riverschaos

[riverschaos]

this is so important.

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Yo gaba gaba was posting a throwback to the every snowflake is different video on their TikTok, hot topic posted the glow in the dark mcr shirt, Frank Iero was spotted in a restaurant near a recording studio, and mcr was spotted in la. You know what this could mean? This could mean mcr5 is gonna be real and coming sooner than we expect…

[riverschaos]

I’ve been going to therapy.

Here is a look into my mind as I process grief, processing the reality of the disorders I love with and the disparities that come with that, a switch in academic majors to one far more challenging than my prior, release my trauma, and recognize the behavioral patterns that aren’t suiting me.

I needed to share this vulnerability because I felt others might relate.

One single day.

I don’t know when, what exactly had caused it, or why I had chosen to… but one day I had just decided I wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t ever get there because I told myself I wouldn’t. I believed I wasn’t deserving of friends so I destroyed the ones I had. I consistently felt pinned down by the same emotions, emotions that were derived from my direct, chaotic environment. If my school life was a mess, my room had to match. Chaos became comfort, and calm became a warning sign that radiated through my body like magma. I created problems for myself because feeling calm wasn’t a privilege I felt worthy of. Why, when I know rationally that I would have more time if I simply did the task, did I consistently push it off? Why, despite having my own pocket of weirdos that are desperately trying to show me that they care, do I convince myself that we simply clash too much to be friends? I tell myself I’m too awkward to speak, that I’ll mess things up. This keeps me isolated, so I can’t even try. The longer I go without trying to extend a hand, the worse my anxiety regarding people becomes. How will I learn to speak without making mistakes? It’s unfair that I have to learn this while my neurotypical peers come encoded with this knowledge like it was a piece of old technology. However, I can do nothing at all to change it, so I have to decide that it can’t stop me. I am often told I’m stubborn… and I believe that’s incredibly true when I sit and consider why my mind clings to these memories that I know don’t serve me. When I’m stuck on a thought that does nothing but spin like a cycle on a washing machine, and I know better. I know that to dwell on that joke that didn’t land will only worsen my cycle. It will only exhaust me further and take up energy I don’t have. Energy that I can invest in being genuinely happy. Choosing, every day, that happy enough can be happy. To consciously rewire my mind until it recognizes that I am safe. I can make that choice, to start all over again and to invest in the peace I deserve, the peace that the wounded parts of me crave. It will be scary, and emotional, and ridiculously hard work… but it will serve me. And I’ll no longer be the reason behind my own misery. When my uniformed hand gets to land on the nose of that stingray, I know I’ll have made it. And I can do that… I just need to choose it one day at a time. Just one single day and soon it’ll be here.

#mental illness #mental health #mental heath support #positive mental attitude #mentalheathawareness #neurodivergencies #neuordiversity #actually adhd #actually neurodivergent #actually mentally ill #actually autistic #actually traumatized #actually ptsd #original poem #journal #mental heath awareness #motivating myself #motivatingwords #motivatedmindset #overcome

[riverschaos]

Now the question is… where’s foxy. We got our answer for Bonnie, where’s my pirate (or cowboy in that part of the dlc)

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YEEHAW !!! HE LOOKS SO CUTE I CANT

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Just played security breach ruin for the second time.

And can I just say, as a foxy fan, it upsets me that everyone is too busy focused on Bonnie and yet no one cares about the fact Foxy clearly exists as a separate character to roxy and yet...where is he? What happened to him? What happened to kids cove?

Where is my foxy

[riverschaos]

You do not have to wait to be 'called' to worship a god.

You do not have to wait until you've seen a dozen signs or omens. You can see 100 and still feel unsure of yourself.

Desire to worship is enough.

Desire to learn from the gods is enough.

Desire to love them is enough.

If you're new to this kind of spirituality, you need to be patient with yourself and give yourself some grace. Looking for signs everywhere will tire you. It will burn you out. More than anything, if you wait to be called, you may perceive lack of communication as rejection and never pursue it at all. You don't have to miss out waiting on something. Sometimes, the initiative on your part is just calling enough. Do it. If it feels right, keep doing it.

If you have love to give, why not give it?

If you've been at this a long time, don't lose heart because you think the gods aren't paying attention. If you want to worship, DO IT. Why not?

Don't wait for signs just to second guess yourself a hundred times and never make a move.

And trust me, I understand that you're afraid of doing it wrong. Do it genuinely. Take it slow, be deliberate. You don't need to master it right away. You don't need an expensive altar. You don't need fancy candles. You don't need a statue. Don't let life pass you by waiting for the money to buy the materials you feel like you have to have in order to be respectful.

The gods don't mind if you're poor or nervous or tired, and they don't mind if you are in a living situation where you can't have those sacred spaces.

Approach. Speak. They will hear you.

[riverschaos]

It’s taking a lot of effort to not block anyone tagging my art as q slur.

It sounds like a lot of you might might need to learn some queer history. Which is fine - there is no shame in learning our history. We don’t get taught it- you have to go and specifically look for it.

It’s also important to note- Every single lgbtqia+ community label has been thrown back at us as slur. There isn’t a single one that homophobic, transphobic people haven’t used in a derogatory way. If we collectively decided to call ourselves Humans as our only lgbtqia+ label - no doubt there would be hateful people screaming back at us. Those types of people hate us - and no matter how sanitized, and pure - and free from any stigma you present your queer self - they will still hate us.

Queer was strategically chosen as an umbrella term during the protests in the late 1980 & 90s. If you’re not aware of the AIDS crisis- please learn about it. It was brutal -and the disgusting response from the government, conservatives, religious extremists was - they were happy that it was happening. They let hundreds of thousands of queer people die because they thought we deserved it. It was a truly horrific medical emergency that was purposefully ignored for many years.

So “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going to disappear.” became one of the slogans people would yell during marches and protests.

Queer was chosen because it wasn’t sterilized, sanitized, it wasn’t an assimilated, quiet version of being lgbtqia+. It was fucking in your face queer.

You couldn’t ignore it- we weren’t going to hide away in shame, or keep things wrapped up in secret like previous generations. Homophobic , transphobic people had to deal with the fact that queer people existed- and would always exist & there was nothing they could do or say to change that.

Because that’s exactly what they wanted. They wanted assimilation, or total nonexistence of all queer people. And unfortunately they still do.

Which is why seeing “the q slur” is so messed up. It’s giving that sanitized, reagan administration evangelical morality - homophobic, transphobic people everything they had hoped for. A fear based response of - if I make make myself as palatable as possible will you finally respect me?

Here is an amazing photo by Dan Nicolette that I think encapsulates that idea of what queer meant. I’m not going disappear, make myself easier for you homophobes to digest.

[riverschaos]

gasboss pisass girlfuck

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[riverschaos]

i too make the windows startup noise when i get enough sun

[riverschaos]

“W A L L - E” // Jack Kuss

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@PagingMrMorrow

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Wall-e concept art by Ralph Eggleston, Shaun Tan, Noah Klocek and Dan Holland

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GIFTOBER 2022 ✿ DAY 2: DAYLIGHT

[riverschaos]

I’m on a kick of remembering just how fucking fantastic Wall-E is as a film. The tiniest details in the animation, the Foley effects, the production stories, the deleted scenes, the humanization of robots who hardly say a dozen words the entire film…… it’s a cinematic masterpiece and such an underrated film. Please tell me there are people in 2022 who still adore this movie.

#wall e #walle #wall-e #does this movie even have a fandom #cinematic masterpiece #dumb robot #wall e and eve #disney pixar #pixar animation studios

[riverschaos]

God theyre so gay