#{ im sorry this going to make me cry so much }

[starkeysprincess]

rafe is the type where if you gently try to tell him that he’s a little selfish in bed he’ll “make it up to you” (he says that sarcastically) by tying you to the bed and making you cum over and over again with his fingers, mouth, even a few of those toys you thought he didn’t know about and ruining them for you but not his cock no matter how bad you’re crying because you “clearly didn’t appreciate it before” 🙂‍↕️

wait, i love this cause he would pull this shit fs warnings: slightly mean!rafe, light bondage, mentions of overstimulation, oral (f receiving), fingering, use of vibrator & i think that's it ??? a/n: sorry this is short, im working on assignments but i wanted to write this & post it as soon as you sent this earlier so sorry if this is shitty

"i'll make it up to you" were the exact words that left his mouth, leaving you to believe he was going to be gentle with you but you should've known better by the cocky little smirk on his face.

maybe telling your boyfriend that he's a little selfish in bed probably wasn't your best idea because it led you to your current situation, which was having your wrists tied to the headboard of your bed, your legs pried open and his face buried between your legs.

you attempted to close your legs but his large hands pinned your thighs down to your bed, squirming under him, on the verge of your third or fourth orgasm but at this point, you're not sure because you lost count.

your brain is fuzzy, the only thing you really remember is how many times he made you cum with his fingers and now he's determined to make you cum again but with his mouth instead. he's enjoying the sight of you writhing just from his mouth and he chuckles against your dripping cunt as you cry out, cumming on his tongue.

your eyes shut, trying to control your breathing as you're relieved when he pulls away and moves away, your legs trembling and clit throbbing from the previous orgasms. he admires your panting, trembling form for a few seconds and your eyes spring open when you feel a familiar vibration against your clit.

you look between him and your vibrator that was in his hand with wide eyes. "what? didn't think i'd know about this, huh?" he grins, pressing the vibrator further against your clit, "you can never hide anything from me, princess".

he pushes two of his fingers inside of you causing you to gasp while he continued to toy with your clit with the vibrator, increasing the speed the more you whined and whimpered.

you're not sure how much more you can take and all you want is to feel his cock inside of you. "r-rafe" you stammered out, your voice shaking, tears welling in your eyes. "r-rafe" he mimicked, his eyes glued to yours as he's pushing his fingers in and out of you, curling them.

he sets the vibrator to its highest setting, making your tears stream down your face, "so fuckin' pretty when you're cryin' for me" he grins. "p-please" you stutter, "what is it, baby?" he hummed, "n-need you inside of me" you plead.

"no can do, baby, just giving you what you want, what you desperately need" he teases, "thought i'd make it easy for you?" he tsked, "you clearly didn't appreciate my cock so i gotta show you what happens when you call me selfish".

tagging: @oceandriveab / @babygorewhore / @xxbimbobunnyxx / @drudyslut / @drewstarkeyslut / @rafescurtainbangz / @hallecarey1 / @heartsforvin / @redhead1180 / @eddieslut69 / @eternalbuckley / @kisses4angel / @hyperfixationgirl / @emilysuperswag / @ihe4rttwd / @42internetgirl / @lilacheavenn / @monkichixo / @rafesthroatbaby / @zyafics / @sturnioloshacker / @dragonslutsblog

#not my best work 😅 #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron smut #rafe x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #outer banks smut #outer banks blurb #obx smut #obx fic #rafe cameron fic

[ellieanddinacanlitstabme]

SPIDERMAN!ELLIE X CRAZY RICH!READER PT2

I act went to make a research but i didn't understand shit so its js gonna be a random villain (the first one to pop on google)who js so happens to be a student at their school and js so happens to take a group of ppl as hostage , in which including reader, i also DONT know how to write fight scenes

So to my research vulture is a man that wants to have a "second life"(he js wants youth) and he has this gun that can take other ppl youth and hes a rly good engineer and has made(?) those wings that can let him fly rly precisely(?) and hes also rly fast and reminder,the last spiderman movie ive seen was years ago

credits: -dividers: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

-pics: pinterest!!

🚩: mdni, fem reader, bad grammar, bad writing ,this isnt accurate,tell me if more

DAILY CLICK pt1

"yeah and i also found this really weird-" ring

she picks up the phone "hello?...right now?!...fuck"

"..again?"

"yeah...sorry"

"fuck you Ellie " you thought as you watched her run out of the school

.

.

"students please head home, Vulture has now left the area"

"cmon let's go!" James basically dragged you by your arm, what was he, a chimpanzee? Probably have a bruise on your arm now

You and James were hiding behind the lockers, at least you were... That boy was half out. You two were looking around and you literally saw a Vulture's shoulder through the window on the door and yet James decided to just kill you both and drag you out just screaming.

"Finally! That guy is UGLY!!" As he grabbed you by your fresh bruise.

As soon as you two got out Vulture dragged James by his arms and then discovered that you were the little +1, two birds one stone i guess.

He took you to an abandoned building and tied you together with another bunch of people.

Now what do you do? Do you just die?

You desperately looked around,tears forming in your eyes .

Vulture walked around the batch of teenagers in circles with a weird, massive gun in his hands.

He soon shot multiple people with it and quickly looked much younger .

As he was about to shoot the person next to you someone stopped him.

"VULTURE" She looked at the hostages, noticing you "fuck.."

At this point she didn't give a fuck about the city, she just wants to get you out of here.

Vulture ran towards Ellie,currently in her spiderman costume , trying to hit her multiple times with the gun.

Ellie quickly moved back, dodging the shots and jumping under the building and quickly followed by the man.

She threw webs at him while trying to grab the gun.

After a while she finally gets the un on the ground and as she was hitting it with webs trying to destroy it , yet Vulture quickly flew to her , pushing her to the ground .

He was punching her, the steel armor making his fists stronger and harder, his weight on her stopping from hitting back. She tried to get her arm out by rocking around while also trying to avoid the attacks and when she finally did she shot towards his eyes. Vulture backed up quickly,not being able to see. She took the chance and wrapped a thick web around him trapping him.

She checked so that he couldn't get out and quickly contacted joel and the others to come get him as she was getting up the building .

Every other of the people that were tied to you were either sleeping from tiredness from crying or fainted from fear. As you were about to close your eyes too you saw Spiderman,or Ellie,running towards you.

She took off the mask as it was now into pieces, her nose bleeding and just different bruises on her body and face.

"for fuck sake.." she mumbled

"Ellie?" You said before giving in into sleepiness

Ellie untied you and picked you up and bought you to her place

"mhm.. Ellie?"

"hey.." she hugged you closer

You saw your phone on the bedside table so you reached to grab it

"it's 10 am"

She ignored you and continued to sleep

You both woke up at 3pm when Joel walked in and jokes about the both of you, even though you were sleeping.

"im gonna make a sandwich you want one?"

You nodded as you were brushing your hair with one of the pastel pink brush that you left over years ago

You sat down as the plate was set on the table

The room was silent, she wasn't sure if you were conscious when she ran to you the day before and you didn't know what to say

"hey.."

"what are we?"

"..."

"what do you want us to be?"

"...what about you?"

"lovers."

THIS IS SO MID OMG I HATE THIS STOP ITS SO AWKWARD AND BAD AND SHI

#tlou #the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #spiderman!ellie

[spideysbruh]

your song

liked by tchalamet, rachelzegler, yourfriend and 1,828,277 others

y/n thank you London!!! 'twas a good show innit?? 😁😁💕💕💕🫶🫶

view all 47,287 comments

ynxflo girl stop. (I love you im sorry)

ynscurtains well she's def timmys girlfriend !!!

tchalamet 'twas the best concert I've ever been to, luv!

y/n you so get me, luv

tchalamet absolutely beautiful gorgeous amazing spectacular best girl ever

y/n liked

lifetimeyn timmy is always so down bad 😭

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- mi estrella

liked by tchalamet, florencepugh and 1,635,177 others

y/n home 💕

view all 32,827 comments

tchalamet i love seeing you on stage more than anything else

y/n I miss you.

rocketyn can't wait for your show next week🙏🏼🙏🏼

loveyn grammy nominations tmrw 😳😳😳

y/n just posted a story!

caption- he surprised meeeee 🥺😭😭💕💕💕🫶🫶🫶

y/n just posted a story!

caption- IM GRAMMY NOMINATED?!?!?? I can't stop crying

liked by chappellroan, tchalamet and 2,188,299 others

y/n forever and ever grateful for everything. these nominations mean so much to me. I never thought in a million years I would be graced with a nomination, let alone three! so incredibly happy. i cannot stop crying, thank you thank you thank you.

comments on this post have been limited

view all 45 comments

tchalamet I'm so proud of you. your reaction was the greatest thing ever.

liked by y/n

oliviarodrigo YOU DESERVE ITTT 💕💕

y/n YOU DO TOO LIV I LOVE YOU FOREVERRR

rachelzegler AHHHH I LOVE YOU MY BEST FRIEND IS SO TALENTED

liked by y/n

florencepugh CONGRATULATIONS MY PRETTYYY

liked by y/n

liked by y/n, florencepugh and 3,727,788 others

tchalamet this beautiful girl is nominated for three grammys!!! proud is an understatement. I have seen her stay up late, wake up early and not even sleep to finish a song, video or her album, the most dedicated artist I know. I am so lucky to see your process from beginning to end. the most deserving person there is.

view all 97,277 comments

y/n my muse

timmysgf girl I guess...

karmayn HE'S NOT GOING TO DATE YOU

honeymoonyn crying. i need a bf

y/n just posted a story!

caption- it's moments like these with my favorite people during a time like this that make me so incredibly appreciative 💕

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- she serenaded me today😍😍

liked by dualipa, tchalamet, sabrinacarpenter and 3,828,288 others

y/n did a cover of one of my favorite songs of all time. 'your song' by the one and only Sir Elton John cover is now available to view on youtube!

view all 87,727 comments

lovelyyn THE WAY SHE STARTS SINGING AND SHES LOOKONG RIGHT AT TIMMY OMFGGG

laurieslaurence ik they didn't rly show him, but you KNOW timmy was sitting in that room too with the amount of times she looked in that corner LMAOO

kingsyn my fave cover

horroryn you gotta sing this song when you're truly in love. that's why this one sounds so beautiful 😭😭💕

tchalamet so lucky I got to see this in person

eltonjohn wow!

liked by y/n

y/n just posted a story!

caption- the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

liked by y/n, sza, florencepugh and 4,288,388 others

tchalamet grammys with my one and only.

comments on this post have been limited

#timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee x reader #timothee imagine #timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet au #timothee chalamet x you #timothee fanfic #timothée chalamet imagine #timothée chalamet x reader #timothée imagine #timothée x reader #timothée chalamet smau #timothee chalamet smau

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Hi! I was wondering if you would write head canons of baldwin and reader getting into an argument, I remember reading another fanfiction from nebbyy and her head canons of Baldwin and reader fighting, it was super interesting and Im wondering if you could also do them? I would love if the reader was a hot headed person and didnt give in quickly, thank you🫶🏼

☆ Headcanons: Baldwin x Reader - Arguments ☆

☆ Headcanons ☆

A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you for the request! I love doing headcanons haha, I hope this is what you had in mind 😊. As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy, Arguments

It is not often the both of you argue, but when you do it is never very heated. From Baldwin’s side at least.

He hates getting mad at you and it takes a real lot to do so.

Yelling at you would hurt him more than it would hurt you so he does it as little as possible.

I can imagine him getting into arguments with his s/o mostly about him pushing himself too far with his duties. You can't stand to see him pushing himself too hard on account of his disease and he tries to push you off about it, insisting that he is fine until he ends up collapsing.

But you are relentless about the subject.

You're not the kind to back down easily and as much as he loves that about you, it is the cause of a fair few disagreements.

Because of this, he is often the one backing down first. You are the only person who could ever make this man surrender.

He just loves you too much to fight.

After the two of you come to an agreement, he insists to do something nice with you, just to relax.

This could be a bath together or just going for a walk in the courtyard, after you both cool off first.

He is insistent on apologizing first and as hot headed as you can be, you can't resist his adorable charm.

Eventually you give in and apologize too, even though he insists it's not your fault, no matter what the disagreement was about.

This makes you feel bad but you don't tell him that, instead you just make sure to treat him really nicely which he is grateful for.

He can't resist a nice head scratch after such chaos.

If the argument was very heated and Baldwin did end up shouting (which would be very rare), the regret would be instant.

You would be taken aback by him raising his voice, since he is usually so calm with you and he would be shocked himself.

He would instantly forget whatever you two were arguing about and apologize.

Since you yourself are not the calmest person and not very sensitive either, this would hardly bother you. More just surprise you instead.

He's more likely the one to start crying and begging for you to forgive him than anything else.

“My sweet angel, I’m so sorry- I don't know what came over me please forgive me”

Of course you forgive him

He needs plenty of reassurance for the rest of the day that you aren't angry at him <3

#king baldwin iv #king baldwin iv x reader #king baldwin x reader #king baldwin x you #king baldwin #kingdom of heaven #king baldwin iv x oc #kingdom of heaven fandom #the leper king #kingdom of heaven 2005 #baldwin iv #baldwin #koh fandom #koh

[chonnysinferno]

the going thru it guy

also somewthing that i cant explain. yea like only one person could get what this is referencing

#chonny jash #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cj mind #cj heart #yeag.... #kind of made this because.. im going thru it rn #alos i project onto heart a lot. uhmmm! #also also this isnt me like. making him the crying sad guy or qwtv i just think he handlkes breakdowns like me (refer to prev tag) and uhhm #just fucking curls upinto a ball #mind wont touch it cause he knows heart needs the space but will sometimes try to like. pat him????? #as a way to signal a kind of “im here for you if you need anything btw but i wont forceyou to talk tome if youre not ready” #(thats why theres a cord there ilike mind having a cord tail thingie hes patting heart 2with that cord thingie) #anywyas need more mind comforting heartin my life. isw that so much toask for /j #sorry for the long rant i just like talkingf about this stuff

[koobiie]

fanart for what may be my favorite fic of all time, Running Behind by @asidian! here's prompto enjoying all the foods from the fic beacuse he deserves it <3

#ffxv #prompto argentum #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #im going to be wild in the tags here for a moment. this fic makes me CRRRRRRRAZZZZZZEYYYYYYYYYYYYY #like barking snarling yowling tearing up dirt with my hands taking bites out of the drywall #its like old at this point but every couple of years i remember it and im like well here i go again! and reread it in a several hour sprint #and then scream and cry nad throw up cause i love it soooo so much #seriously i recommend it so sohard . honestly even if you dont like ffxv #ultimate hurt comfort fic checks off all my boxes 11/10 explodeing #oh yes also the art is here. yea i got carried away drawing the foods jfkdslhglks #hi author if you read these tags im sorry for pinging you about your fic that came out like. 7 years ago #but ive been meaning to make fanart for it for sooooo long cause i love it and i finally got around to it lol #koob art #digital art #im going to be pissed if theres a food i forgot to include lmao #anyways yea i <3 prompo my scrinkly winkly crunkly doo he deserfes happines. im going to disappear into the sunset now

[spongewormedpants]

There is something so real and genuine about Michael Holden and Tori Spring, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it :-)

#solitaire #michael holden #tori spring #they are the only people who exist to me #they make me sick………….. #I WILL BLOW THEM UP. #im going to cry #these tags are a rollercoaster of emotions sorry #i hope they die i love them so much i hope they live and die and smile and laugh and cry and and and #okay im done bye

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go? #should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you. #on the other hand it will be the last time i see you. #and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore? #im going to be alone for so much of my life. #i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more. #how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true. #sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again. #talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it? #how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath.... #i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him. #i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore. #i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone. #and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter. #i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

[oatbugs]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago. #(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year) #(hed come across the bridge on a lake) #we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared. #it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much. #and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine. #she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

[lilithequeenofhell]

13 for argumentative

STARTER CALLS ☄. *. ⋆ 13. Argumentative

❝Why would you do that?❞ Lilith asked, ❝you know that heaven is out for our heads and you allow Charlie to go to Heaven?❞

Lilith, having just returned from her excursion, learned of what had happened recently after the siege of the Hotel during the last extermination. She was, in a word, distraught, to learn that her daughter had been to Heaven.

❝Lucifer, what were you thinking?❞ Lilith sighed, ❝she could have been in danger.❞

#— (☆ic☆) #— (☆ask starters☆) #🥀 lilith #hazbin hotel #hazbin lilith #lilith hazbin hotel #lilithequeenofhell #hazbin ask blog #hazbin hotel rp #{ ooc } #{ im sorry this going to make me cry so much }

[i-miss-lotor]

So I romanced Astarion and let him ascend and I'm not going to lie, I always had a bit of a hate towards people who look down on me and call me or well, my characters, pet and such. And Astarion didn't change that, especially with the degradation part

But

Imagining the future where my character slowly becomes miserable with Astarion because while he does love her, he doesn't see her as his equal. And I mean even if you want to break up with him after the ascension and defeated brain he just doesn'tlet you (though im not there yet, i just read it somewhere). Imagining him slowly becoming furious, compelling my character to do things, to love him and then anger turns into desperation and hell, he just wants her, what can he do to make her love him again, what does she want, he will give it to her

Anyway I just want them to be happy, then miserable, then to slowly learn to love each other again with Astarion begrudgingly being a tiny bit nicer to others (cause my character mostly likes being nice but also she was an urchin, she's not above blackmail and deception and such. Ohh plus she's a bard, imagine Astarion wanting her to sing again but she doesn't so he makes her and it just breaks the trust again and again

And a scene where she escapes and then Astarion finds her and brings hell with him and kills whoever decided to help her and he's slowly breaking her spirit from the strong and defying woman she was, not realising at first that it's breaking him too.

(I especially like that little movement, swinging himself a bit when you ask if you can talk about your relationship with him and he responds "yes, my treasure?" *happy swingies, he's so happy and cute* and then cuts to him being angry and desperate and sad that his love doesn't look at him with adoration anymore, that the look he receives is not even angry but empty)

And the realization that oh no, did he became another Cazador? But no, he is better than him, he doesn't treat you like he was treated! ...does he?

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #idk what tav stands for so uh #also im just a sucker for... well i guess i can call this redemption? #sorry my thoughts just went haywire with the act 3 romance scene and i had to let it out #even if it is on tumblr #hhh i want to leave the bots are so annoying but im not going to twitter fuck that #ah wait i realised what words i was looking for! #its not redemption although i very much like that too #its me breaking him #i love when arrogant overpowered beings lose something and desper then finally realise they have to change #i want to make astarion cry like he did over cazador's corpse #it was heartbreaking and beautiful and it would be so delicious if it was over his lover #the first person he ever truly cared about - gone and empty because of Him

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

#ganondoodles talks #personal #sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day #got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already #and crying over undertales music #how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit #also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy #BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME #I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is #my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random #.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better #bc it sets limits for me #it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods #idk if that made sense either #... i need to start drinking more #(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am) #(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE) #and there i go letting my thoughts spin further #maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place

[strawberrybabydog]

for me, some level of trauma related to being the least-favourite child is directly related to playing videogames and boredom

growing up my younger sister got handed the SNES controller and i didnt. she played with my parents and by herself and i watched but didnt play. sometimes this was because i wasnt allowed and other times i thought it was a choice, even though, my choice was because i didnt know how to play and if i asked my mom would have said "really? you want me to start a whole new save file JUST for you?" and i would have quietly said nevermind, and remembered not to ask ever again

when we got a wii, for my sister's birthday she got 2 wii games. for my birthday i got decorations even though i was too young to understand what a decoration is and i just tried playing with them (emphasis on try). sometimes i would come home from school and my sister would have a random gift (something i never got) - another wii game! because it was on sale at blockbuster, and oh sorry Luna, we didnt get anything for you because they didnt have anything you would like.

by the end of our wii, i had 1 wii game that was mine - i chose whenever i wanted to play it, for how long, and if anyone else wanted to play it they had to ask. that was the rules, because it was mine. my younger sister has 11 wii games.

when i was in middle school, i was not allowed to get a better (real) console. it was too expensive. plus, we have the wii, it works perfectly fine, just play on that. m...my one game? that i've been playing since i was 9? that i've 100%'d 5 times? yes.

when i was in highschool i wasnt allowed to have money, especially not to spend online. "luckily" i met an internet friend who was a hacker and sold what he claimed to be abandoned steam accounts. he gave me one for free. i played stardew valley and oblivion religiously, because my laptop was built in 2010 and could barely handle the lowest graphics settings of a game several years older than it. it ended up getting double-hacked so after a year of using it, i once again had no more videogames

now im an adult and i just... cant play videogames. basically none of them. after abut 30 minutes of playing i get so anxious that i have to stop. i havent played stardew valley in about 2 years, my favourite game of all time that i used to stay up until 8am playing.

the game loads, and im anxious because i forget the controls. i walk up to an npc and get anxious because if i dont pick the perfect dialogue tree, im failing myself by not being perfect, so i'll pause the game and go on my phone for 10 minutes to find the answer (i HATE doing this.) i approach a puzzle and im anxious because what if im not smart enough to solve it and i fail again? i need to check if anyone's in the room with me now because if anyone is watching me play they'll know i'm a failure too so i should stop playing. but, videogames are communal (they must be,) i have only ever experienced playing them with someone else there (watching sibling/parents play, watching youtube letsplays) but if someone else sees me fail i'm the worst person ever. and i mean, realistically, how do you even play a videogame for more than 1 hour? how do focus on 1 thing for that long? sounds fake to me

but... i want to play videogames. i know they're experiences. and i want to have experiences. especially because as a disabled person my only other option is youtube. so if i'm not playing videogames, i'm bored out of my skull laying in bed, doing nothing, staring at my youtube screen watching the exact same video essay for the 6th or 7th time this week because the algorythm's only other choice is "perfect damascus steel knife blade DIY"

other than youtube, what am i supposed to do? i cant play videogames - i'm not perfect at them, i cant focus, and i just dont deserve them. there is nothing else.

#and im not even touching on how this has othered me socially #i had to go to high school and listen to my friends talk about playing soulsborne while i had to go home and play fucking #my sims kingdom for the wii. that was my game. that was the 1 game i had #i didnt even choose it either. or ask for it. or know what it was. my parents bought it because it was in the fucking clearance bin #once again i should emphasize that there was no reason for them to treat me this way at fucking all #i am autistic but i am also like very fucking normal. painfully so #i was especially a very normal child #but in their brains they just see me as the RWord and that's enough justification to not give me things that i need or make me happy #sorry for posting this on this blog i pretty much have 1 friend and she talks to me like once a week lol #personal #not dog #parental trauma #yes im including this as trauma btw i literally cry when faced with the task of playing a video game i literally panic #there's also something to be said about growing up in a hypermisogynistic environment and how living with 1 male and 1 TV #makes me immediately give up videogame powers to him. like. why am i playing the tv im a girl he's in charge He should be playing videogame #big shout out to the 0 people who will read this entire post why tf am i posting this oh riiighhht i have no friends. ok tumblr post now

[uriekukistan]

ugh im starting school again tmrw and i am like. not mentally ready at all

#what if i just didnt finish my degree #what if i just dropped out #school has been crushing the joy out of everything i love for years im so sick and tired #i wanted to go into research actually but now looking at anything like that makes me want to cry #and i hate how a subject i loved SO MUCH makes me sick with how much i hate/dread it #sorry for ranting im just #.

[coridallasmultipass]

Goddddd, Dorothy is waifu for laifu, I s2g. Can't wait to see what conditional saviour bullshit she pulls from this stunt.

#not starting the next chapter yet ive been playing too long already today #but damn i was so excited as soon as i saw the light beam like THATS MY WAIFU HELL YEAH #god i fucking love her so much this just overshadowed the current game event for me lmao #nikke #dorothy nikke #nikke goddess of victory #goddess of victory: nikke #goddess of victory nikke #nikke spoilers #i guess idk chapter 22 or 23 (idr) has been out for a while im just slow on playing the main story #i love my ice queen so much holy shit #i keep forgetting what her main outfit looks like bc i have the pink tea time skin equipped. theyre both so pretty ughhh #i want to use the main skin but im a ho for the pink skin cutscene and victory screen like ughhh the despair is so good #i need to replay over zone but ill cry and im not ready to cry about that again yet its too soon lol #i already played it like 4 times when the event was on #Cori.exe #Image.exe #brb tho making her my new phone bg lmao sorry v cyberpunk my waifu needs the spotlight rn #wish i had a higher quality screenshot i gotta go look for one