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aquiparanada · 6 months

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Blue

Lee Taeyong x reader

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You wish you could be there for him.

But it kept getting harder and harder to evade your feelings and make believe everything was still the same between the two of you when in reality you had gone through so much the last months of your relationship.

He was sweet, attentive and everything you could ask for. He was the most special human being you had ever crossed paths with and you both happened to fall in love with one another. Everything was pink in your relationship at first. He would always make time to see you even though you knew he had a very busy schedule. He would surprise you with at home plans and late night drives and walks at the beach. Everything was perfect.

Then everything turned blue.

He had proposed for you to come see him at the first concert of the tour and you gladly accepted. Who could know amongst so many people, right? Who could even suspect you even knew eachother?

It made you feel uneasy since the start of your relationship. As much as you didn’t want anyone to know about you dating because you knew what that implied and you were sure you wouldn’t be able to face all the criticism, threats and hate you both would get for it. You couldn’t even start to imagine what people would think about Taeyong if his fans found out. But at the same time you had grown to love him. And because of that, love being such a big and strong feeling, you thought about sharing it with everyone. You wanted to tell the world how in love you were with Lee Taeyong. But that wouldn’t be, of course.

You attended the concert and followed the instructions Taeyong had given you beforehand to come see him after at the hotel without anyone suspecting a thing. You enjoyed the concert thoroughly and were amazed to see your boyfriend doing what he does best. He was entrancing and charismatic on stage and put his everything into the performance.

You got to the hotel and greeted your boyfriend and told him how much you enjoyed the concert and seeing him enjoy himself performing for all his fans and with his mates.

He thanked you for coming and for your words. But the moment was short lived whe Taeyong got a call from Mark. He thought to ignore it at first because he wanted to have his full attention on you for the night but Mark seemed persistent in trying to get to him.

Hey Mark, everything all right?

Ty… They saw her.

What do you mean, who saw who?

Sesaengs, they saw Y/N getting into the hotel and got pictures entering your room. You can see both of you clearly in them. I’m so sorry Taeyong.

Taeyong just hung up the phone. You had heard the full conversation through the speaker and could not muster a word out of your mouth. Not a single one and neither could him. He would have to face the consequences and apologize to the company and fans and hope for the best while you would have to endure the hate and harrasment you would suffer from then on. The mood had changed drastically and you could hear Taeyong sniffle. You looked up with a void expression on your face and saw him clenching his jaw while he tried to keep the tears from falling down his face.

It will be okay baby, I promise, you trust me right?

He stood up and grabbed your face while he whispered those words. You just nodded your head yes and kept looking at the floor.

I promise I will make this right. I will come up with something and everything will work out, yes? Please look at me baby.

I’m sorry Ty. It was my fault.

What are you saying? This is not your fault. If someone is to blame then that’s me… I knew it was risky and I still convinced you to come here after the concert.

I don’t want you to get scolded by the company, Ty. What if the consequences are bigger? What if they want to drop you after this or…?

Don’t say that baby, they knew this could happen anytime, they know about us, okay? But I’m worried about you, you know fans can be harsh and I can’t let you go throught that. I’m sorry, I really am. We should sleep it off, what do you think? We can both think of something in the morning when we are well rested.

You went to sleep that night but didn’t rest a single minute. Your head was spinning the whole night with possible scenarios where everything went wrong and you couldn’t be with Taeyong anymore and he had to give up his dream.

It had been three months since that incident.

Stans didn’t know much about you at first, you had to go out well covered with a hoodie and sunglasses or a cap so no one could reconigse you. At first you weren’t as scared for yourself and maybe you should have put more attention when Taeyong had explained to you the radical behaviour of some of the fans amongst relationships and girls surrounding the members.

That was until one day at the supermarket a girl had approached you and started following you. You got close to your apartment and she was still there. You were smarter than that and knew you couldn’t let her know where you lived because that would have given her way too much information about you. You managed to cross the street and take a detour that got you to your house after losing sight of her.

You were scared. One thing was hating hate on social media which wasn’t even directed to you since people only knew your face, they didn’t have a name just yet and of course they hadn’t found any of your socials yet. But those pictures that were taken on that day were widely posted and under them a never-ending list of insults and hate comments about you were being written everyday.

You never thought it would get to you but after being followed home you were more sensitive than normal and while scrolling throught the hate you let it get to you and found yourself crying on your bedroom floor.

You kept reading about how you didn’t deserve to be in a relationship with Taeyong and started to ponder if that may be true. You weren’t anything special, or so you thought of yourself. He could be with anyone he wanted to, he was meeting new people everyday and he still chose you. Why? You started to not feel confident in the relationship and insecure in yourself and what you ahd to contribute to the relationship. He was so special and you were so mundane.

You spoke on the phone with him that night but didn’t tell him about the incident or about your new found feelings.

Hey baby… How are you doing?

I’m doing fine. How did everything turn out with SM?

I told you it would be okay. They said they knew it could happen at any given time and that it was okay but I will have to be extra careful from here on out and to work extra hard so they don’t regret letting me break the company rules by having a significant other.

I see… I’m sorry this happened.

We talked about this. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I will talk to you tomorrow, yes? I love you baby, I need to rest and so should you.

Okay Ty, talk to you tomorrow.

You didn’t say I love you back. You couldn’t. Even though you loved him with every fiber of your being you couldn’t gather the strength. Maybe you weren’t as strong as you thought and maybe you weren’t cut out for this.

Days started going by and all you grew tired of hiding. You couldn’t get out of your house and be at peace outside. You spent a sick amount of time reading hate comments from the moment you woke up until you decided to go back to sleep at night. You started groing distant to Taeyong. conversations were fewer and shorter everytime. He would ask if you were fine and you would give him some excuse as to why you couln’t keep talking anymore taht day.

Then days turned into weeks. And the tour ended and Taeyong came to see you at your house.

You hadn’t been sleeping nor eating properly and you weren’t getting anything close to enough sunlight, and it showed.

When you opened the door you were surprised to see him there. He hadn’t said he would be coming, or maybe he did… You couln’t even remember.

He was surprised too. He could only fixate on your dark undereye bags and the prominence of your cheekbones that wasn't there before. He was scared to touch you in case you could break any moment. His eyes became glossy and you took a step back with a blank expression on your face.

He stepped inside and reached to touch your face while tears started falling slong his cheeks. You moved your face to the side so he would miss your face with his hand and looked down.

None of you had said a word up to that moment.

Taeyong I…

Please, don’t. I know what you’re going to say. Please don’t do it, don’t leave me. I’m sorry, please.

You couldn’t look at him. You could hear him crying. You could hear the knot in his throat while he rushed the words and apologies out of his mouth. You knew it wasn’t his fault and you still loved him. But the truth is you couldn’t do it anymore. You were weak physically and mentally and the hate had gotten deeply into you. You couldn’t recognise yourself anymore, and you know Taeyong couldn’t either while he looked at you with wandering eyes.

It is the right thing. I’m not good for you. You deserved better and I know I can’t give you more.

Please, no. I love you and I know you love me too. We will get through this I promise, please don’t leave me just yet. I wil give everything up fpr you if you ask me to. I would do anything for you. Let me help you get better please, let me be better for you.

You looked up rapidly and made eye contect with him after he said that. No. You wouldn’t let him do such a thing for you. You couldn’t have him be unhappy for the rest of his life just to give you your previous life back. He didn’t deserve that.

I’m sorry Taeyong. I think you should go now.

Please. - He strangled a cry. - Look at me, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore. I will leave if you do. If I can feel your hesitation then I won’t leave you in such a state on your own. Please let me stay with you, let me take care of you. I will make this right. Please, baby, just tell me what you need and I will oblige.

I need you to go, now. - Your eyes started getting glossy and you clenched your jaw. - I can’t love you anymore Taeyong.

But…

Go Taeyong, please I’m asking you to go. I will beg if I have to but please just go. I don’t love you anymore.

Taeyong couldn’t believe his ears. Neither could you. You knew that was a lie but maybe you had spent just way too much time thinking that you didn’t deserve him and that he would be that much better off without you that you managed to sound convincing.

You wanted him to hug you until you cried all your pains and sorrows away. You only got to see his back while he closed the door on his way out.

#lee taeyong #taeyong #nct 127 #nct #taeyong x reader

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