iridescentpoet

[iridescentpoet]

This sadness inside

it cannot hide,

so I drift with the tide

and abide

to the darkness I always find:

this inner bind

of my mind

it has no light being shined;

please help me find

the light.

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[iridescentpoet]

Last night I took a knife held it to my stomach and I froze. The voices screamed cut, cut deep, kill yourself. Was it them or was it me? I’ve seemed to have lost myself in the midst of them. In all the noise, all the hate, all the questioning. Why do I believe? Why do I believe in God, in love, in hope? Why do I believe that things will get better? Breathe in, breathe out- will this be my last breathe? Will the last thought I ever have be “why can’t I love myself?” It was in the questioning that I realized how truly frightened I am. To live, to die, to breathe, to stop being. If I’m afraid then what’s the point? Aren’t you suppose to face your fears? They never tell you which ones they mean. Should I face the fear of life after death? Should I face the fear of living alone? Should I face the fear of never knowing what my life could have been, or should I keep going?

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