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angelzai · 4 months

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nsfw alphabet - osamu dazai . . . .ᐟ

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

wc: 2.1k

cw: gn!reader - no explicit anatomy mentioned, switch leaning sub!dazai, nicknames “pretty,” “honey,” and “babe” for reader, one instance of “daddy,” brief mentions of choking/spitting/slapping/marking/collaring/edging/dacryphilia, graphic mentions of cum, cum eating, CUM, degenerate!dazai my beloved

reid: no one asked for this i just be thinking uwu enjoy

. . . .ᐟ

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

it’s dazai - he’s lazy and kind of a princess. unless cleaning up is absolutely necessary (read: you both and the sheets are drenched in sweat and/or cum) he will just want to stay where you are and cuddle and be loved on

usually chatty afterward. loves to chit chat. if you’re too sleepy to hold a conversation, he’ll play with your hair and you can listen to him talk about the fall of the byzantine empire

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

dazai is aware that he has attractive hands. there isn’t a single part of himself he’s not at least a little conscious of, but he knows his hands are both pretty and skilled, so he might as well try to be proud of them!

can’t pick a favorite body part on his partner. it changes by the day. one day it’s your waist, the next it’s your hair, wednesday it’s your thighs, most fridays he prefers your hands, sometimes it’s your stomach, other days it’s your ass. . .

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

i know it tastes like sulfuric acid

cums so much. like an obscene amount.

he definitely has a thing for seeing you covered in his cum - whether it’s on your chest, face, back. . .

filthy nasty when it comes to cleanup. you made a mess on his fingers? he made a mess in your hands? your hole is dripping with his cum and yours? his mouth is on it. shameless

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

less dirty and more just embarrassing for him - he usually cries after make-up sex.

if you argue and then fuck it out, tears will be rolling down his face while he cums - he loves you so much! he doesn’t want a petty argument to ever make you rethink your relationship with him

if you notice this, no you don’t. to him it’s a fucking secret okay

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

while i do think he probably hoed around toward the end of/after his mafia days, i don’t think he’s as experienced as anyone expects him to be.

liked the feeling but hated the vulnerability. it was a tradeoff he wasn’t willing to make anymore at some point. eventually realized he needs to build up a level of trust with potential sexual partners

once that trust is built up though. hooo boy

that genius brain of his isn’t just for detective work

he’s intuitive and a quick learner. absolutely knows what he’s doing.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

spoons.

lazy man loves to wrap one arm around your neck and play with you with his free hand while he thrusts into you from behind <3

really partial to any position that lets him bite your neck and kiss your face and groan in your ear (hopes you do the same to him)

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

can’t help the occasional one liner. he’s a natural comedian

dazai rather enjoys more playful sex where you both can laugh and talk throughout - sometimes it feels more intimate than serious, stone-faced sex

takes on a more serious air if he’s feeling jealous or insecure

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

will adhere pretty firmly to whatever your preference is!

if you have no preference, he just trims when he’s unruly - maybe once every two weeks or so

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

physically extremely sensual and aware of your body - little touches and breaths on your skin, lingering eyes, things that would get glossed over by anyone who isn’t a romantic at heart

tries (and succeeds) to swoon you verbally, too.

“need to feel you, please.”

“fuck- we fit s’ well together, don’t you think so?”

“‘m all yours, honey.”

“c’mon, pretty, fuck me like you own me.”

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

pillow humper.

he’s lazy! don’t get the idea that he’s above stroking himself because he’s not, but sometimes he just doesn’t feel like it

just imagine him in the first light of the morning waking up before his alarm with an unforgiving hard on. . .he was probably dreaming about you! and if you’re not there, what else is he supposed to do other than fold a pillow between his legs and grind on it until he cums in his boxers?

nnnnhhnmnmghshdhd pillow humper dazai <3

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

choke. this. man.

whether he’s topping bottoming subbing domming whatever he cums 10x harder when your hands are anywhere near his neck

likes fingers in his mouth uwu since he’s confident in his hands, he’s definitely into you sucking on his fingers too

pry his jaw open and spit on his tongue. he will gladly return the favor, if you wish

slap him if you’re comfortable. he’s down for it. he usually hates pain, but if it’s supplemental to pleasure?

big fan of biting and scratching too, both ways if you’ll indulge him.

likes having matching marks <3

leash and collar this man while he’s on his knees and tell him it’s where he belongs. he’ll agree!

edges the hell out of you when he doms. maybe likes to see you cry a little bit <3

on the softer side, he adores being praised - bonus points if you can mix in some subtle and tasteful degradation. loves being told how good he feels, how good he’s letting you use him, how good of a boy he is. . .

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

he prefers the privacy of your bedroom so he can completely let go of his reservations

buuuuuut also gets excited about car sex uwu something about how the windows fog up, and how desperate and feral it can feel. . .

at the end of the day, he’s never met a flat surface he couldn’t fuck on. if he wants you, he’ll find somewhere to have you

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you get intense about anything. discussing something you’re very passionate about? someone or something is visibly pissing you off? you’re road raging? dazai’s ready to drop ‘em

oh lord about to get the works cited page going. next bullet point references this post by user cqthqrtic (not tagging as to not surprise them with random nsfw content in their notifs, however if you see this, legend, and want tagged do let me know!), who pioneered my favorite degenerate!dazai and i think about him OFTEN

so with that, on a less wholesome note than the first one, i fully agree that calling him names like sicko, perv, freak, etc. gets him going like you would not fucking believe. he lives for your half-disgusted little reactions when he whispers filth in your ear in public or proposes some depraved shit like eating his own cum out of you. god forgive me

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

heavy, intense degradation. he’s already hyper-convinced that he’s a piece of shit. keep it to the classics; he likes being your dumb slut, your fucktoy, your brat, etc. and mix it up with praise. he does not like being called useless, bad, good for nothing else, etc.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

a real eater. a proud munch. so fucking smug about it too

his mouth + his hands? you’re seeing god

cannot however deny how much he loves your mouth on his cock. he’ll almost never ask for it, but he’ll also never say no to it.

might get carried away and fuck your throat a little - don’t worry, he’ll compensate you. ride his face til he can’t breathe

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

almost always wants to take his time with you! he’s got a lot of self control and he uses that to his advantage

he can’t get over how tender it feels to bury his face in your neck, wrap his arms around you, and feel your nails in his back while he’s fucking you deep and unhurriedly

he loves slow, sleepy, lazy sex where his hands can just roam every inch of your body.

don’t get it twisted - dazai will absolutely fuck you fast and rough if you just say the word

want him to go faster and harder? give his hair a good tug <3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not his favorite methodology, last letter considered.

won’t decline if it’s to get out of work <3 bring him lunch at the office and he might just bend you over the bathroom sink

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’ll try just about anything once.

this man spent his most formative years in a front row seat to observe humanity at its filthiest - anything that happens with mutual consent and good intent between you two in the bedroom can’t be that horrible.

besides, he loves discovering new kinks of his with you <3

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

only one or two rounds, maybe three on a good day, but he manages his time well.

spends anywhere from 15-30 minutes on foreplay on the first go around

will let you rest between rounds but continue kissing on you and teasing you lightly so it all just feels like one dreamy and continuous round

with his insane self control he could easily drag a couple rounds of sex out for hours. many hours.

however, he won’t usually keep you longer than three or so hours; on the flip side, he rarely spends less than 45 minutes on you.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

not opposed to you bringing toys to the table, but no, he doesn’t own any.

he can makeshift some handcuffs out of a belt so quick - what would he need to buy them for?

not a fan of having toys used on him, but he’ll go to town on you if you want <3

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

oh brother

will hold off on cumming himself just so he can draw your orgasm out longer. sensing a theme here? when i tell you his self control is insane.

beg him all you want - he goes into it knowing exactly how long he’s going to edge you for <3

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he can hold himself back and be quiet. . .does not like to, though!

high quality triple x this-shit-rated-porn ass moans, sighs, grunts, and whines coming out of him regardless of his position. he was meant to be LOUD. he likes to let you know how good you make him feel!

cusses so much.

whatever he’s babbling gets so breathy and growly when he’s close

“thank you thank you thank you fuck thank you” while he cums <3

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

wanna make him bust on the spot? call him daddy while he’s in you <3

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

average thickness but god he’s long

we’re talkin pushing eight inches

no curve, very few veins, blushy pink tip

sticks straight up and twitches when he’s hard <3

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

contrary to popular (?) belief, i think his sex drive is average if not a little lower

mostly just up for it whenever you are! you bring it up? sure, he’s game <3

about who initiates sex: 60/40, you/him respectively.

if he’s not in the mood will say some really lame and uncomfortably silly shit like “i think mr. pinky’s asleep right now babe” 👎

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

no he wants. to. CHAT

has enough trouble sleeping at night as it is! kind of just wants to go back to snuggling and hanging out when you’re done

again if it’s bedtime and you’re sleepy, he’ll just talk softly about whatever until he hears you snoring.

might pick up a book for an hour or so before joining you in the dream world <3

always smooches you goodnight whether you’re awake or not.

#bsd dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #bsd x reader #dazai headcanons #dazai hcs #angelzai original.ᐟ #devilzai hours.ᐟ #mdni

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for not taking her meds?

My (24M) girlfriend (28F) has bipolar and BPD. We've been together coming up on 3 years now. For the last half a year we were together it was pretty rough and turbulent, she was unmedicated and was having suicidal breakdowns almost every day, ended up in hospital several times, threatened and got into physical altercations with other girls who spoke to me or she thought were flirting with me, and I was spending almost every single day of my life having to take hours to talk her down from suicide or self-harm. It was emotionally exhausting and as someone who's also had suicide attempts in the past it was also incredibly triggering and damaging to my own mental health.

For additional context as to why I feel the way I do, my last girlfriend also had diagnosed BPD and NPD and when she stopped taking her medication she became fully abusive both physically and verbally and it took me a year of being absolutely beaten down to finally snap and leave her.

(Obvious note: I'm not saying everyone with bipolar, BPD, or NPD is abusive or that these illnesses inherently make you abusive. They were an abuser who just happened to have those things, and that played into how they acted and thought/felt.)

Current girlfriend eventually got medication and has been doing much better for most of the time since then. When she's on her meds she's a wonderful and generally pretty healthy partner - she's supportive, understanding of my boundaries, checks in with me, she's a year clean from self-harm, hasn't displayed any kind of self-destructive behaviour. She's gotten a job and managed to hold it down (got fired from several jobs in the past because of her daily meltdowns meaning she wasn't attending work), she's started exercising and going to the gym, she's picked up new hobbies, made new friends, she's just been doing great in general.

For about the past month though, she started going days without taking her medication and when I reminded her she would say she didn't want to, that she hated taking it, that she doesn't like the way it makes her feel etc. This is something my last girlfriend said too, and I know it's really common for people with BPD (and maybe bipolar too?) to stop taking their medication because they feel emotionally flat in comparison to how they feel off of the meds. I pretty much said that I couldn't handle going back to how she acts when she's off of the medication again and that if she was going to stop taking them then I didn't think our relationship would last through that kind of period again because last time it completely destroyed my mental health, my sleep, my life and several of my relationships due to how much energy and time I was having to put into her vs. myself and everything else. I suggested asking her doctor/psychiatrist/etc. for another dosage change or meds switch again to see if that would work better (though up until recently they have seemed to be working great so I'm not sure how good of an idea switching it up again would be).

She agreed at the time but I was kind of concerned about whether she'd been keeping up with it or not because over the last few weeks I've already noticed things devolving again - her screaming at me out of nowhere and having mood swings, intense jealousy and possessiveness, impulsive behaviour, even a couple of breakdowns again and having to talk her out of self-harm for the first time in over a year. True enough, today I found out she's been pretending to take her medication and throwing them out. When I confronted her about it she admitted she hasn't taken her medication for weeks.

I pretty much withdrew after that and didn't say anything at that moment but after a while she asked me why I was being so quiet and I basically repeated what I'd said to her in the last conversation, that I was honestly rethinking whether or not the relationship would work because I can't handle that kind of emotional exhaustion and constant sacrifice all over again. I don't mind some emotional support and some labour of love in a relationship because of course I'm going to need to look out for her mental health and reassure and comfort sometimes, that's the reality of loving someone who struggles, but I can't do it 24/7 again. I can't once again put talking her down for hours every day and weathering screaming and violent lashing out all the time at the expense of even my own basic needs and my own mental health struggles (for example my c-PTSD from my last relationship).

When I said that she got very very upset and basically said I was forcing her to choose between me and freedom or being able to live a normal/unmedicated life (which I mean, I guess I can't argue with because in a way I am making her choose between me and stopping her meds), and that I couldn't control her like that. I told her I wasn't doing it to control her and that if she's really determined to go off of them she could, but that I would have to make my own personal choice to walk away as a result of it for my own sake.

She said she'd think about it but ever since that conversation I've been going back and forth in my head on how much of a dick move it would be to flat out just do a black-and-white "Either you stay on your meds and regulate your behaviour or I leave"

TL;DR Girlfriend wants to go off of her medication, but when she's off her meds she has almost daily suicidal breakdowns and lashes out at me physically and verbally. WIBTA if I broke up with her if she goes ahead with stopping?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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ddejavvu · 1 year

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Eddie, your boyfriend, and you discussing having a threesome at some point. And then he offers you a threesome with Chrissy. You get confused like does Eddie wanna sleep with Chrissy? I just thought they were friends? But then he explains babe, Chrissy wants to sleep with YOU. She, like, is always telling him how pretty you are

You were only eager to explore the idea of a threesome with Eddie until he had a name already locked and loaded for your third party. You thought you'd scout a bar together, or rope one of your friends' friends into a one-time test that would determine whether 'the more the merrier' applied to sex. But when Eddie responds to your initial proposal with a quick nod, and a, 'Chrissy?' you start rethinking your offer.

"Uh," You flounder, stomach starting to churn, "I guess- maybe? I thought you two were just friends."

"We are," He nods, still absent-minded until his brain catches up with him. Then he's dropping his pen onto the scribbled doodle he'd been sketching, looking up at you with wide eyes pooled with understanding.

"Wait, wait, wait, not like that." He reaches for your hands, and you hear him out with dread still pooling in your stomach.

"We are just friends," He assures you, pretty brown eyes dripping with sincerity behind his long lashes, "But she likes you. She talks about you all the time. At first she was just, like, asking me how you were doing when she saw me and stuff. But then she came to my van to pick something up," He clears his throat, politely leaving the name of whatever drugs she was buying out of your conversation, "-and out of the corner of my eye I saw her slip something into her pocket. I only realized later, when you couldn't find it, that it was your lip gloss that you keep in the cupholder. And when I saw her again she was wearing it, now it's the only thing she wears."

You mull the information over a bit, deep in thought. Then, in a quiet voice, "That doesn't mean she wants to have sex with me, Eddie."

"That's... not all of it." He admits, raising a hand to scratch at his hair, "I tried to be casual about it. I said the stuff she was wearing looked like yours. And she got all red, started talking about how pretty the color was. I was starting to get a little suspicious, but I really couldn't tell if she was after me or you, y'know?"

You nod, and he squeezes your hands tighter.

"Then the next time I sold stuff to her, she asked about you again. I teased her a bit, asked if she just wanted to come over and see you. She heated up again, started smoothing out her skirt and messing with her shirt, asking if I meant 'right now?'. That's when I figured it out."

"I kinda elbowed her, y'know?" Eddie mimics the gesture, rocking his body to one side, "And I said 'Holy shit, you've got a thing for my girlfriend!'.

"No!" Chrissy stammers, shaking her head so that her ponytail bounces, "No, Eddie, that's- I would never do that to you!"

I don't blame you," Eddie shrugs, a smug smirk on his face, "I've got a thing for her too."

"I think she's really pretty." Chrissy admits, eyes wide and glued to her feet, "But that's- she's your girlfriend! And I know it's not fair, I- I'm really sorry, Eddie."

"Really," He laughs, knocking his shoulder into hers, "It's fine. I know you won't try anything. Hell, you're so sweet you'd pr'y come crying to me feeling guilty before you'd even made a move. You are not a cheater, I know that."

"Thing is," Eddie picks away a smear of nail polish that's stuck in the crease of your finger, "Now that I know, she won't shut up about you. She just talks and talks and talks, all day long, about how pretty she thinks you are, how lucky I am, and I don't really disagree."

"That's.. crazy." You shake your head, not because you're upset, but because you're surprised. You've interacted with the girl before, and she's been almost unbearably sweet, but you hadn't thought anything of it. You'd heard only good things about her, so you just assumed her saccharine demeanor was the default. You have to say, thinking about the starry-eyed girl having a puppy crush on you is making your heart beat just a bit faster.

"Well, all I'm saying is, she's a willing candidate. We'd have to break our 'no kissing' rule, though," Eddie grins, "I think she wants to give back some of that lip gloss she snatched."

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msnanu · 5 months

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Libertine 05 | JJK

Libertines put value on physical pleasures, meaning those experienced through the senses.

❧ Series Masterlist ❧

⏤summary ❧ He has a reputation for being the most promiscuous man on campus, and you, well, you are basically him in women’s pants. It will be the very first time that Jungkook is faced with someone who is gonna make him question his feelings and actions.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ f*boy jungkook x f*girl female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ some fluff, smut, mild angst, teasing and lots of sexual tension.

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language, NSFW🔞

❧ banner by: @dojakoo ❧

Jungkook was lying on the couch in his house while looking at the ceiling. It was extremely plausible to say that his Sunday was being a bore compared to his last two days of the week.

His friends weren't planning to leave the house, you weren’t there for him to distract himself, and Seulgi was ignoring his calls. It was a horrible Sunday.

Despite the inertia that Jungkook's body was in, his head felt like a deep well, running at the speed of light.

All his thoughts, or most of them, were on you. He was trying to understand what was going on in your head, and of course, he was failing miserably.

There were no explanations for your actions, he could never know what your next move would be. He couldn’t quite understand how you had sex with one of his friends and then kissed him as if nothing had happened.

Funny thing tho, he has done the same thing various times, sleeping with a girl and then moving on to her best friend, and even worse. He had once slept with the sister of a previous hook up, both within the same week. But he was never the one in this position, it was as if the roles had been reversed. It was weird as fuck and Jungkook hated the feeling of not knowing what to do.

If only he knew how you felt about him, maybe he'd know better how to deal with you.

Jungkook thought you were considerate of him, even if minimally. But he also thought you purposely tortured him because you hated guys like him – which wasn’t too far away from the truth. For Jungkook, it was an unanswered puzzle.

That introspective moment was making him rethink his attitude to Jimin. If you were doing all this just for the sake of your fun, there was no reason for him to take it personally. It was always a problem for him when he got carried away by the judgment of his own dick.

It was new for him to feel that kind of feeling. It wasn't really remorse, but it was a feeling that he could have looked at things differently. This had never happened. Most of the time Jungkook thought he was right and went on living.

He felt weird.

His thoughts then returned to you. Jungkook remembered the girl talking about classical literature in his car. She was a nice girl, a nice person to be friends with, but not something he was used to doing. He fucked and left.

He didn't even know if you would want to be friends with him, but he preferred to ignore any and all possibility of getting closer to you than usual.

The rest of his day was like that: complete boredom, and the certainty that this week he would resolve his "situation" with you. Whether it's finally going to bed with you or ending that chase for good.

On Monday morning Jungkook didn't have his first class, but he was determined to find you. So, he woke up early and, as confident as ever, headed off to college. People had already seen him walking down those halls anyway, it wouldn't make a difference.

Luckily for him, he saw you heading towards the Classical Literature corridors. He hurried to stop you on the way and spare himself any more stares from your fellow humanities.

“Hey!” He yelled, trying to reach you.

You turned to him with a frown. He found it amazing how carefree you always looked.

“Are you lost?” You asked, convinced.

“I don't think so. I think I'm really where I'm supposed to be.”

You chuckled. “God. You’re impossible.”

Jungkook couldn’t help to smile at you, he realized that you had enjoyed seeing him there. Maybe just like him, you liked to feel like you'd gotten attention. If you really liked the attention, Jungkook knew he was on the right track.

“What class do you have now?”

“Latin Literature.” You said looking at him curiously, sounding a little weirded out with that random question. Since when does he care what class do you have?

“Skip it.”

You smiled at the nonsense he had just said, causing him again to smile too.

“What makes you think I would do that?”

This time, it was a different kind of flirtation. Anyone who passed by you could feel the tension involved, but both of you preferred to believe that this conversation was just an exchange of information.

“Well, you're still here, talking to me, aren't you?”

He said smugly while he observed attentively how you bite your lip and take a deep breath.

“Come on, Y/N. Trust me.”

When Jungkook said your name, he noticed that you felt different. As if something had awakened in you. Your posture had softened, and your eyes were steadily staring into his. You were actually considering it. That had to be a win for Jungkook. Finally.

“Fine. Where are you gonna take me?” You asked in defeat while keeping your eyes locked.

“Where do you wanna go?”

It wasn't the best answer he could come up with.

“Surprise me.” You grinned, extremely aware of your own potential.

Jungkook returned the smile and allowed you to lead the way. On the way to the parking lot, several eyes turned to you. He swore to hear people commenting on the two of you but considered himself a little paranoid. It was indeed a crooked path.

Not that he didn't like being seen with a pretty girl, but you were different, smart, you were sure to use that against him at some point.

You walked ahead of him, making your scent leave trails behind. Jungkook was having a hard time there.

The ride in the car was silent. Jungkook didn't dare bring up any subject, didn't want anything you said to be another reason for him to think about the night. Meanwhile, his eyes flickered between the street and the girl next to him. You seemed to be too entertained with the view of the city to start any kind of conversation.

Jungkook found himself staring at your uncovered thighs for several moments. The dress you wore was short and sleeveless, leaving your entire cleavage and legs bare. The feeling running through his head was pure anticipation.

Taking you to his house would be too obvious on his part, so he thought of a place he could take you without seeming absurd and you both could be finally alone.

“Did you just take me to a library?” You said in disbelief when you saw him parking.

He laughed. He recognized it sounded ridiculous at first, but he knew the potential of that place.

“Looks like someone doesn't know how to wait for surprises.”

You got out of the car, still looking confused.

“I skip college and you bring me to a place with more books? What kind of fun is this?”

“Shall we?” Jungkook said, ignoring your little complaints. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he found you cute with that confused look all over your face.

As the two of you walked inside the library, you were surprised by a female voice that seemed shocked by Jungkook's presence there. The woman walked towards you and hugged him.

“Jungkook? How long have I not seen you?”

The woman was older, had a tired posture, and on her face was a huge smile.

Jungkook raised his eyebrows, looking over the woman's shoulder at you. You looked scared.

“You can't just disappear like that.”

Gradually your features became friendly. You looked at the two in front of you with a slight smile on your face. It was unusual for you to see Jungkook being dear and kind, and he knew that was weird for you.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Yoon.” He tried to justify but the woman interrupted him.

“Don't give me excuses, start showing up more. How is your father?”

With that question, Jungkook broke the hug. You noticed how quickly his smile dropped but you weren’t going to comment on that. It’s none of your business.

It was a complicated relationship, and Jungkook definitely didn't want to discuss it in front of you or anyone to be honest.

“He is fine. I haven't seen him in a while too.” He said hoping she would wrap up the matter.

“When you see him, tell him I sent my regards.”

“Of course…” He took a deep breath as he stumbled over his own words. “Could you, eh... give me the key to the back room?”

“Sure.” The woman turned to the key ring, and when she came back, she watched you up and down.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry, how rude of me, I didn’t see you there. You must be his girlfriend?”

Jungkook felt he could die of embarrassment at any moment. Gradually he was already regretting bringing you there. You both exchanged glances and he could see that you were enjoying the situation. You were standing in front of the woman, waiting for Jungkook to answer the question for you.

Oh God, this was so much fun for you, it’s amazing how much a single word can make Jungkook blush. Free entertainment for your eyes.

“S-she’s not. S-she is… She’s a friend of mine.” Jungkook hated himself for stuttering and even more he hated how amused you seemed to be while observing how nervous he suddenly got. “Mrs. Yoon, this is Y/N.”

He watched the two women embrace in front of him. He couldn't hear what you said to each other, but you were smiling as if you were the most sociable person in the world.

“Let’s go?” Jungkook noticed that you were getting comfortable there and hurried you along.

He placed his hand on your back pushing you forward.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Yoon.”

“Likewise. I hope I see you again, sweetie.” The woman said watching Y/N disappear through one of the corridors.

Jungkook and you continued walking in silence, until you let out a low chuckle.

“What are you laughing at? What did she say to you?” Jungkook asked, annoyed.

“Wow, what's with that humor? She just asked me to fix you.” You laughed as you tried to formulate your next sentence. “By the way, where are you taking me?”

Jungkook didn't know which phrase he paid more attention to. The fact that Mrs. Yoon thought he needed a girlfriend to be okay irritated him. Your impatience at that moment also annoyed him.

Appreciating the good relationship between you two and keeping in mind his plans for the future, Jungkook decided to remain silent and continue on his way.

When you finally arrived in front of a small door at the end of the library's central hallway, Jungkook pulled out the key Mrs. Yoon had given him and opened the door. You were at his side, maintaining an eager posture.

He made room for you to enter first and saw you gape for the first time ever. Your eyes stared at every point in the room, as if you were scanning everything.

The environment wasn't much different from the library itself, but there were sculptures and paintings scattered around the corners.

In the middle of the room were two sofas and a rectangular table big enough to hold many books. All the lighting was darker, in yellow tones.

“What is this place? I had never been here before.” You turned to him outraged.

Jungkook laughed weakly. “I would be surprised if you did it. It's my father's collection.”

You continued to walk forward, looking closely at each bookcase. It seemed like it took you a few seconds to process Jungkook’s response when you suddenly stopped and stared at him with surprise written all over your face.

“Wait. Your father has a private library?”

Your disbelief was funny to watch. Jungkook was so used to it all that he didn't understand the appeal. He knew that place would please you and make you easier to talk to. He watched you walk towards a bookshelf in the left corner.

“Do you have a radar?” He asked, referring to the fact that there were Classic books in that corner of the room. He heard your chuckle as you kept observing the books in front of you.

“I still don't believe it, I mean, look at these editions.” You said sounding way more excited than what Jungkook expected.

Jungkook smiled to see you like this. You were like a kid when mom or dad told you that you could have candy before lunch. You were amazed, your eyes sparkled.

In that moment, Jungkook didn't feel like fucking you. It was an almost angelic sight. The level of naivety you were giving off, destroyed all the vision he had about you being a promiscuous girl.

He waited a while for you to leaf through the book in your hand. He didn't want to spoil that for you.

Taking a deep breath, Jungkook remembered his thoughts from yesterday. Maybe this was an opportunity to come clean with you.

“I think I owe you an apology.” The words came bitterly from his mouth.

Definitely not something he was used to. In the last few days Jungkook was doing a lot of new things he never imagined doing. Apologizing to someone was definitely out of character for him.

You closed the book in your hands and looked up to face him.

“Why?”

Jungkook felt the words choke him. The switch in your gaze was insane. You could be very intimidating sometimes.

A silence took over the room before he could finally speak.

“The last few days I... I... I thought very badly of you.”

His breathing was the only audible sound in the room.

“Because I slept with your friend?”

You simply asked without an ounce of embarrassment. Your face was so serene. The way you remained passive in the face of these situations scared Jungkook.

“Well, one minute you were with me at the bar, the next you were with Jimin. Imagine how I felt.” He said in a steady voice.

“One minute you were with your girlfriend, the next you were courting me in that bar.” You shot back in the split of a second with the calmest voice possible. He wished he could sense some type of jealousy in your words, but right now he wasn’t seeing any signs of that. But then again, it was still really hard for him to read you.

He didn’t expect this to backfire. Technically, you were right. He was indeed with Seulgi before approaching to you that night in the pub, but he just wanted you, he hadn’t even invited her. And suddenly he couldn’t even find the right words to respond to your comeback, so he said the first thing that came to his mind.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

It’s not like you cared…or did you though? You quickly pushed away those thoughts.

You laughed at Jungkook while keeping your gaze on him. “You’re smarter than that, Jungkook.”

For the first time you had called him by his name. Jungkook could feel a shiver down his spine as he heard his name fall from your lips. Your voice was low enough to make him want to forget about the whole argument and kiss you.

He never thought he could win a fight with you, but at that moment he was absolutely sure he had lost.

Your face remained calm; you knew you were dominating him.

“Jimin is my friend.” Jungkook responded, trying to justify what he considered your "mistake".

“So what? I'm single. That’s the beauty of it, I can be with whoever I want. It's not like I'm cheating on anyone.”

You emphasized the last part of your sentence, which made Jungkook realize his disaffection with Seulgi. He didn’t give two fucks if Seulgi slept with anyone else and of course, he himself didn’t care sleeping with others.

He was the same as you, but for some reason he couldn’t pick up, he was feeling insanely annoyed at the fact that you decided to sleep with his friend. And it was even more annoying to see how unfaced you were about it.

“I honestly don't get you. I don't think I ever will.” His voice came out deeper. It was not his intention to argue with you there, but the path the conversation took proved that to be inevitable.

You were a good distance apart, but for some reason the room felt warm.

“It's annoying when someone acts the same way as you, isn't it?” You said narrowing your eyes.

Oh, how well you could read him.

It was so obvious that he was jealous, why? You don’t know the answer to that. And for some twisted reason, that thought alone made you feel so freaking horny.

The infamous Jeon Jungkook was right in front of you, looking hot as fuck at the verge of throwing a tantrum because you decided to sleep with his friend and your panties were getting as wet as possible as the minutes went by. If only he knew.

You didn’t know why your body was reacting this way to his little scene, but you were decided to take care of your horniness right here and right now.

You climbed down a step from the top of the bookcase and walked slowly to the sofa rail in the middle of the room.

Now you were face to face, and Jungkook couldn't hide his nervousness. You watched him swallow hard as his hands squeezed the ledge of the other sofa.

You smiled at him.

“I've seen you a lot, Jungkook. Enough to know how much you love going around teasing girls, hoping they'll run after you.”

You kept walking until you were sitting on the edge of the table between the two couches. “But you should know better by now, I'm not gonna run after you.”

At that sentence, Jungkook let a long, heavy sigh escape his lips. He didn't mean to show how much your words bothered him, but your gaze on him was so strong he couldn't help it.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Jungkook said, taking a step forward.

“I never had to go through this in my life. I never had to go to so much trouble to fuck a girl. You took my peace of mind. You are such a misfortune, Y/N.”

Fuck, he sounded so hot. His voice was barely audible. You both felt all the adrenaline rush through your bodies at that moment.

“Still, you brought me here to fuck me, am I right?”

Your sincerity startled him a second time.

He didn't understand how you could be so rational, so tough to pressure him. The world could be collapsing, and you would still remain passive, with your voice low and your posture straight.

You weren't like him. You were so much better than him.

“Yes.” He replied, without an ounce of shame.

“So why aren't you doing it? Why are you still talking?” You said, holding your gaze on him. “Fuck me, Jungkook.”

That last phrase sounded like music to his ears. He didn’t need to be asked twice.

Jungkook walked towards you, closing the short distance that separated both of you. His eager hands went straight to your face, pulling you in for a kiss. You spread your legs so that Jungkook's body fit perfectly with yours.

For a moment he thought he was imagining it.

As your hands grabbed him by his short hair bringing him as close as possible, one of his hands went to your breast, squeezing it without any courtesy.

The hand that was on your face headed to the back of your neck pulling your hair. With your neck exposed, Jungkook began to alternate between kisses and hickeys, causing you to let out a loud moan.

He was good. Almost too good to be truth. Your body was burning with pure desire. The lust that Jungkook had awakened in you, was something else.

Jungkook took advantage of the short dress you were wearing. In the position you were sitting at the table, the hem of your dress was already at your waist, which allowed him to stroke your thighs freely.

Slowly and deliberately, Jungkook's hand began to caress your inner thighs.

This brat. You knew what he was doing. Or trying to.

“Stop teasing me.” You said through a moan in his ear.

Jungkook smiled while he abandoned the crook of your neck, only to face you. He wanted to see what you looked like when you were losing your mind. When you faced each other, you both felt each other’s hot breaths.

You were a mess, first time seeing you like this and what a sight, your hair was disheveled, your dress was wrinkled, and your face was all flushed.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered, returning to attack your mouth.

Something jumped in the pit of your stomach, but you decided to ignore it and focus on fucking him. You were feeling desperate for his touch and you could sense that he was feeling exactly the same.

He could feel your fingernails running under his face and hair, making him shiver.

When Jungkook's hand approached your folds, he could feel your panties heavy with your wetness.

“God.” He didn't mean to express himself aloud, but he couldn't help it.

He placed his hand on the edge of your panties and lifted his gaze to yours. He didn't need permission, but he felt he should have it.

“Please.” You begged as your hands climbed under his shirt. Fuck, he really works out – you think - you catch yourself salivating when your nails run over his six pack.

Jungkook thought for a second about teasing you a little bit more, but even he couldn't stand between his legs.

He pulled away slightly from you to slip his hand under the wet fabric. Looking at you, he could see your reaction when his fingers were finally inside you.

A faint moan escaped your lips. You stared at him with the same intensity as two of his fingers worked inside you. One of his hands gripped your waist, keeping you steady.

With your face resting on his shoulder, Jungkook listened you let out small, high-pitched moans, causing the intensity of his movements to increase. He felt your hardening nipples brush against his chest.

He swore he could cum untouched just by the sounds you were reproducing. He was fascinated with you.

It took no effort for Jungkook to realize that you were almost there. Your body began to shake over his fingers, as if you were hunting for relief.

He pulled your face down and glued your foreheads together. He wanted to see you when you came.

Jungkook increased the speed of his movements, watching you do the same with your waist. You grabbed the strands of his short hair as if your life depended on it.

“I'm gonna… I…I…” Your sentence was brutally slashed by moans that escaped your mouth.

“Fuck, Jungkook.”

Hearing you moan his name as you came motivated him to keep stroking you. It was just like he imagined, even better.

Your face was twisted, but there was a certain concern in your eyes. You wanted him to know that you were going to cum.

“I know.” Jungkook assured you, holding you tighter.

That was enough to make you spill over his fingers. Your legs were shaking, while your breathing was totally uneven.

Jungkook kept his eyes on you, waiting for the moment when you would open yours. Your half-open mouth let out little curses mixed with gasps.

It was Jungkook's personal vision of paradise.

When your eyes slowly opened, and your breathing was steadying, you stared at him hungrily as he licked his fingers deliciously with your scent all over it.

“God. You taste so sweet, Y/N.”

“I want you so fucking bad.” You admitted, taking your hands to his zipper taking him by surprise for what could be the hundredth time already. And God, he was big, so fucking big that you couldn’t wait to feel him inside you.

Unlike Jungkook, you didn't wait for consent. With his erection in your hands, you began to jerk him off as you watched him moan in front of you.

He had thought of this so many times when he was alone. Too many. He had masturbated more times than what he would like to admit at the thought of you. Every time he stroked his dick thinking of you, he imagined that it was your hand instead of his. Imagining how good you would make him feel. And it finally was happening.

He had already given up trying to contain his reactions, his eyes were already closed, and his hands braced around your body, trying to keep steady.

“Oh fuck.” He moaned close to your ear. “I won't last long if you continue this way.”

You pressed the tip of him and saw his body twitch.

“I thought you were better than that.” You provoked him.

“You fucking joking, right?” Jungkook said, gulping. “I've been waiting for this since forever.”

With that, you released him and pushed him away so you could take off your own panties.

Jungkook wasted no time and looked for a condom inside his wallet. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. It was as if that need had been consuming you both.

Duly protected, Jungkook placed himself at your entrance. Teasing you, he played close to your entry, smearing his big cock with all your wetness.

You were losing it. You threw your head back, waiting for him to fill you in. You couldn’t wait any longer.

“I want to see you.” He requested almost in a prayer.

You looked back at him, and this time licked your lips, smiling mischievously.

Jungkook thrusted inside you, slowly, enjoying every inch of you. Your moans and the naughty smile on your face made him increase the intensity.

He was so fucking satisfied.

It was impossible to explain how good you felt. Jungkook pulled your waist, sealing your bodies. You leaned in and the kiss you gave him was now intoxicating him. Every fiber in his body was living to touch and feel your body.

With each thrust, Jungkook felt your walls clench around him, while hearing your smooth moan between his lips.

Jungkook was feeling fucking good. He felt his hands tighten on your body, the softness of your face touching his, your nails digging into his shoulders, into that fucking sleave of tattoos on his arm that drove you crazy every time you saw him.

It was indeed heaven on Earth.

He'd been wanting to fuck you so much and for so long, that he felt his body fail after a few violent thrusts.

“Fuck me, Jungkook.” You repeated like a chant. You knew how much he wanted to hear that.

It felt as if he knew your body from another life. You never felt this horny before and the way he was fucking you was almost animalistic. Just the way you like it.

You brought your hands to his hair, pulling him closer to you. You were practically holding each other as Jungkook fucked you on top of his father's library table.

There was something about that place that gave him the confidence he felt he needed with you. The expectation of someone walking through the door, his father's reaction if he knew, everything in there encouraged him to fuck you harder.

“God. You're so fucking hot.” He whimpered.

A few more thrusts and Jungkook felt a dizziness begin to take over his body. He grabbed you by the hair and kept you looking at him. You opened your mouth and began to moan louder, urging him on.

“Come on, Jungkook. Cum for me.” You begged. “Please.”

Jungkook watched your pleading expression before finishing inside you.

“Fuuuuuuck.”

It was warm, tight, wet.

It was all the possible sensations in the world in one place.

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⏤ author's note❧ okay, i'm not gonna even lie. i admit i had to fan myself as i was writing this chapter 🥵. hope you guys enjoy this new update and as I always say: please give it a lot of love if you like it, reblog, leave your thoughts, send me asks. it will be all very much welcomed 🥰

⏤ tag list❧ @chimsworldsstuff @erica2283 @ahgasegotarmy116

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the-kr8tor · 9 months

Note

Hello again can you please do a yandere ex Hobie x reader

Where hobie and the reader breaks up because of his jealousy but he can't let them go because he believes that they're still his and no one else's.

Also thank you for doing my first request 😊🥰

Hi hun! Thank you for requesting again! I'm glad you like the first one ❤️ you're very welcome btw!

Yandere/possessive! Hobie x gn! Reader

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Your eyes keep flickering around your dark surroundings, it's so dark and quiet out that you can hear your own heavy breathing, you hug your jacket tighter around your torso, seeing your breath come out of your lips makes you more unsettled.

You just came out of the pub with your friends, they happily listened to your woes about your recent break up with Hobie. They cheered you up a bit, you parted ways with them with a smile.

But why do you still feel a presence with you?

Crash

Hearing the clatter of discarded cans on the side of the alley made you jump, quickly taking out your trusted pepper spray, pointing it towards the dark alleyway.

You sigh in relief when a stray cat jumps out of the alley. But you still feel a looming presence watching over you, so you clutch your spray tighter, ready to attack.

Times like these you miss Hobie's protective arms around you.

You shake the feeling, remembering why you broke it off. He got too jealous, too overprotective of you. To the point where you can't go anywhere without him by your side.

Sometimes the overprotectiveness wasn't completely useless, he's spider punk after all, threats thrown at him are also threats to you. Or that's what he always says to you anyway.

You see shadows dance under your feet, you instinctively look up, seeing nobody, maybe they're just clouds passing over the moonlight.

You shake your head, you're just paranoid.

Unbeknownst to you, Hobie's been circling around you like a predator hunting its prey.

Hobie's been watching over you everytime you go out, looking out for anybody who gets too close to you. He didn't like how that bartender stared at you all night. He'll handle that later.

You broke it off weeks ago, but he'll be damned if he actually honored it. He loves you too much to leave you on your own. You're too perfect for this shitty world, Hobie would rather burn the world down if it means he gets to be with you.

He watches you walk briskly, clutching your pepper spray, Hobie smiles to himself, he taught you well.

You finally reach your flat, unlocking the door quickly, you're still tipsy, fumbling with your key ring, you see a dark shadow on your peripheral making you screech, its white eyes staring at you, unmoving, its horn-like spikes shine under the moonlight. The rest of its tall body looks like the void, undescribable.

Is this it? The thing that Hobie warned you about? The reason why he's so protective of you?

Sweat drops from your forehead, despite the cold weather, you look back at your keys, finally finding the right one, you risk a peek over the dark form, finding the space empty.

You enter your home, breathless, locking your doors quickly, and double checking every bolt. You run towards your phone, debating whether to call Hobie or not.

Hobie doesn't like scaring you, but if it makes you rethink your choices and leads you back towards his embrace, then so be it.

Your hand shakes as you dial his number.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading ❤️

#request done #hobie brown x reader #spider punk x reader #spider punk #hobie brown #x reader #atsv fanfiction #spider man across the spider verse #the kr8tor's creations #hobie brown x gn!reader #spider punk x gn! reader #yandere!hobie brown #hobie brown x you #spider punk x you #yandere!spider punk #fanfic #atsv x reader

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cl0ckworkqueerness · 4 months

Text

[trigger warning: mention of sexual assault]

the specific breed of queer queerphobia is just as if not more frightening than non-queer queerphobia, specifically in this case as it relates to acespec/arospec people (terms which will hence be combined into "aspec" for the sake of clarity, see the tags for a quick note about this)

if it's not already clear from my posts, i am very supportive of the silenced, erased, and shunned parts of the queer community. i involve myself a great deal in breaking down the walls that queer people have decided to erect in order to determine who does and doesn't get to call themselves "queer". nothing breaks my heart more than seeing other people who experience the world in a way starkly different from perisex, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual people, get shunned from a family who also experiences the world in such a difference way, simply because it's not different "enough", or not different in the way they want to be different

aspec people will always unquestionably be queer, regardless of anything else that would or wouldn't make them queer. period.

aspec people should not and should never need to "justify" themselves to attend pride, not just "as an ally", but as someone whose relationship with romance and sex (the act) differs from what is expected of a "normal" person. they are inherently different, they are inherently queer. full stop.

aphobia exists, regardless of whether or not you follow your blatant bigotry with "no it doesn't". you cannot erase your shittiness by following up your shittiness with "by the way, I'm not being shitty". and if you know you are being aphobic, and you are proud of such a thing, rethink the way you see queerness as a whole. you are a vile human being, and should unlearn the oppression olympics. you not only are an athlete in it, but you are the obstacles. you are the fucking problem.

aspec people regularly face discrimination and harassment for being aspec. the comments of "why do you refuse to give me grandkids" and "maybe you just haven't found the right person yet" and "you're broken" and "you're going through a phase" have all been said about gay people, about lesbians, and about aspec people. aspec people face violence for being aspec. aspec people face corrective rape for being aspec. aspec people face crocodile tears claws that intend to "help", aspec people face blood and claws that intend to hurt, aspec people face real, visible hatred. and even if they weren't "oppressed enough", WHICH THEY UNDENIABLY ARE, 1) there isn't an oppression goal someone needs to hit to become valid, and 2) queer people should not be defined by the oppression we face, anyway.

"b-b-but what about cishet asexual people!!!" i have never seen a sentence less scary in my life. cishet people can be queer, you know? cishet people can be intersex (if they choose to identify as queer), cis people can be asexual and aromantic, pericishet people can in fact be demisexual and heteroromantic, and guess what? they're still queer. they still differ from what's "normal". they're still allowed to pride, because pride is not meant to gatekeep.

pride is meant to celebrate our differences, to fight against those who try to suppress us, and to unite those who feel crushed by the heel of normality.

so don't fucking do their job for them.

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victoirey · 1 year

Note

okay i just … REALLY fell head over heels for your lo’ak fic. it was beautifully constructed, seriously. and i cant help but request…….

a lo’ak fic where the reader and him usually playfully argue with each other. intimate moments are rare bc they think it’s “corny” (they’re really just in love with each other smh) but THEN one night the reader gets a nightmare about lo’ak and when she wakes up lo’ak notices her distress so he comforts her. then cute intimate moment leads to a love confession!

tysm ily and i love ur writing

♡. "a pair of saps." —

synopsis / three moments where you and lo'ak almost *were* , and the one moment you came to be.

gn!avatar!reader | this is more ?? chopped up mini fics that turn into a big fic ?? insanity is a social construct. thank u for requesting, I will not live up to your expectations! nonetheless, have this. thank u for being patient, love. @mylovelo-ak @loaqi for u two !!

I kinda DID NOT follow this req at all. and I'm so sorry about that /srs because I forgot you were requesting something specific HFNNDD

inseparable.

that's what you & lo'ak were.

dark & light , mischievous & mature , chaotic & calm . thats what you two were. opposites. you were even opposites when it came to being told you two were opposites, as you agreed— while lo'ak dug for information to prove that you weren't. he always ended up agreeing in the end, only to disagree once more when it was brought up again. contrasting personalities will somehow lead to contrasting opinions— say, human condiments — you preferred mustard, he preferred ketchup. that led to many heated debates, naturally— you'd get into playful catfights too! the occasional spar session does more good than it's credited for.

you argued for the smallest things, ketchup or mustard , ilu or tsurak , whether earth's leader was batshit crazy or just a small little guy trying to control his stupid warhungry humans. whatever it was, you argued. today, you were arguing about love. love was special to you. to you, he was love. he was everything you wished for, and it's weird you found everything you wished for in a stupid guy who throws himself into the most dangerous situations, but still. you realized you loved him , and suddenly everything was ... so much more crazy. you saw him everywhere. it was crazy. you were seconds away from slamming your head into a wall because you were left without supervision for too long and you started rethinking all your life choices , most especially who you loved most out of every being on Pandora. lo'ak.

it was him who brought up the idea of love being technically, silly. it was him who brought up the idea of love being unspecial. thus, the argument began.

"you are being unbelievably dramatic right now , y/n." he stated, pointedly. you jutted your bottom lip out into a pout, "love is special, lo'ak! it's sacred! don't you want to be held for once in your life?" you retorted.

"I've been held many times."

"yeah. as a baby."

"not true! jackass!"

"how could you call me that? wow! I'm so offended right now. your dad taught you better. oh yeah, your dad and your mom? relationship goals. I don't know how you don't want someone to love after seeing how they treat eachother."

"excuse you! mom tried to kill my dad when they first met!"

"it's peak enemies to lovers!"

"oh my god y/n— okay, maybe I shouldn't have let norm give you those human books."

"you know nothing of the blessings they are."

"you call them blessings? they're not blessed... they're more dumped into lukewarm water that someone thought was holy that ended up being an overhydrated person's piss."

that earned him a slap to the shoulder.

"ow! what the hell?!"

"you are an idiot."

"don't you agree with me atleast a bit though?"

"when have I ever agreed with you?"

"if neteyam has, you probably have."

"that's because neteyam is stupid sometimes."

he gasped , feigning offense at your insult— and then he froze. for a bit. you can only imagine what he was thinking then, because it looked like he was frantically searching for a comeback in his empty mind. then, he snapped his fingers and came up with one— a poorly executed, poor in general one. "you love someone, huh? that's why you think love is sooo special?"

"you lost the argument the moment you snapped your fingers."

"y/nnn! come on! indulge me!"

you looked at him and sighed. part of you was ... impatient. you wanted his heart, and you'd get what you want.

the other part was cowardly. not now. not yet, it screamed.

it seemed you agreed with the former.

"I don't love anyone. love is special because it's special, lo'ak."

"damn, and I thought I'd get to hear a human school girl rant about love. what a waste."

"you insufferable—"

lo'ak was sad.

it was undeniable, really. you read him like a book. if he was one, he'd be your favorite. his deep frown and sore eyes really sent a message— he was crying, the poor boy. it hurt you more than usual. maybe it was because of your newfound love for him that caused this extreme softness, whatever it was— you hated it. you hated the sap you were becoming. he was seated on his marui overlooking the sea alone and usually you'd skip over to him and cheer him up by jabbing at his dad or something — but right now, you wanted to hold him. you wanted to comfort him how lovers would comfort eachother. except you weren't lovers, but if you were— which you wish you were— you wouldn't be so hesitant to comfort him.

you thought of the human saying.

"YOLO."

comfort him it is then.

your steps were slow as your feet led you to him. he let you. he let you, and that meant so much to you. lo'ak only looked at the ocean as you sat next to him, placing your feet into the ocean aswell. you stayed in awkward silence for a bit, but at this point— everything has been awkward. you don't know if he has a gut feeling you like him, and you hope he doesn't, because he'd be right, but you can hope. coughing into your fist, you weren't good at comforting usually. you were better at.. well... tough love.

"...you got yelled at."

"oh, you heard? wow, that's nice. what about it?"

ouch, okay, quick with the venom in his voice. ouch.

"you bonded with the tulkun. the outcast or so they say—"

" you're not listening— he's not an outcast!"

" he's not, yeah, I just said that, skxawng." you interrupted him— which earned a glare. wow, this is going so well. he turned his face away from you, opting for the cold shoulder instead of communicating his struggles. you sigh, once again, tired at how sappy you've been and how sappy you're going to be.

"I listen, you know?" you started. your fingers crawled to lo'aks, and in a moment of desperation to cheer him up and maybe have him fall inlove with you, you place your palm over the back of his hand. "I listen to you. I listen to your every word, lo'ak." you continued. "I will always listen. you may think no one ever does but I do. I listen, and I'll keep listening — I'll keep being here for you, for as long as you'll have me." you gulped. "it's because I love you."

you don't say I love you to eachother.

as he recovered from his initial surprise, he laughed.

you don't say I love you to eachother, so as he replies with how he loves you too— you wonder if he's misinterpreted it.

he did.

he leaned into your shoulder and he misinterpreted your love, and as he responded with an "I love you—" followed by a "you're a good friend."

you can't help but keep your mouth shut, to bite the scream you're about to scream as you're pierced in the heart.

you keep quiet.

"I met somebody." lo'ak told you, pretty eyes shining as he looked at you. he met a girl, you thought. he probably met a girl. wow, girls actually want to meet him?? gnarly. you had to hear about this. still, even in your eagerness, you couldn't help but worry. you couldn't help but think, like a jealous middle schooler, 'oh no! lo'ak hates me and will forget about me in favor of this new girl!' and yeah— maybe that was a bit immature of your mind to make you think, but as you blinked & put on a smile for lo'ak— you excuse your conscience. you're so mature, so mature.

"wow, people want to talk to you?"

yet you're always in for a bit of fun. & fun is seeing his brows furrow in annoyance.

"all people want to talk to me, y/n— but I was talking about tsireya!"

"you mean the pretty girl leagues ahead of you?"

"just shut up and hear me out--"

"getting a bit defensive there."

"stoOooop!–"

you laughed at his whining tone, if anything — you thought , 'this is a good way to distract myself from my crippling insecurities about whether or not I am good enough for lo'ak both as a friend and potential suitor.' yes, it was, atleast, your mood dulled as the thought returned. all lo'ak could do was refuse to notice, and continue ranting about tsireya.

"and- and her eyes, y/n! oh, they're like little oases! they're wonderful!" her eyes are blue, and yours are not. "her smile reminds me of what it's like halfway through the eclipses everyday. her laugh ... is heavenly , y/n. she is eywa sent." lo'ak finished. he sighed, dreamily — resting his elbow on his thigh and his cheek on his palm. you nodded, biting your cheek.

you didn't know he could be this poetic.

you didn't care to know, unless he was spouting porms about you.

"you are sooo sappy..." you mutter, coming off a little irritated. he pauses. "I'm sorry, is there a problem with sappy?" you quirk an eyebrow up, metaphorical walls surrounding you in an attempt to hide the fact you were... just not feeling it today. you couldn't argue with lo'ak right now. not seriously. "there's no problem with sappy—" "no, I'm pretty sure there is one." "there isn't." "somethings wrong, y/n." "nothings wrong, lo'ak." "I disagree. what's up?" "nothing." "I'm serious, y/n." "nothings wrong!" "then why the fuck do you look three seconds away from crying whenever I mention tsireya? is there some type of inferiority complex shit going on here?"

he really shut you up with that one.

you gulped, "you got overwhelming..."

"how'd I get overwhelming? I was like ten sentences in..."

"everything just... started weighing down on me."

"what's everything?"

your mouth goes dry, and for a moment, you reconsider confessing again, "I..." you start,

but you can't seem to go past that letter. not with the words you wanted to, atleast.

"I think I'm a bit stressed."

lo'ak understands you, in some way. he feels the same feelings you feel.

just not the type of feelings you want.

"i don't know what to do, mom." you overheard lo'ak mutter, head resting on neytiri's lap. it wasn't often he'd go to his mother for advice. it wasn't often he'd be this eager , but as neytiri ran her fingers through lo'aks hair— she let out a quiet snicker. "you worry too much , and for the wrong things, ma'itan." she says, her voice a quiet whisper. you stand behind the tree. part of you would retreat, and give them privacy — but ... well— a secret between two will turn into a secret between three. "I worry for reasonable things. what if they don't... love me as much as I love them?" lo'ak suggested– the idea having been stuck in his head for centuries and centuries over— throughout all his other lives. neytiri flicks his forehead, giving an answer she thought was obvious, "then they are foolish."

damn right they are.

lo'ak let's out a quiet laugh at his mother's response. you, however, start nodding aggressively. neytiri hears you, and yet she doesn't bat an eye. she instead chooses to coax lo'ak into talking more about his secret sweetheart. "you talk of them, and yet not about them. I know next to nothing about y/n, lo'ak. and I've seen you with them all your life." you can only gasp, unintentionally loudly, hide, & hope they don't hear you. luckily, lo'ak goes on a rant about you— and that really leaves your loud gasp as nothing but a gust of wind. he talks to his mother about you, laughing and smiling while doing so. "and they're — and they're just so... dreamy, mom! they're like, everything I have ever wanted in a woman! one time, I talked about them to them themselves — and I basically replaced their name with tsireya's— and it worked! I got to ramble about them! I got to ramble about them! they're so cute!"

oh my fuck. everything is falling into place now.

while you space out, a twig snaps. lo'ak snaps his head into your tree. cautiously, he takes up his weapon— ready to risk it all for his mother, who stays there — knowing you mean no harm. when he finally approaches your tree, he sees you. and the knife is discarded immediately.

"oh my fucking — y/n, I didn't know you were a stalker—"

"I didn't know you liked me that way too."

oh my fuck. oh shit. oh my fuck. oh crap. oh horse shit. ohno.nononononononononononononononon- NO. NO- why are you panicking? he likes you back! maybe you're panicking because his mom is right there? no! she's retreated back into her hammock! so why the fuck are you so nervous?

"oh my fuck wait , too?? you like me too?" lo'ak exclaims, near off the hinges. you nod, panicky & extremely scared. he pauses for a bit, seemingly registering that information in his slow head— then he jolts up— "oh shit! MOM! I GOT MYSELF A MATE!" he screams, in a tone so enthusiastic you'd think that he had just successfully hunted a sturmbeest. you near faint at how he had referred to you— "MATE?!" "MATE!" he replies to your call, or what he thought was your call, happily. for the next fifteen minutes, as you sit there flabbergasted having just bagged a wonderful boyfriend, lo'ak is hopping all around you. he giggles, he smiles, he twirls you around, and he professes his love to you, in your face, finally— and he does that multiple times. you seem to have settled in with the fact that you were , basically , his now. and he was yours.

blinded by excitement was what you were.

screaming your lungs out was what you did.

only when neteyam personally came out of the marui did you truly get a taste of what real screaming was— you two ended up being scolded for being too loud. which is weird as neteyam was louder than you were.

"I AM... ON MY LAST STRAW WITH YOU TWO—"

that scolding was definitely a scolding. it was mean. it was loud. it was also full of funny faces that neteyam unintentionally made. it was , still however, a scolding.

a scolding that you & lo'ak walked out of, hand in hand & eyes on eachother— a smile on your faces as you talked of what you'd do next.

just a pair of saps.

.......

ugh, you guys are so sappy.

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peachblossomstudy · 1 year

Text

a guide to starting a studyblr —

by @peachblossomstudy

i’ve been in the studyblr community for many years now (just over four i think!), so i thought i’d make a post with all my advice for anyone lurking in the community thinking of getting more involved. of course i’m not the definitive authority on any of this, please take everything here as suggestions rather than rules!

what is a studyblr?

the term ‘studyblr’ has two meanings: (1) the tumblr community focused on studying, learning and productivity; (2) a blog about your experience as a student/with learning etc. having a studyblr is a fun way to share a love of learning with other, keep yourself accountable in school and find inspiration for notes or planner spreads.

the basics

so you’ve decided to take the plunge. where to start?

url - it’s a good idea to make your url study-themed in some way, whether it includes a variation of the word ‘study’ or references your favourite subject or something else to do with studying or productivity

theme - there are pretty much no rules about themes in the studyblr community! blogs of all themes and aesthetics can be studyblrs, though it may be easier to indicate what your blog is about with a study-related icon. alternatively, it’s quite popular to have picrews for icons to show a bit of personality.

i have made many different icon and header packs, which will be linked on my desktop theme soon!

the picrew i made my icon with is here

introduction post - start your blog with a little introduction about who you are (name or nickname, age if you feel comfortable, pronouns), what you study, any other fun information and maybe even tag some of your studyblr inspirations

content - people post lots of different types of content, including and not limited to:

pictures of their notes, planner or workspace - these are generally the most popular

advice posts made up of graphics

masterlists/masterposts based on different themes (e.g. language learning masterposts)

text-based advice posts (like this one!)

reblogs! the best way to show your love to everyone else in the community

growing your blog

now you’ve posted some content, and it’s time to explore the community a bit more. it goes without saying that growing on tumblr is more of an organic thing, and if you’re coming to studyblr purely for notes then you may want to rethink your reasons for joining the community. nevertheless, validation feels great, and so does making new friends!

try to post regularly - an active blog will always help new people find you, and regular posts will help keep followers engaged

post original content - posting something unique to you will give people a reason to follow you specifically, rather than the same reblogged posts being circulated

that being said, reblogging from others (bonus points for leaving nice messages in the tags!) is a great way to introduce them to your blog. if someone sees your url in their notes often, they’ll be more likely to have a look at your blog

don’t be afraid to interact - send someone a message, send them an ask, reply to their posts, add compliments in their tags! generally everyone in the studyblr community is super friendly and open to messaging, asks and making friends, so get stuck right in

my ask box is always open to new friends! <3

use tags - most studyblr have a tag that they track, and will usually go through and like/reblog any posts that use this tag. find out what tags your favourite blogs track and use them on your posts to help them get seen

i track (very sporadically at the moment) the tag #heypeachblossom

other

now you’ve established yourself, there are lots of other things to do on studyblr! here are some ideas:

get involved in challenges - there are many different challenges to participate in. popular ones include the 100 days of productivity challenge, and the lovely @/myhoneststudyblr has many previous studying challenges you could complete. if you’re into reading, sabrina @/bulletnotestudies and the studyblr w/ knives discord server have lots of great themed reading challenges

participate in events - over the year some blogs will run events such as secret santas or secret admirers, which are really cute and fun to do. this february i ran the @studyblrsecretvalentines, and i’m hoping to do it again in 2023.

play ask games and tag games with your friends - this is a great way to get to know more people and have some fun!

resources

finally, here are a few useful tips/resources for the more practical side of running a studyblr

your queue is your best friend - you can run up a huge queue of reblogs to keep your blog active during busy study times

i personally use the mobile app snapseed to edit my photos for original content, and find it works really well

canva.com is a great online, free editing program - i use it to make all the graphics for my post header and advice posts

my header and icon packs (that i’ve tagged correctly) are here! i have made other packs, though they’ll have to be found through my archive, sorry

momentum is a popular desktop extension in the studyblr community

lots of people also use forest (or flora, which is free) for cute focus timers

this has turned into a bit of a monster post, but i hope if you’ve read this far that you found it useful! feel free to tag me in your introduction posts, and see you around studyblr <3

#peachblossomstudy #studyblr #myhoneststudyblr #bulletnotestudies #learnelle #problematicprocrastinator #studying #how to start a studyblr #a level studyblr #student #studyspo #uni #study #starting a studyblr #study advice

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cerise-on-top · 5 months

Note

Could you write hcs for Nikolai and price with a shy s/o pls & ty

Yeah, of course! Though, I think reader is a bit more anxious than shy in this one, but what is shyness if not anxiety regarding social situations that isn't debilitating? Thanks for requesting!

Price and Nikolai with a Shy!Reader

Price: While I do believe that he thinks shy people aren’t his type, valuing someone who can stand up for themselves, speak their mind and aren’t afraid to be a bit more honest than they maybe should be, the heart chooses who it chooses. He values open and honest communication with his partner more than anything else, but when it seems like you can’t talk to him, no matter how much time he gives you, he rethinks his strategies. Since being stern with you only seems to make you more nervous, more apprehensive, he’d opt for being more gentle, always asking your honest opinion. He might ask further questions, though, if he thinks that the answer he received from you is a bit too short or barely, if at all, reflects what you’re likely thinking and you simply don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sure, he may be a natural leader, so having someone agree with you for once feels good, but having someone give you a piece of their mind, giving you a different point of view so you can see the faults and flaws in your plans, is essential for good workmanship. Price values you and your input, if he has to coax you into giving him a longer, more subjective answer, then he will. A relationship can only really work if both parties are trying to keep it upright in a healthy manner.

While he’ll try to get you to open up in any gentle way he can think of, if the two of you are on an outing, then he’ll speak to the other party for you if you really can’t reply. Price is a good speaker, he knows which words are appropriate in which situation. With his confidence as well, he can cover most conversations for you. However, I can see him trying to make you a part of it anyway, regardless of whether you’re talking to your friend or his working colleague. Being included in a conversation can feel nice, after all. Besides, it might help you in getting out of your shell a bit. Despite absolutely hating making decisions for you, if you really can’t decide on something small, such as which burger to get or whether or not you should buy that lovely sweater, he’ll take the burden off of you if there are people around. But on bigger things that have a greater impact on your life he’ll simply consult you, give you all the potential outcomes he can think of and which effect they may have. It’s not his place to take your life into his hands like that.

Shyness can stem from insecurities, and he can tell when you’re not happy with yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re beating yourself up over having said something stupid in a conversation earlier that day or if you think you’re not worth listening to or having around, he’ll reassure you that it’s quite alright. Hell, if you’re willing to listen to him, he’s more than happy to tell you an anecdote or two about how he has slipped up when talking to his superiors. It happens to anyone, and by tomorrow that person probably won’t even remember what you said anyway. Unless he had trouble following you or didn’t understand what you meant clearly, Price won’t call you out on not having made complete sense either since he knows you might not take kindly to it, but he’d never make fun of you for misspelling any word, mixing things up or, well, not making sense. Sure, severe misinformation he will correct you on if it can greatly impact something, but not if you have a hard time speaking with correct grammar or pronouncing words perfectly.

Nikolai: Nikolai has met so many people in his life, he can get along just fine with just about anyone, especially because of his relaxed mannerisms. You being shy really isn’t a turn off at all, it can make for amusing scenarios at times. If you get flustered easily he’ll have a field day with that. You start stuttering? You blush? Say some nonsense while your mind is going haywire? That��s so adorable. While he’ll try to not overdo it and keep you comfortable, he does want to have his fun from time to time. If you don’t want to voice your opinion, that’s fine, but he will always ask you for your input. Even if you’re not a fan of saying anything with other people around, if it’s just the two of you, and you’re more willing to talk that way, then he’ll whisk you away. You don’t wanna say what you think in fear of him judging you? He will tell you that it’s alright, regardless of what it is, because truth be told, he’s probably heard far worse things than your opinion on the borschtsch he made. He’s observant enough to know when you’re lying to him in order to not make him mad, but won’t continuously poke and prod at you to have you spill the beans eventually. He’ll ask again once, but if you still won’t budge, then he won’t force anything out of you.

Because of him leading a private military company, he also knows a thing or two about how to engage in a conversation and keep it going for a while. If you want to say something, then you’re more than welcome to do so, but he knows that a shut mouth catches no flies. Yes, he might ask you a thing or two that he might not immediately remember off the top of his head, but if you don’t wanna come out of your shell then he won’t force you to. If you do wanna be more open, however, then it’s different. In that case, he’ll try to include you in the conversations that aren’t too taxing and give you some practice on being more open and social. Like Price, however, he won’t make every decision for you. He doesn’t have the time for that, plus you have enough autonomy like that. However, he is more than happy to call the pizza place you usually order from or tell the waiter at the restaurant what you’d like, that’s not a problem in his eyes. If you find yourself growing increasingly uncomfortable in a situation, Nikolai will get you out of there. He’s just as good at making any conversation end on a pretty good note.

If your shyness stems from insecurities then he, too, will reassure you that you didn’t mess up that badly. No one ever listened to what you had to say? Unless you’re both starting to talk at the same time, he won’t ever interrupt you, giving you his full attention instead. What you say doesn’t make any sense? Mixed up some information? Nikolai might chuckle a bit if you say something along the lines of monkeys liking bananas because they’re both yellow, he’ll gently correct you too, but he won’t be mean about it. Not everyone can remember everything all the time, he forgets things too. Besides, it’s not like he cares all that much. Sure, you said some nonsense, but he can also assure you that he’s heard far worse things. Can and will tell you some anecdotes about what he’s been told as well, there are quite a lot. If you don’t take too kindly to him smiling about something nonsensical, he’ll apologize. Trust me, if you’re upset, he’ll know immediately.

#cod #cod x reader #john price x reader #price x reader #john price #cod nikolai #cod nikolai x reader #i still remember when my mother used to call me an “extremely shy person”#the first time I went to therapy the therapist told my mother and me that it sounded more like pretty bad social anxiety #I still think about that from time to time #so this is sort of based on my experiences with potential social anxiety #because apparently freezing up in fear when talking to a stern stranger apparently isn't normal #though in hindsight I talked to someone who wasn't stern or mean either and I sort of froze up as well #well c'est la vie I suppose

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aristre · 1 year

Note

bbg did you miss me <3 can you write me some cute high school sweetheart headcanons for gojo, geto, and megumi? thanks bbg <3

babygirl i miss u 24/7. i will write u those headcanons u wanted. come see.

high school sweetheart headcanons for gojo, geto, and megumi

satoru gojo

first of all -- congrats! he's genuinely interested in you and you've been in his life early enough that he'll take you seriously!

expect his faux clingy ass to be around you 24/7, always poking his head out of the corner the moment you think he's finally gone. notice i say faux; at first, when his interest is mild enough initially, he's only following you around and making a nuisance of himself because it's easy.

you didn't think he actually cared, did you? at this stage he'll put on a show of neediness. no matter how seriously you take him or flippantly you disregard him, you're worth saving if it's easy and leaving behind if it's not.

but one day you'll prove his waning interest wrong, and suddenly he will rethink his entire perspective on you. this is where your relationship will truly open up and when you're looking at the board in class or sleeping away, he'll be looking right at you with his six eyes. congrats and condolences.

you really can't get rid of him now. before, he'd leave if you made a show of asking, but now he'll laugh and cling tighter. make no mistake, he'll still suddenly leave. but he'll be right back before long, your personal leech and your personal plight.

it's a good thing, very good thing, that you love him. one day in the future the two of you will be pulled apart by circumstance and the absence of a precious friend, entangled yet disjointed, but today you and him will play a prank on the principal and laugh, laugh, laugh all the way from the rooftops.

suguru geto

i guarantee you he will treat you better than gojo. it's not that gojo doesn't know how to read the mood when you're mad or doesn't know the right words to coax you out of your anger, but unless it's life or death he'll laugh it off. geto will not.

geto will conduct your relationship with care and genuinity. he'll sneak out of class with you and take you to shibuya and ginza, wherever you feel like going. he'll offer to carry your bags and tell you that you look nice.

you'll get your fair share of teasing from gojo and shoko, but he'll turn to you and grin, and you'll grin right back. he's the type that would act all fancy and hold his hand out for you like a prince hoping for a dance and escort you back to the dorms.

he's not much of a clingy type, but he's always up to hang out and do something together. whether it be trips out or movies in the room together, he's always ready to put his all into the moment.

when you get stuck on the homework he's always ready to explain it to you, and you assume it's his natural genius until one day you stumble upon him glaring at the textbook, ruffling his hair in frustration as he teaches himself before he can teach you. gojo thinks it's hilarious. shoko thinks it's hysterical. you think it's cute and never tell him you know -- you ask him more questions and delight in the way he patiently runs you through the material.

i'm just imaging the two of you in the library together, you scowling at the homework and geto scowling too when he thinks you're not looking. maybe you do reveal to him you know. he'll look up at you, eyes wide, and then laugh. we're a pair of idiots, aren't we? he'll say, and you'll agree, and the two of you will go ask gojo how to do the work. he'll be utterly unhelpful, by the way, so the two of you have to ask shoko in the end.

and one day, in a future that feels so distant, geto will leave you behind in pursuit of a future he alone sees. he will love you, but he won't want you to be wanted and torn from the school that raised you. the next time you see him will be at the jujutsu high incident. i still love you, you'll tell him. with a sad smile he'll say, is that so? and that's the last you'll hear from him.

megumi fushiguro

we've been downed enough by gojo and geto right? let's talk about megumi! megumi, gumi, goomi, my little sweet precious darling angel babygirl blorbo man. incredibly earnest. loves you dearly, even if he doesn't say a word. he's just nervous!

pays a lot of attention to the little details, and terrible at actually saying it. you've been hunching over all day? he passes you some painkillers during lunch break. you're frowning at your exam papers? he shows up at your dorm with his notes and a pencil to coach you.

the cutest thing ever is that he will awkwardly go to yuuji and nobara and ask what you like. where you would want to go for a date. and yuuji and nobara will completely, utterly, totally unsubtly ask you, and it's not like it's for megumi or anything. megumi pops a blood vessel. he will still take you on that date and if you choose to confront him, he will begrudgingly admit that yes, he was asking yuuji and nobara.

also his hands sweat a little. not enough to be gross but because he's so nervous. he will not look your way for the first twenty minutes of holding your hand because he's so flustered, but if you so choose to go, megumi, can't you look this way? he will slowly meet your eyes and immediately turn away after.

he remembers all your anniversaries. it's not like he's writing them down on his calendar app or anything. he's not, okay? and it's not like his google search history is what to get your significant other for anniversary, date locations in tokyo, best restaurants in tokyo or anything, okay?

he doesn't always get everything right on the first try. he's bad at expressing his feelings, and if the two of you fight he'll give you enough distance to make you think he's moved on without you. but he always listens diligently to what you have to say. sometimes, you think, no one cares more about keeping your relationship going than him.

#satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #geto suguru #suguru geto #suguru x reader #geto x reader #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #jjk x reader #x reader #reader insert #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #headcanon #writing

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fairycosmos · 2 months

Note

i don't have anyone so a stranger feels better but i think im going to kill myself soon. i don't see myself living anymore. everything is so doom and gloom

hey i'm so sorry to hear this and i get it 100%. i understand that clichéd words of comfort often ring hollow during times like these, so i won't just spout off empty platitudes. honestly i genuinely empathise with what you're going through and i totally recognising that words can't alleviate the overwhelming turmoil you're experiencing. it's so difficult to be in this headspace day after day, and it's completely understandable to feel drained/on the verge of giving up. existence can be exhausting and sometimes that's just all there is to it.

nevertheless, i hope you're able to reconsider eventually. i hope you're able to get to a place where you're able to see that your current mental state may not accurately reflect reality. your mind may be distorting your perceptions and endlessly catastrophising, as is common w suicidal ideation. it's important to realise that the intensity of these emotions is temporary and doesn't inherently define your future. i know that doesn't ring true right now but it is not impossible that it will eventually. while it might sound trite, reaching out to someone—a friend, your gp or a hotline—can offer the support you need not to suddenly and magically get better, but to safely collapse without harming yourself until you feel ready to stand up again. i'm not suggesting it as a simple or easy solution, but rather as a reminder that you don't have to face this alone. you still have options, even if it feels like you're trapped.

whether you need to cry, vent, distract yourself or just rest, it's all valid. take things moment by moment; that's all that's required of you right now. your presence is so so noticed and your safety is so important. If you feel like you're at risk, please prioritise getting to a secure location and reaching out to someone, even if it means overriding the current impulses of your own mind. you're not alone, and there are so many ways to begin confronting these feelings of suicidal ideation head-on without having to hurt yourself to do so - finding the root causes of why you feel this way, building a routine based off of healthier coping mechanisms, verbalising what's going on in your brain - it all helps. your brain is going to register it as bullshit at first, and that's alright. it's not a cure, and i understand that it's tiring to have to keep trying when it's the last thing in the world you want to do. but it'll give you some space between the intensity of your thoughts and your emotions. with time, it'll make it so that you're able to live a full and manageable life alongside the depression. there's no timeline for it, and it's a lifelong project, which i know isn't ideal. i just think you deserve to give yourself some grace and some time. please, take care of yourself and at least consider rethinking what you're saying to me. i care about you and will be here if you need to talk or anything. please visit the resources below if you feel like you're at your wits end and don't know what else to do. even if they're of no help to you right now, maybe you could come back to them some time. sending a big hug. x

international suicide hotlines / coping with suicidal thoughts pdf / creating a crisis plan / suicidal ideation coping skills / suicidal ideation coping skills 2

#anon #tw suicide

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meidnightrain · 5 months

Text

NEW ROMANTICS - beidou

summary: after a breakup, a night out with your drinking buddy and crux captain makes you realise maybe life isn’t as cruel as you thought

warnings: reader is gn, featuring ningguang

notes: day 16 and the last day for the main tracks! i tried to end it off strong for this one before i’d move on to the angstier ones to come so i hope this uplifts your spirits!

taglist (open): @staretes , @rynnlvrs , @sentifua , @i-probably-sleep-too-much , @reilly34 , @qqingque , @akutasoda , @mhiieee , @starryshinyskies , @kazemiya , @pix-stuff , @inscaraithrust

drinking your heart out with beidou wasn’t an uncommon experience for the both of you. the captain could handle her liquor fairly well and well, drinking was a good way to get over a breakup, wasn’t it?

but the mug of beer in your hand stayed full through the entire night, there was something about beidou that you’ve never seen about. not that she was gorgeous or that she could come off as boisterous, you’d established that upon your first encounter.

“we’re all just bored, we’re all so tired of everything.” you had murmured, a thoughtful look crossing your face. was it because that when you were both young, you’d feel this urge to try something new all the time? you’d wait for boats that weren’t coming, show off your different scarlet letters and compare which one was better.

you were young, but you were on the road to ruin. no matter how hard you’d try to play dumb, you knew what exactly you were doing and the consequences of your actions whether it be good or bad. and when you’d cry tears of mascara in the bathroom at every challenge that life had thrown at you, you’d bounce back stronger.

“honey, life is just a classroom. you learn every step of the way. heartbreak is a part of the experience,” drawled ningguang, a smirk on her lips as she twirled pieces of jade in between her gold covered fingernails.

“you know, i could build a classroom out of all the bricks they throw at me. ningguang included but it’s more of taxes than bricks.” the pirate captain laughed heartily, slamming the bottom of her mug on the table, ningguang rolling her eyes at beidou’s words.

“every day is like a battle, but every night with the both of you is like a dream.” you nodded along to the captain’s words, following what she was trying to say.

living it out in the big city of liyue harbor with nothing but your heart in your hands and a dream, the lights and noise could be blinding at times. you’d wait finding love out, it was all in the timing anyway. it was like playing poker in a way, they’d never it in your face but you were about to play your ace. every heartbreak meant to break you down could never tarnish your wild youth.

“think about it, do you need love? or is all you want danger?” beidou continued, taking your full cup and swapping it for her empty one. it looked like she was doing all the drinking today.

she was right. you’d team up and switch sides like a record changer. the rumors that people would spew out of their mouths like poison would be terrible and cruel but then again, most of them were true. you wanted to feel young and free, not tied down by any chains.

wasn’t it weird that such things that could make you rethink what you’ve gone through, would be said by a half-drunk beidou? you were about to reply until she suddenly grabbed your hand, much to your shock and amusement of ningguang.

now seeing life in a new light, the rose tinted glasses you had now were off and you could see the bright lights illuminating the city at night from the view of the jade chamber. and all you could see was beidou’s flushed face in front of yours, taking your hand and leading you into a dance to the background music that was playing faintly, you being louder than the melodies of the song. hear nothing but the roar of your hearts and the amused chuckle from ningguang as she nursed her glass of wine.

you were young and you should be celebrating every moment you had. heartbreak is the national anthem and you’d sing it proudly cause you were both too busy dancing to knocked off your feet by whatever was thrown at you with the intent to get you down. right now, you’d enjoy life, make memories and dance like no one was watching.

because the best people in life like your friends, was free.

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#🕊️ - 1989 event #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x gn reader #genshin x gn reader #beidou x reader #beidou x you #🪧 - event: 1988 #🗞️ - genshin impact fics

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drdemonprince · 10 months

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Heyyyy. I just had an unsettling thought. So I’ve been learning about the oxygen of amplification and thinking about whether I’ve been giving “free food” to bigots by paying too much attention to the wrong things.

You’ve written about being “a vault” being a benefit especially when it comes to health care, and lying to employers, and, basically, intentionally using masking to get ahead.

Over the past five or so years, I have tended to go in a different direction - being more vocal about my disabilities and the disabilities of others, in the hope that I’m being an advocate for awareness and acceptance. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m “brave” for behaving that way and it always confuses me, because it’s easier for me to be honest than it is for me to lie or hide the truth.

But I am reminded of being on a conference call with the California board of law examiners (the people who make the bar exam for California) at the start of the pandemic. I spoke on the call about how law school makes people (if I remember correctly) as much as three times more likely to be depressed between the time they enter and the time they leave. There’s additional context here that I could add but I’m not sure if it’s necessary.

Anyway, while I was speaking, one of the people on the board (at least, my colleagues and I were pretty sure it was) very loudly yelled at me to “FUCK OFF.”

I wonder if disabilities are something, unlike other categories of oppressed people, where the more evidence you provide that we are human and deserving of accommodations, the more bigots get pissed off and want to deny us those accommodations. Because they think our disability inherently makes us undeserving.

I think, because I’m in a position of privilege economically (and my family culture isn’t particularly tumultuous), I get into this moral headspace where I think, okay, maybe others have to lie to get ahead. But if, because of my unique set of circumstances, I don’t have to lie to get head, isn’t it my duty not to?

I actually think I wrote a paper about that in law school. Maybe I’ll try to dig that up and we what I had to say.

But now I’m wondering if I’m just making things worse by being so vocally honest. Giving ammo to judgmental people who will hold what I say against people who are not as fortunate as I am.

You’ve also spoken about how you’ve become less of an advocate and I wonder if this sort of thing factors in to that decision.

Yeah for me, it's about developing a greater sense of tactics.

Most people are not persuaded by data or objective information. Most people do not have coherent or consistent political ideologies, either (see Phillip Converse's groundbreaking work on nonattitudes -- most people, when asked about a political topic, will just make up an opinion on the spot based on what they've heard most recently, and that opinion will not remain consistent). There's a robust research literature attesting to this. I abandoned the field of political psychology because the research on fostering attitude change and open-mindedness is so dismal.

Instead, what most people find the most compelling is a combination of emotional appeals, social pressure, and their own material, economic self-interest.

What this means is that a great many people will not be moved by additional information on a topic, until it becomes economically costly or socially perilous for them not to rethink it, and even then, they might just dig in their heels if they've already incurred losses in order to justify the pain they've been in. It also means that if someone has an ignorant perspective and no desire to change it, well, you talking more isn't going to change their perspective, but they will try to shut you up so that it doesn't change anybody else's.

The liberal perspective on change is a highly individualistic one. Disabled people are supposed to share our stories, victims of sexual assault are supposed to name our abusers, fat people are supposed to just feel more positively about themselves, Black and brown people are supposed to spell out to us white people exactly what we should do to guarantee their liberation, but only in a very gentle tone, and everybody, everywhere, is on the hook for fixing the injustice of their own social position.

This is a perspective on change that employers, governments, and institutions benefit from us believing in, because it keeps us busy showing off our vulnerabilities and behaving as individuals, rather than pooling our power and demanding something better for all of us collectively.

And this individualistic approach is of course is never how change actually happens. The federal government didn't suddenly start unrestricting access to AIDS meds because some individual gays came forward and told very persuasive stories about their battles with the disease. ACT UP activists crowded federal offices and covered politicians' homes in giant condoms and marched AIDS victims' corpses down the street.

Sickle cell anemia did not become a subject of medical research because Black patients individually shared their stories of the disease. The Black Panthers created their own health clinics to test for the disease and educate the public about it, and they also gave out free childcare and food, and the federal government found this so threatening they began taking sickle cell seriously themselves so that more people wouldn't go running to a communist, anti-racist group.

The ADA didn't pass because disabled people made ourselves vulnerable, it passed because we made ourselves strong, clawing our way together up the statehouse steps and blocking traffic with wheelchairs during rush hour.

We've been propagandized by capitalist individualism and representation politics to believe the most empowering thing a marginalized person can do is stand solidly as a single person. But it's not true. In fact, some of the steps we take to broadcast our marginal status and tell our stories makes us more vulnerable in the end.

Many companies now encourage their disabled employees to come out and be proud of their status, for instance. I've given workshops at companies like that. At every single one, I've later heard from Autistic and ADHDer employees that the second they actually identified themselves publicly, it became a target on their back. They were scrutinized, denied accommodations, pushed out of the office, threatened with their boss calling 911 on them, forced to quit.

The real way to make a change happen is through organized, collective power, not through personal vulnerability, individual pride or sharing every last drop of energy that we have educating people who have a vested interest in not understanding our concerns. Winning the hearts and minds of the ones in control is not the answer. We must organize to take control.

I've done all kinds of activism all my life since I was fourteen years old, from phone banking to voter registration drives to jail support to writing my congress people and more, and much of it was a waste of my time. It was designed to waste my time, to convince me that by being a good little boy and playing within the system I would be freed, when really I needed to be joining forces with other people to dismantle it. That's the way forward, that's truly what I believe now.

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