#Bro how do you fuck up that bad to accidentally post an entire season to your vimeo account PUBLICALLY lmao

[shima-draws]

Wait! Season 2 is out!?

Yes and no? It hasn't been OFFICIALLY released anywhere, but I believe sometime in 2020 the episodes were accidentally leaked online and were reposted to streaming sites before they were taken down. So you can find all of season 2 on most cartoon streaming sites, but season 2 won't officially release to the public until the Netflix premiere next month.

SO be sure to support the official release when it drops, but yes you can watch season 2 in advance if you want :'D

#Bee and Puppycat #Shima answers questions #Bro how do you fuck up that bad to accidentally post an entire season to your vimeo account PUBLICALLY lmao #I mean good for all the fans bc we can watch the season in advance but. Hhfjasdas #I watched all of season 2 on kimcartoon :') #BTW all of the episodes are 20 minutes long so it's actually a full season #And not the short 6 minutes we got for the s1 episodes #I will be rewatching all of season 2 when Netflix premieres it bc I want to support the official release #Also bc season 2 fucking slaps. #sasuhinasno1fan

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

You know, like, 90% of my ships are directly your fault lol You just make them so damn compelling! Like the witcher, i've seen the 1st season and i'm trying to watch the 2nd one, but honestly i just find it kind of... ok? There are good things, but it just feels so... a man's show about a manly man made for MEN. and those to me are usually just, like, meh. But damn if I'm not reading geraskier fics becase of you lol

Ohhh I just sent you an ask yesterday about the witcher, I hope it didn't come off as me badmouthing the show! I was thinking about it and got worried about how I said it. I know you like it and I wouldn't do that, promise. I just meant it in the sense of how it's funny to read fics about characters without necessarily having seen the show they're on, just based on posts about how good their chemistry is

no worries, i wasn't offended at all! twn season 2 is... well... let's say that it's flawed. some parts of it are impeccable, such as geralt and ciri's relationship and jaskier's songs, but they turned eskel into a tree for fuck's sake. they killed roach. for that alone i would throw hands.

the fandom has strong feelings about s2 and most of them aren't great. and yes, there's a certain "this show was made for gamer bros" vibe to some parts, but it's far from entirely like that. i haven't watched vol II of season three yet due to being in a good omens haze, but vol I was wonderful, character-wise. from a technical standpoint it was also quite flawed, but if you're there for the characters it was delightful.

and while geralt is definitely a Tough Manly Man with Repressed Emotions, he's never one of those guys. he risks his life to save people, he's grumpy but kind, he regards rape as a serious crime and treats women with respect, he's endlessly gentle and supportive with his daughter, he refuses to kill except to protect others... and he does it all while being a grumpy, sarcastic bitch. i love him SO much.

and of coure i love jaskier, who joey put his entire pussy into portraying as a queer poly man who falls in love with everyone he lays eyes on, who's a prissy little brat but also endlessly kind and giving. i love how he's never scared of or intimidated by geralt no matter how the bastard growls, and i love that he's the only one who ever asks geralt what he wants.

ugh, they fuck me up so bad. i'm glad to have infected you. wish i had a blog badge for that lmao. since you're reading fic, have you read the accidental warlord series by @inexplicifics? it's like, the geraskier fic for me lol, i've read it like a dozen times or so by now.

#geraskier #the witcher #anmechokola #ask

[nbrook29]

💞 My ultimate Sobbe fic recs 💞

Recently, I have gone through Robbe/Sander tag on ao3 and I decided to compose a list of fics that are absolute gems for me. A few disclaimers first:

✔ I didn’t include works in progress (WIPs), however I did include fics that are only on tumblr

✔ the order of the fics below is random

✔ this is the list of my personal favorites so if your favorite fic is not on the list it doesn’t mean it’s bad or that I consider it bad - we just vibe with different things :)

✔ if there’s a fic on this list that you decided to give a shot and loved it, please remember about leaving a comment under it to let the author know that

✔ I’ve been trying to add the “read more” thingy but it doesn’t show, I’m sorry, I know long posts are annoying af

under 1k

we’re keeping it simple by noobishere | G

Summary: Sander comes over unannounced and attacks Robbe’s very person (a.k.a the one where Sander teases Robbe on Eenvoud)

This is a guaranteed mood lifter. It’s short, sweet, to the point, and oh so funny. The banter. And I’d die to see that in the show. 

1k - 5k

Fizzy Colas by Foxsake5 | M

Summary: Let’s say this is a clip (hopefully not as short as the standard 1:40 of this season) with Sander as the main on a ‘bros night out’ 🍻

This author is my queen/king alright? They take a simple idea and turn it into the most lovely/cute/soft story. This fic is exactly that. Sobbe’s chemistry here is out of this world and the banter is to die for.

high for this by flowersmaze (@bowieskam) | G

Summary: In which Sander remains a Flirt™ and in love with Robbe even when he can’t feel his face after a medical procedure

The summary says it all. Loopy Sander is the cutest and funniest thing.

Pull Me from the Dark by TheOceanIsMyInkwell (@theoceanismyinkwell) | T

Summary: Sander discovers that Robbe has recently been prescribed antidepressants, and Robbe opens up to him about the night he almost stepped off the bridge. Only love will show how much they’ve grown and pull them through.

This time, the boys talk about Robbe’s mental state which is unusual in fics. This oneshot is communication 101. And this line is just 👌🏻 “But after the dust of their first kiss and their first vows of commitment settled around them, Robbe took a look at the space in which he floated and realized, somewhere along the line, that finding the love of your life doesn’t fix you.”

diminuendo by noobishere

Summary: Waking up feels like an ordeal. His eyes are heavy, arms a dead weight, he isn’t sure if his limbs are even in the right places, but eventually, Sander comes to. (a.k.a a take on how Sander fairs after Robbe left for school.)

Sander’s POV after Dinsdag 7:27. It’s a great insight into his headspace during that time. This could be a scene in the show because it fits so well.

you’re wonder under summer sky by nothingbutniall | M

Summary: Two city boys go camping. What could go wrong? (Everything, apparently.)

Those boys are a chaotic mess okay? They’re such dorks. This fic has the best kind of grumpiness there is and sobbe is written so in character here.

if we can make it through december (maybe we’ll make it through forever) by nothingbutniall | G

Summary: Robbe and Sander at the Christmas market.

Can you imagine those two dorks at the Christmas market? Well you don’t have to anymore because this fic is everything you need and more. And this line “Couldn’t,” Sander sulks. “You can’t hold hands properly with mittens on.” makes me go all gooey inside every.single.time 😍

A New Sunday Feeling by Foxsake5 | M

Summary:  Sander before Robbe: Ugh, Sundays 😒 Sander after Robbe: 😏🥺🥰

The way this author writes sobbe’s intimate moments is just pure talent. They have such way with words.

memories painted with much brighter ink by nothingbutniall | G

Summary: Saint Nicholas is the perfect excuse for an evening of gifts and banter with the flatshare. (Basically all five of them being cute together, and then Robbe and Sander being cute with just the two of them.)

This is the perfect fic for an October evening, when Christmas is just around the corner and you’ve just made yourself a cup of coffee and want to read some heart-warming well-written christmassy fluff. 

5k - 10k

Let’s Dance by msleviss (@sander-driesen) | G

Summary: Robbe and his friends go to a club to check out Amber’s DJ cousin.

THIS PERSON PREDICTED DJ SANDER Y’ALL. And Robbe thirsts over him. And there is an instant connection. And Robbe dances. And it’s so cute.

video phone by tokyometropolis (@luludemauryyy) | E

Summary: AKA OH MY GOD, THEY WERE QUARANTINED…except not together, because life is cruel. Thankfully it’s 2020 and when Robbe has an…er…intense dream about Sander in the middle of the night, all he has to do is press one button and Facetime him about it. Thing is…sometimes FaceTiming isn’t enough.

Look. I get that smut fics are not everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s totally fine. But. If you’re looking for a well-written smut that’s in character and where you can feel the love between the characters, this is it. Hands down. Sorry not sorry 💁🏼‍♀️

10k - 20k

our camp of dreams by robbesanderx (@robbesdriesen) | M

Summary: a summer camp!AU where robbe and sander are both co-counselors

Misunderstandings lead to pining. Teenage angst at its finest. I really like camp stories, it’s my thing.

Falling For You by silver_etoile (@azozzoni) | T

Summary: Robbe only knows one thing about football: that Sander Dreisen is the hottest player on the FC Utrecht team. When Jens drags him to a match, the last thing Robbe expects is to meet someone so perfect, and it’s all he can do not to mess it up, but will he succeed?

Sobbe in a different setting with a bit different dynamic yet still having that special something. It’s a nicely written story of the development of their relationship, first meeting, falling in love, ups and down, all the best things in fics. And Sander as a soccer player is a pretty 🔥 concept (and I think Robbe agrees).

This isn’t our first time around by noobishere | E

Summary: One moment they are in the kitchen of their shared apartment, the next, they’re in this strange but familiar room.(a.k.a the au in which they accidentally go hopping through multiple universes)

The universe takes matters into their own hands and shows those silly boys that they are meant to be. Sign me up for the ride.

Coffee and Croques by peaceoutofthepieces (@peaceoutofthepieces) | G

Summary: Sander works at the on-campus coffee shop with Eliott, and he might just have a crush on the cute boy in the brown coat.

I’m a sucker for coffeshop fics. There is just something so good about them. This one is the coffeshop!AU that sobbe deserves. Oh the pining, and the secretive looks, the silly boys, and a pinch of Elu. Me likey ☕

The finest of the meadow by allforyoumylove | M

Summary: The universe brings two lonely boys together in a flowering meadow. They fall for each other fast and hard among delicate daisies, warm summer breezes, and shooting stars.

This is magical. My comment on the work was “So soft, so beautiful, so THEM, ugh.” and I MEANT that. This is just the right amount of sweetness. This is a must read. I’m not messing around. 

two side of the same coin series by MajorAccent (@acespaceacepilot) | E

Summary: the valleys and mountains of sander’s bpd

How the boys handle Sander’s ups and downs. Robbe being the best boyfriend ever. I love how good he is for Sander, being there for him, not treating him like a baby, and not controlling him. How much he tries to make it at least a little bit easier for him. If you don’t want to read explicit stories, at least give the first part a try since it’s not E rated. 

Zaterdag 9:58 by Foxsake5 | M

Summary: What happened after the croissants dropped to the floor 🥐🤭💕

I meant it when I said Foxsake5 has great way with words. Every single piece of theirs is just “chef’s kiss”. This fic is a definition of a domestic fic. Oh, and it happened. Totally. It’s my headcanon now.

its an unrequited love by eggsntoast | G

Summary: Sander works part-time at a museum every Sunday. Robbe is a frequent visitor.

A Sander POV fic. I was sold from the beginning. The development of their relationship here is so cute, and they’re being so stupid with their pining instead of just talking to each other and you just want to shake them but at the same time you’re rooting for them so hard. Oh and did I mention pining?

20k+

Jij Verliest series by ravenbrenna09 (@djsander) | M

Summary: For the past three months, Robbe’s life—and what it once was—had been stripped away and rearranged. Now, if anything, his life had become a bit repetitive: homework, stream, ignore Thomas’s Instagram, repeat. But one Friday evening, Robbe meets a hurricane in the form of a platinum-haired tattoo artist who just might show him everything that he’s been missing.

This is a long series okay? But oh so worth it. It’s captivating and you don’t want to stop until you finish. And once you finish you’re sad it’s over even though you’ve just spent 8 fucking hours reading it. It’s amazing. But you probably know that because it’s quite popular (rightfully so). The best thing is that you expect it to go bad halfway through because it’s difficult to keep the quality on the same level in a fic that long. But it doesn’t.

Visitations by lucidpantone (@lucidpantone) | E

Summary: Does Robbe and Sander’s relationship survive into adulthood. This fic takes place in two simultaneously timelines: the past and the present.The present occurs in one entire day. Both timelines are completely out of chronological order. Everything is in clips.You can be dropped in at anytime of the day in any timeline. So clip by clip you will need to piece together what happen to Sander & Robbe and why the present looks the way it does and what happened in the past that got them there.This love story is a journey. So be prepared.In the words of one of our Even’s. It’s a complicated love story between complicated people.

This is not a regular fic. The author put so much thought into it, there are so many gems, so many little things that you have to pay attention to because it.all.matters. And there is not one interpretation. Don’t you just love when a story forces you to think and use your brain? Cause I do. Not gonna lie: this story hurts, and like the author says themselves, it’s a journey. But oh my god get in because it’s amazing. And the ending is just sjsjsjsjsddhdhsdsgdsg 🤯

the night we met by themoongirl (@dearsander) | T

Summary: Robbe Ijzermans has a brain that won’t let him sleep, a chest that feels far too heavy and thoughts that never stop.During his first year of college he meets Sander Driesen. Robbe finds what he never went looking for.

A college AU. This fic is a journey of pain and fluff and humor. It has awesome friendships. And sobbe falling in love. And liminal spaces. I read it a while ago so I don’t remember it as well as the others but you know what? I still remember that it was great and I’m lowkey happy I don’t remember it that well because now I can go and read it again. 

The Stars Look Very Different by @peaceoutofthepieces 

Summary: Robbe is bored. He’s bored of listening to his friends talking about girls, and his other friends making out, and no one ever doing anything. He’s tired of having to put in all the work, of making his own fun. He’s tired of feeling nothing so he doesn’t have to feel like nothing. His party stunts are pushing the limit, his thrill seeking beginning to worry even his friends, and his carelessness is toeing the line of dangerous.

He’s a little tired of being ‘dangerous’, too.

Sander may or may not have a crush on the older boy with the apparent death wish. He wouldn’t mind a little danger.

Once I started reading this fic, each day I was waiting for an update at the edge of my seat which was a feeling I expected from s4 that did not deliver. TSLVD definitely delivered. My favorite sobbe social media AU

Ziggy Stardust Series by skamsnake (@skamsnake) | M/E

A collection of fics taking place throughout the season. Most of them are E rated so be aware of that but it’s a really cool mixture of fluff and spice *fans myself*

#wtfock #sobbe #robbe x sander #wtfock fanfic #sobbe fanfic #SHOW UP IN THE TAG

[takatou]

answered sum charahub questions about keisuke/my headcanonz about him... ill post it below the cut <:3

Birthday: he gives me sagittarius/scorpio vibes so idk late november early december? november 20th maybe

Zodiac: scorpio or sagittarius

Species: dog human

Gender: cis male

Significant Other: good question

Physical Description: average height, maybe a slight manlet, relatively in shape, maybe kind of heavier but not a lot. probably always has sweaty and cold hands. he has vibes that he's the kind of guy who's always sweating or fidgeting so i assume he'd be kind of clammy at times. he has really pretty eyes and a nice face, probably has chapped lips though. ah ah dont try to lick them now dry lips having ass

Sexuality: either straight or bi w female preference

Favourite colour? blue

Does your character collect anything? i don't think he would

Allergies? probably has none outside of bad seasonal allergies

Theme song? glad you asked

Alignment? hmm i wanna say chaotic neutral. 

Deadly sin that best represents them? lust/wrath

Which animal would they be? ….hahaha :)c you know

Patience level?

high, but he doesn’t take bullshit

Regrets? many. probably any time that he fed into his thoughts/urges, and in canon probably like Everything

Role model? NATSUKI

Favourite foods? anything really i doubt he'd be too picky. 

Favourite book? you think keisuke can read?

Dream place to live? somewhere nice and calm. he hates conflict, drama, and anything that's super… draining. he seems like the kind of guy who'd like to have a chilled out life because he's been through so much already and it doesn't help his headspace any at all.

How do they feel about love? weird. very weird. he doesn't know how to deal with it.

Smells like? deodorant. overpoweringly like deodorant half the time. otherwise he just smells like clean clothes. but he sweats a lot, and he slathers on deodorant so no one smells his nasty stress sweat, so he just exudes Man Deodorant scent. nasty fucker

Bad habits? biting his lip, biting the inside of his cheek, pacing, overthinking, losing things

What turns them off? unreactive partners, that's probably about it. i was going to say shit but we all know kei is a poopy poopoo ass 

Pet peeves? being laughed at, passive-aggressiveness, cattiness, people who chew with their mouths open, people who don't mind their business

Personal problems? his sadistic thoughts are the biggest one that comes to mind. he also has a major issue of not believing that he is a good person and taking the intrusive feelings/arousal and enjoyment he gets out of this as being an intrinsic part of who he is. he doesn't recall his trauma at first but even after he remembers it i doubt he'd tie it back to his fucked up thoughts. he believes that he's just a sick fuck and deserves nothing and that he's bound to give in sometime, and that's just… untrue. 

he doesn't treat himself well and while he isn't exactly the pictured stereotype of bad self-esteem (boo hoo im so bad and i hate myself im a sadboy) he definitely has garbage self-esteem internally. like he beats himself up to the point of breaking down often and he overthinks this. 

he obsesses over it rather than just accepting it as something that he can't help; the fact that he enjoys it makes it extremely hard for him to treat it as an intrusion upon his psyche. keisuke believes that he is at his core a horrible person and in that he is self-sabotaging himself. 

Religious and to what extent? Any spiritual beliefs? probably not.

Kind of student if they attend/were to attend school? (e.g. class clown, straight A) he seems like a complete straight-edge student. i feel like he'd finish all of his assignments but he could fall behind sometimes. i feel like he wouldn't outwardly be a troublemaker but he would entirely have issues at school despite being very smart, he would probably have classic symptoms of trauma despite not recalling it; memory loss, lack of interest, inability to focus, and so on. he would try his best but ultimately need to work harder than everyone else to stay afloat.

Random fact! oh a canon fact here: the motherfucker needs to wash he penis!!!!! sir wash your dick cheese i love you but ew!!! bro thats not a dick thats a mozzarella stick!!!

What ONE item would they take to an uninhabited island? his dick?

Outlook on life? it sucks probably idk 

Favourite object? his dick?

What (if they can) does your character eat? anything. he's really not picky, and he doesn't have the patience to cook or make food half the time.

What is something other people assume about your character? most people assume he's just a boring average dude, if not a little bit odd or quiet. he always has his hair in his gotdamn face so like he kinda looks like an emo kid 

Do they like the name they were given? sure

Nervous habits? biting his lip, tapping his foot

Glass half full or half empty?

half full. he tries to be optimistic but fails sometimes so more like half full but he accidentally knocked it over so he's too worried about it spilling

Wants to have kids, raise a family? i feel like he doesn't care either way, if the girl he's with wants kids ok, if not ok

Do they stand up for what they believe in? usually. he's not afraid to say what's on his mind or to argue with someone.

How much do they value money? moderately. he knows he needs it to get by, and he likes to have spare money, but he's no eugene krabs you know

Wants to get married? probably? he doesn't care if he gets married or not, the relationship itself is what matters, not a piece of paper between the two of him

Passive, aggressive, or defensive? aggressive/defensive

Cat or dog person? dog. haha. get it becaus- [gets hit by a truck]

Are they ticklish? hmm not really/sorta? not really in normal places atleast he gives me vibes of someone who's only sliiiightly ticklish (like maybe flinching or something but not rly reacting) except more obscure spots (like neck/lower back/knees or something idk) but i feel like it depends on his mood too, no one's really ever tried i wouldn't think except maaaybe kanae or nemu would probably. but it's pretty hard to get a reaction out of him, he just gets kind of embarrassed if anything

Coke or Pepsi? they taste the same to him and he doesn't really like either, he probably prefers something else but i'm not sure what, probably some weird ass mountain dew flavor or some weird ass off-brand soda. 

Favourite holiday? he doesn't seem like he places a lot of emphasis on holidays? maybe his friends' birthdays

Nickname(s)? kei, kei-chan

Body modifications? (Piercings, implants, tattoos etc.) just the thing on his neck, he probably doesnt really pay it much mind and covers it just to avoid questions

If they could have one thing in the world? yeah can i get uhhhh Repaired Brain

Would they dare kill someone? yes if you push him hard enough or provoke him enough he will

Involved with magic or witchcraft? nah

#keisuke takato #takato keisuke #euphoria #euphoria vn #clockup #clockup euphoria #hc tag #this is so LONNGGG

[amandabe11man]

a VERY LONG post about Hell on Wheels

YEAH i forgot about this post in my drafts... it’s been like a year since i finished the show now and i feel i’ve barfed everything out into this post (that i can think of), so here it goes (you’ll have to shield your eyes after the spoiler warning if you don’t wanna be spoiled btw. i can’t seem to be able to add a read more-link...) :

SO... i finished watching “hell on wheels” at last, pm half a year since i started. it’s funny because i was under the impression that i’d sOMEHOW be able to binge all five seasons within just one month (reason: i wanted to watch it before my free trial on HBO’s website went out). honestly, that wouldn’t have been possible because it was a LOT more emotionally draining than you’d think at first glance... after being gutpunched three times in a row in season 4, any reasonable human would need a little break.

anyway, it feels-- weird. i’ve never been big on following tv-shows so i haven’t been able to relate to that feeling ppl describe once they’ve finished a show they’ve become so attached to, except NOW i can relate. the show’s not groundbreaking, it’s not perfect, but i’ve had a lot of fun. what a ride it’s been...

looking back, i’d say HOW’s biggest weakness is its tendency to forget or ignore certain plot points. i guess that’s not too weird, with such an arsenal of characters, but still, i find that’s what bugged me the most, if anything bugged me at all. for example--

[SPOILERS for those who might wanna watch it after seeing me go on abt it, idk]:

first off, what REALLY grinds my gears is how ezra dutson’s plotline was handled. it was set up perfectly in the beginning; having him escape from the swede (who promised him that, and i quote: “i’ll find you, ezra! i always do”), the original plan was obviously for ezra and the swede to “reunite” some time in the future so that ezra could tell everyone that the swede killed his parents, thus tying up loose ends and giving some closure to that whole arc. some might say this would’ve been too predictable, but i would rather have that predictable storyline than having it just end unceremoniously like it did, with ezra dying ACCIDENTALLY and off-screen by sidney snow’s hand, simply as a way to further bohannon’s pain and set the stage for ruth’s final arc. this might’ve been fine, if the writers had made it so that ezra actually, y’know, TOLD SOMEONE WHY HE’S AN ORPHAN TO BEGIN WITH. but they didn’t even give the viewer that form of closure, instead just deciding to use him as a plot device for the other characters’ increased angst... bohannon and the others were never even made aware of ezra’s last name, and this is all what bugs the everliving SHIT outta me: the only ones who know, or will EVER know, ezra’s full story is the swede and the viewer, tho after season 4′s end, ezra is never mentioned or acknowledged again-- not by bohannon, and not even by the swede. ezra went from convenient character with a PURPOSE to “nameless” orphan forgotten by history. thanks, writers...

then there’s the whole deal with campbell coming to town to reinforce The Law™, which wasn’t a bad arc, mind you-- campbell and his goons were the most infuriating little shits for a while there-- but the thing is; didn’t campbell LIE to his men about the president giving him the position as governor? i might’ve misunderstood it, but i’m PRETTY sure the president didn’t give him THAT much of an upstanding role, but that campbell just went ahead and took that position anyway? if that was indeed the case, then that’s another plot hole, cause nobody finds out about campbell’s possible trickery to become the governor. nobody rats him out, despite literally no one in “his” town liking him all that much, so they’d have no reason to protect his “secret”. (correct me if i’m wrong on this one though. i might be misremembering things)

then there’s the other pretty infuriating issue of bad guys never getting called out for doing bad shit (unless it’s the swede, who gets all the blame, all the time), for example:

major dick bongbendix(???idk he had a silly name like that) is presented VERY MUCH as a bad guy in the beginning. y’know, just casually beheading natives on all his missions and collecting those heads and taking them to the bar like a fucking nutcase-- those little details. he also seemed to believe in racial biology, so yeah, definitely not a good guy. but by the end, he’s been watered down into some quirky guy who’s ALMOST on friendly terms with the main characters. yeah, uh-- seems everyone (writers included) collectively forgot the whole public display of cut-off heads he had going on...

aaron hatch: started off as a guy too proud for his- or his family’s own good when he shot the police officer, BLAMED IT ON HIS FUCKING SON and then just kinda let bohannon hang the kid even though it was pretty obvious hatch was just shifting the blame away from himself. THEN he reappears with some other mormons and causes a full-on shootout in the town (probably getting some people killed, i don’t remember), TAKES EZRA (also a mormon) HOSTAGE SO THAT BOHANNON WILL COME WITH THEM WILLINGLY and passive aggressively forces bohannon to marry his daughter who bohannon knocked up. somewhere along the line, hatch’s bad side is just thrown to the wind, and bohannon at one point describes him as “a good man”. yeah, ABOUT THAT--

sean and mickey mcginnes: unlike the ones mentioned above, these two started out as seemingly decent dudes, but ended up pm as secondary villains in the end. however, like the ones mentioned above, they hardly face any consequences for whatever crap it was they did in boston, OR the fact that they killed and fucking mutilated/dismembered a man in cold blood (a man who WAS gonna kill them, yes, but HE did it because he thought they had killed his friend, which wasn’t a farfetched idea since mickey DID brag about killing the dude even though he didn’t actually do it). sure, they face their OWN demons as time goes on, they get ostracized, and they start losing faith in each other as well, which ends up with mickey killing sean before the latter can confess(?) his/their crimes. so, while sean was spineless and a creep, at least he thought about finally owning up to what he’d done in the end, whereas mickey lives on to keep doing shady shit, killing people, and getting increasingly more corrupt. he does end up pursuing new goals in the end, but it’s obvious he’s not happy about it anymore. that’s-- really all the comeuppance he ever gets, and the only one who knows about his shady businesses are pm just bohannon, durant and eva (also, personal gripe here-- they seemed to not settle for “just” tarring and feathering the swede and publicly humiliating him, but i’m pretty sure i recall mickey telling bohannon they were thinking about having the swede killed too. keep in mind, this was BEFORE the swede truly lost it and started killing people left and right. apparently, being kind of a douche about taxes is bad enough to warrant being tortured and cast out by the entire community... i’m obviously biased here, but still-- the mcginnes bros’ double standards are amazing to behold)

now that i’ve aired some of that out-- here are some highlights, according to me:

unexpected friendships, like that between eva and durant. i’d say the swede finding that stray dog and fawning all over him qualifies into this category too

durant and campbell fighting in the mud before finally coming to an agreement -- just- durant and his competitors being petty as fuck, honestly. it’s hilarious

bohannon trying to get through to elam by reminiscing about their friendship, especially since bohannon isn’t one to show his feelings often OR get sappy -- in fact, EVERY time bohannon loses his stoic facade is a good moment. when he was gonna bury elam and he just broke down completely for the first time since we were introduced to him... that shit had me in tears as well, but man was it a great scene

jimmy two-squaws

every time the swede opens his mouth (yes, even when he’s spouting some lies and bullshit like that)

ruth’s character development. i admit i didn’t like her at all in the beginning, idk something just felt off about her, but man did she ever grow on me. just-- how everyone kinda relied on her eventually, even though she’s only like in her 20′s or something... she still became a pillar of the community. bless ya, ruth :’ı -- also, her essentially adopting ezra was Pure as heck. I Lov it

the fact that this was the 1800′s and the only backlash the (openly) LGBT characters faced for it was pm just “yeah they’re a bit confused maybe but they’re not hurting anyone”. maybe that’s not very realistic but WHO GIVES A SHIT AMIRITE

mr tao just being a sweet old man

chang’s sunglasses, straight out of Django Unchained

mr toole’s complete heel-turn from racist POS to someone who sticks by his word to turn himself around. that shit was impressive coming from him, tbh

bohannon just calmly running into a buffalo by the train tracks

mei posing as a grown man instead of a boy (which is what she looks and sounds like, oml)

another thing i realized is that bohannon is a classic gary stu. there’s just no getting around that fact after seeing him being revered by most everyone he meets, how he’s somehow the only person able to build the railroad(s) fast and efficiently, and even wooing the literal PRESIDENT and becoming close friends with him-- all this despite his Bold and Brash personality. of course, there’s more to bohannon than these gary stu-symptoms, but i felt someone should bring it up, for the lulz

#hell on wheels #amc

[littlestgahena1301]

Poison In My Mouth

Post-Kidnapping. A time where Bakugou starts cooking to ease up some past stress. Anxiety got the best of him, and his perceived notion of peace got even more shattered than before. 

It's my first time trying to write any fic for this fandom, but I guess I should give it a try anyway. Also, English is not my first language, so please mention if I made some mistakes down there.

Word count w/o intro or outro= 2048

________________________________________________

The pan starts sizzling. Oil hissing just loud enough to let Bakugou know it's ready. Dutch onions was the first to go in. Slightly cold cresents descend on hot metal, Bakugou watched closely as he tries to lose himself in the process. After all, as a perfectionist, Bakugou won't let anything stop him from giving his absolute best.

 Salt was thrown in just a bit late for the onion to preserve some of its natural sweetness. The batch that he got from the supermarket was pretty decent, and he would feel terrible if he failed to bring out the best of them. Salt draws out the moisture from the onions and makes their original taste a bit more concentrated in the center. A little bit goes a long way in this situation, as he needs to layer in some more seasoning later when other ingredients are piled up in the pan. He throws in a bit of chicken oil that he got from dry frying the skin earlier. Then comes the chopped chicken bits.

 Sauteeing just enough to have them on the verge of browning, he had them pushed aside for other ingredients to come in. Mushrooms are generally hard to go wrong with and long beans just for that speck of greens peeking through. The green beans are pre-cooked though, he made sure to drown them a little bit in hot water for a bit so that they are not too crunchy when he's biting through it. He's making fluffy omelet rice, nothing in a fluffy omelet is supposed to be too crunchy.

 The green suddenly reminded him of someone, for some reason, it took him back to that night where he sees Izuku rushing over to his side. Bloodied, hands purple and broken, so much that it pains him to just even recall the image. The sharp phantom pain that he felt running his left arm as if a jolt of electric briefly course through it. He instinctively curled in and grab onto his arm to massage it, although secretly knowing that it was just his mind playing tricks again. He shook his head as if it would also shake off his previous thought, and then he focuses on cooking. Remembering that night would bring him no good.

 After they are good enough for him, he continued with just a slice of butter. Forget dieting for a bit and let's not be pretentious here, who the hell would say no to butter? His quirk works in his favor to burn off fat anyway, so there's almost no harm to it. He took a bowl of cooked rice into his hands and crumble them into the pan. Making sure he spreads it out evenly so that its more natural for him to mix it. After giving it a quick mix, he poured in a ladle of sauce. Beef demi-glace, his favorite.

 Just earlier today, he contemplated using canned stuff but decided against it after reading the ingredients on the labels. He knows how to make his own sauce, albeit it was a tedious and lengthy process. He found that he couldn't really trust canned sauce since most of them are usually laced with food coloring and with too much sodium to boot. Besides, making his own sauce gives Katsuki a reason to stay in the kitchen just a little longer. So he did. Made his roux, add in some tomato paste, and only spent about an hour reducing the stock. In turns out well, and Katsuki was satisfied with its consistency.

 He mixed it well this time, making sure that no rice is left uncoated. He makes sure nothing is too dry. The hot and crisp summer weather would usually make cooking a little bit faster but also causes his ingredients to dry out a bit too rapidly. It also makes him just a little bit more sweaty, which makes cooking a little bit tricker. He might just accidentally let a few drops into the fire and boom! There goes all his effort! It's a good thing that the room has air conditioning and proper ventilation that he only had to remember to turn on before cooking. Katsuki generally avoids staying too close to the stove for a long extended period if these resources were not available. He placed the rice in the shaper and set it aside.

 Now, onto the main star of the dish. Katsuki oiled the pan just a little bit more to make sure it doesn't stick. Just enough for it line the pan for the size of the omelet. He poured in the egg and was quick to move after noticing it starts to solidify. He goes on shaping the omelet, flicking his wrist to keep it moving and rolling onto itself. This process had to happen quickly, or the egg will be cooked through, but getting it off just too quickly, and he'll end up with a raw middle. That's not something Katsuki wants to see tonight.

 He quickly went to lift the shaper with his left hand, revealing its perfect shape. He steadies the egg on top of the right with a pair of chopsticks. He took a knife to cut it open; as expectedly, it opens up to reveal a partially gooey inside. He smiles to himself, he still got it.

 He reaches out for the remaining sauce and scoops up just enough to let it run down the sides without drowning it. After garnishing it with some chopped spring onions, he felt quite proud of himself. Yeah, too bad he couldn't show off his skills entirely in front of his classmates. He bet they'll be begging him to cook for them, and Katsuki would definitely need to tell them to scram.

To think back, he didn't get to really taste the curry that he made during the camp. He didn't even get to check if they got the recipe right. All because of the.....

 The...

 ..........

 He felt a hand wrapping itself around his neck. Katsuki tried to pry it open, but when he reaches out, he made contact with his own skin. The fear never left him despite knowing nothing was there. It ran through his back as if an apparition slowly run their index finger, tracing his spine, while a malicious smile cracks their pale and ghastly faces.

 Katsuki notices he started to sweat. A familiar pop was heard from his closed fist. He didn't realize he was gripping the spoon he had in hand. A small ribbon of smoke emitting from his now open palm, barely visible in the dark-lit- room.

 Katsuki had no idea why he was so tense that night. His sleeplessness brought his feet to the kitchen, and he thought it would make him feel better. Tired and worn out, it might help him fall asleep.

 He shook his head again.

 Now's not the time to think about that. Besides, Katsuki shouldn't waste his perfectly-made food. His mom would've shouted his name loud enough to be heard by his whole neighborhood if he was ever late for dinner.

 And now here comes the first bite. Katsuki expected it to taste just as usual since this is a recipe that he made so often, he could do it blindfolded.

 He put the spoonful inside of his mouth and closed his eyes to savor it. The flavors swirled in his mouth.

 Bitter.

 Bitter.

 What is this metallic taste in his mouth?

 Was it blood?

 Was the chicken raw in the middle?

 He opened up his eyes to stab through one of the chicken pieces to check the doneness. It looks fine to him, so why does it taste so bad?

 He took another one.

 Bitter.

 Bitter.

 Raw.

 Raw.

 RAW.

 Then everything tasted bitter with a hint of metallic taste no matter how much he avoided the chicken pieces. He didn't understand, when did it go wrong? How could he mess things up after making it for so many times? Katsuki didn't think that he could let this haunt him the entire night. Refusing to give up, he lits the stove back up to give it another try.

 ________________________________________________

 Kirishima does not usually wander at night, especially on days when he'll be too tired to even do so after a tough gym workout. His muscles are hurting a bit too much for him to fall asleep. Was the soreness from a strain? It looks like he needs to pay a visit to Recovery Girl in the morning.

 Initially, he had only planned to grab some water from the fridge and then go back to his room. But after seeing plate after plate of omelet rice placed on top of the dining room table, he immediately forgot of his purpose for coming there. He recognizes Katsuki from behind, his face dimly illuminated by the stove fire.

 "Bakugou? Bro, what are you doing?"

 "Can't you see for yourself? I'm cooking! What else would I do in the kitchen?" his voice hiked a little bit. Not that he never screams, Kirishima just didn't expect it.

 "Well, you sure made a lot of these..."

 "Trying to get it right, Hair for Brains," He grumbled.

 Kirishima got curious and took a bite from the nearest plate. It was a little bit cold but otherwise its a perfectly fine plate of omelet rice.

 "Hey, what are you saying, man? These are great!"

 "Shut up, I'm trying to focus! Something's off."

 Kirishima took this liberty to taste every single one of them. Most of them taste the same, only differing slightly from one another. Kirishima settled for the most recently made one since it's still a bit warm. Seeing how Katsuki didn't stop him from eating, he thought that it's okay to eat them. Katsuki doesn't seem like he would eat all 5 plates anyway.

 Katsuki gave the sauce another taste. Bitter. Blood. "It's still off."

"I don't know what you were expecting, Bakugou..." he trailed off as he took another bite. "None of them tastes bad."

 Katsuki turned around to see Kirishima eating his latest one. "Who the hell said that you could eat those?"

 "Well, you certainly didn't say anything about it earlier."

 "I was going to compare them!"

 "Yeah, but it's sad to let this one get cold like the others. Sides you still have like another half a plate to compare with."

 Katsuki sighed, feeling defeated at the sight of the half-empty plate. "You know what? Fuck that plate! Just clean up after yourself, and don't get it my way!"

 "Oh, thank you!"

 Katsuki continued to re-evaluate what he did as the sauce continues to cook. Looking for weaknesses in his approach or his technique. He even brought down some notebooks to write down his steps. He just couldn't find anything wrong with what he was doing. Was there something else that he misses?

 Katsuki heard the tap being turned on and saw Kirishima standing at the sink next to him and was washing the plate from earlier. He then dried the plate off and put it aside.

 "Thanks for the meal, man. That sure hits the spot."

 "Yeah, whatever."

 "Would you invite me over to test some more if you're planning to cook again?"

 Katsuki was perplexed. "Hah? I'm not gonna cook for you, damn it!"

 "But doesn't food taste better when you are cooking it for someone else?"

 "Never heard anything like that before." Katsuki gave him a skeptical look.

 Kirishima grinned."I heard that from my mom! She said that food turns out better if you cook for someone else, especially if it was for my siblings and me!"

 "Yeah, sure, you're just trying to get me to cook for you."

"And what's wrong with that? Does your food always turn out bad?"

 Katsuki fumes."NO WAY ANYTHING I MADE EVER TASTE BAD! I'VE BEEN COOKING SINCE I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HOLD A KNIFE, HAIR FOR BRAINS!!!"

 Kirishima giggled. It's so easy to get Katsuki to see everything as a challenge. "I'll look forward to your delicious food then, see ya!"

Kirishima grabbed the bottled water from the fridge and went on his merry way. Katsuki felt a smile creeping up his face as he saw how giddy the redhead was after the meal. He turned back to his stove to taste the newly made sauce. His smile grew wider.

 Spicy.

 Savory.

 Sweet.

________________________________________________

Hey, its me again!

 This fic was based upon an experience I once had with food. I noticed that I have a lot of anxiety after entering college, and it basically made every food taste bad. Some of the food did taste like blood, but not as severe as what I described in this fic. I just imagine that it's more heightened since his situation ends up as much more traumatic.

 I noticed this after I ate something a few months ago, and the taste change midway after getting a trigger. At first, I thought the food was simply bad or poorly done. I started cooking sometime before at my rented apartment and found out that none of them taste as good as I remember that, and that deters me away from cooking.

At one point, everything tastes like a poison that I have to shove into my mouth to survive. This thing is not a singular incident too.

 There's an article that said that mood greatly affects our taste buds, and things get more delicious when we're happy. Stress and anxiety could cause some changes in your perception of your five senses. Make sure your mental health is always in check if you are noticing these changes.

 I started cooking again recently, and while some of them didn't turn as good as I thought, my tastebuds are functioning correctly once more.

 I had help from a friend that's a regular home cook, and she's very open to answering my kitchen curiosities. I start slowly building back the confidence I lost, and now I can say I am at least not the worst chef ever lived. And hey sometimes you need a second opinion from someone you trust, and that's why I choose Kirishima and Bakugou because both of them play off each other so well that their chemistry is just natural. I also relate a lot to Bakugou on a lot of different aspects, so seeing him recover is also giving me some hope that I'll improve too.

If you are suffering from this condition, I suggest checking it with a doctor. Sometimes it might be other things other than stress or anxiety. If, however, if it was anxiety-induced, you could come back to eating after you calm down. No use of eating if you hate it.

@recoveryzine 

#recoveryzinecontest

[punkcryptids]

LIFE IS STRANGE 2 EPISODE 3

okay, so throughout the recent life is strange games i have made posts such as this one; I would make a bullet-point list of my ideas and thoughts of the game, certain little lines or details and shit. i did this for the farewell episode, i think before the storm (at least one of the episodes), and captain spirit. i tried to do this for life is strange 2, but Tumblr fucking killed itself when i tried, like i even restarted the fucking episode to redo it. so i don't think ive done these for life is strange 2, but honestly they're a lot of fun to rant out my opinions of the game and the little details and shit so, without further ado, here's this -spoiler full- little list.

also, little sidenote: i had no clue this was supposed to come out, i heard jack shit about it so like, the day after it was released i saw an article, googled it, and fucking died and felt so stupid. so anyways. let's begin.

*spoilers ahead, ill tag the post too but smh once got anon hate over this shit*

ok just to start this off, the little like "last time on life is strange" refresher is really nice and unique and i fucking love it still

the wolf drawings v cute

not game related but this fucking incense im burning is floating across the screen and it's so fucking ominous

ALSO NOT GAME RELATED BUT FUCKIN MY HEADPHONES GIVING OUT

why the fuck is Chris a racoon

okay now game points for the a c t u a l fucking game??

ok this fuckin music fuckin kicking

ok i like the choice to start this episode with like a flashback, i really like that choice (also three bullet points in a row i start with "ok" v original)

yo sean wanna give me that weed bag? could use some brother skksks

fuck Daniel his room nice af

honestly the instant thought when Daniel came into Sean's room was that he was stealing his weed? cause I could've sworn that's where it was in the first episode

i love his dad sksksk

i hate that fucking toy okay, it's awful

ok low-key, i hate kids and if i Sean I'd be so annoyed? because like he came into Sean's room when he's been told not to, and like snuck in there, and then lied about Sean hitting him (bc I didn't hit him) and then as soon as Sean goes to apologize he's like "get out" like u little hypocritical shit hhhh. love Daniel but it's fuckin annoying

"and don't touch my stuff" (comes into Sean's room and touches shit)

LITERALLY FUCKING TOOK HIS WATCH BUT "don't touch my stuff"

Sean is a dick to Daniel sometimes but like he still acted like a good brother in the end and i would've been pissed so like good on Sean lmao

JESUS FUCK HIS HAIR

*inhales* AAAAAAAA

love the drawing of the deer smoking

wonder why they got kicked off the ranch

bRO A WEED FARM FUCK HIT ME UP SEAN WHAT U DOIN

i want a fucking joint Jesus Christ Sean fucking share? rude ass

ok so ur shirtless

good doggie

accidentally trapped the dog whoopsies

american grafitti

"fuckin ranch of hell AVOID" what the fuck happened there?

i like penny, he seems cool af

Daniel's fucking hair yikes

also why the hell he being a dick to us for? why the fuck it so hostile?

I like Finn too

"it was my turn" you had been throwing them?? for the entire morning wHY IS HE FUCKIN MAD AT US??

YOU FUCKING USED YOUR POWERS SO I WOULD MISS WHAT THE FUCK

NO FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE YOU JUST FUCKING THREW ME

Daniel is pissing me off I s2g

why is asking about the watch a "big choice"

oh okay so finn replaced sean and now daniel is just a little fucking asshole about it

big Joe big angry

he just fuckin hit her head what the fuck hell yeah I'll intervene fuck you??

why does he want to talk to me what the fuck did i do

okay if Daniel loses us this job i will fight him

am i really trimming weed rn i dont think y'all understand how much my stoner ass is jealous

uh? random ass glitch of flying scissors

okay whatever sounds effects are in the background of talking with Finn sound like lis 1 music and im freaked

if we get caught while training I'm murdering someone

new emo daniel

that music is fucking intense

"im not a kid anymore" I'm gonna fucking hit this kid I s2g

pass me the BONG

"how come you can and i can't" YOURE NINE DANIEL GODDAMN WAIT A COUPLE YEARS

I GET TO HIT THE BONG

ok Sean, you had one like mediocre bong hit and like two hits from that joint like you should not be that high. high screen is cool tho

ALSO HE DIDNT CLEAR IT THERE WAS STILL SMOKE

someone pass me more weed

I have taken 3 drinks of this beer and Sean cannot see anyone but the guy he's focusing on

i wanna stay with these guys ffs I don't want to go to mexico

fuckin daniel, hhh i feel bad that I didn't go with him but i wanna have fun :(

edgy boi now

IM ABOUT TO GET IN SO MUCH SHIT FUCK

this song is a bop tf

i feel like they haven't had as much copyrighted music in this season

nice work montage

i wish there was an option to say I'd buy Daniel some food that he wants :/ I get we have to save but fuck :/ trying to win big brother points and game won't let me

thank u Merrill im glad ur not mad at me uwu

DANIEL I SWEAR TO GOD

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

DID HE JUST

don't punch out finn i love him

why is Daniel showing him his powers like i get he threw the thing at big Joe but why this necessary,,,

can we give Daniel a haircut now like im sorry but his fuckin hair

FINN YOU CANNOT USE DANIEL TO BREAK INTO SHIT

they like took 1 drink of that beer and it was done what

you cannot fucking use daniel if they make me i will feel like shit

gimmie tattoo

ok ik I should probably say "wolf" bc of the symbolism throughout the game but like fuckin surprise me Cassidy

what is with this episode and fuckin nudity

i can literally see her nipple under the water wtf u good

I didn't talk to anyone else, just Finn and then fucked Cassidy so ya know

fucking finn are you fucking serious

shut the fuck up stop trying to convince me shit

fuck you I didn't fucking do this

fuck you finn

and you got him fucking shot you fucking proud? hm? fucking dick.

ok so Cassidy is still here, and Finn, and Merrill, and I swear to God, if fucking Daniel left us I will fucking

THERE'S A FUCKING GLASS SHARD IN MY FUCKING EYE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

okay so uh this episode? not my favorite. at all. especially because the choices didn't fucking matter. the "big" choices are supposed to fucking matter but they didn't and that really kinda pisses me off. and idk. i didn't care for this episode but like :/ time to wait till august

#spoilers #life is strange spoilers #lis spoilers #life is strange #life is strange 2 #wastelands #life is strange episode 3 #daniel diaz #sean diaz

[hoogiehowser]

MEDIA DIARY JANUARY

:::::::::: MOVIES ::::::::::

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) I liked this so much I ended up seeing it twice. The animation is on a whole different level from everything else in theaters I just can’t believe it. Nothing has immediately endeared me to a character more that when Miles gets to the place where he’s going to put up graffiti and yells “BROOKLYN!” to get the echo. Absolutely perfect. 

Happy Death Day (2017) The trailer looked good but the trailer for the sequel looked even better. Good time repeating movie. Way better than Blood Punch. I’m excited to see more of this.

Alien: Covenant (2017) Had no clue what to expect going in but I actually dug it. It’s just Alien again like every Alien movie but what they do with David from Prometheus makes it really interesting. There’s also some straight up slasher movie sleaze that definitely appeals to me.

MacGruber (2010) It’s just a bunch of dick jokes while a bad action movie happens. There’s no clever spin to it.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002) Wanted to watch this due to the Fast & Furious connection. It’s a great movie about overachievers and getting away with shit. I think Justin Lin is a great director and his unique voice benefits every movie he does.

Collateral (2004) I didn’t realize until the credits that this was a Michael Mann movie but it was so obvious in hindsight. The premise is simple, Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx are great, and everything comes together in a genuinely cool film.

Wilson (2017) Based on a comic I don’t particularly like from Dan Clowes’ grumpy old man phase. The cool thing about the comic is that each page works on its own and has a different art style. The movie can’t do that. But it’s still faithful to the book which means it feels like a series of one page gags strung together until it finishes. Woody and Laura Dern are great though and it is pretty funny at times.

Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare (2018) There was another truth or dare based horror movie a year before that was a Syfy original. The Syfy one is better. The problem with them both is the supernatural contrivances that make people play truth or dare against their will. It’s such a strained premise.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Guy Ritchie made a King Arthur movie and it feels exactly like you’d expect. 

Thoroughbreds (2017) Girl who can’t feel emotions befriends girl who is very politely hiding her extreme emotions. Things get bad when they start to think about murder. Anton Yelchin plays a druggie scumbag loser. It’s such a good movie. 100% my kind of thing.

:::::::::: TV ::::::::::

The Great British Baking Show (Beginnings, Collections 1-4) Got addicted to this one. I love cooking competitions shows and pleasant ones are usually the best. I like seeing competitors that like each other. I like Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry not trying to tear people down. I love Mel and Sue. It’s just a nice show for the nice people.

Toei Spider-Man (Episodes 1-5) I’m not a big toku guy but Spider-Verse got me curious about various Spider-Men. Takuya Yamashiro wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he was injected with blood from the last survivor of Planet Spider and carries out a mission against Professor Monster’s Iron Cross Army to avenge Planet Spider and his own father. Next to nothing present from the classic Lee/Ditko Spider-Man and that’s totally alright. I’m going to try to watch more because the episode where Spider-Man has to donate his blood to hurt child has some serious heart.

The Prisoner (Episodes 7-17) I started watching this a while ago but only now got around to finishing. Mostly super clever plots and the atmosphere is always great. Patrick McGoohan sells it every single time. Some of the later episodes go really off the rails though. There’s an entire wild west episode. Nothing in this stretch tops my favorite episode, The Schizoid Man, where Number Two brainwashes Number Six to act differently and then forces Number Six to pretend to be Number Six while a different man is already pretending to be Number Six. The ending is solid though and carries a really good tv series to a confusing, surreal end.

Cutthroat Kitchen (Season 7, Episodes 1-7) Polar opposite of The Great British Baking Show. It’s the Mario Kart of cooking competition shows. Everyone tries to fuck each other over and Alton laughs at them the entire time. It’s brilliant.

:::::::::: PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ::::::::::

TJPW Tokyo Joshi Pro ‘19 (January 4) I don’t follow TJPW and don’t know any of their wrestlers besides Meiko Satomura but I watched this because it was on before Wrestle Kingdom. Meiko vs Reika Saiki definitely made the show worth watching and the rest was pretty alright. Lots of fun, new personalities that I like.

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13 (January 4) Probably the most I’ve looked forward to a show and it absolutely delivered. For the past few years I’d watch WK and recommended matches but in in July I started following everything NJPW. That added investment made this WK special. Ibushi/Ospreay tore it up and I really hope Ibushi recovers soon. Jay White/Okada shocked me. Naito/Jericho was fucking brutal. And Kenny Omega vs Hiroshi Tanahashi was a match I was so invested in that I thought I was going to cry. If you haven’t checked out New Japan yet this show would make an excellent start. GO ACE!

Impact Homecoming (January 6) Impact has gotten pretty good. I’ve only seen a few of their most recent ppvs but it’s obvious that they have a wealth of talent and they’re willing to tell the kind of dumb stories that I really like. Since Homecoming was in Nashville I went and it was one of the best shows I’ve been to. The energy was insane all night and LAX vs Lucha Bros has to be the best match I’ve seen live. Now that they air on Twitch I’ve been following the weekly show and enjoying it quite a bit.

WWE Royal Rumble (January 27) I always love the rumble but the rumble was weird. Both rumble matches were okay but filled with dumb stuff and way too many recovery spots that were immediately deflated by the person getting eliminated. I like the winners. AJ/Daniel didn’t deliver like I wanted. Sasha and Ronda had a good match. I loved how Finn Balor worked Brock Lesnar’s diverticulitis. Fun show.

NXT UK Takeover Blackpool (January 12) NXT UK doesn’t really grip me aside from the women’s division. I liked this well enough but nothing really changed my mind. Finn Balor made a surprise appearance and he looked like such a star compared to everyone else. Excited to see what WALTER can do here though.

GCW 400 Degreez (January 12) GCW’s brand of hardcore indie nonsense is my absolute favorite. 400 Degreez isn’t the best they’ve done but it was full of disgusting beautiful deathmatch bullshit. Markus Crane vs Nate Webb especially.

NXT Takeover Phoenix (January 26) Takeover always delivers. Johnny Gargano vs Ricochet was definitely the match of the night. I don’t dig the War Raiders schtick but their match was great. Bianca Belair and Shayna Baszler also killed it.

:::::::::: COMICS ::::::::::

One Piece by Eiichiro Oda (Volumes 1-10) I wanted something long to start reading so why not One Piece? Enjoying it so far. I like getting the crew together and Usopp’s story in particular is great. Oda is a master cartoonist. I love every time we get reaction faces.

Spider-Man: Fever by Brendan McCarthy Spider-Man fever got me wanting to revisit Spider-Man: Fever because I remember liking it. I still like it. Doctor Strange accidentally opens a doorway into a spider dimension and Spider-Man gets caught in Doctor Strange’s bathtub and the alternate dimension spiders take him. All this and McCarthy’s art make Fever pretty far out. 

Spider-Man 2099 by Peter David, Kelley Jones, and Rick Leonardi (1-15) Miguel O’Hara wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he had Peter Parker’s DNA put into him by weird future DNA machine and he wages war against the gigantic corporations that control everything. I like Spider-Man 2099. Miguel is so different from the Peter Parker archetype and he’s got claws and fangs. He’s brutal. It’s got a neat post-hero future kind of like Batman Beyond. I stopped reading because the next part is a crossover with Punisher 2099, Ravage 2099, Doom 2099, and X-Men 2099. I’ll hopefully pick it back up because I want to know what happens with the hologram that’s in love with Miguel. 

Spider-Man by Kazumasa Hirai & Ryoichi Ikegami Yu Komori was bitten by a radioactive spider and he definitely wishes he wasn’t. It starts off a lot like our usual Spider-Man but the villains are so much more tragic and Yu deals with some heavy shit. Ikegami’s art evolves from cartoony to serious as the tone of the book changes. He’s a really incredible artist who is consistently pulling neat tricks and trying new things. I really liked this and it may top my favorite Spider-Man comics. It’s just so bleak and unforgiving to poor Yu. By the way, the final plotline is exactly the same as the Sonny Chiba movie Wolf Guy. Turns out the comic that movie was based on was written by the same guy that write Spider-Man. An odd find.

:::::::::: VIDEOGAMES ::::::::::

Axiom Verge Had my eye on this for a long time and finally picked it up on sale on my Switch. It’s okay. There are a lot of clever ideas here that I don’t think work for me. But I do like the decorrupter and the teleport. Some of the movement feels great but some stuff like the grappling hook feels awful. I hate the story. Completely incoherent sci-fi nonsense. But it’s a fun game and I enjoyed my time with it.

Hollow Knight I’ve spent about 30 hours on this game and I feel like I’m close to the end of the story. I absolutely love it. The movement, the combat, and the exploration all feel excellent. I’ve played over ten metroidvanias in the past year (I really like them) and this might be the best. My favorite part about them is how you’re almost never wasting time because there are new secrets to discover all across the map and Hollow Knight does such a good job with that.

#media diary

[alivingfire]

So i've just recently started reading sterek fic. And i've completely fallen down that rabbit hole. So i was wondering if you could recommend some good fics as you seem to have been reading some recently? It would be amazingly helpful if you could. Thanks! - Sam

you’re damn right i can rec you some sterek! 😊 i tried to pick some that weren’t just on the first page when you rank by kudos. here we go: 

sterek fic rec

→ Play It Again (ABSOLUTE FAVE. stiles’ characterization is PERFECT)In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.

Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)

→ Say Something (my favorite The Sheriff Finds Out scene ever)That first time Stiles decided it was probably wise to let sleeping werewolves lie.

→ The Socioeconomic Repercussions of Mutually Assured DestructionThe trouble with having the kind of brain that likes to write essays on male circumcision for an Economics class, is that it also likes to turn PowerPoint presentations for Biology into odes on the perfection of notorious bad boy Derek Hale’s backside.

��� Fly a Little FasterEveryone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn't step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain?

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That's easy as pie, right? Right?

→ Hell Is Other People series Stiles discovers the hazards of growing up a real boy when, at heart, he's not a real boy at all.

→ Safety in SilenceIt's perfectly understandable. Even Derek wouldn't want to be Derek's soulmate.

→ Crash Landers In which Stiles learns to Stalk That Stalk. (Or, how to accidentally woo your unfriendly neighborhood alpha in roughly five hundred handwritten steps.)

→ this boy, half-destroyed (don’t let the second person POV throw you off, it’s BEAUTIFUL)Bodies – those are something you understand, mostly; you know immediately exactly how much smaller he is than the last time you saw him. Too skinny, too pale; his cheeks cave in a little too much, from his face. He’s a shadow of something: he looks like the dead walking. His hands are stuffed down in the pockets of his hoodie and he looks tentative but not afraid.

Derek Hale used to have a family. Now, he's got a teenage human more trouble than he's worth. Post-S2.

→ the blood blooms clean in you, ruby (same author, same concept, seriously, READ THEM BOTH)You don’t remember, anymore, where exactly you were when you found out that she was dead. You remember almost everything else about her dying, though.

Stiles Stilinski has always been the person who will do what other people don't want to. It's hard, though, when your friends keep trying to protect you. Post-S2.

→ will to follow through (like, if i wrote teen wolf, this fic would’ve been season four. just absolutely 100% perfect, and i love danny mahealani) “It depends entirely on how you look at it, I guess,” Stiles shrugs. “On the one hand, instant healing and the apparently inherited ability to pull off leather at all times. On the other, serious attitude problems and a suspicious disappearance of eyebrows.”

“Even Derek’s?” Danny snorts, “that’s a lot of eyebrow to lose.”

“I know,” Stiles agrees. “You should see, it’s so weird. Every time I want to ask him where they go, except he’d totally eat my face off.”

“There are worse ways to die.”

→ cool story, broFUUUUUUCK, is it a sweet valley high situation where Stiles is very aware that his twin is way more attractive and confident than he is, EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE IDENTICAL, and he always ends up with the hotter significant others and more friends and Stiles guesses that's why he's attracted to the pack at first, because it's something that's just his, not his twin's too. But of course, Stiles's twin gets bit and now he's part of Derek's pack, and Derek doesn't snap at him like he snaps at Stiles, never slams him into things, fucking FIGURES, STILES'S TWIN GETS EVERYTHIIIIIIIING.

→ Hold The Door (Supernatural crossover but like... trust me)When Derek is killed by a rival alpha, the pack will stop at nothing to get him back. Even if that means blackmailing the most dangerous hunter duo this side of hell. Whatever. That whole devil thing was probably totally exaggerated, anyway.

→ Apathy, Apathy, You’ll Be The Death of MeEveryone's apathetic. Except Derek. Derek cares so much.

or Boyd is a pragmatic posthumous reappropriater, Erica spends her free time impersonating Meursault and playing Fruit Ninja, Isaac would like everyone to settle down already, Stiles is bi, Scott’s actually holding it together pretty well for a week-old Alpha with a two pack problem, Jackson’s a lizard, Lydia accessorizes, Allison’s playing on a rival (semi-murderous) team and Derek just keeps showing up.

→ que tu m’aimais encore (read the fake boyfriend convention au by the same author after this one to cheer you up)Wolves mate for life, don’t they?

→ But I’m Not a SoldierThe first time Derek shoves Stiles against a wall, she pepper sprays him in his face.

→ But The World Won’t Stop Turning (y’all know i can’t resist a time traveller’s wife au)Derek glances at Stiles, who is watching him with a curious expression.

“Oh shit,” Stiles exclaims as comprehension dawns on him. “Everything makes sense now. Derek, I know what the witch did, she cursed you with – “

But before Stiles is able to finish his sentence, everything fades away and Derek is surrounded by darkness.

#i have an embarrassing amount of sterek fics bookmarked so like #if you run out come back and i'll give you more lol #big bad and little red #fic rec #anonymous #rachel talks

[jippy-kandi]

Digimon Adventure tri. - Chapter 4: Loss | Thoughts

So . . . I thought it was pretty good? I did read a few spoilers and people seemed to think it was really, really bad. So maybe because I expected it to be so bad that when it wasn’t that bad, I thought it was pretty good? If I were to rank the films so far, from best to worst . . .

3 (Confession), 4 (Loss), 2 (Determination), 1 (Reunion).

I liked the opening. I didn’t particularly care for it (because my interest in Maki and Daigo is about -7), but I liked it.

Yokomon being a complete bitch to Sora because she accidentally stepped on her once . . . All the digimon were right to be cautious of the kids at first, but Yokomon acted like Sora was some axe murderer in hiding waiting to get her alone. It was just really weird and frankly felt forced (and lazy writing, just to give Sora conflict). Sora is the one who prepared all the food and made all the digimon happy . . . logically, you would think then, that out of all the digimon partners, hers would warm to her more quickly just for providing food. The other kids didn’t do anything, and yet the other digimon were more trusting of their partners. Logic fail. (And Sora tried so hard to get Yokomon to like her . . . seriously, Yokomon was written as a brick wall. So forced. I didn’t buy it.)

Tokomon warming to Takeru almost instantly was cute.

Tri. tries so hard to force the audience to like Meiko by Mimi and Sora’s sheer affection for the girl . . . and it just doesn’t work. I think Toei regrets making “Meiko”, because her merchandise really doesn’t sell. (I also think Toei initially wanted Meiko to be a “crush” for Taichi, but her underwhelming “popularity” has made them rethink that idea . . ..)

OMG I cannot get enough of the Takaishida brothers. That scene where Takeru is still hitting on his older bro is one of my favourites. XD I like this running joke. Give me more, tri.. :)

OK. The Taiorato scenes. The first scene I mostly liked. I had issues with some aspects of it (Yamato should’ve known what to do . . .), but I thought it was a good scene. It showed the dynamics between the three rather well. What I liked most (other than it being a rather intimate moment between the three), was that it was clear that Yamato was more in-tune and “aware” of Sora than Taichi was, who was completely clueless (as he always has been). It was the second Taiorato scene after that though that I really had issues with (man, Yamato’s characterisation really went down the drain, lol). But more on that in another post, ‘cause it’s very Sorato-y -- though it has to be said that you don’t have to be a Sorato shipper to have a problem with that scene . . . you just have to be able to recognise when Yamato's characterisation is “off”. Because it was.

Yamato asking if they should ask Takeru for help regarding Sora? In what world would a 17-year-old think a 14-year-old would understand a girl his age better? I generally really like tri. Takeru, but there’s a point when someone becomes too-good-to-be-true (and is almost always used as the picture of “perfection”). Takeru’s not a “perfect” person who can make any situation better, and is somehow supposed to have skills to be in-tune with girls’ emotions (that scene prior where Takeru says Meiko is a “normal” girl and accidentally offends Mimi and Hikari comes to mind). They need to tone it down a bit with the whole “Takeru is perfect” thing.

But . . . Yamato and Taichi were incredibly obtuse when it came to Sora’s problem, though. Like, incredibly. As in, forced writing. I also didn’t buy it. It would’ve been one thing if they just didn’t know how to handle Sora’s problem (although I would argue that Yamato should really be better at this than he was depicted in the film . . .), but the fact that they seemed totally clueless as to what was bothering her? I’m sorry, but when all the digimon are completely fine and then you have GIANT BITCH PIYOMON flying around, it defies logic (again) to have them be that obtuse. Weak writing is weak writing. I wish Sora had been given better material.

The scene between Daigo and Maki where he asks her if he could be her new partner . . . was so incredibly cheesy and made me laugh. It didn’t seem to fit in “Digimon”. Tri. turned into a love story between Daigo and Maki for a minute and . . . lol. It totally didn’t fit into what Digimon is. Odd scene.

I did like the reveal (albeit unoriginal) of Daigo and Maki being two of the original Chosen Children. It made them infinitely more interesting (which, because they weren’t interesting to begin with . . . just makes them OK characters now).

How incredibly odd was it for Piyomon to meet Meiko and warm up to her so quickly (A GIRL SHE JUST MET), and still be a total bitch to Sora (A GIRL WHO FED HER AND WAS NOTHING BUT KIND TO HER)??? Sora’s conflict is the core storyline of this film, and its foundation is just so weak. I know I keep repeating myself, but seriously. Some “good” came out of it (what it forces Sora to go through in the film), but it would’ve been so much better if the writers had actually attempted to come up with a logical reason for Piyomon to be a massive cunt to Sora for no particular reason (that is, a reason that isn’t forced as fuck).

Awww, Gabumon and the whole “Yamato-kun” thing was pretty cute. And Taichi’s jealously of not being called “Taichi-kun”, haha. :)

This film had so many parallel moments and homages to the first season. I quite liked the nostalgic throwbacks.

I really loved Yamato’s line, “I expect too much of [Taichi]”. So true. Taito feels, ON.

Meicoomon’s reunion with Meiko was pretty . . . weird. It just felt random (or just badly executed). And it was a bit funny with all her swipes at the air surrounding Meiko’s head (which is not the desired reaction, lol).

LMAO at Sora throwing rocks at “Gennai”. Also he used Meicoomon to boob-punch her . . . I know I shouldn’t find this funny, but I do. XD Funny in a am-I-really-seeing-this-over-the-top-shit-in-a-Digimon-series-way!?

Continuing with the inappropriateness . . . I also found it funny when he licked her. It just totally took me “out” of the whole film, like a jump-the-shark moment. “This . . . is Digimon?!” It was so weird and totally didn’t fit in with what you should expect to see in a Digimon series. I think the tri. writers were trying to be “risque” but instead it just made me think tri. really needed a better writing staff who knew how to keep to a tone. XD; (Also, Sora’s complete lack of reaction to the lick made it even weirder. Girl, some man who wasn’t Yamato just LICKED YOUR FACE. Please react to it to show that it was shocking/uncomfortable/disgusting for you. Again, tri. writers being incompetent, because Sora really should have given some reaction to it. A simple sound of disgust would’ve worked, to at least acknowledge that it was STRANGE. Sora took that lick almost like she gets licked every day by strangers -- and is pretty content to be licked. Her non-reaction was weirder than the lick itself.)

The scene was also getting to look pretty rape-y with him being on top of her for so long . . . and sorry-not-sorry, but get that shit out of Digimon. That shit stays in fanfiction for a reason. STOP BEING A FANFIC, TRI..

Sora pushes “Gennai” off her and he just goes down? Lol. How weak is this dude. Also, it was just weird to see “Gennai” act like a creepy dude. Again, it really didn’t fit what Digimon is.

LMAO at when Plotmon “puppy howls” at “Gennai” and everyone just runs. XD Was it supposed to be funny? XD THAT was their getaway??? XD (But Plotmon is cute as fuck. I want one. :3)

So after Sora tries to protect Piyomon . . . Piyomon decides to remove the giant stick up her arse and recognise how kind Sora has been ALL ALONG. Wow. Random, abrupt resolution there. WHAT IS THIS WEAK WRITING. Piyomon’s entire attitude changes in a blink of an eye. If you don’t have an issue with this, your standards are way too low when it comes to good writing and storytelling. Don’t get me wrong, I love how Sora got to shine and everything, but I wish the writers had backed it up with actual good writing. It really isn’t hard to get Piyomon to be weary of Sora without being an outright, illogical bitch.

OMG, the moment Jou charges at “Gennai”? HOW FUCKING GLORIOUS. It both shocked me and made me love Jou a lot, hahaha. GO HERO JOU!

Yamato can throw Gabumon into the air in water . . . DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO!? Apparently, he does. XD

Also, a tri. film where Taichi is in-character and I actually love him? Here, have bonus points, “Loss”. I loved all of Taichi’s interactions with Yamato in this film. Go Taito, go. But . . . that whole part where Taichi and Yamato were underwater and trying to go up for air? It made me laugh so hard. Partly because of the poor animation, but also just because . . . the entire thing was hilarious hahaha. It shouldn’t be, because they could’ve drowned, but . . . XD

Um . . . Machinedramon throwing Sora around – and especially AGAINST A CLIFF – really should have killed her. WTF. Yamato, you’re gonna end up with a woman who cannot die. Be prepared, son.

Sora literally clings to life because she wants to make meatballs for Piyomon again . . . LOL. Phoenixmon was born from a mutual love of meatballs. (OK, I’m just taking the piss. :P)

Why would Phoenixmon let Sora fall off of her without trying to swoop down to catch her? Weird. Also, Jou catching Sora was awesome, but again, totally defies logic that Sora didn’t crush his bones completely upon impact and killed both of them. :P And wouldn’t it have been awesome if Yamato and Taichi had joined them sooner so that Yamato could’ve caught Sora in his arms instead? *cough* (Jou was totally amazing in this film though. THE UNSUNG HERO.)

Patamon’s evolution to his Mega form was too random and easy, like they just wanted to get it over and done with and just stuck it in at the last minute. I personally don’t care that it was too easy, but it was. :P

The film’s ending made me interested in where the plot goes . . . and that’s a good thing!

Overall . . . I thought the film was pretty good, despite its weaknesses. If I seemed too critical for a film that I rank the second best so far in the tri. series, it’s because I really hate giant leaps in logic and poor writing. My criticism of this film basically boils down to the Sora/Piyomon conflict being entirely forced, and for having a few moments that really didn’t fit into Digimon at all.

The strength of this film though is its “action” and pacing, which makes it better than the first and second film. The first film was dull, even with good character interactions – its pacing was too slow. And the second film, though enjoyable, really was just filler. And I did like Sora’s character journey in this fourth film -- I just wish it had been for a better reason than Piyomon being a you-know-what. But Sora was amazing throughout this film and I love her. :P

Can the fifth and sixth film top this? I really hope so. I want to be able to look back on the entire series and think that it was good. That would be great, tri.. Do your best, please. ;)

#digimon #digimon adventure tri #digimon tri #sora takenouchi #yamato ishida #taichi yagami #mimi tachikawa #koushirou izumi #jou kido #takeru takaishi #hikari yagami #meiko mochizuki #chosen children #tri thoughts

[nurseyydex]

consider this: SMH & one direction

i just wanna talk about smh and 1d ok im so sorry this wasnt supposed to be this long i have no control 

dex grew up with sisters (let me have this he has a bunch of sisters ok) so not only was he completely unable to escape one direction he was not allowed to get away with any sort of ‘bands that have mainly young female fanbases are not real music’ misogyny that lots of teen boys and adult males have 

so he likes 1d he doesnt advertise but he had to listen to them a lot so he knows their entire discography and what they have some good songs ok bro 

so yeah they find their way into his workout playlists so fucking what man they’re fucking hype songs 

his fave is niall bc hes chill and just wants to drink beer and play his guitar and listen to dad rock and he’s irish (dex is irish and is grandma loves niall bc she’s irish and what a sweet young lad) he’s not like die hard niall stan but he knows all of the 1d discourse from his sisters debating (im willing to listen to other opinions my back up is louis bc hes a punk) 

he save up one year (and got help from his fam) to get tickets for his sisters to see a wwa concert as a birthday/christmas/every holiday present bc theyre expensive and they dont have a lot of money 

his mom technically bought the tickets he just helped pay for them and the girls surprised him with a ticket for him to come with (mama poindexter: well i cant let them go alone who’s gonna watch them you have to go make sure they dont get arrested for doing something stupid) dex played it cool but it was such a fun concert and so fun to hang out with his sisters tooo

nursey now is a goddamn hipster u cant tell me he isnt into a bunch of british alternative bands and bc of his brit music phase he knew about one direction from the very start at the x factor stage (he definitely mentions this all the goddamn time when they start becoming popular but he chills out through the years)

hes been to at least one concert for every tour (he even got tickets to the madison square garden show) - he went to every concert with his sister but it was his idea to go and she was just there to keep an eye on him

also a big reason he got into the band was zayn like heres a pakistani muslim boy who’s super talented with these white dudes and that representation is super important (i also hc nursey as muslim or at least partially but zayn is a brown muslim boy killing it so yeah its awesome) 

but nurseys fave tho is harry especially when harry is a total hoe with long hair and jewelry and those red carpet looks like nursey is in love but also in awe bc those sparkly boots and that floral suit like those are iconic Looks™ and nursey loves it bc gender isnt real and he loves hoe looks (zayn is like 1.5 tho bc nursey is in love)

nursey tries to serenade dex with little things one day when they’re chilling by the pond on the grass and dex punches him bc nursey is making him emo even when he knows dex doesnt have emotions (in public in front of people who can see him cry)

bitty likes them they’re no beyonce but theyre fun and attractive and yeah hes gonna have some fun dancing to them he isn’t really up with all the drama and disc*urse until the boys have 1d nights and they watch this is us and the concert dvds bc he learns a lot 

he loves 2013 era harry and all the time liam (that boy is thicc and bitty 100% does not swoon)

holster like come tf on holster loves them he unironically and passionately loves one direction completely unashamed he does not care for your opinions and no one makes fun of him bc he’s a 6′4 fucking big ass hockey player who could drop kick u across campus if he wanted to

he claims he doesnt have a fave but he would die for all of them 

his fave rotates seasonally and he has a different fave for each era 

he went to the tmh tour and he’s gone to every tour since - he goes with his sisters bc its a bonding topic for them he sits at the edge of the floor or at the end of a row on the sides bc hes so tall he feels so bad and he tries to stay out of the way of the little girls behind him but hes nice to them and talks to them and so they like him even if hes a giant

but really he and his sisters are so close bc they have a lot of similar interests and they talk about pop culture stuff and its hard to keep intouch when hes away so much but they have group chats about 1d and tv shows and stuff so its so nice for them to keep up a strong bonding time 

ransom is a britney bitch and holster dragged him into 1d. he’s in it for the memes and the drama really. (he likes the songs and thinks its fun but he wouldnt have been a fan and gone to concerts if it wasnt for holtz)

holster takes him to the wwa concert and they have a blast 

holster also drags his ass to see this is us opening night (they both cry)

chowder just loves everyone and he doesnt understand why people hate 1d (or other pop artists with majority young female fan bases that ppl hate bc misogyny) when theyre so fun he’s not an active /fan/ until smh has team bonding nights involving one direction jam sessions and concert dvd watching and drunk history

on such 1d nights they put on one of the dvds and it accidentally turns into a drinking game (mainly drinking bc this part of my god did u see that !!! THAT NOTE CHANGE !!!! and ZAYN WHY !!!! and other painful parts) and some of them *cough* nursey dex and holster *cough* get possibly the most drunk they ever get bc of this 

theres loud awful drunk singing along and some sobbing (this is definitely not based off of any sort of personal experience whatsoever nope never done this before) 

after the movie when everyone is so drunk they talk about 1d history which is how the veterans teach the others about the exciting drama and disc*urse  

lardo is a bad bitch who is tough as fuck and manages a division I mens hockey team and every single one of them is afraid of her. AND she would not let any bro tease her for liking one direction bc why the fuck not. 

she has plenty of their songs thrown in arting playlists and in pump up playlists 

and she knows theres nothing better to cheer holster up when he’s having a rough day than a 1d dance sesh 

dont forget where you belong is the first song on her team bonding playlist bc its a love song to ur bandmates which transfers very well to love songs to ur teammates 

shitty unapologetically loves 1d and boy bands and girl bands and he supports all things that young girls love but are not taken seriously bc girls like them 

he’s written at least 3 papers/projects on the misogyny surrounding young girls and their interests and involvement in fandom and also boybands (he tries to fight all guys who disrespect girls’ interests and the power of teenage girls)

he’ll randomly show up to a 1d night bc obvi he’s in that gc and he’s ready to party and express emotions and dance and talk drama 

he loves harry bc “THAT FLOW MAN!!! HIS FLOW IS SO SICK!!!”

he cried when harry posted the pic of the hair he chopped off and cried when he saw the another man shoot where harry was defying all sorts of societal norms it was beautiful and his flow is still so nice even this short its ok it’ll grow back better than before

one friday night the lax bros sneak over to try to prank the haus and peak in the window and see half of the hockey team in the living room drunk off their ass singing loudly to a one direction concert on the tv - holster and nursey jumping around attempting to dance along, ransom clinging to bitty on the floor crying about a ‘hiatus’, bitty soothing ransom, dex forgetting about the drink in his one hand to drink rum from the bottle, shitty naked (not surprising) and slow dancing with a life sized cut-out of harry styles with tears streaming down his face (more surprising), and chowder lying on the couch singing through mouthfuls of pie 

they walk back to the lax bro house without executing the prank and they never mention it again

#p #should I put this under a read more??? I didn't think about how long it was yikes #i am ??? so sorry ???? i odnt know what happpened i have So Many Thoughts ok #omgcp #omgcheckplease #i just have so many feelings about this i have so much more to talk about really #omgcpx1d #1domgcp #i need to like sort out an actual tag for this #nurseydex #im so sorry but also im not bc i needed to say this #mine #my hcs #omgcp headcanon

[occupyscifi]

The Distracter in chief

The day the UN criminal court accused three fossil fuel companies of crimes against humanity for causing irreversible global warming the President of the United States was caught on camera pissing on a tramp in Times Square.

“lots of haters and losers posting fake content” tweeted the president later that day “but I’m above that lying fake news liberal media. So sad to lie to boost their sagging ratings”

His argument was let down by two things, the first that he had tweeted from downtown New York, mere streets from where the incident took place. The other being that the figure in the video had turned to the camera and said “I’m the President of the fucking USA and I endorse this message”.

“video faked” the President later tweeted “beautiful what computers can do. Losers in Hollywood can’t take me because I’m too real”

 However not everyone was talking about the president’s innovative new solution for the problem of homelessness.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit of a coincidence?” Said Butterfield Jones, lead guerrilla reporter for the undercover paramilitary wing of CNN “I mean the very day that the UN brings its case against ExxonMobil, the Koch brothers and Rosneft for climate genocide. The same fossil fuel companies our president has been championing since he took office, and the same climate change that he’s denied since day one. Doesn’t it strike you as odd on this of all days he decides to take a leak on a homeless guy?”

“err, no” said her editor, arching an impressively thick eyebrow. Unibrows were in this season, along with moustaches for women, though the editor preferred the whispy look of one drawn on in mascara. The two journalists were sitting in a downtown branch of Mcvegans, chosen not because of its right on politics – the name change had come about since a combination of antibiotic resistant diseases and spiralling meat prices had made it impossible to make a profit from animal burgers – but because of its ultra secure WIFI. The editor pointed to a wall where a news feed had been projected, a hashcloud of tweets and mood colours showing the President’s incredulous expression surrounded by his favourite adjectives, ones that frequently had little or no connection to real words, or reality itself “you really think the commander in chief deliberately leaked that footage?” Jones winced slightly at the pun, she had spent too many years sub editing to not have pun based PTSD “that seems pretty unlikely, because it’s something that would sink pretty much every politician if a video of them pissing on a tramp got out…”

“but not this president” countered Jones, tapping at a foldout keyboard in thick primary colours. Since the great cyber paedo scare three years earlier the safest encryption to be found on any device was always on kids networked toys. The fallout from the scandal which had engulfed Mattel and Hasbro had brought in the sort of digital protection that Apple and other Silicon Valley privacy crusaders could only dream of. That terrorists and rogue reporters like Jones had instantly bought up the new ultra safe devices had gone largely unnoticed. That today’s terrorists largely communicated via networked Furbies had been revealed by numerous news outlet but had largely been assumed as simply fake news “he’s being pulling shit like this since day one. look” said Jones, linking the editor’s digital glasses into what she herself was seeing. Two timelines scrolling side by side. One showed a chronological line of the president’s, gaffes, accidental wars, support for fascistic ideas, pointless crusades against imaginary ills and character assassinations against everyone up to and including God himself.  The other showed a ticker tape of seemingly unrelated bad news events and political scandals. The admission several years earlier by ExxonMobil that they had spent millions climate change proofing their organisations while denying that climate change even happened. The selling off of all US national parks to a consortium of Russian oligarchs. The announcement that most of the American Midwest had a lower quality of life than most of east Africa. The time that the Chinese had bailed out the US’s national debt in return for total control of the south China sea. The toxic spill that had rendered much of Louisiana inhabitable.

"I don’t remember that happening” said the editor, looking at the date “but, wait, was that was that the day the president gave that nazi salute on live TV?”

"yup” said Jones, bringing up the footage on her Mattel “Which he dismissed as being a high five gone wrong. So you missed the fact that the US now has more internal refugees than Syria. But the fact was that the President’s tiny hands heil was just another piece of nazi trolling, which I believe he does pretty much every day. The only difference this time was that a live TV camera happened to be on him at the time. Which I cannot believe was just a coincidence, what with his handlers now being pretty much experts in the art of not letting the man walk around with his dick hanging out of his pants – you know, after that time he actually did get caught with his dick out. I think someone is leaking these things deliberately, and I think they are doing it to distract us from the worse things that are happening”

“I don’t think the president’s that smart” said the editor “and I don’t really see what can be worse than a president who tried to start a war with every country he doesn’t like and publicly suggests that the far right aren’t really bad guys after all. I mean, I genuinely can’t think of anything horrible, mean or stupid he hasn’t already”

“Exactly” said Jones “he fucks up so often and does such stupid outrageous stuff that always dominates the news cycle. His people just have to time their announcements  for when the president drops a shit bomb. No one has the time to be outraged by two things at once. Like no one can be upset about the EPA being shut down or Murdoch being put in charge of the FCC the same week that the President tries to make Steve Bannon a supreme court judge. Fact was the Judge Bannon storm never came to anything. Like everything the president does. Nothing actually happens. Sure he keeps threatening war, like he keeps threatening to build that wall with Mexico. It never actually happens. Its all just clickbait for angry liberals”

"Oh come on" said the editor "You expect me to believe every time the president gets caught doing horrible shit its really done to cover all the really, really horrible shit that goes down? You sound like a conspiracy nut" the editor tapped at her own toy keyboard, the Mattel logo subtly changed to spell the words 'My Hell'. "Look, here they are. A bunch of the Presidents own Nazi Douche bros. Let me read you the highlights" she gained sickly. Dealing with the many openly Nazi online supported of the president was an occupational hazard. The fact that in real life both jones and the editor could have taken out the basement dwelling Third Reichers with one hand tied behind their back didn't matter. The mini blackshirts lived online in an age where everything going was networked. The doxx and the leak had replaced the jackboot and the castor oil in the armoury of fascism. That they were also openly supported by the president and, and indeed had their own federally funded ‘Department of Patriotism and Correct Reporting’ also helped.

"The Femininazi liberals have struck again, their fake news making headlines in the failing Jew York times. Is it a coincidence that George Soros and the Washington Post editorial team were seen at the same function on Saturday? Where they selling out the proud American race? What other conclusion could we come to? So sad that they can't see that they'll be the first in the gas chambers, because that how we deal with traitors to the white race"

"Get to the point" said Jones weary. She knew that most of these screeds were written automatically by a software bot that reacted to real time world events with a set of stock phrases.  Both Isis and Fox News used the same, meaning they could claim responsibility for every single terror incident in the world – or denounce muslims - even if they were entirely fictional.

"studies show that there is a correlation between Liberal mothers and boys becoming gay. Coincidence? This cannot be allowed to continue. The little snowflakes need to realise that a real man can stand up for himself' then it's just the usual bunch of rape threats.  What I'm saying is you’re paranoid girl. There is now way our bloated POTUS has the smarts to manufacture a crisis every time one of his billionaire plutocrat buddies causes an even bigger one. Besides, I think the media and people in general are smart enough to know when they're being played. We’re pretty savvy these days"

"You sure about that?" said Jones, gesturing at the other dinners in the Mcvegan restaurant. As most didn't have the kiddie encryption of the two journalists everything going they were looking at was easily available to the snooping software that both women had on their digital glasses.

"Look at them" said Jones " Those who aren't streaming AR HBO porn are writing angry tweets against our C in C"

"Good for them" said the editor "The first sign of a healthy democracy is an engaged citizenry. Our job as journalists is first the fight against apathy. Because the true enemy of our way of life is not the jackboot or the swastika but the indifference of our..."

"Spare me" said Jones, who had heard that speech too many times during her internship with numerous liberal crusading organisations "have you noticed what they are actually tweeting about?" She pointed around the room "that guy there is memeing some Dawson’s Creek pics with Pres  piss references. That girl with the Amish beard is writing a protest musical about the president"

"Sounds good" said the editor "art and politics are..."

"About the president only. His seismic xenophobia, his comically small hands and his incredibly thin skin. Any mention of how we lost the trade war with China? Or how Russia now owns eastern Europe? Or that Roe versus Wade got suspended last week by the Supreme court? You know, the week that Trump organised his second crusade against imaginary electoral fraud by the alt left – whoever the fuck they are meant to be" Jones clenched her fists "no, course not. Because people like to be outraged by what someone says, rather than what they actually do. Because we aren’t just being gaslighted anymore, we’re being distracted by shiny things that make us angry while someone walks away with America. So instead of a woman’s right to choose we’ve got a musical number about how the President got confused about North and South Korea and sent a bunch of weapons to the last communist state on earth"

"That was a major news event..."

"Sending a couple of cruise missiles to a country so poor they can't eat and so isolated that their literacy rate is under fifty percent doesn't really change much" said Jones "and besides, I don't know if it actually happened.  Pentagon said it didn’t. Most experts can’t find any evidence that it did. There was just an anonymous leak to Buzzfeed"

"Who believes the pentagon these days?" said the editor "they were covering their asses. Besides it's just the sort of stupid shit the president does, ever since he punched that disabled woman at his second term inauguration"

"Exactly" said Jones "With this guy in charge people will believe literally anything because of who he is. I don't believe we're the first people to realise this. I think some important people are using the president to bury their bad news. He’s a distraction, a big old orange wizard of Oz. The real guy’s in charge are behind the curtain” she tapped the table in irritation “And I don't think he even knows about it"

"Sounds like a great story sweetie" said the editor patronisingly " but how are you ever going to get proof? I mean sure, tweet it but there's so much shit flying around I doubt anyone would notice. I don't know how you’re going to get anyone to listen"

"Simple" said Jones "I'm going to talk to the man himself. He’s so thin skinned and insecure he’d believe it straight away if I told him that people were trying to ruin his reputation on purpose. If there’s anything he takes seriously its himself"

“umm, how are you going to do that?” said the editor “he doesn’t do interviews. Not since that time he had to admit that he didn’t actually know who Winston Churchill was, and that he thought Thomas Jefferson wrote White Rabbit”

“Oh, that’s easy” said Jones “too easy, in fact”

It was depressingly simple to get access to the president.  Not as a journalist of course, any found within three hundred metres of the president would be arrested as a traitor and sent straight to Guantanamo bay. But the president always found time for his fans, especially if they were sycophantic, female and could be ordered to anonymous hotels as easily as calling an uber.

Jones knew the presidents’ predilections, as did everyone after the leaked tape where he had explained in depth the kind of girl he enjoyed cheating on his wife with. And while going undercover as a whore was not easy it was something Jones had done several times before, not least because it was always the easiest way to secure an interview with a politician. Admittedly it did mean having to blackmail them, but since when had journalism not become a form of guerrilla war? After all since they had been designated the opposition party it made sense to use any means necessary.

Jones had then managed  to hack the shortlist of the presidents preferred women, which had been secured by a machine inexplicably still running windows XP. Jones had raised an eyebrow, you would have thought after the nuclear codes had been stolen after being stored on a similar machine that the president would have learned his lesson. Now Jones had an inkling as to why, you never knew when you might need to leak a video of the President getting a girl to dress as the House Minority leader while fellating him.

However when Jones finally confronted the President, dressed this time as a Fox news anchor who’d once had the temerity to challenge him, the response she got was not what she had expected.

“Mr President” she had said from her knees, the all too familiar presidential dong hanging inches from her nose “I have some serious news for you”

“hey, not cool. Not part of the script” said the president, looking anxiously around. His security were stationed outside, the POTUS would have had them in the room with him but they had pointed out that went beyond their contracts and threatened to get their union involved.

“I have reason to believe the stream of leaks, allegations and intelligence reports embarrassing you are being used as part of an orchestrated campaign to hide a wider and more destructive agenda”

“no shit” said the president “the libtard media have got it in for me. Always. Not news. It’s not. Now come on, call me the best president ever. I wanna hear it. The best President…”

“not by them, Mr President” said Jones, pulling out a tablet and projecting on the wall her findings. The two timeline bulged with cross referenced facts and incontrovertible proof “I believe a cabal of special interests are using these…incidents to their own advantage. To bury their own bad news and their evil actions at your expense”

“uh huh” said the president, looking at the wall, his flaccid member still hanging from his ten thousand dollar suit. He put one hand on his hip and the other he used to point a stubby finger at the display. The two timelines that matched almost perfectly, for every gaffe and pointless vanity crusade there was a war or corruption scandal whose impact dwarfed whatever stupidity the President had been involved in “you got it all here. Everything. That’s so….”

“look, I know it’s not proof” said Jones quickly, pulling off the curly blonde wig and getting to her feet “but it’s pretty consistent. I mean right back to your first term every time there was something big that people should be discussing then someone releases some dirt on you – usually something ludicrous that gets debunked”

“Fake news. All fake news” said the president with a shrug, his eyes on the timelines “that’s neat. Real neat software you got there”

“you don’t seem concerned” said Jones, her face wrinkling “I mean, they’re ruining your reputation out there. To hide their own shit and corruption” jones looked at the President grinning inanely as he looked at the spike in online traffic after he had got the secret service to waterboard a schoolboy who had insulted him on Twitter “in fact” said jones “I’d say you don’t even look surprised. Did you know about this?”

“know about it?” said the President “oh, I didn’t just know about it. I arranged it. I made the fricking deal. Deal of the century. Every time they wanna use my name to hide a little scandal of theirs I make sure they pay. Pay big. I mean, I gotta make a buck, right? They don’t pay me much as President. I’m a businessman. A businessman. You know what that means right?”

“but your reputation” said Jones, jabbing a finger at the projection “doesn’t that bother you? I mean, you aren’t famous for taking the high road when it comes to how people see you”

“No. you see, the thing is. okay” the president held up his right hand, thumb and forefinger pressed together “one thing, half that shit is made up. It’s made up. Total bullshit. Liberals hate me, they want to believe anything and everything bad against me. Why not make them hate me even more? Gets me off to see how much they hate me. I love it. And the people that support me, they don’t believe it. In fact the more shit gets thrown at me the less they believe. Its scandal fatigue. Scandal fatigue. People get tired of hearing the same thing. I mean, sure, the first time they said I fucked hookers there was outrage. Total outage. Now, no one cares. Besides you gotta remember what really matters. Me. And they keep talking about me. No one cares about what all the whores say. I’m still the big guy on the evening news”

“but you do fuck hookers!” cried Jones “and everyone knows it. But that doesn’t make it right. You’re meant to be president. That carries with it a certain standard. You think it doesn’t disgust people that you do this?”

“hey, I told everyone on the campaign trail that I could shoot a person in Times Square and not lose votes. Everyone knew what they were buying then, right? So why not monetise that? The lying Liberal media was so obsessed with trashing me they couldn’t see the obvious. I played them. I’m the master player. They think they’re so clever. That they can win with their facts. Good businessman knows his enemies weakness. A good entertainer know what people wants. I’m an entertainer. I gave them what they wanted. They wanted to hate me so I gave them something to hate. Not my fault that they missed the real story. And they should thank me. If it wasn’t for me no one would read the New York Times or the Washington Post”

“so you arranged it all?” said Jones, somehow surprised that the president still had the capacity to disgust her “you deliberately leaked scandals just to get bribe money from your big business friends?” Jones clenched her fists and thought of the tiny hidden camera hidden in the skin of her forehead just under the hairline “you have any idea what will happen when I tell people this?”

“it’ll hide whatever I want to it to hide” said the President, grinning at his tumescent member “cause I’d be real careful when you leak it. I so much as get word this hits the headlines and I’m gonna deny it. Like always. And you’ll come back, calling me a liar. Like always. And I’ll trash you on twitter. Like always. And by the time the dust clears no one will remember that this was the same day I released my tax returns or I reveal what my family really owns in Russia – and lemme tell you it’s huge. Huge. I been doing this since before even my first day in office. And the media falls for it. Every time. Everyone does”

“but…” began jones, trying to think of a way to release the compromising footage that meant it couldn’t be used by the president to cover an even bigger scandal. Of a way to release the data that he couldn’t use to cause a social media spat that got people angry without actually having anything new to be angry about or doing anything to change things for the better. She could feel her eyes fill with tears and her hands clench uselessly.

“that’s right sweetheart” said the president, using his free hand to bring himself to climax “keep that expression. The one where you’re real disgusted and defeated at the same time. Love it”

  “And he just turned around and walked out the hotel room?” said the editor. She was ubering in her spare time and had picked up the still shaking Jones from the hotel. A short ride around the city was turning into a very long one and only the editor’s infinite knowledge of hacks and workarounds kept that information from appearing on the vast tracking network of Uber “you didn’t try to nail him to anything else? Or, you know, nail him?”

“no” said Jones “I mean what could I do? It was obvious when he told me. We’ve been played by him. We thought he was the big evil bastard….”

“which he is”

“but he’s just the public face. The target. He’s nothing but a live action internet troll. He’s all words. It’s the people behind him that are the problem” she sighed deeply “but how the fuck do we bring them to light? Every time we try to get people’s attention then the president blasts in calling Zika victims a bunch of whining bitches, or the 911 widows a bunch of hotties. He’s totally outclassed us”

“and you say he’s been doing this since the beginning?”

“since his first day on the job. Everything he’s done as president has been to distract us from the real problems. The crusade against the voter fraud that never happened. The fucking wall with Mexico that they didn’t pay for but that we bought from them anyway because it was cheaper. Its like the accusation he likes watching whores pissing. It’s all been to stop us seeing the truth. And it’s just got bigger and bigger. It used just to be stupid shit he’d say, then it was stupid shit he’d do and now its fucking hookers practically in public and pissing on the homeless. Who knows where it goes next?”

“yeah” said the editor, looking distracted as she sped past a stranded Hummer 7, its front axle having snapped trying to go up on a kerb. Since the Russians had taken over Europe and China had taken over Asia the only cars on offer were American gas guzzlers with atrocious safety records “yeah, he is getting worse. Like he’s deliberately trying to troll the American people…” her voice trailed off for a moment “hey, have you checked the retweet figures of his bullshit?” she said “can we get figures as to how many people are talking about him?”

“I guess” said Jones “we can cross twitter data with hashclouds relating to the president. Find the keywords mentioning the President and we get a rough idea of how many people are talking about him”

“do it” said the editor “and see whether the numbers are going up or down”

“umm, I think that’s pretty obvious” said Jones “it’s getting worse, like everything. All people ever do is talk about the President and how shit he is”

“check it anyway. You might be surprised. I have a feeling, you know. not as many people talk about him as they used to. The law of diminishing returns and all that. After a while most people become numb, they become bored. I mean sure, we know a lot of people who get outraged, but this is New York and we hang out with people who live to be offended. I wanna know if America at large still gives a fuck about its shitty Commander in Chief”

“hmm” said jones, not really believing her editor. However she punched up the numbers for the last five years. Looked at them. Checked them again and rubbed her eyes “what the fuck? But I thought…” she asked “how did you know?”

“laws of supply and demand” said the editor “you gotta remember I’ve a masters in celebonomics from Yale. One of the first laws of celebonomics is that the more you expose yourself to the world the more you will need to keep exposing to maintain public interest – and by public interest I mean people actually giving a shit what you do, not whether they like you. Celebrities haven’t needed to be liked since the rise of reality TV. So you need to keep upping the exposure to keep yourself in the public eye, but it’s not physically possible to do that indefinitely. So what happens is you pass a critical point – the Kardashian point they call it – where media saturation is so great that you can be everywhere but no one will care any more. Your ubiquity is so total that people will literally cease to notice you. With the Kardashians they were so overexposed that it didn’t matter how many family members they roped in or much cosmetic surgery they had, or even that time Kim and Kourtney had that knife fight. People just stopped caring, and now they can’t even get arrested in LA” she shrugged “I did my thesis on the Kardashians. That’s where Trump is now. He hasn’t got any more capacity to shock, so people are getting bored and switching off. Give it another few years and they won’t give a fuck about him. He’ll be reduced to giving handjobs to his fans. Like Kanye west did”

“great” said Jones “but we don’t have a few years. In fact if you’re correct then he’s going to clock that people aren’t giving a fuck about him. Then he’ll do something really fucking crazy. Is there anything we can do to speed up the process?”

“there is” said the editor “but I don’t think you’re going to like it”

“what?”

“well, we’re gonna need that footage you shot. For starters. Then we’re going give the President what he wants more than anything else. More than money, more than power”

“what’s that?”

“Our undivided attention”

 Six weeks later

 The day the UN convicted two US oil companies for genocide the president got a call in his motorcade down the Washington Mall while an aide next to him astrotrufed his twitter ratings.

“Donald” said the Koch brother on the other end. The president could never remember which was which and it hardly mattered so long as one of them picked up the cheque. They were the major backers along with a cabal of silicon valley Caesars and Russian oligarchs  that were funding him to hide their criminal activities with his own “you wanna explain why I see my face on the morning news?”

“impossible David” said the president, looking at an aide who nodded that He’d got the right one “impossible. Listen I heard about your little difficulty. So I tweeted a whole bunch of racist shit last night at 3 in the morning and then deleted it so I looked drunk. They’ll be so busy arguing about it they won’t notice what happened in New York…”

“so do you want to explain why the highest trending hashtag is kochbrothersfraud? And why I’m not only now facing federal charges relating to the little, um, difficulty at the UN but a PR meltdown? i thought Liberals didn’t have time to give a fuck about global warming because they were too busy getting pissed off at you”

“listen you don’t need to worry about the Feds. Not at all” said the President “My boys are out there explaining that this UN is all just fake news and the Chinese trying to take our jobs…”

“no, you don’t get it” said Koch “I don’t care about the Feds. We own them, because we own you. I care about the fact that we’re paying you roughly six percent of our annual profit to get your face on the news and currently you’re rated lower than the new series of the pornstar version of the Apprentice”

“hey, now that isn’t true. I’ll tell you. I’m a ratings winner. I’m number one famous. More famous than ever. I’ve been the focus of more news these last weeks than anyone else. A real spike in news traffic” he looked at his aides who nodded and showed tablets with figures all designed to soothe the president’s fragile ego. They had long realised that the president didn’t care whether people were loving or hating him so long as they were talking about him. According to all their estimates more people were talking about him than ever “I had a proper hitjob from some bitch at CNN underground. Then a whole twitter war with….”

“Mr President, I know you’re a  fucking idiot so I’m going to explain this simply” said Koch over the phone “you’ve been played. All those news reports, those twitter wars. Someone has been Kardashioning you”

“what?” said the president “what have those losers got to do with this? No one’s cared about them in years. They used to be everywhere. Then people got bored. Old news”

“exactly” sad Koch “people are bored of you, Mr President. They’re bored of your little tricks. They aren’t outraged anymore. They don’t care about the dancing clown who says racist things and grabs ass. That’s bad for us. You need to fix this. Get people interested in you and yours so I don’t have them getting interested in me and mine”

“I could get Ivanka to do the Playboy centrefold from the west wing again. She’s had some work done. Real knock out…”

“it’s been done. No one cares about your daughter’s new tits” said Koch “find something new. Or else we find ourselves a new clown. You got it?”

With that the fossil fuel billionaire was gone and the president was left facing his aides. They waited for the inevitable explosion of self justification and round cursing of someone who had the audacity to oppose the Donald.

“okay” said the president, instead looking icily calm “its D-day. Those fake news CNN bitches think they can take me down. Well I got news for them. I’m gonna leak the biggie. The one that will get everyone talking. Get the liberals creaming their pants with rage and the deplorables creaming with joy”

“your tax returns?” said one female aide “are we sure they’re ready?”

“no, of course not” said Trump “no one’s ready for that” he pointed at another aide from his extended family “you…whatever your fucking name is. Leak the hotel footage from that reporter. Unedited. I wanna make sure they all get the money shot. i wanna see me coming in glorious HD. Then release a tweet that I’m going to have her locked up in Gitmo. Then issue a denial that it ever came from me. Then one doubling down on the first one” he looked out the window at the grey winter of Washington “this’ll get me back on top. This one can’t be stopped” he looked at the aide anxiously after a few seconds “is it ready?”

“footage leaked” said the aide, tapping at a tablet “sending a copy to the news outlets that do what we say-  wikileaks and Fox news. Sending the denials now”

“beautiful” said the president as the limo moved through the cold streets “beautiful” he looked at the view, then the inside of the limo “any retweets yet?”

“negative Mr President”

“any news outlets leading on it?”

“umm, fox and friends are talking about it. Or they mentioned it. They didn’t seem interested. They moved on pretty quick to the Koch thing. Apparently there’s a lot of refugees down in Lousiana who can get compensation….”

The aide was silenced by a look.

“fake news” said the president “losers. No ratings. What are my retweets?”

“in the hundreds of thousands” said one aide cagily, his too honest face turning a bright shade of red.

“real tweets, or astroturfed by Russian bots?” asked the President huskily

“umm…” said the aide

“fucking losers” said the president. Five minutes passed in silence. Then ten “and now?” he growled. The aides looked at each other

“well, it might take some time, you know to….” Began one

“no. that doesn’t happen” the president shouted “I’m the fucking president. I don’t get ignored. I’m the star. The ratings winner. The star” he looked crazily about him. Then his eyes narrowed “you know, I said once I could shoot people in Times Square” the aides looked at each other

“sir, I don’t think that…”

“Thinking too small. Yeah I know” said the president “go big or go home. Well people it’s time to go big” he looked at an aide whose wrist was manacled to a briefcase “too big to be ignored”

  “I can’t believe this is working” said Jones, looking at the ticker tape of news around Times Square. The burning heat of information, images and advertising bathed them and there was not a single mention of the President “we played him at his own game and won”

“told you” said the editor, toasting her with a nice Starbucks Methalatte “isn’t anyone who can stay famous once they hit the Kardashian point. It’s like the H-bomb of celebrity killers. you can’t fuck with the laws of nature. Celebonomics is a bitch, and the President was the biggest celeb around” Her words were drowned out by the sound of sirens suddenly blatting and the screens above them whiting out due to information overload “what the fuck is that?” she screamed

“well, you know you mentioned H-bombs…” began Jones, looking in her smart glasses with horror as missile silos across the nation started opening up “seems like maybe the President found a way to stay in the story after all”

#impeachtrump #climate change #maga