#this was one of the reasons why i felt hesitant at first etc. basically i swore to myself i would only date an academic or at least someone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelostgirl21 · 1 year

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I think one of the reasons why I absolutely adore Magnus and Alec's first time together is because, as Magnus once said, Alec is just so... innocent.

I know that fans are often equating him sort of pouncing on Magnus to passionately kiss him (as soon as he learned they had the apartment to themselves), and later eagerly pushing him towards the bedroom while starting to unbutton his shirt, as him being anything but "innocent".

But, to me, having the confidence to express his desires, going after what he wants, and taking charge of a situation - even one filled with some unknowns - is not something indicating a lack of innocence on Alec's part.

Part of it likely comes from his own temperament. Like Izzy said, he has a tendency to overthink things.

He can make brash and impulsive decisions, at times, in an effort to quickly fix issues causing him a great deal of emotional distress, true. But otherwise, he usually tries to look at a situation through as many angles as he can, collect data from a number of different sources, ask for other people's input, etc., before reaching a conclusion.

Once he does commit to a given course of action, however, he fully commits!

Not blindly (i.e. the feedback he receives from his environment will make him change course if he notices something's wrong and he's no longer sure that he's doing the right thing), but with an impressive amount of drive, willpower, and determination.

What makes him such a formidable leader, IMHO, is that he's got the strength of his convictions, while said convictions remain flexible and adaptable in light of any newly acquired information.

Whenever he realizes he's made a mistake, he's able to own it, figure out / explain why he made that mistake, learn from it, and work on solutions to prevent making those same mistakes again.

And it is a really, really good thing. Because, driven as he is, if he was remotely dogmatic in his beliefs or unable to cope with the idea of being wrong, he'd truly be dangerous - crushing anything and anyone in his path to reach his objectives.

But the point is that Alec is someone that typically tries to measure the potential impact of his actions before he reaches a decision.

And, since all of his concerns have been dealt with before - during the "overthinking phase" - there's often no longer any need for him to hesitate or hold back while acting on it.

In this very instance, it was rather clear that becoming sexually intimate with Magnus was something that he'd had the chance to think long and hard (no pun intended) about.

Since - given he'd already been with approximately 17 000 lovers before - the likeliness of Magnus being comfortable having sex with him was rather high.

From Alec's P.O.V., I'm guessing that the only one "reasonably holding them back" from being sexually intimate with each other, technically, was Alec himself.

I have a feeling that he already knew that, deep down, he felt ready to have sex with Magnus when he went to ask Izzy for advice.

He just needed to be sure that his lack of experience wasn't making him overlook any important variables before fully "going for it".

For example: Is there anything that Izzy wished she'd have known before she had sex for the first time that she didn't? Anything specific he should be made aware of? Anything he (or Magnus) could regret?

And she basically lets him know that - since Magnus and him genuinely care about each other - it's going to be fine.

If the thought of having sex with Magnus is something that Alec wants, if it makes him happy, then the best thing for him to do is to stop worrying!

She's making it rather clear that her own experience with sexual intimacy is - thankfully - not something she regrets, and there's no reason why Alec might regret it, either.

If it is something that he does yearn for, and since he's with someone that genuinely cares about his well-being and safety, then the only thing that might ruin this for Alec is Alec himself worrying about what could go wrong.

So, Alec pouncing on Magnus - going right after what he wants and what makes him happy with pure abandon once he's sure of his decision - to me, is extremely typical of the way Alec behaves in general.

But, most importantly, I see it as a sign of complete trust in his partner.

He's comfortable enough initiating the physical intimacy and openly expressing what he wants, regardless of his own inexperience, because he trusts Magnus to guide him through the process.

As it turns out, however, Alec had overlooked some variables - namely Magnus' own fears and insecurities. And this is where Alec displays traits that really show how innocent he is, too.

He sees Magnus as someone that loves him unconditionally, and that couldn't possibly seek to hurt or take advantage of him.

Alec is in love with him, he feels loved by him, and he's got no tangible awareness, apparently, that there is a significant power imbalance between them that Magnus (thankfully) remains very aware and respectfully mindful of.

I say "thankfully", because the fact that Magnus worries about taking advantage of any situation with Alec is a good sign that Alec's trust in him isn't being misplaced.

I believe that Magnus is fully aware that, his whole life, Alec has been conditioned to meet the expectations of those he loves and depends on to feel safe.

And, while they eventually did see the errors of their ways, his parents did use how they expressed or withheld love and approval towards their children as motivational tools to get them to act certain ways, and make certain choices.

Alec was even willing to go as far as marry Lydia because he felt responsible for fixing his parent's mistakes and restoring his family's honor.

He has a tendency to readily sacrifice his own wants and needs for those he loves - to put himself second.

And Magnus knows that he's always been very honest with him regarding his past sex life history.

From appreciative "name dropping" (Michelangelo was "excellent in bed", Casanova was "brazen"...) to him having been with "men, women, seelies, warlocks, vampires... a djin or two" (about 17 000 of them!), he's made it rather clear that sex is something he enjoys indulging in every now and then.

So, it wouldn't be far fetched for Magnus to worry that Alec would have interpreted his openness about sex in general as being something that he would absolutely need to have in a relationship in order to continue being interested in his partner.

It makes sense that Magnus would be concerned that he may have unwittingly offered Alec the impression that, if he took too long before being able to "give him what he needs" to be happy or feel fulfilled in their relationship, then he might decide that being with a 20-something inexperienced virgin Shadowhunter wasn't worth it, and/or go seek "his pleasure" elsewhere.

I mean, from what I understand, Magnus himself has often been made to feel like what he had to offer was either too much, or not enough, too. He even apologetically told Alec in the beginning of their relationship "I know I'm a lot to get used to".

So, his own ability to clearly express where he stands and what he wants or needs - and have his partner understand it - has been something that he's been made to feel very insecure about.

And the last thing he wishes to do, I believe, is hurt Alec or take advantage of him; to have Alec feel like he should be sexually active with him based on any wrongly interpreted signal that Magnus might have been unwittingly sending him simply by being open and honest about his past.

And if you do force yourself to have sex with someone without truly wanting it - for fear that you might be losing them if you don't - there's a very high likeliness of your own body responding to the sexual act as some form of aggression.

Sadly, once your brain starts making associations between the feeling that some of your personal boundaries having been violated and the person you were with when that feeling occurred, you may instinctively start withdrawing from them and be uncomfortable being generally intimate with them.

So, Magnus being instinctively cautious, and refusing to immediately take Alec's eagerness to be sexually intimate with him at face value makes sense and is extremely reassuring in its own way.

Alec also display some measure of innocence in the way he responds to Magnus attempt at slowing him down, too.

It goes from this sort of still somewhat eager open confusion where he's just verbally clarifying what he wants (Okay... I thought pouncing on your significant other once you've made sure the way is clear might convey "I want us to sleep together! Let's do this! I'm ready!"... Did I miss something? Damnit, Izzy, I swear if I learn there's some sort of mating ritual you're supposed to go through first, and you never thought to tell me, I'll be so pissed!)...

...to extremely focused on Magnus when he starts expressing his own concerns with Alec's wish for them to become sexually intimate together so soon into the relationship.

Alec's not just listening to his words, but appears to be actively looking for clues in Magnus' gaze and in his behavior to help him figure out what's happening, and what he might have been missing in all of his prior "overthinking".

While Alec doesn't seem to fully "get it" (apparently totally unaware that having sex with someone before you are fully ready might put a strain on a relationship, and/or just how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of the way Alec is so openly offering himself to them), he does appear to get that Magnus is scared that he is making the decision to please him, rather than because he truly wants to.

So, to me, having Alec clearly tell him "You have nothing to worry about, I want this", right before confidently pushing Magnus towards the bedroom while starting to unbutton his shirt, doesn't translate as a lack of innocence on his part, either.

I see it more as Alec's way of reassuring Magnus that he is genuinely ready for them to be sexually intimate together. It's him trying to make Magnus feel that he's doing this for himself, first and foremost.

It's Alec wordlessly saying "I may be inexperienced, but I don't see why being inexperienced should make me apprehensive about being sexually intimate with you. I trust you, I believe I'm making the right choice for myself, and I need you to trust me, too."

Alec's innocence also shines through in the way he initiates making love with Magnus like someone that's never been hurt in love before.

In the way he doesn't seem to have any specific expectations besides sharing something that's supposedly wonderful and fun with Magnus.

His guards are completely down, and he's just this happy, giggling, fumbling mess feeling his way around and trying to figure out the steps as he goes...

When Magnus teasingly remarks "that was graceful" (referring to how they both lost their balance several times while making their way to the bed - trying to remove pieces of clothing at the same time - to finally clumsily topple together on top of said bed), Alec gets in on the humor by happily replying "Shadowhunter" while gesturing to himself, then passionately dives right back in all the kissing and groping.

It doesn't seem to occur to him - not even for a second - that some sexual partners have a tendency to take sex very "seriously", and are unable to keep their concentration when the other person is constantly giggling and laughing or even *gasp* joking.

He's not acting like he's scared of messing anything up by not knowing what he's doing, either.

He's not worried about the possibility of Magnus gossiping about having slept with a Shadowhunter, while mocking his lack of experience or "technique" with fellow Warlocks.

There isn't the slightest notion in his mind that any of this could be about Magnus' wishing to add a Shadowhunter on his already impressive list of "sexual conquests".

Until Magnus interrupts them again, there's not a single tiny bit of concern being expressed by Alec about his ability to "offer a good sexual performance", and/or "living up to his partner's expectations", either.

He's just this happy, carefree, loving partner having the time of his life, exploring something new and wonderful in his relationship with the man he loves - something that he never believed he could ever have for himself - and staying in the moment.

He's (rightly) assuming that, because Magnus saw him when it seemed no one else did, told him that being "different" was a good thing, has since been able to set up clear boundaries with him and hold him accountable in the relationship without targeting his ego, and has never tried to make him feel like he's not "good enough" for him, there's no reason why Magnus should expect him to offer anything other than himself.

There's no use for Alec to attempt to pretend he's this amazing lover when he's never been in the position of being a lover before, and Magnus has clearly told him that "he doesn't care how many people he hasn't been with" already.

Magnus makes Alec feel safe, unconditionally loved, supported, and gives him confidence.

Generally speaking, in virtually any context, he uses his own power and experience to empower Alec and help him reach his own potential, rather than seek to dominate him and make him feel small.

He's someone that Alec feels comfortable being emotionally and physically "naked" with.

I remember that the first time I heard and watched the way Alec proudly answered "Shadowhunter" - then immediately grabbed Magnus to kiss him some more (barely giving him any time to process the comment) - I was just totally overwhelmed with "feels"!

Alec is just so blissfully happy and adorably confident and way too pure for this world in this moment! And it's such a delight to watch Magnus positively respond to him and savor those moments with him.

Being innocent, in a sexual context, is not something that I personally see as turning 3 shades of red and starting to giggle nervously because someone said the word "penis" out loud, or freezing at the thought of seeing or touching a bit of skin.

I mean, seeing how comfortable Jace was with Alec walking in on him while he was in the middle of foreplay with a member of his "book club", I'm guessing that it's not the first time something like that has happened between them.

Alec himself appeared to be more irritated with Jace's blatant lack of shame or sense of interpersonal boundaries, rather than traumatized over what he saw was about to happen.

And then, there's Isabelle that, if I remembered correctly, complained about how she was constantly talking to Alec about her love/sex life, while he kept everything to himself.

So, there's no question that Alec knows what sex is, and likely sees sexual activity as something natural that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Being in his early twenties, you would sort of expect him to be surrounded by openly sexually active people and understand what's usually "going on" in a bedroom, not to mention having been given plenty of time to explore his own body.

Thus, what makes him innocent, in the context of a romantic and sexual relationship, to me, really is how he approaches lovemaking with such an open and trusting heart, while laughing, stumbling, trying to connect with his partner and focusing on them being happy together without any hint of concern or fear of being hurt in the process.

And Magnus offers Alec a safe space to be himself and fully enjoy the moment they are sharing by letting Alec set the pace and following his lead. He's stumbling, giggling, and allowing himself to be blissfully happy right alongside him, approaching the whole experience as something new and exciting.

And it is. Each partner you share a bed with is unique, and you will need to find your own shared rhythm with them.

Magnus, however, could easily have ignored all of this and spontaneously taken the role of "the experienced mentor" that will teach the "newbie" everything he knows about sex, including the "best, most pleasurable way to do it"! But he didn't.

And if you're laughing at the statement I just gave, you'd be surprised with how many partners I've had, in my teenage and adult years, that approached sex as some sort of competitive sport, boasting at their own skills and experience, and immediately tried to "take you under their wing" to "teach you all of their trade secrets" as soon as they learned that they were the most experienced out of the two.

Thankfully, my very first experience was with a guy one year younger than myself, that had only had one sexual partner before me, and who was just the sweetest, most attentive partner any virgin could have asked for.

He made the whole experience be about me being comfortable with what was happening and about us being and figuring things out together; and that was exactly what I needed at the time. He never made me feel like there was any rush for us to get anywhere specific together.

Sadly, not everyone is as fortunate. Some experienced partners appear to care way more about showcasing their skills and being praised for "giving you a good time", rather than achieving any sense of partnership.

I really believe, however, that the most experienced partner's role should always be to put themselves at the least experienced partner's level at first, so that they can then build something together from there.

Perhaps the least experienced one will be delighted to have the most experienced partner "show off" what they can do and teach them new things!

But the point simply is that it should be a choice they make, and not something that's being imposed on them from the get go on the assumption that "my job is to show you a good time and teach you stuff".

Immediately taking charge without first confirming that this is something the other wants or needs is the best way to damage the least experienced partner's confidence, make them feel like what they have to offer you with their current level of skills and knowledge isn't enough, and make them become overly fearful of taking initiative and just experimenting with different things in the bedroom.

And this is true whether the person you are with is someone you care about, love, and wish to develop a relationship with, or someone you just met at a bar and may never see again in your life.

Even if the goal of the sexual encounter isn't to build a more in depth relationship, the moment you are spending together is an intimate act where you are supposed to be partners. It's a moment where you need to make sure that you both (or all, should you be more than two) get something out of it, and feel like you are contributing to what's happening.

I have friends involved in BDSM - some of them enjoying the occasional company of a complete stranger as they feel it adds something exciting to the experience.

Anyone with a healthy approach to BDSM would tell you how important it is for any dominant/submissive dynamic to be consensual and include limits that all partners have discussed and agreed upon.

There's nothing wrong with the more experienced partner taking the lead in any sexual context, but they always need to make sure that this is what the other(s) want. Trust and communication are key - including paying attention to the non-verbal.

Thankfully, in this context Magnus handles Alec's innocence and inexperience absolutely beautifully, and is more than willing to make the moment about Alec and about the two of them.

Actually, Magnus is so skilled at matching Alec's own rhythm and sharing the experience with him, that he instinctively finds himself letting his own barriers down.

Apparently, Alec makes love with such an open heart and soul - hiding no part of himself in the process - that Magnus can't maintain his own glamour to hide any part of himself from Alec, either.

And, just like that, the power dynamic is changed!

In the Shadow World, Shadowhunters consider themselves the superior race since they share blood with the angels.

They are warriors of light imbued with Heavenly powers that proudly display their runes for anyone (except Mundanes, obviously) to see!

But the Downworlders - that share blood with demons - are taught to hide their "shameful demonic heritage" and are expected to constantly fight against their "demonic nature" that makes them "naturally more prone" to violence, decadence, evil actions, and so forth.

Warlocks may be the most powerful species of the Shadow World, they also are the literal children of demons - hybrids that can't even have their own children and who are carrying a physical mark that reflects their demonic parentage.

Some Shadowhunters apparently used to take those marks as trophies (it's pretty clear that Circle members still do), and it seems to be one of the ways that Shadowhunters sometimes use to confirm the identity of a warlock.

Later, we also learn that Magnus has been vulnerable to Asmodeus' influence as a child because he was the only other person he'd ever met with "eyes like his".

Magnus' eyes are tied to a lot of shame, early rejection (including his mother killing herself and abandoning him, when he was nine, when she finally realized what her son's cat eyes meant), and overall bad memories.

I think that the only times, until then, that we'd seen Magnus with his glamour down on the show was when he was trying to drive people away / intimidate them / remind them of how powerful and potentially dangerous he (or a spell he is performing) is.

It's when he wants people to remember that he's also "part monster", that they would do well not to get on his bad side, or make sure that someone requiring his services understands the type of forces they are dealing with.

Jocelyn Fairchild knocking at his door to get Clary's memories removed, those Circle members in the club, the one Magnus was fighting in his apartment...

They are all people that Magnus wanted to send some form of warning to, whether the warning was hostile, or not.

And suddenly, those "monster eyes" are on full display for Alec to see in a context where he wishes to make Alec feel safe and avoid anything that could ever drive him away.

Thanks to him having lost control over his glamour, Alec is now concerned that he's done something wrong...

And, although Magnus is quick to reassure Alec that his current reaction has nothing to do with something he did - or with him not wanting to share this intimate moment with him - he's still avoiding Alec's gaze, seemingly withdrawing from him, and offering no coherent or clear explanation as to why.

But, try as he might, Magnus can't bring the glamour back on, so he's essentially got two choices...

He can either trust that Alec won't leave once he sees his warlock mark, and that he'll be able to accept that it is a part of him that he can't always control (apparently).

That, should Alec find his eyes' appearance unsettling, they'll find ways to manage the situation until Magnus becomes better at maintaining his glamour around Alec while the two of them are being intimate with each other. Maybe get creative with the use of blindfolds?

Or he can continue to let Alec worry over what's happening while stubbornly keeping his eyes closed and refusing to look at him until he gets the glamour back on, thus maintaining a certain form of "barrier" between them.

Magnus thus chooses to take the risk of allowing himself to be vulnerable with Alec once again - allowing him to see him without any glamour - so he'll understand that his reaction wasn't caused by anything Alec did.

Or actually, maybe it was caused by something Alec did; just not by something Alec did wrong.

And I also love the way that Alec's expression doesn't change right away once Magnus finds the courage to turn around.

I love that Alec briefly continues to just look at him like he's still trying to figure out what's wrong with Magnus now that he's FINALLY able to look in his eyes - steadily searching for the answer there like he did earlier.

I like to think that Alec sort of initially just mentally went: "Okay, that's good, I've managed to get him to look at me. Now, I just need to convince him that it's okay for him to tell me what he meant by "los - OH!"

That the moment he realizes the eyes he's been looking into have changed color and appearance, he breaks into that slightly amused smile (mostly amused at himself for having been too focused on trying to read the emotions written there to immediately notice the change); relieved to know that Magnus and him will be okay.

Because, just like Madzie's gills looked incredibly cool, Magnus' cat eyes are absolutely gorgeous, and Alec knows he's just falling in love with his boyfriend's eyes all over again, gladly getting lost in their depth.

Alec can only hope that Magnus will believe him when he tells him that they are beautiful, that he's beautiful... That it will help relieve some of the pain, fears, and concerns he sees reflected in them...

Meanwhile, Magnus watches Alec go from being a concerned, confused, and inquisitive puppy; to a relieved, mesmerized, and adoring one in a matter of seconds!

Next thing he knows, there's a warm, gentle hand against his cheek; and a pair of open, steady, loving hazel eyes staring right back into his own, tenderly anchoring him there while Alec is calling his cat eyes beautiful, telling him that he's beautiful - all of him - with all the love and sincerity he can muster.

Magnus can allow himself to relax, lovingly reach up to caress the hand resting on his cheek while lazily blinking back at him in wonder.

His cat eyes - that Magnus had usually used to inspire respect and fear, to remind people of his powers and appear more intimidating - aren't driving him away.

For some reason, they appear to be drawing Alec in instead, inspiring him to move even closer to him rather than farther apart. And perhaps - just perhaps - if Alec can love them and see beauty in them, he might be able to learn to love and fully own that part of himself, too.

One of the things that fascinate me about Alec is that, once he found out that his parents and the Clave had lied to him his whole life about their involvement in the Circle, it's like he made the conscious decision to bring all of his perceptions of the Downworld back to factory reset.

He was able to recognize that all of the prejudices he'd ever had about warlocks, vampires, and other Downworlders weren't based on facts, and that there was no actual evidence that Downworlders were better or worse people just for having demon blood.

Instinctively, we fear what we don't know or don't understand - what we haven't been familiarized with when we were young. We perceive what isn't "like us" or "a part of our usual environment" as potential threats.

ROBERT: [Magnus]'s reputation precedes him. And even for a warlock, he’s a bit of a lothario. Alec, there’s so much that you don’t know about him.

ALEC: Well, then I plan to get to know him.

Alec's not denying that there are tons of things he doesn't know nor understand about Magnus, simply stating that he's not going to let that lack of knowledge make him treat Magnus as inherently "bad" or dangerous because of it.

He's going to take the time to get to know him - seek to better understand him - and he'll adapt his opinion of him based on what he sees, learns, finds, and experiences, rather than the opinion of people that have never bothered spending time with him, nor made any efforts to get to know him for who he is rather than what he could potentially do "as a warlock".

Better yet, he's going to start exploring the rest of the Downworld and getting to know their people as if he was experiencing their world and taking a look at them for the very first time, too.

When it comes to Magnus and the Downworld, Alec is choosing to leave himself open and trusting in the face of the unknown, rather than risking to unfairly treat them as threats to keep himself and fellow Shadowhunters "safe" from things they don't understand, yet are too fearful to go explore.

And, unlike Aldertree, he's wise enough to avoid treating anecdotal bad experiences, no matter how tragic or terrible they may be, as facts that can be generalized to all of the Downworld.

Just because the breaks of your car have malfunctioned and caused a crash doesn't mean that every car you'll climb in is ill-fated to have malfunctioning breaks and crash.

Alec is obviously not "innocent" all the way through. He grew up in a world of politics and is perfectly aware of the mind games and power plays that can and often occur there.

He was also emotionally and psychologically abused by parents that used his feelings to get what they wanted out of him (they may have thought they were doing it to protect their children from their past and the Clave, their behavior with their children was still controlling and abusive, even putting Jace, Isabelle, and Alec in the roles of the golden, invisible, and scapegoat child, respectively).

And that's sort of the point. Now that Alec has snapped out of it, he's very perceptive and typically good at noticing and identifying patterns of emotional manipulation, and/or when someone's motivations and goals go against the welfare of those they are supposed to be protecting.

And treating Downworlders as people also means avoiding to fall into the trap of idealizing them by believing that none of them ever would abuse their powers, among others.

Alec may have decided to start trusting and valuing Downworlders with an open heart, and utterly be refusing to see them as a threats based on their reputation and everything he doesn't know about them, but he still allows himself to have an opinion of each individual he meets.

Be they Shadowhunters, Downworlders, or Mundanes, if the individual's actions and motives appear to be self-serving, and/or threatens to bring harm to others, he won't trust nor support them.

But Magnus himself is the one that helped him realize that the way he'd been raised was wrong, and "snap out" of the manipulation and abuse he'd been the victim of. He's the one that inspired him to start questioning the "truths" he'd been blindly taught by the Clave, and to follow what he knew in his heart was right.

Magnus is the one that, while holding Alec accountable for his actions and letting him know when he didn't approve of his behavior, never tried to minimize what Alec was going through nor pretend that he was wrong for feeling the way he did.

In some ways, Alec is far from being innocent, but in others, he truly is.

He's never been in romantic relationship nor had sex with anyone before, he gets upset over the poor tunas being described as "fatty" on the menu of a sushi restaurant, he grew up being pretty sheltered from everything that exists outside of the Shadow World...

And, with Magnus, he doesn't need to pretend that he knows more than he does, nor hide any of that innocence from him, because he knows that he won't be judged for it, mocked about it or, especially, taken advantage of because of it.

He can afford to let his guards down and embrace that side of him that is filled with innocence and wonder because Magnus respects, values, and nurtures it.

What Magnus receives, in return, is the love and acceptation of someone that refuses to let other people's opinions or even blood connections dictate how he should see the world and others, takes the time to truly look at him, and openly tell him what he sees.

Alec doesn't care what warlocks marks are "supposed to mean" according to the Clave. Madzie's gills are cool-looking, so why shouldn't he compliment her on them?

Magnus' eyes are beautiful and he loves them, so why pretend otherwise?

"There is nothing ugly about you."

"I don't care who your parents are. I care who you are."

"You are the furthest thing from a greater demon."

After all, Alec's parents used to be Circle members, and he's the furthest thing from being Circle member, too.

All I can hope is that telling Magnus out loud that he shouldn't carry the burden nor shame of his parents' actions, or the fact that someone took advantage of him at his most vulnerable to try to turn him into someone he's not, is helping Alec truly internalize the fact that his family's crimes and mistakes aren't his to fix, and the way he'd treated or behaved with Downworlders before he realized how wrong his parents and the Clave were isn't something he should feel guilty about, either.

Take steps to make up for his mistakes and show proper responsibility for Downworlders who are under his people's protection, yes. Acknowledge what he did wrong and why it was wrong, absolutely.

But it doesn't make him a terrible person nor puts him at fault. He still deserves to be loved, cherished, put first, and be reminded of how beautiful he is, too.

I think what makes Malec such a beloved pairing is the amount of love and acceptance they have for each other, and their willingness to emotionally empathize despite their very different backgrounds and experiences.

Relationships do take efforts, but it is important not to overlook the type of efforts they require.

Relationships aren't about making the effort to change the other person to better suit yourself, nor to change yourself to become what the other person wants.

Because, while healthy relationships do, indeed, inspire people to change and (hopefully) become better; they do so by "unlocking" parts of ourselves that we didn't dare acknowledge, explore, develop, and/or express until then.

They do so by offering a supportive, loving, and safe environment for certain aspects of our personalities to hatch, take root, and/or grow.

But those are changes that come from within.

You can offer a romantic partner opportunities for change as much as you want, if they do not feel like they have anything to gain by embracing them (or worse, if their goal is to dominate and control the relationship), nothing good will come of it.

Those efforts, instead, are about learning to know and understand each other, finding the right balance between your partner's needs and your own, leaving your ego at the door while trying to resolve conflicts, admitting to being wrong when you are, showing appreciation and respect towards your partner for taking responsibility for their mistakes when it turns out that you are right, and seeking to come out of any conflict or difficult situation with the two of you having gained or learned something out of it, and with your partnership having ideally grown stronger from the experience.

Those efforts are about being willing to pool resources together to support and make each other stronger. They are about finding how to make your respective differences work in such a way that they complement each other, and accept that there are aspects of your lives where you'll need to agree to disagree.

Relationships take efforts, but they require healthy efforts.

And some of those efforts, thankfully, turn out to be more rewarding than anything else.

Because, while Magnus does have to make the effort of being mindful that he's Alec first romantic and sexual relationship, and he does have to make the effort of giving him space to explore, take risks, and set the pace for the both of them, he seems to be enjoying every single second of it.

Since Alec grew up in such a very sheltered environment, there are tons of things in the Mundane world - and even just life in general - that he's yet to have tasted, touched, seen, heard and experienced.

By loving him - by emotionally connecting with Alec - he gets the chance to re-experience many of the things he loves with him for the first time, too.

I have absolutely no trouble imagining Magnus bringing Alec to his favorite restaurants not so much for the food itself, but to drink in the sight of Alec tasting it and listening to him commenting on it - regardless of whether he ends up enjoying the same foods he does or not.

When they walk hand-in-hand in the streets of a foreign city, Alec is likely to pay attention to things that Magnus himself may never have noticed before, and appreciate details that he may have grown to take for granted over time, or stopped noticing after a while.

And, after having grown up with parents that - in Alec's own words - have drilled into him that he was never good enough, Alec has met someone that finds delight and joy in almost everything he does, and who treats him like he's the best thing that has ever happened to him in hundred of years!

Somehow, their respective needs and wants work together in a very beautiful and organic way.

They are different and they do come from different worlds, but their core values, personalities, ability to derive genuine happiness from their partner's own experience of it, and their desire to treat their relationship as a true partnership makes it work and allows them to overcome challenges together.

Magnus offered Alec a world he never thought he'd ever be allowed to have and experience.

youtube

Alec offered Magnus the key to opening his heart and fully emotionally connecting with all the wonders and joys of their world.

Magnus' powers is the magic he was born with, but Alec's love and innocence is the magic he chose to bring home with him and keep safe.

#Malec #Magnus Bane #Alec Lightwood #Alexander Lightwood #Shadowhunters #My thoughts #My stuff #Except for the video at the bottom from YouTube #Videos #My Post #Apparently Alec isn't the only one that tends to overthink things...#I just have way too many feels about these two lately #The art of coming in late to a fandom...#And word-vomitting meta upon it...#I might recover from that pairing...#One day...#Or maybe never...#Yeah never's good...

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theartsanityshoppe · 26 days

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I like your detective stuff! Does he have a nemesis like Sherlock has Moriarty? And was he born mute or did he lose his voice? The sign language is really nice to see in a character!

Why was this in the 'bashful' gif options

Thanks Anon!! I greatly appreciate the comment~ I myself, also really like my detective stuff and I mean reeeeeeeeeeeeally like it lmao

Otherwise, I'm going to write these answers out as the parts of the story these questions delve into is being currently reworked and some of the answers are kinda up in the air / half canon as of right now. This will probably be a longish answer so I'll put a quick answer up here, and a "read more" underneath that with my ramblings. Quick answers: Was he born mute or did he lose his voice? - He was born mute. Does he have a nemesis? - Yes and no... I've cycled through a few characters but the main one now, without spoiling much, is named F.E.L.I.X.. But I've been working on a couple others who could possibly take over as his main nemesis.

For longer, more rambly answers, keep reading!

So like I said the answer to at least his nemesis part is kind of up the in air atm. I also wanted to expand a little on the mute aspect~

Flint is primarily mute because I tend to view this world in the terms of a video game, in which of course the player would play as the Det. [and as Cy actually who hasn't appeared in the comics yet] and like a lot of video games I always imagined him as being a "silent protag" despite still communicating with the other characters. Like Link in the new BOTW/TOTK games.

The second reason behind it was I just couldn't imagine him with a voice?? No matter how hard I tried, it just felt. Wrong for his character if that makes sense? So I figured "hey why not just give him sign language! How often do you see a deaf or mute main character anyway?" I've started to see more ASL used in shows - most recently in Only Murders in the Building which I LOVE [both the shows and the inclusion/importance of the deaf character in the story] and I thought it would make him a more interesting main character tbh. I also really really REALLY want to learn ASL, as my first grade teacher taught us a bunch when I was a kid but I've sadly forgotten just about all of it as she was just teaching us for fun. It had nothing to do with the class lol.

As for Flint's nemesis[es]! He currently has at least two, one of which is still so under-construction they don't even have a name yet or a design hahahaha.

Originally his nemesis was supposed to be Prof. Specter, aka this guy, whose a literal shadow man. [Cuz. Yah know. Shadow vs Light/Flames?] He was supposed to be almost the Dr. Claw to Flint's Inspector Gadget, but I just never went anywhere with him?? I couldn't really think up anything good tbh, and I felt like Flint easily overpowered him. I also couldn't think up any good reasons for him to BE so evil/want to attack the town etc. So he just became a smaller villain, who currently works under the main big bad. I am a MASSIVE sucker for "opposite" characters - the "good" version vs the "evil" version basically, and I have been actively trying to utilize that in a story of mine FOR YEARS. Think like, Darkwing Duck vs Nega Duck. This shit is my JAM.

For the first nemesis, his name is F.E.L.I.X. [Force Entity Learning Integrating and eXterminating] Flint, and he's a sort of "evil" version of Flint. [These are all cheebs of the various forms Felix currently takes in story]

The littlest dude is ACTUALLY Felix, [he starts off by possessing a flash drive and transforming it] and the rest are just later forms he takes throughout the story. Originally he was just some weird little alien computer virus that landed on earth, a la Invader Zim style, here to prepare Earth for conquer by his Mother Program, which is still more or less the case? The reasoning behind him being in Neo Oldesville and him eventually taking on Flint's appearance have changed a lot though.

The main reason I hesitate to call him a nemesis atm is because he was originally just more of a comedic, but still kinda dangerous, character and Felix Flint was originally going to be a sort of split in Felix's personality/code that took life on it's own, separate from Felix, warped by the internet, others personalities, and probably some other villain's code. He was just gonna go kinda crazy as his coding was rewritten too many times and start attacking... but that idea has been scrapped due to the rewrites.

He was also smart, but not in the same ways the Detective is, so they weren't really butting heads like Sherlock/Moriarty do wherein Felix would be besting Flint at every turn or something like that. Instead Flint actually bested Felix pretty easily originally. Felix Flint was basically my solution to fix that major leveling scale issue lol.

The other character, the unnamed one, is a Mad Scientist/Cult leader, whose become basically the 'secret' big bad of what I would call the first season of the story. Idk maybe longer than that? I haven't decided on how long I want this story to be tbh. I'm still working on the character and their storyline and how it intersects with both Flint's and Cy's, (whose the deuteragonist to this story)... but the most I do know/will reveal here is that this Mad Scientist is the leader of a cult that worshiped two aliens that used to exist on planet who promised to help the humanoids [as people are generally referred to here] "ascend to a higher life form" but were later stopped and destroyed by a group of super-hero like super spy sisters who learned that the aliens were in fact extremely hostile and their idea of "ascending to a higher plan" was just assimilating all of this worlds knowledge/tech and then selling off its inhabitants as slaves. I haven't decided if the rest of the world knows this fact, or if the alien characters are considered martyrs or something yet... or even if the rest of the world knew they WERE aliens. Just that they're eventually defeated by these legendary super-spies, and that a small cult remained behind after everyone else moved on from their teachings.

The leader of this new cult basically wants to bring those aliens back - specifically by summoning one of their kin to the world to help fully restore one of the deceased aliens back to life, but what he summons is Felix instead, as the race of aliens the cult worshiped had all been destroyed and absorbed by Felix's Mother Program years ago. Irony at its finest lol.

This new mad scientist/cult leader character is supposed to have very deep ties with Cy, who in turn has pretty deep ties to Flint, and I've been planning on possibly making him a sort of Moriarty to Flint, but I'm still ironing out details.

One reason I haven't quite finished this all yet is because while I am planning on using some religious ideology [is that the right word here? or would mimicry be better] in the cult, I don't necessarily want to make it a "RAWR RAWR RELIGION IS EVIL RAAAWR" kind of situation, since it's specifically that CULTS are evil. I myself was born and raised without religion in my life outside of just being in America, so while I don't believe in any religion at all, I also don't want to be cruel to anyone who does. I do, however, know that a lot of cults use Christianity as a guise to trick their followers into controlling them though.

Mostly I just really want the two aliens from the original cult to look semi like a devil and an angel cuz I thought it'd be hilarious if they were basically the "angel and devil on your shoulders" lmao.

If anyone wants to know more I'm happy to explain even more in detail. I don't care about spoiling things haha I'm not planning on creating a huge comic or anything anytime soon - I mean I would love to turn this series into a game or something in the future but for now I'm just having fun I LOVE talking about my characters/stories.

#man this turned into a LOOOONG post!#ask #news today interview #thanks anon!#detective flint #felix flint #cy

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mana-jjk · 5 months

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this is so good. ok so it seems like toge did not take yuuta leaving to study abroad very well. I wonder how that conversation went.

Also I am obsessed with fashion student nobara. I'm curious how the main trio become friends

thank you !! 🥺

study abroad:

• so the last thing i want to do is make toge out as being too dependent. the reason why he struggled so much is because of a variety of factors weighing on him. his family life, his unhappiness with college, losing a close friend for a year, guilt at his scholarship, isolation from classmates who couldn’t understand sign, etc.

• that being said, yuuta was completely against the idea of going abroad at first.

• it was a proposed study abroad/internship that gojo and shoko helped set-up for him without really consulting him first (gojo lol). but it was also a really good opportunity under the guidance of a traveling anthropologist, miguel, who had medical connections in africa.

• maki immediately pushed him to do it, saying it would be an insult not to take advantage of every opportunity. med school is competitive and he needed every advantage and connection on his side. she was obviously going to miss him, though she’d never admit it out loud, but her ambition is what has fueled her for her entire life.

• panda was less passionate about it, and a lot more expressive at his bittersweet reaction. but he grew up around academics with no perception of time, so he was full of encouragement and promises.

• toge’s immediate reaction was pride for him, he was always trying to tell yuuta how amazing he was and this was just a product of his work. he tried to ignore the heavy pit in his chest, the way his eyes burned every time he thought about going a year without seeing him.

• for yuuta the thought of leaving his friends to an entirely different country was terrifying. what if they found new friends they liked better than him? what if they forgot him? what if everything was different when he came back? he was terrified, and anxious, and everything in between and at night it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

• it’s toge with his awful sleep schedule that finds him huddling under a blanket at an ungodly hour. face pale, eyes dull, knee bouncing with a mind of its own. and despite the way toge wanted to tell him just to stay, he never could bear to see him suffer.

• so he ignores the way his hands shake, he pulls the blanket up just enough to hide alongside him, and traces into the palm of his hand, ‘what do you want?’

• and strangely enough, he’s the first one to ask him that. it’s enough to send him to tears, shoulders up to his neck, and head bowed with a sniffle.

• “i want to do this,” he says, “but i don’t want to leave, i want to stay with everyone. What if you forget all about me?”

• ‘you think one year would be enough for us to ever forget you? stupid. we encourage you because we love you, but we’ll be counting down the days until you come back,’ toge hesitates before softly reminding him, ‘how could i ever forget you?’

• by the end of it, yuuta runs out of tears to cry and promises to buy a better phone so they can facetime.

• if they hug for a little too long at the airport, not even maki gives them grief about it. they even get a calendar designated, ‘days until yuuta is home.’

the first-year trio:

• so i do have some grief about how exactly these kids would have met. and i know for sure that yuuji is probably the gravitational force here.

• so if i had to break it down, i would say that megumi probably noticed yuuji right away, but was too emo to approach him. they probably shared a pre-requisite class that yuuji struggled in and then noticed how smart megumi was. cue yuuji bombarding him, pleading for help and basically dragging him into helping him. from there, yuuji eventually attached himself to his hip, especially after meeting his dogs.

• they met nobara halfway through the semester. completely on accident, on their way back from a study session that accomplished nothing, to see her threatening someone with a hammer.

• to say they were shocked is downplaying it.

• it turns out the guy had tried attacking her first. but as per her heated explanation, she happened to have a hammer from one of her projects in her crafting bag that she busted his knee cap with. then proceeded to yell at him for the next ten minutes until they passed by.

• they helped her move the guy to the nearest police station, and yuuji insisted on walking her back home. she gave him a scrutinizing glare before shoving her bag into his hands, to which he took with minimal complaint. from there she decided their presence would be beneficial enough, though she complained about megumi’s resting face.

• i absolutely love nobara getting to do fashion design and marketing, i think she would be such an unhinged creator.

• she has every social media possible, posting pictures of both the outfits she creates and the crazy marketing strategies she employs.

• she still wants to model, and insists her style is completely unique. she even hammers metal into her functional fashion that she boasts with a crazy grin.

• yuuji once offered to model for her and she gave him such a disgusted look that it physically wounded him lol

• it’s actually meeting maki and toge that inspires her. she designs so many outfits for maki that her closet actually starts to fill with something other than training equipment. meanwhile toge does have some interest in fashion and is genuinely interested in her work. he’s one of the few men she tolerates and actually has asked him to be her reference for male attire, something that makes yuuji give her a kicked puppy look.

• anyway toge is actually her bestie because he’ll spend hours talking about her designs, and also do the dance trends with her. she already decided the day she and maki have a child that he will be the god parent lol

whew, thank you for the asks !! i always talk way too much so this might take a hot minute to go through them, but i truly appreciate the interest !! 🥺🫶

#inumaki toge #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #yuuta okkotsu #inuokko #ottoge #maki zenin #nobara kugisaki #itadori yuuji #megumi fushiguro #college au

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stargirlfeyre · 10 months

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“Azriel may be boring as shit but at least he never went after someone who was actively treating Feyre like shit. At least the Archeron he’s going after is actually working to fix her relationship with Feyre. Cassian went for someone who was still treating his friend like dog shit and I just can’t respect that.” ALL OF THIS

i’m always hesitant to say this bc some ppl are super sensitive when it comes to cassian for some funny reason (all the other boys are able to be criticized but not him bc he can be funny?) but part of why i don’t like him as much as azriel is because of how he went for nesta too early on, it was super premature for him to come onto her so blatantly in front of everyone even when she was mortal and he’d literally just met her, knowing how feyre was treated etc…i adore cassian when i don’t look at his character too closely. as much as i prefer feyssian over feyzriel because of her and cassian having more sweet bestie moments than her and az do, whenever there’s a discussion i’ll always choose az first because of cassian and nesta. like anon said i can’t help but put myself in feyre’s shoes when i’m reading but i don’t like that he came onto nesta the way he did and how soon he did, and he had no shame about it in front of feyre and the rest.

i know some people are super chill or they have sisters or family members that cross these lines all the time, like your friend flirting with your sister, but in my family or friend groups we don’t do that especially if a sister is really mean to me, why would i approve of my friend going for her so blatantly in front of me? it’s not so much a harsh or possessive petty thing but just basic morale? cassian imo doesn’t get enough flack for how he came onto nesta so soon. it’s true too that at least az didn’t show any signs of having a crush until acowar and acofas, i prefer someone humbly and respectfully handling a crush on my sister than how in your face cassian was about it with nesta in only book two. idk sometimes it feels like his dick thinks for him and even acosf proved that.

i prefer acowar cassian! but i also skip the pages whenever he’s acting out over nesta or they’re both being angst ridden for one another, i just can’t take it seriously bc he was obv thinking with his dick or mating bond and she was still treating everyone like they were less than her despite her being a pos who has never done anything.

idk 😮‍💨 like i said it’s so easy to love cass as a character when you don’t look at his dynamic with nesta from feyre’s shoes in book two. i imagine mainly feyre stan’s struggle with him due to his attachment to nesta so early on. that bonus chapter anon mentioned where cassian put his body up against nesta’s asking whether she was a virgin or not? he’d only recently met her and was doing that, it being too soon aside, it was very inappropriate to do. even mor made it clear that he acts that way with women when they don’t want him and see’s it as “a challenge” just 10 reasons why az and rhysand will always come off as the most mature to me.

the other reasons i don’t favor him have to do with sjm having him refer to nesta as a queen in acosf, him always showing doubt with the ic’s decisions in acosf as if he’s not apart of the ic (why did he seem so against them in acosf at times? most of the time they were right too so it was just weird for sjm to do) saying nesta didn’t need to apologize to anyone supposedly (really sjm? 💀) having sex with nesta on a hike where she was supposed to own up to her wrongs and mature after she just told feyre she could die (inappropriate timing much..?) acting funny when rhysand felt the need to tell her to be nice to gwyn and emerie when he knows damn well rhysand isn’t at the house of wind like them to know nesta’s behavior had gotten better. how the hell would rhysand know that nesta’s not being mean to him when rhysand’s only ever seen her be rude af to everyone..? and then made it even worse when he petulantly wrapped his arm around nesta to make rhysand feel uncomfortable.

•

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kiwibirdlafayette · 9 months

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chaos and balance- the capsize

"i don't think you understand what's actually happening here. If you'd just open your bloody fucking eyes, it's pretty obvious."

Chaos and Balance is a narrative playlist that basically comprises, in a chronological order, my headcanon for the progression of cTom Syndicate and cJordan's relationship through the course of S1, S2, the divorce arc (post-canon part 1), Mianitian Isles and the Aftermath (post-canon part 2, aka Gays on A Boat, Aitheaca, etc.) It started mainly because I really love the potential of using music to tell stories, and how lyrics can be representative of feelings seldom expressed any other way- based on both canon moments, moments I've interpreted as significant to their relationship/overall arcs, and little interludes I've written that take place in between episodes/"off camera" that connect things together in my head. All this being said, it is primarily headcanons, and is purely for fun. dont like dont read lmao

This specific being how keeping in the canon nonsense of capsize x jordan plays a role in cSyndisparklez from my pov :] enjoy!

(Red lyrics are representative of Jordan’s voice, green is Tom! Bolded black is both of them)

The shenanigans of Capsize happen just after falling for the villain,

in which Jordan is forced internally for the first time to come to terms with the fact that yes, he is in love with his friend/enemy/however you wanna put it. Despite how much he annoys him, despite all of his questionable behavior, despite it all, he has fallen head over heels for this absolute bastard of a man, and hates to admit it, but deep down has longed for a kind of affection that he could have.

I'll take my timeI'm not the forward thinker; you read my mind-

But a part of him still remains hesitant, and for one reason or another, refuses to give in, to openly admit it to not just others but himself. It’s at this point (I’ve written in) that Tom’s kissed him twice. The first, just a little peck on the lips he was able to brush off as a joke, just a hahaa ok cool bro that's funny. But the second time, as a cheap play by the zombie to get a purge kill having already caught the Ianitee off guard. It's irritating for sure, to have him weasel his way into free points by taking advantage of a distraction that worked a little too well, but why could he not get it out of his head? It hadn’t felt so wrong, actually, and… he had almost hoped it had been genuine. If it had been genuine, maybe he would have returned the gesture.

Better to leave it unsaidWhy can't I leave it unsaid

Instead they dance around it in banter, blathering on and on to one another in often complete nonsense, refusing to address what’s really on his mind. (You know I talk too much) He could confess, sure. But what happens then? All the meanwhile, Tom is scared he’s losing him. (As I hold your face, I can't find the words I need, and soon the opportunity is drowning)

Never someone all that good with words, he kind of hopes that Jordan will catch on. He has to catch on, sooner or later.. Right?Z

And then Capsize and the Ianitee pirates show up. To Jordan, it seems like she’s interested in him beyond him just being another follower of Ianite, and there’s his escape. Play along, play the part and maybe- maybe he’ll get over this.

You know my type, tightrope across the table I can't keep holding my breath

She seems to be into it. She’s responding to his flirting at least. See. He doesn’t need Tom. An Ianitee and another Ianitee seems more acceptable to him in his head, and maybe would be easier. That about, he’s not really sure.

New wave, no time Red velvet under pressure

But what Jordan does know is that he’s drawn to her. To him, it could be a way to forget about Tom. To the varied onlooker, it could just be that he’s happy to have another Ianitee around. Someone who can relate to his experience, someone who’s out to find their goddess just as much as he wants to. But he continues to conflate the two and pursue her in a way that he won’t realize for years is less than ideal.

It sparks my memory when we parked aside the shore, I kissed you there, the ocean air enchanting It escapes me quickly

Tom on the other hand, is for lack of a better word furious. Not in like a “I’m gonna murder this pirate captain for stealing my man” (because if he’s honest she’s one of the coolest people he’s met and he’s gonna befriend her whether Jordan likes it or not, with him claiming it to be ‘Mr. steal your gal’ which is??? Because does it really seem like he wants Capsize, if not as a spiteful thing)

When Jordan’s not around, Tom and Capsize hit it off, as she finds this zombie who doesn’t want to flirt with her at any given moment a lot more of an interesting person. As a Dianitee, he’s supposed to be their enemy, but for someone so supposedly dedicated to his god, he knows how to carve his own path away from being more than his god’s messenger- something she’s always admired in champions.

You call me poison, but you won't stop coming around- No, you won't stop coming around

For the purpose of perhaps getting Jordan to get the hint, Tom plays into their supposed love triangle, pretending to do things to ‘steal away Capsize’, only feeding into Jordan’s confusion. *Now Tom’s interested in her too? Is he trying to move on from me too? *- clearly to dense to realize Tom’s trying to get his attention back. She even admits to Tom that it's amusing that men seem to keep coming after her, when she’s very much more into women (abridged, but direct quote)

All I want is you- Your violet disposition, My unsound intuition

It all sort of culminates in that moment on Jordan’s ship where Tom, annoyed from his perch, watches his friend make an absolute fool of himself over Capsize, and decides to intervene, taking on the role of “fighting” Jordan over her. Capsize in a way is having a good laugh watching them roll around on the deck of the ship (I’ve drawn this, this is where it all started), starting to see it all sort of come together as to where Jordan could be coming from. At some point, Tom’s got Jordan pinned to the deck, and as one last desperate attempt at trying to communicate what he’s been trying to all along, he kisses Jordan, and much to his surprise, he kisses him back. They pull away, to Capsize’s approving nods, and it's all over.

(Jordan’s attempts at saving this are my interpretation of this conversation, aka one of my favorite chat threads of S1)

In the aftermath of all of that (If I had any semblance of a memory I’d pinpoint when exactly this interlude takes place, but im just ballparking it somewhere after Jordan dies in Tom’s vault bc Capsize doesn’t save him); in which he’s still thinking about what happened that day. Jordan reluctantly confronts Tom who spills it all. He tells him how much and how long he’s been in love with him, and how frustrated it made him that every time he kissed Jordan, Jordan never seemed to reciprocate no matter how obvious his feelings were. He’s tried so hard to make it clear that all he wants is Jordan, he wants to be loved back, he wants to be able to call him his lover. He did what he did in front of Capsize cause the fake ass courting set him over the edge because it pissed him off that Jordan would so quickly go after someone he just met just because she was an Ianitee or whatever to get away from him, because was he really that bad that Jordan had to try to hard to stay away from him? Tom knows he had himself to blame as well, but it felt like a step too far.

Always been looking for something to lose, when I needed something to hold onto.

(This sequence is followed by Pull Me Up, which. If you haven’t seen my CMV that’s the one xD)

Note. For my sanity I choose to perceive that any capsize x jordan moments following are more related to Jordan’s ‘holiest of all Ianitees’ attitude and feeling like he has to be her savior (which is a different aspect of his character arc from the romantic side, which is what I mostly wanted to focus on with this ramble, but i do touch on it a little. It's not as ever present as it could be because I haven’t found the right song to incorporate it into outside of Violet and Talk Too Much) But there is definitely more. This is from what i have notated in my stuff for these two sequences :] enjoy!

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songofthesibyl · 1 month

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Further thoughts on mates, mental illness, and “because magic.”

Another tangential thing from the Tamlin/Amarantha mates theory—the idea that it would give more nuance to Tamlin, and make him “make sense.” It would not. It would simply be a redundant idea that is already covered in so many other ways. He has magic inside him he can’t handle simply as an accident of fate; magic that ties him to something forever even if he doesn’t want it. He will always be his father’s son and have his blood. He already rejected Amarantha, and Hybern, and his father, over and over, for centuries. Why does he need an extra super special rejection for? What would being mated to Amarantha add that isn’t covered already in the above examples? It just further illustrates the same things but ties her to him in a way that, even though he rejected her, he would have “felt inside of him” for centuries. Imagine every romantic thing people talk about with Elucien but it’s Amarantha instead. It’s more of the gratuitous “pile on suffering” with no different ideas or character development than what already exists and was the definition of his character in the first book.

So then we’re left with the fact it would explain why he is what he is in ACOMAF. Which, again, was really just a thinly-drawn explanation for why Feyre didn’t prove Amarantha right for leaving him. But beyond that—

It follows the “because magic” explanation of the bond with Rhysand. Even though he was Tamlin’s foil, and he and Feyre had this blissful night in the cabin—he is still afraid of hurting her, so has to beat up his friends to get out all the energy inside him. And maybe people want a chapter 54 for Tamlin, and similar “because magic” excuses for him. But I don’t. That gives him less nuance, makes him less interesting, and further muddles the topics of mental health and PTSD that were explored with his character, in ways that are very problematic for me.

What he experienced makes sense for how messed up he was in ACOMAF. In the first book, Lucien, in his own words, was worried about him. After the head in the garden Tamlin was away for a long time, and when Feyre asked how he was Lucien could only reply “alive.” After Rhysand terrorizes them in his manor Tamlin releases his desperation, fear, and anger by destroying part of it. He tells Feyre point blank he has rage issues in the study scene. Rhysand said his temper was always his downfall. So this is someone with underlying issues who had been cursed twice by Amarantha and had his agency and power taken away for decades. Who then saw the people he loved get repeatedly tortured (in Lucien’s case, by Tamlin himself when he was forced to whip him), and, in Feyre’s case, brutally murdered in front of him. All simply for the fact that they loved him. I don’t get why his PTSD has to be explained further.

As for the High Lady/Tithe/etc pile-ons to drive the point home that you shouldn’t like him now, part of that comes from Ianthe’s Iago-like influence over him, but yes, would benefit from his POV and not TikTok fanon. But (apart from Ianthe) that is separate from his PTSD and mental health issues, which again I don’t get the need to explain the causes for.

And, particularly for a disorder—there doesn’t have to be a reason at all. I was basically born with depression and anxiety disorders that I inherited at least some of from my mother. I didn’t understand at 4, 5, 6 years old why I had an upset stomach all the time, or why I felt “sad.” And my mother struggled with mental illness, and was scary to be around, and I didn’t want to be like her. I didn’t want to scare people. But I knew I had the same thing inside of me. And when I became the age she was when I was little, it was me who got overwhelmed and broke down, who screamed, who shattered a window with her fist. Who was the one people did not want to be around, whose family hesitated to tell her things because of how she might react—like Tamlin and Feyre’s pregnancy. Sometimes what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger. And you wear thin—butter scraped over too much bread—and it gets through.

For Tamlin, sadly, this aggression and emotional instability became dangerous. He hurt those around him—without even meaning to. He literally and figuratively blew up his life. He had great control over himself until after UTM, relatively speaking, but he was struggling, he was suffering. And he broke. It makes sense. And it doesn’t even have to make sense. So while Rhysand having no choice and all is nice for his fans, I don’t need or want that for Tamlin, certainly not at the price of his being tied to, and again, physically feeling the presence of someone just as bad as his father inside of him for centuries. It is not needed to explain it. And it would not somehow justify it. As said—Rhysand felt the power of the mating bond, and despite his being the anti-Tamlin, was not immune from its effects. But he still was able to leave Feyre, even though the energy had to come out somehow. So it wouldn’t then be justified in text for Tamlin to blow up as the result of “going crazy” because he killed his mate—or any other reason, unless he had no agency/was forced to. And I was not impressed by Rhysand’s “I regret I could not make it better.” I would not be if Tamlin said the same. He is not a monster because of what happened, but he is accountable—and that’s ok.

But it’s harmful, and dangerous to me, to feel the need to explain Tamlin’s psychological state any more than is already done. There is no formula for depression, PTSD, etc. that would make Tamlin’s actions and behavior inevitable. There is no measure of what makes a deep depressive state “make sense” necessarily (of course sometimes there are specific reasons, or life events that exacerbate an underlying condition, as with Tamlin). The vast, vast majority of people with PTSD, mental illness and mental health disorders are not dangerous to others—they might be a danger to themselves, or struggling like Nesta, but they are not monsters, ticking time bombs waiting to go off. Unfortunately, for fantasy, magic influences the mental state in ways that aren’t applicable to real life. But in the end, it should never be the conclusion that a suitable “excuse” for PTSD and mental illness needs to be provided. Or that what Tamlin went through isn’t “enough.” It simply doesn’t work that way.

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edensrose · 1 year

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*Seductively* Heyyy~~

I had a very sad thought. Like, a very very sad one. It's about Mairon (and minorly Thuringwethil). I'm sorry, but it's a very long one. If you don't want to read it, I'll understand! No hard feelings!

So, you know how Balrogs are basically Maiar who willingly joined Melkor? Mairon wasn't a Balrog. Which goes to say that he possibly swayed onto Melkor's side, and still can potentially leave him (Melkor), which makes it so tragic because he could have left Melkor during the end of the First Age like when a few Maiar/ servants of Melkor surrendered to the Valar... so why didn't Mairon leave or surrender?

And also the way Thuringwethil and Mairon were written in the Silmarillion, it just (personally) gives the aura that they were forced to do the things they did with absolutely no say. I know they both did horrible things (like torture or murder/ pillage etc) but doesn't it strike that they were forced to do something like that? Given that Mairon was a servant of Aulë, he surely would have spent some quality time with Yavanna as well, and it is said that Yavanna gave life, so don't you think that quality of Yavanna would rub off on Mairon too? For instance, Aulë made life (dwarves), and I'm pretty sure Mairon felt guilted by all the deaths he had brought about. He wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but I really feel like it would guilt him a lot, to the extent that he would find being alive more like a curse.

And Melkor might have known this. And I believe he tortured Mairon and Thuringwethil with this (I read a HC somewhere that Thuringwethil might have been a Maia of Este or Irmo), giving them both no choice but to follow his orders. And it is said that Mairon's Fëa grew dark, but being a Maia of Aulë who works in the forges day and night, who handles fire and electric currents, who handles light, wouldn't it be odd that Mairon liked the darkness? His Fëa must surely have been fiery to have to deal with being a Maia of Aulë, so where did this darkness come from? I believe Melkor enforced it upon him, since it was stated somewhere in Tolkien's books (I don't remember which one) that the Ainur value their Fëar, and would rather die (set it free) than let it be tainted (like when there was a draft-version when Melkor wanted to forcefully marry Arien and she set her Fëa free), so maybe Melkor was the reason why Mairon did everything he did.

What if Mairon had a feeling Melkor was doing something bad after being set free by Mandos, and when he went to discover it, Melkor grasped him, and darkened his soul?

And it was said that Melkor poured a part of his Fëa into the world before being booted into the Void in order to keep a sense of evil and command and his will, so what if he poured some in Mairon and Thuringwethil to keep them bound to him and his will?

What if Mairon had tried to reach out to Eönwë the whole First Age, but at the same time had to play a convincing role to Melkor, which led him to commit hundreds of atrocities? And what if Eönwë found out, which was why he requested Mairon to surrender?

And during the Second Age, what if Mairon had found a way to extract that darkness within himself and Thuringwethil, when he made the One Ring? I like to think that it wasn't Mairon's entire Fëa in it; possibly a mix of his and Thuringwethil's, and the only way to remove them both from the command/ bounding of Melkor was to destroy it. But maybe he didn't know how, or perhaps the darkness was also a part of Mairon which was why he was so hesitant to/ didn't want to destroy it?

What if the torture of Celebrimbor wasn't Mairon's wish, but Melkor overtook Mairon's Fëa? So it was Mairon's hands that harmed Celebrimbor, but Melkor's will did so.

And when the ring was destroyed, he and Thuringwethil were set free, and possibly went to Valinor undergoing lots of therapy by Namo or back to the Timeless Halls, being given intense psychotherapy by Eru?

(Also as I said earlier that HC of Thuringwethil being a Maia of Este or Irmo, wouldn't darkness be a bit too much for her too? So it wasn't her choice maybe? Or when taken by Melkor, he bound her to one form (the Vampire)?)

Idk, maybe this is a good take on Mairon and Thuringwethil? It came to my mind at like, 1am a few months ago at night, and now it just wouldn't go. And now I feel so bad for him and Thuri, and thankfully I found a fic on A03 based on this HC.

Also, this take on Melkor doing this to Mairon was due to me not shipping Angbang (I'm sorry, it just personally hits as being very abusive and toxic), and I believe he physically, emotionally and psychologically (spiritually too, maybe?) tormented Mairon.

Sorry for the very long take...

If you reached here, here are a few emojis to show my thanks for reading this because I can't physically do this: 🤗🫂😘😚😽

Angband mutuals and followers please do caution when reading

Hi dear, personally I don't really vibe with this since I headcanon Mairon to have his own evil outside of Melkor rather than Melkor having forcing him into everything, but I'm sure someone out here on tumblr will appreciate this so I'll just post this so others can see

Still a very angsty thought though!! I can see you put a lot of time and thought into this 💕

#— ꒰🌺꒱ 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐬 ៸៸ anon ❜‧#imagine #mairon #thuringwethil #tw abuse #tw dark themes #anti angband #??????#sorry i just have a lot of angband followers so read with caution

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mythicandco · 1 year

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OK OK HERE WE GO

this is also gonna be long i also love these kids too much (and if some of this doesn't exactly align with timeline canon then uhhh. forgive me? this is just the silly brainworms) [same rules from your ask, everything platonic yadda yadda]

Jonah, Adam, and Evelin have all known each other since they were quite young. Adam and Jonah basically since kindergarten, and they met Evelin in late elementary/early middle school. They were a fun trio for a long time and did basically everything together. Then Adam and Evelin officially got together in early high school and things started to drift. Jonah felt more and more like a third wheel, hangouts were few and far between, basically the beginning of Adam and Evelin's relationship was good for them but not good for the whole group.

Mid-end of high school is when things started to fall apart between the two of them until it all led to the breakup. This would also be around when Adam's obsession with Alternates got more and more present and the investigations started. However, this was also when Evelin and Jonah got closer, they kinda bonded over feeling mistreated by Adam and would vent their frustrations to each other. Jonah was never really angry at her during the relationship, he just kinda felt like he was left behind, so being able to explain his frustrations to her allowed him to release a lot of pent-up stress.

Similar to what you said, Adam and Jonah are basically inseparable. they were like The Duo of every school they went to. yknow. The Two Weird Kids Duo. Jonah was loud and brash but wasn't really good at making friends, Adam was a brooding and mysterious loner, no one ever expected them to get along but they did. Jonah was always the nervous and cautious one though. Adam was the one dragging the two of them to random hangout spots. yeah Jonah would do stupid shit, smoke in school, etc, but he never really put their safety on the line like Adam would sometimes. The reason that after everything, Jonah still sticks around is because Adam was his first and closest friend. While there's not a lot of verbal "hey you mean a lot to me man" going around between the two, there's a lot of driving each other home after a bad night, buying food for each other, making sure homework is done at the very least--however correct or incorrect it is. like i said, actions speaking louder than words.

Evelin is really sensitive. She's a strong kid, don't get me wrong, but she's easy to worry and such. She was very hesitant to break up with Adam, she put up with a lot and constantly told herself that it would get better. When things only got worse and Adam's behavior just became more and more odd, she knew what she had to do and it really broke her heart. Again, this is someone she's known and cared about for a long time so it's hard to let go. After the breakup, I believe she still cares quite a lot, but with everything going on it's just so difficult to confront again.

That being said, she's probably one of the smartest of the bunch. I tell ya, she definitely helped the BPS when getting their equipment, I'm fully convinced she would take money out of her own paycheck to get them stuff to use from MandelaTech. She also did this to help Dave feel better on bad business days. He might be out at the time, she'll put some money in and pocket some stuff, and when he comes back she tells him that a few people actually came in. She cares a lot. Also i think she's a math whizz. I don't know why. I just think she's good with numbers.

Sarah, oh boy Sarah. Sarah met the trio in high school, she knew of them but didn't really know them until Adam joined the BPS and introduced them to her. She actually rather likes Jonah and thinks he's really smart for backing out of some missions that look extremely sus. She admires his judgment and is like "yes. good. self-preservation. someone around here has it." She would interact with Evelin everyone once in a while and it was all good things. She was really grateful for the stuff she would bring from MandelaTech and she would ask about Dave every once in a while (i believe in Dave being Mark and Sarah's Uncle, but I also believe in Sarah being very distant with him because of his association with Thatcher. She does still love and care about him which is why she would ask Evelin how he's doing). Sarah and Adam is a really sad friendship i think. I think when they first met because of him signing up for the BPS they got on really really well. Her being genuinely interested in the paranormal Adam being a bit of a skeptic but having a fascination with Alternates. It made for good friendly debates and just some fun times. The fascination with Alternates did throw Sarah off a bit (i mean. yeah obviously. the trauma), but there was something about the fearlessness that Adam would talk about them with really inspired her. She had always grown up terrified and angry, but hearing someone talk about them without fear made her feel strong. Of course that all kind of came crashing down when he brought her to an actual literal Alternate crime scene which she definitely wasn't ready for. There was definitely a prominent rift in their friendship after that. She still cared but hangouts would become less and less frequent once more, and she then joined the "He's Being Very Weird And We Feel Victimized" weekly sunday brunch club with Jonah and Evelin.

When it comes to the four of them as a unit, Jonah is their heart. I can't explain why I feel this, I just feel like he was the beam of positivity they all had to look to. Deep down, he's utterly and completely terrified. He's mortified of losing his friends both just by them leaving him and by them dying. He constantly feels the need to schedule hangouts, go out and do things, and just remind everyone "hey! we're alive! isn't that awesome!" He's also definitely the one that'll take one of them off to the side to say "hey...are you alright?" Especially with Sarah. Even though he smokes, he notices that she does it a lot (i believe Sarah would probably struggle with a smoking/drinking problem due to the amount of stress she deals with), and he always checks up on her to make sure she isn't going through cigs like wildfire. He's not the "responsible" friend, but he is the most caring. Sarah is the micromanager. She feels the constant need to know where everyone is and what they're doing (not in a stalky way but in a "i need to know where you are so that if you don't come home i know where to look and report" kinda way). She loves them but she's terrified of becoming too close, she can't really lose someone like that again. Evelin is like Jonah but more downplayed. She's quieter about her care, she definitely likes when they all hang out as a group, even if she doesn't know Sarah that well. Adam, however caught up in his emo bullshit he is, takes immense comfort from the group being together. He can't exactly articulate what they mean to him, but deep down he's surprised and awed by the fact that there are people around him who genuinely care for his wellbeing. Of course, as the Alternate influence gets worse on him, this perspective is distorted, but I imagine once he regains consciousness after Catalyst, he's going to be a mess realizing how much he's hurt his friends.

Oh and finally orientations. I believe Adam is bi and somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum. Evelin is bi. Jonah and Sarah are the biggest gay/lesbian solidarity duo ever. I rest my case!

SO YEAH THAT WAS A LOT. I CARE THEM. A LOT. i apologize i think i got carried away asdghjasdhjk i really like talking about them asdghjk

HOOAOGUHGU I LOVE THESE

Evelin Jonah Adam friendship from a young age,,,oh I love that

Dave as the siblings' uncle aw I love that too

the three of them doing group therapy over adam's weirdness. god they've got some interesting coping mechanisms but I supposrt it

Sarah being a little bit protective because Trauma,,,so real. so true

SMART EVELIN. YES. ALWAYS

Jonah's the heart. again, always. he's just. yeah

Adam is just There but he's also like. the most ambitious I bet and yeah yeah yeah

Sarah and Jonah lesbian/gay solidarity YES. CORRECT. 100% CORRECT ALWAYS.

a-spec adam is so real.to me [<- relates to adam alot and is also a spec]

YEAH YOUR HEADCANONS ARE LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF MINE LMAO,,,imagine our slightly-different versions meeting that'd be so funny omg [kicking legs like a schoolgirl]

#tmc headcanons

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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HI YOU!! for the ask game ooh. well actually i would love in general to hear your thoughts on peter i don’t know if i’ve seen you speak about him b4 xx and i guess for the sake of the game my unpopular opinion in regards to him is that. i sort of do sympathize with him as a boy at least more than general fandom seems 2…feel like the tendency to erase him from the narrative altogether sort of. undermines the significance of his eventual betrayal + also the way he is treated by fandom compared to other equally terrible characters like barty or tom riddle or evan whatshisname…a little suspicious 2 me!! anyway i am front row in the lecture theatre ready to hear your takes hand em over xx

ridi!! welcome 2 my lecture hall i am clearing my throat + taking a sip of water + tapping my little microphone <3

ok for the sake of summarizing: unpopular opinion that peter is underrated

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

so like....i agree with this but idk if it is in the way i sometimes see people agreeing with it. like i have seen people who go "omg peter was actually a great fantastic guy!!! he was amazing i love him!!" in an effort to combat him sort of getting left to the side and. well. i do not think peter was a great guy lol. and of course u can do whatever u want with him in an au but i personally do not usually take an interest in characters unless there is at least a few threads or connections to their canon characterization, bc that's what gets me interested in the first place, y'know?

i actually have talked about peter somewhere on this blog before so maybe i will go and hunt down that post bc i kinda put like. a bunch of my takes in there. (found it here u go!) but basically in the context of a canon universe i think peter's betrayal is incredibly interesting and can be read in a variety of different ways all of which can be fun to explore. i've written two canon-compliant fics where in each of them i took a slightly different route for what i did with his character, but both times peter was one of the characters whose motivations and interiority felt the most complicated to me and i had to spend a long time like....sending voice notes to my sister to work through how i wanted to portray him.

however that being said as with characters like regulus or barty or bellatrix or whoever i am not a fan of people trying to rehabilitate peter's character by erasing his canon flaws. he was a villain in canon for a reason and i think his betrayal + the flaws that go along with it are crucial to his character, so i just find it boring when someone tries to pull a 180 and make him this super-duper nice guy who's never done anything wrong.

i also don't blame people writing aus or whatnot who just....don't really care much about peter and don't want to spend a bunch of time writing him. i think that's valid! the same way that i don't really blame anyone who just isn't interested in certain side characters and doesn't really care about taking the time to write them. HOWEVER. i do agree that there is an interesting bit of discontinuity in the way people sidestepped peter as a villain + death eater + instead became obsessed with characters like barty + evan, and i do think part of that....may come from the fact that peter is portrayed in canon as unattractive (which...jkr's fatphobia is a conversation for another post lol) and the ways i have seen many people engaging with other death eater characters involves making them ummmm. very conventionally attractive. which! idk. i hesitate to generalize abt this issue bc i don't necessarily think it's like a driving force so much as one slightly suspicious variable in a whole host of variables for why anyone might be interested in barty crouch jr. but not in peter--like some people obviously are not gonna care about alice + frank as much as james + lily + will be happier to redeem the longbottoms' villain than the potters', etc etc. overall i think that is just a whole can of worms that i need 2 think abt more before opening lol

#ask

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blackbird-brewster · 2 years

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8, 15, 25, 36!

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Bex, you and I both know why you asked me THIS question but SURPRISE, I'm NOT giving you anything from 'Between You & Me'. Instead here something from 'Blue Heaven Midnight Crush' (takes place in S2)

Derek couldn't entirely argue with her reasoning, yet he registered the melancholy expression that had crossed her face while she had been lost in thought. Emily had turned back to people watch and Derek could suddenly see just how uncomfortable she looked in the situation. He wasn't sure if he had somehow missed her body language on previous outings, or if he was only seeing it for the first time because she was allowing him to.

"I get your hesitations but I think you should give online dating a shot," Derek said to break the silence that had settled between them. "Why not? If you talk to a woman online and you don't want to meet up in person, so what? What do you have to lose?"

"My already precariously low amount of self-worth," Emily quipped. "Look, Morgan, I appreciate your attempts here, but I really don't need a girlfriend. I finally feel like I'm hitting my stride on the team and I don't need to start dating right now. I'm honestly fine on my own."

15. What’s your favourite time to write?

I'm actually a full-time writer, as in I usually can get a good 8-ish hours of writing in a day! I get writing done at two specific times of day. 9am-4pm M-F and 10pm-4am << these are the hours my partner is either at work or asleep. I rarely write when they're awake bc we spend our evenings together, so I write a lot during the week days or I burn the midnight oil.

25. What’s your favourite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

When I post my words into the void and walk away! No, but seriously, up until I came back in July, I NEVER made outlines and I NEVER edited stuff (sorry readers!) I wouldn't even read my fics. I would pour the words out, post them and never look back. (I have since gone back to all my pre-2022 fics and read/edited them, some of them I had literally NEVER read before!)

Now? I think I really enjoy the actual writing process. I'm actually making outlines or at least a collection of thoughts that I build from, but putting my headphones on with a huge mug of coffee and pouring my soul into a fic for hours at a time feels sacred to me.

36. What fic are you proudest of?

This answer will be a bit long-winded but who cares? I want to discuss not only the fics I am most proud of but WHY I am proud of them. Three fics will always live in my heart as works I am proudest of! When I started writing Jemily in 2014/ish, I was struggling a lot with my mental health so I wrote a lot of fics that dealt with those struggles.

HEAD FULL OF DOUBT: This is a Jemily high school AU, where Emily goes to public school for her senior year and subsequently meets JJ, who is struggling with early onset schizophrenia. It is a story of friendship, patience, hope and understanding following their senior year together. This fic was SO incredibly important to me because the entire thing was basically a love letter to my younger self and to each and every person I have lost to depression and other mental illnesses. After writing this fic, I decided I had nothing else to write because I truly felt like NOTHING else I wrote would EVER be as important to me. So this was why I retired from writing.

2. THE FIVE HORSEMEN OF THE SILENT CHASM: (BE ADVISED OF THE TAGS ON THIS FIC BEFORE YOU READ IT!!!!) This was one of my earliest Criminal Minds fics. Again, it is about mental health, specifically depression and PTSD. This is NOT a happy story nor does it have a happy ending. While Head Full of Doubt manages to approach mental illness through a caring. understanding lens, this is the EXACT opposite. [A Journey Through the Silent Chasm] is now a three part series, detailing what tragic aftermath is left in the wake of suicide. The second part was written by @otahkoapisiakii. Both of us are survivors in terms of our own mental illnesses AND survivors of others who we've lost to suicide. So this will ALWAYS be an incredibly personal story to both of us and I will always be so humbled and grateful to have such a wonderful friend who understands this topic.

3. FOOLED AROUND (AND FELL IN LOVE): Like I said, after HEAD FULL OF DOUBT (which at the time was my longest solo-written fic at a small 24k WC), I retired from writing. I just closed my laptop and walked away. FOR SEVEN YEARS, I never even considered I would EVER return to a) Criminal Minds fandom and b) writing fic for it. But in July a series of events led me to read all my old fanfics and I happened to come across an unfinished WIP that was my take on 'Imagine Me & You' but make it Jemily. I had mapped it out to be about FIVE chapters total, basically a scene-for-scene remake of the film.

But out of that original idea, FOOLED AROUND (AND FELL IN LOVE) was born!! In the span of about a month, I wrote not one but TWO parts of this sapphic rom-com and GOD do I love this AU!! I think about it every day and I am infinitely proud of all 180,000 words of it!!! It' so much fun and it's so soft compared to me older fics, which is a direct comparison to how GOOD I'm doing in life now vs then.

[SEND AUTHOR ASKS]

#bex 🏉#reply post #about me 2k22 #my writing #suicide mention #criminal minds #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #jemily #otp: pain cupcakes

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itsstrawberrymochi · 3 years

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can I have headcanons of giyu, rengoku and sanemi meeting a very powerful male demon upper moon demon who suddenly gets turned into a human and begins to follow them around demanding they fix him. and they end up falling in love.

Kny characters x transformed from a demon to a human reader!

Helllo I really appreciate the request ( sorry for the tardiness) I do hope you like them ^^

Please note there are NO SPOILERS in this and the whole demon suddenly turning back into human is not canon, so basically these headcanons are spoiler-free and not canon to the manga

Since all of these characters here literally hate demons because of all the damage they cause here are some important notes to make it more realistic that they feel for you

Let’s just say the reason you want to turn back is because you used your blood art to help the innocent from other demons and as well as bad people and you want to continue doing it

You only killed and ate criminals

Sanemi

He was very excited to meet you and by meet you I mean kill you

He was satisfied to know he’ll not be only killing a demon but an upper moon,the strongest type of demon

He also heard you were one of the most powerful upper moons so if he was able to slay you it’ll make his already big ego even bigger

All his plans went down the drain when you suddenly turned human

It happened during his battle with you, and even though you clearly looked and were human boy he still tried to kill you, luckily for you it had other hunters around who stopped him and convinced him to take you back to the headquarters before they did anything irrational

Oyakata-sama had allowed you to live and stay at the headquarters until they found out how this happened and Sanemi was not having it

Despite you being human now he still saw you as a human-eating demon and if he didn’t respect Oyakata-sama so much he would’ve killed you already

And the worst part about the whole thing for him was the way you followed him around demanding him to fix you

Sanemi did not hesitate to fight you when you did it

Shinobu had to always tell him to be gentle with you because you can’t heal as fast anymore, she also told him to be kinder to you and explained to him you use to be a good demon who actually helped people

After hearing about all the good you did and people you saved he decided to see you in a new light

He really liked the fact that you only killed criminals since he hates them too

Even though he knew the truth that you were good he still acted mean towards you because this is Sanemi we’re talking about

Your relationship would grow slowly and it’ll take him some time to warm up to you

He started to like how you followed him, it made him feel less lonely

And how no matter much he yelled at you, you stayed

He also liked how you weren’t scared of him like most people are but why would you be? yes he was a scary person but you’ve faced Muzan more than once so you were unfazed at this point

Day by day the more you were around him the more he feel for you and you feel for him

Sanemi became extremely protective over you and he didn’t even realize it

People would often feel uneasy around you because well... you use to be a demon and would gossip whenever you passed

Sanemi would shout at them and threaten to beat them up, most times he would actually do it

Since you follow him around a lot he asked you to train with him and he loves training with you because you’re ridiculously strong and he loves the challenge

Sanemi even taught you his breathing style since you didn’t have a demon blood art to protect you anymore

Since you turned into a human you would often go under countless experiments Sanemi hates that how they would pry and poke at you but he knew it was necessary so he’d always be near you during these times

The day he was sure he loved you he was scared to tell you, he thought during your times as a demon you probably forgot how to love but he asked anyways and when you said yes to being his boyfriend he was over the moon and promised to protect you from both humans and demons

Giyuu

He didn’t really care that you were a powerful upper moon he just wanted to kill you and get over with it

When you turned human he was beyond shocked, he was contemplating wherever he should finish you or not, he ended up not doing it because he saw you as a human now and he doesn’t kill humans

He took you back to the headquarters and while they were running tests on your blood they made Giyuu babysit for the time being

He hated that you followed him, but it was an order for him to watch over so he couldn’t do anything about it, when you followed him around he just ignore you

It took him a long to to stop hating you only because you asked to be fixed

Why would you want that? You hurt so many people and you want to do it again? These are the questions that would race in his mind whenever you asked

He shouted them at you one when you asked him again, he was tired of you and wanted to know

But when he found out the real reason why you wanted to turn back felt so bad

After that day he slowly began to open up to you and actually talked to you, like Sanemi he enjoyed your company and liked having someone to talk to

His feelings for you develop rather quickly seeing how much time you spent together

He also feel for you because you were the only person who talked to him nicely, other people usually talked to him to make fun of him or about slayer business so it was nice to have a friend

When he finds out he really loves you he’ll never tell you because he’s too shy and afraid you won’t feel the same way so you’ll have to make the first move

When you tell him you love him he’ll immediately say it back in a shy cute whisper 🥺

It was beautiful relationship because when you were a demon you never had a boyfriend and Giyuu being shy never had a one either so whenever you did things together as a couple, like a kiss or a date it was the first time for both of you

When you became his boyfriend he’d mostly go on dates in the night like late night walks, star gazing etc... he does it because you were a demon for so long you so he assumed you were perhaps more comfortable with doing things at night

He doesn’t want you to become a hunter because if a demon reconized you it’ll probably kill you or report you back to Muzan

Please continue following him even though your his boyfriend, he’ll get sad if you don’t

He give you his clothes because your old ones didn’t fit you anymore, he had such a cute blush as he handed you them

Rengoku

Like Sanemi he was pleased to know he’ll be killing a powerful demon but not for prideful reasons of course

He was glad to kill you because you’re a upper moon and once your dead you are you can’t hurt anyone else

But then there was no need for that because you turned human

When it had happen during your battle, he was the one who had to protect you from other hunters because they were trying to still kill you even though you were human

Yes he protected you but that didn’t exactly mean he liked you, his feelings for you in the beginning was pure hate, he saw you as a human and all but he didn’t forgive you for the sins you committed as a demon

He didn’t mind when you followed him, he wanted you to follow him actually because if by any chance you turned back into a demon he could quickly kill you

When you’re not following him he would follow you and he didn’t try to hide it

Since Rengoku isn’t a person who’s not scared to hide his emotions or talk to people he asked you why you wanted to turn back

After you told him why it took him some time to forgive you , yes he understood you only killed bad people but it was still killing humans

But over time he’ll forgive you and start treating you kindly

He even fixed you but not in the way you thought he would , he fixed you emotionally

He knew it probably took a toll on your emotions with all the killing and being a demon so he was there for you and talked things through with you and helped you become human again in terms of emotionally

During this time of him helping you with your transition into the human world again you two feel in love and started dating

When you two started dating he took you to things you couldn’t go as a demon

Contrary to Giyuu he took you on dates mostly in the day time because he assumed you probably missed those things when you were a demon

He’s fine with you going on missions with him and when you two go you’re a power coupe, since you use to be a demon you know all the weak spots and easy spots to slat so you’ll tell your boyfriend and he’ll slay the faster than he usually does

#rengoku x male reader #sanemi x male reader #kny x male reader

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teawithkpop · 3 years

Text

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 7

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6 - pt 7

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 5.4k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, a lot of emotional turmoil, talk of pregnancy scares (birth control, contraceptives, etc.), implied discrimination towards sex workers (not by any of the boys dw), mentions of sexual acts

slowly hands you a cake that says "I haven't updated this fic in 14 months and I don't know when the next part is coming but here's an update thanks for being patient" in comic sans

-------

The rush to the hospital goes by in a blur of tears and shouting and panic and questions that you can't bring yourself to answer. The only constant is Min Yoongi's hand, firmly locked in your own throughout the ordeal, tethering you to reality.

You now sit in a private room on a sterile medical table and wait to be seen, too numb inside to feel the sting of the cold metal as it cuts into the backs of your thighs. Yoongi stands beside you, still holding your hand, his fingers are laced through yours and squeezing as if it could sap away the fear that eats away your insides, leaving you hollow and empty.

"It'll be alright. Don't worry about a damn thing, okay?" He shifts his weight anxiously, betraying his own underlying worries.

You barely remember him throwing his jacket over you before being rushed out of the house, and you don't feel deserving of the modest coverage. Though the leather is worn and soft against your skin, all you can feel is the harsh metallic zipper, scratching at your chest as though reminding you of your wrongdoings.

"Yoongi…" you start to say, but he cuts you off, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"Don't you fucking dare. Don't apologize."

You feel tears well up in your eyes. Your chest grows tight with the words he's forbidden you to say.

"I've already called Namjoon, it'll all be fine. Don't worry." He works his jaw and rubs your hand with surprising tenderness, glancing to the little window in the door every other second.

He's been assuring you with those same words for the past half hour, but it feels like it's been an eternity. As you glance at the clock on the wall, watching the hands tick by, you imagine a scene like that of a health documentary. Tiny sperm, swimming up your insides… fertilizing your previously dormant eggs.

Fuck. You've fucked up.

You might be pregnant with Min Yoongi's child. Your Opticon birth control implant could send you into toxic shock at any moment.

You don't see how things can get much worse than this.

The door finally opens, and what appears to be a nurse steps inside. She holds a clipboard, and examines it while she lets the door close behind her. "Let's see now, Miss..." Her shoulders slump marginally as her eyes reach your name. "Oh, right. The PhysCom."

You don't have the energy to ignore the change in her tone from friendly to disinterested, and simply nod. However, you feel Yoongi stiffen beside you.

The nurse lets out a brief sigh and dons a professional expression. "So, what appears to be the problem?" She directs the question to Yoongi.

"We think her birth control implant isn't working." Yoongi explains, his eyes darting furtively between you and the nurse. "She, um… she reached orgasm."

You flush at the memory, ashamed of your failure to adhere to even the most basic of rules set before you.

The nurse makes a noncommittal noise and jots something down. "Says here it’s an Opticon. And you didn't turn it off, sir?"

He shakes his head.

The nurse touches the end of her pen to her mouth, a note of sympathy forming in her eyes. Not for you, but for Yoongi. "How long have you had her?"

"Excuse me?" Yoongi raises an eyebrow.

The nurse tucks the clipboard under her arm, giving him a weary, patient smile. “With PhysComs, we have a list of probable scenarios we’re supposed to check for, to better inform the doctor of the situation, and speed along the treatment process.”

She barely spares you a glance before returning her attention to Yoongi, her voice lowered just a fraction. “It’s not uncommon for newly hired female PhysComs to try and… well, intentionally get pregnant from their clients. Especially if those clients have any amount of wealth or status.”

Yoongi seems lost for words.

She nods as if to agree with his surprise. “It’s some psychosis associated with the job,” she says with a shrug, then straightens her posture once more. “So has she been acting strangely at all? What are her symptoms?”

Your ears burn a bit at being talked about like you’re not in the room, but this isn’t the first time you’ve been in such a position. Oftentimes checkups during training were the same way, the physicians would speak exclusively among themselves and Madame while they examined every inch of you, inside and out.

Yoongi, however, is not used to such an experience.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” He says, in a voice much calmer than you would have expected. But one glance at his face tells you all you need to know. His eyes are burning like hot coals. Molten and dangerous.

The nurse doesn’t pick up on his irritation, and busily flips through the pages on her clipboard. “I need reliable information, sir. If you please,” she prompts him.

You can feel Yoongi’s hand clench around yours, and you turn to quiet him.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, hoping to reassure him enough so he’ll talk to her, but he stands his ground, his eyes glued on the nurse.

“Get out,” Yoongi says.

The nurse does a double take. “Excuse me, sir?”

“I said get the fuck out of here.” He points to the door. “Send us someone who will actually help.”

She fumes silently for a moment, but decides not to argue with him, and heads for the door in a huff.

Yoongi scoffs as you two are left alone once more. “What the fuck kind of bedside manner was that supposed to be?” He mutters, staring at the door.

“It’s okay.” You place a hand on his arm.

“No, it’s not.” He’s adamant, and you sigh wearily. How do you explain that this is only what can be expected?

You pick out a few haphazard words from the maelstrom in your brain, too tired to find the best phrasing. “Medical personnel… they don’t really get it.”

“Get what?” He asks, turning to you in outrage. “Being a fucking decent human being?”

You flinch, withdrawing your hand. You’re too tired to try and get your point across. But he notices you wilt and immediately comes closer, lowering his voice and placing both his hands on your arms. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, the edge of anger fading away to gentleness. Kindness. “What do you mean?”

You sigh, looking off to the side. You don’t deserve to have him look at you like that.

You carefully remove his hands, trying to maintain some semblance of a professional distance, even in the face of disaster. “Most hospitals don’t look favorably at PhysComs. We were given a few lectures about it in training. We use up their resources and time that could instead be given to patients who didn’t willingly put themselves at risk.”

You remember how your fellow trainees had reacted after those discussions. Many of them found the treatment to be unfair, but you yourself felt that, in a way, the medical field’s viewpoint was reasonable. Your choices are what landed you here.

“What the- what are you talking about?” He huffs, still seemingly in the dark. “You didn’t ask for this… this scare. It wasn’t your fault.” He tries to meet your eyes, but your gaze is fixed firmly to the linoleum floor.

A mirthless smile paints your lips. “But I chose this life. And these risks along with it.”

Before he can question you further, the door bursts open and Kim Namjoon enters the room, both his dress shirt and his hair are rumpled, and his eyes are frantic. “Sweetheart?” He rushes to your side and crushes you in a hug. “Are you alright?”

You hear Yoongi let out a breath of relief. “She’s okay, for the moment.”

Something about the way Namjoon holds you feels like a lamp being held against your cold skin. You’re too damp inside to light a flame yourself, but his own body warms you from the outside in the meantime. You want to let yourself enjoy it, but the memory of your unresolved questions leaves you limp in his arms, filled with nothing but misery and confusion.

He pulls back after a moment, checking you over for signs of injury. His eyes are wide with concern. “What happened? Tell me everything.”

A flare of shame rises up in you at the notion of telling Namjoon about your rule-breaking and everything that occured since this morning.

Thankfully, Yoongi seems to sense your hesitance, and he fills in most of the pieces for Namjoon. Namjoon’s expression remains stoic as Yoongi recounts what happened - you being brought home unconcious, seducing Yoongi - up until the mention of your orgasm. Namjoon’s jaw slackens slightly at this, and his eyes scan your face, searching for something.

It’s at this moment that the doctor walks in, a different nurse at his side. He’s a slightly older man, a few wrinkles creasing his brow, and a smile that appears kind until it lands on you. His face is then tinged with that same indifference that most medical professionals give you.

You wish it was your usual physician, but since this was an emergency, you didn’t have time to take the trip to your usual practice. Whatever hospital is nearest, that’s what Yoongi had told the driver.

The man turns to Namjoon, who arguably commands more presence than Yoongi, and the kindness returns. “Sorry for the delay. Busy night. From what I understand, your PhysCom has malfunctioned, is that correct?”

“Her Opticon malfunctioned, yes.” Namjoon corrects him. His diplomatic tendencies are a blessing right now. You just want to know if you’re pregnant or not. You want to know if you’re losing your job. You want to go home.

The doctor runs a few physical tests on you, feeling your breasts, peering down your throat, and examining your vaginal canal, checking for any other symptoms of malfunction from your Opticon. “All’s well so far.” He says, pulling his forefingers out of you, snapping off his gloves, and disposing of them. “May I take a look at the ComGear?”

You feel a flash of panic, waking you out of your stupor. Fuck, was it still in the group chat? You pull out the slim device, heart hammering as you check. Nope. Just settings. Thank god.

You hand it over, and then remember with a looming feeling of dread exactly why it might have been left on the settings page...

“You do so much for us, jagiya.” Taehyung keeps his hands braced on your arms, his thumb rubbing gently against your skin. “You’re always there for us. Always giving… Now it’s time for you to receive.”

“I’m sorry! It’s my fault-” Jimin’s eyes fall to your compromising position, Yoongi’s dick still out, your leaking core exposed, and claps a hand over his mouth. He looks like he might cry. “Oh no...”

The pieces fall into place, and there’s no doubt in your mind. They must have switched it off.

But why? Why, why, why…?

The doctor - you’re too frazzled to read his nametag - pulls out a pair of reading glasses and takes a look at your ComGear, poking around the device with his pointer finger. “Hm. Strange.” He squints. “The Opticon does appear to be switched off.”

Namjoon blinks. “That’s impossible.”

“I’m afraid that’s the case.” The doctor shows him the setting, the toggle very much in the off position. Namjoon takes the device and looks at it in shock.

The doctor coughs. “I know that, um… for some individuals, the temptation and the… risk associated with no protection during intercourse can be sexually arousing. It’s not the first time we’ve gotten a case like this.”

He removes his glasses, folding them back into his pocket. “However, I would remind you and anyone else who uses this one’s services that although Physical Companions may be virtually expendable, it can become quite expensive for your own sake to impregnate them on a whim, using and discarding them, what with the standard fees for breaching their contract and-”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Namjoon interrupts him, and you notice the iron grip he now has on Yoongi’s arm. Likely the only thing restraining him from throwing a punch. “We’ll be more careful.” Namjoon glances at you, confusion making a little crease between his brows. “Is there some sort of morning after pill she can take, or…?”

“I’m afraid the lingering effects of the Opticon implant render any outside hormone blockers ineffective.” The doctor says, his smile turning thin. “It’s a bit of a blessing and a curse. The hormone production and ovulation suppressant in the Opticon normally make the chance of fertilization zero percent while in use. After it’s switched off, chances are still fairly low at 30 percent, for up to 24 hours. But the chances of fertilization after taking a morning after pill are significantly lower than that, at only five percent.”

He shrugs. “We’ll just have to wait and see. Chances are, your PhysCom will be right as rain and ready to pleasure clients again in about a week.”

A week.

First a week of suspension on Namjoon’s terms… Now it’s on medical advisement.

“A week? What should we do until then?” Namjoon voices your very thoughts, Yoongi seething silently beside him.

“Well, we won’t have any results until three to five days from now.” The man clarifies. “But I highly recommend you leave the implant switched off and keep her on traditional contraceptives until we know for sure. I strongly recommend utilizing other PhysComs in the meantime, just to be safe.”

You’re finished.

The doctor hands Namjoon a paper bag, most likely containing birth control pills and condoms. “She may be somewhat volatile for the next few days. You can bring her in for another checkup in a week.”

You’re weak.

“Thank you.”

You’re numb.

-------

It was a silent car ride back to the house, and as Namjoon helps you step out of the vehicle, one hand holding yours for stability while the other rests on your lower back, you can’t help feeling utterly useless. Detached from your surroundings.

What’s the point of any of this now? There’s no way they’ll want to use you until this is resolved. You’re of no use to them as a sex toy until at least a week from now, and by then it’ll be far too late to earn their favor back.

“We need to have a meeting. Call the others into the living room.” Namjoon speaks to Yoongi in an undertone, and you feel a small ache of hope. Maybe things will work out if everyone just talks to each other.

But when you enter the house and Namjoon begins to steer you upstairs, you finally find your voice.

“No.” You resist against him, turning around at the base of the stairs. “No, I want to be part of the meeting.”

The surprise quickly fades from his face, instead turning to concern. “You need to rest."

Something about the look on his face, about being told yet again through his actions that this doesn’t concern you, it causes something inside you to snap, your apathy vanishing in the wake of this new beast beginning to rear its ugly head within you.

Your throat closes up and a scream erupts from your aching chest. "You don't know what I need!"

Namjoon matches your desperation with an infuriatingly patient look of sympathy. He approaches you, his hand outstretched, but you stagger back away from him. He smiles sadly and drops his hand. "Stay here. It's what's best for you."

What's best for you.

The words throb in your mind, like the memory of an old wound. They bounce listlessly off the walls of your grandiose prison long after Namjoon shuts the door, sealing you away again.

You don't know what comes over you as you see visions of launching yourself at the door, pounding and scratching at the wood like a wild animal.

You could just open the door and follow him downstairs. Some part of you does register that.

But you want them to hear you. You want them to hear you rip your throat raw as you exorcise your demons.

You blink and you're standing still.

You haven't moved.

Your spacious room feels stifling. Like the walls are closing in on you, suffocating you.

Silken ropes sway in the dusk, catching your eye from beyond the balcony window. Your escape route from earlier that day.

You don't think twice before stuffing a few meager belongings into the long forgotten backpack kicked beneath your bed.

You need to leave this place.

You can't stay here.

-------

It had started drizzling not long after you left the house, and even now as you sit on the damp curbside, waiting for the next bus to take you far away from this place, it strikes you as funny, in a way, that the weather is crying for you, since you can't muster any tears of your own.

It's cold and misty, a foreboding atmosphere, by all accounts. It makes you question if what you're about to do is the right call.

But you shut down the arguments in your head as quickly as they appear.

Second guessing was what had gotten you into this situation. You need to follow your instincts.

And your instincts are telling you to flee.

It won't be so bad, you try to convince yourself. After the first night on the road, you'll eventually find a new town, a new home, a new place for yourself in this fucked up world. You've done it before, you can do it again.

You're considering suitable aliases for your new persona, when you sense another person approaching, their shoes tramping through the wet grass.

You don't look up at them, hoping they'll pass by and leave you alone. But they come to a stop beside you.

You keep your gaze on the road, droplets rippling the puddled potholes.

Then the stranger goes to sit on the curb too, and you can't help but look at them.

You'd recognize those lips anywhere, even beneath a baggy hooded sweatshirt.

"It's a bit late to run errands, don't you think?" Seokjin says, pulling his sleeves down to keep out the chill as he perches beside you.

He glances at you, then looks ahead at the road, the same way you were. You return your gaze forward, too exhausted to make a run for it. Though you don't get the sense that he would chase after you, even if you tried to escape.

Maybe that's exactly why you decide to stay put, but you don't give the suspicion any more thought.

"What do you want?" You finally ask, your voice croaky from being silent for so long.

"Nothing."

"Liar," you mutter, hugging your knees to your chest. "Everyone wants something."

He chuckles. Rests back on his hands. "I guess you're right about that."

Damn right you are. You didn't study the human condition through your years of training to be fooled so easily by pretty words.

"So?" You prompt him, still staring at the dreary horizon.

He takes a moment to respond. The silence is punctuated by the distant noises of traffic, an occasional car passing by, its headlights shimmering in the mist before disappearing down the road.

“The others are all out looking for you, you know,” he says simply. “Why do you think that is?”

If it were anyone else that had run away - their manager, a friend - you know what the answer would be. Because they care about that person. But how can you believe that about yourself, when you know you can never amount to anyone with that level of importance to them?

Ironic, since you’re the person with which they can be most intimate and vulnerable.

“I’m a liability,” you reply halfheartedly.

His silence serves to confirm your suspicions. A runaway PhysCom? Far too risky for a group at their level. You could become one of those anonymous sources like you saw in the news. A firsthand account of the BTS members’ secret sexual urges. Unacceptable. Snatches of words from the NDA you signed buzz around the edges of your mind like stray flies.

But since you're no longer connected to your network, then your tracker is probably disconnected. If the bus had come just a little earlier, you might already have escaped without a trace.

“You really think that’s the only reason?” Seokjin’s voice pulls you back to the moment.

His abysmal attempt to divert from the problem gets a hollow laugh out of you.

“Any other reason has ulterior motives. It’s just business.” You check the time on your ComGear. The bus should be here any minute. “I’m leaving, and I won’t let you stop me.”

“I don’t intend to,” he agrees, to your surprise. “God knows you’ve been put through enough.” He then leans forward, resting his forearms across his legs. “But for what it’s worth, you deserve to know the truth.”

Your ears perk up at this.

Seokjin seems to take your silence as permission to continue. “The reason we decided to suspend you. It wasn’t… entirely selfless.”

You purse your lips in irritation and fix your gaze upon the horizon, settling your chin beneath your crossed arms. “Right. Ulterior motives, like I said.”

He clicks his tongue. “Touche.”

You wait for him to continue, but he doesn't.

Your curiosity gets the better of you.

“So, what… were you planning to replace me?” You ask, trying to sound contemptuous. “I heard you all having your little group meeting in the kitchen. There are plenty of shiny new whores at your disposal, take your pick.”

He still makes no noise.

You wait, preparing to accept a bitter confirmation of all your fears.

But then he finds his voice. “We could never replace you, dear.”

You stop. Look over at him. His eyes are half lidded, his smile bittersweet as he stares off into the distance. After a few moments, he fishes around in his pocket and pulls something out, then hands it to you.

His smartphone.

“Here,” he murmurs, sympathy in the quirk of his lips. “In case you need to call anyone. Those devices they give you don’t have a cell plan, I assume.”

He seems to sense your wariness, and waves the phone a bit in a gesture of insistence. “I can buy a dozen new ones. It’s no trouble.”

You very hesitantly take it. “Thanks.”

Of course, he has no way to know that your ComGear is now jailbroken, for all intents and purposes. But… is this a trap? What if there’s a tracker in the phone? But why would he need to put a tracker in it if he doesn’t know your ComGear is off the grid?

The rumble of an approaching motor pulls you out of your cyclical thoughts, and you get on your feet, slowly coming out of your dissociative sulk.

But you still feel numb. Nothing matters anymore.

Nothing at all.

Jin gets up along with you, slipping his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Stay safe, alright?”

You give a brief nod of acknowledgment, only half in his direction as you shrug your bag onto your shoulder more securely. The hydraulics of the bus screech as the vehicle comes to a stop and lowers slightly, allowing you to step onboard.

You glance back, fully expecting Jin to stop you. But he doesn’t. He blinks raindrops out of his eyes while you board, and gives you a small smile once the doors close behind you. He lifts a hand in farewell, then turns and starts to walk away down the street.

He’s really letting you go.

You pay your fare and find a seat towards the back of the nearly empty bus. Rain pelts at the windows, picking up in earnest, and it feels like yet another layer, another barrier, separating yourself and creating an ever-growing chasm from the life you knew up until yesterday.

You pull out Jin’s phone, staring at the dark screen and wiping away stray raindrops from the surface with your sleeve. Why had he come to find you, if not to stop you?

“But for what it’s worth, you deserve to know the truth.”

Maybe he felt guilty. Or remorseful for the hell you’ve been put through recently. You would normally have felt immense satisfaction at such a thought.

But you can’t feel much of anything right now.

You don’t think you’ll be able to feel properly again. At least not for a long, long time…

Hm? The screen lit up. You must have pressed a button by accident. You swipe at it again, and to your surprise it unlocks. Who doesn’t put a passcode on their phone?

Is it possible… he disabled it before he gave it to you? Maybe. Whatever. You’re so tired of thinking, playing investigator and second guessing people’s motivations.

You scroll over to the phone icon, and tap on it, briefly considering calling your parents. But the wetness on your fingers messes with the touchscreen and you open the messages app instead.

You’re about to wipe the screen and try again, but… the most recent messages are… all about you. You tap on the group chat among the seven of them, currently bustling with activity.

[ Kim Namjoon ]: has anyone found her [ Park Jimin ]: hyung I’m so sorry [ Park Jimin ]: it’s all my fault [ Min Yoongi ]: she’s not at the studio [ Kim Namjoon ]: we’ll talk about it later Jimin [ Kim Namjoon ]: everyone keep looking [Jeon Jungkook]: manager said they can call her network to track her down [Kim Taehyung ]: should we do that? [ Jung Hoseok ]: no! she could get in trouble :( [ Min Yoongi ]: she’s not a stray pet [ Kim Namjoon ]: exactly [ Kim Namjoon ]: we need to keep this quiet for her sake [Kim Taehyung ]: she hasn’t replied to my texts or calls [ Min Yoongi ]: me neither [Jeon Jungkook]: hyung... will she be okay? [ Kim Namjoon ]: everything will be fine don’t worry [ Kim Namjoon ]: we’re going to fix this somehow [ Min Yoongi ]: whatever it takes [ Jung Hoseok ]: where could she have gone... [ Park Jimin ]: what if she doesn’t come back?

You scroll further up, past days and weeks and months of texts between them… not even a day between mentions of you. Wondering if you’re alright. Hoping you’ve eaten enough. Wanting to do more with you.

The thread of texts Jimin sent to Seokjin just yesterday.

Hyung I wish things were different I want to hold her I want to tell her she’s enough I wish I could kiss her… I think I love her Do you ever feel that way?

And Seokjin’s reply.

I do I know just what you mean Why do you think I turned those secondaries away last night, hm? No one can compare She really is special…

He didn’t… fuck the secondaries? After you broke at dinner, he… didn’t...?

You switch to his thread with Namjoon from a few days ago.

I know you’re our leader but I don’t think this is the way to go You need to be more cautious

Namjoon’s reply.

What we need is action, hyung If we work together on this, we could get rid of these unnecessary rules We could all have what we want Including her It’s what’s best for everyone

Seokjin took several minutes to reply.

You’re going to lose her.

Jin knew. He tried to talk Namjoon out of writing that stupid essay, or maybe it was about your suspension.

Either way, he defended you.

You open his thread with Hoseok. Dimly, you recognize that you shouldn’t be snooping, but you’re too absorbed to stop.

Hyung, I think she really wants this All of us ♡ I don’t know how, but we need to show her that it’s okay That we want it just as much

How do you know that’s what she wants?

I can’t say ♡ But I know now She wouldn’t reject us Our feelings She feels something too

The date and time lines up with this morning. The morning after he made love to you.

He didn’t tell them. He kept your secret.

“Our feelings”? What does he mean? Him, Jimin, Taehyung… Seokjin? Do they all…?

Your head spins, the hollowness of your heart filling with a rush of jumbled emotions, like a tide crashing in. All your numbness is washed out with light, just a pinprick at first, that grows rapidly into a ray of warmth as you consider what all this could mean. The chasm starts to narrow, and you get the urge to jump ship, to turn back and figure this shit out. To know once and for all what they want from you. What you mean to them.

But how can you trust this isn’t a trap? How can you be sure?

The answer is as simple as they come.

You can’t.

You can’t be absolutely certain that their intentions are pure… that this is the right thing to do… that you won’t be hurt again.

But maybe... trust isn’t about being infallible. Being right. Being sure.

Maybe it’s built on what ifs. On trying again, even with no guarantees.

Guarantees are only as good as their word, and talk is cheap. Lies are easy. Your Opticon had a 100% guarantee, and look where that got you.

But you remember the way Hoseok held you that night, and made love to you like you’ve never felt in your life... When Jimin kissed his way down your body, with only the best of intentions. Namjoon’s strong arms embracing you when you felt powerless. Yoongi’s hand never leaving yours, even while you waited in the hospital. Jungkook carrying you home after you fainted, breaking your door to make sure you were safe in bed. The look in Taehyung’s eyes when he finally kissed you, breaking the ice you’d been growing around your heart.

How Seokjin let you go.

Maybe...

You get up with a start, rush to the front of the bus, and hastily ask the driver to let you off, much to the old man’s disgruntlement, but the moment the doors whoosh open, you take off at a run.

You want to go home.

You want to try again.

No matter how much you try to bury it, to forget the way they make you feel, you care about them. All of them. On a much deeper level than that of a PhysCom and client. And it scares you.

But you’re done running from fear. From uncertainty.

Now you’re running towards it willingly, as you give chase down the torrential streets, searching for that familiar hooded figure and hoping you’re not too late. You’re embracing the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty, the paranoia... letting their shadowy claws sink into you until they can’t hurt you anymore. Until they fade away, cowering under the glow of your determination.

You’re setting some new rules for yourself, no longer letting fear control your thoughts and actions, barring you from any chance of happiness.

You see Seokjin in the distance, trudging home through the pouring rain. You run faster.

You’re fucking terrified. But you’ve never felt so free in your life.

“Jin!” You shout to get his attention, still a block away. He turns around, and shakes his head, seemingly confused, but a smile starts to appear. You smile too.

Finally, you catch up to him, and without warning, you throw your arms around his shoulders. Damn, he’s always taller than you remember.

He laughs, shocked by your change of heart. “What are you doing?”

“I want to hear you say it.” You reply, looking up at him as rain dashes down your face. You don’t know when you started crying, but you’re grateful to the weather for masking your tears.

“Say what?” He asks, his hands resting on your waist to support you. Thunder rumbles in the distance, rain sliding down his perfect face.

“How you feel about me.” You reply, studying his eyes. “Be honest.”

He seems to sense the gravity in your words. He holds you closer. His eyes soften.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

For the first time since all of this started, you sense no deception in his words, no double meaning, no hidden agenda.

Because you aren’t searching for reasons to doubt this time.

You’re searching for reasons to trust, and you find them.

You want to kiss him. So you do.

#bts #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x reader smut #bts x reader #bts fanfiction #bts ot7 #bts ot7 smut #bts smut fic #bts fic rec #yoongi x reader #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #thank you all for waiting ;w;

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autisticandroids · 3 years

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Oh patron saint of mpreg, tell us, what is the absolute gold standard canon divergent mpreg scenario with Cas and Dean?

so for me the gold standard is for cas to get pregnant due to some kind of magical or metaphysical situation that dean at least does not perceive as sex. bonus points is cas is hesitant about it but refuses to explain why (because he doesn't know how dean will deal with the concept of himself being able to potentially get cas pregnant), so dean is like "we're doing it anyway" and then they do it and then cas doesn't tell anyone that he is pregnant until circumstances force the information out of him. and then dean has to deal with the fact that 1) cas can get pregnant, 2) cas is pregnant, 3) it's his, and he does so pretty poorly.

the rest is under a cut because this post is over 2.5k words long.

my favorite times for this to happen are at the end of season nine, just before dean dies and gets demonized in do you believe in miracles, and at the start of season twelve, just before sam and dean go to jail, because the pining in both those scenarios is delicious but it is so much more powerful if cas is also pregnant, and never even told dean. double points if the truth somehow comes out while they're separated so when dean comes back it's like. yeah cas is pregnant. it's yours. welcome home dean now you have to coddle cas' emotions because he thought he would have to raise your baby alone.

the season twelve scenario is particularly delicious because 1) we can have lucifer slut shaming cas in front of crowley in rock never dies, so crowley knows before dean, and 2) much more importantly, mary is there, and i am obsessed with like. okay. several things.

- the idea of mary getting all baby fever because she misses her boys and this is like. a baby she can take care of because she never got to take care of sam

- the idea of dean working through some of his parentification trauma by coparenting a child with the parent whose place he felt he had to take

- the idea of mary coming in and projecting her insane 1980s gender roles all over cas, suddenly treating him like a woman, stripping him of agency, etc. and like. dean would also do this even though he's not from the eighties, but mary would do it double strength, and they would reinforce each other, it would be a nightmare

- also mary trying to relate to cas on the Travails Of Motherhood etc. and cas being like ?????????? like i cannot stress enough that the weird gender roles she projects onto cas are also standards that she held herself to back when she was a Wife And Mother. while cas is like mary i am not a human woman and also i don't see what "having to look pretty for my man when i'm all baby bloaty" has to do with anything. that's not something i feel like i have to do

oh and 3) could you imagine lily sunder has some regrets if cas was pregnant? unfathomable episode. like ishim and mirabel's reaction but ALSO lily's. and it would fix the number one issue i have with lily sunder, which is that the resolution of the moral dilemma is "well AKSHUALLY the kid was human and not a nephilim so killing it was bad" rather than "it was bad to kill lily's baby, full stop." like ishim's cover up and using the machinery of power to manipulate the truth is very compelling, but the fact that it results in the moral essentially being "it would have been okay if the kid had been a nephilim" suuuuuucks.

basically, there's a reason i have two entire mpreg aus set in season twelve.

and then the delicious part in the season nine version is like. one, dean is away for much longer and he could be anywhere. also he's a demon and he's cheating on cas with crowley. and then even when cas gets him back he's still cursed with the mark, so we can get all weepy over that. you know. i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world and i'm eight months pregnant. etc etc.

but the other thing that's juicy about this version is that cas is still semi-involved with the other angels at this point, like he's roadtripping around with hannah and they're trying to get heaven under control, so carrying a nephil is going to really affect those relationships. so he's going to be probably disliked by the other angels, and there are MANY opportunities for slut-shaming, but at the same time, the other "outcast" type angels might respect him for violating heaven's dictates.

and then of course there's his grace vampirism victorian wasting disease. in canon he's perfectly happy to let himself die, but if he were having dean's baby he would absolutely not do that, that's dean's baby he's endangering there. so of course there's the terrible guilt of having to kill other angels so he can live, plus potentially preparing to die shortly after childbirth so he doesn't have to keep killing. delicious.

and on top of all this cas can get slutshamed by metatron in, depending on when exactly he gets knocked up, meta fiction, stairway to heaven, and do you believe in miracles. plus stairway to heaven would be insane like all the angels would know that cas is pregnant. they would see it in his grace. like cas' angel army would just. know that he was pregnant with a nephil, and have to accept that because he's their leader. in love with humanity indeed.

i'm trying to think of other good times for this drama with cas getting secretly pregnant through a nonsexual interaction to take place. it would be great in season six. like: he's doing a blasphemy with his body but at the same time he's this big important rebel leader so they can't say shit about him, and also he's pregnant while fighting these big important battles (fun and sexy), AND this is like, hot on the heels of the realization that something about his feelings for dean is untoward, expands beyond the bounds of ordinary friendship and camaraderie. like he realizes that, and maybe even that he has sexual feelings for dean, and then he gets immediately knocked up. stunning.

it would ALSO be extremely fun for it to be some kind of... i don't know, magical longer gestation times, whatever, but for cas to have gotten pregnant sometime in s5 and only realized during the Year Of Lisa. LOVE to watch a man rake leaves while both metaphorically carrying the taint of taboo sexual feelings for him and literally carrying his child.

but the thing about season six is, first of all, cas isn't really... envisioning a future with dean. not the way he does in the later seasons. like does he fantasize about a future with dean? yes. like. he really did watch that motherfucker rake leaves. but it's only fantasy. he expected to never speak to dean again after swan song until dean prayed to him in the third man. he's obsessed with dean, but it's distant. remote.

like, we talk about cas babytrapping dean in the later seasons with jack, and he absolutely does, and he would do it even more if dean got him literally pregnant, but that babytrap is about... how do i put this. it's about winning dean's affection. late seasons cas knows that he's going to die by dean's side. the difference that babytrapping dean makes is that maybe it will get dean to be nice to him in the mean time, instead of discarding him like so much toilet paper.

but season six cas doesn't think of it like that. if he were gonna babytrap dean, it would be in the more traditional sense of forcing dean to stay with him in order to raise their child together. and he would never do that. he wants dean to have a happy future, which in his mind does not include him. like, compare here "he's retired and he's to stay that way" in the man who would be king, where cas assumes that dean is happy without him and expects him to live out his days peacefully without ever seeing him again, to "i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world" in the prisoner, where cas assumes that he will be by dean's side for centuries.

but anyway, the other, much more important problem with season six is that cas has a war to fight. like, in the later seasons, cas really has nothing. even when he's on tenuous good terms with the angels, he doesn't really have a home with them. the winchesters are his family, and he'd give up anything for them. he has nothing in his life. he's at rock bottom, and this becomes truer the further along you go. late seasons cas has nothing he would prioritize over serving the winchesters, and he would be happy dropping anything he was involved in to have and raise dean's baby. parenting would give him a purpose that he no longer has, because everything else has been stripped from him.

but in season six cas has a life outside of them. like yes, he has a war to fight, but he also has a place in heaven, with the other angels. he belongs somewhere, he has solid connections to the outside world. even if he didn't have a war to fight, i don't know how excited he would be to have and raise a baby (even dean's baby) because he simply has other things he could be doing. he's involved in the world beyond the winchesters.

like, the reason cas wants to be a parent is that he is totally alone and totally purposeless. having a child gives him both a reason for being and someone who will always love him and who he can care for. if he doesn't have that hole in his life he might not be so eager to fill it with a baby.

for all these reasons, this plotline really doesn't work in season six, because you simply cannot justify cas not getting an abortion, unless you do something nasty like make angel abortion impossible, which i don't love.

you COULD somehow put the impregnation just at the end of season six, maybe just before the man who would be king, such that cas doesn't realize he's pregnant until he's already godstiel. you guys are unfortunately very aware of how obsessed i am with pregnant godstiel.

actually, @jeanne-de-valois has a concept of like. a single, madness fueled midnight hookup immediately pre-tmwwbk (or maybe even during, but prior to the superman mistake), where cas is simultaneously so stressed from being stretched so thin from the war and the lying and the shady dealings, and so high on being The Big Man In Heaven, that he's bold and out of his mind enough to actually come onto dean, like he just appears one night in dean's bedroom and is like, fuck me, and dean is like 👁👄👁 okay. so they have one single adrenaline and madness fueled hookup, and then everything immediately goes to shit.

and i think that's a great place for cas to get pregnant, and then he doesn't realize until he's become god, or maybe he does and he's just like "i'll deal with it later," either way godstiel is like oh? i carry dean's heir inside me? i will have dean's baby. i will have dean's baby it is my right and also my boon to him and also a symbol of my great and magnanimous love for humanity. and also maybe i will put giant paintings of myself pregnant with his child up in churches. what about that. which would be fun. don't know when he would give birth though. actually it would be insane if he gave birth as emmanuel and was just like. raising dean's nephil when dean found him again. nuts. but it just doesn't really have the same flavor as late seasons mpreg. doesn't compel me nearly as much. like the symbolism of godstiel being pregnant with dean's child is fun and sexy but them actually raising the kid afterwards doesn't compel me nearly as much, so it's better to leave literal mpreg to the later seasons and let godstiel mpreg reside in symbolism and fantasy.

or maybe the fetus gets stolen by the leviathans when cas walks into the lake and dean has to battle his leviathanated nephil daughter as the main villain of s7. like she's dick roman's secret weapon. i think that would be fun, actually. kind of an emma situation but drawn out over the whole season. and he thinks cas is dead for most of it so she's all he's got left of cas and a mess cas left for him to clean up. big sexy.

and as a bonus, i will also tell you the best time, imo, for dean to get pregnant: near the end of season eight. possibly a single, tragic farewell fuck in sacrifice when cas is planning to lock himself away in heaven and they're never gonna see each other again. and this impregnates dean with cas' nephil.

but then cas is human. and he can't do anything about it. like generally if they managed to get dean pregnant somehow, cas would immediately talk him into an abortion (which wouldn't be too hard; dean's natural white midwestern man who doesn't vote aversion to abortion would be at war with the horror of being pregnant, and the horror would win), or might not even inform dean that he's pregnant, and just quietly end the pregnancy without dean's knowledge, because cas would never put dean through that. but if cas is human, he can't do that. and furthermore, that nephil is the last evidence of his angelic nature that persists. it's the last of what he used to be, the last of his grace. and there's something absolutely delectable about that.

then of course dean would have to leave the bunker if he was pregnant with a nephil, because angels would be after him, and he wouldn't want to lead them to gadreel, so i am imagining dean discovering that he's pregnant and then showing up in a panic at the gas n sip like "actually cas i'm also out of the bunker will you go on the run with me?" and then they go on the run and have to live in motels again and cas gets to live with take care of dean who is pregnant with his child which is essentially his dream, and he doesn't have to feel guilty because he's no longer capable of giving dean an abortion so he doesn't feel obligated to get him to have one. ideally cas gets re-angeled just in time to give dean an angelic c-section. or maybe they rely on a normal human c-section in a hospital and cas stays human and they are two humans raising their nephil, which is also fun to me.

#spn #asks #anonymous #mpregpocalypse

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fictionalmenmakemecry · 3 years

Text

Damon Salvatore - NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: Sex, Oral, Cursing, Fetishes, Masturbation

Ever want to know the intimate details of Damon Salvatore? Well this passage explores and explains Damon's, weaknesses, turns on and secrets.

Damon Salvatore is a very sexual person, if you're not comfortable with it, I would not continue.

Requested: @proseofpandemonium

I hope you like it !

A= Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Damon would love to see you a mess after sex. He get up from the bed and look at you, knowing you were under his control after what he just did to you. You both would be sweaty and completely out of breath. Total smell of sex in the air.

B= Body Part (Their favourite body part of their partners)

He loves your folds, you could feel him instantly relax when he would ease into you. He also appreciated your ass a lot of the time. He would gently hold your ass as you straddled him and would get you in the mood by slapping and spreading them while making out.

C= Cum (Anything to do with cum basically .. I’m disgusting person)

He was able to dominate you with a flicker of his eyes. One of his favorite things was him watching you swallow his cum as you looked up to him. Your mouth open and a clear view of where it was going to go. You couldn't deny that it got you instantly wet. The look in his eyes would be overpowering.

D= Dirty Play (Pretty Self Explanatory)

Bondage. Damon knew what you liked, he knew the pain you found pleasure in. His little sub would be eager to try new position and new restraints. Seeing you in a vulnerable position, just made him harder.

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Damon knew exactly how to read you. He knew how to read women in general but you even more. He didn't need you to tell him you were close. He already knew. He knew how to edge you so easily, even when you were try to hide how close you were to cumming. He read you like a book and that's what made him so powerful. Your and his body were so connected, no one else would fit so perfectly inside you. He had experience so much throughout his life but was always excited to show you what he thought you would like.

F = Favorite Position

The one thing that he couldn't resist was you bent over with your ass in the air. You would fully expose your pussy as you bend over and he would speed to you without hesitation. It could happen anywhere. Whether you were in the living room, he would have you bend over on the couch with your head down on the pillow with your ass high. You would feel his gaze which made you even wetter.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humourous, etc.)

Damon was pretty serious when it came to fucking. He was definitely passionate about it. Time to time, you would tease him and it would bring out his playful side when he would see you lead him on. When you had the power, he would let you mess with him but no matter what, he couldn't resist the urge to take control at the end and exhaust both of you. He always wanted to finish on his terms.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

He was always well groomed. He loved how freeing it felt to have no hair. Nothing got in the way when he would watch you suck him off. It made everything easier, especially the cleaning up afterwards.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Damon was a wild card when it came to sex. Sex was passionate and heated. But there's moments when he knows you would want to feel loved and cared for. He would make you dinner, and throughout the night get closer to you. He would start kissing your neck so gently. Those pure blue eyes would show how much he needed you. Every caress would show how much his touch lingered on your skin, making shivers travel up your spine.

J = Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

One of Damon's favourite things was when he would watch you get off. He would ask you to take off your underwear and play with yourself. He would tell you that there was nothing more attractive than watching give yourself pleasure. He wouldn't be able to resist for long and and start jacking himself off. You'd both get so riled up from watching each other.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Damon has a kink for wax play. He slowly introduced you to it by getting you use to the feel of the wax on your skin. He would lay you down and watch as he poured wax on your torso, the hot temperature gave a quick sting followed with pleasure as the wax dripped down and cooled. He would get these special massage candles, of course the smell of bourbon (He wouldn't be able to resist the scent), and they would melt turning into massage oil, he would massage your neck, back and legs. He would tease your upper thigh getting closer and closer to your pussy.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Damon was a sucker for shower sex. The hot water travelling down both your bodies and steam in the air would just make the perfect atmosphere for both of you to loosen up. Especially if him and Stefan were gone for a couple of weeks. The first thing he would want when he was home was you and him in the shower. He would strip you and you both get in, your bodies pressing up against each other. You would feel his lips on yours and his hands travel down to your ass.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You being a brat. Any reason you would do to go against him. You loved pressing his buttons, knowing he was going to punish you. You would tease him blatantly. You would wear that dress that was slightly too short for you to go out in public, or jeans that would be that little bit too tight. You would press up against him briefly in public, let your hand linger on his arm a second longer than you should. You would look in his eyes and see a spark behind his them. You knew he was going to have his way with you when you both got home.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Damon didn't want any of your senses blocked. Whether that was sight or sound. He wanted you to be fully aware of what you were doing. He never wanted to blindfold you, he wanted to make sure you were comfortable with what you were seeing. He didn't want to make you so vulnerable that you would get hesitant or nervous.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

You giving Damon head was one of the simpler things that he could never get tired of. But when it came to him eating you out, he never went half way. He wanted to learn you inside out with his tongue and fingers. He was confident about what he was doing. One of his favourite positions was when you were sitting on his face. He loved the control you had, also loved being able to keep an eye on you.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc)

He would have a quickie when his patience would run out, that was usually out in public or friends house and you would be teasing him all day. But he would always make proper sex a real experience, making sure you were both completely satisfied and drained before getting a good night sleep, otherwise he wouldn't be able to sleep.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks?)

Damon is always trying to be risky. That was his thing in general, so anything sexual wouldn't be any different. He was open for everything when it came to adding more pleasure and closeness between you two. He would always want to try new toys and roleplay. He was even open to pegging, but that's a story for another time.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Damon being a vampire has its benefits, one of them being his stamina. It was clearly unhuman but he would have to be realistic when it came to you. He just wanted to keep going for as long you were comfortable with. He knew that after awhile you would get kind of raw. Which meant no sex for awhile and that wouldn't be good. He mainly focus on you. He never would want to hurt you especially when it was avoidable.

T = Toys ( Do they own any toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Damon found one of your toys when trying to find something, he did his typical smirk when he showed you he found it. He asked you why you kept it to yourself. You said you didn't know how he was going to react. He was clearly over the moon to know that you were open to that type of thing. Since then, you both went toy shopping and experimented. Damon being an ass man, he loved trying anal toys with you. He gets hard knowing that you gets so much pleasure from it. You've never looked back from toyless sex since.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Damon would punish you when you were being a brat. One of the ways he would punish you would be through teasing. He wasn't into any light teasing either. He wanted you to be begging for relief. You would be a mess on the bed, tied to the bed posts. You would be spread and soaked in your own sweat and juices from his persistent oral edging and fingering. Once you learned your lesson, he would give you the relief and the most intense orgasm of your life. You never learned that lesson for long mind you. You secretly loved the punishment, seeing him with that kind of power over you was irresistibly sexy.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds do they make)

The room was usually filled with the sounds of Damon whispering in your ear asking if you've been a bad girl while fucking you roughly. You moaning your answers, while the bed banged against the wall. It was hard for you to be both quiet but both of you wouldn't care who would hear by the time you got to the end. Which became a problem at friends house, they would eventually hear you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Damon was infatuated with your neck, he would nick your neck time to time and drink some of your blood while you were fucking. Learning early on, it made you orgasm harder from the rush of the minor blood loss. After he would indulge himself, he would kiss your neck and then cut his wrist, giving you his blood so you would heal from it. He was in control of it and knew you were in no danger. Plus, he enjoyed the taste of you immensely. When you saw his eyes turn dark and red, you knew what was coming, and getting excited for it instantly.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Damon was known for being good at sex, yes skill plays a big part but, the equipment is just as important. He knew how to use his length, he had a lot of it and knew he had to be careful with women that weren't as open to sex as he was. It took awhile for you to get use to his dick but now nothing else will do.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Unrealistically high, let's just leave it at that.

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep)

Knowing that Damon has made you shake with pleasure and cry out his name. He will easily drift off to sleep no problem. You resting your head on his chest, he would stroke your hair as he listened to your heart beat slow down to a rest rate.

#damon #damonxreader #Damon x reader #smut #damon salvatore #the vampire diaries #tvd #fluff #fic #fanfic

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janghoefett · 3 years

Text

Jango Fett Fluff Alphabet

The answers aren’t toooooo long, but it’s just a little somethin’ since we are starving for Jango. No reader gender is specified.

There are mentions of sex and some not-so-wholesome things he does on the job. Overall, it is very tame and fluffy!

I like to consider all my work 18+ so please respect that!

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Jango likes anything that’s on the down low. Very, very domestic activities like staying in, listening to the rain beating down on the windows on Kamino. He also enjoys sharing a good meal. Basically, anything that involves the two of you getting alone time. He also likes to get physical.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Jango loves your smile. It sounds cheesy, but he fell in love with your aura and that smile that made him feel so welcomed. He has the very special ability of being able to read people and you passed the test with flying colors.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Jango doesn’t let you lift a finger. He gets worried when things are out of his control, but if there’s something that can be done he’s doing it. He’ll definitely make time for a little cuddle, remind you to breathe, make sure you’re hydrated.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Kids. Peace. A home far away from the cloners. Perhaps he can finally retire and live that life with you.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Jango definitely enjoys control in his life where he can have it, but he’s always making big decisions with you. There is by no means a power imbalance and he likes you to hold your own. There is a give and take like every relationship.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Jango’s trust is not easily earned, but it is easily broken. The first time you got in a fight, Jango was harshly scolding you about safety. You cried at the sound of his voice and the look on his face. He felt awful later that night and apologized, hitting you with some of that slow and desperate I-almost-lost-you sex.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Jango always expects something to go wrong. He couldn’t be more grateful to have you in his life, but half of him thinks he’s going to wake up and it will all be a dream.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Jango is mysterious. It’s not that he’s being dishonest, it just takes him a really long time to open up. He won’t open up to you about the stresses of the job. He bottles things.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Jango went through a period of time where he hesitated to pull that trigger. You inspire him to be better and although he would not like to admit it, he’s become softer than he was in the past.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh yes. Jango doesn’t think you’re going to cheat on him per say, but he will come up and assert himself if a guy is getting too friendly. It just makes him anxious.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Jango is a little too good. He initiated your first kiss, inching closer and closer so subtly as you were talking until finally he closed the gap. The first thing you noticed was how strong his hands were as they wrapped around your body. His mouth was firm, his skin was so warm, and his aftershave smelled crisp.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Jango struggled for a very long time to realize how much he cared for you. Your relationship started out very physical and very casual, and eventually he every so subtly asked you if you wanted to be exclusive. He told you he loved you in bed. In the middle of sex. In the dark. It just slipped out.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

While some wouldn’t peg him for the type, marriage is huge for Jango. You’re his ride-or-die and he’s going to marry you the Mandalorian way. Just like the way he told you he loved you, he brings up the idea of marriage casually in bed. Your relationship doesn’t change much after you are married since Jango waited until your relationship was very secure and comfortable.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

There’s a slew of nicknames in Mando’a that seem to roll off his tongue, but you love when he opts for something simple like “my love”. He sometimes calls you “angel”, and while that could have fallen flat coming from anyone else, you found it quite endearing coming from Jango. You are truly his angel.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Jango has an outstanding pokerface. All the affection you receive is in private or very, very coded in public.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Jango keeps you hidden like treasure. This is for safety reasons, mostly, as others could exploit your relationship. But Jango is territorial. He wants others to know you’re his.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Jango allocates his time wisely and tries to leave his work at the door. When he’s with you, that’s where his mind is. He’ll come home, hop in the fresher, and then he’s all yours.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

There is nothing usual about your relationship and Jango is not very good at “traditional”. But, he is very much a gentleman and will pull out all the stops to make you feel special.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Jango is nurturing, which comes as a surprise to most who meet him. He helps you wherever he can. He thinks the world of you and believes you can do anything. When you are surprised that were successful, he is not surprised in the slightest.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Jango does not like surprises. But, he does love to make you happy. He’ll try most things at least once.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Sometimes Jango can be a bit thick in the relationship department and doesn’t understand why certain things upset you so much, but he is respectful. If you say you are upset he believes you. Once you tell him something, he never forgets it, and he knows you way more than you realize at times.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Family is everything to Jango. Boba of course is also his priority, and he’d do anything to keep the two of you safe. His job, his life on Kamino, all that comes last.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

The man loves a cuddle. Period. He doesn’t even talk. He just likes to feel you on his lap, he loves to feel your hands dusting over him, he loves a good makeout session. He is truly touch starved and he loves that he can be vulnerable and comfortable with you like this.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Oops.

Well to add to the above, the kisses and cuddles come when you have full privacy. You can always tell when Jango is desperate by the way he pulls you aside and can’t get enough of you.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Oh he yearns. He yearns big time.

Jango doesn’t like to be away from you for too long. The nights are the hardest of course, when he realizes that he’s finally become unaccustomed to sleeping alone after such a long existence of solitude.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Jango would quite literally commit murder for you. Don’t try him.

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