#the laughing gas have me a full blown panic attack

[housewifebuck]

Got 2 of my wisdom teeth yoinked. mouth hurty

#the laughing gas have me a full blown panic attack #which I very much foresaw happening #and then I cried thru the entire procedure lol #i am 22 years old bro. this is so embarrassing #I’m omw home now and I’m like. still crying for some reason #I’m literally traumatized 😭 I hate it here #personal #medical tw

[angstyaches]

em here

I don't want to request anything you have in your askbox already haha so how about some really pukey and sick felix with worried elli? maybe it starts in the car and they think it's carsickness but it turns out to be worse than that?

Here you go, Em! It made me so happy to get a request for these two before I take a break, so thank you! It gets a little angsty, but everything turns out okay.

CW: emeto, sickness, fever, slight confusion, panic attack/anxiety with physical symptoms

___

“This is the last time,” Elliott insisted.

Felix jumped as Elliott raised his voice. He hadn’t realised that he’d been out of it until he forced himself to focus on what his boyfriend was saying.

“It’s the absolute, very last time I’m driving to this place until the actual night of the party,” Elliott muttered, glancing half-heartedly into the side mirror before switching lanes. “Lord, but Nancy’s been dumping these appointments on us left, right, and centre, and I’m sick of it. What if we’d had plans today?”

“Well, we didn’t, darling,” Felix said softly. “And whatever it is, I’m sure Nancy had a decent reason this time.”

“Sorry, boo. I wish I was as good as you are, at assuming the best in people.” Elliott rested a hand on Felix’s knee while the other held the steering wheel. Excitement was lighting up his face, after he’d spent the last ten minutes frowning.  “You and I – we should plan something. Something nice, for when the party-planning fiasco’s blown over. What do you think, boo? Anywhere you’ve been dying to go?”

His optimistic mood, and the mention of travel, should have lifted Felix’s spirits too, but all it did was make him a bit starry-eyed. He stared at Elliott, mesmerised by the dimples that seemed prodded into his cheeks by invisible fingers.

He realised that Elliott was waiting for him to respond, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Could barely think at all. His head had felt like a spinning top since they’d gotten in the car, and there was a heaviness in his bones that he could no longer convince himself was just from tiredness.

If only a fraction of his discomfort and confusion was showing on his face, then it was no wonder the excited look fell from Elliott’s face.

“Are you alright, Fee?”

Felix gave a short, mirthless laugh. “Do I look as dreadful as I feel?”

“Well, don’t bite me, but – yes, I would say so,” Elliott replied, stealing a few more quick glances as he tried to focus on the road too. “Is it motion sickness?”

“Oh, gosh, maybe.” Felix rubbed a hand across his stomach. It definitely felt a little unsettled, now that he thought about it. He’d be relieved if that was all this turned out to be. “I – I shouldn’t be feeling this bad sitting in the front, but yeah.”

“What did you eat this morning?”

“Not much, just some toast. I wasn’t very hungry when I woke up.” He began to shake his head and lean forward in his seat, rubbing at the sides of his face. Thinking about food – even bland food like toast and butter – was making him feel nauseous. Come to think of it, he’d had a glass of apple juice too, the acidic taste of which was starting to wash back up into his mouth. “Gosh, Elli, I think – I think I need to get out.”

“There’s a rest stop in two minutes, boo, if you can wait that long.”

Felix gave a short grunt of agreement, keeping his head down in his hands and trying to take long, steady breaths. He tried to let up a couple of burps too, which usually helped a lot when his stomach didn’t feel right, but this didn’t feel like nausea brought on by external factors. The more he let himself feel it, the more he realised that there was a deep-set pain in his belly, like all of his organs and muscles were knotting together. The burps were forced – thick with the taste of the apple juice – and not relieving at all.

He was definitely going to have to bring up something other than gas.

“We’re here, boo,” Elliott said, jerking the car slightly as he rushed to park it. “We’re right beside the toilet area, if you need to run –”

Felix was already reaching for his seatbelt and the door handle at the same time. His body swayed a bit as he stepped out onto the time-beaten tarmac, and the faint overcast sky made his head feel even lighter. His thoughts kept floating away; he knew he was supposed to be doing something, but what was it?

“Hey, Fee?” Elliott appeared in front of him and put his hands on either side of his face.

Felix blinked and tried to focus on his boyfriend’s face, his eyes. Oh right, he remembered, feeling a tight cramp shove its way up from the pit of his stomach. He was supposed to be throwing up by now.

He held his own hands to his mouth and shook himself free of Elliott’s. The urge to vomit was steady and slow-burning at first, but he picked up the pace alongside it. The closer he got to the bathrooms, the further up his throat the nausea crawled.

Elliott rushed after his boyfriend once he’d shoved the passenger side door shut. He heard a violent retch as he pushed through the door, followed by an echoing cough. Felix had made it into a cubicle, but there was a short trail of sick on the floor where the show had clearly started the show before being in position.

“Aw, Fee,” Elliott murmured. He laid a hand on Felix’s back, mostly to let him know he was there.

Felix groaned as thick chunks of bread soaked in apple juice coursed up his throat, and he coughed harshly over the mess it made in the toilet bowl and on the seat.

“Made – made a mess,” he whined, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as he managed to come up for air.

“Boo, I’m sure this dump has seen worse,” Elliott said with a frown. He hated that Felix fixated on unnecessary, irrelevant details while he was sick, instead of just focusing on doing whatever he needed to feel better. He scratched his back lightly. “Are you okay?”

The next sound out of Felix was a pinched sob. “No,” he choked out. “Can – can you clean the floor, darling? I’m sorry, I’d do it myself, I just –”

Elliott flinched back as Felix doubled right over, ejecting another thick wave of sick into the toilet bowl. He clenched his jaw and did as the boy requested, pulling wads of paper towels from the dispenser and mopping up the small amount of sick that had gotten on the floor. He tossed it all in the bin by the doorway. As he turned back to check on his boyfriend, he wondered at the fact that nobody had left or entered since they’d gone in, but maybe other travellers knew how dingy the toilets were, and avoided them like the plague.

“Are you okay, gorgeous?” Elliott asked again, reaching for Felix’s waist as the smaller boy flushed the toilet and turned towards him. He was trembling slightly, and Elliott wondered if he was running a fever; his own body temperature had been so messed up lately that he didn’t trust his own judgment.

“No,” Felix admitted a second time, whimpering against Elliott’s chest before lifting his head again. His eyes seemed unable to focus on Elliott’s. “I – I’m sure it’s just really bad motion sickness. I just… just need a minute to recover...”

“Seriously, boo,” Elliott sighed, putting his hand on the back of Felix’s head. “I think you’re going to need about a day to recover. I’ll bet you and Nancy are down with the same bug or something, and that’s why she didn’t want to leave the house today.”

“You – you think?” Felix rubbed his hands over his belly, as though he could somehow feel out whether that guess was correct or not. “Gosh, could that happen?”

“If it could happen to a witch like Nancy, it could definitely happen to you, Fee,” Elliott said with a sympathetic grimace. Both Felix and Nancy had stomachs as weak as kittens, but Elliott didn’t particularly feel like bullying his sick boyfriend with that analogy right then. Plus, he’d already used up his don’t bite me for the day.

Felix might not have even noticed if Elliott had chosen to tease him, because now that the panic of vomiting had passed, his head was starting to feel like it was detaching itself from his body like a rocket into space. He groaned lowly as Elliott wrapped his arms around him and led him back out to the car.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Elliott said, after settling him in the passenger seat. He rubbed his boyfriend’s back as Felix folded his arms on the dash and buried his head between them. “I’m going to run into the shop and get you something fizzy to sip on.”

Felix flinched as the door closed next to him, his stomach sloshing along with the gentle rocking of the car. He felt what he thought was a sob push its way up from his chest, but what came out of his mouth was a deep, nauseated burp that brought a very bad taste to his mouth. It wasn’t of apple juice anymore either; whatever was wrong with him, it was bringing up whatever remained of last night’s dinner, too. He couldn’t even remember what that was, and as soon as he tried to even think about food again, his stomach heaved.

“Oh no,” he mumbled thickly, lifting his head and reaching for the door handle.

He managed to swing his legs out of the seat and lean forward, his head almost between his knees, before even more thick, sloshy liquid gushed out of him. His head was practically between his knees as the sick splashed over the ground. Felix was worried about getting it on his shoes, but his vision was so full of stars that he ended up closing his eyes, gripping the edge of his seat with one hand and the handle of the door with the other, and trying not to fall out into his own sick.

As soon as he was sure his stomach had settled a bit, Felix leaned back and pulled his feet up to the seat. He rested his chin on his knees, still slumped sideways and facing towards the open door. Just in case. He probably looked ridiculous to anyone who passed by, and he was sure there was a rest stop employee somewhere who would later despise him for throwing up in a car parking spot, but Felix couldn’t bring himself to care.

It felt as though a huge chasm were opening up in his chest and he didn’t know why, or how to stop it. He just tried to hold himself in one piece until Elliott made it back.

“Aw, Fee, are you alright?” Elliott asked softly when he reappeared, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Felix blinked, barely able to open his eyes for the stabbing light of the overhead clouds. His throat felt like it was on fire as he struggled to form words. His eyes were watering, presumably from the effort of heaving up everything in his system; though that certainty started to fade as he nuzzled his cheek against Elliott’s hand and frowned.

“Elli, I… I want my mum.”

The bottle of lemon-and-lime almost slipped out of Elliott’s hand, and he leapt to catch it before it could fall into the new puddle of sick and roll under the car. He stared at his boyfriend’s face as his eyes fell shut again.

“What – Felix?” he whispered, more to himself than anything. For almost a decade, Felix had never said anything like that; he never even wanted to talk about his mother, or any members of his previous family. Elliott had come to accept that it was a part of his life that he just didn’t want to drag into this life, and that was that.

“Fee?” Elliott asked.

Felix didn’t seem to want to respond.

Elliott carefully held his slumped head against his chest as he pulled the boy’s jacket off, hoping it would stop his fever crawling up. Then Elliott tucked the loose plastic bag he’d gotten in the shop into the footwell and rounded the car to the driver’s seat. He unscrewed the bottle of fizz and helped his boyfriend, whose hands were too shaky and whose eyes were too unfocused, take a couple of sips, all the while brushing flecks of mint-green hair back from his face.

Felix leaned into Elliott’s touch again and let out a pitiful whimper.

“You’re okay, gorgeous,” Elliott whispered. “Luckily we’re only about fifteen minutes from home, so I just need you to hang in there a little longer. There’s a bag by your feet, if you’re going to be sick again.”

Felix gave a weak nod of his head against Elliott’s palm.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Fee.” Elliott frowned at the sound of his own voice tapering off into a low sob. “I’m sorry you’re… I’m sorry you’re not with her. I… I did that, I kept you from...”

The sight of Felix’s already-closed eyes scrunching up slightly made Elliott’s stomach twist. What was he thinking, rambling on like this when he should have been focusing on getting Felix back home?

Elliott tried to keep his hands from shaking long enough to get Felix’s seatbelt on. He also rolled up Felix’s jacket into a makeshift pillow for him to use against the door until they got home.

“I love you,” he said. “I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

Felix murmured incoherently as he lay against the door, hugging his arms tightly to his sick belly. Elliott ran a hand across his faded mint hair, tucking the heaviest of his bangs behind his ear so that they didn’t stick to his forehead.

His own head was spinning as he turned towards the steering wheel. There was a weight on his chest, like a dark cloud full of rain. He unscrewed Felix’s drink and took a couple of sips himself; his body would most definitely reject it if he took in too much sugar and chemicals, but his mouth was suddenly so dry that it seemed worth the risk.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself. He had to get Felix home.

___

In the end, Elliott barely remembered a thing from the moment he started the ignition at the pit stop, to the moment he turned it off in the townhouse garage. His hands leapt back from the steering wheel, as though he’d just watched it come to life by itself. The ends of his fingertips, along with his feet, tingled as though they weren’t getting enough blood, despite the fact that his heart was in a throbbing frenzy.

He was brought back to reality by a gentle moan from the other side of the car.

“Fuck,” Elliott whispered, turning to undo his boyfriend’s seatbelt. Whatever had just happened, he’d have to deal with it later, once he’d sorted Felix out.

“Elli? I don’t feel good,” Felix grumbled as he sat up slightly. The empty plastic bag rustled as he clutched it in his right hand; Elliott hadn’t even seen him lean over to grab it from the floor. The poor boy was holding his belly with his other hand, and now that he’d been asleep for a little while, his eyes looked like they’d sunk into his face.

“As though I need telling, boo,” Elliott sighed, stroking Felix’s cheek and watching his eyelashes flutter aimlessly at the cold touch. “Let’s get you inside, okay? Then I’ll – I’ll get Ryan and see if she knows what’s going on with you.”

___

Felix belched weakly over the empty basin that he was practically spooning in bed. His arm barely had enough strength to keep him up on his side, but he didn’t dare lie back down until his belly had stopped churning. When his cheek finally sank into the cool surface of the pillow, Felix let his eyes fall shut, though he kept a hand on the side of the basin so he’d know where it was if he needed it.

The bedroom door opened and Elliott came in, carrying water and a thermometer and a few packets of medicine.

“I’m officially a detective,” he sighed. He sat at the edge of the bed and rested a hand gently on Felix’s shoulder. “Nancy’s got the same thing, so I guess you’re both gonna have to just ride it out.”

Felix looked up from behind the basin, peering at his boyfriend’s face. Even though he felt like death – not literally, as he was aware of what actual death felt like – he could tell something wasn’t right with Elliott either. Ever since they’d gotten home, and the fog in Felix’s brain started lifting, Elliott had seemed oddly shaky, breathing a little raggedly.

“Are – are you okay, darling?” Felix’s throat felt raw from the bile that had been surging up repeatedly for the past hour.

“Me?” Elliott’s dark eyelashes fluttered in surprise. He shifted the basin to the floor so he could sit a little closer to Felix. “You’re - you’re worried about me, boo?”

Felix nodded weakly as Elliott brushed a gentle thumb against his cheek. His whole body felt like it was being pulled down into quicksand; thankfully, Elliott’s touch was enough to let him know that he was still just there, on the solid mattress. 

“You’re so sweet, and I’m glad you’re a little more with-it now,” Elliott said, “but I’m fine. I’m almost full-vamp like Ryan, so I don’t think I can catch this.”

“Mmm.” Felix sighed, closing his eyes so that all he could focus on was the motion of Elliott’s fingers. He let out a deep sigh, the grumbling in his gut finally settling down a little. Still, he wrapped his arms around his waist and curled up protectively around his sick belly.

Elliott continued tracing circles into Felix’s neck and down his back. Dark feelings swirled in his chest as he watched his nauseous boyfriend shiver slightly in his semi-conscious state, whimpering and curling a little more tightly around his stomach. Elliott’s heart was like a battering ram on his ribs until Felix’s face became temporarily peaceful. 

“I love you,” he whispered, not because he thought Felix would hear him; he said it because it made the fear a little easier to cope with. The last thing he expected was to hear Felix whisper it back, albeit with a weak hand rising up to cover his mouth.

“Love you so much, darling...” Felix burped behind his palm, his eyes still closed. “But can you get me the basin again?”

#emeto #emeto sickfic #sickfic #sickfic boys #my ocs #emetophilia #stomach bug #angst #anxiety #panic attack #vampire emeto #Felix and Elliott #request

[nico-di-genova]

Risks of the Job

Prompt: TK or Carlos getting hurt at work and the other one freaking out and being super concerned/caring.

Warnings: Suicidal ideation (TK reflecting on the past).

       “I’m sorry, you got what?” TK exclaims, his eyebrows shooting up and voice raising an octave.

        The rest of the 126 looks up from their breakfast, their eyes going to where TK stood by the coffee machine, phone raised to his ear and back to them. Through the fabric of his Austin fire t-shirt they could see the way his body began to tense.

       “What-? Where are you?”

        He sounded panicked, worried; it was enough to have Owen looking at him with concern. Paul and Marjan glanced at each other curiously, and then back to the man who was gripping his phone tight enough that his knuckles had gone white.

       “I’m on my way,” he said, before hanging up and turning around to look at his team. There was dread in his eyes, a distress in his features that hadn’t been there before he’d gotten the phone call.

       “What’s going on, TK?” Owen asked, watching his son with a careful gaze, monitoring the way TK seemed to be detaching from his body. He got like this when he was overwhelmed, or when he couldn’t quite process something.

       “Um-, Carlos is in the hospital?” it was a question, like he didn’t want to believe it was true.

       Judd was already standing from his chair before anyone else could respond. He looked to Owen, “I’ll drive him.”

                                                   *******

       He expects the worst, so the image he’s met with is enough to have relief flooding through his body. Carlos is injured, his left arm in a sling and gauze wrapped tightly around his bicep, but he’s conscious. He’s propped up in the hospital bed, playing with the remote for the TV, and beginning to look bored. When he sees TK walk into the room his expression shifts to an exasperated scowl.

       “Ty, I told you not to come.”

       TK scoffed, “and you’re a dumbass if you thought I was going to listen.”

       The breath he takes feels like the first full one he’s had since his minor heart attack began. He’d heard the words, ‘I got shot’, and everything had gone sideways; narrowed to a pinprick viewpoint that had him seeing the worst outcomes. Now that he can look at Carlos, and know that everything is relatively okay, it feels like oxygen is finally returning to his lungs.

       “It’s just a shoulder wound, babe. Some idiot with bad aim tried to rob a gas station. I’m fine.”

       If he wasn’t already injured, TK might have strangled him. Fine was a subjective term, and a gunshot wound very much seemed like a unfine thing. He knew Carlos was just trying to keep him calm though, remain composed, so that he could convince TK to go back to work and resume their normal routine. He didn’t like having people feel sorry for him, always wanting to be the one to do the consoling. While it was brave of him, it was also incredibly annoying.

       “You got shot,” he says, trying not to let his voice waver with the amount of emotion he’s currently feeling.

       Carlos rolled his eyes, “I barely got shot.”

       “You’re annoying, Kevlar, you know that?” There’s only a minor amount of aggravation in his voice. Mainly, he just sounds relieved.

       Carlos gives him a small smile at the nickname. It had come around when TK had first seen him in his bulletproof vest. The sight was enough of a turn on that he’d begged the man to keep it on when he’d returned home that night, slamming him up against the closest wall and kissing him until they both were out of breath. They’d been together long enough for TK to know he was insanely attracted to Carlos when he was in his uniform, but he didn’t particularly enjoy the risks that came with the job. Not that his job was any safer, he did run into burning buildings for a living. Both of them spent a substantial amount of time worrying about the other, to the point that it had led to a few arguments about safety in the beginning of their relationship. He tried not to think about that now, how right he’d been right in agonizing over Carlos every time the man took on a particularly dangerous call.

       Seeming to sense how overwhelmed and panicked TK was, Carlos reached out for him, motioning for the man to come closer until he could wrap his hand around TK’s wrist and pull him to the bed.

       “Look at me Tyler,” he said, Knowing using his first name always grabbed his attention, waiting until TK met his steady gaze, “I’m fine.”

       The steadfast way he said it, with that unwavering determination in his eyes, it was enough to have TK breathing in a shaky breath.  Tears began to burn at the corners of his vision. If it weren’t for Judd driving him here, trying to remind him to breathe on the ride over, TK might have had a full blown panic attack. He knew Carlos wasn’t invincible, that he was very much human and could be injured just like anyone else, but a part of him had thought that the man was too good at his job to be bested. In his head, Carlos was some badass hero cop, too smart and quick to ever be beat by the bad guys. This small injury is enough to remind TK that he can be hurt, in one second he could be here, and in the next be gone. All because some asshole with a gun felt like trying to play cops and robbers.

       “I was so scared,” he finally admits, voice wavering. The tears blur his vision, and he tries to blink them away before they fall, but they’re sudden and overtake him.

      “Oh, cariño,” Carlos sighs, understanding in his tone, “c’mere.”

      He pulls TK down until the man gets the hint and climbs onto the bed beside him. He’s on Carlos’ uninjured side and doesn’t hesitate to curl up against him, head resting on his shoulder, as Carlos wraps an arm around him and places his hand atop TK’s head. It’s a familiar position, a comforting one, and TK clings to it desperately as the tears begin to stream down his face.

      “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

      It’s like he’d been running on a high. Adrenaline and anxiety keeping his heart pounding in his chest from the moment he’d gotten the call. Now that he was here, close enough to hear Carlos’ heartbeat and feel his chest rise and fall with each breath, everything that had kept him running was fading away, leaving him with nothing but the fear that had been the backdrop to this whole experience. He couldn’t think about anything other than how warm Carlos was, how right that seemed, how him being cold and still just felt unnatural. If that bullet had strayed any further to the right they might not even be here right now.

       “You could have died,” he cries, hating how pathetic it sounds. Carlos was the one who’d been hurt, and yet he was the one who was sobbing.

      “No, hey, don’t think like that,” he runs a hand through TK’s hair, something that usually soothes the man but now just makes his cries worsen, “I’m fine, TK. I’m right here.”

      ‘Yeah, but for how long?’ he wants to say, he wants to scream it so that maybe Carlos would understand. Never, not in all of his twenty-eight years, has TK loved anyone as much as he loves Carlos. Maybe he’d been close, Alex had seemed like the love of his life when he was twenty-six, but now he knew that wasn’t real. This, laying here, fitting so perfectly against Carlos’ side, this is what he knew was right. And losing this, the thought of maybe not having this at some point in his life, that terrified him.

       “I’m sorry I scared you, tiger,” Carlos says, pausing for a moment before continuing, “honestly though, it scared me too. When I didn’t know how bad it was yet, and all I could see was the blood, I just kept thinking, ‘TK’s going to kill me’.” He huffs out a small laugh, and sniffles. TK’s surprised when he looks up and see’s his cheeks wet with tears as well.

       “But it’s my job, TK. A job I love. And I know we both get worried, about what could happen, but I love being a cop and you love being a firefighter. So… this is something we have to accept. We have to, or it’s going to break us.”

       TK hates that he’s right, hates it so much that it makes him sick.

       “I promise you; I will always do my best to get home to you. No matter what, but things happen. We have to remember that.”

       Two years ago TK had popped open a bottle of pills with the full intent of ending his life. He’d gone into fires with a sort of recklessness that came with not caring about anything. He knew what it was like to live on the edge of a blade, teetering between death and narrowly avoiding it. He didn’t want that anymore, and with Carlos he didn’t need to feel that way. His dad, his new team, his fiancé, they’d all given him something to live for. So yeah, losing Carlos scared the shit out of him. He didn’t want to accept that Carlos might leave him one day, he hated the thought of it, but the man was right. If they had any hope of maintaining their sanity, they had to understand the dangers of their jobs, and embrace it.

       He looked down at the ring on his left hand, the silver band that Carlos had proposed to him with only a few months prior. When he’d told his dad about the engagement, Owen had smiled and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. The elation he’d felt, the pure joy, rivaled that of the fear he was feeling now. He wanted a life with Carlos, craved it, because the man loved him in a way he’d never been loved. But TK knew why his parents own marriage had fallen apart. His mom had never been able to accept the dangers of Owen’s job. After 9/11, that was when the worst arguments began. They’d be in the kitchen for hours, screaming at each other, and TK had huddled in his room, hugging his knees to his chest, and tried his best to block it all out. He didn’t want him and Carlos to be like that. His dad didn’t want them to be like that. The only way they came out of this, is if they let go of their fear.

       “Okay,” he sniffled, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand, “I promise to be careful too.”

       “We’re gonna be okay, cariño.”

       The term of endearment rolled off his tongue in the easy way it always did, making TK’s heart go soft. He leaned into that feeling, leaned further into Carlos, and tried to breathe around the snot that had stuffed up his nose. Maybe there would be a day where he received a worse phone call, where someone else would be the one speaking to him instead of Carlos. But, that day wasn’t today. Today he got to have Carlos right beside him, familiar, warm, and his.

A/N: For anyone that doesn’t know, cariño means sweetheart in Spanish, and I can’t get the image of Carlos calling TK that out of my head.

#tarlos #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos fic #my fic

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Starstruck Velma, Chapter 2

Diiiiid someone say they wanted a sequel to my Fantasy story??? No??? Well TOO BAD THIS IS A FULL-BLOWN FIC NOW. 

I really loved writing that story for Writer’s Month, and really wanted to expand upon this world @tanookiroxx had created for her amazing story Starstruck, and the world I was able to write for in the Fantasy story. So after discussing it with @tanookiroxx and also @cosmicrealmofkissteria I decided to give it a go! Here’s hoping it goes well! Thank, you two, for bouncing around ideas with me on this! Hope you all like it! Please go back and read the first chapter for a refresher because I don’t give much context. Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It seemed sleep was what Velma needed, because she ended up sleeping for most of the day and woke up in the early afternoon. A quick message to the gang’s groupchat confirmed they had all done the same thing. Luckily Daphne had called ahead to Demon and told him they would let him know when they could come in and debrief with him on how the night went. 

Velma still wasn’t looking forward to that; she knew the minute she told people she had been knocked out and probably hypnotized by Starchild, panic would ensue. Even if she insisted nothing had happened, they would insist she had no real way of knowing that. And really she didn’t—she didn’t have any memory of what happened after Starchild lulled her into closing her eyes. All she had was a strange certainty that nothing had happened. But that wouldn’t be enough for people. 

Even so, she knew it had to be done. So she dragged herself out of bed, got dressed, grabbed a quick breakfast/lunch, and waited for Fred to text her that they were outside her apartment building. It wasn’t hard to spot Fred’s van that had become their designated mode of transportation; it was reminiscent of a black government van, except it was painted a robin’s egg blue and had neon green hubcaps on the wheels. It was incredibly outlandish, but Fred stubbornly refused to repaint it, so bright blue it stayed. 

She got into the backseat, Shaggy and Scooby moving over for her, and buckled her seatbelt. Daphne passed her a white paper bag. “Here. I went to that cafe by our office building and got us breakfast.” 

Velma opened the bag to find a small egg, ham, and cheese sandwich inside. “Thanks, Daphne,” 

“Like, you okay, Velma?” Shaggy asked as Fred pulled out of his parking spot. 

“I’m fine,” Velma nodded. 

“You sure?” Fred asked, glancing at her in his rearview mirror. “You did get knocked out by Starchild last night.” 

“Really, guys, I’m fine,” Velma assured. “I checked for any injuries or bruises when I got home, and I didn’t find any. Let’s just get to Demon’s office so we can tell him what happened.” 

Fred still looked skeptical. “Okay… If you’re sure.” 

“I am sure,” 

But as Fred continued driving, Velma put her hands in the pockets of her coat... and her fingers brushed a folded piece of paper. And then she remembered; she hadn’t taken the note Starchild had left for her out of her pocket. 

See you soon, pretty thorn.

She didn’t want to think about when “soon” was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When they arrived at the K.I.S.S. agency building they headed straight up to Demon’s office on the top floor. They stepped out of the elevator and headed for his office, when suddenly someone turned the corner and almost ran into them. It was a man, older than them, with a build that was so slender it bordered on skinny, pale skin, rather feminine features, and long black hair. He was about as tall as Daphne. And as he was walking he appeared to be straightening his clothes, but stopped when he saw them. 

“Hi,” Fred said amiably to him. “We’re here to see Demon. Is he in his office?” 

The man tilted his head at them, then nodded in recognition. “Ah, you’re Mystery Incorporated, aren’t you? We had heard Demon called you. Demon is in his office right now. I was just there… debriefing on a case with him.” 

Fred was silent for a moment, then he grinned. “Great! Thanks. Hope to see you again.” 

The man was about to walk past them when his eyes suddenly fell on Velma. A funny look came to his face. “You,” he said, “you’ve encountered Starchild, haven’t you?”

Velma stood there for a second as she tried to think of how to respond. But she couldn’t think of what to say. How did he know? 

He answered before she could ask that. “I can feel it on you; his hypnotic touch always radiates off of those who have been caught in his trance. Be careful, Velma; once he has put you under his spell once, he will never let you go. It has happened before. If you aren’t careful, your next encounter with him will be your last taste of free will.” 

And without another word, he walked briskly away. It wasn’t until he had disappeared around the corner that Velma realized she had never told him her name. 

“Who was that?” Fred said aloud. 

Shaggy was visibly shaking, as was Scooby. “Like why did he have to be so creepy?” 

Daphne scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I swear, this place is full of weirdos. Come on, let’s just go to Demon’s office.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When they entered Demon’s office, they found it was still as shrouded in shadows as it was before. But strangely, as they entered, they were just in time to see him straightening his shirt and wiping his forehead with his sleeve. He looked up at them. “Ah, there you are.” He sat down at his massive oak desk as the gang sat down in the chairs in front of them, and his face turned stern. “So… What happened?” 

The gang all glanced at each other, and then Fred decided to speak. “Well… We set everything up the way we planned. And then at some point Starchild broke into the museum.” 

“And? Did you catch him?” 

“Well… No.” 

Demon frowned darkly, and Velma heard Shaggy whimper in fear. “Then what happened?” 

“Starchild must have figured out our trap,” Daphne said. “He managed to lure Velma into a trap of his own, then knocked her out with sleeping gas.” 

Demon’s eyes widened and he rounded on Velma. “You got captured by Starchild?” 

Velma sighed quietly, but nodded. “Yeah. He knocked me out, and when I woke up, I was tied up in the Japanese wing on the third floor.”

“Did he hypnotize you?” 

Here Velma paused. How was she going to say it? 

Her silence was enough for Demon. He cursed. “Goddammit. I can’t have anyone else getting hypnotized by that…” he sighed in frustration and sat back. “I suppose you don’t remember what he did to you?” 

Velma shook her head. “No, I don’t. But nothing happened.” 

“How do you know that for sure?” 

“I just… I just know nothing happened. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how, but I know nothing happened after he got me to close my eyes.” 

Demon sighed heavily. “Fine. Did you at least figure anything out concerning him?” 

Everyone looked over at Velma. “Yeah, actually, I did,” she said, steeling herself for what was about to happen. “I figured out you know Starchild. From before you started this manhunt. And that he knows, or used to know, you too.” 

Demon’s face went blank, but he still calmly replied, “Of course I knew who he was. He’s a criminal, but he never became a bigger threat until a few months ago.” 

“But what about the part where Starchild used to know you?” Daphne reminded him. “Is that true?” 

“That isn’t relevant,” 

“But what is relevant is that we didn’t get enough information on Starchild,” Velma spoke, unaware of where this newfound bravery was coming from. “We need more than we’ve been given if we’re going to catch him.” 

“Velma’s right,” Fred nodded. “If we knew more about him, maybe we could set a better trap.” 

“Much of the information you want is classified,” 

“But, like, how’re we supposed to help if we, like, don’t know anything?” Shaggy pointed out. “L-Like, no offense, Mr. Demon, sir.” 

Daphne nodded and gestured to Shaggy. “See?” 

Demon looked like he wanted to argue and throw them out of his office. But finally, he just sighed heavily. “Fine. I’ll give you more information. Is there anything specific you want?” 

“The files on the three missing agents would be nice,” Velma piped up. 

“And details on Starchild’s other robberies would be good too,” Daphne added. “So we can see if there are any patterns.” 

“Your best profile of him, psychological and physical and biographic information included,” Fred threw out. 

“And like, visual cues so Scoob knows what to look for so he can attack,” Shaggy finished, scratching Scooby behind the ears. 

Demon raised an eyebrow. “It seems you’ve got everything figured out,” 

“We wouldn’t be as great as we are if we didn’t think ahead,” Fred said proudly. 

“Fine. I’ll get you the info you want, and anything else I think you may find useful. You’ll receive your files tomorrow.”

His tone of voice left no room for argument, so they all accepted that and walked out. They headed out of the building and piled back into the van. 

“Like, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starved!” Shaggy said aloud as Fred turned on the ignition. “Let’s get lunch!” 

Daphne laughed at him. “We just ate our breakfast not even two hours ago,” 

“Like, exactly!” 

Velma laughed with the others, but couldn’t help falling quiet as Fred began to drive, no doubt looking for somewhere they could eat. The words that that agent had said to her were still playing back in her head. 

Once he has put you under his spell once, he will never let you go. 

If you aren’t careful, your next encounter with him will be your last taste of free will.

See you soon, pretty thorn.

What was she going to do?

#starstruck #starchild x velma #starvel #poor velma i'm sorry i'm doing this to you sweetie lol #Enigmatic Warnings are Enigmatic #also bonus points to anyone who can sniff out what's going to become the running gag of this story #hope you guys like this because there's more coming! #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading!

[jane-the-zombie]

each dawn i die || felix & jane

TIMING: August 17, Night. LOCATION: Deep Woods off a hiking trail PARTIES: @streetharmacist & @jane-the-zombie SUMMARY: Jane calls Felix to help deal with a problem after she awakens. CONTENT: Addiction warning, Panic Attack, Mentions of murder and gun violence.

Jane dragged the bodies so they were all in a line. Tourists who never asked to run into a feral zombie in the middle of the woods. She didn’t think about the attack as she sat on a fallen log. She crushed the cell phone she pulled off the woman with her hands, and was gingerly holding the one she pulled off the young one as she waited for Felix to come to her. God. She didn’t know who else to call - actually, Jane didn’t know who else she would call. Felix was her first friend, the one that had been there with her since the beginning. Appearing out of the shadows as she set her wedding dress aflame, and never leaving even after all these years. Her first friend. The only reminder of the past she allowed herself to keep. Jane felt the phone screen crack in her hands, the dulled sharpness barely cutting her fingers. “Crap!” She mumbled, looking down at it to make sure she could still use it. She only had one more body to choose from. Jane heard Felix before she saw him, but she doesn’t bother getting up because she’s honestly not certain what to do. She looked awful, hair a tangled rat's nest, the victim's blood mixed with her own on her face and on her body, and she was certain there were bits of brains that she missed. She kept touching her face and her head, feeling for bullet holes or pieces of skull… Jane finally looked up, squinting slightly  at Felix’s form.

She opened her mouth, unsure what to tell him. Thank you for coming? Instead she said, “He took my badge.” It was like a missing part of her. It was supposed to be clipped straight to her belt like it always was but it was just gone, along with her gun. “He took my badge.” She said again. She realized that was the only thing she could say. As if Felix would know what that meant. Jane’s eyes watered. She felt grimy and strange, and she had just killed three people. “Right off my belt.” She touched the place where the now broken chain hung limply off her belt.

What was it with humans and dying on him? His head hurt, his eyes hurt. Felix tried his darndest to think of it as cleaning up after a job gone poorly but he couldn't. He swore at himself for thinking like some kinda brute. It wasn't a job. He wasn't a clean-up crew. He was a friend and that thought pushed his foot down harder against the gas. Sure, he didn't know how to drive too well and he didn't have a license, but he had a feeling that Jane wouldn't be in an arresting mood. Not after--Another pull of his cigarette. The fae tightened the belt of his dressing gown as he stepped out of the car. Wingtips weren’t the ideal hiking shoe but he cut through the woods like he took to it naturally. Pulse racing as it was, it would have been impossible not to. Movement caused his to slow some and he huffed a breath as he came to a stop at the sight of her.

“Geez, Jane, there you a--”

His jaw slackened then fell, the unvoiced words tumbling out. A stranger to death, he was not. And there she was, gore and bone strewn about her feet. She was a friend and she had called him. A hand reached up to his glasses and slid them off. Folded them up nice and neat to put into his pocket. His brow furrowed.

“He took your badge? Who did?”

Blood was caked to her skin, her clothes, everything. Jane could feel it. The crusty, dried red-brown liquid, but it didn’t feel as it should. As Felix came closer, removing his glasses, she realized that Jane wasn’t sure she wanted him to look at her. At what she’d done. But it was too late for that now, wasn’t it? She told him outright what she had done on the phone, and he came anyway. Her oldest friend in a -- was that a gucci bathrobe? Her eyes stung and she almost wanted to laugh, but it caught in her throat.

“Who?” She repeated. Who took her badge - except, Felix didn’t care about her badge. He cared about how she got in the middle of the woods, near a few hikers… But her badge. Roy had ripped it off her like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing. Her job meant everything to her, it was the only thing that kept her grounded and he just took it from her.

Her hands trembled slightly as she went to touch her face, gingerly touching right between her eyes. It didn’t feel like her anymore, but perhaps she expected her face to be blown in. It wasn’t, it was normal. Or as close to normal as it would ever be again. Best not to dwell on the differences. “Roy Chambers.” Jane said quietly. “I was following a lead after a woman connected to him got arrested.” Was she trying to die? Jane wasn’t sure she wanted to think about that this second. Jane swallowed hard. “He - “ She touched her chest, where the hole in her shirt was, singed, right over where her heart should be. Jane touched her face again, remembering the flash as the gun went off in her face. “He shot me. And took my badge. And shot me again.” Jane looked back sadly at the bodies she had lined up in a row, hand playing with the broken chain on her belt.

“It’s gone.”

The cigarette between Felix’s fingers shook. Blood was different than ash and he nearly laughed because, heck, now he had seen her in both. And there was so much of it. Most of it on her. Any wisecracks were left promptly at the door where he had forgone putting any socks on. If his feet hurt, he didn’t notice in the slightest. He sucked on his teeth as he looked at Jane. Concern twitched at the corners of his lips as he patted at his pockets. He was sure, so sure...He whipped out a clean handkerchief with a sigh of relief. Always keep a kerchief on hand, who had told him that? Rothstein? Or Luciano? In case of blood. The noise in his throat was as watery as a grave.

Roy Chambers. The mottled grass flattened under his steps and shadows wisped along his hand as he offered the kerchief to her. “Chambers did this? Shit.” Erin Nichols would need to know, but right then, he filed it away for a different sunset. He had known that Jane would die one day. Had from the moment he saw her and the bite she carried. Plenty of his friends, near and far, had fallen away to the earth as he continued on. It was the very nature of things. Some were born already dying. It made his head, his heart no less, hurt at the back and forth of life and death that some seemed to waver between. Bea, now Jane. Her car in the water had nearly scared him into daylight. Even with the carnage and the loss of life and the knowledge that Roy fucking Chambers, let alone strangers, were killing his friends, he couldn’t help but look at Jane with profound relief. The kind that emptied the lungs of smoke and air.

“We’ll get it back,” he said as he took his fading cigarette out from between his lips. “Hey, Jane?” His tone lacked the jovial tune he would have worn any other night. “You’re not gone though, huh?” Dark eyes glanced at the row of torn apart bodies and the blood Jane wore. “That’s something, right?”

She stared at the kerchief doubtfully as he handed it to her, and she gingerly picked it up between the thumb and forefinger, as if she was afraid of getting it dirty. Jane looked down at herself, at her once-stark white blouse stained a grimey rust color. She wasn’t sure what was her own blood, the victim's blood, or straight up dirt anymore, and she knew her face was even worse. Carefully though, she dabbed at her face. Felix knew who Chambers was -- of course Felix knew who Chambers was. That was a good thing. Right? She swallowed hard, keeping herself from looking back at the bodies for the upteenth time. “I went without backup,” Jane said, closing her eyes. She shut them hard, rubbing them tiredly. Jane knew she shouldn’t have gone without backup, and yet she did it anyway.

Somehow, though, she couldn’t stop thinking about that feeling before the pain sunk into her bones. The good feeling, the rush of dying she got before she actually died. She pressed her lips together, looking up at Felix as he told her they’d get it back. Doubtful, it was probably at the bottom of the lake along with her car. “No, I’m not gone.” Jane agreed. Not gone at all. And suddenly the weight of something hit her -

“I -”

Jane realized what it was. The weight of forever didn’t just go away with death. She stared at Felix, her eyes wide and she clutched the kerchief in her hand. “He took my - He took it. And I killed them.” Jane said. Her hands shook and she took a step towards him. “I need -” Her heart wasn’t beating. She was freaking out, but she couldn’t feel her heart beating. She couldn’t feel the blood pumping in her ears, and she couldn’t feel the rush of adrenaline the panic was supposed to give her. She couldn’t feel that anymore. The tears started without her realizing. “I need you to give me something.”

Felix rubbed the pad of his thumb and pointer finger together as he cherry picked through his thoughts. She went without backup. He wanted to snort. To grab her by her bloodied shoulders and ask why she’d do a thing like that. Wasn’t that against cop creed or something? Sure it was. If anyone knew what went against cop creed, it would have been the guy who actively laughed at it. Then there was a memory of an explosion and she had saved his life and jiminy, it was such a Jane thing to do, going without backup, that he scrubbed a hand over his face. Left his fingers to tap against his upper lip.

“Right, exactly, you’re not.” He lowered his hand to his side as he looked at her full of foolhardy earnestness that steadied him some. Fates, was he getting comfortable with comforting people that had died and came back? Not just people, the people closest to him? The thought of that being a reality roused a pulsing in his head that he tried to shake away. And as quickly as the thought came, it ran away into the woods somewhere as her eyes fell on him and an alarm sounded. He hated how his pulse jumped slightly as she moved towards him. Between the blood and the death, both hers and not, he was as shaken as a martini.

“Wu, hey. It’s alright, it’s gonna be alri--” It didn’t sound good enough to him and he changed course. “You didn’t mean to. He killed you and he dumped you out here.” The word spat out to the bloodied dirt as he said it. “You didn’t mean to kill ‘em, alright? It’s real crummy but you didn’t mean to, it ain’t like you, and it...it happens. It ain’t your fault that you were bit or that you were dumped out here to die alone like you’re nothing--which you’re not--or that these people happened along at the worst fucking time, but hey, ain’t that just life?” He was nearing breathlessness as weeks and months of not quite mourning but still close enough rushed out.

At her question, he finally met her watery eyes. Took in a breath to try and calm himself because hell, the both of them didn’t need to be having breakdowns next to some dead family.

“What d’you need, Jane?”

The shock of not being able to feel things like before blinded her to a lot of Felix’s words. There was supposed to be blood pounding in her ears as her heart raced. The adrenaline would move through her body until her knees shook. But there was nothing. That made sense, she had no blood anymore. No heartbeat. But the rush was gone too. She needed that rush. Why wasn’t it there? Panic consumed her - Jane wasn’t certain she had ever had a real panic attack before, but as her lungs expanded, she almost choked on her words as she stared at Felix with wide, wide eyes. Ain’t that just life? These people didn’t deserve to die. And maybe she fucked up by checking out her lead without backup but she certainly didn’t deserve to be dumped in the middle of the woods like she was nothing.

But she wasn’t nothing. Jane wasn’t nothing. She was here. She was here forever. She was going to be here forever. Jane back at Felix, her mouth dry. “I - it’s - I can’t stop.” Jane realized. Her hands were shaking. She was still clutching the kerchief like it was going to breathe some life into her. The dull softness of the fabric felt nice. She didn’t want to let it go. “Make it stop. Can you make it stop?”

Jane looked back to the bodies - to the pieces of family that she left behind. God, this was her fault. Roy dumped her here, but this was her fault. She started this. “How do I make it stop?” Jane asked, panicked. “How do I make them go away. Make it go away? What do I do? Felix, what do I do now?” Jane realized then she didn’t have a plan for what came next. She never had a plan for what came next, she just lived from adrenaline high to high and without that, all that was left was fear and guilt and regret.

“Please. Make it stop.”

It was the rarest of instances where Felix couldn’t shuffle word after word seamlessly. Splay them out neatly like a winning hand, a smile to match. Death was the deepest of silences. A place where words were snuffed out. And they were just that. Dried out on his tongue until he swallowed them back down until all he could do was look at Jane. Look at Jane and listen. Perhaps, he thought, that was the best thing to do. The right thing. As unnatural as it was to consider what was right and what was wrong. That was for the philosophers and he wasn’t one of those. It didn’t pay.

Her hand was frigid when he grabbed it with his own. He squeezed it tentatively. The fae knew he couldn’t squeeze any life back into her. Empty blood bag after blood bag, brain after brain, until the color came back to her skin. He didn’t know everything, no one did, but he knew that much. As he looked at her, he thought of Remmy. How they wanted the thoughts to stop, to go away. He didn’t consider himself much of a helper, not truly, but right then, he desperately wanted to be. Like he had been before. Maybe nature was malleable to a certain degree, he thought, as he squeezed Jane’s hand again.

“I can’t make it stop,” he admitted with a shake of his head. He dropped her hand, came to stand between her and the corpses she had made. Shadows made their way through false human skin and inhuman eyes looked at Jane. Two dim lights that blinked at her slowly. As if his shadow might overtake the great dark behind him. “But I can help it go away, Jane. For a little bit at least. I’ve got something for that whenever you need it.” The corner of his mouth lifted some. Felix usually did have something, one way or the other. As soon as Jane had told him that she died, he had hunted for the right thing before he stumbled out the door. “Not here though, alright?” He glanced back at the evisceration. “You don’t gotta take care of this but if you want to, I’ll help, alright?”

God, what was Jane supposed to do now? These people would disappear, join the absurd stack of cold missing persons cases in the WCPD… Another mistake, though she supposed this time it wouldn’t go on her record even if it had cost other people their lives. No - stop that. Jane swallowed hard as she, as gently as she could, squeezed Felix’s hand back.

Felix couldn't make it stop right now, but he could give her something later. So she had to make it stop right now. Jane forced herself to remember what to do when she had to defuse a situation. Except she was the situation. She forced herself to take deep breaths, though she noticed that she didn't really need them. Her lungs expanded only because she forced them. It was still a feeling, though. Something to focus on as she stared into the shadows. Somehow, it was better, watching Felix’s shadows come, forming a barrier between her and what she had done. The death she made. She didn’t have to look at it. No one had to look at it anymore, for now, at least. She looked into Felix, into the light in his eyes.

“Felix, I…” Her voice softened from the hard panic it was moments before. Jane wasn’t sure what to say now. What she could say to make this better. “You’re my oldest friend.” She said finally. The truth of the matter. They were friends. Somewhere along the way -- the arresting attempts, the drugs, the years of knowing each other had made them that. And he was the only one she had kept. Her head tilted to the side slightly, the tears brimming her eyes as the cool breeze of the night just barely chilled her skin. “We should get to work.” She fiddled with the broken chain on her belt again, still feeling like a part of her was missing. Jane took a few more deep breaths, feeling her chest contract and expand as she shook her head.

“The fact that you came - after everything - means a lot. You know that, right?” She sniffed miserably. “Especially since I’ll owe you another bathrobe after this.” It was a half joke, and all she could manage. Jane gave him a watery, grateful half smile as she gently used the kerchief to dab at her wet eyes, before saying, “I’m sorry.”

It shouldn’t have been as fascinating as it was. How much weight humans could put into the loss of other human life. Death was a natural end. It was the bridge they all crossed. Some quicker or slower than others. Felix supposed it was different if they were the ones that caused it and Jane...She couldn’t help it, that much he knew. But somehow, through shadow and blood, a different kind of help might be found. The shadows wisped off him like campfire smoke as he looked at Jane.

“Geez, Jane, you calling me old? That smarts. I’m young for a shadow deer, you know,” he said, a quiet attempt at humor. But he understood what she meant. Straight through to the heart of it. “Listen, I just...I’m real glad to be your friend. I want you to know that. I mean, I wouldn’t tolerate just anyone else trying to arrest me after all these years.” He found strength in his words, his oldest friends, and intended for them to lend some to her. Because heck, she needed it and he wasn’t going anywhere for a long time. As it stood, neither was she and he tried not to smile at that. It didn’t seem like the place for it, even if the corner of his mouth curved up slightly.

“You saved my life, Jane, it’s only fair that I help you,” he said to her as he tilted his head. “Heck, it’s not even about that.” His brows drew in. They could stand there and talk about what it meant but there were bodies rotting behind them and blood coagulating. He huffed a laugh and shook his head. Pulled at the sleeve of his bathrobe as if to say oh, this old thing? “Sorry about what? The only sorry thing is that shirt of yours. It’s a mess.” He winked at her. But she was right. It was as good a time as any to get to work. It had been a cool minute since he had to hide a body but surely it was just like getting back on a bicycle. He turned towards the line of bodies with his hands loose on his hips. “What’d you wanna do with ‘em, Jane? Bury them?”

Jane stared at Felix for a long time -- too long -- before the ghost of a grin flashed across her face. “And I don’t just offer handcuffs to every criminal I pass by on the street.” This wasn’t funny and none of this was okay and if Jane thought too hard, she could see a flash of a gun go off. It might not be okay for a long time, Jane knew. Maybe forever. But she had forever to figure out her feelings now, didn’t she? And maybe she didn’t need to be okay right now. Felix was here to help her, for now. And that was good enough for her. Good enough to chase away the horrible thoughts and feelings. They would linger much like the shadows floating out of Felix’s skin, but they could be controlled. She could be controlled.

She reached for him then, the tips of her fingers lightly tapping his shoulder. “You don’t get to come back, you know.” Jane said it before, but the weight of it somehow hadn’t been as heavy as it was now. Felix’s mistakes were permanent, and she didn’t know if she could handle losing a friend like him. Her mistake -- the one with Roy -- was not. She saw the flash of a gun in her face again, and it took her a moment to blink the image away. To reorient herself. Jane’s head tilted to the side slightly, and she glanced down at herself, touching the filthy fabric of her blouse. “Well, it was a bitch to get stains out of anyway.”

Her voice grew distant as she thought about the matter at hand. What did she want to do with the bodies? She pressed her lips together, before nodding once. “Burying them seems right. Deep in the ground, so the animals can’t get them.”

The fae wondered if he tried to bring light too quickly. That wasn’t Felix’s forte and his mouth twisted into a frown but then Jane smiled and he breathed again. It was good to see her smile again, even through the blood and grime. There was a good chance it was wrong to laugh in front of a few corpses but much like light, right and wrong was something swaddled in obscurity as far as he was concerned. It was something he decided on for himself, not old words or people. Jane was his friend. “Oh thank the fates, that’ll help me sleep better during the day.” He said it dryly with a mock roll of his eyes, a nervous laugh in his mouth. “I was getting real worried that you might be two-timing me.”

The mood shifted again and for a moment, his shadows stilled as he looped his thumbs around each other. “I know,” he said softly as Jane tapped at him. Didn’t he just? No amount of blood or bone could bring him back from where he went when the time came. It just wasn’t how he was made. Even shadows had to leave. He didn’t want to think about that and he shook his antlered head. “But we don’t gotta think about that for a while, I still got a few good centuries in me! And you do too.”

At Jane’s words, he started to move. “Right, okay. The car I momentarily borrowed might have one of those foldy safety shovels? I’ll be right back, alright? I ain’t leaving you behind or nothing.” He went and came back by shadow quickly, small shovel in hand as he reappeared before Jane. His voice dropped again as he put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, if you wanna stay somewhere, my place is yours. I’ll just let Bea know. I don’t think she’ll mind. I got a feeling that this kinda thing is something she’d be real understanding about.” Probably more than expected, honestly, but that was something for Bea to share if she wanted. The last time they had met had gone well and his heart warmed at the thought of it. Granted the circumstances were wildly different. His bare eyes looked at her, his expression as earnest as his voice. As he looked at Jane and heard gunfire, thought of Pat’s Place and the bitterness of poison, his shadows shifted around his inhuman form almost violently. “It’ll be okay, Jane. Maybe not right now or heck, even this year, but it will be.”

At least the laughter was there, even if a little forced. The wry grin on Jane’s face even felt a little genuine. He was wrong, though. She didn’t just have a few good centuries left in her, she had more than that. For a moment, the weight of forever was back on her shoulders and she couldn’t breathe. What would she do when Felix was gone? And what about Marley? Her father? Sister and brother? People that lay in the back of her mind that she told herself she had forgotten were flashing through her mind, and for a second she forgot how to breathe. Would Felix fear the end when the time came? Would it hurt like it had for her? But Felix was right. It was foolish to think about that now. She forced air to enter her lungs again and her mind was still.

He was gone and back before she could even register where he had gone at all. His hand felt light on her shoulder as she pulled her gaze from the headless corpse. Staring at the carnage wasn’t good for her, it almost made her hungry again. She looked at Felix, eyebrows knitting together. “As long as you’re sure she won’t mind. I like Bea,” Jane said, giving him a small smile. She had been awfully kind when they all ran into each other in the middle of the woods. Jane looked at him, and for a moment she felt like she was going to start to sob. Not right now, not this year, or maybe even ever. “I know,” Jane said back, quietly.

The world would keep on turning with or without her anyway. With or without anyone, really. Jane took the shovel from Felix’s hand and looked back at the corpses. The world would miss Albert and his family, but it would move on. Jane could move on. But right now, there was work to be done, bodies to bury, and a death to forget. In a few hours time, the sun would rise, and she would begin the first day of the rest of her life. The first day of forever.

#wickedswriting #para #para felix #felix #each dawn i die #addiction mention tw

[thewhumperinwhite]

Café: Cottage

Previous: Teaser 1, Teaser 2, Hospital/Squad Car, Empty Bar, Used Car Lot 1, Used Car Lot 2, Gas Station, Roadside 1, Roadside 2, Forest, Treetops

Ngl, this one..... genuinely hurt my heart.

TW for: illness/fever, referenced murder of a child (she was a zombie but that still is very much what happened), Sharing A House With A Corpse, panic attack, hallucination, heavily implied past abuse, past suicide attempt, nonsexual nudity, serious PTSD flashback, survivor unintentionally triggered while receiving medical help. I hope that’s everything but please ask if you need anything else tagged.

@whumpitywhumpwhump

Sol stops at the door of the little house so fast he almost drops Kent on his ass; Kent whines sleepily in his ear.

“Oh my god,” he says, staring at Pax in absolute horror. “That’s— are you a fucking sociopath, dude? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The one remaining mark in Pax’s favor is that at least they don’t look happy about it, either. “What?” they say, sounding harried. “This is the only house we knew for sure would be out here, and her tracks were pretty easy to follow, it just makes—”

“I am not going in there. We are not looting the house of the little girl we,” he drops his voice, even though he knows that’s stupid, “fucking murdered!”

Pax bristles, their hand already on the door handle. “It’s not—” They visibly force themself to relax. “First of all, it’s not looting if everyone who needs it is dead, don’t be a fucking narc. Second of all, it’s not looting if we need it more than they do, and your boyfriend needs whatever they’ve got, baby.”

Sol laughs hysterically. “Kent will literally die before he takes medicine we stole from that little girl’s house,” he says with complete conviction.

Pax has been facing the door, and now he turns back to Sol and raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t doubt that he will, yeah,” Pax says. “You planning on letting him?”

Sol shift’s Kent’s too-insignificant weight on his back. Kent makes a very quiet sleepy groan in his ear.

“Ugh, fuck,” Sol says. “Fine.” Pax nods and opens the front door of the house in the woods from which Leah the Dead Girl came. They take a step inside and go rigid, but then give themself a shake and keep going.

Sol, wanting to do literally anything else, sticks his head in the door and looks around, and immediately stumbles sideways. The door opens onto the living room, and there is a dead man sprawled on the floor in front of the tv with the top of his head blown off.

“Jesus!” Sol yells, and Kent flinches against his back, gasping quietly. “What the fuck, Pax!”

Pax is trying doors off the hallway and does not look back at Sol, or the mangled corpse, either. “I didn’t fucking put it there,” they snap. “That must be dear ol’ dad.”

Sol stares at the dead man. The room smells like blood, but nothing else, yet. Must be— must be new. God.

“Oh, thank fuck. Come on,” Pax calls from the end of the hall, and Sol holds Kent’s legs securely and scurries gratefully after them. “Master with an ensuite. Jesus loves us after all.”

The bedroom is small but blessedly free of corpses. Sol kicks the door shut behind him like that will somehow help him forget there is a dead body in this house.

He backs up to the bed, and crouches so Kent will be close to it, and turns his head, tapping Kent’s arm gently.

“Hey,” he says softly. “We’re here, buddy, you can get off now.”

Kent blinks slowly, his eyes unfocused, and exhales a slow, hot breath into Sol’s ear, and then carefully unwinds his arms from around Sol’s shoulders, and Sol lowers him onto the bed. Sol turns back to him, standing quicker than he means to without Kent’s weight.

The second Sol isn’t holding him up Kent sags sideways, so completely limp that Sol has to grab his shoulders to keep him from falling right off the side of the bed. His head lolls forward like a puppet with its strings cut.

Sol drops to his knees in front of the bed, reaching for Kent’s forehead, which is bone-dry and hot as a pavement under the summer sun.

“Pax,” Sol says, his voice coming out high and scared, and cups his hand on Kent’s burning cheek, resisting the urge to try and shake him awake. Kent’s eyelids flutter weakly.

“Dnnwa— don’ wnnn,” Kent mumbles, his brow furrowing.

“Paxon,” Sol cries, “he’s— “

Paxon appears at his side holding a damp cloth and an oral thermometer. “Yeah, I heard,” he says, sliding the thermometer into Kent’s mouth and holding his jaw. Kent’s frown deepens and he makes a protesting noise, and Paxon leans forward and says, “don’t spit that out,” in a deep, commanding voice. Kent immediately goes completely still.

After a second Sol realizes that Kent is holding his breath.

He leaps up to sit on the bed next to Kent and wraps his arm around Kent’s narrow waist; Kent is a full head taller than him but immediately leans into him like a little boy, grabbing a weak fistful of Sol’s wet shirt. Sol hesitates, and then reaches up with his other hand to stroke Kent’s hair; Kent shivers.

“Kent,” Sol says, trying to remember the utter calm of Kent’s voice when he was first talking to the little girl who used to live in this house. “Breathe through your nose, buddy, come on.”

Kent takes a deep, shuddering breath in. Pax, still kneeling in front of him on the floor, holding Kent’s chin, darts their eyes over to Sol for a second, looking deeply troubled, and then frowns back into Kent’s face.

There’s nothing else to do, so Sol scratches Kent’s scalp lightly and counts the thermometer’s beeps. Pax is completely still, watching Kent’s face with intense focus. Kent trembles and doesn’t open his eyes, but when Sol tightens his arm around his waist and reminds him again, he does keep breathing.

The thermometer goes off after what must be seconds but feels like several years, and when Pax pulls it out of Kent’s mouth Kent sags against Sol’s side, and then turns to hide his face against Sol’s shirt, and Sol realizes with a start that he’s crying. 

“That was good, Kent,” Pax says, and Kent shivers against Sol’s chest. Pax looks down at the thermometer’s display, and pales slightly. “Fuck. Okay. Hold on.” They get to their feet and whirl back to the bathroom to rummage through the cupboards some more.

Sol doesn’t pick up the thermometer when they drop it; the specific number is deeply not worth letting go of Kent at this stage. Kent is pressing his head against Sol’s chest, making his tall body as small as possible, and he’s breathing hard, his arms around Sol’s waist. Sol tightens his own arm around Kent’s waist, and Kent’s breath hitches, becoming more like sobbing.

“Hey,” Sol says, desperately. “Kent, it’s okay, it’s— we’re gonna take care of you. Can you relax for me a little bit, buddy?”

Kent shudders violently, and he folds over completely until his forehead is resting on Sol’s thigh; Sol freezes, baffled. Sol can feel his breath because it’s shaking his whole body, and it’s—it might be words, but Sol can’t understand what they are. He bends down to hear better, moving his hand on Kent’s back in what he hopes are soothing circles.

“Sorry,” Kent is saying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“Okay,” Pax says with forced briskness, striding out of the bathroom. “These should bring his fever down, assuming we can actually get him to— um.” Pax blinks down at Kent, shivering mostly in Sol’s lap, and for a second they look genuinely distressed. “Uh, okay, sit him up, I’m gonna see if I can get him to take these. Hold this.” Pax helps Sol pull Kent upright— though it isn’t hard, he’s limp as a ragdoll— and Sol gets sort of awkwardly behind him to hold him up, supporting the back of his head with one hand, and holding the glass of water Pax hands him with the other. “Kent,” Pax says. Sol’s brain is trying to squirrel away in a thousand directions so it notes that this is the first time he’s heard Pax say Kent’s actual name. “I’m gonna give you two of these, and I need you to swallow them, okay?”

Kent’s eyes open, finally, though they’re bright and reflective as glass, and he shakes his head, his hands opening and closing uselessly in his lap.

“I— Donn’ wwant—”

“Kent,” Sol says in his gentlest voice. “It’s medicine, baby, okay? Will you please take it?”

Kent swings his head unsteadily around to look at Sol. There are big full tears rolling down his cheeks and he looks like Sol has just told him to step in front of a firing squad; even knowing he’s telling the truth it’s still a look that sinks in Sol’s stomach like lead. Then Kent looks back at Pax and finally nods miserably and opens his mouth.

Pax slips a tab of aspirin onto Kent’s tongue and Sol holds the glass up to his lips and Kent swallows obediently, closing his eyes and shuddering. By the time he’s swallowed the second one his silent tears have turned into big hiccupping sobs. Sol— hates this, maybe more than he’s ever hated anything his whole life.

“Jesus,” Pax says, getting shakily to his feet; it’s an understatement but one Sol thoroughly endorses. “I’m gonna run him a bath. Try to get him to finish that water.” They back away, running a hand through their hair, which is beginning to fall loose around their shoulders now. “Christ.”

Sol watches them trudge into the bathroom and kneel next to the tub, to give himself a second to take a deep breath. Kent hasn’t tried to move away, is still leaning against Sol’s side and crying great wracking sobs. Sol hesitates and then very carefully puts his hand under Kent’s chin and tips his chin up so he isn’t hiding his face against Sol’s shirt anymore. Kent lets him, but his eyes are unfocused and he clearly isn’t seeing Sol.

“Kent,” Sol says. “Can you look at me, honey?”

Kent blinks slowly, his long eyelashes heavy with tears, and exhales, his brows pulling slowly into a confused frown, like he’s thinking very hard. “Wh...ere...?” he says in a small voice. “Don’t... I don’t— “

“Okay,” Pax calls from the bathroom. “The bath is ready. Do you need help getting him in?”

Kent goes completely rigid in Sol’s arms, his eyes flying wide; he stares forward toward Pax’s voice, his eyes still blank and unseeing. “No,” he says, grabbing a handful of Sol’s jacket, his trembling turning into huge shudders running down his whole body. “No, please d— I can, I can be better, I’m sorry, please don’t— “

“Kent,” Sol says, alarmed, “Kent, it’s fine, what’s—Kent!”

Kent turns back to Sol, desperate, still not seeing him. “I’m sorry,” he says, the words coming so fast Sol almost can’t understand them. “Chase, tell him, tell him I’m sorry, please don’t let him, Chase, please—”

He grabs for Sol’s arms and Sol lets him, searching his face for any shred of recognition, but there’s nothing. “Kent, that’s not— that’s not me, baby, I don’t know who you’re—” Kent whines in the back of his throat, a horrible trapped-animal sound, and lets his head flop forward onto Sol’s chest. “Pax, what’s— what is he—?”

Pax, standing in the bathroom doorway, shakes his head helplessly. “I don’t— I don’t know. Just— here, get his shoulders and I’ll get his legs.”

“No!” Kent wails, and tries to pull back from Sol, but he’s so unsteady Sol has to grab him by the coat collar to keep him from falling off the bed. “No, fa—father, daddy, please, I’m sorry—”

“Kent, it’s okay, we’re not gonna hurt you,” Sol says desperately, but Pax just picks up Kent’s feet, ignoring his weak and uncoordinated attempts at shaking them off.

“He’s not hearing you,” they say grimly. “Best way we can help him is to get his fever down. Help me get him in the bathroom, at least, and we’ll—” They falter, and then square their shoulders and keep moving. “We’ll get his clothes off and cool him down.”

Kent thrashes in Sol’s grip but it’s distressingly easy to hold him. “God,” he moans. “Do we fucking have to, that’s— that’s—”

“You don’t want him in wet clothes, man,” Pax says. “Here—careful—lay him down here first. Help me with his coat.” Sol stares at Pax, feeling his own eyes burn. Pax looks at him, their face softening. “I know, man. But you can apologize when he’s lucid.”

Kent doesn’t resist, and that’s— much worse, but it does mean that he’s in the bath within five incredibly terrible minutes, his head back and his eyes squeezed shut, every muscle visibly pulled as tight as it will go.

“For god’s sake, sunshine,” Pax says, leaning back against the side of the toilet. “The point is to calm you down. Take a deep fucking breath.”

“I’m sorry,” Kent whispers. “I’m sorry, I’ll— please don’t put my head under. Please don’t, daddy, I don’t think I can—”

Sol, kneeling next to the tub, grabs his hand where it’s dangling limply over the side of the tub, squeezes it in both of his. “Kent,” he says, horrified, “Kent, we’re not— we were never going to do that, Jesus Christ.” Kent squeezes weakly back.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “Thank you, thank you, I won’t do it again I promise, daddy, I promise.”

Sol holds onto Kent’s hand, not looking at Pax. The scars on Kent’s wrists reach halfway up to his elbow, one vertical line on each arm crossed with two horizontal ones. The adrenaline that’s been powering him through since they first came in the front door is running out and Sol lowers his head to rest against Kent’s hand, exhausted.

“We’re not gonna hurt you, baby,” he says, knowing Kent won’t hear him. He’ll say it again when Kent is in the room with him instead of whatever terrible place he’s lost in now. “That’s a fucking promise.”

#whump #original whump #the café at the end of the world #fever #sickfic #delirious #flashback #begging #resisting care #past suicide attempt #scars #past abuse

[elmaxlys]

Just an anxious ramble

Again with the surgery, feel free to ignore, esp if you don’t like medical stuff and explicit description of panic attack because the post is heavy on that

So yeah, I get anxious really easily and I was a nervous wreck for the past week in anticipation of today and with [see last post] I just really got it real bad today regarding anxiety. (if you’re reading this, thanks again Choco for rationalizing my thoughts last night, it was super helpful and reassuring and hhhh)

I had to wait 2h30 in the room before they got to me so I got to calm most of my visible nerves and just day dreamed and stressed about the Jenny aspect of things but then this really cute nurse talked to me as we went and he helped calm down a big deal of my nerves but I’m still an anxious wreck and thank god we have masks on because it attenuated the hospital smell (which is really really stress inducing to me). Then bam he ditches me because I gotta go in the proper waiting room and he has stuff to do so yea i get on the bed, they take the tension and stuff, I get complimented on my nails (nurses and nails is a heartbreaking love story if you want my opinion) and she asks if I’m nervous. I say yes, really so, and she tells me “you don’t look like it!” 

Thanks, I have experience masking it.

Then I have to wait for a while for the surgeon and anxiety spike!! I’m starting to feel really really sick in the stomach. Not the one I had until now that I could ignore because well that’s usual. I can’t move and I’m alone and I hear nurses laugh in the corridors and I’m feeling the panic grow.

Then I get in the block. Reassuring and gentle people, they’re very nice, they give me the gas, I start seeing blurry and-

I have a nightmare. Really bad. I don’t remember it thank lord but I was crying in the dream.

I wake up crying and shaking. I’m half conscious by then. The nurses are moving me beds so I can wait in the waking room and one of the nurse is trying to keep me conscious enough so I can, you know, move beds. Another comments on how she’s never seen someone cry that much as they wake up from anesthesia - another answers that “oh some laugh, some cry, really it depends”. I try to reach for something to grip, I need to hold something and i know, by god, i know there’s a hand right there i gotta grab it i gotta

but I lose consciousness again

When I properly wake up, I’m having a full blown panic attack. Like, i don’t know if I woke up from the panic attack of if i just happened to wake up in the middle of one i had while asleep but yeah - i hear a nurse in the distance ask for the time and another one jokes saying it’s the same time as it was yesterday and i don’t laugh like i usually would hearing something like that and then i hear it’s 10h52 - in any case i can’t breathe, i’m having a coughing fit, my throat, my chest and my head hurt like hell, i don’t have my glasses so everything is blurry, my hand is painfully empty and i try to grab something anything and there’s just flimsy and thin covers and the tears are making my face itchy and are blocking my nose so i can breathe even less and i can’t think i can’t think

a nurse is by my side, telling me it’s okay, it can happen if people are nervous before the anesthesia, I’m alright now everything went well. I nod but my whole body is shaking (really badly so) and my sobs are so loud and painful. i gasp for air but theres none and the nurse is still talking and i can barely hears what she says and she’s telling me to calm my breathing. Breathe deeply, she says. Completely empty your lungs and then take as much air as you can. I’m trying but despite knowing better from previous experience, i feel like my lungs are already empty - and also there’s no air around tf she’s talking about. But her words reminded me of the first (that i remember of) panic attack i ever had and oh boy that doesn’t help.

Just like back then, my vision goes black (unless i closed my eyes, that time. I wasn’t conscious enough to be sure now) and my breathing is so ragged i want to get up and run but there are stuff planted in my skin and the covers are so tight on me and there are barriers on each side of the bed. Plus my head is spinning as much as when i get a pretty bad migraine episode and my legs are still having spasms and the nurse isn’t there anymore i’m not sure i lost consciousness or she got called elsewhere and i didn’t hear but yeah i’m all alone i want Poilu, I want my dad but my lips are swollen and i still can’t feel half of them so i can’t even whimper it. 

My mask slips under my nose. I try to put it in place but one of my hands is safely tucked away (it’s the one with the pipes in it) and i can’t bend the other one because of the tension apparel. A nurse puts it back in passing and tells me off about it. i apologize i couldn’t put it back in place, she sees my general state, says it’s okay and goes back to her business.

However, attempting to move my arm made the tension thing slip down and bam starts swelling up on the near-wrist part of my arm, no idea how it’s called in english - and boom, i’m screaming again. I can’t stand it it’s painful and it hurts and oh my god i’m going to lose my hand and oh my god i need it it’s the right one!! and oh my god someone is gripping me i need to get away i need to get away and- 

coughing fit. there’s acid in my mouth. I know if it goes on i’ll puke so instead of taking the deep recommended breaths, I decided to stop breathing all together. It works until i have to breathe again then bam new tears new throat and chest pain, new coughing fit. I need to blow my nose but theres no tissure around and my mask is slipping again but i manage to put it in place and secure it there and I want Poilu. I want the both of them, one in my hand the other one on my face and okay keep thinking about Poilu, it eases it it eases it it eases it and i’m calmer now.

My whole body is still shaking, I’m still having violent sobs from time to time and my body is more tense than (okay i have no idea how to continue that comparison but i’m very very tense and i’m pretty sure my muscles are going to ache tomorrow). I’m calmer, i registered where i am. There’s still no one around but i’m calm enough to turn my head and actually focus my eyes to look. I’m in the waking room, I have 4 teeth less and there’s a few persons in beds a bit farther in the room. I’m starting to feel really really guilty about my panic being so loud but i literally couldn’t stop my body but now i’m trying even more to stay quiet. I can breathe a bit, I’m taking careful tiny breaths. My head feels clear, despite my body still throwing a fit

then bam the tension machine goes off. And i lose my clarity again. Then regain it?

then some time later it goes off again and it’s the same thing over and over again until my leg stops shaking and the nurse takes me back to my room.

The nurses say a chaotic wake up is normal if stressed and all in all i recovered rather fast but geez it still hurts

#i needed to get it off i'm sorry #anxiety #panic attack tw #hospital tw #surgery tw #ask to tag #there's a read more but yeah feel free to ask nonetheless #if you rb I will eat your toes and spit them right back in your throat then watch you choke on them #also i don't want to talk about it yet so pls don't message me about it

[thirsty-pixie]

To Hell and Back

Dean x Reader

Summary:

Reader is dating dean before he goes to hell the reader sold her soul to save her dad and meets up with dean after the hell hounds came to fetch her soul

Pain shot through my body and the knife cut into the sensitive skin on my stomach. "Please I cant" I screamed in agony as salt was pressed violently into the fresh cuts. The pain intensified as a hot blade pressed against my thigh, tears poured from my eyes the pain from my heart breaking was worse than the physical pain being inflicted on me.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

I stood in front of the demon my chest heavy with anxiety "You'll get 10 years then your soul is mine" the demon said again pulling me out of my panicked thoughts. "Okay let's do it. Where do I sign." I took a step forward and the demon smiled. "My deals are signed with a kiss"

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

"Sammy behind you" I shouted at Sam who moved just in time dodging the vampire dove at him. Dean swung his axe severing the head of the vampire with a grunt, "is that all of the?" Dean huffed as he set the head of the axe down on the barn floor. I nodded letting out a relieved laugh.

I started hunting with Sam and Dean after I made the deal with the crossroads demon to cure my father of stage 4 cancer. He was all I had left but I got screwed his cancer was gone but he got possessed by a demon and got killed during an exorcism. After that I started hunting I was a huge amateur at it but I tried my hardest. That's when I met the winchesters they were working on a case in a small town I was hunting in. They showed up in the diner dressed up like FBI agents asking the waitress questions about the murders.

All seemed normal until they started asking about cold spots or strange smells, I knew then that these two weren't FBI agents. They finished questioning the waitress and headed out to their car, I dropped 20 bucks down for my breakfast and followed them out. "So you boys are investigating the murders" I smiled walking up to the Impala they were leaning against. The shorter one pulled out his badge "yeah we're sent from the bur- " I held up my had to stop him "look I know what you actually are" I turn pulling my leather jacket off my shoulder to show them my tattoo to protect me from possession.

"I was 18 when my father died.... he was killed during an exorcism. I've been hunting ever since." I took a sip of my beer and set it back on the table. Sam shook his head and gave me a look of sympathy "You've been hunting alone for 3 years". I shrugged "yeah I don't know much only how to kill a vamp and exorcise a demon" Dean shook his head and laughed you're gonna need to learn a lot more than that."

And with that I became the plus one to the Winchesters boys, Sammy treated me like his little sister but Dean was different. One night we were traveling to a new city to work a case of possible zombies, Sam was asleep in the back seat leaving Dean and I awake in the front seat to entertain eachother. "I spy something grey" I smiled looking at Dean he looked around "mmm let me guess the moon" his tone was sarcastic as he spoke. "Loser. Hey can we stop at the gas station I gotta pee" we pulled into the gas station "Are we there already" Sam sat up rubbing his eyes "Nah man stopping to pee and fuel up" Dean said shutting off the car. I went inside first as dean began to fuel up. There was no line for the girls room but there was 5 people waiting for the mens room. I was in and out quick returning to the impala to chat with Dean.

I leaned against baby smiling at Dean who was talking about one of his hunting stories from when he was with his dad. We were waiting for Sam to use the bathroom and Dean to finish fueling up before we left. Dean kept getting closer as he talked till we were standing inches from each other. I laughed nervously looking up at Dean, I bit my lip slightly not realizing it. His eyes looked down to my lips then back to my eyes before he grabbed the back of my neck pulling me in. Our lips crashed together in a frenzy of passion and hunger, my heart was pounding out of my chest his free hand found it's way to my hip pulling me closer. Our kiss was cut short by the click of the gas pump telling is the tank was full. We kept our relationship quiet for as long as we could but everything comes out eventually.

Dean lay on the ground the hell hound had come for his soul, sobbing I pulled his lifeless body onto my lap. "DEAN. No you can't you asshole" I held him close as Sam tried to pull me off "Y/N he's gone" I pushed Sam away screaming "NO he's coming back! Hes not gone"

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

I woke up and whimpered I had passed out from shock, I pulled against the chains that restrained me. I heard the familiar footsteps followed by the keys opening my cell door, Dean stepped in grabbing my arm and yanking me to my feet. "Dean please" I tried to beg him to let me be but he ignored me his eyes were glossy as if he were going to cry. I had been in hell for what felt like 10 years and their idea of torture was to have the love of my life hurt me in ways that would make a cereal killer flinch. Dean was ruthless as he tortured me but nothing he could do to me could hurt more that the feeling of my heart breaking.

I trusted Dean. He enjoyed this, I was pulled out of my thoughts by a sharp pain from my leg. I looked down at my leg that had been twisted to a discusting angle, Dean had broken my leg with his bare hands. "DEAN! I know you're still in there. Please" I cried out in attempt to waver his actions only to receive a blow to the face with the blunt end of a knife. Hes enjoying this, "Dean please I love you I cant take it anymore. I'm begging you" tears and blood streaked down my face. Dean's expression softened a little showing the slightest bit of sadness.

Suddenly the room lit up a bright white light, I felt something grab onto me and pull me up.

I opened my eyes and all I could see was darkness and wood. Screaming I pounded against the wood in attempt to escape, Dean had used my greatest fear against me. One that I had told him to never tell anyone. "Hold on Y/N" I heard a muffled voice yelling followed by the sound of a shovel cutting through dirt. I had passed out from a panic attack before Dean had got to me, he pulled me out of my grave and held me close memories of the horrible thing he had done to me.

"Wake up please. I'm so sorry" he moves my hair out of my face kissing me several times in attempt to wake me. "I'm so sorry I love you so much" a tear landed on my cheek making me flinch causing me to wake up. I opened my eyes to see the love of my life the reason for my heartbreak staring down at me. I squealed and backed away falling backwards into my grave. "Stay away please. No more. No more." I put my hands up to shield myself from more pain. Dean looked at his hands that were shaking from anger, he had done this his actions caused you to cower away from him.

Dean slid down into the hole in from of my and gently pulled me to him. He hugged me rubbing my back "I'm so fucking sorry.... I don't expect you to forgive me. I love you" he kissed the top of my head his breathing was shakey hinting to the fact that he was trying not to cry. I had gave in to full blown sobbing in his arms we sat there in that grave for what seemed like hours before Dean spoke. "We need to go get out of here and get ahold of Sammy" I looked up at Dean whose eyes were overcome with sadness "you're right.... I love you Dean."...... "I love you too Y/N"

#dean x y/n #dean #sam and dean #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester imagine #supernatural imagine #supernatural #spn #hell #evile dean #demon dean

[decayisart-blog]

My psychotic episode

I want to open up about my experience during psychosis. I’m not particularly good at writing. So I’m just going to say it how it was.

It first started with lack of concentration and slow deterioration in ability to look after myself such as hygiene and doing basic household chores such as laundry and not needing to eat (I lost 2 stone and was underweight) I could no longer even focus on TV or film or a book let alone my studies and eventually led to my dismissal at university. But first I sent an alarming email to my professor that I was not myself. He told me to take a break. 

I couldn’t withhold basic information, I felt like I was becoming stupider as the days went on. I started to become more and more withdrawn. I started to think I was talking outside my head like everyone could hear my thoughts read my mind and were responding to my thoughts. I also began to experience increased agitation. I also experienced sleeping a lot and then this gradually got less and less. 

Then it hit full storm. I took an overdose to stop it all which led to an overnight stay at the hospital and was later discharged. I then experienced complete insomnia and was lucky to even get an hour or two of sleep. I was having extreme anxiety and felt like my body was not my own like something big was going to happen. Someone else was controlling me. My boyfriend tried to kill me with the paracetomol I tried to kill myself with, he gave me extra (the doctors told me there was more in my system than I told them about which led me to believe my boyfriend tried to kill me) and also a pillow when I fell asleep which he tried to suffocate me with. I woke up feeling disorientated which led me to believe he drugged me. 

I started throwing things against the wall in the room next door. I shut myself completely away from my boyfriend and his son who both stayed in the room next to me. I constantly was hearing them talk about me laughing at me mocking me and I wanted them to shut up. I then started to see a psychiatrist at this point however they just put it down to early warning signs of psychosis and did nothing to treat it.

Then I had what I still think was a stroke. I had an excruciating headache above anything I’ve ever experienced. Like an icepick that burned my head through my scalp into my brain. It was blinding. It lasted just 20 seconds or so and then I was on my phone to my sister when I started to slur my words and then I couldn’t form sentences. I started to talk baby “ga ga baba ba ba ba” eventually the sound ba was the only sound I could make . My left side of my face went numb.  Then I proceeded to have a fit. My entire body just started to seize. This lasted just a few minutes. And then I was fine. But when I stood up I fell to the ground. I couldn’t move my legs. I crawled out the door (i was home alone at the time) and cried for help.

Ambulance team arrived and the man that came to my rescue thought I was a drug abuser. But I got an appointment with my psychiatric hospital and my sister came to pick me up and took me there. I was stuttering the entire time on the way there in absolute fear wondering what was happening to me. I’m still convinced I had a TIA but they all say it was the psychosis. 

I got emergency sectioned. When I was in hospital I was hearing full blown conversations that weren’t actually happening. Most were bad but on one occasion it was good but it was just really bizarre conversations. As though I was dreaming but wide awake. I was hallucinating my boyfriend speaking to a nurse. “She thinks its schizophrenia” it’s like my subconscious knew what was happening to me. Other times it was nurses speaking about me when they weren’t. I often confronted them about it angrily and they had no idea what I was talking about.

I then started to think that they were conspiring against me. I was pregnant and they were giving me drugs to give me an abortion. I have cerebral palsy they  and I had a tumour. I also started hearing phones ringing when there was no phones ringing. I thought my thoughts were not my own that I was my boyfriend. At one point my boyfriend gave me a book and I hallucinated that the cover said “You love your sister, but should you really trust her?” And at this point I was already struggling with knowing who to trust because of  my psychosis and this sent me into a massive panic attack. I threw it across the room and pressed my alarm and the nurses came running to see me in a complete state.  

Then over the course of 6 months I gradually got better. It took 5 months and for a long time after I still thought everyone was reading my thoughts and mocking me but eventually it subsided and I came back to my usual self. It took a long while to get my communication back. I stopped appearing so flat (I was flat for a long time during my episode ) and my motivation came back as well.

 So far I’ve not relapsed again! I didn’t want to ramble much further as I’ve already talked so much so I’ll just cut it short but. The diagnosis is psychotic depression because I tried to kill myself but honestly I don’t think that’s an accurate fit but who am I to diagnose it must be correct. They were questioning schizoaffective disorder which fitted me much better but. Heyho. This is my story. If you read all of this thank you for reading.

#diary #psychosis #psychotic depression #actually psychotic #psychiatric hospital #schizoaffective

[rose-of-gabriel]

Pause (chapter 5 (but really it’s 6))

Thank you all for being patient with this update. @onceuponthenightmares, have you seen the finale yet???? Get on it!

Ao3 link 

For the first time in what feels like forever, Tyrone’s dreams are pleasant. They’re a muddle of memories and fantasy, not making any sense – Evita playing ball with him and his brother, Tandy in a St. Sebastian cap and gown – but they’re bright and warm and he actually sleeps through the night.

There’s no part of him that wants to get up, even when the smell of bacon wafts upstairs, but he’ll get hell if he’s late to practice again, so he forces his eyes open. Tandy’s face is mere inches from his and he nearly screams. He jolts backward, putting distance between them. She’s sound asleep, the sleeves of his hoodie curled around her fists and tucked under her chin. Ty realizes he’s in the guest bedroom, his bedsheet tangled around his legs.

Stupid fricking magic.

His limbs are totally frozen, though his heart feels like it’s beating hard enough to shake his entire skeleton. Should he move? Well, yes, obviously he should get the hell out of here. Doing that without waking Tandy is the issue. A dozen Mission Impossible-esque scenarios play out in his head before he remembers the bedsheet around his feet. Duh.

At a snail’s pace, Ty reaches for the sheet and pulls it up his body. He listens carefully to Tandy’s breathing, expecting her to wake up any second, but she doesn’t move. Ty finds that odd. She told him that she’s a light sleeper. Being homeless means she has to be – always on edge, always waiting for someone to give you trouble.

You hurt or you get hurt. Those had been her exact words. It sounds exhausting. Maybe that’s why she’s sleeping like the dead; she trusts him enough not to hurt her. The thought makes Tyrone pause and glance at Tandy. Her face is relaxed, even peaceful. He hopes she trusts him, hopes she understands that she’s safe here.

He spends a few more moments taking in her expression before reminding himself that this is creepy and he needs to leave. Pulling the sheet over his head, he closes his eyes and imagines himself back in his bedroom. His head swims more than usual, probably because he just woke up and he hasn’t eaten yet. Taking a few steadying breaths, Ty hauls himself out of bed and heads downstairs, stopping at the threshold of the kitchen.

Adina is at the stove, making enough scrambled eggs to feed and army. Otis is carrying food from the island into the dining room, which means his parents are in full blown host/hostess mode. Otis is humming loudly as he goes. It’s something with a lot of swing and his hips are moving in a way that would make Tyrone blush if anyone else were around.

Their eyes meet and Otis smiles, amping up the swagger. “Morning, son.”

Now Tyrone does blush. “Dad.”

Adina glances over her shoulder. “Tyrone, what have a told you about sleeping in your jeans?”

“Mom.”

“Why do I buy you sleep clothes if you’re not gonna wear ‘em?”

Ty shakes his head and tries to change the subject. “What’s all this for?” He says, gesturing to the lavish spread of food.

Adina stiffens ever so slightly. “Well, we have a guest, don’t we?” Although the word ‘guest’ is clipped in a way that tells Tyrone she’s not entirely over what happened last night.

Otis feels it, too, and crosses the kitchen to be beside her, running his hand in circles across her back. She turns to him and they have some sort of telepathic conversation. Her lips turns up at one corner and he kisses her temple. Ty suddenly feels like an intruder. He’s seen them kiss plenty of times, but this feels different.

Otis pulls away and resumes setting the table. Ty helps, taking the bowl of eggs from his mother.

“You need a ride to practice?”

“Nah, Evita’s driving me. She’s got cheer practice today.” With a start, he realizes that leaves Tandy out of the equation. “Um… we can stop by Tandy’s house on the way there and drop her off.”

Adina raises an eyebrow. “Ridgeway is on the other side of town. Y’all are gonna be late.”

“I’ll take her home.” Otis says.

Ty panics. “That’s really okay, Dad.”

“What’s okay?” Tandy mumbles from the doorway. She rubs her eye sleepily, hair sticking out from under her hood in all directions.

Otis answers before Ty can. “If you don’t mind, Tandy, I’ll be driving you home. Ty and Evita have practice today and Tyrone can’t be late again.”

Tandy shrugs, unperturbed. “That’d be cool. Thank you.”

Ty’s pulse is still thundering, but Tandy really doesn’t seem worried about it. She shuffles into the dining room, eyes widening just a fraction at the array of food.

“Can I help with anything?” She asks Adina.

“You can eat.” She answers, smiling, but it’s that smile that Ty knows is well rehearsed. It makes him anxious, though hopefully Tandy can’t tell the difference.

She shimmies into the seat beside him while Otis and Adina grab drinking glasses from the kitchen. Her expression is smug, which definitely doesn’t help his anxiety.

“What?” he hisses.

Her grin only broadens. “Nothing. Sleep well?” God damn it, she knows. His mortification must be amusing because she chuckles. “Calm down, I know it was an accident.”

Tyrone sighs. “Sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t. I woke up in the middle of the night and there you were. Thanks for the heart attack, by the way.” Ty snickers. She gives him an appraising look. “That’s gotta be pretty useful, though.”

“What do you mean?”

Her voice drops in an attempt to imitate his. “Oh gosh, Evita, I’m so sorry. It was an accident, really. But since I’m here now –”

“Stop.”

His parents whip around and Tandy fails to stifle her laughter. They share a knowing look before returning to the table with glasses and a pitcher of juice.

“I take it you’re feeling better, Tandy?” Otis says, offering her the pitcher.

“Yeah, much better.” She fills her glass to the brim, then makes quick work loading up her plate.

“How’s your head?” Ty asks.

“Fine.”

“What about your shoulder?”

“Fine.”

“You need ibuprofen or something?”

“Tyrone.” She stops with the fork halfway to her mouth, leveling him with a heady glare. “I’m fine, okay? I’ve had a concussion before. I know what to worry about.”

That’s not nearly as comforting as she probably meant for it to be, but she looks dangerously close to stabbing him with that fork, so he lets it go. His parents make small talk which Tandy contributes to in between mouthfuls of French toast. All through breakfast, Ty waits for last night to come up – questioning Tandy about the beach, the attack, why she hadn’t returned Billy’s hood – but it never does.

Eventually Ty allows himself to relax. He realizes that it’s been months since he’s let himself do that. First reconnecting with Tandy, then going after Connors, partnering with O’Reilly. It had all happened so fast and he hadn’t given himself a chance to slow down. This feels right: eating with his family, going to practice with Evita, being normal.

It has to end, of course, because shit, he is really going to be late. Evita’s ringtone chimes right on time, letting him know she’s outside.

“You going to practice in jeans, son?” Otis asks, smugly sipping his coffee.

Shit.

He turns quickly to Tandy. “Tan, are you sure?”

She waves him off. “Stop worrying. I’m fine. Get your ass upstairs.”

Otis grunts out a laugh. Ty rolls his eyes, muttering, “Can’t believe I put up with this.” before taking the stairs two at a time. He doesn’t take time to check which uniform is clean, just throws on the first one he finds, grabs his gym bag, and sprints into the living room. He glances back one more time. Otis is saying something to Tandy and she appears to be listening intently. She meets his eyes over his father’s shoulder and raises her eyebrow as if to say get going.

He doesn’t have a clue what her plan is, but it’s Tandy. She can find a way. Tyrone finally forces himself out the door and practically throws himself into the passenger seat of Evita’s car. Her foot’s on the gas before he even shuts the door.

“Woah.” Ty exhales. “Easy, speed demon.”

She’s unfazed. “I’ve never been late to practice and I ain’t gonna start because you overslept.”

“I didn’t oversleep.”

She blinks. “Oh, right. How’s Tandy? Anything serious?”

“Not according to the doctor.” He sounds unconvinced even to his own ears.

They’re stopped at a light and Evita lets her eyes skim over him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” He leans back in the seat like he wants it to swallow him. “I’m just worried.”

Evita smiles sadly before turning back to the road. Her hand reaches to give his knee a reassuring squeeze. “You’re always worried, babe.” She looks at him again. “Just let go, at least for today. You’re not a part of the divine pairing. You’re not Tandy’s babysitter. You’re not anything. You’re just Ty.”

They stop at another light and Ty can’t help but smile. “Just Ty?” His brow quirks playfully.

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” He leans in, stealing a kiss before the light changes.  

As hellish as last night had been – from the attack to her fight with Ty – Tandy’s morning has been a pleasant surprise. For one thing, she can’t remember the last time she was this full or well rested. Her shoulder still aches and her head hurts and yes, some ibuprofen would be nice, but it’s nothing she hasn’t dealt with before.

Adina rises from the table, eyeing Tandy’s empty plate with something close to approval. “Glad someone finally appreciates my cooking.”

“That boy of yours doesn’t deserve you, Mrs. Johnson,” Tandy says, popping a slice of melon into her mouth.

Otis gives a curt laugh again and Tandy’s confidence soars. It’s strange: last night she’d treated them like regular marks. She said what she thought they wanted to hear in an attempt to gain their trust and not get Ty in trouble. Now things are different, somehow. She wants to make them laugh, wants them to like her – the real her, whatever that is underneath all of her bullshit.

The voice whispers something, but she banishes it to the farthest corner of her mind. Pushing away from the table, she collects the empty glasses and brings them into the kitchen where Otis is filling the sink with hot, soapy water.

“Thank you, Tandy.”

“No,” she says earnestly, “thank you. Both of you.” She turns to Adina. “Really, I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you did for me.”

Adina nods thoughtfully, narrowing her eyes at Tandy’s hood. “Is that another sweatshirt you plan on stealing from my son?”

Tandy feels all of the color leave her face. “I… Ty said… he offered…” and that’s not entirely true, but hell if she’s admitting that.

Otis sighs. “Di.”

Adina cracks a smile. “Alright, I’m sorry. I had to.” Tandy must still look terrified, because she quickly says, “It’s fine, dear. That thing has no sentimental value. And I…” she falters and glances at Otis. He nods encouragingly. “And I want you to have it, truly.”

The words feel heavy with sentiment that Tandy doesn’t fully understand, though they keep staring like they’re waiting for her to figure it out. Her pulse quickens but she reminds herself to stay calm, keep her body language relaxed.

“Ty was just being nice.” She says nonchalantly. “I was cold last night and he –”

“Tandy,” Adina interrupts, “it’s really okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

And then she continues cleaning up breakfast as if nothing happened. Tandy swallows, the pleasant vibe of the morning beginning to slip away.

“I’m going to get changed.” She says, needing an out. “I’ll just leave your pajamas folded on the bed, if that’s okay.”

Adina nods. “That’s fine.”

“Then I’ll take you home.” Otis says as Tandy forces herself not to run up the stairs.

Her heart is pounding and she isn’t even sure why. There was something in their expressions – something so kind and so parental – that she hadn’t been expecting. She should feel safe, and she does, but maybe that’s just the problem. It had been so easy to accept their kindness, lose herself in the domesticity. She’d let her guard down and that was dangerous.

It’s the good things you have to guard yourself from the most.

Tandy undresses without any delicacy, her head and shoulder throbbing in protest. She focusses on the pain – almost welcomes it – because that’s something she understands. Her phone is nearly dead, but she’s at least glad it hadn’t fallen from her pocket during the fight. There are three messages from Ty sent this morning.

NOT LATE!!!!!

EVITA ASKED HOW YOU WERE DOING. SAID YOU’RE OK.

REALLY, THOUGH. YOU OK?

Despite her pounding headache and the lesson she’d just told herself, Tandy smiles.

CAN’T TALK. FOOD COMA.

He won’t respond until practice is over, which is fine because she’s going to have to walk all the way from Ridgeway Estates to the church before she can even grab her phone charger and then walk to the internet café several blocks down to plug in.

She grabs the ballet slipper and tucks it into her sweatshirt pocket, makes a final attempt at fixing her hair, and speeds back downstairs. Breakfast is all cleaned up and Adina is spreading out a series of documents atop the now clear table; working on the weekend, as Ty said she often did. Otis is standing casually by the door, hands in his pockets.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Tandy says, gearing up to thank them again but Adina quickly crosses the room and steals the words from her mouth.

Her eyes are piercing in their intensity, but there’s that motherly softness to them, even now. She takes Tandy’s hands in her own and she has to fight the surge of energy it sends up her arms.

“Tandy, honey, I know you said you didn’t plan on reporting the incident.” Adina says gently, “But I have friends, too. One of my associates, his wife is a lawyer who specializes in assault cases.”

Cold indifference permeates Tandy’s mind, as it often does if she’s not high on adrenaline or in the middle of a depressive episode – two extremes buffered by total numbness. Adina tells her to think about it and she says she will. She thanks them again, tells them she’ll make it up to them, but it’s all automatic. The only sensation that really registers is the need to run, to get away.

Otis asks if she needs anything before they leave, but she says no. She climbs into the car with mounting certainty.

Away, away, away. I just need away.

She pulls the hood up over her head and disappears beneath it, closing her eyes and wishing the darkness could take her away for real.

Ty doesn’t know how to relax and Tandy doesn’t really know what to do when you show her affection.

#marvel's cloak and dagger #cloak and dagger #pause #fanfic #fanfiction #tyrone johnson #tandy bowen #evita fusilier

[heartofbarbedwire]

Thoughts thoughts thoughts

I seriously doubt anyone will read this in entirety because I already know it’s going to be long. But I welcome you to read this for as long as you wish to.

I remember what it was like to not have anxiety, or I suppose not to be plagued by it. I am an extrovert. I have people who I love dearly and who love me despite myself. I have people I adore at my job who adore me even if they literally never invite me anywhere, but I think that is enough. Either way, I remember being a child and maybe my anxiety used to be so close to my ADHD I could never tell the difference between the two when I was acting impulsively. My impulsiveness. My inability to focus. My ADHD was my worst enemy. As a child it fucked with my grades and my social abilities, in my adulthood it has ruined relationships both with friends and partners. Yet the silent killer I never saw coming was my anxiety. I didn’t have my first anxiety/panic attack until I was a full blown adult. I used to go up and talk to literally anyone I came across, all the time. I had no fear. None. I can barely remember what that feels like now. It’s funny how one person can go from never being afraid of anything or anyone to quite nearly the opposite. This is the most honest I think I’ve ever been here but I am always afraid. Now if you know me personally in the past I’m sure that sentence was very strange. Also hello nice to see you again. Or not, who knows. Anyway let me repeat that. I am always afraid. I think I spent so much time focusing on what was so great about me I let what wasn’t grow completely out of control. Now I’m so afraid of that side of me coming back I think I refuse to look at the great things in myself now. My pride that you see in me. Whenever I talk myself up, that is a facade. Not to say I think I’m actual garbage all the time or that I think there’s literally nothing good about me. If I thought that to be quite honest I probably would kill myself. I see the good and I can recognize good things about me. I just feel like if I water that plant it might turn into a weed again. That and I’m so conscious of the bad now that I’m consistently afraid that someone will see it too and wonder why the fresh fuck they’ve wasted so much time on me. I try to be a good person. I really do. I love my friends with everything I have in me, I do good things for strangers when they’re not around to watch, I do the right thing every time I’m not thanked for it and I’m never angry when any of it goes unnoticed. I guess I just need help figuring out how to balance giving myself a chance and being humble. I once read something that really touched my heart. It said something along the lines of You wouldn’t buy a car that someone told you wouldn’t run or had a lot of things wrong with it. Why would finding partner be any different? If I sit with a magnifying glass on my flaws all the time then eventually someone will see them or will start overthinking the way I do about them because I’m doing nothing but focusing on them. Yes I have flaws just like everyone else does, but if I do nothing but talk about them then what would make anyone want to stay? I know I don’t want to stay when I meet someone who constantly beats themselves up, so why is that what I want to do to myself all the time? There are great things about me. I know there are. I just don’t want to sound prideful or full of myself. Where is the balance exactly? I just want to be a healthier person. That’s what this all boils down to. My anxiety sits here and whispers to me that the people I love in my life will leave me sooner or later. That my best friend will decide I’m too immature for her, my partner will feel she can find better, my roommates will want to live with someone else. I think it all boils down to fear. Which was the thing I used to have so little of. Now it keeps me up at night or wakes me in the middle of the night when I’m sleeping next to an amazing woman who loves me. I just wish I had a feeling of security and safety. Like my life can’t be changed by something as simple as a red light. Like all my fucking up might finally be out of gas. Kelsie if you’re reading this in the future I really hope you look back on this and tut because you know now that it got better soon. I really hope you don’t read this and laugh because it only got worse from here. I’m 26, it’s time I figured my shit out. I know there’s a future out there where I can be happy in all areas of my life. I just need to work for it. I can do anything I want to do. I’ve done it before. That moment when your laptop charger rolls off your blanket and onto your feet feeling straight up like a fucking snake and makes you literally jump out of your skin almost throwing your laptop. Great first step. Anyway thanks to anyone if you did manage to stick it out through all of this. I’m sure this was a lot of weird shit to read so I’m sorry. You can continue with your day now. Hope it’s a great one. Thanks for reading my weird post emo diary.

#thoughts

[mrsjihyunkim]

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 9

~~~~~I feel like it’s been so long since the last chapter. I’ll try to have another one up soon after the holidays.~~~~~~

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         I opened my eyes and found that I had fallen asleep on my desk. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and felt something heavy fall off my shoulders. When I looked down I saw a blanket and realized that V must have put it on me after I fell asleep. He really was thoughtful and sweet, I couldn't help but smile. After picking up the blanket I looked at the wall clock and saw that it half past eight. V had been left alone well over six hours and I felt bad. I should probably check on him and make sure he ate, I thought to myself. I looked in the bedroom to see if he was sleeping but he wasn't there. When he wasn't in the living room or kitchen I could feel my anxiety building up. I searched everywhere for a note and when I didn't find one I began to assume the worst. I didn't want to believe that he just left or was annoyed by me. I then began to think that Alex had some how gotten to him. The last thought sent me into full blown panic. A million questions ran through my head as I sank down on the floor. With every question I could feel my chest and throat tighten. The lack of answers to the questions made my breathes grow shorter and shorter. I heard the click of my door and wiped at my tears. I tried to run to the door but it was mostly stumbling. I was full of panic and rage. I had no idea what I was going to do with these emotions but I didn't want to just sit there and cry. When I saw that it was V relief flodded my body. When he saw the state I was in he looked confused and worried.

"MC, what's wrong?" He asked. My throat was too tight for words so I just ran to him and crashed into his chest. He dropped what ever he was holding and put his arms around me. "It's ok. I'm here so just breathe." I tried talking to him but all that came out were sobs. "It's alright. Just focus on calming down. Then you can tell me whats wrong." He rubbed my back and stroked my hair until my breathing slowed down. When my sobs became quite he kissed the top of my head.

"You were gone." I said in a horse voice. "I woke up and you were no where to be found. I thought that you got mad at me for working so long and left or that Alex had gotten to you some how. I didn't know what to do." I felt V's arms tighten around me and I looked up at him. His face was twisted in anger but his eyes were so sad.

"I'm so sorry MC. I never meant to trigger an attack." He squeezed me even hard and I could see that he was beating himself up about it.

"It's alright. All I care about is that you're ok."

"I sent you a text thinking that you'd check your phone when you woke up. I'm sorry it wasn't enough. Please forgive me." There was a heaviness in his words and his eyes seemed glazed over. It almost sounded like he was begging. I felt a sting in my chest at seeing him like this but I was also taken aback by how handsome he was. The lights from behind me casted a soft glow on his face and he looked so stoic. He must have noticed me staring at him because he looked down at me and we locked eyes. I reached up and swept his hair out of his face. The hair fell back so I did the gesture again but kept my hand cradling his face. "I truly am sorr," I stretched up and planted a kiss on his lips before he could even finish his sentence. I felt him loosen up as I moved my mouth against his. He placed a hand on my waist and pulled me into him. I pressed harder into him and he knocked against the door. My hands were tangled in his hair as he gently bit my lip. I knew where this was going and logic told me to stop it but my body was aching for V. I wanted him to have this part of me. I wanted to solely belong to him. V's hands began to inch their way up when suddenly there was a pounding at the door. I jumped back so fast that I fell on my butt. V helped me up but he looked mildly annoyed when a voice came from the other side of the door.

"Mr. Kim I heard a thud. Is everything alright?" V didn't even bother opening the door.

"Everything is fine, but you startled MC. Maybe don't pound on the door like a lunatic next time."

"My apologizes sir. It won't happen again." V let out a long sighed and leaned on the door.

"It's probably a good thing he pounded on the door and brought us to our senses." I was too flustered to even look him in the eyes. My face was red and I was still trying to catch my breath. V pushed off the door and walked towards me. He grabbed my hand and gently kissed it. "Not that I'm complaining about what just happened. In fact I'd very much like to continue it when the time is right." My jaw dropped and I could feel my face heat up even more. I just stared at him while he laughed at my flustered face. His eyes had a playful gleam in them before he turned around and picked up the things he dropped. Slowly I came back to my senses and remembered everything that had happened.

"Who was that outside?" I asked trying not to be suspicious or paranoid.

"Oh. It's a security detail that Jumin placed outside the house. I was going to tell you but you were asleep when they got here. Right now there’s about ten or fifteen out there so we should be safe."

"Isn't that a little much? I mean I know Alex is a handful but it's not like he's an assasin." V walked into the kitchen and I followed him.

"Trust me this is after I talked him down from fifty men, but that's Jumin for you. Efficiency above all things." V laughed a little as I watched him set a grocery bag onto the counter. I walked over and hugged his back.

"So how long was I sleeping and where did you go?" I asked trying to peer into the bag.

"I checked on you at 6 and you were sleeping, so at least two hours. Then after the security guards came I went with two of them to grab some clothes from my home and pick up food from one of the places on your fridge. And again I'm sorry my text wasn't enough to keep you from worrying. Next time I'll leave it somewhere else." He started taking out containers of food and I could feel my stomach growl.

"It's ok. My phone was actually dead when I woke up so I left it on the charger while I went to go find you. At least if it happens again I'll remember to check my phone before freaking out. So which take out place did you go to?"

"The one called China Inn. I had no idea what to get you though but apparently you go there enough that they knew your order. I would have been back sooner but the fact that I'm your boyfriend meant I had to meet every one and they made us some extra food." He finally turned had all of the containers on the counter and the smell almost made me drool. I let go of V and went to get glasses for drinks.

"Yeah. I've know them for a long time. I graguated with their son and they also own this house." Yeti came running into the kitchen and rubbed around our legs. I gave him some food as V moved everything to the table.

"I never would have guessed that. I just assumed you owned this house." I laughed and joined V at the table. "I hope burbon chicken is ok. They told me that's what you always get." I nodded and took the container from him.

"Thank you. And no I could never afford this place. After Jake went to jail I had no money and was fresh out of college. Then I guess one day John, their son, told them what was going on. Then the next time I went to pick up my order there was a house key and a note with my food. I cried for like a week straight after that." I broke open my chopsticks and took a bite of my chicken.

"I see. I'm glad you have such kind people around you." He smiled at me and took a bit of his food. A pleasant silence fell over us as we ate. I tried not to stare ate V while he ate but it was so hard to look away from. He was constantly dropping his food and most of the time he could barely bring it to his mouth. I couldn't tell if it was because of his eyes were bad or if he had just never used chopsticks. He finally caught me staring and gave me a clueless look. "What is it?" I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Nothing. You know it's ok to use a fork if you want." I smirked at him and he put the chopsticks down.

"Am I doing that badly?" His face turned a bit red as he let out a nervous laugh.

"Only a little bit. Is it your eyes or do you just not use chopsticks a lot?"

"A little bit of both. I haven't used chopsticks since I went to Japan a year or so ago, not that I was much better with them the last time." I got up from the table and returned with a fork. "Thank you." He said before finally taking a bite of his food. I smiled at him and sat back down. "This actually is very good. I've never had take out like this before."

"I'm glad you like it. It's honestly the best take out place I've ever eaten from and I've eaten a lot of take out." I said as I got up to throw away my containers. When I was done I could feel a slight chill which was odd since the weather should be warming up. "I think I'm going to light a small fire. It seems like winter is going to give us one last cold front."

"That would be nice. I wasn't sure if your fire place actually worked or not."

"Yeah. I fixed it when I moved in here. This house was actually in rough shape when I moved in." V looked around somewhat surprised.

"Really? I never would have guessed that. The traditional style made me think it was just an older house."

"I mean it was live able when I moved it but a lot of stuff was broken. Like lights in the bathroom would short out, there was a whole in the living room floor from a cable hook up, and I had a gas water heater. Those were just the cosmetic issues. Later on I had plumbing issues and that took forever to get fixed. I even got a couple of scars in the process." I rolled up my right sleeve and showed V the scars on my arm. He ran his finger over them and I couldn't help but blush.

"How did you get these?" He asked.

"Well the first one I got when I was ripping up the old floor boards and a nail snagged me. The second one I got by breaking an old window." He gave me curious look and I explained. "Eric and I were replacing my bedroom window and he lost his grip on it. I tried to hold it up on my own but my hand went right through the glass." I rolled my sleeve back down and headed towards the living room. I heard V follow me and watched him sit down on the couch.

"I see. You never struk me as the handyman type." I shrugged my shoulders and threw some logs into the fire place.

"I mean I've been on my own since I was a kid so I've had to learn a lot. I mean I was in my own apartment by the time I was sixteen. Not to mention Eric was a huge helped." I got up from the fire place and joined V on the couch. He handed me my cup of tea and I smiled at him. I felt him put his arm around me and we sat in comfortable silence. V had a peaceful expression on his face and I wanted nothing more than to stare at it for hours but there was something on my mind that I had to ask him. I turned towards him and took a deep breathe. "V there's something I was to ask you and I want you to be honest." He a curious but concerned look.

"Of course MC. I have no reason to lie about anything." His reassurance gave me some more courage but I was still nervous. I took another deep breathe and went for it.

"The person who hurt your eyes, was it the same Rika that I knew?"

#mystic messenger #fanfiction #My writing #v x mc #20 seconds of bravery #20sob #20sob ch 9

[thecrimsonarcher]

The Fireman's Tale--Personal Account of Mitch Russell

"At the time of the Zion Mountain Incident, I had been with the Grundy Fire Department for over 10 years. 10 years couldn't prepare me for what I saw on the night Zion Mountain burned to the ground. I've always said the whole thing was unnatural, but no one else paid it any mind. About 5 miles above Zion Mountain, past the Unicoi Grill and a few of those rental cabins along the river, my crew and I came across what we believed was the starting point of the initial fire. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't just one fire that destroyed the town. It was several. Most of them started from sparks coming off downed power lines, transformers, and hell, even a couple of gas stations that didn't close down for the evening. It was the eeriest damn thing I've ever seen in the 10 years I had been in the fire department. Sure, I've seen some crazy shit over the course of a decade by that point. House fires, forest fires, horrible traffic accidents....you name it. 10 years couldn't prepare me for what I saw up on that mountain. There was a path that started from the base of the mountain and eventually, went about a half a mile or so up the ridge to this clearing where some logging had been done. It was so strange. Nothing had burned above this clearing. As far as I could tell at that point, the first fire originated within the clearing. As for who or what started it, it was anyone's guess. Stupid me, I decided to go up there with a couple of others---Chris Wilson and William Campbell. I knew we weren't supposed to be up there until Jace Moser, who was the main fire investigator at the time, stopped by to access the damage and begin his investigation. I could tell you right now this wasn't an act of arson. All three of us agreed on that. Nothing about the whole thing made sense. We weren't dealing with drought conditions that year. On the night of June 13th, there were no reports of high wind or thunderstorms. It was a muggy, clear night. There were prescribed burns in parts of the Unicoi Range that March, most of which got rid of the debris from the tornado we had back in April of 2012. The rest of the downed trees were logged off, leaving a big scar near the entrance of the Range. The clearing where the fire originated was part of that logging operation. In fact, we found the scorched remains of logging equipment--skidders, harvesters, knuckleboom loaders....they were still logging the area up until that point in time. By first glance, it would've looked like a fire was started by the logging outfit and it just got out of control. Walking up that logging road was like walking into an apocalyptic wasteland. Hell, it was spooky enough seeing how barren it was from all the logging, but walking into this was like a nightmare. Everything was pitch black, as far as we could see. Every once in a while, you'd see tree stumps of different sizes. Some were as tall as a man and others, below your knees. They were blackened, hollowed out by the fire. The smell....oh god, that smell....it was horrific, like a mix between a rotting corpse, burned flesh, and strong metallic odor. If it weren't for our masks, we would've been throwing up non stop. William Campbell was, I can remember. It was 86 degrees that day and the humidity was very high. You can probably imagine what it was like, both up on the mountain and in town. We didn't see human remains initially, but the further up we went, the smell became stronger the closer to the clearing we got. We had all been shaken up pretty badly by fighting the fire itself. I had been without sleep for 72 hours. Same with William and Chris. Within that circle, there was a pretty good sized bolder that stood about five or so feet tall. The top part of it was stained with this deep reddish brown color. There were splatter marks on the side of it and these strange symbols. At first, I thought it was on old prank some teenager pulled a long time ago to fuck with whoever came across it until William came out and said he knew what those symbols were. Can you believe that? William of all people--quietest guy on the squad. William was from Zion Mountain. You know, I hadn't given it a second thought, since we were caught up in the chaos. It wasn't a relevant piece of information at the time. Our main goal was to attempt to reduce the amount of civilian casualties by evacuating them and putting out the fires that spread across town. I didn't ever consider how William felt, watching his hometown burn to the ground in front of him. If it wasn't for the fact he had to work that night at the station, he would've been one of the people we had dig out. He still hadn't heard from his wife, Hannah. Personally, I wasn't too optimistic about it, but I wouldn't dare tell him at the time. He was already pretty shaken up by what happened anyway. I didn't express my doubts, even after we found her....or rather, what was left of her, near the front door of their house. When Chris and I asked him what the significance behind this place was, he said this was where the church elders would perform sacred rites and other strange rituals. As for what exactly would go on during this rituals, it was anyone's guess. The only ones who were allowed to attend the ceremonies were a select few, the most influential people in Zion Mountain. This would've probably included the Yearwoods, Tallents, Millers....you name it. William openly admitted he had no idea why they'd conjugate up on the mountain. As he put it, "white trash like us aren't privileged enough to get closer to God". "What do you mean, you're not privileged enough?" I remember asking him. "Will, you're a fireman, just like us. It's our job to put our lives on the line to save the lives of others. Surely that's enough to convince them you're worthy." "No. Not even that is enough." I can recall him answering back. He looked so defeated and betrayed. 'I'm not one of them. God loves everyone in his flock, but he holds a special place in his heart for them, his most 'dedicated' disciples." Something about that statement really tipped me off, you know? Now, we're taught in church that God each and every one of us, regardless of our imperfections. Every man, woman, child, saint, sinner, and everything in between was worthy of Her love. If there's anything I learned on that day, it was that Kalona was the God of the wealthier, more privileged citizens of Zion Mountain. Everyone else beneath him was nothing more than pigs wallowing in the mud. Part of me wonders if such a thing would behave like that or if his disposition was the result of his human followers. The symbols on the bolder not known to belong to any human language, he claimed. They were some sort of divine message, special instructions on how the ritual was supposed to be performed, passed down from their patron deity, Kalona. Being that the rest of our unit was from Grundy, we all were pretty acquainted with Zion Mountain's weird religious practices. They didn't worship the same God as we did. We let them do their thing and we did ours. It wasn't our place to tell them they were in the wrong for believing what they did, but....maybe we should've stepped in a long time ago. They called him "Kalona", the God of land and the bearer of fire. He was always portrayed as looking like an angel, specifically one of the Archangels. He had giant, flaming wings, wore armor, carried a ridiculously huge sword...you know, like something out of a video game or movie. No one ever knew what to make of it. Behind their backs, we'd kind of have a good laugh over it, say they'd discover soon enough how wrong they were to worship their strange, Pagan god. Now....we're no longer sure. The moment we stepped into the circle, we were bombarded by blow flies. There were hundreds of them, like a black cloud humming in the dead silence of the woods. We knew....all of us knew...that we were about to find human remains. It had been like that all day. Casualties were numbering in the dozens by that point and morale was running low. The entire time we had been within the city limits, we could not find survivors. We braced ourselves for what we might find....but.....there was nothing in this world that could've prepared us for the horrible shit we had seen. It had been about 3 days at that point. Most of the fires had been put out, except for the one on Atsila Branch, near old Doc Larson's facility. The Atsila Branch Fire burned for over 700 acres and it was finally contained a few days later. Chris was the one who saw it first. I was inspecting the bolder in the middle of the clearing when I heard him let out a yelp. I called out to him and asked what he found, but he didn't answer. I called out a second time and again, he didn't answer me back. I admit, I was a little bit annoyed at the time. When you go that long without sleep, everything gets on your nerves. Every last one of them. He was standing several feet away from me near this burned out stump. "Chris, what the hell are you doing?" I hollered. "I told you to stay close, goddamnit!" When I finally caught up with him, he was just standing there, completely frozen in his stance, breathing rapidly like he was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. I saw this....it was like this sludge that was brown, gelatinous, filled with thousands of maggots, and smelled like rotting meat. There were splintered bones floating around in it, some with the muscle tissue and skin still attached. It was splattered all over the place. I went 72 hours without sleep. At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me from sleep deprivation. I really wanted that to be the case, no matter how many times I tried to pinch myself. I've never seen human remains that were in that condition before, completely liquified with the exception of bones, pieces of hair, and even teeth. There were no visible singe marks, save for a layer of soot. Something wasn't right, nor did it add up. Why weren't the remains we found near the center burned like everything else? What caused this person or group of people to be essentially liquified? My radio suddenly came on, snapping me out of it. I heard Miles Grady, who was the lieutenant of the Grundy Fire Department at the time, on the other end. He demanded to know where we went off to since we weren't technically allowed to leave the city limits. Boy, was he pissed! I hollered at William and Chris and told them we should get the hell out of there before Miles went apeshit. Units were spread out across the city limits, focusing on the many fires that popped up on June 13. Most of them were contained by the next morning, with the occasional hot spots. Atsila Branch was still on fire. Smoke was billowing above the trees, raining ashes down on the remains of town. There was a sickly, brownish tint in the skies that cast a depressing, dingy glow across the smoldering ruins. The smell was horrendous, far worse than what we had experienced in the clearing. My unit mostly worked around the business district, which was clear on the other side of town. There used to be a strip mall on the other side of the highway. They had a Piggly Wiggly, Wilson's Drugs, Dollar General, a Mexican restaurant, a book store, and a video game shop. Nothing of the strip survived. It was like bombs had been dropped all up and down the highway. Chris, William, and I helped with recovery in what was left of the Pig. I'd rather not go into full detail about it, but....if there's one thing I can say, whatever happened in Zion Mountain was sudden. It came out of nowhere and it came out of nowhere so fast that no one really had time to react. The town square was the part of Zion Mountain that catered mostly to rich tourists from up north. They had expensive art galleries that sold high dollar paintings to people who had more money than common sense, several tacky themed restaurants, souvenir shops, thrift stores, the town library, city hall, police station....all of them were reduced to smoldering piles of rubble, just like that. Miles Grady, the lieutenant of the Grundy Fire Department at the time, grabbed ahold of Chris, William, and myself and told us to come with him because he had something he wanted to show us. It was like someone had taken a wrecking ball to the outer walls of the buildings. Most of the buildings in the town square were some of the oldest in the county, built after the Civil War. They survived everything both nature and man threw at them, including other fires. But this....none of us were prepared for what we were about to see. There was this strange silence about the place, even though dozens of first responders were on site, sifting through the rubble in vain to find survivors. It was like the hands of God grabbed ahold of the phone poles and snapped them into splinters, just as simple as that. They were lying on the burnt pavement, charred, with the wires snapped in half. It reminded me of the tornado that tore the place apart the year before, only worse. All up and down the main drag, there were dozens of bodies that were burned beyond recognition. Some of them were decapitated, while others were missing limbs or huge chunks of their body. We even found a few that were ripped in half and their entrails were slung into the sides of buildings and the sidewalk. We thought that it was the work of scavengers like buzzards, coyotes, raccoons, and the like....until we saw these huge claw marks on the pavement, like scratches. The way it moved, it was like it drug its feet along behind it, ramming into anything in its path, including innocent bystanders who were trying to flee on foot or in their vehicles. We found at least two cars that had indentations of these....footprints(?) Paw prints(?) on the hood, barring them from leaving the inferno behind. On one car, the roof was completely ripped off, exposing the driver and passenger. The driver was forcibly ripped out of their seat and as for the passenger...All that was left of them was from the waist down. Whatever it was, it must have tried to rip them out of the car, just like the driver. I don't know if just couldn't do it for whatever reason, but....it either ripped them in half by grabbing onto them with its claws or clamped down on them with its teeth. Whether it was doing this as a method of attack or it was just eating them, we don't know. We had so much resting on our shoulders at the time, which made things even worse. There was this constant feeling of paranoia, of looking over our shoulders every time we heard a sound that was out of place. No physical evidence was ever found of the entity that laid waste to the town square, meaning that somewhere, it was roaming free, waiting for another opportunity to strike. What happened in Zion Mountain was not some tragic, freak accident like you've been led to believe for all these years. All of us who were involved....we all agreed to never speak about what we saw so that it wouldn't cause mass hysteria. Morale was low enough as it was. It was covered by every major news channel, both local and nationwide. People were constantly glued to their TVs, phones, and computers, desperately trying to figure out if their loved ones died. Everyone in my unit lost someone. I lost several cousins, my two younger brothers, my sister-in-law, and my nieces and nephews--4 girls and one boy. William, who was from Zion Mountain, lost his wife, parents, and god knows how many cousins. Chris lost his parents. That's just how it was. Even that didn't stop us from doing our jobs because who else would? People view us first responders with such a high regard, but I didn't feel like the hero they made me out to be. Despite all of our efforts, we only managed to save 12 people. Zion Mountain had a population of 906. 894 people lost their lives for absolutely no reason, other than to appease that thing they called God. I don't know what happened that night and I probably don't want to know. Something dark happened in Zion Mountain, something so horrible we can't even begin to understand. I stopped going to church after we were finished in Zion Mountain. Maybe it was a combination between everything I witnessed while struggling in vain to stop the fires and to save everyone and the things William told us in the aftermath. Those people....they were lied to. Were they offered as a sacrifice to appease their own god? Did they blindly follow their absurd doctrine, never knowing they were being led to the slaughterhouse like sheep? I had forgotten when the realization hit me. Whether it was the 10th body I dug up or maybe even the 100th, I don't remember. What if...we're being led down the same path? What if the thing we worshipped every Sunday morning was the same as Kalona--a mindless monster who would stop at nothing to completely destroy us? Could that be the reason why we're asked to give it so much of our devotion and love? Are we being groomed to prepare for it when that moment comes? --Personal account from Mitch Russell, former member of the Grundy Fire Department

#the zion mountain chronicles #my writings #writing #psychological horror #lovecraftian horror #nightmare fuel #tw: disturbing content #southern gothic #tw: strong language #I wonder how many people will notice the Evangelion references #Tennessee writers #can you believe I've had people to message me and ask if this really happened? #cosmic horror

[pandabearlikes]

My Husband, Kim JunMeow

Table of Contents 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapter o8. Transformation  

“Suho!” I jolt up in bed and shout.  

Instantaneously, my eyes complain about the merciless sun.  It is morning…I twist my body from left to right in search of Junmyeon.  Instead, it’s the loving cat, who I yearned for, in my sleep, who waddles his way from the head of my bed to my lap.  He licks his paw and tilts his head to gaze into my puffy eyes.  It’s strange.  Similarly, my heart grows sore under his presence as it normally does when I’m with Junmyeon.  It’s so silly to say…I think I love them both.  

“Welcome home, Suho…” my voice trembles as my precious cat throws his paws around my neck.  As I stroke his back, he starts to weep this heart-clenching cry that summons rivers under my own eyes.  “I’m so happy to have you back…”

“Meoooooooooow~” he wails.  He’s been waiting for two decades to hear these words again.  

Sniffling back tears, I lightly smack his bum and tease, “You, Big Baby…”

“Meoooooooow~~” he sobs out happy tears.  

Chuckling, I pull him away to take a better look.  Just like when he was a baby kitten, he sports a gorgeous white coat of fur that almost refracted Heaven’s light.  Under the sun, certain angles create rainbow streaks.  Even his pink nose is the same that it baffles me how long it took to recognize him.  The prolonged fever, during my childhood took away my memories but the fever, produced by love, had brought it all back.    

With a beaming grin, I bring his paws up to wipe his own eyes.  “I love you, My Suho,” I sweetly say and lean in to kiss his nose.  He returns the affections by licking my lips.  My giggles cause all the cells in his small body to prance around.  “Don’t run away anymore, okay?” I pout and hold out my pinky.

“Meow~” my cat wraps his paw around my finger and promises.

That’s when my vision lands on the shining gemstone band around my finger.  “Heh…” a wide toothy grin spreads from ear to ear.  “Junmyeon got me this,” I explain and hold it up to Suho.  “Isn’t it pretty?”

“Meow,” Suho’s neck fur puffs up and he proudly holds his head up.  

“I think I’m in love…” I shyly admit as I rock backward and lie back onto my bed.  Habitually, Suho starts to knead my stomach but I bring him up to rest against my chest.  “He’s kind of strange…in a way…” I softly giggle.  “…but every time I’m with him, I feel so safe,” I daydream.  “For a while, I just wanted a man to just…take my virginity…”

A low grumble croaks from Suho’s throat.

“…with Junmyeon, I want to make love…”

The sassy cat covers his burning cheeks with his paws and rolls into a shy ball.  

“I love him,” I confess.  Suho peeps his head out.  Flexing my abs, I tilt my chin up to look at the cat.  “I’m going to marry both of you!” I conclude.  The surprise cat chokes and starts to hack out coughs.  His body bounces up and down to the vibration of my tummy as I laugh.  “What?” I chuckle and pet his head.  “No one said a girl can’t have two husbands,” I joke.  Extending my arm out, I take his old collar into my hands.  I remove the name tag and bell and slip it through his new collar.  

“There,” I marvel at the perfection.  “Now, everyone will know you’re mine!”

“Meow ꒰⌗´͈ ᵕ ॣ`͈⌗꒱৩” His little paws play with the bell, causing the jingle to create sweet melodies into my ear.  

“…and your lover can’t take you from me,” I finish my joke with an evil cackle.  

Suho gives me an unimpressed look.

“Either way, vet called.  After a second opinion, they recommend I get you neutered.”

“MEOWEIOIOWERWIRUOIWUROIUOIWRUO,” the cat thrashes around in opposition.

“What?” I giggle, “Silly Bean, it’ll help you live longer!”

It’s been a week…and then two.  Junmyeon is nowhere to be seen.  I searched the entire apartment in case the note he may have left got blown off somewhere by the wind.  Nothing.  Suho pounces around the room like the happy kitty he is.  Though he doesn’t know what I’m trying to look for, his little paws try to mimic my ravage search.  I can’t help but laugh.  

With a defeated sigh, I slouch over the side of my bed.  “I miss Junmyeon…” I admit.

“Meow Meow,” Suho tugs my sleeve as if saying, “Loook at meeee.”

“Heh, you Goofball,” I ruffle his fur and jolt up.  “Time to go to the vet!” I announce.

“MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!” my kitty squirms in my arms but I grip onto him tightly.  “Don’t scratch me, Crazy Cat,” I quip.  The memories of once causing me a fatal injury burns into his heart and he settles down.  

“It’ll be done in around ten minutes,” the vet technician states and hands me forms to fill.  They take Suho in for a quick examination.  

“That silly cat…it’s not that big of a…”

The tip of my pen drags along paper as a sudden flicker of a scene replays in my mind.  Blurry but defining, I recall Junmyeon lowering himself and me onto the bed.  His cuddle is firm and warm against my feverish body as he whispered, “I love you…” into my ears.  Then suddenly…the weight from his hold diminished and the blurry image of white fur settled in.

“How did you get in here?"

“I never left…”

Fish.  Fish.  Fish and chicken.  Allergic to chocolate and tomatoes.

Old conversations bring themselves back to light.  My eyes dart out and stare at nothing in particular as if I’m being hypnotized.    

“I’ve never seen my father before and I was striped from my mother at 8 weeks…”

His tendency to show up out of nowhere and naked…

“He loves you so much more than you’ll ever know, that’s why he came back to find you even after all these years.”

My twin orbs grow glassy.

“He wants to stay by your side and protect you…”

I cup a hand over my mouth as an out-of-the-world analysis forms in my mind.  JunMeow is Suho…and Junmyeon is JunMeow…which meant…Junmyeon is my beloved Suho.  The circled words “Neuter/Spay” on the form against my lap, jeers back at me.  With eyes widened into golfballs, I storm pass the front desk, ignore the shouting receptionist, and sprint into the back clinical rooms.  

“SUHO!” I shout as I swing the doors.  Panic drives my soul; if Suho gets neutered then Junmyeon…

I almost get an heart attack at the thought.  On the third door, I discover a vet and a tech holding down the white cat.  An empty syringe stares back to me; Suho’s head totters and his eyelids twitch.

“NO!” I bellow.  

The professionals in the room stare at me with puzzlement.  Without explaining myself, I grab my Suho and rock him in my arms.

“You guys didn’t do anything yet, right???” I question in a frenzy.  Saliva drains from the kitty’s mouth as he refuses to fall asleep.

“We just gave him a dose of anesthetics.  Don’t worry, Ma’am, the surgery will be completed really quickly,” the tech briefs and tries to take my cat from me.

“So you didn’t castrate— I mean neuter him yet, right?”  Gibberish grumbles from Suho’s throat as I place his dangling head against my chest.  

“Correct…but ma’am it’ll be qui—“

“No!  I changed my mind!” I must have sounded like a crazy lady.  “I’ll pay for  the procedure but I’ll be taking my cat home now.  I greatly apologize for the confusion.”  With that, I bow and head out the door.  

“Suho…Suho…my baby…I’m sorry…” I apologize as I try to awaken the cat.  Shaking him wasn’t working and feeding him water wasn’t either.  Passerby on the street stare at me as if I had just abused my cat.  One even asked if I needed to call animal rescue.  

It isn’t that I couldn’t wait it out, but the pain written on his face broke my heart.  He must have been so scared, thus, to this moment, he’d rather drift in half-consciousness than to fall asleep.

“Honey, take a nap, okay?  When you wake up, everything will be okay.  I won’t get you neutered,” I stroke his head and coax but his head continues to totter around.  

Flattening my lips, I head into a local gas station and purchase a large water bottle.  I place the intoxicated cat against the cement ground of the parking lot and hold the water over his head.  Gush of water splashes down, drenching Suho from head to toe.

“That should do the trick…” I proudly dust off my hands and prepare to dry the cat with my hoodie.  But the scene before me seems straight out of the comic book.  I’m so ridden in shock that I can’t even blink.  Fluffy white fur rescinds back into the epidermis, stubby limbs lengthen, Junmyeon’s boyish features start to form...  It’s the same scene I had witnessed that night I fell ill, just this time, everything is crystal clear.  Cupping my hands over my gaping mouth, I lose my balance and fall backward from my squat.

Human voices from behind reawakens me.  Gasping, I immediately rip off my hoodie and tie it around Junmyeon’s hips to cover his goods.  A few slaps against his cheeks doesn’t seem to do much and I can’t bear to hit him anymore so instead, I lift him up and throw his arm over my shoulder.  

“Junmyeon-ah…” I soothe.  “Le-let’s go home…” I grunt.  

Though, Junmyeon is quite skinny for a guy, he built still towers over my smaller frame.  In addition, the fact that my lover’s almost bare body is being paraded in public makes me anxious.  I stumble down the street carrying the drugged male.  A groan evokes from the man’s throat and he thrashes around trying very hard to shake off the effects of the anesthetics to no avail.  His slurred movement only causes the journey back home to be quite the struggle.  Now, instead of a knocked out cat, I am hauling a full-grown, naked man.  

“Is he okay?  Do I need to call an ambulance?” someone passing by offers.

“No,” I quip.  “He’s my husband; he just had too much to drink at his party…” I lie and nervously laugh.  

“I think you’re sexy too!” Junmyeon suddenly shouts, lifts his arm, and smacks my bum.  With widened eyes, I cover Junmyeon’s face and lower my head out of embarrassment.  People on the street muffle back giggles.  Some start to disperse after acknowledging that I didn’t kidnap this man and that I’m merely a tormented wife trying to carry her delirious husband back after his wild company party.  “I want to make love to you too!” my said husband makes another public announcement.  

“Junmyeon!” I hush as my face paints in beet red.  

Someone whistles, “Get that pussy, Bro!”

Separating himself from me, he points in my direction and confesses, “I love her!”    

“Junmyeon-ah!” I throw both of my arms around him and drag him off.

“I will protect her with my life!  Don't you bad people dare try to hurt her!” he innocently warbles.  

By the time, I haul him up the stairs and get my way into the house, I’m completely depleted of battery.  With one last grunt, I toss him onto the bed but my lack of balance causes me to topple over and land on top of him.  I groan and try to get myself up but Junmyeon tosses his strong arms around me.  

“Don’t…leave…” he begs in his sleep.  I melt back against his chest.  Thoughts rush through my mind.  It feels as though I’m in some sci-fi movie.  My brain questions his devotion but my heart acknowledges it.  

“I won’t…” I promise and round my arms around his torso.  For the first time, I don’t have any sensual desires as I lie with him on the same bed.  Instead, my kiss against his dry lips is delicate and innocent.

A/N: Finally, she knows!  Next chapter is the one everyone’s been waiting for hahaahahaha.  If you know what I mean...

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[writingismyhappytime]

There is no Ryder without Jaal Ama Darav: Part 6

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

This has been edited by @allieasweets, she did a lovely job! 

They could see Meridian.

Kind of.

Currently the floating black sphere was surrounded by a massive fleet of Kett ships.

Honestly it terrified Sara to look at them. All those things wanted to kill her and the people she cared for.

She saw a Resistance ship fly by the Tempest. It reminded her she had her own fleet.

Resistance, remnant, exiles and Initiative ships surrounded the Tempest. Both sides seemed equal in numbers, as the stared each other down.

Without warning, the Archon himself appeared on the view screen in front of Sara. “You continue to defy your limitations. Impressive.”

Sara caught a glimpse of Scott. Physically he looked unharmed, but his eyes were wide, filled with panic. “Are you okay?” She asked, ignoring the Archon completely.

“I’m fine, but be careful he’s fucking crazy! He’s saying if we don’t submit he’ll use Meridian to kill everyone.” Scott yelled, struggling against invisible bonds. “That’s why he took me and SAM.”

The Archon looked over his shoulder at Scott. “You say that as if I should feel guilty. Exaltation is a gift. Those who don't see that deserve to die.” He returned his gaze to Sara. “You may still command the Remnant, but that began with your SAM and the implant and now I have both. But since you insist on interfering Pathfinder, I'll give you my full attention.”

“Why not just come out and fight me? I bet I can take you on, you snubbed nose prick.” Sara took a step forward, challenging the Archon but he cut the communication without responding.

Kett ships began to fly toward them, firing as soon as they were in range. The Remnant returned fire but it wasn’t enough. The Remnant were fast enough to dodge the strikes but the Initiative species and Angara were being shot to pieces.

“That's more than we thought!” Suvi exclaimed.

“We’ve got this!” Sara barked back.

But she could see the ships being blown to pieces. Hear the terrified screams of pilots as they took their last breaths, praying to whatever Gods they believed in.

Various pilots could be heard across the comms.

“They're closing on all sides!”

“We need cover. Hug the Remnant.”

“Rock in a hard place! Ryder? Ryder!”

Sara slammed her fist on the controls. She couldn’t lose anymore people!

Think Ryder, think! She looked down at her hand, a light bouncing off her father’s N7 glove and into her face. What would her father do?

She looked out at the warscape ahead of her. Tendrils of scourge snaked and weaved its way across the battlefield, chasing the remnant ships with fervent determination.

That’s it! If the Remnant was able to move the scourge to get to Meridian, why couldn't she manipulate the scourge to surround the Kett?

“Kallo, how close can you edge the scourge?”

“Too close?” His voice squeaked in surprise as he looked up at her. “Why?”

“Bring us in tight so we can group the Remnant.” Sara smirked. “We’re going to use one massive galactic nightmare against the other.”

Sara closed her eyes as they flew close to the scourge. She commanded the Remnant ships to surround the Tempest, getting them as close as she could. She didn't have to open her eyes to know the scourge was following them now; it’s presence feeling like a weighted rope tied much too tightly around her core. Tugging on her. Making her feel heavy.

What a sight they must have been to the Archon! A ragtag volunteer army able to command such a powerful weapon that eluded him for so long. His obsession now attacking his forces with deadly force.

Kallo’s laughter made Sara open her eyes. “Yes!”

“Never been so glad to see that stuff!” A pilot yelled over the intercom.

“Get to the Hyperion!” Sara commanded the ships around her before turning her attention to the asshole that had popped back up on her screen. “Yo, dick head. This cluster fuck is your fault. I’m going to knock you down and cut you limb to limb.”

He snarled at her. “You wish to force my hand. So be it.” Sara watched as he turned to Scott raising his hand at him. A little robot flew over and began scanning Scott who gasped in pain. “Unlike you and the Pathfinder, I do not require an implant. I have yours. You’ve made this much more difficult Pathfinder,” Scott let out a scream, “but not for me.”

Abruptly, a hole in Meridian’s black exterior formed, a bright magnificent light emanating  out as the Archon’s ship disappeared into it.

Sara followed suit.

“What the--?” Sara trailed off, captivated as the Tempest came through the clouds of Meridian. It was a beautiful planet. Almost reminiscent of Earth, except for the alien architecture. And the Kett.

Oh, and they were now falling to the ground.

“Kallo!”

“Sorry. Gravity's inverted.” Kallo made the appropriate adjustments.

“Can’t see the Hyperion,” Suvi said as she typed away at the console in front of her. “Extrapolating from last known position.”

“It wasn't built for landing. We’ll beat it down.” Kallo mumbled. “Like it or not.”

“Wherever the Archon goes to ground, that’s where we're headed.” Sara ordered, walking off the bridge to the lower level where her ground team, Drack and Jaal, were in the Nomad waiting.

“Time to kill some Kett.” Drack patted a hand on her shoulder once she was behind the wheel.

Jaal placed a hand on her leg giving it a loving squeeze. “Stay strong, darling one.”

Looking between the two, Sara patted Drack’s hand with her left and squeezed Jaal’s hand with her other. “Be careful, both of you.”

Gil’s voice came over the intercom, breaking the sentimental moment. “Hot drop in five, four, three…Good luck Pathfinder.”

The bay door flew open and Sara stepped on the gas shooting them out of the Tempest and into the open air.

“Brace yourselves.” She growled as they hit the ground with enough force to give a proper concussion if they hadn't been strapped in.

Bringing the Nomad to a halt, Sara opened the door and peered up at the sky. “Fuck.”

Right above them was the Hyperion floating effortlessly across the sky. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful-- if only for a moment.

The Archon’s voice cut through the comms.

“Pathfinder. I’ve arranged a ‘distraction’ while I find Meridian’s controls.”

“I’m going to head butt him!” Sara growled as she jumped back in the Nomad and raced toward the Archon’s ship.

Drack laughed heartily. “Are you sure you’re not part Krogan, kid?”

Before Sara could reply, a distressed Suvi came over the comms. “Pathfinder, it’s nav-dead. That’s why we lost it. Looks like maneuvering thrusters only.”

“The Archon’s betting we won’t chase him with the ark at risk!” As much as Sara wanted to save the ark, she knew, logically, that it was smarter to chase the Archon and take him out first.

She sent a small prayer up to whoever was listening to keep the ark safe.

“We’ll guard the Hyperion.”

“Kandros!” Sara exclaimed, having never been happier to hear his voice. “Is anyone else with you?”

“The whole damn cavalry.” Reyes Vidal’s sultry voice floated over the comm. “You know I can’t resist a party.”

“We hold the Kett, you secure Meridian!” Evfra growled. “Stay safe, Olaon.”

Sara glanced at Jaal. “What does that mean?”

Jaal smiled at her. “Olaon mean younger sibling. He is calling you his family, Sara.”

Sara’s heart fluttered. “Stay strong, brother.” She shot back, driving off another cliff and smacking the ground hard.

The ships of her allies flew above her. Most headed for the Hyperion but a few ships, along with some smaller Remnant vessels, stayed close to the Nomad, shooting down any Kett ships that came close.

Even with the gas pedal pressed down completely, it didn’t feel fast enough. The combination of adrenaline in her system mixed with the electricity emanating her bun in the oven caused her left leg to bounce in an attempt to dispel the energy.

She needed to be out there.

“Pathfinder?! He’s taken them.” Captain Dunn frantic voice flooded the intercom.

“Captain Dunn? Are you okay?”

The Captain ignored her question. “The core is lit up like Christmas, but SAM isn’t talking. I think the Archon...shit, I don't know what he did. But he has Scott. Whatever Meridian can do...he will try to take it.”

“We’re not letting him!” Sara yelled as they drove under a thick layer of trees, losing sight of the sky and the Hyperion.

“Hard starboard! All power!” commanded Dunn to her crew.

“I don’t like the sound of that, Ryder.” Jaal leaned forward in his seat, trying to spot the Hyperion through the thick brush.

“Do everything you can!” Sara ordered Dunn.

As they reached a clearing, Sara’s mouth hung open in astonishment. “That’s...not the Hyperion.”

A Kett ship, larger than the Hyperion, hovered in the sky, casting a dark shadow over the Nomad.

Kandros came over the comms. “Kett are deploying to defend the Archon! Get in close!”

“Right! Get in there!” Drack huffed. Sara could tell he was as anxious, if not more so, as she was to be out of this vehicle and smashing Kett.

“He’s right!” Kallo yelled. “Mixed with the ground troops, the big ship can’t fire on you.”

“Unless they sacrifice their troops.” Jaal countered.

“Hopefully they won't.” Sara pressed the boosters on the Nomad as the drove up and over a cliff, sending them flying over the edge at top speed. They were going so fast, they barely dodged falling wreckage from destroyed Kett ships.

“Debris incoming.” Gasped Kallo.

Reyes chuckled. “Sorry for the mess!”

“At least try to hit the Kett with it!” Sara yelled, dodging more debris. “If I get stabbed with falling metal, I swear to the gods I'll haunt you Reyes.”

Reyes just scoffed.

“Structures ahead Pathfinder.” Suvi spoke over Reyes. “And major energy signals. I’m no SAM, but that’s got to be some kind of control.”

“Try to narrow the location down.”

“Yes, Pathfinder.”

They approached yet another small incline. As Sara activated the boosters, the lights inside the Nomad began to flicker and falter. Momentum took the vehicle over the edge before it slowed to a stop.

“Seriously?! They had to mess with my baby!” Sara kicked the door open and brought her flying remnant VI, Tiger out.

“Jaal stay right, Drack left. Tiger stay above and defend.”

“We fight them face to face now.” Jaal growled pulling out his modified Kett weapon.

Drack followed suit pulling out his Ruzad Shotgun. “The Archon isn’t getting Meridian. ‘Nuff said.”

“Well boys,” Sara pulled out her sniper. “Time to hunt some Kett.”

Quickly, the team made their way uphill where they spotted Kett defending a building against Initiative and Resistance forces trying to plowing through them.

“The Archon must already be inside.” Jaal exclaimed as he began shooting.

Sara shot a hole in the head of a Kett Chosen before he got a chance to stab a Resistance fighter. “He’ll use Scott to make Meridian a weapon! We can’t let that happen.”

No matter the cost. Sara said to herself.

They made their way up the hill, dodging and killing every Kett they came across. Sara could feel the electricity building again in waves. She had to get rid of it. Glancing around, she observed an asari using biotics to throw a kett against a rock till he was bloody.

Why not give it a try?

Throwing her hand out, like she had seen her biotic brother do so many times, Sara concentrated on a Kett with its back to her. She could feel the electricity in her hand intensify but nothing was happened.

“Arg!” she growled, preparing herself for another go when she was slammed up against a wall, causing her to drop her sniper.

A Kett Chosen wrapped his hands around her throat. “The Archon will praise me when he finds out I’ve ended the Pathfinder’s life!”

“Fuck you.” She gasped, grabbing his face with her electrically charged hand.

The Kett threw his head back, body convulsing from the electric shock. His hold on her neck lessened. Sara increased the charge, causing the Chosen to drop to his knees in agony.

“I’m. So. Sick ,” Sara shouted, emphasizing every word with a kick to the face. “Of you fuckin’ Kett and your higher then thou bull shit! I am going to end your precious Archon-- then whoever the fuck is above him ‘till you’re just a bad memory.”

The Kett was long dead but Sara couldn’t stop. She was seeing red. Every hateful thought, every bad memory she ever experienced was being poured into this.

These Kett creatures wanted to hurt her. Hurt her child . Her family . They deserved far worse than what they were getting.

A hand touched her shoulder and Sara spun around to attack.

“Hold up there, kid.” Drack extended his hand to her. “Kill them, but don't waste all your energy on this weakling. Save it for the Archon.”

Sara reluctantly nodded and took Drack’s hand. He escorted her to her lover who reached down and handed her sniper back. Jaal pressed a soft kiss to the hand she used to electrocute the Kett.

“Be careful.” He ordered before trudging forward. “I will not lose you.”

After reloading her gun, the trio ran up the remainder of the hill to the structure. They were almost at the opening of the building when a kett drop ship crossed above them. “Take positions!”

“More reinforcements on site, Pathfinder!” Kandros informed them.

Evfra added. “The resistance is with you, Olaon.”

“Always up for the adventure. Or whatever this is.” Reyes chimed in.

Sara couldn’t stop the smile forming across her face as friendly shuttles came to her aid, dropping more people to help her. “I’m buying you guys drinks later!”

With the added help, the team were able to cut a path through the drop ship right to the opening of Meridian’s controls. The excitement was short lived, however, as Suvi’s voice came over the comms.

“Watch out Pathfinder. That big Kett ship is coming back around.”

Looking up, Sara froze as she saw the enormous Kett ship above them. They would be fighting all day if the ship dropped soldiers down now. There would be no time to stop Archon.

Drack gave Sara a shove forward. “Don’t think, just move.”

Nodding, Sara ran toward the entrance, only to be stopped by a much smaller Kett drop ship.

“Have I mentioned how much I hate them?” Sara mumbled, jumping behind a shield beside Jaal.

“I too, hate them very much.” Jaal peeked up from his position, firing at the Kett forces.

Sara readied her weapon to join his attack when she felt it. A sharp, stabbing pain in her abdomen. She hissed in a breath, the pain too strong to ignore.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Sara gasped through gritted teeth, her hand finding it’s way to her stomach. The bioelectricity coming from her core was disjointed-- a far cry from the waves of energy that had flowed over her in the Nomad.

“Sara!” Jaal kneeled beside her, staring at her stomach with worry..

“Jaal, we can't stop.” Taking a deep breath, Sara stood shakily and began shooting at the Kett. “The faster we end this the faster Lexi can poke and prod me till everything is okay.” Sara fell back, letting Drack, Jaal, and Tiger handle the remaining Kett forces. By the time they reached the entrance, the pain had turned into a dull ache.

Sara looked behind them and spotted more Kett drop ships flying directly toward them. Sara tensed, preparing herself for another attack. But before they could even get a shot off, the ships were blown out of the sky.

Captain Hayjer the salarian Pathfinder, flew by giving Sara a small wave. Beside Hayjer was Moshae Sjefa, using her angaran bio-electricity to grab a Kett ship as Hayjer shot it down.

Off to the right, two other ships were shot down by a turian fighter ship, which she assumed was being piloted by the turian Pathfinder Avitus Rix.

The final four inbound Kett ships headed straight to initiative shuttles where the Asari Pathfinder, Vederia, and others were hovering in the sky. As the Kett ships got closer, Vederia pushed out a forceful Biotic field, destroying the ships on contact.

“Take the fight inside Pathfinder.” Hayjer said over the comms. “We’ll protect the Hyperion, but that only matters if you catch the Archon.”

“ Kill. ” she corrected. “I’m going to kill the Archon. Be careful, Pathfinders.” Sara said before turning and heading through the door.

The room was dark. Sara stood still momentarily, letting her eyes adjust before the group ran over to a gravity well in the center of the room. She gave a short whistle in Tiger’s direction, who screeched before flying behind her and attaching itself to her back.  Once he was secure she activated the orb and they began to float down.

“Tempest, we’re going in after the Archon.”

Kallo grunted. “I’ll relay the layout to anyone following.”

“Whoa!” Suvi gasped. “There is a massive energy spike, the Archon must be doing something with Meridian.”

“Standing by. Scott may need attention.” Lexi’s voice calm as it came over the comm. “Moshae Sjefa is here to look you over when this is done.”

Sara grunted in response.

Once they landed, Tiger detached from her, going back to hover above them in the offensive stance. Drack went ahead, pulling out a gigantic yellow and black Krogan hammer, ready to strike any opposition down.

Jaal was close behind Sara, looking around for enemies. She could literally feel the nervous energy rolling off him, making her stomach lurch. Glancing over, Sara saw his clenched jaw and his hard grip on his weapon.

Gods , she wanted to reach out and soothe him. Jaal was always so kind, so understanding, and she knew he was far too good for her.

All she wanted was for him and their daughter to be a happy family. No Kett. No crazy things trying killing them. Just Jaal Ama Darav and his irresistible smile was all she ever wanted. Needed .

Sara was pulled out of her thoughts by Tiger firing at a group of Kett 500 feet away. Sara jumped behind cover, took aim, and shot down Kett that were firing at Drack while he was knocking, or squashing , everyone that Jaal missed.

“Vetra’s mercs are taking it to the Kett, Pathfinder.” Suvi informed her.

“It’s like a dream. All of us working together.” Jaal said as he flashed forward, stabbing the last Kett through the chest.

Sara snorted a laugh. “Really, this is your dream? I thought maybe it’d be a bit more exciting, like you and me in bed with some silk ropes, maybe a blindfold.” She winked. “On you of course.”

Jaal growled at her. “After this I am going to devour you.”

She leaned up, nuzzling his neck and gave it a quick nip. “Promises, promises.”

Moving away from Jaal, Sara used her omni-tool to open the video feed she had going on Tiger, who was in the room ahead of them. She could make out at least a dozen Kett. Jerking her head forward, Sara and her crew walked silently up the ramp into the room.

The battle was much like the others. Their movements flowed like a beautiful symphony, each one aware of what position to take and how to protect one another.

But Drack’s swings were getting slow. Jaal’s shots getting less accurate as the battles dragged on. They needed to hurry up and get to the Archon or they would be too exhausted to continue.

As if hearing her, Kandros yelled over the comms. “Kett are on a rally! Call out! Can we hold them?”

Commander Heckt added. “The Resistance is with you.”

Suddenly Lathoul and many more of Jaal’s family came over the comm. “You ready?”

“You know it.”

“Here to fight by our cousin!”

“Together!”

Jaal pulled Sara behind him as a grenade filled with green gas exploded near them. “Let them breath through this!” Vorn snarled.

Kandros’ voice returned. “Too lean for this, Pathfinder. We risk being more distraction than help!”

“Understood.” She called back, moving from Jaal and grabbing the neck of a nearby Chosen, giving him a good zap. The electricity surged inside her again, causing her whole body to shake. The disjointed waves of energy made Sara incapable of aiming her gun properly.

“Dropships inbound!”

“So are we!” Evfra cut Reyes off. “Do we have the ability to assist?”

Sara zoned out the chatter. The more she listened, the more she worried for their safety.

As they took out the Kett, Remnant started to appear out of nowhere. She was almost happy to see them. More Remnant meant less Kett to fight.

“We’re clear but we need to regroup.” Kandros was back in her head.

“Keep going Pathfinder.” Efvra ordered. “We will shore up the rear.”

Sara nodded even though they couldn’t see and made her way through countless chambers trying to find a lead on the Archon.

She stiffened when she heard Captain Dunn.

“Getting some heat up here.”

Vetra’s little sister, Sid, replied. “Spamming remote jammers!”

Sara shook her head, knowing that there was nothing she could do for Dunn and the others. She ran up to the console where Drack and Jaal waited. Surrounding them were miles and miles of decorative looking pillars. “These pillars don't seem structural. Is this all Meridian?”

Jaal looked around in wonderment. “We thought the scourge hid other planets, but how many link through here?”

Sara shrugged before running over the bridge that the console had powered for them. Another bridge and another one.

Why couldn't there just be a straight line!

Two bridges later, they run into a chamber filled with more Kett troops and an Elder Invictor.

“The pathfinder comes!” The feminine sounding Elder yelled to his soldiers. “For the future of the Kett, we stop them here!” The metal sphere that floated around his hovering form glowed, enveloping the Invictor in orange shielding.

Sara tossed a grenade into the center of the Kett cluster before pulling out her assault rifle and firing at the Kett blown into the air by the blast..

Jaal fired at the Elder’s sphere in an attempt to eliminate the shielding.

“Pathfinder! We have a debt to pay! We are at your side!”

The ground shook as Birtak and the other Krogan scouts Sara had saved from the Archon’s ship, ran into the room.

“Good, now help us kill these pyjaks.” Drack yelled back while headbutting a weaker Kett.

Drack charged like a bull at the Elder Invictor. Before his hammer could make contact, the Elder teleported behind a Kett foot soldier.

Sara gave a low whistle getting her Remnant VI’s attention.

And the attention of the Invictor .

“Kill her!”

Sara barely had time to dodge the bullets zooming past her head. “Fuck!” she cursed, seeking cover behind a metal wall, back pressed firmly against it.

As if on cue, an overload of pain and electricity spiked throughout her abdomen again, tears pooling in the Pathfinder’s eyes from the sheer intensity of it.

“Aim for the metal ball around the Elder.” She said through clenched teeth. “Once it’s destroyed signal for me, understood?”

Tiger screeched at her before flying out into the battle.

Sara locked her assault rifle back into place, exchanging it for her sniper rifle. Her vision doubled as she tried unsuccessfully to reload the gun.

“Fuck!” she hissed, dropping the thermal clip on the floor.

A large, unfocused blob crouched in front of her reaching toward her. This was it. Her final moment. Before she had the chance to pull out her knife on her omni-tool to attack it, a large familiar hand touched hers.

“You don’t look good kid.” Drack stated matter-of-fact as he reloaded her gun for her.

Uncontrollable tears flowed freely from her eyes. A myriad of emotions crossed her face. Pain. Fear. Relief. Pain . Shaking her head, Sara wiped her eyes and let out a gasping breath. “It hurts,” was all she was able to get out before Tiger let out a loud screech.

Grabbing her gun, Sara turned around to fire at the Elder only to miss. She fired again, grazing the side of his face. Ryder took aim when the searing pain in her core twisted and consumed her, forcing her to her knees, a breathless scream escaping her lips.

“Give me.” Drack grabbed her sniper rifle and unloaded the clip into the Elder’s chest, the body dropping to the cold floor with a loud thump.

Unaware of what had just transpired, Jaal and the other Krogan finished off the remaining Kett. Drack knelt down beside Sara, his large hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Keep breathing kid, slow steady breaths. Stay calm.”

Sara followed his instructions, inhaling deeply through her mouth before slowly letting it out her nose. She repeated the action over and over till the shooting stopped and her heart rate slowed.

Across the room, Jaal scanned the chamber for Ryder. He had lost sight of her during the firefight. His eyes locked onto her form, legs bent toward her chest and head lowered.

“Sara!” He dropped down opposite of Drack and placed his hand on her back where Drack’s had been. Sara bit her lip hard as the pain became too much to bear.

Jaal carefully pulled her so her back was against his chest while he placed his hands on her stomach. “Shhh, love. Let me help.” A sigh of relief fell from Sara’s lips as the excess current flowed from her and into Jaal.

“Does this happen to Angara women?” Drack asked.

Jaal didn't answer the question instead pulling her tighter against him, pressing his lips to Sara’s temples. “When we leave this place we are going straight to the Moshae.” Carefully, Jaal helped her up. “Can you continue?”

Sara nodded. The pain was still present, in a reduced capacity, but would have to be ignored for the sake of their mission. She hoped nothing terrible was happening to their daughter.

“Good, then stay by my side.”

“Pathfinder!” Birtak and the other Krogan ran up to them. “We will stay with you till the section is secured.”

The group made their way to a door up the ramp. Sara found herself leaning heavily on Jaal as they walked. He wrapped an arm around her waist, helping her press her hand against the door control, unlocking it..

They were about to walk through the open door when Suvi came on the comms. “Pathfinder! Multiple system failure on the Hyperion.”

“Damn it.” She cursed. “Dunn? Captain Dunn, is there anything we can do?”

“Stay out of our way!” Dunn sounded frazzled.

“Dunn!”

There was no reply. Just static. She moved away from Jaal and began calling for anyone to answer her. “Suvi? Kallo? Kandros? Someone tell me whats going on!”

“A wing got blasted off.” Kallo yelled. “The Hyperion is gonna crash!”

“Protect it!”

“No one is close enough. She’s going to crash in 20 seconds.”

Sara let out a frustrated screamed, accidently sending out a low electrical shock, not enough to do damage anyone but Jaal looked worried. She opened her mouth to ask if that was normal, but the ground shook around them.

“Captain Dunn? Captain Dunn!” Sara’s could feel another electrical charge as her heart raced.

“Still here, Ryder, Cryo pods...intact.” Captain Dunn voice was shaky as she spoke. “Give the Pathfinders my thanks, and the Archon the tip of your boot.”

Sara barked out a laugh. “I’ll feed him my whole shoe if you don't ever scare me like that again.”

Reloading her gun, Sara turned back to the door, adrenaline replacing most of the pain. “Alright guys, time to kill the Archon.”

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