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jackmfvegas777 · 3 years

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Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

#trans man #transguy #trans boy #transgender #trans ftm #ftm trans #trans male #ftm #ftm tips #transgender tips #transgender guide #ftm guide #lgbtqa #lgbtq #lgbt #trans guy tips #social transition #trans guy guide #coming out

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kaashiboo · 3 years

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hiii i hope u have a nice day! how would akaashi and kita react if their s/o cries because of how much they love them?? idek if that makes sense nsnsm but i hope u understand ! byeee stay safe

haikyuu boys reacting to you crying because of how much you love them

┇ akaashi and kita

→fluff

gn!reader

【warnings: none】

✎ a/n: AAAH this is the first ever request that I've gotten so i was really excited when i saw the notification heh:') i really appreciate the request! i hope i did well on this oneee. stay safe to you too! <3 and thank you for your patience because i know this took a long time hehe.

akaashi

you were patiently waiting in the library for akaashi as he offered to study with you for the upcoming exams but since he still has practice, you decided to just wait for him.

you had a mental debate with yourself whether you should start studying already or just use your phone— and you obviously choose the latter.

you stared at your wallpaper, it was a candid picture of akaashi crouched down with bread crumbs on his palms as an attempt to feed the birds. it was honestly such a lovely experience.

a wide grin never left your face. a sigh of contentment escaped from your lips. you propped your elbow on the table, resting your chin on your palm as you continually scroll through your album named 'memories with keiji<3'.

you stop scrolling for a while, starting to realize how lucky you are to have akaashi in your life. memories of you two together flooded your mind and you start tearing up.

"love, try feeding the birds. just try not to... look scary." he teased, you let out a loud and offended 'huh?', startling some of the birds and he gave you an i-told-you look.

"y/n, sweetie. i bought snacks for you since i heard from the school's nurse that you were having some bad cramps."

"sweetheart, it's okay to cry. i'm here now, you don't need to hide your feelings from me because i would always be more than willing to help you, okay?"

"you did great, my love! i am so proud of you. i love you."

you hadn't noticed that akaashi was secretly watching you from afar until you heard a soft thump on the floor and you quickly looked up at him.

"kei—" you were about to greet him but he immediately embraced you.

your eyes widened in surprise, rubbing his back soothingly. "is there something wrong?" you whispered softly, your other hand making its way to play with his hair.

"shouldn't i be the one asking you that?" he pulled away, cupping your cheeks in his hands and wiped your tears with his thumb and you finally noticed that you were crying the whole time.

"oh no," you laughed a bit. "i'm alright, keiji. i was just overwhelmed." you tried explaining but he was still reluctant at your response and so you picked up your phone that you placed on the table as soon as you caught sight of his presence.

"see? i was just looking at our pictures. i swear, i didn't mean and i never even noticed that i started crying." he finally relaxed. sensing that you were still in a good mood.

"but why were you even crying in the first place?" you slowly turned your head to the side where you can't see him. too embarrassed to answer but he held your chin between his thumb and index finger, slowly guiding your head to face him.

you knew you could have looked away but you couldn't help but to just stare back. "i love you." you blurted, causing him to smile.

"i love you too, sweetheart. but i don't think that answers my question."

"well that was my answer." you saw his smile turn into a small smirk, "i don't think i understand what you're trying to imply, my love. could you please explain it more?" you playfully pinched his cheeks before planting a kiss on the same spot.

"it's okay to cry, love." he muttered.

kita

"how has he been?" granny yumie looked at you adoringly as you prepared a bento box to bring to kita as he was still in practice.

"he's been treating me better than anyone could, granny." you answered honestly.

"that's good to hear, y/n-chan, but i think i would love to hear you talk about him more. come on, it's just the two of us." she insisted. you chuckled before wrapping up the food you had prepared before sitting down on the floor across her. ready to give in and do what she requested.

"shinsuke is a very lovely boy, granny. truth to be told, i was very intimidated when i first bumped into him and the way he looked at me weirdly because i was the one who apologized when he spilled his drink on me,” you laughed as you thought about it.

“but he was also kind enough to lend me his jacket before he rushed off to practice and i was thankful for it because i at least had the reason to find him and return him his jacket.” you glanced at granny yumie who was intently listening to you talk.

“and the day after that, i returned his jacket but he insisted that i should keep it,” you paused again, smiling a bit before pointing at the jacket you were currently wearing. “it’s this one.” you said before continuing with your story.

“and because we were in the same year, he would always give me his notes even though i don’t really need them— well i kinda do need them since i don’t like writing. not only that but he offered to always walk me home.”

“granny, i wonder how he’s able to pull off that kind of thing?” you bit your lips, trying to come up with an answer.

“what thing, dear?”

“he may not be the most affectionate person in the world but i still feel so loved whenever i’m with him. he’s not like me who always craved their partner’s touch but even so, he still manages to show that he cares and that he loves me very much and i am beyond grateful to have him. he’s so patient and understanding with me.” you pouted in a playful manner, trying to hide the fact that you were close to crying.

you’ve never had problems with talking about your relationship with kita to other people but this conversation with granny yumie is different since you were used to talk about the two of you casually but this time, nothing but sincerity lingered in the air and you couldn’t help but swallow the lump in your throat that was starting to build up.

“ah, i think they would have their break in a few minutes soon, granny. i should probably go ahead now.” you excused yourself.

“be careful on the way, y/n-chan.” she reminded you.

“will do, granny! thank you for helping me prepare shin’s food.” you bowed and left hurriedly.

once you are out of the house, you let the tears stream endlessly, clutching tightly onto the fabric wrapped around the bento box to not accidentally let it go.

you were walking at a fast pace not until someone held your shoulders, forcing you to look up.

“y/n?”

“shin!” you yelped in surprise, wiping your tears with the back of your hand before smiling at him.

“wait why are you here? aren’t you supposed to be in practice?” you narrowed your eyes. realizing that he was wearing a new t-shirt.

“i could be asking you the same question, darling. but to answer yours, we ended practice early.” he let go of you before scanning your face completely and you felt like melting under his gaze, “do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“it’s a ridiculous reason, shin. it’s fine.” you insisted before holding your hand out for him to get the food that you made for him and he gladly accepted it.

“nothing is ridiculous if it’s you, y/n. especially if it’s your feelings. you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?” he grabbed your wrist gently, pulling you to the bench near where you two were standing and pushed you down to sit.

shin: y/n, good morning. please do not forget to eat breakfast.

shin: hello. i heard from your classmates yesterday that you would have a quiz later. do not forget to review. if you need my help, just call me.

shin: the nurse told me you were sick. don’t wait for me anymore, we decided to not have practice today. i’ll pick you up from your classroom then walk you home and take care of you.

shin: y/n, love? suna just sent me a screenshot of the songs you’re currently listening to. are you sure you feel fine?

“love. i know that you are great friends with the twins but is it okay if you tell them to not always smother you especially when you are with me?” kita said. trying to keep his tone remain usual but the hint of bitterness was still there.

you felt him squeeze your hand when you chuckled at him. “of course, shin. i’ll make sure to tell them that. i’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.” you reassured.

you’ve heard kita sigh for the fifth time ever since he arrived at your house.

“shin? is something bothering you?”

“y/n. i know i may not be the most affectionate person but please do not hesitate to initiate affection for me.” you couldn’t help but smile at him. completely placing your phone down on your bed.

“of course, baby. do you have a particular reason that made you say that to me?” you asked, worried.

“you haven’t hugged me ever since i got here.” you almost could not hear him but his straightforward attitude never failed to amuse you and so you pulled him into a tight hug immediately.

“love?” you heard him utter once again and you finally snapped out of your trance. tears threatening to escape once again.

“please tell me what’s wrong.” he looked at you worriedly.

“i love you.” you smiled.

“i know. i love you more, y/n. but i am still concerned about you.”

“nothing’s wrong, shin. don’t worry. i was just thinking of how lucky i am to have you.” he chuckled at your statement.

“is that why you’re crying?” you nodded as a response, laughing awkwardly.

“well, i think that is an odd reason, y/n. however, i know that crying is not only caused when a person is sad. it can be caused my numerous reasons but i think i would rather see you smile.” he gently wiped the tears away with his handkerchief that you two bought together at a mall when you had your first date.

“you still have those?” you pointed at the piece of fabric and he nodded.

“of course i do. i keep everything that has anything to do with you— oh no, love, please stop crying.” he slightly panics.

#kaashiboowrites #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #akaashi x reader #akaashi imagines #akaashi fluff #akaashi scenarios #akaashi keiji #kita x reader #kita imagines #kita fluff #kita scenarios #kita shinsuke #haikyuu headcanons

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is-it-madness · 3 years

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Metal Fingers

A/N 1: This fic is for my lovely beta/bestie @wowjeena Heyyo, would you be up to writing a soulmate au with Bucky? You can choose which type of soulmate au but can you make the reader a normal person (so not an Avenger or anything related)?? Thanks girl and if you don’t wanna that’s chill 👉🏼👉🏼 So... it’s not exactly a soulmate au, but I hope this is okay instead ☺️💜💜 I’m also so sorry it took so long. I hope you like it, my dear.

A/N 2: The Bucky Barnes Exhibit states he was born in 1916, but at the bottom where it gives his life span, it says he was born in 1917. I googled it to find the correct year, and it said 1917… I don’t know what to do with that information, other than to tell you guys there’s a mistake in the movie.

A/N 3: I apparently couldn’t make this a one shot, so it’ll be a multi part story. I’m aiming between 3-5 parts

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x single mom!reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.5k+

~~~

Part 1

A Fallen Comrade.

James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes

Born in 1916, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom. Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front. Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, deprivation and torture. But his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood friend, Steve Rogers, now Captain America.

Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America’s newly formed unit, The Howling Commandos. Barnes’ marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed Hydra bases and disrupted Nazi troop movements throughout the European Theater.

He knew these words. He read and reread them dozens— if not hundreds— of times. He wrote them down in every one of his notebooks as he was scrapping, searching for his memories that were just out of his reach. He could nearly taste them. They fluttered teasingly in front of him: close, but not close enough for him to snatch out of the air of uncertainty.

He pulled a fresh notebook from his bag and a pencil, worried away from teeth and words.

Start with what you know…

My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I was taken captive by Hydra and was used by them. I know a man named Steve. He was my friend.

He trailed off. This is where he always was left floating in a sea of not knowing. He was left grasping for more. He was a starved man, empty without his memories. The few he managed to uncover did little to tide him over from insanity. He bit at that familiar indentation on his pencil, trying to think of something, anything at this point that was more than those four simple sentences he’s written everyday for the past several weeks. Sighing and pulling his baseball cap lower in frustration, Bucky returned his supplies to his bag, stood, and swung it over his right shoulder. Eyes low, and clutching his bag, Bucky made his way towards the exit of the crowded museum. Ever since the Potomac, this section of the Smithsonian was more packed than usual.

Nearly there. Nearly there.

It was an understatement to say that Bucky Barnes didn’t like crowded areas. Too many bodies, pressing, and pushing against each other, loud noises, pointless conversations discussing mundane things.

Nearly there. Nearly ther—

“Oof!”

He wouldn’t have noticed the boy that ran into him if his bag hadn’t slipped from his hand, spilling out the contents onto the floor. Bucky hurriedly crouched to retrieve his precious memories. He barely registers the boy picking up the items that had strayed a bit further.

“Here you go Mister! I’m sorry for bumping into you like that.”

Bucky silently takes his belongings back from the little boy standing in front of him.

Bucky unintentionally begins to analyze him.

Probably seven or eight. Bright eyes. Tousled hair. Skinny. Doesn’t clear 100 pounds soaking.

He shakes his head. Stop. No more.

“Whoa, cool! Metal fingers!!”

Bucky quickly retracts his fingerless-gloved hand.

The boy pulls his hand from his sweatshirt pocket. “Yours are cooler, but I have metal fingers too! Well, actually it’s a metal arm because the doctors had to get rid of my real one because I got hurt super bad, but I think it’s really cool.”

The boy said this all extremely fast, Bucky had to blink a few times to register what he had said. A compliment? For his hand? A hand that’s maimed, killed, and caused so many people to suffer?

“Uh… I… I have a metal arm too.”

The little boy’s eyes widened even more. He wasn’t sure what made him do it, but Bucky took off his glove and showed it to the boy.

He took Bucky’s hand in his and stared at it, looking back and forth at Bucky’s hand and his. Bucky stood there stiffly, unsure how to respond. The boy looked up at Bucky solemnly.

“Do you have super powers?” he whispered.

Bucky couldn’t help but crack a smile at his seriousness, but before he could answer, a woman came running through the crowd.

“Noah!”

The boy turned to give her a lopsided grin. “Hi Mom!”

“How many times have I told you to stay by my side, young man?”

The boy, Noah, dropped Bucky’s hand and took a step closer to the woman. “Sorry. But Mom!”

A raised brow silenced Noah. The woman looked up at Bucky.

“I’m so sorry if he was bothering you. He’s very social.”

Bucky forgot how to speak for a minute. The woman standing in front of him was… well, he’d never seen anyone as beautiful as her. Bright, sparkling eyes confirming where Noah got his from, a soft voice, and a sweet smile.

“Oh, uh, no. I mean, he is. I mean‒” When was the last time he had gotten tongue-tied?

Bucky cleared his throat, forced himself to try to ignore the sweet smile that was widening, and tried again. “He wasn’t bothering me. We were just talking about‒”

“His metal arm! Look at it, Mom!” Noah hurries back to Bucky’s side and holds his mechanical hand. “Look how awesome it is! And it’s huge!” He started poking Bucky’s upper arm and gasps. “And so are his muscles!! I bet he could crush anything!”

Noah began miming picking up heavy objects or crushing imaginary things, complete with sound effects. Bucky doesn’t miss Noah’s mother’s eyes widen slightly when Noah pointed out how massive his biceps are.

“Noah, honey, why don’t we go check out the exhibit?”

“Oh yeah! Let’s go, Mom!” He nearly takes off again before giving his mother a sheepish smile.

“What did you do?”

“I… I turned our map into a paper airplane.”

“And?”

“And... it… flew out of my hands?”

“Mm hmm. I see. Well, I guess we’ll just have to come back another time.”

Noah gasps and clutches his mom’s hand. “No! Please Mom! Don’t do this to me!!”

Her laugh causes Bucky’s heart to skip a few beats, and it frustrates him that he doesn’t know why.

“Which exhibit are you looking for?”

Noah looks at Bucky and salutes. “We’re here to see the Mister Captain America exhibit.”

“I could take you guys there.”

What. On earth. Gave him that idea?!

“Woo! Let’s‒”

Noah’s cheer was cut off by his mother. “Oh, no that’s okay. I’m sure you’re busy and you probably have something to get to you.”

She’s right… Why did I even offer in the first place? I can’t‒

“It’s not a problem. I was heading over there right now actually.”

Jesus! What’s wrong with me?

Noah grabbed his mother’s hand and followed Bucky to the famed exhibit.

~~~

“So, I take it Noah’s a fan of the Captain?”

The beautiful lady standing next to him nodded. “Yeah, Noah loves him; really looks up to him.”

“Makes sense, he’s a good guy.”

“Sounds like you’ve met him before.”

“You could say that.”

They were pulled away from their conversation when Noah ran up to them, grinning.

“Mom! Look how skinny Steve was! And, and his friend? Um… Bucky? Yeah! Bucky! He would always help Steve out because Steve would always get in fights! So Bucky would come and have to save him!”

Noah then proceeded to animatedly tell his audience how Steve became the Captain and fought in the War. When he went to go read the display in front of Steve’s motorcycle, Bucky turned back to the woman.

“Is this his first time here?”

She nodded and smiled. “I promised I would take him when I had a day off. He’s been waiting for weeks.”

A pause.

“How ‘bout you?”

“What?” Damn that smile! He got distracted.

“I take it this isn’t your first time here?”

“No, ma’am.”

Her giggle caused his firm expression to slip into a small smile.

Bucky spent the rest of the afternoon showing Noah around. He learned that Noah and his mother had been in a terrible car accident two years before. The injuries Noah sustained to his right arm were irreversible, thus leading to an amputation, a prosthetic arm, and even though she didn’t say, expensive medical bills burdened on his mother.

When the museum closed, Noah was asking his mother when they’d be able to return.

“I’m not sure baby. How about next weekend?”

Noah did a little dance showing his affirmation. Then he looked at Bucky.

“Will you be here too, Mr. James?”

“Uh, yeah sure kid. I’ll be here.”

Noah fist pumped as his mother said goodbye to Bucky.

~~~

Holy shit. Holy shit!

You had been trying to keep your cool ever since you found Noah with James. You were eating dinner and you still hadn’t gotten over him. That man was fucking stunning. Blue, blue eyes that were filled with such sorrow, a smile that made your insides flutter, and a deep voice you were willing to listen to for hours on end. Soft and sonorous. And he was so sweet and kind with Noah. That alone had you taking a liking to him.

“Mom?! Mom!”

“Oh— sorry, baby. What’s wrong?”

“Thanks for taking me to the museum.”

You ruffle his hair. “Thanks for being so patient for me.”

He smiles as he shovels pasta into his mouth.

~~~

My Ride or Die:

@lehuka123 @thejournalman @myraiswack @loki-yoursaviourishere @rebloggingeverything @just-the-hiddles @confetti-its-an-imagine-blog @thehumanistsdiary @fanfictionaries @astheworlddturns @bbarnestan @buckyfan12

#bucky fic #bucky barnes #bucky fluff #Bucky Barnes fic #Bucky x you #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes fluff #bucky x single mom #Bucky Barnes x single mom #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky fanfiction #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Metal Fingers #thea writes #Metal Fingers part 1

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myhockeyworld87 · 3 years

Text

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 5

Word Count: 5,690

POV: Reader and then switches to Jamie

Warnings: Language, but that’s about it, at least from what I can remember

Notes: So I just want to thank everyone for their patience with me as I took some time off. I’ve still been writing, so hopefully you’ll see your favorite stories pop up here and there. Happy reading!

Sidenote: Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

READER'S POV

"I'm sorry what did you just say?" you asked Emma, as you had to have heard her incorrectly when she said that you should get under someone in order to get over Jamie. "Because, you were there in high school, that didn't work out the best for me."

"That's not what I meant."

"But it is what you said, that I should just go hook up with some random guy. Em, I love you, babe, but I am not going down that path again. I do not need to be known as the doctor that sleeps around."

"Oh my god, would you shut up for one minute?" You went radio silent, after she practically yelled at you through the phone, though you suppose that your voice had gone up maybe a decibel or two. "I didn't mean for you to go fuck some rando at the bar. Actually, I meant…and hear me out before you say anything," she paused and you had a feeling that you weren't going to like what she said next no matter what it was. "I think you should sleep with Jamie."

"WHAT!?!"

"Yeah, that was a little loud. I think you might have woken up Caleb. Shh, go back to sleep babe," you heard her mumble to her husband.

"I'm sorry but are you crazy? Maybe I called you too early and you're not fully functioning without coffee. Or should I call Dr. Kaplan and have him examine you."

"Your neurologist, friend? No." She sounded a bit indignant at the mention that she needed her brain examined for suggesting a thing, but really what were you supposed to think when she made stupid remarks like you should go sleep with Jamie. "I asked you to listen before you passed judgment on me. God, you think you were a judge instead of a doctor so something."

"Well, you have my full attention. So please explain, before I have you committed to the psych ward." She scoffed at you, which only made you say, "You know I can medically do that."

You could almost hear her eyes rolling through the phone. "Yes, but who would you call this early in the morning when you have a problem." She had a point. "Exactly. Now, let me explain. You and Jamie never really resolved anything. He said things, you got upset, he never answered the phone, so you broke it off with him, yadda, yadda, yadda. You get my point." It seemed a whole lot more complicated than a few yaddas. "But there was never any closure for either of you there. It just sort of ended." Emma was right about that, after hearing that he only was seeing you for sex, you didn't want to speak to him at all. "It was obvious then, that he still had feelings for you, even if you didn't want to see it. And don't kill me here, but I think it was obvious that you still had feelings for him as well, and that maybe you still do." You didn't exactly know how you felt about Jamie at the moment, but waking up in his arms did feel right. "Let's face it (Y/N), you've compared every guy you've ever been with to Jamie."

"I have not." Had you?

"Ok, we're skipping all the douches in high school, because you and I both know you never slept with any of them. Yes, I know what everyone said, but I was also your best friend and I know you. The worst you ever did was give Carter Williams a blow job behind the bleachers after a football game." Oh, Jesus, she did not need to go down this road listing all your sexcapades from high school or after that. "I'm talking about Bryan, the perfectly good looking, studying to be a heart surgeon, boyfriend that you gave up for no other reason then you said he wasn't tall enough."

"I did not break up with Bryan because he wasn't tall enough and you know it."

"It was a factor, along with his hair not being dark enough and you hating his sense of humor."

"The man made stupid heart surgeon jokes that not even anyone in the cardiothoracic department got."

"True, but you also told me he was lousy in bed, and I believe that was another complaint you had about Tomas, Dylan…oh and what was his name…you know the one you said that you had to use your vibrator the minute he walked out the door because he couldn't get you off."

"Isaac," you told her and there was a blush creeping to your cheeks. Suddenly, you were regretting Emma being your best friend.

"Yes, Isaac. If I remember correctly that happened more than once with him. How you kept him around for four months is beyond me. You're a doctor woman, you can show him where the clit is, you know? Just take his hand and place it…"

"Thank you, Dr. Emma, I know where my clit is."

"But he didn't," she let out a bark of laughter that was so contagious you had to join in. Once you both calmed, Emma came right back at you about Jamie. "Look, he was your first love and maybe the sex wasn't as great as your sixteen-year-old mind remembers. Maybe you just fuck Jamie and that's all it is, a fuck, or maybe it's more. At least this way, you won't be holding him on some pedestal like he's a Greek god or something."

Maybe she was right and you'd been holding on for fourteen years thinking that what you and Jamie had was this truly magical once and a lifetime thing when in reality all it had been was sex. Let's face it, what your sixteen-year-old self thought was love could've been nothing more than lust. "I never thought he was a Greek god."

"Please, I was always envious about how you had this romantic first time. I mean mine was in the back of Kyle's jeep, and before you say anything he didn't know where the clit was either."

You both giggled again, but then you had to remind her of how things had ended. "It wasn't romantic when he said those things about me."

"He was sixteen (Y/N). I'm not making an excuse, but it's time to build that bridge. Maybe he's changed, maybe he hasn't. I'm not saying for you to give him your whole heart. I'm just saying, find out if what was there, was truly that once in a lifetime love or was it just this idea that you've been holding on to."

"But what if…" you stuttered while Emma waited for you to continue. "What if…I still love him, and he breaks my heart, again."

"(Y/N), that's the chance we all take when we open our hearts to love. You don't think that I felt that way with Caleb? That sometimes I still don't feel that way." She sighed. You could tell she was struggling with how to put her feelings into words. "He could walk out the door and leave me here alone, and my heart would break into pieces, but the love I have for him is so much greater than that fear." She made it sound so easy, but all you could remember was how completely hurt you'd felt when things had gone wrong with Jamie. "I know you're scared, and that's why you've closed your heart off for so long, but (Y/N) I promise you the minute you open it back up, your life is going to be even better than it is. And maybe it's Jamie that deserves your heart and maybe it's not, but you'll never know if you don't try."

"I know," you whispered weakly, for you really did know that. If it wasn't Jamie, it was going to have to be someone eventually, because you didn't want to be alone forever. It was just that gnawing fear in the back of your mind that Jamie would hurt you again as he had before. "I just don't want to break into a thousand pieces again."

"You won't (Y/N), and if you do, I'll be on the first flight to Dallas to help you pick them up." She would be, you knew that for sure because you couldn't ask for a better friend than Emma. "And I'll kick his ass as well." That made you laugh considering that Emma was five foot four, and Jamie was just over six foot. It would make for an interesting matchup, but you knew that Emma would take him down no matter the size difference.

"Thanks, Em."

"I just want you to be happy, (Y/NN); happy and in love, and I just have this gut feeling that Jamie can make that happen." There was only one way to find out, and that was to open up more to Jamie. It wouldn't be easy but after this little talk, you were willing to try. "Now, enough about this, because you're going to follow my advice. So tell me how everything else is going? Do you like work? Is it everything you thought it would be?"

"And so much more." You spent the next fifteen minutes catching up with each other before she kicked you off the phone to go make rounds at the hospital. Despite not having that many patients of your own at the moment, you were still looking after all of Dr. Lundin's. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon when your phone rang, Jamie's name popping up on the screen. For a minute, you thought about not answering it, but then you remembered your conversation this morning with Emma and quickly hit the accept button. "Hey, Jame."

He seemed a bit startled that you answered. "Oh, hey (Y/NN). I was just giving you a call about a couple things."

"Ok, what's up?"

"Well, first off, I found your dress in my bathroom this morning."

"Oh shit, I totally forgot that I left it in there." You'd laid it over the tub last night when you changed, something that you did at home all the time. You had every intention of picking it up before you left, but then you'd fallen asleep and well, it kind of got lost in your mind as you freaked out over possibly having feelings for Jamie.

"It's no biggie. I hung it up in my closet." He paused as if he'd said something wrong. "Just so it didn't wrinkle anymore." Well, look at him being all domesticated.

"Thanks, that's sweet of you. I'll stop over and get it sometime from you."

"Oh, ok or I can bring it over. Whatever is easiest for you. I also wanted to see if there was a good time to reschedule that visit to the AAC? We kind of didn't get to go over my map too much last night. Plus, my artistic skills are a little rusty."

You'd forgotten all about the tour, but it would be a good excuse to spend some more time with Jamie to see where your feelings were. "Let me check my schedule." You switched him to speaker and flipped over to your calendar. "Oh, I'm headed to Jessi's tomorrow night to take her stitches out, so that won't work. Um, let me see about the next day."

"What about tonight?"

"Oh, tonight?" You weren't sure if you were ready to face him just yet, but a little voice, that sounded an awful lot like your best friend, told you there was no time like the present. "Yeah, I can do that. I was just getting ready to leave here in about ten minutes. What time were you thinking?"

"Whenever I'm free the rest of today, so if you just wanted to come straight here; that's fine."

This was really not the timeframe you wanted. You hadn't even taken any time this morning to do anything special with your hair or makeup, as you'd spent too much time talking to Emma. Though it wasn't like Jamie hadn't just seen you with drool on your face, wearing his sweats and your hair a complete disaster. Anything would be an improvement over that. It was that thought that had you saying, "Sounds good. I'll see you in about twenty minutes then."

"Ok see you soon." You hung up and then quickly went to add at least a bit of lip gloss and mascara to your face.

It was about twenty minutes later that you were pulling into your garage and then walking the short distance to Jamie's. This time foregoing parking at his place. He opened the door before you even had a chance to knock. "Hey, (Y/N). How's it going tonight?"

It seemed like a loaded question when he was standing there dressed in a pristine white dress shirt, his chest hair peeking out from where he'd undone the first couple buttons. Suddenly, your mouth went dry. When you were sixteen, Jamie didn't have a hair on his chest. Well, maybe there were one or two that he was awfully proud of, but they really didn't count. This was just another sign of how much he'd changed and grown into the man that stood before you today. You'd hoped he'd changed in other ways as well. "Much better tonight. My feet are all ready for you to give me the grand tour."

"Alright, then let's head out." He had his car in the garage, so you followed him through the house to the SUV. In true Jamie Benn fashion, he came over and opened the door for you. It was something he'd always done when you were younger, as his mom had instilled those gentlemanly courtesies in him. It was weird being in the car with him again. Part of you kept waiting for him to grab your hand and hold it like he used to and you found yourself glancing down every so often at his large fingers gripping the gearshift instead of your hand.

He pointed out different landmarks as you passed and told you that despite what the navigation system said this was the fastest way to get to downtown from your house. The two of you chatted the whole entire time, while the music played softly in the background. "So, you're going to want to use this gate." Jamie was saying right as his playlist changed to a song from the movie Frozen.

"So, are you are an Anna or an Elsa fan?" you teased.

"What?" It was then that he realized what was playing, and quickly changed the song. "I have that on here for my niece."

He pulled into the players' parking spot, "Uh huh, sure Jame. Admit it you like the movie." He shut the car off and you both got out.

"I may have watched it with Soph once," he said sheepishly and your heart warmed at the idea of him sitting there with the little girl watching one of Disney's hit movies. You always knew that he would make a great dad, and having that song just proved it.

You were walking side by side now and you couldn't resist dancing around him, while you sang the lyrics. "Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore." You were walking backward not having a clue where you were going as you continued. "Come on Jame, sing with me. You know you want to…Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door."

"Stop," he chided but had a grin a mile long on his face.

You twirled around him another time, hands dancing along his arm. "I don't care what they're going to say," you belted out; the words echoing off the cement walls around you. "Let the storm rage on…"

"The cold never bothered me anyway." Jamie sang finally joining you. You bouncing up and down as he sang with you, not paying attention as your eyes were focused on him and not where you were going. He reached out and grabbed you right as you started to trip on a large cord that was behind you. "Careful there Elsa." Your hands went to his chest, your palm resting where his heart was racing, as his slid around your waist and pulled you in close to him. Pressed up against him, you couldn't help the urge that came over you to kiss him; he was just so close, and his eyes were smiling into yours, and it felt like the perfect moment to test the waters out. So, you slid your hands just a little further up his chest, and you raised up on your tiptoes so that your lips were mere inches from him, and then your watch chimed again; the damn thing reminding you to breathe, and the moment was lost.

You dropped back down onto the balls of your feet but still kept that smile plastered on your face. "Thanks for saving me Olaf," you said and tapped his chest, before stepping out of his embrace.

"Olaf? I was thinking more Kristoff."

You tapped your finger on your chin, looking him up and down. "You're right, I was wrong. You're definitely Sven."

"The reindeer?"

"I knew you've watched that movie more than just once with your niece."

You were finally at the door, and Jamie was entering a code to get into the building since there wasn't anything going on at the AAC today. "Ok, you got me, but really Sven?"

"What's wrong with Sven? He's sweet, kind, lovable…" Shit the moment the word came out of your mouth you wanted to take it back. Of course, Jamie was lovable too but you weren't sure you were ready to be the one loving him. There was too much uncertainty in doing that just yet. You coughed trying to cover up the slip of tongue and then added, "He's also oddly quiet when there are people around. Kind of like someone else I know."

He raked his hand through his hair, an action that your fingers longed to do. "I'm only that way around people I don't know…and the media." You knew this about him, of course, because you'd watched a few of his interviews. His answers were always clipped and short, which sometimes gave the impression he was standoffish, but then he would throw a little comment here and there and the real Jamie would come out. "But anyhow, we should be getting on with the tour."

"Lead the way."

JAMIE'S POV

Had she really just called you lovable? Moreover, had she just been about to kiss you? That damn watch of hers kept beeping at the most inappropriate times and it was maddening. Something had changed since she'd practically run out of your house this morning. You weren't sure what, but she'd definitely let her guard down some, and you were all for it. You knew it was going to take baby steps to get back into her heart, but those steps seemed to be coming more and more frequently and you weren't complaining.

You were surprised when (Y/N) agreed to the tour tonight, for you thought for sure that she'd avoid you at all cost after you had fallen asleep with her on the sofa last night. It was the last thing that you intended but she had felt so right in your arms, that you'd just let yourself get caught up in the moment. God, she looked so adorable this morning, hair messy, with her cheeks all rosy from sleeping on you, and then how she was wearing your sweats; there was nothing that you wanted more than to see her like that every day for the rest of your life. Baby steps, you reminded yourself.

The tour around the arena went pretty well. You showed her everything that you could think of, ending the tour in the training room, just as you had the other day. She was taking everything in, noticing that Dave and his crew had implemented all the ideas she had talked about the other day. "Everything look ok?"

"Oh yeah, they did an amazing job." She was opening drawers and checking supplies.

"Well, I guess that's the end of the tour then." You glanced down at your watch to notice that it was almost six o'clock. You were definitely going to hit rush hour traffic. "If we head out now, it'll probably take us an hour to get home. Maybe a little less, if I hurry."

"Oh, do you have to be some place?"

"Um…no. Why?"

"Well, you're all dressed up, thought maybe you had a hot date or something." There was a tremble in her voice that usually wasn't there, and you had to wonder if she asked the question in hopes that you weren't seeing anyone.

"No, no hot date. I actually…" Shit, now it was your turn to get all tongue-tied. "Well, I mean…I thought we could have dinner downtown here and really celebrate your big surgery."

"Oh!" There was a bit of shock in her voice. "I mean last night was perfect. You don't have to take me to dinner, after everything you did."

You raked your hands through your hair again. It was a bad nervous habit, that served as a distraction while you tried to think of something to say. This time there was nothing clever that came to mind. "What if I want to take you to dinner?"

The corner of her lip picked up on the right side of her face, that was the first sign she gave, telling you that she liked the idea. It got you excited that she might just agree, to the plan you had, but then it seemed like she was getting into her head, as she took a moment to think about your offer. "You know what?" It wasn't really a question, so you remained quiet. "Dinner sounds amazing, but only on one condition." You cocked a brow at her, silently asking what that was. "I get to buy."

"Oh no, I asked you out." Oh shit, that came out wrong, you didn't mean it to sound like you'd asked her out on a date, that for sure would scare her away. "Besides my mom would kill me if she found out I let you pay," you quickly added hoping that it would cover up your blunder.

"Hmm," she mused. "I guess we'll just have to see who has the quicker hands when the check comes then." That sure sounded like a yes to you.

"You're on, but I plan on winning."

"We'll see," she said as she headed out the door of the training room. "Now, let me see if I can remember how to get out of here." She led the way out to the car and you only had to direct her one time, which was pretty good considering it took you a week to find your way around the place.

The restaurant was one of the finest Dallas had to offer, and one of the main reasons why you didn't want (Y/N) paying, though you were sure that wouldn't deter her from trying. Being that you weren't sure if (Y/N) was going to say yes to dinner, you didn't have a reservation, though when you slipped the maître d a hundred-dollar bill and your name; you were suddenly shown the nicest table in the place, one that was quiet and out of the way. Conversation between you and (Y/N) flowed easily, as did the wine, though you made sure not to drink too much as you'd be driving the two of you home. It also helped you grab the check when the waiter brought it at the end of the night.

"That's not fair." (Y/N) chided as your long arms reached out and snagged the leather pouch out of the man's hands, who looked a bit taken back by the action.

"You said whoever had the fastest hands."

"Yes, but I clearly had more wine than you, which limited my ability, and now I'm convinced you did that on purpose." She was always so adorable when she pouted, but right now you just wanted to kiss those pursed lips and you were having a hard time holding yourself back from doing just that.

"One of us needed to drive home, but you didn't protest when I poured that last glass."

"Well, it clearly didn't help my motor skills that's for sure. Though please mark it down, that I am paying next time." Next time? So, she planned on going out with you again. You were making more headway than you thought.

You decided to forge ahead while she was in such a good mood, as you were coming close to running out of excuses for the two of you to get together. "And when would this next time be?"

"Um, I'll have to check my schedule, but maybe I could cook you dinner next week. You know as maybe a thank you for helping me." She sat there across from you with this shy little smile playing across her lips. The look all too tantalizing, for it was doing things that it shouldn't to your nether regions.

"Dinner at your place huh? Sounds like an offer I can't refuse." You paid the bill and then the two of you headed out. The drive back was fun, as the two of you continued with your flirtatious banter the whole way home. When you turned onto your street, disappointment reared its ugly head as the night was coming to an end. You wanted to spend more time with her. Hell, if you were being realistic you want her to fall asleep in your arms again so you could hold her all night long. You pulled into the garage, then got out of the car to help (Y/N) out.

"Thanks for everything today, Jame. Including dinner which I was supposed to pay for."

"You know I can run some drills with you to sharpen your hand-eye coordination if you want." There were also some other drills you'd like to be doing with her in the bedroom.

"Well, I may just take you up on that." The two of you were standing in the driveway, not knowing how to end the night. If this was truly a date, you'd walk her home and maybe kiss her, but would she smack you if you tried that now? "I should be getting home. Thanks again for everything." She started down the drive, walking at a leisurely pace.

"Hey (Y/NN)," you called out and she turned back towards you as you trotted up beside her. "Can I walk you home?" She gave you a curious look, and it did sound rather funny considering she lived only two doors down, but you weren't ready for your time with her to end just yet.

You were just about to stumble through how it was just for safety, when she said, "Sure." You smiled at her and the two of you started the extremely short walk to her house. "You know, tonight was a lot of fun."

"Yeah, it really was." You wanted to say it reminded you of old times, but you didn't want to bring up the bad ones that also went with that. "We should do it more often."

"I'd like that." (Y/N) was shocking you at every turn tonight and you weren't sure what mystical force was in the air but you prayed that it didn't go away and make her hate you again. A comfortable silence fell over you both, it was one that you had with her long ago, though back then it was as if you could read each other thoughts. Now, you weren't sure what was going on in that complex mind of hers but if it continued to lead her on a path towards you; you weren't going to question it.

You were just about to her front door, and damn if that didn't feel as if the two of you were speed walking over, even though you were strolling at a leisurely pace. Again, you searched for something so that you wouldn't have to leave her company just yet. "Hey, how's your patient doing? The one who's leg you saved."

"Really great actually. I stopped in right before I left. He's got a long road ahead of him, but he was in really good spirits today."

"All because of you."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"I would." She blushed at the compliment, as you finally made it to the front door.

"Well, this is me." She said with a cute little smile and a shrug of her shoulder.

There was really nothing more you could say to keep you at her front door, so you found yourself saying, "I guess my duty is fulfilled…now that you're safe at home and all."

"So it seems." Was that a hint of reluctance you heard in her voice? Was she as sad to see the night end as you were? "Thanks again, Jame. It was fun." She entered the code to get in the house, unlocking the door and opening it. What she did next almost had you falling over, as she went up on her toes and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek. "Goodnight, Jame."

A smile so bright, it could've lit up all of Dallas, appeared on your face, and she ducked inside right as you said. "Goodnight, (Y/NN)." As soon as the door closed, you pressed a hand to your cheek making sure that what had just happened was real and not something that you imagined. It had been real alright, and you felt like you were fifteen again, all giddy at the thought that the girl you liked, liked you back.

Thank goodness, you only lived two doors down as you don't remember how you got back inside your own home, but there you were standing in front of the bathroom mirror grinning like a fool as you looked at the spot (Y/N) had just kissed. Now more than ever, you couldn't wait to see her again. Unfortunately, you had no excuse to call her this time or no definite date of when you'd see her again, just a promise that the two of you would have dinner again soon. While you looked forward to that, you wished that it would be happening sooner rather than later. You'd just have to come up with a plan.

It seemed fate had your back this time though, as the following evening found her knocking on your door. "I hate to do this, but can I come in?" (Y/N) asked as she stood outside in the pouring rain, looking like a drowned rat. Well, maybe not a rat, but a very cute wet puppy for sure.

"Yeah, sure." You said stepping aside as a loud crack of thunder sounded in the air.

"I'm sorry to do this, but the code to the house isn't working and I left my phone, and my bag, at Jessi's when I was taking out her stitches." She stood there dripping wet in your foyer. "If I could just use your phone to call her, I'll run back over there."

"Run? Where's your car?"

"Locked, in the garage. I didn't realize it was going to storm and had just walked over there. I was almost home when it started."

"Let me grab you a towel." You went and grabbed one out of the guest bathroom downstairs, then handed it to her to dry off. "I'll call Jess for you, but you're not running back over there. I'll drive you."

She gave you a smile, before toweling off her hair. "Thank you."

You went to the kitchen to grab your phone and call your soon to be sister-in-law. "Hey, Jess."

"Hey, Chubbs, what's up?" Jess replied.

"(Y/N) locked herself out of the house and I guess she left her stuff at your place. I was going to drive her over so she could get it if that's ok."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and you were wondering if the two of you got disconnected or something with the storm. "Hmmm," she finally mumbled. "I'm going to do you a huge favor here and tell you I'm not home, even though I totally am."

"What?"

"You know I love you, but you're so dense sometimes." How were you the one that was dumb when she didn't make any sense? "Tell (Y/N) that I had to run to a friend's house and you're not sure when I'll be home with the storm. That way the two of you can spend a little more time together."

"Oh," you said as you finally caught on to her plan.

"You owe me one. Tell her I'll call you when I get back, which probably won't be for a while." You'd take all the time that you could get with (Y/N). "If you don't answer, I'll take that as a good sign." You could almost see her winking at you through the phone.

"Thank Jess. You're literally the best."

"I know," she quipped back, then hung up the phone.

You went back out to where (Y/N) was standing in your entryway. "Apparently, Jess took off to a friend's house the minute you left. She said she's didn't realize you left your stuff or she would've dropped it off. She's going to call when she gets back, but it's going to be a bit with the storm."

"Oh," (Y/N) stood there a little shocked, not knowing what to do. "Well, maybe if I go try the code again it will work."

Another crack of thunder, with streaks of lightning, filled the sky. "(Y/N), you are not going back over there in the rain. Just stay here until the storm dies down. They usually pass pretty quick." But then again, sometimes they didn't and this was one you were hoping would stick around for at least a few more hours.

#Jamie Benn #Jamie Benn Imagine #Jamie Benn Imagines #Dallas Stars Imagine #Dallas Stars imagines #Dallas Stars Fanfic #Jamie Benn Facfic #NHL fan fic #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey fanfic #ruined the series

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utterlyhopeful-fics · 4 years

Text

Who is in Control? - Part 2

A/N: Unedited smut because ya girl is ALWAYS thirsty for Henry Cavill. 🔥🔥🔥 Catch up on Part 1 HERE! Masterlist

August Walker x Reader

Also, if I keep tagging you and you’re not interested or want to be tagged; please let know!

Word Count: 2570k

Warnings: dirty filthy CONSENSUAL smut, language (Just don’t scroll past the cut if you don’t want to read smut)

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“FUCK!” Ethan slammed his hands abruptly on the table. “Damnit, we missed him. He’s gone.”

“We’ve searched nearly every smelly crevice London has to offer. We were so damn close!”

“Lane’s gotta be with him. If we hurry, we can still sniff out his tracks.”

Ethan eyed Y/N suspiciously; “Think Y/N. Where would he go next?”

Y/N scanned through every memory she could muster. Her frontal lobe throbbed as she rubbed the spot aggressively.

“Hazlitt’s! That’s where we’d go.”

“You sure?”

“I know it. 100%”

“Why there?”

“I’d read to him when we were in bed together. Hazlitt’s is a hotel. He surprised me when he actually listened one night. I was reading an autobiography about essayist William Hazlitt. He was the one to find out William had died there. My morbid curiosity found his gesture macabre yet sweet. It was his way of showing he’d cared without saying anything at all. And before you say anything ridiculing, don’t.”

“Shit, what the hell did you do to him? No wonder he’s on a damn rampage.”

Dryly chuckling, Y/N didn’t quite know how to follow up, fumbling over her fucked up feelings once again.

“It was our place where we could just be ourselves. Away from the world and constant bloodshed. No alterative motives, no plan of action, just us. If he’s as heartbroken as he’s letting on, I bet that’s where we’ll find him. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy a trip down memory lane, hm?”

“I underestimated you, Y/N. Fucking the information out of him AND tricking him into thinking it was love. You’re a fucking genius.”

She coldly glared at him, her mind already two steps ahead of Hunt pissing him off to no end.

“Seriously. When did it stop being a mission?”

“The SAC told me to keep an eye on him, make sure he stayed in line under a watchful eye. They teamed us together as an experiment. I can’t pinpoint when, it just happened Ethan. I mean we’ve worked side by side in the field for three years! THREE YEARS.”

“He’s scared of you. You’re his one weak link.”

She mulled his comment over. It was a truth she wasn’t quite ready to admit. Yes, she wanted to make him hurt but killing him was an entirely different story. She prayed her strength was hiding, just waiting to surface when called upon.

“Clock’s running. Let’s go.”

So, Y/N followed him through a skinny corridor alley getting to the car at an inhumanely speed.

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Ethan and Y/N surveyed the perimeter looking for an obtainable entrance point. The dumbfounded clerk had confirmed a Mr. Patrick Bateman checking in. Taking after his favorite character, Y/N knew what room they’d find him in. His impeccable taste for detail consistently blew her away. Room 916. No doubt in her mind. The day they met, or as he likes to better describe; the first time he ever felt noticed.

“Let me go in first. Try and reason with him.”

Irritation came off him in waves crashing nonverbally disagreeing with Y/N.

“Too dangerous. This isn’t negotiable.”

Undermining his own words Y/N spoke; “I’m not asking for permission, I’m telling.”

Just then, the door swung open, Y/N sauntered towards a seeable back exit adjacent from Hunt’s point of sight. Walls bare of color and life lined the narrow hallway. The dimness bordered into eerie. An unknown sound skyrocketed her frenzied nerves. 913…914…915…

The garish gold numbers stood conspicuously still. Invisible weights kept her place. A knock resonated off the white dilapidated door.

Nothing. No response, not a sense of movement. Can’t fool me that easily Walker.

“I know you’re there—watching me through that stupid peephole wondering what in the literal hell I’m doing here.”

A chain clanged loose as the door astutely opened. Never had she met a man as devilishly handsome before. Towering over her 5ft7 frame, he smirked.

“Don’t give me that look. We need to talk.”

August didn’t flinch a muscle remaining inaudible. All of a sudden enigmatic emptiness consumed her.

“By all means, please come in.”

Good to see his charm and charisma hadn’t yet abandoned him.

“We both know you didn’t come alone. How long I do we have?”

“15 minutes, maybe 20 if you’re lucky. And I dare say luck isn’t on your side today. Why did you leave?”

“Getting straight to the point then my love?”

“Don’t give me that shit, Walker. I’m seriously not in the mood.”

The air conditioner hummed in the background forcing goosebumps to prickle her skin. An unexplainable chill drifted around them; a veiled noose of destruction lingering just out of sight. Y/N walked towards the window gazing up at the luminated stars.

She’d always been fond of constellations and their profound mark on the universe. Heavy footsteps followed making their way to her. His breathe tickled along her collarbone standing mere inches away. His hands reached for hers interlacing their fingers placing a wet kiss to the exposed column of her neck.

“How far are you prepared to go?”

Her neck slanted at him in childish annoyance.

Y/N snorted; “I will go further than you. However, many weapons you’re willing to bring, I’ll bring more. However low you will go; you will never dig deeper than me. I will win, because what this will cost me in pain, I will pay. My resources are limitless, I will always outbid you, and I will never, ever back down. Am I clear?”

The seriousness in her tone amused him giggling quietly. His rebuttal was quick and brash.

“You must seriously hate the person underneath that attractive flesh of yours.”

“Already to the petty part of the evening? Always a sour puss, Auggie.”

Closing the space between them, August pinned his upper body to Y/N’s back. Her head landed powerfully on his shoulder; his fingers brushed her pulse point teasingly.

“Neither of us are getting out alive darling. Have you paid your penance? Shall we be rejoined in the afterlife or reign in hell? I do wonder.”

Ignoring him Y/N pressed further; “Where’s the plutonium? Death is but a ploy of distraction.”

“Clever girl. Reverse psychology won’t work on me, Y/N. Try again.”

His right hand wrapped entirely around her delicate neck into a light chokehold securing her in place.

A hushed rough voice similar to a forgotten whisper slipped through; “You’re the one who has to live with your choice. Everyone else will get over it, move on, no matter what you decide. But you never will.”

His left hand stroked the button of her jeans undoing them in record time. The zipper was the next offensive item to go before he shoved her pants around her wobbly knees. Paralyzed in fear, Y/N didn’t risk moving a single muscle.

“Do you want me to fuck you? Here, now, pressed against this chilled glass, exposed for the whole world? I’ll gamble just one glance from a stranger down below will get your rocks off.”

His next words terrified her; “Only I can make you feel this alive. Tell me I’m wrong.”

She fought the searing intrusion growing between her thighs. He spoke directly to her reflection like he was talking to a ghost.

A concoction of pants and grunts were the only distinguishable noise escaping Y/N. August’s hand slithered underneath her blouse groping her covered breasts. Still she didn’t move to stop him. She was putty in his glorious hands ready to be molded into whatever he needed or craved. immersed terror sent a jolt of unexplainable excitement to her core.

Y/N cowered ashamed of her body’s biological reaction. But something in her brain told her to let him see the demon hiding in plain sight. Suddenly, Y/N reached back fisting the hair along his neck and pulled, hard.

Her behavior shifted on the cusp of absurdity. The ruthless killer long submerged had finally met her match, someone just as vile as she believed herself to be.

“You’re not the only cold-blooded asshole in the world. Hate to burst your villainous bubble.”

“I know, my darling. I’ve waited so patiently to see you in this darkened light of misery. After this, you won’t be able to go back to work without seeing every speckle of shit sprinkled before your eyes. CIA, FBI, MI6, they’re over and you my dear play a dear role in their long-awaited demise. Once you cross this line, which you undoubtfully will, Agent Y/N is dead.”

August swept her hair to one side nipping a trail along her collarbone. Her blood pressure steadied showing him she was calm, in control, and spontaneously impulsive.

Gauging his reaction, Y/N leaned into August; “I know. You’re my Hades and I’m the beloved Persephone. We’re written in destiny, baby. You and me.”

Her voice expressed a detached, cunning, and malevolent mischief. Her words made his skin crawl and cock harden. She was truly magnificent.

“Did you know that I’ve dreamt of your blood spilling while I fucked you raw? Holding a silver tipped blade on that very neck of yours, watching the fear grow as I rode you like a wild stallion. There’s no more denying the predatory urges I desire with you, for you....to you. We could have the world at our finger tips, Auggie. Quite frankly, you don’t scare me a bit and it pisses you off.”

August bit down sinking his teeth into her peachy flesh leaving a crimson imprint in his wake. Y/N yelped; her underwear flooded with moisture. Her feet wobbled closer to the glass as August shoved her forward. With her breasts pressed against the window, she heard the fasten of his zipper undo. Her nipples hardened in response. August’s dick pressed vigorously into her ass cheeks hitting every spot but the one she wanted. A feral growl betrayed her as she pushed back in resistance.

“Mmhm, who’s the horny one now?”

“I’ve grown familiar with villains that live in my bed…”

The lace grazing her hips snapped painfully watching her panties fall to the floor.

“Ouch! Easy asshole.”

“Vile words from such a pretty mouth. Obviously, there’s lessons to still be achieved with you yet.”

“You foolish brute. You should be thanking me for covering your tracks, saving that scrumptious ass of yours. Oh, my pet…when you will realize you are the one at my disposal now?”

Finally, skin to skin August lined up with her entrance. His tip rubbed teasingly against her parted folds pushing in a few inches. His shallow thrusts only spurred her on. He didn’t dare let up on the vice grip of her hips. An unnaturally strained whimper strangled the surrounding room. Pre cum leaked from the tip stirring the aching in their bellies.

“You have no idea how disturbingly gratifying it is to have found an equal, a partner of sorts with a taste for blood and sadism.”

His mocking grew old quickly as his hands continued their firm hold.

“We put Bonnie and Clyde to shame. Pathetic for running, idiotically oblivious to their own demise that lot. They didn’t appreciate the art of murder. The true pleasure of control. No room for impulse or error. Unappreciative of valuing a method to morbid madness.”

Without a word, he sunk in Y/N in one quick push. Her hands jutted out leaving imprints along the steamed window.

“Ah, fuck Auggie.”

Again, August snapped forwards unrelenting in his cruel pace. Y/N met him each and every movement in their ferocious dance of dominance. She squeezed her pelvic muscles painstakingly tight around his cock. August’s eyes rolled to the back of his head attempting to picture anything to keep him from busting that very second.

“Hunt will be arriving soon. We can run, start anew, create chaos elsewhere without any government supervision. Say the word and I’m yours.”

Y/N barely made out his panted speech due to the pounding of blood running through her ear canals crashing like waves. She was too turned on, too lost left unable to process what August was offering instead moaning raucously loud.

Slapping of skin resonated as their ends soon approached desiring nothing more than to cum. His balls slapped against her as his cum dribbled down her inner thighs. He rammed harder causing Y/N to stumble remaining deep inside her. August halted all movements finding a pair of sapphire eyes staring into his. Y/N shifted her hips in hopes of resume.

“Fucking move, Walker. I want to cum.”

“What’s your decision; orgasm or death?”

Silence stilled; August’s patience was disappearing at an alarming rate. He rutted upwards into her forcing an exhale from her lungs.

“You embarrass yourself with the question if you didn’t already know the answer.”

Anger blinded him compelling him to rip her face towards him. In his moment of rage, August thrusted powerfully reading her body like the back of his hand. She was on the cusp of orgasming and he took full advantage of that knowledge.

Barely a whisper graced his ears; “Yes, forever yes.”

Her pussy constricted pulling him in deeper than ever before as they fucked like wild animals. Taking whatever offered succumbing closer to orgasmic ecstasy.

“Good girl.”

August stiffened bending Y/N at the waist driving violently into her dripping cunt. Not more than four thrusts later, August tensed feeling Y/N constrict around his length sending a shiver down his spine. Breathy grunts could be heard through the walls as he filled her with his sticky cum. She devoured every drop placing her hands on his ass keeping him in place at her sweet spot. Her orgasm overtook her like a summer thunderstorm on a midnight sky.

She quivered speechless as she surrendered to his touch. This breath tickled the back of her glistening neck. Hot white emission gushed out of him painting a mural in her womb. They didn’t move from their current predicament still coming down from their highs. All too soon, August removed himself tucking himself back into his pants. Y/N stayed in place untrusting of her jelly legs.

“Shit, I needed that.” A tiny queef escaped her now drenched lips watching in awe as small spurts of his juice ran down her legs like raindrops. She swiped a finger against the white liquid sucking it dry. August felt his cock twitch in his pants wanting to fuck her all over again.

“We need to get out of here now.” Tossing her a towel, she cleaned herself observing August scramble his life remnants together.

“Where to next?”

That devilish smile she so longingly adored frighteningly arose to life, his pupils darkened at her questioning nature, before reaching his hand towards hers. She accepted interlocking their fingers as one. In two seconds, time, August pulled her into his grasp kissing her in passionately. Their kiss was messy, vile, and monstrous. Y/N already craved another round but knew better than to push. After all, they were on a time constraint.

“India. We’re off to India my dove.”

“I hear their Murg Makhani is quite delectable.”

“I have a friend in Kashir but we must move quickly. We need something to knock Hunt off our scent.”

“I’ve just the idea.”

Just one glance was all it took for August to read her mind effortlessly.

“By all means lead the way.”

A wickedly foul smirk scrabbled to the surface, unearthed from a long-sealed lockbox.

“You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.…”

~~~~

Tags: @maggiemoo1892 @thedeadhearted @giveusbackourbucky @henry-cavill-obsessed @onlyhenrys @omgkatinka @thereisa8ella @threeminutesoflife @homewreckingwreck @gemini0410 @maan14 @bluegalaxyprime @sofiebstar @whyyykitkat @encounterthepast @readermia @ly-canthropewrites @scorpionchild81 @henrythickcavill @snowbellexx @stephartrave @agniavateira @henrythickcavill @cap-barnes @henryfanfics101 @mary-ann84 @westcoast-nightowl @poledancingdinos @justaboringadult @peakygroupie @scorpionchild81 @nalathefirefly @vikingsbifrost @bloodyinspiredfuck @moderapoppins @cooldiva1234 @icedcoffeeismythang @titty-teetee @summersong69 @kaatelyyynn @missursulacalmet @michelehansel @iloveyouyen @shyshu @star017 @raynosaurus-rex @radkesgirl83 @titty-teetee @starrynite7114 @wheretheriversrunintothesea @i-love-scott-mccall @darkbooksarwin @ellieseymour70 @designerwriterchic @studywithrosie01 @dangerouslovefanfic @lebguardians @crazybutconfidentaf @hen-cavill @cavill-sass @oh-for-fic-sake @icedbottles @buckysgoldenheart @brexrif @gryffindorwriter @laketaj24

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builder051 · 2 years

Text

Happy. Starbucks. Sunday. OMG.

I’ve been vaguely around for the past couple weeks. Then we had to skip last week because DD and I were jamming to Bad Wolves and Papa Roach—totally worth it, by the way— It’s been so long since we’ve been able to make it to a live event that I actually can’t quite place our last concert in the timeline… I think it was Breaking Benjamin…before the pandemic. But, anyway, we deaf peeps love our hard rock and big noise. We’re seeing Greta Van Fleet again later this month (sssoooooo excited; this one is my fave), and have tix for Breaking Benjamin when they pass through in May.

This probably feels hella irrelevant, but I’m gushing, because, friends, I feel like I’m finally coming back home after a long forced sabbatical. I’ve been really ill since December last year, as in, operating on depleted body functions. I’ve had several Iron and IVIG infusions to get my basal metabolic panel to come back reading any slant toward normal. My main antipsychotic/mood control/migraine and (possible) seizure control med was taken away, for there’s literature that it, along with pretty much every other med on the planet, can have headaches as a side effect. I guess it’s a fair thing to try a taper-and-switch in a patient like me who has had zero relief from other established treatments, but, long story short, bigtime fail, many weeks taper off, realize mistake, a few more weeks to taper back on (so as not to induce a rash or psychotic episode), and finally, finally I get to about 3/4 of my dose, and I’m like, wow. If I just put the keyboard on the iPad for a few minutes, I wonder what will happen? And I’m actually willing to do it and find out, which is 10,000 steps up from a few days ago, when it was more like, can I get out of bed to go get a cup of tea, look at the blank schedule, and find something productive to do? Um, no. Cry on DD’s lap, then probably listen to NPR for an hour before either being colonized by a cat or getting the gumption to empty the dishwasher or smth, whilst feeling guilty I haven’t made creative content on any social media platform or done a project with the kids in living memory.

So, deep breath. Sorry for wasting your time and space. I trust you guys to look out for me, and I think you deserve to get a truthful explanation for why I’ve been kinda hands-off and flighty and turning out very few pieces that, well, aren’t that good. I’m back in my own, good, regular headspace now, and I’m so relieved. While this blog will always be an autocratic one-man show, provided to the public for free at my convenience, it will always also have a place for recs, reqs, and comment cards. I want to write what pleases me, and I want to write what pleases you. It makes me happy to see the likes and reblogs gain numbers. Yeah, I roll my eyes at a prompt here and there. Some of them are so positive, letting me know you want more/different iterations of things I’ve put up before. And sometimes you hit me with amazing ideas that make sparks fly.

Again, to summarize:

-I’m feeling much better. Probably better than I have so far this year.

-Hopeful the quality/quantity of things will pick up, but life is still very big and obstacle-y. (Baby is in hospital, I have tons of appointments, and just DD and I are home with the kiddos rn.)

-Please, my followers, continue supporting and reading and requesting and doing what you do. I love you.

And with that, here is today’s Starbucks Sunday plan:

-Classic prompt play, but with parameters, please:

-For Captain America, stick to Powers/No Powers or Whoa Bessie ‘verses. (The others with popular reqs either need a break or are getting an overhaul soon.)

-St. Patrick’s day/green beer is fine because DD said so. 🤣 Please no underage or Irondad and Spiderson.

-Bits and pieces that could use some attention, if you need some inspiration: Jonestown ‘verse, Clint + Nat + Laura, Whoa Bessie ‘verse pre-Steve (James struggling alone in the apartment or in therapy w/ Nat or Sam), Venom/Veddie (super fun to do in, like, 200-word bursts with minimal context, if you have a specific symptom or misadventure in mind)…

-Ask game is going up, feel free to play or ask a Q of your own.

- I’m going to try to stay in the time parameters as best I can (logging off around 6:30 PM US Eastern, Daylight Savings), because it helps DD and the bbs stay regulated (and me, too, really).

NOW— a couple things coming up:

- April is designated We fit like an Enfit (Tube ‘verse) month. I will be writing ONLY for that ‘verse during April, except during SS, when everything goes. I loosely plan to :

-finish/round up Cuts and Scrapes (currently missing part III)

-Catch you up with and iron out the timeline, starting from Steve’s diagnosis and leading off to where he is at “present” as a functional tubie x2, minus a colon, plus a BF with a spiffy arm and Bluetooth ears. There are a few, like, major event stories, I guess I’d call them? Like, not super long (or maybe super long, you know me, and this hasn’t made it from scribble notes to computer yet), but stories that would read like an episode of a TV drama series? That’s the best way I could describe them. I need to do 3 or 4 and place them among the stories I’ve already written for the ‘verse. The boys have this established backstory, I just haven’t had a chance to get it all written out yet!!

-take all your questions about everything related to Tube ‘verse and the likes. I tend to roll with medical slang when I write; it just seems to flow better that way, but I know some of you get it and some of you probably don’t. And for what things look like, feel like, anatomy, recovery, illness, intimacy, whatever… Be as nosy as you want; nothing is a “stupid” question, and if anything is out of bounds, I’ll answer for Steve, a fictional character with no say-so, and everything will be fine.

-Collect your Tube ‘verse prompts and see where you’re interested in seeing the boys go from here. I have a lot if work to do to prop the ‘verse up to look the way I want it to, but, seriously, going forward, I have yet to make any plans. I’ll obviously act as the executive, ensuring all fics are medically realistic and done up properly, but feel free to drop your ideas. Inspire me. Let me know what you want to read.

-And a scheduling note— I think things look good to keep pressing on as usual, but there may be a cancel here or there in the spring/summer timetable due to little buddy’s ballet performance timings. He’s doing amazing things—has medical challenges and tubes like me, but he’s gained, like, three levels’ worth of strength/technique/coordination in the past academic year. When he first started in the entry class, he couldn’t distinguish pointe/flex, do a push up, pick knees up and skip… and now he does pilates teasers on the living room floor just for fun, can do rond de jambes at tempo back to front and front to back, AND he’s holding passe balance so well that he’s leaning the steps to prepare for a pirouette!! Sorry, I’m being such a weepy little old millennial here, bragging on my kid, but I’ve been out of commission for all of 2022 so far, and seeing little guy excel in my playing field… it’s just the coolest thing.

Ah, sorry to bombard you with all that. To quote the late, great Tony Stark:

Go break some eggs.

#starbucks sunday #laur talks #a lot

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rubix-writings · 3 years

Text

Punisher Pt. 6

Sixth part of Punisher. Not a super exciting chapter, but it’s important. This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, mentions of a fight and harassment

Things have drastically changed in the days following the bar fight. Instead of Jay avoiding me, I avoided Jay. Whenever he came to the bar to order drinks, I immediately went to tables to grab empties and refills. Or when he walked over to close a tab I would find something to clean in the back. I know what you’re thinking and yes, it is childish and the worst way to handle things, but right now I don’t know what else to do. Honestly, I can’t think straight right now. Everytime I try to think through all the possibilities of a potential relationship between Jay and I my irrational thinking kicks in and I end up with an outcome that couldn’t possibly be correct. I can tell that I’m hurting Jay, that he was hurt after he spoke to me and I froze instead of reciprocating any sort of feelings.

“Jo….Jo!.... Earth to Jo!”

“What, sorry?” I turn to Emily.

“Can I get a refill please?” I move to grab the wine bottle and refill her glass.

“You okay Jo? You seem a little out of it today,” Silvie interjects.

“A little?” Emilly scoffs as she sips her wine.

“Just tired, I’ve had a lot of late shifts,” it’s not a complete lie.

“You sure it doesn’t have to do with someone with a name that rhymes with Ray?” Emily jokes.

“Em, please not today,” my body is exhausted, it can’t handle trying to explain the situation further.

“You can talk to us, about anything,” Silvie reassures.

“Yeah, I know I joke about it, but we’re here for you,” Emily agrees. The girls get up from the stools and move to the table with Matt and Cruz. What is wrong with me? I just need to not think about him and eventually things will go back to before I met him. I didn’t always know Jay Halstead, and the world still turned.

“Hey Jo, can I get a beer?” Will asked. Of course, I really should look for a different job. I grab a beer from the fridge and pop to cap for Will.

“Here yah go Will.”

“Thanks, can I ask you something?”

“Um…” I stutter. “I guess it depends.”

“There’s this guy I know who likes this girl.” Will whispers. I glance back to the table he just came from, Natalie laughs as Maggie finishes telling a story. Ah, gotcha.

“Alright.” I stop wiping down the counter and lean on my forearms so we can speak in a whisper.

“The girl is great, everyone likes her. But, she’s just had a major life change and he doesn’t want to be ‘taking advantage’ so to speak. But people can see that she very obviously has feelings for him too. What do you think he should do? Since you are a female.”

“Is that the only criteria you have?”

“You are also a bartender.”

“Whatever. Has this ‘guy’ made his feelings known to her?”

“Yeah, it’s shamefully obvious.”

“Good, he’s going to have to be patient. Since she just went through a major life change, she’s probably scared and doesn’t want to hurt him in the process.”

“Okay, is there anything he can do to help?” I take a deep breath and think hard for a minute.

“I think the best thing he can do is to show her that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s willing to wait as long as she needs. Because there’s no telling how long that’ll be, so being reassured in that would help a lot,” Will nods and takes a sip of his beer.

“You see why I wanted a female bartender to talk about this with?” I roll my eyes. “Thanks Jo, really.” I smile at Will and go back to wiping down the counter.

“Hey! Hey guys! Listen up!” Mouch runs into the bar with Trudy in tow.

“Hey, hey! Listen to the man!” Hermann grabs everyone’s attention and Mouch nods in gratitude towards his best friend.

“Not everyone’s here…” Mouch looks around. It’s true, some of the firemen and Intelligence Unit - including Jay - are missing from the bar tonight.

“Oh my God,” Trudy groans, “We’re renewing our vows!” The bar immediately erupts into joyous screams to congratulate the couple. I haven’t seen Trudy smile this big before, her cheeks must be hurting. The couple are herded into a giant hug from their friends and coworkers despite the objections.

“Jo, get the champagne! We need to toast!” Hermann shouts and I start passing out champagne flutes. Once everyone has some champagne, Hermann stands on the ledge to make a speech. “These two lovebirds have stood the test of time not to mention life threatening events because of the love they share. I won’t get too sappy cause I don’t want Mouch to start crying, but the love you have is special. You can tell by the way you look at each other or the way you talk about each other. Not many people get to experience that, but I can’t think of two people who deserve it more. We’re excited to continue on this journey with you. Cheers!” Everyone yells out before taking a sip. The couple are bombarded with questions about the renewal and how they came to the conclusion.

Hermann’s words swirl around my head, I want to be loved like that. I’ve only experienced harsh, painful love. Love that isn’t really love, more like imprisonment.

****

The days leading up to the renewal were hectic, since Trudy enlisted my help early on. It wasn’t an ask either, she threw down some binders for food options and told me to pick what I think would be best. Of course I did as told, since Trudy scares the shit out of me, and ever since I’ve been her go-to girl. I would be lying if I said the entire planning process wasn’t fun, one day Trudy brought cake slices to the bar to test out.

Currently, I’m fulfilling my last duties - transforming the bar. It feels right that Mouch and Trudy settled on the bar, it only took Hermann offering it up multiple times a day. The bar is empty as everyone has shifts today so they could get tomorrow off. It took me about an hour to move all the tables and stools around to provide a walkway for the ceremony. Once that was done, I took a break to lay on the floor since I never workout, but probably should start. But quickly, I realized my time crunch since I needed to run back home to get ready. The rest didn’t take long. Hermann brought over all the ironed out tablecloths before his shift, so I put those on the tables and booth tables that were left over after moving stuff around. I just started filling up vases with water for the flower arrangements when there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was Trudy coming to take a quick peek I didn’t think to look through the peephole first.

“Hey, I have some stuff Trudy needed to be dropped off,” Jay spews out quickly. Stunned by Jay’s presence, I silently move out of the way so he can enter.

“How are you?” I force out.

“Good, ugh work’s been really hectic,” Jay puts the box of decorations on a covered table. “You?”

“Good. I somehow got roped into doing all this,” I move to look through the box. It’s filled with framed photos of Trudy and Mouch, including a photo from their wedding day.

“Look, Jo. I’m really sorry about stepping in. I just… the guy had it coming,” I laugh.

“He did. But I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. It’s not worth you losing your job.”

“I would love to be able to stand here and tell you it will never happen again because I know that’s what you want to hear. But my only regret from that night was not stepping in sooner. And if I lose my job from punching out a guy who harasses and assaults you then so be it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, I’ve wanted to tell you this sooner, but you’ve been avoiding me like the plague,” I cringe.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to go about everything afterwards so I just avoided it. I know I hurt you and I really am sorry.” Jay smirks and nods.

“I should let you get back to all of this,” he moves his hands gesturing to the pure chaos behind me. “I’ll see you later.” My hands begin to shake. Say it, now. Go! Everything starts moving in slow motion, I want to tell Jay that I care. That I care for him and what happens to him, and the feelings I have are so confusing it’s infuriating. But it’s as if I’ve gone mute and my throat is too dry to speak.

“Wait!” I call out as Jay’s hand encompasses the door knob. He looks back at me, his blue eyes only make it harder for me to speak.

“Yeah?” He questions as I stand there opening and closing my mouth trying to speak. He takes his hand off the door knob, and like magic my heart rate decreases and my vision finally begins to clear.

“I could use some help here, if you’re free,” I stutter out. He smiles and slips off his coat.

“Tell me where to start.”

Taglist: @whit85-blog @bestillmystuckyheart @nocturnalherb16 @5sos-imagine @miranda0102

#chicago fire imagine #chicago pd imagine #chicago one #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x oc

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miss-nishinoya · 3 years

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Hello. Shoto falling in love with a villian (with tragic back-story). At first he's very bothered by his feelings but later on he finds out their story and he understands the villian's side however villian hates his father and wants to murder shoto to avenge his family who were abandoned by endeavor during a house fire.

Pro hero Shoto x villain NB reader

hey loml !! sorry, this took me too long

Villain quirk: Fierce Snake - they can shapeshift into a full fierce snake or only incorporate the animal senses (which includes venom, highly sensitive skin, improved chemosensory...) on their human form.

You can choose the particularity of the snake that suits better on the situation.

The drawback is the short time you have on the full form, or when you are using more then one sense.

You are the ambicious type, with a indeed charming nature. A person that woudn't hesitate on sacrificing everything and yourself to reach the main goal.

But you are sure such extreme attitude won't be needed at all, due to your clever and logic brain. One thing, out of all that you are sure, is to overanalyse each move, every little step is calculated.

Shoto is a highly rated pro hero, on his prefered area. He isn't the biggest fan of the front line, the battle and the caos. Instead, he choose to live in the shadows, working successively suceed stealth missions.

Todoroki is the best type of spy, he is polite, cool-headed and extremely smart. The man is even more effective than Hawks was, he is changing this behalf of the heroe society to be more straight to the point, functional.

However, is not always that easy to find the needed information. After all those years, the company decided to try again an old strategy.

"All i have to do is go there and say i want to join? Sir, with all the respect, but-" Even being the CEO, Shoto is always respectful with his co-workers, even giving them power and space to desagree with him and openly point it out.

"Sir, i'm telling you that this will work. If you want, i can show the presentation again, and all the points to prove it's the best change we have."

There were rumors that the villains are planning something big against the top heroes, however they can't get even a small clew. All the pre-existing methods had failed on them and the team suggested to Shoto to infilter, alike his precursor.

It's a big and, on Shotos concepition, dumb step to make. The villains woudn't feel on the same trick two times, would they? "So many time has passed since then..." His co-worker argument was valid too. "You can easily scape if it goes wrong." Obviously he can. He would be the number one if wasn't for his area of action.

He is scared, but doesn't let it show on his expression when he agree. After all the discuss, they get out of the company with a well thought plan, step by step.

On the other side, the delinquents were also working on their main scheme. They wanted a war, as the LOV once did, but they needed a strong weapon to realize such, they wanted something better than the nomus, maybe an item to potentialize their individualitys. Still, they didn't have a clear direction.

Mei is the big brain, the scientist. Is she an inventor from the heroes side? Yes. Does she give a single fuck to the motivation besides just creating insane "babys"? No.

And she isn't getting anywhere with her "basic creations", in their masters word. All the villains can do by now is mess with hero society as much as possible and wait to their weapon to come to life.

Shoto is getting his job done. He putted himself into the ghettos and patiently waited. "Hey, hey, hey! What do we have here?" The elastic masquerade man curls on the walls next to Sho. "How can i serve you, your majesty?" He sneers, while the hero keep his face emotionless.

Todoroki then explains his will to join the villains, with the excuse of the hate of his on father and all the abuse he did to him, that part was not enterely a lie. He even managed to split out that he never wanted to be a hero, only doing for parental pressure.

The criminal listened with boredom filling his face, taking Shoto inside.

"Oh, if it's not our royal highness! Tell your dad i said hi." The Mastermind proceeds to talk by the moment Shoto walks in.

"Hello, sir." He started politely, lowering his head to show respect. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but i came here to offer my help to your crew."

Again, he gave the same excuse he'd gave minutes ago.

"I see. But don't think that i'm going to accept a filthy rat like you that easily... those who don't learn with the history are complete fools. You know are i'm talking about, don't you?" His voice was so low, barely audible and it send shivers on Shotos spine.

"Yes, sir, but i'm willing to prove my worthy." Todoroki could hear his voice cracking, the moment isn't bringing good memories.

His father was the one who used to put him in such a humiliating position.

"You can start by begging. If you want it, you will do anything, is that correct?" He watches as Sho silently gets on his knees. "And stop with that 'sir' thing. 'Master' will do." A big smirk appears

"Yes, master." He was starting to feel disgusted by himself, but didn't back off. "Please, let me join this league. I'm begging, Master, please." Hate on the most pure form runs throught his veins while he stay still, looking to the ground as it is the most interesting thing on earth.

"Tsc. I don't know if that erection you getting me is enough. What do you think, Y/N?" You suddenly emerges from the back of the empty dark room and joins in.

"Give the guy a chance, if he is bad we can just cut his head off." You see Shoto fighting his urge to look up and see your face, and it steals a laugh of your part.

"As you seem like having so much fun with this worm here, now he is under your wing. Test him as much as you want and if he fucks everything up, i'll blame you. Understood?" The Mastermind now shows that he's harsh to his allies to.

"Understood!" The man walks away, letting you and Shoto solve this new problem you both got into.

"So... what do you'll like for me to call you, peasant?"

"Shoto is enough."

"Okay, call me Y/N, i don't need all this formality that Master likes... get up." you order and he hops up in a second.

"Endeavors son is under my wing... a bit ironic, don't you think?" laughing to yourself, he eyes you as you clingy around his shoulder.

"You know what? This is going to be fun..." You shift into a snake, curling up on his neck, as Todoroki jumps in fear.

"So, Shoto, how you're going to prove me that you aren't faking this shit?" You turn into human again, only to shift again on his arm. "Huh?" Again, and now he is getting used to it.

"I-i don't now, 'boss'. You are the one to tell me this, right?" You finally stop, feeling pure joy while the young man has fear all over his face, body tense and eyes about to jump off.

"Yes, darling, i am. Trust me, if this is a setup, you will regret." You threat biting his neck, laughing as you walk away.

You put Shoto in all possible kinds of difficult situations...

He had to share confidential information about his hero friends.

Let the villains take a building filled of civillians.

And he had to help on the secret missions all along. You would curl on his neck and move for the extension of his shoulder, just to remember him that all his moves are being watched.

Shoto is skillful, and it's not hard to notice. In a short amount of time, he is already a pro on the wickedness. Slowly turning himself into a cold-hearted villain, and doesn't seem to hate it.

"Sho!" You two were leaving another building, with some items that Hatsume required. "You think that's funny?"

You try to play mad, but end up laughing with him. Shoto had freezed you just to mess around, and is now using his quirk to creat a beard on your face.

"I do." He complains, moving away to have a good vision of the scene he created.

"Of course you do, bastard. Set me free now!"

"Or what?" He teases.

"You know i can do it by myself, but i'm giving you the chance to redeem before i kill you." The playful tone don't make it less ominous.

"Make me." As the words drop out his mouth, you shift into a snake and get out of the ice, shaped to your human form.

You crawl till him, turning back into your normal form and quickly choking him. "Now we are talking."

"Any last words before i make you regret?" Your nails are sinking on his soft skin.

"I was couting on it." He smiles.

There will be a part 2 soon !! :)

#mha #mha todoroki #my hero academia #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero academy imagines #boku no hero #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia fanfic #mha shoto #bnha shoto #todoroki shoto #shoto todoroki #shoto x you #shoto x reader #shoto fanfiction #todoroki #todoroki fanfic

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p-artsypants · 3 years

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I’ll Handle This (7)

I really just want to say thanks. I love this fandom, and I love this story…just the overwhelming excitement for this fic makes me so so happy. Everything that happens is really just me saying ‘whatever, I want to see this’. Does it make sense? Not always. Is everyone completely in character? Maybe. Am I having a blast? Absolutely!

Thank you for all the comments and kudos!

And sorry for the wait. Wedding planning!

In Which Gabriel is Serenaded

(Ao3 | FF.net)

—

Day three, Adrien awoke on the pillow. He was used to it now, officially. How scary a thought!

Plagg had laid out his outfit, thankfully so Adrien could approve, or at least warm up to the idea.

It was one of the shirts that Marinette had Frankensteined together from the pieces they had found. Absolutely gaudy, atrocious, and a pain to look at. Stripes, polka dots, plaid, little patterns of flowers, all saturated as far top right of the Hue/Sat scale as possible.

It would make his father cry. It would set the media into a frenzy. It was glorious, and that scared Adrien.

It scared him that he was starting to come around. He was starting to enjoy this reckless abandon. It was cathartic to watch his world shift and change into something more chaotic, and yet somehow pleasant. Organized Chaos.

Plagg came out of the bathroom, devoid of mohawks or any other bizarre hairstyle he could have done. His hair was just swept to the side, combed, but not gelled, into place.

The perfect amount of wild.

“You don’t have to wake up when I do.” Plagg stated. “I’ll just drop you in my pocket.”

“It’s alright,” Adrien assured, yawning. “I’m used to waking up this early.”

Plagg dressed quickly, and just as he slid into his moccasins, the room glowed red, and heavy bars slammed shut over the windows.

Both Adrien and Plagg jolted in surprise, Adrien falling into panic.

Plagg just scooped him up, and held him to his chest. “Hey kid, it’s alright. You can phase through things. You can escape if you need too.”

This helped calm him down slightly, if ever so minutely. Plagg tucked him into his pocket, and confidently walked downstairs.

Gabriel and Nathalie were waiting for him in the foyer.

“What's the deal, old man?” Plagg asked, bluntly. “Akuma attack?”

“No,” replied Gabriel, his head held high. “You’re grounded. No school. No friends. Nothing.”

Plagg scoffed. “I’m under literal house arrest?! Come on! I have a sleepover at Nino’s tonight!”

“Did you ask if you could attend this sleepover?”

“No. You were going to say no anyways. Better to beg forgiveness then ask permission and all that.”

“Well, that really solidifies my decision to ground you then. You clearly show a clear lack of critical and mature thinking.”

“Ah, a pompous way of calling me stupid, hmm?”

Gabriel frowned harder, a line forming at the corner of his mouth. “I am not calling you stupid. I just don’t see you making good decisions.”

“Gabriel, before this, I wasn’t making any decisions. Everything I did was according to your will. How can you be mad at me at being bad at something I have no practice doing?”

Gabriel’s eye twitched. “First, do not call me by my first name. Second, I have already made up my mind. If I say you’re grounded, then you’re grounded. Deal with it.”

Oh that was not a good answer. He may have well just said, ‘because I say so.’

And Plagg would not stand for it. He wasn’t standing for it anyway, but he’d at least be willing to bargain with Gabriel if he was offering some excuse about safety for his well being or something.

This was just a power trip.

“Fine,” Plagg smiled maliciously. “Lock me in. But you’re locked in with me. And you’re going to hate it.”

“I don’t have time to entertain you, Adrien, go to your room.”

As a kwami who spent most days in Adrien’s bag, Plagg consumed a lot of media. A pair of headphones, an external battery, and a phone that connected to the school’s wifi, Plagg had days to binge all the things that Adrien was interested in.

And some things that Adrien didn’t care about, like historical dramas, documentaries, and recently, musicals. Especially for time periods that he had witnessed and experienced. He wasn’t omnipotent, so seeing what the humans had thought was important during these periods was fascinating.

But I digress.

The point was that Plagg had a song stuck in his head from a musical and the perfect opportunity to use it had just presented itself.

Gabriel had deemed the conversation over and started to walk back to his office.

“Close every door to me,” Plagg sang, in Adrien’s sweet voice.

Gabriel halted, but did not turn around.

“Hide all the world from me.” Plagg took a step towards him, still singing softly. “Bar all the windows and shut out the light.”

Gabriel turned, raising an eyebrow. “If you think serenading me is going to make me change my—“

But Plagg cut him off, raising his voice slightly, “Do what you want with me, hate me and laugh at me.”

Gabriel just stared, and listened.

“Darken my daytime and torture my night…” Plagg came closer, singing with feeling, trying to convey, even for an instance, a flicker of the emotions that Adrien had.

“If my life were important I would ask ‘will I live or die?’ but I know the answers lie far from this world.”

This was horrifying to Gabriel, apparently, as he protested. “Of course your life is important! Why do you think I—“

“Close every door to me, keep those I love from me. Children of Israel are never alone.”

“Children of—what? We’re not even Jewish. What are you singing about?”

“For I know I shall find my own peace of mind. For I have been promised a land of my own.”

Confused, Gabriel just scoffed and started back to his office. Plagg stayed hot on his heels.

“Close every door to me, hide all the world from me.”

Even Gabriel saw the irony of slamming the office door in Adrien’s face, so he resisted, and let his son continue to serenade him into his office.

“Bar all the windows and shut out the light.”

Gabriel stood at his workstation, determined to ignore his son’s weird emotional outburst, and opened his recent project.

“Just give me a number instead of my name. Forget all about me and let me decay.”

Plagg fought the smile of victory when Gabriel hunched his shoulders. Was that guilt on his face? Perhaps Gabriel wasn’t as shallow as Plagg had thought and lyrics like this would get through to him.

“I do not matter, I'm only one person. Destroy me completely, then throw me away.”

And Gabriel sat, staring with his wide gray eyes. His full attention on his son.

“If my life were important I would ask ‘will I live or die?’ But I know the answers lie far from this world.”

Plagg pounded his fists on the workspace, crying out the words with passion, actually making Gabriel jump.

“Close every door to me! Keep those I love from me!” He leapt up on a coffee table, putting his entire body, his very soul into this performance. “Children of Israel are never alone!”

Gabriel couldn’t move. Why couldn’t he move?

“For we know we shall find our own peace of mind! For we have been promised a land of our own!” He held out that final note, letting it hang in the air, as Gabriel continued to stare, mouth slightly open.

Truth me told, Plagg was just intending to annoy him to freedom, but had the song choice done more? Did Gabriel finally understand?

“Well,” Gabriel adjusted his glasses. “That was...certainly something. If I knew you could sing like that, I would have tried to find a use for it. Never mind, I’ll add it to your resume now.”

No. It seemed that Gabriel was as stubborn and obtuse as ever.

“Close every door to me,” Plagg began again.

“No no no,” Gabriel spoke over him. “One performance is more than enough.”

“Hide all the world from me.”

“Adrien!”

“Darken my daytime, and torture my night.”

Gabriel groaned, and made an effort to ignore Plagg again. A real effort this time, with no eye contact and no facial expression. When that didn’t work, he moved from his workstation and went to grab Adrien. But Plagg evaded him, continuing to sing, with every grasp.

How many times did he cycle through the song? His throat hurt, as every time he reached the climax, he belted out the notes with passion.

It would be surprising if no one outside could hear him.

He climbed up on a table. “If my life were important I would ask will I live or die—“

“Enough! Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!” Gabriel shouted. “I can’t take this anymore!” He bolted over to the security control panel, and shut off the lock down. The bars on the windows disappeared.

“Go...please, just go.” Gabriel said desperately.

“Cool, thanks dad!” Plagg said cheerfully, skipping out of the room.

Gabriel collapsed onto his workstation.

Whatever tricks Adrien had learned, whatever manipulation guru he had visited, he was good. Very very good. It would take a while to get him back under his thumb. And he might need to resort to more drastic measures.

What was more drastic than putting the house into lockdown? He’d need a little while to contemplate that.

—

Plagg had missed several morning classes thanks to Gabriel’s stunt, but his friends heaved a relaxed sigh when he arrived.

“Hey hey hey!” He sang, coming in the door. “What’s happening, party people?”

“Mr. Agreste!” Miss Mendeleev barked. “You better have a good excuse for being tardy!”

“A great excuse! My dad shut the house down to ground me, and I had to annoy him with Broadway until he opened up. He was a lot more patient than I expected.”

“Are you serious?” Miss Mendeleev asked.

“Madam, do you really think that my father, fashion mogul, would allow me to leave the house like this?” He gestured to his mismatched outfit.

“Point taken. You may take your seat.”

Plagg shot a thumbs up to his friends.

—

After school, the group of four piled into Nino’s family car and headed over to his house.

“I’m so excited! My first sleepover!” The excitement was genuine, as this truly was Plagg’s first sleepover. Of course, his whole life had consisted in sleeping in different places that weren’t his home (the Miracle Box) but the concept of going to a friends house to eat food and gossip all night long was novel and exciting.

“What curfew do you girls have?” Mrs. Lahiffe asked.

“I have until 11,” beamed Alya.

“I have to leave at 9,” Marinette pouted. “I have to help my parents in the bakery tomorrow.”

It was also Ladybug’s solo patrol tonight, Plagg noted to himself. Kind of a saving grace, since Chat certainly wasn’t going to be on it.

“I’ll be sure to count you both for dinner then!” Mrs. Lahiffe chirped.

Adrien had been to Nino’s house a handful of times, all under the pretense of working on homework of course. And it wasn’t a house either, it was an apartment, like most residences in Paris. It was warm, not always clean, and the smell of their cat’s litter was just a hint in the air.

Major Tom was a right good cat. An old gray tabby, who was far too wise for his own good. Plagg had met this family member in person, since the cat was still pretty curious in his age.

As soon as the group of friends entered the apartment, Major Tom stretched and trotted toward them, toward Plagg, and rubbed against his leg.

“Hi Tommy,” Plagg smiled, an inside joke passing between them.

“I swear,” said Nino with defeat. “Major Tom likes you more than anyone else in this house...and you’ve barely met him.”

Plagg just shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a pussy magnet.”

“DUDE! My mom is right there!”

Mrs. Lahiffe was not amused, but the furious giggling from behind him made it all worth it, he supposed.

“Sorry mom, Adrien’s going through a rebellious streak. He doesn’t usually make jokes like that.”

“Yeah, sorry, Uh...I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

Mrs. Lahiffe shook her head. “I noticed your outfit was rather...daring. Is that from your father’s new collection?”

“Nope! This is a Marinette original!”

Marinette smacked him in the arm. “I told you not to associate me with that abomination!” She turned to Mrs. Lahiffe and quickly clarified, “He designed it and I carried out the deed.”

“Oh you kids are so funny!” She laughed. “Well, you didn’t come over to entertain me! Go have fun, I’ll get pizza around 6?”

“Thanks mom!”

“Thanks Mrs. Lahiffe!”

On the way to Nino’s room, he asked. “What movie do you guys want to watch tonight?”

Plagg grinned, “Have you ever seen Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat?”

—

Chapter is kind of short, but I have delayed it long enough, and sleepover shenanigans need their own chapter.

The song Plagg sang was ‘Close Every Door’ from Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat.

#ml #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #adrienette #chat noir #I'll handle this #fanfiction

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bunnieresources · 4 years

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little women (2019) sentence starters.

“ not a first attempt, i take it. “

“ people want to be amused, not preached at. “

“ what do they write, your trouble-making family? “

“ you can do nothing if you go back. “

“ who will you dance with, ____? “

“ i never dance. “

“ i already feel ridiculous. i don’t want to look it. “

“ i can’t get over my disappointment in being a girl. “

“ ____, would you like to dance with me? “

“ you can laugh if you want to. it’s funny, i know. “

“ oh, ____, you’ll kill yourself for fashion one of these days. “

“ i would love to read what you’re writing, if you’ll trust me. “

“ i feel caught. “

“ do you want to know what i honestly think of you? i despise you. “

“ i despise you. “

“ with every chance of being good, happy and useful, you are lazy, faulty and miserable. “

“ well, selfish people do like to talk about themselves. “

“ you think i’m beautiful? “

“ yes, you like that, you old vanity. “

“ with all these good things to enjoy, you find nothing to do but dawdle. “

“ i’ll be good for you, ____. i’ll be good. “

“ aren’t you ashamed of a hand like that? looks like it’s never done a day of work in its life. “

“ i feel sorry for you. i really do. i just wish you’d bear it better. “

“ i’d be respected if i couldn’t be loved. “

“ has no one ever talked to you like this before? “

“ why be ashamed of what you want? “

“ we can’t do much, but we can make our little sacrifices and do it gladly. “

“ i detest rude, unladylike girls. “

“ i know you don’t care what i think, but you don’t want ____ to find you like this, do you? “

“ i don’t see how you can write such splendid things. you’re a regular shakespeare. “

“ ____, you look tired. were you up again all night writing? “

“ boys scare me, and that big old house scares me. “

“ don’t say such despicable things! “

“ i like strong words that mean something. “

“ i intend to make my own way in the world. “

“ you don’t know what ____ loves. “

“ well, it’s possible to be right and foolish. “

“ i can’t afford to lose this position. “

“ i’m not scared of anyone. “

“ you have always had a talent for getting out of the hard parts of life. “

“ don’t be a baby and whine about it. “

“ i think you’d hate to poke in where you’re not wanted. “

“ i told you i’d make you pay, and i did! “

“ i really did want to hurt you. “

“ don’t let the sun go down on your anger. “

“ you don’t deserve my forgiveness. “

“ i will hate you! i will hate you forever! “

“ if ____ had died, it would’ve been my fault. “

“ what is wrong with me? “

“ i’ve made so many resolutions, and i’ve written sad notes, and i’ve cried over my sins... but it just doesn’t seem to help. “

“ when i get in a passion, i get so savage. i could hurt anyone and i’d enjoy. “

“ you remind me of myself. “

“ i’m angry nearly every day of my life. “

“ i am not patient by nature. but after all this time, i’m learning to not let it get the better of me. “

“ i hope you’ll do a great deal better than me. “

“ there are some natures too noble to curb and too lofty to bend. “

“ i miss everything. “

“ i said hi to the horses. they’re very nice. “

“ what would ____ say? “

“ let me have my fun tonight. i’ll be desperately good for the rest of my life. “

“ i try to be contented, but it is hard. “

“ i don’t want to see you. “

“ ____, don’t be mad at me. “

“ i’m a failure. “

“ why give up? you have so much talent and energy. “

“ talent isn’t genius. and no amount of energy can make it so. “

“ i want to be great or nothing. “

“ i’m of middling talent. “

“ i’ve always known i’m going to marry rich. why should i be ashamed of that? “

“ i believe we have some power over who we love. it isn’t something that just happens to a person. “

“ i think the poets might disagree. “

“ i’m not a poet, i’m just a woman. “

“ don’t sit there and tell me that marriage isn’t an economic proposition, because it is. it may not be for you, but it most certainly is for me. “

“ you look beautiful. you are beautiful. “

“ i love to listen to you read, ____, but i love it better when you read stories you’ve written. “

“ i’m very sick and you must do what i say. “

“ i’ll only plague ____ if i go, so i might as well stay and plague you longer. “

“ don’t marry ____. “

“ i have been second to ____ my whole life in everything. “

“ i will not be the person you settle for just because you can’t have ____. i won’t. i won’t do it. “

“ i won’t do this. not when i’ve spent my entire life loving you. “

“ we barely have enough to feed ourselves. “

“ don’t say that. don’t say that. “

“ i’ve had a very long time to think about this and... i’m not afraid. it’s like the tide going out. it goes out slowly, but it can’t be stopped. “

“ i’ll stop this. i stopped it before. “

“ we... we can’t stop god’s will. “

“ god hasn’t met my will yet. what i will shall be done. “

“ you are your family’s hope now. “

“ please fight. don’t go quietly. fight. please, please, just fight to the end and be loud, and don’t just quietly go away, ____. “

“ thank god you’re home. thank god for you. “

“ we can leave. we can leave right now. “

“ i can make a life for us. “

“ let’s just run away together. “

“ you will get bored of ____ in two years, and we will be interesting forever. “

“ just because my dreams are different than yours doesn’t mean they’re unimportant. “

“ i want a home. and a family. and i’m willing to work and struggle. “

“ i just hate that you’re leaving me. don’t leave. “

“ i’m not leaving you. “

“ i’d rather be a free spinster and paddle my own canoe. “

“ i can’t believe childhood is over. “

“ it was going to end one way or another. “

“ i may not always be right, but i’m never wrong. “

“ i’m just not good, so i’m angry and restless. “

“ you don’t have to stay here, ____. “

“ i have loved you ever since i’ve known you. i couldn’t help it. “

“ i tried to show you and you wouldn’t let me. but i must make you hear now and give me an answer, because i can’t go on like this! “

“ i figured you’d love me, ____. and i realize i’m not half good enough. “

“ you’re a great deal too good for me. “

“ i don’t see why i can’t love you as you want me to. i don’t know why. “

“ i can’t change how i feel. “

“ it would be a lie to say i do when i don’t. “

“ i can’t love anyone else, ____. i only love you. “

“ let’s be happy together, ____! “

“ i can’t say yes truly, so i’m not going to say it at all. “

“ you’ll see that i’m right eventually and you’ll thank me for it. “

“ look at me! i’m homely, and i’m awkward, and i’m odd. and you’d be ashamed of me. “

“ ____, i don’t believe i’ll ever marry. i’m happy as i am, and i love my liberty too well to be in any hurry to give it up. “

“ i think you’ll find someone and love them. and you will live and die for them. because that’s your way, and you will. “

“ you’re much too lonely here, ____. “

“ i ruined our friendship with my temper, just as i ruin everything. “

“ if i was a girl in a book, this would all be so easy. just give up the world happily. “

“ do you love ____? “

“ i care more to be loved. i want to be loved. “

“ wanting to be loved is not the same as loving. “

“ i’m so sick of people saying that love is all that a woman is fit for, i’m so sick of it. “

“ i’m just so lonely. “

“ i don’t despise you, ____. “

“ i just didn’t love you as i should. “

“ the worst fate is to live my life without you in it. “

“ are you in love? “

“ i want to say one thing and then put it away forever. i’ve always loved you. “

“ i think it was meant this way. “

“ could we still be friends though, ____, please? “

“ life is too short to be angry at one’s sister. “

“ i started something, but i don’t think it’s very good. “

“ maybe it doesn’t seem important because people don’t write about it. “

“ writing doesn’t confer importance. it reflects it. “

“ when did you become so wise? “

“ i don’t want you leave. i want you to stay. “

“ i would never leave if you wish me to stay. “

“ i have nothing to give you, ____. “

#such a good movie . i love it #beth is my favorite #rp prompts #rp memes #roleplaying prompts #roleplaying memes #ask prompts #ask memes #inbox prompts #inbox memes #sentence starters

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tsrookie · 3 years

Text

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

#open heart #open heart second year #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #mercy goes nuts #happy three years of Reputation🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤#ethan ramsey

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uo-mabushi · 3 years

Text

A Court of Dragons and Fallen Angels (NobuKichou Demon AU)

Tagging @ashavazesa not sure if you’re gonna like it, buttt think of it as thanks for your wonderful NobuKichou ficlet

Pairing: Nobunaga x Kichou, Mitsuhide x Reader

Length: 1,188 words

Warning: slight gore and sexual situations

Prompt: Demon AU based on Onimusha: Warlords

It was another unsuccessful raid on Azuchi Castle. True to Mitsuhide's words, Nobunaga needn't don his armor and greet the invaders himself. The Oni warriors were swiftly massacred the moment they set foot on the other side of the wall.

His demonic vassals had outdone themselves once again. Tonight, another celebratory feast was in order.

Nobunaga sipped his rice wine leisurely as he enjoyed the night breeze.

At his side sat Azuchi's chatelaine, anxiously awaiting the return of her beloved.

"No need to fret," Nobunaga assured her. "Don't you remember how effortlessly he crushes Oni like bugs under his soles? He will return soon."

The seamstress shuddered at the image of Mitsuhide blowing the enemies' heads with his trusty rifle. Flesh-colored veins from his hand tangled along the barrel like a web of viscera.

"It's not that. I just find this all to be so...surreal, detached from my own reality," The princess whispered. "Even now, I still can't wrap my head around demon people killing each other with supernatural powers."

Nobunaga laughed.

"Monstrous, am I right?" He scratched at his muscular arm. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Soon, the history of this nation will change under the rule of my infernal army. Your future will change."

The expanse of his skin that transformed into adamantine scales would itch at certain times. But it mattered little to Nobunaga. He needed the protection it provided from flames and bullets. Now almost invincible, Nobunaga and his retainers were free to invade lads under Uesugi and Takeda's banners.

Not even resurrected warlords could stall his thirst for conquest.

"Look," Nobunaga pointed at the grounds below. "They're coming."

But his chatelaine didn't have his enchanted senses and thus could not make out the features of the returning men. Yet she only had to look at her lord's fond gaze.

"I heard Kichou was leading the party," she nodded. "I thought he would be exhausted from all our recent battles. That demon strength really is something."

Nobunaga licked his lips at the thought of Kichou gunning and slicing through hordes of Oni and men alike. He would always bring the barrel to his lips before firing, like a prayer so that he'd never miss his mark.

The shot was dedicated to Nobunaga, along with the unfortunate soul it reaped.

Ironically (then and even now to a certain extent), it wasn't the killing that fulfilled Nobunaga. Kichou did.

It's a shame Nobunaga couldn't declare them as lovers. Two hearts made of ice weren't meant to warm each other.

But Kichou fell in love with his vision. Nobunaga loved his devotion and unyielding trust. Even when he told Kichou that he was willing to call upon the powers of hell if need be.

To which Nobunaga literally did.

There was a flicker of uncertainty in Kichou's eyes after Nobunaga showed him the books and spoke of his plans in great detail. For the first time in their long life together, Nobunaga feared that the other man would finally leave him for their adversaries in disgust.

But it didn't take long before Kichou appeared at the entrance to the tenshu. In the dim light, the smaller man reached for Nobunaga's hand, declaring his readiness to sacrifice his very own humanity.

Nobunaga smirked wryly. Then again, they had already stopped being human some time ago. Even though the princess believed otherwise.

Soon, she'd learn that their entire entourage (including her serpent) had long traded their human souls for the sake of Nobunaga's vision.

They sealed their fates as asuras the moment they pledged loyalty to Nobunaga. It was a foregone conclusion that they chose infernal powers over the promise of nirvana.

Evil, the senile monk at Honganji had accused. But Nobunaga could care less about being the villain in everybody else's story. It was all about the ending they'd all eventually meet.

Nobunaga rose. It was time to go welcome his warlords.

"Come," he offered his hand to the young woman. "Let's meet your “boyfriend.”

_______________________________________________________________

The warlords were still high on the thrill of bloodshed when Nobunaga called them to the meeting room.

Nobunaga was delighted at the fevered look in Hideyoshi's eyes as he babbled at their exploits. Kichou paid no heed to him speaking out of turn. He only answered to Nobunaga, and only when prompted.

Was his poor warlord fatigued? These consecutive series of attacks had taken a heavy toll on his sleeping schedule. Nobunaga chuckled at his gormless expression. Demon warriors were supposed to liven up at the prospect of bloodletting.

The constant need for violence was now running through their veins, no matter how righteous they believed themselves to be in the beginning. Just look at Hideyoshi.

"Excellent," Nobunaga concluded their assembly. "Now, go and let yourself indulge for tonight. But remember that we still have much to do in the morning."

The warlords left their seats after bowing to Nobunaga, leaving Mitsuhide and Kichou with Nobunaga and the chatelaine. She rose and immediately went to the silver-haired man's side.

"My little mouse," Mitsuhide stroke her head. "Have you been waiting long?"

The tired man beside them eyed the couple impassively. His old self would have sneered at the lover's audacious display. But not this Kichou, who patiently listened to the chatelaine chattering about his impish cousin with adoration in her eyes.

The more monstrous we become, Kichou muttered one night, the more we appreciate these little moments that remind us we still haven't changed.

Even for all his cruelty, Kichou was still very much a sentimental man, Nobunaga mused.

After what felt like eons, the couple finally bid good night and left Nobunaga alone with Kichou. About time. He wasted no time making use of his privacy with his green-eyed companion.

Nobunaga drew Kichou to his chest, grimy armor and all.

"Nobunaga-sama, please," He pleaded weakly, hands kneading at the fabric of his kimono. "I'm all covered in blood."

"Hmmm, does it matter?" Nobunaga chuckled. "You won't be needing all that bloodied garment on you once we're upstairs."

But Nobunaga understood the exhaustion in his voice. He will wait until morning, then, when Kichou was refreshed and awake to savor his ministrations.

Nobunaga enjoyed their couplings as a demon should: for pleasure and nothing more. But to Kichou, the steady rush of emotions between every touch of their skin was his last remaining tether to his withering humanity.

Nobunaga, already ruthless before his transformation, could barely comprehend the usefulness of keeping another fragile being close to his heart. The era they were living in nearly led him to believe every living soul was disposable, even his own. It was ironic that he only understood Kichou's sentiments now when they had literally been turned into monsters.

Kichou didn't protest when Nobunaga hauled him to his feet and looped his arm behind the Demon King's neck. A sturdy hand rested at Kichou's slender waist, pulling him closer to Nobunaga's side.

Kichou was allowed to clean up and rest in his master's suite, where he belonged. When he woke up, Nobunaga would ensure his right-hand-man was handsomely rewarded for his efforts.

________________________________________________________________

Notes: the “demons” are actually referred to by the franchise as Genma. The Oni (sometimes usually translated to “demons”) as well are their equally supernaturally enhanced counterparts, but good.

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen nobunaga #ikesen kichou #ikesen mitsuhide #nobukichou #ikesen fanfic #riri tries ikesen

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joon-ipersgirl · 3 years

Text

O7 - “the promising proposition”

genre: mafia!au, angst, fluff, slow burn, mystery-thriller

pairing: namjoon x reader (f)

word count: 5.1k

warnings: cursing (if i miss any, let me know!)

summary: charismatic. beautiful. fearless without question. the ambitious team of seven young men in charge of spiral, downtown district’s hottest new club go above and beyond to provide 100% satisfaction to their clients.

after an eventful night out, you have no choice but to join the team for property damages greater than your intern salary. challenging a series of events that can no longer be left to coincidence, secrets threaten to burst at the seams as your professional and private life collide, and another - more sinister - debt is added to your total.

how far are you willing to go to pay back your pound of flesh? remember, nothing is ever as it seems...

a/n: it’s been a minute but we’re back! winter break is here and i’m determined to write so here’s part 7 as i still work on my tae halloween fic (whew) and some more holiday related scenarios/oneshots. thank you all for being so patient and i hope you enjoy this next part. i only have one more pre-written part for this story so updates may be even slower lol. as always, send your reactions as they make me super happy lmao. thank you vi for beta-reading this and enjoy everyone!

full masterlist // series masterlist // previous // next

The four of you sit in Manager Kim’s office, tense. Well, three as Paul had ruined his chances during last week’s meeting but you know he can feel the heaviness in the air as you wait for Madeline’s decision. She sits comfortably behind her large desk after calling you in to tell you who’d be assisting her on the Cavallero project. Her large, black fedora is propped on her head at a dangerous angle as she has her feet kicked up on her desk, her signature steel toed boots accentuating her full black outfit. You’d spent the previous days in the breakroom trying to figure out what made this project a higher priority than the rest of the contracts you’d acquired and who would be the lucky winner.

“Lovely of you all to join me, though Paul you were not really needed.” He tries his best to hide behind Laura from Manager Kim’s disappointed stare, but to no avail. “I know you all have been eagerly anticipating which one of you lucky interns will have the privilege of working with me on the first part of the Cavallero contract. You’ll find out shortly as his assistant will be dropping off the final notes on what he expects to see at the event; I’ll send one of you down to fetch him. We’ll have a brief meeting afterwards and then get to work. The rest of you will work under that person, following their orders diligently. Now, I need updates on the rest of our projects. Where are we?”

You barely listen as James rattles off what he was able to accomplish with the Emmerson’s engagement party. You think his design is doable, chic for an event planned in spring, but lacking in some of the finer details you know the future Mrs. Emmerson would appreciate; she’s a woman after your own heart with her love for champagne, meals created by chefs with Michelin stars, and exquisite fine china. Of course Madeline would pit you against each other for this job though. Not that you mind, you’re more than capable of fighting for what you believe is mine. It’s just less work when it’s given to you nicely packaged. Like the gifts you’re sure future Mrs. Emmerson would like to receive from her future husband’s wealthy friends.

“Y/N?” You focus back on Manager Kim who’s waiting expectantly, her glasses slipping down her nose. “The Williams’? What’s going on there? Or have you not made any progress?”

“The Williams have signed off on the zoo theme for their son,” James interjets before you can gather your thoughts. “We’re looking into finding the best face painters in the city and we’ve almost secured a catering contract for the 150 vegan cupcakes Mrs. Williams ordered. The invitations are currently being designed based on the chosen theme and will be ready for client approval next week.”

“Very good, James. Please send me a copy of your notes to be added into the file. Y/N, I expect better from you. That’s everything I have for today. You’re all dismissed,” she finishes with a wave of her hand, her glasses sliding down her nose once again as she searches for one particular document on her desk.

You don’t wait for the rest of them to follow as you make your way back to the tiny cubicle-like room you share. Manager Kim normally never calls you out in front of the rest of them and you’re fuming. Tossing down your legal pad, you whirl around as the three of them enter the room.

“What the fuck, James?!” you hiss as he calmly sits behind his desk and resumes typing on his computer.

“Looks like the Princess is upset,” Paul stage-whispers to Laura as he too sits down. You ignore him. He’s just as irrelevant beforehand as he is now.

“What do you need, Y/N? I have to send the notes from the meeting to Manager Kim,” James responds, not looking up at you. Your face further sours.

“You read my fucking files?! That wasn’t your event to handle and you know that!” you yell.

“Well, you took too long to respond -”

“I had barely opened my mouth -”

“- and Manager Kim needed a response, so I responded,” he finishes, ignoring your outburst.

“Y/N, please calm down. We don’t want to make a scene,” Laura pleads.

“Calm down? Laura, he made me look incompetent,” you argue.

“But you are, Y/N.” You pause and turn to James once again. Disbelief is written across your face as you stare each other down. You were the imcompetent one? “You should be ready to answer any question about any event J&M has going on whether it’s your’s or someone else’s. It’s not my fault that you were never taught the basics of efficiency in a company. The job has to get done and I completed the task. Simple,” he finishes. His incessant typing is all you hear as you stare at him. James had never been this bold before. Especially not with you.

“Watch your mouth, James,” you tell him coolly.

“Furthermore, your failure in that meeting shows that you’re incapable of handling bigger projects. I mean, you couldn’t recall the most straightforward details of a birthday party for a six-year-old child. Why should Manager Kim trust you to work on the coveted Cavallero contract? You’ve given her no reason to. All you’ve done is eliminated yourself from the running, effectively leaving Laura and I. Which is no challenge because - no offense Laura - you’re not really competition. I just hope you guys can maange when my hands are full with this project.”

You laugh as Laura cowers. You weren’t sure whether it was from the sound or James’ particularly harsh words, but the atmosphere in the room was much worse than in the meeting. Biting back the words you really wanted to tell him, you heed Laura’s advice and decide to not cause a scene. This is a professional establishment and you need this job. There are goals you want to accomplish and you wouldn’t let a slimy bastard like James Carter distract you. He’d finally shown his true colors - what he really thought of you - and you’re only grateful the others had been around to witness it.

“Alright, James. It seems like you’ve been holding back on us. Just remember: a word once let out of a cage cannot be whistled back again,” you tell him as you resume your duties at your desk. Flipping open a new page of your legal pad, you write neatly at the top: Emmerson Engagement. If James thought he had bested you, he had another thing coming.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Laura asks as she joins you in the staff room for lunch.

“Never better,” you reply, sipping on your iced coffee as you warm your leftover lasagna in the microwave. Gods bless your sweet, sweet roommate.

“What James said to you this morning was pretty harsh,” she says as she makes herself a steaming cup of green tea. Always the health conscious one that girl.

“James seems to be tired of our shit,” you chuckle. “I’ve heard worse though, Laura. Don’t worry about me. He said some pretty harsh things about you, too.”

She nods. “I didn’t think he could be so mean! And counting me out?! I worked really hard on my designs!” Laura’s voice doesn’t sound too sure, but you nod in agreeance.

“Your bridal party design last spring was very well done,” you tell her around a mouthful of lasagna.

“Exactly!” she says in a huff as she plops down across from you, nearly burning herself in the process. “And your event was really good too! The one you did a few months ago,” she trails off. You laugh.

“Which one was that?”

“You know, the one for the family with that really fancy theme? And lots of people came...”

“Oh, the Winter Wonderland scene on the ice rink?”

“Yes, that one!” she exclaims.

“That was Marie’s project before she got transferred to Jenson’s team,” you say with a laugh. Laura almost chokes on her tea as you wipe your mouth clean. “No need for you to try and make me feel better by pretending to remember something I’ve worked on. I’m honestly fine,” you chuckle again.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry -”

“Y/N?” James stands in the doorway looking quite displeased. You raise your eyebrows at him in response. “Manager Kim would like to see you in her office. Please make it quick as I’m going to get Mr. Cavallero’s assistant soon.” You laugh loudly.

“Of course, James. I’ll be sure to let Manager Kim know you’d like her to rush her meeting for your convenience.”

He scowls as you brush past him, your half-eaten lunch and coffee in hand. Mercury must be in retrograde for James to think that he can make demands of you any type of way. It seems that you need to put him back in his place; he’d gotten too comfortable with the little office jokes you all shared. Grabbing your legal pad and pen, you smooth down the little flyaway hairs and your white button down shirt; you couldn’t receive another lashing looking unkempt. Knocking on the door, you wait for Manager Kim to answer before you enter.

“You asked to see me, Manager Kim?”

“Yes. Please take a seat, Y/N. I’ll be with you in a second,” she replies as she finishes typing on her computer. You sit gingerly in the unoccupied chair as you’d done this morning and wait for her to rip into you. “Right. Let’s get to it. What was that this morning?” You inhale deeply.

“Honestly, I was thinking about James’ event and mentally noting changes I would make as possible suggestions to him when you called on me. I wasn’t dozing off because I was bored,” you answer.

“Hmm. And what changes would you have made?” she asks curiously as she gives you her undivided attention.

“Well, the future Mrs. Emmerson is a woman of prestige. Class. While roses are a classic choice, white tulips are pre-on-trend and I think she would enjoy being a part of that group. He also chose the Dom Perignon champagne, but I thought Veuve Clicquot would be the better option. High price doesn’t always mean high flavor. I do agree with his choice of venue though. The high ceilings will look great in the low afternoon light and the white lights in the evening will make for great photos,” I finished. “But of course, the client is always right and if this is her chosen design, we’ll go with that.”

Manager Kim stares at you until you start to feel slightly uncomfortable under her gaze. You know you hadn’t overstepped and she had asked for your honest opinion, but when sitting in front of one of the best event designers in the game, second guessing yourself is inevitable.

“You didn’t think to say anything earlier in the meeting?” she asks.

“I wasn’t aware that giving opinions on other people’s events was ideal during a regular updates meeting.”

“You should speak up more. Your ideas aren’t as bad as you think they are,” Madeline says as she leans back in her chair. “How else do you expect to lead any major project?”

Just as you’re going to respond, a knock sounds at the door. “Come in!” Manager Kim yells.

“Should I leave? James did say he was going to collect Mr. Cavallero’s assistant,” you trail off, getting ready to stand.

“No. No, you’re fine,” she says with a wave of her hand. “Ah, Mr. Carlisle - oh! And Mr. Cavallero! What a surprise! I didn’t know you would be joining us,” Manager Kim says as she stands and you follow suit.

“I happened to have some free time and decided to tag along as Lewis was dropping off the notes. I hope you don’t mind. I thought it would be helpful to have me here in case you had any questions that needed direct attention,” Mr. Cavallero responds. “And please, call me Jonas.”

Mr. Cavallero, or Jonas as he would like to be referred to, is dressed in his typical big spender suit: a deep navy blue suit with a pristine white buttoned-down shirt and pre-released Versace patent leather monk strap shoes. His aura fills the entire space, though he only stands in the doorway of Madeline’s office. You can practically feel the gel between your fingers as you look at his salt-and-pepper slicked back hair; the sheen is almost as bright as his shoes.

“And Miss Y/L/N, yes? What a pleasure to see you again. Will you be sitting in on this meeting as well? Lewis could only sing your praises after you left,” he asks. You struggle to keep your face neutral as James’ searing gaze washes over you. You know Manager Kim’s ears must be red as her secretive meeting is foiled by her best client.

“Actually, I was just -”

“- going to bring the file for the event as you were previously suggesting. Right, Y/N?” Manager Kim says as she turns to you with a stiff smile. “You are our chosen intern, afterall.” You can barely contain your gasp as she says the words. You had gotten the contract?! James does not try to hide his shock at her statement as his eyes widen and his mouth nearly falls open.

“It’ll be a pleasure working with you again, Miss Y/L/N,” Mr. Carlisle says with a smile.

“Of course,” you reply with a deep head nod. “I look forward to working with you both as well. I’ll be back with your file shortly.”

“Thank you, Y/N. And thank you James for going to get them. You may leave now,” Manager Kim adds as she turns her attention back to her guests, inviting them to sit and make themselves comfortable.

You walk calmly, though you feel anything but that, across the room as James holds the door open for you. Pleading with the gods to be on your side, you race ahead of him to the breakroom for fresh, new bottles of water - a sight to see in a knee length pencil skirt and the infamous 4-inch stilettos that are apparently still required in this day and age. Your office is filled with hushed whispers until you round the corner and enter the small room.

“You got the Cavallero project?!” Paul exclaims. “Holy shit! You’re better than I thought, Y/N!” You laugh as you search your desk for the copy of the previous plans you’d developed from that day’s secret meeting.

“Congratulations, Y/N!” Laura cheers, bouncing up and down. “Your first real major project. Isn’t that exciting, James?”

“Sure. If you can be happy for someone who fucked her way to get the position,” he says biterrly. “Lewis could only sing your praises after you left?” James scoffs. “Sounds like you worked really hard in that meeting.”

“James!” Laura gasps.

“Oh it’s fine, Laura. If you think that James, I can’t stop you,” you say with a shrug. “But I’ll be happy to discuss my scandalous sex life with you after I meet with our coveted client.”

You prance out of the office with a smug smile on your face. Of course James would resort to a low blow because he didn’t get what he wanted; he was worse than the six-year-old child he had reprimanded you about. Tucking the fake file under your arm as the real one is still in Madeline’s office, you carry the bottles of water back to the meeting. After passing the bottles to your clients, you stand diligently behind Manager Kim with your notepad at the ready.

“Please Miss Y/L/N, take my seat,” Jonas says, standing.

“Oh no, I couldn’t.”

“I insist. I do my best thinking standing up.”

“He does this often in his office,” Lewis agrees. Glancing at Manager Kim, you gingerly sit down on the end of the chair after thanking Jonas again.

“You had mentioned that you enjoyed the designs Y/N had developed, but as you know these are drafts and can be changed as you deem fit, Mr. Cavallero. Are there any things that come to mind or can we work on finalizing these details?” Madeline asks. You watch as Jonas strides around the office, seemingly in thought.

“You proposed hosting the event at one of the upscale hotels downtown, but I was wondering if you had any other options. We want the environment to feel lavish, but not over the top,” he replies. “I was actually thinking of something -” he pauses “ - more intimate.”

Writing down his wishes, you rack your brain for places that fit his description. Most clients of his caliber wanted something extravagant, but Jonas was proving to be a very different man. Quite the surprise that you were not expecting. “Would you like something with more modern architecture or classical?” you ask.

“I have always been a fan of French architecture; the European style also seems to be popular among our own clients. Most of them come from European backgrounds,” Jonas answers.

“They might find the interior design reminiscent,” Madeline thinks aloud and jots it down.

“It could be very good for signing contracts, sir,” Lewis adds.

“I may have a suggestion. Chateau’s is a little outside of the city, but the view is magnificent. It’s family owned so that may benefit you with your clients as well. It also has a rooftop that would look great in the afternoon sun as well as the late evening should the event last longer than expected,” you suggest. “I’ve also read great reviews saying that the food is well prepared too.”

“This could lower your costs for your first event and more money can be reserved for the benefit gala you’re also organizing,” Madeline sneaks in. She’s right, of course. A benefit gala planned by Madeline Kim would require much more than what Mr. Cavallero had said he was okay with spending, but he didn’t need to know that right now.

“Hmm,” he ponders turning around. “This sounds doable. I’d like to see what you can come up with for designs for this new place as well as scheduling a visit to see it for myself. All of this can be done before the initial deadline of securing a venue, yes?”

“Absolutely,” Madeline responds and you keep your composure as you review your mental calendar of events knowing this would be difficult to pull off. Brunch is scheduled a month and a half from today’s date meaning you had to somehow convince Chateau’s to take on your client, create an acceptable menu, and allow you to make any decorating changes within two weeks to make the deadline. Madeline is batshit crazy, but it would have to get done to secure the benefit gala - the whole reason for the company even accepting this contract.

“I can have all the details typed and sent to you within the next week. I’ll also keep the downtown hotel as an option if Chateau's is unavailable for your intended date. I’m sure we can use the rooftop of a hotel to create an intimate setting that your guests would enjoy,” you add. “I would also like to request the location of the benefit gala. I understand this is a very important event for your law firm and I would like to begin drafting plans for your approval at the earliest convenience.”

“Yes, of course. We use the Finca Corte as they have the best grand ballroom in the city. Lewis, please send Miss Y/L/N the past itineraries of the event so she may have a better understanding of the atmosphere we wish to create for our guests.” Lewis nods and makes his own notes, before his wrist watch alarms.

“Ah, Mr. Cavallero. Your 4pm meeting is on time this afternoon. We should leave now so you aren’t late,” Lewis warns. Jonas nods and you all stood to say your goodbyes.

“Please, if you need anything, reach out to Lewis and he’ll get in contact with me so I can answer any of your questions,” Jonas says with a smile as he shakes your hands.

“Of course, Mr. Cavallero. Please feel free to do the same,” Madeline replies though you can hear the tightness in her voice and for the third time, you wonder what her relationship is with Jonas. They had to have had some history for her to always seem on edge in his presence.

“Let me walk you both downstairs,” you offer. J&M isn’t as large as Hastings and Lewis, but there are many twists and turns on each floor that guests could get lost in.

You don’t turn your head as you pass your tiny office space and head for the elevator. You wouldn’t give any of those fuckers your attention in the presence of high quality clientele. It’s cramped inside but not uncomfortable as you ride down from the fourth floor. Jonas turns to you once again as you stand in the lobby.

“Again Miss Y/L/N, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. Lewis would be happy to answer any of your questions if you can’t get in contact with me,” he says and hands you his business card.

“I actually did have one question before you go. Well two actually. Finca Corte - it isn’t a chain, is it? Just one location?”

“Right. On 17th and Main near the Grande Theatre, but the next block over,” Jonas replies.

“And there’s no need to call and reserve the date? The notes Lewis had given us hadn’t mentioned anything about the date or a deposit,” you state.

“No, the firm takes care of those details. The benefit gala is always reserved for the third Saturday in May every year,” Lewis responds. Three months from now, you think.

“Oh, wonderful. I know you have to get going so I’ll email you any other questions, Lewis. Thank you again. Please return to the firm safely,” you say cheerly and wave. They return it and you wait for them to get into their sleek town car before you let your face fall into a frown. You’d never been to or heard of Finca Corte before, but why did the location seem so familiar? You try not to dwell on it too much as you head back upstairs. There are more pressing matters at hand, like putting James back into the roach-infested place he’d crawled out of. You grin as you head off the elevator.

Rosalia greets you as you enter the old two-bedroom apartment you share. Slipping off your heels that you’re sure has blood crusted into the toes from excessive wear, you scratch behind her ears as she purrs. She’s one of the better things to happen to you in your life and you’re grateful for her little pieces of affection even though you’re positive she had made some attempts to smother you in your sleep so she could have your bed.

“You’re home?” Amaya calls out from her hidden position on the couch.

“Yeah! Did you make dinner?” you ask as you follow your nose to the kitchen where a large pot stews on the stove.

“Of course I did. We all know you’d starve if I didn’t cook,” she says as she bumps you out of the way to check on the food. You mock her as you sit down at the antique metal table that you rarely ate at, choosing to have your meals in the much more comfortable living room on the sofa.

“I could survive!” you yell, trying to defend yourself, but Amaya isn’t having it.

“You couldn’t. Was the lasagna okay today, though?” she asks, changing the subject.

“The best. You should really consider opening a restaurant and forgetting all this computer engineer stuff,” you tell her seriously.

“Ha! As if that would pay off these loans. Either way, this is an investment. Once I’m done with this degree, I’ll be able to program computers to make these dishes for me and rake in a ton of money to get us out of this place,” she says with determination.

Amaya is a third year computer engineering student at Oberman University. Surprisingly smaller than you, she carries as much kick as you do, the two of you getting into numerous instances of mild misdemeanors. Amaya had actually hacked a few systems after she had found out that you weren’t really registered for classes at the University so you could get some credit; she’s a computer genius. Thanks to her, you technically have an Associates degree, but of course Oberman would never grant it to you unless you actually re-enroll. Amaya doesn’t take anyone’s shit though she looks like she’s 12 with her big green eyes and short blunt bob, the bangs a little too long and falling into her eyes.

“Thank you for including me in your plans for world domination, Aya,” you say while taking your hair out of your bun.

“Of course. You know you’re family to me, even though you leave your fucking dishes in the sink,” she replies while placing a piping bowl of beef stew and white rice in front of you. You thank the gods for her as you tuck in, burning your tongue in the process.

“I love you. So, so, so much.”

“Are you talking to me or the stew?” she asks with a laugh as she blows her food to cool it down. You laugh in response. “How was work? Oh my gosh, did you get the project?!”

You grin and nod. “I did!” She squeals in delight and claps her hands. “Though James was extremely displeased. He actually called me incompetent -”

“Hold on. He called you incompetent? Has he seen his progress report? And wasn’t he the one that forgot to submit his file that made that whole project you did a few months ago late?”

“Right. He was so shocked when Madeline announced it was me, even insinuated that I fucked my way to get the position. Kim was heated that Jonas mentioned our meeting while he was in the room though because it was supposed to be a secret,” you explain.

“Of course he would say something like that.” She rolls her eyes. “There seem to be a lot of secrets happening around you. Speaking of which, when do you head back to Spiral to snoop?” Amaya asks. “Do you think you can find anything in the hallway? Maybe you should break into Suga’s office or something,” she suggests.

“Friday night and I don’t think Suga would leave anything lying around like that for me to see again, not after I’m pretty sure he caught me reading his papers a few weeks ago,” you reply, pushing the rice around the plate. That had been extremely careless and might have killed a lead to your mini investigation before it had even begun.

“The one with all that information right? Gosh, I wish you had my photographic brain, that way you could have written down what you had seen and we could solve this whole mystery,” she groans.

“Oh no, Aya. I don’t want you getting involved with this. It seems way too dangerous and you -”

“- have my whole life ahead of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. But I want to know where this guy went. Like what if he’s still out there and looking for you?” she questions.

“I know, I know. I don’t want you worrying about it though. I can handle it,” you promise. “I feel like I’ve seen the address before though, but I can’t figure out where.” You rub your forehead as if you could magically make the numbers appear in your mind again. Aya’s photographic memory really would have come in handy.

“What about the date?” Amaya asks. “Or the name? You said the name was weird, unusual.” You nod. What had it said?

“There was a date, a location, and a name with an amount of money. Like a contract or something,” you sigh. “It looked really similar to the ones we have at work. Fuck. I don’t know. Between this and planning the benefit gala, my brain feels like it’s going to explode.” Amaya laughs as she finishes her dinner.

“Please don’t hurt yourself. It’ll come to you,” she says, giving your shoulder a squeeze. “Well, I have Calc 3 homework to finish and these theorems won’t do themselves so I’ll see you in the morning. Wash your fucking plate,” she finishes and pointes her finger at you. You hold up your hands in surrender as she leaves hers in the sink for you to clean. It’s the least you can do as she made all your meals.

Grabbing your purse and lugging it behind you after washing the dishes, you head to your room, Rosalia following in tow. Surprisingly, your bed is still intact which means that Amaya had made sure Rosalia hadn’t gotten into your room. Bless her. Not that there was much to get into as you the minimum possessions a person could have: a bed, a few photos, and enough clothes to last you a few weeks without doing laundry. You place your files and notepads onto your bed, eager to go and take a shower before organizing your notes in preparation for the debrief you would no doubt have to give to the rest of your colleagues tomorrow.

“Was your day as long as mine, Rosalia?” You scratch her head as she hops up on your bed and makes herself at home between your papers, a few of them scattering to the floor. “Apparently not as you want to make mine even longer,” you murmur as you bend to pick up the loose sheets of today’s meeting notes from the Cavallero project. You pause.

Jonas. That was the name that was on top of the paper in Suga’s office. What would be the odds that the Jonas on the paper would be the Jonas Cavallero you were working for? If that Jonas was the same Jonas, then was the location on the paper one of the events you were working on? How would Suga have that information? You sit against the side of your bed. Unless -

Yanking your phone out your purse’s side pocket, you google “Hastings & Lewis benefit gala”. Just as you’d suspected, the information is public knowledge: the third Saturday of May at the Finca Corte. There is no way in hell that Spiral is catering that event; they weren’t ritzy enough to be hired by the likes of one of the most expensive hotels in the city for one of the biggest events on the city’s calendar. Something is going on and you just know all of this is connected somehow. You just need proof. Maybe Maya is right. You’d broken into a few places before. How hard could it be to get into Suga’s office?

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emmy-writes-sometimes · 4 years

Text

Oceans

You’ve been Tom’s best friend for years, but the night before he leaves, all of that changes and you can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever find your way back to each other. Loosely based off Oceans by Seafret.

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Word count: 4,200

Warnings: Angst, fluff, brief mentions of 18+ activities but nothing graphic.

A/N: This is a re-post because it never showed up in the tags. It’s a little different than what I usually write, but I’m really proud of it!

Your relationship with Tom was far from normal from the moment you met him. You’d moved to the UK to go to college, since it was cheaper and you eventually wanted to live there, and for the first semester you’d lived on the campus housing. And then you met Tom and Harrison at a bar, who said they had an extra room, and three days later you were moving in.

Tom had been your best friend since then. Your absolute best friend. You loved the same movies, music, video games, you both loved golfing and hiking and being outdoors. You did as much as you could together, and you lived with him for three happy years. You graduated and got a job in London, so you stayed, and you’d gotten used to just dog-sitting and house-sitting while Tom and Harrison and his brothers were off filming.

You were used to him leaving. That didn’t mean you liked it, because you definitely didn’t. You loved having the boys around, especially your best friend, and when they were gone your life felt empty. You had come to the decision that you liked Tom, more than you should. Your heart fluttered every time he was around. You turned into a giggly little girl whenever he touched you.

You loved how hard he worked. You loved the way he was with his dog. You loved the way he was always patient and kind and looking out for everyone with no regard for himself. You loved the charity work he did and that he genuinely wanted to make other people’s lives better. And you loved how much he loved his job. You loved him, and you were hopeless in it. So when he said he was leaving for three months, your heart felt heavy. He promised he would call you and FaceTime you and text you all the time, and you were sure he would. But you were going to miss him, even if it was just because you were selfish and you wanted him around.

You didn’t quite know how you ended up in the situation you were in. You and Tom had been playing Call of Duty together when you ended up throwing your controller down, playfully angry, and you’d ended up wrestling each other on the couch. And then, without a conversation about what it could mean, he’d kissed you.

He’d kissed you.

He did it first. You kissed him back, though, and in a few minutes you were sitting in the darkness of the living room with the only light from the paused game that had gone back to the menu. You were straddling Tom’s thighs, and one of his hands was splayed across the back of your thigh, tips of his fingers underneath your shorts. His other hand was at your waist, dragging you back and forth on his lap. Your hands were on his shoulders, and it was hot. It was heavy. He was making you whine and whimper and all you were doing was kissing each other. You didn’t know how long you were there, but it was long enough that the TV shut off. And finally you’d pulled away from him, just to breathe, and Tom’s face paled.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered. “That was a mistake.” He didn’t seem like he regretted it, especially not while you were doing it, because he was hard as hell below you and you could feel it as you sat there, hands on his shoulders. When he said that you shouldn’t have done that, you thought that he meant it was a mistake. That he had done something he didn’t want to do, that you’d made him do something he didn’t want to do.

“You…” You felt tears prick your eyes like thorns, falling down your cheeks in defiance. You had given yourself away. He knew now that you liked him, that you were willing to do anything for him, and now you knew he didn’t feel the same way. He felt like it was a mistake. Like you were a mistake. Like every single second together…

“Y/N, listen,” he started to say. He grabbed at the old t-shirt you’d tucked into your shorts, trying to keep you there, but all it did was un-tuck it. You put a shaky leg down on the ground and then the other. Tom tried to grab you and you wrestled him off. And then you walked up the stairs to your room, shut the door, and cried.

You tried to be quiet with it because Harrison’s room was on the other side of your wall. You fought to stay silent with your tears and it came out as squeaks and an occasional gasp and you heard footsteps at your door. They were there for a minute or two, thinking of whether to knock or not, and then they moved on. You knew it was Tom because his door shut next. Did you mean that little to him that he wasn’t even going to talk to you about it? That he was just going to let you think that he didn’t want you? Yeah. Because he probably didn’t, you thought.

The battle between your head and your heart ended eventually and you were too tired to even change out of your clothes. You just laid there in your made bed, a throw blanket on top of you, and popped one of the sleeping pills you needed when you were alone.

You woke up when the sun was rising. You’d missed saying goodbye to Tom, and probably for good reason. Normally he’d wake you up and say a sweet goodbye, kiss the top of your head, and tell you that he couldn’t wait to get up to bullshit when he got back. Instead your door was open, your light had been turned off, and there was a note written with one of your work pens on your nightstand on top of your phone. You’d left your phone downstairs, you realized.

We need to talk when I get back, don’t we? Airbnb is 423 Leighton Street, 44135. We have an extra room. I’ll miss you every minute. X Tommy :)

You sat up, reading over the note several times. He wanted you to come visit him, or he wouldn’t have left the address. But he said you needed to talk, too, and you knew what that meant. You knew that meant that he wanted to let you down easy and tell you that he valued your friendship or whatever, but that all it was ever going to be was a friendship. And he mentioned an extra room, which he wouldn’t unless he didn’t want you with him. You’d shared rooms and beds multiple times before and he’d always held you so close that it made you wonder if he wanted something more. But you guessed he didn’t. Or he would’ve said something. And now there was a fucking ocean between you and you didn’t have the strength to close the distance.

You sat up and went downstairs to feed the dog, looking around at the empty house. Tom had picked up the living room the night before, including the area where you’d made your mistake. You cut up some fruit and made some eggs and went up to your room to start work. Eventually one of Tom’s brothers was home, but you didn’t go out to greet him. You stayed in your room, burying yourself in your work so you wouldn’t have to think about it.

Eventually they must have gotten off of their flight because you got a slew of snapchats in from Harrison, all of them about Tom. And then he’d texted you, asking what had happened the night before because Tom was acting weird whenever Harrison mentioned you. You just avoided the conversation at all costs, even if it seemed weird. Maybe Tom would give in and tell Harrison and then Harrison would tell you.

You got a text from Tom a few days later, just a meme, and against your better judgement you responded with the laughing emoji and another meme you’d been saving in your camera roll. He acted like nothing happened, and so did you. Your friends chided you for being stupid enough to go along with it instead of being the adult and initiating the conversation, but you couldn’t face it. You refused to face the fact that Tom didn’t want you the way you wanted him.

Things were absolutely miserable for the first month. The entire first month. You tried to distract yourself by taking Tessa on extra long walks, going to the pub with your girlfriends, and playing the Sims when you weren’t working. You managed to forget about Tom until he’d send you a text or a snapchat. Until he’d post something on his Instagram story of his voice or the way he’d been working out.

It was dumb to be crying over a stupid video, but you cried. You cried because your best friend’s voice, you missed his hugs, you missed hanging out with him all the time. You missed what you had before you made the mistake. You even missed the misery of not knowing how he felt. Two of the three months passed and your mental health had spiraled from being alone. Harrison knew that and he wondered why it wasn’t Tom checking in on you, but he’d FaceTime you until all hours of the night and call you if he knew you were walking alone, and he would often tell you how much he loved you because he thought you needed it. And you did.

“Just come visit for a weekend, please!” Harrison begged you on the phone. “I literally will pay for your ticket. I miss you! Tom misses you, he barely ever shuts up about how much he misses you.”

“Yeah, and about the fucking ‘mistake’ we made, has he told you about that?” You replied. He sighed.

“No. But I thought something must’ve happened because he was upset the whole plane ride over.”

“He kissed me, Harrison. Or I kissed him. And we all but had our clothes off before he pulled away from me and said it was a mistake. And I all but told him that I’m stupidly in love with him. And that’s why things are so weird. Because he doesn’t want me like I want him.”

“Yes, he does,” Harrison insisted.

“No, he doesn’t!” You were so angry that you were about to cry. “He doesn’t. Not like I want him. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re not stupid and I know Tom doesn’t think it was a mistake, at least not what you think he means.” You sighed.

“I still don’t know. The look on his face, it was like he hated me. It was like he didn’t want me around.”

“He does. And I do. Just come hang out with me. Please? We can rent a car and go see your family if you want, too. The twins already said they’d watch Tessa.” You sighed.

“Fine. I’ll send you a flight plan. Just… don’t tell Tom. I don’t want him to try and tell me not to come.”

“Okay. Just know you’re being ridiculous about this.” You shut the phone off and bought a flight like Harrison told you to do, sending him the plan. You took your next few days of work off, promising you’d send your project in before the due date because you were ahead anyway. And then you packed your suitcase, grabbed your passport, and left the house.

You updated Harrison as you got on the plane and opened the entertainment center to see that of course one of the free in-flight movies was one of the movies that Tom was in. You scrolled past it, not wanting to even think about it, and started watching the few free episodes of TV shows that were on there. Nobody texted you, thankfully, except for Harrison and your parents to confirm that your plane was still in the air and not hijacked.

The plane landed and you plugged in the address to the Airbnb they were staying at. Luckily they had just left for set so you had most of the day to yourself. Harrison was going to make an excuse to come back around lunch to hang out with you, so until then you were left on your own. Harrison had neglected to tell you which room was yours, so you had to wander around and find it. The first room was obviously his, since his stuff was strewn everywhere, but then you looked at the next room. You dropped your bags when you saw what was on the nightstand.

It was a picture that you thought Tom would’ve left in London, since he didn’t have a picture of anyone else in his room. Not even his family. It was a picture of the two of you when you’d gone to Disney World with everyone. The two of you were just smiling beside one another, his arm behind you as you leaned against one of the fences in Animal Kingdom. That had been one of your favorite days, ever, and one of the days that helped you realize that you were in love with him. You couldn’t understand why there was a picture of you in there but nobody else, but it made you feel even worse. Why would he have a picture of you if you were such a mistake?

“Fuck you, Tom,” you muttered out loud. You turned from the room and found the guest room, settling in and taking a nap until your phone rang. It was Harrison, telling you to meet him at a certain restaurant.

He got there before you did, and when you did he hugged you just as tightly as you always had. You carried on a normal conversation, but you knew he was going to ask you about Tom sooner or later. You decided to ask him first.

“Why does he have a picture of me by his bed?” You asked Harrison. He sighed, putting down the napkin he was holding.

“Because you’re his favorite person. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Y/N. He loves you. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but he needs to get over it.”

“Or maybe I need to get over it. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it and he just wants to forget about it, so maybe I should too.” You hung your shoulders a little, sitting back, and refused to look at Harrison. Maybe he thought you were right.

“I think he’s just scared. Because everything will change, Y/N. And if it were me, I wouldn’t want anything to change because I wouldn’t want to lose you.”

“But he did. He is. He’s losing me because he pushed me away.”

“I don’t know why he pushed you away, but I think it was a mistake. I think it was a mistake and he’s going to understand that as soon as he sees you.” You looked down, your eyes tearing up. You understood what he was saying and he made a good point. Harrison was the best advice-giver you’d ever met in your life, and he was right. The whole reason you were so scared of what Tom would say to you was because you didn’t want to lose him.

You would miss his friendship more than anything, and if you had to go your entire life knowing you couldn’t tell him you loved him, you wanted to at least have him some other way. If you couldn’t hold him at night, you could hold him when the two of you were cold. If you couldn’t call him your boyfriend, you could still feel his hand on your back when it was late at night and he wanted to keep you at arm’s length. If you couldn’t have Tom as a lover, you wanted him as a friend. You knew settling was a bad idea, but you were willing to do anything just to have him. You needed to be the source of his smile like you needed air.

“Just go back to the house,” Harrison told you after he paid. He insisted on paying for you. Both he and Tom always tried to pay for you. “And I’ll tell you when we’re coming home. I need to run back to set later tonight anyway, so you two can have some time alone.” You nodded.

“Thanks.” You took an Uber back to the house and cleaned yourself up. You put on some makeup, hoping it would prevent you from crying. You had Gucci mascara, and you were not about to waste it on crying over a boy, no matter how much you loved this boy.

You sat down on the couch and started playing on the game system to pass the time. Eventually Harrison said that Tom was on his way home, so you sat up and waited. And waited. Your leg was shaking the entire coffee table on the hardwood floors, so you popped an anxiety pill even though you had a feeling that it wouldn’t help.

That was another reason you were so upset by everything – Tom had been the most understanding person when it came to talking about your anxiety and depression. He was the person you always came to, and feeling like you couldn’t come to him was making a ton of feelings swim back up to the surface. Feelings you’d tried to push away for so long. Maybe that was why he didn’t want you. Maybe you were too much to deal with. Maybe all of this was just…

The door unlocked and you stood up out of reflex, moving backwards when you saw that it was Tom. His eyes opened wide when he saw you and he had the same look on his face that he did when he told you that it was a mistake. You wanted to hit him back with his own line, especially when you saw the way he was looking at you. He had the same look Tessa did when someone teased her with chicken and didn’t give it to her.

“You said we needed to talk,” you said. It was all you could say. You were convincing yourself not to cry, that you couldn’t ruin the makeup. You crossed your arms across your chest and waited for Tom to say something. He didn’t. He just stood there.

“I…” he finally said, refusing to meet your eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let Harrison talk me into this.” Your heart felt as heavy as it ever had. Just like the night two months ago when Tom said you were a mistake. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Your legs hit the couch and you sat down, burying your face in your hands. You didn’t care about the makeup anymore. You didn’t care about anything.

“Y/N,” Tom said, walking toward you and shutting the door.

“No,” you interrupted. “I want you to listen to me, Tom. You’re the one who kissed me and then told me it was a mistake. You’re the one who left the next day to another country without the guts to tell me you don’t want me to my face. You’re the one who let me wonder for two whole months whether we’re even still friends. You’re the one who did all of this and I don’t understand why you won’t just fucking tell me you don’t want me.” You were yelling by the time you were done, and you weren’t necessarily trying to make him feel bad. You just wanted him to get that he’d been torturing you whether he wanted to or not.

“I’m not gonna tell you that because it’s not true,” he said, almost like it was a question. You stood up and scoffed.

“Tom, just…” You turned on your heels and went into the first room in the house. Tom’s room. And you saw the picture of the two of you and something inside of you broke. You cried harder than you ever remembered crying before. You didn’t know why because you didn’t cry over boys. That wasn’t you. You knew you were a badass and anyone that didn’t want you didn’t deserve you. But Tom just shook something loose inside of you and turned you into putty.

“I did this to you. Didn’t I?” He asked as he walked into the room. You sat down on the bed, trying to calm down.

“Did you not hear anything I said?” You asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just…”

“I’m a div, I deserve it. When I said this was a mistake, I didn’t mean the kiss. I didn’t mean it with you. I meant that it was a mistake to do that right before I left. The only reason I never did it before was I was afraid you wouldn’t want me because I leave. Because every girl’s told me that they can’t trust me when I leave and I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to make you worry that I would hurt you, so I didn’t want to chance it.”

“What?”

“I love you,” he muttered, scanning your eyes for any sign of protest or hatred for him. “I love you so much. And I’m so sorry for making it seem like I didn’t.”

“I trust you, Tom. I trust you more than I trust anyone. I’ve been so scared that you didn’t want me.”

“I want you. I want you so bad, Y/N. I was just so scared that I didn’t even think about how you would feel.”

“I feel like shit,” you responded. He chuckled, but he didn’t smile. He sat down beside you.

“Can I hold you for a while? And then we can talk more?” You nodded, wanting his embrace more than anything. He laid down and opened his arms and you crawled into them. He’d gotten stronger over the past couple of months and when he wrapped his arms around you it felt like they were a cage. They were holding you there because he needed you just as much as you needed him and you’d twisted each other’s words. Maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did because you should have seen it coming.

You laid there with him for about an hour or so, maybe longer. You just listened to his steady breathing, in and out, and tried to match it with yours. You pressed an ear against his shirt until you could hear his heart beating and just listened. You’d missed him so much and for a while you weren’t sure you would ever feel him again the way that you were feeling him.

“You still don’t want to be with me, do you?” You asked eventually. It was the first thing anyone had said in a long time.

“I do,” Tom said. “I want to, so badly.”

“Then why can’t we?”

“We can.” You looked up at him. “That kiss was the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N. And I don’t want to go back to whatever we were before. I want you. I want you so bad. I should’ve just told you that and the more I think about it the more I know I should have. I just didn’t want to start something and leave right after because I don’t want that to be a pattern. I don’t want to leave you all the time and I don’t want you to not trust me or feel like I’m trying to get away from you or…”

“That’s your job, Tom, I know that. I won’t blame you for that. I just blame you for fucking leaving me like this.”

“I’m so sorry I did that.”

“I forgive you.” You laid in silence for a few more minutes, and then you sat up a little, wiping the fallen tears and mascara away from your face. In a moment of bravery, you leaned down again. This time the kiss wasn’t a mistake. It was the greatest one you’d ever had. You picked up where you left off and Tom rolled on top of you, grunting a little as he found his way in between your legs.

It felt like hours before you even came up for air. You spent the entire night, just laying there underneath him, as he worshipped your entire body. You were covered in marks that he made, your body ached because of the things he did, and you were screaming out his name even when you knew you weren’t alone in the house anymore. You finally belonged to him, finally. You were drowning in the little bit of ocean left in between the two of you and you were fine with it.

“I love you,” he finally half panted, half whined against your collarbone as he nipped another mark into your skin. “I want you and I always will.”

Taglist: @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

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