#-> OH THE STRESS BRAIN HAS ME THINKING

[saltlog]

#※saltlog #-> losing focus the canvas #-> tristamp vash hums i made it a whole personal cope joke #-> humming or simply embracing the greatness of the HARD COLD floor does wonders for ur fight flight response #-> not great for public use however #-> but goes on also since i saw the ww likes weight on him.. wait #-> if vash liked pressure/firm surface from below they can lay like #-> in way that looks dumb uncomfortable but for them it's max comfort #-> vash laying like limp creature long limbs WIDE SHOULDERS take whole bed #-> and ww is glad to be buried under it #-> OH THE STRESS BRAIN HAS ME THINKING #trigun stampede

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[moeblob]

Demyx (my beloved)

#kingdom hearts #demyx #honestly is there an organization member i dont like? not really tbh #ok i lied maybe one but even then i find him fascinating so even he gets a pass #demyx being such a good boy who doesnt actually care for fighting then having the whole kh3 thing #where he has the yellow eyes but still just helps the good team vaguely then dips out of the entire game #where did he go and why .... what secrets do you hold young man #i should replay kh3 cause there are things i think i remember but idk for sure #like wasnt there actually a scene where hes just... been benched for being bad at being bad or smth #i really remember a scene where either he says or someone else is like oh yeah he got benched lol #like why does he have to be so funny yet get so little screen time im dying squirtle #though for the record him just handing a mannequin to even and saying peace out for the rest of the game WAS hilarious #this is me living the best time line where not only does demyx just dip and never get mentioned from anyone #but also in an otome i played theres a route where my fave guy just also dips early on #and then in the very end some other LI asks another LI what happened to him btw like where did he go #and the another LI was like oh my god i forgot about him idk man #my favorites just making an appearance and leaving is really funny to me #these tags got super long bc im very stressed and now devoting brain power to vgs in order to not cry

[sysig]

He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)

#Doodles #Commander Peepers #I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3 #*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins #I think there might be a theme here #Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired #And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol #The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3 #I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol #Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye! #Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol ♪ #Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs #I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat'' #Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing'' #And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol'' #Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom #And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol #But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s #Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes! #And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it #If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol #Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation #I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol #Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol #ANYway lol ♪ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D #I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c

[quietwingsinthesky]

s10 AU with jack just so that we can add another guy to this polycule situation going on. the doctor’s late wife river, his robot husband nardole, his evil imprisoned wife missy, and his boytoy jack harkness.

#jack doesn’t get the title of husband because he didn’t want it. he thinks boytoy is funnier. the doctor hates it so much. #(and also jack has Commitment Issues of the ‘what if i let myself get too attached to the doctor again only for him to ditch me a second #time that would actually kill me for real. override immortality and murder me. to death. permanently.’) #dear god can you imgine jack on the ‘let’s redeem missy’ team. first of all. first of all. doctor she tortured him. and she won’t even #apologize for it. but second of all oh my god jack is the worst possible person to give anyone moral advice. mr torchwood should not be #trusted to do that ever. just let him be eye candy like he was meant to be. being in charge of things stresses his pretty little brain out.

[storm-of-feathers]

:')

#not to be a substance abuser on main but fuckign. oops. #the stress of the season got to me and guess who is out of ambien until THE TWENTYGODDAMNSIXTH #mmmmaybe earlier if i get lucky?? argh #i used a lockbox previously to help prevent me from doing this exact thing but i figured out the uh #damnit whats it called. the failsafe ig that shuts the timer off #im so annoyed w myself bc once ive had one for some reason ambien brain is like oh boy lets have more. #and ambien alex is an incredibly shitty combination of dumbass while having all the smartness of normal alex #so its not like i can hide them from myself or put them in puzzles or something #im so so annoyed w myself but i think like. not having it is the punishment i deserve #ive really tried to switch off ambien but its the only thing that works bc it slows my brain down for two seconds #which has the effect of Me Being An Idiot #vent #gooood i hate talking ab this bc ik ppl will always be like ''just do not be prescribed ambien/do not abuse it'' BRO I AM TRYING #ya boy used to be on hard drugs im doing my best here

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tfw a wave of pain that hits u so hard ur like. uh oh. i gotta go home now #i put stuff in the autoclave and then it hit me so hard i started sweating. i limped home. layed on the floor for half and hour #and then wandered back to pick up the glassware and go back home #i feel a lot better now that the ibuprofen has kicked in and im laying down. but woof. usually i dont get any pain #but then come the weeks like this. my sympathies for the ppl with sever and consistant period pain. i do not envy u #<- i wrote that this morning. i feel pretty normal now. hope that doesn't happen again tomorrow bc that sucked #now i just gotta stress abt finding an apartment and thinking abt what i wanna draw #like do i do something for b4rricade day. or n4ruto. or b4tman. im really feeling thr b4tman vibes #or do i just do nature stuff. ugh but god that takes so long with the coloring. oh shit. i aslo have a m3rlin thing half done #so many options. so much going on. my chaotic brain is flailing. just pick something bro #unrelated

[andthebeanstalk]

"Oh, Jack. You silly boi. You know that help at the top of the stairs is no help at all."

---

Art piece i may delete later about my parents offering money to me and my sisters to pay for either grad school (a thing I don't want and can't do with my disability) or my wedding (also a thing I don't need/want), but not for anything that would actually help me escape poverty and find stable housing and income.

Like, I recognize the privilege of being able to complain that my parents have offered me a bunch of money but in the wrong way.

But also if that money is on top of a flight of stairs that I can't climb (but my sisters can), then I haven't really been offered money, so much as I have watched money I need be placed somewhere I can't reach it. Which tbh feels worse than if it was never mentioned to me in the first place.

I was gonna send this art to them and i wrote this big long message to go with it, but then I decided to wait until my therapy session on Tuesday to talk it thru with her first, since I've literally never regretted doing that.

Besides, both of my parents are lawyers and right now they're providing me and my friends with a lot of free legal advice about this property we're trying to buy together, so I don't want to rock the boat currently.

I just wish I knew if I had access to that money as a poor person in need of stable housing and quality disability care, and I wish my parents weren't world-class hLepers who have a long and triggering history of engaging me in rigorous debate about the kind of help I should be allowed to receive from them as a disabled person.

Nothing like having to provide an argument that would hold up in court every time I'm sick and need help! Love that! Love that I can't even talk about money with them now without having invasive thoughts about it for days to come due to past incidences in which this repeated behavior of theirs literally endangered my life!!

Not like I need that mental capacity for working on the largest and most exciting opportunity of my life that also happens to line up with my hopes and dreams for the future!! It's fine!! What do I even need mental capacity for anyway?????

This wouldn't even be the first time this little Distrust Fund has caused problems for my relationship with my parents. They are very opposed to that money being used to help my disability and it has caused PROBLEMS for us that we have never quite recovered from.

It's just difficult to be reminded that although our relationship has gotten better (mostly thanks to me setting boundaries), that doesn't mean they now actually believe what I need for my disability when I tell them.

They really do love me, and they have only ever acted with the best of intentions . But good intentions cease to matter when the impact is harmful and repeated. And they have proven to be repeatedly incapable of providing non-ableist support for me again and again and again. They've even genuinely tried to learn; and sometimes it really seems like my mom has made progress with her therapist (who is disabled), but who knows when I can so jarringly be reminded of how quickly that toxic ableist thinking can show its ugly face.

It's so clear to me and they don't even know it's there.

It feels like I'm in a horror movie when I try to get them to understand their own ableism, and that is a good good sign that I may want to consider an approach that minimizes my mental damage instead. Even if it means I don't get their stupid, deeply-conditional-and-yet-the-conditions-are-SO-vague-and-they-won't-admit-it money.

#original #diary #ableism #ableism cw #if they actually trusted me they'd just give me the fucking money but WHATEVER #maybe it's cause of all those times i was really reckless and irresponsible with money-- OH WAIT. THAT HAS LITERALLY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED #I GRADUATED BUSINESS SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND HAVE NEVER HAD ISSUES WITH OVER-SPENDING #maybe they subconsciously think I'm stupid w money bc I'm poor. but i doubt my sisters could just get the whole lump sum either. #I HAVE BEEN LIVING FRUGALLY MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE YOU BASTARDS #I would say there's a 5% chance they pleasantly surprise me but I have to be careful not to spend too much energy on it #the invasive thoughts around my family's ableism are super aggressive and constant when they start #and so i would rather have no help than that stinky-ass hLep that hurts my brain and heart so bad for days after #hLep #anyway i don't want their help paying for a wedding bc i am housing insecure with no income and so is my wife #and besides that wedding planning is hard and stressful and involves either including or snubbing relatives i don't like #so like if you offer me thousands of dollars i would be like Great! More savings means more safety and security! #i would NOT be like Okay time to spend $2000 on fucking flowers I have SHIT GOING ON #if i have a wedding then the cost will be the cost of pizza for all the guests. #also govt says i can't get married or i lose my disability payments so ryan and I just decided we are married years ago #i need SO much disability care equipment that i don't have and i am unable to hold a standard full time job #but yeah sure maybe I'll go get another DEGREE despite my interests being completely non academic. fuck OFF. #i have been writing or making art about this all evening this is not how I wanted to spend the evening it is past 4am #hopefully this processing and drawing and journaling will allow me to remove this issue from the very forefront of my mind #it's a careful line to walk between processing and obsessing. but good processing helps you stop obsessing #hopefully I can save some of the more painful parts of this for therapy so I can focus on other stuff for the next couple days #listen if interacting with someone in a certain way makes you feel like you're in a horror movie then something needs to change #and sometimes the change is that we need to make literal and emotional distance between us and those people bc they aren't learning #okay okay time for edibles and a shower i fuckin earned it and even if i didn't I can do whatever I fucking want 👌 #and also I deserve nice things by default #and so do you

[cloudsrust]

Currently trying to rewire my current main fixation with one of the lesser ones since I need tame and relaxing thoughts atm,,

It's hard.

#the cloud can speak oh boi #I love PM games but they do stress me out a bit too much- thinking of dropping Limbus C. exactly for that reason #I could still follow someone else's gameplay afterall- I'm still very sad about it;; #but yeah- I'm in a very stressout mindset rn that is really taking a toll on my health #and I'm trying to change everything I can into something more relaxing #obvs cannot change classes and projects so that's unremovable stress alright #so I'm trying to get my brain to fixate again on more chill stuff- like Pokemon and Professor Layton- #or on comfort games like Smile for Me (oh boi how long has it been since I was in that fandom?) or deltarune #...god instead of getting better it just feels like I'm getting worse and worser- this really isnt my year #and I'm so sorry all you all are hearing from me is just rants and complaining;; it's just- rough.

[janiedean]

I got thinking about genderbends in asoiaf and how they have to change the story, realised... Davos' stays p much the same! Smuggling doesn't seem to need social standing or combat, if Marya's a guy then they still can have kids (maybe he was also a smuggler, but got his whole hands cut like was common so now he's a stay-at-home dad), women can probably be raised to noble no problem... and if any king would consider a female hand, it would be Stannis the Mannis.

Alternatively, het stavos with f!Stannis (Sarrah!!) Only works in the pre-series, but still. This teenage girl Lady commanding over the seige and a hundred hungry angry soldiers, caring for her baby brother. Having a terrible opinion of men bc of Robert (she was probably told to 'smile more'...) and expecting to marry some shit lord, but falling for a really nice, respectful smuggler. Being scared of meeting Marya as Davos' 'mistress' but instead getting a big ol HUG. I think she'd like sewing.

... you know what anon, you're having a third galaxy eye open here because EVERYTHING WORKS SO PERFECTLY HERE I'M DGDSJSDJLKLGSJK honestly if I wasn't completely behind with everything I'd be plotting either of these right now but like... let me reference them because YES THEY WOULD WORK SO NICELY T__T and omg f!stannis and marya being friends would be so precious!!! and yes f!stannis would be absolutely great at sewing and fine manual stuff I KNOW SHE WOULD BE T__T

#anonymous #ask post #is crocheting a thing in the middle ages #would f!stannis stress crochet i think she would #would she do it in modern au yeah most likely #oh god now i'm thinking of f!stannis gifting davos like 50 scarves #because her brothers don't want them and they're assholes #fucking hell please stop me right now #stannis x davos for ts #stavos for ts #why is my otp tag for these two fucked lemme see #otp: the sea has returned to me my knight of fish and onions #AHA there it is #anon sorry for the late reply but yhis is GALAZY BRAIN SO MUCH #*galaxy #jfc i can't spell anymore

[floorpancakes]

posting this cursed thought while im tired so i cant take it back later

#its not the funniest possible phrasing but #listen i was watching a cat video and the thoughy came fully formatted into my brain #my brain fully formulates insane tweets to the word in my head a lot #bearer of the curse (niche unfunny instatweet subconscious) #no im not tagging this #i think the fact that it actually works is the key part here like itd be extra funny #we should be applying weird cat habits to catboys more #WAIT I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING EVEN BETTER #whenever shopkeeper watanuki is stressed especially when its not visible on his face #itll look totally normal from the outside and then hell like #totally neutral smile faced just fucking thwap drinks off the table #unhealthy coping habit where he just baps stuff off tables and then cleans it up while complaining to himself #obviously hes like a polite boy at heart but i like the idea that when hes in the trenches he just acts a bit wacky #imagine the scene with the girl asking if she can fuck his man but instead of whatever he actually did he just silently baps her tea #i need to think of more weird cat habits to apply to him #he wakes up one morning and hes been sleeping in shrimp pose like an idiot #imagining a felt genshin hoyofair style scenario where zhongli style he just has ears and a tail with no explanation and nobody cares #the only person questioning it is him hes like why arent yall mad at me isnt this weird???? #and then like 10 yrs later hes obsessed with like tail care regimens like tighnari or something #for a second i was like oh god this is cringe and then i remembered i dont care! #and also its canon compliant to exploit this specific character for funny catboy yaoi and dress him up like a bjd #like thats one of the key charm points of the character like hes prepackaged for these sort of fucking stupid shenanigans #hes like THE catboy everyone everyone else calls catboys dont even come close lol #watanuki is literally exploitable catboy girlsgogames dress up doll maker 5000 (with bonus depression) #when i get good enough at art to do some sort of MAD for cat food or envy cat walk or something its fucking over for everyone

[xxswagcorexx]

deep sigh i think its time to open up scrivener and work on that swagsune ashu fic .,.,.

#anyways. hi whats up. its time for core to talk about the creation process #bc my brain is Full #also hey who knows maybe this will help. some1 #but !! idk ive been so pressured to be hashtag deep and hashtag introspective on my fics #and i am just. i have a big space in my heart for comedy ok #i love things that make me laugh and making others laugh!!! #so i think i will treat myself and write something that'll make me laugh . go crazy. so stupid #also literally no one is pressuring me its just. was just thinking and went 'oh huh i like making people/myself laugh' #also i keep on adding Pressure on myself by going 'ohhh there has to be a rlly deep meaning to my work!!!!' #instead of letting it run its course and letting it speak for itself #so i think. this is just a good exercise to get me out of that mindset yk??? #combining my fav things: objectively Crack fics my personal interests and worldbuilding #also its been. Stressful for me #so i think some relaxing funsies fic is good. for me #so yeah :) if you see a silly fic in the tags soon: dats me #me treating myself and having fun hehe #anyways yeah. ramble over. i just think its good to acknowledge my feelings sometimes. n troubleshoot. so yeah :) #text.core

[perigelion]

ive been kinda thinking of trying out a new hobby... maybe i should give embroidery another go

#my parents visit left my brain in a state of cringe fail. i need some kind of Thing #maybe i could crochet some more that went pretty well #or draw again. havent done that in a while #i keep thinking 'oh ill do x' but then stressful things happen and i am exhausted #it was also nice when i was on my workout kick but im not sure how to integrate that back into my life #LE SIGH #it would also be nice to do a people thing of some kind or like. just meet friends more often lmao #i am not very good at people but its ok #i did a thing that usually makes me feel better but it didnt and now im just like. sad. #so i am. Trying. To make life more bearable fucking hell #actually maybe ill crochet something. idk what. but it will be a Project #tomorrow i need to go out anyway.. hmmm... #and ill get myself flowers and also make plans to cook something and get some nice music on #re: people thing #i have a coworker i am getting along with somewhat well. i could ask if she wants to go somewhere maybe #she is a little annoying but like. arent we all. she has good intentions ig #and once i deal with my garbage i could invite the two friends i wanted to invite back in june over #AND another friend we havent talked in ages but i messaged her last month and we met up. it was nice. #AND my other friends that i also didnf talk to much for a bit but we met up this monday. they wanted to have a 'girls night' kinda thing #with cooking and face masks. the fun kind. #sigh. itll be okay. this gets published anyway in case yall have fun hobby suggestions <3

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

#vent incoming this is your fair warning #read no further if you don’t wanna deal with all that #i’m soooooooooo so so so sososososo tired. it’s not even funny #and i can’t focus on anything and it’s a really bad time for that because i have finals to do 😐👍🏼 #so i’m spiraling into my ✨finals depressive episode✨ which doesn’t just stop with anxiety about finals. oh no no no. #i also think that maybe everyone should hate me because i can’t do anything right i can’t even focus on the one thing i have to focus on #and also likeeee what’s the point of any of this (life) #i also am currently convincing myself i bother everyone and need to stop talking so much #which like. evil brain. not true not true not true. #i know people love me i’m just feeling like i’m doing everything wrong and maybe i’m too much #and it’s hard to push past that #especially when it comes to feeling like i’m being too much of. well. me. #i’m just very stressed and overwhelmed and it’s making me depressed and feeding my depression’s anxiety #the depression has its own anxiety separate from the tiana’s anxiety #i need a hug. and for everything to be done #there’s wayyyy too many essays i have to write #so i’m shutting down and doing none because i can’t focus #i literally zone out for most of the day and then it’s like oh. #anyway sorry needed 2 vent

[deeisace]

Fucking christ

#managed to escape to bed before 11 #dad put on some american thing and then went out to help my grandparents' carer with my grandad getting to bed #im pretty sure my stepmum's upped her methodone to cope with being alcohol sober for the first time in at least 20 years #shes falling asleep and slurring her words just the same as she always has #idk we don't talk about it #idk if dad's done the same but he's very proud of not having had a drink for 6 months #anyway i woke her up so there'd be less bother about me going to bed #and she gets me a pillow cs i didn't have one and is like #and is talking about like my dad goes out to help his parents every night (in a tone of voice of isn't it awful) #and how my nan's looking better than she was - which is good obviously #but i can't help thinking of the other week my nan couldn't breathe or really talk and rang my stepmum to help her #because she couldn't breathe and thought she was dying #and my stepmum told her like. all as if it's trouble. oh well i can't stay long ive got things to do. #to an old woman who's lungs are full of fluid. who can't breathe. and thinks she's dying. #anyway. #im going to do my best not to think about any of that #oh also one of the characters in the american thing dad put on is trans and my stepmum was immediately like oh dyou think she's a man? #no. no i do not think she's a man. fuck offfffff #anyway. anyway. #i am. going to turn my brain off from stress by watching death in paradise

[smugraccoon137]

Been getting vertigo a lot lately. Like a lot a lot. Sometimes it's fine. I get a little dizzy whatever. Other times I find myself falling and taking an adorable little tumble.

"Whoopsi I fell! Tee hee"

But internally I'm like

Jesus fuck do I have brain cancer

#Remembering Kels first book and how the love interest fucking DIES #because she has tumors in her brain #And she gets dizzy #Headaches #And falling #And she's says it's just stress #And then oh fuck they find out #And I yeah um #Totally not thinking about that #Totally not thinking about my oddly prophetic boyfriend #Nope not me #No death for me #I've got too many years to be a chronic workaholic for #*sweats nervously* #text #textpost #I think it's a altatide thing though #We've below sea level so maybe that's it?