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health update and talking about book ideas.

This post comes to you in two parts. Part One: The Health Update. I’ve been MIA for a long time  now, and for that I apologize. My sickness has finally subsided, but life hit me with a tidal wave of exciting, anxiety inducing, happy, and exhausting events. I found out that two of my paintings will be shown in a gallery, and have been preparing for that; I booked four more paid art modeling sessions (money is always nice, but holding a pose for three hours is exhausting), and have been trying to spend as much time with Adam as possible as his deployment date continues to creep closer... I have done all of this while wearing a heart monitor. I’m not sure if I stated before that I would need to wear a heart monitor (it’s been that long since my last post- I literally have forgotten what I wrote) but when I went in to get antibiotics for my sickness, the doctor heard something strange with my heart and ordered an event monitor for me. Now I’m all wired up and entering my 7th day of a two week stint. I have been exhausted, because one of the electrodes digs into my side, and the wires wrap up and get tangled around me, making it hard for me to sleep (harder, if you recall I have pretty bad insomnia) And it has made me become very aware of my heart beat, something that normal people don’t usually any attention to, and just leave it to their autonomic nervous system, unless doing cardio or having chest pain.  But anyway, hopefully I will start being able to sleep better once this thing is off. It’s like carrying around a tiny anchor. The box the electrodes connect to isn’t heavy, per say, but I feel like I’m on a leash. My teachers have been very gracious, and for that I am thankful.  Now on to part two: Talking about book ideas.  I have had the urge to write a book since I was a child. I used to create worlds and characters, but never had the discipline to actually finish anything. Recently, I have had the urge more so to write books about theology, faith, the church and christian life (thus this blog..duh.) And I have had promptings by others, when discussing aforementioned topics, to write a book. My problem is that I have too many ideas, but I don’t know if they have been done before, and have been done better. My other problem is that I don’t have a MT (Masters of Theology) like most people writing on these subjects... I don’t have have a bachelors in any religious, societal study, or historical subject.. I don’t have any formal training at all apart from the one semester of Bible College I took before dropping out. I’m an art student. While I am more knowledgable than the average bear, I am severely lacking. But maybe someone who hasn’t had all innovative, original thought pushed out of their brain through over-education and memorization and regurgitation of theological terminology is just what the genre needs. On to my book ideas. Some of them are crowd sourcing based- for example: A Millennial Commentary on the American Church. (It would have a catchier title than that, though.) It would be an honest observation about the state of the American Church and why, statistically, Millennials are leaving in droves- including interviews with young people from many different Christian backgrounds.  Another that interview based book I had the idea for is what to expect when returning home from a missions trip. I have noticed that there are many books preparing people to go on the missions field, but its a strange phenomenon that people face when returning: you feel changed, but reenter into a stagnant pool of american life. People bombard you with vague questions like. “How was it?” “What did you do?” as soon as you get back- but you don’t have good answers because 1) the questions are too broad and 2) you’re still trying to process. By the time you do process and have time to recoup, people don’t care anymore and you feel like you’re coming off as annoying for always talking about your missions trip- it was important to you and you feel changed- but people have moved on to the next piece of news. This book would also include interviews with missionaries who have gone on both long term and short term missions to out of the US destinations.  One of the books that I most want to write is surrounding the phrase “Childlike Faith” and how most people misconstrue that phrase as being complacent and docile in your faith, accepting things how your “parent” (God) has made them and not questioning or pushing deeper into your relationship with God. I also want to compare childhood developmental stages to that of a convert coming into faith.  But as I don’t have the energy or time or health capacity to even keep up with a daily blog, I feel overwhelmed with the idea of diving into a book. Tell me your thoughts. Tomorrow (hopefully) will be a normal, non-update, blog post about “what happens when you don’t agree with your pastor.” Love and Peace and Grace Unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat. 

#christian

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Update

I went to the doctor today and apparently my cold has progressed to not one, but two ear infections. Lucky me. haha. The doctor also heard something weird with my heart when doing a normal physical and I’m going in on Friday to get a heart event monitor. Please keep me in your prayers!

#prayer request

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M.I.A. (2.3/4.17)

I was MIA yesterday and I won’t be making a long post today because I have been sick- I thought I was on the mend but this virus is kicking my butt. Please pray for me! My sinuses are killing me and I’m having splitting pain in my ears.  Thanks family <3 

-Cat

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2.2.17 (Godly Men vs. Christian Men and Dating)

In my several years of dating experience, there is a big difference between men who call themselves christians, and men who actually lead godly lives. I personally would rather date a man who exemplifies the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control; than a man who goes to church on Sundays but is short-tempered, prideful, deceitful and just overall mean. I’ve met some of those men, hell, I’ve dated some of them. Don’t get me wrong, the intersect of “Godly Men” and “Christian Men” is greater than that of “Ungodly men” and “Christian Men,” but the ones I’ve come into contact with, that I have been romantically interested in have been few and far between. 

Currently, I’ve been spending time with a man who doesn’t call himself a Christian, but does say that he believes in God. What attracted me to him, and continues to attract me to him is his character. He is the most patient man I’ve ever met, so caring, giving, hardworking yet light hearted and HILARIOUS. We have theological talks, and he has the basics down to be “equally yolked,” and that’s good enough for me. Okay, enough gushing on my part, but anyway. Ask me a couple months ago and I wouldn’t of looked twice at any man who didn’t have “CHRISTIAN” in big letters on his tinder bio.  But cutting ourselves off from relationships, romantic or friendship, with those who aren’t christian is a mistake. Jesus fellowshipped with tax collectors and prostitutes, as should we. Look for God in all people, and your love and grace for all people will grow.

Grace and Peace and Love Unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat. 

#christian #christian dating #jesus #God #love #faith #prayer #bible

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2.1.17 (Depression)

I live with depression- chemical, not situational. The earliest memory I have of being depressed is from around age eight. It is something that I’ve had to come to terms with, and own, but not allow to define me. Confession time- for the past two days, I’ve been in one of my depressed funks. They come around about every other month. I’ve spent about 22/24 hours a day in bed. 

When you google “bible verses about depression” a lot of verses about joy come up... like... what. I understand that joy is the antithesis of depression, but if you have ever been depressed and received the platitude of, “just be happy!” you’ll know how trying of the patience that actually is. Several of the more depressing Psalms also come up, where the psalmist feels rejected and abandoned and is calling out to God for relief. I can relate, man. 

I had an english class once, where my hippie teacher told us about a sect of monks from some eastern religion that I cannot recall, that pray for “just enough suffering to remain aware.” Kind of the opposite of “Ignorance is bliss.” This started to change my mindset. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how hard or often I pray for it to magically disappear, this will be a part of my life. But that isn’t a conclusion I come to out of hopelessness. Paul had his thorn and so do I. [2 Corinthians 12:7-9] I am of the belief that God shines even greater through my weaknesses, and that He did not inflict this upon me, but allowed it to happen, as a means to and end to glorify Him and to bring us closer. 

Kept it short tonight. If any of you struggle with mental illness, I pray that it is never more than you can handle, and that something glorifying to God comes from it. 

Grace and Peace and Love Unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat.

#jesus #christianity #jesus christ #church #theology #paul the apostle #saint paul #depression #love #faith #prayer

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1.31.17 (Cookie Cutter Christianity)

FOREWARD: Look at me, learning and getting all fancy. All verses mentioned are linked at the bottom (: 

One of the things that I’ve repeatedly heard through my years of sitting in pews; going to overcrowded, hormone riddled youth events; and running around on the cold tiles of the Sunday school room, is that “The calling of Christ is the calling to be different.”  When I was told this by the more conservative church that I grew up in, they meant “different from the culture of the world” which is sound, because we are called to be “in the world but not of the world” (as the common saying goes), but the hidden meaning that they were trying to instill into us was conformity. Conformity to a mutation of Christianity that would leave all of us clones of each other. 

While yes, the Bible does lay out certain standards of living, but it does not call us to be all alike- in fact it says just the opposite. 1 Corinthians 12, regarding spiritual giftings, is constantly talking about the individuality of believers. This is also addressed in Romans 12:4-8 and Ephesians 4:11. 

God created each of us as individuals, diverse and beautiful. Because I believe in an infinite God, there must also be infinite ways to show Himself to us. Since we are made in His image, we can learn something greater about Him through our differences and what makes each of us unique. 

My prayer for today is that we begin to celebrate our differences and allow them to bring us closer together and closer to God, rather than dividing us. 

Grace and Peace Unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat. 

1 Corinthians 12:4-6 1 Corinthians 12:8-11 1 Corinthians 12:14-20 1 Corinthians 12:21-26 Romans 12:4-8 Ephesians 4:11

#christian #christianity #love #peace #unique #individual #holy spirit #jesus #jesus christ #God #bible #scripture

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1.30.17 (Raving about my favorite pastor and how to write a sermon turned to worship session.)

I’m tired. It’s 0230 AM. I’m so tired. So let’s try to keep this short. (Something that I wish some long-winded pastors I know would say.) Speaking of pastors, one of the ones I most admire is Nadia Bolz-Weber. I would recommend any book by her. Seriously. She’s amazing. I want to go to Colorado just to meet her and attend one of her church’s services. Her book Accidental Saints changed my life. 

One of the things that most profoundly stuck out to me was her describing her sermons, like she was preaching to herself what she needed to hear, and letting others listen in. Reading that totally changed my preaching style, especially to youth groups/teenagers. If they could see that I, an “adult” (I use that term loosely.), who in their eyes was a “Good Christian” (whatever that means) still struggled with the same things they are, then they wouldn’t feel so bad about their shortcomings. 

That is what I urge to all people who feel called into professional ministry- constant introspection. Because, especially when you have a supportive congregation telling you how amazing you are, it is easy and in our fallen nature to get inflated egos and suck up the glory for ourselves rather than pointing to God. Also, honesty. Transparency with those who you are ministering to will make them feel more connected to you, more trusting in you, and therefore more receptive to the Word. Just because a pastor is a pastor doesn’t mean he or she still doesn’t have bad days or the occasional crisis of faith. 

Transparency is the greatest strength. Being vulnerable is a lot more difficult than being closed off and unemotional- what society considers “strong.” It is also a lot more beautiful, in my opinion. Only through vulnerability, transparency, openness, honesty, can we build relationship. Only through relationship can love grow. God revealed Himself to us since the beginning, and entirely and wholly through His son Jesus, and He loves us so much- too much to describe. Sometimes He will allow me to feel just an inch of His profound love and I start to cry uncontrollably. It’s like warm ocean waves, sucking me under- but I don’t panic. I can breathe. I can breathe better than I ever have. I feel more holistically, with every part of me. I strive to love like He loves, and be totally open like He is. He is my rock. He is my everything. 

Amen. 

Writing tonight’s post has turned more into a prayer/worship session for me than theology. And I love it. It also wasn’t short like I said it was going to be- but that’s how you know you’re a minister. You say that you’re wrapping up then go on for 20 more minutes. (Cmon. We have all been in those services haha.) Thank you for giving me the outlet to express this, and to share it with you- my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. 

Grace and Peace Unto You and Your Loved Ones. 

-Cat. 

#christian #christianity #christian university #millennial christian #worship #jesus #jesus christ #love #faith #prayer #honesty #holy spirit

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1.29.17 Quebec City Attack

I fell asleep last night before hitting “Post” and had a different post written out. I woke up today to see that there was a terrorist attack at a mosque in Quebec City that ended up killing six people, and wounding eight. This hurts my heart. It is times like these where I am at a loss for words, because I know that no words will suffice to decrease the hurt being felt. Please pray for the people who were affected and their families, and show love to your friends. 

These are people. They are not an immigration policy. They are not the embodiment of Muslim extremism and killing them will not stop future killing in the name of religion. They are, and were, human beings, with homes, jobs, families. 

It is time to stop dividing ourselves and allowing ourselves to be divided. Bridge the gaps with love. If you call yourself a Christian, then your religion is love. Use that love, that resides in you because the Spirit of God resides in you, to take the time to listen and be understanding. 

Let us work together to increase love and end the violence. 

#christian #chriistianity #islam #muslim #extremism #terrorism #quebec city #love #jesus #jesus christ

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1.28.17 (The Holy Spirit, Azusa, and Winging It.)

Foreword: There’s a decent amount of scripture citation in today’s post, because I believe in having a biblical basis for my beliefs. I have also noted where my beliefs are experientially built, but not refuted by The Word. I encourage you to look up the citations and not just take my word for everything, and form your own beliefs- but if I included all of the text this long post would be even longer. 

The Holy Spirit is my best friend. (Sorry to the people I call my BFFs, but you already know this.) And like any relationship, my relationship with my Best Friend is nourished by communication and quality time. If you hadn’t assumed by those first two sentences, (or are not a Church History nerd like me..) I’m a fan of the Azusa Street Revival. 

//BRIEF HISTORY:\\ //The Azusa Street Revival was a Pentecostal revival movement, focusing on the power of the Holy Spirit that lasted from around 1906-1915. People experienced powerful moves of the Holy Spirit through spiritual giftings such as physical healing, speaking and interpretation of tongues, and intense worship sessions. It was also a social movement, in accompaniment with the spiritual aspect: Azusa Street encouraged interracial mingling and the resurgence of Pentecostalism into the 20th century. \\

Anyway, in a previous post I wrote about focusing more on being close to God than worrying about being on the right path, because if you are close enough to Him that you are stepping on His toes, then obviously you’re on the same path (metaphorically, obviously... unless you’re Enoch [Genesis 5:21-24]) One of the practical ways that I decrease the metaphorical distance between me and my God, is through directed prayer. What I mean by directed prayer is speaking with purpose towards each member of the Trinity, because they are both one and three. (NOTE: I am speaking here from personal belief and experience, I have not found a biblical basis for or against this type of prayer, only that it helps my relationship with God.) In this way, I TRIPLED my logged prayer time, because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t leave anyone out! I personally look to Father God for everything laid out in the Lord’s Prayer (physical & spiritual needs, and forgiveness- making sure that a heavy dose of worship is always included), Jesus “Rabbi” for teaching and wisdom, the Holy Spirit for companionship and direction, and all of the above to increase “the fruit in my life” (reference to the fruits of the spirit). 

When Jesus returned to Heaven in Acts 1, He promised to send His Holy Spirit to imbue His followers with power [Acts 1:8], which was the Pentecost as read in Acts 2.  With the companionship of the Holy Spirit comes a closeness to God, (as the Holy Spirit is God. My personal belief is that humans have a spirit because they are made by God in His image, [Gen 1:27] and The Holy Spirit is God’s spirit. [1 Thes 4:8] ) and with that comes the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control), comfort [John 14:26], and direction [example of clear direction from the Spirit in Acts 16:6]. 

Now we get to the final portion of the title: “Winging It.” Today I was playing Dungeons & Dragons with some of my friends and my parents, and we started talking about who was going to give the teaching at the bible study that we all take part in together that coming week. Of course, the pastoral calling (see my last post) in me felt the need to volunteer. The whole reason I have a blog is because I love teaching and talking (more so rambling) about theology.  Then my friend Trevor said, “I don’t want to speak, because I actually want to learn something!” and the first thing that comes to my mind was “Great- so I can’t wing it?” I know when both reading, but especially teaching, God’s Word that there should be a level of reverence and that you definitely should not play it fast and lose, but something in me always feels underprepared for speaking... always like I’m winging it. I guess that feeling comes from my willingness to completely throw out a message that I’ve worked on (no matter how much I’ve invested in it) if the Holy Spirit wants to go in a different direction that night. And trust me, that has happened on more than one occasion.. but that last second change that comes with being in tune with The Spirit has led to the most powerful messages and personal interactions that I’ve ever had. 

My prayer for today is to intertwine the Holy Spirit even more so into my life. More of God. Less of me. 

Grace and Peace and Love unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat.

#christian #jesus #jesus christ #bible college #christian university #bible college dropout #christianity #fruit of the spirit #holy spirit #prayer #scripture #the bible #college christian #millennial christian #orthodox #pentecostal #azusa street revival #charismatic #spiritual giftings #father god #God #faith #love #pastor #missionary #theology

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1.27.17 (Personal Calling, Ministry, and Jonah)

I originally entered a private christian university (PCU) because I knew that I felt the call to become a pastor- what form that would take, exactly, I am still unaware. But, nonetheless, I knew and still know that ministry will be a large part of my life. Ministry should be a part of every Christian’s life, as we are all called to be ministers, missionaries to the area of humanity to which God has called us, whether that be unreached people sub-Saharan Africa, homeless people in the inner city, or our fellow employees in our daily service jobs. Something I have heard repeatedly is that we should be the best representatives of God and The Word that we can, because our lives may be the only Bible that a person ever reads. That puts into perspective the stakes that my actions have... damn. While I have been on missions trips, and do my best to be a witness to those in my secular college classes, personally, I have known from around the age of 15 that professional ministry would be a large part of my life. My life before and since 15 has been far from spotless, and I still struggle with my sin everyday, but I am comforted by the fact that God uses us not even despite our failures, but BECAUSE of them. His work shines through my weakness.

Anyway, back to what originally spurred today’s post. I attend two different churches, a Vineyard Church and a Evangelical Lutheran church. The other night I was at a weekly study that I’ve been attending, put on by the Lutheran church, and the pastor and I were bonding over the call to professional ministry. The section of Scripture that we were studying was surrounding Isaiah’s call to prophet-hood (...prophet-ness? The life of a prophet? you know what I’m talking about.)  and he asked those in our study what God has called us to be,  “because we are human BEings, not human DOings,” as he put it. (The man loves a good play on words.) Several people gave the predictable, good Christian answers- which are correct, but not to the personal level that he was aiming for: “Children of God.”  “Messengers of the Word.”  “Bringers of Peace.” “Showers of Love.” These were the consensus of the group, until I raised my hand and said, “Personally, I’ve always felt called to become a pastor.” An amused grin broke across the pastor’s face as he replied, “And that call is not one that is easily ignored.” We cracked jokes about how the call to ministry has the most obnoxious ringtone, like a blaring foghorn mixed with a high pitched trill that goes off in your brain when you try to ignore it. And while yes, God has given us free will, and I’m not a Calvinist, I don’t feel like I have much choice in this matter. And that feeling is biblically sound, just look at what happened to Jonah when he tried to send God to voicemail! 

I am of the belief, that once we truly surrender our lives, all that we are, all our strengths and all of our failures, to the one who created us, only then we MIGHT have a prophetic direction. I say “might” with a purpose. When I was under a huge amount of stress, trying to decide whether or not to leave my PCU, worrying that if I do leave then I will be outside of God’s will or plan for me, my parents told me one of the most important things I’ve ever been told. 

Sometimes, God lets you choose. 

Every time that God has needed me to go a certain way, He has made sure that I have known that that is the way to go, whether I want to or not. He sent a taxi whale to swallow me up. But, there have been several instances in my life where I have no clear celestial intervention, despite fasting (more so going on a hunger strike against God, in my case), praying, and seeking counsel from elders. I’ve recently been recalibrating from worrying about staying on God’s path, to staying close to God. Because if I’m so close to God that I’m giving Him flat tires as we walk, we must be on the same path. 

Grace and Peace and Love unto You and Your Loved Ones.

-Cat.

#christian #jesus #jesus christ #bible college #prayer #ministry #pastor #professional ministry #faith #love #God #church #calling #fasting #missionary

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1.26.17 Stream of Consciousness about The Presence of Faith.

Faith is a funny thing. It seems to be the most elusive when it is needed most- at least in my life. While its presence has been a constant in my life, its force waxes and wanes. I know that I like the person who I am most when I am fortified in my stronghold of faith, and I don’t know if the negative times in my life are the way they are because of poor faith, or the cause of poor faith. But regardless, the times when my faith is not as strong as it should be remind me that I have nothing to coast on, even in the good times. Constantly working to get closer to God (while simultaneously not believing in salvation through works, rather works as a response to grace and salvation through faith) is the way that I know my life is supposed to be. 

The time that I most coasted was actually a time that people find most challenging- in Bible School. As a religion undergrad, I felt that I had all of my bases covered. I was getting my daily dose of bible time and a daily prayer in class- killing two birds with one stone. Time efficient... right? I found out the hard way that thinking that this was enough was the wrong thing when I slipped deeper into depression than I had in years. Living inside of the Christian bubble, I didn’t need to rely on my faith and my relationship with God to make it through my day, or to guide careful evangelical conversations with those who have never had a positive interaction with the church. Dropping out of a private christian university and reentering the world of secular academia has been one of the greatest faith acts I have ever done and continue to do. I still support the idea of the universities, and the integration of Christian ideals into academia is great for those who need to establish a routine in their lives, but the level of coddling did nothing to push me outside of my comfort zone and into a deeper relationship with God.

My prayer for today is that I never again become complacent in my relationship with my Christ. 

Grace and Peace and Love unto You and Your Loved Ones. 

-Cat. 

#christian #bible college #prayer #jesus #faith #love #jesus christ #christianity