#which...i doubt it ever will but the internet is a strange place | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piedpiperart · 1 year

Text

DC x SPN prompt idea

Sam and Dean get a tip about a haunted mansion from Bobby and they go check it out. It’s Drake Manor in Gotham City, which wouldn’t be a problem since no one was supposed to be living there. Except there was.

Sam and Dean meet Tim as they break into his house. Tim at first thinks they’re burglars but notices they’re carrying strange occult stuff. Tim looks at their stuff for a sec and just goes oh, are you here for the ghost?

And the boys, who had thought the kid was a) not alive or b) some sort of creature, are a bit thrown that this tiny child was left alone for months dealing with this ghost haunting his house.

Tim explains that he thinks she’s the ghost of his previous nanny before his parents fired her, but says she doesn’t do anything harmful, just tries to keep him company or get him to eat more often. She only breaks stuff when his parents are around but she stopped after it got him in trouble.

While Tim is sad for his ghost friend to be gone, he absolutely questions the heck out of Sam and Dean about all sorts of supernatural creatures and ghosts. Sam shows him ways to stay safe and avoid places with signs, etc. Dean teaches him how to fight and shoot weapons.

Tim is like seven or eight and pretty much blackmails Sam and Dean into teaching him how to be a hunter, and Tim ends up finding missions for them because he turns out to be a better hacker than Sam and Bobby. He gets the hunters money, sets up a network of information where hunters work together, and makes gadgets and gizmos for the guys to use against creatures.

Dean and Sam are worried about this small child alone in the house but think he’s better off there than as a hunter out in the real world. They don’t expect Tim to force his way into helping them, and every so often when they need help or info they call Tim then remind him to do homework or eat something.

Their road-trips now have frequent stops by Gotham, and even Bobby’s been able to make the trip to meet the lil guy who hacks his computer every week.

Tim also still knows Bruce is batman, and eventually becomes Robin, right. So he’s off doing that and keeping the whole supernatural world secret from Batman. Sam and Dean however, know the kid too well and eventually find out Tim is Robin. They may or may not take that well.

But! Since Tim is already aware of the ways of browsing the news and internet for crazy interesting cases and crimes, he comes across some posts about a potential zombie. Lo and behold- it’s Jason! So Tim calls Bruce and gets them sorted out. Maybe Talia still finds a way to kidnap him though, or Tim fights her on his own to keep Jason and loses, etc.

Either way, Tim ends up on the outs with the family still because he thinks he’s just filling in for Jason. So when his parents die and Tim is in need of a fake uncle? Who else would he call but Bobby!!

Just imagining Bruce and Bobby in the same room oh man. No doubt Alfred and Bobby would get along or absolutely hate each-other and no in between. I think Bobby would win in a fight against Alfred though. Just sayin.

Que Tim taking a call from Dean while he’s patrolling, thinking he’s alone as he details how to graphically kill someone, only to hang up and turn to see Jason standing right there.

Just, many shenanigans for how Tim seems a bit more unhinged than they thought. Like yeah Robin doesn’t kill, can’t kill when you work for Bats, but Tim Drake the Hunter made no such promises. Tim’s like ‘my first kill-‘ and freaks out the bats until he saves it by saying he’s talking about a game.

Sam and Dean come for a visit and Dick is suspicious. Tim goes on hunter missions and comes back with unexplained wounds. One of the bats might see him kill something and the guy turns to dust. Tim’s like no one will ever believe you.

As Tim drifts away from the bats he goes on trips with sam and Dean or helps bobby upgrade his tech. He lets Dean keep a batarang.

Maybe when Bruce is stuck in the time stream the first person he calls is Dean and Sam and Bobby. They’re like oh hey meet Cas, who then is like “Batman should not be allowed to alter the timeline” and just brings him back. He starts maybe using Cas for emergencies, or Dean tells Cas to keep an eye on tim only for him to step in whenever Tim seems in danger, even when he isn’t. Que Tim trying to convince Cas to wear a disguise when rescuing him in the field, etc..

Or maybe Tim makes a deal with a demon! He brings back Bruce but is fantastic at loopholes and gets out of hell card. Maybe Crowley is angry and takes his spleen just cuz. Dean is not happy.

Supernatural occurrences in the field happen and Tim solves it easily. No explanation. Maybe Constantine comes to solve it only to take one look at Tim and go “fuckin’ hunters, geez”. Or alternatively Tim corrects Constantine, saying stuff like you mispronounced (insert Latin word) or something like that.

Just, overall Tim shenanigans because if one of the bats had knowledge of the supernatural it would totally be Tim.

#Jody mills might even try to adopt Tim #sheriff mills meets officer Dick grayson #he prolly gets a lecture #fake uncle Bobby #except he’s not fake at all #because he’s part of Tim’s family now and they forged documents #Tim as CEO basically funds the hunters #he sends them tech to combat the supernatural and all of a sudden hunts are so easy now #imagine Tim getting anti posession tattoo though #any of the bats see smol Tim with a tattoo will lose their minds #Tim says he did it himself (a lie) like a stick and poke #doesn’t reassure anyone #but Bobby thinks it’s funny #Tim calls damian an idjit #makes damian mad because he doesn’t even know #just #I love this concept

129 notes · View notes

ramayantika · 8 months

Text

Random free gyan for chotus here

I took time off from social media, news, everything for a while. I logged out of my main insta page. I used the internet only to watch lectures, dance and writing. I have come back but I no longer login to tumblr like I used to nor do I use my other accounts for Instagram that much. My main account is still logged out since 27th August. Hence, here are some few things I discovered/realized

1. Navigating through loneliness, FOMO, and restlessness about your work/future/friends etc

I took a drop year in 2022, gave entrance exams till July and I have now secured a college. All this while I barely talked to my school friends who themselves were busy in their courses and college activities. So it does feel sad and a little depressing seeing everyone do other stuff while you are here in a small room studying the same 11th 12th books.

Then I made a new insta account once again after my exam dates neared so I would reconnect with everyone again. Does it happen so easily? Not at all. I was still alone. I would like reels, stories and posts but apart from that nothing except a few calls from friends.

That did give me a desperation to share everything about myself. No one to talk to, no friend nearby and you have so much to talk. I remember staying late up and writing god knows what on my closed stories, ranting about my crying episodes every damn thing. Then after getting a college I was still feeling lost, thinking what to do ahead regarding my career plans. I would then chat with whoever I found from school groups or online friends groupchats late at night but a lot of it was just shallow interaction because I wanted to pass time and not utilize time. We all write about the strange cringe feeling we get after oversharing about ourselves, put up memes for it, but do we ever work on it.

Yes, you can shitpost on tumblr, reblog those relatable posts but you have to put in work to control yourself. And after a while I was fed up. I knew I needed to change it. I needed to put a line over myself which made me disable and log out social media accounts. I came back home after completing my admission related work at my college, finally deciding to find my own worth, fix my restless hopeless personality for wanting to share everything on the first online app I get. This doesn't mean that you stop posting on tumblr. I literally wrote in all caps about savitha Sastry, dance stuff, college, yes. But if you are someone who is alone preparing for exams, away from friends, do not give in to that strong desperate urge to put up everything for everyone to read; to share every bit of it to the new person you made friends online.

I have had my own share of FOMO. Not knowing what I am doing with myself while seeing others doing internships, attending competitions, fests and trips while I sit here scrolling right to left. We are all online most of the time, but it is really necessary to not attach your sense of worth to social media.

Some of you are younger to me, still in school, and maybe you all aren't at that stage now, you all can be tomorrow for preparing for entrances or other stuff that will demand you to be away from social events for a while, to have a rigorous academic schedules. It's sad, but that's how it is. Maybe some change can be brought later for young minds to still have a healthy routine that combines studies as well as other activities.

If you all ever get this dreadful feeling wondering where you are, what are you doing, is it all even worth it. I need you all to take a deep breath. Yes, it is worth it. Yes, you are at the right place, and yes you are learning at this age so you are doing good. It's okay. Your attempts, your hardwork will always get you 'success.' failure is a path to success, and all that disappointment, sadness etc will exist. You will have endless doubts over yourself but please remember that all of it was worthy. You will definitely see in some later period that whatever you underwent was all worth it.

But what about my lost time, lost friends didi?

You know little ones, friends change with age. Some stay intact for a long time while some move away and sometimes you grow out of it. Sometimes you will also reconnect with those friends from class with whom you barely had any conversation but later you see them talking with you and you realize that they are fun too.

And about lost time... I did this mistake too. You all never lose time. You aren't ahead in the race nor are you behind. You are where you have to be. You will get your desired friends, colleges and life. But to reach there, that 'lost' time teaches you patience. And to learn patience, one needs to learn how to wait through hopeless situations and endless moments of despair where you want to give up. But that's the catch, if you give up, you don't learn it anymore.

This is why for every thing that sometimes goes wrong in your life at this delicate stage where you all are growing up, I want you all to be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath, and indulge yourself in your favourite activity or close your eyes and actually meditate or just listen to music depending on your mood. Yes, the same advice everyone gives, but it works. You all, me, everyone needs discipline bacha. Wherever you see yourself, be it career, financial stuff or relationships, one needs to learn discipline and patience. You need to learn how to control the mind because it's going to be very easy to fall into a mindless scrolling session, or giving in to other distracting temptations.

The mind loves chaos. It easily jumps to doubtful thoughts. In the end, from this age you need to learn to control the mind and take steps to be your best self, best adult figure for your younger self to look upto. Jin posts ko reblog karte ho ki I want to be the woman, my 10 year self would look upto etc uske liye effort time sab lagana padega.

Meine bhi voh memes pinterest posts like reblog ki hai that were about existential crisis, the absolute dread of not doing anything in life and other stuff that are actually problematic in the long run for the mind. Kahin na kahin tum jab inko like reblog karte ho they do retain inside your head and tum vaise hi mind ko train karte ho.

Aaj jee neet cuet ke liye akele sabse durr rehna hai, kal badme masters ke liye wait karna padega ek saal ya phir baki exams. Uske liye vapas doston se durr, ek room mein padhai, phone kamm, shaadiyan trips band hoti rahegi. We all need to take life in a simple and easy way too. And sometimes these problems have solutions that you all know deep inside but choose to procrastinate or not take a step towards it.

In the end all of you chotus, just understand one thing ki life badi hai. Aaj yeh nahi hai kuch mahine baad sab milega vapas. Phir kuch pal baad tumhe vapas se akele rehna padega yeh phase sabka hota rehta hai. Rona aarha hai ro lo, akelapan lagega but iske liye jaisa meine pehle kaha tumhe hi khudko kehna hoga ki mujhe apne life mein abhi bahut kuch karna hai yeh sab usi laksh tak le jayegi. I know you all are wonderful, and capable of so many things. You all need to wait for a while, and work hard. Tumhare friends sab tumhe badme milenge humesha aisa boring akela phase zindagi bhar nahi rehta aur nahi hai humesha Bunny from yjhd types happening hogi.

Jab yeh sab permanent nahi hai toh bas mann ko samjhao ki apne kaam pe dhyan do. Tumblr pe bhadas nikaldi kabhi ek baar kisiko overshare kar diya theek hai chalta hai par isse apni personality mein pura entwine nahi kar daalo.

You all are made for so much for. There's so much in life that you all will slowly experience, good and bad everything. You all are growing up and I wish you all the best for it.

#samridhi speaks #desiblr #log out maar rahi for now because I have dance class in an hour #this is for chotu mutuals who are in school #wish you all the best once again aur zindagi badi hai sirf vahi same dost aur same school life teenage life hi nahi hai agar mil gaya sab #acha toh good and if not toh aur bhi achi chizein wait kar rahi hai

7 notes · View notes

renneiscent · 2 years

Text

You Are All That Matters

Hello, I’m not sure if this chapter is what you all expected but I would still love to publish it anyway. This is Jake’s POV that I had written and some parts in this chapter are from my poems that I’ve been posted in internet here somewhere. Please excuse my messy writing and grammar. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for the enthusiasm for this story.

Chapters: 14/?

< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >

I was lone wolf.

There was nothing I enjoyed more than my own solitary. I was a loner that preferred loneliness more than anything. Thus, I put wall around to protect myself from the danger that I could never risk for my own safety. The risks I would never be able to sacrifice even for my hope, even for my own happiness; those basic yet luxury things which always been a part of every human, I have left it all behind.

But then she came into my life and everything changed.

The moment I messaged her for the first time, I knew she will be a time bomb which ready to disrupt my ideal formula. She who her existence was unexpected, made me wondering what kind of part she will play in this chaos? What does universe want until they brought her to me? I have no clue. I had been considered her as a tool, I always have said that she is the important piece of puzzle; she is the key for this case. But now, she is also the key to my soul.

In the glimpse of time, she gained my interest, my attention, my trust, my heart. She is an unsolved riddle that attracts to be deciphered. I want to know her, I want to study her. We didn’t know each other before yet I found pleasant feeling in this unfamiliarity. But our encounter might not a coincidence since I felt like we have known each other for a long time; I, who always build wall around me to not give any information about myself, willing to share it with her.

I supposed no matter how long I have been in run, how many precarious situation I have been through, how many threat I have encounter, I’m still incapable to acknowledge her as a dangerous variable. The more I fought this feeling, the more I am attracted to her. I cannot merely escape. As if the only thing I’m capable of is running straight into her arms and I’m thankful about it.

She owns me. She got me in her fingertips, wrapped every fibre of me in her small hands; my life, my fate, my own self. I am completely helpless and no longer have control. I am completely without doubt at her mercy.

After finding out that she bought the ticket to Canice Hill, I impulsively drive myself to the nearest town with my motorbike. I found it is weird, even for her, to just casually trip to another place out of the blue after what happened tonight. The way I was unable to check her phone since somehow she turned her phone off, it grew more suspicion on me. Therefore I checked from another place. Yes, I occasionally checked her condition. I’m in possession of her phone and even her laptop. I need to know that she is safe. I must know. Then I found the bitter truth; she is sending herself to the culprit without discussing it with me. She didn’t even bother to send me message. I was furious. I was hurt. I hate myself even more because again I am failed to protect her.

When she decided to stay and help me in this case, I have realised that she is different. Of course she is. Any person who was in the strange situation like her; stuck with unknown and suspicious man for casually helping to find another unknown missing girl, will just run away and hide under the rock. But she is still here. She is still staying.

She even still takes this dangerous path with me, even if it means to sacrifice herself. I regret everything I have said to her. I regret to ask her to go to the end of it with me. I regret to keep letting myself to put her in more harm. She has asked me if we are ever going too far when it comes to a person’s life. I told her that time that I could not answer that question. But I think I might be able to answer it now.

If I could turn back the time, I’m surely able to let her go. I will never let myself become more foolish than this and let her to be involved in this case more and more. I will never put her into more danger more than this. I promise that to myself when I roamed in this quiet and peaceful forest. And now here I am, leaving my hiding place. Without the screen between us, I am finally able to meet the woman that managed to occupy every inch of me. My heart cannot stop pounding since I called her for the first time without my distorted voice, but right at this time, I’m relieved because now I have fully access to see her, to protect her, from anyone who dares to lay their fingers to harm her, I will rip them all into pieces.

“It’s me.” I state myself loud and clear, but she is still being sceptical. I find it amusing and annoying. Does she expect someone else or she just want to make it completely sure? But despite the courage of her, I did not expect the defiant and fearless woman of my company is smaller than I expected. She makes me want to keep her away from this filthy and ungracious world. I wonder how all the beauties in this world managed to be in her, how can she become the vessel of this spectacular universe?

The moment she asked about me and how my wall of self-preservation that I have been built is eroded little by little, I already realised that she will be the cause of my death or she will be the one who bring me back to life. But I am more sure about it after I am looking at her in the eyes; how her tiny fingers are wrapping on my arm, pulling me, asking about my plan is. Those eyes are so warm and deep, at this point I’m not even scared to be drowned there.

“Why do I need to do that? All you need to do is following me from behind and not walking separately.” I say that sharply, more to myself rather than to her. I want to convince myself that everything is going accordingly to my plan. No more spontaneous action, no more harmful decision. But she and her charm always find ways to do it, I should realise that she is hard to handle. I should not listen to her and let her magic she put on me affect everything inside me. But I cannot. I’m helpless.

I will do anything for her. I will protect her from any harm with any cost. Even if that means I will fight with the unarmed tree’s branch. “Hold on, it’s stuck. I will help you, hold this.” I try to untangle the yarns from her hoodie; this is the closest proximity we are having so far. I’m trying to focus but it seems hard when she is near me, when our bodies are almost touching with each other. But I managed to do it, finally. I step back to give space between us but now I also get rewarded to see her face completely. She cut her hair. When did she do that? I never noticed. From time to time when I’m in the urge to check her safety, I will check her condition. But I didn’t see any difference about her appearance. Her last video call with the group didn’t give any insight either since she keeps wearing her favourite yellow hooded jacket and the hoodie always cover her head. This is not the thing I’m proud of, I don’t want to sound like a creep but I just want to make sure her safety.

That’s why when she asked me about how I could know she used to have long hair, I need to lie. I never want to lie to her. But I don’t want her to misjudge me and there is misconception between us. Her opinion about me is important more than anything. I even shave my stubble that I didn’t even bother to get rid of it yesterday, but since I will meet her tonight thereby I make myself clean and presentable. I want to look better for her. This is strange feeling I’m having right now.

But does she truly have the same feeling like I’m having? I know she keep showing how she deeply care and how she show affection toward me, how I’m feeling the belonging because of her. But I’m still unsure. Since there is silence between us and I can listen whatever she is doing behind me makes me thinking that my presence bothers her. Hence, I dare to ask her. “Does my presence bother you?” And she and those sparkly eyes like heavenly finery gaze at me, saying that my presence doesn’t bother her. I smile. I’m blissful. “That’s nice to hear.”

She asks me if I’m happening to be in Duskwood all this time. I want to say no and explain that I’m driving myself here just because I’m worried about her that suddenly flies from another side of state and suddenly being here. But I lie; once again, I lie to her. I don’t want her to be worried because of me. I don’t want her to know that I’m willing do anything for her. I don’t want her to blame herself and instead I want her to look after herself more than anything, more than anyone.

But I think she didn’t understand my intention because right now, this woman of mine is standing still in front of me; she is furious, she says that I’m annoying. She is saying all the sweet and warm things that I’m not sure I’m able to understand every word she saying because at this point, all I want to do is pulling her to my embrace. “I would love to wrap my arms around you right now, but of course if you let me.”

When she’s in my embrace, I’m feeling like I have the world in my hands. It feels like I’m the luckiest human being in this galaxy. I’m not religious person, but I believe someone above the sky is clearly biased toward me, since any gods or goddesses out there entrusted her to me. They give her to me. They clearly favour me more than any livings, because there is no way a precious soul like her is falling for me too. Nobody has ever done anything like whatever she has done for me in my entire life. She is unbelievable.

I want to kiss her. I want to declare my feeling for her. “Would it be okay if I kiss you right now?” She nods. She lets me to kiss her. But which part of her should I plant my kiss on? Should I do it on her lips? But will it be too much? Will it be inappropriate to our first encounter by face to face? Or should I give her kiss on the cheeks? But it’s too ancient even for my boring personality. Then I remember. I always like whenever my mom kiss me in the forehead, that kiss makes me feeling safe. And I want her to feel safe when she’s around me. I kiss her in the forehead, sending every feeling I’m having toward her in one kiss. I hope she is feeling safe when she is with me, because I’m feeling safe when I’m with her.

She and her allure always manage to impress me more than once, everything she does never fail to astonish me. Even if when we are inside the mine, the uncommon place to travel around, she is still being so brave and even letting herself to follow me around. I have no clue if I should be amazed or upset with her stubbornness. This is why she is dangerous, this is why she is like a time bomb; I’m incapable to predict whatever she is going to do in the next minute. Although without my awareness I’m trying to intimidate her more and more, to make her become obedient with my words, but it always fails when it come to her. She and her magic hold me in her palms.

Once again, I let myself to leave her alone.

Once again, I let myself to put her into more danger.

Once again, I let myself to fail to protect the woman of mine.

< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood game #everbyte game #everbyte studios #duskwood fandom #duskwood jake #jake x mc #duskwood fanfiction

33 notes · View notes

lizzygrantarchives · 12 years

Text

NME, January 28, 2012

In the weeks before she went truly massive, Lana Del Rey talked intimately to Laura Snapes about fame, lies and danger…

It’d be nice to think September 9, 2011 was a more innocent time for Lana Del Rey. ‘Video Games’ had gradually seeped into consciousness over the preceding months, building anticipation around the YouTube premiere of its b-side ‘Blue Jeans’, that morning.

That day I met Lana in her small, posh west London hotel room. It was a few days before snarky blog Hipster Runoff would publish an “exposé” on her past as Lizzy Grant, daughter of a moneyed family with a shelved album to her name (nothing she had ever denied); a few days before she would play an invite-only secret show at Brooklyn’s Glasslands, and then postpone her October tour dates – which had sold out in a heartbeat – until November.

But even on the cusp of becoming the phenomenon she is right now, as her debut album looks set to hit number one, there was something about Lana Del Rey that suggested she wasn’t all that innocent. It’s in the way she avoids eye contact, staring at her feet as she ties her vest in knots, awkwardly trying to run her rectangular, baby blue and pink nails through her stiff auburn curls.

We sit around a table at the foot of the bed in her room, as the TV on the wall displays a home shopping channel hawking ceramic Disney princesses on mute. She speaks like one of them – all wispy “oh my!” cautiousness and beauty queen charm. She asks if I mind her smoking the first of the many long Pall Mall cigarettes she’ll get through, saying that her PR man has told her – rather presciently – that people will write about everything you do.

She’s disarming in her nerves, often sounding as though she’s about to burst into tears, but equally for the prevailing suspicion that this could all be an act. For all the accusations that will be levelled against her over the coming months, Lana Del Rey certainly isn’t dumb. If you ask her a tricky question, she’ll answer through dipped lashes before looking up and forcing you to confirm what she’s just said; she girlishly asks, “Don’t you think I look similar?” after I’ve asked her if she’s had plastic surgery.

For all the bands that have recently peddled intrigue and mystique in their bid for popularity, none have done it as well as Del Rey – even if she’s achieved it unintentionally. Arguably, she would rather remove all doubt and speculation about her past in order to get on with the job in hand; but it’s one of the things that’s made her such a beguiling pop star from the first time we set eyes on her….

This must all seem very strange.

Strange is the right word. When things go absolutely nowhere for so long, you can tell when the energy is shifting around a project, and in the last two months, I’ve been, like… is this real?

‘Blue Jeans’ went online this morning. Have you been keeping up with the reaction?

I’m so nervous that I haven’t really looked! I feel like the album will walk the line between ‘Blue Jeans’ and ‘Video Games’. It’s still really fresh, but glamorous.

You can hear your unreleased album, ‘Nevada’, online. Would you rather it wasn’t there?

Yeah, it bothers me. The internet’s a really good place, but definitely a scary place too for someone when not everything that you’ve done has been good.

I found MySpaces for your past projects under the names Sparkle Rope Jump Queen and Lizzy Grant & The Phenomena. When are they from?

Wowwwww! Well. I would say Sparkle Rope Jump Queen was maybe 2008, 2009. I was playing guitar. I actually saw that about three weeks ago, something on Google came up. I thought, ha, you cute girl, look at what you did. They’re pretty dark. I was just playing into Garage Band.

There are lots of interesting stories about you on the MySpace for Lizzy Grant & The Phenomena – that you were a trapeze artist in Alabama, for example.

Haha! That’s not true. That is very funny. I’m a psycho. I was born on the day of the worldly rapture, according to the most famous biblical birthdays, June 21, a Gemini. What else did I put in there… I think it was Alabama, I did visit there, but I’m not a trapeze artist!

With Lana Del Rey, how important is it to tell people the truth?

Very important. Because I don’t like to get caught! I was probably 20 when I put [the …Phenomena MySpace up], no-one was paying attention to me so I was writing whatever I wanted. Even though the project has kinda taken a sort of exotic twist, which I did want, what I say is usually pretty straightforward.

There’s been a definite change in image between your former projects and now. Did it all come from you? And also… did it go further than just being aesthetic?

There aren’t many pictures of when I was singing before. They’re paintings that my sister had done from photographs. My face actually looks exactly the same as when I was really little. I know everyone talks about my lips, but my lips are my lips, and I’ve never gotten anything done. Also those paintings from those photographs, they’re taken when I was like 17, 18, the only real difference was that I had short platinum hair. But I don’t think they look that different.

Does it bother you that you’re being asked whether you’ve had surgery?

Well… yeah. I think as a girl, when you work for a long time and you don’t really get anywhere, you work on keeping a lot of integrity in your music but then all anyone talks about is your face – it’s not something you can really plan for. I don’t have a new face, I look the same.

What kind of pop star do you want to be? ‘Video Games’ came up through YouTube, but you’ve been working with some big people.

In terms of being a pop star, it’s not something I’ve thought about for a long time now, because it was so long ago that I started. Even though I’ve been singing and writing again for two years, I haven’t been on the stage for 16 months. I started living a regular life, so I’m not really sure. I don’t have to be a singer at all, it’s not the end all or be all any more.

Did the idea of being a pop star drive you?

I wanted to be part of a high-class scene of musicians. It was half inspired because I didn’t really have many friends, and I was hoping that I would meet people and fall in love with and start a community around me, the way they used to in the ‘60s. I wanted to be recognised as a good singer, and not much more than that.

Did you not have a lot of friends at school, or in your hometown?

I did find it hard to make friends, but it wasn’t because of the people, but because I was sort of a cerebral person, an over-thinker. I was trying to figure out a vision for my future that would make me happy when I really was not happy doing that many things.

Danger seems to recur as a theme in your songs…

I think I’ve been in more dangerous situations than other people. I am attracted to the dark side, but in the same way that everyone else is. Sometimes the things that are really dangerous are because the situations or people are really magnetic and imperfect, but then when the pendulum swings you see the reason things are so amazing is because the situation is really strange.

Any specifics?

I don’t know… It just felt like fighting for survival for such a long time. Having no money, or a place to live, living day-to-day trying to figure out how to keep making music and stay alive. You sometimes find yourself in situations that you wouldn’t exactly uhh, that aren’t like, the safest, but um… Just figuring out how to make ends meet.

What kind of jobs did you have?

Basically I did anything on Craigslist. $100 a pop: I would move people out of places, paint houses, wear bike sports jackets for a truck magazine, or NYU students would pay $100 to spend a week doing a film.

Amazing – have you got some poncey student films made about you?

Well they’re not pretentious, but I am terrible! The kids who would ask me to do it probably thought I looked right, but then we would get on location and they’d be sorry they asked because I’m really shy in front of the camera!

Were you not tempted by a regular job?

I definitely thought, ‘If it’s gonna be this hard I’m not gonna be a singer and have nothing’. That would have been fine, but it’s only in the last two years that I started getting tired.

Did you ever nearly quit singing?

In my mind, I was always thinking about it. I stopped playing shows. I definitely didn’t wanna be a singer any more after a while.

Originally published in NME with the headline “I'm so nervous…”

#2011 #NME #Laura Snapes

0 notes

themovieblogonline · 10 months

Text

THE PARALLAX VIEW (1974): Warren Beatty DIGS DEEP In This Twisty Political Thriller

There is a great scene in “Ocean’s Twelve” (a very underrated chapter in the “Ocean’s” series) where Brad Pitt (Rusty) and George Clooney (Danny) haze Matt Damon’s Linus, who has requested to take on more of a leadership role in their current job. It’s a great scene performed with assistance from the fantastic Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid from the “Harry Potter” series). The joke is that Pitt, Clooney, and Coltrane all communicate with each other in an indecipherable allegory of which they can understand each other, but Linus is left out of the loop in a confused panic. The following is part of Esmarelda’s Summer Seventies Series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP7SSmRtArc That is how I felt on all three of my viewings of “The Parallax View.” Every time I watch this film I feel as though the actors are speaking another language, and I am perhaps a trillion times less intelligent or educated than I ought to be. There’s something here, I know there is, but the construction of the story as a whole is so convoluted and crammed together that even after three separate viewings I am left scratching my head. I have a general rule for films that were made prior to the year 2000: I am not smarter than the director. I have a dislike for internet trolls who search through films desperately digging for the tiniest little insignificant out-of-place detail so that they can then project themselves as being smarter than the filmmaker for having spotted the mistake. I am not that person and I wholeheartedly believe in giving benefit-of-the-doubt. So, when it comes to “The Parallax View,” I have to give both Warren Beatty and Alan J. Pakula credit based on the merit of their other (better) works. It also must be said that I was not alive when Kennedy was shot and thus conspiracy theories and coverups are not as intriguing to me as they might be to older generations... but perhaps I have only been looking at “The Parallax View” from one angle. The story follows Joe Frady (Warren Beatty – hey that rhymes!) as a regional journalist who sets out to investigate the strange circumstances surrounding the deaths of peripheral witnesses of a presidential candidate’s murder. Initially, his former girlfriend, Lee (Paula Prentiss) comes to him in hysterics as she reveals to him that others who were present at the assassination have been turning up dead and she might be next. Frady is dismissive of her worries until the next scene cuts to Lee in the morgue, having died in a car wreck while high on barbiturates and alcohol. Consumed by his guilt, Frady seeks to investigate further, and from there, the film navigates through a series of ex-FBI agents, psychopaths, psychology professors, and dim-witted deputies while Frady seems determined to get to the truth. Again, I am not smarter than Alan J. Pakula and I like a film that makes you watch it twice, but perhaps it’s a lack of establishing shots or the overall lightning-fast pace of the film that makes the viewer start to squint and go, “wait a minute, who is that guy again?” “The Parallax View” was rather popular upon its release, probably due to Warren Beatty’s feathered hair and its slick tagline “As American as apple pie” (what??) All in all, the film expects us to believe that there is a corporation run out of Los Angeles that recruits candidates with psychopathic tendencies to brainwash them into political killing machines. Okay, fine, I’ll bite. But the fact that this mysterious company recruits those candidates by mailing out cryptic narcissist-bait fliers all over the country with its address printed on them is a little much. Further, the same company would seek to kill all witnesses to an assassination in the hopes that no one would ever be suspicious of the circumstances surrounding the assassination while at the same time not getting suspicious that the witnesses to the assassination are all being assassinated kind of feels like we are running in circles. I, a hapless millennial raised on Nickelodeon and GoGurt, can imagine a time when the political suspense genre filled with coverups and conspiracies could be seen as cool and interesting in the wake of the JFK and Bobby Kennedy murders, however, in a post-January 6th world where we now know what jacked up believers of conspiracy theories know and look like, for me, for whatever reason, I’m just not drinking the Kool-Aid. Stylistically, the film is shot beautifully – Warren Beatty is usually shot at a distance, giving him the appearance of being followed. And there are wonderfully fun set pieces, such as a car chase and a rushing dam that keep the action moving forward. But in the lexicon of Alan J. Pakula’s political conspiracy films, I think I’d much rather stick with “All the President’s Men.” In my knowledge of not being smarter than a filmmaker, and also dutiful to take the advice I once heard from Cate Blanchett, I try dearly when watching a film not to focus on what it is that I like or don’t like about a film, but rather what it is that the filmmaker is doing or saying. And while I wholeheartedly have faith that there is an intention here to give an alternative perspective to (at the time) recent political controversy, I’m still not convinced that the filmmakers had entirely grasped the concept of the story they were telling at the time they were telling it. Warren Beatty’s Joe Frady (I rhymed again!) doesn’t go through any type of arc or change. I’m not a stickler for box-checking character development, but at the same time, I feel like I know little about Frady and thus don’t really care what happens to him or what he finds out. Whereas in another Beatty seventies classic, “Shampoo,” I know exactly what his character George wants out of life and, as thus, find his journey more enjoyable to watch. It’s that sense of purpose lacking in “The Parallax View” that forces me to question whether or not the film is intended to entertain as a realistic political conspiracy thriller or to serve as a conspiracy perpetuated by the filmmakers themselves to create an indecipherable allegory intended to keep the viewer in such a state of guessing that they are forced to spend money on additional tickets in an attempt to decode the convoluted plot. Read the full article

0 notes

distraughtmary · 1 year

Text

Our Family Shouldn't Feel Like a Crime. Chapter 2

The story continues...

My head is throbbing as I am sitting at the desk in my room, waiting for Tokha to visit my place for the first time. My impatience is visible with my legs shifting nervously and my upper teeth biting my lower lip, something Tokha would not appreciate because he told me that only he can bite me, either in a genuine flirtation or in a subtle attempt to break my bad habit. Maybe both. Such a charmer. I do secretly like it, liked it back when Sasha made a mess out of me during our first make-out session, and the rest of my entourage kind of guessed that I was into that. I want to lose myself more in the daydreams of Tokha before he comes here and finally tries that intercrural thing we have been planning for ages and maybe lets me drill him, as he affectionately referred to my pathetic topping attempts, but I have a more pressing issue. My eyes are on my shabby, permanently dust-covered laptop, coffins and gravestones reflected on my retina. My dead mother needs a burial, and I am looking for the cheapest deal available, not because I resent her or anything, though it is definitely true, but because I simply do not have the money. Usually you save up for your funeral, as my grandma did, but she was ready to die ever since I was born, and I doubt that my mother expected a premature death for herself. I found nothing at home, and her bank account was empty, which seemed strange, as she did have something in case I failed my final exams and had to be a “paid student.’ Fortunately for us, my average scores were enough to become a “budget student”, so the money could keep accumulating. Or so I thought. That was a bummer because I need to pay god knows how much (actually, I know) to transfer to the med school, and now the dream is dead, like my mother. She took it away with her, suspecting what exactly I would do after her demise. But at least she could not take Tokha with her, not after everything I did to keep him a secret.

The burial and the university are not the only problems on my mind. Mother’s best friend, Ira, paid me a visit yesterday to discuss pre- and post-funeral arrangements, implying that I had to meet mother’s other friends and acquaintances, listen to their condolences until my ears fall off, and drink for my mother’s peaceful afterlife, which is the opposite of what I want for her. I would prefer no feasts at all and a quiet send-off with the sole participation of me, myself, and I, but Ira had already arranged everything, and I decided not to argue with her. She barely even listened to me anyway, still treating me like a boy who once asked her to buy a book of riddles. The only question she asked where my input was relevant was whether my mother wanted to keep her body intact or to be cremated. Obviously, she never discussed such stuff with me and probably did not even think about her funeral arrangements, believing that she had twenty years more to engage in her debauchery. I had no particular opinion as well, but then I imagined throwing her urn of ashes into the river, or flushing it down the toilet, or somehow involving it in sex with Tokha, which would the ultimate insult to her, and a wicked smile manifested on my face and quickly disappeared before Ira could notice. I lied to her that my mother had brought up cremation once while referencing the fact everyone on my grandfather’s side had been cremated, and Ira seemed convinced by my falsehood, which did have a sprinkle of truth – everyone on grandfather’s side, including him, was indeed cremated. And just when I thought that this morbid conversation was over, Ira leaned closer and whispered: ‘I don’t really have to say this, but just in case – no boys at the funeral, okay? You know how Vika felt about that, and your stupid videos on the Internet only broke her heart.’ Oh, I knew perfectly well how she felt about me, and her rotten heart must have dissolved long before her death, but I said nothing. I did not want to invite Tokha to the funeral regardless of how Ira or my mother’s filthy soul felt about that. Our relationship is about love, change, growth, and other sparkly shit, and we do not need a corpse in the middle of it. I thought that would be the end of it, but Ira was a chatterbox, the words pouring out of her with the speed of a train: ‘Alisa and her mother will be there too, Zhenya promised me as much. Oh, how they wanted you and Alisa to end together, you’ve known each other since the cradle days. Remember when you two were dancing partners? You were such a gentleman then, carrying her in your arms, kissing the back of her hand. And then you just had to give up and become like this! I couldn’t believe that video, none of us could! It would be one thing if you embarrassed yourself by coupling with a boy and doing a shitty dance, but no, you followed the whole routine and did the same things to that boy! You kissed his hand! And he kissed yours! Alisa was crying after she’d seen that, you know? Your mother was crying, too, she was hysterical! I had to give her something to calm her down. She might not have said anything to you about what she really felt because she was a decent mother, but I’m telling you this now so that you will finally get a semblance of shame and apologize to Alisa at the funeral because this is what your mother would have wanted!’

I listened to her rant with feigned indifference, my poker face barely concealing disgust. Of course she had to bring up my dancing in a weak attempt to prove that I was straight, as if gay dancers with woman partners did not exist, as if they automatically had to be in a relationship with them instead of separating their professional and personal lives. And I never enjoyed doing all those things to Alisa, but they were the rules, and I simply followed them. I would much prefer a male partner, or at least someone who was not inclined to flirt with me on every occasion, but when I asked the instructor for a swap, she looked at me sternly and said that it was impossible, considering all the years I had spent practising with Alisa. So I left the dancing school altogether, and my coming out moment happened in the wake of all the interrogation my mother had done to make me spit out the reason for that. Maybe if I had been stronger mentally, I would have stayed and endured all the humiliation to become a famous dancer and an inspiration for other gay kids, but I just could not handle the heteronormativity at that time, and I suspected that they would force me to keep my sexuality a secret due to some asinine traditions. I had not danced since then, not until the graduation ball, but I kept up with the competitions and Alisa’s new partner. I had my share of awards, some on the national level, which are now hidden in a drawer under the wardrobe, and my interest in dancing never really dwindled. I do not know how I managed to pull off that dance with Lyosha, but he was not so bad himself, so we made it work together. Anyway, all those memories flooded me after Ira had shared that bullshit with me, filling me with fury, although I was not particularly surprised at my mother’s opinion. Her real stance was always very transparent, but I was a fool who wanted his mommy to love and accept him and covered his eyes with a blindfold and his heart with a restless hope.

‘Aunt Ira,’ I said softly then, my real feelings hard. ‘I always considered you my friend, you know, and you always had your way with words while trying to convince my mother that she was wrong about something in her treatment of me. You said it was fine when I came out, you said you had a lesbian relative, and you even gave me referrals to some gay-friendly specialists who would help if I was struggling with making sense of things or whatever. But it’s clear to me that you were my mom’s friend first and that the lesbian relative of yours was a myth, otherwise you wouldn’t be saying all those hurtful things. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to kiss and make up with Alisa, no matter how much my mother would want us to fuck right on top of her casket, because once the funeral is over, I will step back into my ordinary life where I have a boyfriend to cuddle.’

I wanted to sound as matter-of-factly as possible, omitting the obscenities because it always made her sad when I cussed, but I wanted to make her feel guilty. My mother was dead, but I was still here, and that was the best she could come up with? It sucked. Ira regarded me with a blank expression, her mouth opening and closing with a certain frequency, and then she saw herself out, flinging ‘See you at the reception in three days’ at me in a faint voice. Maybe I did manage to make her feel something.

Ira’s betrayal also sucked for a very simple reason: she hated my mother’s guts. I could see past her friendly act, and they could pretend to be besties all they wanted, but I knew the truth. Granma had told me that, mistaking me for my mother during one of her delirious incidents eventually leading to her death. I guess I did look similar to my mother then, wearing my hair longer than usual and trying out some stuff to look neater. The story was as old as the Earth itself: Vika and Ira were best friends, willing to share everything between each other. But when Vika bagged a hot guy named Andrey, who would have the honour of being my absent father, she did not want to share him with Ira. Ira took offense and started developing a revenge plot. The gag was that Ira already had a boyfriend, and Vika did not really mind that, but all logic was thrown out of the window. Ira’s plan was brilliant: organize a 4-people party including her, Vika, Andrey, and Ira’s boyfriend, get everyone drunk, and sleep with Andrey while the other two were passed out or something. Her grand plan almost succeeded, but she failed to account for Vika’s wondrous ability to remain sober even after 6 drinks. So Vika saw everything, or almost everything, while Ira was too busy with Andrey to notice. One week later, Vika cheated back on Ira’s boyfriend, and all hells broke lose. Accusations started flying, catfights took place, while the men involved were unscathed despite all the mess being their fault too. Somehow, Ira and Vika managed to make up, break up with the guys, and became even bigger friends, vowing that no man will tear them apart, but that was not the last double cheating event in their history. Every time Vika got a new boyfriend and a daddy for her son Seryozha aka me, Ira would find a way to sleep with him, and Vika would sleep with whatever guy Ira was dating at the time. The back and forth continued until Ira finally settled down and gave birth to a daughter, whose father shared the same fate as mine. Accidentally, the original ‘sin’ happened like 9 months before I was born, so my father could either be Andrey or the nameless boyfriend of Ira’s, but my mother always insisted that my father’s name was Andrey and gave me his patronymic. Maybe she wanted to believe that it was him rather than a random guy who seemingly was not that handsome, but I stopped giving a damn about my parentage around six. And I inherited almost everything from my mother in the looks department. So… why did Ira do all that? I did not doubt that she hated my mother and was jealous of her. I could not fathom why they had remained friends and how they had benefited from such a broken friendship. And I could not understand why, after all that had transpired between them, she would choose her side instead of mine. I slammed the door shut after she had left, closing whatever part of my being still trusted her.

Waiting for Tokha is unbearable. It makes me think, reminisce, ruminate, and I want my head to be clear. Or occupied with the thoughts of him rather than my mother or her treacherous friend. And I start thinking, but his face is not the only one that flashes before me. I think about how perfect he is, with his grey eyes, cheekbones that could NOT cut glass but are pleasant to look at regardless, and dark hair that remind me of emo guys, but he is far from being one, always showering me with positivity, compliments, and just the right words at the right time. I wish I could do the same for him, but I am a mess, and he still embraces it. Tokha is not a manly man, more like a boyish man, but that might be exactly what I want since I am not that either. He also reminds me of Sasha sometimes, especially when he starts kissing my neck, and I grab his bangs in a joking attempt to make him stop, but then I perish the thought. Sasha was not all that, and I do not want to spend the rest of my life pondering over the coulda, shoula, woulda of my first relationship. On the other hand, Tokha is all that and even more, so I will focus on loving him and helping him with whatever obstacles he is facing. It is hard to believe that at first he was just a ‘fan’.

Following my viral dance, I became sort of a local icon thanks to my bravery or something, although the ball had at least Petya with his guy and Lera with her girlfriend. Lera was not my friend, but we tolerated each other enough to be considered pals or something. She had come out around the 10th grade, a rather courageous deed considering her religious family and a potential arranged marriage. So those two were more worthy of being queer icons than me, a coward who would have remained in his shell if not for Lyosha. Still, many people liked the dance and thought it was some kind of a statement, which it probably was, but I personally just wanted to dance in a way that would make me feel good, and other possible meanings were an afterthought. A community focused on me formed on the VK social media where they discussed me, Lyosha, Sasha, and whatever they managed to dig up about me. I felt extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing, almost reporting the community the first I stumbled upon it, but I also saw that my existence helped those people somehow, so I decided to let it be. It was a miracle that Lyosha’s parents never discovered it, or our relationship would have been much shorter. I did drop a hint to the administrators of the community that Lyosha was not out without revealing myself as their deity, and they became more discreet while reporting on my love life as if I was a legitimate celebrity. The second viral moment with us barely dressed changed everything. Theories about what happened started pouring out, who was the bottom, who was the top, oh, Sergey’s trousers barely covered his cheeks, meaning that he had been the one to take it in the ass, who was more toned (not me), oh, Sergey should eat more, that would make him much hotter, oh, Lyosha’s hair was slightly wet and shiny, was it CUM, oh, they should have continued their business in the dormitory hallway because queer people should not be confined to their bedrooms, and so on and so forth. As I said before, I was not really bothered by their words. Well, maybe a bit. I did want to gain some weight, but I ate only as much as my mother put on the table, which was enough not to starve to death. The community, even after all that bullshit, still believed they were my fans and wanted the best for me, so they started this ‘Looking for Sergey’s new boyfriend’ thread where guys could leave their info for me to contact them. At that point the administrators suspected that I was stalking them, saying as much in the thread’s premise. All the guys had to share was their contact info and put a real photo as their display pic, but some went out of their way to share more ‘private’ details, but their sizes and roles barely registered with me as I had not completely figured out what I wanted then. That thread was how I met Daniil, my third ‘boyfriend’. I used my burner account to contact him, begging him to keep our correspondence a secret. He was quite hot, and I was not looking for any commitment at the time. He fulfilled his purpose and more, never exposing our ‘good’ time, for which I was grateful. Tokha was not one of those guys who left his contacts, no. I found him in a different thread, where the ‘fans’ speculated over my personal life, still scrutinizing every single detail of the second video. He was one of the people who actually tried to defend me, saying that they had no right to vivisect me and that I was entitled to privacy, implying that most of the ‘fans’ were just straight women without real ties to the community. That earned him a ban and earned the community a report for me, something I had kept postponing for selfish reasons rather than something noble. I sent Tokha a short ‘thank you’ from my main account, from which I had also reported the community, and I thought that would be the end of it. But that was actually the beginning of something more, of something real, despite the questionable circumstances.

Tokha is not just my boyfriend, I think he is also my best friend. People say that could be detrimental to the relationship, but I do not care. I have always been a loner because it is easier to keep secrets this way. You do not have to worry about your friends asking you about your non-existent girlfriend, you do not have to worry about coming out to them and potentially getting rejected, and you do not have to worry about all the little things that eventually accumulate and ruin a friendship. I could strike a friendship with some queer students, but that would lead me to outing myself, and the guys always viewed me as a piece of meat rather than a person. I blame my mother. She was the culprit of my loneliness, the culprit behind my broken relationships, but she cannot ruin what I have with Tokha anymore. Rest in piss.

The doorbell rings, and I am in shambles, searching for my slippers with my bare feet. I finally feel them and artfully slip my feet into them, not caring for the fact they are quite dirty now. I exit my room and rush for the door, skipping the part where you look through the peephole and ask who is there. My grandma was guilty of that, and I always chided her for opening the door for everyone, but I am breaking all the rules now because my boyfriend is coming to my place for the first time, and fuck everything else. It is him, to my relief, in a second-hand cap with a big W and a windbreaker because May still feels chilly in this god-forsaken tundra. Tokha reaches to hug me, but I urge him to lock the door first: I do not want any witnesses, and I am tired of my love being a public affair. He does so, and then I am onto him, hugging and kissing him, almost strangling him with my affection. He returns the gesture, and I help him out of the windbreaker, casually throwing it at the dresser. I am already lightly dressed, so Tokha reaches for the hem of my T-shirt, his lips firmly on mine, but then another ring interrupts us. I want to continue, grabbing his arm to make him continue what he has been doing, but whoever is behind the door is stubborn, dissipating the mood. Tokha untangles from me, defeat in his eyes, but I promise him the superior sequel after we deal with that. I tell him to look through the peephole, which he does.

‘Um, Seriy,’ he says, turning his head to me and using the variation of my name I actually like. ‘There is a police officer and a little girl outside.’

‘Fuck’ is all I manage to vocalize before they start knocking on the door.

#queer #queer lit #m/m romance #m/m fiction #writing #our family

0 notes

guy-j · 2 years

Text

The more things change, the more they stay the same: Homophobia and fear in my modern age. - 10/29/22

In my last post, I discussed how my life has felt more worthwhile as I've gotten older. I still feel that, but I've also noticed all the little details that have stayed consistent throughout my life, even the ones that I thought I would have grown past at this point. One example that comes to mind happened just the other night as I was helping my older brother move into a new apartment. In this rare occasion, both of my parents were present, which is unusual given the diverging paths that their lives have taken. Even now, nearly a decade after their separation, they hold so much animosity for each other. It's bizarre the way that hearing them argue transported me back to my childhood. For a brief moment, I was a terrified kid again. Even thinking about the incident, I can feel the gears of my flight instinct churning to life, despite knowing very well that nothing can happen to me at this point.

I had a rather blessed childhood, and while there are certainly things that I have had to unpack from it all, I wouldn't classify my parents as fearful symbols in my life. My father, a music lover and fellow friend of Dorothy, has never been close, but due to our hearts' orientations and his respect of another part of my identity that I have not shared with you all (If I revealed it, it might certainly connect several dots, but I find it difficult to admit openly. It is much easier to simply exist on the internet without acknowledging that anything ever changed from my birth to now, but I'm sure some sleuths among you could easily decipher it), I have found myself telling him about my life in ways my mother could never hope to comprehend. Perhaps this is why seeing the two argue still makes my stomach jump into my throat; Some kind of concern for my secrets coming out into the open.

As much as it pains me to admit it, I am still very dependent on my mother, although given my age and circumstances, I doubt it's as embarrassing as I interpret it to be. If what I have been keeping from her was ever revealed, I shudder to think of the consequences. There have been narrow misses, and I'm sure it's more of an open secret at this point, but to have it lain bare makes me more terrified than anything I've ever experienced. It's strange, the dissonance between openly admitting such things on this corner of the internet and being so terrified in my daily life that I find myself trying to think of excuses to avoid those who are not aware of it already. It can be hard for some to comprehend the fear that comes from existing as I do in the place I am from. Things have become exponentially better for those in the communities I am part of, and yet my world has not become any safer. I am still terrified to speak to others in the same circumstances without a veil of mystery covering my identity. My only hope is to gently probe potential allies until I am aware of their views on things as simple as basic respect, and it can often be jarring and disturbing to discover that the people I have chosen to trust may not be as safe as they seem.

I notice a disconnect between those that may not have this experience and those that know the feeling I am describing all too well. Because of the complex nature of my identity, including the parts I am not open about here, even introducing myself to others can be dangerous. I hesitate when friends of mine introduce me to friends of theirs, often relieved when I am not asked about anything more than my name. At the same time, there are some who feel the need to make my introductions for me, shoving all of my identity into the light. I feel prone and exposed when this happens, and I find it difficult to shirk off the feeling of fear that accompanies a mistimed outing, even if I am reassured that I am among friends. I try not to hold it against those that choose to place me in the light when I much prefer the shadows. It makes me glad that they feel safe enough to proudly strut where all can see them, but I often wish that they could see the look of distress plastered on my face through the glare of the stage lights. Paradoxically, this forced exposure makes me feel even more alone.

Someday this world will change, and when it does, I can only dream of how different I will feel. Until then, I will stay relatively hidden and attempt to avoid the beams of any enemy flashlights, even if they are being wielded with good intentions by those I trust. Maybe it speaks to a deep seated paranoia, or some kind of misguided survival instinct, but I'm still alive. I will continue to trust it.

#guy's text.#mirrored #identity entry #sexuality and gender #family #homelife

0 notes

fanfictionatic · 2 years

Text

The Stars Are Right

Pairing: ???!Jotaro x gender neutral!reader

Description: Reader finds an old book in their uncle’s attic that seems to be calling to them for some reason.

Warnings: Post-Lovecraftian elements, mentions of relatives dying. Other than that this is just fluff. Also this is going to be kind of long because I got carried away writing it.

This is my first JJBA fanfic ever and I hope it’s ok

You don’t know how long it had been since you had been in this house. The last time you could actually remember being in this tiny secluded cabin in the woods was when you were a kid and your crazy uncle that used to go on long nonsensical rambles was still very much alive and breathing.

Now....it felt quite. Not empty, not calm, but quiet. Well, aside from the sounds of the birds outside anyway which liked to sing in the evening out here. It was a very strange feeling and you weren’t really sure what you were going to do with the house now that your uncle had finally passed on. You supposed you might as well start looking at the things that he left behind here. It was the least you could do to try to figure it out.

Most of the house was close to how you remembered it. It was messy with everything from pots and pans to clothes just kind of tossed around carelessly all over the place. It could have ended up on a reality TV show about hoarders. You could see a few scraps of paper here and there with the weird drawings that he always did on them. You still had no clue what any of them actually meant.

After looking through everything else, the only place you had left to check was the attic. You had no idea what you would actually find up there really. After all, your uncle had always told you to stay away from it because it had things in it that you weren’t supposed to see until you were older.

Well, you were an adult now and he wasn’t really around to stop you anymore. You slowly push open the hatch, making a layer of thick dust fly up in the process.

The place is surprisingly more organized than you thought it would be. All you can see up here in the dimming light of the setting sun is bookshelves. Rows and rows of them that seem to almost make up some kind of personal library. Which is strange considering the warning he always used to give you. Maybe the books were just too mature for you to read at the time or something?

You walk along them, glancing over what is written on their spines to try to figure out what some of them are. None of them are labeled in a way you can read though. All they have on them is symbols that look like your uncle’s drawings. If he liked these books enough to have this many, it would explain why he kept drawing them all the time.

One of them catches your eye though. Unlike the other books which are shelved, it seems to be on some kind of table near the window giving you just enough light to make out what is on it. The symbol drawn on the black leather cover is nothing more than a pink star.

You walk over to it and see that there is a bookmark still in it. Was he reading this before he died? It gave you a strange feeling seeing it just laying there unopened. Something deep and primal in the back of your mind was urging you to change that and you couldn’t fully explain why.

So you decide to open it up and take a look at the contents, flipping through a few of the worn down pages that smell like a friendly used bookstore. Unfortunately, when your eyes scan over the words they seem to be written in a language you can’t read. You wonder briefly what the language actually is and if you could somehow pull out your phone and try to use the internet, but you doubt it will get reception out here. That and the fact that it doesn’t seem to resemble any language you have ever come across in your life.

There are pictures though. Very detailed ones that make you smile, just a little bit. They were drawings of the hills that surrounded the house. The hills that you had grown up coming to visit. Your uncle used to take you up to the top of them in the middle of the night and point out all the constellations. Most of them were ones you had heard of but couldn’t spot yourself, but others you were sure now he had to be making up because of their strange names. Either way you didn’t care. It was something that you enjoyed. Something that always filled your heart with wonder at just how vast the universe could actually be. You didn’t know of any other place where you could see them anywhere close to as clearly. You used to ask your uncle if they were eyes that were staring down at you, watching the world from up there from something really pretty in the sky that made the stars. He would just laugh a little bit and pat your head, changing the subject every time.

As you looked out the window, you figured that you would probably have enough time to go visit them one more time. Just to relive some of your old happy memories. You could easily make it up there before it got too dark if you left now. Tucking the book against your chest, you make your way back down the two sets of stairs and out the door.

When you get there, the last of the light is leaving the sky for the day, painting it with the faint orange and purple tints that remind you of a painting. Now all you have to do is wait. It shouldn’t take very long now. You can already see the faded bow shape of the moon peeking out at you. Absentmindedly, you sit down in the clearing.

The book in your hands suddenly does something weird. It opens, almost on it’s own to a random page that you were not previously on. It’s probably just the wind though and you are curious if there are more pictures in it of the hills.

There are in fact pictures of the hills on the worn down pages, but they aren’t like the ones from before. Instead of just showing them empty with nothing but the land and the sky, there is a figure that is drawn doing what you think might be....dancing? It’s hard to make out but you think that might be what it’s doing.

You get up with a grin on your face, starting to copy the movements from the book as the last of the light slips away from the world. You might as well try it, right? Again, something was just telling you to. It was the same feeling you got when you went to open the book.

It feels good to do them for some reason. Almost like you’re on some kind of stage as you twirl around, moving your arms while your eyes scan across the horizon. It only really ends when you mess up on the last step and end up falling over and landing right on your back. Oh well, it’s not too bad like this. The grass is actually pretty soft and now you can get a good look at what you came out here to see since it was dark now. You laugh a little bit as you mentally trace over the made up constellations that your uncle told you about up in the sky.

But something about them seems....off. They aren’t supposed to be moving like that. Come to think of it, constellations aren’t really supposed to be moving at all! They seem to be...coming towards you? This can’t be right. They’re supposed to be far away.

Like someone slowly climbing out of a deep pool of water, they seem to flow around a figure that you can only describe as surfacing from them. The blackness of empty space glittering with light drips around them and off of them, covering their skin like a thick liquid falling off.

And sure enough, someone is standing next to you. It’s a very large man with hair that seems as dark as the space that he should not have been able to exist in at all a moment ago, completely solid now and staring at you with glowing blue eyes and a stern unreadable face. He’s wearing clothes that seem as white as light itself. He sighs and sits down on the grass. Something about him seems off. Almost like there’s something behind him that you can’t see but you know is there.

“Yare yare, you couldn’t keep your balance could you?” His voice is deep and has an annoyed tone that matches his face in a way.

You just give him a very confused look. An EXTREMELY confused look considering he just stepped out of the actual sky somehow!

“Um....who are you and how did you just do that?” It was the only reasonable question that your mind could piece together right now. Nothing about this situation was reasonable at all.

“Jotaro.”

You pause, waiting for him to explain more of it, but he doesn’t seem to. That answered almost none of your questions. You get up and let out a sigh of your own.

“Fine. I guess I’ll just go back then. I thought I was alone out here before.” You turn to get up and he seems to mimic your movements, almost like he’s trying to figure out how to do them himself.

You roll your eyes. You don’t want some guy you found up in the hills that saw you dancing to follow you back to the house. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

He stares at you, staying still for now. “No. I can’t go back anymore. It’s going to be a pain in the ass to find somewhere to stay.”

You can’t really turn away from the look he’s giving you. Even though you have trouble reading his face, something about his eyes gives off the impression that he is telling the truth about that. You relax and shrug.

“I guess you can stay with me then. Just....don’t touch anything. I still need to sort everything out.”

He gives you a nod. “I won’t touch any of your uncle’s crap.”

You tilt your head and give him a look before you turn around and start walking back in the direction of the house. “Did you know him?”

“In a way. He tried to talk to me a lot. It was really freaking annoying.”

You can’t stop yourself from laughing. “I can see how he would be. He was a good guy though even if he could be weird like that sometimes.”

He scoffs as he starts following behind you. For some reason his footsteps don’t seem to be making any sound. “I didn’t say he wasn’t. Just irritating sometimes.”

“That sounds like him.”

You walk the rest of the way back in silence, but this time it’s a much more comfortable one. This guy was your uncle’s friend and he didn’t seem too bad even if he was also kind of weird. Being around him made you feel as calm as you would have been anyway with the stargazing for some reason.

When you get back, you unlock the door slowly since it’s hard to see in the dark. “We can sit out on the porch for a while. I think I was lucky enough to find some tea and some mugs that weren’t actually broken before I left.”

He nods and looks around, looking around and sitting on the railing of the porch instead of the actual chairs that are laid out. You don’t even stop him. If it works for him then it works for him you guess.

You come back out a few minutes later with the mugs of tea. You don’t know what kind of tea it is, but it smells good so it’s probably fine. Your uncle never really kept bad tea in his house from what you can remember. You hand one of them to Jotaro.

“So do you live around here? I know there’s some kind of town close by. Also was the thing with the sky....real?”

He seems to be looking out through the trees. Some of the stars can still be seen, but not as clearly as before and you can’t seem to find the constellations that you saw him walk out of.

“It was. If you had actually been competent with the ritual I wouldn’t be stuck here and I would be able to leave when I feel like it.”

You set his tea down and roll your eyes. “No one even told me I was doing a ritual! I was just following what I saw in the book! And you still haven’t told me what’s actually going on!”

Again, you don’t really get an answer from him. You just sigh and take a sip of your own tea, staring up at the now empty looking space in the sky with him.

It had been a few days since Jotaro had showed up at the house uninvited and despite the fact that he still hadn’t fully told you what was going on, you were actually getting along. You had realized pretty quickly that he wasn’t the best at expressing himself and it would take a bit more to actually read him, almost like the book you had accidentally used to bring him here in the first place. But once you realized that, it became easier to understand him. Like when he said he didn’t need to eat and called you stupid for now knowing that, but then ended up finishing the entire plate of food you made for him anyway.

He had started helping you fix the place up without even asking. You figured it was probably because you were letting him stay there, but he had just started doing it without really saying anything about it. When he would do things in the daytime like taking out the trash and getting rid of some of the weeds in the yard (which seemed to be pulled up by some weird invisible force you couldn’t perceive for some reason), he looked normal enough if you disregarded the naturally intense colors of his eyes and his hair.

But at night, he seemed to take on the same quality you felt when you first ran into him. Like there was something murky behind him under the surface like a gigantic fish hiding in the shadows of a pond that you could only see the outline of. It bothered you just a little bit and it gave you a headache sometimes, but you kept this to yourself because you didn’t want Jotaro to worry about it when he was already being so nice to you. You still also felt kind of bad that you were the reason why he was stuck here even if you didn’t know the exact details of what had happened.

Today, you needed to go into town for some supplies. Jotaro hadn’t wanted to come with you at first because he thought that running into people might be annoying, but he had decided to come at the last minute anyway for some unexplainable reason.

Since it wasn’t super far away, you had decided that it would be better to walk there since you didn’t want to deal with driving today. The path was nice and took you right through the woods, letting you see the twisting branches of the winter trees covered in fresh ice and snow that had just fallen yesterday and glimmered like glass as it slowly dripped down and melted. While you could make out the path, it still wasn’t spared from being covered in a white blanket of the stuff. It softly crunched under your boots and left footprints as you made your way. But again, it was only you. Jotaro might as well have not even been there since it stayed perfectly still and smooth wherever he seemed to walk.

“Have you done much in the snow before?”

It was a basic question you were curious about as you walked behind him since he seemed to already somehow know the way. In fact, you wondered how much he had interacted with much of anything before or what existed in his own little square of reality that he had been pulled out of.

“Not really. But I’ve seen it before.”

“Oh?” You grin to yourself, an idea popping into your head. You start to pull bits of snow off of the low branches as you walk, packing them together and rolling them in your gloved hand.

“I’ve been around to see a lot of the crap that happens in this area. That includes snow storms-”

Before he can finish talking, you suddenly throw the snowball that you’ve been making at him and he suddenly stops walking. However, instead of hitting his coat which seems to be whiter than the snow and falling apart on impact like you expect it to, it seems to just vanish out of existence completely.

You pause yourself and look around with a confused and startled expression until you feel something cold hit your back from behind you. You quickly turn around but there isn’t anything there and it seemed pretty much impossible for Jotaro to have been able to catch it in mid air and pelt you with it when he hadn’t moved.

Still, when you face him again, he is staring at you with a certain look in his eyes and you can’t really think of any other way that it could have hit you.

“It seems like you know what a snowball is at least!”

Eventually the two of you do reach the town after more walking and a few more ambushes of snowballs between you both. It isn’t really much to look at, but you suppose the houses are kind of nice. All of the ones in this area are very old with the exception of a few, but in a way where they have their own personalities that grew over the years.

When you get there, you can tell that some people are giving you guys some looks. While they recognize you as your uncle’s brother’s kid and don’t really think much of you because they’ve seen you around before, in a small town like this where everyone seems to know everyone else Jotaro definitely stands out.

It’s hard to tell by the expression on his face how he’s taking this though. He doesn’t seem to be an easy person to read at all. But from how close he’s starting to walk next to you, you have a feeling that he isn’t very comfortable with the stares that he seems to be getting. You hear him mutter under his breath “Good grief, do people really have to stare like that?” and you have to wonder the same thing.

You step into the store and start to grab the supplies you need quietly and quickly. You don’t really want to stay here too long. For now you just seem to be getting looks, but what if they realize that Jotaro is more than they think he is? It’s just better if you hurry.

As you step up to pay for your things, Jotaro grabs you hand suddenly without any change in his expression or reaction to what he just did. You try your best to match the indifference, hoping that it will somehow help for some reason or another. After you check out you walk out the door and he doesn’t seem to let go until you’re far enough away, almost dragging you.

He finally does let go before you get into a more crowded part, looking away from you and pulling the hat that he’s wearing down ever so slightly. He doesn’t say anything, so you just nod in response. It looked like he didn’t want to bring it up again. Instead, you decide to talk about something else. Something that might take his mind off of the town in general.

“What kind of places did you usually like to look at when you were up there?”

“The ocean. It’s really big and I liked looking at the animals when they came to the surface. It was.....relaxing and nice.”

You smile at him. “That does sound really nice. I bet you saw a lot of it from up there. Maybe I can take you to visit it on the ground some time. It probably looks different from the ground.”

He nods at you, and you get the feeling that he might be relaxing just a little bit. “I would enjoy that.”

You had gotten back to the house with the supplies a few weeks ago and it had been uneventful, but also relaxing. Jotaro was adjusting really well, which was good because you still couldn’t find a way to reverse what you did and he was probably here to stay if things kept going the way they were. Not that you hadn’t been trying, but there were a lot of books in your uncle’s collection and you couldn’t read most of them so you had to ask Jotaro for help which always irritated him since your uncle had apparently not organized them very well.

You hadn’t brought up that one time when the two of you had gone into town, but for some reason you couldn’t get it out of your mind. Even though he was just pulling you somewhere at the time, remembering how he just grabbed your hand like that made your heart beat a little bit faster. Were you really growing that close to him? Even if you found a way for him to go, were you really sure that you wanted him to leave?

Currently, the two of you were sitting on the porch with some more warm food that you had made, looking through more of the books again. The one you were looking through was one of your uncle’s journals about the ‘old gods’. Jotaro was somehow able to eat with whatever invisible form you couldn’t fully make out while also holding the book with his human hands, which you figured must be really helpful.

“Good grief, this book is useless.” Suddenly you see it flying off to the side and you let out a sigh.

“Tell me about it. I still can’t read most of these symbols. You would probably be able to though.” You shrug and set the book down, taking another bite of your food.

You wonder if you should have said that, because he seems to vanish from where he is and suddenly materialize behind you picking the book up as you end up on his lap. His body is surprisingly solid, but you swear that you can feel it shifting under you constantly like it has a mind of it’s own and it could turn into liquid and flow away at any time. You can feel your cheeks turn red, but you don’t really say anything. You just continue to eat your food.

“You should have gotten my help with this one sooner. This is pretty much what were looking for. The handwriting is crap, but it should still do the trick.”

You bite your lip. This was it. He could finally go back to where he came from in the stars. He could finally go home. You weren’t really sure what to feel about this, but you knew you should be happy. He wouldn’t be stuck here anymore and he would end up where he belonged. Still, you can’t help the words that slip out of your mouth. You end up saying them very quietly under your breath.

“I’m going to miss you....”

You’re suddenly turned to face him and to your surprise he’s pulling his hat down over his face to hide it. It’s something he would sometimes do when talking to you, especially lately but you still aren’t really sure why. But since you are this close to him, for some reason it is hitting you differently this time.

“I don’t have to leave right now. I can....stay here. For as long as I want. I have a lot of time. That and I would....actually miss you too. You’re less irritating and loud than most of the humans here.” He says the last part quietly and you pause. Did he...feel the same way about you? Is that why he never brought up holding your hand?

You decide to test the waters and pull him in for a kiss. This time you aren’t really surprised when he closes his eyes and kisses back. You swear you can make out something shifting around excitedly in the space behind him as a few eyes stare at you.

#jjba #jotaro x reader #jjba x reader #jotaro #jotaro kujo #reader insert #jojos x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure #fanfiction #jotaro kujo x reader

77 notes · View notes

daryl-dixon-daydreams · 2 years

Note

Did not mean to come off as rude, it was a genuine question. I just noticed like very watt-pad esc sort of like… curt no elaboration writing. I don’t know how else to describe it without being rude— but like what I mean is lack of detail etc etc, it just seems like when I read you seem tired of writing or your writing is half done etc

No, no, anon... These are genuine questions coming from a place of genuine concern: "Hey! how are you doing? Is everything going okay? What's new in life?" Don't pretend like there isn't a very obvious better way to approach someone you are actually worried about. And shockingly it doesn't involve commenting about the quality of what they create at all... And do you want me to give you a shovel? Because you really are just digging yourself a deeper hole here... I tried to dismiss this and let it go with the first message, but I guess it now warrants a longer response. I'll be kind to the best of my ability and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you had no real malicious intent here, but you sort of missed the entire point of my last response. The point is I didn't ASK for your assessment... I didn't post about wanting critiques. I didn't open the floor for feedback. I didn't say, "hey! anybody feel like my writing has been shit lately?" So sending a creator giving you free content a weird, unsolicited, backhanded message about what you perceive as some drop in the quality of their work (a creator you literally don't even know, by the way—I know sometimes the internet makes it seem like you know people you follow, but you are a stranger to me) is hella strange and rude. It'd be like someone walking up to you on some average day and going "Wow. You look awful today." Does anyone EVER want to hear that? Is that a thing that should be happening ever? And like... I have no fucking idea where this is coming from or where you're even getting it? So I'm just... annoyed and confused mostly. And then the idea that this "change" in my work is anything other than just your perception apparently never crossed your mind? Like, if you feel a certain way about my recent writing, it has to be that the writing is "unfinished, undetailed, vague, disinterested, curt". It couldn't be that, I don't know, maybe you're in a weird mood or just aren't that interested in the recent plotlines... Maybe you just don't care for my writing anymore! That's fine! But I don't need to hear about it in a rude way... Just move along... I'm a pretty confident and secure person. I know that I'm a good writer and I have absolutely no feeling that the quality of what I'm creating has lessened recently, but for others in the tumblrsphere, or creators ANYWHERE, you need to be more sensitive and aware of the effect that your words can have on someone who already is struggling with self-doubt, which ALL creators do at times. It could be what stops them from creating or putting themselves and their work out into the world, and no matter what the quality of what they produce, that's a loss. Creators manifest things from thin air. They hand you something from nothing. That alone is a huge challenge. So, just.... maybe think for a mo' next time.

So. I don't know. Maybe my writing has become "vague" or "curt" or "disinterested" or "undetailed" (<- this one had me laughing because I literally fill my fics with so much detail that a drabble becomes a one shot and a one shot becomes a miniseries and a miniseries becomes a 29 chapter series...) or maybe you just need to like... chill and move along. Or get better at asking the question "how are you?" without fully inserting your foot into your mouth.

#anon asks

24 notes · View notes

dragon-kazansky · 3 years

Text

Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 2

Race day. The whole track was buzzing with excitement. Over the last two weeks, Zemo had been working hard and improving his car. Between all that, he was thinking about you.

It was strange how someone you met once, and hardly knew, made such an impact on your life. He wondered if you got the ticket. Would you even come?

He stood by his car. People had come to see him, but his eyes were only looking for one person. You had yet to make an appearance. Disappointment hung heavy in his chest.

Tony Stark stood across the way from him. He was chatting to his fans, smiling smugly and relishing in all the attention he was receiving.

If Zemo knew one thing, he wasn't going to let Stark win today. He glares at him as he takes a seat. He sighs. He had hoped you would have come. The thought of you helps cool his thoughts of the other driver.

It won't be long until they are called to the starting lane.

Zemo gets up and grabs his helmet, thinking to make a few last minute checks before they're needed. He would deal with the fact you were a once in a lifetime meeting and get on with the day. The disappointed had settled hard.

He turns his back and was about to make his way to his crew when a voice stopped him.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

He turns around quickly, relieved at the sound of your voice. He grins when his eyes land on you.

"You did, but you're here now. Though, I think you owe me for keeping me waiting."

You smile. "I'm sorry. Getting here was a hassle. I was worried I was going miss the race entirely."

He couldn't stop smiling.

"I'm glad you made it."

The cheering behind you caught your attention. You turned to see Stark climbing into his car. The crowd around him was being asked to disperse.

"I won't let him win today."

You turn to see Zemo looking at you, completely ignoring what's happening behind you.

"He really riles you up, doesn't he?"

"How could you tell?" He asked, not meaning for a reply, but surprised by your response a the same.

"You're clenching your fists and jaw. Is he, like, your enemy?"

Zemo gives a heartless chuckle.

"Something like that."

You stepped closer to him and smiled softly. This closely, he could smell the fragrance you had put on today. You leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"A good luck charm. I'll be cheering for you."

You're not sure where your bravery had come from, but you wanted to do something to get his mind off Stark. He looked a little surprised, but he looked more smug than that.

"My own little good luck charm? Perhaps things will be different today."

You smile as you step back. The drivers are being called to the start line. Zemo doesn't quite want to leave you yet, but duty calls.

"That's your stand," he says, pointing to the seating area above him. "I'll be back here when the race ends, meet me."

"Alright."

Zemo has someone help you up to your seat in the stands. He gets into his car as you go, looking up once before driving his car over to the start.

You don't take your eyes off his car.

That tense atmosphere seems to fall over the whole racetrack. It was just like last time. Only there was something more here for you. You were here for Zemo this time, at his request.

The silence was thick. All you could hear was your breathing, and then that beautiful sound. Those engines revving. It was as if at that moment you forgot how to breathe.

They were off.

You were already clutching your seat.

You had a little bit of research on Helmut Zemo. He had won a couple of races before, but had never beaten Tony Stark. There was a rivalry there. This had been going on a few months. Zemo was insistent on beating him at least once.

Maybe, just maybe, today will be that day.

Your eyes flick to the screen where the cars will be picked up now they're out of sight. You can feel your stomach dropping as you watch eagerly. Zemo and Stark are once again locked in battle with each other. They are ready so far ahead of the others and you wonder how they do that so fast. You bite your lip as you watch the purple car.

This would mean so much to Zemo if he beat Stark. It would put Tony down a few notches, maybe then he wouldn't be so high and mighty.

You have no idea what happened. It was as if you suddenly zoned back in to the race. Attention brought back to the screen at the sound of screeching tyres.

You tense up.

Luckily no damage had been done, but both Stark and Zemo had spiralled out of control, both cars now facing the wrong way. You could see them on the screen.

The others will catch up soon. They don't have much time to keep their places if they're going to get back into the race.

Stark's car sparks to life. You feel your heart drop as he takes off again.

Zemo cannot get his car to start again.

Banging his hand against the steering wheel he glares after Stark. Another race he will not win. No doubt Tony will have something to say later.

You can only watch as Helmut climbs put of his car and walks off the tracks. All the other cars speed past him. His car won't be crossing the finishing line today.

You don't care about the rest of the race, you leave tour seat and hurry down to the barricade. You would wait for Zemo like you said you would.

He doesn't return to the stop until the race is over, Stark's name being hollered from every direction. He comes over with a hard look on his face, jaw clenched in anger. His helmet was in his hand, hair slightly messy from it's removal.

He stalks over to where you are waiting. He doesn't even look at you as he drops the helmet and sits down, head in his hands.

"Zemo?"

He doesn't say anything. He just sits there and sighs. Your lucky kiss didn't bring him much luck.

There was no way you could be impressed with his skills after that. He had wanted to impress you today. He had wanted to cross that finish line for you. He failed.

He swears it's Stark's fault they collided like that. Now his team had to go fetch the abandoned car and fix it.

One day. One day he would beat that man.

"Zemo?"

He lowers his hands and turns his head to the side, looking at you with gentle eyes. He has a little smile on his face, but you could tell he was utterly defeated.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" You ask, confused by the sudden apology.

"For wasting my lucky charm."

You chuckle softly and sit down on the tarmac by his chair.

"It's not a big deal. I'm just glad you're alright. I know how dangerous this can be."

He nods. People can die in this job.

"You have been doing some research?"

"Yes. I wanted to understand your world better." You look down sheepishly. It felt strange confessing that to him.

"My world is fast," he says, voice dropping in volume.

You both ignore the cheering happening in the distance. Tony was receiving his reward as his team parks his car opposite you.

"I like the fast lane, I found out. I'd like to stay in it a little longer."

Zemo's gaze landed on you.

"Would you like to join me for a drink?" He asks, wanting to take his mind off the race.

"I would love to," you smile up at him.

"Wait for me by the gate, I'll pick you up once I've changed."

You nod and stand up. You make your way to the exit of the racetrack, waiting by the gate. Zemo goes to get out of his racing gear.

As you wait, Stark makes his exit. He spots you, grinning.

"Waiting for someone?"

"Yes," you reply curtly.

"You're wasting your time on him. You know that? Not only is he a danger on the track, but off it too." Tony peered at you over his shades, "consider that a warning."

"I think I can judge him for myself, but thank you."

Tony shrugs and drives off.

The nerve of that man! Granted, he didn't sound he meant ill feelings as he said it, but that fact he even felt the need to say that angered you. Sure, you hadn't known Zemo all that well, and everything you did know you got off the internet, but you felt more than capable to make a judgement yourself.

Tony was out of sight now.

You turned when you heard another car approach. It was a different one from the one he had two weeks ago. You smile as he pulls up in front of you. You climb in.

Zemo drives you both away from the track.

"What happened to the race car?"

"My crew will take it back and look at the damage. I'll check in with them tomorrow. I have some changes to make to it."

"What happens now? I mean, since you didn't cross the line," you ask, wanting to know more.

"I'll be set back a bit, but I'll overcome it. One day I will beat Stark. His winning streak will have to end at some point, and I would very much like to do it before the racing season ends."

"How long do you have?"

"There are three more races before the season ends."

"I believe in you."

For some reason those words set off something inside of him. He glances at you briefly as a smile spreads across his face. Perhaps it was fate that brought you to him. He would like to think that.

Zemo knee exactly where to take you. A good quiet place for drinks.

The bar was nice. Nothing flashy or loud, just a casual place for drinks. Zemo and yourself sat in the back, out of immediate eyesight of everyone else. He wanted to spend this time with you, and only you.

"What else did you learn in your research?" He asks, wanting to kick off the conversation.

"You've only been racing a handful of years, only being racing professional a few months, and yet you're super talented on the track. I had to look up some of the racers, most of which have been racing professionally for years. Yet, you're up there with them," you say, sounding impressed.

"I'm good at what I do, no doubt about that."

"How did you get into racing?"

"I love cars. Back home, I have a collection of classic models. You have only seen two of the cars I own. One day I decided to give racing a go. The thrill that runs through your veins when you're speeding around that track, it is unlike anything I've ever felt before. Adrenaline takes over once your foot is on the pedal. All you see is the track ahead."

You smile as you listen.

"I could get used to going to races."

Zemo looks at you with soft eyes, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I would very much like it if you would."

"I can't guarantee I can be at them all. I have to work too. My job isn't nearly as cool as yours though."

"How about this, for every race you come watch, I take you out for drinks after," he offered.

"Are you... asking me out?"

"Only if you attend the races," he states.

You look down at your drink.

"I'll see what I can do, I suppose."

He chuckles, "I'll take it."

"So, there's only three races left, right?"

"Yes," he confirms.

"You have to win all three to beat Stark this season?"

"Yes."

"Can you do it?"

Zemo looks at you with focused eyes. His lips pulled into a smug grin.

"I'm going to do it."

"When is the next race?"

"Two weeks. They are two weeks apart each."

"Right." You read that online. "What's the plan from here. How do you spend the time between races?"

"Improving. Tomorrow I will meet with my crew and see the damages done to my car. I will do whatever I have to do to get it back in top form. I will improve it and test it. Over and over if I have to. I will beat Stark."

You smile.

"I know you can do it. You can."

"Well, if you keep saying it, then I know I can too," he winks at you. You chuckle and try to hide your smile by sipping your drink.

This was nice. You would get to do this again as long as you attended the rest of the races. You made a silent promise to do whatever you could to attend the remaining races. Work be damned!

When you finished your drink, Zemo drove you back to your hotel. Much like last time, you both lingered in the car before you went inside.

"Would you like to come to the garage tomorrow? I could show you what we do behind the scenes," he offers. If he was being genuinely honest, be just wanted to spend more time with you.

"Sure. I'm free tomorrow, but then I'll have to catch the next train home."

"I'm honoured you went to all the trouble to come see me race again," he smiled.

"You invited me. I wasn't going to pass up the chance to see you again," you blurted out.

You sit there in shock. Zemo looks extremely proud and smug.

"I mean-"

"No, no. Don't say any more," he laughs.

You're a blushing mess as you climb put of his car.

"See you tomorrow then?"

You just nod and head inside, embarrassed beyond belief. You can't believe you said that.

Zemo drives away with a smile.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @gingerwriter97 @lunamooney2406 @wilder-fangirl @nectav @whovianayesha @thesuitkovian @cathrin2405 @deathtothepatriarchy @belle82devart @dxrksxul06 @killeromanoff @alex-the-nb

#helmut zemo x reader #zemo #zemo x reader #helmut zemo #baron helmut zemo #marvel #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier

190 notes · View notes

hotdamnhunnam · 3 years

Text

Nefarious Shit

Charlie Hunnam: Lockdown Lovin’

A/N: Here’s a fluffy smutty little fic with Charlie being all cuddly and domestic! 🥰 Based on the below request, in which you are Mrs. Hunnam, spending quarantine with him. He’s recording this video for his fans, but your presence in the room is a distraction—and gets him in the mood for some action...

Pairing: Charlie Hunnam x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, stupidly fluffy fluff, you & him behaving like silly little idiots in love Request: Request 1 (@rochyu) + Request 2 (anon)

Word Count: ~2.2k

Note: I definitely recommend watching the actual video for context! (It’s less than 3 minutes.) This fic quotes some of Charlie’s lines from it, plus some gifs! ✨

“Hey.”

It’s a very simple word for anyone to say. One of the simplest. But somehow the way Charlie Hunnam says ‘hey’ turns you on like nobody’s business. As he starts to record, he says it with a playful smirk like it’s some kind of dirty word, and makes it sound so hot it hurts, ‘cause he’s a cheeky little bastard.

The word wasn’t even addressed to your ass in this instance. Your loving husband—yes, your husband, be that as it may, you still pinch yourself damn every day—is recording a short video for his fans. Felt the need to condemn some nefarious hooligans, using his good name in vain, for their personal gain. Ordering them to never do shit like that ever again. And warning his fans not to interact with frauds on social media who falsely represent themselves as him.

Watching him from the other end of the room, you’ve never been happier to be Mrs. Hunnam.

Charlie acknowledges to his audience that he doesn’t do stuff like this very often. “So, I don’t usually, um—make videos like this, but...”

While he records you keep distant and quiet; your marriage is thankfully private. No one else in the world needs to know that a humble civilian girl is the love of his life, and his wife, and his full-time cock-worshiping slut.

Speaking of being such a slut... you’re currently wearing nothing but Jax Teller’s legendary kutte. It’s one of your husband’s most prized possessions, hung in pride of place in his closet—he never lets anyone touch it. It’s sacred, and strictly off-limits. But on certain occasions, he tells you to strip your ass naked... and then put his kutte on so that he can fuck you in it.

So right before this little video, no more than five minutes ago, that’s what he just did. You reminisce about it, while Charlie carries on scolding the scum of the internet. “You know—far be it from me to dictate what anyone is doing, other than: if you’re using my name to do some nefarious shit...”

Meanwhile you figure you should change into a somewhat respectable outfit, smiling to yourself as you think about all the ‘nefarious shit’ you and your husband do. The whole world has no clue...

And you have no clue—though you probably should—that as soon as you take off this kutte, to put some proper shirt and pants on... your bare skin captures Charlie’s attention. And just as any dirty bastard would, now he’s already thinking of the next nefarious thing he’s gonna do to you.

***************

Charlie mentions on the video that he hasn’t left the house in a long while. As he says it he looks over at you with a chuckle and a thirsty little smile. He tries to keep it subtle, but it’s hard for him to focus when you’re half-naked and all he can think about is just how lucky he is you’re his girl. In the meantime he’s saying on record how it’s a weird time for the world, what with social distancing and isolation, and how angry he is that people would be using his good name to manipulate others in the middle of such an insane global situation.

2020 has certainly been a strange year. But you’ve been so blessed to spend every damn minute of lockdown with your loving husband, in this house that you’ve made your home, as Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Hunnam. Home is where the heart is and yours is right here.

Your man signs off, sending his fans all of his love. Well, not quite all of it of course—to be sure, the best and biggest part of his heart is all yours.

So is 100% of his dick. The two of you have been fucking roughly five times a day in the midst of this global pandemic. ‘Roughly’ as in ‘approximately’—though fortunately for you, the other meaning applies too, more often than not. After all your husband is a literal sex god.

By now you’ve put on a pink lacy bra and panties with one of Jax’s SAMCRO T-shirts thrown over your torso. So you’re hardly respectably dressed but much more so, compared to when you were in only his kutte a few moments ago.

You had been considering pants but decided against it given that this men’s tee is plenty to cover up most of your skin. It’s all soft and comfy and smells of him. Wearing his clothes as often as you want is one of the thousands of benefits of being Mrs. Hunnam.

But the biggest benefit is the enormous piece of meat between his legs. Which always treats you to the world’s most epic sex.

“Well, that was distracting as fuck,” your man playfully scolds as he slams his laptop shut. Through his grey sweatpants you can see that he’s already hard as a rock. “Good thing the camera didn’t catch sight of my cock. You cheeky little slut.”

“What? Love, it’s not as if you’ve never seen me with my clothes off...” you scoff, with a provocative bat of your lashes as he slowly crosses the room toward you.

“You think that makes the sight of you any less stunning?” he asks as he takes in the view. Although your top is mostly covered by this tee, your legs are bare to see, and Charlie loves seeing his clothes on his woman. “You know nothing, Mrs. Hunnam.”

He then approaches till he’s close enough to place his hands upon your hips, to hear your heated breathing, taste the next words from your lips: “Enlighten me, then.”

Your husband clicks his tongue at you as if he seriously disapproves. You often jump at any chance for 50 Shades roleplay given the role that he turned down some time ago and Charlie is all too familiar with your moves. “Now, Y/N, I think you just mixed up two very separate pop culture references.”

“Then maybe you should educate me on the differences...” you suggest. Of course you’re well aware that Christian Grey and Jon Snow are two very different men, and Charlie knows that but it’s fun for you to both pretend. “You’re the movie star, after all. What does this so-called ‘enlightenment’ involve?”

He smiles and shakes his head, referring back to the first time that he played Mr. Grey in the bedroom as if you could ever forget. “I’ve already given you a lesson in proper submission.”

“Well, I guess I didn’t listen.”

“I doubt that,” he purrs, suddenly reaching to rip the shirt off of your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. “You look prettier without that.”

You hadn’t resisted at all but it’s fun to pretend that you had. Scowling at him as if you’re mad, you then reach up and tap your palm against the top of his head with a patronizing pat. “Well, you looked better with the hat.”

Charlie gasps as if appalled, insulted to the core of his soul. “Hey, that’s not fair...!”

“I told you to do something with your hair,” you remind him of the brief conversation you’d had before he recorded. Acting as if you’re seriously scolding him though you both know you’re not at all. “Or at least to keep that fucking hat on over it. Instead you showed up looking like a chicken with that ridiculous tuft sticking out at the back of your head, and then admitted to the world you need to get your hair sorted.”

There’s a mirror on the wall nearby, and you gesture toward it, so that Charlie can see with his own two eyes. He realizes he really does look like the world’s sexiest chicken. “So what, now looking like a chicken is a sin?”

“Of course it is.”

He flashes you a precious pout, knowing you’ll be desperate to kiss it off his mouth. “But you once told me I could strut around in a potato sack and still look gorgeous.”

It’s all too true yet you refuse to take the bait. Instead decide to make him wait. “I just said that to butter you up so you’d marry me, sucker.”

“Motherfucker—!” Charlie gasps again, as you start running away from him flapping your arms like a chicken.

You laugh back at him. “More like motherclucker!”

The two of you are very adult—perhaps to a fault—when it comes to the hot filthy sex that you have with him. Honestly filthy as hell. But when it comes to foreplay and teasing and everything else... you are literally just a couple of overgrown idiot children.

Charlie chases you all through the halls and downstairs to the kitchen. “Don’t tempt me into punishing you!”

Needless to say you want him to. “Oooh, you mean with that big cock-a-doodle-doo?”

He finally catches you as you run to the living room, your laughter picking up in volume, pinning you down to the sofa as he ruins you with his icy blue stare. “Shut up about the fucking hair.”

His hands are so close to your neck and you just wish that he would put them there and squeeze. “Mmm, but you’re so much fun to tease...”

Instead of choking you, he drops his hands down toward your chest, tracing the lacy fabric of your bra to grab your breasts, tenderly stroking you. “I bet you think this is when I say to get on your fucking knees.”

You moan at the touch of his talented fingers, begging in a breathless whisper. “Fuck, yes please...?”

“No,” he responds, so brutally denying what his woman wants. “For once, that’s not how this is gonna go. Sit up.”

He props you comfortably in position, amidst all the cushions. Ignoring your urge to get down on the floor, in submission, serve him as his cocksucking whore. Play your usual role as the good little slut. “But—”

“Stay up,” he interrupts. “I don’t wanna play rough. Today I’m feeling soft.”

“Well, that’s a lie...” you reply, lowering your eyes, one hand reaching to graze the prize bulging between his thighs.

“Hands off the merchandise. Let me indulge in playing nice.”

“But whyyy?” you protest with a sigh. “I’ve been such a bitch, hoping that I would get punished for it...”

Your man just shakes his gorgeous chicken-haired head. “You mean rewarded. There’s no point in getting punished when you’re gunning for it.”

Well, fuck him for being so fucking correct. “Charlie...”

“Shhh,” he hushes you softly, as you realize that this is how you’re getting punished: he hears your inner cockslut loud and clear but is determined to ignore it. “Just lie back and let me love this body that belongs to me. Admire and adore it.”

And at those words off of his lips, which he seals with a loving kiss... you lose all power and desire to resist. You’re so completely fucking his. As eager as you always are for rough and filthy sex—as much as part of you will always want to beg—you’re equally obsessed with this. Getting lost in his touch, sweet kisses and caresses from the man you love so much, drowning in the pure magic of romantic bliss.

You love each other so much it’s ridiculous. Hilarious. Downright nefarious.

Within seconds both of your clothes are gone, like they were never even on. His every move is slow yet sudden all at once. The warmth of his soft lips and tongue lavishing love across your chest, his mouth latching around your breast, two fingers slipping in the hot flood of your cunt. Thumb playing with your swollen clit, as he keeps passionately sucking on your tits.

Time fucking bends, seconds to minutes, hours even, as your man descends, until his mouth is where his hand had been—when did that even happen?—every inch of his tongue sending you to heaven. Soon enough he seamlessly replaces his mouth with his cock, and by then... fuck, you’re honestly done. So far gone. He never has to ask to know exactly what you want, because he’s everything you want. And need and love.

As mind-blowing as Charlie is at playing rough, he’s just as good at being soft. He’s all about the fluff and stuff. One tender hand sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear, the other reaching down to pull you near.

There are so many words he doesn’t have to say for you to hear.

Just how grateful he is, that you are his. To have you here. It’s been a weird and crazy year—so fucking weird—and heavy with the weight of blood and tears, the whole world literally plagued with pain and fear. But the love that you share with your husband, is the one thing that’s always constant, true and clear.

And the love he makes... cradles your heart till it’s so full it aches, fucking breaks, as your whole body quakes and the earth fucking shakes. Knowing that he will spend all his life putting every last piece into its perfect place, and holding it together whatever it takes.

It’s not fair that a man like this even exists. Let alone that you’re so fucking blessed to be his. It’s some serious, downright nefarious shit. Gazing up into his eyes of endless blue, you realize for the thousandth time no girl in all the world is luckier than you.

And of course once this session of soft tender loving is through—then, to make all your deepest and dirtiest dreams cum true... there are at least fifty thousand shades of filthy shit your nefarious husband can do.

***************

Hope you enjoyed this, and would love to hear if you did! 🤗💖

Masterlist

Tag List – Join Here!*

*If you’re unable to use that link to join the tag list, just let me know and I’ll manually add you to it!

@itsme-autumn @rebelwrites @happyhenners @band--psycho @witching-hour @est11 @edonaspanca @ughdontbeboring @neverland14353 @starbooty @coffeequeenxx @innerpaperexpertcloud @i-love-scott-mccall @six-camelot @alexa-rae-dreamz @justme2042 @awesomenatalia @auroraariza @rochyu @coffeebooksandfandom @inlovewithcharliehunnam @turner-cris @thesuicidalflower @chrmdnbeautiful @xladymacbethx @holl2712 @snow-white-74 @moonlight-fern @stitchesbystults @lilacyennefer @magic-room @sunflower12335 @trishmarieofficial @smoochesfroggos @o0idk0o @beth-winchester21 @flaireandsynch @littlebennettwitchsblog @got-to-love-a-badboy @noneofyourbusinessssblog @notquitecannon @wayward-avenging @travistheaussie @helloheyhihowdyheya @filliandkili @christycarnell6 @happylittlepuppydog @dinopin @leathercladmenfics @magictehnique @amberembers @addcrastinator3 @gemini0410 @waywardodysseys @foreve-free @midnvght-lies @wiccanash @batmanb @xbreezymeadowsx @louisianalady @perhapstan @beethebuzzbuzz72 @boredintheglade [hit the 50-tag limit – list to be continued in a reblog of this fic]

#charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam smut #charlie hunnam imagine #charlie hunnam fanfiction #charlie hunnam fic #charlie hunnam x reader #charlie hunnam x you #jax teller #sons of anarchy #soa #rpf #rpf fanfic #rpf fanfiction #celebrity imagines

327 notes · View notes

theyreonlynoodlesmike · 3 years

Text

It’s Just a Movie: Part 15 (Poly!Lost Boys x reader) fic

<- Previous Chapter Next Chapter ->

Warnings: angst, depression, blood mention

Word Count: 2081

(( This chapter is mainly just exposition cause I actually want to finish this story and not lose mojo for it!! Hope you guys enjoy!! ))

Nightly visits to the boardwalk never seemed to get boring, even if it’s what you had been doing for months. With the boys, your boys, you could never be bored. Time passed like grains of sand in an hourglass, each day slipping out of your fingers and down to the bottom. As the summer months got closer, the less you felt like going home.

Of course, you had your days, and your phases. Something would happen, usually small, and you’d find yourself reaching for your phone. You had stopped bringing it with you to the boardwalk, finding that you couldn’t take it out on the boardwalk and it wasn’t like you could use it much anyways. And sometimes that was it. You’d remind yourself that you hadn’t brought it with you, that you had no use for it, and that was it. But not always. There were days, days that didn’t start occurring until after you’d been there for over three months, where that realization would encircle your heart like a cruel fist. It’d squeeze, and you would suddenly feel out of place. Wrong. Lost.

Those moments racked through you, and there was hardly much you could do to stop the aftermath the first time it happened. Sobs would escape your mouth before you could stop them, and the boys had been just as taken aback as you were. They had, unfortunately, seen you cry before. But that had been from their own actions. Your sudden break, sudden sorrow, had been confusing to all of them. Though, of course, there were a couple of them who were more vocal than the others. You were lucky that you hadn’t left the cave yet. You had cried for nearly hours, with the boys trying in various ways to get you to stop until they finally just let you let it out.

When you were finally able to explain, you found that they understood more than you thought they would. It was then that you reminded yourself that they were lost too.

You had been lying in your bed with David besides you. They were taking turns trying to cheer you up before, but there was something about the blonde that comforted you just a tad bit more than the others. Perhaps it was that he wasn’t telling you it was going to get better. Or trying to make you laugh. Or trying to cheer you up at all. He was simply there, smoking in your room no matter if you asked him not to. You were laying your head on his chest, which was silent under your ear. After an hour of silence, David decided to speak.

“We all went through, well, something similar.” He said suddenly, and you lifted your head. Confusion was evident on your face, and you said an audible,

“Huh?” David blew the smoke towards the ceiling and shook his head, gesturing to you.

“Your- whatever it was. I guess your denial stage is over.” He said, and you sat up. Denial? For some reason, David was the best at flaring your temper, and his words did exactly that. You had been dating all of them for two months at that point, and David knew what anger looked like on your face fairly well by then.

“Denial?” You echoed, and you watched as the blonde took another drag. In the past months that you’d been dating them, you’d learned to read all of them fairly well too, and you could tell David wished he hadn’t said anything. As annoying as he could be, you found that he just liked getting on your nerves. Not getting into actual fights. He sat up as well, but he leaned back against the mountain of pillows that the boys had collected for you.

“Denial. You were telling yourself that this wasn’t really happening. That you weren’t really staying here.” He said, and you couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to bring this up again. You scoffed, shaking your head as you moved away from him. Now, some things made sense. Why he’d dropped the topic so many months before. He knew you couldn’t control it, and he chose to chalk up your reluctance as denial. You couldn’t believe him, and you had half a mind to tell him to get out before he was reaching for your hand. “I’m saying this because we went through it too, y/n. We all had to mourn our old lives.” He said, and you stared at him in a whirlwind of confusion and anger. But there was something about what he’d said that struck you. It never occurred to you that the boys had anything to leave behind. Sure, you had read the prequel script, but there wasn’t anything solid. Anything that had made it to the screen. You shook your head.

“But I’m not- I’m not like you. I’m not a vampire. And I’m not- We don’t know if I’m staying forever.” You said, and he stared at you. You watched the way his eyes changed. How just the tiniest bit of disappointment had crept into them. In the two months since you’d started dating, David had become more affectionate. You weren’t surprised when he reached out to cup your cheek, and you let him. Even if your anger was still brewing.

“I know.” You could tell that he wanted to say more. Hell, it was rare that he was ever this quiet, and now you almost wished that he would monologue at you. But, whatever he wanted to say, it seemed he had decided you weren’t ready for it yet. Or that he didn’t want the fight that would follow it. Instead, he held out his arms and said, “C’mere.” It was a small command, and you narrowed your eyes at him before you sighed and gave in. You crawled back into his arms, tucking your head under his chin as his arms wrapped around you. Neither of you spoke of the topic anymore, even if his words had caused a new flurry of thoughts inside your head.

You’d been depressed for a few weeks afterwards. Angry and irritable. And, sometimes, just the tad bit resentful of the four. But, you quickly reminded yourself that this wasn’t their fault, and those feelings dissolved as time moved on and the wound began to heal. There were other moments when the wound would reopen, just as painful and wrenching as the first time that you realized you may be stuck there for good, but those times became fewer and farther in-between until the approaching summer brought on a whole new wave of something else. Excitement. Anxiety. Doubt.

And the closer it got, the more difficult it became to ignore your situation. It was finally a week in late March that you asked David what he had in mind for when you met Star, and it had taken all of the boys by surprise. It wasn’t that you hadn’t been planning for the summer, but none of them had dared to discuss any plans that involved factoring you into it. And when you asked, you couldn’t help but notice how it had pleased your boyfriends. Even if they did their best to hide it, though some were better than others. It was growing increasingly difficult to pay attention to David’s ideas when Paul kept kissing down your neck, and Marko wasn’t helping either. He was holding your hand, and if you dared to look in his direction then he would take that as an opportunity to lean in and steal a quick press of your lips. And if you didn’t? Well, he would simply nuzzle your cheek instead. Finally, after a glare from David, you had settled to sit in Dwayne’s lap. Even then, the brunette kept squeezing your waist every so often, and you swore that you could feel him smiling, just ever so slightly, into your hair.

By the time June arrived, acceptance was inevitable. It was officially summer, and there you were. Still in sunny Santa Carla. Not that you got to see the sun that often. But you had been in their world for seven months, and your world seemed like a thing of the past. And as your nerves for the upcoming events grew, you could hardly spare a thought for your home.

There was no clear indicator as to when the Emersons would arrive, and you didn’t have the internet to research. The best you could do once summer arrived was wait. You weren’t the only one that this was proving difficult for, and certain boys seemed ready to pull their hair out when a hint of what was to arrive finally came. Max, no matter how well the boys hid you, had asked if the boys had started seeing anyone. He assured that he hadn’t actually seen you, but he’d said he could rather smell you. Apparently, a feminine scent was hanging off of all of them. The boys did their best to dodge the topic, and dodge mentioning you. The five of you were worrying about how you were going to cover your tracks when you finally caught sight of a curly haired brunette just at the turn of the month.

The five of you had been on the boardwalk together, going on one of your weekly group dates. Dwayne had his arm around you, even if Paul was trying his best to snatch you out from under him. Your breath had hitched when you saw her. You had to admit. She was gorgeous, even if the sight of her made you feel like you were going to faint. Or throw up. Or both. It was Dwayne that called your name before he asked,

“You okay?” And you quickly looked up at the brunette. You looked ahead, pointing with your eyes, at the barefooted and red lipped girl floating through the crowd. When the others saw her, it sobered any fun that they’d been having. It was time. You’d all been discussing it for literal months, and now it was time to put that plan into action. You reached out for the boy besides you, your hand tangling into Pauls’, and you gave it a hard squeeze. The thought repeated in your mind. It was time.

You didn’t know if it was anxiety or adrenaline, but the night seemed to pass by in a blur. You remembered David approaching her, the drive back to the cave, and now you were sitting on the couch with the girl, Star, sitting besides you. You felt a similar feeling as to the first time you met the boys. Disbelief. Surprise. A strange feeling that this couldn’t be real, even if the past seven months made it obvious that it was.

You didn’t expect to get along with her, but it came as a welcome surprise. Stars face had a way of lighting up as she laughed, and it was helped with how much Paul joked with her from his spot on the wall. Both you and Dwayne smiled, Dwayne’s arm wrapped around the back of your seat on the couch. Marko stood besides David’s chair, egging Paul’s joke on further while David sat in his chair, smoked, and laughed at their banter. You were having a good time, even if what was going to happen soon itched at the back of your mind. Even if you knew the events of the future, it was hard to imagine, at least right now, that Star would be alright with betraying them. Even if you had just met, you had to admit that she fit into the group almost a little too well. And you tried to not let jealousy crowd your thoughts, even if it was David's flirting that had gotten her to come to the cave. You reminded yourself that she ended up with Michael. Whatever she thought of your boys now, it'd change the second she saw Michael. If not the second she turned.

When David finally offered her the bottle, you almost felt bad. Almost wanted to stop it. You even went as far as flicking your gaze to David's. But you couldn’t change what needed to be done. Not when she was the one who reeled in Michael. Not when Max was starting to become suspicious. Not when the boys' lives were at stake. That's exactly what David's eyes told you. So, you watched as Star drank the blood.

#the lost boys #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys david #the lost boys paul #the lost boys marko #marko the lost boys #david the lost boys #paul the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #The Lost Boys 1987 #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys imagines

345 notes · View notes

thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

bella/esme?

Oooh, interesting but very tough question. I mean, given my track record, it's obvious my answer's going to be "I don't see it" except... in this case I kind of do.

Just not in the way you expect, or in a way that the internet will say will count.

So, What's the Problem on Esme's End? I don't read Esme as attracted to women. Though, I'll admit, it's also very hard to get a firm grasp on Esme in general. She's a very strange person, who could very well be attracted to women, but like the number of licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world will never truly know.

Esme is content to be Esme, mother to Edward, wife to Carlisle, sort of mother of the rest of those Cullen kids. If she found herself attracted to a woman, I don't think she'd even realize it, it'd be such a non-concept to her.

Where does that fit into Esme's surreal haze of an existence?

So, even if Esme likes women, even if she likes Bella specifically, I doubt it will ever even occur to her what's happening. She just stares at Bella and thinks how wonderful it is that Edward found such a charming girl.

In other words, that's right, there would be absolutely no difference from what we see in canon.

Otherwise, as usual, canon gets in the way. Esme and Carlisle have extreme issues, but neither realizes they have extreme issues. Esme at the start of Twilight and throughout the series is happily married to Carlisle and will remain so until something very unpleasant and unforeseen happens.

That something may have to do with Bella, but it's not Bella existing in the first place nor is it her having a relationship with Edward. Point being, Bella's a non-option for Esme at any point in the canon series.

And if Esme was single... I don't think she ever would be. I think, given the state she was in when Carlisle turned her, Carlisle not having married her (especially after Edward made Esme's feelings clear) would have destroyed her. And pining after Carlisle was a defining part of her life and may have had a very large hand in her ending up in that Morgue in the first place (Esme keeps saying no to suitors until... Charles comes along).

An Esme who never wanted to marry Carlisle would be a very different person and may very well have not ended up a Cullen at all.

If Esme decided she wasn't that into Carlisle... Well, this is a place for heretical meta so I'll go ahead and say it, she'd probably end up with Edward. And it'd be weird. Really, really, weird. Weirder than what those two do already.

POINT BEING, given that Esme bases her entire persona, for decades, around this Stepford housewife ideal, Esme is not staying single. Certainly not still single by 2005. And if she is then she probably left to go live with the Denali and is having an absolutely miserable time.

And even if we get past all of this, somehow, then Edward likely still shows interest in Bella. If he does, even if Esme is single and realizes her own feelings, Bella's immediately off the table. It's a non-starter, Edward deserves all the happiness in the world and Esme will gladly give that up.

Esme would never go for Bella as a romantic partner.

What's the Problem on Bella's End?

Bella has 0 interest in Esme as a person.

Esme is Mama Vampire, she's very sweet, the sweetest person Bella has ever met and a woman she imprints on as "mom", but that's it. They never spend time together, Bella never shows any interest in spending time with her, and beyond Esme being "mom" Bella could not care less.

Bella has at least one very deep conversation with pretty much every other Cullen: Carlisle at her birthday party, Jasper when he confesses his sordid history, Rosalie when she explains why she treats Bella the way she does and her own history.

The only other person that doesn't hit that quota is Emmett. And he, to Bella, is also a non-concept. He's funny older brother.

Bella won't go out of her way to make friends with Esme, to do anything with Esme, or even listen to Esme's opinions. She just does not care.

Also damning, of the people Bella's attracted to, which includes both men and women, Esme is not on that list. Bella's noticeably attracted to Rosalie, Alice (after they form an emotional connection), Edward, and Carlisle.

Esme's pretty and a vampire, she has oddly soft features for a vampire, but Bella has no remarks beyond that. She doesn't spend much time looking at Esme.

If Esme was the only vampire around, the first one Bella met, and had some interest in Bella then Bella might go for it, because vampire, but it's unlikely even an Esme wandering alone would show that interest.

But Didn't You Say This Was Kind of Canon?! So, the thing is, per the end of Breaking Dawn, Bella's left the planet in a very similar way to Esme.

She has a small cabin where she lives with her nuclear family within a family. Her hybrid daughter sleeps in one room, she has tepid sex with Edward in the other. She reads her alien daughter her favorite books like Wuthering Heights, somehow believing Renesmee follows all of this even when she undoubtedly asks "What's an England?"

Bella prances through the trees in beautiful clothes when she hunts, screaming, "I AM BEAUTIFUL!"

Bella went through a horrifically traumatizing experience, untold amounts of stress, and suddenly gets everything she thinks she ever wanted.

Just as this didn't seem to be good for Esme, it doesn't look good for Bella.

So why do I bring this up? Because I can see Esme and Bella being weird Stepford Mom/Wives together.

They bake cookies for Renesmee that Renesmee can't eat. They take "first day of school pictures" of Renesmee every time she goes to school. Every. Single. Day. Bella gives Renesmee the world's worst rendition of the sex talk as well as vaguely feminist pep talks that are completely out of context. Esme and Bella discuss the joys of motherhood, Esme talking about raising Edward, Bella discussing how she's raising Renesmee and kids just grow up so fast.

They bond beautifully over this shared experience. It's a deep emotional bond between them that the other Cullens can't understand. Bella remarks how close they are and she never realized how difficult Esme's job was before Renesmee.

They get really weird.

But they don't have sex, have no romantic notions towards the other at all, and are simply Mother together.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #twilight shipping #esme cullen #anti esme cullen #bella swan #anti bella swan #esme/bella #anti esme/bella #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #carlisle cullen #carlisle/esme #anti carlisle/esme #renesmee cullen

105 notes · View notes

skye-huntress · 3 years

Text

RWBY Panel 2021 Reaction

I figured why not. I was up at three in the morning to watch the panel just for even the smallest sneak peak or news of Volume 9 so I might as well throw out my reactions and thoughts into the void of the internet.

Let me start off with the biggest non-news, the lack of date for Volume 9. In the back of my mind, this was something I feared to expect. Between the pandemic, the blackouts, and probably a lot of other disrupting forces I am not aware about, it’s not reasonable to expect CRWBY to be at the same place with every upcoming volume every year. Similar for the Volume 8 Soundtrack, though for that I wasn’t expecting to hear any new updates on.

I am interested in the new game, Arrowfell, though I will admit that side-scrollers are not a style of game I’ve ever found compelling. It’s RWBY though, so of course I am going to check it out. They never said anything about what platforms it would be on though.

Now for the sneaky peak:

I’ll admit, that first half of it was intense. It really brought everything back, the anxiety, the near-panic, the anticipation of what would happen. It felt fresh seeing it from Ruby’s perspective.

Maybe seeing Yang’s fall happen in realtime will get people to lighten up on Ruby and realise that she couldn’t have really done anything, but I doubt it.

It is interesting to see how the edges of Ruby’s vision light up when she’s trying to call on her silver eye powers. I’d wager she experiences other sensations as well when its working and not just the sudden fatigue we see her go through after the fact.

So Neo is still attacking Ruby on sight despite the fact this path may have already sealed both their fates. I feel I should say this, I don’t think there is any reasoning with Neo. If she’s half as smart as she thinks she is, there’s no way she genuinely believes Ruby is responsible for Roman’s death. She went after Cinder first for a reason. She’s angry and in pain, and she needs someone a little easier to stab than a rogue maiden to take out her frustrations on. Ruby’s just a convenient scapegoat for Neo. One way or another, it will end this volume.

Oscar, Yang, Penny. These are all people Ruby has failed recently. Oscar was captured and tortured and Ruby didn’t even hear of it until afterwards. Yang took the blow meant for her and was the first to fall. Penny is the Maiden and it was Ruby’s job to protect her but now she is at Cinder’s mercy and that bitch doesn’t even have the word in her vocabulary. I feel this is the volume where Ruby has to confront her failures and increasing doubts about her leadership. We’ve been building up to it for a while

All alone and unarmed on a shore, in a strange place in another world. Nothing to do but keep moving forward.

At the very least, that she landed in the same realm we saw Crescent Rose suggests all or at least some of the Fallen have ended up in the same place.

Predictions

For Ruby, I think this will be a critical volume for her. All sorts of negativity has been building up with her for a while now and with her current situation, the fate of her friends, and when the news of Penny’s death inevitably reaches her, something is going to give. This might be a break from the plot but it is also a break for Ruby to reevaluate her leadership, her choices and how she’s been handling basically everything. How this changes her will likely determine the direction of the show and how the protagonists confront Salem going forward.

For Weiss, this could also be a big volume for her. For one, she’s gained and lost a lot this volume. Atlas, for all its faults which caused her to leave it twice, was her home, and now it is rubble and those of her people that survived are now refugees in a Kingdom they are not necessarily welcome. She confronted her father, and was working on her relationship with the rest of her family, but is now separated from them. She wasn’t as close with Penny as Ruby, but she lost her, too, and now her sister has the same target on her back and is probably doomed to suffer the same fate sooner or later. She also thought she lost her other family and it will be bittersweet to find herself stranded with them if when she can find them again. It’s been a rollercoaster for her.

While on this note, I think we are due for a heart-to-heart between Ruby and Weiss. Ruby recently had a talk with both Blake and Yang about her leadership, but I think Weiss has the best chance of actually reaching her. After all, Weiss was the first one to openly express doubts about Ruby being a leader, and it was also a position she once coveted for herself. Weiss is the sceptic turned believer, and she’s not afraid to call things as they are, so I think she is and always was the best one to talk to Ruby about this, which is why I think they never had this conversation before. Now that Ruby is in this critical stage, of course this is the perfect time for her once reluctant and now devoted partner to put in her two cents.

Since everything went down with Adam and her relationship with Yang improved, I haven’t been quite sure where Blake’s character arc will go from there. When Yang fell, she nearly completely lost and it clouded her judgment. After her talk with Nora, I wonder if Blake herself needs to reevaluate if perhaps there are parts about her own life and wellbeing that she has neglected since she and Yang have gotten closer. Perhaps it’s a time for her to reevaluate her priorities, which doesn’t necessarily mean distancing herself from Yang but it could still mean she puts more effort into herself and her other relationships, especially with Ruby, Weiss and Jaune.

Yang was the first to fall and everything went to shit after the fact. She stopped a sneak attack on Ruby but she couldn’t stop Neo or Cinder, and she was not there for her team or Penny. That moment is probably also too familiar to what happened with Adam at Beacon for Yang’s comfort, not that I think there was anything she could do better in either situation besides simply being faster. I don’t know what Yang’s response to everything will be, what effect this will have on her. Plus I can’t forget that she’s probably suffering a concussion right now.

As for the Bees, despite all they’ve been through and even with the split that happened last volume, they were still closer than ever. There’s a mutual respect there for each other’s decisions. If one is going through something, the other will be there to talk them through it or even simply be a shoulder to cry on. If this is a situation that they’ll be stuck on for the foreseeable future, at least they have each other and there are worse places they could be stranded in. Despite everything that happened or maybe even because of it, it might seem the perfect setting and timing for some confessions and more.

Now to Jaune. He certainly hasn’t had it easy. From the start, he was the furthest behind among his peers, and now he’s been licensed earlier than most of them. Pyrrha helped him a lot with that, and was the first to believe in him and she was taken from him, and it seems he came to terms with that since Argus. He didn’t let his grief blind him and he stayed on task with the evacuation, and he wasn’t reckless when he did confront Cinder. He did everything right, but it wasn’t enough to save Penny and in the end he had little choice but to respect her dying wish. It had to be done, I don’t blame him for being put in that position, but it’s still got to hurt. It’s also so appropriate that his weapon, one of his most important tools as a Huntsman, was broken after spilling innocent blood, almost like a punishment(?) for his “betrayal” to what a Huntsman is suppose to be. He’s going to carry this until the day he dies, and now he has to face his friends, especially his best friend whom was the closest of all of them to Penny.

Finally Neo. Like I said, I don’t think she can be reasoned with. She abandoned any sort of rationale a long time ago, and it will take more than words to shake her out of it, if it’s even possible anymore. I doubt there will be a peaceful solution to this conflict, it feels too similar to what went down with Adam towards his end. He also refused to back down, he too insisted on making Blake his scapegoat, and despite being given every chance to walk away, he persisted until his death. Time will tell if Neo can avoid that fate, but my doubts about that have only strengthened since the sneak peak.

As for Oscar and the others, I already had my doubts about whether we’d see them at all. The way CRWBY talked about this volume, it seems clear that this is our break from the main narrative so I doubt we will be seeing much of Vacuo yet. I am more than okay with that, it’d be good to take a break from the main plot and focus and our main girls again and we’ll get more of that with a significantly reduced cast.

#rwby #rwby8 #rwby8 spoilers #rwby9 #rwby9 spoilers

43 notes · View notes