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filmsnarktm · 5 years
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Monster House- October 13th
This is such a fun movie. The trope of a band of kids exploring that one creepy house in the neighborhood and uncovering dark secrets is played upon perfectly here. All of the character fill in their trope roll but with a fun additional spice that helps keep the movie fresh.
The reveal of the true nature not only of the house but the bitter old man who inhabits it was heartwarming and tragic in a way that if I were drunk or under the age of 10 probably would’ve had me sniffling.
While the animation in this film is… questionable, I would say all of these other positive aspects outweigh that. This a film I will certainly be showing to my children in the future, as well as probably a couple watches myself in the meantime.
Final Rating: 7/10
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Insidious- October 12th
Chelsea was very excited for me to watch this movie. Having already seen all three of the movies in the series and loved them, she was eager to see my feelings on them. I am… less enthusiastic.
Insidious is by no means a bad film. The acting ranges from mediocre to slightly above average (I, a dweeb, was very excited to see Raoul from Phantom of the Opera playing a major role at the very least), and the pacing is actually very good.
That being said, I felt this was a movie that tried way too hard. While the multiple demons thing made sense once the explanation was given, something I had initially thought was a bit over the top, once the astral projection thing starts it just gets silly.
The design and actions of the demons/spirits during this scene are way too dramatic to the point of me not only not feeling threatened, but more amused than anything. And the twist ending was non-sensical in a way that conflicted the very lore established not ten minutes earlier in the movie.
Chelsea swears it doesn’t matter because they explain it in later films, which I can neither confirm nor deny.
As a standalone film this movie was above average, but not great.
Final Rating: 6.5/10
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Scream- October 11th
It’s hard to name a more iconic slasher film than Scream. Sure, there are other slasher films of similar popularity, but those are just that- popular horror movies which happen to be slashers. Scream is THE slasher.
This of course comes partially from the film’s satirical nature. That being said, the film doesn’t allow said nature to get in the way of also creating genuinely suspenseful moments and likeable characters. Even the journalist character which is initially portrayed as unlikable you find yourself rooting for by the end.
The twist is fun if a little over the top, but not in a way that doesn’t fit the tone of the movie.
All in all a very fun movie, perfect to watch while drinking or smoking with friends, but good sober too. A classic that absolutely deserves to be so, I may have no doubts I’ll be watching this one again in the future.
Final Rating: 7/10
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Body at Brighton Rock- October 10th
So remember how we thought it was weird that someone made a serious bear horror film? Well, guess what. There isn’t just one serious bear horror film. No. We live in a world with TWO serious, bear villain-ed horror films. And it is with great confidence that I can say: this is my least favorite bear horror movie I’ve ever seen.
Number one the main character is the dumbest bitch to ever be a dumb bitch. Like, by god. And the movie acts like she’s not a dumb bitch? No. You’re not fooling anyone, movie. We have eyes.
And then the last half of the movie is a progression of increasingly ridiculous “is this a hallucination or is it real???” scenes. It ends on a note that supposed to make the film seem clever and tricky, but instead leaves you indeed asking “what the hell” but with a “fuck you” on the end that I’m not so sure they were looking for.
Plus, the acting is atrocious.
Final Rating: 3.5/10
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Backcountry- October 9th
So... someone decided to make a bear horror movie? And... it wasn’t a joke??
As a matter of fact, we were so sure that this film was going to be a weird horror parody/lighthearted slasher vibes type movie we got hammered for it.
Well it TURNS OUT this is a sad and heartwarming survival thriller about a couple with excellent chemistry, written adorably, plunged into turmoil amidst what was in intended to be an important romantic vacation. It made me cry- 4 times. Even Chelsea was distraught.
That being said while the movie does a fantastic job in the first 80% or so of the movie building suspense and tension the ending was also one of the most anticlimactic things I have ever witnessed.
I will say, my grew up in the Smoky mountains southern ass was a little irritated with the bear villain being a black bear, after hearing my entire childhood about how black bears aren’t scary, they’ll run away if you act big, sweet berry eating tree napping fuckers. They were in my yard once a week. Angels. Whereas grizzlies will maul you the fuck to death so you best play dead and hope for the best. Big murder fluffs.
But APPARENTLY this film is based off the true story and the real bear was indeed a black bear so I suppose so can forgive them THIS TIME. Guess the Canadian black bears aren’t quite as nice as the people.
What I will say is less forgivable though is that I looked into the story this film is based off and a major detail they changed is arguably a touch disrespectful to the original couple, though I can’t go into it without spoiling things. It wasn’t atrocious, but it didn’t sit quite right with me.
Before the last ten minutes of the movie this was a solid 7-8, but the ending is paramount and as such all things considered we have concluded:
Final Rating: 6/10
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Scary Godmother
October 8th
A cute if poorly animated short film that Chelsea insists is a classic. I’m not so sure of this myself, but cannot confirm not deny. While admittedly intoxicated, it even got a few genuine good laughs out of me. I would definitely consider showing this to my kids at least once if I had them.
Final Rating: 6.5/10
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A Serbian Film
October 7th
Disgusting. I have never seen a film on the face of the planet which deserves to exist less. Pointless shock horror that leaves you feeling dirty, more like you watched an actual smut film than a movie about them. We had to brush our teeth to feel clean again.
Final Rating: 0/10
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A Clockwork Orange
October 6th
So… this movie isn’t a horror movie? Is it a disturbing movie? Sure. But the fact this film came up highly recommended when we were searching around for good classic horror films was, as the film progressed, increasingly baffling to the both of us. That being said, it definitely had a tone which I would say places it as at least somewhat fitting for the month of October, and it was by no means a bad film.
Malcolm McDowell does a wonderful job as gleeful psychopath Alex and of meshing with the odd, distanced yet disturbing tone of the film. The “Singing in the Rain scene” is one I hear frequently spoken of as a stand out aspect of this film, but personally Chelsea and I both found it to be more just… mildly uncomfortable? This is not to say we’re awful people who don’t give a shit about the occuring event, but more so that I don’t think the film necessarily wants you to be horrified.
I would argue that this isn’t at any point truly the films’ goal either. It isn’t trying to horrify you. More so, all of the awful acts committed by Alex and his gang are with the intention of establishing Alex’s character for context within the second, rehabilitation oriented half.
The true goal of A Clockwork Orange is to create a strange, half-wrong world, which still reflects the worst of our own in a way that raises important questions. The film is particularly interested not just superficially the treatment of prisoners, but of whether two wrongs make a right. Even more so, it raises questions concerning the value of free will. All of these things are fun to ponder, and the film offers a vivid environment to ponder in.
So is A Clockwork Orange a horror movie? No. A thriller… maybe? But a good movie? Hell yeah.
Final Rating: 7.5/10
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The Bye-Bye Man
October 5th
I will go ahead and admit that the entire reason we watched this one was due to the amount of people online mocking it as a terrible film, in addition to its abysmal ratings across all major film reviewing sites. And sure, there was plenty to make fun of, don’t get me wrong. But at the end of the day, while we wouldn’t call this a good movie, we’d say it’s a hard stretch to call it awful either.
Admittedly, a lot of this movie was laughably goofy. The main girlfriend character in particular is bafflingly stupid and has one of the most irritating and over the top voices I’ve ever encountered. I a little bad for her if it’s her real voice, as it has both the pitch and acting ability of a d-list child star from the late 90’s. A lot of problems could have been solved if someone had just smashed a night stand, which was irritating. Douglas Smith is also pretty unbelievable as the charming boyfriend, something about his crazy eyes and just the way he delivers his lines definitely makes you feel like he’s the one to be afraid of.
That being said once shit hits the fan and the movie becomes about going insane and trying not to die he does great! Very believable, and even makes the final scene starring his character genuinely a little touching.
While the actual premise and the way everything is gone about is more than a little over the top, the film actually does a decent job of building suspense. I’d even say the pacing is pretty good, even if the plot points we bump into along the way aren’t.
The friend character is insufferable. He’s not that important, but I just wanted to say.
The Bye-Bye man is a movie which is not nearly as bad as people say it is. Some (emphasis: some) actors did a great job. Some (emphasis: some) moments did a genuinely good job of building suspense. Some (emph: some) characters were likeable. That being said, it’s certainly no diamond in the rough either. Take it or leave it, you probably won’t leave the movie feeling particularly inspired, but you won’t be hating it for 90 minutes either.
Final Rating: 5/10
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Happy Death Day
October 4th
Happy Death Day is a film that did everything it wanted to do. From the increasingly over the top death sequences, to the edging on corny dialogue, this movie knew exactly what it was and exactly how serious to take itself so that nothing felt out of place. Because of the film’s self awareness, in addition to many positive qualities such as the actor’s fantastic chemistry and creative editing, many criticisms that could have been leveled at the film had it portrayed itself in any other way instead fall flat.
Speaking of which, can we talk about that for a second? Yeah; the thing I said about the acting, that that? The couple in this movie? Fucking adorable. Loves of my life. Would die 11 times for them, 10/10. They have such sugary sweet chemistry, once our porotagonist Tree’s transition to “not a bitch” began there was no coming back from the parade of “AAAaaaww” and “they’re so cute, oh my god, they’re so cute”’s from Chelsea and (more so) I.
The characters are very lovable in their own rights too. Tree, portrayed by Jessica Rothe, starts out a stone cold bitch bitch over the course of her many deaths learns the classic lesson of learning to be kind and that nerds don’t always suck as we’ve seen time and time again. While in many other films this could come across as a tired trope, the movie never takes this transformation too seriously, allowing it to feel easy and natural instead of forced or shoved in the audience’s face from some weird directorial soap box. Rothe does a fantastic job in the role as well of making the character feel charming and authentic- you could tell she was having fun with the character, and that energy is infectious.
The film’s primary love interest, Carter (Israel Broussard), is also a refreshing take on the “nice wimp guy gets the girl” trope, without pushing itself too far or trying to be revolutionary. While definitely intended as the sort of “geek” of the film, they don’t go over the top trying to make him horrifically socially awkward or desperate to get with our film “hot girl” Tree. This makes the romance that eventually developed between them feel believable, rather than like Carter’s been unjustly rewarded with the hot girl at the end by sheer virtue of being such a “nice and nerdy” sort of guy. Frankly Carter’s a little cutie and me and Chelsea would both set up any of our female friends with him any time.
Acting alone does not carry the film however, as the writing of the movie is really allowed to shine. Sure, it edges on cheesy here and there, but there are multiple lines that we were surprised at how clever and fresh they felt. While some side characters are undeniably a little flat, they are so in a way that fits seamlessly into the film. I’d even argue that the film was very smart to allow roles such as them to be all that they needed to be, rather than unnecessarily pushing for more, ensuring that we weren’t distracted from our primary characters for little to no pay off.
Speaking of characters with no pay-off, here’s Chelsea and I’s first major film disagreement: I thought the villain was incredibly obvious. Like literally the first scene this character was in, I thought that they had been made a such and obviously suspicious person that it couldn’t possibly be them and was surely a red herring. Chelsea and the third person we watched the film with, on the other hand, thought the villain twist came out of absolutely nowhere and were shocked. I have no insight into any meaning of this for you, just letting you know, that’s what happened.
That being said, the amount that the villain was obvious didn’t really bother me, as I don’t think that was really what the film was about, or at least it’s not the reason I liked it so much.
Also can I just add that Tree is such a capable badass?? Like bitch fights back when necessary, does it well, runs when she can, and is overall a fit and clever but not TOO unrealistically fit and clever absolute fucking queen?? I love this bitch y’all.
Okay so basically I fucking loved this movie okay. Chelsea also really liked it though perhaps no quite so much as I did, and I will defend this movie’s honor to the death. Personal 10/10 enjoyment, actual rating:
Final Rating: 8/10
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Split
October 3rd
I first saw Split in theaters back in 2017 the day it was released, marking it as the first rewatch of the month. Me and my friends had long been fans of Shamalan’s films, from his genuinely good films like The Sixth Sense to his “so bad they’re good” movies like Devil. After the release of The Visit in 2015, we were excited at the prospect of Shyamalan returning to form and making genuinely good films again. At the time, viewing it in the theater, hyped, with a group of friends who were equally excited to see what the film had to offer as I was, I left thinking it was a great movie. At the time, my personal IMDB shows I considered it to be an 8/10.
Unfortunately, on a second viewing in my dorm room with one tired friend and a shitty microwave pizza, it didn’t quite hold up to the quality my memories painted it in. Now, that’s not to say the film is awful by any means. I still enjoyed watching it, and there’s plenty to praise, so let’s start there.
The clear star of the show, in both of our opinions, was James McAvoy’s performance as the film’s antagonist Kevin. It’s hard enough to properly portray one character, and yet somehow McAvoys manages to seamlessly flip flop between 23 entirely separate personalities. Every single character has a seperate cadence, way of speaking, accent, way of walking, posture, every single tiny difference that real people have but don’t think about. Every emotion from him felt fully genuine, in ways specific to whichever personality he’d donned for the time being, and it was an absolute treat to watch.
The rest of the actors all do acceptable jobs as well. Anya Taylor-Joy does a fantastic job with the lead character Casey in giving personality to a character that could have come off very stoic or lifeless. The remaining actors all do serviceably in their rolls, which is fine, as they are all relatively small parts, McAvoy and Taylor-Joy taking up the majority of the screen time.
The film also did a good job of creating tension. Even having seen the film before and knowing what was about to come next, I still found myself holding my breath throughout nearly the entire run time of the film. The plot flows and builds very reasonably, and is quite well paced.
Now here’s where our issues with the film come in, and it’s a big one: does Split wanna be a fucking sequel or not? While standalone sequels are perfectly valid if that’s what you want to do, it simply doesn’t work with the concept of this universe. If you have no idea what Unbreakable is, as Chelsea did not, a mentally ill kidnapper suddenly magically being able to transform his entire body and stick to walls in the last 10 minutes of a film previously well grounded in reality just seems silly. To someone who does know what the film is supposed to be, the lack of supernatural elements anywhere else in the film makes the inclusion of this so suddenly at the very end just feel out of place. I understand this this film was intended to set the stage for further films (we may watch Split 2 at a later date), but as it stands it just creates an effect for the film itself.
We also found the abrupt supernatural aspect to somewhat undermine the fascinating and much more legitimate struggle of the 23 initially spoken of personalities. While they still help to make him a tragic and almost (keyword: almost) sympathetic character, they feel cheapened, and the silliness of the so called “beast” personality makes it easier to dismiss the character as a whole, which is a real shame.
Chelsea would also like to know if anyone else who has seen the film noticed a thing with windows. I presume if you know you’ll understand.
Final Rating: 7/10
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I Spit On Your Grave 3
October 2nd
While I Spit On Your Grave 2 was a pleasant surprise, this movie reached lows I didn’t think imaginable for this series.
The film begins with the return of our protagonist from the first film, Jennifer, this time using the pseudonym Angela. After changing her name and moving across the country, Jennifer finds herself seeking therapy in an emotional support group for rape victims. Rather than seeking a personal vengeance, Jennifer here decides that it would be a nifty idea to just, ya know. Murder ALL potential rapists. From here she goes on a murder spree of every man who’s hurt any woman in her group, determined to be the one person who can bring justice in a world where the system continuously lets her down.
While some have criticized the film’s divergence from the pattern set forth by the original films, this was not the issue that me and Chelsea found to have with it- and trust me, we had plenty.
First, was the character of Jennifer herself. While the actress Sarah Butler does a fine job of reprising her role, it’s hard to shine when the actual script you’re given to polish off is made of dog shit. And that’s assuming bringing her character back was a good decision in the first place, which it wasn’t. We felt Jennifer’s story was concluded satisfactorily in the original. While that’s not to say that she is impossible to build upon, it would have to be a way that further develops her character, whereas this film, on the other hand, ruins it.
All throughout the film Jennifer is dead set on this idea of “justice”, but as the film goes on she begins to do more and more morally questionable things in her pursuit of this concept. This could be alright if framed correctly, but the film still acts as though she’s in the right, rather than as though we’re watching a relatable concept of vengeance go wrong. The second she starts attacking or harassing male characters who haven’t committed any crimes or in one case done anything other than politely ask her out she has broken her own code of justice, and the movie seems to be completely ignorant of this fact.
The murders themselves also lack punch. While still gory and brutal, because we’ve only been briefly informed second hand of the things these men have done rather than witness them happen, the gore doesn’t feel earned. In addition while we get a taste of it, we don’t even truly see the full impact that the crimes committed have on their victim- we see a girl cry once, a girl who Jennifer never even directly speaks too, and are expected to have the same emoitional investment in seeing her rapist tortured and killed as we do after watching Jennifer or Katie from the second movie go through almost an hour of rape and torture. That’s not to say we don’t feel pity for the character or want her attacker to suffer, merely that the film is set up in a way that doesn’t allow for the same impact.
The film also attempts to include a political message about police negligance in rape cases, but the primary police character is so undereveloped and confusingly written that the message dies along with Jennifer’s victims and character consistency before it can even get out a whimper. The secondary police characters are so cartoonishly villainish that they’re impossible to take seriously. There’s one scene of a female officer repeatedly mocking the surname of a man who’s daughter was raped and tortured into suicide which was horrifying to watch and completely pointless.
And that’s the key word, isn’t it? Pointless. Not a single aspect of this movie took a single concept from the original and built upon it in a beneficial way, and the concepts they tried to add on their own felt like the underdeveloped ghosts of a good idea’s cousin. This film was written a directed by a whole new set of people and the severe difference in quality is obvious. While after the shocking quality of I Spit On Your Grave 2 we went into this revival with an open mind, by the end we only wished that this poor series was left buried.
Final Rating: 3/10
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I Spit On Your Grave 2
October 1st
I Spit on Your Grave 2 bares resemblance to the original in that a girl is raped and gets revenge on the rapist, but that’s about where the similarities end. Our protagonist Katie begins the film a struggling model in New York, freshly relocated from her small midwest town, in a shitty apartment without any friends. After a moment of desperation leads her to accept a photo shoot with some questionable characters, she ends up in far more trouble than she ever bargained for when she finds herself dragged into the brutal horrors of sex trafficking at the hands of unstable and merciless captors.
In the original I Spit on Your Grave, while we are invested in Jennifer out of a natural sympathy for what’s happened to her and a desire for justice upon those who have wronged her, we don’t get a chance to become thoroughly invested in her character as an individual. In this film, on the other hand, our protagonist Katie manages to express character and grit despite the tragedy and gruesome reality of her circumstance. While some have leveled criticism at her character for accepting the photoshoot despite questionable circumstance in the first place, she proves for the majority of the film to be clever and resourceful. I will admit I find this criticism particularly roll-my-eyes-into-the-back-of-my-head-stupid, as the same people don’t seem to raise an eye-brow at Jennifer “yes strange men at this gas station this is my address and I will be there completely alone and unarmed miles away from civilization where no one can hear me scream for months” Hills. She doesn’t take unnecessary risks, but at the same time she is proactive and doesn’t just wait for luck to find her. Katie’s character is a little naive at the beginning, but not to an extent that would make her stupid. The following descent into a hardened heart as events in the film escalate is slow and believable. When we see the person she’s become at the end of the film we feel like we really understand every step of how she got there.
It doesn’t hurt that the actress, Jemma Dallender, does a phenomenal job. While some have criticized her performance as over the top, we both found that she captured the desperation and the wild emotion of what a person would be feeling in this situation beautifully. I saw myself in her meltdowns in a way that brought me straight back to traumatizing events in my own life. I have screamed and sobbed and fought in exactly the way Katie did and yes it was ugly and loud but bad situations often are, and I thought she portrayed that perfectly.
Even the Bulgarian cast involved in the human trafficking did jobs ranging from above average to great. In particular Georgy, portrayed by Yavor Baharov, did a great job of adding depth to what could have easily been a one dimensional abuser. That is not to say he is a sympathetic character, the things he does are unforgivable, but he shows that even in the darkest of people moral grey areas can still exist.
Another high point of the film is it’s portrayl of human trafficking. There are so many smaller details tying the film into the real experiences of sex-trafficking victims in the world today. We loved he inclusion of Heda, a former sex-trafficking victim who now herself helps her former (and current) abusers draw in more victims, a practice unfortunately not difficult to find in many of these operations. We also appreciated the inclusion of disbelief on behalf of the police who all too often in real life scenarios are quick to pass off the stories of girls like these as drug induced or cover-ups for their illegal activities as sex workers.
And of course it would be impossible to properly review this movie without at least touching upon the gore. I have to be honest: this film is brutal. Gruesome, gritty, and absolutely horrifying. We were gasping and covering our mouths in shock nearly the whole way through. The rapes were violent and extended, leading up to the ever satisfying but gruesome revenge enacted by our protagonist at the conclusion. This is not a film for the faint of heart, but it only serves to make the film all the more poignant. There wasn’t a single scene I felt was gore or violent for violence sake, every bit of pain and suffering in this film served a purpose, and knowing everything Katie went through in the beginning only serves to make her vengence at the end all the more satisfying.
All in all I Spit On Your Grave 2 is a fantastic film which has been done a great injustice in being the sequel to a well-liked but overall only moderately above average film. Katie is a character who stands tall and maneuvers her way respectably through trials that seem to have no end in sight. It kept tensions running high for both myself and Chelsea the whole way through, which is a bit of a challenge for Cynical Dee and Snarkier Dumber. I recommend this film to anyone who has the stomach, and am glad that I gave it the chance it more than deserves.
Final Rating: 8/10
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Reviews coming tonight, and probably not what you’d expect
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Who Are We?
Hi there! And welcome. My name’s Hannah, and my co-conspirator is called Chelsea. Because we hate ourselves, but hate being bored more, we’ve decided to watch a movie every day for until we graduate college, which could be a minute. Every month we will choose a theme, and every day we will watch a moving matching that theme, excepting breaks, when we go our seperate ways to spend time with family and yada yada. Together we’ve collectively decided that why study when we could do what we do best and watch movies, bitch to each other, and then bitch to the internet about them? It sounds simple, but that’s really all there is to it.
At the end of each month we’ll rank the films from least to most enjoyed, and every night we’ll upload a review which I was inclined to describe as short, but could really be any length depending on how much we care.
To kick off this project (?) for October we’ve chosen the obvious, horror films. From satirical romps like Scream to classics like Psycho to the gore fest that is the Human Centipede, we’re in for a fun ride, and hope you are too.
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