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#which. does not help sun's conflicting feelings either LOL
starheirxero · 4 months
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Hi hello I know this is my second ask today but I've been doodling during lectures and I'm infected with brain rot so-
question about your sunvent, does he view himself above or below the others in the kingdom? does he view himself as a suffering for his savior high priest who has been blessed with the right to care for a god? or an unworthy servant who was just (un)lucky to work in a castle?
also, how would eclipse feel if he found out sunvent was treated better or worse by the kingdoms inhabitants? Would he laugh if they belittle him, would be praised by them treating him like a high figure? have there been executions for treason because someone tried to spread rumors about the castles faithful librarian?
I don't have inbox rent yet but I'm drawing it while in chemistry.
Fun fact! all substances have a mixture of pressure and temperature where they are simultaneously gas, liquid, and solid!
WEEEE YAAYYYYY !!!!
1) He views himself as equal to the others!! He knows that he is typically regarded as a higher being, like he's some sort of link between themselves and Lord Eclipse, but he can't bring himself to share to sentiment much.
1.5) Kiiinda both??? and more??? His feelings of his position can change wildly at any moment because of his own feelings + what Lord Eclipse tells him his feelings should be (which can also change depending on how he's trying to make Sun feel), so it's a messy tangle of "I'm the perfect servant, I'm the only one who can care for our lord, I have been chosen and I have to make sure I don't make Him regret it" and "I'm just a mortal. I'm just another face in the crowd. I don't know what I'm really doing here, but fuck, I'll do it I guess."
2) OOOO THIS IS A VERY FUN QUESTION EHEHSJAHSHA!!!!
I think if Sun was treated better? Lord Eclipse would not be thrilled about that. He'd get jealous and view it as heresy, going out of hiding way to plant ideas in his followers mind's that Sun isn't as sweet and perfect as he seems. Sun is not the lord of this realm, he does not need to be the favored of the two.
If Sun was treated worse? I think he'd find it funny until it started to affect Sun's ability to serve. Like, small jabs and taunts or even like people tripping or bumping into him? I think Lord Eclipse would be like teehee. thats what u get. idiot. and then once Sun's bad mental health starts to distract him from tasks or someone actually injures him, I think he'd take matters into his own hands.
I don't think anyone has been executed...... but I kinda want there to be now HEJAHAJD
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sneezemonster15 · 8 months
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Hi. First, I love your posts and sns fandom is lucky to have you. Second, what do you think of the Naruto and Deku comparisons? The sasunaru and bakudeku comparisons. It always felt like there was no romantic subtext in the second dynamic.
Hi, thank you for such kind words. :)
SNS and BakuDeku comparisons are merely superficial in nature. Bakugou and Deku are nothing like Sasuke and Naruto, characterwise. Bakugou and Deku are simply buddies and rivals, you are right, there is no romantic subtext. In fact, it's so silly Bakugou is compared with Sasuke. Just because he is the protag's rival doesn't make him like Sasuke. Bakugo is hot headed, loudmouthed, and a bully. Sasuke is calm and composed and graceful. When he sees others bullying kids, he defends the kids. Like he did when Gaara and his siblings first arrived in Konoha for chuunin exams. Bakugou takes pleasure in being a nuisance lol. It's Todoroki who reminds me of Sasuke in fact, their personalities are similar. Sasuke's past is certainly much darker as compared but disposition wise, they are similar.
Naruto and Deku couldn't be more different. That they are both underdog protags doesn't make them similar. They will share some superficial similarities since they are both shounen protags so they will have character traits such as being hard working and ambitious, they will be the fated ones to resolve their world's conflicts, they would generally get along with people, inspire them, be selfless and have empathy. But that's pretty much about it.
Naruto in fact is an instinctive fighter, Deku is more analytical, he needs to consciously learn how to fight. They both work hard but their fighting styles and motivations are different. Naruto's goal is to be acknowledged so he doesn't feel ostracized, Deku wants to be a hero so he could be like All Might. Deku doesn't have Naruto's past, and one's past determines what kind of a person they will become. Their situations are different. Naruto is who he is because he is an orphan who never had the love or care of a family, not the case with Deku. He has a loving and supportive mum. Deku doesn't have Naruto's struggles, he also grew up in a largely peaceful society, Naruto grew up as an undesirable, his society actively kept him out of their circles. What does Deku know about that? Deku had friends growing up, he was part of a group, even if he was the quirkless loser in it. Naruto had no one. Naruto is guided by his emotions, Deku is guided by his ambition. His emotions are tied up in his ambition, Naruto's emotions are tied up with his tragic past. Naruto is a nuanced character who is struggling with his sexuality in a mindfully established heteronormative world, Deku is a straight dude who is having a typical cutesy high school het romance with a girl in a taken for granted het world. Where is the dilemma, where is the struggle, where is the anxiety, where is the rage? Deku is a pretty vanilla character, there aren't many layers to him, unlike Naruto. He is a mousy dude who largely conforms to society, Naruto is a non conformist (ending not considered), he is reactive and acts with his heart on his sleeve. Naruto was institutionally ostracized which shaped his personality, he became destructive and carried a lot of resentment for a long time, Deku is initially just a quirkless loser who doesn't have any resentment or darkness in his heart, he just wants to become strong so he could fight like All Might and have the glory bestowed on him, number one hero who helps people.
Honestly these comparisons are so shallow, it is clear they are made by fans who don't understand either one's character. Typical fandom stuff. Yes, I will say that Togata seems like a tribute to Naruto. Energy and design wise ie, also Togata is referred to as the shining sun, a good natured guy who wants to help people at the expense of his own life. And even though Amajiki is nothing like Sasuke characterwise, their designs (hair) and colour palettes are very similar. Togata and Amajiki are very close friends as well. Though there's no gay subtext.
Bnha is not dark and contemplative like Naruto and Shippuden, their world building is different. So naturally, their protags will be designed accordingly.
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throttlegainwell · 8 months
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For the fanfic ask game, 🌞 and 🌈 (for already wise, already worn, which is my personal favorite).
Thank you so much! That's so sweet. I'm actually really fond of already wise, already worn, so that's so cool to hear!
🌈 What inspired you to write [insert fic here]?
Sorry it got so long! But here we go, under the cut.
[CW for implied/referenced sexual trauma]
So for already wise, already worn, I really wanted to show some of the internal processes that both help and hinder Jonathan. He's got trauma on trauma on trauma, some of them very big and dramatic and some of them more subtle or that he's maybe conflicted about; they intertwine and can't be neatly separated, for the most part. But he's also got a life, and he can't really afford to just not be functional, most of the time. He keeps moving. There is no real before and after for him because what he's got going on is a case of well-aged C-PTSD. It's shaped his thinking and how he handles things. And all of that would have been true even if when there's fire on the ground hadn't happened. But you can't really neatly slot most coping mechanisms into "healthy" and "unhealthy" boxes or say what's good or bad, categorically. It's much more complicated than that.
The other stories show what's happening generally, but I wanted to look at what he's doing. His strategy of "maybe if I have enough sex that I actually enjoy, I can forget what happened" doesn't pan out, but it was still proactive and shows a real thought process, you know? His "I just won't think about sex at all until I'm in a safer place" doesn't end up really working out either. But he's still trying. He's very much active in this; he's not passively accepting it or ignoring it and hoping for the best. He's absorbing, thinking, testing, evaluating, and readjusting all the time. Lots going on in there, lots of moving parts. It's pretty exhausting for him.
But I also wanted to show how the traumas (especially but not exclusively the rape) affect his developing sexuality, particularly as a queer guy who's very intentionally rejecting the toxic gender bullshit his dad has harmed him with but who still lives in this society--and as one whose experience of sexuality may look different from what he's been led to believe is the norm (like how he has a sex drive but not a particularly high one, and he's not getting crushes on people like it feels as though everyone around him is). This particular trauma gets into a lot of areas--his self-esteem and self-image, the way he relates to others, what he wants and the desires he allows himself to acknowledge. It's deeply internal and messy in a way that's very different from the rest of the series. I wanted to really get into his head and show him navigating this incredibly messy, painful reality that he has to reckon with during a really critical developmental point.
And that's a delicate balance, between allowing that space for his pain and maintaining that pragmatic kind of endurance the way he does. He's aware that a lot of what he's experienced isn't okay, and to a large extent, he's also aware that it's affecting him and how, but, like, what's he supposed to do about that? He's just trying to live his life. This is the best he can do with the tools he has. So it's not something that he buried, just something that he never really shares and doesn't know how to talk about. But it's there.
Basically, I wanted to talk about Jonathan's sexuality and I wanted to explore the more subtle or weirder ways in which trauma can leave its marks and insinuate itself into a person's life, and how he feels about it/conceptualizes it--to show his agency in this. I wanted to show his joy in exploring his sexuality, tentative though it sometimes is, and I wanted to temper that with the hurdles he encounters. I wanted to show how all of those things converge and interact.
(Sorry, lol, I can't quite tell which question the sun emoji corresponds to.)
Thanks for the ask! This was a really fun one.
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rainy-astrology · 2 years
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SF9 Dawon birth chart analysis
Based on my opinion and observations. Not a professional. May change later.
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July 24th, 1995
Ilsan, SK
11 am
Big 3: ☀️♌️, 🌙♊️, ⬆️♎️
10th house placements make him image and work oriented (Sun, Mercury, and Venus). Dawon knows how to be interesting and entertaining, his Venus especially makes him really charming and likeable. Considering he's a Libra rising, he can really put up a fun front just for the public. The other members have mentioned how different Dawon is off camera, which doesn't surprise me at all. Libra rising + Gemini moon = 2 faced energy. I have no doubts Dawon is naturally funny and entertaining - air placements are genuinely funny - but he likely plays it up more just for the camera
Leo sun at 0°...0° is about renewal and pure energy of that sign, so having to relearn the sign sort of...and maybe that's why Dawon's confidence fluctuates. Leos are known for their expression and confidence, but Dawon seems to lack a bit of it at times. Leos do have a tendency to put a confident face to cover up their insecurity. He also seems to care a lot about other's opinions about him and may mold his personality a bit to live up to those ideals (especially as a Libra rising too...). However, a developed Leo should just be able to express healthily and be unafraid to be themselves; they see no need to live to other's standards bc they are their own standard. He does have the hype man energy of one though lol he's always encouraging and supportive of the other members. I've read that 0° can also absorb other traits of the sign before it, which may be why Dawon has so much Cancer energy too
Lowkey kinda terrible with dealing with his emotions lol. Gemini moons never seem to know what to do with their feelings so they either A) talk it out and go on a long tangent or B) try to be rationalize them bc they don't like feeling them. Especially with Moon square Saturn, it makes him withhold his feelings due to feeling ashamed of them. The other members have mentioned how sensitive and emotional Dawon really is, but he always tries to deny it. He also said it himself during a Vlive that he's the type to keep his feelings to himself
Saturn in 6th places a lot of importance on his health. He works out like crazy and often talks about caring for his health and others' health (e.g nagging Chani a lot to gain weight). His chart is dominated by Saturn in general, so he's really critical of himself and very disciplined. He seems really restrictive when it comes to emotions and himself. Is kind of stubborn too
Dislikes conflict, probably passive aggressive (Mars Libra in 12th). Mars opp Saturn seems to hint at slight issues with anger. Due to his repressive nature, doesn't always express it or does but in an unhealthy way. Physical exercise helps with this a lot, so it could be one of the reasons why he works out so often
Cancer venus + Venus trine Saturn...May take awhile for him to warm up to others, but once he does become comfortable, he becomes super affectionate and touchy. May not have a lot of friends but is really loyal
Curious and always ready to learn; enjoys exploring topics and places; likes to dive into new subjects, he seems pretty open minded overall. He has a lot of energy mentally and physically. Ambitious and goal oriented, Dawon always tries to put a lot of effort into whatever he does
Neptune + Uranus in 4th house = weird home life. Seems like it's about having a weird family or home, maybe chaotic. Never feeling relaxed at home, longing for stable home and environment. Maybe strange childhood or can't remember much of it
Pluto in 2nd makes him care a lot about his finances. Financial security is one of his biggest concerns. Can be possessive about it. Will work hard to achieve the things he wants
North node in 1st means he should focus on himself. Dawon is constantly restricting himself in order to be safe from judgement, but he shouldn't have to worry about it at all. He needs to learn how to be comfortable with himself and be able to express who he is. He needs to build self confidence and stop living up to other's expectations
___
Other analysis:
MBTI | Enneagram
___
Masterlist
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ghoulfriendfangs · 2 years
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APPRENTICEMBER DAY FOUR: Delphi Edition!
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Day Four: What about the couriers? Have they met them? What do they think of them?   Be warned, this one does contain spoilers for Julian’s route!
  Prior to the plague, Delphi served as the court magician. The job didn’t last long due to… conflict with their employer, but they did interact with the Couriers during the job. The couriers remember this, but Delphi does not. Thus, the interactions are based on Delphi’s current memory and relationship to them. 
Volta: Volta is the only courier Delphi… doesn’t hate. They still don’t trust her, based on the company she keeps, but they aren’t angry with her or afraid of her either. If anything, they feel kinda empathetic. They’re always hungry too, but they aren’t even cursed or anything. Volta likes Delphi because they sometimes share their snacks. But only sometimes.
Valerious: Delphi hates his stuck up, prissy, pompous, catty, bitchy, spoiled ass. Valerious hates their rowdy, loud, boorish, uncouth, insulting, uncivilized ass. The hatred is mutual. They’ve known each other for longer than Delphi remembers, but their relationship has always been this way. 
Vlastomil: Delphi is still burning angry about his actions during the trial. They hate him with the fire of a thousand suns. They crave vengeance. If Vlastomil was drowning they’d toss him a rope implying they were helping, then throw the other end of the rope at him and tell him to figure it out himself. Vlastomil often struggles to remember who exactly Delphi is.
Vulgora: Although they both seem to hate each other due to being on opposite teams, they actually share a mutual love of punching people which kind of gives them a friendly rivalry.
Valdemar: Delphi is absolutely terrified of Valdemar. They try to hide it, but Valdemar knows anyway. Whenever they see Valdemar, their stomach goes icy cold and their throat closes up. 
Valdemar knows Delphi very personally. During their time as court magician, Valdemar was always hovering over their shoulder, as if studying them the way one would a caged specimen. During the plague, Delphi volunteered as a doctor, stepping foot in the palace again after a long time. Again, Valdemar was breathing down their neck, which discomforted them. However… after years of knowing someone, you start to trust them no matter who they are. Valdemar always set off alarm bells for Delphi, but they were naive. They thought that, under the dire circumstances, they could confide in Valdemar and opened up to them about their concerns regarding the plague.
…they really opened up to them :)
bonus: court magician Delphi jumpscare
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They’re… pretty embarrassed of this era of their life lol.
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juletheghoul · 3 years
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Burning Hour (Part 3)
This series has completely taken over my life and I am so happy you are all enjoying it so much - thank you for all of the lovely messages and comments - I treasure them deeply.
So - you shouldn't be surprised that this particular moment on the red carpet absolutely inspired a scene in this story and I regret nothing. Hope you all enjoy this fantasy that's keeping me going lol.
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Din Djarin x F!Reader (Virgin reader)
Pairing: Din x F!Reader
Word Count: 4.9k
Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) Angst, pining, slow-burn, implied arranged marriage, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age) Yearning, jealousy, fingering/touching / slight dirty talk (slightly possessive)
Let me know if I missed anything!
reblogs are appreciated
Masterlist Series Masterlist Part 4
You floated through the morning.
Your dreams were full of kisses, of declarations of love and beskar glinting under the sun and it was hard to concentrate on anything.
You smiled to yourself as you broke your fast with warm bread and butter, feeling his eyes on you from his place behind your father.
“Your highness-” Your father’s advisor came through the door holding the usual paperwork, things for him to look over, letters to read. “-A letter has come for the Princess.” He turned to you then with a smile. He was an old man, grandfatherly and sweet. He handed it to you and you noticed from the corner of your eye Din’s helmet turn towards you.
It was a small letter and you noticed how beautiful the script was as you opened it.
Dearest Princess,
I would be honoured if you were to join me here at my home for dinner. My messenger awaits your response and if you agree, I will send my personal household guard to accompany you. I also imagine your knight will be in attendance, I welcome him and whoever else you choose to bring at my table. Ruby as well of course.
Hoping you’ll say yes.
Ever yours,
Poe. D.
“It’s from Poe, he asks that I join him this evening for dinner.” You were frowning at the letter, conflicted because you wanted to stay home, wanted to meet Din in the garden again. A tiny part of you however, the tiniest part wanted to say yes - wanted to see how Poe would behave. Part of you wanted him to do something unforgivable to wipe the smiles off your parents faces.
“Oh but you must go!” Your father’s voice boomed through the room and you imagined that you could almost hear Din’s jaw clenching.
“Yes my darling, you must go. What does the letter say?” Your mother held her hand out and you handed it to her. She smiled as she read it. “Din, you must accompany her.” She was smiling big, excited at the prospect of a match having been made. No one bothered to ask if you wanted to go.
“Yes of course, let his messenger know that the Princess will be in attendance. She will go, Din- I leave her safety in your hands. Take you who must.” It had been decided for you, and you had to accept it. You felt Mila’s hand grasp yours under the table in understanding.
-
“Which gown would you like to wear your highness?” She asked sadly as you put on your undergarments and you sighed.
Whichever one makes everyone leave me alone.
“Whichever you think would look best sweetling, I have no preference.” You said the words and they were honest. Yes - Poe was charming and sweet, handsome and in another life you would have been faint with excitement at his interest in you but you were in love with Din. He was the one you wanted to share a meal with. He was the one you wanted to kiss in the open - to have holding your hand as you sat together in front of the hearth. He was the one you wanted in your bed.
“How about this one?” She held out a lovely powder blue gown. You would have said no, something more plain but you had to be seen to be making an effort.
“Yes, that will do nicely.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes. She didn’t comment on it.
“I will tie a blue ribbon around Ruby’s neck to match, and I think you have some sapphires as well.” She brought over a tray of jewelry for you to peruse while she laced up your gown.
Your mind drifted to an interesting place. You imagined you were preparing for dinner with Din and imagined your knight picking out jewels for you to wear.
Would he prefer diamonds? Would he like me better in opals or emeralds?
You had a feeling he wouldn’t mind either way, but it was lovely to pretend even for a moment. She placed a dark blue cloak about your shoulders and stood back.
“You look beautiful Princess, the blue looks lovely against your skin.” She held up a silvered looking glass and you saw the reflection of a happy woman, although why she was happy - no one could know.
“Thank you sweetling, let's get this night over with shall we?” You smiled at her as you both made your way outside.
---
Din, along with five of his best knights, waited for her to set out for Damerons home. Damerons own household guard waited as well, having been sent to accompany her and he surveyed them. They seemed competent enough, he gave them their space nonetheless.
It was getting more and more difficult to put the future out of his mind - he knew that the Princess would marry at some point, it was her duty as Queen. She might even marry Poe - he knew that objectively they were a good match but his mind simply couldn’t stay objective. Not when it came to her.
This whole thing was moving faster than he hoped and he didn’t know what he could do about it.
You have to face facts Djarin, you’ll never marry her. You are a knight, she is a Princess, there is no place for you. Maybe you should just let her go.
It was in him to do so, to ignore his feelings for her; to find Gisela and ask her to marry him - have a couple of little ones and pray for things to work out. The harsh words to get her to hate him on the tip of his tongue but they evaporated like dew on a sunny day when he saw her come out to meet him.
She was a gem- a bright, glittering thing that he wanted so desperately to hold onto.
“I am ready Sir, shall we?” She smiled shyly and he nodded.
“Of course Princess, allow me.” He guided her into the wheelhouse, dreading and cherishing every single second.
--
The ride was uneventful, the road was quiet thankfully with nothing to see but long swathes of trees and greenery in the gloaming of the evening.
Ruby was napping softly in your lap but woke quickly when you arrived, her little tail wagging happily at the prospect of exploring.
“Yes my little darling - we are here.” She was in Mila’s arms when you pet her, the two of you waiting for the wheelhouse to come to a stop.
Din opened the door for you, he was helping you climb down when you heard Poe’s voice sounding out.
“Princess, I am so pleased you agreed to come-” He was striding over, his squire on his heels. “-I am happy to see you all. Please - be welcome.” He was smiling big at everyone as his guards retreated, no doubt returning to their posts. He crouched quickly to pet Ruby before approaching you.
“Hello Poe, I thank you for your invitation.” You smiled as you took in your surroundings. His home was a beautiful sprawling estate. He must have been wealthier than you thought. “You must give me a tour of the grounds - I would love to see the gardens.” You smiled at him as he offered you his arm.
“Of course Princess, I will show you whatever you wish after our meal - unless you’d like to go now?” He paused for a moment.
“After dinner would be just fine.” You answered as he guided all of you inside.
--
You weren’t sure what to expect about his home when the letter had come in earlier but it was a pleasant surprise. There were fresh cut flowers everywhere, painstakingly detailed tapestries hung up on the walls as you made your way to the large dining room. Lush carpets and plush chairs, truly a man who enjoyed his comforts.
“You have a lovely home Poe.” You smiled as he led you to your seat.
“I thank you Princess -“ He turned to Din and the other Mandalorians waiting by the table. “-Please, sit with us. I meant what I said, you are all welcome at my table.” He gestured to them to sit.
“I do not wish to intrude, we would be happy to eat with the rest of your household guard.” Din replied, his voice was clipped however.
“Nonsense. I insist, I dare say the Princess would be more comfortable if you were to join us.” He said it with an easy smile and Din hesitated slightly before agreeing. They all sat, lining their helmets up before them.
Din barely spoke.
He had never been one for long speeches - you were unsure whether it was because of the helmet, or just his nature. The other Mandalorians were friendlier and Poe took it all in stride. You could see that he took nothing personal and treated them just as he treated you.
Aside from Din’s cool demeanor and Poe’s etiquette, the dinner went well. The food was wonderful and you didn’t fail to notice some of your favourites on the menu.
“I took the liberty of finding out what you like to eat.” He said it quietly, not wanting to draw attention and you favoured him with a smile. It was hard not to like him, he was very thoughtful.
Once the meal was done, he fulfilled his promise and escorted you outside. It was much more open than the gardens back home - everything illuminated by torches and lanterns. There were flowers and neatly pruned shrubbery surrounding the large building. You noticed a stable on one side, as well a modest greenhouse on the other.
“It’s nothing compared to what you’re used to but I enjoy it. The kennels are just behind the stables and there are flowers and different fruit trees just to the right there - that’s where they get the most sun. I’m afraid the night doesn’t do it justice, it’s much lovelier during the day.” He was walking you through the grounds, your arm tucked under his as your party followed.
“It’s lovely, truly.” You were sincere and you couldn’t help but look up, the sky awash in stars. “I would imagine you must spend a lot of time out here.” You let him guide the way.
“Not as often as I'd like to, but I try. Perhaps when we marry I’ll make more of an effort.” He said it with a wink and you scoffed loudly but without malice.
“Oh is that so? Well then I suppose I’ll have to change some things around since in your mind I’ll live here hm?” Your tone was playful but sarcastic and you were acutely aware of Din following the two of you.
“Oh yes Princess, I am quite sure. My home is yours and you may do with it what you will. I live only to make you happy.” He was just as playful and as annoyed as you were that he was so confident in your union, it was also aggravatingly refreshing to be able to speak to someone so honestly - better yet for them to respond in kind.
You ignored it, Poe was charming, that’s all.
Much to your annoyance, the night was enjoyable. Poe was an excellent host and it was later than you had originally planned when you set off for home. The woods were pitch black in some spots, it made you anxious to ride in the wheelhouse while the world outside seemed like it didn’t exist. The soft light of the moon doing nothing to pierce through the darkness of the road at times.
Reaching the palace had been a relief and you said as much when you stepped out.
“You should have told me Princess, I would have ridden in it with you - if it would have helped.” He spoke as he guided you inside. You had wanted to, but the temptation of having him so close would have been too much - and as much as Mila knew about your feelings towards him - you didn’t want her to see you kissing him.
You patted his arm in silent thanks and he said nothing else.
When you reached your room you hesitated at the door, wanting him to pull you away somewhere but he didn’t - instead he waited until Mila got in. He took his helmet off and you smiled at the state of his hair. Your fingers itched to ruffle through it.
“Princess, if it’s not too late, I would ask you to join me for a midnight ride.” He waited for your answer and your smile widened.
“Of course! Would you permit me to change quickly?” You didn’t want to ride in such a stuffy gown - as beautiful as it was.
“I will wait however long it takes.” He motioned for you to go and you did - urging Mila to help you once you reached your bedchamber.
“The soft linen dress I think - with the long shift and the heavy cloak. I want to be comfortable and warm.” You changed as fast as humanly possible - all but ripping the jewelry off and within a few minutes you were rushing out the door. The two of you making your way towards the stables as silently as possible.
You watched him work deftly, his skilled hands saddling his horse with ease. One horse, not two.
“Are we to ride together?” You looked at him confused.
“Is this a problem for you Princess? I thought it might be quicker to get us to safety should something happen if we were on the same horse. I could saddle you your own if you prefer - we just wouldn’t travel too far.” He hesitated momentarily and your heart leapt at the thought that he would be holding you so closely.
“I trust your judgment Sir, one horse it is.” You kept your voice neutral and he nodded, finishing his work quickly. Once he was done - he helped you up and pulled himself up behind you. The cool beskar pressed up against your back as his arms reached around you to grab the reins.
Your dress pooled up around your thighs slightly, but your legs were covered by your big cloak but it was exciting nonetheless. You felt exposed, with his proximity it excited you way more than it should have. It felt forbidden, taboo and thrilling to have it feel like he was holding you. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning back into his body slightly but he didn’t complain.
The ride through the forest was quiet except for the sound of the night birds, the crickets and the creatures that prowled at this time. The sound of the horses' steps, the sound of its breathing mixing with yours as well as Din’s. He rode through trees, through the little paths only he seemed to know and after a while you were beside a lake. The soft sound of the water kissing the shore added to the nightsong and you were happy that he had brought you here. He had been silent the whole ride, but you felt him take his helmet off behind you and secure it somehow to the saddle.
“You should know that you looked exceptionally lovely today Princess, blue is your colour.” His breath tickled your neck and you shivered. You turned slightly to look back but you couldn’t fully face him, the angle awkward but he kissed you just under your ear to let you know it was okay.
“I thank you Sir, I hoped you would like it.” You leaned back into his arms to tuck your head under his chin.
“You wore that for me? I thought you wore it for Dameron.” His hands came up to hold onto your arms as he pressed little kisses to your neck.
“I always dress for you.” You left it at that, hoping he would understand that despite everything- he was the one you wanted.
“Can I confess something?” His hand came up to slowly undo the cloak tied at your throat.
“Yes, anything.” You answered almost breathlessly, watching his hands open up the cloak to expose your shoulders, the skin of your thighs poking out where the dress had bunched up even more.
“You might think me wicked but, I thought about what it would be like to kiss you.” His hand trailed down as he spoke, rubbing at your thighs over your dress and you watched them in the low light of the moon, mesmerized.
“You’ve kissed me before Sir, you could kiss me now.” You turned a little more but he stopped you.
“I wasn’t thinking about kissing your mouth lovely girl, I was thinking about kissing you somewhere else.” His hands slowly gathered the fabric of your dress, bunching it in his fist - lifting it inch by inch to bare your legs to him. “May I show you where I want to kiss you?” He stopped but you clung onto his arms around you.
“Yes - please show me.” You felt is other hand join the fray and soon he had exposed your lower half to the cool night air. Your undergarments were damp you knew it - the arousal pooling low in your belly at the thought that he might touch you where you most wanted him to. He didn’t disappoint.
His hand trailed up your inner thigh lightly, slowly, up until he skillfully slid it into your undergarments. He groaned deep in his chest when he touched your bare sex.
“Right here. I long to kiss you, taste you here.” His touch was feather light on the lips of your womanhood, slipping along the seam of you. You whimpered, no one had ever touched you here and you felt the slick dripping out of you as you let him explore. “Would you let me Princess? Would you let me bury my tongue right here?” He dipped his fingers low, parting you slightly to dip his fingers just at the entrance - collecting your arousal onto his fingers before slipping them out and bringing them to his mouth behind you. You moaned at the sound of him sucking you off of them and you nodded frantically.
“Yes Din, I would let you - I’m yours.” You moaned the words and his other hand held you in place.
“And I am yours.” He responded before bringing his hand back to where you craved it, this time he spread the lips of your cunt open wide, honing his middle finger on the pearl of your sex. He rubbed tight, slow circles around it and you moaned - trying desperately to open your legs wider. He chuckled darkly behind you.
“Does that feel good Princess?” He turned your face with his other hand, twisting his upper body enough to capture your mouth in a messy kiss, not quite aligned but it sent a shiver of arousal through you and you felt yourself climbing higher and higher- his finger relentless as he sped up a little.
“Yes - Gods yes - it feels so good Din, I thought about you too.” You moaned the words into his mouth. “I think about you touching me like this, when I do it to myself.” He groaned at your confession, his tongue thick in your mouth when he kissed you again.
His finger dipped low to collect more wetness and the glide of it was just right, just slippery enough to send you over the edge and you almost screamed. Your body seizing up with pleasure as your sex clenched around nothing. He cooed into your ear as you rode it out.
“You are intoxicating my lovely one.” He kissed your neck, as he lowered your skirts.
You watched him, blissed out and boneless as he licked his fingers before grabbing the reins again and slowly making his way back to the palace.
-
Mila was snoring softly when you slipped into the room and you were careful not to wake her and as tired as you were from travel it took you a long time to fall asleep. Your heart full of love for Din and a hunger you couldn’t satiate filled your belly. It was a craving for his body, for his kisses, for physical love a woman shared with her husband. You fell asleep hoping - though secretly knowing- that he craved you the same way.
—-
As happy as you were when you awoke the next morning, it was quickly dampened - your father informed you that Poe was to arrive at the Palace as his honoured guest. That he was to stay for a time as a gesture of good will.
You saw right through it.
Your parents had decided that Poe was the suitor they wanted for you and they weren’t being at all subtle.
They informed you with big smiles on their faces, no doubt in hopes of pushing you towards him. It was exhausting - this constant reminder that you would never be truly free to live the life you wanted with Din.
When Poe arrived, he was happy - taking this as a sign that he was winning you over.
“Greetings Princess, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to spend more time with you.” He was all smiles and you had no choice but to smile back.
“It will be interesting for sure.” With the way you felt about Din, the intense desire to be around him was at the forefront of your mind. As well as the way Din behaved around Poe, it would definitely be interesting to say the least.
Your father invited Poe to dine at your private table, and he engaged him in conversation almost the whole night. They spoke of the future, of how Poe would help rule if he were indeed to marry you. Your mother smiled silently, happy to let the conversation center around the two of you.
Din stood still behind your fathers chair and you wanted nothing more than to pull him to sit with you. To talk to him, kiss him and feed him from your own plate.
“I would want to help people to be quite honest, extend a hand to those that aren’t as fortunate as us. There are people out there starving and that doesn’t sit right with me.” He was honest, to a fault like he said but you admired that.
“That’s very noble of you my boy.” The king nodded.
“It’s very honourable isn’t it my darling?” Your mother smiled at you and you smiled back, nodding around a bite of your food.
“I’m sure the Princess and I could do much and more to help the people who need it the most, if she would let me that is.” He had a shy, genuine smile for you, tentatively reaching over and taking your hand in his. You couldn’t very well snatch it back but you felt Din’s eyes burning into the interaction.
This could get messy.
“Princess, I would humbly ask that you accompany me for a walk through the grounds - chaperoned by your knight of course.” He asked as the remnants of the meal were taken away.
“Oh I’m sure she’d love to join you wouldn’t you sweetling?” Your mother cooed, and you smiled and nodded.
“Yes of course.” You let him guide you, Din following closely behind.
“I hope I’m not intruding - I know that the King and Queen are very keen for this to work between us.” He held your hand as you walked arm in arm and you couldn’t help but sigh softly.
“Yes they are aren’t they.” Your tone came out a little more exasperated than you’d hoped but he was well aware that you were not to be swayed by him so easily, you knew he should expect some hesitancy from you.
“I understand that you aren’t impressed and that I am most likely not your first choice. For all I know you might already have your eye on someone else.” He laughed and you couldn’t help but look over your shoulder at Din. “Regardless of that Princess, I know this must be difficult for you but I beg of you to give me a chance to show you that there is potential here. I believe that in time you might come to love me.” He pulled your hand up to his mouth and kissed your fingers.
“You are selling yourself quite hard Poe, I appreciate that you understand that my feelings for you aren’t where you want them to be.” You looked up at him apologetically, expecting him to have a sad look on his face but he surprised you; he was smiling - content to listen to you speak.
“I know, it’s not in you right now but I believe you will see me in a different light. I have faith.” He left the conversation there.
——
It was hard to find time to meet with Din, Poe seemed to be everywhere and his determination seemingly had no bounds.
Your mother found you as you dressed for the day - she had a note from Poe. He was asking you to accompany him into town to hand out some supplies. You couldn’t refuse him, not when your mother had delivered it herself.
“Will Din accompany us?” You asked it offhand, your voice neutral - your face a mask of nonchalance.
“No your father is going on a hunt and Din will be protecting him, there will be other guards with you.” She said it with a shake of her hand as she searched your wardrobe for an appropriate dress. “This will do nicely.” She picked out an off the shoulder, deep berry coloured dress that was not at all practical for a day out in the city.
It would have to do.
-
He had taken you to an orphanage in the heart of the city. There were kids running around of all ages and the older ones ran towards Poe when you entered - recognizing him. He had a big smile on his face as they hugged him around the middle, all decorum forgotten.
“Poe did you bring us anything?” A boy of about twelve years was eager, looking around you to the entourage of guards waiting behind you.
“Of course, brought all of you some good stuff like I always do.” He ruffled the boys hair before he held his hand out to you, you smiled and stepped forward. “I have someone very special here with me today, this is the Princess. Come on over and say hello.” He called them over to you and you saw some of the little girls eyes light up. They flocked to you, asking you if you were indeed the Princess. Asked you if you had a crown, and most importantly why you were there. They were precious.
“She’s here to help just like I am.” Poe answered for you.
A little girl of about six pulled on your dress and you lowered yourself slightly to be at her level.
“Princess, I like your dress, you’re so pretty.” She was smiling at you, her hair was a tangle but her eyes were bright.
“Thank you sweetling, you are much prettier I must say.” You moved the hair out of her eyes and she smiled wide, her little hand clutching at a makeshift cloth doll.
You helped Poe hand out toys and new clothes and there was food for them to eat. You spent the day playing with them and learning about their lives. The women who ran the orphanage knew him and you saw that all of the talk of helping the less fortunate was real, he had already been doing much more than you had ever even imagined.
It was hard to deny the little spark of something that he held within you.
He was handsome, he was kind and smart- funny and generous and with the way his eyes found yours throughout the day; he felt something for you. His eyes were piercing, dark and mysterious and for the first time, he gave you butterflies.
One of the little ones was showing you his space within the building, his bed and his tiny toy horse. He was waxing poetic about how one day he would be a knight. You were smiling at him when Poe stood next to you, his gaze heavy and it sent a flush crawling up your neck to light up your ears.
The fabric at his neck was crumpled and you couldn’t help but reach up to fix it, your arm extended over to him and his gaze focused on it, reached up to hold it to his neck. He placed a delicate kiss to your bicep and pulled you closer. The act was small, but so intimate it did something to you. Melted a tiny piece of you that up until now was frozen to him and he saw it on your face. Felt it in the way you let him hold you close, your arm still around his neck, his hand moving down to hold onto your waist.
The little boy was in front of you now, asking Poe if he would ever give him a real horse and he laughed, not unkindly.
“One day my boy, one day I will give you a horse - only if you promise to behave and be on your best behaviour. Can you do that?” The little boy nodded sagely promising he would. You didn’t pull your arm away, and you couldn’t pinpoint why.
—-
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youn9racha · 3 years
Text
I Know (Part I)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader
Genre: suggestive
Word count: 1.9k
Warning: slight adult content, swearing, suggestive actions, elements of stalker behavior
Extra notes: characters mentioned are all above the age 21 years, a lot of hatred towards the male figure lol. Also this is my first time writing on tumblr, so please bare with me, it may not be the best, but I still hope you enjoy it :)
And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…
part ii is up !!!
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This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised
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Men…
Truly the scums of the Earth, who do no good for no one, and are an absolute menace to society. But oh, do I enjoy the looks of their faces at times. The way they would look at me with full hope and infatuation, with full beliefs that I would step down and give them all they want from me.
Hmph. How cute… and pathetic. How pathetic to assume and lower my standards for them. They all are the same. All but one however.
All that men hating… and yet, only one I’d be willing to go down to his level.
Yes, its him… He whom a lot would have not sought to be with, not many would expect a bombshell like myself would be with. But I do not see that in him, not an ounce of what many insecure individuals would see. I see something striking that not many could see, an underrated dignified beauty that anyone could wish to admire. A fanciable and irresistible personality and face.
He was a man.. but a pleasant one.
It all started when I moved in into a new flat for myself. I previously left the old complex due to the cramped environment I had that left me feeling uneasy and stressed, as well as it wasn’t even my apartment, it was for my partner, well, ex-partner. It was simply wasn’t working out, due to our seeming never ending conflicts. But enough of the past, let us move on..
I found this flat that is comfortable and the rent pays well, its only downside is that my room’s window is faced to the next door’s flat, however it’s not a big detriment or big turn off for me so it was fine by me, and also it was prone to have random, yet rare, blackout, but then again what neighborhood doesn’t have that. Anyhow, I was set to take the complex, but before I did, I have noticed something about the neighbor’s window next to me. It was a man. A really good looking one too. Giving his side profile, he was laying on his bed, his black hair covered head bopping with earphones placed in ears, laptop placed in his revealing shorts adorned lap. My eyes began started to stare into his arms then onto his naked well built chest, which indicates that he likes to keep up with his health, as his ring adorned hands was tapping away in his keyboard. I quickly looked away when I saw him repositioned his laptop, and walked out of the soon-to-be my room.
Great… I’ve entered Hell.
But I didn’t let it affect my decisions and got the apartment nonetheless, here I am now, weeks after the incident, sitting in my car, outside of the building, still thinking about the man in his laptop. Has he noticed that I was staring at him? Does he know that there’s gonna be someone living next to him? I hope not. And if he has, I must apologize to him. But before that, let me unload my car. I have gradually put my stuff into the complex as the days go by, it seems dragging, but it felt like the time went by fast, so I’m glad I have done that. However, today was different, as I took stuff more than I usually did, as I desperately do not want to go back to my ex. Typically, I never had assistance, as usually my best friend would join in and help out, but at a time I needed them the most, they had to be really sick. They still were willing to help, but I insisted that they shouldn’t and should rest.
After thinking, I sighed and got out my car, ready to fight the battle that is putting my stuff into my complex. I opened the trunk, eyes meeting my stuff, and I begin to groan. ‘Dammit, (y/n), why do you have that many stuff?!’ I thought to myself. I really should’ve had at least one more visit to my ex, but alas I picked to just take all all together in one day. I picked up a box until..
“Need any help?” I heard someone behind me asking me. I turned around and looked at the source. ‘God damn, is it just me, or does this town just bring out more attractive people?’ I thought to myself, as I see a man that looked like he could be at a museum. He had a sandy brown curly hair, slightly tanned skin, really plump and a crazy jawline. He donned a tank top that barely covered his side torso, and basket ball shorts that complimented his really nice, thick… thighs… yeah… Needless to say he was really attractive.
It seems that I was ogling him, rather than responding, as he shyly smiled and waved his hand in front of my face, “hello,” he softly said as I shook my head and looked back at his face apologetically.
“I am so sorry, I am just really tired, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I cringed at my pathetic way of justifying of me literally internally lusting over him. I really am turning into someone I dread to be. How can I forgive myself?
“That’s okay, I know how moving can get tiring, and I sense that you’re alone, so please let me and my friend help you out.” He said, sympathetically smiling a sweet smile, already grabbing a box out of my hand. God, if this man has a partner, then they’re the luckiest person ever, and if he’s single, I’ll gladly hand him a ring. What am I saying? (y/n), what the hell has gotten into you?!
“I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris or Chan, whichever you prefer is fine, what’s your name?” The generous man’s voice interrupted my inner battle and I found myself looking at him again. “(y/n)” I smiled at him, which he nodded back.
“Nice to meet you,” Chan said, looking back and see that his friend showed up, meanwhile, I went back to my trunk and got out more stuff from my car “oh, there he is!” Chan enthusiastically announced.
“(y/n), meet my friend and roommate, Changbin.” Chris said, while I got out the box and looked at the other man, my face shifted from contentment to horrific.
Its the man with the laptop.
“Hello? Chan, are you sure she’s okay?” Changbin looked at Chris with worry. “Yeah, she’s just tired, just nudge her.”
It’s like Chris knew me too well, despite meeting for less than 10 minutes, as Chris slightly pushed me with the box, not enough to hurt me, but enough to put me out of a trance.
“huh? I did it again, did I?” I looked at Chan, worryingly, which he nodded. I looked back at Changbin and the pathetic act was brought up again.
“I am so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me.” I apologized once again, which Changbin only smirked. “Don’t worry about it,” He said, carrying a box. Something about that smirk and tone seems off. Not off in a menacing way, but off in a… coy way. Maybe not the best term to use, maybe I am just over analyzing, but I am for sure either winning the lottery tonight, or convinced that the sun will rise from the west tomorrow, since I have two very attractive men helping out, one of which is someone whom I may have an odd fascination for a while now.
~~
The two have been nothing but a delight to interact with, their help with the stuff had done me even more than just a solid. However, I still in a way feel a bit unsettled by Changbin. It wasn’t that he was a creep, or did anything to make me uncomfortable, its just this feeling of guilt I carry with me. Meanwhile, I didn’t attempt anything, and I just simply just admired him from afar, it still felt wrong that I was just looking at him while he was barely wearing anything, let alone while not him paying attention. Despite this, it seems that he doesn’t know that I did what I did, which is why I chose to confront him about it when the time is right, which is probably when we start getting even more comfortable. I have exchanged numbers with both men, even though I could probably just go out my window and yell out their names, but I’d rather not disturb the peace.
Two good looking men are now my neighbors… Who would have thought? Whichever entity that is in existence have decided to play with me, because to them, my humiliation would be their laughing stock, because they definitely would have seen what is to become of me.
Its been a week in since I moved, and interacted with the two Chans, and I am glad that a curtain was installed onto my room, just so I wouldn’t carry even more guilt than I already do. But the thing is, I would lie that I still haven’t thought of Changbin. While I would have thought that Chris fitting into more of my ideal type, Changbin however held a mysterious power that Chan didn’t.
Ever since the time I first laid eyes on Changbin, he has never left my mind. He has started to creep up in my fantasies and dreams in every way shape of form. I couldn’t stop thinking of how his arms would look around my waist, how his lips would feel in my skin, or how his hands would wander around, exploring places that many men often fail to find to make me feel good, or how his voice would be like when talking as he puts his mouth by my ear— God, this is getting out of hand, I would think.
What if he had a girlfriend? What if he wasn’t attracted to women in general? What if he finds you a creep?
So many more endless questions would come in to ruin me, but its not like i have a choice, he just happened to settle into my dreams and thoughts, and went with it.
I decided to take a shower to try and distract myself from these thoughts, which didn’t help at all, as the hot water cascading my skin did nothing but accelerated my lustful thoughts. I decided to get out of the shower, as it didn’t help my case.
Damn you, Changbin.
I sighed, put on some underwear and a robe while having a towel wrapped around my hair. I got out of the bathroom and back to my room. It was dark out, and in my room, the only light came out of it were my night lamp, which barely lit up the whole room. I checked the window, making sure Changbin wasn’t there, or at least not facing the window, only to see his window being covered with curtains.
Great timing, could’ve used that when I first saw you, dipshit.
But nonetheless, I was really glad at least he wasn’t visible. I laid back on my bed, and decided to look through social media, as anyone should. While in the middle of a instagram scroll, I see a caller popping through at the top of the screen…
It was Changbin.
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greensaplinggrace · 3 years
Note
honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...
not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..
like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.
alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???
honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.
Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.
HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.
👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!
Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".
Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.
Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.
I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.
And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.
And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?
The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.
His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).
And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.
She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.
Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.
And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.
Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.
Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.
The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.
In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.
The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.
Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.
Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.
This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.
So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.
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realcube · 3 years
Text
comfort with the haikyuu!! boys hcs 💝
characters: kenma, bokuto, ushijima, tsukishima, akaashi
thanks to anon for the request (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
ALL AGED UP! (no mature themes though) (i just like the post-timeskip domestic dynamics)
tw// hurt! reader, swearing, mentions of death, fluff, angst if you squint
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Kenma Kuzome
bb has cat senses so he can tell when you’re sad
he can also tell bc you do the exact same thing he does when he’s sad, which is cuddle underneath blankets in bed, play animal crossing and blare lo-fi music to conceal your faint sobs
so when he walks into your shared room and notices you wrapped up in blankets on the bed, he does his best to suppress a snicker whicH HE FEELS SO BAD FOR HAVING IN THE FIRST PLACE
like he knows you’re sad but a part of his mind is just like ‘heh, (y/n) burrito.’ like you just look sO FKN CUTE!!
anyway, the first thing he always does when you’re down is approach you on the bed, sneak under the blankets and join to you to become a (y/n) & kenma burrito 
also, he might turn the speaker off depending on how loud the music is lol but if it’s at an okay volume then he’ll just leave it on and vibe with you for a bit as he desperately wracks his brain, trying to come up with something reassuring to say 
you usually comes up with the something basic like, ‘what’s wrong?’ but i mean, you don’t really mind - at least he’s making an effort and you know it must be difficult for him to think of things to say lol
depending on how sad you are, you might just tell him straight-up what happened or you might text him bc you don’t think you’ll be able to choke out an answer without bursting into tears again
then he’ll ask you if you want to be alone and act accordingly 
assuming that you say ‘no’ bc you want his presence, he’ll just recollect on the last time you comforted him while he was down and mimic it tbh
..you always comfort him so well 🥺 and whenever you console him, he always feels so much better so he just thought that maybe if he imitates you, then it’ll work just as well
so he started off by resting his head on your shoulder and whispering kind things in your ear just like you did to him, ‘you know i love you, right?’ , ‘i hope you feel better soon’, ‘do you want me to bring you some food?’
he’ll seriously do everything in his power to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible 
and he’ll stay as a (y/n) & kenma burrito until you feel better or until the sun rises  ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰)
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Kōtarō Bokuto
i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again - he’s such an empath and so overdramatic
so when he comes home from work and you don’t run up to the door to give him hugs & kisses- he’s about to burst into tears himself
so he sulks up to your room now IMAGINE HOW SHOCKED HE IS WHEN HE WALKS IN TO SEE YOU CRYING UNDER THE BLANKETS
emo-mode engaged :(
his hair deflates as he pounces on you and wails, ‘(Y/N)! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! ARE YOU OKAY?! WHO HURT YOU?!’ (ಥ _ ಥ)
and the bitch dives on you while you are under the blanket, essentially scaring and suffocating you 
‘bokuto, get off me!’ you shrieked, wriggling out of his grip and out from under the blanket
 when he notices you had escaped the blanket with tear-stained cheeks, he felt even worse 
he threw himself into your arms, howling, ‘(Y/N)!! I AM SO SORRY!’
at this point all the blood had rushed to your head and you had kinda forgotten that you were sad for a moment or two
‘bo! you should know you’re own strength by now.’ you muttered, rubbing the underneaths off your puffy eyes
‘I KNOW!’ he wailed once more, burying his face into the crook of your neck
you sighed while rubbing his back, unable to supress a slight giggle, ‘bokuto..’ 
there was ages of silence between the two of you before he pulled away to look you in the eyes and asked, ‘(y/n), why were you crying before i got here?’
you’d explain the issue to him and he’d do everything in his power to solve it because the way he sees it, why should he try console you when he can just fix the variable that’s making you sad in the first place?
like, if you were just fired from your job, he’ll go full karen and he will call corporate to demand for your job back if you don’t stop him
or if your loved one died, he’ll become a fkn medium or study resurrection
or if you’re just stressed from exams/tests, he’ll just be like ‘why do you need to go to uni anyway?’
‘so i can get a qualification.’
‘why do you need that?’
‘so i can apply for a job.’
‘why do you need a job?’
‘so i can make money, so i don’t starve.’
‘you can have my money!’
you couldn’t help but chuckle at how much life-experience bokuto had, yet he will still so naïve; honestly, you couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not. ‘what if we break up?-”
“DON’T SAY THAT!” he gasped, instinctively tightening his grip on you
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Wakatoshi Ushijima
both you and ushijima’s pride did not allow y’all to cry in front of one another 
if you ever had to cry, you’d just run to the bathroom, lock the door, turn on the tap to drown out the sound of your sobs and just let it all out
and if he ever had to cry, he’d just do it in the shower
but like- you both knew when the other one had been crying because of their puffy, damp eyes but you both mutually agreed to not mention it
i mean, up until now y’all had both been able to flourish in the relationship while dealing with emotions on your own so why bother changing?
and if anything, you both felt more comfortable crying to yourselves
 that was, until today
you had cracked under the pressure of your job - you were simply sitting at your desk in the study room, doing some work then it all just came crashing down
ushijima had just stepped out of the shower in his towel and was currently wandering around the house in search of you, to inform you that he ran out of shampoo so it would be greatly appreciated if you were to add it to the shopping list 
but when he entered the study to see you sitting there by your computer, bawling you eyes out..he froze
like he had to do a whole double-take bc he wasn’t sure if he was seeing this correctly
your face was buried in your hands so you didn’t notice him at first but then you heard him awkwardly clear his throat from the doorway and your neck immediately jerked to look at him
it was quite embarrassing for the both of you, ngl
like he was standing there half-naked, staring into your red eyes in hopes that what he saw was just a hallucination
after what felt like hours of deafening silence, ushijima broke it by muttering under his breath, ‘uh, is everything okay?’
‘everything is fine, toshi.’ you replied, forcing a bright smile onto your face as you went back to typing, ‘did you come down here to tell me somethi--’
‘i can tell that there is something wrong.’ he stated, walking towards you while using one had to hold his towel in place and draping the other over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. ‘do you want to tell me?’
you let out a long sigh, resting your cheek against his chest while still staring at the many tabs you had open on your desktop 
but ushijima quickly fixed that by taking your chin in-between his thumb and index finger, then turning your face to look up at him, 
‘work?’ he hummed his assumption
‘yeah.’ you mumbled, quite surprised at how understanding he was being
but then again, ushijima obviously knows what it feels like to be overworked and burnt out too, so he was able to provide a lot of empathy in that sense
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Kei Tsukishima
ok a bit of tsukki slander but i feel like tsukishima would make it worse WEILUBRGBE
wait no well, he doesn’t make it worse but he doesn’t make it better either
like he’ll walk into the living room and see you curled up under a blanket on the couch, lightly sobbing from underneath- and he honestly doesn’t know how to act
this is the first time he’s seen you cry bc usually y’all keep your emotions to yourselves - you’re both v independent like that ( ̄︶ ̄)
anyway, mans thinks he can just tease the sadness out of you 🙄
‘awh, is my little couch goblin feeling sad?’ he said shakily, clearly intimidated by your figure lying on the couch, and you could tell he was nervous per his use of the nickname ‘couch goblin’
‘‘TSUKISHIMA, FUCK OFF!’ you barked, hastily wiping away your tears and clinging to blanket to prevent him from pulling it away, as the last thing you wanted him to see was your weary figure just so he could tease you about it 
‘bitch, i live here.’ he hissed, rubbing the back of his neck - feeling rather conflicted
on one hand, you seemed serious when you asked him to leave; plus, the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable by staying when you’re already sad
but on the other hand, he genuinely wanted to help
he’d feel bad if he were to just leave his s/o in tears when he could’ve done something to make you feel better 
‘do you really want me to go?’ he asked and for a change, not a hint of mockery or sarcasm was found in his voice
there were several moments of silence until you mumbled from under your blanket, ‘no.’ then proceeded to lift up your arm to allow him to crawl under the blanket and join you
he did so, pulling you against his chest so you could sob lightly against his cotton shirt while being engulfed by warm darkness
‘what could’ve possibly went wrong to make the evilest blanket demon cry?’
‘evilest blanket demon’ - that was definitely a new one, and you’d be lying if you said a small snicker didn’t escape your mouth at how monotonously he was able to deliver such a unique nickname
and after years of being in a relationship with tsukki, you’ve learned to find comfort in these nicknames considering they were a big part of how he expressed love 
in his vocabulary, ‘you’re so annoying.’ is equal to ‘i love you’
so him calling you an ‘evil blanket demon’ was, in his eyes, the highest and most sincere form of flattery
you eventually tell him what happened that made you sad and he just listens 
feel free to ramble on about anything/everything that’s worried you for the last few months bc he’s all ears 
he figured that other than make you dinner and hug you, that was the best thing he could do to help bc he was far from a romantic who’s good with words 
if he tries to console you verbally it would probably come out like ‘uh, don’t cry - i understand what you’re going through, i think, but like- cry if you want. this must be tough for you, to be honest.’
so he just listens to what you have to say and occasionally inputs a lil’ ‘mhm’ or ‘yeah’
he’s probably the most patient with you so you could stay sad on the couch for the next few weeks, as long as you’re eating the meals he delivers to you and you’re staying healthy, he’ll just let you mope until you feel better tbh
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Keiji Akaashi
boyfie material right here
i’m hardly an akaashi simp but he’s probably the best at comforting you while you’re sad tbh
because he’s literally been dealing with bokuto and his emo-mode for god-knows how long so he’s very good with reassuring people😌
also, i just know that this man can detect emotions so well- evEN THROUGH TEXT ISTG
he’d text you the usual ‘goodnight ❤’
and you’ll quickly wipe away your tears that were blurring your vision to reply ‘goodnight 💕’ 
then he’ll deadass text back like ‘i’m coming over. what’s wrong?’
HE JUST KNOWS!! don’t question it bc he doesn’t even have a logical answer lol
anyway, he’ll arrive and immediately begin with the reassurance before you even tell him what’s wrong 
‘you’re coping so well, (y/n).’
‘i’m so proud and i love you so much.’
‘is there anything i can do to make you feel better?’
‘would you like a hug?’
‘you’re beautiful, (y/n). i hope you know that.’
‘do you want me to get you ice-cream?’
a king- 👑
also, you weren’t embarrassed to cry in front of him either bc you had seen him cry before 
plus, y’all both established at the very beginning of the relationship that you’d both try be as honest and open with your emotions as possible
so now, you were both sitting beside each other on your bed while sharing a banana split that akaashi made (you put the sprinkles on though so you basically gave it flavour ✨)
akaashi is definitely the therapist friend to so he gives great advice 
but if you don’t want his advice and you’d prefer him to just listen, then he can do that too 
honestly, he’d do basically anything to make you feel better 🥺
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sixteenthshen · 3 years
Text
post-finale stuff
Possible spoilers. Beware
Last night, I happened to check the scriptwriter's Weibo and saw that she had liked this fan's post. It's the only non-work related Weibo post that she had liked, so of course, I went to read it. 
The fact that this is the only fan post she's given her approval to must mean that it is on point and she agrees with the characterisation. I thought it's pretty good, so I've gone ahead to translate it here. I own 0 rights to this. I just thought it's a good perspective that may help others like me who struggled with the ending. 
I think I've mostly made my peace with it now, and to sum it up:
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they are. 
A-Xu never once blamed Lao Wen for how things turned out because he understood that. And he’s clearly a better person than I am (lol).
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Let me be clear about my stand - the real victim of how the drama unfolded in the last six episodes is WKX. When we feel our hearts ache for ZZS, it's because the show let down WKX (the character). If your heart is only hurting for WKX during episodes 33-34, you should try to ship WKX with someone else, ok? If you think the last six episodes were great and that WKX was very romantic (and only romantic), then I honestly don't know what to say. 
I ship wenzhou. That means I like both Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu. I want them to love each other, be good to each other and live happily ever after. And I want them not to be OOC. 
The rest behind the cut. Spoilers for the whole drama. 
------- 
First, the source. Here is a link to that Weibo post, by 爱吐槽的栗小姐. I will delete this if requested by the OP - because this is really in a grey area imo. But I think the intention of a public post is for it to be shared? (especially something like this, which argues a point) 
Secondly, the poster does try to be fair in her post, but as the problem here is WKX's ruined characterisation, ZZS's character is analysed primarily concerning this issue only. There's quite a bit left to ZZS's character and backstory that isn't relevant. I believe that's why the post doesn't elaborate on it, or so I hope.
-------
Ever since WKX faked his death, I received three to four waves of fellow sister fans' mournful wails: "Lao Wen actually faked his death; does he have a heart?" "They were supposed to be of the same heart and treat each other with honesty. How did they regress?" "What happened to their innate soulmate-ness?" "Why does A-Xu always say to face things together, yet Lao Wen always keeps his plans from him?" "A-Xu loves Lao Wen, yet Lao Wen only loves himself"…….
Wait. What have you guys misunderstood about the meaning of soulmates? 
Soulmates are about values, but a person's behaviour… that's methodology FFS! 
(Do they no longer teach this in political affairs class in high school anymore?) 
Wenzhou, these soulmates, are incomparably compatible and mesh well in terms of values. According to the scriptwriter, the entire jianghu wants and tries to get the pieces of Glazed Armour, save the two of them. Not only do they not care for the peerless martial arts, immense power, nor the massive wealth that the Glazed Armour represents, they don't even care for the power they hold in their hands –Ghost Valley and the Window of Heaven. Both of them willing to give it up without a second thought. 
Before they met each other, they were so tired of (ZZS) and so angry at (WKX) this earthly world that they didn't even want to live on anymore. 
After they met each other, they gradually began to feel the warmth in this world again. How nice it would be if they could live in seclusion, hand in hand and just bask in the sun. 
In this world, where everyone else is fighting for power or wealth, they are true soulmates. To intelligent people like them, whether or not they're honest about their identities or secrets is merely a matter of formality. They had already determined their attraction to the other's soul early on and have never doubted it. 
There may be some here who would criticise loudly at this point, "Then can't you be more considerate for your soulmate (the actual phrased used is "spiritual companion")? A-Xu has said many times, let's face everything together, I'll bet that you will be honest with me. If you really love him, then why can't you care for his feelings?" 
----- You guys, you've never been married. 
If two souls meeting can naturally resolve all behavioural conflicts and disagreements, then the theory of "breaking in" * would not exist. 
Let us take a look at what kind of a person WKX and ZZS each are.
Wen Kexing, he's a lone wolf. 
After his parents' death and his entering the Ghost Valley, his smooth sailing life suddenly fell off a cliff. Ever since then, the only person he could rely on was himself. That deep-seated hatred is carved into his bones, yet he can't speak of it to anyone else. He isn't the same type of person as the rest of the ghosts in the Ghost Valley; he isn't the same type of person as A-Xiang, who he raised. If we talk about the world and everyone who lives in it, he doesn't have any fetters or feels any (positive) emotions. 
His supposed craziness is a form of indifference. He's indifferent to others' lives, nor his own, because he just doesn't care. (T/N: I think he does care for his own life, but only for revenge, after that, he's indifferent. Indifferent isn't suicidal. I don't know why some fans seem to be confusing the two. Although he didn't plan to, if he somehow manages to stay alive after getting his revenge, WKX will continue to live on, even if it's only to keep A-Xiang happy because he is indifferent.)
Growing up like this, being solitary became his style. He's used to doing everything alone, used to making his own decisions, used to digesting all his emotions himself. 
Every time he argues with A-Xu, he digests his emotions himself. The next day, he faces A-Xu with a smile again. 
This is how he loves, to take it upon himself to face danger, difficulty and pain alone. It's how he had supported A-Xiang all these years in the Ghost Valley and what he's used to. 
While Zhou Zishu, he's a lead horse (of a herd). ** 
Since a very young age, he's taught to take responsibility. He's used to bearing everything on his shoulders, be it the responsibility of his family or the responsibility for the Four Seasons Manor, even the responsibility for saving commoners from disasters. 
Unlike the lone wolf, the lead horse is ultimately a social animal. 
Regardless of his identity as the Manor Lord of the Four Seasons Manor or the Leader of the Window of Heaven, he's always the one to lead the herd and rarely fights alone. So, A-Xu not only has leadership ability but more than that, he also knows how to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of his team members. You can see the various ways he managed to influence Lao Wen along the road; he's firm when he needs to be and soft the other times. It's absolutely textbook in managing your lover workplace management. 
Zhou Zishu believes in communication whenever there's a problem, that they should be open and honest. So, teamwork is what he's used to. 
Does it mean that when a horse and lone wolf fall in love, that there won't be a breaking in period? 
Obviously not. 
I guess this is where some may say again, "isn't this part of a character's arc/development? The two of them quarrel time and time again. Did WKX not grow at all from it?" 
Of course, after meeting each other, they both grew and saved each other.
When he first left Window of Heaven, A-Xu was lonely with regret. Unlike the lone wolf who's used to doing everything alone, a lead horse without the last of his herd has no way to bear the bone-deep loneliness and merciless self-recrimination.
ZZS wandered around this world aimlessly until Lao Wen started pestering him, until he picked up Zhang Chengling, right up until he felt he hadn't singlehandedly destroyed the Four Seasons Manor. This lead horse finally regained a goal in life. He gained a partner and a lover. Lao Wen sticks to him, Chengling relies on him, and the abandoned Four Seasons Manor became like-new in his hands. He finally reconciles with himself. 
When he first came out of the valley, Lao Wen carried a rage strong enough to burn the world down. But when he met A-Xu, he also met the beauty of the world. 
When the Four Sages of Anji died, WKX understood how he caused innocent suffering. When Gao Chong walked to his death knowingly, he understood that although some may desire power, they could still be righteous and upstanding people. When he learned of everything Long Que sacrificed to protect his family***, he finally relaxed his guard. 
There were so many types of good people and things that he saw along this journey that he hadn't seen in the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu told him he was a good person as they basked in the sun, he genuinely wanted to return to the human (vs ghost) realm and be a good man. 
Along their journey, A-Xu made up for the morals and values that WKX lost in the Ghost Valley and showed him a new world outlook. He appeased Lao Wen's anger, tempered his extremism. The process wasn't easy, but not that difficult either, because, in the end, Lao Wen is kind at heart. 
But in the end, being a lone wolf is how he survived and succeeded in a place like the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu was so heavily injured and needed a lot of rest (for Wu Xi) to save his life, Lao Wen suddenly recalled his enemies and how such an excellent opportunity to take revenge just fell into his lap. Everything was in place, and all he needed to do was hide it from A-Xu; he could leave for a short while and have it settled quickly. Upon returning, he could then live happily ever after with his wife. To a crazy lone wolf, why would he not take a gamble? 
What he couldn't predict was the news would've been leaked (to A-Xu), and he didn't know that by doing so, he would've forever lost his love. 
Both of them were using their own methods to love the other person. Zhou Zishu is more forgiving and accepting because being forgiving is in his blood. While what WKX learned in his years in the Ghost Valley is -- love needs to be protected, like how he has A-Xiang, who he considers a sister, call himself master (to protect her). 
Only when faced with painful consequences can a person's deep-rooted habits and approach to things change. So I don't think faking his death ruined the characterisation of Wen Kexing, but I regret that the last two episodes did not have a scene to show us Lao Wen's heartbreak when he learns the truth. 
Until I know what it feels like to have lost you, I will only love you in my own way. 
T/N: 
*I can't think of the correct phrase for this as I don't read all that much about relationships >< please let me know if you know of it. Here, I'm referring to the process of wearing something new (like shoes) that will hurt at the start until it becomes soft and comfortable. 
** I did some side-reading, and omg, A-Xu is TOTALLY the lead mare. Although he's not the stallion and weak/dying for most of the show, he's the head of their little family, and he expects "to be obeyed", aka, I'm not going to learn how to cook. Call me for dinner. Kthxbye. 
From Rutgers' website: A herd of wild horses consists of one or two stallions, a group of mares, and their foals. The leader of the herd is usually an older mare (the "alpha mare"), even though one stallion owns the herd. She maintains her dominant role even though she may be physically weaker than the others. The older mare has had more experiences, more close encounters, and survived more threats than any other horse in the herd. The requirement of the lead horse is not strength or size; if this were so, then humans could never dominate a horse. Dominance is established not only through aggression but also through attitudes that let the other horses know she expects to be obeyed.
***I think this is important here because WKX wasn't crying for his loss. I think a big part of him was realising not everyone in the world was callous and turned their backs on his parents, that he could've gone his whole life without ever discovering what sacrifices some people have made. Good people suffer quietly and in silence. It's a big moment to realise he was wrong about many things that he had let hatred blind himself to the world. Because although he was sad about the Four Sages and somewhat shocked by Gao Chong's death, he hadn't truly faced up to his actions until now. 
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(screenshot of the scriptwriter liking the above post) 
------
To add: 
I'm not sure how many of you read my "opinion" posts, but I've been struggling to find a way to accept the last six episodes of Word of Honor.  I first tried looking at open forum postings, comments, and Tumblr posts. None of it worked because it was just arguing and emotions and no one made points good enough for me to accept things. 
So I gave up and went back to reading Chinese sites. I found many posts discussing the plot. Some I liked, some I didn't, but none satisfied my need for a reasonable explanation. I felt they had biases (both ways), or else it lacked logic. After a time, I realised that I should be looking for WKX-stans (or pro-WKX fans) because they would be more motivated to explain his side, but also because well-written posts by wenzhou-fans & ZZS-stans made me super sad.
I'm sorry, but those who keep trying to explain why the ending was good completely missed that episodes 32-34 are the real problem to those who don't like it and only focused on 36. I can understand if people don't think those episodes are a problem, but no one could provide an articulate and sensible reason. There are just too few well-reasoned plot-focused posts in English (sorry). I've seen too many examples of WKX-fans arguing with people who are upset about the ending, backed by nothing more than "look how much WKX suffers, woe is him. And how romantic is this????" *dies* 
Lastly, if you spot anything inaccurate, let me know & I will correct it.
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pinkponyclubb · 3 years
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young royals: wilmon and their zodiac signs
so, instead of working on my term paper i started thinking about what could be wille's and simon's big three. feel free to disagree with me, but i thought i'd share my thoughts!! this is all in good fun and isn't meant to be taken too seriously, so don't come at me lol
・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
a little explanation about what these placements mean in case you don't know: the sun sign builds one's identity and kind of serves as the blueprint for a person, a.k.a. the core. the moon sign is responsible for emotionality and rules how we deal with our moods and feelings. the rising sign is what many view as the mask we present other people, and it's responsible for how we react to our environment.
・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Wilhelm
virgo sun / libra moon / cancer rising
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virgo sun - people with their sun in virgo are constantly looking for ways to improve themselves and tend to don't ever think of themselves as good enough. this may cause a common state of anxiety, which we see wilhelm suffer from in very obvious ways throughout the entire season. he doesn't think he's good enough at being a prince (or, later, the crown prince), and his family literally making him say that he's the family disappointment in episode 1 probably didn‘t help. although virgos are willing to work hard, they might still feel like a lost cause because they tend to set unrealistic expectations for themselves and can't help but compare themselves to others. before they make a decision, people with their sun in virgo have to think everything through over and over again and due to their urge for perfectionism they might need a lot of time - final and definite decisions feel super difficult to make, and under pressure, they tend to crack under outside influences. moreover, virgos are not known to be very sociable. wilhelm even says once that he dislikes having to talk to a lot of people, even though once he does it, they don‘t react to him negatively.
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libra moon - wilhelm seems to heavily rely on another person to share his emotions with. in the beginning, that person is erik, but later we see simon become this person. after erik passes, wilhelm tries to stay away from simon for the sake of the crown, but then realises he needs him to hold on to. now, you might question this, because aren't people with their moon in libra also meant to be super charming? yes, and hear me out! indeed, wille is suffering from anxiety and also explicitly said that he doesn‘t enjoy socialising, BUT have you seen him talk to linda at the parent's day lunch? he immediately tried to make sure she'd feel comfortable in an environment she wasn't used to - maybe it's his manners and his upbringing, and of course he wants the mother of the guy he has a crush on to like him, but he seems to charm her with ease. another completely different thought i had was that when he gave in and denied it was him in the video after all in the final episode, he possibly did it to avoid another fight with his mother. librans crave harmony at all times and cannot stand people being mad at them or disappointed in them, and we have to consider that at this point, wille doesn't fully realise yet that this would be a dealbreaker for simon - so to wille, following his mother's wishes probably seemed like the best compromise.
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cancer rising - despite being a prince, wilhelm doesn't really portray stereotypical characteristics. he's shy, easily flustered, and emotional. when faced with conflict, he withdraws completely (e.g. when he asks simon to delete all of their texts instead of coming to him for comfort). cancer ascendants are known to be kind and sensitive, and they are careful about who they want to open up to. this leads to some cancer ascendants feeling rather lonely at times. they long for people they can feel safe around. when they are in love, they give their all, and they wear their heart on their sleeves (wille really sucks at hiding how much he likes simon, i think we can all agree on that). also, one of the typical cancerian's love languages is physical touch! once they manage to open up, they are good communicators (one thing that‘s so great about wilmon is that! they! talk! and i blame their immaculate zodiac placements).
・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Simon
pisces sun / scorpio moon / libra rising
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pisces sun - honestly, one of my favourite zodiac signs, and i say that as someone who does (unfortunately) not have a single pisces placement in her chart. people with their sun in pisces tend to be very sympathetic. very. they always try to understand each side of an argument, and are known to be incredibly open-minded. however, this ability to adapt might make them feel like they have to hide a part of themselves around certain people, and to other people they might seem a little like a push-over. they don't really dare to dream big out loud. pisceans are also prone to get into the arts one way or another - and as we all know, simon loves music and is a great singer! people with their sun in pisces would never intentionally hurt anyone, and always put their loved ones first, even over themselves (sara fittingly pointed this out in episode 6). saying 'no' is a hard task for them (remember in episode 5 when simon is very obviously still mad at wilhelm for what he did but forgives him anyways because wilhelm says he needs him?). pisceans like to ignore harsh realities, so when it comes at them, it hits hard. some even claim for pisceans to be a little masochistic, e.g. when they are getting into situations that will very obviously hurt them just for the sake of trusting another person.
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scorpio moon - now, i know that scorpios don't have the best reputation, but honestly, i think they're misunderstood. people with their moon in scorpio value emotionality unlike any other sign. they feel everything at the fullest, even if they're not necessarily sharing it; however, they are always up for anything that will grant them (negative or positive) emotional intensity, e.g. a passionate relationship. they don't do things halfway, it's all or nothing. to other people, they radiate strength, and scorpios are not scared of honesty - in fact, they value it.
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libra rising - i feel like this is the most debatable one, so feel free to disagree with me. libra ascendants are usually very likable. they are kind and fun to be around, because they care about everyone around them being comfortable. they also care deeply about fairness and equality (we see this in simon a lot, starting with him speaking up for lower classes in class in the very first episode). librans are known to be a little indecisive, but mainly because they want to make sure they made the best choice for everyone around them. they sometimes forget to put themselves first, and tend to feel guilty if they do so.
i hope this makes sense to you. it was really interesting to think about, and: bonus! it gives us an idea of what their birthdays could be. according to this, simon's birthday would be either the 10th or the 11th of march, 2004, and wille's birthday the 14th or 15th of september, 2004. like i said, this is obviously just wild guesses based on what we see in the show, but i'd love to hear your thoughts!!
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blacksunscorpio · 4 years
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What does it mean when I have a Capricorn signature?
Signature Sign In Astrology
You might have heard the term signature sign thrown around if you’ve been studying astrology for a while. Others of you might not have heard if this concept at all. It isn’t as well-known, however, it can reveal significant information about you.
What it Means
To put it plainly, the astrological signature sign is the zodiac sign that’s the most specific to you and your character.
How to find it
It involves noting which element and quality/modality appear the most or has the most signs and then combining them into a zodiac sign which is taken to be the signature sign of the chart. It will be easy to do because certain characteristics of signs will repeat themselves. It’s the most frequent modality and element in your natal chart.
Ex. 1 A person has more fire signs than any other element, and more fixed signs than any other quality, then that person's signature is Leo. In some cases, there is no clear majority in either element or quality to give a clear signature. When this occurs, an individual has an Ambiguous Signature.
Ex. 2  Let’s say you are a Taurus Sun, a fixed earth sign. But many planets in mutable signs take up residence in your chart. In addition, you have a multitude of planets in water. This makes you feel like a Neptunian/Pisces, which is a mutable water sign. You might not have many or any for that matter significant placements in Pisces but somehow still identify with the qualities of the sign to a great extent.
How To Find It Cont.
You weigh the elements and modalities of the sign where a planet is located in your chart. Begin with the Sun, next Moon and repeat this process for all the planets in your natal chart: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. The ascendant and the Midheaven also have to be considered.
Signature Signs Through The Zodiac
Aries signature
If Aries is your signature sign, you are ambitious and have a strong will. Boss-like. Warrior. Killer instinct. Can sometimes be hot-headed and impulsive, it happens that you act before you think instead of the other way around which can get you into serious trouble. Don’t be Oberyn from GoT and get cocky now. However, you’re a born leader and like to initiate things. Taking action is your second nature. No one will ever pull the Hermit card or 4 of cups for you in a Tarot reading. Way too active. A straightforward sign, which sometimes blends into bluntness, bossiness, or take-no-prisoners attitude. Being independent is very important to you. You hate being told what to do. You like to work alone if you can. Competitive and brave, someone who loves new challenges. You love to win. Will always be after new opportunities to conquer.
Taurus signature 
If Taurus is your astrological signature sign, you prefer to think before you act. Need a lot of time to make a decision, but once it’s done, nothing can make you change your mind. You are incredibly stubborn and persistent. Taurus is the sign of hedonism. If this is your signature sign in astrology, you know how to enjoy life. You appreciate good food, beautiful clothes, and everything luxurious. Taurus craves stability, both financially and emotionally. You are dependable and passionate. Love to cook and or shop for expensive and good quality things. Can be jealous in love or possessive as well. Bullheaded to the point of no return but just as ambitious when it comes to cultivating stability and wealth.
Gemini signature
If Gemini is your signature sign, you are curious, witty, and chatty. You are a great observant, someone who notices every detail, and then make a pun about it. Gemini is incredibly smart. They love to read and write, and they are usually talented when it comes to expressing themselves. However, Gemini because of their mercurial flighty nature can lack focus if they don’t reign it in somehow. This flightiness can give others the impression that they are sometimes superficial. You get bored veryyy quickly. Because of this, you need a lot of mental stimulation. Geminis are life-long learners, they are simply in love with knowledge. Need to be sure to keep that devil and angel [your twins] aligned so as to not make enemies or be seen as two-faced.
Cancer signature 
If Cancer is your signature sign in astrology, you are a gentle soul. However, you become easily overwhelmed with others. Cancer is a crab and will retreat into its shell if it’s not in the mood to deal. Can be moody and or need a lot of time on your own, in the safety of your home. They like to be surrounded by family members. You are soft and caring. HIGHKEY intuitive and can sense the emotions of others easily [especially when developed.] They are extremely protective of their loved ones. Will pinch you with their claws if you mess with them or someone they care about.
Leo signature
If your signature sign is Leo, you have a big heart. Quite warm and sincere. Famous for its generosity. They, like Jupiterians like to give- especially in terms of love and affection. Leos need luxury around them. They are the royalty of the zodiac, right? They enjoy being around others, making people laugh and cheering them up. Have lots of energy but a big ego to go with it. They love attention and might court it often or simply get it naturally since the Sun is in the mix here. Too much of the negative manifestation of Leo can make one prone to arrogance, bossiness, and boastfulness. It’s important to realize that this wounds people around you. If you show others your soft side, they will give you all the love you crave.
Virgo signature 
If Virgo is your signature sign, you are modest, effective, and helpful. Deeply analytical and process information at the drop of a hat. Productivity is very important to you. Virgos have a high attention to detail, and they solve problems by analyzing them. Rational and cerebral thinking is one of your greatest strengths. Quite reliable and have a strong sense of duty. Can be hyper-critical and a bit too compulsive in their tendencies. Prone to nervousness and anxious habits. However, this sign has a very powerful brain. They prefer thinking over feeling, which can be sometimes challenging for them. 
Libra signature 
If your signature sign is Libra, you’ll be quite elegant. Venusian, baby. No matter what they do, they’ll make sure to do it with their face on and in their best attire. Libras are graceful and charming. They have great social skills, and they get along with everyone. However, sometimes they don’t stand up for themselves even when they should or because they wish to avoid conflict at all costs. They can also be a bit superficial which might be perceived as “fake” by some. There’s a deep need to be liked. Quite good taste though. Keen artistic talents. Great diplomats and would do well as an ambassador or even in HR [actually, please think about getting into Human Resources, there are way too many pieces of shit in this particular department]. This sign strives to create harmony, both visually and in interpersonal relationships.
Scorpio signature 
If your signature sign is Scorpio, you possess the qualities of Pluto. You have a deep mind, are intense and probing with perhaps a bit of a mysterious aura. You make a perfect detective. Nothing stays hidden. Quite loyal and passionate with intense emotions. Intuition is superb, but you are very sensitive at the same time. Scorpio can become obsessed with the object of their love. May be prone to jealousy in love or be quite ruthless and vengeful if slighted. It’s important NOT to get on this person’s bad side because Scorpios rarely [if ever] forgive. Is probably very sexual or unmatched in bed. Might end up rich [Pluto=wealth]. Might become a Mafia-boss. Might become a dictator. Might run a funeral home. Depends, lol.
Sagittarius signature
Expansion. Jupiter rules this sign and as a result one with this signature loves new experiences that aid them in understanding the world better. Optimistic and with a great sense of humor, people love being around them. They have high energy levels and they are always on the go. If your signature sign is Sagittarius, you have an unshakable faith in the universe. Philosophical prowess and an open mind with a streak of jolliness The sign of philosophy, and always looking towards the bright side. Might be blunt, unattached, and a bit dramatic or louder than most, however, lucky breaks might come often or in the nick of time. Makes sense since Jupiter rules luck.
Capricorn signature 
If Capricorn is your signature sign, there are significant earthy vibes to you, no matter your actual sign. Said native is reliable, efficient, and incredibly meticulous, and high-key ambitious. There’s a great need for success that borderlines on obsession. They are empowered by executive achievements and accomplishments. Order, structure, and discipline are paramount. Capricorns are famous in astrology for being known as hard workers who put a lot of effort into achieving their goals. They do not give up. They will climb the ladder, do or die. Typically will be quite successful in life. Often accused of being cold or cruel. Hell, they might be. Still, they are in need and are deserving of love and commitment. Reliable in a relationship once they decide to stop restricting themselves of affection and give in.
Aquarius signature 
Unique and eccentric, you always notice it when you meet an Aquarian. If Aquarius is your signature sign, you prefer to live life on your own terms. Freedom is your most important value in life. You enjoy being around like-minded people, even though your relationships are usually not of an emotional nature. Aquarius is the sign of brilliance in astrology. I always say that Aquarians have the highest levels of analytical intelligence but sometimes get written off because they can be weirdos lol. Mad scientist vibes. Wonderful ideas, fascinated by everything new and modern. Tech geeks. Aquarius is also the sign of humanitarian ideals. If you have this sign strong in your chart, you have a strong sense of justice.
Pisces signature
If Pisces is your signature sign, you have a very strong intuition. Quite sensitive to the point that all that white noise can easily overwhelm them. Hard to make out reality sometimes. Hence, Pisces needs to spend a lot of time alone in suspension thinking about things. Compassionate and have a strong sympathy for those suffering. Great healing abilities and an even greater imagination and creative streak. Probably feels quite good around water and can have a psychic knack with animals. Can be very musical and often have strong artistic talents. Be sure to tether yourself to this world so as to not float off. Escapism is okay but don’t escape reality too much. You may have come from another realm but in this incarnation, you were placed here for a reason. You belong here on earth with us ;).  
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dallonm-archive · 4 years
Text
So I Turned Church Mud Into A Novel Lol Oops | NaNoWriMo 2020
Folks the JOURNEY I have been on in the last 3 days. I’ve been on a great albeit chaotic Church Mud high and it led to? This? 
For those who don’t know, Church Mud is meant to be a ~7k words short story for my writing dissertation (and it still is). I attempted to do Draft Zero over summer, completely missed the mark, pretended it didnt exist for a month and here we are. One thing I learnt from that attempt though was that there is a much wider story to be told than what we’d see in those 7k words. Back then I was content with it only existing as a short story, not having all the parts told, because I liked the idea of Felix and Dorothy existing in this small window with a happy ending that’d otherwise be temporary. But I cannot help myself :)  I met my advisor on Wednesday and reaffirmed that I’m at a really good place with this story in terms of ideas, themes and character - what’s missing was just the plot. So that’s what I’ve been working on (and killing my sleep schedule over) since, and what happened was:  I realise most of my ideas wouldn’t fit the short story --> But they’d work in a novel --> So I guess I’m writing Church Mud as a novel after I graduate? --> But I kinda wanna write it now --> But I can’t --> But I want to --> Chloe your dissertation --> Hey you want more novel content? Here’s chapter titles --> God I Can’t Wait To Write This As A Novel --> Hey that thing where you write a novel in a month is happening soon...could be a...perfect excuse to...….,,,
So I had a ~revelation~ at 4am: why can’t I write it now? NaNoWriMo coincides with when I’m meant to brainstorm this story, so why don’t I take what I have and pants it as a novel, intentionally #LoseNano2020 and use what I wrote to infer what the short story will look like whilst also have a Draft Zero to work with/finish/rewrite next year? I debated if this was a good idea because it felt ~unconventional~ but I realised that a) I want to write this as a novel anyway and b) this is where I’m loving the project and that’s what matters and c) makes it feel less like uni work lol  I’ve spent the all day playing around with what Church Mud The Novel would look like, and not only am I o b s s e s s e d but it also taught me? so much? about the short story? I was worried it’d get complicated but from the vague plot idea I have, I have a clear vision of Church Mud The Short Story separate from the novel, but I also see how it would fit into the novel as a chapter, and seeing where it’d fit in has really helped me figure out where it sits in the twins’ lives and so many elements I hadn’t considered before. I believe very strongly in Writers Intuition and my intuition is telling me that this is the direction I need to go with this project. My only issue is Church Mud doesn’t fit as a title for the novel at all and was never going to be the title, but I really don’t care oop, I’m not titling it until next year unless I come up with a title so good I want to change the short story as well lmao. But other than that this is working so well for me and really catalysed the momentum I already had atm for this story. I’ve also wanted to rework how I share Church Mud things here and this is a perfect way to at least for the next month, but before I ramble more lets actually talk about where the story is!
CHURCH MUD
Genre: literary fiction Setting: California (+ probably some other states? Idk I’m not American wtf is a state), 1986 POV: third person present + retrospective moments, split between twins Felix and Dorothy The Vibes: hazy summers, hot air, 3am, saltwater breeze, grainy photographs, empty roads at night, the moon blurred by clouds, arms resting out car windows, abandoned churches, telephone boxes, getting lost on purpose, cigarette smoke, dust from an old Bible Deals with: faith & the weaponization of it to control others, identity, perceptions of reality, chosen family, independence v co-dependence, free will, trauma & what it means to “let go”
CONTENT WARNINGS: religion/religious imagery (specifically Christianity), trauma, toxic relationships, inferred addiction (all updates will be tagged with these/any more specific warnings) 
This is still in very early conception, in the sense of it’s existence as a novel, but it’s definitely an expansion on the ideas I had for the short story, where these two seek to let go of their past together so they can live their own, new lives, and also restore their tangled relationship that could never be fixed through letters and distant contact.  When Dorothy left the controlling religious cult she grew up in, she never gave herself a chance to properly process the complicated emotions that came with that decision, or the trauma she went through, opting to cope with it by putting all her energy into building her new life and embracing her identity. Watching her brother navigate the same new, confusing path she took four years ago forces her to look back on her own experience, and the repressed memories of events that prompted her to leave in the first place. When Felix catches up with her, he struggles with the realisation that adjusting to this new life and world won’t be easy, and whilst it was the right choice, his impulsive decision has ramifications. Trauma does not necessarily stay in the place you associate it with and for Felix, it’s like seeing all of it from a birds eye view, all at once, including everything he blocked out. With his faith, his sister, and his drive to be a good person, he has hope for himself and the world, but the pain and anger he harbours will not make it easy for him. ^by no means a pitch literally just the copy paste of the quick summary I wrote for myself lmao
The most exciting part of this to me is how different, yet similar the novel feels. This version of the story isn’t necessarily happier, it’s still rough around the edges, but it’s definitely from a different mindset and there’s this haziness to it that doesn’t exist in the short story. It feels like a grainy home video that they’d never let see the light of day. I wouldn’t call it dreamlike or softer because of this, but there is this distinct tonal shift from the short story to the novel that I can only describe through the aforementioned Vibes. As I said, I have an idea of where the short story would fit into the novel’s timeline as a chapter, but they still won’t be the same. The short story is obviously more restricted to one singular event, and that turns the intensity and tension up high. This difference is also 100% influenced by the fact that the short story is set only at night (bar for some potential flashbacks), and the night plays a huge thematic and atmospheric role. Of course parts of the novel will take place at night, but the presence of daytime changes the mindset to me? In the short story it feels like they’re stuck in this perpetuate-esque night, whereas in the novel you know that the sun will always rise.
This story is also very different aesthetically, but at the same time elements of the short story’s aesthetic come into play and clash with the unique aesthetic of the novel, where they coexist, but are also in conflict with each other. As you can tell from these two moodboards where you can really see how for the second I gave up trying to make it coherent lmao: 
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To me there are two distinct aesthetics, and they are both very different and exist in different ways, but they are both inherently part of the story, and it feeds into this idea of perception of reality and these two realities that the twins perceive: the “outside world” and the gated world they grew up in.
The stars of the show, my favourite disaster twins:
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Not fragile, but not made of stone either
Loves very hard, sometimes more than she’d like 
A protective and loyal soul, especially with those she loves, but she never wants to forget to protect herself 
If I’m in love with my best (female) friend, no I’m not <3
-goes to the edge of the pier and stares wistfully at the ocean so everyone knows that I am the main character- 
Loves her brother more than anyone else but is struggling to figure out his new role in her life. As teenagers she felt painfully tethered to him because they were always The Twins, and she had nobody else, as adults she hopes to find a balance between their deeply close bond and their harshly different lives 
Arc driven by defining your identity and then redefining it, and facing the parts of it you’d rather lock far away. Also deals with her experience growing up as a girl in a religious cult in the 60s/70s, and the relationship faith has with her feminist identity. 
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As of now, there’s more focus on him in the novel, since the short story focuses on Dorothy and I feel to write him from an observer perspective I need to get into his head first 
Just found out restarting your life completely is hard?
Trying to be a good person, wants to be a good person, but there’s an anger in him that he hates but it’s festering and it’s growing
But ultimately he is a sweet and soft person and that’s what he wants to be in life even though it’s hard, it shows especially with his sister
I think at some point he locks himself in a cabin and? I would too
Centred around perception of trauma and v influenced by my own experiences with that, where you think things will be easier as soon as you leave that situation but really it just makes you look at everything from a distance and be like “what the fuck?? that actually happened??” (which conflicts with the fact that you KNOW you’re in a better place and you would never go back, but it hurts and it’s hard especially understanding the placement of your trauma in this new space) 
I need to give this dude and his sister a happy ending for my own wellbeing. I don’t know how that’ll look but these two will get their happy endings. I actually don’t think I’ve loved two characters more and I love all my characters deeply 
And I think that’s all for now! This 100% was not the direction I expected to take but I am so glad I did, and I also love the opportunity to reintroduce this story because good Lord it’s changed so much (and this instance is the most change). I also think this is the perfect Nano scenario for me, as someone who’s never done it before, there’s zero pressure on me to “win” because I don’t expect to even finish this. I’m just going to see where it takes me and see what it’s given me at the end of the month.  I’m also not outlining this at all lmao, one because me and outlines do not get along but also my Preptober is just. the work I have to do for my dissertation anyway, which is reading and gathering a lot of fiction/nonfiction about cults/religion, and all the weird and unhinged takes on it. It’s very slow but it’s also fun! My uni work this weekend is literally to read The Girls by Emma Cline so I think I won here?? I also want to dedicate the rest of October to the short stories I planned to write for Nano (I was going to work on my collection).
I don’t know if I’ll do a taglist for this - I have the og Church Mud one but like I said I’m rethinking how I want to share this story and updates for this will only be regular in November so?? But chances are I will be constantly on my bullshit for the next month and a half with this story, pretty update or no pretty update 
My NaNoWriMo page is here, although fair warning I have No idea how this site works, this is my boomer moment. Excited to clown about this story though!
- Chloe 
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ferie-anon · 3 years
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(●’◡’●)ノ hey, I hope you could look at my signs and see which member in NCT (any sub unit) would you ship me with? My placements are: aries sun & mercury, aquarius moon, saggitarius rising, capricorn mars, and pisces venus:)) Thanks!💗
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(Your moodboard)
Alrighty, aries sun with aquarius moon, so I see you are someone with strong opinions and stubborn of your own beliefs/views. Probably rlly active, physically and mentally, your thought process and randomness is always intriguing and inspiring for others. With aries mercury, you adhere genuine thoughts, honesty, and expect loyalty just as you are loyal and there for those you care about. With pisces venus, you are sweet, self-less in love, and it is quite balanced with your aries energy that you choose to give your all, and heart to those you trust. Also that emoji in your ask desc, is literally uwu your placements make for someone genuine/authentic, and you also desire/value those same things back. Your aquarius moon with sag rising, kinda makes you pretty easygoing/the impression, idk wut it is but you seem someone who is able to cheer up or bring light to others, aquarius moons are actually pretty funny imo, they rlly got this thing going on where ppl be loving them and they don’t even know who these ppl. With sag rising, I feel you may be pretty active irl in some aspect, maybe hanging out with friends? Or going somewhere/doing any activities. Your complexion/impression may be glowy/healthy, in the sense, or physically. Lastly, your capricorn mars pairs well with your pisces venus and everything imo, with capricorn mars you hold yourself to a certain set of work ethic of consistency, carry and are aware of the responsibility, and you also show through care of others by taking care of them in a way, capricorn mars are lowkey smoothly quiet when aiding someone. I appreciate capricorn mars grounding/consistent nature becuz you guys are always getting something done or mostly.
Your match in Nct is.... Johnny!
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Johnny here has an aquarius sun with a gemini moon! Fun in many different ways and every type of moment with Johnny is quite not the typical norm, something that will always be unrestricting and free but mentally stimulating. (Well in Nct, not the norm seems often there lol) With double air in the big 3, his sun in aquarius makes him someone who is quietly resilient yet engaging and a bit distant from his true personal feelings to new ppl, as aquariuses open up once they feel like they’re comfortable with sharing their true emotions with someone they care and trust enough. After all, there’s many aspects and layers of Johnny from wut we have seen, his variety moments, then his serious and lowkey intimidating moments as he is one of the eldest, and him with his members, playing along with them and talking with them personally. Johnny has a lot of meme moments, or rather memes insert in many video compilation of nct, it’s either iconic or just very “johnny” of him in terms of thinking, but remains memorable in nct content which can show of aquarius innovation and making new statements(moments/events). His gemini moon makes him share his intellect of moving through his thoughts quickly, at times making him quite reflexive verbally and etc, and him being random at times becuz gemini moons are the type of brains that will go through so many ideas and thoughts that wut u see may be only a fraction or part of their wittiness and intellect. The first meeting of a scenario, would be the first day at campus/college or uni. Though you heard or thought you heard some screeches that were similar to a parrot, and spotted the noise coming from a tall boy who was chilling and fooling around with his friend group. 'Hmm wut was that lol', you chuckled to yourself as you rush to the entrance realizing you're nearly late.
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(Johnny explaining the term “oh daddy” is iconic and so awkwardly hilarious in context)
Johnny's moon is in gemini, and these natives are logical, ends up attempting to rationalize emotions through why they feel this way, however they appear distant emotionally or rather not be upfront with taking of their emotions till someone close, as with their playful and spontaneous they are deep down emotionally vulnerable and caring of others but shown in a rather lighthearted and communicative way. Displayed, Johnny on camera and all doesn't seem to publically display or make known of his emotional moments and etc, and that despite being one of the oldest, they still care a lot and face other emotional conflicts innerly thought they don't display as much as they're seen as dependable and taking care of others as the oldest ones. With your aquarius moon, you both are similar in that your emotional needs and feelings aren’t directly channeled or displayed at first. With aqua moon, as they rather open up eventually to the one they find trust and closeness with, new ppl/acquaintances coming into the life may not get to fully grasp your emotional sense of thoughts and may only be able to get the notion of your somewhat detached nature/closed off to ones you have yet to trust or be close to. Both of you guys are inquisitive and observant, however aquarius moon are observant like self aware of the final outcome or contribute to the big picture of all the details they intake. While gemini moons notice detailed things and small tidbits and things that comes through their mind. You both will be able to grow more open and navigate through the emotional space and company of each other with the similarities and with some differences regarding your thinkings, it will be a good development of new perspectives for each other. The communication will be very expanded upon, both being active mentally-wise and bonding together will bring new topics/ease at expressing oneself.
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His mercury is in aquarius. Aha, these ppl communicate in a very intriguing, funny/expressive way that isn’t typically boring in a way. Either fromt eh way they speak or present their explanation, there’s something that is expressively creative or genius-like in the out of norm examples or speech they draw out. Becuz they think from different approaches to explaining the issue or concept, they’re good at making “sense” in some form, and others being persuaded at times and seeing a different perspective with their logic. So combined with Johnny’s gemini moon, the creative juices of humor and words with his aquarius mercury makes him quite the fun and mentally stimulating conversationer, at one point he’s basically enlightening u with deep social issues topics and talking about thoughts, then springing up a new topic about ten being scared of fruits and coming up with theories and jokes (or he’s gonna switch the topic again lol). With your aries mercury, u would enjoy his active perspectives and logic, mostly u would challenge it with ur own opinion and perspective and u guys were talk extensively on it, tho it may lead to banter mainly u attempting to stand by ur point for some topics, and sometimes u both would be laughing it off during a convo becuz u both thought it was funny and agreed with each other. Spontaneity and intellect in the mix is an enjoyable rollercoaster ride lol.
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He has venus in capricorn~ Cue Johnny explaining the term “oh daddy”, cuz he himself is lowkey one- jkjk on the pg rated side, there’s a sense of security and trust that comes with reliability of each other here, where Johnny would like to be able to provide that sense of secureness, whether emotionally, or “materially”, that ties with the bond and connection that is made and also initiates and desires stability. Johnny wouldn’t be very upfront regarding his affections and physical displayment of love or feelings, but it would be inherently noticed by you eventually, you may be a bit oblivious at first like “..? Oh he did something thoughtful becuz of me”. (Mark cheerleading in the audience: “oh dude he’s flirting”) Your pisces venus would give words of affirmations and selfless help and attentiveness at him, it may just be watching and wandering around him as you guys talk or eat. And he would also notice, tho similarly he may be a bit oblivious but probs realize quicker, ‘oh that’s why u said that-‘. I feel like you would initiate physical touch/skinship to express yourself, it may be subtle like hand holding or just playing around with his sleeve or hand. Johnny would be smiling softly inside, he would have a sliight lift of the corners of his lips in reaction to wut ur doing, cuz he wanna play it cool/he’s “totally not paying attention to wut ur doing”. Cute vibes yall.
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Lastly, Johnny has mars in leo. Yuh, get into it, lol Johnny definitely is ambitious and also driven/puts it into action of it. The passion these placement exhibit and hold within their emotional desires and channel it through to get the success/outcome that they work for, Johnny is very talented in many aspects. Dancing and with a focus of the things they love, like for johnny being an idol, performing, interacting with fans international and in korea, and having a good time all through becuz that’s wut their heart is at. A focus/motivation that pushes through from their heart’s ambitious passion. (That probs didn’t make sense lol) Anyways paired with your capricorn mars, yall are power duo in this aspect of working till you meet ur goal/get that bag lol. In all seriousness, you both are ambitious, and where the amount of hard work lies is evident in both of yall. I would say leo mars are more reactive regarding their ambitions and dreams, linked to it in a firey manner or expression, like they’re charging through to it. Whereas your capricorn mars may be more pragmatic about the process but also charging through to meet ends of the goal. Though his leo mars does opposite your aquarius moon, the attraction drawn through each others difference in manners and execution is enough to create a expansion of new perspectives for each other as u guys spend more time. In the end u both will be able to understand each others own initiation and process of thinking and action, and the team work and work ethic together will be formidable to others ahaha.
Overall, it’s very interactive, fun, and a learning and experiencing relationship that is also calming in some aspects. The talkative couple, that would even say weird shit conversationally lol and everyone would not bat an eye becuz it’s “normal”. Goofing around and then being very close to each other that u both are comfortable in that aspect, so expressing your feelings to each other and dates would be cute and fun learning and experiencing from each other and hardships that you both face together to pull each other up for the better, very mutually caring. Yall are memey couple combined with intellectual sense of wisdom and care, and also power in focus of ur own passions and ambitions. The vibes you both exude together ->🍓✨🐠☀️🦭💅💞👯‍♀️📽 🍧 👜
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neozoneships · 3 years
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Hi! Could I please have a personality/written ship with Nct 127, Nct Dream, and WayV (LOL SO ALL UNITS)?... thank you and take your time 💚
@cgibsky hello!! thank you for waiting patiently and requesting for a ship! you seem like a cool person hahaha here are your ships! ( ˙꒳​˙ )
from nct 127, i ship you with... jungwoo!
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tbh this was rather difficult umm i thought of jungwoo! because of his sun sign and mbti type. he's a pisces so he'll be able to get along with you pleasantly. his mbti is infj, which will complement with you as an infp. you'll find that you'll share a lot of commonalities with him; plus, you're both compassionate and love to help others. i think jungwoo is a great conversationalist, and he'll definitely understand where you're coming from. he'll also know when and where to thread lightly in terms of conversation, because he does not want to hurt or offend your feelings. you'll find that talking and opening up to jungwoo is so easy and everything comes naturally. and you don't have to worry about your social energy because jungwoo, being an introvert, would not have a high social energy either. he's basically your happy pill, and he'll do everything in his power to cheer you up when you're feeling low. i hope you like skinship, because this boy would not stop touching you, i swear it's his love language. he'll always snuggle in the crook of your shoulder or on your lap, and he just acts like a big baby when he's around you. but you dont mind, because he's your baby
from nct dream, i ship you with... mark!
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astrologically wise, i think mark is most compatible with you! and also mbti-wise, he's also an infj, like jungwoo (actually, spoiler alert: all three of your ships are coincidentally infjs). that makes mark super duper approachable. you'll bond over so many things, one of which is probably the shared love for music, especially r&b and similar soft genres. mark is 101% boyfriend material: he'll just surprise you with flowers randomly, cook a meal for you after a long day of work or he'll give you a long warm hug just to comfort you. he'll probably also constantly serenade you with his guitar and angelic vocals. there will never be a day where mark does not show you he appreciates and loves you. similar to jungwoo, mark does not require a high social energy so being with him does not tire you out at all. mark's a giggly guy so he'll constantly laugh at your antics or the jokes you make. if you guys are not going out on dates, i'm pretty sure the two of you will just be at home binge-watching netflix or disney movies. ooh yes i can totally see two of you belting out iconic disney songs as you watch the movies aha
from wayv, i ship you with... ten!
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astrologically-wise, i think ten is also rather compatible too! being a pisces sun, gemini moon also, aries venus and pisces mars, ten would match your energy almost too well. in terms of mbti, well, ten is also an infj, so there'll be a good mix of energy between the two of you. the both of you are highly empathetic and would make time for those around you often. conflicts between the two of you would be minimal because you both want harmony in your relationship + your empathy levels + your creativity to come up with solutions. ten's quite humorous so it'll be easy for you to open up and warm up to him. ten has an eye for aesthetics so he can definitely appreciate artwork when he sees one. hence, the both of you would often visit art museums and exhibitions together. i think it's really cute that you like to write and he likes to draw, it's like some creative artistic power couple i live to see for. undoubtedly, both of your skills will definitely impress others
GIFs not mine! credits to owners
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angstyaches · 3 years
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All the even numbers of the 100 oc question thing for Payton pls
Milo, darling, thank you! I’m gonna pop these under a cut because it got to almost 3,000 words 😂🖤
2. Do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? What things would you talk about?
Oh god, thinking about this is stressing me out. I’m awkward when meeting anyone for the first time, so we’d probably just be painfully polite to each other and talking about the weather and - agh, no. Don’t make me do it!!
4. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life?
They’re somewhere down the middle. They jumped off a cliff into freezing cold water even though they can’t swim well, because their (now ex) girlfriend wanted to do it.
6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why?
A lot. Even if they’re wearing something boring like sweat pants and a t-shirt, they’ll have chosen it with careful consideration. Their gender dysphoria shifts so that some days they want to present as masculine, others as androgynous, and choosing the right clothes is their sole way of feeling mildly comfortable.
8. What kind of flavours does your oc like? How much spice can they handle?
Payton has an arguably basic palate, and likes simple and bland(ish) foods. They can handle spice pretty well too, so long as it’s not in huge amounts. 
10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop?
Payton gets antsy when they know that other people know a secret and they don’t. Even if it’s nothing to do with them, or with anything they care about, it eats away at them. They get a little whiny and keep badgering people with guesses until they find out what’s going on.
They also hate it when customers at the coffee shop come up to the counter and say “The usual!”, as though they’re the only customer who regularly comes in and orders the same drink. Payton rarely loses their smile when talking to a customer though, and will only complain about it in private later.
12. How well would your oc handle being placed in a leadership position?
Considering they’re a Grade A Pushover, not very well. Payton would get overwhelmed by everyone else’s ideas and needs, and be unable to make a decision knowing they can’t please everyone.
14. What is your oc’s speech like? How loud are they usually? Do they have an accent or a stutter?
Payton is very soft-spoken until they’re made to laugh or feel some other strong emotion, and at that point their voice gets a little high-pitched. (I’m gonna skip the accent bit because I haven’t settled too much on the geography portion of Lucyverse lol)
16. How affectionate is your oc? How do they convey their affection? By being touchy, or through more subtle ways?
Fairly affectionate, and usually good at picking up on when someone needs reassurance. They’ll usually be verbally affectionate, even though they themself are often in need of physical touch.
18. How physically strong is your oc? Is their agility or endurance better?
Payton is relatively fit, but not particularly strong or fast. They’re the kind to enthusiastically begin a brisk walk up a mountain trail, but be complaining of sore legs fifteen minutes in.
20. Does your oc have any favourite games to pass the time? What other hobbies do they have?
Payton sometimes plays chill, open-ended video games like Minecraft or the Sims. They also play a little electric guitar and watch a lot of old movies.
22. How easily does your oc fare in the sun? Do they tan or burn easily? Are they completely unaffected?
Payton already has slightly dark skin, but they tan a little more if they’re in the sun for a very long time.
24. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic?
A hopeless romantic, but very shy about it. Will have a million ideas for how to impress Autumn, but will be too embarrassed or afraid of things going wrong to actually put them into action.
26. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like?
Payton is a deep sleeper unless there’s something on their mind, in which case they jolt awake several times with tense joints and grinding teeth. If alone, they lie on their stomach with one arm under the pillow, blanket pulled all the way up, but if they’re with Autumn, they like to spoon (either as big or little; as a couple, they switch it up a lot).
28. How organized is your oc? How important is organization to your oc?
Organised enough that they couldn’t be classed as messy, but disorganised enough that they will break into a momentary cold sweat if asked to locate something quickly. 
30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist?
Payton is often too empathetic. They wouldn’t really put themself in an “adopting” or “protecting” role, but goes out of their way to make sure the people around them feel heard and understood.
32. How judgemental is your oc? Do they keep an open mind about people, or are they the type to judge a book by its cover?
They try not to make any assumptions about people, but find it difficult sometimes when they meet so many customers in a day and don’t receive any information besides their appearances and their coffee orders.
34. Does your oc have a pet? If they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? How well could they care for it?
They do not, but they would get a tank of tropical fish if they had more space and more income. They would take amazing care of them, and would probably even make an Instagram account for the tank.
36. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most?
They would lean towards flight, and it would kick in if they were being threatened or verbally abused, or if the situation was just getting too much to bear in general.
38. What does your oc do to relax? Any specific activities? Why?
Payton enjoys baths after particularly stressful days, just because it’s private and they can pretend time doesn’t exist for a little while. They can also get their mind off of things by watching or creating something.
40. What languages does your oc know? Are there any they want to learn but haven’t had the chance to? How good are they at picking up new ones?
English and secondary school-level French. They have a slight grasp of Urdu because of their Pakistani grandmother who they were close with growing up, but they can understand it more than they can speak it.
42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why?
Payton is more a realist, because while they would love to be an optimist (and sometimes they are, if they can’t help themself), they’ve had too many disappointments in life to let themself get carried away.
44. How violent is your oc? Or are they more a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict?
Pacifist. Unfortunately, they’ll often change their opinion or stance in order to diffuse a situation, buckling under pressure if they think things will escalate into a fight.
46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them?
The truth is important to them, but they also realise the damage it can do if it’s shared at the wrong time. They really don’t like being lied to though, as they then overthink about how stupid they must have looked while they were believing the lie.
48. What are your oc’s nervous tics? Are they aware of them? Do they attempt to hide them?
Payton scratches or rubs their neck a lot when they’re anxious, which they’re sometimes aware of, but aren’t too self-conscious about.
50. How attentive is your oc? How perceptive are they? How easily do they get distracted?
They’re attentive to the people around them, and fairly perceptive of other people’s needs, until they feel overwhelmed or exhausted, and then they’ll get easily distracted by a stray train of thought.
52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out?
Payton rarely lashes out, but will get emotional if their anger simmers for too long without being resolved. They’re more likely to grieve the end of something thanks to anger, than fight for it and risk failing.
54. How would you describe your oc’s voice to sound like? Do you have any voice claims for them?
As I said before, Payton is soft-spoken but with a slightly high-pitched voice when it’s raised. I don’t know about any voice claims.
56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?
Their favourite colour is orange! I think orange is a good colour to represent them too because it’s bright but at the same time it’s a deep, intense colour.
58. How would you describe your oc’s appearance to someone who’s looking for them? What features would be most identifiable?
5″8, dark hair, long bangs (probably) covering one side of their face (unless they’re at work), eyebrow piercing.
60. How good is your oc at keeping track of time? Are they always late, always early, or always right on time?
Payton keeps fairly good time, since they really don’t like the idea of making anyone wait around for them.
62. How quick is your oc? Do they have faster or slower reflexes? What things are they quickest at?
Payton works quickly, and gets customers’ orders made in very good time, but if they’re asked to change tasks halfway through completing another, they get serious mental whiplash and slow down a lot.
64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues?
Envy, and Charity. (Sounds very contradictory actually!)
66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving?
Even though they don’t outwardly look like a style guru, they’re the one that their friends go to if they want advice on an outfit, or on a tattoo or piercing they’re thinking of getting. They’re also good at giving advice on drama and relationships, since they’re able to put themself in other peoples’ shoes.
68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare?
Food. Just feed the sad Payton, they’ll be okay. They’re sad less often when they get together with Autumn and sort everything out with Donnacha.
70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why?
All they would want to do is slow down time so they can keep working at the coffee shop and take all the time they need to decide about what career they want to follow afterwards.
72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like?
It would be an urban oasis type of place, like a little park in the city, with a fountain or a space for street performers to put on shows. Nothing fancy or stylish needed. I’m picturing late autumn evening, the sun just dipping behind the buildings and treetops.
74. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired?
Payton doesn’t actually drink, but if they did, they would get really clingy and affectionate at first, but quickly dissolve into crying. And actually, tired (or hungry) Payton is more or less the same, but on a less dramatic scale.
76. What is/was your oc’s relationship with their family like? Was it happy, tense, or abusive? What living family does your oc currently have, if any?
Payton was raised by their aunt and uncle, who they had a decent but not overly close relationship with. They never felt understood in that household, but never unsafe either. Their living family members are their aunt and uncle, and their two cousins.
78. How socially skilled is your oc? Are they good at understanding social cues? How charismatic are they?
They’re extremely charming at first meeting
80. What is your oc’s handwriting like? How easy to read is it? Can they write/read cursive?
Payton has very tidy cursive handwriting that most people can read easily. They used to dot their I’s with little bubbles instead of dots when they were younger, and they sometimes do it by accident if they’re not paying attention.
82. What would be your oc’s ultimate dream vacation? Where would they go? Who would they take with them? What would they do?
As long as they could explore a new place and learn about a new culture, they would be set. Egypt, Vietnam, and Iceland are all on their bucket list. They’d love for Autumn to go with them, but they’re not opposed to traveling alone if it was in a country where they’d feel safe.
84. Is your oc more masculine, feminine, androgynous, or something else entirely?
It literally depends on the day.
86. What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct?
People might assume Payton is shy and probably a bit rude, since they tend to hide a lot of their face with their hair and keep their head down, but as soon as they start talking, people realise they’re actually really friendly and kind.
88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals?
No, Payton doesn’t see the use in holding grudges and just sees it as a waste of energy. When a friendship ends over a mistake or a betrayal, they grieve the relationship and then try to let it go.
90. Does your oc have any objects they could never give up? Why is it so important to them? Do they have any family heirlooms?
They have a shoebox of random mementos, including a friendship bracelet and a note from their first girlfriend, a necklace given to them by their grandmother, rocks from the beach and pressed flowers, their first phone (a purple flip-phone), some photo negatives; just some things they feel attached to, some for inexplicable reasons.
92. What trait does your oc appreciate or admire the most in others? Why?
They appreciate passion in others. It doesn’t have to be something big, like Autumn’s love for theatre, Lucy’s desire to unmask the face of reality itself, or Donnacha’s love of flying, because they also recognise Henry’s insatiable hunger for discovering the good in people, and how their boss Jake carefully manages his staff despite the fact that coffee shop manager was never his dream or ideal job.
94. Does your oc rely more on a logical or emotional mindset? What situations would this be the opposite?
A bit of both, in that they would consider other people’s emotions and try to find a logical way to satisfy everyone’s needs (or as many people’s needs as possible). They might lean more heavily on logic if Payton themself was the only person involved and they had nothing else to go on.
96. Describe your oc in three words. What three words would they use to describe themselves?
My words: comfortable, endearing, and unforgettable. Their own words: hard-working, approachable, and (a little) annoying.
98. Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to?
In school, they had no close friends, aside from their (then) girlfriend, mainly because they never felt like they fit into any of the cliques that kids tend to form. But they were still someone that classmates would occasionally talk to, they would still be invited to major parties, and would always find someone to sit with if they were in need of company. Aside from Autumn, they would say that Lucy is their closest friend, but after living with Henry and Donnacha for almost two years too, they would be extremely devastated if they lost them.
100. Does your character ever swear? How often? How vulgar is their swearing?
Payton doesn’t swear, which is pretty fucking unusual for one of my OCs, huh? (See what I did?)
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