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wbearv · 3 years

Text

Versace - b.c. (sg)

word count: 1.4k

genre: suggestive for the most part, smut-ish? (not really, just a teeny tiny bit, nothing really explicit)

summary: chan. versace eros. no further explanation needed.

warning: minor cursing

a/n: motivated because my friend brought me a sample of his cologne and when I smelled it i felt that my soul left my body so I had the need to write something about it. Like always, I haven't really proofread this but I hope you like it!

masterlist

the doorbell startled you since you were not expecting any visits this evening

you looked through the peephole

Chan

you opened the door with a questioning face, not because you didn’t want Chan to visit

but he had a towel over his left shoulder and a small travel bag

“our shower is broken and I really need a shower asap”

he looked at you with puppy eyes

so, you obviously said you didn’t mind

he showered in record time and got out to get dressed

you entered the room when he was putting on his shirt when an unknown smell flooded your nostrils

what

the fuck

was that

“Oh, its my cologne, do you like it?”

fuck

play it cool, play it cool

“yeah- ah, smells nice”

why haven’t you noticed before he doesn’t just look like a god, he fucking SMELLS. LIKE. ONE.

you have had a crush on him for the longest time

ah but he had been your friend for ages, it just wasn’t right

so when he kissed your cheek to thank you and hugged you good bye, you took a deeper breath than usual

and, obviously, when he accidentally left his hoodie in your room you didn’t say anything

and you kinda spend the evening with that hoodie on

and the night

and the following 3 months to be honest

that scent just made you so horny dizzy

chan was just

he made all your body feel a certain way, and he shouldn’t

being friends since you could be fitted in a 2x2x2 box

so when you got older and he got way hotter than he should, you tried to play it cool

play it cool meaning you didn’t dare say a thing to him out of place but keep his hoodie like it was the holy grail

and you maybe or maybe not had bought the -very expensive- cologne so you could re spray it from time to time

yeah

you were doing great

the following weeks Chan had a super tight schedule, so he completely forgot about that hoodie

so, when after a certain wild party where you both had a few more drinks than you should and went up to your apartment

he was kissing your neck when something caught up his eye

“is that my hoodie?”

you slightly moaned when he kissed that certain spot in your neck, ignoring what he just said

but your brain registered it five milliseconds after that

you fully opened your eyes and pushed him off, quickly, running over to your desk where it laid

you tried to hide it -seriously girl he already saw it just confess-

yeah no, you grabbed it and put it behind your back

“y/n? what is my hoodie doing there?”

“you left it here”

you were nervous

“when?”

you opened your mouth

“l-like three months ago?”

“and you didn’t tell me because…”

“because, uhm, because I f-forgot”

you hesitated

y/n my dear, never hesitate, that’s like the number one rule girl

“you forgot”

“yes”

“for three months”

“aham”

“while it is clearly sitting in your desk where you have to move it every time you have to study”

chan got up from the bed and got near you

“I- I have pretty bad memory and you know it”

he grabbed your arm and brought them in front of you

and when he took the hoodie from you, you had to let your grip go

chan caressed it and moved it closer to his face when his expression changed

“why does this smell like me?”

“well it is your hoodie, why would I know”

nice try y/n

“no, I mean why does it STILL smell like me”

you stayed silent and looked away

“huh?”

you didn’t know what to answer so you kinda just stayed there weirdly

he chuckled and walked himself around your room while still holding his hoodie in his hand while you looked at him with your face three shades redder

your eyes particularly opened when he approached your cosmetics shelf and went to grab your perfumes

“Chan, I-” you tried to grab his hand -unsuccessfully- before he grabbed that small blue bottle

didn’t work

he laughed out loud and turned to look at you

“y/n… did you use this on my hoodie?”

he moved the cologne in front of you, teasingly

“I certainly did not”

your confidence was -50 but you had to play it cool

ffs you were the queen of playing it cool

“yeah?”

he dropped the hoodie on the floor and put the bottle on top of the shelf before going straight to you

each one of his hands grabbed the sides of your face and he kissed you like he was doing before

it was just that it now had more than one purpose

he was R O U G H

in a matter of seconds, you were pinned against the wall and he was kissing the hell out of you

“do you like my smell huh princess?”

you didn’t answer

he went kissing down your neck and sucked without hesitation

“y/n I asked you a question”

“I don’t”

you said in a very believable way -spoiler, no-

Chan wasn’t satisfied with your answer tho

“don’t lie to me baby”

“I- I didn’t lie”

he then bit your neck harder

it was a warning

“I guess I have to get the truth in other way, huh”

he grabbed your arms and threw you on the bed

in a matter of seconds, he was on top of you

and his thigh was in between your legs

pressing just enough

“you know I don’t like when you lie”

you felt like you were in a cloud, overwhelmed by the sensations

he moved his thigh, up and down

up and down for what felt like ages

you were squirming down his touch, bucking your hips begging for more

and just when you were about to snap –

“bad girls don’t get to have fun, baby”

and he simply just got up, leaving you lying there like a mess

“Chan please”

he smirked at you and grabbed the hoodie from the floor

he got closer to you again

and kissed your neck again

but this time, he had his hoodie next to your face

he sucked particularly hard and passed his hoodie over your nose

you gasped

quite loud, actually

the smell was just mesmerizing

chan chuckled next to your neck

“I knew it”

he threw the hoodie to the other side of the bed and placed himself between your legs

you blushed so hard that you must have looked like a tomato

Chan put his hands down to work fast and efficiently

“You are so cute when you get embarrassed”

“shut up”

“If I had known you liked my smell that much I would have put some on today, I’m sure you would have been so flustered while we were dancing”

he smirked while his hands kept rubbing in between your legs, making you lightheaded.

“shut -ah- up”

“maybe I won’t wear it anymore… yeah, bet you’ll be so desp-”

you put your hand on his mouth and covered it

“Chan I swear if you don’t shut up now”

you could see his eyes turning eight shades darker

he grabbed your hand and effortlessly put it away

“didn’t take you as the bratty type y/n”

before you could talk, he licked down your neck

and down your chest

until he reached your small bundle of nerves

and he did what he does with his videogames

he played with it

oh boy did he play with it

and you didn’t complain at all

not even when he put his hoodie inside of your mouth and used it to muffle your screams

half because he didn’t want the whole neighbourhood to hear you chant his name

half because of how you clenched around him as soon as you smelled his cologne

so, when you two started dating, he would make sure to wear that exact same perfume every day, just for you

and he would purposely put some on his wrists so he could tease you with it while you two were in public

you would press your thighs together hard in order to suppress your sudden urges

because you were in public

your friends didn’t need to know just how turned on you were by just the slight hint of that smell

and you wouldn’t give Chan the satisfaction of showing how affected you were by it

oh but when he was between your legs?

then you wouldn’t even dare to try to hide it

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

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mtmte liveblog issue 36

time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss

I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss

starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice

I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop

he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed

oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)

anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!

and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls

and glitch! a totally minor character of course...

MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++

as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc

also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it

oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try

I love rodimus did u know

poor riptide looks so confused lmao

IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies

whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real

I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!

mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh

and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh

cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail

cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch

godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man

anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE

oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange

vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl

rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store

and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later

and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys

they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis

‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????

also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing

‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-

cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon

tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute

and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute

one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up

TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;

are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal

cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box

also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it

oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that

cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that

goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me

HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd

and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn

‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭

‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity

anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye

AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!

orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS

I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss

‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd

‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo

oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!

tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm

ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him

and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it

rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon

ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE

also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao

and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao

oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :(

oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....

‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf

I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious

‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily

THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy

GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN

oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on

which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf

so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD.

and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’

ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious

basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!

#lj rereads mtmte

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jamiebluewind · 4 years

Text

Why I'm So Good At Angst

Why The Latest Episode Of Fantasy High Effected Me So Much

I got pretty emotional after the last episode and when combined with recovering from bronchitis... it wasn't a fun night. I decided to write down a bit of my history to help and then I decided to post it because... well who knows? I just felt like it. Let me make it clear; I am okay. I am going to therapy. I moved 1300 miles away from these people. Most of this was years ago. There is NO reason to treat me differently because of this. But it's dark and PTSD is a bitch sometimes. So here are the crib notes on why I'm so good at writing angst. Trigger warnings abound.

Tw: child abuse, neglect, starvation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, insults, controling, isolation, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, gross imagery, sickness, mention of surgery without consent, dark themes, blood mention, rape mention, death mention, suicide survival mention, animal abuse mention, very minor spider mention (tell me if I missed any!)

Let's start at the beginning. I was born a "mistake". My mother wanted a kid, so she went off birth control and got pregnant. They were late 20/early 30s, VERY broke, not equipped to have a child, he didn't want more kids (he already had 3 from his first marriage), and they were about to break up. Instead they got married so I wouldn't be a "bastard". Turns out, that is a bad foundation for a marriage.

They were expecting a boy when I came out. The doctor said my heartbeat was so strong that I had to be a boy, so they didn't have a name picked out. Thus James became Jamie and my parents became disappointed.

I was mildly intersex so the doctors "fixed" me, but I didn't find out for years. What I did find out was how much money I cost and what a burden I was on my family with shocking regularity. Also, nobody told my mother that babies aren't cute little bundles that you can use to get more attention. They cry, poop, eat, and repeat and they need constant care. So, I started out with the cards stacked against me.

My mother was also... not the sharpest tool in the shed. Case in point, for about the first six months of my life, my mother gave me formula that I was allergic to. My dad (worked extra shifts and odd jobs to make ends meat) only found out when he was watching me when my mother went out of town. There was a substantial amount of blood in my diaper, he called my mother, a day or two later she finally called back to tell him it was normal, he got worried and took me to the doctor, and they told him I was allergic to whey protein.

Thankfully, my dad's parents lived next door. I stayed with them a LOT. Basically lived there. I would visit my parents, say hi, and then run back next door. Mamaw (dad's mother) kept me fed, never made me feel bad for how I saw the world, and was always willing to help. I had dyslexia and every night we would sit and drill my spelling words before she would sing me to sleep. Papaw (dad's father) was great too, but more of the playful one who taught me jokes and how to play poker.

Then Papaw got sick. First cancer and then Alzheimer's. I had to start staying at home a lot. I helped as much as I could. He lived a long life. I was there when he died. Death is not like it is in the movies.

In the meantime, I had school. It was tough, but I had Mamaw helping me and a friend. We hung out on the playground together for a year or two, but my parents found out and threw a fit that the teachers had "allowed" it to happen. Because he was black. Yes. They were also racist. So my friend and I were no longer allowed to be near each other. Mamaw found the whole thing stupid.

In 6th grade, I had a teacher that hated me. Long story short, long before I was born she and her husband owed my grandparents money and they were bitter over eventually having to pay it back. So she "lost" a lot of my homework and treated me like crap.

At the end of the year (after it was already over with), my mother took me out of school and told everyone that she was going to homeschool me. She did not.

Suddenly, I was my mother's maid. I waited on her hand and foot. I did the cleaning, she told my dad that she did it while I sat on my butt, and I would get in trouble for being lazy. She gave me an allowance and then took it back saying she needed it for bills (mind you while saying they were broke because of me). She told all my friends that the number I gave them was wrong and that I had moved away. She bought homeschool books and when I eventually got stuck on every subject, she told me just to forget it and that I could eventually get my GED. She never registered me, so on paper it just looked like I dropped out of school 2 weeks before the end of the 6th grade. Nobody ever checked on me.

I rarely left the house and my mother used me to con people out of money. I went hungry a lot. Sometimes she would give me food that I was allergic to which would make me sick. Sometimes she would make me eat rotten stuff (just imagine a cabbage stew that has been sitting in the fridge for weeks and has this waxy film on top and a sour smell ones you break through. I've eaten stuff like that because she said I wasn't allowed to waste food). I snuck food out under my clothes and kept what I could hidden in my room. We had a pantry full of food too, but she said I wasn't allowed to have any of it. Things like panties and bras weren't replaced as I grew and became so tight that I still have a dent around my waist and my chest. However, the shirts she bought for me were in her size (so she could borrow them), so they were just massive on me (she was a plus sized adult).

Still, I felt like a selfish brat for asking for even minor things, so I just... existed. I had a game system in my room that helped me escape. My older half brother moved in with his wife and kid and I babysat my nephew (for free) which was... something. A second nephew came along and the pair were a handful, but I did my best.

I snuck outside as much as I could. I would jump on my trampoline (before it broke). Play with a stray dog or cat. Observe a spider. I saw Mamaw (and Papaw before he died) as much as I could, but I hid what was going on at home. Mamaw was my escape, but then she moved out of her house and into a smaller house in town. That's when it got bad. Nobody was there to notice anymore, so my mother could get away with more. Dad worked too much to see.

I asked to go back to school when I was 12 or 13. My mother told me that they would hold me back three years so I would be in a class filled with children and she would get in trouble for me being lazy. It was my fault. She made me scared to go back. Later in my mid teens, she would tell me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone what she'd done or she would go to jail, my dad would go to jail, and I would get put in an orphanage and raped every day. At the time, I was getting physical contact so rarely that it hurt when people touched me. I had a panic attack when a doctor told me to undress for an exam. So not only did I want to protect my parents from jail, the possibility of... that... it was enough for me to not only keep quiet, but actively try to keep what she was doing from getting out.

A lot of my teenage years are rather blurry (part due to monotony and part due to the food stuff). Mamaw had a stroke and I volunteered to take care of her (which I did). My mother used me to con people out of more money (unbeknownst to my dad). I got sick a lot and was often not taken to the doctor when I should have been. I waited on my mother. I took care of my mamaw a couple days a week. My mother started taking pills and gambling heavily. I was told later that she bragged to people about being able to do as she pleased as long as she got home before her husband because her daughter was at home doing chores. When I cleaned the toilet, I had to do it barehanded with a washcloth. I'm pretty sure she poisoned me a couple times. It wasn't fun. Did I mention that her favorite book was Flowers In The Attic by V. C. Andrews? She had a copy that was extremely well worn. *shivers*

At one point, I rescued a kitten from stray dogs and got my dad to let me keep him. I got a second kitten less than a year later who was so tiny she had to be bottle fed. Their names were Punkin and Hopee and I kept going because nobody else would take care of them if I was gone. I know my motger wouldn't because they weren't fed when I wasn't there. They are the reason that I fought to survive.

At 16, my mother took me to a urologist and told me that they were going to put me under to take a urine sample from my bladder. I woke up having had a surgery on my genitals to make them more feminine. Yes, I know how messed up that sounds. I had to go to a specialist when I got older for pain and get treatment for it. I'm mostly okay now, but that doesn't change the fact that it was objectively wrong. Please, if you take anything from this, remember that.

A week after my 18th birthday, my mother kicked my dad out. She wanted a divorce. She told me that she couldn't get in trouble for what she did anymore because I was an adult. The few weeks I was totally alone with her were really bad. She got a stereo, put it right next to my door, and blasted country music when I was trying to sleep. Made some excuse as to why it had to be there and that loud. We were in a well insulated house, so there was no one nearby to complain. I was so tired all the time and still had to wait on and cook for her. Til this day, I hate country music and I can sleep through most background noise.

I moved in with my dad. I had a lot of panic attacks. Some seizures. I was scared to be alone. Horded food. I was at one point sitting and wriggling because I had to pee and needed permission. I was a mess.

Dad and I were good for a while. I followed orders and kept the place clean. He insulted me some and was... honestly very harsh. He said he was preparing me for the world. He was nice most of the time though and so much better than my mother.

As time went on, the insults became more frequent. How much I looked like my mother. How I got all my bad traits from my mother. My voice could give people a headache. Useless. Dumbass. On and on. Nothing was off limits. He became so controlling. Taught me to drive, but my curfew was 8 or 9 pm. I had to save money and not waist it because I would need it later and buying anything small for myself was stupid (but he would buy random stuff all the time). In fact, everything I liked that he wasn't into was stupid and a waste of time and energy. He was better than my mother in so many ways. I never went hungry with him. He let me hug him sometimes. He would help me out with things. That was why it was so hard for me to see the verbal and emotional abuse and how much he was controling and gaslighting me. Every favor had a price. I was isolated. When I started going to college, the control became worse. The insults more rapid pace. I was beat down.

Then I met a guy whom I thought loved me. You know how it goes. He seemed better than my dad. Better than my mother. That was the best I deserved... right? He isolated me. He tried to get me away from my friends. He controled my money. He didn't take no for an answer. He used my bisexuality as something to guilt trip me over and like it was some grand thing for him to be as okay with it as he was. He made me feel like nobody else would be with somebody like me. It... wasn't good. I was with him seven years. Multiple break ups, but I always took him back. I survived two suicide attempts (OD for the first and called in before anything happened the second time after he had me go off my antidepressants). After the final breakup, we met up about the money that he owed me and he decided to not take no one more time and then blamed me for it. My best friend was on the phone with me afterward as he was texting me. My ex also said that it would make him happy if I never dated another man again. Then he sent me religious pamphlets. There's so much more, but he's not worth talking about.

I lived with my dad a year. I was broke and broken. I had my dog, my albino sand boa, and a few posessions. I didn't even have mamaw anymore (she had died a couple years prior). My ex threatened me. My dad just told me to ignore it, so I didn't pursue it legally. My dad limited the time I could be on my phone, gave me an 8pm curfew and a 10pm bedtime, and a door with no lock that I was to leave open unless I was changing clothes. He did nice things too like letting me stay with him and getting an old beat up PS3 from a pawn shop so I would have something to do, but he also insulted me constantly. I had made friends online and been friends with them for years (including my best friend mentioned before), but he said they weren't "real" friends and would ditch me the minute they had to be around me for any length of time because I was so annoying. I had too much wrong with me and nobody would put up with that shit. Just a string of insults. Dad even insulted how I laughed! It was hard to realize how bad it was due to the duality of it all.

Dad only "allowed" to date white cis men. He also said that if I ever had or adopted a non-white child, he wouldn't be able to accept it. I was chastised when I did things he considered not feminine and not "allowed" to do or talk about things in his presence that he was fine with my minor nephew doing and saying. He blew up if I mentioned anything LGBTQ+. He went nuclear when I got a tattoo to take back ownership of my body (my avatar), saying he thought I would back out and then said it made me that it was ugly and disgusting and no good man would want me now.

Through all of this, I couldn't even get support from the people in my hometown. It was a very religious area (almost infamously so). The locals considered me weird and "off". I was religious positive and supportive as long as it didn't hurt the individual, others, or society as a whole, but it wasn't for me. People were always trying to get me to go to church and praying for my soul. I was accused (more than once) of being possess by a demon that was blocking god from coming into my heart and slowly turning me half gay. Others tried to convince me that I was confusing apreciation for women with attraction and I couldn't prove that I wasn't straight (with the addition that all bisexual women were sluts and I wasn't one). There wasn't LGBTQ+ resources in town or out people to begin with (I only met two or three my entire life). I couldn't make friends. I was used a lot. Some people worried about having me around their kids. It was a stressful environment. I got pretty decent on arguing with strangers who wouldn't leave me alone (I seriously had someone screaming bible verses at me trying to save my soul while my dog was in emergency surgery so... yup). My only escape was my two best friends online and a few other awesome people I met the same way.

I moved into an apartment, but I was still isolated, alone, and touch starved. I broke my arm (oblique compound fracture of radius and ulna with a crack towards the distal end of my ulna) and my family was there for my dad because he had to take care of me. No hospital visits. I had to hire someone to clean my appartment (despite being broke) because they saw the mess as my fault as well as the injury. Dad dropped me off at home much sooner than I should have been left alone. But my two online best friends? Calling. Texting. Sending things to help. Checking on me often. One got on a plane and flew down to see me and do what they could with the day they had there. That's when I realized. They were my support system. They lived fairly close together. So, despite living in one small town my entire life, I packed up the moment I was able to and moved 1300 miles away to be near people who cared about me.

It wasn't easy. I had so many panic attacks. My one year old ESA cat Danny worked overtime. My dog passed away from kidney failure. My dad drilled it in my head that they would ditch me after a couple months because of how annoying I was and that I would either come back to [state] with my tail between my legs or in a body bag. I had to sell or give away everything that couldn't fit in my friend's small suv. It was hard, but I found a way to push through and do it. One of the last things I did was leave daisies for mamaw at places she liked when she was alive. I like to think she helped me have the strength to walk away.

I've lived here in my new home about 9 months now. I'm happy. I'm loved. I don't regret leaving a second. Sometimes PTSD will rear its ugly head like it did with the latest episode of Fantasy High. It's not something that I can control and honestly? The idea of being trapped after getting away and being stuck with my abuser again terrifies me. Seeing it happen to Adaine? It made me sick and I had an anxiety spike. I'm better today and I intend to eventually rewatch the episode to desensitize myself, but still, it was a lot for me. It's okay to not be okay sometimes and to need a break. It doesn't make me weak or bad or stupid. Another lesson for the person reading this I suppose. If it's not bad for me to ask for help orneed a break, then it's not bad for you either ^_^

I still have depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, health problems, and food issues. I think I always will. But I'm finally allowed to be happy. I'm finally allowd to be myself. I'm finally allowed to let myself be cared for and loved. I'm getting help. Learning techniques. Started taking CBD along with my meds. I'm finally as okay as I've ever been in my life and it's amazing.

PS: Just as a side note, remember to use trigger warnings. Even if something doesn’t bother you or most people, doesn’t mean that it wont make someone else have a bad day. Sometimes all we need is a warning to mentally prepare ourselfs. Sometimes we just can’t handle something that day, but can another. So remeber to tag, even if something seems minor to you or canon complient. Your readers will sincerely apreciate it. ^_^

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parkerthehutch · 6 years

Text

Stoned Ape Hypothesis

I mean like.. isn't XO TOUR Llif3 really just the Bela Lugosi's Dead of our our generation?

Mumble rap is the new shoe gazer.....right?.

Topic of observation. And if you can read that and make slight sense of it, not get mad, and find the humor in it, you're killing it.

My statement was made to be sarcastic, and, ironic, which isn't the right word by definition, but it's the hipster adjective I'd use, cause it's easier than actually establishing the reality of similarity in trend patterns.

But.

I'm going to. It's ironic to think about things and discuss them, though, being articulate is kind of the opposite of what you'd expect, right?

Let me start. I hadn't heard of Bauhaus before the other night, but probably had heard this song and maybe some of their others with out realizing. I was fucking all about it, though, after listening to it.

Thx Andee. Thx wiggles.

You got me stoked on a classic tune, at the goddamn chart, that's just cryptic vocals, a simple bass line, little to no song structure, and prominent focus on random sounds that only make sense if you've don't acid or were born off and don't need to.

I loved It. It kinda reminds me of Bowie in a sense of how ahead it was, but you know, Bowie made good music and didn't have to break up the band, and they covered Bowie about the year his music should have came out, and broke up.

Bowie influenced them, according to Wikipedia, as well as the general Bowie influence truth.

I digress.

My point is. They had a great sound. Similar and certainly influenced by music of that time and yet unique enough to..

Be famous? To...I guess their hipster fan base then, which still probably made more money than being talented now, some almost 40 years later..a small minority knows who the fuck they are.Maybe. But they influenced a wide fucking mass of ears that do so now.

When you are doing something new, it's an experiment. It doesn't how far you vary from the already documented. You're testing, in this case sounds.

3/4 of the current rock music I listen to was influenced by this group, it's influences, or a an influenced group.

I'm gonna get down to the fucking point of this.

Bela..sounds like this.

Xo tour life sounds like this.

I was drunk. I don't fuckin know Bela..she's dead? We'll all my friends are dead—undead undead undead.

I don't really care if you cry.

Hip hop is dead,

But like. All your friends are dead when you turn 30, the studies say..because you can't discover new music..

Insert a rap beat that samples more shoe gazing notes of any bauhaus...

Music was so much better 60 years ago. Or 50. Or 40. Or even like 30, I mean there was good shit in the 90s. The 2000s sucked for music.. until I heard good music and not just radio. At like age 10... and like 2010s still great.

But it was never as good as it was, and that's the narrative I get, from old souls in ancient temples or fresh tombs, to young souls building new temples and buried in old tombs.

Music was never better. Your ears tell you what's good. What's good, is subjective. It's art. It doesn't cap out, it evolves, and it's easy to conclude that the simplicity yet nuance of it stops when you want it to.

Lil uzi will never be bauhaus, but every rock band influenced by them won't be, either. They won't ever be Bowie, and no one will ever be the doors. Lil uzi will never be Wu, or Pac, or flash. And no rapper will be the same funk the music was born from, or the jazz it all started as.

On to another point.

Rock has this luxury of evolution and inherent disqualification. There are bands who do what their influences did, but better. And yeah. You can tell me that there's no good new rock music, but you can also make an easy disqualification from the genre to anything that you don't think fits. You won't listen to new, and what you choose to hear is quick to become pop in general, If it doesn't fit.

That twang, tho. That solo, tho. That breakdown. That drop.

Music. Rock and fucking roll. It’s not about the effect of one person, one critic. It’s about the effect on the whole crowd.

We now have algorithms that demonstrate connections, patterns, influences: evolution.

Music is ageless if you watch it grow. And it’s always timeless when you’re stuck in an era.

Sounding different, sounding classic, sounding ironic or comedic, these are revolutionary notes.

I’d be dead if it wasn’t for music. Some people have died creating it. Respect the variation. We all have differing appreciation.

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autismserenity · 7 years

Note

I was wondering if you had any queer and/or social justice books you could recommend? (Also completely different topic but what does "Don't be a dick, Alan" mean? Is it a quote or reference or something?)

excellent question! it is an in-joke with myself. someone was being a passive-aggressive racist douchebag on Nextdoor, and I replied with “Don’t be a dick, Alan.” which i think we all know is surprisingly pithy for me. I thought it would be a good thing to use to replace the default text people see when they write an ask. I didn’t realize at first that I had actually replaced the text of the “ask me anything” link on my blog. But it didn’t seem to stop people from sending asks, so I left it there. I can’t say it STOPS people from being dicks, but most people who send me asks are very nice either way. Queer/social justice is kind of a broad topic (two broad topics really) so I’ll just give you a sampling of my favorites and my to-reads: Boys Like Her: Transfictions - I don’t know how it would hold up today, but it was amazing in 1998. IIRC, at least one of the authors is intersex and trans, and writes about that, and there are a lot of pieces about being genderqueer and/or queer in general. (The book is “a provocative collection of fiction and images from Taste This, a queer performance group including Anna Camilleri, Ivan Coyote, Zoe Eakle and Lyndell Mongomery.”)

I really need to read For Colored Boys Who Speak Softly, by “undocuqueer” poet Yosimar Reyes. He wrote A Poem So That The Weight Of This Country Does Not Crush You. He is an amazing author/activist; I follow him on Facebook, and even his Facebook posts are perfect:

“My art is for my Undocumented people I could care less if the average American doesn’t know why I can’t become legal and I am no longer going to answer that question. They can go on google. My priority is making sure my people don’t despair. My audience is my own and I’m unapologetic about that!”

“You think it’s just about a social security number but just imagine how much that number gives you access. There are so many young people of color that give up cause this country tells them it’s not their home and they were born here. I know this country is not mine to claim according to some people but when is this country going to acknowledge that they uprooted me from my home? When are y'all going to start facing the violence of your history?”

Sunnybrook: A True Story With Lies, by Persimmon Blackbridge is short and colorful, and groundbreaking for me in exposing the ableism in the mental health industry, and helping me understand disability rights around mental health in general. It’s “he hilarious and angry story of a young woman who fakes her way into a job that changes her life. One cover-up follows another as Diane hides her learning disabilities from her new employer, the ‘Sunnybrook Institution for the Mentally Handicapped’ and her girlfriend. But her dreams of becoming ‘a professional’ are threatened by her identification with the inmates at Sunnybrook. And when Diane meets Shirley-Butch at the bar, her lesbian identity and her psychiatric history become irrevocably intertwined. Moving back and forth between Diane’s job and her personal life, Sunnybrook is by turns funny, tragic and sexy. It is a riveting and visually arresting story about a group of people whose lives are made up of small acts of resistance, who steal moments of joy whenever possible.” Very Tumblr. Persimmon Blackbridge’s entire body of work is amazing, lots of radical queer working-class mentally-ill fiction. I loved Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman, which is sort of a combination of a memoir and a stroll through people who transcended gender norms throughout history. It’s not a well-sourced historical text arguing that each person was trans, it’s basically a trans person going “look at this, these people’s experiences were similar to ours.”

I don’t know how it would hold up today, but there are two books that do a more “real”, rigorous, intentional historical exploration of trans people that I really want to read: Transgender History, by Susan Stryker (a bi trans historian) and um…

Ok, and that’s the only one, because I thought the other one was an updating of Transgender Warriors, but it’s actually a collection of trans writing and art from people all around the world: Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation. One review says, “The editors have made selections representative of the diversity to be found in the global trans* community - those sharing their thoughts and experiences express a range of gender identities - and some decline gender identification all together. While many of the voices come from North America, there are contributors from all around the world - Spain, Singapore, Mexico, Argentina, Kenya among others - and from a multitude of ethnic backgrounds. The contributions range from the deeply personal to the highly theoretical, from formal essay to autobiographical narrative to poetry to visual art.”

I need to read Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution, by Shiri Eisner; River read it last year and the bits I glimpsed (or got to hear out loud) were too good.

Ditto Queer And Trans Artists of Color: Stories of Some Of Our Lives, where Nia King “discusses fat burlesque with Magnoliah Black, queer fashion with Kiam Marcelo Junio, interning at Playboy with Janet Mock, dating gay Latino Republicans with Julio Salgado, intellectual hazing with Kortney Ryan Ziegler, gay gentrification with Van Binfa, getting a book deal with Virgie Tovar, the politics of black drag with Micia Mosely, evading deportation with Yosimar Reyes,” [oh hey!] “weird science with Ryka Aoki, gay public sex in Africa with Nick Mwaluko, thin privilege with Fabian Romero, the tyranny of "self-care” with Lovemme Corazon, “selling out” with Miss Persia and Daddie$ Pla$tik, the self-employed art activist hustle with Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarsinha, and much, much more.” On the “bi trans author” topic, I really want to read Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive, by Julia Serano. She is a very clear and well-reasoned writer, and it also seems like a “very Tumblr book”: “Among LGBTQ activists, there is a long history of lesbians and gay men dismissing bisexuals, transgender people, and other gender and sexual minorities. In each case, exclusion is based on the premise that certain ways of being gendered or sexual are more legitimate, natural, or righteous than others…. Serano advocates for a new approach to fighting sexism that avoids these pitfalls and offers new ways of thinking about gender, sexuality, and sexism that foster inclusivity rather than exclusivity.” I have a lot of concerns tho because at least one reviewer noted that she totally leaves race out of it, which ?????W HYYYYYYYY???? why would you do that when talking about feminism OR inclusivity?????????? It’s possible that Whipping Girl would be a better read; it’s certainly an extremely highly recommended one. This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color is old but is still fucking amazing, and was ground-breaking as hell. I can’t do it justice, click through and read the reviews. As one of them says, it’s a must-read.

Back on to-reads, “Born on the Edge of Race and Gender: A Voice for Cultural Competency “ by Willy Wilkinson is one I’ve only flipped through in the bookstore but it looked really good and fun. “This poetic, journalistic memoir shines an intersectional beacon on the ambiguity and complexity of mixed heritage, transgender, and disability experience, and offers an intimate window into how current legislative and policy battles impact the lives of transgender people. Whether navigating the men’s locker room like a “stealth trans Houdini,” accessing lifesaving health care, or appreciating his son’s recognition of him as a “transformer,” Wilkinson compellingly illustrates the unique, difficult, and sometimes comical experiences of transgender life.”

ok, i think that is a good start!

#books #tbr pile #queer history #trans history #qtpoc history #wall of words

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thefarlefchronicles · 7 years

Text

Farlef Chronicles Episode 5 - The Battle of Hibbleton

Previously on the Farlef Chronicles. WAR HAS BEEEN DECLARED.

Currently - August 8, 2017 The Night before the Great War

Two hundred seventeen days. That’s how long it has been since war was declared. Both sides had many skirmishes across the United States and parts of Canada. The Moose struck first taking out the Deer Parks located in Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Missouri, Wisconsin, Ohio, Minnesota and Nebraska effectively cutting off the supply line for the residents of Deer Park, Washington. They also tried to attack Deer Park, New York but a quick call to arms from the loyalists of three crazy assholes from Brooklyn saved the town.

The Battle of Deer Park, New York was dubbed "The Battle of Gardyloo". It lasted 42 days. It was a modern day Thermopylae. Two thousand men, women and moose descended upon the NYZ Apocalypse, the last standing region the moose had not taken over. For 40 days Anthony "Baby Kicker", John "Nobody Jiggles like Lord Necroid" and "James" defended the disputed spot. With minor relief from Miller's Ale House of Deer Park and the Christmas Tree Shops hope was a commodity they were in short supply of. On the 41st day a pelican arrived with news and hope. Inside its beak was Tommy gun's, undelivered mail and 2 Kevlar vests that fit Anthony and John perfectly and another shirt with a giant bulls eye on it and two pistols for James. They knew what they must do. With James adorning the bulls eyed shit the three unknown soldiers charged the moose and tore through the Antler Horde like a hot knife through butter.

The three of them fell back to Kangaroo Kids Inflatable Party Center when the odds overwhelmed them. Or so the moose thought. During the 41 day battle they sent James out at night to plant buck bombs at key locations in case of an emergency retreat. Just as the moose thought victory was finally upon them they detonated the bombs. In 3 seconds 42 days of nonstop action was over. The East Coast was in Deer control. The battle had been won but not the war.

After the Battle of Gardyloo the Deer were on the offensive. The rag tag team of retards that defended New York racked up sweeping victories all along the East Coast fending off the Moose as they went. While they were defending the East, Farlef and his squad attacked from the West.

Farlef and his brother John,

Farlef's dad in his new militarized wheelchair,

And an alive and returned Papi

lay waste to everything west of the Rockies. Nothing with antlers were safe unless they bent the hoof.

After being captured and tortured for information for years about his comrades Papi was not the same sociopath homicidal genocidal pawn broker they knew and loved. For the last 7 years in a small cell that he called home he was tortured daily.

Nonstop they played the Rocky and Bullwinkle movie for him to get him to break. He refused and suffered for it. After the battle of Gardyloo the Deer had the upper hand and traded most of the mid-west for Papi's life. Now he was on the warpath, unfortunately due to his "enhanced interrogation" he killed anything with antlers and small vermin he saw. He didn't see friend from foe. He was a weapon..

For 6 months war raged across the country, the newspapers were baffled about the recent string of Moose/Deer murders. It got even stranger when the Elk got involved in a nefarious alliance with the Pepe Silvia and gave the Moose the upper hand. Unlike the moose tho the Evan’s Clan had one thing their horned foes had not, opposable THUMBS. Ten thousand moose and elk were no match for a wheelchair bound homophobic with a minigun strapped to his chair.

Farlef and John also rocking dual machine guns.

Unfortunately with Papi missing for 7 years his connections were running low and their ammunition stocks dwindled. Both sides had little resources and manpower for a full scale war. One final battle had been decided on at Hibbleton Island.

Farlef's army arrived on the island 4 days prior. As they were setting up camp more Deer arrived from around the world to fight for their ancestral home. Unfortunately on the other side of the island where the moose resided their numbers were equally 10:1.

"God damnit why can't we just tie grenades to birds and let them fly over to their camp" Farlef's dad angrily shouted in the head tent where Farlef and his war band gathered.

"For starters most species of bird that could even hold a grenade are not native to this area, are allied with us or believe in Islam. What we need are a squirrel army. They can man tanks, attack from the skies, from the seas. SOMEBODY GIVE ME SOME PEANUT BUTTER. I AM GOING TO MAKE AN ALLIANCE" John shouted as he ran out the tent excited.

Everyone ignored John’s outburst and went back to strategizing.

From the ground we taken and what the Pepe Silvia has set up it looks like we will end up fighting in the center of the island. It will be tricky but I think with our naval and aerial squads we can win this” Farlef said.

"I gave James strict instructions to do anything for the cause in lue of my absence. I also made him wear a special costume for the fight" Anthony said over Skype. His crippling anxiety, depression, agoraphobia and anxiety prevented him from being their physically but he was there in spirit.

“I have a plan" James stammered out. No one cared. Somehow after 42 battles of wearing nothing but a shirt with a giant bullseye on it he survived every battle unscathed.

"John 2 is your squad ready for tomorrow" Farlef asked ignoring James.

"Cough Cough wheeze cough gag (Yes our preperations are all set, we are good to go” John-2 replied.

"Ok Xavier what bout you. Is your squad ready"

"Fuck you cracker fuck. Of course we ready. Fucking sticking me with all the black animals. This some racist bullshit. Remind me again why we on the front lines." Xavier said seething with black rage.

"I told you. Your part of the first wave. Operation Get behind the Darkies."

"Haven't you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation"

"I don't listen to hip hop" Farlef nonchalantly replied.

After hours of coordinating and planning strategies Farlef addressed all of his comrades in arms with one final speech.

" All right! This is it! Now you all know me, so I'm gonna say this as simply as I can. If it's our time to die, it's our time. All I ask is, if we have to give these bastards our lives... WE GIVE 'EM HELL BEFORE WE DO!"

"Pause the fucking movie I got something to say" Farlef said as Matrix Revolutions played in the background.

“In less than 5 hours, deer from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest antler battle in the history of deerkind. “Deerkind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Ninth of August, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Ninth of August will no longer be known as an Deer holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Deerdependence Day!"

With such vigorous enthusiasm he managed to get every man, woman, deer, squirrel, wheelchair bound homophobe and James ready to die for a meaningless fight for a small town in the middle of nowhere.

As Farlef rested in his Moose Skin tent waiting out the final few hours til day break he heard the sound on crunching leaves approaching his tent. He wondered who was arriving to go over battle strategy one final time. He was amazed to find it was his father, walking, into his tent.

"Dad, what, how?" Farlef was speechless, his father was walking.

" Papi managed to obtain this syrum for me. Its called DGH, Deer Growth Hormone, its not FDA, FCC, USDA, DOD, DOL, DOS approved but he got me the only sample on earth. I can walk again my boy. That is not all.

"Holy shit dad you can turn into a deer?"

" Yea this serum has made me faster, stronger, smarter, able to transform into a deer at will and be accepting of my son's lifestyle choices. This is truly a miracle drug"

"Dad are you saying what I think your saying"

"Shh. Come here and give daddy a hug"

It was the first time in 17 years Farlef hugged his father. As they embraced for the first time in over a decade Farlef's dad whispered into Farlef's ear. "A father should never have to bury a son, let alone two. Only one of my boys will die tomorrow" he said as he injected his son with sleeping drug til he passed out.

The last thing Farlef thought of before he passed out was that his dad was expecting John to die tomorrow. Like what the fuck. He could knock him out too or have faith in his children's abilities to fight. Then darkness took over.

Farlef awoke the next day to the sounds of bombs going off, hooves stampeding, gunfire and the smell of fire and venison. The war had begun. He was still woozy from the drugs his father pumped him with. When he finally managed to stand he arose from his tent to witness the greatest battle that the world will ever see.

The first thing he noticed was how vast the deer army was.

Across the field he saw Pepe Silvia riding his wife along with their army into battle.

He then turned and saw John and his squad of elite vapers doing battle against a squad of Mutant Moose Tanks.

Then he saw Xavier charging into battle against Pepe Silvia’s alliance with the British Royal army leading his Zulu warriors into battle.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw James in his specialized combat suit running for deer life as bombs exploded all around him.

Then he saw John 2′s son taking up arms in an attempt to help sway the tide of war.

He then heard a sound coming from above and saw a sight he never could of imagine. Apparently Pepe Silvia’s Air Forces were stronger then anticipated.

“I got this” Papi yelled nearby.

“Nice Shot Papi” Farlef shouted as he watched the Moose’s blimp fall onto the unsuspecting fighters below.

Then he saw his father charging into battle and taking out attackers one at a time.

He was proud of his father and was bout to join him when he saw Pepe Silvia join the fray and confront his father in his Moose Form.

The battle between Pepe and Farlef’s Father was short. In one attack Pepe took his dad out. Farlef was at a loss of words.

Shocked at the death of his father, Farlef lost all control and charged into the battlefield.Helmet adorned and battle hammer in hand he went on a rage fueled killing spree.

In his revenge frenzied state Farlef lost all thought and charged recklessly leading his army into an ambush that Pepe knew he would fall for. Surrounded on all sides the deer army was quickly overwhelmed.The bodies of the fallen to their back and their attackers to their front.

Inside this murder circle Pepe ordered his men to keep them in line giving the deer no quarter.

As this was being done he ordered his men to fire volleys of arrows and canons at both armies. He was to win this battle no matter the cost of life.

As Farlef watched the men, women and deer he rallied for this fight die around him he felt remorse in his crusade. He had just barely reconciled with his father and gotten Papi back now this. He wondered where his brother John was and hoped his survived the day to avenge them. Then he heard and sound and knew what his brother was up to.

Elephant tank rounds fired at the oppressive moose while a bear with a mini-gun fired into their ranks and a lion attacked them.

This was merely a distraction tho as the moose turned their attention to the circus animals let loose on them an army of squirrels on horseback broke their ranks.

The tide of battle had turned. With over 20,000 squirrels attacking the moose the war was to be over quickly. The army was made up of machine gunners,

Squirrel Commandos,

Squirrel Rocketers,

Squirrel Tank Commanders,

Squirrel Air Force,

and Squirrel Seamen.

With the overwhelming support of the squirrel army the moose where quickly defeated or bent the knee. Except one moose. Farlef quickly gave chase to Pepe Silvia. He wasn’t going to let him escape. Regrettably in the ensuring chaos from the squirrels Pepe managed to flee the battle.

It had been two weeks since the war had ended. The new treaty with the Moose was signed and it was a more forgiving treaty now that a marriage between the two groups sealed it. On the battlefield Papi met a female moose that he fought to a standstill and then proceeded to make love to amidst the fighting and impending doom. Nobody knew if it was his time held prisoner that changed his views or he finally snapped but everyone was tired of fighting so they just accepted the bestiality marriage.

Over 14,322 died from each side. There was many funerals to attend to including Xavier’s. He didn’t die during the war, he was merely enjoying a day at the zoo when a little boy got lost from his mother. When Xavier went to help the poor lad he was shot on sight.

As Farlef was getting prepared to attend one last funeral his brother entered his room. They had barely spoken since the war ended, too grief stricken over their father and with too much post war effort going on to get a few words in.

“I feel like if I didn’t run off to get a squirrel army and then visited a circus on my way back maybe this would of happened...” John started to say.

“Don;t blame yourself, it was no ones fault. He was high on that drug Papi gave him and he fought Pepe alone. He wasn’t use to his deer form and Pepe is thousands of years old. I wish he didn’t drug me, I would of been by his side” Farlef replied with regret in his voice.

“If you were there you would be in the same situation and we would be having two funerals today” John told his younger brother.

“I know it’s just Pepe got away anyhow. I am not going to rest until I stop him. I will track him down and end his life.”

“He has nowhere to hide, every Antler’d animal in North America and parts of Asia are looking for him. Papi has his top men on it. TOP MEN Farlef.” John replied.

“I know, it just doesn’t make it any easier. I guess there is no point putting this off anymore. Time to attend the funeral, it’s about to start.”

The turn out for the last funeral was quite modest. Most of the survivors of the war had returned home after paying their respects to the fallen but this last funeral was important too. It was the most important to one man. Farlef’s Dad.

After his fight with Pepe Silvia, his freshly intact spine snapped like a toothpick. Lying there praying for death, still in his deer form no one knew he had survived until after the fighting ended. Once all the bodies where collected he insisted on having a funeral for his legs. He didn’t seem to care one bit about all the other lives lost, he wanted to memorialize his legs. For two weeks he bugged his sons and anyone who could still hear about it and the day finally came.

“I like to say a few words” Farlef’s Dad said as everyone who attended realized they were tricked into attending a funeral for a man’s legs. They did wonder who Majestic Asfuck Legs was but everyone had weird family names.

“A little over two weeks ago after many years of being acceptingly disabled I finally got the two most important things in my life back. My legs and my sons. Sadly during the great war I lost the ability to utilize one of those things but it will not make me bitter. Not this time. In the past I could not accept my two gay sons for what they were but now I put my prejudice behind me and hope to be more accommodating to their queerosexual weeabu lifestyle choices.”

The small audience in attendance for funeral were shocked. To hear such a heartwarming sentence muttered from the mouth of a crippled deer took them aback.

Farlef’s Dad was still trapped in his deer body after Pepe Silvia broke his spine. Papi told him he didn’t know the full side effects of the syrum he took to walk again and apparently one of them was in the case of paralysis the body would not be able to transform willingly so he was stuck as a deer. Papi was working tirelessly with his Colombian Chemists to find a cure but it might be awhile before one could be fashioned.

As his father continued talking Farlef sat there, wondering what to do now. He figured it be quite awhile before Pepe Silvia popped up. He knew his town needed him and he needed a break. He also knew he needed to plan a bachelor party for Papi and had a wedding to plan. He figured for the time being he would go back to his old routine. Playing xbox, collecting Pokemon and finding obscure items for papi to sell in his shop. He hoped things would finally go back to normal in his quite little town.

Pepe Silvia was enjoying his time living in Australia. It was one of the few places on Earth that Deer didn’t live. He was enjoying a quite life as a salesman at a local printing company and was dating a beautiful koala named Sheila. As he returned home from work that evening he was tired from a long day’s work. He turned the shower on and undressed wondering what his plans for that evening were. He thought maybe he would go to that BBQ joint with the imported meats and order some venison. That gave him a chuckle. As he stepped into the shower he started to wash his body from the grime of the day. It was a hot one. Then without warning the shower curtain was thrown back.

Farlef had found Pepe.

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