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rachelbethhines · 3 years

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Vintage Shows to Watch While You Wait for the Next Episode of WandaVision - The 60s

So the 60s is the era that Wandavision pulls most heavily from for it’s inspiration. So much so that one could make the argument that each of the first three episodes are all set in the 1960s. Episode one pulls from the early 60s with multiple Dick Van Dyke refences, episode two is very Bewitched inspired, and episode three is aesthetically very similar to The Brady Bunch which started in ‘69. As such it was hard to narrow down the list for this decade and I had to get creative in some ways.

1. The Andy Griffith Show (1960 - 1968)

The Andy Griffith Show gets kind of a bad rap now a days for being, supposedly, a conservative’s wet dream. People claiming it as such have apparently never actually seen the series. Oh yes, it’s very much set in white rural 60s America and will occasionally present the obliviously outdated joke, but the story of a widowed sheriff being the only sane man in a small town full of lovable lunatics, who prefers to solve his and others problems with negotiation and hair brained schemes as opposed to violence has far more in common with modern day Steven Universe than whatever genocidal fantasy fake rednecks have in their heads.

As the gif above shows Andy Griffith was very subtlety progressive for its time. Andy was a stanch pacifist, pro-gun control, treated drug addicts and prisoners with respect, and all the women he would date had careers, ect. and so on. It’s not a satire making any sort of grand political statements but the series had a moral center that was far more left than many realize.

But if it’s not a satire, then what type of comedy is it?

The Andy Griffith Show excels in what I like to call, ‘awkward comedy’. See everyone in Mayberry is far too nice to just come out and tell a character they’re making an ass of themselves, so therefore whoever is the idiot punching bag of the episode’s focus must slowly unravel as everyone looks on in helpless pity until said character realizes the folly of their ways and the townsfolk come together to make them feel happy and accepted once more. Wandavision takes this polite idyllic awkwardness and plays it up for horror instead of laughs.

2. The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961 - 1966)

The creators of Wandavision actually met with Dick Van Dyke himself to pick his brain and learn how sitcoms were made back then. Paul Bentley also took inspiration from Van Dyke in his performance of the sitcom version of Vision, while Olsen stated Mary Tylor Moore had a heavy influence on her character of Wanda. But more than just being a point of homage, The Dick Van Dyke Show was hugely influential in modernizing the family sitcom and breaking a lot of the unspoken traditions and ‘rules’ of the 50s television era. It’s also just really, really funny.

3.The Alfred Hitchcock Hour (1962 - 1965)

Bit of a cheat here. Alfred Hitchcock Presents actually started in 1955 as a half hour anthology show, but in ‘62 the show got a revamp and was extended into a full hour tv series. I knew I wanted The Twilight Zone to be covered in my episode one recap, but ‘The Master of Suspense’ couldn’t be forgotten. While The Twilight Zone reveled in the surreal and supernatural, Alfred Hitchcock pioneered the thriller genre and made real life seem dangerous, horrifying, and other worldly.

4. Doctor Who (1963 - present day) vs Star Trek (1966 - present day)

Just like how westerns dominated the air waves during the 50s, science fiction was the center of the cultural zeitgeist of the 60s. From Lost in Space to My Favorite Martian, space aliens and robots were everywhere. So naturally I had to name drop the two sci-fi juggernauts that still air to this today. If you thought that the rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek was bad then you’ve never seen a chat full of Whovians and Trekkies duking it out over who is the better monster, the Borg or the Cyberman. But which one has the more influence over Wandavision?

Well Star Trek owes it’s existence to sitcoms. As with The Twilight Zone before it, Star Trek was produced by Desilu Productions and it’s co-founder and CEO, Lucille Ball, was the series biggest supporter behind the scenes, lobbying for it when it faced early cancelation. As with all things sitcomy, everything ties back to I Love Lucy in the end. However despite that little backstory, it would seem that the series has very little to do with Wandavision itself beyond being quintessentially American.

I would argue that Wandavision owes much to Doctor Who though. Arguably more so than any show mentioned in this retrospective. Time travel, alternate realities, trouble in quite suburbia, brainwashing, people coming back from the dead, ect... just about every trope you can find in Wandavision has also appeared in Doctor Who at some point. As a series that can go anywhere and do anything, Doctor Who was a pioneer of marrying genres in new and interesting ways.

5. Bewitched (1964 - 1972) and I Dream of Jeannie (1965 - 1970)

It’s hard to pick one series over another because they’re essentially the same show. A mortal man falls in love with a magical girl who upends their lives with magic filled hijinks as they try their best not to have their secret discovered by the rest of the world. And both have their fingerprints all over the DNA of Wandavision.

There’s only two core differences; Samantha and Jeannie have completely different personalities, with Sam being confident and knowledgeable and Jeannie being naïve and oblivious, along with their relationships with their respective men, Sam and Darrin being married and in love at the start of the series and Jeannie chasing after Tony in the beginning in a will they/won’t they affair, finally only getting together in the last season.

6. The Munsters (1964 - 1966) vs The Adams Family (1964 - 1966)

Fans of these two shows are forever sadden that there never was a crossover between them. Because they’d fit perfectly together. Both shows are about a surreal and macabre family living in American suburbia and disrupting the lives of their neighbors with their otherworldly hijinks. Sound familiar?

The main difference between the two shows is the way the characters viewed their placement in the world they inhabit.

The Munsters were always oblivious to the fact that didn’t fit in. They just automatically assumed everyone had the same personal tastes as them. Whenever they encountered anyone who behaved strangely around them they would write that person off as being the odd one rather than questioning themselves. As such the main cast was structured like a stereotypical sitcom family who just happened to be classic movie monsters.

The Addams were well aware that they were abnormal and they loved it! They lived life with in their own little world and didn’t care what anyone thought of them. As such the characters were far more colorful and quirky as individuals but there was little in the way of refences to other horror franchises beyond just a general love of the twisted and strange.

7. Green Acres (1965 - 1971) and the Rual-verse (1962 - 1971)

So the MCU is not the first franchise to bring viewers an interconnected universe to the small screen. Far from it, as sitcoms had been doing this for decades, starting with the ‘rualverse’. Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction, and Green Acres were all produced by the same company and were treated as spinoffs of each other, complete with crossovers and shared characters and sets.

Of the three, the last show, Green Acres, has the most in common with Wandavision. A well to do businessman and his lovely socialite wife settle down in small town America on a farm in order to get away from the stresses of city life, only to find new stresses in the country. Eva Gabor, herself a natural Hungarian, plays the character of Lisa as Hungarian making her one of the few non-native born Americans on tv screens during the cold war. Despite her posh nature and original protests to the move, Lisa assimilates to the rural life far easier than her husband, Oliver. Who, as the main comedic thread, can’t comprehend his new quirky neighbors’ odd and often illogical behavior.

8. Hogan’s Heroes (1965 - 1971) and Get Smart (1965 - 1969)

So as comic fans have been quick to point out, it’s looking like both A.I.M. (Hydra) and Sword (Shield) will be players in the story of Wandavision. To commemorate that here’s two shows to represent those opposing sides. Although in truth, neither series has anything else in common with each other but I need to condense things down someway.

In Hydra’s corner we got Hogan’s Heroes. A show all about taking down Nazis from within.

I love, love, love, ‘robin hood’ comedies where a group of con artists try week after to week to pull one over the establishment. The Phil Silvers Show, Mchale's Navy, and Top Cat, just to name a few examples are all childhood favorites of mine. However while those shows had a lot of morally ambiguous characters, Hogan’s Heroes has very clear cut good guys and bad guys, cause the bad guys are Nazis and the show relentless makes fun of the third reich as should we all. In fact I was watching Hogan’s Heroes while waiting for the GA run off election results. Fortunately my home state decided to kick out our own brand of Nazis this year.

For Shield, we got the ultimate spy spoof, Get Smart. Starring, Inspector Gadget himself, Don Adams, as the bumbling Maxwell Smart. Get Smart, is a hilarious send up of Cold War espionage but the real selling point of the show, imho, is Max and his co-worker 99′s relationship. You can cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife all while laughing your ass off.

9. Batman (1966 - 1968)

First was Superman and then came Batman. Yet while Superman was a serious action show, Batman was a straight up comedy. Showcasing that superheroes could indeed be funny.

Also shout out for Batman being the only show on this list to have an actual crossover with it’s competitor, The Green Hornet.

10. Julia (1968 - 1971)

Since episode two features the first appearances of Herb and Monica, let’s highlight the first black led sitcom since the cancelation of Amos ‘n Andy over a decade earlier. The show focuses on single mother and military nurse, Julia, as she tries to live her life without her recently decease husband, who was killed in Vietnam, as she tries to raise their six year old son on her own.

The series is cute. It’s more of a throw back to earlier family sitcoms where there’s no fantasy and life lessons are the name of the game. It’s the fact that the main character is a single black woman is what made the show so subversive and important at the time.

Runner Ups

There’s much good stuff in the 60s, so here’s some others that didn’t make the cut but I would recommend anyways.

Car 54, Where Are You? (1961 - 1963)

I call this the Brooklynn 99 of the 1960s. Bumbling but well meaning Officer Toody longs to do good in the world and help anyone in need, but often screws things up with his ill thought out schemes. He often drags his best friend and partner, the competent but anxiety riddled, Muldoon into his escapades.

Mr. Ed (1961 - 1966)

The grandfather of the sarcastic talking pet trope.

The Jetsons (1962 - 1963 and 1985 - 1987)

Hanna-Barbera often took popular sitcoms and just repackaged them as cartoons with a fantasy theme to them. The Jetsons has no singular show that it rips-off but is rather more a grab bag of sitcom tropes that feature, robots, computers, and flying cars.

The Outer Limits (1963 - 1965)

The Outer Limits was The Twilight Zone’s biggest competitor in terms of being a sic-fi/horror anthology series.

Gillian’s Island (1964 - 1967)

The only comparison to WandaVision I could think of was that this is a sitcom about people being trapped in one place. But by that point I was running out of room on the list. Still it’s one of the funniest shows on here.

So yeah, this took longer than expected cause there’s a lot, here. Hopefully the 70s will be easier. Which I’ll post on Friday.

#wandavision #sitcoms #1960s #dick van dyke #bewitched

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unmaskedagain · 4 years

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Spider Vs Bird

I worked a long time on this fic. I really liked working on it though and I hope you enjoy it

Peter met Marinette when they were six-years-old. She had been sent to camp in New York. She had been scared to be so far away from home, and while fluent in English spoke with a heavy accent that made other kids look at her funny.

Peter had never been away from his parents for more than a few days, ever. He wasn’t happy. He was miserable in fact. Peter had been sitting alone behind a tree, having escaped canoeing, face hid in his knees. His wanted nothing more than to go home. He sniffled.

“Don’t cry,” A soft voice said next to him. He looked up and saw a pretty bluenette with big blue eyes and a kind smile on her face looking at him. She looked about his age. “It’s okay. Do you miss home too?”

Peter nodded, and tried to make it look like he was crying. The other boys could be really, really mean. “I want my pops and dad.”

“I miss my mama and papa too,” Marinette said. “I’m really far away from them.”

“Where are you from?” Peter ask curiously. He hadn’t met many people from different countries before and never a kid his own age.

Marinette played with her hair, “France. Where are you from?”

“New York City,” Peter smiled. “It’s far but not as far as Paris. Do you miss it?”

“Yep; a whole a lot,” Marinette opened the care package from her Mommy and Daddy. It just made her miss them so much more. Her grandma Gina went to this camp when she was small, and so did her dad, so they sent her there too. “Chocolate, Vanilla, or Strawberry.”

And just like any kid, Peter didn’t ask why she was asking. “I like vanilla.”

“Are you allergic to anything?”

“No.”

Marinette nodded and pulled out two cupcakes from her care package. It had been sent overnight. “Here you go, have one.” She handed him a big vanilla cupcake.

Peter’s eyes went wide and he gave her a toothy grin that showed he was missing one of his front tenth. “Thank!” He bite into it. “This is really good,” he said with his mouth full.

“My parents made them,” Marinette smiled then bit into her own chocolate cupcake. “They’re bakers!”

Peter blinked at her with wide-eyes, “That’s so cool! So they cake cookies and cake and like everything right? You must get to eat as much as you want. I wish my parents were bakers!”

Marinette just laughed. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Steve and Tony would get letters from his son all about the new friend he made. And get a picture of their little boy with his arm around a blue-haired.

“Her name is Marinette,” Steve read the letter. “She’s French. Her parents are the best bakers in the world who send her weekly goodie packages. They have the coolest job ever!”

Tony blinked, “We’re superheroes.”

When they picked up Peter a month later from camp, he was ran up to him holding Marinette’s hand, “Dad, Pops; this is Marinette! She’s the best. She really smart and funny and cool. She’s my best friend ever! And-”

Tony laughed, “Easy there, squirt. Take a breath. Hi Miss Marinette.”

Marinette blushed but grinned big, “Hi, Mr. Stark, sir. Peter’s really nice. Like really nice. He even stopped a big kid from killing a poor little spider. He was really brave!”

Peter grinned, “You’re really brave. You’re the one who pushed him when he pushed me the ground. You even made him apologize. It was awesome.” He told his parents. “Can I got to Marinette’s? Please. I want to see her bakery. Pretty please.”

“Paris is a long ways away bud,” Steve teased. “You didn’t even want to leave for camp remember.”

“Not without your Ameri-bear,” Tony added with a chuckle. “You’ve been sleeping with that old teddy bear ever.”

They stopped laughing when they saw Peter giving them a wide-eyed look, his mouth dropped opened, with his face a bright red. Before they knew it, Peter was shoving them towards the car, “Be right back, Mari.”

Peter glared, “Don’t blow this for me.”

Tony snorted, “Blow what? Do you even know what they means?”

“Yes,” Peter huffed indignantly, though it was a lie. “Marinette’s really, really nice. And smart. And funny. She doesn’t think I’m weird. Or too smart or anything. And she’s so pretty. Like really, really pretty.”

Steve cooed, “Aww, you have a crush on Marinette.”

“NO!” Peter shouted. His face back to a bright shade of red.

Tony smirked, “So I shouldn’t send out the wedding invitations then?”

They were there for every milestone of Peter’s life; the day he was born, the day he crawled, his first word, his first steps, his first lab explosion, his first missing tooth, and his first day of school. Now they were baring witness to the first time Peter visibly looked to be contemplating murder. Unfortunately, it was at them.

“Mari’s parents are really cool,” Peter stated. “Just be cool like them.” Then he ran back to Marinette.

“I’m Tony Stark,” Tony said incredulously.

“I’m Captain America!” Steve said at the same time.

Still, they ended up meeting the rest of the Dupain-Cheng family, and found them delightful.

It was from that summer on that the Avengers got used to seeing Peter and Marinette running around the tower together. Peter also got used to be teased for his supposed crush on his best friend. Natasha ended up taking Marinette under wing and training her in combat and the art of spying.

However, it was only two years later, when the Avengers responded to an intruder alert and found Marinette standing over a hogtied Nick Fury, with a fierce look on her face and Peter looking proud, that Tony said two magical words:

“I ship it.”

Damian Wayne met Marinette when they were ten-years-old. Damian had only been living with his father for five years but still had trouble acting like a normal kid. The life of a league of shadows member was hard to break from; especially if it’s ingrained from a young age. He had been chastised more than a few times for leaving off on his own, especially in a place like Gotham.

When Alfred informed them that an old friend and business associate was coming to visit with her granddaughter, a girl Damian’s age; it was to no one’s surprise when his father took him aside and made him promise to be polite.

The woman Gina had showed up in the beginning of summer. She arrived on a motorcycle that had been so loud they heard as soon as she pulled up to the house. Alfred had answered the door with a chuckle.

“Penny!” The woman exclaimed and jumped at him with a hug. She had short silver, nearly white, hair and dressed mostly black and had a studded black leather jacket on and boots. “Ugh, still as boring as ever, I see,” Gina said once she pulled back from the hug.

“Gina,” Alfred smiled. “You haven’t change a bit.”

Gina just laughed, and turned her attention to Bruce, “Brucie; I heard you took my advice to go exploring the world. How’d you like it?”

Bruce smirked, “It was… educational.” He had known Gina since he was a boy, having spent a few summers with Tom, even gone to his and Sabine’s wedding. The woman hadn’t been to visit since Bruce adopted Tim and Cass. “You remember my boys?”

“Dick,” Gina said pulling the oldest Wayne boy into a tight hug. “You get more handsome every time I see. So sorry to hear you and Barbs broke up. I know some amazing girls I can introduce you to.”

Dick just laughed, “I’m fine flying solo for now.”

“Jason,” Gina said crossing her arms, with a raised eyebrow. “I haven’t seen you since I let you steal my last motorcycle.”

Jason smirked, “let me?” The only reason he’d happily come to the Manor was because Alfred told him Gina was on her way. She was the coolest lady he knew growing up.

“Oh please,” Gina waved him off. “You drove it to the Barnes and Nobel’s on 4th, and it sat there for like three hours. I have a tracker on my stuff, kid. I let you. Now give me a hug.” Jason laughed and hugged her.

The same went for Tim and Cass. Cass excitedly told Gina in Chinese all about her adventures in Hong Kong. Tim told her about his trip around the world. Then finally it was Damian’s turn.

Gina smiled softly at the youngest of Bruce’s kids, “And who’s this?”

Bruce put a hand on his son’s shoulder, “This is Damian.”

“Nice to meet you, Damian,” Gina said.

Damian nodded stiffly, “Pleasure.” He wore a black tailored dress pants and a high collard green turtle neck.

Gina rolled her eyes, “God, Bruce, he’s nearly as uptight as you were at his age.”

“I was not uptight,” Bruce defended, despite knowing he was bratty little shit when he was Damian’s age.

Alfred snorted but smiled, “And the young guest you brought with you.”

Gina grinned and held out her hand to her granddaughter who had stayed close to the motorcycle, “She’s a bit a shy.” She told them. “This is Marinette.”

“Hi!” Marinette waved shyly, blushing a bit.

The family cooed at the sight of the little blue-eyed, bluenette, in a baby blue shirt with a yellow happy face and dark jean short, with her hair in pigtails and big smile on her face. So innocent, so sweet. Bruce, of course, had been acquainted with Marinette. He had gone to the baby shower for her and stopped by the bakery whenever he was in Paris. The girl was the sweetest little thing.

When Damian and Marinette got sent off to play together, only Alfred, Gina, and Bruce thought it was a good idea. Damian didn’t know why he was being punished. And certainly there were more fitting punishment than spending time with some little kid.

He sent a cold glare at the bluenette, once they arrived in the entertainment room, “There are video games and movies over there,” Damian pointed to the TV. “Amuse yourself. Or perhaps you would prefer a coloring book and a teddy bear,” He said sarcastically.

Marinette crossed her arms, “First of all, I would love a coloring book, thank you very much. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He snorted. “And Bruce said we should play together; get to know each other. Or do you frequently disobey an order?” If Damian was a rebel, Marinette needed to know. Because there was a fine line between rebel and troublemaker.

Damian huffed, “Fine; let’s play a game then. How about… Mortal Kombat.” He sent her a cruel smirk. “Not the video game. Real life. It’s simple. We fight and the first person to die or cry,” He said with distaste. “Loses. Up for it?”

“What weapons do we get?” Marinette asked. Bucky and Natasha had taught her for the last four years on a variety of weapons. Though she knew it was only because of Steve’s doing that they hadn’t taught her how to use a gun yet. They even got a shield agent assigned to Paris to train her throughout the school year.

Damian raised an eyebrow, curious. He had expected her to run screaming from the room in sheer terror, crying to her grandmother. “What do you prefer?”

“Bo staff.”

“Same,” Damian said. “Let’s take this to the backyard.”

When Marinette yelled to her grandma that she and Damian were going to play in the backyard, Damian marveled that no one came out with questions filled with suspicious. Granted the first time Damian said he was going to go play in the backyard, he ended up in Watch Tower going over surveillance footage.

Marinette and Damian stood ten feet apart on the grassy field, each held a long black bo staff. It was quiet. Damian had set an alarm on his phone to begin the fight. Marinette set hers to play music.

When the loud beeping sounded and Carrie Underwood’s champion started playing, they charged at each other.

It was a mix of attacks and dodges. Their staffs met; each putting their full force behind it.

“It is not wise to meet a Wayne in Battle,” Damian growled at her.

Marinette rolled her eyes, “If all Waynes are as big of a jerk as you are, you must all be used to be called out to fight.”

Damian attacks. The two kids stand in one place, trading feints, thrusts and parries with lightning speed, almost impossible to follow. The youngest Wayne was reluctant to admit, even to himself, that Marinette had no trouble matching him. “You know what you're doing, I'll give you that.”

“Not too bad yourself,” Marinette nodded.

The two slow walked around the length of the imaginary circle. Until they were in the exact opposite of their initial positions.

“Your taste in music is terrible though,” Damian added on. Marinette let out an angry hiss like a cat and attacks,

Their duel continued. Their staff flash and ring. Suddenly, Damian swung his staff, partially letting go. Marinette seeing the staff free sailing, ducked quickly. Not seeing Damian catch it at the last second, and then send a kick flying at her chest. Her weapon flew out of her hand. Marinette crashes to the ground, and with a quick swing her legs, sweeps Damian’s feet from under him, losing his weapon in the process.

Marinette and Damian jumped up, right back in the fighting position. What happened next was a mix of punches and kicks, and headlocks. Until they found themselves once again across from each in their imaginary circle.

Marinette’s hair was a mess, pigtails having come lose. She was covered in welts and bruises from the staff. There was blood on her shirt and dripping her nose. Damian didn’t look any better. His well-groomed look was gone. His turtleneck had torn. His lip was busted. There was bruising around his neck from when Marinette had wrapped her legs around it and held him in a chokehold, like Natasha had taught her, until he managed to maneuver out of it.

Giggles burst from Marinette before she could stop them, “You look ridiculous,” She laughed.

“Shall I show you a mirror?” Damian said with a smirk. He chuckled.

They both shook their heads, looked at each other again, and they each fell over laughing. They only stopped when the sound of applause reached their ears.

Damian and Marinette looked up and saw the entire Wayne family and Gina watching them.

Alfred nodded approvingly, “I see she takes after you Gina.”

“That she does,” Gina grinned. “You’re grandson could give a young you a run for your money.”

“How long after you been there?” Marinette squeaked.

Bruce fought not to smile. “Just as the music started to play. We were going to invite you both in for ice cream.” He had been furious at first at his youngest child for deciding to spar with a civilian but the fury had faded as it became clear that Marinette could keep up with his son. There were times when he was sure one was trying to kill the other but they always held back; even if only just.

He looked at Gina, “It’s nice to see Damian getting along so well with someone.” He would regret those words soon enough. Very soon.

Damian and Marinette spent the next few days running after each other and trying to one up another in best surprise attacks. Bruce’s older kids took bets. Jason and Cass voted that Marinette would eventually win. Tim and Dick sided with Damian.

One day, after lunch, Damian commented on his field trip his class was taking, “The zoo,” he wrinkled his nose. “It’s barbaric. Animals trapped in cages while less human beings gawk in amusement. There’s a new wolf exhibit my teacher is dying to see. It’s all terrible.”

Marinette agreed. While she liked the zoo, she always thought the animals looked really sad. She took a sip from her juice box, “So let’s do something about it.”

That night, after midnight, the two kids climbed out of their windows, onto the roof, and quietly raced into the darkness. When they made it to the Zoo, they wasted no time in disabling the security cameras and breaking in the wolf exhibit. Damian, dressed in his the Robin costume he wasn’t supposed to have yet, managed to calm the wolf down as Marinette, dressed in mostly black with a red mask on, stole a truck (something she learned from Clint.) By the time security managed to get the cameras working again the kids and wolf were gone. All without a trace.

The kids, and wolf, ditched the truck about a mile from the manor and raced home. They snuck back in through the tunnels of the Batcave that let the batmobile move securely without anyone seeing it.

However, when they finally got to the Batcave, they were met with the exasperated looks of Batman and Alfred and the highly amused looks of Gina, Nightwing, Redhood, Blackbat, and Robin.

Damian nodded slowly, not even bothering to try to hide the giant wolf, “Father, I decided that Marinette should stay for summer. She is much more pleasant than I originally thought. And don’t worry, Marinette figured out you were batman her third day here. She even found the cave all on her own.”

Batman narrowed his eyes. He took of his cowl. He had been alerted that his son and Marinette were missing from their rooms just seconds after he was alerted about a break in at the zoo. He knew his son well. And it didn’t take a genius to be two and two together. “Grounded! One week.” He looked at Gina who nodded in agreement, though the smile was still on her face.

The kids huffed but nodded.

“And wolf is going back!” That was met with loud protests.

Marinette stayed at the Wayne Manor for another month. Not long after the grounding was over, Damian came into the living room where his father and siblings were and informed his father that he was leaving, “Alfred is taking Marinette and I to the movies. There is a showing of the new Little Mermaid movie she desires to see.”

Bruce closed the book he was reading, “Very well. I’ll tag along. We can make a family day out of it.” Dick was the first to agree followed shortly by the others, who wanted to see the havoc Marinette and Damian tended to create.

Damian visibly froze, “No, father.” He stated firmly. “I had… hoped it would be just Marinette and I. We can be trusted, I assure you.”

“It’s not a matter of trust,” Bruce started but Jason interrupted him.

“No! Way!” Jason yelled, his eyes wide with a sudden realization, and a grin his face. “You like her.”

It was the entire room’s turn to freeze. All eyes on Damian who had blush slowly creeping onto his face. “Marinette has proven herself to be a strong and intelligent ally. She is worthy of my regard.”

Jason shook his head, “No. You like her, like her.”

“I have come to value her friendship highly,” Damian said but the deepening redness of his face told a different story. He went to elementary school, he knew what like-like meant.

Dick cooed, “Baby bird has a crush.”

“I do not!” Damian hissed.

Cass snickered, “It is alright. Marinette is quite lovely.”

Tim smirked, “And she has rather nice green eyes. A bit dull though.”

“Blue!” Damian corrected quickly. “She has marvelous blue eyes. They are not dull. They shine brighter than the sun. They sparkle when she laughs, you dolt.”

Silence filled the room. Damian looked horrified at his words. Bruce looked at his young son with raise eyebrows and a small smile on his face.

“I am leaving now, father,” Damian stated. “I will return as soon as the movie ends provided we do not stop for frozen yogurt. Good day.” And then he swiftly left the room, leaving his siblings snickering in his wake.

Bruce opened back up his book, “I ship it.”

The declaration caused the room to fill with shouts.

Marinette would spend half of every summer for the next few years in Gotham; training with Damian under the guidance of Batman himself. Eventually going onto meet the rest of the Justice League. She and Damian used the zeta beams to hang out as much as possible.

The other half of her summers, Marinette spent in New York City at Stark Tower with Peter and the rest of the avengers. Learning under the tutelage of The Black Widow and The Winter Soldier, two out of four of Peter’s godparents (the others being Rhodey and Pepper of course), while Peter learned under his parents.

Damian officially became Robin at 12. Peter became Spider-man at fourteen. And Marinette became Ladybug at 13. It was to no one’s surprise the two boys were the first ones she told about being a superhero. And it was not to her surprise when they couldn’t keep it from their families for long.

“Aww, look you two match,” Tony said upon seeing Marinette transform. “Couples costumes.” The genius would later admit he had that mouth webbing coming. He still ship Peter/Marinette so hard.

Three weeks later, Bruce had said, “A little bright, isn’t it?”

“Do I even need to mention the first Robin costume?” Marinette snapped back. Though she was secretly glad that as soon as she saw the original Ladybug costume she had Tikki teach her out to change it. Gone was skintight onesie. Now she dressed in a more armored uniform. That was mostly black with bright red polka dots everywhere.

Bruce smirked. He was proud of the girl who had become his son’s closest friend, and obvious crush. He really hoped his son would ask out Marinette soon.

Then the Avengers and Justice League found out. Marinette found herself defending Paris with a league member or an Avenger for like six months before she finally told them where to shove it. She would call them if she needed them. Though she didn’t mind Robin or Spiderman dropping into help every now and then when their secret identities were in town.

Chat, who had grown become a brother to Marinette once their identities had been revealed to each other, had fanboy’d so hard the first time Robin came to help. And then again when Spiderman appeared, after catching Ladybug in a web after she’d been knocked from the top of the Eiffel tower. Then Marinette had to reveal that she knew the Avengers and the Justice league.

It took Adrien five seconds with Peter Stark-Rogers to know he had a crush on Marinette. And he cheerfully told Peter, “I’ve got the god of destruction in my pocket. I’ll feed you to him if you hurt her.”

It took Adrien three days to realize Damian Wayne liked Marinette. And he braced himself, held his ground, and told the teen, “You like Marinette. She’s my sister. I just want you to remember: Cats eat birds.”

He thought it was really menacing until Damian sprayed him the face with a water bottle, “Bad kitty.”

Adrien hissed.

As good as Marinette’s superhero life was going, so was her fashion career. MDC was slowly become well known high-class designer and household name thanks to Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale, Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Natasha, and even Lex Luther wearing her clothes.

her normal life had gone in the opposite direction.

Lila had come to class and lied her way to the top; she went on and on about all the celebrities she knew. She promised all the students great chances and opportunities. Only a few didn’t eat it all up. Marinette, Chloe, Nathaniel, and Adrien called out her lies relentlessly. This caused the class to think of them as jealous bullies and had them ostracized to the back at Lila’s subtle behest. Unfortunately for Lila, Adrien had been quick to join them. And nothing she, or anyone else in class, could say to convince the blond boy otherwise.

Marinette had thought of most of the students as friends but hadn’t been too surprised when they turned against her. She had never been to close to any of apart from the ones who joined her in back. For a while she had considered that maybe Alya would become her best friend but decided against it once she learned just what type of journalist she was. The glasses-wearing girl was always out for the next big scoop and didn’t seem to care how she got it; even if it meant putting herself in danger.

Alya had also been adamant for a long time that Ladybug and Chat Noir liked each other romantically despite both heroes denying it repeatedly. She only stopped when Chat Noir told Alya that Ladybug was his sister.

When Lila came, like the rest of the class, Alya ate up her stories and promises of a future at famous newspapers like the Daily Planet or the Gotham Gazette.

And when Marinette claimed Lila was lying, Alya was the first to accuse Marinette of being jealous. The girl never seemed to get the message that Marinette and Adrien didn’t like each other that way and only thought of each as siblings at best and best friends at worst. Alya didn’t listen or care. Whenever Lila gave a tear-filled eyes saying that Marinette was being oh so mean to her, Alya was the first to defend her new bestie. The rest of the class following suit.

It didn’t take long for Marinette to be voted out of being class president. This made Fearsome four, as Nathanial had nicknamed them after he and Chloe were given permanent spots as heroes, snickered as Marinette had pulled several string to for the annual class trip; so much for the class staying at Stark Tower with the Avengers or visiting Gotham and staying in luxury hotels. Oh well.

Once she wasn’t class president, all the little things that Marinette had done in addition to the positon had stopped as well. She stopped planning dances, fundraisers, and birthday parties (mostly because she was never invited to go to anyone’s in classes anymore.) No more free sweets from the bakery for anyone but her three friends. No free commissions. No babysitting. No banner designs. Nothing. Squat. Zero.

This of course caused anger from the other students in class as they had gotten used to all the free Marinette provided and tasks she did.

Alya huffed, “You’re just getting back us because we’re not your friends anymore.”

To which Marinette replied coldly, “Your point being?”

It was suffice to say when Marinette fifteenth birthday rolled around and Marinette’s mom forced her to give invitations to the entire class, the students were quick to rip up the invitations in front of her face.

Lila smiled, “Sorry, Marinette. Everyone’s throwing a party for me that day. No one can come.”

“Thank god,” Marinette said to their shock because it was obvious the girl was sincerely relieved. “My mom forced me to invite you, and I had no idea how to politely tell you I didn’t really want you to come.”

On the day of Marinette’s birthday, Saturday, while the class was enjoying their own party, Marinette just finished setting up a mock carnival with rides, games, and concession booths, and an area for bands to play. Adrien had even gotten his dad, Nathalie, and Gorilla to come on the threat of shaving his head bald.

Then Marinette’s guests started to arrive. Marinette’s schoolmates, the ones she had started to befriend after being made an outcast in class arrived first; the drama club, the art club, the fashion club, cooking club, and the world Travelers’ club had turned out be made up of some great people.

Adrien, Chloe, and Nathaniel stayed close to Marinette side; each wearing an earpiece.

Jagged Stone in all his rock and roll glory arrived first. Clara Nightingale practically danced her way in. Lois and Clark and the rest of the Kents were a bit more subdued. Though Cat, Nadja, and Lois immediately located rivals and the three could be found gossiping and sharing stories with each other. The same could be said when Style Queen Audrey, Wilhelmina Slater, Gabriel Agreste, and Miranda Priestly. Then it was just a slew of people; from friendly neighbors Marinette grew up with to famous models and actors and chefs.

She immediately greeted Damian with a hug, and thanked him for the perfectly wrapped green present. A second later, Marinette did the same to Peter, and thanked him for the blue present.

The two boys eyed each other.

Marinette looked confused, “Damian I told you about Peter, right? I talked about him all the time. And the same for Damian, Peter.”

“You didn’t mention he was Peter Stark,” Damian stated.

“Peter Stark-Rogers,” Peter corrected. “And you’re Damian Wayne.”

And Marinette finally realized she had forgotten to do one major thing; tell the Avengers and the Justice League that Marinette worked with both of them. Or at the very least Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne who looked ready to bring out the big guns.

Both superhero teams were very much aware of the others superhero identities as the Avengers never hid theirs and Tony hacked into the Watch Tower.

Lex Luther and Oliver Queen, the third and fourth richest men in the world, looked highly amused. While Gabriel looked like Christmas had come early. He had no idea Miss Dupain. He knew allowing Adrien to befriend the girl was smart idea.

The other heroes subtly watched the two for any signs that a fight might break out. Bruce had never forgiven Tony for hacking into the watchtower and uncovering Batman identity.

“Brucie,” Tony grinned and held out his hand. “You’re looking great today. No idea you’d be here. Or that you knew Marinette.”

Bruce shook his hand a bit too firmly, “Her grandmother is an old family friend. I was at her parents’ wedding. I was at their baby shower. I’ve known Marinette for years.”

“We met Marinette when she was five,” Tony said. “She and Peter met at camp. Aren’t they adorable together,” He nodded to the two.

Bruce forced a grin on his face, “Not as cute as she and Damian. They’ve been nearly inseparable since they were ten. Wouldn’t be surprised if hear wedding bells in the future.”

“Of course you will,” Tony laughed. “I’m sure Marinette will invite to her and Peter’s wedding.”

The two glared at each other.

Their significant others just shook their heads. Selena, aka Catwoman, looked amused. While Steve looked so done with this world.

“As one of Peter’s godfather’s,” Bucky said. “Should I be offering to fight Damian’s godfather?” He joked.

Clark glared, his eyes turning a bit red, “Anytime you want.”

Rhodey slapped Bucky on the back, “That’s all you man.” He was not fighting Superman over a case of puppy love.

Diana looked a bit confused, “Should I engage in mortal combat with Peter’s godmother then?”

Pepper crossed her arms, feeling last of the extremis still pumping through her blood.

Natasha’s eyes narrowed, “It’s not required. But I wouldn’t mind a friendly spar or two.”

“You are the Black Widow, yes?” Diana asked. “A most excellent fight it will be then.”

“Where is Shazaam?” Thor’s voice thundered. “I wish for a fight as well.”

Billy Batson had never been so happy that he wasn’t in his superhero form before. Quietly, he made his way to the Ferris wheel. He was going to avoid the god of thunder for as long as he possibly could.

The magic users found each and decided to compare their abilities. It didn’t go well. Clint got turned into a frog… again.

When Fury arrived he eyed the superheroes that were there; avengers, justice league, and the ones (dare devil, Jessica Jones, the Xmen) who were mostly unaffiliated. And briefly wondered if the kid who had hogtied him was planning world domination. He wouldn’t doubt it.

The rest of the part went really well. Chloe, Adrien, and Nathaniel watched the superheroes in attendance like hawks. And were forced to break up more than one fight, or arm wrestling match that got out of hand. It ended up trending on social media, as various celebrities had posted pictures of themselves at the party. And then suddenly the world was asking wanted to know just Who Marinette Dupain-Cheng was. Marinette took that moment to announce that she was MDC. Which blew up the story even more.

The only downside was that Peter and Damian seemed to have entered into a competition of some sort, the same with their fathers.

At the end of the party, when sayings the goodbyes, Marinette swore she distinctly heard, Tony hiss, “Spiderbug forever!”

“Daminette!” Bruce snarled back.

And she had vocally asked why Bucky was giving Superman wary glances but no one would tell her. Adults were weird.

Monday came and the entire school, and all of Paris was buzzing about Marinette’s party. When she got to class, she was met with unhappy faces of her ex-friends.

“They wouldn’t let us inside,” Alya was quick to complain the moment the bluenette stepped through the door.

“We even told them we knew you,” Nino frowned. “The Bouncers didn’t believe we were invited.”

Marinette shrugged as she went to her seat between Adrien and Chloe, “its invitation only. What happened to your invitations?”

All the students frowned. They had been told the same thing at the door. And had been miserable when they remembered they destroyed the invites. Even Lila had nearly shed real tears when she saw just who she had missed meeting for real.

Alya crossed her arms, “We tried calling you. But you changed your number! How could you not tell your bestie you changed your number? When did you change your number?”

“When I realized you still had it.” It was a cold response. One that Damien would’ve been proud of. “And I’m not your bestie. We’re not friends, remember? Why did you even try to come to my party, you were too busy last I checked.”

“That’s before we saw how awesome your party was!” Kim said honestly. “Dude who knew you knew so many celebrities.”

“Prince Ali was there!” Rose said excitedly. “I really wanted to see him.”

“Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Lex Luther,” Max whined. “I was so close but so far.”

That was pretty much how the rest of the morning went, with a side of her ex-friends trying to question Marinette about being MDC and all the celebrities she knew. Marinette didn’t answer a single question.

Just before the lunch bell rang, there was a knock on the door, “Hello, I’m here to pick up Marinette for lunch,” Damian Wayne smiled charmingly as he walked in. “My father’s waiting.”

The class gasped. Lila’s mouth dropped.

A second later Peter Stark-Rogers walked in the classroom, “Marinette, you want to go to lunch,” He said excitedly. “Dad’s waiting outside.”

Again the class’s mouth dropped.

Outside of the school, Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark glared at each other.

Marinette looked confusedly at her friends, “Sorry, I didn’t know you guys wanted to go to lunch. Or that you were still in town.” She told them. “It’s okay, though.” She said brightly. “You can join me and Roy.”

As if on cue, Roy Queen walked into the classroom, a big smile on his smile, “Hey Mari, you read-Oh shit!” He said upon seeing Robin and Spiderman. The two heroes sent the Red Arrow twin glares.

Two minutes later both Tony and Bruce’s phones pinged. They opened it and read the texts they got from their sons.

They looked up, and met each other eyes. “We kill Oliver together,” Tony offered.

“Agreed.”

The Green Arrow watched through binoculars from a safe distance, “Long Live Roynette!”

#ml fic #ml salt #daminette #damian wayne #marinette dupen chang #class salt #alya salt #the avengers #justice league

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shini--chan · 3 years

Note

Ohh can I have a love triangle with Y!1P America and Y!1P England with reader who is a British spy in america (or an american spy in the UK)?

Ah, you guys sure do love your love triangles. I do as well – there is just so much tension between the characters. Also, this ask was tricky because I just couldn’t decide if I wanted to write the UK spy or the US spy – for those of you that have read my stories on Quotev, you know I’ve written spy stories for both characters. So, in the end I decided to write both scenarios.

Yandere Love Triangle – England vs America (Spy AU!)

US spy

As I’ve mentioned in the England HCs, Arthur would like to have a lover with a lot of smarts. So, you being a spy would automatically tick all the boxes in that category. Alfred would be well aware of his father’s preferences in a lover and this want to capitalize on them.

America would consider using you as a Romeo agent in a Honey Trap operations – he sure wants to blackmail dear old dad – but then would see you as too skilled to restrict your work to seduction and further your tasks.

You looked at the man guiding you through the crowded streets of London. It was rush hour, far too many people for your liking either languidly milling about or rush ahead as if the devil was chasing them. His hand was on the small of your back, arm having pulled you too close to just be friendly.

Arthur Kirkland was moonstruck, shooting you longing glances every now and then. You knew that it was decency and respect that prevented him from showing blatant affection for you in public. Both of you were in a relationship, no matter how unofficial it was.

While he calmly strolled with you, pointing to the sights of the world famous city and explaining the history behind some monuments, you couldn’t help but wonder what it was that made him so special. Kirkland had his own eccentrics, yet none of those would have warranted the USA sending one of it’s top agents after him.

Your amazement would largely be founded in the fact that even in a relationship, Arthur had be very slow to open up to you. He would like to keep his secrets. Additionally, in his post-imperial afterlife he would be the equivalent of a lion padding in the drawing room anymore. He’d seem rather harmless on first inspection, opting to hide the traits that would make him so dangerous. You finding out somewhere down the line that he is the personification of a nation would be very enlightening to you.

Of course, while Alfred would intellectually know that you’re just a spy pretending to be over the moon, his emotional part would seethe with envy upon seeing with Arthur. It would motivate him to make his own moves – interrupting you while you would be out for dinner, making lewd jokes about you in his father’s presence. This would cause Arthur to cling to you ever more tightly, in the fear that his son would steal you from him.

When you would point out to Alfred that he would be sabotaging your mission, he would counter that he would just be aiding you. Arthur would become too obsessed with to see what you were doing; his advances would distract his father further and you wouldn’t be suspected because which country would try to sabotage their own missions. If he would be right or wrong would be left to be seen.

You dug your nails in his shoulders, making him groan into the kiss. His lips remained firmly pressed to yours for a few more moments before you tilted your head back to get some air. Your head was spinning from how vigorously Alfred had been kissing you and you swore that your cheeks were flushed.

Glancing at him, the dim light of the broom cupboard you were in allowed you to see the red doting him cheeks and the hunger that glinted in his eyes. He leaned in for another bout of smooching, but you quickly pressed your index finger to his mouth, lightly pushing him away.

The man left out a low whine when you denied him: “C’mon sugar, don’t be such a jerk.”

You shook your head: “This is going too far now. I’m supposed to be in a relationship with Kirkland …”

“Screw him”, Alfred interrupted you and bended down to plant butterfly kisses on your neck. In-between he said: “He can go screw himself. I told him that during my fight for independence and I’ll gladly tell him that now. I want you.”

UK spy

While his glory days would be long gone and over, Arthur would still regard himself as a global player. And to ensure that he would remain in his precarious position, he’d become invested in being privy to the secrets of others. Knowledge is power after all, and there would be few that would know that better than he would. That is where you would come into play, as his means to an end.

He would have it organised for you to be sent to act as his wayward son, after having reviewed your file as well as having evaluated you personally. This would be where England would start to take an interest in you. Therefor, he would pull some strings to have himself implemented as your direct superior and intermediator.

Since you would be a spy, you would have a lot of skills in your arsenal ranging from social skills to escape tactics, linguistics to sciences. This in turn would fulfil many of America’s criteria when it comes to the ideal partner. And because such people are rare, he would seize the chance when you would start to show interest in him.

Alfred might or might not notice that you would have ulterior motives for getting in a relationship with him. He would cling to regardless and convince himself that he could “help” you overcome all your flaws.

Of course, the more time you would spend wrapping Alfred around your finger, the more jealous Arthur would become. It would be a stead build up, the feelings festering and growing more intense until he wouldn’t be able to control them. Ironically, like his son in the previous half of the answer here, Arthur would see romancing you as a way to taunt Alfred, to make the younger personification angry, causing him to make mistakes.

However, England would be more tasteful than his offspring and opt to be more discreet with his advances to you. That way, you also wouldn’t be so inclined to push him away.

The public library was full at this hour, something that you intended to use to your advantage. It was New York, possessing one of the biggest public libraries in the world. Which was why you were somewhat surprised when Arthur comfortably slid into the chair opposite you, not the slightest hint of irritation on his face.

You granted your wristwatch a quick glance.

“Right on time.”, you stated as a substitute for a greeting.

As per usual, the absence of manners didn’t sit well with Arthur. “Good afternoon to you too”, he dryly said.

“I thought you would get lost before finding me.”

He chuckled at that, relaxing as much as the thin, polyester cushioning allowed. “You underestimate my abilities, my dear.”

Again, you were amazed at how your direct superior came on par with your skills. Most of those above you in the workplace hierarchy were either pencil-pushers or tech-geeks. Yet Kirkland really knew what he was doing. Additionally, he made it look easy. Secretly, you believed that he was holding himself back and that his talents actually exceeded yours. Yet that was a matter you could contemplate another time.

Wordlessly, you shoved a book on rose gardening for old people to him and he deftly snatched up the book, evidently pretending to not notice the non-verbal jab you had made at him for one of his more serene hobbies. Lightly, he opened up on the page where you had hidden it and greedily eyes the slip of paper and the access codes written on it.

He gave you a smile, one of the rarer ones that made you shiver. Quickly, he glanced over his shoulder to endure that unfriendly ears that hear what he was about to say. Unwarranted – Alfred was somewhere upstairs, hounding some poor librarian for old journals on the Mayan and Aztec cultures; he wouldn’t be coming soon.

“Well done”, he commented, showing you that he did have the capacity to give praise. “The next time you have something, feel free to pop by at my flat.”

Somehow you knew that that wasn’t an offer, it was an order.

#yandere hetalia #yandere england #yandere america #x reader #yandere x reader #yandere hetalia x reader

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coralloverwinnerwolf · 3 years

Text

To all MariBat Writers/Fans!

On A03, my username is Chewandy, and I have posted these requests for any Courageous Writer to see if they are willing to take my ideas, and bring them to life. Here are 3 ideas I've written down.

*Warning! The first idea is more a Batsalt fic instead of the usual sugar with just a pinch of salt in the beginning before everyone in the Batfam treats Marinette like an actual being*

Chapter 1:

So I have a crazy idea for a story, but for the life of me, I can't write crap.

So here is an idea that I had that anyone can take. It can go 2 ways. Batfam are good ppl or bad ppl (so Bat salt with Alfred salt as well). Like some fantastic fics, Marinette gets sent to the Waynes as a problematic child. In the salt fic, just like Paris, the believe her to be a bully, etc... It's like that, intil Diana and Arthur and the Sups family comes over. Diana and Arthur takes Marinette a side and bow to her in recognizing the Miraculous. At the same time Clark reports all her injuries to the Waynes and practically screams at them because they thought the injuries were fake. They also thought Jagged, Adrian, Kagami, Chloé and Luka (maybe also Style Queen herself) were testing them in what they thought was the Truth vs Lies that the 5 against the rest of Paris says about the Bluenette. At some point between the screaming going on at Wayne Manors, an Akuma alert goes off and Diana and Arthur lends a helping hand, and she reluctantly says yes. She also refuses the Bats coming along. Lois high Jack's the portal to Paris to get a video of the fight. When Marinette and Co returns, she's badly injured and still refuses the Bats help. Diana takes her to the tower to help her heal while contacting her mother (can't spell her mother's name) for help. In the end, the Amazons teach Marinette a lost Guardian Technique to finding Hawkmoth and to also help her heal. Meanwhile, the Lane-Kents do everything the can to help take down the Liar and her Kingdom of Sheep's. The Batfam wants to help, but are told no. They than try to adopt Marinette, and all hell breaks lose as the 3 other members are already trying the same thing. I can go on, but I'll leave it to the Brave Soul who wants to take up this challenge. Bug Out.

Chapter 2:

Thank you soooooooooooooo much SleepyNov for taking up my request for a this idea of mine 😊.

SleepyNov has started this new series called "I'm Not An Angel" with a beautiful poem to kick start the her adaptation of my request.

Millions of Kudos SleepyNov 👏

- Chewandy

Chapter 3:

So I had another requested fic in my head. This can be seen as a 1 shot or have several chapters.

Now this fic can be in either Gothem, or Metropolis or both. Now before or after Marinette gets the notification that they won the trip to the 🇺🇲, she talks to the School Board about some extra safety measures, like small cameras with mics like from a spy movie, so both the school board and the parents can watch the children to make sure they're safe. When she wins the contest, she asks either Bruce/Tim or lets say Lex Luther for permission. The only time the cameras stop working, is if they are taking a tour of some or even their buildings, but the 🎤 will still be on.

In one of the locations, let's say a few parents, aka the DC's (they can be either salt or sugar), M. ROSSI, Mr. Ceasàr (a zoo conference???), M. Agrest, etc... and they all see and hear what the class and teacher does to Marinette.

At the Gala hosted by either powerful men or one where the gala is sponsored by both (yikes), the parents shows themselves to the class... and I'll let you decide from there. Maybe even have Gabe as part of the class being yelled at??? Akumatization??? Or no more Hawkmoth???

As for friends and maybe love interest, up to writer.

That's all I have for now. If anyone thinks there should be more add, just add to comments and I'll add to this not a chapter chapter 🙂

As the lovely lady says,

Bug Out

Chapter 4:

Page is empty as I have it left to let readers know who the next courageous writer will be plus the title for the story.

Chapter 5:

Ok, so here's another possible 1 shot that can be either just ML or can be alternate universe.

So here's the next next silly request. What if Jagged Stone gave Marinette a crocodile 🐊 egg as either her Birthday present or for something else. Marinette says no, but Jagged is saying that Fang choose this egg for her as Fang had just finished his yearly mating (do crocodiles even mate every year?). Marinette takes the egg and thanks Fang with trusting her with 1 of his own child ( or it could be one of those rare were there are 2 embryos inside 😉).

Now Marinette also lives in Fu's old place for whatever reason the writer decides (salt or no salt for her parents. No salt...oh because the crocodiles are a health code violation or when egg hatch and there are 2 instead of 1???. Let's also say that the parents knew about Marinette helping Fu, and that Fu left everything in her name for the non-salt version)

MPS will include Chloe, Nino, Kim, Kagami, Luka, Sabrina, Juleka, Alix. Max is a maybe. Markov is a yes to being part of the MPS (in salt, he lives with Marinette and acts like her personal security lol) As for Adrian, that is also up to the writer.

Now this can also have Lila in here or not.

Happy ending?????

I'm just going to end my request here.

🐞 out

That is all I have for MLB

🐞 out

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oceanera12 · 4 years

Text

Knight Fall

So... this AU popped into my head because of a Descendants 3 Song. No, I am not joking and no, I will not apologize because I cannot make animatics.

We need to establish a few things:

First: the world this happens in is going to be very similar to Young Justice with a few changes. Ras and his loyal followers have been kicked out of the League and are keeping a low profile. Just kind of ignore most of the main plot of Season 3 minus Nightwing finding out about their apparent loss of control/banishment.

Second: Jason has been “dead” for about three years. Two and a half of those years have been spent with the League (Resurrection stuff and such has happened and he does suffer from a bit of memory loss).

Third: Damian is seven years old. He’s a brat, he is trained, and he and Hood have the “best” relationship out of the Al Gaul bunch because Hood doesn’t force him to train 24/7 or punish him for failing. So Talia is not a good Mom in this story.

The characters of this story are either on Team Bats or Team Al Ghul (at least at the beginning).

Team Bats consists of Batman/Bruce Wayne, Nightwing/Dick Grayson, Robin/Tim Drake, Agent A/Alfred Pennyworth, Spoiler/Stephanie Brown, and Oracle/Barbara Gordon.

Team Al Gaul consists of Ras Al Ghul, Talia Al Gaul, Ubu, Senseii, Red Hood/Jason Todd, and Damian Wayne-Al Ghul.

With all of that out of the way, let’s begin:

Starts in Gotham with the emergence of the Court of Owls. The Court wants Dick Grayson as their Talon and they are not happy that he’s slipped a bit out of their reach.

They get rumors about the Al Ghul’s falling out of favor/losing control of the League and are interested in recruiting the displaced group.

Yeah, the Al Ghul’s don’t appreciate that very much and send back the head of their messenger as a warning. Of course, the Court isn’t happy about that and find out about Damian.

Their thought process consists of basically “Well, we lost our previous Talon. This one is younger and easier to change. Let’s take him.”

Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem for the Al Ghul’s. But it is only the small group of Assassins vs Undead Army of Talons that get killed, get their bodies picked up, revived, then turned back on the Al Ghul’s.

So very long story short, they flea very reluctantly to the only person who will be able to help: Aka CALLING ON THE BAT.

Red Hood has to wear his mask at all times and is not allowed to speak. Similar situation for Damian, but he’s just in a cute little ninja costume with only his eyes showing. Neither Ras or Talia mentions that Damian is related to Bruce and make an excuse of adopting him as a servant/assassin (which Damian is a bit confused and annoyed about but he is not going to question his Mother or Grandfather).

Bruce is not happy about the situation but the Court has become frustrated because they are trying to kidnap Dick now so he reluctantly agrees to a team-up with the insane assassins.

Since I do not want to plan out every little plot detail, I’m just gonna hit the highlights

Bruce and Ras argue constantly on how to deal with the Court. Bruce wants to take out the Talons (they are already dead so he’s fine with chopping them to pieces) and arrest the leaders, but Ras want to find the actually living members and kill every last one of them. At the same time, the two of them work together on planning the attack on the Court’s headquarters.

Talia just kind of chills in the background. Sometimes she trains Damian, sometimes she helps her father and Bruce with planning the attack, and sometimes she just sits and watches.

Ubu and Sensi train Damian. They are also sent out every once in a while to spy on the Court. None of the Bats interact with either of them for longer then necessary and vice versa.

Hood does not have all of his memories at this point but he really does not like looking at the “memorial case” for what appears to have been the previous Robin. Most of his days consist of people watching because these people are really familiar and why the heck did he know “Agent A” was someone named Alfie? He also does not like the current Robin for no particular reason. ... The Robin grows on him. Very slowly.

Alfred has also decided he likes the Red Hood for no particular reason. He does not understand why the man does not take off his mask, but Hood is more polite to the butler then the rest of the Assassin’s combined. And he doesn’t even speak! He has also decided the smallest assassin with the Al Ghul’s is trouble, but not evil. He insists on treating the boy’s wounds after his “training” (which all of the Bats have spoken about the cruelty of it but there is not much they can do at the moment). Hood helps him most days patch up the young master.

Damian wants to hate the Bats (Grandfather and Mother both warned him not to grow attached to them as they are their enemies-- respected enemies, but enemies. This situation is an exception). He really does. But there is something about them that he is just drawn to. Grayson is a respectable fighter who had decided to teach him the basics of gymnastics. Drake had excellent skills in deducing and technology, offering to upgrade Damian’s arsenal with a few... non-lethal options (the batarangs were too good to say no to, but Damian made sure to hide them from his Mother and Grandfather). Brown was a bit weak, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in determination. Miss Gordon was one of the best Intelligence officers Damian had seen. Pennyworth is an excellent servant that the others treated with the same respect as everyone else. That was a new concept. And then there was Batman. Something about Batman made Damian feel... safe, was the best word for it.

Tim decides he is going to befriend the tiny assassin. Don’t ask him why, he couldn’t tell you. (It might have had something to do with the well hidden looks the tiny assassin shot at Thalia and Ras. It was a look of wanting praise and wanting to please. The Al Ghul’s either hadn’t noticed or ignored it. Either way, Tim understood that situation more than he would care to admit). So Tim and the tiny assassin are on “friendly terms” is the best way to describe it. He also talks a lot to the Red Hood guy. Hood never responds but he also hasn’t pulled a gun on him so he takes that as a good sign.

Stephanie and Barbra hang together and keep an eye on all the assassin’s to make sure no one dies. They also spy on the Court whenever Ubu and Senseii are not. That’s really about it.

Very, very long story short, everyone goes and attacks the Court. They manage to take down most of the Talon’s and Ras goes to kill the leaders and Bruce tries to stop him.

Fragile alliance falls apart and it’s now a free-for-all with the Bats vs. the Al Ghuls vs. The Court. Cheers.

At some point Jason loses his mask which cause a completely different kind of “falling apart” and Hood is really confused because “Who’s Jason?”

The Court escapes, Al Ghul’s leave (with Jason), and the Bats are ticked/sad/confused/angry. Lots of emotions.

Jason had been getting more of his memories back while with the Bats. He gets more of them back over the course of the next few months and while he is angry that Bruce replaced him, he also knows that Damian was MUCH happier with them.

So when the Court comes for Damian again, Jason snatches the kid up in the confusion and takes him back to Gotham because I NEED PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER JASON. Damian hesitantly goes with Hood but is not as resistant to the idea as he might have been a few weeks back (his mother is NOT a good mother, kay?)

Ras get’s ticked at the world, kills most of the Court members because he thinks Damian got snatched by them (and maybe Hood?). Later finds out Jason was the one to take Damian and tries to kill him, but Damian won’t have that, no siree.

Damian and Jason end up gaining their freedom through combat and head off to Gotham. They get there just before Batman and Co. launch a full blown rescue mission to get Jason back so there’s some saved resources, I suppose.

Also: “Bruce, meet Damian. He’s Talia and your demon spawn.” “... what?” “My father is Batman???”

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greensparty · 5 years

Text

In Praise of Mad Magazine

This past week it was announced that the humor publication Mad Magazine would no longer be publishing new issues after August, it would be only be publishing re-issues of older materials, annual specials and books. For more info about this, read the article from CNN here. Since it isn’t entirely coming to an end, this article is “In Praise Of” instead of “RIP Mad”.

Cover of the first issue in 1952 (Alfred E. Neuman wasn’t even the mascot yet)

First published as a comic book in 1952, Mad was groundbreaking in its satirical humor. Parodies of movies, TV show, comic books and pop culture as a whole hadn’t been presented in this manor previously. It soon evolved into a monthly magazine format. My Dad was a fan of Mad when he was a kid, my older sister was a fan when she was a kid, so I naturally became aware of it even before I began reading it. Sometime around age 7 or 8, I began reading my sister’s issues when she was finished with them. I became completely enamored with Mad pretty much until college, when I had too many other things happening. But periodically over the years I’d pick up an issue.

The 1978 Star Wars issue

The 1985 Back to the Future issue

The 1986 Garbage Pail Kids parody

The 1987 Alf issue

What I loved about its humor was that nothing was off limits. They made fun of the left, the right and anyone in between. Current events, movies, rock stars, TV shows, books, trends, video games, societal observations, you name it - it was a target for Mad. I gleamed over the art work and the regular sections: Spy vs. Spy, Fold-ins, The Lighter Side, Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions, the late great Don Martin gags, and the mascot Alfred E. Neuman.

A 90s Super Special with Kurt Cobain parody cover

A 1968 issue with The Beatles

A 1997 Seinfeld issue

Mad, along with SNL, David Letterman, Seinfeld, and Zucker-Abraham-Zucker had a lot to do with my early interest in comedy. I can not believe the day has come where I am writing about how there is going to be less Mad in this world, a time when we need it most :(

#mad magazine #comic books #comedy #in praise of #alfred e. neuman #star wars #Back to the Future #garbage pail kids #alf #nirvana #kurt cobain #the beatles #Seinfeld #film geek #music nerd #tv

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whetstonefires · 5 years

Note

Bruce vs Alfred

Oh wow nonny. 😂 You are not pitching slowballs.

I mean I could just say ‘Bruce’ and call it a day but where’s the fun in that.

(I love how all the asks I got for this meme picked the versus option rather than + or ‘or,’ because it’s certainly the most fun but also the one where I have to justify my answers and therefore just wind up hedging myself in a circle because what is objective reality? Not this that’s for sure.)

Okay, so the challenge here is 1) any contrivance used to get them to fight seriously will directly impact the outcome and 2) Alfred’s power level is impossible to meaningfully determine.

Alfred Pennyworth once punched out Deathstroke. Alfred Pennyworth also ran away in a panic to get the 14-year-old next door while Bane was breaking the Bat. Alfred has a murky past working for the British Government and has famously professed a willingness to shoot to kill. Alfred is somewhere between 65 and 140 years old.*

Alfred Pennyworth raised Batman as his third career, and his only real edges are 1) willingness to use lethal force (not applicable against this opponent) and 2) he knows Batman and his methods far better than Bruce knows him.

Bruce on the other hand is larger, stronger, in better practice both mentally and physically, and experienced with far more forms of combat, and Alfred’s kid. (Since the ask says ‘Bruce’ we’ll assume he doesn’t get all his bat toys.)

If you could somehow induce a state in Alfred where he had access to all his expertise on the subject of Bruce but was still willing to kill him…uh, then canon actually says he still lost. Although that was in part because Robin’s mortal peril made Batman panic and get a burst of strength. So maybe one-on-one? But Supervillain Alfred was really buff and had psychic powers, which seems like it throws the odds kind of a lot.

That was the Silver Age anyway.

Red Rain/Bloodstorm/Crimson Mist is an Elseworld and thus also technically irrelevant. But it’s the one where in spite of having staked Bruce at his own insistence, and then regretted later bringing him back because he was no longer himself, and joining a rag-tag team of vampire hunters to put down Evil Vampire Batman, Alfred Pennyworth still chose to spend his last moments spending his lifeblood on resurrecting Bruce again.**

That’s how firmly pro-Bruce-being-alive Alfred is. The edge he can gain from sheer ruthlessness just does not apply here.

It could be neat to put late-20s secret agent Alfred up against late-20s Bruce via time shenanigans and see what happened, especially because there’s a reasonable likelihood Bruce would at some point recognize who he was up against and be thrown off his game, but because of the direction time moves in none at all that Alfred would recognize Bruce.

Of course, the fact that he equally could never have heard of Batman and would necessarily be taken off guard by this man’s lunacy would be a great disadvantage….

Anyway that one would be fun, but I can’t call it. Too little Action Alfred data.

He also loses most of their battles of will, canonically, though of course a lot of that is because they’re usually arguing about what Bruce should do, and he has a lot more control over the outcome than Alfred. The last word, as it were.

In a battle of wits, I will give Alfred 70/30 odds. In a battle of wits with no real stakes, 90/10. I believe that Alfred could set a trap that Bruce would fall right into. Not only because he trusts Alfred and would ignore obvious warning signs of Trap if he knew the situation was under Alfred’s control, but because Alfred would know how to avoid leaving signs that Batman would consider suspicious.

I also believe that considering his total control over most of Bruce’s life, if Alfred ever decided to destroy him, he could succeed without it ever coming to a direct physical engagement. This would be more in the line of spy activity anyway.

That would be interesting, because not only could Alfred tear Bruce’s entire life apart with minimal effort, if he did so without additionally poisoning him to death or otherwise taking one of his many openings to include a component of physical debilitation, and Bruce then came after him…Alfred is also in a position and of a skillset to verbally devastate Bruce to the point that he just gave up. Just went down and didn’t get up again.***

(It is possible to read this as the ultimate arc of the Nolan trilogy tbh, though Bruce’s characterization was so incoherent by the end there that idek.)

Jason would probably cross the line from watching in awed envy to Genuinely Uncomfortable at some point, if he was looking on. It would be brutal.

But on the basic versus level, I’m pretty sure that if Bruce came at Alfred feeling like giving him a beatdown, the only way Alfred was getting out of this without a lot of damage is if he happened to have a taser (or other fast-acting theoretically-nonlethal incapacitating device) in his hand at the time, and deployed it promptly. And even then, only if whatever made Bruce feel extra violent also made him kinda dumb.

*There’s no real likelihood he’s 140, but because he’s composed of Stock British Tropes canon writers keep including bits that suggest he lived through the Late Victorian period, or at least the Edwardian Age, so there is canon support.

**Vampire Batman went on to eat Dick Grayson’s parents. Because go big or go home I guess.

***The fact that Outsider Alfred did not do more of this is attributable to many factors, from ‘Silver Age Alfred had only known Bruce a few years’ to ‘they decided the Outsider was Alfred after inventing him already’ to ‘that was not the style of the times.’ The home coffin delivery by robot Batman and Robin thing was pretty dark tho.

#ask meme #versus #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #comics #meta #the outsider #vampire batman #okay this was delayed #but it is done #a nonny mouse #ask #batfam

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theabominableblogger · 6 years

Text

Rewatching “Gotham” S4E21

*cue both of us with lots of yelling, reacting to frighting imagery, and just being done with everyone*

My sister watched it with me (as well as the other episodes left in my epic “Gotham” reaction series) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font. Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized.

AN: I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

Sooo... to break your heart, Ecco is not in the rest of the episodes.

Noooooo...

But they [ the writers] explain like why she wasn’t there. They kinda explain that they still wanted to go into the Jeremiah and Bruce story line and finish that.

Ohhhh OK.

They wanted to finish that before they got into the whole [Jeremiah and Ecco dynamic]. Plus, basically what they established is that Jeremiah just wanted her to get out of the way so that he could do his plan and he’s like “OK, then we’re gonna do some shit!”

Sounds fair.

And I’m like “OK! You gotta look out for your boo first!”

‘Look out for your boo,’ I love it.

“Sources tell us Captain James Gordon was at the scene and is missing and feared dead.” Nope!

“I [Lucius] just got off the phone with Search and Rescue. Whatever blew Jeremiah's bunker was catastrophic.” *eyes widen in shock*

“I [Harvey] want CSIs out there pronto, and I want everyone looking for Jeremiah Valeska and Bruce Wayne.” You don’t wanna go looking for him [Jeremiah].

*softly* Nooooo don’t.

“Jim trusts him [Harvey], okay? So everybody get back to work.” Thank you, Harper! MVP!

*Harvey finds Jeremiah waiting outside the precinct* Oh shit!

Whaaa... how?!? What was the time span between these two episodes?

I don’t know...

‘Cause you would think it’s immediate!

Oh I love his [Jeremiah’s] coat!

Uggh. Look at the hat! The glasses!

I love that entire look.

I like the natural lighting too for this scene

“JEREMIAH! JEREMIAH!” Jesus God, he turned them all into stormtroopers!

Ohhhh that’s a great shot [the wide shot of Jeremiah vs the GCPD]

What voice are you [Jeremiah] doing?

It sounds like he’s doing the Hannibal Lecter voice

It’s Hannibal Lecter and Andrew Scott’s Moriarty...

Except without the Irish accent

*mouths along with Jeremiah saying “boom, boom, boom”*

“Don't compare me [Jeremiah] to that short-sighted psychopath.” Dude, we’ve met you for two months!

“I'm [Jeremiah] gonna create a new Gotham in my image. But every artist needs a blank canvas, so all of this has to go.” *leans back in frustration* This is like Theo Galavan in S2!

“Then everyone who dies screaming, who watches their loved ones crushed before them, will have you to thank, Detective Bullock.” *groans*

“Nobody has to die.” SURE JAN!

*eyes widen in shock when Jeremiah blows up the clock tower*

Hoooly shit!

And that was just the opener! We are in for some shit ahead!

“Me [Oswald]? I’d rather live.” *both chuckle*

Ah, I love Robin Lord Taylor.

“They ripped out my [Jongleur’s] fingernails.” *both yell in horror for a second*

“Normally, I [Oswald] would keep both of them for myself. But I find myself a bit short of the necessary manpower- or womanpower, if you will.” I knew you were gonna say that and it’s lame...

“Hugo Strange can fix Butch.” What I wanna know is where exactly is Strange operating now.

That’s a good question.

Because his ass is still alive.

I love how like sassy these two [Oswald and Barbara] are. It’s like, I don’t like Barbara, but she’s got so much sass.

She and Oswald kinda deserve each other honestly.

I know.

They’re each other’s bitchy gay best friends.

Oh yeah.

“Holy Mother of God, Bruce Wayne.” *gasps*

How the hell did he [Bruce] get out of the grave?

God, he [Bruce] is heartbroken! Your boy is heartbroken!

“I’m [Harvey] so sick of that freaking family.” *cackles*

That is a mood! That is a huge mood!

“Wayne Enterprises built those bombs?!?” *groans in frustration*

He didn’t know!

“Look, I [Harvey] know you [Bruce] feel guilty. But Jim Gordon was- is important to all of us.” God, they’re both hurting! So much!

“So go home. Be with Alfred. Be safe.” *whines* ALFRED ISN’T THERE!

I hate this so much

[INCOMING: ALFRED] Oh my God!

“Alfred, where have you been?” “No, not Alfred.” *leans back in chair* SON OF A BITCH!

*groans in frustration*

“I [Jeremiah] hope you [Bruce] didn't catch a cold in my brother's grave. I know those things aren't exactly designed for the living.” *flips off screen with both hands*

Wait, did he [Jeremiah] just turn it off? Did he turn the detonator off ‘cause he clicked it. Or he just set off another bomb.

I thought it was just an intimidation tactic. No, we would have heard a boom.

Oh.

We would have heard a boom if there was another bomb.

“Bruce, let’s get something straight.” Where do you get your [Jeremiah’s] outfits? That’s what I wanna know!

He was already a well dressed son of a bitch before.

I will raid your closet!

“[Jeremiah] You are insane!” *holding head in hands* I thought I was a Pisces...

*laughs* That is the saddest way I’ve heard anyone deliver that line

“Tell the police and I'll know. Just like I [Jeremiah] know that's where you [Bruce] are right now.” How does he know? Is there a spy...

I’d say he’s bluffing.

...on the inside?

*in unison after a good two seconds* HERCULES MULLIGAN!

And he’s [Jim] aliiive!

Well duh!

Leeeeee!!!

God, Jim getting up is such a mood!

He [Jim] grabbed a syringe as a weapon. He’s still konked out.

You are never going to deserve her [Lee], Jim.

“I'll [Jim] have to thank him [Ed] when I arrest him.” You are really terrible at repaying people!

*Jim rips out the IV in his arm* Don’t do thaaat!

Why did you do that?!? Why do people always do that?

“In my jacket I [Jim] got those [plans] from Jeremiah's office. They may give us some clue as to what he's planning.” And you know what, those were hanging in the background in the previous episode.

Yep.

*Jim goes back to sleep* That is the most graceful fall I’ve ever seen.

Selina!

“Bruce, I’m [Selina] gonna be here whenever you need me.” Aaaawww!!

*laughs in pain knowing EXACTLY what happens at the end of this episode*

“He [Jeremiah] wants something out of me [Bruce].” “Like what, to be your best friend?” Yep.

Yeah, actually.

*both gasp and reel back in horror when the first image of Alfred’s torture pops up in the tunnel*

*both immediately hold hands*

“[Lee] You brought him [Jim] here because you thought it would give us leverage with the GCPD.” “Yes.” “By holding him hostage!” *does a WTF shrug*

“This drawing is the key to Valeska's plan. We solve it and we trade the information for clemency.” How good is that gonna do you guys?

*shrugs*

“Or perhaps there’s something more going on.” That’s a safe bet.

Oh my God...

“What happened between Jim and I is over.” *groans in frustration*

“Ed, if this maniac levels half the city, it's gonna disrupt food distribution, water supply, power. The people of the Narrows will suffer the most. We can prevent that, while, at the same time, helping us out of this mess we're in.” OK, yeah, I’m with Lee.

Yeah.

I’m with Lee.

Yeah, that’s a very good point.

“Do it for us.” Don’t kiss him again.

Noooooo!!!

*Lee and Ed kiss* I die a little bit inside every time that happens.

Lucius really is the best.

He is the best.

“But how do we find it? How do we find this brain [the core relay]?” Foregone conclusion: you guys don’t find it.

Ohh that’s a good shot [of Jeremiah walking into the building]! That’s straight out of “Mask of the Phantasm!”

I love it.

*forms an imaginary box around Jeremiah* A LOOK! That is a look!

It really is. With the red gloves!

“I envy you.” You do noooot! Shut up!

“Call our friend. Tell him to kill the butler. He’s no longer necessary.“ *shakes finger at screen* MMM-MMMM!!

You better not! I mean, I know they don’t, but you better not!

Oh my God, I’ve seen this scene!

“Oswald Cobblepot. Barbara Kean. In my stronghold.” It’s less likely than you think!

“And is that my dear Jongleur with my core relay in his hand and a grenade taped to his mouth?” Yes that is!

Holy crap, no, he’s [Oswald] like twirling the [bomb] wire!

Yeeeeppp.

A+ hat removal

“It seems you [Oswald] have the upper hand.” OK, whenever somebody says that, immediately believe that you’re toast!

Those contacts [of Jeremiah’s] are just so unsettling.

They are.

*imitates the way Jeremiah is sitting*

I would like to know who dyed his [Jeremiah’s] hair.

*laughs when Jeremiah rolls his eyes whenever Barbara speaks*

OK, how do they not realize they’re being had? If somebody’s playing it that calm, immediately think something is bad.

“ Well, that and being vastly more intelligent.“ Yeah, he’s basically just telling them right there “Dude, what are you guys doing?”

Oh my God, Penguin, are you that dense?

He’s [Jeremiah] probably calling Ecco. He’s like “Oh my God, can you believe this bullshit?!?”

*chuckles*

Ecco probably dyed his hair. Headcanon. There we go.

“We’re not just gonna hand this thing over and let him destroy Gotham, are we?” “Of course not. Once we get the money, we kill Jeremiah and his people, give the core relay to the police, split the $50 million, and are hailed as the heroes of Gotham!” WHY ARE YOU ADMITTING THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM [Jeremiah]?!?

I think that’s the boom mic. It was a little too close.

They’re saying this right in front of Jeremiah!

I know!

“Can you believe it? They put me on hold?” His phone wasn’t even on the entire time.

*jaw drops when Jeremiah pulls out the bazooka*

WHAT THE SHIT-

*jaws drop when Jongleur gets blown up*

*softly* WHAT THE F-

You realize you ruined your entire plan by destroying the core relay.

“ What’s insane about having a backup plan? Something Jongleur never knew about.” *imitates the way Jeremiah dramatically brushes himself off* Oh I’m sorry, gotta brush myself off!

“And whose fault is it that I changed my mind?” *grabs desk in shock*

I’m altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.

“...kill these idiots.” And he just RUNS!

*chuckles*

Look at ‘im, look at ‘im! Nyoom!

Look at him go!

“Hello, Bruce.” Hi asshole!

“ I imagine you’re wondering, why is Jeremiah doing this?” *puts head on desk* I’M DONE!

“My brother once said, “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.” OK no, you don’t get to ape that- oh my God, they are literally doing the “Killing Joke” thing ‘cause he’s got all these things on the walls!

Aaauugghh!

*both put our hands on our heads in horror*

AAAHHHHH I HATE THIS EPISODE. I HATE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH!

*Scarecrow starts breathing* Jesus God...

*whines in shock behind hands*

“I’ve [Jeremiah] instructed Scarecrow to mix up something exceptional.” Oh my God,another one?

*slaps hands on desk in horror*

“Your butler is going to show you the path ahead.” *in unison* Noooo!

Nooo, we’re not doing this!

Noooo!

He’s [Scarecrow] got the fear gauntlets on [from the Arkham games]!

*both instantly freak out when Alfred gets sprayed with the insanity gas*

“I [Ed] want to make one thing very clear. If Gotham becomes a rock pile, I mind zero percent.” Pfftt.

“I’m only helping you [Jim] because I’m with Lee now.” “Fine. Whatever.” *chuckles*

You’re full of shit, Nygma.

“ Ed, Jeremiah Valeska is threatening to destroy half the city. You really think I care if you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you and Lee are a couple? ” EEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!! YES!!

The man has a point.

“[Jim] You don't believe that Lee could actually love me [Ed], do you?” “Honestly? No.” OH MY GOD, JIM!

“[Ed] You're a psychopath and a murderer. And the fact that you need me [Jim] to validate your crazy fantasy means that you don't believe it either.” *claps excitedly* HOOOOOOOOO!!!

I don’t trust for a second that you [Ed] can carry on a relationship without hurting the woman involved!

“She’s with me in every way.” Freeze him! Put him in ice again!

Please, God. He did less harm that way.

Can we get back to the topic at hand thank you!

“So you're saying that she [Lee] wouldn't be with a killer? And yet she was with you [Jim].” *sits back in frustration* EEEEEDDDDD....

Noo, EEDDD... he’s saying Jim’s worse than him.

OK no...

*groans in frustration*

“Can we do this?” *raises hands in air* Thank you.

*Ed figures out the diagram* It’s a skyline.

Damn...

“Jeremiah lived his entire life in a maze. Now he's trying to remake the city into the place he feels most safe.” “It's actually rather elegant.” Jeremiah’s more of a Riddler than the actual Riddler.

*shrugs*

*shrugs* Yeah...

“Lee and I have some legal knots we need untangled. Before we spend the rest of our lives together.” I’m so done.

Screw you, Eddie!

I’m so done with you!

Now I’m reminded why I didn’t like you!

I liked him in the first half of S4, now it’s just like “Ugh.”

*cheers when Jim knocks out Ed*

THANK YOU! Thank you for that! I would have done it myself!

*gasps when the show cuts back to Barbara and Co. taking out the rest of Jeremiah’s goons*

Ugh, you [Oswald] are so boned...

*claps hands with each word* LET! US! MOVE!

“IS THIS OSWALD?!?” *chuckles*

*chuckles when Harvey abruptly hangs up on Oswald*

*Jim walks back in* Eeeyyy!

There he is!

*smiles when Harvey hugs the crap out of Jim*

“But what matters is, I have the locations of every bomb Jeremiah planted.” Oh he wrote them down!

Auugghh, Jim, when you’re awesome, you’re awesome, and when you suck, you suck.

*sighs* Yeah...

I’m gonna hate this very much...

Ohhhh fear gas!

Ohhhhhhhh, screw that noise.

*gasps when Scarecrow walks up behind Selina*

Aaand that’s him.

OH HE’S GOT A SCYTHE HOLY SHIT

He’s got a scythe...

LOOK AT HIM, HE’S SO COOL!

“I [Scarecrow] think our little experiment is about to get much more interesting.” Oh nononononono...

*Selina starts beating up goons* Oh, go, go, go, go!

“I [Harvey] need this, Jim.” Let him take it.

Ugghh, c’mon guys!

God, Scarecrow looks so cool...

*both freak out when Scarecrow starts swinging his scythe at Selina*

They’re pumping the hallway that Bruce is in with that [fear gas]!

*shakily* Yeah...

So he’s actually seeing a bunch of stuff that isn’t happening.

Yeee-eepp.

*covers hands in horror when we see more of Alfred’s torture*

This is like a Nine Inch Nails music video!

It kinda does...

Jesus Christ...

*both reel back in horror*

“Alfred?” Oh no, did they- noooo....

*puts hands on head in shock*

Noo they didn’t!

*both yell in horror when Fake Alfred gives himself a Glasgow smile*

It’s just fear gas!

It’s fear gas! It’s fake!

It’s fear gas...

It’s fake, it’s fake, it’s fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake!

*shakes hands in worry* Oh God...

I DON’T LIKE THIS EPISODE AT AAALLL!!

*sighs* I’m with you there...

*gasps when Fake Alfred slices Bruce’s sweater with the knife*

Oh my God, no...

Where the heck are they?!?

I don’t know...

*Selina finds someone locked behind a door* Is that where Alfred is?

“Brucey... give me a smile!” *jaw drops in horror*

Noo...

Nononononono...

Aaahhhh...

*both cover our mouths in horror when Fake Alfred gets shot and goes over the balcony*

“Scarecrow was just pumping his fear gas in here.” *keels over* I’m done, you guys!

*both keel over in exhaustion when Alfred appears*

That wasn’t him...

“Look, I’m fine. it’s me. It’s Alfred.” *sing songs* Huuuugggg him noooooww!

Please...

Aahhhhh....

“Alfred?” Give this boy a hug, pleeeasseee...

Aaahhhh....

I’ve seen this before, but I’m so worn out... I’m so worn out by this episode...

*sighs* That’s understandable...

We have 11 minutes to go... then we have the finale.

“I [Harvey] don't know what it's [the bomb] supposed to look like, but I think it is exactly what I'm staring at.” Disable it.

Could only wonder how stable that thing [the bomb] is.

*Jeremiah enters the room* Hooo... that is such a sharp suit...

*snorts in hilarity at Jeremiah’s little smirk of approval that he gives his followers*

“No, wait, Harvey, one of the breakers could be the supercharge fail-safe. Whatever you do, do not touch that one.” *raises hands in WTF manner*

Well, which one?!?

Vertigo shot....

Yeeeeeepppp....

“This is a message to the followers of Jeremiah Valeska. Jeremiah claims to have killed me [Jim]. Well, bad news, I’m alive.“ *leans back* Hooooooo...

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Whooooo....

“So, just know you’re worshipping a fraud. A pale imitation of Jerome.“ *jaw drops in shock*

“You did your worst, Jeremiah, and I’m still here.” Hooooooooooo!!!

Jim almost died and he’s so done with everything. Drag them!

Oh my God, this is gonna be so great.

*Harvey pulls out one of the breakers* He did it! Please tell me he did it!

*both laugh in relief when Harvey realizes he saved the day*

He did it! YA DID IT, HARVEY!

*Jeremiah realizes he done effed up* Oh schnap.

"SHUT UUUUUUPPPPPPP!” *gasps*

...Shit.

*jaw drops open and covers mouth in shock when Jeremiah starts to laugh to himself*

*under her breath* What the...

He [Jeremiah] just spit on that word [’fickleness’]

*shakily* This music is also very good...

*chuckles* [And he] Runs!

Oh, this is where he- yeeeeeeppp.

*jaw drops when Jeremiah purges his followers*

“Perhaps the outcome was not what we had hoped, - but it was worth the risk.” Everyone’s like “Oswald, shut up.”

Seriously though...

“Let’s go, Butch.” “Nope.” *raises hands in air* Thank you!

“.Ever since we [Oswald and Butch] teamed up, everything's gone to crap.” He’s not wrong...

“Except I [Oswald] do know where Strange is.” You’ve held out on this the entire time?!?

“And how exactly do we pay him [Strange]?!?” “I [Tabitha] can be very persuasive.” *sighs*

Stab him.

I think that’s a... desanctified church that he’s [Jeremiah] in

Could very well be, yeah...

Oh, he’s [Jeremiah] using an old map...

Yep.

“I [Ra’s] had a vision. Of Gotham in flames.” *sits back in seat* I’m done...

Who the hell...

“Together, we can make that happen.” Ohhhhh....

“Well, I [Jeremiah] appreciate the offer, but recent events have convinced me of the benefits of working alone.” You have a girlfriend.

Go to hell, Ra’s!

Just so you know, Jeremiah, you’re holding your gun way off. His arms are like super close to him; they should be fully extended when he holds the gun. Dude!

AN: His hair? WACK! His gear? WACK! His jewelry? WACK! His foot stance? WACK! The way that he talks? WACK! The way hat he doesn't even like to smile? WACK!

“Because, my boy, all this is not just about Gotham.” You are so full of shit, Ra’s.

‘Course it’s not...

“This is about Bruce Wayne.” Because everything in this GODDAMN SHOW IS ABOUT Bruce Wayne!

Gaaaahhhhhh...

“[Lee] Leave Gotham. Start a new life somewhere else.” A day late and a dollar short, Jim.

Wait, leave Gotham? The evacuation’s still going.

“But whatever happens after I [Jim] walk out that door, I care about you [Lee]. And I always will.” *puts hand to chest*

And the actors are married and you can teeeell!

God dang it, I hate this.

FRICKINNNNN’-

Go away, Ed!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO... go away...

Mr. Nygma, I formally invite you to eat from the bag of infinite dicks.

“Give it up for Harvey Bullock.” Yaaayyy! Yes, cheer for this man!

*both clap for Harvey*

After all the shit he’s had to put up with!

“Well, I'm [Alfred] gonna take a very long and a very hot shower.” Yes!

*leans all the way back in seat, thinking about the ending*

Are you OK?

No, I’m nooottt...

*Selina props her legs up on Bruce* Aaawww!

Oh oh oh oh...

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

*both start chanting “KISS” then cheer once Bruce kisses Selina*

Ohhhh man... they’re just ticking all the boxes for “How Do We Comfort the Audience After All the Shit They Just Saw?”

*laughs in pain knowing what happens next*

“Why do you [Bruce] think he's [Jeremiah] so obsessed with you?” Some shit!

*both laugh*

God, this was grueling!

*both yell when Jeremiah strolls in*

*both yell in horror when Jeremiah shoots Selina*

YOOOUUU- NO, NONONONO!

She’s fine though! She’s fine, because she has the um, the nine lives! [Selina] You’re good! You’re good, honey!

*Alfred beats the crap out of Jeremiah* Gooo Alfred, gooo!

BEAT. HIS. ASS!

Go Alfred go Alfred go Alfred-

Please, c’mon! C’mon!

*both sigh in frustration when the episode ends*

[Expletive]... this... episode...

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