#( did y'all think i'd put these gifs to waste??

[littlemisspascal]

2023 & Me

Been thinking a lot these past few days about everything that's happened with me in 2023. Hard to believe it's coming to end--time seriously does fly 😮

There's been some heavy losses this year. Several family members passed away to illnesses and old age, including my grandfather who I had a strained relationship with to say the least. I also had a shocking family drama bomb dropped on me earlier this month that has had a huge ripple effect I'm still navigating, but fingers crossed things will find a way of working out for the best.

I had some severe mental health depression episodes throughout the year, made me reevaluate priorities and also doubt pretty much every choice I've ever made in life, but I do truly believe I'm entering 2024 in a positive mindset so that's something to be happy about :) I'mma try this crazy concept called self-love and not think the worst about me, myself, and I.

My writing took a hit this year. Word count wise, kudos wise, engagement wise--but I also made progress on several wips and even finished a few which is a big accomplishment for a snail writer like me 😊 I want to enter 2024 not feeling guilty for being self-indulgent or trying new kinds of writing styles. I also want to shake off the belief a low note count equals it was a bad fic/waste of time -- I don't believe that for anyone else, yet my brain always uses it as a weapon of insecurity against myself and enough is enough brain 😠 no more I say!

On a more positive note, I was fortunate enough to attend several conventions this year and improve my cosplay skills (2024 Ahsoka is gonna be my best look yet I just know it 😁). I got to meet total sweethearts Jon Bernthal and Charlie Cox, Steve Burns my childhood hero, the dear Jodi Benson, the gorgeous Rosario Dawson and beautiful Ming-Na Wen, and of course I can't ever forget Andrew Garfield 😱💗 And most importantly of all I did each these cons with my sister and made some lifelong memories! (Also bought a heckin lot of stickers. A heckin lot 🥰)

And then of course the crown jewel of 2023 1000% hands down was attending the United States Formula 1 Grand Prix. Good lord y'all it was one of the best weekends of my entire life! If you had asked me a couple years ago if I'd care about a sport--any sport--I'd have laughed in your face but there's just something so addictive and captivating about the world of F1 and its cast of characters. And having the luck of getting Alex Albon and Daniel Ricciardo's autographs on my dumb lil frog bucket hat was just *muffled screaming* I literally was a shaking mess lemme tell ya--just ask @beecastle and @undercoverpena who were there with me on my phone every step of the way 💜 thanks for putting up with my addiction y'all! Much much love to you both!!

AND THE FRIGGIN FACT SOMEONE GOT A PHOTO OF ME AND DANNY TOGETHER 🥺😭😭 NEVER BE OVER IT NOPE

There are so many people on here that made 2023 a bright and kind and fun one for me---@oonajaeadira @something-tofightfor @wheresarizona @trinkets01 @kyberblade @sofasoap @grogusmum @writeforfandoms @psychedelic-ink @kteague @prolix-yuy @wildemaven @the-blind-assassin-12 @practicalghost @gnpwdrnwhiskey @bishtrouille @nothoughtsjustmeds @kirsteng42 @miraclesabound @radiowallet @harriedandharassed @hopeamarsu and dozens dozens dozens more!

Thank you to everyone who's liked, reblogged, commented on my blog + sent me messages! I appreciate and love you all so much more than words can ever express 💜💗💙🧡

2024---let's bring it on! 🥳

#i have spoken

[multifandomwhore-003]

Enemies to lovers with JJ Maybank: Insults edition

Oh to be that blunt

Listen y'all, because I don't think I'm ever gonna release the fic, here are some "clever" insults and nicknames to use for your JJ Maybank fics, use them wisely, and please tag me to read what y'all do with them because I'm sure you guys would come up with really good shit, also if you do use them please just like or reblog this.

Anyway, here they are:

Dollar Tree's sad attempt of Brad Pitt

Oh my god, did you finally learn how to pole dance so I can call you stripper-tripper?

Failed launch of the limited edition stoner Ken that not even Barbie could love

How many JJ's does it take to screw a light bulb? Hmm, I don't know, but it only takes one to screw the whole island

Hophead is the only head you'll ever be good at

I see that your future won't be the only thing wasted

You know you actually have to be a good person to be spiderman? The inability to live without Mary Jane isn't the only thing that's required (he was gonna be dressed up as Spiderman in my fic so)

Leonardo Drinkaprio

Paul Wanker

Why are you working here anyways? Don't you charge for delivering STDs? Oh, wow, just when I thought I couldn't underestimate you more

You know, I always figured I'd see a rat on one of these boats eventually, but I never thought I'd see one who tried so hard to be a poorly made Chris Evans' Walmart version

Bitch please, I've seen the way you look at Pope, you're so gay for him you make Liberace look like he eats coochie for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (I ship JJPope so)

Besides raging closeted bisexual, impulsive, and horny himbo? What else did you put on your resumeé? Or did you just lie about having brain cells to make the cut?

I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse

Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing

You’ll never be the man your mother is, at least she had the balls to leave your dad

The only good thing that could come out of your mouth is your tongue into everyone's ass

I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If I wanted a bitch, I’d have bought a dog

Shit happens, I mean… look at your face

I’d bet it took you a whole week to come up with that one

I thought this was a wit war, but I see you've come unarmed

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your father’s job

Do you smell that? I- I think is the stink of your mediocrity

If you want to be a smartass, you have to be smart. Otherwise, you’re just an ass

Anyways, hope you guys like them, love y'all

#jj x reader #jj fanfiction #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank obx #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x you #obx jj smut #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank angst

[redheadliner]

RANDOM  MJW  EDITS  :  2/?

personals  do  not  reblog.

#( did y'all think i'd put these gifs to waste?? #nope !!!! coloring hair in gifs is hard #so i gots to flaunt these ) #⌜ ❪ xi. ╱ danger is my middle name. i have it monogrammed on all of my towels. ❫ ⌟ mary jane watson. #edits.

[dilfjohnnyaf]

Boyfriend Material

Pairing : Dom! Jaehyun x sub!fem reader

Genre : smut with plot, unprotected sex, jealous sex , shower sex , fluff if you squint lol, Friends to Lovers, lil bit of humour too cuz what's life without a bunch of memes🥴💃🏻

WARNING : 18+ content, minors dni.

A/N: heyy you guys it's me!! I hope y'all enjoy this fic. Please leave some comments abt your thoughts and please reblog. I'd very much like to know what you think about my fics 💓. Les go😽

------------------------------------------------------------

You and Jaehyun have been besties for over 4 yrs now and did practically everything together. You were so close that ppl thought y'all were dating-

Like what?!

Jaehyun never showed any type of interest in dating you ..... That's what you thought until the day when Yuta called you to hang out with NCT. Nothing new in that, you knew NCT and they knew you

Y'all went to the amusement park that day and after a few rides Haechan being the sneaky bij he is, suggested that we all should ride the Disco Pang Pang.

So you were dragged to the ride despite you saying "IM WEARING A FUCKING SKIRT I CAN'T RIDE!" (but you can lol)

You sat beside Johnny during the ride and as expected your skirt was flying and you were desperately trying to not show ur panties to the boys and the struggle was FOR REAL! but Johnny boy being the gentleman he is put his hand over your legs and held the skirt in place.

So you survived the ride and yall said your goodbyes and went your ways. Jaehyun came with you to drop you home. N the whole ride home he didn't say a word. You tried to start up a conversation like" Today was fun right?"

N he literally goes "Yea whatever"

Like what-

Anyways maybe he was just hangry ig🤷🏻‍♀️

Time skip to y'all reaching home and he agreed to come inside for some beer

You was looking for the beer cans in the fridge and Jae was taking a shower in the spare bathroom. You went in room to change and while you were in your bra and panties he just walked in 😶.

INSTANT PANICK 2.0

You were trying to cover yourself and said "Omgg Jaehyun you should've knocked!"

"I'm glad I didn't"

Boi what-

He walks over to you and says " I saw you during the Disco Pang Pang ride and Johnny's hand was on your lap"

"Yea that's bcuz my skirt was flying and I didn't want y'all to see my panties"

He says " I'll let it slide this time...Don't let him touch you again"

"Let it slide what? Stop acting like you're my boyfriend Jae"

Something inside him snapped.

He wrapped his hand around your neck and said " Well I'm about to change that tonight" Without wasting another second he kissed your lips. Seeing that you weren't kissing back he bit your lip. You opened your mouth and he slide his tongue in. You couldn't think of anything else and kissed him back.

Jaehyun removed his hand from your neck and let it travel up and down your body. He grabbed your ass and spanked it make you jump and wrap your legs around his waist. He entered the bathroom and turned on the shower without breaking the kiss. Cold water started flowing down your bodies and you said "Jaehyun its uncomfortable in my wet underwear"

He said "Then lemme get rid of it"

He turned you around so that your back was facing him. He unclipped the bra and immediately started massaging your boobs.

"Jaehy- ahahhh" you moaned. You leaned your head back on his shoulder and moaned. While his left hand was playing with your breast, his right hand snaked down to your panties and started playing with your pussy. "Omg-"

"Saying something kitten?" he said with a smirk.

Jaehyun rubbed and pinched your clit making you moan like a animal in heat.

He removed your panties and inserted his long fingers in your pussy and slowly started finger fucking you. "Jaehyun faster please" you begged. He removed his fingers making you whine like a child . He turned you around and slammed you against the cold wall.

"You don't deserve to call me by my name. Its Sir from now on."

Before you could say yes he kissed you and stared finger fucking at the speed of light.

"Sir slow down please- ahhhhh"

You came on his fingers and your legs gave out. You sank on the floor, panting and looked up to see Jaehyun sucking on his fingers tasting you. " Sweet like honey. You blushed and looked down. "Get on your knees and suck me" You got on your knees while he removed his boxers. His hard dick sprung out ,you immediately started rubbing his shaft up and down. You gave his slit a few kitten licks and kissed it. His dick was already dripping precum. "Kitten don't tease me or I'll make sure you regret it"

"Yes sir " you said and took him in your mouth. You started bobbing your head up and down slowly first and then gained speed. You looked up to see Jaehyun with his head thrown back and his mouth open.

"Aaahghaahgh" he pushed your head deeper on his cock and released his load in your mouth. Now you understood why they say hearing a man moan is heavenly.He let your head go and you opened your mouth with your tongue out so that spit and cum drooled down your tits.

You swallowed the remaining cum, "Stand up " he said you stood up and he pushed you against the wall, wrapped your right leg against his waist and positioned himself.

He slid himself in you and took a minute to adjust to the feeling. The next moment he was thrusting in and out of you like a wild animal. You tried not to be loud and accidentally let out a involuntary moan when he hit your g-spot.

"Found it" he said with a cocky smirk and kept slamming into your g-spot. You could see Jaehyun thrusting into you like a wild animal.

"Sir I'm cumming-"

No you're not. You will not cum unti I say so."

"Sir please let me cum" you cried 

"Just a little bit longer kitten"

"Now- Ahhhhhhhgghh" he said

"Fuck  ahhaahhh"

Jaehyun came in you and you came on his dick. You both were panting with his cock still inside you. "Well that was wild" you said

"And so fucking hot" he added while kissing you.

"Sooo we're dating now?" he asked

"yess we are baby" you said

Jaehyun and you started showering when you suddenly realised, "hey... did you use a condom?"

"Oh fuck-"

"JAEHYUN I COULD GET PREGNANT WTF!!!"

Fin💓

#nct smut #kpop smut #nct 127 smut #nct hard hours #nct #jaehyun fic #jaehyun scenario #jung jaehyun #jaehyun hard hours #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct scenarios

[nightswithkookmin]

BIGHIT DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS

Neither do I.

I am having a hard time mentally right now but all these questions about why did Bighit release this, why didn't they do that is driving me further insane.

The sooner you peeps deep that BigHit enjoys Jikook's interactions the sooner we can all go home and rest in peace.

You really think BigHit will hide or cut out Jikook's interactions to suit your ignorant homophobic bigoted ass???

What message do you think that sends to Jikook or the others???

Y'all trifling.

Y'all scream Bighit protect artists but fail to understand sometimes they protect them against us because we are weird and impose our own morals on the boys mmh???

Y'all stop pissing me off please.

I don't know why y'all glamorize hiding and promote shame when it really helps no one to be afraid and scared and ashamed. Shame is a waste of emotions as a wise man once said.

So no. They won't cut out Jikook moments just because y'all hate to see their moments they will keep pushing it out a. Because they are proud of the boys, love them, support them, aren't embarrassed by them.

B. Because Jikook moments are cute as fuxk regardless of how you interpret it.

If they did any such thing as cut out a members moment because of backlash you think Jikook will feel comfortable to put themselves out there like that????

If they don't get Jikook's backs in times like this and kowtow to the pressure and hide them or censor their bits in content do you really think any member will feel free to interact with eachother????

What message does that send???

FREE JIKOOK.

REALLY FREE THEM FROM YOUR LACK OF BRAINS.

BIGHIT DOES NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.

Certainly not a bunch of 6yr olds hiding behind keyboards telling Jikook to hang it up.

Go drink milk and eat your greens Suzan with the fake accent. That accent is fake I said it.

JIKOOK IS HERE TO STAY WHETHER YALL LIKE IT OR NOT.

HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM DON'T INVALIDATE THEIR BOND.

Jimin won't stay away from Jk just because you are uncomfortable with it.

And if he do I'd be so disappointed.

If Jk is afraid of expressing himself with regards to anyone it's an indictment on himself not us.

MAY BE THIS IS ONE OTHER STIGMA THEY NEED TO FIGHT AGAINST.

FUCK YALL

BIGHIT WON'T HIDE JIKOOK SHIT

Cry Jikook a river

GOLDY

[darylsgirl]

Mac's Girl

Request 1: Do you write for any Norman characters? If so can you do one with mac from red canyon please? Request 2: Hey sweetie! Could I possibly request a Mac fic? Like he's angry and aggressive and just needs a release and finds the sweetest most innocent virgin and just goes to town roughly on her? Love ya stories BTW!

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long with this! I decided to pretty much write the full Red Canyon film out as it just felt right! As always let me know what you thought! If you want adding to my tag list let me know!

Hope y'all having a great day :)

Love Jen <3

Warnings: Ok so just like the film Please don't read this if the movie triggered you in any way. Mentions of rape/Non-con, Blood, Rough sex, Virginity being taken, Knife play, Murder, Lots of swearing, Smut

Master List

After a long few days drive, a lot of wrong turns and a stop by a cop, you had finally made it, The property your friend and her brother were trying to sell, It was the whole reason you had all come out here was to help them with the business side of the sale, Wanting to make the most of it the group had decided to turn it into a road trip to Utah and while you were there you were all going to go riding in the canyon’s over summer.

Once you had arrived at the siblings Devon & Regina’s property, Your boyfriend Tom, Devon & Samir their friend all stood outside laughing with a beer leaving the women you Regina & Terra to take all the bags in and get the place ready to stay in….Chivalry is definitely dead you thought rolling your eyes.

When everything was set up, The three of you had managed to wrangle up a meagre dinner. Shouting the boys inside you all tucked in before heading to bed. Tom stumbling drunkenly and more than likely drugged up behind you, Pulling your body to his chest slurring his words.

“Finally Alone Y/N, Bout time we sealed the deal here”

Wanting to gag as you felt the revulsion sweeping through your stomach.

“Go to sleep Tom” You hissed through your teeth, pulling your body away from his. You weren’t going to let your first time be with him in the state he was in, In this disgusting place. It wasn’t like you wanted anything romantic, Just not this. The first time you had sex you should at least feel something other than sick at the prospect.

“Frigid bitch” He murmured before rolling away from you, His snores following soon after.

The next day had at least been better taking the bikes from the barn feeling your body physically relax riding through the canyons as it always did when you were on a bike, That was until Samir had gotten a wheel stuck in an old tunnel coming off the bike and having to be rescued before the skin could be torn from his face.

Pulling up to the Luna Mesa afterwards so ready to drink the day away, It definitely didn't look like much but as long as the beer was cold you couldn’t of cared less, Once you had gotten your first drinks and sat down a man came over to speak to Devon introducing himself as Walter, The owner of the bar and the man taking care of the property you were staying in.

After the first drink you had started to feel the exhaustion of the day falling over you, Tom gave you a quick peck on the cheek as you both stood, Him going outside to have his cigarette and you excusing yourself to use the restroom.

Patting your chest and face with cold water you tried to wake up, It was going to be a long night. You knew the guys they would want to spend most of the night here drinking, When they were all together they usually drank until dawn, You scoffed thinking about it college boys ugh…

Leaving the toilet you glanced over to the door just as Tom knocked into Samir sending the drinks to the floor. Before you knew it Tom had been thrown into the bar.

“Easy Partner” Tom groaned, not really aware of what was happening.

“Do i look like your fucking partner? As a matter of fact i don't think i fucking know you?” The man growled back angrily.

Devon noticing the commotion rushed over to help. “Hey mac...MAC!.. It’s uh been awhile ….remember me? That’s tom he’s my cousin”

“Man Devon Ashton and his cousin Tommy, I never thought I'd see you again” Mac replied, his attention fully on Devon now getting close enough to be in his face.

Devon continued looking towards Tom and Samir trying to keep his tone light “This is mac he owns the dog”

Terra cutting in "Oh the animal lover” She scoffed.

Mac ignored this turning back to the bar and raising his voice “Reunion like this is cause for a celebration, Let’s have some whiskey”

Noticing your friend Regina, Still next to the table standing looking worried, You made your way over to her, Still listening to the exchange at the bar as it seemed everyone in the place was.

“I’m fine with beer” Devon replied, keeping his voice level.

“You're gonna have whiskey” Mac declared. The look in his eyes leaving no room for argument taking a bottle from under the counter he poured two shots handing one to Devon and one for himself.

Not taking his eyes off Devons whilst they both threw them back, Taking the glass back from Devon he walked back to the bar.

Everything was silent for a moment, Mac drawing something in the spilt salt on the bar that only Walter could see, Their eyes meeting before he swiped it away, Turning to Terra “Where did Devon find a nice girl like you?”

Terra seemingly un-phased by the tension in the room, Giggling she pointed first at Devon’s chest “Fraternity boy - sorority girl” She replied pointing at herself giving him a wide smile

“College huh? Seems like such a big waste of time to me, but your brave though, Coming out here with Regina after what happened”

Regina ran her hand through her hair when the man’s eyes met hers, “I have to pee” She mumbled nervously before running off to the bathroom leaving you alone, Feeling uncomfortable you moved until you were stood partially behind Terra your hand on her arm trying to pull her back a step, Ready to get out of the way if things were to go sour.

The stranger wasn’t deterred by this “I wouldn't be brave like that, I’d be scared...Heard after your parents little accident Someone gave your little sister a ride. Busted her wide open, isn't it nasty Devon?….”

Devon cut him off swinging a punch at him, “Fuck you”

He reacted quickly moving out of the way and pushing Devon’s head down onto the bar, Holding Terra’s arm firmly, You shook your head slightly trying to warn her not to get involved. Your eyes meeting Tom’s now panicked as he stepped forward and was stopped by a few of the man’s friends.

“That’s fuckin sick...Do you like it?” The bartender jumped into action seeming to know that this would only get worse. He hit a baseball bat against the bar top in a warning. Terra brushed you off; she stood between the two trying to separate them.

“Mac You don't wanna do that son” Mac backed off instantly, Raising the bat to his shoulder the bartender continued “Just a precaution. “Let's dance” Terra said to Mac taking his hand and trying to pull him towards the empty space between the bar and the tables

Mac looked her over once before his eyes met yours still as you stood awkwardly to the side, Throwing her hand away. “Nah” He sneered “Her...She's gonna dance with me” Terra gave you a warning glare over his shoulder, ‘Just do it!’ she mouthed with wide eyes.

Gulping you nodded nervously, Mac pushed harshly through the group, grabbing your waist and dragging you backwards, Once near the tables again both his hands finding your ass he pulled your core to his, Your chest hitting him with a thump.

In a move to steady yourself you put your hands up on the top of his arms as he pushed his face into your neck, His firm arms felt incredible in your grasp.

“You feel fuckin good princess” He growled in your ear before licking a line from the base of your neck to your ear. The breath hitching in your throat. “Real fucking good, Too good for him, I’ll be takin ya for maself” You tried to push the blush in your cheeks away, His core still against yours, you could feel his arousal growing. Taking a deep shaky breath a familiar feeling stirring inside you.

The feeling should have been fear, Surely that’s what your meant to feel as a redneck asshole was groping you, rubbing against you like he owned you. But all you could feel was electricity running through your body like you were meant to be his.

Forgetting for a moment that your friends and boyfriend were staring incredulously at you both, As his teeth nipped the pulse point on your neck, your nipples hardening in response and your panties dampening for him.

Looking him over, He was the stereotypical country boy, His hair and beard a little long, The red and white flannel shirt wrapped around his waist, He was a little dirty but the way his muscles strained against the fabric of his shirt, His well defined collar bones poking out at the top. He was fucking hot, There was no way you could deny this was a real man, Not a college boy like you were used to. The dark glint in his eye threatening to turn you into putty in his hands.

His hands had now found the hem of your Jean shorts gripping harshly at your exposed flesh mouth back to your ear “Can he even fuck, Or do you want a real man to show ya” Pulling his face back his eyes fixed on yours, Your mouth dropping open breath heavy, Not able to hide the effect this man was having on you.

It was over too suddenly your boyfriend Tom had now pushed forward grabbing your arm and all but throwing you towards the door.

Mac looked amused at his reaction, “This your man?” Tom answered for you. “Yeah i am, Let’s go Y/N”

Tom pushed you towards the door, still staring warily at Mac, Mac tilted his head with that gorgeous dark look in his eye and a smirk.

“Not for long....I’ll be seeing you Y/N” It almost sounded like a threat but Why were you wishing it was a promise?

Regina had rejoined you all now standing behind her brother, Mac’s eyes glanced over her before falling back on Tom who had his chest pushed out clearly torn between fight or flight. Pushing you again you all made it to the door.

Pulling Tom’s arm gently you all made it back to the van jumping in and heading home in near silence, Just an angry tension running through the car. Looking over at Regina, You could tell something was bothering her, Regina had been your best friend since she had moved to California with her brother, You had been fast friends even going to the same college, that was how you had met Tom.

Tom was a cocky all american jock, The guy that would usually make your eyes roll with his arrogance. You were sure if he had met you a year before he did he wouldn’t have looked at you like he did now. You were well…you. It was only when you got to college that you even started to think that maybe you could be beautiful.

When you left home moving to campus and into Regina’s sorority everything about you had changed, You didn’t want to be the person you were before.

She was dead, The girl who had been overlooked and bullied. Since leaving home the bruises your abusive parents had constantly given you had faded and you were able to step away from the baggy clothes letting the girls change your wardrobe. You were taking care of yourself more, Making an effort with your appearance, determined that college would be the rebirth of you.

No one who had known you before would have recognised you now.

You hadn’t done it for the attention that you now had an abundance of, You had just wanted to feel more like you, More free. Not realising how it would have the opposite effect when all the boys started to hound you. At first you had enjoyed the attention having gone so long being ignored but now you had grown to hate it it seemed like every idiot on campus had made it his mission to take you as a trophy even some of the professors had made more than one inappropriate comment.

It had taken Tom a while to convince you to go out with him, Even enlisting Regina to wear you down until you had said yes.

When you had eventually agreed the date hadn’t been bad, Yeah you guessed he talked a lot about himself and didn’t really seem to interested in learning much about you, But to be honest it was a welcome break, You hated when people asked too many questions, There was too much in your past that you just weren't proud of. Instead you preferred to be quiet and study those around you. You had studied him intensely, He was a very good looking guy who seemed to have a good enough intellect to keep up with you in the very least, You could have done a lot worse, Also it helped that having Tom around seemed to discourage the creepers which was a definite bonus!

When he had asked you to go to Utah with the group for the summer to ride dirt bikes you had gratefully accepted. Excited to be spending the whole summer away from your fucked up family.

You had done a good job at hiding the insane mess you had come from, It was only one night when you had, had a few too many you had opened up to Regina and she opened up to you in return, You knew you couldn’t let her go back with her brothers stuck up girlfriend without you, She would need someone who understood.

Regina never seemed to really recover from the horror’s of her past, The torment always in her eyes. She had never told you who had done those unspeakable things to her, You weren’t sure she even knew herself.

Sidling over to Regina in the car. “You ok sugar?” She flinched as you pulled her from her thoughts, Grumbling something about being fine. You put your hand in hers giving it a small reassuring squeeze as you all went back to your silence.

It was only when you all got home to the house that Tom finally broke the silence. Turning on you and blocking you from entering.

“What the fuck was that about Y/N!”

Sighing you knew it was coming “I was doing what Terra told me to! We needed to calm the situation down or someone was about to get hurt!”

Your eyes meeting his you could see the jealousy in them “Looked like you needed calming down Y/N you liked that hillbilly asshole putting his hands on you eh?”

Terra shoved Tom out of the way “Leave her alone. He would have destroyed you, He would have picked his teeth with your bones you delusional little prick, He would have killed the both of you two” Glaring at Devon and Samir. Putting her hand in yours she dragged you inside “C’mon Y/N we need a drink”

After a lot of arguing you had gone to the bedroom and pretended to be sleeping when you had felt the bed sag at the side of you when Tom had come to bed. Laying awake for most of the night you let your mind wander over how you had felt pressed against his body.

He felt like a man who knew what he wanted and took it and in the haze of that moment you wanted nothing more.

The mood between you and Tom hadn’t changed in the morning, The plan for the day had been to go for a hike as a group but with tensions high between you two and then Devon and Terra the group had split.

Regina, Devon, Samir & You had gone for the hike in the canyons whilst Terra and Tom had decided to go out on the Dirt bikes.

Terra had tried to reassure you with a soft squeeze to the arm before your groups separated. During your hike everyone had stayed relatively silent only making small observations, A few miles in, Samir had to take a break, Pulling a cigarette from his pocket, While Devon ribbed him for smoking, Samir reached over putting his hand on Regina’s leg. Which caused her to freeze up before standing and mumbling that she was heading back to the van to lie down.

Regina took off before you could stop her.

“Just let her go, It’s ok she just needs to be alone” Devon murmured, Devon wandered a little behind her before stopping and watching she was still on the right track from afar. With Devon out of earshot Samir stood walking over to you, Putting his arm around your waist.

You stiffened as his grip brought you closer to him.

“Thought they’d never leave...Gives us time to get to know each other”

“Uhhh Samir, My boyfriend is your best friend….I think we know each other well enough” You gave him an alarmed look before moving away as far as you could his hand still holding your waist.

“What he doesn't know won’t hurt him….He’s told us you know….That you still haven’t put out. Figured you weren’t interested in the pretty boy” He grinned with a chuckle.

Pulling yourself completely away from him “I don’t see how that’s any of your business creep?” You quipped before yelling to Devon that you were going to explore promising you would be back soon and wouldn’t stray too far.

Watching Samir take a resigned seat back in the shade you took off glad for a few moments alone, The hairs on your neck suddenly stand up, Feeling like prey awaiting the predator’s move. Were you being watched?

When you did a quick sweep with your eyes of the area and saw no one you thought it must just be the after effects of him last night, Letting your mind dwell now on the feelings that had overtaken you last night, Immediately heating up. Looking around now more carefully and still seeing that you were alone.

Letting yourself fully explore those thoughts, Seeing a slight indent in the rock, Perfect. It wasn’t a real cave that could have dangers hidden inside but it would at least hide you if one of the group came to look for you.

You may have been a virgin but you weren’t completely innocent, Completely in tune with your own body, Never pushing too far in to keep your hymen intact for the man you would eventually give it to.

Brushing your hand down your body you let it wander into your shorts feeling the dampness spreading through your fingers, Humming contentedly as you started to work on yourself softly pressing your fingers inside slightly before bringing them to your clit spreading your fluids rolling your clit in your fingers.

Your other hand had worked inside your top finding your erect nipple easily tweaking it between your fingers. Imagining you could still feel him pressed against you, Letting out a soft moan biting down on your lip remembering that dark dangerous glare, The need in his eyes. The need for you.

“Oh Mac..” You moaned softly as your imagination ran wild.

“What the fuck did you just say cunt?” Eyes springing open and hands pulling from their previous places you came face to face with him, The man who just thought of him had turned you on so much you just had to take care of it.

Letting the blush rise in your cheeks, Looking away from him. “Shit….I’m so sorry Mac. I didn’t know you were there…” You mumbled.

He rushed forward pressing his whole body against you bouncing your hips off the harsh rock behind you, From the twang of pain still radiating through them you knew it would be bruised tomorrow but feeling him there pressed up on you, You didn’t give it a second thought.

His hand harshly pushed your head upwards to look at him, “Did’ya just say my fuckin name?”

The Dark dangerous look was in his eyes again but there was something else there too that you just couldn’t place. Nodding slightly averting your eyes from him.

“Fuuucckkk…” He groaned, Just as you opened your mouth to apologise again his mouth was on yours, His tongue not waiting for permission just pushing past your lips and exploring your mouth, Momentarily frozen in shock as you felt his teeth smashing into yours, His hand snaking down the front of your shorts groaning into your mouth as he felt your wetness.

Before you knew what you were doing you were pushing your hands into his hair moaning along with him, Your tongue dancing with his greedily. His fingers teasing your clit rubbing in harsh circles.

His lips stopped moving long enough to make a demand of you “Say it again” he growled.

His nails scratching down your length dipping into your heat.

“Oh Mnmm Mac!” You moaned arching your hips towards him, Your lips searching for his, His fingers hitting that sensitive spot inside you making you mewl for him.

“You’re playin with the devil bitch” he breathed out, Moaning at his words feeling the burn inside you grow stronger maybe that was exactly what you needed to do, Your hand reached out brushing the tent now in his overalls.

A deep angry growl rips from him as he pulls away from you, Turning and heading into a small cave to the side. “Wait-” You tried to call after him.

“Y/N? You over here?” Shit! He must have heard them, that's why he fled. Rearranging your clothes quickly and patting your hair down, It was now or never.

Coming from behind the rock face you see Devon looking for you worried.

“Hey I'm here, Sorry I had to get some shade!” You said far too huskily the arousal still in your voice.

“Yeah, Looks it? Let’s get you back, You're looking a little flustered Reggie will kill me if anything happened to ya” Following behind him back to the van you noticed how he pointedly didn’t say Tom, He probably knew there was nothing really there between the two of you.

Back at the van you felt the eyes on you again, Smirking you pulled the water from your bag you poured it over your face and chest. Reggie raised a questioning eyebrow at you once you’d finished.

Shrugging “What it’s too hot!” You snapped at her. Climbing quickly into the van before the boys noticed how your top had gone see through with the water.

As the van starts to pull away you spare a glance in the direction you felt the glare coming from, He was standing in the open now that dark look in his eyes as he watched you leave, Bringing the fingers that had been touching you so incredibly to his mouth licking them clean. His eyes fixed on yours as the van got further away.

Your mind still stuck on Mac as Reggie shook you, “Were here lets get something to eat” Nodding at her you followed into the bar ordering quickly and barely paying attention to the conversation.

“Hey are you ok?” Nodding again “Think I got a bit of sun stroke” You mumbled. Accepting this as an answer Devon paid for your dinner before heading back to the house.

The sight that met you was hilarious, That prick tom and Terra stuck on the roof of the barn with the poor dog Tom had been tormenting on their heels keeping them up there.

“Stop fucking laughing Y/N DO SOMETHING” Tom yelled at you, sighing you leant over your bag grabbing the sandwich you forgot to eat, Putting two fingers into your mouth you let out a loud whistle.

Grabbing the dogs attention instantly “C’mere baby” As he approached you warily a snarl on his mouth. Samir was behind you holding the gun. Glaring at him “You are not shooting that dog!” You growled making him put it down and his hands up in defence.

“Less of that! Sit!" You commanded clicking your fingers and pointing down. Keeping your eyes on the dog “Reggie get me the rope!” Giving the dog the sandwich and turning to Reggie taking the rope from her. The dog snarled slightly again as you slipped it around its neck.

“How the fuck did you do that?” Tom asked, As he started climbing down from the shed. Shrugging your shoulders. “Dog’s like me I guess?” As the dog finished it noticed Tom lunging back towards him. “It’s you he doesn't like” You giggled.

“C’mon sweetheart let’s take you home” You cooed at him tugging the rope enough to get his attention. Walking away ignoring the protests. Mac’s home was only a 10 minute walk away, Once away from the others you noticed the dogs attitude change significantly. Tongue lolling from its mouth playfully playing with a stick he had found on the walk.

As you approached your heart started beating harder seeing him there, Fuck he looked hot the way his overalls hung from his hips, The way his muscles moved as he kicked the dogs pen angrily.

Clearing your throat “Loose something?” Startled Mac span around “Fuck you doin here bitch!” Pointing at the dog happily sat at your feet. Giving him a scratch behind his ear. “This little cutie decided to get loose and trap my boyfriend and friend on top of a barn” You giggled.

Mac rushing to you both he ripped the rope from around the dog's neck “House, Now” he commanded pointing at the shack. Getting in your face he growled “Get the fuck outta here before you regret it bitch”

What the fuck? You thought he would at least be happy to see you. Feeling the anger surge.

“If it weren't for me” Smacking his chest “They would have shot that dog! Could at least say thank you!” Half yelling at him.

“Thank you?” He mused “I’ll show ya fuckin thank you” Lunging forward he grabbed you tight to him, Wrapping a hand in your hair pulling you towards the shack behind him.

His lips met your angrily as you crossed the threshold of the house. Your nose wrinkled as you were met with a smell that you couldn’t quite place, A mixture of rotting food, dust and sweat.

Spinning you he thrust you towards a room “Get in there cunt”

The bedroom wasn’t too bad, It was a mess sure but the smell in here was nothing like the rest of the house, There was a huge hole in the ceiling but the sheets looked clean enough. Sensing your hesitation, Mac grabbed you again, throwing you face first on the bed.

Before you had time to turn over he was on you, hands pulling your loose shorts off, Panties coming down with them, His fingers digging into your side as he went. Flipping you onto your back he moved to your shirt ripping it over your head.

“Mac what are yo-” He cut you off with a harsh backhand to the face. “Shut the fuck up, You think you can just walk around being a fucking tease and not get whats coming to ya?”

“I wasn’t” Backhanded again “Don’t fucking LIE! The water? Playin with ya damn self! You knew i was watching”

Your head was ringing from the hits, As terrified as you should be at this moment you still couldn’t find the fear, The only feeling was the burning in your loins that you hadn’t been able to quell since you had first laid eyes on him.

In the blink of an eye his overalls and boxers had both dropped to the floor leaving him in only his ratty what used to be white tank top. Gripping your knees he forced them apart pushing them down onto the bed. In one swift move he was in you, A scream breaking from your lips as he tore through your hymen as if it wasn’t even there.

As he turned your face to his you let out a whimper, your body fighting against the pain trying to adjust to his huge size.

“You were a virgin?” He asked with a shocked expression stopping his movements, Nodding weakly “Please” You begged. His hand flew to your throat.

Chuckling “Please what? Stop? i aint had a virgin in a long ass time like fuck i'm stopping!”

“Please….More” A small moan breaking through, Between the pain you were feeling from his claiming of you and the pressure around your throat, It was enough to send you spiralling around him.

He laughed fully now “Ain’t ever had a bitch ask for more before…..” His gravelly voice was sending tingles down your spine, His lips met your throat licking a small line down from your pulse to the underside of your breast, Biting down hard, Screaming again you felt as his teeth punctured hard enough to draw blood.

Finally he moved, Drawing almost fully out of you before thrusting until he bottomed out in you again. The scream turned into a strangled moan as he licked the blood from you, Biting down again on your ribs, Drawing blood there too.

When his head reared back your blood dripped down his chin, His eyes glowing with malevolence, his tongue darting out to lick the blood from his lower lip. Fuck it was hot, So fucking hot.

You were panting now at the sight in front of you. Reaching forward you grabbed his tank pulling his lips to yours. The metallic taste on his lips only spurring you on as your tongues fought each other for dominance.

Leaning back he pushed his thighs under yours lifting your hips higher impossibly pushing even deeper into you, He let go then, Thrashing in and out of you his fingers holding on so tightly to your hip bones that they would definitely at the very least be bruised if not ripped open.

“Ahh fuck Mac!” You screamed feeling the burning growing to a new height.

“Cum for me bitch” He growled his pace moving quicker, His incredible length brushing hard against that little rough patch in you. One of his hands now came down on your clit pinching it roughly before rubbing harsh circles around it.

Everything went dark as your orgasm ripped through you, Your body arching upwards as you exploded screaming his name.

He followed straight after a string of profanities falling from his mouth as he collapsed on top of you.

Your entire body was shaking, Sure you’d had orgasms in the past playing with yourself but nothing like this, Everyone said that the first time would be painful and it would suck.

Painful yes, But no one had told you how good the pain would feel.

As the dark spots in your eyesight started to clear he pushed himself from you, His hand cupping your bruised pussy. Slipping a lone finger inside he scooped some of your mixed juices onto it before thrusting it into your mouth.

Moaning around his fingers as your combined bitter tastes enveloped your senses. You felt yourself getting wet again at this. “Fuck little bitch, Yer making me love you” His voice strained eyes wide as you licked his finger clean.

Grabbing a rag to the side of him he threw it over your face. “Clean ya damn self up and get the fuck out, I got places to be”

Shocked you did as he told you but as you moved to pull your panties back on he snatched them from you, “Not these, These are mine” The gleam in his eyes was back as he brought them to his nose breathing in the scent before pushing them into the pocket of the overalls he had just pulled back on. You’d noticed when he had put them on he hadn’t bothered to clean your blood or his cum from himself.

Nodding at him you pulled your shirt and shorts back on the sense of pride you felt knowing he had a part of you with him now, Feeling like part of you was marking him as he had you with the bites.

Shit the bites! You grabbed the rag again lifting your shirt and bra and wiped the blood that was now drying from them making sure it wouldn’t seep through your shirt.

His back was to you now as you were ready to leave, Sighing you tried to touch him, The second your hand touched his shoulder he span pinning you against the nearest wall his hand pulling your hair back so you were looking into his eyes.

“You’re fucking lucky i'm letting ya live, Might just change my mind…….Now get the fuck out of here” He yelled dragging you to the door and thrusting you out of it.

After you had returned home gratefully no one had paid much attention to you once they had noticed Regina was missing, If you thought what had just happened was crazy the night was only getting worse.

Regina had to be rescued from the cave, Mac had been arrested and now Regina had come back screaming in the middle of the night insisting she had seen her old flame Harley dead outside

Rushing out after her Devon grabbed the gun from by the door. Regina led you back to the car “he's inside!” “You sure Regina?” Devon questioned looking at his sister like she was nuts “look! I saw him look!” She pushed him towards the car “at what?”

Tom looked over Devon’s shoulder, chuckling “How many of those pills did you take reg? What’s next, pink flying elephants?” Laughing harder now, “C’mon Y/N we're going to bed” Tom reaches his arm around you trying to pull you away with him making you flinch as his fingers graze the bite on your ribs.

He had turned you both around when Terra spoke up “Guys there's something in the back” As you all moved towards the back Samir opened the boot, The sheriff's body, tumbling out. There was a chorus of “oh shit! “Fucks” as you all took in the shock of finding the dead man.

“What, Dead?” Tom asked jumping backwards, hiding partially behind you, You snorted fucking pussy.

“Yeah that's one dead pink flying elephant” Samir confirmed for him.

“Shouldn't we do something for him?” Terra asked, the fear clear in her eyes.

“What do you wanna do for him? Take him inside and give him a beer? Huh? He's dead!” Tom yelled at her.

Ignoring his outburst she replied “I don't know, cover him up?” Devon lent forward grabbing the sheriff's coat from behind him and covering his face with it.

Regina brought the attention back to her now as she stood away from the group “I saw Harley in there he was in there before!”

Devon sighed “Regina don't!”

“He’s out here! whoever killed him is still out here!” She argued

Taking in her panicked expression Devon “Are you sure you saw Harley? Are you sure you didn't just see the sheriff?”

“It could have been roger rabbit it could have been anybody” Tom cut in. You gave him a swift smack around the back of his head as Devon turned around yelling “Would you shut up!”

As he turned the gun went off, Tom collapsed to the side of you screaming, Jumping into action you followed him down seeing the source of the bleeding, Good it’s only his calf it should be okay. Putting your hands on the wound trying to stem the bleeding.

The guys grabbed him, helping bring him inside while you kept the pressure on.

Once he was back in the cabin on the couch You moved back letting Samir take over. “You fucking shot me you asshole!” Tom seethed at Devon Before hissing at Samir “Careful fuck!”

“You really got me good didn't you, You trigger happy bastard” He spat turning his attention back to Devon. He tried to excuse himself “It's not my fault it went off!” “You shot my fucking leg off” Rolling your eyes at that, Yes he had just been shot but fuck was he dramatic!

Samir asked Terra to call for an ambulance, The fear in her face said it all. No phone.

Trying to keep Regina calm was an impossible feat never mind adding Tom to the mix.

As Terra tries to suggest making a plan the lights go out Sending Regina into a worse panicked state “We're all gonna die in here. I should have never come back here”

“Were all gonna die here? We’re all here because of you” Tom spat at her and grabbed your hand pulling you to him. Terra gave you a sad look “Were all in this together”

“OH fuck together!!, She’s the one who had to go to that cave! Let me fucking tell you something! Sometimes when you look in dark places Reggie, There are real fucking monsters there you understand!” You gave him a filthy look at this pulling your hand from him

“Being a fucking asshole is not gonna help, She's your fucking Cousin! The least you could do is watch your tongue!”

After a few minutes you had all come up with a plan, Devon and Regina we’re going to Mac’s house to try for a phone and Samir was taking one of the Bikes to try and get help. Leaving you, Terra and Tom in the house.

You watched as Terra got close to Tom on the couch. Snorting you grabbed the bottle of Whiskey from the side walking towards your room.

“Y/N where the fuck are you going?” Tom snarled after you.

Stopping in the doorway to your room “If we're all gonna die, Might as well be drunk!”

“We should stay together”

Laughing at him now “I thought you said ‘Fuck together’ Tom? Thought you two would want the time alone anyway. You’ve been fucking her since we’ve been together”

They both stammered trying to cut you off “Don’t even try to deny it, Honestly i don’t give a shit” You took a long pull of the whiskey and slammed the door behind you. Settling into the bed, If this was Mac he wouldn’t kill you would he?

You had been there drinking in silence for around half an hour, Hearing a noise at the open window you moved closer and let out a shriek when Devon grabbed your arm.

“Why is the fucking door locked?” He asked as he pulled himself through the window “Where is Reggie?” You countered.

“She’s at Mac’s, Blacked out, i need your help to bring her back” Making your way back into the living room you watched as Terra broke away from Tom’s side. “We need to talk Y/N” He grumbled looking between you and Devon.

“No we really don’t” Before you could say anymore you were interrupted by a scream outside. Rushing out Reggie collapsed into your arms. Pulling her in behind you, Devon pulling her away arguing in hushed voices.

As the hour ticked on, Devon and Regina whispered to each other Terra and Tom eyeing you worriedly and you drinking, Waiting for Samir or someone to come and help.

When the sound of a truck got closer. You knew exactly who it was. It was like your blood started singing, Your heart pounding in your ears, the bite on your side itching for him.

The lights from the truck flooded the cabin, Looking out you saw him even with the Mask covering his face you knew exactly who it was.

You watched as he pulled something from the bed of his truck. Shit! Scarpering backwards away from the window pushing Reggie with you who had come up behind you to see what was going on. “MOVE” You yelled at her, As the projectile smashed through the window.

Your body was still covering hers as you both turned to look at the pole which had landed only inches from where you had just been, Was he aiming for you? I guess that answers the earlier question, He would definitely kill you. Why in the hell does that still make you so fucking hot for him.

Tom yells out “what the fuck is that? A pole he threw a fucking pole at us?”

Devon leans forward noticing the cloth wrapped around something on the end. Opening it he jumps back realising it’s Samir’s head.

The bile rushing up your throat as you notice a note attached. Devon leant forward, grabbing it before moving away again. “ ‘Shouldn’t have touched what wasn't his’ What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck did he do?” Regina interrupted him. “The tunnel, Grandpa’s tunnel”

Terra’s head flashed upwards “What tunnel? Can we escape?”

Devon got up moving Regina out of the way and hooked his fingers into a grate on the floor pulling it up“It’s a tunnel my grandfather built when they raided the place during prohibition.”

Tom cut him off “It's no time for a history lesson ok! My best friend's head is sitting on the carpet” Terra helped Tom from the couch as Devon dropped into the hole in the floor. Checking it out before giving the all clear.

Tom reached his arm out to you as he approached giving you a soft look. Giving him a small smile, You weren’t really angry, You’d probably even forgive him if you all survived this, Hell you had done the same thing with Mac. If there was one thing you weren’t it was a hypocrite.

Mac. Even just thinking his name made your heart stop. You grimaced, were you crazy? He was outside trying to kill you and your friends but yet you still wanted him.

Helping tom into the hole in the floor Terra went next then Reggie then you. As you had gotten a few feet down the tunnel Reggie gasped “My necklace!” She tried to fight past you “It was my mothers! I need to get it!”

“Ok, Ok! I’ll get it! Just stay quiet!”

Crawling back to the opening you pushed upwards almost getting it when you felt a hand in the back of your hair pulling you out. “Where the fuck did you think you were going bitch?”

Mac pulled you backwards into him as you struggled to get free. You could hear Reggie crying from the Tunnel, Terra trying to calm her down when another voice mixed in with theirs.

“Oh seriously Reggie? who gives a fuck it’s only Y/N Fucking leave her ass. C’MON” Tom yelled. This stopped your fighting what the fuck? Their noises died away, They really had just left you. All the fight left fuck it if he was going to kill you he might as well get on with it.

“Go on, Kill me then!” You spat. As you spoke he let you go, Turning to him you could see the murderous gleam in his eyes.

“You think i’m going to kill you? I’ve only just started with you Y/N” He grinned “Him though….Oh I’m going to enjoy killing him” Grabbing the pole with Samir’s head still impaled on it using his foot to pull the pole free he walked down the hallway listening intently.

“Little rats think they can scurry away” He laughed before thrusting the pole through the floor, Laughing harder when he heard the screams below. Pulling it out and heading further down the hall he stabbed again twice. He noticed you watching him curiously. “What was the note about Mac?” Your voice sounded braver than you felt.

You noticed Samir’s blood still on his hands, arms and splattered across his chest, The sadist smile still on his face as he moved closer to you. Putting his hands around your back and pulling you into him. His lips at your ear.

“I saw him, Yesterday putting his hands on you, On whats fuckin mine” He lowered his lips to your neck biting down hard. An aroused groan rising through your chest. What the hell was this man doing to you. It felt like you were losing all your faculties, All that was left was him. He was all you cared about.

“C’mon time for that later” Pulled you out of the cabin he pushed you into the passenger side of his truck before getting in himself. Driving a short distance he stopped pulling you out with him. You both stayed silent still in a stupor of sorts you followed him blindly not caring what was happening as long as he was there with you.

It didn’t take long for you to stumble across a light in the distance, With the way the light was moving it had to be a fire. Putting his finger to his lips he stalked towards the fire leaving you there. No! He couldn’t just leave you here! Following after him as silently as you could you watched as he crept over the top of the rock shielding the people from view.

His hand going to his belt, You could see the fire glinting in the metal of the huge knife. Creeping closer again you heard the scream as his hand plunged over the rock into someone.

Moving around the edge you saw who. He was wildly plunging the knife in and out of Tom. Blood poured from him as Reggie screamed and ran. The scream seemed to pull you from your trance. Eyes flicking between the direction Reggie had disappeared to and Mac who was now wrists deep inside Tom’s stomach ripping at the guts inside him.

The glee on his face was evident. Looking at you “Look apparently the gutless bastard, Had them after all! My mistake” The evil chuckle was enough to make the choice for you. You'd felt the unnatural stir inside you of approval at his actions. But you couldn't give into that evil, Not now, Not when your friend needed you.

Running after Regina you desperately tried to catch up to her, You had to find her. Stumbling along you ran for what felt like hours. She was gone. The sun had come up now and you were all alone.

You couldn’t stop walking, This was a mistake. She had left you twice now. The only one who hadn’t left you was Mac, Mac you needed to find Mac! You continued on with more determination now. It wasn’t long until you heard them.

“well what do we have here? The lost pussy! did golden boy leave you all alone”

You could see them now, Mac grabbed her face pulling her to him, kissing her before throwing her to the ground. Jealousy raged within you. It should have been you he was kissing!

“I told that little bitch not to come here but you never listen”

“Don’t fucking touch me” Terra yell grabbing a log at the side of her and hitting him around the head with it. Fucking Bitch!

He stumbled for a moment before he was back on her, Throwing her back to the ground kicking her repeatedly in the stomach, Gripping her arm and pulling her back upwards pulling her tight to his chest, Just like he did to you.

Terra tried to hit him again.

“You’re making me love you just like your little friend, that day she was the only one that got it” He threw her back to the floor kicking her knees apart “That kid fucked us all”

She tried to fight him

“I’m sick of this shit! You’ll beg to die” He growled. Diving forward, Ripping her shirt from her body, She fell to the ground as Mac shrugged out of his overalls letting them hit the ground. Terra looked wild as she got back up “Your not gonna do that to me” She screamed running towards him.

You don’t know what came over you but you just couldn’t let her. Running at Terra you hit her before she got to Mac, The force of your body hitting hers sent her tumbling off the edge of the Canyon. Almost falling off with her when you felt the arms clasp around your stomach pulling you to Safety. Peaking over the edge you saw Devon holding a screaming Regina with a dead Terra at their feet.

Mac pulled on you and when you didn’t move he tried again harder pulling you almost off your feet. Looking up at him in fear. “For fuck sake” He sighed. Picking up a rock at his feet. He bashed you around the head with it. Everything went black instantly.

When you woke you could hear him pacing nearby, Whispering angrily into a small phone.

“I’ll fuckin take care of it!....Don’t I always!......Fuck sake! You clean up your other fucking sons mess next time, I ain’t cleaning up after Devon no more!” He hung the phone up, throwing it onto a well lit table next to him.

It was then he noticed you were awake. You could see the anger rolling through him in waves. Pulling at your arms you realised they were restrained above your head. Raising your eyes you saw the hook and rope binding you there. Tugging at it as hard as you could. You heard him laugh.

“Ya aint getting outta that. What you wanted to run from me again...Stupid cunt”

“Where am i?” you asked, steadying your voice as much as you could.

“In my cave...Go on scream little bitch no one will hear you!” He pounced on you sitting on your chest with that gleeful look in his eyes again. Pulling the knife from his belt still covered in Tom’s blood.

Everything was coming back to you now, Samir, Tom & Regina all dead. But what about Devon & Regina? Didn’t he just say Devon’s name?

“Where are Devon and Regina? Are they here?” He scoffed, An indignant smile on his face.

“Baby brother? He’s probably balls deep in his little plaything by now. That was the plan. I got to take all you guys out and he got to claim her. Thought you would of been a good cunt to keep around too but you just had to run” Putting the knife to your throat.

“I’m going to fuck you bloody bitch, Make you beg for me to kill you” Running the knife down from your neck to your cleavage pressing just hard enough to cut but not too deep, The bulge in his overalls becoming more pronounced as he watched the blood following the knife.

Letting out a pained gasp you met his eyes. Keeping your stare hard trying not to show the fear that had started bubbling within you. Leaving the knife propped between your breasts his hand snaked inside his overalls pulling out his impressive length. The blood from earlier dried on there now.

“Suck it clean Y/N” He pushed it to your lips, When they didn’t open he grabbed your chin hard. You felt it click with the pressure. “Open it now, Or this” He picked up the knife “will be going in there instead."

Dropping your mouth open you let him slide inside. Balling his hands in your hair you felt the knife slide across your scalp. He thrust until his full length was in your mouth choking slightly as he slipped into your throat.

You thought it would taste worse than it did considering it had been at least a day since he had taken your virginity, Yours and his juices dried and covering him.

Having never given a blow job before you were all teeth. As he pulled backwards he hissed at your teeth dragging on him. “Fucking bite me and ill bite you back bitch!”

Trying to hide your teeth behind your lips you wrapped them tighter around him sucking and running your tongue down the underside as he pulled out fully. Once only the tip remained in your mouth you sucked harder, Swirling your tongue around it, When the first drop of pre-cum landed on your tongue you moaned wildly. Struggling to push your face forward. Wanting to feel him back in your throat again.

“Fuck. Are you enjoying this? Sick bitch” Slamming back into your throat again, The moan was more intense now you could feel the muscles in your throat vibrating around him. Taking the knife and cutting your bonds.

Your arms dropped to the sides exhausted. Pulling you to your knees by your hair he stood in front of you letting the overalls drop off him completely. Not wasting any time You moved forward bracing your hands on his thighs.

Taking him fully back into his mouth now, Feeling the courage rise back in your chest you looked up into his eyes. Wrapping one hand around the base of him and started bobbing as fast as you could.

“Fffuccckkkk!” He groaned. Hands back in your hair guiding you down onto him.

It didn’t take long for his cock to start twitching. Forcing you off him he threw you back down onto the filthy stained mattress. Knife back in hand he started at the top, Pushing the knife between your breasts again facing outwards this time, He cut your shirt and bra from you before moving to your shorts shredding them too.

He laughed, Moving to the pocket in his overalls “Still missing these?” He waved your underwear in front of you, He brought them to his nose for a moment before hanging them over his cock tugging at himself with them.

Not able to stop the groan coming when you saw him bring them back to his nose. Your core tightening at the sight of him almost naked fucking your panties.

“Mac...Please…” You begged just like the first time. “Please what Y/N?” He grinned knowingly at you.

“Fuck me please Mac...I need you…” You moaned breathily.

“You want this huh?” He dropped your panties to the floor and removed his shirt.

Your eyes wide, Mouth hanging open when you got your first sight of him fully naked. “Holy fuck!”

“Nothing Holy happening in here Y/N this the devils work” He winked. Grabbing both of your feet he flipped you onto your stomach. Using your hips now he pulled your ass into the air and thrusting into you in the same movement.

A scream ripping from your throat as he stretched you wide again. He didn’t take a moment to let you get used to it like he did last time. Just pounded away.

“Look at you! You’re dripping for me you fucked up girl, And So fucking tight still. You won’t be by the time i'm fucking through with you” He growled Your walls clenched at his words. Making him hiss at the extra pressure around his cock. Smacking your ass as hard as he could. You screamed again at the initial pain, Once his hand had left you the heat from the hit turned into instant pleasure making you gush more for him. With how wet you had now become it was easier for him to jackhammer into you at incredible speeds.

“You like that do ya, Filthy whore” He smacked you again on the other side. The pain this time makes you moan. “More” You begged.

“Fuck….Always wanting more, I’ll give you more bitch” He pulled you up by your hair so your back was flush against his chest. Pulling your head to the side he bit down hard on your pulse point. You felt the blood again rolling down your chest.

Gasping you saw stars as the pressure in your heat started to unravel for him.

Moaning loudly for him, When he released you, You fell face first back into the mattress as he gripped your hips bucking harder.

“Fuck...Mac...Mmmm” Your walls started clamp again as you felt the dam inside you burst.

“That’s it Y/N Cum for this cock bitch” He wrapped one hand around your throat tight.

Screaming into the mattress. “Mac...OH FUCK MAC!” He followed straight after, Pulsing into you, your walls gripping tighter to him dragging every drop of his hot cream deep into you.

Your legs giving in now, He collapsed on top of you pushing you into the mattress. Groaning in your ear.

“Maybe i won’t kill you. You keep this up and I’ll be keeping you around Y/N” He got off you slowly.

Redressing and throwing a spare overall at you.

“Get dressed we got shit to do”

When you had pulled the zipper up he led you out and back to his van. You looked between him and the open desert.

Gripping your arm. “You run, Not just now but ever fucking run from me again. I’ll gut you just like that spineless piece of shit. Ya understand?”

Nodding “Mac...Where else would i ever want to be, Your just like me... Fucked up...I need you” Leaning over you gave him a deep kiss. Thrusting you back against the hood of the car he took you again.

You knew now what kind of evil he was now, Although you had to give it to him that he treated you a lot better than Devon treated Regina. He trusted you enough to walk around without him instead of keeping you tied to the bed, Eventually even trusting you enough to help him with work.

His thirst for blood never ceased, He always needed to kill but stopped raping when he had you at home to come back to. Even with everything he had done everything you knew he was capable of doing you fell hard for him. All of it was worth it to be Mac’s Girl

Master List

Tag list

@jazzy1118

@one-shot-plus-size

@marvelfansworld

@phoenixblack89

@fuseburner

@angelofthorr

@pncnsc

@jodiereedus22

@delightfullykrispypeach

@honeyswritting

@daryldixonstorm

@browneyes528

@dixonsbike666

#red canyon #redcanyon #red canyon smut #mac red canyon #norman reedus #norman reedus smut #norman reedus characters #smut fanfiction #fanfiction #brutal fanfiction #dark fanfiction #dark fantasy #norman reedus is a god

[mysticalwaterdroplet]

WARNING! Looooooooooooong venting ahead about why d/h sucks. So if you ship it and have somehow Goren lost in this tag, turn around, cuz if you continue you might get hurt. You have been warned. Also I guess language warning and mature themes...? Just to be safe. I'd also like to give y'all a little side note: I guess I am what people would call a Hawks stan. I personally really like his character and find him intriguing, however I am completely capable of admitting that Hawks has done sum fucked up shit. I still however "stan" Hawks, so I'm going to show why d/h is shit from a logical Hawks stans point of view. Anyways, without delving too deep into the whole Dabi vs Hawks stuff, since I'm not here for it, I'm here to talk about the shitshow that's dabihawks. So, first of all I'll give y'all a lil back story as to why I'm here. Long story short: I accidentally stumbled upon some d/h art and people who still defend the ship (with already debunked theories mind you), I felt kinda sick to my stomach, so I need to vent. Like they were referring to the fight where Hawks killed Twice and basically said: "DiD yOu SeE hOw HaWkS wAs OnLy LoOkInG dAbI iN tHe EyEs ThE wHoLe TiMe. 🤪 ThAt'S sO gAy!?!?!??!??" Bish, where was Hawks and Dabi supposed to look at? THE WALL??? They were fighting! Of course they have to keep an eye on each other. They were also talking about how "DaBi JuSt GoT jElLy CaUsE HaWkS wAs HaNgInG oUt WiTh TwIcE, aNd Is JuSt ClAiMiNg HaWkS!" And they were saying so much more nasty shit that I'd like to write here, but I don't think I physically can, and I also want to spare everyones brains, cuz I already took the L, like if any of y'all know how to get back my brain cells hit me up. I also noticed a common theme of people making Hawks the bottom to like a point where they thirsted over the idea of Dabi "destroying" Hawks' insides, if you know what I mean. Which seems to be the opposite for many of you guys here with finding stuff where Dabi is the bottom? I mean I know many of you guys probably don't like Hawks, but you gotta admit that it's fucked up to think that these shippers think it's hot that one of the people in their makeshift relationship gets seriously hurt in the act without consent. Whether it is Dabi or Hawks they put in that position is irrelevant, they literally like the ship because it's toxic and someone gets hurt. Like in what world would Hawks let Dabi willingly even get close to him or vice versa. We all know damn well that they despise each other. Horikoshi has literally shown that these two never trusted each other, never even tolerated each others shit, so why oh why did this become a thing?! Also, and I know that this can sound annoying to some people... But as a Hawks stan, I don't understand how people can say: "YeAh, I sTaN HaWkS UwU 👉👈, hIm AnD dAbI dEsErVe eAcH oThEr AnD aRe So GoOd ToGeThEr." "ThEy DeFo FuKiN'! Is CaNoN! 🤪" Like:

So... Are we just gonna forget that Dabi literally burnt Hawks' wings off? (Which was understandable looking at the context.) Or how Dabi sent some goons after his mother? Or the fact that Hawks literally idolised the very man that Dabi hates with a burning passion? The shippers: "Oh, BuT hIs WiNgS wIlL gRoW bA-" Bish! The fact that Hawks didn't die or that his wings are allegedly growing back doesn't mean the ship is relevant again. Hoooooo... it's like I can't catch a breather once in a while. How are people trynna stan someone and then say: "Yeah, let's pair our favourite person with the person that is trying to hurt them." HOW!? My initial reaction when Hawks and Dabi interact is: "Fuck. Someone's gonna get hurt." Like if I could have it my way Dabi wouldn't be anywhere near Hawks, they are a danger to eachother. There is no damn way I'd want to see the character I stan for hurt, so why do so many damn stans ship it! I just can't wrap my mind around the "appeal". I just don't see the sexual tension that these people talk about. Anyway I could probably write a whole ass book as to why I personally don't like this ship

but frankly I don't wanna waste your time since it's toxic.

I would like to however debunk a couple of already debunked theories that people use justify the relevance of d/h.

The "childhood friends" theory: Yup. People still cling to it. However Horikoshi literally trashed, stomped on and lit the theory on fire. We saw that Touya went to a regular school and was trained personally by Endeavor. While Hawks was in the commission. There is no way that they knew each other. The way Dabi got Hawks' real name was through his mother. Dabi ain't dumb, he's actually smart and calculating to a point it's almost a little scary.

The "Dabi freed Hawks and Hawks will turn into a villain": Boi.... Dabi didn't free Hawks off anything. Dabi tried to kill him and exposed Hawks and his wrongdoings to the world. That ain't love. Hawks isn't even Dabi's main focus, Hawks is literally just one insignificant part of Dabi's plan. Also, like Horikoshi has wonderfully brought into light, Hawks would never turn to villainy. He didn't even kill Best Jeanist. And he's still, after everything, saying "Endeavor is in trouble." Clearly insinuating that he's going to still help Endeavor. This man is the last person to just become a villain. And people have the audacity to say he'd become a villain because of Dabi. I have no words.

Besides even if for example the childhood friends theory was true (which it isn't, but let's humour the thought) or even IF they were foils, it wouldn't change shit. We'd still be in this situation where they despise each other. Childhood friends wouldn't automatically mean that they'd get along as adults.

-------------------------------------------

Anyways, if you made it this far, you're a damn trooper. Thanks for letting me vent.

And as a short note to end on: I hope I didn't come off as too aggressive. That's not my intention here. Also the text is way less polished and thought out than I'd like it to be, but I honestly don't have the time or energy to give y'all a publishable version of "Why d/h sucks": the Book. So instead you get this. A hastily put together vent cuz I saw sum shit alright.

TLDR: People with a brain can see that these two aren't in love. There has to be some major mental gymnastics in play to get any whiff of chemistry from these two.

#anti dabihawks

[xpao-bearx]

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

#The Walking Dead #TWD #The Walking Dead AU #TWD AU #Alternate Universe #AU #Romance #Smut #Mature #Story Series #Reader #Female Reader #x Reader #Negan #Rick Grimes #Daryl Dixon #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #JDM #Andrew Lincoln #Norman Reedus #Incubus!Negan #Guardian Angel!Rick Grimes #Monster/Demon Hunter!Daryl Dixon #Negan x Reader #Rick Grimes x Reader #Daryl Dixon x Reader #Reader x Negan #Reader x Rick Grimes #Reader x Daryl Dixon

[marvelite624]

Couldn't sleep so

I thought I'd get up and

do some of this...

Think I'll begin by talking about

STRAIGHT PEOPLE

👇 you know, them 👇

You hear them pathetically whining about their relationship problems when they were younger. They were like, "Does he/she even like me?", "What if they say 'no'?", "Oh, my... what if this, what if that...?" What if y'all STOP for one minute and think about this: what if all that nonsense was the least of your worries? Try briefly to walk in my shoes.

I grew up GAY (here we go!) in the mid to late 70's. That's when I began to feel certain unavoidable 'urges'. I couldn't ask anyone out, couldn't hold anyone's hand, couldn't even look sideways at someone without consequences. If I'd broached the subject of attraction to another (boy) I'd run the risk of

Yeah, it never actually happened to me but, I did witness incidents. It was enough to convince me to keep my mouth shut! So I did.

I was nearing the end of my tenth grade in high school when the rumors started. The truth was finally out there. At the tender age of 16, I was branded "QUEER", "FAGGOT", "HOMO". My clique and I no longer clicked. I lost nearly all my friends...school became hell for me. The pointing, the whispering, the snickers (some of it to my face) very much like this,

(hope you've seen the movie)

I quit school, three times, tried to 'end it all' twice. I was 19 before I was able to form a real relationship with someone (*seebelow) This is a story that is probably mirrored by many, many others out there. And it's so bizarre to me, how straight people think THIS is a life that anyone would CHOOSE for themself. The purity of ignorance rearing its ugly head!

I've forgotten now where I intended to go with this. Maybe I simply needed to put it out there, give this generation a clue to what they've largely escaped. Maybe I wanted to give further insight into who I am...yeah, like any of you cares. I know better. Soon enough, I'll be back to 'peddling flesh', as usual. Not to say that that's bad, it's just...I'm so much more than a 'flesh peddler'. I thought this would be an outlet to share some of that, I was mistaken. But still I try and probably won't stop.

All of you can just fly past looking for skin and what-have-you, at least I know I had my say, that's more than I had before. I'm coming to accept (again) that no one's listening, that's nothing new. I guess I still feel the need to hold someone's hand now and again...so don't mind me. I'm often guilty of 'flying by' too. After all, if we stop to smell the roses, we could get punched in the face! Think about it...

(*A quick aside about that relationship. It was with a guy who sat two behind me in homeroom, 10th grade. He told me he had the biggest crush on me, said he loved the way I dressed so neat and pressed. He liked that I didn't curse or get loud and was always polite and attentive...things I never even realized about myself. But he, like me was afraid to say anything. All that time wasted. We could both have been a lot less alone 'if only'. He was the first man to ever say the words, "I love you." to me. And THAT sure beats a punch in the face, yeah?)

Maybe I can sleep now.

#bitchin' 'n moanin' again