cheerupsavvy

[cheerupsavvy]

I wish I could go back because I would’ve kissed you more. I would’ve held you longer and pulled you closer. I would’ve stared into your eyes more to remember every color and pattern. and damnit I would’ve never screwed it up. I want you back so bad it physically hurts. I wish I would’ve done so many things different.

#spilled words #i love you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love him #love #breakup #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #i miss you #i miss him

[cheerupsavvy]

I hope you love him. I hope you really understand what you’re holding. Because you don’t know it but you’ve got my whole world in your hands. The one thing that means the most to me, is all yours. I can’t feel the warmth of his touch or listen to his laugh anymore. I hope you squeeze him tight and enjoy every laugh. The eyes you look into are the ones I dream about every night. So I hope you don’t take a single moment with him for granted. Because somewhere in this world, my tears fall for him. He’s all yours but at one time he was all mine. I hope you love him more than you’ve ever loved anything because I know I do. But he’s yours now. Take care of him for me, someone needs to.

#spilled words #i love you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love him #breakup #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #i miss you #i miss him #love

[cheerupsavvy]

“If I could tell you one thing, one thing to make you understand life just a little bit better, it would be that everyone leaves. Everyone. People are temporary and people say pain is only temporary but pain is not temporary because people leave. They leave you with nothing. You have no one and nothing but yourself. Yourself, who doesn’t know left from right or up from down. You have to learn to live with yourself. And life isn’t fair. It never has been, it never will be. Because people make life unfair. People are only people. After all, you are a person yourself. But sometimes, yourself leaves you too. And you have to figure out who you are because you don’t know what’s happening anymore. People leave. People change. People. Are. Only. Temporary.”

— I don’t know who I am anymore.

[cheerupsavvy]

every time I move through this house, your hand slips from mine. I struggle to grip onto the person that i knew. now, I only see you as a silhouette. all the things I remember, and no longer the person that you are. I prefer not to know who you are now. because I would rather love your memory than love the person that you are now. i’ll miss you, but it is time to go. i’ll hold your memory close to me under the sheets tonight. I hope to see you in my dreams.

#love quote #sad thoughts #spilled ink #moving on #love #I love him #I loved him #I miss him #I miss you #losing someone

[cheerupsavvy]

10 Things you Need to Move On

1. forgive but don’t forget.

it may be difficult to forgive. once you do, it’ll be easier on you. forgive those who have hurt you, but don’t forget how they hurt you. let it make you stronger.

2.find things to make you happy

find stuff you can do that makes you happy. use this time to find the things you enjoy. try to keep your mind off of everything.

3. grow closer to your friends

cling onto the people you have around you. let your friends be there for you and pick you up when you’re down. don’t let yourself be alone.

4. therapy is okay.

it is alright to need helps. sometimes you need someone else to listen and that’s okay. you are not weak and it is not something to be ashamed of. it’s okay to ask for help.

5. love your family

allow your family to be there for you. don’t push yourself away from them. spend time with them and don’t take it for granted.

6. cry if you need to cry.

it is okay to cry. you are not weak or sensitive. let your emotions out, and don’t bottle everything up.

7. learn from the past

something may have happened and you don’t want it to happen again. let this experience teach you and make you stronger. just don’t make the same mistake twice.

8. not everyone will hurt you

not everyone is going to hurt you the way they did. be cautious, but you can trust again. they’re not all the same.

9. take time to grieve

take as long as you need to grieve. don’t let anyone rush you. trust the process.

10. grow closer to God

allow God to heal you. don’t lose your faith, let it make it stronger. grow closer to the one who will save you and is always there for you.

moving on is hard.

#moving on #heartbreak #spilled ink #i love you #spilled thoughts #i miss him #i miss you #love

[cheerupsavvy]

you came into my life at a time when I was broken and everything was dark. I thought things weren’t going to get any better. but then you stepped in at the darkest time and helped me get through it. and then you protected me and you saved me. I was having the worst year of my life and you showed up and made it better for just a little bit of time. you kept my head above water and kept me from drowning. you came along whenever I needed you most. I was the happiest I had ever been by your side. and I just wish I could go back to that happiness. but you’re gone now. and i’m having to learn how to do this on my own. I have no one to turn to and i’m alone. but I made it through before and i can do it again. just this time it’s without you. you came along and you saved me, but then you had to go. I know you had a purpose in my life, I just wish you could have stayed.

#saved me #i love you #i love him #spilled words #heartbreak #I miss you #I miss him #writer

[cheerupsavvy]

this is different from my normal posts, but the person this is to will never see this and I want this off of my chest. I want to write this all down and make sure I have it out of my system. so this post is for myself.

I can’t drive down the road towards your house without breaking down. I made that drive so many times it feels odd knowing that i’m not making my way to your house. and I can’t eat a bag of lifesavers without hearing you say “you only give me the orange ones. am I not worth the good colors?” Blowing up balloons makes me think of the time I blew up 100 and filled your house. and I came back to a drunk you on the couch giggling because your roommate had popped them all. you called it “a bunch of wasted air.” I can’t see a car like yours without my heart stopping. and every time I walk by someone that smells like you I have to stop and close my eyes to remember. Whenever I hear Cody Johnson I imagine you standing above me and bending over and kissing me. And when I hear Jon Pardi I remember the first concert you ever went to, and you went with me. I miss the way your hand fit in mine and you would look over and give me that little grin. and I miss the sound of you gently snoring while you were laid over on my shoulder. and most of all I remember your right hand on my waist as you kissed me before I left your house and had to go to work. you kissed me and we walked down the hallway, and I looked over my shoulder and saw you standing there in the living room. you standing there, with your hair messed up and a sheepish grin, was the last time I ever saw you. if I had known, I would’ve looked a little longer. I would’ve stayed in bed with you a little longer knowing I would never wake up next to you again. every time I see your friends out I always look for you. if I ever saw you again i’m not sure what I would do. I wish I could leave work and see you sitting in the parking lot again, moving your dip can from the passenger seat so I could sit there. one thing I wish I could’ve heard was you say my name. I never heard the sound of my name rolling off your lips. i’m sure if I had heard it, it would forever ring in my ears. I loved you, and I didn’t know it then but I do know. I loved you and I never got to tell you. no, I love you, not loved. because a love like that doesn’t just go away. I don’t think you will ever know what you meant to me. and it kills me because I may never know what I meant to you, either. you were my best love, and all this time later I still think of you every single day. I wonder when a day will come that you won’t be on my mind. the time without you now is longer than the time I spent with you, even though the time with you felt like so much longer. I miss you it seems like more everyday. and I wish I knew where you were and what you were doing. I love you, R. I will always love you.

[cheerupsavvy]

forever scares me. let me rephrase that, the term “never again” scares me. because what if I never see you again. what if we never talk again. what about when I can never get you back again. things will never again be the same. everything as i’ve known it is gone. i’m scared for you to be my never again, because i’m not sure what life is like without you anymore. I don’t want to be without you again, never again.

#spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love you #i love him #love #excerpt from a story i'll never write #i miss you #heartbreak #i miss him #first love

[cheerupsavvy]

Don’t try to move on if you’re not ready. it’s a constant cycle of breaking. you use someone to try and get over someone else and all you do is end up being the breaker instead of the broken. if you aren’t ready to love her, then don’t. do not lead her on and make her believe she’s someone special when really she’s not the person you have on your mind. you cannot take another girl and do all the things with her you did before and pretend she’s someone else. you’ll end up breaking her heart. and then she’ll never understand why she wasn’t good enough. so don’t say those lies through that sly grin and make her believe there’s a future if you know there’s not. don’t tell her you love her and pinky promise that you’ll never break her heart just to tell her the next day that you’re not over your ex. you can ruin someone that way. so if you’re not ready to move on, don’t force it. because you may cause the same pain to someone else.

#spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love you #i love him #love #excerpt from a story i'll never write #i miss you #heartbreak #i miss him #first love

[cheerupsavvy]

I read through our old text messages. some of the words you said were “you aren’t going to scare me off”.

if only I had known then what I know now. I guess that was a lie. cause I did scare you off. you’re gone now. and I just wish we could go back to that happiness again. I wish you were still mine.

I miss you.

#spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love you #i love him #love #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #i miss you #i miss him

[cheerupsavvy]

I Don’t Hate You, I Hate That I Still Love You

I don’t hate you. How could I? The father of my dear son. I don’t think I ever could, to be honest. With all our history and with all our memories, I am incapable of hating you. 

With all of our words spoken, our letters written, and our million “I Love you’s” that we screamed, I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hate you.

I just hate that I still love you.

It’s hard to even feel my fingers type this. It’s like the bones in my body still don’t want to accept it either. It’s been so many days, yet, I still think of who we used to be. Of who you once were when you were with me. 

I still dream of you. And when I do, I spent the whole rest of the day wondering where you are and what you’re doing now.

I bet you are telling someone else you love the,. And I bet you mean it. That’s the saddest part. Is that you really truly mean it.

But, you meant it when you said it to me too.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to try to win you back. Or try to smash thoughts of me into your head. I’m not going to come up with some devious plan to go to where you are. I’m done with pretending there will ever be a “you and me” because I know there never will be again.

I just hate that you are still wired in my brain. I hate that I write about you all the time. 

I hate that when you tell me about her, I get jealous.

I wish I could feel like a normal human being. Don’t normal people move on faster? Do they move on for good? Do they forget the past?\

I bet they don’t dream about their past lover. But maybe, that’s because they didn’t have a normal love. What we had wasn’t normal. IT was crazy. It was an addictive, over the top, I can’t live without you, type of love.

I try to convince myself sometimes that I don’t love you. I guess it’s true in some way. I’m not in love with you anymore. I don’t love who you are now, because I barely know you.

But, I do know that I still love the you who loved me.

And I love the you who treated me like gold. And I love the you who cried when you left me. I don’t hate that you’re with someone else. 

I just know that I’ll always carry love for the person you once were.

And the person who never wouldn’t let me go.  Thank you for making me always feel safe. Thank you for loving me through so many years. And thank you for letting me love you so hard, that I could never ever hate you.

And thank you for loving me so damn hard, so I could always love the guy you used to be.

[cheerupsavvy]

don’t ever take the time you have with someone for granted. because one day you could be waking up next to them and the next day you don’t even speak. people in your life are like a revolving door and each one is there to teach you a lesson. some, they stay longer than others. but there usually isn’t enough time spent with anyone. you could spend every day with someone for their whole life and still miss them the second they leave. so enjoy the memories while they last. don’t get mad over something so little it won’t matter tomorrow, because they might not even be there. make sure everyone knows how you feel about them. if you love someone, tell them. because they may never know. make good memories and don’t reminisce on the bad times, remember the good with everyone. and just be glad you had someone in your life when you did.

#spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #i miss you #enjoythelittlethings #enjoythemoment

[cheerupsavvy]

My life is no longer about me waiting for you to come back. Now, I’m just learning how to live without you. Now, missing you is a normal pain that I have learnt to deal with.

#spilled words #i love you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love him #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #love #i miss you #i miss him #first love

[cheerupsavvy]

We spent every day together for one month. spending the night in the same bed, kissing, your first concert, you making me dinner, showing me where you were from, the wedding we went to, everything. we had so many adventures that this month has felt like so much longer. I just needed an answer. I didn’t want to lose you completely. one day you were there and the next you weren’t. I was waking up next to you and the next morning I was waking up without you. I wish I could know why. I wish I could know what I was to you. I wish I knew how you felt about me. but I may forever be in the dark. I miss you. but I have to accept that you won’t come back. I absolutely adored you. I hope you find what you’re looking for. always stay happy and goofy for me, please. don’t let anyone break your spirit.

goodbye.

#spilled words #i love you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love him #love #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #i miss you #i miss him #goodbye

[cheerupsavvy]

to whoever loves him next,

I hope you love the way he laughs and how his blue eyes crinkle up at the sides. I hope you enjoy every home cooked meal, and when he takes you back home to meet his family. I hope you enjoy all the wild adventures and nights of staying out until 3 a.m. I hope you love his friends and enjoy every minute. I hope you sit on the couch and giggle at him as you watch him stumble through the house drunk. I hope you two dance in the living room to the stereo playing loud, screaming your hearts out. I hope you leave things of yours around the house for him to see when he comes home. I hope you wait for his favorite store to open so he can buy a pearl snap shirt, even though you’ll be late. I hope you drive half an hour to make sure he wakes up in time. I hope you show him new places and new things, because he doesn’t know much about the real world. I hope you like being the big spoon, because he loves to cuddle. I hope you know how to fold his laundry and exactly where he wants it. I hope you lay there and admire him because he’s the best damn thing you’ve ever seen. I hope you know him, through and through. I hope you love him, God how I hope you love him. because he deserves it. there’s nothing about him that you cannot love. and please don’t hurt him, he’s so precious. I don’t think I could stand to see him broken. although it hurts to see you love him, i’m glad you do. because if only you could love him half as much as I did, he’d be a lucky man.

sincerely,

the girl who thought he was her whole world.

#spilled words #i love you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i love him #excerpt from a story i'll never write #heartbreak #i miss you #i miss him #first love #love #broken

[cheerupsavvy]

[cheerupsavvy]

time without you has gone by a lot faster than the time with you ever did.