#you cannot make this shit up. i've laughed so hard i have literal tears in my eyes

[passthroughtime]

sorry @kamuro-junrenka i just giggled from the realisation

then his next words

are SO hypocritical it's unreal

sorry i just love the idea of yagami trying to talk sense to kuwana when it is KUWANA who sees things more clearly. (no kuwana apologism here, he was stupid with revenge killing and he knows that this is who he had to become though he doesn't like it. but HOW and WHO are you teaching this lesson to if your victims just disappear without any reason/explanation/message to the world... lmao.) gonna munch on this thought a little more, i think that is a good point of view and i can elaborate a little later (i have one post that i've been cooking in march, but at that time i decided to finish the game first and write it... and after finishing LJ i've been grieving my loss of judgment... haha see what i did there.)

actually the boat scene is insane in the way that we see live how yagami's convictions tear at the seams, and i WILL be insane about it, yet again, later. ok, whatever, not the point though right now. for me, LJ is about telling yagami (and, consequently, us) that good/bad is not the only possible options and they are even not mutually exclusive.

yagami needed that lesson (hehe) after JE because that was as clear cut case as it might've been. there were bad people and there were good, he's mistaken okubo putting him under the "bad" category but he did nothing wrong and is good in the end, but there is nothing deeper than that. (and that is why i believe that LJ is more thematically rich... while not being that much of a murder mystery that is JE. i love them both for what they have and what they lack though, it's interesting to compare them with each other.)

tbh i think that yagami's past and upbringing is a little downplayed, meaning the only thing that is questionable is the mention that yagami does help the matsugane family with uhhh the crime chores let's say (i don't remember if as a lawyer or as a detective, but i do remember that this was the case). but it mentioned only in passing, and helping to defend hamura in court is not that big of a deal if we see that yagami isn't happy with the outcome though the ruling was justified, yeah?

and though his ties to yakuza are left rather unexplored (considering half of his friends are criminals of some kind LMAO yeah sugiura this includes you too) and doubtly this will be the theme that will ever be brought up again, it is important to remember that yagami as a person is a product of two different worlds. the "bad" and the "good".

the beef i have with the "good yagami" take is not whether he is a good person, but more like, with the notion of him not seeing the nuances of the situation like ever? which makes him so good and right about everything, that he does everything according to law and etc... while i picture him as "let's do it baby i know the law" kind of person.

there IS a moment where he's a little bit stubborn about his convictions, but that's because *gestures* kuwana (AND I WILL WRITE ABOUT IT MORE... SOMEDAY... SURELY...), but not to the extent some people believe him to be (i remember a meme where "kuwana explains his pov (an explanation so long it's unreadable)" vs "yagami explains his pov (which only says "murder bad"). yeah it pissed me off pretty bad.)

so... yeah. i firmly believe that LJ is not about a good/bad dichotomy, though this type of story is expected with the starting factors we get. in the end, even the protagonist left kind of saddled with unnecessary feelings troubled about his convictions that in theory are simple, yet in practice contradict each other.

#i'm sorry i'm not really can words rn #but i WELCOME you to discussing i LOVE when people see other things and TALK TO ME about this #i've been kinda locked in my head with these thoughts for two years and watching and re-watching the cutscenes #and i do find new things still i can be biased. or i AM biased. certainly. #ahem anyway. i'd love to see your thoughts. or anyone else's while i'm at it! #we are few in numbers but that is more encouraging to be open-minded in my opinion #judge eyes #i should tag these kind of posts somehow... let it be just my writing tag whatevs #putting letters together one word at a time #ALSO when i've tried to find the meme i've stumbled upon a reddit post where in the comments one dude was complaining #about the “sawa argument”. and where he brought up the points that yagami should've used instead this one #and at least two out of seven arguments there was exactly what yagami is trying to say bringing up sawa. EXACTLY THE SAME THOUGHT #you cannot make this shit up. i've laughed so hard i have literal tears in my eyes

[awellboiledicicle]

I like the idea of Fido and Astarion being besties while Gale thinks something is going on over there entirely bc because it would only survive act 1 in that state

Largely because Fido is sitting with Astarion while he drinks from their arm like "how do you tell someone you'd fuck them if they wouldn't explode" and he just. smacks their shoulder bc he's trying to eat not laugh. Has to deal with Fido making very obvious puppy eyes at Gale whenever he cooks something and is proud of it. Has been tasked with sleight of hand obtaining herbs and spices specifically so Gale will have things to season with and be happy. Which Astarion does with little complaint because it smells better than flavorless gruel to be around.

Gale meanwhile is down bad for Fido, but is 90% sure his orb is going to kill mmm everyone so he's being reserved. It's not helped when he's teaching them things and they're telling him about Earth things. After the weave scene he's just emotionally pining because they obviously can't DO anything without risk and then they're talking to Astarion and letting him feed on them and-- its a thing.

When Elminster shows up hes thrilled because Earth Knowings and his old friend might be able to explain some things and-- oh. oh that's. that's something.

Fido absolutely is against killing yourself for forgiveness. They don't even want Elminster there for cheese time to explain earth stuff. They don't want to know anymore. He can gtfo their camp. Go, leave, scamper. Gale manages to talk them into letting him stay to speak about the portal and pact thing, while he himself goes to have a think in his tent. The convo is exceptionally chilly, but informative. Largely that they could, in theory, leave right then. Elminster goes to fucking yellowstone as a vacation on the reg, so he could totally pop them home. But, you know, tadpole. The pact is trickier, because they literally don't know the terms. If the pact and coming over were connected, then leaving could have dire consequences.

That said once Elminster is gone and they have a chance to talk, Fido is just. "No, you're not blowing yourself up. You're going to live. You're going to live so you can introduce me to your weird flying cat and show me your weird magic tower and let me read your poetry." "She's not weird." "I won't know until i meet her, will i? Now, there are many ways to destroy things aside killing yourself. We could make a bomb not made of you and go from there. Or, or, whatever we find at moonrise! Maybe if we just kill the leadership it falls apart--" "It's alright." "No, no it's not! You won't die, i won't let you. I decided." "I think i'm allowed to decide this for myself." "But you didn't! You didn't get into the heat of battle and see a tragic but necessary option to end the world devouring whateverthefuck! Your shitheel ex with a literal god complex decided to play fuckfuck with your life once again!" "Don't speak about Mys--" "I'll say whatever i damn well please about Mystra!" "She is a goddess--" "And a shit one at that! If she wanted to interfere so bad, she could give you a boon! A magic fuck'em'up staff or something! But no, her solution to the problem is 'let me blow up my mortal plaything'!" "She does not," his eyes were hard now, almost angry. "Think of me as a plaything. The gods cannot interfere directly and i've already got the orb. She gifted me control--" "She gifted you a way to kill yourself." "For the greater good." "Fuck the greater good! And don't give me that look, i can be selfish too! I don't want you to die, so you're not going to. I care too damn much about you to let you blow yourself to smitherines! We'll find another way, even if it means i have to personally fight through every mindflayer and cultist with my bare fucking hands. And you will see that you don't deserve to die, or so help me god i will tear the very heavens asunder to wring Mystra's neck myself!" "You can't say things like--" "Watch me! If they care so damn much about what's said of them, they can strike me down! But they won't because they can't interfere-- but apparently telling one of the greatest men in the world to kill himself doesn't count! Fuck that! Fuck it!" They strode forward and grabbed the front of his robe, balling it in their fists as they glared into his eyes and nearly snarled. "You can worry about Mystra, i'll worry about keeping you and everyone else alive. You will survive this, you will live, and you will thrive--whether i have to drag you kicking and screaming through to the other side. Do you understand me?" A beat of silence while they searched each others faces for something the other couldn't quite determine. Finally, Gale's posture crumpled and they let go of his robe. He rubbed at his face briskly before regarding them with a touch of bewilderment in the face of their fury. "I understand." They nodded, until he held up a finger. "But, it remains an option-- if we must take it." The whole camp could see their jaw working as they grit their teeth. "Fine, as the last nuclear option. But only then." "Only then."

#Fido the Bard

[widowswineapologist]

Hello again and I hope your 2022 is happy and healthy!❤️ I am in self-shipping hell (Tank and Edward are playing tug of war and I’m stuck in the middle of it help) Could you please write Ultimis Tank and Primis Richtofen mushy headcanons of their s/o cheering them up on a bad day?

AAAA SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY I DELETED TUMBLR FOR A LIL WHILE BC I HAD NO SPACE ON MY PHONE-- I HOPE THESE R OKAY!!

warnings: uhhh depression nd slight suggestiveness. Also i did not proofread bc fuck that

Ultimis Dempsey:

- Okay honestly I think he's such a bitch whenever he's having a bad day. His sarcasm and overall assholery is amped up to 10. Probably gets into a lot of arguments with the crew too.

- Luckily for everyone else, you're Dempsey's pride and joy whether he's angry or not and he literally cannot help but smile at you whenever you try to cheer him up.

- He'll try to keep that gruff, tough dude persona when you start cracking jokes or being extremely sweet to him but the facade will just break after a few minutes.

- Tank totally does that thing where he cracks a smile and gets mad about it so he looks away from you.

- Literally say some stupid shit and he'll lose his fucking mind and then his mood is back to normal. You could just do some absolutely god awful impression of somebody and he'll straight up bust out laughing, it'll be cute. Do a horrible impression of one of your teammates and he'll join in. Needless to say, you both will throw SO MUCH SHADE.

- I think he would appreciate being distracted rather than directly comforted when he's having a bad day, yknow? But that isn't to say he won't appreciate a good hug or two. Just...not too many, okay? He's got a reputation to uphold.

- I personally think he's a little awkward with comforting people but he will definitely try to return the favor, to show his appreciation because we all know for a fact this motherfucker will be caught DEAD before he says "thank you for cheering me up" out loud.

- Also also,, there's another way to cheer him up if you're up for it 😳

Primis Richtofen:

- okay but when is he not having a bad day fr fr

- I imagine he's a lot more somber than Tank, but that isn't to say he ISN'T snappy. You know how bo4 Primis Richtofen is just a dick to everyone? He's prolly like that (cant blame him tho. imagine finding out everything u've been working so hard for is worthless nd ur crew wont care abt u even if u sacrifice urself to save their musty asses)

- He canonically has meltdowns (would they be called panic attacks? I've never had one b4 so I wouldn't know--) so I imagine he'd probably try to hide how he's feeling from you for the longest time bc he has to keep up that facade of he knows everything and has to do everything.

- You'd probably find out when looking for him around the grounds and you find him huddled in a corner sobbing and hyperventilating.

- Surprisingly, he'll let you hug him then. But get ready to be nearly crushed bc he's clinging to you and wont let go until he has no tears left to cry.

- Cheering him up is a difficult task bc he'll never truly feel better, but indulging him in his scientific ramblings, joking around with him, or offering to lighten his workload will make him feel better.

- But I think he'd catch onto what you're doing real quick, especially if you start asking abt wonder weapons to him so he can ramble his little heart out.

- I swear if he didn't love you before then, he would fall head over heels now. You're...going out of your way to cheer him up? When you have your own issues to deal with? Brb he's planning a impromptu wedding rn

- He won't ever forget it, and though he may be a little awkward himself, he'll definitely try to be there whenever you're having a bad day too <3

#cod zombies #tank dempsey #edward richtofen #richtofen x reader #dempsey x reader #tank dempsey x reader #edward richtofen x reader #*vomits words onto a text document and calls it writing <3*

[xbadgerbearx]

i guess they are pretty funky

word count: 1.5k

Can’t Sleep: [2] … [4]

Your team prepared themselves as you started your journey to your new destination. You and Abner were talking about random things as you walked.

"You really like the dots?" Abner timidly asked.

"Are you kidding? Of course! You're so colorful," you said quietly with a smile.

Abner smiled to himself before motioning to your outfit. "I like your uniform too, it suits you. It makes your eyes stand out."

"Thank you! Ya know, I always thought you had a really nice nose- whoa, Abner, are you doing alright?" You cut yourself as you faced Abner for the first time during this walking session. He had those glowing dots on his face again.

"Oh! Those?" He was nervously covering his face. "Don't worry about-" splat. Abner tripped over a rogue tree root and fell face first into the mud. As you went to help pick him up, Flag turned around.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Everyone turned around to look at you two, well, minus Cleo, but she was sitting on a fallen tree almost asleep.

"We're tired, Colonel. We need a rest," she whined.

"Goddamn hobbyists," muttered Chris.

Soria turned to Flag, "We cannot stop. We need to hurry if you're going to help my people."

"Hey," DuBois intervened. "We're not here to help your people. But she's right, we gotta keep moving."

"I carry friend?"

"It's okay, Nanaue," Cleo said before turning to Abner. "It's happening to his face again."

"It's nothing, I tripped," he brushed off.

"Hey," Peacemaker said as he shoved Abner back. "Norman Bates, if that shit's contagious, we need to know."

"It's not," Abner tried moving forward before he was pushed again.

"What is it?"

"What's your deal, Chris? Stop pushing people around before I turn into something you're really not gonna like. And what's up with the obscure references?" You were getting fed up with Chris' bullshit.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"I don't know, how about your dead father? The one that killed himself in front of you when you were a kid?"

"How do you-"

"You'd be surprised how much your mom loved recording all your childhood achievements. Your fifth birthday—ring a bell?" Peacemaker had an unreadable expression on his face as you got in his face and lowered your voice. "You wouldn't believe how much information you can get on your hands if you're able to disguise yourself as a high ranking employee in Belle Reve."

Before any of you could make the situation worse, Abner cleared the tension with a sigh.

"It's a... it's an interdimensional virus."

"Fuck is that?" Peacemaker asked after seemingly forgetting what just happened. You think he was trying to not think about it.

"My mother was a scientist at S.T.A.R Labs, and she was obsessed with turning me and my brother and sisters into superheroes."

"Oh, Abner," you softly said as you placed a hand on his arm. Peacemaker looked between the two of you with a hard expression.

"She infected me. Now, if I don't expel the dots twice a day..."

DuBois asked, "Then what?"

Abner made a face that was hard to read as he said, "They'll eat me alive." He then chuckled dryly as if he himself couldn't believe it.

"What happened to your brother and sisters?" Flag questioned.

"Some lived. Some... died."

Cleo, now standing, asked, "And your mom, where is she now?"

Abner looked to you before turning to his team.

"Almost everywhere."

Everyone just looked at Krill for a few moments.

"Okay," Flag turned around. "Let's move out."

"Come on, we must hurry, or we'll be late to meet my contact," Soria ushered.

Sooner or later, well, later, you made your way to this blockade where a driver in a large van was being investigated. During your trip Abner had to expel the dots, and although he was embarrassed about the situation, you and Cleo tried keeping his mind off it. The soldiers surrounded the van after a minute and started banging on the door. That was your cue.

Peacemaker started taking people out with a silenced pistol, Bloodsport shot with his arm crossbow, and King Shark ate a guy. The rest of the team moved from their hiding spots once the soldiers were dealt with. Success.

Bloodsport banged on the van's window before asking, "Are you Milton?"

The driver choked out a tearful "Si."

After Soria directed him to a nearby pull off spot, you started looking at the contents in the boxes that were pulled out.

"Milton will drive you through town and to La Gatita Amable. There are clothes in the boxes for all of you so you can blend in." Cleo started putting on a random pair of sunglasses as you pulled out a fedora. Soria continued, "That said, the walking tiburon is gonna have to stay out of sight."

"I wear disguise," Nanaue said.

"Ohhh," Cleo drawled. "You're going to wear a disguise?"

"Si."

"Hey, he's learnin' Spanish," Peacemaker said offhandedly.

"And what kind of disguise?"

"Fake mustache," he said smugly.

"Yeah," DuBois interrupted as he moved more boxes. "Fake mustache isn't gonna cut it, mate."

"Aww come on," you cooed. "What if he wears a hat?" The fedora you picked up earlier was now sitting on the King of the Ocean's head.

"You still look exactly like yourself."

"That's the worst fake mustache I've ever seen," Chris added.

"And if you had fooled us, we'd have to kill you, shark-shaped bloke with a mustache creepin' up on us like that."

"FUCK!" Nanaue yelled as he stomped off. You snickered before turning to Abner with some clothes in your hand.

"What do you think?"

"Hmm? Oh, those look nice, although I saw something in another box that I thought you might like. Let me go get it."

As he walked away towards another box, you dropped the clothes you were holding as your face softened. Someone saw something and thought of you? That hasn't happened for a very long time. You started sifting thoughtfully through a nearby box when he came back.

"Here," he showed you the clothes. "I hope you like it." It was sweet how anxious he was getting over this. He must not socialize often.

Taking the clothes from him, you observed the material. It was... actually really good. It was something you would've loved to wear if you weren't forced to wear that stupid prison outfit, and it looked like it'd fit.

"Abner, this is great! It's a lot better than what I was originally going with," you laughed. "Oh! Here, I saw these pants and thought it would match the shirt you picked up."

"Thank you," he said shyly.

"I'm gonna change over there. Stand watch, please?"

How could he say no to you? "Of course," he said while respectfully turning around. As he waited, Peacemaker appeared.

"(L/n) around?"

"Huh?" Abner said, startled from Chris's sudden presence. "Uh, yeah, they went over there to change into their disguise. I'm looking out for them."

"Oh, you're looking out for them? Well look out for this, Patrick Bateman," Peacemaker wasn't looking so peaceful as he leaned in towards Abner. Dropping his voice, he continued. "I don't know what you think is going on between you two, but leave it, you understand me? Why would The Mimic want to go for someone as lame as you? You throw polka dots at people?" Peacemaker scoffed before finishing, "Quit getting in my way, or else."

Stay away from you? There was no way he could do that. You were seemingly the only person who liked him, and now he would have to end that? Fuck that.

Abner, admittedly with a little less confidence than what he hoped for, challenged him. "Or else what?"

Gosh, three words and his heart was already pumping.

"Excuse me?" Chris raised a brow.

Luckily before anything could be done, you emerged oblivious from the jungle while dawning your new attire. Your uniform was neatly folded and tucked under your arm. Both men looked at you and... wow. Abner was speechless. Literally. For the second time within you knowing him, you made his breath hitch.

"You look stunning," Peacemaker quickly said before Abner had a chance. That wouldn't really matter since your response was quite the cockblocker.

"Thanks! Abner picked it out for me," you smiled. You even gave a twirl to show off the outfit to your teammates. Abner just looked at you with such affection in his eyes.

"Anyways, your turn," you ordered as you took Krill's watching place so he could change. Peacemaker tried making some move on you, but you were clueless. Instead, you went into Mission Mode™ and discussed some tactics and strategies you could implement. Sighing, Chris humored you and joined your planning. Not too long later, Abner walked out with his disguise on.

"I'm not sure about this," he said while standing awkwardly.

"You look like an idio-"

"You look great!" you voiced over Peacemaker. "I love those pants on you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," you laughed. "They're funky."

"I-" Krill let out a laugh of his own. "Yeah, I guess they are pretty funky."

"Alright, well, we've gotta get back to the van," you announced while walking away. Abner blindly followed you with a dumb little smile on his face while leaving Chris just standing there in disbelief.

#the suicide squad (2021) #suicidesquad #dcu fanfic #polka dot man #bloodsport #peacemaker #ratcatcher ii #ratcatcher 2 #harley quinn #rick flag #abner krill #abner krill x reader #polka dot man x reader #cleo cazo #robert dubois #christopher smith #starro #reader #reader insert #Can’t Sleep

[auroron]

Midnight, the Stars and You

I did it whaaaaaat?! This took me a while, specially since I've been on an artist block for weeks. And shit's been crazy I literally moved from South America to the US and my mom got married and suddenly I don't have to go to school online and I have 22 assignments I have due for next week but anyways I hope you enjoy this drabble I love you all

<3

Two weeks had passed since the war and things felt like they were somehow going back to normal. As if there was a normal, to begin with. Especially with the Weasley’s grief and Hermione’s parents being dispersed somewhere in a country she knew little about.

So she took it upon herself to find her parents, and she was ready to do it alone. She knew what she wanted, and she knew that even though it could take everything she had to find them, she was capable of doing so.

But it was hard. Especially because she knew she had to do it alone. She couldn't ask for Ron’s help, not when he had his mind somewhere else most of the time. Somewhere sad and dark, a place she had once known too well.

So she somehow understood. His and his family’s pain. Losing Fred had been a strike to everyone, especially George and Ron.

But even though things were complicated, she had still, maybe selfishly, enjoyed these two past weeks for the most part. All because of Ron.

They had talked for the first time since the end of the war the night after Fred’s funeral. She wasn't expecting anything, she had seen how he looked, how miserable he felt. And even having held his cold hands and whipping off his tears, she was expecting distance.

But he hadn't been distant at all. Boys used to confuse her so much, especially Ron. But now everything she knew when looking at him, was the truth. Who he was on the inside, beyond layers of repressed emotions she and probably most of the people had believed were the true Ron.

That night they kissed again. It was sweet and tender, and his lips had felt so soft, and his skin was shining from moonlight, and he had been perfect. Even thinking about it made her stomach fill with butterflies and her heart with some feelings she was yet to discover.

That night, she was so sure he was it for her. The moment she realized maybe he wasn't just a friend three years prior was the moment she knew she was done for. It was her perdition, and also her salvation. Because he had been, since forever, her forever.

That night, she knew she had to protect him. She knew he was at the edge of being truly broken, that his mind wasn't in the right place. His heart was though, he had made sure to tell her that.

“I like you, Hermione” he had broken the silence that filled the room since she had joined him, right after everyone "went to sleep" even if they knew no one was going to be capable of that.

“I really, really like you” he looked right into her eyes, seeking for some sort of approval that his feelings were returned.

She was so lost that no words escaped her lips. That made him step back, looking down like she knew he did when he wasn't sure of things.

“I’m sorry Hermione, didn’t mean to-”

He was stopped. She held his had, interwining them, connecting them, making him look at her the way she loved to be seen.

No words flung around. And no words were needed. She kissed him, softly but surely, then passionately until their breaths were taken away.

“I like you too” she lied.

She knew deep down she didn’t just like him. It was deeper, stronger. But she also knew deep down that right now, what she had said was enough.

She wasn’t sure of many things in life. Boys certainly weren't one of them. But she knew for certain that Ron needed calm. And she was going to leave him just because it was the right thing to do.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, she immediately packed all the necessary things for her travel and was sure to go. Now at the Burrow's front door, she said goodbye to Arthur, whom she had trusted to tell about her search, and who had supported her and sworn to not tell a living soul.

But then something stopped her. Someone.

"What's this?" said a loid but sleepy voice that came from the stairs, and soon she saw a now awoken Ron in his Chudley Cannons orange shirt.

“What's what?” Hermione responded, her eyes avoiding his.

“You’re leaving? Without me?” he sounded a bit sad.

“Ron I have to find my parents, I need to know they are okay, that they aren’t, you know.”

“They aren't, Hermione.”

“But they could be! I don't want to lose them.”

“I know you don't, but you cannot go alone. They are still out there. Who knows what could happen.”

“I can manage myself” They were now very close, moonlighting filling the room, stars shinning behind them decorating the sky, just like his freckles did with him.

“Trust me, I know that. Very well indeed. But I don’t want you to do this alone. I mean, you don't have to do this alone.”

“I” she hesitated. “I can’t ask such a thing from you, I can’t expect you to leave your family. Not for me.”

“He wouldn't,” said Arthur, whom Hermione had forgotten was there, watching, but now from a safe distance.

They both turned around at the same time, and Arthur flinched for a second. “You don't have to worry about us. We'll be fine. Your mom will be fine. Besides, you are going to find your parents, we are certain of that." he breathed, now looking directly at Hermione. "He won't leave you alone if you don't let him go with you, I know this one pretty well, trust me.”

She turned around to see Ron blushing, cheeks and ears as red as they could get. He whispered something to his dad she couldn't quite understand.

Then he turned to her sweetly, puppy 'not at all convincing' eyes looking directly at her.

“Uh fine!”

Ron smiled, mostly to himself.

“You scared me, you know” he came closer to her the instant Arthur disappeared into the kitchen.

“And why’s that”

“Well, you wrote me a letter as if you weren't going to see me ever again. I mean I always thought you were eventually going to get tired of me, but this soon? Evil.”

“Oh shush it, will you?” She couldn't help a light giggle escape her, and seconds later they were both laughing, still shyly as if they were 11 years old again.

“You really must be crazy about me, are you? said Ron while they were going up the stairs, the hallway quiet as it had never been before this early in the night.

“What makes you think so highly of yourself, mister Weasley?”

“Well you just laughed at a half-joke that wasn't even that funny.”

They walked into the highest room in the Burrow, Hermione watching as Ron packed his most necessary things (basically his Cannons shirts, toothpaste, shampoo, and underwear), and left as soon as possible to get to their apparition point as quickly as possible.

When they got there, Hermione saw an opportunity and took his hand on hers, tight and firm. She swore she saw his ears turn scarlet red, just like hers.

She summoned all the courage there was left in her, and stood on her tiptoes, leaning in and whispering in his ear before apparating in what she considered a "seductive" tone. “You are right you know, I am indeed crazy about you.”

#romione #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #fanfic #romione fanfic #romione fanfiction #ronmione #ron and hermione #ron x hermione #harry potter fanfic #romione fandom #harry potter series #hope you guys like it <3

[wingsofhcpe]

SNOWPIERCER S3 EPISODE 4: GOD SAVE THIS FUCKING TRAIN

Mel haunting Alex is tearing me apart but also it would lowkey be real cool if she was actually hunting her train, her engine. Y'know, poetic. And since we've started with the supernatural shit anyway (don't think I've forgotten about Layton's visions), why not? May as well go big or go home.

MAMA GRANDE?? 😭😭😭

The last Aussies too... I'm in so much pain, why does this season keep killing characters off screen. I get it was the flu and everything but still.

Ngl for a moment I thought the cars blocking the track would be the ones Layton got rid of during S1. That would have been cool too.

Pike is PISSED and also not taking Layton's bullshit and you know what? Good for him.

Also Pike I love you but how did Ruth fall in love with you when you literally walk around in your PJ's. Gremlin man.

Oh Roche ..please get yourself together, your daughter needs you!

(although I did very much enjoy it when he stabbed Wilford in the heart. Bastard absolutely deserved it).

RUTH AND PIKE DATE TIME. PIKE MAKING HER LAUGH. I'M CRYING.

Ruth with her hair down like that is gorgeous pls queen do that more often and also marry me.

Also idk why but she reminded me of Zelda from Breath of the Wild in that episode. Does that make Pike Link?

Me whispering "now kith" in That scene and my mum shushihg me. We're both SO invested in this ship.

Pike telling Ruth she should lead 😭 what a simp, I love him.

Also uh, I know we were all joking last week that they were going to fuck but um. Okay. So that happened. Good for them, good for them.

RUTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM I KNOW YOU'RE A WORKAHOLIC BUT LIKE. DON'T BE DAFT HE LOVES YOU.

"teal is not your colour" Pike how DARE you. I will have to hit a hard pass on that. (....but I do see the symbolism that she shouldn't just be on hospitality and should take a step up and actually lead. Clever one).

Oh Alex...OH ALEX.... The little flashbacks with her friend ruined me, they both deserved so much better.

Speaking of, I LITERALLY OWN THAT SAME BUNNY PLUSHIE. I'm not shitting you I have this very bunny and I'm gonna post a picture asap because holy shit, of all the things to relate to it had to be the plushie???

I love how the show decided to explore Alex's dynamic with Wilford, how she still loves him even though he's an abusive piece of shit. As someone with an abusive father, who cannot bear to think of anything happening to him even though I hate him, this scene really hit home and I found it exceptionally written.

This is the first time I'm actually 100% on Zarah's side and Layton can suck my fucking dick, also poor Madame Headwood, grabbing her dead husband's shoes for comfort the moment Layton lunged at her 😭

I want a redemption arc for Jupiter and I'm not even joking at this point.

On that note I want to hug Javi and protect him forever it's what he deserves.

Till really being everyone's babysitter and therapist in that episode huh.

Till and Asha are actually a great ship, I'm rooting.

Also good idea yall, let the severely traumatised, panic attack-prone person get drunk and roam around in a rave party! No way this will backfire on all of you.

LJ straightening her hair.....mwah.

But also that means she's the girl trying to stab Os from the trailer... here's to hoping it's just knifeplay.

I think that's all but at this point you guys know me, you know I'm gonna follow up with like 50 Ruth/RuthPike posts so. Ahem. Love you all. And I'm sorry for what I will become for the next 24 hrs before I sink back into attack on titan hell and start screaming about my beautiful wife Hange Zoe.

#snowpiercer s3 #snowpiercer season 3 #snowpiercer spoilers #snowpiercer #andre layton #melanie cavill #joseph wilford #ruth wardell #bess till

[waking-dreams-of-harmony]

The Last Dragon

Below the read more I've posted 7 very small sections of a fic that is based on this beautiful and tragic fanvid. I got literal chills watching it. If you wanna sob over our queen and her son wanting to avenge his mother, give it a watch.

I don't think I'll ever go any further, as my writing had an unfortunate run in with a brick wall, which then toppled over it and crushed any urge to write the next bit.

It's not too terrible--though it could actually be total shit, I'm not known for my writing 😂--and it was just gonna gather dust on my laptop, so figured I might as well post it. This was one of my ways of dealing with that fucked up last season within the framework of the show. I dont believe this is Dany's end, and I loathe with every fiber of my being what happened to her and her found family. And after seeing that video, the idea of Drogon doing everything he could to avenge the mother he loved more than anything appealed to that anger inside me. So I'll understand if this isnt for everyone ❤

Chapter 1

Mother.

He flies, great black wings carrying them away.

Mother.

Sharp, massive claws curl in gently. Protectively.

Mother is gone.

The cold creeps, burning against his scales the way fire never has.

Mother don’t leave.

A whisper on the wind calls to him.

Mother it hurts.

East, it sighs. It smells of smoke, and fire. Hope.

He follows, wings beating faster.

They took you.

The rage flares, searing away the cold.

They killed you.

The heat of it bursts within him, scaled skin shaking with the strength of it.

Fire and blood.

Jaws stretch wide, and the air burns red with grief.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 2

The sky bleeds red from the dying sun when Drogon reaches Volantis. The whisper that drew him there stops as he lands on an open balcony.

A woman stands before him, black hair and red robes flying up in the gust of wind from his wings. His claw gently opens, Mother’s cold body slowly sliding onto the hard stone.

Crimson, mournful eyes watch the red woman kneel by Mother, pale fingers hovering over her, not touching, for a long moment.

“I cannot bring her back, Drogon,” she murmurs, regretful.

He throws his head back, bellows fury and sadness into the sky. No, Mother, come back. I am alone.

A faint brush at the back of his mind--where Mother used to be, his brothers, the thoughts they shared together--grasps his attention. Makes him look back down at the red woman.

“I cannot give you back Daenerys Targaryen, but I can give you something else.”

His nostrils flair, and his head moves closer.

“I can give you the revenge you desire. As it stands, you may be able to raze the whole of the Seven Kingdoms, turn it all to ash, but that would not be what your mother wanted.”

Drogon growls, lips pulled up in a snarl. Sheep. All are sheep. Betrayed Mother. Killed Mother. No mercy.

She nods her head. Comprehends what he is unable to say out loud.

“Yes, they all betrayed Daenerys, took from her and killed her when her visions grew too great for their small minds. They could not grasp that the Mother of Dragons was above all a breaker of chains. She would have freed us all.”

She pauses, then continues, her voice hard. “They need to be punished. And they will be. But Daenerys’ dreams must be realized. Dragon’s Bay must remain free. The Dothraki cannot return to what they were, raping and pillaging. And the petty lords of Westeros must be laid low. Those who destroyed Daenerys must see their reigns come to an end not only by dragon fire, but by the unification of the people they have ground into the dust, unified against them.”

“A dragon has the power to do great things, but to lead men, to lead armies, that is the one thing you cannot do, Drogon. Not as you are. You must be more. And by the Lord of Light’s grace, you can become exactly what the people need.”

Drogon rumbles in frustration, steam billowing from between his sharp, clenched teeth. He doesn’t understand.

“Human, Drogon. You must become human.”

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 3

They take Mother, to clean her, he is told. Remove the dagger, her clothes. Wash the blood away.

The red woman directs him to fly from the balcony, down into an open courtyard below. A large fire pit rages with a towering flame. It warms him, feels like Mother’s hand caressing his scales.

Dragons cannot cry. A mournful moan makes his great neck tremble. Human. Perhaps he can cry when he is human.

People in red robes enter the courtyard, one after another, until they circle around Drogon. His tail twitches. Their closeness agitates him.

The red woman appears, crossing the circle to stand in front of the fire. Hatred fills him when he sees what is in her hands. The dagger stained with Mother’s blood. Coward. The coward’s dagger.

“I am sorry Drogon. It is a necessary piece of the ritual. Soon,” she soothes, “you will have all you need to begin your campaign against the traitors.”

Another voice brushes against that same place in his mind. That lonely place where Mother, Rhaegal, and Viserion once lived. Soon, it too promises.

The red woman turns her head, scans the other acolytes before catching Drogon’s eyes.

“Let us begin.”

Voices hum together in chant, and the sky is filled with an agonized roar.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 4

Drogon.

He groans.

Drogon, my love.

Everything hurts.

You cannot sleep forever, my beautiful boy.

He moves his head slightly. Cringes at the sharp pain.

Wake up, Drogon.

Mother? Why does everything hurt so much?

It’s time.

The voice begins to fade. He reaches out a hand, slowly, to make it stay, and freezes. He has a hand. A human hand.

Fingers curl into his palm, and the nails scratch against his skin, bite into it. His legs scrape against the stone as he slowly stretches out one, then the other.

He can still feel the fire to the side of him; it feels heavier, pressing on his skin but it does not hurt his flesh.

What burns more painfully is the missing weight of his wings. No flight for him now.

Cold fingers brush his shoulder, curve sharply to hold him when he recoils.

“Drogon?”

He doesn’t like to be held, or touched, no one but Mother, and his brothers, but they are gone. Gone, gone, gone…

“Drogon! It is only me, Kinvara!” The voice finally penetrates, and he stops pulling away.

Allowing for her help, he rolls carefully onto his back. Sharp pebbles dig into his skin. No scales to protect him anymore.

He feels her fingers move to his face, tracing the human features. “Open your eyes Drogon. See what the Lord of Light has gifted to you.”

Gift? No gift. Just more pain. Weakness. But he opens his eyes. The fire from the pit is soothing, warm. Warmer than...before. Would it burn him? His hand flinches towards it but he’s not close enough to touch.

He turns his eyes toward Kinvara. She is smiling, eyes reflecting the fire’s light.

She waves a hand towards an acolyte. “Bring me a robe. We must cover our dragon prince.”

Red cloth is laid over him, and two other acolytes help Drogon to sit. They hold him up as the other wraps the robe around him more securely.

Drogon grits his teeth, blood rushing angry and hot.

He tries to talk, mouth struggling to form the human words. “W-We—” He growls, tries again. “W-Weak.”

“For now,” she says. “But you will grow stronger, I promise you.”

Drogon struggles to stay awake, but bone deep exhaustion pulls at him, and his frustration wanes as he slips into slumber.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 5

Four moons pass before Drogon is ready to set sail for Meereen. He was like a hatchling again, unsteady, vulnerable, and he hated it. Kinvara and her priests taught him the ways of his new body, how to eat and walk, to read their words.

Coarse fabric to wear instead of steely scales.

But now it is time. Time to search out Grey Worm. Daario. The Unsullied and Dothraki. Train with them and become stronger. Much stronger.

He knew how to fight as a dragon. Armies and castles were nothing against the heat of his fire. He must learn how to wage war as humans do.

Wrapped in a red cloak, hood hanging low over his face, Drogon is ready to begin.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 6

They are waiting for him at the dock after the sun has set, Grey Worm and Mother’s sellsword, two silent figures who do not move, do not speak until Drogon stands before them.

Daario breaks the silence first. “Drogon?”

He pulls back his hood, unnaturally crimson eyes in a human face flashing in the near dark.

Daario sucks in a breath, then huffs out a laugh. “If the red priests had not sent word ahead, I may not have believed it. But by the gods, here you stand.” He reaches out an arm for Drogon to clasp.

He does so, hesitantly, but with a firm grip. Human greetings still puzzle him.

Grey Worm steps closer then kneels, bows his head bowed, fist pressed against his chest. “Ñuha dārilaros. Bisy qringaomatan īlva dāria. Īlon emagon ossēntan se nāpāstre skoriot pōnta iōrtan (My prince. This one failed our Queen. We should have killed the traitors where they stood.).”

Drogon does not know if he is asking for forgiveness or absolution.

Dragons have no real concept of forgiveness. He should be angry the traitors were allowed to live. But Grey Worm is kin, as the little scribe had been. Mother’s old bear too, and the white-haired knight. Everyone who had been under Mother’s protection, had been under her children’s protection as well. And would continue to be.

“Rise, Grey Worm.” His voice is rough and sharp edged, and it seems to startle the two men to hear him speak. “Those that hurt Mother, that used her and took her life will be punished as they deserve. But I need your help. So rise. Let us repay them with fire and blood. For Mother. For Missandei. For them all.”

He holds out a hand, waits.

Grey Worm looks up, eyes bright with unshed tears. His lips tremble, then firm. He takes Drogon’s hand.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Chapter 7

They convene in Mother’s chambers, the map room he would never have been able to fit in before almost cavernous to him now.

Spread out around the table, the three men pull together a plan as they look down at the map.

First, they will weed out the opposition in Essos, solidify their hold in the east. Astapor, Yunkai, they will all come to heel, every slave freed. They would be as clever as Mother had been, keep the number of innocents lost as low as they could. Drogon would prefer to burn through the Good Masters, snap them up and tear them apart, but for Mother, he would be patient, and take the slower path. All the slavers would still die, and their victims would live, and live free.

But for what Drogon had planned, he needed steel in place of claws, armor instead of dragonhide. He needed Grey Worm and Daario to make him as fearsome as a human as he’d been as a dragon. And that would take time.

He ground his blunted teeth together; he hated waiting. Hated it. But let the traitors think they were safe for a while longer. It would be all the sweeter when he ripped that feeling of safety away, just as they ripped Mother away from him. His brothers. His home.

They would feel his pain. And then they would feel nothing at all.

#daenerys targaryen #drogon #mother of dragons #got au #team targaryen #team daenerys #daenerys appreciation #drogon appreciation #my fic #my moodboard

[mtab2260]

Okay, I desperately need to rant about Apocalyptic Natasha Romanoff in this episode of What-If and I've decided to do it here over Reddit. Screw me.

First off...

Holy Fucking Shit! That was bloody AMAZING!

Second, I'm basically going to be explaining my excitement and jumping on the ceiling about each scene she was in, but also pointing out a few things as well.

(This feels like a Guardians of the Galaxy reference. No?)

I absolutely love this line because it says so much. In the main timeline, Steve had no clue about her Russian Vodka Family (as I've seen someone call it). In that timeline, I don't think she told anyone, not even Clint. But in Peggy's timeline, that Natasha clearly had to have opened up to Peggy which just shows how close those two had become during the year following the Battle of New York. Natasha Romanoff isn't an open person with anyone, in any timeline— even with Clint, the person she literally sacrificed herself for so he could live.

That says a million words I can't explain.

I also love the fact that the filter on Apocolypse Ultron World is dreary and it dulled out all the colour, and the sun's missing too. But in this shot, you can see hints of the sun shining through. It represents the hope Natasha saw when she saw them. The colour on Peggy's face and hair pop out. It automatically feels less dark and hopeless.

Also, I don't care what anyone might say this line is what sold Natasha that Peggy was an ally and that something was going on that she didn't yet understand. At the mention of Alexei, she just knew.

However... I must point out there are a few inaccuracies with this line. Actually, this entire line doesn't work.

Not really.

As because, up until ghosty Red-Skull said it on Vormir, Natasha had no clue what her birth father's name was and Peggy getting the serum instead of Steve wouldn't change that. So if she didn't know, there's no way she could tell Peggy.

And for the second part of that line... up until the events of Black Widow (the movie), Natasha was still lying to herself that their family in Ohio wasn't real— that it was just a mission and they were all just roles, nothing more.

But, I will say, maybe in that universe she and Peggy had a talk about it and Peggy make it clear she was a bloody numpty for thinking that and it was real regardless of the reason they were brought together. That could've happened in that universe. It's been made clear that those two traded stories with each other as her Nat knew about Steve, yet, main-timeline Nat didn't know about Peggy until she saw him staring at her photo. So who really knows.

But regardless, I still let out a jump of joy at this line because the What If series is letting the Russian Vodka Family be real!

Not that it wasn't real, but you get what I mean— anyways, onward!

This scene... oh my gawd... bloody-hell it's fucking terrific!

I cannot say how fucking overjoyed I am that when it came down to it, fucking Natasha Romanoff and bloody Clint Barton saved the entire bloody-fucking multiverse!

The (and I quote some random asshole) "Useless Avengers", saved everything ever known while also being the only survivors in an entire universe.

Let that sink in.

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Like...

Holy Shit That's Awesome!

(I need more adjectives)

That's Bloody Insane.

I don't care how tacky they may be, I fricken loved these slow-mo arrow shots. And with the mirroring of Clint's (albeit fucking stupid) sacrifice coming full circle and to a close is outstanding.

Which brings me to my next point, that's kinda also this point too.

This point is part II we'll call it.

I

Am

So

Fucking

Happy

They

Didn't

Forget

About

What

Clint

Meant

To

Nat

And

Also

Just

Plainly

Forget

About

Clint

'Cause that would've sucked. I would've sued Marvel if that happened.

This scene. These two shots.

For someone who hides behind fake smiles and witty remarks, these shots show exactly what she's thinking at that moment and it's amazing. You can literally see the absolute peace on Nat's face that they did it, they ended Ultron, she avenged Clint's death, she avenged everyone's death, it was over. And hey look, Yelena, they didn't even need one of the big ones to do it!

But also look, see what I said about the filter— Natasha's hair actually looks fiery red instead of vibrant brown. Also, SUN!

Moving on...

I don't really have much to say about this line, but I fucking loved it, and serves the dude right.

She Has A Very Valid Point.

The pure amazement and life in Natasha's eyes and face is everything.

She saw everything she ever knew nuked and murdered because a robot spent five seconds on the internet and yet here she was now in a clusterfuck war full of life. Life that was at war with each other. But an alive war nonetheless and that's all she cares about at that moment.

Natasha and Clint being best buds part threeeeeeee........

On come on we all know what was going through Natasha's mind at this moment.

PAYBACK BIATCH!

Seriously I just love this short little bit. And the fact that Loki took over the world in a week, yet, this Natasha took him out with a kick and a small poke says things.

It's awesome.

As heartwarming as this scene was, I was hoping for more and truthfully it's a load of bullshit.

I don't care whatever the fuck Nick Fury has seen in his days, he did not know about the multiverse and if he wasn't happy as hell to see her on that Helicarrier then he was suspicious as hell as to who was this Natasha Romanoff imposter was. I'm sorry, I refuse to believe otherwise. No one's first thought after they've seen an alive version of someone they buried in the ground is—

"Oh, you must be Natasha just not my Natasha. Yeah, that makes sense."

Yeah, no.

Also... might I again remind you EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?

The first time we've seen Natasha Romanoff cry (almost cry) was Fury's death in The Winter Soldier. That's proof enough for how much Fury meant to her.

So the first person in like over a year (probably) she sees that she recognizes (besides Thor) who she also knew for a fact was dead— her reaction should've been more than a smirk. Especially if it was someone she cried over when they died. The line the two Natasha's share after Peggy's "I've got the shield. You've got the sword." line proves that different universes don't change a person's personality. So her seeing Fury again should've been a helluva lot more emotional for her, hell, for the both of them.

It probably should've gone something more like...

"Natasha...?" A very familiar voice behind her breathed. It wasn't one she's heard for over a year but she recognized it immediately. She froze— which was not a thing she did, ever, but it was only truly hitting her now that not everyone she knew was dead anymore. That the Steve Rogers over there was, in fact, alive. That the Nick Fury behind her was alive. That hundreds, millions, billions of other people were alive.

Natasha turned around slowly like her limbs were stuck in the gallons of maple syrup Cooper put on his pancakes.

"Fury—" She choked, honestly too overwhelmed to say anything else coherent. The tears in her eyes stung as she didn't let them fall.

Nick's one eye narrowed, he was pissed. "Who the hell are you?" He questioned, voice threatening. "I know you ain't Natasha Romanoff 'cause she's dead. So who are you?"

She was sure she just stared at his face probably for a full minute but she didn't really care. It was really nice to see and hear another face and voice.

Nat took a much-needed breath. "I know your Natasha is gone, the giant baby-man cape dude said so. I'm not her. I'm from somewhere else. But I am Natasha Romanoff... and it is really good to see you, Nick..."

Ah, shit the tears fell.

But maybe it was worth it as his eye widened and some form of recognition or some sliver of understanding set in. It was honestly hard to tell through her blurry eyes.

"You're aware none of that makes any sense, right?" He asked, voice much gentler now. Fury looked over her outfit and very dirty/beat-up appearance. "And I take it wherever you're from didn't have showers either? Because I can smell you from here." His nose wrinkled as he smirked.

She knew he was trying not to gag.

Natasha choked out a wet laugh. "Not for like a year, they kinda got all nuked from a psychopathic robot."

She was pretty sure that was the first time she'd ever seen Nick Fury actually shocked.

Okay, yeah so basically something like that.

And the reason I kept saying over a year is because Clint lost an arm and was honestly ready to die. He did die. After a year of being almost the only person on an entire planet and losing Laura and the kids, he hit his breaking point. In the five years of the blip he definitely became close to his breaking point, probably was about to hit it before Nat showed up, and that was with half the universe gone and he was alone without Nat. It could honestly be longer than a year, it probably was much longer, but then I started thinking about food and how much food would actually be safe to eat— or actually there. It was a matter of time really until both starved to death honestly.

And the shower thing, it's honestly impressive anyone could stand near here and not pass out. Like seriously if everyone is dead, I doubt any showers still worked— let alone be standing.

Anyways, I do have a couple problems with this episode despite how much I loved it.

Going back to the "EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?" part I mentioned earlier.

It seems no one outside of Nat actually seemed to acknowledge that everyone was dead. That Natasha, previous to their arrival, was the only living thing in that universe and that was it. You would think even Peggy would show some care or sympathy or some consoling words to her so-called BFF. If not that at least recognize the truly apocalyptic scene around her and look at it with disbelieving eyes. For someone who has so much compassion, she seems to have none in this case. Or at least she didn't outwardly show it. Which is completely fine. But it just bothered me no one seemed to really think about it all.

Another thing:

This isn't really towards the episode per-say but I'm just really fucking pissed about it.

It's great— no sorry— it's absolutely amazing that Apocalyptic Natasha is now in a universe that was thriving with life. It's awesome and she deserves it.

HOWEVER....

Are you fucking serious that out of all the universes that Natasha died in, you put her in a one that ALSO has a STILL DEAD Clint Barton???

SERIOUSLY?!??!?

I've said this what, three, four times now— Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton are more cursed than FitzSimmons. Because at least FitzSimmons always find their way back to each other in the end, Nat and Clint always just find the other fucking dead.

I swear, how the other doesn't have PTSD from heights now is a bloody miracle.

Anywho:

That's my entire rant on this week's episode. If you actually read this all, one, I'm so sorry for wasting your time, two, wow— congrats.

Also, I really need to see someone make a fic about Apocalyptic Nat seeing Laura and the kids for the first time again, and also for Coulson too.

#marvel what if #natasha romanoff #clint barton #peggy carter #captain carter #the black widow #god that took me two and a half hours to write #i should probably do homework now #fuck

[imma-potatoo]

Blond Janus Darkside Headcanons

I noticed how I haven't written down any info on the dark sides (Wrath, Apathy, Depression, Remus and pre-AA Virgil). More will be added.

Masterpost

Taglist:

@mother-snake, @writerstrashbin, @psychedelicships, @cryptidwriterdotcom (ask to be removed or added)

Wrath

Leader of the dark sides

Can induce a blind rage

When the rage is happening the recipient cannot control what they say or do and react simply on their first thought

The rage becomes stronger the more angry the person becomes

Wrath can't bring someone out of the rage. He can induce it but the person has to come out of it themselves

He has almost no control of Apathy because of that due to his lack of emotion

Likes to wear a partial suit. Finds that the coat is restricting and makes more complex movements hard

Still owns the coat. Just never wears it.

Symbol is tattooed on his left wrist

Orange and black color scheme. Like this:

Immediate reaction to almost anything is to yell.

Loves huge parties

If he's going to make a point, he makes it loud and clear. Often in front of other people so they can see what happens if you step out of line

Rules the dark sides more like a dictatorship then a family or of equel footing

Believes that they have to bend Thomas to their will and that the light sides are complete fools who will only destroy Thomas life

Wants Thomas to take what he wants and not to worry about who he leaves behind

If Thomas has to kill a politician to get what he wants? Sure go ahead. As long as he gets what he wants

When angry, Wrath is ruthless

He'll take your deepest fear and taunt you with it until you snap under the strain and comply to his every whim

He refuses to take no for an answer

Because of his hatred for the lights; he takes it out on Janus

He's big on public humiliation

If Janus would step out of line; well, he doesn't need all of those scales does he? He's sure Apathy would love to see the reactions if you rip some off

To aid in the control of the others; Wrath has complete control over the food supply

When the others are listening and followings orders. Good, they get to eat properly

When they don't? Your options are moldy bread or cheese that has been out in the open for about a month.

Him and Apathy eat like kings while the others decide between food poisoning and starvation

Likes to take words of affection and make them have a negative meaning (ex: the word Love.) after beating the hell out of someone, he would make them look directly in his eyes and says that he loves them... And he makes them say it back

He hates it when the others cry

Says that they're doing it for attention and that they should shut the fuck up

Apathy

Second in command

Can nullify peoples emotions. Leaving them feeling like an empty shell. The effects normally break after an hour

If Apathy knows your name he can control you like a puppet

White and black outfit. White shirt with black suspenders and pants.

Doesn't show where he keeps his symbol (its on his right ankle, its more like a tattoo then a patch)

Has a deep obsession with fire

Owns a zippo (a lighter that flips open)

Often feels empty due to his function. The fire makes him feel warm, feel more human (as human as the sides can be anyway)

Doesn't quite understand emotion. He understands the basics of it (cry = sad, laugh = hqppy, yell = angry.) but the more complex reactions confuse the hell out of him. Crying out of happiness is one of the things he will never understand.

Because of his lack of understanding of emotions; Apathy tries to understand through making others feel said emotions

Wants to know how someone would react when you break a precious item? Time to find a couple photos.

Will someone scream when you waterboard them? Hm well, only one way to test that.

Opinions change like a flip of a switch

One day he'll help you make dinner with a plastered on smile. The next he'll knock you out and burn you with his lighter with that same smile

Has only properly laughed twice

The first time was when Thomas accidentally laughed at someones funeral (he couldn't cope that the person was gone and his default reaction was to laugh)

The second was after the three of them (wrath, depression and him) shut off the heating to Janus' room and locked him inside

In order to understand things he doesn't know; he does experiments

He's not allowed to experiment on Wrath and Depression has no fun reactions. So he has his fun with Janus instead

Kinda likes it when blood stains his dress shirt

Because its warm. The warmth that once came from the person now belongs to him and it eases the cold empty feeling only slighty and temporary but its warm

He's indifferent on the lights. They're a little too perky for his tastes

Depression

Third in command

Doesn't really get a lot of say with decisions

Can erase certain memories (he doesn't use it very often)

Wears a medium blue dress shirt, brown leather suspenders with a black bowtie.

Normally keeps his sleeve rolled up

When crying; his eyes leak black

If the tears hit your skin, its a 10% chance that you could collapse and start spewing your insecurities while your eyes leak black

Symbol is on the back of his neck

Doesn't really mind not having the control that Apathy and Wrath have

Less work for him to do anyway

Couldn't care about the other twos blatant abuse of Janus

He sees it as a way to keep Janus in line

If Virgil wanted to play father figure he can go ahead. But that doesn't mean he has to be kind

Respects and looks up to Wrath

Normally just follows the lead of the others

He's the epitome of the duckling following the leader

Wrath has steak and potatoes for dinner? Depression also wants that too

Wrath says that they need to bend Thomas to their will? Well duh! Of course!

Wrath says that Janus has been out of line lately? Well why don't we break his leg again to show him a lesson

Most of the time, the food restrictions have no effect on him bc he listens to Wraths every word

Virgil

Was the second in command before he left

Opposed Wrath on his more extreme tactics

Has the ability to control shadows and others own Anxiety

Hated the dress code that Wrath insists on having. What kind of person wears suspenders and a dress shirt daily anyway?

Still wears the stupid things anyway because Wrath said to and he's not in the mood to get beat

Symbol is tattooed on underneath his shirt. The left side

After adopting Janus he lost his position as Wrath's right hand

Kinda pissed him off when he got demoted. Not bc of the loss of power. But bc he couldn't protect Janus as well

After adopting Janus he became the 4th in power (after Depression)

Remus

Is the epitome of don't give a shit

He has the power to conjure things and cause intrusive thoughts

Half the time he ignores the dress code completely

Typically opting for his normal clothes but does own a uniform as well

(if anyone has a better photo of this outfit pls pls pls DM me. I've looked through hundreds of photos and this is the best dark green dress shirt with suspenders I got)

Symbol is tattooed on the swell of his back

Gets practically no opinion on dealings or decisions with plans

Remus is a indifferent party. One moment he'll help you. The next he'll stab you in the back

He mostly just works with who can give him what he wants the fastest

He actually feels pity for Janus

Not like he'll ever act on that but he still feels a bit bad for the guy

Remus is kinda like that uncle at family get togethers that no-one talks to or cares about but he's always there

Janus

Oh boy, where to start?

Has the lowest rank out of every other side

His power (the ability to make people unable to talk) can only be used on the light side of the mind

He is also unable to heal immediately on the dark side

Meaning that he has to treat his wounds the old fashioned way

Doesn't really like the dress code

Only gets to wear his normal outfit when he's visting the light sides

Blond hair (wow! Really? Not like its the the name of the au!!)

His patch isn't a tattoo

This boi has the biggest fucking sweet tooth you could ever imagine

He is also so fucking short

His shoes have lifts to make him taller

He's cold blooded

When he gets focused, he bleps

This is turning fluffy-

He is literally covered head to toe in scars

Almost no skin was left untouched

Lying is a defense mechanism for him. He's deceit! He can lie his way out of anything!

Heavily disagrees on Wraths views

Thomas should get ahead, of course he should. But that shouldn't come at the price of someones life or the cost of his reputation

Hurting someone to get ahead in the short-term is only going to harm you in the long term

To hide the bruses, he applies thick layers of makeup and illusions if he's on the light side

Hasn't gotten a good sleep in years

He's terrified that someone will break into in bedroom while he's sleeping and finish him off

Or that they'll cut the heating again and he'll slowly freeze to death

Or that they'll drag him out of his room and chain him up somewhere to become nothing but a punching bag

He has agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)

Hasn't had positive touch since Virgil left

He has venom. Its very lethal and only activates when threatened

When angry, his eyes glow yellow and his canine teeth grow sharp and long that they stick out of his mouth slightly like fangs

Was meant to be a light side and function as Validity and Societal Self Preservation. But the dark sides found him first and brought him back with them

Virgil is his father figure

Doesn't really know how to feel after finding out that he's not a dark side

He does feel really really lied to and betrayed

But... Virgil is his dad. Virgil raised him

How could he be upset?

Writes down all of his thoughts and complaints in journals that he keeps in his room

He started writing journals when he was very young, so there is hundreds of them

Honestly doesn't know how to feel about him being a light side.

He's mad at Wrath. He knows that. But he can't do anything because his powers don't work on the dark side

He might as well be powerless.

When on the light side (so when all his powers work) his powers include: silencing others, the ability to repress sides/ make them unable to appear to Thomas and illusions.

His title is technically Validity with the added function of societal self preservation

Still goes by Deceit anyway

----

Has three brands burned onto him via Apathy

Is on his left ankle. Its his snake symbol. About the size of your fist

On his right bicep. The word "monster" in bolded writing. About two fingers in thickness.

Left chest, above his heart. The words "Property of the Dark Sides" in cursive text. The writing sits in a box.

All the brands are extremely painful for Janus if touched. Brand #3 is the brand he hates the most

His scales are more in patches then a perfect 50/50 split down his body

More will be added in the future.

#Blond Janus AU #janus sanders #sanders sides #deceit sanders #unsympathetic dark sides #sympathetic virgil #sympathetic remus #sympathetic deceit #sympathetic janus #remus sanders #Unsympathetic dark side ocs #abused deceit #abused janus #sanders sides headcanon #headcanons #headcanon #my writing #tw blood mention #ts janus #ts deceit #ts virgil #ts remus #ask to tag #swearing tw

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With Maya's Confession

Notes: If I don't write Vellichor chapters on slap happy whims at 3 am then who am i? Back to Jisoo next chapter! Only 4 (?) more chapters left in this series.😱 Also no one said anything so I assume we like the new format.

Rating: T+

Word Cnt: 1.5k

"They said, 'All teenagers scare the livin' shit out of me'. They could care less as long as someone'll bleed."

Lia eyed Maya oddly, she was letting Lia win at Mario Kart and she never let Lia win at Mario Kart. It was a sort of unspoken agreement they had. Maya won Mario Kart games on the Switch and Lia won FIFA games on the Playstation. It was the only way they could justify purchasing both high-end consoles.

If you asked Lia, she'd tell you that her and Maya had been forced into friendship almost like some sort of medieval betrothal. Their parents were best friends (though that was kind of hard to tell with the way Jisoo and Irene talked to each other) and they were the firsts born, so in their minds it was only natural that their offspring be besties too.

And sure, 19 years later it had worked out for the better. They really were best friends. They told each other everything (within reason).

When Lia had lost her virginity to the Cheerleading captain her junior year, she had practically called Maya before it was even actually over.

And when Maya had gotten peer-pressured by Ryland and Jesse to go to her first house party, then proceeded to get drunk like there was no tomorrow, she called Lia to come pick her up in fear that her mother would definitely murder her. Okay, she called Lia to come get Ryland and Jesse too, but it was mainly about her!

So, Lia knew that look on Maya's face. That look that said I have something I desperately need to get off my chest. That look that said listen and don't comment when I'm done. And it was serving to irritate her that Maya was holding out on her for so long.

"Just say it." Lia murmured just as a blue shell upended her go-kart.

Maya pursed her lips. She listened for their parents. Jisoo and Irene were busy in the bathroom of Lia's and Maya's apartment attempting to fix something they definitely did not know how to fix. She heard Irene curse and knew they would be in there for at least 45 more minutes.

"Hey uh, would you be mad if I slept with your sister?" Maya mumbled, she scratched at her chin awkwardly.

"No, but Taylor would probably beat your ass. And I'd just watch because you'd deserve it and it would be funny." Lia audibly giggled as she imagined the sight.

"...Not Ryland."

Lia's go-kart slowly came to a stop on the screen. And suddenly, Maya was winning again as she desperately pressed accelerate as if she would be able to physically drive away from this conversation.

Lia turned her head toward Maya slowly, "Peyton? My baby sister? My kid fucking sister, Peyton Kim? Who is a baby and a child and evil and younger than you? And - and a kid? That Peyton?! My baby sister?!" 

Both of them are losing at Mario Kart now.

"She's only a year younger than me. She turns 18 literally next week! Why are you so mad?" Maya claimed exasperated.

If Lia knew Maya's "We Need to Talk" look, then Maya definitely knew Lia's "Take a Five Second Headstart" look.

Maya stupidly doesn't take her headstart.

She isn't exactly surprised when Lia tackles her to the carpeted floor. She is surprised by her urge to fight back. She had never really been a fighter, but this feels different. This feels like she's fighting for her omega, which is stupid and out of left field and Peyton isn't even her omega, but she just can't help herself when her fist flies in the direction of Lia's temple.

It missed of course. Like she said, she's never been much of a fighter.

"Maya." Her mother's growl is enough to get her to stop squirming underneath Lia. She mewled and cowered a fair bit. She may be an adult but her mother's growl was literally never not going to terrify her.

Jisoo does the same thing to Lia, but she's just so mad and pent up and everything seems to be falling apart around her that she completely disregarded it.

Jisoo had to more or less put her in a headlock and yank her away from Maya to get her to relax.

"What the hell are you two fighting about?" Jisoo asked as she put Lia on the couch.

"Yeah, Maya what are we fighting about?"

"..."

"That's what I thought." Lia shook her head. She shrugged her mother off of her and hurried out of the front door.

Lia drove around for what felt like a good two hours before coming to a stop in front of a semi-familiar house.

She walked to the front door and knocked hesitantly.

Wendy opened the door with a surprised smile, "Oh, hey Lia. What are you doing here?"

What a great question.

"I-I-I don't know?"

Wendy's eyebrows furrow before she steps to the side. Inviting Lia in silently. Lia doesn't know how to express her gratitude without saying it.

Even though she should be, considering how often he does it at games and practice, she isn't expecting for the small ball of pent up boy energy to come flying at her legs in an attempt at a hug.

"Uh, hey kid." Lia patted him on the back awkwardly. Luckily, he doesn't seem to sense anything is off.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Wendy asked. And Lia could only blink in answer. Wendy was so nice and pretty and considerate and gorgeous. And Lia isn't sure what she ever could have done to deserve to bask in this woman's presence.

"Um, a glass of water would be nice." And Lia didn't plan on drinking it, but she didn't want to be rude. Wendy nodded and gestured for her to sit on the couch in the meantime. And Lia did without question.

Immediately, Kyle seemed to be bored with her presence and went back to doing whatever it was kids his age do when their parents aren't looking.

Wendy handed a glass of water to Lia and sat next to her on the couch.

"Do you want to talk?"

Lia counted the number of ice cubes in her glass exactly six times before speaking.

"I think my life is falling apart." Lia said, counting the ice cubes once more.

Wendy raised an eyebrow at the statement, "How so?"

"Oh. Easy! For starters, my parents haven't spoken to each other in a week and a half. My career was ripped away from me. And I think I just lost my best friend. Somehow, I can't help but feel like it's all my fault." Yes, she originally wasn't going to drink any of the water, but now she feels like she needs to down a few gulps after that revelation.

"Well, those first two things I can almost guarantee aren't your fault. Your parents problems are not yours. And by the way you've talked about them before, I think they'll be alright. Eventually. Also, you had no way of knowing you were going to get sick. Now as far as the last one, I'm going to need more information to explain it away."

"She slept with my sister and like any great alpha big sister, I attempted to kill her."

Lia frowned as Wendy started to laugh hysterically.

"Please don't laugh after I call myself a great alpha."

Wendy swiped at a stray tear, "Sorry but that's hilarious. You got mad at your best friend for sleeping with your sister? The sister who you said yourself has had a crush on said friend since she could walk? You're mad about the inevitable?"

"But-but she's my baby sister!"

"She's not your baby sister. She's your younger sister. Who is pretty much an adult and can make decisions for herself."

"But-"

"No. You've known both of them your entire life. You know that if they decide to date that your sister will be fine. And if something goes wrong, which I'm sure it won't. Maya definitely knows now that Peyton has an older sister that is willing to go to jail to protect her. On that note, I'm sure Ryland's mate knows that too."

"So, what you're saying is that one was my fault?"

Wendy rolled her eyes, "That's not the only thing, but sure."

Lia's nose scrunched up.

"What's this really about, Lia?"

"...I just feel like things are moving without me. Like I've got very little control over what's happening to me."

"That's not true. I'm sure you have the best control. Over a bunch of things that are meant to be controlled by you."

"You're just being nice."

"Maybe. But I'm also right. In fact, I'll prove it to you. Kyle has a boy scout meeting soon. You should stay over."

Lia thinks her throat just closed up. Despite, the fact that she cannot breathe, she manages to push out a response without any hesitation.

"Okay."

#jesssica's fanfic #blackpink fanfic #blackpink #jisoo fanfic #jisoo x reader #vellichor

[morkhan]

Will Byers is Gay: The Evidence So Far

With the release of Stranger Things 3, there has been a lot of discussion kicked up about the character of Will Byers and his sexuality (or lack thereof). I've seen a lot of takes about what "it's not my fault you don't like girls" was intended to mean, many of which seem to take it in isolation, so I wanted to make a post putting it into what I think is its proper context; not an isolated incident, but the latest carriage in veritable train of queer themed language and imagery that has followed Will Byers since episode one of season one, and before that. You ready? Alright, let's go.

Season Zero: the Montauk Files

Before Stranger Things became Stranger Things, it was called Montauk. Like many would-be show makers, the Duffer Bros put together a "show bible" describing the premise, setting, tone, and characters of the show they intended to make. Like many shows, a lot of these ideas changed or were lost on their way to the screen, but it's always worth looking into their original concepts. Here is their description of Will Byers in the Montauk show bible:

Obviously, the major whammy there is in the first line "sexual identity issues." But there are some other interesting notes, like his "colorful clothes" that you might want to keep a lookout for on your next rewatch. Now, onto...

Season 1

The thing to pay attention to regarding Will in season 1 is in the language used to refer to him when he is not present (which he isn't for most of the season).

Episode 1: the subject of bullying comes up right away in the conversation between Joyce and Hopper. "The kids, they're mean. They laugh at him, laugh at his clothes, call him names." "What's wrong with his clothes?" "I don't know!" This harkens back to the Montauk show bible, but it's arguable, since it's never made clear what about his clothes draws ire.

She also mentions that he is "sensitive," "not like most," and that his dad said he was "queer" and called him a "fag." Hopper asks "is he?" to which she replies "He's missing is what he is!"

Episode 3: Troy says he's not missing, he's dead. "Probably killed by some other queer."

Episode 4: Troy, again "Will's in fairyland, flying around with all the other little fairies, all happy and gay."

Sensitive, queer, fag, fairy, and gay are all used to describe Will in season 1, but perhaps more notable is the fact that they aren't used to describe anyone else. If the show were truly period accurate, let's be real; the whole party would've been called queers on a pretty regular basis, because "queer" doubled as a generic insult back then. But in season 1, these words are only ever used in relation to Will, with one exception; in episode 6, Steve says to Will's brother, "I used to think you were queer." So it's not even an active accusation in that moment; it's used in the negative.

Hell, Troy walked up to Lucas mockingly proposing to Mike and proclaiming his love for him, and he still didn't call them queers. That language is reserved for Will.

Now granted, most of these are used as insults by characters who don't like Will, but still; as a writer, if you want your audience to remember something, repetition is an excellent way to embed it in their minds. There's a reason for the specificity of language surrounding Will, and a reason that language keeps coming up over and over and over again.

Season 2

Season 2 retires much of the homophobic language used to insult Will, replacing it with "Zombie Boy." The only homophobic language used in season 2 is the word "faggot," used by Billy's father to refer to Billy, who expresses a clear interest in women (and an arguable interest in one particular man, but that's the subject of another post).

Still, there is an arguable bit of queer theming in Will's conversation with Jonathan regarding the benefits of being a "freak" and how normal people never accomplish anything. Jonathan even invokes bisexual icon David Bowie to make Will feel better about his "freakishness."

The clearest piece of queer theming for Will in season 2 comes in episode 8, in this beautiful speech from Joyce to Possessed Will:

"When you turned eight, I gave you that huge box of crayons, do you remember that? It was 120 colors. And all your friends got you Star Wars toys, but all you wanted to do was draw with all your new colors. And you drew this big spaceship, but it wasn't from a movie. It was YOUR spaceship; a RAINBOW Ship, that's what you called it. And you, you must have used every color in the box. I took that with me to Melvald's, and I put it up. I told everyone who came in, 'My son drew this.' And you were so embarrassed, but I was so proud. I was so, so proud."

This is one of the most powerful memories of her son that Joyce has, an image so strong and distinct that she uses it to invoke his true identity against the monster that is slowly subsuming him. She notes very specifically that it's not something he copied, but something that came entirely from Will himself, an image that she felt represented him so perfectly that she took it with her to work and proudly touted it as his to everyone she knew. The Rainbow Ship is Joyce's picture of her son's very heart, and surely I don't need to explain to you how powerful a piece of queer imagery the rainbow is.

Some subtextual stuff; in episode 9, when the girl asks Will to dance, he stammers "I... I don't..." and only goes to dance with her when Mike literally pushes him towards her.

During the final montage, the scene cuts to different characters in time with appropriate lines from the song: "every move you make" cuts to Mike and El (as he is teaching her to dance), "every vow you break" cuts to Nancy dancing with Dustin (as she technically cheated on Steve with Jonathan), "I'll be watching you" cuts to Lucas dancing with Max (as she has playfully called him 'stalker' all season). What line cuts to Will? "Every smile you fake," specifically on the word fake, while Will dances with a girl wearing this expression:

That is not a real smile, that is not a comfortable boy, and that is not an accident; Noah Schnapp is one of the best actors in the entire show, and of the young boys, he is the one the Duffers trust most to do dramatic heavy lifting.

Do you want it to be a little more explicit? Okay, here is that scene in the script:

I mean, that pretty much speaks for itself. It's less explicit in the actual show, but it's still there, you know?

Season 3

And now, the biggest and most explicit thing to date; The Scene. I mean, you could discuss the obvious subtext in the simple fact that Will is the only male main character who has yet to find a girlfriend or express any interest in girls whatsoever, but that pales in comparison to The Scene.

The setup for The Scene is pretty simple; after declaring "a day free of girls" in order to get his friends to run the D&D campaign he's probably spent a significant amount of time creating, his friends have blown him off to continue bemoaning their girl troubles, so Will has decided to leave. Mike, realizing too late that he has genuinely upset his friend, chases after him to try and get him to come back.

A back-and-forth argument ensues, where Will accuses Mike of ruining the party and abandoning his friends in favor of girls, and Mike, in the heat of the moment, responds with "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" After which, everything stops. There is a full second of silence, and a close up on Noah Schnapp's face so you can take in his reaction.

There is a lot to unpack here. Now, acting is up to interpretation to a degree, but to me, that expression conveys two primary emotions; shock, and betrayal. That face says "how could you?" Because here's the thing; regardless of what Mike does or doesn't know about Will's sexuality, Mike knows for a fact that Will has been called a queer all his life by everyone from his school bullies to his own fucking dirtbag father. By invoking even the specter of that, Mike has crossed a fucking line, and he knows it. And we know he knows it, because he immediately backtracks and tries to mitigate the damage. But it's too late. The damage has been done.

I also think there is a tinge of fear in that image. Just a moment of soul raking panic that pretty much every closeted queer person knows intimately. It's very brief. But I think it's there, if you look.

This scene sends Will into an emotional tailspin that culminates in him tearing down the literal last bastion of his childhood in a fit of sorrow and rage. His innocence has been destroyed. He cannot regain what he has lost, and he can never go back to the way things were before. This is the emotional climax of his arc for season three. It's a powerful one-- shame it comes in the third of eight episodes, but that's neither here nor there.

And that's pretty much it for now. Any one of these things taken in isolation could be very easily dismissed, but here's the thing; they aren't isolated incidents. They are part of a clear and consistent pattern, one that goes all the way back to the show's inception, before even one minute of footage was filmed. And this pattern points to one very obvious conclusion; the Duffer Brothers have always intended, and continue to intend, for Will Byers to be gay.

Now, for the obvious question; why haven't they made it explicit yet?

The answer is as unfortunate as it is obvious; I don't know.

It's entirely possible that there is some external force that the Duffers have to answer to that is preventing them from actively pursuing this particular storyline. This happens all the time in Hollywood, and it could be anything from Netflix to Noah Schnapp's parents to Noah Schnapp himself just being uncomfortable with it. Many are the creators who dream Big Gay Dreams only to run into the horrors of our Forced Hetero Reality. If the Duffers ultimately submit to these pressures, I hope you won't be too hard on them. This shit is harder than you think to get to the screen sometimes.

But it's also possible that they just aren't ready for it yet. That they have been saving this for a future storyline, that they just want their characters (and the actors) to get a little older before they pursue this particular storyline explicitly, but they've been busily laying groundwork for it so that anyone paying attention will know it's coming.

I don't know. Only time will tell for sure.

For now, I can tell you this; I see a great deal of evidence that the Duffers still intend for Will to be gay, and precisely zero that they have changed their minds.

I hope that holds true.

#stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #stranger things spoilers

[alittlealien007]

This is a, uhh, rant from a person who cannot sleep because not everyone is blessed with the ability to sleep when needed.

I can't sleep. It's not like I can sleep normally. Obviously, I can't. That's the kind of fun (read: insomniac and depressed and medicated) life I live. Anyway, I'm having a serious post series withdrawal after watching Touch Your Heart which is adding to my I-can't-sleep thoughts. While thinking about Lee Dong Wook's character, Kwon Jung Rok, and how much I'm probably in love with him because I really fall hard for fictional characters (hello, Gabriel from LJ Smith's Dark Visions; I love him so freaking much, I told the books' story, point-by-point, from memory to my cousins after reading them once; I have an okay to good memory, but did I burn every scene of those books in my memories, and I haven't forgotten Gabriel since - a character from my own unfinished novel series is actually roughly based on him. Heh.), I was reminded of my other fictional Kdrama crush that made me crush hard on the actor as well. (This is related-ish because I think I'm having a crush on LDW even though I never really had a crush on him before. I know he's handsome and all, and I did ship him a lot with Park Bom when Roommate was airing, but that was pretty much it.)

Drum roll please - it's Kim Nam Gil's Bidam from The Great Queen Seon Deok. I had a huge crush on KNG, that I was literally in tears after watching his very questionable (read: salacious) movies prior this Kdrama because 10 years ago, I was just a pure child who wants my crush to be pure as well (we can all laugh now). And was in more tears, I'm practically drowning, when he announced his military enlistment. I even swore I'll wait for him to be discharged.

And I did wait... for a year at least. After that my fangirl heart decided to move on because hello I'm a fangirl through and through, and I'm also easily distracted. While I do fall hard for characters I like, it sometimes hurt bad whenever I realize the actuality that they don't exist irl which means I can't even really root for them and watch them from afar (this reality was another inspiration for writing another unfinished novel. Gahd, I'm good at plots and starting weird stories but really bad at finishing them, huh.), I really like the part where I can move on pretty easily or relatively easy. I mean, I did have a huge continuous crush on KNG for about 2 years (and while I do have an impressive (it is impressive, methinks) more-than-a-decade crush on Kim Jaejoong and more-than-two decades-practically-my-whole-life crush to very serious admiration and adoration for Jackie Chan, I will be honest and say those emotions were not continous because hello we live in a world of entertainment and general sadness so we're kinda forced to choose between facing or escaping our realities in order to deal. As an escapist at heart, I chose escapism so I end up liking a lot of things. It's not a good choice, but it lets me survive.), and I think that's a feat. Anyway, this also reminded me of a promise I made that when I find out KNG is getting married, I will drink a bucket of beer even though I don't drink beer to lament his getting hitched and celebrate it as well. And from that I made the same promise for Jaejoong's own marriage (yes, it's not a good thing to promise, but let us all be weird in our own ways without harming anyone).

After being reminded of my past feelings, I went to YT to search for this specific Seon Deok x Bidam video that I used to watch about ten years ago, and apparently it can still make me cry so bad I started wishing there's an alternate universe where those characters had a happy ending. It turns out even though I've moved on from my KNG crush, I still have not move on from my Bidam crush. Again, world, why isn't Bidam real? Asking for a friend.

P.P.P.S. I just thought of something. Did I really cry again because of Bidam or was it tears for the past me that I lost? On the other hand, my past memories reminded me that even then, I was already looking for "me" so I didn't lose me after that; I lost me way way way back. When? I have zero idea.

P.S. I write weird shit when at the brink of getting sleepy.

P.P.S. I met Anggun because of the background song "Want you to want me" which makes this video more memorable.

P.P.P.P.S. I should sleep. I'm getting more nuts by the second.

#Rant #Post Series Depression #Post Series Withdrawal

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I've been to Wildwood. The Jersey Shore is crazy in general but wildwood is next level. The board walk has like 200 of the same t-shirt store, feels like you're walking through the fires of hell, and is jam packed with kids on camp trips. I've only ever done the board walk there but I've seen the walk you have to take to get out to the beach, it's insane. I can only imagine what it's like with family. How old are your cousins and what are they like?

My family has literally been coming to Wildwood every year since, like, at LEAST the 1930’s, I’m not sure on anyone earlier than that, and my family is insane, so let’s dive into this.

The Main Characters In My Life On Vacation Are:

-My Grandmother, who was a child dancer star (she tapped on the radio!) who’s been coming down here her whole life- her parents used to come down the same day there would be a talent show, enter her in it, and then use her first prize reward for the money they’d spend throughout the week. Has been in the old person stage of “I’m an elder, who cares what I say or do” for the past 15 years. Has eight living kids and Too Many Descendants. Loud and refuses to admit she can’t walk half the time.

- My Mother, who gets confused very easily, overshares and breaks off into meaningless tangents in the middle of stories, snores like a literal demon, always wants to be asleep, keeps pushing for family activities, doesn’t realize all the kids think she’s lame.

- Me, who is always Extra Depressed in the summer months, and is the Sole Person In This Family My Age- everyone just stopped having babies for a few years when my mother decided to have me (Everyone is either over 25 or under 16). Because of this I’m usually confined to my room, unable to really do anything on the boardwalk because going on rides alone is depressing and my mother has heart problems. Just wants to read and write, but the children keep Screaming.

- My Aunt and Her Husband- A Very Loud Couple, she likes to control everything and he’s the only one who ever bothers to yell back at her. They always fight exactly once, every year, and every year somehow I always end up being the only other person in the apartment while its happening, so I just have to sit in awkward silence until my aunt finally huffs out “I can’t believe you’re doing this in front of my goddaughter!” and storms out to go find her kids. They make a lot of jokes and think their children are very dramatic.

- Jenna, the 14 year old cousin. Very dramatic. Mastered the art of the eye roll at a young age. Has literally looked like a mini model since she was born. Can’t be bothered to deal with anyone. We usually have one (1) tiny girl-bonding moment each vacation and then she promptly acts like she doesn’t care even though it’s clear she does. Athletic and artistic and musically/theatrically gifted. Very sarcastic. Always doing cartwheels.

- Seanie, the 12 year old cousin. Middle child syndrome. Tries to hard to be funny for attention. VERY dramatic. Will cry at the drop of a dime (I’m typing this and I literally just heard him burst into tears in the other room??). Super adorable, you can tell he’s gonna be one of those high school boys that pulls Ridiculous Shit but after one charming smile the teachers can’t bring themselves to stay mad. Very loud. Currently addicted to video game youtubers.

-Zack, the 7 year old cousin. Adorable. Loud. Lowkey a prodigy child but they can’t afford to get him into Special Schools so he’s always bored in class. Baby Of The Family syndrome. Currently in an aggressive pokemon phase. Doesn’t understand he’s literally a child, he acts like an old man half the time.

We’re all shoved into a small apartment for a week, but there are Others:

- Kathy, Grandmom’s second oldest. Literally the most bland person I have ever encountered on this planet. Very, very into trying to plan ‘fun’ family events. Thinks any conversation is a riveting conversation.

- Kathy’s husband, who is just a plain old guy who’s lowkey a hoarder and jokes around a lot, but every time someone mentions his past or his family it gets more and more confusing??? He may have a brother who was in the CIA??? He may have been homeless or he may have lived with his sister???? He may have killed a man???? I literally know nothing concrete about this man other than he’s apparently been with my aunt since they were teens but I. D. K. Every new piece of information I receive just scatters the puzzle more.

- Their eldest daughter and her husband spend most of the summer down here but always make sure to match up the schedule for when we come down. Loud, energetic couple. I have no idea what either of them do for work? They might currently be unemployed? Really into alcohol. At some point in the week every year, everyone in my apartment bonds together to diss them after we get back from the beach. Like, they’ll do something or another EVERY YEAR that sets EVERYONE off.

- The 16 year old. Tries to show everyone memes on his phone. Never really talks to people. Does NOT get along with his parents because he’s kinda an outlier in the family. I feel like he might be a stoner, but if I find out he’s got a hidden gun collection, I wouldn’t be surprised? That probably sounds awful but he’s a good kid I promise.

- Danny, 12. Adorable. Quiet. Mini golden boy. Makes jokes when you aren’t expecting them. Very resigned to the fact he has to hug me and my mother when he sees us.

- Kathy and Mystery Man’s youngest daughter, a librarian, and her stand up comedian husband, and now their three month old who is ADORABLE and everyone was surprised to learn they hadn’t named her Hermione.

Other recurring family members are prone to popping up throughout the vacation- Aunt Margie, Grandmom’s sister-in-law, who, I love her, but remember that chocolate episode of spongebob with the old woman that was essentially a stick in a wheelchair and had a chain smoker voice??? Put that in the tiniest bikini you can imagine and add a wheezing laugh and you got her. Her daughter who I could not recognize on a street if I tried. Her son Michael, who is best friends with my mom and apparently Not Gay (no one’s really convinced). A step-cousin sometimes pops by, she’s very breezy and easy-going and you can’t distinguish her Actual Talking Voice with her Talking To Little Kids Voice.

Anyway, Wildwood itself is just. Goddamn ridiculous.

The aesthetic of this place is somewhere between the 1950’s, a trailer park, and the kind of developed land you get when a moustache-twirling man wants to convince all the old people he can to retire to his buildings. Some buildings are harsh metal, and others are bright pastels, but the only thing joining them together is the fact that it looks like no one has cleaned anything here in years. EVERYTHING, even the knew stuff, looks worn and faded. Even like…the AIR is faded. It’s not just the sun being too bright, everything you’re looking at looks like it’s an old photograph. If you stay too long, you might start to fade into the landscape yourself.

I have never once seen an animal that wasn’t a seagull here. Most towns, islands, places, whatever- you usually have at least squirrels running around, maybe some variations of birds, just. ANYTHING. But it’s all seagulls all the time. You cannot exist in a spot for longer than a few moments without one of them dive bombing you. They are not mere birds. They are feathered demons that Hath No Fear Of The Foolish Mortals Of Mankind.

The song “Wildwood Days” plays on the Boardwalk every half hour. It is the only way to appease the spirits. It’s the modern, New Jersey-ian version of painting lamb blood over your door frame. As much as I’ve grown to hate the song, to twitch and clench my fist at each note, I deeply fear for the day the song doesn’t play on time and the curse is unleashed. I have a deep, sinking feeling that this moment will come within my life time.

If You Don’t Stop To Watch The Fireworks, Your Bones Shall Never Be Found.

You hear the ongoing chant of “Watch the Tram Car, Please!”, and look around, but there isn’t a Tram Car coming. The order grows louder and louder. You realize you aren’t even on the Boardwalk any more. The sound is right behind you, but you can’t find the source. “Watch the Tram Car, Please!” you realize, to your horror, the sound is now coming from inside you. You never find your true voice again.

Despite The Fact That This Place Is A Mosh Pit Of Families From All Over The World, If You Can’t Immediately Place My Accent Or Figure Out What Language I’m Speaking, I Have Legal Grounds To Kill You.

The sand simply isn’t normal. It’s ADVANCED sand. It doesn’t make sense. It never truly washes off. The more you scrub, the more appears.

Ancient gods from multiple pantheons like to chill out on the beach, have a few beers. You never know for sure who is who, but you Know they aren’t the same as you, and you know they know more about you than you’re comfortable with. For your own sake, NEVER ask them to turn their music down.

There is always at least one plane flying over with a sign reading “Jen, will you marry Sean?”. It’s been decades. Will Jen ever say yes?

Elevators Are For The Weak And We Use Them To Judge Who To Do Away With First.

The ocean goes back and forth between green and grey, and you know the color makes a significant difference but you can never quite put your finger on what.

Fish Are Fake.

All the stores sell everything you want, but nothing you need.

King Kong Is Our Fierce Protector, Loving Hero, And Just Enforcer

All the police officers and firemen and general ‘in charge’ jobs seemed to be run completely by 18 years olds

No one truly knows who pulls the shots when it comes to deciding the Boardwalks style each year. Every store sells the same Designated Style, and each year they make less and less sense. You buy a specialized hoodie anyway, and you have no idea why.

I could keep going on with that list, but the point is, Wildwood is a Strange Place and I have a Ridiculous Family, so every year is always a bit of an experience.

Like, no one in my family really has anything in common other than everyone’s always loud and everyone’s always right and everyone is always ready to loudly fight over the fact that they’re definitely right, but like. Imagine crawling through some Hillbilly Murder Showers in the garage of a condo, using all of your force to pry open a suspiciously heavy and questionably mechanized door, walking under the boardwalk and trekking over sand dunes just to find a bunch of screaming yet physically relaxed people under the flag for Montserrat. Some guy’s cracking stand up jokes while no less than three children are fighting each other, your mother is promising for the 14th year in a row that you’re gonna go on a whale watching trip and everyone knows she’s lying, some woman’s trying to hold a conversation about buying applesauce in bulk while her husband and children get drunk, there’s a skinny pale guy with horrible sunburn blasting songs from N.W.A., a girl’s cartwheeling around the site to the point you think she doesn’t know how to move any other way, a boy’s quietly drinking pickle juice, there’s a 7 year old literally trapped in a giant hole that he dug, your mother is snoring loud enough to alarm the people around you, and just when you’re starting to get a little comfortable about the feathered demons and start to relax, a tide comes in so strongly your chair literally starts getting pulled out to sea with you in in. It’s average. It's fading into the landscape with the rest of the place.

#I was gonna make this Funnier and go into more specifics about my family but im literally about to pass out so night #wildwood #family #vacation #molly's memories #asks #molly mumbles

[rcknfw]

https://weheartit.com/articles/321272613-to-my-dearest-friend-who-i-hurt-terribly-and-miss-so-badly?

Hi there. We've spent so much time together, yet I don't know how should I start this letter to you. I am still heartbroken now, but that doesn't matter I don't think back to the days and night we spent together, laughing and enjoying each other's company, just being ourselves and having a great time in general. Every now and then it just crosses my mind and all I get to feel is disgust for the things that I've done to you.

I'm sure you are something great and wonderful on this earth, you've been so good to me, forgave me every time I made a mistake, you've been there for me every single time, no matter how bad I hurt you or how wrong I was about the decisions I made. You have been there when things went wrong, you went through hell for me, I made you do that. Yet no matter how much pain I brought to your life you have always been there for me, you've always stayed. You have treated me like I was made of gold, like there was nothing greater than me in this world even when I let you down, even when I acted completely silly and childish ; and that says a lot about you. You accepted my flaws and you always came back, no matter how we argued and that's something very rare nowadays. Your friendship has painted glorious colors in my life and it has lifted me higher, made me see the world in a different way, it has changed me, helped me grow, it was definitely a blessing.

You may think that letting you go was something easy for me to do, or that I didn't even think about it when it happened, and I don't want to lie. That is somehow true, because when you left, I was, already, so heartbroken that I completely refused to think about it and decided to ignore it. You know I've lost two amazing persons I had in my life and it was awful, devastating for me so I was just in denial. I remember we tried to say goodbye to each other more than one time but when it actually happened, it really hurt. It was awful to see you leaving me at that time in my life, as I was still struggling to live, to cope with the great loss of a very loved and meaningful person I had in my life back then. Yet I cannot blame you for leaving me because I know at that time it was bringing you more pain than happiness seeing me in that state .

I don't think you're told how wonderful you are enough. You have so many things that distinguish you from the others, it is so cruel that you don't see that. I think most people use to take you for granted, you are much more than you actually think you are. There's no one like you. Not a single soul out of the eight billions on this earth are as tightly bound to mine as yours used to be. It's crazy how we used to share things and create wonderful memories together. You've been a great person to me, so kind, caring and patient with me, you always returned to me even when I pushed you away, and you never truly left, you always stayed there and dealt with my bullshit. I genuinely think people around you don't appreciate you enough for who you are and what you are doing for them . I know the last time we spoke your life wasn't as exciting and great as I'd want it to be, I remember a lot of shit was happening to you, yet I couldn't do anything to fix that, no matter how much I wish I could've. I truly hope that everything's fine in your life at the moment. I know you are going to meet someone else, eventually and you are going to be doing great with them. You will shine brighter than you ever did with me, while I was still in your life and I am sure of that . You've been a gift from God for me, but so much has happened and I couldn't deal with everything. I regret losing you so much but somehow I've come to realize that you had to leave because you definitely deserve so much more than I have to offer. I do believe you will meet someone else and find happiness once more.

Indeed, I never planned to let you go but unfortunately it seems that I am not the one for you.

What I would like you to understand now is that I didn’t mean to hurt you in any concrete form of the word. I am deeply sorry for the way things turned out to be, I am sorry it was impossible for us to stay friends, I am sorry I couldn't keep such a precious person in my life, I am sorry for the way I have treated you, I am sorry for falling so badly for someone that wasn't you. Never in a million years, in any condition you deserved what I have done to you and now, when I think about it, it just brings disgust and antipathy to my life. I can't bear the thought of what I did to you and how I treated such a gentle soul. Sometimes, I do hate myself and I think that I deserved losing the one I fell for so deeply. Sometimes I believe it was karma I think the worst part about words though, is that you can’t shove them back onto your mouth and down into your throat. The way it ended between us was unpredictable yet so inevitable. You are a good person and I’m sorry that there was ever a time when I did not let you live up to that standard.

I've been such a cruel woman to you, yet I acted like a kid, no one deserves to feel what I've made you feel like. You have been so kind and gentle with me, but I acted literally like the most heartless human there is, you never deserved what I did to you, and I deeply regret the moment I came back into your life and made you leave everyone for me.

There are so many reasons why I should stay out of your life now, and that's why no matter how much I will miss you, or how strong my feelings for you will be, I will never return to you considering how much pain and sorrow I bring to your life. I wish I had the right words to tell you how horrible I still feel about everything that has happened between us, but the feelings are so overwhelming that it makes me feel like I will never find the right words to describe it.

I made mistakes that were beyond stupid, I should've told you I was falling for someone else..I know that you think back to the things I've done and it makes you hate me now, I am aware of the damage that has been done but I want you to take into consideration the fact that I was damaged as well.I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for putting you through so much shit.I thought about what I've done and it's made me miserable for the past couple of months, I just want you to know that I still do care about you and I'm not as careless as I seem. I’ve been terribly wrong to be so inconsiderate and act the way I have. It's been so hard to but all my feelings into words but I hope this will be the last time I will write or reach to you.

Finally, I am wishing you the best and I pray and believe you'll get it because you're such a fascinating person who loves so deeply and with so much passion. You have been an amazing person and I will never be able to put into words how grateful I am that once I've met you and there was a time when I had your love and friendship. Yet I took you for granted and you didn't deserve it, at all. All I've got to say in the end is that it was worth it and that over time, you will heal. Your constant tears and sadness will eventually evolve back into smiles and laughter, and please believe me when I say this, because it is not poetry. I am sure you already realized that your life does indeed move on with or without me in it. You love and you lose, but it's always for the better. It takes a lot of time to find the value in pain, but once you do, you will realize that the impact that a love has on your life will last forever.

You may have come into my life for what only felt like seconds, but you left a mark that will undoubtedly last a lifetime. I was not made for you, and how I wish you could forgive me that I couldn't lie to you, I couldn't act like everything was right when it wasn't. There was a wall between compassionate and passionate love, there was a difference between what I felt for you and what I felt for him . He hasn't stayed that much time in my life, he hasn't been there when things went wrong in my life but still I did love him with passion and that passion is never going to die. On the other hand. you did all the things he didn't. I had more time to spend with you than with him and you proved me that you're a great friend and lover and whoever gets to have you will be a very lucky person. Please understand that I will always respect you and you will always have a bit of my heart, but I couldn't have lied to you and told you I've loved you as I've loved him. These are two different types of love, yet it doesn't mean I'll ever stop caring about you.

So for that, I thank you. I wish you had stayed. but I do understand that it was meant to be this way. I thank you for teaching me so many valuable lessons, for helping me see the world in a different and better way; for appreciating the littlest things in life and for never taking things for granted again. I wish you all the best. So please, hear me out, for the last time in a lifetime: always embrace your feelings and love with all your heart, body, all your existence. Love with all your soul and mind, no matter how much it'll hurt in the end. I don't think I will ever understand the way you loved me but I am sure that it was strong and deep and beautiful. Please never try to get rid of the feelings and emotions you have in your heart, acknowledge them. Loving so deeply is what makes the one so special, pure and worthy of appreciation and respect; I strongly believe this is what makes us beautiful and passionate. I can assure you, if it'll end, you'll say to yourself "for this type of love, friendship and experiences, life is worth living" . Life is made for these beautiful, great, lovely yet very painful experiences. Love with all your soul and mind ! Your beauty will grow with the passing years as you let yourself see the charm and elegance in things, people, fall for them, and love so deeply. Always forgive and be full of passion. Please never forget the things we've done, the days and nights we spent together, the experiences we both shared and the memories we created.

And so though you may not always be in my life, it is a fact of life that most people won’t be. But to the ones who come and go, it is the ones who leave a part of them with you that matter. The ones who come and go, but also choose to allow a piece of their heart to stay forever.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Passion will meet love and and it will bring you to your most vulnerable state, yet it will make you feel the strongest you've ever been. You don't have to search for it, passion will find you, open your heart."