basic hygiene” or “there is no excuse for this” or “men are so fucking disgusting”. Like hello casual ableism? Also, men are not the only ones who could struggle with caring for themselves. There are SO. MANY. reasons someone might not brush their teeth often. I personally have a hard time with it because with my adhd I genuinely just forget and with my autism the sensory experience can be a LOT so it’s hard to make myself do it on the rare occasions when I do remember. And I’m definitely not a man, cis or otherwise.

#fucking over it #ableism #casual ableism #fuck facebook #ableism tw #hygiene #invisible disability #actually neurodivergent #autistic #adhd memory #sensory issues #pda autism #depression #memory problems

[coffee-bat]

btw wtf kind of combination "touch starved" and "hates pda" even is. brain what do you expect me to do

#i only feel comfortable with affection (esp physical) if noones watching. what am i supposed to do. #am i supposed to schedule meet-ups at my house specifically for hugging #ramble #this is probably a me problem im a little fucked #but anytime im given pda i feel eithat like 1) im showing weakness (bad) 2) im being objectified/treated like a pet or 3) im being shown off #none of these are objectively true but im still viscerally uncomfortable for some reason #//edit: wtf is 'eithat'

[that-audhder-with-pda]

Apparently it’s too hard to find Recipes for lunch/dinner/strong food?) that are quick to made (under 30mins) and that take these things into consideration:

No eggs, no milk (of any kind), no nuts (and I’m also picky eater so that’s complicated)

No cutting stuff (cutting stuff means 15mins extra that I don’t have)

Portions for one person (this is the hardest and I really can’t eat reheated food)

Ok now this is turning to a real vent because I’m tired

Im tired of being an audhder adult that have to feed themself with a lot of stomach issues, plus being picky eater but also I have to constantly change what I prepare because what I love one week I can’t even think about it the next. Also not eating regularly triggers my migraines but reminders are the worst (yes notification I know I have to eat but Fuck you you are not my boss I won’t do what you say)

I thought I had found the solution (it was these prepared food that were packed and frozen and that you just have to boil it in water for 15mins) but I forgot I get bored quickly and now I really don’t want any of those so I’m back in square one!!

…

ok

I think that was it

:)

#pda autism #vent #actually autistic #adhd autistic #autism #being autistic #autistic experiences #living with adhd #adulthood #adhd problems #autistic problems #food mention #tw food #food #i don’t what other te to add

[maiaacchiato]

thinking thoughts

#mia's ramblings #thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond #like i literally just. stood up. started walking away #i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick #for some reason idrk #also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just #didnt go to school #obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean #its a half truth? atleast ??? #and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk #the moment she starts up conversation i just #put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit #i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe #but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no #-mentally drained yk? #like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people #-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just #let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function #i think its called being overstimulated? yea #which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting #-a fever too #which like??? idk why it happens??? #and its not like i dont want to talk to them either #like #obviously i do #but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation #which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well #i want to?? #and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea #this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing

[anxietyfrappuccino]

i get so excited about the prospect of learning something new, but the experience is ruined every time by the weight of expectation

#my post #adhd #adhd inattentive #audhd #autism #anxiety #university student #neurodivergent #neurodivergent struggles #anxiety problems #pda #expectations #task paralysis #task avoidance #pathological demand avoidance #persistent drive for autonomy #education #learning #academia #education should be free #i hate that going to uni means workforce prep and not ooo knowledge #adhd student #audhd student

[labyrynth]

lowkey tempted to just start spamming the “canon jiang cheng” tag with just like. every single quote in the book that tangentially references him. how’s that for canon huh. just dumping screenshots frame by frame. using the biggest font size to drop single lines one at a time. it’s all canon so you have nothing to complain about.

literally just use the “anti” tag like any other respectful fandom participant and this would be a non-issue

#mdzs talk #salt is salt #if canon jiang cheng is homophobic then why have i said the same shit to my sister about her husband #is it heterophobia?? or am i being homophobic to a m/f couple??? or perhaps?? it’s a sibling thing #or maybe you just don’t fucking like pda goddamn imagine that #like jfc you don’t see people making posts detailing wwx’s brazen disrespect and penchant for pettiness and cruelty #and going ‘but it’s canon!!!’ #you don’t see any posts about how he could have tried to help jc’s relationship w jfm or how wwx inherited jfm’s placating tendencies #you don’t see posts about how wwx’s fate was ultimately of his own creation due to his sheer arrogance and inflated ego #these are all really unfavorable and negative interpretations of things that WERE present #but are an egregiously bad faith interpretation #and that’s the point!! that’s what y’all do to jc!!! #wwx is disrespectful and arrogant and combatitive and irresponsible and selfish #but you don’t have any problem with that #also btw wwx has CANONICALLY tortured minimum hundreds of people to death (most likely including civilians) #but you don’t seem to have any issue with that #terminal protagonism #some annoying ass loser picked a fight on a post from months ago #abt how no subordinate is not a derogatory term and the basis of a large chunk of their arguments falls apart #because being someone’s subordinate literally just means ‘you work for them’ #and they were like ‘um if not violently classist and hate wwx then why not falling over himself to worship wwx?’ #again: my post was about ‘this word is not derogatory an in context is actually a good thing. pls stop acting like it’s a bad thing.’ #i’m just so fed up with these fucking losers who think they’re the goddamn chosen ones or some shit #like newsflash: if you were actually right about your interpretation being canon #your opinion would be the majority #but instead we all just think you’re annoying and self aggrandizing #imagine why that might be. #think about if it has to do with the fact that you tag everything with ‘i do not interpret; i am the authority and my word is law.’ #just think about why that might draw some ridicule.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Why is “selfish” a bad word?? If you don’t ever put yourself first you will die?? I don’t mean to sound facetious or hyperbolic but I feel very strongly about this. Be selfish. Be your own biggest supporter. Love and care for yourself in a way that nobody else ever would. Why wouldn’t you?? You’re the only one that has to live your whole life as you. You’re the only one that has no escape from your own company. Be selfish.

If the only reason you help others is because it feels good to be helpful, or because you want to be perceived as a good person, or because you like when people are indebted to you, that’s not bad that’s just human. Be selfish. Good for you for looking out for yourself. Bonus points if you’re able help other in the process, regardless of your motivation for doing so.

(Inspired by this post)

#autistic thoughts #autistic trauma #religious trauma #trauma recovery #post traumatic growth #npd safe #npd positivity #cluster b positivity #cluster b safe #pda autistic #pathological demand avoidance #aspd safe #adhd autistic #audhd problems #neurodiversity #selfish #autistic self care #self care tips #self empowerment #complex trauma #did osdd #late diagnosed autistic #cptsd recovery #autistic borderline #taking up space #inferiority complex #low empathy #autistic things #people pleaser #rejection sensitivity dysphoria

[autball]

Contrary to popular belief, “hating praise” is not just a PDA thing. There are many reasons it could not sit right with someone.

It’s also assumed that people like this just hate all praise, but that’s not true either. What we hate is feeling manipulated, or lied to, or monitored, etc.

I mean, do you realize how much adults are encouraged to use praise to manipulate kids and people in care?? We’re supposed to use it to get more of the behaviors we like, and to promote a “growth mindset,” and to encourage them to stick with activities we think are good for them, and so on and so on.

That’s so much trying to get people to do what we want them to do! Is it really any wonder that praise could end up feeling disingenuous and manipulative after a while? How often are we just genuinely appreciating something they’ve done or who they are as a person, and how are they to know the difference?

If you have someone in your life who reacts badly when you praise them, maybe take a look at your motivations or the way you’re doing it instead of assuming they are the one with the problem. Maybe there’s something like low self esteem or rejection sensitivity skewing their perception, or maybe their perception is just fine and they’re picking up on your ulterior motives (and they don’t appreciate it!).

And please know that you don’t have to withdraw all praise. Everyone wants to feel like they’re good at *something* and that people like what they do. Just wait until it’s wanted, and make sure it’s genuine, with no expectations attached.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #adhd #audhd #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #oppositional defiant disorder #autistic experiences #autistic feels #autistic problems

[betweenthenotes]

Idk who needs to hear this other than me but you don’t have to sit there hitting skip over and over, you can just go ahead and play that song. You don’t have to wait for it to come up on shuffle okay? Take control <3

#why do i keep doing this #oh yeah #pathological demand avoidance #that’s why #music #currently listening to #music lovers #music blog #spotify #spotify playlist #spotify shuffle #favorite songs #pda profile #pda autistic #pda autism #autistic things #audhd problems

[ssogoodinblue]

I see a lot of "was a pleasure to have in class" representation on this site and I love that!

but I feel left out so rb if you were an absolute fucking nightmare to have in class

#pda profile #truancy queen #problem child #pathological demand avoidance #I was always so angry that nobody could give me a good reason why I was forced to be there against my will #adhd autistic #bpd #borderline #did osdd

[katimorton]

I recently saw a video that touched on pathological demand avoidance, also commonly referred to as PDA. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a pattern of behavior in which we go to extremes to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is most often seen in people with autism, but certain traits also have been seen with people with ADHD and other sensory processing disorders. In this video I will talk about what PDA is, why it's often searched with ADHD and autism, strategies that can help those with pathological demand avoidance, and what it's like living with PDA. Do you or someone you know live with PDA? Share about your experience in the comments.

#pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #pda #actually adhd #adhd problems #neurodivergency #psychology #mental health #recovery #katimorton #sensory processing disorder #sensory problems #Youtube

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

i was thinking about jensen and bryce having to do the whole HR thing but like,, in the context of knowing damn well that the HR people would fucking Love jensen but be so meh about bryce. like they don't dislike him, but they just assume he's a report waiting to happen (he doesn't try but yk the flirtiness can be a bit Much), but then jensen is the polar opposite. like jensen practically does their job for them and will call people out for their bs (sometimes not in the nicest way but yk) and they love him for it. jensens friendly w a lot of them too so when he comes in with bryce they give him That Look like "really?? this one???" and he just nods solemnly and bryce is standing right fucking there the whole time like ???

#its not a big deal for them but it's funny to me so yes im mentioning it #like they work in completely separate departments and have never had a problem with pda #bryce lahela × jensen valentine #choices open heart

[kkglinka]

Warrior Nun fandom is millions of viewers wounded by religion, watching a show that aggressively critiques catholicism and american-style prosperity cults alike, and we're all jumping up and down cackling, "Blasphemy blasphemy blasphemy!" to cheer on a queer, disabled protagonist.

#fandom #warrior nun #look I'm just glad #I found a fandom waystation #to cope with the holiday season #I expect netflix to flee #from the queer cooties #like it always does #especially since it's not sexed up #I haven't had to fast forward through #some tacky gross pda even once! #asexual problems etc #but yeah the show is bonkers