#this is definitely angstier than i anticipated | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thewintersoldierdisaster · 1 year

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a/n: this one actively broke my heart while writing it and i hope i did the topic justice. title came from a song on @pyotrkochetkov ‘s barzy playlist and i just knew i had to write something angsty for it. a bunch more happy and smutty long fics and headcanons are coming! seriously, let me know what you thought of this one - much heavier and angstier than i usually write 😬 ignore any inconsistencies, i’m not an expert on this particular medical procedure or professional hockey team travel

word count: 7k

tw: miscarriage, subsequent emotions

summary: on a mini trip to vancouver to watch andrei play, you suffer the worst loss of your life. andrei is your rock throughout the ordeal

Vancouver is a fun city - maybe not as fun as Raleigh or New York, but fun nevertheless - and you’re excited that part of the Canes’ Western road trip fell close to Thanksgiving weekend so you could join in for a bit of it without having to miss too much time at work. Part of your goal this season, your first married to Andrei, is to see him play in every arena. You’ve managed a few of the east coast arenas so far, but this is your first time out west. Nykki joined you too, so it’s like a mini-girls’ trip rolled into a ‘supporting our men’ trip.

The team’s there before you and Nykki get to Vancouver, having already played in Seattle two days before. It’s actually been slightly more than a week since you’ve seen Andrei in person and you miss him a lot. You’ve been with him for four years now, so you’re used to the travel and not seeing him for chunks of time, but this week feels extra hard. Luckily, after this little West Coast swing, Andrei will be home for a good chunk of time - the quirks of the NHL schedule are always insane to you.

You and Nykki get dinner before the game, discussing her wedding plans. It’s scheduled for early August, but time is already flying. You’re a bridesmaid, but you’ve been pushing off picking a dress, knowing that it’s not going to fit you by the time the wedding happens. Your fingers curl carefully against your stomach, hidden by the table and the bulk of your sweater, your little secret.

Butterflies roll in your stomach, excitement mingling with nerves, knowing that you’re going to tell Andrei the news after the game tonight. It’s so early in your marriage, and you’re definitely freaking out a little bit, but the idea of a little baby that looks like Andrei is enough to help the excitement win out.

“Martin wants to do Bali for the honeymoon,” Nykki tells you while you find your way to your seats. You bought tickets for the lower bowl, wanting to be in the middle of the crowd and all the excitement. The Canucks fans are already a little rowdy, with warmups halfway over. There’s a few Canes jerseys smattered through the crowd, but it’s certainly an uneven match.

You sip at your overly large Coke, your stomach turning a little. Dinner isn’t sitting right with you, but it’s manageable for now. “Bali’s nice, I mean, so I’ve heard. But what’s the weather like in August?”

Nykki points at you, her other fingers wrapped around her beer can. “That’s what I said! I thought it would be unbearably hot and humid, but apparently it’s gorgeous - 86 and barely any rain,” she grins. “I promised he could be in charge of the honeymoon, so I think we’re going to Bali.”

“Well,” you smirk back, “there are worse places to spend two weeks with your gorgeous NHL player husband, Nyk.”

She laughs and takes a sip of her beer, eyes twinkling. “You have a point there. How about you and Andrei? What are the big summer vacation plans?”

You pause, thinking of an answer because you’re anticipating having a newborn this summer, so a vacation isn’t likely to happen. Andrei’s been floating the idea of a mini European tour - hitting Rome and Paris for a few days each before heading to Russia for a little bit to visit family. But you haven’t really committed to plans since it’s only November and you have plenty of time. “We haven’t really talked about it,” you answer Nykki truthfully. “Drei’s been focused on the season and I’ve been busy with work. He doesn’t like to plan anything before the end of the regular season anyway.”

“Superstition,” Nykki sing-songs, putting her beer in the cup holder as she stands for the anthems. You get to your feet, pulling off your baseball hat and holding it over your heart, humming along with both anthems. You shift your weight from foot to foot, stretching out your lower back a little.

The puck drops and the game starts - Andrei’s almost immediately put in the penalty box, complaining and shouting at the ref the entire time he skates over. His hands fly in the air as he gestures, but his passion isn’t moving the ref at all and he takes his seat in the box, slumping down. You laugh, shaking your head affectionately. He’s a sweetheart off-ice, but on the ice, Andrei is a borderline criminal. He’s leading the team in penalty minutes and you’ve definitely heard plenty about how he doesn’t deserve it.

The game clock ticks down, Andrei’s released from the box and immediately scores on a breakaway. You and Nykki jump from your seats, screaming and cheering with the Canes up one to nothing. The Vancouver fans around you glare and chirp, but you and Nykki just laugh, giving back as good as you get.

It’s pure fun to be supporting the visiting team and you and Nykki thoroughly enjoy yourselves, dancing to the music and gossiping during TV timeouts and slower moments. Nykki gets another beer and you refill your soda, your stomach still acting up. The popcorn Nykki gets is too salty and you end up joining the crowd when they start throwing their own snacks at the refs. It’s a penalty called on the Canucks, which is good news for you, but the crowds enthusiasm is infectious.

The fans of the Canadian teams are definitely a little more intense and vocal with their displeasure with the refs, you’ve noticed. A particularly obscene chant breaks out when Brady dances around one of the Canucks’ defensemen to set up a powerplay goal for Brent Burns.

You and Nykki throw your arms up and cheer, screaming yourselves silly. Your stomach cramps a little and it puts a damper on the celebration and also serves as a reminder that you really need to see a GI doctor to determine if you’re actually lactose intolerant or if you have a gluten allergy. You grimace and sit back down, clenching your stomach a little, which seems to help. The rest of the second period flies by and the boys are up two to one.

The people around you start to shuffle off to get more food or go to the bathroom, now that the second intermission has started. You finish the rest of your soda and shift in your seat. Nykki looks over at you curiously. “You okay? You seem like you’re kind of uncomfortable,” she says, twisting her hair back into a ponytail.

“I’m fine,” you hum. “My back is killing me though. I must’ve tweaked it on the flight over.”

“You want an Advil?” Nykki’s already shaking around her purse and you can hear things rattling around.

“Let me go refill my drink, pee, and then yeah, I’ll take an Advil,” you reply, holding the reusable cup to your chest and getting out of your seat. Nykki pulls her knees to the side and you scoot past her, stopping when she makes a little noise. “What?”

“Babe, I think you need a tampon too,” she whispers, gesturing to the back of your jeans.

Your eyebrows draw together. You’re not getting your period anymore. “Tamp-?” The word catches in your throat and your eyes go wide. Your mind spins as the pieces start clicking into place and, as if to serve as the final kick in the ass sign, your lower stomach twists unpleasantly with a sharp cramp. Tears fill your eyes and you reach down to grab Nykki’s hand. “Um, surprise, I’m pregnant, but maybe see should go to the hospital or an urgent care?”

Half a dozen emotions cross Nykki’s face before it settles on shock, but all you can focus on now is the persistent cramping in your stomach. The cramping that’s been bothering you all day and you ignored, thinking nothing of it. God, you’re a terrible mother already.

“Okay, okay,” Nykki jumps to her feet, squeezing your fingers and dragging you out of the row and up the stairs to the main concourse. Her other hand is gripping her phone tightly and she’s jabbing at it with her thumb. “I’m calling an Uber. The hospital is like a ten minute drive.”

You nod, feeling numb as Nykki drags you along, your feet stumbling to keep up as you dart around the people waiting in lines for the bathroom and for food. How could your whole night - your whole life - have just taken a complete one-eighty in the matter of minutes. The cold Vancouver air hits your face like a slap, shocking some feeling back into your body. You wish it hadn’t.

The cramping is worse, the feeling between your legs - blood - like free bleeding during your period, but worse, so much worse.

Your stomach lurches and you rip your hand from Nykki’s grasp, bending at the waist and vomiting into a bush next to the entrance to the arena. “Oh, it’s going to be okay. Let it out,” Nykki’s voice is soothing and she rubs a hand in between your shoulder blades while your stomach seizes and you vomit again, spitting into the dirt.

Tears streak down your cheeks and your throat burns now. “I want Andrei,” you whisper, heart clenching with grief.

“Let’s get you to the hospital,” Nykki guides you towards the rideshare pick-up area, where a four-door sedan is already waiting. “I’ll get a hold of him somehow, but let’s take care of you first, okay?”

You let her bundle you into the backseat of the car and swallow back your tears, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes hard enough to see starbursts. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath, you try to calm down, you don’t know what’s happening for sure. Even though it feels very much like the end of something, you have to find a little piece of hope to keep yourself sane. The driver catches your eye in the rear view mirror as he pulls out of the arena parking lot, his mouth twisted down in a concerned frown even as his eyes are slightly judgmental. He’s driving you from a hockey game to a hospital - god knows what he’s thinking about you.

Nykki squeezes your knee and smiles gently at you, even as she’s typing on her phone with her other hand. “It’s still intermission, no one’s going to have their phone on them, but I’m trying to see if I can get through to one of the trainers or something. Just stay calm and we’ll figure it out,” she’s no-nonsense and you’re so grateful for her taking control of the situation.

Your lower back complains as the driver hits a pothole and another leak of fluid rushes between your legs. The drive is too long and too short all at once and before you know it, you’re being admitted to the Vancouver General Hospital emergency room and deposited on a bed, a curtain drawn around you. A nurse with warm, sympathetic eyes and a kind smile does your intake, her lips twisting to to side as you’re answering her questions.

“I just found out a few days ago,” you whisper, starting your fingers together. “I haven’t even told my husband.”

“Mrs. Svechnikov,” the nurse pats your arm comfortingly, “we really don’t know anything for sure until we get an ultrasound. Try not to put added stress on your body.”

You don’t even bother correcting her about your last name, the Russian name sounding strange in her Canadian accent. Nykki comes behind the curtain, clutching her phone. “There’s about ten minutes left in the third,” she says. “I can’t get ahold of anyone, but I’ll keep trying.”

“We’re going to get an OB down here and check everything out, okay?” The nurse says kindly, but brusquely, and then disappears back into the main emergency room. You roll your neck so your cheek is resting on your shoulder and a few tears leak out of your eyes.

“You didn’t leave any messages or anything for Andrei, right?” You ask. “I don’t want him to see and freak out.”

Nykki brushes your hair off your forehead and shakes her head. “No, I left a few messages for Martin to call me as soon as he could. I figure I’ll get to Andrei that way. Do you need anything?”

“Just Andrei,” you hiccup a sob, pressing a shaking hand to your mouth. Your other hand hovers over your stomach, afraid to touch it. The bleeding hasn’t stopped, so despite what the nurse said, you know it’s a miscarriage. Your stomach rolls and you press your lips together tightly so you don’t vomit.

“I’ll get him here as fast as I can,” Nykki reassures you. While you wait for the OB, she absently braids your hair back from your face, tying it off in an efficient, utilitarian French braid down your back. She talks as she works, trying to distract you, and you’re grateful for her efforts even if they don’t work. All you can think about is the little life that had been growing in you just a few hours ago. Your heart lurches painfully when you realize Andrei’s going to find out about the pregnancy and the loss all at once.

The OB is a middle-aged Black woman with a slight Canadian accent who introduces herself as Doctor Hayes and she doesn’t sugarcoat the news, which you appreciate. “I’m very sorry, Mrs. Svechnikov,” she sighs, looking very much like she hates this part of her job. “But you are actively miscarrying right now. We’re going to admit you overnight for monitoring and will reevaluate in the morning.”

Your entire body goes cold at her words and you grip Nykki’s hand - you hadn’t let her leave your side, terrified to be alone. A cramp rips through your lower body and you bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. “What-“ your voice is hoarse and you clear your throat, trying again, “what, um, are the next steps?”

Doctor Hayes rests her hands on the guard railing on your bed. “Well, we’ll have you on a hydration IV throughout the night while we monitor the miscarriage. There may be a need for a D and C, to make sure it’s complete and there’s no tissue left behind.” Your face blanches as she talks. “But all of that will depend on what happens tonight.”

“Thank you,” you murmur and she pats your hand gently, sympathetically, as she leaves. You can hear her giving the nurse instructions and you slump back against the pillows, completely drained.

Nykki checks her Apple Watch and grimaces. “It’s Martin. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Be gentle with Andrei, okay?” You reply, desperately wanting him at your side, but also wanting to protect him from this heartbreak a little longer.

She’s back in a few minutes, after the nurse has started you on an IV. “Martin’s going to bring him over,” she says, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t tell him why you were here, just that you started to not feel well during the second,” she says. “It sounded like Andrei was halfway out the door before Martin could finish his sentence.”

You nod faintly. That sounds like Andrei. “I hope they don’t get slammed by Rod for leaving…” You twist your wedding rings around your finger, the diamonds catching the fluorescent lighting.

“They won’t,” Nykki says firmly. “He’d have to be a real bastard to punish Andrei for coming to the hospital for you. Besides, someone should’ve been available to get Andrei here earlier! It’s ridiculous.”

“Let him have an extra hour of normalcy,” you sigh, shifting on the bed, sore and uncomfortable.

You’re moved into a private room and given a hospital gown that bares your entire back and ass. A giant pad that’s probably as big as a damn puppy pee pad is wedged in between your legs to contain the bleeding and the IV is tugging unpleasantly at your skin. Nykki’s waiting downstairs to bring Andrei directly to you and you hope he’s here soon because now that you’re alone, the reality of the situation is sinking in and your chest is starting to feel tight. You turn your head and try to bury your face in the pillow, but you catch a whiff of the lingering Tom Ford Lost Cherry perfume you’d applied earlier mixed with antiseptic and sterile hospital smell and your brain briefly registers that it’s a shame, because you really love this perfume and now you’ll never be able to wear it again. Your heart thumps painfully in your chest, a reminder that you’re losing more and more of your baby with each passing second.

You hear him before you see him, the pounding of his footsteps echoing through the hallways. He’s running down the hall, that much is clear, and when you look over at the door, you catch the blur of Andrei skipping completely past your room before he doubles back and skids to a stop in the doorway.

He looks terrible - hair still damp with sweat, the red mark across his forehead from his helmet is still prominent, and he looks like he got dressed in the dark - or an extreme hurry - in a pair of basketball shorts and his button down with the buttons done up all wrong. But it’s the look of complete panic in his eyes that scares you the most. Andrei never looks that panicked.

“Solnyshka,” he breathes, his shoulders dropping from around his ears. In three long strides he’s at your side, holding your hand, and you finally feel like you can breathe.

“Hi,” you whisper before bursting into tears.

“Hi,” he replies softly, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. His grip is almost painful, but you welcome it as you hiccup. “What’s going on, solnyshka?”

Insanely, the only words that come out of your mouth are, “your shirt is buttoned wrong.”

Andrei looks surprised, “what?” he asks absently as his gaze flickers down to his shirt. He shakes his head, “I rush. Solnyshka,” his voice is high and nervous, “what is going on? Neci didn’t know anything. Just that you’re here, in hospital.”

“I…Andrei, I’m so sorry,” the words rush out of your mouth on a flood of fresh tears. “I was pregnant and now I’m not. I lost the baby.”

You’re not even sure if Andrei can even understand you, you’re crying so hard. But one glance at his face and the completely shattered expression it wears, and you know he understood you. His fingers tighten around yours and he’s shaking his head, hair falling forward over his forehead.

“What? I don’t - a baby?” He rubs at his forehead with his other hand, eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “When did you - why didn’t -“

He can’t seem to get a full sentence out and it only makes you cry harder, your entire body hurting with the effort. You know what he’s asking though.

“Last week,” you manage. “The day after you left. I was going to tell you tonight, but…” You trail off, shrugging one shoulder.

Andrei’s head hangs, chin to chest, and he makes a little noise in the back of his throat. “I’m so sorry, milaya,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

The worst of your tears are drying up and you shake your head. “It’s not…I had Nyk. I hate that you had to find out like this. Baby and then no baby, all at once,” your voice cracks and you trace the little embroidered A.S. on his cuff, barely able to look at him.

Your husband sighs and drops his head so he can rest his forehead against yours. He smells like sweat and fear and Old Spice and your throat clogs with emotion again. “I thought…” he breathes. “I hear hospital and I think the worst. I thought the worst.”

This is the worst, you think. The worst possible thing. But you know what he means, that he thought something even more awful had happened to you, that he was worried he lost you because he didn’t know there was something else to lose.

Andrei’s lips brush against your cheek, soft and delicate, the rasp of his stubble a stark contrast. You sit like that, foreheads touching, for who knows how long. Andrei doesn’t cry, but his chest hitches and you think he might, maybe, when it all sinks in. You’re all cried out and now there’s just bone-deep exhaustion.

“i’m tired,” you murmur, the words getting lost between you.

Andrei nods against your forehead and pulls back, looking like it takes him a huge effort to sit back up. He cups your cheek and his thumb strokes a careful arc over your cheekbone. You lean into the familiar gesture, comforted. “Sleep, okay? I’ll…I have to call Rod. Get my stuff. I’ll take care of everything,” his voice is steady, but his eyes are clouded.

You nod, your eyelids already closing. Andrei gets up and brushes his lips over your forehead, murmuring that he loves you. Once he’s outside the room, you can hear him talking quietly to Nykki and Martin, but your grief and exhaustion pull you under before you can really concentrate on what he’s saying.

Sleep doesn’t last and you’re awake again after a few hours. You blink awake blearily, confused for a second before everything comes rushing back. Andrei’s scrunched up in a chair in the corner, his chin propped up on the palm of his hand, eyes shut. He changed in the time since he left, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. His legs are kicked out in front of him, a pair of white sneakers on his feet. You don’t want to wake him, but when you shift, a sharp pain pierces your side and you gasp loudly before biting down hard on your tongue to muffle the noise. It doesn’t work and Andrei’s eyes fly open, his entire body jerking.

“Hey,” he’s at your side in a second, “what hurts? I call a nurse?” His accent is thick with sleep and worry.

You shake your head, the pain subsiding. “I’m fine.” And you are, the worst of the cramps are gone, leaving just a vague soreness and uncomfortable tightness in your chest and stomach. “You should’ve gone back to the hotel.”

“And leave you?” Andrei looks at you like you’re crazy. He shakes his head. “I got my bag and Nykki brought yours back. Do you want anything?”

“No,” you reach for his hand and lace your fingers together. “I just want to go home.”

He nods, looking exhausted. “Me too. I spoke to Rod, if you’re discharged later today then you come with us on the plane. If not, I stay and come home with you when you’re ready,” his lips quirk up at the corner when you start to protest. “Is decided, solnyshka. I’m not leaving your side.”

“But…” you trail off, all the arguments that you can think of fading when you realize that you don’t want to be separated from Andrei, not right now. “Okay,” you whisper.

“Good,” he chuckles under his breath. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“No arguments from me,” you reply dryly, rolling your head so your cheek is on the pillow and you can look directly at him. “Why don’t you try and sleep some more? I’m not going anywhere.”

His jaw tightens a bit. “Can’t sleep,” he replies, even though you had just seen him asleep. “If the doctor comes, I want to be awake.”

You nod again, sore and tired, and Andrei just sits with you quietly for a while before you think to ask, “how was the game?”

He snorts. “We won, but who cares?” It’s such an unexpected answer - Andrei’s never not cared about winning a game - and it startles you into silence.

A nurse comes in a few minutes later, saving you from having to find an answer. She introduces herself as Kayla and speaks in a soft, but firm tone. You’re starting to recognize the undercurrent of apology and sympathy in the nurses and doctors’ tones and you’re beginning to hate it. Andrei doesn’t let go of your hand while she checks your vitals and puts another bag of saline on the IV pole. “The OB will be in soon to do another ultrasound and see if you need a D and C,” Kayla says gently. “But everything else looks good. You won’t be staying another night and I would guess that you’ll be out of here by early afternoon at the latest, either way.”

You nod robotically, not really absorbing what she’s saying. By this afternoon, everything will be over and you’ll for sure, 100% not be pregnant anymore. It’s a gut punch, even though you knew this was coming. Andrei asks the nurse a few more questions before she leaves, but you don’t really listen, focusing on a small stain on a ceiling tile. It looks like nothing at all, just a blob of brown, but the more you stare at it, the more your vision unfocuses, the more it starts to look like one of those stereotypical ultrasound blobs.

You don’t even realize that you’re crying again until Andrei wipes the tears from your cheeks. “Try and sleep again,” he murmurs, chewing at the inside of his cheek. “I think you’ll need strength.”

“Can you get me some water?” You ask, running your hands over the braid Nykki had done. It’s so messy and it feels like she fixed it a million years ago, but it was only four or five hours. It feels like another lifetime, sitting in the arena and joking around with her. From halfway through second intermission to a hospital room at 2 a.m. Certainly not how you were picturing the end of your trip to Vancouver.

You think you must fall asleep again because the next thing you know, there’s sun coming through the window and Andrei’s at your side again, his large hand resting on the top of your head, cradling the crown. Unfamiliar doctors and nurses are in the room and they all speak to you and Andrei, but the only words you hear are “incomplete miscarriage” and “quick procedure” before you’re being shuffled off to an operating room. It all happens too fast for you to even be scared and the last thing you remember before the anesthesia is Andrei by your ear, whispering in Russian to you, the spicy scent of his deodorant filling your senses.

Andrei’s there again, when you wake up, eyes looking red and face drawn. You’re barely conscious, but the sigh of relief he exhales permeates the fog. His hand is warm in yours and you manage a weak smile at him. “Hey there handsome,” you croak and he laughs weakly. “Miss me?”

“You…” Andrei coughs, “I love you very much.”

“Love you,” your words slur a bit. “I wanna go home.”

“Soon, solnyshka,” Andrei promises, stroking your hair. “Soon.” He’s still stroking your hair when you fall asleep again.

When you wake up again, the overwhelming sense of emptiness is what you notice first. Then Andrei comes into focus again, his weight of his head resting on your leg, his hand on your hip. You’re not sure if he’s awake or not, but you gently run your fingers through his hair and he looks over at you, shifting.

“Hi,” he murmurs, dark circles under his eyes.

“Hi,” you rasp back, fingers still working through his hair.

“How do you feel?”

“Sore, tired,” you hesitate, “empty.”

“Yeah,” Andrei’s reply is barely an exhale. “Doctor said we can go, once they give you the all-clear.”

You nod, chewing at your lower lip. “Andrei,” you choke his name, the words coming out like broken glass, “we don’t have a baby anymore.”

“I know,” Andrei replies simply, sitting up all the way and leaning forward to gather you into his arms. You go to him easily, moving carefully and ignoring the pull of your protesting muscles, and bury your face against his chest. He’s in the same black t-shirt and he smells stale now, like he needs a shower desperately, but under that he just smells like Andrei, like home, and you cry into his chest, the fabric growing wet under your face. He just holds you, his arms a strong cage around your back, his hands running up and down your back. Everything in your body hurts, but nothing more than your heart.

Throughout the next few hours, when you’re given a clean bill of health, instructions to take it easy and abstain from sex or using a tampon for three weeks, and discharged, Andrei is a rock. He’s right at your side, helping you get dressed in the soft joggers you were using as pajama pants and an oversized hoodie. He laces up your sneakers for you and carries all the bags out to the waiting Uber. You were discharged in time to make the team flight home, but after hearing Andrei on the phone before the doctor came in for your exam, you kind of suspect that he may have pressed Rod to change the travel plans. You can’t even start to think about what he’s done for you, exhaustion seeping to your bones.

No one says anything to you when Andrei ushers you onto the plane, but Neci gives you a small smile and squeezes your hand when you walk past him. You return the smile, feeling awful that Nykki has to fly home on her own. She’s been texting, checking in on you, and you haven’t answered yet, too distracted to deal with even holding your phone. Andrei bundles you into a seat near the back of the plane and wraps his jacket around you.

“Thanks,” you say quietly, resting your head against his shoulder.

“Anything for you, solnyshka,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Try and sleep, long flight. I have the pain pills, if you need, okay?”

You nod against his shoulder and wrap his jacket tighter around your body, tucking your hands up into the sleeves. Andrei rests his palm on your knee and before the plane even takes off, you’re asleep.

It’s a long flight back to Raleigh and you don’t sleep the entire way, but after a solid three hour nap, you wake up feeling better. Andrei’s asleep when you wake up, his head dropped back against the headrest, his mouth open slightly. He finally looks relaxed and peaceful and you’re grateful, so grateful, for him.

Your whole body still hurts, but your legs are starting the cramp up, so you carefully shimmy out of your seat to stretch in the aisle. Brady and Jarvy wave at you from a few rows up and you wave back, wondering what they know, if they know anything. No one really tries to talk to you, so you assume Andrei told them that you had some kind of medical emergency. Legs feeling better, you settle back into your seat, finally pulling out your phone and connecting to the in-flight wifi so you can text Nykki.

She reassures you that none of the other guys know what happened and that if you need anything when you’re back in Raleigh to let her know. You’re blessed to have such a good friend in her and you thank her, thinking that maybe in a few days you’ll see if she’ll bring Gigi over for some puppy cuddles.

Andrei wakes up about and hour before you land and he gulps back half of a water bottle before he even says anything. Then he tips his head close to yours and whispers, “how are you feeling? Any pain?”

“No,” you whisper back, “I’m okay. Just sore. It’s like being drained after a really bad period. I feel better after my nap.”

“Good,” he pushes the half-empty water bottle into your hands. “Drink.”

“Yes, sir,” you tease, the moment of lightness making you feel a little better. You sip at it slowly, starting to get a little nauseous. Andrei wraps his arm around your shoulder and you lean against him, drawing comfort from his solid warmth.

When you land, Andrei guides you off the plane, his palm reassuring against your lower back. It’s easy to let him take the lead and to not think about anything. He’s got both of your bags and you don’t even put up a fuss when he refuses to let you carry even your purse. You’re just too tired.

Andrei’s car is parked fairly close and you don’t have to walk very far. You lower yourself into the front seat of the Lamborghini, muttering, “I hate this car.” Your stomach gives a protest of pain from having to climb into the car.

“I know,” Andrei laughs a little, loosening up. His string of ugly sports cars is a long running topic of conversation. The last one was orange, the one before that a strange green. This one is electric purple and it’s hideous. His terrible taste in car colors is his only red flag. “Next one will be red.”

“Why couldn’t this one have been red?” You ask, breathing deeply to stave off the nausea. You sink back against the seat and Andrei pulls out of the parking spot. He’s driving must slower than usual and is taking extreme care with navigating the roads.

“This one was only 75 made,” he explains again. “It’s a collectors item.”

“It’s still ugly,” you tease, a smile playing at your lips.

He reaches over and takes your hand, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. “I love you so much, moya solnyshka, and I’m so…proud of your strength.”

Andrei doesn’t look at you when he says it, but his voice gets thick and he swallows roughly. He continues, “it hurts to know there would’ve been a baby in the summer.” So he did the math, you think. “But, this is maybe the wrong thing to say, but I’m glad I didn’t know before.”

It’s not really the right thing to say to you in the moment, but you can’t blame him. You sniff and nod. “I know. I almost wish I hadn’t known either. It was only a week, but I was so attached to…to the idea of our baby.”

“When you’re ready,” Andrei says slowly, turning to look at you while you’re stopped at a red light, “you tell me and I’ll give you a baby. When you’re ready.”

You nod, unable to even think about trying for a baby right now, but Andrei’s words and his earnest expression make your heart melt. You love him so, so much. “When I’m ready,” you repeat, squeezing his fingers.

When you get home, Andrei runs you a shower and joins you after a minute, soaping up your hair and scrubbing down your body gently. You don’t speak while he works and his touch is nothing but chaste. He’s careful around your stomach and between your legs, impossibly gentle with those huge hands of his. You stand under the spray while he gives his own body and hair a quick wash, the heat of the shower starting to make you a little lightheaded. Right before it gets to the point where you think you’re going to have to say something, Andrei flips the water off and reaches out of the stall for a huge, fluffy towel, wrapping you up in it and rubbing his hands up and down your arms to keep you warm. He grabs another towel and wraps it around his waist, gripping your elbow and guiding you back to the bedroom.

You rummage in his drawers for oversized clothes, not wanting anything constrictive on your body. Once you’re comfortable in an old pair of Andrei’s grey sweats and a threadbare Duke t-shirt, you crawl under the covers and curl up on your side. “Join me?” You ask, looking up at Andrei. He nods, silently climbing into bed behind you and gently scooting you closer to him. The warmth of his body is comforting against your back and he wraps his arms loosely under your breasts, avoiding your stomach. Andrei buried his face in your hair and you let a few silent tears leak out of your eyes.

What did you do to deserve this wonderful man?

With Andrei’s arms around you and your heart heavy in your chest, you fall asleep again, but it’s unsatisfying. After a few hours, you need food even though you’re still nauseous. Andrei makes himself a sandwich and warms up a can of chicken soup for you and you eat in bed, a rerun of The Nanny on TV. Andrei doesn’t really get the show - the humor is too specific - but he does like to point out all the outfits that Fran wear and he thinks you can pull off. It’s a nice distraction.

You take the next few days off of work, just to recover, but Andrei isn’t as lucky. You’re mostly fine physically except some lingering soreness, most of your problems are mental. After talking about it on the way home, neither you not Andrei has really brought up the miscarriage.

Two days after the miscarriage, the team is playing at home and Andrei’s right there in the middle of it all. You don’t watch the game, still too raw to watch hockey after what happened in Vancouver, so it’s a little shocking when he comes home with a blackened right eye and a cut across his nose and part of his cheek. “What happened?” You yelp upon seeing him, getting carefully to your feet and reaching up to lightly touch the side of his face.

Andrei grunts. “Distracted, got hit,” he winces when he moves his face.

You feel awful, knowing he was distracted because he was worrying about you. “Luckily it didn’t need stitches,” you say softly. “Can’t have anything ruining that pretty face,” you tease him lightly.

He gives you a tight smile and his gaze flickers down to your stomach, covered in an oversized sweatshirt. You catch his look and brush your thumb over the edge of his jaw. “I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me so much,” you say. “I’m tough. I’m strong.”

“I know,” Andrei sighs, dropping a kiss to your forehead. He hesitates, wanting to say more, and you wait. “At the game,” he says slowly, “Burnsie, Staalsy, they had their kids there. I couldn’t help…I was picturing…”

Oh.

Your heart cracks right over the scabs that had been forming the past two days and fresh pain floods your veins. “Drei…” you’re not even sure what to say to him. You knew he was sad, but you hadn’t really thought about how deep his feelings went.

He smiles sadly at you. “Today, it hit me,” he says, twisting his lips. “We lost a baby.”

“Yeah,” you reply, throat tight. “We did.”

Andrei pulls you close, twisting his hand in the end of your ponytail. “I wasn’t expecting it to hurt like this, when I didn’t even know for very long,” he murmurs and you can feel a few tears drip onto the top of your head. You wrap your arms around his waist tighter.

“I don’t think that matters,” you mumble. “It hurts no matter how long you knew about it.”

You can feel Andrei’s head turn, his cheek pressing against the top of your head. You just stand there in his arms, holding tightly to the only other person that’s feeling the same pain as you. The longer Andrei holds you, the more you feel your fragile heart mending itself, the steady beat of his heart a constant under your cheek.

After that, things slowly start getting back to normal. You’re physically healed and cleared to resume normal activities. Andrei’s not so distracted during games. You can go hours, days without thinking about the baby that’s gone.

Andrei mentions it, off-hand, about a month after you get home from Vancouver, after he’s back from another quick road trip. “We could’ve been telling our families about the baby at Christmas,” he’s clearly been thinking about it.

You nod, a little startled by his comment. “Probably, yeah. Or we would’ve told them already, too excited to keep a secret,” you smile a little to yourself, thinking about how Andrei almost spoiled his proposal twice before he actually popped the question because he was so excited.

He grins at you, dimple popping, and pushes a slim box across the table at you. “Early Christmas present,” he says, answering your unasked question.

Looking at him suspiciously, you pop the lid on the jewelry box, finding a thin gold chain bracelet with two delicate charms on it - the common blue and white Greek mati to ward off the evil eye and a little horizontal cross attached at each end to the chain. You trace your fingers over the chain and look up at Andrei.

“A little luck?” He says, lifting one shoulder. “I saw it in a store window, in Long Island, before we played. Made me think of you.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, getting out of your seat to kiss him softly. You trace your tongue over his lower lip and desire stirs in your stomach, something foreign after the last few weeks, but oh so familiar. You’re not quite ready to have sex yet, but it’s a good reminder that you will one day soon. “It’s perfect.” You hold out your wrist and Andrei clasps the bracelet on.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he says, reminding you of the promise he made in the car.

“Whenever I’m ready,” you repeat, crawling onto his lap and letting him hold you. The thought of getting pregnant again doesn’t make your chest feel quite as tight anymore, doesn’t get the panic alarms ringing in your head. Andrei’s been so patient and gentle, making everything just a little bit easier to bear.

Every day just reminds you that as long as Andrei’s by your side, you can handle anything life throws at you.

He kisses the side of your head and holds you close, chasing the shadows of grief away.

#andrei svechnikov imagine #andrei svechnikov #andrei svechnikov fic #andrei svechnikov x reader #andrei svechnikov x you

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galacticwildfire · 2 months

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poking in here to say I looooved the new chapter of fire meets gasoline. I love how you write Poe SO much and I'm loving seeing how his and Hope's relationship develops, and seeing how Hope herself develop. This fic is such a goddamned treat 🥰

Thank you! It's one of my favourite chapters so far, and I'm very excited for what's coming. I just adore Poe and he'll have a pov next chapter which is always fun to write, especially since things are going to get pretty chaotic.

I'd originally planned on the two of them being lukewarm towards each other at best until just before the comic arc where L'ulo's killed, mostly sexual tension and arguing up until then, but I like how things are going between them at the moment even if that affection's come far earlier than planned. It means that during the spy arc the angst will be angstier than I'd anticipated but I'm looking forward to writing some fights (and tears) between them.

Their development definitely won't be linear, it'll be very two steps forward one step back, especially since I've written Hope as being bpd coded in the same ways that Anakin was, although it will present differently. The closer she gets to Poe the more a lot of those deep seeded fears are going to pop up, especially since she's very aware of the circumstances around Anakin's involvement in Padme's death and what led him there, along with the fact that she simply hasn't coped with the physical and emotional abuse from Ben that occurred in those last few weeks before he finally turned. Because like we saw with him and Rey in TLJ, he knows how to be manipulative while fully believing that everything he's saying is true, so he fully believed that all he ever did was make her stronger when he was traumatising the fuck out of a sixteen year old. It's something Leia suspects but Poe will pick up on the extent of it as the story goes along and will absolutely despise him for it.

As a result of having seen what Anakin and Ben became, in her mind the absolute worst thing she could ever become is someone who hurts the people she loves, and she's convinced herself that the way to avoid that is to just not let anyone close. Along with the fact that the people closest to her each blindsided her and either turned on her or left her; her ex girlfriend, Ben and then Han, all within the span of a few weeks. She has some very serious abandonment issues but she'll slowly open up and let people in, not just Poe but also Black Squadron.

At the moment she's going very well mentally, she's moving past that type of thinking and letting herself be happy with other people again, but a few different things will happen that will cause her to regress. So while Poe begins to worry about things like rank and age and what Leia would think, Hope has this extremely deep seeded fear that she will destroy everything she loves and that is going to be her main conflict going forward and something that she's going to have to overcome. That being said after L'ulo's death Poe will also grapple with the fear of if he's able to handle losing another person he loves, and he's going to be a little indecisive about it (because in his mind it's all or nothing, he's either 100% devoted to her or he's going to wait until the time is right for them to take that step) which will blow up in his face more than once since by that point they're effectively in a relationship without calling it one. He'll be torn between doing what he believes is right by Hope and right as a commander, and just giving into what he feels and damning the risks, along with pretending not to be completely terrified by the fact he's fallen in love with someone who is just as self sacrificing as he is the moment they get in a dogfight.

They'll have their fights and all the rest, but the underlying thing to all of it is that they physically cannot stay away from each other, which complicates things when they're insistent on being 'just partners'.

#more than a slight infodump #but infodumping means my brain is working #fic: fire meet gasoline #oc: hope solo

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azure-blaze92 · 5 months

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A huge thank you to all those who voted and took part in deciding Caleb's fate at the end of chapter 15 ~ of A Young Candles Flame

The poll has concluded, and the results are in...the winner is

🥁 *Drum Roll 🥁

✨️NON-ANGST ENDING!!!! ✨️

Which I am happy about because Chapter 15 is getting a bit angstier than anticipated 😅 oops ~ 😁

If you were wondering what I was planning for the angst ending,

I was just going to have Caleb thrown in jail for several days.

Thank You for voting ~ I will definitely do this again! 😉

#caleb wittebane #the owl house #a young candles flame #this was so much fun #fanfic #owl house #evelyn clawthorne #philip wittebane #wittebane brothers

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

#💌ask #j 🌱#feedback !!#fic: when nobody's watching #fic: potential #fic: two people

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froggie-recs-fics · 2 years

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Hi there! I've had the most stressful week....and it's only been a day ! Could really use a nice warm cozy fic! I would definitely love a good Stucky rec.

Maybe a nice long (40k+) recovery fic? What are your faves? Dazzle me! The more the domestic Stucky the better!

Thank you!

Hi!! Sorry for the delay, hopefully your week didn't get worse!

I had a little trouble with this one, because the angstier the better for me, but I have a few here.

These are all Bucky recovering (and Steve recovering), with some fluffier than others.

Shorter than 40,000:

Need to Mean It, Concede It by hjbaltimore (M, 2K, Post-CATWS, Touch-starved Bucky, Praise Kink, HTP (but not really))

"You’re so beautiful. You’re so amazing Buck. What’d I ever do to deserve you,” he mumbled into to crook of Bucky’s neck, letting his voice drop as low it could, feeling the vibrations bounce off Bucky’s skin.

Bucky writhed underneath him. “You’re such an embarrassing sap,” he said, almost trying to sound annoyed, and failing.

Bucky just wants to have a normal sex life, one that Hydra took away to ensure a more compliant soldier. Steve just wants Bucky to be happy. When you're as starved for positive attention as Bucky is, only the gentlest touches will do.

For a prompt where Bucky can only get hard from praise and attention to non-erogenous parts of his body.

The First Rule of Book Club Is You Absolutely Talk About Book Club by Deisderium (T, 4K, Post-CATWS, POV-Outsider)

The first man to participate in Janelle's book club is a very shy long-haired guy who's probably a vet, given the prosthetic arm. She really wants the book club ladies to be his friend, and is delighted when he invites his tall blond--friend? Boyfriend? to come to book club too.

we'll eat cake by the ocean by NoStringsOnMe (T, 6K, Established Relationship)

“It’s all patience and learning, m' darlin’,” she’d say and lay a gentle kiss into his hair. “But the real special ingredient is love, you hear me, James Barnes? When you mix in your love, it turns a pauper’s meal into a king’s feast.”

|| Bucky Barnes has been to hell and back. But he's healing. Through his newly rediscovered love of cooking, he starts to come back to himself in ways he could never have anticipated.

we carry our lives around in our memories by biblionerd07 (Gen, 8K, Post-CATWS, PTSD, Memory loss)

James doesn't remember why he has a metal arm. The doctors say he had an accident and has brain damage. Sometimes he wishes he could remember. But every morning he gets to eat breakfast with his friend Steve, so it's not so bad. James thinks he and Steve might be dating, kind of. It's alright if he doesn't remember everything. Steve doesn't mind.

if you keep reaching out (then i'll keep coming back) by unicornpoe (T, 10K, Shrinkyclinks, Artist Steve, Neighbors)

“Do you mind if I work a little, Bucky?” He says Bucky’s name as often as Bucky says Steve’s, like maybe he likes the feel of it, the music of it—like maybe it’s at the top of his list, too. He’s using strong-looking hands to pick up the satchel he’d been carrying when he came over, lifting it up and sitting it on his lap. “I’m an artist, and I’ve got a couple commissions I hafta finish up here soon.”

Artist. Of course he is.

“I don’t mind,” Bucky says. He doesn’t. He likes the idea of sitting across from Steve while he works, sipping his coffee, finishing the book he was reading, and maybe looking up and meeting Steve’s eyes every now and again.

His shock-blue eyes. His eyes framed with golden lashes, like seagrass.

The Winter Soldier, and a man made of spun-strong gold.

Artist Steve Rogers moves in next to the Winter Soldier, who has been missing from the news for two years. Steve wants to paint him more than anything.

His Unspeakable Mercies by betts (M, Violence, 15K, Modern AU, Tattoo artist Steve, Veteran Bucky, PTSD)

Natasha gestures to his shoulder. “The scars. The stump. Put some art on it.” “Oh, sure. Great idea. Point me to the magic markers and we’ll make a day of it.” “Cap the sass, Barnes. I mean like a tattoo.”

Rhapsody in Pink by the1918 (E, 28K, Post-CATWS, Dom/sub)

After being chemically castrated for the entirety of his time as Hydra’s Winter Soldier, Bucky is attempting to recover his life—with the help of his oldest and best friend—when seventy years of a denied libido suddenly comes raging back in a series of graphic hallucinations. Steve is there to help.

(Or: Bucky Barnes’s dick wakes up after a seven-decade nap. It is very interested in Steve Rogers.)

* * * Post-CA:TWS / AOU canon divergence, set at the Avengers up-state facility.

Longer than 40,000:

The Best Way to Wake by LeeHan (E, 42K, Post-CATFA, Friends to Lovers, PTSD)

James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!”

In which Bucky Barnes lay frozen in the Alps for seventy years only to be woken up a year after Steve Rogers was uncovered from the Arctic.

Citius, Altius, Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger) by MarcellaBianca (M, CNTW, Underage, 50K, Sports AU, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers)

Steve Rogers. James Barnes.

One, an NHL star with dreams of finally capturing an Olympic gold medal. The other, a former World champion and Olympic silver medalist, now a current coach and choreographer for the top flight figure skaters in the Russian Federation.

But before all of that..they were Steve and Bucky.

Until they weren't.

Catchweight by notlucy (E, 56K, Shrinkyclinks, Dom/sub undertones, Falling in Love)

For the most part, Steve’s life is fine. Sure, his job is tedious, he lives with his mother, and he can’t quite get over thinking he’s wasting his potential, but maybe that’s just part of being twenty-three. Then, one day—one totally dull day—the archetypal cliche of a tall, dark, and handsome beefcake walks up to his counter, bringing with him more questions than answers, and a duffel bag full of cash.

a road less traveled by Claudia_flies, cyclamental art (cyclamental), maichan, zilia (E, CNTW, 75K, Post-Endgame, Post-Avengers, Domestic Avengers)

Steve wakes up on the cold stone floor of the foyer. He scrambles up; there’s glass shards everywhere and they crunch under his gloved hands. People are staring, holding themselves back. They must have seen the fight, must have seen two of him.

His own voice rings in his head.

“Bucky is alive!”

It’s all gone FUBAR in 2012.

There Is No Shortage of Blood by alby_mangroves, Dira Sudis (dsudis) (E, CNTW, 246K, Post-CATWS, Established Relationship, please read the tags for trigger warnings)

The long slow recovery of Bucky Barnes after his escape from HYDRA.

(And the longer, slower recovery of his sex life.)

#stucky #stucky fic rec list #stucky fic rec #mcu fic rec #mcu fic rec list #bucky barnes recovering #stevebucky #stevebucky fic rec list #marvel fic rec list #marvel fic rec #bucky barnes recovering fic rec

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lastbluetardis · 2 years

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Top 5 Fics

@sherl-grey tagged me to do a list of my top five fics. Thanks for the tag, darling! 💜 I wasn’t entirely sure if this was a top 5 kudos’ed or my top five favorite that I’ve written, but I’ve gone with the latter 😄

1. Catalysis series -- This series (currently just two stories) grew into something I didn’t anticipate. At first, it was just a fun little college AU that I wanted to play around with, but as I started writing Chemical Potential, these characters took on a life of their own and really guided the story. Then with its sequel Chemical Reaction, I had anticipated it to be a short little ten-chapter thing to guide me through their courtship, but once again, James and Rose took the story in a very different direction. I hadn’t realized how much trauma Rose was still holding on to, and I hadn’t realized how insecure James was about himself and his ability to be a good romantic partner. Chemical Reaction is by far one of my all-time favorite fics, and I suspect will continue to be one of my favorites.

2. What Makes a Family -- Once again, this story grew beyond what I expected it to be. I knew right from the start that there were two halves of the plot: James and Rose falling in love, and River returning. I expected each half to be approximately 50-75,000 words, give or take. Well, the story is currently sitting at 212,000 words, and I’ve barely skimmed the surface of the River plot, so God only knows how long this will end up being. But I am having the time of my life writing it. I love this little family. I love James and Rose and their kids, and I love destigmatizing “broken” families, and that dads can be really wonderful caregivers, and, as Rose said, “What makes a family isn’t blood or biology or DNA. It’s about love. Above all, love. And feeling safe and happy with the people you choose.”

3. Perfect Match -- This was my first baby. I’d never written a really long fic before, and certainly not such a long AU fic. But I’d read a prompt on tumblr that had me wondering how a soulmateship such as theirs would work, and how they would slowly fall into many forms of love with each other over the course of their youth, and how it would help them through tumultuous times. This series is a behemoth now, but I will always hold a spark of fondness for this story--it was definitely my gateway drug into long-fic AUs, and I haven’t really looked back since. I’m in the process of rewriting/editing this story because I’m lowkey mortified at my past writing skill/style. Which means I grew a lot since I first wrote it in 2016/2017, but still, I cringe to go back and reread some parts of it 😅

4. Sacred New Beginnings -- This story kinda crept up on me and demanded it be written. I was just vibing to Taylor Swift and suddenly ideas started tugging at my sleeve. I was so curious to explore how a relationship could begin and blossom when at least one half of the partnership was constantly in the public eye, and what it would mean for the couple. I wanted to know what sorts of trials and tribulations they would face, and also the joys and victories they would celebrate. This story let me play around with grimmer, grittier versions of James and Rose, which was a nice breath of fresh air for me.

5. In a Heartbeat -- This is an oldie of mine, something I wrote back in 2017 when I was fully in my soulmates trope obsession. It was a lot of fun to write and fairly short, it’s about soulmates who wear rings in which you’re able to feel your soulmate’s heartbeat. It was a slightly angstier/more dramatic fic than I typically write, but I really enjoyed myself.

Thanks so much again for the tag! I’m gonna tag @elialys, @melusine0811, @loupettes, @tenroseforeverandever, @lizann5869 and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it! 💜

#tag game #writing #about me

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unluckyxse7enart · 3 years

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MysMarch2021: Heal

Notes: most likely au, intended to be set post-events of “The Future”, where the gang survives, Shiromori’s still gone and presumably they beat off ???. Everyone just sorta falls back into the pattern of being a quartet somehow but also are all dealing with a lot from the incident still. This is primarily a fluffy moment w Mystery and Vivi with some minor thoughts about angstier stuff. Unofficial title:

"Kitsune in a Cone of Shame"

-------

"Mystery, what do you think you're doing?"

He winced, ears flattening to his head so much they almost disappeared entirely into the crest of fur down his neck. Vivi's voice sounded stern. He was definitely in trouble.

"Mystery. Down."

Oh no, there was the Doghouse voice.

An unintentional whine sounded from his throat, and Mystery slowly, deliberately, removed his front paws from the sofa, trying to ease back into where he had them before - he couldn't see where he was putting them, but surely it couldn't be that har-

His left paw slid against nothing, pain flared up in his side, and with a startled yip he was on his way down to the carpeted floor below. He heard Vivi gasp, all traces of anger gone and replaced with an equal measure of distress, but she couldn't move fast enough for the short distance from the coffee table to the floor. Mystery's quick descent ended not with a muffled thud, but a humiliating clunk.

Vivi made a strangled noise, and once more Mystery's ears flattened, this time in annoyance than guilt. He knew that noise anywhere. That was her 'trying not to laugh' noise.

"Mys- Mystery? Are you... *hee!* are you ok?" She asked between poorly restrained snickers, and he let out a belligerent snort, nose mercifully suspended mere centimeters from the floor. At least, it would be merciful, were it not for the fact that he hadn't landed on his face due only to the damning plastic cone around his neck. Mystery sighed in annoyance.

"My side hurts, I have a flimsy plastic cone digging into my shoulderblades, and I do believe any dignity I once had, as a creature filled with more power and wisdom than the three of you combined, has been irrevocably shattered. But otherwise, yes, Vivi, I'm 'fine'," Mystery grumbled, paddling his front legs in a feeble attempt to either find the ground or scratch the menace ruining his honor off of his neck once and for all. Neither happened, and instead all that was achieved was a renewed fit of giggles from his owner as she watched her hapless former pet flail about like a flipped turtle.

"Ok, I- al-alright, just... Just hold still, I'll help you," she managed, still giggling as she got closer. Mystery cocked an eyebrow at her, although he couldn't see her through the opaque material surrounding his head.

"I'm surprised you're not calling Lewis and Arthur in to laugh at my misery, while you're at it," he groused.

"Oh I don't need to, rest assured I've immortalized this moment for all of us - and probably the Internet - to enjoy," she replied, the smirk on her face crystal clear in the tone of her voice. Mystery let out an indignant growl, even as he felt Vivi's cool hands gently positioning themselves around his waist where it was safe to touch. Curse modern cellphone technology. He barely even heard the shutter go off in all the fuss, but he probably shouldn't have been surprised.

"Besides, Lewis's a sap who cries whenever he sees an animal in distress, and I don't think Arthur will appreciate me interrupting his work for this, even if it is objectively the funniest thing on the planet,” Vivi continued, starting to reorient him off of the table. Mystery internally flinched at the mention of Arthur. That wasn't really the reason he wouldn't appreciate it, and they both knew it.

The gang had been doing their best to pull themselves together since what has come to be dubbed, the 'Murder Mystery' incident (Vivi applauded herself for the clever name at the time she suggested it; the boys gave her looks of what she elected to interpret as tired approval). A week and a half had passed by this point and, really, the entire group was still in their own various shambles - Mystery with his severe injuries, the loss of Shiromori, coming off of a malicious possession, and drained magic; Arthur with his destroyed prosthetic and reopened traumas and recalled memories, on top of brand new ones; Lewis as... well, Lewis, except. Not as the rest of them remembered him.

Vivi arguably came out with the most gain from the situation- being able to tap into her ancestral powers, regaining her memories of Lewis, or at least enough to not have her episodes anymore at the mention of him, and while she had been injured as well, it seemed to be healing up nicely, faster than Mystery's own - but he knew she was still putting on a cheerful face to be the glue that kept the gang together. She had to.

Arthur couldn't look at Mystery anymore, and barely left his room, while Lewis alternated between seemingly clingy and aloof with Vivi - most likely a mix of guilt and yearning, although the dog couldn't tell you what went on in the ghost's mind at this point. And Mystery... well, Mystery wasn't even allowed to jump up on the couch for fear of exacerbating his injuries.

Really, everyone stuck together because... that's just how they handled such crises in the past, more than anything. They didn't know what else to do.

In the face of that, Vivi - their headstrong, kind leader Vivi - had stepped up and done her best to make sure to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Even now, as Vivi gently guided Mystery carefully into a more comfortable position on the floor, being vigilant of his injuries while lifting and adjusting him - Mystery knew she was being especially considerate of him, even with her teasing and laughing at him. She almost never handled him so gently, and normally would have called the boys in without a thought regardless.

"Mystery? You doing ok there buddy?"

Mystery was shaken from his reflections as he noticed the worried tone returning to her voice, and he turned his head all the way to look at her, ears pricked.

"Oh, yes- yes, sorry Vivi. I got lost in thought. I'm alright, I don't think anything got too hurt," he said, hoping he anticipated her worries correctly. She snorted, clearly relieved, and gave him a scritch behind the ears.

"I'd hope not. That'd be really embarrassing even by our standards. What were you even trying to do with all that furniture climbing anyways?"

Mystery frowned, eyes darting away in embarrassment.

"Ah, well... I thought, if the problem with jumping up onto the sofa by myself was because a big jump could reopen my stitches, I thought smaller jumps would be safe to do." He was cut off by a squeak of laughter, and frowned more.

"Admittedly not my best moment. But I thought the coffee table would be an adequate stepstool, and I really miss being able to lay on my spot on the sofa on my own," he confessed.

"Aww, Mystery," Vivi sighed, rubbing his back, heeding his side as she did so.

"I know this sorta ruins that need for independence, but would it help if I gave you a lift up this time for your troubles?"

Mystery debated, before giving a tired smile.

"I would like that a lot."

Vivi nodded, getting up with a grunt before cautiously guiding his front paws onto the sofa. Then, once he was in position, she tucked her hands under his back feet, giving him enough lift to scrabble somewhat clumsily up without pulling too much. His short tail began wagging as he felt the comfortable cushioning beneath his paws, and he turned to face Vivi, beaming.

"Thank you, Vivi."

Vivi grinned back, about to speak, but Mystery continued.

"Not just for this, but for everything you've been doing for us all this time. I appreciate it a lot, I know we all do." Vivi's grin melted into a more mushy expression, eyes watery.

"Awww, Mystery that's so sw-"

She was cut off once more as, in an attempt to lick her cheek in thanks, Mystery instead bonked her in the face with the cone. Vivi grunted in surprise as she pulled back, rubbing her nose where the edge collided into her.

“Man, I'm starting to see why you hate your cone so much!” Vivi laughed, ruffling Mystery’s fur on his head as much as she could. Mystery huffed in indignation, leaning into the touch nonetheless.

“I fail to see why I even have it in the first place.”

“Sorry, bud - vet's orders! Wouldn't want you chewing on your injuries while they heal,” she smirked, lightly tugging on his ears to stroke and massage them. Mystery made a disgruntled noise in his throat as he eased himself into laying down.

“I know, I know… But it's not forever. You'll get better, and the cone will come off, and things will go back to normal, you'll see,” she intoned, leaning back against the sofa while she continued to absentmindedly pet him. He could hear the edge in her voice, and knew she was saying it for herself just as much as for him.

Unable to sooth her as he normally would, as previously proven, Mystery settled for wagging his tail in agreement, letting it lightly beat against the back of her head as he rested his chin on his paws. A laugh bubbled out of her, and he smiled.

It would heal.

They all would.

#mysterymarch2021 #mystery skulls animated #msa #msa mystery #mystery #vivi yukino #msa vivi #fanfic #fanfiction #long post #se7enfics #se7enfic

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sarcastically-defensive17 · 4 years

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Negatives? - C. Hood

Hello my lovies! This is the anticipated second part of “Benefits?”!! Didn’t think we could get angstier but here we are!! I apologise in advance!

Masterlist will be updated soon! Hope you enjoy! More requests will be filled very soon!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

9 months. 9 months of longing, of pain, of loneliness. 9 months of being cooped up inside of his own head because he was too ignorant and rude to admit that he hadn’t buried his feelings for Y/N.

Drew made Y/N smile, but he knew that he could do better. He made her laugh, yet she laughed heartier when Calum would joke with her. Drew kissed her, yet Calum knew he would do better.

But he didn’t deserve her. Not in any way, shape or form. He had ruined his chances with her the minute he told her she wasn’t good enough to be with him.

Every interaction between the former friends was cold. Y/N looked as if she were fighting back tears and Calum often had to leave the room as his own fell. The band knew what happened between the two; they had been there to pick up the pieces for Calum as Y/N called their manager to quit and took off. She was determined to prove Calum wrong, and everybody knew it.

She kept Sierra up to date with her whereabouts, and job prospects. The two had grown closer as the older woman comforted Y/N. Sierra, in turn, kept Luke updated, and he the rest of the band - except Calum. Whenever he heard her name, he would get angry. It took him months to realise that his anger wasn’t directed towards Y/N, but himself. He let her get away. He was scared to open up. He got defensive, rude, nasty. He broke her heart and stomped on it as he left. All for what?

Drew knew nothing of the relationship between the two, just that they were once friends. He didn’t pry, nor did he try to figure out why the two didn’t talk, he simply made sure to comfort Y/N in anyway after a long day.

Things came to a head very quickly as they hit their 12th show of the tour. The entirety of the trip had been tense. There were very few photos of Calum captured, blatant ignorance as Calum tried to speak to Y/N and many outbursts of anger from the pair. Ashton and Michael had enough.

One fine, aesthetically pleasing Tuesday afternoon, the two broke the ambient air with their shouting. All because of the lack of Calum content on the band Instagram.

“If I see one more comment asking for more Calum, I might scream. There’s enough me content. We don’t need him,” Michael whined, scrolling through Instagram on his phone as Y/N sat next to him, back leaned against Drew, laptop on her lap.

“I think we might need to get some more pictures of the man up there, Y/N,” Luke said, his voice soft, eyes softer. He sent her a sympathetic smile, knowing exactly why there is an acute lack of the Maori man.

Calum scoffed from the other side of the room. They were all situated in Ashton’s hotel room, empty pizza boxes on the tables and floor in front of them. “Why would she do that?”

“Cal,” Luke warned, only to be interrupted by his other friend.

“Sorry, I didn’t think I was good enough to take pictures of you,” Y/N spat, not looking up from her device. “Do it yourself. After all, any genius could do it, right?” The venom made everybody recoil, bar Calum.

He made an interested sound, walking closer to where she was sitting. “Tough words, careful. You might up and run away again, Y/N.” He was mad. She had left them all. She didn’t even give him the chance to talk about it when he wasn’t angry. She blocked his number as soon as she left. She cut him out of her life.

Y/N slammed her laptop shut, standing faster than anybody expected. Her and Calum were practically face-to-face at this point. Ashton was on his feet, surprised at the speed of escalation. “My time of taking photos of narcissistic, degrading assholes is over. Go find somebody else to toy with, Calum.”

“Still playing the victim, are we-“

“Enough!” Ashton had hit his point. For too long, the pair had been making the trip uncomfortable. It was putting a strain on the performance of everybody, and now causing issues with the fans. “Y/N sit down. Calum you sit over there and shut your damn mouth for a minute. Everybody else, get out.” It was rare for Ashton to lose his cool. He was the most composed of all of them, and often played the part of the most mature band member. It was a well known fact that when Ashton had enough, it was time for things to be sorted before shit hit the fan for good. As he ordered, everybody filed out except for the two in question. Y/N sat with a scowl on her face, arms folded across her chest as she chewed at the inside of her cheek. Calum sat on the bed across the room, facing the other direction for fear of lashing out again.

“Ashton what is going on-“

“Zip it, sugarface,” he raised a finger to Y/N silencing her with the gesture. “Enough is enough. This shit keeps going on and it is affecting all of us.” His brow was furrowed deep, jaw set and red hair mirroring his mood adequately. “Calum, you fucked up big time. Y/N you ran off and cut all contact. We have 7 hours until our show, and our sound check starts in 4 hours. You have two and a half to sort this shit out, or we will sort out other arrangements.”

“Ashton, this really isn’t necessary-“

“I don’t care. I’m leaving now and you’re stuck in here. I suggest sorting this out because we have all had enough of it.”

Y/N nodded, watching Calum closely across the room. He stayed silent, back still turned towards his friend and the woman he loved. This was his chance to explain everything, but it could also be his change to ruin things more than they already are. Given his track record, he wouldn’t be surprised if the tables shifted in favour of the latter.

The door closed behind Ashton, silence enveloping the room and making the air more heavy. Y/N felt the discomfort settle on top of the air, weighing it down on her skin until she felt as if her head were spinning.

Half an hour passed. They sat on either sides of the room still, both holding their words in out of spite.

“Why did you leave?” The words fell from his lips before he could think about them. It had been playing on his mind for so long. After a few days, when he had cooled down, he wanted to call her. He wanted to tell her that he was scared and angry and frustrated at himself. That he didn’t want somebody like her to be ruined by him and the life he lived.

“What?” She snipped, not looking up from her phone.

“Why did you leave?” He repeated.

A humorless laugh left her lips, much like the night he saw her last. “You’re joking, right? How could you expect me to stay after that?”

He finally turned to face her, she looked disinterested. Her attention was on her phone - probably messaging drew, he thought - and definitely not on the conversation they were meant to be having. Even after so long, she was still so beautiful in his eyes. Her temper was overwhelming, but she never showed anger towards another unless she had been wrong, and boy, did he do her wrong.

“I tried to apologise, Y/N. I called you, texted-“

“And I waited, Calum.” She was mad, yet calm. Her eyes were burning with fury, jaw clenched hard as she gritted words through teeth. “I waited two days. I got nothing from you, you ignored my calls, and I had enough.”

He huffed, a heavy breath leaving his nostrils, “So because I ignored you for a few days, you left? You left us without a photographer, without a friend, just to go screw around with the Chainsmokers?” He was angry. So was she. He was standing. She was sitting, phone clenched between white knuckles.

“I left,” she was on her feet now, almost chest-to-chest with him and radiating far more anger than he had ever seen, “because you not only degraded and embarrassed me, you criticized my career. I was terrified to open up to you. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same because I was hold never be good enough for you, but I tried. I tried to be open and all I got was made a mockery out of and told that I was practically worthless in my position working with the band.” She stepped closer to him, now at a point where they could stare at one another. Her phone had been thrown aside now, flung from her fingers as she stood. “I spent seven years with you all. I was there for you through everything. I fell in love with you, Calum. And you destroyed it within an hour.”

Her words were venomous, cutting deep along Calum’s heart and allowing the reality to finally, completely, sink in. He caused this. He made her leave because he treated her confession as a joke. He is the reason she is with Drew now, no longer his friend, or his lover. Or even his coworker. It is all his fault.

He slumped down onto the seat next to him, holding his head in his hands and trying to compose himself. He couldn’t even apologise, for he didn’t trust his voice.

“I gave you everything, Calum, and you threw it back in my face. How could I stick around?” She couldn’t look at him. Whether it was out of anger or sadness, or even fear of him making a fool of her again. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, so she turned around, staring out of the window of the hotel room.

They had a nice view, and she allowed it to distract her eyes from harboring tears.

She heard the rustling of fabric behind her, along with the creak of the chair beneath Calum. The soft padding on carpet told her that he was walking closer to her.

“I-“ he started, taking in a breath. She could hear the emotion. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate myself for what I did to you that day, Y/N.” He had tears streaming down his face, she could see so in the reflection in the window. “I don’t know why I said those things. I should never have told you that you weren’t good enough, or insulted the career that you built for yourself. I’ve been replaying that day over and over since it happened, Y/N. I knew that I loved you four years ago, and hearing you say it, after I tried my hardest to push down those feelings - I don’t know why but I got so defensive-“

“Shut your mouth.” She hissed, turning and allowing her anger to resurface. “For fuck sakes, Calum. Don’t try and play with my head again. You didn’t love me, not like that.”

“I loved you more than I have loved anybody else, Y/N.” He whispered, voice steady and his eyes not leaving hers. He was telling the truth, and they both knew it. “I fell in love with you so many years ago. I didn’t want to do anything to ruin this, but then you told me what I had been dying to hear for so long.” He sniffed, brushing tears away aggressively as he pressed his palms into his eyes. “I’m an idiot.”

“I can’t help but agree with you.” Y/N turned away from the window, the view no longer appealing as her own reflection became far too evident, along with Calum’s.

Another few minutes passed, both now situated in the seats they previously occupied. Y/N had her knees pulled up to her chest, picking at her fingernails. Calum was staring at his feet.

“I’ve found that if I close my eyes, I can sometimes pretend that Drew is you,” Y/N whispered. Her voice was full of pain. She was still processing the information that Calum had fed her. Still trying to figure out what to say to him. She figured the truth was better than anything. “I want - I wanted a future with you, Calum. I wanted to be able to wake up knowing that the man I loved, loved me back. That the man who knew me better than anybody else, was there with me. Hearing you say those things to me was the worst thing I could have experienced.”

“Y/N, I-“

“I hate to say it, but I still love you. I still wish that every time I fell asleep with Drew, it was you beside me. It’s easy to pretend.” Her own tears fell. “I can’t forgive you so easily. I can’t just forget everything that you said. I can’t forget how much I want to be with you.”

“Just one more chance, Y/N, please?” Calum was focused solely on her. He was ready and willing to be down on his knees, begging to have her in his life again. Not even for love. He would be fine to simply be able to watch a movie with her, joke with her. Love her like he did before. “I know I can’t make up for it right now, but I love you so much. I would spend the rest of my life showing you how sorry I am, if you would let me. You deserve far better than me.”

For possibly the millionth time, Y/N was at a loss for words. Calum kept his vulnerability from many people, but Y/N could often read him like a book. Unfortunately, he could do the same for her.

“You don’t need to give me an answer right now, we have a few more months of the tour left. Whatever you decide, I’ll be fine with. You never want to see me again, I’ll stay away. You want to give me a second chance, and I will spend every day of our life together making up for all of the years that I kept my mouth shut and the horrible things I said to you and the pain I caused you for the past nine months.”

A sob tore from her throat, her eyes clenched as she let his words hit her soul.

Thankfully, the door clicked. It opened cautiously, a head of red hair poking through, Ashton eyeing the pair warily.

“I can’t do this right now, Cal,” Y/N blurted, taking the chance to rise to her feet and push past Ashton and the other guys. Drew watched after her with confusion, as did Luke and Michael.

Ashton glared at Calum, “You suck at apologizing.”

Tag list: @starshonerose @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @mantlereid @another-lonely-heart

#calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum hood x reader #calum hood angst #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #michael clifford #luke hemmings x reader #ashton irwin x reader #michael clifford x reader #angsty boi time #whoops sorry

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5hining-aus · 4 years

Text

SHINee As Single Dads - Birthdays

Anonymous said: How would the shinee single dads be throwing a birthday party for their kiddos? Who has the huge hall rented out? Who threw balloons in the corner and popsicles in a cooler? Who had the party filmed for some reality show called “My Big Birthday Blast” with plenty of drama to go with it? (Not saying it would be Key but let’s be honest... 😂)

As we all know, it is scientifically improbable that all the parties would be pulled off smoothly. Here’s what I think would happen.

Onew

He’s never thrown one of these things by himself so he’s a little overwhelmed, but it’s his oldest’s 13th birthday so gosh darn it, he’s gonna try his best to make his son’s birthday a memorable one

On an angstier note, this is the first birthday since Jinki’s wife’s passing and his son wasn’t taking it so well, so Jinki really wants everything to go well and bring his son a little joy

Everything...does not go as planned

First, the venue Jinki had chosen for the party wound up being double-booked. He had booked it later than the other person, so he lost the spot

Then, the decorations that he had ordered got lost during shipping

And finally, just when Jinki thought that he had gotten everything sorted out, there was a massive snowstorm and none of the guests could make it

The “birthday party” winds up being Jinki and his son sitting on the couch eating an unholy amount of pizza together (because Jinki ordered it in advanced, anticipating a decent-sized group, and apparently pizza delivery drivers don’t care about a full-on blizzard)

Jinx is absolutely crushed, but his son knows how hard he tried and isn’t all that upset, he’s just happy he got to spend some time with his dad

Jonghyun

Has zero clue what he’s doing

He’s never thrown a child’s birthday party before and this is kind of a baptism-by-fire

He legitimately googled “how to throw a birthday party for 10-year-olds.” It didn’t help much, so he asked the other dads and his mom for tips

He’s the dad who winds up renting a whole fire hall

Look, he had to make sure there was room for all the guests, the food, the live band, all that stuff

He bakes and decorates the birthday cake himself. It actually ends up looking and tasting pretty good

Things wind up going rather well (considering the fact he was a complete amateur at party-planning)

Also, that day was the day Jonghyun’s son called him “dad” for the first time. He literally had to excuse himself from the party to go cry in the bathroom (they were happy tears, don’t worry)

Key

Look, Key’s daughter is his little princess. She’s had him wrapped around her little finger since the day she was born.

So when the apple of his eye said that she wanted unicorns at her princess-themed 4th birthday party, Kibu started trying to figure out ways to make that happen

Luckily, a friend of a friend had ponies, so those ponies became unicorns for the day

Once the “unicorns” were arranged, then came the time to get his daughter’s party dress

It was a custom-made ballgown that had the poofiest skirt that Key had ever seen

Once they had the dress ordered, it was time for decor

Just imagine the most extravagant, frilly, obnoxiously pink birthday party you can think of. That’s pretty much what the end product was

A video of the set-up winds up going viral and Key gets interviewed by a couple of online news sites and local news channels. Some people think the whole thing was a bit excessive, but Key’s daughter was happy and that’s all that mattered to him

Minho

It’s hard enough planning a birthday party for one 5-year-old, imagine having to do it for three

Minho is exhausted, and it doesn’t help that his girls all want different themes

Seriously, how do you plan a birthday party that’s pirate, fairy, and fish-themed

Like, pirates and fish go together easily, but fairies? How can he work that in?

Eventually, though, he comes up with a theme that involves fairy pirates and their magical fish friends

He knows that the theme is a bit strange, but he’s a single dad doing his best, leave him be

And the guest list, oh my god, the guest list is probably three miles long. Minho never realized how many friends 5-year-olds could have (then again, they are his children, so it’s not overly surprising)

Minho plans the thing like a drill-sergeant (but, like, a kid-friendly drill-sergeant) and actually manages to pull it off rather smoothly

He wanted to sleep for like a week afterwards though

Taemin

Let’s not kid ourselves here, Taemin’s twins are still infants, they aren’t going to remember if they had a massive party or not

They also don’t really have any non-family friends because, once again, they’re infants

Taemin will most certainly go all-out for his kids’ birthday once they’re old enough to care but, for now, the “party” is just a get-together with the other dads and their kids

Nothing wild, just your basic summer gathering: ice cream, popsicles, a barbeque, maybe a little kiddie pool and some games or something

The other guys are definitely teasing him about “taking the easy route” but Taemin’ll have you know that he worked VERY hard blowing up the balloons

Taem knows that the party is as basic as it gets, but once again, the kids won’t remember

However, when the kids are old enough to ask for certain things for and remember their birthday parties, hoo boy

Not even the circus will have anything on a Taemin Lee party

#SHINee AU #SHINee imagines #SHINee #SHINee scenarios #5HINee #jinki #jonghyun #kibum #minho #taemin #SHINee As Dads #Domestic!SHINee #SHINee As Single Dads

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heuristicallyinclined · 4 years

Text

MallekWeek2020 Day 4 Writing Prompt

Chapter 4: Day 4: Mallek working through his feeling for someone Summary: MSPA Reader wants to ask Mallek a question.

Notes: Good luck predicting this chat.

They had come over a few nights after visiting Galekh to hang out with you. Normally you two just chatted, enjoyed the silence, or played video games. Things were pretty chill tonight with the two of you hanging out on the couch and them catching you up on their very active social life and you with your coding progress. You knew they didn't understand all of what you were talking about, but they still were making an effort and were listening very attentively. It was pretty nice of them and you enjoyed just being able to talk to someone about it.

You had just finished updating them on your work when you noticed they looked a bit hesitant to speak, now not meeting your eyes and preferring to look off to the side. They clearly had something to say and the pause in the conversation was growing uncomfortable.

"what = up;" you kept your tone easy, trying not to look concerned. You knew they were pretty sympathetic and you didn't want them to feed off of your worry if something was already bothering them.

"Nothing! I just wanted to thank you again for showing up at Galekh's place like that. I know you're a busy guy so that was really cool of you." They smiled, but they were still stiff, this was clearly not all they wanted to say and you wanted to know what it was..

"like i said; its != a big deal; i had some free time;" You definitely made some free time for them when they called. Like they weren't too far, but you did drop everything you were doing for them. I mean you were friends. Friends do that.

They waited a bit before continuing on, "And I really appreciate it. You being fine with that and all of the other stuff. You've just been pretty easygoing about a lot of things in general and I know I say dumb shit all the time because of me being an alien and not getting Alternian stuff. Also just who I am as a person." They chuckled a little at the end and were getting a bit more anxious, they were starting to play with their hair.

You turned towards them on the couch. You wanted to put them at ease but also really wanted to see where this was going, if you could. "i like who you are as a person;" you teased.

They seemed a bit reassured by this and they gave you the smallest smile. “Thanks. And I'm kinda hoping you still will if I ask you something? I mean, can I ask you something?" their voice was getting higher at the end and they were finally looking at you again, looking sheepish, but hopeful.

Oh.

OH.

They noticed you were flushed for them? You mean you did slip up and call them cute while they were soaked. And said you would do anything for them during a video call that another person fucking heard. Also, you met them and immediately gave them your sign? Okay, maybe that last was a bit too obvious.

You were being pretty clear, but you thought they were shy or this just wasn’t translating for them. It would be dumb to hold aliens to Alternian romance and didn’t know if they had anything similar, not that you would ever ask. You even wondered if they were trying to be polite about it since you two were friends, but it’s pretty clear when they’re uncomfortable. You weren't expecting this tonight or for them to just come out with it like this. Guess they were just full of surprises.

"sure robobud; you know you can ask me anything;" you leaned towards them now, looking down at them softly. They looked up at you and while still tense, they seemed to calm down.

"That's good, okay so," they took a deep breath and looked up at you now more determinedly. Your attention was solely on them now, you wanted to hear what they wanted to say.

"What did I say to Galekh that made him so uncomfortable?"

What.

"what;"

So that did not go where you thought it was going. But they were pushing through, speaking rapidly before they lost their nerve.

"Like how when you were tattooing him I said he was crossing something off of the bucket list and he just full body cringed. And then you calmed him down by saying something I didn't understand. So that meant something very different to you two than it did to me and I want to know what so I don't say something dumb like that again to someone." They were looking at you a bit more optimistically now but that didn't stop them from adding," again, only if you're okay with it."

Well, you did say anything.

You didn't know that giving a bluebood a tattoo was going to result in the most uncomfortable conversation of your life with another person. The fact that this person was an alien who you were flushed for wasn't helping. They just didn't have the same cultural background meaning that you would have to go deeper into this than you would otherwise have to, not that you would ever even need to explain this to another troll. But still, you were their friend and it's probably better for them to be unaware and ask you these questions rather than someone who would just kick their ass.

You guess it took you a bit to process that with how they were looking at you. "Are you okay with it? You seem to be having a hard time."

"yeah; sure; i = good;"

"You were quiet for a little bit."

"i != was expecting you to say that;"

"Yeah, I could tell." They paused and perked up a bit, "wait, what did you think I was going to say then?"

"i != know; != that;" You weren't looking forward to getting into it, but they somehow managed to find the only topic of conversation that you wanted to talk about less than that. You consider for a moment, before just deciding to be direct with them.

"i mean you basically said he had a bucket list;"

They looked at you inquisitively. "Doesn't everyone?"

You just took a moment to take in the casual way that they just asked that. Either they were into some shit or this meant something wildly different for humans. You try again, hoping for the latter.

"what does that phrase mean to you;"

"A list of things you want to do before you die."

You took in a deep breath, pressing your palms together, and stared, "define things;"

"Like big life goals? Like learning how to play an instrument, or how to speak a new language, maybe running a marathon or climbing a mountain. Maybe traveling or getting a tattoo. Things that are kind of experiences that are aspirational."

Oh okay then.

"i get it; but why say it like that;"

"It’s for before you kick the bucket."

What the fuck.

They saw your look and said, "It is a metaphor. It means to die. Like I'm not one hundred percent sure where it came from but yeah. It sounds weird to actually dissect it."

"i mean; you could get culled if you did that here;"

At this they were confused, "why would that even matter?"

"The drones != like that;"

"Why would the drones even care?"

It was at this point you realized that there was a much deeper lack of understanding than you had previously anticipated. Like you weren't expecting much, but this was still a lot. So you just kinda jumped into it and tried to explain the whole thing with drones and quads as best you could without turning cerulean. Luckily they had already seemed to have a pretty decent understanding of quads because of their other friends’ personal lives and knew a lot about the brooding caverns from one of their jade friends. It was more they never picked up on the connection between the two.

Not that it mattered much since once they understood the implications of what they said, they were turning bright red, clearly embarrassed.

"I turned it into a sex thing. Oh poor Galekh." They covered their face with their hands and groaned. "I can't believe I turned it into a sex thing. Fuck, if you didn't play it off, I wouldn't be surprised if he just kicked me out of his hive then." You didn't tell them that that was probably the best case scenario since they were already mortified and things turned out okay for them anyways.

Trying to comfort them, you reply “i != worry about it too much; quad shit can get complicated for trolls; he would have gotten worked up about it somehow anyways; so it must be especially wild for an alien;”

“It was mostly just the introduction to them that was wild. The first time someone was trying to explain quadrants to me, it wasn't really an explanation of them so much as it was this indigo guy trying to convince me to be his matesprit since it would come with benefits, or anything else he could get. Yeah, so that was uh,” they mull over their next word carefully, “something."

"yeah; that = skeevy as fuck dude;"

“But otherwise it’s mostly that there are more kinds here that focus on different parts of a relationship. Like auspitism I am still a bit fuzzy on, I get kismesitude now, I have a moirail, and matespritship is basically analogous to what romance for humans is.”

That last little bit of information caught your attention immediately. So they did have something equivalent. That was promising at least, the fact that it was even a possibility. There were no chances of anything happening tonight though, not with the turns that conversation took. You still had mental whiplash from that.

It wasn’t hard for the two of you to slip back into the casual chatting that you had been doing before. It was just easy to talk to them. They started telling you some of the wilder antics that had been keeping them busy and some of it was hilarious. They had you laughing throughout and maybe you were imagining things, but you started to notice the way they would glance at you, how they smiled at you a little longer when you laughed, how it reached their eyes.

You were starting to feel a little bit better about your chances.

Notes: Getting some lighter chapters after angstier ones is self-care.

#mallekweek2020 #mallekweek #mallek adalov #hiveswap #homestuck #my writing

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goddess-aelin · 5 years

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I split my fic rec list into two parts since it got so long. So, as promised, here is part 2! This is the canonverse/fantasy/random AUs. I always love me a good fantasy story but while compiling this list, I also realized that I definitely have a thing for werewolf and grounder Bellamy. It is what it is at this point lol.

Canonverse fics

-Darling, Just Hold My Hand by Killianslonghaul...N/R

a post-S4 fic where Clarke and Bellamy get together. Clarke gets a little sad that Bellamy doesn’t like PDA. Honestly, this is much angstier than I anticipated.

-I Have Been Homesick for You Since We Met by swishywillow....G

I have read this fic a thousand times since I first read it. I completely 100% cannot handle how cute this fic is. Do not read in public because you will giggle like a child. The 4 times Clarke sees Bellamy with a baby and the 1 time he sees her. Uncle!Bellamy. Featuring the most married platonic couple ever.

-Maybe This Time is Different by @griffinnblake...G

An alternate s5 story. Short but so fluffy that I can’t handle it. I had to plug my girl Lindsay’s fic. She’s such a talented writer!

- Love Will Come Through by monroeslittle ....M

When the ark comes down, it is split into two camps. Clarke has to go live with the other camp, where she meets most of the characters that were part of the delinquents. This has one of my fave tropes, an arranged marriage where love literally comes through. Bellarke at their prime. Stunningly written and perfectly in character. One of my absolute favorites. Also threads book and show characterization together.

-Love is Not a Whisper (or a Weakness) also by monroeslittle...M

An AU where the 100′s ship crashes in a tropical area. This was such a cool concept and so well done! Wells lives! Bellarke gets together (obviously)! And everyone is having babies.

-In My Dreams We Are Always Together by @andsowemeetagain...M

Oh lord, this one is chock full of my favorite tropes...grounder Bellamy, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, hothead Bellamy. So. Much. Angst. Clarke and the 100 come down and land in enemy territory. They make a deal with King Bellamy, which includes, you guessed it, an arranged Bellarke marriage! Features super amazing angsty smut.

-Just as You Are Mine by @prosciuttoe....M

A grounder!Bellamy, arranged marriage fic. God I love this fic so much! The characters are perfect, we get cute, drunk Clarke, protective Bellamy, and Bellarke slowly falling in love.

-Stars In the Water, Blood on Our Hands by @grumpybell...M

A grounder Bellamy AU. Clarke gets sent from the Ark to make sure that Earth’s inhabitants are peaceful and welcoming. Eventually, Bellarke falls in love. So much angst, so much cuteness!

-They Will See My Strength (in This Love I’ve Found) by glowinghorizons...T

Ark AU where Bellarke gets fake married to help each other out. Such a good fic!

-And Now You’re Home by asroarke...M

A grounder Bellamy fic where he is the one who Clarke finds instead of Madi after she gets left behind in praimfaya. An absolutely beautiful fic! It has all of my favorite tropes.

-Come Get a Hold of Me by @talistheintrovert...T

Clarke is overwhelmed by being back in civilization again after being alone with Madi for so long. Bellamy helps her through it.

-The Price of Peace by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky...T

A spec fic of season 6 and honestly....looking back on it now, its not far off. Lets hope season 6 ends the same way. I DARE anyone who reads this to not cry at the ending. It is a bet you will lose. Also go read all of Lindsey’s fics because I literally always have tears in my eyes when reading them.

Fantasy/Random AUs

-The Fire is Coming by adelicatepeach.....T

A Pacific Rim AU that absolutely ripped my heart out and then put it back together. Clarke and Bellamy as Jaeger pilots who help each other heal.

-How To Save A Kingdom by @wellsjahasghost ....M

So this is actually a companion piece to the author’s other fic, How You Stay Alive. I haven’t gotten through that one completely yet but this companion piece is AMAZING. Bellamy and Clarke are soulmates and have to find each other in different lives. “Whether you fall in love again is up to you.” How To Save A Kingdom is just one of those lifetimes but it is absolutely beautiful.

-His Moon, His Light in the Darkness by @andsowemeetagain...E

An ACOTAR AU. Holy shit I think about this fic all the time! I’ve never read ACOTAR but I don’t even want to because it will NEVER measure up to this fic. Bellarke is HOT HOT HOT in this. Faerie!Bellamy and human!Clarke. Bellamy is king of the night court (uhh Bellamy wearing dark colors and looking ominously hot? I think YES) and Clarke is the human that wandered into the Faerie realm. Originally has a lot of Flarke but honestly paints Finn in such a terrible manner that I’m not even mad. Again, features some super amazing angsty smut.

-Don’t Look Back, You’re Not Going That Way. by @andsowemeetagain...M

Viking!Bellamy, Soulmate Bellarke. This fic honestly ruined me because of the angst. Features slight C/exa in the middle if you don’t like that. This fic is so hard to describe because I don’t want to give anything away. Once again, as the authors brand continues on, features amazing angsty smut.

(if you haven’t noticed, this author is one of my favorite fantasy writers)

-With a Mouthful of Thorns by @grumpybell ...T

A fantasy AU featuring human Clarke, fae Bellamy, werewolf Bellamy, and such amazing worldbuilding. I’m not sure if Erin based this off of anything but she paints such an amazingly detailed picture. One of my absolute favorite fics. I’m also plugging a few more of her fics because she gives me my werewolf Bellamy fix.

-Facing Tempests of Dust. by @grumpybell...M

Werewolf/grounder Bellamy comes to the 100′s camp but only Clarke knows he can switch from human to wolf. I LOVE this and Erin also wrote a few follow-up fics, Creatures of My Dreams Part I and part II where Bellarke has a baby (a part human, part wolf baby, of course)

(Ok anyway, now that I’ve dedicated half of this to recommending Erin’s fics, you guys should def just go read all of her stuff!)

-The Clockmaker (Fixer of Hearts) by MercuryM....T

OH. MY. GOD. This fic!! Soulmates AU where everyone has a compass watch where their dial is the same as their soulmate’s. Clarke’s dial always points north. Bet you can’t guess why :)

-I’ll Always Wear the Crown that You Gave Me by safeandsound13...M

Hooooo boy. So this is divided into 3 works but is 135k words total, which I’m pretty sure makes it longer than the first Lord of the Rings book? But its so worth it! A Hunger Games AU where Clarke is reaped and Bellamy is her mentor.

-I Was in the Middle Before I Knew That I Had Begun by Kacka...G

A regency AU where Clarke and Bellamy are in an arranged marriage. Like usual, they don’t like each other in the beginning but over time learn to respect and love each other. Everyone who knows me knows that I was searching for this fic for HOURS because its so good. I read this so long ago but I had to have it on here!

Disclaimer: all of these authors are AMAZING and you should def check all of their fics out!

Thank you guys for 600 followers! I love each and every one of you!

#fic recs #follower celebration #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction

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andsheloved · 2 years

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“Do not apologize, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. Just… Please don’t leave me.” damn sis you trying to kill us or something??

i promise i’m not trying to kill you!!! but thank you so much for reading!! i hope you enjoyed it!! it definitely came out a ton angstier than i had anticipated, but it seemed i just couldn’t help myself!!! mwauh!! i hope you’re doing so well!! and not dying

read 'falling' here!!

#madeline answers!#madeline loves anons!

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its-love-u-asshole · 6 years

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Fic Writers Week Day 3: Small But Mighty

Shine a spotlight on the new/underrated fics you’ve read or written.

Yeeessss it’s rec time! I know there’s also the last day to rec fics in general, but I love the idea behind this day a lot too! There’s so many beautiful fics that I’ve read which don’t receive the amount of recognition/kudos that they deserve! I can’t wait to spread the word about them! Since this might be a longer post, I’m putting it under a read more! Enjoy <3

Also, I want to encourage people to try reading new fics as much as possible! While fic rec lists are a good source to start and get ideas about what to read, often times people rely on them too much, and then overlook newer fics which are just as amazing! So every once in a while, remember to check the ship tags on ao3 for newly posted works, that way you don’t miss any hidden gems!

Alright, let’s get into it!

in a flash (ao3) -- Kurotsuki, G

He sees a red beanie covering messy black hair, a soft and boyish smile lit up by the sunlight, and a gray cat.

Click.

Okay so this kurotsuki fic definitely needs twice as many kudos/comments, because the writing was downright phenomenal! It was so beautiful and made me feel warm inside all throughout reading it, I couldn’t get enough! The characterizations are excellent, and the whole mood of the fic is so cozy and wonderful. Please check it out if you love kurotsuki! Also make sure to follow @cawnvictofmurder on tumblr!

a haunting in tokyo (ao3) -- Daisuga, G

This wasn’t the first time Suga had claimed their apartment had been haunted. However, it was the first time he tried to do something about it. Daichi, as always, is nothing but supportive.

This fic was short, but unbelievably sweet! I loved the mix of domestic daisuga fluff with paranormal shenanigans lmao, it was just a super enjoyable fic which had me giggling constantly. I don’t read much daisuga, but it was definitely a treat, and I’d recommend the fic to all! Please also make sure to follow @bishounen-curious <3

Starved (ao3) -- Kurotsuki, T

Kei can’t make it this week. Next week, maybe, he’ll be here but Tetsurou is all out of patience.

Prompt: “I’m tired of being your secret.”

@ivyfics has too many amazing fics which deserve more attention, but this one I feel especially needs to be read. The writing and emotions are just...incredible, I reread this fic so much because I’m in awe of how well it’s written. It’s the perfect mix of angst and relationship development, and I super appreciate that it’s from Kuroo’s POV! Please check it out if you love kurotsuki! It’s worth the read (and reread lol) ^^

Where to Start (ao3) -- TeruShira, G

It's the second date Kenjirou has been on and he can feel Yuuji already figuring him out. He wants to be the boyfriend he wants Yuuji to have, but he doesn't know where to start.

Alright so this author in general just needs more love, yeah TeruShira (or any Shirabu ship really lol) is a rarepair, but gah trust me, after you read this fic you’ll be hopping onto the shipping train so damn fast. The characterizations are so realistic and interesting, and the interactions between the pair are so fun and touching. Please check this fic out, as well as all of SilverAmoebasquid‘s other works!

A God for Every Season (ao3) -- Matsuhana, T

Mortals have all kinds of foolish tales, like how Hades and Persephone's annual reunion causes the seasons. Matsukawa knows better.

Alright, I don’t have time to get into this because for this fic, I can honestly write a 10 page essay about how much I love it. So lemme just say, the writing and the romance is top notch, like...wow, words cannot describe how beautiful the writing is. You seriously need to read it in order to understand. I also love mythology aus, and this delivered! The retelling of Hades/Persephone reuniting was so creative and enjoyable, I want to reread it all again just from typing this lol. @90stimkon did an incredible job with this fic and all their fics, so please check them all out! <3

Waiting for Spring (ao3) -- Kurotsuki, NR

Kuroo had only ever been enamored with a person in his lifetime once. And then "The Dream" happened. Everyday, he dreamt of the neighborhood where he lived, and he always saw a stranger with short blond hair, a tall stature, and black-framed glasses in his dreams. He didn't know who he was, but he was determined to find out.

Kuroo had only ever been enamored with a person in his lifetime once. And then "The Dream" happened. That was the second time.

This fic isn’t exactly recent but I’ll never stop reccing it until it’s been read by everyone lmao I swear! It’s a bit on the angstier side, and there’s a warning for mental illness mentions, but it’s a gorgeous fic. It explores Tsukishima’s emotions and character so well, Kuroo’s too! The details about mental health and Kuroo’s feelings/situation are great, it’s definitely a dream fic which flows into reality so well! I loved the ending, I loved the whole fic, so please give it a shot!

24 Hours (ao3) -- Iwaoi, E

Iwaizumi, a special investigations agent, finds himself falling in love with someone who may already be dead.

@serviceace is an amazing writer, and this crime au has got me so hooked! If you like crime mysteries and detective!Iwaizumi, this is the fic for you! It’s ongoing, but each chapter is so interesting and fun to read, and the questions keep me on the edge of my seat! Please go read this fic if you’re a sucker for iwaoi and police aus, as I am ;)

To The Skies (ao3) -- Kacchako, M

It was supposed to be a typical evening for Bakugou Katsuki. A masquerade ball, a night of serving the royal family as he always did. But when the party goes horribly wrong it's up to servant boy Bakugou to rescue the princess, Uraraka Ochako. His rescue mission is about to change both of their lives completely, and eventually Uraraka will want to reclaim her throne.

Now, older, the two reunite, realizing their lives have gone in very different directions. Ochako, part of the Resistance against the horrible Academy, and Bakugou, a famed sky pirate, traveling the island clusters to find various bounties. Together, they fight to take back the home they once knew and loved.

Okay y’all, lemme tell you, if you love Kacchako, you need to read this! The idea is so damn original, and Rache’s writing is A++ as always. The world she builds and the character relationships that she crafts are so well done. This fic seriously deserves more attention, so please go read! <3 Also follow her writing blog on tumblr @emeraldwaves ! You won’t be disappointed!

Tacky Shoes and Movie Tickets (ao3) -- Bokuaka, T

Akaashi deals with a lot of stupid people.

He isn't yet certain if Bokuto falls into that category.

In which Akaashi is the manager of a movie theater, Bokuto is the new hire at the shoe store downstairs, and the two of them get along much better than Akaashi could have anticipated.

Okay so I was super surprised that this fic didn’t have more kudos! It’s so light hearted and funny, not to mention perfectly sweet! It’s ongoing, but I can’t wait for more. @worthlesspride writes some of the best bokuaka out there, it’s so fluffy and heartwarming, not to mention the writing flows so well! Please read and support it!

Alright, so I’m going to do some self promo because why not? This day is for fic writers too after all lmao.

Perfectly Aligned (ao3) -- Kurotsuki, T

Kuroo didn’t know how he’d made it back here, standing beneath the glistening war machines known as Jaegers. He was the definite outsider, not just at the Shatterdome, but in this world. The world of Jaeger pilots had long since closed its door on him, and now here he was, knocking once again. However, maybe this time, he wouldn’t be alone.

Just a good ol’ Pacific Rim AU. I really loved playing with this universe, and tbh it’s probably some of my best writing?? It didn’t get much attention because I posted it during a busy exchange week, but I’m definitely proud of it and hope more people can read it!

Ceaseless (ao3) -- Kiyoyachi, E

The life of an assassin isn't an easy one. Devoid of morals and full of the criminal underworld's grime , it's a job Kiyoko has always been weirdly perfect at. She's long stopped thinking about why, but just because she kills without remorse, doesn't mean she doesn't have her own attachments.

I’m including this one because f/f ships do not get nearly enough attention as they should. I live for f/f content, and I hope I can read a lot more in the future and introduce ppl to it through fics like this! This fic did not get many kudos, but I think it was actually pretty good writing/smut, so please give it a try if you like kiyoyachi!

Let My Love (ao3) -- Kurotsuki, T

For Kuroo, finding love was all about patience. He had no problem with waiting for the right person to come along, no matter how many awkward dinners or weddings he had to endure as a single man until they did. Regardless, meeting Tsukishima was something he’d never been prepared for. The feelings were overwhelming and intoxicating, ones he was sure he’d do anything for. However, it seemed his endless waiting wasn’t over.

While this fic isn’t short on kudos, I feel like it gets overlooked when compared to my siren au for kurotsuki. While this fic is a bit angstier than Slipping Underneath, it’s one of my most favorite that I’ve ever written. Writing slow burn is a challenge, but I think so far I’m doing well lol?? I love writing this fic, so if you want, I hope you can also enjoy reading it! <3

I Search Through the Crowd (ao3) -- Iwaoi, T

It wasn't uncommon to believe in reincarnation, most people did, but it wasn't some flippant thing. Only people with the strongest of bonds were reincarnated, or so legend put it. Hajime could be dense sometimes, but he didn't miss the meaning Tooru was trying to convey.

"I'll find you."

Lastly, this was my first iwaoi fic, and I was really proud of it even though it didn’t get much attention. It was a struggle to write, but overall, I’m super happy with the result, so I hope you guys can get the chance to read it! I hope I get to write even more iwaoi in the future too!

#ficwritersweek #haikyuu!!#reccing stuff is so fun lol #fic recs #kurotsuki #kacchako

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wayward-marvel-sommer1196 · 7 years

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More Like Daughter

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader x Sam Winchester

Warnings: Language, SPN cannon violence, nightmares, sibling abuse (Demon Dean), Angst, and then Fluff

Word Count: 3109

A/N: This was written for Katie’s AKA @winchesters-favorite-girl One Year Celebration. Congrats on the year girly. My prompt was “You’re the greatest thing that ever stumbled into my life.” This got a little angstier than I anticipated but I love writing fluffy Dean so you get that as well. Reader is 16 and this takes place in season 11 if you couldn’t tell so for the guys age you can do the math lol. No Beta and feedback always appreciated.

Summary: You’re sick of the distance between you and Dean and just want your big brother and best friend back. You figure the only way to do that is to confront Amara and break whatever link it is she has on your brother. Will it work or will you pay the consequences? Will you get Dean back?

You were sitting in the library reading, or at least trying to read, some new lore book that Sam had found in the basement. As your eyes scanned the page you couldn’t help but notice you didn’t have a clue what you just read. Your head was in another place and had too many thoughts swimming around to retain any new information.

All you could think about was Dean, your big brother who you used to be thick as thieves with but was no more of a stranger to you. It has been almost 2 years since he started pushing you away. It all started when he got that god forsaken Mark of Cain. The fucking thing started to change him and slowly but surely, he saw it and pushed you further away. Then Metadouche killed him, he became a knight of Hell, and the shit really hit the fan.

Dean had escaped the dungeon in the middle of being cured and was on the hunt. You had your blade gripped tightly in your hand and quietly stalked through the halls. You had all your senses on high alert. You knew this monster wasn’t Dean meaning you were most definitely in danger.

However, when Sammy knocked out the lights it knocked you off your game. In a single moment, you felt a warm breath on the back of your neck and before you could turn around his hand was on your mouth dragging you into the nearest room.

He let you go and you fell forward onto the ground. You knew it was Dean and you knew you were screwed.

“Dean, please-,” you said.

“Dean, please,” he mocked. “Little y/n. What to do. What to do. You know I think I will enjoy killing you.”

You stomach turned at his words and you lifted your blade to at least try and defend yourself.

“Really, y/n? Do you actually think you are going to use that? Can you actually kill the man who has raised you? Go ahead. Here I won’t even fight back,” he said as he stepped forward with his arms behind his back.

You held the blade to his throat and tried to push but you couldn’t. He was right, he was the one who raised you. Your father died when you were still a toddler and your mother never wanted you so Dean took over. You loved him with every fiber of your being. He was much more than your big brother. Demon or not you couldn’t kill him even if you wanted to.

You dropped the knife and let the tears you were holding back fall.

“You don’t have to do this, Dean. I know you are still in there somewhere. My big brother. The only person in my life that ever truly wanted me and stuck around to raise me. Please,” you begged.

“You see y/n, I know I don’t have to do this, thing is I want to,” he said as he rushed towards you and punched you in the face. He smiled and began to kick you.

You curled up on your side begging him to stop but that inly seemed to egg him on. He grabbed you by your hair and stood you up straight and dragged a knife across your abdomen eliciting a scream from your lips.

“Princess, you have been nothing but a burden since the day you walked into my life. I was only 21 I didn’t want to take care of a kid. I already had to raise Sammy, why should I have had to raise you too?”

“D-Dean, Pl-please stop. I love you.”

“Well, I don’t love you,” he said as he dragged the blade across you skin a few more times across your skin. He let your hair go and you fell to the floor. He gave you another kick to the stomach and then one last one to the face to knock you out.

You don’t know how long you were out, but you came to when Sammy was lifting you from the ground telling you that you were going to be alright.

Sam was able to cure Dean, but only after he cleaned and bandaged you up. Your recovery however took much longer.

Since then you barely ever saw Dean. Sammy became your rock. Your everything. He became what you needed to get through this trauma, especially since the person you usually went too was avoiding you like the plague. You didn’t blame Dean, not one bit but he still avoided you. You felt like he didn’t love you anymore.

When the nightmares started Sam was right by your side to soothe you through them, but you couldn’t help but want Dean. It wasn’t that you didn’t love Sammy, you did with all your heart, it’s just you were closer with Dean and he knew exactly what you needed in times like this even when you didn’t know you needed it.

So here you were sitting in the library wallowing. You knew this all had to do with the Mark. Dean losing control, the angry outbursts, the demon thing, and now the darkness, it was all the damn Mark. For the last couple of years Dean has had something that has had a hold on him and you were sick of it. Now there was Amara who was stirring the pot in his head and messing with him.

You figured it was this lack of control that began the deterioration of y’all’s relationship and the fact that you weren’t strong enough to handle any of it. But, that was all about to change. You wanted your brother back and just some normal peace for one fucking minute with the only two people you have left for family. So, the only way to achieve that would be to confront Amara and that would be what you did.

The next day you let the guys know you were going out and would be back soon.

You arrived at the abandoned salvage yard and started to call out for Amara praying that she could hear you. To your surprise, she did and showed up.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is with my brother, but I need you to leave him the hell alone. He has already been through enough in one life time and doesn’t need you adding to it. He is one of the few people I have left that I love so I need you to back the fuck off,” you said with such ferocity that you shocked yourself.

“I can’t do that. We are linked through the Mark and are destined to become one. He is a part of me now so I won’t let him go,” she replied back only managing to infuriate you.

“If that’s how it’s going to be,” you said as you lunged at her but to your dismay she manages to throw you back with barely lifting a finger. You lifted yourself up only to be thrown back down again causing you to groan.

You reached behind you and grabbed your gun from your waistband and shot her with a bullet that had been enchanted by a spell you made Rowena give you. To your disappointment, it didn’t kill her but it did weaken her a bit.

However, that only seemed to piss her off more. For a woman who pretty much relied on her powers to do her work for her she was pretty strong. She punched you in the gut causing you to hunch over. She grabbed your hair and lifted your head and punched you in the face. She kneed you in the stomach causing you to drop.

You however were a Winchester and got right back up and threw a few punches yourself knowing a blade wouldn’t help you here. You managed to give her a bloody nose and a busted lip. She wasn’t too happy with that and was able to muster up enough power to throw you into your car knocking you unconscious.

Once you were able to regain consciousness your whole body felt stiff. You had cuts everywhere, blood was seeping through each, not all of them shallow, and you were pretty sure your right arm was broken by the purpling of your skin and the excruciating pain coming from that area.

You reached into your back picket to get your phone to call Sam to come get you only to discover it was shattered. You looked back at the car you had driven to the location had been the one Amara so graciously threw you into rendering it useless now. So, you had no choice but to walk the 5 miles back to the bunker.

Back at the bunker both men were starting to panic and worry about your whereabouts. You said you’d be back soon but that was 8 hours ago and you weren’t picking up your phone. Both men filled the answering machine with worrying messages. They sent you dozens of texts that went unanswered.

At that moment Dean had had enough. You were his little sister and if you were gone this long it meant that something was wrong. So, he grabbed his jacket and his keys and headed towards the door to start looking for you.

Before he could make it out the door you entered the bunker all bloody and bruised and literally fell into his arms exhausted from the fight, the walk, and all the blood loss in between. The last thing you heard before you completely lost consciousness for the second time that day was Dean saying, “Everything is going to be alright baby girl, I got you.”

Dean picked you up bridal style and carried you to his bedroom. He called out for Sam who came running and followed you both to Dean’s room.

Dean and Sam began to get to work. They picked all the glass shards out of your skin, stitched up some of the deeper gashes, wrapped up your broken arm, wiped up all the blood, and patched you up.

“What did this to her, Sammy? The last time I saw her this beat up I …” Dean trailed off knowing her was the last person to hurt her this bad.

“I have no clue. She hasn’t said anything to me about tracking anything but Amara. But, Dean she’s strong we both know that. She’ll be fine,” Sam said as he left the room to head to his for the night to hopefully get the images of his sister all bloody again out of his head and get some sleep.

Dean, however, did move an inch. He sat at your bedside holing your hand and watching you to make sure you kept breathing. He couldn’t help but think back to when he hurt you. After Sammy cured him and he saw what he had done he wanted to die. After getting physically ill, he knew he had to stay away from you no matter how much that hurt it was the only way to keep you safe with the Mark still affecting him.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts when he felt you stir. He was instantly by your side. But before he could get a word out you started mumbling.

“ ‘M sorry, De. ‘M so sorry,” you managed to get out for him to hear.

Dean wrinkled his forehead in confusion. Why were you sorry? You hadn’t done anything wrong. You never did anything wrong. He was the one who should be apologizing. He was the one that hurt you not only physically, but emotionally when he decided to basically sever all ties with you.

“Why are you sorry, baby girl?”

“ ‘Cause I went after Amara alone and she was the one who did this to me and I barely knocked her down half a notch.”

“Y/N, why would you go after her alone? That was dangerous and reckless. You’re never reckless. You’re always yelling at Sammy and I for that. Why did you do it?”

“For you De. I went to her to get her to leave you alone. I miss my big brother and my best friend De. The last couple of years you have shut me out and I know it has to do with something always having a hold over you so I figured if I could get Amara out of the picture that was half the battle. I could work on being stronger and being able to handle all this better and make you love me again. I’m sorry I haven’t been strong enough and I know that’s probably why you pushed me away, but I’m working on it. I-I just need you back De. You are the only person in my life that has truly wanted me and I can’t lose you. I-I just can’t,” you spouted as the tears started to roll down both yours and Dean’s cheeks.

“Stop! Just stop,” he said. “Baby girl, you being strong was never an issue. You are strong, probably the strongest one in this bunker. You’ve had to be. Sure, it takes guts to step up to the plate and sacrifice yourself for the greater good, but those who have to deal with the aftermath are a hell of a lot stronger. You have been left behind to deal with the aftermath of all of mine and Sammy’s dumbass decisions, including mine taking on the Mark, and have handle them all with grace and maturity that you shouldn’t have had to.”

“Dean-“

“Let me finish. You are strong. I’m the coward. I felt so damn guilty for hurting you last year that I couldn’t handle it so I just pushed you away thinking it would keep you safe not thinking about how it would make you feel. You are the greatest thing that ever stumbled into my life, y/n. Those things I said as a demon weren’t true. They were things I knew would hurt you so I said them. The day I met you I was in awe and watching you grow up into the amazing young woman you are has been the greatest joy of my life. Y/n, you may be my little sister, but to me your much more than that. You’re more like a daughter to me always have been. I know it may be weird to think of me like dad but-“

“It’s really not since that’s basically the way I have seen you since I was 6.”

Dean smiled at that comment and continued. “Well, that’s why when I saw what I had done to you, I couldn’t forgive myself and pushing you away seemed to be the best option so I wouldn’t hurt you again, no matter how much it hurt me to do that. I love you kiddo and just seeing you hurt breaks my heart. I know you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done but can we move forward?”

You sat up and put your hand on his stubbled cheek. “You were forgiven the moment Ii woke up. I knew it wasn’t you, it was the demon acting in your worst fears. I love you De. That is never something you’ll have to question. Like I said you were the only one that wanted me and for me that’s everything.”

Dean looked at you in awe. How did he raise such an amazing girl? You were everything he wanted to be so good and innocent and just kind to your very soul. He knew he would die protecting that. He let the tears he had been holding back fall and carefully grabbed you into a hug and held you relishing in the feeling he had missed.

He let you go and kissed your forehead. “I’ll let you get some rest,” he said as he got up and moved to go to the door.

“De, wait.”

“Yeah, baby girl?”

“Can you stay and lay with me at least until I fall asleep, like we used to do when I was little?”

He looked at you with concern. You knew his answer was yes but you also knew you had to tell him why.

You took a deep breath and looked down at your fingers. “It’s nightmares. I’ve been getting them off and on since the incident. Sammy was helping but they started up again a few days ago and you always seemed to know what I needed before I knew I needed it.”

“Of course, baby girl. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you like I should have and I promise that’s all gonna change,” he said as he removed his boots and removed his top layers so he was just in his pants and t-shirt and laid down next to you. “If you don’t mind me asking what are your nightmares about? Are they about me attacking you?”

You snuggled into him and spoke. “Some are, but they are just a culmination of things from over the years. Some are Sammy jumping into the cage, some are of Crowley, some of are you and Sammy hurt, and some are of people we have lost like Bobby and Charlie and Kevin. But I think the one that happens the most and sticks out the most…” you paused trying not to choke up.

Dean cringed thinking your answer was going to be him as a demon slicing you up. God, knows that’s the nightmare that keeps him up the most.

“The worst one was watching you die. When Metatron killed you and Sammy and I were helpless to do anything about it. I’m assuming that’s what it feels like to lose a father because I was to younger to know what was going on when Dad died,” you confessed as you let the tears fall freely.

“Well, I’m right here now so get some rest and let that body of yours heal.”

You nodded and not soon after you were dead asleep. Dean was sad that you had nightmares from this life and that you have had to watch everyone you ever cared about die, but he was glad to hear the one thing that haunted him most didn’t haunt you nearly as bad as he thought it would.

He squeezed you one last time and placed a kiss on your head and closed his own eyes to get some much-needed shut eye. The last thoughts before peaceful slumber took him away where he was glad that he hadn’t lost you completely through everything and he was more determined than ever to catch Amara and put an end to her madness.

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waitingfortherightpartner · 7 years

Text

All I Ask

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hello! May I request a Bucky x Reader, in which they break up and it is based on the song All I Ask by Adele? You can choose in which era and all, I love your writing anyway! Have a lovely day and good luck with all the requests :) x

plus

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hi! Could you do an imagine where the reader dated Bucky for a year before he was frozen in wakanda and they broke up the day he will be frozen and everyone in the avengers team got sad, reader and bucky cried too cause they all thought they’d stay forever together. But years later, when the reader thought she forgot about Bucky, Bucky was now unfrozen and they reunited in a restaurant with the rest of the avengers team?

A/N: So, a couple things. I actually kind of combined two prompts for this (yay for productivity!) so it’s a little different, but I think it turned out pretty well. This is actually one of the angstier things I’ve written (I prefer writing super fluffy fluff), so I hope it’s not terrible. Also, apologies for the weird format, but I didn’t know how else to do it. I’m going a little out of order with my prompts, but I’m kind of just writing whatever inspires me. Wrote this one on the plane about a week ago, but didn’t have the wifi to post it. I’m actually heading home in a day and a half, so then hopefully I’ll be writing much more frequently. Current goal is to make it through my prompt list (which is from last year because I suck!) before the end of the summer so I can write some other stuff...Anyways, I’m rambling, but hope y’all like it!

Tagging @pleasecallmecaptain @mattymattymerduck @writingbarnes @kissofvenom922 @b-orderline @shamvictoria11 @callingmrsbarnes @barnes-and-noble-girl @coley0823 @redstarstan @badassbaker @phoebe-21-99@marvelgoateecollection @palaiasaurus64 @melconnor2007

“Doll, say something please.”

I will leave my heart at the door

“What is there to say?”

I won’t say a word

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

They’ve all been said before, you know

“Nothing. Everything.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s your choice. I have to respect that.”

“But?”

“We just go in circles every time we have this discussion. I don’t think shutting yourself off is the way to fix this.”

“It’s safest for everyone.”

So why don’t we just play pretend

You meet Bucky’s eyes for the first time since he’s told you. Years of practice have taught him how to guard his emotions, how to keep the world out of his thoughts.

But you can see the way his eyes sweep across your face, as if attempting to memorize each feature, each line, each imperfection. The way his tongue darts out to wet his dry lips. The slight tremor in his right hand.

Like we’re not scared of what is coming next

"Is it?” you ask softly, and you hear your voice as if it’s not your own, so small and unsure. You see Bucky’s composure falter for a half-second.

“Yes,” he says, as if he’s trying to convince himself. “If I’m in cryo, I can’t hurt anyone.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” you reply, your eyes dropping to your hands.

Or scared of having nothing left

You hate yourself for making that comment as you watch Bucky wilt. His hands jerk forward, as if reaching for you, but he pulls them back to his sides, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Look, don’t get me wrong

“If you don’t, we can try different types of therapy,” you say, trying to make amends. “We can see what works, trial and error, you know? Tony has that BARF thing, we can try and get that-”

“And what happens if that doesn’t work?” Bucky asks. “What happens when those words turn me into...him?”

“Steve conks you on the head,” you say matter-of-factly. “Really, really hard.”

You manage to pull a smile out of him, one of those truly genuine grins that make the corners of his eyes crinkle. A smile that normally makes your heart skip a beat, today just intensifies the dull ache in your heart.

I know there is no tomorrow

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened,” he says, the smile fading from his face. “To Steve. Or to you.”

It’s then that you know his mind is made up. You take a deep breath and nod, folding your arms around yourself, and feeling so incredibly small.

All I ask is...

“All right,” you say, surprised at how hoarse your voice is. “I just...I need a minute.”

Before your mind quite knows what your body’s doing, your feet are carrying you far away from him, away from Bucky. You don’t quite know where you’re going, except that you need air, fresh air.

The walls are starting to feel like they’re closing in on you, and suddenly you can’t stand the thought of Bucky in a cryo tube, of the darkness seeping into the edge of his vision.

Of him being alone.

“The procedure is painless. A few seconds and then...nothing.”

You nod, keeping your eyes trained on T’Challa as he explains the cryo process. You’re barely listening to the Wakandan King, every fiber of your body straining to keep your vision from drifting slightly to his right, to where Bucky is leaning against a desk.

I don't need your honesty

You haven’t spoken to him since he made the decision, not because you’re angry, but because you’re scared of the words that will come tumbling out of your mouth.

Your resolve finally crumbles and you finally allow your eyes to find Bucky. When you do, you find his blue eyes trained on yours, holding your gaze with a look that says so much.

It's already in your eyes

You take a deep breath and steel yourself, tearing your gaze away from the eyes you thought would be your future, forcing yourself to pay attention.

“-monitoring his vitals at all times, making adjustments as necessary.”

“How long?” you ask, and T’Challa offers a sympathetic smile.

“We do not know,” he says. “Our scientists have already begun the research process, and it is proving more complex than they anticipated.”

And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me

It’s a break-up, of sorts. But so much worse.

Because if it were a break-up, it would be a choice that Bucky’s making, not something he’s forcing upon himself. Another burden he must carry as he tries to atone for things that aren’t his fault, should never have been his fault.

No one knows me like you do

And there’s nothing definite about it. T’Challa’s scientists could find a cure a few weeks from now, or never in your lifetime.

“We’ll give you some space to process,” T’Challa says kindly, yet firmly. You nod, picking a spot on the floor as your brain begins to wander.

And since you’re the only one that matters

Bucky lingers in the room, as T’Challa’s scientists, guards and advisors file out. The three of you stand in tense silence. You can feel your resolve break, a tear escaping from your eye and rolling down your cheek.

“Take as much time as you need, (Y/N),” T’Challa says, pointedly fixing Bucky with his unflinching gaze. Reluctantly, Bucky crosses the room, passing right in front of you, close enough to touch.

If this were a normal day, you would reach out to brush his arm, his hand, maybe even plant a quick kiss on the side of his mouth, if you were feeling particularly bold.

But it’s not a normal day, and as soon as you’re alone in the room, you sink to the ground, unable to stop the flow of tears.

Tell me who do I run to?

“(Y/N).”

It’s the night before they put him under, and that overwhelming feeling of confinement, the one that chased you away from Bucky the first time he told you, has become utterly unbearable. You’ve opted to spend the night on the balcony of the living complex T’Challa has given to you, staring up at the cloudless Wakandan sky, alone.

Or at least, that was the plan.

“Bucky,” you say, your eyes still tracing the paths of constellations. You feel him brush against your shoulder, sitting down next to you.

Let this be our lesson in love

“Doll, are you angry with me?” You turn to face him, your hands moving to cup both sides of his face on their own accord. He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed, and you’re reminded of how long it’s been since you’ve allowed him this. Since you’ve allowed yourself this.

Let this be the way we remember us

“James Buchanan Barnes, let’s get one thing straight,” you say quietly. “I have never been, nor could I ever be truly mad at you. I’m mad at everything else.” You drop your hands, taking his right hand in yours as you rub small circles into his skin.

“Everything else?” he asks.

“Hydra,” you say. “Fate. The universe. But never you.”

“Never me,” Bucky echoes. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious

You shake your head, words not able to capture the hurricane of emotions in your heart, the perfect storm of love, rage, terror and sorrow. Bucky nods, understanding.

“I know, doll,” he says, pulling you to him. You slide over so that you’re sitting between his legs, your head resting against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat.

“I’ll miss you, Buck,” you say. “So much.”

“Don’t,” he says, his voice harsher than you expected. “Please.” One word, one ragged, bitter word that nearly reduces you to tears.

“Don’t miss you?” you ask, trying not to let your heart break as you realize what he’s asking you to do.

“I can’t…” he says. “I won’t…please don’t wait.”

And I ain’t asking for forgiveness

“No,” you say.

“No?”

“No,” you repeat, turning to look at Bucky. Your hands fly up to his face, wiping a tear off his cheek with the pad of your thumb. Tentatively, you lean forward, kissing up the salty, tear-stained tracks of his cheeks until your lips land on his closed eyes.

Bucky’s eyes meet yours again, the steely blue of his eyes looking softer than they ever have before. You both lean forward until your lips meet.

All I ask is

“You sure about this?”

“I can’t trust my own mind. So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best thing...for everybody.”

The way his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

If this is my last night with you

Everyone’s gathered in a sterile, metallic room, a lone cryo tube in the center. Bucky sits on a table, dressed in white, as T’Challa’s doctors finished their preparation for the procedure.

He looks more serene to you, more calm and for the first time, you almost don’t mind that he’s doing this.

The way his stubble felt against your cheek.

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend

He steps into the tube, and you feel that crushing sense of fear and claustrophobia again. But this time, for Bucky’s sake you fight the urge to run, your feet planted to the ground as if rooted there.

The way your bodies seemed to mold to each other’s, perfectly entwined.

Give me a memory I can use

It’s minutes away from happening now, and the anticipation is killing you. You meet Steve’s eyes, both of you trying to keep a strong front up, and both of you failing miserably.

The feel of his hair between your fingers.

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do

They initialize the sequence, and you see the fog begin to flood the compartment, Bucky’s eyes begin to droop. Before they close and the fog envelops him, his eyes find yours.

The taste of his lips as the two of you kissed for the last time.

It matters how this ends

The smoke clears and he’s asleep, peaceful.

You take one last lingering look, before forcing yourself to leave,

The way you love him.

Cause what if I never love again?

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel imagine

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