bordercollieonmeth

[bordercollieonmeth]

On Saturday I played a venue and did the whole “fake out the audience, pretend to leave, come back on stage for an encore performance”. On Sunday, I babysat my cousins little kid and played peekaboo with him. Today I realized that those were the same thing.

#meme #text post #funny #musician #we’re all children

[bordercollieonmeth]

I think I found my spirit animal

D&D 5e: Giant Space Hamsters

They’re here! Four and a half new Giant Space Hamsters inspired by the Spelljammer setting!

image by Noblecrumpet

Giant Space Hamsters

The giant space hamster is a standard hamster bred by gnomes to become a large docile creature they could use to power their spacefaring vessels, which use gigantic hamster wheels. However, once bred to this great size, the hamsters proved far less docile, and far more fertile, than the gnomes anticipated.

Now the giant space hamster is an invasive species on most crystal spheres where the gnomes have settled or visited. The creatures are omnivorous and will not hesitate to get their protein from smaller creatures, including humanoids!

A giant space hamster is about 9 feet long and looks much like a regular hamster in spite of its size. Their colors range from brown to white to black, many with mottled patterns or spots. Due to the process of the gnomes’ husbandry, the hamsters have become genetically immune to most forms of disease.

Hamsters are found in alone or in small groups of 2-5. Each female has a chance of having a litter of 1d4 young giant space hamsters.

Giant Space Hamster

Large beast, unaligned

Armor Class 12 Hit Points 60 (8d10+16) Speed 40 ft., burrow 10 ft.

STR 14 (+2) || DEX 15 (+2) || CON 14 (+2)

INT 3 (-4) || WIS 13 (+1) || CHA 6 (-2)

Saves DEX +4 Skills Athletics +4 Resistances poison Senses Darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 11 Languages - Challenge 1 (200 XP)

Disease Immunity. The hamster is immune to all diseases.

Keen Smell. The hamster has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks relying on scent.

Actions

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit 13 (2d10 + 2) piercing damage. If the target is a Medium or Small creature, it must make a DC 12 Dexterity saving throw or become grappled in the hamster’s cheeks (escape DC 12). The hamster can hold one Medium creature or two Small creatures in its cheeks at once.

Hamster Mutations

Keep reading

[bordercollieonmeth]

Imagine living in a small town working in your local gas station and one day a band of randos with the countenance of a band of roving clowns and the physical capabilities of several olympic athletes, toting high tech weaponry clad in ballistic armor towing a grizzly bear behind them, haggle with you for 30 minutes over the price of a concoction of 5 hour energies and a handful of tums before declaring that they’re going to overthrow the government and fuck a lizard and tipping you 5x your yearly salary

Anyway that’s what being a D&D commoner is like

#dnd5e #meme #text post #dnd memes #tabletop rpg

[bordercollieonmeth]

My love language is satirization of hyper imperialistic and capitalistic Americana

[bordercollieonmeth]

Femboy maid cafe opens up across the street from a trucker bar. “Two households, both alike in dignity”-esque shenanigans ensue.

#shakespeare #text post #meme

[bordercollieonmeth]

The neon glow of the city of angels shown through my curtains as a leggy dame walked through the door to the office, rolling her eyes at me. 12, maybe 13 legs, definitely too many, and I had to ask her to pick her eyes up off the floor.

#eldrich horror #film noir #mystery #meme #text post #what the fuck #send help #i’m high

[bordercollieonmeth]

I wonder if 4th dimensional eldritch entities look at us carbon base life forms in a world made of the same atoms that comprise our bodies in the same way we look at gingerbread men living in houses of their own flesh

[bordercollieonmeth]

Not now kitten whiskers, mommy’s ridiculing the grammar of a 496 chapter smut fic about Mario in Skyrim.

#meme #fanfic #mario #skyrim #text post #mentally fucked

[bordercollieonmeth]

Today I lost to a ‘swap’ power-up in a game of Blooket, and as I watched all my hard work and effort be stamped out but the almighty machine I realized I’d unlocked “John Henry: The Bad Ending”

#blooket #i wanna die #folklore #bad ending #i’m going to explode