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yanwriter-archive · 11 months

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Can I request a yan! Soap, Ghost, and König all liking the same reader? Maybe they have a shared dislike for a new soldier trying to hit on her

Three stones, one bird.

Warnings: Obsessive love, Gore, manipulation

God must have cursed the blood in your veins for you to have caught the attention of three violent, scary, men like Soap, Ghost and König. Whether you think they could share is up to your personal wants, but once an outsider comes in view, especially someone as lowly as a rookie recruit? Their plans are now on hold until this problem is taken care of.

Soap is the most vocal of his distaste at first. It comes off of a casual jealousy, and it can even be seen as cute or silly. Yet, the pure hatred in his eyes tell a whole different story then what he lets on.

König tends to let it boil inside. Honestly, if you didn't see how intense his stare was when you were talking to them, you wouldn't know at all how he was feeling. That's how he wants it.

Ghost understands, he really does. Being on base so long and seeing someone as attractive as you? He can't fault them at all. But his tightly closed fists hovering over his knife when the recruit gets a little too close reminds them that it doesn't matter if he understands.

Now, the recruit still proceeds. Does he really think he can go up agist them? That he actually has a chance? Or is he just stupid. It really doesn't matter, because they take it as a threat.

The night is dark, and the chilly air slowly seeps into the building, leaving a draft. The hallway is dim, and most people have already left. You would have left too if the new recruit, Kevin, hadn't stopped you.

"Sorry, you're probably in a hurry to get back," he chuckles softly.

You shake your head. "It's okay, what did you need?"

"Well, I just wanted to..." His eyes raise up and he notices someone behind you. Before you can look, he continues in a much more confident manner. "Would you like to go out this Saturday?"

You pause to think about it. "Yeah, okay, sounds like fun!"

He glances back behind you, a prideful look in his eyes.

"Great! I'll text you the information!" He grabs your hand and places a kiss on your knuckle. "Until then, love." He leaves, giving a wink to the person behind you.

You turn to leave, realizing that Simon was behind you.

"Sorry! Didn't see you there!" You give a polite smile and head on your way.

Simon stays there for a while, his dark eyes lacking any emotion.

Ah, so not only is he an idiot, but he also thinks he has a chance and wants to brag about it.

Simon waits for a moment more before pulling out his phone.

Kevin awakes at the loud bang at his door. Slowly, he walks to the door. He knows who it is. You can't flirt with Ghost's interest and get away with it, but he knew that. Kevin almost laughs at how predictable Ghost is.

"I was wondering when you were going to show-" His words were knocked out of his mouth as soon as his door was opened. He didn't predict that Soap and König would be on the other side.

Blood leaked out of his mouth where soap had hit him, and he wondered if he really did fuck up.

"What happened to your smugness? Thought you were askin' for a fight?" Soap stepped into his room. "I've been wantin' to do this for a long while." Soap says, stretching out the word long.

"Pathetic." König's voice rung out, rattling Kevins body. "You thought you were actually good enough for them? You aren't even good enough to feed the worms that live underneath the soil they stand on."

"Are you seriously doing this because of one person? You're fucking crazy." Kevin spits out some blood, "Listen I'm sorry, I was just trying to bang a hot-" His voice was cut off once again by soap's fist, sending him lying on the floor.

"Maybe you only hang around sleezy people, but they aren't somethin' you just bang." Soap sends another punch, this time sending two teeth down Kevin's throat. "Scum."

His scream rings out as König's heavy boot comes down on his leg, a sicking snap following. "It's also unforgivable if you say that you just want to fool her and break her heart."

The sheer force of König's stomp had broken his leg in half.

A new voice appears, as loud footsteps enter the room.

"You learn your lesson?" Simon questions, his eyes holding that same look as before.

"Yes! Please stop, please!" Kevin cries out.

"Good." Simon reaches a hand for Kevin to take. He grabs it, hoping to be pulled up and brought to get help, but his hope is crushed when Ghost yanks him, twisting his arm and swiftly breaking it too.

"Stay the fuck away from them."

You were feeling sour as Sunday arrived. Kevin had gotten into a fight with another new recruit and ended up with a broken arm and leg. On top of that, he would rather run away than admit that he completely ignored you all week.

Your mood shifted when Soap suggested hanging out with Ghost, König, and him. That sounded better than spending time with someone like Kevin. Besides, you always felt safer when you were with them.

At least that's what they wanted you to think.

A/N Note: I'm not feeling this one, but I figured I post it anyways.

#yandere #yandere cod #yandere call of duty #yandere x reader #call of duty x reader #anon #yandere ghost #yandere simon riley #yandere konig #yandere soap

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 months

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Dirty Work 35

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: ah, we arrive at the Odinson stronghold.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

"Remember the rules, pet," Mr. Laufeyson reminds you as you pass beneath an iron archway covered in ivy and roses.

"Yes..." your voice trails off as your mouth falls open in awe.

It's a fairytale. Even more beautiful than his own garden. There's a fountain at the center of the long drive, round hedges framing it and mosaic stone all around. Petals flutter on bushes and grass sprawls all around, marble statues and stone benches speckled over the expanse. The house is built of white brick with figures of sprites and elk along the facade.

"...Mr. Laufeyson," you finish breathily.

"Yes, it is rather marvelous," he says without genuine reverence. "I assume mother will be using it as her venue for Walpurgisnacht, however, she may just as easily book the banquet hall in the next city."

"Oh," you utter.

"Not to worry, she will likely have much sorted out already. It's why I wonder at her insistence that you accompany me. She is ever decisive and much prefers doing things by her own hand," he steers around the curve of the drive and stops just before the steps. "Suppose we must take it in stride."

He flips the engine and it quiets. Birds cheep and insects hum just outside. He unclicks his seatbelt and you mirror him, climbing out just a hair after he does. You turn to gape up at the facade once more as you shut the door gently.

Mr. Laufeyson comes around and heaves, "well, then--"

"Should I get the bags?"

"Don't bother, the help will deal with it," he assures and points you ahead.

He walks beside you, stretching his neck as he pushes his head side to side. He extends his fingers and rolls his shoulders. Still the tension nestles once more in his posture. You take the steps one at a time and fall a pace behind him. He marches ahead to the doors and waits for you to catch up before he pulls it open.

You step inside and quickly slip off your shoes as you eye the shining floor. It's just as immaculate, if not more, than his estate. You try to imagine how long it would take you to clean it on your own. Maybe that's why you're here.

"Darlings," Frigga trills as she appears in an archway to your left, "oh, you have arrived."

She goes to you first and kisses both your cheeks, barely glancing off your chin. Then she turns to Laufeyson and cradles his cheeks as she admires him, "I'm so happy you came."

"Mmm, and father knows we were invited?"

"Of course," she tuts as she draws away from him, "tell me, have you eaten? You were on the road such a long time. I have cucumber sandwiches and some iced berry tea."

"I'm not hungry," Laufeyson mutters as he peers around, almost expectantly.

"What about you, hon?" She takes your hand.

"Um, I..." you look to Laufeyson for your answer but your stomach growls before you can answer.

"Feed her," he says as he flutters his fingers, "get her settled. I think I can keep myself entertained."

You frown guiltily. You didn't mean to disobey him. His eyes dull with that unimpressed haze as he turns on his heel and strides away.

"I believe your brother is outside," she calls after him.

"Thank you for warning me," Laufeyson as he scoffs and disappears through another doorway.

"Ugh, boys," she chides, "pray you only ever have one son, though a brood is never a bad thing."

She turns, her hand still around yours as she drags you through the gilded archway. You let her as you drink in the beauty around every corner and crevice. This is like a dream. You've never seen anything like it. Not outside movies. You remember that one you watched on cable with Anne Hathaway. You only saw half before your father shut it off.

"Please sit," she takes you to the long white island and gestures to a tall velvet stool, "Loki didn't say if you were coming or not. I'm so happy you did."

She releases you and goes to the other counter, takes a scalloped plate and fills it with all sorts of food from platters. She brings it to you and watches you across the narrow island. "So, tomorrow, I must look at flowers. We have a healthy supply in the greenhouse but I think a few exotic breeds would do well. Then we will go to the bakery to arrange desserts and the like. Oh, the winery may need to wait until Sunday..."

She tallies off her to-dos as you nod along. Her own long list jumbles with your own in your head. You blink at her as she prattles on.

"Darling, please eat," she interrupts herself, "anyhow, as I was saying, perhaps we could make a special day of it. A day at the winery then the spa."

You nibble on the corner of the cucumber sandwich, grateful for the excuse not to respond. You doubt she'd hear you if you did. Your stomach roars in delight as you feed it, only then realising how hungry you truly are. You weren't very concerned with your appetite as the motion of the car roiled your stomach but now, you're ravenous.

Your mind wanders back to the long drive. You turn your gaze away, afraid Frigga might see your thoughts. The same sets in as the memory sinks in your brain. You can't believe you did that to him. While he was driving, too.

"Oh, goodness me, you must be so tired and hear I am blabbing your ear off," she clucks, "I forgot the tea... unless you prefer wine."

"Tea," you answer abruptly, recalling the last time you drank. You won't give Mr. Laufeyson any reason for distaste. "Thank you."

"Aw, so polite, dear," she preens, "are you excited for Walpurgisnacht?"

You twist your lips and swallow a mouthful, "um, sure... what is it?"

"My, I didn't even think," she pours a glass of deep red iced tea into a tall glass. She nears you again and places it by your plate. "May Eve. It's a celebration of Springtime, to embrace love and fertility."

"Mm, oh," you furrow your brow. That's odd.

"Yes, we will have many visitors to help us celebrate. And some games too. Mostly drinking and food, as is our way," she explains, "I can't believe this will be your first Walpurgisnacht! How delightful."

You nod and take another bite. It's almost nice how she assumes most things aren't a first for you. How she treats you like somehow you belong here.

"I didn't even think," she taps her manicured finger on the marble, "I should've invited your father. I know he's sick but it is always good to have family close."

You almost choke. You gulp and lower your eyes. You reach for the tea to wash away the sudden bitter taste on your tongue.

"Oh, I hope... I hope he is okay," she says.

"He's... he's fine," you sniff, "he's... mad at me. We aren't... we aren't speaking."

"How tragic," she touches her chest, "Loki didn't say a word. Well, then... dear, are you alright? Where are you staying?"

Your chest sinks. Of course, he wouldn't talk to her about you and explain everything that's gone rotten. You are still just the house manager to her.

"Mr. Laufeyson kindly offered--"

"Oh, I know, I know he would," she sounds ready to cry, "my son can be so caring. It's a pity he holds it in."

"Yeah, uh, it's very nice of him," you pick away a stip of crust.

"I didn't mean to bring up sour grapes," she says, "I'm sure everything will be alright. These things happen. Families fight but they always come back together. Gosh, if only you knew the state Loki left in last time. He and his father had such a row. Not to mention he wouldn't even speak with his own brother for well over a year. Stubborn."

You look at her in surprise. It's not that Laufeyson isn't cold and distant, it's just that you didn't expect all that information dumped on you. You want to ask why but know better than that.

"I only hope things go better this time," she says.

You nod and pick up a grape from the plate. You really hope so too. As long as you follow the rules, it should.

✨

After you eat, Frigga takes you on a tour of the immense house. You don’t remember where most things are as you remain astonished by the grandeur. You can barely imagine spending the night. The thought that she lives here every day is astounding. She is the luckiest woman in the world.

She takes you up the wide staircase with its curved banisters and shows you the upper floor. You yawn behind your hand, caught as she peeks back at you. You drop your hand and smile, flicking your eyes as you try to seem more awake.

“Oh dear, are you tired?” She preens, “let us show you your room.”

“It’s okay–”

“Rest is important, and a part of Walpurgisnacht. It’s about renewal so you must take care,” she reproaches, “I made up a room just for you.”

“You did?” You murmur as she waves you ahead.

“Oh, yes, of course, like I said, I’ve been looking forward to this very much,” she chimes, “just here,” she opens the left side of a double door. You admire the patterns carved beneath the layer of champagne-tinted paint. “I believe the staff will have brought your bags already.”

“Um, thank you,” you smile nervously, “it’s all very wonderful…” You gaze around the room, “it’s too much.”

“Not at all,” she touches your arm gently, “I know my son can be a stickler, whoever knows where he got that from. You are here to enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks,” you rub your palms together, “for everything. It’s so nice.”

“Certainly dear,” she touches your cheek gently, “should you need anything, you can tap this button.” She points to a tiny silver button by the light switch, “Hilde will be around.”

“Hilde,” you nod, “okay. I think I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, you are so sweet,” she preens, “please don’t hesitate to ask for anything.” She squeezes your shoulder, “please make yourself at home.”

She leaves you with a gentle click of the door. You hesitate at the threshold, terrified of tainting the perfection of the room. There’s a four-postered bed, the sort you dreamed about as a girl, with a white frame and bedding in the same hue, trimmed in silver. The night tables have curled feet and a matching wardrobe stands against the wall.

There’s a vase of flowers arranged on the vanity and a rug with dainty roses patterned on it beneath the foot of the bed. Each piece matches the next, gilded in silver, with a touch of colour here and there. The windows are tall and open, letting in the last of the morning hues. You are overwhelmed with the sheer beauty of this place.

Your luggage stands beside the bed. Just yours. Does that mean you’ll be sleeping alone? Perhaps that is for the better. It wouldn’t be seemly for Mr. Laufeyson to be commingling so closely with his house manager.

You should find him and let him know which room is yours. You go to the door and stop yourself. It feels wrong to go off roving through the house. No, you should stay and listen. You’re certain he wouldn’t be far from you. That only makes sense, doesn’t it?

You linger by the door, ear to the crack between the doors as you listen to the house. Nothing more than a distance scuff here or there. Not until you hear hinges catch for just a moment. You hold your breath and try to see between the doors but can’t.

Footsteps, long and deliberate. That has to be Laufeyson, right? You hope that it is. You wait for them to pass before you open the door and peek out. Oh no! It’s not Mr. Laufeyson.

Before you can retreat and hide, the gray-haired man stops. He has broad shoulders and his arms are bent behind him, one hand balled in another. You gulp and slowly pull back but it’s too late as the man pivots on his heel.

“I suppose my son told you it was best to avoid me,” the man says, his tone rigid but not unkind.

“Um,” you let go of the door and step up, slumping your shoulders as you stare at his suede slippers. “No, sir, I only… thought you were Mr. Laufeyson.”

“Mr. Laufeyson,” he scoffs, “you must be the one my wife spoke so highly of.”

“Sir,” you dip your head lower.

“Odin,” he offers as he comes closer, little by little, as if approaching a skittish deer, “father of Mr. Laufeyson,” he snorts and offers his hand, “and your name?”

You accept his hand meekly and mutter your name. He grips you firmly, warmly and gives a short shake. He keeps a hold of your hand and turns it, placing his other hand over your knuckles.

“Let me have a look at you,” he urges you into the hall, “my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be.”

You let him lead you further out. You bite your lip and exhale. You unpinch your teeth and lift your head. You look at him, squirming as he considers you. His steely hair is brushed back from his face and small coils gather behind his ears and neck. His eyes are blue and vibrant, like Thor’s, and his face is creased with and determination.

“Now,” he smiles, “how did my son capture a lovely creature like you?”

“Sir?”

“Please, Odin will do nicely,” he pats your hand, “may I use your name?”

“Yes, s– Yes, Odin,” you correct yourself.

“Wonderful, it’s a beautiful name,” he brings your hand up and kisses it, “it fits you well.”

He finally lets you go and you feel your cheek burn. You don’t know how to react. With everything you heard, you expected a horrible, grumpy old man. Someone like your own father. Yet, he’s just as pleasant as Frigga.

“Thank you,” your lips curve just a little.

“Polite little thing,” he muses, “do you like chocolate?”

“Pardon?” You’re taken aback by his question.

“Chocolate,” he repeats, “Loki hasn’t much of a sweet tooth and the other one would devour them all. I’ve got some truffles, would you like one?”

“Well, I… er,” you rub your neck, “I wouldn’t want to bother,” you stammer.

“Bother? Why ever would I ask if it was?” He dismisses, “you are my guest, I do prefer to know those who are staying under my roof. I would be a shit guest otherwise.”

You scrunch your lips up at his profanity. He notices the wince and he chuckles, bring his fingertips to his chin, “excuse my language.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him, “um, sure, I will have some chocolate… Odin.”

“Ah, wonderful, just this way,” he points you towards the other end of the hall, “this is part of the trap you see,” he says as he ushers you along, “I keep them in my office.”

He laughs and you join in thinly. You’re not sure he’s entirely kidding. He shows you into his office. The decor is wrought in gold and oak. It reminds you a little of Laufeyson’s study in the style, but not the colours.

“You will have your chocolate,” he assures as he closes the door, “but first, you will tell me how you ended up with that son of mine.” He strides around the desk as you hover across from him. He pulls out a drawer as you clasp your hands tight. You can’t tell him everything.

“How…” you utter.

“Yes,” he pulls out a square red box, “he hardly seems your type.”

“Oh, well, I am only his house manager,” you shrug.

“Sure, if that’s what he tells you to say, say it,” he tuts, “but it doesn’t mean I must believe it.”

You drop your head and frown. You’re a poor liar but you don’t dare tell the truth. He sighs and you peek up from under your lashes.

“Not to worry, I keep a promise,” he comes around and offers the open box of truffles, “this one is dark with raspberry, you might like it? Or this one, strawberry and cream,” he points to a dark bulb, then a white one sprinkled with pink sugar, “perhaps you will surprise me.”

You shyly reach for the box and pick out the plainest of the bunch. You thank him quietly and stare at the treat. He knows you’re lying and he’s still being kind. You wish you could tell him the truth, maybe he could help you understand it. Yet, the thought of saying it all out loud suffocates you in flames.

“Crushed toffee,” he says, “my favourite.”

“Oh, uh,” you hold it out.

“No, no, you have it,” he insists as he strolls back around his desk, “I am hardly interested in talking about my son, so let us not dwell on him. Tell me about you.”

“Me?” You blink.

“Yes. Do you read? Do you enjoy music? What are your favourites?”

You stand there, holding the truffle, speechless. You don’t know what to say. You are boring. No one ever cared about any of those things, so much so, that you never much thought of them yourself.

“Please, sit,” he takes his own advice and lowers himself into the leather chair, “enjoy your chocolate, then you may answer my questions.”

#loki #dark loki #dark!loki #loki x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #maid au #dirty work #mcu #marvel #avengers #thor

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ithinkabouttzu · 7 months

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Would they love you if you were a worm? (Easy co. addition)

genre: romance (i guess)

warnings: being a fucking worm

a/n: this is a very random idea and i’m kinda late to the trend but i thought it would be cute so here ya go 😭

Dick Winters: - Yes

- would probably be the best person to take care of you

- Would build you a little garden for you to live in probably

Lewis Nixon: - Doesn’t answer the question because “it would never happen”

- When he does give you an answer it’s a no.

- he would accidentally step on you

Carwood Lipton: - says yes

- but in reality he would probably forget to feed you or something 😭

- would definitely forget about you and then freak out when he can’t find you LOL

Joe Toye: - Tells you no

- but he would actually take care of you surprisingly

- He’d put you in a jar with some dirt and call it a day.

Joe Liebgott: - Tells you that he would love you no matter what

- but he would lose you so quick it’s not even funny

- And when he does find you he’d probably accidentally step on you 😭

Bill Guarnere: - He doesn’t understand the question at all

-“Why would you ever be a worm?” “What kind of stupid question is that?”

- Tells you that he would throw you out to the backyard if you became a worm.

George Luz: - “Probably?”

- He’d be the worst care taker ever

- a bird would probably swoop in and take you bc he wasn’t looking 😭

Bull Randleman: - Tells you no straight up

- “I’d feed you to the chickens” LOL

- Probably would use you as bait to go fishing or sum

Eugene Roe: - he has a hard time imagining you as a worm but when he gets the question he says he would love you either way.

- he’d do something cute like make a little terrarium for you

- If you died he would make you a miniature little grave and bury you ☹️

Floyd Talbert: - Tells you no, then proceeds to ask you the same question

- Then gets surprised when you say no

-“You wouldn’t love ME if i was a worm?” 😟

Skip Muck: - Tells you no, but in a super nice way LOL

- “I’m sorry babe, but I just couldn’t deal with you sliming up the place”

- Would probably still love you though in all honesty

Don Malarkey: -Tells you “sure why not”

- but if the chance came up, he’s using you as fish bait for sureee

- Or he’d accidentally step or sit on you 💀

Babe Heffron: - “i’d stomp on you if you were a worm”

- Has no chill about it, acts like he would hate you if you were a worm 😭

- But in all seriousness he would probably still love and take care of you

Shifty Powers: - Tells you that he’d still love you

- he’d try his best to take care of you

- but he’d probably end up taking you out to the forest and letting you live there instead :(

Frank Perconte: - “no. Immediately no”

- tells you to stop asking him weird questions.

- After some real convincing, he comes to the conclusion that he would put you in a jar with some holes at the top like you would for a firefly 😭

Again i’m sorry if this sucks but i thought it’d be cute 💀 if you liked this make sure to reblog or like! 🤍

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literally-a-waffle-fry · 3 months

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‼️I'm posting my yes man fnv headcanons cause my mooties seem to really like them!‼️ : 3

-yes man is unlabeled, but the closest thing he can see himself as is nonbinary though. He prefers he/they/it, but doesn't really care about what you use on him. He's also Demisexual and bisexual!

- he absolutely loves gifts. Seriously. You could get him even the smallest thing and he'd be soooo happy! He'll also become a lot closer and more defensive over you if you did.

- Since he's not really used to being treated like a person, if you asked him about his thoughts and feelings, he would be so grateful, and his heart would melt. Before his assertiveness upgrade, he wouldn't be able to exactly say no. He can be passive-aggressive enough to get the point across.

-he likes to listen to old pre war holotapes and music, his favorite song is Johnny guitar by Peggy Lee.

- his favorite color is blue! But he also loves green since it's not really a common color to see in the Mojave.

-he loves learning about the flora on the Mojave! If your character has a high science/survival skill, he would love for you to tell him everything! (His circuit board would BURN UP if you made him something out of flowers/gave him a flower)

-since being freed from the Tops casino, he gets very uncomfortable going back or thinking about it.

-his favorite animal is birds! He thinks they're very neat and likes watching them and learning about the different species. He wants to try feeding them, but they always fly away 💔

- likes printing out little images/notes for you. He'll leave them places and loves when you get happy/excited about it. He always worries about you too, sending messages on your pipboy very often when you travel without him.

- if you tell him to divide 0 by 0, he will stare at you and then proceed to shut down.

- he likes fighting quite a bit, it helps him feel so free from his old programming. Throwing general Oliver off the hoover dam awakened this!

-kind of like one of those girl best friends in high school. If someone is causing problems for you, he's gonna get rid of it (so sometimes you have to kinda talk him outta things cause he definitely doesn't mind getting violent over you ahem cough cough)

-sucker for romance movies. Seriously. If he could physically cry he would cry at those sappy old romance movies.

-if you have autism, adhd, etc. Yes man would do his very best to research those things to understand You better! Always asks for your advice too. He also tries to tone down his passive aggressiveness after he learns your autistic.

-after he has his upgrade, he has a lot of new expressions. Surprised, angry, sad, confused, etc.

-he also loves jewelry. If you made him a freindship bracelet, he would never take it off.

-PETRIFIED of insects. Especially cazadors, they freak him out. You have to kill them for him. The only way he'll fight them is from a distance. If he sees a radroach/other insect in the lucky 38, he will SCREAM and beg you to kill it.

#yes man fnv #yes man #fnv

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arthurthethird · 2 years

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First request for @arthurmorgansleftear

I hope this will be good enough since it's pretty much first request I do on here. Please enjoy.

Camp boahs comforting reader after Micah comments on their weight

Gn!reader

The day started calmly. Birds singing, fish swimming, rats wondering around the kitchen.

Speaking of kitchen, you decided it's a good time to get some food. You haven't eaten in a while and a good outlaw has to eat plenty, so you decided it's your time.

Speaking of rats, it so happened that one of the camp rats was sitting there. Not really doing anything else than sipping whiskey, a sight no one can be surprised about.

You calmly ignored him. You learnt that that's the best way for you to go on with your day without having to break his nose.

Yet he always asks for it.

Even now.

As soon as he saw you approaching, Micah immediately grinned.

"Didn't expect you here"

You stay quiet, only giving him a confused glance.

Now, depending on your silhouette, he'll find a way to get under your skin.

Either "Didn't you come here today already?" "And I've been wondering where all the food goes..." "Look at that, you'll soon have to buy yourself new clothes if you keep eating so much!"

Or "first time in a month, ey?" "You finally decided to eat! Everyone thought you're sick" "If you like starving so much, why are we wasting our food on you?"

He has his ways.

And we all know he doesn't have the perfect body either, so you try to ignore him.

Try to.

Of course, it doesn't end well, since you end up trying to hide your feelings.

It hurt. Of course it did, why wouldn't it?

You quickly walk away, not even bothering to actually eat something. You only hear his sickening laugh as you walk away.

He knows he has won.

Arthur's first reaction as soon as he heard that familiar laugh was to check what's going on.

Obviously if Micah's happy, someone's not.

You bumped into him just as he walked towards the place.

His hands landed on your shoulders as he looked down to you.

Now, Arthur might be an idiot, but he can easily read someone's emotions from their face.

You were hurt. Micah was happy.

That bastard.

He looked at you with a concerned look.

"what happened?"

You just mutter that it's nothing. That it's just Micah trying to get under your skin. And that's what takes him over the edge.

Arthur walks up to the blonde rat and punches him right in the face.

While Micah's busy cursing him out, he takes you by the arm, gently, but firmly, and walks to your tent.

You want to ask what is he doing, but before you can, he hugs you.

Telling you that you shouldn't listen to stupid Micah. You're beautiful and everyone in the camp knew that.

Then he brings you a bowl of Pearson's stew.

You try to decline but he basically shoves it down your throat.

"Don't listen to that son of a bitch. You have to eat no matter what."

Charles isn't even bothered at first.

He learned to stay away out of camp conflict, so he couldn't be bothered.

But when he sees that it's you who's stomping away from Micah, he quickly jumps into action.

He walks to you, asking what happened.

Even if you don't want to tell, he makes you.

As soon as he hears what happened, he goes for the rat.

You know that moment where Charles throws Micah because he said something assholish?

Yea, that. He does that.

After that he walks to you and sits you down for a proper talk.

And that means him telling you why the food's important and why you're beautiful no matter how much you eat.

Then he gets some food and goes to his own tent, pulling you along of course.

Proceeds to feed you.

"You need energy. Besides, I didn't caught that deer for you to not try it."

John immediately tries to locate where what is happening.

As soon as he sees you with Micah, he gets up and makes his way over there.

He heard everything while coming over.

Wraps an arm around you, covering your ears and proceeds to curs the snake out.

You stand there, not knowing if you're supposed to cry or laughed.

You just watch Micah's expression go from annoyed to confused.

You didn't even noticed that John leaded you away.

He went outside the camp with you and looked at you.

Proceeds to hug the shit out of you.

Telling you that you shouldn't listen because what you eat is your deal.

And it definitely shouldn't impact on your self image.

For one's he said something smart.

"I don't care what other people say about you, you're goddamn beautiful. And everyone in the camp knows that. Shut up, you can't disagree"

Hosea usually doesn't care about the camp fights.

Prefers to stay out of it unless it includes him directly.

But he heard you mutter something to yourself.

So he raised his head from the newspaper to see what was going on.

Oh boy.

He doesn't do much.

Just gets up, rolls the newspaper, walks to Micah and smacks his head with it.

He ignores the rat cursing him out. Instead walks to you and leads you back to the fire.

Similar to Charles, explains why eating is important, telling you that you're beautiful and who cares about what Micah says.

He gives you a hug, then encourages you to eat something.

If you don't want to, he'll leave you alone.

But definitely will come to check on you every night.

"You gotta eat. So what if someone cares, are you harming them with your food?"

Dutch heard everything.

He was smoking a cigar outside of his tent when he noticed the situation.

Immediately walks there.

"What's going on?"

Micah tries to show the situation to Dutch as lighthearted, but when he noticed the leader isn't buying it, he looked away grumbling.

Dutch proceeds to explain to him that they accept everyone and that he didn't care about Micah's looks when he took him in.

He then takes you to his tent, sitting down with you and asking what was that about.

Talks you through why you think what he said might be true.

Basically a therapist.

He then gives you a hug, telling you to eat something.

"we need you big and strong! Another job's comin'!"

Javier was playing his guitar nearby.

As soon as he sees Micah's mouth open, he stops, turning his full attention there.

As soon as he starts talking, Javier took his guitar, walks there and smacks his head.

Micah will definitely have a bruise, but who cares.

Curses him out in Spanish.

Then pulls you with him back to his tent.

He let's you vent about everything.

Then plays you a song while you lean to him, bummed out.

After that, definitely makes you eat something.

"I know it's hard mi amigo, but you have to try!"

Sean is confused when he sees you walking away without the food.

He didn't hear anything happening, he only knew that you went to eat.

He gets up, going to you.

"where's your food?"

You look at him and mumble you weren't hungry.

He's confused, but then looks over to where you came from.

Ah. Micah.

He narrows his eyes and walk over there. You try to tell him it's okay, but he doesn't stop.

"oi! Don't bother my friend!"

Basically screams at him to the point his accent is too thick to be even able to understand.

It doesn't do much, but you appreciate it.

He then walks over you and cups your cheeks.

"look, I love you Y/N, but I don't want to have to stuff food down your throat"

Tries to make you laugh.

Eventually ends up eating with you so you'll feel better.

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nerdy-spooks · 1 year

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The Lost Boys Headcannons

(This is My First Headcannons list! So enjoy 😁✌️)

David:

•During the Early 1900s he had a Southern accent which he lost by the time the 1920s came around.

•He adores history and will geek out about it, Mostly reads history books.

•Is Mr. Grumpy but will be absolutely soft when he wants to be, He also has a soft spot for animals.

•Considers himself to be a cool gunslinger despite it no longer being the early 1900s, he still thinks he's a cool cowboy.

•He admires Billy Idol and loves his music, that's why his hair is the way it is being Bleach blonde instead of Sandy blonde which is his natural hair color.

•Also He's a Bisexual King.

Dwayne:

•Is Native American, And before joining David's Gang he lived on a reservation with his family.

•Is The Calmest of the group but do not let that fool you he can and will be chaotic when he wants to, especially when it comes to feeding time.

•He was the One that Convinced David to keep Laddie since he's always wanted a family especially a son or a younger brother.

•He's the Smartest out of all the boys, Sometimes when he's not being chaotic he has to be the mom of the group.

•He Adores Classical music but also adores Classical rock from the 50s and 60s.

Marko:

•He's a Bird Dad, Has domesticated his pigeons and he takes pride and joy in raising them.

•Speaking of Birds Marko likes Animals in general, in particular he just really likes birds. He kind of acts like one.

•He's very talented, Can Sew and Paint, he's a real artist he truly has lovely art. Can also cook really good food.

•He's Italian, He Came from Venice Italy to America in the early 1900s, he came from a very rich family (He's not to proud of that since he's a rebel lol.)

•He pretends to Hate Sappy Romance but then proceeds to try to be Super Romantic with His S/O. Expect lots of chaotic yet very romantic beach dates, He loves flirting in Italian.

•He is the most sadistic out of all the boys, is the one who gets in a lot of fights as well, He loves being a feral gremlin when it comes to feeding, loves to tournament his prey.

Paul:

•He's The Rockstar of the Group, no surprise. He loves Guns N Rose's, Twisted Sister, Motley Crue and David Bowie.

•He's Talented with Singing and he Can Drum, he's definitely a rockstar in his own right.

•Loves Music With his whole soul, Loves going to Concerts at the boardwalk. Can and Will stay for hours just jamming, He also Drives the boys mad as he blast's his music.

•Out of all Boys he has the most Humanity, He's definitely the kindest. Of course when it comes to feeding he's probably the scariest.

•He's Definitely a bit of a Himbo, But really he does have his Smarts don't underestimate him.

•Loves Luring his Prey Via flirting or Just being friendly in general, just because he's the nicest out of all boys doesn't mean anything when it comes to his food.

#tlb 1987 #the lost boys #tlb david #tlb dwayne #marko tlb #tlb paul #80s #retro #80s movies #alex winter #brooke mccarter #kiefer sutherland #billy wirth #the lost boys headcanons

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saints-who-never-existed · 5 months

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Rereading The Terror

Chapter Forty-Four: Goodsir

Christ, this is a heavy-going chapter. I'm just going to go ahead and put it all under the cut just in case.

Yet again, Goodsir proceeds to tear my actual heart out with a single opening sentence: "Tuesday, 6 June - Captain Fitzjames has finally died. It is a Blessing."

Fitzjames is far from the first to die on the awful march south from Terror Camp. Hoare died two days into the trek, then Dundy succumbed about two weeks in along with Pilkington on the very same day. In a gut-wrenching wee paragraph, Goodsir reflects somewhat on identity in death - the ways it's lost and reclaimed. He laments that he either forgot or never fully clocked that he and Le Vesconte shared a first name: "I confess that I hadn't remembered that Lieutenant Le Vesconte's first name had been Harry... It bothers me now that I must have heard the Other Officers call him Harry from time to time - perhaps a hundred times - but I had always been too busy or preoccupied to notice. It was only after Lieutenant Le Vesconte's death that I paid attention to the other Men using his Christian name. Private Pilkington's Christian name was William."

After those two deaths, there is a period of relative calm where the men start to convince themselves that the weak have died off and only the truly strong remain. It doesn't last: "Captain Fitzjames's sudden collapse reminded us that we were all growing Weaker. There were no longer any truly Strong among us."

Fitzjames collapses in his harness a few days prior to his death, the poor sod puking and shitting himself inside out - "The cramps curled him into a fetal position and made this strong and Brave man cry aloud."

He tries to haul again the next day only to collapse again and he worsens rapidly from there. His vision blurs, he has trouble swallowing, soon enough he's no longer able to speak and sooner still, he's too paralysed even to lift his arms and communicate in writing. Goodsir reflects that Fitzjames's inability to speak at least spares the rest of the men the burden of hearing him scream in pain any longer... :(((

Perhaps worst of all is that Fitzjames is fully lucid and alert throughout his long painful decline. :(((((((((((

There's truly nothing that Goodsir can do for him - he administers a Tincture of Lobelia, for instance, that is apparently more or less pure nicotine to try to ease Fitzjames's constricted throat. He has to massage it down with his bare hands just like in the show ("...like feeding a dying Baby Bird.") but it doesn't help. "...a Stimulant that Dr Peddie had sworn by. It would raise Jesus from the dead a day early, Peddie used to blaspheme when in his cups. It did no good whatsoever." Of course, I cannot help but think of "I'm not Christ..." in response to that titbit!

At Fitzjames's funeral, the Marines fire a volley into the air, startling a nearby Ptarmigan into flight. Interestingly, the ptarmigan is the official bird of Nunavut and is important to many cultures as everything from a symbol of courage and resilience to a messenger for death. All the assembled men care about, though, is that it's fresh meat they have no hope of catching or consuming...

With poor James buried, talk turns to what killed him. He had scurvy, of course, just like everyone else but Goodsir suspects a more nefarious culprit - poison. In their initial discussion on the subject, Crozier's suspicions fall on Richard Aylmore - shady steward, mastermind of the Carnivale, frequent confidante of Hickey - who's been serving the Erebus officers in the weeks preceding. But Goodsir stops him, thinking Botulism the more likely culprit (although the limits of the time period prevent him fully understanding it or calling it by that name): "That is the Terror of this Poison that Paralyzes first the voice and then the entire body. It cannot be Seen or Tested For. It is as invisible as Death itself."

Crozier smiles at that ("It was a strangely chilling sight.") and orders that everyone except Aylmore be taken off the tinned food rations, just in case...

Needless to say, Goodsir is more shaken and more desolate than ever to hear that as the chapter draws to a close: "Every time I believe I Know one of these men or Officers, I find that I am wrong. A million years of Man's Medicinal Progress will never reveal the secret Condition and sealed Compartments of the Human Soul."

#The Terror #The Terror AMC #Observations #Random Observations #Meta #Rereading the Terror #Terror Spoilers #Harry Goodsir #James Fitzjames #Francis Crozier #Richard Aylmore #Henry Le Vesconte #William Pilkington

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obscure-imaginations · 5 months

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Yuletide Blessings, everyone! Been doing my best to dodge religious trauma this season. Have a Yule headcanon post.

Gift giving among Kain and his lieutenants. Tried to keep it canon-friendly but a couple modernish items slip in (it was too funny to not put!) VERY long post, SFW, cut for space.

What Kain gets...

From Raziel: Was tempted to give him nothing, but relented and got him a fruit-scented candle.

From Turel: A handcrafted metal hair pin with a bat motif.

From Dumah: A crochet sweater. (It's too small.)

From Rahab: Shiny crystals he got from the lakes.

From Zephon: Spider-themed cupcakes. (Kain is a bit afraid to eat them.)

From Melchiah: A handmade card and a box of expensive chocolates.

What Raziel gets...

From Kain: An extremely expensive fragrance oil, the kind the Razielim would make.

From Turel: A crystal carved into a bat. (Crystal provided by Rahab.)

From Dumah: A crochet miniskirt. (He was trying to make pants but couldn't properly account for Raziel's thighs so he gave up there.)

From Rahab: A swimming skirt from the Rahabim. Now Raziel can swim with them all!

From Zephon: A scarf made of the finest silks. (Dumah accuses him of being a ripoff.)

From Melchiah: An essential oil diffuser.

What Turel gets...

From Kain: Shiny crystal earrings (crystals provided by Rahab).

From Raziel: A mug that says "#1 Pit God". (It was for a heavy metal concert but it counts, right?)

From Dumah: Gave up on crochet and got him a bat plushie.

From Rahab: A stained glass window hanger. The motif is a bird.

From Zephon: An ancient copper sword found in the depths of the Cathedral.

From Melchiah: A beaded necklace to attach to his glasses (so maybe Turel will stop losing them).

What Dumah gets...

From Kain: Candles with woody scents.

From Raziel: A fireproof metal box. (No one laughs.)

From Turel: An obsidian dagger.

From Rahab: Tickets for an aquarium. (Dumah is very excited to ramble with Rahab about the various fishies!)

From Zephon: A giant weighted blanket.

From Melchiah: A puppy. They talked about it first so Dumah could be prepared. Now Dumah has a sweet puppy to dote on.

What Rahab gets...

From Kain: A giant trilobite fossil. (No one knows where he got it and they are too scared to ask.)

From Raziel: A suncatcher in the shape of a fish.

From Turel: Replacement windows for the Abbey.

From Dumah: Oil for his rotary engine in the lighthouse.

From Zephon: A waterproof pouch made from spider silk.

From Melchiah: Fossilized coral he found in his territory.

What Zephon gets...

From Kain: A 'Phantom of the Opera' mask.

From Raziel: A clown mask. (Zephon proceeds to use it to scare small children.)

From Turel: A small metal spider statue.

From Dumah: A crochet shawl that looks like a spider web.

From Rahab: Dried fish to feed to his spiders.

From Melchiah: A tarantula he found wandering about in his territory. (Zephon names it 'Corpse'.)

What Melchiah gets...

From Kain: Fancy cologne.

From Raziel: Flower essential oils.

From Turel: A beautifully crafted metal cane for when Mel is in between limbs.

From Dumah: A pair of crochet earmuffs.

From Rahab: Needles made from bone.

From Zephon: A GIANT box of mints. (Melchiah is excited to snack upon them.)

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 5 months

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A Lament over Zion

1 Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a spring of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people!

2 Oh that I had in the wilderness a lodging-place of wayfaring men; that I might leave my people, and go from them! for they are all adulterers, an assembly of treacherous men.

3 They bend their tongue, [as it were] their bow, for falsehood; and they are grown strong in the land, but not for truth: for they proceed from evil to evil, and they don't know me, says the LORD.

4 Take you heed everyone of his neighbor, and don't you trust in any brother; for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbor will go about with slanders.

5 They will deceive everyone his neighbor, and will not speak the truth: they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves to commit iniquity.

6 Your habitation is in the midst of deceit; through deceit they refuse to know me, says the LORD.

7 Therefore thus says the LORD of Hosts, Behold, I will melt them, and try them; for how [else] should I do, because of the daughter of my people?

8 Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks deceit: one speaks peaceably to his neighbor with his mouth, but in his heart he lays wait for him.

9 Shall I not visit them for these things? says the LORD; shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this?

10 For the mountains will I take up a weeping and wailing, and for the pastures of the wilderness a lamentation, because they are burned up, so that none passes through; neither can men hear the voice of the cattle; both the birds of the sky and the animals are fled, they are gone.

11 I will make Yerushalayim heaps, a dwelling-place of jackals; and I will make the cities of Yehudah a desolation, without inhabitant.

12 Who is the wise man, that may understand this? and [who is] he to whom the mouth of the LORD has spoken, that he may declare it? why is the land perished and burned up like a wilderness, so that none passes through?

13 The LORD says, Because they have forsaken my law which I set before them, and have not obeyed my voice, neither walked therein, 14 but have walked after the stubbornness of their own heart, and after the Baalim, which their fathers taught them;

15 therefore thus says the LORD of Hosts, the God of Yisra'el, Behold, I will feed them, even this people, with wormwood, and give them water of gall to drink.

16 I will scatter them also among the nations, whom neither they nor their fathers have known; and I will send the sword after them, until I have consumed them.

17 Thus says the LORD of Hosts, Consider you, and call for the mourning women, that they may come; and send for the skillful women, that they may come:

18 and let them make haste, and take up a wailing for us, that our eyes may run down with tears, and our eyelids gush out with waters.

19 For a voice of wailing is heard out of Tziyon, How are we ruined! we are greatly confounded, because we have forsaken the land, because they have cast down our dwellings.

20 Yet hear the word of the LORD, you women, and let your ear receive the word of his mouth; and teach your daughters wailing, and everyone her neighbor lamentation.

21 For death is come up into our windows, it is entered into our palaces; to cut off the children from outside, [and] the young men from the streets.

22 Speak, Thus says the LORD, The dead bodies of men shall fall as dung on the open field, and as the handful after the harvester; and none shall gather [them].

23 Thus says the LORD, Don't let the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, don't let the rich man glory in his riches;

24 but let him who glories glory in this, that he has understanding, and knows me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness, in the eretz: for in these things I delight, says the LORD.

25 Behold, the days come, says the LORD, that I will punish all those who are circumcised in [their] uncircumcision:

26 Mitzrayim, and Yehudah, and Edom, and the children ofAmmon, and Mo'av, and all that have the corners [of their hair] cut off, who dwell in the wilderness; for all the nations are uncircumcised, and all the house of Yisra'el are uncircumcised in heart. — Jeremiah 9 | Hebrew Names Version (HNV) The Hebrew Names Version Bible is in the public domain Cross References: Genesis 27:35; Leviticus 26:32-33; Deuteronomy 28:29; Deuteronomy 28:64; 2 Chronicles 7:19; 2 Chronicles 36:17; Psalm 12:2; Psalm 52:3; Psalm 55:6-7; Psalm 83:10; Psalm 107:34; Psalm 119:136; Proverbs 25:18; Isaiah 1:24-25; Isaiah 10:3; Isaiah 22:4; Isaiah 32:9; Isaiah 41:15; Jeremiah 4:19; Jeremiah 7:28-29; Jeremiah 12:6; Lamentations 3:48; Matthew 9:23; John 3:19-20; Acts 7:51; Romans 1:21; Romans 2:25; 1 Corinthians 1:31; 1 Corinthians 15:34; 2 Corinthians 10:17; Revelation 8:11

#deceit in the land #unrepentant sin #God's judgment #lament over Zion #Jeremiah 9 #Book of Jeremiah #Old Testament #HNV #Hebrew Names Version Bible

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mister13eyond · 11 months

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I just saw the oc ask game, sooo what about 8,11 and 40 for all three of the boys!

OUUUH THANK YOU!

Uncommon OC Questions 8.) What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child ?

Vin: Demons (and angels) don't really HAVE childhoods- they just kinda spring fully formed into existence one day- but I'd say he was most frequently scolded for zoning out/daydreaming, and would be told to pay attention/stop fidgeting!

Asphodel: Same as above, they were never necessarily a CHILD, but when they were a newly born angel, I think they got scolded for the childish habit of constantly asking why?. Being an angel is supposed to be about faith and devotion, so their curious streak was seen as questioning authority (eventually, it WAS)

Ves: Undoubtedly to stop bringing in animals from outside. I think he was the type that was constantly trying to rescue cats/dogs/injured birds, and his family did NOT need one more mouth to feed (as they could barely manage what they had) so he'd get scolded for it and told to throw them back out. He, uh, never really did get any better about that, he just collects wayward mafiosi now.

11.) How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Vin: Blank, head-empty stare. He does spend a SOLID chunk of his existence in a state of mild confusion (things are very strange and incomprehensible for a sheltered demon experiencing the world for the first time) so his tendency is usually to go "Huh! I have NO IDEA what that means!" [proceeds about his day unbothered]

Asphodel: Obsessive research. The moment they don't understand something they start digging into any sources they can find, hoping to assemble an answer, and this usually leads to a LOT of research, often hunting through multiple sources to try and find the most reliable. Which is a bit troublesome when it comes to more abstract, less easily researched things like feelings, opinions, personal decisions etc. Whoops....

Ves: He's the type to press someone for info- it can accidentally veer into "interrogation" territory if he's too wound up about something, but he's one to ask questions and to insist on someone explaining themselves, giving him satisfactory answers.

40.) How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Vin: Absolutely unaware they exist in the slightest. Completely unbothered, assumes he is perfect and cute and likeable and there's nothing wrong with him ever so anyone who is being mean to him is just being rude smh. When he DOES make mistakes, he tends to see it as an unfortunate one-time thing- like "oh, I messed up, but whatever, I'll get it right next time." Pretty unflappable in his self-esteem.

Asphodel: Simultaneously deeply aware of SOME of their flaws, and completely insistent that others don't exist. Aware they're high-strung and unsociable, and sensitive about it- easily embarassed when they feel they've overreacted or been too emotional in a situation where they'd have liked to be 'logical'- but also insists they don't have a superiority complex and they ABSOLUTELY don't look down on others because they hold everyone to the same unattainable standards they hold themself to (they do, and they do)

Ves: Generally views himself as a flawed mess of a man trying his best; he's pretty remorseful about a LOT of things in his life, and he's equal parts "it's not too late for me to change" and "i'm a bullheaded old man and you can't teach an old dog new tricks." There are certain things he absolutely refuses to budge on, and others that he realizes are flaws and always tries to correct himself/catch himself in; he's generally of the opinion most people are kind of a mess in one way or another, so he's not necessarily harsh on himself or his flaws as he's also pretty tolerant of them in others, as he can be forgiving to a fault sometimes.

#my ocs #my oc #ask meme #oc meme #headcanons #oc headcanons #vin #asphodel #vesuvio #vesuvio bruciato #and they were roommates #vin and asphodel

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shadowqueen402 · 2 years

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Lance Acting Like A Cat (Part 3)

Here are more silly scenarios on the elf-kitty being a cat.

Sana: *Hums as she feeds the birds*

Lance: Finally, a worthy opponent. The battle will be legendary. *Chases after the birds*

Sana: No, Lance! Stop! Leave the birds alone! *Chases after him*

Lance: *Keeps on chasing the birds up the tree* You can't escape me. I am speed itself.

Sana: Lance, get down from that tree! You better not knock any birdhouses or nests down!

Eis: *Sets a glass of water down*

Lance: *Eyes it and tries to grab it*

Eis: *Pulls the glass away* You have your own water, Lance. This is mine.

Lance: This water is freshest. I must drink it. *Keeps trying to get it*

Eis: Balan! You better come get this cat! *Keeps moving his glass away from Lance*

Attilio: Lunchtime! I am starving! *Suddenly smells somthing horrible coming from the bathroom before he could eat his food* Ugh! Lance! Did you really have to use the bathroom before I eat!? *Covers his nose*

Lance: *Comes out of the bathroom* The toilet is full. Now flush it, human.

Attilio: My eyes are watering! What did you eat!?

Lance: That casserole I ate from Iben's plate was definitely delicious… I shall eat more from now on.

Attilio: No more casserole for you!

Bruce: *Asleep*

Lance: It is 3:00 am and the elderly human is asleep? Perfect time for me to run from one random room to another one. And for no reason. *Proceeds to do so*

Bruce: *Wakes up* Lance, could you keep this down? I'm trying to sleep.

Lance: *Keeps running around the theater, knocking things down in the first place*

Bruce: How does Balan put up with this…?

#balan wonderworld #lance #sana hudson #attilio caccini #eis glover #bruce stone #funny

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loominggaia · 2 years

Note

The crew goes to a McDonald’s, what would their orders be?

(I haven't actually been to McDonald's in like 20 years so I had to look up their menu lmao)

Evan: Orders just...literally everything. Big mac? He'll take four with extra cheese. Fries? Two boxes and supersize them. McNuggets? 100-piece, no less. Soda? One of each flavor. Fuck it, throw a few McChickens and apple pies in there too and wash it all down with six hashbrowns. The receipt ends up longer than Evan is tall. He helps himself to a fistful of condiment packets on the way out. Employees hate him.

Lukas: Orders a black coffee and slowly sips it for hours while he sits at a table writing poetry like a douchebag.

Glenvar: Tries to order a "McWhisky", is then informed that isn't a thing. Settles for a filet-o-fish and a McFlurry.

Alaine: Flirts with random dudes until she gets one of them to buy her a combo meal. Ghosts him afterwards.

Jeimos: Apple slices and hot tea. Proceeds to empty no less than ten sugar packets into the tea. Fixes the perpetually-broken ice cream machine before they leave.

Isaac: Orders a happy meal just to get the toy. Eats like one fry and feeds the rest to the birds in the parking lot. Runs amok in the PlayPlace until he gets stuck in one of the tubes because he is 17 years old. The employees have to call the fire department to get him out. Realizes he lost his toy somewhere in the tubes and gets stuck a second time trying to find it.

Linde: Orders a salad because she's "eating healthy". Washes it down with a 700-calorie caramel frappuccino.

Balthazaar: Spicy chicken sandwich, large fries and a soda. Slams the soda in one gulp then refills his cup by mixing a little of each flavor on the soda machine. Absolutely destroys the bathroom afterwards.

Skel: Orders falafel. Employee informs him that McDonald's doesn't serve falafel. He is outraged and demands to speak with a manager.

Javaan: Loiters around the dining area until someone gets up to use the bathroom, then steals their food. Presents the food to the cashier, claims there's a hair in it and he wants a refund. Receives free money then goes and spends it at Wendy's.

Elska: Asks for a sausage biscuit. It's 2pm. The employee is too intimidated to tell her breakfast ended at 11 so they just make her one anyway.

Mr. Ocean: Sustains a conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue out front for 20 minutes before he realizes it wasn't a real person. Decides to keep talking to it anyway. Only has 50 cents so he just eats a ketchup packet and a sticker from the sticker machine.

Zeffer: Hiding out in the bathroom so he can yank random people into the stall and feed off their blood.

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #askliterature #askfunny #askcuisine

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angelojamal · 4 months

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”Oh, that my head were waters, And my eyes a fountain of tears, That I might weep day and night For the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh, that I had in the wilderness A lodging place for travelers; That I might leave my people, And go from them! For they are all adulterers, An assembly of treacherous men. “And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies. They are not valiant for the truth on the earth. For they proceed from evil to evil, And they do not know Me,” says the Lord. “Everyone take heed to his neighbor, And do not trust any brother; For every brother will utterly supplant, And every neighbor will walk with slanderers. Everyone will deceive his neighbor, And will not speak the truth; They have taught their tongue to speak lies; They weary themselves to commit iniquity. Your dwelling place is in the midst of deceit; Through deceit they refuse to know Me,” says the Lord. Therefore thus says the Lord of hosts: “Behold, I will refine them and try them; For how shall I deal with the daughter of My people? Their tongue is an arrow shot out; It speaks deceit; One speaks peaceably to his neighbor with his mouth, But in his heart he lies in wait. Shall I not punish them for these things?” says the Lord. “Shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this?” I will take up a weeping and wailing for the mountains, And for the dwelling places of the wilderness a lamentation, Because they are burned up, So that no one can pass through; Nor can men hear the voice of the cattle. Both the birds of the heavens and the beasts have fled; They are gone. “I will make Jerusalem a heap of ruins, a den of jackals. I will make the cities of Judah desolate, without an inhabitant.” Who is the wise man who may understand this? And who is he to whom the mouth of the Lord has spoken, that he may declare it? Why does the land perish and burn up like a wilderness, so that no one can pass through? And the Lord said, “Because they have forsaken My law which I set before them, and have not obeyed My voice, nor walked according to it, but they have walked according to the dictates of their own hearts and after the Baals, which their fathers taught them,” therefore thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: “Behold, I will feed them, this people, with wormwood, and give them water of gall to drink. I will scatter them also among the Gentiles, whom neither they nor their fathers have known. And I will send a sword after them until I have consumed them.”“

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭9‬:‭1‬-‭16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

”Thus says the Lord of hosts: “Consider and call for the mourning women, That they may come; And send for skillful wailing women, That they may come. Let them make haste And take up a wailing for us, That our eyes may run with tears, And our eyelids gush with water. For a voice of wailing is heard from Zion: ‘How we are plundered! We are greatly ashamed, Because we have forsaken the land, Because we have been cast out of our dwellings.’ ” Yet hear the word of the Lord, O women, And let your ear receive the word of His mouth; Teach your daughters wailing, And everyone her neighbor a lamentation. For death has come through our windows, Has entered our palaces, To kill off the children— no longer to be outside! And the young men— no longer on the streets! Speak, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Even the carcasses of men shall fall as refuse on the open field, Like cuttings after the harvester, And no one shall gather them.’ ” Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, Let not the mighty man glory in his might, Nor let the rich man glory in his riches; But let him who glories glory in this, That he understands and knows Me, That I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight,” says the Lord. “Behold, the days are coming,” says the Lord, “that I will punish all who are circumcised with the uncircumcised— Egypt, Judah, Edom, the people of Ammon, Moab, and all who are in the farthest corners, who dwell in the wilderness. For all these nations are uncircumcised, and all the house of Israel are uncircumcised in the heart.”“

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭9‬:‭17‬-‭26‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

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wtfcraigslistnyc · 9 months

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GILBERT CROCKETT

AKA

GILBERT KILL BERT*

Putting the banana pepper in the butthole

GARGLING

THE SPUNK OF NEPTUNE

WHILE

ROLLING IN THE CØDY

It’s a web we try to explore with brave hearts

FEEBLE KNIEVEL RIDES AGAIN

BUSTER KEATON IS EATING PEOPLE IN A LAVISH PALATIAL CABOOSE

THE WHISTLE BLOWS

CUZ THEY ALL KNOW

WHAT TIME IT IS

WHOSE LINE IS IT?

WHO’S KEEPING TIME?

WHO’S RUNNING LATE TO THE STARGATE?

WHO ZIG ZAGS IN PARALLELS

LESS OBVIOUS

BOBBING FOR APPLES

IN A TUB FULL OF PYTHONS

EYES ON THE PRIZE OR YOU

COLLIDE WITH THE SERPENT’S TAIL

AS THE CYLONS BEAM UP SCOTTY

AND FEED THE PEOPLE

A STILL TWITCHING BODY

TO DEVOUR

A SIGNIFICANT SHIFT IN

ULTERIOR MOTIVES

BBQ’D SUPPLE FLESH

AND FRAGRANTLY FRAGRANT

SCENTED VOTIVES

LIT WITH VILE INTENTIONS

Sucking the fart out of a dog’s asshole then blowing it out over the flame

Casting

DOG FART FIRE ZILLA BREATH

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Cheese and Tobacco breathe

Words are whispered through broken teeth

More jagged and haggard

Devoid of vowels

Extinguishing the spark

Leaving only the watchers

To wander like old

Moles in the dark

Squares are made then

Paved and laid in

fabergé gelle’

Epoxy and left to set

For years as a

Decrepit security guard

Protects the slab

From feet and incursion

Salivating like a basset hound

Splashing murky puddles

Of drool too cool

To forget but too

Wet to penetrate

The undulating membrane

THE STUDENTS ENTER

THE THEATER OF PAIN

OR OPERATING CHAMBER

TO BOLDLY BEHOLD

THE MEDIEVAL DENTISTRY REVIVAL

The DR enters the space

And claps his hands

Dropping the soiled ether soaked rag

He had entered gasping at while

Desperately strutting

To build the dynamic tension

Required to summon

The frenzy

The sadist BERT who would

Be the subject and star of the ritual that

They had all paid handsomely

And eagerly awaited …

THE DR BEGAN

TO MAKE ANIMAL NOISES

BECAUSE HE COULD HEAR

THE VOICES COMMAND

HIM TO FIRE UP THE BUZZ SAW

AND DIVE RIGHT IN

BERT lumbered

Through the chamber’s doors

And belted out a roar

Like the king of the PRIDE

Cornered and ready to strike

The DR faced BERT

Whose eyes were disguised

Beneath his full face

Leather mask

Exposing only his mouth

HE DREW A DEEP BREATH

AND EXHALED A ROAR

THAT CONTAINED THE WHOLE

OF HIS BEING

The students joined in

As they had been instructed

The sonic human

Dissonance coalesced into a

Thick slurry of sound that

Made BERT sleepy and

Eager to lay down

With BERT in his

Throne and the room bathed

In screams the DR proclaimed

That the moment of truth was here

From a shiny steel tray

He removed a stainless steel

Pair of pliers

And proclaimed his

Blood right to commence

The RITUAL

BERT nodded in agreement

AND the crowd began to COO

The DR thrust the pliers

Into BERT’s wide open maw

And clutched a rotten molar

Like he was reaching elbow

Deep into the River bank

OKIE NOODLING for a giant CATFISH

He struggled and sweat reaching

Further still

into his hyperextended face

BERT’s eyes glazed and calm

In a trancelike state of NIRVANA

The DR squeezed with all his might

And looked wildly through the crowd

Searching for the look of approval

He required to proceed

When the moment was prime

He let out a scream

And violently ripped

The tooth from the

Joyously twitching BERT

Who whimpered and snickered

In excruciating pain

BERT was an

UBER-SADOMASOCHIST

BERT felt lost prior

To stumbling into the good DR’s life

The DR had promised a whole new

Universe of pain

That BERT had been

Quite eager to experience

At first the DR refused to remove ANYTHING

He insisted that he needed to

Earn the privilege of EXTRACTION

The drilling and scraping

Would appease his pain

Temporarily but soon enough

He would wallow in his own filth

Making the DR vomit

Directly into his mouth

Like a Momma bird

When dinner is served

Eventually though his discipline

And undying dedication to the

Vicious pain he craved so desperately

Was rewarded.

The DR took an old rusty drill

And bore deep into his corroded

Gum line like an OIL RIG’s diamond

Tip bit penetrating the cold

Calm earth beneath our feet

HUNGRY TO STRIKE THE BLACK GOLD BELOW

BERT was happy that he’d

Been set free from the shackles

Of desire and pain

Free to dream of screaming

And twitching but never bitching

Because the pain was all he knew

As the the DR thrust the gleaming

Steel pliers skyward

And proudly exclaimed

BERT’s name.

At first quit gentle but

Rapidly escalating in

Volume and fortitude …

DR GILBERT CROCKETT was

The master of ceremonies

In the the universe

He presided over

In terse verse

THE MEDIEVAL DENTISTRY REVIVAL

WAS A SUCCESS

BERT

Noun;

a submissive persons who demands depriving treatment and generally will pay for the pleasure.

BOTTOM

EARNING

RESPECT

TODAY!!!

GIMP is dead. BERT LIVES!! Hear BERT roar the glorious battle cry for inclusion and respect SUB culture globally.

8.10.23

Follow for more work — IG: @UZIEGO | TUMBLR: @WTFCRAIGSLISTNYC

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comatose--overdose · 3 years

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After getting into an argument with the family, Jason gets magically turned into a cat while on patrol. He retains his human mind but recognizes a golden opportunity when he sees one and so he pretends that he didn't.

He proceeds to knock every single item off of every single shelf in the bat cave and Bruce's office.

He makes Tim watch as he pushes his favorite mug off the table

He's huge and he's FLUFFY. Solid black except for a white spot in the middle of his forehead between his ears and at the very tip of his tail. Big boy, weighs like 20 lbs and it's all muscle.

"This isn't a house cat, it's a fucking long-haired mini-panther" -Tim, before Jason promptly starts chewing on his shoelaces and unties them so he trips.

There are hairballs in most of Bruce's shoes, and even one on Dick's favorite pair too.

He pees on Tim's bed.

Any time anyone tries to pet him he immediately sticks his ass in their face

He considers catching the tiny gray mouse that's been driving Alfred insane for the last two weeks but he can't bring himself to do it because it turns out the mouse is actually very sweet. Her name is Millie, and she wishes Gotham wasn't so cold. But the Manor is warm and there's so much to eat, she's never had a home this wonderful before. Jason can relate. He carefully sets off all the mouse traps hidden around so they can't hurt her. Alfred just stares when he goes into the pantry only to see his grandchild, as a cat, curled up napping with a mouse. Jason looks up and actually glares at him. Unbelievable.

She shows him all the little nooks and crannies and pathways that are much too small for humans. Jason now knows the Manor better than even Alfred.

(when he's human again, Jason carefully catches Millie, who seems to still recognize him, and keeps her safe and happy with a big warm habitat and lots of food. Jason always remembers who his friends are, even if they can't communicate anymore)

He repeatedly steals meat from Bruce, Stephanie, and Duke. He'll wait until they aren't looking and then drag it off their plate and trot off to enjoy his pilfered meal (sometimes he shares with Cat Alfred or Millie). Dick just gives him some of his because honestly, Jason's a little shit but he's never been more adorable and he's still his little brother. Big Birb feeds the little wings.

They start making him his own plate of meat because one, they got tired of theirs being stolen (not that that stopped) and two: they only had to make the mistake of offering him regular cat food once to know to never try it again

(Bruce had to spend a fortune on new furniture and curtains AND Tim needed stitches from all the biting, because of course he was the one who tried to feed him cat food.

"What?! He's a cat! I thought he'd like it!"

It nearly broke his cover but fuck that, he was not eating that shit. Baby bird gon' learn today.)

He finally spends some time bonding with Jarro

Every time someone uses a laptop or the batcomputer he lays all over the keyboard and rolls around, refusing to move.

Bruce is just.... Covered in scratches. Jason swipes at his ankles every time he walks by, Bruce tries to pet him and he latches on with all four paws and teeth. He'll deliberately lay traps the old man can't resist, rolling over to show his belly and Bruce falls for it every time. Weak.

Just open the goddamn door and let him into the garden, please, he is NOT gonna shit in a box. He'll shit in your shoes first, Steph.

It turns out Alfred the Cat is a wonderful conversationalist. He is also friends with Millie and has been trying to bring her to Damian's attention for a while now so he can protect her.

(Jason tells Damian this later, who then gives Cat Alfred ALL the scritches and offers to help Jason look after Millie if he ever has to be away for an extended period of time)

Titus is a good boy who doesn't give him any trouble, but for the time being, he tries (and often fails) to avoid Ace. Not because he's hostile, but because he still recognizes him as Jason and COVERS him in spit. He will not stop licking him. Alfred has to give him a bath because Ace licks him after getting into some peanut butter and honestly Jason has never been more disgusted in his life because it's EVERYWHERE but Cats Don't Like Water so he takes two Ls back-to-back there. The yowling made everyone worried he was dying and they all came running, but he was just being Dramatic™️

(He can't be mad at Ace tho, he knows he's always been Ace's favorite. Ace is a sweet boi)

Every time he breaks something, Tim threatens to have him neutered.

"The price of the next mug is gonna be your balls you furry little asshole."

He pees in Tim's bed again.

The only ones he doesn't terrorize are Alfred, out of respect (mouse protection aside), Cass, because She Somehow Knows and is just letting him have his fun without spoiling it, and Damian, because resisting his Disney Princess bullshit is honestly the most likely thing to immediately give the game away to everyone else. Plus, Dami may be a brat but he's not gonna scratch a kid on purpose and besides, he's honestly never been nicer to Jason. Figures he has to have fur and four legs for the Demon to show some affection.

Roy catches wind of what's happening because Dick's got a big mouth when it comes to things like this and so he shows up to see it for himself and everyone is LIVID when he's the only one (other than the aforementioned three) allowed to pet Jason and rub his belly without getting clawed. Boyfriend privileges, bitches.

As soon as Jason and Roy are alone for a few minutes, Jay starts tapping out Morse code and lets him in on the act so he can help him cause chaos and jealousy.

Oh he just loooves Roy, just loves laying in his lap and rubbing their faces together and flopping over against his side, even licks him on the cheek. Look how cute he is guys, just a cuddly little cat, don't you just wanna hold him and squeeze him and give him scritches? But you can't!! But Roy can.

Dick and Bruce are fuming. Tim is starting to figure out they're being conned but he can't prove it, goddammit.

Roy's just enjoying the cuddles and snuggles. Jason isn't usually this affectionate when other people are around. Jay may be a cat right now, but Roy will take what he can get.

He will chase the laser light. For appearances. Only... Only for appearances... Must...catch...fairy....

Catnip is the best damn thing in the world, holy SHIT.

There's nothing Zatanna or Constantine can do, the spell just has to wear off, but he gets two weeks of (mostly) consequence free mischief in the meantime.

[More Cat!Jason posts here]

#cat!jason #jason todd #batfamily #batfam #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #stephanie brown #duke thomas #cassandra cain #alfred pennyworth #roy harper #jayroy #jarro

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