hasitreallycometothis

[hasitreallycometothis]

I hate not knowing if I’m autistic or not. Everyone tells me that I am but I’m not diagnosed. Growing up only one person thought I was. I was observed by the school and they told my mom I’m fine and no one ever shamed me for any quirks. But since college it seems everyone I come across think I’m autistic. I’m nervous about getting a diagnosis since I heard it can affect insurance and treatment and job opportunity and I don’t want to risk any of that. But I hate not knowing and I’m don’t wanna self diagnose cause I know there’s a stigma and what if I’m wrong??

#autism #internalized ableism #self diagnosis #for the most part I think self diagnosis is valid #im just nervous

[hasitreallycometothis]

I swear if I’m getting pancreatitis from this not eating thing I’m gonna be real upset

#like I barely starve #so it would only be caused by a few years ago #when I did it all the time #only plus side: #one of the symptoms is losing weight lol #but I’m still big fat tho so that’s one point against it #not pro just hiding tags #pro 4na #anorexsick #anorexik #it's not as simple as just eating

[hasitreallycometothis]

The difficulty of having two accounts is when your no no blog accidentally reblog a stuff in stead of your yes yes blog. I’m just worried of someone going “ooo nice take!! Wonder what the person who liked this is like” and it’s the sad club one

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw // self harm

I find it quite funny that after checking out a recovery center to see if they help me stay clean from self harm, I proceeded cut myself with the contact card

#self harm #cutting #selfhate #self hate #the corners were sharp #👉👈

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw // self harm, shock therapy

So I just learned about this old device designed to stop people from self harming (specifically hurting your head). Every time you try it sends a shock. I just gotta say…..if you plan to hurt yourself, a device that hurts you too doesn’t sound like the most effective solution…..

#selfharm #self harm #sad thoughts #sad #self injury #it feels more like a two for one deal

[hasitreallycometothis]

Sure love it when my mom scolds me when I literally just wake up :)

#it’s like she plans for when I’m most emotional to do it #sad thoughts #sad #or maybe I’m just overreacting #tired

[hasitreallycometothis]

Well it seems like my biggest fear came true. I’m back to my starting weight.....

#sad thoughts #anarexja #ana thoughts #not pro just using tags #I hate myself #anamia #anarecia

[hasitreallycometothis]

Is it just me or are motivational posts really triggering?

#sad thoughts #selfhate #sad #it: you should smile about working to be clean :) #me: time to fucking frown

[hasitreallycometothis]

I!!! HATE!!! MY!!! BODY!!! SO!!! FUCKING!!! MUCH!!!

[hasitreallycometothis]

(not my photo)

[hasitreallycometothis]

Having a breakdown in the Jack in the Box drive thru may not be my lowest point, but it’s pretty close to it

#selfhate #self hate #sad thoughts #self deprecating humor #like yeah almost tried to game end myself before #but not at a drive thru #it’s a bit funny in hindsight

[hasitreallycometothis]

I hate how my brain always tries to find a way to make me upset at myself

#sad thoughts #selfhate #self hate

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw// scars, self harm

Have you ever wanted to just roll you sleeves up???? Wear those short shorts???? And have no one bat an eye??? Like yes the scars are super apparent but no one mentions it, just a nonverbal air of understanding and moving on from it

#self harm #selfharm #lately i’ve been having that urge to do that around my friends #they casually talk about their problems #but i have never talked about mine #though I guess I would rather keep it that way #so long sleeves I go

[hasitreallycometothis]

#sad thoughts #sad memes #selfhate #self hate #depressing #oh my gosh #i do this waaaayyyy too often #it’s basically my morning ritual

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw// scars, sh mention

I heal pretty fast. Cuts made weeks ago are basically gone by then. It’s pretty conflicting though. On one hand, yay no permanent scarring !! And no awkward conversations !! But at the same time, it feels bad, seeing all that pain “go to waste.” It’s like it’s a sign that I need to do more, to suffer more, to never be scar-free

#selfharm #self harm #scars #sad #sad thoughts

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw// disordered eating (?) meanspo (??)

I hate that I eat. I just want to starve and lose weight immediately. But nooooo the human body has to have “survival instincts” and “requirement of food.” At least when I’m sad I don’t eat, but the second I feel my mood rise my self control breaks down to eat. I just wanna be so skinny and dainty, fragile even. But no instead I’m just a fat fuck

#? because idk if it counts but better safe than sorry #not pro just using tags #thinspo #meanspo #disordered eating tw #eating disoder thoughts #selfhate #self hate

[hasitreallycometothis]

Tw// self harm

Is it really a relapse if you didn’t even try to stay clean?

#sad #selfhate #self harm #selfharm