jellymadaster

[jellymadaster]

Funky lil tonberry. Used the shiny figure my partner got for me as a reference 🥺💕💕💕

#art #illustration #my art #traditional illustration #traditional art #gouache #tonberry #final fantasy

[jellymadaster]

the hardest thing about chronic pain to me is how it makes me doubt my own brain.

I have chronic pain. specifically chronic migraines. and the hard thing about that, or neurological pain in general, or really just so fucking many different chronic pain conditions, is there is no proof.

there's no scan a doctor can do to show my pain level or symptoms. you can't look at my head and go "huh, looks fucked up, probably a 8/10 pain." absolutely everything I experience, in order to be understood by a medical professional or even just anyone really, has to be self-recognized and self reported.

and that requires so many steps and levels of trust. like just to fucking start, I have to be aware that the invisible thing I am experiencing is not a thing everyone feels! which again, fucking invisible! Then I have to be aware it's happening at all, which sounds basic but with chronic shit is not. I had to explain to a doctor this week that I do not know if I ever experience "normal" or low-level headaches, because I'm so used to severe migraines that anything below that doesn't register. Sometimes it even takes hours for me to notice I'm having a migraine!

and then I have to be able to assess my own pain, judge how bad it really is, when after nine fucking years my scale is goddamn broken. and the longer I've had a migraine, the further out of whack it goes. I have to recognize and categorize my symptoms, one of which is fucking brain fog, and I have to communicate these very nebulous and abstract concepts to other people.

And then. And then they have to actually believe me. I have to convince them I'm not lying, I'm not looking for attention or drugs or pity or excuses. with zero hard proof, just my words. and then it cycles, because if people doubt my pain, I start to doubt my own experiences. I start to think I'm being a wimp, I'm faking it, I can try harder. so then I downplay it, so then I think it's fine, so I push through it, and this works great until I am fully fucking incapacitated.

and then people are shocked and surprised because I "look healthy."

it has taken fucking years for me to accept that what I am experiencing is real and people who doubt me can go fuck themselves. and it's still very much a work in progress. every single day.

but my pain is real. and so is yours. and people who doubt us can, to reiterate, go fuck themselves.

[jellymadaster]

Thanks again to @cubist-pancake for commissioning me! 🌜

[jellymadaster]

Just some silly drawings of some ships I love. That's all there is to it lol

[jellymadaster]

Saw 女王蜂/QUEEN BEE last weekend and I'm still thinking about it😵‍💫💕💕

#queen bee #ziyoou vachi #art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration

[jellymadaster]

Past/Future

#art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration

[jellymadaster]

when this happened in rebirth i was so surprised.... somehow i never got spoiled about cloud being influenced by sephiroth like this in my 20+ years online lol

#ff7 rebirth spoilers #ff7

[jellymadaster]

🥺

(Pose referenced from @adorkastock )

#art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration #final fantasy #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ff7 #ffvii #ffviir #ff7r #tifa lockhart #aerith gainsborough #cloud strife

[jellymadaster]

THE EEL DEAL

[jellymadaster]

Was excited to find a local art store and got some guache to try for the first time, and some sweet black watercolor paper I'm excited to use more of.

#art #illustration #my art #guache #little goody two shoes #elise #lebkuchen

[jellymadaster]

when i say 'i want worse graphics' ppl assume i mean 'i want stylyzed instead of realistic' then get mad at me for saying it wrong (???) so let me be clear:

i want worse graphics. i want the models topology to be a bit off, i want the rigging to have a few verts mis-weighted, i want the final model to not be accurate to the concept art cuz it would have been too labor intensive to make the scarf that long. i want the shading to do the thing where a real time character shadow is casting on top of another baked in shadow. i want whatever eases the devs workload and prevents crunch so they can go home to their loved ones and actually enjoy their life outside of work

and im not kidding

[jellymadaster]

#art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration #final fantasy #ff16 #ffxvi #final fantasy 16 #final fantasy xvi #clive rosfield #jill warrick

[jellymadaster]

Plants

[jellymadaster]

"The history of our world."

#art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration #harvestella #aria #dianthus #space

[jellymadaster]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[jellymadaster]

Template from @crimson-chains 💕 Lines by me, colors by my partner @ i_am_bokeh (on instagram)

#art #digital art #illustration #my art #digital illustration #original art #original character #oc #oc art #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gay art

[jellymadaster]

Emo from Harvestella 💙💙💙

#art #illustration #my art #traditional illustration #traditional art #alcohol markers #copics #harvestella #emo #siren